#one day these people are going to sit with someone emotionally vulnerable and breach the standard of care bc of their ignorance

[swiftful-thinking13]

there’s a 99% chance that your bad future therapist is in my cohort :DD

[themonotonysyndrome]

REDACTED verse - Sadism & Trolling (Vega Headcanons)

NGL, I’m gonna be straight with y’all...

I miss Vega! And uh, since I've been listening to his videos lately, I wanted to write a oneshot for him until I decided on some headcanons at the last minute. 

I'm not sure what role the Inchoate Daemon Listener in his more recent videos would play in the future, so I tried my hands on writing his 'lover'. I always wanted to write a morally dubious Listener anyway! 

So this is entirely separate from the Inchoate Daemon Listener. 

Vega calls his Listener 'Hamster' for their snacking habits. He would only calls you 'Dear heart' when he's feeling vulnerable or in intimate situations. 

He meets them before Ivan's story. He was actually walking around humans for a change of pace, feeding on the faint lingering negative emotions hovering around the park. It's the human equivalent of getting a cup of coffee in the morning to kickstart their day.

Suddenly, Vega felt intense and strange emotions coming from somewhere in the area. It's a combination of righteous fury, hurt and glee. 

He tracks the owner of the maelstrom to find you. A lone human sitting on a bench underneath a tall, shady tree. Your expression is a total contrast to what you're feeling. It's calm and almost bored. 

After using magic to do some digging and breaching personal privacy, Vega found out that you plan an act of horrible revenge on a cheating partner. He sticks around to watch it all play out. 

He loved the show. So much so he claims you as his charge. 

However, jokes on him; you're a passive and lazy person. Your default setting is living life operating on the least amount of brain cells and effort. So after feeding on your heartbreak from the breakup, Vega has no idea what the fuck to do with you. 

So he subtly pulls the strings around you in hopes to get you to feel upset or at least annoyed; coffee spilt on your work laptop, someone bought that last slice of your favourite cake, bad internet connection at home, anything! 

But the most you'd (unknowingly) give him is a sigh before you look for something else to occupy your time. To Vega, he feels like a first-time owner to a pet that isn't behaving as it should be. You're like a hamster running in its ball, utterly oblivious of the world outside.  

When you do react emotionally, it's like a wildfire - a roaring and unapologetic blaze that will burn for days. Especially when it comes to negative emotions. However, it takes such a long time to build up and rarely does it even spark. Honestly, to you, working up to such a passionate response is a hassle. 

Unfortunately for Vega, he realises this a little too late. 

The two of you officially meet when you begin to notice that certain objects around the house aren't exactly where they should be. Like how the coffee cup that you instinctively put away from the laptop is now right next to it when you came out of the bathroom. How you can never find your favourite red mug or t-shirt despite you just wash them. 

Slowly but surely, you feel like you suddenly gain an invisible annoying and unwanted roommate. 

Vega detects your annoyance and plans to 'farm' it, only for it to hilariously backfire when you begin to hit up the local priests to discuss about an exorcism and thus, raise a potential covert risk. 

When he first appeared in front of you, your immediate action was to grab a baseball bat, shock and indignation flare within you. 

"So you're the fucking bastard that has been eating my fucking Pringles!" 

"What!? No! And I swear to any God you believe in, I’ll make you regret it if you swing that thing at me."

“Hah! Is that a challenge!? Buy back my snacks. Now. Before I break your bones and sell them to the black market!”

"News flash, Hamster: you're the one who's been eating all of them. Those after midnight snacks? What? Did you think you were sleep-eating?" 

"Who are you calling hamster!?"

"Of course, that's the one you have a problem with..." 

Do you know that one Tv Trope? The 'savvy guy, energetic girl' and 'monster and the maiden'? You and Vega are something in-between, where Vega is determined to feed on you, his charge, while you make it your life mission to be his biggest inconvenience ever. 

That being said, there's a lot of things you share in common with him. For one thing, you live by the 'not my circus, not my monkey' rule, so you don't particularly care what Vega does outside of your life as long as it doesn't cause you any problems. 

You both can be petty AF, and if one is petty, the other will automatically prepare for the other's revenge. 

Vega likes to give you shit for being an Unempowered Human, and in return, you would do everything in your power to piss him off. EX: You’ll make a joke about his shoe size. You know what they say, small shoes mean small... package. And besides, he's a Daemon, right? Doesn't that mean he has hooves? 

Both of you toed the line between violence and resignation, which is impressive that you're still alive. You made it clear to him that if he wants to take you down, you'll take him down with you, and Vega can respect that. 

Vega starts to catch feelings for you after you blackmail him into going to the cinema with you because there's a discount on the tickets for a pair of friends/couple. He's shocked to find that he enjoyed himself that night. 

As for you, you start to feel fond of him when he orchestrated a string of misfortune on your asshole of a colleague. He never once admit it, but at that point, you could read his body language and behaviours rather well. How could you not when your colleague’s series of unfortunate events result in a whole week of nothing but good vibes for you.

Neither you nor Vega confesses your feelings, but you ended up in a romantic relationship nonetheless.

Vega has never fallen in love before, so this emotion is very strange and new for him. From his annoying charge, you've become his most cherished person in the world. 

Vega protects you the only way he knows how. By making the people who upset you miserable or just straight up terminate their trial period of existence. As a Sadism Daemon, Vega is very well aware of the stigma that comes with his kind, and it really doesn't help that he loves what he does, so you have to rein him in from time to time. 

On that note, expect this Daemon to be possessive as hell. No matter what you do around the house, Vega would attach himself to you. Oh, you're working on the couch with the laptop on your lap? He'll move you so you'll sit on his lap while he watches TV. You're relaxing in the bathtub? Scoot forward, he wants to sit behind you. If you're talking to a friend on the phone, he'll peppered kisses and leave hickies on your neck in an attempt for you to end the call. If he could, he would hide you from the world itself so only he could have you. So please stomp on his feet when he starts to sweetly suggest you disappear with him. 

If it's raining at night, both of you would silently lie on the bed together, just basking in one the other's presence. If you fall asleep first, Vega will turn you into his little spoon.

In terms of dating and due to his possessive and protective nature, most of your dates would be in your home. Movie marathons, him playing as your audience for your video game matches, monopoly sessions ending up in a messy divorce sitcom or just napping together. Good for you if you're a homebody. If you're the outgoing type? Good luck; you'll need to be as persuasive as him to budge Vega. The most Vega is willing to go are breakfast/lunch/dinner dates. The fewer eyes on you, the better. 

It's not long before Vega stops feeding on you entirely. He only takes a few destructive emotions that overwhelm you and help you work the rest out in a healthy manner. 

That's when he starts to think about spending his forever with you. 

Don't be mistaken, though; Vega is still a sadism Daemon that doesn’t take kindly to those getting in his way but to you? His one happiness in life? He's your loyal lover. 

-

OK. I might have gone a bit crazy with Vega but in my defence, I had like 3 mugs of tea and a tub of Belgian chocolate ice-cream and ramen last night after midnight plus a weird longing for him. 

It’s weird. 

[themalhambird]

Richard/Aumerle for the "send me a ship" meme :D

Who s physically stronger?Aumerle. Richard is faster though.

Who is more likely to break a bone?Between the “fight me” reaction to everything and a certain amount of natural clumsiness, Aumerle.

Who knows best what to say to upset the other?Aumerle, actually. If Richard says something horrible to Aumerle he’s more likely to be lashing out because he’s upset with someone else, so it wont have been specifically calculated to hurt. Wheras Aumerle knows all of Richard’s weaknesses and insecurities and could shatter him with a single sentence. He wont though.

Who is more likely to hurt the other?Richard- see aforementioned lashing out. One one level Aumerle accepts Richard isnt mad at him and doesnt mean it, but that doesnt always mean he can shrug off what’s said.

Who is emotionally stronger.?Richard breaks down more quickly, but finds it easier to pull himself together and mask his distress even if he doesnt move past it. Aumerle can cope with more but once he snaps it takes a while to pick up the peices.

Who is more likely to apologize first after an argument?Richard. Mainly because Richard is more likely to have started it and Aumerle is very firm about not apologizing when it’s Richard who’s in the wrong. He’s perfected the art of giving the king of England the cold shoulder without breaching ettiquette- vanishing behind a wall of formality is will normally win him an apology within 48 hours.

Who treats who’s wounds more often?That’s what the royal physician is for. Richard hovers more though- Aumerle will stay out of the way while the doctor’s working unless asked to do otherwise.

Who is in constant need of comfort?Richard. He tries not to dump it all on Aumerle, but there’s only so many people he feels he can be open and honest and vulnerable with and….Aumerle is pretty much all of them. He might find Isabelle if he’s just generally sad or tired and hope for a distraction, and he has Carlisle for more spiritual matters, but apart from that it’s only Edward- which can be pretty draining on Aumerle at times.

Who gets more jealous?Richard, actually. Aumerle is prety much resigned to the face that loving Richard means sharing him; Richard, oth, makes it very clear that Aumerle is HIS and York’s suggestion that maybe its really time for Edward to marry is not welcome through the power of the Plantagenet Glare. (Though if Edward did happen to fall in love with someone else, Richard would support him fully)

Who’s more likely to walk out on the other?Etttiquette prevents Aumerle leaving without permission, and Richard will never relinquish his right to be in whichever room of his palace he pleases to be in so he wouldnt leave because of an argument. He might order Aumerle out, whether Ned obeys or tells him to call the guards to drag him out depends on whetger he thinks Richard is more likely to calm down or get worse if left tk his own devices.

Who will propose?In canon-era they cant marry so the question’s mute, though Richard probably slios a ring on Aumerle’s finger one night while they’re lying in bed together in a sort of symbolic gesture

In a modern au where Richard and Anne never met, Edward proposes, quite possibly at a completely random moment where he was watching Richard do something adorable like Swear Vengence Upon The Heads Of His Enemies, think “I’m going to marry that idiot” and say “marry me” almost at once. If Richard had lost Anne, though, Ned would be a lot more cautious about proposing so it would probably be left to Richard accidentally introducing Edward as his husband because that’s how he’s come to see him, having a complete freak out when he realises what he’s done including a guilt trip about being disloyal to Anne’s memory and probably ends with Edward holding Richard while they come to an agreement that they will get married, but they’ll hold off on even thinking about planning any arrangements until Richard is ready and proposes properly.

Who has the most difficult parents?That’s another

one which depends on au- in canon Richard's parents are dead and even if they weren't, Edmund Duke of Execute My Son For Treason He's Probably A Bastard Anyway wpuld have them beat. In everyone lives and Richard keeps adopting random kids au oth, I can see Edward being more difficult because he loves his son, is painfully aware Gaunt and Gloucester would happily trample on him to get to power ( Richard's relationship with his older brother the prince of wales is a little strained) and can remember all to well what happened to his grandfather. So he'd probabky attempt to split them up, at least until Joan swats him over the head and tells him to leave them alone, they're sweet together, and York points out that Sending Aumerle away will be seen as confirmation of the affair which could make matters worse.Who initiates hand holding in public?The King of England does not hold hands, and Aumerle needs his free in case he needs to tear a glove off and fling it in someone's face. Aumerle will sometimes give Richard's arm a light touch meaning calm the fuck down you moron.Who comes up for the other all the time?They both move heaven and earth for each other, as far as they're able. Richard is aware he's not the easiest lover and tries to make up for it by granting any request Edward might make of him.Who gets more sad? Richard, especially on dates conjected with Anne-her death, of course, but also her funeral, her birthday, and their anniversary. Other times depression just kicks in for no obvious reason. Aumerle is very firm on those days- Richard had to get out of bed, break his fast, and go for a walk I the gardens if the weather's good, or o the battlements if its not. If he doesnt feel up to anything more than that, they can go back to bed, but generally Richard carries on with the day once he's been made to start it.Who' better at cheering the other up?Aumerle. Richard panics when Aumerle's upset and fumbles around trying to work out what to do, not realising that all Aumerle wants is to be held by him and have a sympathetic ear. He's learning, though- once Aumerle tells him thats the best thing he can do he does it, and he prioritizes it over everything else.Who's the one who playfully slaps the other for silly jokes.Neither. Richard used to roll his eyes and threaten Aumerle with banishment for assulting his ears, but stopped when he exiled Bolingbroke for real.Who is more streetwise/wise Neither, they're both useless. Next?Who's the shyest?Aumerle. It isnt too obvious, but he gets very nervous at social events and he replays every interaction in his head a million times, over analysing it and convincing himself he messed up. Richard takes care to murmer some variation of "youre doing really well im so proud of you" to him at some point during the evening, and has a standing arrangement with Bolingbroke that Henry will keep an eye on Ned and go rescue him if he needs to- its been in place ever since Ned first came to court and Henry actually sticks to it even more rigidly now its become clear that his cousins' bedsharing is no longer platonic. the way henry sees it The only person allowed to be mean to his baby cousin is him.Who boasts about the other more?...they dont actually tend to boast about each other? Defend each other to the death if the occasion arises, sure, but Richard would rather they be an open secret than open knowledge, it seems...safer, after how badly things went wrong with Robert, who Richard would enthuse about to anybody who would listen.Who sits in who's lap.Richard sits on Aumerle's. Its not the easiest of manouvers because Richard's ridiculously long limbs get in the way, but if he's feeling particularly tired he'll climb on to Aumerle's lap and nestle his head beneath Aumerle's chin in the hopes of getting his hair stroked.Ll