#once again this isnt to make people feel bad about how they choose to draw the character

[honeyfizzly]

Being real, I am in the camp of no tail thorn not because I don't think it's super cute (it is! Tails are cute! I feel like i also have to preface this isnt an attack on anyone who gives thorn a tail because its all a matter of personal opinion) but rather I remember reading some interview or watching some livestream about Tony talking about why Thorn dosent have a tail anymore.

The reasoning was that she was a de-exagerration of the witch in a way, that the protagonist got to see an more human side of her so her more animalistic features regressed.

I think the princess becoming more normal again is interesting, which is why I personally don't add an tail to Thorn in my own fanart.

Now that I think about it, princess and the dragon also falls into this camp as she basically becomes the chapter 1 princess again but keeping the scar of spectre.

[nightswithkookmin]

With the grammy bomb im more than certain that there is a strain between jikook. They do interact but in a way that is so aloof. Their habitual gravitating towards one another doesnt happen anymore. And im talking about all the recent stuff from october onwards. Jk purposefully rear towards other members and i find jimin to be only open towards namjoon. All of his other interactions on cam are to make sure that everything is fine between him and others. And jk purposefully ignores or avoids jimin and doesnt have that unrestrainable affection towards him anymore. I say all this as a longtime jikook supporter. Honestly even if they had their 'fighting' periods i have never seen jk this dismissive. At least jimin isnt as affected as before. I dont understand how no supporter is admitting the obvious distance of jk.

Why are you being mean to me though😭

Please read my blogs. I think I have talked about this topic several times now.

May be I spoke 'too soon' before the loud moments that make these things obvious to most but still, I've addressed it nonetheless.

I feel if I respond to this, I'd just be repeating myself over and over at this point and frankly it gets boring for the people that read me- I think. Lol. I mean, once I start I never shut up. Lmho. So sorry in advance.

I agree with everything you've said, as well as all the observations you've made. I'm with you on it. Except, you made no definitive conclusions I could agree on, rebut, or share an opinion on. There is a strain on their relationship..... therefore? Lol.

I don't mean this in a rude way. I just don't think it's enough to point that out without drawing conclusions- unless you are simply taking notes of those moments? Or are you concluding that the strain is a sign Jikook are fighting, having problems or that they have broken up?

Not every tension between Jikook is a bad thing if you ask me or even as a result of them having issues in their relationship. This is something I keep regurgitating in my blogs. Not to say they don't have issues, they do. Hell, I get dragged by my roots on these streets for saying they fight, or even break up sometimes like any real couple would. They are real and they have real couple's problems sometimes too like any regular joe.

I'm glad you pointed out though, that Jimin doesn't seem as affected by JK's 'dismissive' attitude as before. Shouldn't that tell you that is a sign there is nothing wrong with their relationship this time around? Jikook is not one sided. JK isn't the only party to their relationship, neither is Jimin. They have an equal and sometimes opposite reaction to each other. One person's attitude or change in attitude tends to produce a ripple effect on the other. In my opinion.

If JK were to be 'dismissive' at all, it would emotionally and physically impact Jimin and he would have a reaction to it like he did in run 106. Compared to this, he didn't seem at all affected by JK's 'attitude' just as you've pointed out.

As I said a while ago, I honestly don't think or believe they are fighting or that they are broken up either- not to me anyway. Lol. I mean you could still pretty much see the intimacy between them in that footage. Jikook don't need to engage in skinship or overt and loud interactions to show they are intimate. And most times their overt and loud skinship and interactions are devoid of intimacy. That's the thing about intimacy, you can't fake it or hide it.

Jimin turning towards JK in his fit of excitement is a sign of intimacy between them regardless of whether he actually hugged JK or not. Then later on the couch, you could see him yearning for JK.

There were three people in that room- may be more if you count staff and yet JK was the only one Jimin seemed to want an answer from.

He was the one Jimin was emotionally inclined towards. The one who's comfort and affection he sought after- bless his heart, he hit his head on some solid rock knees and everything trying to pursue his need for physical closeness and affection from JK. If they were broken up or fighting, he wouldn't go to JK for his emotional needs.

He could try and 'interact' with JK, do the fanservice bit with him but he wouldn't go to him with his emotional needs- that would be inappropriate and unfair to JK. Jimin is an emotionally intelligent guy and he has a lot of thoughts and consideration for people's feelings and he is well aware of his limits and just how much he can push or get away with.

And I cite his Log with JK, where he announced he had started developing feelings for JK and then turned to JK to ask if he was ok with him saying that much on camera.

Thus, if he is emotionally 'gravitating' towards JK then it's indication there is a level of intimacy and a mutual understanding between them that JK fulfills an emotional need and ought to fulfill that emotional need for him.

And yes, I agree. Him hesitating when he wanted to hug JK is a sign there is something stressing their dynamics which is something I pointed out when that Grammy reaction video first came out. I knew something was stressing their dynamic but I couldn't figure out what because it was a very short video with not much going on in there.

The behind the scenes however, chilee. Lol.

I mean if you consider the fact JK went from moving a distance to console Jimin when he was crying on stage during the October ON:E concert, and you look at all the moments we've had from their overt flirting in 2021 season's greetings, the sexual innuendos in the BE behind scenes video, JK sniffing Jimin's hair in the Be unboxing video to that moment on the couch when Jimin hit his head on JK's knees- that shit look like it hurt. Damn. JK what is your knees made of! Lmho.

I am uncomfortable discussing a Jikook era or phase when it's on going on. I like to simply take note of certain moments and discuss them in post by reconstructing the timeline to place content in its rightful timeframe.

I can only share with you my working theory on such moments and for the most part, like I said previously I feel Jikook- especially JK is having issues with the company. Perhaps because the company stumbled on something they weren't supposed to see.

As for Jikook's personal development, I think we all saw this development coming, didn't we? After JM's birthday fiasco? I think I hypothesized at the time that whoever was in the 'wrong' in that situation would come swinging hard on their Jikook agenda in the aftermath. And with that whole GCF Tokyo reference, signing his name to JK's name at the pop up, the stealing looks at JK during interviews, checking him out left right left, trying to make Jk 'jealous' with RM at the Be press con red carpet, it's not hard to figure out who did what in that birthday situation.

I plan on writing a blog on this very topic, because I've received quite a few Asks about my thoughts on JK outing Jimin, military service and others that I find intriguing and want to discuss but I also want to discuss Vminkook dynamics, Jikook boundaries and I don't know which one to get into first. When I'm torn between options I end up not making a choice at all. Lol.

All I can say in regards to Jikook and their on going 'situation' is that- I love it. Lol. I love their dynamics, I love where they are at in their love journey, I love where they are heading. Jikook is just beautiful in every sense of the word.

I love what JK is doing. I love where he has gotten my bias to- which is confronting himself and figuring out what he wants from their relationship. Because, honestly you can't have your cake and eat it. It just doesn't work that way.

What you are seeing is just JK asserting himself against Jimin I'm afraid. It's the push and pull thingy all over again.

I keep talking about 'the boy in love with Jungkook' being a facade and persona Jimin hides behind to love JK and most people don't understand.

JK's persona is not the boy in love with Jimin. It's the boy cold and shy who rejects Jimin- well at least that was the persona he had in their early dynamics around debut.

He has since shed that persona and the bold, fearless, assertive JK we see on the screens is him choosing to unapologetically express his love and feelings for Jimin. And jimin enjoys that.

But you take a look at Jimin, and you don't see that drastic change in his persona or the way he expresses himself with JK- I mean let's call a spade a spade.

Do I think Jimin loves JK? Absolutely. Do I think he is being authentic in the way that he expresses those feelings to JK on camera? Only to an extent.

It's obvious who Jimin is to JK or even the way he expresses himself and his love for JK is slightly different off camera than the persona we see on our screens. For one, clearly JK is not used to seeing Jimin prioritize others over him or be overly affectionate with others besides him. I mean it's been seven years. Ten, if you count the periods before. You'd think JK would get used to JM doing skinship with others or showing affection for the others especially since they've lived together over half of the time and yet here we are, frying pans away from the apocalypse whenever any member breaths near Jimin. Damn JK. Lmho.

Do I think his persona is slightly exaggerated? Yes. But I also think JM downplays his love for Jk with his 'Mr I'm available' personality, his Kumbaya attitude, and his I'm just a nice guy on the block character, which often leads to people questioning whether or not he treats JK different from the group. Don't get me wrong JK does this too.

Jimin loves JK. But at this point the question is is he expressing that love in the way that meets JK's emotional needs? Is he allowing JK to love him and express the love he feels for him in the way that makes him happy?

I think that's what the birthday fiasco is all about.

If you don't want JK openly showing and expressing his love for you in a way that he wants to and in a way that holds meaning to him and makes him feel fulfilled as well in the relationship then what is the point of him holding on to the glass closet?

Two can play that game. Lol.

It's JK's needs above the groups and I feel he is putting it right up there next to JM's needs because they are both valid.

You should have seen JK's face when Jimin decided tell the truth about his location on September 1st in that BB press interview.

I remember pointing out that when JM started that narration with the first person pronoun he was going for a well curated narrative perhaps one the group had agreed on prior to avoid confirming his location on the JK's birthday like they had tried to do during the VLive but dropped that and went with the honest truth the moment he started talking about being with Jk and using 'we' instead of 'I' in his speech.

I'm glad the interviewer from his Weverse magazine interview confirmed and pointed out this tell or habit of Jimin when he speaks,

"When he’s talking, Jimin often starts his sentence with phrases like, “I just,” “it just,” “they just …” But then he immediately goes on to open up about his feelings, always providing a sincere response."

At least now we know for sure he wasn't lying about his location- for all those who called him a liar.

Anywho, my point is it makes JK happy when Jimin expresses his love and feelings for him. But it also makes him happy when he is able to show the world just how much JM means to him.

He didn't get those tattoos for nothing. He didn't do the GCFs for nothing. He didn't nibble on his ear in front of thousands of people for nothing- had he posted for Jimin on his birthday, given how he hadn't done that for anyone in a year, it wouldn't have been for nothing either. In my opinion.

When I tell y'all Jimin is gonna wake up one day with JK's ring on his finger and he wouldn't know what hit him. Chilee. Lmho.

Listen, JK is in love LOVE with Jimin. It's my opinion and I'm gonna treat it as fact because I believe it- if you disagree keep it to yourself. I don't wanna hear it. Lol.

That boy is in love with my bias. Ain't nobody gonna tell me nothing. Lol.

Seriously though, JK loves Jimin and he loves expressing those feelings for him. He goes overboard sometimes with it to the point it's borderline outing but we don't talk about that. Lol.

He's progressed through out the years from hiding his feelings for Jimin, whispering I love you's to JM when he thinks JM is alseep, slipping matching plasters onto his finger, all the way to Rosebowl.

If you ask me, he wants to be Jimin's equal in every sense of the word and as much as he loves to be at the recieving end of JM's affections, he enjoys being at the giving end.

And if JM has the cover of 'the boy in love with the Maknae' and it works perfectly for him not just as a persona but the perfect excuse for loving Jk then you gotta wonder what cover JK equally has for loving JM the way that he does. He has none. His every move is questioned by members, by staff, by fans- why do you film Jimin so much, why not put Tae in there for clicks, why are you constantly with Jimin and other invasive questions like that.

Jimin gets away with a lot of things than JK because of his personality and his persona. People would question the things JK does most of the time while dismissing the things Jimin does as either fanservice or as flowing from his personality. Whereas JK cannot get away with those same things.

We paint JK as Jeonlous and possessive but we forget most times he acts that way so Jimin doesn't have to. Jimin has said he doesn't share his friends and yet somehow we think he is ok with sharing his boyfriend with 5 other members or those 5 members with his boyfriend- this is code, let it sink in.

There is a lot of boundaries he instills there and it's equally an expression of possessiveness. Yet it's so subtle you might not even notice.

Jk makes Jimin look cool. He takes the fall so Jimin doesn't have to. When JK takes a step back that's when you see how whipped JM is- the neediness, the clinginess- PJMs give me a break. *rolling my eyes. It needs to be said. I love Jimin too but shit, it is what is. Lol.

I think it's gonna take a while for Jk to open back up to Jimin, to get in the space where he feels safe expressing himself with Jimin the way that he was doing before Jimin's birthday.

It doesn't mean he hates Jimin or doesn't love him or doesn't want him or doesn't care. But I think Jimin needs to step up to show he is on the same page as JK because JK is all about reciprocity. He ain't about to do the one sided unrequited nonsense. Lol.

Honestly all this is part of Jikook's dynamics. This not the first time Jk's closed himself off. The last time he did it was because they had gone through a nasty breakup- I said what I said. In my opinion nonetheless. Lol.

In the aftermath of it, he was expressing similar behavior. In Suga's Birthday Vlive this year for example, when Jimin was clinging to him and had his hands on his leg he didn't take the bait either- man was it frustrating to watch. Lol. But you could see JM wanted that physical connection with him. Did you see his smug face when Jimin was all over him?

I think he is just going through a phase where he needs reassurance of Jimin's love. Jimin is a big guy and he knows his man best and I think he knows exactly what he needs to do to get him to come around. Lol.

I mean he flew all the way from Paris to see him on his birthday didn't he?

I think we have to leave them to it. Just observe them. I hate commenting on a phase like this especially when it's on going. I'd rather talk about it after it's ended and a new phase has begun for them.

Part of supporting Jikook is knowing when to give them privacy and room to just unfold their story and be human. They are a living breathing love story after all.

Jk isn't being distant. He is just not interacting with JM the way we are used to seeing him do. But I feel that's part Bighit asking them to cool off and part him just wanting reassurance from Jimin.

At this point, I want to ask why you want people to acknowledge JK is closed off? To what end? I don't think anyone is denying that they are going through this phase- well the Kumbaya tradshippers are but why do you want me to acknowledge this fact? I already pointed out that there is something stressfing their dynamics.

They have their own personal stuff going on but I don't think it's much of an issue and at the same time they seem to be having issues with their company- You have to take all of that into consideration to see how that affects their dynamics as well.

You have to be aware of the timeline too. Because content is not released in chronological order, it may seem like a rollercoaster ride when in actual sense all of this may have happened with a specific time frame.

When it comes to Jikook always assume they are much closer than you think. Jikook is fine, I believe. Just take mental notes of these things for posterity. I wouldn't be worried about them.

As usual, this has been my opinion. Don't take it too seriously. Keep supporting Jikook. Jikook is real.

Signed,

GOLDY

[arthurflecksgirl]

Artie falls in love with you / Arthur Fleck short story

Disclaimer: Suicidal thoughts, sex, drunk Arthur, romantic, sweet

“How...how many kisses?“

Arthur was lying on the couch, burying his face in the pillow. The two of you went out on a date for the third time today and you were truly in love with him.

“Just tell me sweetheart, how many?“ He mumbled. The couple glasses of wine werent a good idea considering that he was on his medication and was never really drunk before. You felt kinda bad about his condition right now. But you really tried to get him out of his apartment and did choose a good restaurant to finally get him to eat something. He never ate propery and looked kinda starved. Also a side effect of his meds. You felt good, watching him eating half a plate today, so you ordered some wine,too.

You kneed in front of the couch to made sure he's comfortable, petting his soft, sweaty curls “What do you mean?“

He smirked at you “How many smoochies will I get from you tonight?“ His face lighted up looking at you. His childlike grin made your knees weak every time.

You kept on playin with his hair “Many,Arthur.“

“But how much?“

He tried to get up and kiss you on the cheek, making kissing noises and almost fell from the couch “Oooops“ he buried his face in your neck “I almost fell. Good thing I fell in your arms,huh?“ His breath felt hot against your skin. The smell of his hair felt like home. “Yeah Arthur, I'm afraid you're a bit drunk.“

Arthurs smile grew even more “I'm not drunk. I just love you so much and need to know how many?“ A sloppy kiss on the corner of your lips.

“Countless,Artie.“

He sunk back into his pillow “Wow, thats a lot!“

You took the blankets and covered him with it “Just try to get some sleep,okay? You will get all the kisses when you're sober again“.

He crawled up under the sheets, his beautiful face lookin slightly weathered. “Hey (YN) wanna hear a Joke? “

“Sure“

“So this man comes into an libary“ he chuckles in his pillow already.

"...and asks for a book on how to commit suicide.

And the libarian said  Fuck off, you won`t bring it back"

He can`t help but laugh about his own joke. His dark homor said more about himself than you wanted to admit but you were very drawn to his view of things. He always seemed to feel everything with an intensivity you have never seen on someone else before. Eighter if he was happy or sad. When you met him he told you he never felt happy in his whole life but you felt like it changed dramatically since you dated. Knowing that he was all alone by himself, expect from living with his mother his whole life still breaks your heart. Never have you met someone more caring. He loves to make late night conversations while cuddeling up under the blankets, about everything that was going on in his head. Sometimes he had troubles explaining what he was trying to say but you loved his way of observing things around him. He payed attention wo every datail. You admired him, which he couldnt understand. He loved to be seen and he loved that you listened to him carefully. But he still wasnt sure why you loved him so much. You guess he wasnt used to this kind of attantion.

"Thats a good one,Arthur!"

He was getting sleepy "Yeah... you know what (YN) there are many more jokes in my journal, you know? I want you to read it. "

"The jokes?"

"The whole thing"

His eyes got heavier now.

"There are not only jokes in it" his eyes tried to focus on you "I was writing about you,too.I want you to read it"

Your hand slit under the blanket to caress his chest "About me? Really?"

"Yeah" the scar on his upper lip liftet when he did that smirk and it always made you blush. He even managed to make you blush while lying drunk on the couch. You felt kinda bad by getting turned on seeing him in this condition.

"I dont know Arthur, I feel like this is kinda personal. I dont want to disturb your privacy by reading your journal.

"Just do it!"

"Artie, you`re drunk. What if you dont want me to read it anymore in the morning?"

He was leaning  over to give you sloppy kisses again "Thats why I want you to read it now." He was pointing his finger at you "Hey, wanna hear another one?"

You gave him a soft kiss on his forehead "Get some sleep, Arthur. You need to rest now"

He falls back into the pillow and falls asleep with a smile on his face.

After you made sure he fell asleep you looked at his diary. He really said he wanted you to read it. And that he wrote about you.

You werent sure if you should take a look. This felt so personal. On the other hand... You were more than curious about what he might thought of you. You just started dating and had your first kiss some days ago. He was a really good kisser. You guessed he didnt really knew what to do at first but he was so emotionally involved. He seemed to soak up every second of the moment. Like he really wanted this. He was right there in the moment with you, which you loved.After the kiss he confessed that he never was with a woman before and you think he was a bit ashamed about it. But he still wanted you to know. You didnt mind. You thought it was cute actually. And you wanted nothing more than being his first. You would love him all night. Like he deserved to be loved.

Another stare at his diary. You put my hands on the cover. Arthur Fleck case number 064823. Sure he had some problems. But you wanted the both of you  to figure them out together. You wanted to hold his hand when he was in the waiting room to attent his appointments. You still werent sure what the exact diagnose was. You didnt wanted to upset him by asking too much about it. But you knew that he took anti depressants and anti psychotics.

You opened the first page of his diary. Some jokes, really dark ones. Mostly about death.

You turned the pages. Observations about homeless people. More dark jokes. Sad thoughts about being left alone.  You didnt really read all of it cuz it still felt like you were disturbing his privacy. So you tried to find the pages which are written about you and searched for your name to pop up and there is was.

Your name was written in big, red letters that looed like lipstick. With a big smiley. Your heart jumped out of my chest when you saw it. There was something so cute about it and you imagined him drawing this the night, after you met.

You took a deep breath and started to read as your hands were shaking.

"Today I met the sweetest girl. She was new in my neighborhood and seemed to be different from all those aweful bricks here in Gotham. She has a nice smile. An authentic one. Not like my own smile, which is never authentic for so many reasons. I dont even know what a real smile is. But when I saw her , I smiled and for the first time in my entire life  it felt like a real smile.

So she had those big packages to carry and i was just standing there, staring at her and suddenly she asked me for help. I was never been asked for help before. People tend to ignore and avoid me a lot. So I was very pleased to help her with her packages. We got into an conversation and I told her a joke. And she was laughing. I love it when people laugh at my jokes. I mean, I wanna do stand up comedy so bad. I need people to think that I`m funny. And I know I am. ---smiley face---

Anyway, I felt like finally someone sees me. The next day she came up to me when I was about to get to th pharmacy and she asked me out on a date. I couldnt belive it at first. I have never been on a date before. I was kinda nerveaus. Why would a beautiful, young woman like she is go out with me?

Of course I said yes.

I was dreaming about this for so long. Maybe she could be my girlsfriend. This would be a dream come true. I already told her that I have some issues, because she asked me why I was going to the city and I didnt thought twice and told her I have to buy my anti psychotics. I know that this wasnt a good move but it seems like it didnt scare her away. Well, she doesnt know how bad it really is by now.

I really hope that this time she is real and I`m not having visions or daydreams again.

Sometimes its hard to tell.

Some days I even think the meds make it even worse. But at the same time I am afraid to go off my meds. I did it once and I did some bad shit. I even ended up in Arkham for a very long time. Which wasnt that bad really.

Sometimes I think I felt better when I was locked up.

Not being able to leave my room, being with my thoughts all day, drifting away in daydreams gives me comfort. Its like ignoring the cold, dark world outside. The world doesnt care about me anyway. So why should I? The sad thing is, I still do care. I thought about ending my own life so amny times. Almost every day. But I never really tried it. Its just a game I play with myself.

How long? How long until it is not a game anymore?

How long till I have the guts to do it?

Oh man, I`m drifting away again. I wanted to talk about the GIRL!!!

She`s gorgeous. Just gorgeous.

I wish I could kiss her. I`m 35 and I hadnt had my first kiss yet. Its TIME!

I tried it once with this girls from scool i was in love with but I got so nerveaus that I started to laugh at her face and she thought I was laughing at her. Yeah well... she ended up punching me in the face and I never tried it ever since.

But I dreamed about it a lot. How would it feel to have someones lips pressed against yours? Softly and intense. To taste someones tongue in your mouth, to just melt into each other.I would never stop. I feel like a kiss is a connection on a higher level and I really wanna experience it with someone.

I got some other fantasies,too.

They`re pretty dirty and I dont feel like I can talk about them right now.

So i`m gonna quit writing for today and hope that the girl isnt already sick of me.

You turned the page and took a look at Arthur. He was humming in his sleep. Looking peaceful. All the words in his diary overwhelmed you up to a point where you didnt know what to think anymore. You hoped he enjoyed his first kiss. You really hoped your kiss was worth the wait.

The next page was just black scribbles all over the pages. Little drawings of people and cats. A lot of cats.

The next page was written on again.

"Today I woke up and wanted to die. I don`t even know why. It was just a gut feeling. I was miserable andthe darkness was caving in on me. But then I thought about the girls I just met and that she really seemed to like me. So I decited not to kill myself. Not today."

You thought about putting the diary aside. This was a lil too much for you. You didnt knew he was in such a dark place mentally. You were kinda scared but  couldnt stop reading eighter.

"So...I remembered her kiss, my first kiss and this memory was so strong. I am sure it wasnt just imagined. This time I am sure it was real. It has to be. I wanted to distract myself from suicidal thoughts and started to touch myself while thinking of her. Maybe I should write her a love letter. Or bring her flowers. Or both. I think I`ll do both. Anyway, I touched myself while thinking about sleeping with her and I finally felt something again. I tried so many times but my meds wouldnt let me cum. It barely happens. Thinking about her kiss, her hands in my hair, on my thights, between my legs.... and her sweet voice on my ear helped me a lot. I felt passion and  love and  I came so hard, you wouldnt even wanna know. I hope Penny was asleep and didnt noticed anything. This would be embarrassing as hell. I surely made some noises.

I imagined that I took her hand and made her dance all through the living room to Frank Sinatra songs and we got closer and kissed. She told me how much she loved me and how much she wanted me. I held her face in my hands and kissed her so hard, all my make up smeared up on her beautiful face. I am always wearing clown make up in my sexual fantasies. It makes me more confident.  

She just grabbed me and took my clothes off, threw them all over the room, threw me on the bed and covered my body with kisses. I felt loved for the first time in my life and all I wanted was to be inside her. To wear her like a coat that keeps me warm. I imagined her being on top of me, whispering in my ear how much she wants me to fuck her.  And yeah I know in reality she would have dominated me for sure. But in my imagination I just got on top of her and made love to her till she was out of breath. I could almost feel her breath in my neck, feel her sweet, soft hands all over me. It was just so real.  I wish it was real.

Could it become real some day?

My body was reacting in a way I didnt even knew was possible before.

I want to expercience it again. With even more details.

I think i wil get back to bed and try it one more time.

And afterwards I will write her a letter. Or two.

I just wish she never leaves again."

Blank page

Another blank page.

You put the diary aside and got up on the couch.

You crawled up under his blanket and felt the warmth of his tiney, fragile body which you want to hold for the rest of your life.

[shooks-stupid-stuff]

i have the text dump, it has lots of lore and will probably break the text limit-

SO BASICALLY JACIAN AND TAIANA SHIZ BASICALLY ALL I HAVE COME UP WITH FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND PLOT STUFF AND YES-

so basically they first meet in act 1 of the main plot (tm) which is really just adventure to go stop odd thing thats happening (idk exactly what atm but thats not really important).  Jarcian is basically a knight whos working for an unknown(at the time, we'll get to it later) person, and he has been tasked with impeding the progress of the main group.  how does he plan to do this? well, despite literally having troops at his disposal (who all adore him and are 100% loyal to him, they love their goofy captain), of course he challenges the main character group to a one on one duel, because he is just a goofy villain who fights fair and lives by his honor.  Of course Taiana accepts his challenge, being a knight herself, and they proceed to have a draw.  Out of respect, and because he's lowkey thrilled that someone has taken him seriously for once, Jacian concedes and retreats for the time being, but not before he and Taiana declare each other to be rivals (with like 75% of the main group just being so done with both of them and wanting to leave).  They have a few more encounters after this, with taiana always insisting that they take up his challenge fairly rather than just like have everyone defeat his forces because she feels he's not a bad guy and actually at this point considers him a friend, and after a while Jacian begins to think that he might be developing feelings for Taiana, which he really doesnt know how to feel about so he consults his second in command, Anton (short for Anthony; this man is just a side character but he is like the best side character ever and im 100% giving him a unique design bc he's just like the most supportive dude ever-). i plan on making a short comic based off the conversation they have but basically Jacian has his suspicions confirmed, and goes full panic attack and sad mode bc oops literal forbidden love this is so sad : pensive : .  There are like 2 more encounters between the main group and Jacian's group, both of which Jacian is just like being very obvious on accident but taiana has no idea what a social cue is so she just doesnt pick up on any of it, and then major plot shit happens and we're onto part 2.

in part 2, things get kinda angsty and really can split off in 2 different directions, with one being significantly less angsty than the other. basically, shit goes down, and all 3 of the main kingdoms are all just kinda in conflict now.  Taiana ends up becoming the queen of her kingdom (called Serenia) and, despite her appearingly newfound confidence and leadership skills, she is internally in turmoil due to previous plot events (and this only gets worse with future ones) and is beginning to fall into a state of self doubt due to the pressure she puts on herself to protect everyone coupled with the fact that she cant, and failed to protect her own father and brother.  After a bit of rebuilding and strategizing, Taiana decides to lead a counterattack against the neighboring kingdom of Grysia who's king, Natalio, has basically backstabbed every other kingdom and had invaded Serenia while the main group was out doing other stuff (his son is also part of the main group, and some real shit happens there but thats another tale for another ramble-).  It turns out that Jacian serves him, and is having one hell of a moral struggle right now.  His knights honor forbids him from betraying his lord, but he's unsure if he's truely doing the right thing as he's been complacent to so many inhumane atrocities that Natalio has preformed.  But in the end he decides that he must stick to his duty to the very end, no matter what (and let me just say, once natalio shows his true colors he does some bad shit, like really damn bad. but again, another disscussion for another day).  Eventually, the main group is pretty much on the castle's doorstep, and so Natalio makes the decision to send Jacian to put a stop to them. More specifically, to their leader, who at this point is Taiana.  Jacian of course, really doesnt want to (but as he later figures out, Natalio knows of his crush and plans on having the two destroy each other, with the result of one being killed and the other being emotionally destroyed. as I said, natalio is a very bad man), but his duty commands that he must, and so he tells Anton to make sure his troops escape the conflict together, and heads off to his final duel, where he intends to head to his grave and take his secret with him.  When he confronts the main group, he is much more solemn than he normally is, and he challenges Taiana to one final duel. and despite every other duel they had resulting in a draw, this one results in a loss from Jacian.  As a final wish, Jacian begs Taiana to take his life, as he'd rather die at her hands than at Natalios.

now, since im thinking about the plot in terms of it being a game, there actually is a branch in the plot based on a choice made at this point (mainly bc the angsty one is more interesting character development wise but the not angsty one makes me happy and i want to see these 2 be happy together-). so the two choices are basically to take Jacian's life, or to spare him.  ill go over what each choice leads to in order.

choose to take his life:  Taiana tries to take Jacian's life, but she just can't bring herself to.  She already internally feels as if she's lost or come close to losing many of the peopleshe holds dear, and she could never bring herself to kill someone she considers a friend.  Seeing this, Jacian smiles before apologizing to her for everything, and thanking her for the joy she's brought him, before telling her he loves her and taking his own life via stabbing his sword through his chest.  His intent is to save her the pain of taking his life by ding it for him, but this ends up pushing her over the edge, as she blames herself and sees it as yet another failure to protect someone she cared about.  The main group ends up defeating natalio and liberating Grysia, but Taiana is left with menatl and emotional wounds that would leave her unstable for much of the remaining plot. it doesnt help that she eventually realizes that she loved him too.  His former troops, which had deserted the war just as he asked, end up joining the Serenian military, with Anton becoming the captain of the knights.  This mainly leads to alot of character development for taiana, and how she learns to cope with and accept the fact that she cant protect everyone, no matter how much she wants to.  (there also is another really angsty part later bc main villian has some bs powers but uhh we've had enough sad i thinkand this is getting really long-)

choose to spare him:  Taiana refuses to take Jacian's life, to which Jacian retorts that she had to if she wanted to get past.  Of course, she once again refuses as she wont harm someone she cares about, especially when she's already lost people she cares about and is really close to just losing it.  She then states that if one of them had to die, the he should take he life, much to his dismay.  She stands firm on this, and he attempts, but his feelings finally overpower his sense of duty, and he just cant.  but at the same time, his honor won't let him betray his lord, and if he goes back he will just be killed.  He and taiana argue a bit, with taiana trying to convince him to join her before finally breaking down and just letting out everything she's had pent up inside since the the end of part 1 of the plot (different story for a different day)  Jacian lets out some emotional baggage of his own, including confessing his feelings for taiana,which she is completely surprised about.  They talk and mildly argue for a bit more, with Jacian eventually surrendering to his feelings, and vowing to right the wrongs made by his complacency before thanking Taiana for helping him to remember why he became a knight in the first place, and abandoning his old sense of honor to take up arms with the main group and find a new sense of honor, fighting for the people as taiana does rather than just for one corrupt man.  Natalio really isnt suprised by this, and simply says that he'll send them both to the grave by his own hands, before being defeated by the main group with the help of Jacian's troops because yknow, theyre loyal to Jacaian before theyre loyal to the king.  During the 6-year skip between part 2 and 3, Taiana and Jacian end up getting married, and similarly to the other option Anton is appointed captaianof the Serentian Knights, and remains a close friend to Jacian (along with the rest of his troops, theyre his bois).  This mainly leads to more development of Jacian and how he interacts with the other charcaters in the main group, as well as him helping taiana to cope with many of her insecurities and issues, and offering support in a way that none of the other characters in the main group can (i meant to not this earlier as well, she may be very close to other characters as well, such as xayvion, but they just dont understand certain aspects of her personality deep down as well as Jacian does. The two are just a pair of overly excessive goofy knights, and though they may be slightly different they understand each other in a way no one else does).

and uhh thats basically it, this was way more than i meant to write and i really need to go to sleep now so uh yeet- anyways i love these 2, thank you for coming to my ted talk-

[curlytemple]

niche interests list 

okay sure yes this is fun! i havent posted a thing like this in such a long time. thank you new gal pal @scottspack for tagging me! 

pigs????

alright first lets throw it back to preschool! my fav childhood toys were my baby doll (snookums) and a plush pig that my grandma got me that i just called ‘pig’ ...i watched the babe movies countless times, and piglet? that anxious little guy GETS ME bro. when my preschool did a nativity play and my class got to choose an animal to be in baby jesus’ manger, my mother recalls me saying that i would be a pig because jewish people (jesus christ) wouldnt eat me. she has no idea how or when i learned about kosher foods. ironically despite my namesake i was too afraid of the movie charlotte’s web to watch it more than once because the scary farmer tries to kill wilbur for being small and the pretty spider dies. 

sugar creek gang 

OKAY this is a book series from the 40s-70s about a group of christian little boys in indiana who went on adventures in the woods and helped people. my dad read a LOT of chapter books to me as bedtime stories when i was little (see also the mandie series, nancy drew and the hardy boys, little house on the prairie) but sugar creek gang is one that really hit. i read all 36 books with dad and at least once again on my own. there was a series of 4 or 5 movies in the early 2000s when i was the Perfect age to have a crush on most if not all of them. this might be too much detail but i have to tell you about these boys. we WILL not be revisiting the heavy religious themes. 

 the narrator is bill who is Good and Kind and wants to be a doctor when he grows up. his best friend is a chubby boy nicknamed poetry because he memorizes and quotes poems, he is the Detective of the group. BIG JIM is the leader of the group who is supposed to be like, 14, which was very cool and hot, to me. and yes there is a little jim, who is the baby of the group. then there is CIRCUS who is known for his climbing and acrobatics, and his FIVE SISTERS AND BEAUTIFUL SINGING VOICE. dreamboy. i’m almost done listing boys, i promise. a boy called dragonfly who is allergic to everything and hella superstitious. later in the series a new boy named tom moves to town and tom has an older brother bob who is NOT A CHRISTIAN (bully) 

tangentially, the buttercream gang, a movie from 1992 that was almost definitely made by some christians who grew up reading the sugar creek gang series which i’m guessing on vibes alone. will spare you Good Boy details but scott is in love with his best friend pete who moves to chicago and falls in with a bad crowd and scott just refuses to stop LOVING HIM. very gay christian film in retrospect. 

peter pan

so i know liking disney’s peter pan isnt niche, but it was the way i liked it. tinker bell stan from day one, i watched all of those disney fairies movies, even the ones that came out after i was definitely not intended audience. there was an online pixie hollow game where you could design your own fairies and play mini games where you gathered dew drops or something. had a HUGE CRUSH on jeremy sumpter in peter pan (2003) then i got really darkly obsessed with the idea of growing up when i was 12 or 13, and everything peter pan was deeply My Shit for my entire adolescence. i read the original book and every other twisted version of the story i could find and seriously freaked myself out about wasting my youth. 

shug

you’ve probably heard of jenny han now, or at least the netflix adaptations for to all the boys i’ve loved before and the sequel ps i still love you (always and forever, lara jean, coming soon?) but before she wrote THOSE, she wrote my first ever Favorite Book, about annemarie “shug” wilcox, a girl in the summer before starting middle school. it is SO engraved on my heart i cannot explain. i felt so incredibly understood and cant even tell you how many times i read it. thinking about all of the ways it made me feel SEEN is actually making me very tender so i’m gonna go on.  

the summer series

on the subject of jenny han, since she was now my Favorite author, when she came out with the summer i turned pretty in 2009, i was ALL IN. it’s not summer without you, and we’ll always have summer were published the next two years. a coming of age series about a girl isabel “belly” conklin who stays at her mother’s best friend's house at the beach in the summers. i really could talk about it forever yall. i actually dont know how to be succinct about it. i will try. her mom’s friend has TWO BOYS. one brother, jeremiah, is the golden boy and her best friend who is in love with her! the older one CONRAD is her childhood crush who's just sort of around while belly is firmly getting over her childish feelings and going out and experiencing teen beach life with jeremiah for the first time and figuring out who she is and wants to be! by the end of the summer he admits he feels differently about her (hence belly internalizing this as The Summer I Turned Pretty) and they get together. this is already too much so i will just say that the next two books deal with a PROFOUND LOSS and the selfishness of grief and the SELFLESSNESS OF CONRAD and i will absolutely lose my shit if netflix picks it up for a second jenny han series adaptation. 

pappyland

this was a kids show in the 90′s that features a character named Pappy Drew-It, an artist dressed like a 49er who lives in a magic cabin in pappyland. there’s tons of characters and music and life lessons but the meat of every episode is a detailed drawing how-to (pappy is actually a cartoonist, michael cariglio) and i have a hard back cover sketch book from my grandpa that i FILLED with drawings that pappy and DOODLEBUG taught me to do. there is a running gag that pappy always breaks his crayons.  

boy meets world

i KNOW this is beloved by many but i’m counting it because i’m simply too young to have such an obsession with it! the show ran from 1992-2000. i was born in 1996, but reruns on the disney channel and abc family cemented it as one of my favorite shows. cory and shawn, closer than brothers, shameless homoromantics, shawn is cory’s first wife!!!!! truly showed me what a best friend can and should be!!!!!! the great love of your life!!!!! TOPANGA, the og weird feminist girl who said stop shaving your legs and start speaking your mind, ladies! the characters are so richly developed that they are real people to my heart. YES every character on this show is in their late 30s-early 40s and YES i feel like we grew up together. in season one they’re in the 6th grade and we follow them all the way to COLLEGE. countless poignant life lessons, often literally dictated by the wise and hilarious MR. FEENY, cory’s next door neighbor and somehow one of his teachers for YEARS. my love was only solidified by the 2014 girl meets world reboot, centered on cory and topanga’s daughter and her best friend. (which was literally cancelled because disney didn’t want to transition from a kids show to a teen show, something essential to the original. also because that teen show would have had CANON LESBIANS. extremely shameful move in 2017!) boy meets world lives rent free in my heart and i will never evict it!!!!!!!

i consulted my mother when i got stumped for more and she reminded me that i had obsessions with the impressionist art period and babies and ANYTHING fairies or pixies, and i was way too young when my love of the canadian teen after school special degrassi began. she also said bob ross, which i was hesitant to include because he’s been super ~trendy in recent years, but to be fair (To Be Faaairrr) she’s right! i don’t think people really watched the joy of painting as much as i have throughout my life. best sick day show of all time.

lastly i could honestly list anna herself as a niche interest, my mom actually metioned that ive always hyperfixated on my girl friends (gay) but i’ll just note that YES friday night lights, YES barry lyga novels. love to share so many things with you, niche or not, they’re niche in Our Mind.

[faefulli]

(pick and choose if u don't wanna do all) ☄️ for eclipse, 🍵 for nokova, 💧 for sun, 🧠 for aurora, 🗣️ for wynter, 🕰️ for sirius, 🗺️ for earth, 💍 for mars, 🎁 for saturn, 🎨 for sun, AND 📓 for eclipse

Theres a lot here so it goes under a cut!!!

☄️ Does your OC believe in fate and destiny or do they think it’s a load of garbage? Would they ever get this fortune told? What would a fortune-teller tell them about their future?

Eclipse thinks fate is a load of shit rjghkr he’s been through enough to know, in his mind anyway, the only thing stopping you from getting what you want is what youre willing to do to attain it. He believes you carve your own path in life and doesnt need someone else to tell him how to do anything.

🍵 Are there any rumours about your OC hanging around? Nasty ones or just good humoured? Got any gossip to share about them?

“Well I heard from Ninka, who heard from Yukin who heard from Flora that the king talks to the doves when he thinks no ones watching, Flora said she heard him talking to the bird like a close friend and calling it ‘Fieyro’. He must be a little loopy from inhaling all that dragon smoke!!!!!”

💧 What makes your OC lose hope, what makes them give up and feel helpless? Have they ever given up on something really important or let go of a dream? What are some of their biggest regrets? Would they ever try again (if they’re able to)?

Sun finds it hard to not be optimistic, hes often the light in the darkness both figuratively and literally for some people whether he means to be or not, but when he himself cant find that light for himself? its easy for him to loose sight of even his own light. His light is his family!!! everything he does he does for him, his strength is for them. Taking that away from him is a sure fire way to break that man, taking away his reason to fight snuffs his fire out completely!

(tw for abusive/unhealthy relationship)

though if you wanna get more nuanced and angsty about it, tau broke sun down so easily because of the way tau did it, tau made himself someone important to sun by taking him under his wing and teaching him how to use his powers when he first formed as a star, and then nitpicking everything about him in the sweetly condescending way he did once sun looked up to him the way that he did. sun was (and still does struggle with this in present day) so worried about how this extremely important person in his life perceived him he hung onto every word and would begin to feel worthless and give up when he couldnt please.

(tw over)

that little tangent wasnt really related but [shrug] have fun with that

🧠 Talk about your OCs mental health! Do they have any specific triggers or ways to practice self care? What are some things that are more difficult for them to do because of their mental health?

I can’t talk about this one too too much because some of the party follows me here and auroras backstory is kinda shhshhshh but ill tell u on discord teeheehee

🕰️ Has there been an event that happened in your OCs past that affects their future or one that they think about still? Is this a bad event or a good one? What are a few of their childhood memories they can recall?

Sirius will never forget the day he became the only sirius, when he lost B everything became very quiet in their system. B isnt dead, but has run their course in life and is laying comatose in their home in the empty space. 

🗺️ Does your OC like going on adventures? Have they ever discovered something really interesting and significant or are they just too busy getting lost? Where is their favourite place they’ve been? Least favourite?

Earth loves adventuring when he can sneak away from his dad!!!!! surprisingly he loves colder places on his planet because snow is a pretty foreign concept to celestials! he knows about ice yeah, but this powdery??? fluffy white ice???? love it fun to throw at people, easy to cause chaos with, 10/10. hes found things he thinks are cool, like shiny things, interesting rocks hes never seen, new plants things like that!!!!

🎁 What would be the perfect gift to buy your OC? What would be the worst gift? Are they themselves any good at gifting things or are they really indescisive? How do they wrap their presents?

Saturn loves buying gifts for people, because they analyze people to easily, very insightful 10/10! They like to wrap presents themselves in paper because they find the process of measure cut wrap ribbon tie repeat very calming to do. Saturn likes things they can use to make things with! fabric paints, ribbons, fabric, hell theyll even take re gifted clothes and make them into something new! worst thing you could get saturn tho is something like overly gender labeled tho, like a shirt thats overly gendered or something like that, otherwise theyll find a way to use what you get them

🎨 Is your OC artistic? Can they draw or paint or do they prefer another medium? Are they a writer or musician or do they do something else? Give us a quick run down of what they can get creative with!

sun really likes markers and paints but for the reason of he likes drawing on his skin! he likes to see what he can do with the fact that his freckles can shine through most of the paint and it poses a neat challenge to him! he also likes singing but thats more so like a thing he does when hes alone and doesnt like to do around others that much

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 2x12 Review SPOILERS!!!!!!

Okay let's do this. Sorry I skipped one but times are hectic. For entertainment I give it an 8/10. Same format. Dislikes, likes and highlights

Dislikes

1. Macy Kneeling to Abby.

Let's just get this one out the way. I can see where they might have been going with this.

They maybe are trying to move away from the ambiguous route with abby (trying to make her sympathetic with her whole patriarchy thing and her dead mom) I mean she is progressively becoming more predatory with Harry so with that in mind, this was possibly one of the "abby is really a bad person not a feminist as she is only out for her own gain and not the empowerment of all women". And I can get that maybe they were also trying to show "look Macy is willing to do the most degrading thing possible just for the chance at rebuilding that power of three/charmed bond with her sisters for the protection of the magical community".

But listen.....

We all know Abigael isnt a star feminist. We already know (although we dont exactly know) that she has some sort of plan up her sleeve to be weary of.

There has been too much attempted ambiguity and the main characters letting her get away with terrible things that the message isnt coming across.

Plus Maybe yes showing Macy being willing to do something that really probably hurt all of us (epecially those of us who are minorities) to watch, may have been to drive home the differences between her and Macy and play up Macy's love for her sisters

But like we know Macy and Abby arent similar (as much as you writers tried to play that up at first). And you know just adding more sister bonding moment and just the fact that Macy was willing to go to abby after all the previous stuff was enough to show she was desperate? Maybe just add more sister bonding moments so we can see how dedicated they are to each other?

Maybe? Just saying.

If the writers are finally going to commit to Abby being a full on villian then I guess the seen was worth cementing that she is horrible (sort of).

Here's my question though as I consider whether the scene was worth it. Who is this show for and what is it trying to show? I mean if it is for minorities and women then i can see how showing these historical and current issues (conflict of power and consideration among women where race is concerned) then I guess showing it and having that controversy makes sense. But like we live it.

As minorities we already know. I know I struggle between wanting my experience shown and also wanting to watch something where for once the minority characters arent subjected to that experience. Charmed did better at addressing controversy and women's issues in season 1. I dont care if it was "obvious" or "heavy handed" because when it is not you basically get the kneeling scene where you dont know what the point was, if it was necessary, and are left feeling hurt or bitter about it.

2. Hacy Kiss.

Listen Brenda/on, this is on my like and dislike list. I will mention what I dislike about it.

The first thing is that it was a fantasy. I mean yes I like that we get full on confirmation that Macy has romantic feelings for Harry and not just considering that she might have them, but I honestly hate the fact that they would tease us like that. Especially when Macy is at a low moment. Which I will get into.

They are kinda ruining Macy for me. Listen, at this point they havent given us enough insight into Macys feelings or thoughts to understand why she isnt pursuing Harry. We can speculate and infer based on previous seasons and some of what the writers or showrunners say on twitter, but this season itself hasnt done much in showing Macy's thought process and so it falls flat. It isnt her reluctance to let people in or not wanting to get involved with someone after Galvin since she does pursue Julian and gets serious relatively quickly. She, at least now we it is confirmed, has those feelings for Harry, but is still choosing to be with someone else inspite of those feelings. I hate that. Harry is obviously tempted by abby and is being naive with her, but he isnt pursuing her and has blocked her advances (except the kiss) so far which may change who knows, but the point is if Macy was just casually dating and enjoying Julian's company I would be like okay, still hate that she would lead someone on when she has feeling for someone else, but if its casual there is less of a chance of the other person being hurt.

I cant get behind Julian x Macy, not because of Julian (who so far is perfect and probably going to be a villian or some how connected to the villians because it is a common trope) but because of Macy. Julian x Macy isnt Healthy because Macy knows she has feelings for someone else. She is using him. That isnt to say she doesnt genuinely like or care about him, but at the end of the day she is using him. Which is crappy because Julian so far seems like a great guy and doesnt deserve being the "distraction". I mentioned this all the time but my least favorite love triangles are the ones where one person is using the other.

Healthy would be Macy and Julian being friends while she works through her feelings and then decides who she wants to be with. Not being with someone while having feelings for someone else.

Macy was shown in season 1 to be rational and could be rational to the point of compartmentalizing and coming off as cold. So maybe that is where they are drawing from, but again little effort has been made on the part of the writers to show what's going on in her brain other than that fantasy kiss. And again I am still like....okay so what does that mean in the long run you butts!!!

3. Helen's suicude

I am so iffy about how shows portray people completing suicide. Like on one hand I get that them showing her exercising free will, but suicide portrayed as a positive rather than a tragedy is just....ugh for me. I still am not sure how I feel overall about it.

Lore wise I hate that they use it to explain why Harry and jimmy couldnt kill each other, because in an interview rupert claimed Harry was immortal now because of the elder thing and the show said it in that first episode. So like are both true? So if harry tries to stab himself like Helen will he just end up back in the coffin and alive since she is immortal?

I mean we are 12 episodes in and have about 10 to go so we really should be working towards a cohesive lore and storyline not adding confusing or not well explained layers. The world building they did in the first half was a lot better which makes me wonder what they heck is going on in the writing room.

Likes

1. Parkerita

Let me explain. While I fancy Jordan x Maggie together. I'd prefer that be a slow burn and steady friendship first. Parker seems to be Maggie's first love. It makes sense that she is still grieving and holding on. While I kind of wanted to be done with Parkerita in fairness to all the season 1 romances that where tossed out, I like the nod to Phole. I felt the OG Phole relationship was not healthy, but I liked the tradgedy of it. I think if new Charmed wants to wrestle with that and do it better (although my faith in the writers is low right now) then I wouldnt be against it. I love a good tradgedy and I sat through Phole so I'll sit through this one.

2.Hacy kiss

I love that the writers finally did something to show us what is going on in Macys brain. I need more (not necessarily Harry fantasies but I wont complain if we get more of those). I do hope a real Hacy kiss is a bit different because one one hand the fact Macy wanted to kiss harry when she was feeling down says something to me about how she feels about him and that she still trusts him (but it could, If I wanted to be cynical, just be more evidence that Macy skews towards using people when she is repressing or feeling down although she didnt actually kiss him, if she had I think I would have not liked it in that particular moment given it would have felt more like using him that expressing feelings)

Highlights

1. Abby really thinks no means maybe 😒 . . .

2. Mel is a lesbian magnet and I'd be fine with her just casually dating while all this other crap is going on as long as she is happy

2. Helen

3. These horror movie vibes though!!

[softforcal]

the roommate!5sos AU continued with Poly 4/4?

ROOMMATE!5SOS POLY CONTINUED

-you were leaving your job at the coffee shop when you bumped into a guy with bright hair coming out from the stairway leading up to the apartment above

-as he helped you pick up your things you mused that we was lucky to be living above the cafe because it must always smell like coffee

-he casually says, “i mean, if you’re looking for a place, one of our rooms just opened up.”

-you stop and stare at him and he explains that his friend Luke moved in with his girlfriend so the rooms available and he was going to make a post about it online but he won’t even bother if you’re actually interested

-”you know what? yeah. i’m interested.”

-exchanging numbers and the next day you agree to see the apartment after a shift when he and his other two room mates will be there

-showing up with free coffee

-”i like you already coffee girl.” Ashton smirks as soon as he sees your offering of coffee

-you’re kinda shook because you had thought you’d only have to deal with one hot room mate, Michael, but his friends are hot too?!

-part of you is like dont move in because they’re all hot

-but part of you is like do move in because they’re all hot

-its a decent apartment

-like… a four bedroom, two bathroom with an open concept kitchen living room?

-and you were right about the smell of coffee

-and because there’s already three living there its actually fairly well priced because the rent is split four ways

-you’d have to share a bathroom with one of them but that’s not the worst thing

-and its right above your work.

-you hang out for a while, getting to know the guys to see if it would be a good fit

-”i’ll take it.” “really!?” group hug

-Ashton and Calum are super down to help you move all your stuff in but Michael isnt as down, he just chills in the living room and plays video games and yells at the guys about being careful

-when its all finished you all somehow manage to collapse onto the couch together and end up playing video games

-Calum’s actually a great cook?

-the first week is a bit difficult, getting used to people’s schedules and figuring out how to share a bathroom with Michael

-a week in and you’d already helped Michael dye his hair

-you hear a lot about their old room mate Luke and they all seem to be on the phone with him a lot, you gather that his whole new relationship apartment isnt working out

-you first meet Luke when you come home one day and he’s on the couch with Calum and he looks pretty rough

-but he still smiles and says hello

-he seems nice too

-you’re in your room later that night and you hear the other three in the kitchen talking about Luke.

-”i just don’t know what we can do.” “we can’t kick Y/N out.” “so where else can he go.” “i mean, he can stay in my room, its the biggest one-” “another guy living here? we need to talk to Y/N about it.”

-you peak your head out and are just like, “if Luke needs to move back in, i can find a new place-” but they’re all super against it.

-”i have space for him in my room, but having another guy here-” Ashton begins but you cut him off, “no, definitely. i don’t mind.”

-so Luke moves back in and stays in Ashton’s room which does have enough space for both

-Luke’s pretty beaten up about everything so a lot of just hanging out and making him feel better

-Michael spends way too much time playing video games in the living room

-and when he’s not there he’s in his bedroom talking to his team mates on pc games

-Ashton somehow fit an electric drum kit into his room so he can play without it being loud but somehow you can still hear his sticks hitting the pats and you feel bad for any girl who’s ass becomes that boys drum kit

-or jealous. jealous is a good word

-Calum’s pretty quiet but he’s a good room mate, always down to cook for you or listen to your problems

-he’s just a chiller

-Luke sings too loud in the shower

-and this boy could burn boiling water

-he’s kind of a walking human disaster

-movie nights where they all talk way too much

-they talk about making a band but never actually ever do it

-Ashton sometimes walks you to work. which sounds sweet but all he has to do is go down a flight of stairs so screw this guy

-your co workers all being jealous because they’re all so hot

-”thats your roommate?” “no i thought her roommate was that gorgeous blonde guy with the sad eyes.” “they both are.”

-they come down during your shifts sometimes to hang out, especially during the non-busy hours

-Ashton will flirt with your co-workers but Calum is the one you have to watch out for

-he’s quiet but all your coworkers are just so in love with his ‘dreamy eyes’

-they always draw smiley faces on his coffee cups when they make him coffee

-Luke comes down to be sweet and say hi and you’re coworkers call him “angel” because he’s beautifully angelic

-and then there’s Michael. he always knows how to make your coworkers laugh

-”oh my god did you see his smile?” “yes, i live with him.”

-you can never bring boys over because unless you sneak him into your room, the guys will for sure make a deal about it

-and if you bring girls over they’ll fawn over your room mates and that can be super annoying so no thank you

-its so weird when girls are over with them. i mean. they are 20 year old boys

-whenever you go into the living room in the morning to see Luke on the couch its not long before a girl runs out of Ashton’s room and out the front door

-they invite you to boys night clubbing

-on Fridays they do clubbing, you know that because the house is dead quiet on Saturday mornings because they’re all passed out

-finding Calum asleep on the kitchen counter one Saturday morning

-taking care of Michael in your shared bathroom because he’s puking

-watching Saturday cartoons and they all trudge into the room sooner or later

-Calum’s usually first and he likes to lay down with his head on your lap

-Luke likes tummy rubs when he’s hung over

-Ashton always try to make it seem like he’s not that hung over but lets just say cowboy hats and sunglasses are a Saturday thing

-so you go out on a friday

-and you end up being dragged onto the dance floor

-they’re all protective of you which means you somehow end up in the middle of all four

-Ashton knows how to sexy dance… hands

-Michael’s kinda awkward but its all good

-Luke is a puppy who just wants to dance with friends

-Calum looks bored most of the night but he also knows how to dance to the beat

-any guy that flirts with you has to watch out for these four showing up

-the night ends with all five of you just heading home together without any hook ups

-Calum carries you home while the other three drunkenly walk around you

-its so hard for all of them to try to fit through the front door at once

-Calum puts you in bed and goes back into the living room where they’re all kinda just like “are we going to talk about the fact that Y/N is sexy as fuck yet or are we going to continue to ignore the elephant in the room.”

-”we can not flirt with our roommate.” “why not?” “because…. just because.”

-now you’re the hung over one and they all want to take care of you

-Calum’s the first one to show up and you just drag him onto the bed to cuddle onto his chest

-so who’s going to cook you breakfast? Not Luke. that’s all i can say.

-Ashton cooks something and comes and sits at the foot of your bed with you and Calum

-Michael comes and jumps into the bed on the other side of you while Ashton makes room for Luke

-somehow you’re all fitting

-”you guys know you’re ruining my sex life right?” (Luke chokes on his water)

-Calum likes to walk around shirtless

-Michael sometimes walks in and goes pee while you’re in the shower

-trying to do the same thing to him and he screamed

-borrowing Ashton’s button ups sometimes because they are so sexy

-braiding Luke’s hair because with that much hair someone’s gotta braid it

-i feel like Calum and Ashton are the ones who do the shopping. you sometimes go with but it usually ends up with them chasing you around the store and Ashton trying to tell you how much sugar is in everything you’re buying because health is important

-impromptu dance parties with Luke where you both sing at the top of your lungs

-Calum walks in on the dance parties and sits down and watch with a grin, Ashton shows up and definitely makes the dancing more sexual whereas Michael just puts his face in his hands and laughs

-probably getting drunk one night and playing Never Have I Ever and Truth or Dare

-my 4/4 things always get to a point where you gotta choose one and i can’t do that for you so i gotta stop but if people want it i can continue this for each guy

————————————————————-POLY5SOS CON’T HERE

-so never have i ever

-these boys looked into Polyamory because they are so fucking wrecked that none of them can make a move because they made a pact

-”truth.” you say. “you’re no fun.” Michael groans but Ashton shushes him, turning to you, “what do you think about Polyamory?”

-you’re kinda taken aback by the question

-you expected something dirty but no?

-”well uhhhh…. i mean it’s an interesting idea. i think with the right communication it could work really well.” you kind of look at all your room mates because why the fuck was that a question

-the game continues and as soon as it’s one of their turns the question goes back to you again, “i really think you should give someone else a turn Mikey.” you laugh

-”nope, truth or dare?”

-you really don’t want a dare from Michael. like out of all of them he’s the one you’re sure would really try to mess with you

-”truth.” you sigh

-he is visibly upset that you chose truth but sighs, “would you be down for a poly relationship with all of us?”

-oooop. there it is.

-looking at all of them. “you guys totally planned this!” you scream

-”answer the question.” Michael grins

-you sigh, taking a swig of your choice of alcohol that you’ve been drinking this whole time, “well i mean we already all live together and you’re all hot as fuck so yeah probably.”

-you turn to Luke, “okay, you’re turn Luke. truth or dare?”  and you know this little fuck is going to say truth because he hasn’t done a dare all night

-”truth.”

-”tell me who came up with this whole Poly thing. spill everything Luke. every. single. detail.”

-he looks at you and gulps then just begins to spill all the goods

-”Michael thought you were cute which is why he offered you a room and when you showed up and you were cute everyone freaked out a little but made a pact not to do anything about it but then Ashton was talking about Polyamory one day and we all looked into it and thought it was a good idea.”

-”so Ashton is the mastermind?”

-”yeah.”

-Ashton is just sitting there with a grin, “i still think its a good idea.”

-so now it’s Luke’s turn but how is he even going to ask anything, they’re all too shook that you would be down

-”umm… Ash, truth or dare?” Luke asks

-and of course Ashton is always down for a “dare”

-”kiss Y/N.”

-of fucking course

-you should have known that would also be part of their plan

-but you never thought Luke would betray you like that. “i mean, if you’re cool with it Y/N.” Luke clarifies. okay. he’s forgiven.

-you sigh and look at Ashton, “okay, go for it.”

-don’t have to tell this boy twice

-he moves closer and cups your face, bringing your lips to his

-his tongue slides against your bottom lip and then his teeth graze it too and you open your mouth slightly, leaning into the kiss

-it lasts longer than you intended

-only ending when Michael says “holy fuck.” and it snaps you out of this little Ashton world you were in

-you pull away and immediately feel yourself flush as Ash grins

-you can’t believe you’re doing this. with your roommates

-your work mates are going to shit a brick

-”so how would you guys want to do this?” you ask

-”it’s not your turn.” Michael laughs

-”screw this game, you guys accomplished what you wanted didn’t you?” you laugh, “seriously, how the fuck is this going to work?”

-having a long discussion about it

-Ash wants to go out and take you on a date but Luke and Michael are too tired, so it’s you, Ash and Cal

-they’re a dream team

-it’s a cute date, holding both of their hands

-getting back to the apartment… and like… they’ve been handsy all night

-ending up in your room

-yeah, they both dom as fuck

-of course the three of you wake up Michael and Luke who show up and are like “what the actual fuck.”

-so of course they join

-and it’s one big mass sex thing but it just works.

-waking up squished between two of them with the other two touching you somehow with an arm thrown over two bodies to get to you

-and they’re all so beautiful all sleepy

-ya’ll need to buy a bigger bed

-they’re all so cuddly

-they all groan a ton too because no one wants to wake up

-the entire pack walking you down the stairs to work

-they all want to be the last one to kiss you

-your work mates are shook as fuck

-they all go upstairs and are just like that was fucking wild

-Luke and Michael meet you after work and take you out for dinner for their date with you

-they’re also super sweet

-Michael teases you about getting some ‘sugar’ when you all get home

-getting there and Cal and Ash are gone

-so Muke threesome

-like, these boys tend to be home in pairs throughout the day and then everyone is usually home by dinner

-so dinners are a thing

-Cal usually cooks for all of you but you guys all try to help

-nudity is chill now that you’re all seeing each other

-like, so much nudity

-so much sex too

-and you’re all together so sex anywhere in the apartment

-Michael is a shower fucker because ya’ll share a bathroom

-Cal likes to eat on the kitchen counter and you’re his favourite meal

-Luke is a fan of the couch

-and Ashton will bend you over anywhere, he aint picky

-they get so used to just sex everywhere

-like Luke gets home and Cal has you on the kitchen counter, his face between your thighs and Luke just is like “hey” and Cal pulls away briefly to be like “sup.” before diving back in.

-Calum asking you and Luke which outfit to wear out while Luke fucks you into the couch, “the blue one or the grey one?” “fuck, Cal, the blue one.” “you like that babe? and yeah, Cal, the blue.”

-like lets be real here. the apartment becomes a sex dungeon.

-it would be hella.

-someone is always down for “the sex”

-hanging out 24/7

-im going to be real. im tired and have been sitting looking at this one for ages. imma stop it here, sorry fam. but sex. a lot.

[stressedspidergirlsfandomblog]

Pt12

"You barely ate anything," Keith protests. He can see the bones in Shiro's face are more sharply defined, now.

Watching Curtis slide in behind Shiro and wrap his arms around the other man's middle, Keith wonders if Shiro would even sit up without the support. He seems frail. He's never seemed frail before. Never.

"I put the soup bowl back mostly full," he continues. "We brought sushi, if you'd rather..."

Krolia takes the cue to bring food over from the counter. Along with drinks and Lance gets up to help her load the coffee table with silverware and food.

"Or pizza," Matt suggests.

"Or if youre queasy... Soup or juice."

Shiro breathes out through his nose.

"Patience yields focus," Keith, Matt, Pidge, and Lance all day in perfect unison.

Shiro just wrinkles his nose in mock irritation by way of response. Leaning over he picks up one of the juice packets and makes a big show of being unable to open it one handed. He could if he wanted to.

Curtis snorts, and wrestles the packet away to crack it open and pass it back. But not before faking a hand over and then taking a long drink of it, first.

"Gross," Shiro mutters.

"You've had my tongue in your mouth, but sharing a drink is where you draw the line? Well guess where else I guess my mouth doesn't belong."

"Oh, no gross. No, not cool." Lance pretends to cover his ears. "Even referencing old people sex is nasty!"

"Old!" Shiro says indignantly as he can. Play along. Fake it till you make it.

Tempted to make an experience joke, Curtis feels it might hit a sore spot. For all he knows Lance has done a little dating recently.

"Yeah I mean you look like a grandpa, why don't you dye it?" Matt asks. Mostly still teasing.

"So i can look as tired as I feel?' Shiro tries. It falls flat. "The senior citizen discount is better than the one for veterans...." He tries, working a smile onto his face.

Lance looks at him, and lightly touches the Altean marks on his cheeks. "Its for her, isnt it?" He asks, eyes overbright. He's really moving on fine. But he'd never thought all those times Shiro checked on him, that Shiro was still grieving, too.

Looking down and away he presses his lips into a thin line so they won't tremble. Taking a drink of juice, he lets the flavor roll over his tongue. At least no one's pushing him to eat.

When Shiro finishes off his drink, Lance makes eye contact with Curtis. Shifting back, he understands. And isn't shocked when Shiro is slammed into him and Lance's arms dig into his middle.

"I miss her, too," Pidge says abruptly, and Lance holds out an arm. She squishes into the pile. "Keith just get your ass in here," she snaps irritably and he 'reluctantly' joins. Curtis shifts away, letting Keith take his spot. Keith settles behind Shiro, supporting him.

"I'm really sorry about Adam, too," Keith says softly. "I let you blow me off once and I never... We both loved him."

"I never even thought to check..." Matt says. "After you left, he and I got closer. He was a good guy."

Shiro's shoulders start to shake in silent sobs.

Colleen and Sam have finished up enough to know the topic has turned to Adam. "He knew how you felt about him," Sam promises. "And he knew you were alive and coming home." If that helps he doesn't know, but hopefully it's better than knowing nothing. "I think he was excited to see you. Even if you two never were going to be the way you were before."

Curtis quietly does his best to explain to Krolia who Adam was. She knows Allura.

"It doesn't upset you? Them praising him?"

"That's Takashi's past. I'm his present, and I hope...his future."

Krolia shrugs. Humans are weird.

At some point the grieving winds down and concludes. Keith is gently rubbing Shiro's back and trying to reassure him. For all he knows his brother is mortified at having broken down in front of witnesses.

Curtis drags over a box of tissues that gets passed around.

"Okay my turn, move aside boys," Colleen says, forcing the paladins to clear out until she has a path to Shiro. Pulling him into a tight hug, she's gratified when he leans into her and hugs back. Patting his back gently, she kisses the side of his head. "I don't know when we forgot you were just a young pilot... Not much older than Matt. You've always been like family to us."

Shiro tries to brush her comments aside but she's not having it.

"Sam knew you were the best. And somewhere along the way we forgot you were anything other than a leader. We forgot to be family. You and Adam and Keith were one. And at the Garrison it was you, Sam, and Matt."

"I was your boss," he points out, voice muffled by her shoulder.

"Moms trump all military rankings. I'm always able to veto you," she tells him reassuringly.

"Pff," he protests, only to scrunch his face when she peppers him with kisses.

"Earth mothers have no shame," Curtis comments to Krolia quietly.

"Make a comment like that and you're next," Collen warns. "We're all family here."

"Why does that sound like a threat?" Keith asks, grunting when Shiro pushes against him in a lackluster attempt to escape more affection.

"Because it is," Pidge and Matt say in unison.

"Holt family hug!" Sam insists, bunching up his kids closer to his wife.

Curtis isn't sure how it happens but somehow they all end up squeezed together in a group hug. It's not comfortable, and thankfully it doesn't last long, but it feels kind of perfect.

Once freed Shiro takes an interest in the food, leaning forward to use his fingers to pick out random pieces of sushi and dumping them on a plate before settling back against Keith.

"Are you gonna use me as furniture all night?" Keith complains. Not like Shiro and Adam hadn't told him the same thing hundreds of times before. He wriggles a little in mock discomfort and Shiro makes an annoyed noise when it makes him drop his sushi.

"I've got this Shiro," Lance reassures him, leaning over to grab chopsticks.

"Oh no, take cover," Pidge warns.

"Hey! I'm really good at using chopsticks!" he drops the piece of sushi twice before he has it.

"Why're you taking my food?" Shiro complains.

"Im not, I'm helping. Open wide."

"What?"

Keith starts to laugh. Curtis can't imagine Shiro letting someone feed him. He won't even eat off Curtis' fork at restaurants unless Curtis passes the whole fork over. Laughing, too, soon everyone but Lance is giggling.

"Nope. Not gonna happen." Shiro selects a different piece and stuffs it into his mouth.

"Fine!" Lance jokes, setting the piece back along with the chopsticks.

Shiro takes them up instantly with a little smirk.

Keith leans over Shiro's shoulder. "That looks good," he says, reaching for a piece.

"Hey!" Shiro protests, trying to rebuff him with just his shoulders. Stuffing the piece in question into his mouth, he tries to inform Keith that it's gone now. His mouth is too full.

"I mean there's more on your plate," Keith points out. He'll do this all day if it means Shiro will eat.

"Cut it out," Colleen warns. "You'll choke."

Shiro gives Keith a look that most definitely says : no I won't.

"Gross. Shiro, gross."

"Seems interesting to me," Curtis grins, having caught the exchange.

Keith gives Lance a look. "I gotta stretch," he tells Shiro, gently patting his back. He wheezes when Shiro leans back on him more. "I will pee on you," he threatens and Shiro instantly sits up straight.

Lance shifts some, not to take Keith's spot but to offer more support. Pidge and Matt shift in response.

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?" Keith asks Curtis, checking to see Shiro is occuppied by Pidge, Matt, and Lance.

"Sure."

"Ask Shiro, I'm really bad with words, okay? But I feel like I should say something. I know very little about you guys and I'm sorry. But I can tell you really love him. And he loves you. And I don't know how it works, or what the future holds...

But it was so different with Adam. He was so different. Patience yields focus. Everything had to be controlled. And he had to be perfect. He was a little bit of a show off... And he drove himself to the edge." Keith takes a breath. "And they suffered for it. Trying to support someone who never chooses you first. I was so angry at Adam but I get it now. And... I see him choosing you. This time he's choosing you.

"I see the way he looks for you. Or just the way you guys look at each other. You're so in tune." Keith looks down. "And I'm so sorry you had to call us to task... You're right. We are his family. And so we're yours, too.

"And i don't know what I'm really trying to say other than... He's not struggling or fighting for anything. He has you. And I'm so grateful he has you. I haven't seen him relax... Or drop his guard... He was so annoyed all of us came," Keith laughs. Curtis grins. "And he didn't even try that hard to play Mr. Perfect and cover it up. We got to grieve with him. And tease again." He rubs at his eyes.

"I don't know what he'd be like without you in his life right now, but I'm glad I don't have to find out."

(I'll edit more in later?)

[oleaspur]

ummmwine replied to your post “zenkaiankoku replied to your post “i find it really interesting how...”

oh totally to all of that though, like, yeah i think ppl either smooth him over WAY too much &/or make him like, more stable than evan which is like??? they have Different Problems actually but connor is definitely the least okay / least okay to be around of all of them...but it's also like...clearly just as Off to interpret him as somebody who just acts out completely at random and is just Intensely Angry ALL THE TIIIME instead of yeah, him having this actual internal

OK im replying under the cut because this will be long but tl;dr YOURE RIGHT

process behind the stuff he does which like, from an outside perspective would clearly be unjustified or over the top or irrational etc etc etc...and tbh like interpreting him as like, slow to warm up to ppl and quick to draw back thx to paranoia or potentially actually sort of latching on to ppl too fast but it can also go sour rl quick All Thanks To Splitting is valid af and like!! we don't know cuz canon doesn't say anything about that kind of thing re him. liiiike

i think the difference between having a relationship w someone with something like depression and anxiety and with someone who has a disorder like bpd is that w/ depression and anxiety you can almost always take a step back. its not going to be the case that everything you do impacts them and that their response to your actions is going to be a public thing.. bpd for me at least is very loud. it takes up all the space it can possibly find, so every interaction Means something and every response you have to those interactions needs to serve some kind of a function and it needs to be Known. its why at least for me i tend to suffer more when i have close relationships with people, because youre constantly having that sort of connection. like im not saying its always a bad thing because the good times are! so good! but everything is horrible and intense All the time so it never feels like youre doing something wrong when youre acting out. its more like why DOESNT this matter to everyone else the way it should. 

the splitting thing just makes so much sense to me because i used to be the kind of person who would say like , really awful things to my family as a result of it. i dont ever want people to think im justifying what connor supposedly did but i think there Should be an explanation beyond hes just ‘a bad person’ or Vaguely troubled. there is a genuine attempt to reach out to evan, however minor, and i think that its way more compelling to treat him as someone who Does crave genuine connection w people and is just unable to approach it in a healthy way than anything else

i don't think that reference to that particular incident with zoe is meant to be like "there's a specific canon answer to what issue made connor act like this" but like i can so see that being more of legit paranoia fueling that problem somehow and just...like hghh again out of all the senior kids he'd definitely have the most work to do before he'd be able to have a good relationship either in terms of on his own end or re the other person's end of it...like obviously

there's the violence which is like. number one Got To Get Rid Of That Asap mostly for other ppl's sakes but then like. figuring out how to deal w the underlying crap would be more for his sake. like god that all of them were in therapy but also connor's problems definitely seem intense enough that he could probably stand to look into being medicated instead of having to self medicate cuz i figure that's what he's trying to do even if its kind of backfiring sometimes...

definitely definitely.. i could say a lot about why i think having connor and evan (or jared i suppose but i havent thought about that so much) bonding initially and then it going downhill because of a lack of an actual understanding of each other’s issues (and then both learning and coping separately IN ORDER to build an actual relationship with each other) is more interesting and genuine feeling than them Immediately helping each other and it actually working. but it would be long.. 

they all need to See Someone. + obviously medication is never the be-all end-all of any kind of mh treatment but for me personally therapy was never useful UNTIL i was on medication that actually helped regulate my moods first. the sort of things they talked about were never feasible for me because my moods dropped SO fast and because just being told to do things was so infuriating.. and so on. i definitely agree w the self-medication part i usually see that as connor trying to deal as best he can w something that no one else seems to understand or struggle with. sometimes it seems like the best way of coping w things is to try and detach urself from it . obviously that isnt healthy at all but when u dont know how else to deal w ur problems u find your own solutions :(

ANYWAYS the point is that like. first of all projecting shit Is Valid And Who Cares Anyways but in this case its probably also more accurate than what ppl write when they have no experience with such intense and unmanageable things and stuff that you really can't quite imagine accurately unless you know it firsthand already. and godddddd a trope i cannot stand is like, the 'i just need one good relationship and that will fix things / inspire me to choose to be able to

handle this and voila! i am handling it" like!!! i LOVE good relationships being mutually helpful and with this cast it's easy to see how they'd clash cuz they all do in canon!! but it's also ughh so easy to see how they could all understand and help each other even tho their specific problems are different when u zoom in enough. and like it's cool as hell if a relationship helps you / motivates you but it's not gonna fix everything and it shouldn't!! and like yeah with

connor i really see his shit as being involved in / close to the clinical psychotic types of issues. which yknow, people REALLY don't tend to know how to write if they don't have lived experience or really do a lot of good research anyways. like badly written anxiety is still probably gonna be closer to the mark than badly written delusions or smthing, idk. but anyways i am going ON AND ON and the point is. bpd connor is valid as fuck and i love that perspective on him

YEAH i think when i was younger i fell into that kind of writing as a sad sort of wish-fulfilment thing because it makes sense to want things to be that way. but its not helpful to people who relate to those characters, or realistic/healthy to want that sort of solution because it just doesnt exist

i think with personality disorders especially its hard because to a certain extent its like... it inhabits you. i was SO worried that once i started being able to deal w my mental health issues i would stop being a real person because like. it informed Everything in terms of how i approached the world. its hard to write something like that but like.. it all makes sense in your head. you have your own internal justification for everything even if you never reason it out and even if you couldnt possibly explain it in words you KNOW youre feeling this way for a reason and youre justified and should be feeling this way. its weird stuff

ANYWAY ty for this i LOVE talking about this kind of thing and literally everything youve said is so good and real.. connor is important to me even if he has barely any characterisation in canon lol

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Qi Flows for Her

Chapter Two

Previous Chapter

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC x Bucky Barnes  |  Word Count: 5561 Warnings: Swearing

Celine stood on the pinnacle of the pretty bridge, staring out at the beauty of Central Park. Evening was falling, her favourite time of day. Long shadows were beginning to coat the buildings beyond the trees and deepened the ones beneath the foliage. The sound of the water under the bridge soothed her anxiety. The two males with her helped as well.

Peter was full of energy, vitality, and fun. Just like his aura, he bubbled with excitement.

It lifted her spirits.

Bucky, too, took her mind off of the drama which was likely unfolding high above in the tower. One would never know to look at him that he was from a different era. He fit quite well into this one. He laughed and joked with Peter about current sports teams and relevant celebrities. Even with the dark aura which hung around him, he had a soothing presence.

When Peter’s phone rang and he sighed, his aura dimming, she knew he was being called home. The little spider was still in high school and had other obligations. He covered his involvement with the Avengers, and as Spider-Man, by saying he was interning with Tony after having won some sort of scholarship. From what she'd seen of his intelligence, it was a good misdirection.

“It is alright, Peter. I am certain I will be here at least a few days.” If this alliance didn’t work out, she would make sure she got to say goodbye before she left. “Will you do me a favour, little spider?”

“Name it, Celine!”

She touched his cheek. “I would rather people not know about my… preferred food source. Can we keep the vampire comments between us?”

His face fell, the thought sobering, but he nodded. “I understand.”

His emotions rippled through his aura. She could feel his disappointment, both in keeping her secret and in how the others had reacted to her. Cupping his chin, she tilted his face up. “Peter, I am fine.” It wasn’t the first time others had reacted poorly to her.

“It's just… not fair. You’re on our side.”

“Hey, pal.” Bucky laid a hand on Peter’s shoulder. “Don’t worry. Steve and I’ll look after Celine and help her fit in. This isn’t going to go there. This ain’t ending up another battle at the airport.”

“Promise?” He looked to Bucky.

Celine frowned, not really understanding the spiking emotions of the two males or the subtle nuances.

“Promise, pal.”

Peter heaved a sigh but smiled and nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you in a few days. If I’m not home in thirty Aunt May is gonna freak.” He took off at a run with a wave.

“Will he make it alright?” Celine asked.

“Parker?” Bucky chuckled. “He’s the web-slinger. He’ll make it.”

Celine leaned back against the edge of the bridge, resting her hands beside her hips. “What did I miss in that exchange?”

He sighed, leaning beside her. “When things went bad after the accords, it split the team. Steve and I were on one side. Peter was on Tony’s. After, when things settled down, and we all made peace, Peter got real attached to Steve. Pretty sure the kid didn’t want to watch the two of them go at it over you, so when he asked to come with…” Bucky shrugged.

Celine brought a hand to her mouth. “I told Charles… I’m not the right choice for this,” she whispered, shaking her head sadly.

“Hey now, it ain’t like that.” His fingers lightly touched the back of her hand.

She looked up to find his eyes full of kindness. “I can't let Wanda in. I can’t, Bucky. There are… things about me which I do not wish to have known. But I am not a danger to your team.”

“Dollface, I know all about people fuckin’ with your head. If you don’t want her running around upstairs, you ain’t gonna hear me protest.”

“Says the man most suspicious of my arrival.”

“Hey! I… that ain’t fair,” he grumbled, eyes twinkling. “I didn’t know you then.”

“You don’t know me now,” she said, pressing away from the railing and sauntering deeper into the park.

“I know no woman in her right mind would wear shoes like that to walk through the park.”

Grinning over her shoulder, she kicked up a foot. “These old things? You’d be surprised what I can do in a pair of stilettos.” There was an intense spike in his libido which she chose to ignore. This was her team now. She wasn’t going to feed on her team no matter how hungry they made her.

Both super soldiers had stirred something inside her with their initial meeting. The first brush of fingers had jolted through her, built a fire, and brought forth her innate sexuality. They made her hungry with so little effort. Sexual desire was not something she’d felt in many years.

It made her flirty. Too flirty. Dialling it back, Celine tucked her hands in her pockets.

His hand closed around her elbow. “Celine, I meant what I said to Peter. You do belong here. Steve and I will make sure the others see that too.”

She blinked at the determination she found in the set of his jaw. “Thank you, Bucky. I have… difficulty adjusting to new environments.”

“You okay, doll? You seem…” He shook his head.

She pulled her arm gently from his hold and walked on. “I have been a freak of nature since I was twelve. It should not surprise me when people fear and abhor me, but it still does. Peter’s easy acceptance, yours, and Steve’s… it’s unsettling. The only others who have been so accepting are Charles, Rogue, and Logan.”

“You ain’t no better or worse than the next person, Celine. Just cause you’re different doesn’t make you a freak.”

She laughed, the sound full of disbelief. “You do not yet understand, but you will. When you see… when you see what I am… and can say those words, mean those words, then perhaps I will believe you.”

“Celine,” he said, voice full of shock and aura full of sadness.

Turning her head, she smiled, but it did not reach her eyes. “It is alright, Bucky. I am used to being alone. If the team chooses to let me stay without demanding to look through my head, I will fight alongside you. But I do not expect you to be comfortable with me. I am not like you.” She motioned with her chin toward the tower. “Steve approaches.” Not yet willing to find out how badly she’d been rejected, Celine walked the other way to sit on a bench far enough from the two soldiers to give them privacy to speak.

***

Bucky had not felt this powerless since his time with Hydra.

Celine, this gorgeous, strong woman, one who sustained her own life off the emotions of others, was so clearly fragile and so deeply scarred he wanted nothing more than to drag her into a hug so tight, she would feel safe and protected for the rest of her life.

What had happened in the tower, that shit couldn’t happen again.

“Steve,” he said when the blond stopped at his side. “You rip Tony a new one?”

“Yeah. He’s really got to stop pulling this stuff,” Steve sighed, rubbing a hand over his mouth.

“He come down off his high horse, or he still demanding Wanda vet Celine?”

“Less of a comedown, more of a knocked off. Wanda won’t do it. I guess can’t do it is more the issue. Celine has shields the likes of which Wanda ain’t ever seen before. She’d barely approached Celine’s mind, and Celine noticed.”

“She belongs here, Steve. I promised Parker we’d look after her.”

Steve’s brow arched. “Weren’t you the one saying you didn’t like this idea?”

“Yeah, well, opinions can change. Celine… she needs us.” He didn’t know how he knew, he just did. “She’s… fragile, pal. For all her power, she’s broken inside. She expects us to work with her but not work with her, ya know? Just ghost along on the outskirts of the team.”

Steve glanced her way, noticing how her eyes were closed, her face tilted to the last rays of the sun. She was, truly, incredibly beautiful. Even here in the park, she was drawing eyes. “What she tell you?”

“Just that the only ones who trusted her were Charles, Rogue, and Logan. The fact that you, me, and Peter didn’t bat an eye threw her. She’s apparently used to being alone.”

“What?” Steve couldn’t believe it.

Bucky shrugged. “No matter what happens on this next mission, whatever she reveals herself as, we can’t let it phase us. I got a weird feeling, a gut feeling. She needs us.” His gut feelings back in the day used to be the ones that kept them out of the worst spots of trouble.

“I’m with you, pal.”

“You’d better be, punk.”

They smirked at each other before heading for Celine.

“So, it appears I am not banished from the team after all,” she called out once they were closer.

“Nah, you ain’t getting rid of us that easy.” She opened her eyes once they stood before her, and Bucky had his breath catch. “C’mon. You said you like food. It’s nearly dinner time, and Wanda was cooking tonight.”

She took his outstretched hand. The same jolt from the contact raced up his arm as before when he tugged her to her feet.

“What is the catch, Steve?” she asked once she was upright.

“How do you keep…?” He shook his head, a wry smile spreading across his lips. “Shoot. Am I that easy to read?”

“Like a book, Cap,” she chuckled. “You must be rubbish at poker.”

“Rubbish?” Bucky snickered.

Celine shrugged. “Charles is rather English. Some of his lingo stuck. It means Steve must suck something fierce at cards.”

“Hey, now! I’m not that bad!” the blond super soldier protested.

“Yeah, you are,” Bucky laughed.

“Big jerk.”

“Scrawny punk!”

Celine snickered. “How is this,” she flicked her hand like a game show hostess down Steve’s chest, “scrawny?”

“He was smaller than a flea before he let the Army jack him full of steroids,” Bucky said. “Thought I told you not to do anything stupid?”

“And I told you, you took all the stupid with you. There was no stupid left. Therefore what I did was patriotic.”

She burst out laughing as they crossed the street. “Are you two always like this?”

“Yes,” they said together.

Celine continued to laugh as she turned away from the main doors to the tower.

“That’s the wrong way,” Bucky called out.

She threw a grin over her shoulder. “As I have two such strong men at my disposal, why not get assistance with my luggage?”

Her walk had a distinct tone of sass to it Bucky preferred to the sadness she’d walked in earlier. He glanced at Steve and muttered, “I feel played. Do you feel played?”

“Don’t hate the player!” Celine called as she entered the parking garage.

Squealing tires had Bucky and Steve looking to the left, but Celine was already striding toward her car and never saw him coming until the lights from the speeding vehicle blinded her. She threw up her arms, and her power burst to life around her, but not soon enough to stop the speeding truck from slamming into her side and throwing her through the air.

“Celine!” Bucky and Steve yelled, racing toward her.

“Shit! I’m so sorry!” The driver was out of his vehicle, cellphone in hand.

Ignoring him for the moment, Steve and Bucky knelt to either side of the crumpled form of Celine. Her eyelids fluttered open, and she groaned.

“Doll? You okay? Just lie still. We’ll get some help.” Bucky pressed his hand gingerly down on her shoulder.

“I’m fine,” she said, batting at his hand.

“You just got hit by a truck! You ain’t fine.” Steve glared at the man who was continuing to babble about not seeing her and the coffee he’d spilled in his lap had distracted him.

“Bucky. Steve, I’m fine,” she reiterated, sitting up against Bucky’s pressing hand. “Just help me up.”

They both gaped at her before each took a hand and lifted her gingerly to her feet.

“Broke my favourite pair of shoes,” she muttered.

“That’s it?” Bucky gasped. “A shoe? You got hit by a truck, and it broke your shoe?”

She blinked at him. “Um… yes?”

“Jesus!” He threw up his hands, turned toward the driver and pointed. “Get the fuck out of here, and slow the fuck down!” The man was one he recognized from the tower, though Bucky wasn’t sure which department he was in. “You’re damn lucky she’s enhanced our you likely would have killed her!”

“Yes, sir!” the man scrambled to obey. “I’m really sorry, ma’am!” he shouted as he got in his truck and practically crawled out of the building.

Celine’s knees wobbled, and Steve grabbed her around the waist. “You sure you’re okay? We should let Bruce check you out.”

She patted his shoulders and pulled away. “Totally fine, promise. I’ve been hit with worse, and far harder.” She walked away, stopping only to take her shoes off and place them in a garbage can.

She got three inches shorter, and Bucky could have groaned. There was nothing better in his opinion than a woman with curves who would fit nicely beneath his chin. Celine checked all those boxes. From the look on Steve’s face, he wasn’t the only one who thought so.

She popped the trunk on her nearby car, pulled out two large suitcases and a third smaller one. From inside that one, she tugged a new pair of shoes.

“Do not tell us that one is just shoes.”

She glanced at Steve and smiled a secret smile but didn’t reply as she brushed off her feet and slipped into the new, shorter set of heels. Her pants had torn at the thigh, giving Bucky a flash of delicate flesh, and the back of her jacket was dirty, but she looked relatively unscathed for someone who’d taken a licking by a pick-up truck. “What’s not in your file, Celine?”

Her grip on the strap of the smaller suitcase she’d placed on her shoulder tightened. “Because I channel chi as I do, I am stronger, faster, and can hear better than your average human. I also… live longer.”

“How can you be certain?” Steve asked.

“I have not aged in twenty years.”

“What?” Bucky asked, stunned.

She simply shrugged. “I do not know how it works, or if I will age, or when. But I am very hard to injure.”

The two soldiers exchanged wry smiles. “Shit, doll. You’re more like us than we realized.”

“Except for the whole not needing to eat thing. I’m starving,” Steve chuckled, grabbing up one suitcase.

Bucky took the other. “Me too.”

“I could eat.” She blushed when they both looked at her. “Um, real food. I won’t need to feed for a few days.”

“We should have a mission by then. That work for you?” Steve asked.

Bucky watched something, a flicker of emotion he couldn’t place, spark in her eyes before she hid them behind her lashes.

“Yes, that will be fine.” Celine nodded, shut the trunk of her car, and followed them to the lobby entrance.

***

She stood within the confines of her suite of rooms and blinked in shock. “Here? This is… here?”

“What? Not up to X-men standards?” Bucky teased.

“We’ll have to tell Tony there’s something better somewhere else.” Steve chuckled.

Horrified, Celine shook her head and walked deeper into the sitting room. “No! That isn't what I meant at all! When I still lived at the Manor, we each have a room, but this is…” She ran out of words and just waved a limp hand.

The main space consisted of a seating area with couches, chairs, and an entertainment center. The wall across from her was all windows with a glass topped desk taking in the view of New York. There was a small kitchenette off to one side, a half fridge, sink, and cabinets. Through the open door, she caught a glimpse of a wide white bed, thick and plush and piled with pillows. A woman would feel like a Queen sleeping among the cloudlike softness promised in all that plush.

Gliding toward the windows, she let her case of shoes fall from her shoulder with a small thump. The walls were decorated in soothing colours. Paintings by various impressionist artists, ones she’d always adored hung around the room. She wondered briefly if Charles had made mention of her preference as it was something he would do.

She touched the soft cotton sheer which hung against the window. “It’s more than I expected.” Celine turned and smiled at the two soldiers standing together across the room. They exchanged a glance, one which she couldn’t decipher before two sets of stunning blue eyes returned to assess her.

“You want to change before dinner, Celine? You’re a bit… mussed.” Steve rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, a light blush of colour rising in his cheeks.

It hit her as being one of the most adorable things she’d ever seen. The big, strong soldier turning shy on her. She nodded, and they moved together before she could say any more to take her cases into the bedroom where she watched them toss them on the bed like they weighed nothing. The action caused the flare of desire to hit her a third time. Their strength was highly attractive.

When her hair fell forward over her shoulder, she glanced at it, noticed the way it was beginning to go from straight to wavy, and took a firm grip on her libido.

Working with these two could prove to be difficult.

She focused on her breathing, calming her rising sensuality and dialled back on her appeal until the wave fell out of her hair. When she looked up, she found them watching her. “What?”

“Something wrong?” Bucky asked.

She took the shades which still rode her head out of her hair and tilted her chin up as she set them on the dresser. “Not that I am aware of. If you gentlemen will excuse me.” She motioned toward the door.

They exchanged another one of those looks before they left, shutting her in the room alone. Clearly, they knew each other very well as that silent form of communication was powerful. Their auras fluctuated in concert with one another, showing deep friendship and loyalty. Steve and Bucky were brothers in the truest sense of the word. Related by blood or not, they were bound together at the deepest level. She’d only ever seen such connection in twins.

Celine walked gingerly across the room, proud of herself for holding it together as well as she had been. She wasn’t fine after getting hit by the truck. She had expended an enormous amount of energy to keep herself safe, but she hadn’t been fast enough. She had lied when she’d said she didn’t need to feed for a few days. She needed to feed now and eating with the team would do nothing but prolong her agony. Tonight, she needed to get out. Hunt. Appease the pain in her middle before anyone noticed.

Opening her case, she pulled out a loose, emerald green dress, stripped off her clothes, and walked naked into the bathroom where she lifted her hair and turned to see her back. Bruises ran the length of her spine and more covered her hip where the truck had connected. “Fuck,” she hissed softly, aware of the powerful ears of the super soldiers beyond the door. This was not good.

Celine pulled the sundress over her head. It floated down around her. Its handkerchief hem swirling in points about her calves. Spaghetti straps held it up, the silk clinging to her curves and highlighting her breasts and returned to the bedroom for a short-sleeved sweater. It didn’t seem to matter what she wore, everything screamed sex due to her nature, but the light cardigan adequately covered the bruises on her upper back. Still, she left her hair down, adding another layer of protection to make it through the next few hours.

Before opening the door, she knelt to the floor and pressed her hand to the carpet, allowing her consciousness to flow down. She sought out anyone nearby she could extract a little chi from to get through dinner, but there was no one close enough except for those upon this floor. The building fairly hummed with life, but there were too many floors between her and them.

Gritting her teeth, Celine pushed to her feet, pasted on a smile, and walked out of the bedroom. She would do dinner, show no weakness, then see about getting out of here for a few hours.

***

Dinner had been far harder than she'd expected. Especially as she never did get to eat.

Wanda had pulled her aside the moment the three of them appeared, apologizing profusely for her part in what had happened. The contrition and guilt in the Scarlet Witch’s aura proved her words true.

Celine had accepted graciously, assuring Wanda there were no hard feelings. She was merely doing what had been asked of her.

Bruce had approached afterward, having heard from Steve and Bucky about her run-in with the truck. He'd bombarded her with questions, getting rather intense as his excitement in her uniqueness grew.

She was saved by, of all people, Stark, who took her by the elbow and overrode every protest Bruce made.

Tony had tugged her across the room, seating her at the bar where he'd flirted, being both contrite and condescending, his emotions and aura showing what he really felt for her. He was wary. He didn't trust she wasn't there to cause problems. He wasn't sure this alliance would work or was a good idea. And, though he looked at her and lusted, she was inhuman, the term the Avengers had been using for a mutant.

How right he was.

She was inhuman. So far removed from humanity they had now become her food source.

When he grew even more intense than Bruce had been, his snide, backhanded compliments beginning to sting, Celine lightly placed her hand on his, leaned forward and turned on her appeal. “I find you to be a highly condescending, swine of a man. As an empath, it is impossible to lie to me. Your false compliments and fake apology leave a foul taste in my mouth. You do not like, nor trust me. Fine. I am here at the request of Charles. His wishes mean far more to me than yours. You do not wish to take my word for it, but I mean this team no harm. I am here to work with you, but if you continue to work against me, I will not hesitate to knock you on your ass… Iron Man.”

He’d blinked a few times when the fog of lust she’d built around him evaporated, and the words she’d spoken registered. Then, surprisingly, he’d laughed. What negative emotions had warred in his aura changed, and the suspicion disappeared.

“About time you stood up for yourself.” He’d patted her hand and walked away, leaving her seat at the bar in shock.

It had been a test. How in the hell had he managed to make his aura appear so…? Her eyes drifted to the Scarlet Witch.

Wanda looked very guilty.

Rising from the bar stool, Celine stalked through the exterior doors. She was livid! They couldn’t probe her mind, so they devised another test to see if she was what she claimed to be.

How quaint! How contrite! How.... ingenious.

She couldn't stay mad when it truly had been a brilliant bit of manipulation and sighed when she walked to the railing to look out over the dark city. All the life which flowed below called to her. She could practically taste it.

“Natasha,” Celine murmured, not bothering to look at the woman who sidled up beside her.

The redhead studied her for a long moment. “What are you?”

Celine cocked her head. “What do you mean?”

“An Energy Vampire you said, but what you just did to Tony had nothing to do with chi.”

Observant. Spy.

Celine blinked slowly, continuing to hold the muted green gaze of the woman. “He was being rude. I simply set him straight.”

Her brow arched, disbelief coating her features. “Can you mesmerize people like in the vampire legends?”

Celine closed both hands over the guardrail. “Not in the way you are thinking.” She could alter memories of herself for those she'd fed on, and she could whip them into such a frenzied need, such a pool of lust they would walk off the edge of the building if she commanded it, but she could not take over their mind with a look. Once she let them go, their mind was theirs again.

Natasha stepped closer, the suspicion on her turning her aura into a beacon of red, blue, and yellow pulsing light.

Hunger had Celine’s hands clenching.

“I’m telling you right now, you do anything to endanger this team, I’ll gut you like a fish.”

“You are welcome to try, Widow, but you do not yet know who you are up against,” Celine warned.

“Why don’t you tell me then?” The muted green had turned harsh, challenging.

Celine hated being challenged. She knew exactly who she was, but if the Widow was so curious... “My name is Celine Ena. It was given to me by Charles when I was fifteen. It means fiery moon for darkness is my bedmate and the fire of chi my lifeblood.” Her skin began to glow, shimmer with her power as her hair began to curl. “Energy vampire was the moniker give me by the children I grew up with when their fear of me became great.” Natasha’s eyes widened, and Celine knew hers had begun to glimmer and spark with gold as the amber lightened in her irises. “But my chosen name, my X-men name, is known only to a select few.” Leaning down, she whispered near Natasha’s ear.

The redhead stumbled back away from her, and Celine straightened slowly.

“You hurt anyone on this team…” Natasha trailed off.

“Why would I hurt my own team? I have already told you, I do not feed on teammates. Steve, Bucky, and Peter have been most welcoming and kind.”

“And the rest of us?”

“You have shown me only fear and distrust. I will do my job, be here, work as part of this team, but I cannot change the minds of those who see me only as a monster. Who look at me with hate and disgust as you currently do. I am what I am. I had no choice in the matter. Yet, you would see me caged and collared because of something which was not my doing.” Celine sighed. “It matters not. I am here, and until Charles calls me home, I will stay.” She walked away, heading around the side of the building.

“Where are you going?” Natasha called.

“I require a walk. I do not require food.” And she was done dealing with people who saw her as a threat, or an experiment, or a challenge.

“You can’t leave.”

She jerked to a stop and peered through narrowed eyes over her shoulder. “Excuse me?”

“Didn’t Steve tell you? It was the deal made. You won’t let Wanda vet you, you have to stay where we can keep an eye on you. You’re on house arrest, Celine, until we’re satisfied we can trust you.”

She slowly closed her fists. Here, now, was the catch Steve had, indeed, failed to mention. What the hell was she going to do? “I see.” Celine headed back through the doors to the interior of the building and straight for the elevator.

“Celine?” Steve called out, jogging over with a smile on his face. “Where are you going?”

“As I’m being treated like a teenager, I thought I would go sulk in my room like one,” she snapped.

He had the decency to flinch. “Yeah, sorry about that. I meant to tell you, but… stuff happened.”

She shook her head. “I will not say it is fine. It isn’t. You treat me like an enemy. The fox who has snuck into the hen house. I mean none of you harm, yet you persist in testing me, probing at me, treating me as a thing to be mistrusted. I am a person, no matter how much my mutation has taken from me!” When he tried to take her arm, she jerked away, raked her gaze over the group in general, and walked out, getting on the elevator to return to her room.

Only once the doors closed did she lean against the wall and allow the single, heart-wrenching sob to slip from her lips. “Why, Charles? Why did you have to send... me?”

She was so tired of being hated and feared and loathed.

So very tired.

***

Bucky stormed over to Steve. “What the fuck just happened?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure as hell going to find out.” Steve glared at Natasha as he stomped across the room. “What did you say to her?”

She didn’t even twitch in the face of his rage. “Standard greeting.”

“In other words, you threatened her. God damn it, Natasha!” Steve barked. “We’re trying to improve relations, not start a war!”

Her face closed down. “I’m not the one you need to be concerned with!”

“Celine is part of this team!”

“She shouldn’t be!” Natasha snarled.

Stunned, Steve took an involuntary step back. “Since when did you become so cynical?”

“Since I found out who she really is!” She pushed past Steve to look at the rest of them. “We should be sending her packing with a thanks, no thanks, back to Xavier.”

“Natalia! What the fuck’s wrong with you? Celine is nice. At least give her a chance,” Bucky stated.

She sneered at him. “You don’t get it.”

“Don’t get what?” asked Steve.

“She’s not just a Qi Manipulator or an Energy Vampire. She’s so much more, and you two are letting her live in the lion’s den!”

“Natalia, ob"yasnis'!” Bucky snapped.

“Explain myself? Sure, Barnes. I’ll explain myself. She’s the one they call Styx!”

The only one to react was Clint who sat straight up. “She’s Styx?”

“What is a Sticks?” asked Thor.

A frustrated growl left Nat’s chest. “None of you read the files on the X-men, did you?”

“I read it, but I don’t remember a Sticks,” Bucky grumbled.

“Nor I,” said Wanda.

“Styx, like the river goddess of ancient Greek mythology. The mutant whose moniker is denoted by that name is said to be called this name because all life flows through her. She is, essentially, the gateway to the afterlife.” Vision recited.

“That’s it?” Steve asked.

“Styx has remained a mystery for most of her existence as an X-men. She prefers to work alone, under cover of darkness. It is said only that she can sweep a building within minutes, leaving behind severely weakened or dead agents in her wake. It is said she can look at a man and see his life, his soul, then she chooses. Life… or death.”

“Cool.”

They all turned to look at Scott.

“What?” he shrugged a shoulder. “If she’s so powerful, isn’t it better to have her on our side instead of against it?”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” Sam sighed, shaking his head, “but the bug is right. She seems nice enough, maybe a little cool, but we haven’t exactly been welcoming either.”

“She’s lonely.” Wanda looked away when all eyes swung to her. “I could pick up her emotions a little when she was speaking with Tony.”

“Wanda’s right. Celine expected us to turn on her. It’s what everyone does. She said as much when she was with Peter and me in the park. This shit right here,” Bucky motioned to the room, “is fucked up. We’re supposed to a team, but all some of you have done is make her feel like shit. Well done.” Turning on his heel, Bucky walked away.

“Someone’s smitten,” Natasha snorted.

“Nat,” Steve said, waiting for her to look at him. “You’re acting like a bitch.” Her eyes widened as the others gasped. “You got issues? You got insecurities? You got a problem with her being here? Then solve it, because Celine is going to be here for the foreseeable future. Xavier wants this to work, I want this to work, and Stark you were pushing for it too. Stop testing her!” He glared at Tony.

“I’d just feel better if Wanda could…” Tony sighed, flicking a wrist in dismissal. “I’ll fix it.”

“Good.” Steve looked around the room at all the contrite faces. “She’s here. She’s staying. Get it together.” Without another word, he followed Bucky out of the room.  

Next Chapter

[tumblunni]

fuck, that story did so many complex things with morality, i think that’s why ultimately it was his most well remembered story like the basic premise of a unicorn looking for the other unicorns is basically nothing compared to the MILLION DEEP QUESTIONS it kindles in childrens’s brains along the way! and like, the fact that it was even aimed at children despite having so much dark imagery and psychological horror. and how the psychological horror comes from weird places?? like, it subverts and analyzes the fairytale genre and turns a lot of commonly accepted ‘happy ending’ things into absolute burning hell and eighty million other far more interesting plotlines springing from the corpse of the cliche it just killed. I love it. I LOVE IT.

Random examples of stuff that really intrigued me as a kid!

* the whole idea of how it starts off, that this unicorn just legit doesn’t know that anything happened to the rest of her people. she’s lived alone for centuries and doesn’t even know what loneliness is until she finds out that the world has changed while she wasn’t looking, and her assumption that there’s a million other forests with a million other unicorns was false. And like.. her journey is really complex because of it? her motivation is less about saving a family she personally knew, and more about the fear of being forgotten like they were, and like.. ‘do i even have any value if i’m not defined as a unicorn anymore, if people forget what unicorns mean?’ And like the idea of her first meeting other unicorns for the first time and having even mroe challenges to her perception of reality, like thats not even something she WANTS but the same somewhat rude and egotistical sense of honor she has as an immortal is gonna keep her going towards an ending that probably won’t be happy in any way.

* the many many nuanced moments where the unicorn completely fucks up and is generally allowed to be a flawed protagonist, despite existing in a narrative that’s from her perspective and paints her as perfect and her philosophy as the only thing that exists. And like.. how many of her fuckup moments are ABOUT her being this perfect godly figure to everyone else! How molly breaks down at seeing a unicorn NOW, instead of back when she was young and had hope of a happy fairytale ending. How she feels like she isn’t worthy of a unicorn even looking at her anymore, and how it manifetss into screaming anger, blaming this thing for being too late. And how the unicorn didn’t even know that this woman was waiting for her, and hinging her entire life worth on meeting her, and like.. molly isn’t prepared to look at it that way, if anything its even scarier to think that the people you idealise just DIDNT CARE. And how its complex cos i mean its not like the unicorn is bad, either?? She just didnt know what she meant to humans until she got out of her forest and started meeting them. She was so self-absorbed and proud about being immortal without even knowing the reason why magical creatures are considered godly. And its so complex cos the way she figures it out is via the actions of an asshole villain, like seriously its SO SAD that she gets to see little human kids feeling like they have a reason to live just from seeing the false image of a unicorn that the creepy slavemaster witch lady shows to them. the unicorn herself was powerless to be what they needed her to be, and all she even cared about was judging the humans as rude bastards for not being able to see her, rather than thinking about it as it really is, and realizing that its not like they don;t want to, they’re absolutely desperate to...

* and okay just seriously THE COMPLEX NATURE OF HUMANITY! cos she sees all the worst of humans and all the best of them too, and the story doesn’t even draw any conclusions as to whether we’re worth it, it’s up to you to decide

* also it was really deep and complex how becoming human wasn’t just a cliche happy ending for her! it was TERRIFYING! being forced into a new body wasnt even the worst part, it was the loss of identity factor that hit her after she was limited into a non immortal mind and soul. she goes crazy ‘feeling this body die around her’ and gets scared that she’s going to forget her old self, and also scared of going back to her old self because she doesnt know if these things like love are impossible for unicorns and she’ll become unable to feel them anymore. her opinion of herself falls so far from arrogance into outright FEAR! and its so fucked up because being human is hurting her like this yet she’s also kinda idealizing humanity and blaming it for all her positive character development and like SHE’S ANGRY AND SCARED OF POSITIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? it fucking makes my soul weep and then the ending is so fucked up cos she does return to being a unicorn, and no she doesnt stop feeling love for the human guy she fell for, and all her human friends who helped her this far. but now she’s burdened with the knowledge that she will never die and they will, so the story just ends with her running away so she doesn’t have to feel that pain, or burden them with any more pain too. And she’s even more alone than she was at the start, because she knows that none of the other unicorns understand these emotions, they’re all like her pre character development self and she could never be part of their world again. Its complex because these positive emotions and this kinder personality is like.. a curse to her. because at least she didnt hurt when she was blissfully oblivious, and didnt care about anyone but herself. Its like.. was this newfound ability to feel love actually a blessing, if she gets the love but also the ability to have her happy ending is forever lost to her? so really all she gained was the power to be aware that she was suffering all along. and like even if she managed to get magicked into a human again, the story makes it clear that it’s intense suffering for her, its like walking on knives and her personality would just melt away and she wouldnt even remember why being able to love was so new and so important. it’d be just like someone else having a happy ending instead, and her ceasing to exist. But then the story also gives us this very clear binary where all of her personality is very much linked to being immortal, and her only choices are to live forever and be sad, or to die and not even fully be happy because she’d lose herself. and like all she accomplished was losing the option she never knew she had- to live in innocence without a concept of good and evil, and thus never regret. which isnt a happy ending either, but at least she wouldnt KNOW she was in a bad ending...

* fuck this movie is so hard to explain and so sad

* oh and!! the harpy was fuckin terrifying!! and all the morality around it was even more so! its the first time the unicorn really fucks up, cos she’s just running on the honor of all magical creatures, which is very far from concepts like good and evil. she has to free a fellow immortal, even if its clear that the harpy is evil and will only do harm. but she doesnt even fully understand evil yet, all she knows is.. like.. fear? and betrayal. she knows that for some reason she doesnt understand, she fears this other person who is like her. and subconciously she recognises the darker side of what an innocence of good and evil can turn you into. but she recklessly chooses to ignore the humans trying to explain morality t her, cos thats just a human thing she doesnt need to care about, right? and then what ultimately surprises and scares her isn’t that the harpy does what humans think are evil, but that the harpy has no loyalty to the one who freed her, and immediately tries to kill the unicorn too. And you even get the sense that the unicorn would have still freed her even if she expected this would happen, its just this sense of duty between immortals because being caged means so much more when you’ll never even have the release of death. And i mean.., that’s kind of a point, too. the story’s one moment of embracing cliches is that it says that the harpy is just inherantly evil and was born evil, rather than more directly placing it as a parallel to the unicorn’s absence of good and evil. how do we know that this thing really IS an embodiment of all hatred, and its not just a lost and deluded creature like our protagonist, whose moral neutrality got pushed down the wrong path due to the difference of life it had once it first encountered humans? i mean, the unicorn encounters plenty of shitty humans too, but she manages to at least find some good ones and like.. she had a starting point of assuming she was a proud and inherantly good creature, which was confirmed even by the humans who manipulated and hurt her. she gets to see herself worshipped by humans, even if its as a way to make a quick buck. and we don’t know how long that harpy was locked up in an even worse version of her situation, and whether the unicorn would have become just as hateful if she hadnt been resuced... Its just kinda lazy to say ‘wow its good that shitty mc fuckface locked up this inherantly evil creature, yet bad that she did the same thing to you’ But still it makes for a really scary scene cos the film really went all out in establishing what a born-evil creature would actually be like, and how fucking terrifying it would be to deal with something that just wants to kill and kill and will kill even if there’s no benefit and no logic to it. It’ll betray anyone who shows kindness to it, and you’re being stupid by treating it like a real sentient being with thoughts and a soul. And thats terrifying. But its also fucking sad. And its the one lack of complex morality in this story. but i guess maybe i wasnt supposed to be a story all about exploring complex versions of morality, but just.. different and interesting ones? so taking the ‘inherantly evil’ trope and being like ‘no, you dont get to use that lightly, this is how horrifying and child-unfriendly that would really be’ is still an intriguing idea in its own right

...anyway its a real good movie also my lunch is burning cos i couldnt take it out of the over til i finished rambling RIP salmon dinner

[ajokeformur-ray]

 @shinigami-ahri

Ok my description was too long to send to the ask box so instead of spaming yoxur box with 20 asks i just figured i would send it all in one here. If something isnt clear just let me know...i hope it all makes sense haha Thank you so much! If you don't mind, could you throw in Naruto and the Hobbit too? I'm trying to get into Naruto but I've got so many others that I've been trying to catch up on and I haven't really seen many blogs that write for the Hobbit. If it's too much though don't worry about it you can just stick with Black Butler and Bleach (; lol I am female and I would like a male matchup please! My interests are really anything fantasy related, I love role playing games and things like that so pretty much anything creative. I'm interested in a lot of things like exploring different cultures and foods, traveling and usually if it has to do with anything nerdy I'm down. (I'm actually trying to get a group of friends together to play Pathfinder or D&D haha) My hobbits (I see what you did there (; ) include writing, drawing, playing video games or reading manga...I try to read like "real" books but it will take me 3 months to finish one book mostly because I can't read one at a time so I'll be reading 4 books at once throughout the month...It's very hard for me to stick with one thing for a long time I find myself jumping between stuff a lot. I like inside activities most. I don't really enjoy being outside a lot and I don't at all consider myself the physical type. I really enjoy tea, I buy a lot of different flavored tea and I bet I could start a small shop with how much I have at the moment. I do enjoy cheesy puns and lame jokes very much and I somewhat consider myself as the "comic relief" in my family since I try to pull out jokes to lighten the mood when things get kinda bad... though it doesn't really work most of the time...I don't like outside activities unless it's a little more on the cool side with a slight breeze...more like fall weather. I get really agitated and grumpy when I get hot and sweaty so I try to hang out where it's nice and cool. I don't like bugs either and cleaning...I really hate cleaning... I look for someone who will be able to take care of me. Someone who is not only physically strong but mentally strong too. Someone who won't mind my creativity and ideas but who will also keep me grounded so that I don't get too lost in them. I tend to be very passionate and strong willed when I have an idea in my head of what I want so I need someone who will be honest with me but won't get angry when I have to find out for myself if I can do it or not. Sort of like an unspoken "go ahead, I warned you what will happen so don't come crying to me when you find out it's not going to work." I need someone who isn't afraid to say they are sorry and someone who will come to me when we've had our fights or disagreements (If it's their fault) because I can sit around all night and be super salty until they tell me they aren't mad anymore or that it's going to be ok. I also tend to overthink things too and I look for someone who would be willing to reach out to me helps me understand that everything truly will be alright. At the same time though I don't want them overly comforting. I have a lot of room to grow myself and I'm rather timid when it comes to speaking my mind so I need someone who will challenge me from time to time and help me develop a thicker skin so to speak. I'm not good at confrontation and I fit into more of a submissive role so I also look for dominate personalities though, I find a personality that is calm, collected, rationality, with an unspoken arrogance more attractive than a brash, spoken arrogance, and irrational. I enjoy someone who is spontaneous and a bit difficult to read or people who are otherwise often misunderstood.

Sebastian

- Oh man, Sebastian has everything you like tucked away in that expansive brain of his. Different cultures, their origins, their developments into what they are today, their recipes handed down through the generations and altered to fit the modern day, or not as the case may be. Their legends and myths... Any culture you can think of, I can bet you that Sebastian has enough knowledge about it to fill an entire bookshelf.

- I can just see Sebastian cleaning out the library again because Ciel is sensitive to even the slightest bit of dust, and you’re sat on the couch reading some manga drinking some of the finest tea you’ve had for a while because of course Sebastian made it, and he’s telling you stories about a culture you’re curious about while you read. When there’s a bug, he quickly disposes of it discreetly, not bringing it up unless you’re the one who spotted it, in which case he makes a show of saving you from the ‘hideous monster’ as he gently teases you for the moment of weakness.

-  Sebastian would definitely take care of you. He would likely discipline you much like he does Ciel. You’d have a wake-up time, a bedtime, he’d help you with anything you ask for help with, but only if you tell him that you want that. He’d hate to impose his will on you without your consent. Your creativity would be one of his favourite things about you and he’d always want for you to push your creativity, to see just how far it can go and where its’ limits are. Then again, you decide the limits of your imagination. 

- If you set your mind on something that Sebastian knows will end badly, he’ll tell you but will otherwise take a backseat and watch the events unfold. He’ll be amused the entire time and will be smug when you find out just how wrong things turned out. You’ll get no sympathy from him at all, so don’t expect any. He’ll pull you back too when your thoughts start getting out of control. He’ll sense it and will get you to tell him everything you’re thinking, and in one or two sentences he’ll completely shut you down with logic and common sense. He’s good like that.

- Sebastian can be comforting but only when he chooses to be. For the most part, he’ll take the proverbial backseat and be there for you only when you expressly ask for him to be.  He’ll definitely test you and challenge you, usually in terms of patience, but he’s, for the most part, everything you ask him to be as he has no real personality of his own.

- He’s not misunderstood as such, but he’s definitely a challenge to all those who know him as no one can truly read or get to know a demon as intimately as one can come to read and get to know a human. So, for sure, if you’re more of a submissive in a relationship, he’ll take the dominant side in his stride and do it fabulously, like he does everything else. He is, after all, simply one hell of a butler.

Byakuya

- While Byakuya isn’t as well-traveled as Sebastian, he’s definitely just as educated. If he lacks the knowledge you're after, he’d likely do some research in the Library and come back to you with an answer that he feels is adequate. As far as creativity goes, he’ll supply you with papers and pens, pencils and charcoals etc. to support you in your creativity.

- His Manor and office are kept immaculate at all times, and any bugs that come through would only be in the warmer climates. He’d likely have someone on call to remove any bugs that cross your path. He’d huff and be outwardly annoyed, but on the inside, he finds it adorable and has to bite his inner cheek to stop himself from teasing you with a cheeky grin. 

-  You’d be more than welcome to keep him company inside while he fills out paperwork, just so long as you’re relatively quiet. He’d show affection during these times by getting up and refilling your teacup temporarily, his hand briefly resting on the crown of your head as he passes you.

- Byakuya is one of the strongest people in the Soul Society and he doesn’t take abuse from anybody. There’s no way he’d ever allow anyone to treat you wrongly, not even yourself. He’d do his best to keep you grounded, always knowing what to say or do to keep you from bubbling over or retreating back into yourself a bit more. Your strong will may annoy him every now and then but he’ll just shrug it off and watch you make a mistake. He won’t give you sympathy or empathy, he’ll just look you over with a quirked eyebrow and a, “I warned you. What did you expect? Next time, you would do well to listen to me.” and he’d walk off, leaving you with nothing but your thoughts for company.

- However, arguments are few and far between. He’ll always walk off during an argument, not wanting to say those few words that would completely destroy the relationship. He has an incredible cruel streak and he tries his hardest to not expose you to it unless he absolutely has to. He’s usually the first to apologise, though, wanting to keep the peace. Life is hard enough without tension between him and his dear one.

- Byakuya is definitely the more dominant one in this relationship and the two of you are together but actually, lead very separate lives. That’s not to say that you get lonely, it’s just that you do the most important thing in any relationship, which is to retain your own identity while being with the other person. It makes the two of you stronger, especially as he’s quite closed off emotionally from people. You help him to break out of his shell a little bit more every day, something he’s grateful for.

Sasuke

- Sasuke is an Uchiha and as such, he received only the finest education before the massacre, plus how much attention he paid in the Academy, Sasuke has quite the knowledge. As a shinobi, travel is a given and I think when the mood strikes him; though it’s rare, he may tell you about some of his missions. Don’t interrupt or ask too many questions though, he’s still going to be impatient with you. he won’t become a fluffy bunny just because you’re his s/o. He may cook for you sometimes, not wanting you to live on ramen like Naruto does. He cooks a lot of tomato based things because he loves tomatoes, but if you’re allergic or dislike them then he’ll adapt his recipes accordingly!

- Bugs don’t bother him at all. He just doesn’t give a flying monkey as to whether there’s a spider crawling on his face or not. You do, though, so he’ll huff and grumble but will otherwise dispose of the creepy crawly or spider for you if only to get you to leave him alone about it. He secretly finds it adorable though he’ll deny it categorically if you ask him.  He’s an Uchiha so again, clean freak. He does what needs to be done when it needs to be done, and if anything he takes on the domestic role of the household pretty quickly. Gender roles mean nothing to him, they’re stupid.  He’s a grumbly-guts in the heat too so you may argue a lot in hotter weather. It’s not personal though, just the two of you having low fuses because of the heat. 

-  Sasuke is pretty chilled tbh, he’s very relaxed in the relationship because he trusts you, I mean why else is he with you? Like duh! He’s fine with letting you do whatever you want to do. If it’s not a good idea, then it’s whatever, he’ll warn you but won’t stop you. Then when it all goes wrong and he watches the mess unfold, he’ll be there for you after he’s done the whole, ‘I told you so’, and ‘you should’ve known better, stupid’ speech which lasts about five minutes before he gets bored.

- You’re both strong willed so you might butt heads often, but you make up quickly as it always comes from a place of concern. Sasuke isn’t a comforting person by nature so I think the most you’d get would be a muttered, “Hn.” with his hands in his pockets, a quick glance and then a soft hug. The tighter you squeeze him, the more he’ll grumble, but it’s only because he doesn’t know what to do with you. He gets the hint and holds you just as tightly eventually, though, usually when you’re pulling away he’ll realise he wants that hug after all. 

- Sasuke will keep you grounded without you realising it. A glance here or there, a shake of the head from the corner of your eye, a mood wherein he needs a little more attention than usual when he notices you slipping... it’s all very subtle ways to keep you out of your own head when he knows it’s not good for you on that day. In return, you do the same to and for him, though it’s more obvious and of course slightly more annoying for him, though he understands your position.

- It’s a very separate relationship and you work as a unit, the way it should be. There aren’t many rules or expectations, just being yourselves is good enough. Reassurance is rare because Sasuke’s with you, so what more reassurance do you need? He tends to take the dominant position only because it’s natural to hm as an Uchiha. Just don’t expect a fluffy Sasuke, he doesn’t work like that. When he’s tired though, it’s a different matter. Talk about an affection monster!

Thorin

- Assuming that you’re a human here, Thorin would have plenty of stories to tell you about his travels before and with the Company, as well as a multitude of dishes you could taste, and he’d be willing to educate you on dwarven customs and the language, too.  Then, in Erebor, there are libraries you’re completely free to explore as you wish to. The two of you would swap stories over the fireplace about your different species, cultures, etc. He’d be fascinated and could listen to you talk for hours with the softest look in his eyes. He’ll pretend it’s a reflection of the fire, but it’s not and you both know it.

- Thorin would know of your dislike of bugs and would flick off any insects or spiders that dare to grace you with their presence. He’d do it discreetly and without your noticing. He’d flick off insects, spiders, get bugs out of your hair before you even know they’re there. He’d pretend he’s just brushing your hair from your face or that you had dust on you. You’d know the truth but would appreciate it nonetheless. Kiss his cheek in thanks and you’ve got a blushing Thorin.  He appreciates your light humour; fitting right in wih the rest of the Company. You’re often the cause of diffused tension and he couldn’t be more grateful to you. He dislikes the heat too, so luckily, Erebor has a rather cold climate.

-  He’s the King so discipline is obvious. You would have certain expectations, as the s/o of a King, and any bending or outright breaking of the rules would result in firm discipline from Thorin; namely a lecture that he later apologises for. He’s also busy so you’re generally expected to do your own thing, and to do it well. You’d likely have your own job in Erebor so you’re rarely together. The nights are yours, though, so use the time wisely ;)

- He’ll definitely keep you grounded, though sometimes he’s the one who needs grounding. Anything that you want to do that he knows is a bad idea will be met with stony silences and side-glares. He’s told you his point of view and you did it anyway, so he expects you to accept full responsiility for whatever went wrong. You’ll get no sympathy or wise words from him, though he would tell you to learn fro your mistakes otherwise it was a wasted experience.  He sees it as you directly disrespecting him too, so it’s likeyl that you’d have an argument or you’d receive the cold shoulder from him until you’ve made up with him to his own standards. 

- Thorin is comforting, to a degree. Sometimes he has the words and actions you nee from him, and other times he’s just holding you and feeling helpless, berating himself for not knowing how to help you.  Sometimes he’s the one who needs comfort though; it’s not easy being King. Either way, it’s pretty balanced and you pull through together with whatever issues are currently at hand. 

- He’s definitely a dominant personality so I think the two of you would slot perfectly together. You look out for each other and support each other, which is what it’s all about. He can be a bit too gruff and so he sometimes hurts your feelings, but he makes it up to you in whichever way he can. 

This took me just over an hour so I hope you like it xD

[kaialone]

I’m gonna ramble about Ganon(dorf) for a bit

Proceed if you’re interested (I wrote a lot)

Okay so I don’t even know how to start this, I’ll just go.

(note that I’ll mention the timeline in this, please dont think that I dont know that the timeline could be changed at any moment should nintendo feel ike it, I just like semi-going by currently established canon. Also please note that I got no problem with people who dont feel like following the timeline for any reason, to each their own.)

I kinda really like the fact that Ganondorf is said to be a reincarnation of Demise, because, idk, somehow the idea of powerful demons needing to reincarnate into human form for some reason, and then once they have this form and live that life they start having human feelings and emotions and start struggling with what they want to be and maybe end up becoming good guys, is just somethign I really enjoy.

(If that sounds weirdly specific, Great Demon King Piccolo from Dragonball is one character with that kinda arc that I love.)

And then of course, one of the most interesting things about Ganondorf, imo, is how in the three different timeline branches, you got one incarnation of Ganondorf who turns out very different in each branch.

Something I always like is to just kinda, look at the different “last words” Ganondorf has in each timeline branch, and what they really mean for each of them:

"The wind... it is... blowing."

“I am the Evil King, Ganon...”

“The history of light and shadow will be written in blood!”

(though this gets a bit muddled in the Downfall Timeline, as technically Ganon died in ALttP, but was revived in OoX,´, which I see as his true death for now, but then again we dunno if any Ganons after that where him revived or reborn so *shrug*)

But first we should talk about the guy that “grows up” to be these other three.

I mean, personally I think no matter how you look at it, OoT!Ganondorf did lots of bad stuff, and wasnt a good ruler to the Gerudo (I dont mind different interpretations at all though), but I do think his initial intentions were good like we hear him talk about in WW, but lets not get ahead of ourselves here.

OoT!Ganondorf doesn’t really end up helping the Gerudo once he actually takes over Hyrule (all the Gerudo are still over in the desert, cept for maybe Iron Knuckles) and its heavily implied all the Gerudo were brainwashed to some extent (The carpenters note that the Gerudo seem nicer, post-Twinrova’s defeat), and Nabooru, who was very respected among the Gerudo, was explicitly against Ganondorf, but then brainwashed into submission.

Like even if you think Twinrova did all that without him knowing, not noticing your parents brainwashing your people doesnt exactly make you a good leader.

Adding to that, if A Link to the Past’s backstory is to be believed (and the timeline is not said to split until Link falls in the final battle) then, Ganondorf entered the hiding place of the Triforce alongside fellow thieves of his, and ended up killing them all so he could have the Triforce for himself.

Buuut before you think I’m just gonna talk about how bad OoT!Ganondorf is, like, I still think he genuinely wanted to help his people (at first) and that everything WW!Ganondorf says does represent his true feelings, and that at some point, he just really wanted to do something good.

I think its interesting to think about why that presumably changed for a while, wether you think its the usual getting mad with power, getting to close to the “dark side” or whatever with all the dark magic going on, or being groomed into this role by Twinrova, or all of that, or something else entirely.

I mean, he definitely did some bad stuff before that too, but in the context of Ganondorf being a reincarnation of Demise, I wonder if it could be possible that either seeing Link and/or Zelda or laying eyes on the Triforce ended up having some effect on him, like awakening some part of Demise within him so to speak, contributing to him losing sight of his initial goals and getting more about power in general.

Notably post timeskip Ganondorf seems to use a lot more monsters/dmemons to do his bidding than before, but this could easily just be the difficulty spike for the player.

Idk if this sounds cheap to people somehow, but I remember a popular theory being that the Triforce of Power turned him evil so, its not that different imo.

Of course, in the final battle we see OoT!Ganondorf become Ganon, presumably for the very first time, but honestly? The transformation itself isn’t that important to me, as it just feels like a visual representation of the downfall Ganondorf had undergone already anyway.

And then, when he is defeated, he infamously curses Link, and ZELDA, and THE SAGES, vowing to kill their descendants once he breaks free from the seal and all...

...which leads into who is everyone’s favorite Ganondorf, and rightfully so, WW!Ganondorf.

Before going into the present day of WW, there is its backstory, which is very interesting to me, cause you just gotta think, how do we go from a guy like OoT!Ganon to WW!Ganon?

At some point after OoT but before WW, Ganondorf’s threat became reality, he broke out of the seal and tried taking over Hyrule once more.

But I cant help but wonder how it mustve felt for him. I picture him for years, decades, centuries maybe, sealed away, picturing his revenge, imagining how great it’ll feel to get free and eradicate the descendants of Link and Zelda, and finally making Hyrule his.

But when he was freed, he likely found a Hyrule that was different from how he remembered it. Notably, there would be no hero, nor descendants of his for him to exact revenge upon. And while we know that a princess seems to have had existed at the time, who knows if she was “a Zelda”, if you wanna call them that.

I just imagine it wouldve felt a lot less satisfying that he imagined, heck, probably wouldve felt more like he was robbed if his chance to take revenge.

And who knows what even happened to the Gerudo by that point? I know lack of them in Wind Waker doesnt mean they are extinct, but for all we know they couldve left hyrule altogether? (Like they seem to have done between OoT and TP, and mightve done post OoT in the Downfall timeline, if you dont think they went extinct)

Overall I could see what Ganondorf mightve pictured/wanted to be his most glorious moment, his long awaited return, mightve just ended up feeling kinda empty.

Not that I think he wouldve done a complete 180 already because of that, but I could see it leaving him in a bit of a shock.

Adding to that, now just as he is about to conquer Hyrule for real, the gods decide to destroy it, essentially. Or at least, thats how Ganondorf felt about the situation, given how he speaks of it in the game. Its like the gods are playing with him, everytime Hyrule is just within his graps, they take it from him.

The flood mustve felt especially terrible for him, cause the way he saw it, it mustve been something like the goddesses saying “we’d rather just end hyrule and kill all its people than have you be its ruler”. What a slap in the face, to put it lightly.

After that, getting sealed away again, and all the stuff I mentioned above, probably gave him time and opportunity to reflect upon his life so far, and the future too.

I dont think that in WW, Ganondorf was just “going through the motions”, and just trying to finish what he started because he had no choice at this point. I do think he still genuinely wanted to try and conquer Hyrule, its just that he has had some time to think about it, a bit more about why he wanted it, and about what he did wrong before, and regretting those mistakes.

Like for example, he really doesnt seem like he wants to harm Link and Zelda anymore, if he can help it. He could be hating them, still furious for what happened during OoT, but he doesnt seem to be.

One of these days I wanna talk about all the contrasts and parallels WW seems to draw to Zelda games that came before it, especially OoT, but for this bit I just wanna mention this one thing.

How in OoT you confront Ganondorf, who smugly plays his leitmotif on the organ, the sound of which growing louder the further you approach his chamber. His back pointed at the entrance which he knows the hero will emerge from. Zelda, encase in a crytal, hangs above him like a trophy, like the hero bait she is to him at this point.

And then in WW, his leitmotif plays in his final dungeon, but actually grow more quiet the closer you get to him. That already makes you feel like, while it invokes OoTs atmoosphere, it actually turns it on its head. And then, when you do cofront him, “Zelda” is instead peacefully sleeping in a bed, (presumably Ganondorfs bed?) with him calmly sitting by her side, watching over her. He doesn’t face Link directly as he enters, but isnt completely turned away from his either.

Of course this scene still has some creepy atmosphere to it, especially when he starts reading her mind, but maaaan, the contrast to OoT (and games that came before it) just GETS ME everytime I just think about it.

Ahhh, I could go on and on like, you all know this stuff, you all thought about him in this game so much, didnt you?

I really hope nintendo will choose to give another Ganondorf this kinda depth, and maybe even just play with the idea of Ganondorf taking on a different role than “final boss” in a Zelda title. I would love that.

Now, let’s turn the clock wayyy back to when Ganon fought Link, and talk about the timeline that occurs when Link is actually killed by him.

To me, this is kinda of the “original” timeline, for various reasons, but I don’t wanna distract from our main man here too long.

In this version of the events, Ganon manages to actually aquire the full Triforce in the final battle of OoT, and causes quite a bit of misery before the Sages finally manage to seal him away in this version, too. But because he is so powerful with the Triforce and all that, it ends up costing a lot more lives to finally get to that point.

Now from that point on, this Ganon seems to just kinda rule the Dark World, a twisted “evil” version of Hyrule of his own creation. And of course most notably, either because of this worlds properties, or his general state of being, this Ganon seemingly always stays in beast form from that point on.

Sadly this one doesnt talk too much (though he is very much capable of doing so), so we dont get much of a grasp on his character.

To me, ALttP!Ganon feels like somewhere in the middle when it comes to Ganons. Despite his bestial appearance, he doesnt seem as blind with power and rage as TP!Ganondorf, maybe cause he doesnt call himself a god or something. But he of course is nowhere near WW!Ganondorf in terms of reasons and having reflecting upon his past.

Either way, it is clear that he is not happy with just ruling his very own personal Hyrule, filled with damned people that have become monsters like him, as in ALttP he does attempt to break his seal and go back to the World of Light

This might just be out of greed, but you could also imagine he might simply be unhappy in this demonic world, or even scared? Given how we see that some inhabitants of this land lose their humanity to such an extent that they’re turning into things like trees, maybe even completely losing their sense of self?

One of the more curious things about ALttP!Ganon is his relationship to Agahnim. No one is entirely sure what they are to one another.

In some of the mangas, Agahnim is portrayed as a human who gets possessed or turned by Ganon in some shape or form, and this portrayal is popular from what I’ve seen.

But in the actual game, Agahnim is described as being Ganon’s alter-ego. The term used in the japanese version is “bunshin”, which can mean a lot of things, including alter-ego or even reincarnation, but in the context of the Zelda franchise, there is another part in the series where it is used. In Phantom Hourglass, Oshus is described as being the “bunshin” of the Ocean King. So, if we assume Agahnim works the same way, his consiusness would have to be exactly Ganon’s, right? Of course that doesn’t mean other interpretations can’t exist, I myself am not even sure what to think.

The usage of the word bunshin does imply that to some extent, Agahnim literally was a part, or offshot of Ganon. So froma  certain point of view, we could add his character to Ganons, if we wanted to.

Something that intrigues me though is that in the Downfall Timeline, we never see Ganon in human form again. Could this be related to Agahnim? Maybe not exactly literally but symbolIcally?

Did Ganon split the humanity he had left off of himself, because that was the only part of him that could exit the Dark World before the seal was lifted?

If so, did Agahnim dying have any effect on him? Or did whatever Agahnim was in the end just return to him?

So much to think about here, ahh.

Of cours, ALttP!Ganon then gets killed by Link in their battle. Not sealed away, just flat out killed.

Normally this would probably be the end, but of course OoX happened, in which Twinrova tried to revive him, but didnt quite succeed.

Ganon is revived as a seemingly mindless beast, only actualy talking in his final moments, which is the quote from earlier.

In the japanese version, this quote is written entirely in katakana, which can indicate that its pronounced weirdly somehow, in cases like this likely because he had a hard time forming the words at all.

He also refers to himself as a Demon King in japanese, but that term hadn’t caught on in the english versions of the games yet.

Okay so, as I kinda mentioned above, this Ganon’s story gets a bit muddled from this point on.

Sometime after ALttP, but before ALbW, ALbW’s backstory (which is not ALttP) occurs, during which a hero fights a Ganon, who is then sealed away by him, the princess and the sages, but we dont know if this Ganon is the same, just revived again, or an entirely new incarnation.

But you could argue that it hardly matters, cause he barely does anything in the game, essentially acting as a power boost for Yuga...

However, there is a theory that he might do more than that actually.

So, according to this theory, Yuga actually was completely loyal to Hilda, and its only by fusing with Ganon that he starts wanting to betray, due to Ganons influence. The theory is nice in the sense that it makes Yuga more of an opposite of Ganon than he seems if you take the game at face value, and gives Ganon more to do. Depending on your interpretation, Yuga might just be influenced by Ganon, or they literally fuse into a being that is just as much Ganon as it is Yuga.

But of course that is just a minor theory, and you dont have to like it, naturally.

After that we get HF and AoL!Ganon, who is said to be more of a mindless beast as this point, no trace left of the human he used to be.

A rather sad fate.

Again it is unclear if this is the same Ganon, revived yet again, or maybe (anotehr) reincarnation.

But if its the former, you can only assume that, even if you dont think Agahnim dying had any effect on Ganon, just forcing him to ressurect over and over instead of letting him reincarnate properly, must’ve done quite the number on Ganon.

Somehow thinking about this version of Ganon in particular makes me think about the cursed boars in Princess Mononoke, who where lost to their anger. Especially the moment when the Wolf faces the Old Boar, who we have seen slowly lose his self at this point, and she almost pitifully says “Can’t you even speak anymore?” to him.

It almost feels like Downfall Timeline!Ganon is cursed by fate, in a sense. Not really in-universe either, but out of universe too!

History is already written (the first two games are already out) and thus Ganon has to follow the path that is already set for him, become what he will be in the future (what he is in the first two games), a frightening monster that terrorizes this kingdom of Hyrule for the sake of power, with no humanity in him (him having been human wasnt part of his character at the time the first two games where released)

I wonder if the demons failing to get Links blood in 2 will mark the end of this Ganon? (I hope not)

It was kinda nice to see BotW seemingly do somewhat of a modern take on this kinda idea of Ganon, something that has become little more than destruction of Hyrule in pyhsical form. I could see people place BotW as post- AoL for that reason, even.

And well, rolling back time yet again, we go to the last way OoT!Ganondorf turned out, which is TP!Ganondorf...

....who, compared to the others, actually has a bit more of a complicated “set-up” that kickstarts his character.

When Link gets send back in time at the end of OoT, his Tiforce of Courage breaks apart into the pieces we find in WW, presumably because Link was literally removed from that reality as he possessed it?

Then upon his arrival in the new Child Timeline, Link immediately gets the Triforce of Courage of THAT timeline, presumably cause he is in a state of being where he is meant to have a Triforce Piece of Courage?

Well, regardless of what you believe to be the cause, this is what happens, and as a result, the other two Triforce pieces choose Zelda and Ganondorf to bear them and end up residing in them. Thats how the pieces ended up with the three without the Sacred Realm being entered in this version of the events.

Link ends up warning Zelda and the king of the events that will transpire in the future, and thus Ganondorf loses the trust of the king and is unable to set his plan from OoT into motion.

Its a bit vague, but sometime after that Ganondorf starts a direct attack towards Hyrule, but gets captured and put on trial.

And as you know, as he was about to be executed, the Triforce of Power activated and saved him from death.

Now I am not sure if this is true, but I think up until that point, Ganondorf didn’t even know he had it.

But wether he discovered he had it now, or the moment it fist came to him, one thing I am sure of, he mustve felt so great for it. Cause he has no idea that a time travelling Link caused this to happen, right? From his perspective, the power of the gods just came to him like that because he is that great! And then, he cant even die as a result of this? He is literally immortal? Well, he must be the dang chosen one, right?

No wonder he got all god complex in this one!

Something I´m kinda interested in is how this guy spend years, likely centuries, in the Twillight Realm, and if his form in there is any indication, not exactly in physical form either, I mean isnt it implied he HAD to mae use of Zant like that in order to be able to have a physical form like that?

Ultimately TP!Ganondorf just is a lot like OoT!Ganondorf if you think about it, just kinda taken to a more extreme. He is no longer just human, but has transcended humanity much further than OoT!Ganondorf has, and feels superior to everyone because of it.

He is absolute in his own eyes, he is a god, his eventual victory is certain, his battle with the hero just a formality at this point.

And he sticks to that mindset until the very end, even as he is stabbed and fatally wounded by Link. It only makes sense, he couldnt be stopped by this before, why would it stop him now?

Of course the events that follow are rather vague, and people argue about what it means to this day, but I think it ultimately boils down to Ganondorf biting of more than he can chew, overestimating his own power. Or rather, what he thinks is his own power, cause its not even his.

From the moment he was impaled by the sword of the sage, Ganondorf has been a dead man.

He has only been kept alive afterwards through the power of others, the gods, and Zant as well.

This power was not his, and thus it could just leave him just as quick as it came to him.

The imagine of Zant snapping his neck, to me, either just refers to the fact that with Zant dead, who acted as Ganondorf anchor of sorts, Ganondorf himself dies as well, or it refers to the fact that Ganondorf, who saw himself as a god and superior to everything, was ultimately just as much of a mortal and simple being than the very person who worshipped him as a deity the most.

Yes, you could call Zant the very person that made Ganondorf a god in the first place, in more ways than one, so without him, Ganondorf is a god no more. And he dies just like any mortal would.

Ultimately this Ganondorf story feels like a story of hubris.

Simple, but neat.

(Its interesting like, its almost like, TP!Ganondorf was a human who longed to be a god, and WW!Ganondorf was like a god who longed to be human?)

But, do not think it ends here...

We’ve looked at all the people that OoT!Ganondorf grew up to be, but that isn’t all the Ganons there is, the story of Ganon actually continues further down the Child Timeline.

Yes, this brings us to FSA!Ganon, or as I sometimes like to call him, Ganon II.

I understand that most probably never played this game, and I probably won’t blow your minds if I tell you Ganon doesn’t actually do much in this game but, I still like to think about him.

He’s actually a proper reincarnation of TP!Ganondorf, folowing the latter’s death at the end of TP.

From some dialouge in-game we know a little bit about his past. Like his past life, he was a boy born to the Gerudo people, and was named Ganondorf.

Interestingly, in this game, the Gerdudo dont actually say that every 100 years a male child is born, they that every 100 years a “special” child is born, and of course Ganondorf was that special child. They still mention the “only man” part, but it doesnt come up with the “every 100 years” line.

Notably it also doesnt seem that Ganondorf was supposed to be their king, and it doesnt seem like they ever treated him like a king, they only mention he was supposed to be the protector of the Gerudo people and the desert.

This is just speculation, but perhaps, after what happened to the first Ganondorf, the Gerudo people decided it wasnt a good idea to treat the sole male like a king just because.

The Gerudo in the game tell you that the older Ganndorf became, the more twisted and obsessed with power he became, and eventually he started breaking their laws, too.

When he entered the forbidden pyramid, the Gerudo basically considered him banished from their tribe, but also didnt think he would ever survive in there and presumed him to be dead.

The Gerudo in this game really only talk badly about Ganondorf, which probably makes sense if he really just did bad stuff to them, but its a very stark contrast to OoT where the Gerudo seemed to just let Ganondorf get away with everything, kinda.

Something I wonder about if maybe like, Ganondorf wasn’t exactly treated well by the Gerudo, out of fear of him turning out like the old Ganondorf, or if Ganondorf just turned bad all on his own. Or maybe a mixture of both?

What is sorta interesting is the story of how this one came to be Ganon, which is that within the pyramid, he found a certain Trident, which is implied to have caused him to “awake as Ganon”, so to speak, as he picked it up. This is the inscription found with the Trident:

“Seek...you...the world? Seek you...power? Does your...soul...despise peace and...thirst for... more? Does your soul...cry... for...destruction and... conquest? We...grant you...power to ...ruin...the world. The power of...darkness. Evil...spirit of magic trident. You are...the... King of Darkness.“

The trident feels like it has more out of universe meaning than in-universe (though I do headcanon it to be a reincarnated ghirahim somehow, because I can). The trident being a weapon that franchise-wise is heavily associated with Ganon, and notably Ganon only, as Ganondorf is never really seen wielding a literal trident.

This Ganondorf picks up the trident, and with it the legacy of the interpretations of Ganons that came in the games before this one, so to speak.

I´m sorry for this part being so unstructured, but interestingly, Ganondorf is this game is referred to as “ancient demon reborn”, or something like “instrument of evil reborn” in japanese, hinting that even at the time of the game’s release, this Ganon was probably intended to be the reincarnation of a previous evil, likely a previous Ganon, of course.

What I wonder about is how much this Ganon is aware of that, though. When he grew up, becoming more and more twisted, did he know? Did he know he was the reincarnation of a villain that had previously plagued Hyrule? Did he feel his hatred? Did he know whose it was, or did he consider it his own? Or was it simply his own?

And when he picked up the trident, and transformed into a demon beast, did he understand what this meant? What he was? Did he ever obtain any memories of his past self, even?

Something that hints that this /might/ be the case is Shadow Link.

Now Shadow Link is not actually created by the dark mirror from the evil part of Link’s heart as the english localization suggest. Instead its created from the evil part of Ganon’s heart, using the dark mirror. It is said that through the mirror,the hatred and evil of Ganondorf, throughout time, took on the shape of Link. Likely because the hero is a major subject of Ganondorf’s hatred.

The fact that this happened when FSA!Ganon used the mirror, despite himself never having met Link up until that point, hints that he might, at least subconsiously, harbor the memories of his past incarnations?

But really, as usual there is a lot open to interpretation.

I´m just so intrigued, like in this timeline there is a “second Ganon”, a Ganon that came “after”, someone who had to take on this cruel legacy.

And, with that we have now talked about all the Ganon(dorf)s that have existed in the franchise to this day, not counting stuff like BS Zelda and the CDI-Games.

If you stuck around until this point, thank you so much, you’re too kind!

But also thanks to everyone that just skimmed this or looked it over briefly, I hope this wall of text did something for you. 

(Sorry for any typos I... type too fast when I get excited about a topic.)

[anomalagous]

lc’s ongoing long-ass list of what the fuck, teen wolf, and other sundry E606:Ghosted edition.

scott getting a little tiny bit snarly at the sheriff for not believing~~ in stiles gives me life

this old-ass map not only puts beacon hills on top of a real life place called scotty place which still makes me laugh, but also substantially more north and eastward than i originally estimated.

why the fuck didnt naziwolf just get the fuck outta bh?

why did he choose to stay and teach high school of all things?

california requires an 18 month accreditation course and a certain GPA of teachers who do not have an education degree, i know this from direct experience. its been three months since naziwolf busted out of his bacta tank, so what the fuck

if he forged his credentials, how

when

when did he actually learn all of the post WW2 physics and electromagnetics things he clearly genuinely knows and has a genuine interest in?

did the dread doctors read him bedtime stories from their science journals?

if so, what the fuck

i guess if youre an alpha werewolf you can sleep in the backseat with no seatbelt and its not a big deal if you crash

good job on malia being the driver and not crashing them im proud of her

reading the date of the canaan abduction in the standard american way it was april 8th, 1987, which cant be a coincidence given that’s stiles birthday (albeit pre-stiles)

if canaan has been abandoned for 30 years, who has been cutting these obviously not overgrown lawns and trimming these obviously not overgrown accent shubberies

why isnt that flag beat up or torn in any way?

kudos on giving that convertible the old 80s style california plates but why arent any of the windows on any of the cars busted out? no flat tires? no rust or missing doors?

also that shot of the ‘town’ where there was more substantial damage looked fake as hell and the crosswalk was proceeding at the wrong angle and i cant unsee it.

why is there still power running to these street lamps?

for that matter who has their street lamps scheduled to turn on in the middle of the day?

was that block party banner over the street lettered on both sides? it reads properly no matter what side youre looking at, which seems weird.

why is there blood on the carousel? was that explained? we’ve never seen the ghost riders’ gun draw blood that i can recall

im not even sure we’ve really seen their whips draw blood per se and certainly it wouldn’t have caused that kind of blood stain

also why is the blood still wet and red 30 years later? why wasn’t that newspaper rotted out? either time impacted this town to make it shitty as hell or it didn’t, pick one, you cannot have both. it still rains enough in california to totally disintegrate a newspaper in thirty years.

how the fuck did that carousel function even that tiny bit after 30 years in the elements?

why did melissa have to sneak chris argent around, couldnt he have just declined the operation against medical advice?

also good to see scott got his utter inability to lie from his mom

even if malia isnt wearing 100% stiles’ void-hoodie how could the costume department have thought for a minute we wouldnt have thought that was the void hoodie?

malia having a hallucination of theo in the same episode he comes back in for real seemed both rushed and entirely unnecessary.

in fact these hallucinations seemed wholesale unnecessary and neither scott nor malia deserved that nonsense

were all of these dead leaves already on location or did some poor asshole have to ship them in and then ship them out again

come to think of it, at first i was really excited to see coral/eucalyptus trees as they are actually trees that are in california (as opposed to the type of oak the nemeton is, which is distinctly Not a type of tree in california) but then i realized those are Southern California Trees and if beacon hills (and canaan) are that far north and close to the oregon border, the trees should be way more pines and evergreens and not coral or eucalyptus or ... any deserty tree, really.

seriously were these hallucinations just to show malia can feel sad too?

malia was wearing really subtle gold eyeshadow earlier. now it’s dark shadowing up to her browbone. does being a werecoyote also mean being able to shift your makeup at will? cause thats cool

do little girls seriously still play with baby dolls while hitting their first strides of puberty? im beginning to think i was never actually a little girl.

how much younger than malia was kylie supposed to be? bc she looks like 12 here but malia was like... 10 when the desert wolf murdered her family, right? was SHE the younger sister??

teen wolf shamelessly reusing shots with new filters on them like never before. this ain’t even the fifth time i’ve caught them doing this, this season, and i’ve literally never seen them do it in any of the other seasons.

im not sure anybody told kylie’s actress she wasnt gonna get to make out with shelley

how do werecreatures get piercings? or were her ears pierced first before the change?

why does anyone let liam make any decisions, ever?

i do not get why everyone finds naziwolf so hot

seriously i have a little tree-bush exactly like this right outside my door/garage and that shit is wild and untamed in just a month of no trimming in 30 years it would not have that nice slender shape anymore

also trees being choked to death by kudzu or whatever all these vines are dont look that healthy

is there even kudzu in california??? ive never seen so many vines in all my 10 years of living here.

the first house scott goes in theres like no tv in the living room but there is one chair (with no dining table) all alone in the dining room area, which just looks sad.

oh sorry two chairs set up in what was clearly the worlds most melancholy staring contest.

my dentist used to have that exact sailboat wallpaper trim around the top of his exam rooms.

scotts bullying a door.

have melissa and chris argent actually told the pack about the head-biting yet bc i feel like they should know

i think more people have asked scott if he’s okay in this episode than in the last three seasons, which is sad bc it’s basically just lydia and malia that do it.

that one house has some brutal earthquake damage in its exterior wall.

poseys microexpressions are so woefully underrated, he really is brilliant.

i have more grey hair than jr bourne and that makes me really angry

i like that they’re doing alchemy with druidic compounds/hedgemagic/whatever you want to call it more than i could possibly express.

why is there a porch loveseat on the step up to this one house but that FLAG IS ENTIRELY INTACT?

how convenient that all three of them were looking at that window when lenore decided to fuck with the drapery.

that said scott’s resultant HOLY SHIT?!?? face is amazing

how has lenore been surviving in this town, does she not need water, electric, heat, groceries? where did the lemons for the lemonade come from?

all this wood paneling is the most 70s thing i have ever seen in my life

i appreciate the little cast iron redwood decoration with the ‘m’ on the bottom of it.

everything!! in!! this!! house!! is!! brown!!

that piano as a busted af bass key there.

i feel like i’ve seen that other metal flower/leaf decor before. the new version of the stilinski house, maybe?

lenore has an intimidatingly large smile and i feel like that as an intentional casting choice

how come malia and scott couldnt hear her heartbeat after scott explicitly called out that there were no heartbeats? or for that matter not hear that caleb also didn’t have one? (presumably.)

im not 100% sure but i think malia is holding scott’s hand when they enter the dining room area of lenore’s house, which is adorable so i accept no other reality now.

i honestly feel really bad for lenore.

i would say the fisheye lens is s6′s slo mo but the slo mo didnt go anywhere

i dont know if its supposed to be fancy or artisinal or whatever you called that in the 80s but dont put green shit in your lemonade, green shit does not belong in your lemonade. lemons. sugar. water. it isn’t hard.

malia like chugs a good half of her glass at once, but when she sets it back down it is more full than any of the other glasses. i prefer to think she just faked drinking it to try and gain lenore’s trust than it’s a continuity error from the props department.

when lenore starts using her banshee powers to shake the house, it also magically converts the lemonade into water.

lenore has a pair of decorative ducks on her wall but they appear to be two male mallard ducks, so. gay duck decor.

so when does lydia get to have telekinesis?

i dont think im a very big fan of how angela harvey handles scott.

malia did NOT make a fist like she was really committing to trying to punch out that window.

seriously scotts the alpha he doesnt need lydia to give him permission to do things scott thinks need to be done

that being said scott going into the basement with a creepy kid when youre obviously in some kind of horror movie trope was stupid

the cameras they used for the senior pack team were super blurry anytime anyone moved even the littlest bit, its so annoying.

scott barely being tall enough to reach this tiny-ass basement window is endearing to me

there is no way a vhs tape that wet would run. i remember vhs tapes. they were not sturdy.

i feel like we used to have the same VCR in my parents’ room tho

also what the hell camcorder did they record this on that put it straight on VCR, camcorders in the 80s had weird little small VCR tapes you had to put in a converter. that was just a standard VCR tape.

also why are there jumpcuts in the home video? did somebody cut the original footage and THEN put it on a standard VCR tape?  how much fucking work was THAT??

caleb goes from 0 to 100 on the creepy poltergeist scale real quick

well okay maybe from like 40 to 100

banshee duel yessssss

literally why would noshiko do this after she saw what happened with the nogitsune

not that i necessarily think theo is as dangerous as the nogitsune but he is well bad enough

look at this worthless white boy doing this shit against all the advice of the woc around him

why does the sword do this, i thought the power was in kira and not the sword

if the power is in the sword why couldnt noshiko fix her own damn blade

look at this other worthless white boy even more worthless than the first

that looks like melissa is putting like grout on chris’ injury that does not look comfortable

oh look hes screaming imma guess it was not in fact comfortable

gratuitous jr bourne fanservice

awwww theyre holding haaaaands again

how did this kid get on the stairs the last time we saw him he was by the tv, why did scott and malia let him herd him like this

i appreciate malia’s willingness to beat up a kid poltergeist immensely

of the pictures on caleb’s walls, many are pictures of insects. one is a blue crab. one says ‘guten’ on it, which somehow entertains me a lot.

this is the second time this episode has tried to make me scared of carousel horses

the vhs footage loops while no one is attending to it which is not how vhs tapes work

malia is such a treasure

that being said having nearly drowned twice in my childhood this whole drowning-on-dry-land conceit is not super great for me

screencapping this is so gross

i love lydia’s fierce banshee scream face

so the blood was on the carousel before the wild hunt attack, as we see in lydia’s vision. SO WHY IS IT THERE??

THERE ARE KIDS RIDING ON THIS CAROUSEL WHILE SOME OF THE HORSES ARE BLOODY

poor skateboard bro couldnt even take his skateboard like rude wild hunt

i feel like there’s a lot more ghost riders here than there are in beacon hills. maybe the ghost riders just come for particular towns and the ones in bh are actually like... cora isaac and danny.

its amazing how much younger a good foundation can maybe somebody look

did liam SERIOUSLY just tell theo he can kill whoever he wants? did i hear that right? bc that is a TERRIBLE thing to tell theo, who has ALREADY KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE, even if what you meant was ‘dont kill us you need us’.

i cant believe we got this cheap knockoff as an excuse to not have kira and then they didnt even let him have the powers he needed to do the job

otoh watching his ass get blasted back into the tunnels was satisfying

literally nobody cares if youre okay theo you murderous fuck

i wonder how many times scott had someone steadying him telling HIM he has to breathe like hes doing for malia right here

i should really keep a tally of how many times scott does stiles’ lizard tongue thing while stiles is gone

this is gross of me to think while the character is basically drowning but hey now i know what scott looks like with his bottom lip all wet and covered in somewhat translucent stretchy goo--jizz. okay. it looks like jizz.

scott mccall nearly drowns on dry land after a lifetime of severe asthma and the first thing he does after is ask if malia is ok

luckily THIS time she asks if HES okay to but jeez

he looks so shocked and confused to be asked extra jeez

more scolia handholding, this time while fleeing danger

i was literally three in 1987 and i still have more grey hair than lenore who was demonstrably an adult in 1987 I AM VERY ANGRY

that being said i realized why caleb here’s clothing was bothering me so much. nobody had shorts that long in the 80s. everybody wore short as hell shorts in the 80s. it was thighs everywhere.

these stupid motherfuckers taking theo to scott’s HOME and putting him in scott’s SAFE SPACE without even WARNING HIM oh my GOD

those better not also be scott’s CLOTHES

ok but WHY are the wild hunt trapped? did they BRING the northern lights or is the northern lights related to what’s trapping them?

excuse me but WHEN did lydia see anything related to what happens to people after the wild hunt takes them and why didnt we get to see it too?

seriously its like if scott is thinking of stiles then lizard blep

im so mad at liam for bringing theo back and putting him in scotts house i cant even see straight

and i just know that this anger that scott is being allowed will be it

and in a week or two itll be working with theo like nothing ever happened

im honestly shocked he even got this much

he even got undercut there by malias (also justified) rage

cool that the morrigan got a namedrop but i dont trust them with that story eitherrrrr

man let me tell you if this was martin and not scott and somehow he had been murdered and resurrected and was then confronted with his murderer in his pack house that murderer would not fucking leave alive

im still kind of mad that this season brought claudia back to life just to make her so sketch and make me kind of hate her, i didnt want to hate her

oh okay its a different weird leaf decor piece than the other one

oh yeah noah OKAY NOW youre starting to believe BUDDY you have faith issues

[imskipping]

thots about homestuck epilogues

readmore for spoilers, super disjointed and very long, i havent slept in 2 days and my eyes are so goddamn blurry but then the epilogue came out so fuck my schedule i guess 

i certainly didnt hate it but i didnt love it, im like, just disappointed??? it wasnt what i wanted i guess. it wasnt satisfying. it was like, with my woke glasses on i can sort of guess why they made it such a cliffhanger. maybe they want to make sure theres enough of a response so they could push out a sequel, like we were joking bout in the discord, a homestuck 2. maybe theyre making the ending intentionally open ended so that people ask for more, so they can make more money, which i certainly dont villainize them for, mans gotta eat right, but it was so singularly unsatisfying. or maybe hussie just always intended to end it like this. open ended and confusing so the story marches on outside our purview. i dont know. but i just know i wish it wouldve been something different but im glad i got something at all. 

johns unhappiness in candy, his maybe permadeath in meat. jade and jake being so horribly treated in both. humiliation congas all around for jake when he doesnt deserve it. jade never having autonomy sucks. jane being a fucking facist, which i could sort of see happen but didnt like. roxy at least being happy in their life, no matter what decision they make. and dirk going full doc scratch in candy but being redeemed by his suicide in meat. like its nuanced sure but couldnt they have told a different story with the same nuance?  

candy was alright, much better character growth, but its sooo sad?? at least dog dick is canon i guess but wow! davejade when dave confesses to being gay? yikes. but then, i dont think jade knew he was gay so that just kinda sucks for her. and then he meets obama, becomes a robot, and fucks off to fight dirk??? ok 

dave and karkat separation was so abrupt. i wish jadedavekat had happened but not like how jade pushed for it. and i wish john had been brave enough at times to tell the other kids off? i think they wouldve listened to him, jane and jade. maybe if john had said something, it wouldve been better. idk 

i did like the whole obama part tho! it made me yell and gasp in my real life in actual excitement 

johns tantrum in tavros’ room? so good! it needs to be said!! his whole thing about kidnapping tavros to get him away from jane? yes! his home situation is awful! too bad it failed but for a fleeting moment, tavros was atleast happy

fucking gamzee jesus hes so irredeemable hussie said fuck gamzee stans i guess

and “begone, clown”? so good /chefs kiss 

the reappearance of vriska and (vriska), its always nice to have vriska (vriska) interaction.

at least rose and kanaya are happy. at least roxy is happy. i like how no matter what happens, roxy is happy because she wants to be. she makes her own happiness. void powers at work i guess. its realistic! we should all be roxy, creating happiness no matter what we choose to do.  

and john reconciling with his son, jake finally running away after all his suffering. maybe things will be better for them. but the rest of earth c is at war so yikes 

johnrezi is real, no matter the timeline! i guess its my otp now. 

as for meat. it hurt me more. i wanted more fun adult john and kids interaction, i feel robbed that there wasnt any. obviously i didnt pay anything for this but like, i guess i built it up?? lmao 

it sucks that rose died so early on in the lord english fight. and that dave died after doing so much. why in the world didnt jade fucking?? use space powers to fight??? idk but they got mad shafted. davepetasprite^2 didnt deserve their heroic sacrifice. they were the best character in the whole damn epilogue. 

i wish there had been more og beta kids interaction. them 4 are my favs, my whole reason for living. the fact they barely interacted was,,,, cold. 

the whole hammer spamming john does is fucking sick, and im gonna have to draw that one day but that was so good. the thumbs down john does? so sick

the johnrezi was so good! johns death mid confession made me shed an actual tear and his status as possibly revivable is like!! i want to know!! its oddly cute how terezi keeps him in the wallet? as a maybe dead schrodinger’s john. john has never permadied and i dont want him to? hes the protagonist, but i guess according to dirk, he isnt anymore so hes dead?? 

dirks whole dismissal of johns death was kind of jarring considering that the whole of homestuck has been kind of building john up as the unavoidable main character and therefore necessary for the plot but then callie and dirk both said that hes fulfilled his purpose by kicking off the next arc but?? it dont feel right. and dirks whole narration thing was like, so biased 

like fuck dirk 

transphobic dirk is canon now which no one asked for but we got it anyway 

i do love how rosebot is a thing and davebot is a thing, just like how jasprosesprite^2 is a thing and davepetasprite^2 is a thing. theyre always synchronous with each other

and once again roxy is happy bc they want to be happy and makes their own happiness. 

i loved the scenes where dirk and altcallie fight for narrative control

what was dirks whole thing anyway??? does he want to escape the narrative? where are they headed and is it just a random planet out there that they never bothered to look for?? 

i do like the scene with jade in the wheelchair, it sucks that she never gets to have any agency but atleast shes alive. kanaya on the warpath to get her wife back, everyone else just on the warpath bc dirk must be stopped. i wish they knew john was dead. i wish jade knew. 

i guess it just gave me so many questions. 

like, is john revivable? will they get rose back? where is dirk going and why did he get his bullshit omnipresent powers and if theres going to be an epic showdown between dirk and everyone else where does robodave and altcallie fit in 

dirk is the new big bad but why? why did terezi go with them bc she just kinda does it without saying why

when will jade stop being possessed

who will win the war in candy 

will meat and candy intersect again or will they live separate from each other now? 

i have so many questions but i dont think ill ever get answers 

i just wanted john to be fucking happy