#one day they might heal and be close again .. BUT NOT TODAY CAUSE I WANT ANGST

[clockwayswrites]

City Pigeons Bleed Green - Part 13

Cass looked up as Jason came out of Danny’s room. He looked better.

After Danny had been stabilized, Cass had taken Jason away from the safe house and to Jason’s place with the gym in the basement. She knew what it was like to have that need to act— to hurt to ruin to end— burning under her skin. She gave Jason the fight that he needed, letting him punch and kick until they were both covered in bruises and he was shaking apart in her arms.

Today he looked better.

“N is going to stay with Danny,” Jason said with a little nod backwards.

Dick, Jason, Tim, and herself had all been taking turns staying with their new brother. He was sleeping a lot right then; he was waking with nightmares a lot too. Waking up with one of them touching him seemed to help him calm the quickest so they took turns staying close.

“Red?” Cass asked with a little tilt of her head.

Jason glanced at the clock on the oven as he opened the fridge. He wasn’t really hungry, but eating out of habit. “He’ll be over here in two hours, I he doesn’t get distracted.”

“Be nice. Red cares. He’ll be here,” she said.

Jason seemed to settle on something and popped the top off before throwing it in the microwave. “Yeah… yeah. Danny’s pretty much wormed his way into all of our hearts, hasn’t he?”

“Yes. Will for rest too.”

Jason snorted. “As if he already hasn’t with B. They didn’t need to meet for that. You know how the old man is, a real bleeding heart of stone.”

Cass rolled her eyes and ordered again, “Be nice.”

Jason frowned at her but she just smiled serenely back until he rolled his eyes. It was a win enough for her.

The heated food was set on a trivet between them and Jason stuck two forks in it.

“I’m thinking we get O in here in a few days,” he said around his own large bite of lasagna. “Danny is healing better this time, but we don’t know what sort of set back this will cause mentally and all. Having another set of hands would be good.”

“O will like him.”

“Course she will,” Jason said with almost a scoff.

“No O and Red,” Cass added thoughtfully after she had chewed her own bite. This was definitely Jason lasagna and not Alfred lasagna.

“Yeah… I don’t think I’m going to trust those three in a room together for a long time,” Jason said with a dawning sort of horror. “Danny took apart the remote here and now it has buttons for services I didn’t even know existed. I swear it will change shows on its own too if no one is paying attention to it. It’s useful, I guess, but a little creepy.”

“Ghost brother,” Cass said with a little shrug.

Jason’s eyes narrowed before he let out an exhausted sounding sigh. “I hate that you might be right. Our controller could be haunted now.”

“Alas poor Yorick?”

“Wrong character,” Jason said, pointing with his fork, “but that is a play with a ghost in it so good job.”

Cass smiled happily at the praise. “Once Red is here, you and me errands?”

“You just want to buy Danny another present,” Jason said, jabbing his fork in her direction.

“Yes,” she said with zero shame.

Jason rolled his eyes. “Fine, but we have to do groceries too.”

-

Babs had been warned that Danny was still very skittish, but he hadn’t actually expected him to freeze like a scared rabbit when she came into the apartment. She stopped rolling forward and moved her hands to where he could see them both clearly.

“Hi Danny,” she said with her kindest librarian voice that she had. “I’m Oracle. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Danny shook his head, the motion ran through him like a shudder and whatever had frozen him shook off him like water off a dog. His smile was still shaky though, so Babs didn’t think that whatever the reaction had been was completely done.

“Hi, Oracle.” His voice was soft, rough, a little broken.

She’d heard from a number of the bats about the latest development and the trauma that went with it, but it as still something to see someone that looked like a young Bruce covered in bandages and looking more than worse for the wear.

“Are you alright if I come in? If you aren’t, that’s alright. I’ll just talk with Nightwing in the hall for a little.”

“No, you can come in,” Danny said, sitting up a little straighter. His eyes flicked over her again. “It’s just… your hair reminded me of someone is all. No one… no one bad.”

Babs offered him a smile and came the rest of the way into the apartment. “If that changes, just let me know.”

“It’s fine, really,” Danny said, though the words were still a little bit of a whisper.

“Well then,” Dick said, interrupting the end of the oddly tense moment, “Babs, do you want any hot chocolate?”

“Thank you, but without the mountain of whip cream I know you liked to put on it,” she said, giving Dick a playful glare.

He shrugged unrepentantly. “Danny?”

“Yes please,” he said. He was fussing with the blanket he had been sitting under, folding it up just so.

Babs moved towards the kitchen to give him a little bit of space and the illusion of some privacy.

‘What was that about?’ Babs asked Dick silently through raised eye brows, a slightly twisted frown, and a subtle nod towards the living room.

‘Not a damn clue,’ is what Dick’s shrug said back.

It almost made Babs sigh.

Danny was still a complete mystery to her. While they were being good and had avoided taking blood or fingerprints from Danny, Barbara had at least been trying to find Danny’s path through the city. She’d been saying for days now that the boy was like a ghost.

She just didn’t expect that to be as literal as it was.

The nickname had lost any of its fun.

“Danny, whipped cream for you?” Dick asked.

Danny’s eyes darted from Dick to Babs.

“Oh, feel free to have it like N,” Babs said with a smile. “I just don’t have the sweet tooth that he does.”

“She never has, it’s tragic,” Dick said with a sigh as he started to warm a pot of milk. “So, whipped cream.”

“Um, yes,” Danny said.

“I will take sprinkles though,” Babs said. “Do you have the little—”

“Bats?” Dick scoffed. “Of course I have the little bats. You can’t have proper hot chocolate without the little bat sprinkles.”

“Of course not,” words serious but unable to help the little smile that she sported.

“You all really like the theme, don’t you?” Danny asked, though he was smiling too now.

“The boy in the hoddie with the Bat logo on it does not get to talk,” Dick said and tossed a large marshmallow at Danny with pin point accuracy.

Danny caught it effortlessly and started to pull it apart with a little shrug. “Hood got if for me as a present.”

“Of course he did,” Tim said as he finally emerged from wherever he had been tucked away. He handed the tablet he was carrying over to Danny before he sat down in the neighboring armchair. “He’s just trying to claim you first, as if him and I didn’t find you together.”

“Hot chocolate, Red?” Dick asked while Danny was busy looking bewildered at that.

“Sure, but add some coffee to it?” Tim asked.

“No,” Dick replied far too cheerfully. “But seriously Dandelion, a Bat logo from a Bat means something.”

Danny’s face scrunched up at that and he looked down at himself. “I don’t think… he was trying to claim me?”

Babs snorted. “Oh, trust us, he was absolutely claiming you. He probably felt that he had to do something material to even start to compete with B.B., as if he wasn’t cooking for you all the time.”

Danny stared back at her with wide blue eyes. The open surprise and desperate want was odd to see on someone that looked so much like Bruce. Damian certainly never let himself appear that way.

“And Red is already souping up your tablet, I’m assuming— though if you really want an improvement let me see it,” she continued, talking over Tim’s little snort, “and N is making you the special hot chocolate. Even Signal is thinking what he can get you and Spoiler is whining that she hasn’t met you yet.”

“She is getting so annoying,” Tim whined while Danny stuffed the shredded marshmallow in his mouth, likely to get out of saying anything. He looked more than a little teary eyed. Tim gave him the out by continuing, “We’ll have her over one morning when she’ll be tired and easily distracted by waffles. You’re not up for the full Spoiler experience yet.”

“Trust Red on that,” Dick interjected as he stirred the coco, “he dated her.”

“I don’t know what either of us were thinking,” Tim said with a sigh. “We are both way too high maintenance in different ways for it to have worked.”

“You were still waiting for you bi awakening, baby bird, you were missing out on half the options,” Dick said. He dropped one of the oversized marshmallows in each of the four mugs before pouring the scalding hot chocolate over it.

Babs left him to his sorcery and wheeled over to the couch before working her way onto it. Danny helpfully moved the blanket out of the way and then offered it back after. She draped it carefully over her legs.

“So what did Red do to your tablet?”

“I actually didn’t do anything,” Tim said, and then had to pause. “Well, not after I gave it to Danny at least. I was just making sure everything was still good. Danny’s been tinkering with it.”

Danny gave a little shrug and picked at the edge of his hoodie.

“Do you like engineering then? Or inventing?” Babs asked, trying to encourage Danny to open up a little.

“Yeah, my— I—, I mean…” Danny stumbled over his words. He lost some of his color with each false start until he was worryingly grey. He swallowed thickly. “Yeah, I used to at least.”

“Danny, hot chocolate,” Dick said with impeccable timing as always.

Danny whispered a thanks and took the almost overflowing mug. He could basically hide behind the mound of whipped cream and he definitely tried to. Babs took the offered mug with a much more modest dollop but an absurd amount of bat sprinkles. Her lips twitched up in a smile as she took a sip.

Tim’s portion was somewhere in between Bab’s and Danny and of course Dick’s was practically laughable. It’s a wonder he didn’t make an absolute mess of himself drinking it as they argued over a movie to watch. It was clever of the Bats, really, they had started to narrow down how long Danny had been a test subject by what movies he had seen or not.

It was somewhere between seventeen and twenty-three months.

Nearly two years.

They were all lucky that Danny had made it out at all. They all knew the statistics of something like that.

Hot chocolate turned into dinner turned into Danny cuddling Dick on the couch and eventually resting against Bab’s legs. A good sign about her acceptance, according to the birds.

“Oracle?”

Babs had thought that Danny was asleep. She reached out to run the tips of her fingers through his hair. The lights from the movie that was still playing glinted off her pink nails. “Yes, Danny?”

“If I asked… would you be able to find someone for me?”

She tilted her head. “The person that I remind you of?”

“Yes. Just… just so that I know she’s okay.”

“Is she in danger?”

“No, she’s not like me. She’s…” Danny cut himself off, swallowing back the words.

“But you’d still like to know.”

“Yes.”

Babs hummed. It was technically an abuse of her powers, but they were something she abused all the time. “Yes, if you ask me to, I can find out if she’s okay.”

“Okay. I’ll… maybe I’ll ask. Thank you.”

“Of course, Danny.”

---

AN: I struggled with this chapter at first, but it was because I was jumping right to Barbara meeting Danny and not giving the others some more time to deal with the change in Danny. They still haven't really dealt with it, right now they're focused on healing and getting more help through Babs being around.

All our poor Bat's. So attached already and so traumatized.

But not as traumatized as Danny...

Stay delightful, darlings!

[brain4stew]

Let’s see, this’ll prob be the last post of mine for today, before I go and sleep.

(I probably won’t be able to sleep, and just end up playing Forsaken, and just, silently cursing at survivors that don’t pick up my pizzas 😭)

But anyway, as always, headcanons/something under the cut! ;

• Eunoia never likes it whenever her workers are the killers, she even reprimanded them for being so… Hostile, towards both her, and her survivor teammates.

• She knows they don’t really WANT to kill anyone… Except for Mafioso… She understands why he kills everyone, and anyone, due to their debts…

• Anyway. When Eunoia saw and heard that YOU, her bodyguard was the killer this round, she was reasonably unhappy. She stuck around with others, or, those that can at least stun you for a bit… She isn’t taking any chances on becoming dead.

(Friendly killer version);

• What she didn’t expect however, is that you, are friendly. You even stuck close to her, only attacking her survivor teammates when they tried something funny towards her.

• You might have put Two Time into their second life, as they kept on bugging both you and Eunoia… But let’s be real here… Two Time is annoying in general with their second life…

• You stood by Eunoia when she was doing generators, and even led her to a medkit! How sweet of you!

• Of course, you mmmiiiiggghhhttt have killed Chance and Shedletsky… But it was because they stunned you far too many times! Eunoia scolded you for it, of course. But you, only cared about her survival the most.

• At the end of the round, everyone was transported to their separate lobbies. You in the killer lobby, and immediately talking to Mafioso, presumably about Eunoia. And Eunoia in the survivor lobby, healing, and tending to the killed and hurt survivors from the round.

• Eunoia will most likely scold you if she sees you again, but, it’s worth it, as long as you see her alive, you’re more than happy to be scolded.

(Brutal killer version);

• …Eunoia should have expected you to be brutal to her survivor teammates…

• You went for Chance first, due to his weakness, then you went for Shedletsky, due to his sword and fried chicken, then Guest 1337, which, caused you some trouble, but, you managed to kill him. And the others.

• Eunoia tried, and I mean she really did try, to heal her survivor teammates, but, sometimes they kept ignoring her cakes and candies… PLEASE JUST PICK THEM UP TO LIVE…!

• Unfortunately, Eunoia was the last one left. It’s understandable that she’s downright TERRIFIED of you now, as you’ve killed EVERYONE of her survivor teammates.

• You eventually found her huddled up against a corner, terrified. And you? Being her bodyguard, you lowered your stance to a non-threatening one, before you knelt down in front of her.

• You both stares at each other for a while, before she just… Hugs you. She’s terrified, and you understand why. You’re careful with your clawed hand, and wrap it around her back carefully.

• Eunoia’s shaking, holding back her tears. But, after a while, the time ends. You both transporting back to your lobbies.

• Eunoia, still terrified and scared from the round, but pushes her fear aside, as she goes to attend her survivor teammates wounds.

• And you? You and Mafioso mmmiiigggghhhttt have gotten into an argument… But, you managed to twist his mind after a while, into thinking you were “just protecting Eunoia.” You sly thing…

• You’re definitely going to get scolded, reprimanded, screamed at, and even being told to leave Eunoia alone after what you’ve done. Just give her a day or three, and she’ll most likely be back to her usual self!

• She can’t be mad at her own bodyguard for that long, right? She doesn’t want to risk her self, by not having her trustworthy bodyguard around… Surely…

[cozycottagetarot]

Quick Pick: Messages From Your Person

Hello, my loves! It's been way too long, but I'm finally back (hopefully for a long time) with a new reading as well as a bit of a rebrand. Today's reading is focused on messages from your person (kind of in the realm of a future spouse but generally a long-term partner) but I think for some of you it may come across as a current partner as well.

This is a pretty experimental reading for me. I want to start including an 'energy check' of sorts to help you better figure out if a pile is for you or not. I've done 'channelled' messages before but I felt weird about them so I've decided to give it a try again. The message aspect of this reading is just a free-flow writing of the cards that were pulled. And of course, I decided to play around a little bit more with my graphics. I'm always open to feedback, so I'd love to gather your thoughts on the set-up and reading itself.

Elle 🌿

P.S. I'm trying to re-do my masterlist but can't locate all my old pacs easily. If you come across one, I wouldn't mind if you send me the link. 🙏

Support My Work | MASTERLIST

Disclaimer: When reading tarot, my aim is to focus on self-reflection and seeking guidance. The readings you'll find here are designed to add a pinch of fun and entertainment to your day. While I might sprinkle in some advice that hopefully vibes with you, please remember that these insights aren't a substitute for any professional advice you might need-- after all, you know your journey best! For any love-related or future-focused readings, consider them captivating musings exploring possibilities. Divination inspired stories even. I can't predict the future but I do hope to add some enjoyment and insights into your everyday. Lastly my darlings, please take from these readings what resonates with you most, be it some, all or none, and leave the rest. 🌟

PILE 1

Note: Pile 1 your pile gave me absolute hell the first time around 😭. I was writing/channelling the message and the energy literally just gave way at one point, I was flabbergasted 🫨. Anyway, the second pull was much clearer, but I included notes I felt were important from the first pull in the post-reading notes section.

Your Energy:

Going through an awakening. A need or call for self-reflection. A new cycle is beginning. You must face what you are running from within, but you must also be patient. Rely on your inner strength. Needing to learn more about yourself before doing/trying something different. Potentially finding yourself in part of a mentorship. Connecting with people similar to yourself. Navigating regrets. Needing to let go of the old you. Needing to ground yourself.  A strong energy of needing to look within yourself. It is time to prepare yourself for your next journey.

The Message:

Can you let the past go? We’ve been through so much, the both of us, on our own and together. Why do you hold on to it when our future is waiting for us? I know I hurt you and I apologize. You didn’t deserve any of the pain I caused you. I don’t blame you [it felt like there was a specific reason but I couldn’t get the specifics] but I feel lost without you. I could tell you why, I want to, but words mean nothing without action. You know my story. My relationship with my mother, how that shaped me. You know I love the attention of it all, having everyone’s eyes on me. Makes me feel good.. makes me feel. But no one else’s attention mattered like yours did. I felt most close to myself with you. Please, please let go of that version of me you’re holding onto in your head. I’m taking space because I need to heal. I need to heal my relationship with me first before I can heal it with us. This isn’t goodbye; just so long for now. I’m taking time to put that me in the past too and find myself and what I want from this life. I mean it’s simple really, I want you, us. I want to give you the good life you deserve, but I need to fix myself first. Give me the self-love I deserve.

Post-Reading Notes:

There’s a mature, sad regretful energy. Someone on a journey of self-exploration. Two hurting souls who met at the wrong time. One of you may be further along in your healing journey or you’ve both healed parts of yourself and your relationship that the other one hasn’t healed yet.

First Pull Notes:

One of the first things that came to mind for me is a dark night of the soul… I haven’t heard that term in so long and I’ve completely forgotten what it means, but for someone in this pile, I feel like that may resonate a lot. Going through a tough time. Blow after blow. Your higher self or inner wisdom is trying to reach you. Introspection before a new beginning. An ending of something you don’t want to let go of?

Big things are happening in your life, and significant changes are taking place even though it might not seem that way right now. Lots of air energy. Gaining mental clarity is super important for you right now. Breakup vibes? You two are like opposite sides or motivations of the same energy. Holding on when you know you should let go. This is definitely your person (one of the cards literally says ‘You’re my person’).

PILE 2

Your Energy:

For some of you are at the end of suffering but lying to yourself about the truth of the outcome, while for others you’re running from the mistakes made along the way. Maybe it's both. You’re still grieving all that is lost, be gentle with yourself. Hard work and consistency may await you but keep at it. Adventure is closer than you think. You’re on the brink of success. Moving forward hurts, but you must. Your person (or something you've been romanticising) is waiting for you. You just have to be brave enough to step through the gate. Opportunities are coming your way. If you're interested in floral hobbies or embroidery go for it.

The Message:

I hear you. I haven’t given up on you. I hear the songs you play for me, I hear the songs of your heart. You’re my love, my soulmate. We were meant to be, you and me. You’re not crazy or insane, or any other term you demean yourself with. You’re my everything. I can feel your soul even though we’re apart. If I close my eyes hard enough, I can feel you there. I can see your sparkling soul mirroring mine... sad eyes, bright smile, you leave me in awe. I know you call to me, and I’m sorry I’m not there. Don’t hate me for it, please. I’m leaving behind all that has been holding me back… the same as you. I’m sorry it’s so lonely. I want to meet. What do you say? Impromptu trip to the tropics? Somewhere cold? I just want to escape the world with you and lie in your arms. You’re my home. I sit in your energy and let it guide me your way. But I do need time. Please be patient with me. I haven’t abandoned you. I’m finding me, for you. I dream about you so often and being the kind of person you’d inspire me to be.

Post-Reading Notes:

"I need you to run to me, run to me, lover." (Run by Hozier, the chorus specifically. I know the song is supposed to be a metaphor but I'm suggesting it at face value). A very healing energy to your person's messages. Your person could also fantasise about you a lot... in a non-x-rated 18+ kind of way. It was mentioned on one of the cards but that part of the card felt awkward in the rest of the cards. They’re possessive, it doesn't seem like in a negative or extreme way but again, that's not something that was strong or clear. There’s something to do with the attention of others. They just want to be yours completely… Honestly, a submissive yet dominant kind of energy. A protector and/or provider (take that as you will) who is absolutely smitten with you and will do anything you say.

I don't typically read for it, but one of the cards had twin flame written on it. It could also be symbolic of mirroring each other in your personal journeys in life.

PILE 3

Your Energy:

Powerful yet solitary energy. A new chapter of your life. Accomplishing a big goal. Moving to a new location. Creating a good foundation for yourself in preparation for what comes next. Balancing your energies. Sleep issues. Struggling with anxiety or managing thoughts after a traumatic event. Celebration. Having security. Authoritarian role or vibes.

The Message:

Okay, I can do this: I can’t get you off of my mind. I’m constantly thinking of you, viewing your content, trying to set myself up to run into you. I know it’s silly, especially since you hurt me. Who pines after the person that hurt them? Well, it wasn't meant to be mean. You’re just so mysterious I can’t ever read you and it or you make me nervous. I’m always worrying about what to say. I want to talk to you but opening up to others is hard. I’m afraid I’ll start crying or you’ll hear my voice crack. You’re my person. I’m sure of it. You’re everything I’ve hoped for in a person, everything I dream about before I go to sleep at night. You’re doing so well for yourself, but I want to spoil you and be there for you. Not always materially. I know you can cover that for yourself. But being there for you and spending time with you… I heard you were seeing someone. I hope it’s not true and even if it is, I hope it doesn't last. No, I’m not sorry. I’m going to work up the courage to reach out to you soon.

Post-Reading Notes:

Oh Pile 3, you’re so intimidating to your person. Secret admirer vibes. I definitely think you’ve got a very serious or professional energy and an intimidating appearance. That may especially be true if you’re taller than average for your demographic/s. The energies here feel very balanced or neutral (not heavily feminine or masculine) on both your end and theirs.

PILE 4

Your Energy:

Such a beautiful light-hearted energy. There’s such a beautiful and hopeful energy in this relationship here but it’s also possible someone or something is working against you right now. A very important decision is being made. Someone could be trying to take something from you, but keep going. You’ve got this incredible power/energy to you. Vows are super important, be it making them with someone else or making a vow to yourself to gain or achieve something. Collaboration. Having everything you need to succeed. There could be challengers coming your way but you're strong enough to overcome them.

The Message:

I’m sorry. I don’t know, that was immature of me. I swear it wasn’t like you thought but don’t worry I’m going to do better. Honest. You know, I dream about us being together and growing old. I dream about our kids. They’re so stinking cute. We’ve still got growing to do, ok, or I’ve still got growing to do. Please talk to me. You know I hate it when you give me the silent treatment. I know I disappeared on you and that wasn’t cool. I just get so… I care about you a lot. I don’t want to see you hurt. I want the best for you. I know I act all big and bad but I’m a softie at heart. That fight was weird. I don’t like it. It wasn’t like us. It meant nothing I know. Would you pack up and run away with me if I asked? I hate the distance between us right now. Im always listening to our playlist. I know I acted like I'm uninterested in something serious but I am. I want you. I miss you. I want to spoil you and give you everything you deserve. Just give me a chance. Please hear me out.

Post-Reading Notes:

The vibes while doing the reading felt like very young vibes? There’s a youthfulness there. Someone who either is actually young in age or hasn’t grown up emotionally in a certain aspect. It felt like they did something prideful that was hurtful to you and you two are in a disconnect during the moment captured in the reading. It didn’t feel like a serious fight. More so when you’re upset with someone and acting like you’re madder than you really are (your vibes) and the other person is sweating and begging you to talk to them again (their vibes).

Also, idk why but Peter Parker kept coming into my head 🕸️. I’m not feeling to analyse it so take it as you will.

[dashofmonsters]

Dreamers & Delusions- Pt. 9

merman x female reader

Tao:

"Who is it? Who did you chose?"

Those words ring in my head over and over again. I had no intention of bringing this up so soon. Hadn't wanted to talk about this just yet with her. But that tired desperate look in her eyes...

I feel my chest tightening as her fingers shake and her lips quiver.

Jes had stopped by the beach before I came home yesterday and had a long talk with me. She reconfirmed that my dear little shoal mate does have feelings for me but she's afraid. Afraid of getting hurt because I may reject her and chose a fated mate that may or may not exist. And then her grandmother came by and made it worse.

I omitted much when I told her what she said since I still had a hard time digesting it myself.

"You two are so different, how do expect to live a life together? She might want to go off and travel one day? What then? What would you do? You can't go with her, not unless it's close to a body of saltwater. You're ruining her, giving her hope when there's none."

A part of me didn't want to believe her, didn't want to there to be any truth to it, but deep down I knew it hurt because there is some truth to it.

"Who...?" She repeats, her voice lower than before.

"I-I can't," I stutter.

"Please Tao, who is it?" She asks again, feigning being composed.

I bite my tongue, bitter blood coating my mouth as it mixes with a taste of a lie I've yet to speak. I swallow both down though, tired of lying, tired of hiding. I don't know if telling her will free her or further trap her in a hell of emotions that I've unintentionally dragged her into, but I need to say it. Just not here, not now.

I exhale and cup her cheeks in my hands, "I'll tell you, just not here, not now. You're tired and still healing and I'm... I'm honestly not doing very well myself."

Her lips purse and she lowers her gaze as I open up with what I've been dealing with. I hadn't wanted to burden her with it but it's not fair to either of us if she's the only one willing to talk.

For the first time since I met her I just talk, taking every filter off. Every complaint I held in, every frustration, annoyance, or sorrow. Everything that has brought me joy or has humored me in some way.

I start pacing in my tank, the end of my tail brushing against the walls as circle maddeningly as I vent. I stop when I catch a glimpse of her out of the corner of my eye holding onto one of the larger rocks for dear life.

I've accidentally and very much idiotically have created a vortex. I wait out the the push and pull I've cause and swim to her once it's died down.

"Are you alright? I-I didn't me to-"

"Fine, I'm fine Tao. Well not really, but I guess we both aren't huh?" she cracks a half smile that fades quickly.

"No, we are not," I agree.

"So what now?" she shrugs her shoulders and flattens her lips.

"We both need to rest. I have the next few days off so during this time we'll get you moved in. But for today, I think it's best if we give each other a little space and try not think about anything but our health. If you can do that for me, for yourself, then and only then will I answer your question. Ok?" I tell her.

She nods and I can see her eyes tearing up as she swims up to me and wraps her arms around my neck. She mutters a string of apologies but suddenly stops and I hear her choke.

My spell has worn off.

I take hold of her and swim her up to the surface and toss open the hatch. She coughing and her breathing is ragged as she crawls up and flops on the floor. For a few brief moments I think she might start crying again but to my surprise she bursts out laughing.

She talks about the last several days and how things have just stacked up and she really hasn't given herself time to actually heal or feel comfortable. I grit my teeth knowing I've contributed to it, knowing how she feels and expressing my feelings for her without being clear.

Jes chastised me, saying I shouldn't play with someone's feelings but I was either too stubborn or too stupid to understand what she meant. The kindness, affection and care I've displayed in hopes of her being more comfortable with the idea of staying here, staying with me... It's only caused her stress, confusion and pain.

"Can we just get me moved in today Tao? I don't think I can wait anymore. I just... I'm done. I'm done being at everyone's mercy, I'm done humoring people who don't deserve it and I'm done with being stressed and tired all the damn time," She groans and turn over to look at me.

She pouts her lip and I see a mix of pleading and playfulness in her eyes. I want to laugh because all she had to do was ask.

I roll my eyes and pull myself up till I'm sitting at the edge of the hatch, "On one condition, get five more hours of sleep and in the nest room. I don't want to ever see you sleeping on my couch again."

"Or what, you'll get rid of it?" she jokes.

"No, it's a perfectly good couch. I'd sell it," I smile.

She laughs thinking that I'm playing along with her joke, but it's not. I'll fucking sell that couch if I ever see her sleep on it again. Then buy an actual bed to replace it. If she needs space, I can only do my best to grant it to her. I just hope she'll confine in me more instead of bottling everything up.

"I guess I should try and sleep then. What about you?" she asks.

"I had a good four hours, if I sleep anymore I might be useless," I admit.

She gapes and then I see her brows furrow, "But that time at my grandma's house?"

"I sleep longer with others," I nod. "By myself, three hours is more than enough. I usually just jostle awake from the instinctually feeling of drowning. But with others, there's a natural feeling of support. So when we shared a bed, my body felt relaxed enough to sleep longer."

"That actually makes a lot of sense. So what will you be doing?" She asks again.

"I'll call and get a moving van scheduled and buy some boxes and tape. We'll figure out where to put your things once they're here. I also need to send word to my sponsor that I'll have a roommate for the foreseeable future," I tell her.

A hand flies up to her mouth and her eyes widen, "You didn't say anything to them yet? Tao!"

"It'll be fine, he's not a real stickler for the rules and beside, every time he visits he asks about my romantic life," I sneer as I think about my last meeting. He had asked about her number in my phone over and over until I relented and just said she was a friend. It was the first time calling her that to someone else and it tasted horrible. He saw the disgust on my face and grinned as he caught my lie.

"Sounds annoying," she shrugs.

"He is," I agree and reach for the nearby bench, flipping the seat up and grabbing a towel. "Now if you don't mind, I'm about to be naked and would like a little bit of privacy."

The taste of that lie makes me want to vomit.

"Naww, I'm kind of comfortable here," she jokes and smirks at me.

My tail flinches and I glare at her. She keeps smiling at me like this is a joke so I'll play along. I gather my magic and command some of the water to move out of the tank and into the palm of my hand.

Now she's glaring at me, "You do realize that I'm already wet?"

"I do," I grin as I place the tip of my nail into the watery mass. "but you're not covered in ink."

"You wouldn't," she seethes.

The ball of water turns a vibrant almost neon blue. I roll it from one hand to the other as I give her one last chance, "One."

She doesn't move.

"Two," I start to aim the water ball at her.

She scoots back just a little.

"Th-"

She dashes towards the couch and grabs a pillow and launches it at me.

I manage to dodge it but lose track of her somehow. For a moment I think she's retreated and toss the water ball back into the tank, the ink will fade on its own so I don't mind. I move to get up but stop when something soft hits my head and rolls next to me.

"Really?" I yell.

But she doesn't reply, instead another pillow is thrown at me from another angle. I pull the rest of my tail out of the tank and quickly wrap the towel around my waist as I feel my lower body split into legs. I'm about to stand up when another pillow smacks my chest.

I grab the yellow polka dot pillow and tuck it under my arm while I secure the towel around my waist with a bit of magic. Then I wait.

I tune in on the quiet steps she's taking and I swear I hear the faintest bit of laughter as she pauses. I turn as if I think I hear her at a different direction and the moment I do I she attempts to launch another pillow at me but I catch it in time and toss one at her. Which seems to have been a grave mistake.

The pillow smacks her dead in the face and she lets out a sharp cry. I feel my heart drop at the thought of hurting her and quickly run to her side. Her hands are covering her face and she's shaking. I apologize over and over but I don't think she hears me. I kneel down and take her hands in mine and pull them away and-

She surges forward and kisses me on the cheek and laughs.

For a moment I'm too stunned to say or do anything until she tries to pull away from me. I quickly retaliate and scoop her up and haul her over my shoulder. She laughs and pokes at me asking to put her down but I won't, not yet.

I take her to the bathroom and flick my finger at the faucet making the ice cold water fill the tub. I wait a moment before carefully dropping her in. She hisses and shrieks but she's still smiling.

"Tao you bastard!" She yells at me. "It's fucking freezing in here."

I smile at her as I yank a large towel off a hook and offer it to her. She quickly stomps out of the tub and starts peeling her clothes off. I quickly close my eyes when an interesting thought occurs to me... I hold the towel up and wait.

"Really dude?" She sighs.

"I'm sorry, I can't see you," I grin.

I hear her jump and groan before she pinches my side which makes me wince.

"Dude I'm.. I'm fucking freezing. Just give me the towel," She huffs. I can hear the shiver in her voice this time and I relent.

She snatches the towel right away and quickly wraps herself up.

"You can look now, everything's covered up Tao," she says.

I open my eyes and look down. Her skin is covered in small bumps and she's shaking.

"You should get to the nest room and warm up. I'm going to shower real quick and I'll make breakfast for us afterwards," I nod.

She looks down and sighs, "Sounds good but uh... I mean I kinda wanted to shower too. Salt water isn't that good for my hair."

I think about letting her go first but it will take thirty minutes for the hot water to reset. I could use my magic to make the shower water I use warm but any spells involving heat will deplete my day's magic since I'm cold blooded. And I don't like going without an ample amount of magic anywhere.

"Tao?" she asks. "You ok?"

"Just uh..."

"It's the hot water situation huh?" she makes a face and crinkles her nose.

I nod and cross my arms, "The only other option I can think of is highly inappropriate..."

She snickers, "What? Us showering together? Dude if that's the only way we can stand back to back or take turns doing a quick five minute shower each. Whatever you're comfortable with."

I groan because I hadn't thought about just taking a short shower since I usually stay in until the water runs cold. Back to back still seems too much but at the same time... I shake my head and chase out those impure thoughts of mine, now's not the time for that.

"We can try back to back only because... because I want to check your injuries. You said they felt fine but I've noticed you've been itching your back a lot lately," I sputter out.

She purses her lips and turns around, lowering the towel to her waist. I try and look away but quickly notice a large angry bruise and scrapes near her hips and a large scab in the middle of her back. But nothing could have prepared me for the scar of the back of her neck.

How have I never noticed that?

"Oh gods," I whisper.

"Is it bad?" she responds, concern lacing her voice.

It takes me a moment to come back to myself and quickly respond about to scrapes and bruises.

"I guess it would probably be a good idea if you could get my back... I mean only if you're ok with that," she says.

"Yes...-" I blurt and quickly clear my throat. "I mean it might be a little uncomfortable but I uh-" I pause feeling the sickening taste of the lie I'm about to tell. "I would rather be uncomfortable for a little bit than you acquire some sort of infection."

She nods her head and so do I and we sort of just stand there for an awkward moment until she lets her towel drop and scurries to the shower.

"I'm uh going to get the shower started," she says before turning the faucets and pulling the shower tab.

I'm too stunned to move, too stunned to say anything, too stunned at seeing her perfect body.

Goddesses of the winds and seas give me strength.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

Shit.

You curse yourself for making such a stupid, impulsive and asinine suggestion. You know you could have waited in the nest room, ate breakfast and then take a shower but no, you just had to open your mouth.

Now you're about to shower with a six foot something life guard merman who you just realized you're in love with.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Shaking your head you feel the water getting warmer to the touch and quickly step in and then turn to face the wall.

"Ok, Tao... Your turn," you say.

You hear him shift and what you can only assume is his towel dropping. You suck in a deep breath as you feel your cheeks getting hot.

Tao carefully steps into the shower, his arm gently brushing against yours which causes the both of you to jump and look at each other.

His eyes widen before they quickly look away and he offers a quick apology.

You turn around and nearly bump your ass against him but manage to dodge any skin to skin in the last couple of seconds. The warm water is helping the shivers and goosebumps you had earlier but it's doing nothing for the full body blush you're feeling right now.

Taking another deep breath you run your hands through your hair and ask Tao for the shampoo he had bought you recently. But instead of handing the bottle to you he asks if he can wash your hair.

"Is uh this another cultural thing?" you ask, your nerves practically on fire.

"Yes and no. It's something you can say no to but it would be very nostalgic for me," Tao admits, his voice a little calmer.

"How so?" you ask.

"In my old shoal mates would help each other with their hair, either cleaning and brushing it out or styling it with beads, jewels, and strung pearls. My step father would spend hours lovingly braiding beads and jewels into my mothers hair even though she wasn't a fan of those intricate styles. But she knew he loved spending that time with her and she eventually fell in love with him," Tao sighs and your chest tightens.

You place a hand over your heart feeling a strange pain their that's not entirely yours. Normally you'd give into his requests but after what happened earlier, after he dodged your questions so nicely, you're not sure if you can give into him or should anymore. Especially anything to do with mates.

"I-I um... can you give me the shampoo Tao?" you ask again.

There's some slight hesitation but eventually he hands you the bottle. You hear him grab for his soaps while you sudds up your hair and the pain in your chest grows till it's almost unbearable. You feel yourself slipping and quickly catch yourself on the shower bar.

"Are you ok?" Tao quickly turns to you and the ache in your chest lightens but your cheeks feel much much hotter all of a sudden.

"Yeah uh...just a little dizzy I guess," you keep your eyes respectfully on the bar but that doesn't last too long. You feel yourself being carefully lifted and places right back on your feet. One of Tao's large clawed hands snakes around your throat and tilts your head back.

"Let me rinse your hair out and wash your back, then you can get out. I don't want to risk you falling over and injuring yourself further," Tao says as he pulls the shower head down and starts rinsing out your hair.

You stay stock still as he carefully untangles your hair, his claws able to work out each knot with ease. Once he's down with your hair he places the shower head back and slowly removes his hand from your throat.

"Good girl," he whispers to you and your face feels like it's about to combust. "Stay still if you can while I get your back."

Knowing Tao, he's got to be oblivious to what he just said and how it affected you because damn. You squirm a little bit, your nerves making you twitch a bit but Tao's firm hands gently still you just a bit above your hips.

"Be good and stay still," he repeats as he kneels down behind you. You feel the lightest touch of a washcloth as he slowly and carefully scrubs your back. When he barely touches the middle where that annoying itch has been you can't help but to tighten up and shake a bit which makes it hard for you to stay still.

"Sorry I uh... Oh uh Tao, what are you doing?" you ask as his comes to rest against your stomach.

"Holding up right. If it hurts and it's making you writhe you could possibly slip and-"

"Injure myself again, gotchya," I roll my eyes at the continuous ridiculousness of this situation. Tao is obviously being a lot more mature about this than I am.

He's slow and methodical with how he's cleaning my back, taking great care at the bruised spots but somehow he keeps going back up towards my neck... Did I get cut there too or...

Oh god, he saw it... He must have saw it... There's no way he wouldn't have, especially with how close he was.

I feel my heart beating a mile a minute and everything feels light and heavy all at once. I want to turn around and tell Tao to stop, yell at him for touching my neck and giving it any sort of attention at all. But it's not his fault, it's mine and I have no one to blame but myself...

"You're shaking... are you ok?" Tao asks but you don't say anything.

For a few moments you just stand there, wet, sad and holding yourself because you know if you let go you might fall apart.

"I..." you start but it takes you a few too many breathes to continue and when you try and talk again you feel the words sticking in the back of your throat.

Tao moves quick and picks you up in his arms and takes you out of the shower before grabbing a towel and covering you up. Your mind goes blank then, everything is a blur and before you know it you're asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you finally wake up you find yourself wrapped up in the nest room and the sun is going down. You try and sit up but your body aches and you feel things pop and pull. So you settle for a quick stretch and sigh.

You ended up sleeping all day. You probably needed it being emotionally exhausted but this was too much. You try again to sit up when the door opens.

"Looks like sleeping beauty's finally awake. How you feeling?" Jes asks as she comes in to sit beside you.

You gawk at her for a moment and she laughs.

"I came by to check on you and drop off some pie, Blake baked too much and they weren't selling as well as the cheesecake," she shrugs.

"But you're still here," you raise a brow at her.

"Tall dark and stupid was having a panic attack when I got here so I knew right then and there that I couldn't leave you two alone. I got him to calm down after a bit of talking and a couple cups of strong coffee. He's worried about you and so am I. He told me everything by the way, left nothing out," Jes pinches her brow and shakes her head.

"I couldn't take it anymore, it's starting to really fuck with me. I can't just pretend that I don't like him anymore. It's only going to get worse if I do and I don't know... maybe it'll be easier for me to move on once he rejects me, once he fully fucking breaks my heart it'll be easier to fall out of love with him...right?" you start crying and Jes pulls you into her arms.

"Hush you, you know that big idiot wouldn't hurt you like that," she pats your back and squeezes you.

"Not intentionally but he will...," you mutter as the tears continue to flow.

Jes continues holding you and listening to your woes as you cry. Time eventually passes and you're emotionally drained again and as limp as a wet noodle. She carefully lays you back down as she leaves to go get you some hot tea and soup that Tao made while in panic mode.

You curl up in a ball then, too tired to sit up again and too sad to think. But you do anyways.

Thoughts of Tao introducing his chosen mate to you enter your brain uninvited. There's a vile disgusting taste in your mouth that has you gaging as you imagine who he's chose. You can't stop your thoughts nor your gut and slip and trip towards the bathroom in a mad dash to empty the contents of your stomach.

Since you haven't eaten anything in hours it's mostly acrid bile which makes you feel even sicker. Jes finds you shortly after you've puked your soul out and helps you clean up. She carefully escorts you back to the nest room and wraps you up in a comfy blanket and hands you some water.

"You look clammy as fuck sugar pop, I think all this stress is making you sick. You should probably get checked soon." Jes presses a warm hand against your forehead then cheek.

"I would if I could but I don't have insurance," you grimace then take a swig of water. It's cold and kind of stings your throat but overall it's a lot more pleasant than the burning acid.

"At least let Merjerk Mcgee take care of you then. I can come by and bring some medicine and shit before my shift tomorrow. Your stuff should be moved in by then too. I have Arty and my brother Kirk helping him with the moving van," She says as she picks up the tray with the soup and tea.

Your eyes widen and you stutter for a few moments too long, "Jes... please tell me that the three of them are not going to my grandmother's by themselves."

Jes looks down before her eyes widen as she realizes the mistake that's about to be made.

"We should go," she whispers. "Right now."

[thevoicefromanotherworld]

"SO WHAT'S GOING TO BE, PRINCESS?"

I WROTE ANOTHER FIC WITH BUCKY

I hope you like it! 🖤😌☝

(I need him and his metal arm so bad guys, im not even kidding, please tell me I'm not the only one that feels that way)

You arrived early to your office, like every morning, at eight.

You made yourself a cup of coffee while flipping through your appointment schedule for that day.

The first one was at nine-thirty, so you prepared everything you needed for when the time came and sat down in your seat to wait.

He walked in five minutes early.

It was the first time you'd seen him in person—you'd seen him on television before, after what happened with the Shield helicopters—but you were determined to prove that the person standing in front of you at that moment wasn't the same person who had caused all of this and almost killed Captain America.

"James?" you asked, flashing a friendly smile, ushering him in. "Please sit down."

The dark-haired man looked at you for a moment before doing what you asked. He sat down and scanned the walls, taking in the soft gray wallpaper and the charcoal portrait paintings before looking at you again.

"Why did you decide to come to therapy?" you began with a routine question, to break the ice.

The soldier's green eyes rested intensely on yours.

"I haven't decided anything," he replied. "A friend suggested I come."

"We're talking about Sam Wilson, right?"

"Yes," he said, somewhat uncomfortably. "What do you want me to talk to you about?"

"Whatever you want," you answered honestly. "You have an hour and a half, so you have plenty of time."

"What if I don't want to talk about it?"

"Could you be a little more specific?" "You asked. He shifted in his seat, visibly uncomfortable. "The first step to healing is facing what scares us, James."

"I already did it," he murmured. "Facing my fears," he pointed out. "That almost killed me." He clicked his tongue before continuing. "When Steve asked me to help him take down Hydra, I didn't hesitate," he said. "He was my best friend. I would have done anything he asked." He pressed his lips into a thin line. "I didn't mind dying if it meant finishing them off once and for all, but…" He paused for a moment, thinking about what he was going to say next. "I… was scared."

"What were you afraid of?"

"We knew that if we got too close to the enemy, they would most likely respond to that offense with all their might," he said. "I was afraid that response would end up affecting any of us, especially Steve."

"You're not to blame for the decisions he made," you intervened gently. "He decided to sacrifice himself, yes. The fact that you couldn't stop him isn't your fault," you repeated. "You can't keep carrying that weight on your shoulders, James. It's a burden you shouldn't bear."

"So who should bear it?" he questioned. "Can't it be left somewhere in the subconscious or something?"

You laughed lightly at his words, as you responded:

"I understand what you mean, and all I can say is that I wish it were that easy," you murmured. "There are things that, no matter how much they weigh on us, will always stay with us, no matter what."

"So you're saying I can't let go of that burden," Bucky murmured thoughtfully. "Isn't your job to tell me that I can?"

"My job is to help you quiet the voices in your head, not lie to you," you replied, making him look at you intently.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he blurted out. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Of course, about whatever you want," you replied, giving him free rein.

"You look beautiful today," he commented, flashing a lopsided smile. "I mean, you always do, but today is… wow," he laughed. "Did you do anything different with your hair?"

"James," you stopped him, even though you wanted him to continue flattering you, "I told you last week, and I'm telling you again today: I must maintain professionalism. You're my patient, and I'm your therapist, nothing more."

"I've never met a therapist who looks at their patients the way you look at me," he explained, making you blush slightly.

"I'm the first therapist you've ever seen, Bucky," you reminded him.

He shook his head.

"I know, but we're not talking about that now," he whispered. "What I mean is, you can't say that kind of thing and then look at me with that face."

"What face?" you inquired.

"Like you're dying for me to kiss you," he blurted out, making your blush become more visible. "Tell me, doll, do you want me to do it?" "He murmured, resting his elbows on his knees"

"Bucky… we can't…" you began, but he shook his head indifferently.

"No one has to know, baby," he whispered. "It's just you and me here, nothing else," he murmured, raising his eyebrows. "So what's it going to be, princess?"

"Bucky… I…" you stammered before saying fuck it all and nodding your head. "Yes."

"Yes, what?" he pressed, flashing an amused smile as you blushed again.

"I want you to kiss me," you confessed, his smile widening.

"That's what I wanted to hear," he said before patting your knee with his metallic hand. "Come here, doll."

You obeyed faster than you were willing to admit.

You sat down next to him, and without wasting any time, he took your chin between his fingers, both delicately and possessively, to rest his lips on yours.

His trimmed beard tickled you, making you giggle softly against his mouth.

He kissed you gently, paying special attention to your facial expressions and your body posture, leaning slightly toward him.

He pulled away from you for a moment, resting his gaze on you.

Your rapid breathing and messy hair were a sight that threatened to drive him crazy.

"Honey," he called, "you don't just want me to kiss you, do you?" "Don't try to lie to me," he asked. "I can see in your eyes that there's something you're not telling me," he whispered. "Tell me, doll, and I swear I'll do it, whatever it is."

You swallowed hard, not believing what you were about to say out loud for the first time.

"Your metal arm…" You stopped, trying to think of how you were going to continue with that sentence.

"What about it?" Bucky asked, trying not to smile wider, already getting an idea of ​​where you were going with this.

"I need it… in my… in…" You stammered.

You didn't need to continue talking, since he understood you perfectly.

He wrapped his metallic hand around your throat without applying pressure, simply to let you feel his touch, and the cold of the material against your hot skin.

A breathy moan escaped your lips, making him curse.

"Is this what you wanted?" "He murmured, kissing you again. "Kiss you while I hold you with my vibranium arm?" he asked. "Answer the question, doll."

"Yes…" you gasped. "Bucky, please… kiss me."

He did, and when you were both a mess of gasps and moans, Bucky thought he'd done the right thing to follow Sam's advice.

He would definitely go back to therapy.

[writingpandagoth]

Title: Sharp Tongues, Soft Hearts (Severus Snape x Female!Reader)

Summary: You were chaos wrapped in lip gloss. He was the quiet boy in the corner until you pulled him into your glittery world of mayhem. Years after Hogwarts, fate reunites you and Severus Snape at the castle—but time hasn’t dulled the tension between you. Not even close. Now both professors, old memories clash with new emotions in a story full of sharp banter, aching glances, unsent letters, and the slow unraveling of everything you never said.

Part 2: Hexes and Potions

You’re running late to Potions, boots echoing down the corridor as you curse the staircases for conspiring against you. Slughorn is already pairing people off when you burst in, windswept and unapologetic.

“Ah, Miss (Y/L/N),” he says, “you’ll be with Mr. Snape today.”

You freeze for half a second.

Your eyes flick to the station by the far cauldron. Severus is already looking at you.

You flash him a slow, deliberate grin and strut over.

“Room for one chaos gremlin?” you ask, sliding your bag down beside his.

“You’re late,” he says flatly.

“And you’re observant,” you shoot back.

His lips twitch. The faintest hint of a smirk. You count it as a win. 

You work well together.

He’s precise, methodical, deadly efficient. You’re instinctual, chaotic, somehow always right even when you don’t measure. The cauldron sings under your combined hands.

“I didn’t think you’d be so good at this,” he mutters as you stir clockwise three times, counterclockwise once.

“Because I wear glitter and cause mayhem?”

„Yes and you don’t seems as if you care about anything other creating chaos.”

You glance up. “I also created a non-lethal stun elixir in third year for fun. Just because I wear lip gloss doesn’t mean I’m not dangerous.”

He looks at you like he doesn’t quite believe it—but also like he wants to.

While most other pairs fumbled with their instructions or argued over who mismeasured the dittany, you and Severus were already on step four, your cauldron simmering a perfect amethyst.

“You’re good at this,” you said under your breath, watching the way his hands moved — steady, assured. “Really good.”

He shrugged. “It makes sense.”

“What does?”

He glanced at you. “Potions. They follow rules. Logic. Patterns. People... don’t.”

You looked at him for a moment, then smiled softly. “Still. You’ve got a talent.”

“You’re good at this too.”

You let out a laugh. “Careful. That almost sounded like a compliment.”

He was quiet for a beat. Then: “It was.”

Something warm stirred in your chest.

Professor Slughorn meandered over, beaming. “Ah, wonderful work, you two! I daresay this might be the best brew of the day. Well done!”

You and Severus exchanged a quick glance, pride flickering between you.

As Slughorn waddled away, you leaned a little closer and whispered, “Not bad, partner.”

Severus didn’t answer right away. But then, quietly: “We were a good team.”

You blinked, surprised — not by the words, but by how gently he’d said them.

Something in his tone made you glance at him differently. Not as the boy you’d defended in a corridor.

But as someone who — perhaps — had begun to see you as something more than chaos and clever comebacks.

The moment hung between you like steam above the cauldron. Warm. Brief. 

Unspoken.

From that day on you both always worked together in Potions.

Later that week, you find him in the library. Hidden in a corner, a healing book open beside him, his lip freshly split.

“Them again?” you say, sliding into the seat across from him.

He doesn’t answer. Just lowers his head.

You reach into your pocket, pulling out a small tin. “Let me?”

He stiffens.

“I’ve seen worse. Leona once walked in with a broken wrist and tried to flirt with the mirror.”

That earns you a quiet huff of breath. Not quite a laugh.

You reach over gently, fingers tipping his chin. Your thumb brushes over the cut with salve. His skin is cold. He doesn’t move.

“There,” you say softly. “Better.”

He doesn’t look away. Doesn’t thank you either.

But when your pinky brushes his knuckles as you lean back, he doesn’t pull away.

[sage-green-matcha]

WHAT WAS I MADE FOR? - ETHAN LANDRY ✨

“Cause I, I don't know how to feel. But I wanna try. I don't know how to feel, but someday I might” - Billie Eilish

Content includes: Reader with depression, Ethan Fluff! Ethan helping you heal! Angst ig?

A/n: I’m so excited for the Barbie movie! I rlly wanted to write something with Billies song, just because she means so much to me! My first fanfic ever was a Billie one, it was horrible! Anyways, to anyone who feels stuck or in a slump just know you’ll be okay. There’s people who love and appreciate you even if you don’t feel it. I’ll always be here if any of you guys wanna talk! My request box is always open! ILY guys sm 💛

<3

<3

<3

You felt horrible. You had fallen into a deep hole that you couldn't get out of. You didn't even attempt to try. You missed many classes, your friends becoming concerned for you. You didn’t know what to do with life anymore. It had all collapsed down on you, you just couldn’t take it anymore.

You didn’t know your purpose in life. You were mentally stuck and you didn’t know what to do. You couldn’t communicate your feelings because you didn’t understand them anymore.

You were happy, and you knew you could be happy again. You wanted to go back in time, fix everything and anything that went wrong. Just so you could save yourself from feeling this way.

Ethan Landry was the only one who could get you out of your slump. He knew exactly what to say, even if it didn’t always come out perfectly. “It’s okay…to feel like that. I mean you don’t always have to be perfect, Y/n. We love you for you” his shirt would soak up your tears, keeping you company as you cried. You felt safe with him. He didn’t judge or ignore you. He actually listened and gave his opinion on things. He was helping you heal and you didn’t know how. It was just Ethan being his usual self that helped you.

“Wanna go out on a drive?” Ethan stood at your room door with keys in hand, a baggy of your favorite snacks in the other. “Yea” your smile was brittle but it was still for him, and it made him melt every time you showed it.

“How’d you feel today?” You played with the strings of your hoodie, head laid back on the car seat. “Okay, I think? Sam and Tara were fighting all day, which made me annoyed. And then I was sad I think, or frustrated because they literally wouldn’t shut up” he was amazed at how trusting you were with him. You vocalized your feelings way better than before.

“I think I forgot how to be happy” a small frown was on your face, heavy bags under your eyes from lack of sleep. Ethan looked at you with concern, closing his laptop so all attention would be on you. “You can talk to me about whatever, okay…? I understand how you feel. I’ve been there before Y/n. It’s not easy to get out of but you can do it. I know you can” his words made you melt, providing comfort and warmth with each one.

You told him everything about yourself, he collected all the information and stored it in his heart. “Why were they fighting? I’m assuming Tara’s therapy?” “Mhm, she’s been acting different” you mumbled, your arm holding up your head as you looked out the window. The air blew through your hair, the warm New York air bringing you comfort.

“Can I take you somewhere?” You could tell he was nervous when he asked you. “Depends on where you’re taking me” “You’ll see” Next thing you knew he had you climbing up some sort of small mountain, taking a look at your surroundings once you got to the top. “The Hollywood sign? Real original, Landry” he smiled as you teased him, sitting down on the dead grass below.

“I like it up here. You can see everything” Your head rested on his shoulder, Ethan placing his jacket around you. He was blushing as you looked up at him, a thankful expression on your face. “How long have you been coming here for?” “Maybe a year now, since we started talking” Your curiosity got the best of you, having to ask why.

“I needed to like…I guess remember you. How pretty you are and…uh, stuff” You held back a giggle, watching as he stumbled over his words. “Cause you know! The view from here is so pretty…it’s pretty. Like you” he cleared his throat, thankful that the lights were off. If they were on you would’ve been able to see his red face, embarrassed at what he has just told you.

You found it so cute, pushing yourself closer to him, his arm gently wrapping around your waist. “Thanks, Eth, for everything. You’ve helped me so much…I” you held back on your words. You knew it was weird, to confess your love to him. Especially now, you had found someone who understood every part of you and you didn’t wanna risk getting that taken away.

“You…you what?” He gulped and you shook your head, trying to avoid the question. “Oh come on Y/n, you have to tell me now” “I can’t, it’s weird” he knew nothing you could say was weird. Even if it was a little, he would still validate you with his opinion.

“Just tell me” You shook your head, hiding your smile in his chest. “Okay, how about this? I’ll tell you something first?” “Okay, but it’s probably not as weird as my thing” he scoffed, his nose taking in the soft scent of your shampoo.

The silence killed you, even if it wasn’t an uncomfortable one. Your heart pounded harder with each second that went by, hoping it was the same thing you wanted to say. “I love you, Y/n. I know I do” his eyes were closed tightly, looking at him in amusement.

"You do?" "Yea, I'm sorry" A scoff fell from your lips, pulling him by his collar down to yours. He followed your rhythm, lips latching on perfectly to each other. He tasted so sweet, and gentle. like his personality.

"I love you too" he scanned your face with a smile, grabbing your jaw gently before taking you in for another kiss. "How do you feel now?" you bit back your lip, holding a smile. "I'm happy Eth, you make me happy"

“Think I forgot, how to be happy. Something I’m not, but something I can be. Something I wait for, what was I made for?” - Billie Eilish <33

[i-am-xp-64]

A lil short series because I'm bored and why not bringing back Albert and Jett drama 🙏😈

The vision

Mission: none

Villain?: .- .-.. -... . .-. -

Teller way: from the oc's perspective

The oc: Albert (lol)

------------------------------------------

Today was a hard day, me and the guards had to put Alex in a lock up when he attempted to attack Jett, luckily i were on a night shift and hear talking at the room

I remember tomorrow, I fell asleep in my office, I think an hour passed as I slept

When I woke up, immediately go look at the clock, there were none on my office as I thought many the patients took it to play or something, when I came out of the office, I saw no one, I thought the patients were also on a noon sleep, but it was too silent, even the workers were gone

I didn't think much not gonna lie, I thought maybe the workers took a little break since the patients might asleep since it was tired, I never felt this chills before, I walked around to find at least someone, I walked around as I make it to the main room I saw someone from the distance, I came close a little before I froze to who I saw

It was Jett, but he looked..familiar

I stare in shock, I don't know what to say, I thought maybe he found his old clothes and decide to wear it again, but before I even ask, he spoke

"You got away huh?"

I was confuse, I didn't even said anything, I just stare at him like that

"You got away, you got away from the things you did"

"The things that was worse than mine"

"The things that caused me to become like THIS."

I just stare as I heard some kind of cracking noise, but I was too confuse and shock to look what was it

"𝐈-𝐢..𝐁𝐮𝐭-"

I try to speak, bit my throat was tied, jett cut me off before I even try again as he got closer to me

"But what?"

I hear even more crack noises

"You changed and get better"

"But people still look at me like the monster I am"

"The monster you could've heal"

"But you didn't.."

I hear the crack noises get more and more louder as Jett spoke, I feel my mouth being tied still, I see his tears slowly leaking down his eyes

"I never wanted this.."

"But you made it happen"

"Now.."

Another cracking noise happen as he spoke

"I'm a monster to everyone."

The cracks get louder as jett raised his voice

"Because.."

Cracking

"Of"

Cracking

"YOU!!"

SHATTERS

With the shattering sounds, the whole room went black, with only me and him, I couldn't hold on to my tears as I just watched Jett crying silently, suddenly I start to got away from Jett, none of us were actually moving but somehow we were getting away from each other, I try walking before I saw string looking red lines growing behind Jett and slowly wrapping around him, I try running

"𝐇𝐞𝐲! 𝐖𝐚𝐢𝐭!! 𝐍𝐨!!!"

I screamed as I ran to him, but I couldn't even got closer to him, the strings cover all over him as then pulled him away, I were all alone, I hear a voice, it slowly got louder as it multiplied again and again, the voices were loud as I think of jett's words, he was right, no murder and maluplate can be worser than what I created, I need to take care of my patients, but back in there, I were only a fear for them, especially for Jett as I see from him, I created him into this by not doing the one thing I had to do when he was sent to me, heal him

The voices got louder, I barely can hear my breaths at this point, I start hearing my name, Albert, the guy who messed up at the start, but never got what should happen to him for these actions, I regret everything I done, to everyone I done to, the mistake I done was unforgettable and yet also unforgivable, the voices got loudly, they were screaming my name, I cannot hold it anymore as I scream out, I were opened my eyes, at my office again, screaming

I were all sweaty and tearing up as I stare at the empty, I hear APA's sound, he was panicked as he try talk to me, I breath deeply

"𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐝𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦.."

"𝐍𝐨.."

I was lost in my thoughts as I try understand if this was real

"𝐍𝐨..𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬"

"𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐡."

I sat back down to my seat, I pant slowly as I lean my head to the desk in exhaustion, I was not even hearing APA at all, I was not too out of head like I used to anymore but I was still lost in my thoughts, I took a deep breath to calm down a little so at least APA would stop panicking, maybe I'll do a chat with Jett later, at least that's the least I can do about this.

-------------------------------------------

That's all :3

Back to my telling lol

I got this series idea from the chat I did with victin at tiktok , don't ask how we got there, we were first talking about a meme video and the janitor character she gonna do-

Albert and Jett from: @weirdsillycreature

APA from: @ella-the-fella

The first person I told this series to before making it: @victiniiiii

The rest of the chat I want to tag before yes: @astrodrawz @anna-cute-049 @lovelyoliviasblog @alexfreakkkk

Lol the end, hope you like it :>

[mirikitakato]

[Translation] 2024 Shylock Birthday SSR Card: Even The Sound Is Captivating

Happy Birthday, Shylock! I was going out the whole day and just have enough time to translate this for him at night so that I could release it on Oct 14.

The Birthday trait is crazy though.

Card Story: With the Orgel's Melody - Respite to Shylock

One day, as Shylock's birthday approaches, I’m searching for him while holding a small box borrowed from Rustica, called "Orgel of Respite".

Akira: (A magical tool that connects to a mysterious space that can heal wizards... I want to celebrate Shylock's birthday with this.)

Murr: Sage! What’cha looking for?

Akira: …..Wah! Murr! Right, actually...

Murr: I see! Since you're holding that box, you must be looking for Shylock. I'll take you there!

[Scene changes to Shylock’s room]

Murr: I've brought the Sage!

Shylock: Oh mine...Welcome, both of you. Please knock, Murr. You never know what I might look like behind this door.

Although he says that, Shylock looks as elegant and refined as always. He smiles gently at me.

Shylock: Good afternoon, Sage. Welcome to my room.

Akira: Good afternoon, Shylock. I'm sorry to drop by suddenly.

Shylock: Not at all. I'm delighted that you came to see me.

Murr: Shylock~ Make that cocktail for me again! The one with the crescent moon-shaped lemon floating in pale blue liquor!

Murr flops onto the couch and says so. Holding a chess piece, he is spending his time as freely as if it’s his own room.

Shylock: Really now... Look at you, I can't believe you were just scolded.

Akira: Did something happen?

Shylock: He crossed paths with Oz this morning and upset him.

Akira: I-is everything alright? (Last time they met was a huge problem!!)

Shylock: Fortunately, I happened to pass by.

Murr: He said, "I'll scold him," and helped me!

Akira: That's good then...

Shylock: Well, I did scold him, but...I don't think he was listening. Hehe, he's quite a handful to train.

Akira: (As expected of Shylock. Instead of being discouraged, he's excited.) (He really finds joy in any situation, I can feel his open-mindedness…)

Shylock: By the way, is there something you want from me?

Akira: Ah, yes. It's about Shylock's birthday.

Murr: They said they’d take you to Orgel!

Shylock: Ah. A magical tool that Rustica received from a fan, right? I've heard from everyone that they received a wonderful respite from the Sage.

Akira: I'd like to invite Shylock too, is that alright?

Shylock: It’s my pleasure. I'm looking forward to a peaceful time with you.

Episode 2

A Few Days Later

As I pass by Shylock's bar...

Akira: (Huh? It's unusually quiet today. Usually, I always hear someone talking...)

Peeking inside, I see Shylock sitting on a sofa, elegantly tilting a wine glass.

Shylock: Oh, Sage. Welcome.

Akira: Good evening, Shylock. Did you already close the bar tonight?

Shylock: No. Last night, there were quite a few people causing a bit of a ruckus, so I banned them from entering for today. So, tonight is probably just you, Sage. Please, come in.

Shylock takes my hand and guides me to a seat at the counter. Then, he goes behind the counter.

Akira: I'm sorry if I disturbed you.

Shylock: I was just thinking up a new non-alcoholic cocktail, so don't worry about it.

Akira: Wow, a new menu item for the bar?

Shylock: I want to increase the menu options for those who don't drink alcohol. Would you like to try it?

Akira: Yes, of course!

Shylock hands me a cocktail that looks like an aurora. As I swirl the glass, it shifts from red to yellow, green to blue, then purple.

Akira: Amazing... It's so sparkly and beautiful... I’ll take a sip.

The moment I put it in my mouth, a refreshing citrus flavor spreads. It has a refreshing taste like a cool breeze, and I can’t help but smile joyfully.

Akira: It's so delicious!

Shylock: Hehe...I can feel your joy from your face, more than what words can express. If you were to name this cocktail, what do you think would suit it?

Akira: A name?

Shylock: Yes. If you don’t mind, I'd like the first person to try it, the Sage, to name it.

Akira: Eh, me? It's a very wonderful cocktail, but I might not be able to think of a good name…

Shylock: You can name it however you like. But if it's too much trouble, I won't force you.

His voice is so gentle, and his narrowed eyes seem to sweetly say, "Do as you please."

Akira: ……………………Okay. Then, could I have a little bit of time?

Shylock: As much as you like. The waiting time is also a joyful one.

Akira: (Shylock always gently supports my heart...) (Even when I'm feeling uncertain or insecure, my mind can be at ease thanks to him...) (I think I've decided on my wish for him at Orgel.)

Imagining that moment, I look forward to Shylock's birthday even more.

Episode 3

A few days later, on the day of Shylock's birthday...

Akira: Wow, you look great! That cool outfit suits you so well, Shylock.

Shylock: Thank you. Chloe worked really hard on it. It makes my good points shine even brighter, doesn't it?

Akira: Yes! Definitely!

Placing a small box on the table, I close my eyes. To guide Shylock to a magical space, I recall his charms...Then whisper in my heart like a prayer.

Akira: (With his open-mindedness that allows him to enjoy any situation, and his ability to be there for others, may Shylock find perfect peace...)

The lid of the small box opens with a sound. A doll resembling Shylock begins to dance around. Music can be heard from somewhere, and the surroundings are filled with soft light. When I come to my senses, a healing space has spread out, filled with elegant music like a butterfly flapping its wings, both graceful and soothing.

Shylock: It's a beautiful melody. Gentle, refined, and soothing to the heart.

Akira: It's a perfect song for Shylock. I can clearly see that this’s indeed your Orgel.

Shylock: Oh, hearing that makes me happy. Thank you.

Without hesitation, I guide Shylock to a place that has an elegant sofa.

Akira: Today, I want Shylock to relax completely. I'd be happy if you could relax.

As I say that, I neatly arrange the items from the basket I have carried on the table.

Shylock: This is...

Akira: Normally, alcohol would be best, but I think you may have your own preference in that regard... So I prepared some snacks instead.

Shylock: Hehe... You're so kind. You know my tastes well. Let's have a toast with a special fine wine that suits this occasion. Of course, I'll have the alcohol removed from yours.

Raising our glasses, we slowly enjoy our time here. His long fingers, which have the tips neatly manicured, pick up the snacks I prepared.

Shylock: It's delicious. The bitter cheese is to my taste.

Akira: I'm glad! Murr and Chloe told me that you've recently enjoyed eating cheese with nuts. Same with the other snacks. Everyone helped me think of things that Shylock would enjoy.

Shylock: Is that so? The Western wizards like to observe people. Seriously...they’ve truly been watching over me.

Looking carefully at the table, Shylock smiles with a look of happiness on his face. That smile reminds me of the one he has when he’s in the Magic Manor.

Akira: Um, Shylock. About the name of the cocktail you made the other day...

Shylock: You come up with something?

Akira: Yes. "Days at the Magic Manor"...How does that sound?

Shylock: "Days at the Magic Manor"...

Akira: One of my favorite daily routines in the Magic Manor is visiting Shylock's bar. I really enjoy seeing Shylock smiling while surrounded by other Sage’s wizards... I think the name would be very suitable for a cocktail that has the refreshing and clean feeling I get when talking to you.

Feeling a little embarrassed, I tell him everything, and Shylock returns a very soft smile.

Shylock: That's a wonderful name. I'll add "Days at the Magic Manor" to the menu right away.

Shylock snaps his fingers. Appearing with the light is the cocktail that had just been named.

Shylock: I want people who can't drink alcohol to feel free to come to the bar too. I have to tell everyone that there's a non-alcoholic cocktail that was named by the Sage.

Mischievously, he says so, and his wine-colored eyes curve into a smile. It’s the elegant, gentle, and loving smile I love.

Akira: Once again...Happy birthday, Shylock.

----oOo----

Card Episode: Enjoy this thoughtful and stylish gesture

Akira: Oh, Shylock. Are you having lunch now?

Shylock: Yes. I woke up a bit later than usual today, so I'm having a late lunch. Thank you very much for yesterday, Sage. I had a wonderful day.

Akira: It’s my line, the birthday party we had last night was really fun too.

Shylock: Yes. Rustica played the harpsichord for a birthday celebration, and Chloe even prepared party clothes for everyone...

Akira: I was surprised when Murr used magic on the barware and glasses to make them participate in the party.

Shylock: Hehe. It felt like I was being celebrated by the children I was looking after. A very thoughtful and stylish gesture. However, since I usually handle the barware carefully, I was a little worried that the glasses might get scratched every time they danced.

Note: the “children” mentioned here are the barware, not the Western wizards haha.

Akira: Ahaha. Murr's magic was so full of energy. In the end, we all had fun dancing like at a ball.

Shylock: Yes. I didn't want the fun to end. And as I was thinking that I didn't want the fun time to end, the sky began to lighten... I got into bed after the sun had already risen.

Akira: Oh, so that's why you woke up later than usual...?

Shylock: Hehe, that's right. You're the only one I've told that I had so much fun. It’s our little secret, Sage.

--- Home-screen voice line ---

"Time is vague for a wizard who has lived a long time. Ten years, a hundred years—they melt away in an instant. The days of my birth passed as fleetingly as a moment, but none of them can be dismissed. It is because of those days that I am who I am now, and that I can meet you like this."

--- Birthday Trait ---

Overnight: “To become the [me] that I could love” — he raises his lowered eyes, realizing something beyond the night he had changed his friend with his own hands.

Note: For the trait, the sentence in quotation marks uses watashi (I) when the rest of the trait uses kare (he). Originally, there are no quotation marks but I feel it will be very confusing to suddenly switch from I to he, so I twist the translation a little bit.

[psychesalcove]

to die by your side, it's such a heavenly way to die.

𝜗𝜚 clarrise la rue x fem reader

synopsis ; you have an injury to your shoulder blade that the apollo cabin couldn't fully heal. this, paired with sparring one of your girlfriend's half siblings, did not go hand in hand together.

⚠️ ; mentions of the battle of manhattan, reader has a wound that can't completely heal(stab wound to the shoulder), author doesn't know shit ab injuries or scars so none of this is medically correct lmao, very lightly proofread, author also doesn't know how to describe sparring, swearing (mainly from clarrise)

requested, yes by orionspaperwork !!

💬 ; made clarrise such a protective gf in this — lowkey had me giggling ab it 😽 ALSO trying a new layout with the titles; might change the other fics to match but not completely sure yet:) ALSO i made a mistake again,, accidentally made this a private post and just now realized that it wasn't public so sorry for that!!

you had planned for today to be a peaceful one.

keyword: planned.

being a demigod always meant that you would be in more danger than the average mortal, seeing as you were half god (and a lot of monsters had it out for gods). which is the explanation you always give to younger campers about a wound you have.

you fought in the battle of manhattan, as did every demigod at camp that was deemed skilled enough to fight. you wouldn't deny that you were a skilled swordsman, but you didn't have the best attention to battles as others did. which, is why you now have a stab wound to your shoulder blade.

the apollo cabin had treated your injury as soon as they could; but it had never had completely healed. will, a son of apollo, who'd you had grown close to over the years, had explained it like this: because it was such a deep stab wound, the tissue and muscle will never fully recover. will went on to explain that you would have to be careful when fighting, even if it was just a simple training session, as he, nor would you, want the wound to repoen fully.

that brings us to today; a day that you had planned to be peaceful and uneventful. you had gotten up, eaten breakfast, went to your archery class, and even went to your ancient greek writing class (which you normally skipped).

then, you found yourself heading to the area to get some extra sword practice in for today. your sparring class was scheduled for tomorrow, but you decided that you should practice beforehand so you had a smaller chance of messing up somehow.

𖦹๋࣭⭑

as you entered the area, you heard a voice call your name. it was chloe, who was a daughter of ares. you had grown quite close to the ares cabin since the battle of manhattan, as you started dating one of the cabins most valued members: clarrise la rue.

chloe, who looked like she had just won her sixth battle, jogged over to you. sweat was present on her forehead, her bangs sticking together slightly as she took of her helmet when she reached closer distance. "wanna spar with me?" chloe asked as soon as she was in hearing distance for her normal tone of voice. "you're like one of the only people at this god forsaken camp that actually knows how to use a sword correctly," she lightly pushed your shoulder, causing a small wince to escape out of your mouth.

you're guessing that chloe didn't hear it, as she was still staring at you, awaiting your answer. you coughed lightly. "yeah, sure. i was planning on training anyways; probably better to do that with a person instead of a dummy," you said, refering to the poorly made straw dummies that had been through a rough go of it over the years.

chloe gave you a grin; one that all children of ares adopted. clarrise would have that grin throughout capture the flag, during a combat session, or really anytime she knew she was going to win. you gulped.

𖦹๋࣭⭑

you could feel sweat doing down your lower back as you doged yet another swing from chloe. the two of you had been sparing for around ten minutes now; having an audience watching from the sidelines.

it had been a while since you sparred with a child of ares—mainly because clarrise insisted you only sparred with her whenever you were with her siblings, but you guessed that chloe wasn't to intimidated by your girlfriend—and, you had forgotten how vigorously they fought.

children of ares were definitely not keen on giving up, or losing for that matter.

you were brought out of your thoughts as chloes blade made a direct hit on your shoulder; as it happens, the shoulder that was still injured and needed to be treaded lightly on.

you quickly drop your blade, signaling to chloe that you were done. the stinging pain got worse as chloe whooped and raised her fist in the air at victory. "didn't take you for one to quit so easily," she said before taking your facial expression in. "are you good?" she asked, approaching your form as you gripped your shoulder. "didn't think i hit you that hard there," chloe mused, taking your hand away from your shoulder to look at what your hand was covering.

chloe hissesd, quickly guiding your hand back to where it was placed before. "let's get you to the infirmary, yeah?" she didn't leave anytime for you to respond, instead throwing an arm over your back and starting leading you in the direction of the infirmary.

𖦹๋࣭⭑

you heard your girlfriend before you could see her. you were sitting in a cot, twords the front of the infirmary. will had attached a couple of IV's into your arm, for reasons that you have no idea of. "what do you mean you didn't hit her that hard? obviously, you did because she's in the fucking infirmary!" clarrise said as she rounded the corner of the big house, her eyes finding yours almost immediately.

all the tension clarrise had in her eyes—as well as her body—vanished as soon as she locked eyes with you. "are you okay babe?" she asked, quickly moving across the wooded floor to meet you at your cot.

"im fine hon," you reassured, only to be met with a blank look from your girlfriend.

"oh yeah, sure you are," she said sarcastically, eyes now trailing over your shoulder and the bandages that were put there. "i probably could've done a better job than them," she said under her breath, which you were sure you weren't meant to hear but you did anyway.

"i love you, but i don't think you'd do a better job than a apollo kid, especially will." you mused, looking at her with a small smile on your face.

she rolled her eyes at your comment, a small blush forming on her cheeks knowing that you heard a comment that was meant to stay with her. "yeah, yeah, whatever." clarrise said. "do y'know how long you have to stay in here?" she asked, eyes still looking over your shoulder; no doubt still thinking she could've done a better job with your shoulder.

before you could reply, will came strolling in. "she can leave now if she wants to, i already did her vitals and all that, so she's all yours," will answered for clarisse, even though the question was directed at you.

"i asked her, not you solace." clarrise said, crossing her arms and glaring at him.

will only smiled at you two. "but, i am the doctor. and, i didn't tell your dear girlfriend either, so she wouldn't have known," will explained, no venom in his voice. you still don't understand how he could be so calm with everybody; but you guess that was a trait you learned when you're a demigod medic.

clarrise rolled her eyes once more, knowing that will was right. after will confirmed with you that you were feeling better, he unattached the IV's from your skin, and did one more quick lookover before letting you go. "don't spar or anything like the sorts for a couple more days, and i'll check on you again by friday to see if you can join capture the flag," will explained as you walked out of the infirmary. you bid him goodbye; and then clarrise proceeded to drag you back to the ares cabin. (as gently as clarrise could manage, that is)

𖦹๋࣭⭑

the two of you arrived at the ares cabin in record time, thanks to clarrises speed walking almost noone else can keep up with. the cabin was completely vacant, as it was mid afternoon and classes were going on. you were grateful for this; not because you don't enjoy clarrises siblings, you honestly adore them, but right now it's nice to just have some alone time with your girlfriend.

you sat on clarrises bunk, and she quickly joined you, pulling you to her chest (remembering to avoid your shoulder, thankfully). she wrapped her arms around your middle, resting her chin on your non injured shoulder. "y'know you could've spared with me, not chloe," she said.

you laughed softly. "hon, you were in class. and, chloe was the one to ask me, and i was going to train anyway." you said, grabbing one of her hands that laid on your waist and squeezed it lightly.

"i would've been more careful," she mumbled, shoving her head into your neck.

you breathed out a laugh through your nose. "she didn't know about my shoulder, and, if she did, i'm sure she would've been more careful about it," you explained. now thinking about it, you should probably mention your shoulder to people you are sparing with, just to be on the safer side.

"im gonna talk to her later about it," clarrise said, removing her head from your neck. "i feel like it should be common knowledge about your shoulder. she needs to be more careful," she went onto say.

before you could respond, clarrise said, "actually, everyone should know. i think m'gonna spar with her later. maybe aim for her shoulder, im not sure yet,"

"clarrise la rue! you are not going to do that!" you exclaimed, looked at her in disbelief; knowing full well thats a normal thing for her to say.

clarrise simply shrugged her shoulders before grabbing your jaw, bringing you into a kiss.

[riality-check]

👉👈 could i request another lil ficlet that includes steve getting comfortable with his body as it changes over time, that shit is so healing

Hi anon, of course you can!! I love getting requests, even though I might take a bit to answer them!!

I'm going to take this one in a slightly different direction, if that's alright with you. I've got a couple of thoughts about Steve and migraines that I'm using this opportunity to share.

(For those who missed it, this ficlet is the one anon is referring to!)

Steve thought, like most people, that his twenties would be filled with adventure. He'd get to party, make mistakes, learn about himself, and have fun. He'd go places and find a place to call home and maybe even a person, too.

But he's twenty years old, and at least once every two weeks, he's out of commission because his brain decides to scream at him.

Scream is probably too kind of a word. Jackhammer through his eye socket fits better, but that takes too much effort to say.

Today is one of the jackhammer days, and Steve doesn't even get all the fun warning signs and the aura before it sets in because he wakes up to pain so bad that opening his eyes feels monumental.

Woo-hoo, twenties!

He rolls over to smash his face into his pillow. It blocks out the light, and the pressure helps, but being face-down is going to make him nauseous in a few minutes.

What he'd give to be normal.

A hand snakes its way into his hair, lightly ruffling it, and while, normally, Steve considers himself exceptionally lucky and ahead of the curve (for once) for already having found his person to call home, right now he wishes he were alone.

Not really. The hand in his hair has to go, though. It's too much when breathing hurts.

He groans and tries to move out of the way, but that hurts, too.

"Oh, shit," Eddie whispers, taking his hand away. "Migraine day?"

Steve hums, though it ends up being more of a whimper.

"Okay," Eddie says.

The bed shifts next to Steve, and the sound of footsteps appears and disappears. Before Steve musters the courage or willpower to turn back over and open his eyes, the bed dips again, and gentle hands are rolling him over.

He groans in anticipation of the light, but it doesn't hit his eyes. Eddie must have closed the curtains.

"Water is on the nightstand, along with your meds. I don't know how much they'll help now, but if you can stomach them, I think you should take them," Eddie says softly. "Do you want the ice pack?"

Steve nods, just barely.

Gently, Eddie places the ice pack, already wrapped in a towel, on his forehead. Steve sighs when the cold makes contact with his skin.

"Sorry," he rasps. He's glad Eddie brought him water, even if he can't make himself grab it yet. His voice is a wreck.

"What for?" Eddie asks, lightly running a hand up and down Steve's bare arm.

"Making you do this."

Eddie huffs. Steve cracks his eyes open to see him frowning, like he expected.

"You don't make me do anything," Eddie says. "Do I make you do anything on the days my nerve pain flares?"

"No," Steve mumbles.

It's just not fair. The monsters are dead and gone. Steve is young and strong and hot and able, except for the days when he isn't. He shouldn't have days when he isn't, not when the shit that caused them is dead.

He wishes this was something like the Mind Flayer. Something that could be exorcised from him or cut out like a tumor. Something that can be killed.

Steve is good at killing things. He isn't good at fighting by standing down.

"So, we have a day in," Eddie says, still quiet. "I wanted to finish my book, anyway. Mind if I read next to you?"

"Sounds good," Steve says.

He closes his eyes again, hears the rustling of sheets as Eddie gets settled in next to him.

It does sound good. Eddie has a way of spinning things, of distracting them both from both of their pain.

Steve wishes he could see himself in Eddie's eyes. He wonders what he'd look like. He wonders about the thoughts that Eddie doesn't share.

He's long grown past the misguided belief that those thoughts are bad.

Steve isn't good at fighting by standing down. But he thinks, as the light sound of Eddie's steady breathing and the blissful dark and the pleasant cold of the ice pack start to lull him back to sleep, despite the pain, that he doesn't have to fight. That this is just a condition of existence, just something to be lived with.

Not an enemy. Just baggage. And Steve can use his arms to hold it instead of swing.

He isn't normal. Neither is Eddie. And that's okay, too.

[basu-shokikita]

Kloktober 2023 Day 29

So what happens after AOTD?

The best part about AOTD is the potential of what can happen next! And one of the parts I was looking forward the most was how the band would deal with what happened to Toki, so I took the chance to write a little about it today. And yes, it's Skwistok, lol.

Side note: This drabble takes place in the same timeline than all of these drabbles, yes (not that you need to read them for this one, though, just a fun fact!)

Drop.

Toki heard it the first time.

Drop, drop.

And the second time.

Drop…drop, drop.

And the third time too. 

Drop.

He heard them all, he just didn’t know how to react. Skwisgaar had come by earlier and sat next to him, making no noise besides the fretting of his guitar, when suddenly tears started pouring down his face. 

Toki could see him with the corner of his eye. He could see Skwisgaar wiping his face only for more tears to be shed. Silent sniffles and heavy swallows, Toki wasn’t sure if Skwisgaar wanted his crying to be acknowledged or not, so he pretended not to notice still.

He had an idea what might have been causing it, though.

After they defeated Salacia and successfully prevented the end of the world, things had been slowly going back to normal. Cities were being rebuilt, survivors were reuniting, governments were slowly reestablishing. Little by little, Earth was healing from its tragedy. 

For Dethklok, however, things were a bit different as they were starting to recover memories they had no recollection of losing in the first place. And for Toki, well, it meant reliving his capture, his kidnapping. It was relieving what someone he thought of as a friend did to him. The countless hours he spent clinging to Abigail, not ready to die yet. The never-ending days he waited for Dethklok to come to him, only to fall asleep amidst dreams of their first meeting.

In all honesty, it hadn’t been as shocking as it should’ve. Maybe because of his childhood, or maybe because things hadn’t been entirely normal after he was back with his brothers. He kept having confusing, unsettling nightmares about being locked, about a dark scary figure, about feeling on the verge of death. So when he started recovering his memories, it was like the missing pieces in a puzzle finally fell in place. 

As strange as it might sound, Toki found comfort in understanding what had happened, even if the truth was horrifying. All this time he had thought those nightmares were presages from the future, but turns out they were reminders of the past. That, he could deal with. 

He was just…numb to it. Yeah, that was probably it. Not angry or sad, or even relieved. Just numb to it all.

Just that. 

“Ams sorries…” Skwisgaar said. 

Toki turned to him. “Whats?”

Skwisgaar’s face was soaking wet, yet he still managed to barely show emotion. “Ams sorries.”

“What ams you sorries for?” Toki was confused. 

“I forgots everything.” Skwisgaar shook his head lightly. “I didn’ts…undersktand why you were so touchies and I was a dildos abouts it.”

“Oh.” Toki smiled and turned to look at the wall. “Don’t worries about it. I didn’ts really understands either. It ams okay.”

“And we should ‘aves…” He trailed off. “…dones somethingks…earliers…”

“It ams okay.” Toki repeated it, still staring at the wall. “You saveds me and ams glad you dids.”

“We were dildos about it.” Skwisgaar grumbled to himself. “Dildos. I was scareds-”

“Skwisgaar, it really ams-”

“I was scareds I’ds never sees you again.” Skwisgaar let out softly and Toki turned to stare at him, agape. However, Skwisgaar avoided his gaze when he continued. “I was so scareds I droggeds myselves all de times not to thinks abouts it.” His lip quivered. “De idea of losings you…” Skwisgaar closed his eyes, his voice breaking the next time he talked. “I couldn’ts takes it.”

Toki had known Skwisgaar for a long time. He was more aware than anyone else at how bad Skwisgaar was talking about his feelings. Often, he had gotten the short end of the stick because of it. Because of that, he knew it had cost him a lot to say all of that. “Does you want to know whats I thoughts abouts whens I was deres?”

Skwisgaar raised his eyes slowly, like he was scared to meet Toki’s. “Ja…” He whispered.

Toki smiled, already fond of the memory. “I thoughts of my auditions…playings with yous…whens you saids you wanteds me in da bands…” He looked down, almost ashamed. “I thoughts of everyones, of course, but I thoughts of you mosts, Skwisgaar…of us…it gaves me de strenghts to keep goings…” He shook his head. “Soes embarrassings, I know...” 

Because Skwisgaar wasn’t saying anything, he glanced at him. Skwisgaar was looking at him, with something in his eyes that Toki hadn’t seen before.

“Skwisgaar?”

Wordlessly, Skwisgaar grabbed the sides of Toki’s face and meshed their lips together. It lasted for barely a second before Skwisgaar pulled back, seemingly disconcerted by his own reaction. “S-Sorries, Toke, I…”

Toki shook his head. He didn’t want Skwisgaar to apologize over that, but he also wasn’t ready to process it yet. Not right now. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Skwisgaar’s, who for once, didn’t try to put space between. Trying to collect himself, he inhaled deeply. 

“I really ams–”

“Stops.” Toki said without opening his eyes. “Don’ts says anythings.”

He heard Skwisgaar swallow. “Okays.”

Toki smirked. “And holds me.”

Awkwardly, Skwisgaar placed his hands on Toki’s waist. “L-Likes dis?”

“Yeah.” They remained like that for a while. He could hear Skwisgaar’s labored breathing, it was a little funny. What was he so worked out about? “Skwisgaar?”

“J-Ja?” 

“Don’t lets me go.”

“I won’ts!” Skwisgaar said a bit too enthusiastically. “I won’ts…” He repeated, more sober.

Toki smiled. He had a long road ahead and he knew it. And it wasn’t going to be easy. When had his life ever been easy? But he had a feeling, it all would be okay in the end.

“Goods.”

[buttsonthebeach]

Chapter 3 of The World Was Wide Enough is here!

On AO3, as always! Preview below the cut.

She relaxed into his touch, and trusted him. The feeling of his magic was as familiar as the touch of his hands. The cool wash of healing took her back to battlefields all over Thedas. He pressed down gently on her shoulder, rubbed back and forth, testing for the sore points. She winced, and he relented.

“No, try again,” she said.

Try again. She wanted to try again. She closed her eyes and imagined this was the rotunda after all. The clothes on her skin felt right. He felt right. They were Before, and not After. Except that illusion could never be complete, and she had to let it go. There was no going back. He was only doing this because of her missing arm, and she was only missing her arm because of the Anchor, that day in the Crossroads when he came back, only to say good-bye again.

He pressed down, and his hands were warmer than before, the current of the healing was different, a slower wave of energy. She let out one shuddering breath, and then another. He made a slow circle with the fingers on her shoulder, circling the point that had caused her pain. The tension began to release, and yet her throat grew tighter as she remembered why it was there. Kirkwall, they had to abandon Kirkwall, and her clan, she had never gone back to them, bare-faced and ashamed, and now she would never go back to them -

But still, his touch worked. The ache soothed. Her shoulders loosened. He moved to the other, careful and gentle and precise and it was too much, too good, too tender, too intimate, after twelve long years of no one touching her, loving her, like this.

When he pulled his hands away she stepped forward quickly, keeping her back to him, trying to keep a safe distance, trying to gather herself, because there were tears in her eyes, and she didn’t even know why. Tears for others, for herself, for him, for the past, for the future, enough that if she let them out, they might never stop.

“Ellana,” he said, and it was so rare to hear her name on his lips that it made her heart ache.

“I’m fine,” she said, and her voice sounded thick, and she cursed herself for it.

“Did I hurt you?”

She tilted her head back. Swallowed her tears.

“Not now,” she said. “Not today.”

[darkness-falls-tarot]

What is the friendship like between Pedro Pascal and Lupita Nyong’o?

All readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only; please take each reading with a grain of salt.

What does Lupita think of Pedro: knight of pentacles, ace of wands, 9 of cups reversed - Pedro is a good friend to have in her life. He’s dependable and someone that’s easy to talk with. Now these two may have a better connection than they used to these days, the relationship between them could be moving into a different direction. But I think Pedro may have done something that Lupita isn’t too fond of. It’s not irredeemable but perhaps she feels like “Oh come on man, you know better than that.” And this could be in terms of a chance he took and she knew what would happen when he did or something else. It’s just a minor annoyance at him.

What does Pedro think of Lupita: page of wands, ace of pentacles reversed, 8 of wands - Pedro adores Lupita as she’s ambitious and fun to be around. I think he wants to work with her again in the future and is making an effort to do that. Now I think he knows she’s been through some recent difficulties since her split from her partner and he’s probably trying to hear her out, he wants to know she’s okay. Now I think some recent things she’s doing in her life came as a shock to Pedro and he’s being like the big brother type and trying to let her know to be careful; he means it in the best possible way but he is genuinely proud of her and what she does.

Oracle card for Lupita: addiction - she may be relying on him in a way to help her or calling him to talk as he’s offered to be there if she needs a friend. She may call about the ideas she has and talk about something with him concerning their work or just things in life. She wants to stay in his life.

Oracle card for Pedro: hammer - there may have been something that’s come up which has caused a little issue between them. Pedro is trying to make amends for this as he also wants to keep her in his life. He may have said something or done something she wanted him to be cautious of and he’s learned from it.

Overall dynamic: 3 of pentacles, judgment, 4 of pentacles reversed - overall these two have a lasting bond and plan to stay in each others lives for as long as they can; they may plan a hangout when they get some free time or may even party at the upcoming Oscar’s. When they do this they might take time to acknowledge what happened and own up to each other what they felt and why it hurt them etc. they’re going to be trying to keep close as one or both of them has been through a lot recently and is trying to maintain the bonds between their friends.

Oracle card: Not today - right now they’re taking time to just heal from the issue that has come between them. They will work on it but for now I believe he’s working on his upcoming project and she’s running her podcast and trying to juggle things in her life. They will work it out but they want to do so in person and probably have a good cry or hug.

[gatorlovebot]

My pain is better today, so my brain is working again (at least a little bit lmao), so claiming and puppy Simon!!! I have a couple thoughts on it

1. I think that he wants something to show his devotion to you, both inside and outside puppy-space. You have given him a love he never even knew existed, let alone thought he deserved, and he might not be ready to give you a ring (might not ever be ready for it, might not even be able to with the whole “being legally dead” thing). But a necklace seems too close to a collar, and something with just his initials or a heart of it doesn’t feel big enough, not with how much you’ve changed his life. One day, when he’s spacing out and fiddling with his dog tags, he gets the idea. He gets you a special chain thing that can convert between a bracelet and a necklace, and on the chain? One of his dog tags. He tells you, in part it’s a way of showing that you belong with him, but it’s also a promise to everything and everyone that he will follow you everywhere, including into death. If they ever find you dead, his soul will have departed with you, and Price or anyone else will have to bury you together (or if you want to be cremated, mix your ashes together). Simon is a strong man, who has fought to survive through so much physical and emotional pain, but a world without you is one he refuses to live in, so this is his promise to you.

2. In much smuttier news, he also love biting you. It started as his nervous nips, then a communication tactic, then he just had an oral fixation and your fingers are so good to have in his mouth and having your neck in his mouth soothes his fixation, reminds him your alive because he can taste your pulse, and makes you all squirmy <3 one day while he’s humping you, he bites at you to try to silence himself a bit, and ends up biting too hard and breaks the skin. Poor puppy gets so hard everytime he sees the scabbed over bite as it heals, and just glancing at it can send him into puppy space. You, of course, notice and decide, after a week where Simon has been a bit insecure that you’re going to have him mark you properly with his bite. You sit down and tell your puppy to come. He kneels before you, curious, and you tell him to sit on your lap and put his teeth on your throat. He follows with no hesitation, and just mindlessly rests his teeth against that spot, his breathes causing you to shiver in hot anticipation. “Now, I want you to be a good boy, and bite.” Simon freezes: Simon the man flinching at the thought of hurting you, Simon the puppy wanting to follow your orders blindly and wanting to mark you, and Ghost wanting to taste your blood on your own order. “I know, puppy, you’re a good boy for thinking of my safety first even when I order something, my smart and sweet boy <3 but I want to have your mark on my body forever, so I want you to bite and if it heals, I’ll just have you bite over and over again until it stays <3. So, as long as you’re ok with it, I’ll ask again: Puppy, bite”.

3. A tiny bit of piss play, as a treat to myself: Simon completely underestimates just how far into puppy space he would be able to sink when this all first started. First, he thought he’d never be able to do it, then that he’d be able to play along but not get super out of his head, but now he’s here, and he’s fighting against instincts he shouldn’t have since he’s not actually a fucking dog. He shouldn’t be basically chewing up your used underwear, rubbing them all over himself to get the scent to stick around longer, or getting annoyed when any actual dog comes by you, and he sure as hell shouldn’t be thinking about pissing on you to claim you. I think out of everything, that’s something he keeps buried so deep within himself, wrapped in shame and disgust. He never meant to tell you, and he never would’ve. Except one day, he falls DEEP into puppy space, and he drank a lot of water from his bowl, and you were being so hot so he couldn’t keep himself from humping. Usually, when Simon is in puppy space, especially for longer scenes, you make sure to tell him to “go potty” every once in a while, because 1) it drives in the puppy space deeper and proves that you can take care of him and all his bodily needs and 2) you don’t want to risk him going to deep and having an accident and then being too ashamed to be a puppy again. But you didn’t see how much water he drank from his bowl, and thought the break earlier was enough :(( so Simon is humping you, and his cock fees leaky, and he’s so desperate and the a burst of liquid comes out, not cum, and Simon freezes and starts to whine distressed and pulling off you to hide his puppy cock with his hands. You realize what happened, and immediately are comforting him and petting him, and you guide him to the bathroom but come in with him because you are afraid if you leave him alone at this point he will spiral, all while trying to ignore how hot it was that this giant man got so lost in being your puppy he didn’t know he needed to piss and inadvertently pissed on you a lil like a puppy trying to mark its territory. You bring him back, and have to have a long conversation with him both in and out of puppy space about how you don’t mind, that you even find it a little attractive, but that you will watch him more closely in scenes to make sure this doesn’t happen again if that’s what he wants. It takes a long, long time with a lot of discussions, communication and research for Simon to be ok with it happening again, but he can’t deny that he gets insanely turned on by the thought of pissing himself as he humps you again, claiming you as his just like puppies do <3

Sorry it’s still not the best, and not the most coherent, but if you have anything you want me to expand on, I absolutely will!

-🐶

bestie, honey, sweetie, literal LOVE OF MY LIFE how do you know exactly what i need every single time? somehow you are in my brain reading my thoughts because whenever you send me a message about puppy simon it's like tailor made for me <3 i'm also very glad to hear that you're feeling better. "sorry it's still not the best" anon, i promise that i want to hear all of your thoughts about puppy simon, no matter how jumbled they are (not saying these thoughts are jumbled, they're literally so beautiful and delicious). but always feel free to word vomit about puppy simon in my inbox.

i love the dog tag idea and tbh it made me tear up a little bit because yeah you've given him a world he never thought possible, a world that's only worth it if you're in it. and i love how it kind of subverts the roles ya know, like him, the puppy, giving you dog tags. would also love to hear your thoughts on collaring simon because i looooove collaring but i think it's something you two have to work up to. puppy simon would looove a collar but simon the person has his hangups, fearful he would feel restricted and panic.

the biting is everything and your writing is just. something else, dude. he just loves having his mouth on your skin, your body is his favorite toy. and he didn't mean to break skin, he just gets so worked up when he humps and humps and humps, he gets so loud and it's so embarrassing to him sometimes that he needs to muffle himself a little bit. he feels sooo bad when he first breaks skin, but feels even worse at the way it makes his cock twitch and leak. he shouldn't want to hurt you when all you do is coo at him and pet him :( picturing him climbing into your lap because god he's so fucking big but he's just your little boy, your sweet little lap dog <3

he cums in your lap when he tastes your blood and hears your wounded cry, he laps at your blood, cleaning up his mess. and the claiming bites work for him out of puppy space too. the dog tags are one thing to claim you and prove his devotion, but something material can't express his need for you, his hunger for you like a bite mark can.

piss play! piss play! piss play! anon, i'm giving you a kiss. with tongue. this is what i love so much about this au because as filthy as it is it's all about communication and trust building and meeting other's needs. reminding him to go potty during a scene so you can prove to him you can be in charge of his needs? taking on that responsibility so he doesn't have to think about anything other than being a happy puppy? i need it saur bad.

also love the drinking out of a bowl mention because above anything the puppy play dynamic has quickly become more of a lifestyle than just a kink. him drinking out of a bowl that says "simon" or "puppy" on it i could die.

the shame and guilt this man has drives me insaneeee. but that's why i love this au so much because we get to help him unlearn that shame lol. even though you're completely fine with his other deeply puppy behaviors, encouraging them selfishly, he's still like "wanting to piss on them is Too Far" so he's devastated when it happens on accident, his body betraying him one of the worst ways he could ever imagine :( cleaning him up is one of those rare moments when you have to be very direct with him. your voice is still soft because you knows he's scared and still in puppy space but every word is intentional and every touch is comforting until he's finally able to crawl back into your arms when he's all clean.

it's one of those things he still wants to do, but his feelings about it are just Too Much still. your words help a lot but he's still just stuck on it. so he fantasizes about covering you in his piss, his scent, in the mean time <3

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

Hey there! <3

There's just something that has been on my mind lately and I just really wanted to get rid of it, I'm really not the best when it comes to expressing what I feel but I will try to this time.

This account means a lot to me, like a safe space. Your writting is beyond lovely, it brings so much comfort to me, even on hard times. It might look like just words to some, but they mean a lot to me. I don't normally reveal this to anyone, but I used to struggle with self-harming, I've been clean for a year now. But lately, I had been wanting to do it again after seeing something that made me very upset; but when I visited your account and read one of your works, those thoughts immediately flew away.

It's funny how we manage to cause so much impact on someone, and be completely unaware of it.

I'll kindly ask you to not be so hard on yourself, you don't deserve it, and I hope that one day you manage to find some peace of mind. It honestly hurts me that seemingly only the sweetest of people suffer so much. You're loved, Murda. Remember that and hold it close to your chest whenever you feel down.

Oh, Anon.

You have no idea how much I needed this today. Literally the very minute it came through, I had just received some bad news and was sitting in my car, crying.

It means so much to me to be important to someone in some way when I feel so broken and invisible. To have helped you makes my usually melancholy heart actually feel something else. Something brighter.

I made a post about not venting on this blog. I had received cruel asks and messages. I’ve mostly stuck to that and tried to release the negative energy in my writing instead. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t.

I know I apologize to people who read my works a lot. I don’t mean to, honestly. It’s habit. Writing is legitimately all I have and mental illness is slowly taking it away from me.

This turned out a jumbled mess but I think I said what I meant to in one way or another.

Thank you so much again. I’m so touched and humbled. If you ever find yourself battling those urges again, I just want to share something I say out loud to myself. As with anything else when it comes to these struggles, sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn’t, but if it encourages you even one time, saves you one scar, it’s doing what I’ve hoped it would.

I truly hope that you continue on your path to healing. It’s not easy, though I don’t need to tell you that. I’m going to be sending all the positive energy that I can to you. I don’t know you, but I love you. And I’m proud of you. 🩵