#on that note I wish he was real so I could send him homophobic dog memes

[aruban-spaceshuttle]

One of the funniest things I found myself doing during the DLC was continuously trying to guess Baxter’s motivation for being an ass because I would have like twelve different theories corresponding with phrases he said once locked and loaded only for me to press the space bar and the text box to read the exact same words that have been spinning in my head since 3rd grade.

[rodolfoparras]

Pinky promise I will write more for the concept of turning homophobic dude into your puppy and breeding bitch as soon as I have time. I also wanted to write you something for your birthday but I genuinely don't have time at all 😔

Since my co-worker is on vacation and we only work one shift (aka mine) I am swarmed the entire day and I have cried from stress nearly every day this week and I basically never cry. Also I had customer yell at me and threaten me two days ago and I was certain he would attack me?? He might've if another customer didn't walk in and it was for his mistake too. And when I tried to tell him that and offer to correct it, he got worse. Thankfully my manager is really nice and he told me I could've called him and police and that I should next time.

I really miss being here and every day and interacting with people but like...I barely see my dog because most of them home is spent sleeping. And the play I'm in is in like two weeks and I didn't have time or energy to properly learn my lines yet and we're supposed that have rehearsals before work next week and ngl I feel like throwing myself off of the building. (And I didn't even start with my final paper for college). Also I had bit of a cold and hell of a sore throat, I could barely speak and it hurt to swallow :((

There was so much I wanted to talk about and comment on but I literally don't have energy to type and I wish I could psychically send my thoughts to my phone. I hope you're doing better than I am though ✨🫶🏻 I'm on a hunt for less stressful job, hopefully something online so I can do it when I start college again this year (after two years).

(and side note but I love the idea of period sex but in reality because of my pcos and other problems, I am in way too much pain to do anything irl which sucks. But there are fanfics and roleplaying 😌 and the anon who mentioned this and said they have vampire thing are so real, me too bestie. And thank you for providing links of my husband, trans Simon is elite)

-🔮

Dw sugar bee!! You pop in whenever you have time!! And besides I appreciate the fact that you wanted to write me something sweet in the first place as we say down there it’s like you already did it so thank you lovey!

Sugar bee :(( that sounds absolutely horrible I’m so sorry angel customer service can be hell on earth especially down in the Balkans they really should have security work alongside cashier bc that’s what they do here you never know what can happen you know it’s okay to feel upset about it and cry it out just rmr that it was his fault and customers in general can be devils my cousin worked at a store for a short period of time and she says every time she passes it she gets physically sick bc ppl can be so nasty

And again like I said pop in whenever you can I understand you’re very busy rn and I hope things become less stressful so you can get some rest and spend time with your baby and of course to pop in here but I also have to say I admire you for balancing a job school and hobbies bc personally I wouldn’t be able to withstand this 😭

I also hope you get a much easier job so you don’t get burn out no offense but isn’t life crazy like you’re doing everything that’s expected of us have a job do school hobbies and you’re on the verge of getting burned out every day I am reminded of the hell on earth this is our society

Fanfics and roleplaying are definitely a good way to go about it! I mean might as well take the chance and have a vampire role play with your partner I mean who said that :/

[r-u-in-or-r-u-out]

Pixar’s recent short, Out is the kind of LGBTQ representation we need more of.

Out features “Pixar’s first LGBTQ protagonist”, (Jake Coyle, “With a gay protagonist, Pixar short ‘Out’ makes history”) Greg, who is based on the writer and director, Hunter. 

Hunter’s personal relationship to the narrative is partially what makes this short so groundbreaking in children’s media. For its lack of a strong intersectional approach to discussing multiple identity locations including race, class, and disability, Pixar’s decision to produce and promote Out is emblematic of a shift in social consciousness. It’s not without its issues, but if children are to have any examples of positive LGBTQ+ representation, Out is a good start.

Out features Greg and Manuel, a couple preparing to move from the suburbs to the city, and the story begins with the telltale appearance of a rainbow, wink wink. A pink dog and a purple cat jump out of the rainbow and look through a portal to a middle-class suburban house with a car and a moving van in the driveway. The pair charm the collar of Greg and Manuel’s dog Jim, though the reason is unclear. 

Homodomesticity:

It’s worth noting, Pixar chose the stereotypical white middle-class version of queerness instead of leaning into the already groundbreaking territory. But it is revolutionary in its use of homodomesticity in a children’s story.Steven Edward Duran describes the history of gay domesticity in American media as largely absent until shows like Will & Grace and Ellen came on the scene in the 1990s and early aughts. Homodomesticity is the concept of disrupting “rigid gender identities, heterosexuality, and traditional family values,” by including gay men in pop culture’s domestic and home environments. Queer studies tend to view domesticity as a depoliticizing force, particularly in television and visual media because the association of home and television reinforces the heteronormative social cues presented in the media. While it’s true that Greg and Manuel’s relationship in Out is clearly domestic, it is re-politicized in that the story is geared towards children. The short breaks the ice on a long absence of homodomesticity in Disney and Pixar’s content, sending a message to children that gay men can, and do, have long-term relationships and stable romance.

Post-racialism at work:

Greg is a burly, lumberjack type, white cis male with a thick red beard and red hair. Manuel is also a cisgender man, but any clue as to his cultural background, class, race, or other identities is absent. In the face of Greg’s multiple social locations, the ambiguity of Manuel’s intersectional identity is odd. Greg expresses an intersectional identity: white, gay, and (likely) middle class, while Manuel’s only clear identity-marker is his sexuality. His intersectional identity is effectively erased and boiled down to the singular: gay, a mark of post-racialism that ultimately upholds white dominance and hegemonic systems of power (M. Shane Grant, “We’re All Freaks Together: White Privilege and Mitigation of Queer Community”). This is reinforced by Manuel’s brown skin but otherwise ambiguous racial or cultural identities. Pixar could have expanded the narrative to include more of Manuel’s identity and his role in Greg’s life, but he is instead relegated to the background of Greg’s story. This is likely because Greg is based on the writer’s real-life experience, but it doesn’t mean that Pixar couldn’t have played with the story just a bit.

The photo:

Greg’s boyfriend, Manuel, reveals a framed photo of the two in an intimate embrace. The photo is the pivot point that instigates Greg’s coming-out. The couple discuss the fact that Greg hasn’t come out to his parents yet. Lo and behold, Greg’s parents show up unexpectedly to help with the move. Greg freaks out, photo in hand, shuts the door on his parents, and asks/ forces Manuel to leave out the back door. But as Manuel leaves, he says to Greg, “tell them.”

In choosing to focus on the big reveal of Greg’s sexual orientation, Out reinforces the concept that LGBTQ+ sexuality must be public information in order for characters like Greg to feel authentic (Tracy L. Hawkins, “Coming Out: Challenging Portrayals of Diverse Sexuality”).

White Privilege:

The visual cue of Manuel’s exit out the back door is interesting: Greg isn’t hesitant to tell his parents about the real nature of his relationship with Manuel because he isn’t white, but the move nonetheless serves to privilege whiteness. Kate Sullivan Barak noted in her analysis of Piper Chapman’s white privilege in Orange is the New Black, “conversations about privilege, oppression, and race suffer if this invisibility goes unaddressed” (Feminist Perspectives on “Orange is the New Black”, pg. 48). The invisibility of Greg’s skin color and its associated privileges does go unaddressed. Pixar chooses to focus solely on Greg’s sexual orientation, entrenching the emphasis placed on coming out in pop culture at the exclusion of other relevant conversations in the LGBTQ+ movement.

Mind Swap:

Greg eventually opens the door for his parents after carefully hiding the photo in a stack of books on the coffee table. While considering the weight of his secret, sequestered in his bedroom for a moment, Greg looks deep into Jim’s eyes while holding the magic collar and says, “I wish I was a dog.” In a “Freaky Friday”-esque flash, Jim and Greg’s consciousnesses swap. Several near-discoveries of the photo ensue as Greg-in-Jim’s body attempts to keep the photo hidden and Jim-in-Greg’s body sniffs his dad’s butt and disappears chasing a squirrel. In a surprise twist, Greg’s mom reveals that she knew her son was gay. Not only does she know, but she just wants her son to find a man who loves him and to be happy. Greg’s mom’s response to her son’s sexuality is the reaction we hope for, even if it’s not always realistic.

The story has a happy ending: Jim and Greg successfully mind-swap back, Greg brings Manuel home, and the whole family shares hot cocoa. Yay! 

Purple cat and pink dog share a moment of victory at their successful adventure and return through their rainbow portal.

Conclusion:

I love Out’s positive take on coming out. It’s not a gay story by a straight author seeking to increase the studio’s diversity quota. It’s based on the struggle of a real person. It’s not dressed up in glamour or pretention. The style destigmatizes homosexuality and homodomesticity, confronting the sexual othering that is common in pivotal LGBTQ texts (Brian L. Ott & Robert L Mack, Chapter 9: “Queer Analysis”). Hegemonic power structures do not willingly give ground, particularly when it comes to the social education of children. Pixar’s material is geared towards a young audience, an audience that is often ignored in conversations of representation despite the disproportionate impact that media has on youth. For Pixar’s first LGBTQ protagonist, this is a big step in the right direction.

References:

Barak, S. K. “Jenji Kohan’s Trojan Horse: Subversive Uses of Whiteness”. Feminist Perspectives on Orange is the New Black. Pages 45 - 60.

Coyle, J. “With a gay protagonist, Pixar short ‘Out’ makes history”. https://www.seattletimes.com/entertainment/with-a-gay-protagonist-pixar-short-out-makes-history/.

Duran, S. E. (2013). Housebroken: Homodomesticity and the Normalization of Queerness in Modern Family (pp. 95-104). In P. Demory & C. Pullen (Eds.), Queer Love in Film and Television: Critical Essays. Palgrave Macmillan.

Grant, S. M. “We’re All Freaks Together: White Privilege and Mitigation of Queer Community”. Queer in the Choir Room: Essays on Gender and Sexuality in Glee. Pages 69 -83. https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/osu/reader.action?docID=1819253.

Hawkins, L. T. “Coming Out: Challenging Portrayals of Diverse Sexualities”. Queer in the Choir Room: Essays on Gender and Sexuality in Glee. Pgs. 11 - 23.

https://ebookcentral.proquest.com/lib/osu/reader.action?docID=1819253.

Hunter, C. S. (2020). Out [Film]. Pixar Animation Studios & Walk Disney Animation Studios.

Kadi, J. “Homophobic Workers or Elitist Queers?”. Pages 143 - 157.

Mack, B. L. & Ott, L. R. Chapter 9: Queer Analysis in Critical Media Studies.

[britnxyspears]

my friend’s ex best friend (who is a total fucking nutbag) was jealous of me for being close with my friend when she wasn’t because I was ‘stealing’ her and jfc she was a super homophobe and has the mentality of a petty grade schooler. This woman (she was about 2 years older than us) has a child now and that’s the only reason my friend is still “friends” with her and I get so sad thinking about that poor kiddo. 

I’m also just so fucking livid thinking about that bitch. She texted said nazi guy (before I really knew anything about him, I had met him once, with her) and told him WHERE I LIVED the day after I had MET him and he kept like... taking pictures of the two of us hanging out and sending them to her. And I thought it was just to be kind of petty bc, my friend was also feeling a little petty.

the reason my friend moved on in OUR friendship and out of hers is because I was fucking... nice to my friend. I appreciate her and love her. I’m a good friend, I told her that that bitch was toxic af but my bud realized that on her own. 

I figured this guy, with the story he sold me, was doing the same. He said he wanted better friends so I was nice to him and he was overwhelmingly nice to me. He loved how “real” I was, 

He knew I was having family problems and would come late and drive me around until I cried about it and got it out of my system and we’d like hit up the McDonald’s (the only place in Rural Hell lol) for drinks and fries and then once instead of driving me home before my mom got back he started driving way into the countryside and I was so freaked out. He took me to his house and I was okay and he let me play with his dog outside and I was fine but he wouldn’t let me go inside or anything. Then on the way back to my place he said that Bitch texted him all jealous and shit and told him that she knows me well and that I love to suck cocks and I worship them and shit.

I identified as a lesbian at the time and I did the entire time I was in high school. He showed me the texts from her and I had to laugh at how ridiculous that was. Me, a lesbian, worshipping dick, loving to suck them off and being “nasty”

That’s what fucking scares me. Knowing now that that man was a self identified nazi with a gun collection and obsessed with school shootings... was she trying to get me raped? I was only 16. Nobody had my back, not even my friend at the time because she was way too naive to have called it like how it looks now.

I was also open since middle school about being part jewish, though granted a lot of my classmates probably had forgotten that in favor of only noting that I was a f*g and marking my entire identity up to that. But still if he knew that, would he have fucking killed me? 

I don’t identify myself as partially Jewish anymore because I never got to know my paternal grandfather’s side of the family, even though I had a lot in common with my great grandmother and was really heartbroken when I found out she had passed, I still seldom ever met her enough to talk about our history. My father himself is race faker (he thinks he’s an “honorary black person” ... last I heard, he even has fucking ‘dreads’ asdfgh...and he’s a compulsive liar. I wouldn’t put antisemitism past him either, and I don’t talk to my grandpa Paul enough to say “Hey! your son wasn’t lying when he said your side of the family is Jewish, right?” 

I mean, I’m a blonde haired blue eyed pale person so I figure there’s nothing to be proud about if I don’t even know much of the side’s history (and now likely never will) or really face any hardships of people who without a doubt, are jewish, you know? When I was younger, I was really proud of it. I remember speaking to a holocaust survivor in fifth grade about how I wish I knew that side of my family better so I could learn our history a little better. He was really sweet to me and my teacher actually let the two of us speak for a while longer because I was a shy kid and it was probably the most she’d ever seen me talk. I really hope he’s okay right now, that was over a decade ago and I still remember his face and his story and how angry I was when this one kid who said stupid shit during our reading sessions on the holocaust wouldn’t shut up. I don’t think he’s alive anymore, but I hope that if he is, he’s comfortable. 

But in the end, that’s terrifying to me. 

To think that if if this nazi bastard knew that about me, he might have skipped all that weird shit and just fucking killed me when I was at home, alone. That fucking terrifies me so much and god I want to move. 

What pisses me off is that this Bitch knew that about me, knew about him I’m sure, and probably sent that bastard in hopes that he’d fucking rape me or hurt me or whatever. 

I tried really hard not to think about this and I just... I don’t have anywhere anyone to put these thoughts on so sorry for the vent. As far as I know, I’m not in immediate danger. I’m just. Paranoid. And something recently triggered a lot of these memories and I’m just. bent out of shape.

[jokessho]

Fic: Courage

For if you’re not afraid, how can you be really brave? –Tove Jansson

I really appreciate Matt.

Not just because he’s now my best friend, but because he used to be my rival.

Don’t get me wrong; I used to hate him for always arguing with me. We fought like cats and dogs, often getting physical and really hurting each other.

Occasionally we do still fight, but they’re not as lengthy as they used to be. These days we realise when we’re in the wrong and why the other is telling us that we’re being an asshole. For example, I’ll say something inconsiderate and Matt will immediately snap at me and tell me I’m an idiot. Sometimes I will try to defend myself (in vain) for a bit, but soon come to the conclusion that, yes, Matt is right and I’m being an inconsiderate jerk. I apologise to whoever was offended and then everyone’s happy. This works the other way round, too.

We both realise that we have our flaws and faults and that the other person completes us. Matt’s the thinker, the one who will consider all options and everyone’s feelings, but sometimes he thinks too long and the opportunity passes. I’m the hothead - the one who ploughs on without considering others or other options and I make decisions as soon as the opportunity presents itself. But sometimes I make the wrong move. In that way, we really complete each other; we balance each other out. Together we are unstoppable.

Back to what I was discussing in the beginning: why I appreciate Matt for always having fought with me back in the Digital World. Well, it’s easy to be a good leader if everyone follows you like sheep, right? If everyone just goes along with whatever you say, then of course you’d be a good leader. Just like it’s easy to be courageous if you’re not afraid of anything. But I, of all people, know that courage is not the same as not being afraid. Real courage is facing your fears. Just like being a good leader entails facing criticism.

And, boy, did Matt criticise! It really pissed me off. But now, as I said, I appreciate it. It’s made me a better person and leader. His arguments forced me to defend my own opinion, teaching me how to stand up for my beliefs in the face of adversity.

He made my skin thicker.

He made me stronger.

Now I want to be his strength.

We started dating last week.

Some homophobes from our high school found out and, naturally, now the whole school knows. No one dares to approach us physically (Yama and I are well-known for our fighting abilities), but we get a lot of hate in the corridors.

Matt taught me how to face this kind of criticism. I never returned the favour...

Sure, he knows how to take a punch and some harsh words, but, at the same time, he’s more sensitive than I am and others’ opinions of him do affect him on a deeper level. He doesn’t let it show, but I know that, currently, he’s like a ticking time-bomb – I don’t know when he’ll break, but I want to be there for him.

I can see it happening already: him finally cracking and telling me all his deepest fears, and me countering all his arguments. Just like in the Digital World. Only this time we’re not rivals or arguing; he’ll probably be crying and I won’t be an inconsiderate prick.

I want to be there for him. To be his strength. To give back some of the strength he forced upon me five years ago.

I look to him now, sitting there, in class, one row to my right and two seats forward.

Is he thinking about those comments from earlier? Is he trying to focus on his work in order to drown out negative thoughts? Is he sending me silent pleas to ask him about it?

He’s looking at me. Maybe he is asking me to approach him about it.

Wait.

He’s giving me a strange look and jabbing his head minutely towards the front of the cl—Shit!

The teacher’s staring at me expectantly, looking like she has just asked me something. No idea what it was.

I look to my best friend, wishing that we were in maths, instead of literature, so that the answer would be a simple number, instead of a long, philosophical analysis of something. As expected, Matt can offer me no help on this matter right now.

Sheepishly, I ask the teacher to repeat the question, but she just sighs in disappointment and turns to another of my classmates for the answer. I tune her out and turn to my boyfriend, giving him a huge grin, both of us knowing that I somehow, miraculously, avoided getting a detention. He just rolls his big blue eyes and returns to his notes.

The rest of the class passes by without incident – a fact which I am grateful for – and we are released from school until tomorrow morning.

I shove my things into my book bag and rush over to Yamato’s desk. He’s putting his things into his bag in a calm and orderly fashion. He cares about the state of his books and papers and has separate folders and notebooks for all his classes, plus the one he writes music notes in every so often.

The Teenage Wolves officially retired from the music business last year, but music is still a sort of outlet for Matt. He still composes new songs and sings them to me and the rest of the Digidestined gang, or just keeps them to himself. I’m glad he has this way of expressing himself; starting a band and writing songs really helped him come out of his shell. He’s even shown me a few songs that he wrote when he was feeling really depressed and there are a few that helped him come to terms with his feelings for me. I’m honoured that he would share those with me.

I watch as he rises from his seat and smiles at me. I love his smile. Back in the Digital World his smile was either sarcastic or exaggerated; he would either smirk, or laugh obnoxiously. It annoyed me so much back then, but now I realise that it was a defence mechanism. Oh, don’t get me wrong, his smirk is all natural. But the laughing wasn’t. It was always to hide something or put up a front for Takeru. He still doesn’t laugh much, but I’ve been lucky enough to have witnessed the few times that he did.

We leave the school, walking close, but not too close. Just because most of the school knows about us doesn’t mean that we need to be constantly reminding them of our closeness. No, it’s best if we confine our relationship to our apartments and, occasionally, the secluded areas of the park at night time.

We reach his apartment. His father’s not home. I pull him over to the sofa and let him snuggle against my chest. I run my hand through his silky, blond locks. I love his hair.

Should I ask him? Would he tell me? Would he allow himself to show weakness already at this stage in our relationship?

My stomach ruins the peaceful moment we’re having and he graces me with one of his rare, soft laughs, offering to make me something to eat. I accept and we make our way to his kitchen.

Ever since he retired from the band, both his kitchen and whole apartment have been spotless. The place used to be a mess, but now that he has time, he is putting his house working skills to good use. Many jokes have been passed about him making the perfect wife for someone, someday, or of him being a household Goddess. He usually just brushes those kinds of things off, taking no offence.

I wrap my arms around his slim waist, pulling his back into my chest, nuzzling his shoulder. He swats at me playfully, telling me that I’ll have to eat off the floor soon. I wouldn’t mind; as I said, his house is nearly spotless. Yet, I let him go and retreat to sit at the kitchen table. I just watch him. I like watching him; he has a certain grace and elegance to his movements, which I admire. He seems to flow seamlessly form one action to another. It looks so effortless.

He’s told me that he likes the way I move. I do wonder about that. He scolds me when I question his statement. He says that I have very good control of my body on the field, when I’m kicking the ball around.

He sets the table whilst waiting for the food to finish cooking. He’s a great cook. Now that he has more time, he has been able to keep the fridge stocked with fresh ingredients and has been able to produce amazing dishes from those.

I’m lucky to have him.

Food appears on the table as I’m lost in my thoughts, but I manage to catch his wrist after he places the last dish on the table. I pull him to me and he has an amused look on his face. I kiss him. Nothing too deep or passionate. But nothing too chaste, either.

A light blush dusts his normally pale cheeks, but his deep blue eyes are bright with happiness. I love making him happy. And if that happens to involve kissing him, then all the better.

We eat in relative silence, mainly because we’ve both been taught not to talk with our mouths full. It doesn’t bother us, though; we’re perfectly comfortable just hanging out in silence. Yamato is very quiet anyway, so I know he doesn’t mind the silence. I like to talk and am known for babbling on and on about mundane things, but I am also comfortable with silence, since I know actions, or just the mere presence of another person, speaks louder than words do.

I’ve learned to read Matt quite well, I think. I can tell when he just wants to cuddle in silence and when he wants me to fill that silence with inane talk.

He also understands me and my moods better than anyone else. A lot of people think that I wear my heart on my sleeve, showing everyone exactly what I’m feeling. That is the case most of the time, but there are times when I do try to hide behind a mask. Yama is the only one who catches me at this and confronts me about it once we’re alone. Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have him?

I always do the dishes for him. At first he tried to protest, but I convinced him to let me. It’s the least I can do, after all, since he cooks for me. And loves me. I don’t think I can ever truly repay him for loving me. I can try to pamper him and I love him with my whole being, but it doesn’t seem like it comes anywhere close to how much I actually appreciate his love for me. I hope he never leaves me. I don’t think I could stand it.

He grabs a towel and starts drying off the dishes that I’ve washed and rinsed. I tried to get him to let me take care of everything, but he convinced me otherwise by saying that it’ll be faster with him drying. It leaves us with more time together. I was sold.

We retreat back to the couch and my hand immediately shoots into his hair. It’s so addicting. Most of Matt’s fans would kill to get a chance to even touch his hair. What most of them don’t know is that he doesn’t really take long at all to fix his hair. In fact, he does very little with it; only washing, conditioning, and combing. No gel, no spray, nothing. Sometimes he forgets to comb his hair, but it’s so silky that no one really notices. Besides, it’s usually only on days when we’re together and not going out, so I comb it for him with my fingers.

He seems to be falling asleep under my ministrations. Wouldn’t be the first time. I smile at him fondly, not that he can see it.

I think he’s ok. I may have been making mountains out of molehills. He’s strong. He’s faced criticism for his music, so what’s a little homophobia?

I look at the peaceful figure in my lap.

How did I ever doubt his strength? He’s already had to endure so much in life – a few negative comments from peers won’t phase him.

He gives a big sigh and opens his eyes, gazing deeply into mine, as if to tell me that he’ll be fine – that he is fine.

His pale hand comes up to cup the back of my head. He pulls me down for a kiss.

Even if he does crack – I catch myself thinking – I’ll be there for him.

We pull apart. A lazy, contented smile is splayed on his lips.

“I love you.” I whisper.