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orshii · 3 months ago

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☣︎Whispers of The Darkened Mist☣︎

☣︎ Pairing: Kim Hongjoong x female reader ☣︎ Word count: 8,8 k ☣︎ Warnings ☣︎ - cursing, mentions of death, injury, mentions of blood, suggestive

☣︎ Summary: The world is shrouded in a dark, venomous mist that makes survival nearly impossible. Alone and hunted by other desperate survivors, you were on the brink of giving up. But then, Kim Hongjoong's fearsome crew found you. Though Hongjoong seemed intimidating and distant at first, he secretly cared for you, even if he didn’t show it. Now, in a world where betrayal could mean the difference between life and death, will you be able to trust each other enough to survive?

Or will hidden tensions tear you apart before the world does?

☣︎ A/N: I would've never thought I was going to write something like this lol. This is really the first time for me. This is totally new territory for me and I tried my best istg, idk it just happened. Actually, it started because I dreamt about this world and I woke up saying I have to write something with this. I don't know if it even makes sense but I hope you enjoy it as much as I did while writing and I hope it's not so confusing, lmk. Also sorry for the mistakes I am really trying. I might return to this world with the other members *wink wink* (divider)

The world went quiet. Darkness embraced the streets and buildings, creating a bubble around the earth that whispered danger. The streets were empty along with the fields that were supposed to be full of wildflowers. But everything was black, it looked like hungry flames consumed the planet, leaving behind nothing but emptiness. The planet became more and more harder to survive for humans, they needed to adapt to the odd situation that came with not being able to breathe fresh air for too long.

The air was tainted with alchemical toxins, giving humans only a few minutes to find shelter where the air was filtered and cleaner than the toxic atmosphere outside.

It was tough, people's freedom was taken away the day when simultaneous terrorist attacks occurred worldwide. That we call the Black Day since. They filled the air with nuclear gas that came in the form of black smoke, which blinded the people immediately, because of how dense the smoke looked. Being too much in the smoke makes people feel dizzy, like they are a little drunk, feeling intoxicated from the venomous air spreading in their lungs like rivers all around a map. If the ones that were in the smoke for more than five minutes without a mask, their days ended for good. Specialized masks prevent the gas from getting into your lungs, but those are hard to get, and if you are not that lucky to somehow provide one for yourself, you are doomed. It's breaking into a lab that has a lot of these types of masks—but these are rare to find—or it's killing someone that has the mask.

This is the game of survivor. But this time it's not just a game.

It's already five years, five years of the world being in infinite darkness, the sun was already a forgotten phenomenon. More than half of the population was gone. No one could expect something like this. People who were still here were the strongest kind, it's not easy to survive five years in a world that was doomed for eternity. The world changed completely, it wasn't the type of survival where people needed to work to get money and to buy everyday necessities. It was the type of survival when people needed to fight for the things they needed, to search every inch of the cities that were ruined into specks of dust so they could find some supplies that they needed to survive.

If you were alone, you had no chance. People usually gathered together, because it was easier to survive along with others than being alone in the big and dark world that held only surprises for you. Being alone in the wild is like you are prey that has nowhere to run. People hunt for the lost ones because they have nothing better to do.

I had luck. A crew of random people found me on the top of a building unconscious, where I ran up to find shelter away from the smoke that was spreading through the air. In the beginning, there were places where the smoke still did not reach, it was spreading slowly, and after trying to survive for five months alone, being tired of the constant running away from the toxic air, that haunted me even in my nightmares. I stopped. I was on the verge of giving up. I was ready to let the fog consume me, to eat my soul and take me to a better place.

I was almost there, I could see the sun above me, which was beaming at me, embracing me in a tight and warm hug. I felt like finally I could rest and leave this world behind in peace.

But there was nothing like the sun above me and the warmth I felt was hands around me that pulled me up from the dirty ground on the top of a building that was so high, I could feel the warm beam of the sun.

That was the last time I felt the warmth of the sun. Since then, I had already forgotten how it felt and how the sky looked like when the sun was rising or setting down. The people who came to that exact building when I wanted to give up, slowly became my family. Felt like it was destiny. It needed to happen. It was a sign from life, that whispered I should fight until my last breath. And from that day, I decided I was not going to give up.

Kim Hongjoong was the leader of the crew. They saved me that day, Hongjoong lifted me into his arms and they took me to their base so I could survive. His sharp eyes were staring into mine when I was in a haze, trying to perceive what was happening. While I was recovering, I constantly saw his face in my dreams.

Surviving wasn't in my plan, those five months were torture, the worst days of my life, I had no food, and I needed to kill a little squirrel someday to get some strength from its meat. I needed to do a lot of things I could've never imagined I was capable of doing. The worst was when I needed to kill a woman, that had the mask I desperately needed.

This was life. To survive you need to do everything, and when our survivor instincts turn on, we can't turn them off. We become unstoppable and we lose our humanity. It drives us crazy until we can't think clearly. That was when I thought it was better if I gave up. But when they found me and did not let me die there, I realized, it wasn't my choice to die, if destiny wanted me to survive, then I was going to fight until my last breath. I owed my life to these people and one day I might get the opportunity to pay them back.

In theory, it was Kim Hongjoong who brought me to their base; it was his decision. But as the others later told me, he intended to leave me there to die. He argued that I wasn't their problem and wanted to abandon me. However, the others insisted on checking if I was still alive. Hongjoong was prepared to leave me behind, but the others refused, so he had no choice but to take me with them.

And since that day they became my family. Even though Hongjoong hated me for some reason, probably because he did not want someone new in their crew back then—especially a girl—he did some things that made me believe he did not hate me. For example, when they found me, he was the one who took me to their base in his arms—because he did not let anyone else do it.

Or times when it was my turn to explore an unknown sector of the city, Hongjoong never let me go alone. He always sent Wooyoung with me because of his exceptional archery skills—his arrows never missed their mark. Wooyoung was there to protect me if anything went wrong, and Hongjoong made sure I was safe at all times, even though he pretended not to care about me. At first, Hongjoong seemed unapproachable, with his strong charisma and the aura of a true leader. He was the reason everyone survived, always involving us in his plans and valuing our opinions. He was prepared for every possible outcome.

There were times when some strangers attacked our base because we had just been to collect the supplies along with some important masks we needed for survival. People knew about us; we were a strong unbreakable team and it was hard to break through.

And when they attacked us, it was a usual night. We were sleeping.

They managed to kill one of us. I am never going to forget that horrible day. It was a girl, who we saved just two weeks ago. I saw myself in her, he was as broken as me when they first found me on the top of that building. But when we found the girl, her eyes were shining and it was full of hope and with want of surviving, not like mine back then.

After the night they attacked us, we started to be more careful and did not trust anyone. People are here to survive; it was not a game where we could make allies with anyone. If you want to survive, you just destroy everything that comes your way. And that is why our world looks like it was destroyed by an army that looked never-ending, just to leave ashes behind.

Hongjoong always sent me out with Wooyoung, he was good at covering someone and letting you know if there were any dangers around you. Wooyoung's charisma was captivating and he radiated happiness in this sad empire. Wooyoung's nickname was The Hawk because he had eyes like a hawk. Sometimes when I wanted to tease him, I called him pigeon and he always pouted with his rosy lips with folded arms saying he is not a pigeon.

Wooyoung became my best friend since the first day Hongjoong sent us on a mission together. He taught me a lot of survival tactics and he even showed me how to use the bow. He was the closest to me, he was like my brother who I had not seen way before the Black Day, just like my family, and it hurt, it was like losing a piece of me, that belonged to my family. It is the worst when you don't know if they survived or not if they are in a better place or outside the cruel world trying to survive. I did not know which one was better.

We were in our bunker that was deep in the ground. This was the base of ours, where we could breathe, well—fresher air here than outside. It was built of concrete, the walls were huge and cold, and some pillars kept the weight of the building deep in the heart of the ground.

The huge hall where we were sitting, echoed the voice of Kim Hongjoong, our leader. He was standing in the middle of the room, us surrounding him. He was wearing his usual black fur coat, his black hair cut short, and his undercut as sharp as his jawline as I watched his side profile while he was speaking. With a lot of jewelry hanging from his ear, he looked intimidating and I would have given up instantly if I had run into him randomly on the empty streets. He was an interesting man. I have known him since they saved me, but he surprises me with every passing day. He was protective over his people; he would do anything for the ones who stood by him and followed him along this dark and bumpy road we were on.

I always respected him; five years is long. Our relationship was like a roller-coaster through the years. We had some times when we hated each other, and he made my stay a lot more difficult, as he always made me feel like I did not belong there. Like it was a mistake saving me. But also, there were times when he acted weird. This overprotectiveness of his came out a lot recently. And I did not know what to do with him. I couldn't yet figure him out. He was like a deep ocean full of secrets, some beasts lurking around in the dark. Kim Hongjoong was a monster and it was hard to quell him down. Especially if you betrayed him.

Like that one time, one year ago, when those people broke into our base and killed that innocent girl. It turned out there was a traitor between us. Someone betrayed us by allying with the enemy and revealing the location of our base—or so they thought. When we managed to eliminate them all, their leader, the last one standing, warned us to find Judas among us, then took his own life.

I have never seen Hongjoong like this. The veins on his forehead were visible, as he was shouting at us to tell him who betrayed us and whose fault was the girl's death. He was wearing his usual leather vest as he downed a glass of whiskey that flew down both sides of his neck, making him look like he was psychotic. His hands were still bloody from the fighting just like his face with some red stitches on it. He was furious, he trusted these people he called his family, but someone betrayed him and he went mad. Seonghwa, his best friend and our medic, tried to calm him down, but Hongjoong just pushed him away shouting at him to leave him alone. His best friend looked at him wide-eyed not recognizing the best friend he respected so much.

Seonghwa was already part of the crew when they took me in. He once saved Hongjoong's life, and ever since, Hongjoong promised to protect him if Seonghwa used his medical skills to help their people. Seonghwa was a calm and composed guy, never showing anger or sadness. He took his work very seriously and saved many of us over the years. Though he seemed cold, his charisma was rooted in deep care—his sole purpose was to save lives.

Then Hongjoong faced me. And I froze. It was like he was pointing a gun at me and I was just a little lost bunny in the depths of the forest.

"You," He pointed at me, his eyes shooting daggers right into my eyes, making them invisibly bleed. He slowly walked towards me. "You did this, didn't you?" He looked like a predator, and my heart started to beat fast afraid of getting caught. When he was standing in front of me, I avoided his gaze. If I had looked into his eyes, I might have started to cry, because I was terrified. Then I had no choice but to look into his eyes, because something sharp lifted my chin, forcing me to look into his eyes. It was his knife with a wooden handle.

I was just staring back at his eyes, and when I did not say anything, he pushed me into the room behind me with a force suddenly I saw black dots in my vision. And it wasn't better when he pushed me against the cold concrete wall, his veiny hands around my neck. The air was knocked out of my lungs and I tried to scrape his hands off my throat, but there was no point, he was much stronger than me.

"You have one second to explain, then I'm going to kill you with my bare hands." He hissed through his teeth, close to my face, his hands getting tighter around my throat.

I tried to breathe, but it was impossible, there was no way air could go through his hands that were chains around my neck. I tried to speak. "M-mfb" Some noises came out of my mouth but made no sense.

"Try harder, sweetheart." His hands squeezed more and my mouth fell open, his lips almost brushing mine. I looked at him wide-eyed, I was ready to die in between the arms that saved me.

But I didn't want to give him that satisfaction. "M-m my br-brother." The words stumbled out as a whisper, the air long gone from my lungs, his face close to mine was blurry as black dots appeared next to his black figure hovering over me.

Then a sudden wave of air hit me in the face like I was in the ocean and the waves crushed me against the sharp cliff that stubbed my lungs. I fell on the floor, on my knees, supporting myself with my hands, breathing heavily as I coughed blood on the floor. My lungs were full of air, yet I still couldn't breathe, I was on the verge of fainting. But I needed to explain.

"Th-they told me, they have my brother." I looked at the dusty ground I was kneeling on, as a tear fell from my eyes, the bloody dust getting wet from my teardrops. I looked up at him, I still felt his hands around my throat as he was standing further from me, leaning against a table. "But I did not tell them, where our base was, Hongjoong, please, believe me." My voice cracked as I looked up at him with begging eyes. "They must have followed me when we met at the bridge, I wasn't careful enough, forgive me." I tilted my head down; I couldn't look into his eyes full of disappointment and disgust.

He pushed himself off the table and approached my sobbing figure on the floor. I only saw his shoes in front of me. "I should kill you, sweetheart. How did you even believe them? Did I teach you to believe anything they say to you?" He kneeled, lifting my chin with his fingers.

I shook my head. "But I thought I saw him, that is why I followed them. I don’t even know what I was thinking, he could be dead, but I just hoped it was really him. And when they caught me, they promised they were going to let my brother choose if he wanted to come with me. But they wanted masks in exchange. I would do anything for my brother Hongjoong and you know that so well." I looked at him desperately.

“I know, you would even betray us,” He grabbed my cheeks and lifted my head straight to his face.

“No! I would never, just listen to me, please…” I looked up with tears in my eyes.

"What happened after?" His thumb traced over my cheek to wipe away my desperate tears.

"Then I told them I wanted to see my brother to make sure it was him—it wasn't him. So, I told them the deal was not valid anymore. They did not want to hear it, so they captured me and did not let me go. But I managed to escape, that was why I was late the other day from my exploring when you were so mad at me for staying out for so long…" I looked down at my hands on my lap, still kneeling on the floor, Hongjoong listening to me carefully, his expression getting softer but still angry. "I'm so sorry Hongjoong, you know I would never betray you and the others. You are my family, I know I made a big mistake, but for a moment I believed it was for real my brother, I was blinded by my feelings." Tears flowed down both my cheeks as I said with a weak voice, my gaze still on my hands.

"I'm glad we killed all of them." He said simply as I snapped my head up. "You should have told me though, you know you can tell me anything, sweetheart." He whispered cupping my cheeks.

"I-I know, but…I felt embarrassed of how naïve I was, they tricked me so easily, I don't want it to happen again." I wanted to be stronger, and the more I was with them, the stronger I became. "And that girl…she died because of me." I buried my face into my hands as I sobbed she was going to hunt me in my nightmares for eternity.

Hongjoong carefully withdrew my hands from my face to look into his eyes. "Sometimes we need sacrifices so we can learn from our mistakes. It happened, now we are moving forward, and you become stronger. Will you promise me?" His hands reached towards my black hair to tuck a string of hair behind my ear, his fingers tracing down on my red neck, his handprint fully visible on my skin, which is going to be red and blue reminding me of the mistake I made. I deserved it because an innocent girl died because of me.

I nodded. "I promise."

"Forgive me." He whispered suddenly. At first, I didn't know why he was apologizing but then his gaze was on my neck that mirrored perfectly the print of his hands around it.

"I deserved it," I whispered as he leaned down to kiss the redness.

"You deserve the world." He whispered in between warm pecks on my neck.

But the world was doomed anyway.

Since that day, I have become stronger. I did not let people fool me, to lead me towards the wrong way. Hongjoong's words echoed through my mind every time I needed strength, every time I felt like I might give up.

As we watched Hongjoong stand in the middle of the hall echoing his low voice, his black fur coat almost reaching the ground as he was wearing a black leather vest paired with black pants, the flashbacks from that night echoed through my mind as sometimes I still felt his hands around my long-healed neck. I always felt the urge to trace my fingers through my skin to calm myself down a little.

"We need to secure Sector 1 and Sector 2. Yesterday our exploring team said we are being watched again. We might have to move from here if we can't protect this base." Hongjoong turned around to look into every person's eye, who eagerly listened to Hongjoong's commanding words, then his eyes settled on mine and landed on my fingers that were on my neck. He must have noticed as it became a habit of mine and he seemed it bothered him. "Sectors 1 and 2 are around us, we need to set traps and even bombs, to slow the enemy." He averted his gaze quickly away from me as he continued.

It was funny how people were fighting against each other when it would be much easier to ally with each other and find a solution to this venomous fog that surrounds us all the time, like our nightmares that won't leave us since the Black Day.

"I can go to Sector 2 with Jongho!" San volunteered immediately.

"That sector is big, you are going to need help. I'm coming with you!" I said immediately as I knew that sector just as the back of my hand.

Hongjoong turned in my direction and looked at me sharply. "You are staying here!" He pointed at me.

"I explored that sector before; I can help them." I stepped closer to Hongjoong determined.

"We need you here on the base, Y/N! And this is my command!" His voice came out demanding as he hovered over me.

"Actually," I heard a voice coming from behind. "Y/N could really help us, we haven't been there once with Jongho, it's a new territory."

My eyes bored into Hongjoong's trying to convince him to let me go with them, as his eyes snapped between my eyes from left to right. "I want you to stay by my side, sweetheart." He whispered so the others wouldn't hear what he said his expressions seemed like he was worried.

"It's going to be okay; we did this a lot of times, we go out quickly, doing the usual and I'll come back to you, I promise. They need me out there Hongjoong." I looked up at him sounding confident, but deep down in my heart I was always afraid of going out, anything could go wrong.

He ran his fingers through his raven-black hair frustrated. "Okay, but Yunho is going with you!" He shouted so the others could hear him and they started to move to get ready. I wanted to turn to help the others pack but I felt a hand catching my wrist.

"It's not safe now out there, everyone wants our base and everything we have. Be quick, I need you here. I-I mean we—we need you here." He stuttered at the end as he scratched his nape a little shy. Wait a minute. The scary Kim Hongjoong who almost killed me, was shy?

"Oh, you need me, Kim Hongjoong?" I teased him as I bit my lower lip lifting my eyebrows.

"Shut up and go!" He said as his lips curved up barely visible.

"Now you want me to go or stay? I can't quite figure it out—" I said smiling at him pretending to be confused. I loved to tease him.

Then his hands were suddenly on my waist as he pulled me flash against his body. "I want you to go and come back to me." He whispered onto my parted lips his last word was like an arrow that landed right on my heart, making it bleed with a new feeling I had never felt before.

"Don't worry, you can't get rid of me that easily, Kim Hongjoong," I said close to his lips as I looked deeply into his eyes then pecked his right cheek and turned around leaving a stunned Hongjoong in the middle of the hall.

We started to pack some things we needed, especially weapons. Mingi was in charge of the weapons, he always knew what kind of gun or knife suited you. His charisma was always foolish a little, his eyes always bored into your soul and made you tell him everything. He was a reliable person. Yeosang on the other hand, who was responsible for the food, was a little cold, his charisma seemed nice, but I never had the chance to talk with him. He came with Mingi three years ago and he only opened up to him. Something very traumatic must have happened to them.

We were jumping over pieces of buildings and wrecked cars on the streets, our gas masks on as we were heading towards sector two. While discovering the sector with Yunho, San, and Jongho, we set off some traps so that if someone passes, they are doomed.

When we finished setting the traps we wandered a little out of that sector, and found ourselves in an unknown sector. We wanted to turn back immediately but then Yunho saw a 12-passenger plane. It was white and cute and Yunho wanted to drive it. He was not a pilot, in fact, he had no driver's license. But we somehow trusted in him and we knew it was a very important tool in discovering the city more. We needed it and Yunho was a guy, who was just naturally good at everything. His charisma was like sunshine that can turn into a storm rather quickly.

As he managed to turn it on without any difficulties, we pushed it to a clearing so it could fly, we settled into the seats and buckled in. I was sitting next to Yunho in the pilot seats, he checked the buttons if they were working or not, he was a very sweet guy.

Until some point.

He came with his lover, Hana, they were running away from the smoke when Hongjoong offered shelter for them. There was this one time when someone attacked his lover while we were out to explore the district we were in. As I said people are willing to kill for the masks we were wearing. They just wanted the mask and it happened to be Hana's.

The ones who attacked did not make it. Yunho killed all four of them with his bare hands until they couldn't move anymore. We had no chance to help, it happened in a blink of an eye.

Since that day I knew it wasn't good to play with Yunho's nerves. The girl was his weak point and he did anything to keep her safe.

Behind me in the passenger seats was San, who was a very buffed man, with wide shoulders and an intimidating charisma, everyone feared him who came his way, but in reality, he was just a cute guy, who loved to call Wooyoung pigeon as well. On the other side of the plane, Jongho, San's brother was sitting. He was also very muscular and carried a hammer as his weapon. Despite his imposing appearance, his charisma was sweeter than intimidating, unlike his brother's. Jongho was a man who did not speak a lot, he was similar to Yeosang, they both just observed from far away, but still coped with us easily.

The Choi brothers were unstoppable. They were the strongest links in the chain we created. Sometimes when the siblings bickered together it reminded me of my relationship with my brother and I felt jealous of them because they were there for each other, they could protect the other, but I just couldn't do it with my brother because I did not know where he was. Back then when I thought I saw my brother, hope blinded me until I was in danger. I could never let that happen. Not in this cruel world.

"It's pilot Yunho, welcome on board, we are getting off the ground in ten seconds," Yunho murmured into the microphone that was surprisingly working. We laughed at his bickering and breathed in when the machine started to move. The next thing I knew was us being up in the sky, flying through the black smog that was floating in the air constantly. My jaw dropped as I looked down, where I could barely get the shapes of the destroyed city, the buildings fallen apart, remains lying on the ground unmoving, the streets full of abandoned cars, and no living creatures in sight. I was in shock; it was totally a different point of view. As I looked further and further, as long as the fog let us. It looked horrible. Dystopian. Like it was a game where they dropped you into an abandoned city and you needed to survive. But sadly, it was not a game.

As we reached the end of the city heading towards our base, we spotted the ocean. We didn't even know we were next to an ocean the fog did not let us see it, it came in handy—maybe we could travel with ships, so we wouldn't meet with unpleasant people along the way.

Everyone was in silence as we tried to take in the view that wasn't the best in our lives. I looked down at the beach where I spotted a figure running, it looked like it was a girl, because her hair was flowing behind her and he was holding a gun wearing all black. I was so distracted watching her, that I did not notice the strange noises the plane made.

"What is happening?" San asked his voice getting worried.

"Don't worry, I can handle it," Yunho said as his face was focused, pushing some buttons on the console. He had no idea what he was doing.

"Oh my God we are going to die." Jongho's voice came from behind panicked.

I looked down, we were quite far away from the safe land, and my heart started to beat fast. There was no way it was going to end like this.

As Yunho pushed some buttons, it seemed the engine got to its full power again, and we released a sigh we all held on to that. But then suddenly the engine fully stopped and we didn't even have time to process what was happening. Only hold for our dear life, and pray to the Gods to save us. I looked at Yunho panicked who tried to control the plane to at least land in the ocean—which was safer than the dry land.

Then Yunho held my hands as I squeezed my eyes shut, not wanting to witness my own death. The next moment, I felt the collapse. It was overwhelming—an explosion of colors, and then everything went black.

The Black Day.

I was heading to my flat with my best friend from work after a tiring day when the chaos started. While we discussed with my best friend what kind of movie should we watch, that was the first time we heard the sirens. It was low and whispered danger. We did not pay much attention to it, as there were days when the city made some tests with these sirens.

But when we saw people run around panicked, my best friend held onto my arm, not wanting to let me go. Especially when the guards with scary big gas masks separated us, saying everyone needed to go to their district. I still remember the face of my best friend, when we cried trying to hold onto each other, she was heartbroken as we both cried, promising we were going to find each other. I never saw my best friend again.

When the guards told me to go home, I was lost. I wasn't in my hometown. My family lived miles away from me. I couldn't go home and see my family. I was a college student and it was my second year in university. I barely went home, because my family lived far away and I needed to work to pay my bills. It was hard not seeing my family only once a month.

But when I got close up with strange people in a crowded room, I have never felt that lost. I didn't know what to do and what was even happening. Then the people with the gas masks on came back and dragged us into a school bus to take us into an improvised survivor camp, where they only enlisted young and ambitious people. If there were children or old women, they transported them somewhere else and we never found out where they took them.

When the masked men told us what happened in the world and what are we doing there, I was full of anger and felt like I could burn the whole world down. Just as half of the population thought. And this is why the world now looked like it was in fact burned down.

The smoke was spreading unstoppably and no one knew how to stop it. So, people needed to adjust to this terrifying situation, they needed to survive. And in this survivor camp, they taught us how to do it. This was the reason I survived for five months alone. I was hoping somehow with a miracle happening I am going to meet with my family along the way. But I never saw my family again.

I was with my family; we were eating dinner. Everyone was smiling and laughing, my brother looked at me and said how proud he was of me. My mother held my hand and told me to keep going. Then I looked at my father whose face looked a little concerned, he opened his mouth to say something—wake up—but it wasn't his voice, it came from far away, I was confused as I still looked at my father's face.

WAKE UP! I heard again.

Y/N, WAKE UP!

Then I opened my eyes and sat up breathing heavily. My head was aching so bad I needed to close my eyes for a second, then I felt a painful stinging coming from my chest.

"Finally, Cinderella managed to wake up from her long beauty sleep." I heard a familiar voice that always made my heart relieved.

"Wooyoung!" I snapped my head up to look at him. His usual black framed glass was sitting on his tall nose, his sharp eyes were boring into mine, and he was wearing a light blue hoodie that hid his well-defined body well, paired with sweatpants. I hugged him close to me.

"Are you okay? Is everyone okay?" I asked starting to get panicked. I just realized I was in one of the base's rooms, where usually the injured ones were.

"The question is mine. Are you okay? You slept like a mummy, man. Seonghwa told us, you should wake up in a few hours but you just did not wake up, Y/N, you scared me…" His voice got low as he sat next to me on the bed. "You hit your head very bad and a few of your ribs are broken, but that should heal quickly now you are awake. Thank God." My best friend said as he looked down at his fidgeting hands, and I needed to smile at the fact of how worried he looked.

"I'm okay now, Woo," I said as I scooted closer to him and leaned my head against his as he turned towards me. Then I just hugged him again, because I loved him so much, I would burn the whole world down if needed, even though it was already burnt into ashes.

Then everything just flashed in images in front of my eyes. The plane. The falling. The crushing. The blackness.

I separated quickly from Wooyoung looking at him shocked. "W-what happened? Where are the others? Tell me they are okay Woo." Sudden emotions hit me and I was so scared something would happen with them.

"Hey, relax, Y/N. They are okay." He cupped my face into his hands as I sighed in relief. "Well…mostly."

"What do you mean?" I looked at him shocked, my heart rate at the highest.

"San and Jongho made it with smaller injuries. San broke his right arm and Jongho suffered a brain concussion, but it's slight so he is going to be okay." He said caressing my cheek to calm me down. "And Yunho…he is…he is in a coma. He hit his head severely and some nerves in his brain aren't functioning. It needs time to heal. It seems very serious but Seonghwa said let's not give up hope, he is a very strong guy, and he can fight this off." He wiped the tears away that escaped from my eyes.

We were so stupid; how could we think it was a good idea to take off a random plane without any knowledge of how to drive it? We were responsible for our lives and still, we just threw it away like it was garbage. I really hoped Yunho was going to be okay. No—not hoping, because I knew he was going to be okay.

"He is going to be okay, I'm sure." I nodded in determination as I said. "How's Hana?"

"She can barely keep up, but she is next to Yunho all the time."

"How did we get back here?"

"A girl found you and helped you. She said she was at the beach right when you crushed. You were lucky to crash into the ocean; it absorbed much of the impact. So, San was on the verge of fainting when she went to the plane to see if you made it. San told her where the base was and then she ran to our base to call us. But we were occupied a little back here." Wooyoung's face became frustrated.

"What happened here? The others?" One particular sharp face jumped into my mind and it seemed I couldn’t shake it off.

"Our base got attacked while you were away," Wooyoung said his expression getting sad.

"What? How? What the hell happened Woo?" I got up and ran my fingers through my hair stressed, ignoring the pain coming from my ribs.

"Some random people, who were well-armed, attacked our base and almost burned down the whole base. But we managed to fight them off. Oh my God, Y/N, I thought that's it. This is the end. But then these other guys came and helped us." He buried his face into his hands stressed.

"Who were they?" I asked feeling very thankful for those guys that saved my family.

"I don't know, they told us they came with good intentions and just wanted to ally with us. They call themselves Xikers or what, they are a bunch of kids but still helped us."

I felt relieved, if the base had been burnt down, that would have been the worst. And I was so thankful everyone was okay…well mostly okay. But I still didn't know one piece of information and it bothered me, boiling my veins with worry.

"Is-is Hongjoong okay?" I asked looking down at the ground as I needed to support myself on the table behind me.

Wooyoung stood up and walked towards me, he grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes with a sadness I had never seen before.

I shook my head. "Wooyoung don't do this." Tears appeared in my eyes.

"He's…" Wooyoung reached his hand towards my cheek to tuck my hair behind my ear. "Hongjoong is—"

Then I heard a door slam and I looked towards it and I saw him. Hongjoong was standing in the doorway with an angry expression that also showed clear signs of worry. He was wearing his black leather vest a black shirt under it paired with black pants, his hair messed up, and some black strings falling onto his forehead. I was speechless for a moment, but when I came to my senses, I let go of Wooyoung's hands and ran towards Hongjoong not letting him time to even blink I wrapped my hands around his neck and hugged him strongly.

"Hey, be careful, sweetheart, you’re injured," he murmured into the crook of my neck, his hands on my waist gently pulling me away to keep my broken ribs from pressing against him.

"I don't care, you are alive," I said into his ear almost tearing up.

"Why wouldn't I be?" He asked as he pulled away to look into my eyes caressing my cheeks with a frown.

"Wooyoung told me—well it seemed on his expression you were dead…" I looked next to me angrily, where Wooyoung was leaning against the table with a shit-eating grin.

"I didn't say he was dead, I'm just good at acting Y/N, I'm glad it worked." He giggled with a devil smile.

"Jung Wooyoung, I swear to God—you son of a pigeon." I escaped from Hongjoong's arms to chase Wooyoung and slapped him as he held an arm out as a shield.

"Okay, enough. Act yourself out Wooyoung." I heard Hongjoong's voice from behind me, his hands finding their way around my waist. I didn't see his expressions but seeing Wooyoung's told me enough as his smile faded quickly and he sprinted towards the door. I followed him with my eyes squinting my eyes at him. "Hongjoong got stabbed," Wooyoung shouted lastly before slamming the door.

I turned back to Hongjoong with wide eyes. "What the hell is he talking about?"

Hongjoong sighed. "It's not a big deal." He turned away and walked towards the table next to the bed. He always did this, he always turned away when something was about him. He always cared about the others but not about himself.

"How is it not a big deal when you got fucking stabbed?" My voice got higher. I just wanted to scream at his face to not turn away from me. I walked towards him, slowly approaching him. He supported himself on the table looking down at it, his wide back facing with me. I was next to him as I saw his face, his eyes closed, his undercut showing. He looked like he was in pain, not just physically.

I reached my hands towards his chin to slowly, carefully lift it. He looked so vulnerable I was scared I might break him. When he looked at me, I saw so much pain in his eyes. He went through a lot. His family died in front of his eyes. The smoke killed them and his family shouted at him to run and to survive. I knew this was what kept him going. But after five years, only their faded memory remained. What was the reason for him to keep going?

I caressed his cheek like my hands were a feather, scared his skin might fall apart. "Where did you get stabbed?" I whispered looking into his eyes that looked so divine, that I was ready to fall on my knees.

He looked away for a moment. "On my back," He scoffed. "It's so embarrassing, I can't watch my back for a second and this happens…"

I felt worried as I looked at his face it seemed he was really ashamed of it. "Hongjoong look at me," I tilted his head towards me to look into my eyes. "It's embarrassing for the person who did it. They couldn't face you because they knew they wouldn't make it alive if they did."

"Well, they didn't make it either way." His lips curved up a little and mine as well at that.

"Take it off!" I demanded holding his vest in my hands, feeling the leather material under my touch.

He just looked at me a little confused.

"I want to see your wound, Hong."

He just nodded and grabbed my hand to slowly take it off his body, so he could unbutton the vest, his sharp eyes never leaving mine. My heart was in my ears, I couldn’t hear the usual noises of the base coming from the other rooms. I only saw Kim Hongjoong in front of me as he unbuttoned his black shirt as well after throwing the vest on the floor. He slowly took off the shirt his upper body now fully on the sight. His abs were well-defined, his chest full of strength where a tattoo of a sneak's head was hissing at me. I reached my fingers towards the snake's head to trace the tattoo as I looked at it. Hongjoong's gaze still bored into mine. I followed the snake's figure with my finger as it came from his back, and then I walked behind him, still following the snake with my finger all over his back. My fingers traveled through the snake's length as I felt Hongjoong shiver under my touch. The snake circled all over Hongjoong's back, ending on his chest where the sneak’s head was.

I always admired the tattoo whenever I saw it, while he was working out or just changed. But I never got the opportunity to touch it, and that was one of my most wanted desires. Then there was the stab, it was stitched carefully, Seonghwa doing a good job as always, some white ointments were all over it, so it wouldn't get inflamed. I circled the wound with my finger as I heard him hissing. I leaned down a little to leave a healing kiss above it.

"So, it's going to heal faster," I whispered warmly onto his skin.

"Sweetheart," I heard his desperate voice coming from above.

I did not stop leaving kisses all around his back, following the line of the snake on his back, as I got up to his nape kissing it. My arms circled his abdomen as I left one last kiss on his neck, putting my chin on his wide shoulder. He leaned his head against mine as he kissed my temple. "Thank you," He whispered as he took my hands from his abdomen and turned around to cup one side of my cheek, his other hand on my waist pulling me close to him. I bit my lower lip as my body got hotter, my heart beating unstoppably. He looked into my eyes like I was his whole world, even though it was doomed into a speck of dust.

"I was so worried, Y/N, I thought you would never come back to me." His eyes were full of emotions and with tears.

"I said it's not easy to get rid of me." I smiled at him as I felt his fingers trace through my face.

He smiled at that too and traced his fingers through my temple, where I felt a little stinging, I didn’t even notice I got injured there as well. Then his warm lips were on my wound again.

"So, it's going to heal," His lips curved up into a sincere smile that I have never seen. It cured everything inside me, it didn’t matter if I was injured, his smile healed everything inside and outside of me. Then his hands traveled down to my waist and went under my T-shirt, touching my skin with his warm fingers.

"Let me see your wounds, Y/N," He whispered close to my lips, his eyes so genuine, that he made me trust him. I always did, since the day they found me on the top of that building.

I just nodded, signaling to him I trusted him. His fingers grabbed the hem of my oversized white T-shirt and lifted it very carefully, looking into my eyes the whole time. When he took it off, I was standing in front of him half-naked. We were now equal as both of us were standing in front of the other in a vulnerable state and were injured, yet full of passion that made our pain go away.

His eyes landed on my chest and on my ribs where a bandage was wrapped around my torso. There were a few black and blue marks under my ribs. Hongjoong traced his fingers through them carefully so as not to hurt me. Then he kneeled and looked up at me from there, his eyes questioning if he was allowed to touch me. I just nodded as words simply couldn't escape my mouth.

Hongjoong then leaned against my warm skin and left soft pecks on the blue marks. My chest was rising up and down quickly as I felt like I was in heaven. His lips traced above my ribs, on my chest, leaving healing kisses there, then he stood up and kissed my neck where once his hands were wrapped around when he almost sent me to the other world. Since then, he just couldn't stop apologizing for that move, saying it wasn't him and he would never hurt me. I forgave him because I truly deserved that and because he made me stronger, he made me keep going instead of my family. He was my family. They were my family.

“I’m jealous of Seonghwa because he got to see you like this before I did.” He whispered onto my lips in a possessive way and cupped my face.

As he caressed my cheeks I looked up into his eyes and after five years I felt like I was at home, home that gave me safeness and warmth in this cruel and cold world. When his warm lips met mine, it felt as if the world healed around us. The darkness faded away, and the sun emerged once more, casting warmth over a world that had been cold for five years.

The last time I felt this warm was when Hongjoong held me in his arms when I was on the verge of dying. That was the last time I felt the sun come out between the dark mist. He was my sun that we couldn't feel anymore.

His lips gave me warmth as they moved against mine, I wrapped my hands around his neck as he turned me around to lift me at the table. I wrapped my legs around his torso as he was holding me by my waist, squeezing it, making me let out a quiet moan as his hands squeezed a black mark on my stomach. My hands traveled down his chest and then to his back where I felt the snake as it almost circled my wrist. I felt his wound that I traced with my finger and he let out a hiss on that and sucked my lower lip between his teeth, making it almost bleed as I hissed at that too. He captured my lips in a deep possessive kiss, that made me part my lips and let his tongue dive into my mouth. Our tongues met with each other and danced along to our heartbeats as I let out a moan. I bit his lower lip as we fought for a little dominance, he let out a low groan at that, kissing me deeply like he was obsessed with me and could never get enough of me. I felt the same because I wanted to be with him in this dark and cruel world, to be his reason to keep going now that his family was just a memory. I wanted to be his reason to survive.

And he was mine.

When our eyes met again, his gaze was filled with desire and emotions that mirrored my own. Emotions that connected us, that made us feel like we belonged to each other in this cruel world, so we could fight together against the bad. That came in the form of a dark mist that always whispered you promises, promises that said it's going to be better if you die. But dying isn't the solution. Survival was the only solution here and it did not matter how long you needed to survive, you had to because there were people who counted on you, people who were the reason to survive.

Survival wasn’t about the world anymore. It was about the people you encountered along the way, those who became your family amidst the dark mist that whispered of unachievable desires. But if you fight for it, you can achieve anything. I was determined to stand with Hongjoong and the others, so we could save the world one day.

(Ateez masterlist)

Yunho's part-> Demons of The Darkened Mist

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the-bi-space-ace · 7 months ago

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Okay I’m going to talk about cutting off Crosshair’s hand because while I know plenty of people see a lot of symbolism in it and think it was a good decision I have things to say about it.

I have CPTSD which has a lot of different symptoms. One of them is trembling or shaking. There’s a lot of complexities tied up in it but I’m not going to go into more detail because it’s not a fun thing to talk about.

What I liked about Crosshair’s trauma was that it impacted him not only mentally and emotionally but also physically. It’s very representative of what it’s actually like dealing with symptoms from something like PTSD and CPTSD (there are differences between these two that I won’t go into rn). I loved that we got to see a physical symptom of something psychological. It’s so rare that it’s handled well. Because yeah meditation and safety will help, certainly, but oftentimes it’s not the end all be all. I’m safe. I’m protected. I take care of my mental well being. But I still have symptoms that say the opposite. Because it’s not as simple as ‘no longer in the bad situation therefore the symptoms will stop’. I’ve made my peace that it’s lifelong and, honestly, Crosshair’s symptoms would be lifelong as well.

Cutting off his hand…

Here’s the thing.

The show really makes it seem like cutting off his hand is something he needed to move forward. He needed to be rid of the symptom because it was a physical reminder and it was holding him back from moving on. Cutting off the hand means no more shaking which means he’s healed. No more shaking hand=no more trauma. He can finally move on with his life.

And to that I say ouch.

There’s been plenty of times my symptoms are inconvenient to myself or others. Times when I wish I could just make it stop. Times when I’m terrified that it’s holding me back and I’m screwed up and that’s all I’ll ever be: broken. There are plenty of times I know people wish i could just knock it off and get over it and cut it out but that’s not how it works. Like I said. I’ve made peace with this thing that’ll be with me forever.

It was refreshing to see him try to adapt to dealing with it instead of ignoring it or trying to get rid of the part of him that was hurting. I loved that. It was such a freeing thing to see. Someone who will live with the hurt and the symptoms and it doesn’t make him any less. It just makes him have to do life a little different.

I hate that they cut off his hand. I hate that it wasn’t handled with any sort of nuance or delicacy. And I hate that this thing that made me so proud of him, so proud to share something with him, just got cut off for… what? Shock? To ‘fix’ him?

If we had gotten more time with the loss of his hand maybe I’d feel differently. Hell, I’d love to see how Crosshair adapts to losing his hand, see how he learns to accommodate. It would give him and Echo something to bond over and talk about, finding healing with each other. I think this could’ve been done well. I’d still be on the fence about it but I would’ve held my breath and saw how it played out.

I fully expect people to roll their eyes at me here. I expect that people will say that I just don’t get it or that this isn’t what they intended. I’m sure this isn’t what they intended. At least I hope it isn’t. But what they intended doesn’t change how insensitively this was handled after a whole season of him unpacking his hurt and trying to learn to adapt to it. No one reacted to it, not even Crosshair, and we got no unpacking of what happened. I’m not happy with this but it is what it is I guess.

#space chatter #the bad batch #tbb crosshair #tbb spoilers #tbb season 3 #idk what to say other than ouch #feel free to disagree #this is just how I’m feeling rn #maybe I’ll write something nuanced in fic form about this one day #and I’ll feel better #but for now I’m getting my week of sadness out of the way #before I move on to continue writing and ignoring the parts of canon I don’t like #it just stings is all #tw ptsd #tw cptsd

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rd0265667 · 3 months ago

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Seulgi x Reader: Dream Girl

Permanent Taglist: @cwpiqwon @justme-idle

A/N: It's fluff I swear

To most people, dreams are like fleeting wisps of fantasy—moments of escape where the laws of reality bend and shift, offering a brief respite from the mundane. They speak of dreams as whimsical adventures, an occasional playground for their subconscious. They speak of dreams with joy, piecing together the intermittent adventures they would concoct in their brains. Their dreams bring them to lands unknown and bring them joys untold. There's a theory that dreams are a glimpse into the lives of your multiversal counterparts, your doppelgangers. Well, if that were true, you pitied the poor fools across the multiverse; your doppelgangers had to be going through hell.

See, while others had dreams, you only had terrors. Nightmares came to haunt you, night after night. It was a rare night to get more than 3 hours of sleep. While it did take some time, you did adapt to it. You didn't enjoy it, but well, beggars and choosers and all that. You set alarms around 2 hours in, hoping that you'd be pulled out of your sleep before any nightmares came. To make up for the lack of sleep, you resorted to snacking constantly and eating small amounts of food to make up for your lack of energy. Naturally, this brought up quite a few other problems. This did come with it's perks, though. As a corporate worker, one doesn't exactly have much personal time for R&R. So in the ungodly hours where everyone you knew slept, you stayed up, binge-watching any content you could find. Kpop, to be exact. You basically just binge-watch K-pop content at night—various shows, music shows, music videos, anything. Not exactly an awe-inspiring or particularly jaw-dropping talent, but well, it had its moments to shine. Particularly, a radio show, where your recognition of Ice Cream Cake within the first second of the song earned you a prize that many others had failed to obtain despite spending thousands on albums. A small intimate fan meet amongst Red Velvet and 100 lucky fans. Maybe your nightmares were actually real life, and life was a dream. Listen, if you could meet Red Velvet, you'd take whatever came with it. It seemed that the powers that be, decided to test that statement, as you excitedly hopped into bed, brimming with anticipation at meeting your idols tomorrow. You always turned your alarm clock on, you always did, right?

As you opened your eyes, you found yourself in a foreign room, framed works of arts lining every square inch of the walls around you. The room was dimly lit, shadows flickering against the walls like malevolent spirits, the only thing keeping you from complete darkness were the candles, desperately flickering as it tried its best to keep the room lit. You stood in the centre of the room, cold sweat pouring down your face, your breath coming in short, panicked gasps. The air was thick and oppressive, carrying a nauseating stench of decay that made your stomach churn. You knew in your gut that something was wrong. You’ve made it a point to always have your alarm set, and it pulls you out before anything happens right? You couldn’t be that careless right?

Well, you alway enjoyed proving yourself wrong.

Without warning, the walls began to close in, the room shrinking around you. You tried to move, but your feet were rooted to the ground, as if the floor had turned to quicksand, dragging you down. Panic surged through you as the winds grew stronger, extinguishing the candles, and the darkness crept closer, the shadows morphing into monstrous, writhing shapes that seemed to reach out with clawed hands.

A low, guttural whisper echoed, repeating your name over and over, each iteration louder and more insistent, filled with a sinister glee, followed by a loud cackle. You strained to see where it was coming from, but the source remained hidden.

Out of the corner of your eye, a figure emerged from the darkness. It was unfamiliar yet grotesquely horrifying, a twisted amalgamation of nightmares. Its eyes were hollow, pits of endless darkness that swallowed all light. Its mouth stretched into an unnatural grin, revealing rows of razor-sharp teeth. It reached out with skeletal hands, fingers elongating and curling like the legs of a giant spider.

You tried your best to stay calm. You had enough experiences with nightmares to know that however realistic it felt, it was all fake, and it would be over soon. The walls were almost touching you now, the space so confined you could barely breathe. The figure's icy fingers brushed your face, their touch burning like acid, sending waves of agony through your body. Their whispering voice was right in your ear, speaking in a language you couldn't understand, yet the words filled you with an overwhelming sense of dread and despair.

Breathe, just breathe. It would all be over soon. Just breathe

Just as the walls were about to crush you, everything stopped. The figure vanished, the walls receded, and you were left alone in the now cavernous, empty room. The silence was deafening, but it was short-lived. The ground beneath you began to crack and crumble, and you started to fall into an abyss of endless darkness, the wind howling in your ears as you plummeted into the void.

You reached out, grasping at nothing, feeling the cold, slimy tendrils of something unseen wrapping around your limbs, pulling you deeper. The whispers grew louder, now a cacophony of voices screaming your name, each one more frantic and desperate than the last.

You bolted up from your bed, shirt soaked in sweat, panting heavily as your chest heaved up and down, looking to your phone in regret. You should have just remembered to set that damn alarm. Great Start to the day. At least this one was a tame one.

With your fashion sense limited to dress to impress, and you still being thrown off by that nightmare, you decided to forgo any flashy attire, opting instead for a simple outfit, throwing on a baggy hoodie and some jeans, then heading out to the event. Once you reached the auditorium, you saw quite a large crowd already gathered, some assumedly being dispatched or some fans hoping to get lucky and see the idols in real life. Walking up to the entrance, you were stopped by two security guards, who, after verifying your ticket, quickly ushered you into the venue. Quickly grabbing a seat, you look up to the stage, and immediately you're struck in awe of the sight in front of you. Of course, you had seen them online before, and you had spent countless hours gushing to your friends over how pretty they were, but seeing them in person and so close was a whole different kind of ethereal. And amongst this collage of beauty and almost angelic perfection, one stood out to you. The other members looked good, that you couldn't deny, but Kang Seulgi just had this aura about her, and you found it hard to rip your eyes off of her. You could almost swear she locked eyes with you for a moment. For a moment, that took your mind off that horrible nightmare. Just for a momentAs the event kicked off, you were ushered to the front of the stage, feeling your heartbeat accelerate as you got closer to the stage, clutching the Red Flavour album tight against your chest. Walking up to the first seat, you were greeted with a warm smile by Wendy. You shared a quick conversation with her, talking about how much you loved her music. Catching on to your nervousness, Wendy let out a slight chuckle. "Take a deep breath, What's your name?" Wendy asked "Y/N" You mumbled out, embarrassed at having been caught going into fan mode. "Thank you for all your support, Y/N. I appreciate every one of our fans, and I look forward to releasing more songs for you guys to enjoy!" Wendy replied, motioning to your album, taking the cap off her pen. This continued with the other 3 girls, though the interactions varied, Yeri and Joy being more playful, while Irene, while still interacting, was more laid back, letting you do more of the talking. Finally, you reached the one who you'd been almost bubbling over in excitement to meet. As you reached Seulgi, before you could even say anything, Seulgi looked straight into your eyes. before quickly grabbing you by the hand. "You look tired." Seulgi said, worry evident in her tone. You did try to answer, you really did, but with Seulgi's hand on yours, her eyes locked on yours, your words couldn't leave your throat. "Are you okay Y/N?" Seulgi asked, looking worriedly at you. With a hard gulp, you force yourself to focus, slowly wiggling your hand away from under Seulgi's hand in an attempt to force your brain to rewire itself. Worried, Seulgi looked to her manager in a corner, beckoning her over to bring a bottle of water for you. "Thank you." Was all you could mumble, taking a seat as your eyes darted around wildly, from Seulgi's auburn locks, to her soulful eyes, there really was nowhere you could look without being entranced by her. "Your fatigue, is it a common thing?" Seulgi asked, akin to a therapist or medical professional more than an idol. "Yeah, but it's not a medical condition, it's just, I get nightmares. I don't really get more than 3 hours of sleep a night" You explain, nervously fidgeting, unable to maintain eye contact with her. "Oh, you poor thing, I'm sorry to hear that. How do you even cope with this? Have you talked to anyone about all this?” Seulgi asked, leaning in closer to you.

“I usually listen to Kpop, but sometimes, I’ll just go to the beach near my house and just listen to the waves, maybe have some cookies, it helps. About telling others…I’ve mentioned it, but nobody really takes it seriously. I don’t want to get any special treatment for it either, so I tend not to talk about it unless anybody asks. You must think I’m some kind of weirdo.” You begin to mumble. Who needs nightmares when you have adolescent brats who could make fun of anything? “Nonsense, we all have our own problems, and it’s not like this is within your control. Stay strong, I’m sure there will be someone to help you soon.” Seulgi said, giving you a small smile as she reached out, gently squeezing you on your shoulder. “I’ve tried, Seulgi, it’s been a long time, at some point, you adapt instead of overcome.” You said, downtrodden, the most recent slip up induced nightmare still sending chills down your spine. “I have a good feeling about it. Trust me.” Seulgi said with a smile. It’s a curious thing, this has been said to you multiple times, many many times, parents, teachers, friends who were understanding, therapists, many, many people. And to be frank, after the first 3 or 4 times, you had kind of lost hope. They were just being nice, and you understood that. It’s not like they would say, “You’re stuck with this now, now scram kid, I want to watch Shark Tank.”, so you always took their words at face value, just a wish, and a hope for a better tomorrow. However, now, as you looked into the eyes of Kang Seulgi, international superstar, renowned kpop idol, there was a resolute hope, a belief even that what she said was true. Wow, you thought to yourself. Kang Seulgi was out of this world. The manager whispered to Seulgi, gesturing to the line that had begun to form behind me. “One moment.” Seulgi said to her manager, before Seulgi hastily grabbed your album, signing it. ‘Wishing you all the luck in overcoming your afflictions. I’ll be with you all the way, whether through our music, or in my thoughts. Your Dream girl(and better be your favourite), Kang Seulgi <3)”

“Woah” Is all you could mutter as you crashed onto your bed, reading what Seulgi had written on your album for what had to have been the hundredth time of the day. Or the thousandth, you’d lost track to be very frank. Could there really be a solution to your nightmares? Perhaps, but that was a problem for another day. Now, you sleep. The little sleep you can get anyways. Turning to your side, you set an alarm for 2 hours. Perhaps Seulgi was right, but unfortunately, you weren’t gonna risk another night terror at the assurance from a Kpop idol. Perhaps soon, not now.

As you tucked yourself into your bed, and drifted into your deep sleep, you sat up, hand moving to your phone, shutting the alarm off, before falling back into the bed, in a slumber all the while.

For the second time in as many nights, you sat up, this time finding yourself in a transparent room in the middle of the ocean, waves crashing around you, the symphony of silence chiming in your ears, the only thing audible being the crest and trough of the waves. This was calm. This was great. This was wrong.

You looked around, confusion stirring. Looking at the room, you saw a table with two seats, one seat occupied by a woman, who slowly sipped a cup of water as she admired the sea. Before you could ask anything, the woman spoke. “Do you like this? I scanned your subconscious, and this was an environment you found relaxing.” The woman’s voice was familiar. Too familiar. You recognised that voice. “Seulgi?” You say in disbelief. The woman ignores you, continuing to sip her water, as she beckoned you to a seat opposite of her, across the table

What the hell was going on? Was this a nightmare? This was definitely different from the nightmares you were accustomed to.

“This isn’t a nightmare, that much I can promise you. Trust me 0n this. Take a seat and I’ll explain.” Looking around, you tried to take in as much as you could as you moved to the vacant seat. You somehow overslept again, but instead of a nightmare, you were stuck in something more akin to a dream, with a lady you’d assume was similar to an oneiroi. The lady, who looked exactly like Kang Seulgi. None of this made sense. “I’m not an oneiroi, though I’m impressed you know about oneiroi. And before we go on, yes, I can hear what you’re thinking. Any other questions?” The lady said with a smile, snapping her fingers, a cup full of hot chocolate, your go-to drink by the beach, suddenly appearing in your hand. “What are you? How is this happening?” “Well, before anything, I apologise for taking so long. A peek into your subconscious shows how much suffering you’ve been through. And for your questions, I’m akin to a technician. I’m here to fix your nightmares, but it’s a long job, so while you sleep, instead of nightmares, I’ll be here. I can make this room anything, a batting cage, a movie theatre, whatever you need to relax. And when you wake up, you’ll feel well rested, as if you slept through the entire night.” Looking at her, your mind raced with the possibilities of all that could happen. Was this real? If this was real, it’ll finally be over, the sleepless nights, the 2 hour sleeps, the nightmares. You didn’t know if you could place your full faith in this. Then, your mind instantly bolts to the next question. “Why do you look like Seulgi?” You asked, and just as the woman was about to answer, you raised your hand, the answer seemingly having come to you. Seulgi had left a deep impression on you after that fanmeet, and with all that talk about helping your nightmares go away, all of that must have made your mind associate Seulgi with fixing your nightmares. That made sense. Clearly sensing your thoughts, the woman let out a light giggle. “You’re quick.” She quipped, causing you to shrug. “Well, if I’m to spend my time here with you, what do I call you?” You asked “Whatever you want.” “Would you mind if I called you Seulgi? That’s who you took your likeness from, and I’d probably end up calling you that anyways.” You asked, the woman nodding in agreement. “Alright, Seulgi, how long does this dream last? And can you make this place, like a nice old timey diner.” You asked, Seulgi nodding, snapping her fingers, and just like that, the room around them was morphed into a diner, as you found yourself in a small cubicle in the diner, sitting opposite to Seulgi. In front of you was your favourite food, a good bowl of Jjangmyeon, while Seulgi had a plate of Kimchi Tuna Fried Rice. “See that clock there?” Seulgi gestured to the wall clock, showing 10 minutes left. “Each of these dreams will last 2 hours. You lost some time on this one since I spent some time getting you here. When the time runs out, you’ll wake up at 0700 in this case. You need to spend a minimum of 2 hours here for any work to get done, so do account for it. You’ll have to at least get 4 hours of sleep for the next few months, how many exactly, I can’t be sure.” You nodded in understanding, making a mental note to make sure you changed your sleeping habits. “Seulgi, can I ask a favour of you?” You ask, slowly eating the bowl of Jjangmyeon.

“Shoot.” Seulgi replied. She knew what you were going to ask, but, well, this facilitates human interaction more. “Seeing as I’m going to spend quite a bit of time here, you’re going to be my only companion. For us to hang out, well somewhat normally, considering you’re basically an angel, could you not read my mind? At least that way, I can feel like I’m talking to a friend, and not an omniscient being.” You ask, Seulgi returning a small smile. “Of course. If that’ll help you relax more, by all means.” Seulgi said, before snapping her fingers As the time passed, you began to ask Seulgi questions, to which she answered with an amused smile all the while. “What are you? Are you a figment of my imagination? Or are you some sort of extraterrestrial, or supernatural?” You asked, before hearing a buzz from the clock. Hearing that, Seulgi let out a light giggle. “Oh well, questions for tomorrow night.”

You sat up in shock, finding yourself back in your bed. Wow, this was…wow. It was a foreign feeling but you felt rested, invigorated. You could get used to this.

“You’re looking chipper. What song is that anyways?” Lucy commented, letting out a light snicker as she watched you by the copier, humming a tune while you scanned some documents. “There’s no way you don’t know Cosmic. By Red Velvet? No? That’s kind of disappointing Lucy.” You commented as she shrugged, then rolled her eyes, taking a sip of coffee before heading back to her desk. So this was what working on a full night of sleep feels like. It’s great. Well, as great as working a corporate job can be.

As the night dawned, you laid in your bed once more, about to shut your eyes, just before you felt a wave of insecurity rush over you. What if last night was part of a bigger nightmare, give you a sense of false hope before showing you that rock bottom indeed had a basement? “This isn’t a nightmare, that much I can promise you. Trust me 0n this.” Seulgi, or technically Fake Seulgi’s words echoed in your mind. Could you trust her? Your finger lingered over the alarm app. A few seconds later, you sighed. In for a penny. Setting your phone to the side, you turned your lamp off, going off into sleep.

“Welcome back.” was all you heard, finding yourself in what looked to be a cosy home theatre. Looking around, you saw a widescreen TV, and a small two seater couch. “What’s this?” You ask, looking confusedly at Seulgi, who simply smiled. “Deadpool and Wolverine. I know you’ve been meaning to watch it but you haven’t been able to get tickets for it, so here.” Seulgi says with a smile, patting the seat beside her, two buckets of popcorn in her hands. “Oh, nice.” You say in jubilation. You rush towards the seat, Seulgi handing you the bucket of popcorn, before snapping her fingers, the opening sequence then beginning to play. Everything seemed normal, but all of sudden, you feel a hand slide on your arm, looping around yours, causing you to tense up. What was happening? You turn to your side, seeing Seulgi stare at the screen nonchalantly, as if her arm wasn’t looped around yours. “Everything okay?” Seulgi asked sweetly, in a way that made you almost certain she knew what she was doing. “Fine.” Was all you could say, causing Seulgi to giggle, going back to watching the movie. Would you really make Seulgi so flirty with you in your mind? Would you? Yeh, sounds about right. This was wrong though, and you knew it. Your heart rate accelerated, and you felt a crimson blush across your face. All this, for a fake imagined version of a Kpop idol you could only dream of even watching a movie together. It was wrong, and it had to stop.

Easier said than done, however. Especially when Seulgi looks at you the way she does, trapping you in her dark hazel eyes, showing you universes you had no clue even existed. It also didn’t help how clingy Seulgi was during the movie. Oh well, it’s probably just a one time thing, the next one would probably be the two of you just chatting like a couple of friends. Well, right and wrong.

You guys had many hangouts, but some stuck out more than the rest

In the dimly lit café, the ambiance is warm and inviting. Seulgi is seated at a corner table, her face illuminated by the flickering candlelight. You join her, and she greets you with a smile that seems to light up the entire room.

Seulgi leans in slightly, her voice playful. "I was hoping you'd come by. This place has the best coffee. Have you tried it?"

You smile, feeling a flutter of excitement, before rolling your eyes playfully. “Wow, tooting your own horn huh? Never pegged you for a self indulgent type.” “What can I say? I’m the best.” Seulgi says with a smile, causing you to playfully shove her, laughing at her faux confidence

As the conversation flows, you find yourself drawn to her laughter and the way she engages with you. Her presence makes everything feel more vibrant. She teases you about your taste in books, and you playfully banter back, though you use real life information on Seulgi instead of what you know of this Seulgi.

Another night, the scene shifts to a moonlit park. The path is lined with glowing lanterns, casting a golden light over the surroundings. Seulgi walks beside you, her dress fluttering with the gentle breeze.

Seulgi nudges you playfully as you stroll along the path. “I’ve never understood the hype around night strolls.”

"Have you ever noticed how peaceful everything feels at night? It’s like the world slows down just for us." “Umm, I’m not real? What are you saying?” Seulgi giggles as she playfully flicks you on the forehead, causing you to smile, but also pulling you out of the moment. Your feelings for this Seulgi was undeniable, but how could you feel that way for someone who was nothing more than a spectre of your own imagination? “Are you okay?” Seulgi gently asked, this time more gentle and careful, seeing the change in your demeanour. “Yeh.” You said with a forced smile, continuing to walk through the makeshift park

You talk about everything and nothing as you walk. She shares whimsical stories, and you respond with your own tales, each of you enjoying the other’s company.

Every now and then, she’d glance at you with a soft smile. The way she leaned in slightly when she spoke, or the way she let her fingers graze yours as you walked, created a sense of closeness that was both comforting and disorienting. You found yourself caught between the peace of the moment and the unsettling, terrifying reality of being in love with someone who didn't exist.

In another dream, you find yourselves at a bustling carnival. The air is filled with the sounds of laughter and carnival games. Seulgi is by your side, her eyes bright with excitement.

She tugs you towards a game booth, her voice filled with enthusiasm. "Let’s see if you can win me that plush toy! I’m counting on your skills."

You accept the challenge with a grin, the playful competition adding to the joy of the evening. As you win the plush toy and hand it to her, she laughs, her eyes sparkling. "I knew you had it in you!"

“Did you rig the game?” you asked with a chuckle, raising an eyebrow at Seulgi.

She grinned mischievously, wrapping her arms around the plush toy. “Who knows? Maybe I just wanted to see you win. Sometimes, a little magic can make things more fun.”

“Thanks for this though.” Seulgi whispered, gesturing to the plush, getting on her tiptoes, placing a soft kiss on your cheek.

As you stood stunned, she laughed, laughing as she pulled you to the Ferris wheel

You both ride the Ferris wheel together, sharing a quiet moment as you look out over the carnival below, the lights glimmering from the ground as you sat conflicted, attempting to combat your burgeoning feelings

Another night, you’re in a serene garden at twilight. The air is filled with the scent of blooming flowers, and the garden is bathed in a soft, golden light. Seulgi is with you, her presence calming and serene.

You sit on a bench, surrounded by the beauty of the garden. Seulgi turns to you, her voice gentle. "Isn’t it amazing how some places just feel right? Like they were meant to be experienced with someone special."

You nod, feeling the warmth of her presence. "It does feel like that. I’m glad we’re here together."

Seulgi rests her head on your shoulder, allowing your mind to wander far and wild

“This is really nice,” you said softly, almost to yourself. “It feels like the world has slowed down just for us.”

Seulgi tilted her head slightly, her voice barely above a whisper. “I’m glad you think so. Sometimes, it’s these quiet moments that make everything feel right.”

“Thanks for making this for me.” You say

“Anything for you.”

In the next dream, you walk along a starlit beach, the waves gently lapping at the shore. Seulgi walks beside you, her dress flowing with the breeze.

Seulgi picks up a seashell and holds it up to you, her voice soft and playful. "I’ve always liked finding seashells. They make me think of stories and adventures."

“You’ve always?” You ask sceptically

“It’s called small talk genius. Try thinking of topics when you don’t exist.” Seulgi rolled her eyes, sticking her hand out.

You take the seashell from her, admiring its beauty. "You have a way of making even the smallest things feel special."

Seulgi’s eyes sparkled with a mix of mischief and affection. “That’s my job, after all. To make things special, even in dreams.”

As you walk along the beach, you talk about your hopes and dreams, all the while Seulgi looked at you, an undeniable look of adoration, but under the surface, you could sense a small look of apprehension. Oh well, problem for another night.

“What’s this?” You look at the envelope, a SM ent sign on it. Looking at it, you found that you were invited back for another fan sign, in two days, but it was only for one of the five members, and you got Seulgi. Wow, that was trippy. Meet the real Seulgi while you were in love with the fake one. This was going to be, mildly confusing The next night, things were different. Instead of coming into a special hang out/date that Seulgi would create, you found yourself back above the ocean, the same transparent box hovering over the ocean, a big grandfather clock in the corner of the room, ticking backwards from 2 hours. Paying it no mind, you move to find Seulgi, who was sitting at the same table as the first night. “Hey Seulgi, what’s with the sudden nostalgia trip?” You ask, letting out a small chuckle, going to sit opposite a rather uncomfortable looking Seulgi, who looked deep in thought. “Seul?” You prod lightly, seemingly pulling her out of her deep thought. “Hmm? Oh yeah, you know, I ran out of ideas.” She quickly sipped her cup of water, trying to force a smile. “Is everything okay?” You ask, slightly suspicious. Between the apprehension of the previous night, and her clear unhappiness here, something was off. “No, nothing, sorry, just, had a lot on my mind, with my upcoming schedules and p-” Seulgi was clearly stressed, and your eyebrow creased in confusion. “You have a schedule? What for? You’re a, well, I still don’t know what you are, but I didn’t think you’d have a schedule.” You ask. “Forget I said anything, what do you want to do? I’m out of ideas unfortunately.” Seulgi shrugs. “Hmm, maybe Karaoke?” You suggest, it was a fun way to pass time, and if this Seulgi was anything like the real Seulgi, you knew you were in for a vocal masterclass. “As you wish.” Seulgi theatrically bowed, snapping her fingers, a karaoke machine and a TV appearing before them. For the next hour and a half, you and Seulgi had a blast, going through the greatest hits, your uninspiring vocals being blanketed by a snap of a finger, granting you passable vocals for the next 2 hours. One song in particular, ironically a Red Velvet Song, Psycho, Seulgi shined and sang that song as if it was composed for her. “Wow, that was…amazing.” “Of course, I’m your dream girl.” She said, winking, causing you to smile, but also tilt your head in confusion. That sounded familiar. “Hey! It’s your turn.” Seulgi called out, handing you the mic. As you scrolled through the music list, your finger hovers over a certain Elvis song. You hesitated playing this song. You had come to terms with your crush on someone who didn’t actually exist. The Portuguese called it Saudade, the haunting desire for an imaginary love. It wasn’t right, but it was inevitable. Night after night of what were effectively dates, it was nigh impossible to not catch feelings for her, not only because she looks like Seulgi, but because of her playful and cheerful personality, a beacon and light for you. She was your salvation.

“Wise men say, only fools rush in, but I can’t help falling in love with you.” You sing, locking eyes with Seulgi, who seemed to understand what was going on As you continued to sing, Seulgi’s gaze never left yours, softening as you got lost in her eyes as she swam in the galaxies of yours. The song reaches it��s end, and, nothing. Silence. The two of you sit in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. You knew, the both of you had a choice to make, and it was evident on Seulgi’s face, that she was conflicted. The two of you begin to talk at the same time, causing yet another pause in the conversation. “You go.” You say, allowing Seulgi to go first. She nervously gulps, before starting to talk. “Y/N, I want you to know that I’ve really enjoyed the past two months.” Had it really been two months already? Wow, time flies huh. “Y/N. I know we have something, there’s something between us that I can’t explain, but…” Seulgi paused, and you felt your heart jump from your chest. Of course, what did you expect? This was obviously never going to work out, who could love y- “No, Y/N, it’s not that.” Seulgi suddenly said, causing you to weakly force a smile. “What did I say about peeking about my mind Seulgi?” You say, causing Seulgi to grimace. “It’s involuntary…I can’t turn it off today.” Seulgi says, causing to look at her in confusion. What’s so special about today? “It’s the last day, Y/N. My work here is done, no more nightmares, everything is fixed up, but…that means this too is done. All of it. The 2 hour meetings nightly, the carnivals, the parks. All of it. I’m really sorry.” Seulgi says, causing you to reel back in shock. You didn’t know these dreams would end. Maybe you did, but you just never acknowledged it. Looking hurriedly at the clock, you see the hour hand disappeared, the minute hand too, you only had 20 seconds left. You didn’t have time. Looking hurriedly at Seulgi, you found yourself unable to say a word, instead, you placed your lips on hers, pulling her into an embrace, stealing the last moments of, everything.

“No!” You sit up in your bed, cold sweat, as if you had a nightmare the same way you did before A sigh, you walk to the kitchen island, having to brew your own hot chocolate. As you sit at the island, your mind is in turmoil. That kiss solidified only one thing, and that was that you had fallen in love. And the person you loved was gone. As you slowly sipped your beverage, you notice the ticket for the fanmeet on the island. A last look at your lost love. It was all you had left.

Everything seemed the exact same, the same ball room, the same guards, it all felt cookie cutter, but good. That was good. You needed some familiarity to get your head on straight. The time passed in a flash, and before you knew it, you saw her. Kang Seulgi, the real one, walking into the room, her eyes looking at you, lighting up in recognition. Probably from the previous fan meet, you muse. You were a unique personality. Time went on, and the people ahead of you trickled away, all until you found yourself in front of her. “Y/N. Right?” Seulgi asked, looking to her manager, snapping her fingers to get the manager’s attention, then pointing to you. “Yeh, from the previous fanmeet. The one with the nightmares.” You say, seeing the manager come with a cup, steam forming above. “How’ve you been?” Seulgi asked “Better, the nightmares are gone, and that’s thanks to you.” You say with a small smile, taking the cup from the manager. Hot Chocolate. “Oh, that’s great, but why thank me? All I did was wish you the best.” As the time you had spent with her began to flood your mind, you felt yourself begin to tear up, everything you had been through with her, the love you had for her, all overwhelming you. “Are you okay?” Seulgi asked, quickly leaning toward you, her hand almost cupping your face, before quickly moving down to your shoulder. “Yeh, I’m fine, just, thank you for everything. You don’t understand how much you helped me through my problems, I love…everything you’ve done for me, and I just wanted you to know that. I’m sorry if I seem a little weird, I have to go now.” You quickly turn around, wanting to quickly walk away. Walk away before you break down in that chair, before you tell her that you loved her. “Y/N?” Seulgi called out, causing you to halt. Shutting your eyes tightly, you try to put on a brave face, turning around to face Seulgi, who had a small smile, and a familiar glint. “I didn’t think you were weird, and for what it’s worth, I really enjoyed our kiss.”

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retiredkat · 5 months ago

Text

Great interview with Eric Bogosian

Vulture article

Eric Bogosian Would Get Naked for Interview With the Vampire 10:31 A.M.

Daniel Molloy is a fictional two-time Pulitzer Prize winner, bullshitometer, and sass-kitten, an aging journalist holding his own among monsters while conducting the titular Q&A at the heart of Interview With the Vampire. With clear-eyed wit and a dash of human vulnerability, Eric Bogosian gives Molloy a distinctly Anthony Bourdain–ish edge infused with notes of his own acerbic Talk Radio character Barry Champlain. In Anne Rice’s book and the movie that followed, Daniel Molloy is a cub reporter trembling over his tape deck. But in Rolin Jones’s brilliant AMC adaptation, which just wrapped up its second season, this isn’t Molloy’s first twirl around the vampire hoedown. The conversation takes place 50 years after that first interview ended in blood, gore, and sexual frustration (Luke Brandon Field plays the younger Molloy in flashbacks, including this season’s standout episode five). Now Molloy’s seen it all, has a loaded past with these vamps, and when he trembles, it’s from Parkinson’s, rarely nerves. Molloy’s the audience surrogate, cutting through Louis (Jacob Anderson) and Armand’s (Assad Zaman) competing narratives while ultimately shipping Loustat just like the rest of us.

This delicate dynamic got slammed into a concrete wall and lit on fire (complimentary) in the final minutes of the season-two finale, when Molloy was revealed to have been turned into a vampire by Armand, breaking the ancient vampire’s centuries-long incel streak. And boy, is it a reveal, with a cocky Molloy, riding high on his best-selling book, whipping off his sunglasses at night to reveal color-changing eyes while doing mental walkie-talkie with Louis. He’s even got a sick leather jacket to really hammer home that he’s a cool bad-boy vampire now. It’s an incredibly fun beat to leave this character on and opens up a world of season-three possibilities for Bogosian as a performer who, at 71, has always wanted to play a vampire.

Do you know how weird it is to be hitting record on my MacBook right now to interview you about playing a character who’s always hitting record on his MacBook to interview people?

It’s all weird to me. I’m from another century, so all these things are new to me.

This is suspiciously sounding more and more like an interview with a vampire by the minute! Which makes sense, considering where we last saw Daniel in the finale.

Since we have multiple narratives and jump around in time already, I don’t know where things are going. Personally, I’d love to see more of young Daniel, Luke Brandon Field. I think he’s terrific. I’d love to see more Claudia. I wonder whether vampires can time travel. I think they can move around in time. I’m not sure how much Anne Rice you’ve read, but Merrick can actually bring people back from the dead, so you never know.

What was your relationship to the books when you signed on to this show?

In the mid-’70s, when Interview With the Vampire came out, I was 20-something and reading that stuff and I loved it. Then I got distracted by life. When we started doing the show, I was going to read the first one again, but then I realized that the script and my character were quite different, so I thought, I better stick to the script.

However, I needed to know what happened next, so I started plowing through the books and it was amazing. The Vampire Lestat was a trip — that’s what they’ll be hitting next — and they just got trippier and trippier. I just finished the seventh, which puts all the stories together. I love Anne Rice because her imagination is completely unfettered and she plays with really deep themes in a way that’s not heavy. It’s not like you’re reading Ayn Rand; it’s more like Stephen King. She explores death in the guise of these vampires by asking, Oh yeah, you wanna be immortal? Here’s what immortal looks like.

I’ve always been a big fan of vamps. I lobbied Francis Ford Coppola to get a part in his Dracula in the ’90s. I guess I wasn’t a big star, so I couldn’t get a part in it, but he was nice about it and invited me to set. I’ve told this story in other interviews, but my wife was directing a play in Chicago, which, totally by coincidence, was written by one of our first-year writers. On the plane there, I was thinking about life, thinking, I’ve done so many things. What’s left? And I thought, Man, I still really want to play a vampire. And when I landed, I got a phone call: “Do you want to be on Interview With the Vampire?” At the time, it wasn’t like, “You’re going to be a vampire,” but I figured vampire-adjacent was good enough. And of course, it evolved, and as I got on set, Assad was explaining all of these things that were going to happen with my character. Sometimes I didn’t even want to hear about it because we never know what’s going to happen. There have been slight detours off the main story, particularly with my character.

What were those things you didn’t want to hear about your character that Assad was talking about?

I become, you know, under his spell in later stories, and there’s a whole relationship that goes on between us. I’m not entirely clear at this point how that’s going to shake out or if it’s going to shake out. I didn’t necessarily want to go waltzing into something where they were making me do anything weird or awkward or embarrassing to no particular end. I’ve done nudity and stuff like that a long time ago, and at 71, I’m not really big on getting naked and sexy onscreen.

However, having been around the genius of Rolin Jones for two years, whatever he wants to do, I’ll do it. When you’re around a master like this, it becomes a process of discovery. When I’m learning my lines it’s like, Oh, this is 3-D chess. There’s a lot going on here that I didn’t see the first time I read it. When I first got this job, I thought I was just going to be doing bookends every episode, like, “So, tell me the story,” and then it would be vampires the whole time, and at the end I’d be like, “Hmmm!” And then, “stay tuned for the next episode!” But Rolin had this idea from the beginning and it went deeper and deeper until it was insane by the end of the second season.

I would prefer not to be playing cliché. Sometimes I’m playing something that feels like a lot of other things I’ve done. Even in the service of a show that is terrific, like Succession or Billions, the things I’m doing on those shows are not things I’ve never done before. As a friend of mine said when I was doing Under Siege 2 with Steven Seagal 1,000 years ago, “They just want you to do that Eric thing you do.” My stage stuff is about being very big and very loud, and a lot of the stuff I do on-camera is like in Uncut Gems, being very angry and very broad. But this thing, particularly in the fifth episode, and going into the end — I have to go places that I’ve never gone as an actor before. The subtlety of episode five, where I am brought to tears, that’s new stuff for me, and I was really happy to do it. Not only working with Rolin and the directors but with everybody. The writers bring a lot of sensitivity, a lot of nuance to every scene.

I need to ask if you’ve seen this: Someone from the writers’ room tweeted a picture of a note card that was on the wall for episode five and it just says, “MOLLOY ASKS ABOUT 1973: DID WE FUCK?”

I love that beat. As much as I’m known for my verbosity, I love reaction stuff, too. Jacob and I are very in sync, and we’ve developed a good relationship. He’s not holding back, he’s not being cagey, and that allows you to trust the other person a lot. You’d be amazed how some actors … are actually not good actors. They’re thinking about what they look like and all this crap. Jacob can’t be thinking about what he looks like because sometimes he looks really nasty. He’s letting the emotions build out of him. And yet he’s always very adept at sculpting what he’s doing. It’s a great company. I never work with Sam, I just see him all the time on set, but that scene in the courtroom, and the scene in New Orleans … where’s that shit coming from? The emotion is wild.

You all have incredible chemistry with each other, too. Knowing where your character might go with Armand, or what other buried history may or may not also be between them, how do you play that dynamic?

In scripted narratives, you’ve just got to play what the script is doing and let the audience try to figure out the rest of it. On Succession, I worked with Sarah Snook, and her character was never clear until the end. They were making it very hard to figure out what she was thinking. And I don’t know that she always knew herself what she was thinking. She was playing the script.

There are a lot of ways to look at it, and ask, What’s really going on here? Much of it is the audience putting it together. They hear the lines, they see my face, and an older actor’s face kind of has a narrative built into it. All of it gets put together, and what you don’t know becomes fodder for your imagination.

And this audience has quite the imagination.

I’ve never been through this experience before, exploring where the audience is at. I’m reading a lot of the blogs, and they make a science out of it. Rolin gives them all they can eat in terms of details and Easter eggs that are blended into the story. I think like 30 percent of our audience is really familiar with the books, so they’re constantly checking back and forth between Anne Rice’s story and ours. So far, Rolin’s been scoring pretty well in terms of being consistent with the original material.

But again, Daniel is a whole different ball of wax. The Armand thing is interesting, because it goes into all kinds of fascinating realms far away and weird. I had to get out history books and start reading about ancient Kyiv.

The fans aren’t even just pulling from the books; I’ve seen some draw comparisons from your work like Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll. They’re finding all these crazy parallels.

That I haven’t seen. The character in this show and me in real life have a lot of parallels. Just imagine young Daniel in the show, that was my life. The funny thing is when I used to write and perform these monologues, in my mind they didn’t have anything to do with me. And then last year, Andre Royo, who played Bubs on The Wire, did one of my shows, Drinking in America, onstage. This was the first time that I’ve watched my own solo show, and he did a great job. I started to understand the biographical aspects of these monologues. It isn’t until afterward that I can look at it and go, Oh right, this is about that. Rolin told me that they were always thinking of me for this role. He didn’t know me, so this was coming out of his enthusiasm for a movie I did 700 years ago, Talk Radio with Oliver Stone. That was based on a play I wrote for myself. What I write about has to do with a certain kind of narcissistic personality, which seems to be the theme of this TV show — they’re all narcissists in one way or another.

I’m fascinated by my character. In episode five, when he’s in San Francisco, he’s kind of a loser. That’s what Armand says: “You might as well die right now. Where’s your life going?” And yet Daniel has two Pulitzer Prizes by the time he’s an older guy. What is that about? I would almost not believe it except that it happened to me. I was leading a really dissolute life in the late ’70s into the early ’80s. I didn’t win a Pulitzer, but I was nominated in 1987 and continued to be, I guess, “successful.” So it makes sense that it happens to Daniel. But you can also ask, What motivates this? It’s a way of fighting against the world or maintaining your sanity.

I think I’ll continue to play with the push-pull of this guy if I continue with the show. In San Francisco, he says, “Make me a vampire.” Later in Dubai, he says, “No, I don’t want it, because I’ll outlive my children.” He’s going back and forth. Of course, what we don’t see in the last episode is how did he become a vamp? Did he say, “Yeah, I want to do it?” Or did he get drunk with Armand one night and when he wasn’t looking, he became a vampire? I guess we’ll find out.

I’m sure it’s the subject of dozens of fan fictions already.

I’ve gotten so close with Assad. We’ve enjoyed spending a lot of time with each other. But when he gets on set, he turns into a different person. That’s some evil shit going on there. The way he ends up in that last episode, kind of smashed, he put everything into that. It’s a lot of fun. I never got into this business to do anything other than make believe and pretend. I feel more whole when I’m being somebody else than when I’m my own self, so the more deeply we can pretend when we’re making the show, the more deeply we can get into all of this, the higher I get from it. And when you’ve got guys like this who are ready to fly, I want to go flying with them.

I know you said you don’t really know what’s happening next season, but I look forward to your vampire adventures.

Rolin keeps sending me notes saying we’re gonna have an amazing time when we start shooting again. I can’t wait. It’s just that there’s a whole formal process of how this goes, and I’m waiting for my engraved invitation from the King of AMC to say “welcome back.”

#iwtv spoilers #iwtv #amc interview with the vampire #eric bogosian #daniel molloy #assad zaman #armand #jacob anderson #louis de pointe du lac #sam reid #lestat de lioncourt

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starryalpacasstuff · 1 month ago

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LITBC Episodes 1 and 2; Differences in Mediums

I finally watched the first two episodes of litbc, and I am absolutely in awe. This show is doing a brilliant job at presenting the story in a way that remains authentic to the themes and storyline of the book but at the same time bringing in a new perspective that gives us a new take on the story. This is a perfect example of what an adaptation should be like; true to the story but also bringing something new unique to the different medium.

The third question the book club discussion post brought up actually happened to be one of the foremost things on my mind while I was watching the first two eps. How does the broader lens of the show affect our perception, as the audience, of the characters in Go Young's life? My initial impression was that the show was...kinder to the characters than the book was, in particular Nam Gyu and Mi Ae. But I've come to think that, rather than the show being the kinder one, it's simply a difference of perspective. In the book, a majority of our understanding of the events comes from Young, who has strong opinions and a cynical worldview. K3 is barely mentioned and is presented to us as the kind of person Young views him as; overbearing, dramatic, and in the end, entirely unimportant. With the show, we're able to see things from Nam Gyu's perspective a little and understand him more. Similarly, in the book we're only able to see Jaehee from Young's perspective and feel a similar sense of betrayal as he does, while the show, by allowing us to see the actual confrontation between Mi Ae and her boyfriend, helps us feel more empathy for her. I think that the show allows us to learn more about Go Young by developing the characters of the people he interacts with—his interactions with them tell us more about him because we know more about them.

I think an appropriate parallel to draw here would be the difference between a friend ranting to you about a horrible person in their lives that you know practically nothing about—in which you're honor bound to vehemently agree and join in on the bitching—and watching your friend have issues with a person you are better acquainted with—wherein you're far more likely to act as more of a mediator and try to get your friend to calm the fuck down.

I also think it's worth noting that at the end of the first two episodes, Mi Ae and Go Young seem far more friendly than Jaehee and Young; most noticeably due to the lack of Young's bitter internal monologue. I'm fairly certain that even in this iteration, Go Young's feelings aren't all that different, the difference lies in the perspective of the show, which is far less intimate with Go Young than the book.

While the book club was still running, I wrote a little about Jaehee here, in particular about her being an ally, her acceptance of Young, and her failure to understand him. But I think the show made it clearer that this failure to understand the other person went both ways. I think a few people had pointed this out last time, but the show made it far more clear; though Mi Ae and Go Young were close, their friendship was based largely on their shared experiences as outcasts and their similarities, and they rarely ever discussed anything deeper about themselves. The show makes this quite explicit with Mi Ae pointedly refusing to talk about her mother and Young simply never bringing his up with her. So, it was to be expected Mi Ae beginning to conform more to society's expectations would drive a wedge in their relationship. The show also makes it abundantly clear that Mi Ae drifting away from Go Young was a major factor in him being enraged at her when she confessed to having outed him—to him, it was something like the final nail in the coffin, proof that Mi Ae had changed.

I'm really enjoying the way this show is enriching our understanding of not only Go Young but also the other characters of the story; allowing us even more insight into these incredibly complex characters. I'm also quite excited to see the way the different directors will impact the episodes and what the entire show will be like as a collective—something to thing about next week.

#im enjoying this show a lot so far #love in the big city #litbc book club

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cyanide-sippy-cup · 8 months ago

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Okay now that Anissa is in the show, I have to talk about THAT storyline. There's not much particularly new I can say that hasn't already been discussed but I need to gather my thoughts on what the show has to do to be successful in this regard. With that being said,

Spoilers for things the show has not covered yet

And massive Trigger Warning for discussions of sexual assault and post-assault trauma.

So first things out of the way, I do not believe they should cut it. The changes the show has made are ultimately pretty minor. A character change, order of events swapped. With them sticking as close as they are to the comic, I think it would be a massive problem to skip over it from a story telling standpoint.

From a real world standpoint, it's even more important. Male sexual assault is something that rarely gets depicted properly. It's usually a joke or a moment of triumph and that very much has had an effect on the way we look at it in the real world. And since Invincible is now a show pretty much everybody has their eyes on, choosing not to talk about it would be missing an opportunity to have a very real, very important conversation that very well could educate men on how to navigate and survive what they are going through.

I'm also worried that they'll be too afraid to actually say the word "rape". Lots of modern adaptations delete important discussions like Sokka's sexism or the gender discussions from Cowboy Bebop in order to avoid properly handling them and usually replace them with something worse in a sort of "all bark and no bite" liberalism. Directly saying it as it is is incredibly important to showing that talking about it is not only NOT shameful, but also necessary in getting the help you need and the healing that is necessary to survive.

And from a storytelling standpoint, saying it is important too. The moment where Mark tells Eve what happened is not only great in showing that telling someone is important but is also the moment where Mark is forced to admit the truth to himself. "She raped me." Those three words are a massive turning point for the whole story. Character dynamics change, this becomes a focus for most of Mark's loved ones, and it fundamentally changes his life.

Markus. This is a piece of the puzzle I don't see many talk about. While the rest is a showcase of what to do, Markus as a character is a showcase of what not to. It is so, so rare that a child conceived of a rape is properly depicted, nevermind discussed. From Mark's POV, he holds no ill will towards his son. He simply wants him to live a life on Earth with his family like he did and just can't be with him because he is needed in space. But to Markus, his dad hates him. He thinks his father keeps him on Earth so that he doesn't have to think about him. And this idea of his father's disgust contorts his image of himself. He begins to feel self-hatred, hatred towards his mother for making him this way, and hatred towards his father for abandoning him and leaving him to despise what he sees in the mirror. "You made Terra with love. I was made with hate."

Whether Mark meant it or not, his neglect of Markus ruined his early life. No matter how many friends he made, what groups he joined, they could never fill that hole. He idolized his father. I mean, how could he not? His father was, IS a great hero. A man who was out at that very moment leading the movement for universal peace. But because Mark barely visited him, he only had an idea of what his father was like. A man who sacrificed so much to help the world, who fought in space and yet still managed to save the Earth dozens of times. A man who had the time to help everyone and yet couldn't make time for him.

(Important edit: in no way do I mean to say Mark is obligated to be a part of his son's life, I meant that Mark chooses to be there but ultimately fails to do so and that causes issues)

And don't get me wrong, this story has some pretty glaring flaws. For example I think they tried a little too hard to teach Mark that the person who hurt him is human too and has positively affected the lives of many. Like absolutely there is a conversation to be had there but because they had to move on with the plot they kinda just went "HEY MARK DON'T BE SAD SHE'S COOL NOW AND ALSO SHE'S DEAD SO THERE'S NO POINT IN LINGERING OKAY BYYEEEEE". But I think instead of these flaws scaring the show away they should invite the show forward. It's an opportunity to improve on the story and discussions rather than shy away from it.

Oh and also harking back to my previous point in paragraph 2, there's another aspect that makes it stand out in an important discussion. If I'm remembering correctly, the comic makes it pretty clear that Mark could have overpowered Anissa but didn't for a couple of reasons, namely not wanting to hurt her. And that is SO important and SO rare. A discussion surrounding an assault victim who could have fought back but didn't where the victim is NOT portrayed as in the wrong and in fact just as worthy to be traumatized as any other victim is SO DAMN IMPORTANT and could legit change a lot in the way we look at these topics.

So yeah, I think the series should adapt it. Also I think it would be great if they brought on actual victims and experts and whatnot so their depiction could be just that much more focused around what needs to be said. Sorry if all this read as klunky, I have a lot of thoughts bouncing around up here that I kinda just spewed onto the page with no particular order. I'm also obviously not the most educated on the topic. My personal experiences with this were relatively minor and not something I've ever felt comfortable addressing. And yeah I know it's important no matter how "small" or "minor" it seems and I'm not trying to downplay any of that but I just don't really have the words to phrase that differently. Which is exactly why I think we NEED education and discussions about this stuff so that we DO know the words to navigate the topic.

#tw sex assault #tw sa #tw trauma #invincible series #invincible spoilers #invincible comic #invincible #mark grayson #anissa invincible #tw r4p3 #tw rap3 #why are the tags censored like that that only makes it harder to discuss and to figure out what tags people have blocked #if we have like 87 different versions of the tag then the people who need the warning can't block all of them and thus can't avoid the post #what are we doing tumblr

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ducks-on-jupiter · 4 months ago

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BSD disability week day 2: Blindness

I know this is a day late, haha... I wrote it as fast as I could

TW: internalized and external ableism, descriptions of medical settings, injuries, and scars

Dazai woke up to find that he was in Mori’s medical office. The last thing he remembers, he was on a practice mission Mori had sent him on. He tries to blink a few times to adjust to the bright light. The room stays blurry. There’s an uncomfortable cloth over his right eye. His head ached.

“What happened to my eye?” Dazai pushed himself up with his elbows. “There’s bandages over it.”

“You don’t remember?”

“If i remembered, I wouldn’t have asked you.” He snaps back.

“You got in a little… accident.” Mori sighs. He’s shuffling through documents at his desk. At least Dazai thinks that’s what he’s doing. It’s hard to tell when everything is blurry, and one of his eyes is covered.

“Accident?”

“You aren’t going to get that half of your vision back.” Mori’s tone comes out cold. “You’re lucky you still have a functioning left eye,”

“It’s all blurry.”

“That’ll get better once it stops swelling.”

Theres a heavy pause in the room. The air sends chills down Dazai’s spine.

“You’re going to need to re-learn how to shoot a gun. I thought you knew to be more careful Osamu. You were unconscious for three days and im not interested in having to replace my demon prodigy.”

“I’m not replaceable.”

“You’re going to be if you don’t adapt to this.”

This was the very first experience Osamu Dazai had in relation to his blindness, and it did not help set his internal tone about his impairments whatsoever.

Dazai was sitting in Chuuya’s office, groaning over their mission report paperwork. He’d been staring at the lines of letters for ten minutes. It hurt to look at them, the words kept jumping around because his vision wouldn’t stay focused, chuuya was waiting on him to finish his section of the report.

“Dazai, I want to hand this in soon. My ideal afternoon is not sitting at work waiting on your lazy ass to finish paperwork.”

God, why can’t he just get it done like a normal person? It isn’t that hard, his head doesn’t hurt that bad, he should be trying harder, doing more, doing better in the rank that he earned- that he has to keep that-

“Mackerel, are you crying over paperwork?”

Dazai flinches, he was crying? Oh, he was crying. Oops. He wipes his eye and turns away from Chuuya.

“Dazai?”

No response from dazai, other than his shoulders shaking as he hides his face from chuuya.

“Osamu?” Chuuya said gently. “Are you okay?”

This was turning into one of those rare moments where the two teenage boys actually showed each other some semblance of care and worry. There was some weird friendship hidden underneath all of their fighting and screaming at one another.

“I’ll get it done. Sorry.” Dazai mumbles and picks up his pen.

“No, forget about the report for a second, why are you crying?” Chuuya pulls his chair over to Dazai’s desk. Yes, dazai had a desk in Chuuya’s office. Dazai looks up at him, having given up on seeming emotionless and mysterious by now. Chuuya brushes a strand of hair from Dazai’s face. “Do you want to talk?”

“You’ll use it against me.”

“I promise you, i won’t.”

“Yes you will.”

“I swear on my hat.”

Dazai laughs lightly.

“What is it, Dazai?”

Dazai takes a deep, shaky breath before looking at Chuuya. “Before you joined, when i was doing a training mission for Mori, i got hurt really badly. Left me half blind.”

The process of the dots connecting in Chuuya’s head is visible on his face. He lets out a long, but quiet “oh.”

“Yeah. Not a very good thing in our line of work.”

After that, Chuuya and Dazai had established a few things to help dazai out a little bit. Chuuya started letting Dazai link their arms or hold onto his bag or sleeve while they walked, because Dazai had really bad depth perception. Chuuya would read their paperwork to him when dazai was having trouble.

“Can I see under your bandages?” Chuuya asked gently. He and dazai were siting on his couch, almost cuddling but not quite. It had been about a year and a half of Chuuya knowing Dazai was blind.

“It’s not really something i like showing people.” Dazai starts fidgeting with his wrist bandages.

“I’m not going to judge you, but you don’t have to show me.”

Dazai has seen Chuuya on the verge of death tens of times. It only seemed fair to offer a little bit of vulnerability back, but vulnerability has never been Dazai’s thing. At all. “Are you sure you wanna see that? It’s kind of gross-“

“I want to understand you better.”

After a few moments of quiet, Dazai unwraps the bandages on his face. Theres a really bad scar over his eye, red and purple and raised. It made him feel gross. He always thought his existence was gross. This made it worse.

“Im sorry-“

“Why? It’s just your body. You can’t change it. There’s nothing ‘super gross and disturbing’ it’s a scar.”

“You mean that?”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks,” Dazai feels a small pang of wariness in his chest.

Dazai and Chuuya were sitting in a cafe, across from one another. It was a warm and cozy, small little building. Chuuya lets out a small, content sigh,

“You look happier, now.” He says softly. “Being away from the Mafia was good for you?”

“I guess it was,” Dazai shrugs. “Thanks for meeting up with me, I know we aren’t on the… best terms,”

“We’ve never been on the best terms.” Chuuya laughs slightly. “I wrote the whole menu out on my phone before you got here, so you can adjust the text and-“

“You didn’t have to do that,”

“But i wanted to? It’s just the decent thing to do,” Chuuya hands Dazai his phone.

Dazai skims through the menu on Chuuya’s phone for a minute, he hums quietly.

“Also,” Chuuya says with a small smile audible in his tone, “We’re you going to acknowledge the cane, or did you just assume I saw it?”

“Oh, yeah that. I just got used to it, I guess.”

Chuuya takes a small breath, “hey, I’m happy your accommodating yourself now,”

“…Thanks. It was really hard to admit I needed it.”

Chuuya scoots his chair closer to Dazai’s and gives his hand a small squeeze. Dazai smiles.

#bsd disability week 2024 #bsd disability week #disabled author #disabled writer #blindness #fandom event #bsd #blind #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bsd soukoku #mild shipping #space duck posts #fanfiction #space duck writes

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nezumikozo6th · 28 days ago

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Pulptober 2024 Day 24-Team of Elites-Lupin III gang

I stumbled across this funny activity that based on Pulp Hero prompts and it seems to allow for anyone participation(hope I didn't misunderstand),so I took the liberty of coming uninvited(And I'm obviously posted late).I think Lupin the Third is one of the most pulp-style long-going anime series that still going now,and one of the most common story templates is how the protagonist and his companions become a team of adaptive anti-hero,so they deserve to be put under this topic.

This adventuring team consists of four capable criminals who are equal and independent,Lupin the third is usually the mastermind and the one leading the action,but he isn't a real leader and the gang isn't named after him or anyone else.All of them can carry out theft or other criminal work alone.Compared with professional criminal groups with clear division of labor,they are more like a family of professional thieves with their own specialties,and it's interesting to see how they work closely together while maintaining their own independence and sometimes conflicting for that.

Daisuke Jigen(次元大介) is the closest one who is literally an assistant of Lupin on the gamg,even though he actually isn't,and he is definitely the member who drives and smokes with Lupin on screen the most.The two interacted so frequently and naturally that some fans jokingly called Jigen the gayest man alive(On the other hand many fans believe they're bisexual).He is the best gunman of them and known for his extraordinary shooting ability and familiarity with various firearms,on the contrary he rarely shows his (not bad) hand-to-hand combat ability.I think sometimes people put too much emphasis on his feuding moments with Fujiko,he was often angry at her betrayal,but most of the time he did not blame her any more than Lupin and Goemon did except verbally.

Goemon Ishikawa XIII(石川五ェ門) is a character who is a symbol of Japanese/East-Asian culture that deliberately placed in this Westernized(for the Japanese at the time) gang,although it's far from a stereotype,he is undoubtedly the member who has the most clearly culture marked,that includes a samurai/ronin costume,a Japanese sword and his Iaidō skills,which makes him the only member who does not use firearms and has a irreplaceable skill(swordsmanship).He is often as a handy member to cut through bullets,obstacles or various things in front of them,and the one most often leaves the team for personal reasons(Except Fujiko when she betrayed them).

Fujiko Mine(峰不二子) is the regular femme fatale in this series,but in my experience,even few of characters of this type could be like her that able to maintain the companionship with a gang she betrayed multiple times,especially considering she isn't the leader.Fujiko is a wind card between Lupin gang and their opponents,she often betrays them,also often betrays their enemies and returns to the gang after considering the situation,or is rescued by them after being betrayed by their enemies,and fairly,working with them in good faith many times.Regardless of her initial decision,finally she always ends up siding with the gang at critical moments since of luck or intentionality.

Koichi Zenigata(錢形幸一) is the Inspector Ganimard of Lupin the third,he is an Interpol police officer who has traveled around the world for many years to hunt down Lupin III,but they respect each other and have a special friendship with each other.Of course Zenigata can't be a real member of the Lupin gang,but like other empathetic inspector characters,he is often involved in their fights with other criminal forces,and is usually willing to join them in fighting against more evil elements for the sake of morality and justice,whether both are acting independently or actually working together.This happens so often that make Zenigata deserves to be considered a special member of the gang,and becomes the best and worst cop:he is unable to arrest Lupin most of the time,but thanks to this he has achievements in fighting crime that ordinary police officers cannot match.

#pulp heroes #pulptober 2024 #Team of Elites #Lupin III #Daisuke Jigen #Goemon Ishikawa XIII #Fujiko Mine #Koichi Zenigata #I'm also hope to post about Hero for Hire but I need more time #Btw the theme song of Lupin III (season 2) maybe the anime theme song with the most version of variations

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alpaca-clouds · 2 months ago

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Worldbuild Differently: Unthink Work

This week I want to talk a bit about one thing I see in both fantasy and scifi worldbuilding: Certain things about our world that we live in right now are assumed to be natural, and hence just adapted in the fantasy world. With just one tiny problem: They are not natural, and there were more than enough societies historically that avoided those pitfalls.

*rubs hands* Today's topic is one I am currently reading a lot about. And it is another one, where it shows fairly clearly that often people do not quite question their current status quo. And yes, this will be another one where I need to reference the Forgotten Realms a bit. But let me start a bit more vaguely.

Work is a thing that in Science Fiction might be questioned a bit. People will still work, sure, but at least some Science Fiction will question the idea of a 9 to 5 job, because maybe robots are doing part of the work, or it is otherwise automated. Of course, in some SciFi subgenres like Cyberpunk people very much still work long hours, but I would argue that in Cyberpunk it is part of the dystopia. After all Cyberpunk is all about the worst things of capitalism being the thing that wins.

But both in more optimistic Scifi worlds (like Solarpunk) and Scifi worlds that exist more for the space adventure, there is a general idea that people might still work, but not quite as much - unless the work is the adventure (see Star Trek).

But then there is fantasy. And fantasy is often set in a pseudo-historical setting. A lot of people use a medieval setting of some sorts. And here we see the issue come up a lot.

The issue in how we interact with times past, is that we too often either project the modern world onto it, or believe the Victorian propaganda about the medieval times. Because the Victorians were like "if you feel we are overworking you, be glad you did not live in medieval times". Which kinda their reaction to any criticism. But this is... wrong.

See, we know by now, that actual humans worked a lot less before the industrial revolution. Automations and mechanations never made us work less, they just develued our work - just as it is happening with AI right now.

Generally speaking a hunter-gatherer would "work" (either in hunting-gathering or stuff like taking care of their clothes and so on) for about 20 hours a week. And the usual medieval peasant worked probably around 30 hours a week - though in case of the peasant working the fields this work might have been more unevenly distributed throughout the year (with them working longer hours during sowing and harvest times, but a lot less during winter times). We have actually some evidence that some cultures explicitly decided to not pick up farming, because they realized that it would be more work than hunting-gathering. So as hunter-gathrers they had more time to be creative. And yes, there is quite a lot of anthropological evidence right now, that humans are all about creativity in the end.

But in a lot of fantasy stuff - like the Forgotten Realms - we do have the issue that folks kinda assume modern work ethics. Of course, in the FR this often is more a background noise, given that the stories of the FR mostly focus on adventurers. And sure, adventurers technically work to - most adventurers are in that business to make money in one way or another - but we rarely center the stories of people working normal jobs.

But we see how especially in the cities work is framed in a very modern manner. As is the way that people earn money and using it. The people working around dept and such? Yeah, we do not see a whole lot of that.

And as said in terms of the money: I get that in the FR money also kinda has to play a role because it is used as a game mechanic. But it really is kinda annoying as a part of worldbuilding, because in the context it does not really make sense. The FR seem to already exist under capitalism - even though it is not a setting that should be capitalist.

To get back to the general worldbuilding advice: Unthink this idea that everyone needs to work 40 hours a week and more. Unless you want to use this to say something... In any non-modern settings it is probably unrealistic.

#worldbuilding #fantasy worldbuilding #scifi worldbuilding #cyberpunk #solarpunk #middle ages #medieval europe #anthropology #work ethic #anti capitalism #fuck ai #forgotten realms #dnd

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artbyblastweave · 7 months ago

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There’s a specific needle you need to thread when you’re doing an indie cape thing. One of the most common criticisms of Big Two comics is that the editorial structure guarantees that death, when it’s even allowed to happen in the first place, is immaterial. No one stays dead in comics but Uncle Ben, and even he’s been known to twitch on occasion. “Death that sticks” therefore becomes a lynchpin selling point for a lot of indie cape stuff. But the other side of this, which I don’t see acknowledged as often, is that if you create a cape setting that’s stupidly lethal, if capes are dropping left and right, if the average contender goes on two adventures before dying in action, that would seriously affect the norms of the setting! Fewer people would do it, you’d see different strategies, attitudes and presentations amongst the ones who do, and public attitudes towards the superheroic profession would be adjusted accordingly. It wouldn’t look very much at all like the prototypical superhero setting as we envision it. To be clear, a setting that deliberately embraces those shifts as part of a broad commentary on the prototypical dynamic is a fine idea, and I can think of several works in that vein. But if you do want to maintain the vibe of a big-two setting as part of your project, you need to thread the needle, creating a setting where superheroes do get killed, but not all the time.

When you adjust for how generally violent it is, Invincible actually becomes a notably deathless narrative, at least in its front half; civillian and grunt casualties abound, but after the Guardians- who are nothing but signposts- it takes until the Lizard League fiasco for another superhero to die, and it takes until The Invincible War for a superhero with any actual character development to die; the named-character kill count, or more accurately the characters-we’re-supposed-to-weigh-significantly kill count, skyrockets from there. On balance I’m prepared to call this a good thing; it allows the Guardians massacre to stand alone as a noteworthy event in the front half, and it cements the sense of increased stakes in the back half as Mark moves into higher and higher weight classes. That said, I do think that this does suboptimal things to the adaptation, which, not having hit any of the material in the back half, has run two seasons now without any casualties in Marks orbit that don’t turn out to be fakeouts. A couple of weeks ago I was bloviating about how the adaptation handled Shrinking Rae’s “death,” only to face plant when it turned out she survived in the adaptation; I’m now effortlessly pirouetting my criticism to be about the fact that they weren’t even wiling to axe a Mauve Shirt superhero in a way that reminds us that it’s actually a possibility, which of course was the point of Ray’s death in the original. It sort of creates this sense that the show is reproducing the annoying-big-two-ism of throwing around mass civilian casualty events that nonetheless rarely if ever directly connect with anyone in a costume- when in fact what’s happening is really more like the narrative analogue to a Popeye-style comically-extended windup punch.

#invincible #invincible spoilers #thoughts #meta #superheroes #invincible tv show

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glux2 · 1 year ago

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Musing: Emotional connection

Recently a very close person to me suggested i binge watch "Angel Hare", before that day my only exposure to that project was a fan game that had a very funny punchline in lampooning the "cursed videogame" genre.

So i watched the whole thing and it was great.

This scene right here made me feel more feelings than most of the media i have watched/played/read in like the last 5 years or so.

So it made my mind wonder, like, "hold on, when was the last time i felt this strongly about a piece of entertainment?"

Sure, if you know me, i felt strongly about the ongoing plotline for Noelle on Deltarune, so one would think "2021 when chapter two came out", right? but no, i got very invested but it wasn't it.

The last time i felt so strongly about a piece of media was actually Deltarune's predecesor, Undertale in 2015.

I finished Undertale in tears, i got in a very bad funk when i found out about the genocide ending, it truly made me feel emotions.

So i began to ponder, just what really moves me?

Full disclosure: I don't cry at movies. This is not a "look at me i am a badass who is not beheld by feelings" statement, no, i kinda just dont connect emotionally with movies as easily as other people.

I have talked about this, many times actually, Toy Story 3 did not make me cry, it always bothers me how people at the time were like "if TS3 didn't make you cry, you have no soul" and shit like that, so let me repeat something i have said many times before:

Toy Story 3 was a movie i went to see the day doctors had informed me my mother had entered terminal phase of cancer.

My friends took me to see TS3 when i felt the greatest sadness i have ever felt in my entire life. And im glad TS3 was a pretty funny movie that managed to distract me from what i was going through. TS3 uplifted me when i had a very real reason to cry.

So what im getting at is, i rarely connect emotionally with what conventionally makes people emotionally connected, not that i havent felt strong emotions from movies, but as we'll get to later, it's just not the stuff you would expect, when we get back to movies you'll be thinking, "what the fuck, Toy story 3 did not make you emotional but THIS THING DID?!"

So, if traditional "emotional things" rarely have moved me i began to think to myself, "what are things that have made me feel this strongly?"

I realized it's the damn weirdest things.

I'll try to list things that i can remember making me feel this emotional.

Now i'll be upfront, im not a very cultured person, so you'll notice most of this is...not very high brow.

Also, obviously spoilers for all this stuff im about to talk about.

Before we begin: Honorable mention goes to me finding out i had repressed memories of being traumatized as a kid by being show an animated adaptation of "Pilgrim's progress" by an aunt, which disturbed me greatly towards the end as the main character dies and before it the souls of two people he met are condemned to eternal damnation from making MISTAKES, not sins, not evil, but THE FUCKING MISTAKE of exploring alternate routes before them.

-Yoshi's Island, 1994 When i was a wee one Yoshi was one of my fave videogame characters, so of course i was beyond hype when a game where you play as yoshi came out, the ending is one of the greatest moments in videogame history, the beautiful music, the journey of the stork, and finally the classic Mario fan fare playing as baby mario and baby luigi being held by their parents with the words "Heroes are born", it's such a powerful moment. To this day i still cannot listen to that credits music without tearing up.

Sequel? Retcon?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT, SHUT UP, THIS IS THE PERFECT ENDING AND NOTHING ELSE HAPPENED AFTER IT!

-The bicentennial man, 1999 The bicentennial man is one of the biggest examples of a movie being fucking mischaracterized in the marketing, this movie is based on Isaac Asimov's short story and later novel, it stars Robin Williams, so all marketing was presenting the movie as Robin Williams comedy movie, IT. IS. NOT. The bicentennial man is a scifi drama about the existential search for meaning and the nature of what truly is to be alive. You get invested on the quest of this robot trying to find humanity for 200 years, and the punchline to this movie is, in his quest for humanity he forgoes the immortality being a machine provides him as he had developed the way to turn himself biological, still artificial but biological, and he dies peacefully on his sleep before he can be told that humanity had declared him, legally, a human being. To me it was such a powerful moment, he found true meaning to his life, became human, yet died before knowing so.

-Courage the cowardly dog, "The Mask", 2002 This is a legendary episode of an already great show that has a lot of very good emotional moments, some may cite episodes like "the giving tree" or "the last star maker", but for me it's this one. For those who have never experienced this episode, it revolves around a cat girl named Kitty who one day shows up at Courage's farm and she's wearing an upsetting mask, she abuses courage because she believes all dogs are bad. The mask serves 2 purposes, one is metaphorical, "her inability to face reality", the second is to hide her identity as she believes she is in danger. The thing is, she is on the run because her lover best friend Bunny is trapped in an abusive relationship with a gangster dog who threatened to kill her if she was seen near Bunny ever again, the episode coats the whole situation with a ton of goofiness, but it's actually very fucking dark: A young lesbian is trapped against her will on an abusive relationship with a toxic, violent man who threatened to kill her girlfriend if she refused to date him. Courage, being a good little dog ventures to save Bunny and have her reunite with Kitty because, despite how bad Kitty was to him, he recognizes that Kitty is a victim and she and Bunny deserve better, leading to Courage letting them escape away together, to live happy and free. I don't think it's just me, but the final image of Kitty and Bunny hugging as the train takes them to freedom felt so powerful to me.

-Twisted Metal Head-on, 2002 This is one of the weirdest things i have ever gotten emotionally invested, but honestly? i love when some shitposting franchise suddenly manages to pull this off, specially given the set up for this whole thing im going to describe starts in an early game as a fucking joke. So to contextualize this, the first two Twisted metal games were helmed by the og creators of the franchise, TM 3, 4 and small brawl were made by different developers when the creators lost the rights, but during the PS2 era when the og developers came back and created TM: Black, and TM: Head-on, Black was a reboot, Head-on was a retcon sequel to TM 2 that eliminated TM3 from the timeline, but not TM 4. Still with me? Okay so TM2 had this character, Krista Sparks, who was the revealed to be the daughter of the main antagonist of the game, Calypso, but hold on? wasn't Calypso's backstory that his family died in a tragic accident which lead him to become evil? So turns out, the FBI retrieved his daughter's corpse, turned it into a robot with a bomb with the intend to make her get close to Calypso and blow him up. The ending ends comically with a message reading "The FBI wishes to thank you for putting an end to Twisted metal". Stil Still with me?!?!?! ok! so Head on! In this game Krista is back, as a ghost, her ending consists on her confronting her dad, who has now brought up so much pain, misery and death to the world, Calypso tries to explain that the nature of his powers mean he has to do this otherwise he cannot use his powers, and his plan was for Krista to win so he could bring her back and her mom to life, but Krista is so horrified with what has happened that she refuses and blurts "I wish the accident that killed me and mom never happened" the intention being impeding Calypso from becoming this evil super natural villian, but as per all endings, it's always a monkey paw affair and Calypso knows it, looking saddened he grants the wish because he has no option, his powers force him to. Briefly Krista has a vision of her childhood with her dad before he became evil as they share a sweet moment playing on a swing set. HARD CUT TO A HOSPITAL, Krista is on a bed in coma, Calypso is there and whispers to her something along the lines of "Sleep tight my dear, may you finally find peace", as Calypso is leaving the hospital you can hear 2 doctors talking, mentioning that Krista had been in coma for more than a decade and apparently Calypso just had found out. Excuse me Twisted Metal, but WHAT THE FUCK? You are a dumb fucking edgy car combat game, how dare you make me feel these things?

-Mother 3, 2006 (translation on 2008) Mother 3 hopefully needs no introduction, or maybe it does, because many people have reduced it to a joke due to how nintendo stubbornly refuses to give us an official release, but also many of you must know this franchise is the spark that ignited the flame of the absolute Juggernaut Undertale would become, as well as many other games influenced by it. The Mother/Earthbound games were known for being quirky and deviating from the standard conventions of the game, notably for the modern day setting and unorthodox choices of how you deal with the villians, they were always billed as emotional, but i feel they did not live up to that...until 3. The general narrative to Mother 3 is about how greed is destroying the world, the main villian corrupting what we see of the world (a paradise little town where everybody is nice) by introducing luxury, money and status....and also stomping everything with his fascist army and cyborg mutants. Mother 3 is a game about how the worst traits of humanity are destroying the world and upsetting nature. Mother 3 is also the story of 2 twin brothers who suffer tragedy after tragedy after tragedy that ultimately pits them one against the other with the fate of the world at stake. Mother 3 punches you almost immediately by killing the mother character (which i might mention you're encouraged to name after your own mother) at the end of the first chapter and how this affects her surviving family. one of the Twins, Claus, is so disturbed that he decides to on on his own to try to kill the monster that took his mom, while the other, Lucas, was too afraid and weak to stop his brother, resulting on Claus dying as well...but the badguys take his corpse and reanimate it into a cold, emotionless cyborg who follow's the big bad's order and is using him to try to cause the end of the world. In the climax of the story Lucas is force to confront Claus, clause is a brain washed cyborg, his master is out of the picture and all he can do is fight, you can't reason with him...and then.... Lucas and Claus begin to hear a voice, a familiar voice, it's their mother, reaching for them from beyond the grave, pleading for them to stop fighting, suddenly Lucas and Claus both have a flash back to when they were babies, overhearing their parents talk about the hopes they have for them, the many things they will be able to achieve together, this makes Clause snap out of his brain washing, removing the helmet that had been hiding his face since he was resurrected, Lucas and him have a moment as they are finally reunited, Claus realizes all the bad things he has done while under control of the bad guy and realizes he must atone for his crimes, he prepares a lightning attack he knows cannot hurt Lucas and cause HIM to die. "Im sorry for all the problems i caused" he says as he is dying on his dad's arm, "I must go to where mom is now", as he passes away he can hear his mother calling for him, "You just be so tired" she says. Now i know it will sound insane for people to hear a videogame of all things can make one so emotional, but damn, just recollecting these scenes for this dumb post has made me start to cry, the emotional punch of this scene is very strong, it demolished me when i played the game back in the day, but now? After my own mother passed away? I have been scared of playing this game again. I mot sure if im emotionally prepare to go though that again, even 10+ years later. That's how powerful this scene was to me.

-Elite Beat Agents, 2007 If you have played this game, you know were im going, for those who dont, EBA is a silly rhythm game about secret agent cheer leaders that are dispatched around the world to help people in need by raising their spirit and allow them to overcome adversity, the game is insanely wacky and have scenarios like helping a ninja car salesman prevent a company from stealing his company's secrets, helping a washed up baseball star fight a lava spitting golem rampaging on an amusement park and traveling back in time to help davinci paint the mona lisa. EBA is also the second game in the Ouendan series, and there is something you need to know about this series: They all include tearjerker levels to contrast with all the goofiness. "A christmas Wish" is a christmas themed level set to Chicago's "You are the inspiration" and the story to this level is positively DEVASTATING: A few months before christmas a business man tells his daughter and wife he has to go on a business trip but he promises he'll be back just in time for christmas, the girl asks him to bring back a "girlfriend" for her teddy bear. The father dies on a plane crash. When the mother breaks the news to the little girl she gets angry, crying to the skies that her dad promised he would be back for christmas. The backdrop of the stage is set the girl and the mom doing things to remember the dad, like looking through a photo album and baking a cake for his birthday, it's very sweet, but...this is EBA, if you're doing poorly you see the "bad" versions of these scenes, and in this one, one is very devastating, the little girl is having a dream where she's chasing the spirit of her dad, if you're doing well she calls for him and for a brief moment the dad stops and starts turning towards her, if you're doing bad the spirit fades away and the girl wakes up in tears. Dear goodness. But of course, if you beat the level you get this sequence of the ghost of the dad showing up on chrismas morning to fullfil his promise, giving the little girl the teddy bear he promised and having the chance to say good bye to his family.

This punches you really fucking hard in the gut. I am incapable of doing this level without ending in tears. For a time i could not even listen to this song without tearing up until, i shit you now, the deadpool movie used it on a comedy scene.

-Punch out!!, 2009 This one is one i know got me because of personal nostalgia, when i was a wee one the og NES punch out was a big part of my childhood, Punch Out!! on the wii was a masterfully crafted tribute to the franchise. To not dwell too much time on this, this game has an interesting quirk, the ending is a downer ending and it's the only ending you can get. After you beat the last opponent there is a sequence where Mac and Doc seemingly are having a disagreement, where Mac seemingly has decided that if he loses 3 times, he'll retire from boxing completely. After this you face randomly opponents from the game, the first time you lose in this mode you lose your champion title, after three loses, it's game over and the story mode becomes locked for that save file. The final cutscene is Doc walking through what seems to be a gallery with boxing memorabilia, and untold number of years later, he is alone, he spots his old bike on this gallery and rings the bell, he looks up and speak to an absent Mac, "Good job son, good job", as he leaves the camera pans to reveal he was looking at a framed photo of him and Mac on one of their training sessions. The music on this sequence is so perfect, and it was aimed at people like me, people who grew up with the franchise, the idea was making it feel like Doc was reminiscing of YOUR time with punch out when you were a kid, and to make you think about how far YOU have come since the first time you played the games in an arcade, or your nes, or snes. It's actually pretty effective and it got me.

-Regular Show, "Trucker Hall of Fame", 2012 What makes this one different from others instances of me making me emotional, it's, much like the "Angel Hare" example at the top, this one is all about WARM HAPPY FEELINGS, so for those who did not watch this episode, let me summarize it for you: One day Muscleman gets word that his dad, who was his personal hero, has passed away, and he's tasked with carrying his final wish, spread his [hat's] ashes in a place called "Trucker hall of fame", you see, Muscleman was lead to believe his dad was a legendary trucker and that earned him his admiration, but during the episode Muscleman finds out he was lied to, his dad was a forklift driver that the truckers belittled, altho feeling cheated for having been lied to he carries on with his father's wishes. Now because this is regular show, when they arrive at the trucker's hall of fame they are immediately attacked by ghost trucker for "desecrating the hall of fame" as they spread the ashes something happens: The ghost of Muscleman's dad manifests himself and saves his son, taking the chance to apologize to his son and having the chance to say his final good bye personally. Despite the inherent silliness of the show's premise, i think this episode really did a good job on expressing that sense of catharsis of making peace with the passing of a love one.

-The Final Girls, 2015 A friend suggested we watched this movie, and much like Twisted metal up there, i absolutely did not expect for this incredibly stupid comedy horror movie to hit me with any sort of emotional connection, and yet... The Final Girls opens with the main character in a car with her mom, who is an struggling C-tier actress whose biggest achievement ever was appearing on a Friday the 13th knock off movie, during this sequence they get in an accident where the mom dies and even after it's been some time since the accident the main character has not properly moved on from the passing of her mom. Her friends and some people at the college she attends are preparing this horror movie festival where the main event is they are going to play the movies from the franchise her mom was on, and they suggest she should come. Then some bullshit happens and they all end up somehow trapped in the world of the movie. A quick rundown of the rules of horror movies is explained to them, the monster cannot be defeated by fighting it, it's only the final girl who can defeat the killer, and unfortunately for them they accidentally killed the character that, in the canon of the movie, is the final girl, so they believe one of them has to become the final girl and end the movie to hopefully get out of it. The problem is, the main character is experimenting shock from interacting with her mom's character, she is not taking well to seeing her mom on the flesh and she dedicates the entire movie to "save her mom", in the climax of the movie the mom character begins to understand that she is a fictional character and the nature of her attachment to the main character, understanding that they cannot be both the final girl and if then main character wants to make it back to the real world she has to learn "To let go", choosing to sacrifice herself so there is only one final girl. It's kinda weird, that of all possible premises, this managed to make a "You need to move on" message that somehow managed to resonate with me, you might have figured out by now a running theme here, but, i was really hard for me to deal with my mother's passing even if it's been years since it happened, so it's kinda funny for me to think these are the places i have found comfort from.

-Undertale, 2015 Okay this is tumblr, i already talked about Undertale on the prologue to, whatever the fuck im doing here, you know what undertale is, you know how effective it is, Undertale is really well designed for you to grow emotionally attached to these characters, so being able to see all these characters you know have grown attached to have their happy ending on the pacifist ending does fill one with a very satisfactory warm happy feeling that can move you to tears. ...Or you can be bummed out by being a little greedy gaming bitch and taking a look at the bad ending. Because you just couldn't help yourself, could you?

-Onward, 2020 This movie did not hit me as hard as the most emotional entries on this, but it still got me, because in the end of the day the main motivation of the characters on this movie is experiencing closure, catharsis over the death of their father, for Ian it's the fact that he died before he was born so he never met him and is driven by this desire to finally see the father who he shares such a connection with on the stories everybody who knew him in life have told him, and then there is Barley, the elder brother, who did know his dad in life, but is tortured by how, as a kid, he did not properly say good bye to him because he was terrified of death and avoided being there for him in his final days. The ending for this movie is very powerful, Ian choosing to sacrifice being able to meet his dad in the flesh, even for a few minutes, in order to give Barley the chance to being able to properly make peace with his dad and properly say good bye to him. Ian doesn't even get to SEE this, he does not get to see his dad even tho it was what he wanted most of all, but he understood bringing closure to Barley was more important than his selfish desire to see his dad, someone he never knew in life.

So what have i learned from whatever the hell this trainwreck of a post is...i guess that what really gets to me, what really moves me, is when a character, maybe not even someone i can realistically relate to, gets to experience closure, catharsis and be in peace with the people who are missing on their life. The majority of these things in here, even the Angel Hare example, relate to a character being able to experience catharsis by being able to properly make pace or otherwise contact someone they lost, or their ability to move on from this world, so to speak, knowing that their affairs and in order and that their loved ones will be okay.

Things can always look dark, the world may be trying to keep you down, maybe losing someone has been specially hard for you, but it's not the end of the world, you are loved and things can get better, it always hurts and we'll never stop missing what we have lost, but the memories of happier times are there to remind us, we can be happy again, and we can move on, use those memories as your motivation, you can lead yourself to a future filled with light.

#rambling #onward #mother 3 #angel hare #twisted metal #punch out #yoshi's island #undertale #deltarune #regular show #courage the cowardly dog #EBA

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