#once again unblocked project but what can i say

[pien-art]

Dyke <33 (Fag version) Filet crochet, 27 x 44 cm prints available here !

[atopvisenyashill]

Are there are asoiaf takes you find so rancid or annoying that you’ll block on the spot?

okay so first of all - i use the block button so loosely on here bc there’s no mute function and blacklisting a url would just bog my blacklist down. once again. pls staff a mute button for when it’s not that serious. but i will block someone, then feel bad because i notice my moots reblog them a lot and i'm like "oh they're not that annoying i was just in a bad mood" and unblock. there's only one (1) take i leave someone on permablock for. every other take i find particularly rancid or annoying is all stuff i just check before i follow rather than blocking over (which is why if u don't have searching on your blog, you'll see me liking your stuff over the span of months before following. i have issues!!! aldjf).

i specifically check for that one gifset that’s like “the direwolves predicting their starkling’s fate” that has sansa getting her head chopped off. if they have it on their blog, it's like 99% likely i'm about to permablock. it’s not only a silly prediction, it’s one made by people who are deeply projecting onto sansa. as she’s my favorite, i think that’s dumb obviously lol. BUT i check for it bc like. U All Know That Group of Arya Stans. i know you know because they’ve commented on at least two of your posts with the most bizarre take you’ve ever seen. i reply when they comment on my stuff (usually just once tho & the people who delete right away are valid) but i’m not out here LOOKING for them lol, i’m actively avoiding it, and That Specific Gifset is a good litmus test for whether a Crazy Stan Groupie just hate followed me or something. also, One Of That Group, as in not just a groupie, has me blocked on this blog AND my main one which i know bc i can’t reblog from half those source blogs they run aksjdj so if i notice someone’s real involved with that group, i just pre-emptivly block bc if i can’t even reblog half of what someone is posting what’s the point there 🤧🤧

but what do i check before following/what opinions have annoyed me enough that it's lead to me "muting" aka blacklisting a url? well-

curtain of light and it’s offshoots which include “targ incest baby will save the world.” lol, lmao. they’re not right but if they’re right i’m deleting my blog and never talking about the series again and i’m so serious. i have my dignity!!

people who go on frequently about rhaenyra being entitled, evil, not worthy, "oh well the LEGALITY," or hyper focus on her violence (esp if they’re also an aemond stan🤧). i absolutely Do block people who say shit like “rhaenyra is unfeminist because she doesn’t want to marry laenor but wants to marry daemon.” tho. why? clearly zero critical thinking skills lol i think u can joke about her having bad taste in men without All Of That.

i avoid people who are hardcore into the belief that dany is the unambiguous hero for obvious reasons. if they think she’ll be queen of westeros, if they actively shoot down criticism of her actions in the bay & towards mmd and irri? nah, and i've muted and blocked people for this one if they're particularly nastie. i DO follow idk three or four dany stans but they're generally not out here actively beefing with people and also they tend to hate emilia’s acting too lol, like they’re not Targ Nation.

(which, related, but people who stan dany but are tg? THEE most obnoxious people in this fandom, i NEVER follow those people).

rhaelya. even my fellow “well i like it BECAUSE it’s toxic” shippers don’t get into this one. it’s like people who swallow dany rewriting drogo/dany in her head to me. no critical thinking skills.

i really am just obsessively reading people’s stark tags before following BUT anything on ned being an enabler, being too honorable to shit, “oh would he even save lyanna from robert if robert started physically abusing her." why? it just annoys me aksjdj , we spend an entire NOVEL rolling around in that man’s psyche and we shouldn’t be missing the point like this.

“dornish people aren’t non white” takes. that’s directly contradicted by the text, i don’t give a shit about any casting, there’s so clearly an ethnic and racial difference at play here with how the rest of Westeros treats Dorne. you either understand that or you’re a moron.

[having-conniptions]

Love In The Air episode 9 live reaction under the cut (long post)

Prapai always looks so good aaaa

What is going on with these siblings lmao

This is random af but Sky's fridge magnets >>>>>>>>

Why is Sky going grocery shopping in his boxers (and a t-shirt but still bro put some clothes on lmao)

Awwwww he didn't throw the flowers away

Sassy Sky is back ayooo

Oh shit I was not expecting trauma flashbacks uh oh

Broooooo I love Sky soooo much

"Do you wanna lose your legs?" PLEASE HE IS SUCH A SASSY BITCH

I feel like bratty bottoms are a reoccurring theme in this series

The hand slap hahahahaha

Awwww my baby's got low self esteem and thinks Prapai's compliments are lies 😭😭

P-piercings? And Sky covers his nipples? Wait a minute *goes back to ep 8 to check for nipple piercings* Sky doesn't have nipple piercings or at least he didn't when they hooked up so either he got some in the meantime or there's a nipple joke there that got lost in translation and went over my head --- and that concludes my nipple research back to the episode

Huh? He got piercings? And took them out? Then how would Prapai know about them, he didn't have them back then and he doesn't have them now??? I am confused and once again spending way too much time wondering about nipple piercings

Sky can not deal with the fact that someone is actually interested in him, he's mad because he thinks it's a joke 😭 (and because Prapai is annoyingly full of himself)

Pai: "What if I'm serious?" Sky: *panic*

Hahahaha Rain ships it soooo hard

Omg when Rain mentioned Sky's ex... SKY BABY WHAT HAPPENED

Ok the little care package from Prapai is cute tho

"I won't like anyone" WHO HURT YOU BABY IMMA BEAT EM UP

Nooooo don't throw it away

1) ohhh I see the piercing now - and maybe I did miss it in episode 8? 2) SKY WHO DID THIS TO YOU LET THEM BURN IN HELL FOR ETERNITY

Went back to ep 8 again because the piercing mystery would not leave my mind --- idk if they purposely filmed it that way but it was literally impossible to see if there was actually a piercing there, the nipple in question is literally covered or out of focus the entire time (you can see it briefly when he takes off his shirt but the piercing wouldn't really be visible from that angle) --- side note, that song sounds good at 0.75x speed lmao

The reason why I'm so wrapped up in the piercing thing is because HOW WOULD PRAPAI KNOW like was he in any way involved in the scenario from Sky's nightmare?? Because that would be HORRID and I hope it's not the case

Why does this couple have me playing detective all the time wtf

Awwww he's being sassy but Prapai's text actually made him smile

He's just so scared to get hurt again

He blocked him?!?!

Hahaha Prapai's little flashback to Rain's reaction

He's worried about Sky aaawww

And he brought him more food 😭❤️ he'd have my heart so fast with sunflowers and food istg

One thing that annoys me (in this series and in most bl actually) is that "no" is taken as "keep trying" --- but we can acknowledge that it's fictional and we know what consent is so yeah it's just something that should be taken with a grain of salt

He's getting Prapai's texts so he's definitely unblocked him

"Ignore the voice in your heart. Only listen to your head." NOOO SKY THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS

"I'll go piss him off again" SIG THE REAL MVP

Nooo not the nightmares again this hurts to watch

WAIT IS THAT WHY HE NEVER SLEEPS WHEN HE'S GOT THE BOYS OVER FOR A GROUP PROJECT

Brooo Sky looks like he's about to collapse

Called it

OH HE'S BEEN CHANGING HIS NUMBER

The fact that Rain told Pai to come to Sky's dorm not knowing that he was probably making it worse for Sky aaaa

Love to see Rain being protective of Sky ❤️❤️❤️

PRAPAI KEEP YOUR DISTANCE DON'T JUST TOUCH HIM YOU DINGUS

AWWWWW HE'S ACTUALLY LETTING PRAPAI COMFORT HIM but I'm not sure he's even conscious enough to know what's going on and who's holding his hand

The forehead touch aaaaaa

And Prapai asks!!!! And respects Sky's "no"!!!!! Even though he doesn't say "no" but just turns away!!!!!! Good boy

Soft cuddlessss

Prapai in his pj's aawwww

And respecting Sky's boundaries!!!

And doing laundry!!!!!! Hubbyyyyyyyyy

Bonus scene: he's practicing addressing Sky in a soft/friendly way why is that so cute

[xb0rder-7inex]

I know this pattern now. I'll be blocked until tomorrow afternoon lol. He does it over and over again until I eventually just keep my mouth shut. He's panicking because he's losing control and realising I don't need him and he's major projecting. He doesn't know what to do with those emotions so he splits. He has said so much of the same shit so many times I don't believe it anymore. Trying to set me off with the same shit he's said a million times and I don't react anymore and I think that bothers him. I think it bothers him that he knows I'm growing out of him and he can't keep up. I think he's only ever dated people that were worse than him and now that he's seeing how much I'm changing and doing for myself, it scares him. I think what he told me the other night about all of what he wants me to say really spoke volumes to me about how he's actually feeling.

Borderline, anyone? I'm finally on the other end of it and I understand now why everyone thinks we're abusive.

He can't really block me on RS and can only ignore me if I'm already online so if he's offline later he has his chat off or he's genuinely not on.

I genuinely don't care anymore tbh but I think trying to be the one to leave is going to make things really hard for me so I'm just gonna ride it out.

We'll see if he's still going to be abusive later. I have a feeling he will be. If anything goes well I'll be surprised. And if he isn't on RS later I'll be unblocked by the end of the day tomorrow.

The emotional rollercoaster is wild. But I know what to expect now and that makes me feel better. I'm not feeling the anxiety I felt yesterday lol. Sometimes he does it so much at once that it feels like a relief.

At least I'll have some peace before I anticipate when he'll be back lol. 24 hours of it probably :)

[heyyyharry]

Happier

(inspired by happier by Olivia Rodrigo)

Word count: 2.4k

I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

Part 1: Drivers License

Part 2: Deja Vu

A/N: I edited the original lyrics to match the POV :)

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Harry had come up with a thousand scenarios of how this day would play out. Actually, he’d been thinking of this day since the moment he’d received the news. He didn’t dare to hope that she’d say yes to coming back for a sequel. He’d been sure that they would write her character off, give a lame excuse for how his love interest could not make a return and make his character forget about her completely to move on with a new girl in town. It would have been great if it was that easy in real life. Once someone was written off the script, they were gone for good. Real-life relationships were not that simple. Goodbye didn’t mean ‘never see you again’. You would still share the same friend circle and social bubbles, and it was worse when you two worked in the same industry. Harry didn’t know how he’d lasted a year without running into her, not since the Grammys.

“Didn’t you two date?”

“No.” Harry shook his head, but his eyes stayed glued on Y/N from across the room. She wasn’t looking his way, too busy saying hello to everyone else. “No,” he repeated, more to himself than to his co-star. “We didn’t.”

“But she wrote an entire album about you,” said the other twin. What was her name again? Lulu?

“Luna!” cried her sister, Lex. “You can’t ask him that!”

“No, it’s okay,” Harry said with a tight smile, slightly annoyed by the blonde twins, but he didn’t want to seem like an ass on the first day of filming. “And I don’t know if it was for me. You should ask Y/N.”

“Ask me what?”

Harry flinched when he looked up and saw Y/N padding towards them. She hugged the twins, who seemed way too excited. Harry guessed they were Y/N’s fans. They gave off crazy fangirl vibes, probably just pretending not to know the drama to interrogate him. He couldn’t blame them for assuming he was the villain and definitely could not blame Y/N for portraying him as one. It was more important that he knew who he was and how much he had changed since his last relationship. Maybe they could finally be friends.

“Were they bothering you?” Y/N asked him once the twins had left.

Harry nodded. “They’re your friends?”

“Oh, I met them last year on tour. I’m surprised you don’t know them. They were on Disney.”

“I don’t watch Disney,” Harry admitted with a smile. “Well, not today’s Disney.”

“Understandable.” Y/N nodded and bit her lip. She seemed guarded with her straight back and hands hidden behind her. She eyed him up and down, quite subtle yet noticeable. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good,” he said, nodding slowly. “You?”

“Yeah, but mostly tired because of tour.”

“You’re done?”

“Yup, last night was the last show.”

“Nice.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow. “Nice?”

Harry blinked. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” Y/N giggled. “You still sound very...you.”

“Well, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah, you should. But it’s been a year so…I mean, you haven’t changed much.”

“Right,” he said lowly, his eyes falling to his feet. Harry supposed he should say something else, perhaps bringing up another random topic to discuss, but all he could think about was what had happened between them. Things had been messy, hadn’t they? How could they go back to before that? Before her first song about him. Before he’d chosen someone else over her.

Or he could talk about her new relationship. She’d been in a happy relationship for almost six months, right? No wait, hadn’t they broke up two weeks ago? He wasn’t sure because he hadn’t been catching up. If they’d broken up, he’d sound like an ass to even mention her ex’s name. He should just stay quiet.

“I’ll see you later?” she said, gesturing at her stylist who was waiting by the door.

Harry could ask her right now -- the reason she’d agreed to film the sequel to their first movie together. He’d heard from a very reliable source that she’d specifically asked her agent to decline any project that he was in. So did this mean they were good? That she didn’t hate him anymore? He could have gathered his courage and got the answer right then…

“Yeah, see you.”

...but he didn’t.

And so she gave him a smile and a little wave, then happily returned to her stylist.

.

.

.

“See you tomorrow, Y/N!”

“See you, Annie!” Y/N said as she put the rest of her things into her tote bag. Her new driver had got her schedule mixed up, and so she had to wait here for another half an hour. She was in no rush. It had been a light first day, and she’d had a fun time getting to know the new cast members and catching up with old friends.

She sat on the sofa in the lobby, legs crossed, texting her best friend about her day. She’d purposely left out the short off-screen conversation with Harry, and her best friend didn’t even bother to ask. In their world, he didn’t exist, and his name was censored in every conversation like a curse word that was even worse than ‘cunt’. Nevertheless, she didn’t hate him anymore. She was doing just fine on her own, being busy with her career, and she’d been in a happy relationship after her fall out with him.

She and the guy, a model, had broken up two weeks ago due to long distance and some differences that they could not change. They had ended on good terms and decided to stay friends. They said you could only stay friends with your ex when you still had feelings for each other, or you had never loved each other that much in the first place. For her, it was probably the latter. Her previous relationship had been more platonic than romantic, apparently. So she had nothing but the best to say about him.

As she was going through her camera roll, just reminiscing about the past, she heard footsteps approaching and looked up to find Harry. He offered a smile and gestured to the spot beside her on the sofa. “May I sit here? My ride is late.”

“Yeah, sure.” She hurriedly scooted over.

“Good job today,” he said. “You were great.”

“Thanks, so were you.” She smiled, and they both looked away at the same time. This was so awkward. She hated small talk. She’d never had to have small talk with Harry. Conversations with him used to be so easy and natural and silly. Whatever this was, it wasn’t them.

“Can we just be normal?”

At first, Y/N thought she’d been the one who’d said it, so when she realised it’d been Harry, she was speechless.

He swallowed and sat a bit straighter, still not looking at her. “I don’t want us to be weird and awkward.”

“Okay,” she said.

He cleared his throat. “Wanna try again?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Okay, not to sound like an ass but when Joey kept forgetting his lines, I was so pissed off, I could throw a chair at the wall.”

“Right?!” exclaimed Y/N, feeling free to have finally broken out of her shell. “Like, he doesn’t even have many lines. I know he’s new but damn...you can’t get far if you don’t learn your goddamn lines.”

Harry shook with laughter. “Oh God, we sound like dicks, don’t we?”

“Maybe.” Y/N laughed, covering her mouth. “But you know what? We can’t be nice in this industry. It’s impossible.”

“Shhh, if someone heard this, we would be into big trouble.”

“Oh please, I’ve had worse articles written about me than ‘Y/N speaks facts about her lazy co-star’.”

Harry tossed his head back and cackled. “The worst one I’ve got this week was ‘Harry Styles hates therapists.’”

“What?!” Y/N gasped. “No way! That’s so stupid!”

“Right?” Harry rolled his eyes. “I could get all my therapists to speak up for me but I’m kinda immune to bullshit now.”

“Therapists? Like plural?”

“Yeah, one in every city.”

“Damn.”

“Yeah.”

Y/N rubbed her hands onto her legs. “Rough year?”

Harry’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he leaned back. “You have no idea.” Then he swept his hair out of his eyes, sucked in a breath, and finally looked at her. “I wish I could have talked to you, though.”

She bit her tongue, knowing what she was about to say next would disappoint her best friend so much, but she had to. “So do I.”

Harry looked taken aback before his lips curled into a smile. “It’s silly, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to you in a year, and I feel like I know everything that’s happened to you except that I don’t.”

What he’d just said might make no sense for most people, but Y/N knew exactly what he meant. She nodded and wetted her lip. “You only know as much as everyone else does.”

“Yeah, I got updates on you from the news and our friends.”

“Same.” Y/N smiled back. “I hate how they write articles about your new haircut but not mine.”

“I like your new hair colour.”

“Thanks. I like your new car.”

Then they both burst out laughing. It was fun and also a little bit strange that Y/N didn’t feel the same anxiety talking to him as she used to. It must be because they had grown and were now meeting again as better people.

“Damn, my ride's here,” Y/N said as she read the text from her driver. “I gotta go now.”

“Oh, okay.” Harry stood up and followed Y/N to the entrance. “Hey, just wondering--”

“Yeah?”

“Am I...am I still blocked?” He looked a bit flustered as she tilted her head and squinted her eyes. “On your phone. Because I remember you having my number blocked--”

“I unblocked you on your birthday.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugged. “I should’ve sent you a happy birthday text but...I didn’t want your girlfriend to get the wrong ideas.”

“My ex.”

“Yeah, I know.”

They smiled at each other one last time before saying goodbye. Y/N knew it was silly, but she was hoping he would go after her.

Ding.

A notification popped up when she was in the car. She was almost home, and it was from Harry’s number. He’d sent her a link with a message that said, “Hope you like it :)”.

Curious, she tapped on it and was directed to an audio file titled ‘Track 5’. The upload date was last year. About two weeks after their short conversation at the Grammys.

Hurriedly, she fumbled inside her bag for her iPods and put it on before she pressed play.

“Hey, Jeff, I couldn’t sleep so I wrote this song. Listen and let me know if it should go on the album.”

Then came the piano intro. It sounded good, so Y/N wondered how it hadn’t ended up on his last album.

But when he started to sing...

We ended a while ago Your friends are mine, you know, I know You've moved on, found someone new One more guy who brings out the better in you

And I thought my heart was detached From all the sunlight of our past But he’s so nice, he’s so funny Does he mean you forgot about me?

Oh, I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

And does he tell you you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen? An eternal love bullshit he might not even mean Remember when you were with me I meant it when you heard it first from me

And now I'm pickin' him apart Like cuttin' him down will make you miss my wretched heart But he’s charming, he looks kind He probably gives you butterflies

I hope you're happy But not like how you were with me I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go So find someone great, but don't find no one better

I hope you're happy I wish you all the best, really Say you love him, baby Just not like you loved me And think of me fondly when your hands are on him I hope you're happy, but don't be happier

The song was for her. He’d written it when her new relationship had gone public. Y/N sat there, staring blankly ahead until the honking of a car tore open her inner peace, and reality came crashing back in. The driver dropped her off at her house. Instead of going inside, she stood on her front steps and replayed the song one more time. When it ended, she decided to text him: Why didn’t this make it to the album?

She didn’t know where he was now, but it showed ‘typing’ in less than a second, as if he’d been waiting in their chat since he’d sent that link.

You would’ve hated me, Y/N.

True, she replied. Still, I would’ve loved the song lowkey. And added, I love it btw.

He took so long to type that it was driving her crazy. She flopped down on the concrete stair with her phone clutched in her hands, her heart thundering against her ribcage. Anxiety popped like a balloon when his message appeared: Were you happier?

She reread it again and again.

No.

I wasn’t either, he responded. I kept getting deja vu.

Ha, nice reference.

That song is my guilty pleasure. Love listening to you roasting me on loop.

That last message made Y/N bury her face into her palm and giggle like a fool. She thought for a second and wrote: I could come roast you in person now if that’s what you prefer. I think we’ve never had a proper roasting.

Can we meet, Y/N? Or are you busy now?

No, not busy.

Great, I’ll pick you up.

Just tell me where, she responded with a smile on her face. I got my drivers license now :)

[perpetual-stories]

How To Fight Writers Block

hello, hello. hope everyone is doing well. as you can all tell, this post will be about how to fight writers block.

it’s really annoying to me when I hear people say “oh you don’t have writers block, you’re just lazy.”

first of all, yes, I am naturally lazy. second of all, how dare you. writing isn’t as easy as many think. granted, all you have to do is write down words on paper, but it’s not always easy to find the right words to express what you are feeling, or what you wish to say.

I have had terrible writer’s block for the last few days and it’s horrible! as a business owner or a small writing store, I have to be ready to write and fulfill my clients’ ideas and orders.

it’s not easy. It takes a heavy toll on my imagination, and digs me a deep pit of blockage, drowning in the lack of originality because of the constant writing and repetition or certain phrases and sentences in different projects.

i am making this post in the hopes to remind myself about over coming the dreaded and sometimes skeptically believed writer’s block.

What is writer’s block?

Yeah, I know. We all know what that is, but let me define it.

is the state of being unable to proceed with writing, and/or the inability to start writing something new

some people believe it to be a real problem, others believe it's “all in your head”

What Causes Writer’s Block?

in the 1970s, clinical psychologists Jerome Singer and Michael Barrios decided to find out

they concluded that there are four broad causes of writer's block:

Excessively harsh self-criticism

Fear of comparison to other writers

Lack of external motivation, like attention and praise

Lack of internal motivation, like the desire to tell one's story

How to overcome writer's block: 20 tips

1. Develop a writing routine:

Author and artist Twyla Tharp once wrote: “Creativity is a habit, and the best creativity is a result of good work habits.”

it might seem counterintuitive

if you only write when you “feel creative,” you're bound to get stuck in a tar pit of writer's block

The only way to push through is by disciplining yourself to write on a regular schedule. It might be every day, every other day, or just on weekends — but whatever it is, stick to it!

2. Use "imperfect" words:

A writer can spend hours looking for the perfect word or phrase to illustrate a concept

You can avoid this fruitless endeavor by putting, “In other words…” and simply writing what you’re thinking, whether it’s eloquent or not

You can then come back and refine it later by doing a CTRL+F search for “in other words.”

3. Do non-writing activities:

one of the best ways to climb out of a writing funk is to take yourself out of your own work and into someone else’s

Go to an exhibition, to the cinema, to a play, a gig, eat a delicious meal

immerse yourself in great STUFF and get your synapses crackling in a different way

Snippets of conversations, sounds, colors, sensations will creep into the space that once felt empty

4. Freewrite through it:

free-writing involves writing for a pre-set amount of time without pause — and without regard for grammar, spelling, or topic. You just write.

The goal of freewriting is to write without second-guessing yourself — free from doubt, apathy, or self-consciousness, all of which contribute to writer's block. Here’s how:

Find the right surroundings. Go somewhere you won't be disturbed.

Pick your writing utensils. Will you type at your computer, or write with pen and paper? (Tip: if you're prone to hitting the backspace button, you should freewrite the old-fashioned way!)

Settle on a time-limit. Your first time around, set your timer for just 10 minutes to get the feel for it. You can gradually increase this interval as you grow more comfortable with freewriting.

5. Relax on your first draft:

Many writers suffer form perfectionism, which is especially debilitating during a first draft

“Blocks often occur because writers put a lot of pressure on themselves to sound ‘right’ the first time. A good way to loosen up and have fun again in a draft is to give yourself permission to write imperfectly.” — editor Lauren Hughes

perfect is the enemy of good,” so don't agonize about getting it exactly right! You can always go back and edit, maybe even get a second pair of eyes on the manuscript

6. Don’t start at the beginning:

the most intimidating part of writing is the start, when you have a whole empty book to fill with coherent words

instead of starting with the chronological beginning of whatever it is you’re trying to write, dive into middle, or wherever you feel confident

7. Take a shower:

Have you ever noticed that the best ideas tend to arrive while in the shower, or while doing other “mindless” tasks?

research shows that when you’re doing something monotonous (such as showering, walking, or cleaning), your brain goes on autopilot, leaving your unconscious free to wander without logic-driven restrictions

showering is my favourite thing to do if I may add

8. Balance your inner critic:

successful writers have in common is the ability to hear their inner critic, respectfully acknowledge its points, and move forward

You don't need to completely ignore that critical voice, nor should you cower before it

you must establish a respectful, balanced relationship, so you can address what's necessary and skip over what's insecure and irrelevant

9. Switch up your tool:

a change of scenery can really help with writer's block. However, that scenery doesn't have to be your physical location — changing up your writing tool can be just as big a help!

if you’ve been typing on your word processor of choice, try switching to pen and paper. Or if you're just sick of Google Docs, consider using specialized novel writing software.

10. Change your POV:

great advice from editor Lauren Hughes: “When blocked, try to see your story from another perspective ‘in the room’ to help yourself move beyond the block. How might a minor character narrate the scene if they were witnessing it? A ‘fly on the wall’ or another inanimate object?

11. Exercise your creative muscles:

Any skill requires practice if you want to improve, and writing is no different! So if you’re feeling stuck, perhaps it’s time for a strengthening scribble-session to bolster your abilities

12. Map out your story:

If your story has stopped chugging along, help it pick up steam by taking a more structured approach — specifically, by writing an outline

13. Write something else:

Though it's important to try and push through writer's block with what you're actually working on, sometimes it's simply impossible

feel free to push your current piece to the side for now and write something new

14. Work on your characters:

It follows that if your characters are not clearly defined, you’re more likely to run into writer’s block

15. Stop writing for readers:

write for yourself, not your potential readers

this will help you reclaim the joy of being creative and get you back in touch with what matters: the story.

this is something I really need to do. because of my etsy business i don't write for fun anymore, but instead as a business and a deadline. i'm going to have to pull out my old crappy wattled fanfics or write some new ones.

16. Try a more visual process:

when words fail you, forget them and get visual. Create mind maps, drawings, Lego structures — ideally related to your story, but whatever unblocks your mind!

17. Look for the root of it:

writer’s block often comes from a problem deeper than simple “lack of inspiration.” So let's dig deep: why are you really blocked? Ask yourself the following questions:

Do I feel pressure to succeed and/or competition with other writers?

Have I lost sight of what my story is about, or interest in where it's going?

Do I lack confidence in my own abilities, even if I've written plenty before?

Have I not written for so long that I feel intimidated by the mere act?

Am I simply feeling tired and run-down?

once you identify what's wrong, it'll be so much easier to fix.

18. Quit the Internet:

If willpower isn’t your strong suit and your biggest challenge is staying focused, try a site blocker like Freedom or an app like Cold Turkey

19. Let the words find you:

meditate, go for a walk, take that shower

Word Palette is a great app that features a keyboard of random words, allowing you to simply click your way to your next masterpiece.

You can also try AI auto-completers like Talk to Transformer, where you can enter a phrase and let the app “guess what comes next.”

even though they often produce nonsense, it's a great way to help that writer's block.

20. Write like Hemingway:

And if your biggest block is your own self-doubt about your prose, Hemingway offers suggestions to improve your writing as you go

it's a pretty cool app if you ask me.

it highlights your sentences (if need be) and makes suggestions on how to improve them!

well, there you have it! a lengthy post on how to fight writer's block. now i just hope i can combat my own soon.

like, comment and reblog if you find this useful! feel free to reblog in instagram and tag me perpetualstories

Follow me on instagram and tumblr for more writing and grammar tips and more!

[zutaraplatter]

Avatar: The Last Airbender Critique

There are already a million of posts like this one, and I might be saying things that’ve already been said a million times but I’ve recently become reheated about the ATLA ending and wanted to let it out -_- No one asked, this is true, and this may or may not be a way to stall from this final project I still have to complete, but here’s 10 things I didn't like and/or would change about the show that likely shouldn’t need changing because they should have been done in the first place.

1. Katara should have apologized to Sokka after TSR

It should have happened and it didn't. In my canon-avoiding mind, Katara and Sokka have a heartfelt conversation where she apologizes for the awful things she said, Sokka says he forgives her and he's sorry if he wasn't as there for her as much as he should have been, which he follows up with "but I'm happy you listened to Aang and took his advice," leading into my next point

2. Katara should have said that not killing Yon Rha was her choice

And thats why it was the right one. Not because Aang already said it was wrong. No no. It was the right choice because that's what she chose. I love my mom to death and can't imagine losing her in any way, let alone the way Katara did. And I can't say for sure that if I was in her shoes that I know what I would have done f that yes I do I would have killed that motherfucker. But I also know that if Katara decided not to kill him, then that was one of two correct choices because they were Katara's choices to make. Not Aang's or anyone else's and this should have been clarified. I know it's a kids show but I said what I said. Next point.

3. Katara should have said more after telling Aang she was unsure at the Ember Island Players

Katara hasn't had any trouble saying how she feels, especially when it comes to helping others and making them feel better, whether she was right or wrong. But she holds back or overly softens blows and seems to even shrivel up at times when it comes to Aang. And me no likey. I had a boyfriend who I adored and admired and just genuinely looked up to. I'm also a shy and anxious person who hates confrontation, but because I loved him, I never refrained from telling him when he was wrong. I might have been a little shaky about it but I did it tho because when you want to be with someone you walk through the grass and stomp through the mud. And I personally feel like either in that moment or later on in an added scene that Katara should have voiced to Aang how unheard and disrespected she felt about his words before TSR and his actions on the balcony. I hate being uncomfortable and my secondhand embarrassment is toxic but I would love to see a scene of this. I always imagined Katara saying stuff like "But I'm not you Aang, and I'm not an Air Nomad," or "Zuko could understand why I needed to go, and I'd hoped you would too," or...I'm out of ideas but you get the idea. And you know what, I know I'm a hard Zutara shipper, but them having this conversation would honestly make me respect their relationship a whole lot more should it be believably written to end on a good note (I don't see how it could be but hey I'm an open minded person and I did think they were cute together once upon a time). Basically, all I'm saying is that Katara is no small voice and she should have been written that way when with Aang. Boyfriends can make you shy but should never make you weak. Period. Next point.

4. No rock! ONLY GROWTH!!!!!!!!!!!

I still squint my eyes whenever I remember that rock that unblocked Aang's chakra. What even was that? The laziest writing possible in my opinion. That's what. And Aang deserved better. What should have happened should have been that Aang started to lose to Ozai. And then as Ozai's about to deliver the finishing blow, Aang has flashbacks of everyone he's trying to save and honor, ending with a very prominent flashback of Katara with the guru's disembodied voice reminding Aang to let go of his attachments to become all he needs to be...then BOOM! Baby boy is back on his feet, chakra unblocked, he kicks Ozai's ass, I'm crying hysterically on the floor, as are the rest of us, and he wins. Then at the end of the series, instead of a kiss, he gives Katara an apology. She accepts, everyone else comes to join them on the balcony, cinematic group hug, camera pan into the sun. I don't know lol. Basically what I'm saying is that Aang did not deserve some deus ex machina. He deserved to grow and become his best self like everyone else got to.

5. Aang should have heard differently in The Storm

Katara is a very fate-minded person and this is when I saw potential for her to become a toxic character in regards to Aang. When he admits that he ran away from home 100 years ago, Katara tells him that that was basically a good thing because he was meant to be here and now. Like...no? What Aang did, though understandable for someone so young, was still wrong. Yes he would have maybe been killed but I'm like 10000000% sure they had a plan to protect and evacuate the literal avatar. And what was technically "meant to be" was a new avatar. But hey, what's done is done and kicking Aang while he's down is a no-no in this household. But that doesn't change the fact that Aang needed and deserved honesty. Maybe the fisherman could have said this, I don't know, but I feel like Aang should have been told by someone that although running away was wrong, it's a blessing he and Appa were able to survive and be able to help save the world now with his amazing friends found-family. Maybe this is too harsh, and maybe even outright wrong, but I felt like Aang deserved a truer answer here to support and comfort him.

6. MAILEE!!!!

Do I even need to go into detail?

7. Spiritual sigh*

Don't make me go into detail -_- I will say though that although Aang and Katara are both amazing individuals capable of earth shattering things, they were not a healthy fit for one another. This is evident in the original series and especially in their children from LOK. They both deserved the best but better than one another.

8. ZUTARAAAAAAA

This is a Zutara blog you KNEW this was coming, as it should. There's just too much. There's too damn much. I would give a real paragraph to this too, but, I mean, there's already so much proving that this was the pair. Fics, metas, rants, this site. Scroll through my blog or any of the ATLA related blogs I follow and...dude. These two were meant to be together and I'll mourn the narrative brilliance WASTED for no good reason every day for the rest of my life. No reason these two shouldn't be married with three kids. sob. I will take this part to say thank you to the amazing fic writers that gave Katara, Zuko, Mai, and Aang what they deserved that the writers didn't have the guts to give them themselves. Next point tho.

9. AANG AND ONJI

Good God almighty. Why not this? WHY NOT THIS? I'm putting on my bullet proof vest and I'm going to say this; Aanji is cuter than Zutara. Now before you scorn me or whatever, let me explain. Zutara for me is like steak. No. Chicken parmesan. I like chicken parmesan better. The point though is that Zutara is savory. You know? I don't see them as cute, I see them as Obviously. Aanji on the other hand is like a bag of my favorite candy. They are like a brownie. A cookie. Girl Scout Samoas!...I don't know what words are anymore. This post got way out of hand. I guess what I'm saying is that for Zutara, I scream, but for Aanji, I squeal. I hope that makes sense. But here's the main point I want to make. Onji never knew who Aang really was. And Aang was always, at his core, himself. She very obviously had a crush on Aang for his personality and that was crazy cute and frankly preferable to Katara's "I...guess he is." (you know exactly what I'm talking about) Anyway, I kept wanting more of them together. I wish all the time that we'd gotten to see her again, with a more fleshed out character and all. And in the way that I imagine the show should have gone, she could have been the perfect love interest for Aang, during this episode or way later, even in the comics! Another WASTED opportunity for greatness and I will, again, never recover T-T

10. Iroh get your ass back here

Maybe this is a misguided critique but I hated that Iroh just left Zuko alone in the fire nation at the end of the series. Baby was in trouble in every sense of the word and Iroh was just like "See ya! You got this nephew." I'm expected to believe that? I'm expected to accept that? No no no. He should have at least stayed for a few years to help Zuko stay upright and, you know, alive. And by "upright" I don't mean "good." I just mean been there to support him because Lord knows he needed it, at least in the beginning of his reign. It was cute that Iroh was able to settle down with his own teashop after all those years of violence and mourning and running and this and that. I was more than happy for him for being able to have that peace finally. But I still think it could have waited a little while longer so he could support Zuko.

That's it I guess. I know not everything I've said makes the most sense in one way or another, but I enjoyed putting it together all the same. Thank you for reading and have a great day. I'll go finish my final now.

(Edited for a typo)

[kpop-uni]

Through the Lens // Six

Christian YuxYoutuber!Reader Words: 3.2K A/N: AN UPDATE? OUT OF THE BLUE? Yes! I’m so sorry I made you guys wait so long but my mental health was just so bad. But I recently started redoing my life, cleaning my room and I’m even taking a well deserved vacation to California next month so I’m doing better! Enough about this though, enjoy the chapter guys!

Chapter Five // Chapter Seven (CS)

A plan formed between the four men. Christian was to go to you, see you at your favorite restaurant and apologize for everything. It was an easy plan that guaranteed the two of you to talk again. But when Christian bought the tickets and packed his things, you let Scott know that you moved cities. So, it was back to square one.

Couple weeks later, Christian finally realized that you unblocked him on social media. 

Christian had woken up to get a drink, phone in his pocket as he sat on the counter, glass cup in hand as he closed his eyes. He was still full of sleep, swaying as sleep tried to take his body away. The vibration from his pocket made him wake up a bit, finishing his drink and hopping off the counter. As he set the cup in the sink, pulling his phone out, Christian woke up, phone almost falling out of his hand.

He waited as the post loaded, trying to blink the sleep away before settling on rubbing his eyes. Finally looking at the loaded post, Christian smiled

ynissamood: I know you guys are excited for the series to be released but I promise that once the project is released and I get the okay, you guys get to enjoy this! Miss you goofballs~ xoxo

The photo was one where you were sitting on a table, Scott directly behind you as he grinned into the camera. Gyungmo had his bucket hat over his eyes and gave a hand gesture as John gave a peace sign next to him, and Cline, as always, looked at the camera with all seriousness. Christian was on your other side, sitting right next to you with his arms crossed as he gave the camera a smile.

Christian started with a simple hello, thinking twice before erasing it and trying again. He stared at his screen, tilting his head as he thought of what was the appropriate ice breaker. As he continued to beat himself up, Christian gave up and wrote what he thought was best and pressed sent.

You looked over at the ping from your phone, seeing an Instagram notification. You barely paid attention as you unlocked your phone, eyes focused on the TV screen in front of you, the movie that was on was too good. But you finally focused on your phone and felt shocked at the message.

You blocked Christian after everything happened between you both, knowing fully well that he wanted nothing to do with you. So of course, it seemed out of the blue that he messaged you with a simple hey, one that you clearly had no way on figuring out what it could mean.

You hesitated on answering, not knowing exactly what to say so you instead opted for a more simple and easier solution: exiting the app and ignoring him.

Christian couldn't sleep for the rest of the night, tossing and turning as he thought about checking his phone. He didn't want to seem too eager, trying his best to make time pass by so he can check the message later but the ticking of the wall clock only made his curiosity grow. Finally, with a snatch, Christian took the phone, seeing no notification and he figured you were busy.

"So instead of thinking that she ignored you, you thought she was busy?"

Gyungmo looked at the simple message that Christian sent, showing in fact that you left him on read. Scott's laughter made Christian look away, trying to hide his embarrassment. "You're too whipped," Gyungmo chuckled, Christian taking his phone back.

"Leave me the hell alone, okay? A guy could hope," Christian rolled his eyes, going back to his laptop and going back to work.

The new album and the music video were done. The release date was set and all that was left was for the gang to post it. And, once again, Christian sent you another message.

You shared the post from the DPR page on your Instagram story, accompanied by the eyes emoji and the clapping hands. You felt bad leave Christian on read the first time, not liking it one bit but you worried that he wanted to start trouble again. So you ignored his second message, only saying hello.

Christian sat on his couch, laptop in front of him and music playing when his phone lit up, showing that you were live.

You laid on your bed, phone resting against your pillows as you laughed at a comment Christian seemed to miss, but he couldn't take his eyes off you. You had cut your hair, and freshly dyed it to a dark blue color, complimenting you very well.

"Yeah, I decided it was time for a new change," You gently touched your hair, eyes skimming the comments. "I bought myself new clothes, but then I decided to just take it a step further and changed my hair."

Christian saw a comment from Gyungmo pop up making you smile.

dprcream: new hair? let's match

"Dye your hair blue so I know what we have it real," You giggled, moving your arm to rest your head on it. You continued to read the comments, smiling at some and answering them. Christian bit his lip, getting nervous as he got an idea and began to type sending his message.

dprian: Nice hair!  dprian: Lori misses you. She says hi

You stayed quiet, Christian beginning to think you ignored him before you let out a smile, humming softly. "Tell Lori I miss her much more. I wanna see her again," Christian felt his heart flutter, finally getting a response from you and trying his luck again.

dprian: Come over soon, it's not the same in the building without you

You read the message, your lips curving up into a smile at the comment. Maybe it was for show, hiding the fact that an argument between the two of you happened and for you, it was okay. After all, the fans didn't need to get involved. "I'll try to go soon, but if you guys find yourselves around my parts, let me know."

You answered people's questions and talked about upcoming projects before bidding everyone a good night, blowing kisses right as the live shut off. Christian set his phone down, thinking about the live when his phone pinged, making him look at it. He was surprised to see your name on the Instagram notification, going into the messages to see what you had sent.

ynissamood: Listen, you probably did that as a way for people not to suspect what happened between us and that's okay, but please stop sending me messages. I unblocked you so people wouldn't get the wrong idea. I'm sorry for what happened between us, but this is your fault too.

Christian read the message over and over again before he let out a breath, not able to believe what he read. He knew this was his fault too, and he was trying to fix it but it seemed you didn't want that. And, to be frank, Christian had no one to blame but himself.

"Damn, your fucked up big time," Scott shook his head, giving Christian his phone back.

"So what do I do?" Christian asked, dropping the phone on the table in front of him. "How do I apologize for being an absolute asshole?"

"I mean, by doing it ," Scott shrugged, crossing his arms. "Tell her you're sorry and you want to start over."

Christian knew it was his fault too, and if he had to be honest, he knew that it was only his fault. After all, he couldn't blame you for how you felt, this was all on him. And he wanted to fix it as soon as he could. He wanted to go back to the way you both were, comfortable around each other, laughing and enjoying the company like no one's business. But, he had to cross this bridge in order to get there.

Christian stared at his phone that night, biting his lip and messing around with his hair before going into the messages and sending one over.

dprian: Listen, I'm sorry too. I know what I did was out of line but I want to start over. Can we talk? Like over the phone?

It had been over three days since the message was sent and you haven't even opened the message. It wasn't like you weren't online, because you were, but you just didn't open the message. So, Christian decided that he would let you be for a bit before he tried again.

A couple more days passed, the gang finishing the last bit of touches for the release when Gyungmo noticed the notification of a new video from you. He knew Scott had to have been watching it by now so Gyungmo went off to watch the video.

Scott sat on his chair, watching as you messed with a bag, sighing.

"I don't know how to explain it but it's just... an ugly feeling. Like when you're trying your best to draw something but it doesn't come out like you want it to... kind of like that," You played with the drawstring on the bag a bit more, biting your lip before the video cut. 

It was a brief moment of you looking out the window, shutting it quickly and yelping when the delivery man spotted you. "I hope he's not judging me... I ordered like 5 large fries..."

"I think I'm gonna take a break from social media for a bit..." The video cut right back to you, sitting at the end of your bed. Legs now crossed as you gave the camera a soft smile. "I'll still post the series and give you guys a heads up but that's about it for me. I just want to take a breather," With one final wave and with a kiss, the video went black.

You smiled at the text from Scott that came in, giving him a call and hearing it ring before his voice was heard. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

You giggle a bit, taking a seat on your bed. "I'm okay, I just need a break from social media, don't worry much about me."

"Hey, have you heard from y/n?" Gyungmo walked into Scott's studio, Scott flinching a bit from being startled. You laughed as you heard the two argue, Scott trying to explain to him that you were fine while Gyungmo tried to take the phone.

"Do you need me to go over? I'll go right now," Gyungmo laughed as he heard your laughter.

He was about to grab the phone when Scott yanked it away, laughing. You laid on your bed, feeling better when another voice caught your attention. You could hear Christian ask what was going on, Scott answering.

"Hey, we'll call you back, okay?" You knew Gyungmo was doing this for you, knowing that you didn't want to talk to Christian but you let out a breath.

You had to face him one day, and this seemed like a better time, even though you preferred much later. So, as you sat up in bed, you took in a breath, shaking your head. "Lemme talk to him, please?"

"You sure?" Gyungmo turned to Christian who gave him a curious look, Gyungmo hearing you assure him. With some hesitation, Gyungmo handed the phone over to Christian, who stared at it for a bit before taking it.

"Hello?"

You stayed quiet for a bit, biting your tongue before gulping your nerves. "Hey, it's me,"

Christian froze at your voice, looking at Gyungmo and Scott who watched him. Christian hummed, walking out of the room and heading to his studio, and closing the door behind him, locking it in case that Scott or Gyungmo tried to go after him. "Hey, you okay?"

"Yeah, I just need a break from social media... It's getting to be too much," You played with the end of you hair, letting your hand fall to your bed. "How have you been?"

"You know, working and all that," Christian sat on his chair, listening to a bit of rustling on your side.

It was quiet between the two of you, and awkward silence filing you the air. "I'm sorry for being an asshole, I was just mad at you,"

"No, it's okay... I didn't know you had a girlfriend and honestly I was an asshole about it too since I was so hurt about it..." You confessed, hands gripping your shirt.

"Chaeyoung isn't my girlfriend, well, she was never my girlfriend." Your eyebrows furrowed, staying quiet to hear him correctly. "I mean- yeah I dated her, but really it was only for the fact that I wanted to make you jealous. I thought you and Scott were dating." Christian's voice got low, letting you process his confession.

"Wait, you thought that Scott and I...?"

"Yeah, so..." Christian sighed, letting his head fall to his free hand. "I knew Chaeyoung liked me and I used her to get back at you. I figured that eventually I'd forget about you and return the feelings for Chaeyoung but I never did." Christian could hear your breathing, but other than that, it was nothing but silence. "Listen, I'm sorry and I know I was an asshole about it..." Christian trailed off, hearing you giggle before your laughter.

"Wow... and here I thought you were mad at me for kissing you when you had a girlfriend... you really are an asshole,"

Christian let out a breath, laughing along and shaking his head, feeling the weight of anxiety leave him. "I'm so sorry,"

"It's fine, but please tell me Chaeyoung knows and you're still not leading her on or I'll kick you ass,"

"No, she knows. She broke up with me that day in the studio," Christian laughed, his hand moving from covering his face to holding his chin. "I really like you, I still do,"

Your laughter died down, butterflies in your stomach erupting as you whined into the phone. "Don't start acting cute just because we confessed to each other, I'm still mad at you and I'm still going to ignore you,"

Christian couldn't help the laugh that came up and nodded, leaning back into his chair. "Fine, fine... I have to go but I'll text you later?"

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head but smiling. "You better," 

With much anticipation, the album was released and all that was left was your project. You logged into Instagram and quickly uploaded a clip of the first part.

The video was just a black screen, a bit of rustling before you spoke. "So, what inspires you?" There was more rustling and mindless piano playing before Gyungmo began talking.

"Inspiration comes from everywhere,"

The video was posted with the caption of a date, fans immediately excited and you logged back out of Instagram, going back to your task of cooking. You heard the ping of your phone and you finished chopping the vegetables before checking it.

Ian 12:31 PM: You tease Ian 12:31 PM: Of course you would post a black screen with just audio

You laughed at the text, hitting the call button and waiting as the call rang, placing it on speaker. Hearing Christian answer, a quick hello filling the kitchen.

“You busy?”

“For you? Never.” Christian leaned back into his chair, ignoring his task of editing his new project and focusing fully on you.

You began cooking the vegetables for the food, bringing the phone closer. “I need to talk to you about the upcoming part of the video, the last time we talked about it you were a bit of an-“

“Yeah I know,” Christian laughed, cutting you off. “I trust you, plus you made plenty of notes on what to hide and all that.” You smiled, butterflies appearing at how Christian remembered how you made notes for every piece of video you recorded.

“You sure? I can send it when I finish so you can look over it.”

“No, I trust you.”

The conversation continued as you cooked and Christian clicked around his computer. You pouted when he didn’t tell you about his project, dramatically sighing and complaining before laughing as Christian mocked you.

"Just know that it's something I haven't done in a real long time." Christian laughed at your groan, knowing you were never going to guess about him recording his own song.

“Hey, can I say something?" You set your plate down on the kitchen table, transferring the bit of leftovers to a bowl which you knew it was bound to get eaten when your friend arrived.

"Sure," Christian had picked up his task during the call, only clicking around, doing small things that didn't need his full attention. But he stopped working on his project, waiting for you as you continued. He heard the bit of shuffling on your end, knowing fully well that you were hesitating on saying something.

"I'm sorry, about everything. I'm sorry I treated you and Chaeyoung so bad, and I know that you're going to say that it wasn't my fault but I shouldn't have done that to her. She's a nice girl and I feel really bad. But it hurt really bad and I didn't know how to deal with that pain."

Christian was at a lost for words, his brain running a mile minute as he processed your words. He knew how nice you were, but it never occurred to him how you must have felt being so cold toward him and Chaeyoung. And yeah, it wasn't intentional, but still, he knew you must have felt so bad.

"Christian-"

"God I love you,"

It took Christian exactly six seconds to fully understand what had just happened. You were frozen in place, the confession being so sudden and almost uncalled for.

"Oh shit, shit, wait. Please I didn't- I mean I did but... fuck I'm so sorry-" With a click, the line was cut, and like that, Christian's panicked. He called you again and again, the line ringing until voicemail was hit. Finally, on the fifth call, there was no ringing, voicemail answered right away.

With desperation, Christian rushed out of his studio and into Scott's. With no sign of anyone, Christian rushed downstairs only to crash into Cline. "What are you doing?" Cline practically screamed as Christian began to pat him down. Cline tried backing away until Christian pinned him down, taking Cline's phone out of his pocket. 

"Unlock it! Hurry up!" Cline, now scared, took the phone back and unlocked it with shaky hands. Christian yanked the phone out of Cline's hands, searching up your name and calling you. 

The phone rang a few times before it stopped mid-ring. "Cline, can I call you back?"

"Please, listen to me-"

"Christian, just... I need to think,"

You were shocked, confused but definitely not expecting that. I mean, yeah, you expected that, but not this soon. You wanted time to think and time to build what you had with Christian. 

So there you stood, staring at the kitchen counter as Christian's words bouncing around in your head. When you snapped back, you looked at your phone, seeing missed calls from Christian. Your phone froze for a second when Cline's call came in, making you sigh. 

At the sound of Christian's voice though, your eyes widened. 

"Please, just..." Christian was lost for words, the silence on your end making his mind run fast with endless amounts of scenarios on how wrong this was all going. “I’m sorry, I know we’re starting over but-”

"Ian..." The sound of the name you called him made Christian stop talking, freezing to hear you say it again. "It's fine. It was sudden but... This is moving too fast. Just... let me breathe."

And with a final click, the dial tone replaced your voice.

[boymeetsparadise]

masterlist

contains and mentions: female reader x jung hoseok/ female reader x kim taehyung.

>language, break ups, angst, anxiety, brief mention of a loved one’s passing, alcohol, children. exes to strangers au, (please let me know if i missed anything)

Word count: 2k

an: i had the sad music playing, its one of those moments.. this came to mind and hopefully you all enjoy! angsty hobi? tragic but sign me up! (◠‿◠)

listened to while writting: 2 soon - keshi

A weary sigh left your lips as you toed off your shoes, a soft nudge to close off the door as your hair fell down your back from having been up all day. A late night at work and you finally had the weekend to look forward to, it dawned that your energy wasn’t the same as before. You worked from home most of the time unless it was a big project or a mistake had been made, then you’d spend hours away from home. Rare but dreaded. 

The small apartment was quiet as the soft patting of your tired feet on the wooden floors brought back life. Bag set on the dining table, you looked over into the kitchen as the under cabinet stove hood glowed into the dark home, leftovers waiting. You opted to eat it at room temperature, trying to keep the silence aside from the soft drags of cutlery.  Washing dishes could wait until the morning as you made sure the windows were properly locked around your home. 

The soft thuds of clothes hit the floor before you let out another sigh. Arms around yourself, massaging your sore neck before changing and letting the soft, cool material of your pajamas welcome you even further. Doors and wooden floor panels softly creaked before you slid into bed, another sigh as you stared at the ceiling, dinner finally settling. You reached over to your phone on the nightstand, mindlessly scrolling through your social media. Looks like a high school acquaintance got married, double-tap, and type out a quick congratulations with excessive emojis. Your cousin posted a selfie and she looks breathtaking, double-tap, and comment that you miss her. You continued for a few more posts, catching up on the people around you. A tired yawn and you were giving in to sleep. A small stretch and click of the phone, you turned over, a small smile on your lips. 

Only a couple minutes in before your eyes shot right open. Your phone was on low volume but the vibrations had it motoring across the small table. Probably a late-night telemarketer as you couldn’t quite recognize the phone number. A spam risk? You pressed the accept button, whispers ready. 

“Hello?” There was a small gasp.

“[Y/n]” and then a small sigh of relief.

You sat up in bed immediately, shock and confusion written all over your face.

“Hoseok?” You whispered, questioning whether or not it was really the voice. 

“Yes!” He sighed, “It’s me..” He bit his bottom lip as his index finger mindlessly circles the finish of the glass bottle. To him, it felt so good to hear your voice again and he thanked his angels above for remembering your number. 

You sat up in bed, wide awake with a sudden pang in your heart. Silence followed as you tried to find the words to say. There wasn’t any- so serious yet awkward as it used to be so easy to talk to one another.

“Long time huh?” Hoseok let out a nervous chuckle as he adjusted his phone. “How have you been?”

“I’ve been..” You paused, and quickly pulled away to glance at the time, what was going on? “It’s two a.m, why?” 

“It’s late I know. But I just had to call. I had to just hear your voice again.” He pleaded. You rolled your eyes, he wouldn’t know that though. 

“But why?”

“Can’t I just call to catch up?” He played casually.

“No.” You snapped at his attempt as your mind began to wander at his intentions. 

“I couldn’t sleep. I thought I should call you.” He confessed.

“It’s been-”

“I know how long it’s been.” He cut you off. “But you were always the best remedy.” 

You sighed, his words sending another chill down your spine.

“I tried to hard to find your number, I thought you would’ve changed it.” Silence. “Relieved that I’m not blocked.” He tried to chuckle but failed awkwardly. You don’t tell him that you just unblocked his number about a year ago because the missing contact name confused you. 

“Let’s just talk.” He licked his lips, adjusting in his seat. “How are you? How’s your dad?” He tried, hands shaky. 

“He passed last November.” You deadpanned.

“Oh…” Hoseok felt a wave of guilt. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too.” You’ve missed a lot Jung Hoseok.

Another moment of silence followed. 

“...Cut to the chase Hoseok” You ran your free hand through your hair again, looking over your shoulder, “Why’d you call?”

“I think you know why [Y/n]..”

“ I don’t know anymore.” You paused. “You don’t call someone up at two am after you haven’t been able to do so for over three years.” 

“I’ve missed you. And I’ve realized how much of an idiot I am.” He played with the bottle some more.

“You had three years Hoseok.” You stared off into the distance of your dimly lit room, the moon shining in through a small crack in the curtains. 

“And I regret not calling sooner.” He let his head fall, tears burning his eyes.

“Have you been drinking Hoseok?” 

“Would that matter?” He cocked a brow.

“Considering you could never be honest with me when sober, yes.” For a moment you felt like you had gone back in time, a younger you picking up the phone because she had yet another fight with her boyfriend and he called to apologize like always. At three am as his lips slurred the truths he wished he would say while sober, but you knew that already.

You’d believe every word and then he would stumble to your place, pebbles at your window before you let him in, embracing each other as you sat on your roof, looking at the sky.

“I’ve changed.” He rubbed his eyes, drunk sincerity in every word he spoke. “So much.” He sighed. “And I’ll never be sorry enough on that it took me so long to do so.”

“It shouldn’t have taken years.” You shook your head. “I’m sorry but I don’t see the point in tonight’s-”

“Can I come see you?” His voice was shaky. “Just this once, please? I have so much I want to say.” Another desperate sigh, “And I want to do this face to face.”

“Hobi-” You shuttered from letting his old nickname slip.

“You still stay in the same place right? I’ll be there in 15.” He downed a prepared shot, eyes wandering for his jacket- ready to head out. You took a deep breath, a soft cry could be heard across the hall.

“Hoseok stop.” You swung your legs off the edge of the bed, the anxiety making you fidget. 

“Let me stay the night. I’ll leave in the morning, I swear.”  He tried to convince you and himself, his mind blocking out sounds that weren’t you. “Just let me be in the same space as you. Please?”

“You had time Hoseok.” Pity in your tone, you continued, “You won’t remember this in the morning.” Too distracted to feel the movement on the other side.

“I can come by in the morning if I can’t right now... How does nine am sound?” He bit the inside of his cheek, avoiding your pleads. “Would that be fine?’

“Listen-” 

 “I can pick up your favorite muffins and we can talk over some coffee-” Hoseok tried.

“Hoseok.” You repeated, tears ready to slip at any moment as he heard the crack in your voice, his heart breaking with it. 

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you. Trust me I tried so hard to forget. To move on. But I couldn’t. I can’t.” Another heavy sigh. 

“Stop it.”

“Just a bit of time, please. I know it isn’t fair of me to ask this of you. I’ll always be that selfish but I can’t help it. I have to ask for more. I’m sorry.”

“You missed so much. I’ve-”

“Please. At least let me see you for the last time.”

“Three years.” You reminded him, it hurt so bad. 

“I know.”

Another silence. Memories of you two flashed in your mind. Moments of joy and love now hurt so much, pushed away to the depths of your mind, buried underneath new ones.

“I have to go.” 

“Please don’t hang up.” His voice broke.

“I have to. Please don’t call again.”

“I’ll call every day. I’m serious.” He spoke, his free hand rubbing at his burning eyes. “I want another try at us. I’m tired of the games I played. I’ve changed and I’ll prove that [Y/n].”

“Don’t do this.”

“Don’t you love me anymore?” Hoseok’s vision went blurry. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, true love will always come back to one another.” He tried to reason as the grip on his phone tightened.

“I don’t love you anymore.” You jumped right in, cutting him off from rambling any further, teeth clenched. “Don’t start spewing your bullshit when you’re the one who walked out on me Hoseok. We could’ve had it all but you fucked up. I got tired of waiting and hoping. Obviously this isn’t true love if it took you this long to realize. I found my happiness Hoseok.” 

You were bitter. Fed up. You sat, heavy breathing, the man who once gave you butterflies was now asking for pity and forgiveness as if that wasn’t a constant in your time together.

“You don’t mean that.” Hoseok pleaded. “Please.”

“I do and you’re drunk Hoseok. Bye.”

“[Y/n]-” 

“You’ll find someone one day, and you’ll thank me for this.” Your eyes fluttered shut as you pulled the phone away. 

Hoseok’s lip started to quiver, his calls were always enough and now you were here ready to hang it up for good. 

“Baby?” 

Hoseok raised his brows, eyes wide with confusion. Was there someone with you? Should he hang up? 

“Sorry love, I tried my best to put them back down to bed but I think someone misses their mommy.” Your lover pouted as he made his way over to you. He avoided mentioning he’s been awake since he heard you come home, the muffles of the other line peaking his interest.

Hoseok let his tears fall like an overflowing sink. He recognized that voice. The voice of someone he once considered an old friend, now calling you baby. Did you have a child?

“It’s fine.” You took your head with a slight grin, taking the infant in your arms as he sat down next to you. The smalls cries halted as they recognized your motherly scent. “Why hello little one.” You coo’ed, finger softly stroking the tiny plump cheek.

“Did you miss me?” Your face lit up with joy as the tiny infant stared back at you, mouth round as they let out soft coos.

“Wow that’s so interesting, tell me more!’ You smiled as Taehyung sat right next to you stretching to see the interaction between you and his child, heart bursting.

Hoseok listened to the entire conversation, a pain in his chest. Your voice full of love and excitement. You meant what you said. You had found your happiness. 

Taehyung looked over to your phone, forgotten on the bed, the screen lighting up momentarily- Hoseok hung up. He sighed, relief washing over him. Hopefully- he heard everything. “I’m so proud of you.” He softly spoke against your temple, inhaling your perfume and leaving a small kiss. 

“For what?” You knitted your brows before looking back at the child in your arms.

“Everything you do.” He smiled, not ready to admit to his eavesdropping. “You amaze me every day. You’re so strong and such an excellent friend, lover, mother, human being. I love you and our little family.” His eyes now teary as he looked down at your ring finger- the diamond still shining even in the dark. “I just think I should remind you any chance I get.” He shyly smiled before looking away. 

Heat spread across your cheeks as you stared at him for a good moment, taking in his appearance. His honey toned skin looked absolutely mesmerizing in the moonlight as his dark waves bounced with every movement. His hand came up to stoke your child’s hair before they enveloped his thumb in their small hand. The small interaction had you bursting at the seams. 

“I love you too.” You smiled before giving him a soft kiss, a smile on your face  now focused on the child before you. A very heavy sigh you didn’t even know you were holding escaped, happiness was this very moment.

“She...” [name] stared off into space, struggling for word, bringing the bottle to his lips. “How could he do this? ” He threw his head back, taking a swig. His best friend and the love of his life. The word ‘mommy’ rang through his head. 

She was right, a lot can happen in three years and he had just realized how long that time really was. He bit down on his lip, drawing blood. He hated himself completely as the bottle rested on his lips, another swig as it burned the fresh punctures. 

Silence filled the messy room, bottles and cigarette buds littered the floor as he looked through his photo gallery, fresh tears landing on an old photo he took of you. You both changed and this time the roads didn't cross. His phone calls always set everything right. He promised himself to call again one day. 

 “I may hate this now but I hope I find what you have [y/n]. Then maybe I’ll thank you.”

[writersplight]

sometimes life’s a bitch and then you keep living.

Connie remembered everything about that night.  It was raining, and it was late. About two in the morning. The car was stuffy, but he didn’t want to be anywhere else. His girlfriend and childhood friend, Sasha, was silent. It was weird, because she usually picked him up blasting music and having something to say. But tonight—that night—she had nothing to say to them. Usually the cliffside view was beautiful for a sunset, and they’d hold hands and laugh until they decided they were tired enough to go home. It would be hours at a time. Sometimes, they’d buy McDonald’s and rant about the world, sitting on the car hood with just each other. 

“School starts up again next week,” she started, quietly, her eyes on the wheel.  “Yeah. Spring break was not long enough—”  “It never is for you,” she snorts, and he rolls his eyes. She was right. No matter how long the break, Connie always complained about school. It’s not totally his fault that he feels stupid in every class he has; even the one he gets B’s in. Sasha wasn’t like that in all her classes, she excelled in science and math, and even though her mind was dead by the time she got to English, she still did well. Intellectually, she was superior. He didn’t mind—he was too preoccupied celebrating her academic achievements to compare himself to her.  “Yeah. I’m not a fan of—”  “It’s still raining. . .” It’s weird that he never got to finish his sentence. Maybe she was afraid he’d say something to make her stay. Not that he would have. “Nothing good ever happens when it rains.”  She started the car again, and Connie, who was trying to figure out why his heart was starting to sink, kept quiet. He was never quiet. He always had something to fill the silence with. He wanted to tell her about his parent’s divorce, but he couldn’t he couldn’t find the words. It wasn’t the time.  As they pulled up to his lawn, the rain started to come down harder, and everything finalized in his mind.  “Who is it?” he asked, quietly, finally getting his one sentence in. Sasha grips the steering wheel tightly, but she was glad he got the memo—they were breaking up. She already soft-blocked him from all her social media, but he wouldn’t know that until morning. “Niccolo,” she finally says, and he nods. He knows of him. Blonde VoTech student, succeeding in the culinary field. Of course that would win over the brunette—the way to her heart is through her stomach.  He swallowed dryly.  “See you at school?” he wouldn’t meet her eyes, hand on the car door.  “Oh, Connie. . .” her face got dark. She wouldn’t look at him. He was standing in front of her on his lawn. He doesn’t remember moving. “No.”  She drove off.  Connie spent the rest of freshman year, and all of sophomore year avoiding Sasha and her boyfriend. He’s never seen her happier, and he didn’t want to interrupt that. Despite, you know, wanting to be the cause of her happiness. He heard them laughing a lot. It was torturous.  He was always dizzy, and kept his hood up to prevent the bright lights from reaching his eyes. He was starting to find comfort in the darkness that once scared him. The unknown of it all really put him at ease. It did keep him up, though. Pros and cons.  “Connie!” Sasha finally caught up to him, midst of junior year, grabbing his arm so he wouldn’t run. The cars were starting to pull away around them, so she pulled him to her car. He kept his eyes on the asphalt ground.  “What’s going on, man? You’ve been avoiding me for so long! Marco, Jean, and I were trying to—”  The world turned red, and spun. Distantly, he questioned, “What?”  “Why have you been avoiding me?”  “Why?” he repeated, dumbfounded.  “Yeah,” she cocked her head to the side like he was confusing her. Shoving his hands in his pockets, his eyebrows furrow.  “Sasha. . . You broke up with me. What do you mean?”  “Yeah, but—”  “You blocked me on Instagram and Snap,” he pointed out, getting angrier. His hands were starting to shake. “You started avoiding me first!”  “Yeah, but. . .”  “Am I an asshole for returning the favor?”  “No, but I miss you.” she pouted, twiddling her fingers. That’s the last straw.  “Sasha, we’re not in middle school anymore! That pout won’t work. I’m sorry you missed me, but I’m not willing to let myself hang around and wait until it’s convenient for you to feel up to being my friend again. That’s not fair to me.” She was starting to get upset, he could see that. But he’s been upset for months upon months. It’s almost been two years.  “You’re so happy with Niccolo, then make friends with his friends. No need to involve me.”  “But. . . You’re my best friend, Connie,” she reaches for his hand, but he yanks his arm away.  “I was, wasn’t I?” he steps

back. “Well, everything must come to an end.”  “Wait!” she cried out, and he found himself waiting. It angered him that he was still willing to listen to her. He turned back to her, eyebrows raised. “How. . . How did you move on?”  “Move on?” he thought about, removing a hand from his pockets to fix his falling hood. “I didn’t. I probably won’t ever ‘move on’, but. . . I just take one step at a time. It’s all I can do.”  “I miss your company.”  Connie went silent, eyes on his beat up converse. The wind picked up. He didn’t have anything else to say. Sure, he missed his best friend, too, but it’s not like she unblocked him or truly made an effort. He shrugged, turning on his heel. There wasn’t much else he could do. He was so close to being roped back into her friend loop. He couldn’t do that to himself. He tried, at first, to make amends, but she always turned him down. Connie couldn’t keep waiting.  Connie spent a lot of his high school life working. He wanted to save up for something fun to do with friends. Marco and Jean offered not many ideas, but it hit the buzzcut teen when he was trying to sleep one night—a camp out. In the woods not too far behind his house. There’s this clearing he used to use that’s perfect.  He sent out a massive group text. That included: Jean, Marco, Annie, Bert, Reiner, Mikasa, Armin, Eren. . . His thumb hovered over Sasha’s contact. He frowned. He skipped over her, and sent the text. Despite it being one in the morning, everyone seemed on board. They spent the next hour finding a date. They decided upon July 12th, where they all had time to call out and arrange accordingly.  That date. . . In fifth grade, that’s when Connie asked Sasha out. They dated until freshman year. It was wild how the universe works. He agreed upon the date and marked it in his calendar.  After graduation, he continued working. He still had a few months before he was going away to college, and he still had the whole camp out to put together. He found himself hanging around Annie and Mikasa a lot. He didn’t expect them to be so hands on with the project, or into it at all—considering how they tended to not be huge talkers—but they were. It didn’t make sense to him, but he had fun organizing it with them.  It all came to him at the end of the night, after grilling hot dogs and hamburgers for dinner. He was sitting in a lawn chair, staring at the stars by himself, with this big dopey smile on his face. His hand was around his soda bottle. Annie and Mikasa pulled chairs up to sit with him.  “You seem happier than you’ve been in years,” Annie points out, handing him a bottle of root beer. He opens it for her, nodding along to what she said.  “Yeah. I am.”  “Does this mean you’re over Sasha?” Mikasa sends a glare to the blonde, and Connie finds himself laughing. It was funny how people still treated it like a sore subject.  “No. Yes? I’m able to talk about it, but it still hurts. It’s everything and nothing at all.” He adjusts himself in his chair. He bought a tent big enough for them all to lay in, and he managed to be assigned to the very girls sitting next to him. However, he was focused on the stars.  “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Mikasa settles on, not being too good with words. That’s something Annie and her shared—their difference was Mikasa had a heavy filter, where Annie’s filter was non-existent. She thought about her words heavily.  “Me too. It’s good to be hanging out with my friends again. I’m sorry for, you know, being shitty. I didn’t mean it.”  “It was a tough breakup. Don’t worry about those it doesn’t concern.” Annie advised, taking a swig of her soda.  “It does concern you guys, because you’re my friends and I wasn’t there for you. That’s how I see it, and I’m sorry. But, yes, it was tough. I tried to ignore it but. . . Well, there are some things you can’t avoid in life. I had to deal with it.” Connie explained, looking into his soda bottle. He’s glad he found his way out. He just got so tired being sad that he had a breakthrough. Some aren’t as lucky, but he was never the

forever-brooding type. He was much more comfortable as the clown of the group.  “And you’re better now for it,” Mikasa says softly, turning to him. She placed a hand over his, and Annie took his other hand. His face grew hot, but they all looked at the stars. There was comfortable silence between them. Slowly, Connie intertwined their hands together. In the distance, Jean and Eren could be heard bickering about trees. Weird topic for them, but it was normal.  “We both like you, Connie,” Annie finally said, “and we’d like to figure out what that means.”  His smile grew, finally tearing his eyes away from the stars. He looked between them, and found that they weren’t joking with him. He’d never think he’d go from dating, to sadly single, to being fine with being single, to possibly having two girlfriends. Life was crazy in that way.  “Okay,” he said, turning his direction to the stars. It got quiet again, but the conversation started back up when Connie mentioned he didn’t know how to piece together constellations—or something along those lines—but Annie did. She spent the hour before bed teaching them about how to find north, and some constellations that she could find. Mikasa, on the other hand, had a handful of knowledge about astrology, and told her lovers all about it as they turned in for the night. Connie was set in the middle, with his arms around both of them.  When college came around, it turns out that Annie was going up north. Mikasa and Connie were also going up north, but for a different college. They decided to buy a two bedroom apartment together and to just commute. It was weird to live with two girls prone to bickering, but Connie was always able to compromise. On top of that, they all were pretty good at communication between each other.  When Mikasa was feeling left out, she sent a text explaining herself the best she could, and her two lovers always figured out a way to make it up to her. Same with Annie. The blonde and black haired girls were always able to communication to Connie how they were feeling, and they genuinely listened to Connie when he spoke—especially if he cracked some stupid joke; they love his shitty humor. They loved him. He, of course, loved his two strong girlfriends, and never felt emasculated—he enjoyed watching them outlift in the gym, and was very encouraging.  He’s grateful for them, and couldn’t ask for better girlfriends.

[sevensoulmates]

Thoughts on the stuff Tim minear tweeted about Buddie today? Do you still think Buddie has a chance of being canon

I'm surprised Tim was being so responsive in the first place honestly. I know he answers questions occasionally but I think this is the first time he's expressed annoyance with the fans? idk. Anyway, he was talking about how engaging with hostile and rude fans on Twitter is counterproductive, which is true. It's a fact every public figure (and regular person) on the internet has to learn. I think this is his (and Oliver Stark's) first time having to deal with a large active fan base online for a show. Tim's worked on a lot of stuff in the past but none have been during the time where fan engagement on Twitter was a (big) thing. And I think this is an especially unique situation for them given that a lot of the hype is surrounding a ship. Modern fan culture is very very drawn to and hyperfocused on shipping. Especially if those ships are queer relationships. So to come into this project expecting the level of fan engagement to be more along the lines of what he's used to, and then to have massive waves of people aggresively coming at him over a fictional couple who is not even a couple (yet) is probably extremely jarring. He's also in the position where he's the SHOWRUNNER, he is literally the person who has most of the final say on what happens in the show (as opposed to Oliver Stark who has no control), so when he tweets things people take his word as the ultimate law. Which is why he has to be careful about his fan engagement (and why people impersonating him can have very serious consequences). 

So to very quickly recap what happened. A twitter account (I believe) changed their layout and name to be the exact same as Tim’s and was probably tweeting things as if they were him. Tim did not like the fact that someone was trying to impersonate him (rightfully) and said that he blocked and reported them (also, rightfully). They then apologized and he unblocked. He then said something (jokingly) along the lines that he wouldn’t mind if the impersonator wanted to shoulder the responsibility of receiving/answering all the questions about Buddie (and shouldering the massive amounts of hate he gets for buddie not being a current thing). And people began attacking him for that because they viewed it as him disrespecting their ship. (Why do people expect Oliver and Tim to not misinterpret their “jokes” but when they joke around fans suddenly can’t understand the tone of their jokes? Okay.) Another fan (respectfully) reached out to Tim and said that there are people who would like to respectfully engage with him about Buddie. Tim basically responded by saying he doesn’t think it’s possible to engage with hostile and aggressive fans OR respectful fans online (which makes sense given that it’s very easy to have what you say misinterpreted online) and that (typically) he chooses to ignore rather than engage (which is what most creators and actors do). He also said he doesn’t understand why people think their hostility would make him more inclined to do what they want (he’s right and he should say it just as other people have been saying for years and years (the spn fans on here are exhausted)). 

I think this is what most people latched onto as “oh no he’s never gonna make Buddie happen now”. But I think these people are (once again) choosing to read only what they want to read into it. He follows it up by saying he “doesn’t want have it seem like his knee-jerk reaction to rude fans online is influencing him in the other way (ie. NOT DOING BUDDIE) either”. It’s basically the exact same argument I made in this post that in this day and age of easily accessing creatives in historically fan-removed spaces, creators are encouraged to stay away from active engagement online and have dug in more to the concept of never letting the fans influence where they best feel the story should go. 

I don’t take what Tim was saying as confirmation he’s not going to go through with Buddie (in due time), because he literally just said that he’s not going to allow fan interactions (positive or negative) to influence what he and his writers choose to do with the story. And he’s not going to be interacting online anymore (once again, fair). It’s a privilege to be able to speak to someone in that far up a position of power over a narrative in the first place and the internet will never ever be a place where people will ever respect other people’s boundaries. It just won’t. This is not unique to this fandom (it’s not unique to fandoms in general) either. This internet is not and will never be a completely safe and respectful place.

So I will reiterate again. Whether Tim and the 911 writers/producers decide to make Buddie a thing or not is purely up to whether they believe it would be beneficial for the characters and the narrative they want to tell and NOT because of fans online.

[renaer-is-allegedly-hot]

session 17 notes

Time for lunch in the castle ward

Someone is yelling at us in the farmer's market place

We walk away

Adam rolls a nat20 to find a tavern

Mirt looks the same as always but he's dressed up more than we're used to

Mirt pays for us bc we're poor

It's like a café

"some of them laughing, in like a very upperclass way"

We are at the dragon's head

Old elf guy is there asking us to follow him as he takes us to the bag

Not much seating inside

Situated on a bluff, unblocked view of the sea

Pigeons have hatched, ugly

We're getting water

Where are we going

,,,,, home ?

Someone sent mirt a thing that said we were looking for the xanathar guild hq

Mirt said he can show us where the alleged entrance is

The shrimp is half celandine's size

We're talking abt someone who embezzled ??

Adam goes to yava

Confronts her abt telling laerl

Gives her his ukulele pick and says he might not come back next week

Asyna and celandine are

Going to meet jones

And get a goldfish

Shack on the outside but inside of apartment is richly furnished

Lots of goblins

Cel's talkin to jones

Jones has once use of dust of disappearance

"I can sing for the dust" asyna 2021, rolls 17 and persuades him

Sings baby by bustin bieber

Acquires dust

Y does everyone think we're gonna die

They're gonna go get goldfish now

Rolls nat20 for investigation

Theo goes to TYP

Talks to durnan

Asks if he knows anyone named lavinia

He's gone for a bit in the back

Comes back w a rlly big tome

Asks theo when

Apparently four months since they were separated

Durnan asks theo to describe her

Page covered w names dates n groups, pointed to group that dipped abt two months ago

Was there for a few days before (going down the well?)

Five companions with her

She's probably down there

They have not come back through this entrance

Typ is more like a front door

Gets names of other companions

Half-orc, tharos

Human, meer

Leila, halflin

Jauros, dwarf

Tha(y)ne, human

Says if she ever wants to investigate herself it's 5 gold

"I'd say you're ready"

Durnan went down a long time ago, suggests to bring a friend

Aerana goes to temple of knowledge

Big houses of worship for god of knowledge

Go to dragonborne lady, filing through papers and scrolls

Some records lent from the castle ward abt ruins and stuff abt tunnels there

Sheath of papers, investigation check of 12

Blueprints for what sewers originally looked like

When first conceived

Investigation, 18

Nothing particularly weird but diff testimonials from citywatch reporting weird things like gangs and monsters

You read that occasionally they find areas with strange layouts

Investigation check, 5

Ask if dragonborne knows of other places

Suggests speaking to city itself

She listed places in the sea ward

  Adam is looking for another teacher

Adam is acquainted with don as another teacher

Adam is buying smth

Shortbow

Jacob losese 150 gold n gives potion as collateral

Adam is racist

And sexist

And hates women

Accidentally talks to theo instead of cel

Got a gift, magic bow?

Cel has a present for theo

New cloak

Gives adam dirty cloak

Attuning to bow gives +2 to damage

.mirt is taking us through a few alleyways

Bureaucratic stuff

We come into enclosed doorway place to alley tha's been blocked off on the side of the street

Manhole cover in the ground]

Gives mirt wig

Aerana goes down after cel, refuge from rain

Down into sewer

Aerana jumps in, area looks like a fluke

Walls look like would contain larger passageway but they took section of sewer and blocked it off as separate room

Passageway with a doorway and stairs leading down

9 perception, can't hear too much other than dripping water

Aerana steps inside, gets sense of being watched, goes down stairs a little bit

Starts seeing points of light

Sees eyes that pop open bc of the light

Magical carvings

Unsettling carvings

No reaction; stone carving in the walls

Displays an eye

Readies weapon

Aerana rolls 23 for stealth

Light gets a lot brighter as descending down staircase

Enters to long hallway that's 9ish feet long, doorway I can see from my position leading off righthand side, all throughout tunnel are eye motifs carved into walls

Sensation I'm being watched

Looking down to left there's big set of double doors, in front of doors on ceiling is eye but different from carvings; looks alive, sticks down and is attached to stalk, occasionally blinks

Eye is just monitoring passageway

Adam makes intelligence check, 6, it looks like the beholder's eyes

It's 60 feet away

Aerana sneaks down, pushes door open a little

Peeking through looks like another shorter hallway going for 40ish feet, v narrow, stops at another door

Adam makes intelligence arcana check, thinks the thing is a sensor, like a security camera

Aerana goes to other door

Peeking in, looks like big chandelier? is hanging from ceiling

23 for stealth again, I'm good thank the lord

You see another beholder eye thing floating in the middle of the room, it's being necormanced

Doesn't see me

There r big green spores floating around like dust motes

Looks like there's another hallway down there

We are outside the room with the beholder zombie

We're gonna try to blind the thingy and RUN to the other hallway

Long dark hallway that leads to left past range of left

Dash into room on the left

Throw open door

Slam circular door behind us

Now we're in a stairway that slopes downwards

Making way downstairs

There's a figure looming in shadows on the side, is actually a suit of armor on the wall

Cel stops adam from touching armor

We walk for a little while, passing into tunnel that curves a little; opens up to open amphitheater, have entered into spectators area for audience

Semicircular recess on the southeast wall

More eye things

Jacob has tums

Looking around chamber, well-lit, blood-stained sand pit in the center

Eye is far away doesn't appear to b looking at us, urns and weird jars under it, nobody here

Set of stairs leading up to right, stairs leading up to left

It's like an arena

We can assume it's for fighting

There's a tunnel leading under the thingy

We're gonna go to tunnel

Jump into the thingy, eye still doesn't appear to see us

Big open tunnel abt 10 ft wide w a circle door blocking our view

Aerana turns the door handle, rolls away

In another darkened chamber

Does look like there are cells in here

Aerana runs 30 feet into cells

Halfling sitting in corner, arms crossed

Drow woman

30 feet sees third cell out of four, has three people in it

Woman, two men

Older man, two younger people

Do we recognize anyone? From what you can see no

Fourth cell has some rlly large hulking creatures

Minotaur

Adam is talking to smth that doesn't rlly understand ? Minotaur ?

Adam is going to sing smth ?

Shutting the door, adam rolls a 17 bardic inspiration

Face matted w blood

Bones in cell

Adam takes out a ration and v tenderly pokes it through the cage doors without putting hand through the cage

Cel is going to humans

Brown skin, olive complexion

Rushes up

"say you don't look like one of the thugs"

"we're not we're trying to take them down what can you tell us about this place"

This is xanathar guild, they throw ppl in arena to fight, beasts in other cell

Claudia, jia and arthwright

Arthwright is an older man

Been here for two weeks?

Others have been there longer than them

Jia says the only time they've seen Him, when fighting; usually by place w urns

Find the jailer for the keys

Or just pick the lock

Aerana is going to drow woman nvm

Halfling closest to door minute came in she yelling at her

We're gonna try to get you out

Was kidnapped

Used to live in sea ward

Maybe we can help you

Asyna goes to drow

Starts talking to her in elvish

Greets her

"say .. You're not with zorin are you?"

Who's zorin

"oh . Well in any case unimportant now"

Asks if she's from a house

Was wandering through and was captured

Asyna rolls history check, 20

Official house title was houses of zorlauren

Asks her what house she's from

"oh ! Wonderful"

Expedition project led her astray

She says no one else of importance was captured

They were killed

She killed the last beast they threw at her

Not sure what she's talking abt when she says levels

Theo lock pick check

14 to pick

Wire using snaps off

Adam

They look like skeptical ogres

One of them speaks common

"if we let you out just running amok"

"oh we can find weapons"

Adam is gonna roll insight

They seem trustworthy

Adam put a lot of stupid trust

Halfling said she could fight

Adam walks up to humans and asks how often jailer comes by, daily

Dwarf wearing horned helmet

Dwarf already came in to give food

If make too much noise he might come back in

"big boys, I need you to make a lot of noise on my signal"

Hear cursing in dwarvish and someone descends down flight of steps

Doorway rolls open, see squat dwarf fellow w big helmet

Cel and theo both hit, takes 30 damage

He's wearing some armor

Adam casts sleep

HE IS NOT SLEEPING his hit points are higher than 33

Pulls out axe

Stopping for tonight

[acrid14lilac]

I BUILT MYSELF A METAL BIRD - CHAPTER Ⅰ

"I Built Myself that metal bird; I fed my metal bird the wings of other metal birds, plundered from the sky and caught in traps. Behold how I have taken nature and fed it into mechanics; watch how it flies downward with the confidence of an eagle but with all the seeing of Yahweh! It worked, dense mother fucker, so watch: it comes!"

   In, down from the heavens, I saw the great work fly down. I could not see too well as the unblocked sun half-blinded me, but its imposing form was unmistakable. No other mechanical bird, natural or otherwise, quite matched its wingspan, and its fierce nature was so apparent that my assistant, Vraizumikhin, seemed to take a step back and down as to make his already frail frame smaller. As the bird swept down, seemingly seized by unmistakable confidence, the teeth of the thing came into my focus.

   "Tzipora," my mouth fell into saying, "it's grand, truly. The scale of the thing — the cold mechanism inside on which it must rely — is so contrived as to make me believe is it the work of our God." My words, spoken in shock of what she had accomplished, stood almost separate from each other in their delayed delivery. After, I just stood and watched, while Tzipora babbled on about technicalities far above me.

   The mouth was the most striking part, filled to the brim with scored serrated teeth, curved inward toward the mouth. I knew they had been designed to tear through wood and metal, but Vraizumikhin didn't, and was all the more terrified by that. "What on earth is that thing, so shaped and built as any other mechanical bird, but possessing the teeth of sharks? Ziporaah, be that your name, I charge you speak! What is this contraption?"

   Vraizumikhin's address to me pulled me back into the business at hand and away from my admiration of the bird. We were here on business, not to an art gallery, and it was not my place to admire Tzipora's work. I turned to address her:-

   "You've done it Tzo. You may be rude to exhaustion, tired beyond comprehension with the bags under your eyes growing by the second even in waking; but that vision, my God, is complete. Vraizumikhin," I turned to him, noticing his tense shoulders through his concealing suit. "Tzipora here is an engineer, and one of my oldest friends. You would do well to address her with simple courtesy." The look in his eyes betrayed him before he even offered up his muttered apology. He did not put his head down, however, and observed the bird as Tzipora began again.

   "See the body? Those hard, unforgiving sheets of steel? The lengths I had to go to to get them into shape! O, they fought against me at every quarter of leniency I left, and so my hand was forced into being double-tough against those blasted sheets. I tell you, I hardly fit everything inside it! But under all accounts... Vraizumikhin," (as he prompted her with his name) "Don't believe it was only my own labour. My workers had to work double shifts just to hold all the little springs and pistons together. I am not a woman of theory, but of action! Rather, you remind me — rightly — that each hammer-dent, each rivet, was not a solitary accomplishment."

   She was right; from the form of it, up close I could see plain evidence of how many hands had touched the body. The most apparent was a lack of finer symmetry, but Tzipora seemed uninterested in that. My attention was drawn back to the bird, as Tzipora went on to explain how "The wings are far finer, laboured over by myself and few trusted others." The legs were waved away as some trivial part, "like the cardboard tube of a bog roll;" the tail, formed of colossal metal springs, was an after-thought and disposal of spare parts; it was the teeth she spent the longest on.

   Excuse me if I'm projecting in retrospect, eventual reader. I can't help but think she felt like how I did when, once, I saw my eldest playing with a child they would never see again: that the latter's first and only impression of my child is founded on how I brought up that child, built them up to take on the world. Tzo was a strange character, and a little overbearing; I can't help but imagine she would be the kind to show off a little, live a bit through her kid. Tzipora looked as though she could talk for hours in the wings, their beauty and imitations of the mechanical birds of nature. "I have pioneered a new branch of fluid dynamics just to account for the size of the material, all of its inconsistencies. They are perhaps the most complex design of mine. Go ahead, Engeru; touch them.

   I did as she commanded. The iron feathers had some smoothness to them, but I knew Tzo, and it was the shape of all the feathers, collectively; their angle, and how the air travelled through them, so I humoured her, and blew through the right wing. Its quiet whistle put a slight smile on Tzipora's face, as she knew exactly my train of thought. I stepped back and returned the smile.

   During this exchange, Vraizumikhin adjusted his balance away from his prosthetic leg, as he often had to when standing for long periods. Evidently, he was becoming impatient, and wished to close precedings, since he made an effort to wait for me to come back to see him.

   "I'm sorry, ma'am; the wings look wonderful, and are truly a testament to your craftsmanship, but are they armoured? The enemy shall take whatever chance they get, so we must reinforce ourselves against their conniving nature." He turned to me and, in a hushed tone, continued: "Engeru, can I talk to you please? I don't know what the general was thinking, hiring this... I suppose, scheming con-artist, to build a war machine; I don't aspire to be a critic, but think of your men! To bet their lives on a 'trusted friend'."

   "Vraizumikhin," I returned, "your leg seems to be putting you in pain, and that is driving you to rash decisions. Leave me with Tzipora, and I'll sort everything out."

Tzipora was looking down during this conversation, not wanting to make any eye-contact, but met mine in a look of "Thank you, you understand." I hardly registered the look as I gave Vraizumikhin a pat on the back to ease him and saw him off.

   Five minutes later, Tzipora thanked me verbally, but caught me off guard with her thoughts.

   "That Vraizumikhin? He's a pile of anti-Semitic shite. I know what you're going to say, that 'you just couldn't see that in him,' but trust me; upon hearing my name, a certain hidden aggression manifested and fell upon his polite façade. Keep an eye on him, will ya?"

   I couldn't think she was right; "Vraizumikhin was just in a grumpy mood today, or something of the sort," I told myself. I only wish that time had proved me right.

[serendipitybutterfly]

...a month late... A birthday year ahead reading for Kim Taehyung... Featuring a startling revelation?! ... Sir Taehyung???

Sometimes you do a reading and something arises that you didn't even ask for and never expected... But we'll get to that.

In terms of advice for this year for Tae, with the reversed ace of cups and reversed 4 of earth (pentacles) coming as significators of this reading, there's a real message of needing to unblock and release certain energies, situations, attitudes... Imagine a clod of earth blocking a water pipe and the pressure is building up behind it. Eventually something has to give, and it should be that clod of earth... Not the pipe.

Reversals for me generally indicate blockages in areas of a person's life. With an ace of cups in reverse and a four of pentacles in reverse, I'm feeling a blockage in emotional connection or at least in being able to express one's emotions with ease... Which maybe leads to compensating with shows of material wealth... Over spending... Overgenerosity... This is interesting because I think Tae seems to express his feelings and affection for his friends and family pretty well... At least from what we see... But these cards are indicating to me that he struggles a lot with this actually and that he tends to bottle things up until he explodes (like my blocked pipe analogy) or tries to express feelings through ostentatious gifts or compensates for not expressing his emotions healthily by overspending... Essentially the advice is to unblock these energies... To learn earn to release and express his emotions in a healthy way.

Going into the more specific advice cards for the year ahead, we're starting off on an extremely positive note with The Star and the reversed 3 of water (cups). I see with this that there's real potential this year for Tae to fulfill a dream or desire. Something he wants for himself. A personal goal or project that he works on alone. With the 6 of wands and King of Earth (pentacles) we can see that pursuing this will bring him a lot of praise and success as well as greater wealth and stability. This could be anything from a solo music project, to another acting job... I'm not sure exactly what it is other than it's a real wish he has and wants to do it for himself. The advice here is simple; go for it, it will be successful.

At the centre of this reading we have the reversed Sun and the 2 of water (cups). Even reversed, the Sun is still such a positive card... It's just the energy is blocked, delayed... What I'm getting from this is that there is actually a love connection manifesting for Tae in the future which will bring him a lot of happiness... But for now he's going to need to be patient because the timing isn't right. It's coming... Just not quite yet... Though not in the too distant future... Maybe even next year?... It depends on what happens between then and now of course... But i do see happiness in a relationship ... It's just the energy is blocked so it won't manifest for a bit. If he can learn to open himself up and express his emotions this will help bring any desires he has for love into fruition...

For now though he has to work on himself. With the High Priestess and Strength here I'm seeing, and feeling, a powerful development of spirituality... Honestly it was visceral. I think it's highly likely that this year Tae may begin to explore and develop his spirituality more seriously... Certainly there's some deepening and strengthening of spiritual beliefs going on here. His faith in his intuition, in the advice coming from his spiritual guides, will become stronger. As he listens to his guides and gets confirmation over and over his faith is continuously going to deepen, as is his wisdom and understanding of the world.

The last two tarot cards of advice for the year ahead are the 2 of wands and reversed 7 of water (cups). What I see here is the advice to not be afraid to consider his options and step outside the box. He has so many talents and so many opportunities to use his skills and gifts... He's being advised to look at them all... Give them all some thought... And not feel like he has to stick to one certain thing or path when he has so many roads he can walk before him.

Now, for the oracle cards, I got first Winter Solstice: Reflection. Honestly this card made me start humming Singularity, which was interesting (the lyrics make so much sense in this case) ... I feel again a sense of needing to release something. In this case, I get the message of needing to reflect on the past, on all things that have happened, good and bad, lessons learnt and how much he's grown up and matured... And release that which is holding him back from moving forward. The negative emotions and fears which keep him bottling up his feelings and being so wary of opening up to others... This is an interesting one of course because Tae is in a position where there is a legit rational argument for why he should be guarded and wary of new people... But at the same time, you can be sensible without locking your heart away entirely and living with a lot of fear and worry about your connections with others isn't healthy... There has to be balance. Basically... I think this card is telling him to reflect on himself and realise how far he's come and how much stronger and wiser he is now... He can trust himself and his intuition.

Okay... And now this is the card that gave me chills in this reading... This deck is called 'Angels and Ancestors' and I thought it was a particularly good deck to use for Tae because... Idk if I've mentioned it before but, wow, he has such strong ancestral energy surrounding him. His family probably don't play with paying respect to the ancestors because there's really such a strong link there...

Anyway, for his advice for this year I got the Knight card which says 'Be brave and honest'. However, more than just a message of advice for the year I got two distinct impressions that literally gave me chills and goosebumps... First that one of the main ancestors or spirit guides that's looking out for Tae right now was a Knight... Or the Korean equivalent thereof... A noble warrior with a sworn sacred code of morality... And second, that Tae himself, in a past life, was a Knight... (?! When I tell you i was shook!)... Not only that, but, and I kid you not, I heard French in a man's voice (I don't even speak French!!!) saying something like "Mon coeur... Lion..."?... I couldn't understand or make it all out but I recognised those words so they stuck with me. As did the impression that they were part of some kind of personal motto or vow... My heart like a lion...? Honestly I was just stunned at that point... I wasn't expecting to be told anything like this and if there is one thing here I'd like to tell Tae most it's this... This was a lot and unexpected and also... Really quite personal... So I didn't want to pry into it or ask more... I can only say, in terms of advice, I feel like knowing this and coming into that noble warrior, brave, chivalrous energy would bring him a lot of strength and comfort.

Finally... After that surprise... The angel oracle card for his year ahead was Fiona. This card says: Now that you've asked the angels for help, be open to receiving divine guidance and assistance. You deserve heaven's help!

This definitely resonates with the message of his developing spiritual beliefs and opening up to his guides and i think he's definitely already on the right path in this regard. Once he's open to listening to his guides, his angels, his ancestors... They'll lead him to wherever he needs to go and protect him from harm.

The numerology of this reading comes to 11; a number in numerology which speaks to high vibrational spirituality and receiving guidance from angels and spirit guides. Once again I'm struck by the message that this is a year of spiritual exploration for Tae.

I think this has the potential to be an amazing year of success for Tae, both materially in terms of his career and spiritually as he develops his intuitive gifts and strengthens his connection to his guides. He has the power of his ancestors behind him... And they're strong. He's in good hands truly. Bless you Sir Taehyung!!! 💜 💜💜 ♞ ⚔ 🦁 ❤️

[what-a-strange-thing]

finding inspiration

“Ideas come from everything.”

- Alfred Hitchcock

removing the block - potential reasons why you’re stuck 

Perfectionism is a major creative block. The expectation that everything you come up with has to be great is daunting. It freezes you. Be warm and kind to yourself, take the pressure off. For me, it helps to think that whatever I create is a first draft that no one is going to see (if I don't want them to). Free yourself emotionally by recognizing that you can revisit the same idea again and again. You don't have to execute it perfectly right away.

Your ideas might still be in the ugly-duckling-stage. They might look odd to you, but maybe all they require is a little time, a little nourishment, to develop into something better. Give them that time and don’t throw out ideas that don’t appeal on first sight. 

You could just be in creative hibernation (a term I discovered here on tumblr), the phase in your creative cycle where you aren't very productive and don't have many ideas. It's normal and okay for your creative energy to go through phases - sometimes the ideas pour out of you, other times they slow down to a trickle. Julia Cameron describes the times when we are stuck creatively as droughts. She says that droughts feel endless but they do end and your creativity will flourish again.

Or you could have too many ideas - they have accumulated over the time you didn’t act on them. Write them out and do something small to realize the one that appeals the most to you, that gets you excited. 

Any other kind of resistance? Ask yourself, gently and kindly, why a part of you doesn’t want to create. Then create resolve around the answers you receive.

tools to encourage the flow of inspiration

Intention: what kind of inspiration are you looking for? Is it an idea for a certain project? Be specific.

Take notes: be curious. Walk through the world with open eyes for what is outside you - but also an open heart for what is going on within you. Carry a notebook (or use your phone) to capture your ideas and impressions, no matter how mundane or obvious they may seem at the time. When you run out of ideas, you can look at your notes. 

Inspiration boards: Let yourself be inspired by things alike to the one you want to create. This is the concept behind inspiration boards. It’s a collection of art pieces, products, or whatever else you think of creating, that fits the shape you want your own projects to take. Media different from the form you want to create in can inspire you, too. For example, some writers make moodboards with images to inspire their writing. 

Act on it: Act on your creative impulses as they occur, ride that wave of inspiration and see where it leads you! You may be surprised at what you find when one idea leads to another. Or you find out that your idea doesn't work out in practice which is valuable, too, even if it might feel frustrating at first.

Emptiness: Pay attention to when you perceive empty space somewhere- the feeling of "there needs to be something here", so create it! If there is no fanfiction of that ship in this scenario - congratulations, you just got an idea for a fanfiction!

Artist Dates: These are part of the program to unblock creatively in the book "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron - it is a joyful, interesting activity you undertake alone to feed your imagination with fresh impressions and images. You could go into a crafts shop, to the cinema or park. I once went to a planetarium for my artist date and it was magical. 

Dreams: For some, it works to set the intention to get an idea before falling asleep. Keeping a dream journal helps you to remember your dreams and receive ideas from them. There is also dream work that involves making art to express the feel of the dream (e.g.: “The Art of Dreaming: Tools for Creative Dream Work” by Jill Mellick). 

Follow your joy: what are you currently interested in? What lights you up with excitement? I really enjoyed this tumblr post by M. Kirin on planning a novel according to what things, themes, ideas, etc. really appeal to you personally. 

Self-care: take breaks and relax, make space to do nothing. Do yourself a favor and don’t overidentify with your creation. You are worthy, deserving and good enough, just as you are :)

Remember this: inspiration cannot be forced but it does favor the prepared mind. I wish you all the best on your creative journey!

[rusalkii]

I need to start doing these on Friday again, this is ridiculous.

Was not in the slightest productive since I got back from the workshop. Studied somewhat for my exams but not very well, did quite poorly on one and (I hope) okay at another. Had @evolution-is-just-a-theorem visit over the weekend, which was delightful but not exactly conducive to work (by which I mean I dropped everything when they got here and when I learned I wouldn’t be able to see them over my spring break didn’t pick any of it up, which I honestly don’t regret), and when they left realized I'd misremembered two deadlines (not checking this I do regret) and horribly botched a project trying to complete it on time. This was quite possibly my worst such failure since high school, I am not pleased with myself at all. Since then have been failing to study for an exam tomorrow.

Some of this is probably just disruption in routine from workshop + Evo visiting + heading home due to coronavirus (I don't work well at my parent's). Some of it's probably just the general air of We Are Now In A Crisis Situation (university is cancelling classes for a week after spring break, and then moving to online classes, which should be interesting). Some of it is my complete inability to get into the right headspace for work. I'm going to try coworking with someone tomorrow and see if that helps (have asked people on discord, if anyone on tumblr is interested let me know, if not I'll prod my brother). 

Studying continues to be very difficult. I need to be in the habit of doing it regularly, not just when I have an exam coming up. ""Studying"" feels like a terrifying undoable black box, though, and I often don't have problems to work halfway through the semester. Also, I've told myself this before, and it never works. Black box: for algorithms, I can review past problem sets and redo any problems I had difficulty with or got wrong, go over summation simplifications and rules and make sure I have the common ones memorized, read the textbook and take notes making sure to rephrase things to check that I understand them, try to find past exams and do those. PL: do those long practice exams, quizzes, and questions on the website from last year, redo old clicker questions. Linear: summarize & review old notes to make sure I have the key information memorized/understood, otherwise the problems given seem to be adequate. Metrics: try to find old exams? try to do practice problems in the textbook? do the goddamn derivations from scratch until I understand them? I don't like the structure of this class.

How do I make sure I actually do this? Uh. Well. I've tried deliberately scheduling blocks for it, which didn't work. I've tried adding it to my calendars/lists as a daily unblocked thing, that didn't really work. I've aimed for weekly hourly targets, that didn't work. I've aimed for weekly concrete accomplishments, that... sort of worked? I could make it a goal each day to add a studying thing to my lists and aim for getting at least, let's say 4, done a week? That's worth a try, as long as the addition to the list is concrete ("go over notes for chapter 2" or "do these problems", not "study for metrics"). Will start from next week unless I fail to talk my brother and dad out of going skiing, this week's weird. I'll set a reminder to start Saturday. Also, might be nice to get some version of this list in my accountability channel to have as an easy reference if I’m not sure what to plan for that day.

Miscellany: Evo got me into Pokemon Go, which is a terrible phone game of the sort that eats my brain, but Pokemon Go eating my brain mostly means taking a lot of walks so I think I'll take it (if you're on there, I think the friend mechanism is actually useful? I like having friends, friends are good). Re: food, staying with my parents means I don't have access to a dining hall, so I need to be very careful to consistently get reasonable meals. Libby continues to be a delightful, I'm on a depressing book kick, recommend me history about people being horrible to each other (past, current, and on my list: King Leopold's Ghost (exploitation & mass murder in colonial Congo), a memoir about Iran during the revolution, And The Band Played On (AIDS), Hitler's Willing Executioners). Once spring break starts, need to remember to finish my goddamn paper. No dance for me until we're out of plague conditions, likewise probably SCA and local rat meetups; I should try to call people occasionally for some social contact.