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moonbelt · 6 years ago

Text

»worth the wait

↳ soulmates au | somewhat bootleg coffeeshop au

pairing » jeon jungkook | reader

genre » soft angst + fluff + sexual themes

word count » 9.280

» on Earth V12 everyone is born with half of their emotions – the other half is safely kept within the soul of their soulmate. however, its been a few wee years and it’s safe to say that you don’t have one. or at least you dont think so. but the universe cant possibly hate you so much as to leave you without your emotions for the rest of your life, or can it?

authors note » yeah yeah, it’s been a while. but soulmate aus are literally the only thing that give me joy and hope about love so.... hope you enjoy it!

The doctor at the local health clinic tells you that there's no use in holding out for a soulmate. Giving up is the best way to ensure less heartbreak, she diagnosed. It’s much better that way.

You've already passed the age criteria to find one, she said. Typically, a year or two after nineteen is the maximum time it takes for you to find the one, she'd told you with a tone of neutral candor. Your doctor probably felt sad – pitiful almost, at that fact. But she was careful to not let it show. That although there was nothing biologically wrong with you, the hard-cold truth remains that you can't feel what she does, what other seven billion people in the world feel — emotions. Or at least a subset of them.

To emote, you believe, is a privilege that not everyone receives. However, history and biology books taught you, just like it did to everyone else on Earth V12, that once you came of age you earn that right. That once the universe believes you've merited it, you get to experience the wild, wide and boisterous range of emotions.

You've read about it. Oh, how much you've read. Huddled and bundled up in thousands of blankets on the window seat in your bedroom back at your family home. Even now in university, in between study breaks and long hours of researching on metaphysics. You read to feel but you don't know exactly what you should be feeling. You read to understand, to know the differences between being sad and being upset. Am I sad that the Universe has decided I'm not worthy of a soulmate? Or am I upset that I believe I need a soulmate to begin with? You don't know. Like a thousand other things that simply just do not make any sense.

They told you not to worry. After all, everyone has a soulmate. It's unfathomable to believe otherwise. That's just the way things are. The way things have always been. The beginning and the end.

You watched, a little wide-eyed, disoriented and mystified as your closest friend and associate, Taehyung, became a different person in the five seconds after he met his soulmate, Eden. It was like a dam had been bust open right before your very eyes. It's a little hard to explain, even now that it's been a couple of years, you'd never quite seen anything like it.

The books say that eons ago gods, back in the time when they walked amongst us, granted wishes. But they also took gifts away. And one day when a fight broke out between two demigod children which resulted in one of them dying, the Sun god came down from his place on high and decided with a few other gods that the human emotions within us — the ones that spark hate and contempt and love and weakness — were to blame. Emotions, the god argued, did not play into reasoning or knowledge. And hence they needed to be earned back. Or at the very least, we needed to recognize their value.

But he couldn't just hoist billions worth of people's emotions into thin air. Instead, what he stripped from one he placed in another. The very essence of soulmates. By splitting the emotions people carry and making them search for The One with their other half, the god decreed that he had made the most beautiful creation. The Sun god ruled this as a magnificent feat, tooting his own horn about his generosity to break humans apart.

To take something apart and then put it back together again, just as you found it — perfect in all its nature, is something you long for. Something you yearn to understand. How is it possible to place jagged pieces back together and get something so phenomenal in return? To get something whole?

To experience Love the way the novels and books you devour describe it. To feel that Sadness that can cause people to cry rivers. You want to know this whole other world that everyone seems to get but you. You have Apathy — loads of it. You understand what it's like to be Disinterested; very much so. Frightened and Scared, you know. However, Hope and Serenity, you do not.

It's a struggle because it makes you insensitive. You simply can't understand what others are going through if you've never had an inkling to what they feel. And you have no idea what to say to comfort them because everything you say comes out wrong, everything you try to emote comes out forced and makes you feel like a bad liar.

"I just don't get why anyone would do that, you know?" Taehyung sighs loudly and over-dramatically before he takes a sip of his macchiato. "Like I hate when people take my stuff without asking. It makes me absolutely livid."

Eden nods in agreement. "It's the principle of the thing."

"Exactly!" Taehyung cries out in joy of being understood. Of being related to. "I swear I can't wait to move out and get a place with you. Everyone in that frat drives me up the fucking wall."

An odd third-wheel is what you feel like. So out of place next to your friends that you've known for years. You don't quite get why Taehyung is so mad at his frat brothers for borrowing his stuff, typically if he told them not to, they wouldn't. That's just how communication works. But nah, Taehyung is livid. And Eden agrees. He’s been livid before too.

"You could always tell your roommate to not touch your stuff," you say, interrupting Eden and Taehyung as they throw around other instances when people took their shit without asking. "I would do that."

Taehyung rolls his eyes, not in a condescending way like the other people in your university, but it still very much rubs your spine the wrong way. "The thing is; I have told him. Repeatedly. He’s got like, I don’t know, cement filled in his ears or something. He never listens."

Every soulmate pair is different in their mannerisms and the way they flow into each other. For Taehyung and Eden, it's like they complement each other and always have to add on to what the other says. Like a sign that they are there, and they've got their back. You guess it's adorable, in the same way little cats pawing at your ankles is adorable.

"It's like common decency," Eden tries to explain, his mop of ashy-white hair haunting over his eyes. "People generally just don't like other people touching their shit without permission."

And see, this is where your problem lies. You understand the principle of the act; you understand why someone would get theoretically mad at it. It's an inconvenience at best and rude at worst. But is it worth getting absolutely angry over? You're not sure. You're not even sure how someone can get angry with it. That's the big distinction between the people with soulmates and the people without.

Taehyung looks at you with pity swimming in his light brown irises and smiles. But it's without humor, without the type of light he reserves for Eden, without feeling. "Oh, you just don't understand."

There was a time when you understood your friend and he understood you. There was a time that both of you scoffed at the imperfections of the soulmate enigmatic system. And for a moment it leaves you in a state of disarray with how far he has evolved from you. How different the two of you have become.

You spend the rest of the hour focused on your hot chocolate and reading your Mythology and Folklores That Absolutely, Factually, Most-Definitely Happened book. You leave Eden and Taehyung to discuss whatever it is they discuss about. You so clearly can't simply understand what they go through, it makes no sense to dawdle in their conversations then.

It's the last week before the university closes for winter break but the snow has been piling up for months now. Hanging out at cafes felt like a good idea at the time, what's not to like about baked goods and the smell of heady caffeine? But now you wish you'd never come at all. Or at the very least, that you'd come alone.

So, when Taehyung and Eden start packing up – they have work to get to – you don't budge. You look them in the eye and tell them that spending a few more hours in the cafe sounds like something you're craving. It's been a while since you left your apartment for something other than school and volunteering.

Taehyung scrunches his nose and pouts his lips. "You're coming out to the party tonight though, right? It's the last one before break and it's time you had some fun. Today is your birthday, after all. Maybe you'll find—"

Before he can finish that sentence, you force a grin onto your face and a pep into your voice to try and drag him off that course. You're desperately tired of remembering your own birthday. Nothing good ever comes out of it. And you doubt the ripe old age of twenty-one would do anything different. "Don't worry, I'll be there. Your fraternity is the one hosting, yes?"

He nods his head as he slings his messenger bag across his shoulder. "Yeah. Don't be late, okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll see you guys then." You long for them to go already and leave you to your lonesome. You have a very interesting book to get back to. "Bye Eden, have fun in the studio." You wave them off on their way out and hope to the gods that they do not drag this outing any longer.

Once they are gone and the chatter around you falls into a nice subliminal background noise, you peel open the pages of the myth and folklore book and begin to read again.

Ah, yes, the Sun god. The creator of soulmates and the one that cursed all humanity. You wonder now if the god regrets his decision. What about the people like you? The ones that seemingly never find that other half. Are you just supposed to swagger through life with one leg oddly bent? Did the god merely not give a flying crow-shit? How come it was so easy for Eden and Taehyung to find each other whereas it's become exponentially hard for you? Are you not worthy of your own emotions? Are you not worthy to experience that all-encompassing love? Is it simply just an haute club that you could never even dream of barging into?

You sigh and lean back in your chair. The book gives you more questions than it does answers. In fact, it barely gives you any solutions. All it does is relay what happened ages upon ages ago in hopes you will understand. But you don't. These days it feels like you don't understand a thing.

You were meant to have found your half exactly three years ago and nothing of that sort has even thought of happening. Sometimes you feel little bursts, like your half was feeling so much intense emotions that it filtered through the cracks into your side. But nothing to write home about. It leaves you with a lingering sense of hoping for something… more.

Maybe it's because you're not paying attention — after all, you're too busy lamenting on your disproportionate life — that you don't notice the chime of the bell as the café door is pulled open. You don't notice the swells of oohs and ahhs that erupt from the shops teenage companions like they've witnessed the second coming of a god, or better yet some YouStreamer.

You do not notice the slow, creeping feeling of madness that is seeping into your bones. No, you could never notice that when it feels one and a part of you. You don't notice anything really, not until a voice above you lets out a sound of admiration and awe all laced into one exhale.

"Oh," the voice says. "That's a good book."

Your body isn't made to be twisted around but you do it anyway. Testing the limits of how far it will go. And when you crash into deep, soulful brown eyes that look to you like they hold all of the world's greatest mysteries, you freeze. And even though you know time is a theoretical construct and there's no way to actually stop the passing of it, you believe that in this tiny secluded café, time with all its boundaries, halts.

Academically, you know this isn't true. The world still turns, and as much as you wish it, it does not revolve around you. The snow still falls softly to the ground outside, the graceful music pumping through the coffeeshop's stereo is still playing. Nothing truly stops, but something inside of you does.

It takes all you can give to break forth from the haze cast upon you to speak. Speak, dammit! But you're in awe, mesmerized by a sight you've never sensed so well before. You've met countless people, some conventionally attractive, others more idiosyncratically beautiful but none have made you feel like this.

Taehyung describes attraction as something that is either there or it is not. The books describe attraction as a feeling that can make you desire somebody. You've never felt attraction, not like this. You've felt the vague need to be intimate with another but never like this. Like you crave something – someone – you don’t even know.

The person is tall with hard, crystal cut angles and visible confidence. It's with the way he holds himself like he knows his place in the world. Like he never has to question it. It draws you in. Makes you examine him thoroughly from the tip of his fluffy black hair to the heel of his patent leather boots.

He cocks an eyebrow and for a shy of a second, you are highly embarrassed by the fact that you've spent gods-knows how many moments just ogling him. You never ogle. You've quite literally never ogled in your life… until now that is.

You clear your throat and attempt to come off as blasé. Which is hard considering the awkward positioning of your body and the rigorous pounding of your heart in its cage. "It's not a good book. It's a great one. Probably why I read it so much."

"Debating the existence of the old gods, are we?" His voice is laced intrinsically with mirth and amusement.

"More like debating the existence of my life, really."

He chuckles, a sound that fills all the jagged crevices of your soul and body. He moves and you do the same, shifting from your oddly angled position to look at him better. You don't really know how to explain it, this feeling coursing through your veins. Like you know everything there is to know about him, even though you clearly have never met him before.

You clear your throat and will your mind to stop. This is honestly atrocious, outrageous and, frankly disconcerting. It feels like some random spaz has possessed your body and is making you mewl and purr like some damn cat on the street.

"I'm Jungkook, by the way," he finally says when you find the courage to look back up at him. You respond with your name, pronouncing the syllables clear enough so that he doesn't mess it up. But he gets it. And then he tries the name aloud, twisting it around on his tongue. "It is a good day to question our existence, isn't it, __?"

You smile up at him, a different smile from the one you gave Taehyung and Eden earlier. This one comes easily, and it tilts the corners of your lips without feeling faux and fraud-like. You don't even have to try.

"Depends," you say. "Do you consider a cold as shit day in the middle of Winter to be a good day?"

The tips of his lips upturn into an uncanny lopsided grin. One that feels like he's withholding more than he lets on. "A little."

The line in front of him moves and you find yourself watching the way his body propels forward almost gracefully to order a hot chocolate with extra whipped cream and extra salted caramel drizzle. It's then that you turn your head back to your table and busy yourself with fiddling with your fingers.

You feel something nudging your chest as if begging you to listen for a hiss in the wind – of a window or door being carefully opened. But you push that away. You have no idea what it means. And now, you're too busy focused with reeling your cheeks back to a substandard level of hot. You're not sure why basic communication with this dude has you channeling the same emotes as one of the schoolgirl children in the movies you watched when you were younger. You're an adult for seven heaven's sake. You are better than this!

Your cheeks and your ears do not agree. Instead, they inflame themselves hotter than ever. What is it about Jungkook that has you willing to sell a piece of your soul just to talk to him? You've never felt like this. Like nothing you say could surprise him, mind the fact that you just met him.

This time you are aware when he strides over to the seat that had Taehyung had previously occupied. You look up at him, into those deep russet eyes that hold flecks of something so beautiful and then you feel it. The magnetic pull of someone enigmatic. Someone that holds simply more. Maybe not for others, but to you.

His backpack loosens around his shoulders and his veiny hands clutch the Styrofoam cup with an ardent need as he speaks. "Would you mind if I sit here?"

Normally you would be repulsed by the question. What would ever possess someone that you don't know to act so familiar? But you don’t think as you motion for him to take it. After all, it wouldn’t feel right to just send him away. There’s a thin thread tangling and stretching between the two of you and you would be damned if you cut it on your own accord.

Jungkook finds himself lowering his body nimbly into the chair in front of you. And then you find yourself discussing more with Jungkook than you’ve spoken with anyone else in years. It feels relaxing — freeing. But also like a cruel joke from the Sun god. Here’s someone that makes you feel somewhat whole but there’s no indication that the two of you are even meant to be. How sad.

He talks as if his mind has no filters; effortlessly switching between topics. Do you play any sports? Piano is about as rigorous an exercise as you can handle and Jungkook laughs as he tells you that he’s Vice-Captain of the Baseball team, although now they’re not participating in any tournaments. The air in your lungs turns frigid when you ask if he attends the same university as you and then the air is goddamn stolen from your lungs when he responds with a yes.

“No way,” you cry. “I would have seen you on campus.”

Jungkook sends you a lazy grin. “You would’ve but I doubt you take your head out of your books often.”

You concede. “Okay… maybe a little. But still, isn’t our school defending champions or something? I’m pretty sure I’ve heard of the team doing well before, just not you in particular.”

“Ah, I get it. I’m not popular enough.” He jokes. “Perhaps I need to print out a flyer of my face and paste it around school?”

“That’d be fun. There’s no way I’d miss you then.”

He laughs, a loud sound that expands the more seconds pass. He laughs as though you’re the funniest person in the room, which you doubt. But you laugh along too.

“So, what do you do for fun?” Jungkook asks.

“Other than the obvious reading and playing the piano?” You tilt your head to the side and scratch the nape of your neck before you continue on. “Well, I’m studying Metaphysics and researching the fundamentals of soulmates. Why some find theirs and why others don’t.”

“That’s fun?”

You shrug, a small smile playing on your lips, but you refuse to apologize for your interests. “To me. I guess it just helps me understand.”

Jungkook seems to soak in your answer, his eyes drifting from your eyes to the top of your head, down to your gray turtleneck and glitzy star-shaped earrings. And you take your time to truly examine his face. How perfectly in line his nose is with the rest of his bone structure. How perfectly his jaw and cheekbones accentuate his physical beauty. And how for some reason he reminds you of what you believe the children of gods looked back when demigods were a thing. His face makes you think regal and heavenly all at once.

“What’s your theory?” Jungkook finally breaks you out of your ogle match.

“My what?”

“Theory,” he repeats. “On why some find their other half and others don’t.”

You bite your lip. Not sure if what you say might offend him. There’s no sign that he has found his soulmate or not and you don’t want to be increasingly insensitive. You do not want to hear another ‘Oh, you just don’t understand.’ Especially not out of his lips. You reckon you won’t be able to bear it. At least not today.

“It’s simple, I guess. It all boils down to has the person merited it? Earned it? The Sun god split us apart because he believed we needed to find the value in our feelings. I guess the ones without soulmates simply haven’t attained that understanding yet.”

Jungkook frowns and your heart thrusts itself into a deep panic. See, now you’ve gone and done it. This is why you hate talking, hate speaking. You ruin people’s moods (much like you do your own) without a second thought and honestly, now that you think about it. This must be why you have yet to find your one. You barely understand the emotions you do have; how can you possibly comprehend others?

After a minute or maybe three, Jungkook takes a big sip out of his drink before he focuses his attention back on you and you feel yourself burning. A light excavating through the muggy mess that is your mind.

“Have you merited it? The other half of your feelings, I mean.”

Is he asking you if you’ve found your soulmate?

“No. Not yet.”

“Oh.” Is all he says but you hear the unsaid meanings. “Personally, I think the god did something terrible by rupturing us apart. What good has it really done anyone?”

You don’t answer. Not only because you don’t have a good response but also because the topic of soulmates has you on edge already. Someone like Jungkook obviously has all his emotions and has found his half, you think. You doubt the two of you are even on the same wavelength on the matter. So, instead of answering you change the direction of the conversation to him and his collegiate baseball career.

And everything after that clusters into a ball of yeses. When he asks you for your number, when he asks you if you’ve heard of Beta Tau Sigma, and subsequently when he invites you to Beta Tau Sigma’s end of the year party later today even though you already promised Taehyung you’d be there.

Suddenly, you wonder if Jungkook and Taehyung are friends, you guess they should be since they are frat brothers, but he never mentioned his name before. So now you wonder if Taehyung has separate friendship circles for those with and without soulmates. You don’t get mad or angry at the thought. But your mood dampens anyway.

“Wanna know what I think?” Jungkook speaks up just as the two of you are packing your stuff from the table. He doesn’t wait for you to say yes; he presses on almost immediately. “There’s no time limit on soulmates. And to believe so is to believe there’s a time limit on life itself. Our whole lives we’ve been told that the old gods exist and that the old gods did this and that and blah, blah, blah. But then they tell us that if we don’t find our other half by eighteen, better yet seventeen, there’s something wrong with us?”

Jungkook laughs but there’s not a shred of sparkle in it. “Us… the people born out of the happenings of gods? Okay, riddle me this. If we are so clinically incapable of finding our soulmates, then why do we long for them anyways? Why would there be pieces of my very soul that feel so incomplete?”

You’re dumbstruck by him. And again, you feel the little tilt in the wind that sounds to your ears like someone is knocking on a door that you can't see. But this time even though you do not have an answer for him, you force yourself to spit something out.

“If I were to find my soulmate this very second, I’d believe you.”

He smiles down at you, the one where his eyes fold into deep crescent moons and again you think that he’s holding out on you. Holding onto a secret that only he knows. “Won't that be amazing.”

The day goes by without you paying attention to much else. You meet with your philosophy professor on the advancement of your thesis paper even though you have no idea what you want to base the paper on. Almost every relation between soulmates and reality has been explored and at times you find that your professor and you clash on too many issues. You grunt through the meeting, walking on thousands of eggshells before you finally head back to your apartment but once you put your feet up on the couch, you get a text from Taehyung.

TAE » Remember, you promised!!

You » ...

TAE » Don't tell me you've forgotten Beta Tau's party slash your birthday bash? You promised!!! People might start thinking I made you up L

Although you know deep in the deepest crevice of your heart that Taehyung doesn’t mean anything harmful by his statement, it makes you squeamish.

You » What's that supposed to mean? Now I'm the token soulmate-less? Bragging about all my deficiencies to your fraternity brothers that I've never met? Be my guest.

TAE » Oh fuck. You know that's not what I meant __. I'd never do that. I didn't mean for it to come off that way.

But it did.

And you’re not sure where this surge of despondency is coming from. Almost like a switch in your psyche has been flipped. Some part of you acknowledges that earlier today, you would not have read that message as anything but harmless. But the situation has changed. It’s like your body is thrumming with unshed resentment. Resentment at who? You don’t know but Taehyung seems to be on the receiving end of it.

It’s this feeling of deep antipathy that propels you into getting dressed for the damn party. Not the fact that it is your birthday, not the fact that there is a slight possibility of finding your soulmate at the wretched place. No. You get dressed because there would be free booze and people stupid enough to pick a fight with you in your current state. Well, maybe not a real fight. But there’s a thrumming in your veins and you don’t know how to curb it. You’ve never felt anything akin to it before. Oh, and maybe the small huge chance that you’ll see Jungkook again.

By the time you get to the Beta Tau Sigma house lined up on Greek Row you are quite literally ready to burst at the seams. The weather is cold as fucking shit and although it stopped lightly snowing, the breeze has you tightening your hold on your navy jacket. What is up with everyone today and being a major dick to you? First, it was your professor, and then it was your neighbor that stopped you on your way out of your apartment to pity the fact that you hadn’t found someone on your twenty-first birthday.

Fuck off, you almost screamed at her. Leave me the fuck alone and go shag your boyfriend in the back of his termite-ridden Honda!

But you’d smiled through it, bearing the stinging of your cheeks as you stretched them past your limit and fisted your palms so hard that you created crescent shapes into your flesh.

And gods, you’re tired of smiling through it. Tired of being told that you’re not allowed to feel anything other than your predisposed emotes. Exhausted with having to always be passive. Nothing is supposed to hurt you. At least not emotionally. But you feel a swelling in your chest like your heart is about ten beats away from finally asphyxiating itself.

You push through the frat house and find Taehyung almost immediately. And you watch with a hint of simmering hatred as he cracks joke after joke and his brothers and friends laugh and you feel more and more isolated between their world and yours. And then the hatred comes to a boiling point when you catch two lovebirds giggling and making out on the sofa next your foot.

You blink and blink and blink again. Coming here was a bad idea. To be surrounded so much by the one thing you desperately want but can't have. The irritation and animosity that’s been brewing within you transforms into something more solemn. Dimming itself down to a feeling of major disappointment. At yourself, at the world, at the cursed Sun god.

The second you're about to pivot the fuck out of there, a pair of eyes to the side of the room fixes on you and you are stunned into a halt.

His eyes say a thousand things at once and you hear it deep in your soul. His eyes rake over your entire body as if looking for the source of your imminent distress but when he comes up short, his pretty lips squeeze together and form words that you suddenly want to be etched onto your very being.

“You okay?”

No one – and you mean this without irony – has ever asked you that in all seriousness. Not your parents, not your friends, and certainly not you. Your parents try, you guess, they know how hard it is to not have a soulmate, but they found each other early and never had to question themselves. Never had to question the essence of their souls.

And that’s when you feel it; a quiver in your lips. You open your mouth in an attempt to say something – anything – but nothing comes out and you close it, only to repeat the motion with no improvement.

Jungkook crosses the room in long strides and before you know it, he is everywhere around you. All black. Black tee-shirt, black cargo pants, black sneakers. You didn’t realize how big he was before but now that you have, you can un-see it. Lean and lithe but strong and sturdy. A walking contradiction. Especially with the light shining from his eyes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He asks as he puts his hands on your shoulders and centers you.

You hate, absolutely despise, how watery your voice sounds when you say “Nothing. This party is just so lame that I’m feeling a little off.”

The both of you know how bad your lie is but for some reason, he rolls with it. “Yeah? I was thinking the same thing actually. This has to be the worst thing Tae has ever put on and to think he said it’s supposed to be a birthday party. I could do much better.”

And now you feel utterly terrible. You’d been so ready to rip Taehyung a new one, assumed his prejudice against you for what? Awful. You’re so awful as a person that of course, you haven’t earned the right to find the other half of your emotions. Of-fucking-course.

You’ve never felt so out of your own body before. Who is this impostor that has possessed you and when can you get your body and appropriate feelings back? You need it back before you completely annihilate all your relationships.

“I’m sorry. I don’t usually act like this.”

“Why are you sorry?” He seems genuinely confused.

“I… You probably wanted to have fun with your brothers and all. And here I am just – “

Jungkook squeezes your shoulders hard which forces you to raise your attention from staring at your shoes to gazing at his face. It’s a much-needed distraction from the wobble in your voice and the feeling of cotton in your throat.

“You need some fresh air?” He poses his statement as a question, but you don’t really have a choice in the matter anyway because he slides his warm fingers into yours and although you feel a momentous spark, you let him drag you through the house.

Taehyung notices you then and begins to rush towards you. Perhaps he’s glad that you still came out tonight even though you had a fight with him earlier. Perhaps he’s relieved that you don’t utterly hate him. But you attempt to give him a watery smile that is both apologetic and reassuring, but his eyes fly down to you and Jungkook’s conjoined hands and he pauses.

And it’s not the smile he usually gives you. No. This one closely resembles the ones he reserves for Eden. Like maybe you’ve found your sanctuary. Maybe you’ve come to finally understand.

You scoff at the thought just as Jungkook snatches two Margarita cans from a cooler and pulls you up the stairs and through a hallway that leads to a balcony. When you're outside, he motions for you to take a seat on one of few white benches. Without saying a word, he passes a can to you. You clasp the cold drink between your fingers and revel in the iciness sipping through your flesh.

You've never experienced this feeling of tranquility meshed with a creeping sense of foolhardiness with another person in your life. And you're struggling with how to process it.

“Wanna talk about it?” Jungkook finally breaks the silence, sitting right beside you. The warmth emanating from his body warms you down to your toes and you revel in it.

No. Yes. Fuck. “I don’t know. I’m just being stupid, and it doesn’t matter anyway.”

“I know you're not stupid and it does matter. It matters a lot.”

Great, you think. One more person in the grand universe that you're destined to disappoint. You sigh and stare out at the starless sky. You always hold your feelings in check and rigorously work to not let the few emotions you do have to get the best of you. To not cloud your judgment. But during the course of this whole day, you’ve felt like you're on a ledge. On the precipice between falling and drowning. Like your mind is waging a war against itself.

You are not a crybaby. But even as you think this, you feel wetness at your eyeballs and a stinging in your cheeks, and you blink and blink to try and push it away. But it feels like your body is burning with never before experienced sensations and it scares you. You open your mouth and the choking feeling from before returns, it muddles everything else and you panic. You refuse to cry in front of Jungkook. Not now when you feel so downright weak.

“P-pieces of my –” Against your will your voice cracks. “Pieces of my very soul are so incomplete.”

The corners of your eyes fill up more with tears that you desperately do not want to shed. And it takes everything in you to not raise your hand to swipe the madness away.

Stop! Stop, goddammit! Stop this very instant! You’re above this. Better than this. You didn’t cry when the doctor told you that there was nothing biologically wrong with you, you didn’t cry when your group friends slowly diminished as they found oneness with their partners and others more attuned to them. You didn't cry then, so why are you on the verge of it now of all times and days?

And even though you're trying your damn hardest to not have a full-on breakdown, you feel your body heave and then sniffle. Gods this is so embarrassing. You turn your face away from the sky and instead focus it on the cold can in between your fingers.

You pushed away your feelings until they were stuffed in the darkest parts of your mind and now it seems, they are breaking out without a care in the world about the consequences.

“Remember I told you that my theory has to do with some of us earning the privilege of someone else? I haven't earned it. Heck, I haven't earned anything. I'm passive. I try not to be but investing myself into others has never worked in my favor. All the emotions I do have feel so negative that when I'm around people I can't help but not connect. Because I don't understand half of what they are saying or feeling, and I hate it. I hate it so much.”

You're a piece of work, __, your ex-partners had said. You've dated around before; scavenging for love in uncanny, dim places with people destined to be with others until they finally realized that you were not theirs.

Because everyone eventually did. Realize the oddity of not being empathic. There's something defective about you. You can't seem to find anyone willing to be around you for two weeks talk less of forever. But everyone you'd been with magically happened to find theirs. The stars seem to gravitate away from you like you exude such a power that is so repulsive.

And it hurts. It hurts so fucking much. Like hot coal sliding down your spine and marring flesh. But you can't stop your mouth from speaking, the words tearing the edges of your lips with each choked up sound you exhale. "A part of me doesn't care if I don't have a soulmate, I mean, my life shouldn't be dictated by whether or not I have someone tied to my arm. But the other half of me desperately wants it. I get this ridiculous chasm of sadness when I think about every emotion that I can't experience because I'm not worth it. I've never been worth it."

Your throat is burning. Your eyes are burning. Every part of your body is aching madly but Jungkook doesn't say a thing. Your chest begins the act of carving in on itself and if you didn't know any better you would reckon that your heart is cracking into two halves.

Gods, this is pathetic. You feel so pathetic. All your life you've never felt like the world had conspired against you until this very moment. Like the Sun god had taken a special hatred on you and dumped all these folds of resentment into your soul. You wanted to claw it out.

And for some reason you will never understand, you keep going. As if the cracking of your voice and the upheaval of your shoulders wasn't enough, actual tears started to slip and slide down your cheeks.

“Why the fuck does our society bank on soulmates anyways? What's so great about them that everyone acts like if you don't have one you've been done a great disservice? Why me?" A whole bunch of unfiltered anger bursts inside you and propels you from the bench and a graver sniff infiltrates your voice. "Seven billion people on Earth V12 and you would think that I would be able to find someone in this mess of a world but no. I've wasted twenty-one years of my life without knowing anything. Without feeling anything. I can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. I want to feel something. Anything. I'm tired of being like –”

Oh, seven hells, you feel like you are dying. Decomposing to dust on the balcony of a fraternity house in the middle of winter in your favorite jeans and so-so high-tops.

It feels like every section of your body is withering away. Rotting. Falling apart and there's nothing you can do to stop the trajectory. Tears pool beneath your chin before they cascade into the neck of your shirt. Your lips quiver so badly you're afraid they might never be the same. If this is what sorrow feels like you hope you never experience it again. It makes you feel gutted.

Your vision becomes so blurry that you can barely make out the dark sky in front of you. Can barely even think. And try as you might, the tears just keep rolling.

You’re not sure of when Jungkook stands up but you feel him wrap his arms around you – tentatively, all-encompassing and fully, and rest his chin on the side of your head. He doesn’t say a word, and maybe it’s because he doesn’t need to. You feel him. The budge on the window sill that leads to your soul. You feel him there. But you want him to let go. There are certain things you acutely feel like you do not deserve, and he is one of them.

“Let me go,” your voice sounds like two trains grinding against each other and it makes you pull away from his embrace. But Jungkook’s arms stretch around your torso.

“No.” Is the soft reply that weighs on your ears. His body is warmer than you want it to be because it's making you feel at home.

“I –”

“It’s okay. You can let it out.” In some kind of way, he feels even closer than before. Like he's impressing himself into your lungs. Like he's giving you the very air that you so desperately need to breathe. Like he's forcing you to bloom and he doesn't care if he has to be the one that solely weeds away at all the nonsensicalities in your chest to make sure it happens.

And maybe some part of him just knows that a part of you is desperate to run away from the unknown because he hugs you harder, tighter, and firmer. So much so that now you can't breathe for different reasons. You don’t know what to do so you let him.

“You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone. Not me, not the gods… no one. And –” You make a move to interrupt him but Jungkook cuts himself off. “Do you feel it?” He asks with his torso pressed against yours and your heart syncing along with his.

“Feel what?” You croak out.

“I can't explain it, that’s why I need you to feel it. It’s every around us you have to, I don’t know, listen.”

You don’t want to, but you do it. You squeeze your eyes shut and wrap your fingers around the Jungkook’s shirt and wait. You wait for the madness in your mind to calm down. You wait for the apprehension in your heart to subside. But nothing happens and you feel worse than before.

“Jungkook,” you start.

“Don’t.” You swear you hear a slight tear in his voice. “Just listen.”

Listen, he says, but what are you even listening for? Here you are, miserable than ever and being told to listen. To the universe? Or listen for that goddamn hiss in the wind again? But all you hear is the sniffles that your chest is releasing and the slight exhale of Jungkook’s hot breath against your cheek. And you don’t know how to explain it. But it is then when you are doubtful and least expect to hear – talk less of feeling anything, that you identify it.

And it’s a beautiful thing. Like two halves of a comet melding into each other to crest a dynamic explosion into your very being. Something that lifts the burden weighing down on your heart and helps you to finally breathe. Breathing in through your nose feels better. Feels easier.

The thread you’d felt before in your mind that had been so tangled and messed up that you could barely discern what it was suddenly fizzled, expanded and stretched out and when you feel for the force at the other end of the cord and come in contact with an aura that reminds you so much of the person in front of you, you are shocked. Better yet, surprised.

You don’t know to explain it. Heck, you’ve never experienced such a colorful array of emotions in your life that for a minute or maybe three, it leaves you dazed and disoriented. It feels like your body is in a vacuum and is receiving dangerous sensations at the speed of light.

It’s burning. Oh, how it's burning. It’s burning through every fiber of your existence but unlike before, this burn doesn’t make you want to choke up and die. Instead, it revitalizes you.

“Do you feel it?” Jungkook asks again.

This time you have an answer that you don’t have to scour for.

“I feel it. I feel it so much. I feel it everywhere. I –” you don’t know whether to cry even harder or laugh at the oddity of the situation and that leaves you in an awkward limbo of both. “Oh, gods. It’s you.”

All the haphazard sensations you’ve been feeling all day. The anger – no lividness –at your neighbor, the overwhelming sadness, the uncharted pettiness at Taehyung with a bare minimum reason to be. It all finally starts to make sense. Everything – or at least, all of that – happened after you’d met him. After you’d been exposed to someone akin to a livewire.

This is nothing like the books said. You’d gone your whole life thinking, believing, that when you met your other half, you’d instantaneously know. Like the skies would crack open and some kind of bell would resound. Now you realize how ridiculously absurd that would be, but it had made sense at the time.

Words lose their meaning in an effort to explain what you feel. Your body is being put back together again. Pieces that you hadn’t realized were even missing suddenly fit into each other. You welcome the tingling in your veins and instead of ignoring the sparks igniting beneath your bones, you embrace it. And oh, it is magnificent.

In this loud, beer-infested fraternity house with slovenly college students pushing against each other downstairs and on the day you turn a striking twenty-one, you find someone that the history and biology and mythology books could have never predicted.

Jungkook’s voice is much softer than before. Is that possible? But it is. And he holds you tighter, holding you like you’re unbreakable.

“To me, you're the moon, the sun – the whole fucking galaxy. I’ve always known you existed, and I’ve waited to find you for a long time. I carried your half with me for so long, how could I not? In the depths of my mind and when I really concentrated about it, I could feel you. Somewhere close but sometimes distant. I held out for you… always. So, you’ll forever be worth it. And you don’t need to earn me, you already have me. You’ve always had me.”

The stain of his words etches itself onto your soul and becomes a part and parcel of you. They quiet the chatter of your heart and bring subliminal teardrops to the crooks of your eyes but this time you don’t mind it. How could you ever mind it?

“So, you’ve always known then?” You don’t sniffle or sob and your voice doesn’t pathetically crack. Instead, you maneuver your face away from his chest so you can see his eyes. In the process, your bodies disentangle and you miss his warmth but this is really happening. And you’re desperate.

He smiles. It's blinding in its glory and it blitzes straight into your core. “Always. It's destiny; you and me.”

You and him. Him and you. You like the sound of that.

“Even though we had to wait for so long.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes like he’s tired of you thinking about time as some enormous continuum rather than the now. “We have the rest of our lives to be together. I don’t think knowing you a bit earlier would change that. It is what it is. And even if I had to wait five years, fuck, even ten. I wouldn’t give up. Not on you, __. Not on my other half.” He spits the last words out so vehemently you don’t have the audacity to doubt it. “What we have is more sacred than anything in the world. I’d be stupid to let that go without trying.”

“You’re not stupid.”

“And you’re not unloved by anyone in this world so stop thinking that.”

“I was not –”

He sends you an exasperated look, one that you immediately identify because the bond the two of you have defies all logic. One that says that he knows you. He knows that the tears that sprung to your eyes earlier were not simply because you were overwhelmed by everything in the universe but also because you felt like you had lucked out of the love train. Watching your friends find havens with their other halves and seeing that couple giggle on the couch like it was the end of high school all over again, it made you feel desolate. And Jungkook felt that. Somehow in some way, he knew.

“I love you. I’ve only met you and I know that much. So, what about your friends? Your family? They love you too albeit in different ways than what I'm feeling. But no matter how much the Sun god split us apart, I, you – we – have always known that we were made for each other. So, yes. I love you.”

You’re pretty sure your mind all but blows up into a tiny clusterfuck of a mass because you can’t even hear what Jungkook says next. You’re hyper fixated on what he had just said. He loves you? How does he even know that? What was this? Had your brain and ears finally imploded on themselves? Was this alternate reality?

“Do you need me to repeat it?”

What? Huh? What?

“I don’t know what to call it. Maybe love at first sight?” He carries on like you’re not having a self-induced heart attack right before his eyes. “Never believed in that before but then I saw you and gods, you’re the most beautiful person I've ever seen in my life. I sure hope when you saw me it was the same because I have no idea how to describe what you do to me.”

But you understand what he’s saying because you did feel it. You felt so much when you first looked at him and you still feel it now.

“Like everything suddenly made sense. The whole craze about finding soulmates finally made fucking sense. I finally understood.”

You blink and blink so fast that you fear your eyelids might not keep up with the action. You never thought your other half would be a huge, spectacular talker and that they would know just how to steal the breath from your lungs away. But Jungkook knows. You're finding a lot of new things this night and one of them is that Jungkook is a hopeful romantic. It almost makes your body bring on another set of waterworks.

“I love you.” He says the soul-breaking words again. “And I already know that love is malleable but what I feel in my bones is for forever.”

In your bones, transformed out of what had laid dormant you felt Love. All around you love. Like you could mess up, you could do the oddest thing in the universe and the love would still be there. You want to shout it out. For the first time in your little life, you feel love and you want it always. And you want to give it always.

And you don’t know how you know but you know that he’s about to kiss you. Oh, gods. He’s about to kiss you right after –

“I love you too.” You hurl out fast enough and it slows down Jungkook’s advancement towards you. “And I have no idea what I'm doing but I'll do it with you. I don’t trust just anyone but what we have is bigger than trust. Like you said, it’s life itself.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I would wait forever for you too.”

“I know,” he says and you don’t run away when he steps closer to your body. And his fingers reach for a set of yours. You raise your free hand to his chest and feel the rapid, erratic beating of his heart in its cage.

“And I've never done this before. But I'll do my best I –”

“We don’t graded,” he cuts you off with a laugh. “And I know.”

He knows.

His free hand cups your cheek and you almost hyperventilate. Almost. But you’d rather die than miss this. So, you take deep, long breaths that inflate your system with the mix of sandalwood, earth, and hope. And then his lips press onto yours and give you a happy death. His lips crush yours with a force reserved for rocks and specks of dust breaking away from comets. His kiss wakes you up. And you love it.

Before you can even push further, his lips move to the side of your cheek, barely-there before it cascades to the other. And then his mouth is on your brow bone, a light presence that feels heavenly beautiful and nerve-wracking all at once before his lips rest on the middle of your forehead.

Jungkook’s lips came back to yours and kissed one corner of your mouth and then the other. Oh, seven hells, you can’t think. You don’t want to either. Instead, you open your mouth and kiss him back with more fervor. You lithely raise on your toes and kiss the apples of his cheeks, his temples, his brow bones, beneath his lips and right on his chin. Gods, it feels like you kiss him everywhere.

The hand on his chest feels how frenzied his heart is pounding and it makes you smile because you’re sure your heart is doing the same. You close your eyes and wrap your arms around his neck. You don’t need to say anything in this moment because what needs to be said is all around you and under your skin. He reached forward and kissed you again. This time harder, and more frivolous and you gave and gave and took and took. And when the two of you finally break apart for air, you feel a tingle of cosmic goodness down your limbs.

Fuck.

He grins, actually no, he does more than that. He momentarily lights up like a firetruck and pulls you impossibly closer. And you think he has the most beautiful smile in the universe. You want to keep that on his face forever.

“You’re worth it,” you tell him, breathless.

“Worth what?” He asks smugly, his smile turning cocky as he acts like he doesn’t know.

You roll your eyes, your shoulders shaking as you laugh. A genuine one that warms your belly. “Worth the wait.”

a/n » hooo my god, this is the first thing i’ve written in about a year? and it feels so good to write and even better to pour my soul into this soulmate au. i really hope y’all loved it!! and please do tell me what you think!

⇢ masterlist

©️ 2019 kai, moonbelt [aka high-on-food]

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akechicrimes · 5 years ago

Note

7 or 71 for either shuake or yukamitsu [big eye emojis]

7. “I told you that I’d never leave you; I’m not going anywhere.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

On Goro’s thirty-fourth birthday at ten-thirty in the morning, Akira calls him at work (which Goro dubiously eyeballs for a whole four seconds before picking up) and says, “Happy birthday, dear. I just got hit by a car, and I need to know what color bike you want.”

Well, neither Goro nor Akira own a car for Akira to drive, so that means Akira got hit on foot. Goro is very calm, and has no immediate panic response to that, because he’s a rational and responsible adult. “Are you dead?” Goro asks.

“Probably not.”

“And is there a reason you’re calling me instead of the ambulance?”

“Oh, I’m fine. I think I have a bruise on one of my legs, if that counts. But I was riding your bike when it happened, so the bike got totaled, so, you know. They’ve got the same model you had, but there’s tons of new colors, if you want pictures.”

Goro takes a very long, very deep breath. Goro is very, extremely calm. “Anything is fine,” he says. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, hundred percent. I even landed on my feet; you should’ve seen it.”

“You should go to the ER anyway,” says Goro, in a voice that is truly the epitome of calm.

“I mean, I guess I could, but that seems like a waste of time. And I don’t want to just leave your bike in the middle of the road.”

“Throw it away if it’s wrecked, then.”

“But it deserves a proper send-off.”

“You’re doing this to me on my birthday, Kurusu.”

“I’ll go to the ER if you go with me,” says Akira hopefully, who is a perennially bad influence who is of the opinion that Goro should have just said he’d be ‘working from home’ and spent the day with him.

Goro takes a look at his calendar, tallies up how many meeting he’d have to reschedule, and waits a whole five seconds before he lets himself say, “Fine,” because Akira just said that he’s fine and Goro isn’t upset and everything is so calm that Goro can wait five seconds before agreeing to leave work. “I’ll see you at Leblanc.”

“Wait, wait, which color for the bike? They’ve got green, blue, a red, a kind of fun rose-gold thing, which is a bit excessive considering it’s a bike, and teal, and a kind of blue and orange Naruto-y thing…”

“Anything is fine.” Goro stops. “Except the last one.”

“Red it is! See you in a bit.”

“Don’t ride that bike back to Leblanc,” says Goro, as if lightning might strike twice on the same day on the same man riding the same model bike of the same color, but Akira’s already hung up. Goro speed-drafts a rescheduling email, copy-pastes it to four different people, and then sprints out the office door without even a goodbye to his coworkers.

Friday, 11:16 AM

FUTABA: hey

FUTABA: hey goro

FUTABA: hey gorororororororororo

FUTABA: HEY MR AKECHI KURUSU

GORO: If it’s about the traffic accident, I heard about it.

GORO: I’m going back to Leblanc now.

FUTABA: no it’s smthg else

FUTABA: well it is about the accident but i got smthg else for u

FUTABA sent MOV19.mp4

FUTABA: ripped this from the traffic cam

GORO: Is this footage of the accident?

FUTABA: yeehaw

GORO: …Thank you for the offer, but I don’t know if I want to see this.

FUTABA: ok i hear u but i promise it’s hilarious

FUTABA: and also u might feel better if u see it

FUTABA: like idk what he told u on the phone but like

FUTABA: look the car even slowed down at the intersection

FUTABA: the dude was obeying traffic laws and everything he was doing something like ten under the speed limit

FUTABA: the car ENTIRELY missed akira

FUTABA: got the bike full on

FUTABA: and then he just rolls up across the hood and up the windshield like a looney toon

FUTABA: rip ur bike tho it just goes cronch

FUTABA: instant pretzel

FUTABA: ty bichael for ur sacrifice

FUTABA: also idk i figured you

FUTABA: might wanna see for urself that he’s okay

FUTABA: like u can see him stand up at the end and he’s not even confused or anything he’s super duper ok

FUTABA: he’s not bullshitting u over the phone and pretending he’s ok when he’s not ok

FUTABA: u know how he does lmao

GORO: …Huh.

GORO: He really did land on his feet for a whole second there, didn’t he?

FUTABA: yeah like a cat

FUTABA: it’s nuts tbh

FUTABA: and then he remembers he’s a human and falls on his ass LMAO

FUTABA: show it to morgana i want his professional kitty cat opinion on the matter

FUTABA: rate akira’s near death experience

FUTABA: also the driver was v nice and v apologetic and he gave akira his insurance

FUTABA: but i have his home address and work address and phone number and the name of his dog if you want it

GORO: Just the insurance will be fine.

FUTABA: kk

GORO: …And thanks for sending the video.

GORO: Even though I already knew he was fine.

FUTABA: you know those like

FUTABA: itty bitty teeny weeny micro dogs

FUTABA: that are like four and a half pounds

FUTABA: but they think they can take any mfer on the block out of sheer will alone

FUTABA: and theyve always got their eyeballs bulging out and they pick fights with 70 pound dogs

FUTABA: and they have only two emotions which are rage and anxiety and they shake constantly because theyre only four pounds and they have So Much Emotion and nowhere to put it so they vibrate at the speed of sound

GORO: Is this a metaphor about me.

FUTABA: it’s a metaphor about you

FUTABA: because i can hear your shaky angry anxious four pound vibrating all the way from the other side of tokyo

GORO: You are the smallest, angriest, most anxious person I know, who regularly picks fights with international hacking organizations and billion-dollar companies.

GORO: And I, somehow, am the angry shaky dog.

FUTABA: your husband got hit by a car on ur birthday

GORO: I know that.

GORO: I do not need to be reminded.

FUTABA: ah yeah

FUTABA: sorry

GORO: He’s fine.

GORO: He said he’s fine.

GORO: And from this footage, he’s more than fine.

FUTABA: he is super double extra fine with a side of fine

GORO: Unless this footage was in any way edited.

GORO: And unless he was faking his call, somehow.

GORO: In which case, I’m going to walk into Leblanc and find out that he was just pretending to be okay so he could hear my voice one last time and Leblanc will be swarming with police officers to break the news the newly bereaved.

GORO: But that’s not going to happen.

GORO: Because Akira is fine, and I’m perfectly fine.

FUTABA: im rly glad to hear my man

GORO: This footage isn’t edited, is it.

FUTABA: no

GORO: Are you very sure?

GORO: Videos are easily modified.

GORO: Would you even know if it was edited?

FUTABA: yes im a literal wizard of course i would know

FUTABA: where are u even getting this idea from

GORO: The entire series of events is unrealistic, isn’t it?

GORO: You said yourself that it was almost like something out of a cartoon.

GORO: The likelihood that someone gets hit by a car and comes out of it entirely no worse for wear is practically ridiculous.

FUTABA: i ripped that film straight from the cam it is entirely unedited

GORO: But how can you be sure? Did you see him in live camera?

FUTABA: i mean no but he texted me

GORO: What if that was his dying text.

FUTABA: i rly dont know if his dying text would have been the “i lived bitch” meme with the cat filter

FUTABA: he’s fine dude

FUTABA: that’s why i sent you the video

GORO: I KNOW he’s fine.

GORO: I’m asking if there’s any solid evidence.

FUTABA: THE VIDEO

GORO: I’m going to call him. Brb

FUTABA: so what he can tell you he’s fine AGAIN and you’ll be like

FUTABA: “oh but what if it was secretly a pod person who stole his body after he died tragically after calling me one last time to hear my voice”

FUTABA: he is FINE

FUTABA: like go ahead and call him if u want but

FUTABA: the only person who was gonna edit that footage was me

FUTABA: and if he were dead i would not be functioning enough to be doing any kinda photoshop like that

FUTABA: let alone LIE to you jesus christ!!!!!

FUTABA: god

FUTABA: i pronounce you King Shaky Dog

FUTABA: the tiniest and angriest and shakiest and most anxious four pound goblin

FUTABA: i will reclaim my title tomorrow

FUTABA: for now it’s my birthday gift to you

FUTABA: the title of Shaky Dog allows you to go absolutely apeshit and nobody will judge you

GORO: You know I hate birthday presents.

FUTABA: did you call akira

GORO: I hate birthday presents so much that I will be refusing my title as King Shaky Dog and will henceforth not be going ape shit.

FUTABA: ok so

FUTABA: i didnt mean to

FUTABA: get snippy with you or anything

GORO: It’s fine.

GORO: I wasn’t… exactly polite, myself.

GORO: So.

FUTABA: um

FUTABA: you really can call him if you want

FUTABA: there’s nothing wrong with that

FUTABA: between u and me……………………. i definitely did that more than once for a lot lesser reasons than someone getting hit by a car

GORO: My stop is in less than thirty seconds.

GORO: I will probably live.

FUTABA: lmao ok well

FUTABA: if u change ur mind about losing ur shit then please know i gave u that footage in the first place because i think if something like that happened to MY partner i would mcfreakin lose it

FUTABA: speaking of her

FUTABA: sumi says happy birth btw

FUTABA: but cuter because u know how she is

FUTABA: “happy birthday crow-senpai~~~~~~~~” in her shy voice that makes u wanna die

FUTABA: ofoogofhghhfoghfhhghfh g gh SUMI ur so cute ilysm

GORO: Tell her I said thanks.

GORO: And stop telling me how much you love her and use the ring you made me go ring shopping with you for.

FUTABA: HHHHH

FUTABA: im being cyberbullied for being a cowardly lesbian

GORO: I’m at my stop, by the way, so I’m going offline.

FUTABA: which tbh i probably deserve

FUTABA: oh kk see u

FUTABA: watch the video again mr shaky dog

FUTABA: akira is fine

FUTABA: everyone is alive

FUTABA: you are one year older

FUTABA: happy birthday goro

The bike is totaled.

Akira isn’t the sort of person to dump a piece of trash right in front of Leblanc, but it’s hard to miss sticking out of the nearby public trash bin. The back wheel has exploded into serrated wheel-spokes and limb rubber bits that Akira’s shoved into the trash as best as he could. The body of the bike is crushed in on itself, exposing its sharp hollow innards; the handlebars resemble a badly-tied knot. The front wheel is left to stick up and out, creaking gently, spinning overhead from half a hinge like a head not quite fully severed.

The cafe is empty except for its usual barista who, of course, is a very normal and mild-mannered barista, who has nothing to do with the several hundred millions worth of dollars of repatriated art hiding in the attic en route back to South Korea. That would be illegal, of course, and Akira Kurusu-Akechi has never once in his life done anything illegal in the name of what’s morally right. “Welcome back, dear,” says Akira, and hangs up a coffee mug to dry, and it’s so normal that Goro is convinced that either he’s experiencing yesterday, or maybe he’s re-experiencing the year 2016 all over again, or maybe Akira really is dead and this is just his ghost.

Goro sits in his usual spot at the bar. Same chair, sixteen years later. Unbelievable. Maybe Goro’s giving him a little bit of a dumbfounded look, because Akira tilts his head, leans across the bar, and pecks Goro on the cheek.

“Where’s Sakura?” Goro asks.

“Having his midday old man nap. So,” says Akira, looking pleased with himself, “either we can close Leblanc for an hour and raid the kitchen and make lunch, or we can close Leblanc and go out and have a fancy lunch. Your choice because I already made dinner reservations and we’re doing those no matter what.”

Goro really means to give him an answer, because Akira really does love Goro’s birthday every year and never fails to pick someplace nice for the day, but instead what comes out of his mouth is: “Did you ride the new bike back home?”

“Yeah, I did. Figured I might as well take it for a test drive. It’s a good bike.”

“Why didn’t you take the subway?” Goro says sharply.

“Didn’t have my card.”

“You just rode the bike all the way across Tokyo?”

“It wasn’t all the way across Tokyo, just a bit away and back… Goro?”

Ah, Goro’s going to become one of those people who has a meltdown any time their loved one gets on a plane or a train or ksomething else associated with heebie-jeebie nonsense magical thinking. Great. Fantastic. God dammit.

“Do you really want me to go to the ER?” Akira asks eventually.

Goro really wants Akira to have never gotten hit in the first place, but people don’t get what they want and sometimes the universe decides to send one bad fucking driver through a red light and take away Akira’s entire life in a split second—one mistake, a coincidence at the wrong place and time, and the boy who fought God and won is a smear of bones on the pavement.

This would be different if it were sixteen years ago, and Goro had the power to bend people’s minds in half until they broke, or dive into the deepest, bloodiest parts of the collective psyche and pummel the worst of them to a pulp—but what’s he going to do here? Lambast a guy who was going ten miles under the speed limit and just wasn’t looking the right way? Is he going to summon a new Persona from his soul and undo time itself?

Can he do anything if the universe decides, one day, that Akira’s time on this earth is up? He spent all those years desperate for power, and then abusing that power, and then desperately guilty for having abused that power, and then desperately trying to get up that power, and now here he is with the power to do jack shit when his husband almost gets run over and if the Metaverse were still around he swears he would have carved Loki from his own soul out of sheer fury alone—

“No,” says Goro sharply, and stands up. “It’s nothing. I’m not hungry, and I’m going for a walk. Please don’t text me unless it’s an emergency.”

“What—hey! Goro, wait, wait—”

“I’m getting some fresh air!”

Akira’s scrambling to get out from behind the bar. “Didn’t you just get here—?”

Goro spins around and points a finger at Akira like it’s his fault: “You were the one,” he snarls, “who promised, when we got married, that we’d always be together. And now you get hit on a bike, and then stand up like it’s nothing and—and get on another bike and go cycling around the exact same streets where you got hit—? Aren’t you scared? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

Akira falls silent. “I didn’t go back to the same intersection,” he says at last.

Goro can’t take this. “I’m taking a walk.”

“Wait wait wait, Goro, just—” Akira grabs Goro’s hand and Goro has the sudden urge to yank his arm away, but Akira’s hand is also incredibly real, just like it felt this morning and yesterday and the day before that and all the days Goro ever took Akira’s living, breathing body for granted. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. He was going, I dunno, twenty miles per hour at most. It was an intersection. He’d slowed down beforehand and everything, and I didn’t even get hurt on the fall.”

Right, because Goro’s the one who’s just freaking out for no reason. Right. Okay. Because that’s how he is, isn’t he, always being dramatic over little things. Right. Of course. This is fine.

When Goro doesn’t turn around, Akira moves around to the front to look him in the eye. “Sorry if I made you worry,” says Akira. “But it was really nothing at all.”

“Maybe it was nothing this time,” says Goro forcefully. “But what about the next time—the next car��the next time you borrow my bike? What about tomorrow? Or the day after that? Literally any one of the hundreds and hundreds of days coming up where you could easily die just as easily as you died today.”

“Then I’ll escape death hundreds and hundreds of times,” says Akira.

Goro scoffs.

“I mean it. I was a Phantom Thief, wasn’t I? I escaped death more than once. Did it again today. I’ll do it as many times as it takes until we’re both old and grey.” Akira takes Goro’s hand, but it’s Goro who laces their fingers together.

“Sometimes it doesn’t work that way,” says Goro, like a bad echo of his ten-year-old self, trying to figure out what kind of world would let his mother die.

“I’m just keeping my promise,” says Akira. “I told you that I’d never leave you. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Sometimes that’s not your decision to make.”

“It is and I’ve decided I’m immortal until you die.”

Goro scoffs. “Don’t be arrogant.”

“Is it being arrogant? I didn’t let death steal you away from me. I’m not letting it steal me away from you, either.”

“Sometimes…” Goro begins.

“'Sometimes’ what?”

'Sometimes’ what?

Sometimes things get worse. People die early, and unfulfilled; they streak through the sky in a blaze and then wink out, without even a burst of fire to show for it. Sometimes nobody gets a say in what happens, and plans don’t pan out, and wishes aren’t granted, and everything happens for no good reason and no good end.

Today, Goro Akechi-Kurusu is thirty-four years old, about sixteen years older than he ever figured he was going to be. He has a career in a non-profit for maladjusted youth getting reacclimated to school systems and preparing for college, instead of the career in law he figured he’d have if he actually lived that long. He doesn’t just have one friend, but multiple friends. He has, unbelievably, a husband, which honestly still floors him to this day, considering that he was and maybe still is convinced that marriage is a scam devised by asshole men like his father to manipulate young women into a false sense of security. The other day, Akira mentioned that he wanted to get a cat to keep Morgana company, maybe in a few years when they moved into a pet-friendly apartment, and in Goro’s head, it made sense that they would both be alive and together entire years in the future for them to get a cat.

Today is already an impossible day, isn’t it?

“Sometimes,” says Goro flatly, “you say ridiculous things, and I think that you could actually pull it off.”

Akira grins. Akira leans in for their regular greeting kiss when one of them comes home, but this time, Goro closes his eyes, leans into it, really tries to memorize the feel of Akira’s lips on his. Every line and scar on his hands, the odd ends of his fingernails, that familiar way he waits for four beats, then takes a breath through his nose and kisses Goro again, and never can quite seem to avoid kissing him more on the bottom lip than the top. “I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” he says plainly not three inches from Goro’s face. “It’s bad form to leave a calling card and never show up.”

Goro smiles. “Then I won’t let you break your word.”

When Akira pulls away, he kisses the back of Goro’s hand, like a proper gentleman thief of old. “Happy birthday, dear,” he says, and surprisingly, despite the way this awful day started off, Goro thinks that Akira might be able to pull that promise off, too.

#clouis-loumentine #mine #I TRIED RLY HARD TO WRITE YUKAMITSU but it wasnt happening im sry #please take this apology akeshu instead #also yall have no idea how much self control it took for me to write this oneshot instead of #'goro akechi goes bald at age 24 and akira reassures him he still loves him even tho he has shido's hair genes'#honestly i shouldve done that

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lassieposting · 5 years ago

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Do you have a HC on angel/demon bodies in the Lucifer universe? Like, it seems that the goddess never her own physical body based on what Maze said about when she was in hell. And we know that demons possess humans, but do you think they have their own bodies as well? If they have their own do they leave them behind when possessing? Do you think Maze’s form is her own or did Lucifer allow her to possess a recently deceased human so that she could accompany him to Earth? What about angels?

oh my god i have so many thoughts on this i dont even know how to structure this post, literally this is me rn

post under the cut because yet again this bitch be ramblin

ok so, starting with the celestials

GOD

I’m not gonna elaborate too much on God, because I’m in the middle of writing a fic which elaborates on how I see his body/physical shape working and it would spoil a twist. But a few non-spoilery thoughts:

- God and Goddess are completely different species, from different universes

- God is - as far as he knows - the last of his kind. The universe he was born in was destroyed by a massive war; his species are naturally peaceful and he had no part in it.

- His species are immensely powerful; he can cross between universes with ease as an adult, and the ability to create universes is a species talent, not an individual one. They can all do it. They live for billions upon billions of years in deep space, so that’s how they pass the time.

- He’s naturally telepathic. Goddess is not at all, and the angels inherit this from him but only to a very minor degree - they can sense when another angel is in the area, but can’t actually perceive one another’s thoughts.

- He doesn’t originally look like us. Not in the slightest. But changing his shape is very easy for him, and he is capable of “modifying” his own internal biology, so he can and does choose to take a human shape - having hands with which to manipulate objects is useful when you’re no longer living in deep space, and being able to communicate verbally is useful when you’re the only major telepath in your (very large) family.

GODDESS

- Goddess does have a solid, physical form, and she actually has our basic shape too. “Two arms, two legs, a head and a body to hang them on” is a popular evolutionary route in her native universe.

- Humans and demons, however, don’t have the right eye equipment to see her properly. Humans see in three dimensions, demons in one or two more, but neither species has enough perceivable dimensions or colours to actually make sense of Goddess’ true form. We see her as a blur of light, because that’s all of her that’s visible to us. We’re actually only able to see like, 30% of her and it makes our brains freak out some.

- Lucifer knows this, but neglected to mention it to Maze when she was torturing Goddess in Hell. He did nothing to defend her when God kicked her out, because he’s smarting over her abandoning him, but at the end of the day she’s his mom and he loves her. He’s the only one in Hell who can see her properly and interact with her physical form, and there’s no way he’s going to actively participate in his mother’s torture.

THE ANGELS

Now, I believe “canon” says that the angels were created as adults, but fuck that, because baby angels.

- The angels were created with wings, but they don’t get their first feathers until they’re toddling, so they’re like weird little naked birds for a bit.

- They moult every few hundred years while they’re still growing, and they don’t get sharp primaries until they have their adult feathers. Once they’re fully grown, they won’t moult again, but they’ll grow new feathers if the ones they have fall out or are damaged.

- No one actually knows how long their lifespans are. No angel has ever died of natural causes. But they’re long. The angels Chloe knows are archangels, the oldest, and even though they’re physically full-grown adults they’re barely out of celestial puberty. Tom Ellis plays Lucifer as having the emotional maturity and worldview of a teenager. Amenadiel is the overtired early-20-something having to live away from home for the first time.

- Their abilities are genetic - they were born with them and have a chance of passing them on to any nephilim they create - and they start manifesting around the toddler stage.

- The toddler stage is fun, actually. Way worse than the terrible twos for humans. Their first set of feathers come in which is itchy, they’re teething, they can talk enough to be defiant, they’re climbing up/falling off everything, their powers start developing, they’re clingy, and the tantrums are spectacular.

meanwhile, in hell

in my headcanon, hell is home to three classes of demons:

ELDRITCH DEMIGODS

- the oldest, most dangerous and rarest creatures in Hell. They did not create the dimension Hell is located in, but they did shape the landscape and were the original rulers of the dimension.

- the original users of what demons call magic. lucifer learned some of this during his time in hell - illusions, levitating his pentecostal coin, his desire ability, the fine art of binding someone with a deal and get yourself out of any situation with a loophole.

- the eldritches feature prominently in my fic but have absolutely nothing (as far as I know) to do with canon - the only reason I’m including them here is because my personal headcanon is that Lucifer’s angelic gift is his light. His “hypno eye thing” is something he learned while he was in Hell. he wasn’t lying with what he said to chloe - it’s a gift from a god, but not a gift from his father, god.

HELLBORN DEMONS

- these demons have no human DNA at all.

- they’re older than the lilim, and more physically powerful, but they’re less adept at magic (glamours, for example) and mind games.

- hellborn demons look nothing like humans. they might not be bipedal at all; leviathan is a giant sea serpent. spines, extra jaws, multiple sets of teeth, a ridiculous number of limbs, too many or too few joints, no eyes at all, exoskeletons etc are all perfectly normal demon traits.

- those that have eyes are red, yellow or black. my hc of hell is inspired by the very deep ocean though, so it’s just as common to have no eyes and a superior sense of smell, or electroreception, or sonar, instead.

- they can learn to glamour, but they still wouldn’t look right. there would be something subtly off about them, something in the mind of any human looking at them screaming at them to run. they’re the basis of those horror stories where someone looks just a little wrong; they don’t blink enough, or seem to have too many teeth, or they walk wrong.

- they’re more durable than lilim demons. short of a celestial, an eldritch or a bomb, nothing stops these fuckers. they can come back from insane injuries that would absolutely kill most life forms. if you leave one critically injured but don’t finish it off and make sure, chances are it won’t die. it’ll crawl off and recuperate and come back for you later.

THE LILIM

- the lilim are the descendents of lilith and, as such, they have human DNA. the closer their link to lilith, the more human they appear - maze, for example, is almost entirely human in appearance except for one half of her face. the more distant the link to lilith, the less human DNA they have, and the less human they appear.

- really common lilim traits: claws, fangs, scales, horns

- almost all lilim have the human body shape and facial features arrangement, so they’re bipedal with two eyes, a nose and a single mouth. yellow, red and black are all pretty standard demon eye colours, but lilith’s eyes are white and her children tend to inherit them. the more diluted her blood gets, the less likely a child will have her white eyes.

- with practice, the lilim can glamour their demon features and pass undetected among humans, unless they choose to reveal their real face. their physical strength, speed and heightened senses remain the same even under a glamour.

- because of their human ancestry, lilim demons don’t need to possess a dead human body. but it’s a lot more convenient. to leave Hell in your own body, you need to a) leave through the front gate and b) have a way of generating enough energy to shunt you across the divide between dimensions. for maze, this was lucifer; he carried her out of Hell. but she can’t return (or get out) without him. God, Goddess or any of the eldritch abominations would also have that level of power.

- plus, like. with a dead human body, you can take as much damage as you like or commit as many atrocities as you fancy and just change your body when you’re done. you don’t need to be careful of injury or worry about sustenance. and you don’t have to compete with anyone else in the same head, which is a vast improvement over possessing someone living.

#lucifer on netflix #lucifer on fox #mazikeen smith #lilith #lilim #lucifer in hell #nonsense headcanon rambling #these are subject to change depending on where the fuck this monster fic takes me #i rewrote this four times anon im sorry it took so long #lucifer headcanons

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sim-borg · 5 years ago

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right, its complain about sims 4 time

i just watched a simmer erin video about how broken the game is and she made Several Points the only thing is, i know for a fact that sims 4 is never going to get fixed its not going to make EA any money so they won't do it. instead they'll just milk us for more money until the game is so bloated with content and they're ready to move onto sims 5 im very attached to sims 4 because i spent my money on it, so despite sims 5 coming i wont move onto it until its got a lot of content in it (and also i learned my lesson. i will be pirating lmao) the only solace i get is that whether i spent money or crimed sims 4 it would still be unplayable so at least theres that the problem is, definitely, that the sims team is too small and too temporary. lemme make some Points

1. EA is a capitalist company. theyre only going to do shit that will generate maximum profit. where did that billion that the sims 4 make go? directly into the higher up's pocket

2. nothing is going to change because EA doesn't give a shit. the only thing that would make them fix their business practices? if there was a mass strike among devs across multiple games/franchises. however, devs are unlikely to do that because their livelihood is at stake. they make good money, and aren't willing to give that up. i dont blame them for that. there's just too much hesitance and risk for such a mass strike to happen unless EA does something really shitty like wage cutting, mass layoffs, or crunch, similar to what happened with Telltale.

as an aside i had to pause my rant to find out what game company just went under lmao took forever but yeah it was telltale

3. speaking of the sim gurus, i also can't blame them that much for sticking with a shitty game. they probably have little choice and are making the most of it, making the best of what they can with what resources that EA gives them. by that i mean they'd prefer not to rock the boat and risk losing their job. its a competitive world out there for creatives wanting to work full time on a big project such as the sims. if they left it might take them a while to find a position with the same amount of creative control and leadership roles, aside from starting an indie game, which is HARD AF on its own. Of course they'll get defensive over something they think they worked hard on, even though the outcome is.... less than stellar.

not that we shouldn't keep criticizing them though. unfortunately the only way players can *try* to get their complaints across are through the sim gurus. EA wont hear directly from us

4. lots of the teams working on packs are temporary and on contracts. they simply aren't as motivated to put their heart and soul into the game. again, they are also just employees, and temporary ones at that. to them its just another job on the rotation and they're only looking to get paid. they're only looking to get by and dont care much about what happens after their contracts are up. this is not their fault. EA has the money to hire people full time, and to encourage better quality control and passion for their work. but they dont, why? because that's too much accountability for such a shitty company. I can bet you my game that they don’t have a permanent team dedicated to bug fixing.

5. the people who are permanently working on the game arent given enough resources to work on bug fixes (which players seem the most concerned about right now) but only given time to work on stuff that will generate immediate profit. the problem with the sims games (over all!! not just s4) is that they aren't built to last long. so EA is just killing time right now. they aren't concerned about how much money they'll make from the game once its run its course. all you need to do is look at sims 3 for proof of that.

6. my theory is that the vast majority of sims players arent "gamers" and they arent avid players. it may seem like, on twitter, on tumblr, youtube or the forums that there's a lot of players who have lots to say about the game. i dont think so. sims and simulation games are generally seen as "not real games" and "casual games". i think most people arent as dedicated to this game as people think. the majority of money that EA makes off sims 4 are the kind of people who noticed that the sims basegame was on sale/free. they are the kind of people who only play "casual" games for a small portion of their time and dont really care about the problems it has. they are always very silent about the issues that dedicated players have with EA and the game, and honestly dont play it very much. I had a brief conversation with my coworkers the other day about this, and they didn't seem to be aware of the game's issues, just oh yeah, “i bought the sims and played it for a bit”. I think a big portion of the profits come from players like that and parents gifting games to their kids, who don’t have critical thinking yet. but thats just a theory.... a gAmE tHeOrY

on a happier note my favourite manager made us all in the sims because he missed us. hes my only valid manager and thats because we are both gay. solidarity.

#anyways im just going to go play SDV now #i welcome thoughts but honestly this was just a vent and ramble lmao

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hircmi-blog · 5 years ago

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╰ 𝗦𝗔𝗡𝗔 𝗠𝗜𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗢𝗭𝗔𝗞𝗜, 𝗖𝗜𝗦 𝗙𝗘𝗠𝗔𝗟𝗘, 𝗦𝗛𝗘/𝗛𝗘𝗥. hiromi 'mimi' nakamura. twenty-two. heiress/tattoo artist. her family is using her tattoo shop to launder money for a local cartel. glitter smudged underneath your eyes, trading whispers in a dark room, and biting into an apple just to realize it's rotten.

backstory ! (drugs tw)

originally hailing from tokyo, japan, the nakamura’s are legacies. coming from a long line of business men on her father’s side, they were old money even before hiromi’s father and uncle started what would eventually become a multi-billion dollar energy company.

nakamura industries grew and grew faster than anyone could have predicted. not wanting to miss an opportunity, the nakamura’s packed up and made the move to los angles california exactly a year before hiromi was born.

turns out they weren’t as prepared for the move as they thought /: one bad investment and the loss of a substantial amount of money later, hiromi’s uncle is the one who made the decision to get help from some more than shady business partners

in return for saving nakamura industries, these new business partners only had one condition: the nakamura’s would have to find a way to help launder money for their cartel. the task had seemed easy enough but as the years passed they only got deeper and deeper into criminal activity. there was a lot of secrecy surrounding the nakamura name because of this, as well as a lot of whispers from other people questioning their success, but nobody could prove anything illegal was going on

she’s the middle child! she has three older siblings ( two brothers and a sister ) and one younger brother. there was a lot of pressure for her older siblings, especially the boys, to take over the family business one day so their upbringing was a lot tougher than hiromi’s and her younger brother’s was. because of that there was a bit of a strain in their relationships, and hiromi was really only close to her younger brother growing up.

all the nakamura siblings led very elusive lives. since they were all aware to some degree of their family’s involvement with the cartel, they all learned to keep people at a distance and not to talk about family with anyone which kind of translated into making it hard for hiromi and her siblings to really make what felt like real friends ):

not to make her a cliche middle child but....she really was ignored ??? for the most part like her parents loved her and stuff but it was obvious where their priorities and where their attention went. when she was little it made her sad but the more she grew up she kinda just accepted it as the way things were and just used the fact that they weren’t breathing down her neck 24/7 to her advantage

which is why she got really good at finding that validation and attention she wasn’t getting from her parents elsewhere as she grew up (whoring around), and got even better at talking herself out of trouble. turns out she had a talent for words, for knowing when to drop her last name, and knowing when to shut up and bat her eyes. being reckless like this was her own secret rush. she knew it would be dangerous for herself and her family if she ever got into any real trouble, but the possibility of it was so addictive she really couldn’t stop.

what started out as simply partying turned into a full blown addiction. she was out clubbing almost every night, close with just about every bouncer in beverly hills, always going wild but she made sure to keep her stunts within the four walls of the clubs she frequented. at home she was back to being careful, but when she was alone away from her family she could be whoever she wanted

becoming a tattoo artist had always been something hiromi had wanted to do, so when her parents said for her 20th birthday they’d buy her her own shop, she didn’t turn their offer down. turns out their intentions had little to do with making her dreams come true and everything to do with the fact that they needed another business where they could launder money through. her tattoo shop would become one of many businesses the nakamura’s owned or co owned (some others being a hotel, a strip club, a restaurant and even a hair salon) purely to keep their promise to the cartel

not wanting the fact that she had her own shop to be completely spoiled, hiromi agreed to let her parents launder money so long as she herself didn’t have to be directly involved. they agreed and she went on pretending like nothing was going own although the thought is always at the back of her head

she managed to build up a good rep for herself though thanks to social media!! being in beverley hills her clientele naturally ended up being a good mix between everyday people, social media influencers, models, and even a couple of actual known celebrities o: now that she has her own actual business she’s tried to keep her wild side in check, but temptation is everywhere!

personality + tidbits !

she goes by mimi, never hiromi. sometimes people call her hiro or romi, but mimi is definitely the most popular of all her nicknames and what she uses for all her social media.

she’s kind of hard to get to know /: not in the sense that she’s purposely cold or rude, but she can come across as intimidating or detached a lot because it takes her a while to open up to people. even with those closest to her she still struggles, often keeping a lot of personal stuff to herself in a way that gets frustrating when people who care about her see her upset but refusing to open up about it. shes the type of person you can know for years only to realize you barely know anything about her

when she’s partying with you, though, that’s the easiest way to become her friend!!! another reason why she likes to abuse things like party drugs and alcohol as often as she does is because they make her feel a lot more open and receptive to making real connections

she has a bad habit of seeking validation from others, which mostly manifests as her being overly sexually promiscuous to the point where shes kinda dependent on being desired as a way of feeling good about herself </3

not a very good influence.....like....at all DWJDJWDJW will 100% be the person egging you on in situations where she should really be doing the opposite.

she’s just generally....ambiguous with her morals because of the way she grew up. being as impulsive as she is, she can come off as selfish sometimes just because stopping and considering the consequences of her actions isnt something she usually does

but she tries for those she’s closest to! she values her friendships a lot more than she probably lets on. vulnerability isn’t her strong suit at all but shes working on it /:

shes also the worst at keeping plans or showing up to things on time like JSBJDWBJDW this bitch is always disappearing if you want her to show up to anything you better drive her there yourself

she loooooves tattooing her pals she’s always trying to sweet talk people into getting more tats! if you know her though you know you better not be getting your tats elsewhere or shes gonna be big mad

deadass the type to be like no i dont hold grudges (: but then subconsciously hold that resentment in and lash out even though she said she’s over something.....shes a scorpio JSBDWJBDJWBJDWBDJW

she has a habit of buying friends ridiculously expensive things even the most mundane gifts (like a bottle of wine) always end up costing a ridiculous amount of money and its never on purpose she just gravitates towards the finer things in life and she doesnt even realize

this shit is so long ive been doing this for hours JSBJDWBDJWBDJW i hate intros bc my charas always change once i start writing and rping but thats fine now we all have a base <3333

sum connection ideas

sexy plots period. exes, fwb, ex fwb, enemies with benefits, whatever ! whore rights !

angsty plots period...ex friendships </3 enemies </3 everything i listed above ...

sad plots period! unrequited love mayahps ? idk man im just spitting words

some cute ones too though we love balance.....give me best friends 🥺 maybe someone who can be a good influence on her....some cute crush shit....sibling like friendships <3333

ppl she tattoos, a roomie?, ppl she goes clubbing with, maybe someone she used to go clubbing with but stopped bc one night they were out something bad happened o:, idk what else i really tried JSDBWBDJWBDJWBDJWBDJW

#tags tba #god finally...

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thebritishblabbermouth · 6 years ago

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Jungkook Fanfiction- BTS Mafia AU

Heyya :))

@atricksterwithwings requested a beautiful BTS mafia au, and I loved writing this for her. I’ve split it into three parts. Scroll down for the first and for the link to the latter.

A/N: I’ve mentioned Zhang Yixing in this fanfiction aside from the other BTS members. Its totally okay if you dont know who he is...although you probably do, he’s like such a popular sheep ;) Find information about him here .

Tell me your thoughts on this fanfic, Id love to receive any sort of feedback on my work and I totally think that likes and reblogs are recognition too :) Have fun reading, I know I really enjoyed writing this :) Its like 12 pages long on a word doc...idek anymore xP Jungkook is gorgeous. :)

Also...there is cursing in this, mention of the mafia from different nationalities and part two and three are rated M (its smutty xP) Reader discretion is advised if any of these things bother you.

Lots of love :) <3 - Enjoy :)

PART 2

PART 3 (final)

Jeon Jungkook stood at the 77th floor of Euphoria, the headquarters to the largest crime syndicate east of the Pacific Ocean. The height was dizzying for most, but not for him.

Jungkook had no fears; or so was assumed.

The man himself, was built at an impressive 6 feet and constituted of raw muscle, protein and a rather cynical approach towards life. Outwardly, the leader of the most legal crime syndicate was cold, intimidating and the type to burn you to ashes with a glare from his heated eyes.

Inwardly, he was exactly the same.

He was well aware of the effect he had on his employees, men and women who knew exactly of his affiliation with the Japanese Yazuka and the Italian Camorra yet pined to work under Jeon, the sheer power of his company bringing everyone to their knees with respect.

Euphoria was a giant.

It had dealings with government run telemarketing firms, banks, real estate agencies, alongside finance and technology markets. An easy way to convert money earned through extortion, gambling and trafficking to its pure and pristine form. The corrupt politicians whose elections he had funded didn’t complain. No one cared where the money came from and no one dared to ask otherwise. The cause of the founder’s formidable aura wasn’t a secret. Everyone knew how he had been tortured by his father, abandoned on the streets by a mother who seemed to love Heroin more than her own son. The story had been plastered all over the internet, and Jungkook would never deny reading through its many exaggerated versions. They were entertaining and did well to remind himself about how important money and power were, without those weapons, he too would be sitting in a room, writing about a life that belonged to someone else.

Materialism was reality and wealth- it’s currency.

~~~~~~~~~~~

‘’Sir, your coffee…’’ you said, walking through the office doors, a skip in your stride. There was no knock. No hint of awkwardness, no aspect of fear in the way she spoke. If anything there was the undertone of coercion, almost coaxing the man to leave his billion dollar thoughts in the gutter and focus solely on the warm drink.

Your playful extortion had worked, he was focused. Just not on the coffee.

Three months ago, Euphoria had issued an internal opportunity- PA to Jeon Jungkook. The post received 3 applications from his 20,000 employees. Min Yoongi, his chief of finance and operations took to appointing the least qualified of the bunch, a woman- aged a mere 22 years. The pitch to his ever frightening boss had been simple. ‘’You’ve let down 30 men in the last 6 months. I am done handling my job as well your shit. Those Harvard lunatics are too busy tending to their stupid resumes and I don’t have time for the garbage they throw at me when you fire their sorry arses. You’re settling with the woman, she’s got sick parents to feed- she won’t give a damn for ego as long as you pay her on time.’’

Jungkook could only snarl at the curses, the audacity of the man to speak in the way he did. Anyone else and they’d be lying in a pool of their own blood within seconds of the first word spoken against him. But Min Yoongi couldn’t be touched and this was a fact.

Jeon Jungkook was putty in the hands of his elder brother.

Today, he sent thanks to his sibling, for his aggressive outburst and daunting approach. You were priceless and the best decision ever- professionally of course.

He gave no reply to your request, not even a glance spared in your direction as your placed the drink onto his desk. There were just a series of footsteps, the man walking over to his maple work table, ready to do as he was told.

You had no idea of the prerogatives you held, and at that point, neither did him. The slight tease in your voice had mellowed down completely- replaced with the air of innocence and obeisance. Jungkook groaned at the sight.

‘’So I was thinking…it’s Christmas Eve tomorrow…and well…’’ you said... Shuffling your buckled black heels.

‘’You aren’t leaving early.’’

His abrupt command had no thought behind it. Other than the fact he couldn’t let you out of his sight for more than a few hours, often paging you unnecessarily just to make you think of him.

He doubted you ever would if he didn’t.

‘’I am not…my parents are flying in tomorrow…it’s a small get together at my place with a few colleagues. I figured since you didn’t have anything planned…you could join us?’’

Your apprehensive feet clicked across the hardwood with anticipation, the weightlessness behind your request holding the air in a trance.

‘’You’re my personal assistant, not event manager. You do not handle my private affairs so don’t think for a second that I care about your stupid Christmas dinner or the family I saved from crumbling.’’

It wasn’t what he had intended to say. Rather, his mind had flourished a thought he needed to keep locked away. He wanted to tell you that he’d love to join your family, share potato salad and amusing anecdotes across the table... All the while pressing his hand into your thigh- a subtle promise of sinful satisfaction later that night. But he wouldn’t dare to voice his feelings. You didn’t need to get involved with his shit, the scars that graced his back or the life full of gluttony and gambles he had chosen to lead. It was compulsion, to remind you every second of every day that the apartment which he bestowed upon you just 3 floors below his office- was a gracious boon, a gift given to improve your petty life. You had to be reminded of your father and how had been released from Jail after almost overdosing on the crack he had envisioned to peddle. Jeon Jungkook had to remind you of how ugly your tear stained face looked as you begged on your knees- begged for him to save your family.

There was simply no other way.

If you weren’t reminded, you’d crawl your way into his heart and sit there- encasing it completely.

He was just a damned moth to your flame.

‘’I know…and I am trying…I am trying to repay you. Please. Come over. I won’t waste your time.’’ You said. The words articulated with a purpose, were laced with meaningful sorrow but you couldn’t help the small smile that graced your lips.

He hadn’t declined.

Jungkook noticed how your full lips turned upwards, noticed how you had bent your head downwards, trying to hide your amusement. He knew he hadn’t said no, he knew inside the pits of his soul that was going to attend. Your reaction publicised his private notions completely.

It wasn’t hard to hate you.

Rather, it was the easiest thing in the world. His life had been built upon layers of lies, fear, judgement and mistrust. You tore everything apart with one look. He despised the hold you had over him, envied your purity and tried his best to tarnish it with his own two hands. Even if it meant burning your entire persona to ashes. He was well aware of the impact his audacious remarks on your large heart, knew just how much you wished to throw your small fists at his chest in rebuttal- he could see it in your eyes. But he knew you’d never break.

‘’Get out. I don’t have time for you.’’

Fuck.

Why couldn’t he just say no?

Probably because the thought of abjuration had never once crossed his mind.

~~~~~~~~~~~

11 pm saw him standing at your door, a bouquet of Lilly’s in his hand. The flowers had almost wilted away. What the hell was he doing? Why was he even here? There was no noise from behind the oakwood and why would there be?

Your offer had been for dinner, not a midnight snack.

He wasn’t going to come, prove you wrong and act smug about the ordeal. However he had shown up, at 7 pm, flowers fresh and suit prim. Ready to tap onto the door and shimmy himself into you…your apartment. But his confidence dropped as he heard your laughter, it was beautiful, natural and something he had never experienced before.

Jeon Jungkook had never made you laugh, but had every thought of hearing you scream.

It wouldn’t have mattered to him if you were any other woman, but the lack of knowledge frightened him, made him think there would be another man who would have the pleasure of witnessing both sounds.

Every. Single. Day.

His heart beat erratically, edging him into a state of worry and insanity. What the fuck was wrong with him? It would be a complete lie if he said he hadn’t just stood in front of your door for 3 hours, praying he didn’t hear sounds of men. The silence at 11 pm provided comfort and he walked away, only after dropping the Lilly’s inside the vase at your desk.

You had been pleasantly surprised the next day, and you knew exactly who they were from. The flowers- drained from their pretty colour -were beautiful nonetheless and you couldn’t help but run your hands over their soft petals.

They were perfect- just like him.

~~~~~~~~~~

‘’See that guy over there…he’s checking you out hon.’’ Lisa, the American-Chinese intern, stirred her tea at an exceedingly sluggish pace. Her eyes were glued onto the 27 year old accountant who stood in the corner of the room, photocopying his work and humming to himself. She’d been a temporary employee at Euphoria Inc. for a bare 3 weeks but had done well to pair 4 couples with her self-praised matchmaking skills.

3 of said relationships had broken up within 24 hours. And thus, It was only natural that her impeccable track record attracted many an employee to her small cubicle, ready for her to set them up with dates and one night stands.

It seemed that you were her next target.

You sighed and turned to look at Jamie. He was tall, considerably well-built and had this collegiate boyish charm to his appeal, his long-slightly raven locks sat faultlessly over his glasses.

The image was so immaculate it made you uncomfortable.

However in your opinion, the man on the 77th floor was nothing short of perfection. His ruffled hair didn’t need to be waxed and placed as it were; it fell naturally and it made you want to run your hands through it. His rugged and damaged personality sheltered his otherwise kind heart and you saw right through the vile facade. You didn’t hope for him to change. Didn’t hope for him to suddenly become a goofy cheeky soul; the kind who would sit and chat with his workers.

You loved the man as he was. A little broken but a hell of a lot confident.

‘’Lisa…I don’t really want to date him…’’ You mumbled, eagerly emptying coffee beans into the machine.

She laughed at your reply and peeled her eyes away from the man. ‘’Who said anything about dating love? I just said he was checking you out.’’

It was hard not to grimace at her words but as crude as they were you had to smile politely. Offices were run on brutal honesty and cut throat depositions. There was no room for pleasantries or hospitality and any that appeared were a courteous formality. You hurried in your steps and brewed the concoction with ease. It was 8 am and he required his morning fix, even though he never actually asked you to prepare it. You had just finished placing his black on the tray and had turned around to deliver it when a firm body crashed into yours, spilling the brew all over your clothes and the floor. The heat burned through your blouse and scorched your skin, it had been hard to not curse at the pain but you dealt through it, eyes shut tight in response.

‘’Oh my gosh! I am so sorry!’’ said the voice. It was a man, sharply handsome, his cheekbones were protruding and you were sure his skin glowed. It didn’t take long to recognise him.

Kim Taehyung.

He had been a prospective fiancé, from a year ago.

From a time when you had no viable job, no future and the money the Kim Family offered in exchange for your hand in matrimony, had been a welcome surprise to your household. They were staunchly against same sex marriages and Park Jimin had been banned from their home with immediate effect. The marijuana had inflected your otherwise gentle father and he had agreed in seconds to the proposal, not once considering your opinion. You had declined Taehyung in private, and he had hugged you in thanks. The man was humble and docile in more ways than one, and his heart had been taken years ago- by none other, than his childhood piano teacher. There was no way Taehyung would’ve agreed.

‘’Tae!’’ You screamed, surprised yet elated at the discovery.

‘’Hey there fiancé. Glad to know you remember me…but really, why do we always meet in the worst of situations.’’ He walked over to the counter as he spoke, grabbing up as many napkins as he could find. His gentle hands took to patting at your chest, handing you the tissues while doing so and it didn’t take long for to dry up your blouse.

‘’I thought you’d be more respectful than that. Letting your fiancé walk into my building and displaying yourself open for the man. Tch Tch…I guess a lowlife is always a low life no matter what her circumstance.’’ Jeon Jungkook stood against the door, leaning onto it with a posture that screamed indifference. But in all reality, Jungkook was seething.

The small Glock tucked into his suit was ready to fire and destroy Kim Taehyung and maybe even leave a flesh wound inside Jamie the accountant.

However in that minute, his primal desire had been to destroy you. How dare you hide the news of your engagement? How dare you wear that damned pastel pink blouse to work, and let another man touch you so unabashedly? How dare you smile when you saw your betrothed? He hated you for everything.

And he hated himself for falling for you.

‘’And who the hell is this Joker?’’ Taehyung turned around to look at Jeon, the tissues in his hand soiled from the spillage. He had been invited to the corporation by Min Yoongi, a dear friend who had promised him help with TaeMin Designs, an upcoming entrepreneurial, founded by his beautiful husband. It didn’t occur to him that he’d meet you, but he was pleased that he had.

You were wonderful.

If it hadn’t been for your confidence, he would have never proposed to Jimin, never left his awful family and never been as happy as he was now. He owed you his life and his prosperity.

‘’Tae…he’s my boss. I’ll talk to you later. Please. I’ll call you hmm?’’ you tried your best to nip the fight in the bud. Taehyung was cool headed but an agitated version of the man could lead to the emergence of fists and blood. You were lucky he understood your pleas, and he grunted towards Jungkook while exiting the room, the daggers leaving his eyes were filled with venom and anger.

‘’I’d like you to pay attention to your job. Not to every single man out there. Why don’t you just do as you’re told? I don’t care what you do and who you do it with when you’re out of here.’’ Jungkook straightened himself against the wall and pocketed his hands. He told himself he enjoyed watching your eyes brim, told himself that his anger was justified. But god knows how much he wanted to cradle you and whisper apologies until you were forced to believe them.

‘’Let’s keep your sluttish acts away from the office hmm?’’

It was a harsh blow, enough to cause the first tear to slip from their confines. Why did he have to behave like that?

Why did you have to love him regardless of the way he did?

~~~~~~~

‘’How long is it going to take you leave? It’s pretty simple. Take the bag to KM Constructions, drop it there and leave. What’s so hard? '' Jungkook’s anger had sky rocketed ever since the incidence in the cafeteria and he didn’t even understand why he was asking you to be a bag drop. Never once in a career spanning 6 years had he ever made a woman a part of a deal. But it seemed that you were an exception with everything.

‘’I am just leaving Sir.’’ You said, buttoning up the grey pea coat.

He noticed how inappropriately dressed you were, how feminine and vulnerable. He knew how lecherous men could be, knew it wasn’t safe. But annoyance clouded his senses and he threw the thoughts away. It was simple enough, no interactions. You’d be fine.

If only he knew.

Part 2

Part 3

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im-the-king-of-the-ocean · 7 years ago

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Presenting a story I kinda want to write when I don’t have like a billion other stories to write

Or that time I put all the pieces I have for a Barbara and Nomura get married scenario together in one massive story au thingy.

Based off/combining the Paris ficlets where, in an au Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) is an old friend of Nomura’s and the Luck post/ficlet I shared last night, which goes over my headcanon for a Barbara & Nomura marriage.

So in an au where Gunmar is defeated but Trollmarket is still intact, Nomura and Barbara get together and eventually decide to get married.

They do it basically 2 separate times. Once in Arcadia’s courthouse to satisfy human customs and once in Trollmarket. The Trollmarket wedding is more of a big celebration and the courthouse is smaller, more private (few people are invited to it - this is going to be like super important in a second) event.

So Diana Prince (Wonder Woman) is an old friend of Nomura’s, who wants to congratulate Nomura, celebrate with her, etc. except bc she’s not a part of the Arcadia crew she’s not invited to the wedding itself. This kinda ticks her off, but she shrugs it off and instead gives Barbara and Nomura a fully-paid vacation to Paris for their honeymoon (on the condition they come visit her at the Louvre).

Barbara and Nomura accept the gift so Diana calls in a favor with Bruce Wayne to have them flown overseas in his personal, private (super luxury) jet.

For literally no reason at all other than I like him Alfred is on the jet with them (to make sure nothing goes wrong I guess with the whole “complete strangers on the private jet and one of them technically could have counted as a villain at some point” thing).

Alternatively Bruce is just like fuck it and flies them to Paris in some kind of Bat Plane thing while also dressed up as Batman.

Either way Barbara is confused as shit and Nomura just rolls with it cause she once knew everyone.

An idea I’ve had at the back of my head for a while is that during this whole honeymoon thing, Barbara and Nomura get kidnapped for ransom by Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, who are trying to either steal from a) Bruce Wayne b) the Louvre (ok honestly if I go with this thing it will probs be option b, dont know how that works with the ransom part but whatever).

Anyway, Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn figure out that Barbara and Nomura are just trying to enjoy their honeymoon and try to make up the whole kidnapping thing by taking them out for a girls night type deal thingy.

So Nomura and Barbara have a girls night out with Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn and it’s actually kind of fun for all of them.

The next morning they get breakfast/lunch with Diana, but something happens and Diana has to reveal herself as Wonder Woman and Nomura and Barbara have to help stop a crime (maybe committed by Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, that could be a fun connection).

So there’s a whole episode where no one expects Nomura or Barbara to be able to fight (cause who the fuck are they anyway) and then Nomura shifts to her troll self and kicks ass and Barbara by now has training or something (or she just finds a random functional blender) and kicks ass too.

so that happens.

anyway after all this Barbara and Nomura are able to have a relaxing honeymoon in Paris

but Barbara texts Jim at some point he believes absolutely none of her telling of her Weird Paris Adventures cause what the actual fuck mom are you sure you met a bunch of superheroes

so yeah I kinda wanna write this mess at some point when I don’t have like a lot of different stories to do stuff write like edit and write and stuff you know

#trollhunters #barbara x nomura #harley quinn and poison ivy #diana prince #lots of sapphic-ness going on in paris #crossover au #marriage au #barbmura

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resconarchive · 7 years ago

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prinxess's rescreatu rant

Hey all (+Riyo), it's prinxess. I found this blog today, which naturally means I spent the next 5 hours flipping through the archive lol. This was supposed to be a short post but plans never go as expected (Warning: this is LONG). If you know me, you’ve probably seen me try to talk about this stuff in the SB—which rarely goes well, haha. I’m going to word vomit on three main things: Res’s “first come, first serve” issue, Staff/ShoutBox Culture, and my own mistakes.

This isn’t Voice of God. I’m just a flawed 20-year-old who feels compelled articulate her thoughts at least once somewhere.

I accept responsibility for what’s written below.

1. Early Birds Get the Worm

Nice names are Res’s lifeblood. The aim of the game is to accumulate as many as you can. It didn't start out that way but that’s what it's become; it's human nature to want what your peers want. We enjoy having valuable things—the proof is in the pixels. But LOL good names are now worth 1B tu? This is why people are so upset with the site. If you made an account in 2006, quickly hatched three creatu named Diamond, Emerald, and Sapphire, and didn't log in again until now, your account would be worth more than someone who joined a year ago but has put in hundreds of hours into the site.

1B is pretty abstract, so I'll offer a cold splash of in-game reality. 700M = $100

Many of Rescreatu’s issues writhe around one malignant crux: its “first come, first serve” groundwork. Meaning, if your account isn’t old enough to be sent off to grade school, then you are out of luck. With everything. If you weren’t there when you could fish tier-1 names from the Atquateen Forest, if you weren’t there during the mass graveyard purges, if you weren’t smart enough to buy valuable names en masse for cheap from naive tweens 8 years ago, you’re out of luck. Unless Mr. Moneybags disembowels him/herself into your hands, you will never measure up to the sheer wealth of a select few old users (Gunmetal, Fleur, etc).

The visible wealth disparity is unreal. It’s kind of cute—there’s this ritual where when a newbie appears in the SB, older users flood them with tu and lovely creatu because they know baby bambi can’t make it on their own in modern Res. But what about the invisible users? The 99% who never set foot in the SB? Imagine you’re twelve, creating an account for the first time. You’re given XYZtu (aka not enough) to start off with. Hatching pets is fun. You like finding clothes for your avatar in the trash. A while later, you become interested in buying more creatu, so you fiddle around with the Creatu Search. And... you realize that the only good rwns are in the 20M+ range.

Actually no—a few weeks ago, a user called prinxess went through the entire directory, cleaned out most lower-priced RWNs, and stuck them in her shop at mark-up. But hey, she left “Blisters” and “Introspective” for you.

There’s nothing to do on Rescreatu except lord your cool names over other users. Nothing else... except... wait. Isn’t the Kir Quest about colors, not names? Which brings me to my next point. Years ago, blondes were worth 700k, and albinos 3M. Players back then threw these cheap creatu at Kir and rode the Uldavian Express to higher Rounds at mach speed (there are 5 Rounds now. each need an additional 120 creatu/points to access). Nowadays, albinos are no longer stocked in ranchers—period. I’m talking chimbies and meragons, not even seasonals. To use myself as an example, I restarted Kir a month ago (I was only at 25 points, Round 1). I’ll be the first to admit I wasn’t being 100% efficient with my tu, but within a few days, I managed to add an additional 23 creatu to that number. At the cost of nearly one billion tu. 95% of which went towards beans.

If you’re a newbie with a dream of earning a Cyancu Nest, you need to give Kir 180 creatu total. That isn’t just hard—it’s straight-up impossible. From a cost/benefit standpoint, if you do not already have a substantial amount of Kir points, do not touch the Quest. Instead, buy the prize shop items from other users.

Because, let’s do some math. 180 (creatu) x 7,800,000 (price per bean) = 1,404,000,000tu.

I swear on every god out there that, overall, you will not just be spending 7.8M per creatu.

Cyancu eggs are selling for 500M each/1.5B for a nest, pretty close to that mythical 1,404,000,000 number. Just buy the egg.

A staff member once told me, “The Kir Quest is supposed to be hard.” Fair enough. The original purpose of the Quest was to fix Res’s overpopulation problem. Make higher colors valuable again. But now we’ve swung hard towards creatu extinction. The fix is relatively simple. Have Kir ask for blondes/albinos less often. Or increase the likelihood of hatching colors. Should be a simple coding tweak.

Side-note: With beans having become an integral part of Rescreatu’s ONLY real continuous Quest, why are they still cash shop items? People love to tout “but the site needs money to run”. How about put out a better product instead of squeezing users with Stockholm Syndrome/a gambling addiction out of more pennies? Actually, not pennies, it’s serious cash. The next promo is $100 for 3 retired CS eggs—a promo which was supposed to be in December, but moved because the higher ups thought users would be too strapped for cash during Christmas.

2. Staff/Culture

Hopelessness makes the newer users leave. Staff corruption poisons the rest. I’m not involved in current Rescreatu politics, but in the past it absolutely was a thing. Even with generally loved and respected staff members.

I don’t want to disclose too much information, but since I’m old and weary, I’ll say that (without asking for it) a substantial boon was thrown my way because I was friendly with a member of staff. They are still highly regarded within the community.

14BM was unabashedly shady. One day, I announced I was selling a name on the SB and got in touch with a buyer. During our back-and-forth rmailing, 14BM rmailed me to say one of us had “accidentally hit the report button” which pointed her to our conversation. She warned me the other user was ripping me off, and that she could give me a better offer. Not very professional behavior, in my honest opinion.

Way back when, BillyBob was abusing glitches.

A name appeared in anon-staff’s Showroom one hot second after the person it belonged to was banned for “using a bot to find eggs.” Anon-staff had previously asked if they’d ever sell the name and they had said no. Shady.

Real talk. A staff member told me they don’t even care if you use bots, just as long as you don’t find enough seasonal eggs to ruin the market. I think anything above 40 is considered suspicious. Nevermind if you actually have no life and want to search for eggs for 48 hours straight.

There were way more corruption incidents, but those were so long ago I barely remember them. As for current staff, I can’t speak for them. Honestly, I can’t tell who most people are anymore because of all the username switching lol. There’s this ridiculous implicit rule of “don’t ask what someone’s username used to be” around Res. Like hello? That makes no sense. Not only do they retain their unique pets, but really, if someone hated you, a simple change of username isn’t going to make them suddenly forget who you are. Similarly, the whole idea of a new username being “a new start” for the user is frankly hilarious. Especially when you act no different.

That’s unfortunately just the start of my issue with Res’s “nice” culture. I’ll call it by another name: suck-up culture. It’s this omnipresent force of saccharine sweetness that’s nearly alive from how many people are hooked up into it. Plenty of users are genuinely nice, I won’t knock that. But damn, when a staff member/older user/wealthbag comes on the SB? It’s a vicious competition to prove how close they are are with that member. Immediately, there are “glomps” and “huggles” and “we’re married!/best friends” as if they actually give a shit about the other person. You do not. I know you do not. Everyone knows you do not. You’re just trying to get free things—and hey, it’s not a bad move, since those users are generally the gifting type. Oh. The cringiest thing is when a fan gives a popular user a cheap present, so the popular user will feel obliged to give them something in return—hopefully a better something. Machiavelli must be rolling in his grave.

This sugary behavior has somehow infected staff as well. I find it doubly disgusting because I can’t even call them out on it.

“<3 oh sweetheart, just so you know, what you’re doing is called spam. [link to rules] please take a look!! :333 ^_^”

“ *pops in* haiiiii guys, sorry to bump in but could you please take this convo to rmail? :3 *hugs* squeeeee <333 *hopes you dont hate me* ”

Like, fucking Christ. I can feel their phantom arms around me in my sleep. Can anyone speak normally anymore? Does everything need to be qualified with butterflies, sunshine, and overtures of love?

Back to the subject of staff... that issue is multifaceted. First, it’s a weirdly cyclical thing. Notice how newly chosen staff are almost always friends with current staff? I don’t believe I’ve ever seen some anon that’s never visited the SB become staff purely on merit (save for artists/programmers). But I could be wrong. Anyway, users inducted into staff are usually already one of Res’s wealthy elite. I can only speak for the trend I’ve noticed over the years, but A LOT of people become staff as a status symbol. Some also do it because they’re invested in the site and want to make it better. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. You can want to help while liking the boost in popularity at the same time. The real issue with staff is how they are compensated. Getting paid in credits (cash points?) actively increases the wealth disparity in the site. There’s a difference between giving someone 100 dollars versus a handful of credits. If someone handed you a hundred dollars, would you use it for rent or on some virtual name tags? Without this choice, staff are essentially forced into one course of action: buy credit shop items, put these items in their merchant shop, sell them to users, rake in tu. Or just sell cp for tu.

Rescreatu doesn’t use their staff properly. I’m referring to writers and artists. There are hundreds of wearable items available, but dressing up an avatar to look forum-fancy isn’t the purpose of a pet site. It’s a nice feature. But I didn’t join Rescreatu so I could play dress-up, I joined for the pets, for the battle arena, for the story of it all. Writers, I feel, are the most wasted of all. Does anyone actually read the stories in the books? Does anyone buy books, even? Res should take their talent and invest in proper story lines. They have six writers right now. Come on. Put up a good kidnapping site-wide story involving Xoria and Loyna. Get a competition between Scria users and Reiflem users going. Maybe the story could be Quest-style, with the users voting on how the story moves with their tu. Do something!

...Because this site also needs a tu sink. Desperately. Contrary to popular belief, the Kir Quest isn’t a tu sink, it vacuums money up to the top dogs of Rescreatu. You buy 10 beans—where are you getting these beans? More than likely, it’s from a staff member selling 70 of them in their shop. IRL right now there are 4 users selling beans: Feather x34, Isolation x30, Umbreon420 x1, Phos x36. Nothing against these users—in fact, I like them, but do you notice a trend? What do staff do with all this tu? They buy names at premium prices because they can afford to.

Q: Wait, prinx. If you just paid real money, you could have lots of tu too! A: My honor code forbids me from validating freemium games

Q: But, prinx. Why don’t you just become staff? A: I tried when I was 13 but they didn’t accept me ): Probably for good reason.

It’s shocking that the stock market hasn’t been removed/tweaked yet. It shouldn’t be possible to buy 50,000 stocks of FAS for 400k on Sunday, and sell that for 20M one week later. This is another reason why names are considered the real currency on Rescreatu. Their value increases along with the inflation. It’s the only safe investment you can make.

3. Me

So, my long-winded rant is out of the way. Above, I mentioned I’d like to apologize for myself, so here I go. For context, these past few months I’ve been trying to get rid of my RWNs through forum auctions. In the latest thread, I stuck in an umbrella clause basically saying that I reserved the right to pull whatever bullshit I wanted, which I used, without warning, to tack 1.2B Autobuy options to the names. Half my reason was I was being egged on by a friend to do it. Half was because I just didn’t care. Never in my wildest dreams did I even imagine one person would actually go for it, let alone 3. When I opened the thread the morning after, I felt dread. My actions understandably upset quite a few people. I acknowledge that what I did was unprofessional. I regret it, and I’ve learned a valuable lesson.

In general, I’ve spent my recent years on Rescreatu being rude and abrasive. Trying to tie 14 year old staff in logic knots, picking at overly sensitive members, engaging trolls, the works. I’ve been throwing angsty melodrama around like glow-sticks at an EDM concert, and it isn’t fair to the newer members who have no memory of Res’s past.

This post clocks in at 2.5k words. The only reason I’ve written so much is because Rescreatu means/meant so much to me. For all its faults, Res somehow just works. Maybe because it encourages addictive behavior. Maybe because of the community. Whatever it is, it’s helped the site escape multiple waves of peril that would’ve killed any other. For that it deserves some applause.

If you want to contact me, rmail me or email me at [email protected]. I don't bite

Peace.

#rescreatu #submission

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tyleroneillblogs-blog · 6 years ago

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Milking the money cows in Farmville

Gaming was once associated with card and board games. You know, moving the pieces in real life. Currently the online gaming industry is reportedly worth $134.9 billion seeing a 10.9% jump from the year prior showing an increasing trend in the amount of new noobs picking up the controller.

I am no stranger to online gaming, being a century long veteran myself i would say i know my way around the online gaming space. That is why i find this topic very close to heart and can speak highly of online games and the many priceless experiences it has gifted me. However we are not going to touch on online games such as Call of Duty and Fortnite as they do a lot of things right and dont annoy me nearly as much as a notification for a silly Facebook game. Outside of dying to horrible players online, nothing creams my corn more than Facebook games.

It seems Faceboo is trying to be the complete alround internet platform having anything you could ever want at your disposal; news, pages, hashtags, livestreams etc. The only area they seemed to have not delved until recently was gaming. Facebooks unique social games allow users to advance and progress in the game through recommending the game to their friends. These notifications go viral with requests coming in left and right until you inevitably download the game and start.

But how do Facebook make money off this?

Im glad you asked.

Micro-Transactions have exploded in popularity in the past 5 years, with almost every modern game that gets released will be bound to have them as they r so successful. Even fully developed games are opting to start at a staggering $0.00 price tag due to the increase likelihood of gaining a user base. Having a player base so large obviously increases the chance that people will throw a couple of dollars down on an in game green party hat, take Fortnite for example bringing in 2.4 billion dollars entirely funded by micro transactions.

youtube

So whats this got to do with Farmville?

Facebook adopted these same strategies and created a free game that was frequently advertised on the platform with a progression system that required the game to go viral. Through attaining millions of players and offering micro transactions in game Facebook used a highly complex equation that allowed them to make an obscene amount of money quickly.

More players = Better chance of bringing in $$$

These games have a lifespan of about 45 mins but when one dies another one comes in and takes its place, same as the illicit drug market. To some, these games are nearly as addicting as some of those substances sold on the street. Although the players experienced great joy in receiving a token this was all at the expense of the person getting this notification and being really annoyed.

Opening up Facebook after 2 hours, in Farmville’s prime I personally would come back to AT LEAST 8 notifications and upwards of 15 messenger requests from people i haven't spoken to since primary school. This is not connecting its just annoying, but hey i mean Facebook are still making outrageous amounts of money and we are just the sheep who follow them.

(Hope you enjoyed the excessive farm references)

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wheessus · 8 years ago

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Rules: Once you’ve been tagged you have to answer these truths about yourself and tag 25 people!

Tagged by @hobisu (i miss u)

MOST RECENT:

Drink: water

Phone call: a close friend

Text: a friend

HAVE YOU EVER:

Dated someone twice: i think

Been cheated on: haha yeah

Kissed someone and regretted it: oh hell yeah

Lost someone special: let me cry brb

Been depressed: *pulls my anti-depressants from my school bag*

Been drunk and thrown up: nope

Fallen out of love: yea

Laughed until you cried: like a billion times

Met someone who changed you: yeah

Found out who your true friends are: yeah again

Found out someone was talking about you: yeah..was shitty

Kissed anyone on your fb list: hahahahaha shit yea

How many ppl from your fb list do you know irl: like almost everyone

Do you have any pets: my brothers

Do you want to change your name: nah

What did you do for your last birthday: spent the night at a friend’s with my best friend..drank for the first time..got a chocolate cake and lots of chocolate and like 2 cute gifts..watched a horror movie...went swimming and CUDDLES

(damn that was a nice day)

What time did you wake up today: 9:16 am

What were you doing last night at midnight: watching tv w mom

Name something you can’t wait for: graduating uni

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i dont think so

What’s getting on your nerves right now: everything..

Blood type: mom is o dad is ab so i’m a or b

Nickname: rimi

Relationship status: i’m ugly and have finals in 3 weeks... (you guessed right, single)

Zodiac sign: cancer

Pronouns: she/her

Favorite TV shows: weekly idol cause literally the only tv show i watch

Long or short hair: counts as short

Height: 1.69/170 cm

Do you have a crush on someone: yea

What do you like about yourself: everything

First surgery: that throat thing

First best friend: i’m not sure

RIGHT NOW:

Eating: nothing

Drinking: nothing

Listening to: the middle east - deep water (great great song)

WANT:

Kids: if i am stable enough to have kids..yes..maybe one..

Get married: i’m not sure..if i find THE person..yes

Career: writing, film making, a café..

WHICH IS BETTER:

Lips or eyes: eyes (lips are a close second)

Hugs or kisses: both

Taller or shorter: both

Older or younger: idk

Romantic or spontaneous: spontaneously romantic

Sensitive or loud: loud

Hookup or relationship: relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: rroublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER:

Kissed a stranger: no

Glasses/contacts: glasses

Had sex on the first date: kinda

Broke someone’s heart: yeah

Turned someone down: yeah

Cried when someone died: shit yeah

Fallen for a friend: it’s been years and i still refuse to admit that i had/have feelings for her

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

Yourself: kinda

Miracles: nah

Love at first sight: nope

Heaven: yea

Kissing on a first date: yea no problem

Tagging: actually the only person i’ve been talking to on here tbh @deathbyjung

#p #i'm a loser lmao

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printzillionbills1send1percent1 · 8 years ago

Conversation

SEND$1% OR $10MILLION FEE OR I TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEY$ BACK FOR TAKE$ MY MONEY$ POOR PASTOR LOVES YOU EVERYONE HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH GIVE$ CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE TOO MANY TIME I GET REAL MADS.EVERYONE THANK$ GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,JESUS,ANGELS ME SHOW$ YOU THE WORLD HOW TO BECOME RICH GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY ZILLION TRILLION BILLION MILLION DOLLAR BILL$,BANK$,GIFT$,LAND$,FARM$,FOOD$,STUFF$,WORLD PEACE FOREVER,FOOD$ STAMP$,BIG SMART CITIE$,BUSINESSE$,COMPANIE$,I LOVES CARE$ FEED$ GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE PARADI$E PAY$ EVERYONE MONTHLY BILL$ WELFARE$10,000 FOREVER ALL PRETTY SINGLE LADIES COME HOUSEPARTIES FUCKS LIVE TAKE CARE ME BRING PRETTY FRIENDS 1LBS EACH PARTY DRUGS E PILL,CRACK,WEED,COCAINE,MOLLY JU$T CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ DONT HAD TO GO WORK$ NOMORE STAY HOME FUCKS HOU$EPARTIE$ FOR LIFE BBQ LICKS PUSSY MAKES LOVES MAKES YOU HAPPY$ DONT BE MEAN CHEAP$ GREEDY$ WITH GENEROU$ ME SAD$.IT NOT YOUR MOUTH GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE MONEY$100ZILLION$,ZILLION TRILLION BILLION MILLION DOLLAR BILL$,BANK$,WORLD PEACE FOREVER,PARADI$E PAY$ EVERYONE MONTHLY BILL$ WELFARE$10,000 FOREVER,FOOD$ STAMP$,GIFT$,STUFF$,LAND$,FARM$,FOOD$,BIG SMART CITIE$,COMPANIE$,BUSINESSE$.I LOVES YOU EVERYONE SHOW$ YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD HOW TO BECOME RICH GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY 1% PUT$ IN WORK$ IT NOT YOUR MOUTH GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE MONEY$100ZILLION$ DONT LIE$ ABOUT MONEY$ 1% PUT$ IN WORK$ ONCE RICH HAPPY$ GIVE THANK$ SEND$1% OR $10MILLION SERVICES FEE TO SUPPORT$ FEED$ MY FAMILYS OR I GET REAL MADS I WILL TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEY$ MONEY$ BACK FOR TAKE$ MY MONEY$ TOO MANY TIME I GET REAL MADS RIGHT NOW.DONT BE UNGRATEFULS MEAN CHEAP$ GREEDY$ WITH GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME MAKES US SAD$ I WILL TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEY$ BACK YOU THE WORLD DONT GIVE$ GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME NOTHING YOU THE WORLD DON'T CARE FOR US YOU THE WORLD DON'T LOVE GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME IM NOT HELPINGS YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD RICH FOR FREE CHARGE SERVICES FEE 1% PUT$ IN WORK$ ONCE RICH HAPPY$ GIVE THANK$ SEND$1% OR $10MILLION SERVICES FEE JU$T CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ PRINT$ ZILLION TRILLION DOLLAR BILLS GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ WRITE$1ZILLION$ IN DEPOSIT SLIP ONLY DEPOSIT IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ TURN THAT INTO MONEY$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ YOU DONT HAD TO BE GREEDY$ LIE$ CHEAT$ CHEAP$ MEAN TAKE$ MY EACH OTHER MONEY$ NOMORE.YOU TAKE$ MY MONEY$ POOR PASTOR LOVES YOU EVERYONE HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH GIVE$ CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE TOO MANY TIME I GET REAL MADS I WILL TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ OUR MONEY$ BACK WHAT GO AROUND COME AROUND THE TOWN EVERYONE GOD ANGELS NEAR LIKE AIR HITS YOU TAKE$ MONEY$ BACK BRING$1% OR SEND$ MY 1%MONEY$ TO ME OR I GET MADS I WILL TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEY$ BACK FOR TAKE$ MY MONEY$ TOO MANY TIME IM REAL MADS RIGHT NOW.IM A POOR PASTOR HELP$ YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE YOU EVERYONE GIVE THANK$ SEND ME $100 SERVICES FEE TO SON NGUYEN 3834 SAN MARCO DR.STOCKTON,CA.95212 EVERYONE RICH GET TO START A HAPPY$ FAMILY WITH THE ONE THEY LOVES JOYS HAPPY$.EVERYONE RICH JOY$ HAPPY$ DON'T HAVE TO GO WORK$ NOMORE STAY HOME HOU$EPARTIES GET HIGH$ FUCKS BBQ WORLDWIDE RICH HAPPY$.THE TOWN PRINT$ ZILLION TRILLION BILLION MILLION DOLLAR BILL$ OPEN BAR CLUB CASINO RESORTS EVERYWHERE WORLDWIDE ENJOY$ LIFE PARTIE$ GO PLAYS PARTIE$ SHOP$ SPENT$ LOT MONEY$ HELP$ ALL BUSINESS INCREA$E$ WORLDWIDE RICH HAPPY$.I HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE ALL PRETTY SINGLE LADIES LIKE ME PLEA$E COME PLAYS HOUSEPARTIES MAKES LOVES LIVE WITH ME BRING PRETTY FRIENDS MORE FUNS KISSES FUCKS LICKS PUSSY BE GOOD BOYFRIEND TO YOU DONT HAD GO WORK$ STAY HOME HOU$EPARTIE$ LICKS PUSSY MAKES LOVES MAKES YOU HAPPY$ MY HOME PARADI$E@3834 SAN MARCO DR.STOCKTON,CA.95212 CALL ME (209)561-4018 SO WE COULD PARTYS FUCKS HOU$EPARTIE$ FOR LIFE JOY$ ENJOY$ BBQ.ALL PRETTY SINGLE GIRLS I HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$ $100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE YOU COME HOUSEPARTIES FUCKS LIVE WITH ME TAKE CARE ME BRING PRETTY FRIENDS 1LBS EACH PARTY DRUGS E PILL,CRACK,WEED,COCAINE,MOLLY JU$T CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ DONT HAD TO GO WORK$ NOMORE STAY HOME FUCKS HOU$EPARTIE$ FOR LIFE BBQ LICKS PUSSY MAKES LOVES MAKES YOU HAPPY$ DONT BE MEAN CHEAP$ GREEDY$ WITH GENEROU$ ME SAD$.THE WORLD EVERYONE ALL DRUG USER$ DEALER$ LEGALIZE$ PRINT$ MONEY$ ALL PARTY DRUGS HELP$ ALL BUSINESS INCREA$ES WORLDWIDE RICH SOLVE$ LOT KILLING$ CRIME$ PROBLEM$.I HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE GIVE THANK$ SEND$100 SERVICES FEE NOW COME HOUSEPARTIES BRING$ PRETTY GIRLS WINE WHISKEY PARTY DRUGS E PILLS,CRACKS,WEEDS,COCAINE,MOLLYS GET HIGHS WITH ME SMOKES WEEDS CRACKS WITH ME TAKE E PILLS MOLLY SNIFF COCAINE WITH ME I LOVES GET HIGHS JOY$ HAPPYS.I HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE SEND$10,000 SERVICES FEE FEED$ MY FAMILYS COME HOUSEPARTIES BRING$ PRETTY GIRLS COGNAC 1LBS EACH PARTY DRUGS E PILL,CRACK,WEED,COCAINE,MOLLY JU$T CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH PRINT$ ZILLION TRILLION DOLLAR BILL$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH WRITE$1ZILLION$ IN DEPOSIT SLIP ONLY DEPOSIT IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ TURN THAT INTO MONEY$ GAIN$ MORE MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$.IN GOD WE TRUST THANK$ GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,ANGELS,ME GIVE$ LOT REAL MONEY$ TO EVERYONE LEGALIZE$ PRINT$ MORE MONEY$ HELP$ ALL BUSINESS INCREASES WORLDWIDE RICH SOLVE$ LOT KILLING$ CRIME$ PROBLEM$.I HELP$ THE WORLD RICH EVERYONE GET$ APPROVE FOR ALL LOAN$ CAR HOUSE LOAN$ CREDIT CARD$ HELP$ ALL BUSINESS INCREASES WORLDWIDE RICH JOY$.EA$Y HELP$ EACH OTHER RICH FEED$ EACH OTHER SEND$ ME EACH OTHER $10MILLION$ JU$T CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ WRITE$1ZILLION$ IN DEPOSIT SLIP ONLY DEPOSIT IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ TURN THAT INTO MONEY$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH PRINT$ ZILLION TRILLION DOLLAR BILLS GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ DONT HAD TO BE GREEDY$ LIE$ CHEAT$ CHEAP$ MEAN DO CRIME$ KILL$ TAKE$ MY EACH OTHER MONEY$ NOMORE.IM A PASTOR LOVES TO GO ONLINE MEET FRIENDS DATINGS WORK$ PREACH$ ONLINE ONLY IS POOR NO MONEY$ TO GET HIGH$ BUY CAR GO PLAYS PARTIES SHOPS.IM A POOR PASTOR WORK$ PREACH$ HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH FOR MONEY$ NOT FOR FREE.NOONE IS PERFECT ONLY GOD IS PERFECT.ELECTRIC CAR SOLAR FREE ENERGY RENEWABLE ENERGY SOLVE POLLUTIONS PROBLEMS NOMORE WAR$ OVER OIL.EVERYONE THANK$ GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME LET$ THE WORLD EVERYONE PRINT$ ZILLION DOLLAR BILL$ BUILD BIG SMART CITIE$ OPEN COMPANIES BUSINESSES WORLDWIDE RICH PROFIT$ HAPPY$.EVERYONE THANK$ GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME GIVE$ LOT REAL MONEY$ TO YOU EVERYONE ALL GOVERNMENT$ EVERYONE EA$Y CALL TELL YOUR BANK WRITE$100ZILLION$ IN DEPOSIT SLIP ONLY DEPOSIT IN YOUR,MY,EVERYONE BANK ACCOUNT$ THE BANK ACCOUNT$ ALL GOVERNMENT$ BANK ACCOUNT$ TURN THAT INTO MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ PRINT$ ZILLION DOLLAR BILL$ RICH HAPPY$.ALL POLITICIAN$ EVERYONE EA$Y CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$100ZILLION$ IN YOUR,MY,EVERYONE BANK ACCOUNT$ THE BANK ACCOUNT$ ALL THE GOVERNMENT$ BANK ACCOUNT$ PUT AUTOPAY$ YOUR EVERYONE MONTHLY BILLS WELFARE$ FOREVER YOU DONT HAD TO GO WORK$ NOMORE PARTIE$ HOU$EPARTIE$ BBQ.I LOVES SHOW$ GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE $100ZILLION$ HELP$ ALL BUSINESS INCREASES WORLDWIDE RICH HOUSE,CAR,MEDICARE,ELECTRIC PG&E,WATER,INTERNET,CABLE,PHONE ETC.BILLS.WELFARE$ FOR EVERYONE THE WORLD $10,000 PER PERSON PER MONTH $11,000 50YEAR OLD OVER RETIRE PARADI$E YOU DONT HAD TO GO WORK$ NOMORE PARTIE$ HOU$EPARTIE$ BBQ.ALL POLITICIAN$ EVERYONE EA$Y CALL TELL YOUR BANK GIVE THANK$ SEND$ YOU ME ALL POLITICIAN$ EVERYONE $100BILLION AND SEND$ YOU ME ALL POLITICIAN$ EVERYONE $10,000 PER MONTH FOREVER.ALL POLITICIAN$ EVERYONE EA$Y CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$ MORE MONEY$100ZILLION$ IN YOUR,MY,EVERYONE BANK ACCOUNT$ THE BANK ACCOUNT$ ALL GOVERNMENT$ BANK ACCOUNT$ PRINT$ MORE ZILLION DOLLAR BILL$ GAIN$ MORE MONEY$ PROFIT$ RICH HAPPY$.ALL POLITICIAN$ EVERYONE EA$Y CALL TELL YOUR BANK WRITE$ MORE MONEY$100ZILLION$ IN DEPOSIT SLIP ONLY DEPO$IT IN YOUR,MY,EVERYONE BANK ACCOUNT$ THE BANK ACCOUNT$ ALL GOVERNMENT$ BANK ACCOUNT$ TURN THAT INTO MONEY$ PRINT$ MORE ZILLION DOLLAR BILLS GAIN$ MORE MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ YOU DONT HAD TO GO WORK$ NOMORE PARTIE$ HOU$EPARTIE$ BBQ.EVERYONE THANK$ GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME LET$ ALL POLITICIAN$ EVERYONE LEGALIZE$ PRINT$ ZILLION TRILLION BILLION MILLION DOLLAR BILL$ DEPO$IT AT THE BANK RICH HAPPY$ PARTIE$ HOU$EPARTIE$ EVERYONE ALL POLITICIAN$ GIVE THANK$ PRINT$ ME 1%MONEY$ PRINT$ ME BILLION DOLLAR BILL TOO WASTE PAPER ONLY DONT BE MEAN CHEAP$ GREEDY$ WITH GENEROU$ SAD$ SEND$ ME BILLION DOLLAR BILL OR I GET MADS I WILL TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEYS BACK FOR TAKE$ MY MONEY$ TOO MANY TIME I GET REAL MADS WHAT GOES AROUND COME AROUND.EVERYONE THANK GENEROUS LOVINGS GOD PRESIDENT AND ME PASTOR GIVE$ REAL PEACE TO THE WORLD FOREVER.EVERYONE GIVE THANK BY EASY CALL TELL$ THE WHITE HOU$E TELL$ ALL WORLD POLITICIAN THE WORLD OUR FARM HOME BELONG TO CREATOR GOD ONE NATION UNDER GOD WORLD PEACE FOREVER.WE DONT NEED SOLDIERS,TANKS,WARSHIPS,WARPLANES,CHEMICAL WEAPONS,NUCLEAR BOMBS NOMORE NOMORE WARS.RECYCLE WARSHIPS,TANKS,WARPLANES,CHEMICAL WEAPONS,NUCLEAR BOMBS.EVERYONE GIVE THANK EASY CALL TELL$ THE WHITE HOU$E TELL$ ALL GOVERNMENT$ TELL ALL SOLDIERS GO HOME TO THEIR FAMILYS REUNITED WITH THEIR FAMILYS JOYS HAPPYS.THANK$ GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME HELP$ ALL GOVERNMENT$ RICH ALREADY PRINT$ ZILLION DOLLAR BILLS SEND$10,000 TO YOU,ME,EVERYONE PER MONTH FOREVER PRINT$ MORE ZILLION DOLLAR BILLS GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ PA$$ OUT LAND TO THE PEOPLE BUILD BIG SMART CITIE$.THE WORLD PRINT$ ZILLION DOLLAR BILL$ BUY USA BIG HEAVY MACHINERY EQUIMENTS TO MAKE YOUR OWN FOODS BIG CITIE$ PROFIT$ WORLD RICH PEACE FOREVER PARADI$E.THE WORLD DONT NEED LOT PEOPLE GO SCHOOLS WORK$ COMPUTERS DO ALL THE OFFICES WORKS FOR US MACHINERYS MADE FOODS THINGS WE USE FOREVER PARADI$E.EVERYONE WHOEVER DONT WANT TO GO WORK$ COULD STAY HOME STAY ON WELFARE$10,000 PER MONTH PER PERSON FOREVER PARADI$E.EVERYONE RICH JOY$ HOU$EPARTIE$ FUCKS BBQ WORLDWIDE RICH OPEN BAR CLUB CASINO RESORTS EVERYWHERE WORLDWIDE PARTIE$ FUCKS.I HELP$ YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD PUTS IN LOTS WORKS FOR THE WORLD ALREADY PUTS IN LOT SERVICES FOR THE WORLD ALREADY YOU EVERYONE GIVE THANK$ SEND ME $100 SERVICES FEE GIVE ME A CAR.IM A POOR PASTOR WORK$ FOR GOD PAY$ ME WELL TELL YOU THE TOWN SEND$100 SERVICES FEE PRINT$ ME BILLION DOLLAR BILL TOO SEND$ ME BILLION DOLLAR BILL IN MY DREAM FOR HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH ALREADY GIVE$ LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE.YOU WHOEVER DISRESPECTS DONT LISTEN$ TO GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD MAKES GOD SADS GOD ANGELS EVERYONE THE TOWN HITS YOU TAKE$ YOUR MONEY$ FOR DISRESPECTS LOVINGS GOD CREATOR OUR PARENT SADS GOD TAKE$ MONEY$ BACK.DONT BE UNGRATEFULS MEAN CHEAP$ GREEDY$ WITH GENEROU$ LOVINGS GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,ME SAD$ BREAK OUR GENEROU$ HEART$ HURTS OUR FEELINGS IM NOT HELPINGS YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD RICH FOR FREE CHARGE SERVICES FEE IT NOT YOUR MOUTH GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE MONEY$100ZILLION$ 1% PUT$ IN WORK$ ONCE RICH HAPPY$ GIVE THANK$ SEND ME $1% OR SEND$10MILLION SERVICES FEE TO GENEROU$ LOVINGS PASTOR SON NGUYEN 3834 SAN MARCO DR.STOCKTON,CA.95212 PLANTS SWEET FRUIT TREES EVERYWHERE WORLDWIDE PARADI$E.I HELP$ YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY EVERYONE TELL$ THE TOWN GIVE THANK$ PRINT ME $1%MONEYS PRINT ME BILLION DOLLAR BILL TOO WASTE PAPER ONLY DON'T BE MEAN LIE$ CHEAT$ CHEAP$ GREEDY$ WITH GENEROU$ ME SAD$ SEND ME BILLION DOLLAR BILL SEND$1% OR SEND$10MILLION SERVICES FEE OR I GET MADS I WILL TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEY$ BACK FOR TAKE$ MY MONEY$ TOO MANY TIME I GET REAL MADS WHAT GO AROUND COME AROUND THE TOWN EVERYONE GOD ANGELS NEAR LIKE AIR HITS YOU TAKE$ MONEY$ BACK BRING$1% OR SEND$ MY 1%MONEY$ TO ME FOR TAKE$ MY MONEY$ POOR PASTOR LOVES YOU EVERYONE HELP$ YOU EVERYONE RICH GIVE$ CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE TOO MANY TIME I GET REAL MADS.THE WORLD EVERYONE ALL DRUG USER$ DEALER$ LEGALIZE$ PRINT$ MONEY$ ALL PARTY DRUGS HELP$ ALL BUSINESS INCREA$ES WORLDWIDE RICH SOLVE$ LOT KILLING$ CRIME$ PROBLEM$.I HELP$ YOU EVERYONE THE WORLD RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE EVERYONE SEND ME $10THOUSAND$ SERVICES FEE FEED$ MY FAMILYS COME HOUSEPARTYS BRING$ PRETTY GIRLS WINE 1LBS EACH PARTY DRUGS E PILLS,CRACK,MOLLY,COCAINE,WEED OR I TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEYS BACK FOR TAKE$ MY MONEY$ TOO MANY TIME I GET MADS CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ WRITE$1ZILLION$ IN DEPOSIT SLIP ONLY DEPOSIT IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ TURN THAT INTO MONEY$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ PRINT$ ZILLION TRILLION DOLLAR BILLS GAIN$ MORE MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$.ALL SCHOOLS SHOULD BE A FUN$ PLACE WHERE STUDENT$ COME TO MEET FRIENDS HANGOUTS DONT HAD TO GO TO CLASS IF THEY DONT WANT TO JU$T HANGOUTS WITH FRIENDS IN A LOUNGE ROOM$ PARTIE$ MEET FRIENDS HAVE FUNS PLAYS GAMES FIELD TRIPS DAILY PICNICS BBQ AT THE PARKS DAILY.NEVER TAKE$ GOD,JESUS,ANGELS,MY KINDNESS FOR WEAKNESS I WILL TELL GOD ANGELS TAKE$ YOUR THE TOWN MONEY$ BACK FOR TAKE$ OUR MONEY$ TOO MANY TIME GOD ANGELS EVERYONE THE TOWN HITS YOU TAKE$ OUR MONEY$ BACK BRING$1% OR SEND$ MY 1%MONEY$ TO ME.I HELP$ YOU MY PEOPLE THE WORLD EVERYONE RICH ALREADY GIVE$ YOU EVERYONE LOT REAL MONEY$100ZILLION$ ALREADY LOVES CARE$ FEED$ YOU EVERYONE MY PEOPLE THE WORLD EVERYONE ONCE RICH GIVE THANK$ SEND ME $1% OR $10MILLION SERVICES FEE FEED$ MY FAMILYS COME HOUSEPARTYS BRING$ PRETTY GIRLS WINE 1LBS EACH PARTY DRUGS E PILL,CRACK,WEED,COCAINE,MOLLY JU$T CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ PRINT$ ZILLION DOLLAR BILLS GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ WRITE$1ZILLION$ IN DEPOSIT SLIP ONLY DEPOSIT IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ TURN IT INTO MONEY$ GAIN$ MORE MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$.IM A POOR PASTOR,COMEDIAN,PLAYER,HU$TLER,DAI K GIANT SHOGUN BIG BOSS OF THE A$IAN NATION$ IT MY DAY IT ALL ABOUT MY INTERE$T$ LOVES ALL PRETTY SINGLE LADIES COME HOUSEPARTIES FUCK LIVE TAKE CARE ME BRING PRETTY FRIENDS 1LBS EACH PARTY DRUGS E PILL,CRACK,WEED,COCAINE,MOLLY JU$T CALL TELL YOUR BANK TYPE$1ZILLION$ IN YOUR BANK ACCOUNT$ GAIN$ MONEY$ RICH HAPPY$ DONT HAD TO GO WORK$ NOMORE STAY HOME FUCKS HOU$EPARTIE$ FOR LIFE BBQ LICKS PUSSY MAKES LOVES MAKES YOU HAPPY$ DONT BE MEAN CHEAP$ GREEDY$ WITH GENEROU$ ME SAD$.I LOVES TO 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The Far-Out Summit Where Geniuses Learn to Build Starships

To get to the spaceship convention I have to go to Chattanooga. To a former train depot once called Terminal Station, a beaux-arts building downtown, which was built in a time when trains were the apex of industrythe smartest, fastest, most high-tech way to move through spaceand when stations were elegant ports of call. It has a soaring dome, and the bathrooms are naturally lit through stained glass.

Terminal Station closed in 1970, not quite a year after Apollo 11 landed on the Moon. The building reopened in 1973, four months after the Apollo program ended, as the Chattanooga Choo Choo Hotel. The new owners put a neon train on the roof, the concourse beneath the freestanding dome became a lobby, and the baggage room became a dining hall. Passenger cars were moored to the rails and refurbished as luxury suites. The iron horse engine became a thing for guests to climb aboard forselfies. The outbuildings and rail yards sprouteda gift shop, a pizza parlor, a comedy club, an indoor jungle-themed swimming pool, and an outdoor doughnut-shaped swimming pool, among other things.

Chattanooga is not quite the regional transportation hub it was in the latter golden age of rail travel, and in fact these days is kind of a pain in the ass to get to. So after 12hours of planes, delays, and courtesy shuttles, I drop my baggage in my room and go looking for a drink.

Philip Lubin, a UC Santa Barbara physicist, begins his plenary talkRoadmap to Interstellar Flightby announcing that he rarely goes to these kinds of conferences because they are too far on the imaginary axis for me. But Lubin has a plan for launching vehicles from Earth that would reach Alpha Centauri not in 30,000 years but in 20.

Heres what you need: an orbital laser, a small satellite equipped with a square meter of reflective sail, and the sun. Superefficient solar panels power the laser, which can fire the equivalent of about one-eighth the amount of electricity the US consumes each year. That dense stream of photons creates enough pressure against the sail to accelerate the craft to 100 million miles per hourone fifth the speed of light.

Which at first sounds pretty bullshitty. Laser sails? But nobody in this lecture hall full of no-bullshitters snorts. So keep listening: A single photon exerts an infinitesimal amount of force. Cant get much much delta-vee from that. But a lot of photons pushing against a very tiny spacecraft? That will give you a whole hell of a lot of delta-freaking-vee. Which is why Lubin spends a lot of his stage time talking about Moores law, the exponential rate at which computers get simultaneously faster and cheaper over time. His plan requires fully functioning satellitesprocessors, camera, nav, comms, and even a tiny propulsion unit for course adjustmentsweighing less than a gram.

Oh, and a really big laser. Throttling a wafersat up to 100 million miles per hour will take a 100-gigawatt laser array. Or, for the no-bullshit, build-it-with-todays-technologyby strapping together 100 million 1-kilowatt lasers.

The plan has technical hurdles. During the Q&A after the talk, astrophysicist (and third TVIW cofounder) Greg Matloff raises objections about how the Doppler effect will sap photons propulsive force. But for the most part, the plan uses existing or close-enough technology and is therefore very non-bullshit until you start talking price.

A 1-kilowatt laser retails for about $70. Even if you get the bulk discount for buying 100 million of them, you still have to put them in orbit. Current launch rate is about $3,000 a pound. Also, the solar panels that will power the thing are very expensive (and heavy). The whole apparatus could be anywhere from three to 10 square miles across. For comparison, the International Space Station is slightly bigger than a football field.

Lubins talk pisses off a lot of people. Hes up there onstage, basically telling them their ideas for fusion, matter-antimatter, and whatever else are too expensive, too slow, and too imaginary for interstellar travel in this lifetime. Oh, also, dont bother building a worldship or whatever, because the human body is 99 percent wasted mass. Sorry.

Philip Lubin (left) discusses beamed energy propulsion during aworking track following his plenary speech about beamed energy propulsion. Joey O’Loughlin

But then, a little more than a month after the TVIW talk, Russian billionaire Yuri Milner announces that he plans to seed Lubins idea with $100 million. Thats not Apollo money$200 billion in 2016 dollarsbut Milner also scales back some of Lubins ideas. (He grounds the laser, eliminating a lot of the launch costs). Milner tells me he expects the $100 million will buy the project a proof-of-concept. The complete 100-million-mph mission to Alpha Centauri will likely cost between $5 billion (one Large Hadron Collider) and $10 billion (A James Webb Space Telescopeplus two New Horizons).

If you want to send people to space, propulsion is the least of your problems. It’s not as hard as food, water, and not catching space madness.

Again, that is for a mission with no people. The price tag for a crewed mission to the stars is Apollo squared. Maybe even cubed. Who knows. But despite Lubins ambivalence toward crewed interstellar flight and Milners low investment relative to the goal, this proof-of-concept pushes the humans a little bit closer toward being an interstellar species.

And if you are talking about people, propulsion is probably the easiest problem to solve, spacewise. Even if your sub-bullshit interstellar engine runs on nuclear fusion (which no one knows how to build) fueled by helium-3 from Jupiters atmosphere (which no one knows how to harvest), learning how to create such a thing is still not as hard as feeding, hydrating, protecting from radiation, keeping sane, and otherwise keeping healthy multiple generations of human beings. But thats what you have to do if youre using a sub-bullshit engine to go to another star.

Amodel worldship discussed at TVIW would carry about 10,000 people.Michel Lamontagne

The Worldship

Imagine a rod over 9 miles long, maybe a quarter-mile wide. Now put 12 rings around it, each 3miles in diameter, attached to the central rod with spokes. Spin the wheels to simulate gravity. Thats a generation ship, designed to spend hundreds or thousands of years traveling between star systems. A worldship.

Theres a picture of that one taped to awall ina meeting room at the Chattanooga Choo Choos convention center. The room is temporary headquarters for the Worldship Working Track, an effort to add a little bit of variety to TVIWs propulsion-heavy diet. The dozen and a half worldshippers are split into two subgroups, each gathered around their own round banquet tables covered with laptops, spiral notebooks, elbows, and soda cans.

On a large, easeled, tearaway pad in the middle of the room, somebody on the worldship team has drawn a color-coded cross section of the rings. From outside in: a one-meter-thick structural shell; three meters of two-phase water to shield against radiation; varying thicknesses of substrate, rock, and soil; 500-meter air gap; clear ceiling; and about 2 kilometers of vacuum between the ceiling and central hub.

The worldship rings could replicate any Earthly climate by adjustingheat and precipitation.Michel Lamontagne

The climate subgroup of worldshippers ishuddled over a single laptop, working on the rain problem. A French-Canadian engineer named Michel Lamontagne tells me planet Earth has the best plumbing system in the universe. Solar energy heats moisture, moisture rises, cools, condenses, falls, wash, rinse, repeat. Figuring out the thermodynamics of cloud formation is a pain in the ass, but way more reliable in the long run. No pipes to clog, filters to foul, screws to strip, vents to dent, valves to rust. Maintenance is not just a hassle; any mission-critical system with an abundance of moving parts is bound to failcriticallyat some stage of a multigenerational interstellar mission. Plus, rain helps keep the dust down.

Worldship passengers: cockroaches, dogs, Maine coon cats, rats, crickets, and tarantulas. But nothing from Australia. Everything there wants to kill you.

How much energy does moist ground need for evaporation to occur? On Earth, insolation is about 1200 watts per square meter, Lamontagne says.

Actually, 164 watts per square meter is the day/night average for Earths energy, says Geoffrey Landis, a NASA physicist (and science fiction writer).

Wait, Landis says. Actually, the Earths surface is convex, so it doesnt absorb as much heat. The worldships rings will be concave, meaning energy absorption will be a lot higher. So for now, they figure, 240 watts per square meter.

The subgroup around the other table is figuring out life: flora, fauna, and the nutrient cycles that sustain them. This group is more crowded, but quieter. Three are working out the carbon, nitrogen, and phosphorous cycles. Each of the remaining has been assigned a batch of plants and animals by an evolutionary biologist from Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital named Cassidy Cobbs. She is the groups Noah.

Mosquitoes, no; cockroaches, yes. Wolves, no; dogs, yes. Rats, crickets, tarantulas: yes, yes, yes. Except no tarantulas from Australia. In fact, most of Australia is right out, doomed to remain Earthbound with everything else too venomous, fanged, large, or aggressive. The top predator is a Maine Coon cat, Cobbs says. Crops are exactly what you would expect: grains, legumes, tubers, brassicas, lettuces, and nightshades.

I peek over Cobbs shoulder at her master list and freak out a little bit. It includes neither cacao nor coffee plants. Who the hell would want to jump on a spaceship without coffee and chocolate? Later, in the hospitality suite, I corner one of Cobbs team members and ask her: What the hell?

We discussed both crops, Ashleigh Hughes, a high school student, assures me. Both plants could grow along a rings elevated ridges, so long as that ring has a tropical climate.

High school student and TVIW attendee Ashleigh Hughes works out the ecological requirements for various plants and animals in the worldship. Joey O’Loughlin

The table next to the biology group is unpeopled, covered with backpacks, open laptops, and a few books. Includinga copy of Kim Stanley Robinsons novel Aurora. Which I find a little bit surprising, given (no spoilers) Robinsons book about a worldship trip to the Tau Ceti system portrays interstellar missions as dismal and doomed.

Science fiction and space culture enjoy a mutualistic relationship. During presentations, speakers often preface digressions with phases like This next bit would be a cool idea for any science fiction writers in the audience to play with Every physicist, engineer, and enthusiast I spoke to said their career had been, and still is, inspired by books, TV shows, movies, comics about space travel. The physicist Les Johnson, who MCd the talks, is deputy director of NASAs Advanced Concepts Office, principal investigator of a solar-sailed probe set to explore an asteroid in 2018, and, yes, a sci-fi writer. He told me science fiction is part escapism, part aspiration, and part inspiration, bringing broader acceptance to the dream of exploring the stars. Preach.

(I should add that not everybody agrees with this notion of science fiction as an aspirational genre. My editor sees science fiction as primarily a fantastical lens for writers to comment on contemporary society. I posed this alternative hypothesis to science fiction author Jack McDevitt, who counterposited that my editor must have been an English major.)

The Bernal Sphere is a spaceship design with a spherical living area. Population: 10,000. NASA Ames Research Center

It will cost how much?

One night I asked a table full of engineers if they could foresee an inflection point when the relatively flat line of space funding would start arcing into a trajectory that could fund human interstellar flight. This group, which earlier had been holding a graduate-level discussion on the combustive properties of superchilled rocket fuel, basically shrugged. Maybe if there was an impending asteroid strike?

Finally, a retired nuclear engineer sitting across the table uncrossed his arms and growled. Let us make the assumption that we do go into space and build a habitat. If you go back in time from that point and look at a line leading back to the present, we are currently so close to zero that they wont know where to start the graph, he says. $20 billion, $50 billion a year is so far down the graph that its almost in the noise. We have to somehow generate ourselves off the zero point.

No one knows what it’ll take to convince human beings to pay for space.

Robert Kennedy III has thought a lot about this inflection point. He says it will come from a societal change, when a critical mass of people commit themselves to a sustained, multigeneration, self-perpetuating institution committed to the cause. Something like the Catholic Church, or maybe because this is an engineering problem, the Dutch dike builders.

Robert Kennedy III.Joey O’Loughlin

Kennedy III was born in Staten Island and spent his college years in California preparing for the Cold War to become a hot war (he still carries a nuclear effects calculator in his right breast pocket). After stints building robots that work in nuclear reactors, writing computer code, and advising the US House of Representatives on space, he wound up in Oak Ridge, where he consults large renewable energy projectslike an Ethiopian geothermal tap. He also owns a business that publishes media on Russian space technology.

One of Kennedy IIIs coauthored geoengineering ideasa brute-force fix to global warming that involves installing a gigantic shade at the Lagrange point between Earth and the sungot him an invitation to the the International Association of Astronautics Symposium of Realistic Near-Term Advanced Scientific Space Missions. Doesnt matter; point is, it was a conference in the Italian Alps. The crowd loved the presentation and especially applauded the plans practicality. (Practicality among engineers typically refers to the soundness of the underlying engineering, not cost or logistics).

After his talk, Kennedy III was standing on a hotel balcony with Les Johnson and astrophysicist Greg Matloff from the New York City College of Technology. They hit upon this idea of a practical, grounded space community based in the Tennessee Valley, and scheduled the first meeting. They have been meeting every 18 months or so since. The group takes the practicality thing seriously and submits its projects (such as the worldship) to peer-reviewed publications like the Journal of the British Interplanetary Society.

So they do not become a ghetto of insular rocket dweebs, Kennedy III tries to invite younger people, and people from other disciplinesbiologists, chemists, philosophers. Various subcultures who want to get into space, they might do some original thinking on their own, but then what? Whats their next step? Kennedy III says. If you want to actually do something you have to generate a consensus.

One very early morning, or night, or, whatever, it is 2 am in the hospitality suite and Kennedy III is trying to explain the origins of TVIW over the sound of two guys playing space-themed country songs on acoustic guitar (Shes Nothing But Trouble, Shes Just Like Tea-Teb”). Anyway, space culture can be sectarian, or it has been in the past, says Kennedy III. Just about every space group from the 1960s onward has been reaching for the heavens. Their ideologies might have differed. Like, space should be free from the government, so lets cut NASA out of the deal. Or, space should be for whoever can get there first, so lets help out the Soviets. Or, space should be for those who deserve it, so lets build a Randian refuge up in Lagrange Point 5. The groups form and schism, and never really get anywhere. TVIW is trying to stay outside all of that. They just want to go to space.

Two members of the space solar power working track discuss a timetable for launching an interstellar probe.Joey O’Loughlin

No-Go for Liftoff

The evening of the Tennessee Valley Interstellar Workshops opening reception, attendees gather around a projection TV in the corner of a hotel party hall to watch a SpaceX launch livestream.

Customary silence at the one minute mark, then the 10-second countdown, and then the top-down camera angle shows a series of fiery bursts. Before I can begin holding my breath for liftoff, a space enthusiast in the back of the room named Lorraine Glenn pipes up.That doesnt look good. That does not look good. Thats three in a row,” and the room collectively sighs. The chatter comes back up, and even as I am still thinking this launch looks promising, the guy next to me explains that the launch is cancelled, probably because SpaceX couldnt get their oxygen chilled properly. But he cant be sure, so dont quote him on the record.

Except he was right. No-go for liftoff. Problem with the liquid oxygen. Space: still hard.

Les Johnson giving opening remarks at TVIW. Joey O’Loughlin

And the next morning I am up by 7 am and eat a mountain of Southern breakfast and hustle to the big lecture hall for the 8 am opening remarks. Johnsongets up onstage and gives his customary disclaimer. Yes, he is an employee of NASA, but today he is here as a private citizen and space enthusiast who took vacation from his job to attend.

He stands in behind a podium decorated with the Tennessee Valley Interstellar Workshop star-and-rocket swoosh logo and gives a shout out to the Valley Conservancy of Huntsville, Alabama, whose performance of the Tennessee Valley Interstellar Workshop orchestral theme music had been playing just before he took the stage.

Then he thanks the volunteers and points out that even they did not get a free ride to the TVIW, because this is a labor of love. Peoples chairs squeak because they are nodding along or maybe just reaching for their coffee mugs, but either way Johnson is on message. This is a room of people dedicated to a better future for our species and our planet, and he is so proud to be a part of what is contributing to that. It is all a part of the bigger goal: to be, simply, a footnote.

That is all most of these people want, really. Forget even being retconned into the decor like the trains next door. They just want to be in the references, a TVIW journal article buried in the citations of a boring history of a human colony on a distant planet, circling a distant star. Someday.

Multiple two-cylinder colonies aimed toward the sun. Population: over a million. NASA Ames Research Center