#once i started a school year with a zero in a class which was . not great. but by the end of the grading period i had a 92 ...

[genderqueer-karma]

i hate school actually (it's my fault)

[violenteconomics]

I am in dire need of more of that AU that The First years get The upperclassmen toxic traits,i realy want more of It,like;

A way to include octavinelle and scarabia,maybe like,3 First years(Ace,deuce,Jack) get some of azul's toxic traits,other Three(epel,ortho and sebek) get Jamil toxic traits and yuu get both

Second thing

More reactings please,i NEED The staff,ALL The dorms and even the relatives seeing The First years developing those toxic traits,the overblots+Trey and cater for deuce getting their toxic traits right back at their face i beg you🙏🙏

anything 4 u, baby.

(but for real, though, this is an AMAZING idea, love you so much for tilling the ground for my brainwormies, mwah mwah 😘)

(also, this might get REALLY long, so hang tight!)

it was just a seed at first — a tiny idea that stuck around despite the first-years not even realizing it was there. but as the poison from their actual housewardens starts to develop into something truly deadly, so does that seed. it shows up later... but it makes itself known nevertheless.

ace, deuce, and jack have all worked for azul at the mostro lounge at one point, and though it was a very brief moment in time, it was just long enough to worm its way into their heads.

it starts with ace trappola, who's already pretty slippery with his words. but working at the mostro lounge, taking subconscious note of all the underhanded deals azul is making, he starts to pick up new... skills, let's say.

it starts small, with ace starting to give out certain favors to his fellow freshmen to earn some money. if you give him ten thaumarks, he'll do one of your everyday chores for you — dusting your room, cleaning your bathroom, making dinner, what have you. if you give him fifteen thaumarks, he'll do your homework if you don't feel like doing it, or take class notes for you if you don't feel like showing up. if you give him forty, he'll help you with something less-than-moral and definitely against the rules (he did it once back at the atlantica memorial museum — he can do it again).

there's an obvious power imbalance in all of these scenarios, but ace effortlessly words in a way that makes it seem like it's a win-win situation, when in reality, it's more like a zero-sum game.

it gets to the point where ace builds a black-market sort of reputation, and all of the freshmen know that if you need something done, ace is the person to go to.

...but then, something shifts.

at some point, ace starts a black-mailing campaign for the people who paid for the forty-thaumark favor. if you don't want your secret — one that might get you expelled, suspended, or worse — getting out, then you can pay for ace's silence with a favor or more money.

the worst part is: there's no way out. if you try attacking ace, it'll seem like you assaulted him for no reason, since if you try to explain he was blackmailing you, you'll have to tell them what he was blackmailing you with, which you obviously can't do — or else what was even the point? the same rule applies if you try tattling on him to one of the teachers or the housewardens or anybody else. and ace is a better liar than most people will ever be in their lifetime, so it's a losing battle even if you do manage to get someone to take your side.

so if you want to cross the bridge, my sweet, you've got to pay the toll.

(it's not even about the money anymore, really. riddle's thirst for control and azul's desire for recognition have clashed inside of ace in the most violent way, and now, it's all about the power it gives him over other people. and after how powerless he's felt this entire school year, being thrown left and right by overblot after overblot with no say at all, this is a power trip he never wants to come back down from.)

but ace realizes he's making quite a few enemies with his little money-making strategy, and he needs someone to help him just in case someone does come up with a plan to wipe him out. i mean, just look at azul — even with all of the loopholes and leverages in the world, even he was taken down eventually without outside help. if he wants this to last as long as possible, he needs... incentive for people to listen to him.

his own jade and floyd.

his own red-and-black collar.

using his riddle rosehearts-born dominance, and taking advantage of deuce's trey-and-cater-born passiveness, ace convinces deuce spade — one of the strongest people he knows — to help him in his economic ventures.

and deuce, seeing this as a way for ace to vent some frustration and unwilling to be on the other end of ace's ire, hesitantly agrees.

he doesn't piece together that ace is acting suspiciously like azul, but he still recognizes his own role in this whole scheme. ace is running a business, right? and deuce has only ever worked in one business before. he remembers what jade and floyd were like back when he worked under them, and so he uses that experience to inform his new position.

deuce becomes known as ace's right-hand man. he'll hunt you down if you don't pay, and he's not afraid to use force to "compel" you to. there have been stories about cat beastmen getting thrown up into trees and being left there for hours. about students getting forks "accidentally" thrown at them in the cafeteria with such precision, it doesn't really feel like an accident. about a student with a spade on his face who can throw back any attack sent his way with just as much force.

and there's nothing you can do about it, because he's in service to someone who has made himself pretty powerful. ace's silver-tongue gets deuce out of any and all trouble he inevitably finds himself in — and is ace is so brutally honest, why wouldn't people believe him? so even if you try to do something to deuce, ace has his back no matter what — and he'll win almost every time.

you mess with deuce, you mess with ace, which is already bad enough. but if you fuck around with ace, you better be prepared to find out with deuce.

they're a pair — that's always been true. but never before has that fact been so threatening.

jack howl comes next. we all know how much jack despises octavinelle's business model. but, begrudgingly, he will admit there are a lot of things he can learn from octavinelle. and more knowledge is never bad. as long as he doesn't actually use it, it should be fine.

(jack is more dangerous than ace and deuce, in a way — his toxicity is insidious in a way it just couldn't ever be with them.)

with excellent hearing, eyesight, and memory, he silently keeps note of every bribe he hears being taken. every lie he knows is being told. every mistake that gets swept under the rug. it's not long before he starts actively looking for it. it's not long before jack's uncovered dirt on almost every freshmen in school. it reminds him a bit of his time working at the mostro lounge. but instead of memorizing orders from customers, he's memorizing all their dirty secrets.

it's to protect himself, jack reasons. after all, it was only his input that put a stop to leona and ruggie's plans back during the spelldrive exhibition. he's just... preparing for another disastrous event, that's all. it's just precaution. insurance.

if it's not, then he'll have to accept that leona's overblot bothered him more than he thought. that he was weak enough to let it.

(and jack can't face that yet.)

and if, once in a while, ace comes to him looking for a little bit of information, then well, that's just lending a friend some advice. nothing wrong with that.

epel, ortho, and sebek don't have any direct ties to jamil, but they are certainly... impressionable, aren't they?

sebek zigvolt is a bit dense, certainly, but even he can see how well jamil takes care of his master. and with a master that's as ditzy and forgetful and all-over-the-place as kalim, that can't be easy. even if they are merely humans, and their experiences can't even begin to compare when it comes to serving a fae prince, sebek reckons that he can learn a thing or two by observing them. so that's exactly what he does.

one day, when kalim spills food on the floor in a hilariously ridiculous move, sebek notices something few others ever would. jamil gives the tiniest twitch of annoyance — the same way silver, in all his stoicism, often does when sebek gets too loud — but then he's back to being perfectly dutiful and polite and says "i'll go get a napkin."

it's... admirable, honestly. sebek doesn't put it into practice right away, but it stays in his mind long after he first sees it.

and then, after malleus's overblot, sebek's emotions feel like they're on fire. after being stuck in a world where it took just the tiniest crack to shatter a perfect illusion, he's wary of nearly everything that disrupts his day. now every single slight against him, no matter how unintentional it may be, feels like a personal attack on his very life. but sebek can't show these ugly emotions so outwardly — that would be dishonorable behavior that could damage malleus's reputation. instead, he resorts to subtle methods that can't be easily traced back to him like putting in frogs in schoolbags and setting brooms on fire or replacing shampoo bottles with tar.

but his repressed feelings of anger start to build to the point where he's now feeling unprecedented resentment towards... well, almost everybody.

when sebek has very first negative thought about malleus in history class — "reckless bastard" — he instantly hates himself for it and throws up then and there because how dare he.

he tries to shut them out, but the more he does, the more these intrusive thoughts start to bombard him with their uncharacteristic cynicism.

he looks at lilia from across the breakfast table, and his first thought is: heartless liar.

he spots leona lying in the botanical garden and he thinks: brainless cretin.

he even sees jamil, walking through the halls, and his mind screams: manipulative bitch.

but sebek shoves it all down because he's in no position to say that. it gets to the point where he's walking around as a silent, unfeeling husk, because to be anything else would be like inviting his inner demons to visit him on the outside. he pushes his emotions down as far as they'll go, and that's just going to have to be enough to get him through the day.

ortho shroud begins to follow a similar principle. his idia-inspired pessimism has led ortho to see others as less like people and more like characters. it's easier to think of every school day as a dungeon in an rpg. it's easier to convince himself that the other students are taunting him because they're programmed to be that way than face the reality that they just don't like him.

but the problem with seeing life as a video game is that you start seeing others as just ways to complete your objectives. like npcs or maps.

and when it comes to using people, jamil viper is king. or, for ortho's purposes, the ultimate survival guide.

ortho shapes himself into a model night raven college student — kind, charming, and sweet for the teachers, but just mischievous and rude enough to still fit in with the students.

he goes to housewarden meetings with idia to "gain leadership experience", taking notes and hearing out of every single little idea he can get his hands on (these are the people who have not just survived, but thrived. they must be doing something right). one time, riddle even pats his head and praises him for his proactiveness.

his classmates adore him for always been willing to help and being so calm about even the worst outcomes.

ortho makes himself as available as possible to the rest of ignihyde, brushing off homework or studying to help them with whatever they need — fixing game consoles, wiring in controllers, checking the internet connection, et cetera.

eventually, everyone believes in him almost as fiercely as scarabia believed in jamil, once upon a time.

ortho doesn't like telling all of these lies, but it's necessary to protect himself. it's like grinding to earn coins until you have enough money to buy that special armor in the shopkeeper's store.

...or maybe it's more like those cheesy dress-up flash games ortho used to play all the time — fleshing out the perfect outfit and hairstyle and makeup that'll earn you the most points.

if people feel like they need him, he'll be able to breeze through school without any more problems. he's put the whole system on easy mode! it feels a bit like cheating, almost.

it is like a game, isn't it? it's fun.

(at some point, ortho forgets how to stop.)

as for epel... well, he knows that his sudden snappish behavior towards the other pomefiore students won't go unnoticed for too long. but this is one of his only ways of venting, so he needs it to go under the radar long enough for him to... to squeeze out all of this sudden venom that's built up in him.

epel's not oblivious. he knows how sebek and ortho have changed over the weeks, and he knows why. but epel can't pull off "repressed" like sebek, and neither can he suddenly turn into the best person ever like ortho. but they do have the right idea about taking inspiration from jamil, so epel can fall back on what there is left: gaslighting.

every time kalim blacked out, jamil blamed it on him being sick. every time someone thought kalim was being awfully uncharacteristic, jamil called it a "mood swing". every time someone asked jamil about why kalim was acting so weird, jamil claimed ignorance.

at least, that's what yuu tells epel.

and it's perfect.

so now, every time someone confronts epel about his overly critical behavior, he lies and says he's doing it for their own good. you need pressure to make a diamond, after all. and besides — vil won't settle for anything less than absolutely perfect.

("i'm just trying to catch your mistakes before he does. and i think you and i can both agree that i'm a lot nicer than he is about it.")

every time vil confronts epel about all of the complaints he's been hearing from the other students about how epel's been tearing down their ideas for outfits and hairstyles with no mercy, and disregarding all of their achievements as "not good enough" to be proud over, epel dons a confused face.

("vil, between studying for tests and the crazy physical regiment you have me do, i barely have time for myself. you honestly think i have the energy to criticize other people?")

epel even starts turning people against each other so they won't focus on him. epel subtly threatens to take away the upperclassmen's position in the hierarchy, which sets up the other underclassmen as a threat, and epel grouses to the underclassmen that the upperclassmen look down on them for not living up to pomefiore standards, under the guise of regular teenage bitching.

but all of this, combined with their self-entitlement, leads to a mini-war in pomefiore. but since this is, well, pomefiore, where being perfect and poised is the standard, the others make sure never make it obvious in front of vil or rook.

epel plays everybody like a fiddle, and ensures that none of it can be traced back to him. it's a good way to get out his frustration. and hey — it seems like everybody's upped their game along the way. vil seems pretty happy that everybody's improving in their efforts so greatly, practically overnight!

epel wakes up with a feeling of accomplishment everyday. for once, it seems he did something right.

now if only rook could stop looking so somber...

then we come to yuu, whose inner darkness has been left to fester all year. if people think they can treat them like a ragdoll, it's only fair they do the same.

there's a lot yuu doesn't have, but one thing they're really lacking is a bit of respect. that's what it means to be magicless in an arcane academy. you're at the bottom of the food chain.

and look at what a bit of self-interest can do for you! yuu studies in the library until late into the night, burning the metaphorical candle at both ends, learning everything they can about magic until they're more well-versed in it than most students in the school. yuu starts making potions that aren't nearly as good as azul's, but they're cheap and work well enough. they start making study guides for others with their new-found knowledge, even if they do bristle with the fact that a damned study guide is what caught them in azul's tentacles in the first place. they start learning anything and everything, clinging to whatever scraps of knowledge they can write down.

with this, they successfully make their case for why they should join ace and deuce's business. eventually, they're just as feared as they are among the other first-years.

but that's not enough for yuu. the power of fear is nice, but the power of controlling other people would be much more cathartic.

so that's what they do. while ace is more focused on monetary gain, yuu uses their mountains of blackmail to convince others to do whatever they want.

if crowley throws another ridiculous task at them, yuu simply hoists it off to somebody else to do. if ramshackle dorm needs a few repairs, it's only a matter of contacting a few people before a whole construction crew paid off by somebody else comes knocking at their door. and they'll do it, if they don't want to get kicked out of the school or have their reputation ruined.

but somehow, even with all of this, yuu sets themself up as the nicest out of their little trio. they're willing to let payments slide from time to time. they listen to their clients' problems. they take constructive criticism and always seem to improve in their potions and study guides based on feedback. and if you do do yuu a favor, they'll give you certain favors right back.

so even when yuu is a covetous, greedy, all-consuming shark, the students still think they're so very, very nice. because compared to ace and deuce, what else is there to think?

but this can only go on for so long. and yuu knows that.

one day, they get called to the headmage's office. yuu is already going through their contact list — a list that's quadrupled ever since they joined forces with ace and deuce — to see who'd be willing to do them a teensy little favor for them, but when they step through the door, they pause.

inside the office are all the housewardens, their vices, the teachers, and everybody else yuu has grown to know over the past year.

yuu narrows their eyes as riddle steps forward.

"yuu," riddle starts sternly, "from one housewarden to another, i believe we need to talk."

^

(i will address everyone's reactions in a reblog, because this is honestly getting really, really long, lol. but don't worry, the reactions are coming! 🥺)

(but i should mention that there is already a good reblog of the original post by @thenumberhuntress which addresses the upperclassmen's reactions that you can find here. go read it. it's peak.)

(once again, thank you for the great ask! this was fun to make!)

[divine-knight-hand]

The End of an Era

Regina George Masterlist || Full Masterlist || Read on AO3

Pairing: (Reneé Rapp's) Regina George x Female Reader

Summary: After the iconic Christmas dance fiasco, one of Regina's long-time admirers decides to make sure she's okay.

Content Warnings: Mentions of being a pervert, but fluffiness from there, brief mentions of weight change and dieting, a poetry reference, a bit of toxic behavior (and verbal degradation) but Regina is a queen and I'm wearing rose-colored glasses, nothing spicier than kissing, but their is some dubious consent (but the want is mutual!)

Notes: Christmas dance scene moment!!! I just recently saw the new Mean Girls and Regina George was all that was on my mind since. So, I quickly wrote this up. Enjoy!

Word Count: 1,624

Dividers by @anitalenia

I’m no better than a man… I thought as I ogled Regina while she danced onstage.

Most of the student body didn’t care for the plastics’ “Rockin’ Around the Pole” routine, but I made sure I had the best view of it every year. I already knew before this year’s performance that it would be a little different. I recognized the group’s newest member, Cady Heron, from homeroom. Regina quickly took an interest in her when she first transferred in, and she became the newest member of the plastics.

I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. What did it feel like to have Regina look at you in fascination? What did it feel like to be taken under her wing? How many times did Cady hang out with her? How many times did Cady go to Regina’s house?

The clapping of the girls’ leather boots made me jump, and my eyes zeroed back in on Regina. No, I didn’t actually care for the performance itself, but from freshman year, when I first saw Regina in the same tight-fitting crop top, short skirt, long gloves, and thigh-high boots, I was awe-struck. Since then, I’d taken to watching her from afar, which was easy to do, since she always made her presence known when she entered a room. With each passing day, I grew more and more enamored with her.

I found myself instinctively leaning in once the girls set up one of the grandest moves in their performance. Karen took to the bottom as Gretchen guided Regina into a handstand on her knees from behind. I willed my eyes down to Regina’s face once she made it into position.

Though I spent the performance letting my eyes travel along her body–looking at her thighs in the space between her skirt and boots, her exposed sliver of midriff under her crop top, and watching the way her beach blonde waves fell to frame her gorgeous breasts–I would not be perverted enough to hone in on her crotch as her skirt flipped. My mind might already be in the gutter, but I’d still have a little class.

I’d noticed that her clothes seemed to be fitting her a little tighter than normal this year. There were rumors floating around that Regina was gaining weight, but I also heard that she was on some health kick with special weight loss bars, so that couldn’t have been possible. It had to have just been in my head.

Or so I thought.

Suddenly, Karen’s legs began to shake, and as Regina lost her balance, Gretchen lost her grip, sending the three of them tumbling to the ground in front of a surprised Cady. The audience let out a unanimous gasp as Regina hit the floor face-first. Oh, shit!

It didn’t take long for all the cameras to start flashing, and the look on Regina’s face told me she knew that her life as the untouchable leader of the plastics was quickly coming to a close.

I figured that famous poet who said the world doesn’t end “with a bang but a whimper” clearly didn’t consider the fact that a teenage girl’s world could get explosive in an instant, without a single warning. I’m sure they’d change their mind once they met Regina George.

The curtains began to close, but not before I saw Regina take to her feet and speed backstage. I felt terrible for her. Was she one of the meanest people in the school? Yes. But, I was also in love with her- I mean- a firm believer that nobody deserved that level of humiliation. Not even mean girls. So, out of a sense of heartache and longing to comfort her, I did what any normal and not creepy person would do. I jumped out of my seat and went after her.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

I couldn’t actually follow Regina backstage, since I wasn’t in the talent show, so I ducked into the bathroom closest to the auditorium. As soon as I opened the door, I saw her, and my heart leapt into my throat.

She slammed her fists down on the sink in front of her, letting out an angry growl.

I gently closed the door behind me, not wanting to alert her yet, but my shoe audibly squeaked against the floor, and Regina’s head snapped in my direction.

I gasped once I saw her. It was an instant, and she quickly turned away, but after she made mascara tears a school-wide trend, it was hard not to notice when they were on her face.

“Get out.” She spat, still facing the other way.

“I- I wanted to see if you were okay.” I stammered.

“I didn’t say to start spewing mushy shit,” She insisted in that same cold tone. “I said to get the hell out.” When I didn’t immediately move, she roared. “NOW!”

I reeled backwards in surprise when she got loud, feeling an instant sense of guilt. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep. I’ll go.” I turned to grab the door handle, but paused when I heard her sniffle again. “You know, I come to see your performance every year.”

“Yeah, everyone does, because I’m amazing.” I turned my head to see Regina impatiently drumming her fingers on the sink, gloves long abandoned. “What, did you think you were different?”

“No,” I admitted. “I know that nothing I do really sets me apart from anyone else in this hellhole.” She snorted at my remark, and I dared to slowly approach her. “So, yeah, I’m just like everyone else. I came to see your dance. I follow all the trends you set. I turn my head whenever you walk into a room. Hell, whenever you turn up, you’re all I can see.”

She snapped her head back to me, her face set in a stoic expression. “Are you mocking me right now?”

“No, no!” I stopped my advancements, waving my hands to emphasize. “I would never!” I moved my hands to my pockets, eyes drifting down to my shoes. “If anything, I was mocking myself. I’m just like any other nobody in North Shore. I honestly wouldn’t expect you to recognize me. Sorry for bothering you.” I bit my lip in shame, debating whether or not I should leave.

A beat of silence passed before I made up my mind to go, but before I had the chance, Regina spoke up. “You’re Y/N L/N.”

My jaw dropped.

“Ew.” Regina closed the gap between us, coaxing my mouth closed with a hand under my chin. “Don’t do that.”

“Sorry.” I muttered, heat creeping into my cheeks. She touched me! She actually touched me!

“I do know you.” Regina went on. “It’s a bit hard not to notice when someone’s practically stalking you.”

My cheeks burned with humiliation. “I… I…”

A faint smile stirred at her painted red lips. “Especially when they’re as cute as you are.”

What? “What?”

“Ugh, get your ears cleaned.” She rolled her eyes. “I said I think you’re cute. Do you honestly think I’d let you creep on me if you weren’t?”

I scratched the back of my neck. “Sorry about that…”

“Don’t be.” Regina moved my hand before wrapping her arms around my neck. “I liked your eyes on me.” She pressed her body against mine, and I hoped she couldn’t feel my heart fluttering. “Everyone watches me, of course, but you’re the only one I like watching me.”

“Regina…” I breathed.

“Oh. My. God.” Regina scoffed. “Stop being such a prude and wrap your arms around me. What are you, a nun?”

“S- sorry…” I muttered, moving my hands from their tense position at my sides to hold her. I felt electricity under my fingers once they made contact with the skin of her midriff.

“That’s… better.” Regina ran her tongue over her teeth, like a hungry shark eying its prey. “I don’t wanna kiss you without your hands on me.”

WHAT?! “Wha-” She cut me off by pulling me into the promised kiss.

She rolled her body against mine, and I sighed, my eyes fluttering shut as I let her tongue into my mouth. Her hands clawed against my back as she tried to pull me closer.

She pulled away, only to keep kissing my face. She kissed all over my cheeks before trailing her kisses along my neck to the collar of my shirt. I shivered as one of her hands pulled at my shirt, and I felt her lips against the sweet spot in my neck.

“Regina…” I breathlessly sighed. “I adore you…”

“I know~” I felt her mouth spread into a grin against my mouth.

Then, all too soon, she pulled away from me, fixing her hair as she looked me up and down.

“You came to ask me if I was okay, right?” She raised an eyebrow at me.

“Y- yeah,” I stuttered, still in shock from our kiss.

“Well, I’m better now~” She winked. “So, thanks for that.”

Before I could even formulate an idea on what I could possibly say next, she was out the bathroom door.

What just happened? I wondered just before my reflection caught my eye. I was covered in blotches of red lipstick. It was scattered on my cheeks, coloring my neck, and smudged across my lips.

I gingerly reached a hand up to admire myself. I was all marked up. I was Regina’s.

After tonight, we knew Regina might not have been queen of the plastics anymore, but I hoped that she left the room with the understanding that she would always be a queen to me. Her world didn’t end with a bang or a whimper. It ended with a kiss.

[sivavakkiyar]

Sakai is coming up a lot more recently on here so I’d like to bring up a passage from his interview ‘when race burns class’:

A number of years ago, i was trying to help a group of young Chinese-American activists on an anti-racist campaign. This was an interesting case of how a pure "race" issue only fronted for class politics. Now, these folks were "paper Maoists" in every worst way you could think of – and all my friends know that i'm someone who has warm feelings for the old Chairman. Not only did they have what Mao once called "invincible ignorance", but were also arrogantly full of Han nationalism. They did have physical courage, at least. Their project was to protest the sports racism in the famous industrial town of Pekin, Illinois – which was originally named in the 19th century after Beijing, and whose high school sports teams were colorfully named "the Chinks"! (capitalism, what an ever-amazing civilization – what next? "Auschwitz! The Perfume!" ).

Every week a few carloads of young Asian protesters would arrive in Pekin to picket the high school and city hall, hold television news conferences, and keep the issue simmering in the news. You see, the small flaw in the campaign was that all the protesters had to be imported from New York and Chicago. There were only eight Chinese families in town, and all were refusing to have anything to do with the anti-"Chinks" campaign (not wanting to lose their livelihoods, homes, and be driven out of town by the controversy).

By accident, not in any political way, i had casually met two vaguely liberal young white guys there. One was a teacher in that very high school. The second was a UAW (United Auto Workers union) shop steward at the nearby giant Caterpillar tractor assembly plant, which was Pekin's main industry. So i thought maybe they could be persuaded to get some local people to take a moderate wishy-washy public stand, anything just to give the Chinese families some local community cover if they wanted to speak out (there was zero local support of any kind, including all the unions and churches of course).

When i suggested it to this Maoist group, there was a moment's startled stony silence. Then the leader barked, "We do not work with white people!" Discussion over. So, is this a good example of that error of "racial issues taking precedence over class issues"? i know some radicals might think that, but they'd just be getting faked out.

First off, to those activists running it, "race" was not what was central to their thinking. After all, if those Asian American dudes had really been into either "race" or anti-racism they might have started by organizing and working with the local Asian families. They might have tried to help find some survival strategy for these families, who couldn't just drive off into the sunset after each press conference (being an isolated Asian family in a heavy white racist scene is no joke, obviously). This is just a normal problem in anti-racist work, which folks had to deal with all the time in small towns in 1960s Mississippi, for instance.

It also wasn't true that those Chinese-American leftists "didn't work with white people". They did that all the time, when they wanted, and these Han nationalists even argued for the "revolutionary" nature of the white working class . What i came to realize was in that situation they didn't want any broad community support for the Chinese families there, or to let others into "their" issue. Because they had a really different agenda. Which was to get sole public credit for this and other anti-racist issues, so that their little Maoist "party" could vault into political dominance over the Chinese-American communities. Later, when they thought it necessary, they even used physical violence and death threats to drive other Asian groups away. They intended to be the people in ethnic power, in effect like replacing the tongs . These "paper Maoists" had a pure class agenda, all right, only it was a bourgeois agenda. Although they themselves might have honestly believed what they did was "revolutionary", they had anti -working class politics hidden by "anti racism" and left people of color talk.

And this Maoist group really did get their Andy Warhol-like "15 minutes of fame", becoming large in part because the more dishonest and destructive their "anti-racist" maneuvers became, the more support they got from white middle-class liberals and "progressives" (coincidentally?). i mean, from many white social-democrats, those white anti-repression "experts", academic leftists, etc. Those types that subject us to those endless droning lectures about "the working class" (which they aren't in and don't get, of course). As a sage comrade of mine always says, "Like is drawn to like" even if their outward appearance is very different.

This is a more difficult, easy to slip and fall on, even dangerous way of seeing things than radicals here are used to.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

You're My Home

Summary: You and Javi have both had one of those weeks where no matter how hard you try, nothing seems to go right. It only takes so long before something stupid makes the both of you snap. When Javi confesses to you what's been putting him on edge, you find a way to make it up to each other.

Word Count: 4.9K

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader (no use of y/n)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), established relationship, unprotected p in v sex (wrap before u tap), vaginal fingering, creampie, angst, PTSD (poor Javi has a panic attack but you help him through it), hurt/comfort, makeup sex (!!!!), bad communication but apologizing/forgiving each other, mentions of food/eating, reader wears Javi's shirt and is carried by Javi, fluff fluff fluff bc you two are so in love with each other it hurts

This can be read as a stand alone or as a part of the It's Never Too Late Series!

A/N: I don't know what's been in the water that has me so compelled to make something angsty, but here we are!! Once I started writing this I quite literally could not stop, and it turned out to be one of the most intimate things I have ever written 😭🥺 I love these two sm

It had been a week. 

A long fucking week. 

One of those weeks where it felt like no matter how hard you tried, everything just felt… off. You had just started volunteering to run the Alma Pierce Elementary School drama club, which had you staying an extra hour and a half after school every Monday and Wednesday, on top of preparing for Parent-Teacher Conferences next week. You loved your group of students this year, but holy shit, were they chatty, and the past few days you felt like you might as well have put a cardboard cutout of yourself at the front of the room and left, because your class had absolutely zero interest in paying attention to you. To top it off, you could tell that Javi was having a bad week too. You hadn’t seen much of each other the past few days, with you working late and prepping for conferences, and Javi working on a new project the department had dropped in his lap without notice. Even though you lived in the same apartment, you had felt like strangers this week. Sure, you’d had off days before, but the two of you were always open and honest with each other, seeking comfort and safety in the other's presence, knowing that you were both there for one another, through good times, and bad. 

But this week was not like those “off” days. Something about it had felt tense, cold, even. You hated it. You hated every second of it. The two of you were never like this. Javi was your best friend, yet somehow, sitting in the same room, you still felt a million miles apart. Every interaction that you’d had left a worse taste in your mouth than the last- snapping at each other over stupid things like unclosed containers in the fridge or leaving towels on the bathroom floor. The worst was that Javi just could not seem to let things go, his presence feeling overbearing, almost bossy, with everything that you did. 

“You left the iron on while you were getting ready, you’re gonna burn down the fucking aparment.” 

“Double check the locks on the door, you forgot this morning.” 

“If you don’t fix the bath mat before you get in the shower, you’re gonna break your goddamn head open.” 

Even worse than that, when you tried to politely remind Javi about something, or do something helpful for him, he had been a complete asshole to you. 

“Yes, I can remember to clean it up after I’m done, I’m not fucking 8 years old.” 

“Jesus, I know we need more coffee creamer, you put it on the grocery list and reminded me twice.” 

“I can put away my own laundry, just let me do it.” 

It felt like he was breathing down your neck, the fly in your ear that just wouldn’t go away, and it made you want to scream. You had considered yourself to be a pretty patient person- working with kids, you had to be, but this week, Javier Peña seemed to be testing every ounce of patience you had left in your body, and you were about to run out.  

Your Friday night routine with Javi normally consisted of the 3 same things every week

Javi picking up pizza from place down the street on the way home from work

Eating the pizza and watching a movie 

Pausing said movie to have sex, finish watching the movie, and then fall asleep on the couch. 

On this particular Friday, you had a very strong suspicion that none of those 3 things would be happening tonight. When you came home, you practically collapsed from exhaustion the moment you got through the door. Dropping your bag and kicking off your shoes, you crawled your way to the couch, completely collapsing in its cushions, taking a few deep breaths to try and regain your composure from the hellish day it had been. You finally mustered up enough strength to get up and change out of your work clothes into something more comfortable before sulking around the apartment, making yourself finish chores that had seemed to go neglected all week. Javi was normally home a half hour after you, but as you looked up at the clock, he was 20 minutes later than usual. It wasn’t long before another hour had gone by, leaving you absolutely starving, unable to wait for the dinner Javi may or may not be bringing home. You scavenged through your fridge and pantry, pulling out sauce and spaghetti to make yourself pasta to at least tide you over. 

When Javi got home two hours past his normal arrival, you were shocked by the smell of pizza that filled your apartment as he walked through the door. You were even more shocked by the reaction he had to seeing the pot of noodles you had left out on the stove while you sat at the kitchen table to finish report cards to hand out at conferences. 

“Did you already fucking eat?” His tone was sharp and brash as he dropped the pizza box on the kitchen counter. 

“Well you’re home two hours later than normal, Javi. What was I supposed to do? Not eat? I’m more than capable of fending for myself if you’re not here with pizza.” You could feel pressure in your stomach rising, clenching your fists to try and hold in the last bit of patience you had. 

“That’s not the fucking point. You know I always get pizza for us on Friday, you know I’m bringing you dinner, I can’t help that things have been a shit show at work and I’m still trying to at least do something to take care of you.” 

Take care of you? Nuh, uh. That was the last straw. 

You stood up out of your chair, palms flat on the table as you glared at Javi. “Take care of me? Seriously, Javi? Like I’m some sort of helpless little puppy that can’t fend for themself? I am more than fucking capeable of taking care of myself, and this whole week you have been acting like I am literally incapable of doing anything in this house. Listen, I can tell things have been shitty for you at work, and this week has sucked for me too, but every time I try to go do something nice for you, something to actually help take care of you? You’re already halfway down my goddamn throat, telling me to stop or fix whatever it is I’m doing.” Your heart was racing, blood pumping through your veins so intensely, you could feel your hands begin to shake. 

“Because it’s my fucking job to take care of you!” He growled, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers as you stood with your hands on your hips, laughing at him in the least humorous way possible. 

“Your job? Your fucking job? You don’t think I’m capable of taking care of myself? That’s fucking great. So you can take care of me, but I can’t take care of you? Yeah, that makes sense. Un-fucking-believeable. I don’t know what the fuck has been going on with you this past week, but I can’t do this right now. I’m going on a fucking run.” You stormed to the door, throwing on your shoes as you white knuckled your keys in your grasp. 

“You fucking hate running!” Javi yelled, clenching his jaw before burying his hands in his face. 

“I don’t fucking care!” You grunted back, deliberately slamming the door behind you as you sauntered down the stairs of your apartment to the parking lot. Javi was right, there was no physical activity you hated more than running. You weren’t really sure what your plan was, just that you couldn’t stand there fighting with Javi anymore. You could feel the adrenaline flowing through you, enough to make you pick up your feet and actually begin sprinting down the sidewalk. You just kept running. Running until you could feel your sides begin to hurt, until your eyes began to sting from the tears welling behind them, until your chest felt like it was collapsing in on you, making you stop in the middle of the cement pathway in a full on breakdown. You could barely catch your breath, sobbing, as your hands dropped to your knees, your body trembling with each pathetic whimper. 

What the fuck were you doing? Why was Javi being like this? Why were you being like this? Why won’t he just talk to you? Why can you just not make things right? Why was the one person you loved more than anything in the world the one who was making you feel like you’d been run over by a semi-truck? 

Wiping your tears and snot with your sleeve, you took a deep breath and turned around to head home, determined to get to the bottom of whatever was causing you to both suffer through the worst week ever.

“Javi?” You peeked into the apartment, your voice barely above a whisper. 

“What?” He answered, his voice still sharp, making you wince as you walked over to the couch where he sat. 

“Javi… Javi what’s going on? I can’t do this anymore. If I did something to make you mad, I’m sorry, I just-” 

“Fucking work has just been a shit show, okay?” He snapped, cutting off your sentence. “I’m going to bed, I’m fucking exhausted.” He sighed as he got up, storming his way down the hallway, leaving you there alone on the couch, your bottom lip quivering as the tears began to stream down your face again, leaving you in a silent, sobbing heap on the couch. 

You waited a while before getting into bed with Javi, entering your bedroom in its already dark state to avoid crossing paths while the two of you finished your nighttime routines. You crawled into your comforter, eyes still red and puffy as you lay back to back with Javi, without so much as even a good night, let alone, an “I love you.” 

You could feel yourself stirring, tossing and turning in your sleep as you rolled over, outstretching your arm to an unfamiliarly empty space. You turned over to face Javi, now finding yourself wide awake at the fact that he wasn’t there next to you. Immediately, you shot up, calling out his name as you got out of bed, wondering where the hell he was. As you made your way into the hallway, you whispered his name once more before hearing the sounds of heavy, labored breathing coming from the living room. You rushed in, finding Javi sitting on the floor, his hand grasping at his chest with a look of pure panic on his face. 

“I feel like… Fuck, I feel like I can’t breathe. My heart is beating so fast.” He whimpered between his shaky breathing and sobs. “I just- I just kept seeing it over and over again in my head and I woke up and it still wouldn’t go away. Every when I wake up, it’s like it’s fucking haunting me. I feel like something’s crushing my chest. Baby, what’s happening?” He gasped as he looked up at you, helpless and desperate.  

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no. You knew exactly what was happening. 

Immediately, you climbed into his lap, wrapping yourself around him as tightly as possible, stretching your arms as widely as you could around the broadness of his body. You tried to slow your breathing down, taking long inhales and exhales as you held him. “Just breathe, baby. It’s okay. You’re safe, I promise. I’m here. Deep breaths, okay?” 

“Osita, I can’t- Fuck. Fuck, fuck.” His voice was trembling, each word low and labored as he grasped at the back of his shirt you had draped over your back. 

“I know, baby. I know. I know it’s scary. I promise that you’re safe. I’m here, okay? Just breathe. In and out. I’m not leaving. You’re safe with me, I promise it will be okay.” Even though your heart was shattering, you did everything you could to be the calm in his storm, whispering your reassurances in your soft, sweet voice. Slowly but surely, you could feel the intensity of his breaths lessen, the rising and falling of his chest easing as he grasped tighter at your shirt, pulling you closer to him. 

“It’s okay, Javi. It’s okay. Listen, I’m gonna ask you to do something, alright? It’s gonna sound stupid but it’s gonna help.” You could feel him nod against your chest, his sobs finally beginning to slow. “Can you open your eyes and tell me 5 things you see?” You felt him lift his head, looking up at you, his face wet and red as his deep brown eyes locked with yours.

“Fuck, um, the- the wall, the carpet, the uh, um, the couch, shit, the TV, you. I can see you.” 

“Okay, perfect. What about 4 things you can touch, like feel in your hands?” You smiled gently at him as his breathing was now at a near normal rate. He raised up his arm, wiping his damp face with his palm. 

“My fucking wet face.” The both of you smirked, bringing you relief that Javi was already half laughing. “The carpet, my shirt, that always looks better on you than it does on me. Fuck, I can feel your skin, it’s always so soft. I love feeling it.” He ran one of his hands along the bare skin of your thigh, his fingers grasping at your flesh. 

“You’re doing great, baby. How about 3 things you can hear?” 

“Um, the cars outside, the fan, I could feel your heartbeat when I was on your chest.” He pressed his head back against you, raking your fingers through the ends of his damp curls, sticking to his forehead from his panicked sweat. 

Okay, almost done. What about 2 things you can smell?” You asked, running your fingers along the nape of his neck. 

“Your shirt smells like laundry. No matter how hard I try it just always smells better when you do it. And your shampoo. It always smells so sweet and fruity, it’s my favorite.” He buried his face in the crook of your neck, his hand gently tugging at the ends of your hair, twisting his fingers through it. 

“Okay, last one. Something you can taste.” He lifted his head, looking at you as he slid the hand in your hair to cradle your jaw, cupping your face. 

“You.” He rasped, his lips barely pressing against yours, feeling the hot breaths between your mouths as they met. He pulled back, pausing for a moment before he spoke. “Baby…I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. This week has been all my fault. I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything. It’s been so long since I’ve felt like this and I was scared. I was so fucking scared.” 

“Javi, it’s okay. Please, I just want to be here for you. You know you can tell me anything, okay? I love you, Javi. I love you more than anything. I know it hurts to talk about the things that scare you the most, but it’s even scarier watching the person you love hurt so badly and not knowing what to do to help them. I don’t care what it is, baby. There’s nothing you can tell me that’s gonna scare me away.” The look on his face nearly broke you. You could tell he was so hurt. Hurt by whatever had been haunting him. Hurt by the fact he wasn’t okay. Hurt by the fact that he had hurt you. 

“The project I’ve been working on this week… It all started because of how bad things are getting across the border in Mexico. A mom was out with her kids and they were all shot in a hit and run accident between two people making a drug trade. It was only an hour from here. I watched so many people do so many fucked up things that I thought I would never have to worry about again once I got home. And even if I did, I was going to be the only person I needed to worry about. But I couldn’t stop imagining that mom with her kids was you. You and our future kids. Every night since that fucking case file got set on my desk, I wake up to the same fucking nightmare of me running down the street, trying to grab you, push you, do anything to get you out of the way, but every fucking night I’m never fast enough. All I can do is watch as that bullet goes through you and you fall to the ground. I can’t let it happen to you. What if something goes wrong and I can’t protect you? I couldn’t fucking live with myself. I just want to keep you safe Osita. I’m so sorry. I love you too much to lose you.” 

Fuck. 

It wasn’t long before you were crying with him, squeezing him tightly once again, pressed against the warmth of his bare chest. That’s what had been going on. That’s why he had been so overbearing. That’s why he hadn’t been the Javi that you’d known and loved this week. On the night he’d told you the worst of the things he had seen and done away in Colombia, you had seen how his eyes had filled with regret, remorse, even anger. But this was different. Never once in the time that you’d known him had you seen Javi so scared. The look in his eyes when you found him sitting on the floor was one of pure terror. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like, waking up night after night to the image of Javi slipping away, let alone coming to grips with the reality that you couldn’t even fathom, and he knew far too well. Javi knew you had no problem sticking up for yourself. You were strong, tough, and fiercely independent- those were all things he loved so much about you. But those things weren’t enough to protect you from the dangers that haunted his past, or the terrifying reality of the present. 

Through the silent cries of your sobs, you felt Javi’s hand under your chin, lifting your head to force your eyes to meet. “Osita, I’m so sorry. Pease, please forgive me. I’ve been so lost in my own world this week because I’ve been so scared about what could happen to you. I had my head so far up my own ass that I thought I was doing everything I could to try and keep you safe in any way that I could, and instead I’ve just been a fucking dick to the person I care about more than anything in the world. I don’t wanna fight anymore, I fucking hate it. I’m so fucking sorry.” 

You draped your arms around his neck, your fingers tracing small, gentle circles along his back as you stared back at him. “I didn’t know, Javi. I didn’t know you were so scared. I’m so sorry. I don’t wanna fight anymore either. This has been the shittiest week. I missed you. I missed my best friend.” He pressed his hand against the back of your head, cradling it in his palm as he hugged you tightly. “You just have to promise me something, okay?” 

“Anything. Anything, baby.” 

“You have to promise me that you can’t keep all of this in. You have to promise me you’ll talk to someone about it. Me, your dad, people at work, Steve, a therapist, someone. There are so many people who care so much about you who just wanna help. You’re the strongest person I know, Javi, but it’s okay to not be strong sometimes.” He let out a long, shaky breath, darting his eyes down at the ground, the Adam's apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed. “You promise me?” You asked again, grabbing his face in your hands, swiping your thumb along his wet cheeks. 

“I promise.” 

In that moment, it was like the two of you could feel something in the air change. The tension lifting, the frustrated fog fading, the both of you desperately needing the other to know how sorry you were for the way you had acted. You found yourself face to face, eyes closing as your mouths came together in the most gentle, tender kiss. But even as your parted lips barely pressed against one another, you could practically feel how desperate you both were. 

“I love you.” 

Even though you whispered it against the soft, unshaven stubble of Javi’s cheek, it feels like you’re screaming it, determined to make sure he hears those 3 words as they fall from your lips, that he knows how much you mean each one, every second of every hour of every day. You can feel the heat in your chest as his hands grasp around the small of your back, pulling you closer as your bodies melt together, the tension straining in your muscles dissipating with each second he pulls you closer. 

“I love you too.” 

It felt like suddenly, all was right with the world again. The Javi you knew and loved had come back, returning home to you. All of the fear and sadness was replaced by a rampant desperation to know how much you needed him, almost as much as he needed to show you how desperately he craved you, too. The tingle built at the base of your spine as his fingers toyed with the hem of your shirt, his hand creeping further up your belly, pressing against the curves of your sides. You raised your arms as his fists balled up the worn fabric, carefully lifting it over your head as his hot breath ran against your neck, leaving gentle, tender kisses along your newly exposed skin. Your hands pressed against his hips, tugging at the waistband of his cotton sleep shorts as he locked his arms under your legs, bringing you both to stand as you wrapped your legs around the small of his back, the skin of your bare chests brushing against each other as he carried you toward the bedroom. Each kiss of your parted lips was like a plea, begging that the other would forgive you, that despite the way you had treated each other there was no one in the world that you loved more, that you would rather be with right here, right now. 

Crossing the threshold to the bedroom, Javi leaned his body over the mattress, carefully placing you down in the warm, tangled sheets of your bed that had felt so cold and harsh only a few hours ago. You looked up at Javi standing at the end of the bed as he nudged his shorts off of his hips, leaving him exposed, the clothes now pooling around his ankles. Crawling over you, he hooked his fingers around the waistband of your underwear, the only thing left on your body after your shirt had been left behind in the living room. You lifted your hips, helping him shuffle the fabric down your legs as he ran his hands along the meat of your thighs. He leaned over you, the temples of your foreheads pressed against each other as his fingers danced along the skin of your bare legs, barely grazing against your entrance. You could already feel the slick of your arousal pooling under his touch, the calloused pads of his fingers ever so gently tracing up and down your folds, making you shutter. 

“Javi... Please.” Your voice trembled as Javi nodded, burying his face in the crook of your neck. You gasped as you felt the thickness of his fingers heedfully pushing themselves inside you, arching your back against the bed as his thumb delicately pressed on your clit. Each thrust of his hand in and out of your heat was dragging and deliberate, the rubbing of his fingertip along your sensitive bundle of nerves making your moans muffled against his chest. Every touch of his hand made you feel better than the last, but there was something primal about the way that you needed him inside you, how you ached to feel him buried deep in heat, to feel every inch of him. “I need you. Please, I need you.” You whimpered against his skin, making him lift his head to look at you as you watched the chocolate brown of his eyes grow darker with lust. He worked in silence, removing his fingers as he stroked himself, making your cunt throb in anticipation as you felt the tip of his cock stroke along your entrance, a moan escaping from your parted lips as he guided himself inside you. 

“Fuck…” He whispered, pushing himself in further, inch by inch, before bottoming out, his tip bumping against your cervix. You wrapped your legs around his back, doing anything you could to bring him closer to you, trying to melt your bodies into one and hold him so tightly you could never let him float away again. You dug your nails into his muscular back as he began to thrust in and out of you, taking his time with each stroke, as if he was savoring every sweet moment. “I love you, Osita. I love you so much, baby. Gonna make you feel good, okay? I promise.” It was like you could feel his words with each stroke, the promise that had fallen from his lips burying itself deep inside you with every rock of his hips against yours. Your bedroom was filled with the sounds of your mixed moans and skin hitting against each other. Even when no words escaped from your mouths, it was almost as if you could hear each other through the sounds between the two of you, coating your walls. 

I love you. 

I need you. 

I’m so sorry. 

His palm pressed along the sheen of your skin, snaking down your body to rub against your clit, intensifying the throbbing that you already felt growing between your legs. With each thrust of his hips, his cock pounded deeper into your heat, hitting the spot within you that had the arousal beginning to pool intensely within your belly, that creeping familiar feeling building at the base of your spine. You dug your nails deeper into Javi’s skin, grasping for the damp curls at the nape of his neck, your whimpers growing louder and more desperate with each stroke as you could feel yourself beginning to crumble beneath him. 

“Javi, pleaseee. Bab-ahhhhh, I’m so close.” You felt your cunt begin to clench around his length, making him moan as each push and pull of hips became more intense, punching against your g-spot and making your writhe under his touch.

“I know you are, Hermosa. Cum for me baby, cum all over me and show me how you’re mine.” 

His words make something inside you snap, making you shake and your body tense as your arms and legs tightened their grip around Javi, crying out his name as your orgasm rushed through you. His lips met yours, swallowing your moans as his pumps became frantic and sloppy, only taking a few more before he was chasing his own high. “Fuck, baby. You’re so fucking perfect. Te amo más que a nada. Soy tyuo para siempre. (I love you more than anything, I’m yours, forever.). Fuck, I’m gonna- shit- I’m- ahhhhhhh” With one last push, you could feel him throbbing inside you, spilling against your walls, pumping every last drop of himself inside you as he slumped into your body, your hearts racing, chests rising and falling as one. The two of you laid there for a moment, your bodies tangled in each other, letting each of your breaths sync as you came down from your blissed out highs. Javi hissed as he turned over to pull out of you, making you whine at the loss, before rolling over to lay your head on his chest. You could feel his arm wrap around you to pull you in closer, his fingers tracing along your shoulder blade as you draped your arm across his stomach. 

“I guess that’s one way to make up for this shitty week.” You giggled as Javi shook his head, joining you, the both of you glad to hear the sweet sounds of each other's laughter for the first time in much too long. “Can we never do this again? I never wanna fight like that ever again. These last few days have sucked without you.” 

“Never. This was the fucking worst. Never again. I promise.” He kissed the top of your head, burying his nose in your messy curls as he held you just a little bit tighter. 

“Okay.” You smiled against his warm, tanned skin before looking up at him. “You wanna know the worst part?” 

“What, baby?” 

“I didn’t even get to eat any of that pizza.” Javi chuckled as he shook you playfully in his grasp, making you squirm and snicker as he held you. 

“There’s still some left in the fridge. Let me go get it and you can tell me all about your week, okay?” He kissed your forehead as he pushed himself out of bed, making his way to the door. 

“Okay. We’ve got a lot to catch up on, I didn’t even get to tell you how I had to call Mark’s mom in the middle of math because he stuck a crayon up his nose yesterday.” The both of you snorted as Javi looked back at you. 

“I can’t wait to hear all about it.” 

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed

[starkspondwater]

Party Game Kisses- Kyle Broflovski x Insecure!Shy!Reader

Reader goes to her first high school party, ending up in a closet with one Kyle Broflovski

Spanish translation by @glitterycollectivestudent here on wattpad

Part 2 x , Part 3 x, Part 4 x

a/n: I manic wrote this and two other parts while at work so I'm sorry if it's complete garbage- it's my first time posting fanfic on tumblr.

SFW-all characters are aged up!

“I’m sorry,” you said sheepishly in the dim light of the closet. Excitement that had once coursed through your veins with attending your first highschool party quickly turned to anxiety the longer you stood in the small cramped room. It was a dream come true to have the bottle land on one Kyle Broflovski, but reality brought with it insecurities and second thoughts. Jesus, why did you decide to come here?

“What? Why?” Kyle’s head whipped down at you, eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“I know I’m not exactly who you would’ve hoped to be spending time with here,” and that had to be the truth. You hadn’t had the confidence to actually interact with him before tonight. 

Kyle opened his mouth to respond but then quickly closed it, feeling horrible that in a way you were right. Just like the other guys at the party, he had found himself eyeing up the cheerleaders all night, short skirts tantalizing to their sights. It didn’t matter that he knew he had zero chance with any of them. Ever since grade school he had been aware that out of all of his friends, he was the least desirable. However, that did not mean he couldn’t look or participate in high school party games like this one.

He was, however, surprised to see you here. Kyle knew who you were of course, this was a small town. He had seen you around school often and even shared a few classes with you. You were quiet, and seemed to make yourself small, almost invisible, in any room you occupied. At the sound of your voice, Kyle realized he had just been standing there in silence looking at you.

“It’s alright,” you spoke again, the sounds of the party still heard beyond the closed door. “I, um, I don’t expect you to do anything. With me. In here.” you mentally smacked yourself with every word.As you continued your mental assault on yourself, Kyle peered down at you, eyes properly taking in your form for the first time since the whole game started. 

You were not a cheerleader like the ones he and his friends had been sneakily glancing at all evening, but you most definitely were not unpleasant to look at. At school it wasn’t uncommon to see you completely covered, especially with the chilly weather that often took over South Park. Tonight though, you wore a dress, not as short as some of the other girls, but short enough that it showed off much more leg than you were used to. He noticed the way you subtly tried to pull at the edges.

You were bigger than some of the other ladies of South Park High School, but it wouldn’t be true to say that made you “unattractive” in his eyes. You had quite the figure, with wide hips that swung as you walked and a substantial bust not even large sweaters could hide (Hell, Kenny had even made a comment or two when passing by in the hall) But the one thing he really noticed was that despite how quiet you were, you had a nice little smile, one that was warm and given freely when you actually did talk to people. He found you pretty, but felt weird that even after years at school he had not taken the time to actually get to know you before now. At the moment though, Kyle felt like a dunce since you were obviously fidgeting at his lack of responses.

“You look really nice tonight, (Y/N),” he found the words clumsily leaving his mouth, feeling stupid immediately as he tried to fill the empty space. The light chime of your giggle reached his ears, which based on the heat he felt on his face must’ve been some varying shade of pink.

“I appreciate the compliment, but you really don’t have to,” you smiled softly up at the redhead before continuing. “I’m very aware of who I am and what I look like, just like I am of you, and just like I am of those other girls out there.” Kyle furrowed his brow.

“What do you mean by that?” Your cheeks flushed as you realized how that may have sounded. 

“I just know that I’m not exactly a catch in this game. I mean, you’re on the basketball team, incredibly smart, good looking, and at least from what I’ve seen, popular.” You avoided eye contact through all of this, heat rushing into your face with every statement you made. “You can’t tell me you didn’t notice some of the girls getting excited when you sat down to play?” 

He didn’t. He honestly didn’t think any of those girls gave a rat’s ass about some ginger jewish kid with, admittedly, anger issues and a short fuse. Yet, here was this very pretty girl listing his attributes like she was writing his tinder profile.

Thinking back on it, he noticed you had seemed aware of him before despite the fact he had not spared much attention to you. He had caught you at times looking at him in class, eyes meeting briefly before turning away from him. Looking back through memories, he can see that his previous explanation that you were just nosing in on drama with Cartman or whatever he and his friends were laughing at might’ve had a different meaning. Even now, he can see the widening of your eyes, surprised at being caught, and the blush dusting your cheeks as you glanced away, trying to seem casual. Something about all of that hit something in his core, and he found himself actually very glad to be in this little closet with you.

“Were you excited?” The question bubbled forth before he could properly figure out what he wanted to say or do. All he could think about at this moment was how close you were to him and how your plush lips were now forming an “o” of surprise at his question. You tried to quickly answer, sputtering for a moment. Kyle, to his own surprise, found it incredibly cute. “Did you want to do anything in here?” Your face snapped up, meeting his gaze and taking in wide green eyes and a slowly growing smile. 

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to…There are other girls…” you trailed off, not knowing what direction to take here. You wanted to kiss him but you also didn’t want him to feel pressured at all just because he was unlucky enough to have your bottle land on him. Kyle paused, before running a hand roughly through his ginger curls.

“And if I want to?”

“What-” You were cut off with lips upon your own, long arms snaking around your waist as you were backed into the wall. Being quite a bit shorter than Kyle, you found yourself straining on your tip toes and keeping a firm hold onto his shoulders. It was electric and warm, a feeling your body was not well acquainted with as your nerves began to heat up. Slightly chapped lips moved against yours and you could not help the small moan that emitted from the back of your throat.

Abruptly you pulled back, both horrified and embarrassed at the sound. Glancing up at the young man in front of you, his arms still tucked to your sides, you were a bit shocked to see a look of disappointment.

“Was it that bad?” his voice was small, and for a small moment you saw a flash of self doubt in his eyes.

“Not at all!” you said quickly, urgency painting your voice. “I just…I really enjoyed it.” You felt like screaming at admitting that but just as fast as your internal panic began it was silenced. Kyle’s lips met your own once again, though this time instead of pressing you to the wall, he broke the kiss. With quick movement he smoothed out your hair and your dress, stepping back and giving you a large boyish grin. Before you could say another word more, the closet door opened, signalling that your time there had ended. 

Once back out into the world, you turned to talk to Kyle, who unfortunately had already been whisked away by his friends. However, before he was just out of sight, you caught his eye. He gave you a quick wink before the burly hand of Eric Cartman roughly grabbed his shirt and dragged him off into the next room.

Checking your phone, you figure it’s about time to head home, all the way thinking that maybe deciding to go to that party was a good thing after all.

[garez19]

let’s talk about a yandere childhood friend and his ill-spirited darling who doesn’t mind using his affection.

tw: bullying

your childhood friend of years cherished you from the bottom of his heart, which was obvious to anyone who looked at your way. and it was not like it was hard to understand why —at least what he told himself. you taught him pretty much everything. growing up with you, he had always been so used to your presence, and it wasn’t in an unhealthy way, he supposed, it was just how best friends were supposed to be like.

and you liked it. although there were times you found him extremely annoying and just felt like telling him to fuck off, you knew he didn’t mean ill. he was there to help. never did he do anything that benefited him more than it benefited you.

so you eventually started to slack off. it started with pure laziness that was led by his strong desire to provide comfort. you’d stopped bringing lunches because he never failed to show up with two packs of if. it tasted amazing, you told him most of the time.

you didn’t lose sleep over projects or exams anymore, as he was always there to get you through them. you didn’t have to stress about anything regarding school as long as you were classmates.

and then it hit you. the comfort made your vision blurry. you weren’t doing anything beneficial for yourself, and instead you were just ordering him around. there were even times you forgot to reply when someone asked you something because he was there to do it. hell, he was there to do anything for you.

so you then took it to the next level. you still didn’t need to pack lunches, and you wanted to get higher education. so he tutored you almost like a professional—for absolutely free.

he was totally okay with anything you said, and you never realized that was not how regular friendship dynamics were like. not until you’d witnessed human connections. they were okay, sure, but they weren’t as obedient as him. they weren’t just going to apologize with a dull expression whenever you told them to shut up, and they weren’t going to act like saints when you’d been nothing but rude to them.

but at least he was still by your side. at least you still had someone to complain to, you told yourself.

and when you grumbled about how your friends were being horrible to you -they weren’t- you didn’t expect him to do anything about it this time. after all, there were limited things he could do about your relationships with people.

limited, but not zero.

you were shocked to see your friends coming up to you to make amends. some of them caught you in the hallway, some sat right next to you in the class. all of them had an expression that somehow revealed they weren’t 100% willing about the whole situation, and you were quick to realize the reason.

you didn’t ask him. and you knew he wouldn’t have confirmed it anyway.

you didn’t really need anyone anyway, that was when you’d decided. and your so-called friends didn’t deserve you as they failed to realize you’d been nothing but docile and understanding. you didn’t need anyone. you would never.

and you weren’t going to be as forgiving once people did you dirty anymore.

so when you came running to him crying, you knew he was going to be furious. there was no doubt he would take care of it—quickly and quietly, with threats or bribes, or maybe even more than that.

you told him how this girl from your art class kept bullying you, how she called you names and how you didn’t know what you’d done to deserve such treatment. he hushed you calmly as he repeated you’d never deserve that. you’d never deserve anything but the very best because oh, you were the sweetest girl he’d ever met. such a kind soul you had.

you smiled at him. he smiled back.

***

“don’t call me a bitch ever again, you hear me?” you told her.

“I apologize.” she answered on her knees—eyes on the ground.

“and don’t wear these shorts again, they don’t suit you at all.” you huffed.

she slowly nodded as you left the classroom, messaging about him about lunch as you walked.

[spadesolace]

stay a little longer - yeji x reader

synopsis: if there is one thing that you wish to never lose, it's your best friend of who knows how long. but when things take a different turn, one that involves closing a chapter that never happened - are you ready to face reality as it is?

words: 4.6k

here you were, standing by the front door as you hugged yeji, ready to call it a night and head back home. sometime in the party, you had sneakily left a letter for her, somewhere in the pile of gifts she had received but not right at her face.

a quick wave goodbye as you walk out of her apartment, glancing back for a second before you go on your excruciating way back to your place.

yeji has become a constant in your life. you’ve known her since freshman year of high school - it felt longer as you grew closer through the years. now, free from high school and finally working in your respective fields of work, you can’t help but think back to those moments of when you were young (still are).

it was such a different time, learning how to handle emotions, balancing extracurricular with homeworks, finding time to socialize outside of class hours, and experiencing so many firsts. how you managed those activities post-high school makes you wonder to this day.

you and yeji clicked when you were in the same class, only having a chance to talk when you got grouped for a final project for the semester. she caught your attention even prior to talking to her, you admit that she’s pretty but that was it. girls appreciating girls.

yeji caught the attention of many, the majority being boys confessing their undying love for her. all of which she declined or at least gave it a shot - it was a total bust, somehow yeji had decided if they don’t seem to vibe well with you, that was it.

boys would start treating you nicely, in hopes you’d put a good word to yeji - again, a total bust. none of them would pass, it was questionable because some of them were actually nice, gentlemanly, and had utmost respect for women. so, why? why do you speak of them badly if they weren’t so bad?

it didn’t click that easily, you’re denser than a rock and your other friends would point that out. they didn’t help you out, never tried to guide you into realizing what it was that you’re feeling. there’s anger, sadness, and irritation, but you could never directly admit it even if that thought crossed your mind way too many times.

sitting by the bench as you watch another possible suitor of yeji make their way to the girl - you could only watch with ryujin right next to you. according to her, it was similar to watching a ticking time bomb go off, as if once it reaches zero - would you realize your own feelings or would you simply sit there and wonder why.

“fuck.” ryujin watched as you ran your fingers through your hair, leaving it disheveled, contrasting your usual neat uniform. in the corner of her eye, she could see your foot tapping, fist closed with the thumb to your lips as you watched the interaction - everything screams that you were agitated.

“what’s got you fidgeting?” your head snapped at ryujin, why were you fidgeting? what made you suddenly feel like this?

“i… don’t know…” you weren’t completely lying, a part of you knew but clearly was in denial of feeling any sort of emotion that would be heavily associated with the big L-word or romantic feelings at all.

“why do guys always roam around her? like there are plenty of girls at campus but why her?” there it was, you were slowly ticking off - almost close to exploding. ryujin was now counting the second till you finally go off and it seemed to be her lucky day.

“like i get it, she's pretty, smart, talented, and really shines on her own but doesn’t overshadow others whenever she’s with a group. can’t they find someone el-“ you could hear ryujin cackling next to you, taking a close look at the girl laughing, you furrowed your eyebrows. why is she laughing in the middle of your rant?

“what?”

“nothing.” ryujin wiped away the tears in her eyes, reeling herself back to reality as she looked at you. “seems like someone is jealous.”

you scoffed, looking away with your head held up high as you denied it. “pssh, me? jealous? as if.”

one thing you will never admit is your own feelings, you could quickly read anyone one’s emotions through context clues but when it came to your own - oblivious. ryujin had to point it out, spell it even, that you were slowly but surely liking yeji more than as a best friend.

it was ridiculous at first, you liking yeji? listing down everything you’ve done for the girl that according to ryujin was much more than a friendly gesture; somehow it all screamed that you do have a thing for the girl not far from you.

“almost everyone could see that you’re head over heels for yeji.” ryujin nudged you once more, trying to get your head out of your ass as everything seemed to make a lot more sense. “no one in their right mind would buy their friend boba tea on a random saturday because she said she wanted one.”

“well, jeez, sorry if my love language is acts of service.” could you really blame it on your love language that you’d go far and beyond for this one girl which you know would probably not feel the same. you sat there with ryujin; a sly smile on her lips as if she had managed to let you admit it indirectly.

“so you like her?”

“shut up.” you can’t deny it anymore, as complicated feelings are, something about hwang yeji makes you feel different that no other person has. maybe it's the hormones but you never really know, there’s this unexplainable feeling in your guts that makes you want to puke. it makes you sick in your stomach yet it feels right.

any sane person would think you have a stomach bug, get yourself checked out and see if it’s true. after reading romance novels, you’re well aware that whatever your feeling is infatuation - nothing more. the sick feeling in your stomach, sweaty hands, and your heart beating faster than you could comprehend. you like her.

it’s annoying now that ryujin has managed to make you admit it when you’ve been in denial for who knows how long. there’s this girl that’s been on your mind from when you wake up until you fall asleep, like an advertisement you can’t skip and slowly you’ve been persuaded to actually try the item out - as if it’s not that bad.

it was bad, mental torture to watch yeji go through suitor after suitor as if they were disposables - then again, yeji never tells you anything until its done. you sat there with your book waiting for time to pass as you didn’t want to head home right away.

“hey.” the only reason why you didn’t want to head home right away; yeji stood in front of you with her brows furrowed, running her hand through her hair as she sat next to you. no invitation needed because this is becoming a habit.

after every dismissal, you’d sit somewhere around campus with a book, a spy if you will. yeji has always asked you to stay behind and keep an eye out in case the boys she thinks of giving a chance turns out to be no for good. you’ve grown accustomed to the arrangement of acting like a spy and it was no surprise as yeji sat in front of you clearly pissed.

“another fail?”

“i really thought he was a nice boy, a month in and suddenly i see him flirting with some girl a year above us.” you cringed at the imagery, not wanting to take part in knowing more about yeji’s romantic life as if it isn’t stabbing you in the heart with a knife and slowly feel it being twisted.

“so what’s your plan then?” you know asking isn’t exactly the smartest but before anything else you’re yeji’s friend. yeji could go on and on for hours about planning her revenge but it’s the first time she was quiet - nothing to say about the boy as the words she muttered were much worse than the knife in your heart.

“am i unlovable?” for someone at the age of 15, that is not something you should be asking but hormones are insanely high that you really can’t do much as you shut your book, sitting next to the girl. awkwardly wrapping your arms around her as your fingers threaded through her hair. the silence was deafening when your mind was buzzing with things you wished to utter out yet you bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from saying anything romantic.

“no,” was it worth the risk to tell the girl how she’s the very reason you’re feeling such things when she couldn’t even feel it? “saying you’re unlovable is equivalent to saying it’s impossible to love you…”

what is a 15 year old thinking of saying such things? you’re definitely not one to know what love actually feels like but you could only describe the feeling of being with yeji. as limited as possible.

“i don’t think you’re unlovable.” yeji scoffed, completely in disbelief by what’s coming out of your mouth.

“how can you be so sure of that?”

“cause… i feel it. i don’t know what love actually is but i know that it’s possible to love you.” yeji pulled away from your embrace, holding onto your shoulders as her gaze focused on your eyes as if to find any hints of deceit or uncertainty - only to see sincerity. you’ve always been honest with her, that’s why she comes to you whenever she needs advice or a talk to bring her back to reality when she’s overwhelmed.

that very bench changed the way yeji looked at you, it wasn’t as if you’re just friends but you couldn’t decipher what it is - was it a good change? you’re not too sure because you barely heard from yeji talk about boys. when she does talk about her love problems, it had been settled or she’s stumped because unbeknownst to you - her standards have gotten higher once she’s realized how much you’ve done for her. a part of it is possibly because of your feelings for the girl but regardless, you treat your friends the same way - if anyone were to love the people you care about, why not raise their standards by doing things that are beyond the bare minimum.

as years went by, you’ve gotten closer with yeji - a few encounters with her suitors here and there, to which one of them seemed perfect for her back in your senior year of high school. soobin.

you’ve grown to notice the closeness of the two but never really spoke up about it as yeji usually reaches out and talks about it. although this was one of those instances where you and yeji had gotten in a bit of a misunderstanding - all thanks to your jealousy. the amount of people that knew of your feelings for yeji slowly grew, still the girl hasn’t picked up on the subtle hints from your friends or how obvious it is that you are head over heels for the girl.

“you should talk to her.” ryujin has always been the middle man, she’s seen your fight with yeji slowly escalate out of jealousy, one to always pull away when you’re hit by it.

“i know… but you really think she’s gonna buy the whole ‘i wasn’t thinking straight’.”

“first of all, you’re not straight.” you greeted ryujin with your middle finger right to her face with a smug smile. as she placed your hand down, sighing as she observed how your gaze never left yeji as she sat by the benches next to soobin.

“lastly, you should just tell her how you feel.” this conversation has always happened once every month, or after every fight with yeji. you shook your head leaning onto the wall as if to give yourself some additional space from the words that came out of ryujin’s mouth.

“we’ve talked about this.”

“yeah, so stop being a wuss and tell her. what’s stopping you?”

various things, you could list them all but for the sake of not being smacked in the head by ryujin, you bit your tongue. feelings have and will be complicated, one of which is when the girl that you like has never shown any signs of interest towards the same gender for years. you didn’t wanna assume or speculate if yeji swung that way so you kept those feelings to yourself even if she asks about your crush and you respond with the same - ‘nope, don’t have one’.

“a lot.” 

ryujin is used to your vague answers but this one, she understood where you were coming from. once she didn’t answer, that's where you started to spill your guts, like your vomiting words with each passing second and it seems like you have no plans on stopping. your friend sat there, listening to every concern you have for the past three years that you’ve been harboring your feelings for hwang yeji. it’s not an easy task and she wonders how you manage to keep it all together when you see yeji with a guy that seems perfect for her every single weekday - does it not break your heart just to sit there and watch.

“when do i let go…” tears were now flowing down to your cheeks as you kept your gaze on yeji who was far from you. the girl you’d call your first love is with a guy you barely know. ryujin had been watching you for a bit, pulling you in an embrace as you freely let the tears stream down your face, your mind hazy as you accidentally made eye contact with yeji.

immediately pulling away as you wiped your tears away with the back of your hand, picking your backpack up as you noticed yeji approaching your way. a quick sign of gratitude to ryujin as you waved goodbye and sprinted out of campus. hwang yeji was so confused; why were you crying, why did you run away from her once again, what did she do to cause this drift between you two that neither one would dare lower their pride.

——————

it wasn’t like yeji didn’t know of your feelings - she merely played dumb in hopes that you’d admit it to her face. as years went by, she slowly forgot about it, assuming that maybe you never liked her that way but seeing you cry was like a punch to the gut that maybe just maybe… she was right.

yeji was the one to reach out, hoping that things would be settled between you two once and for all as she stood in front of the front door of your house. a soft single press of the doorbell with faint shouting of ‘y/n open the door’, she didn’t expect that you’d be standing in front of her as if hesitating to shut the door on her face.

“hi… can we talk?” you knew well enough that yeji would lower her pride but not fully only to let you in, to see how low you would bring your pride down. it’s yeji - once she explains her side, it’s game over for you.

“come in, just head over to my room… do you want something to drink..?”

“i won’t be long.” that felt like a punch in the gut as if yeji didn’t want to be with you for more than five minutes. you nodded, letting her greet your mom and make small talk as you both made your way to your room.

yeji has been in your room, she remembers where your table is, how your wall looked so plain near the bed but completely covered by pictures and posters by your study table. was she really going to confront you like this? on the spot when she just saw you bawl your eyes out at school with ryujin.

“i-” “uh-”

“you first.” you always let yeji break the silence first, letting speak her mind as you sat there with your head hung low as you listened to her about why you had a disagreement in the beginning. it was straight to the point, no filters, no sugarcoating, yeji has always been like that when it came to your fights.

“kinda felt like you were stopping me from giving soobin a chance…” it wasn’t entirely wrong but honestly you felt your jealousy take over back then and maybe for once you didn’t want that to happen again. the possibility of losing yeji was greater than ever before as you swallowed your pride and looked at anything and everywhere but her.

“i’m sorry… i honestly don’t know what came over me that day, i wish i knew why,” you’re perfectly aware that you were envious of soobin having yeji’s attention almost every single day. “maybe it was a bad day or something happened that made me snap and honestly i know it’s not the most forgiving nor acceptable reason - but i’m really sorry and i understand if you don’t forgive me.”

one thing that you never knew nor understood was that yeji - in the midst of the chaos that is your teenage years. she knew you like the back of your hand to see how genuine you are but the hidden uncertainty in your eyes didn’t go unnoticed. she wasn’t going to press more questions or for you to defend yourself because yeji knew within herself that you meant no harm at all.

——————

even after things were settled between you and yeji back then, leading to her spilling everything about soobin. it took you a while, even after high school you would check with your emotions and try not to lash out on yeji; you were in no right to feel jealous. years of bottled up feelings and it all leads to you being a wuss and never admitting anything.

still, as the years went by, you weren’t as scared of seeing yeji with someone who seemed to be such a nice guy, a perfect fit for her. maybe that’s why you never brought up your feelings when all that really mattered was yeji’s happiness.

somewhere along the years, yeji knew of your feelings - she wasn’t oblivious but she never acknowledged it, not until you would say something. either way, when things had ended between her and soobin, all she could think of was how you treated her better even as a friend compared to her own ex-boyfriend. when you had sent her a message asking to meet up or hangout as it had been months, it felt as if she was being hoisted up the water - not realizing she had been drowning in her own thoughts and ideas.

“i ended things with soobin.” yeji watched as you almost spat out your coffee, handing you a piece of napkin as you wiped the dribble on your lips.

“what?”

“yeah… turns out when you’re both busy and neither of you want to lower your pride well… it got messy.” this changes everything; as your feelings that were once dormant are making its way back as you desperately push it back down in hopes that it wouldn’t see the light of day again.

“god… i’m so sorry about that.” there was hesitation as you patted yeji on the shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze as you nodded, avoiding her gaze as you took another sip of your coffee. “how are you feeling though?”

“surprisingly… fine. i mean we ended things a month ago and well, i never really talked about it with anyone and just isolated myself. this is actually the first time i’ve talked about it.” as yeji’s words processed in your mind, it all made sense as to why ryujin had asked you for any updates on the girl in front of you. having only realized that you two barely talked the past month - you felt a bit guilty for not picking up the sudden quietness from yeji after years of knowing each other that all you could muster to say was an apology.

yeji wondered as to why you apologized but maybe it was because of what happened. still she didn’t read too much into it. it had been months since she had last seen you - somehow college has been treating you nicely compared to her. your baby fat is no longer evident on your face and you’ve definitely taken better care of yourself - still you’re the same girl that yeji knew back in high school.

the rest of the day was spent with a cup of coffee and dinner right after. yeji was indeed surprised when you learned how to get to her university but how you learned somehow left a bit of a bitter taste in her mouth.

“yeah, i used to date someone who went here but didn’t last long, like a few months only..? it’s been a while honestly.” there was something different about the way yeji held onto your arm, a soft smile on your lips as you reassured her that you’ve cut ties with them long ago - seeing that they really weren’t worth the time unlike her.

“well… i should probably head back, i’ll see you maybe sometime next week around the same time?” and there it was, the very same smile yeji had back when you first met her, you felt your heart skip a beat as yeji agreed to it - not without kissing you on the cheek as she said goodbye.

you stood there dumbfounded with your hand to your cheek as you waved goodbye to yeji, more so a see you later as you slowly walked back to the bus stop with your hand still pressed onto your cheek. it didn’t take long until you called ryujin who you were well aware was very much awake despite the late hour. everything that had happened except for the fact that yeji and soobin ended things as that was yeji’s story to tell.

“uh… we talked a bit… had coffee and then continued with dinner-”

“sounds like a date.” ryujin knew how to press your buttons and this time she did it right as you stood there waiting for your bus as you snickered.

“shut up - anywho, i walked her back to her dorms and i sorta asked her out…”

“SHUT UP?!” based on how ryujin screamed in your ear on call, you really… really… didn’t want to get your hopes up as you could hear ryujin’s muffled screams in her dorm room.

“you done?”

“hold on-” there was another series of cheers and screams on the other line, making you laugh at your best friend’s antics. “ok, i’m done.”

“you should have waited for me to say the next part but she said yes - and before you scream - she kissed me on the cheek and now i feel like i’m back to being 15 and confused.” there was silence, ryujin was too stunned to even speak as she had her mouth open as she processed what you just said - questions arose as you tried to explain the situation as best as you can but you were as confused as ryujin. you can’t disclose the fact that yeji and soobin broke up, let alone how messy the situation was until yeji told ryujin herself.

slowly it became the norm, every other week you and yeji would meet up, either near her university or yours, somewhere neither of the two have been to. even yeji’s physical affection was getting bolder every time you saw each other. from hand holding to sudden cheek kisses, it was all sudden that those dormant feelings you had for yeji were slowly coming back.

——————

for yeji, seeing you was like a breath of fresh air, you were definitely still the same but matured and had grown a bit in a good way. she didn’t know what came over her when she had kissed you on the cheek that night, nor the following times she had held your hand or hugged you longer than it should. there was one thing she was certain of - she didn’t regret any of it. somehow it felt natural to do such things with you that she hoped and prayed you’d stay longer whenever you’d visit her.

yeji was falling for you before you could even notice it.

ryujin was now well aware of the break up as one meet up, she had joined you two and it felt as if you were back to being a teen in your high school with your two close friends. a first hand experience as yeji leaned onto you as you both respectively worked on your respective assignments and readings. it was surprising to see you so calm with yeji being physically affectionate with you after that hangout; ryujin just couldn’t help but ask.

“so are you finally going to confess.” you bit your lip as you shook your head, feeling ryujin hit you on the shoulder as she was ready to knock some sense into you.

“i’m not going to confess right away… i mean come on, she just got out in a two… three..? year relationship. give yeji a bit of time, i don’t know.” ryujin could only sigh, she knew well enough that you wouldn’t just simply put yourself out there when yeji’s comfort and needs has always been your priority. she never asked again, knowing deep inside you’ll confess on your own time.

who would have thought that time came when you’ve finally graduated from college, having stable jobs at the age of 25. when you had brought up that you were going to confess to yeji through a letter, you left out the part where you were ready to accept reality as it is if yeji rejects you.

you spent days on the letter, trying to convey your feelings of ten years that it feels surreal to actually write it all down and let her read it. before leaving yeji’s place after celebrating and cleaning up, discreetly leaving the letter on the table as you waved goodbye and headed on home.

sure, it’s cliche to sit there and write a letter about how you’ve long before liked her, let alone love her but the story doesn’t end there. even if you tried dating others, a part of you is looking for her in the crowd - it’s yeji, she’s your dream girl. but not every dream is easily attainable.

ten years of unsaid feelings with mixed signals in between and you’re finally letting it out as if it were nothing. it wasn’t that you took advantage of the friendship but you simply were ready to leave that chapter behind and accept the friendship yeji was willing to give you. not too long from your walk home - you could hear footsteps behind you, it was fast and getting louder with each step you took.

someone had crashed into you, arms around your waist holding onto you tightly as if you’d be gone if she lets go. you noticed the envelope in her hand as she pulled you closer, her body pressed onto you.

“you idiot.” that was the first thing she said as you turned around, tucking the loose strand of her hair behind her ear as she finally looked at you. hitting you on your chest as if you had done her wrong, you probably did with her tear stained cheeks as you wiped them using your thumb, until you held her by the cheek..

“i know.” yeji could only laugh as she once again hit you on the chest.

“you’re so stupid! if you had just confessed earlier!”“i’m a wu-” as if time had stopped once again, like you’re being thrown back to being 15 with how you merely stood there with yeji’s lips placed on top of yours. it took you seconds to process what was happening as you finally… gave in and kissed her back.

the letter.

[vnamps]

THE GRADE AID. 001

next. |

overall summary: lee min-ho, your absolute academic rival, an absolute menace needs help to raise his grade before the semester ends, and who better to ask for help than you, the grade aid.

overall contents: minho is cocky, a bunch of teasing, angst, fights, mentions of injuries, good ending, lowercase

word count: 0.98k

lee minho, the school's most popular male, the son of a wealthy businessman, and your absolute rival in school. he was an absolute menace, someone who'd egg you on if you'd ever get even 1% less than him on tests, someone who didn't even have to make attempts to get a good grade, he was naturally smart and even if he wasn't, his father could still silver spoon him into good schools.

this same minho now sat at the table inside the chemistry lab, looking at his paper in pure horror. A big circular number on his paper read beside the percentage sign. and as if that hadn't been scary enough, the message below was even worse.

"I am disappointed in your efforts, mr. lee"

the words were intensely scary it was almost as if he could hear your voice saying it for some reason.

"zero? damn, that's harsh." he turned out to meet your face, peering over his shoulder with a grinning expression.

you made your way to a seat next to him, sighing loudly, reminiscent of all the times he did the same to you in a test.

"oh yeah? what'd you get?" he leaned back in his chair, his arms crossed over his chest.

a smile appeared on your face as you slid your paper over to him, his eyes widening slightly but his overall expression the same.

one-hundred and twenty percent??

"I know you may be wondering, how does such a strong, intelligent, empathetic being get such a high score, minus the extra credit."

"I'm not wondering, I don't care." he was salty, you took note of that. you laughed a little to yourself as you felt victorious for once in your whole rivalry.

the whole rivalry started 3 years ago when you all got the exam results posted on a bulletin outside. whilst everyone raved on about how smart you were, minho felt jealous and decided he wanted to be smart as well

after that, minho would feel such high validation and get praise for being able to beat you in certain subjects, becoming the first topic when it comes to student intelligence.

It annoyed you. why would someone like him wanna take the one good thing you had? he had luxury, he had potential love interests, and he had a life made up for him. so why was it that he constantly felt the need to take away your progress?

it was a question both you and he constantly asked yourselves. one even jisung asked himself as minho ranted to him.

"they laughed in my face, jisung." minho emphasized as he rubbed his temples, sighing in disbelief.

jisung was scrolling through his phone, showing halfhearted sympathy as he lifted his head to look at minho. "well they're only giving you the same thing you give them." jisung reasoned which caused minho to sigh again.

as days passed, minho constantly saw a downgrade in his chemistry work, more messages filled with the word "disappointed". this went on for about 2 weeks before the teacher pulled him aside at the end of class.

"mr. lee" she starts off, peering up at him through her glasses before sighing and shaking her head.

he already knows what's to come as he approaches her desk, a worried look on his face.

"lately, I've been seeing some uh.. flaws in your work for the past few weeks and I've been a bit concerned." she brings out a slip of paper, handing it to him.

"this is a mini graph of your grades and how they can affect you going into college if you don't fix them.''

minho sighs, looking down for a second before lifting his head back up. "Is there any way I can fix them before the semester ends?"

her face lights up in a suggestive smile and minho feels the weights of his shoulders lift a little with hope.

"I like that you're not willing to give up, I'm proud of you," she states before bringing out folders filled with student applications.

"I have a few students who are doing exceptionally well in my classes and may be willing to help you." she opens the first folder, your picture is there as well as your tutor information. she lets out a small aha before showing minho.

"y/n l/n, they excel the most in my classes, I assume you'd know them?" minho's eyes widen once he sees the picture, a small sigh leaving his mouth as he looks away, muttering a small "yes''

"great! I'll get them to tutor you, starting tomorrow, the more time, the merrier"

as the day went on minho dreaded the fact you had to tutor him. he wished it was someone who liked him more, someone who'd guarantee his good grades.

the next day went by scarily fast as now he sat in the library, watching your figure make your way over to the table, an annoyed look on your face.

"do you intend on bothering me, lee?" your face was stern as you stared at him with widened eyes.

he sighed and rolled his eyes. "I didn't have a choice, I wouldn't have chosen you if I did."

you let out a harsh airy breath, setting your books on the table. "as if you couldn't have gotten a personal tutor instead of wasting my time. oh wait, I forgot you need daddy's money to afford that and of course, you wouldn't want daddy to think his little son wasn't perfect."

minho rolled his eyes once more. "right. if you're gonna keep talking instead of helping me, I'd be very happy to tell her that her perfect little ace isn't as generous as she believed" his head was tilted to the side, his eyes bleeding into you as he spoke.

you sighed in return, sitting down before opening the books, starting your first lesson.

[whoslaurapalmer]

twin peaks but it happens in 2010. laura palmer have iphone etc etc

this ask has been haunting me since i saw it last night oh my god okay okay so

i wanted to lead with laura being an influencer but no one was quite influencing in 2010 yet. but the point here being that i think she posts a lot online and cultivates her online image very carefully (very soft, carefree, excited teenager) and has a LOT of followers on everything and always gets a ton of likes. bc it's laura, she's so beautiful and special and popular, of course everyone is following her, of course everyone is liking all her posts to get a piece of her

she has a twitter (laurapalmer93) where she posts a lot of pictures with little captions like.......'morning donuts at the diner!!' with a picture of the donuts and a milkshake or a Coffee To Be An Adult, 'can you believe this guy? <3' with a picture of bobby making a face (or even.........dare i say it...........doing the dougie), a picture of donna and james with '<33333333' (modern emojis were just getting really big then but i myself was not a big emoji user in 2010 yet, so neither is laura), 'don't tell ;)' with a picture of her holding a cigarette (of course everyone still smokes in the high school bathrooms).

one time she gets away with posting the lyrics to if i die young by the band perry (IF I DIE YOUNG! BURY ME IN SATIN! LAY ME DOWN ON A BED OF ROSES!) (FUNNY WHEN YOU'RE DEAD HOW PEOPLE START LISTENING!) bc it's a popular song. it raises a few eyebrows but it's a song and it's laura. how seriously do you take teen angst, even among your friends? that's just what laura does. what's there to really worry about, huh? (the song was released in may 2010 but let's say the lead up to her death is in 2010)

on facebook she posts a lot of volunteer stuff. school dance photos, which she helps organize. buy some cookies to support the french club!! she's very involved with student council, and she organizes the group halloween costume. her facebook is filled with photos of her with other people, but not really any of just her. she doesn't post a lot of statuses, but they're usually about homework or tests or 'feels like summer!' towards the end of the school year. she's friends with her parents. she definitely takes ap classes.

she has a private vent twitter (lostinthewoods) with zero followers that she uses as a diary bc she thinks it'll be safer than having it physically written down. her childhood lisa frank diary with the tiny lock and glitter gel pens that she kept in her bed post went missing, after all. her vent twitter is filled with sooooooo many tweets bc this was still the 160 character limit days and she would just post and post and post especially late at night. (she definitely has string lights in her room.) she is a MASTER of using her phone with no one seeing -- she has the layout absolutely memorized. she was only caught texting in class once and of course the teacher let it go.

bob/leland finds her passwords and breaks into the vent twitter and leaves her horrifying tweets she sees later, instead of the back and forth they have in the diary and leland ripping the pages out.

i think she has a third twitter, for sex, but i'm not sure if that tracks for the time period? (snapchat wasn't a thing until fall 2011.) or like a forum sort of thing? i think it's still super easy for laura to sneak out, even in an increased security camera world. there's still a lot of stress on the, yknow, ~secret unexposed underbelly of the world especially in a time of more eyes on everything~ in the 2010s.

meanwhile, james posts music a lot on facebook, and also acoustic covers of songs. like. yknow. HEY SOUL SISTER. donna loves the original pusheen stickers. they record the picnic video on her flip video camera. mike loves icanhascheezburger, and he jailbreaks his phone. audrey gets really into audrey hepburn quote posting, Aesthetic France, black and white photos, berets, has a photography phase and carries and actual camera bc it's Vintage. she's an early tumblr user. no one else in school has a tumblr yet, so she feels very cool but also very lonely about it.

harry has very little understanding of social media, however cooper is very into all social media, he finds it delightful. he enjoys a good cat video. he looks through all of laura's photos, her tweets, facebook videos, and i think there's, honestly even more of a feeling of tragedy bc of how much more physical evidence there is available of laura's life, lingering fingerprints, last tweets, last posts, passwords to put in and information to see, cold blue computer light, the even worse voyeurism in people expecting so much of your life to be online, in watching it play out online, in the image laura created for herself online to be the person people expected

donna rereads laura's twitter in the dead of night, just over and over again. goes back through their texts. so much of grief has become so much more public with social media and using it as a teenager, and there's this back and forth in donna of not posting anything and then posting the most miserable statuses about losing her best friend.

i know i should get deeper into the investigation but i keep thinking instead of how laura definitely gets a 20/20 special. it's probably definitely called 'the secret life of the american teenager.' (bc there was that show on at the time with the same name) elizabeth vargas visits twin peaks, is appropriately grim, there's a lot of b roll of the town and the woods but without the grace of twin peaks' cinematography. they play up the creation of a narrative big, as they always do on 20/20. the revelation of her 'double life' is at the halfway mark and simultaneously not discussed enough and overestimated. 'laura palmer was your average, everyday teenager -- she liked horses. cats. she got good grades, was homecoming queen, had a boyfriend on the football team. she volunteered on weekends. she had her whole life ahead of her. or was there more to the story than anyone knew? was there a dark side to the all-american girl?' oh, it's agonizing. the trailers play up a lot of potential spooky woods stuff that isn't followed through on in the actual episode.

now 20/20 prides itself on getting the story right, so i feel like it's.........i feel like they have to say it's leland at the end (and they definitely never get into anything about bob). but i also think, for some reason, it could easily have a 'we never found the killer' ending. especially re: s3........the thing is, i feel like laura's death particularly is the kind of thing that shows up on 20/20, but the rest of the circumstances would've ended up on like the unsolved mysteries website (the last revival ended in 2010, before the netflix reboot in 2019) (especially with WELL OUR FBI AGENT WENT MISSING). and there's so much online to put together in a website about it, there's so much for people online to dig into who have never even been to twin peaks, to think they know a town and the people in it and the girl who died even if it's just literally THE MOST DISGUSTING VOYEURISM IN THE WHOLE WORLD i just think there's such a. horror in that. people have the most, just, enraging takes when they get involved in a Murder That Happened Somewhere Else. people thinking they alone can figure out a mystery they've never seen, they can of course see something no one else has. and it's different than the people in the town ignoring it -- i think a lot of the secrets in twin peaks stay the same, no matter the time period, so of course it's still, a terrible dying town killing the people in it, maybe even quieter than it is in the original, some new infrastructure but old buildings, not all of them occupied anymore, ANYWAY -- like of course yes people in the town ignore the same amount they did in the original, all small towns bury things. but just bc the town itself isn't paying attention doesn't mean that some rando online is going to know more, no matter how much they think they will. there's like an entitlement to details of a murder, an I Must Be The Hero, The Savior, bc i'm on a fucking reddit thread about it

now i have zero (0) idea of how medical science and forensics work, but i have to assume there have been some advancements in the field between 1989/1990 and 2010/2011. the town still rushes the funeral, but would albert have been able to find anything else sooner? what is it he would have found to point to leland sooner? oh........dna testing, maybe? would he be able to find out about leland right away? there's more of a sense of urgency, maybe less of a slowness between events, even more of a shattering horror. maybe leland goes missing in an attempt to cover things up. hmmmmmm.

final note -- cooper gets called mulder as a nickname bc the x files happened as a show in this universe.

[demontonic]

Could you possibly do a WandaNat x FEM daughter reader where reader comes home with bruises from being bullied and tries to hide them but fails? And also that the reader is being cyberbullied please? Thank you!

Mothers Know Best

WandaNat x GN!Reader Mothers Know Best

WandaNat

tw: bullying

word count: 845

The air seemed to still once you entered your home, your legs sore and beaten as well as your hair tangled and ratty. You make a feeble attempt to smooth your hair down in the mirror by the front door, anyone who knows you however could tell you were shaken. Your arms were scratched all the up to your elbows from when you shielded your face. Mama Nat always suggested that she teach you basic combat to which Mother Wanda always declined. They both wanted to give you a normal household, keeping their abilities to a minimum to ensure regular development. In hindsight as Wanda begins to feel your overwhelming emotions, she starts to doubt her decisions.

Quietly sitting in your room, changed into a shirt with long sleeves and pj shorts, you try to process everything. Why has it always been so hard? Why was it always you? What was wrong with you? When would you stop feeling like this? Would you stop feeling like this?

“Of course you will love.” That sweet voice that had always been there when the monsters felt too real, or when you fell and hurt your shins. Her red hair came into view and the smell of vanilla and everything sweet filled your senses. You’re old enough to know about their enhancements without babbling on to everyone. Of course sometimes you hated the mind reading, but when you couldn’t face up to reality like now, it was a godsend.

“Just mean kids, a bad day, long walk home… I’m okay.” Lying right in front of Wanda was a stupid decision for anyone who dared. So when her hands grabbed your wrist and pulled your sleeve back you simply trembled. No argument or excuses to be made once her eyes zeroed in on the damage done to her precious baby.

“Who the fuck layed hands on you?” A voice you grew to both fear and respect rang like alarms in your ears. Your eyes catching on Nat’s fierce emerald pair, dread filling your stomach.

“I fell on my shortcut thr-“

“Through the creek.”

“Through the creek.”

Clearly they were tired of you defending your assaulters, it was common now. You believed that if you stopped caring they’d pick on someone who would give a reaction. Now being halfway through the school year your Moms have decided otherwise.

“Is that why you cry after getting phone calls? Are they bothering you at home now?”

“I don’t know who makes the-“

“You know the group who’s capable, that’s enough for me.” Nat took a seat behind you, cleaning off the thin scratches with a warm damp towel. Wanda sat in silence, hearing your mind race a thousand miles an hour. Her fingers brushed over your legs as she began to notice bruises, both old and some still forming.

“Tell us what happened, you know I don’t like forcing this information out of you.”

“It’s really not that big of a deal.”

“I either hack into the accounts that contact you and find their addresses, Wanda reads your mind, or you can tell us what happened.” Nat’s voice was stern, you could hear it falter as she tried to remain gentle but she succumbed to her instincts.

“It was a group of people from my art class, the teacher really likes my art so everyone calls me a teacher's pet. It only got worse when they found out I’m adopted. Today was just out of nowhere, I didn’t know they were following me. They kicked at my legs and shoved me into the bushes. That's why there’s… so much.” You ended with a hushed voice, gesturing to the visible marks.

“Those children are just that, children. They’re far less intelligent than you, emotionally and intellectually, you are different and they don’t like that.” Wanda brushed hair out of your face in order to lock eyes with you, cementing every syllable that came out of her mouth.

“So don’t let them work you up this much kid, in a few years you’ll laugh at them because they’re stuck working in fast food places.” Nat rested her hand on your shoulder while offering you a kind smile. You loved these moments, relished in them to be exact. You felt safe within their presence because you knew they’d do anything to maintain your happiness.

“You’re right, I don’t know why I didn’t think of it like that before.”

“Sometimes you just get caught up in the moment, just know that we’re always here for you- and! We love you, always.”

“Always.” Nat added as she kissed your forehead before standing and heading towards the door.

“Now I made some really good cookies that should be ravished while they’re still warm.” The three of you smiled as you followed Nat into the kitchen, the evening following as normal. A snack, tv shows, dinner and a movie. Tonight however Natasha and Wanda spent a few minutes finding the parents of these kids to make sure you’d never have to deal with them again.

I know it’s really short however I thought it best to keep this as like a drabble/scenario. Anyways I hope you enjoyed this cute little work, I am hopeing to produce better pieces in the very near future! In the meantime please do not be afraid to send requests and look through my masterlist!

[oopsiedaisiesbaby]

That gif you just posted of Callum in his white shirt gave me an idea:

Modern day AU, Gale is a freshman in university and he signs up for an online tutor. The tutor is John, a TA at another university. They meet twice a week over zoom but as the year goes on it turns from just tutoring to talking about their lives and backgrounds, dreams, etc. John gives Gale his personal number which is against rules but it's fine and soon they start texting about everything.

One late night the texting turns a little spicy. Then the next night a whole lot spicy. And it's just innocent fun, right? Yeah it's technically teacherish and student, but not at the same school and they're literally never going to meet, they don't even know what state the other person is in.

Except one day Gales normal literature TA is sick and the other classes TA fills in for him. It's John. Turns out that they are not only in the same state, but the same school.

He's taking the register and their eyes meet and suddenly there's a lot to talk about.

Oh mylanta 👀 Need this in my life now 🙌

In the states we sometimes have a university that is like a parent university to another, where it’s same system but totally different schools, mascots, rules, traditions… etc. and that’s what I’m picturing for them here. Also, if my tutor looked like Callum in those gifs, my grades would get worse not better because I would be so distracted 🤣

Anyways… perfectionist science nerd Gale who is making a B which gives him hives in some freshman level required course (his grade is so “bad” because he has zero interest in the subject… we’ll go with English for shits and giggles) so he signs up for the tutoring and at first John is like “??? You’re making an 88, why are you in tutoring?” and Gale exasperated is like “Because I’m making an 88, what are you missing here???”

Once they get over that initial misunderstanding though, they are smitten. Gale is enamored with the hot graduate level lit major in his cozy collared long sleeves and John is bewitched by the cute little freshman physics major with his soft sweaters and round glasses. They’re so different but they find they can talk about anything and everything and spend half of their tutoring sessions just talking.

I’m gonna go with they actually go to schools about 5 hours away from each other because I think they would discuss it at some point.

Gale is taken the fuck out when John reads from his personal copy of whatever assigned reading Gale has because there were no copies left at the library. Dealer’s choice which book it is, but basically Gale is so down bad after that Marge is concerned for his health and wellness because obsession like this can’t be healthy, especially not over a dorky ass Lit tutor.

Then they exchange phone numbers and they’re always texting, FaceTiming, sending each other TikTok’s and reels (they won’t follow each other on social media for plausible deniability since this is all very much against the rules). It’s always a little flirty but never crosses any lines until one night Gale sends a picture of himself curled up all cozy with his copy of the latest assigned reading and some tea and gets back a shirtless pic of John at the gym.

It’s all downhill from there because Gale was not aware that dorky ass John was an absolute unit like that and he was already in love but damn. The pictures and texts get saucier until Gale finds a vintage Yankees jersey at the thrift store and take a picture in it for John with just underwear underneath (it wasn’t meant to start anything, really, Gale just meant it to be flirty) and John goes in with a pic of himself hard in his underwear because he might just marry this one if he can figure out how to not get in trouble for everything that’s already been going on.

It turns into full on sexting and it keeps happening and escalates into phone sex until it truly gets out of hand and during one of their scheduled tutoring sessions (yes, they’re still doing those even though Gale is now making a 99 in his latest required English course) Gale mentions how hot it would be if John was actually his professor and they end up talking each other through teacher-student fantasies and getting off during their designated tutor times. They make a pact to keep tutoring, tutoring moving forward.

It’s not all about sex though, they have little FaceTime dates, they talk about the dates they would have if they lived closer. They talk about their hopes and dreams their fears and pasts… they are in love your honor.

John mentions transferring at the end of the spring semester to study under a professor that fits his research focus (don’t come for me, idk how MA’s so I’m taking on an MS approach lol) but doesn’t really bring it up again or say which school. Gale’s taking summer classes because he is a freak and trying to get through undergrad as quickly as possible.

Imagine his surprise when he shows up for his British literature course (he’s now minoring in literature despite his advisors insistence that it’s unnecessary stress) and the TA who will be teaching 50% of the classes is John fucking Egan. Gale waits after and gets dragged into what looks like a closet with a desk (it’s the shared TA office) and gets kissed within an inch of his life. There is zero discussion about whether or not they should be doing this (they shouldn’t, John could get fired and lose his grant and all kinds of other terrible stuff), just how they’re gonna keep this under wraps because they’re well aware they’re not gonna be able to stay away from each other.

I’m gonna go with, they almost get caught a couple of times (they definitely fuck in that tiny TA office more than once) and when John is no longer his TA and they come out as a couple they get some hard side eyes, but that they never truly get caught and they end up living happily ever after and they never quite get over that teacher-student fantasy 😉

[erbiumspectrum]

I stopped exercising when I was 15.

Back in school I was your typical clumsy nerdy kid with perfect grades and zero physical coordination. In P.E. class I was positively a pathetic sight and I was painfully aware of it as it was, but on top of that my P.E. teachers hated me. And I have no doubts about it because they treated me like garbage which was somehow even worse than the constant humiliation in front of my classmates.

I managed to stand it for a little over four years, after which I was so wrecked mentally that I stopped going to school. I don't mean P.E. class, I mean school. I was unable to go there, to even walk past the gym, and I only went back to school once I got a doctor's note that I couldn't do P.E.

And ever since then I've had debilitating anxiety over exercising in groups/ in public. That was absolutely out of the question. Just the very thought of exercising next to someone else was enough to make me feel sick. I didn't exercise by myself, at home, either because I felt so bad about myself I couldn't bring myself to do it.

I bought a jump rope two or three weeks ago, I can't remember. As soon as I got it, I tossed it to the bottom of the wardrobe and started trying to psych myself up to go use it. This evening I finally put some comfortable clothes on, stood in the kitchen where my dad was, and said, "I'm going to the park with the jump rope." My dad, a bit of a runner, asked where exactly I was going and when I told him, he said he often sees people exercising there. You can't imagine my relief when I heard it's in fact that kind of spot and I won't look weird there.

And I went. I actually did it. I went out and got some exercise in public.

I was pathetic 😂 I'd only manage two jumps in a row tops before stumbling. It definitely didn't cure my anxiety: all the time that I was there, I kept worrying about the other people staring at me and thinking "lmao what a loser" but I did not let that stop me.

I've just had a shower. My everything hurts. I imagine I'll be absolutely dead tomorrow. But I did something unbelievably brave today and I'm hoping I'll cling to this courage and keep going.

[dixonsdarkelf]

Those of you that know Vec & read her original profile may notice some minor changes I made for this AU. Otherwise, she's exactly the same. Her personality remains unchanged.

Quarters Of The Undead (QOTU) Masterlist

The IG reel I used to make the GIF

TW for mention of suicide & death while in the line of military service

➼ Nicknames: Vec (everyone except Georgie & Scud), Dia (Georgie), Vee (Scud), Vecna (Georgie), Buttercup (like the Powerpuff girl) (Scud), my little bee/bumblebee (Scud), the Mrs. (Scud), Deetz (started by Matt), Firecracker/Alexandria's little firecracker (Negan)

➼ She got the nickname ‘Vec’ in high school because of all of the Lydias in her graduating class.

➼ Her birthday is July 6th (she’s a Cancer bby)

➼ She was born and raised in the small town of Swanton, Ohio before moving to Atlanta for med school.

➼ She's 5 foot 7 with blue eyes and long black hair that reaches her waist

➼ She worked as a trauma surgeon in an emergency room at Atlanta General before the outbreak.

➼ If she hadn't chosen trauma surgery as her specialty, she would've gone into OBGYN

➼ She decided she wanted to become a doctor when she was just three years old. Her oldest brother was in an accident, and at the hospital, she saw a surgeon in a floral dress and white coat & asked her if she was a princess. The doctor told her yes, and she decided in that moment that she wanted to be a princess when she grew up (which she later learned was a doctor) and save lives like this woman saved her brother’s.

➼ She's passionate about women's rights and access to healthcare.

➼ Her strengths include her empathy, compassion, and understanding, which helps to make her a great doctor

➼ She's 30 when the outbreak begins

➼ Her and her best friend, Georgianna Marianne Hawkins (Georgie), have been friends since they were little.

➼ She has three older brothers--Preston (5 years older than her), Jay, and Eli (3 years older than her. Jay and Eli are twins, Jay being two minutes older)

➼ All three of her brothers were Navy SEALs and taught her how to fight

➼ Her dad is an astronaut and was launched into space a couple of weeks before the outbreak began

➼ Her mom and her brother Preston passed away (in separate instances) about 5 years before the outbreak. Preston was killed in the line of duty during deployment, and her mom was unable to cope with his death and took her own life two months later.

➼ She blushes very easily and frequently

➼ She exclusively calls Rick 'cowboy'

➼ Daisies are her favorite flower because they symbolize the purity of love and new beginnings/fresh starts.

➼ Her favorite color is blue

➼ She’s very outgoing and talks a lot

➼ Her favorite music artist is Ke$ha

➼ She collects sex toys & buys a new one after every bad hookup. Georgie will sometimes help her pick a new one & offer her opinion.

➼ She’s very sex-positive and has zero shame in discussing her bedroom activities with people she’s close with.

➼ She likes to write and always has a notebook and pen on her at all times.

➼ She loves fantasy films like Lord of the Rings and attended many ren fests before the outbreak.

➼ She was once on a date where she sneezed and a spaghetti noodle came out her nose. Now, she can't even look at a box of dry spaghetti without getting queasy.

➼ She can sing as well as line dance. She had a friend in medical school who wanted to learn how to line dance, but they didn’t wanna do it alone, so they convinced her to do it with them.

➼ She has five tattoos--line work of a bouquet of daisies on the front of her right hip, line work of the moon on the front of her left hip (a bff tattoo with Georgie), a sternum piece of vines with blue flowers, and a cluster of bumblebees on the back of each of her thighs (hence why Scud calls her ‘my little bee/bumblebee’), and Scud's kiss mark between her breasts. She's incredibly selective with who gets to see her tattoos.

➼ She's no damsel in distress, she can handle her own & is hyper-independent.

➼ Her mom gave her the middle name 'Rae' because she was her only daughter and therefore her 'ray of sunshine.'

➼ Other than Georgie, her best friend in the group is Aaron. She's also very close with Maggie, Michonne, & Rosita.

➼ She's a wildcard and bit of a spitfire, and she certainly doesn't take shit from anyone, men especially.

Georgianna Marianne Hawkins belongs to @dixons-sunshine

GIF banner and (c) message below were made by me. Glitter divider is by @anitalenia

[heeheesang]

ₕᵢgₕ ₛcₕₒₒₗ cᵣᵤₛₕ! ₗₑₑ ₕₑₑ ₛₑᵤₙg.

nine -> problems. ( written + text )

“and that was out last topic for the day! you did such a great job learning today, pretty girl. i’m proud of you!” jay smiles sweetly at me as he helps me sort out my items in my bag. “thank you for teaching me, jay! i had a great time learning with you, see you next session?” he nods and packs his items too.

“are you going home alone?” jay asks as we walk out of the library together, he was close to my shoulder, almost zero space between us as we walk side by side. “ah no.. heeseung’s walking back with me. he always waits for me.” i said and moved a little further away to create some space between us.

“alright then, i’ll see you in class tomorrow! goodbye ynnie, get home safely.” jay waved at me and i waved back as i sat on the swing in school. weird that heeseung wasn’t here, he would usually wait here or he would at least place his bag here to let me know he was there. a few minutes went past and it was getting cold, not long later it started pouring and i was drenched in rainwater.

ring ring… ring ring…

heeseung? i picked up the call.

“heeseung?”

“ynnie, where are you?”

“i was at the swing then i moved to the cafeteria, where are you?”

“i was getting my motor bike, it started raining so we can’t walk home today, i’m sorry princess.”

“hey it’s fine.. i’ll come up to you right now, i’ll see you at the gates?”

“i’ll be right here princess.”

i hung up the phone as blush tinted my cheeks, i could never get tired of him calling me princess. something about him just calling me princess makes my heart flutter and have a ride or a themepark in my heart. once i saw heeseung from afar, his arms were wide open and i ran towards him, almost slipping at the end but he caught me and we both hugged each other tightly.

“careful there, princess. wouldn’t want you to miss your performance because of an injury.” heeseung giggled as he lifted me off the floor and hugged me even tighter, “we haven’t seen each other for a day yet you’re acting like we haven’t met in years.” i giggled and blushed as he placed a soft peck on my forehead, “still, you’ll love me either way. now c’mon, let’s get you home before hoon yells at me hm?”

as soon as he started his bike, he reminded me, “hold on tight princess,” taking my arms and wrapping his around his body, which i obviously complied to and hugged his back the whole ride home.

the ride home was very smoothing, with rain, with wind, with heeseung. i like heeseung, the way he acts towards me, they way he helps me with everything, the way he would do anything for me, the way he’s so caring, friendly, loving and kind. he was really the perfect guy, all in one package if you ask me.

“anddd we have arrived!” heeseung said, parking his bike and taking his helmet off, “are you asleep, princess?” i quickly closed my eyes, pretending to sleep as he giggled, “how cute.”

he was very cautious in moving so he wouldn’t ‘wake’ me up, he took off my helmet and carried me bridal style into the house. “we’re home, sunghoon!” heeseung yelled as i felt him sitting down, maybe on the couch?

“heeseung! where’s yn— aw she’s asleep?” “yeah.. and she’s soaking wet from the rain. i’ll put her in her room so she won’t wet the couch, i don’t wanna trouble you, hoon.”

not a minute later, i was picked up again and placed on a soft, fluffy, bouncy matress. a blanket was put over the lower half of my body as my hair was oushed off my face, “sleep well my little princess. i love you,”

masterlist | back | next

taglist! @haechansbbg @saranghaohoshi @rosas-in-the-garden @yourssincerely-mimi @dimplewonie @jwnghyuns

hhs’ notes! i’m sorry if it seems confusing😭 so we have jealous hee and emo yn entering the story👀, i promise it’ll all work out in the end!! as always, thankyou for reading and supporting this smau~ i love you all, here’s a rose! 🌷💘

[hylkun]

★ highschool crushes ateez

ot8 x gn!reader . 0.8k . fluff/romance . highschool!au . lower case intended .

seonghwa is known by practically the whole campus — the main reason being his looks. every year when valentine’s day came around it wasn’t a surprise to see seonghwa’s desk full of letters, chocolates, gifts and all sorts of things. however he never read a letter, ate a chocolate or kept a gift. he threw each of them away once the day was over, because he only had eyes for you. the next valentine’s day, you found a pink letter on your desk decorated with stickers and doodles, and a candy bar beside it. there was a note, that read: “happy valentine’s day. wanna be mine? - p.s.”

hongjoong is the class president, the only student who manages to get everyone in order because they found him intimidating. he observed that he never had to speak to you about behaving or lowering down because, well, you were always in your own world. hongjoong grew to like you since it was one less student he had to deal with daily. later, he found out that he didn’t just like you because of your well mannered behavior, but also your personality. but it took him weeks to ask you out because he could never find the courage to.

yunho decided to tryout for the school’s volleyball team, since he needed some type of extracurricular activity on his record to get into a good college. during tryouts you just so happened to be walking by the court and as yunho hit the ball with the palm of his hand it shot right towards you and struck you in the face, causing you to lose consciousness. like the gentleman he is he carried you to the infirmary and waited for you to awake so he could formally apologize to you. but when you did, he found himself stumbling all over his words. the next day, you found a note from yunho on your desk. “sorry again! call me xxx-xxx-xxxx.”

yeosang doesn’t talk much and is mostly seen in the library reading. you are somewhat similar to him and also spend your free time in the library. one day yeosang heard that the new volume of his favorite novel, “Imagine us in Heaven” had been added to the library and scurried to read it. but he never knew that you had also peeked an interest in the novel and the both of you grabbed for the book at the same time. “oh, i’m sorry. do you want to read it first?” yeosang couldn’t help but feel his heart race at the fact there was someone who was a fan of this novel too. by the end of the day you were joined by the hip and ranting about the book.

san, the captain of the school’s national football team. everywhere he goes girls ogle and drool over him. many wish to be with him but he’s rejected so many that he’s started to lose count. unfortunately you were also one of those people who were rejected by him. “i’m sorry, i don’t feel the same way about you,” he said. he told himself he had absolutely zero feelings for you but the next day when he saw you laughing so sweetly with his classmates his blood boiled a little too much..

no one has ever heard mingi talk unless a teacher had called upon him or someone spoke to him first which was rare. during math class he wasn’t expecting anyone to voluntarily sit beside him, until you did. he was surprised that someone would want to sit with him, let alone start a conversation. although he never responded to you you kept the conversation going which made his heart swell. he felt an emptiness when the ball rang and you had to leave. hopefully tomorrow, he could find the courage to sit with you.

everyone found wooyoung intimidating, to the point where people would make a path in the hallway to make ample space for him to walk by. you were also part of this majority that never dared to walk within a foot’s radius of wooyoung, until you lost a bet with your friends and had to go up and start a conversation with him. once you stood in front him and he acknowledged you you could feel your heart rate quickening and beads of sweat rolling down your forehead. “hi, i’m (name). wanna be my friend?” you internally cringed at the sentence that left your mouth but, you were even more shocked when he agreed.

jongho was your seatmate but he’d never talk to you. you tried purposely dropping your belongings so he’d hand them to you, asking him for help when you knew the answers very well and even asking him if he needed help. but outside of class, he never spoke to you. until one day you asked him for assistance for the umpteenth time. “so, if you multiply that 3 times by itself that’s your answer.” you smiled happily at him although you already knew the formula. “you’re really smart, y’know that?” jongho only nodded but he couldn’t help but blush uncontrollably.