#on the one hand I think there were maybe 2 songs in his whole discography that were about me when we were dating

[mangle-my-mind]

my ex has put out a couple songs and I think they're breakup songs about me? feeling weird lol

[get-back-homeward]

Now and Then Day

This sideblog began after watching Get Back nagged and nagged at me until finally I started to look closer at context relative to the Beatles discography and suddenly started experiencing these WAIT WHAT moments every day as what I thought I knew got turned inside out. The appeal was in looking at something you knew like the back of your hand from another direction and seeing/hearing something new you hadn’t seen/heard before. But I had no idea we’d get another song to add to the mix in 2023.

I knew Now and Then day would be an experience. I thought I’d have to wait the whole day before listening. But I got lucky and found a few minutes to listen to Now and Then when it was first released this morning. And inexplicably clicked to hear the remastered Love Me Do instead. I cannot explain my brain.

I then tried to start Now and Then and noped out before 15 seconds in. Too overwhelming. Not the right time. I was too rushed and needed more space to mentally prepare for it.

I caught NPR covering the Now and Then release today on my drive home. They had a Lennon biographer (I didn’t catch the name) reviewing the song. He said the song recalls John’s more delicate tunes like Beautiful Boys (sic) and mentioned John started the song in 1970.

Say what?!

Here I was late last night trying to nail down a better date for John’s demo than “late 70s”. Meanwhile, biographers are just here on national public radio pushing lies. Did he have ChatGPT write his comments?

Oh yeah, they also said it was created with AI no qualifier.🤦‍♀️

They played a few snippets of the song including one new piece not in the doc but refrained from playing it in full. It was mostly wrong Beatles facts all segment.

Trying the song a second time hours later, I got through it in one piece but was feeling abit 🥴 about it as a song itself. Having just listened to the original demo was probably a mistake, and I could hear all the seams and feeling the Frankenstein song effect.

Third attempt sounded more together, with the seams not quite as noticeable. I was prepared for the changes, the layering bits from other songs, and noted highlights of the instrumentals: the strings, George’s guitar bits, and Ringo’s flourishes. I love Paul coming through on the future tense certainty of “I will love you” (is that I Will?). Ringo’s shimmering effect choice (is it tams?) is such an entrancing closer. Giles’ score and Beatles recycled bits do mend the seams well once I stop thinking about them too much.

On fourth listen, my biggest notes are questioning why Paul’s harmony with John isn’t more distinct. He shows a lot of restraint here but maybe too much? Did Get Back get to him in other ways than the most obvious? Is he just self-conscious about his own voice? Or is it the limitation of the tech when it comes to harmony mixing?

The strings were what I was most worried about, but their entrance at the 1:15 mark really kicks it up a notch to transition into the singalong. Other standouts are 1:40 with George’s flourish and 2:29 peak with the guitar solo.

Lyrically, it’s the conditional and if I make it through it’s all because of you that haunts in layers of meaning both grim and cathartic that reverberate through time and space.

If John makes it through emotionally to 1980 and has a comeback? Congrats, bud you did it. But he’s stopped physically through no fault of his own. There’s the obvious mourning of that lost potential even 40 years later.

If this song this voice this message of John’s makes it through to 2023 and reaches the public? Well, success there, Paul’s tenacity saw it through with help from many friends. John’s voice and song lives on through Paul’s wish to conjure him by his side. On the Day of the Dead no less. I was reminded of the concept of tulpas today and was knocked back on my heels by the thought.

If John as an artist and Beatles as a band make it through so fans are still listening in 2023? This doubles as a bit of a fan love letter, and thank you for 60 years. Released on the day Beatlemania first appeared in black and white.

But then there’s also a reflector on this. Some original Beatles fans have aged with Paul and Ringo and others have not and aren’t here to share this like John and George. There’s grief and mourning from those still here about those lost, and the song acts as a catharsis. A kind of thank you to the band for being there for fans in good times and bad. The symbiosis of fame between a band and its fans across the decades.

It’s a lot.

I spent some time looking at the youtube comments on the song. Some original fans but many second and even third generation fans. And quite a few stories about a loved one who loved the band and recently passed away like this one:

And this:

But also in there are stories of catharsis and healing.

And many memories of the joy that Beatles music has brought to people’s lives. We all have these stories of how their songs weave into our own life. But it’s the joy that I keep coming back to as the secret sauce to the band’s earliest days. I often think of those early songs more in terms of feeling then anything, and it starts with the first single.

I love the Love Me Do remastering. That harmonica sounds so crisp. The bluegrassy harmonies have never sounded better. The ones on ple-ee-ee-ease still give me chills. Ringo’s drums moved forward in the mix to appreciate that driving beat just a bit more. I can hear the bass too. I can’t wait to hear what the other early Red album tracks sound like.

But next to Now and Then, I’m also looking at the lyrics like I never did before. Why give it another glance? Written by a 16 year old kid, it always sounded a bit juvenile and simple. But suddenly next to Now and Then, there’s a weight to it I never heard before.

Love, love me do

You know I love you

I’ll always be true

So please, love me do

It sounds like a promise. Now and Then is fulfillment of that always. It’s no longer just the whim of a kid. But rather the beginning of 7 decade devotional: To John, to the band, to fans, and reflected back again. The love is reciprocal from all sides.

How’s that for a WAIT WHAT moment? Paul turning the least likely song inside out and backwards. And he didn’t even add a lyrical middle eight.

[amber-lucca44]

Artists Of The Month (September 2024) ⭐

(Been hearing discographies so assume that for any artist here lmao ♥️)

1. Deftones

Before listening to their discography again, I was sure my favorite Deftones album was the self titled. Buuut, after hearing it all again, I'm undecided on whether it's White Pony or Saturday Night Wrist. They're both amazing 😭😭💖💖💖

Most played songs were mostly the same as usual, "Hexagram", "Hole In The Earth" and "Digital Bath" of course. But also caught myself going back to "Rocket Skates", "Mein" and "Swerve City" a few times 😁💕💕

2. Lacuna Coil

Cristina Scabbia my beloved 😭😭🖤🖤🖤

My favorite album had to be Comalies, no doubt, but Delirium was pretty amazing too 💖

As for songs... The usual I always replay of course, like "Die & Rise" and "Ghost In The Mist" were very much there. But "Take Me Home" was definitely the one I replayed the most, so catchyy 😭♥️

3. OutKast

Here's another artist I sometimes forget how much I love 😭💖💕

Favorite album had to be Stankonia, pretty sure of it. Not that there wasn't any competition, cause Aquemini and ATLiens were amazing too ♥️

And as for songs, I know I replayed "In Your Dreams" and "Roses" the most (fucking bangers aaaahhhhhh), but also "Player's Ball", "Rosa Parks" and "ATLiens" 😁💖💖

4. Avenged Sevenfold

I may have fallen in love with Synyster Gates and his guitar magic this month lol ♥️💕

Favorite album? Well I'm totally not sure tbh. Waking The Fallen and Nightmare are tied with 9.5/10 each, but it really could go either way. If I'm in the mood for breakdowns and screaming, it's Waking The Fallen, and if I want some more melody in my music, Nightmare takes it. 😅♥️♥️

As for songs well not really much I replayed a lot I think...? Enjoyed their albums as a whole for the most part. But if I had to name some, maybe "Remenissions" and "Afterlife" were the ones I played the most 😁💕

5. Blink-182

As I was listening to their discography, it really dawned on me how influential Blink-182 were to emo as we know it today 😭💕💕

Favorite album, Enema Of The State, hands down. That album is soo full of bangers, love it sm 😭💖💖

And my most played Blink-182 songs this month were probably "More Than You Know" and "Stockholm Syndrome". 😗💕

[catgirlhell]

🎶✨ when u get this u have to put 5 songs u actually listen to. then send this ask or tag 10 of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool)✨🎶

i'll kill you for cursing me @unclekow

the best way to describe what im listening to at any given moment is that im either playing the soundtrack to an anime that only exists in my head or attempting to block out all psychic attacks inflicted upon me from the world with the power of jazz and 90's/00's japanese alt rock and hip hop.

Get Down to Business, aka the Order Sol Theme by Daisuke Ishiwatari

It's the Sol Badguy music. It's the ultimate cool old guy who sucks music. I have a cool old guy who sucks that I've been thinking about. It's important for my delusions.

Lay Back by Lotus Juice

I am a *very* big fan of acoustic hip-hop, and I also really like japanese rap. I haven't actually listened to Lotus Juice that much (my teenage years were still defined squarely by Nujabes and his contemporaries!) but I've found this introduction to his work to be interesting! I'm looking forward to listening to more of it.

P.H.D. - Portable Headphone Dancefloor by 2mello

You, a buffoon, might say its cheating to list a whole album. I, a genius, would claim that its sacrilege to not treat a house mix as one whole song. If I were to take a single pick from it, dreamin on its own is probably my favorite track out of it all, so much so that I have spliced it out and extended it for my own listening. I've been a fan of 2mello for awhile now and I can safely say that every album he makes is my favorite of his until he makes the next.

Ka Bohaleng / On the Sharp Side by Abel Selaocoe

I don't talk about it much, but I was actually raised in a family that practiced and professionally performed Traditional West African Drum and Dance. As a result, I've always been partial to traditional/ethnic music worldwide, especially African music, and Abel Selaocoe is like the holy grail of such. His work can be described as "classically trained baroque that is distinctly African in nature," and I regularly stream his live performances and studio album. If there is anything in this list I would beg you hear, it is this song, and to a further extent, his performance at Cologne Jazzweek.

Akaneiro ga Moeru Toki/茜色が燃えるとき by Scoobie Do

This thing snuck up on me towards the start of the summer and blew my tits clean off. I'm a person very much trapped in the pre-2010's, especially the late 90's-late aughts. As I get older, I lean less and less towards new media and instead indulge in rediscovering older stuff. I have never watched a Gungrave. I have never played a Gungrave. But I have managed to get my hands on the majority of Scoobie Do's discography and play it regularly. The band is still active, but like all things, I am obsessed with their mini-album Kaze no Koibito, which has this song on it. Please listen to this song and please listen to Scoobie Do. The band is called Scoobie Do man, just do it.

HONORABLE MENTION:

Sleepy Head by the pillows

Earlier this spring, I finally watched Fooly Cooly for the first time ever, after maybe 6 years of people twice my age asking why I had never seen it when it seemed to be so completely grafted to my tastes. Well I did, and then I immediately drew my catgirl holding a guitar because of it. I'm not normal after that show. "Why did they keep asking you why you'd never seen it" I hear you asking. *ahem*

Because I've been listening to its soundtrack and the rest of the pillows discography since I was like. Twelve.

Don't ask me how I found it because I do not know. But between Ride on Shooting Star and this, I've returned to the FLCL soundtrack maybe once every 2 months for about a decade. This isn't propaganda to watch the anime, but it is propaganda to listen to the soundtrack.

@teffiniwynn, @kdinjenzen, @puyopuyo, @shukitanuki, @qwk, @lamphoera, @yuleloggu, @alien-tidays, @girlballs, @ockitten

im gonna go daydream about cringe shit goodnight

[all-the-fun-of-the-cirkus]

alright, first-time listen of the year no. 2 is hawks & doves by neil young, which is honestly a much weirder album than i was expecting

more than pretty much any other artist i tend to consider neil young a standalone album guy. take, say, genesis for instance; other than the odd aberration like the lamb, you can draw a clear line from trespass to invisible touch where every album is more or less a logical followup to its predecessor. neil young, on the other hand, just does whatever the fuck he wants. i mean, this comes after his proto-grunge album, but if you were just listening to his discography without any guide you'd put it right next to harvest, and i'd defy anyone to tell that this album came out in 1980. the standalone thing means you never really know what you're getting, and you certainly can't rely on other people to articulate it for you

the weirdest thing about this album is that it has a reputation as the Country One and as being a throwaway, which is arguably true... for side 2. but then the only songs from it people ever talk about are from side 1! it's baffling. and to be clear, side 2's alright; union man's a little too silly, but the first two tracks are enjoyable throwaways, comin' apart at every nail is... interesting, in a way i can't quite figure out yet, and the title track is alright (i haven't the foggiest whether it's a pisstake or a sincere statement, but that's par for the course with neil)

side 1, however, is excellent in its entirety. the thing that stood out to me, oddly enough, was neil's voice; it's real high in the mix, like he really wanted those lyrics clear, and he sound oddly tired and strained, particularly in little wing. wonder if that was intentional or if he really was just tired and strained. anyway everyone tips their hat to little wing, which is a great moody opener (it very much sounds like it was recorded in his bedroom, to its credit), but the obligatory "what the hell is he on about" track in the old homestead is the highlight for me. for some reason, it sounds to me musically like a more lowkey version of it's alright ma, and of course it's not as good as one of the greatest songs of all time, but there's a quiet intensity to the whole thing despite (or maybe because of) the absolutely baffling lyrics. fab arrangement, too; the saw could absolutely have been higher in the mix but burying it lends the whole song a really eeriness, and the stiff, martial drumming adds to the atmosphere too

the other two tracks are less impressive but still good; captain kennedy is a nice sea shanty pastiche, and lost in space is a fairly generic song absolutely jumping out of its skin to be interesting anyway (the frazzled, confused lyrics, the tempo changes, that weird nursery rhyme bit, the lovely dual guitar melody in the breaks). i think i actually might have more to say on this at some point but it's four in the morning, so. not an all-time great, but i was pleasantly surprised, good album

[cruisercrusher]

@edling-week week day 4- song

BRO I was thinking about this scenario before I even realized this was one of the prompts for today, it’s like the stars just aligned. Remember that au I mentioned on day 2? Same one, I’m calling it the sellouts au, and here’s an incomplete snippet of some fic for that au. enjoy :3

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Ed, uh… I need your help with something.” 

Ed looks up from where he’s tuning his guitar to see Ling standing in the doorway, shuffling awkwardly in place. Ed’s eyes widen at the sight of the pop prince there, physically standing there and not, you know, on the other side of the planet. 

“Ling!” Ed stands up, setting his guitar aside. “Shit, you didn’t tell me you were gonna be back in town so soon!” 

Ling shrugs with a smile. “Just business stuff, no big deal,” he says. “But didn’t you say we should, ‘hang out sometime’?”

Ed cringes as he remembers that… more than embarrassing exchange at the airport a month ago. Jesus Christ, what had possessed him to lean across the security divider and shout to get Ling’s attention over the screaming fans, after they’d already said bye, only to say, ‘let’s hang out sometime’? God, he’s pathetic. 

Of course, when Ling smiles like that at him, he remembers exactly why he had done that. 

God, he’s pathetic.

Ling’s smile fades as he repeats his greeting. “Anyways, I… well, can you help me?” 

Ed rolls his eyes and sticks his hands on his hips. “I guess, depends on what you need help with. I hope your spoiled ass didn’t forget we’re not your personal assistants again.”

Knowing Ed is (probably) joking, Ling laughs. “Nothing like that!” He says, waving his hand back and forth. “I need you to help me write a song.” 

At that, Ed’s put-upon mask breaks. “Really? Is your label finally letting you write your own shit?” 

“No, haha,” Ling rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, and that’s when Ed realizes the taller boy has kept one hand behind his back this whole time. “No, it’s, uh, it’s a personal song.” 

Ed just looks more confused. “But you write those all the time, right? Why would you need my help?” 

“I want to write a song in English,” Ling stresses. Ed still doesn’t get it, and it shows, and that just seems to make Ling more agitated. “You stupid, stupid boy,” he mutters under his breath, rubbing his brow. Ed frowns. 

“Hey!” 

“I need your help writing a song in English because I’m no good at English and the song is for the boy that I like and he only speaks English so what good is a genuine love song in a language he doesn’t know, Ed!” Ling blurts all in one rush, the look on his face both equally serious and panicked. “And I need you to help me write a song that— that will make him— agh, what’s the word, not ‘know’ it’s— understand, that will make him understand how I feel! Because you’re an amazing lyricist and you understand me better than almost anyone else, and, well, Lan Fan is ass at writing lyrics.” His fervour dies down at the end, but he still looks at Ed with that earnest, downright pleading expression on his face. 

Shattering. Like a glass chandelier being smashed to a million little pieces. That’s the sound that Ed hears his heart make as Ling says that. Fuck, he’s so stupid, he was so stupid. Of course Ling likes someone else, duh, Elric. Ed is— well, there’s too many things to list, there, and Ling has millions and millions of people that throw themselves at his feet every damn day, did Ed really think he was different? Was he really delusional enough to think he’s, what, somehow more special, more interesting than any one of those kajillions of people? And Ling is just… so…

Well, perfect. And Ed is so stupid. 

“So what?” He snaps, suddenly vicious, and Ling blinks in surprise. “Go ask Al, he’s just as good as me at lyrics and he’s way better at sappy, romantic shit anyways, so—“ 

He turns to go back to where he left his guitar, but Ling stops him with a hand on his automail shoulder, and Ed whips back around, practically throwing Ling’s hand off. 

“I don’t want it to be sappy and romantic—“ Ling snaps back at him. “Everything I fucking sing is sappy and romantic, and I want this song to be— to be real. I thought… I thought you would get that.”

Ed flinches. God, this is exactly why… “I didn’t mean that,” he mutters. “Just— go ask Al.”

“Well—“ Ling winces. “Actually, I kind of already did, just because I thought he was less likely to make fun of me than you, but he called me a dumbass and told me to ask you.” 

Despite himself, Ed chuckles, but his smile drops as quickly as it appeared. “Look, I don’t know, man,” he sighs. “Maybe Rose—“

“Rose can’t help me.” Ling says, oddly determined. “Please, Ed… look,” he takes his hand out from behind his back finally, showing Ed a USB stick and a folded up piece of paper. “I, well, I actually already wrote it, but in Mandarin. And these are the google translate lyrics.”

Ed blinks. “So… huh?”

Ling huffs. “I need you to make the English version sound good. It has to be you. Please.”

Ed thinks he would rather eat his automail than write Ling a love song for someone else, but Ling is still his friend, no matter how else Ed feels about him, and he clearly wants Ed’s help because this is important to him and because Ed is his friend, and he trusts Ed to help him give his heart to someone else and—

And Ed would just be a huge jackass to refuse. “Alright, fine.” He sticks his hand out for the demo and the lyrics. “Lemme see.”

Ling’s face brightens, a huge grin Ed recognizes well lighting up his whole face. He shoves the USB and paper at Ed and does a little hop in place, his bangs bouncing. “You’re the best, Ed!” He laughs. “Thanks!” 

And then he… 

Runs out of the room. 

Ed stares at the spot where Ling just was. “What the fuck?” He says aloud to the empty room. “I never said I’d do it for you… dumbass.” He mutters, going back to where he left his guitar, digging through his bag for his laptop. “Ugh, whatever. Let’s see what that dumbass came up with.”

“Oh my god,” Ed laughs as he looks over the google translated lyrics-- the paper Ling gave him literally is a printed out screenshot of the google translate. “Man, Ling, this guy had better make you happy as hell for me to be doing this for you.” 

When he listened to the demo, he was surprised. He didn’t understand it, obviously, he doesn’t know Mandarin, but the sound was nothing like anything else in Ling’s official discography. Which he supposes he should have expected, really, since Ling has said before he doesn’t really like the music that Emperor Records has him sing. Ed can’t imagine, honestly, what it must be like to build a career on music that you just can’t bring yourself to be passionate about. 

Actually, Ed has a sneaking suspicion that Al was responsible for the track. He has no proof, of course, but Ed knows his brother and he knows what the music he makes sounds like. Either way, it was a little heavier than Ling’s usual family-friendly pop music, more alternative than his typical ultra-mainstream. And the lyrics…

This would be easier if Ed knew Mandarin, if he could get the actual meaning of the original lyrics and not just the literal translation of the words, then the version he’s been tasked with making would be more accurate. It would be easier, if Ling hadn’t run off and instead stuck around to tell Ed what the hell he actually meant by ‘very good son, your golden eyes make the sun feel embarrassed’-- because that can’t possibly be literal.

But, whatever. He can deal with this. Ling said he wanted this song to be real, and--

Well, if there’s one thing Ed can give, it’s the truth. 

[defensefilms]

Defense Films Names His Top 5 Favorite Rappers

In All It’s Infinite Glory And Magnanimity, Defense Gives You His Top 5 Favorite Rappers. 

5. 50 Cent 

To this day, when you need a playlist for a MMA class and the group is hella diverse, you’re not really sure which way to go with it, pop in that 50. Can’t go wrong with Get Rich Or Die Trying (the original), or even that G-Unit Beg For Mercy.

That run from late 2002-2005/06 was unlike anything you’ll ever see again. That was a perfect situation where there was organic support from fans and there were people at a business level, mainly 50, that knew how to turn it into the wave that it became and industry has been trying to replicate this ever since.

While most people remember is the numerous scandals, beefs and controversies of that time but it was the music that moved the audience. For all the ways 50 Cent’s success mirrors ruthless American capitalism, his debut album is low key one of the most inspiring albums you’ll ever listen to. 

It’s a foxhole mentality on wax. It’s me-versus-you type thinking. It’s someone has to lose and I’ll be damned. It’s who ever has to get hit, is gonna get hit. 

See the first time I listened to it, it was about “In Da Club”, “Wanksta”, you know the more palatable records that got on radio and all that but the more I listened the more I realized, it was actually built on the backs of songs like “Patiently Waiting”, “Many Men”, “Back Down”, “Don’t Push Me” and “Gotta Make It To Heaven”. On one side it’s as motivational as you can think of but it’s not the wacky kind of naivé motivational talk because it’s willing to get it’s hands dirty and go in to much grittier ideas. 

Like his predecessors, 50 pulls off the trick of balancing easy-to-listen-to records on a foundation of graphic and aggressive songs.  

Recommended Songs: Maybe We Crazy, When It Rains It Pours

4. Jedi Mind Tricks

I’ll give you props if you know who these man are but they are legends. Point blank. Violent By Design will forever rank as one of the great group albums in hip-hop history.  Vinny Paz, Jus Allah and producer/DJ Stoupe The Enemy of Mankind, gave hip-hop a shockwave they weren’t ready for, especially back in 1999.

Hip-hop as a business wasn’t ready to market a group, whose themes were rooted in topics like government control, military warfare, covert control tactics, religion and psychological warfare. To have all that in one bundle wasn’t something that big time A&R’s were ready for. 

Had they started this group in 2010, they would have walked in to a business landscape that was far more suitable to who they were as an act and as MC’s. 

Even with that JMT still enjoyed a lot of notoriety and they definitely succeeded in establishing their following, despite the odds. 

While Violent By Design may serve as the magnum opus of their body of work, their run really starts in 1997 with the Psycho-Social, Biological & Electro-Magnetic Manipulation Of Human Kind. 

Yes guy, that’s an album title. You gotta think now, I was in high school the first time I heard this and I was very into conspiracy theories and nonsense, so this album hit me right between the eyes. The idea that someone could use the medium of hip-hop in this way was crazy and the album would have been more than 10 years old when I first heard it.

No, the hip-hop historians among us will argue that Wu-Tang were a better and more influential group and I’d tend to agree, I can also bust back and say, “these dudes took Wu-Tang’s formula and gave it a whole different edge.”

 I’ll break it to you like this, Wu-Tang gave the world swordsmanship and the first projectile weapons like bow and arrows, spears and the likes. Jedi Mind Tricks gave the world gun powder, advanced modern explosives and semi-automatics. You see what I mean?

Recommended Songs: Untitled, Retaliation Remix

3. Jay-Z

No top rappers list is complete without my man. The only reason he ain’t higher is because, I rate a rapper more highly if they’re in the prime of their musical abilities. If this were an all-time list he’d be way way higher. 

Beginning with Reasonable Doubt is really the only place to start when it comes to Jay. The production, the skits, the way every sentence was so tightly wound together, the word selection and sentence construction. It’s remembered as an album of hits because of tracks like “Cant Knock The Hustle”, ”Feelin It” and “Brooklyn’s Finest” but Reasonable Doubt was really defined by “Dead Presidents”, “D’evils”, “Politics As Usual” and “Can I Live”. 

The first batch of songs gave the album some relatability, as far as depicting club vibes and nightlife glamour because that second batch of songs were all built on darker themes like betrayal, jealousy, greed, blind ambition and deception. That combination of themes as well as the production to match each one is why that album will always rank high among a certain listenership. 

With that being said, never make the mistake of thinking Jay or any man is perfect. There’s like a 3 album run where there’s moments of dope-ness but not a truly complete album. 

Still with that, songs like “Imaginary Player” and “Where I’m From” will rank among his best songs.

It’s only when you get to The Blueprint can you start to see Jay perfecting the art of crafting, whole, complete albums that bump from start to finish. The Blueprint was near perfection in this regard. “U Don’t Know”, “Heart Of The City” and “Momma Loves Me” will rank as his best efforts and yeah, I skipped a few.

The Black Album replicated the Blueprint’s listenability, while also dealing in topics that created an album that sounded very personal to Jay. 

All told, the best parts of his catalogue are so strong that there is no denying his place on my list.

Recommended Songs: Dead Presidents, I Love The Dough

2. Action Bronson

I cannot for the life of me fathom how this man doesn’t get the love but the real ones know. 

The mixtape download era (2010-2017 give or take), had many unlikely success stories. An overweight white guy, who grew up cooking in his parents deli/eatery, turned pro-chef then turned rapper, is beyond unlikely. Only the internet could allow this man to succeed and thank the hip-hop gods it did.

From 2012 to about 2018, Action was one of the only constants in my playlist. I still remember where I was the first time I heard “Brunch”. His catalogue starting with the Tommy Mas produced, Dr Lecter and boasting full collaborations albums along side Statik Selektah and the Alchemist, and of course the classic Blue Chips series. This man’s prime will be underrated. 

If you’re going to take one chapter of Bronson’s art and study it, it’s going to be Blue Chips 1 and 2. Both are thematically perfect without ever trying to be. Which is what allowed Party Supplies to make production choices that grabbed you from the jump. From the first time you hit play on the opening of Blue Chips 1, you’re hit with the sound of falling shards of glass and a violin sound that makes the opening song un-skippable. The songs themes are also a perfect introduction to the man himself. Debauchery, expensive taste, hedonism, revelry, unabashed pleasure-seeking, drug use and just enough self-depreciation that you felt you were along for the ride rather than just a fly on the wall, turning your nose in disgust. It was a perfect mixtape, at a time when mixtapes were at a crazy dumb high standard.

It’s not so much that a rapper made punchlines about food, that would be an over-simplification and really missing the trick. It’s that he made everything he said sound like the dopest thing ever and the most underrated trick about his music is that he made grown man rap without needing to be thuggin’. A rare feat. 

Bronson has since gone on to establish himself as a content creator/producer/food review guy but man, what he accomplished as a complete body of work is nothing short of astonishing.

Recommended Songs: Midget Cough, Bonzai

1. Headie One

So it’s late last year. I’m hanging with my boy Phil and Brown, we had just finished some content and Phil says “yo listen to this”. He proceeds to play Golden Boot and it hasn’t stopped bumping since. 

A UK rapper with a lyrical nous and wit that rivals even legends like Jay-Z, but rapping over trap and drill beats. What Headie One is doing is not the norm and I’m talking in terms of his lyrics, sentence construction, word selection, metaphors, he does it all and like all the greats, he makes it look easy. 

His collaboration with RV definitely helped mold him, with both the “Sticks and Stones” and “Drillers and Trappers” mixtapes giving you an idea of what Headie offers as a lyricist. He compliments RV’s brash, aggressive boasts with slightly less obvious but incredibly witty boasts of his own.

His discography though really starts to peak with 2018′s “The One”. That’s where Headie begins find a sweet spot between his lyrics, production and the themes of his songs. A mixtape like this can only exist via independent release because outside of the aforementioned “Golden Boot”, ain’t none of those songs getting any radio play especially in a country as “conservative” as England. Even in a genre saturated with gangsta/trap, “The One” stands out for what he accomplishes lyrically.

Headie would follow that by releasing “The One Two” in June of 2018 and he ascends even more in what he’s able to accomplish with the words.

 The track “Banter On Me” should be in an all-time list somewhere for being the wittiest track of all time. The song is literally just Headie finding new and innovative ways to boast, call out and bait his foes. Hip-hop/Rap has plenty of beef songs that weren’t really direct call outs to any known public figure but were still definitely taking shots at someone. 50 cent’s “Wanksta” and “Officer Down” are some examples of such songs I can think of. Those did not really have the kind of wit Headie displays here. The constant streams of alliterations, double meanings, puns, metaphors, inferences and innuendos is just astonishing. There’s a real mastery of language at play here. The song is a lesson in language, no textbooks. 

Headie has since released his debut album along with additional tracks for the delux version of the album. His debut studio release “Edna” does what studio releases are supposed to do. “Parle-Vouz Anglais” and “Aint It Different” will standout and are difinitely the most palatable songs as far as radio play. Those are the 2 songs I’d play for first time listeners. 

Recommended Songs: Hard To Believe, Dues, Zodiac

[wenchuong]

The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Ch. 2

Read Ch. 1 first!

Ch. 2 -- Magic Hour

Everyone always thought Rose was crazy when she said she liked being jet lagged. Why would you like feeling like a walking zombie, they’d ask. But she knew there was magic in those nights that felt like they’d never end, time suspended in a soft haze. The kind of magic that made you feel infinite. The kind she was experiencing right now.

“So what are you going to do with the rest of your night?”

Rose laughed. “I think it’s morning now.”

Dawn was just beginning to peek through the night sky as Jungkook and Rose stood outside the 7/11, little cups of hot instant coffee warming their hands, reluctant to leave what was feeling like their place.  

“We’re leaving in the afternoon to Kyoto for a photoshoot. I’m really excited. I love Kyoto, especially the countryside. It smells so different there. Like, like…”

Jungkook waited patiently for her to find her thought, watching her face light up and her eyes twinkle. God, he loved looking at her.

“Like green tea and bamboo and fresh water!” She glanced back at him sheepishly. “I’m really sensitive to smells. It’s kind of how I remember a moment or a place. I know it’s weird.”

“It’s not weird! Actually, I’m really sensitive to smells too. My favorite smell is laundry detergent.”

As soon as that left his mouth, Jungkook wanted to punch himself in the throat. Why would he say something so unbelievably lame?!

He was still internally beating himself up when he watched Rose’s eyes get comically large. “I love the smell of detergent too! Wow, I never thought I would find someone as weird as me.”

Their eyes twinkled at each other. 

Breaking eye contact first, Jungkook kept his eyes on his sneakers as he asked, “What smell will you remember when you think of this night?”

Rose was a little surprised that this shy boy would ask such a bold question. She thought for a second.

“Ramen. Of course.”

He looked up at her and laughed, nodding in agreement.

“And jasmine. And vanilla.”

He raised his eyebrows at her in question.

“The air kind of smells like jasmine. Guess this is what spring in Tokyo smells like.”

“And vanilla?”

She smiled at him slowly, drinking him in, as she said, “You smell like vanilla.”

Jungkook stopped breathing. His heart stopped beating. He ceased to function. Just the mere thought that Rose had smelled him was enough to destroy him. The best he could do was stutter back at her, “I-i-i-d-d-do?”

“Yea. It smells warm. I like it.”

It wasn’t even a confession; she just liked his body wash. But it was enough to light his whole body on fire and make him break out in a full smile, bunny teeth and all.

She was kind enough to blush, as if he wasn’t making a total fool of himself. Right as he was about to tell her he liked the way she smelled too, he was cut off by a loud buzzing.

Rose dug the culprit out from her pocket — her phone. She frowned and looked apologetically at him. “Sorry, it’s my manager.”

“Oh, no problem.”

She walked a few feet away to take the call, and Jungkook knew he was in trouble when he wanted to shout that that few feet was too far. He was already addicted to having her close all the time. Close enough to see her eyelashes and count her freckles. Close enough to smell the jasmine that was her scent. Close enough to…

“I have to get back to the hotel.”

Jungkook was abruptly shaken out of his thoughts. “What?”

“The photoshoot just got moved up, and my manager is looking for me. We’re leaving 2 hours earlier now.”

Jungkook almost shouted at her, “Can I take you??”

Now, it was Rose’s turn to look shocked. “To the hotel? You don’t even know which one I’m staying at.”

“It doesn’t matter. I just…” He paused to think of something normal and not stalkery to say. “You shouldn’t be out this late…at night…by yourself.” He felt pretty smug pulling that one out of thin air.

Rose wasn’t born yesterday, so she just grinned back at him. “Fine. You’re lucky it’s so close. I’m at the Aman. Shall we?”

With that, they head off in the direction of her hotel, not making small talk, but having an intimate conversation about nothing — their favorite movies (they both loved romances), the songs they listened to when they couldn’t fall asleep (Lany and Lauv’s entire discographies), their favorite cities in the whole wide world. It was like they avoided the real life conversation topics on purpose. Like if they started talking about their jobs or how the world saw them, this fragile, perfect bubble would burst. So they came to a silent agreement to get to know everything else about each other instead.

Before they knew it, they were at the steps of the Aman.

“Well, this is me.”

“Yea.”

Jungkook knew he should say something memorable, but nothing was coming to him, other than I REALLY LIKE YOU, which even he knew was too much, too soon.

“Thank you Jungkook.”

He stopped thinking and furrowed his eyebrows at her. “For what?”

“For the perfect night.”

And there his heart went. He liked her so much, it physically hurt knowing that this perfect night would end. How could she smile so peacefully at him like that? Did she not have the same growing ache in her bones?

Jungkook could only say, “It was perfect for me too.”

Rose didn’t want to go, but she had to. And she knew she’d have to be the one to walk away. And she might never see this boy, this boy that her heart already missed, again. So without overthinking it, she walked up to him and gave him the tightest hug. She knew this wasn’t appropriate to do to a guy she had met just a few hours ago, but she was too tired and happy to the point of delirium and euphoria to care.

Jungkook didn’t even think. His body just moved on its own, wrapping one arm around her tiny waist, the other naturally to the nape of her neck, his fingers brushing through silky locks of her hair. He took a deep breath in, realizing suddenly and with bone-crushing clarity that she smelled like home.

She breathed him in once more, as she slowly disentangled herself from his arms. Looking up at him, she tried to memorize his face as he was doing the same.

Before they knew it, the moment was breaking, shifting along with the rising sun, signaling morning. Rose knew she needed to leave now, or else, she’d probably stay pressed tight against him forever.

As she was turning away from him, Jungkook blurted out, “Wait! I want to…Can I…maybe get your number?”

She paused, dramatically 180’ed back and held out her palm. He nervously chuckled as he handed his phone over. As she was concentrating on typing her name and number, he stared at her, still in disbelief that she was real.

“Here you go.” She handed his phone back. “I hope I see you again Jungkook.”

“You will.” He would make damn sure of it.

She smiled brilliantly back at him, and finally, walked away.

As Jungkook sat in his taxi, heading back to his own hotel before his manager freaked out, he replayed the night over again in his mind like a movie. He hadn’t felt this happy and this light in a long time. He was so happy that he didn’t want to wait to text her. He was going to do it now. As he pulled up her contact, he couldn’t help but grin at his phone like an idiot. She had saved herself as ‘Rosie’ with a little squirrel emoji, probably because he had told her she looked like a squirrel when her cheeks were full of ramen. His heart was pounding so dramatically, he had to punch it a few times so he wouldn’t combust.

As Tokyo whooshed by outside the window, and Jungkook was absorbed in crafting the perfect first text to Rose, he felt a little like magic had happened that night. Like time had paused just enough for him to meet this girl and for his whole world to explode in colors and sounds he’d never seen or heard before. Like anything was possible. Like he was infinite. And as Rose laid on her hotel bed, trying to get a few hours of sleep but failing due to her excited heart, she too, felt the same magic — the magic that would lead these two lost souls home.

[scandeniall]

Singing Disney Songs

a/n: no thoughts. What singing disney songs would be like with Seijoh, Nekoma and Inarizaki I have no idea why I did this. Its in drabble form and in whole team form (which i’ve never done). Featuring HSM, Starstuck and Hannah Montana

wc: 1.1K

Seijoh: best boys to do it with. Core 4 in all their chaos? Sign me up! Oikawa, Makki, Mattsun are all down 110%. Iwa is down by default to keep your messy asses in line (but he lowkey wanted to do it too). Everyone knows all the words to EVERY song.Y’all get into a heated debate about which high school musical had the most bangers. Makki and Mattsun are like “come on now how can you not say HSM 2” and someone else like you chimes in “because everyday is boring as shit. They act like their in a cult.” So y’all end up going through the HSM discography taking tallies. This concludes that HSM 2 had the best songs. As y’all just sit there listening, you cross off some songs automatically and Oikawa is like “Gabriella’s songs are boring as shit.” Anyways y’all force Iwa to do the dance to “We’re all in this together” and he leaves y’all shook because he has RHYTHM. oikawa on the other hand—. Iwa simp hours for a large part of it with all y’all being like “Be the Troy to my Gabriella” He hates u all :) At some point y’all are just drunk karaoking to HSM. Dancing on the coffee table and couches to What Time is It (which if y’all were sober yeah Iwa would murder u all). “Bro remember when people used to call u the king?” and that leads to you and oikawa tryna turn Fabulous into a duet. Both drunk on the 2 couches pretending you're at a pool making the others be the little servers. Makki and Mattsun decide to reenact Gotta go My own way. Very drunk and dramatic. Rubbing all over each other's faces. Pulling away then running back doing the most. Yall force drunk Iwa to do Bet on It. Hes seen it so many times and is too intoxicated to not do it so mans goes all out. Does troy dumbass jumping and yall are the best hypemen. Someone is recording but yall can barely hear him through the loud ass cheering and laughing. 

Nekoma: Another fun team to do this with. Yall do the unappreciated movies like STARSTRUCK. Kuroo is a sucker for those and yall both swear up and down the its one of the best and deserved more than it ever got. (He knows all the words to these songs). Yall do this while your on a roadtrip. One of those vans so its you, kuroo (in the driver/passenger), kenma, yaku, kai, lev, fukunaga. Up front yall are living your best lives “Something about the sunshine babyyyyyyyyyyy” acting like the main characters and shit. Someone brings up what if you all played Starstruck characters. “Lev looks the most like Christopher Wilde. Lanky, no rhythm. creepy eyes when he stares too long-” “Hey!” Back to the music. We all know you and kuroo know all the words, lev is pretty good and knows most so hes able to keep up. Yaku is like 50/50. Kai, babe only knows the main ones and only partially. Sits and smiles and laughs at his friends. Gets songs dedicated to him by all of you. Kenma? Don't care. Hes really only on this trip because you guys are his friends. This is one of his least fav disney movies so truly is in mental anguish trying to tune yall out. Fukunaga only knows Stubby’s verses so does the rapping. Lots of “AYEEEEE” going around. Very hype when those songs come on. Lev tries to sing What You Mean to Me to Kenma, but just gets told to shut up. Being very loud and obnoxious with all of them save for Kenma to Starstruck. If you stop at a red light the neighboring cars can probably hear yall’s screeching. Yaku is most likely to be recording the monstrosity on his snap chat, but will not catch himself slipping and entertaining yall. He has a reputation to upkeep. For songs only you and Kuroo know (like welcome to hollywood) he takes one hand off the wheel to hold at you like a microphone. Plays the acoustic and regular version of Hero back to back. Wants to pretend he’s in a music video for the acoustic. One of those sad montage types. 

Inarizaki: what is even going on. You propose it. Kita just shrugs and is like “Ok” Yall listening to Hannah Montana. Twins ruin your singalong time with the debate of How could they not know Miley was Hannah. You dedicate If We Were a Movie to Aran bc dream boy. He sings along happily. Wouldn’t hesitate to hit Atsumu for trying to interrupt and you're like “This is a duet stfu.” Kita watched the show but probably couldn’t really recall many of the words but that's ok. You all do know Best of Both Worlds and even Suna sings along. Not with much energy, but whatever he still participates in. Twins and Suna all are embarrassed to say they know every word to He Could Be the One. Get Kita to threaten the twins and they’ll sing along to it. Another must sing song is Nobody’s Perfect. Grab Suna’s hand and make him sing and dance along, he does it lazily. Maybe a few bobs and sways. Him not screaming the lyrics is drowned out by the rest of yall. That's one of those songs that like you hear that intro you go running towards the dance floor because BANGER. Mid convo- you hear that intro yeah your soul leaves your body and is taken over by the spirit of miss Hannah. Twins try to act that out and do the soul leaving body meme because they share 1 brain cell. Atsumu is more aggressive with his singing along. Like damn calm tf down. When hes hype hes going so hard yall are like “dont hurt yourself lol” Once you start getting into them obscure songs Aran saves the day again by being the only one that knows them. At True Friend Atsumu asks if you think hes a true friend/ “(Y/N) i’m yer best friend right.” Damn yall hear something. Ignore him and keep singing while Osamu and Suna clown his ass. “Kita’s a true friend.” Kita just thanks you. Might return the compliment. “He doesn’t even know any of the songs” ok and???? Yall play another sadder song right after like “i’ll always remember you.” Atsumu lowkey starts tearing up and sniffling. Ha ha pussy. Sad hours when you then play wherever I go and yall all start getting sad. Kita not knowing the songs just looks at yall like ?????? Then he starts listening to yall sadly sing along and its like “damn” sad team hours then. Yall annoying and put your arms around each other and like start swaying because no brain cells are found. It ends up getting aggressive and u feel like your shoulder is gonna fall off so u stop.

[sole-cuore-amore-e-droga]

Italy brings the rock’n’roll youth of tomorrow to Rotterdam 2021

It’s the final day of doing my yet again botched attempt at a review series and I’ve been dying to post my gigantic write-up for my newly beloved Italy, at the top of the bookies, darling of all hearts, ready to rock Eurovision, and even more! Vai vai~

ARTIST & ENTRY INFO

Representing them this year is Måneskin, a band made up of four - singer and possibly the hottest motherfucker to grace the planet Earth Damiano, guitarist Thomas, drummer Ethan, and the cherry on top - bassist Victoria, whose half-Danish heritage is the reason Måneskin is called Måneskin (= Moonshine). They thought of this name at a “battle of the bands” that they won, thinking they might as well change it to something different, but in the end... say it with me now

They have known each other since highschool, made a band in 2016, won the “battle of the bands”, started out making a living as buskers in the streets of Rome, from which they gradually grew through playing small gigs, and later tried out for X Factor Italia season 11, on which they came 2nd.

They went on to release an EP titled after their debut single of the name of the song above, including some of their X Factor covers, and later on got to get big through releasing an album, getting it certified all kinds of goodnesses, having singles from that album be popular, even releasing a documentary of themselves... they’ve done so much in life and they’re only 20-22 years old... aw man, the life is just ahead of them, for them to be so young and win Sanremo on their first try. (And I’ve always wanted them for Eurovision ever since I was aware of their existence, because their music is very nice, and they just feel like charming human beings. So imagine my joy seeing them announced for Sanremo 2021? And them WINNING months later??? man what kind of luck do I have even if just for a year lmao <333)

“Zitti e buoni”, the last song title alphabetically this year, is purely of the band’s making, and the lyrics are talking about not abiding the rules in general, how they’re out of their minds but they’re not like “them”, and how people talk but don’t know what they’re talking at all.

REVIEW

IT’S A PRETTY CRAZY GOOD ROCK SONG AMEN HALLELUJAH OPRAH WOOOOOOO

wbk I love it. Yeah sure it might be composited of something that sounds like standard rock riffs and what not, but it’s the ENERGY that goes into it that gets me more excited for this than for Finland, a fellow rock song of this year’s final.

Damiano’s vocals have the specific kind of rockstar tinge to them, and they’re very complimenting to the song. The way he says everything is beautiful, the “e buonasera signore e signori” line in particular is just a moment that shows the beginning of power somehow, I don’t know. The chorus is great, eventhough it’s just one line repeated but it changes the pronoun each time (going from “I’m out of my mind” to “you’re out of your mind” to “we’re out of my mind”) - MAGICAL.

And the bridge. YES, the bridge. Along with the outro it’s the best part of the song. The chord progression. The lines repeated on that bridge. The emotions going on. The delivery of the lines of the emotion. It’s a convincing little bridge, to the point that it sounds just as great with violins! Wish they brought one, because according to Love Love Peace Peace, nothing screams winner quite like a violin.

God damn to the Måneskinsters pump this song up to the maximum. It was originally a ballad song, and I think that’s for the better for them to present it as a rock song, because a Sanremo ballad in a pool of Sanremo ballads... unless it stands out according to demoscopic & press juries, and there seems to be a no better option at hand that could make them stand out other than just sending a classy ballad, it just fizzles out in a spectacularly lame fashion. Måneskin’s one real shot through was with a song that would make them stand out, and they did it, and they’re here.

Everyone has put in their work, their passion, their skills into this, and it shows off in spades. Måneskin themselves are fantastic and chill human beings, who too, just like Flo Rida, get to enjoy how crazy amazing Eurovision experience is. And for that I salute them with my whole heart. Whatever they do tonight on Eurovision, they’ll leave a lasting mark in it. And for a good reason.

Also an Italian Eurovision edit that doesn’t suck, once again, yay! (In their defense, they didn’t have a whole lot to work with, so they released theirs early - just a few trimmings here and there, and a lyric change so that they skate by EBU easier with their anti-swearing policies. Gahddamn swearing~)

Approval factor: FUCK YES Follow-up factor: The funny thing about this is that last year their entry is about making noise but the song was a love ballad, this year it’s a song titled “shut up and behave” while dressed in a loudest motherfucking musical setting lol. Fuck the rules! It was solely on the Sanremo’s last year’s winner Diodato not to send an entry he thought that would fit for Sanremo, and that’s good on him - he can return next year replenished as all hell, and maybe aim for the trophy again? wishful thinking? aaaa. Anyway on a personal scale “Zitti e buoni” is a marvelous follow-up from “Fai rumore”, even if skipping 2020 entirely, especially after “Soldi”, which was already a fab follow-up after “Non mi avete fatto niente”, and even from “Occidentali’s Karma” on. And so it is subjectively a good follow-up. Italy SLAYS. AQ factor: As I write this, the odds are very much in their favour, if not a little bit too persuaded over the fact that Måneskin gave a good rock performance and knew what they would be doing, or it’s just that the Italians like overbetting for their acts way too damn much. But nevertheless, I just wanna hope for them to break the expectations people set on rock songs in Eurovision and SMASH themselves a victory. Or a top 2. Or a top 5-10. Anything will do, goddamn.

NF CORNER

Well, I promised that I will talk about Sanremo in a NF corner, because this is the first year I actually cared to watch it myself, unlike when I would’ve sided with someone whose reviewing style I love in not caring to watch it, and usually just check all the songs on the last day lol.

One thing about Sanremo that I sorely underestimate is that a handful of artists on there can come across as very versatile, and the one song you loved of one genre they presented several years ago, can be completely different and leave you baffled for days if you’re not very familiarized with their discography and the Italian music scene in general. Which now I’m going to pay an extreme amount of attention towards following Sanremo 2022 on out because hot damn did I never see gems like Willie Peyote coming!

Did I call him a gem over his entry? Yes, somehow. Am I even sure if I’m being serious?

I think I can somewhat agree when I say that for the international fam watching Sanremo at least, “Mai dire mai (La locura)” was a major expectation destroyer, at least for the crowd whose main lookouts in a lineup like this years were Ermal Meta, Annalisa, Arisa, etc. You know they’re gonna bring a ballad, and their ballads are usually decent, but what about the unexpected? That’s where a handful of acts, including Willie, comes in for me. The bass hooks in the second the song starts. The beat is minimalistic but strong enough to slap. The steady rap flow is mesmerizing, paired with that somewhat specifically Italian(?) vocal timbre. The chorus is greatly catchy, and it is a sung chorus, with this song still being largely a rap song. The electric-esque guitar soundwaves interspersed throughout the song are magnificent and magical, and on the chorus they even make a constant melody riff that repeats and may get annoying on multiple listens, but I still adore them. I really love the bridge as well and all that goes into it. A fantastic surprise of the season for me personally.

Now I figure that the lyrics may hinder the enjoyment for some, especially the points raised in some lines that may seem questionable and shady (if this went to Eurovision and got a “twerking” comment on Youtube, I will not be surprised if the description of choice is “patriarchic twerking”), but am I supposed to be fully offended at some points of it if I’m not its target audience, although I see some of what I do nowadays in those lines? “Mai dire mai” is probably dedicated to the Italian media and the Italian trends and what not. I’m not even disappointed it didn’t win, because if it went to Eurovision, it would’ve likely been met like a lesser “Occidentali’s Karma” - catchy song with lyrics that fly over listener’s heads which might as well be very accidentally mocking how we live our lives.

“Mai dire mai” has just less of a memorability-in-history value and no memorable gimmicks (Francesco had a gorilla, what is it visually going for on Willie’s performance?), besides, it would’ve suffered even WORSE post-Eurovision-edit than OK has - a lot of the bits and bobs that pass me by but when I notice them they make a really great entry, but other than the (presumably copyrighted) removal of a sample from a TV series (spoken by a fish character, nonetheless), what else is there to remove???? With Eurovision’s rules specifying that brands (Spotify, TikTok) and swearwords (lots of the good old Italian ones that Italian radios would digitally scratch out to emphasize that there were a LOT in the second verse) can’t be sung live, the song loses some of its lyrical charm. And you can’t just go around the song like Francesco Gabbani chopping off entire verses full of content full of witty lyrics and a reference to Chanel in order to present the more lyrically singable-along-to lines and not let go of the long chorus to whom his gorilla can dance to. “Mai dire mai” is RIFE with lyrics, that’s what a rap song is. It would have absolutely fallen apart.

Also no one paged it as a potential Eurovision winner during Sanremo, at least seriously, and it doesn’t have much that would have clicked with the future Eurovision generation and contestants when they would be asked to name their favourite Eurovision song of all times. In a world where from Italy they really like “Grande amore” and “Soldi” and even sometimes could name “Occidentali’s Karma”, is there really a place for “Mai dire mai (La locura)” over “Zitti e buoni”? Who would be naming that song as their favourite of all time? If you raised a hand, you lie to yourself, because that would’ve been me.

Now I don’t know how many of the Tumblr fam would draw ire at me putting out paragraphs worth of me being ultra positive towards this song, because as I’ve learned, there’s an ironic and unironic audience for Mr. Peyote on Tumblr especially, but for me I guess it was pretty worthy, also a thing I was finally able to yell off my chest since, and now I finally said it, I will continue streaming “Mai dire mai (La locura)” in peace.

He might’ve not won Sanremo, but his song won the equally important Mia Martini Critics Award, and also, my heart. Rest in broken shards of the Boris aquarium, my sweet cynical prince~

Måneskin were my 2nd after him so I’m equally happy they won. But what about my other favourites?

• Extraliscio ft. Davide Toffolo - Bianca luce nera A diluted version of the liscio genre, still makes for a very fascinatingly catchy and swaying song with lots of great instruments that are violins and a clarinet. What I figure is kinda a love song. Their performances were also great, with lots of dancers on stage and a genuinely great fun to be had, and you may remember them more after their performance in cover night, which was titled “Rosamunda”. They were the ones with their main singer’s guitar spinning for whatever reason that was there to make their song catchy, I guess.

• Lo Stato Sociale - Combat Pop A little bit of a far cry from their glory heydays with 2nd place in Sanremo 2018, but they returned with an equally banging song and an amazing set of performance chaos they brought in each and every time - dedicating their first night’s one to making a performance to not forget (and being the ones of two to reference the great Bugo&Morgan incident from last year, the other being Willie Peyote), the second competitive one was for referencing politics, and so on.

• Colapesce & Dimartino - Musica leggerissima Sweet melancholic song with the shades of Sebastien Tellier kinda sound, this song may seem jolly at first, but the especially melancholic undertones denote that there’s something else going on. It’s actually about depression, as that’s what the term “musica leggerissima” (very light music) means. But it still found a heart in Italian listeners and the Italian world finally woke up to how great Antonio Di Martino and Lorenzo “Colapesce” Urciullo are, and a handful of viewers were slightly heartbroken to see it not place in the superfinal top 3. Who knows if they would’ve actually won over Måneskin. I just know that their rollerskater girlie is so damn fine~

Bugo has also returned but I think his redemption arc started off the wrong foot, as his return entry, “E invece si”, was a bloated showtune ballad and got obnoxious to listen to at part. I declared to myself that night when I first heard the new entry that regarding on what made “Sincero” great, I side with Morgan.

And a special shout out to Ghemon, whose 2019 song was more than just a “purple rose” unlike I noted on a last proper Italian entry review. I don’t know what expectations I had for him, but I certainly wanted to love “Momento perfetto” more at the first listen, which was also somewhat of a show-tuney piece, but with a bit more funk and pizzazz, also Ghemon was VERY much vibing with his song, and that made me feel great for the few other performances of it that I saw the following days. It’s definitely a grower song, and around 2 months after Sanremo I fell into a bit of a rabbit-hole of his earlier music discovering, and I may be a bit exaggerating but, give Ghemon a bit more of acknowledgement and a stellar enough song, and with a little bit of magic touch, I can maybe see him lifting the Golden Lion trophy one day. Don’t ask why. (also lovely music video for his 2021 entry, which replaces continuous spinning in an aesthetic area to everybody moving their body in a diner (hopefully with everyone in the MV tested and been negative for long enough for the MV to actually happen).)

NF CORNER (NON-COMPETITIVE)

There’s so much needed to be discussed about there. So I’ll restrict myself to the moments that I remember and cherish:

• Rosario Fiorello. Just. Him.

• And the gentleman next to him, Achille Lauro.

tw // body piercing

Belarus 2018 could never

Fiorello and Lauro are perfect matches to each other’s worlds of imagination, and I was more than ever glad to see so much creativity coming from each one of them, a host and a nightly interval act respectively.

• Once again, “Rosamunda Medley” by Extraliscio, I didn’t watch the cover night in its entirety but I think it’s good enough of a medley if it got a 3rd place from the cover night from the orchestra!

• Sanremo Newcomers section of this year. I liked or vibed to almost every song out of the 8, and I’m decently happy with the winner, but if there’s one big shoutout I really want to make, is to “Regina” by Davide Shorty, for it’s such a cozy funky little love song that always makes me happy when I hear it. My personal winner preference, but I don’t mind Davide getting 2nd! For as long as he gets to place 1st in a future main Sanremo event hihihihihi

• Diodato proving himself to be a dance king at the beginning of his “Che vita meravigliosa” performance, my good Twitter friend made a bunch of videos where he dances to a lot of songs, as per request, check them out and you won’t forget it.

• Since Sanremo 2021 got rid of the audience as per COVID regulations and much to Amadeus’s dread, there ended up quite a handful of audience related memes. Such as the penis balloon et al.

• Remember when Sanremo 2021 audience was supposed to be whisked away in a cruise ship for safety measures? Pepperidge Farm remembers

• SESSO IBUPROFENEEEEEEEE

The guy that sang this song actually has the same birthday as me, so in my eyes, I feel like he has some charm to it. I’m biased lol sorry

There’s way too many more but I am afraid of flooding my post beyond your readability interest. Let’s hope that, in an event of Italy’s victory or non, we’ll get to see an even more iconic event of Sanremo emerge come the future. <3

ANY LAST WORDS?

Måneskin’s big goal was to rock Eurovision, and I think they’ve greatly accomplished that by just... doing what they do best, and that is, rocking. They leave energy lasting for days.

In bocca al lupo, fam. You’ll nail it, and even if you don’t win, Italy shouldn’t not hail you as national heroes after it’s all over.

[bayrut]

thoughts on me 😌 jk Okay, thoughts on every solo album from each former member of one direction (but just the ones you wanna do, don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable 👉🏽👈🏽)

thoughts on ceci: truly iconic i love her. best gifs, edits. funniest person. sweatest heart ever. deserves better. underrated.

i put my thoughts on each solo album under a cut because it got very long (took me 30 mins to write) and sorry i did not proof read i wanna go shower

okay let’s gooo

mind of mine-zayn: i’m gonna be honest, back when it came out i didn’t love it because it wasn’t my music style at all (still isn’t) but i knew it was good. like music can be good even if it’s not my style you know? but i had a few tracks i really loved a lot (for example, it’s you, she, intermission:flower, truth) that i loved a lot. but i have been relistening to the album for the last year and i think it’s really growing on me. but i still dislike pillowtalk, haven’t heard it since it came out, and probably never will again sorry i do not like it

hs1-h: when it came out i listened to it like 1 time, some songs i couldn’t finish, and i honestly don’t remember what they sound like (meet me in the hallway, carolina, only angel, kiwi, ever since new york, woman), the rest (sign of the times, two ghosts, sweet creature, from the dining table) i was like okay, maybe they’ll grow on me, so i listened to them for a while, maybe a month or two, still, they did not grow on me. some of the lyrics are quite sexist imo and make me uncomfortable. then i didn’t listen to them at all, apart for sott since it was played on radios etc. i heard hs1 one last time (not completely, only partly) around july 2018 because i watched a livestream of his last show? but i got bored halfway so didn’t watch it all. it was his only live show i’ve seen videos off. i’ve never heard those two unreleased songs he used to sing live ever (medecine, anna)

flicker-niall: i would like to send a kiss to mr niall james horan i love this album so much!! okay not all songs, but the majority make me feel so warm and i love them!! shout out to this town, seeing blind, paper houses, since we’re alone, flicker, and on my own. i don’t really like on the loose and slow hands, but not because they’re bad, i just can’t relate to them oops. also the orchestra version? amazing, probably the best decision niall has ever done his entire life!!! in conclusion, i love it, what a great opening for his career, iconic, i knew niall would deliver, but, it deserved better.

icarus falls-zayn: thank you king for all this good food i love it. no but really, zayn was like here’s 30 songs enjoy! like wow awesome. ok i don’t love the collabs on it, tbh i don’t listen to them. i like the vibe of the album, the story, the visual videos, etc a lot. it’s a very different feel from mind of mind, very refreshing, i love it a lot. although it’s thirty!!! songs, it leaves me at the edge of my seat asking for more, i can’t wait for his third album. my faves are definitely: let me, natural, common, stand still, flight of the stars, there you are, i don’t mind, satisfaction, entertainer, good years. it has a feel of a 3am drive with a friend, but you’re both not talking and you’re both going nowhere. that sad summer nostalgia. love it, makes me wanna cry.

lp1-liam: i honestly liked liam’s ep, and his singles, a lot better than his album. but he didnt write too many songs on them, it’s a bit weird because i can’t really judge liam’s music from it, since i don’t think it’s completely him. remember and heart meet break are probably my two faves from it.

fine line-h: thank God i have not heard any of those songs, and i hope i never will. i’ve read lyrics of it. very sexist i hate it thanks and can he stop singing about fruit? i like eating fruit he’s ruining it for me

heartbreak weather-niall: okay tbh the teasers were so cute and i was very excited for this album, the whole story concept etc, the colours etc. still to this day idk if i prefer flicker or HW because they’re both really good!! i think in terms of music, you can see a clear evolution from flicker to HW, he improved a lot. but still i love flicker because the songs make me wanna cry. some songs i can’t relate to at all: small talk, arms of a stranger, new angel, etc because niall is horny (which is valid but i’m asexual). but surprisingly i’m addicted to small talk from his live performance... makes me wanna scream i love it. my faves are heartbreak weather, dear patience, everywhere, still. i think still is the best song niall has ever written ever he can’t possibly outshine it it’s too good. 

walls-louis: ok i did them all in chronological order but left walls for the end because i just!!!! love it so much i will cry. there are only 2 artists for which i can not skip any songs at all and louis is one of them i’m not exaggerating. any other artists i like (even like, mika) have made some song-mistakes. louis no. never. never has and never will i know it in my heart. walls means so much to me but before i get into that can i just say i love the 4 pre walls songs???? they deserved better rest in peace 2017!lt1. ok so now walls. it is so personal, the lyrics are so so clever, the music is beautiful. my faves are kill my mind, don’t let it break your heart, two of us, we made it, too young, walls, habit, always you, fearless, perfect now, defenceless, only the brave, (and yes i am adding the japan bonus tracks because i am BITTER), just hold on, miss you. yes i did just list the whole album no i do not care you are not allowed to complain about that. this summer at work i was so bored i’d just sit in the sun and sing all of louis’ discography in my head on loop. and i’d listen to walls 1/2 on my way to work and 1/2 on my way back home. the album is so beautiful ceci sorry i am not making sense i am not eloquent at all but it means so much to me i can’t believe his album was delayed so long. i think because it was delayed, maybe the songs aren’t as coherent as in other albums. so let’s think about that for a second. if it’s a bit patchy and this good, what about lt2? it’s gonna be amazing so good he’s gonna kill it he’s just gonna get better and better and better i can’t wait to see it. i’m so thankful that we are allowed to experience louis as an artist, and louis growing as an artist over the years, because he will, and it’s gonna be so beautiful and i’m gonna cry a lot. my description did not do walls justice but know that i love it a lot okay

ask me about my thoughts on stuff 👀

[anyways-wonderwall]

The Eurovision Special!!

Starting in 2017, I've listened to all the songs in Eurovision every year and anxiously awaited the winner. It started from my desire to listen to more and more foreign music, although I found that maybe this wasn't the best avenue for that as most of the songs are just pop music in English. Even though I only really like 2 songs every year I still keep coming back for more, and was actually really sad when there was no contest last year, which led me to go all in for this one.

I am a sucker for grading things via a spreadsheet, and for this I graded each song on a scale from 1-10 on the singer, song, catchiness, and performance. There was also a bonus category which is where I gave points if I actually liked the song or if it wasn't in English. This means that while generally the songs with a higher score I like more, that's not always the case (oh and the notes were my way of remembering what each song sounded like since there were so many). Well, without further ado, here are my top 5 songs of Eurovision 2021.

5) Belgium- The Wrong Place by Hooverphonic

Score: 25/40

Notes: “I actually really like this one, and the singer hit low notes really well”

Final ranking: 19th

Hooverphonic are among the oldest artists in the competition and you can hear that they know what they're doing. A lot of Eurovision songs are just in your face trying to make something memorable. This song is very low key and clear that they set out to make something that was good above anything else. The vocals are very very smooth and give the song a haunting feeling, and I'm a sucker for a good guitar part.

Most of the songs have both a performance video and a music video, so I just went with whatever was linked on the Eurovision website to give everyone a fair shot. For this song it was the music video, which I also really liked. Like the song it didn't try to be in your face, it told a story, and had some nice shock value to it that wasn't heavy handed.

4) The Netherlands- Birth of a New Age by Jeangu Macrooy

Score: 32/40

Notes: “people hurt and children dying people dying”

Final Ranking: 23rd

Okay the fact that this song didn't place that high is a federal crime because it is so freaking good. What I wrote in the notes is a reference to that one Black Eyed Peas song that I can never remember the lyrics to but this song has the same vibe as that. It's uplifting with a chorus that makes you feel like you belong, something that I didn't know I missed hearing in music.

What I think is especially interesting about this song is the clear African influence you can hear it in. The artist is from South America though, so it is fascinating to see all these cultures mix and then be presented in a European song competition. I think a LOT of focus was put this year on immigrants, with many of the contests having grown up in another country or being first generation. I really hope that trend continues because it led to a huge variety of songs this year and I liked them more than ever before.

3) Portugal- Love is on My Side by The Black Mamba

Score: 33/40

Notes: “Perfect score until he picked up the guitar”

Final Ranking: 12th

Okay this song is so so so good. The singer has a really unique voice and his live performance sounded just as good as a recording. It's wonderfully low key with some nice acoustic guitars and even a French horn solo. A French Horn! This song sounds timeless and I absolutely love it for that.

Now here is the only bad thing I have to say about it. In the performance video right at the end the singer picks up the electric guitar next to him to play the solo at the end. Fine right? Well he didn't have a strap on the guitar. My first thought was “is this mad lad actually about to play a solo like that?” but I was wrong because he totally just pretended to play the solo. It was so obvious that he wasn't actually playing it that it hurt. Just why would you do that. Why.

2) Iceland- 10 Years by Daði Freyr

Score: 38/40

Notes: “Dude it keeps getting better”

Final Ranking: 4th

Okay there is not a single bad thing I can possibly say about this song. It's infectious, it has a killer synth part, a keytar solo, it makes you want to groove, there's a choir, it's Scandinavian, and they even made their own dance for it. Everyone performing this song seems like they are just genuinely having a good time and watching both the performance and the music video makes anyone smile. I keep finding myself listening to this song over and over again and if you listen to anything on this list I really hope it is this one.

1)Italy- Zitti E Buoni by Måneskin

Score: 36/40

Notes: “Mi favorito”

Final Ranking: First!!

Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in Eurovision history my favorite band won the whole thing. I don't think you understand how crazy this is. Usually the song that wins is unlistenable or at least very annoying. For the first time in a while actual talent won and I am beyond shocked. Maybe they needed a year off to think about what good music is. Whatever it took I am so glad that this song is getting the recognition it deserves.

So this one really doesn't fit the description of an average Eurovision song. It's hard rock with the whole song in Italian. The music video is gritty and all of the people in the band are the kids that would be deemed a “bad influence". I have no idea how this even made the cut for Eurovision truthfully. But I'm so glad it did.

The musicianship? Amazing. The vocals? Incredible. The lyrics? Well I know just enough Italian to know that they are about society seeing them as crazy and different. I love this song so much I think I'm going to listen to this entire group's discography, so you may see them in future reviews.

While Eurovision took a year off and devastated the world, I think this year definitely makes up for it. There was a much greater variety of genres this year and I don't think a rock song like this has ever won. I think now they're finally living up to their motto of “celebrating diversity".

(In case you're wondering, my least favorite songs were from Cyprus, Ukraine, and Ireland. All of them are completely unlistenable imo)

[loseyoutoloveme]

rare first impressions review

a “first impressions” review instead of a straight up review since my opinions will def change over time

RARE:

i’ve been listening to the demo for over a year and it’s so cool to see how different it sounds w her voice

“burning toast in the toaster” is such an offbeat lyric. almost jarring in its banality, i love it

the glo up from revival to this....... going from wondering “maybe i should be more like her” in perfect to shouting “i’m not gonna beg for you, i’m not gonna let you make me cry, not getting enough from you, didn’t you know i’m hard to find?” we love a liberated queen so much

this is super fun and great but i played the shit out of the demo in 2018 which makes it feel a lil less exciting. i should have waited rip. still love it tho.

9/10

DANCE AGAIN:

“confidence is throwing your heart through every brick wall”

this is so different?????? love to see experimentation, not my fav sound she’s ever tried out i don’t think, but i do like it, v fun

“all the trauma’s in remission” (trauma or drama????? idk)

sounds very starboy inspired at times, at least abelena gave us this

“vulnerable ain’t easy, believe me, but i go there”

actually, almost a return to stars dance at moments???? in a way more mature, fully realized way... which is so cool when the whole theme of the album and its imagery seems to be looking back at your past self and celebrating yourself for overcoming so much, and also, like she said taylor told her, reclaiming the happiness that has been taken from you and letting yourself return to a happier version of yourself, the truest version of yourself that wasn’t being pulled down and abused. like stars dance was her big dance edm record and i know it’s not a celebrated work of hers lol but there is so much beauty in making a song that says “feels so good to dance again” and going back to that sound for 1 song, remembering what it’s like to feel light, to just dance.

(adding this after my second listen: WAY better with a second listen)

7.5/10

LOOK AT HER NOW:

a forever bop

we love her

“of course she was sad but now she’s glad, she dodged a bullet, took a few years to soak up the tears but look at her now watch her go”

8.5/10

LOSE YOU TO LOVE ME:

yes yes yes yes yes yes

we stan forever

“this dancing was killing me softly, i needed to hate you to love me”

absolutely the rawest, most vulnerable track in her discography, which is saying a lot

“in 2 months you replaced us like it was easy, made me think i deserved it in the thick of healing”

i think what i love so much about this era, about the things that she’s saying in interviews, about the messages she’s sharing in these lyrics so far, is like... not apologizing to her abuser, not making excuses for him, not letting his actions destroy her confidence. comparing the lyrics of revival to this, it’s so clear that there’s been such a change in mentality, such a maturing process, that revival was very much still in the midst of it all and that it’s finally over now. no “i’ll always have love for him,” no “everything happens for a reason,” no “i miss you,” no “what did i do wrong?” there is SO much strength in saying “actually, you know what i really didn’t deserve that and i do not love you anymore and losing you is the best thing that ever happened to me” and simply leaving it at that. forgiveness and love is NOT always essential to moving on!! sometimes that chronic forgiveness is just detrimental and the best thing u can do for yourself is say “FUCK YOU” and leave.

10/10

RING:

“i’m one in a billion baby, don’t you agree?”

this sounds SOOOOOOOOOOOO FUCKING GOOOOOOODDDDDD

nothing else to say like...... period....... 

100000/10

VULNERABLE:

“wrap your arms around my weakness”

this is not at all what i expected and is so good

saw everyone saying this is delicate’s sister and it’s so true

the strength and beauty in being completely devastated by a person and still being like... i won’t let it make me cold....... :(

9/10

PEOPLE YOU KNOW:

now this is camouflage’s sister. i love that nostalgia is at the core of so many of selena’s songs like wow she’s truly a cancer huh...... the pain of growing up and becoming a different person and knowing you need to let go of a person that you experienced so much with in such formative years but letting go of them feels like not only letting go of the good memories but letting go of the self that you were when they loved you, when things were good...... ugh

“i never know when enough is enough” hit me right in the heart

this sounds so good... incorporating the edm sound that she experimented with in the droplets but not going all the way there, just kind of letting it exist in that in between....... love

10/10

LET ME GET ME:

“me and this spiral are done, burn this camouflage i’ve been wearing for months, tryna let a little happy in for once” BEAUTIFUL

“take that tired heart and go and turn it inside out” wow.....

this is so sexy and empowering

noticing ur tendency to self-sabotage and overthink and be toxic towards urself..... when ur so used to toxicity and pain that u forget what it’s like to live without it...... but then breaking that pattern and letting urself just LIVE for a moment......

i’m still thinking about “me and this spiral are done, burn this camouflage i’ve been wearing for months” like wtfffffff 

it’s like a self-aware, realistic me & my girls lol 

i didn’t expect to like this one tbh bc it kinda faded into the background of the tracklist and i forgot it existed, but she snapped

9/10

CROWDED ROOM:

her voice sounds so cute and suits this sound so well

“yeah i was afraid but you made it safe, i guess that is our combination, said you feel lost, well so do i” SOFFFFTTTTT.... TENDERRRRRR

again, honestly didn’t expect to totally love this one but I LOVE THIS ONE!!!!!!

“the world keeps on spinning but i ain’t dizzy yet”

this 6lack feature fits well and is a great addition, his voice really suits the song

1000/10

KINDA CRAZY:

an original sg2 track we stan

“but slowly all the sugar, it went to waste” :(

say my name vibes in the chorus lyrics. love!

“you’ve been lyin just for fun, luckily no damage done” LOVE!

“now you’re treatin me like i’m insane... YOU’RE insane!” SNAPPPPPEDDDDD OMG..... YESSSS BITCHHHH

oh my god the snippet that we’ve been listening to for 3 years lol

this is...... STELLARRRRRR BITCH!!!!!

10/10

FUN:

“my kind of trouble likes your trouble too”

the sigh before the chorus!!!! 

I LOVEEEE THIS

“you get me higher than my medication” we-

this is rare’s hands to myself tbh

this chorus is so good 

9.5/10

CUT YOU OFF:

i was most excited for this one!!! based off the snippets she shared in the trailer

“gotta chop chop all the extra weight, been carrying you for fourteen hundred sixty days, gotta gotta gotta clean my slate” OOOOOOOF

“HOW COULD I CONFUSE THAT SHIT FOR LOVE” AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this chorus is EXACTLY my vibe tbh this song was made for me lmao

“i imagine all the endless places i could know with a drop drop and i’ll let you go, all the possibilities i got from head to toe, yeah they’d yeah they’d yeah they’d start to show” WHEW BITCH!!!!!!! realizing this dead fucking weight is holding you down... realizing you will be FREE you will be GOOD you will be HAPPY without him. the way that dropping him will be liberating and will open up the whole world for you!!! AHHH! LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!!!!

this guitar solo, ABSOLUTE chef’s kiss! selena GETS me!

10000000/10 YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

A SWEETER PLACE:

“red lips french kiss my worries all away” ummmmmmm *billy eichner voice* GO LESBIANS LET’S GO HERE WE GO LESBIANS HERE WE GO LESBIANS COME ON

“felt what real is like” 🥺

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I CAN BE LOUD, HOLDING HANDS WITH THE DARKNESS AND KNOWING MY HEART IS ALLOWED” THE BEST LYRIC IN HER DISCOGRAPHY THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

tbh i don’t really love the chorus except for the “oo-oo-oo-oo” part at the end but it works with the song and is something i’ll love with time

kid cudi’s verse really adds to the song, i’m glad the features are used to add to the song rather than just being thrown in out of nowhere

8.5/10

[darknytemare]

No Words  -Interlude-

[A/N - felt the need to roll back before moving forward. So, you’ll get two releases this weekend! This is the first of two, maybe 3? Then we’ll get back to the present next week! Thank you for reading this mess of a story!]

BTS - V Imagine - Tall Girl - Interracial - Interlude [Flashback]

2 Years Ago.

Lucky.

You couldn’t have asked for a situation to be luckier.  Her heartbeat could have doubled as a production drum track. One of her classmates, another girl from the inner city, looked bored as they sat in the auditorium. They both wanted to make music, good music - interesting music. They wanted to be at the forefront of technology and techniques for producing. They wanted the keys to the kingdom of hit songs. 

The college decided that they could only get that experience - by working with the best of the best. They had invited a range of performers to come and discuss their methodology. Each had a formula that worked for them. Each performer had a story to connect to their songs. It wasn’t about the number one hit, it was about making honest music. About being true to themselves in the best way they can. Especially in an industry, and a country, that didn’t always accept differences. 

She had been listening to various music styles, genres, and languages from a young age. It started in Jr. High, taking Spanish in 7th grade. She followed that throughout her High School time. She’s not embarrassed to say that Ricky Martin was apart of her foray into the Latin sounds. She listened to older songs, love songs, the music, and the story enthralled her. Japanese animation spurred her love for J-Rock and J-Pop. X-Japan dragged her into the world, Dir en Grey kept her attention. She was in love with Visual Kei. Old rock, alternative rock, a smidge of country, and anything with a beat that caused her to lean her head toward it. She was an audiophile, plain, and simple. 

Lead by a thin thread of melody until she had to devour the whole discography of an artist. She wanted to know all the ins and outs of the industry. Granted, there were other worthwhile fields to explore, so she was told. There was almost an expectation of finding easy money in business or even medical fields. She wrote poetry and song lyrics as long as she could remember. Music had been apart of the highs and lows of her life. She could associate a song for every pivotal moment of her life. The playlist spanned generations and the globe. It started when someone introduced her to Super Junior. Then it spiraled into 2NE1, Shinhwa, and the list went on and on. 

She was so thankful her family didn’t try to limit her. Her parents expected her to be open-minded to the world around her. It was something instilled in her upbringing. That open-minded was the bane of her existence during her high school years, unfortunately. In a place where anything different made you strange or weird. She didn’t care for the urban selections that most of her friends were into. 

There were times when her father put on his old school albums that she felt a connection. She wanted the story of music. She wanted the lyrics to strike her heart. That’s what she wanted in her music. She tried to write music, make music like that. All the artists she admired took chances, grew, and came back with something new. 

And now?

She was sitting in an auditorium waiting for the most significant thing in music to come speak to their group. 

She had a plethora of questions, worries, and fears. Everyone on the planet had heard about BTS at this point. There were a few of them who had managed to jump on the train early. Especially finding that they were working with legends in the rap community. Some watched expecting a spectacle - and to a degree? It was a spectacle.

Some wanted to see the thinking process of pinnacles of music that filled many a block party or high school dance. Let’s not forget backyard BBQs and family gatherings. Songs that whether you cared for the genre or not? Still managed to cause your body to move.

An elbow dug into her side as her friend stared wide-eyed at the line of men entering the auditorium. They were all seated semi-circle on the stage. BTS stood in front as the students clapped.

The boys had soft, quiet, smiles waving as RM straightened with a soft phrase. It was almost military in precision as they saluted, bowed, and introduced themselves. They each took a moment to say hello in English at that. She tilted her head as they spoke. 

It’s always a treat to hear a singer’s speaking voice. Some sharply contrasted their sounds. Others were no different from one to the other. She enjoyed the vocal textures, rich, or light tones as they spoke. Her friend saw her grinning like an idiot as her eyes rolled.

“Girl, get yourself together!” Tasha finally whispered to her. There was a thick swallow as she realized what she’d been doing. The boys were provided seats and microphones. They were treated to an acoustic version of one of their songs. To see the look of shock on the other student’s faces was an absolute treat. 

She could only smile as time seemed to zip by. Filled with questions and curiosities. She asked all the questions she could. Always sure to ask for clarification, examples, and advice. RM was ready with a smooth, dimpled smile as he translated. 

They all had solos under their belts at this time. So it was interesting to hear their thought processes. They all had one thing in common, though. The need to tell a story and convey emotion. To make sure that those who heard their music heard a message. It had been the most successful tactic thus far.

“So that ends our time. Everyone lets give BTS a round of applause!” The professor stood, the students followed. The boys bowed again and joined in the applause. They all gathered to shake hands, thanking them for taking time out of their grueling schedule. 

RM raises his hands, spreading them wide. “Thank you for your time! We’ll see you tonight!” Everyone stared blankly at him, then their professor, who smiled widely. “Oh, I forgot to mention. We have permission to go backstage and watch operations for a tour.” To say that the sound that rose from the sudden silence was almost choral? It echoed off the walls as hands shook vigorously, shoulders were clapped - and the excitement caused tears. 

“Alright, let’s get a picture!” The professor tried to get them all to find a spot. She managed to shake hands with most of the boys. Before she got a chance to shake Taehyung’s hand, they were being herded for a photo. She wound up, almost stepping on his foot as she tried to find a comfortable position. She wanted to shrink into nothingness. There was a bit of jostling before they used the bleachers to get them higher. She remembered one of the first words of Korean she’d learned. An apologetic smile as she mumbled an apology. Tae gave that infamous boxy smile with a wave of his hand. Tasha pulled her close as they sat on the bleachers smiling as the picture was taken. “Alright, you guys, meet back here in an hour - we’ll get shuttled to the stadium. Make sure you have your IDs..” The professor went on about etiquette, decorum, and rules. Nobody was listening - there was too much of a buzz about the show. They dispersed, waving the band members off. She bit into the bottom of her lip as they disappeared. 

“Oh. My. God!” Tasha grabbed her and spun around. They laughed as she eyed her friend. 

“Wait a minute, you were unimpressed just about an hour ago.” Tasha’s brow shot up with a devious grin. 

“Girl, we get to go behind the scenes of the hottest tour yet! I may not understand anything - but I’m happy for the opportunity.” Tasha laughed as she tapped the base of a high ponytail. She pursed her lips, swinging its length. “Honey, that RM, though?” Ah, how many times had she heard that?

“Come on, I have to make sure you don’t embarrass me,” Tasha smirked, yanking her by the arm.

“W-what? That’s mean, Tasha!” She frowned slightly as the other woman rolled her eyes. 

“It’s the truth.” She quipped as they hurried across the campus to her dorm. 

“We’re going backstage, there’s nothing to dress for.” She kept the frown on her face Tasha bouldered into her apartment and pulled her in. 

“Hush! Shower, now!” Tasha was taking no excuses as she pointed to the bathroom. 

She grunted, rolling her eyes trudging to the bathroom. 

Tasha respected her need to stay ‘practical’ about everything. She preferred oversized shirts, nearly formless skirts, and pants. Her friend wasn’t about that tonight. Tasha stuck her in a pair of jeans, a button-down shirt slightly tucked. She wore a pair of ankle boots accented with a silver chain. And by the time Tasha finished with her makeup? She hardly recognized herself. 

“T-Tasha, I think you went a little overboard?” Her friend had just finished her own face. The subtle smokey eye with lower-liner really made her eyes pop! Tasha smirked as she grabbed their bags and pushed her out of the door. 

“You’re not used to wearing makeup. Of course, you’d think it was too much.” The other woman rolled her eyes as they sprinted back to the meetup spot with minutes to spare. They all clambered on the shuttle. 

All of a sudden, they were there. This was real. 

They were walked through the various crew hiding spots. The makeshift dressing spaces underneath the stage. Everything was centrally located for the ease of the members.  The head PD was showing the group the setups, the chasers, and they finally arrived in ‘Monitor World.’ The place that was basically production HQ.

Some took notes, some lingered in the back looking around. Not her, no. She wanted to know what buttons did what. She wanted to know how they were sure that the upper-level fans could hear appropriately.

There were a few people with her curious about various other things. They could hear the crowd until they queued the chase pattern for the opening song. The boys rose from a floor lift. The group went wild as they started in on Blood, Sweat & Tears. 

Walkie talkies were going off left and right. Every time something could possibly go wrong? It was pointed out, corrected, and communicated. It was a tight run ship. They moved along to the area under the stage, just as the boys were lowered for a set and costume change. 

They were breathing heavy, sweating, and peeling their costumes off. There were people on the sides taking them, ushering them into the makeshift spaces. The students stayed back out of the way. The transition was so fast the students couldn’t help but stare wide-eyed. They made it back to the control hub. 

As if to make sure they were paying attention? The Head PD asked them to point out what they remembered. Tasha nudged her with a thumbs up. You got this, she mouthed. Everyone shifted on their feet as they fought to not being first. 

She straightened her posture as she stepped forward. “I’d like to give it a try.” The Head PD double-blinked as stood next to him. Ah, it was probably her height. She offered a gentle smile and nod, “If that’s ok?” 

“Please do. The routine is the same as before.” He smiled with his walkie talkie in hand. She took a deep breath, stepping closer to the operators at the panel. A headset sat on her head as the plethora of voices filled her ear.

The Head PD let them know that a student was making the calls, but he was overseeing. Two more students joined the panel board, the techs looking over their shoulders and pointing out controls.

She counted them down for each new element. 

The lights went dark as the chase pattern activated. They could do this - she could do this.

45 very long minutes later?

“Holy fuck, you did it?!” Tasha grabbed her in a frantic hug. “Y-you really fucking did it! I was scared shitless, man!” Her mind was still hazy over what just occurred. Tasha looped their arms together as the concert sailed to a close. They stood in the back eyes trained to the fireworks display above them.

“I thought I was going to vomit.” She admitted quietly. Tasha moved rainbow-colored braids from her face. 

“You should be proud of yourself.” They shared a smile as the professor rounded them up again. They followed the road crew as the stage was broken down. The last fans had long gone, and they were all alone again. The trucks, vans, and equipment checked and secured. She had followed the equipment with a few other students. They watched the breakdown and helped to carry pieces to be stored. There were, of course, a few quips of concern as she hauled a miniature subwoofer to the van. 

She politely reinforced her ability to contribute and promptly turned with the item in hand. She rolled up her sleeves, forearms contracting as she moved along the corridor. Ah, why did she let Tasha try to doll her up? The familiar burn in her muscles ebbed away as she handed the equipment to the technical director. She was at home when she could tomboy her way through situations.

She offered a bow turning to make her way back to the main group. A moment too long of watching everything around her left her in an area she didn’t recognize. A frown as she spun in a circle taking the next left turn under the created passageways - and she slammed into something.

“Ah!” A voice, male exclaimed as she staggered backward. 

She stumbled, and that someone, thankfully, pulled her arm hard to keep her from landing on her rump. She sucked in a breath as her gaze lifted. “Shit! I’m sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was-” A grunt rumbled through the air as her eyes went wide. “Oh.” 

Kim Taehyung was plucking the final buttons from his shirt. His gaze lowered to the floor as he fought off exhaustion. They had to get changed to meet up on the stage again. It took him a little longer to get the cramps out of his legs. He barely made out a shadow before his body collided with it. 

He saw her bounce from foot to foot before he pulled her arm. He heard the remorse in her voice as she rambled. His brow furrowed as she spoke too quick for him to pick out words. He still had his fingers wrapped around her forearm as she looked up at him. 

She smelled ... magnificent. His lashes lowered, nostrils flaring, on an inhale. She watched the perfect heart shape of his mouth part softly. She lowered her gaze to the expanse of flesh in her face. He was one button away from a cheesy romance novel cover. 

They stood in silence, trading body heat before she glanced at the long fingers burning into her skin. Their gazes locked again, “You should be more careful.” He rumbled softly. Her lip caught between her teeth as she nodded rapidly.

“R-right. I’m sorry. Thank you.” She coughed softly, stepping away from him. His fingers still lingered until they loosened. Her eyes were wide as she turned on her heel, trying to get back out to the main walkway without that hint of desperation in her steps.

Tasha came rounding the corner at that very moment. “Hey! They’re waiting on us on stage for a final picture. Come on! I’m not missing this because of you.” Her friend yanked her along with a stupid grin on her face. 

“Tae, Hyung, come on!” Jeongguk showed up as Tae went in the opposite direction. The maknae let him in their makeshift space. He helped Tae peel out of a sweaty costume. “I can’t wait to get some food and a beer.” Tae shrugged on a turtle neck, an oversized sweatshirt, and black slacks. 

“That makes two of us.” The visual croaked tiredly. “Come on, then.” Jeongguk gave that bunny-like smile as he dragged Tae toward the stage. Tae sulked, “What are you doing?”

Jeongguk’s brow shot up as they walked into the wings. “We have to take a picture with the class from earlier!” Tae rolled his eyes as he was dragged out. They made it in time for Namjoon to address everyone.

“It’s been an absolute pleasure to meet you all. Good luck in the future. Please wish us well - and maybe? We’ll see you backstage with us someday!” There was a round of applause as everybody tried to find a spot to fit in the picture. Tasha winked as she made her way over to squeeze near Namjoon.

The betrayal of it all! She laughed as Tasha found a sweet spot to brag about later. She, on the other hand, wanted to just kneel down the front. The professor frowned with a wave of her hand, “Come on, you know you’re too tall up here! Stand back there.” There was a grimace on her face as she moved to the back. They were staged in layers again. 

“Everybody in!” She felt jostled as arms pulled against her shoulders. Before she had a moment to register anything? Jeongguk squeezed on one side of her, his arm around Taehyung, who squeezed on the other. 

Students, Staff, and Band, were connected in the joy of a show well done. The camera flashed, and she smiled on autopilot. A few flashes, more applause, and she was quick to escape the trap she found herself in. 

Jeongguk had caught a whiff of something pleasant, tilting his head curiously at the tall female. Both he and Tae seemed to find each other’s gaze as they flitted looks at the woman between them. 

She turned to shake their hands with a quiet thank you. Both of them seemed to take TOO LONG to let her hand go. She beat feet in Tasha’s direction as soon as she could. Tasha had this dreamy look on her face after speaking to Namjoon for a few minutes.

“Is this what heaven is like?” Tasha’s eyes were glassy and hooded. You’d think the girl finished smoking an exquisite bouquet of thc studded sticks. 

“It could be, Tash. It could be.” She smiled, turning to look at the empty stadium. The students have all huddled together once again. The professor was talking with the TDs and PDs, even Namjoon was there. There was a look of stern concentration on various faces. A cellphone in the middle of the group seemed to be the main focus. 

The chill in the air didn’t phase them as they spoke of their experience. They lamented their mistakes. They reveled in techniques to apply later. They were buzzing with excitement and a renewed appreciation for following their current educational path.

“Ok, everyone, listen up!” Their professor walked back over with a massive smile on her face. Tasha was rambling with her arms wrapped around her frame. She could see the heat of breath wavering in the air. The professor’s excitement was palpable with a gesture back to the team behind her. Suddenly, she could feel her heart thundering against her rib cage. Maybe the others could hear it too? They all got quiet.

They were all staring at each other, then at her. Her mouth was half-open as white noise filled her head. Her brow furrowed deeply as others around her wore looks of shock and disbelief. Then there was more applause.

Tasha grabbed her, jumping up and down, her voice pitched to shrieking. She felt her body shake as she turned the dazed look to her friend. 

W-wait, what?

Tasha cupped her face and looked ready to cry. She blinked down into her friend’s face, prepared to be violently sick.

She turned back to the professor, catching the end of her statement as her hearing filtered back in.

“...you passed…” Her eyes went wide. “...intense work-study opportunity…” She was surely going to be sick. “...traveling with the tour…” More applause. “You’ll still need to complete courses, you'll be provided with online links.” She staggered into Tasha, who laughed even louder.

“We wanted to see how this first run would work, and you surpassed all expectations. Congratulations, you’ll set the tone for the future students of the program.”

You blinked back tears as you engulfed Tasha in a hug. Not only were you all going to be able to get the first-hand experience? You’ll get it with BTS. It all made sense as to why they required a passport as an admission qualification. The professor stepped away to join the technical team while you all rejoiced. Namjoon and the rest of BTS gathered to shake your hands, and offer their congratulations.

Comments expecting good things ahead were traded. She was happy. This was unbelievable - a stroke of luck. 

Tasha managed to steal a hug from Namjoon, crying almost harder when she turned around. A firm hand landed on her own, leaving her with a beaming Jeongguk. A half bow, a smile, a nod of thanks as he lingered. Taehyung all but moved the maknae aside to get her hand in his again. 

He had that arrogant tilt to his head. The tip of his tongue caught between his teeth as he lifted her hand. The light caught the dark chocolate of his gaze as he let his breath ghost across her knuckles. 

He eased up, flashing a boxy smile before grabbing Tasha, doing the same. She shook off the strangeness of it all, turning to her friend with open arms. 

“We did it!” 

Their arms looped as they finally made their way off stage. The shuttle was waiting to get them to a small celebration. She still couldn’t help looking over her shoulder. For just a moment, she felt something staring a hole into her shoulder from the shadows.

Her brow furrowed as Tasha pulled her attention forward. 

...just missing the two silhouettes lingering in the wings.

[wickymicky]

you know, i used to say that Egoist or Hi High were my number one favorite kpop songs (it went back and forth, i think i was most vocal about Egoist being my number one but there were times when i felt like it was Hi High), but like... idk... like aside from So What, i feel like i’ve barely listened to Loona at all so far this year, and honestly it’s been like six or seven months, maybe eight or nine, since i regularly listened to Loona every day (again, aside from So What).... i’ve listened to Egoist, a song that i considered my favorite kpop song hands down for the majority of the time i’ve been into kpop, like ten times this year and that’s it... and some of those times were because i had the thought “oh jeez i havent listened to this song in a long time, i should do that... i’m betraying it...”

i wonder if i only kept saying/thinking that egoist is my favorite kpop song because i said it once and i had to stick to it... i think its pretty clear to any mutuals i have that my actual favorite kpop song is something like picky picky though, a song i actually post about all the time and listen to really frequently...

:/

so yeah, there’s no easy way to say this, but it really feels like i’m hanging on to Loona out of a sense of loyalty more than anything else :( it’s hard to put into words but listening to Loona feels kinda different these days. knowing more about how they decided things on the fly and how rushed the selection of the final members was (and how little the members were told) kinda... like... doesn’t it change how you listen to a song like New or Egoist? it certainly gives a lot more context to Yves being really shy in those first loonatvs she was in... and Olivia’s experience with her debut was such a whirlwind, like, she was just kind of thrust into the group... i have soooo much respect for all the members for being able to handle it, and i think it’s a fuckin miracle that it worked and they ended up with twelve incredible members, all of whom are so talented and any group would be lucky to have them, but even still just... some of the fun is lost a little bit for me. and I can’t listen to Everyday I Love You, one of my favorite Loona songs, without thinking of how much Vivi’s potential has been wasted. it turned a song that i have fun while listening to into one that makes me frustrated or sad. 

for whatever reason, i feel less of that when listening to ot12 stuff, even if some members get shit for lines, tho tbh, and this is a really hot take and i’m sorry... but i’m really mostly just into their three title tracks (and Favorite i guess), i rarely listen to their bsides.. they don’t hit me the same way, i guess. anyway though it’s the predebut stuff that makes me frustrated or sad. i cant help but empathize and think of what they must be feeling in the predebut era... happiness and excitement sure, but also nervousness, anxiety, stress, etc... the one by one debut concept was novel and it ended up working out in a sense, but at what cost? it was able to work out because the yyxy members were brought in at the last minute, Hyeju literally with only like 24 hours before they were gonna reveal the next member, and with all the changes we know about like Vivi probably being intended to be in OEC and things like that, and trainees that BBC had who for whatever reason ended up being rejected also probably at the last minute in favor of the yyxy members who were brought on... sigh... idk

it feels like it’s getting harder and harder to be a fan of this group, too. as they get more popular and more recognition, the fandom is growing, and with that comes a lot more drama, none of which i particularly care about (aside from the stuff relating to the group itself, as i’ve been talking about). they got their first win, and i was happy at the time, but... i’m worried about their future. it’s not that i wish they didnt get their first win, it’s just... i hope this doesnt make BBC feel validated in overworking and over-controlling them, you know? i want to believe that a lot has changed for the better since after Butterfly, especially when Jaden Jeong left, but we just have no way of knowing that for sure. there’s evidence for both sides, so at the end of the day, all we can do is speculate, and that doesnt really help anything. 

it sucks to admit this to myself but i feel like i’m losing interest in this group because of all this. whenever i’ve watched loona content from the So What era, sometimes they do seem happy, but even then there’s this feeling that they’re stressed and tired. are they happy? again, we can only speculate, so it’s best not to, but i cant stop my idiot brain from assuming the worst and picking up on signals that might not even actually be there, it’s just confirmation bias. maybe i only feel like theyre not at 100% because i’m already worried theyre not at 100%, you know? hmmm. also, i just... don’t think i feel the same connection with this group that i used to. maybe i never really did, tbh. they were my first group, my introduction to kpop, and i genuinely love some of their stuff still, but i feel like as i’ve gotten sooooo much more understanding of this whole kpop industry and i can put loona’s discography in context with aaaaaallllllll the other kpop songs i’ve listened to.... i feel like a lot of their stuff hasn’t aged as well as i would want, for me. you know how sometimes you wonder how much of what you like is really stuff you like, and how much is only because other people like it so you subconsciously feel you have to too? well, at first i would have said i genuinely love all of it and i could explain why, but idk i think i was convincing myself of some of it... as ive found more stuff that i genuinely love, it becomes clearer what are my things and what arent, you know? when i only knew 30 kpop songs and had 5 super-favorites, it was easier to overestimate some things, but now that i know hundreds and have a really deep pool of super-favorites, some of that early stuff i found is overshadowed, i guess. maybe egoist isnt as special to me anymore cause like.. at the time, i hadnt heard many kpop songs like it, but now... i have. and some of them do what it does just as well................. if not better............... sigh, i feel like im punching my past self in the gut

if this hurts you to read cause you’re a huge orbit, trust me, i know what you mean, it hurts to admit this. it kinda sucks to realize that you’re slowly losing interest in something you once loved and was incredibly important to you. 

oh and by the way, when i talk about losing interest, i dont mean that i dont care about loona anymore lmao, i just mean theyre going from my number 1 or 2 or 3 spot down to like my number 5 or 6 or 7 spot haha, alongside other groups that i like a lot but don’t follow the same way i follow my ults. so like even if i continue feeling this way about them, theyre still one of my favorite groups lol. like i guess i would kinda place them around where i would place twice or another group like that in my top 10? anyway... i just had to get this all off my chest. it started out being a post just about egoist and kinda hi high too, but then i realized i had a lot more to say haha, sorry. hopefully this doesnt upset anyone, idk, i hope you understand where im coming from :(

[lemonietrinket]

Always Find Me, Yeah? ||| Stray Kids, Soft Apocalypse AU ||| Chapter Two

Summary: The anniversary of The Change, a surge in natural disasters caused by climate change that knocked the modern world back into the dark ages, is nearing. After losing contact with the rest of the group who remained stranded on the mainland, Chan and Felix are offered an opportunity to get them back. Now, they’ve just got to find them.

Genres: Dystopia/Utopia, Adventure, slight Angst (moreso at the beginning), Fluff I guess

Warnings: It is an apocalypse scenario, things might be a little bleak for some? Also it’s stupidly self-indulgent

Word Count: 2.4K

Other Chapters:   Chapter One Chapter Two

AN: This is not only my first fanfic on Tumblr, but also my first fanfic in years, so I may be a lil’ rusty. My apologies if it’s trash. I don’t really know what I’m doing. It’s also a multiparter, and I feel like it’s going to be super long so, oops. Thanks for reading!

The rain pattered against the window, running in small threads down into the gutters lining the road. The rumbling of the wind resembled thunder and drummed its irregular beat through the studio, lit only by a single sliver of glass. The beam of the morning light illuminated the monitor screen alone, the rest of the desk wedged in darkness, leaving a blade of reflected glare to cut at his eyes. Chan was perched on the edge of his chair. He’d wheeled it away from the table and into the dead centre of the room, directly below the shattered crown of the broken lightbulb. If he looked down he would be able to see where one of the shards had scraped at the varnish of the wood, but he didn’t. His focus was ensnared by his desktop, with his software and microphone sat dusty and neglected. The plugs remained switched on at the walls, on the off-chance that they would miraculously carry a current once again. But he knew it wasn’t going to happen. 

He cursed in his head. Why had he relied so closely on technology? If he hadn’t he wouldn’t have lost everything. But he had. He could hear the songs so strongly inside his skull but they were gone now, stored within the clasps of a cloud that had risen out of reach. He had his acoustic guitar of course, and it sat in the corner behind him, but no one had asked him to play and so that had been neglected too. It wasn’t the same either. His style had been permeated with electronic melodies and beats that no instrument could replicate. Instruments were embroidered within the songs but he’d always used technology to embellish them, make them his own. They could be reperformed acoustically, but acoustic covers were considered bonuses to the originals. Even if he wrote out every single musical part from memory onto paper, the songs would never be the same. His entire discography was lost.

Mixtape #2 was perhaps the only one that could still be performed.  

He caught his hand stretch towards the guitar while his feet shifted to push the chair back so he could reach. He halted himself just as his fingertips brushed the fretboard. He pulled away, just clipping one of the strings so that it made a withered, offkey hum.

Part of him wanted to pick it up, wipe off the dust, and nurse it back into tune. That part of him wanted to take the guitar with him, but the rational brain silenced the whim immediately. There was no space for a whole guitar, and his rucksack was heavy enough without another weight to haul around. However, the longer he stared at it, the worse the longing became. So he swiftly strode out of the room, closing the door behind him, keeping his eyes to the tiles.

He bundled down the stairs, almost tripping over his own feet, though before he could fetch Felix, he had to check in elsewhere first. He turned the corner into the dining room, where he found Lucas sat up the table, scrawling tinily with a nearly blunt pencil.

“What have you got there, bud?” Chan asked, drawing up a chair.

“Song lyrics,” Lucas replied, eyes still very much focused on the paper. 

“Ooh! Can I see them?” he leant over the table playfully, as his brother quickly pulled the sheet away, shooting him an eye smile.

“No, you can’t see them! Not yet.”

Chan pouted. “Please…!”

“No!”

When he heard him laugh, he finally felt a little more at ease. “Oh alright, but promise me you’ll let me read them when I get back?”

Lucas shook his head even more strongly this time, “Nope!”

“But why not?” Chan cried, folding his arms. 

“Because I’ll sing them, so you won’t have to read it.” He returned to writing, the words packed together as tightly as he could. In fact, Chan wasn’t sure he would have been able to read it if he’d been allowed to try. 

“Well, that’s a fair answer. I look forward to it! Though,” he leant his chin on his palm, “why are you writing so small?”

“To save paper. Mum said there wasn’t much left.”

“Ahh, that is true, there isn’t much plain paper left” he nodded, before whispering, “but there is some proper sheet music paper in my studio if you ever want to use it.”

The boy’s head shot up, “Really?! I can go in your studio?!”

“Of course! But, you could always go in my studio…?” he replied confusedly.

“No, Dad said I couldn’t,” Lucas sulked, “he says the stuff in there is expensive, and if I broke it I would be in humongous trouble, so he said that it’s probably better I didn’t.”

Chan rose from his chair. “Well, I say that the stuff in there is expensive, but doesn’t work anymore so there are no worries about them being broken. And since you’ve got more of a muse going than me,” he gestured to the sheet of paper, “then I say the studio is better in your hands than mine. The acoustics there are great, you know?”

“Are you leaving now?” Lucas questioned, suddenly very urgently.

“Well, I gotta pick up Felix first, otherwise he’ll get lost, and we don’t want tha- oof!”

The boy launched himself onto Chan, wrapping his arms around his waist that he could barely breathe. “Please don’t be long,” he mumbled into his sweater, “I don’t want to forget how the song goes.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” Chan hugged him back, peering down at his younger brother who was most certainly growing much faster than he expected. “And at this rate, maybe we’ll have someone in the house that can reach the top shelf!”

Lucas giggled, gazing up at him with shining eyes. “I will grow taller than you!”

“Of course you will, bud,” he ruffled his hair, and as much as it pained him, he shifted his weight backwards, so that Lucas knew it was time to pull away. As soon as he caught a glance of a tear tracing down his cheek he knelt down and wiped it away. “Hey, hey, it’s not like I’m going forever!”

“I know,” he wavered, “it’s just, you’ve only just come back and now you’re going again. I asked Mum what the land is like, and she said she didn’t know. I asked Dad what the land was like and he didn’t know either! There could be pirates or zombies or something!”

Chan chuckled, hushing him gently. “I am sure that there’s no pirates or zombies - or zombie-pirates!” he added before Lucas could. “I’ve just got to go check on my friends to make sure they’re ok, and bring them home where it’s safe.”

Lucas thought for a moment. “So it’s not safe there?”

“I… yes, no, uh…” Kids, he thought, smarter than you think.  He cleared his throat. “We don’t know, yeah? The news reports suggest that it’s a little bit messier over there than it is here, because they got hit by the earthquakes and tsunamis and stuff.”

“Plate tectonics?” Lucas interrupted proudly.

“Yes! Them! They made it a bit worse for the mainland, but it’s probably calmer now like it is here. So it’s not unsafe, it’s just, probably, better here, yeah?” Lucas nodded, rubbing at his eyes. “Ok. Right,” he exhaled sharply, “don’t cause too much trouble for Mum and Dad and Hannah yeah? And if the patrol is actually there, then I won’t be able to see Mum and Hannah again, so tell them I love them one more time for me please?”

Lucas scrunched his nose. “But you said it, like a hundred times yesterday!”

“Yes well, a hundred-and-one times isn’t going to hurt then, is it!” he ruffled his hair as he got to his feet once again. “Love you, bud.”

“Love you too Chris,” he echoed, but much quieter.

Chan stepped round the table, tucking his chair in as he went, before slotting himself halfway out of the back door. He was greeted by the sight of his father trying to get an old bit of machinery working. He had no idea what it was, but he knew better than to ask. It was sputtering way too much smoke for Chan to feel that it was safe as well, but he decided that it wasn’t the best time to question that either.

“I’m off, Dad.”

He squinted upwards, leaning back and stretching. “Are you? Ok. Be safe.”

Chan swallowed, feeling the familiar face of guilt raise its head in his gut. “I’m sorry I’m going and that it’s so soon.”

“No no, it’s alright.” Chan wasn’t sure if he was mad or not, as his tone was so neutral. Then he sent him a grim-set smile. “You need to go find them. That’s only natural. So go.”

He wanted to say a lot of things, show his gratitude, but couldn’t seem to find the words. They were all jumbled up in his head, like pieces of a jigsaw, but they all came from three different boxes. “Love you, Dad.”

There was a moment that flickered, where he thought his father wasn’t going to reply. But then, “You too, son. Now hurry up, that kid is still waiting for you, and knowing him, is going to start panicking soon.”

“Right, yes. See you later!”

Removing himself from the situation so he didn’t change his mind, Chan quickly headed back inside, ruffling Lucas’s hair as he passed, and headed out of the front door into the rain.

.

.

Felix unfurled his palm into the rain, feeling the heavy droplets nestle in his skin and morph from icy to lukewarm. He was taking shelter under the makeshift canopy of the old bandstand just behind the community garden. Some plastic chairs had been donated and placed haphazardly around the hexagon, and he’d already rearranged them into a neat circle.

In fact, he’d finished all the work he could do. It wasn’t a particularly warm day, the rain was doing a lot of the work for the gardeners, and many things had already been planted that needed to be. Over the past couple of days, he’d been given the job of sharpening and cleaning the various tools for the coming months, but they were now all in top condition and back in their places in the shed. He had nothing more to do. Julie and Peter were back to arguing again, on what to do about the outbreak of gall wasps festering inside the young lemon tree. He tried to blot them out as best he could, but the rain had calmed by the time he reached the stand, thus there was little noise. 

He hoped that Chan would hurry up, but he also knew to say goodbye to his family wasn’t easy. It had taken him a little while too. But the patrol would arrive soon, and they were nowhere near the community hall in the first place. The downpour could harshen again and then they’d have that to deal with too.

Soon, he heard footsteps coming up the path behind him, and to his luck it was Chan, though he didn’t seem in a good state.

He greeted him gently, heading over to him to save him the journey. “Shall we go then?”

Chan nodded, a darkened hue to his eyes. Felix couldn’t help but let his face fall, but he managed to work up a smile as they hastily exited the gardens and headed into the streets.

“Do you know where they’re going to be?”

Chan affirmed with a nod. “Yeah, don’t worry.”

“Good, because I can’t remember!”

He sent him a side-eye glance, a knowing grin glimmering across his lips.

It was a lie of course. Felix had his... moments... but his memory wasn’t bad. He could remember the street name with ease. It’s just he wasn’t confident that would be where his feet would take him. 

“Packed everything?” he asked.

“Yes!” Felix strongly nodded, his hands slipping under the straps of his rucksack.

Chan cleared his throat, staring determinedly ahead. “Toothbrush?”

“Yes.”

“Pillow?”

“Definitely.”

“Food?”

“Of course!”

“Form of identification?”

“Almost but I left it on the side to make sure I picked it up this time-”

“Blanket?”

Felix’s mouth was left open. “Uh...”

“Don’t worry,” he jutted his thumb back at his own bag, “I brought extra.”

“Thank youuu!”

“Knew it would happen,” he muttered, shaking his head. The air remained playful though.

They turned the corner, and at the bottom of the road, where the crackled tarmac tapered off, was a military truck. It was as nearly as wide as the street itself, with wheels built to stand mudflats or snow or both at once - or at least, Felix imagined that that’s what they were for. He was worried about it being anything else. 

He subconsciously slipped further behind Chan’s footsteps, letting him talk to the soldier that immediately stepped up to them when they reached the perimeter.

“Can we help you, kids?”

Chan ignored the final part. “We’re, uh, here for the trip to the mainland?”

The soldier, who, if Chan lifted him onto his shoulders, would still be taller than them, nodded, holding out his hand behind him. Another soldier ran over, giving him an official-looking document, which he began to leaf through.

“We registered before we came, with the officer that came round yesterday? His name was Choi? I think?” Chan winced at the lack of emotion on the man’s face. “Sir, they may not be our family, officially, but they’re, like a family to us and we have to find-”

“Surnames Bang and Lee?”

“Yes,” Felix piped up.

“Yup, just sign here and then you can throw your luggage onto the back of the truck and go through to the tent over there for supplies, or say some last-minute goodbyes. Though, if you do then I advise you don’t go far, as we’ll be leaving dead on the hour. All clear?”

“Yes, thank you,” he sent him a polite grin, handing the pen across to Felix, before ambling towards the vehicle. 

Felix began to scribble as neatly as he could, before catching the man’s eye. “Can I ask a question, please?”

“Of course.”

“Where are we...” he analysed his face, with a straight nose and angular jawline, but felt nothing, “...headed on the truck?”

“Ah,” the man turned to the side, pointing to the horizon. “Down to the takeoff site, over there.”

Satisfied, he handed back the pen. “Ok, thank you, have a nice day!” And with that, he shuffled after Chan, sending a gleaming smile over his shoulder.

~~~

Well, I don’t like this part much. It will get better I promise! In the later parts