#on the most useless topics too!!! just discourse on discourse on discourse

[latejulys]

logging in to see Beautiful Images at the cost of being subjected to 9725168340 opinions

[nyancrimew]

I don't want to speak as if I know you, but I wanted to ask if you were doing okay? That post about avoiding inflammitary topics sounded to me like you were probably getting a lot of harassment that most of us weren't seeing, and as much as I'd personally love it if you could not let them get to you and keep speaking truth to power, I know it doesn't work that way. I guess I just wanted to say, uh, stay strong. We're rooting for you.

no i am doing okay i just dont want to give in too much to useless cycles of discourse especially on here, the platform i try to mostly use for fun and games aand to have a bit more of a cozy space on :)

[bonefall]

So, I'm writing an essay on the whole STATE of misogyny in WC for one of my university classes, and I was wondering if I could ask you a couple of things! No pressure of course, please feel free to say no!

A) Could I reference your good takes with appropriate harvard referencing and links back to your blog?

B) Are there any specific moments from the books that you think should be covered the most?

C) The end result will be a visual essay, so it's like those fun infographics people on Tumblr make on like ADHD and stuff, so when it's done, would you like to be tagged to read it?

(Sorry for anon, I'm nervous lmao, but if you'd be more comfortable I'll resend this off anon)

AAY good topic! You've got a lot to work with. Absolutely feel free to reference anything I've written, and tag me when you're done.

While you're here and about to write something so legitimate, I'm also going to recommend you check out Sunnyfall's video on gender in Warrior Cats. She breaks down the arcs into numbers, directly comparing the amount of lines mollies have to toms, and examining the archetypes women are usually allowed to be.

I think it's a must-have citation in a paper about WC misogyny.

...and, I think it's insightful to look at the WCRP Forum thread about the video. Note how the respondents immediately come into the thread to complain about how the video is too long so they didn't watch it, dismissing Sunnyfall as not being entertaining enough to hold their attention, even whining that she starts with statistics to prove her point, which I'm convinced she did exactly because they would have cried that she "had no evidence" if she didn't.

I am not a scholar, so I don't know how to document or prove that the books have an impact on the audience outside of anecdotes. But I think if you do write a section about fandom, it would be worth mentioning the in-universe and metatextual apologia for Ashfur and its reflection in the real world discourse, the authorial killing of Ferncloud because of fan complains, and the utter defensiveness against the discussion of misogyny you see outside of Tumblr.

You may also want to check out Cheek by Jowl, a collection of 8 essays about sexism in xenofiction by Ursula K. Le Guin. There's a very unique manifestation of authorial bias in animal fiction, having a lot to do with how the author views "the natural world," and it's worth understanding even though Warrior Cats are so heavily anthropomorphized.

So... Warrior Cats Misogyny

I think discussing individual instances can be helpful, but I'd implore you to keep in mind what's REALLY bad about WC's misogyny is framing and the bigger picture.

Bumble's death is shocking and insulting, but it's not just that she died. It's that the POV Gray Wing sees her as a fat, useless bitch who took his mate so she deserves to be dragged back to a domestic abuser, and he's right because the writers love him so much. It's that Bumble's torture and killing only factors into how it's going to hurt a man's reputation.

It's how Clear Sky hitting, emotionally manipulating, or killing the following women,

Bright Stream (pressured into leaving her home and family)

Storm (controlled her movements and yelled at her in public)

Misty (killed for land, children stolen)

Bumble (beaten unconscious, blamed nonsensically on a fox)

Alder (child abuse, hit when she refused to attack her brother)

Falling Feather (scratched on the face, subjected to public abuse and humiliation)

Tall Shadow (thrown into murderous crowd, attacked on-sight in heaven)

Rainswept Flower ("blacked out" in anger and murdered in cold blood)

Moth Flight (scratched on the face for saying denying medical treatment is mean, taken hostage in retaliation against mother for the death of his own child, which he caused)

Willow Tail (eyes gouged out for "stirring up trouble")

Is seen as totally understandable, forgivable, or not even questioned at all, when killing Gray Wing in an act of rage would have been "one step too far" with the ridiculous Star Line.

"Kill me and live with the memory, and then let the stars know it would only matter if a single one of your murder victims was a man."

It's the way that fathers who physically abuse their kids out of their ego (Clear Sky, Sandgorse, Crowfeather) aren't treated anywhere near the same level of narrative disgust and revulsion the series has for "bad moms", even if they're displaying symptoms of a post-partum mood disorder (depression, anxiety, and rage), an umbrella of mental illnesses 20% of all new mothers experience but are heavily stigmatized with (Sparkpelt, Palebird, Lizardstripe).

It's Crookedstar's Promise giving him two evil maternal figures in a single book, while bending over backwards to make every man in a position of power still look likeable in spite of the fact they're enabling Rainflower's abuse. Leader Hailstar is soso sorry that he has to change Stormkit's name for some reason, in spite of leaders being unaccountable dictators the other 99% of the time, and Deputy Shellheart functionally does nothing to stop his own son from being abused or even do much parenting before or after the fact.

It's the way men's parental struggles are seen sympathetically, and they don't have to "pay for it" like their female counterparts (Crookedstar's PPD vs Sparkpelt's PPD, how Daisy and Cinders are held responsible for Smoky and Whisper being deadbeats, Yellowfang's endless guilt for killing her son vs Onestar's purpose in life to kill his own), even to the point where a father doesn't have to have raised their kids at all to have a magical innate emotional connection to them (Tree's father Root, Tom the Wifebeater, Tigerstar and Hawkfrost).

It's less speaking lines and agency for female characters, being reduced to accessories in the lives of their mates and babies, women getting less diversity in their personalities, with even major ex-POV characters eventually becoming "sweet mom" tropes.

You could zoom in on any one of these examples and have an amoeba try to argue with you that "Oh THIS makes sense because X" or "Ah well my headcanon perfectly explains this thing" or "MY mother/girlfriend was abusive/toxic/neglectful and I've decided that you are personally attacking ME by having issues with how a character was written or utilized," but the beleaguered point,

That I keep trying to hammer in, over and over, across books worth of posts,

Is that these are trends. More than just a couple one-off examples. It's the fabric that has been woven over years, showing a lack of interest in, or even active prejudice of, women on behalf of the writers.

LONG STANDING trends, which have only gotten worse as the series progressed. From Yellowfang being harshly punished with a born evil son who ruins her life in TPB and the mistreatment of Squirrelpaw that begins in TNP, all the way up to the 7 Fridgenings of DOTC and Sparkpelt's PPD being a major character motivator for her son Nightheart.

So, I would stress that in your paper, and structure it less as "the Sparkpelt slide" and "the Yellowfang slide," and more as "The paternal vs maternal abuse" slide, and "the violence against women" slide. They're really big issues, there's tons of examples for each individual thing.

Anyway to leave off on a funny, look at this scene in Darkest Hour that I find unreasonably hilarious,

"Everyone who matters to me; my truest friend, my sensible and loyal warrior, the wisest deputy I've ever known, and 2 women." -Firestar, glorious idiot

He can't even think of a single trait for either of them what the hell does "formidable pair" mean lmaooo, when I finished a reread about a year ago this line killed me on impact.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

bpp u still doing quick asks?

what do u think of discussions around idols being able to sing? i feel they dont need to be beyonce but at least they should be able to hold a note and get training.

***

Discourse by k-pop stans about vocals bores me to death. I instantly lose my will to take another breath on this doomed fucked up planet whenever I see a k-pop stan wax poetic about 'vocals' in k-pop. Arguments about vocals is easily the most pointless discussion in k-pop spaces, because people have already decided what matters to them and it shows in the top groups dominating the k-pop industry currently. This is aside the fact that every idol in every major/top group can "hold a note" and sing reasonably well enough to convey the melody of a song, even rappers. Despite what k-pop stans would tell you, the reality is that this industry is simply too competitive for any group to rise to the top of the hierarchy without talented idols who can at the very least sing their own songs. Every k-pop stan votes with their wallets and likes what they like, at the end of the day. And so this is an argument that's already been decided and so, is moot.

The only reason 'vocals' remain a topic of discussion is because k-pop stans enjoy tussling over subjective takes, and because it's the only point of relevance SM stans feel they have left in an industry where groups from every other company easily outperforms SM groups. It's why a select handful of imperfect performances from non-SM groups are taken as representative of those artists' abilities but it never works in reverse. Case in point, the arguments given in response to Wendy's abysmal birthday concert cover this past weekend, vs Jimin's one encore performance. As I've said before, SM stans are the largest contingent of company stans in k-pop spaces, they are the loudest and, especially lately, the most insecure. That's not a diss, just the reality of their current situation.

These arguments are lopsided by design, painfully predictable, and essentially useless. I immediately question the intelligence of anyone I see willingly partaking in that discourse.

[lloydfrontera]

I bet ksh wrote the "what if Lloyd wasn't a useless drunk" fic right after ppl who read the "Lloyd dies at the beginning and everyone is better off bc of it" fic accused him of hating Lloyd's character lmao. Just to be like "see i don't hate him (more than normal fans do)!" And then it started new discourse about the only palatable way Lloyd was avoiding death/getting significant screentime in his stories was if he was totally ooc lol

about this au

askhdjksah "see i don't hate the guy!" (<- wrote a completely different guy with the same name)

some people accused him of character bashing and even when most of his readers pointed out that he wasn't writing anything that wasn't either canon or completely in character, suho still decided to see if he could write a fic that involved lloyd frontera as a main character without being an antagonist. and it turned out it was really fucking hard lol

so he just. changed a few things. couple little nothings.

the thing is i can kinda see suho. despising. lloyd's character alskhkda

is just that. the guy has everything he would kill for. he has his parents, a little brother, financial stability and a potential loyal friend right there and he wastes all of it by being a complete bastard. he would want to wring his neck sooo bad ajkskda

maybe in a particular bad night when he misses his parents, feels really lonely and only had one cup of ramen to eat the entire day, he reads a part of tkbi where lloyd acts especially nasty and gets really bitter so he writes a rant fic about how things would've been so much better if lloyd had just died and stopped making his family miserable.

once he gets it out of his system, he probably feels a bit embarrassed about how angry the fic turned out but he does see a glimmer of a good idea there so he turns it into a tamer version of an outline, where he strips away most of the raw emotion and changes it into a bittersweet tale of how the death of someone irrevocably changes the lives around them in ways that sometimes aren't predictable.

it's not even a "he died and everyone was happy about it" fic as that would be 1) in bad taste and 2) not in character. it would've been more about how lloyd's death paralyzed the fronteras so much in their shock and grief that some key events in their downfall would've been missed. how the absence of abuse would've allowed julian to flourish onto himself even as he dealt with mixed feelings about the way he feels about his older brother and whether he wishes to forgive him now that he's dead but can never make amends to him. like. that kinda thing.

and because it turns into a genuinely good fic it escapes containment from ksh's usual readers circle and ends up being a hot topic into the general fandom.

which is divided between those who think is a very bittersweet fic that doesn't bash the character but does point out his canon actions and depicts his death as tragic while acknowledging the consequences both bad and good it has. and those who think it's still in poor taste to write something that basically boils down "if he died everything would've been okay" and point out the narrative itself does carry heavy negativity against lloyd.

it is. messy.

suho isn't really affected by the criticism he gets but he does try not to project too hard onto his fics and some called out it almost seems personal so he kinda panics and writes something that deflect the accidental emotional vulnerability that slipped through and writes the other fic and he even makes lloyd suffer just a little bit in this one. compared to what the fic would actually be if he was being more honest. it is after all an attempt at making it seem like he doesn't hate the guy (more than normal that is) lol

of course that fic starts other kind of discourse but! i do see lloyd being a divisive character in the fandom in general, a lot of people would really dislike him based on his abuse on julian, his meanness to javier and the contempt he shows for his parents, but i can also see some people woobifying him and thinking he just needed some,,, idk, love ig?? (*cough* ignoring the fact he had a family that loved him and he alienated by his behavior *cough*). so the discourse that ensues after his second fic is less targeted to him and more in line with the discourse that would surround og!lloyd anyway so it's fine.

i also kinda love the idea of suho being the kind of cryptid writer that doesn't really leave author notes or has any online presence besides their ao3 notes. so he just drops the most compelling pieces of fiction people have read in the entire year and then vanishes again, only replying to nice comments with a "thanks!" or "happy you liked it :)" and a "👍🏽" or "ok" to assholes.

so he drops his "Lloyd dies at the beginning and everyone is better off bc of it" fic, drops from the face of earth to everyone else, sees the discourse it starts, writes the "what if Lloyd wasn't a useless drunk" fic, drops it and then sees an even bigger discourse start all without commenting a single thing about it askjdksa

he drops two consecutive atomic bombs on the fandom and then dips out. he has two jobs he's got no time for disk-horse after all aksdjkla

[authorchia]

R: 1999 RAMBLES (⁠✯⁠ᴗ⁠✯⁠)

I consider myself as a newbie and casual player of the R: 1999 fandom so my knowledge of the game may be limited and I'm not confident of my vocabularies since English is not my first languange, just letting yall know :V

I'm gonna be as nuanced as possible as I ramble through my opinions, so if you find this interesting, I'd like to see yall's opinions too! (Remember to be respectful!)

Alright so the thing that I wanna get it off my chest is that, is it just me or there has been no discourse/drama about R: 1999 till today? I know the game was released hardly a year ago, but really the fandom is pretty chill and I'm very grateful for that, even though I'm not an active participant.

I had a thought it's because the twitter cops/"puritans" can't see any visible advantage to make ANYTHING a useless drama. I was both in the GI and HSR fandom as a spectator, seeing news about them bitching and policing people about the same topics over and over again (truly saddening). But I might dare say R: 1999 is not an easy target for them because it has:

- Diverse characters, both ethnicity and species wise iykyk

- Diverse VAs for characters that are not Americans (ex. Zima, Shamane, Sonetto, Matilda, etc.)

- Stunning and unique artstyle (for me at least, because it's not really your generic anime style if you really squint)

- Killer character designs that speaks where they from and their personality

- Compelling storytelling both for the characters' backstory, story events and main story

- MOST if not ALL characters have their age explicitly stated in their bio

- GENEROUS amount of Drops and moderately easy to get

- Farming resources are generous and easy to get with if your characters' level are enough to beat the critters

- Gameplay/Battle system is engaging in its own way

- No questionable clothings on minor characters

The only things that they would try to make drama/discourse are:

- How boring the gameplay is (which is almost an insult) <- have seen an example on Tiktok

- Ship discourses because it's the only thing any fandom fans and non-fans have a war about, which is utterly stupid and brainrotting

- Any genuine problematic things like problematic creators seeping into the crack. It can be done by a block button or callout doc if they're endangering the fandom's space

-Any immature, chronically online behaviors that you see on the internet (both minors and adults)

TLDR: I'm not saying Reverse: 1999 is the pinnacle of what games should be, but it's really hard not to notice its uniqueness that other game lacks. Let's just hope people won't be behaving out of place, and if they do, we could either educate them patiently or ignore them completely. NOT immediately ostracizing and being aggressive towards them as it will light up the fire and potentially burn the whole forest.

That's all I have go say. If you made it this far, WOW! Thanks for stopping by and read this unhinged ramble! Have a milk and cookies for compensation, friend 🥛🍪🍪🍪

I hope in the future, the game and its fandom will flourish with passionate creators and gamers. Maybe they could make Indonesian-based events! I would love that actually... But for now, I will wait for Shamane's banner teehee :3c

[iamonlyhereforthefood]

Few things make me roll my eyes more than youtubers who I otherwise agree with and who seem to be well-researched in the topics they primarily cover, like LGBTQ+ issues, TV adaptations, etc., who for some reason tend to pepper their videos with comments like "because we live in capitalistic hell", "latter-stage capitalism", or my very favorite "as a marxist ...".

Like, cool that you live in the time and place where you don't have to fear about stating your opinions. But, can we acknowledge that the only reason you are able to make a living out of making these videos is actually because of capitalism where you can make a living doing basically anything as long as there's a demand for it and you're good at it?

"The 40-hour work week wasn't for me...", "I burned out at my job", "I have ADHD, this works much better for me than office work". Good for you. What do you think your life would be like under socialism? (I expect that is your alternative to capitalism, but if you would prefer a return to feudalism, I have bad news for you too.)

Do you think the state would be ok with you being self-employed, doing useless work? Because that is what it would be seen as, unless you were including government-approved propaganda in your videos. Do you think you would be left alone if you took time being unemployed to figure things out? Nope, unemployment would not be an option, if you could not find a job, you would be given a job and it would likely not be something you wanted to do. Do you think anyone would care about your work conditions, or your sensory issues? Do you think you would be able to study something fancy, like gender studies? Depending on your family profile, you might be lucky to even get into university, no matter how smart you are or how well you did in high school. And then you would be choosing from programs that are opening that year, based on the plan of future jobs that the government has - anything useless (most of the topics that youtubers tend to cover would fall into that category) would just not open.

And I'm not even getting into expressing individualism and what being openly LGBTQ+ would be like. Men used to be harassed by police for simply having long hair under socialism. Anything that makes you stick out from a crowd was a no-go. You wouldn't even have discourse about whether companies just want your money when they offer pride merch because there would be no merch.

It would be nice if people who like to cheer for socialism/communism/marxism actually listened to those who have any experience with it, especially since many of them love to talk about uplifting voices, listening to authentic experiences and other nice-sounding phrases, but God forbid anyone actually listens when it doesn't suit their political views.

[sordidmusings]

I love your buggy smut - how do you feel about writing consensual non consensual? I just need some dom!buggy in my life but please let me know

Hello anon you are in LUCK because I am a Freak 🤡🤡🤡 also do not worry because you are in good hands!! I have enjoyed this myself and I see you and don’t judge

And for anyone who gets upset by this content - that is valid too; not everything is for everyone and I will make it tagged and obvious what it is when I complete this. There is a large discussion to be had on this topic and it’s depiction and I will give the broad points below on dark content but please know this is coming from the perspective of someone who has done a lot of personal research and talked to professionals on this and who has, like I said earlier, had fully non-consensual experiences

Consensual non-consent and non-consensual experiences are not the same

Enjoyment of experiences like that in fiction is different than wanting those experiences to happen in real life because while reading/consuming the material you are giving consent and you can revoke that consent at any time by stopping (like any true consent)

Depiction and endorsement are two different things! They aren’t mutually exclusive but they are disparate as often as they align.

Romanticization of dangerous or abusive behaviors (true CNC isn’t abusive anyway) is where the problem lies - depiction shows multiple facets of something including the fallout, dangers, and issues that come with it, whereas romanticization focuses only on (or even only shows) the “good�� parts or the parts that keep you reliant on the thing/dynamic

Smut/fantasy around sexuality has slightly different rules. There are a few black and white areas (minors, animals, etc) but most people have separate boundaries for what they enjoy or are okay with between their sexual and non sexual selves. A very elementary example of this is stuff like scratching and biting. Most people are fine with it during sex as long as it isn’t hard enough to pull blood but wouldn’t wanted to have even their partner do that to them outside of sex. This is a huge topic and very interesting to delve into so I suggest giving it a deep dive!m

Now I keep going back and forth on publishing this with the whole discourse outline in it but I am keeping it in because I am nervous of loud uninformed hate. From what I’ve seen, there are a lot of people who especially don’t understand numbers 3 and 4. I cannot stress them enough, not just for CNC but for anything and everything you consume. You are also allowed to not like something - not everything is for everyone. If something isn’t tagged properly then that needs to be changed, but if it is, then it is largely readers responsibility to check the tags and warnings.

Please keep this discussion (if any ends up happening past my ramblings) aimed at reaching a better understanding and not on trying to malign one another to earn a useless “most righteous on a random tumblr post” badge. Also please do not read this as me being a pro-shipper!!! There are lines that shouldn’t be crossed like I have said and beyond that I do not think that ships that are made to romanticize abuse are good either.

Thank you for reading my Ted talk and may we all be merry huzzah

[margueritestjusts]

8, 9, 22, and 24 for tsp!

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about.

that margot is dumb 😭😭 or that she's entirely useless by the end of the book. like yes i also do think she should have been able to piece that percy and the pimpernel were the same person at the ball but also she's shown to be incredibly observant and come up with plans easily (i.e. andrew and the note) and she literally dragged herself all the way to france to save him, walked in horrible conditions, AND still tried her best to save both percy and the prisoners in the hut (was screaming the way to do it? no. but did they end up escaping because of it? in part, yes). idk i feel like a lot of people just overlook margot in general which is.... weird because she is literally the protagonist of the book lmao but alas i won't be too angry about this.

9. worst part of canon.

not book canon, but musical canon? the love triangle. easily the worst fucking part. like between the slut shaming and the choreography of "where's the girl?" it's so.... how are you MORE misogynistic than a book written in 1905 jfc wildhorn. and he did it in dracula and jekyll and hyde too so this is a pattern of behavior for him. case in point: keep frank wildhorn away from classic literature.

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores.

any part with suzanne, especially her moments with margot. that bitch is a repressed lesbian and she's pining after margot idgaf that she and andrew were written to be a couple. that's MY 18th century lavender marriage. and also the bit in the fisherman's rest where the vicomte tries to challenge percy to a duel that always cracks me up.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse.

uh i actually don't know because i'm not involved with the fandom really lol. i think tsp fandom is pretty chill anyway like i have not seen rancid discourse over anything really. love that actually

[darkpoisonouslove]

Winx

it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

part of canon you found tedious or boring

part of canon you think is overhyped

topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

The Company of Light. I don't know what else you want me to say. I think I made that clear already. Really, I don't think I could give a different answer because they just deserve so much better.

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

The Pyros arc. I see what they were trying to do but this was not the way. Not to mention the fact that while Bloom is away the rest of the story seems to come to a grinding halt. Love to see the implication that the others are useless without Bloom take root all the way back into season 3.

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

Season 3. The amount of people saying that season 3 is the best season in terms of writing and structure is starting to get on my nerves. Season 3 has problems. Valtor starts off strong as a villain but his stage presence so to say diminishes incredibly over the season. By the end of it he's almost too pathetic to stand and his plan is just... what exactly? He steals so much magic and we don't really see him use any of it towards the goal of becoming the most powerful wizard. Like, what does being the most powerful wizard even look like? 'Cause he's getting his ass kicked by a bunch of teenagers and most of the dimension seems to go on completely unbothered by his existence. The plan of weakening Bloom through Sky goes nowhere. It's over before it can even begin and if Bloom had a single brain cell she would have figured out Sky was spelled immediately. It was so obvious that it makes me seethe every time. Episodes 8 and 9 are certainly some of the worst from the entire show. The storyline with Chimera and Cassandra loses traction halfway through and disappears for 10 solid episodes. We're not even talking about episode 20. Enchantix has problems as well. The Company of Light backstory - while literally one of my favorite things on the show - creates several plot holes and was obviously not planned from the beginning. Not to mention that they hardly get to do anything, which just doesn't make sense. The connection between Bloom and Valtor works at random only when it's convenient for the plot. The whole thing is much worse than people seem to realize. And okay, I have nostalgia for it too. But I think the fandom worships season 3 way too much.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Bloom.

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

The pixies/pets/selkies/fairy animals/lumens being annoying. Look, I get the problems with capitalism and wasting screen time that are in the core of this problem but, honestly, just like everything else the animal companions (umbrella term including all of these I listed) had potential. The pixies proved that in season 2 even if they were underutilized since way back then. The same could have been done with all of the other companions introduced. They just didn't care about it. But I am really sick of hearing about this when there are much worse problems with the whole show. Also, if I hear someone else saying that Kiko should be dead by now, it's on sight.

[tehriel]

Category is: Religious discourse with Papa Emeritus the Third

Chapter 5 of my long fic Character interaction is my fucking meat and potatoes my guy. I hope you enjoy religious discourse as much as I do. TW: Religious topics, vaccines, trumpet and heinous flirting

Before note: Our reader is a painter commissioned by the clergy to paint a portrait of Papa. They have recently been stabbed in the arm but have chosen not to involve the church because they want to get the work done and get out of there. They are also trying to keep Papa at arm’s length by playing a game of assumptions with eachother.

Chapter 5 - Blocking in

“You okay, caro Pittore?” He was watching you set up, leaned on the desk to the side, “You seem tired. You up all night partying without me, huh?”

It had been a couple days since your first session, and for some reason, sleep eludes those on a hit list. Contrary to what the detective might have said, finding the wounded asshole in the ghoul mask was not easy. You’d heard nothing about the case. You’d grown increasingly glad you had decided to keep the blade that was then sitting in your backpack feet away. The town was beginning to creep you out. It had the atmosphere of a Lovecraft novel, signs, symbols—Jesus chrimany! there were so many fucking churches for such a small town. Made you wonder if you should be drinking the tap water.

“Mm, yeah, late night working on commissions and an uncomfortable motel room bed.”

“Oh, so I'm not your only one?” He piqued a brow.

“Oh no, the others I do through the phone. Sit, Papa,” you smirked, stretched out your fingers, and gingerly patted your shoulder.

“You know there is a remedy to your uncomfortable motel bed. It's called ‘mine’.” He grinned and took his time to sit and arrange himself for you.

“Wow, we are starting out early today,” you mused, grabbing your brush.

“Hey, you uh, caught me off guard last time, you could say. And today, I am on top of my game.”

“Oh? Is that so?” You looked around the scene, feeling his eyes on you as you worked, “I’m blocking today; you don’t have to be super still again, just colours. It's kinda like a camera beginning to focus, going to be fuzzy for a while.”

“I have an answer for my question last time.”

“Oh, and which question would that be?” You begin mixing at your pallet, and the stretch of oil paint begins to rekindle.

“Why you began painting.”

You cocked your head with intrigue.

“You fell in love with someone so beautiful you wanted to capture them eternally.”

“Oh, Papa, I didn't take you for a romantic~” you chuckled.

“Do I not? Passion is an original fucking sin, old as time. To love something more than god, heh?” He shook a finger and clicked his tongue.

“Tell me about this love, woman, man, or other? Paint me a picture, Papa,” you smirked, testing his open-mindedness, but realised your hand was beginning to shake. They had been doing that since the attempt. Your left hand was being useless in all ways, too. You tried to loosen your shoulder, only to feel the pain of seven stitches.

“Hmmm, she was a… gymnast, flexible.”

“You know I made her use it,” you chirped along as you worked through your world coming loose.

He made a growl of agreement. “She was going to be an athlete, and though you originally fell in love with her, you then realised you fell more in love with painting her. So when you got into the most prestigious university in your home country, and she was to be in the Olympics, you tried long distance until you both inevitably let go. And that is the story of your long lost Lenoir.”

You realised your hands had stopped shaking to listen to him. You huffed a soft laugh, “I still dream of her, my Lenoir. I wonder if she even thinks of me these days.”

“It would be very fucking hard to forget you, caro Pittore,” He growled.

“Yikes, Papa, you’ll have me blushing,” you laughed off easily, brushing away his compliment, “And you? Any heartbreak in your midsts?”

“You tell me, Pittore.”

And you understood. He was saying it was a two-way street. If he couldn't know about you, he wouldn't let you in either. You respected it. “One word, Jeremy.” You were then more curious, figuring out how fruity Papa was.

He broke his pose for a moment to clutch his heart, “Ooft, tell me of my sweet Jeremy.” He returned to his position. You were always acutely aware of his hand placement on his thigh.

“You met him on a field trip with your satanic college(?).. yeah, if you can say catholic college, satanic college is correct,” you decided to yourself. He seemed quietly amused, “Multiple colleges, skill building. Your college hated his and visa versa, but you met him during…tug of war. You tripped over a stray ball from the field, and you both landed in a tangle.”

“Uh, huh, I like where this is going. Ah~ take me now Jeremy~” he made a lewd face.

“Cupid slapped you both; this is before when you believed in fate.”

“Nice callback,” he nodded along.

“It was meant to be, you know? But he kept getting caught up in the dogma of his college hating your college. Kept pulling away while simultaneously telling you that he loved you; really confusing shit, you deserve better, Papa.”

“Why does this one fucking hurt?” He laughed.

“Like a fool, you stayed until he finally had his fill of you, and then you returned to being your mother’s footrest.”

“Ah, look at us, so tragic. A miracle two people so fucking broken could find each other, si Pittore?”

“Let us cling onto each other forevermore, create a safe corner to lick each other's wounds. Us against the world, I will fix you, and you fix me.” You chuckled at the toxic nature of it all. You reflected on the story you made for him and frowned at yourself, taking a sip of water. Part of that was your experience with Rhea. Inspiration didn’t always come from nowhere; could he have done the same with some of his stories for you? No, you weren’t dissecting it. You would leave as strangers.

His eyes had also darkened. “Enough of heartbreak,” he waved off, almost forgetting he was still supposed to be posing for you. You saw... hurt, just a brief moment of it. You left a mark on his cheek in paint.

“Look at me, Papa,” you said, only realising your wording after—suddenly breaking off any of his notions.

“I am,” he said simply, and he became still.

You blocked in the square of his jaw. You watched the slight rise and fall of his chest, the slight shift of his painted lips and the bob of his throat swallowing. His eye, the white one, for the first time, you wondered if it was natural. The way he looked at you, you wondered how much of you he was seeing. “Beautiful,” you said to signal that he could relax again.

“Yes,” he said quietly but couldn't find any more words. He became tranquil, thoughtful. “Yes.”

You sipped your water, hands becoming clammy again, your attention shifting to the ghoul’s mask beneath his foot. You cursed yourself for squinting to see any signs of red powder.

“I… find myself wanting to talk to you, but I am… unsure how to talk without asking questions,” he admitted after a while.

“I can understand that,” you said softly, “I’m happy to discuss discourse, news… just nothing in personal history,” you shrugged, “I imagine we have wildly different world views, it could be interesting.”

“Discourse, huh? Hard questions, then how do you feel about the church, what with all your religious trauma and all?” He grinned, showing his teeth. It seemed he wanted to see you squirm because he was Papa. Because he is the head of the church.

You bit your tongue in thought, “Are we going to stay friends after this one?” You wondered out loud, giving him a cheeky look.

“We are friends, Pittore?”

You shrugged, “friendly?” You supposed. “Let's see,” you began blocking in the shapes of his gown; it would be challenging because the fabric ripples would change the next time. You would have to take a photo of this moment to rearrange him the best you could. You aimed up your phone. “I think faith is beautiful,” You said simply.

“I know what you mean—I sense a but.”

After taking some snaps, you returned to painting. “But,” you began, and Papa smiled, egging you on. “Churches are often… bad translations of original stories, people put their own spins on things, and teachings that are often good in theory can get distorted in any which way. Not to mention the hypocrisy…”

“Hypocrisy?” He arched a brow.

You hadn't looked at his face in a moment; you'd been on a roll. You hadn’t realised it, but though the discourse wasn't about you—it was a core belief. It was you. “Ah, it doesn't matter what I think.” You waved off in an effort to shove yourself back in the box.

“No, no, this interests me; I can see the hypocrisy in other churches, that makes sense to me, they fucking lie for control, make eternal promises for money, praise the elite, it's… but I cannot see it in my own.”

You ran your tongue over your teeth; you suggested discourse because you liked going in. But there was a struggle with wanting to keep Papa at arm's reach; then again, this might help with that. It might just frighten him away. “You told me about free will; that's a core Satanic belief, right?”

“Si.” He nodded fervently.

“and I haven't seen inside your church, so this is partly the assumptions game on my behalf, alright?”

“Si,” and he remembered he was supposed to keep still.

“You can relax your skull hand again, by the way,” You added absently. “I don't believe free will can exist within an established hierarchy because there can only be one Papa, correct?”

“You are correct.” He frowned lightly as he placed the skull down to stretch out his leathery fingers. His brow was almost always slightly downturned; beneath that makeup, you would guess they were nice eyebrows. You painted in a little gesture of them.

“What if it's another’s will to become Papa?”

“I supposed they cannot, but we treat everyone equally,” he debated, “it is our vow to protect the free will of others…” he explained, and it took a lot of him not to move his hands. You watched the fingers of his right-hand flicker on his thigh.

“I'm painting your other hand now,” you advised, “does ‘Papa’ come with power over others? Does it encroach on their free will?”

“I, of course, am trying not to, you know, it's very fucking important to me.”

“Then does that encroach on yours?”

You watched him beginning to unfold a little.

“There is a silent expectation in the church. This portrait wasn’t your will; it was the will of the church.”

“It is my will that the church is sated in all ways possible,” he said so with a purr of confidence as he relaxed into his conviction.

“And what about my will, hmm? As someone not a part of the church?”

“Oh, your will? What is your will, dear child?”

“What if…” you had a think, “What if I want to be Papa?”

“I can call you Papa if you would like; not sure it would be recognised.”

“You'd call me Papa?” Your smile twisted.

“Of course, Papa,” he raised his chin with a half-lidded smirk.

“Feels like you did that on purpose.”

“I don't know what you mean~”

“And if I want to wear your pope-hat?”

“That would deny my free will because it is my fucking mitre.”

“You don't want to give me your pope-hat?”

“No, you disrespect it. You call it fucking ‘pope-hat’.” His chin jutted out slightly.

“Fine, you acknowledge some power play here, so can anyone hold a sermon?”

“It's true; the cardinals, sisters, and I are the only ones who generally hold mass.”

“What, everyone else's voices don’t matter?” You were teasing.

“All voices matter.. unless they're fucking stupid, like trumpet.” He growled ‘trumpet’, “I don’t think we’ve ever been asked.”

“So, if it was my free will to hold a sermon?” You arched a brow.

“Then, as someone who upholds free will, I make it happen.”

“What if I want to make it about Jesus Christ riding a donkey, in the literal sense? Or inflated Christian fan fiction teachings?” You were just having fun with him at that point.

“Then that wouldn't be very fucking respectful to the free will of the church, would it?”

“And if it was my free will to be disrespectful?” You grinned.

“Then you would be a fucking brat,” you don't know when he started breathing deeper. His usual growl hindered on a groan.

“No, Papa, it wouldn't,” you shook your head, and he tilted his. “Brats like the idea of someone who’d tame them or try to. That hinders my freedom; why would I want that? I want someone whose free will aligns with mine to run wild and free like a twin flame that burns the sky. I want no hierarchy.” Your cheeks flushed, and you reminded yourself you only painting a portrait.

He was biting his lip, “is it still your will to hold a sermon?”

“Only because I don’t think Sister Imperator would allow it,” you chuckled behind your canvas.

“Sister? But I am fucking Papa,” he frowned.

“Go on then, Papa, show me what free will is worth,” you stuck your head out and challenged with a smirk.

He shook a finger at you, “I will make this happen. I will show you my church isn't hypocritical.. or it's trying not to be,” he amended.

“On that note, how many women or people of colour have been Papa?”

He made a fizzling noise, “Fuck. alright, alright, we are a forward church but there are things that still need addressing, yes. We already celebrate the female orgasm, but I happen to also like the idea of a woman of colour being my fucking Papa,” he informed unabashedly. “Things are fucking sticky sometimes. If you want to go there, where do vaccinations sit with your absolute ‘free will’. Huh?”

“Hey, you're a church; that’s more of a you thing.”

“So you have no answer?” He looked pleased with himself.

“Well, like your free will is your ‘mitre’, free will is also a person’s health. To endanger another person’s health is to take away their free will, yeah? Vaccinations are for the populis as well as the individual. Get jabbed.”

“I hate how fucking quick that was for you. But spoken like a true Papa of the church.”

“I studied philosophy and art at university,” you explain, absently filling in the chair’s golden form.

“I see why you have problems with the church. Did you really not grow up in a heavy catholic boarding school?” He asked without realising.

“Catholic college, because it was the only school in town. It wasn't particularly traumatising, but it did cordon off some ways of thinking until later in life. Also, incense reminds me of taking naps in forced mass,” you answered without thinking before touching your lips as if to take it back.

“Fuck, I apologise,” he began.

“It's okay…I started it,” you ended and looked away to the sun as it began to dip.

“No, it isn’t. I… I uh, understand there are times it is scary to let new people in. We didn’t meet at the right time.”

“That’s…” you shook your head and sighed, disengaging with the conversation. “I really didn't get very far again.” You looked over your work, “I can put more hours in the background before I see you again….”

“I want to be here for it,” he said stubbornly, “and before you say another fucking thing about underpaying you… I think you're being too nice.”

You began washing and whacking your brushes to the drop sheets below. “Too nice?” Where was this coming from? “You can relax; we’ve run out of light for today, the downside to using natural light.”

He pulled himself out of the chair with a moan you pretended to not hear, “You could stand to be meaner. You just tore my church a new unholy hole; you did not fucking care whether I liked what you had to say or non. It was.. beautiful discourse. I see you care for big-world concepts but leave some care for yourself, too, Pittore. I see you working hard. You should take what you fucking deserve.”

He’d stunned you into fumbling for words before you could adequately hide again, “Is this a religious teaching from Papa Emeritus the Third himself?” You looked in mock surprise, covering up hurriedly in humour.

“Hey, I'm being fucking serious. Know your worth… I can see it. I, uh, found your Wikipedia page,” he looked sheepish before he stretched and looked away from you.

He sounded like Marie, and you also liked how his accent tackled 'Wikipedia page’. “Oh, did you now? What does it say about me~?”

“Ah, I didn't read much; I wanted to see your work. You are very impressive, caro Pittore.”

“Thank you,” you didn't let the compliment sink particularly deep. That would mean caring about Papa’s opinion, and you wouldn't allow yourself. You deliberated—fine, “I googled you too,” you peeked up from spraying your pallet to store in an airtight place.

He was smiling.

“I like your voice, Papa.”

Then he was grinning. “Grazie, Caro.”

You both stood there momentarily before remembering you were storing things.

He leaned against the desk and stretched out some more, which came with interesting hip movements. “We have a mass tonight; Cardinal Copia is taking it, so I didn’t have to prepare. I think you’d like him. He thinks entirely too fucking much, all the books and all the ‘discourse’... If you wanted to come…” he shrugged as if it made no difference.

“I…” and then you remembered your last nights of terror, of the endless dark. The nightmares of waking up to a man in a ghoul mask standing over you. Your left arm arched. You didn't particularly want to go back to your motel room. “Will there be nuns?”

He chuckled, “Yes, but I will keep them at bay. I am very talented at that sort of thing~”

“You know I wasn't kidding about the incense putting me to sleep?”

“I'm sure I could keep you awake all fucking night if you wanted me to,” he promised, voice low.

“How did you ever get so quick on your feet?” You laughed, pretending whatever he had to say had no effect on you whatsoever.

“I uh, practice rigorously.”

“Well, maybe I am curious to see what a black mass looks like; just how hypocritical could it be?”

“Then I am honoured to be a part of your first.”

You scrubbed your hands in the turps bucket. People think artists' hands are soft, but they’d be incorrect. Marie’s, maybe. You moved on to a rag, then would wash them in a bathroom when most convenient.

Papa had the look of someone wanting to look at your painting but knew he could not.

“Soon,” you promised.

“Not too soon, I hope,” he said honestly.

“You really are….” you sighed.

“Fucking brilliant, uh?”

“Not what I was going to say.”

“I need to change; I don’t want to upstage the cardinal.” He opened the door for you and stepped to the side.

“Oh, is the pope-dress too much for the event, am I overdressed then?” You lead out to the hallway and wait for him to show you the way.

“Pope-dress?!” He raises a finger to his lips, “This is a test; firstly, I'm happy to wear dresses. Secondly, this is not a fucking pope-dress. It's a chasuble, and before you say anything, this is not a ‘pope-scarf’; it is a pallium.”

You were just laughing at this point. “Oh, that so is a pope-scarf.”

“So fucking uncultured,” he chuckled and scanned over your smile. “Ah, looks like you need to get cleaned up too.” He reached for a moment but let his hand fall, “uh, your cheek has paint on it.”

“Oh? So does yours; I just wanted to fit in around here.” You made no move to get it; you'd deal with your appearance in a mirror.

“Ah, I see what you have done. Is it because you are the new Papa?”

“Exactly.” You gingerly touched your left shoulder in curiosity. It was hurting more than it had that morning, feeling hot. You might need to check you haven't split anything.

~~~

If you like this kind of thing, I am adding to it every day on archive c: It is completed and in editing phase~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/44321002/chapters/111461152 

[florenceisfalling]

ur making sense but can u still elaborate

hi sorry i went to get food

but Basically if you go into the comment section of any post where there's discourse about polarizing topics, a display of something "weird" or "cringe" but ultimately harmless (or even something that is NOT that weird!!!!!), or even just a joke that is going over peoples' heads, you tend to see comments where people will act confused, shocked, or suspicious in a way that is just. playing stupid.

it's comments that are just "bro..." or "huh" or "🤨" or "😨" for no fucking reason. you see "umm..." commented under tiktoks of fat or disabled people showing off their outfits. you see "huh" commented under things where someone's talking about politics in more complicated terms. you see a bunch of "😨😨" commented under tumblr posts where someone makes a joke and then even EXPLAINS the joke in the notes or tags, but people dont look at it bc they just wanna act scandalized instead.

those are the ones that piss me off the most because they're so stupid!!! so useless!!! they're so vague because the person either doesnt know enough with substance to actually argue about anything, or is too much of a coward to make a direct insult, but they still gotta take up space Somehow. the most infuriating shit is when people comment that stuff on a video of an autistic person being ~weird~ and, when asked what they mean by it, just respond with more "😶" or whatever. its such a weird form of cyberbullying! how did the internet find a way to emulate getting stared at in the middle school hallway via comment sections!!

the judgment also comes in the form of suspicion made from Nothing. like back when i used tiktok (why did i do that to myself) i had people who were mad about me calling myself a lesbian go back to year-old posts where i made shipping jokes to comment "🤨" and shit like that. not even abt "problematic" ships or anything, just whatever they could possibly imply a problem into.

its like!! what do you want??? every time i see ppl say that shit i wanna just go "use your words :)" and often "use your Eyes :)))))" because they will freak out over stuff that they literally did not bother to look into for an explanation. they just wanna be spoonfed! its so stupid! instead of just scrolling or at least Arguing a Point they just decide "yknow how should i approach this thing i dont like or dont understand? imply like the subject is deranged/suspicious/creepy/weird in the most childish way possible!" and i cannot stress how banal some of the stuff is that gets FLOODED with comments like that. fat person in a swimsuit! adult woman in pastels! drawing with blood in it! art sculpture that doesn't look cutesy or minimalist! people dating with a 4 year age gap! politics that use big words!

and when they are using a comment that (miraculously) goes over 8 characters, its the kind of thing like "the way i almost had a heart attack 😰😰" like what do they want me to say!! ohhh are you a baby? are you a little baby?? did it scare you that bad??? do you need me to call an ambulance because you had to see a cringe person???? god forbid a cringe and maybe kinda horny or gay person???? maybe even one with unpopular opinions?????

[allsassnoclass]

hello!  i gained a few new followers yesterday, i assume from the twitter exodus, so i thought i’d give a quick reminder about some tumblr etiquette!

REBLOG, DON’T REPOST - this is the biggest thing!  you’re going to see some amazing gifs, art, edits, and great textposts here!  if you want everyone else to see them too, reblog them! do not repost them!  reposting is stealing, and it will probably get you blocked.  reblogging keeps the tumblr ecosystem alive!

for the most part, add your comments in the tags, not the actual body of the post.  if it’s just a little “yeah i agree” or something similar, keep it to the tags to not clog up the original post.  same if you want to monologue off-topic!

do not censor trigger words in your tags (ex: suicide, abuse, etc).  that will render the trigger tag useless.  people can’t blacklist that tag and keep themselves safe if you do not give them the tools to do so.  there is no sort of negative impact of you writing out the actual words like that.  tumblr doesn’t have an algorithm and doesn’t blacklist words

in general be kind and courteous! don’t start discourse, don’t be throwing unnecessary hate

feel free to block people you don’t vibe with!  it’s not a big deal. other people will block you too and it’s not personal

make your blog your own and have fun!

[pronounpinbadge]

Do not FUCK with my mutual. Someone can be educated on a topic without knowing every acronym and all the names TERFs call us. You can know the nuances of radfem ideology and know how harmful it can be to trans people without knowing every insult they us for us trans people.

Just because someone doesn't know 1 thing does NOT mean all their knowledge on the subject is completely invalid and useless, no matter how common that 1 thing is.

i love u so much karkat points points points points points ☝️☝️☝️☝️ EXACTLY this

even then i support people who know fuck all nothing about radical feminisms ideology and only know theyre transmisogynistic by nature and thats enough to hate them. you dont need to know the intricacies of early 20th century eastern Europes political state to know what the nazis did was fucked up You dont need to know inane kiwifarmsesque acronymal discourse to know that the people who rallied hand in hand with nazis against a general minority are most likely shitty people too

[kishimotomasashi]

Sasuke

Send me a character and I'll tell you:

First impression:

I first met him through a Naruto game on the nintendo DS my friend let me borrow and so my first impression was entirely related to his abilities in the game. Which I thought were pretty lame. It was Naruto Ninja Destiny, I believe. So I wasn't really interested in him at all I just vaguely knew he "turned evil" because I saw him in the Akatsuki cloak and I was like "oh, his evil older brother corrupted him? that sucks"

Impression now:

My baby boy forever. I will see characters come and go and will have many phases but Sasuke will always have a special space in my heart.

Favorite moment:

I think the entire moment where he's speaking to the Hokage he made Orochimaru revive. Not only because it was such a great moment of character growth for him, a decision he made without like 3 awful adults manipulating him into it at once, but because it was honestly kind of funny, too. Imagine going up to the God of all Shinobi and saying "btw, my brother is better than you". Sasuke physically cannot stay three minutes around an adult without disrespecting them.

Idea for a story:

One day I'll write that Team Taka character exploration longfic and then it'll be over for you bitches.

Unpopular opinion:

It's twenty twenty TWO put the anti-Konoha/Sasuke-was-right essays down. We get it. Everyone gets it. Most people agree. I agree. I don't need to see the same 5 posts I've been seeing since I logged onto this website in 2016 anymore, talk about something else oh my GOD.

Same goes for the fucking shipping discourse, everyone stop arguing about sasunarusasusakunaruhina or whatever and join me into SasuGaa and PolyTaka nation

Favorite relationship:

I guess still his relationship with Itachi? I'm soft for their childhood flashbacks but I also like exploring Sasuke's feelings on him after he learns the truth about him + after their final moments together. Meaning it depresses me to think about it and apparently I can't get enough of Sasuke angst. It's just a really fucked up sort of attachment and I'd like to imagine how he ends up dealing with it and growing out of it so it doesn't hurt him anymore :(

Favorite headcanon:

I have two faves:

1- Sasuke used his sharingan to study theory while under Orochimaru in order to memorize things more quickly + to train himself to get used to using his sharingan at the same time. So now he knows a lot of random trivia that is basically useless to him by heart. It only serves him when once in a blue moon he hears someone say a fact about one of the very specific topics he knows about and he's able to tell them that they're wrong.

2- Sasuke does not listen to rock/punk/metal or any of the genres people say he does because of the emo stereotype. Everyone else on Team 7, however, does.

[stefania22lilium-twine]

20231014

Dear Journal,

where may I begin?

I am not sure the things weighing heavy in my heart are things one is allowed to express.

Still, perhaps, I should attempt to as often as I can, because perhaps despite our selfish programming, we as a species of human beings may be able to rise a little higher to become a little bit brighter. If one becomes more selfless in their deeds, perhaps this can truly reflect in the world, and we may all be motivated to always keep burning the flames of positivity, passing it on, while being taken care of in our deepest needs.

Certainly, we could all benefit from the fruits grown in places of the sun, and from the leafy greens from places of ice. Everything in between as well could be saved if it means of value to us. How exceedingly difficult to achieve, but perhaps it is possible.

I often wonder if in Asia the language allows to discourse of the difficult topics faced in the U.S.A. I wonder if English in Asia would help as much as it has here in the U.S.A. where I am currently residing and was born in. My homeplace of birth! The social advancements regarding gender and race here are nearly worth all the troubles, though it seems stifled by its inability to grow further maybe due to restriction of nutrition. Perhaps the country takes advantage also of other regions of our globe (is it truly a sphere? Amazing!), and yet the regions who suffer and pour their help to our land need great help. Yet we need help here too. As someone whose parents both come from Korea and met in California, someone who was not able to grow up in Cupertino like all the other Korean kids from my church I used to go to until 14 years of age shortly after I went through some hard challenges, I feel I struggle with being faced with classism and racism, even from other folks of Asian heritage beyond Korea, and I have to admit I am ashamed I still often find my self also being quite racist, though maybe in general we all feel a natural disdain or fear of any and all human beings deemed other than the self. Perhaps it is all part of the plan, and a survival mechanism simply revering and hailing the information and culture we were raised surrounded in. Perhaps it is just us respecting the particular spirit of the Earth and Oceans we come from. Perhaps, it is indeed natural for us to war, as the cab driver who took me back home from the therapist and psychiatrist's clinic had said when i asked him what are his thoughts on why the globe cannot unite. Different ideas, he said, we have. Do we follow survival of the fittest, even if it means summoning our unborn children into a wretched, wicked, unclean world? Or can we put aside our ego and differences and somehow come up in repowerment and prosperity together?

I feel all of me and my concerns and actions are useless and futile, and I often contemplate suicide because no matter how i try, there is someone who is bound to either become upset or disapprove of my actions with due justice, or outright I just dishonor someone or a force that has aided and guided me along. I pray love and light, God and Cosmos His or Her or their Universe be with me in mind, body, and most of all soul, and that all can continue to be protected.

Thank you for listening, dear Journal! And I pray you do not mind i write you again soon as I can.

Kindest regards,

S.S.