#once again if you know where that quote is from…
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sheyfu · 18 hours ago
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pairing: itoshi sae x gn!reader
synopsis: sae turns into a child boohoo (ik impossible but why not idk)
cw: none except my dookie writing skills HAHAHAHHAA IM RUSTY AND IM JS MUCH BETTER W WRITING CHAT AUS’!/&;@/& tbh it kinda lost its plot in the middle but wtv; not proofread HAHAHAAH; swearing
notes: this thought occurred in the midst of me fighting against nature and its worst call (TMI IM SO SORRY); will fix format later cuh i did this on my phone HAHAHAHA; ITS FLUFFY I PROMISE
wc: 781 (LONGER THAN EXPECTED WHAT)
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you love itoshi sae. you really really do.
you love him to the point where youre willing to fight anyone and anything just for him even, if it would cost you something.
you wonder how youve come to love him; was it because of his “nonchalant demeanor” that had ticked every time bomb you had in you, or was it his athleticism—yes, i know, boring—that quite literally fixed you in more ways than one? orrr was it actually his cleanliness and (n)-step skin-care routine that would probably do the opposite of what it actually does with how uncooperative your skin is?
youre actually not sure.
but what youre sure about right now, at this time and day, the itoshi sae you fell in love with was definitely not present.
“saeeee” you call out to your husband from the kitchen.
silence.
“saeeeee” calling out much louder, youre met with even more silence that quote on quote, ticked every time bomb you had in you.
weird.
“underlashes?” entering the dining room with your already-running-thin-patience, youre met with a sight to definitely behold.
“what do you want?” your husband—question mark x2–now reduced to a child perfectly mirroring his own features grumbles out from his seat at the table—a half-eaten slice of blueberry cheesecake slathered all over his mouth and some even getting onto his shirt.
what the fuck actually???
“ummmm” you question aloud as confusion paints itself on your face—your eyebrows visibly furrowing as you try to process what’s currently going on.
“you—“
“dont say anything. i dont wanna hear anything.” another grumble—albeit high pitched—comes from the seated man (the boy? child? manchild?) with his signature scowl planted on his face.
you watch with curious eyes as the manchild (youll call him that for now) reaches up for the fork on the “high-ass table counter thingy” (his words, not yours) attempting to feed himself.
heading off to the kitchen to grab your phone (for blackmail), you hear a sudden clank and a scoff from mr. manchild.
turning your head once more to face him, youre once again met with a sight youd definitely want to keep in your book of memories forever.
there, right in front of you, was the itoshi sae, mr. idgafer, the prodigal son™, the man of many names, and the love you call your life, staring down at the fork with the meanest mog and scowliest (is that even a word) face the world has ever seen.
thats right. the itoshi sae that was present right now, at this time and day, was not only the itoshi sae you fell in love with, but also the itoshi sae youd want to spoil, protect, and care for with your whole life.
“sae…” you try to stop yourself from laughing. you really do.
but in that moment, all hell seems to break lose, and that hell was your own laughing hell.
“pfft— hahahaha!” as you laugh your ass off, you miss the subtle shift in the red head’s expression.
your itoshi sae may not have been currently present, but you definitely there; the person he fell madly and deeply in love with. you and your bright smile that could light up all the emo shit inside him, your laughs that seemed to make everything much better, and your—
oh right. his blueberry cake.
ignoring your laughs, the little boy proceeds to hop off the high chair to retrieve the fallen fork.
hes almost tempted to leave you to your laughing trip, but hes too tired to clean up himself. so he does what every child would do; call a trusted adult.
and that trusted adult nearest to him was you, who so happened to be his spouse.
shaking his head, underlashes jr. starts telling you off and bossing you around like the chill guy he is.
“oi stop laughing and help me with this mess.” he slurs out, unable to resist the grin on his face.
“bu- but.. its your- your mess!” taking a deep breath, you wipe away the tears that had appeared on your eyes. “that was a nice laugh! right, underlashes jr?” grinning from ear to ear, you ruffle his hair, receiving multiple complaints and “punches” to your arms.
“yeah yeah whatever. now get off me and help me!” the mini guy successfully swats your hands off his hair, a faint blush blooming on the apples of his cheeks.
“alright, alright! right away, mister mini!” letting out a couple chuckles, you drag the little guy with you to the site of the (his) mess. “im not letting you off the hook though, little guy. you have to clean with me. ‘kay?”
“tch. whatever.”
he wouldnt have it any way though.
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gotta-winwin · 10 hours ago
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(💬) ... vernon chwe x reader
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⭐ starring: vernon
💬 preview: the seemingly 'extraterrestrial' man that occupies Cubicle #218 cannot seem to take a hint - no matter how many flashing signs you throw at him.
tw/cw: fluff, corporate vernon, vernon is an oblivious lil shit, allusions to sex, quotes from b.e.d by Jacquees, shameless flirting and banter
based on an ask (hi + thanks for requesting!) as well as b.e.d by Jacquees MDNI
🪽fic rating/wc: pg 13/ 3.5k
☁️ masterlist & a/n: i am forever stuck in this vernon loop - alas, here's a request that's been sitting in my inbox for awhile, brewing vernon thoughts the whole time. although this fic is entirely fluff, there are allusions to sex so please be mindful of your age and the fic rating.
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Vernon would have quit his job a long time ago if it hadn’t been for you. A part of him still yearned for the stage, a trusty guitar in his hands and the sound of diehard fans screaming his name. Instead, he had found himself stuck, circling the corporate ladder, clocking in to work everyday just to sit in his one lonely cubicle, staring at numbers he had only pretended to understand when getting his degree. 
He had his resignation letter signed and ready to go, and he would have handed it in if it hadn’t been for the notes that had begun to appear.
Colorful post-it notes that he’d find in the most random places - first his desk, then his lunchbox, in the pocket of his coat, stuck dead center on his computer screen. It baffled him, yet the notes kept coming, every single day of work without fail. At first he had scoffed, chalking it up to some silly office prank, but as time progressed, the notes became almost a given, as if the notes itself had rooted into his everyday routine. It filled him with anticipation and a reason to clock in everyday. As much as he hesitated to admit it, the silly notes made his day.
Of course, the notes were anonymous. Vernon had no idea that you were the reason he still showed up to work. 
“This is basically workplace harassment.” Anne, your closest co-worker, commented, as she watched you pen your next note to Vernon. She was the only one who knew it was you behind the colorful post-its.
“If he didn’t like it he would’ve told HR months ago.” You argued, ripping the completed note off the pad of bright orange post-its. “Besides, you’ve seen him smile at the notes. Even got a laugh out of him a couple times.” 
“But-” Anne snatched the note from you and read it aloud. “I hope our love will be like the number Pi: irrational and endless.” She shook her head, tsking. “Even for a compsci major, Y/N, Vernon would never find this funny. And if he does- he’s either mocking you, or his humor is just as broken as yours.”
“It’s funny!” You protested, snatching the note back. “Besides, I don’t even know where to leave this one. I’m running out of creative ideas.”
“What’s the point? You just need him to see it, right?”
You gave her a look. “There’s a higher probability of him laughing if he doesn’t expect the note. The less obvious the place, the better. He can’t be actively looking for it.” 
Anne sighed, spinning her chair back to face her work desk. “Compsci nerds.” 
Ignoring her, you continued. “I’m torn between leaving it taped to his water bottle, or taped to his bike.” 
“Of course Cubicle Number 218 Vernon Chwe would bike to work.” Anne rolled her eyes. “How old is this man? Can’t he drive?” 
“Hey!” You protested once again, defending him. “Maybe he just lives close, more cost-efficient you know.”  
Anne sighed. “Tape it to his bike.” Her fingers tapped against her keyboard as she spoke. “He’s definitely not going to be expecting that one.”
Your smile widened, already imagining his little stunned expression. “Okay. Cover for me- I’ll be right back.”
“Whatever.” Anne mumbled, although you caught a glance of the amused smile on her face. 
It was famously known throughout your office that the resident of Cubicle #218, Hansol Vernon Chwe, did not smile. He came into work and left while sporting the exact same facial expression the entire time. But you knew he smiled at your silly pick-up lines, no matter how stupid. And you knew that you might be the only person who knew just how pretty Vernon’s laugh was- even if it was from a distance.
If only you knew just how much Vernon wanted to know who was behind the silly notes that were his pick-me-up each day. 
You: 1 Vernon: 0
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“I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.”
Vernon snorted audibly as he read the note, this time written on a hot pink post-it. His neighbouring co-workers snuck glances at him, drawn by the sudden noise. 
He ignored their stares, tucking the note into his jacket pocket for later. He was slowly amassing a collection of them, his desk back at home covered in multicolored post-its, each one from a different day. Sometimes the lines would be so terrible he’d shudder in cringe, but more often than not, he’d find them genuinely funny. 
Grabbing a file he needed faxed, Vernon made his way to the copier down the hall. Someone was already occupying it- and he realized he recognized her, the pretty girl who lived in cubicle #17. 
He could hear the loud music coming from her headphones, poorly hidden under her strands of hair. 
“Charli?” He asked, recognizing the familiar beats and rhythm of the song. 
He watched you turn around to face him, startled by his sudden appearance. “What?”
He pointed awkwardly to your headphones. “Is that Charli XCX? I didn’t think your name was Charli, don’t worry. It’s Y/N, right?” He rambled on, smiling sheepishly. 
You blinked, a little dazed by the amount of words he was suddenly speaking to you. You had always thought, like everyone else in the office, that Vernon was somehow untouchable. Someone so mysterious and way out of reality that the two of you just didn’t exist on the same plane of the universe. But now here he was, talking to you like it was the most normal thing in the world. 
“Yeah.” You answered, after realizing you had just been blankly staring at him. “To both questions.” You quickly added, equally awkward. “It’s Charli XCX and my name is Y/N.”
“Great.” His gaze drifted past you towards the copier. “Are you nearly done?” Holding up the file in his hand, he gestured behind you. “I need to fax something.” 
“Oh!” Hurriedly moving aside, you let out a tiny laugh. “I wasn’t really using it. Sometimes I just come in here and pretend I’m busy- to get away from how stuffy the office is. I don’t know why I just told you that.” You were mortified, glancing at him to make sure he wasn’t judging you.
Vernon’s lips were quirked into a smirk, as he tried hard to push down the laughter that was threatening to bubble up inside of him. Ultimately failing, his mouth widened into a smile as he laughed, the sound filling your ears better than any song could. 
“I like you.” He stated, as if it was such a simple thing and didn’t have your heart racing. “You’re funny.”
His smile widened once he caught sight of your open mouth, stunned into silence at the new side of Mr. Cubicle #218 you were currently seeing. 
“Close your mouth.” He mumbled, reaching a hand out to do it for you, his fingertips lightly pressing against your jaw. “You look like a fish.” 
“I- what?” You spluttered, moving a step back. 
Vernon shot you another melting smile, picking up his file and closing the copier. “Anyways, I’m all done. Are you going to hide out here some more?” He kept his eyes on you as he stacked the papers in his hands, organizing them against a nearby table. 
You nodded dumbly, eyes following his movement as he walked out, stopping by the doorway to shoot you a tiny salute before turning away. He walked down the hall with a gait only he had, disappearing down the hallway, leaving you feeling extremely confused, your cheeks oddly warm. 
You: 1 Vernon: 1
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“Are you a worm? Cause I’d like to split you apart.” 
Morbid, yes, but you were slowly running out of ideas. Placing the sticky note strategically in his work bag, you scurried off, ducking behind a bookshelf to watch his reaction. 
“Are you a worm-” Vernon made a face as he read the note aloud. “Ew. Weird. Kinky?” He looked up at the ceiling, a concerning yet intrigued look on his face. A chuckle escaped him and you smiled in your success. 
Your work days seemed to blow right by with the joy in knowing you had successfully made him laugh, mind still churning through your last encounter with Vernon by the copier a couple weeks ago. It had both startled you and ignited something within- a longing to know more about him. 
“Looks like we’re the only ones left.” 
You looked up, blinking your dry and strained eyes, spotting Vernon hovering right above your cubicle wall, a tired expression filling his face. You glanced around the office and realized he was right. 
“Has it already been that long?” You wondered, rubbing your eyes as you shut off your computer, standing up to stretch your stiff back. 
You could’ve sworn Vernon snorted at your words. “Do you enjoy working here? Time does fly when you’re having fun.”
You shook your head. “God, no. I’ve just got a lot on my mind, that’s all.” Yeah, you. 
An unspeakable look crossed his face as he grabbed your coat, helping you put it on. “C’mon, we can walk together.” 
“Oh. Thanks- alright.” 
The walk was amicably silent as you fell in step beside him, clutching your winter coat tightly as you both entered against the harsh wind. You spotted his banged up yellow bike across the street and bit back a grin. 
“You bike to work and back?” You asked, although you already knew the answer. You often passed him on your own way to work, spotting him through the windshield of your car. Nearly ran him over once, in your earlier days of working, but you don’t speak of that.
“I do.” Vernon patted the trusty bike with a loving hand. “Never failed me once.” 
A laugh escaped you, your breath hitting the winter wind and turning into a light fog. 
His eyebrows raised. “Are you laughing at me?” His lips quivered up as he watched you descend into laughter once again. 
“No!” You exclaimed through a fit of giggles, clutching your stomach. “Oh god, it’s just- Vernon Chwe- on a bike-”
A clear and infectious cackle of a laugh joined yours as Vernon too, doubled over in laughter. You paused, staring wide-eyed as giggles escaped him, thoroughly entertained by the amusement you had found in his transportation method. 
Passerbys would have deemed the pair of you as mad, with the way you clutched onto Vernon’s arm to hold yourself up as you laughed harder, his own hand gripping yours in the bitter wind. It was numbingly cold but both of your insides were warm, cheeks flushed due to the ridiculous image of Vernon on a bike. 
Y/N: 1 Vernon: 1 The universe(?): 1
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“Yo.” 
Your music paused suddenly, jolting you out of your zone. Spinning around in your chair, you frowned up at Vernon, who had somehow swiped your phone from your desk without you noticing. 
“What’s up?” You sighed, taking off your headphones to glare at him. “You didn’t need to pause my music, y’know.” 
“I’ve been sent on a coffee run, wanna come?” He spread his arms open in invitation. “We can take as long as we like.” 
Ditching work for a while did sound like a nice pastime, especially with the lack of work you had currently. “I wouldn’t mind a breath of fresh air, actually. I’m down.”
“Put on your coat.” Vernon handed it to you, watching as you shrugged it on. 
“I know you want to be in my b.e.d, grinding slowly.” 
The last note had taken him terribly off guard and he needed a distraction to remedy that. 
To be fair, you didn’t really know what had gotten into you- the sudden bravado and confidence put into the note had caught you terribly off guard as well. 
“Do you know Joshua? He works in upper management but we’re pretty good friends.” Vernon suddenly asked, walking backwards along the sidewalk so he could look at you. 
You nodded. “I’ve seen him around. He’s very social.” Unlike you, you declined to add. 
“Yes. He’s hosting a social gathering later tonight, and asked if I could invite you.”
“He asked you to invite me?” You shot him a wary look, not quite believing him. You and Joshua barely passed as acquaintances. 
Vernon’s hand reached behind his neck as he rubbed his nape, a sheepish and embarrassed expression on his face. You noticed his ears would turn pink whenever he was even mildly shy. “Okay, maybe I just wanted to invite you, alright?” He turned away, walking properly now to hide his face from your keen eyes. 
A slow smile crossed your face. “Oh, no.” You mimed dread. “You’re in love with me, aren’t you.”
“What?” Vernon turned so fast you reckoned he must’ve gotten whiplash. 
“I’m joking.” Punching his arm lightly, you gave him a lighthearted smile, ignoring the way your heart pounded at the brunt question. “I’d love to go to the little party. You didn’t have to use Joshua to invite me.”
“Well,” Vernon’s ears turned pink once again. “I’d say I’d pick you up and give you a ride home after, but- I don’t think we’d both fit on my bike.” 
Both your lips twitched at the reminder of that night, where the two of you had laughed like it was the first time either one of you had found anything remotely funny. 
“I’ll drive.” You offered, once the wave of silent laughter dissipated. “You can hitch your bike to the back of my car.” 
“Me,” Vernon’s mouth dropped comically as he pressed his hands to his chest. “A passenger princess? How lucky.”
His smile widened as you laughed, and he shamelessly basked in the sound of it. 
Y/N: 2? Vernon: 2? The universe: 1
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The smell of musk was the first thing that hit you as the two of you entered Joshua’s townhouse. It was a small, quaint place, decorated to the brim with trinkets and flower pots, overflowing with both people and food. Vernon led the way as you shuffled in, greeting familiar faces and smiling at strangers. 
“I thought you said ‘small gathering.’” You yelled, tiptoed next to Vernon so you could reach his ear. 
You could tell from his eyes that he had no idea what you were saying. “What?” He yelled back, although his voice was carried away by the crowd as well.
“I said-” You felt like you might burst a lung trying to communicate. “I thought you said, ‘small gathering!’” 
He stared at you blankly, blinking slowly, evidently still not in the loop. 
Giving up, you were about to turn away when you suddenly felt his whole body shake, quivering against you as he laughed. 
“What the fuck?” You yelled, this time right in his face. 
“I heard you the first time, silly.” He yelled back, a shit-eating grin spreading wider as he watched your eyebrows furrow. 
“Party Vernon sucks.” You concluded, moving away, only to be pulled back by his hand on your arm.
“Didn’t you complain that I was too ‘mysterious’?” He yelled, laughing harder when you visibly paled. “Yeah, I heard that. But it’s okay. I am very…how did you put it. Sullen, at work.”
Hiding your face, you slapped his chest, causing him to groan in pain. 
“Ow.” 
“Ow.” You mocked back. There really was no answer as to where the sudden childishness came from, but the way Vernon was staring at you- it made reason seem almost meaningless.
He threw his head back and laughed, soundless against the party’s atmosphere but somehow just as electrifying. 
“Have fun, Y/N.” He said, grabbing your hands. “Let’s dance.” 
Y/N: 2 Vernon: 3 The universe: 1
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You had always sworn by the fact that driving late at night with the windows down, cold air blowing through your hair was the way to go. 
“Admit it!” Vernon yelled through the wind, glancing at you from the passenger seat. “You had fun tonight.”
“I did.” You admitted. The party had been overwhelming at first, but the later the night got, the more fun you discovered yourself to have. “I haven’t had a night like that in a while.”
You braked at a red light and flipped through your playlist, switching on the one song you knew would get a reaction out of Vernon. 
“I know you wanna love But I just wanna fuck And girl, you know the deal I gotta keep it real I know you wanna see I know you wanna be In my B.E.D., grinding slowly”
The light turned green and you continued to drive, the roads empty and deserted, street lamps illuminating the world in a soft amber. Occasionally, you’d glance over at Vernon, who was bopping his head to the beat, murmuring the lyrics under his breath. 
Oblivious man. 
Reaching over, you turned the volume up, as if the louder the music was, it’d somehow reverberate its message into his skull. Get a hint! You wanted to scream at him. I’m kind of in love with you and want to jump your bones! Hello??
Vernon continued to groove to the music without a care in the world.
“This is a good song!” He yelled in your ear, his voice mixed with the whistling of the air, whooshing past you. 
“I know!” You screamed back. Oh my god. Is he really this dense? 
The song kept playing as you drove, winds calming down as you neared his place. In between the gap of the song switching to the next, Vernon spoke, his calm voice contrastingly the loudness before. 
“I think I’m going to quit the job.” 
You nearly crashed the car at his words, jerking the steering wheel back as you computed his words. “What?”
“I mean,” he turned in his seat to face you, his hair catching the last pieces of moonlight and shimmering against his skin. “I’ve always hated my job. And I already wrote a resignation letter and everything.” 
“Oh.” 
He must’ve noticed your silence, because he quickly continued. “Who knows? I might try being a rockstar or something.” 
“A rockstar?” You let out an astonished laugh. Vernon Chwe seemed to be surprising you at every turn, even when you felt like you'd already figured him out. 
He hummed. “Yeah. It just keeps..calling me, y’know?”
“Well then you should go for it.” You parked into the driveway of his apartment complex and turned to face him. “Really.”
“You think so?” His eyes were sparkling like precious jewels. 
“Yeah. I do.”
Even though you knew that meant your next note would be your last. 
Y/N: -10 Vernon: 3 The universe: -10
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The office seemed even colder without the presence of Vernon around you. Even though he had always kept to himself, you could feel the lack of “Vernon” in the atmosphere. How he’d entrance you with the funny way he’d walk down the hall, his countless snack breaks and your shared copier trips. But most of all- it was the lack of notes.
“First day without Mr. Cubicle Number 218, how do you feel?” Anne asked you from her own desk. “Although, I guess he’s not 218 anymore, huh?”
“Yeah.” You stared dejectedly at your computer screen. “This job sucks.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re quitting too.” Anne let out a loud sigh. “I still think you should’ve told him you liked him.”
“I did!” You protested, rather loudly, drawing odd looks from nearby coworkers. 
“You played a sex song in the car.” Anne pointed out, lowering her voice. “That is not confessing.” 
“Well he should’ve put two and two together. The lyrics on the note was from that song.”
Anne laughed. “We’re talking about the male species. They wouldn’t know subtlety if it ran them over with a truck.” 
“Whatever.” You muttered, returning to sulk in front of your giant mountain of paperwork. “He definitely didn’t like me like that anyways.” Sifling through the papers, you sighed. “I’m going to fax these, I’ll be right back.” 
Anne only hummed, too engrossed by whatever she was reading on her phone. 
Opening up the copier, you frowned at the paper already sitting there, a hot pink post-it note with messy handwriting scrawled on it. 
“With all the variables in life, baby can you be my constant?” 
You didn’t remember writing this. 
“Call me ;)” 
A loud laugh escaped you as you covered your mouth, looking around to make sure you hadn’t been caught loitering in the copy room once again. Grabbing your phone from your pocket you fumbled the numbers on the bottom of the note in, raising it to your ear as you listened to it ring. 
“Hello?” You whispered, cupping your hand around your mouth to avoid detection. 
Silence.
“Vernon?” 
The sound of shuffling from the other line reached your ears. “You didn’t think I was just going to leave without saying goodbye, right?”
“Vernon?” 
“Actually, pretend I didn’t say that.” 
Your heart puttered to a stop.
“When can I see you again?” 
Y/N: 0 Vernon: ♾️ The universe: 0
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vetochkarowan · 3 days ago
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First love your comic I wish I could have a print of it tbh it’s just so pretty.And I have an angst question to ask so Astarion is basically immortal and that hint with the child and white bat may mean kids eventually… so does that mean eventually he’s going to have to watch Mac and his future daughter pass before him or is there a happy ending for that possible future?
Thank you so much! I really hope I can quickly sort out the printing process, and we’ll have a real book in our hands.💛
As for the angst question: oh, what a sad but inevitable topic. You know, one of the first comics I thought of about Baldur’s Gate was precisely on this subject—that the price of love and happiness isn’t giving up power or control, but accepting the inevitability of the end. And yet… I couldn’t bring myself to draw it. Maybe one day I will.
But let’s approach it from another angle, starting with hope: unlike our world, the world of BG3 (including the AU world) is kind because it has unconditional magic. And that means there’s hope—there’s existence after death, there are reincarnations. Magic doesn’t just give people colorful lights and portals; magic gives people possibilities. Possibilities to overcome the inevitable (to quote a rather popular book: “And the last enemy that will be destroyed is death.”).
So, here’s how I see it: Mac is 41 now, and half-elves live about 150 years (and the lifespan of dhampirs is another story entirely). They have a hundred years to figure something out—to turn the world upside down, to journey to other realms, to find a cure for vampirism, to seek the Philosopher’s Stone, to raise their children (which, in its own way, is a continuation of life).
And, in my imagination, alternate universes (like Modernbat) are precisely what happens after death—or rather, instead of death. It’s where you meet your loved ones again in other worlds.
So, honestly, I don’t know the ending yet, and I don’t know if there will even be an ending. But I’d like to conclude with a free translation of a Czech poem, which, in my view, has become Mac’s signature song:
„It’s not yet autumn!
If I can bear, as autumn
bears its rain-drenched woes,
The sadness of what once had been,
I know: tomorrow blooms and grows.
I’ll shelve a thousand plans for later,
For tomorrow waits with time to spare.
My coffin hums among the woods—
A tree, still holding nests with care.“
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never watched the good doctor n never plan to. so maybe not good person talk about this. but never plan to watch it because in fact kinda hate it (mainly because once someone be ableist about high support needs autism n excuse it using shaun & say how they know what HSN is because they call shaun is, n quoting, “very high support needs” n he very. much. not. but anyway) — so this also give weight to what am going say
do see how people make fun of shaun (main character). like “i am a surgeon/sturgeon” memes n so much more. my favorite show house md & keep especially see meme compare house with sean autism to make fun of shaun—make fun of irony of “shaun be explicit autistic but bad autism representation & house not supposed to be / not explicit (depend on interpretation) autistic but somehow way better autism rep than shaun” situation. like:
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[id: two meme compare sean with house about autism.
1: left side is shaun screaming/meltdown in “i am surgeon” scene with “bad autism rep” write on top. right side house in prison suit with “good autism rep” write on top.
2: twitter screenshot from rooster @/ househiscane. left is picture of shaun n have “autistic doctor” non capitalized on top. right is picture of house with stereo n “AUTISTIC doctor” on top, with “AUTISTIC” in all caps. at time of screenshot, have 648k views.
end id]
n again, never watched the good doctor. so maybe in show there truly part where not great n ableist n problematic autism rep. BUT.
from all these memes. n all these people justify how they hate sean how them make fun of shaun is okay. don’t see evidence for how shaun & show represent autism in some truly problematic way.
instead. see visibly autistic person. see people describe trait of visibly autistic person. see people make fun of visibly autistic traits. see a visibly autistic and low support needs person.
see same rhetoric used by non autistic AND AUTISTIC people to make fun of n be ableist to me, visible autistic (high support needs) person. that am embarrassing. that am stereotype. that “no autistic person act like this.” that “you make me embarrassed be autistic.” that am make autistic people look bad. the r word.
every single one of those thing, have heard it also be use call shaun.
versus. house, he’s asshole, he’s visibly asshole, n because of that he’s dynamic he’s well rounded. but he’s not visibly autistic.
n so suspect in big part, or even, entire unspoken point of these comparison, or meme against shaun, is because. house is not visibly autistic so relatable n thus good to audience of mainly high masking autustics. he the real autism rep. he the good autism rep. he the ACTUALLY autistic rep. shaun is visibly autistic n thus not.
from crowd that champion unmasking! be free! be yourself! but say nothing, or in this case nothing good, about people who cannot mask or be put in genuine life danger if choose unmask. from crowd that say autistic meltdowns not tantrum! normalize autistic meltdown! it’s okay! don’t record or make fun of or comment on someone’s worst moments! but make fun of visibly autistic person meltdown in public.
although should not be surprised. should not be! this same crowd that not know what visibly autistic actually is. or even not believe it even exist. same crowd that think unmasking will make them visibly autistic same way it make me visibly autistic. same crowd that think it mean just some occasional happy hand flapping. same crowd that call themselves visibly autistic because they do those occasional hand flapping n in next sentence complain about be told “but you don’t look autistic.” same crowd that say autism not have look. same crowd that permanently group autism into invisibly disability.
same crowd that cannot fathom autistic person different from them.
same crowd that bully n exclude n speak over n be ableist towards me.
like it the autism show to acceptable make fun of, it the autistic character to acceptable make fun of. it the show n character where u can let out all your offensive edgy ableist anti-autistic feelings, go mask off about it. it acceptable. everyone do it. even autistic people do it. especially autistic people do it. especially high masking autistic do it. autistic people who do it n justify it okay because they autistic n that grant them free pass.
criticize how any show represent autism badly problematically. that okay! that acceptable! that great! not telling you you can’t. — don’t doubt in the good doctor there not parts that make you wince in bad way because it speak terribly for autism.
but if all your “reasoning” for why that autism rep is. traits of visibly autistic person. or, (not applicable in this case), traits of high support needs & traits of level 2/3 autism. it’s not criticism you just ableist.
you all say visibly autistic people get enough rep already that it’s time for low support needs invisibly autistic high masking autistic women (& white—but shhh that part shouldn’t be say out loud) be in center of representation.
you all can’t even handle a visibly autistic character that’s low support needs and CISGENDER WHITE MAN.
once again. am hate this fucking show. n am here defending it.
is it genuinely bad rep or is character just visibly autistic.
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erinwantstowrite · 6 hours ago
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Erin i saw one of your posts talking about how spider-sense in lof isn’t “magical” and it’s just all peter’s heighten senses
How does that work is my question and does that mean peter is not connected to the totam? Since if i remember correctly the spider-sense came from the spider totem which every spider-people are connected to the web of life and destiny
And idk what issue it was but i THINK ( don’t quote me on that) peter talk about how the spider that bit him was scientifically made but it origins are magical 
yeah i went in a more scientific direction because the totam thing felt,,, boring. i guess a part of it could still be him connected to that in some way but i much prefer peter having more scientific and man-made origin story because his story is about the feeling of humanity and how grief affects people, etc etc. usually i like a good magical origin story thing but just not for LoF peter.
his spider-senses are just literal spider senses. i imagine it like: we all percieve our surroundings, right? but we aren't consciously thinking of every little detail, unless we're far too aware of it or pushed into it via a panic attack or smth. often when our senses are too high, we freak out. processing all that information all at once would make someone sick. consider where you are right now. you might have a fan going that you know is making noise, but you're used to it so you don't pay attention to it. after some time, you might forget that you can feel a blanket on you until you move again. (hoping these examples make sense.) peter's senses are like that all the time now. he hears practically everything around him in a far greater distance than a regular human. he sees more minute details than our eyes can pick up. he processes time differently in some cases, because when he's focusing on all of that or he's doing something fast, it feels like the world has slowed down around him (in the way that bugs can be so fast and we look so slow to them). he might have become part spider but he's still got a human brain and many other human aspects of himself. so he has this mental block around those senses to prevent his human brain from getting scrambled by all the noise, sights, smells, feelings, all that jazz. he got used to it and blocks it out like we do. his subconscious picks up on these things and that's where that little "voice" comes in. often when there's a direction/ anticipation of an action/ knows where something is, it's because the little spider hairs all over his body have felt the movement. a "danger" sense is peter picking up something around him with one or more senses that he's just not aware of yet. when he picks up on someone's mood, it's not that his spider-sense is telling him what they're feeling, he's just picking up on the tiny details of how their eyes might have dilated or their breathing is shallow. or he's picked up on a smell from them, which is definitely not as aware of. he's kind of like a dog in that sense, he'd probably know if someone was having a medical episode. which is why i joke that he'd be subconsciously aware that tim has a missing spleen and he'd get worried/sense danger for him around some things
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maglors-grief · 2 days ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/teleit/764731859378847744?source=share
Team radioactive wastes' coping skills will never not amaze me lmaoo
Anon this is why I never venture into the hotd tags because I know if I come across posts like this then I won't be able to stop myself from responding 😭 I truly meant for this post to be short but it got pretty long so apologies for that lol. Also you sent me this ask like a month ago so sorry for taking forever to respond.
First of all, them saying "team black stans is being almost hysterical, trying to convince us that Saint Rhaenyra would never dare to kill Alicent's children" is immediately disproven by this quote in the book:
"Her first act as queen was to declare Ser Otto Hightower and Queen Alicent traitors and rebels. "As for my half-brothers and my sweet sister, Helaena," she announced, "they have been led astray by the counsel of evil men. Let them come to Dragonstone, bend the knee, and ask for my forgiveness, and I shall gladly spare their lives and take them back into my heart, for they are my own blood, and no man or woman is as accursed as the kinslayer"."
I have no idea where team green stans get the idea Rhaenyra is the bloodthirsty monster of the story because the paragraph right after that one is Aegon II saying:
"I want them attainted, I want them arrested, and I want them dead".
He said this at the start of the war, before there were deaths on either side, and yet he was still ready to kill his sister and her family. Aegon II then went on to throw a party for Aemond when Lucerys was murdered. But some people still think Rhaenyra was the monster.
Rhaenyra was willing to accept her siblings if they joined her side because she knew they had been manipulated by Alicent and Otto all their lives. While Aegon immediately wanted every single one of them dead and had to be talked down from it.
Of course I know there will be some team green stans that will say that Rhaenyra was bluffing and she would have murdered them anyways but she gave mercy to Alicent of all people simply because she was her father's wife even after declaring her a traitor and a rebel. And this was after Rhaenyra already lost multiple children because of the war and was going slightly mad from grief. Rhaenyra still didn't have Alicent killed even after Alicent mocked and belittled the deaths of Rhaenyra's sons and acted like the deaths of Rhaenyra's son mattered little compared to Alicent's own children by saying "bastard blood shed at war".
Let not have it forgotten that Rhaenyra herself did not commit any kinslaying during the war but Aegon II and Aemond did. Rhaenyra tried having mercy on her enemies who never once tried showing her and her family any.
It is insane to me how much team green stans will focus on Rhaenyra possibly killing her siblings but yet they fail to blame Alicent and Otto for making Aegon, Helaena, Aemond, and Daeron targets in the first place with all their scheming. Alicent and Otto apparently did what they did because they feared Alicent's children would be killed by Rhaenyra, so they started a deadly war that ended up killing them all anyways, it makes no sense.
I dislike that Rhaenyra gets all the blame in the tense relationship between her and her siblings. Do team green stans think Rhaenyra just woke up one day and decided to not get along with her siblings? Do they really not think that Alicent was not heavily involved in them not liking each other?
Her siblings were made to be a threat against her since day 1. Rhaenyra was a 9 year old child who just lost her mother but yet she still accepted Alicent as her stepmother when she easily could have thrown a fit over her father marrying again.
"Princess Rhaenyra poured for her stepmother at the feast, and Queen Alicent kissed her and named her "daughter". The princess was amongst the women who disrobed the king and delivered him to the bedchamber of his bride"
That was not someone who wanted to dislike her stepmother and future siblings. Alicent turned against 10 year old Rhaenyra as soon as she gave Viserys sons. Alicent was the one turned the court into two fractions.
Op said that us team black stans think: "that Otto and Alicent are the second and third coming of Satan, and they are must be blame for everything"
By the time the book mentions that 3 of her siblings have been born in the book we have seen nothing negative from Rhaenyra about Aegon, Helaena, and Aemond. But we do see multiple attempts from Alicent and Otto to discredit her and push for Aegon to be made successor:
"The amity between Her Grace and her stepdaughter had proved short-lived, for both Rhaenyra and Alicent aspired to be the first lady of the realm... and though the queen had given the king not one but two male heirs, Viserys had done nothing to change the order of succession"
"Those who asked, "What of the ruling of the Great Council of 101?" found their words falling on deaf ears. The matter had been decided, so far as King Viserys was concerned"
"Still, questions persisted, not the least from Queen Alicent herself. Loudest amongst her supporters was her father, Ser Otto Hightower"
"Even after Ser Otto had returned to Oldtown, a "queen's party" still existed at court; a group of powerful lords friendly to Queen Alicent and supportive of the rights of her sons"
They were the ones that made her siblings be her enemies by trying to rob her of her claim to the throne to give to her brother. What was young Rhaenyra supposed to do in this situation?
Also during this time is when we see Alicent say: "'Ser Criston protects the princess from her enemies, but who protects the princess from Ser Criston?' Queen Alicent asked one day at court" and I am convinced she did not say this in court, in front of other people, out of genuine concern for 13 year old Rhaenyra but as a way to slyly question the heir's virtue for the first time, something they loved using against her later on.
So yes I do completely believe that Alicent and Otto are to blame for everything. Between the years of 107 AC - 110 AC we don't see much of Rhaenyra at all but we do see Alicent and Otto actively working against her and splitting the court apart. And this is just the very beginning of their actions against Rhaenyra. In an effort to keep this post from getting insanely long, I won't even be mentioning everything they did over the next couple decades, such as being the ones who committed treason and started the Dance while Rhaenyra was minding her own business on Dragonstone.
And if we're talking about House of the Dragon, the idea that Rhaenyra would kill her siblings came from Otto Hightower. Otto was removed from his position as Hand of the King because of Rhaenyra and Alicent was trying to defend her and so I believe that Otto made up that Rhaenyra would harm Alicent's children in the future because he wanted to keep control over Alicent. He would not be there anymore to ensure they remained divided so he came up with some egregious lie to make sure Alicent would remain loyal to him and the future plan of usurping Rhaenyra.
We see no such indication from Rhaenyra herself in season 1 that she means her siblings any harm. Even in season 2 she's still incredibly reluctant to hurt that side of her family (except for Aemond because he killed her son) and was upset over the death of Jaehaerys because she didn't want to hurt Helaena.
Teenage Aegon didn't seem to feel threatened by Rhaenyra until Alicent made him feel threatened by her.
As you all know, Rhaenyra was just so scary and threatening during her time living in the Red Keep that she was somehow the one getting mistreated and bullied by Alicent to the extent she had to move to Dragonstone to get away from it 🤔 but yeah Rhaenyra was the threat and meant her siblings harm...
Otto was scheming to get a half Hightower/Targaryen on the throne before Rhaenyra was even made heir in the show. Rhaenyra got in the way by being made heir and so Otto began plotting to have the throne usurped. Alicent participated in this and helped. She raised her children to hate Rhaenyra. Alicent knew what her father had planned and did nothing to stop it. So yeah once again Alicent and Otto are the bad guys and I truly do not understand the mental gymnastics that team green stans do to defend them.
~
I was just going to ignore the rest of their post and only focus on the beginning of it because I didn't want this post getting any longer but I couldn't resist including some honorable mentions. From here on out, I'm not using the book as a reference because the original post seems to be mostly based on House of the Dragon and the person even discredits using the book as proof lol.
Op says: "As proof, you are given quotes from a book that these fans have hardly read in its entirety, their own opinion, which, of course, is an indisputable fact". - I have actually read the book in its entirety and I don't even know what to say here because yeah the proof is actually in the book and it's in the show that Alicent, Otto, and the rest of the Greens are to blame for everything. My opinion is always based on what I have seen in the book and the show. Meanwhile I believe that most team green stans have hardly even read one single page of Fire & Blood and their "proof" is usually just based on whatever their feelings are.
"Stories like Dance of the Dragons require you to dive into the personalities of both teams so you can understand the tragedy of the situation" - Op says this but then does nothing but bash all of the Blacks. They seemingly refuse to see their point of view, all while focusing on the Greens and their feelings. Doesn't seem like they have dived into the personalities of both teams because from everything they say the Blacks are all monsters while anything the Greens did can be excused. It's the hypocrisy for me because they're mirroring the exact behavior they just criticized others for.
"Your father doesn't care about you, and you don't understand why. Did you do something wrong? Why does your father love your half-sister and her children, but not you and your siblings? Why doesn't he protect you from your nephews' bullying?" - Alicent didn't protect her son from the bullying either and she was actually aware of it whereas Viserys didn't seem to be. She pretty much told Aemond that he needed to not make a fuss about it because their side of the family needed to appear united. Also why only mention Jace and Luke bullying Aemond and not the fact that Aegon was the ringleader of it all?? Jace and Luke were much younger than both Aegon and Aemond and they only wanted to impress Aegon so I think it's ridiculous that they tend to get all the blame for it while team green stans usually make up excuses for Aegon's treatment of Aemond.
"Your half-sister Rhaenyra HATES you. She shows no shame in showing her disdain, barely tolerates your existence, and never punishes her children for bullying you. She won't talk to you, won't play with you, and even seems to hate your name." In the show we don't see Rhaenyra hating her siblings. Where is her disdain? Where does she barely tolerate their existence? Where are we shown that Rhaenyra is aware her sons are bullying Aemond? Due to the large time jumps, we can't say for certainty if Rhaenyra ever did interact with her siblings or not in season 1. We only get to see one episode of Rhaenyra with her sons living in the Red Keep and it doesn't provide enough information for any of us to be making statements about her relationships with others. Also Rhaenyra is a grown woman with her own children and responsibilities to worry about, I can't blame her for not playing with her siblings.
"Your father yells at Aegon because Aemond said that Aegon is the one who lied about your nephews being legitimate Velaryons." - Yeah Viserys yelled at him but Alicent straight up slapped him right before that for not keeping an eye on Aemond even though that should be her responsibility as their mother. Aegon was forced to take the blame and get yelled at because he didn't want to blame Alicent. Maybe Alicent shouldn't have been telling dangerous gossip to her kids if she didn't want them possibly getting in trouble for it.
"Laenor dies, and you hear that Rhaenyra has married Daemon, ignoring the mourning period. You remember this man - he laughed at Laena's funeral" - Op goes on to be sympathetic towards Vaemond, neglecting to mention how Vaemond was using his eulogy for his niece's funeral to take shots at Rhaenyra and her sons. Daemon, who probably laughed in disbelief over Vaemond's audacity, is the bad guy but not Vaemond?
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ladybugsimblr · 6 months ago
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You can never say Lyree is slacking on her ideas and plans. She even did a quick mock-up although she still needs a username lol.
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echidna-cosmos · 4 months ago
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digger, listener, runner, prince with the swift warning. be cunning and full of tricks and your people will never be destroyed
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sadquickchristmassnowman · 2 years ago
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smeraldo-heart · 5 months ago
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More Jedi Textposts
Except I go straight for angst this time and don’t even pretend to have some levity
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Part two on its way….
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tenwhiteandalusians · 11 days ago
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is episode 8 the domitian arc ? more on this and EVEN MORE narratives i’ve been ignoring that the show said “actually,,,” about in 5
#hermes staying domitian’s hand… hermes’ face a flash of discomfort when he was torturing tenax… hmm. character growth.#WHAT WAS THAT HERMES. WHAT WAS THAT LOOK. NO GIRL GET BACK HERE I CANNOT ALSO DO THIS NARRATIVE OF YOU NO LONGER ABLE TO PULL HIM BACK FROM#THE BRINK OF HIS CRUELTY WATCHING HIM CHANGE AND SEEKING OUT SOMEONE ELSE IN HIS NEED AND FEAR AND ANGST. NO BABY GIRLLLL#I DON’T WANT TO WRITE A HERMES POINT OF VIEWWWW OF THE SIX YEARS HE SPENT WATCHING DOMITIAN BLOOMMMM INTO HIS POWER AND CORRUPTTTT because.#correct me if i’m wrong but in that very first scene that was a young hermes in the white right he watched domitian give his speech and saw#his father to truly see him the whole time as hermes has seen his brilliance.#NO I ALSO SAW THAT GUARD’S HEAD FOLLOW HERMES oh i hate it here. you know what i also hate? i need domitian to be successful for tenax#but also i do kinda like titus… NOOOOOO NO KILLING TITUS DOMITIAN I JUST SAID I LIKED HIM!!!! DOMITIAN!!!#oh. ohhhh no. OH NOOOO okay listen we can redeem this. we can have the whole turning point of the narrative be domitian’s mercy of hermes#the ultimate staying of his hand. proving he’s not entirely gone that hermes & his love still means something. do i think this will happen#no absolutely not. before he can kill his brother domitian has to kill the only other living person he loves perhaps more than titus if he#could ever realize it. (a brief interlude to yell LET’S GO LESBIANS LET’S GO HI IRIS) domitian… please spare him… OH WAIT HELLO THE BLOOD!!#ALSO a brief interlude to say i knew it was coming but ELIA’S SPEECH ABOUT LOVING INCITATUS??? I WAS ON THIS INCITATUS SHIT WITH THE LITTLE#NOD THEY HAD WHERE SCORPUS CALLED HIM TO BEAT XENON OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS!!! elia’s going to crush him. incitatus won’t listen.#scorpus is going to die twice once when they call elia’s name instead of his and then the second time when the scorpion bites him again#(he kills himself and tenax finds him. sorry to give everyone absolutely maximum damage here but uh. that’s how i can see it going down)#or alternatively worse: after killing titus who at times he loves and hates in equal measure (if y’all don’t think I have some UNHINGED#brothers quotes. we’ll keep mum here about why but suffice to say it is. relevant to other fandoms. and thus i have a Collection) the last#thing domitian has to do is kill hermes. and this one is both out of betrayal but also love because I think somewhere in here titus’ queen#berenice plays a role because domitian’s hatred of the jews probably comes to play a role and I think titus would show up and protect her#like Domitian engineers some kind of a situation where in theory titus could escape alive or beat him but he can’t do that & save berenice#and so of course he saved berenice. or she dies in his arms and he goes mad with grief and any way you put it berenice is the trap & titus#happily crawls into the lion’s mouth to save her for love of her etc and domitian sees him die for it. he gives titus every chance to come#back to him to work with him to be what he wants him to be and he always chooses himself he chooses love and domitian can’t understand even#when it makes him weak. and then he sees hermes dirty and emaciated and still terribly terribly beautiful and feels such a pang of longing#and love that he decides he has to die because he (domitian) cannot be weak. he cannot have any of it. also giving domitian worse paranoia#than he already has because if you kill your brother the one person who should always love you—support you—who can build me a new brother—#you’ve gotta generate some MAJOR issues. namely trust issues. and if he kills hermes they’ll be even worse. so like ideally To Me domitian#wouldn’t kill him but i do very much see the symbolism of cutting off his last earthly tie & desire to ascend to the divine imperial throne#those about to die
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timeclipsed · 24 days ago
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♡ ?? ( change attraction to cool level or smthing idk whatever you like best <3)
Send ♡ to see what my muse thinks of yours (status — accepting!)
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●○○○○ | AESTHETIC ●●●●○ | AFFECTION ●●●●○ | INTEREST ●●●●● | LOYALTY ●○○○○ | TRUST
#( LETTERS TO US; ASK. )#hiswrlds#this one is interesting in that i think even chronos genuinely doesn't know how he feels about strive.#a familiar quote we all know from idw may apply here actually:#“why would you bother with me? you already have him.”#on one hand this is sonic; a sonic that cares enough about him to travel mountains and roadways and cities just to find him.#a sonic that looks a little too uncomfortably similar to his own sonic.#on the other hand though; strive has his own tails. and chronos knows he could never measure up to young bubbly wanderlust.#he feels the love he knows he has for sonic towards strive but in terms of trust... there's next to none there.#he could never. not after all the previous “him”'s who he put faith in only to end up being scorned and rejected by.#it's not like with scourge where he's tangentially aware the “friendship” isn't healthy either because he genuinely cannot tell what strive#-is thinking ever. like why him. why waste time worrying about someone like him? he can't save him; he has to know that.#even still.#he'll follow strive to the ends of the earth if he's needed. now and forever.#because that's all he knows#“uprooted; we'll follow you alone // today once again we'll carry; fight; multiply and be eaten.”#“dug up; we'll meet again and be thrown around // but we'll follow you forever.”#“on this planet; where so many life forms live // today once again we'll carry; fight; multiply and then be eaten.”#“uprooted; we'll gather and be thrown // but we won't ask you to love us.”#“i guess it's time to play. maybe today we'll try harder. ah... ah... falling in love under that sky...”#yeah that feels apt.#i should stop here but wow i have a lot of thoughts about them...
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acourtofquestions · 3 months ago
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Golden flame danced between her fingers.
Elide recoiled, and the fire vanished as quickly as it had appeared.
"My name is Essar," the female said softly. "I am a friend--of your friends, I believe."
Elide said nothing.
"Cairn is a monster," Essar said, taking a step closer. "Stay far from him."
"I need to find him."
"You played the part of his mistreated lover well enough. You have to know something about him. What he does."
"If you know where he is, please tell me." She wasn't above begging.
Essar ran an eye over Elide. Then she said, "He was in this city until yesterday. Then he went out to the eastern camp." She pointed with a thumb over a shoulder. "He's there now."
"How do you know?"
"Because he's not terrorizing the patrons of every fine establishment in this town, glutting himself on the coin Maeve gave him when he took the blood oath."
Elide blinked. She had hoped some of the Fae might be opposed to Maeve, especially after the battle in Eyllwe, but to find such outright distaste...
Essar then added, "And because my sister--the soldier you spoke with--told me. She saw him in the camp this morning, smirking like a cat."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt, and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me, inform them who told you and they will." Elide cocked her head to the side.
Essar said softly, "Lorcan and I were involved for a time."
They were in the midst of war, and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen, and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut at those words somehow found space. Lorcan's lover. This delicate beauty with a bedroom voice had been Lorcan's lover.
"I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long, but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you. If it's Cairn they seek, that is where he shall be. His precise location, I don't know." Essar backed away a step. "Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded, even amongst the soldiers. And those who do follow him... You do not wish to attract their interest."
Essar made to turn away, but Elide blurted,
"Where did Maeve go?"
Essar looked over her shoulder. Studied her.
The female's eyes widened. "She has Aelin of the Wildfire," Essar breathed.
Elide said nothing, but Essar murmured, "That was... that was the power we felt the other night." Essar swept back toward Elide. Gripped her hands. "Where Maeve went a few days ago, I don't know. She did not announce it, did not take anyone with her. I often serve her, am asked to... It doesn't matter. What matters is Maeve is not here. But I do not know when she will return."
Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods, it seemed, had not abandoned them just yet.
But if Maeve had taken Aelin to the outpost where they'd lied that the Valg prince had been contained...
Elide gripped Essar's hands, finding them warm and dry. "Does your sister know where Cairn resides in the camp?"
For long minutes, then an hour, they had talked.
Essar left and returned with Dresenda, her sister. And in that alley, they had plotted.
Elide finished telling Rowan, Lorcan, and Gavriel what she'd learned. They sat in stunned silence for a long minute.
"Just before dawn," Elide repeated. "Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn. That she'd find a way for the guards to be occupied. It's our only window."
Rowan was staring into the trees, as if he could see the layout of the camp, as if he were plotting his way in, way out.
"She didn't confirm if Aelin was in Cairn's tent, though," Gavriel cautioned. "Maeve is gone--Aelin might be with her, too."
"It's a risk we take," Rowan said. A risk, perhaps, they should have considered.
Elide glanced to Lorcan, who had been silent throughout. Even though it had been his lover who had helped them, perhaps guided by Anneith herself. Or at least had been tipped off by the scent on Elide's clothes.
"You think we can trust her?" Elide asked Lorcan, though she knew the answer.
Lorcan's dark eyes shifted to her. "Yes, though I don't see why she'd bother."
"She's a good female, that's why," Rowan said.
At Elide's lifted brow, he explained, "Essar visited Mistward this spring. She met Aelin." He cut a glare toward Lorcan. "And asked me to tell you that she sends her best."
Elide hadn't seen anything that came close to pining in Essar's face, but gods, she was beautiful. And smart. And kind. And Lorcan had let her go, somehow.
#Chapter 23#Kingdom of Ash#Sarah J. Maas#Elide Lochan#Essar#HoF#Heir of Fire bonus Chapter#TOG series#Throne of Glass series#another great Maasverse enterance — aka one of my favs in these books & this one got me — totally adding the chapter myself when I get HoF#no spoilers please first read to read along with me Pt3 of 4 perspectives w quotes/notes/reacts in tags below spoilers in both post & tags#Elide talking about keeping them safe even if at the prospect of Maeve’s hands which is worse than death yet Aelin did for months😭🖤#Rowans I did 2 weeks-shit-hurry & you didn’t break even when she feels she did-but she literally had Maeve in her head for months & didnt#To shield them from any eyes--those on the ground and above. — the raptors — Elides got a knife ok girl😅😂 but when they halted once more…?#Golden flame danced between her fingers. — AGHHHHHHHHHHHHH#My name is Essar the female said softly. I am a friend--of your friends I believe. — YES YES YES HOLY FUCKING SHIT FIRE WEILDER HOF AH#Cairn is a monster Essar said taking a step closer. Stay far from him. —she doesnt know who she’s just being kind I knew I liked her#how does Maeve not know about her? or does she? is that an issue with the fire? hmm… also does the color change per wielder? we need more!!#If you know where he is please tell me. She wasn't above begging. — for Aelin😭#Because you are wearing Lorcan's shirt and Rowan Whitethorn's cloak. If you do not believe me inform them who told you and they will.#They were in the midst of war and had traveled for thousands of miles to find their queen and yet the tightness that coiled in Elide's gut#I'll be missed if I'm gone for too long but tell them who I am. Tell them that I told you.-cairn u seek he shall be-ok riddler😅#Don't go asking after Cairn at other taverns. He isn't well regarded even amongst the soldiers. — well at least they all agree on that#The female's eyes widened. She has Aelin of the Wildfire Essar breathed. — how did she know? Rowan being there (cuz clearly love)?#Aelin of the Wildfire — the regard That was... that was the power we felt the other night. — what doesn’t matter?#Relief again threatened to send Elide crumpling to the ground. The gods it seemed had not abandoned them just yet.#Just before dawn Elide repeated. Dresenda said the watch on the eastern camp is weakest at dawn.-Dawn?Mala?the sister?! I love Essar!#Lorcan’s ex lovers oh sweet Elide😅😭🖤 then the she’s a good woman&met Aelin that’s why cuz they all luv her&the risk we take&Elides 1 line😂#yet he didn’t let you go Elide TAKE NOTE OF THAT BABES#We all go in. We all go out. — and so they planned…
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avelera · 9 days ago
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*whispers* Viktor never once says anything mean or belittling to Jayce after they become partners. Not one insulting "you" statement, not one disagreement where he doesn't remained focused on the point of contention. He never makes ad hominem attacks, he never insults Jayce's appearance or intelligence.
Literally the single meanest thing he says to Jayce that could be considered a "you" statement is "Your mind has become rigid." Basically, he's saying that Jayce has suffered so much recently that it's closed his mind to broader intellectual possibilities like, that is barely an insult, and clearly Viktor just means it as a statement of fact, if not a challenge for Jayce to joyously consider possibilities again. And by the way? That statement is when Viktor is in his full his villain arc. It's remarkable because it's the only time he's pointed out a perceived flaw in Jayce since the night when he questioned if Jayce signed his notes out of being egotistical.
From the moment Jayce told Viktor about how beautiful magic could be, arguably once Jayce became a person to Viktor rather than a subject of academic discipline or skepticism, Viktor has not once leveled a personal attack against him as a person. Not even during the fight on the bridge. Not even when he called Jayce's Councilor work a waste of our time. Not even when Jayce was considering making Hextech weapons, Viktor still remained focused on the substance of the argument, expressed incredulity, anger, even disgust that Jayce would consider making weapons, but he never said it was because Jayce was stupid or privileged or blind. He pointed out specifically that he knew Jayce felt trapped by the decision, he knew Jayce was being manipulated, and then, in a very pointed manner, Viktor reminded Jayce that there's always a choice, challenging Jayce to stand firm and do what was right.
Even when they parted ways in 2.02, Viktor didn't say there was anything wrong with Jayce. He just said their paths had diverged, again not saying anything was wrong with Jayce, or even his choices, but rather that they're two different people who had stayed together longer than their diverging goals normally would have allowed because of the affection they held for each other.
I don't know, I get why people write Viktor as catty or mean or dismissive of Jayce. There's definitely some quotes from the day they met, before they become partners, that lend to the idea that Viktor can be quite dry and sharp with others. And conflict is the stuff of good fiction so again, totally get putting some conflict between him and Jayce in fic.
But I also think there's a tendency in derivative works like fic to Flanderize the characters, or worse, put them into narrow archetype boxes that are vastly different from their more interesting and nuanced canon selves.
How many times have we seen a wiggly man/straight man or blue vs. red personality partnership duo? How often have we seen those partners not be able to fucking stand each other, who are bickering all the time, who are snide or backtalk, or are perpetually sarcastic?
It's so common that I get why people see it with Jayce and Viktor but that's why it's so damn fascinating to me that they aren't like that.
Jayce and Viktor don't suffer each other unwillingly at any point, even when they're having a goddamn flying superhero fight in the final episode they're talking about how they're happy to see each other and praying that the other will please step away from this destructive path! They don't want to hurt each other, even verbally!
During the years of their partnership, they're constantly delighted by the other's presence, they are instantly comfortable together and never have a bad word to say to or about each other. They actually don't bicker! When they have disagreements, they stay entirely focused on the point of the disagreement and they never dip into personal attacks of any kind.
Even the tone of the time Jayce yells at him on the bridge, arguably their most acrimonious moment in the whole first season, isn't an actual argument, no more than a parent yelling at their child for running into traffic is an argument. Jayce says awful things but it's clear his anger comes from fear for Viktor and for their precarious situation. And it's clear this is a deeply unusual moment for both of them, Viktor is taken aback at how unusual it is, Jayce once called out backs down immediately, arguably because it's so unnatural for them to fight at all that it takes the wind out of the sails of Jayce's anger instantly when he realizes he's crossed a line.
No one can drag a bad word about Viktor out of Jayce, and vice versa! When Singed implies that Viktor might lose loved ones over his choices, Viktor immediately (and correctly!) states that Jayce will understand.
They are rigorously protective of one another too. Arguably all the times Viktor excludes Jayce from his Hexcore experiments in S1 is to protect him from his reckless and likely illegal experiments (as well as not wanting Jayce to stop him and wanting to live, but it can be many things). Jayce constantly cites Viktor as his partner and constantly reiterates that Viktor is his priority in life, that saving Viktor comes first. Jayce overthrows the goddamn founder of the city in order to protect Viktor!
Jayce's love for Viktor is so extreme that literally in S2, the only person who can convince Jayce to hurt Viktor, after seeing the post-apocalyptic Hell of a future that is caused by him, is Viktor himself. Jayce doesn't even get mad at Viktor after he learns Viktor is the cause of what he saw! He is instead desperate to get back, to avert the damage caused by their joint work in Hextech, and saved Viktor from the fate worse than death that is Mage Viktor's total isolation in the aftermath. And every step of the way, even knowing what he knows it's clear he's in agony at the thought of having to raise a hand to Viktor at all.
Now of course I'm getting into just how insane their love for one another gets in S2, but I just feel so baffled sometimes reading fic where Viktor is constantly undercutting, insulting, or belittling Jayce every which way. He never once does that after the partnership begins. And it makes me so insane because we have so many partnerships in media that do devolve into sarcasm, cattiness, and backbiting but Jayce and Viktor aren't one of them and that's really really fucking interesting and worthy of exploration I think.
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ay0nha · 1 month ago
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Don't Bite the Hand That Feeds | Lucius Verus Aurelius
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SUMMARY: "Your brethren trust you, you are the embodiment of redemption.” They spoke around Lucius, spewing anything in hopes of saturating his mind.  “Where is your image of hope? Where is the person who will relieve you of the grief you share with your people? Where is your Empress?"
PAIRING: Lucius Verus Aurelius x f!reader (arranged marriage for political reasons)
WORD COUNT: 2.4K
WARNINGS: canon-typical things, not much, mentions of alcohol, old-timey language, Google-accurate Roman empire things, dancing, arranged marriage, talks of lineage, angsty-ish, quotes from various people like Nina Simone and Octavia Butler sprinkled into dialogue,  etc. 
A/N:  I quickly wrote this in a few days with the amazing help of @astrd00. This is just sort of an introduction to my fic idea so apologies if it's a little boring. Arranged marriage trope sort of colleagues to friends to lovers. Let me know if you'd like to be tagged for future parts. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE comment it really helps me to keep going! More to come, enjoy!
The Latin translates to: a water drop hollows a stone, not by force but by frequent falling.
Everyone clung to the fog of death in the air with stiff fingers, unwilling to let their proof of newly promised freedom go. They celebrated in the streets, disregarding the savagery that occurred only months ago. The public enjoyed the amnesia, looking to Lucius not solely for responsibility but as a new object to place culpability. 
Yet, the heaviness permeated Lucius’ marrow. He hid it well behind the mask of authority. Even a sharp eye would miss the way it restrained him, intentionally ignorant of a flaw in their new leader.
It might have even been seen as a strategic move, a way to humanize the gladiator who seemed to defy the Gods. Strategy outside the arena was new, different from the portrayed brute that dusted his hands with sand. What lay in his palms now was similar to that of a child’s heart, beating rapidly with a not-yet-known burden of life. It was heavy and warm, begging for unwavering loyalty from its possessor. 
Lucius remained delicate with his hold, but the heart wanted more from him. Strength and honor would soon no longer suffice. It needed sustenance worthy of devotion and destruction. His eyes were steady on this phantom heart until those around him required his attention. 
“Emperor—” A magistrate repeated, voice raising enough to tease an echo. The new title sat heavily on Lucius’ shoulders, contorting his body into a position that mimicked Atlas.   “Our suggestion should not be taken lightly, it is for the prosperity of your Rome.”
Scrutiny wasn’t found in his tone or bitterness behind the remark but rather in genuine regard. However, there was an intention behind the ownership of Rome, a hint at the generational promise.  
“The public can wonder, speculate, but they do not see beyond the issue.” He continued, watching the twitch on Lucius’ face. “You may not like the mere thought, but gutta cavat lapidem, non vi sed saepe cadendo.” The magistrate paused, his words lingering. “How much longer until Rome is hollow once again?”
“This order is a fallacy.” Lucius finally made contact, eyes surveying those around him. “There is a need for trust, yes. And yet, you ask for deception?” 
“You misunderstand us, Emperor.” Another member of the senate spoke, hoping to alleviate tension. “There would be no deception in this union, only fortification of the reigning; an image for the people to find themselves in.”
 “Your brethren trust you, you are the embodiment of redemption.” They spoke around Lucius, spewing anything in hopes of saturating his mind.  “Where is your image of hope? Where is the person who will relieve you of the grief you share with your people? Where is your Empress?”
You smiled through the wine-fueled chattering of the ceremony, appeasing those who had just witnessed your union, but your focus moved beyond the conversation and revelry.  Above you was a darkened sky that mimicked night. Rain poured down, tempting you to fall prey to its numbing hold. 
The Gods are favoring your union, you were told when the sky opened. Divine intervention.  
But you knew the Gods were fickle, always testing your will against temptation. It was a test sent for you, one that an elaborate wedding and an emperor declaring your shared existence hid well. 
So you ignored the call of the humidity, being dutiful to your new role as empress. People bowed to you and nearly cried at how beautifully you paired with your new counterpart. Even as you sat on the marble throne beside Lucius you couldn’t deny their exactness. 
“Don’t worry, they’ll soon pass out from the wine.” You spoke softly, eyes ahead at your guests as you spoke to your husband. His grip on your hand fidgeted exposing his anxiety.  
Lucius paused, determining if honesty was worthwhile. His self-awareness was enough to remind him how unfamiliar he was with the environment that consumed his senses. 
“It is for them.” You nodded ahead to the crowd. The room was hot from the amount of bodies swirling around.   “Remind yourself of this when their faith falters.”
Lucius looked at you, attention trained on your profile. Even with a soft veil over your features, you were so absolute. 
“I know my purpose here. You are still learning yours.” You continued. “All I ask of you is that when they falter you place your trust in our bond.”
“I will place it where it is due.” There was your gladiator. The defiance comforted you. 
“Those around you are untroubled by that; all they crave is to spit on the fallen. It doesn’t matter if you are one of them, they are quick to turn.” You sharpened. “Be careful; join the sinful and you will be remembered with spite and desperation.”
You spoke of hidden things, of politics that lingered like venom in the bloodstream of the empire. Lucius knew not to mistake your words for ulterior motives. You were direct in your vows to further his image of a new Rome, it was why you were chosen to be by his side. Your mind was clear. You read the room perfectly, unraveling every detail of what was inherited. 
“My legacy does not motivate me,” Lucius stated. His ears attuned to you and you only, enraptured in how deeply you spoke as if it was a common thought. “I will not look to them for fame.” 
“You will, conscious or not. And once you do, you will not be able to look away.” You smiled pitifully as though you knew something he didn’t. “Just as they watched you fight, you misunderstand the impact of what is before you.”
“You believe that little of me?” There was a swirl of censure in his chest despite the small smile pulling at his lips.  
“There is opportunity to win, but that is a fool’s goal—
“To win?” Lucius scoffed. “Even you have been mislead, then. Thinking that there is a conquest waiting to happen.”
“I do not wish to insult you.” Your thumb adjusted against his fingers. It was in your nature to be candid, but at times you placed your frustrations unfairly. You softened. “Your promise of growth will help amend this.”
Lucius wished to pull away from you. He needed to think, to be separated from the feigned festivities adjoined to love. This was love; love created not between two people, but shared by you and him for Rome. 
That was not to say you were birds of a feather. 
Your strengths were found in your experience. Although young, you were no novice to how to hold your chin high while delivering truths to the senate. You learned from your uncle, an official who raised you on the true meaning of government. You were clever. The public viewed you as such. You were of noble status and fit to stand before them. 
What you lacked was a specific connection that Lucius brought to the people. He was one of them, raised humbly, hands worn from the earth’s harvest and war forced upon him. Lucius spoke well to them, building comradery with every way of life. 
“I would never ask you to compromise your beliefs. I know better than to think you’d behave.” You teased at his rebellion, hoping the guard that was up would calm. “Besides, a well-mannered lover is an offense.”
 “We are not lovers.” It was sterile in tone but revealed emotions long since buried.
“And we are not enemies.” You were quick, reading between his words to find the insult. 
“My lord!” A raspy voice begged for attention. “My lady!” 
You stood, bowing politely to the affluent man before you. He took advantage of the night; jewels adorned every finger that pulled at the elaborate fabric of his outfit. 
“It is time.” The rasp withered when he lowered to speak to you directly. His arms went wide as if inviting a hug, but he spun skillfully to face the audience. 
“Time?” Lucius looked to you. 
The man boomed over the forgotten rain. ““It is time!” 
Standing, you didn’t release Lucius’ hand. There was resistance on his end, wanting to remain sedentary and silent to wait out the rest of the night. 
“Our dance.” You answered to his wide eyes. Your guests cheered, clearing space. “It is customary to rise together and move as one. It will complete the ceremony.”
He rose at your words, not much of a choice otherwise than to follow. 
The fabric of your dress swam behind you, kissing the floor with each step toward the middle of the marble floor. The dress looked like water cascading down your body, hiding each bend and swell of your body. Yet, it highlighted something else, something deeper. It was subtle but powerful, like the way a garden seemed to breathe life into a space. 
“May the rain create a river to fertility.” The man held a contagious grin that spread around the room. 
Prosperity and posterity.  This is what they wanted. Lucius alone was not enough. The bloodline was more important than a single figure. It hadn’t needed to be discussed as it was the obvious forethought for your unification. 
The officials of the republic were more concerned about your fecundity and frame than the knowledge you held. It was a typical belief, one that you expected. Your fingers itched to bring your willingness to support the new decree to play and if this was your path to it, so be it.  
You remained clinical at the thought. It was a means to an end rather than something to be meditated on. The way Lucius hardened at the man’s words told a story from another perspective where the political became personal. You did not miss the ring on his pinky that rubbed against a new gold one. 
“Does the great gladiator know how to dance?” Your voice flowed to Lucius only knowing the opportunity rarely presented itself. 
The music shifted from something fast-paced to something more melodic that would encourage you both to move swiftly but attractively. You knew your words would hit a nerve, but it was strategic to motivate Lucius’ hesitant hands. 
“It is a back and forth. A push and pull.” You guided your hand to press against his palm, meeting together as if you were to pray. “Just like the arena, no?”
Lucius’ eyebrows pinched together. Not out of curiosity or frustration. He was genuine in his response. 
“Rarely is a touch this…subdued.” Soft.  
“Shall I spin you in circles, then?” Your painted lips were easier to see now that Lucius was close. He saw as they rose through your veil with the quip. “Disorientate you to the point of submission?”
Your arms weaved behind your back still connected to Lucius’. The dance was simple, one practiced as children. There were very few steps and wistful gestures that even the familiar still enjoyed. 
“Those are my only options? Coercion or blind fealty.” 
It left little room for interpretation or defiance. The statement came without hesitation but held pent-up sentiment veiled by familiar poise. You vetted his blank gaze for proper determination of his upset. 
It was odd to see Lucius so close, your memory had failed to cast such a strong light on him. Once overgrown hair had been trimmed to only curl at the nape of his neck. Dirt was cleared from every line of his face.  He was still rugged, but you saw through the exterior to find a boy.  
A boy who had been stripped of child-like wonderment and care. Instead, he held his broad shoulders high and an expression that lingered from his exile. Lucius’ skin perked every time your dress acted as a barrier between the two of you, a warning that whatever you offered had to be earned.  
“I do not ask much of you, Emperor...” You put it simply, knowing your worth and wisdom. You needed to be promised his word that against anything you would be beside each other.  “...so I will not ask again.”
“You are not satisfied with the trust of the marriage alone,” Lucius stated his question like an observation. “You wish I promise myself to you in ways which I may not be able to provide.” 
“Able or willing?” 
Your faces were close, noses mirroring each other as you turned on beat.  You could feel the warmth of your frustration start in your chest, only to spread across your skin as goosebumps.  
“The past and the future press so hard on either side that there’s no room for the present at all.” You spoke again before he could answer.  “You must decide where you belong.” 
The music returned to Lucius’ ears. Its melody weighed down your words, letting them settle deeply in his mind. His head spun with thoughts busy on reasoning.  Perhaps he was too guarded for his own good, but he’d gotten himself this far relying only on himself. He had held in a great deal. Often he felt he couldn't speak until the waters overflowed their banks and broke through the dam. 
Those around him garnered support, but this was different. You understood what freedom was; it meant no fear. Fear rolled right off of you. Fear was like a pet to you: something you picked up to get a better look at but that you soon grew tired of.
The music slowed coming to an end. Lucius removed his hands from your body but didn’t venture far. His calloused fingertips followed the seam of your soft veil to meet the laced end. Once there, he gently revealed your true manner. 
Your features were accentuated by an internal glow. There was no modesty in your gaze, it shattered any notion of strength. There was no insight into your emotions. What Lucius found was someone gifted. It was a marvel he hadn’t heard of you until you presented yourself as the wise option for him to marry. 
Although you ran in many circles, your name wasn’t whispered among the council. They didn’t believe beauty and wit could fit within the reach of a woman. Yet, here you stood. A new challenge to be accepted. Lucius resisted the urge to swallow quick breaths as if he were going to endure a blow from Viggo. His body agitated in preparation, but looking at you so wholly all he could muster was concession.
 “You have my word.”
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fatherbrat · 1 month ago
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TELL ME AGAIN, R. SUNA
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sum. sequel to one last time. you visit suna after listening to the voicenote he sent you, just to talk, and end up doing a little more than that.
feat. rintaro suna
cw. cheating/infidelity, suna really got on my nerves while i was writing this and he'll probably get on yours too, arguing, choking (m. receiving), edging, cunnilingus, a little manhandling kinda, missionary, multiple instances of "i miss/ed you"
wc. 2k
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Suna tries his best to keep the shit-eating grin off his face when you text him to ask if he’s home. 
He knew that voice message would get you. There was a tiny voice in his head that told him it would be a monumental embarrassment if you didn’t, but it was drowned out by all the other voices in his head telling him to send, send, send, send.
His stomach turns with anticipation. He doesn’t even answer your question, just orders an Uber and sends you the car make and model and how long it will take to get to your apartment. 6 minutes. And then 12 minutes from yours to his. 
He fishes out the fancy santal candle he knows you like from beneath the bathroom sink and lights it in his bedroom. Then he brushes his teeth and puts some music on and waits.
He jumps when the doorbell rings.
There’s a moment of silence when he opens the door, the two of you just looking at each other. It hits Suna that this is the first time he’s seen you in person in months. He used to see you everyday. There's a part of his chest that seems to ache at the realization. He ignores it.
“Hi,” you breathe.
He blinks once. Twice. “Hey.” He opens the door a little wider and shifts to the side so you can come in.
You take one step closer and then stop, eyeing him with unjust suspicion. “I didn’t come over here to fuck you.”
Suna takes one look at your outfit—shorts that are definitely too short to be comfortable in this chilly fall weather and a sweatshirt he’s pretty sure is his—and knows you’re lying. He doesn’t call you out, just grins and shrugs and ushers you inside anyway. 
You lean against the kitchen counter to survey the living room, pleased to see that it looks exactly the same as the last time you were here. Suna’s still standing by the door when you look at him again, arms crossed.
“So why’d you come over?” he asks.
It’s your turn to shrug. “You said you missed me.”
“Did I?”
You give him a sideways look. “You did.” You drag out the two words, nodding slowly and widening your eyes as if you’re speaking to a child.
Suna tilts his head to the side, smiling a little. “What else did I say?”
Oh lord. You should’ve known he’d be annoying about it. You shift your gaze up to the ceiling, pretending to struggle to remember even though you listened to his message several times, including once on the car ride over. 
“You said you weren’t happy for me…which is pretty fucked up.”
Suna just rolls his eyes. “What else?”
Eyes on the ceiling again. “You said you liked my Halloween costume. And that if I had sex with you it wouldn’t count as cheating because I haven’t been with him that long.” You put air quotes around his claim, sliding your eyes back down to meet his.
He’s standing closer to you now than he was a minute ago, looking like he’s holding back a laugh. “Now that part’s fucked up. Where is the boyfriend, by the way?”
You make a face and look at the time on the microwave. “Probably home. Probably asleep.”
“Yeah? How’s he doing?” He closes what’s left of the gap between you and tugs on the drawstring of your (his) sweatshirt to even out both ends.
“Fine…” you whisper, breath hitching when his hand brushes your ear on the way to your hoodie.
He hums after fixing the string and walks towards his bedroom, tapping your bare thigh as he passes you as a silent cue to follow.
You realize that he doesn’t believe your intentions for coming over are pure, which is true, but you don’t like that he didn’t even pretend to believe you. 
You follow his lead anyway, resting your head against the doorframe and watching him fish his phone out of his pocket and dump it on his desk. He sits on the edge of the bed and looks over at you with his eyebrows raised.
“I told you I just came over here to talk,” you snap.
Suna’s response is automatic. “No, you said you didn’t come over here to fuck.”
“Rin.”
He puts his hands up in mock surrender. “Sorry.” He leans forward, setting his elbows on his knees and his hands beneath his chin. “Alright. Talk.”
“You’re so fucking annoying,” you mutter. “I shouldn’t have come.” You twist your foot to turn around and immediately hear the bed creak with relief. Suna wraps his hand around your wrist before you can fully turn your back.
“Wait, I’m sorry,” he says. “Stay. Please?”
He sounds like he’s begging. He looks like he’s begging, with his slumped shoulders and pleading eyes and desperation written all over his pretty face. 
It’s not enough. 
“My boyfriend doesn’t taunt me like this, you know,” you tell him, indignant.
Suna’s grip on your arms loosens as his face falls a bit.
You continue. “He’s actually nice to me. And he’s romantic. Treats me like royalty.”
You watch Suna’s jaw tick. His hand returns to his side. “He’s boring.”
“He’s steady.”
Suna’s tone grows terse. “Dull. Stale. Bland. Vanilla.”
“Stable and secure and safe.”
Suna snorts. “Safe,” he repeats, sarcastic. “I seriously don’t get how you can date him.” 
“Because he’s my boyfriend who I love and not just some guy I used to fuck when I was lonely.”
It’s a low blow. You and Suna were friends long before the benefits came along. Good friends. Close friends.
If he’s offended he doesn’t show it, just latches on to the first part of your sentence. “You don’t love him.”
He’s right. “You’re wrong.”
“Really? Why are you here then?” He narrows his eyes. “And don’t say it’s because I said I missed you.”
You’re not sure when you started taking steps forward, or when Suna started moving backwards, but his calves hit the edge of the bed and suddenly he’s sitting again, looking up at you with that infuriating self-righteousness that makes your eye twitch.
And then your hand is squeezing his throat and your lips are on his and you’re straddling him and moaning into his mouth.
You feel him start to smile against you before he pulls away. 
He opens his mouth to speak, but you beat him to it. “Don’t fucking say anything,” you tell him, before tugging his face towards you neck. 
You can tell Suna’s still smiling, but he obeys, sucking the tender spot right above your collarbone without another word. His hands find the bottom of your sweatshirt and he pulls it up. 
His lips leave your skin and your hand leaves his neck so you can take your arms out of the sleeves and he can yank it over your head and drop it on the floor. Then he rests his hands on your hips and just looks at you. 
Goosebumps dance across your shoulders and arms. Suna wants to comment on how you're not wearing a bra but he doesn’t, just continues to stare. 
“What?” you ask.
He takes in the sight of you on top of him, the rise and fall of your chest—quicker than normal, a side effect of him riling you up. He revels in the weight of you on his legs and tries to recall the last time you had him beneath you like this. Your birthday? His birthday? Or maybe it was that time he tried to cheer you up after you got laid off. Either way, it’s been a long time and he hates to think about how you’ve probably been doing this with your boyfriend instead of him.
He can’t help himself. “You straddle the boyfriend like this?”
You huff and press your palm to his chest, shoving him onto his back. Your face hovers over his. “What are you gonna do if I say yes?”
Suna studies your face and puts his hands around your waist and beams. It’s the only signal you get before he flips you, putting your head on a pillow and taking his own shirt off before he drops it on the ground somewhere near your hoodie.
You prop yourself up on your elbows, glancing at the hard outline growing in his sweats as you trail your fingertips up his thigh. He leans into you and rests his forehead against yours. 
“I missed you,” he says softly. 
Your heart beats at a concerning speed. “I know.”
He gets up from the bed and snaps the waistband of your shorts before telling you to take them off and removing the rest of his own clothes. When he crouches over you again, you place the sole of your foot flat against him and tut. 
“You also said you’d do that thing I like with your tongue.”
Again, Suna chooses not to comment. He wonders how many times you listened to the message, because it’s sounding like more than once, more than a couple. He grabs your ankles and drags you down the bed, forcing a giggle out of your throat before he plants his head between your legs. 
He circles your clit, avoiding making contact with it directly and making teasing strokes with his fingers until you’re panting and quivering and making shaky demands for him to let you come on his tongue. When he does, you scream his name. 
“Music to my fucking ears,” he says under his breath, licking your slick off his lips. “You scream this loud for him too?”
You can't believe you forgot how aggravating he is. “Shut up and fuck me.”
He looks so smug. You start to think that the desperation from before was too short-lived, until he’s inside you and you’re filled with him and that familiar need that makes you wrap your legs around him and claw at his back.
All you can think about is how you miss him and you missed this, and you’re telling him to fuck you harder, and then his mouth is right below your ear and his hair is tickling your cheek and a stream of yes’s and Rin’s are tumbling out of your mouth like dominoes and youre trying to pull him impossibly closer and youre so surrounded by him that its dizzying and youre whispering i miss you in his ear and hoping it doesnt sound like i love you and hes saying i miss you too and youre wondering if he really means i love you too and then youre biting into his shoulder and—  
You lose count of how many times you come. Both of you do. The two of you are coated in sweat, laying on damp sheets in a room that now smells like sex and sandalwood. Neither of you speak, busy catching your breath and being lost in thought. You don’t want to say anything, afraid you’ll break the spell.
You didn’t have to worry about that, though, because you hear your phone ping loudly and realize it’s on the floor, still tucked away in the front pocket of your sweatshirt. Suna turns his head towards you.
“You should break up with him.”
You raise an eyebrow at the seriousness in his voice and sigh. “I know.”
“Today.”
A pause. “Okay.”
There’s another moment where none of you speak. And then–
“You should date me instead.”
You turn to face him and the earnestness in his expression catches you so off guard you have to look away again. It’s not that you never expected him to bring it up, you just hadn't expected him to sound so sincere when he did.
You had toyed with the idea before, a handful of times even, but everything between you two was so easy—why would you mess it up with a what are we? conversation? Although, you suppose you messed it up anyway by getting a boyfriend and ditching Suna without warning.
It takes you a long time to respond, long enough that Suna starts to game plan an exit strategy, but then you meet his gaze again.
“Okay.”
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