#once again hope this can help someone? plus always open to more suggestions etc etc

[wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart]

Oh no I am an anxious wreck once again. What now?

Here are a few tipps and tricks that help me personally to deal with anxiety (plus some I know work for others). Please feel free to add your own coping mechanisms in the notes!!!! Even though I technically know means to calm myself down, I always forget everything when I'm in the thick of it, so while this is mainly a reminder for myself I hope this list can help at least one other person as well :)

First of all: emotions are hard, and they are overwhelming, and shaming yourself will not make it better. Chances are it will make everything worse, actually. So don't you dare feel bad for needing help even with the "easy" stuff, or for not being able to endure as much as your peers, or even for half-assing stuff sometimes. It's fine. Like, for real. I promise it's okay. You don't need to always be at your best. You don't even need to be at your best most of the time.

What helps me personally is imagining that these struggles are affecting another person close to me. If my best friend were to call me because she needs help answering an E-Mail, or even to cancel last minute because she feels too overwhelmed to leave her house right now, I would never make her feel like crap because of it or talk about her behind her back or anything else your brain may be trying to convince you of. I know that she is at least as good a person as me (probably better tbh), so if I wouldn't do any of that, she certainly would never. In fact, believing these thoughts is actually a disservice to her, who did nothing to deserve these mean remarks (quite the opposite actually). Basically, try to twist and out-logic your own brain into being less of a cunt to you. Try guilt-tripping yourself into being kinder. The bad emotions are there anyways, might as well use them to your advantage. I can speak from experience that being anxious is a bit less unbearable if you aren't being a self-obsessed asshole on top of everything else

JUST FUCKING DO IT

If the source of your anxiety isn't a particular task you have been procrastinating on, or is something you can't just do whenever (f. ex. a job interview that's two days away), feel free to skip this part ^^

If you are still here: I know it can feel like actual hell to just do the thing. If you immediately want to click away after seeing this title I don't blame you. I mean, I am currently writing a huge ass post about anxiety instead of answering the two (2) E-Mails literally making my hands tremble. But the truth is, doing the thing is actually never as bad as it seems. Here's some stuff that maybe can help:

-> Remember that it's never been the end of the world before, so surely it won't start being it now. If you've already been through a similar situation: remember that it isn't the first time you've felt this way; remember that doing the thing wasn't as bad as you'd feared and, most importantly; remember how you felt after doing it. If this is the first time you feel like that, I'm sorry. I promise you aren't stupid for "overreacting", and I promise it will feel at least a little bit better if you just get it over with. And when you've managed the first time, you can now use that as an example instead of taking some stranger on the internet on his word. Worst comes to worst, you can still anon hate me (jk please don't)

-> Rewarding yourself. Remember that putting yourself down tends to make things worse. Allow yourself to be proud for your achievements, yes even the small ones that most people barely even think about. Because sometimes shit is just hard, but you still did it, and that's fucking awesome !!! For me personally just the knowledge that my anxiety will lessen (and I will probably get some good sleep - emotions are so fucking exhausting) is enough most of the time, but you can also give yourself a little treat afterwards. You've earned it!

-> Hide it in between chill tasks. Like right now, I'm writing this instead of my fucking E-Mail. I am a bit calmer since this is distracting myself from the daunting task of typing a few words. So I am now going to open my mails on another tab, type this shit, and send it. And I know that when I did that I will feel better about myself. And even if I fuck up somehow (how you ask? i don't fucking know), I will immediately have this task to come back to so I don't have the chance to overthink it. I FUCKING DID IT I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD

-> If you have a bunch of stuff you swore yourself you would do (a bunch can also mean like 2 btw) starting can seem even more daunting (even if it is, as aforementioned, "only" two). So I am very happy to present written lists my absolute beloved. In my experience, stuff is a lot less overwhelming if it isn't only living inside your head. You get a feeling of accomplishment when you can cross something off your list. You don't have to keep panicking about forgetting something (since everything is already written down on your list.) You can even break down bigger tasks into smaller more manegeable ones (f. ex. instead of "clean your room" -> "1. do your bed; 2. fold your clothes; 3. etc etc".) It's great because even if you don't manage the entire big task you still feel less like a failure since you've got proof of all the small accomplishments you did manage. Plus it's easier to continue on another day since you know exactly what you have to do and have proof of everything you already managed as a motivator.

-> Accept help. Be on the phone with a friend while doing the thing (if possible, of course). Ask your friends to be your hypeman before and after doing the thing. Get reassurance from other people. Go to your friend's house to ask them to read your E-Mails, summarize them verbally, and then type an appropriate answer for you (can you already tell me and electronic mail aren't in the best of terms?) Making things harder on yourself on purpose isn't being strong it's being stupid

-> already mentioned it a bunch of times, I know, but the thing that really helps for me is comparing with past experiences. I know I will feel better after I do it because that's always what happens when my brain blows things out of proportion. I know I can do this because I did even scarier stuff and it went well. Or even: if I manage to do this seemingly super scary thing, I will be able to use it as a motivator for smaller stuff in the future. I mean, what even is a fucking E-Mail in comparison to going to a social event on your own ??! (seriously, do it. in my experience it's surprisingly easy to find friends if you look pathetic enough, plus a lot of things seem a bit less paralyzing in comparison)

-> I turn it into a competition, or a game. If I do the thing I win. If I don't do the thing the anxiety wins. And I refuse to let that happen because I'm competitive AND a sore loser <3 so I do the thing. and then I feel a bit better

JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. THINKING IS THE ANTITHESIS OF DOING. (which you can also use to your advantage, à la better to think about that unhealthy coping mechanism and why you shouldn't do it than to stop thinking about it and actually doing it instead. But that isn't the point right now)

DISTRACTIONS

Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. Sometimes all you can do is wait. Sometimes you don't even know why the fuck you're feeling like that. And that fucking sucks.

I know there are some people who need an absence of stimuli in order to calm down. (If that's you, please leave some of your own pointers in the notes! I don't really have any ideas for that one tbh)

For me, the opposite is the case. I can't count the times my mom has told me to "try meditating!" or "don't do more than one thing at the same time it'll only stress you out even more!", unaware that giving my thoughts free reign would make everything so much worse.

I need to overwhelm myself in order to be able to forget about my anxiety for a while. Sometimes doing a task I've been dreading is easier after distracting myself for a few hours (being anxious is very tiring so if you let it run its course in the back of your mind for a while you'll have less energy for it later ^^). Here's some stuff that could help (though it should be noted that a) not everything will work on everyone and b) sometimes it just doesn't work. even if it worked the last five times. Don't ask me why it is what it is):

-> Do something (really anything) while listening to a video essay/podcast/audiobook. That's my go-to classic. Feel your mind slipping away from whatever you're doing? Force yourself to really listen to what is being said. Sometimes it helps to mouth the words along to my audio of choice (while still doing your thing at the same time!!) Speed it up (I've usually got my stuff at 1.75x or 2x). Assume that pretty much everything listed below can be done while having this as a second layer of distraction

-> Learn something new. I was literally just teaching myself the tabs for Every Breath You Take by The Police and 26 by Paramore on the guitar before starting this. I tried learning finnish and irish for a while there (learning vocabulary, trying to translate sth, learning grammar, etc.). Sometimes it can take a bit of time to get into it, but once you're there it's easy to lose yourself in it (in my experience at least.) And you can always start another video essay in the background!

-> Baking. I usually do half or fourth the recipe to a.) waste less ingredients; b.) have less stuff to eat so you can go bake more stuff sooner; and c.) feel less bad if it doesn't turn out how you hoped. Plus you can also make yourself more likeable by giving some to your neighbours ;)

-> Comfort book/series/movie/etc. I'll be honest, this one almost never works for me, but I know that for some people it does so on the list it goes

-> Take a walk. Touch some grass. Go outside. Personally have very mixed feelings towards this one. Used to do it all the time during lockdown (walking nowhere for literal hours while listening to music), but when it doesn't help it makes things much much worse (in my experience) So maybe be a bit careful? If you want to get away from your thoughts this is...bad. But otherwise (like if you just have the feeling of anxiety without a specific reason) it's worth a try

-> Do maths. I'm serious. For a while there I couldn't sleep, so I'd go on the net, search for equasion exercises, and just go wild. Don't look at the answer: this isn't the point. It's something with a fixed procedure and no consequences if you mess up (you won't even know if you mess up). Maybe instead of equations you find long division more relaxing. Just try not to think of school, put the pressure away, and give it a go.

-> Go to your comfort place. This is also a bit of a tricky one. First of all, not everyone has one of those. Or maybe you can't really go there (like, I always calm down when I'm at the beach. I adore the ocean. But I don't have sea anywhere near me, so sucks to be me i guess). But if you do have a place near you it's worth a try. Sometimes after a particular stressful therapy session i just...go chill at the library for a while. It helps :)

-> Blorbo scrolling. I personally prefer looking at a bunch of art and comics (visual stuff) since i don't really have the concentration to read when I'm anxious, but see what works best for you <3

-> Menial tasks. I love them. Sorting stuff that actually doesn't really matter (like taking all your books from your shelves and trying a new way to organize them). The already mentioned maths exercises. Washing the dishes/putting them back in their place (you can combine that one with the baking hehe). Volunteering work can also be pretty helpful: they often need help with menial tasks plus you can feel good about yourself for helping. Recently started helping at my local animal shelter and it's actually pretty great !

-> Sports. I personally hate sports and always feel worse afterwards, but so many people talk about it that it must be of help to someone out there. What I used to do when I got suddenly overrun by emotions is taking my skipping rope and jumping as fast as I physically could til I felt a bit better (and sweaty ew)

-> Sometimes I like starting a small project; depending on the mood either with no pressure to finish (or intention to show anyone ever because eww), or posting it in hope for praise that'll make me feel a bit better about myself heh. Just something else I can focus on. (ex. g. I've got a meeting I'm nervous about tomorrow so I started writing this huge-ass post) Just remember: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GOOD!! JUST CREATE! I PROMISE BEING CREATIVE AND/OR DOING STUFF IS AWESOME!! (or if nothing else at least frustrating enough to overshadow the anxiety lol)

-> In the wise words of mother mother: Dance and cry, and cry and dance and cry. (And sing. And scream. Or get out that skipping rope. Just let it out my dude.)

-> Watch a show in a foreign language faster (like 2x speed) and with subtitles (less time to read, more required focus, less brain power to panic)

-> immersive reading (audio + text); especially effective if you do it in a language you are currently learning or one that is similar (but not the same!) to your native tongue (f. ex. portuguese and spanish)

-> Try sleeping. Doesn't always work, but at least it wastes time.

I THINK I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACK

-> Strong sudden stimulant. Like smelling a very strong perfume or taking a freezing shower.

-> Just. Let it wash over you. It sucks, yes, but it'll be over. Try keeping calm. I know, easy to say when you yourself aren't currently going through it, but anxiety about a future attack will not, in fact, make things less worse. Once again, remembering past attacks can help as well? It didn't kill you then, it won't kill you now. (My therapist suggested using a mental image, like huge waves or something. I personally don't do that but maybe it'll help)

-> Cover your ears and listen to your heart. Key point: this is NOT aiming to drown out noise, but to ground yourself by listening to your own body (bloodstream and creaking bones etc) (ty anon <3)

-> I'm not sure whether this'll work with panic attacks as well (according to google one of the key differences is that these don't really have a trigger and just....happen) and it probably won't be viable in every situation. But just. Be enough of a spiteful little shit to turn your breakdown into a powermove. (The distressing emotions are there anyways might as well make use of them). You told your teacher you get extreme anxiety when you have to speak in public and they ignored you because the school system actually hates kids? Look them right in the eyes as you start hysterically sobbing so they feel really bad, maybe be extra subdued the next few lessons. As far as you know it'll get you a few pity points that'll make a difference in your overall grade! (Pretty sure I got a better grade in my arts finals than i deserved) Someone knowingly breaks a boundary you set because "oh you've been doing so well" and "it's an irrational fear so it isn't real anyways" or whatever they tell themselves to justify it? This is your chance to make them really see how what they did is wrong (and hopefully will make them think twice before pulling shit like that again). If you warned them, they are literally asking for it. And it'll seem that much more impressive when you are having a good day for once and manage to get through it without one (you've earned that extra credit). Maybe I'm just a bit of a vindictive person, but reframing the narrative like that in my head gives me some semblance of control, which makes it all a bit less scary.

IT DIDN'T FIT ANYWHERE ELSE BUT IS STILL IMPORTAT

This is mostly me reminding myself that it's fine tbh. Because it is.

-> Remember that you can just do shit. I don't know how else to say this, but sometimes my anxiety makes it feel like hiding away in my room is my only option. But that's not true! There is so much stuff you can do, I'm always in awe for a while when I get this through my thick skull once again. Like, you can just go to places. You can just write to your friends. You can just start a chat with that cool mutual you're too nervous to directly interact with. You can move. You can change jobs. You can redecorate your house. You can get into a random train and only get out at the last station, wherever that may be. YOU CAN JUST DO SHIT?!?!?! ISN'T THAT FUCKING AWESOME?!!!!!!!!

-> Extreme emotions can have unpleasant physical side effects. Sweating. Body odor. No appetite and/or extreme hunger cravings (sometimes at the same time??). Diarrhea. It sucks (especially when it continues on for multiple days and your oh so kind peers make sure to constantly remind you of those physical symptoms you are already overly aware of). But it's normal and it's fine. It doesn't make you gross, I promise.

-> THIS TOO SHALL PASS (that's it. Sometimes it's good to remind yourself. This too shall pass.)

-> Sometimes I just do small harmless shit to prove my anxious lizard brain wrong. Randomly say hi on that group chat you haven't entered for months. Create something you aren't really happy with and post it anyways, just cuz you can. Go do something on your own. The more you prove your fears wrong with little things like that, the easier it gets (especially if you have to do bigger scary stuff). Spite can be your best friend. (Plus easy way to gain more points in my mental competition hehehe)

-> Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you will fuck up. You will barely be able to say a word in the social event you forced yourself to go in order to meet cool people. You will be so obviously anxious at your friend's birthday that she will still remember that over a year later (despite your best efforts to hide it at the time). You will get an anxiety attack because of something you thought you had already gotten over months ago. And it sucks, but more importantly, it's fine. This too shall pass. This is another reason why the previous point is so important: it's harder to hold these incidents over your head if you have so many other experiences where you managed to prove yourself.

-> YOU get to decide when you want to try confronting a fear. Nobody else can do that for you, no matter how often they mention "exposure therapy" and shit (it's about the control once again. in my experience it's important for it to be your choice). Occasionally hiding away doesn't make you a failure. There are always more chances, it's never too late to start. Already mentioned it a bazillion times, but this shit is exhausting and you are well within your right to stay in your comfort zone and rest.

-> I don't know if it's just a me thing but self reminder to avoid lactose and gluten when overly anxious. (i never do but i am aware of it that should count for something)

-> gender-affirming stuff can help ^^

-> Not viable to everybody, but sometimes I just delete all social media from my phone. You can still go there through browser of course (that's where I'm actually currently writing this) but just not having the icon on the phone can already feel somewhat of a relief (social media in this case also including messaging apps like discord or WhatsApp or fucking electronic mail my beloathed). That's actually what I am planning to do immediately after posting this thing that came out a bit more personal and stream-of-conscousness than initially planned. You won't even be able to tell cuz I never tag my queues hehehe

-> mentally dunking my stupid anxious lizard brain into salt water rn. Fuck you. I'm posting this. I'm leaving my house tomorrow instead of calling in sick. I'm winning.

[cameronspecial]

Hi!! since ur requests are open, I have this idea in mind. Basically:

Zach and reader, and they just started dating. Reader is like an art major or smth similar and she is always seen walking around with all her art projects, she is really clumsy and always has paint over her etc. Because she is oblivious too sometimes Zack tries to gain her attention but she is just really focused on her work and idk u can come up with the rest 😭😭 like a fluff type of thing. I hope I make sense.

The Artistic Girl

Pairing: Zach MacLaren x Reader

Warnings: Suggestive Ending

Pronouns: She/Her

Word Count: 0.6K

Masterlist

His first memory of seeing her is when he was playing soccer with his friends in the quad. She had been walking back from class with a thin large bag thing. It was practically as big as her. Zach was so intrigued by the object in her hand that he stopped his game to ask her. “What’s with the bag?” he questioned, running up to her with an interested face. Y/N was so lost in thought that she didn’t hear him. He ran after her, gently tapping her upper arm. He smiled when she turned toward him, “Sorry. I just wanted to know what this big bag is. It’s almost as tall as you. It’s kinda a funny-looking backpack.” “It’s a portfolio bag silly,” she giggles, opening the bag for him to see her drawings. “I’m coming back from my figure drawing class.” He looked up to her to ask for approval to look through her work and she nodded. His hands flipped through the amazing art pieced with awe. She brought so much life into the two-dimensional medium. “These are amazing. I’m Zach by the way. Could I get your number? I would love to see more of your art,” he flirts. She beams at him, “I’m Y/N. I would be delighted to show you more of my art.” The rest of their story creates a beautiful painting. 

———

Zach walks into their shared apartment to find Y/N at her pottery wheel. Her hands are cupped around the wet clay, creating a bulge in the once-straight cylinder. Her hair is in a messy bun and dried clay can be seen all over the bottom of her face and neck. Her clumsy personality means that her art supplies often find themselves all over her skin. It’s adorable. He remembers one time she accidentally sat on her paint pallet. The paint was all over her butt and it was hilarious. His eyes dart to the clock and he takes note of the time. Doesn’t she have class now? “Baby,” he calls to her. No response, instead, her tongue sticks out and her eyebrows furrow. He lets out a soft chuckle. When she gets into her artistic zone, it’s almost impossible to get her out of it. He’s only found one way so far to pull her attention away from her art. He removes his jacket, puts it on the coat rack, and then approaches her. She doesn’t look up at him. He is now standing beside her and he moves his face in front of hers. Her eyes are still glassed over in concentration, so he leans in for a kiss. Once her lips feel him, she snaps out of her thoughts.

Her dirty hands fly to his hair and she laces her fingers through his hair, forgetting the clay that dusts them. They stay like that for a few seconds before he pulls away and rests their forehead together. “You are late for class, Baby,” he whispers, turning their head toward the clock on the wall. She turns his head to her again, which gets some clay on his jaw. She leans in for another kiss, “Well since I’m already late, I don’t think there is any reason to go now. Plus, look at you. You are all dirty with clay. Someone has to help you get cleaned up.”

Zach smirks at her teasing words, loving where this conversation is going. “You are so right. And look at you. You have clay all over you too,” he plays along. She nods, standing up with him. “Well, let’s go get cleaned up,” she suggests, tugging him to the bathroom with her laughter filling the air.

Taglist: @winterrrnight @loves0phelia @thelomlisrafecameron @nonbullshit-toleratingkindagirl

[maxenceandrebisset]

hey! i'm kind of curious abt this, can't wait to see who you come up with! i'm 6 foot, hazel eyes and brown hair (naturally anyway, atm it's green 😅). my hair's also buzzed! i'm a mechanical engineering student, hoping to either go into motorsport (not f1 ironically, fe or wec) or classic car restoration. outside of uni i do a lot of performing (musicals and normal theatre), i help out in student union (subject representative, and i was head of the union at college) and general crafty things; knitting, sewing, embroidery etc. i try to do them as close to early modern or industrial period historical practice, just for fun!

as the performing might suggest, i like to talk! but only once i've actually gotten to know someone, otherwise, as i spent most of my childhood at work with my dad, i can apparently come across as quite serious (my dad works in government, so i had to learn quite quickly how not to offend councillers and mps 🤣). when i do open up a bit, i sort of end up being the mum friend, for lack of a better term? i cook for my flatmates a lot, make sure they're going where they need to get. i do really like to learn things, no matter what they are; my dad always jokes that if money was no object he doesn't think i'd ever leave uni (which he's not wrong abt djgjjd). i in a partner, i generally get on well with people who can offset my nerves a bit, esp when it comes to being out and about in public, but also someone i can have a laugh with, and likes to get out and do things/explore new places!

thank you sm, hope you're having a good day/night ❤️❤️

For the beginning, love the detailed answer - let me tell you, you are hell of excting person! Or at least you sound like this.

As I read through your answer, the only driver, who kept popping up in my mind over and over again was

LEWIS HAMILTON

Now, I won't lie, I am a bit scared that you are some avid Max fan or something along these lines and detest Lewis as many people out there do, therefore you will hate even this answer, so if that's the case, then I am sorry.

- I feel like Lewis would be extremely supportive of your engineering studies and dream of having a career in the motorsport/car restoration - just following him on his social media, you can see that he is encouraging everyone both famous and regular people, especially women pursuing male-dominated fields

- plus I also think that he would eagerly want to help with this interest/direction of yours in particular - tell you his experiences and knowledge of the motor racing, which could help you and be valuable in your profession, or just give a helping hand in the car restoration if he knew for sure that he could help

- outside of F1 Lewis is also artistic, probably the most out of all drivers, so I think that he would love to attend your performances in the theater/musicals and would actually genuinely enjoy them, not attend them only because you are his partner and it would be respectful to do so as many other drivers would

- Differently from the first point, I believe that he would use your interested in knitting, sewing, etc. and "use you" when it comes down to his passion for fashion - letting you design or put together pieces he would later on wear and pull off even if they didn't turn out as great as they were supposed to, ask you for advice or give you ideas for your creations

- Now, Lewis also likes to talk, but he is not any sort of crazy out-going extrovert like Daniel, who would be speaking nonstop even in front of complete strangers - just like you, he likes to talk when he is around people he is comfortable with or he uses his voice and its influence during the more formal events and occasions since he has matured into a very well-spoken guy, who uses his popularity and platform to speak for those, who are not heard, and represent them in the world

- When he is not around his friends, he also seems like that overly serious person who is no fun, (standing alone with his umbrella, earphones and sunglasses on the truck every single race), but from my personal experience of meeting him two times during race weekends and having the chance to exchange some words with him, he is actually really kind-hearted and polite fella with a good sense of humor, surprisingly good one (and his dad-like laughter, which cracks me up every single time I hear it)

- Don't know why, but I think that Lewis actually needs someone, who is like the typical mum friend - he might be 36-year-old, but there is so much on his plate, that I think he would appreciate someone, who wouldn't be completely lost in life and could naturally take care of someone

- Not to begin the suggar daddy discussion here (seriously didn't think I would bring this up, whatever, here we go I guess), but I think that you could peacefully study for however long you would want to because he definitely has enough money to solve the financial issue preventing you from studying forever

Also, let's be honest, your dad would probably like such a rich guy, who could financially back you up until you would have a stable income yourself, as well.

- I also believe that he would be able to take you to many different places all around the world, which you could explore together (not only his house in LA and Monaco) since he definitely is not someone, who would hate travelling and exploring new countries, cultures, etc.

[ur-jinji]

wallflowers: part three

zuko x f!reader modern au

summary: things get heated and tense when zuko gets jealous at a party with you

warning: alcohol consumption, angst :(

a/n: @teelagurl558 and i had a good discussion about zuko & alcohol and i really wanted to make a part three lmao

You gazed out the car window, watching the passing houses and streetlights. You turned towards the driver, Zuko, and he moved his head to look at you for a quick moment, smiling softly. He took one hand off of the wheel and placed it on your thigh, giving it a squeeze before resting it there. Your heart melted completely. This guy made you into putty every time he touched you.

You spent the last month with him and your friends so happily. But sadly, the long break was coming to an end. A new semester was starting in a few days, so this was your last night together; you were leaving tomorrow afternoon to head back to your town. You had been staying at both Suki’s apartment and Zuko’s. Your relationship with him had blossomed so naturally. He asked you to be his girlfriend about a week before. You two weren’t rushing things, and took the time to really get to know each other, go out, spend time together, and even sleeping over at his house. You were willing to do long distance, but you weren’t sure if Zuko was, so you had been afraid that this would simply be a fling. But when he asked you to be his girlfriend, he told you he was more than happy to have a long distance relationship. He told you how special you were to him and even started planning the next time he would want to see you after you left. You really, really liked him.

“I wish you could stay one more day,” Zuko spoke, breaking the comfortable silence.

“I know, me too. I just have so much packing and preparing to do for the new semester,” You replied sadly.

The two of you were headed to Suki apartment. She and Katara had planned a surprise going away party for you. One last hoorah. You were under the impression that it was a simple get together that would include ordering pizza and hanging out. Little did you know, they invited about ten other people you befriended through them during your stay, Toph brought a big ol’ speaker, and Sokka bought a bunch of alcohol (everyone who planned on drinking helped pitch in money for it, of course). And obviously there would still be pizza, among other snacks.

Zuko pulled up outside of Suki’s apartment building. The two of you made your way inside and a couple flights of stairs until you made it to her door. He put his hand on the handle and slowly opened it. Your eyes widened when you saw it was completely dark inside, not a soul in sight.

“What the hell?” You said, very confused. Zuko shrugged in response before grabbing your hand and walking inside. As you did so, the lights flickered on, and a bunch of familiar faces jumped out of nowhere.

“Surprise!” They all yelled somewhat in unison.

You felt your soul leave your body as you flinched.

“Holy shit, is it someone’s birthday?” You asked in response, gaining some laughs.

“No, dummy! It’s our ‘y/n-going-away-and-we-are-sad’ party!” Suki said, appearing from the crowd of people.

“I’m celebrating!” You heard Sokka say from across the room.

“I love you, oh my god! You guys didn’t have to do this,” You said before hugging her and planting a kiss on her cheek. You turned to Zuko. “Did you know about this?!”

Zuko nodded and smirked. You pulled away from Suki and hugged him tight. “Might as well have some fun before you go,” He said, a hint of sadness in his tone.

“Well, thank you, everyone!” You yelled as you pulled away from your boyfriend, but not before giving him a peck on the lips. You made your way around the room, hugging and thanking everyone who was there. Toph surprised you the most by hugging you the tightest and the longest. You swore you could hear her sniffle a little. You eventually made your way back to Zuko, who was holding a wine cooler out for you.

“Thank you, hun,” You replied before cracking it open and taking a swig.

You spent the night eating snacks, talking with your friends, listening to music, playing card games, etc. It was the most fun you’ve had in a while. Zuko was attached at your hip all night, which you were fine with, but it made you a little concerned. Something seemed off with him. He slammed a few drinks with Sokka and went through more pretty quickly after. When you suggested he slowed down, he mumbled an excuse like, ‘I thought this was a party’ and shrug it off. You eventually found yourself on the couch, feeling the alcohol hitting you, but you felt fine. Just a little dizzy. Zuko had drunkenly walked away for a moment to get you some water. Sokka plopped down next you, placing a hand over his eyes.

“I should’ve stopped a few drinks ago,” He grumbled.

“Are we gonna have a repeat of the last party?” You asked jokingly.

“God, I hope not,” Sokka replied under this breath. He slouched over, his head accidentally falling onto your shoulder. You heard some snores. You decided to let him stay there since he clearly was feeling sick. You looked up and saw Zuko enter the room, tripping slightly. His eyes landed on you and then glanced over at Sokka’s head on your shoulder. He gripped the water in his hand tightly.

“Hey, baby, mind giving the water to Sokka? He doesn’t feel too good,” You asked, sitting up forward. Sokka’s limp, sleeping body fell behind you. Zuko suddenly tossed the water bottle at Sokka and walked away. What the fuck?

You got up, letting the drunk boy fall roughly onto the couch, causing him to wake up.

“What happened?” Sokka asked, slurring his words.

“I don’t know. He came in and threw that water at you and left,” You explained. Sokka sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Maybe he got jealous. He gets weird sometimes when he drink. I can go talk to him,” He said, surprising you at how level headed he was suddenly being. He got off the couch and walked down the hallway, and you followed closely. You found Zuko standing at the bathroom vanity, gripping the sink hard and holding himself up. His head hung low.

“Zuko, buddy, what’s wrong?” Sokka asked the weirdly angered boy.

“I don’t know. Maybe don’t make moves on my girlfriend?” Zuko replied nastily as his head shot up, glaring at the two of you through the mirror. He turned around, falling slightly but catching himself.

“Dude, what?” Sokka questioned, confusion in his tone. He walked towards his friend. “I’d never do that to you, bro. Plus I have a girlfriend? Who I love more than anything?”

“Zuko, what are you talking about?” You pitched in from the bathroom doorway.

“Go put your head on Suki then, buddy. Don’t touch my fucking girlfriend,” Zuko snapped, suddenly charging the other boy and pressing his puffed out chest against his aggressively.

“Hey! What has gotten into you?!” You yelled, running over to break them up.

“Yeah. What has gotten into you, dude? Don’t pull this shit right now,” Sokka replied with a bit of an attitude, but trying to keep his cool to not make the situation worse. “You’re drunk. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I know what I saw!” Zuko sneered, pushing Sokka away roughly. His eyes were filled with rage. You backed away in shock, not liking this side of him. Why was he being like this?

“Really, Zuko? My last fucking night here and you want to start a fight over nothing? Sokka is fucking drunk and wasn’t feeling good, and fell on me,” You explained angrily.

“Yeah, man, what the hell,” Sokka added, sounding disappointed. “I’m not fighting you, dude. This is ridiculous.”

Zuko suddenly pushed Sokka again, causing you to break.

“Zuko! Enough!” You screamed before grabbing Sokka by the collar of his shirt and dragging him out of the bathroom. You pushed him away once you exited the bathroom and stormed to Suki’s room, slamming and locking the door behind you. You sat on the edge of the bed, anxiously running your hands through your hair before fishing your phone from your pocket. You bounced your leg nervously, trying to busy yourself and calm down. You couldn’t believe this was happening.

A few minutes later, a knock at the bedroom door startled you.

“Y/N? It’s Suki and Katara! Can you let us in?” A voice from the other side of the door asked worriedly.

You got up and unlocked the door for them. Two worried looking girls strolled in, closing the door behind them.

“What happened?” Katara asked.

“Sokka’s drunk as fuck, his head fell on my shoulder, Zuko walked in, stormed out, and then we confronted him about it what was wrong, and then he tried to fight Sokka!” You explained irritatedly.

“What? Why would he get so mad about that? Sokka always falls on people when he’s drunk?” Suki questioned. “He falls asleep!”

“I’m just so pissed. You should’ve seen him. He was being so irrational. I didn’t even recognize him,” You muttered, replaying the scene in your head. The girls sat down beside you at the edge of the bed, rubbing circles on your back.

“I’m sorry, honey. For what it’s worth, Zuko sounds like he feels awful,” Katara offered with a light smile.

“I don’t care. I hated seeing him like that,” You mumbled. “I just need to be away from him right now.”

“Sokka told me he’s been feeling down knowing you leaving. Maybe that has something to do with tipping him over,” Suki suggested. You shrugged and buried your face in your hands. The image of the anger in his eyes was stuck in your head.

“Can you guys leave me alone for a bit?” You asked. “I need to cool off and think.”

The girls nodded sadly before getting up and exiting the room. You fell backwards on the bed, staring at the ceiling miserably. A couple minutes later, a few knocks sounded and the door knob started to jiggle. They must’ve locked it on their way out.

“What?” You yelled at whoever was at the door.

“Y/N?�� It was Zuko. His voice sounded scared and worried. “Please let me in.”

On the other side of the door, Zuko was leaning against the wood, his hands pressed against it. He felt horrible. He didn’t know what had gotten into him. After you left the bathroom, Sokka got Katara and Suki and reasoned with him, calming him down. After the intervention, he realized what he had done. He felt terrible knowing he had hurt you. He couldn’t imagine how scared and upset you were to see him like that. He hadn’t acted like that in a very long time.

“Y/N, baby, please,” Zuko begged. “Please open the door for me. I’m so sorry.”

Silence.

The quiet from the other side was deafening. A pit formed in Zuko’s stomach. Was he going to lose you?

-

a/n: don’t hate me pwease🥺 part four is coming soon! ah!! thanks for reading!!!

-

taglist: @teelagurl558 @complainsalot @coldlilheart

[leossmoonn]

chemistry part thirteen

part twelve | part fourteen | masterlist

zuko x fem!reader

avatar: the last airbender

includes - you, zuko, suki, katara, toph, sokka, and aang

special appearances by - iroh, azula, and appa

warnings - mild language , makeout scene

you put your phone in your purse, getting up to go to the bathroom. you washed your hands and looked at your makeup and outfit for the 100th time.

your makeup was pretty minimal. well, it looked minimal. you did a very natural look with winged eyeliner and a red lip. since it was cold and zuko had told you to dress warm, you had wrapped up in warm, but cute clothes.

you had put on solid black jeans, a black belt, a red turtleneck sweater, a red scarf, and a coat. you had paired the outfit with black, one-inch heeled boots and curled hair. you were wearing a gold necklace that katara had given you a long time ago, and the charm bracelet that zuko had given you yesterday.

you hoped he liked your outfit. you’d never been on a real date before that didn’t consist of friends being with you. you were nervous, to say the least.

a knock sounded at the door, making your heart race and palms sweat.

“time to shine,” you muttered to yourself as you walked to the door.

you swung the door open, smiling once you met zuko’s smiling face. you took a look over his own outfit.

he was wearing jeans, a dark-blue sweater, a black coat, and black boots. you noticed silver rings on every other finger on his hands, and a silver chain around his neck. they made him ten times more attractive. his hair was fluffy and looked soft, going down past his eyes, covering up most of his scar.

“you look beautiful,” were the first words he spoke to you.

a light blush arised on the tip of your ears and cheekbones. you put your head down, smiling shyly. “thank you. you look really handsome.”

zuko smiled brightly at you, thinking how cute you were when you got shy. “thank you. are you ready to go?” he asked, holding out his hand for you to take.

you looked up at him, a big smile sitting in your red lip. “yep,” you said and took his hand.

goosebumps ran up your arm at the skin contact. you felt all warm and tingly. a feeling you only felt when you were with him.

you closed the door, locking it and heading out to his car. you got in the passenger’s seat, sighing happily as you and zuko made eye contact once again. you couldn’t help but get lost in his ember eyes, they were so pretty.

“so, where are you going?” you asked.

“um, somewhere not warm,” zuko answered, starting the car.

“hm, gonna keep it a secret from me? this isn’t a good way to start a relationship,” you joked.

zuko chuckled, “i think you’ll like it.”

“me, too,” you smiled.

as he drove, you two talked about the rest of your plans for christmas break. you were planning on heading back up to see your parents for the rest of the break, and he was planning on having a new year’s party with his family. he had invited you, to which you had happily accepted.

“you sure it won’t interfere with your family plans?” zuko asked.

“nope. i usually come back here a day before new year’s eve because the girls and i also plan a party,” you reassured him.

“ah, i see. well, good. are you girls still planning a party?” zuko asked.

“hm, probably not. and if they do, they’ll just have to have to without me because i’ll be at a much cooler party,” you chuckled.

“yes, you will,” zuko smiled.

you hummed, your hand making its way to his subconsciously. his hand was on the gear shift, per usual. you set your hand on his, liking the warmth that he provided.

zuko smiled at your gesture, happy that you two have grown close and were comfortable enough with each other to do those types of things. he loved feeling your skin on his. whether it was with hand-holding, cuddling, or kissing - which you two hadn’t done yet, but he had thought about it many times.

he drove for another 10 minutes, finally arriving at the date place.

“you brought me to a dark parking lot?” you chuckled.

zuko sighed, “yeah, i know i look sketchy right now, but i promise you’re safe.”

you smiled, “i know, don’t worry. i feel most safe with you, anyways.”

those words made zuko’s heart flutter. every guy liked hearing that they made a girl feel safe, especially when it was a girl who the guy had been crushing on hard for almost 3 months, which was you for him.

“i’m glad,” zuko said and got out of the car. you followed in his suit, seeing him go to the trunk of his car. he pulled out a small picnic basket.

“a picnic in december?” you asked.

zuko shrugged sheepishly, “aang said this was a cute idea. plus, we aren’t staying here.”

“alright. well, lead the way,” you smiled.

he nodded and slid his hand into yours, intertwining your fingers. you walked close to him, puting your head on his shoulder. you were grateful he radiated heat, otherwise you would be freezing.

you two stopped in front of a bunch of trees. zuko turned to you.

“close your eyes for me, okay?” he asked.

you nodded shutting your eyes tight. zuko put his arms around you, your body stiffening from his touch, but almost immediately relaxing. zuko walked you forward slowly. you were nervous, but extremely excited. you couldn’t wait for what zuko had planned.

“alright, open your eyes,” zuko said softly.

you opened your eyes slowly, the cold air hitting them immediately. your jaw fell as you saw a beautiful scene in front of you.

zuko had taken you to a light show. it was in a part of the city where they would put up all types of christmas lights in the shape of a tree, abominable snowman, snow, stars, snowmen, children ice skating, etc. you remembered your parents would take you here when you were a little girl and drive around so you could see the lights. it was one of the most fondest memories you had of your childhood, and now, you were spending it with the greatest guy on earth.

“do you like it?” zuko asked.

you looked at him, smiling. “i love it. how did you know about this place?”

“aang told me you loved this place as a kid, and that you hadn’t been to it in a while. i thought it would be nice to take you here for our first date,” zuko said.

“i love it, thank you. this is such a cute date idea. you are perfect,” you said.

“thank you. let’s sit at the gazebo,” zuko said, pointing to the building across from you. you nodded excitedly, taking his hand in yours and running to it.

once you got to the gazebo, zuko set out the picnic blanket that he folded into the basket. he got the food he prepared, too. he had made noodles, egg tarts, jasmine tea, moon cakes, and roasted turtleduck.

“hm, smells so good. you made all this?” you asked, sitting down.

“yep,” zuko smiled proudly.

“wow, he’s romantic and cooks. what more can a girl want?” you teased

“i know,” zuko chuckled. “my mom and grandpa taught me how to cook.”

“that’s really cool. i can’t cook for shit. i swear, i always end up burning everything,” you laughed, cutting yourself a peice of the duck.

“i can teach you,” zuko suggested.

your mind immediately went to a cute, very romantic date where he would teach you two how to cook, then after when you got to desert, you two would go back into your bedroom.

“that sounds very fun,” you smiled.

“i think so, too,” zuko smiled, taking a sip of tea.

you two talked while eating. after you finished, zuko and you had decded to lay down and admire the lights.

you had cuddled into zuko’s side, his arm around you, holding you close. your head was on his chest, tucked under his chin. your legs were intertwined with his, too. you sighed contently, you couldn’t remember a time where you had felt this happy.

zuko looked down at you with a love-filled look. he pulled you to him impossibly closer. he couldn’t believe you were with him in this moment. after mai, he wasn’t sure he would really like or trust anyone else. but you made it easy. you were kind, funny, so sweet and smart. you didn’t try to act tough like mai, and you definitely were not afraid of showing your feelings. you also had good intentions. you were the perfect girl for him.

“thank you for taking me out tonight. i’ve had lots of fun,” you said, sitting up and looking into his eyes.

“me, too. i’ve been wanting to ask you out for a while,” zuko said.

“well, i’m glad it happened when it did,” you smiled.

“me, too,” zuko said.

you looked at his face, not being able to stop yourself from staring down at his lips. he noticed this and put his hand up to your cheek, running his thumb slowly along your skin. his rings felt cold, but good against your face. his eyes traveled down to your lips as well, going back up to your eyes for permission. you looked back up to his eyes, leaning forward.

you weren’t sure what was happening. well, you did, but your heart was racing a mile a minute. the way his thumb was rubbing against your skin had your stomach knot up. the fact that there was barely any space between you and him made your mind a little foggy, and made you figet with your thighs.

“i’ve never kissed anyone before,” you said breathlessly.

“just go with your instinct,” zuko said, his other hand finding your waist, squeezing reassuringly.

you nodded, leaning in more. before you knew it, you two were kissing. you two took it slow, savoring the feeling. his lips were soft and very good at kissing. the way they moved with your’s, the fact that his lips fit perfectly with your’s, put butterflies in your stomach. you couldn’t think of another perfect moment.

for someone who hadn’t kissed anyone before, zuko thought you were amazing. your lips moved with his expertly, making him imagine fireworks shooting off in his brain. his hand on your waist pulled you impossibly closer, wanting to feel you right against him. you took the hint and swung your leg around his waist, climbing on top of him without breaking the kiss. your hands wrapped themsleves in his hair, pulling slightly.

zuko ran his tongue on your bottom lip. you opened your mouth almost immediately, taking in a shallow breath of air. your tongues clashed, you quietly moaning in response. zuko’s grip on your waist got tighter as you two fought for dominance while kissing.

it wasn’t too long before you had to pull away for hair. once you two did, big smiles rested on your faces. zuko admired the way you looked in the dim light. you hair was slightly messy from laying down and running your fingers through it. your cheeks were flushed and lips wet and a little swollen from kissing him. your lipstick was also smudged slightly.

“that was um... amazing,” you panted.

zuko took a deep breath, his going up to your hands. he intertwined each of your fingers together.

“wanna do it again?” he asked.

you giggled and leaned down, “definitely.”

————

note - hope you guys read and enjoy this as new parts are added! if you wanna be on the taglist, message me and/or reply to this post :))

taglist - @sorrythatspussynal @theblueslytherin @charlenasaxen @akiris @the-paintedlady @thatarthistorynerd @freckled-and-daydreaming @fi-chanwrites

[caitlinsnicket]

Deckard Shaw NSFW alphabet

A/N: I did it! Here’s one of my oldest requests, and I’ll keep writing them all until everything has been written. When it’s done and I know I’ll have some time, I’ll open the requests again. I don’t know when the next will be posted, but I’ll try to do it as soon as possible. I hope you guys enjoy it! Feel free to like, reblog or comment.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Most of the time, when you need aftercare, he cleans you up gently, and if you have any sore parts, he takes your favorite oil and rubs it on your legs, back, torso and arms, everywhere basically. If you usually get hungry after the action, he’ll make sure to always have your favorite foods and drinks at his apartment. Very often, he likes to take a bath, and you are more than welcome to join him if you want. Then, you cling into his chest, and he pulls you close by your waist, keeping you warm.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

If you ask him directly which part he enjoys more, he’ll say he loves you entirely, with no preferences or “favorites”. But, in secret, he is weak for your neck and chest. That region entirely, when is valued by a dress or a cute bra, results in you having him wrapped around your little finger. If he could, he would spend the rest of his days kissing your chest, your neck, and your collarbones.

His favorite part in himself would be his back. He likes when you dig your nails in it, and all the marks that are left there: a reminder to him and to everybody else that he belongs to someone, and that this someone loves him dearly. Plus, he knows he has muscles and what the effect they have on you.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He prefers to control the mess with the help of a condom, or (only if you are on the pill, you two don’t want any accidents) inside of you. Deckard is a very clean man, and he doesn’t enjoy huge messes, but once in awhile, when he’s been away for a long period of time, he’ll allow himself to cum in your face, in your tighs or in your chest.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Deckard has told you that he’s a switch, and you believed him, but the truth is: he is a power bottom. A huge, huge power bottom. He’ll tease you, make you beg for him to touch you, but when he gives in, you are in complete control. He becomes jelly in your hands, and just one word of you, he’ll do it. Of course, he would never tell you that, but he doesn’t need to: you can feel it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Believe me, when I say it, Deckard Shaw knows what he’s doing. He’s had several partners before you (even though most of them only stayed one night), and he earned a lot of habilities. Yet, he listens to you, to what you like, to your moans, and he makes sure you are always satisfied.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He doesn’t actually have a favorite position, as long as he can see your face or kiss your body, he’s pretty happy about it. Anything you’re comfortable with, really, he’s into it too.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

He’s usually very serious, but always gentle. Even if he doesn’t crack many jokes or keeps things more serious (he treats sex with a lot of respect, not humor), he still tickles you sometimes, just to hear your beautiful laugh. He loves your laugh, he thinks is one of the sexiest things about you.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He makes sure to be well-groomed, it being his pubic hair or his beard. The only place he usually doesn’t groom is in his chest, he feels more handsome with it haired. Plus, if you ever had a complaint about it, he would groom it with no second thought.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…) 

Deckard normally is very intimate: he enjoys eye contact, gentle caresses, and kisses, but he isn’t a very romantic man. He has no idea how to be romantic in these moments, so he doesn’t really try. Though once in a while, he puts some roses on the bed, maybe some soft music, but these things only happen when he’s trying very hard to impress you.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He usually doesn’t jack off very often: he likes to keep himself clean, and he thinks masturbating will only make a huge mess, and then he has o clean everything up after... He just doesn’t have the patience to do it. Though sometimes when you tease him too much, you make him jack off, and that’s the only moment where he enjoys masturbating.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Choking. He loves to do it on you, to see how much you trust him, how much you are willing to give to him. And he also loves when you do it on him because he feels vulnerable, and he finds it very amusing to be able to put his life at your will.

Lingerie. Put on a lace bra, panties, and some high stockings, he will become a puddle in your hands. Just watching you walk around with these clothes would be enough to make him come undone.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

He likes the bedroom, he likes the bathtub, he likes the kitchen, he likes the living room, he likes the car, he likes the hidden room in the police department, he likes it *everywhere*. You’re up to it? Sure, let’s go. You just have to say the word, he’ll be up to it.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

It’s little things that you do without noticing: lip biting, swaying your hips, your skirt hiking up your legs on accident, touching your collarbones... Or small touches that you give him, in his shoulders, his leg, his neck. It’s very easy to turn him on actually.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything related to food. He hates food play, and the thought of getting dirty in such an intimate moment makes him feel uncomfortable. Also, anything that could seriously harm you (blood play, knife play, other things that could draw blood), he’ll be against it. The breath play took months to happen, but these other things are one hundred percent no.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He loves giving if he could spend the whole day between your legs, he would, but there’s no discussion in the matter: he’ll pick receiving a blowjob any day over giving. And not because he doesn’t like to eat you out, but because he is a sucker (ha!) for blowjobs. If he could pick a way to die, would be with your lips wrapped around his cock.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on a lot of factors: his mood, your mood, how much teasing happened, how turned on both of you are and where you two are. Also, it depends on what you want at the moment, because Deckard can go at any peace and mood, you two just have to talk about it first. But personally, he likes slow and rough.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Oh, he *loves* quickies. Not as much as the proper sex, but he understands that you two won't always have all the time in the world, so he makes up for it. It happens often when you are in a mission together, or when he has to leave to save the world. Or, even more rarely, when you two have a meeting and he feels neddy before it.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He loves to take risks, and he’s willing to try anything you bring up. Plus, he likes to search for things online to show you and suggest to do it. Plus, he likes the adrenaline he gains doing something different, bold and dangerous.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can go for three rounds, four if he’s really horny. He can last for a really long time, as in an hour or more.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He usually doesn’t have any toys, nor has used anything before you, but when you come into his life (and bring your toys with you), he soon learns how to use it on you and (though he wouldn’t admit it) on himself.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He *loves* teasing, he likes to see how desperate you are for him to touch you, and how much you need him. He likes to feel needed, and teasing you to the point of screaming with frustration makes him feel very,*very* needed. Plus, watching your beautiful face tremble and blush with anticipation is a turn on.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He isn’t a very loud person, so he’ll usually just grunt and whine a little but nothing too loud. The only time he actually moaned or made a bigger sound was when you stimulated his prostate. That was quite an event.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Deckard enjoys being pegged a lot more than he would like to admit. The first time you guys tried it, he came so hard he almost screamed, and since then you two do it quite often, but only when you two have time.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

He’s not very long, but definitely above the average, and he’s thicker than you expected.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

It is definitely high but controlled. He knows when it’s time to spend time together and when to spend time together.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) 

He can’t really fall asleep too quickly: he’s always alert because of his job, but when he hears your breath getting slower and when he makes sure you two are safe, he falls asleep like a rock, even snoring sometimes.

[karajaynetoday]

everybody's got their demons, even wide awake or dreaming | part one

Photo credit: Jess Gleeson 

Hello friends! Hope you’re having a lovely day wherever you are in the world. Thank you to everyone who voted in my little Google form thing on what they’d like to see me write next. Here’s Part One of my 5SOS x music journalist story. It’s a little angsty, and as the first chapter this is a lot of introduction to the OC and her story, but I hope you like it! It’s the first time I’ve written an OC into a fic, so I’d love to know your thoughts and if you’re interested in reading more about Lizzie and her adventures interviewing 5SOS.

Shout outs to @wheniminouterspace and @calumrose​ for helping me sense-check this concept, and @spicycal for giving me feedback on it in its draft stages. You’re all gems! 

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: Fem!OC, minor swearing

More writing here | send thoughts/feedback/suggestions here | if you’d like to be on my taglist go here

Lizzie Lawson was having a bit of a day. Her train had been late, she dropped her coffee moments after receiving it from the cute barista downstairs (and broke her favourite keep cup in the process), and her work computer had decided to run updates the moment she sat down at her desk. Maybe she shouldn’t have bothered to get out of bed this morning.

Her colleagues were tapping away at their keyboards, answering phone calls, and discussing upcoming story ideas with each other - the usual tasks, especially for a Monday morning. Lizzie, computerless and caffeine deprived, had to settle for a cup of instant coffee from the kitchenette, and had taken to tidying up her desk while her computer was restarting over and over again but still somehow not ready for use. She was on the floor, sorting through the snacks in her bottom desk drawer (crackers that were two months’ past their expiry date, some gummy worms, and what seemed like hundreds of cans of tuna) when James, the music editor, stuck his head out of his office and called for her.

“Lawson! Where are you?” James sounded confused. He could’ve sworn he’d seen Lizzie at her desk moments ago, and then suddenly she popped her head up like a meerkat.

“Jimbo! Here. What’s crack-a-lackin?” Lizzie responded, standing up and brushing herself off as she headed towards where James was standing in his office doorway.

“Got a pitch for ya. Step into my office, if you’re finished with your spring clean.” James chuckled as he stepped back inside and sat down on the couch opposite his desk. 

A number of journalism awards were displayed on the shelf above the couch, and the floor to ceiling window overlooked Sydney’s CBD and its tall, grey buildings, with a glimpse of the harbour ocean in the distance. Lizzie had to admit she’d imagined herself in James’ desk chair more than a few times; the music editor of one of Australia’s leading youth and pop culture publishing companies, regularly travelling the world to interview award-winning artists, and assigning and guiding well-crafted investigative pieces on the entertainment industry and those within in. 

But, in reality, Lizzie had only recently worked her way up to being in the music department, after a couple of years on the news desk and a series of casual internships at different publications around the place. But music journalism, and the passion she had for live performances and watching artists grow and develop their sounds and aesthetics over their careers, was where Lizzie had always wanted her career to go. She was grateful to James for having her on the team, but she also knew that he didn’t recruit just anyone - so her writing must’ve been strong enough to get her here. James was a good boss, salt of the earth, always had his team’s back, but he was also a little mysterious, and this morning’s meeting was one of those where his face was giving absolutely nothing away as Lizzie joined him on the couch in the office. 

“So, what’s up?” Lizzie said, trying to hide the nervousness in her voice.

“Well, Lawson. You’ve only been on deck for a few months, but turns out my gut instinct about you has paid off. That profile you did on the 1975 last month has gotten some good feedback and traction out and about.” James spoke in a measured tone, pulling his laptop off the coffee table and opening it.

“Oh! Well, that’s… good, right?” Lizzie still couldn’t figure out exactly why she was in James’ office. Or why she was so nervous. 

“Correct, it is good. It’s been great to see you come into your own a little bit, and develop your interview style. I also really appreciated you stepping in to cover the Matt Corby interview for Hannah the other day, when she had that stomach bug.” James continued, seemingly searching for an email or something on his laptop as he spoke. 

“No worries! Hannah’s notes were really thorough, plus I definitely had a Matt Corby phase when he was on Australian Idol back in 2006! Oof, that fringe, you know?” Lizzie cringed internally when she heard herself starting to babble. 

James snorted, before clearing his throat. “I’m sure Matt was glad the 2006 hairstyle didn’t take up too many words in the final profile piece. He was pretty happy with it though, and his management were too, according to the label. So happy, in fact, that they’re requested you to profile another one of their artists.”

James had Lizzie’s full attention now, and she still couldn’t read his expression. “Really? Me? Who’s the artist?” She asked, trying not to get too excited too soon.

“Yes, indeed, you. 5 Seconds of Summer, or 5SOS. They’ve got a new album due out in a month or so, and their publicist is keen to fly you out to LA for a few weeks to follow them around while they wrap things up in the studio, and do a profile piece on their journey to date. Are you familiar with their stuff? They’re offering us an exclusive, something about the album being linked to their homeland or something, so they wanted to go with an Australian media outlet first.” James set his laptop back down on the coffee table and angled it so Lizzie could see an email on the screen that had a few lines of text and a photo of a band onstage.

5SOS. Was Lizzie familiar? Oh yes, she was familiar. Lizzie Lawson hailed from the western suburbs, and 5SOS was the area’s biggest success story. Aussie boys made good, with millions of albums sold, billions of song streams, thousands of concerts played all around the world, that was their career to date. But for Lizzie, 5SOS were always a bit closer to home. She’d attended the same high school as three of the band members, and Michael Clifford was someone she called her best friend, once upon a time. Ashton had also befriended Lizzie’s older brother Lachlan when they’d worked together at KFC. That was years ago now, and they’d all fallen out of touch, because sometimes that’s just the way the universe works. You grow up and you move on and you don’t keep the same friends, because sometimes they move to the other side of the world and get super famous as successful musicians. Or something like that. Even if they know your deepest secrets, or biggest fears, or hopes and dreams, or you trust them more than anything, sometimes they still leave you. 

Lizzie’s previous state of intrigue quickly became panic, because what if she wasn’t actually being chosen based on the merit of her work? What if the 5SOS team knew about her connection to the band, and were going to use it to manipulate her writing in some way? What if it was all a ploy to get her and Michael in the same room so he could finally call her out on what had gone down between them all those years ago? What if - 

“Lawson! You on planet earth still, or wait?” James snapped his fingers in front of Lizzie’s face to get her attention. She shook her head to clear it, and wrung her hands together in her lap.

“Yep, I’m familiar with their work. A little fuzzy on the most recent work, but I have a bit of knowledge on a lot of their early stuff. And Youngblood, of course. Everyone knows Youngblood. ARIA song of the year, a billion streams, etc etc.” Lizzie spoke, meeting James’ gaze as he cocked his head at her curiously. He knew Lizzie had a tendency to get a little nervous when she was put on the spot, but there was something about her right now that was a little more unsettled than usual that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

“Good. Well, if you’re down, the label will cover three weeks accommodation in Los Angeles. Labels don’t usually do that kind of thing, but their manager is super keen for you to get enough quality time with the band to build up a solid profile piece. We’ll cover your daily expenses, I’ll send you instructions for the claiming app, and then we just need your passport to get the flights booked. Sound okay?” 

“Y-yep. Yes. Okay. Right. When would I be leaving?” Lizzie pinched her thigh through her jeans to double check that she wasn’t dreaming, and that yes, this was actually happening. 

“Friday midday. We’ll put some feelers out in LA, and see if there’s any other interviews you can do while you’re there, but your focus will be on 5SOS because they’re picking up the bill for your stay. But that being said, don’t let that sway what you write. They’ve requested you because they like your deep, detailed, open style of profiling, so don’t be afraid to ask some curly questions to get the answers that will craft the right piece, you know?” James spoke firmly, looking pointedly at Lizzie who quickly nodded in response.

“Right, well, I’ll cc you into this email chain with their publicist and manager, and we’ll go from there. You can hand over your other pieces to Hannah, you’ll need to spend the next few days prepping for LA and doing whatever research you need to feel ready. You’ve got this, Lizzie. I know you can do a great job.” James was trying to be encouraging, as he stood up and opened the door to his office, but Lizzie’s heart was pounding with nerves and she barely hear his words. 

She walked back to her desk in a daze, and Hannah had to literally poke Lizzie in her side to get her attention and ask what James had said in the meeting. A few excited squeals and a bear hug later, Hannah was off and running talking about lists of things Lizzie needed to organise before her international adventure was due to begin in a few days’ time. Lizzie, on the other hand, still couldn’t believe it. What the fuck was happening?

--

The next few days flew by in a haze of emails, life admin, last minute shopping trips and a lot of deep breathing on Lizzie’s part, and before she knew it, she was wrangling her suitcase out of an Uber and into the international terminal at Sydney Airport. Lizzie, as a generally anxious person, had arrived the full three hours early for her flight, but her parents had treated her to a flight lounge guest pass (because they wanted her to know they were proud), so she was able to deal with her nerves by eating far too many complimentary croissants and hash browns. 

Soon enough, the time to board the plane arrived, and Lizzie was grateful that she ended up in an empty row of seats, by some miracle. Praise be to the airline gods, or whichever higher power had decided she’d be able to at least try and get some sleep in the next fourteen hours. She’d set her phone and watch forward to Los Angeles time, so she could try and adjust her body clock accordingly, which meant that she’d have to stay up for a few hours at least.

Lizzie tried to be productive, and tapped away at her research notes on her laptop for a little while, before she found herself opening up the band’s instagram page in her browser. The four men staring back at Lizzie through the screen seemed a million miles away from the gangly, excitable teenagers she’d known all those years ago. There was an interesting intensity about them in the photograph, steely gazes and defined bodies under carefully selected clothing, but there was also a peacefulness in their poses beside one another. Like being together, in this moment captured minutes before heading onstage, was the most natural thing in the world. Lizzie found her eyes drawn towards Michael; his dirty blonde hair swept across his forehead (not dissimilar to the style he’d had in their high school days, to be honest), and it was accompanied by some scruffy facial hair and a dangly cross earring in one ear. His grey-green eyes seemed to peer right into her soul, and Lizzie involuntarily shivered at the thought of seeing him again in person in a day or so. 

She was still anxious about whether or not this entire thing was a scam, but nonetheless, she was going to try her darndest to be a consummate professional, and write the best profile story of her life. In her research, Lizzie had reviewed some previous 5SOS interviews, and she’d cringed her way through their Rolling Stone interview from many years prior. She remembered reading it at the time it was published, unable to believe some of the words attributed to the boys she’d once called her friends, and the intense aftermath that followed. Understandably, they’d avoided in-depth profile interviews since, so Lizzie was incredibly curious as to why they’d changed their mind. Why now? Why her? She closed her laptop and drifted into sleep, curled up across three airplane seats and tucked under a thin blanket. 

Lizzie’s shoulders and neck were stiff when she awoke, an hour or so before her flight was due to land. She used the in-flight wifi to check her emails quickly, and noted a new one from 5SOS’s publicist Danielle, which welcomed Lizzie to Los Angeles and explained that she should catch a taxi to her accommodation at the address listed, and that she should give her a call once she was checked in. Right. That seemed straight forward enough.

LAX customs were intimidating as ever (god, Lizzie was so nervous), but Lizzie made it through without incident and was able to quickly make her way into a cab with a driver who seemed familiar with her accommodation address. They drove her to a boutique-looking hotel, and when Lizzie checked in and made her way up to her room, she was pleasantly surprised at how nice it was. A queen-sized bed, a good desk for working at, a nice view from her balcony of the Hollywood Hills, a small kitchenette with a fridge and microwave, and a glorious bathroom that had a very enticing bath tub in it (Lizzie’s shoulders and neck were already thankful for the idea of being able to soak in some nice hot water for a while). 

After checking the room for serial killers (better to be safe than sorry, right?) Lizzie had a quick shower and changed out of her travel trackies and oversized hoodie into a pair of jeans, a clean shirt and a blazer, before opening up her phone and scrolling down to Danielle’s contact. A few deep breaths were required before Lizzie built up the courage to press “call”.

“This is Danielle!” A cheery American accent answered on the other end of the line.

“H-hi Danielle, this is Lizzie, from Junkee Australia. You said in my email I should give you a call once I was all checked in, and I am, so…” Lizzie found herself giggling nervously and facepalmed.

“Lizzie, of course! How was your flight? Long and boring?”

“Yep, that about sums it up!” Danielle’s enthusiasm made Lizzie feel like she had to perk herself up a bit in conversation.

“Well, I’m sure you’re gagging for a nap, but we’ve got to get you adjusted to the timezone so we can make the most of your time here. I’m just finishing up something in the office, but I can swing by your hotel in about 45 minutes, and we can go over your story pitch and the band schedule for the next few weeks, and figure out your interview time slots and other things you can go along to observe, if that works for you?” Lizzie could hear Danielle’s keyboard clacking as she spoke.

“Sure, well, you have my number now, so just text me when you get here. I’ll try my best not to nap in the meantime.” Lizzie’s somewhat dry response got a laugh out of Danielle, who agreed and bid her farewell, ending the call.

Placing her phone down on the bedside table, Lizzie looked around the hotel room that was set to be her home away from home for the better part of the next month, and spotted a coffee machine on top of the mini fridge. If she was really going to keep her no-nap promise, caffeine was definitely in order. 

True to her word, Danielle arrived at the hotel within the hour, and soon Lizzie found herself sat beside Danielle on a fancy couch tucked in a corner of the hotel lobby. Danielle had opened up her laptop, and also pulled a plastic folder of documents out of her tote bag.

“Okay, so… I’m sure you’ve done your own research, but here’s a few hard copies of the band bio, album press release, and a few other tidbits from the label, along with a hard copy of the band schedule. It’s all confidential and coded, the electronic version I’ve emailed you will have the proper locations for everything, but I thought a print out might be handy anyway. The boys are recording some stuff at the studio Calum has at his house tomorrow, so I figured we could introduce you there and then after that figure out what else you’d like to get done. There’s an industry showcase for some of the new songs at the end of the week, and then they’re doing various promo and album prep things, finalising mixes, photoshoots, etc, so there’s a bit of variety for you. Any initial thoughts on how you want to do the interviews for your profile?” Danielle rattled off, gazing at Lizzie expectantly when she finished speaking.

Lizzie blinked at her a few times before collecting herself. “In my research, I found it really interesting to hear the band and some of the fans talking about how 5SOS has evolved into the collective effort of four individual artists, not just the band as one artistic music entity, so I was hoping, if possible, to interview them individually, as well as observing them as a group. Would.. Would that be okay, do you think?” 

Danielle pursed her lips, before breaking out into a smile. 

“I think that sounds exactly like something the band would be willing to do. Damn, Matt Emsell was right - you do know your stuff.” She chuckled, handing the folder of documents over to Lizzie and pulling out the schedule that was on top.

“So studio at Calum’s tomorrow from 10am, I’ll swing by and collect you so we can do introductions, I’ll stick around for a bit just to make sure you’re all good but otherwise I’m just going to let you do your thing. The band have been doing this for long enough now, they don’t need their publicist hovering.”

The curiosity was killing Lizzie. She couldn’t not ask. 

“Danielle, I’ve got to ask this, sorry. Do the band… know me? Know that I’m the one coming to interview them?” Lizzie managed to get out, avoiding eye contact.

“What do you mean?” Danielle cocked her head to one side, clearly confused at the question. “I sent them the Matt Corby piece you did, and they liked that, so that was one of the reasons we asked you out here. So they’re familiar with your work, if that’s what you’re asking?”

“No, um… oh god, I’ve made this super awkward now.” Lizzie laughed dryly, wringing her hands together. “I mean, I know them. Personally. Or at least I used to. I’m from Sydney, and I went to school with Luke, and Calum, and… Michael. So I was just wondering,  um, if they realised that it was me and that was part of why I was asked to come to LA for this…Not really sure why that would make them choose me, but I just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page before tomorrow.” Lizzie finally dared to look up at Danielle, whose expression was unreadable.

“Hmm, well, that is interesting. As far as I know, that wasn’t a factor at all. We all genuinely liked your writing style, so whether or not the boys made the connection, I have no idea. They’re not super keen on any irrelevant personal life stuff making it into this piece though, so if this is going to be a problem for you, we should deal with it now.” Her tone was slightly less warm than before, and Lizzie could sense the protective publicist side of Danielle kicking in.

“Definitely not a problem. I entirely intend to be fully professional, and like you said, my writing will speak for itself. Just wanted to put it all out there. Not a problem for me.” Lizzie spoke up, willing herself to sound more confident than she felt.

“Good. We have no problems here then. I’ve got to run, but text me with any questions, otherwise I’ll see you at 9.30am tomorrow for the drive to Calum’s!” Danielle’s tone was nice and bright again, as she shut her laptop and gathered her belongings, patting Lizzie’s shoulder in what she assumed was some sort of attempt at calming her nerves.

It didn’t work though. Not a problem for Lizzie? Bullshit. Not a problem for 5SOS, and Michael in particular? Seemed unlikely. 

--

Lizzie was worried she’d have a restless night’s sleep because of her overwhelming anxiety about the next day’s reunion, but the exhaustion from her travelling overtook her and she almost slept through her alarm. A quick shower and a shot of espresso later and Lizzie was downstairs waiting for Danielle to pick her up to head over to meet the band.

“Morning! How’d you sleep?” Danielle chirped as she rolled into the car park, her car window down. 

“Very deeply, thank you! The room is really comfortable. Thanks again for organising.” Lizzie mentally urged herself to keep up the small talk as a way of hiding her nerves.

The car ride over was mostly quiet, but when they pulled up outside of what Lizzie assumed was Calum’s house, she definitely felt like she was about to vomit.

“Just so you know, I flagged our conversation last night with the band. About your pitch around the individual interviews, and also about your little… connection to them. Ashton didn’t seem to think it was a problem, so it should all be fine.” Danielle mused, as she opened her car door and hopped out. All Lizzie could do was nod, because her throat was dry and she was starting to panic. She blindly followed Danielle through the front gate and around the side of the house to a building in the backyard, Lizzie strained to hear what sounded like raised, male voices floating towards them as they approached. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it didn’t entirely sound positive.

Danielle knocked loudly on the door and shot Lizzie a reassuring smile, before the shouting subsided and it swung open. Calum Hood stood in the doorway, and Lizzie sucked in a breath. It’d been eight years, maybe more since she’d last seen Calum, and even then, had they spoken? She couldn’t remember. 

Calum smiled at Danielle, and then his eyes flickered over to Lizzie, not quite carrying the same happiness, but not entirely losing it either.

“Morning, ladies. Welcome to casa di Calum, come on in.” He spoke with that scratchy, deep voice of his that Lizzie had reacquainted herself with when watching hours of interviews during her research. 

Danielle stepped passed Calum into the room, and she indicated for Lizzie to follow, which she did. Lizzie could feel Calum’s gaze on her as she brushed past him, but the minute she stepped inside, any sense of warmth or welcome she’d felt before vanished. 

Luke and Ashton were standing over by the sound recording panel, turning to look at Lizzie and Danielle as they entered. Lizzie thought she saw a hint of a smile on Luke’s face (they had survived Year 8 Maths together, after all… that had to count for something, right?), but Ashton was unreadable.

Entirely obvious, though, was the look of bitter disdain on Michael Clifford’s face when Lizzie finally spotted him hunched over on the couch along the wall. Those grey-green eyes were staring her down with a harsh glare. It had familiarity about it, Lizzie realised, but not in a good way. 

Danielle cleared her throat in the silence, and turned to Lizzie.

“Well, I believe introductions might not be required, but in the interest of professionalism and courtesy - “ Lizzie didn’t miss Danielle’s pointed glance towards Michael, who was still scowling silently towards everyone - “Lizzie Lawson from Junkee, I would like you to meet Calum Hood, Ashton Irwin, Luke Hemmings and Michael Clifford, also collectively known as 5 Seconds of Summer or 5SOS.” 

Lizzie waved, and then immediately cursed herself for being so goddamn awkward.  She received a nod of recognition from Ashton, and small smiles from Luke and Calum. From Michael, more scowling. This was going to be a long three weeks. 

“So, Lizzie, why don’t you go through the pitch for the profile that we discussed yesterday? The boys already have a bit of an idea, but I’m sure they’d love to hear it from you.” Danielle was being overly encouraging, but it worked, and Lizzie took a deep breath before speaking.

“Thanks, Danielle. And thank you to you guys, honestly. I know this is a little strange for all of us -”

“Fucking oath it is.” Lizzie heard Michael mutter under his breath, but she continued, undeterred. 

“But, I’m really excited to have the opportunity to interview you and pull together this story. Especially on behalf of the Australian music media. I know they haven’t always given you the recognition you deserve, but I think this piece is a chance to overcome that. Anyway, the specific pitch I’d love to go with is reflective of you as individual artists, as well as the collective band group. If it’s suitable, it’d be great to have the chance to speak to each of you one-on-one as well as a group, to give a holistic view of your journeys as people and as musicians and what you’re trying to achieve with this album. So… yeah…” Lizzie trailed off nervously, clenching her hands at her sides.

“I love it. We’re happy you’re here, Lizzie. I really loved the Matt Corby piece Danielle sent us, and like you said, it was really important for us to have the perspective of an Australian journalist for this story and where we’re at right now.” Ashton’s calm voice broke the silence, as he nodded at Lizzie in agreeance. Luke and Calum nodded too, and Lizzie tried not to look towards Michael because no doubt he was still glaring at her.

“Great! Everyone’s on the same page. I have to dash off to a meeting, but Lizzie has my number if she needs it, otherwise all of you please behave and don’t scare her off, nor say anything that means I’ll have to destroy her tape recorder. Sound good? Good!” Danielle rattled off quickly, moving out the door and shutting it behind her. 

The tension in the air was thick, and it was all seething from Michael’s direction towards Lizzie. She closed her eyes for a moment, before reaching into her bag and pulling out her phone, notebook and pen. She spotted a chair behind her, and turned back towards Luke and Ashton.

“Well, where do you want to start? A group sit down, some general thoughts on the journey so far and what the album experience has been like?” Lizzie offered, trying to make herself sound enthusiastic, but also in control and like she knew what she was doing.

Luke, Calum and Ashton all murmured in agreeance, and moved themselves over to sit by Michael on the couch, while Lizzie dragged the chair she’d spotted over to sit facing them.

“Right. All good if I audio record this?” She asked, hitting record on her voicenotes app after three heads nodded at her.

“So, the album. Where did it begin? Did anyone or anything influence or kick off the sonic direction or the start of the exploratory process?”

The conversation was flowing quite well, Lizzie though. Ashton dominated most of the responses to her questions, but Luke and Calum chipped in their perspectives throughout. Michael didn’t say a word, even when Calum poked him in the side, and instead of glaring at Lizzie he was now staring blankly at the wall over her shoulder. An improvement, sort of, but still not ideal from a journalist and interviewee perspective, let alone when the interviewee was someone who used to be Lizzie’s best friend. 

Before she knew it, an hour had past, and Ashton stood, remembering a meeting they had scheduled with the label and their management team, and bringing the interview to a close. 

As Lizzie was packing up her equipment, she cautiously brought up the topic of the one on one interviews. 

“So, does anyone in particular have free time in the next few days, so I can start on the individual profiling part of the story?” Lizzie asked, her tone hopeful.

Michael’s response was to push straight past her and walk out of the studio, muttering to himself and slamming the door as he went. The loud noise made Lizzie flinch, and she realised her heart was racing and her hands were a little shaky. 

“I’ve got time, LL Cool J. I’ll meet you at Joan’s on Third for lunch, say 1pm?”  Lizzie smiled at the pld nickname Calum slipped into his quiet response to her question. 

“Works for me, C Dizzle Swizzle. Thanks again for your time today, I really appreciate it. Not to sound like a broken record, but I’m really excited for this piece and the chance to tell your story.” Lizzie found herself grinning like an idiot as she met Calum’s warm gaze, and noted that Ashton and Luke were also smiling at her.

“We’re excited too, Lizzie. Even if… some of us might not quite be as enthusiastic as they should be. But, don’t worry. He’ll come round.” It was Luke that spoke this time, his striking blue eyes somehow staring straight into Lizzie’s soul as he looked at her. 

“Here’s hoping.” Lizzie tried not to sound too dull in her response, but it was a challenge. 

Because honestly, how the fuck was she going to do a profile on all four members of 5 Seconds of Summer, if one of them could barely stand being in the same room as her?

Time will tell, Lizzie thought to herself as she walked out of the door to Calum’s studio and into the warm California sunlight. Time will tell. 

Taglist: @suchalonelysunflower​ @blackbutterfliescal​ @redrattlers​ @loveroflrh​ @spicycal​ @notinthesameguey​ @metalandboybands​

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[sourbat]

i'm always always always curious about your magnus and toki dynamic because it seems so fleshed-out and lovingly considered. can you talk a bit about how you write their relationship? :D and what is the appeal of them specifically that made you ship it and start writing it?

Oh, wow. There is just now way I’ll be able to answer this to the extent i want, but I’ll give you a brief intro???

I’ll be working backwards with this one. 

what is the appeal of them specifically that made you ship it and start writing it?

Specifically? I really like that they’re more a reflection of one another, with Magnus being a massive “warning/”what if?”” for Toki, if he was denied the same opportunities for love and/or success, kicked out of the band, etc.. They share a lot of similarities, both good and bad, so there’s also a potential “invest now and guarantee a better tomorrow” that both men, to some extent, are aware of. The fact that Toki is also objectively far from perfect also helps. I know with some ships, it’s not always clear that both characters have problems, and I know there are ships where it’s mainly one person helping the other. I think for this ship, it’s not about redeeming one character here, it’s about two characters trying to get past various obstacles and becoming better for it. To continue that reflecting theme, everything that Toki does for Magnus can be returned later, ranging from Magnus eventually taking care of Toki post G2, and even bringing Toki back to life.  It’s the fact that they’re one in the same, it makes it so interesting and fun to write! 

I know, with the basic power dynamic within the canon universe, not to mention established characteristics clearly stated in the show, it means that a lot of the burden is going to be on Toki using his resources to help Magnus first. I kinda dig it. Give power of (emotional/mental) healing to Toki, and make the god of death a savior. Personally, there’s a lot of really nice, untapped worship material here that I definitely want to explore. Or, you can. I definitely wouldn't mind. 

i'm always always always curious about your magnus and toki dynamic because it seems so fleshed-out and lovingly considered. can you talk a bit about how you write their relationship?

Thank you!! Well, this is going to be long, but I’ll try to keep it...kinda shortish? (In order at the very least.) 

To begin, I know someone who does live with mental illness, and over the course of our six year friendship, have experienced a lot of ups and downs. But we’ve been friends for six years, and looking at it as a whole, it’s crazy to see how much they’ve improved compared to when they first emailed me a billion years ago. But things weren’t always as good as they are now, and these things took time to get to that point. A lot of the things Toki’s said to Magnus aren’t too far from some of the things I’ve suggested to them, and some of the really messed up things Magnus has thought or said regarding himself, his mood swings, shifting attitude towards Toki, that’s all based on real moments, feelings and arguments. 

I think we agreed there were stages to this relationship, and mine are pretty much based on a combination of what I experienced, plus what I realistically think these two would go through. Since everything is, to some extent, planned out, and because I have a somewhat visible end goal in sight (already hinted at in other fics), it makes writing the harder parts leading up to it easier, and makes pulling memories and old emotions all the more fruitful. 

So there are four stages in their relationship, and when I write I try to figure where it's taking place. I’m not going into the nitty gritty, but if you want more I can elaborate. They are the following: 

Codependent stage: I legitimately think the first stage would be a codependent one. At this stage, Magnus cannot refuse Toki’s attention. It’s partly out of guilt, partly because Toki’s one of the few constants in his life, one of the few people providing him attention and with his illness, it’s some he craves. He wants attention without having to expose himself too much, and Toki’s providing just that. In turn, Toki receives validation and attention, something we know he wants from others. Neither want to talk about DR because they’re scared, and they both secretly hope the other will do it for him, but also dread it. Magnus is afraid that once the talk happens, things will “move on,” and he loses Toki, and Toki’s afraid he’ll fear Magnus again, and that everything everyone said about him is true. 

Communicative 1: The second stage really is just about communication, but it’s also the longest stage, which is why I break it into two. It’s  Magnus and Toki coming to terms with what happened, taking their time out of fear of what will come next, and facing that cathartic, but frightening sense of relief when they realize they don’t hate one another, and that are still bearings to their relationship. Toki now has evidence Magnus feels bad and cares about him, likes him for the joy it brings in his life, so there’s more incentive to return, even if it means asking more questions and getting painful answers. And Magnus now knows Toki will not leave him (for now), and starts to open up more, starting with things he thinks will continue keeping Toki around, then eventually moving on to other personal aspects of his life. 

Communicative 2: Magnus starts picking up slack, and Toki can start easing back with bearing the emotional/mental burdens. Magnus begins to share personal information he normally wouldn't, and Toki starts to feel more confident as his hard work starts to take form in Magnus being kinder, trying to stick with a plan regarding his mental health, creating goals and listening to Toki’s advice. Towards the later end, Magnus starts picking up on Toki’s issues more, and begins asking about them and slowly adjusting to avoid those triggers (Toki’s an alcoholic, has Panic Disorder and suffers from Depression). Eventually, guilt ceases to be the reason they’re together. 

Equilibrium: Magnus is regularly taking care of himself without needing to be reminded, and is now looking after Toki. Magnus CAN take care of Toki when needed, and can successfully put his own thoughts aside to help another person. Post G2 Magnus repays Toki back and basically takes care of him in the similar manner Toki did before. At various times during this stage Magnus believes Toki will never leave him, but considering his age chances are the doubt  will never vanish, only subdued when it arises. Toki eventually heals from some of his past traumas, beats depression, but still struggles with nightmares and panic attacks, though they are few and far between. They take care of each other.

[multifandom-stranger]

Rain With a Chance of Sweet Drops

Genre: Soulmate au, fluff

A/n: Hiiii a small story to keep y’all fed. I’ve been so so lazy and feel awful about it. I suggest you listen to these while reading: Sanctuary by Joji, I’m closing my eyes by potsu, A while by a[way], and Cutie by haroinfather. Or this playlist that has those songs and more.

I wonder why it is what it is? Why an umbrella? Seems so dumb and common. You thought to yourself as you sat inside the small coffee shop across from your friend Haechan. It’s raining today so... maybe today is the day...

“-llooo? Earth to Y/n! You really have a talents for zoning out, you know?” You finally gain back full focus on your bestie after a hand was practically shoved into your face. “Stop thinking about it too much.”

“About what?” You scratched at the back of your neck timidly as you ended the very particular train of thought you were on completely.

“Your partner. Your staring at your mark so what else could you be thinking about.” Haechan smirked and leaned down to take a sip from his iced Americano with a mischievous grin.

You lived in a world of everyone having their heart on their sleeve. Literally. Everyone was born with a small mark on their wrist, similar to a birthmark that developed into a select few images, letters, symbols, etc. Once you met your special someone there’s supposedly and instant sense of attraction wether you know you share the mark or not. The symbol ties into how you meet or fall in love. When you meet them and gain a connection the color of it will appear. Some people have hearts, a meaningful word, or even a specific place. But you were left to ponder over a stupid umbrella seemingly tattooed on your wrist.

“I can’t help it! How are you not curious about finding ‘the one’?” You looked down at the simple shape of a cartoonish umbrella once again before glancing over to Haechan’s wrist, adorned with a triangle, ish shape. It was all black. Rather odd really. Most people could tell what their mark was but he was at a loss. You couldn’t imagine how he felt.

“Honestly, I couldn’t care less. Isn’t the whole point of it to be fate and all? Trying to think about it logically makes no sense at all.” Plucking his drink swiftly from the table with one hand at the top he leaned back and eyed you with it almost up to his mouth again. “Just let things take their course Y/n. It’s more fun that way.”

“I guess your right. Thanks man.” The hesitance was still slightly present in your voice but nonetheless he had a point.

“Wanna hangs out with me and a group of friends this weekend? Small dorm party. Only cool kids allowed. You in?” His eyebrow quirked up curiously as his tone raised for the question.

A party sounded like something you needed at this point, even if you gut feeling was that it spelled trouble. Just like your bestie said, you needed to ease up and live a little. “Screw it, I’ll be there. What time?”

“It’s at the Nu Chi Tau frat house. I’ll pick you up at 8:30.” He leaned over the table suddenly, farting all up in your face with a stern look. After a second that seemed to pass ever so slowly he spoke out again. “You better not flake on me!”

“I won’t, I won’t I promise!”

~•Time Skip•~

You currently are sitting at the doorstep of this stupid frat house, abandoned by your friend and no ride home. You venue well could walk but there was one complication to that plan. Rain. Horrible, intense rain. People inside were using it as and excuse to keep the party going but you’d shyer you real quick as soon as the one person you really knew (Haechan) ditched you to leave with someone. Wasn’t his style really, so it really has you confused and alone. Trying to push your pity party along and over to the side you focused on the splash and plop of the heavily falling water from the heavens. The house had and overhang for you to chill on, godsent in your opinion, where you started to pace about and pray that the rain stopped soon.

“Have fun lover boy!!” You whipped you head around to see the door fly open and someone get shoved out onto the porch harshly. Before you knew it a small click, barely audible over the thrumming of the rain was heard. The lock you had presumed. Still slightly scared from the uproar you were left to stare at the strange boy who now was sitting there in his knocked over position hand over his forehead. He looked hella stressed out as he rubbed at it and then munched his nose with a sigh. One thing worth mentioning was what you swore was a red hue to his cheeks and even ears, yet you still couldn’t make out his face from you stance. Wait, this dude just took a pretty good tumble. Shit, do something you loser! “Uh, hey are you okay? You landed on your hands pretty hard to catch your fall there.” You approached him cautiously as he got up, still looking down as he brushed his knees off with his hands a bit.

And then he looked up with a smile. As dumb and cliche as it is, time moved slower for a moment. This mystery boy was both the cutest and most handsome person you’d ever seen. How both worked you had no idea but here he was, living proof it was possible. His eyes were almond shaped and had a certain twinkle, his slightly pouty lips upturned into a playful grin, and his jawline was both rounded and pronounced at the same time. He sure was a looker. Staring! You’re staring at him! You yelled internally as his slightly pinkish cheeks were now accompanied by yours and you looked down to his knees that peeked out of his ripped blue jeans. No scratches there, good.

“Yeah, I’m all good I think. Jerks though it would be funny to lock me out, but at least I’m not alone.” He had lifted his hands in a casual shrug type of gesture when you saw that he had a nasty scrape on his palm, just like you had suspected. Without quite thinking you reached out and grabbed his hand to look at the damage.

“You did get a cut. Aw, I looks bad too. One sec,” while cupping his hand above yours the other reached into your back pocket to fumble for a bandaid. You were quite the clutz so you always had them on hand.

While you took your moment to retrieve the remedy, the boy was left to stare down at your hands meeting. Yours was so warm, especially in contrast with the cool dew seemingly spreading through the air from the rain. It was so gentle as well. You barely held his hand at all and yet it was effecting him so much. But most importantly he saw your wrist. That’s all he needed to be brave enough that when you handed him the bandaid he look your other hand as well.

“Hey, I’m Na Jaemin. It’s really nice to meet you and all but I think you need to take a look at something.” He have you that childish smile once again and you could just feel your heart tense up for some reason. It was so precious. That plus the added bonus of the simple yet sweet contact from your hands holding slightly was enough to leave you a bit flustered. You were to shy to look at exactly what he was getting at.

“What do you mean? Look where?” He simply chuckled and let you other hand with the bandaid still in it go slowly, as if he didn’t want to have his hand leave that spot.

“Ah! Ow... Ya know, my other hand really hurts too. Could you maybe put the bandage on for me?” His voice had a certain sing song quality to it joined by a rather obvious tone of whining. He sounded like a little kid trying to get something without saying just what it is to trick their mother. It was oddly charming in it’s own way even if it was whining.

“Um, sure. Are you sure you don’t need to go back inside? We can knock-“

“No!!” He paused and cleared his throat a bit to regain composure. “I mean, it’s fine I’m sure. Thanks though.” Kinda awkward as well. Cute. You were surprised at the boldness of your own thoughts. You undid the packaging on the bandaid and placed one sticky side with care over his skin to line it up over the wound. As you ever so gently slid your finger over it to stick the other side you froze in place with shock.

Umbrella.....CODE RED! This is not a drill, I repeate this is not a drill. We have an umbrella mark on the wrist! You looked back and forth a million times, eyes flicking over the two marks again and again as Jaemin chucked at how cute you were. As you continued your antics you thought to yourself, Not like they’ve changed colors yet. I-I mean I have seen someone else with an umbrella but nothing happened.

“You’re pressing into my cut a bit cutie.” He chopped up after staring down at you as if he had found a precious diamond in the rough. He was starting to get the whole ‘instant attraction’ thing. He didn’t even have your name yet and he felt like he could just spend the rest of his life with you from then on. It was both weird and comforting in it’s own way.

You jumped back a little and rubbed at the back of your neck. It was a nervous habit, but you don’t particularly feel nervous. It was more calm, but still had your heart racing. It was a promising sign in the least. “I-I’m Y/n. It’s nice to meet you Jaemin.” You looked back up to him and finally returned his smile with your own. You hadn’t felt so genuinely happy or smiled to full-heartedly in what felt like forever. You were starting to hope this boy was the one because well, he was so sweet and kind and funny and playful.... and you just met him!

“Glad I can put a beautiful name to the face now. Nice to need you too.” He sighed and looked down to see the mark on his wrist still filled in pitch black. Brushing aside the thought that it was odd he took a seat at the steps, next to where you had been before and patted next to his spot. “So what brought you out here?”

You plopped down next to him happily and sighed as you wrapped your arms around your knees and rested your head atop them. “Got ditched my the only person I knew at the party. Not really my kind of scene if I have no one to hang with so I just wanted to go home and go to bed buuut,”

“But the rain right?” You both giggles at how he finished your sentence with perfect timing.

“Yeah, the rain.” You looked over to Jaemin to be met by his charming gaze. There was a comfortable beat of bliss in that moment before you leaned back with a smile. “Now I have someone to hang with at least.” As you slid your hand back you felt something brush against it. It was kinda cold and felt odd. You looked over your shoulder to see a small red umbrella left there on the deck.

“Jaemin, look! An umbrella...” as the last word left your mouth the syllables slowed as you realized this really could be it. Hell, if this isn’t a sign I don’t know what is. You picked the umbrella up with a grin and a small laugh. “Looks like we lucked out!”

“Yeah, I think we did.” Another wave of a comfortable moment of sweet silence and adorning eyes passed over the two of you again before he snapped out of it and took the red thing from your hand in a flash. “You live on campus, right? I can walk you home if you’d like. It’s late and all so,” He let out a small hum before going back on his thoughts. “Actually, non-negotiable. I’m walking you home.”

You let an audible “Huh?” that had him chuckling at you once again. He opened the umbrella up and tipped I out into the rain before looking back to you with a smile. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah. It’s not too far.” You took a few eager and bouncy steps to meet him under the umbrella with another full fledged smile spread out across your face. “Thank you Jaemin.”

You two set off for the maybe two minute walk tops happy with small chatter and lots of laughter and smiles. You were tempted to get closer, but shoulders brushing and all was just toooo cliche. It’s just too much this is fine for now. Unbeknownst to you Jaemin saw you shoulder getting dropped on and was having none of it. Without hesitation he wrapped his free arm around your shoulder and gave you that heart melting look once again. “You can’t just be all quiet about small stuff like that when there’s a much better solution like this” He nudged you closer playfully and you decided to be bold and lean into his shoulder a bit.

“Okay, I promise I’ll keep it in mind for the future Mr. Gentlemen.” You took your turn to nudge into him with a laugh and relish in the moment. Things just felt so natural and comfortable with Jaemin already. This had to be the real deal.

“Here it is.” You said with much dismay. You didn’t want your time with Jaemin to end. Especially without knowing how to talk again or meet with him. You both faced each other under the tiny shield of the umbrella, the calming taps against both the roof of your dorm and the ground adding to the moment. “Thanks again Jaemin but um-“

“One sec. Gotta check something.” He pulled your wrist up gently with his own that had the mark to show a now brilliant red umbrella upon both your wrists. Once again, Jaemin didn’t need anymore confirmation. Without any reservation he pulled you in for a kiss. It was as if the sound of pattering rain had dulled, the slight cold had disappeared, and everything was right. He pulled away, keeping it short and sweet yet full of passion and feelings. You were left to reach up to your lips with a small smile before beaming up and him and leaning in to steal another small kiss, this time placed upon his cheek.

“Hey soulmate, I’m Na Jaemin. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too.”

[zahra-kha]

Dear Diary 18

Tamala and Tala came to visit! It's always wonderful when friends drop by. Looks like they weren't traveling together, since Tala tried to get the drop on Tamala when I opened the door and I ended up startling her. She ended up surprising her anyway so mission accomplished?

Those two girls...really. They're a handful but fun, I like it when they're around. I invited them in and went right to getting them something to drink and eat. I figured something simple like sandwiches would do, so I put a kettle on for tea and went right to getting some bread toasted and cutting up everything for the food. Meanwhile we chatted.

I joked about how I had hidden away my naughty stuff (alright, it wasn't a joke) and Tamala decided to dive right on into that by asking me how much of it I had. Poor Tala tried scolding Tamala 'You can't just /ask/ someone....!' but it was funny. I mean, if Tamala really wanted to know she could have just gone looking. I did tell them they could make themselves at home and look around. It's not like I would have been offended. We're all girls. It was funny to tease them though, Tala blushes so easily, it's really cute.

I asked them what they'd been up to. Tamala had been on a camping trip with her school, Tala had been taking care of family business and training for the Coconero Cup. I forgot to ask how they were doing on that. I had to drop out to take care of some troupe business - with Armand still not at 100% I have to take his spot for performances on the tour now that they're resuming. Armand is at least good to move but he needs to practice more to get back to where he was since he was out for so long. I can't slack on my duties to the troupe, the entire reason I'm even in Eorzea is because of them.

I got the food and tea ready for them. I used the tea set and tea Jasper got for me and made a bunch of ham and turkey sandwiches on toasted bread to bring over. I wish I'd had some bacon to cook up, that would have been the best finishing touch. But I joined them and we ate and chatted some more.

Tala asked me what drove me to start wanting to adventure. It was an interesting question, and I tried to answer as honestly as I could. I wanted to expand my knowledge and experience and I wanted to meet people and learn their stories. I wanted to have it inspire me for my performances. I didn't want to limit myself to just being with my troupe when I'd heard so much about what adventuring was and what it meant to others. I asked them why they got into it as well. Fair's fair!

Tamala got into it to meet new people and see new places. Also it looks as if some of her family were adventurers so it's a family thing! We got a bit into Tamala's life and her clan's dynamics, so I'm not sure if I ever caught why Tala got into adventuring. But I hope Tamala gets to continue doing what she wants to do in life.

We somehow got to talking about children! Hells if I even know how that happened, but it looks like both Tala and Tamala would like a family someday. I...don't know. I'm young, it feels like I'll be young forever, you know? I mean, I know eventually I'll grow up and get old, but right now it just feels like I have my whole life ahead of me, it's hard to think of myself as a mom someday.

I could see my little brother Cahil having a bunch of kids once he got older. He'd be a great dad. He's a little shit now, but he's also loyal and loving to his family. He's a lot like dad in that sense - he just does things differently than dad does.

And it might just be me, but it looks like Tamala has a thing for Tala. It's cute! I think they'd be cute together, but who knows?

Then we started teasing more about kids which somehow morphed into sexy voices. I don't even know how that happened but I think it was my fault that time. I said something about 'panty melting voices' and it went downhill from there. In my defense! IN MY DEFENSE! If the voice is sexy enough and drops that note at just the right level...it can be a powerful force for good or evil okay. I will die on that hill.

So then we started talking about hot voices. Namely the type of voices we thought sounded hot to us. I admit, someone whispering sweet nothings in my ear is very attractive if they have the right voice. No one can judge me. 

It then went into the type of people we like/are attracted to, because of course it would go into that. I...might have used that opportunity to voice something that had been on my mind since last night - what if you're attracted to someone you don't want to be?

Tala's answer was curious and made me wonder if maybe she should avoid seeking advice from Quin's bodyguard. Apparently, she'd been told you can just shut feelings off. That's not...wrong, under extreme circumstances, but if it were so easy to shut off emotions, people wouldn't have issues developing feelings in the first place. They'd just stop it before it starts.

Tamala's answer was interesting but after thinking on it, not surprising from someone who worships the love goddess. Basically, just embrace love in whatever form it comes. That's simplistic if love was simple, but if it were, we wouldn't have so many songs about broken hearts.

Of course, it wasn't like they could help me with specifics when I wasn't being specific. They can only help me with what they're being given. So I told them that basically I came to the realization that I liked someone more than I thought I did, and when it hit me I was very upset about it. I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with this person since I value it a lot. Plus, while it doesn't really matter, I'm pretty sure they don't like me in that way (That's more of an ego thing, but hey).

Tamala suggested that I should maybe say something. Outside of it being awkward, what was the worse that could happen?

No Tamala, me saying anything would be the personification of awkward. Really awkward. Really, really, really awkward. The very idea gives me a headache. There are just some things you can and should keep to yourself. This is one of them. Gods. I mean I did ultimately ask for advice and they're looking out for me and to be fair, it's the same advice I'd give to anyone if I sit and think about it.

Right, let's not.

Anyway, I told them to be careful on their way home and opened up about how I felt someone had been following me around the last few suns and I was afraid they could still be lurking around. Maybe they were robbers or something skulking about the neighborhood. Both girls got upset and started drilling me with questions about what happened, when did it start happening, why didn't I say anything sooner, etc.

So I explained (without telling them about how I had noticed), that I had picked up on some people trying to follow me only a few suns ago, but they had recently stopped. I figured maybe they were neighborhood stalkers, trying to pick out people they could rob and since they'd stopped, maybe the authorities had grabbed them. But still, I wanted them to be careful just in case and look out for each other on the way back. Tala especially scolded me, which was surprising. She can be really passionate!

They made me promise to call them immediately if the robbers show back up, which I did of course. I mean, it scared the hells out of me too so I don't want to be alone if they show back up.

And then Tala, that little pot calling the kettle black, admits she'd had someone break into her apartment and turned the place upside down! I just...! I mean, I'm glad her family got her a drake to protect her but still! She'd only told Tamala! And yes that's a step above me but still!

Still! POT! KETTLE! And then had the audacity to say it wasn't a big deal and it was probably random! POT!!! KETTLE!!!

I couldn't help but laugh, it was hard to be upset when your friends are just like you.

The girls left shortly after that but it was nice having them over. I'm glad they enjoyed the food and tea too. I hope they come by again sometime. It was nice to sit and just chat about nothing and everything.

[malumarca]

Anonymous said: ship bias for Kazimir?

Send Ship Bias || Accepting 

Kazimir x Hawks ( Romantically / Platonically) : @animaaerius​ I have the lovely Lumos to thank for this beautiful bird and angel ship. Honestly I think it started out as Kazimir being curious about Hawks, since it seems like those with wings are rare to come by? And it grew to friendship, one where they could chat with each other and discuss their wings and even groom each other and then it eventually became a ship. I love their dynamic since Hawks is so easy going ( at least he tries or appears to be ) and then you have the over serious Kaz. Then you have the added complication that Kaz acts like a vigilante at times and you have him drawing the attention of a hero and it makes it all the more interesting. I love birb friends. 

Kazimir x Dabi ( Enemies to Lovers :3 ) :  OOF A BIG FAV OF MINE. I haven’t been able to ship this since.... oof I think I first created Kazimir? But it is one that I still love and secretly hope for. Kaz h a t e s villains or those he deems unworthy and in a verse for this to happen, one thing leads to another and he ends up joining the league of villains as their “healer / doctor.” He HATES Dabi. But as they spend more time together and antagonize each other, they end up sleeping together. It’s a ship that completely pushes Kaz’s boundaries and that is what I love about it? He likes to act as if he isn’t interested in Dabi and that’s another thing that I love to explore with him. Kaz is someone with morals, albeit somewhat grey ones and falling into a ship with Dabi, someone I think we can all agree is twisted due to his past makes the dynamic something that is always fun to explore. Mind you this could happen just as easily as Enemies to Unlikely Friends and I’m all for it. 

Kazimir x Ryukyu ( Romantically ) : Something Birb ( @errantinfinity​ )  and I discussed a while back, again closer to when I first created him, but moving forward. Once again, I love pairing off Kaz with heroes, he’s morally grey and does things he deems “ right “ but by normal standards are not. He plays god a little bit, even if he means well. It adds unknown tension between him and Ryukyu, but ultimately I love the idea of 1) Ryuko having someone 2)  Kaz possibly realizing the error of his ways and 3) at least by Birb’s Ryuko’s standards, someone eventually to open up to who will love her wholeheartedly ( if you don’t know Birb’s backstory for her, let me tell you, it is very sad and she deserves all the love in the world ) . ASDFGH anyways I love them and need to send more stuff to Birb from Kaz. 

Kazimir x Zach ( ZachKaz? AngelSiren? I FORGET) : @seiirenes​ this one here OOF. Kaz and a villain :clap: a ship we just started to dub as Hades and Persephone. Kaz loves to hate ( and love) one Siren. I honestly forget the complete dynamics or how they met and how things completely got off the ground but... Zachariah and Kazimir end up falling for each other despite their differences, both in personality and alliances and it makes for a fun time plotting. ( Eventually they get married too GASP)  Regardless of the details, Zach grew on Kaz and even if he is loathe to admit it, he loves the Siren deeply and wants nothing but the best for him, even if he has to get after him from time to time. Another example of  me loving to place my muses with their opposites. Angel and Demon, Dubiously Morally Straight Vigilante with a Morally Grey Villain, etc etc. I don’t know but I love all dynamics for them, or verses. It’s too good to pass up. 

Kazimir x Overhaul ( Leader/ Platonic / Toxic Romantic ) : Honestly... I can’t say anything other than that I love toxic ships and the thought of the angel being dragged in by a demon, cough Overhaul, and convinced of his world view. There was a time when I desperately wanted to write a verse where Kaz was a part of the yakuza, but I never got around to it. It always made me think about how disgusted Kai would be by his clear mutation of a quirk, but even Kai wouldn’t be able to overlook the possibilities of his quirk. Kaz could easily take over all the healing for Overhaul, aka less touching, plus with the medical knowledge he has, he’d be able to help him as well. Though Kaz would never agree to harming Eri, regardless it was a ship I’ve always wanted to explore but never got the chance outside of my head. 

Harper x Kazimir ( @mckiingbiird​ ) : This is one I’m still exploring and learning about but I love the idea of a civilian and a lawyer at that with Kazimir ( someone who was studying to be a doctor) and once again could be described as morally grey due to his extreme views. Honestly I love Aspie for suggesting this because YES, OC x OC. And Harper is an absolute delight, cutie and badass and probably one of the more normal ships for Kaz. Someone he can understand far easier than any of the villains and heroes I keep tossing at him LMAO. But again, they seem so cute together and I;m really excited to explore the two of them dating and getting to know one another as well as dating one another because Kaz can finally genuinely like someone with worrying about his morals right away or being stopped by his beliefs. 

ANYWAYS. I have a few others, but that is it for now.  This is mainly BNHA, but tbh one ship that was teased with me was Kazimir x Chuuya and I still think about it from time to time. Angel with a literal God? He’d be questioning his very existence. 

[doof-doofblog]

"I'll Chase Them Up In The Morning, Okay?"

Friday 15th January 2021

Hello again everyone! Hope your weekend has been okay so far! I hope you're all keeping well and looking after yourselves. I apologise for this post being a little late, but I'm ready to head straight into it!

So there's quite a bit to catch up on, the first thing I'm going to mention is Ruby and Martin. After her husband finally coming round to the idea of her being pregnant, Ruby makes a suggestion for her husband. In an attempt to get pregnant, she asks Martin to spend lunch at home with her. Unfortunately, things don't go down the way she expected, as in the meantime Martin has caught up with Kush. Obviously wanting to be the supportive friend, he wants to be there for his best mate, they've been through so much together. Martin informs his friend that Ruby is pregnant with his child, of course Kush is completely over the moon for his friend. Later Ruby is sat at home waiting for her husband to join her, only as the door opens she hears two voices coming inside the house. It becomes clear that Martin hasn't come home alone, he enters the room acknowledging his wife, even though he appears to be on the phone ordering food, suddenly Kush appears, much to Ruby's surprise. Her plans have simply gone out the window. Kush congratulates her and gestures that he's bought some non-alcoholic wine to celebrate. I loved this moment, I thought it was hilarious - as Kush disappears to grab some glasses, Ruby hints to her husband that she wanted to spend the afternoon in bed together, Martin suddenly realises his wife's intensions, but the first thing that comes out of his mouth - "The pizzas are on the way!" ... Clearly pizza is more important to Martin!! But then again, doesn't food always come first?!

The next thing I want to mention is Gray and Karen. After Gray insisted that he wanted his children back to live with him, I guess its fair to say that Karen has been wanting to help as much as possible. I'm assuming it's a way of keeping Chantelle close, but of course she wants to be there for her Grandchildren and tell them stories about their Mother. She even proposes to Gray that she'd help out with the children's meals and homework etc etc, just to give that extra bit of help. However, regardless of her kind gestures, it looks as if that Gray is getting fed up of her, thinking she's interfering with his children. Something tells me that he's not going to be able to cope with her interfering for much longer. I think it's also fairly obvious to say that Gray is someone who likes to keep things in order and very tidy - it was the same when Tina was living there. Of course with Karen helping looking after the children, the house is going to get messy, it looks as if Gray's anger is bubbling inside of him and soon that anger is going to burst. I do fear for Karen, I fear that if she treads on his toes a bit too much, he may go over the edge once again and take his anger out on her. What do you guys think? Could Karen be in danger of being Gray's next victim?!

The third thing I want to mention is the Trueman/Fox family. Firstly, I just want to mention how much I LOVED Kim in this episode. Even though she was only in it for a short moment, her part was just the most brilliant, hilarious part for me. I just love Tameka Empson, she plays the part of Kim so brilliantly, iconic! She's just fantastic! After Patrick being discharged from the hospital and finally returning home, it looks as if the Fox's and Trueman's are sat in silence as they ponder the recent events. Patrick betraying Denise and taking Raymond to see Phil and then Lucas's attack. However, in the silence, Kim enters with a huge handful of balloons to welcome Patrick home. Of course, being her usual self, she is happy and bubbly and smiley as she sees him sat in his chair, only everyone is silent and looks at her holding these huge balloons. I just thought it was brilliant! Denise still can't bring herself to understand why Patrick would go behind her back and let Phil see Raymond. Patrick starts to dwell on his actions and attempts to get up and leave so her can speak to Phil, however Denise stops him in his path and decides to take it upon herself to speak to Phil. After a while she finds Phil on the Square and confronts him about everything, seeing Raymond and attacking Lucas. I do kind of feel that Phil should have a right to see his son, regardless of his dodgy past and reputation. Only when Denise accuses him of attacking Lucas, Phil puts her straight - all he did was talk to Lucas and left him to it, he had nothing to do with Lucas being attacked. This surprises Denise but also makes her worry that there could be someone else who's out for revenge against him, which could mean that her daughter Chelsea could be in danger. Who's to say that to get to Lucas, they may attack Chelsea? Later, she calls for both her daughter and ex-husband to meet, getting straight to the point that Phil was not behind his attack, and for the sake of everyone's safety, it would be best if Lucas was to stay away, not just from Denise - but from Chelsea aswell. Only, of course, we know that it was in actual fact Chelsea who set up the attack on her Dad. She tries to fight her Dad's corner and informs her Mother that she's overreacting, telling her that she has no right telling her Dad what to do! However, Lucas agrees with Denise and tells Chelsea that he will stay away if it means keeping her safe. The interesting thing now is, how is Chelsea going to be able to carry on getting her revenge on her Dad? Which I'm assuming is what she's doing - unless she's after something specific. Is she out for revenge? Does she want to teach her Dad a lesson? Or is there something much more darker going on with Chelsea? What is she after and who has been calling her? I'm really looking forward to seeing this story continue.

The final thing we need to mention of course is Ian! So, after a long time of feeling unwell, Ian has gone to the Doctor's, and of course Sharon is by his side, acting as the doting wife. Ian begins to describe how unwell he's been feeling since coming out of hospital, getting weak and collapsing etc. They suggest taking some blood tests and checking things going on inside that could've made him feel so unwell. However, in her attempt to swerve the Doctor's from checking Ian's insides, she suggests that Ian could have depression, as he has had it before, and that it could be his mental health making him feel this way. The Doctor does seem to agree that that could be a possibility, however Ian insists that his emotions have nothing to do with him collapsing. They arrange to date to take some blood tests and do a mental health assessment. Later, when they've returned to the Vic, Sharon sneakily rings the Doctor's, informing them that she wants to postpone Ian's tests, using the excuse that they're going on their honeymoon. But unbeknown to her, Max has heard every word of her phone conversation, it looks as if Max is slowly sussing out Sharon, he's certainly looking very suspicious of her. As Ian is left resting upstairs, alone, Max somehow manages to sneak his way upstairs and finds Ian on the couch. Regardless of their recent history, Max sits with Ian and informs him that the reason he's feeling so unwell and that the one person who could be responsible of wanting him dead, could in fact be Sharon. Ian at first doesn't believe him, but he makes a few valid points - they still haven't slept together, they don't have a prenup and most importantly, perhaps Sharon believes Dotty's words about his involvement with Dennis's death that what he first realised, plus he drops the big bombshell that he's just overheard her postponing his doctor's tests. Ian seems to brush off Max's words, even though he thanks him for his concern. But the interesting thing is, when Max leaves, Sharon peeps in on her husband, it's at this moment where you can see that Max's words are playing on his mind. He questions whether he should sleep in Sharon's bed that night, but Sharon flirtatiously suggests that they wait until he's feeling much better. Ian smiles at her response, but then when he questions on whether she's heard about his tests, she face up denies hearing anything and promises to check the following morning. I think it's this moment that Ian realises that what Max has said, could be right!

So many questions to be asked as well, will Sharon be caught out before it's too late? Will she even possibly have a change of heart?! What is going on with Chelsea? I'm looking forward to her secret being revealed! And also, how and when will Ruby get pregnant? Will she lean on someone else to get her pregnant? Or will she have to lie even further and possibly fake a miscarriage, potentially asking her husband for them to try again? Who knows?! There are endless possibilities all these stories can take. Personally, I'm looking forward to seeing them all unravel! I hope you've all enjoyed reading! Thank you all for your on-going support, I appreciate it endlessly! Enjoy the rest of your weekend folks! Love you all xXx

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 23: MJ’s odds of dealing with Mysterio are VERY uncertain

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Last time I proved that, whilst not impossible, the likelihood that Mary Jane could protect herself and others from most anything Mysterio (and his crew did) was extremely uncertain. This time out I’m going to break down what MJ could try against Beck (on his own) and whether they would work.

One could argue that super hero comics are needlessly dominated by an attitude that prioritises physical might as the only options to resolve conflicts in stories, or at least conflicts with villains.

I don’t exactly agree with this but that’s a whole other debate.*

Smarts can be a superpower (just look at Reed Richards or Doctor Who). However, their usefulness as a super power varies greatly depending upon the situation. It is most certainly not innately better than any given power. In fact MOST abilities of any kind (super or not) are not innately superior to any other ability. The majority of the time it’s about how you use your talent.

However, for the sake of argument let’s take this POV as our starting point and consider the more cerebral ways MJ could deal with Beck.

Well for starters she could try to manipulate him.

In order to keep Beck under control or to give herself an opening to attack or escape MJ could always manipulate him.

She is smart, a great read of people and has some psychology training. She could empathise with him, or at least convince him  she is empathising with him. Or, she could trick him into underestimating her somehow. Or she could always just use her ‘womanly wiles’ on him.

Well why not? MJ does have a certain amount of experience with wrapping men around her finger right? She could use her charming personality, beauty, etc. to manipulate him.**

But then again…he did literally say such things wouldn’t work on him in AMJ didn’t he.

But hey, maybe he’s lying or overconfident. Maybe he’s not actually beyond such things. The problem is that ‘womanly wiles’ really aren’t guaranteed to work at all. It rather depends upon MJ being Beck’s type and she has no evidence of that beyond his insistence that she have the role of his real life would-be lover. But even if she was his type, manipulating him in such a way has absolutely no guarantee of working. It’s a complete shot in the dark. In fact it’s so unreliable that most of the time Mary Jane has never utilized her ‘womanly wiles’ to escape or diffuse dangerous situations. Noticeably I never mentioned them in part 20.

More importantly we are talking about an incredibly adept manipulator who’s very good at getting inside people’s heads here. Whilst the old saying ‘You can’t trick a trickster…’ isn’t 100% true it is true that it’s rarely easy. In this case Mysterio is far more experienced at manipulating people and has done so on much deeper levels than her.

And yet in AMJ #1 there is no indication that MJ has even considered that Beck is, or could, manipulate her. In fact there isn’t even an implication that she is or (will be) trying to manipulate him, to keep him under control.

What I’m saying is MJ would have the sense to not presume she can out manipulate a master manipulator. Maybe she could. But it’s very possible that she couldn’t and the consequences could be disastrous for her and others. It’s far too much of a risk, even if we are charitable and say her chances are 50/50.

How about something else?

Could she outsmart him? Let’s say she tries to outsmart him into exposing himself or sets a trap to ensnare/subdue him. Would that work?

Well it rather amounts to the same thing as trying to manipulate him. Mysterio specialises in setting traps and the nature of his skills means it’s possible that MJ setting a trap for him could in fact be a part of a wider trap he’s set for her. Remember he fooled the Avengers, Guardians and Daredevil’s hyper senses in ASM #1; a fact MJ would likely be aware of.

And no matter what all this is heavily reliant upon MJ happening to have the time, freedom and resources to pull any of this off.

She can’t guarantee ay of that or even make it a strong possibility; especially not if Mysterio were to hypothetically employ his staff against her.

I should also mention that according to official Marvel handbook entries Mysterio is more intelligent than MJ. According to The Official Handbook of the Marvel Universe Spider-Man editions 2004-2005 MJ’s official intelligence statistic is   a 2/7 and Mysterio’s is a 4/7.

Obviously that doesn’t definitively prove anything. There are different forms of intelligence and it’s entirely possible to outsmart someone more intelligent than your self for various reasons.

In MJ’s case she is most definitely a superior improviser than Mysterio, who’s really much more of a planner and strategist. So if they wind up going up against each other out of the blue MJ would be in a better position to protect her self and possibly win.

It’s far from impossible for her to outsmart him basically. But it is also a big, big, big risk. It’s not something that she could honestly rely upon and she would know that due to her various combat experiences.

Now I’ve dispensed with MJ’s more cerebral options, let’s get more physical.

Now obviously if Beck had his criminal crew and/or his robots gang up on MJ it’d be over, but if both she and Beck were unarmed and had no protective gear then it could go either way. MJ has slugged people to the ground before but Beck (using trickery) has landed blows that have felled Spider-Man.

Plus Beck does have a natural height and weight advantage over MJ if you check the official stats.

If MJ had a gun or a baseball bat when Beck didn’t well then she’d probably win. But were the tables turned he’d very probably win, provided there weren’t nearby resources MJ could draw upon to help her.

If both were armed I’d actually give the advantage to MJ as she’s much more used defending herself with basic weapons than Beck is.

If MJ had her web shooters, her gun AND a baseball bat handy and Beck just had his standard Mysterio gear then he would win unless MJ got very lucky. He’s used to tangling with super powered people many of whom have sensory abilities that can (at least somewhat) mitigate his tricks. MJ not only lacks these powers but also has little-no experience fighting someone with Beck’s skills.

Over all in a one-on-one fair fight MJ stands a reasonable chance of beating Beck.

But of course…Beck’s forte is fighting unfairly.

Unless he was very unlucky or forced to he would never bother fighting without a strength enhancing suit like the one he used in ‘Guardian Devil’.

Or the assistance of one of his robots, like the ones he used in ASM Annual #1, versions of which he literally showed Mary Jane in AMJ #1.

Or with any his myriad of tricks, like his optical illusions and holograms, the kind he also  showed MJ in the issue.

Without enhanced strength, speed, durability or sensory abilities MJ is just not going to survive (let alone defeat) anything Mysterio throws at her. Put his abilities of manipulating people aside, the guy can literally make Mary Jane see and hear things that aren’t there. He can do this even without using hallucinogenic drugs of any kind, although he does have stuff like that.

When you look at Beck’s combat history, even against civilians, he always employs his tricks. He rarely just attacks directly. A great example of this can be found in Symbiote Spider-Man #1 where Beck tries to rob a bank and uses trickery to deal with the security guard.

With this in mind even if he does underestimate Mary Jane it’s very unlikely he isn’t going to employ his tricks meaning MJ (without the fates on her side) is going to get hurt or be unable to prevent him harming others.

And that’s what these last several instalments have boiled down to.

Within the premise of Amazing Mary Jane, MJ on her own simply cannot guarantee anyone’s safety at all. She can’t even be reasonably sure she could.

And that would be fine and dandy if the situation forced  her to try regardless of the odds. If she and others were trapped in a burning building and the only way out was fighting Mysterio or another villain she would more than likely try rather than wait for someone to show up and save her.

But the premise we’re given in AMJ #1 doesn’t imply anything like that. There is no hint that it’s ultimately necessary  for MJ to risk herself or others. No need to try/hope she can keep him and his crew under control, handle them if they get out of hand or minimize the risk of them breaking the law once the film has finished up.

And that’s why I denounce MJ taking the risk at all (let alone justifying it on her win over Chameleon) as utter out of character nonsense.

Next time we examine MJ’s failure to alert anyone to Beck’s presence.

*I personally adore Doctor Who (even more than Spider-Man in fact) and he/she is a character that routinely resolves conflicts without throwing a single punch…Although they do often associate with people who do that for them. Or rig up a machine to blow up the threat. Or…basically the Doctor is the most famous ‘non-violent’ hero in modern sci-fi/fantasy and yet they typically directly/indirectly diffuse dangerous situations through violence; they just don’t do it through their own physical might.

I feel this is rather proof of how from a truly practical POV physical might and/or at some form of violence/ the threat of violence is usually necessary to diffuse violent situations.

**I’m not even talking about seduction by the way. Sometimes for some men the attentions and (perceived) kindnesses of an attractive woman can make them double check their actions or more open to suggestion.

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[fallen-imagine-angel]

Arranged Marriages & Forbidden Love - Chapter 2

Notes: Here’s chapter 2! This is going to be a medium to long series, by the way. I haven’t written it all the way out yet but I can promise it’ll be at least ten chapters. I think. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy! Please leave some feedback/reblog/etc. it’s very helpful!

Summary: It’s your senior year and things seem to be going perfectly. Except for a couple things...

Arranged Marriages & Forbidden Love - Chapter 2

Peter Parker x Stark!Reader

Word Count: 2,952

Warnings: angst and fluff :)

| Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 |

“(Y/n/n),” MJ calls you over. You make your way to the lunch table, setting down your home-cooked meal. Your personal chef made your lunch today. Your dad made him, against your request to eat a normal lunch for once.

“I can’t believe we’re graduating this year.” Peter whistles, a sad expression forming on his face.

“Don’t remind me. I’ve been at this school for less than two years and I’m sad to leave. Mostly because it means leaving you guys, not because….you know, school.” You sigh, rubbing your temples. Peter chuckles.

You see Peter reach for MJ’s hand on the table. You ignore the small pain in your heart.

“You guys started talking about graduation without me?” Ned sits down next to you, digging into his school lunch. You giggle.

“Yup. You snooze, you lose.” MJ shrugs. You look at your mismatched group of friends and smile. You will miss them when you graduate, but that’s still a whole semester away. Why not enjoy the moment while you’re in it?

“Hey, so my dad rented out a movie theater later tonight. You guys wanna go see a movie? If not, I’ve got the whole theater to myself. Well, me and Harley.” You grin, pulling tickets out of your pocket and holding it out to the group. 

Peter takes a ticket faster than you’ve ever seen him move before.

“Dude, that’s crazy. Sometimes I forget you’re Tony Stark’s daughter, but you keep reminding me in mind-bending ways.” Ned grabs a ticket. MJ looks at the tickets skeptically.

“Before I accept: what movie is showing?” She folds her arms. You know she’ll accept no matter what movie is showing. She’d hang out with you any time. Plus, if it’s a terrible movie, she knows that she can just throw popcorn and boo since the theater is empty.

“We’re seeing a movie called Yesterday.” You hold out the last ticket to her.

“Oh, cool. That seems like a funny movie.” She nods and pockets the ticket. 

“You were going to accept no matter what.” You smirk.

“There’s no evidence to convict me of that.” She raises an eyebrow.

“None besides my incredible intuition.��� 

“That would never hold up in court.” She snorts, rolling her eyes playfully.

“Ladies, ladies. You’re both pretty. Can I know what the movie’s about now?” Ned interjects, eliciting a laugh from the entire group. MJ laces her fingers with Peter’s fingers and you have to look away. 

You try so hard to be happy for them but it’s hard. It’s hard when your best friend is with the guy you like. But you can’t say anything because MJ’s happiness is more important to you than your own. It’s always been that way and it will always be that way.

“(Y/n), you there?” Peter waves his hand in front of your face. You jerk away, not aware that you had zoned out.

“The bell rang, it’s time for our next class.” MJ picks up her backpack and slings it on one shoulder. You get up.

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.” You shake your head, clearing the thoughts away as you head to your next class. Chemistry with Peter.

The bell rings again as you reach the door with Peter. He sheepishly goes to open it.

“What if we ditch?” You ask suddenly as his hand touches the doorknob.

“Ditch? I’m sorry, (Y/n), you’re talking to me about ditching?” He turns around, his eyes wide.

“Yeah! Just this once. I mean, we’re seniors. Skipping half a day of classes isn’t going to keep us from graduating. Besides, you ditch all the time for,” You lower your voice, “Spider-Man duties.”

You grab his arm and pull him away from the door. 

“I...I guess so. Why do you want to skip?” He asks as a puzzled look rests on his face. He’s not entirely convinced.

“I dunno, we haven’t really hung out in a while. Me and you. Alone.” You shrug, suddenly becoming slightly self-conscious of your decision to ask him to skip with you.

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay, fine, we’ll skip the rest of today and hang out. We’re still going to the movie later, right? With the group?” He asks, his quizzical expression replaced with a happier one.

“Yeah, for sure. The group plus Harley.” You nod. His brows furrow.

“I thought Harley had business training with your dad tonight. Why’s he going?” Peter asks as you walk through the front doors of the school.

“Oh, it got canceled. That’s why my dad figured he’d rent out the theater. For us to have something to do and to invite friends to hang out.” You shrug. He nods, seemingly deep in thought as he starts walking to the compound.

“Well, I’m glad we’ve got alone time now.” He sends you a small smile. You blush slightly at his words.

“Of course. But you know we can’t go back to the compound, right? Steve would kill us if he found out we’re skipping.” You point out. He stops walking.

“Yeah...you’re right. So what do you want to do?” He turns around and looks at you. You suck in a breath as he meets your eyes, staring deep into your soul, past any facade you try to put up.

“Um...I-I was thinking...ice cream?” You gulp, breaking from his gaze.

Your best friend is his girlfriend, you remind yourself, you cannot have a crush on him.

“Ice cream sounds great! Let’s go!” He pulls you into an alley. He gets out his suit but you lay a hand on his arm.

“Why don’t we...go as teenagers? You know, take a walk to the ice cream shop like normal people. Not superheroes.” You suggest. His eyes flick down to your hand on his upper arm and you become hyper-aware of how inappropriate that could seem to him.

“Um...yeah. That sounds really nice, actually.” He slings his backpack over his shoulder again. The two of you walk out of the alley and down the street, a peaceful silence settling over you.

“So where are you going to college?” He asks, looking over at you. 

“Um, I sent an application to Harvard. I’m hoping I’ll get in. Actually, the letter is supposed to come today. That’s sort of why I’m trying to distract myself.” You clear your throat.

“Wait, seriously? I...I applied to Harvard, too. My letter is coming in today. That’s sorta why I let myself skip class.” He grins. You smile.

“This ice cream is to our acceptance letters. Hopefully acceptance letters.” You smile as the ice cream shop comes into view.

As you near the shop, your hand brushes the back of Peter’s hand. You jerk it away and shove it into your pockets.

He is MJ’s boyfriend.

You order your ice cream and sit down in a two-person booth with Peter.

“To Harvard.” He holds up his spoonful of ice cream.

“And to us hopefully being college buddies.” You clink your own spoonful of ice cream with his and take a bite. Peter’s bite is a little bit too big for his mouth, though.

“(Y/n)--” He mumbles as best as he can, reaching for your napkins. You look up and almost spit out your ice cream. His mouth is slightly ajar as the chocolate ice cream leaks down his chin. You pull the napkins away from him and he gives you a look.

“Get your own napkins.” You giggle.

“This is embarrassing!” He whines, panting from the cold ice cream in his mouth still.

“Start by swallowing the ice cream so you don’t die from frostbite to the mouth.” You laugh. He closes his mouth and gulps down the ice cream, reaching for your napkins again.

“Uh, no. These are the napkins that I got for myself.” You tease. He glares playfully. You watch as the chocolate from his chin drips onto the table. In a flash, he grabs your napkins and wipes his face off with them.

“Ha!” He grins triumphantly with a clean face. You huff.

“Those were my napkins.” You pout.

“I’ll get you more.” He gets up and grabs some more, setting them down for you.

“It’s not the same!” You act dramatic, setting a hand on your forehead in a mock faint.

“Drama queen.” He grumbles jokingly.

“You know it.” You wink and take another bite of ice cream.

“Oh-- I have a question.” He sits forward in his seat.

“Yeah?” You ask, stealing a bite of his ice cream.

“Hey!” He frowns overdramatically and pulls his ice cream away from you.

“Anyway, go on.” You give him a cheeky smile, sticking your tongue out slightly.

“Well, I’ve always wondered but I’ve never gotten the chance to ask...are you and Harley dating?” He asks, furrowing his brows. You drop your spoon into your ice cream at the sudden serious question.

“I- umm...no, not really.” You answer honestly, fidgeting uncomfortably under his suddenly intense gaze.

“Oh. Why not? I thought you guys were, like, a thing.” He asks, leaning back in his chair. The way he casually asks this is unnerving.

“Because I don’t really see him as a boyfriend. He’s more my best friend, someone I grew up with. Multiple people bug us about getting together, though.” You shrug, pushing your ice cream away from you.

“I-I didn’t mean to pry…” He leans forward again, concerned.

“No, it’s fine. I just don’t really like to talk about it, you know?” You bite your lip, lifting your gaze to Peter’s concerned eyes. You haven’t told him about technically being engaged to Harley yet.

“I get it. Have you told him that? Or anyone else?” He asks, reaching across the table to grab your hand. Your breath hitches in your throat. 

“Um, no. It’s not that I don’t love Harley, I do, I just... don't love him like that. People should know that I guess.” You shrug, pulling your hand away reluctantly.

He is MJ’s boyfriend.

“I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do to help you show people that you can just be friends with guys.” He frowns, pulling his hand away from the table after you do. 

“Yeah, me too.” You cross your arms, letting out a small puff of air.

“Hey, at least we have each other, right? I’ll always be there, as your best friend, to back you up!” He nudges your foot, trying to cheer you up. You smile a bit.

“Yeah, I guess so.”  

How you wish it could be more.

“Come on, let’s eat the rest of our ice cream then hit that book shop we’ve been dying to look at for weeks now.” He pushes your ice cream toward you again. You nod and continue eating.

The rest of the afternoon goes by quickly.

“Oh, crap. The movie starts in thirty minutes, we should probably pick up Harley then go to the theater.” You set down the book you’re holding, turning to see Peter in deep thought.

“Mhm…” He mumbles, clearly too invested in the book to be listening.

“Pete,” You wave your hand in front of his face, effectively snapping him out of his trance, “it’s time to go. Come on.” 

“Right. Sorry.” He grabs the book you were reading.

“Doesn’t it look cool? It’s about a girl who goes back in time.” You hum, scanning the book cover. He nods and heads to the counter, buying both books. You watch him as he does.

You decide to ignore his slightly curly hair that bounces with each step he takes, and how much you want to run your fingers through it.

He is MJ’s boyfriend.

He walks back and gives you a smile, handing you your book.

“Did you buy this for me? I could’ve bought it myself, Parker. I’m a Stark. You don’t need to waste your hard earned money on me.” You scrunch up your nose, tucking the book into your backpack.

“Just wanting to do something nice for you.” He runs a hand through his hair, his usual smile turning into a lopsided, cheeky grin.

“I guess I am renting out a movie theater for your enjoyment tonight…” You giggle, grabbing his arm and pulling him out of the bookstore.

“Are we going back to the compound?” He asks, linking arms with you jokingly.

“Yup! We gotta pick up Harley.” You nod.

“Oh. Right. We’ve got a movie.” He turns away from you, an indecipherable look on his face.

“You okay?” You ask, almost setting a hand on his shoulder before thinking better of it.

“Yeah, I’m good. C’mon.” He pulls you into an alley and gets out his Spider-Man suit. You double tap the watch you have on and your black suit envelops you completely. You look over to see Peter in his Spider suit.

“Ready?” You ask.  

“Ready.” The eyes on his mask narrow as he grabs you by the waist and shoots a web to the top of a tall building, both of you shooting off the ground.

“Pete!” You screech, holding onto him for dear life. He laughs and grips your waist tighter. This was the first time he had ever taken you swinging.

“Relax, (Y/n/n). I’ll keep you safe.” He murmurs, swinging from building to building on your way back to the compound.  You relax slightly but still keep your grip around his neck as tight as possible.

Soon enough, you’re back at the compound and on the ground again.

“That was terrifyingly cool.” You tap your watch and the suit folds back in. You shake all your jitters out.

“It always is.” Peter swings into his room to get ready. You’re already good to go, so you get one of your dads cars out and pull it around to the front.

“Pulling out all the stops tonight?” Harley walks out the front doors, giving you a big grin. 

“You know me.” You shrug. He opens the passenger door and climbs in. Peter comes out a moment later, a happy smile on his face.

That smile melts away when he sees Harley already in the car, sitting in the front seat next to you. He gets in the back.

You start the drive to the theater, the radio playing softly.

“So, your letter arrives today, right?” Harley asks, looking over at you. You nod, keeping your eyes trained on the road.

“Um, yeah, it does.” You give him a small smile, nerves setting in at the mention of your letter.

“Oh, he knows, too?” Peter asks from the back seat. You lock eyes with him for a moment in the rearview mirror.

“Yeah, I told him when I did it. Why?” You dart your eyes back to the road.

“Nothing...just thought I was special, or something,” Peter mumbles, looking out the window. You bite your lip to keep yourself from saying anything stupid.

The rest of the car ride is tense.

When you arrive at the theater, MJ and Ned are already waiting at the entrance. The three of you get out of the car as quickly as possible, not wanting to be around any more awkward tension. 

“(Y/n)!” Ned hugs you. You hug back and move to hug MJ. She tries to dodge the hug but you’re too quick for her. She hugs back, seemingly reluctant but you know that she secretly loves your hugs.

“Ready to go see a movie?” Peter hugs MJ after you do, and she melts into his embrace. He grabs her hand and they walk in first. You avert your eyes, instead opting to look over at Harley.

“You good?” He asks, laying a hand on your shoulder. You plaster on a smile and nod. You won’t let Peter get you down in the dumps. Not tonight.

“Yeah, ‘course! Let’s go!” You link arms with him and Ned and walk into the theater behind Peter and MJ. You walk in to see Peter ushering you three to the top with him and MJ. Ned starts up the stairs first.

You don’t catch the look Peter gives Ned. Ned sits one down from Peter, ushering you to sit between him and Peter. You comply suspiciously, Harley sitting on the other side of Ned.

Halfway through the movie, your sides hurt from laughing so much. You’re hardly paying attention to how MJ’s head is leaning on Peter’s shoulder, instead focused on Ned’s jokes. You’re having the time of your life.

Then your dad calls you.

“Oh, sorry, guys. Gotta take this.” You hop out of your seat and walk to the side of the theater, using a hushed tone to answer the phone.

“(Y/n)-- yeah, I’ve got a question. Why is there a Harvard letter in my hand right now?” He asks, and you can hear the confusion in his voice.

“Um-- can you open it real quick?” You ask, tapping your foot anxiously.

“(Y/n) Stark...this is a Harvard acceptance letter. Did you apply to Harvard without me knowing?” 

You don’t hear the rest because your phone has clattered to the floor.

“Peter!” You scream, running back up the steps with the largest smile on your face. He looks up from his phone and locks eyes with you.

“What happened?” Harley bolts up, ready to fight someone.

“I made it into Harvard!” You scream, running to hug Peter. He hugs you back, but he seems in shock.

“Pete?” MJ asks, tapping his shoulder. You pull away from the hug and meet his eyes again.

“What’s wrong?” You ask, seeing the sad look in his eyes.

“(Y/n), I didn’t get in.” He lets the sad look overtake his entire face. Your face falls.

“No, that’s not possible…” You bring a shocked hand up to your face.

“I’m not going to Harvard with you.”

------------------------------------------------

Tag List: @savedbystark

[lovenotereminders]

Nearly 4 months ago I broke up with my bf of 3 years. He changed my life and made it more wonderful than I could have ever imagined. Ever since I was old enough to think about it, I had never wanted kids but somehow loving him had me dreaming of us with 3 children one day. The way he loved me was so magical and strong, even the most romantic of fairytales couldn't have given me a glimpse of what he gave me. At the end of last year, an amazing job opportunity came up for him. 1/?

We never in a million years thought it would take off the way it did but it became a huge success seemingly overnight. I was so happy for him, I could see him gaining confidence he never had before. He was working long and hard nights and while we weren't seeing much of each other, I thought that in the end, everything would be worth it. There was a woman who got the same amazing opportunity as him, she was is partner in it all and they became very close. 2/?

She's a little older than him (he's 3 years older than me) and she always sort of came off as having a motherly nature towards him. She's kind and full of love and one of the most wonderful people you could meet. I was happy that she was in our lives and that he was so happy at work and had someone so amazing to get through the stressful times with. She had just recently broke up with her bf and her lease was up the same time as our roommate moved out so we offered her to stay with us. 3/?

I know he never cheated on me with her or anything, even if that's what it seems I'm going to say. But I could tell he had a bit of a crush on her. I was never jealous or anything. I had a crush on our old roommate and it was just a silly thing, like dreaming of a celeb or something. We always made jokes of it and we even made jokes of him and her saying she was the at work girlfriend and I was the at home one. Nothing was ever uncomfortable. Just lighthearted stuff. 4/?

Anyway, over time his work was progressing very well and more and more projects kept coming up. At first I could handle it because it was just a few months, but as more projects kept coming, the months kept going on and there never seemed to be an end in sight. It was more "this is my life now and this is how little time you get to spend with your boyfriend" instead of "this is only for a few months and once it's over we can spend as much time together as we want" 5/?

Around Christmas time was when I *really* felt things go downhill. That's when the projects really started piling up, but we had a little less than 2 weeks where we were both on a Christmas break. Something felt different during that week and a half. The love just felt..off? We had fun, and spent time together but I guess there was just a spark missing. I also couldn't help but notice he was texting the coworker girl a lot. We lived in London and she was back home in Australia on her break. 6/?

During this week, he was supposed to be with me the whole time but again, work things made him have to travel. I had decided I couldn't do it anymore and as much as it hurt me, I knew us breaking up would be healthy for the both of us. We could both focus on work and not have to worry about each other. He agreed but it was hard for him to do. We spent a whole night crying and planning our futures and saying we would get back together once things calmed down a bit. 8/?

I had moved from Seattle to be with him in London. We met through mutual friends when we both visited California one summer. I don't have a very good family, and all my London friends are friends with him, plus wanting some sunshine and not wanting to hassle of a visa, I moved to California after we broke up. I thought it would be easy to make friends since I have some acquaintances but it turns out nobody really wants to hang out with me but one person. 9/?

He's very kind, and I think he likes me, but he's literally the only person I have in my life right now and I don't want to ruin that by dating him and it possibly not working out. Plus, I'm not ready for a new bf. Meanwhile, my ex is now dating the girl who he was traveling with for work. I know social media is a big lie, but from what I've seen and heard, he's happier than ever with her. It crushes me that he was able to move on so quickly and I still cry myself to sleep every night 10/?

Wishing I could go back to a year ago before all this work crap started happening. I'm happy that he's happy, and she's a good person. I don't hate either of them but I hate the situation. I'm so heartbroken and I don't know what to do. My friend who likes me is cute and funny and pretty much exactly my type but I know I'm not mentally ready for that right now. But at the same time, all I want is to feel as loved as I did before. I'm just so lost and lonely and I don't know what to do ): 11/11

(I apologise I don’t seem to have received part 7 - tumblr likes to eat my asks unfortunately) 

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve been through that, I can’t imagine how difficult that has been for you. Breaking up sounds like it was a wise decision if the situation had gotten to be untenable, even if it was a really painful thing to do, and it’s normal to be upset that he’s moved on so quickly. It sounds like it might be a good idea to mute your ex and his new partner on social media for a while if seeing that sort of thing is making it harder for you. 

It also sounds like not dating the friend you have in Cali is a good idea - craving the kind of affection you had before is a normal thing, but I agree with you that it would be unwise to move on before you’re ready and potentially affect a good platonic relationship to pursue that craving. 

Trying to move forward with your life is probably the best thing you can do right now - California is the sort of place with loads of social opportunities to meet new people and maybe pursue something you’re interested in. You could for instance check out facebook events and look for something you think you might enjoy - things like open mic nights, volunteering, craft groups, skills classes, improv comedy workshops, etc. are all good places to meet new people and get out there and have a good time, so it might be worth seeing if there’s anything that catches your eye in your area. Investing some time in yourself is probably a good idea too - you deserve some extra care and to focus on your own self-improvement after everything. That could mean anything you wanted it to - throwing yourself into your work, taking up a new hobby or getting back into something you’ve been meaning to for a while, learning a new skill, doing something further your own improvement like maybe taking an exercise class or learning a new language, etc. Anything that adds some extra fulfilment to your life so you’re not dwelling on how things could have been, and maybe takes up some of your time and energy so you don’t have as much free time to miss how things were and miss your partner, might be beneficial to you. I’ve got some other tips that might be helpful to you on this FAQ post from my suggestion blog. 

I’m sending you good vibes my dear, and I hope your pain eases soon and you’re able to move past this dark place to find that everything has worked out for the best 💗

[idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf]

Peridot: Why she’s not around often, and why there’s still hope.

K, so I love Peridot. I love her so much. More than life itself. Why is she just..never around? Back in season 4, during the whole zoo arc, she had a lot of use? Like, she could have avoided any issues getting there for starters, being a technician. And she’s more accustomed to how homeworld works than the others? When Aquamarine and Topaz were kidnapping people, she wasn’t there to help rescue the humans, or when Steven got back. And the fact that she was the one who provided Homeworld with a list of names? That’s good fodder for her character! She got Steven kidnapped! Cmon, she’s gotta have some sort of reaction! But no. Nothing until Raising The Barn. Lapis left and that opened the door for more development when it came to Peridot. But what did we get? One episode of her being sad and then nothing until Made Of Honor. And like??? Where was she when we found out about Rose being Pink Diamond anyway? I mean, she was living under the same roof as the gems! Then there’s the fact that she had such a minor role in Reunited? And only got her star because the whole cast was due for a makeover, which just completely took any sort of focus away from her star! Which we were all waiting for her to get for three years! What did she do in the movie? It was a good opportunity to get more of her. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl were incapacitated at the time. Steven didn’t have his powers. Peridot could have finally had a chance to be a part of saving the world! She should have been! She knew about the injector Spinel used, and the writers could have at least tried to act like she was doing something! But instead she. Bismuth, and Lapis all stood and stared at the injector for what, forty something hours?!? I swear, that scene where Steven says, “I have no more friends to help me-”, completely forgetting about Peri and the other’s until they’re shoved in his face, was leaked audio of the writers forgetting my girl exists.

Now, I have a lot of hope for Peri in season six, because the writers- weather they did it on purpose or not- set her up for a lot of character growth. Some people see the way she was written as lazy too. Her being so happy-go-lucky, joky, and fun? It’s been seen as poor writing by many people. But I see something behind it. Because her character has become forced. And i’m certain the crew noticed it. Who didn’t? I still love her, but that’s just because i’m literally obsessed with her. But in all my obsessions and dozens of rewatches of every episode she’s in...i’ve noticed something that changed the way I see her personality. 

Peridot has a very self destructive personality. It’s not shown there at the surface, but throughout the whole show, there have always been notes of it. Back when she was a homeworld gem, despite  what her initial ego may suggest, I am under the impression that Peridot was pretty low ranking. She places herself above Pearl’s, but not much else? I’ll assume they’re more valued than Ruby’s, because Ruby’s seem to be considered pretty expendable. But like? She places Quartz Soldiers higher than herself, and while some of them, namely Jasper, are respected, we’ve seen from the way the Amethyst’s at the zoo are treated that they aren’t typically very high class. And her original devout loyalty to homeworld means she’d probably already have practically no self esteem with her lower ranking and homeworld’s obsession with conformity? Plus Peridot didn’t have any powers and that can’t help at all. And yeah, when shd joined the Crystal Gems she had to denounce the whole system, but her entire life before that point, her inferiority was a f a c t to her. Joining the Crystal Gems must hay have helped her views on life and her morals, but I’m not sure she became any healthier as a person? Like, yeah the Crystal Gems taught her basic values and morals. But they didn’t teach them to her in a way that made sure she understood, they just kinda got mad at her when she messed up and let her figure it out herself. I’m not saying the Crystal Gems did anything wrong. But like..she really learned that it was fine for people to inflict arbitrary rules onto her without justifying it and then get mad when she breaks their silent rules. Like when Amethyst supported her making fun of all the other Crystal Gems and then got mad when Peridot made fun of her. Obviously we all know making fun of people to their face is wrong. But she didn’t. And the way she learned was too vague because she just learned that if you upset someone it’s always your fault and that you don’t need to understand, just to blindly apologize so things are okay again. And in the episode Too Far, Peridot tries so hard to make Amethyst laugh. To please Amethyst. It’s why she ended up insulting Amethyst in the first place! Her need to please starts showing itself very clearly at that point. Now, the Crystal gems only ever taught her how to be a good person. But that changed. Enter Lapis Lazuli. A deeply traumatized gem. A gem who was irritable and emotionally volatile. And Peridot, who was taught by homeworld that she didn’t matter, and by the Crystal Gems that other people did matter, and had a right to be angry at her whenever they pleased for reasons she didn’t understand, was absolutely vulnerable to how Lapis acted. Now, she clearly doesn’t go out of her way to please people she doesn’t know. But she did know Lapis. She had an overwhelming desire for Lapis to like her as well. And so we leave a gem whose bound to be very sensitive and have countless triggers (and is prone to angry or emotional outbursts)...alone with a gem whose all set up not to stand up for herself and that when someone’s upset at you, do anything you can to make it right, and it’s absolutely your fault. Immediately after being left with Lapis, though, her personality hadn’t changed into the wacky funtime dorito a lot of my fellow fans (and the critics too), like to criticize. And that’s because it wasn’t until Too Short To Ride that the final piece of her self sacrificing, horribly self-destructive personality came into place. If you don’t recall, there was a scene where Peridot was upset. At first Amethyst just..comforted her. But, well, when Peridot didn’t immediately feel better and fake joy for Amethyst...her tablet was nearly thrown into the sea. This was treated as completely fine and normal. And Peridot, i’m sure, suffered for it. Because there came the idea that things worked out better if she was who people wanted her to be. Peridot changed after that. Amethyst had punished her for being sad. And Lapis must have taken it poorly if Peridot ever got angry. Those things combined with the rest of her character arc? Of course she started trying to lighten the mood whenever she could. Of course she dedicated herself to being happy and silly and making sure everyone else was alright. And this is deeply written into her subtext, most notably in Raising The Barn. Now, at first I thought that episode was meant to highlight that Lapis was a very bad ‘friend’ (or gf, however you wanna read it), to Peri. But well...the show never treated it like that. They never treated lines like “i’ve been bending over backwards for her” or “I can’t tell her how I feel” or “There are things I should tell you, but I know they’ll upset you, so I don’t say those things”, and of course “We don’t matter. Lapis needs us”/”We don’t have a choice in this.” like they were about Lapis being toxic- even emotionally abusive to an extent, which is how I initially read it. Lapis never learned a lesson. No one said Lapis did anything wrong. Of course, I do still think Lapis was wrong there (she made the choice that they were leaving without consulting Peridot. She got angry at Peridot for lying to her when she had no right to. Etc), but now I realize that it wasn’t just Lapis being awful and having no consequences.That episode was there to shove this aspect of Peridot’s personality in our faces. And most of us missed it completely. Of course, it makes sense, seeing as many things Rebecca and the other writers weave into the show are only there in hindsight. It took me twenty views and multiple rants about how the way that episode showed their relationship was pointless, to realize just what the point is. And what’s more? In the climax of the episode, Lapis leaves. Peridot is emotionally open with Lapis, the thing she’d been afraid to do, the thing that goes against her self destructive way of thinking...and Lapis leaves. That is why I am 100% sure Peridot is still stuck in her self destructive behaviors with no one noticing and no real support system to help her deal with it. 

So yes, the writers set her character up perfectly for the future. Weather they meant to or not. We’ll only see if it was bad writing or a perfect setup once the show is over. And well...I hold out hope that this was purposeful. Because if there’s one thing I know about Rebecca Sugar, it’s that she’s a genius at story and character writing. There’s no way she didn’t mean for this to happen. Or at least, that she hasn’t seen the open door and decided to take that opportunity. I have a lot of respect for Rebecca, and I want everyone to know she will most likely do our Peri justice.

I would love to have any thoughts? Weather they’re agreeing with me, adding to my thoughts, or criticizing what I said. I would love any discussion on this topic because it’s been bouncing around my head for a long while now.