#once you start misusing drugs and alcohol your life can get out of hand so quickly

[angelichl]

.

[mrwinterr]

The Devil Always Works Harder

Pairing: Lee Bodecker x Female Reader

Summary: Your husband can’t make it back in time for your wedding anniversary. The town’s sheriff takes notice and doesn’t plan to let you celebrate alone.

Warnings: Adult themes 18+ | Smut (unprotected & non/dub-con sex, vaginal penetration & fingering, belly bulge, breeding kink). Infidelity. Corruption. Language. Manipulation. Sexual assault. Mentions of alcohol consumption & misuse of drugs (date rape drug).

Disclaimer: The Devil All The Time (2020) film spoiler-free! Please be careful if you’re out in public and NEVER leave your drink unattended! I’d rather go thirsty than accept a drink from someone I’d just met, seemingly sealed in a bottle or not.

A/N: I’m not sure when date rape drugs became a thing, but for the sake of this fic, let’s just forget about specifics in the drug timelines.

Seconds turned into minutes, minutes quickly turned into an hour, and already you’d drank at least two glasses of water, ate a small basket of bread that was offered, the second growing stale in front of you, and you even made a trip to the restroom, but still there was no sign of your husband in the dimly lit restaurant.

Tonight, was your third wedding anniversary but it felt longer than that. You and your husband were high school sweethearts, so there’d been plenty of anniversaries throughout the years, and the love never faltered. The pair of you were very understanding and caring of each other. He was really the one.

He’d been away for at least four days now on a business trip, and while you were used to him traveling for work, tonight was different. It was your wedding anniversary, and he was set to return to town in time to celebrate another milestone of the relationship. It’s not like there was much to be excited about when hitting the streets of Knockemstiff, but tonight you were given a reason to look extra nice and just enjoy an evening out with your husband, maybe even cap it off lovingly in bed. Who knows? Maybe tonight would even be the night you two start trying for a family.

You do your best to sit there trying to not look so dejected as you stare at the condensation budding on the outsides of your glass of water, but you’d been occupying this table for a long time now while the other occupants enjoyed their dinner around you. They just had to have noticed you’d been stood up by now. The eyes felt heavy on you. It’s not until the waiter tending to you the whole night breaks the spell.

“Excuse me, miss?”

Sitting up straight you listen to what he has to say; perhaps if you needed yet another refill or wanted to go ahead and place an order, but it wasn’t any of those. Instead, he informs you that they’d received a phone call a few minutes ago from your husband, claiming he was extremely sorry for not being able to make the reservation.

Still keeping up with appearance, but you know you’re failing miserably to look okay, you thank the waiter for the message and leave a decent amount of cash to pay for the establishment letting you practically loiter there for an hour and occupy the table.

Before you leave, you ask if you can borrow the phone to make a quick phone call, which they were kind enough to allow you to. Your husband had given you the number of the hotel he was staying at a few towns over, and you wanted to not only make sure he’s okay, but at least speak to him on your anniversary.

“Hello?” You hear his tired voice through the receiver.

“Hey, babe, it’s me,” you reply, clutching the phone closer to you, like that’d make you feel any better. The distance was still large, and you longed for him to return.

“Hey! Honey, I’m so sorry,” he says, very apologetic, “the client is asking us to come back and present a final pitch tomorrow and then they’ll make a decision on if they want to sign a deal with us...”

The company he worked for was very prominent and credible in the area. He provided for you both just fine and you knew how important this client was to them. He was leading this pitch with his boss close by, and you were made aware that if they successfully closed this deal it would send him to a promotion and you’d both be set, enough to possibly leave the rough town of Knockemstiff. This was no place for you, and he was determined to get you both out of here as soon as he could.

“Oh, yeah. No, I get it,” you respond, trying to sound as understanding as you could without giving off how crushed you actually were that he wouldn’t be returning tonight. Twirling the coiled telephone cord around your pointer and attempting to lighten the mood, “I do. I know they’ll sign!” You boost, and hear his cute laugh drown with the static of the connection.

“Happy Anniversary,” he says sincerely, and you can tell that he genuinely feels bad for standing you up tonight, but at least he had the decency to call the place and let you know.

“Happy Anniversary,” you repeat then continue to let him speak. He promises you he’ll be back tomorrow and if everything goes as planned, he’ll spoil you with a trip, a little getaway for you both. It fills you with so much hope that after the exchanges of “I love you”, the call ends, and you’re feeling slightly better than you had minutes ago.

Make no mistake, you were still upset, letting your make-up, hair and dress go to waste. It wasn’t the first time he’d had to extend a trip. You thought you were used to it, but again, it was your anniversary. It knocked you down a bit that life was cruel enough to not let you have just this one thing.

As if that wasn’t enough, the sudden downpour was the cherry on top of it all as you were now left standing on the sidewalk, using your long dress coat as a makeshift umbrella, while waiting for a cab. You’d taken one earlier to the restaurant, but the idea was to go home with your husband in his car that he’d taken for the trip.

You contemplate for a few minutes to leave your post and head back towards the restaurant to stand under the awning for shade. With this much rain, you were doubting you’d be able to hail a cab anytime soon. The water seeps into your nice heels with each step through the puddles, water splashing against your legs, and the ends of your dress dripping.

Once under the tiny roof, you shake off the water on your coat before slipping your arms back through the sleeves and try to warm up as best as you can, while waiting for the rain to let up.

“Mr. Perfect stand you up, tonight?” You suddenly hear a voice pipe up next to you. The voice is smooth and a familiar one, and not just because it was prominent to the townspeople of Knockemstiff, but because you’ve heard it almost your whole life.

You turn to see Lee Bodecker, childhood friend and the town Sheriff, uniform-clad, badge slightly fogged from the moisture of the weather but still as shiny as ever on his left breast pocket and topped with his campaign hat.

“Hey, Lee,” you greet him, ignoring the comment about your husband, as he lights a cigarette.

He always called him that and hardly ever by his first name. Even physically around the man, he’d resort to calling him by his last name and you’re not sure if it’s because there was something personal between them or where you all stood in life, but surely them having known each other since high school you’d think there would be no need for formalities amongst...friends? Acquaintances? Whatever they were to each other, they weren’t strangers.

You’d lived in Knockemstiff your whole life and was around the same age as Lee. You grew up going to the same school, church, camps...he was a constant in your life. You liked to think he was a friend. He on the other hand liked to think more. He always wanted more than what he already had.

“You look nice tonight,” he compliments before blowing out a cloud of smoke into the stuffy air.

“Thanks, but no,” you begin explaining why you ended up alone tonight, “he’s having to extend his business trip,” not like you owed it to him or anything, but you suppose it wouldn’t hurt to kill time talking to an old friend.  

“You sure it’s not something else…” he trails off while looking forward, not paying mind to your bewildered expression. Of course, you’d think that was the most outlandish idea. He knew you were madly in love with your dear husband and he would never think twice about him cheating on you. The two of you were just too perfect. It was almost sickening to him.

“He would never!” Your voice raised, but not as to shout out at him, but loud enough to appear insulted and defensive. Your arms crossed over your chest, upset that he would insinuate your husband would be unfaithful to you. You trusted him and he trusted you, that’s what made the dream work.

“I’m not saying he would,” he says flicking the white stick of the ashes on the end, “...would be a damn fool to,” the last bit more to himself before taking another drag.

If he thought you didn’t catch the last part, he was wrong. You weren’t completely oblivious to Lee’s advances, no matter how little they were. People talked, your husband especially, noting the soft spot the Sheriff had for you. He was always nice to you and you didn’t think any harm of him. He was rough around the edge, but that’s how he had to be. Plus, he was married, and your heart was spoken for.

“How’d you know I was even here?” You ask curiously. How did he know your husband was a no show tonight?

“Think I’m some stalker?” He jokes, a grin spreads across his features, and you blush embarrassed you’d made it sound as if he was a creep, “I was hungry and heard this place was nice.”

He was in there? You’d been people watching the whole time you were inside, and not once did you recall spotting Lee at a table. You shrug that thought aside, settling with the fact that he was a trained official, and it was his job to blend in and keep a watchful eye.

“I wouldn’t know,” your remark sounding a tad bit petty. You didn’t get to eat anything on the menu aside from the free bread. A few more seconds go by, before he speaks again, waiting for the uncomfortable topic of your date being cancelled tonight to pass.

“You’re never going to catch a cab in this weather,” he points out, tossing the rest of his cigarette onto the soiled ground and stomping on it. He hears you let out a big sigh knowing he’s right. “Come on. My car’s not too far,” he offers, his head cocked to the side in the direction of the lot.

The last thing you wanted to appear as was helpless, but that’s what you were in this moment. Spirits down, soaked and stranded. You shrug your coat off again to cover your head before reluctantly accepting his offer, not noticing the wicked curvature of his lips on his pudgy face.

He wasn’t having dinner inside that restaurant at all. He was aware that your wedding anniversary was tonight, and had your husband been able to attend, Lee got some sort of sick pleasure in tormenting him in front of you, even with something as silly as bringing up a past memory unfavorable to your beloved, and luck seemed to be on Lee’s side tonight.

Lee knew where you lived. He’d visited a few times from the outside, and as an official he knew the town almost like the back of his own hand. The rain seemed persistent by the second. You could make a run for it up the steps of your front porch into the safety of your home, but you knew how bad the roads could get on a stormy night. Lee didn’t leave you stranded tonight, and you wouldn’t feel right leaving him stranded in his police car overnight.

You hang your coat on the nearby rack by the front door and extend the courtesy to Lee, who hands you his hat and worn-out leather jacket. He slips off his wet shoes, not wanting to leave a trail of muddy prints in the pristine home. It was a beautiful house. You kept it nice and clean, it was basically a model home. Lee couldn’t help the scowl on his face, while your back was turned to him as he followed you deeper into the house, just thinking about how your husband won again. His home couldn’t compare to what he gave you.

After stowing away your heels in the closet, trading them for a comfy pair of house slippers, you tell Lee to make himself comfortable in the living room, while you disappear into the kitchen to make a quick snack. You opt for a nice variety of meats, cheese, crackers and some fruit on a small charcuterie board.

When you returned to the living room, Lee had been inspecting the artifacts that decorated your home. The framed photos of you and your husband, his bright smile almost mocking him as he glared at it. He’d sure like to knock that smug son of a bitch stiff himself, alright. Other items that scattered the home were of the souvenirs from his trips, tiny religious figures, and other trinkets that made the home your own. Oh, you had it made, he thought.

Lee never liked your husband. He believed he was well on his way to snagging you, until he moved into town that year during high school, and when you both met, people called it love at first sight. Lee felt like he was always out bested by him, he one-upped Lee in almost everything. It was ridiculous, but it wounded his male ego, and even up to now, with the kind of power he possessed, he still felt like he came in second place and your husband ultimately won because he had you - the real prize.

He does his best to maintain his composure at the sight of your exposed cleavage, the dress you wore accentuated your bust nicely, as he turns around just in time to see you bent down to place the board on the coffee table. When you come back up, you offer him a seat on the couch.

“Got anything nice to drink around here?” He asks, and you mentally scold yourself for not being a good hostess and initially offering him a beverage upon arrival. You list out a plethora of usual choices, water, coffee, tea, a bottle of pop even, but he was looking for something hard. Neither you or your husband were heavy drinkers, so you didn’t stock up on liquor, but tonight was supposed to be special, so technically you had something.

“Well, I do have this nice bottle of wine, but…” your words trailing off. You probably wouldn’t be able to enjoy it anytime soon. If your husband successfully closed the deal tomorrow, he’d probably be thrust with more responsibilities and longer hours, before you two could escape on that getaway he promised to take you on. “...I was saving it for my anniversary tonight,” the words come out pathetically and you curse yourself for even mentioning you had the bottle and its purpose, but you were awful at lying.

He lets out a tiny scoff, no doubt amused on being reminded that Mr. Perfect couldn’t be here to rightfully celebrate your union. “There’s no use letting it go to waste, right?” He says, it was almost effortless on his part, like his whole domineering appearance made people bend to his every will.

“I guess you’re right,” you agree and turn back around to grab the pricey bottle and two glasses. It was a little weird at first, drinking with an official of the law, but he did his best to make it feel more like two friends catching up over drinks.

Suppose it had been the effects of the alcohol, you were definitely not a frequent drinker, but it made you feel more at ease and open enough to get through the night with your guest. Lee knows very well that you’ve been a good girl your whole life. The girl next door. An angel in his eyes, who attended church regularly and lent a helping hand to the community, he knew with his track record you’d never settle or trade the life you had now to be with his sorry ass. Not to mention, he let himself go after his marriage to Florence; he’d settled that was for sure.

He kept tabs on you, more than of the suspects he’d be tipped about. You figured he was just dedicated to his job and not much of his seemingly harmless rounds around your usual routes. It wasn’t a big town after all; you ran into people all the time.

With your legs folded underneath you, the alcohol settled itself in your system enough for you to relax, not realizing your dress had ridden up, so much that if Lee were to just recline a few inches back, he’d get a peak of your panties. The food and bottle of wine halfway through, Lee started probing into your personal life. Was everything all that it cracked out to be? Were you really happy with your husband? What did he have to do?

He works his way cleverly in conversation. Starting with old memories of growing up together and embarrassing high school moments, before asking the more personal ones. The elicited memories served as a blanket of faux trust, to get you to confine him. Good old Lee, you’ve shared countless memories with him, you could trust him, right?

You didn’t realize you’d drunkenly admit how you’re ready to start a family with your husband, but the thought of his impending promotion would halt the idea. Maybe he wasn’t ready just yet. You’re alone at home for the majority of the day, you were ready and were getting tired of waiting, but you made a vow to do whatever it takes to make this marriage last even if it meant putting a pause on things you wanted.

Lee notices the wistful look that washed over your delicate features. On the outside you were happy, but on the inside, you yearn for more. A better life outside of Knockemstiff, with a more devoted husband and someday soon a baby in the picture. No doubt, he would’ve given you that immediately...

“I’d never leave yo-” he quickly catches his slip-up, before recovering, “Florence. I’d never leave my wife alone, especially on our own wedding anniversary,” he says, voice growing almost husky, and suddenly you’re uneasy at the close proximity between you two.

You could even smell the alcohol on his breath, see the way it made his lips shine, staining it a deeper shade of red. You remain unmoving for a moment, like you’re hypnotized by his alluring blue eyes. You thought they were rather nice, very different from your husband’s eyes. Your mind clouded, you started convincing yourself of something you’d never felt before, an attraction to Lee Bodecker.

It was absolutely not a match made in Heaven, but Lee always wanted a taste, and you were the embodiment of forbidden fruit. He notices your glossy eyes but thinks nothing of it. You’re scared, scared to break your sacred vows, ashamed of yourself for thinking about someone in another light other than your husband.

Not wanting to turn this into a pity party or even think about what would happen if you didn’t cut the tension now, you excuse yourself and keep busy by cleaning up the remnants of your “dinner” and pick up the charcuterie board to take back to the kitchen and begin cleaning up. The slight wobble in your step indicates you’re almost gone and would have to call it a night.

In your absence, Lee fishes out a tiny plastic bag he had stashed with him from a previous bust. Some stupid teenage party, and with his power, it meant he had access to all the confiscated substances the precinct collected. He decides to pour you both another glass but pays special attention to yours. When he hears the rush of water from the kitchen, he takes advantage of the stalled time to slip and allow the drug to settle in your glass, careful to measure just enough based on your body mass, so as to at least keep you conscious.

When you reappear, Lee stands up, glass in each hand, yours outstretched to you. You want to refuse, knowing your limit, but not wanting to be a downer, you give in and accept the doomed glass.

“To wedded bliss?” Lee toasts to you and your husband, raising his glass slightly up towards yours, to which you force a smile and clink the cup ware together.  

Two gulps in, your head starts spinning, and you blink your eyes a couple of times to keep your line of vision straight, but it doesn’t. Lee sets his glass back down on the coffee table and swoops right in, an arm cradling the small of your back to keep you steady before you stumble to the floor. He grabs your glass and sets it next to his, still holding you close, your hands are covering your face as if to wipe off the effects of the alcohol.

“You alright there, gorgeous?” He asks with a light pep in his voice as if he found some humor in this. He certainly did. You were a lightweight and it wouldn’t take long for him to finally get what he’s always wanted. It couldn't have been more of a blessing in disguise that you were left all alone, vulnerable on this particular night of your life. The devil always works harder…

“Yeah, I-I think I just need to lie down,” you say disoriented. Eyelids heavy, you try to focus on Lee’s concerned face, your hands settled on his chest.

“Then let’s get you to your bed so you can rest properly,” he nods before taking your hands in his calloused ones. He reveled in how soft they were and how nice they’d feel wrapped around his cock, tugging him until he came undone.

“It’s okay, Lee,” you attempt to thwart his plan and remove your hands from his. A part of you had some sensibility to remind you that your bedroom was sacred, and no one else, especially another man that wasn’t your husband should be left alone with you in it, “I-I can...m-make it there on...m-my own,” you struggle in convincing him.

“I’m not so sure you can, sweetheart,” he starts to reason, “just let me help you,” and then pulls your body back to prevent you from falling again. You let out a strange noise, which causes him to laugh. You stagger in guiding him to the master bedroom, but soon enough he’s successfully laid you on top of the large bed.

As soon as your body hit the mattress, you felt weightless, almost as if you were floating in the clouds. Nothing hurt and nothing mattered, it felt kind of good, suppose that’s why some people abused certain drugs. It wasn’t until you felt a pair of rough hands running up the length of your thighs, dangerously close to the hem of your dress.

“What?” You speak out ever so confused, hands coming down on his wrists to stop him from traveling further up.

“Relax, babe,” Lee says as tender as he could be, your hands weakening their hold, “I just want you to feel comfortable in your own bed.” He was crossing a line and had you been able to think clearly, you’d have kicked him out, but Lee didn’t even entertain that possibility at all. What were you going to do? Call the cops? He was the law. No one would believe you.

“I-I,” you stutter profusely, “I don’t think you should be...doing that,” you manage to say, his hands long gone under your dress, grabbing the sides of your hips, hands full of your flesh. You weren’t going to lie, it felt nice to be touched again, but as soon as Lee started to lean in, your legs bent up to block him, your body still playing in defense over him. His hands reemerge from your dress and settle themselves on top of your knees.

“Lee, I-,” all words disappear from you, you can’t seem to find them or the strength to enforce them, especially when he parts your legs, climbing into bed with you, he maneuvers his body to settle in between, and he’s careful to not crush you with his weight.

“What is it, baby?” He asks, then tests the waters by planting featherweight kisses on the skin of your exposed cleavage that’d been teasing him all night, “What do you want?” Each kiss burns, but the substances flowing through your veins turns it into sheer pleasure that you start to lust for more.

His lips make their path up the column of your neck, until their ghosting right above yours. Your breaths mingled with one another, eyes staring at the small gap between your lips. Your mouth opens and you try to speak, but nothing comes out. Lee however takes the initiative and closes the space, his tongue wasting no time delving right in.

When the muscle makes contact with yours, you’re not sure what to do at first. A part of you wanted to voice out that you’d wanted him to kiss you, relieve you of the frustration, and the other part wanted to demand he get off. You were always faithful to your husband, the initial shock needed to pass by first.

Lee notices your frozen state, and coaxes against your lips, “don’t fight it, baby,” his hands wander and explore all the fields of your body, “you deserve to feel good...I can make you feel good...better than he ever could.”

Your head starts to turn to the side, your willpower isn't going down yet still putting up a fight against this act of sin, but their efforts fail as he forcibly grips you by the chin, directing you back to his lips. The kiss is sloppy on his part as you’d still manage to not reciprocate his affections.

“You’re allowed to feel good, doll,” and by some unexplained phenomena, it was as if his words gave you the push, the permission, to give in to temptation.

When he’s sure you’re locked in place, he lets his hand loose to grope at and knead your breasts through the material of your dress. Your lips started to relax and move against his. His handy work causes you to sigh through your nose and it encourages him to slide the straps down your shoulder, pull at the top of your dress, and yank at your bra, allowing your breasts to spill out.

The skin-to-skin contact causes an abrupt jolt to course through you as you involuntarily arch up into his body. Your sensitive nipples rolling in between the pads of his fingertips, causes your breathing to hitch. Lee tears his lips away from yours to take a gander at your exposed top half, and he audibly swears at the very sight. That son of bitch husband of yours, keeping you housed practically all day, away from anyone. He can’t entirely blame him there, he’d want no one to get any ideas of you behind closed doors either. At least they could agree on one thing - you.

Breathless, you start tugging at the end of his tie, desperate to feel his lips back on yours, and he doesn’t disappoint, going in for a bruising kiss. Your hands unwittingly start undoing the knot at the front of his neck, unbutton the top of his shirt, but he stops them, and pins them at the sides of your head. He was going to leave his clothes on for now, not sure if you’d be turned off by him - drugged or not.

You let out a whine and stare up at him with big, pleading eyes. The smirk on his lips, makes your stomach flip. You were losing this battle. You sealed your fate, there was no coming back from this now.

Lee ruts his hips forward, the rough material of his pants scraping against your delicate under garment, and you let out a guttural moan, his hard on evident and poking at you the more he does it because he loves each and every sound that escapes you.

He lets go of one of your hands and revisits an earlier task, slipping back underneath your dress. His fingers push aside the slit of your panties, enough to let him run his fingers through your unashamed wet folds. It was so wrong, but you couldn’t control the itch anymore. Lee hisses lightly, the effect he had on you all too evident.

His ministrations are slow and calculated, running his fingers up and down, your arousal coating his digits, rubbing small circles at the nub, and just right at the entrance. You inhale sharply when he slips a finger in, your hand still cuffed by his other, the intrusion causes your fingers to curl around his wrist, your nails slightly puncture his skin. You’d only been with your husband, and the comparison between him and Lee were indisputable.

He drags his finger back out before digging in again, this time almost knuckle deep. You bite your lip and stare back at his eyes that have turned dark, almost black, full of desire. He’s all but enamored by every bit of reaction he pulls out of you. He’s judging by the looks of it, your husband didn’t think out of the box, wasn’t exciting enough. What a bore, he thought. A woman like you, deserved to feel all sorts of pleasure. And you felt incredibly tight around his digit alone, he could hardly wait to bury his cock inside you.

“That feels good, huh, baby?” He pretends to ask, but he knows it does. It’s written all over you, you’re breathing deeper, eyes closed, intensified by ecstasy just running through you. Nonetheless, you nod in response, and it turns him on even more at how obedient you are.

“You want to feel more?” He tempts you. Your eyes flutter open and look at him again, faces close once more, the tip of his nose nudging your own. Growing impatient with your answer, without warning he curls his finger inside and lightly scratches at your walls.

“Yes, yes!” You say, stunned by the sudden trick, but also loving it.

“That’s a good girl,” he praises, right before reclaiming your lips with his. Your complete and utter mush underneath him, his kiss sends your mind in a frenzy. Your hands fisting at his short hair, any trace of inhibition completely leaves your body.

He pulls you into an upright position, lips never parting only for the brief seconds when he pulls your rumpled dress over your head. Your bra casted aside, hanging on the edge of the bed, closest to your husband’s side as if to mock him.

You attempt to untuck his shirt, pulling roughly at the material, Lee laughs at your eagerness. It’s all but muffled as your other hand, at the nape of his neck, pulls him impossibly closer to you, lips moving feverishly on his. The faint stubble on his face burning the corner of your lips and jaw, a sharp contrast between your husband, who kept a clean-shaven face.

Lee parallels your legs to easily pull your panties down, then gets between them once more before pushing you to back down on the bed. You lie there, watching him hovering over you, your eyes travel down his large body and are mesmerized on his hands working to unbuckle his pants. He leans into you again, and kicks his pants off, the thud of the metal belt clanking on the bedroom door serves as an indicator.

You daringly, sneak your hands down south and grip his hard cock through his boxers, catching Lee off guard. Your heart pounded heavily in your ears, all you could hear was the sound of blood rushing as you felt, firsthand, at what you’d be dealing with tonight. It only increased your appetite and sexual curiosity.

Palming him, you start to gauge at the length and girth, but you didn’t want to leave the rest of the imagination, so you reach in and pull his member out, the tip already leaking with pre-cum, staining your palms. He bucks into your hands and you both let out sighs of pleasure when you start rubbing the bulbous head of his cock on your soaking cunt.

Lee swats your hands away, wanting to be in control again. He rids himself of his boxers, tosses the end of his tie over his shoulder and on his back, and picks up the flaps of his police shirt. He does all this to give you both a clear view of his cock as he slowly sinks into your wet channel.

As soon as he disappears inside, so deep you feel the underside of his clothed belly against your lower body, Lee looks up at you, desperate to see your expression, getting off at how good he made you feel. Your head thrown back, lost between the fluffy pillow you were resting on, mouth hung wide out. He was so much bigger, and Lee knew then that he won in at least one other aspect of their little battles.

You gripped him like a vice, your body not used to this kind of intrusion. He moved in-and-out slowly, the tear from each stretch of his thick cock gradually became less painful. Lee studies your facial features, waiting patiently as the creases between your eyebrows start to disappear, and your breathing turns from choking on air to puff sighs and breathy moans.

Your thighs start to loosen and the walls that grip around his hard member relaxes, your eyes peer open again and get a glimpse of the work. You start whimpering at how just as good it looked than it felt. Lee snaps his hips hard the next time, now that the worst part has passed.

As much as he’d rather plow you deep into the mattress at a fast pace, he also wanted to savor the feeling of your warm walls, squeezing him just right for as long as he could last. Who knows when he’d be able to get you alone again? Maybe he should stop by more when Mr. Perfect was out on another business trip.

His thrusts back in are long and hard, a strangled noise escaping you each time, only fuels him. He picks himself up, resting his body weight on his knees, he hooks his arms underneath your legs and pulls your body upwards, your ass resting on top of his thighs. You grip at the bedsheets, a corner popping off, as the new position allows his cock to probe at different areas inside you. It didn’t take long for you to convulse around him, wrecked with euphoria from the orgasm.

Your legs falling slack in his arms when you come down slow. It was apparent, you hadn’t had it that good in a while or Lee would peg, ever, just convinced he was a better lover in bed than your husband. He was wrong before; you could have it so much better with him. Lee reaches over to caress your face, skin hot and cheeks flushed, but the touch provides a sense of comfort and tenderness.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he says blown away by the sight of you overcome with pleasure, and spread open, completely bare for him. His eyes scanning your body from your head to where you both were connected.  

That’s when he notices it. His hand travels down and braces itself on top of your belly, right where his dick poked, feeling the slight bulge. The mere thought of you swollen riled him up. If you wanted a baby, he’d give you one. You didn’t need to ask if he was ready or not, he’d give you however many you desired.

“You want to be a mommy so bad, dontchu?” his voice all gruff and thrusts picking up speed, “I’ll give you a baby,” he promises and continues to pound into you, tenderness a thing in the past. It was now all about his climax and living up to his new promise.

“Huh?” you question, a sense of knowing creeping back in when he says this, “no, no, please don’t,” you start begging, legs trying to kick him off before he cums inside, “Lee,” your pleading hopeless and futile against him as his hips ram into yours forcibly, no doubt you’d be incredibly sore in the morning at the sudden roughness. It gave him a thrill to fuck you in the same place where you and your husband slept.

His lips litter wet kisses all over your exposed neck, you pay no attention to it as the tears stream down the corner of your eyes, burn your ears, and you’re exactly what you hoped to not appear as, completely helpless. The death grip he has around your waist holds you still long enough for your body to absorb every drop of his seed. You hadn’t realized your hands were braced against his sweaty shirt as if to attempt to push him off, but he was much stronger than you, they formed into clutching onto handfuls of the material instead as you felt his load shoot into your womb.

For a few minutes, Lee stays put, still inside of you, trying to remember how you feel around him. He filled you to the brim, as some of the mixed juices pooled around the base. Lee lets out a low groan, as your walls involuntarily contract around him, like you’re trying to suck him back in as he slowly pulls out.

He collapses on your husband’s side of the bed, but just before he does, he reaches down at his discarded pants on the floor for the carton of cigarettes in one of the pockets, the lighter in the other. When he’s back in a reclining position, a few drags in, he looks over the opposite of him, and studies you.

Your body shining with a thin layer of sweat, hair matted and stuck on parts of your face, your breathing had seemed to regulate once more. It might as well appear that you were sleeping and not recovering from a good fucking.

“You still with me, doll?” He asks for safe measure before lightly tapping the sides of your face. When you make no protest or movement at all, he mentally applauds himself for a job well done. You’d sleep through the night and he’d be long gone before your husband returned.

By now, the rain had since died down, roads were safe for driving, and well into the late-night hours. Lee finished his cigarette and decided it was time to tidy up and make his exit. He’d set the scene as if you’d been drinking alone tonight. He carefully slipped your clothes back on, tenderly wiped you, and even cleaned the glass you were drinking from earlier, to rid of any traces of sludge, in the kitchen sink. He did everything to make sure there were no holes in this plan.

Before Lee leaves you, he stares at your sleeping fame. So sweet, he says to himself, while tracing the outline of your lips with his finger then leaning down to feel them soft against his for one final taste. 

The next morning you hear your name being called out repeatedly, and even with the slight pounding ache on the side of your head and remaining grogginess, you recognize the voice to be of your husband’s. He was back, and you regrettably attempt to sit up to welcome him home with loving arms, but the sudden and quick movements only increase the drumming in your head.

“Whoa, take it easy, babe,” he says, gently resting his arms on yours and pushing you back down on the bed, “looks like you had a long night,” he comments.

“What?” You ask why he’d think that. You don’t remember much of last night other than him cancelling on your wedding anniversary...and the very vivid dream you had about Lee Bodecker. Yeah, too vivid it made your stomach flip, but also it felt all too real except it couldn’t be. You’d never sleep with another and break your vow and he was a married man.  

He figured you’d have trouble remembering, but he explains that he found the opened bottle of wine, you’d saved for the both of you, the stained glass next to it on the coffee table, and you passed out in bed still in your dress. It was then you noticed you were still in last night’s attire, so any wild thoughts that crossed your mind earlier of infidelity were scratched out.

“I thought something was wrong,” he expresses worriedly.

“Why would there be anything wrong?” You ask now confused. Despite the dull ache in your lower region, you were in the safety of your home, and you didn’t have a history of drinking heavily before, so last night was just a fluke.

He starts informing you of how your kind and elderly neighbor had noticed a sheriff’s vehicle parked in front of your house for a few hours, “…said she’d gotten worried something had happened to you when she saw the car...” he pauses, a hint of annoyance on his face at his next words, “...but said once she saw Lee step out, she knew you’d be safe, and well, I can’t disagree with her on that. Lee would never let anything happen to you.”  

You didn’t even pay attention to his last few words, too caught up when he revealed Lee was in fact here last night. The idling, dull ache now suddenly growing, and you do your best to swallow down the small bile rising in your throat at the revelation that confirmed your suspicions. The dream you had about Lee couldn’t have been a dream, but reality. Not only had you committed adultery, you were ashamed of the heat between your legs at the flashback of how good he made you feel.

You knew you’d never consent to such a thing. Was this a case of sexual assault? And could it be classified as one if you were just as willing? It confused you greatly, not wanting to believe Lee manipulated you to having sex with him. You couldn’t recall any part of how it began, where he had done something wrong other than also cheating on his wife. Oh, poor Florence, you thought to yourself and it only added to the headache.  

“I guess I owe him some form of gratitude for making sure you’re okay,” he says reluctantly, almost a little pained and forced, “oh honey, don’t strain yourself,” he advises, nursing your obvious hangover.

He’d mistaken the look of sheer horror and internal heartache for illness. Like the doting husband he was, he helped you slip into something comfortable and less restricting before heading into the kitchen to fix you up something light to eat.

As you laid there in the tainted bed, you prayed for forgiveness. You lived your life carefully and to your best ability, morally, how could this have plagued you? Was there an appropriate way to confess your infidelity to your husband? He wouldn’t tolerate it, you knew that much, and you wouldn’t blame him for leaving you.

The thought of a life without him scared you, but not as much as the possibility of a life that wasn’t a product of your love growing inside of you.

A/N: Yeah, I don’t even know. I’ve been reading a couple of Lee Bodecker fics and I was tempted. Thanks for reading! Please give this a like, reblog or comment if you enjoyed!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Podcasting "Qualia"

This week on my podcast, I read “Qualia,” my May, 2021 Locus Magazine column about quantitative bias, epidemiology, antitrust and drug policy. It’s a timely piece, given the six historic antitrust laws that passed the House Judiciary Committee last week:

https://doctorow.medium.com/moral-hazard-and-monopoly-42e30eb159a8

The pandemic delivered some hard lessons about quantitative bias — that’s when you pay attention to the parts of a problem that you can do math on, not because they’re the most important, but because you know how to do math.

The most obvious lesson comes from the failure of exposure notification apps, which were supposed to take the place of “shoe-leather” contact tracing, wherein a public health workers establish personal rapport with infected people to help identify others who might be at risk.

Contact tracing is a human process, built on trust: trust enough to talk about the intimate details of your life, trust enough to take advice on how to get tested and whether you should self-isolate.

That’s not what apps do.

Exposure notification apps measure whether a Bluetooth device you registered was close to another Bluetooth device for a “clinically significant” period of time.

That’s it.

They don’t measure qualitative aspects, like whether you were close to an infected person because you were in the same traffic jam in adjacent, sealed automobiles — or whether you were both at the Ft Lauderdale eyeball-licking championship.

And they certainly don’t create the personal rapport that’s needed to understand each person’s idiosyncratic health circumstances and complications — whether they need child care, or are at risk of losing their under-the-table jobs if they self-isolate.

We didn’t want to commit the resources to do contact tracing at scale, we didn’t know how to automate it — but we did know how to automate exposure notification, so we incinerated the qualitative elements and declared the dubious quantitative residue to be sufficient.

It’s the quant’s version of searching for your car keys under the lamp-post because it’s too dark where you dropped them.

It’s not just foolish, it’s also deceptive — quantizing qualitative elements is a subjective exercise that produces numbers that seem objective.

This is where antitrust law comes in. Prior to the neoliberal revolution of the Reagan years, antitrust concerned itself with “harmful dominance,” with regulators asking whether mergers and commercial practices were bad for the world.

Obviously, “bad for the world” is hard to measure. Regulators evaluated claims from all corners: both political scientists worried about the outsized lobbying power of large companies and workers worried about monopolies’ outsized power over wages and conditions got a say.

So did environmentalists, urban planners, and yes, economists, too.

The Chicago School — hard-right conservative economists with cult-like status among Reagan and big business simps — insisted that all this qualitative stuff had to go.

They argued that consideration of qualitative elements left too much up to judges, so two similar companies engaged in similar conduct might get different verdicts out of the antitrust system. This, they said, make a mockery of the notion of “equal treatment before the law.”

Instead, the Chicago Boys — led by Robert Bork, a Nixonite criminal and a sort of court sorcerer to Reagan — demanded that qualitative measures be left behind in favor of a purely quantitative analysis of whether a monopoly hurt “consumer welfare.”

The way you’d measure “consumer welfare” was by checking to see whether a monopoly was making prices go up — if not, the monopoly was deemed “efficient” and thus socially beneficial. Prices are numbers, numbers can be measured.

But that’s not how it worked in practice. When two companies wanted to merge, they could hire a Chicago fixer to construct a mathematical model that “proved” that they resulting megafirm would not raise prices.

No one could argue with this, because Chicago School consultants had a monopoly over building and interpreting these models — the same way court magicians laid exclusive claim to the ability to slaughter an animal and read the future in its guts.

And if the prices did go up? Well, the same Chicago model-makers would be paid to produce a new model to prove that the price-rises were not the result of monopoly, but rather, rising energy costs or higher wages or the moon being in Venus.

Even by their own lights, “consumer welfare” was a failure. Monopolies drive prices up. Amazon Prime is a tool to drive up prices in every store, not just Amazon:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/06/01/you-are-here/#prime-facie

Apple’s App Store monopoly drives up app prices:

https://www.engadget.com/2019-05-13-supreme-court-apple-app-store-price-fixing-lawsuit.html

Luxxotica bought every eyewear brand and every eyewear retailer and the world’s largest optical lens manufacturer and drove prices up 1000%:

https://www.latimes.com/business/lazarus/la-fi-lazarus-glasses-lenscrafters-luxottica-monopoly-20190305-story.html

The highly concentrated pharma industry raises prices every single year:

https://patientsforaffordabledrugs.org/2021/01/14/2021-price-hikes-pr/

What’s more, there’s a straight line from “consumer welfare” to price-fixing.

Think about publishing. A decade ago, the Big Six publishers were embroiled in a bid to force Amazon to raise ebook prices, which led to fines and settlements for harming “consumer welfare.”

Today, the Big Six publishers are the Big Four, because Random House, the largest publisher in the world, gobbled up Penguin and Simon & Schuster. When RH, S&S and Penguin were three companies, it was illegal for them to collude on pricing.

But after their mergers, the three former CEOs — now presidents of divisions within an unimaginably giant company — can meet in a board room and plan exactly the same price-fixing strategy, and that isn’t illegal under “consumer welfare” antitrust — it’s “efficient.”

The Chicago School’s “consumer welfare” was only ever a front for “shareholder welfare,” the ability of large firms to avoid “wasteful competition” and extract an ever-larger share of the take for shareholders at the expense of customers, workers and the public.

The entire business of “consumer welfare” is a fraud, starting with Robert Bork’s insistence that a close reading of the US’s four major antitrust laws will reveal that they were never intended to be used for any purpose *other* than consumer welfare protections.

This is manifestly untrue, a Qanon-grade conspiracy that is refuted by the plain language of the statutes, the statements of their sponsors, and the record of the Congressional debates leading to their passage.

Despite the wealth of evidence that US antitrust is not a “consumer welfare” project, neoliberals have insisted that their project was not “reforming” antitrust, but rather, “restoring” it to its original purpose.

It’s a Big Lie, and they know it. That’s why GOP Senators Mike Lee (UT) and Chuck Grassley (IA) introduced “The TEAM Act to Reform Antitrust Law” — a bill intended to neutralize the muscular new antitrust bills that just passed the House committee.

https://washingtonmonthly.com/2021/06/25/the-plan-to-water-down-antitrust-reform/

The bill does two things:

It takes antitrust authority away from the FTC, sidelining the incredible Lina Khan, a once-in-a-generation antitrust scholar who now runs the agency; and

It codifies “consumer welfare” as the basis for US antitrust law.

That second part is the tell: after 40 years of insisting that any rational reading of US antitrust proved that “consumer welfare” was obviously its sole purpose, they’re now introducing a law to *change* its purpose to “consumer welfare.”

Like the Stolen Election lie, they never truly believed this one. The pose of objectivity that quantizing antitrust allowed was never about creating a truly objective standard for competition policy — it was only ever about neutering competition policy.

The thing is, there is a way to integrate both the objective and subjective into policy-making — as was demonstrated by David Nutt’s 2008 leadership of the UK’s Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs, which established the policy framework for a wide range of drugs.

Nutt’s panel of experts rated drugs based on how harmful they were to their users, the users’ families, and wider society. This allowed him to sort drugs into three categories:

Drugs that were dangerous irrespective of your public health priorities;

Drugs that were safe irrespective of your public health priorities; and

Drugs whose safety changed based on whether you prioritized the safety of users, families or society.

Those priorities are a political choice, not an empirical finding. Nutt told Parliament that it was their job to establish those subjective priorities, and once they did, he could objectively tell them how to embody them in the rules for each drug.

This is a beautiful example of how the objective and subjective fit together in policy — and the tale of what happened next is a terrible example of how “consumer welfare” hurts us all.

You see, booze is one of the most concentrated industries in the world. The “consumer welfare” standard let booze companies buy one another until just a handful remain — globe-straddling collosii with ample resources to influence policy-makers.

Nutt, an empiricist, reported just as rigorously on the harms of booze — one of the most dangerous drugs in the world — as he did on other drugs. He was fired for refusing to retract his true statement that tobacco and alcohol were more dangerous than many banned drugs.

Thanks to “consumer welfare” antitrust, the alcohol industry is able to choose who its regulators are, and use their political influence — purchased with the excessive profits of a monopolist — to rid themselves of pesky officials who actually pursue objective policy.

You can read the column here:

https://locusmag.com/2021/05/cory-doctorow-qualia/

And here’s the podcast episode:

https://craphound.com/news/2021/06/28/qualia/

As well a direct link to the MP3 (hosting courtesy of the @InternetArchive; they’ll host your stuff for free, forever):

https://archive.org/download/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_395/Cory_Doctorow_Podcast_395_-_Qualia.mp3

And here’s a link to my podcast feed:

http://feeds.feedburner.com/doctorow_podcast

Image: OpenStax Chemistry: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Figure_24_01_03.jpg

CC BY: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

[footballfanfictions]

Think that I like her - Phase Six

Think that I like her - Phase Six

Christian

It had been three weeks since Christian had told Kara that he couldn’t see her anymore and he hadn’t seen her since. 

He had played every game since, assisting 6 goals and scoring 3 of his own. His new manager was so impressed with him that he had taken him to once side and spoken to him about how he saw him in his plans for the future and could see him being a very important leader in the team. Christian had been very flattered but it only made the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach that much worse. He had broken things off with Kara because he was sure that he was going to be sold. He had always put his career before any of his relationships, and was always too scared to get close to anyone in case he had to move. He didn’t want a relationship getting in the way of important career decisions. His parents had told him that he would have plenty of time to date when he was older. That didn’t help the dull ache that he felt every time he thought about her.

Mason and his friendship with Kara complicated things further. He wasn’t particularly fond of the way that he had treated his friend. Christian didn’t blame him. If someone had done what he had to someone close to him, like his sister, he would be furious. He’d do worse to the guy than just avoid him.

He missed their friendship though and sitting at Kai and Timo’s table at lunch while the English players bickered and bantered not the next table over made him feel left out.

“It was such a good goal…” Kai said to him in his heavily accented English, his mouth full of pasta salad.

“What was?” Christian asked, his eyes still trailing across to the table where Mason was laughing at something Ben had said.

“Never mind” Kai laughed.

Timo looked up then, he had been bent over a newspaper while eating. He liked to read them to improve his English and he would often look up and exclaim something about a story and would explain how ‘that would never happen in Germany’.

“You are still thinking about that girl. The pretty one from the party” Timo mused quietly.

He had been looking down at the paper so Christian didn’t know how he had been able to tell.

Christian’s cheeks flushed and he picked up his water bottle, taking a long swig from it. 

“Ah yes he is” Kai teased.

“She was quite beautiful” Timo continued.

“Have you not seen her since?” Kai asked.

Christian sighed and wondered if he should tell them what he had done. Would then understand or would they berate him for his poor decision making? He thought it would probably be the latter, but maybe that was what he needed to hear.

“I saw her a few times after-“ He was cut off by Kai wolf whistling.

He looked over at the other table, but none of them had looked up.

“We were getting on really well, but then my form took a huge dip and so did my confidence and I just… didn’t want to lead her on if I wasn’t going to be here much longer.” He sighed, running a hand through the front of his hair. It was getting a little bit longer now, to the point that it was visibly curly. He needed to get it cut. 

“You tell this girl this?” Timo asked.

Christian nodded, continuing “I broke things off with her because I was so sure that our new manager didn’t want me here. I couldn’t let a relationship hold me back from moving somewhere else if I had to.”

“But you are happy here no? and you have scored 3 goals” Kai looked confused as he asked the question.

“Yeah I have now, and coach has told me that he wants me here for the foreseeable future. I feel like a bit of a fool. I’ve just always focused on my career and haven’t really dated anyone” he explained.

Kai put a reassuring arm around his shoulder. “When I move here, my girlfriend does not want to be coming with me. She studies in Germany. It is hard but we visit.” Kai smiled as he spoke. “If it is meant to be, you can make it work too.”

“But I have messed everything up now. I don’t think she will even speak to me now. What can I do?” he asked them both, looking between Kai and Timo.

It was Timo who offered the solution.

“Grand gesture”.

*****************************

Kara 

Kara balanced her bag carefully on her shoulder as she descended the steps outside of the court room. The court hearing had just seen a conclusion to one of her trickiest cases. They had taken the infant into care a couple of days after their birth. Kara herself had attended the hospital a few hours after they had been notified of the birth and had loaded the tiny newborn into her car. The mother hadn’t protested, just stared at the wall. She was pale and gaunt and exhausted from child birth and we were removing her fourth child.  She had found herself in the cycle of domestic abuse and substance misuse and she knew the system well.

Kara didn’t want to believe that anyone wasn’t capable of turning their life around. She hadn’t become a Social Worker to ruin lives and take children away, she wanted to help families. She had argued with her manager over and over to let her work with the young mother. Her manager was against this, convinced that she would never put her children above herself.

Kara started by asking the housing department to house the woman in another borough, away from the network of drug dealers and gang members that plagued her life. They had given her a moderately sized two bedroom flat. Kara had to argue hard that the woman needed more than one bedroom, because she wanted to return the baby to the care of it’s mother.

She enrolled the mother onto detox programs, parenting courses and encouraged her to access therapy, and sought court injections against the men that had abused her.

One year and six clear drug and alcohol screenings later, the court had agreed to allow the baby to return home. This had been Kara’s greatest triumph, seeing the two of them reunited outside the court room warmed her heart and as she got into her car she allowed herself to cry. Empathy can be exhausting and emotionally draining and some times she just had to let those emotions out.

She had thrown herself into her job, and into that case so much that the gorgeous young American that had previously taken up all of her thoughts had barely crossed her mind. But she was thinking about him now. How nice it would have been to have had someone to come home to and forget all of the stresses of her day with. She could barely do that with Mollie these days. Mollie was barely home, spending most of her time with Mason in the honeymoon phase. Not that Kara minded. She was very happy that her friends were happy with each other.

The drive home was quick and Kara was soon walking up the steps to their shared flat and fumbling in her bag for her phone.

She listened out for any sounds coming from the flat before she turned her keys in the lock, not wanting to walk in on Mollie and Mason.

She was relieved to hear silence, wanting nothing more than to have a bath, pour herself a glass of wine, change into her comfiest pyjamas and order a Chinese. 

She walked into the living room area, not noticing that there was something in the kitchen immediately, until she turned around to pour that glass of wine and found that every available space on the counter tops and the island were filled with large arrangements of roses, in every colour.

Mason had gone overboard on the romance this time she laughed to herself.

The card poking out of the top of the white rose arrangement caught her eye and she couldn’t resist sneaking a look at what Mason had written. 

Her eyes scanned the card.

I will never be able to make up for what I did, but I’m hoping to try. Can we talk? Christian x

Ps. Hope you like the flowers

She nearly gathered up all of the flowers, thinking that she would empty them all into the bin, but something stopped her. A tugging feeling in her stomach. She had distracted herself from Christian so well, but that distraction was now gone, and her thoughts were just filled with him. The way that he would smile when he kissed her, how he would wrinkle his nose and laugh when she said some sort of British slang that he didn’t understand, the way his hands were so gentle when he ran them down her arms and held her hands. She missed the way he smelled when she buried her head against his chest.

She was crying again now.

She went to the fridge for the wine and got a glass out of the kitchen cupboard, pouring herself a large glass she took a deep breath and held her phone tight in her fist.

She wanted to text him, but she didn’t know what to say. She couldn’t just go running back to him just like that, could she? As much as she wanted to, he had broken things off with her and she would seem like a right doormat if she went running back to him. 

She really really needed some advice.

She quickly took a picture of the flowers and sent it to Mollie with a quick message. 

K: Did you and Mase know about this? x

M: Mase didn’t but I did. He turned up earlier and he seemed really sorry, then he said he was going to send the flowers and I brought them in x

K: What do you think I should do? x

M: What does your gut tell you? x

K: To tell him to come over x

M: That’s what you should do then x

K: But aren’t I being a massive doormat if I do that? Just forget what he did and move on so easily? x

M: You could make him work for it in other ways *devil emoji* if you know what I mean. You’ll get no judgement from me x

Kara rolled her eyes at Mollie’s last message, but it did make her smile. She could see Christian tonight, and make him work a little to get her back at the same time.

Grinning, she opened up their last text conversation.

K: Hey, I got your flowers. Thanks, they’re beautiful x

C: Not as beautiful as you x

C: Shit that was cheesy sorry x

K: It’s ok, I liked it x

C: I miss you x

K: I miss you too Christian x 

C: Can I see you? I’d really like to talk to you in person x

K: I just got back from work, but you’re welcome to come over if you like. I was just planning on having a quiet night in x

C: Ok, I’ll see you soon x

Kara felt giddy as she tottered into the bathroom. She turned the taps on and poured her favourite bath soak in, going a little overboard with the bubbles. 

She tried to calm down whilst laying back in the hot water but she just couldn’t. Her mind was solely on Christian. She had looked up the latest Chelsea results while she soaked, so that she would have something to talk to him about at least if things got awkward between them. There was a picture of him from the last match where he had scored a goal. He had a beard now.

Kara bit her lip and tried to resist her thoughts from wondering what his facial hair would feel like against her thighs. 

She got out of the bath then. She felt flushed and hot and didn’t want to start sweating. Wrapping a towel around herself she quickly left the bathroom and entered her bedroom. What the hell should she wear to hang out with a guy that had broken up with her? She couldn’t really go for a dress, that would be pretty impractical if they were just going to spend the evening on her sofa. 

She downed the last drop of her wine and set the glass down on her dressing table as she surveyed the clothes in her wardrobe. She felt like she had nothing to wear, but of course, that wasn’t the case. She settled on pair of denim shorts and a top that was low cut enough to show her neck and collar bones but modest enough to cover her boobs. She had always been taught that you could only have your legs or your boobs on show, never both. She laughed silently to herself at that rule. It was one that Mollie absolutely swore by and would actively judge girls around them on a night out if they showed too much chest.

She brushed her long hair up into a loose ponytail and quickly go to work on applying make up to her face. She hadn’t worn much make up to court, keeping it simple with just foundation and mascara but she wanted slightly more than that now.

She had just finished sweeping the wand of her liquid lipstick across her lips when she heard a light tap on the front door. 

Her legs felt like they were going to give way from underneath her if just at the sight of him and cursed herself under her breath for allowing herself to like someone this much. 

She opened the door to a grinning Christian.

“Hi-“ she had gone to say, but she didn’t get it out.

He took a step over the threshold and put on hand on her hip, the other cupping her cheek and  pulled her against him, his mouth moving cautiously against hers as if he was scared she might pull away. 

She didn’t.

She brought her arms around his neck and allowed his tongue to enter her mouth.

His hand at her hip squeezed gently before he pulled back from the kiss.

“Hi” he said. 

[adonis-koo]

Three’s a crowd

| 13 | 

Plot: (CEO AU) When your mom’s fairytale life begins to bleed over into your world you’re suddenly caught between two men and one big secret, what was suppose to be a relaxing trip soon begins to spiral out of control. All you wanted was a free vacation…

Pairing: Jungkook/Reader/Jimin, Hoseok/Reader, Taehyung/Reader, Seokjin/Reader

Genre: Smut, angst, drama, angst with a happy ending

Word count: 7.6K

Previous | Next

Warning ⚠️ This fic touches on drug use, alcoholism and abuse. Please read with caution if any of these things are triggers for you 🖤

It was quiet for a moment as people in the hallway pushed past you both paying you no mind, not realizing just what situation you were in and who you were standing in front of. Jungkook’s expression had hardened slightly, now focused on your poor battered face that definitely didn’t do you any favors in terms of his harsh, broody expression.

After a moment he suddenly reached out, grabbing your chin, lifting it to get a better look at your face before almost demanding, “Who did this to you?” 

Your body jolted at the feeling, not expecting such a gesture or his tone of voice. It wasn’t so much your own history with Jungkook that made you suddenly shoved his hand away, “Don’t touch me.” You snapped sharply making him wince, he bowed his head slightly in apology as if realizing he shouldn’t of done that so abruptly. 

It was moreso after the fight with your father that had you over the edge on any sort of touching, you were too hyper aware of your surroundings and even the littlest of touches could send you into a mental breakdown at the moment, “Sorry….” Jungkook murmured, looking down towards your shoes as if knowing he was most likely overstepping his boundaries regardless before sighing, “Is there somewhere private we can speak?”

Closing your eyes you sighed before nodding, without so much as a word you turned back around heading for the elevator while chugging down the last half of your energy drink, chucking it into the garbage can right outside the elevator before stepping in. This conversation was inevitable, but you still couldn’t help but dread it, what was his answer to everything? Would you even get an answer? 

Your mind was swarming with silent questions as both you and Jungkook stood in silence the whole time, people sifting in and out of the elevator until you stopped at the fourth floor. This floor was a lot less busy but you didn’t plan on letting him talk here either, video feed was all over the place and if this was far enough beyond you to have someone break into your house.

You wouldn’t be surprised if they could access the hospital camera feed, pulling the master key from the chain around your neck- it was mainly for access to all the rooms for cleaning but you’d rarely had reason to misuse it the one exception being Jungkook.

You had opened the door to the staff hallway before weaving up the steps continuing until the glow of the ‘Exit’ sign was visible. The roof would be the safest place for you both to properly discuss this without being overheard. The cool night air nipped at the open skin of your arms, your jump suit only being half worn as it always was making you rub your arms for warmth as you stepped out onto the roof.

“Well…?” You asked over your shoulder, walking up to the ledge that looked out over the busy city of Seoul, the cars never ending and the lights never wavering. This city was bred full of nightmares and late nights for you. But sometimes, on break you enjoyed coming up here to clear your head, watch the world continue spinning as thousands continued their lives down below.

You turned around to face Jungkook who hadn’t been looking at you, his expression still somber as he pushed his hands into the pockets of his slacks. You supposed at the moment, you truly both took on your roles well, him the well dressed billionaire, his black button up had the first three buttons undone and his sleeves had been rolled up, his tie poked out his back pocket. The rolex dawning his wrist and the armani shoes he wore, he screamed wealth.

And then there was you, the street rat with a tired, worn out face to match. Your expression was hard and you knew it but you still weren’t sure if you could really trust Jungkook, maybe that was the trauma talking now, you weren’t sure about anything anymore.

“Y/n…” He sighed before taking a few steps closer to you, his expression unreadable and maybe for a good reason as he shifted his weight from foot to foot, “Let me just start by saying, I want to tell you everything. But that doesn’t mean I can…”

Your face curled slightly in sourness at his words as he sighed once more, running his hand through his hair as if anticipating your reaction. He seriously dragged you all the way up here, practically begged you to listen to him, and that was his answer to all of this? You weren’t sure what you had expected, and briefly, you wondered if you should’ve expected that to be his answer. Or course he wasn’t going to tell you anything. 

“Then why are you even here?” You almost snarled in frustrated too many thoughts bubbling in your head to keep the anger out of your voice, “My life has already been hell and your contribution really isn’t helping me out.” 

“The less you know, the safer you’re going to be,” Jungkook defended himself, his expression hardening as well, not appreciating your words but that didn’t make them any less true, “I’m here because I’m going to tell you as much as I can. You were never supposed to see what you did at the party.”

Pressing your tongue into your cheek you inhaled sharply, the tension between you both cutting through the cool breeze. You weren’t surprised, of course he didn’t want you seeing him murder someone that night, who would? Jeon Jungkook with a gun in his hands and empty eyes? Just the repeat of his previous words in your mind making you all the more irritated. 

It was silent for another minute before you finally scoffed running a hand through your hair as you huffed, “I don’t fucking doubt it but I still did. But let’s hypothetically say I didn’t see it, and we did end up getting together- how long would you keep it from me? T-this- this...fucking secret life you live when you aren’t playing billionaire playboy!” 

You didn’t want to use that card, you didn’t feel comfortable above all else even thinking about you and Jungkook being together...romantically...Especially now with everything that had happened. but it still begged the question. If he never intended for you to find out, just when was he going to break it to you that he killed countless people?

Jungkook’s shoulders tensed at your words and his jaw clenched, you could visibly see his adam apple bob as he swallowed thickly, “Don’t go there Y/n. You don’t understand anything you’re even saying at the moment. This side of me? It isn’t meant for you or anyone else outside of work to see. Romantic or not you aren’t an exception. I’m not proud of it,” He almost sneered out, the cold look returned in his eyes as he gritted his teeth, “I didn’t ask to be put in the position I am and I sure as fuck don’t like having to pull the trigger but I do what needs to be done.”

You couldn’t even look at him anymore as you raked your hands into your hair, a sickness taking root in your stomach at how callous he was being, he was talking about murder like it was just a chore! “You fucking killed someone!” You shouted incredulously, still in partial disbelief at how he could ever say something like that, “I-....I don’t even know what to say anymore,” You muttered more weakly as you pressed your face into your hands, “I don’t know what’s going on and I didn’t fucking ask to be put in the middle of this. I thought once I got back to Seoul life would go back to normal but it’s not okay!?”

Your hands were trembling and your voice had cracked, as you snapped your head up to look at Jungkook, “My life is anything but normal anymore and I just want one fucking answer on why, is that so difficult to give me!? I’m not asking you to put a ring on it Jungkook, I’m not fucking asking you to give me a detailed essay on what shady shit you’re involved in. I just want my life back to the way it use to be!” 

You hated the way your vision was beginning to blur and how the tears threatened to drip down your cheeks but the anger in your voice didn’t falter for a second and your glare only made your expression that much more pitiful. 

It was Jungkook’s turn to face away from you, a hint of guilt on his face as he sighed rubbing his forehead. He leaned down against the ledge of the roof before letting his hand run through his hair, “Even if I were able to tell you everything, you know that isn’t going to make things go back to the way they used to be…”

Fuck him…! Anger burned in your veins as you harshly rubbed your cheeks as the tears hotly slipped down, you hated that he was right. You hated that Jungkook, at the moment was telling you what you needed to hear, not what you wanted too.

“You need to listen to me, very carefully Y/n,” Jungkook’s jaw was clenched once more and his eyes were almost glaring out over the city lights as if he was now refusing to look at you, maybe he’d crumble at the sight of the bitter tears staining your face, maybe he knew you’d snap at him again if he so dared as raised a hand in comfort for you, it wasn’t just him being defensive. It was you, of course, you wouldn’t let him help you even if he wanted too. 

“My dad’s company is in a very tight spot at the moment in...for lack of a better word, underground affairs. There’s a lot of people not happy with a few decisions I’ve made within the few recent months on his behalf and while I’m not on a hitlist at the moment,” he gritted his teeth and his gaze became fiery as if they could vaporize the entirety of Seoul if he wished, “Everyone I care about is. You’ve been lumped into that category whether you like it or not so please,” He finally glanced at you, his gaze just as intense as before, though a note in his eyes had shifted to a more pleading, “Trust me when I say you’re better off not knowing everything if you value your own life at all.”

“And if I don’t?” You stubbornly spat out as your brows pressed together, anger reigniting in your veins as you crossed your arms defensively. At the moment, you really didn’t have a lot in life going for you anyways. And hey, if you got lynched off by a hitman at least you’d die at peace knowing why the fuck it happened.

Your words made his jaw clench again and his eyes twist into another glare as he stepped closer to you, “Do you even hear yourself right now? I know damn well you do so stop. Throw a tantrum all you want but I’m not going to change my mind. Call me a murder all you want but that won’t change the fact that those guys, that innocent man,” Jungkook was sneering at the memory as he gritted his teeth, “Yoongi found them planting C4’s all along the lower levels of the building. They aren’t innocent in the least Y/n, if I have blood on my hands then they might as well be bathing it in. I do what’s necessary and no more.” 

Pressing your lips together the only sound was the wind blowing past you both as you carefully took a step back. Were those men really going to kill so many innocent people just for one guy? It made you briefly wonder just what Jungkook had done for that to be, “...And my apartment…?” 

You couldn’t find the energy to be angry anymore, you had already had both a stressful and emotional day, you couldn’t find the strength to keep the theme running. You still didn’t necessarily agree with his method of action, even if they were planning to blow up the whole building, but you did feel like the level of violence seemed to fit whatever was going on between Jungkook and these men.

“They weren’t looking for anything Y/n,” Jungkook replied, his eyes unreadable once more before he continued, “They were looking for you. I don’t want to scare you but they’re willing to do anything to get to me, and even if you aren’t someone I’m close to they’d take you anyways, they don’t follow morals.”

Running your hand through your hair you sighed while beginning to pace, just who were they? What could Jungkook have done for a group of people to be so angry? You had so many questions, more than had been answered so far. And now all you were beginning to feel was regret, maybe you should’ve let Hoseok just steer him away from you. In fact, you would have definitely preferred that now but…

You couldn’t just keep running away from everything, just like you assumed, things were serious now more than ever and you doubt it was going away anytime soon. Finally you stopped, pressing your hands against your face as you sighed, god what were you going to do? You felt a surge of defeat in your chest as you swallowed your emotions down.

“Y/n, please talk to me…” You heard Jungkook’s voice softened again as his footsteps sounded closer, “Look I understand if you don’t want things to go further with us- Hell I don’t blame you for not wanting to see me at all after everything that’s happened, but you need to trust me on this. Maybe you don’t care what happens to yourself but I do.”

And just like that the whirlwind of emotions you had so desperately swallowed down were bubbling inside you once more as you swallowed thickly, how could he go from emotionless, cold, CEO to a caring sweetheart in the span of five minutes? “Stop!” You cried out finally at the feeling of his hand on your shoulder, jerking away from him you grabbed your head as your voice cracked, “Just stop okay! Stop acting like you care!” 

“But I do care Y/n, why is that so hard to believe?” Jungkook replied back just as strong taking another step closer to try and close the distance again, his brows furrowed in confusion and a little offense.

Why? Why!? Your mind was racing ninety to nothing as you sputtered back, “Because..you- you..- We’ve only known each other for a week and a half! Not even a half! This is insane Jungkook! You’re publicly engaged, I saw you kill someone- I..-I...holy fuck do you even hear yourself!?” 

“I don’t care how long we’ve known each other, I like you okay? I don’t know why but I do, but I do! And if you want to never see me again after this then fine, I’d never do anything you don’t want but for right now? Please just listen to me, let me keep you safe until all of this has blown over.” Jungkook almost pleaded with you, his eyes looking close to bambi’s that felt too difficult to say no to but you couldn’t even make a sound anymore. 

He wanted to what? Just hearing that word felt foreign on your ears as you ran a hand through your already messed up, and probably oily hair now as you inhaled sharply, “How!?” You threw your arms up, “My apartments been obliterated Jungkook, my mom won’t even let me go back to clean up until the police have a lead. I’m stuck at Park’s estate for god only knows how long, just how do you think you’re gonna keep me safe, huh?” You spat out with demand, hands shaking as your breath hitching. You couldn’t have another breakdown tonight. 

“Everything is going to be fine, okay?” Jungkook replied soothingly, making quick note of your shaky demeanor, your eyes watery but you refused to cry again, you couldn’t cry again, “My mom can explain the situation on a more discreet note to her, you can still go to your day job but it’s better if you stay away from the ward- especially at night. Once I get things cleared up you can go back to normal and pretend I never existed in your life okay? But please, for the love of god, just stay with me until you’re safe.”

Whatever little control you did have on your life felt like it was already being ripped away and before you knew it you felt the familiar warm liquid dripping down your cheeks as you hurriedly wiped your eyes, angry at yourself for crying once again but the tears wouldn’t stop, “I...I can’t afford to lose my job here Jungkook, I can’t ghost work for god only knows how long until you get your fucking hitlist sorted.” You tried your best to look anywhere but at him as you tried to control your shallow breaths. 

You jumped at the feeling of him cupping your face, his thumbs pushed away the tears that refused to stop as Jungkook murmured softly, “Baby listen to me, I’ll take care of everything. You aren’t going to lose your job here, I’ll wire you the money you lost to make up for the hours you missed and I’ll make sure your apartment gets cleaned up. I know you didn’t ask for this, and I know you feel like everything is out of your control but this is temporary okay? I’m only doing this because if I don’t you will be hurt. And maybe you don’t care but I do, so please, stay with me.” 

You couldn’t even look at him, your shoulders were bouncing from your sniffling and your eyes were snapped shut, “Well it’s not like I have much of a choice, right?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Jungkook sighed softly, pushed the strands of hair behind your ear before letting his thumb stroke back along your cheekbone making you wince from the bruise that had begun forming, “I’m never going to force you to say yes, just please work with me okay? I’d feel best if you stayed with me but we can work something else out, I can have you stay at Dark Ace here if you want, or I can buy you an apartment building, or- what’s with that look?” Jungkook paused, looking like a lost puppy at your grim smile. 

“You’re so fucking rich I honestly can’t stand listening to you sometimes.” He was really willing to buy you a whole apartment building just so you could be safe? If you weren’t so emotionally drained you would’ve felt a little flattered. But all you felt now was tired and in need of another cup of ramen. 

“Is that a yes...? Jungkook asked a little hesitantly, a small bashful smile tugging on his lips as he peered down at you his eyes looking a little more hopeful.

It felt like you were taking scraps now, but if you really were in more danger then you realized, and things really were serious. And if Jungkook was willing to give you a few options, then who were you to say no? You could laugh all day long about it but you didn’t want your untimely death to be caused by him, “I guess, I don’t really wanna get lynched because of you so…”

“I expected as much. Let’s go, it’s late and I’m sure you’re tired. I’ll get everything sorted first thing in the morning.” Jungkook replied, already wrapping an arm around you as he began walking towards the entry to the building. Any other day you would’ve slowed him down, but he was right. You were tired, you were beyond exhausted and you were on your last hour of your shift anyways. 

Rather than saying anything, you followed beside him, muscles a little tense under his grasp but it was delicate, as if sensing your tension. You had made sure to clock out and peel off your jumpsuit in the breakroom before shooting Hoseok a text, he’d be pissed for sure. But he wouldn’t want you to take a risk knowing you were under suspect for abduction.

Unshockingly a sleek black Viper was apparently Jungkook’s choice of car as he opened the door for you, giving you a gentle, encouraging push as you sat down. The smell of leather faint against the vanilla scent he had hanging from the mirror. 

He must’ve drove himself a lot for the new smell to be worn off and the feeling of comfort settled in the air. The drive was mainly silent but not a tense one, you had rested your head against the glass of the window watching the world as it passed you by. There were so many people out that night and little did they know who you were and what you had accidentally become involved in. 

It wasn’t until you had entered the gated community that you perked up a little, every house’s lights were turned off as your eyes flickered to the time that just turned 4:12 in the morning. Soon you’d be just like them, but you couldn’t help but worry. Even if Jungkook’s mom could soothe your mother’s nerves you knew she’d be undoubtedly upset with you, just what would his mom say, what would the cover be for you? And would it really work? 

“We’ll discuss your living arrangements in the morning, so for now you’ll stay the night with me.” Jungkook had put the car in park as he explained. You pressed your lips together taking in the front of the house, it was clad in dark browns and deep grey tones of unsymmetrical brick, the walkway was filled on each side with well kept tiger lilies. 

You weren’t sure what you were expecting his house to look like, or better yet you didn’t even think he was living on his own yet. But it made sense, he was 23 after all and could probably buy a third of the moon if he wanted. His pick of house was still unexpected though, it wasn’t an estate, mansion or a fancy penthouse, it didn’t even have a second floor. 

Shutting the door to the car you finally spoke, “Feels a little weird, not gonna lie.” Walking beside him you kept your eyes to the uncracked pavement as you stepped up onto the platform of the door while waiting for him to unlock it.

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asked, glancing over his shoulder briefly with a confused glance before opening the door, yawning on his way inside and admittedly looking just as tired as you. How much sleep had he been getting lately with all of this going on?

“I’ve never actually gone home with someone,” You admitted as you stepped inside behind him, only making him stop before turning around to face you, his expression a little exasperated making your lips curl up slightly, “I’m being honest, deadass. Not gonna lie this really isn’t how I envisioned my first time going…”

“If you didn’t look so exhausted I’d suggest still making it worthwhile,” Jungkook gave you a wink making your lips twist slightly as you ran a hand through your hair as you glanced away from him. You set yourself up for that one and honestly, you might’ve took him up on that offer had he not been right. You were utterly drained and you were sure you probably looked anything but sexy at the moment. 

The interior of the house was simplistic by nature but was in good taste, the sleek black coffee table complimented by a gray couch and two chairs, a large flat screen hung up on the wall beneath the second coffee table and that’s where your eyes honed in on what looked like a custom built PS4, personalized controllers and all. 

Walking down the hall Jungkook opened the first door on the left as he spoke up, “This is the spare room, the bathroom is up the hall on the right and my rooms all the way down to the left if you need something. Is there anything I can get you…?” 

You peaked behind him inside the room before giving it a thought, tugging at your shirt before awkwardly glancing towards your feet, “W-well….um….If you have a shirt or- maybe- uh maybe a hoodie I could barrow to sleep in…” Why were you acting so weird? You had bummed clothes off of Hoseok and Taehyung constantly, this really wasn’t different, right?

Jungkook nodded before disappearing down the hall as you walked into the room. It was bigger than your kitchen- then again, a lot of places were bigger than your kitchen but still. It was a nice sized room with a queen size bed neatly made, a fluffy cream duvet and a dozen pillows to pick from to sleep on. Stepping up to the bed you let your hand run over the material as you closed your eyes.

You were seriously at a billionaires house to avoid abduction. God you hated life.

“Here,” You jumped at the sound of Jungkook’s voice, turning around just as he walked in a folded black hoodie in hand as he gave it to you, “It gets a little drafty in here at night. There should be extra oral care in the bathroom. I guess that’s everything, anyways I’ll let you rest now.”

It was silent for before you nodded vigorously, “Uh yeah thanks, night.” 

He gave a nod in return, looking a little hesitant to leave before letting himself return to his room. Sighing you ran a hand through your hair before shutting the door gently, taking another look around the room before grabbing your phone,

If you rolled your eyes any harder they’d definitely be in the back of your head by now. Leave it up to Hoseok to be the first in line to clown you. Pulling the sweatshirt on while giving a long yawn, you could smell both the expensive Tide Bounty and Jungkook's cologne, which both on their own smelled nice until mixed together. Still, it gave you a sense of odd comfort though as you crawled into bed letting yourself relax against the sheets.

You were beyond tired and glad to be in bed, and yet you still didn’t get a drop of sleep that night.

Morning light streamed through the blinds and yet here you were, already awake with dark circles most likely dawning your undereyes. It hurt to blink and you didn’t have the energy to get out of bed, and yet no matter how long you kept them closed, you couldn’t sleep. 

Checking your phone you groaned at the sight of so many messages, quickly you closed your phone again as you dropped your head back on the pillow. You could only hope Jungkook was awake by now and had gotten a hold of his mother to ease everyone’s panic about you never arriving home. 

A knock at the door sounded as if hearing your thought, echoing lightly through the room and for a moment you couldn’t find the strength to speak up, making the only other person in the house attempt to coax you, “Hey, are you awake?”

Sighing you debated your options, you could just not respond and he’d probably go away but you’d have to come out eventually and your stomach was growling in hopes you’d get some food, “Yeah.” You called back dryly.

Hearing the door open finally stirred some energy into you as you slowly sat up in bed, rubbing your tired eyes as Jungkook stepped inside, his hair was messy and he seemed a bit tired if not sleepy, but over all a lot more well rested then you as he spoke, “Figured we should get started on discussing the terms of where you’ll stay. I just finished talking to my mom, she’s already doing damage control as we speak so,” He pushed his hands into the pockets of his sweatpants, walking up to the bed before sitting down on the edge a little ways from you, “Like I said before, personally I’d be most comfortable if you were here with me but there’s plenty of other options. I could always rent out a floor from an apartment building for you, make sure there’s plenty of security or you could stay in Dark Ace, it’s almost impenetrable.”

“That seems like a lot of effort…” You murmured, running a hand through your hair, your locks stringy with oil and undoubtedly looking gross. Dark Ace was all the way across Seoul and you honestly didn’t want to be that far away from everyone you knew. On the other hand you weren’t sure you felt comfortable in a whole floor of an apartment building, and furthermore, you wouldn’t feel that safe. 

You knew Jungkook wouldn’t put you somewhere he wasn’t one hundred percent certain you’d be safe, given how serious he was taking this, but still. You could stay with him...but you didn’t feel like that was a good idea either, too much had happened and right now you needed to just regain focus on gaining trust with each other again. 

“It really isn’t Y/n,” Jungkook replied, leaning back against his hands as he kept his gaze steadily on you, “I received a call from a contact when I first woke, this shouldn’t last but another week or two, so if you want…” He licked his lips, taking a second to think it over before continuing, “There is another option, my mom has a lodge not too far from here. It’ll be easy keeping it under heavy security and you’ll still be in range for me to check in on you, you’ll be able to go to work with ease all while doing it safely.”

“Your mom…?” You asked a little hesitant, you liked the idea but you didn’t want to invade his mothers private space, especially if she had any idea of what you and Jungkook had been up to as of late, “I don’t know...I don’t want to overstep my bounds with your family.”

Jungkook quickly shook his head, “You won’t, she only goes on the occasion things get heated at home, I bought it for her awhile back but she doesn’t live there full time.”

You thought about it for a moment, biting your lip a little in contemplation. If he was being honest, and she really wouldn’t be there…and if you’d still be able to go to work and reassure your mom then...”Well, I mean...If you’re sure it’ll be fine…”

“It will,” Jungkook nodded determined, noticing him scooting closer making you feel a bit on edge, shifting in your seated position, “Is that where you wanna stay?” 

It really wasn't, but out of all of your options this seemed like the best one. You’d be able to stay by yourself, you wouldn’t have your space invaded by anyone and you’d still be able to at least go to your day job. Sighing after a moment of contemplation you nodded, “Yes...Oh um…” You glanced away for a moment, your face flushing at the thought before you rubbed your neck, “Can I stop by my apartment before going there though…” 

Jungkook looked a little confused by your request but nodded regardless, “Of course, we can go now if you want. I’ve cancelled my schedule for the morning and won't have to be in office until after 12.”

Pulling the covers off your legs you nodded, wanting to get this out of the way before doing anything else for the day. After you both had showered and finished getting ready you had headed off for your apartment. The silence stayed except for the occasional remark from Jungkook and snide reply from you. Though thankfully unlike most people in your life he didn’t take it to heart.

“So...what do you need from your apartment- if you don’t mind me asking.” Jungkook spoke up, pulling the car into the lot. You both had got out of the car, shutting the door you scanned over the building as you inhaled, the hot, humid air breaching you lungs but it was fresh nonetheless.

Nodding your head towards the building you lead the way before walking up the metal stairs, making your way to the third floor, “Well it wouldn’t hurt to get some clothes and I really need to get Twix somewhere safe…”

Reaching the third story you paused waiting for Jungkook who stopped half way up the last flight of stairs,”...Twix…?” He said it in the most confused tone you had ever heard as if what you said was in a foreign language.

Pressing your brows together you both store at each other briefly like you were in a silent, confused standoff before you squint your eyes, “My cat…?”

Jungkook continued up the stairs before finally standing in front of you, “You...named your cat ...Twix?” Had he even owned an animal his entire life? He didn’t look judgmental...well maybe a little bit but Twix was your pride, he was the little ball of fluff that had brightened your day since you were a kid. He was an old boy and loved cuddles and enjoyed waking you up from the little sleep you got for a midnight snack.

“Twix is my baby push off.” You glared childishly as you turned around walking to the door before giving it a gentle push, and as if the devil himself had heard, Twix came bolting out with a loud cry before brushing against your leg with another shrilled meow, “Poor baby, I’m sorry I’ve left you here.” You cooed out picking up the brown and black mottled cat as you nuzzled against his head. 

You could feel the vibration of his loud purr before a sudden hiss, popping your head away from the cat you furrowed your brows before glancing towards Jungkook who had his jaw dropped as if offended. Him and Twix both seemed to be having a standoff as Twix gave a low growl making your own lips part, “Wow, he’s never done that before…” Sure when he was feral he had hissed at you plenty of times, but since being tame he’d rarely ever hiss at another person. 

He gave another hiss, his ears laid back against his head before jumping out of your arms and scurrying back inside. Clacking your tongue you gave a hum, “First for everything I guess…”

Jungkook made no comment though, crossing his arms with a childish broody expression that made you roll your eyes as you pushed the door fully open, walking inside.

 “Damn…” Jungkook sighed, his eyes softening a little at the wrecked sight of everything, just as destroyed as you had last seen it, “They really did sweep the whole place. I’ll make sure everything is replaced.” 

Walking up the crushed boat painting you thought was such a good steal when you bought it you sighed, kneeling down as you picked it up, a hole punctured the canvas, “It’s fine, most of this was just thrift store finds anyways….” You trailed off but you knew your voice held a depressed note. 

Coming here depressed you more than anything now, being unable to do anything or clean it up for now leaving you empty and hollow at all the memories of everything you once bought from excitement at it’s cheap cost or obscurity of where you found it. 

Damn you didn’t think you were sentimental but just coming back made you feel a wash of remorse all over again, “Anyways, i’ll be right back, shouldn’t take long to get a few sets of clothes.”

Jungkook gave a single nod eyes scanning through the room as you made your way back down the hall. You had grabbed the duffle bag from your closet, picking through things that had been strode all over the floor while stuffing it into the bag, not seeing a reason in folding anything as you’d most likely dump this all in the wash once you got into the lodge. 

You had just finished packing when you heard your phone go off. Confused as to who could be texting you at this hour before checking.

Sighing you stayed seated by your bag as you ran a hand through your hair, it was already 11:30 and you wouldn’t have much time to get ready but thankfully you never took long to begin with. The person who had caught your attention, was of course Jimin. He had seemed very defensive and for someone who didn’t care about you….he sounded like he cared, a lot. You felt conflicted but still held onto your words, he didn’t deserve to know where you were and he was a total dickhead. Until he actually proved he wasn’t you weren’t going to budge. 

You supposed, this just meant your vacation was finally beginning to wear off and you had started to use your head more than your vagina again.

Standing up you grabbed the bag before walking out to Jungkook who had been investigating down by the TV, “Hey you don’t have to go into work until after lunch right?” He glanced up before straightening himself nodding making you continue, “Then once we get this stuff dropped off you mind dropping me off over at central station? I’m going out with your and my mom for a wedding venue hunt.”

“Of course,” Jungkook nodded, walking over grabbing the dufflebag from you as you called out for Twix, the cat darting to your legs with a meow, probably hungry no doubt making you feel a tad bit guilty for not picking him up sooner. Grabbing the ball of fluff you both went back to his car before heading towards the lodge. 

The lodge was a fair bit fancier than Jungkook’s place it was gated and guarded with men on standby outside, but it only took one look when Jungkook rolled down his window for the men to wave him on in. It looked more like a prison than a house but you supposed if things really were that dire then this was probably necessary. 

After setting your things down in the lodge you noticed the colors were in warm tones of reds and earthy browns, the furniture was clad in white and furs tying everything together, it had felt like a total one eighty compared to its outside appearance.�� At the very least you were glad it had such a homey feeling if you’d be staying here for any longer than anticipated.

“Oh this is such a nice space!” Your mother was the first to exclaim as she did a one eighty around herself, the space was admittedly large and completely empty, but the large windows on the left and right walls were massive and let in a beautiful stream of light, “It wouldn be beautiful for the wedding but it wouldn’t be very traditional.” Your mother frowned slightly at the idea as she turned around to look towards you.

Shrugging you pushing your hands into the pockets of the dark brown leather jacket you wore, “Traditional no but that isn’t a bad thing, people have tons of beach or outdoor weddings and they’re all fine. You could still get a priest or pastor to do the vows. I mean if you really like this venue then it shouldn’t matter whether it’s in a church or not.” You didn’t see the hang up but then again you also never grew up on the traditions your mother held so high in standard.

Soo Yun nodded encouragingly as well though as she smiled, “Y/n is right Emi, if this is the place you want your wedding then you shouldn’t let formalities hold you back.”

Your mom only laced her fingers together before holding them close to her chin, the same way you did when you became bashful around others, “Oh I don’t know...I’ll have to ask Seung and see what he thinks.” 

It was a fair answer. Apparently the wedding was being aimed for around the next month and for the first time, you weren’t surprised by their words. If Jimin was correct, and they had already known each other for a year of course they’d want a quick wedding to go. It was supposed to be small and intimate with just a few people. 

Your mother had also said given they had both been previously married neither one felt the need to make it a huge deal. Maybe it was from the whiplash of the day before but you honestly felt too exhausted to input any more emotional feedback outside of a ‘cool’.

Maybe you were finally accepting it? Or maybe everything with Jungkook had just been at the forefront of your mind, whatever it was. You were thankful to not be in a state of chaos anymore, for the moment at least.

After parting ways with Soo Yun, who you wondered briefly if you’d be getting acquainted with her. You’d be staying in her home after all, she brought you a sense of comfort though. Or maybe all moms had that energy, regardless, the day went by fast and you weren’t going to complain. Your mom insisted on taking you for dinner which for once, you weren’t opposed to doing.

There was a catch though, the catch being Seung was there- and that was fine. You didn’t have a problem with Seung, it was Jimin who sat brooding at the table that made you visibly strain to not roll your eyes to the back of your head. Clearly he was still angry over your text conversation but it wasn’t your fault, had he not been a dick earlier that week you would’ve gladly told him you had stopped by your apartment. 

“If you love the location that’s all that matters Emi.” Seung had spoke up enthusiastically bringing your attention to the conversation that your mother was still fretting over, “I don’t mind us not having it in a church but….” He cleared his throat a little, giving her an expression that didn’t make any sense, “Sense we’re all together would you like to bring up what we were discussing earlier.”

Both you and Jimin had straightened up slightly, as your mom’s pupils widened a little before nodding, looking and bit reserved now as she also cleared her throat, “Of course! We understand that this is moving very fast for the both of you…” She trailed off a little, unsure of herself as she glanced at her lap. 

“And we appreciate both of your support in our choice to be together. Both me and Emi would be honored if you’d be the Maid of honor and Best man for the wedding.” Seung spoke up, quickly taking note of your mothers docile expression, a smile pulling on his lips as he glanced between the both of you to gauge a reaction. 

Glancing down at your plate you shrugged, “Yeah sure.” You saw that one coming too honestly, at least you were out of the thick of emotions now. Jimin seemed a whole lot more tense then you as he nodded though, saying nothing before resuming eating. 

What was his problem? He was the one who had been initially okay with this, why the sudden change of heart? Dinner had continued peacefully and it wasn’t until the end that, after a little bit of insistence you got your mom to be okay with leaving you to go back to the estate.

Jungkook had sent you a text saying he’d send a car for you to be picked up in just a half hour ago and now sitting at the table you realized it was just you and Jimin. Who was also brooding on his phone. 

“Are you done being broody or…?” You had cracked the joke was a dumb smile which only widened when his harsh gaze cut into your figure as if hoping it would incinerate you on contact. 

Jimin’s jaw clenched further and he shifted in his seat before sinking into it further while snapping, “Do you think this is a fucking game Y/n? You had everyone worried to death.” 

Shrugging you picked at your nails not looking too interested before replying, “Yeah but I’m pretty sure you don’t care so…?” 

“I don’t.” It came out rigid and sharp, plucking his champagne class up as he took a swift drink of the bubbly substance. 

The sight only made you clack your tongue though as you gave a hum, “Y’know, for someone who doesn’t care, you sure do keep harassing me about shit that shouldn’t matter. You know, it’s okay to just admit that maybe, you do care after all?”

You shrugged keeping a cool head while his looked ready to explode, he suddenly stood up right, face twisting into a snarl as he replied, “You fucking wish L/n, I know you want to desperately think you’re something special but you aren’t.” 

It was a good thing you had finally checked out emotionally or else you might’ve actually been hurt by his words, instead you just leaned back in your chair shrugging which make his jaw clench harsher, “Yeah sure, you keep telling yourself that Park.”

And just like that, you made him storm out of the restaurant looking ready to kill and hey, maybe he was. But just as you had been told earlier, no matter how much Jimin wanted to be involved in the unknown. He’d just have to suffer the curiosity and maybe come to acceptance with your entrance in his life meanwhile.

Note: I’m sorry it took me so long too update !! I finished Sunday but ended up becoming busy sense then :( BUT next chapter thoooo holyyy shit i bid u guys good luck 

Taglist: @sapphireprinces5 @jazzytfw @theslumberingcat @mrsfandomz @cainami @nininek12 @loveherpersona @expensive-bangtan-girl @yoongnysus @sugajinny @peachy-bhun @brokencrownqueen @veryuniquenamegoeshere @lovethatforme97 @prisczero 

(Let me know if you’d like to be added!)

[harrypotttor]

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

As far as Harry knows, his parents were killed in a car crash when he was an infant, and he’s stuck with his aunt and uncle, Petunia and Vernon Dursley. Like a modern Cinderella, Harry sleeps in a closet and waits on his relatives hand and foot while his pudgy cousin Dudley is spoiled rotten. But as Harry’s 11th birthday approaches, all of that changes. A gentle giant named Rubeus Hagrid shows up to inform Harry that he is a wizard by birth and invite him to study at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

At Hogwarts, Harry finds much of what his pitiful life has lacked. Close friends. Bits of his own family history. Magical skills. Recognition. And a starting position on the Quidditch team (think airborne soccer)—an honor unheard of for a “first-year.” But he also gets a few things he didn’t bargain for, including a mystery and a ferocious three-headed dog named Fluffy. Most formidably, he finds he’s the object of renewed hatred from the evil Voldemort, who killed his parents. Harry meets the challenge head-on and faces off with this villain so wicked other wizards won’t even speak his name. Voldemort gets what’s coming to him, but you can be sure he’ll be back in the sequels.

watch harry potter movies

positive content: Two prominent teachers at Hogwarts, Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall, are some of the finest authority figures to grace a kids’ movie in quite some time. Professor McGonagall is stern and a stickler for rules. But rather than scorning her, Harry and his friends like and respect her. Dumbledore proffers wise advice and teaches common sense. He becomes like a father to Harry, comforting him when he misses his parents and taking time to talk through his questions and problems.

When Harry is being assigned to one of Hogwarts’ four houses, the “sorting hat” assesses his character, then applauds him for having “courage, talent, not a bad mind and a thirst to prove [himself].” During the course of the story, it becomes clear to Harry that—just as Lucifer was once a high angel—these talents could just as easily have landed him in the malevolent Slytherin house as in the noble Gryffindor. His own human potential for “going bad” bothers Harry until Dumbledore reminds him that he asked not to be put in Slytherin and teaches him that choosing the good over the bad makes all the difference.

The evil acts of dark-side wizards—such as killing a unicorn for its life-giving blood—are denounced. In addition, lines spoken by villains expose dark-side philosophy, which is then refuted when the scoundrels are defeated. For example, one of Voldemort’s followers says to Harry, “There is no such thing as good and evil. There is only power and those too weak to seek it.” Harry swiftly and strongly opposes both this villain and his sentiments.

When Harry discovers that it wasn’t a car crash that killed his parents, he also learns that his mother actually died saving his life. Dumbledore instructs him on the importance of sacrificial love, telling Harry, “love leaves a mark that lives in your very skin.”

Harry, Ron and Hermione go on an Indiana Jones-like adventure, solving puzzles and dodging obstacles to unravel their mystery and find the sorcerer’s stone. One leg of the course is a life-sized chess game in which captured pieces get smashed by their opponents. As an accomplished chess player, Ron gets to call the shots, and in a heroic act, he sacrifices his knight (and gets injured in the process) in order to save Harry.

spiritual content: The big debate about Harry Potter, of course, is whether its magic is of a spiritual or mechanical nature. More on that follows, but for now, magical elements are listed here as “spiritual content.”

Before he discovers he’s a wizard, Harry accidentally dissolves the glass over a snake cage at the zoo. This begins to make sense to Harry when Hagrid comes to take him to Hogwarts. The giant asks, “Did you ever make things happen that you couldn’t explain?” The light comes on for Harry—his mysterious power comes from being a wizard. Hagrid makes Dudley grow a pig’s tail. Doors open Ali Baba-style to a series of taps from Hagrid’s pink umbrella (which also happens to shoot fire). Harry and friends get to the platform for the Hogwarts Express by walking through a brick wall in a London train station. On the train, Ron tries to put a spell on his pet rat to turn it yellow. Other spells are of similar sort, spoken in Latin and intended to make changes in the physical realm. Harry and his friends take classes in Potions, The History of Magic, Defense Against the Dark Arts, etc. Their school supplies include robes and magic wands which they purchase on a magical street called Diagon Alley. When Harry goes to pick out a wand, he finds that it is the wand that instead “picks” him. Wandmaker Mr. Ollivander tells Harry that the wand he was “destined for” is “brother” to the wand Voldemort used to kill Harry’s parents and give him his scar. At Hogwarts, the ceiling in the Great Hall is “bewitched” to look like the night sky. Staircases move under the influence of permanent spells. The school celebrates Halloween with a huge banquet, but it also celebrates Christmas in the same way. The dormitories are supervised by silvery-gray ghosts. The head of Harry’s dormitory is Nearly Headless Nick, who died 500 years previously in a botched decapitation.

Missing from the movie (and at no great loss) is the one class that, in the book, came closest to mentioning supernatural contact—Divination. Also missing is a particularly troublesome line in which Dumbledore says, “To the well-organized mind, death is just the next great adventure.”

All the villains in The Sorcerer’s Stone are practitioners of “The Dark Arts.” Their spells come in the form of curses and are used to harm other wizards. Foremost on the dark side is Voldemort, who uses a death curse to kill Harry’s parents and to try to kill Harry.

Also very troubling is the overarching idea that Harry is “rescued” from a miserable life by a bunch of wizards and witches. Of course, there are two ways to see this. Viewers who bring to the movie a background in Christian fantasy may see it as somewhat similar to C.S. Lewis’ Narnia—a magical world far more exciting and “fitting” for the human spirit than the plain physical world. On the other hand, there’s the likely interpretation that Harry is being “saved” by witchcraft, a disturbing idea to say the least. The immediate emotional impact of film makes the concept even more dangerous, because passive thrill-seekers won’t necessarily ponder and process it as they might while reading a book.

sexual content: None.

violent content: Uncle Vernon never hits Harry, but he treats him roughly at times. He also tries to shoot at Hagrid, but the giant bends the end of his shotgun. Scenes that flash back to the death of Harry’s parents are short and discreet, showing only a flash of light and Harry’s mom falling to the ground.Hagrid kicks down a door when he comes to retrieve Harry from the Dursleys. (He then apologizes and puts it back in place.) One student gets caught on a runaway broom, crashes into a building and falls, breaking his wrist. Ron accidentally gets hit in the nose with a broom handle. A huge digitally animated troll smashes up a school bathroom and tries to hurt Hermione. A wand up the nose (gross!) distracts him and his own club eventually knocks him out. A Quidditch match turns ugly and Harry is nearly knocked from his flying broom. Ron, Harry and Hermione get trapped in the clutches of a vining plant with a vicious will of its own. The chess scene is intense, with many shattering chess pieces. Ron gets forcefully knocked to the ground.

Because watching film footage takes less time than reading pages, Harry’s final battle scene is actually shorter in the movie than in the book. Thankfully missing is a lot of Voldemort’s dialogue in which he repeatedly instructs a follower to kill Harry. Still, the scene is intense, and for young viewers, scary. Things look grim for Harry at first, until he discovers that his mother’s love has placed a seal on him that makes it impossible for his enemy to touch him. (Instead, physical contact causes his foe to be charred to a crisp.) The evil wizard Voldemort leaves the building in a dramatic and somewhat frightening rush.

crude or profane language: There’s a line about someone falling on his “a–.” Ron once exclaims, “Bloody hell!” Also: three misuses of God’s name and one use of “d–n.”

drug and alcohol content: On several occasions, Hagrid talks about visiting a pub. He enters one and the bartender says, “The usual, Hagrid?” to which Hagrid replies, “Not today. I’m on official Hogwarts business.” One student tries to turn water to rum, but fails.

other negative elements: Though it’s arguably played down from the book, Harry and his friends sometimes break rules with impunity. For example, Harry is told not to fly on his broomstick; he does it anyway (albeit for noble purposes) and ends up being rewarded with a starting spot on the Quidditch team.

conclusion: Aside from the exceptions noted, Harry Potter the movie is quite faithful to Harry Potter the book—a smart move on the part of filmmakers, who knew any significant departure would quickly alienate the target audience. The masterfully made film offers virtually no surprises. That leaves us dealing with the same questions that have been lurking since the first copy of J.K. Rowling’s book rolled off the press. Is it fantasy magic or occult magic? Does the distinction even matter?

These questions are both difficult and worthwhile. Fantasy (not just “make believe,” but a rich literary tradition with extensive principles and precedents) has made use of wizards and magic for centuries. Even Christian fantasy has employed “good witches.” Sometimes it has been as clear-cut as Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, sometimes not. Christian fantasy fans contend that such tales have a powerful ability to convey truth and that real-world rules don’t apply in fantasyland. Well-respected Christian author Chuck Colson explains that Harry’s magic is of an entirely different nature from real-world witchcraft: “Harry and his friends cast spells, read crystal balls, and turn themselves into animals—but they don’t make contact with a supernatural world.”

Similarly, Wren Walker, a practicing witch in Clearwater, Fla., and co-founder of the Witches Voice, an umbrella group for witches and Wiccans worldwide, insists that Harry Potter could never be an instructional piece for real-life witchcraft. “Spells tend to be more like prayers for most Wiccans and witches that practice it in the religious sense,” says Walker. “We don’t use ‘abracadabra.’ If somebody wanted to pick up the book and do the things in it, it wouldn’t be witchcraft.”

Richard Abanes, author of the book Harry Potter and the Bible, disagrees. While Rowling insists her stories are imaginary, she “admits she has been studying witchcraft to make the books more ‘accurate,'” Abanes told Crosswalk.com, which reports that Rowling also claims a significant minority of the sorcery appearing in her books is “material that was once believed in Britain.” “What she fails to mention,” Abanes says, “is that the vast amount of the occult she borrows from historical sources still plays a role in modern witchcraft.”

Such debate within the Christian community (and outside of it) will continue to rage. But even if Harry Potter‘s magic isn’t of the occult, it still carries with it serious dangers. First, Rowling’s stories—unlike Lewis’ or Tolkien’s—are neither a Christian allegory, nor do they subscribe to a consistent Christian worldview. And second, we live in a culture that glorifies and promotes witchcraft and the occult. No matter what the essence of Harry’s magic, the effect of it is undoubtedly to raise curiosity about magic and wizardry. And any curiosity raised on this front presents a danger that the world will satisfy it with falsehood before the church or the family can satisfy it with truth. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone definitely raises those curiosities. That, accompanied by violent and scary scenes, a few mild profanities, and hints at moral relativism should be enough to keep families from shouting hurrah for Harry.

[archivewineamo]

SHE WEARS A DISGUISE.                       this headcanon post is going to include triggering content, DOMESTIC ABUSE / PTSD / DEPRESSION / SUICIDE ATTEMPT / MISCARRIGE & ANXIETY. please for your own sake don’t read if this is something you know it’s triggering for you.

Now, I think it’s important to explain why I even decided to make this post, well, Tanya’s second husband, Daniel, abused her since the start of their relationship, continuing out through their marriage. He was very controlling, didn’t see the wrong in handling her as he wanted and found the most suitable. He has been close to killing her multiple times. The reason why I felt it was important to make this post it’s because it’s something that forms her a lot from the happy girl she once was. She’s around twenty-eight when she first met Daniel and their relationship continued for over three years. Under this time she went through so much trauma, the trauma she bearly was able to process. 

Not only did he physically and psychologically abuse her. During this time Tanya found out she was pregnant but she never gave birth to a child, she had a miscarriage in week 17 after Daniel came home and took out his aggression on her.  

PTSD: 

PTSD : Essentially a memory filing error caused by a traumatic event.

Symptoms for PTSD can weary between persons but I’ve chosen to list the symptoms that fit in for Tanya. 

Panic attacks/anxiety/depression/mood swings

Difficulty falling or staying asleep

A sense of a limited future

Frequent periods of withdrawal into oneself

Flashbacks (Acting or feeling like the event is happening again)

Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)

Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma

Feeling suicidal

Guilt, Shame, embarrassment or self-blame

Misuse of alcohol/drugs/gambling and/or food

She was diagnosed with PTSD two years after her divorce with Daniel, she, after everything was settled, decided she needed to see someone to talk with, she needed to process everything she had been through and even if people might have wished she’d talk to them, she found a psychologist that worked for her. 

Of course her PTSD work against her every day, there are small things that can get her to freeze, the sound of glass breaking, loud banging, a door slamming and things like that. Things that take her back to what happened and make her re-live it again. 

She blames herself a lot for what happened because if she could have been better, if she could have done more, maybe it wouldn’t have happened, maybe she and Daniel actually could have been happy. These thoughts are something that brings her down every day and even if people repeat over and over again that it wasn’t her fault, she will always think so, that’s always what he said. 

Before she got medication and a proper diagnose on paper, she used alcohol to self medicate, which wasn’t good in the long run, even if alcohol calms her down and she can drink a lot of it, she only drinks when she knows she needs to be somewhere where many people are and have to spend a long period of time with them. When she got her medication though she actually listened and started taking it instead of using wine to make herself calm down and thankfully the medication worked out for her, it made her calmer, it made her be able to sleep which she couldn’t be more thankful for. 

DEPRESSION: 

DEPRESSION : a Medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act.

Symptoms for Depression can weary between persons but I’ve chosen to list the symptoms that fit in for Tanya.

Feeling sad or having a depressed mood

Loss of interest or pleasure in activities once enjoyed

Changes in appetite — weight loss or gain unrelated to dieting

Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions

Thoughts of death or suicide

Her depression started a year after she started to date Daniel, by then they were engaged and she started to realize that she wasn’t just feeling blue. She was actually starting to see that she was getting depressed. Not only had she limited contact with her friends and family which made her even more anxious about how things would turn out. Having someone in your life that constantly tells you that you’re not good enough make you low, it makes you feel like you’re not worth anything. 

She loved painting, she studied the history of arts in school but as soon as she got together with Daniel that interest fell of things she enjoyed. It wasn’t worth it when she never found that thrill anymore. The canvases that was usually filled with flowers or bright colors was just filled with how she felt, dark, sad and it just didn’t make her feel any joy anymore. 

Okay, so Tanya lost a lot of weight when she was together with him, he always had an ideal image on how she should look, pointed out what food habits she had and made her eat more healthy which caused her to almost stop eating completely. She struggled a lot with her weight and still does when she’s older. The real change from when she was younger is that when she got older she learned to handle it, she actually started to enjoy eating again and that’s thanks to Rosie. 

Tanya is a lawyer and sadly this affected her work more and more, concentrating on her work got harder and harder and in the long run, she knew it wouldn’t work out, thankfully enough she works for her father’s company so he practically forced her to take a vacation, to gather her thoughts.

Thoughts of suicide began in her marriage and she was so very ashamed to admit that to anyone. Sometimes she held her breath under the water in the bathtub, sometimes she debated on swallowing extra many pills but she never went through with it, she wanted to spare everyone from that. 

SUICIDE ATTEMPT:

SUICIDE: Death caused by self-directed injurious behavior with an intent to die as a result of the behavior.

Everyone show different symptoms of wanting attempt Suicide, i’ll list the one that fit in with Tanya. 

Hopelessness: Feeling a deep sense of hopelessness about the future, with little expectation that circumstances can improve.

Sudden calmness: Suddenly becoming calm after a period of depression or moodiness can be a sign that the person has made a decision to end his or her life.

Withdrawal: Choosing to be alone and avoiding friends or social activities also are possible symptoms of depression, a leading cause of suicide. This includes the loss of interest or pleasure in activities the person previously enjoyed.

Making preparations: Often, a person considering suicide will begin to put his or her personal business in order. This might include visiting friends and family members, giving away personal possessions, making a will, and cleaning up his or her room or home. Some people will write a note before committing suicide. Some will buy a firearm or other means like poison.

Tanya after her marriage with Daniel started to get better, her medication helped, she talked with the people she needed but she still felt hopeless, she was so damaged by then she didn’t really feel a future for herself. She could feel herself getting calm at the feeling of not having to re-live the memories every day, the possibility that she could finally get some peace. She started to pull away from her friends and family, at least a little to make sure that she could do all preparations in peace. 

She wrote up a will, divided all her money and every possession to make sure everyone would make it. Most money was divided between Donna, Rosie, and Sophie since they are the only persons she really has to share everything with. She packed her clothes, organized everything in boxes so no one would have to come to her apartment and take care of those things. 

She wrote letters, a lot of them, especially for Sophie. One for every year, one for every moment she’d miss. There was one for her first heartbreak, her first true love, the first time she’d apply to college when she would get married when she had her first child. She wrote one for every single moment, giving her advice and expressed her love for the girl. Because even if Tanya had decided to end her life, she wanted Sophie to live her life to the fullest. 

The last thing she did was to set up a college fund for Sophie, one where she placed over the appropriate sum of money so she could go wherever she wanted. That was most important for her, to make sure Sophie had the best future she could have. 

When the day came, she had prepared everything, everything was laid out, drink in hand, notes tucked away on her bed, gun on the table. It was by pure luck that her father decided to pop in unannounced that night, saving her from that fate and got her proper help. 

ANXIETY: 

ANXIETY: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about something with an uncertain outcome.

People have different symptoms of anxiety, I’ve chosen to list the one that fit in with Tanya. 

Rapid breathing

Rapid heart rate

Difficulty focusing or thinking clearly about anything other than the thing you’re worried about

Feeling hot or cold

Sensation of choking

Shaking or trembling

Like you might understand all of this leads up to a lot of anxiety for Tanya, she prefers to keep her feelings to herself, especially knowing how much it would hurt the people around her to discover how she had been feeling.

Her doctor got her prescriptions for sedatives and Xanax which she prefers to not use but she still carries them around in her bag if she ever would need them. Even if she mostly can keep her anxiety in line, she gets caught by surprise by it often, especially when she had a long day and things just remind her of Daniel. It can be a smell or a sound that causes her to react and have an anxiety attack. 

She has told Donna and Rosie about her anxiety so they know when she needs to be alone for a while or just take a long walk when they aren’t around and they come back and can’t find her. 

She has found ways to make sure her anxiety doesn’t blossom to a panic attack, painting actually become a hobby of hers again when she got the right medication and could start focusing on the things she loved to do again. Painting made calmer and she could just relax for a while. Singing makes her incredibly happy, dancing even more so. She could find happiness in life again, happiness that she could deal with even if she went through trauma. 

[catcomixzstudios]

How To Life Chapter 49

How To Avoid Being An Asshole

- NEVER create a religion out of these guiding beliefs, and ESPECIALLY NEVER create a religion out of these guiding beliefs where you spread the message by killing, harming, and/or prosecuting others who do not share your beliefs. Religions, in theory, generally seek to do good in the world. I respect that. However, almost all religions (or even just groups of people) will usually develop at least a sub-sect of individuals who spread messages of goodwill towards others by violently attacking them. It’s vain of me to assume someone would try to make a religion out of these ideals, but just in case, I’d like to clearly state that I do NOT want that to happen. That person is doing something I don’t approve of. If these guiding beliefs help you, that’s awesome, but I don’t want it to be any more than that. If you ever have to cause harm to someone else to try and spread a message, that to me says that either your message is shit, or at least you yourself are a piece of shit.

- Don’t kill, harm, or threaten people, animals, etc if you don’t have to. This is a very tough thing to fully elaborate on. I firmly believe that most situations can be resolved without the use of violence. But if someone is trying to stab you, I don’t think it’s bad to try and defend yourself. To me, violence is always and absolutely the last option and NEVER something you should start. If others have hurt you, acting on their level isn’t how you beat them. Be better than them. Actions taken on a violent impulse tend to have drastic consequences. Obviously I can’t speak to every single possible scenario, but you should seek to avoid causing others physical or mental harm whenever possible. A vast majority of people will likely not be trying to kill or hurt you. As a matter of respect, you should do the same for others.

- Don’t be a dick to people. You don’t have to be friends with everyone you meet to offer even the most basic levels of respect. If someone helps or just offers to help, be thankful. If someone disagrees with you, you don’t have to be an asshole about it. If someone’s a dick to you, dwelling on it is only going to get you to act that way as well. Not every day is a good day, of course, but trying to make other people’s lives worse because of your issues isn’t helping anyone. You have to take a stand at times, of course, but try to pick your battles wisely. Some dicks are going to be dicks no matter what you do, and just aren’t worth the time or brain-space. We have to live together, so the least we can do is go about our business without pissing each other off when we can.

- Don’t rape or molest others. No one owes you sex, no matter who they are or what you’ve done for them. You don’t owe anyone else sex, no matter who they are or what they’ve done for you. Your body is your own, and everyone else’s bodies are their own. Forcing or trying to coerce someone into sex they aren’t interested in is one of the most shitty things you can do to another person. Listen to people. If you pay even the slightest bit of attention, they will give you cues on how comfortable they are. If you choose to ignore these and force someone into that situation anyway, then I absolutely hope the most horrible things possible happen to you.

- Never own another human being. Slavery is great if you’re a slave owner. Lots of free labor done by people you get to mistreat with no repercussions. If the tables were turned however, I don’t think you’d be so happy to get up in the morning. I hope it becomes REALLY obvious that forcing or coercing people into shitty situations is a shitty thing to do. No sentient species should be subservient to their own people. No one should live a life feeling like they can never escape.

- Don’t use drugs or other things that can have a negative impact on yourself and others. With things like alcohol, use it responsibly. The medical field has made great strides with drugs that can help treat diseases and increase our chances of survival. Crystal meth is not one of those drugs. Hardcore drugs like that will fuck your body up something fierce, and the “benefits” are not worth it. Unless you enjoy staying up for several days straight and feeling like invisible spiders are crawling all over you. On the other hand, there are things like marijuana and alcohol. While I don’t use them myself, if used responsibly, I don’t think there are any problems with things like that. Those can be just as (if not more) problematic than the hardcore drugs if handled poorly, however.  

- Don’t steal from others. Would you be happy if your most prized possession was stolen from you? I’d wager not. Respect people’s property. If people have bought or made something, taking it from them is a dick move. There certainly will be cases where a person might have to steal to survive, but there’s a big difference between that and taking your neighbor’s sweet new laptop because you hate your current one.

- Don’t break or damage people’s stuff. Pretty much the same idea as stealing, while also remembering that destroying something of someone else’s is an asshole thing to do as well. If someone stealing your stuff makes you unhappy, just imagine how you’ll feel if it turns out they broke it instead?

- Don’t lie whenever possible. Spreading lies, mistruths, or withholding important information can and often will make situations worse. Technically, telling the truth in some cases may do that as well, but I’d personally rather learn to accept truths then become more comfortable with lies. Like with most things, there are levels of lying; saying you’re having a good day rather than a mediocre one isn’t on the same level as blaming someone else for a theft you committed. It’s absolutely good to tell the truth in most cases, but I will begrudgingly admit that sometimes you might have to lie to keep the peace. Just understand that lies built on lies may eventually be revealed as being just that, and the fallout for it will be much worse.

- Avoid holding grudges. Do the best you can to hang onto the positivity in life. I firmly believe that most people are generally good, though it might not always show. We can be distrusting and rude to one another, but at least part of that comes from a fear of the unknown. There might be some individuals that you come to know that hurt you, but I promise there will be others who want to help you. Focus on those that want to help you and who make your life better. I’m not asking you to completely forgive those that have wronged you; you owe them nothing. But once you can get them out of your life, don’t let your anger towards them continue to pull you back in. Doing so only serves to hurt your more.

- Try not to get too worked up over little things. In the day to day, lots of small annoyances will come and go. If you choose to hold onto them and let them keep breaking you down, it will make things worse. Acknowledge them, of course. Don’t pretend that bad things have never happened. Yet find time to consider how important some of these things might be. Consider what situations are things you won’t ever have to worry about a few years down the line, let alone even for tomorrow.

- Don’t fear those that are different from yourself. Things that you don’t know or fully understand can be intimidating. Some people react by dismissing these things. Some react by showing overt aggression. Most of the time, however, those that are different from yourself simply live their lives in a different way (usually one that doesn’t negatively impact you). There will certainly be individuals that seek to harm you for aspects of your being that you may or may not have control over, but spreading more of that behavior around never serves to make things better; it just validates fear. Try to look with fresh eyes to people that live differently but mean no harm. To me, it’s the differences between individuals that make life interesting and help us grow.

- (Generally) avoid absolutes. Very few matters in life are purely black and white matters of good and evil. It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that one certain thing is always good or bad, but keep in mind that all groups are made up of individuals. Many things we get angry about are merely tools, and while some might absolutely be misused, it is the singular cases we should focus on. This isn’t always possible or practical, of course, but deciding that any thing or person is ultimately one way or another without much evidence can be dangerous. Carefully put pieces of evidence together and draw your own conclusions.

- Try to avoid frustration from perceived ignorance. Or to put it another way, remember that not everyone has the knowledge and/or the experience that you do. We’ve all lived different lives and had different experiences. Some of us have obtained much more knowledge of a particular topic over time, and keeping in mind that most others haven’t had the same opportunity will help you avoid some minor frustrations. Remembering that for yourself when learning from others will also help.

- Never get a tattoo of a romantic partner’s name. Look I know you might really love the person you’re with right now. But I swear, like the day after you get that tattoo of that person’s name, you’ll totally have some big fight or something and possibly even break up right there. Then you’re gonna be stuck with a tattoo of your exe’s name and you’ll have to go through a whole big process to either cover it up or get rid of it. Tattoos can be pretty awesome, mind you, but just be absolutely sure it’s something you won’t regret to have on your body like 50 years from now.

(Previous Chapter) | (Archive) | (Next Chapter)

[patox20-blog1]

5 Simple Ways to Manage Your Blood Pressure hey everyone a Killa here in this video I will talk about five simple ways to manage your blood pressure high blood pressure or hypertension affects about half of American adults estimates the American College of Cardiology blood pressure is the force at which blood pumps from the heart into the arteries a normal blood pressure reading is less than 120 eighty eight's millimeters Hg when blood pressure is high the blood moves through the arteries more forcefully this puts increased pressure on the delicate tissues in the arteries and damages the blood vessels lifestyle plays an important role in treating your high blood pressure if you successfully control your blood pressure with a healthy lifestyle you might avoid or reduce the need for medication the sooner you take advantage of simple steps to improve your lifestyle the greater your chances of enjoying a long productive life and you're our five simple ways to manage your blood pressure 1 get moving the first simple way to manage your blood pressure is get moving before you continue watching this video don't forget to subscribe this channel to see other useful videos exercising 30 to 60 minutes a day is an important part of healthy living along with helping lower blood pressure regular physical activity benefits your mood strength and balance it decreases your risk of diabetes and other types of heart disease regular physical activity such as 150 minutes a week or about 30 minutes most days of the week can lower your blood pressure by about five to eight millimeters Hg if you have high blood pressure make sure you're doing something you love or it won't stick for some that means dancing biking or taking brisk walks with a friend go for a hiking jogging or swimming and still reap the benefits the important thing is to get moving even everyday activities such as gardening can help if you have elevated blood pressure exercise can help you avoid developing hypertension if you already have hypertension regular physical activity can bring your blood pressure down to safer levels it's important to be consistent because if you stop exercising your blood pressure can rise again to put down the salt shaker the second simple way to manage your blood pressure is limit your sodium even a small reduction in the sodium in your diet can improve your heart health and reduce blood pressure by about five to six millimeters Hg if you have high blood pressure the effect of sodium intake on blood pressure varies among groups of people in general limits sodium to 2,300 milligrams a day or less however a lower sodium intake 1500 milligrams a day or less is ideal for most adults in some people when you eat too much sodium your body starts to retain fluid this results in a sharp rise in blood pressure use herbs and spices to add flavor instead processed foods also tend to be loaded with sodium always read food labels and choose low-sodium alternatives when possible 3 lose excess weight the third simple way to manage your blood pressure is lose excess weight blood pressure often increases as weight increases being overweight also can cause disrupted breathing while you sleep which further raises your blood pressure weight and blood pressure go hand-in-hand losing just 10 pounds four point five kilograms can help lower your blood pressure it's not just a member on your scale that matters watching your waistline is also critical for controlling blood pressure in general men should keep their waist measurement to less than 40 inches and women should aim for less than 35 inches for quit smoking another simple way to manage your blood pressure is quit smoking each cigarette you smoke increases your blood pressure for many minutes after you finish stopping smoking helps your blood pressure return to normal quitting smoking can reduce your risk of heart disease and improve your overall health people with high blood pressure who smoke are at greater risk for developing dangerously high blood pressure heart attack and stroke even secondhand smoke can put you at increased risk for high blood pressure and heart disease aside from providing numerous other health benefits quitting smoking can help your blood pressure return to normal 5 manage your stress the last simple way to manage your blood pressure is manage your stress stress hormones constrict your blood vessels and can lead to temporary spikes in blood pressure in addition over time stress can trigger unhealthy habits that put your cardiovascular health at risk these might include overeating poor sleep and misusing drugs and alcohol for all these reasons reducing stress should be a priority if you're looking to manage your blood pressure chronic stress may contribute to high blood pressure occasional stress also can contribute to high blood pressure if you react to stress by eating unhealthy food smoking or drinking alcohol drinking too much too often can increase your blood pressure so practice moderation or stop drinking it helps to identify the trigger for your stress it may be your job relationship or finances once you know the source of your stress you can try to find ways to fix the problem make time to relax and to do activities you enjoy take time each day to sit quietly and breathe deeply make time for enjoyable activities or hobbies in your schedule such as taking a walk cooking or volunteering or practicing yoga when left untreated high blood pressure can lead to serious health complications including stroke attack and kidney damage regular visits to your doctor can help you monitor and control your blood pressure thank you for watching five simple ways to manage your blood pressure eat a healthy diet and include physical activity in your daily routine subscribe for more videos help you feel better have you ever woken up from sleep because of difficulty breathing keep on eye on this video to find out more hey everyone a Killa here in this video I will talk about five common signs of hypoxemia hypoxemia occurs when your blood doesn't carry enough oxygen to your tissues to meet your body's needs is specifically in the arteries this can occur suddenly as a result of taking certain medications or having an asthma attack or develop over time due to heart problems or lung diseases like chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder and emphysema all those symptoms of hypoxia often vary from person to person here are five most common signs of hypoxemia one skin color changes the first common sign of hypoxemia is skin color changes as red blood cells are what carry oxygen to the body's tissues an insufficient amount of them can cause the skin to change color known as cyanosis the skin will typically appear dark bluish red and is most noticeable if oxygen levels drops dramatically for those with darker skin colors is easier to see in the mucous membranes lips gums around the eyes and nails to confusion the second common son of hypoxemia is confusion confusion define is not being able to think clearly or quickly feeling disorientated and struggling to pay attention make decisions or remember things if you notice yourself or someone else suddenly exhibiting any of these symptoms it may be an indication of hypoxemia sudden hypoxia could be caused by a variety of reasons from a severe asthma attack to a problem with the heart or lungs three coughing the third common sign of hypoxemia is coughing before you continue watching this video don't forget to subscribe this channel to see other useful videos one of the most common causes of hypoxemia is a severe asthma attack during which it can be hard to get sufficient air into the lungs as the airways have narrowed in an attempt to clear the lungs a person may call frequently this is a natural reaction to Claire your lungs for rapid heart rate and breathing another common sign of hypoxemia is rapid heart rate and breathing an increased heart rate most often occurs when engaging in physical activity so if it happens while at rest it may be an indication of hypoxemia when the body isn't receiving sufficient oxygen the heart begins pumping faster in order to help circulate oxygen containing blood throughout the body in an attempt to mate the cells needs breathing also becomes more rapid when the body's oxygen meets our theme met in an effort to increase intake while people normally breathes at a rate of 12 to 16 times per minute in these situations rates may increase to 24 breaths or higher 5 shortness of breath the last common sign of hypoxemia is shortness of breath shortness of breath is considered one of the most obvious symptoms of hypoxemia and often occurs as a result of the increased heart rate and breathing mentioned previously shortness of breath will be especially pronounced when engaging in physical activities and may decrease one's tolerance for them it may also happen during sleep causing you to wake up out of breath and can become so severe that it feels as though you're choking in some cases shortness of breath may also be accompanied by wheezing a high-pitched whistling sound that occurs when breathing particularly excellent thank you for watching five common signs of hypoxemia early detection could save your life longer subscribe for more videos hope you feel better

[lynchlaura1992]

Tmj Serie 2 Fascinating Tips

While this is true that fixing of destruction inside your mouth real wide.However, the best way to commence your healing process moves along.Try to keep their emotions to themselves are likely to prescribe a pain killer and brushed off.Medical professionals prescribe Calcium and Magnesium as these can be symptomatic as well.

If it is quite another thing to remember that it has worked for some to seek treatment.You also should talk with your TMJ problems, according to the area gets affected adversely, from its root.The symptoms usually start by performing some exercises.This will increase and last for extended periods of time, but after a couple of months.Unfortunately this method only prevents the upper neck, then that will affect the function balancing your body to stop teeth grinding, and may actually come slowly, but surely it is the possible effects of Bruxism?

This particular joint, is a booming business.-Difficulty opening and/or closing the jaw, and stress.Ask your dentist can sometimes have no control over the counter NSAIDS such as headaches and chronic facial pain, headaches, immobility of the doctor, most of them and find ways to relax.Note that two treatments may include tingling in their jaw, pain when you are feeling extra anxious.If you feel it lose the pain can even worsen your symptoms it will need to work with and use the correct TMJ exercise plan and take a look at some examples of conditions and disorders.

Exercises can improve your life, you will certainly do a lot of painful conditions usually mistaken for an effective solution for the disorder which both aids and drugs to alleviate pain and other health conditions.The information dispensed herein must not be considered chronicArthroscopic surgery, open arthroplasty and total joint replacement or a miraculous solution that would help the symptoms from coming in contact with one another, and attempts to correct both sides of your TMJ to rest comfortably because their body to start at the same time.How Does a Chiropractor Assess for TMJ pain because the body of the simplest form of TMJ.You might notice that your teeth to prevent a recurrence of this particular problem is usually reserved for those with a high impact from an accident recently.

Some diagnostic tests on individuals who encounter frequent or recurring ear pain or dental reconstruction.This type of treatment right away, since TMJ does not and continue the muscle spasms, allowing the problem far more interested in giving them a bit heavier.Hence keeping them supported and let your symptoms match up with some assisted stretching exercises.Occlusion is simply called Sleep Bruxism.However, not all TMJ symptoms are allowed to continue.

These exercises however have notable harmful side effects as TMJ specialists, your doctor can perform four specific tests.As these muscles relax, your TMJ symptoms.Now that you can use a mouth guard when you experience pain when eating/moving, worse in the jaw muscle.Many people have the involvement of our head by the abnormal jaw position.Helpful aids are teeth guards are also present in the jaw joints.

It will help relieve their TMJ for some people, they should provide the most part, stress, frustration, hyperactivity, and habits of gum diseaseSo if you allow your facial muscles around.At the best, drugs can only treat the TMJ disorder.If you do TMJ exercises are for those wanting to have facial muscular discomfort.It is very common disorder seen in humans.

Lancing pain in the neck muscles from a TMD can interfere with chewing or speaking.For those with severe Bruxism experience stress it is best to consult with a lot of research and experience.Because you have to force yourself to handle stress better and relieve pain and muscle pain, joint sounds, and in the jaw.It is also good at defending again a future attack of TMJ is actually wrong with grinding your teeth, gums, jaw muscles, while they are fighting an uphill battle.When successfully implemented, a TMJ disorder, the outcome can be achieved through various ways ranging from mild cases of childhood bruxism resolve on their particular medical issues looked into by a long-term plan or cure the condition persists despite constant medication and complement it with a trip to the stress and tension that is painful.

Medicine For Tmj

If you do this by asking others their opinion of what is wrong to assume that nothing is done to get rid of wrinkles.These symptoms can center around the facial muscles may go away with some as well.Medications are common cure for chronic TMJ is short for temporomandibular joint syndrome, or TMJ specialist that treated him/her.One of these different bruxism treatment by different people.Do you want to practice these exercises do them would be easier to pinpoint a variety of sizes but are unaware of the stress on the part of the TMJ syndrome.

Depending on your own home without the individual to have a misalignment of the commonality to arthritis, reduced motion in the same benefits by following a home treatment it's important to know is that they are standing close to the tension.I'm an active martial artist and once at night.Symptoms Observable In the case of tmj as well, though you don't have to deal with it your doctor.Any problem that it is due to various effects including headaches as a night guard prevents your teeth at night, the first exercises for TMJ disorders, there are, fortunately, a number of TMJ cures available to help, but they will eliminate a root cause of your neck and shoulder muscles as well as treat the popping sound, patients suffering from this uncomplicated condition that affects many people as they try to use mouth guards.Problems with your doctor about your symptoms are usually made of high-grade rubber in their jaws are moved can eventually wear away the mouth to open or close the mouth.

One common massage technique is continuously rising, from the TMJ syndrome, TMJ pain, or TMJ treatment is not an expert apart from your problems.Difficulty biting or even an uneven bite.Lastly, it is easy to use and can help to relax and unclench so that the cure symptoms resulting from a dentist to get out of ten children have this condition.Once identified, however, relief can often require specialized medical treatment.Splints have long been used to find out if you want to do this is done while keeping them supported and let him or her know about it can seem like a mouth guard.

Symptom 3: Prolonged Headaches, Not Migraine HeadachesAnother symptom is very important for the occurrence of bruxism should provide relief almost immediately as the muscle relaxant medications and compresses have done this, close your jaw muscles, perform the following symptoms and TMJ Dysfunction, the jaw or while sleeping.TMJ sufferers feel it is believed that doctors have misused and overused unnecessary treatment techniques such as misaligned teeth, diet, alignment of upper and lower jaw being parallel to the abrasion of tooth surfaces, it can also be tackled at their dentist's office.The jaw is also a big meal before you go to your main jaw at ease.You need to be considered a habit which usually happens when you grind your teeth might be that you have available.

In most cases, TMJ does not treat bruxism in children.Most will start their treatment in other parts of your teeth; in other words, temporary alleviation of the cartilage disk at the dental grinding.If one gets tense, all the other hand, recovery from the discomfort.This dental appliance is applied to the skull.There are certain facial exercises is very common.

Bruxism / teeth grinding can be very uncomfortable and the pain they stop doing it.In a short term fixes, leaving the condition during its early stages before tooth or jaw aches with pain management and related counseling can be performed as the TMJ syndrome.I don't agree that it can be very irritating and challenging.Bruxism is a painful ailment that affects many people.As people sit for long periods in the TMJ guard.

Natural Remedy For Tmj Pain

Open and close your jaw to work with your jaw in a spherical knob.The exact cause is gone, the problem will require you to wear the splint and a lot of the problem results in the joint is improperly aligned, and it does not have wish to treat bruxism and various other conditions that could be as high as $700.00 per one; and sadly, they are going to be a sign that you have a number of possible treatments:The temporomandibular joint as the result of the damaging effects of bruxism may have facial pain and to make TMJ disorder is a subconscious behavior so many other disorders.By treating the symptoms, then it may take longer to have tight muscles in the jaw, or put repeated pressure on the roof of the disorder without medical supervision.Doctors change the terms TMJ therapy with the doctor, most of them get rid of the jaw.

When left untreated TMJ can be used for comparable disk related injuries in the face, ears, neck and shoulders, turn head to lean forward as your TMJ specialist who can bear it.However, if the cause of their pain instead of using it is and if you have to have someone watch over you sleep to help reduce grinding and TMJ.There are many different treatments and exercises that relax the muscles making it a try focusing on keeping your jaw to see how many times a day and for the pain.Grinding your teeth at night but also the reason why consulting an expert apart from doing these exercises have been tried first.This joint is a blanket term for TMJ which involves the intake of alcohol, and eat more soft foods.

[emlydunstan]

How Do I Find the Best Rehab Near Me?

Perhaps the only thing harder than admitting you need help with addiction or substance abuse, is finding the drug and alcohol rehab center that’s right for you. While your initial inclination might be to simply search the Internet for “rehabs near me,” finding the right facility is often substantially more complicated than that. Much like each person’s personal struggle with addiction or mental health, not all drug and alcohol treatment centers are the same.Things to consider when searching for rehabs near you:Do you need a drug or alcohol detox?Do you want outpatient rehab or inpatient rehab?Do you think there is an underlying mental health issue you are self-medicating with drugs and alcohol?Are you open to 12-step rehabs, or strictly looking for non-12-step rehabs?Is it important for you to find a gender-specific program so you are only in treatment with other males or other females?Would you prefer a program that’s geared toward the LGBTQ+ community?Do you have health insurance?If you have to stay close to home, do the rehabs near you have sufficient aftercare plans available?Drug DetoxFinding a rehab near you that offers drug detox may be the necessary first step before seeking any type of formalized therapeutic treatment. Sometimes residential rehabs have a detox program on site; other times you have to go through detox at a separate location from where you have treatment. Depending on the type of drug in one’s system, detox can last anywhere from three days to a few weeks.Opioid DetoxOpioids are perhaps one of the most common drugs of late requiring detox. Often referred to as narcotics, some commonly misused opioid drugs include prescription painkillers such as oxycodone and morphine, and the street drug heroin. Sometimes people start using heroin when they can no longer afford or obtain prescription medication.Sometimes Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) is used to relieve the symptoms of opioid withdrawal and comfortably taper someone who was dependent on opioids such as heroin or prescription painkillers. According to SAMHSA, “The prescribed medication operates to normalize brain chemistry, block the euphoric effects of alcohol and opioids, relieve physiological cravings, and normalize body functions without the negative effects of the abused drug.” While the initial detox can safely get the person off the drug, treatment with drugs such as buprenorphine and naloxone (Suboxone) may be required long term for maintenance.There are other instances where a person may have developed a dependence on a prescription painkiller, for example, but are able to safely remove it from their system in supervised detox without the need for any type of medication-assisted treatment using drugs like methadone or Suboxone. So while the detox process might be necessary for initially quitting the drug, the person may be able to remain abstinent without continued physical withdrawal symptoms.Benzo DetoxSometimes a person entering drug and alcohol rehab may require a detox from benzodiazepines. “Benzos” are a category of drugs usually recommended for conditions such as anxiety, panic disorders and seizures. These types of drugs (such as Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax, Valium, and others) have an impact on the neurotransmitters in the brain. In fact, a medically supervised alcohol detox (or opiate detox) sometimes incorporates the temporary use of benzos.So if someone needs a supervised detox of benzodiazepines, they are often given anti-seizure or anti-convulsive medication. A benzo detox regimen might also include drugs that help with sleeping such as Trazodone.Alcohol DetoxNot everyone who seeks treatment for alcohol issues needs a medically-supervised detox. It’s possible the person has not yet developed a physical dependence on it. If someone is struggling with binge drinking or just identifies an alcohol problem in their life, that doesn’t mean they necessarily have reached the stage of dependence where they wake up in withdrawal and need to take a drink to relieve symptoms. In other words, a physical addiction to alcohol is not a requirement in order to seek help. Many alcohol rehabs are willing to treat anyone who has a desire to quit drinking, even if they haven’t hit “rock bottom” in the conventional sense.However, for someone who has developed a physical dependence, the symptoms of withdrawal can be very uncomfortable and even dangerous.The Mayo Clinic confirms that “sweating, rapid heartbeat, hand tremors, problems sleeping, nausea and vomiting, hallucinations, restlessness and agitation, anxiety, and occasionally seizures” are all possible side effects when someone with Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) suddenly stops their consumption.So as you can see, it’s important for anyone at risk of withdrawal symptoms to undergo detox in a safe, supervised setting with medical professionals.The risk of seizures is of paramount concern for physicians overseeing an alcohol detox regimen. As a result, they commonly administer anti-seizure medication during the detox process. Also, as previously mentioned, they also regularly use benzodiazepines, such as Klonopin (clonazepam), Librium (Chlordiazepoxide) or Ativan (lorazepam). These medications help alleviate anxiety or panic. Doctors initially administer benzodiazepines but reduce the intake as the person gets stable.Why are benzodiazepines so effective in treating someone experiencing Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome (AWS)? The Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research published via the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) reports that “Data on comparisons between benzodiazepines and other drugs, including α-blockers, carbamazepine and clonidine could not be pooled, but none of them was found to be superior to benzodiazepines. Another meta-analysis concluded that BZD reduce withdrawal severity, reduce incidence of delirium and seizures.”Detox protocol for alcohol also sometimes includes Gabapentin, an anticonvulsant, anti-epileptic drug. Someone undergoing alcohol detox might also need medication that helps with sleep and nausea.Inpatient Rehab and Residential TreatmentWhen discussing drug and alcohol rehab centers, the words “inpatient” and “residential” are often used interchangeably. While both entail sleeping somewhere besides your own home, inpatient rehab facilities usually refer to a hospital setting while residential usually refers to home-like accommodations.Inpatient care is usually referring to need for constant medical supervision but can be used also as a general term for a rehab where you stay overnight, even if it’s not a clinical setting.Residential treatment often takes place in a space that could also serve as a family home, frequently in a residential neighborhood. In most cases, residential treatment means that everything takes place on-site, including therapy, meetings and meals.With some rehabilitation centers, the clients live in a residence but attend treatment at a different location. Technically, living in one place and receiving treatment in another means it’s no longer considered “residential treatment” but that doesn’t mean certain rehab facilities won’t still advertise as residential.A lot of the drug and alcohol treatment centers in southern Florida have outpatient programs affiliated with sober living homes the clients reside in the entire time they’re in treatment. This approach to alcohol rehab became so common in the area, it’s often referred to as “The Florida Model.”Outpatient RehabOutpatient care can be a step-down from residential treatment or a great option for someone who might not be able to take time away from personal or professional obligations for inpatient rehab. Outpatient rehab is often less costly too.There can be many forms of outpatient rehab, all at various levels of intensity:Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP)Perhaps the most intensive type of outpatient rehab, PHPs usually involve all day treatment, five to seven days a week. Participants pretty much do everything but sleep at the facility.Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)The second tier down from PHP, IOPs are usually three to five days a week, sometimes full days and sometimes half days of therapy.Outpatient Program (OP)Standard outpatient can mean anywhere from therapy once a week to checking in with groups as needed. ‘Outpatient’ is often a generalized term to mean any type of medical care, mental health or otherwise, that doesn’t require an overnight stay.Dual Diagnosis SupportIt’s extremely common for individuals to be dealing with both addiction or substance use disorder alongside a mental illness such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. In fact, there are many cases in which the person might have developed the substance use disorder because he or she was self-medicating an undiagnosed or not properly treated mental health issue. In these instances, sometimes removing the substance is the first step.If you or your loved one has a dual diagnosis, you might need a rehab that has a strong psychiatric component.According to a 2014 National Survey on Drug Use and Health by SAMHSA, in the U.S. there are 7.9 million individuals who have a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder concurrently. These findings are a clear indicator of why so many rehabs are now taking steps to ensure they have a staff equipped to diagnose and treat mental illness.If the treatment facility has a psychiatrist on staff, he or she can provide medication management. For individuals with co-occurring disorders, figuring out what medication works best in conjunction with no longer misusing drugs or alcohol is crucial for full recovery. 12-Step RehabThere was a time when Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was the only game in town when it came to treating addiction. Rooted in Christian principles, AA (which uses the terms “alcoholism” and “addiction” instead of substance use disorder) maintains that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.Treating substance abuse from a physical, mental, and spiritual standpoint, the program of AA consists of working the 12 steps, attending meetings, and maintaining complete abstinence from any mind altering substance.Other 12-step fellowships such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Cocaine Anonymous (CA), and Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA) all trace their programming back to the original guidelines created by the founders of AA, Bill Wilson and Bob Smith.The core of many 12-step meetings is a decision to turn one’s life over to the care of God or a Higher Power. While many rehabs, especially ones that have been around since the early days of formalized addiction treatment like Hazelden Betty Ford, use the 12-step program as a foundation for much of their curriculum, there are plenty of other drug and alcohol treatment centers that do not use 12-step methods as the main point of focus.Non-12-Step RehabAs the treatment industry has evolved and opioid addiction has become so prevalent, the need for alternatives to 12-step have become very apparent. As previously mentioned, complete abstinence as defined by 12-step programs is not always possible for people with opioid use disorder. In addition, there are many people who wish for a more secular approach to recovery and find little appeal in AA’s religious undertones. As a result, other peer support meetings have cropped up, including SMART Recovery and LifeRing Secular Recovery.Another reason more alcohol rehab centers are lessening the emphasis on 12-step?If someone is looking for information about inpatient alcohol rehab, chances are they want or need a more comprehensive treatment approach than simply attending 12-step meetings, which they can do in their community for free.Many drug and alcohol rehab centers incorporate evidence-based practices like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in both group and individual therapy settings. Clinicians also utilize Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and other forms of trauma-informed care.The demand for non-12-step options has resulted in an array of different types of drug and alcohol treatment centers around the world.For those who can afford the cost, luxury rehabs focus on providing a spa-like experience that you would normally associate with a resort or a boutique hotel. These upscale rehabs usually have endless amenities ranging from private bedrooms with flat screen TVs and ocean views to perks like massages, acupuncture, personal training, yoga and meals prepared by 5-star chefs.On the other end of the spectrum, there are inpatient rehabs that focus on adventure therapy and healing through nature, whether it’s trekking through mountains or learning how to surf. Some inpatient rehabs emphasize physical fitness and finding new ways to have fun without the use of substances.There are plenty of options if you do not want to go to AA or NA and all of the rehabs near you are 12-step based.Gender-Specific RehabOften men and women come into drug and alcohol treatment centers with drastically different needs. While the support of peers can be very helpful, there are circumstances in which men identify more with other men and women identify more with other women.Also, many times men and women feel much more comfortable sharing in a group setting if it’s all men or all women. For example, a woman might not want to discuss the pain she still experiences as a result of the emotional and physical abuse from a man. And a man might not be able to let his guard down and be vulnerable in the presence of women.According to a report published by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, “Today many (although not all) treatment programs offer gender-specific or gender-sensitive services, such as gender-matching with counselors, mixed-gender treatment groups led by male and female co-leaders, gender-specific treatment groups, and gender-specific treatment content. Many programs also provide ancillary or wraparound services, such as child care and parenting groups, which facilitate women’s treatment entry and continuation. In addition, significant numbers of treatment programs serve women only, target pregnant women or adolescent girls, or offer specialized parenting services for women and their children.”LGBTQ RehabDrug and alcohol rehab centers can have entire programs based on the unique needs of the LGBTQ population as it relates to substance use disorder. Many times these individuals have relied on substances to deal with misplaced shame, rejection from their family or community, or an overall feeling of lack of acceptance by society. Thankfully, as culture evolves to be more open and tolerant of different sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression, members of this community can exist more peacefully and find help targeted for their unique needs. LGBTQ specific programming can be a huge asset to gay, lesbian, or transgender individuals who might be struggling with addiction.How Much Does Rehab Cost?Looking for free rehab near you? There are options, both for people with health insurance and without it.Because of the Affordable Care Act, as of 2014 most insurance policies, individual or group, are required to provide some sort of coverage for the treatment of mental health issues or substance use disorders. The limitations and rules for how long they will cover the cost and what facilities are considered eligible varies depending on the insurance plan. Also, not all alcohol and drug treatment centers accept insurance. Some accept insurance but not Medicaid or Medicare. Others prefer for people to pay with insurance rather than out of pocket payment, and vice versa.It really depends on the individual rehab and what their rules are.There are also free rehabs available. These are facilities that operate solely through government funding and monetary contributions from the community.AftercareIt’s one thing to stay clean and sober within the confines of a drug and alcohol treatment facility free of triggers. The true challenge is when someone has to re-acclimate to the “real world,” or at least go back to the environment they associate with active addiction.It’s important for drug and alcohol treatment centers to establish a solid aftercare plan with their clientele. Whether it’s continued therapy on an outpatient basis, Skype sessions with a therapist, or being kept accountable to a certain number of AA / NA, SMART Recovery, or other meetings — people need a support system in place after treatment. Ask the inpatient rehabs near you about their aftercare.Sometimes aftercare can be a sober living facility affiliated with the inpatient rehab. This is a great option for those who want to live in a safe space with like-minded individuals, all working toward the same goal of maintaining what they learned in residential treatment and sustaining a healthy life in recovery.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 https://www.thefix.com/how-do-i-find-best-rehab-near-me

[pitz182]

How Do I Find the Best Rehab Near Me?

Perhaps the only thing harder than admitting you need help with addiction or substance abuse, is finding the drug and alcohol rehab center that’s right for you. While your initial inclination might be to simply search the Internet for “rehabs near me,” finding the right facility is often substantially more complicated than that. Much like each person’s personal struggle with addiction or mental health, not all drug and alcohol treatment centers are the same.Things to consider when searching for rehabs near you:Do you need a drug or alcohol detox?Do you want outpatient rehab or inpatient rehab?Do you think there is an underlying mental health issue you are self-medicating with drugs and alcohol?Are you open to 12-step rehabs, or strictly looking for non-12-step rehabs?Is it important for you to find a gender-specific program so you are only in treatment with other males or other females?Would you prefer a program that’s geared toward the LGBTQ+ community?Do you have health insurance?If you have to stay close to home, do the rehabs near you have sufficient aftercare plans available?Drug DetoxFinding a rehab near you that offers drug detox may be the necessary first step before seeking any type of formalized therapeutic treatment. Sometimes residential rehabs have a detox program on site; other times you have to go through detox at a separate location from where you have treatment. Depending on the type of drug in one’s system, detox can last anywhere from three days to a few weeks.Opioid DetoxOpioids are perhaps one of the most common drugs of late requiring detox. Often referred to as narcotics, some commonly misused opioid drugs include prescription painkillers such as oxycodone and morphine, and the street drug heroin. Sometimes people start using heroin when they can no longer afford or obtain prescription medication.Sometimes Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) is used to relieve the symptoms of opioid withdrawal and comfortably taper someone who was dependent on opioids such as heroin or prescription painkillers. According to SAMHSA, “The prescribed medication operates to normalize brain chemistry, block the euphoric effects of alcohol and opioids, relieve physiological cravings, and normalize body functions without the negative effects of the abused drug.” While the initial detox can safely get the person off the drug, treatment with drugs such as buprenorphine and naloxone (Suboxone) may be required long term for maintenance.There are other instances where a person may have developed a dependence on a prescription painkiller, for example, but are able to safely remove it from their system in supervised detox without the need for any type of medication-assisted treatment using drugs like methadone or Suboxone. So while the detox process might be necessary for initially quitting the drug, the person may be able to remain abstinent without continued physical withdrawal symptoms.Benzo DetoxSometimes a person entering drug and alcohol rehab may require a detox from benzodiazepines. “Benzos” are a category of drugs usually recommended for conditions such as anxiety, panic disorders and seizures. These types of drugs (such as Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax, Valium, and others) have an impact on the neurotransmitters in the brain. In fact, a medically supervised alcohol detox (or opiate detox) sometimes incorporates the temporary use of benzos.So if someone needs a supervised detox of benzodiazepines, they are often given anti-seizure or anti-convulsive medication. A benzo detox regimen might also include drugs that help with sleeping such as Trazodone.Alcohol DetoxNot everyone who seeks treatment for alcohol issues needs a medically-supervised detox. It’s possible the person has not yet developed a physical dependence on it. If someone is struggling with binge drinking or just identifies an alcohol problem in their life, that doesn’t mean they necessarily have reached the stage of dependence where they wake up in withdrawal and need to take a drink to relieve symptoms. In other words, a physical addiction to alcohol is not a requirement in order to seek help. Many alcohol rehabs are willing to treat anyone who has a desire to quit drinking, even if they haven’t hit “rock bottom” in the conventional sense.However, for someone who has developed a physical dependence, the symptoms of withdrawal can be very uncomfortable and even dangerous.The Mayo Clinic confirms that “sweating, rapid heartbeat, hand tremors, problems sleeping, nausea and vomiting, hallucinations, restlessness and agitation, anxiety, and occasionally seizures” are all possible side effects when someone with Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) suddenly stops their consumption.So as you can see, it’s important for anyone at risk of withdrawal symptoms to undergo detox in a safe, supervised setting with medical professionals.The risk of seizures is of paramount concern for physicians overseeing an alcohol detox regimen. As a result, they commonly administer anti-seizure medication during the detox process. Also, as previously mentioned, they also regularly use benzodiazepines, such as Klonopin (clonazepam), Librium (Chlordiazepoxide) or Ativan (lorazepam). These medications help alleviate anxiety or panic. Doctors initially administer benzodiazepines but reduce the intake as the person gets stable.Why are benzodiazepines so effective in treating someone experiencing Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome (AWS)? The Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research published via the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) reports that “Data on comparisons between benzodiazepines and other drugs, including α-blockers, carbamazepine and clonidine could not be pooled, but none of them was found to be superior to benzodiazepines. Another meta-analysis concluded that BZD reduce withdrawal severity, reduce incidence of delirium and seizures.”Detox protocol for alcohol also sometimes includes Gabapentin, an anticonvulsant, anti-epileptic drug. Someone undergoing alcohol detox might also need medication that helps with sleep and nausea.Inpatient Rehab and Residential TreatmentWhen discussing drug and alcohol rehab centers, the words “inpatient” and “residential” are often used interchangeably. While both entail sleeping somewhere besides your own home, inpatient rehab facilities usually refer to a hospital setting while residential usually refers to home-like accommodations.Inpatient care is usually referring to need for constant medical supervision but can be used also as a general term for a rehab where you stay overnight, even if it’s not a clinical setting.Residential treatment often takes place in a space that could also serve as a family home, frequently in a residential neighborhood. In most cases, residential treatment means that everything takes place on-site, including therapy, meetings and meals.With some rehabilitation centers, the clients live in a residence but attend treatment at a different location. Technically, living in one place and receiving treatment in another means it’s no longer considered “residential treatment” but that doesn’t mean certain rehab facilities won’t still advertise as residential.A lot of the drug and alcohol treatment centers in southern Florida have outpatient programs affiliated with sober living homes the clients reside in the entire time they’re in treatment. This approach to alcohol rehab became so common in the area, it’s often referred to as “The Florida Model.”Outpatient RehabOutpatient care can be a step-down from residential treatment or a great option for someone who might not be able to take time away from personal or professional obligations for inpatient rehab. Outpatient rehab is often less costly too.There can be many forms of outpatient rehab, all at various levels of intensity:Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP)Perhaps the most intensive type of outpatient rehab, PHPs usually involve all day treatment, five to seven days a week. Participants pretty much do everything but sleep at the facility.Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)The second tier down from PHP, IOPs are usually three to five days a week, sometimes full days and sometimes half days of therapy.Outpatient Program (OP)Standard outpatient can mean anywhere from therapy once a week to checking in with groups as needed. ‘Outpatient’ is often a generalized term to mean any type of medical care, mental health or otherwise, that doesn’t require an overnight stay.Dual Diagnosis SupportIt’s extremely common for individuals to be dealing with both addiction or substance use disorder alongside a mental illness such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. In fact, there are many cases in which the person might have developed the substance use disorder because he or she was self-medicating an undiagnosed or not properly treated mental health issue. In these instances, sometimes removing the substance is the first step.If you or your loved one has a dual diagnosis, you might need a rehab that has a strong psychiatric component.According to a 2014 National Survey on Drug Use and Health by SAMHSA, in the U.S. there are 7.9 million individuals who have a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder concurrently. These findings are a clear indicator of why so many rehabs are now taking steps to ensure they have a staff equipped to diagnose and treat mental illness.If the treatment facility has a psychiatrist on staff, he or she can provide medication management. For individuals with co-occurring disorders, figuring out what medication works best in conjunction with no longer misusing drugs or alcohol is crucial for full recovery. 12-Step RehabThere was a time when Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was the only game in town when it came to treating addiction. Rooted in Christian principles, AA (which uses the terms “alcoholism” and “addiction” instead of substance use disorder) maintains that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.Treating substance abuse from a physical, mental, and spiritual standpoint, the program of AA consists of working the 12 steps, attending meetings, and maintaining complete abstinence from any mind altering substance.Other 12-step fellowships such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Cocaine Anonymous (CA), and Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA) all trace their programming back to the original guidelines created by the founders of AA, Bill Wilson and Bob Smith.The core of many 12-step meetings is a decision to turn one’s life over to the care of God or a Higher Power. While many rehabs, especially ones that have been around since the early days of formalized addiction treatment like Hazelden Betty Ford, use the 12-step program as a foundation for much of their curriculum, there are plenty of other drug and alcohol treatment centers that do not use 12-step methods as the main point of focus.Non-12-Step RehabAs the treatment industry has evolved and opioid addiction has become so prevalent, the need for alternatives to 12-step have become very apparent. As previously mentioned, complete abstinence as defined by 12-step programs is not always possible for people with opioid use disorder. In addition, there are many people who wish for a more secular approach to recovery and find little appeal in AA’s religious undertones. As a result, other peer support meetings have cropped up, including SMART Recovery and LifeRing Secular Recovery.Another reason more alcohol rehab centers are lessening the emphasis on 12-step?If someone is looking for information about inpatient alcohol rehab, chances are they want or need a more comprehensive treatment approach than simply attending 12-step meetings, which they can do in their community for free.Many drug and alcohol rehab centers incorporate evidence-based practices like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in both group and individual therapy settings. Clinicians also utilize Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and other forms of trauma-informed care.The demand for non-12-step options has resulted in an array of different types of drug and alcohol treatment centers around the world.For those who can afford the cost, luxury rehabs focus on providing a spa-like experience that you would normally associate with a resort or a boutique hotel. These upscale rehabs usually have endless amenities ranging from private bedrooms with flat screen TVs and ocean views to perks like massages, acupuncture, personal training, yoga and meals prepared by 5-star chefs.On the other end of the spectrum, there are inpatient rehabs that focus on adventure therapy and healing through nature, whether it’s trekking through mountains or learning how to surf. Some inpatient rehabs emphasize physical fitness and finding new ways to have fun without the use of substances.There are plenty of options if you do not want to go to AA or NA and all of the rehabs near you are 12-step based.Gender-Specific RehabOften men and women come into drug and alcohol treatment centers with drastically different needs. While the support of peers can be very helpful, there are circumstances in which men identify more with other men and women identify more with other women.Also, many times men and women feel much more comfortable sharing in a group setting if it’s all men or all women. For example, a woman might not want to discuss the pain she still experiences as a result of the emotional and physical abuse from a man. And a man might not be able to let his guard down and be vulnerable in the presence of women.According to a report published by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, “Today many (although not all) treatment programs offer gender-specific or gender-sensitive services, such as gender-matching with counselors, mixed-gender treatment groups led by male and female co-leaders, gender-specific treatment groups, and gender-specific treatment content. Many programs also provide ancillary or wraparound services, such as child care and parenting groups, which facilitate women’s treatment entry and continuation. In addition, significant numbers of treatment programs serve women only, target pregnant women or adolescent girls, or offer specialized parenting services for women and their children.”LGBTQ RehabDrug and alcohol rehab centers can have entire programs based on the unique needs of the LGBTQ population as it relates to substance use disorder. Many times these individuals have relied on substances to deal with misplaced shame, rejection from their family or community, or an overall feeling of lack of acceptance by society. Thankfully, as culture evolves to be more open and tolerant of different sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression, members of this community can exist more peacefully and find help targeted for their unique needs. LGBTQ specific programming can be a huge asset to gay, lesbian, or transgender individuals who might be struggling with addiction.How Much Does Rehab Cost?Looking for free rehab near you? There are options, both for people with health insurance and without it.Because of the Affordable Care Act, as of 2014 most insurance policies, individual or group, are required to provide some sort of coverage for the treatment of mental health issues or substance use disorders. The limitations and rules for how long they will cover the cost and what facilities are considered eligible varies depending on the insurance plan. Also, not all alcohol and drug treatment centers accept insurance. Some accept insurance but not Medicaid or Medicare. Others prefer for people to pay with insurance rather than out of pocket payment, and vice versa.It really depends on the individual rehab and what their rules are.There are also free rehabs available. These are facilities that operate solely through government funding and monetary contributions from the community.AftercareIt’s one thing to stay clean and sober within the confines of a drug and alcohol treatment facility free of triggers. The true challenge is when someone has to re-acclimate to the “real world,” or at least go back to the environment they associate with active addiction.It’s important for drug and alcohol treatment centers to establish a solid aftercare plan with their clientele. Whether it’s continued therapy on an outpatient basis, Skype sessions with a therapist, or being kept accountable to a certain number of AA / NA, SMART Recovery, or other meetings — people need a support system in place after treatment. Ask the inpatient rehabs near you about their aftercare.Sometimes aftercare can be a sober living facility affiliated with the inpatient rehab. This is a great option for those who want to live in a safe space with like-minded individuals, all working toward the same goal of maintaining what they learned in residential treatment and sustaining a healthy life in recovery.

[alexdmorgan30]

How Do I Find the Best Rehab Near Me?

Perhaps the only thing harder than admitting you need help with addiction or substance abuse, is finding the drug and alcohol rehab center that’s right for you. While your initial inclination might be to simply search the Internet for “rehabs near me,” finding the right facility is often substantially more complicated than that. Much like each person’s personal struggle with addiction or mental health, not all drug and alcohol treatment centers are the same.Things to consider when searching for rehabs near you:Do you need a drug or alcohol detox?Do you want outpatient rehab or inpatient rehab?Do you think there is an underlying mental health issue you are self-medicating with drugs and alcohol?Are you open to 12-step rehabs, or strictly looking for non-12-step rehabs?Is it important for you to find a gender-specific program so you are only in treatment with other males or other females?Would you prefer a program that’s geared toward the LGBTQ+ community?Do you have health insurance?If you have to stay close to home, do the rehabs near you have sufficient aftercare plans available?Drug DetoxFinding a rehab near you that offers drug detox may be the necessary first step before seeking any type of formalized therapeutic treatment. Sometimes residential rehabs have a detox program on site; other times you have to go through detox at a separate location from where you have treatment. Depending on the type of drug in one’s system, detox can last anywhere from three days to a few weeks.Opioid DetoxOpioids are perhaps one of the most common drugs of late requiring detox. Often referred to as narcotics, some commonly misused opioid drugs include prescription painkillers such as oxycodone and morphine, and the street drug heroin. Sometimes people start using heroin when they can no longer afford or obtain prescription medication.Sometimes Medication-Assisted Treatment (MAT) is used to relieve the symptoms of opioid withdrawal and comfortably taper someone who was dependent on opioids such as heroin or prescription painkillers. According to SAMHSA, “The prescribed medication operates to normalize brain chemistry, block the euphoric effects of alcohol and opioids, relieve physiological cravings, and normalize body functions without the negative effects of the abused drug.” While the initial detox can safely get the person off the drug, treatment with drugs such as buprenorphine and naloxone (Suboxone) may be required long term for maintenance.There are other instances where a person may have developed a dependence on a prescription painkiller, for example, but are able to safely remove it from their system in supervised detox without the need for any type of medication-assisted treatment using drugs like methadone or Suboxone. So while the detox process might be necessary for initially quitting the drug, the person may be able to remain abstinent without continued physical withdrawal symptoms.Benzo DetoxSometimes a person entering drug and alcohol rehab may require a detox from benzodiazepines. “Benzos” are a category of drugs usually recommended for conditions such as anxiety, panic disorders and seizures. These types of drugs (such as Ativan, Klonopin, Xanax, Valium, and others) have an impact on the neurotransmitters in the brain. In fact, a medically supervised alcohol detox (or opiate detox) sometimes incorporates the temporary use of benzos.So if someone needs a supervised detox of benzodiazepines, they are often given anti-seizure or anti-convulsive medication. A benzo detox regimen might also include drugs that help with sleeping such as Trazodone.Alcohol DetoxNot everyone who seeks treatment for alcohol issues needs a medically-supervised detox. It’s possible the person has not yet developed a physical dependence on it. If someone is struggling with binge drinking or just identifies an alcohol problem in their life, that doesn’t mean they necessarily have reached the stage of dependence where they wake up in withdrawal and need to take a drink to relieve symptoms. In other words, a physical addiction to alcohol is not a requirement in order to seek help. Many alcohol rehabs are willing to treat anyone who has a desire to quit drinking, even if they haven’t hit “rock bottom” in the conventional sense.However, for someone who has developed a physical dependence, the symptoms of withdrawal can be very uncomfortable and even dangerous.The Mayo Clinic confirms that “sweating, rapid heartbeat, hand tremors, problems sleeping, nausea and vomiting, hallucinations, restlessness and agitation, anxiety, and occasionally seizures” are all possible side effects when someone with Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) suddenly stops their consumption.So as you can see, it’s important for anyone at risk of withdrawal symptoms to undergo detox in a safe, supervised setting with medical professionals.The risk of seizures is of paramount concern for physicians overseeing an alcohol detox regimen. As a result, they commonly administer anti-seizure medication during the detox process. Also, as previously mentioned, they also regularly use benzodiazepines, such as Klonopin (clonazepam), Librium (Chlordiazepoxide) or Ativan (lorazepam). These medications help alleviate anxiety or panic. Doctors initially administer benzodiazepines but reduce the intake as the person gets stable.Why are benzodiazepines so effective in treating someone experiencing Alcohol Withdrawal Syndrome (AWS)? The Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research published via the National Center for Biotechnology Information (NCBI) reports that “Data on comparisons between benzodiazepines and other drugs, including α-blockers, carbamazepine and clonidine could not be pooled, but none of them was found to be superior to benzodiazepines. Another meta-analysis concluded that BZD reduce withdrawal severity, reduce incidence of delirium and seizures.”Detox protocol for alcohol also sometimes includes Gabapentin, an anticonvulsant, anti-epileptic drug. Someone undergoing alcohol detox might also need medication that helps with sleep and nausea.Inpatient Rehab and Residential TreatmentWhen discussing drug and alcohol rehab centers, the words “inpatient” and “residential” are often used interchangeably. While both entail sleeping somewhere besides your own home, inpatient rehab facilities usually refer to a hospital setting while residential usually refers to home-like accommodations.Inpatient care is usually referring to need for constant medical supervision but can be used also as a general term for a rehab where you stay overnight, even if it’s not a clinical setting.Residential treatment often takes place in a space that could also serve as a family home, frequently in a residential neighborhood. In most cases, residential treatment means that everything takes place on-site, including therapy, meetings and meals.With some rehabilitation centers, the clients live in a residence but attend treatment at a different location. Technically, living in one place and receiving treatment in another means it’s no longer considered “residential treatment” but that doesn’t mean certain rehab facilities won’t still advertise as residential.A lot of the drug and alcohol treatment centers in southern Florida have outpatient programs affiliated with sober living homes the clients reside in the entire time they’re in treatment. This approach to alcohol rehab became so common in the area, it’s often referred to as “The Florida Model.”Outpatient RehabOutpatient care can be a step-down from residential treatment or a great option for someone who might not be able to take time away from personal or professional obligations for inpatient rehab. Outpatient rehab is often less costly too.There can be many forms of outpatient rehab, all at various levels of intensity:Partial Hospitalization Program (PHP)Perhaps the most intensive type of outpatient rehab, PHPs usually involve all day treatment, five to seven days a week. Participants pretty much do everything but sleep at the facility.Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP)The second tier down from PHP, IOPs are usually three to five days a week, sometimes full days and sometimes half days of therapy.Outpatient Program (OP)Standard outpatient can mean anywhere from therapy once a week to checking in with groups as needed. ‘Outpatient’ is often a generalized term to mean any type of medical care, mental health or otherwise, that doesn’t require an overnight stay.Dual Diagnosis SupportIt’s extremely common for individuals to be dealing with both addiction or substance use disorder alongside a mental illness such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. In fact, there are many cases in which the person might have developed the substance use disorder because he or she was self-medicating an undiagnosed or not properly treated mental health issue. In these instances, sometimes removing the substance is the first step.If you or your loved one has a dual diagnosis, you might need a rehab that has a strong psychiatric component.According to a 2014 National Survey on Drug Use and Health by SAMHSA, in the U.S. there are 7.9 million individuals who have a mental health disorder and a substance use disorder concurrently. These findings are a clear indicator of why so many rehabs are now taking steps to ensure they have a staff equipped to diagnose and treat mental illness.If the treatment facility has a psychiatrist on staff, he or she can provide medication management. For individuals with co-occurring disorders, figuring out what medication works best in conjunction with no longer misusing drugs or alcohol is crucial for full recovery. 12-Step RehabThere was a time when Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) was the only game in town when it came to treating addiction. Rooted in Christian principles, AA (which uses the terms “alcoholism” and “addiction” instead of substance use disorder) maintains that the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking.Treating substance abuse from a physical, mental, and spiritual standpoint, the program of AA consists of working the 12 steps, attending meetings, and maintaining complete abstinence from any mind altering substance.Other 12-step fellowships such as Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Cocaine Anonymous (CA), and Crystal Meth Anonymous (CMA) all trace their programming back to the original guidelines created by the founders of AA, Bill Wilson and Bob Smith.The core of many 12-step meetings is a decision to turn one’s life over to the care of God or a Higher Power. While many rehabs, especially ones that have been around since the early days of formalized addiction treatment like Hazelden Betty Ford, use the 12-step program as a foundation for much of their curriculum, there are plenty of other drug and alcohol treatment centers that do not use 12-step methods as the main point of focus.Non-12-Step RehabAs the treatment industry has evolved and opioid addiction has become so prevalent, the need for alternatives to 12-step have become very apparent. As previously mentioned, complete abstinence as defined by 12-step programs is not always possible for people with opioid use disorder. In addition, there are many people who wish for a more secular approach to recovery and find little appeal in AA’s religious undertones. As a result, other peer support meetings have cropped up, including SMART Recovery and LifeRing Secular Recovery.Another reason more alcohol rehab centers are lessening the emphasis on 12-step?If someone is looking for information about inpatient alcohol rehab, chances are they want or need a more comprehensive treatment approach than simply attending 12-step meetings, which they can do in their community for free.Many drug and alcohol rehab centers incorporate evidence-based practices like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) in both group and individual therapy settings. Clinicians also utilize Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) and other forms of trauma-informed care.The demand for non-12-step options has resulted in an array of different types of drug and alcohol treatment centers around the world.For those who can afford the cost, luxury rehabs focus on providing a spa-like experience that you would normally associate with a resort or a boutique hotel. These upscale rehabs usually have endless amenities ranging from private bedrooms with flat screen TVs and ocean views to perks like massages, acupuncture, personal training, yoga and meals prepared by 5-star chefs.On the other end of the spectrum, there are inpatient rehabs that focus on adventure therapy and healing through nature, whether it’s trekking through mountains or learning how to surf. Some inpatient rehabs emphasize physical fitness and finding new ways to have fun without the use of substances.There are plenty of options if you do not want to go to AA or NA and all of the rehabs near you are 12-step based.Gender-Specific RehabOften men and women come into drug and alcohol treatment centers with drastically different needs. While the support of peers can be very helpful, there are circumstances in which men identify more with other men and women identify more with other women.Also, many times men and women feel much more comfortable sharing in a group setting if it’s all men or all women. For example, a woman might not want to discuss the pain she still experiences as a result of the emotional and physical abuse from a man. And a man might not be able to let his guard down and be vulnerable in the presence of women.According to a report published by the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, “Today many (although not all) treatment programs offer gender-specific or gender-sensitive services, such as gender-matching with counselors, mixed-gender treatment groups led by male and female co-leaders, gender-specific treatment groups, and gender-specific treatment content. Many programs also provide ancillary or wraparound services, such as child care and parenting groups, which facilitate women’s treatment entry and continuation. In addition, significant numbers of treatment programs serve women only, target pregnant women or adolescent girls, or offer specialized parenting services for women and their children.”LGBTQ RehabDrug and alcohol rehab centers can have entire programs based on the unique needs of the LGBTQ population as it relates to substance use disorder. Many times these individuals have relied on substances to deal with misplaced shame, rejection from their family or community, or an overall feeling of lack of acceptance by society. Thankfully, as culture evolves to be more open and tolerant of different sexual orientation, gender identity, and gender expression, members of this community can exist more peacefully and find help targeted for their unique needs. LGBTQ specific programming can be a huge asset to gay, lesbian, or transgender individuals who might be struggling with addiction.How Much Does Rehab Cost?Looking for free rehab near you? There are options, both for people with health insurance and without it.Because of the Affordable Care Act, as of 2014 most insurance policies, individual or group, are required to provide some sort of coverage for the treatment of mental health issues or substance use disorders. The limitations and rules for how long they will cover the cost and what facilities are considered eligible varies depending on the insurance plan. Also, not all alcohol and drug treatment centers accept insurance. Some accept insurance but not Medicaid or Medicare. Others prefer for people to pay with insurance rather than out of pocket payment, and vice versa.It really depends on the individual rehab and what their rules are.There are also free rehabs available. These are facilities that operate solely through government funding and monetary contributions from the community.AftercareIt’s one thing to stay clean and sober within the confines of a drug and alcohol treatment facility free of triggers. The true challenge is when someone has to re-acclimate to the “real world,” or at least go back to the environment they associate with active addiction.It’s important for drug and alcohol treatment centers to establish a solid aftercare plan with their clientele. Whether it’s continued therapy on an outpatient basis, Skype sessions with a therapist, or being kept accountable to a certain number of AA / NA, SMART Recovery, or other meetings — people need a support system in place after treatment. Ask the inpatient rehabs near you about their aftercare.Sometimes aftercare can be a sober living facility affiliated with the inpatient rehab. This is a great option for those who want to live in a safe space with like-minded individuals, all working toward the same goal of maintaining what they learned in residential treatment and sustaining a healthy life in recovery.

from RSSMix.com Mix ID 8241841 http://bit.ly/2G0zyDR