#one might think that the pie would be the achievement but no it is the scrambled eggs actually :)

[chiropteracupola]

ya boy finally learned how to scramble an egg

[cvnt4him]

Hey baby! It’s me Angel!

Could I get anything for izuku with a big girl reader? No one really writes anything about that😭 because I know this mother fucker would literally want to drowning in thighs as big as him. Like…Thigh fucking, right between them. And love to watch how our bully, ass, thighs, and more when he fucks us senseless 🍬

Skipped over every other req just for this one, I'm lit dying trying to write these damn part twos but I'm shutting those shits DEOWN just for this one thing.

angel my sweet, this is for you.

Izuku is such a sweetie pie he loves you so fucking much no doubt about it. Now it's no surprise or secret that izuku is a fucking slut. A dirty little perverted creep who adores you, he'd always been that way even before you started dating. The way he'd watch you unintentionally and start accidentally following you around without your knowledge.. it isn't stalking though!!

He would also try to be as close to you as possible to memorize your scent so he could use the memory to jack off to.. but it's out of love! you wouldn't mind right? Izuku just can't help that when he sees the way your uniform would hug your body so tightly his cock twitched in his pants! It's not his fault, honest!

Being with you for years to come has been an honest achievement to him. He was so happy and elated that you finally decided to be his! He loved everything about you! From your tummy, thick thighs, arms all of it! He loves kissing your chubby cheeks and tracing your stretch marks with his fingers. You were simply a delectable being in his eyes, he wouldn't ask you to change for anything!

As much as izuku loves you, he also can't help the lust that takes over for you. You've been together for a long time now, since highschool, throughout college and even in your newer adulthood years. You've gotten more than comfortable with each other and there are things that you do now that you didn't do when you first started dating for example, walking around half naked.

You walk around in some short shorts or sometimes just underwear, maybe underwear and a bra maybe just a shirt with no underwear or bra. You being your most raw and comfortable self with izuku turns him on to a devious extent.

No joke, despite being with you he can't help but to touch himself when you're not around. Thinking about your body and holding you close, your thighs wrapping around his head and squeezing it so tightly as if you're trying to crush it whilst he devours you. Licking and lapping at your cunt having your mind get clouded with unbearable lust.

He feels dirty for touching himself when you're right there. But sometimes he fears you won't want to try new things so unfortunately he has to imagine it!! Poor thing :(

Eventually my love brings it up to you and you end up trying whatever his heart desires.

“ will you... sit on my face? please..?”

“ ’zu, baby.. I'm not so sure. don’ wanna crush you...”

But he insists that you won't, he assures you that this is what he wants, to feel your weight on top of his face to drown in your sopping cunt. He wants it, yearns for it. You've been together for so long and have never fully sat on his face, afraid of what might happen but everything you're afraid of is truly what he wants!!

So there you are, rocking your hips on your lovers face while he groans deeply inside of your dripping cunt. He slurps and sucks all of the deliciousness that is your flavor, he's so happy that you've finally allowed him to eat you like he truly wanted to!

“ thank you’— ....th’nkyou s’much..”

You can hardly hear him from how loud your moaning letting yourself out of the layer of fear you had. He truly loved you and you felt it, by the way he ate you out.

But it didn't stop there, oh no. Trying new things turned to things you never would've assumed he was into. Thanks to porn he's realized he's into alot. Thigh fucking, dumbification, bondage and more....... So, much, more..

But he promised to keep it pretty tame as it is your first time trying out new things!!! He lies you down on your back and throws your legs over his shoulders keeping your thighs together, he quickly sheds his pants and hesitantly sticks his cock between your plush thighs.

You lightly squeeze around his cock and he groans deeply, throwing his head back and accidentally bucking his hips. He bites his lips before looking down at you with literal hearts in his eyes.

“, oh baby... ‘m’na cum already...”

Slow thrusts through your meaty thighs already has him shivering. He sighs shakily and continues to move his cock through your legs little whines leaving as he slowly melts his eyelids slowly shutting with a low whimper, his brows furrowing making him look so submissive, it's just so sweet to see your precious man lose himself using you. The bare minimum already has him going feral.

He truly was an animal and you know he wanted more, but something about teasing him was just so enlightening. You could feel his hips picking up pace his breaths quickening and his expression moving into a concentrated look.

“ not yet baby,”

His breath hitches and he soon stopped with a stutter to his hips as he came to a complete stop.

“, h- huh...?”

“ don't get too excited. don’ wan’ it to be over too soon, hm?”

He breath was quivering and he looked so desperate to cum. Just so needy for more, he sucked up his neediness and gave you a quick nod with a determined look and began slowly jerking his hips into your thighs once more, the low sound of skin against skin plapping going straight to his head, before he was chasing his high, now he has the time to actually be in the moment with what's happening.

Listening to the lewd noises, seeing your amused face, all of it added on to the pleasure, slight embarrassment and nervousness of being watched simply egged him on more, adding more fuel to the fire if you will.

“ that's it baby. fuck my thighs, yeah?”

“ ohh.... oh fuck yeah.. mmph..~”

Once more izuku accidentally sped up his hips. Whining as he felt his orgasm impending.

“ I think..- I think I'm gonna cum.”

He took the time to actually listen to the sounds your bodies together made despite not actually touching. The slapping of skin sounded so dirty it had him losing himself in it. You reached out and brushed your hand over his making his breath hitch, he nearly cums at the sudden touch of you.

“ that's it baby, go ahead.”

You coo to him, making his hips speed up he groans and moans to you staring deep into your welcoming eyes the warmth your thighs are providing around his cock making him fall apart.

With your encouraging words and the way your skin felt around him he came, spurts of milky white cum dripping down your thighs and spraying all over your tummy and boobs some even reaching your face. There was so much of his sticky cum it's as if he couldn't stop cumming his cock twitching between your thighs you seen the way it pumped and pumped more cum out of the enlarged and reddened tip. It was a mesmerizing sight you never grew tired of.

You opened your legs and removed them from atop of his shoulders and gently strokes his cock assuring the last drops of his cum dropped onto your thighs.

“ thank you ‘zuku!”

You exclaim with a cheer to your voice having him whine as you continue petting his twitching cock. You gave him a warm loving smile as you looked up at him you never stopped softly touching his cock, his eyes were still lidded and full of lust and love, he sighed and had his hand gently stroke your cheek, smiling wobbly at you as his cock jolted in your stilled hands, surprised at the sudden touch from your lover.

You've seen such a look before, he needed you and his cock was clearly still hard and dripping. Who would you be if not his lovable girlfriend and help him. You pull him onto you and quickly shed the rest of your clothing together and instantly he climbed on top of you, folding your legs and making your knees reach your breasts.

You give him a smile and a nod, with that he shoved his cock inside in one full go not giving you time to adjust to the stretch or anything just going full nelson on you. He was quick to shed the muffled moans thing, letting all of his whiney breathy and slutty noises out making your laugh as he dug his thick cock into your wet cunt,

He groans lowly into your ear and chuckles, kissing your cheek while you feel his sweat drip onto you. Izuku can't help but letting his feminine sounds escape. He continued to let his sounds fall into your ear like a sweet melody fogging up your mind and having you squeeze around his cock.

“ yeah?.. like my noises baby? ngh.. fuck my cocks still sensitive...”

Its as if he was trying to be more dominating but how could he do so with moans like that? He was practically begging for you. His cock was aching and terribly overstimulated, the added pain just intensified the pleasure.

His back arched into you and he continued roughly jerking his hips into your cunt.

“ fuck!”

You groaned at the feeling of him filling you, you couldn't wait to feel his creamy cum fill you tot he broke so good like he did. Your cunt was sucking his cock so harshly into your needy heat it's as if it hadn't wanted to let him go. Izuku loved when that happened.

“ g’na cum f’ me baby? huh? ....oh-! fuck yeah..! ”

You tightened around his cock unbearably so, cumming around him while he continued to plow into you. You wrapped your arms around him and he buried his face into your neck inhaling your scent and feeling the heat pool in the spot.

His eyes rolled and he grunted in your ear repeatedly huffing out mumbled and mushed together words that sounded like praise and degradation at the same time, you couldn't wrap your head around it as you were already losing your mind from the mind breaking orgasm he gave you.

Izuku loved filling you up, it was his favourite thing about you letting him fuck you raw. Feeling his cum inside of you while he continued to move his hips, the noises it made, it was all so illuminating. The intense feeling that clouded the both of you as you shared each other like this.

Izuku was glad he could feel such a feeling once more, burying his cock to the hilt inside of you cumming hard and filling you. He let out a whiney moan as his eyes crossed slightly, they fluttered shut as he collapsed on top of you.

You two untangled yourselves and embraced one another wrapping yourselves around each other. You both caught your breath and laughed full of air together. Just trying your best to talk about whatever you could before you fell asleep together, his arms wrapped around your body tightly. He kissed your forehead and laid his head atop of yours with a sigh before letting slumber take over him aswell.

AN:I hope this was as good to you as it was to write if that makes sense, thank you, and you're welcome

[reasonsforhope]

Countries That Generate 100% Renewable Energy Electricity

Pictured: Hydropower is the most widely used source of renewable energy-generated electricity. This dam is located near Polson, Montana.

Is 100% Renewable Resource-Generated Electricity Possible?

"With concerns growing regarding burning fossil fuels and their connection to global warming, a great debate is occurring regarding the feasibility of producing electricity entirely from non-carbon emitting green renewable energy sources such as geothermal, hydroelectric, wind, and solar. Skeptics and naysayers claim that achieving such a goal is impractical, would destroy the economy, and is in the realm of pie-in-the-sky thinking.

But is it actually impractical and unattainable? The answer is clearly "no" since there are already several countries that generate 100% of the electricity they use from renewable sources of energy. There are also many other countries that obtain over 90% of the electricity they use from renewable energy sources. Despite the negative rhetoric by some, there’s nothing impractical about using renewable energy to generate electricity on a grand scale.

The Countries Leading the Way to a 100% Renewable Energy Electricity Future

The following is a list of countries that are leading the world into the new frontier of economies that run their electrical grids either entirely or nearly entirely on renewable energy per a 2018 report by the International Renewable Energy Association (IREA) and the U.S. Energy Information Administration (EIA) statistics. This list and the percentages are subject to change over time, but it provides a good snapshot of just how practical renewable energy currently is for electricity generation.

Iceland obtains 100% of the electricity it needs from renewable energy sources. Iceland is somewhat unique since volcanic activity on the island provides a significant geothermal energy source that is utilized to provide approximately one-quarter of the country’s electricity. The remaining three quarters are provided by hydro-power.

Paraguay obtains 100% of the electricity it uses from renewable sources. Huge hydropower dams provide all of Paraguay's electricity needs, as well as supply neighboring Argentina and Brazil with electricity.

Costa Rica is another country leading the way towards 100% renewable-produced electricity. During 2018, Costa Rica met all of its electricity needs using renewable energy sources such as hydro-power, geothermal, biomass, wind, and solar for 300 days in a row.

Ethiopia, Kenya, Namibia, Norway, Tajikistan, and Uruguay are countries currently generating greater than 90% of the electricity they use from renewable energy sources. Some of these countries are working towards running their electric networks entirely from renewable energy.

Some things stand out from the list of countries leading the way in electricity generated from renewable energy.

They are relatively small countries.

They have abundant renewable natural resources, particularly abundant water resources available to generate hydro-power.

The list includes both wealthy developed and poor developing countries.

The fact that both developed wealthy countries and poor developing countries are leaders in renewable energy-produced electricity indicates that the cost of constructing renewable energy resources is not a limiting factor. In fact, developing countries can justify the capital cost of building renewable energy sources of electricity due to the fact that the operating costs are relatively low and predictable (not subject to commodity price swings), and renewable energy allows a country to be self-sufficient in meeting its electricity needs.

Large Developed Countries Can Also Produce 100% Of Their Electricity From Renewable Energy

Critics and naysayers might say that while these achievements by small countries are impressive, implementing renewable energy on a large scale is impractical for larger developed countries. But is it really impractical?

Cost and technological barriers are not what they once were for renewable energy. In fact, costs for renewable energy continue to decline year after year, and renewable energy technologies continue to develop and become more efficient. Many countries have not even come close to tapping their renewable energy potential or even tried some of the technologies available, such as electricity generated by wave or tidal power. Additionally, the argument that renewable energy is only useful when it is being generated is becoming irrelevant since large utility-scale batteries are now available that have the capability to store electricity generated by renewable energy and allow it to be used when needed.

Clearly, the answer is yes. Large developed countries can produce 100% of the electricity they need from renewable sources. It is only a matter of the will and investment at this point to make the changeover from fossil fuel-generated electricity to renewable energy electricity generation. The technical barriers are not as great as naysayers claim, as proven by smaller countries that have already reached the 100% threshold. Moving towards 100% renewable energy sources of electricity will become easier over time as wind, solar, and other renewables become more efficient and large utility-scale battery storage technologies become capable of storing larger quantities of energy for use when needed.

Pictured: Researchers lay out a plan for nearly 140 countries that could be powered 100 percent by renewable energy by 2050. spectrum.ieee.org

The City of Los Angeles Leads the Way in the U.S. With Inexpensive Solar

Various forms of renewable energy have experienced significant cost reductions to a point at which they are competitive and, in some cases, cheaper than traditional electrical energy sources such as coal, oil, and natural gas. This cost reduction trend will accelerate the change over to renewable sources of electricity. For example, the City of Los Angeles signed a deal in July 2019 for a large solar electricity array that will provide 7% of the city's electricity by 2025 at only two cents per kilowatt-hour (kWh). This is far cheaper than fossil fuel-derived electricity.

In addition to being cost-competitive, the practicality and reliability of renewable energy are poised to make major advances as large utility-scale battery technologies are rolled out that can be used to capture renewable energy when it is created, so the electricity can be used at a later time when needed. The Los Angeles solar array project includes utility-scale battery backup at a cost of 1.3 cents per kWh, so the electricity generated by the sun will be available even when the sun is not shining.

Los Angeles has a goal of achieving 100% renewable electricity generation by 2050. This solar contract is a big step toward achieving their goal."

-via TurboFuture, February 21, 2023

[lowkeiloki]

been having a lot of fun with blockbench in the past few days, i made a few animals i wish were in minecraft (im not good at colouring in mc style so they remain flat coloured)

some info abt the mobs under the cut

so we know minecraft is an enviromentalist game and has been prioritizing interracting with mobs without killing them and i feel like tumblr is the only safe space where i can say i agree with that, so no useful loot dropped upon killing any of them, youre gonna have to be nice

River otter

neutral (will only attack back once like pandas)

spawns in small groups in rivers

can be bred with eggs

sometimes spawns holding a nautilus shell which it will happily trade for some salmon

hostile to tadpoles, baby turtles and drowneds

definitively tied to an achievement that has a cheesy "otter" pun in its title

African penguin

passive

spawn in groups on stony shores

can be bred with raw cod

will lay eggs as blocks like turtles, always lay two eggs

occasionally will dig through a gravel block if they find any nearby, pulling out an item, it's mostly something unamusing like sticks or flint, but rarely they might find pottery sherds or iron nuggets

Puffin

passive

out of the existing biomes, i think stony shores would be most fitting for them to spawn in, but i'd like to propose a new biome, cliffside (tall steep mountain right by the sea) it would look something like this

also would like to propose a new fish, sandeel (might make a model of them) which can be fed to puffins to breed them

if fed enough raw cod or salmon, the puffin will sit on players shoulder

when sailing with a puffin on shoulder, the boat speed will increase, regardless if in water, on land or on ice (thought that might be a more practical version of the proposed penguin function)

Pine marten

a rare mob that spawns in old growth taigas

passive, will run away from the player on sight

can be made trusting by feeding them apples, trusting martens will not run away and will follow a player holding apples or either kind of berries (which they can also be bred with

bringing a trusting pine marten to a village will increase the amount of emeralds gotten in a trade (this may sound random, but its actually a reference to their cultural significance in croatia)

hostile to chickens, rabbits and baby turtles

Red panda

passive

spawns in bamboo jungle

can climb bamboo and doesnt take fall damage

hurting a red panda near villagers will make them do angry particles like with giant pandas

can be bred with bamboo

by this point i had a hard time thinking of a function, but aparently they need to have one or else minecraft players get angry (because cuteness and whimsy is not enough APARENTLY /j)

will occasionally break a bamboo block theyre holding onto, but they never break the bottom block so the bamboo keeps on growing (could be used for bamboo farming)

Lemur

neutral

spawns in small groups at treetops in jungles

hostile to any kind of illagers and scare off ravagers

can be bred with pumpkin pie

dance to music discs (i mean obviously)

Albatross

passive

spawn rarely over cold and frozen oceans

if fishing with an albatross flying nearby, the player will get a status effect that increases their chance of finding rare loot (it stacks with luck of the sea)

can't be bred

Whale shark

i can somewhat understand mojang not wanting to add sharks because they dont want to encourage kids to kill it by making them hostile, nor to encourage kids to interract with sharks by making them passive, but a whale shark is RIGHT THERE

passive

spawn in deep warm oceans

will consume any floating item they encounter

after consuming a certain amount of items, they make kelp, seagrass and corals around them grow

can't be bred, but might spawn as pups

[silverstormsxx]

ok so here is a collection of concepts that wouldn't be entirely in character but are still fun to think about that I came up with:

Dusttale: Eternal Slumber

So there's this type of serial killer called an: "Angel of Mercy"

To put it simply, an Angel of Mercy is a caregiver who kills those under their care as a form of "mercy," depending on how they view their victim's suffering, usually because of an illness of some sort. An example would be a doctor and an elderly patient.

So.. what if Sans, instead of killing everyone in order to get enough strength to kill the human, decides to kill everyone so that he can spare them from the pain of being killed over and over again in an endless cycle?

Let's just say that his mental health has deteriorated enough at this point that he views what he's doing as a noble deed because he has good intentions in mind so it's "different from what the human is doing!"

I imagine he'd be far more gentle with his victims than regular dusttale sans. He'd shush them to sleep as they slowly dust, telling them that it's all for the best and that it's time to rest now.. all while digging the bone deeper into their flesh.

In a way, he is an Angel - specifically, the one from the interpretation of The Prophecy that would liberate the monsters by killing them.

Now i can't help but think that this version of sans would wear a white robe and a cross necklace lol

Also imagine him singing "Ralsei's Lullaby [dark melody ver.]" Before killing someone lmao

Dusttale: LOG #8215

Yet another Dusttale concept woo!!

Dusttale but as a coping mechanism, sans starts looking at the world like one big experiment and the monsters as test subjects

LV is a measure of how detached you are from your victims, after all.

I'd imagine that if this were to be a game, sans would do different things every playthrough.

Killing toriel first instead of all the monsters in the ruins to see how it changes things. Introducing unforeseen variables like 'what if undyne was informed about the human sooner than usual?' and 'what if alphys actually got around to mettaton neo's defenses?'

Don't know how that would be achieved though.. maybe through FUN events?

Every time you see him, usually after stealing your kill, he would be quietly murmuring under his breath, jotting down notes in his notebook, saying things like: "..didn't know that would happen. cool. have to try that again sometime." Before walking away and disappearing, as if he were never there at all.

Undertale: Heart Shatter

Ok so what if undertale genocide run.. but instead of killing anyone, you turn them into the worst possible version of themselves and let their SOUL shatter all by itself

For ex: for sans, you would further his nihilistic point of view by resetting over and over again and purposefully lingering closer to him every time.. as if to confirm his suspicions. You would see him get noticeably more and more tired every time, forgetting his lines and overall seeing him grow more and more apathetic.. until it culminates in a moment where you tell him that you're never going to stop. That's it's no use for him to have any sort of hope left that you might leave this world alone. That he should just give up and accept that this pointless cycle will never end. That he will never get to bathe in the light of the sun, never get to see the stars for more than a few seconds before he wakes up in his bed again.

(You'd probably have to do sans first. You break him by doing pacifist runs repeatedly)

For toriel, you'd have to accept her offer of staying in the RUINS. You would have to spend time with her, bond with her. You would help her cook, pay close attention to her lessons, eat slices of delectable cinnamon-butterscotch pie, make flower crowns from the golden flowers that saved you from dying from the fall, brew cups of tea together.

Eventually, one day she tells you why the Underground hates humans so much. Why she lives in the RUINS. Why she protects the human children who fall down. Why she is so, so grateful that you didn't leave like the others did. That she will do her best to keep you safe and happy until the end of your days.

...then you leave the RUINS on that very night. Leaving her all alone, wondering what she did wrong. Why she can never seem to keep one child alive, no matter how hard she tries.

So yeah lol. Feel free to add onto these if you'd like

[yuurivoice]

Do you have a bucket list?

In my mind, sorta. But it's not terribly long. Not to be morbid, but for the longest time I never thought I'd live long enough to be able to go do things that might be bucket list worthy. Now that I have more opportunities, I dream a little bigger.

Would one day like to have a house in the woods, in a colder climate. A space that resembles what my heart really wants in a home.

I'd like to make sure my cats live long, happy lives, and are kept safe.

I would like to be able to support my mom when she's too old to take care of herself.

I want to take a road trip along the California coastline, and actually take the time to take pictures and videos.

Other than that, there are plenty of things that sound nice, but honestly I don't need those things desperately enough to put them on a bucket list. I don't need much, I have already achieved more than I thought I could, so stability, peace, and joy in a sustainable life is all i can think of wanting.

Before I think bucket list, I need to hammer out the things I desperately want for the long term. Home and life things. Everything else seems like such a low priority i can't even brainstorm fun answers.

You know what, I'd love to speak with Guillermo Del Toro, and pitch him a project or work with him. I'll give you one big pie in the sky one. That would delight my soul and be a real treat. Doesn't have to be anything special, just a conversation with a creative person I respect.

[romi--weiss]

location: buttermilk sky pie diner

date: september 7

@nxnbinarydracvla

Looking back at the past year-and-a-half, it was hard to believe that Romi, who had once gone on a three-day bender and slept for almost a whole week afterwards was now getting up at the asscrack of dawn on a Saturday morning to go to a fucking NA meeting. How boring her life had become--then again, it was still probably better than being fucking dead. In retrospect, one might think that the blonde should know better. After all, how could she so easily squander her very own second chance? She'd spent plenty a night in her past eagerly doing line after line, feeling her heart throw itself against her ribcage, silently fearing that she may have a heart attack at any moment. Honestly, she'd been lucky considering the circumstances.

She was currently sitting at a table at the diner, waiting for Cyrek to come meet her. Part of her wished that he'd come to the meetings with her but he'd said no and it seemed rather final. She couldn't really blame him--why go if you don't have to? Those meetings were depressing as fuck (she did know that no one was forcing her to go, either, that she could also refuse to attend. But what would that help to achieve?). Besides, she was grateful for Cy--he seemed to be the only sponsor that she hadn't run off. She'd had two others before Cyrek had offered. Her first one quit on her and basically inferred that she was hopeless and if she were being honest, which she wasn't, she might admit that that had really hurt her fucking feelings. She wasn't actually hopeless--right? Her second sponsor had taken everything so fucking seriously and when she'd casually mentioned to them that Cy had offered to be her sponsor instead, they couldn't have ran for the hills any quicker.

Romi was convinced that people just didn't understand her sense of humor, which was quite a shame because she thought she was pretty fucking funny. When she saw her sponsor walk into the diner, she waved him over. "Good morning, sunshine," she smiled, taking a sip of her coffee. "You know, clean livin' seems to be doing wonders for my skin. If only someone had told me that before--I would've quit riding the snowbanks a lot sooner." The mafioso's daughter seemed to have quite a difficult time taking anything seriously but what was the point of experiencing all this fucked up shit if you couldn't even make light of it? Romi was not one to stew in her misery, that was for sure.

[cottonundiestf]

TheDebauchedCircus

Welcome back, ladies, gentlefolk! Last time you got to lay your eyes upon the founding of our newest and most popular member of the cast, Cream Pie!

She has been a hoot to work with, and from what I have been told a HONK! to play with! Ah-ha-haaaaa!

Well, we here at The Cirque d'Débauche are always receiving feedback and we take it very seriously. SO! we have decided to bring sweet Cream Pie back to the ring to make some... alteration that have been suggested!

Now, Cream Pie, one of the biggest things brought up to me was that our local psychic, MADAME ESPRIT (found in her royal purple tent for any of you would be lovers and/or hypnosis fetishists out in the crowd) is that the old you seems to miss her large Honking Hooters...

Well, I've decided to fix this error on my part and bestow upon you a special talent. Now, folks, who doesn't like a clown and who doesn't like balloon animal tricks? Nobody, right!? I have decided Cream Pie here shall be able to achieve a wonderous bosom that inflates as quickly as she can inflate, twist, and form adorable creatures out of balloons and "other" rubber materials she might run into on her side hustle! and let me let you in on a little extra feature she doesn't get to know about (a squeeze of her soft chest balloons and they shall honk as loud as her bright red nose!)

Speaking of her nose! I've had a couple clients complain that Cream Pie here is "too difficult" to get off WOMP WOMP! Totally on her, riiight? wink wink. Well, I've decided to give the clients what they want to make up for the underperformance that is DEEFFIINIIITTELLY poor Cream Pies fault and not the LACK OF TALENT THAT THOSE SCHMUC--- *cough* sorry there folks, I hate when people blame my performing family for their inadequacies. ANYWAY! One honk of that nose and the Cream Pie floodgates are thrown open! She'll be laughing, giggling, screaming, and moaning like any good clown should be!

Now, Cream Pie, my sweet, sweet, Cream Pie, tell me, tell the crown, tell us ALL! What else would you like changed about yourself? be sure to give that nose a honk for us when you are finished struggling to form the answer!

Cream Pie bounces to center stage, ready to do as she was told to put on a good show. She didn't know what kind of changes were happening to her, and if she was told, she was probably too dumb to really get it.

The host was talking about balloons, so Cream Pie pulled out a balloon, blowing hard into it and twisting it into animal shapes. She was just as surprised as the crowd when her tits started inflating like big round balloons!

There was a much longer explanation for the next thing, but Cream Pie DID get that she was supposed to be honking her nose. She was also supposed to say what she wanted to change, but she was already dressed and her tits were getting bigger, so it was hard to think of something else to change! Maybe a honk would help her think? She squeezed her nose and—

"Eeeeeaaaahhhhooooooo~"

Eyes rolling back and knees buckling, she sat on full display shaking with a fantastic orgasm. Okay, THAT was going to be useful in the future! It was so lucky Cream Pie stumbled her way into this circus life!

(Thank you for playing! Cream Pie was a fun fate for me!)

[charlesandmartine]

Wednesday 25th December 2024

Happy Christmas, everyone from Sydney.

We awoke with the sun already climbing the totally, wall to wall, cloudless blue skies and the sound of bin collections being made! No rest there. It is always fascinating to watch the bin man here, and I refer to him in the singular because often they have trucks operated by one person, a mechanical arm appears to the side, grapples with the wheelie bin, lifts it high and tips the contents to areas we would not wish to visit. The bin is then returned, upright to whence it came. That's efficiency. However, having praised them such, on walking down to the beach, a truck came along with a full crew of three. Maybe they all wanted to work on Christmas Day.

We joined a long stream of people heading for Manly Beach, passing a garden proclaiming, I assume, that the inventory of animals in the Holy stable has expanded to include 4 kangaroos. We have never seen the beach so crowded. Beach and sea safety are taken extremely seriously on these large public town beaches. Currents are the main concern when there are no jellies or sharks to worry about. The strategy is to confine bathers into managed areas. Therefore, flags are erected about 50 metres apart, and that is your allocated bathing space with an undetermined sea space out to sea. There will be a few of these designated zones, and a lifeguard is positioned to ensure there are as few drownings as possible. Outside of these zones are non-designated areas where you shall not go. A spare lifeguard will patrol these areas on a quad bike with a huge tannoy on the front. Any sighted miscreant will be hunted down, and the bike will be aligned with a swimmer such that the horn is directed precisely in their direction out to sea. What follows is an incomprehensible barrage of hysterical abuse with the intention of redirecting the felon back into safer waters or removing them altogether from the sea. The words may not be entirely deciphered, but the message is seemingly understood, and usually, the desired result is achieved.

In between beach sessions, a stroll to Shelly Beach, and to celebrate Christmas in our own special way; a Coles mince pie washed down with coke.

It has been a quiet but reflective day today. We were thinking back to the carols yesterday at the Cathedral. It very much reminded me of our last visit here watching a Shakespeare play at the opera house. It was entirely odd hearing the beautiful language of the bard being uttered in Australian nasal tones. The same might be said for the liturgy. When an Australian voice speaks it, it sounds somehow incongruous. But I guess we became familiar with it after a while. The Dean said he has been told to start and end his address with a joke. So he asked, "What is King Wenceslas' favourite pizza?" Answer, Deep Pan Crisp, and Even. Well, you can imagine the thigh slapping laughter, can't you. Imagine away because we didn't get it, but there was a slight snigger. The second joke was indistinguishable from the rest of the chat.

In due course, the Coles pork joint struggled to an agreed completion in cooking, the potatoes kind of looked roasted, and we sat down in the sunshine to celebrate an antipodean Christmas dinner, with of course a glass or two of SB.

Tomorrow, Boxing Day is the Sydney to Hobart yaught race. We intend to position ourselves to watch it leave the harbour.

ps. The nativity story last night was translated and updated slightly to suggest that the reason for the adoption of the stable was that there was no 'spare room'.

pps. Forget the myth of Aussies on the beach having BBQs on Christmas Day. We walked the length of Manly Beach and smelt one BBQ, and actually saw another. That's it.

[plumsaffron]

On why people are so hard on Wallflower, I think part of it comes from how redemptions in EQG were starting to get repetitive around this time, with Juniper and Vignette in particular being seen as the worst among the villain redemptions with being too rushed.

Plus her motivation being seen as too weak. The face she only lashes out at Sunset for "ignoring her" does feel a bit weak considering how everyone else (Trixie clearly showed she ignores her all the time and even the nicer characters like Pinkie and Fluttershy still ignore and forget her) did the same thing, so why would Wallflower only be mad at Sunset specifically for that if everyone else did the same thing? I do think if they had sorta tweaked Wallflower's motivation from "You ignore me so I'm gonna ruin your friendships" to "You bullied and humiliated me so I'm gonna ruin your friendships", it'd probably be seen as a smoother backstory with less flak. And it is even hard to figure out how much of Wallflower's being ignored was the others' fault and how much was it self inflicted considering she states she always used the Memory Stone to wipe everyone's memories of her all the time so her being ignored is partially her own fault too.

Probably. Anyways though.

They're more of antagonists to me compared to First Movie Sunset, Principal Cinch, Filthy Rich and maybe KL and SZ. But whatever

Not even mad at Juniper Montage. Pinkie Pie but mostly Rainbow Dash were idiots who honestly had it coming. Like bruh did y'all remember what y'all did? Regardless of it being right and she getting what she deserved. You saw her face of contempt and later on y'all come to chat with her in the mall where she hears that annoying dance magic song haunting her. And the two basically rub it in their face her schemes got her to be an usher. Common sense machine broke (which is sad cause they've faced worse or other dangerous threats previously). The real problem though is that her ambition of a dream was taken away thanks to Sunset Shimmer and her friends was devolved into this maybe you actually want a friend by Starlight. They also ignore the part where Starlight Glimmer technically is the reason why the seven girls were about to fall into an endless void. Then Juniper Montage has to apologize first for some reason for some conflict they began to be like oh we forgive you. Like it should be the other around.

Vignette on the other is just an imbecile. I wouldn't say it was rushed for her either. She may be a scrub but she didn't know her go away device was actually like spawning people in a limited size container. She was pretty detached and didn't really have anything of friends.

I would go far as to say Supernova Zap and Kiwi Lollipop were just fugly as Abacus Cinch and Filthy Rich because Sunset didn't deserve to be time loop tormented because of some stupid Perfection Manure. Clowns didn't care and attempted to add a ban Sunset and Pinkie Pie interfering in their time loop to achieve their idea of perfection. They couldn't even like look for like another time in the dang future. 3 weeks of time torture for Sunset and they didn't care they wanted to continue til they go it right. Those dweebs had no purpose and didn't care who they were affecting. They only whined because their time loop was broken. Then they played a song with Sunset and Pinkie Pie. Now that is what rushed really is. And worse. It was not deserved at all. Heck I might even say First Movie Sunset going good suddenly feels rushed (though she's the only one who actually payed besides Montage but unlike her Twilight gives Sunset The Human 6 Pass. Thus meaning it would not be a start from scratch luck). Sometimes I'm juggling considering if Montage's was less artificial or even less rushed feeling than Sunset's ever but whatever.

Now onto Wallflower Blush. Some may wonder why doesn't she go after everyone else? Why is it Sunset? It's pretty simple if one remember what Sunset has done in the past and everything before being defeated. Like she changed but not everyone is going to simply be like I forgive you. Heck Sunset even hates how she used to be and doesn't want the past to haunt her. Songs included oof.

Wallflower, unlike everyone else, is seen as an anomaly. She wasn't as forgiving or conforming as everyone else simply because oh Sunset helped save them quad times so lets be friends now and forget. I mean that's nice but eh.

One must remember that Sunset is in association with popular girls or her defeaters. So that also makes things easier for her while also making Wallflower be like what is this crap?

However, imagine this. A person ruining you or others around you for a long time and now look they said sorry and now everyone is treating the biggest meanie well while they still proceed ignoring you entirely. Now look. Girl somehow is deemed best friends of the year with her main friends. Like no one else got this reward instead. Idk seems bias. They also didn't thank her for handing that to Sunset or rather Sunset herself at least.

The jerk rose to the top or rather she was at the top and honestly she immediately gets back at the top now that's she's good. Meanwhile you are at still in the same place. Bruh these ignorers now saluting a girl who tried to destroy a girl's way out and property and possessed y'all or us and almost destroyed her soon to be defeaters? And again all the other crap she's done (framing, threatening her pet (ugh I hate that they didn't make Spike The Dragon human), being a part of why Twilight's human world variants are no longer friends for a long time till Twilight fixed that. Fear, terror, using Flash as a means to rise, etc.) Like what kind of quick forgiveness nonsense is that? I'll say quick because all it really took was Dazzlings to be defeated in the second movie for the school instantly forgave her. Like Wallflower is definitely upset with all else. She did sing a song about it but it's just she sees Sunset as a root above all the rest. Why will be explained below somewhere.

So why not go after the jerk. There's no real difference with the others of before. Like Wallflower doesn't like that occurrence but Sunset thing can be viewed as unfair nonsense. Like imagine someone humiliating you and others for a long time, end up being the owner of your favorite products or is the mayor of your town and they just somehow stay winning oh and bonus; all those facing worse treatment or similar are now their best associates and they treat this jerk as awesomeness. Wallflower sees everyone as fooled by Sunset's change. She sees Sunset as fake but that will be explained somewhere below.

Anyways. What could be worse than a person causing terror upon the students and staff and making no one is able to rebel. And she had Snips and Snails as loyal followers to her cause. Well what if that people appear to have changed but now everyone is on her side and soon become dependent on her. And seeing her as all that. And having an iconic cast of friends thanks to Princess Twilight. To Wallflower it's like Sunset transcended from a disaster to everyone's dependency. The ultimate trick she could see that can be done by Sunset because it seems were fake to her how everyone else simply or quickly just let go.

So yeah I really don't think revenge upon a real jerk is a weak motive. I'd say Cinch Supernova Kiwi and Vignette Valencia are weaker than Wallflower's. (I'm excluding Juniper's because I feel what occurs between movie and mirror magic are too different to me (mostly cause they human six had that coming)).

Regardless it really doesn't matter if Wallflower's motive or reason is viewed as weak. I'll explain why it being deemed weak becomes a worthless take.

The thing that people tend to forget is the context, the situation, and the event. They choose when they want to claim something as weak but will ignore what I just said above. Her problem is Sunset. It was just the wrong place and the wrong time. Pretty much a ticking time bomb. What's consistent is her state of given up or feeling she has no value. People forget the part where Trixie indirectly helped reawaken the bad times with proof images on an old year book. It doesn't help that Sunset straight up forgot Wallflower was right there and shut the lights off on her. Like dude you bumped into Wallflower after singing your dang song when she's trying to get you attention for half the We've Come So Far song.

Anyways. Another thing is people fail to see things from Wallflower's side. And you know what else. It's clearly shown that Sunset is being the actual problematic one. So sad that I am unable to say that I'm surprised that it is ironically Invisible to many. Literally she's proving her right after times Wallflower was considering maybe she was wrong but nope Sunset just manages to not prove her wrong. Her actions against Wallflower aren't helping, but fulfilling how Wallflower sees herself and Sunset and others. You would think that there would be chance but somehow there's a lack of resonance or consideration still despite putting herself out there. Only to be once again Invisible or ignored and then threatened. And fools acting like Wallflower is the problem. BRUH, Sunset Shimmer is not helping. She was fulfilling. Trixie had to get Sunset to realize things but it was kind of too late and Sunset pays briefly. But as you know it ends after; Wallflower defeated Empathy Apologies Understanding Friendship blah blah blah

This is the tragic tale of when fandoms or viewers are too hero or protagonist side oriented. So much denial to the point of tricking themselves against another and the chances of seeing different are slim. It's even worse when another character canonically tells a protagonist to change your perspective but the viewer(s) like oh Antagonist must be bad they can't be actually right must find something to thrash them upon as a distraction. The protagonist or hero must always been right. I have to refuse to admit if they screwed up.

Be mindful that Wallflower Blush didn't erase the memories of everyone each time (well not known) until seeing Sunset again in Forgotten Friendship. She says only little things when she first found the memory stone. And eventually got used to it. However it's very vague. I doubt it was everyone anyways. The only time she erased everyone memories was the when she erased everyone's or her friends good memories of Sunset. You also see that she tends to bury it instead of merely keeping it all the time with her.

Again it doesn't matter if it was self inflicting as her being flat out ignored has been occurring for a long time before she ever found the stone. Here's something else. You'd think having a clean slate would make these people react different but it only showed no matter what, they would do the same thing to you or treat you the same. One could see it as it's them still. The Memory Stone unfortunately became a smokescreen meme template used for solely blaming Wallflower instead of realizing that she's been bound to the same fate with or without it. Like no one else changed their ways. Which is quite ironic considering they easily changed for Sunset.

How much of no difference of the memory stone being used is like Wallflower having the ability to ctrl z a person answering 2 + 2 as 22 but they somehow pick any number that isn't 4.

It's funny how memory stone gets claimed as an excuse to ignore all the crap that happened to Wallflower earlier because oh no now it's her fault. Let's ironically forget of everything else before. It's like oh you now put your hand in water after being dumped with hot water and you didn't know you were putting your hand there but earlier hot water keeps being dumped on your face for a long time but since you put your hand in water a few times or are used to it at times because you don't see a new day, everyone should ignore that you were always dumped with hot water on your face and it was going to happen regardless if you had your hand in water or not. It's your fault completely now for everything that the rest dumped on you.

This is the summit of what refusing to admit an antagonist can be actually screwed over does to a viewer. One must find an excuse to egg them. But you know what. Her being ignored by them is how many may do unfortunately.

The actual problem though is when Wallflower throwing herself out there and saying what's been going on with her. Everything is told and yet despite it all she was ignored. Much melancholic state already. Then imagine being grabbed and someone invaded and skimmed your memories and are acting like you are the problem after like you were considering maybe I was wrong about them because she lifted your mood up. Then her friend is like who are again? Like WHAT!? Then you put you went out your way tell what's been going on. All your feelings put out there and you discover the one who went into your memories is going through your bag. Really and asks what did I do to you I don't even know you. And then they prove you that it appears that they were a facade the whole time. HUH?! Now that's disrespect right there. Explain my life. PFT *SIGH MASSIVE* This is the real deal? Who the deemed as the best with her friends. So they are fooled by her it seems.

LOL!

Will say this. The self inflicted is not the memory stone. It's actually Wallflower staying in a toxic environment. Hmm that'd be nice. Leaving such. Still... Many don't know they could or might not be able too.

[heartc0ffin]

For the domestic ask game, how about 🪺 ,🥧, 🎂 and 🕯️for your ship with Bo? Tell me what is domestic life like with a serial killer!

– villain-in-love

Absolutely!! Thank you for the questions, these were fun to answer for Bo 😊

🪺 - what does your dream back/front yard look like?

Bunny has a hard time leaving the house due to her agoraphobia, but I think she may be able to do some gardening in the backyard! She wasn't super good at it in the beginning, though. Ambrose gets extremely hot and humid in the summer and she didn't have much knowledge on keeping plants beforehand, so her plants kept dying. But I think after enough practice she will be able to keep some plants alive, and they're her pride and joy!

I think Bo would try to get some gifts for her, including the plant seeds she'd need and a gardening book, even if he's not much for that stuff himself, it would be something to keep her 'out of the way.'

Bunny loves exotic plants the most! Like the Venus flytrap she keeps in the kitchen, it eats the flies and other pests that tend to build up along the windowsill. I honestly see her spoiling it because it reminds her of a pet XD She'd let her fatass plants grow to until they touch the ceiling if she could. She probably feeds it tiny bits of meat that she cuts up for dinner.

As for the garden, though.. I think she'd need to pick out flowers that withstand heat the best if she wants them to last, so I think their garden would probably have flowers like zinnias, lantanas, cosmos, salvias, ect. I don't think she or Bo are too picky about what they look like. I think it would be best if they smell strong, but pleasant too, since Ambrose smells like death and roadkill a lot of the time in the heat. It would be a nice way to cover up the odour.

🥧 - have you and your f/o tried to bake something together? how did it go? what did you make?

I think they might have attempted to cook a few times together. In the beginning, it was more chaotic and there was more tension and arguing. I think slowly over time, it became more enjoyable for them to do together when Bo isn't as on guard all the time.

I think Bo in general feels tense when he is in the kitchen due to bad memories from his childhood being strapped down to his highchair. He would need to slowly relax around Bunny in that space before they could achieve anything edible. The first few times everything would end up burnt and pots would laying everywhere after a bad argument. Bunny herself doesn't exactly feel trustworthy around a serial killer with a short temper, even if he is just asking her to cook something for him. There's just too many dangerous things in there that could be used as a weapon. She may have even considered doing something to escape with one of them herself, but ultimately ended up not going through with it out of fear.

I almost wonder if Bo has a favourite dish his mum or grandma used to make for him.. If I had to guess, maybe some kind of pie, or meat dish. I think after Bunny got to know him, and found out if he had a comfort dish, it may be the first successful thing they make together.

🎂 - do you have any special birthday celebrations you partake in every year?

Hm... this is a difficult one. Bo is grumpy as hell, so I don't see him being fond of his birthday, or birthday celebrations in general due to a bad upbringing. So I don't think there's something in particular that they partake in each year. The most he probably does as far as birthdays go, is get his mother flowers on for her grave during her birthday. And I think its just because he feels like he needs to 'respect' his elders more than anything, not so much out of what love he has left like with his brother's. But anyway...

As for my self insert... I guess it depends on if she decides to tell him her birthday in the first place. When she was first being held hostage, I don't think she even knew exactly what date it was after a while. If she so-happened to find out what the date was, she might blurt out that its her birthday. And Bo probably would say he doesn't care, and won't get anything for her... then shows up with a very haphazardly put together flower bouquet, or gets her a last-minute gift. He doesn't want to be seen as weak, so he'd probably make up some excuse like "that old thing was my ma's, she don't need it now anyway" but it's a dress with a brand new tag on that he drove out of town to get. He will absolutely downplay his actions so that Bunny doesn't get a complex.

🕯️ - do you keep candles in your home? what kinds of candles do you like? what kinds do your f/o like?

This question feels so oddly fitting, yet so evil for House of Wax, lmao 😭 I love it.

I don't see them keeping actual candles in their home, though. I don't think there's much of a need for them. It's already hot as hell during the summers as I said, but even in the winter... I feel like a wax candle would just remind Bunny of what's waiting for her outside, in Ambrose. I don't think she could even enjoy a simple candle after knowing the truth about those wax sculptures. She doesn't like to think about it that much..

[the-lady-hestia]

Alright spoilers for the final Dr Who special

HERES MY THOUGHTS ON THE GIGGLE AND FINAL RANKINGS FOR ALL THE 60TH ANNIVERSARY SPECIALS!!

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Bi-generation

Oh boy

I spent a while trying to write this, but every time I came to a complaint, I realized that the story kind of set it up in a way. All that to say, this review was originally going to be a lot harsher, but I found some justifications for the things I had complaints about.

In general, I like the episode. It’s a goofy romp where Neil Patrick Harris is a cosmic-scale nut job while David Tennant looks on in horror. It’s fun. It is not, however, a good ending to a series of specials let alone ANNIVERSARY specials. It doesn’t feel like an ending. The ending doesn’t feel emotionally resolved (that’s the thesis statement right there)

Throughout the episode, the doctor is constantly reminded that he has always had to move on. He always has to leave his friends. Between meeting the classic companion Mel, to the Toymaker giving him basically a slideshow of all the people who have died because of him and his actions.

And so the story compliments this with an ending where the doctor doesn’t have to leave. The pattern breaks. The doctor stays.

Aaaaaand he also doesn’t. At the same time.

I feel like the same effect could have been reached without splitting the doctor in half. Now there’s two doctors. How the hell are you gonna manage that? The Timeless Child shit is definitely cannon so now there’s two cosmic super beings AND two Tardis’s (Tardices? Whatever the plural of Tardis is) in existence.

I was emotionally prepared to say goodbye to David Tennant as the doctor but now the story feels unresolved. Instead of the heartwarming ending they were going for, it feels like this was just concentrated fan-service intended to lead into a spinoff series and encourage fanfiction writers to fill in the gaps (I will say, the Doctor calling Rose his niece was very sweet. He does finally get a family and that is undeniably nice)

SO! Corrections:

I think the same emotional effect (if not more of an emotional effect) could have been achieved if 14 didn’t actually die in that confrontation. Maybe the resolution of his story is that The Doctor decided that, for a while, he does stick around. Maybe we get a montage of domestic Doctor. He still gets his family and he still gets to resolve all his emotional baggage, just without the Bi-generation nonsense. When Ncuti takes over we get a Doctor that is ready to start traveling again (remember, 15 isn’t going to have this emotional catharsis. He left without confronting his baggage. He’s still fucked up, but I don’t feel like the writers are gonna acknowledge that) And then, after some time has passed, maybe the David Tennant body “wears a bit thin” and he regenerates the normal way (that’s how Hartnell regenerated, I feel like it would be fitting with this whole “new era of Doctor Who” shit they’ve got going on plus the Toymaker is a villain from Hartnells run, the themes are themeing)

Other than that, pretty fun episode. Kate Stewart slays. Shirley continues to be a bad bitch keeping the doctor on his toes. The tease for the Master at the end was fun, always a blast to see that lunatic. Overall, I give The Giggle a 6.5/10. Passable episode with a truly nonsense ending (and not the fun kind of nonsense)

Final ratings for all the specials:

The Star Beast: 8/10

Wild Blue Yonder: 9.5/10 (this might be one of my favorite episodes of Doctor Who ever)

The Giggle: 6.5/10

I do still love RTD. The man wrote some of my favorite stories in all of fiction. I’m very optimistic about this coming season of the show. I think Ncuti Gatwa has charisma coming out his ears so he’ll be fantastic. My pie in the sky dream is that it’s so good that it makes me forget about all this weird shit and hanging plot threads. Here’s hoping!

[darkmaga-returns]

Tariffs Are as American as Apple Pie

Micklethwait certainly isn’t alone. Listening to hysterical commentary from the mainstream media about Trump’s tariffs, one would think his policies were in violation of the U.S. Constitution.

Nothing could be further from the truth. By advocating tariffs, Trump actually wants to return to what made America great in the first place. In fact, tariffs are as American as apple pie.

From 1790–1962, the United States pursued high tariff policies under a program known as the American System.

It was created by George Washington’s secretary of the Treasury, Alexander Hamilton, who drafted a report to Congress called the Report on Manufactures presented in 1791. Hamilton proposed that in order to have a strong country, America needed a strong manufacturing base with jobs that taught skills and offered income security.

To achieve this, Hamilton proposed subsidies to U.S. businesses so they could compete successfully against more established U.K. and European businesses.

These subsidies might include grants of government land or rights of way, purchase orders from the government itself or outright payments. This was a mercantilist system that encouraged a trade surplus and the accumulation of gold reserves.

[cdyssey]

Blueberry Pie

Summary: Melissa brings Barbara a blueberry pie as an apology. [Post-1.02] | CW: Emotional Infidelity

AO3 Link

Barbara is already in the teacher’s lounge when Melissa arrives, standing by the kitchen counter, swirling her stupidly sweet coffee with a plastic spoon. It’s just her, no one else quite yet, and Melissa allows herself to be greedy, etching the uncomplicated moment in her mind like it’s something more than it actually is.

Like it’s a painting, and all of its thousands of brushstrokes are divinely inspired by God.

Barbara Howard, the radiant subject, in early morning sunlight, suffused in its heavenly glow. Dark hair elegantly swept to the side, her beloved pearls flush against the graceful column of her neck. Light and shadow in beautiful opposition to each other. A study in different values.

Chiaroscuro.

She’s gone for warm-tones today with a calico-print shirt that rides beautifully over her hips but also, too, with the golden hoops that delicately dangle from her ears. Amaranth lips. Dusk colored eyes. A flash of white as she smiles at Melissa with all of her shining teeth.

The second-grade teacher involuntarily shivers. If there currently wasn’t a record breaking heat wave in Philadelphia, she might have had the grounds to blame the February cold. 

“You didn’t,” the kindergarten teacher scolds by way of greeting, gesturing at the Tupperware caught between Melissa’s hands. 

“Did what?” She grins innocently, closing some of the space—the unbearable gap—between them. She sets her heavy bag on their roundtable, places the plastic container there too. Her last name is scrawled across the top in faded Sharpie. 

“A blueberry pie?” Barbara arches an immaculate brow. “My birthday is next month, I know you very well know.”

“Oh, pfft,” she rolls her eyes like she's perfectly unbothered. She crosses her arms over her chest. She shrugs. Her cheeks still feel a little too rosy for comfort anyway. “Can’t a gal make her coworker her favorite pie for no good reason?” 

“Absolutely not,” the other woman just as immediately counters, emphatically shaking her head. “Or, more accurately, ‘for no good reason’ is far from an acceptable excuse when I know for a fact you had plans with your family last night. Girlfriend, when did you have time to do this? More to the point, why did you find time to do this?”

Leave it to Barbara to turn a simple gesture of kindness into a pointed interrogation of motivation and minutiae. Melissa knows she’s bad about accepting the generosity of others, but at least she’s not the older woman three feet away, unable to receive a gift without extensively litigating whether she deserves it. It’s a degree of reflexive self-denial that her friend would be the first to call Christian and Melissa secretly thinks is pretty damn self-loathing. 

“It’s an apology,” she grunts, undeterred. At the same time, not entirely good at this whole vulnerability thing, she briefly glances away, scratching the side of her nose: “I threw you smack dab into the wall yesterday over a lousy branzino.”

When she finally works up the guts to look at the older woman again, Barbara’s eyes have incrementally softened, the crow’s feet around them gently flexing their tensed toes. Melissa hates that—being so thoroughly seen, canvassed, and understood by another.

She kinda freakin' loves it too.

“I’m sure it would have been a remarkable dish,” Barbara offers kindly before chuckling a little.

“… more, well, fortuitous circumstances permitting.”

Which is a polite way of saying that yesterday was a total clusterfuck without actually saying that yesterday was a total clusterfuck. Her fish wasn’t the only casualty of poor Janine trying to make the school a better place.

“Oh, it would’a kicked ass,” Melissa agrees, smirking at her friend’s trademark discretion and simultaneously basking in the stunning lack of her own. “Blown Annette’s stupid cacio e pepe outta the water.”

“I know you certainly achieved your goal of looking cuter than her, though.”

“Damn straight I did! I was a flippin’ smoke show.”

“Naturally,” Barbara hums in a low voice. It's sensual. It's just for fun. Barbara is only a friend. Melissa's stomach still does a little flip anyway.

"Thanks, kitten," she quips in the same affected tone.

And they both heartily laugh then, giggle even. Of course they do—flirting is one of their favorite ways of showing their love—and Melissa knows that all is forgiven by the way that Barbara’s dimples twitch at the corners of her beautifully shaped mouth. 

There’s a small part of her that thinks that maybe she's getting off a little too easily, that forgiveness is something she shouldn’t be so freely gifted as reckless as she was, as inconsiderate and as rude. But she supposes that’s the Christian talkin’ in her too, or hell, more specifically still, that good, 'ole Catholic guilt of never feeling like she’s good enough—always one confession shy of any kind of meaningful absolution.

She shrugs the itchiness away, though—plays it off like it hasn't gotten under her skin.

She laughs and Barbara does too, and in doing so, give each other permission to get on with their lives. They have traditions to uphold, sixteen-year long habits that have long been encoded into their systems.

Melissa slumps into her favorite chair, her body partially angled towards the open door, while Barbara fixes another coffee—black, just the way the second-grade teacher likes it—and brings both mugs to the altar of their shared table. She assumes her own seat with more delicacy in the motion than Melissa contains in her pinky finger, ankles crossed, posture unimpeachable. Melissa turns the break room television on and clicks the remote a couple of times until she finds the Action News channel. That annoying commercial for the local Toyota dealership is currently on, the one with a father and son duo clearly reading from a corny-ass script on a teleprompter. She grunts impatiently at the inconvenience, and Barbara snickers because she does. 

They accidentally brush legs as they’re both shifting around, and they mutually pretend not to notice.

(Melissa’s running theory is that if they pretend not to notice, then continuing to do it remains innocent.)

(Permissible even.)

“You really shouldn’t have, you big, ‘ole teddy bear,” Barbara tries again, though she directly undermines herself by drawing the Tupperware to her and unlatching the lid to clearly get a better look. It’s an extraordinarily easy pie to make: cream cheese, powdered sugar, and whipped cream all mixed together, a fresh blueberry topping and a baked graham cracker crust. Chill overnight. Serve cold. It was no skin off Melissa’s back at all, and it’s always worth it for this very moment, for the treat of seeing her best friend’s entire face light up in unadulterated pleasure.

“You should have spent the time and necessary resources upstaging your cousin.”

“Bah,” she snorts, playfully batting Barbara on the arm. “I got plenty of time for that. I just wanted t’do something nice for you, ya stubborn gagootz.”

She lets the rather schmaltzy note linger—far longer than she usually would—only realizing that her friend is blushing when she turns a little and the sunlight slanting through the blinds glints off her darkened cheeks, transforming her entire physiognomy into something angelic, which is to say transcendent and holy.

Melissa swallows thickly.

“Now, uh, quit your bellyaching and enjoy some of your pie,” she adds gruffly, reaching into the basket on the center of their table and grabbing a plastic fork that she all but lobs at Barbara.

The older woman laughs incredulously as she stops the utensil from skidding off the table just in the nick of time. “At”—she glances at her silvery wristwatch—”seven o’clock in the morning? Are you out of your mind, girlfriend?”

“My old noggin’s perfectly intact thank you very much,” she huffs, retrieving a fork for herself. “I just know life’s about indulging in the simple pleasures every once in a while.”

Crackin' open a cold beer after a long day at work.

Staring at her married coworker from a distance that won’t get her in trouble with Gerald Howard and God.

Thinking she’s all beautiful, gilded in shining sun.

Accidentally brushing shoulders.

Thighs. Ankles. Knobbly, arthritic knees.

Eating pie for breakfast, which is to say, having her own cake and somehow being lucky enough to eat it too. Some days, just being in Barbara Howard’s presence is enough. And other days, getting to share these precious moments with her makes Melissa feel like she’s cheated the dealer and won the lion’s share of his gold.

“Our blood sugars are going to rocket sky high,” Barbara says doubtfully, though she’s eyeing the dessert appreciatively—with clear lust in her eyes. Her indiscriminate sweet tooth is one of her only weaknesses. 

Melissa knows because she frequently and giddily exploits it. 

“Eh, that’s future youse’s problem,” she shrugs happily. 

“And present Barbara’s guilty delight, I suppose?” The kindergarten teacher sighs. There’s resignation in the gesture, a tender fondness that only has but one other name. “Consequences be damned, forgiven, and forgotten?”

“Yup,” she grins crookedly. “That’s the spirit, Barb.”

“Mm. You’re an entire mess-and-a-half, Melissa Schemmenti—you know that, right?” Barbara asks, finally planting her fork in the middle of her container.

(Sweet surrender.)

“Can’t argue with that,” she jokes, staking her own claim in the pie too. 

(Simple indulgence.)

“But, hey,” she adds, “it’s on you for still lovin’ my fine tush anyway.”

The sides of their hands accidentally touch as they each carve into the pie, pinkies perfectly aligned. This, too, is innocent. It’s nothing, Melissa convinces herself as she viscerally shudders, as Barbara instantly recoils, withdrawing her hand, taking a huge chunk of the dessert with it. She stops just short of bringing it to her mouth, though, staring at Melissa from the depths of dark, inscrutable eyes.

“Another guilty delight of mine,” she says quietly. It almost sounds like an aching admission on Barbara’s elegant tongue, as though the love between them is not as perfectly above the table as they tell themselves, as though all the leg brushing and every fleeting touch besides aggregates to something larger than their component parts.

Something sinful.

Something beautiful.

It’s funny how the two often end up being one and the same.

“Lovin’ my big ass?” Melissa asks, even though she knows that’s not exactly what Barbara is talking about. They always talk about the important things in the esoteric language of a joke, a game, a bantering exchange that they can absolutely take back. 

(The ring on Barbara’s fourth finger perpetually requires that they take it back.)

“Crude,” Barbara laughs, the sound taut, like a rubber band that’s been stretched too thin, just begging to snap. “But something like that anyway.”

[anthonybialy]

Alpha Mailed

Donald Trump is a terrible person.  He thinks he’s being complimented.  An ‘80s movie villain without the charisma of James Spader thinks he’s a bad boy, and he’s right in a certain sense.  He’ll never grasp which one.  Unpleasantness isn’t a virtue even if treated as such by pigeons too obnoxious to be pitied.  Principles remain unchanged unless your surly messiah says last week’s ally is now a loser.

Nothing embodies rugged masculinity like petty insults over refusal to kneel before him with sufficient vigor.  Wholesale compliance is crucial to being an alpha.  Ask slavish voters who think he’s awesome precisely because he’s disagreeable.

A wholly inverted take on every life aspect makes them more miserable whenever they get what they want.  That sounds delightful.  But Trump inflicts what he wants on people with decent taste whether they oppose hideous black glass on the skyline or an appalling presidential choice.

Trump may be repellant, but at least he’s ineffective.  He creates the best of both worlds otherwise.  The perpetual presidential hopeful has rather paltry accomplishments for someone who proclaims to have the most of all.  If you’re going to be that repulsive, at least achieve something noteworthy.  Seducing a commandeered party doesn’t count.

Never has someone sold more garbage to more fools.  He told you he was the world record holder.  The only consolation is by what percentage he lies about his persona, who’s surely an awesome guy.

Impressing marks as well as himself doesn’t alter actuality.  It would be far more stunning to create an item astute humans wanted, but real effective businessmen don’t need something insignificant like products.

Winning at elections treated as a success in itself by political devotees who don’t trust humans to perform useful tasks without mandates.  I am starting to wonder after a couple of atrocious consecutive presidents if obtaining 270 electoral votes means the person who does so is qualified.

Obama-style gloating shows the wrong kind of bipartisanship.  A different cult style features the same membership style.  Debt will never decrease as long as we elect Democrats or the one alleged Republican who calls every conservative a RINO.

Every single aspect is untethered from context.  Loyalty, winning, power, strength: Trump and his lackeys value anything they think makes them dominant.  The fact they’re submissive bitches just spreads misery further.

A wholesale misinterpretation of what constitutes triumph is preferred by those who don’t care for subtleties like persuasion.  The lifelong obsession with claiming others are weak is surely not projection.  Foes of nastiness as a virtue only point out difficulty in maintaining principles or completing pushups.

Trump admires aspects that bring might without the context of morality.  Worst, he owns none of these things.  The embodiment of cravenness also summarizes overcompensation.  A psychiatrist would have an easy time with the biggest mental patient ever to serve as executive spread over several terms of regular sessions.  The diagnosis is as simple as the patient is stubborn.  A clown pitchman is genuinely nasty even when doing so as shtick, which is as close as Trump gets to authentic.

None of this is funny.  Invective is presented as dully as possible.  Crude nicknames are misinterpreted as laughs by the same zealots who think making preposterous opening demands during a negotiation will flummox an enemy.  Trump has never once said anything humoerous.  He’s more likely to sell a useful good.  Fans of rather broad comedy crave the comfort of American Pie-style outrageous situations that substitute for worthwhile material.  Trying to shock is for people who can’t write jokes.  

The misfortune of encountering a Trump fan on social media neatly encapsulates the savior’s career.  The most malleably hateful are shockingly lousy at insults, which is especially pathetic considering how much practice they have.  Zombified recruits are acting like their idol, which is praise in the same sense that holding meetings in Atlantic City would provide plenty of elbow room.  Alpha males who copy the scuzzy behavior of their real fake hero are funny in a way they naturally don’t grasp.

Pointing out the obvious isn’t itself an obvious thing to do.  As example number one, people who’ve never announced on Facebook to avoid friend requests as a result of being hacked need more lectures about how phony a human trying to con them can be.  Trump’s greatest political asset aside from suckering dupes is exploiting their unwillingness to learn.

Anyone who thinks the prototypical jerk is a high achiever believes every other bit of nonsense he announced, too.  Exhausted documentarians of scumbag behavior shouldn’t have to note in 2024 what was clear in 1984.  The latter earlier year doubles as the titles of yet another book he’s never read even though he’s an expert on doing the opposite of what’s said.

Moving past thinking an arrogant prick is terrific at getting worthwhile things done would be a welcome development in human progress.  Boomers won’t take a single step.

A long history of doing the precise opposite of what he claims is tiresomely irrelevant to worshipers who take him at his word.  The scuzziest religion also reflects the most obvious political push, which is quite odd for the self-proclaimed outsider.

Blatancy is an asset, at least for those who insist upon getting tricked.  Timeshare owners who endured a freaking presidential term of his ineffective awfulness and still think acting like a horse’s ass gets things done.  It’s true if ripping them off counts.

[kazuma-asogi-blog]

the last time i tried to take my crossbow out of my flat i got arrested by inspector jovi for "disrespecting the good image of the queen", so weapons are a nogo unless scotland yard has decided to be nicer since he got murdered. :(

but!!! im really glad you liked the turnovers!! my brother says i can slow down on the baking, which is his way of telling me to get back to writing that ballad about your hair and court achievements. it is not going well so if i deliver an apple pie to your office on monday (does mr pretty prosecutor like apple pie?? i do feel kinda bad not making anything for him-!!) then you will know that ive failed at perfecting it over the weekend.

on a completely unrelated note that has nothing to do with anything i swear mr handsome. hypothetically speaking if jack's brother came back from the dead and then immediately they got into an argument and then one of them got gored by one of their pet bears and then they both got arrested, and i heard most of it through the floorboards, does that make me a witness for the case and also would you take that case because wow!! you wont believe what happened while i was trying to send this to you!!! :(((

A crossbow might be a little unusual as a personal weapon, but still that should not have happened. If the officers in your neighborhood are prejudiced against the Irish, they should be replaced.

Given that Lord van Zieks doesn't like to accept food from strangers, I don't think he's offended. He did give you a rather thorough tongue-lashing before, so it's his own fault if he feels left out. I am more than happy to take his portions.

Ah. Here we go again, then? The investigating officers will interview anyone who may have been a witness. If they've finished and you think you were overlooked, you can make a report to Scotland Yard. Someone will take your statement, which will be passed along to the prosecuting attorney. Depending on what comes of the investigation, I will likely be given the case since I am already familiar with the characters involved. What is it you overheard?