#one is a fantastic ep and wow it makes me feel like im listening to CDs with my dad circa 15 years ago

[elkkiel]

I'm finally getting around to listening to the whole eepy discography in order and I'd love to know some of their earlier artist influences. Fields of Elation and When the Bough Breaks remind me a lot of Thrice (I wanna say a bit of Chevelle as well) in sound and vocal style. When the Bough Breaks especially feels like an Alchemy Index Air + Earth (Thrice) sort of song.

Maybe that's just me, but I grew up with a lot of that music so the styles feel really familar

Edit: When the Bough Breaks finally started and WOW I would be very surprised if there were no Thrice influences in here, the second half gives me Beggars vibes too. I am so in love in an incredibly nostalgic kinda way

[anosci]

(136-150 albums etc that I’ve listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11])

names and thoughts below cut

136/ Proc Fiskal - RT Hon (2023) absurdly cool hi tech sound de sign it fills a neat space where it's not "heavy" but it's not "chill" either.

---

137/ VA - SPC 18 (2023) absolutely insane turnout for this one! namedropping hilites: "doodack beta" BANGER. MASSIV. "a, b, or d-side?" cute :D "NO MORE SUICIDES" MASSIVELY UNDERRATED MINDBENDER. ERFBOUND. "the most average cbat in ohio" mad decent B)

---

138/ Dialed - Dials And Tribulations (2023) a nice chillout idm sort of flavor kinda late 00s sound somewhat? alright all around

---

139/ Jesper Kyd - Warhammer 40K: Darktide OST (2022) i got a comment abt JK's electostyle shining in here and… partial agree. the man loves his epic orch but when he pulls out the synths he goes hard. much love for both in "Transmission Commences". +holy shit "Disposal Unit"!

---

140/ Keiichi Suzuki - Mother Revisited (2021) this is a heartfelt reprise of the more human side of earthbound's soundtrack. ("mostly" because… wow there's some psychedelics here.) sadly overall not quite my cup of tea, but i cant help but admire the, well… heart.

---

141/ GRiZ - Rebel Era (2013) man this griz fellow makes some sexy music. finally, some funk in my wobs!

---

142/ Machine Girl - 13th Hour EP (2013) hmm. this doesn't quite vibe with me and i can't place why. except "Trigger Finger", which feels like an odd one out?

---

143/ Falcon Funk - Falcon Funk EP (2013) i am excited to announce that koan sound is not the only funky wob dude kicking ass in the early 10s. final track is a bit weak, drifting into some less funky style. feels misplaced. but the first three tracks? hell to the yeah.

---

144/ Pegboard Nerds - The Lost Tracks (2013) two big highlights here for me: "FrainBreeze" holy hell an absolute banger opening. i love the FUNK "Lawless" is absolutely WILD to me. im down for the hard acid throwback. but the rest? still really good actually!

---

145/ Stenny & Andrea - Vostok Smokescreen (2013) the synths float and the drums have a lovely texture. exactly the kind of kind-of-techno hazy-but-not-really vibes that i needed tonight.

---

146/ KNOWER - Let Go (2013) oh yeah, i just remembered. i really really love the stabby synthy jazzy vibe these guys pull off. i honestly thought "time travler" wouldn't hold without anonymoose's video but wow it still slaps. hot damn.

---

147/ Genevieve Artadi - Forever Forever (2023) honestly sounds like it could've come from cuneiform. like a particularly relaxed Thinking Plague. soft and luxurious.

---

148/ Fantastic Plastic Machine - Scale (2013) man. there's a lot here but i'm struggling to mesh with it. this feels like FPM wanted a piece of that fidget electro swingy houseish action and then… produced something thatd steamroll a 1998 set, but in 2013… bluh :\

---

149/ Flume - Arrived Anxious, Left Bored (2023) massive and l u s h . this is a funny spot where i just had a good time so idk what to add lol. its good!

---

150/ Flare - DOTS (2013) man, ken ishii always hits just right for me. lots of raw synth stuff but with just enough of a liquid bed to sit comfortably. feels like a really great combo of "old vibes" and new.

---

next page

[ladyadalicialove]

Onichan and Bakerix Review! SPOILER WARNING AHEAD!!

Two new episodes of MLB!! Huge spoiler warning if you have not seen them!!

Here I will discuss my many feelings on the two lastest episodes of MLB, and link the English Subs I watched if you haven’t seen them yet!

S3E9 Onichan: https://youtu.be/jh0BxLddCbY

So Lila returned and is still up to her tricks. Somehow people are still listening to her, which means that Marinette and Adrien have not told their classmates about her. Big oops there.

I honestly don’t appreciate Marinette eavesdropping and stalking Adrien at all, I never liked it before and I still don’t. I think it makes her love for Adrien seem more obsessive and really downplays how incredibly loving she can be. But at the same time I can see why she follows him, because she knows Lila is going to use him and hurt him. In a way she is looking out for a friend but she knows that Adrien knows that Lila is a liar. Therefore there is no need for her to be concerned. I’m conflicted on her motivations but in the long run she looks obsessive.

Kagami is a great character and I’ve always loved her, and my heart broke when she started crying. But I don’t understand how she can love Adrien??? If a guy took me on a date, where not only did he not tell you it was a double date with a girl friend of his, but also abandons you to go after said girl. I would be pissed, not in love? Maybe she has convinced herself that Adrien is insecure and little ignorant but that also mean he is ignorant to his feelings about her?? I don’t understand Kagami feelings but I like her.

Also she is a great potential partner for him. Hear me out because I’m a hard Adrienette, he trusts her more than any other girl. He cares for and obviously she is more than capable. His father seems to approve of her and she looks out for him. Marinette can barely string a sentence in front of him and her obsessive stalking is a bit creepy. I kinda ship Adrigami??? But then again after Silencer, Lukanette is looking fantastic.

My biggest problem with this episode is that...

HE DIDNT FREAKING POUND IT????????? S END HE CLP

CHAT NOIR ALWAYS POUNDS IT IM CRYINGGU AHY!! He never does this is my sunshine child okay!?

ALL IT TAKES TO CONVINCE THIS BOY THAT KAGAMI LOVES HIM IS HER TURNING INTO AN AKUMA BECAUSE SHE WAS HEARTBROKEN WTF

AHHHHH ADRIEN FUCKING AGRESTE YOU ARE HURTING MY SOUL!!

Overall this episode was quite painful to watch, and I’m mad at our little sunshine child.

S3E10 Boulangerix (Bakerix): https://youtu.be/JenTrrQ8VdQ

So he pounds it with Ladybug this episode but it was too much in the previous??? I’m really salty at him! Lukanette is looking fan-fucking-tastic compared to the disaster of the love square.

So Mari's grandpa has not left the house in twenty years meaning, he did not go to Tom and Sabine's wedding, missed Marinette's birth and her all of her birthdays. Probably missed Tom and Sabine opening the bakery? Like wow that man was stubborn AF, glad he didn’t pass that on to Tom or Marinette.

I truly had a hard time this episode, Marinette's grandpa was so bitter and stubborn it was a lot to watch initially. But by the end he was so loving and caring towards her, I had to forgive him. He had Chat take him home and ran inside to see if she was safe. Marinette was a goddamn angel this episode like how she had the patience to deal with him was beyond me. But it was amazing to see her wit and see how truly clever Marinette is. Obviously nobody is better at problem solving like her, she deserves to be a hero of be paris 100%.

So this might be me being detailed oriented but when I searched up the episode list for this season, one of the future episodes is called 'Startrain'. Episode thirteen to be exact. And the train that was being announced in this episode was called Startrain, coincidence?

I THINK NOT! Here is a blurry pic for proof from this episode and a pic from the episode list on their wiki.

And According to the synopsis of Startrain; "Ladybug and Cat Noir challenge Max's mother, now Startrain." Meaning that Max's mother is somehow apart of the new train!!! Possibly the builder or the founder of the train? Maybe she is a politician who is against it. But that’s just a theory, a MIRACULOUS theory.

My favourite part of the episode was seeing Tom and Sabine's wedding photo, how sweet!! She looked absolutely gorgeous in her gown!!! I wanna draw Marinette trying on her mother's wedding dress.

I liked the second half more than the first half but it was alright episode in total. I appreciate having a look into Tom's side more and where his love of baking comes from. Especially how he has taught Marinette everything he knows.

Love to hear everyone’s opinions on the newest eps! The tea has been spilled and I wanna know what you guys think!

Don’t worry guys Astruc said Adriennette was gonna be canon when Season 3 ended we just gotta hold on a little longer! STAY WITH ME!!!!!!!

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#4)

S3: Nothing to fear. See what happens.

-GUYS IT’S AVA

-yes.

-Ava: “It’s leaking.” Connor: “that’s impossible.” BITCH FUKCING BET

-Ava’s like bruh you ain’t shit

-ava undermining connor to latham. hmm...... not that good for my argument, but... it just means, greater redemption arc

-okay why does Connor gotta look at her so mean tho?? bro chill

-literally why is everyone so horny

-haha sarah yessss. the clipped ‘dr. reese’ ‘dr. charles.’

-i have no idea why but sarah and noah are just walking through the ed and I keep expecting ava to fucking pop out of nowhere and save her from the convo. oh my god.

-okay sarah’s storyline in this one is pretty good. the lady, the patient, she’s great.

-sarah is adorable right now. so professional but also chill

-’disingenious’ okay damn go off

-okay but back up to my point before, i’ve always thought of ava of being like this lowkey protector of women (ik it’s a little out of left field) so everytime I see a guy trying to talk to flirt with a girl i am always expecting ava to just swoop in and save the day. ESPECIALLY with sarah, and its gotten to the point while watching her and noah I ACTUALLY expected her to pop up. dumb monkey brain never learns --- I actually wrote this so here it is

-god sarah is the fucking best

-uh oh, the fact that there’s an ava/connor scene right after this is SENDING ME (not in the good way bc literally stop it - especially)

-this is the scene where ava brings him coffee and his hair is a mess. It shows empathy (if you take away the romantic ava subtext). Like if you look at it on the surface, it’s a great scene, she’s nice. But then she goes and starts talking about robin and how she is also kind of his patient, which could be read as undermining (listen ava stans I promise i’m not looking for negative ava points it just happens)

-BUT THE BEST THING IS IT DOESN’T GO THAT FAR. I was fully expecting him to get accusatory of her criticizing robin but he doesn’t so we’re good. This scene is completely fine without the romantic subtext, which is fantastic

-this scene is also fun if you think about those au’s where sarah or ava has really severe mental illnesses that effect her work bc then the exact things she says to connor ‘you work our schedule then you go home to your girlfriend who is basically your patient too’ and- Now that i think about it in those stories connor would just be super super supportive aw well

- i do really like that scene - one of the best points of connor/ava brotp

-Ava: “At least it hasn’t affected your sunny disposition” ma’am I love you

-Ava: “keep up the good work” she said keep making mistakes and I keep getting paid let’s go this is the team

-is this the one where the baby was fake? that was a really good episode

-aw wait there’s actually a baby nevermind

-ava’s best storylines are one’s where she’s independent of connor. we’ve established that. it’s not that I hate connor, I just get scared when they’re in the same room for a long time bc then they inevitably start talking relationships and undertones

-when we get to the actual relationship i’m gonna vomit

-why does Connor have to be right everytime? Come on, it’s annoying, and not just for me, right?

-everytime he’s right and ava is wrong, it makes ava seem impulsive. As we’ve established before, she’s not impulsive (EXCEPT WHEN CONNOR IS BOWLING OVER HER DECISIONS AND CONGRATULATED FOR IT). she’s a good doctor, she wouldn’t be at med with connor if she was not

-yeah it’s that classic thing where surgeons are always partial to surgery

-ava tends to lead to the more serious possible outcome. actually, that’s really all it is, she tends to believe the most drastic possibilities. she makes the tough decisions when no one else can/will. she’s fucking amazing, and that’s why we love her - but everytime connor bowls over her decisions, she seems impulsive, she seems incompetent, almost dramatic. med. no.

-especially on this case - remember that this is CONNOR’S mistake! ava is cleaning up after it! connor should not be congratulated when, from the way I look at it, connor’s just getting lucky.

-gosh sarah’s fantastic

- nobody:

-sarah: *rolls sleeves*

-oh yeah she steals sarah’s prescription pad. i really do hate all the people sarah treats bc they like totally take advantage of her and make her distrust them so much that she feels super unsafe. ava will protect her (in my brain ava is a instinctual protector of women)

-okay but literally in this scene sarah is like floored and she makes a deal of apologizing to charles but like,,, sarah Was right. babey no...

-ik that most medical dramas are all about doctors disagreeing over things but,, med would not be able to propel story without it. literally everything story beat is-

character A: I think this.

Char B: No! we’re going to do this.

*does the thing* *thing goes wrong*

B: See? I told you so.

-also most of the time something Else happens and A happens to be right the entire time. (and the amount of times character b happens to be female and char A is a man is astounding. literally ava in her first ep, and ethan and april now. holy shit I hate this show so much.)

-i boiled down med to its bare essentials!

-sarah: *prescription pad goes missing* *sees woman who wanted a note* *dramatic music plays*

-sarah... please no. she’s about to do a bad thing....

-sarah’s storyline makes me so fucking sad.

-the way sarah fixes her shirt/jacket when she tries to be in control

-SARAH GOING TO BE ALONE SO SHE CRIES ON THE ROOF - MY FUCKING HEART????? stop it med fucking stop it (i got so upset in my first draft i wrote stopping fuck it) - but that’s some reesker inspo right there

-med writers really try to make everything a ‘thing’

nobody: ...

april: it’s because i’m not a doctor, isn’t it.

(alt:

ethan: ...

doris: it’s bc you two are fucking, right )

-but maggie is taking none of their shit

-maggie: if you two don’t stop misbehaving i’m gonna move your desks apart

-the way all the people with common sense talk to the doctors like children is fucking hilarious (sharon: ‘I expect better from you, Dr. Manning’

-if nat pulls the ‘i know this, i’m a mother’ card i am suing.

-I’m suing.

-she pulled the ‘I’m a mother’ card AND the ‘my husband died’ card oh wow! a two for!

-okay honestly. Im gonna be real with u. If i came up with nat’s story about her fear of heights, then I wrote will helping her over her fear of heights, I would be proud of that. That being said, it feels suuuuper out of place right here. it’d be in place in like a thirty minute comedy (like the emotional development and pay off is on brand for like brooklyn nine nine) but it just feels suuuper weird.

-like having an hour per ep means it feels like they should have had enough time to better develop the story

-latham: ‘Did you go behind my back?’ YES LATHAM YES HE DID. FLAME HIS ASS

-i want to see what happens with connor’s benching storyline

-now i get anxious whenever they’re in surgery (you can use this for inspo)

-okay what. just bc connor found something wrong he gets to SCRUB IN??? BRO HE SHOULD NOT GET A SURGERY FOR NOTICING A MANUFACTURING MISTAKE??? this is so FUCKING STUPID

- i hate it here

-the way sarah folds her hands behind her back when she goes into charles’ office - adorable.

-okay what the fuck. charles asks sarah into his office and asks for her diagnosis of him, which makes it seem like he is actually trying to get better, but then when sarah answers his question (incorrectly btw, charles is not fine) he’s such a complete jerk. dude everybody needs to stop hating on sarah come on wtf. that’s literally so mean.

-god she is literally too pure she should not be a psychiatrist.

-that being said. she is beautiful.

-I FUCKING FORGOT THAT THE PATIENT SLASHED SARAH’S TIRES

-she really can’t catch a break. babey

-sarah noah brotp is probably peak

-its very rare for med to have two characters of opposite genders interact and not get together so this is a special thing

This episode wasn’t the worst. I wrote that fun little thing about Ava shutting down Noah’s advances on Sarah. The Ava/Connor cafeteria scene is fantastic for their interactions with each other, and like always, we just sit through the other storylines.

thanks for sticking through. not a lot to say, this was more me just talking about the general tropes used on med, but i did write a whole 500 words for casual reesker so its a good day

read the rest here:

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra

[honeyedmilks]

1-12, 14-19, 27-29, 32. 42 and 54 :D You don't have to answer them all hahaha

assiehfaefa ima answer them all! thank you so much angel!

1: favourite kdrama

let’s say that my current favourites are; the princess’ man, and jealousy incarnate!

2: least favourite kdrama

least favourite… hwarang, strong woman do bong soon, and drinking solo. i just dislike these. but if we’re talking one i like but wouldn’t have at the top of my list… then moon lovers. 

3: first kdrama i watched:

it was boys over flowers!!! wow!!! the memories… the tears… so iconic… i couldn’t watch lee min ho in anything for a long time because go jyun pyo broke my heart!!! 

4: last kdrama i watched: 

i’m currently watching school 2017 (!!!!!!!!!!!! kim tae woon i loveth you) and also watching an oldie drama called the woman who still wants to marry. it’s based around female friendship and i’m at ep 11 and still going!

5: kdrama otp (s):

oh boy so here we go!!! in no particular order, here are some pairings i really do love/ cried over/ had lots of feelings over!!

kim shin and eun tak (i miss my sweet souls) from goblin

lee se ryung and kim seung yoo from the princess’ man

park do kyung and oh hae young from oh hae young again

pyo na ri and lee hwa shin from jealousy incarnate

do min joo and cheong song yi from my love from another star

i’m sure there are more but these are whay come to mind right now! :’)

6: kdrama notp (s)

dugfsfhdsi 

wang so with tragedy and injustice!!!

7: preferred drama genre

honestly it first of all romance, but these days i love a good melodrama! romantic comedies are good too if they’re done well! i do also love a good fantasy… or saeguk, but again it depends on what kind of saeguk… drama’s about friendships… family… they can be really interesting. i’ll be honest and say my least favourite genre are workplace dramas. 

8: first drama i considered my favourite:

ooh… that’s hard… let me think… i think it was reply 1988- until it crushed my pathetic heart into a million pieces.

9: favourite korean actors

ooh… gong yoo (not just because he’s a fantastic actor but he’s also such a lovely awesome guy),

lee joon gi (for his magnificent micro-expressions)

ryu jun yeol (WHEN WILL HE RETURN TO DRAMALAND???!!!)

jo jung suk (you all must see him in jealousy incarnate)

seo in guk 

seo kang joon (he played my love, baek in ho)

 and so ji sub!

10: favourite korean actress (es)

zamn let’s do this then!

gong hyo jin (she is sooo lovely and brilliant!!)

kim go eun (again lovely and brilliant!!!) 

jun ji hyun (who doesn’t love her dramas tho) 

shin min ah (i love all these talented ladies so much it’s not even funny)

yoo in nah

uee

kim hee-ae

kim seul gi 

and lee sung kyung!

11: favourite kdrama cliche

ha! i honestly am such a sucker for the main leads doing sweet things like looking after the female lead when she’s hurt- even if it’s buying her medicine, looking after her when she’s drunk. just thoughtful things in general. and i like it when the female lead does the same for the male lead. like just doing lovely things for the other :( 

i am also a whore for long hidden glances and petty silly jealousy or crushing babbling nonsense (not like scary jealousy tho) and honestly who doesn’t love a good hearts racing, cheeks blushing cliche moment? 

when drama’s do parodies of other famous drama’s idhfud they just take the mick it’s so funny

food, everywhere, yummy ramen, yummy spicy rice cakes… yummy… yumness…

oh and a good crying scene… shed those dramatic tears my boy!!!!

12: least favourite kdrama cliche

wrist grabbing oiadhc’iuafh 

MISUNDERSTANDINGS, like the real ugly kind

noble idiocy is just… it rarely works… please stop making my soul suffer… 

evil mothers ;(((((( 

the dreaded make over

14: boys over flowers or secret garden?

boys over flowers!!!! watching secret garden makes me sightly sick now oahiduhfa the main lead :////// plus bof has lee min ho and his perm and i live for that look

15: weightlifting fairy kim bok joo or cheese in the trap?

now what cruel person… i want to say cheese in the trap just because i love baek in ho so much and it was such a thrill at the start… but i’ll have to go with weightlifting fairy… there’s more pro’s in this drama… like the fact i actually finished it when it was airing… 

16: jealousy incarnate or oh my ghostess?

definitely jealousy incarnate, lee jong suk is really brilliant as lee hwa shin and even though i have to admit that i didn’t watch the side stories, and mostly only the stories of lee hwa shin and pyo nari… it’s still better than oh my ghostess in my opinion. the latter show made me uncomfortable- mostly due to the fact the main lead was falling in love with a mix of two people. it just made me a bit itchy :(( and sad :(( because then the romance is a bit of a mess

17: descendants of the sun or w: two world?

hmm.. i actually did start descendants but dihfiadhf for the life of me could not get past the first two episode, maybe it was the dramatic love song at the end of their first meeting that had me both scratching my head and stifling laughter. but i’ve heard good things about w, and did want to pick it up until i heard the ending went a bit lopsided, so to save myself disappointment, i did not watch it. 

18: moonlight drawn by clouds or legend of the blue sea?

okay so this is tricky… mdbc is critically… probably a better drama but despite it’s flaws i really have to say legend of the blue sea. i watched it the whole way through, and i really love the soundtrack (which im actually listening to as i answer these) and the main characters, and it made me laugh a lot even if i did cry a little over the greatness it could’ve been :((

19: strong woman do bong soon or shopping king louie?

dsuigfiddifdfiv shopping king louie! how cute were booksil and louie ::((( so cute!!

27: favourite kdrama bromance

okay so this is an interesting question… probably the friendship between park do kyung and all his male friends from oh hae young again… their loyalty was heart warming, but grimsie and kim shin from goblin were cute friends too.

28: favourite kdrama friendship

i have a few!

oh hye won and her friend ji soo from secret love affair. i really loved their friendship, how ji soo was a pillar of support for hye won, she was a real friend. 

i really truly love the friendship between the three main female leads in the woman who still wants to marry- it’s so warm. 

oh hae young and her friend in oh hae young again are also very sweet, i’m really glad hae young had a friend she could talk to. 

oh and the friendships between shim cheong and all her cute oddball friends in legend of the blue sea :’((( that was pure stuff right there

and let’s not forget the kids and family on the block in reply 1988, its honestly so lovely :’((

i feel like there’s almost always a sidekick friend in kdrama’s but never are they good friendships that make me feel things :( sometimes the friend is just a prop 

29:  favourite actor/actress duo? (one male, one female)

oooh… this is hard… if this was bollywood it would be easier because i would’ve just said kajol and sharukh khan… but here… lemme think… now that i think about it… i really liked gong hyo jin with so ji sub in the master’s sun. i also really liked park hyun sik and lim ji yeon together in high society. but otherwise… my brain is frazzled!! 

how could i forget minah and namgung min in beautiful gong shim :((( they had such great chemistry 

but lets be real jo jung suk and gong hyo jin in jealousy incarnate were hilarious. 

32: do you watch drama’s with 30 plus episodes?

oh boy oh boy… i think i did watch one? but skipped a load of it to watch one couple… i mean i’ve thought about it? especially with father is strange… but it’s a pretty rare case. i know i’ve started some but couldn’t get through them all :(

42: favourite kdrama kiss scene 

ihfr’iue ye’qewu the kisses in coffee prince… are truly something… 10/10

54: recommend 3 fluffy AF dramas

efrhiptfuohf’rgh let us see… this is hard because kdrama’s don’t like being complete fluff… but the woman who wants to marry is a wild bit of fun :((

my girlfriend is a gumiho is a really nice watch, wouldn’t call it 100% fluff because… i cried a little 

oh and splash splash love is short and sweet without being too silly :’)

and i guess my only love song is a load fluff, you can enjoy its strange antics and not take it too seriously! 

thank you for these lovely questions

send me some asian drama asks!  

[antthonystark]

can you say something positive about this show bc i truly feel horrible and all i see are negative comments

sure thing fam! I’ve got a million and one great things to say about shadowhunters! 

the cast

let’s start with the cast…..oh man the cast, have you ever seen or heard of a lovelier group of people? a sweet and perfect redheaded angel? a cow-loving  farmer sunflower man? a sexy british rapscallion? a latina goddess who is the sweetest angel in the world? a hilarious but also very profound and extremely talent soft brooklyn hipster? the most talented dancer/human to ever grace the world who is also a complete wondeful dork? the sweetest and funniest and most wonderful person who ever did wear an ascot? they’re perfect 

nothing makes me happier than their friendships with each other and just their general sweetness :))))

i mean every dynamic of theirs is adorable and hilarious? kat and alberto’s friendship, domberto’s antics, the parabatri feels, dom’s lil crush on matthew, the esther/shelby/shumdario friendship! em being an older sister to kat!! how lovely are they all!!

and of course, of course, how earnest they are towards the show because they know how important it is to all of us, and it’s heartwarming to see all the effort that they put into the show, as well as the amount of respect and compassion they have while interacting with fans is the most wonderful thing 

and of course, the fact that the people behind the show always listen to and respond to fan feedback, positive or negative! they really care about us, and it’s lovely to see :) 

the show 

personally, i think the writing of the show has gotten amazing! season 1 was fantastic, but all of the sort of cringey dialogue and ‘wow, nobody would actually say those words’ is gone and everything is much more textured and real, and it’s really really really living up to the potential of its premise! 

it’s got a gritty NYC setting and its about badass angelic soldiers fighting a demon apocalypse, all while battling these insidious problems inside their own society as well, with no real moral high ground to be achieved, but really just a scramble for survival and trying to do the right thing,  and the tone of the new season is JUST PERFECT for that 

 i think the show has such amazing and dimensionalized relationships like i haven’t seen in a lot of much more highbrow fiction - the romantic stuff too, but i love how important and well-written platonic and family relationships are in the show! 

you look at a family like the lightwoods, and they’re so real - not just the love that they have for each other, but also the issues that they face, and the struggles between parents and children and siblings. amazing. well-written AS FUCK 

the bonds between alec and izzy and jace!! are so well-written, so well-acted!! the relationships between luke and clary/simon/maia!! astonishingly good

there’s so much texture and richness to all of them it’s crazy 

but not JUST those super close familial relationships - every single interaction has me floored with how great it is, including ‘rare’ ones like jace and magnus, or clary and alec, or clary and magnus, or magnus and izzy

every character has such great acting chemistry with one another, and so every relationship just comes across as rich and real in a way that a lot of lesser shows can’t accomplish 

let’s talk about acting! how amazingly has every cast member improved over the course of the show? even if they didn’t start off the first season as amazing, can you believe how great everyone is? how beautifully kat captured the grief of losing jocelyn in 2x05? how amazingly dom is portraying jace’s inner struggles and suffering about valentine and his identity? how much dimension and depth harry can give us in just one glance? how matt perfectly portrays the inner conflicts of a man who was never allowed to show his true feelings on his face? how beautifully alberto shows the struggle of not belonging anywhere that you used to call home? with what grace emeraude brings us izzy’s trials and suffering? how perfectly isaiah depicted not only the grief over losing everything - his world, his parabatai, the woman he loves, but also the struggles of having to get up from the pain and be there for his children? amazing. hats off to all and emmys all around 

every character also has so much - so much - dimension?

like, not a single one of the characters is the type of YA-fantasy caricature than you see so much in this genre - each of them is fully fleshed out with flaws and strengths, and each character interacts and copes with the horrible events of their lives in completely different ways, and it’s just lovely to see that kind of commitment to character even on a fantasy/action-driven show, and that not all of it has to be directly addressed and shoved in your face, but can be communicated through subtleties of acting and writing 

and each of them has their own critical/crucial role to play in the story? none of them are incidental or disposable and i love it! 

the special effects in season two are SO! damn!! good!! holy hell did you see the warlock fight this episode? beautiful! astonishing! 

i love the mythology of the show! it’s so crazy interesting to explore this world, because it’s not the type of world you see in a typical YA-low-fantasy type of setting - the shadowhunters’ society is such a new and refreshing mythology, with all of their customs and their ceremonies and their laws and myths and angels and runes - i love seeing them unveil more and more of it, because it’s honestly so original and interesting 

like did you see the rune ceremony in this ep? it was almost haunting b/c i just love thinking about this ancient order of angelic warriors and of course all of the complications of the societal hierarchies in relation to the other types of magical races

and don’t get me started on the other types of mythologies, especially warlocks! i love the idea of all these esoteric spells and potions and crap that shadowhunters don’t even know about and can’t even imagine the power of - it’s so interesting and i love how they’re fleshing it all out bit by bit 

and i love the merging of the regular urban NYC setting with the shadow word, in locales like the jade wolf, the hotel dumort, and even the insitute - how interesting and seamless it seems sometimes? it just gives the world so much texture

and of course, the romance is great! like i said, every actor has fantastic chemistry with each other - even if they’re not endgames like simon/maia or climon, they’re so well-acted and well portrayed 

malec is fantastic - i’ve almost never seen a relationship on a show portrayed with such gravitas and realness! i love how they didn’t let either character get subsumed by the relationship, but they’re also not ignoring the existence of it to give the character their own storylines independent of it 

and of course it’s so darn cute :) and harry and matthew put so much time and effort into it and im so thankful for them 

[polyamradiotranscripts]

Ep.4 Polysaturation

polyAM Radio Episode Four-Polysaturation

[Begin Transcript]

[Sophie]: Hello everybody and welcome to polyam radio the best show on the internet about polyamory that weird relationship thing you do with lots of other people

["Crazy little thing called love" by Queen plays]

[Sophie]: Hello everybody and welcome my name is Sophie Last-name-redacted

[Mara]: and I'm Mara Fake-last-name

[Sophie]: you are listening to polyAM radio which you already know because the intro just played

[Mara]: [laughs] just to remind you real quick about pronouns this is Mara's voice I use they them their pronouns

[Sophie]: this is Sophie I use she hers, Mara

[Mara]: yeah Sophie what's your problem

[Sophie]: wow, okay

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: umm soo, uh yeah I got a problem though

[Mara]: whats your problem Sophie

[Sophie]: I got, ya know, the holidays are comin up

[Mara]: oh I know

[Sophie]: and uh ya know candlenights is great uh for those mbmbam beanos who celebrate it but uh I got a problem with presants

[Mara]: mmm, mhmm

[Sophie]: I got too many partners Mara, I got too many presants to buy for too many partners

[Mara]: I haven't even started yet Sophie

[Sophie]: oh god, see I'm making some of the gifts for some of my partners soo

[Mara]: and you're only starting now

[Sophie]: no no I already have started well I've started some of them now I've started one

[Mara]: Sophie there's only thirty four days 'till christmas

[Sophie]: oh god

[Mara]: thankfully candlenights is whenever you want it to be

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: [laughs] I guess uhh ya know I uh I recently was talking online to some people about people that start their podcasts by doing skits and I'm not a huge fan of it just cause it feels really fake but umm ya know whereas we just normally just kinda pick a topic and go from there but I gotta say that I definitely see the appeal of avoiding a long awkward silence like that

[Mara]: yeah uh-huh having something scripted would really help with that instead of just pulling something out of our asses just now

[Sophie]: yeah that was supposed to be a long and entertaing bit about how hard it is to get christmas presants and stuff like that when you have so many partners and ya know whatnot uhh but

[Mara]: but we suck

[Sophie]: yeah we're not that good at this yet, I got to say I do want to say one thing I guess umm it's starting to feel real for me this podcast uhh I was on ya know I download the podcast and I listen to it actually the same as y'all are listening to it umm

[Mara]: I don't know how you can listen to yourself

[Sophie]: I acutally really

[Mara]: I hate it [laughs]

[Sophie]: I actually really enjoy it because I feel like it makes me better uhh because I can ya know if I listen to it a few times or whatever I can be really critical of myself and say okay these are things I need to  do better

[Mara]: I don't know how yall are listening to my nasally Wisconsin accent Im sorry

[Sophie]: oh my gosh

[Mara]: oh my gosh

[Sophie]: oh my gosh

[Mara]: that can't be real plesant so props to you for listening I guess

[Sophie]: yeah but so I do listen to it and ummm ya know I was listening to some of the previous episodes and whatnot umm I was listening to some of the previous episodes and ya know it's starting to feel real like there's enough ya know episodes now that I have to scroll through my ya know in the podcast app on apple and uhh on like spreaker where we host it there's like three episodes now and we're recording the fourth and it's starting to feel like we actually got something here

[Mara]: it's pretty cool

[Sophie]: yeah like this isn't just something like ohh we're going to start and it's not going to take off and everything it feels real and kinda good

[Mara]: yeah yeah

[Sophie]: I'm really happy with how this project has turned out I hope you all are umm we actually our next episode is gonna be a little weird uh it's gonna be uh what did you call it Mara

[Mara]: happy poly day

[Sophie]: happy poly days yeah and it's basically gonna be about all the holiday struggles uh taht people have when they're poly and stuff like that so everything from uh what gifts to get for what partners and how to afford all of them to

[Mara]: families

[Sophie]: yeah families and this person is a really big part of my life and how do I introduce them as my roomate or something like that

[Mara]: or do I introduce them to my family too

[Sophie]: yeah I gotta say I am there's this couple I'm dating right now umm who are some of the most fantastic people in the world uhh and one of whom transcribes the show and is blushing hardcore right now as she hears this but umm they're just they're they haven't been in my life for all that long umm but they're really important to me and it's actually difficult kinda going into the holiday season like I wish that umm ya know I could introduce them to my family and everything and be like ya know both of them to my family and be like hey uh ya know these are some people that are really important in my life and I wish that with all my partners but I'm feeling that really hard with two people in particular right it's it's just kinda hitting me close to home umm not to say that I don't feel that way about the rest of my partners of course I don't wanna set up some weird dichotomy or whatever umm

[Mara]: if you have any uhh holiday struggles feel free to send those in to use

[Sophie]: oh got yess that would be marvelous

[Mara]: so it's not just us talking because we're two people and we have not experienced everything there is to experience in the world so tell us your poly-days struggles

[Sophie]: yeah especially about like coming out to your family as poly and stuff like that

[Mara]: cause neither of us have done that

[Sophie]: yeah neither of us have done that uhh we just have kinda chosen not too uhh our family's are on the conservative side and are barely okay with me being trans uhh like so

[Mara]: yeah we'll just leave that for now

[Sophie]: yeah they're like barely okay with a binary trans girl never the less a uh an enby so

[Mara]: which they don't even know about

[Sophie]: yeah so the fact that ya know we just kinda choose not to go there cause we don't want it to get ugly at ya know christmas and for the rest of our years be the ones who ruined the christmas of seventeen or whatever

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: so we're just we're not dealing with it and that's our choice  and it's valid and if that's your choice then it's valid too but if you have funny stories or uhh lots of experience and stuff like that it would be really cool to hear from you you can tweet at us you've got two hundred and eighty characters now so what more could you need it's @PolyAM_Radio with an underscore in there capital 'p' 'am' and 'r' or you could send us an email at polyamradio all lowercase all one word at gmail dot com uhh you've actually got that information on the cover art of your umm of this podcast now I put it on there when I updated it so it's pretty cool stuff

[Mara]: you should also check out our facebook page if you're not on those other websites as well

[Sophie]: we're gonna plug all the stuff again at the end of the episode so there's that to look forward to

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: umm but so like I said at the begining of the episode and our ya know umm and I I guess what probably should have been a skit but kinda wasn't umm

[Mara]: that's just awkardly rambling

[Sophie]: ya know I'm having some problems with gift giving lately and uhh we actually got an email from someone who has a bit of a problem giving a gift of their own vis a vis love uhh ya know mentioned in a previous episode love is like a gift and you can keep giving it as long as you have resources to give those gifts and everthing kind of spoons and money and everthing and they actually emailed uh this person and with a really heartfelt and beautiful email I thought and uhh well why don't you read it Mara cause it was so moving we wanted to do an entire episode devoted to the topic with it

[Mara]: and I'm so so excited send us emails I think this is real real cool

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely we've gotten ya know this is only the third email we've ever gotten so this is real real exciting for us

[Mara]: Sophie and Mara let me first just say that I am so excited about PolyAM_Radio I've recently been exploring myself as a polyamours individual and it's scary at times listening to your show eases the fear and helps me to know what is healthy and valid this being said I need some advice ever since discovering that monogamy is not for me I have been falling in love with what seems to be everyone I know I can't give everone christmas gifts but gee it sure is hard to decide who I want to give my gifts to and how many I understand the answer varies from person to person and I already have a pretty busy life however I was wondering if you could tell me a general number that seems to work for you and others you know how many partner is too many how can I make sure that if I have multiple partners they're all getting the love and attention they deserve, enamored in Eagleton

[Sophie]: I'm gonna go and, wel they're probably too old now because the Matrix is an old movie but I'm gonna go find the bald white child umm from the Matrix the I think the second movie that was that

[Mara]: there is no spoon

[Sophie]: yeah there is no number

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: there is no right number which makes this kind of a hard question to answer because I can't just be like six, or whatever umm

[Mara]: holy shit yeah there are probably people out there with six partner but for me oooh

[Sophie]: I uh I did the math I actually have six partner right now

[Mara]: oh my god you're nuts

[Sophie]: yeah so we're going to get into the number in just a minute here but uh we just want to mention a few things first like I said the reference to giving a gift and everthing uh giving everyone christmas gifts it's a refernce to a previous episode we talked about love is not a pie that you slice up love is a gift and you can give anyone a gift and people are just thankfull for the gifts that they get they're not like ooh I didn't get as many as them or whatever and that's important if you don't understand that what the fuck are you doing you're listning to the episodes in the wront order smack uhh I also wanted to uh there is no wrong number so I guess ya know I'll kinda edit out the five minutes you need to do the math on your fingers but how many partner do you have right now

[Mara]: I can confidently say I have three partners uhh four if you count some more causal comittments that I have that I haven't necceicarily moved forward with I have a couple of comets in my life so this be people who I don't see all that often but when I do it's great it's fun it's really nice so I think I will I'm I'm like ninety five percent certain taht I'm not leaving anybody out when I say I have three partners that I'm pretty comitted to right now

[Sophie]: yeah I umm right now I have uhh I would say four very comitted partners and then I have uhh like at least two if not three kind of comets like we talk about people who are kind of just on your peripherary it's not a super comitted thing it's not a super hardcore thing but when they're around you have a lot of fun and uhh ya know it's it's a really cool thing and that doesn't mean that the relationship is worth less or anything like that but if we're just doing like total numbers of partners I do have six or seven partners right now that's not including like people that I would just have casual sex with or whatever all though I don't really think there's anybody I have casual sex with right now ya know that's not including play partners or anything like that, that's like partners partners

[Mara]: for sure uhh and the most amount of partners I've ever had at a time has been five, five, and that was way too many for me umm that was way too many for me unfortunately it didn't end very well I was I wasn't giving people the amount of attention they deserved and I ended up going to partners and kinda saying hey I'm really sorry I got kinda swept up in this new relationship energy or I've just been so busy with other things that I haven't been able to give you the attention you deserve and I'm sorry, most of them are pretty understanding ya know they appriciated me coming to them and saying hey I'm really polysaturated and I'm trying to work on this but I need to just kind of ya know take a second and re-address some of these comittments that I've made so that it's fair and that I'm giving you the attention that I can and the attention that you want from me

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely I umm right now this is actually the most number of partn- ya know the greatest number of partners that I've ever had that having been said it doesn't feel like that right now because there was a time about a year ago I think or maybe a little less where, man, that really felt like I was just uh I mean I felt like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag I mean I was just ripping at the seams uhh just with ya know how much and and how many uhh ya know partners  I had and and how stretched thin I was to make sure everybody got time and eventually I kind of ya know grew into it and everything and ended up aquiring some more ya know some people come or some people became a little more tangential in my life some people ya know left some people came in umm so I don't wanna make it seem like I'm streched super thin right now because I don't presonally feel that way I don't necceicarily think I'd want to go adding another five or six right now ya know that seems like a lot uhh but ya know I I'm not at what I would call critical mass right now which is a good place to not be umm there's actually a word though for that feeling like you're just gonna burst at the seams like you're being pulled in a million different directions at once and that's called polysaturation umm and so we got this email about it like I said and uh we thought that polysaturation was important enough that we wanted to do a whole episode on it so tell me a little bit about polysaturation Mara

[Mara]: yeah uhh so it's kinda like you said when it when it's that feeling of being stretched too thin it's ya know you don't feel like you're getting the quality time that you want with your partners and you feel like they're not getting the quality time they deserve umm and I think the hardest thing about this is at different points in my life I'm a student right now I've mentioned that before I'm a student and I work and I'm getting ready to apply to grad school which is a big scary thing so the amount of time that I have during different times of the year vary and the summer I have a lot more time as opposed to like ya know right up against finals like we are right now it just it varies so I know that at different points in my life like ya know it's there are times where there's too many and right now the number that I'm at I'm super comfy ya know I know that even if I do get really busy even if I do have that time crunch I'm gonna be able to give the time and attention to my partners that they deserve uhh but it is a problem and it is something that I've dealt with before like I was talking about earlier when I was polysaturated ya know it it took a toll on a couple of my relationships and it was it was a really crappy feeling coming to my partners and saying hey I've been kind of neglecting you and I'm sorry that was something that's really really hard but ya know being able to talk to those partners really helped me to make sure that they were getting the attention that they deserved because if you don't talk to your partners you don't know what they need ya know it it's one of those talk to your partner moments

[Sophie]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out]

[Mara]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out] exactly it's ya know it it's really important to be on the same page as all of your partners and I think that's the best answer I have to your question how can you make sure that all of your partners are getting the love and attention that they deserve, talk to your partners know the level of comittment that they want know the level of comittment you want and then try to structure your relationships around that ya know I think umm unfortunately there's not a good way to know when when you hit peak partners until you're sitting there and you're like well fuck ya know just a trial and error ohh no I've done it again [laughs]

[Sophie]: well and I think part of the problem ya know there's not really ever in your life gonna be a rule as far as ya know oh well this is how many partners I can have because part of it a lot of it has to do in my experience with how many or or pardon me not how many partners uhh you have but with kind of who the partners are and how much attention they require and how much ya know how often they kinda wanna see you and are able to see you ya know uhh I date primarialy other students and what not or people who have been students uhh just that's who I'm dating right now and ya know I gotta say they're pretty understanding for the most part of my time and when I don't have much but ya know a lot of times I mean I see Mara every day because we live together ya know we're nesting partners we wake up next to each other umm ya know frankly if it wasn't Mara if it was someone else this would be a nightmare frankly but Mara's just special and wonderful ya know I'm able to do it, there are other partners I have where I'll go days without talking to them and that's fine, that's not a problem, uhh especially the long distance ones or whatever and then there are sometimes where we'll talk for hours and hours in a day ya know you kinda block your time like that ya know but even just this weekend I was studying for a huge exam that was monday night and I didn't really see you almost all weekend and especially the day of the exam monday I mean it was an evening exam so I basically like you came and saw me in the library at one point but ya know I just didn't have time and that's okay that's not a bad thing so ya know my partners for the most part understand where I'm coming from and where I'm at so I can have more because they're so understaning and because they're usually by in large or at least lately they're usually pretty low maintainence umm people that need more from you that require more from you that is absolutely fine that does not make them bad or toxic but you will be able to have less which again is fine more isn't better but ya know they're going to require more time and more energy and more spoons and more everything from you so that's going to affect your number too umm Mara even said it it also differs ya know the time of year over the summer and over the winter man I can have a million fuckin partners I'd be soo like ya know I'm just swimming in time and then the second the semester starts up again I'm in hell

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: I'm in absolute hell and ya know I've had problems with that before ya know  with getting in too deep during some of the off months and then going ohh tits

[Sophie]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: this wasn't I don't know why I thought this was sustainible but it is not and hindsight is great but now I have this cool thing that I don't want to end how do I resolve that

[Mara]: well and unfortunately in my experience a lot of it is just it's trial and error it's umm to thine own self be true a little bit know what you're capable of know what you want poly is polyam excuse me is a lot of work truly I think a lot of people look at polyamory like it's the the lazy I wanna avoid comittment thing to do but truly you are actively choosing and actively pursuing comittments with so many other people and so you're sitting there and you need to think about things a lot harder than you do in uhh at least I feel you have to think about things a lot harder than you do in monogamous relationships you need to have a lot of self refelction and that's hard and you're gonna make mistakes and they're gonna suck, making mistakes sucks, in my experience as, speaking as somebody who's made more than their share of mistakes, mistakes suck and they hurt and it might cause break ups to happen and that's not fun and we can probably do a whole episode on polyamorous break ups, but

[Sophie]: damn that's ac- that would be really good I don't have that, I have a list on my phone of episodes that I want to do and that's not on there and that would be really good actually that would be really good

[Mara]: yeah I feel like we could do just, we could talk into your ears for another full forty mintues or however long we tend to go about what breaking up when polyamorous is like

[Sophie]: well especially because recently and ya know it's still pretty fresh it still hurts a lot umm the truth of the matter is a few months ago we had a nesting partner leave us and it wasn't pretty, it was someone who we had comitted to heavily and who we kind of thought was always gonna be in our lives and umm ya know we gave them a comittment symbol and they literally in the they threw it out ya know and umm ya know it was it was hard on everybody and I'm not gonna sit here and slander anybody but uhh ya know that is kinda something we went through

[Mara]: yeah there there was a lot going on there to be sure but umm so anyways yeah no like know yourself talk to  your partner and also this is the best the single best piece of advice I have ever been given by someone else who is polyamour it was actually uhh one of my current partners you have to treat yourself like you are dating yourself, you need to know when you need you time you need to know when you need to be maybe with this one partner maybe not spending so much time with this other partner and you need to be with other people who are good communitaters it's it's really important to surround yourself with with people who aren't toxic for you and and someone being toxic doesn't necceicarily mean that they're a bad person it just means that they're not the right person for you and so you need to be aware of that but I guess my best piece of advice is as you meet people you can add relationships I don't think I know anybody who ya know discovers that they are a polyamorous individual and then goes out in one day and comes back with five relationships that's not in my experience how relationships work and it might be for some people but I think often times it's this process of getting to know people

[Sophie]: [Mara]: [singing] geting to know you, getting to know all about you

[Sophie]: can you tell I don't know the song very well

[Mara]: [laugh] umm can you tell that I was a theatere kid in high school, probably um but you ya know you get to know people you get to know their relational style because everyone has different relationship sytles everybody has different umm I know there are people out there who don't think that the love languages exist or are a smart thing or whatever I personally like that I think it's a useful of explaining the way that people give and show love ya know and I umm I'm very much a quality time person, I I wanna spend time with people but if you know you're a quality time person and you are with somebody who is a words of affirmation person you need to learn how to relate to them or maybe that doesn't work for you and that's okay you just need to know that , so ya know know yourself as hard as that is to do uhh spend some time dating yourself getting to know what you want and what's important to you in a relationship

[Sophie]: yeah and I think that's really good advice uhh ya know and again I try to ya know this is a show by polyamorous people for polyamours people but I always hope there are things in here that anyone can take away that monogamous people can take away, that aromantic people can take away, umm ya know uhh and I think that really whenever you're in a realtionship ever you should always say yes I'm dating this person but I'm also dating myself or I'm not dating anyone but I'm also dating myself because you have to put time and energy and active thought into a relationship and you should treat yourself with time and energy and active thought you should be treating yourself well so I gotta ask ya know after all this uhh is this, how real is this problem, how serious is this and how serious should we be taking it uhh ya know is this something like new relationship energy where it's kinda a  minor problem and it can make you do some foolish things and it can get you into a little bit of troube but it's not that serious as long as you know it's there and look out for it, is this something that it can really start to impeade your life if you don't pay attention to it or is this something that in your opinion doesn't realy cause a lot of problems

[Mara]: I think it's something that can really really mess with your life and it in any relationship ya know monogamous or friendship or whatever if you're neglecting somebody if you're not spending time with somebody you're just kinda like oh yeah yeah we're in a relationship but I don't have to spend time with you right I don't have to talk to you or give you any attention that's that's bad, that's bad for your partners that's bad for you and I think it is, it's a real problem I think ya know before it escalates to it it absolutely is ya know kinda like new relationship energy and being aware and wow I'm being a dumbass right now and I need to check myself before wreck myself kinda thing

[Sophie]: yeah absolutely I think that it's a lot like being stressed out or having a panic attack, it doesn't necceicarily it ya know it doesn't neccecitate that there is something wrong things could be fine there might not be a problem but even if there's not whatever the situation is you're not handling it and a change needs to be made even just for your health and well being even if you're not currently neglecting your partners you are stressed out about this and doing something different would probably be good that doesn't neccecarily mean ending the relationships but probably at this point certainly not starting any new ones right I mean

[Mara]: yeah

[Sophie]: if you're feeling polysaturated the best thing to do is give yourself some times say okay I'm not gonna date anybody new and if you meet somebody amazing and if you fall in love and if it's perfect and if and if and if tell them hey listen I just ya know I really like you but I just got into this new relationship and it's taking a lot of my time and energy and I want to be with you but we gotta put it on hold because I just need some time to adjust to this new thing and figure out where it's going and what's gonna happen ya know versus just ya know devil may care jumping into a new thing I think that's really foolish personally umm, is there a kinda of a a solution a cure-all a ya know cure-all cure nothing as they always say in sawbones but umm,

[Mara]: you're such a dork

[Sophie]: [laughs] I'm a McElroy fangirl I can't help it

[Mara]: ya know what it's okay because when we were talking about ya know if theres a rule as to how many people I almost said ya know it's not like a rule of two kind of thing

[Sophie]: [yells] yes! you don't even like star wars

[Mara]: no I'm just around it all the god damn time

[Sophie]: yes

[Mara]: [laughs]

[Sophie]: Mara isn't even in to star wars, they've just absorbed enough about the Banite Sith to know that the rule of two is like  a really big deal from me reading the novels if you haven't read them go out and read Drew Kapershick's Darth  Bane trilogy path of desctruction, rule of two, dynasty of evil it's amazing and then read Darth Plageius by  James Lucino, holy crap mind blowing books, really really well written umm and if you like star wars at all  you'll love these books the audio books on audible are amazing, they're not paying me to say that I'm just a fan

 [Mara]: you're trash

 [Sophie]: I'm trash

 [Mara]: [laughs]

 [Sophie]: I'm absolute trash

 [Mara]: is is there a solution,commuunniicattee [drawn out]

 [Sophie]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out]

 [Mara]: you gotta commuunniicattee [drawn out] yeah no talk to your partners know yourself,  refelct [laughs] ya know  uh think before you snack, act

 [Sophie]: think before you snak

 [Mara]: it's from mulan when she's got the umm caligraphy on her arm and shes

 [Sophie]: ohhh

 [Mara]: reciting the final admonition I'm also a huge Disney nerd umm but yeah ya know think think before your snack, act

 [Sophie]: [coughs]

 [Mara]: yeah no it's kinda we we've covered the solution a couple of times throughout the podcast, know yourself,  know your partners, just spend some time thinking about what you need to do

 [Sophie]: yeah and and I think that ya know I would say if I had to give a solution mine would probably be  treat it like stress because that's really what it is it's just stress about the relationships and about being  streched to thin and generally speaking when I feel stressed I often feel like I don't have enough time for anything  and that's really really  really bad  because the soulution to that is to take more time to do things and to  move very deliberately through your life

 [Mara]: mhmmm

 [Sophie]: umm take more time to do basic self care I'm not talking about giving yourself a fun ya know a bath with rose petals  in there I'm talking about showering with a fucking uhh pumice stone and scraping three weeks of dead skin off your arms  I'm talking about eating at all, I'm talking about drinking water, enough of it, you need to take more time to do these  things when you're stressed, not less, you need to take more time to study if you're stressed about school than when  you're not stressed and it often feels like you don't have any time and you can't do these things, that is your brain  lying to you because it thinks you're being chased by a tiger and that you're going to die, my grandfather had a saying  uhh that he he was a cartoonist and he used to write this saying on everything umm and ya know I think he had  a really interesting perspective because he was I'm not big on the military I'm not big on imperialism  and and and stuff like that but he was in the military uhh he was in the Korean conflict and umm [laughs] actually  in his old age he used to say that he didn't wanna go on walks because he walked across Korea and that was enough  for anybody, regardless he had a saying that the way  to relieve yourself of a burden is not by refusing to carry it

 [Mara]: mhmm

 [Sophie]: the best way to relieve yourself of a burden is not by refuling to carry is the way to relieve yourself of this stress  with this relationship is not by refusing to carry it and it's not by just saying oh well I'll give my partners more  time and I'll spend more time and I'll go on more dates, no, the way to relieve yourself of it is to do the uncomfortable  thing talk to your partners and then sink more time into yourself because chances are if you're feeling polysaturated  the one who's not getting enough time more than anyone else is actually you, okay, and I'll just say that out there  because pretty much anytime when you feel streched too thin by comittments and stuff like that and ogbligations generally  speaking we drop things that we need first and it's important to take care of yourself and do the things that you need  to do to keep going and to subsist

 [Mara]: well and and Sophie you're kind of a ch-emist

 [Sophie]: I am indeed a ch-emist ch-emistry

 [Mara]: ch-emistry umm but

 [Sophie]: I'm a bio ch-emist

 [Mara]: you're a ch-emist [laughs]

 [Sophie]: I wish I was a ch-emist I'm a wannabe ch-emist, chemist chemist for those of you who are having trouble figuring  that out

 [Mara]:  with saturation when a solution is saturated it means that there's too much of one of the uhh of the solvent, no  the solvent is the thing that, can you tell that I'm real real bad at chemistry

 [Sophie]: can you tell that I'm not helping and that I'm just gonna let you flounder

 [Mara]: uhh

 [Sophie]: so when a solution reaches saturation I just said I wasn't gonna help, umm but when a solution reaches saturation  basically you have your solution and you have your solute

 [Mara]: solute! that's the word

 [Sophie]: [crosstalk] and your solute is what is dissolved in the solution, and basically at that point you cannot get  any more solute into that amount of solution it won't dissolve anymore it's just going to sit there at the bottom  of the beaker stubbornly and not dissolve and you need to do one of two things if you want to get away from saturation  and I think Mara's gonna talk about it

 [Mara]: No I was gonna ask you what you do I just you really you kinda stole that from me

 [Sophie]: sorry

 [Mara]: I was trying to be clever

 [Sophie]: I'm sorry I get really excited about ch-emistry

 [Mara]: so what do you do when a solution is uhh saturated

 [Sophie]: you can do one of three things, umm the first thing you can do is find a way to remove some of the excess solute  that's in there by filtration or something like that remove some of the stressor, in our analogy, another thing you  can do is add more solution if you have something that is taking up your time and whatnot and you lets say it's school  and you graduate from school and all the sudden it's ah I've got so much more time it's wonderfull, great, you can  sink that into your relationships if you want, you've added more to the solution, the third thing you can do is  heat up the solution because a greater amount of free energy in the solution will result in a greater amount of  uhh ya know solute being able to dissolve in there, I don't really know how that applies

 [Mara]: set the things that are taking your time on fire

 [Sophie]: yeah for sure

 [Mara]: set it on fire

 [Sophie]: light your obligations on fire

 [Mara]: [laughs]

 [Sophie]: I will say that it's actually very interesting

 [Mara]: don't do that please don't do that

 [Sophie]: yeah please yeah please don't do that

 [Mara]: for the love of god no

 [Sophie]: I do wanna mention there is something that can happen only with certain solutes in certain solutions  uhh but you can reach a point called super saturation if you heat it up dissolve more than is natural to be in there  more than is uhh kind of chemically comfortable to be in the solution you can reach a point of super saturation and  then everythings fine as it slowly cools down and you can go type in super saturation into youtube and look this up  but any disturbance say a finger poke in the top will cause tons of solute to spontaneously umm uhh umm uhh word  to spontaneously percipitate out of solution wow I went to college to get stupid I guess, uhh but basically  the metaphor equivalant of that will be is that if you try to super saturate your life it'll end poorly  and I'll have like very little sympathy for you cause like I warned ya and you heard it on the podcast

 [Mara]: so don't light your obligations on fire

 [Sophie]: please please don't do that thing

 [Mara]: uh oh

 [Sophie]: oh go for it sorry

 [Mara]: did, do you hear that

 [quiet klaxon sounds, grows louder]

 [Sophie]: what

 [Mara]: in the distance

 [Sophie]:  in the distance, I hear it

 [Mara]: it's getting closer

 [Sophie]: it is it's getting louder, I think do we have a polyfolly

 [Mara]: we have a pollyfolly

 [Sophie]: son of a bitch we have a polyfolly fucking pollyfolly

 [Mara]: [laughs]

 [klaxon fades]

 [Mara]: so today's pollyfolly is getting into too many realtionships too quickly which uhh this is like new relationship  energy and polysaturation in one fun package

 [Sophie]: yeah I umm I wanna mention that this also includes joining triads and things like that if you find a cool couple  or if you find a cool triad or a cool polycule of any size that you think you wanna join that is cool I am happy  for you but

 [Mara]: check yourself

 [Sophie]: it could get very bad very quick especially as the new realtionship energy wears off I would not be shocked at all  to hear that someone in that situation would begin to feel polysaturated again doesn't make you bad doesn't make  you wrong it just means that it's something you need to be aware of going into it that way you don't make an ass   of yourself, get it, cool, also probably uh ya know you mentioned new relationship energy and I wanna throw this in   there a lot of new relationship energy can convince you to get too serious too soon in a relationship that's   definitely gotta be a big polyfolly

 [Mara]: yeah well and if you haven't listend to that episode yet we have a whole episod-

 [Sophie]: what are ya doing ya lis- doing in the wrong order

 [Mara]: there's no order Sophie

 [Sophie]: there is an order, no when I export these to m-p-three they ask me what the track number is and I put it in there

 [Mara]: there's not an order, but yeah we have a whole episode that talks about why that's a difficult thing you should   go listen to that that's why that's a polyfolly don't jump up that relationship escalator

[Sophie]: don't jump up a podcast escalator listen to it in the right order

[Mara]: all right, uhh also failing to get to know someone fully before getting comitted to them that is that is guilty

[Sophie]: yeah guilty

[Mara]: you can't see it , raising my hand guilty guilty as fuck

[Sophie]: can you tell, ya know these polyfollies we don't have like a magic book that we look into that somebody else wrote and we say ahh these where the polyfollies are if we're saying usually means we've done it and is usually means it went poorly

[Mara]: yeah so good to know people

[Sophie]: getting to know you [singing] getting to know things about you

[Mara]: a;lsdkfj not wrong, that's fine [laughs ] but yeah no get get to know your partners it's cool

[Sophie]: we're gonna have no downloads after this episodes because people aren't gonna want to listen to my voice

[Mara]: before you saddle that comittment monster [comittment monster growl]

[Sophie]: every fucking episode he's gonna be in now I swear

[Mara]: yeah he's a reocurring character well see it's the less than four times more than seven times theory so I'm sorry for the next few episodes you're gonna fuckin hate the comittment monster but

[Sophie]: oh but then it'll start to be ironically funny again

[Mara]: yeah

[Sophie]: yeah because we've doing it too much until we've done it sooo much that it just becomes funny again

[Mara]: mhmm

[Sophie]: got it okay

[Mara]: yeah

[Sophie]: now I understand

[Mara]: but before you saddle up that comittment monster get to know the person that you're saddling that comittment monster with because oh wow this is gonna get real real dark they might stab you in the back and ride off with that comittment monster

[Sophie]: they might steal your comittment monster and then you'll have to go find a new comittment monster

[Mara]: and I just nobody wants to do that

[Sophie]: breaking in a new comittment monster is a terrible line of work

[Mara]: [laughs] umm yeah so I think that's all we have for polyfollies today

[Sophie]: before we finish up I have a few points of order

[Mara]: is this a meeting

[Sophie]: this is well

[Mara]: I didn't know you're falling roberts rules

[Sophie]: roberts rules

[Mara]: roberts rules, meeting, no we don't have points of order

[Sophie]: uhh well we do have this point of order, umm I didn't pay much attention in my commuinications class that my college required me to take um I'm pretty sure I did actually go to college to get stupid but umm I just want to mention again like we mentioned at the begining we do have a twitter and a facebook but as you can also see on the cover art of this we have a patreon now which is really cool and uhh like I said the link should be in your cover art it won't work if you click on it but it's seriously patreon dot com slash polyam radio it's pretty easy and before you turn this off because we're asking you for money just hear me out for one second umm we have some really cool rewards that we're gonna be putting on patreon and it would really help us out seriously it starts at just one dollar a months

[Mara]: give us your lunch money

[Sophie]: yeah I'm gonna start out I'm gonna just read very quickly some of the cool rewards that we have on there you can go uhh ya know read them yourself on the link but I'm just gonna ya know briefly briefly umm kinda go through it so for the first level which is patrons this starts at just one dollar a month uhh seriously y'all that is fifty cents an episode that you're basically paying for this I think these ya know frankly I think these episodes are worth more than fifty cents a piece uhh but you're getting them for free right now and if you'd like to show your support but you're kinda straped for cash that's absolutely fine for just one dollar a month you'll get a personal shout out on this show probably on most of the episodes umm ya know that's a pretty cool thing ya know you can hear your own name and other people will know how cool you are and I think that's a really awesome thing uhh for partner that's partner of the show not partner of us, that's a five dollar a month tier and at this level you'll not only get a shout out on the show almost every episode  but uhh you'll also get access to a few bonus episodes we're gonna record and post and those are gonna be cool topics that only our patreon users will have access to so that's some very cool stuff and ya know frankly I hope everybody ya know wants to support on patreon and I hope everyone is able to because these are gonna be really cool episodes that you're not gonna have access to otherwise and ya know it's not that we wanna keep things from other people we just wanna ya know those people that uhh wanna go the extra mile and support us that way we wanna do them a little something umm and then primaries this is the top teir right now for ten dollars uhh a month or more I wanted to make a glucose guardian slash sugar daddy level but all I could think of the reward was show you my tits and I don't think I'm allowed to do that especially over an audio only medium umm so basically at the ten dollar a month level uhh you'll get the shout out on the show you'll get the bonus episodes and uhh you will get all the episodes a week before they come out for everybody else so basically once we get some ten dollar basically what we're gonna be doing is over winter break I'm gonna create kind of a backlog of these episodes and we're gonna have a few of them stored up and I'll be posting them a week early on patreon for our ten dollar a month primary umm uhh patrons I guess our primary patrons umm so if you really really love this show and you wanna support it and you wanna get some early episodes and everything and see it before everyone else does and be the cool one at the bar who ya know knows what's going on in everybodies favorite podcast then that's a real good option I encourage you umm I made the descriptions of these levels very funny in the text I didn't wanna read them here because I wanted the surprise to be there for you but I encourage you at least visit our patreon give em a read umm maybe consider it and certainly share the link and tell your friends because umm we're looking at investing in some new recording equipment and stuff like that our microphone is really high quality but it's just sitting on the counter right now we don't have a mic stand umm we don't have a kind of a one of those cloth like pop ya know buffer things umm uh I'm sorry I've been really sick all week and yeah like I said sorry I'm getting sick and or I'm just getting over being sick rather and its reall- this is really taking a toll on my voice today umm but anyways umm ya know I know that umm uhh it would mean the world to both Mara and me if you would at least consider supporting and if you'd share with your friends so we can get more listeners right now this is only the fourth episode we're recording and right now we've got about twenty or so people who listen a week and I can't tell you how amazing that feels I know that's not much in the podcasting world when people have ya know six figures of followers but I'm an activist who does events at the colligiate level right now and when I put on a program if twenty people showed up uhh ya know I'm in heaven ya know that's great in my world truly umm ya know we love and appriciate every single one of your you're the absolute ya know I guess you're our fans I guess and like ya know not that you like bake us cookies and send us things and whatever but I still think you're the best fans in the world and I just I can't tell you how much we both appriciate this so like I said please consider supporting us and please this week if you could it would mean a lot to us tell at least at least one friend or partner about this podcast and just download it on their phone for them just give them that just say hey I'm just gonna do this quick and then ya have it and listen to it whenever you gotta because then they got it and they won't forget the name of it it would really help us out and it'll help us uhh ya know it would help our confidence and whatnot it would help us knowing that we're getting a wider reach and it'll help more people find this and hopefully it'll help more people learn more about polyamory because that's what this whole thing is about so yeah that's enough for the formal meeting portion of this and I think that's actually  about all the time we have today so uhh have a nice holiday and remember don't date you're dad's best friend

[Sophie]: [Mara]: and don't date you're best friends dad

[Sophie]: see you next time folks

["Good old fashioned lover boy" by Queen plays]

[Announcer]: This show was part of the trans podcaster visibility initiative

[End transcript]

[thethirdwheel404]

Med Rewatch Series (#2)

\haha yeah I was totally planning on sleeping but I literally cannot think about anything else other than getting this idea out of my brain. so, we will try to get through the finale of s2: Love Hurts. please enjoy.

-okay so right off the bat before even starting the episode, i noted a few things. the episode description is “Robin experiences complications and a new face arrives at the hospital.” How fucking annoying that it’s the season finale and the entire episode is centered around connor? of course, at this point we don’t know that the ‘new face’ is his future love interest.

-also!!! the fact that ava is mentioned in the episode description of the season finale? That’s huge!

-the episode description makes it sound like nothing fucking happens in this episode.

-also i am extremely scared to start the ep bc i feel like it is going to through me straight back into the deep end and put me in a state of emotional shock.

-i will try to take very deep breaths before the episode starts. okay. here we go.

-does this episode open with robin being carted in on the ambo bc if this is the ep im thinking about, i remember appreciating how angsty this scene was

-i still remember charles yelling ‘2 of adavan!’

-okay hi sarah i really was not expecting to see you this soon

-oh wow. just. sarah calling shots in the ed. in control. you love to see it. also. im just now remembering how early in the ep we get to meet ava. i always remembered it as being at the very end but. i remember connor being distraught with his messy hair.

-also i’m highkey loving how out-of-control connor is rn

-reese. god i missed you so much.

-they counted again. love that.

-okay but like i have no analysis just every time sarah’s onscreen i just want to say ‘i love you’

- i have not heard sarah speak in a HOT SEC and god i forgot how deep her voice was and it is sending me (its not even that deep i just like, forgot.) It has been years and I honestly think i have forgotten who sarah really was. sad.

-like i don’t remember the last time i could describe her as in control but right now treating robin she’s calm (honestly bc she’s the only other shrink on the show, but HOLD ON WAIT DOESNT CHARLES GET SHOT AT THE END OF THIS EPISODE WHAT THE FUCK. reese has one moment. and then her and charles start bickering. i remember why i was so mad)

-i’m in love with her.

-i really have to sit through the next 40 mins of this and just everytime i see sarah going ‘i love her,’ and now you do too.

-oh my god CHARLES SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU CANNOT BLAME CONNOR FOR THIS

-also the reason i became disillusioned: dr charles just started being suuuuuper sus.

-i do love sarah. and honestly, connor, not my favorite, but this storyline really made me empathize with him. his girlfriend is having a psychotic break and people keep shitting on him. (maybe the reason i didn’t like ava at first. really kicked him while he was down)

-I... haha. sarah. hnghhh. you can guess the rest.

-if you were in this situation, with robin, would you be thinking like connor or would you be thinking like charles? personally- connor. Robin was fine. maybe a little impulsive to take her home, but charles was being suuuper overprotective (from what I remember).

-Charles: “This is on you. You did this.” I remember that line hitting really hard when I watched it the first time lmao damn.

-SARAH. HER EYES ARE RED. SHE’S SAD. SHE’S CRYING! COME ONNNN MEDDD YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME!!! (and I swallowed my water the wrong way which somehow triggered my gag reflex so now im crying too please god stop Im sorry what did I do)

-yay sarah. hey guys look at that. sarah gets to, like, do her job.

-ALSO I JUST REALIZED THAT S3 STILL SUCKS FOR SARAH BC OF HER INTENSE INTENSE PTSD??? LIKE SHE WHOLE ASS PEPPERSPRAYS HER PATIENT???

-also these are the clothes charles got shot in and honestly i’m not even mad. I’m mad that him getting shot put sarah through so much pain (i talked a lot about ava but y’all are really gonna see just how protective i am of sarah. like god even I forgot.)

-you can see how much sarah cares about connor. which is like, fantastically crazy. (it fuels the rheese shippers which is why i tend to be against it) but just like, that’s just how sarah is. she cares so much. she’s not even close to connor, but you can see how much she cares. this is why its so unfair for sarah to work in psych. like, she’s way too soft for that come on man. (y’all remember the huge car crash episode and at the end she tells ethan that it was nice to be back in the ed bc you can fix people’s bodies but not their minds? 1) she was adorable in that. 2) i am so scared for her. she just cares too much)

-okay but the above bullet is probably the exact reason why people ended up shipping ava and sarah. they both are characters who care way more than they let on. sarah is the only one in the hospital who would probably give ava a second chance after an icy first encounter. That being said, being realistic? ava is probably the only one who would she the bullshit that sarah has to go through everyday, so she would never have the icy first encounter. which in turn sets sarah’s empathy bells off or whatever.

-honestly? ava is a mean to people because she thinks they deserve it. that’s it. she’s not a bitch or anything like that (and yeah, ava stans do a little bit of overlooking her behavior bc hey if a careless med student bumps into her while passing by, thats on them). (and of course, in this world and in reesker minds, sarah has never done anything wrong, ever.)

-look guys, i did it. i boiled reesker down to its bare essentials! (lmao tho literally walking through it again from almost a totally fresh perspective, it is still so easy to see how they would have been great together.)

-also. uh. not to pile on the reesker but. ----- connor just got paged by latham. is-is it happening?

-refusing to go home and sleep because the person you care most about is lying in a hospital bed is such classic angst oh my god

-wtf? charles has meds i completely forgot? for his heart? when is he gonna get shot the suspense is killing me.

-ALSO. YOU ARE TELLING ME. THAT S3 SARAH HAD TO DEAL WITH PTSD AND A POSSIBLE PATIENT LAWSUIT. AT THE SAME TIME HER FATHER WAS BEING SUSPECTED OF MURDER, AT THE SAME TIME HE TRIED TO RECONNECT. it is a fucking crime that that is the season we have to rewatch. its a crime they abused her so much.

-waiting for charles to keel over and die like

-the worst thing is that like, he actually cares. he actually truly cares about sarah, he just did a lot of bad things. so sarah has to justify them all! and sarah had no idea how to feel because now she’s disillusioned again. please chill

-lmao stoll wow 

-oh. soft sweet boy noah. he really doesn’t know better, and that’s almost the worst thing.

-also. dr. shore. that’s really all i have to say about that.

-ohhhhh my god nat fucking chill

-what is it with couples on mad and not being allowed to be happy. (this could be about reesker if you, like, reallyyyy squint)

-aw! hey, look! it’s jay! he’s nice to look at too. ooh i also forgot how deep his voice was lol

-counting

- i honestly forgot what a good source of angst this show was. this guys parents are flying in from germany to go to his graduation and then he got hit by a car??? damn

- i still forget how much i like the cop/doctor brother duo. I love it.

-GUYSSS

-GUYSSS ITS HAPPENING

-the air literally left my lungs I am not ready.

-ITS FUCKING

-oh my god

-it is 3 am and I just screamed out loud holy shit

-I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT. IT DOESNT HAPPEN WITH HER IN CASUAL CLOTHES. THAT IS AT THE END. I FORGOT THEY INTERACT WITH HER IN SCRUBS

- I FORGOT I FUCKING FORGOT

--holy shit she is fucking stunning. she was just allowed to be like that? in her first introduction? while connor looks like complete shit? IMAGINE THE POWER SHE HAS HOLY SHIT. THIS IS THE GREATEST POWER MOVE IVE EVER SEEN.

-uh for those of you who are confused, ava bekker has entered the scene and holy. shit. is she fucking amazing. and she hasn’t even said a word yet. all she did was turn

-H E R P O W E R

-uhhuufhuahdoas back to the analysis - latham reiterated all of the points we just discussed in the premiere, only goes to show how this was planned, from the start.

- t h e p o w e r ava has to step on the scene and instantly fuck things up. I ASPIRE

-okay let me try again to move forward. (nope. i tried to go back to the tab and just. the expression on her face. guys. i cannot express the emotions. we will press on)

-deep breaths

-she’s so pretty oh my god

-I-uh- okay listen. it is really, really, really hard to analyze this because i have not watched an actual scene or actually heard her talk in her very very pretty accent in two years. I, uh, i need a minute.

-i honestly cannot recall a thing she just said. (i am literally in fucking love) (i’m gonna go back and rewatch the scene and see what I pick up)

-THE----the fucking way she puts her hand back in her pocket

-GOD IM FUCKING GAY

-as for analysis - god that cheeky little smile.

-she’s blunt. is what took me about 75 words to say. this is gonna be a nightmare. (if i torture myself and make myself watch s4 and s5 then I’ll be really sad) (at this point can you imagine what would’ve happened if i had watched her death? I’m remembering exactly how crushed I was)

-OH. YEAH. IN CASE YOU FORGOT? THAT GIRL? THE SNARKY ONE? ON SCREEN RIGHT NOW? SHE’S. FUCKING. DEAD. CANONICALLY SHES DEAD. HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

-like just that fact is sending me so hard. i am already so sad. I had like thirty seconds of elation. it’s not FUCKING FAIR

- i need another minute. AND SHE STILL HAS ANOTHER LINE.

-this doesn’t really pertain to the theory but the “loyal, that’s sweet” line has got to mean something. Like something to be said about how connor couldn’t commit to her in s4. (its just so fucking unfair that she’s dead but we really need to move on)

-this also means that ava isn’t entirely loyal? bc she’s looking down on connor for being loyal? I um really don’t have all the info to unpack All of that, but it should be noted.

-DID YOU CONNOR? DID YOU ENJOY WORKING TOGETHER???

-from ava stan perspective: @ connor you like made her life hell, which wasn’t your fault but still. uhh she’s the one that’s dead, you’re not, so obviously one of you enjoyed it a little more. let’s move on.

-i love her.

-haha oh man jack kelloggs back. FUCKING MERC HIS ASS (i don’t hate charles that much and this storyline gave me so much fucking anxiety throughout the ep)

-god jack kelloggs such an asshole

-OKAY BRUH ETHAN AND APRIL HAVE A THING THIS SEASON? jesus this show really moves

-there are a lot of things I could complain about.

-will: “Why’d she do that? Cut her hair. A woman makes a change like that, it’s a big deal.” S4 AVA WHAT DOES IT MEAN

-i can’t believe its the season finale and they have enough time for will to ask maggie why nat cut her hair. this show is the reason I have anxiety. charles is about to get shot and what are you doing

-oh. oh wow. noah and sarah bickering/noah flirting. it’s like, adorable. which i don’t think is really fair. just, sarah’s the best

-I- uh- can’t believe that was the first time I watched an ava scene in years? that was a really big step for me?? god wow.

-god remember how sarah just like, saved robin? yall remember that? REMEMBER WHEN SARAH COULD DO THINGS? there’s a reason i hated this show.

-okay but just like the fact that charles was - content with letting his daughter be holed up in a room for the foreseeable future? when sarah had a perfectly logical answer? who is he trying to undermine here? (and that is why i hate charles)

-sharon: “where’s the daniel who doesn’t give up? doesn’t your own daughter deserve that much?” kind of a reach but if charles really cares about sarah as much as he does, and sharon knows this, the double meaning here is almost impeccable.

-oh hey guys! ava’s back!

-okay this is like super nitpicky but at this point it feels like norma didn’t have the accent down packed and its a little exaggerated and awkward at times but, come on, still love her.

-Ava: “excuse me, you’re an emergency medicine resident, why are we even talking” AVA BEKKER REALLY TAKES NO SURVIVORS (the writers just really weren’t banking on the fans being that attracted to ava) (like i forgot how blunt she was and holy shit. wow. i kinda see where the haters were coming from. its amazing to see how we clawed her back tho [by we i mean the lesbians])

-analytical. That’s what ava is. It’s almost like that thing where people purposefully say something outlandish just to gauge people’s reaction. she doesn’t argue with connor, at least not now. she just looks between him and ethan, sees she’s outnumbered, and walks off. She doesn’t know how the place works yet. she’s testing the waters. - this could be why she slowly gets more and more confrontational as the series progresses. she sees that no matter what, everyone will be on connor’s side. she doesn’t fight a losing battle. but when you’re constantly losing, its frustration. (reminder, these things only hold true in s3. s4 doesn’t exist)

-I’m fucking?? where the hell did jeff go?

-also, oh, this is maggie’s storyline. the guy dies right but he wanted to propose to the girl? wait no that doesn’t seem right...

-yooo its the girl in the gorilla costume. certified iconic. also how the hell did they have enough time for all this crap in the finale. this show fucking moves.

-for like a split second i forgot that noah and april were siblings

-noah’s a sweetie

-oh hey look it’s ava

-knock knock. who’s there? oh boy, point one for ava stans, she’s right about the surgery (potential evidence showing how this is the first scene of connor not being shit/actually being out or equally matched)

-OKAY WOW SARAH GO OFF (she’’s just fantastic i mean look at her. she’s adorable)

-ava: “Why do all the residents in this hospital think they can offer their opinions?” DR BEKKER PLEASE (okay but like i said last ep i had the exact same question. go off ava)

-connor just took control of the case (first instance of ava outright saying ‘i disagree’) (and let me guess, he’s gonna be right in the end because he literally fucking always is)

-if you look at it from a different perspective, ava was necessary. they needed someone to put connor in his place. at least, she tried. (very disappointing that she also had to sleep with him but that’s not the current point) if they wanted to fix his problem of coming off as spoiled, ava gave him a force to fight against, to earn his stars. they could’ve done it better, and actually had him lose a few times. because what does constantly letting connor win do? it undermines ava, it also undermines his attending. his attending who he is constantly having to stick up for. dude. hero complex chill. ava never had a hero complex. which cannot be said for a lot of the people on the show (IF YOU EVEN TRY TO ARGUE THIS POINT IS WRONG I POINT YOU TO THE EPISODE WHERE AVA PUSHED THE CREDIT FOR THE SURGERY ONTO CONNOR WHEN A FAMILY MEMBER WAS HUGGING HER) they did it wrong. they tried to, idk, fix connor by giving him humility, but they kind of completely forgot the humility part. and the part where he learns things. HE EVEN HAS TO STAND UP FOR AVA TO HER OWN MENTOR. LITERALLY? DUDE? FUCKING. CHILL.

-okay but that’s what it is though. ava was always meant to be the villain. because she was always a counter for connor. and connor is the hero. (you may be thinking this goes against my theory because I’m fighting for ava rights, but my actual theory is that ava was never supposed to stay past s3. the only reason she stayed was because she became a fan favorite. she was supposed to take connor’s mayo clinic offer. and you know how it probably would have happened? Connor probably would have gave her the offer. letting him be the hero one last time. [of course, this isn’t what happened. we all know.])

-OKAY FUCK THIS RESIDENT? “good call, Dr. Rhodes” SHUT THE FUCK UP??? (resident speaking rights revoked)

-I have nothing for this but just want to point out how she looks around and says “yes” all contemplative. god if i could just think about what she was thinking

-jack bro stop

-okay. was there ever an active shooter in the hospital when ava was around. bc if there was. i legally need to know

-lmao stoll

-sarah... makes me smile.

-fun fact: we are at about the half way mark. I am so sorry.

-no no no nono. so, robin just got diagnosed and is getting prepped for surgery. Sarah. don’t give charles credit for solving it. stop.

-Hey! yall remember how the best characters on the show only got thirty seconds of onscreen time together? yeah! I’m still mad about it too!

-aww connor being worried. (i think im fine with connor as long as like, ava is no where near. this scene is just very pure)

-when is this guy gonna get shot already

-aww he loves her. i want to kill him. (why? playboy. gets feelings way too quick. stop him. keep him away from ava)

-HAHAHAH okay. robin just got put into surgery and latham and ava are performing it (is it a brain surgery? yes. are they ct surgeons? yes. don’t ask questions) BUT you can see this emotion on ava’s face. she feels sorry for him. it’s up for us to decide if its condescending or she just feels bad for or bc she is on a surgery he wanted, but for the sake of opinion, i’m inclined to say she just felt bad for him (cough empathy cough)

-literally everytime charles is on screen im like when is he gonna get shot

-this scene where both connor and charles admit they were wrong is very nice (hey actually look, connor does have humility! not in front of ava tho so hmm) (sexual tens- literally no, shut the fuck up)

-HAHA HOLY SHIT I FORGOT CONNORS MOM KILLED HERSELF?? HOLY SHIT? THIS FUCKING GUY LITERALLY CANT CATCH A BREAK (maybe take a hint bro? and go far far away? well he did. too little too late ig)

-connor: “i obviously couldn’t save my mom, but I sure as hell didn’t try to save robin” *through cupped hands* HEY! HEY CONNOR! D-DID YOU TRY? WITH AVA? DID YOU TRY? okay literally what is it with this guy and people dying. for such a good surgeon... oh yeah, irony.

-hi sarah! how nice of you to check in with connor and charles about robin!

-sarah: *looks between charles and connor, who have probably agreed on something for the first time since connor got with robin* “everything okay?” literally she’s so sweet my heart.

- sarah: *laughs in disbelief* SARAH STOP MY HEART IS ALREADY FULL

-this man needs to button the top button of his shirt, i do not like that i can see it

-I------ HOLY SHIT?

-WHY DID NO ONE FUCKING WARN ME THAT JOEY WAS STILL ON THE SHOW???

-FUCKING EXCUSE ME???

- the air left lungs on that one again, i was Not expecting that.

-HOLD THE FUCK ON. I JUST WENT OF HIS WIKI AND HE APPEARS IN S4??? FUCKING WHAT??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT HE FUCKING DID AND IF IT WAS IMPORTANT

-sarah reese is such a fucking dork she got her boyfriend a rubik’s cube as a gift?? a guy who is so nerdy that he definetly already has like five of them. hmm. things don’t add up. also he’s nerdy enough to give back a gift at the breakup. dude seriously. get some social cues. in like the bargin bin at goodwill. please.

-IF SARAH FUCKING CRIES I SWEAR TO GOD

-oh yeah she’s pregnant. that’s how the story ends.

-okay. natalie comes off as empathetic but like, in the most condescending way.

-like its fucking obvious she’s only ever caring about herself (ava bekker would never. sarah reese would never. get your head out of your ass) (ok wow that aggression came from nowhere lmao)

- i really wanna say something about - Connor: “We all know that love can hurt, but loneliness? that’ll kill you.” have fun with that fic writers. (insert obvious connection to loneliness killing ava? have we had enough? this doesn’t pertain to the theory)

-jesus will at this point stop hesitating at the ‘if we’re wrong, it could kill him’ stage. we all know you don’t care

-how funny would it be if the family just like, disowned that girl

-this will nat and co. love triangle is already so fucking exhausting

-JAY REALLY SAID WILL I AM TAKING NONE OF YOUR BS

-is he really about to break up with her. right now. i swear to fucking god

-this is so fucking stupid (what i would pay for ava to hand him his ass right here right now) (that’s a hc idea right there)

-FUCKING LEAVE ALREADY WILLIAM

-sarah and noah stay adorable

-aww stolllll, my heart

-lmao i forgot the girl who played robin was on once upon a time and i was like ‘ive seen her recently what was it’

-FINALLY HES GONNA FUCKING GET SHOT! HELL YES!

-charles looks high as balls

-the queen returns. she’s back

-IM GONNA FUCKING JUMP OFF A CLIFF

-okay. from the previous ep i mentioned ava’s line being something like ‘you’re quite the gossip magnet, your mother commited suicide, drove your girlfriend crazy, and you murdered your attending.” right?  we all remember that?

-well lads, do we remember connor’s response?

-connor: “...Well you’d better watch yourself, hadn’t you?”

-...

- I-

-hahahah this is not okay.

-AND GOD. JUST THE WAY AVA TAKES IT AND JUST SMILES, ACCEPTING THE CHALLENGE. holy shit. this fucking breaks my heart.

-i like almost can’t even appreciate the easy ending of noah’s grad party.

-oh yeah charles still hasn’t gotten shot.

-god sarah is still adorable. the way she finally relaxes FOR ONCE and lets herself have fun. fun fact: this may be the last time we see sarah just easily enjoying herself. also maybe the first.

- i am officially starting the save ava campaign, anyone who wants to join can. the goal is pretty simple. save ava. save our hearts.

-oh my god is he finally going to get shot?? like what dude come on

Okay. another episode down, the first full one, and what have we learned?

Well, this was Ava’s first episode and we learned how it seems she was doomed from the start. It makes no sense, even just her writing is disconnected from s2 to s3, like how do they do that? This ava lines up so well with s4 ava it’s almost uncanny. if you completely cut out s3 her character arc would make complete sense, in a frighteningly tidy way.

Like I said at the top, the fact that Ava was referenced in the episode description of the season finale is huge. It means she is a big character, ground shaking, almost. I really don’t know why they had to make this introduction at the end of s2 and not the beginning of s3, other than making it fit with the three month time jump that i’m pretty sure starts the season.

The way I see it, Ava had 4 main interactions/points. 1) She called connor loyal (and was blunt about Latham) 2) She remarks that residents shouldn’t have speaking rights (that one’s just funny) and disagrees with connor on the surgery, which they go with connor’s decision because of course they do. granted they switch to her plan midway through) 3) connor takes over her surgery after they disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved. Connor is right. and 4) we have the final ‘I like dangerous men’ interaction.

Let’s focus on the train of Ava vs. Connor disagreements. If we go by my previous statement which was Ava was designed as the villain to Connor’s hero, so the hero could win the favor of the public by defeating the villain, the trajectory of their interactions is not surprising in the slightest.

First, Connor wins the first point bc they initial go with his plan. Then, mid surgery, they have to switch to Ava’s plan, because she was right. This obviously pisses him off, that he was wrong and she was right.  His crown had been knocked askew. But then, he wrestles it back. They disagree on whether or not the patient can be saved, connor takes complete control, and he actually ends up saving him.

It’s interesting that the final disagreement came at the sake of a patient’s life. Ava was quick to dismiss the heart as gone, but Connor fought for it, being the hero. It’s easy to shut Ava down right then and there, call her heartless and call it a day.

if s4 had come immedietely (i have no clue how to spell that) after, it would be completely in character for ava to be a psychopath from what little we’ve seen. And honestly, no one would care. The villain would get her due justice.

Let’s switch gears to the conspiracy theory, or the redemption arc. whichever sounds cooler.

A hero is only as good as their villain. That’s really my argument. At this point, yeah, s4 seems like it was planned, just based on s2.

Okay, so, what? Is that another layer of the theory that I’m adding? that the connor/ava plot of s4 was ACTUALLY supposed to be in s3? I... no. we’ve established that is is very rare for the med writers to plan storylines that far ahead. so what am I saying?

I think that the s4 plot was actually a scrapped plot potentially to be used in s3. and when they were left floundering at the end of s3 for an answer? they retreated. sacrificing character development in the process.

So what the hell happened in s3? A horrible fluke? why was it so different?

in s3 ava became more of a rival and less of a villain. while those words can have very similar meanings, the bulk of it is that neither of them really wanted to be that mean each other, they never went out of their way to stomp on the other (at least that I’m aware of). they just were always forced to work together, naturally leading to friction.

This shift meant all the difference. Connor no longer had to beat Ava. it wasn’t required. as a result, ava was very very slowly allowed to interact with people other than connor. she was allowed to slightly develop.

Why the shift? well, the conspiracy theory suggests it’s because they wanted someone who could follow up connor if he left at the end. IF they were true rivals, each of them should be able to hold their own without each other.

okay yeah, i managed to get like 4k words out of like 5 minutes a screen time and 8 lines. jesus christ.still didnt do my hw tho

next we watch the premiere of s3 and see what happens. thanks for reading

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read the next parts:

Part 1 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Extra