#on a good thought! uh im making a playlist which always puts me in a better mood
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satellitesunset · 1 year ago
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myle.txt
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she-her-cuntboy · 1 year ago
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Fantasizing about having a cis boyfriend who talks me into kinkier and kinkier sex, secretly laying the foundations to start detransitioning me. When I realize, im scared, and I go to a friend to talk about my worries. He's trans like me, and agrees that it might be something to keep an eye on, but give him another chance - maybe it has an innocent explanation, and he's not trying to detrans me. Maybe im projecting my own kinks - when's the last time I had sex that wasn't catered to a cis penis? He convinces me to have sex with him, casually, as friends, we've known each other a long time and used to mess around sometimes before I met my boyfriend. It feels so good, but the whole time I feel guilty - what if my boyfriend sees it as cheating? We haven't talked about exclusiveness, and I tend to lean towards polyamory, but if he's monogamous I wouldn't want to do this behind his back. So the moment I come home to him, I break down and confess tearfully.
He listens gravely, and carefully keeps his expression neutral, but I can tell he's hurt. He asks who it was with, and I tell him - he knows my friends. "Oh!" he says. "That's fine, babydoll. Well, I mean- I would have preferred we talked about it before, so I'm honestly still a little hurt, sweetheart... but I don't have an issue with you, uh, having sex or whatever with other people, as long as it's not another real- I mean cis man." I eagerly agree to his boundaries, and reassure him that I've never been into other cis men and he's the exception, the love of my life. I easily ignore his awkward wording - he's not as familiar with queer terminology and talking about sex can be a little weird to put into words anyway.
What he's carefully avoiding scaring me off with is his true opinion that he's slowly going to acclimate me to, which is that queer "sex" doesn't count without a cis man's penis. It's not cheating if it's two transmen, because that's just lesbian sex and there's no real man claiming his property. He thinks it's cute when I call ftm4mtf "straight sex" as if I'm a boy, because he knows my tgirl friend is still penetrating my needy submissive pussy. And eventually, I start to question my gender, especially in the bedroom. My boyfriend is always so much more affectionate and into it when he's feeling up my curvy body, and he loves when I act like a girl. I tentatively break the subject with my ftm friend who I talked to at first, and he's very accepting of my "gender weirdness", and respects my request to be treated like a girl in the bedroom, and then anywhere private, and then in public. We spend a lot of time together, talking about sex and kinks, and he's naturally empathetic and seems really touched when I talk about how good it feels to be a good girl for a real man. I'm barely aware of how convincing I'm being, because I don't know the sappy playlists my boyfriend makes me are full of subconscious conditioning and affirmations behind the music - good girls make more good girls. I'm a good girl. Good girls need cock in their cunts. My needy cunt makes me a girl. Brains are for boys and my thoughts are just noise. Good girls make more good girls.
Eventually my boyfriend is my husband, I'm his favorite submissive housewife, and all my old "trans" and "lesbian" friends are playthings for his entertainment. We love having lesbian sex and putting on a show to earn his cum, and I dont remember any reality other than this, or any reason I wouldn't want to be right where I am.
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orangesideirrational · 11 months ago
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yet another horror au drabble! as always- these are inspired by/ set in the world of @cartilagehumdrum's mvt horror au
(this is part 3, though there is continuity between these i suppose you dont have to read them in order. i would suggest it however)
since ive made quite a few of these- you can find all of them in the tag '#mvt horror' on my profile.
again- this was originally given to the discord server, with little to no editing!
this was also inspired by the song misery meat! its on the horror sharpagne playlist put together by @thepiratefish! its really only one line that got my brain racing (sterling says something similar to the line, if you can catch it) but still!
CWS- fade to black? ig? they only make out but it is a little suggestive. also benny calls champagne a puppy but i really dont know how to classify that
hope you enjoy!
this was insane, sterling decided as he watched benny and champagne debate.
'appendix.' dr champagne stated. it was supposed to be a question, but it didn't sound like one to sterling.
'mmm, tonsils' benny offered, looking far too gleeful about the idea than was warranted.
'you just want me to touch your neck.' dr champagne rebutted. sterling was horrified when benny just shrugged with the same smile still over his face, which had gone slightly red.
'eh, guilty. whatabout a rib?' benny moved the topic on, which left sterling reeling for a moment before champagne spoke again.
'nah, i've already got 4.' sterling jumped in, confused 'i thought you only had 3?' at which dr champagne huffed (laughed?). Benny's face was rather pink as he clarified 'i ah- had ta paid 'im for some info.' dr champagne looked at benny with a smirk that made sterling tense. 'that's not how i remember it. i remember you be-'
'A-ANYWAY! appendix, right?' benny interrupted, now a brilliant red. champagne huffed out another laugh and was about to agree when sterling jumped in again
'why dont you try stealing from someone else for a change?' he asked. dr champagne just scoffed and said 'i cant. well, i could, but Benny's are the sweetest-' before cutting himself off, face going pink.
in unison, Benny and Sterling both said 'wait, you eat them?' sterling in horror, benny in fascination. sterling was about to say something like see benny,this is why we don't give our organs to avatars, you never know what they're going to do with them when benny strolled past where he was standing between them towards champagne.
'you eat them.' he stated, a grin once again spreading across his face before he gasped. 'you're just like a dog!'
it wasn't an insult. it was said with the same gleeful realisation that he had used when someone brought a surprise pizza round.
benny was close to the doctor now, chests almost touching as benny tilted his head and asked the now very red champagne 'do you gnaw on my ribs like a chew toy, pupp-?' before being cut off by champagne grabbing the collar of Benny's shirt and dragging him closer 'what if i did?' champagne demanded before sterling stepped forward
'doctor, i understand that-' he started before being cut off by a loud growl from champagne.
'uh yeah silver ill be fine. but you might wanna leave, watching someone's organs being taxen is never fun.' benny (whose blush was now back ten-fold) assured, still looking up at champagne, who now had a hand around benny's waist protectively.
sterling didn't like it, but he left the room the same.
(from how benny had described it, sterling had thought it wouldve taken far less time for the doctor to take benny's appendix and leave. sterling shook away any and all thoughts that maybe champagne wasnt just taking benny's appendix, but other organs as well. sterling's suspicions were somewhat justified when benny sauntered out of the room, covered in bite marks and looking all too pleased with himself. sterling did ask if benny was ok, but he just said 'yeah, champ's good about only taking what he said he will. technically. i mean he did take three ribs when he only said one that one time but he only took ribs so it counts.' sterling clarified that benny's neck looked like it had been attacked by a shark, and benny just went red and re-iterated that he was fine. )
bonus dialog that i just thought was funny-
sterling: benny, i know your scared but-
champ: hes not scared.
sterling: ?
champ: i can sense fear, and hes not scared.
sterling: then wha- oh.
benny: uh- O/////////_/////////O
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peapod20001 · 2 years ago
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I finally finished the playlist!!! 😭
^^^ that’s the link for it btw lol ^^^
It took way more days than it should have but! It’s done and I can finally share it!!!
Under the read more I’m putting how each song fits for their story thing, like why I chose it and stuff. You can just listen to the playlist on its own of course BUT I’d really appreciate if you gave the descriptions a read, I spent a long time on this as I’m sure you’ve noticed 😭 also, it’s fucking LONG so uh!! Rip your dash I’m so sorry 😭
I’ve color coded the song titles so it’ll be easier to tell which song goes with who, Felix is pink and Mason is orange. Some of the songs have to do with both and I’ll color them accordingly :>
Oh and one more thing, some of these songs/descriptions go over abusive relationships, negative thoughts about oneself, misgendering, drug/medication abuse, violence, murder, suicidal thoughts, and sex, so if none of that is really your cup of tea than I suggest you tread lightly!
꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦꒷꒦
Why be normal when I could just be neurodivergent and sad?
1. “Sugarcoat” : Felix is an autistic trans girl, though nobody that knows her knows that. To them she’ll always be the nice young man with all A’s that seemingly everyone gets along with, and that’s all they will ever know if she can help it.
2. “Alien Blues” : Mason is the type to say whatever is on his mind, whether the outcome of that is good...depends. The people that like him like him, and the people that hate him do so with a burning passion. Having ADHD is hard on its own, pair that with issues stemming from bouncing between foster homes that think he’s a nuisance and you’ve got yourself Mason!
AGH HELP IM...FEELING THINGS?!? 💘
3. “Lookin’ for a Love” : He’s seen how love looks before, lovers gazing into each other’s eyes and holding each other close. Oh how he longs for that! Maybe one day he’ll get to experience that too, his only fear is scaring his only chance at love away...
4. “Love is Gross” : She caught a glimpse of him one day, he had this big goofy smile as he made a fool of himself to his friends. He’s so...sparkly, how could she have never seen him before? Or, maybe she had but just didn’t really pay attention until now. Why does she keep staring? He’s so loud...and so himself...does she want to be like him or does she want to be with him?
5. “Someday (The Crush Song) : “I must tell him how I feel! He’s so great and he’s so cute! Yes, I’ll do it today! Actually no, maybe tomorrow, yes! Tomorrow I’ll tell him! Wait no, I have something that day...the day after then! Yes, wait, no-“
6. “Accidental Thoughts” : (this is their first real meeting! Awh!) “He’s so pretty up close...his eyes are purple and beautiful and his skin is so pink and smooth and perfect...he hasn’t told me to shut up yet, that’s a good sign yeah! Maybe he’ll want to be my friend...I really wanna hold his hand... he doesn’t really talk a lot, I don’t want to scare him...”
Where have you been all my life...
7. “Fading / Falling” : They had been friends for some time by now. One day Felix got asked by Mason to be his boyfriend, the answer to that was no...but she’d love to be his girlfriend! Felix didn’t think she could fall any harder, but everything about that sparkly boy makes her look forward to seeing the next morning
8. “Dear Irene” : He’s so happy with her... she’s better than every girl in the movies, really, truly. He can already see the life he’ll live with her, and he’d have it no other way!
9. “We’ll Never Have Sex” : She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t afraid of his love being fake... who could love someone like...her? But the way he talks about her... he says everything on his mind, and everything out of his mouth is so genuine and sweet, and their first kiss leaves her breathless. And he’s never asked or pressured her for more than what she’s comfortable with... how is she so lucky?
10. “Lavender gardens” : They finally went on their first real date, and immediately got lost. They’re trying their best to make light of it all though, Felix talks about what flowers she wants to grow in her hypothetical garden, and Mason can only think about how beautiful her lavender eyes are...
11. “Smitten With You” : (this song has some explicitly stated sex things just FYI lol) Felix REALLY wants to do things with Mason, but she’s just too nervous to ask him... maybe one day she’ll get the courage, but for now all she can do is daydream about it
12. “Heaven” : (this song has implied sex things in some lines, but other than that it’s fine) Bit tmi but they’re finally able to have their intimate moment together like they’ve both dreamed. It’s not what most would consider the best experience, but they’ve got their whole lives to do better. For now though, it’s perfect
13. “She Loves Cats and I Love Her” : He loves her so much, and she loves him, but she’s having trouble loving herself lately. He noticed when those thoughts of hers started, how could he not? He doesn’t understand when she has trouble believing the compliments he gives her, she’s perfect! How could she think otherwise? He notices one day how some other students have begun picking on her, is it because she’s with him? Why should that matter? She doesn’t deserve to be treated that way! Why does her loving him make her less than? And why do people keep taking out their hatred of him on her?
14. “Ugly” : She was late meeting up with him one day, that horrible day, so he went to look for her. He was horrified to find her beaten to a pulp, getting thrown into the bushes by a group of assholes. He was able to chase them off, he probably would have tried fighting them all himself if it weren’t for Felix being hurt there. She was humiliated more than anything, thinking only, “He shouldn’t have seen me like this...” She cried a lot, begging to be taken home, home of course being the abandoned house they’ve made their safe space. He wanted to treat her wounds, but she refused to show him. He could barely get her to open up about what had happened, and he only got more pissed after hearing everything. Without hesitation, he told her, “Just say the word, and I’ll make them regret what they did to you”
“...I want them dead”
Embrace the new you, it’s the true you 🩸
15. “Original Sin” : When she said she wanted them dead, she didn’t entirely mean ACTUALLY dead. Still though, seeing those kids bound and gagged made her heart race. “They deserve this” she thought. The way they looked at her awoke something... dark within her “Theres no reason for them to exist in this world” her mind was already made, they needed to be eliminated. She grabbed the axe Mason prepared for her like second nature, it was lightweight, but she knew she could make it hurt “Let’s see how you like it!!”
16. “Serve With a Smile” : The first time wasn’t entirely planned or executed very well. The next few times however, will be. She spends a decent amount of time over the next couple months planning how to take out others that’ve wronged her and her love. She will make them pay, and if she’s planned well enough, nobody will ever even notice her and Mason were involved at all...
17. “Killer” : Felix had started posting videos online showcasing her creative talents and curated personality. She actually started growing a decent following from it, and it makes her, happy? She really doesn’t care too much about it right now though, what she really looks forward to are the faces of those who thought they could get away with their misdeeds. Oh the shock and fear on their faces give her such ecstasy! She gets excited at the thought of her baby taking those people down, she knows he’ll give them what they deserve
18. “Mr. Happy” : Mason takes on his role in Felix’s schemes with pride, he even tries his best at teaching their newest additions about their lives and their mission! He’s gotten bigger over the last few months too, Felix convinced him to start working out and take “medicine” to help make him stronger. He does this without question, why would he question her? He trusts Felix with his life, and if you’re questioning her intentions then maybe he should make you disappear too...
19. “Vendetta” : It’s been a little over a year since they began this new chapter of their lives together. All of those kids are long gone at this point, and they’ve since shifted their focus to others that are less than good. Things get rocky between them sometimes, Felix is very set on her ideas and Mason keeps trying to do his own thing, but they always make up afterwards!
20. “Psycho Killer” : Felix is so on edge lately, is it from her growing internet popularity or is the stress of killing getting to her? She’s gotten so snippy at Mason too, getting annoyed at him blabbering on and on about seemingly nothing. She’s gotten more brutal with victims too, trying out new torture methods on them. But she still loves Mason... she still loves him...
21. “My Baby” : Mason notices the way his baby talks to him, like she’s annoyed at his existence. She gets on his ass every time he does something wrong, but that’s understandable! Of course she’d be upset, if he slips and they get caught they can’t be together anymore! He’s making excuses for her, he can’t get mad at her, he still loves her. Even when she tells him she has dreams about them both dying he doesn’t get scared, he has thoughts like that too! That just shows you how perfect they are for each other!! How much they love each other!!
THIS IS LOVE, THIS IS LOVE-!
22. “Don’t Mess With Me” : (there’s some sex hinting/mention here) It’s been two years already and Schadenfreude has let fame, fortune, and power get to her head. It’s rare to hear anything genuinely nice come out of her mouth, even more so to see a smile not tainted by manipulation and hate. She’s holding love above Mason’s head, like it’s something he needs to earn. She’s treating him like a tool, “If you do a good job, I’ll give you a reward~” She gives made up reasons for why everyone they kill now has to die, all she cares about is the drug like high she gets from their screams-!
23. “all I want is you” : Mace is so CLINGY and NEEDY. Every thought in his fucking head is about her. Even when she calls him names and gets him pissed, he can’t help but still love her. Even when she hits him he can’t get upset, her punches don’t really do anything. He has to force himself not to hit back, he really could hurt her and he doesn’t want that! There’s no point thinking about how they used to be, all that’ll do is get him pissed, and the only way to let of steam is slashing some poor bastards throat-!
24. “Love” : Three years now, three years of emotions and hurt and death. She’s begun to love hurting Mace too. Is there any shred left of the girl she used to be? The girl he loved? That dark look behind her eyes can’t really be her, can it? “Look how pathetic you are! Are you just that desperate? You want me THAT bad? HAHA-! Really, why don’t you do something helpful for once and MAYBE I’ll think about giving you what you want so fucking bad”
25. “This Is Love” : Mace is starting to yell and pick fights, and he’s looming over her now too. You can tell by the look in his eyes that he wants to hurt her, but it’s taking every fiber of his being not to. He’s clingy, obsessive, possessive. He doesn’t like seeing her around, but he hates seeing her leave. He goes off on his own to take out people he feels are too close to his baby, and Schadenfreude doesn’t seem to have noticed how close he is to boiling over...
26. “Meant to be Yours” : It all comes to a head one night. Mace declares that he knows how to fix all of the problems in their relationship, all he has to do is kill off everyone that took his baby from him! It may be well into the hundreds but he doesn’t care, if it wins her back he’ll kill thousands! Millions! Schadenfreude, obviously, was absolutely gobsmacked by this, “What the hell are you going on about now??” You can see the desperation on his face, “What?? This will FIX us!! If I do this, we can be us again!!” Mace’s body shadows Schadenfreude, she forgot just how, big he is. He moves towards her, “C’mon baby!! I know you still love me... even if you don’t anymore, I’d MAKE you!”
“What...?” She looks, scared. He moves closer, she steps back “What are ya doin’ baby...? I thought you loved me???” She looks for an escape, their “safe space” seems less safe in this moment, “what are you doin’?? You’re MINE!! You think you can just get me to fall for you and then RUN AWAY?!?” She runs when she sees him grab his axe, the same one he’s used to kill so many others, the same one they used to kill those that hurt them so long ago.
She knows this house by heart, she runs to the room with a working lock and shuts herself inside, Mace is already on the other side by the time she backs away. “FELIX-! Felix, baby... c’mon please, open the door please? I’ll be good, I don’t want to fight you...” you can hear the jostling of the knob and the creaking off the door start to get more aggressive, “If you don’t open this door, I’ll just have to fucking break it down!!”
True to his word he tore through the door with his axe like a knife through butter, only to find that... Schadenfreude isn’t there. She was able to squeeze herself through a window to escape, and she’s long gone by now. Mace doesn’t know where her new house is, and he doesn’t know what to do now that she’s gone. She was his EVERYTHING!!! How could she leave him?!? He can’t be alone!!! His emotions are too much to handle on his own...so he ends up taking the life of some poor souls that night to cope...
What have I done...?
27. “No More Shame, No More Fear, No More Dread” : That night was so cold, so...dark. You may not believe it but...it’s like a switch was flipped in her head. She’s horrified as she remembers all that she’s done...to herself... to others... to.....her love...! She weeps to herself, how could she have let herself get this bad? What happened?? She can’t blame anyone but herself, not the “man” claiming her only purpose was to cleanse the world, and she definitely can’t blame Mason. He may have tried to...kill her but, that’s only because she pushed him to that point... she’s made up her mind, she needs to make things right again
28. “Chamber of Reflection” : Felix and Mason haven’t seen each other for some time now. After their last fight, Felix has decided that they...needed to spend some time apart. She finally calls him one night and explains what they have to do now. She was a bit scared about making that call, what if he’s more angry than she left him? She was startled to find, however, that Mason was sad, and depressed more than anything. The “medicine” she had been giving him for so long were actually steroids, and suddenly going cold turkey left Mason with severe depression, amplified by being left alone...
29. “It’s Alright” : Mason is crying apologies over the phone, he feels terrible about everything he did! He tells her he’s a monster, he tells her he doesn’t want to wake up in the morning...
Felix shuts that down fast. She explains how he didn’t know what he was doing, he wasn’t himself, that everything bad he did was only brought on by her own selfish actions. It takes some time but, she’s finally able to convince him that there’s still good in him, and that they’ll both be able to become better
30. “Little Words” : It’s time for them to hang up, but Mason begs Felix to stay on. He whimpers over the speaker that he can’t make it by himself...he can’t live without her. She gets choked up, she can’t believe she’s hurt him so bad that he feels he needs her to live. She’s silent for a moment, then she asks if he’d like her to sing him to sleep? She never thought of herself as having a beautiful voice, but he loved hearing her sing anyways. He desperately wanted to hear her voice, he pressed his face against the speaker as close as the world would let him, and she tried her hardest not to let the tears in her eyes be heard through her singing.
Sometimes, it has to get worse before it can get better
31. “Heavy” : They were together for so long, not having him around hurts so bad. She knows this is what they need, though, they need to reflect and become better. That doesn’t make this separation any easier though...
32. “Mea Culpa” & 33. “For the First Time” : Mason is getting better, his thoughts are becoming his own again. He often thinks about how bad he was to Felix. He wants to get better for her! He will get better for her! He’s trying not to be so clingy, bad old habits are hard to break, you know how it is. She’s doing a good job at following through with their separation at least.
34. “Love Song” : They’ve started talking on the phone again, and things are going well! Their conversations aren’t about anything in particular, Mason goes on and on about whatever he’s interested in and Felix listens intently, it’s just like how they used to be
35. “Dead Girl Walking” : (The actual song stats at 1:05) Felix suddenly remembers, “OH SHIT. I LEFT NICK AND NEEDY” unsurprisingly, shit went down while she was gone. Needy is dead at the bottom of a flight of stairs and Nick is nowhere to be found. She rushes home and calls Mason, they need to disappear before Nick rats them out! (That’s what she thinks Nick would do anyway) While trying to plan out what to do, Felix realizes something. If they’re going to get caught anyways, why not just spend their last days together...? There’s no need to convince Mason, he’s already on his way! They’re excited to see each other in person again, to hold each other, to breathe each other again. They notice how the other had changed, longer hair, some weight gain between them both, they look happy! They’re on each other like nothing bad had ever transpired between them, and they’re able to say the first genuine I love you’s in a long time.
36. “Baby You’re Out” : While in his arms, Felix talks about all she regrets, she still feels so awful over everything. Mason is able to convince her about the silver lining of it all
37. “Turn and Go” : Felix decided what she needs to do, she’ll leave all the fame behind so she can spend time with her love! She’s only further convinced this is the right decision when the reaction to her departure is so negative
38. “Go Easy” : Mason is worried for Felix, he’s scared that the world may be too hard on his baby, or that she may be too hard on herself. He makes up his mind that he’ll protect her from all the negativity the world may throw at her, in a reasonable non-murder way of course
Let’s live happy now 💕
39. “My Pug” : To say Felix is absolutely in love would be an understatement. She missed this, she missed having him by her side, and she missed holding him close. She doesn’t need anything special or expensive, all she needs is her happy darling
40. “Side / Side” : Mason loves Felix so dearly, from the moment they first laid eyes on each other in school, to the moment they die. They’ll never be without each other again, they’ll never be alone in this world again
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reidsnose · 4 years ago
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love letters
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overview: spencer has a wonderful idea after finding out that reader had never gone to her senior prom
genre: fluff fluff fluff
a/n: i mixed two ideas that have been sitting in my notes app for this lol but i think its sweet!! i wrote it a little rushed and definitely not bc im not getting a prom this year due to miss rona👀 LMAO but as always please lmk what yall think ab it :)
masterlist
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the idea had fully occupied his thoughts the second after the words left your mouth.
it was "the buttcrack of dawn" as you had called it, though spirits were high on the late jet ride home. it was a rare but much needed positive end to the case, and everyone was happily chatting with each other. since the case was involving high schoolers, the subject fell on prom. everyone went around sharing their prom stories one by one, recalling awful dresses and questionable dates til the questions turned to spencer.
"what ab you, pretty boy, what was your prom like?" morgan asked, still smiling widely from recalling his own.
you watched spencer shift uncomfortably for a second.
"i uh..i never went to prom." he stammered, a tight lipped smile on his face.
"no! you just dont wanna tell us!" prentiss cried, throwing her hands in the air.
"i graduated high school when i was 12! why would i have gone to prom?" he reasoned.
"you had to have gone when you were older or something! everyone has!" jj countered.
"thats not true, i never went to prom either," you defended, subconsciously inching closer to spencer.
before anyone could even ask you to explain why, spencer got the idea. he mentally left the conversation after you gave your answer. he spent the whole rest of the ride home and the next couple of weeks brain storming and planning.
and casually after work one day, as he was walking you to your car, he asked you if you wanted to hang out with him that weekend; at his house.
you and Spencer had hung out before, but mostly at your house or at coffee shops; he didn't invite people over very often.
of course you agreed but you grew confused when he told you to dress fancy.
you raced home afterwards to raid your closet, looking for any fancy dresses you may have stuffed in there.
spencer spent the whole day preparing his apartment. he put up streamers and balloons. he made a playlist of all your favorite songs. and then he rushed to get his clothes from the cleaners.
and when you knocked at his door the breath that left your lungs struggled to come back after he opened the door.
he stood in a gorgeous suit, different than he had ever worn to work. he rubbed the back of his neck and gestured to the living room, revealing the adorable (albeit poorly made but its the thought that counts) decorations.
"um.. welcome to prom," he said, turning back to you, revealing a blushy smile.
he tried not to stare too much at you, but it was difficult. your eyes sparkled as you stepped inside and looked around. and the dress you were wearing fit you so gorgeously he truly couldnt take his eyes off of you.
"spencer, i..." you trailed off, enchanted by what he had done.
"sorry if it looks bad. or if you think its weird that i did this. i just thought cause neither of us went to prom maybe you wanted to have a little one with me? yeah now that i say it out loud maybe you hate it im sorr-" he rambled behind you.
you turned quickly to him as he got lost in his words, eyes glued to the floor. cutting him off by wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him as tight as you could. you could feel the tension leave his body as he melted into the embrace, returning it gladly. he doesn't like to be touched by anyone really, except for you.
"i love it. thank you," you whispered, giving him one last squeeze before letting go.
he has a spread of snacks lying out on the coffee table which he has mooved to the corner of the room to make space for a makeshift dancefloor.
he turns on the music and you two start talking and dancing and laughing. two fools with four left feet completely and obliviously in love. well, oblivious the the other anyway.
a slower song came on, an old one that you had wanted to slow dance to ever since you were a little girl. and somehow naturally you two came together, his hand dropped to your waist, the other delicately cradling your own. your other hand found its way up to his shoulder, feeling as though a magnet was pulling you two closer. and closer.
he looked absolutely stunning. the soft lights he had strung around the apartment sparkled like stars in his eyes; its was...dizzying, in the most incredible way.
unbeknownst to you, as you stared at the stars in his eyes he was looking at his whole world that he had been somehow lucky enough to hold in his arms.
he held his arm out, allowing you to spin and when he pulled you back both of your arms ended up wrapped around his neck, and his around your waist. you were less dancing now and more...hugging. with your head pressed to his chest, he hoped with all his might that you wouldn't be able to hear his hammering heart. you most definitely could, but it was calming to know he was as nervous as you were. you smiled, listening more to his heart than the music he had played for you.
you were both sure that you could burst from pure bliss. the song ended a little too quickly for either of your liking and reluctantly you let go of each other. and suddenly Spencer was hit with the realization that he forgot something.
"oh my gosh," his eyes widened as he looked around the room.
"what?" you asked, mirroring him and looking as well.
"i can't remember where i left your corsage! i was gonna give it to you at the door but i forgot!" he exclaimed, running around the room checking shelves.
you smiled to yourself. he got you a corsage!
"ill help you look" you decided.
"please do," he chuckled.
"i thought you had an eidetic memory, shouldn't you know where you left it?" you joked, shooting him a smug smile.
"y/n, my brain was all jumbled to day and it wasn't just from being around you," he realized what he had said and quickly turned back to the shelf he was looking at, "could you check in my room please?"
his heart was racing at his own stupidity; how could he just say that so nonchalantly? he had been planning to tell you that he liked you for the longest time he cant afford slipping up and having it be anything less than perfect.
you slipped into his room, your cheeks warm from the idea that you make his big brain all jumbled. he probably didn't mean it like that, you were just looking too much into it.
you sighed as you crouched to look under his bed for it. you found a small wooden box that you slid out from underneath. it had your name on it.
is it normal to keep a corsage in a wooden box? you wouldn't know, you never went to prom.
you shrugged your shoulders, "i found it spence!"
with out thinking you opened the box, except instead of a band of flowers you were greeted with letters, all addressed to you. there were annotations written in the margins with purple ink. you furrowed your eyebrows as you scanned the various letters.
dear y/n,
today you complimented my glasses and my heart skipped a beat. thats dumb spencer dont start like that
dear y/n,
im in love with you. too forward
dear y/n,
you make life worth living. shes gonna think youre a creep
you felt a rush of euphoria fill your chest. did he really feel these things for you? your thoughts swirled in the most wonderful way. a wide smile broke across your face, butterflies running rampage through your stomach as you reread his words. his words addressed to you.
"oh thank God i really thought i lost-oh. oh no." spencer started as he walked through the door of his room immediately walking back out. you followed, blinking your watery eyes at him. "i can explain.
"i think youve explained enough, theres like 20 letters in here!" you chuckled, flipping through them.
"i didnt know how to tell you and i dont want to ruin what we already have and i-"
"it wasnt too forward." you stated, grabbing one of the letters.
"what?" he asked, dumbfounded.
"in this one," you held up the letter, "you wrote dear y/n, im in love with you. and then you crossed it out and wrote that it was too forward but i dont think it was."
"youre not mad?"
"mad? spencer ive been trying to admit the fact that im in love with you since i realized it myself, why would i be mad?"
"youre..you feel the same way?" he looked back up at you, a hesitant smile pulling on the corners of his lips.
"more so," you beamed, stepping closer.
he wrapped his arms around you, "thats good or else the rest of this prom would have sucked."
you chuckled, pulling him impossibly closer to you as another perfect song played.
-
-
ultra mega super cool taglist
@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @vampire-overlord @takeyourleap-of-faith @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni @luvspence @calm-and-doctor @ssavanessa22 @singularityjc @sydnee-kom-spacekru @sydneekomspacekru
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onceupon · 3 years ago
Text
London Boy - Part 3: I like girls that dance
summary: It’s your first night out and your first real introduction to Westheath. Rafe is quick to find his way on your radar.
pairing: Rafe x reader (slowburn)
warnings: swearing, drinking
word count: 4.6k
a/n: the way I’m imagining Jack Harlow as I write Liam 😩✋also, im pulling these chapter titles out of my ass - but actually tho, go listen to Girls That Dance by Masego 
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Part 1 Part 2
Despite your doubts, you put on the sheer top and the black mini skirt Millie and Olivia had insisted you wear. Your favorite pregame playlist plays as you do your makeup in the mirror. You move as quickly as you can, in desperate need of a shot to calm your nerves before your flat fills with people. You’re also nervous about seeing Rafe after that encounter in the kitchen you just had. 
As you run your fingers through your hair and put on your earrings, all you can see is his stupid (and annoyingly attractive) face, staring down at you with that dumb backwards cap, telling you that you guys should watch Game of Thrones together. Every time your mind starts to think if that means something, you quickly shut down the thought. Of course it doesn’t mean anything. Just because a boy wants to watch a show with you does not automatically mean he wants you or that this was going to turn into some kind of Netflix and chill situation. Or was this gonna be a Netflix and chill situation? I mean it was Rafe Cameron after all, the boy certainly had a reputation. But then again, hadn’t he just showed you that he’s different from what you had expected? Oh god this was all too much to think about right now, you needed a shot. Stat. 
“Y/N!” Olivia shouts, swinging the door to your room open right on cue. “Oh. My. God. You look so hot!” she exclaims. “Here, this is for you,” she extends a shot glass toward you with a devilish grin. 
“Oh god what is it,” you grimace. Shots always seemed like a better idea in theory than in practice. 
“Try it and find out,” she smirks. You sigh and send the liquid to the back of your throat, immediately cringing at the sting of raspberry vodka, Olivia bringing a cup of cranberry juice to your mouth to chase. 
“Don’t worry love, a few more and you won’t even taste it. Now come on,” she laughs, dragging you with her to the kitchen. The rest of your flatmates are already there, Millie bopping along to the music, giggling at whatever Topper is saying, Rafe standing close by sipping his drink. 
“Y/n you hottie!” Millie cheers, looking up as you make your way into the kitchen. You pray to god your cheeks aren’t turning pink. You don’t dare turn your head, but you know Rafe is staring at you. If you looked at him now you’d be crimson for sure. 
“Alright everybodyyy,” Olivia begins, pouring the same raspberry vodka into the five shot glasses she has lined up on the table. You can’t help but laugh at her infectious energy, this girl is nothing if not the life of the party. 
“Cheers to our first night out as flat mates! Wooo!!!” she exclaims, as everyone grabs a shot glass from the table, Rafe instinctively passing you one, hands briefly touching during the exchange and again as you all clink your glasses. You down the contents, unsure if the heat forming in your chest is from the vodka or the feeling of Rafe’s passing touch. 
Pretty soon people start to arrive, Olivia and Millie making sure to introduce everyone. The flat becomes a blur of bodies drinking, dancing, and mingling about, and somehow, despite it all, Rafe Cameron is the person you find yourself standing with. There was something magnetic about him that you couldn’t quite understand, but it kept drawing you near. 
“What are you drinking tonight Cameron,” you nod at the cup in his hand.
“Jack and coke. Of course,” he scoffs with subtle sarcasm, which you instantly pick up on. 
“Not straight whiskey? Wow. That’s not very Figure 8 of you,” you admonish playfully.
“Straight whiskey? L/n who do you think I am?” he twists his face in mock disbelief. “But I’m game to do a shot if you are,” he adds.
“Hmm that does-“ you begin, but you’re quickly cutoff. 
“Y/n, babe, if I had known you’d be here I would’ve came sooner,” Liam greets you with a kiss on the cheek and a cheeky smile. 
“Now how on earth do you two know each other,” Millie asks, walking in line with the boy.
“Umm,” you chuckle nervously. You could not have possibly felt more awkward at the conversation unfolding in front of you, Rafe standing by as witness to it all. “He’s that boy I went to the bar with the other night,” you explain sheepishly.
“That was Liam!? Chrissake. Well I apologize on his behalf for anything he said or did.”
“Hey I’ll have you know I’m a proper gentleman!” he defends, throwing you a wink as Millie rolls her eyes. Just at that moment, another group of people walk in through the door, conveniently coming to Rafe’s rescue.
“Rafe!” a girl calls and he clears his throat excusing himself, Millie following suit to greet the latest batch of guests. You watch as he leans in for a hug with the girl who’s just called his name. She’s twirling her hair and batting her eyes, confident, flirty, gorgeous - just his type. A sick feeling pools in your stomach, you don’t even realize you’re staring. 
“Lily Colts, if that’s what you’re wondering,” Liam informs you as he takes the now empty spot next to you.
“Oh, um no, I was just uh-“
“It’s okay Y/n, I get it. So flatmate huh” he laughs, unbothered.
“No no it’s not like that at all I uh-”
“Alright. Y/n,” he says, jumping up to sit on the counter behind him, cracking open the can in his hand. “You know I think you’re hot and you know I like messing with you-”
“Actually I know neither of those things,” you reply indignantly. 
“Yes you do, you’re not dim,” he bulldozes right on, “I can read people pretty well, and there was a vibe there.”
“A vibe?”
“Yeah. Between you and what’s-his-face. You should’ve seen the way he tensed up when I came up to you,” he snickers in amusement.
“Shut up. His name is Rafe, by the way, and there was no ‘vibe.’ Also why are you even telling me this?” you ask, growing frustrated with the cocky brunette.
“Y/n please,” he scoffs. “I told you I can read people, so let me read you. You’re out here in London right, far away from home, keen for a fresh start. You’ve never been one for meaningless flings, but fuck it, if everyone else can do it, why not you? Or so you try to convince yourself, but you know that’s not you. See, you crave that emotional connection, and when you find even a hint of it, you’re a goner. Which is why you’d never actually hook up with me and it’s why you’re staring at that boy from home even though you swear you don’t care, but you do - you feel something there.”
You’re dumbfounded by his ability to know things about you that even you yourself can’t recognize. “I liked it better when you were just flirting with me,” you grumble.  
“No worries darling, I’ll definitely still do that. I’ll even dance on you in the club if you ask nicely, might make pretty boy over there jealous,” he motions with his eyes toward Rafe, at which you give his shoulder a shove.
“You’re an idiot you know, Millie was right on the money with that,” you quip, as the two of you head over to her, Liv, and the boys.
“Please, Millie wishes she could be right on something else,” he says as you shoot him a glare, trying your best to suppress a laugh. Liam was starting to become a pain in your ass, too smart for his own good, but at least he was a funny one.
Your first night clubbing was going great. The place was packed, the music was good, and you were having a blast dancing with Liv, Millie, and their friends. You couldn’t help looking around the club though, eyes scanning for Rafe in the crowd. He’d been hanging out all night with Topper and some of the guys from their new soccer team. You longed to be near him somehow, to interact with him again. All your conversations with him earlier today had left you with an excited buzz - you didn’t know what it was about this version of Rafe Cameron in London, but you were actually enjoying his company.
You try to push him out of your mind and just enjoy the moment. It’s not like there was anything between you and Rafe, you had just barely began to form a semblance of a potential friendship today, let’s not get carried away. Besides, you live with the boy, accidentally running into him wasn’t going to be much of a challenge. 
“Anyone want anything from the bar?” you shout over the music to your friends.
“Vodka soda with lime please!” Olivia shouts back and you nod, turning to make your way to the counter a few feet away. You place your order and mindlessly tap your fingers on the bar as a figure appears beside you.
“Hey, Y/n right? Flatmates with Olivia, Mills, and the boys?” the girl asks, and you turn, now face to face with Lily. 
“Uh yeah, hey,” you feign a smile back. 
“I’m Lily, nice to meet you,” she smiles genuinely. “I’m friends with all the Westheath bozos you’ve probably been meeting tonight,” she laughs, “Callum and Henry over there are my best mates. They’re on the football team with Rafe and Topper, we were showing them around earlier. My god you guys have been hoarding some cute ones over there in America.”
You chuckle, “glad that Kildare’s presence can at least be of some benefit.” 
“So, girl to girl here, what can you tell me about Rafe Cameron? He’s such a hottie isn’t he? Would love to get a taste of that,” she smirks, licking her lips.
“Umm I don’t really have much to tell,” you say, unsure of how to navigate this conversation. You could tell her what you thought you knew of Outer Banks Rafe - he’s a rich, party-boy player. But after today, that no longer felt right. You didn’t want to say or presume anything about him at all actually, it felt wrong to talk about him like that. God, what the hell was wrong with you? You spend a few hours with the boy and you already have a soft spot for him? You needed to get a grip. “Our families know each other but we don’t really hang out at home. He’s uh- he’s cool though,” you decide as a sufficient response.
“Any girl friend?” she asks, sliding cash over to the bartender as she orders a shot.
“Rafe’s not really the ‘girlfriend-type’,” you answer, bartender sliding you the drinks you ordered and Lily her’s. 
“Well then cheers to that,” she grins, clinking her shot glass to your drink before she downs it, waving a quick goodbye. You watch as she makes her way back to Rafe and their group, adorning a flirty smile. You feel sick to your stomach. You wanted to hate her, you did. But you couldn’t. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. She was just confident, outgoing, and not afraid to go after what she wanted. There was nothing for you to be angry about, who was stopping you from doing the same?
 But in the back of your mind you decided you could never go after Rafe like that. He would never be interested in you in that way, you were sure of it. You had a hard time believing your friends when they hyped you up, so you definitely weren’t going to believe for a single second that a boy you thought was cool could possibly look at you in the same way. Besides, the mere idea of being rejected by Rafe Cameron, and then having to continue living with him and eventually go back to the Outer Banks for everyone to find out you had been rejected by the kook prince, was so mortifying that the very thought made you want to crawl into a hole. So you promise yourself, right then and there, that you won’t let yourself get hurt like that. You could hang out with Rafe, get to know him, become friends even, but under no circumstances could you be caught wearing your heart on your sleeve. You couldn’t disarm yourself like that and give him the upper hand. You needed to look out for yourself first and foremost, preserving the little bit of control you still had over your life. 
You walk back over to your friends, slipping Liv her drink as her and Jake dance together. Your new friends are all tipsy and in a world of their own, getting lost in the music and their movements.
“Dance with me,” you turn to Liam who’s right beside you.
“I said if you ask nicely,” he admonishes sarcastically, to which you roll your eyes.
“I’m not gonna beg Liam. You wanna dance or not?”
“Sheesh, Lily Colts got your panties in a twist like that?”
“Not. At. All.” You confidently stare into his eyes, sipping your drink. It’s no use, Liam knows you all too well by now, and you curse yourself for the way in which this boy is able to see right through all the walls you put up. You may think these walls are made of brick, but to Liam they’re glass.
He just laughs at you, shaking his head in amusement. He grabs your free hand and pulls you closer to him, your bodies now pressed together. He takes your hand and rests it on the back of his neck, his finding their way to your hips. He plants his leg in between yours and soon you guys are lost in the rhythm. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t enjoying every second. He spins you around and you lightly grind your ass against him.
“Damn Y/n, I didn’t know you move like that,” he jokes, as you face forward again. He leans in, his hand on the small of your back, and you feel his breath right against your ear, “he’s looking by the way.” Your breath hitches, but you know better than to turn around. Liam is already one step ahead of you, instinctively twirling you again so you can quickly catch a glimpse of Rafe’s eyes on yours without it being obvious. “Told you he’d be jealous,” he smirks down at you triumphantly.
“Shut up,” you reply, the slightest smile tugging at your lips as your sweaty bodies continue to move to the music.
—-
“Aw flatmate bonding you guysss,” Olivia gushes, as you all sit together at a booth. She had forced you all out of your beds this morning to get breakfast together. Despite being hungover and groggy, you all reluctantly agreed. “Mimosas anyone?” she jokes.
“If I so much as smell any alcohol I think I’ll vomit,” Topper groans.
“Aw, what’s the matter, can’t handle your liquor Tops?” Millie asks, quirking her head to the side.
“Ha. Ha. Very funny. Could ask you the same question. My room is right next to the bathroom, don’t think I didn’t hear your retching last night,” he snaps back, to which Millie turns bright red and soon you’re all hunched over in laughter.
“I think a mimosa would make me yak right now too, to be fair. Coffees all around!” Olivia asserts.
You’re seated across from Rafe as you both scan your menus, your eyes immediately fixing in on the pancakes. The waiter comes by to take all your orders and you can’t help but blush a little when Rafe orders pancakes and you have to follow with a “same for me.” Such a silly, meaningless thing, I mean everyone likes pancakes. But being the only one to have the same exact order as Rafe leaves you feeling embarrassed, for no good reason all the same. You all begin to scarf down your food as soon as it arrives, thankful to have something to soak up the alcohol in your stomachs, as you share stories and laugh about last night’s drunken antics. 
“So how is it that we’re all flatmates and yet I only have Topper’s contact. Come on, add ‘em in,” Rafe says, sliding his unlocked phone to the middle of the table.
“Wait I want snapchats too. Oooh! And instagram!” Olivia pipes, whipping out her phone as well.
“I expect no booty calls Cameron. This is strictly business,” Millie jokes, typing in her and Olivia’s numbers before passing his phone to you. 
“Am I allowed a booty call?” Topper smirks, extending his phone as well.
“I wouldn’t push your luck Thornton,” she smirks back and he pouts in response. You finish typing your name and number into Rafe’s phone and hand it back to him, skin briefly making contact once again. Even though you had known Rafe all your life, somehow you two never had a reason to exchange numbers, only following each other on Instagram which he never posted on anyways.
“Alright everyone, pull up your snapchat codes, I wanna make a group,” Olivia says and everyone obliges, arms crossing every which way as you all add each other. “What should we name our group chat? Ooo can we do a ship name of our schools - like Kilheath or Westare?” 
“I like Kilheath,” Topper chimes in.
“Yeah I bet you do you psychopath. Sounds like the name of a bad horror movie,” Rafe laughs.
“Oooo there’s five of us, we could be the Spice Girls,” Millie beams.
“No.” Topper immediately shuts her down. 
“What about ‘American Boys and Spice Girls.’ You know, like the Kanye West song,” you add.
“Ehh, we’re getting closer, but not quite there,” Rafe teases you and you playfully kick him under the table. “I’m hearing a lot of opinions and not a lot of contributions,” you cross your arms and raise your brows.
“Hey hey hey, I’m a critic, not a chef L/n,” he lifts his hands in surrender.
“Ooo I got it! We can call it the ‘Royal fam,’ like the royal family,” Olivia suggests, finally getting approval from the whole group. Breakfast is soon over and you all return to your rooms, eager to nap away the remainder of your hangovers. You lay in your bed and stare at the newly formed snapchat group on your phone. Royal Fam 🇬🇧🇺🇸 appears on top and you scroll down, looking at Rafe’s username and bitmoji on your screen. You laugh at the fact that even his bitmoji wears a backwards cap. It was weird, having him in your phone like this. You had known this boy your whole life, but you two had always operated in separate spheres. And here he was, in your Snapchat, a glimpse into the life of Rafe, of which you only ever got a birds eye view of back home. It almost felt like you were trespassing somewhere you didn’t belong, having access to him like this. You sigh and lock your phone. Rafe Cameron really isn’t all that bad.
The next few days fly by fast as you become acclimated to Westheath. You and the rest of the Kildare kids attend an orientation with Westheath’s exchange advisor, spending the whole time with your little trio: you, Rafe, and Topper. When you had first arrived abroad, you were deadset on forging your own path in London and steering clear of everyone else from OBX. But hanging out with Rafe and Topper made you all but forget. It was fun and easy hanging out with them, in fact, counterintuitively, they were helping you forget all about the Outer Banks, just as you had hoped to do. Your conversations centered around your interests, your new lives, on random jokes and made up bits. It was almost as if there was a mutual unspoken agreement between you, them also trying to escape and forget their lives in OBX.
Pretty soon classes began, and you were learning a new schedule and adapting to British schooling. Your evenings were spent singing and dancing in the kitchen as you, Liv, and Millie simultaneously cooked your dinners, getting pints at the pub around the corner with your Westheath friends, and playing card games at the kitchen table with Rafe and Topper, the smack talk between you three flowing strong. There’d be short moments where you’d find yourself alone with Rafe - he’d explain to you whatever Premier League team was playing that day, you’d show him how the coffee machine works, and the occasional passing comments of “so when are we finally starting Game of Thrones, Cameron?” “I’m ready whenever you are, L/n.”
It was a Wednesday night, and you were curled up in your fluffy gray blanket watching Gilmore Girls in bed. You found the show comforting and familiar, the small town of Stars Hallow reminding you of what you wished your life in the Outer Banks could be like. Instead it was more like the cold and pretentious atmosphere of Chilton and the older Gilmores’ Hartford life. Your phone buzzes, and you pick it up lazily to check, suddenly freezing at the notification on your screen.
Snapchat: Rafe Cameron
You had opened a few snapchats from the boy over the past few days, but they were always random ones he would send to the group chat. This one was just for you. You gulp and put your phone down, not wanting to open it too fast. A few minutes go by and you realize you haven’t paid an ounce of attention to the show on your screen, even though you’re staring right at it. Fuck it. You open your phone and tap on the unread snap.
When are we watching Game of Thrones L/n the snapchat says, a picture of his laptop on his bed and the HBO Max home page open, the series featured in the corner of the screen.
You snap back a picture of your blanket and the laptop playing Gilmore Girls in front of you: ready whenever you are Cameron.
Almost immediately you get a response back.
Rafe Cameron: wait are you home rn? His message is accompanied by a random picture of his room, a view you let your eyes linger on until the message expires. Another peak into Rafe Cameron’s world.
Y/n: Yep! You send a blurry selfie of you wrapped in your blanket.
Rafe Cameron: be over in 5
You leave that last message on open and your heart starts to race. Just breathe Y/n, breathe, you keep telling yourself. It doesn’t have to be a big deal if you don’t make it out to be. It’s just a show. Just a show. And besides, you guys are friends now, right? You sit up in your bed and grab your pillow, shifting over to sit horizontally on your mattress. That seems more casual to you, more ‘just a couple friends watching a show together at a comfortable distance’ and less ‘sitting right on top of each other Netflix and chill’. You gulp down some water to ease your dry throat when you hear a gentle knock.
“Come in!” you call out, and now Rafe Cameron is in your room, eyes absorbing all the details that are so you. The posters on one wall, film camera photos on another. The string lights which wrap around your room and give it a warm glow. The plants, the subtle scent of vanilla. The bag you always carried with you, hanging off the side of your chair. He almost felt like he was intruding, like he was getting an intimate glimpse of something that was for your eyes only. 
“Whats up,” he says, holding his laptop and closing the door behind him. 
“Ready to finally start the show,” you laugh, “it’s about damn time.”
“Hey, I’ve been ready, it’s you who’s been taking your sweet time.”
“Is that so?” you ask sarcastically and a smile forms on his face.
“What are you doing over there? Who sits like that on their bed?” he asks, now coming over and taking a seat on your mattress facing vertically, propping your other pillow behind his back. “Can’t even stretch out your legs or anything,” he continues, patting the spot on the bed next to him, signaling for you to come over.
“I don’t know, I think it’s comfy,” you lie as you crawl over to him, your first line of defense already shot down. 
“Weirdo,” he chuckles to which you nudge him in the side with your elbow. “If Topper’s wrong about this I’m gonna give him so much shit,” he says.
“Topper does have a lot of questionable opinions,” you laugh, “but I have a good feeling about this one.
One episode turned into two turned into three, you and Rafe instantly hooked. The nerves you had felt earlier at sitting so close next to this boy in your bed had all but dissipated, you quickly acclimating to the space he took up next to you. Even though by now all your previous misconceptions about Rafe had disappeared, replaced with the boy you had come to know over the past week, there was a small part of you that was still waiting to see if he’d try to pull something on you, like the Rafe you imagined back home surely would. Of course he didn’t, watching and discussing the show with you, making you feel as comfortable as if you two had been friends for years. You almost felt bad for having had doubted him in the first place.
When the third episode ended and you two got into a long post-episode discussion, you hardly noticed when the conversation began to digress. You both started to sink lower and lower down into your pillows, until you were both laying on your backs, staring at the ceiling and lost in exchanges of words and thoughts. The conversation was different this time, more candid and open, as if the shadow of the night was inviting you to divulge thoughts you wouldn’t have shared in the day. He spoke of his strained relationship with his father and you shared the silly drama that had caused a riff between you and your former friends back home. He showed you pictures of his dog and you showed him the video you had been working on all summer long in OBX, not having anyone to hang out with before you left for London. He talked about how he felt so disconnected from almost everyone on that island, and you nodded, understanding all too well. The conversation continued to ebb and flow, the occasional funny video or meme pulling you two into fits of laughter before seamlessly delving into another vulnerable train of thought. You both had your Spotify accounts open now, taking turns sharing your favorite songs. You put on a playlist you had made over the summer, full of songs that made you feel at peace. 
“This puts you at ease huh,” he says.
You turn your head to look at him, “how could you tell?”
“I don’t know. I guess just the way your whole body relaxed the second you pressed play,” he replies.
“Yeah,” you say turning your head back toward the ceiling. “I know it sounds cheesy, but I feel like these songs are speaking to my soul or something,” you whisper.
“Yeah I get that… I have those too,” he whispers back. Neither of you realize it’s already 5 am and neither of you notice as your eyes both get heavy and sleep washes over you, playlist in the background like a lullaby. And at some point during your deep sleep, Rafe’s arm has found itself unconsciously wrapped around you.
---
Part 4
a/n: lemme know what you think!(:
137 notes · View notes
biletdoux · 4 years ago
Text
stages of love | j.jh
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Pairing | jung jaehyun (nct) + female!reader Rating | M Genre + Tropes | college!au, romance (angst, fluff, smut) Warnings | explicit language, alcohol consumption, instant love?, sexual content (drunk sex, receiving and giving oral, penetration, cow girl position, nipple play), greyzone fidelity Length | 15k+
Summary | A playlist for the trials and tribulations of a beating heart
(Or; your relationship with Jung Jaehyun in ten songs.)
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Note: ahhhhhhh!!!! we finally did it boisssss. this fic has been a long time coming and honestly im sick and tired of jaehyun. i’ve spent too long thinking about him for this fic smh. this is also my first time writing smut so we’ll see how that goes lmao. anyway this was a long labor of love so please let me know what you thought of it !!! <333
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1. Peach by IU
smitten at first sight.
“How can I explain this feeling?”
“Alright, I think that sums up about everything we need to cover for today’s lecture. Remember, most of this will be on your final exam. Any questions before you’re all dismissed?” 
Your professor looks up from the board, scans the room and all he sees are most of the students waiting with bated breath, itching to leave the class, and half of those students having already packed their belongings in anticipation. He held them back an extra twenty five minutes today, which is notably longer than previous lectures in which he delayed dismissal.
“Okay, you’re free to go. Chapters nineteen and twenty are due the next time we meet.”
You breathe out a sigh of relief, ready to head out with the rest of the class. You like Professor Jang and find that he makes history somewhat digestible, but he has a tendency to lose track of time, which is inconvenient, but more so today since you have agreed to meet up with Yeri. You glance at your phone to see text notifications and curse to yourself. You’re already ten minutes late and Yeri is many things and impatient is one of them. 
You’re one of the first out of the small lecture hall and you shoot her a quick reply before making your way to the oncampus cafe. Through quickened strides and shortcuts engrained from cross-campus treks from class to class, you arrive in record time. You’re slightly out of breath and impressed by your speed, but you stop, frozen in your tracks when you see Yeri’s displeased face. You find her situated in a small, but cozy corner next to the windows, already unpacked with notebooks and papers strewn on the desk ready to review for exams. It's one of the best study spots in the cafe and you immediately know your best friend had to come extra early to nab such a sought after table. 
“About time,” she scowls, “what took you so long?”
You shoot her an apologetic look, “aww, Yeri,” you pout your lips a little too dramatically, “I’m sorry. I just came from history and you know how Professor Jang is.” 
Yeri looks at your jutted lips in disgust, but then her face softens in consideration. “Hm, I do know Jang.” She scrunches up her nose remembering her time in his class last semester. “That old man can talk for days on end and he never lets anyone leave class early. I guess I’ll let you go this time.” 
You beam at her knowing she’s no longer angry for your tardiness. “Great, drinks are on me today. It’s the least I can do for being late.” Yeri forgives as easily and as quickly as she loses her temper. You learned this after a few weeks of being her roommate. 
Yeri says nothing in silent agreement and you place your stuff down across the table next to the chair she reserves for you. You pull out your wallet and weave through the packed cafe to head to the order counter. The line is long and you patiently review the menu. Your roommate has consistent tastes and always orders a vanilla frappuccino regardless of which cafe she goes to, but you base your decision on your mood. You mull over your choices and by the time you reach the barista taking your order, you decide you’re in an ‘iced Americano’ kind of mood today. You have exams on top of exams you need to review for and a stronger caffeine kick is much needed.
After paying, you head back to the table with two drinks in tow. Yeri takes her drink and after you both take a few sips and catch up for the day, you dive straight to work. The two of you decide to review for statistics. 
Between re-summarizing chapters and answering review questions, you muse to yourself about how your college experience thus far hasn't been that much different from your high school life. You didn’t necessarily hate high school, per say, but it was safe to say you didn’t enjoy it. Your heart was in the arts, specifically music, and you had found studying the core subjects to be boring and tedious. You remember being ecstatic to have been accepted and enrolled in a performing arts college, foolishly thinking your days of solving differential equations and memorizing chemical formulas were over. You specifically remember daydreaming of your hours being filled with keyboard practice and composition notes and only such things. Somehow the reality of mandatory general education courses slipped your mind when you constructed such fantasies.
Despite frivolous and preconceived notions of college, you have already survived a semester and you are nearly through your second. 
“Hey, do you remember when this stats assignment is due?” Yeri’s inquiring voice snaps you out of your brief reverie and you search your cluttered brain for a date.
“Uh, I think it’s due, like, a few days before the final, but I’d have to double check.” 
Yeri nods. “Alright, well let’s take a small break. We have some time till then, we don’t have to finish all of it today.” 
You happily agree and set down your pen. Yeri takes a sip of her frappuccino and you lean over the table to get closer to her. “Anyway, did you hear about what happened with Jiwon and Youngjae from the entertainment management department?”
Her eyes glisten with wicked interest. “No. Do tell.”
Break time is always synonymous with gossip hour between you and Yeri. 
You spend the next fifteen minutes dishing what you know and Yeri offers her own input whenever she feels fit. 
“And they think they’re being discreet, but the whole dorm knows they’ve been sneaking around, but guess wha─” Before you can finish your sentence, you are cut off by a loud and energetic voice calling out Yeri’s name.
The two of you look up to see a slim and boyish brunet waving to Yeri and excitedly making his way to your table. He looks vaguely familiar, but you can’t quite place your finger on it, so you let it go.
He smiles happily at Yeri and greets her. “Hey Yeri, how’s it going?” He notices you there and gives you a polite wave, which you return in the same manner.
Yeri replies back breezily, but with her full attention. “Good. Did you need anything, Mark?” 
He flushes just the slightest bit, but it doesn’t escape your eyes. “Erm, nothing I just wanted to remind you that we’re meeting for the music theory project tomorrow at four. I would’ve texted, but I forgot to get your number in class, and I saw you here and thought it was a good opportunity to tell you.” 
Yeri’s eyes widen, “ah right! I completely forgot about it. It’s a good thing you found me here today, huh? Here, I’ll give you my number.”
She reaches her hand out her hand expectantly, and Mark is confused before scrambling to pull out his phone. You can tell Mark looks flustered while Yeri is calmly putting in her contact information. After finishing, she hands his phone back, “okay, all set. Just shoot me a text so I have your number as well. Thanks for reminding me today or I probably would’ve forgotten and not have shown up or something.” 
Mark smiles again, this time a little more sure than before. “All good. I’ll see you tomorrow, Yeri.” 
They wave goodbye and you watch Mark scamper from the cafe. Your eyes follow him, but Yeri is already focused on you again, paying Mark’s retreating form no mind. 
“So…” you start.
“So?” She returns.
“He’s cute.”
“Yeah, maybe,” she shrugged. “I barely know him though. We have music theory together, but this is the first time we’ve talked all semester and we’re only talking because we got paired up for a project.”
Yeri seems apathetic and you study her closely. You notice she’s acting a little too stiffly carefree to be truly indifferent to the situation. You can’t help, but to tease her a bit. “Well, make the most out of this project then.”
Yeri gives you a hard look and you decide to let it go despite finding your best friend’s situation to be amusing. 
“Anyway, keep telling me about Jiwon and Youngjae. You never finished.” Yeri changes the topic, knowing that you might decide to pester her again if she doesn’t.
“As I was saying,” you started up again. A figure outside catches your attention and you peer outside through the window past Yeri’s shoulders. You realize it’s Mark and you watch with interest as he gestures excitedly, pointing to something in his hand, you assume his phone, to some of his friends. From there your eyes wander absentmindedly from one person to the next, and it’s when you see him. 
The reaction is almost instantaneous. 
“Like you were saying?” Yeri urges, but her words fall on deaf ears, for all your attention is captured by the boy next to Mark with heart-shaped lips.
When you see said boy laugh, you notice he has moon for eyes and you unconsciously suck in a sharp breath. You must have been staring too intently without noticing because he turns his head in your direction and you two hold direct eye contact. Like a deer caught in headlights, you freeze and lose all rational thought. Your head is completely blank. You have never seen someone so beautiful and your mind does not know how to process any sensory information at the moment.
Someone calls the boy away and the entire group of friends leave. It’s only then do you find yourself releasing a breath you didn’t know you had been holding onto so tightly. Your heart is pounding and you feel as though blood is rushing through your ears. 
“Hello?” Yeri sounds annoyed, but you struggle to find the words to answer her. 
You feel a sudden heat rush to color your cheeks a vibrant red and a feeling surges through you that leaves you out of breath and weak at the knees. A steady warmth washes over you quietly and you feel it deep within yourself and you can’t help but let out a small laugh.
How silly, you muse. Not to be dramatic, but you think you’re in love.
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2. Shadow by f(x)
adoration from afar. 
“I’m really really into you.”
The next few weeks are packed to the brim with assignments and papers, but despite this, you still find time for your personal research into the boy who was with Mark that day. 
Being the obvious first and easiest option, you beg Yeri to ask Mark directly about his friend, but she immediately shoots you down. 
“No. Absolutely not. At least not anytime soon anyway,” she huffs. “I’ve barely held two full conversations with him, like hell the next is gonna be about his friend just cause my best friend started thirsting over him after one glance. I mean come on, girl.” She shakes her head at you. 
Yeri’s right and you apologize to her for being thoughtless of her situation. She doesn’t say it, but she seems really hopeful about the music theory project and what might bloom from it. You would not want to impede on such possibilities of happiness for your friend, so you let that option go, but Yeri promises to help in other ways and she does. 
Somehow between caffeine fueled cram sessions and sleep deprivation, you, with Yeri’s help manage to find out more about the boy. You casually ask around in your contemporary writing and production department and she offers help by searching her vocal performance department. 
You find out his name is Jung Jaehyun and he’s a third year in the musical theatre department and that he’s a member of the local chapter of the performing arts fraternity on campus. You also discover his Instagram handle and you find yourself skimming through his page throughout the day more often  than you’re willing to admit to any living soul. 
You occasionally see him around campus since you first saw him at the cafe and each time, you can feel your heart hammer in your chest and you become so flustered to the point of your sympathetic nervous system activating. Unfortunately for you, your body unconsciously chooses flight each and every time at the sight of Jaehyun because you can always feel your knees go weak and your body lurch away to escape in any direction that isn’t Jaehyun’s. You kind of hate yourself each time you do, but you can’t help it. He’s just so pretty that it’s intimidating!
You try to think positive after the bouts of shame you experience after each escapade. 
Well there’s no way to embarrass yourself in front of him if you run away before having the chance to, right?
Even thinking about it now in the comfort of your bed, you can’t shake your self-consciousness and bury your face in a large pillow resting on your knees. Your cheeks are burning and you don’t know what to do. 
“Hey, why don’t you just talk to him, instead of moping all day and stalking his profile like a creep.” Yeri’s crisp words cut through your musings and you glance up to see her entering your shared room in the dorms.
“Shut up. It’s not like I have a benevolent match-making professor who happens to pair me up with my crush for an end-of-semester project.” You retort back before sighing dramatically, “I literally have no excuse to talk to him. We’re not in the same year or major. We don’t even have mutual friends. Unless, y’know, you and Mark hit it off, who knows.” 
Yeri sits down next to you on your small twin bed, resting her head on your shoulder while letting out an equally dramatic sigh, “yeah, well, Mark’s so dense, all the divine intervention in the world isn’t going to help me.” 
You let out snort, “what’s up with you two anyway?”
“Y’know, I could’ve sworn he was into me and I had a chance with him, but every time we meet up we literally only work on the project and nothing else. Every time I sort of tried to do something I get shot down. Like I told him I was kind of chilly today in the library, and he looks all thoughtful for a moment but all he ends up saying is ‘yeah, all the buildings on campus are always cold, huh? Good thing I always bring a jacket with me. You should bring one too next time, I don’t want you getting cold.’ And then he just turns back to the project like nothing. Can you believe him?” Yeri complains and you swear her annoyance is palpable. “And every time I text him to hangout, he thinks it’s to work on the project. I honestly can’t tell if he’s really that stupid or if he’s just not into me.” 
You laugh at her unfortunate, but undeniable state of love affairs. 
“Really? That bad? I remember him being all blushy when he asked for your number,” you recall. “And you should’ve seen how he looked when he showed off he got your number. Well that’s what it looked like anyway, I could be wrong.”
“Well, at least I’ll get a good grade though. Mark is nothing if not diligent and hard-working, with him being a double major and all.” Yeri sounds resigned however, she sighs again, this time more frustrated and you hear the determination in her voice. “Alright, after finals, for sure we’re gonna hit the clubs. We need to let loose, have some fun.”
You agree with her to appease her short temper, but deep down you feel disappointed. You feel sorry for your friend, having genuinely wanted Mark and her to work out, but a small and selfish part of you felt sorry for having no bridge to Jaehyun at all if it didn’t work out between Yeri and Mark. Looks like you were stranded now and you’d have to find a way to Jaehyun one way or another, but your line of help ends here.
Shaking away such negative thoughts, you think to yourself how soju bombs and dance floors don’t so bad after such an intense exam period after all. It will definitely take your mind off of things for sure.
And even though you say this to yourself, you know your mind will still be plagued with Jung Jaehyun no matter how much you try.
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3. What Is Love by EXO-K
careful contemplation. 
“I can’t explain what I feel.”
“Mark, tell me you did not.” The disbelief in Johnny’s voice made the situation all the more hilarious and even Jaehyun, who’s the calmer of the two, couldn’t suppress the guffaw from escaping his lips. 
The tips of Mark’s ears flush a light pink and he tries to deliver a convincing argument, but all that comes out is a meek stammer, further driving Johnny up the wall.
When Mark came up to his and Johnny’s room asking for advice, Jaehyun had an idea of where it was going to lead, considering Mark’s clueless disposition and inexperienced track record, but Jaehyun had no idea it was going to be this bad. 
Mark, having developed a crush on a fellow vocal performance major in his music theory class, came to Johnny, his frat big, to spill his guts and ask for advice constantly. Being Johnny’s roommate, meant Jaehyun was also privy to all the details of Mark’s love life and he had no problem giving advice to the amusing first year student, which Mark appreciated because going to Johnny meant a clowning session before he could get any useful nuggets of information. 
When Mark’s music theory professor randomly assigned the two for the end of semester project, Mark was one part excited and two parts nervous, resulting in a frazzled mess. He has been going up to the second room on the right of the second floor of the frat house almost every other day to ask for advice since then. 
Johnny was thrilled when he initially heard of the project, already envisioning his little’s love prospects, stating something along the lines of “my little’s gonna get laid!” 
However, now looking at Johnny rubbing his temples in exasperation, Jaehyun can tell that his roommate’s initial enthusiasm has dissipated. 
Mark’s daily roadblock today consisted of his crush giving him the cold shoulder and being much more snappy than before in the project meet up earlier. Mark recalls Yeri’s anger toward him and racks his brain for an answer. Even Johnny and Jaehyun are stumped at the sudden behavior, assuming that things were going smoothly from Mark’s previous reports filled with clumsy, but endearing and ultimately positive signs. It’s only when Mark offhandedly mentions her so-called ‘strange’ comment about the temperature, does it become clear why Yeri’s attitude suddenly shifted so drastically.
“I mean, I don’t know what I did wrong.” Mark’s second attempt to defend himself has Johnny flaring his nostrils in indignation and Jaehyun has to turn away in an attempt to stifle his laughter.
“Dude, she’s so into you. Or, at least she was, I don’t know about it anymore.” Johnny starts after calming down. “She left herself wide open for you to take a clear shot and you effectively said to her face, ‘thanks but no thanks’ and then walked away. No wonder she’s pissed, I’d be pissed too.” 
“Well, what was I supposed to do then?” Mark counters. 
“Mark,” Johnny begins, his tone dry and coarse, “you’re killing me.”
Jaehyun deems this the perfect time to step in, the laughter about done coursing through his system at this point. He clears his throat before offering his input, “It’s not too, too bad. Johnny’s just being dramatic. If she likes you enough, she’ll probably forgive you if you play your cards right from here on out.” 
Mark perks up, his attention solely on Jaehyun. 
Jaehyun hums absentmindedly to himself, gathering and organizing his thoughts to properly explain exactly where and how Mark went wrong and what to do moving forward. When Jaehyun opens his mouth to speak, Mark is glued on to every word and Jaehyun can see the gears in his brain whirring at high speeds. 
By the time Jaehyun is done, Johnny has calmed down and Mark nods his head fervently in understanding. 
“Ah, that makes so much sense now! I got it now.” 
Despite his assurances, both Johnny and Jaehyun know Mark will be back soon. 
“Alright little, listen up,” Johnny starts. “Here’s the game plan from here on out.” 
Johnny goes off on a sermon, determined to help his little ‘get some’ as Johnny so delicately puts it. Jaehyun can see it’s not the most tasteful of word choice for Mark to hear, but the youngest says nothing. 
Lounging lazily in the bean bag on his side of the room, Jaehyun knocks his head back and thinks of a few weeks back when he accompanied Mark and some other frat members to the rec center for some basketball. Jaehyun remembers Mark was bemoaning the fact he forgot to ask for some girl’s number and it was as if a higher entity heard the boy’s laments and felt especially gracious, because right as they were passing the cafe, Mark stopped in his tracks and suddenly ran off into the busy building. 
The group of frat boys watched him excitedly weave his way through the crowd of bodies and occupied tables to reach a table with two girls. When they saw the girl putting her number into Mark’s phone, Johnny elbowed Jaehyun, and like a proud parent Johnny exaggeratedly acknowledged his little. “They grow up so fast, don’t they, Jaehyun.” Johnny even wiped an imaginary tear from his eye to really send the message home.
It was only a few moments later and Mark came bounding out of the cafe, eager to show everyone how lucky it was that he happened to see her. “I mean what are the odds, right?” the said boy exclaimed so happily, his cheer so infectious, Jaehyun couldn’t help himself from letting out a laugh of his own. 
Jaehyun turned to give Mark an encouraging pat on the back and it’s when he notices a pair of eyes on him. He turns fully to come in the direct line of sight of a girl whose eyes, Jaehyun imagined to have been very warm, had they not been burning holes into him. Her intense gaze slightly unnerved him, but not to the point of pulling away. He found himself entranced and the only thing that broke the quick spell was Johnny’s voice, calling him to move it along. 
Jaehyun recalls easily breaking eye contact and giving little thought to the strange girl with fire for eyes, but as the days passed, Jaehyun couldn’t shake the thought of her from his mind. 
Even now in the comfort of his room and with Johnny and Mark not even a foot away, carefully planning Mark’s love endeavors, all Jaehyun’s mind can really focus on is the thought of you. 
Jaehyun is sure he’s only looked at you for less than a minute, but somehow he’s able to clearly trace out the image of you that day, like a perfect snapshot. 
“Yo Jaehyun,” Johnny calls. “You good? You’ve been spacing out, bro.”
“Yeah, I’m good.” Jaehyun answers offhandedly, before contemplating to himself. Was he good? Jaehyun wouldn’t necessarily say he’s bad in any way, but it isn’t normal for him to have the thought of a girl remain so clearly engraved in his mind for so long, and even less common for it to actually be a girl he doesn’t even know nonetheless. It’s not a pressing issue, but it does bother him. He weighs over the next steps in his mind. 
“Alright, just making sure.”
With one last thought, Jaehyun concludes to himself that it’s time to tackle his concern at hand head-on. 
“Actually,” he starts, “Mark, do you remember the girl next to Yeri the day you asked for her number?” 
Mark quirks his head in thought and Jaehyun can see Johnny raise his eyebrows in sudden interest. 
“Uh kinda,” Mark answers. “I think she’s a CWP major. I’m pretty sure we shared an arranging class last semester, but like, I don’t know her personally or anything; it was a large lecture. To be honest, I don’t even think she recognized me at all, judging from her reaction that day. Why, what’s up?”
Jaehyun nods, absorbing the information, giving Johnny ample time to fire away. 
“Yeah Jaehyun,” Jaehyun can visualize the glint in Johnny’s eyes just from hearing his mischievous tone. “What is up? I haven’t seen you ask about a girl in a hot minute. Thought you suddenly went abstinent without telling me or something.”
Jaehyun isn’t quite sure how to reply. Without a doubt you were cute to Jaehyun and he wouldn’t be opposed for things to happen between the two of you, but he doesn’t even know you! Well, not that it’s been a problem for Jaehyun in the past, but your lingering presence bothers him in ways he cannot communicate. Why is that the thought of you won’t leave him and why does it bother him so much?
Jaehyun decides to be straightforward, as straightforward as his muddled brain allows him to be. “She’s cute. I wanna get to know her.” 
“Okay, Jaehyun.” Johnny whoops obnoxiously. “I see you.” 
Mark is surprised and suddenly Johnny is all fired up again. Abruptly, Johnny shoots up and the determination that burns in his eyes is admirable. 
“I’ve got it!” He declares proudly. 
Jaehyun and Mark are quiet, waiting patiently for him to continue. They say nothing, knowing there is not a thing that can reach him when Johnny gets like this. 
“We’re throwing a party and you bet your ass your two girls are gonna be there.”
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4. Heaven by Ailee
walking on Cloud 9. 
“When I hear your voice, it feels like I’m dreaming.”
You look up at the two-story house before you and wonder how you got here. Actually, you don’t wonder at all because you know exactly how you ended up at the steps of the local performing arts fraternity at your college, but you sigh regardless, as if someone had weaseled you into being here. Your nerves gnaw at you and you feel your stomach doing all types of aerobic tricks, the feeling reminiscent of the sensation before the roller coaster drops. 
Yeri grabs your hand and pulls you excitedly to the front door. You can feel the thrum of music emanating from the building.  
You recall how Yeri almost jumped you to tell the good news. 
Finals flew by without any major hitches, ignoring sleepless nights and caffeine crashes. You don’t know how you’ll do, but you’re satisfied with your exam performances. You were in the clear and were just waiting for Yeri to present her joint music theory project before the both of you could finally let loose as a celebration to end the school year. 
You waited for her outside of the classroom building as promised, playing with your phone to past time until you were suddenly engulfed by a delighted pair of arms. Yeri hugged you tight; she was in high spirits, seemingly from acing her presentation and you hugged her back in congratulations. She pulled at you closer and whispered in your ears, “just say yes.” 
You were confused, but looked up to see Mark headed toward the two you. Yeri released you, leaving one arm still slung casually over your shoulder.
“Hey guys. My frat’s throwing a party tonight to celebrate finishing exams. I was wondering if, uh, you guys wanted to come? I mean you don’t have to, it’s totally optional.” 
You didn’t say anything at first and Yeri interjected, “Of course!” She smiled at you innocently despite harshly pinching you to respond, her action hidden from Mark’s sight. “We’d love to, right?”
“Uh,” you answered distractedly. “Y-yeah, sure.” 
“Great.” Mark beamed. “Party starts at eight. I gotta go help set up, so I’ll see ya there!” 
And with that, he left as soon as he arrived and you looked at Yeri questioningly for answers. “I thought we were hitting downtown tonight. What happened to club hopping?” 
Yeri smiled devilishly, “change of plans. I’ll tell you more about it later. The most important thing is finding the perfect outfit for you tonight, cause Jaehyun’s gonna be there.” 
And so, here you find yourself dressed in high-waisted shorts and a cute top that took an embarrassingly long time to decide on. You are greeted by the fraternity president at the door of the house, Taeyong you think his name is, and he gives you two a quick verbal tour of the place, really emphasizing where to get drinks. Yeri thanks him for the both of you and you enter the crowded house. You think at least half of the performing art majors must’ve been here judging by the sheer volume of packed bodies. 
You remember Yeri explaining how she and Mark may have been making a breakthrough and this party was imperative for its success. You were completely okay attending for that reason alone, because after all, what kind of person sends her best friend to a frat party alone? However, your resolve to go was set in stone after she explained that the frat that was throwing the party just happened to be the same frat Jaehyun was a member of. 
“And y’know, seeing as how you’ve been obsessing over him the past few weeks, it’s the perfect opportunity.” 
You frown remembering her words and make your way to the kitchen with Yeri in tow. Various beverages, alcoholic and non-alcoholic, crowd the table and you recognize the guy standing nearby idly chatting with others. It’s Jaemin, an acting major in your history lecture with whom you frequently exchange notes with when either one of you decides to flake for the day. You vaguely recall him mentioning his fraternity association, but didn’t realize it happened to be this one. He sees the two of you approaching the drink table and he smiles widely.
“Oh hey, what’s up?” Jaemin greets casually. “Didn’t expect to see you here. How’d you think you did in the history final?” 
You groan. “I don’t even want to talk about it. What’s important is that we’re finished and I won’t ever have to think about the WWII timeline for, hopefully, forever.”
“Amen,” Jaemin laughs. “I’ll drink to that.” He raises up his red solo cup to cheers, before realizing both you and Yeri had nothing to drink. 
“Oh shit, I’m a pretty bad host, huh? First thing I should've done was get you two something to drink.” He chides himself, but his tone is playful. “What can I get for you, ladies?”
Before you can think about what you want, Yeri cuts you off, her tone matching Jaemin’s. “How about some shots to start off and we’ll forgive the lack of hospitality.”
Jaemin laughs again. “Alright, I like it.” His hands are adept at weaving around the table and finding the paper shot cups and the vodka. “Svedka’s okay, right?” 
“We’re not picky.” You and Yeri agree. You take the shot in one gulp and the unpleasant burning in your throat makes you wince. 
“Can I get you two anything else?” 
“Yeah,” you say. “I think another shot and then a mixed drink. Anything’s fine, but preferably on the stronger side.” You look over at Yeri and she nods in agreement.
“Coming right up.” Jaemin agrees easily. 
He pours the two of you another shot and you think he must be a generous guy because the shot is overflowing. You and Yeri cheer once more while Jaemin gets to work mixing a cherry bourbon with some Coke. He tops off the drinks with some ice before handing it over to the both of you. “Here they are. Enjoy, ladies.”
You thank him and take a sip before excusing yourself to make your way around the party. The drink is sweet and the smoky aftertaste of the bourbon gives it a pleasant edge. You and Yeri are attached to the hip as you drift from one part to another around the party, making easy going small talk along the way. You are sufficiently buzzed by this point and feel much lighter as though the party was somehow two degrees removed from your senses. You look over to check on Yeri and she’s noticeably drunker than you are, giggling about the simplest of things and slurring her words just the slightest bit. You make a mental note to ease the drinking, wanting to be sober enough to look after her in case anything were to arise. 
The two of you are at the base of the stairs when you hear Mark’s voice calling Yeri’s name. You turn your attention upward to see him ambling down the stairs with excited fervor. His cheeks are flushed, more so than usual around Yeri, and you can tell it’s due to alcohol because Mark is holding her hands and you know he can never be so bold without the help of liquid courage. 
“Yo Mark, slow down there.” A voice calls out and you look up again and you feel your breath caught in your throat. 
There in front of your eyes is Jung Jaehyun in the flesh. He looks heavenly dressed in simple jeans and a white tee. You unconsciously swallow the lump in your throat and your heart beat gallops a mile a minute in your chest. Your mouth goes dry and you mindlessly gulp down swigs of your drink. You know Yeri would’ve sniggered at your current state had she not been so tipsy and completely preoccupied with Mark. 
Jaehyun catches up to Mark and when he reaches the base of the stairs, he notices the two of you.
“Oh Jaehyun, lemme introduce you guys.” 
As promised, Mark introduces everyone quickly and Jaehyun shoots a smile that seems to be aimed at you. “Nice to meet everyone.” 
“Cool, now that everyone knows each other,” Mark starts. “Yeri, can I show you something?” 
“Uh, y-yeah.” 
You give Yeri a hard look and she takes your hand to squeeze it in reassurance. She looks at you pleadingly and there’s a confidence in her eyes that you can’t argue with. You relent and let her go. 
Mark takes her by the hand and leads her up the stairs while you watch, slightly worried. 
Jaehyun seems to have sensed your apprehension because the words that leave his mouth snaps you out of your perturbed state. “Don’t worry. Mark’s a good kid, you have nothing to worry about. You have my word on it.” 
And suddenly the situation dawns on you. The boy of your recent all-consuming infatuation stands here before you, and it’s just the two of you alone. Any social skills you have, leave you and you’re unsure of what to do. 
Jaehyun notices the awkward tension in the air and works quickly to dispel it. “Your drink’s looking low. Can I get you something else?” 
You look down to your drink to see that he was right. Only a few sips remain. You didn’t realize you had drank so much at the sight of Jaehyun. 
“Um, some water would be good. I don’t want to be too hungover tomorrow.” You answer shyly. You also need to be sober enough to look after Yeri, but you decide to leave that out.
Jaehyun chuckles, “sure thing. Here, come with me. I’ll get you some water.”
Jaehyun leads you to the kitchen with ease, seamlessly weaving through the crowds of people. Every group of people he passes greets him loudly to be heard of the pounding bass of the music. You are not surprised to see how popular he is. 
Once in the kitchen, he grabs you a bottle of water and a beer for himself from the fridge and you thank him. The cold water is refreshing, but it does little to cool your nerves. The awkward tension is high and still ever present. You feel as though you’re drowning in it and you also feel like running away from here despite this being what you’ve wanted for more than anything for weeks on end. 
“So,” Jaehyun starts, clearing his throat. “Mark told me you’re a CWP major?” 
“Uh, y-yeah, actually.” You hate how you’re so flustered around him. “How’d he know? Did Yeri tell him or something?” 
“He said you guys shared an arranging class last semester.” Jaehyun recalls.
“Wait, really? I had no idea.” You start going off on how you could’ve missed such a thing and Jaehyun smiles. You’re much more comfortable when a rhythm has been established and the words flow out of you easily. You’re not as relaxed as where Jaehyun wants you to be, but he thinks it’s a good start. 
You continue with small talk from there, much less uptight than before and you feel glad. Jaehyun is as radiant in person as he is in your imagination. You find him to be very kind and your heart flutters even more. Jaehyun mentions he’s a musical theatre major and you do your best to act surprised despite it being one of the only things you know about him prior to this moment.
Before he gets a chance to tell you more about himself, a tall boy with long limbs calls out to Jaehyun that it’s his turn to join the next game of beer pong. Jaehyun looks reluctant to leave and you don’t want him to leave either, but you’d hate to hold him back from prior engagements. 
“Would you,” Jaehyun licks his lips in consideration, “like to play with me? I don’t have a partner.” 
You nod your head and readily agree, eager to spend more time with him.
You’ve only played beer pong a handful of times and being around Jaehyun makes you nervous, so you miss the first few shots. You feel embarrassed, but Jaehyun is patient and assures you that it’s no problem at all. His little words of encouragement mixed with the beer you drink helps melt your tension, and halfway through the game, you’re whooping and hollering with everyone watching the game. 
You high-five Jaehyun without a second thought after nailing a perfect shot and Jaehyun smiles even wider. The two of you are leading when Taeyong comes in to kick everyone out. 
“Sorry guys, party’s over.” 
Groans of complaints could be heard throughout the crowd, but Taeyong’s words are firm and he ushers everyone to leave. He has a few other frat members behind him helping out. He reaches the beer pong table and pulls Jaehyun aside. After a few exchanged words, Jaehyun nods in agreement and ends the game completely, apologizing to his opponents. 
You’re confused, so you carefully ask Jaehyun what’s going on. He sees you and his gaze softens, he quietly explains, “apparently, the campus police have received multiple noise complaints and since the fraternity already has a strike, Taeyong doesn’t really want to risk another. “
“Ah, I see.” You nod. You’re saddened by the turn of events, having finally eased into a relative comfort around Jaehyun and you yearn for more. “Well, I better go look for Yeri then.” 
This is a goodbye and you’re unsure of what else to say to him, your disappointment mixes with alcohol making you feel even more miserable. You want to ask for more, but can’t find the words to reach him. Luckily, Jaehyun does it for you. 
“Are you free sometime this week?” He asks. “I feel like we didn’t get a chance to really talk and I’d like to.” 
Your heart hammers and the blood rushes in your ears, but you still find yourself uttering a mousy agreement.
“Great,” his smile is dazzling and you feel dizzy. “It’s a date then.”
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5. 24 Hours by Sunmi
rushed minutes. 
“Time goes by so quickly.”
“Hey,” a distant voice calls out and Jaehyun looks up from his phone to see your approaching figure. Your cheeks are rosy from the summer sun and stray pieces of your hair escape from your loosely styled updo. Jaehyun takes all of you in with careful appreciation.
“Hey yourself.” Jaehyun chuckles, slipping his phone casually in his pocket and standing up straighter to greet you properly.
Jaehyun sees the red of your face flush brighter, the soft color bleeding across your cheeks and onto your nose. Cute, he thinks. He watches as you tighten your grip on your clutch, knuckles white with nervous tension, in an attempt to gather your composure and calm your nerves. You clear your throat, “I didn’t know you’d be here so soon. You should’ve texted me.” 
“It’s all good, I finished early.” Jaehyun notices you no longer stutter around him like the first night you two met. He’s glad the days and nights of sober texting after exchanging numbers at the party did wonders to make you feel comfortable around him. He’s not too worried about your current ‘first-date’ anxiety, knowing it’ll be dispelled soon enough. “Shall we?” He moves to open the door and the cool rush of air from the cafe greets the two of you. 
The cafe is quaint and cozy, tucked away in a small corner of intersecting back streets and crowded buildings. Jaehyun discovered the little spot not too long ago and something, Jaehyun assumes his instincts, compelled him to take you to it for the first official date. It just felt right.
The two of you walk to the order counter and you take it all in. You can hear the quiet chatter of the cafe occupants mixed with the rattle of espresso machines being put to work. Your eyes scan over the decorations and several potted succulents hanging from the ceiling. It’s incredibly homey and you feel at ease. 
“Hiya, I can help the two of you whenever you guys are ready.” The barista is cheerful to a fault and Jaehyun watches you shoot her a grateful smile before your eyes move to the menu to decide on what to get. 
Jaehyun knows what he wants, so he waits patiently for you to decide, but seeing your eyebrows scrunch together in indecision, Jaehyun chuckles to himself. “I hear the iced lattes here are really good, particularly the caramel latte,” he offers. 
You perk up in surprise, but you recover quickly, “okay, that sounds good then. I was between that and the iced cocoa.”
“No problem, I’ll order then. Today’s on me.” Jaehyun says. 
Jaehyun walks up to the barista and quickly places the order. He reaches for his wallet after the barista recites the order, but he falters slightly when he sees your gaze glued to the cake display, particularly the crepe cake. 
“Can I get a slice of the chocolate crepe cake over there too?” 
“Of course! Here’s your new total,” she turns the touch screen display over to Jaehyun and he readily inserts his card to pay. When finished, Jaehyun turns back the screen and after a few taps from the barista, a receipt is printed and she hands him a buzzer. 
“Your order will be out shortly.” She informs him.
Jaehyun smiles and says a small ‘thank you’ in return before turning his attention to you. You look up to meet his eyes and you smile, “can we sit over there by the window?” 
You head to the little corner table first with Jaehyun steadily in tow. You sit at the chair that leaves your back to the window and Jaehyun is mesmerized by how the afternoon sunlight refracts through your silhouette. You’re glowing and Jaehyun swallows thickly. 
“So,” he starts. “What have you been up to?”
“Celebrating finishing my first year of college in one piece.” You laugh lightly. “I got by with passable grades, but other than that Yeri and I just finished moving into our new dorms. We’re no longer freshmen, so first year dorms are off limits. I’m gonna miss the convenient location.” You jokingly mope. 
Jaehyun laughs easily with you and before he gets a chance to reply, the buzzer goes off so he excuses himself to go pick up the order. 
A different barista places down a tray with your two drinks and a small slice of cheesecake with two dessert forks resting on some napkins. “Enjoy your order!” 
Jaehyun smiles in thanks and picks up the tray to bring it back to the table. He can’t wait to see the look on your face when you see the mille crepe cake and true to his expectations, your eyes light up at the sight of dessert. 
“Surprise.” He says. “I saw you looking at it earlier.” 
Jaehyun watches as you immediately grab a small fork and try a piece of the cake with unrestricted child-like excitement. Your eyes light up at the taste of the delicate layers of fresh whipped cream and thin crepes and the smile you shoot in his direction has Jaehyun’s heart beating a little faster than he’s willing to admit. 
“Thank you!” You look up at him. “It’s so good, you should definitely try a bite too.” 
“Yeah? I’ll try some then.” Jaehyun sits down and leans even closer to you over the table, his mouth open and expectant and his eyes staring straight into yours. 
You try your best to bite back the scarlet fighting to stain your cheeks as you cinch off a small section of the cake with your fork. Your hand falters just the slightest bit when delivering the small confection to his awaiting mouth, but you push through and feed him despite the embarrassment you feel. 
Jaehyun chews slowly and deliberately, taking his time to lick the stray whipped cream from the corner of his mouth. You lose the game of chicken, breaking eye contact first. 
“Yeah,” he agrees. “It’s good. We should definitely come back.” 
You let out a little awkward cough, desperate to ward off your cloud of emotions. “Uhm, yeah sure.”
Jaehyun has always thought you were cute, but he thinks you’re especially cute today. 
“Anyway,” you start. You want to change the topic because you don’t think you can survive this tension without your brain frying. “I feel like I’ve just seen you around recently. I should’ve run into you a long time ago since the performing arts college is so small.” 
“Oh,” Jaehyun is a little taken aback. “I used to be over at the East Campus. I was a business and administration major for two years before I switched over to musical theatre.”
“Wait really?” Your surprise erases any tension you felt earlier. “I had no idea.”
“Yeah,” he laughs. “It doesn’t really come up in conversation.” 
“Why’d you switch over? If you don’t mind me asking.” 
Jaehyun contemplates his reply for a second as takes a sip of his coffee. “Well, when I entered college, I didn’t really know what I wanted, so I just followed whatever my parents wanted me to do. I actually knew I liked musical theatre for the longest time, but it took time for me to build up the courage to switch. My parents weren’t happy with it at first and we fought for the longest time, but I think they’ve warmed up to it enough by now. I’ve never really talked about this though, I just tell people I transferred from a different college and the conversation just ends there I guess, but it’s really no big deal.”
“Thank you for telling me this, Jaehyun.” Your voice is sincere and Jaehyun believes you.
“What about you, hm?” Jaehyun returns. “Why CWP?” 
“I don’t really have one point that changed my life and helped me find my calling or whatever,” you ponder with a tilt of the head and the taste of cream dissolving in your mouth. “But ever since I was little, I always knew I was gonna end up doing something in music. I was never good at singing though, so vocal performance was out the door and I wasn’t that interested in classical instruments either, so that helped me narrow stuff down. Actually, what really helped me decide was during orientation, my group leader was a contemporary writing and production major and she told me all about it and I’ve been sold ever since. I really like it though, and have no intention of switching.”
“That’s good. Sometimes I wish I switched earlier.” Jaehyun muses. “I feel so behind sometimes. Most people in my class have already been in at least one musical and an internship, except for me. I think about it a lot, but I try not to let it get me so down.” 
“You shouldn’t feel that way!” You try your best to cheer him up, and Jaehyun appreciates it a lot more than he thought he would. “Everyone has their own pace, that’s what college is all about! Nothing is ever wasted time. You can think of your time as a business admin major as a way to help you make up your mind on your true passion. You told me you’ve always liked musical theatre, but I’ve bet without the time in business, you would’ve never known you liked it enough to pursue a career out of it.”
Jaehyun laughs at your earnesty. He thinks you’re a touch naive, but your words make him feel light. “You’re right. I can say for sure I wasn’t happy as a business major.”
“See? Nothing is ever wasted time if you can discover your true happiness out of it.” 
The two of you exchange easy chatter after that and between small bites of cake and sips of coffee, Jaehyun thinks you’ve become prettier and prettier.
“What was it like?” You ask absentmindedly.
“Hm? What was ‘what’ like?”
“Being a business and administration major.”
Jaehyun has to think about it. He recalls constantly dressing up for group presentations and boring lectures, but his mind wanders to his activities outside the classroom. He remembers the constant partying and the blur of faces that helped him keep his bed warm. He remembers brief flings and relationships cut short. He doesn’t want to think about those things when he’s next to you. “Uhm. It was okay, nothing special, but that reminds me–”
“Yeah?”
“Are you free next weekend?”
“I should be. Why, what’s up?”
“Great,” Jaehyun smiles while taking the last sip of his coffee. “I’m having a housewarming party at my new apartment. You should definitely be there.” 
--
The day of the long awaited housewarming party rolls up sooner than expected between settling into your new dorm with Yeri and the occasional small ‘get-togethers’ with Jaehyun. They’re actually dates if you're being honest, but you don’t want to put a title on anything in case he wasn’t on the same page as you. Being with Jaehyun made you giddy in more ways than one, but that means the anxiety that pools at the base of your stomach grows larger each day when the relationship between the two of you goes unnamed. You feel greedy when you desperately grasp at the shred of time you share with him, always unwillingly to let go.
“Are you ready?” Yeri’s voice breaks you out of your small reverie. Her hand is poised, ready to knock on the black door of Jaehyun’s apartment, waiting for you to gather your composure. Yeri is dressed to the nines in a cute skirt with a top to match. She wants to look good for her new boyfriend and you teased her endlessly for it when the two of you were getting ready.
“Mark’s one lucky guy.”
“Shut up. Worry about yourself.”
“All I do is love you, yet you’re so mean to me.”
Regardless of her harsh words toward you, she helped you toss your closet inside and out for the perfect outfit to woo Jaehyun, even if it meant showing up late to the party. 
The two of you leave your dorm twenty minutes later than you intended and it also didn’t help that Jaehyun’s apartment was difficult to find, tucked away in a small building between towering skyscrapers, but now is finally the moment of truth. 
“Yeah, I’m ready as I’ll ever be,” you mutter as you watch Yeri knock on the door. 
It takes a minute before the door creaks open and Jaehyun’s head pops out. His smile is radiant and you’re absolutely ensnared by the way his fringe falls over his forehead. 
“Hey, glad you two could make it.” Jaehyun opens the door wider to allow you and Yeri to enter. He greets Yeri with polite warmth while he wraps an arm over your shoulders. When Yeri heads in the apartment first with her back against the two of you, Jaehyun steals a quick peck to your temple and whispers, “you look pretty tonight.”
His touch is fleeting and he pulls back quickly, as if you imagined the whole thing, but his cheeky smile tells you that it really did happen. Your heart hammers and you force yourself to focus on the steady thrum of mellow R&B that reverberates throughout his apartment to calm yourself. You take his apartment in steady strides with your full attention. It’s sleek and modern with a few pops of his personality here and there in the form of trinkets decoration choices. 
“Hey!” Johnny calls over from the couch. He has a beer in hand, but he’s far from tipsy. Flanked on one side is Doyoung with another beer to match and on the other is Sicheng. Seulgi, the girl, who you assume is Sicheng’s significant other, by the way his arm is casually wrapped around her waist, is also there and she nods at you in greeting. You've come to know about all of them after hanging out with Jaehyun so much. “Did you guys get lost or something?” 
“Yeah,” Yeri replies as she moves to sit next to Mark who’s on the adjacent loveseat and resting a drink on the coffee table.  “Something like that.”  
She places a sweet kiss to the corner of Mark’s mouth in greeting and you swear you can hear him crooning at the attention. 
“Doesn’t matter, Johnny. The important thing is that they’re here now.” Jaehyun interjects. “Do you guys want anything to drink?”
“That’d be nice.” You hum.
Yeri laughs in agreement, “yeah, the two of us could never say no to a drink.”
“Alright, I’m on it.” Jaehyun calls while moving to the kitchen. “Any preferences?”
“No,” you say. “Surprise us.”
Jaehyun works to mix drinks and you take a seat on the floor next to the coffee table to observe the party. Perched on the shelf of a slender bookcase in the corner of his living room is a bluetooth speaker playing music, the rhythm quiet and bass steady as everyone chatters away once introductions are made on the sofas. You remember him offhandedly mentioning that he doesn’t want any noise complaints on his first week in the new place and it makes sense. Jaehyun’s housewarming party is a quiet affair that is far different from the wild party at the frat house in which you met him, but you think this vibe fits Jaehyun more.
Jaehyun returns shortly with two drinks in tow for you and Yeri and sits himself snugly next to you on the floor. He picks his idle beer from the coffee table and once Johnny realizes that everyone in the proximity has a drink in hand, he raises his voice and beer in a toast. “It sucks that Taeyong couldn’t make it tonight, but here’s to having fun without him. We’re gonna get twice as fucked up to make up for his absence, cheers!”
Everyone lets out a chuckle, but obliges to humor him anyway and joins to connect their drink to his in cheers. 
You pull your cup back and take a big gulp of the drink. It’s sweet and carbonated, but the sting of alcohol at your throat leaves you wincing just the slightest bit.
A few pleasantries are exchanged here and there, but it’s only then does Doyoung pull out a deck of cards with a devilish glint in his eyes that deceive his looks. 
“Ring of fire, anyone?”
--
After who knows how many rounds of ring of fire (and maybe a few other drinking games here and there) with too many drink refills for you to remember, you somehow find yourself splayed on the couch and leaning over Yeri’s shoulder in support. Seulgi is on the other side of you leaning on you for support, the same way you’re doing to Yeri, but you don’t mind it one bit. The three of you have grown surprisingly close with one another throughout the night.
Your mind is lucid enough to still be conscious and completely aware of where you are and what you’re doing, but the alcohol in your system eats away at the details in your memory. 
You vaguely recall ridiculous punishments that involved Johnny twerking on the dining room table and Mark taking a shot of Jack Daniels mixed with ketchup, and you can’t help but snicker to yourself. 
“I think we should get going now.” Sicheng is the first to speak as he moves to help Seulgi up. “It’s getting late.”
Doyoung looks a little groggy, but when he checks the time, he perks up immediately, “oh shit, you’re right. I need to get going too, I’ve got something in the morning.”
With that everyone shuffles to clean the remnants of the party with as much grace as they can muster while intoxicated, which wasn’t much, but in twenty minutes, Jaehyun is already walking half the party to the door in goodbye. Only you, Mark, and Yeri are left. 
“Hey Yeri,” Mark calls softly to Yeri as he brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Are you ready to go too?”
Yeri is still sprawled on the couch with you, but mumbles a small response. “Yeah, I should be. Give me a second.”
She turns over to you and nudges you just the slightest bit. “I’m gonna go back to Mark’s tonight, are you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah,” you assure her. “I’ll be fine, just go have fun.”
“She’s free to rest here until she’s ready to leave, don’t worry. I’ll call a cab for her when the time comes.” Jaehyun pipes up. 
Yeri gives you a look, but you squeeze her hand one last time to give her some peace of mind. “I’m a big girl, Yeri. I’ll be okay, promise. I’ll walk you to the door, Mark’s waiting.”
You give Yeri a tight hug in goodbye and you find your way back to the couch. The fact that you’re all alone in Jaehyun’s apartment doesn’t hit because of the remnants of alcohol in your system melts away your nerves. 
You’re pleasantly buzzed, lost in your own thoughts when Jaehyun comes up to you with a glass of water in hand. “Here, so you don’t feel as bad tomorrow morning.”
You accept it gratefully and take in big gulps, the water refreshing, but your skin feels hot. 
Jaehyun takes a seat next to you and the proximity makes your head spin. You turn to look at him, and he flashes you a smile.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?”
“You might’ve mentioned something.” You tease. “But I don’t mind hearing it again.”
“Well,” he hums. You’re not sure, but you think the distance between the two of you is decreasing. “You really do look stunning tonight.”
You flush at his words, but you look straight into his eyes. “You don’t look too bad yourself.”
“Yeah? I try to impress.” Jaehyun’s eyes are hooded and your throat goes dry. “Can I kiss you?”
You say nothing at first, his words not registering into your muddled brain, but when you feel his breath ghost over your lips, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you. 
His lips are slightly chapped and you can taste the vodka on his breath, but to you it’s perfect. Jaehyun’s perfect.
Jaehyun kisses you with reserved passion and practiced expertise. His tongue sets the rhythm against yours and his roaming hands have you feeling as if you’ve been set ablaze. He pulls back just the tiniest bit and the intense longing for his touch that hits you is indescribable. 
You pull him back in your arms and your lips reconnect in a desperate fervor. Jaehyun adjusts his arms around you and the next you know, you’re in his embrace and he’s carrying you to his bedroom. He places you down gently, his bed is plush and comforter soft. 
Jaehyun’s touch is gentle as he gathers your face in his hands. He kisses you again and you wrap your arm around his neck to pull him closer. He pulls back and looks at you earnestly. “I don’t want to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”
Everything’s moving so fast and you’re dizzy, but you don’t want whatever this is to stop. You want to be as close to Jaehyun as possible.
“No,” your voice is hoarse. “Don’t stop. I want you, Jaehyun.”
He kisses you again, this time unrestrained. His tongue is hot, but you can only savor it for a minute before he starts trailing kisses down your neck and tugging at your shirt. You let out a breathy moan in response to how his touches make you feel. 
Jaehyun reaches at your shorts and makes quick work at unbuttoning them. You help him remove the article of clothing and his slender fingers dart inside your panties. You’re slick to the touch and Jaehyun must be made of magic because you think you’re seeing stars. You unravel before him embarrassingly quick, but he kisses you at the base of your clavicle in sweet reassurance. 
Your chest is heaving, but you want more. You grab at Jaehyun’s shirt, urging him to take it off. The expanse of his abdomen is a sight to behold, but Jaehyun is cruel and doesn’t give you the time to take it in. He’s on top of you again, lips crashing onto yours once more. He reaches behind you to unclasp your bra and while he’s pre-occupied, you unbuckle his belt and steal a moment in his boxers. He feels thick and hot in your hands as you run your finger over the tip to feel a drop of pre-cum. He buckles just the slightest bit and it emboldens you. 
Jaehyun helps himself out of his jeans and you push him onto the bed wanting to be on top this time. He’s straining against his boxers and you want to help relieve the tension. When you pull off his boxers you can feel his inaudible groan. You stroke his length gingerly and look up to see him with hooded eyes look right back at you. 
This excites you so you take him in your mouth in a moment of unfiltered courage. Your tongue starts at the base before tracing your way up to his sensitive head. You tease him accordingly to his quiet grunts and groans and when you feel like he’s had enough, you take all of him in until his tip is hitting the back of your throat. You gag a bit, but push through.
“Fuck,” Jaehyun stutters out between stacatoed breaths. “Babe, you’re so good.”
You hum in pleasure at his praise and he grabs your hair. This goes on for a few more minutes before he reaches down to stop you. “Not that I don’t love this,” the look in your eyes nearly has him faltering his words, “but I don’t want to cum just yet.”
You relent with a slick pop and Jaehyun shifts over to rummage for a condom in his nightstand. You settle back down in his pillows. Jaehyun gives you a soft kiss on the lips before he enters you. 
“Tell me when it’s okay to move,” he whispers and you place a small kiss at the base of his neck. 
He starts off slow to let you acclimate to his size, but neither of you are very patient, so he ends up pounding into you a lot sooner than he anticipated and you find yourself getting caught up in the pleasure.
It feels like you’re dreaming, but if this was a dream, you never want to wake up.
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6. Hush by Miss A
shh, no talking, just us.
“I can’t think straight.”
You and Jaehyun don’t become official until a few weeks later. 
He asks you one day when you’re naked and out of breath. You’ve gone one too many rounds with him and a thin layer of sweat coats your body as you lay on his heaving chest. You absentmindedly draw shapes on his skin and he gives you a chaste kiss to your temple.
“We should date.” He hums. “I think I’d make a good boyfriend.”
“Yeah?” You raise your eyebrow in teasing.
“Yeah,” he ascertains. “Give me a chance and I’ll show you.”  
“Hmm,” you pretend to think it over as if this wasn’t you’ve been hoping for since the first moment you laid eyes on him. “Okay. Let’s give it a try, boyfriend.”
Jaehyun laughs and you feel the world fall into its right place. “Alright, girlfriend.”
And the rest is history as they say. 
Jaehyun isn’t your first, but you experience many firsts with him. You’re not exactly inexperienced, but he really opens your eyes.
“Fuck,” he groans into your neck. His hands grip at your hips to help guide you along, but you’re fully in charge. “You’re doing so good, babe. Just like that.” 
You didn’t see yourself as someone who liked to take charge during sex, but after that one time Jaehyun asked you to top, you’ve never looked back since. 
You roll hips into him and at a pace you know drives Jaehyun wild and you pull him into a sloppy kiss. It’s all tongue and no grace, but you love it the same regardless. You capture his bottom lips between your teeth playfully before pushing him flat on his back until he’s firm against his plush mattress. You place a hand on his chest and the other on his thigh to balance yourself and Jaehyun immediately knows you’re close. 
A hand rests on your hip to steady you while the other snakes over to play with your clit to further stimulate you toward your climax. Jaehyun knows what you like and his timing is impeccable, so before you know it, both of you are reaching your highs together. You collapse on his chest and you allow yourself to stay in his warmth long enough to have your breaths synchronize before you extricate yourself from him to head to his bathroom. 
When you come back out, he’s disposed of the used condom and opens your arm wide for a hug, which you gladly indulge in.
Time stops when you’re in his arms.
--
On the surface, it looks like Jaehyun likes to mix it up. He seems like  an elusive guy with varied tastes, but the more time you spend with him, you realize he likes the control of seeing you unravel before him.
He likes the intimacy of missionary. 
The close proximity to your body has him looking into your eyes and leaving you feeling the most vulnerable of ways. He has full access to your neck, which he lovingly claims as his own and you chide him the next day when you see scattered purple blooms. Jaehyun changes his pace on a whim and you fall to his mercy. When he takes you fast and hard, you see stars, but when thrusts in you with languid leisure, he has you begging for more. 
He likes the intensity of taking from behind. 
When you’re on your knees with your ass in the air, he takes it as a guarantee to fuck you senseless. Your muffled moans makes his dick twitch and you swear you can feel him fuck into you even faster. Jaehyun always makes sure to wrap his arms around you to finger your clit until you go into sensory overload and he doesn’t stop pounding into you until there are tears in your eyes. He kisses each one away before taking your lips in his and you can taste the salt water on his tongue.
He likes the dominance from eating you out.
He laps at your core like a starved man and makes good use of his adept fingers until your head is spinning. Jaehyun makes it a habit to eat you out until you’re satisfied before he gets his turn. When your thighs are on either side of his head and your hands tangled in his hair, he swears he can stay there forever.
Above all, Jaehyun just likes you. He likes being with you and he definitely likes fucking you and you wouldn’t have it any other way.
--
“Mmmh,” you breathe out.
Your back is flush against Jaehyun’s back as you rock your hips back and forth on his dick. You grind your ass back even harder when he pinches your nipple between his fingers. 
He kisses your shoulder blade from behind and bucks his hip upward to meet you in the middle. 
The afternoon sunlight is streaming in from the gaps of his blinds and you want to take it nice and slow today. The television in front of you is playing a movie, but you’re too enraptured by the feeling of him filling you to the brim to pay it any mind. 
“I love it when you’re on top, babe.” he hums as he plays with your clit. 
You let out another breathy groan before you can find the composure to bite back at him. “What happened to no sex today, hmm? I thought we were just going to have innocent quality time together and watch a movie.”
Jaehyun must’ve not liked your sass, so he bucks up harder. He’s telling you to pick up the pace and you oblige. Before you know, you’re practically bouncing on his dick and you can feel your impending high about to crash down on you. He can sense it too and maintains his tempo. When you cum, Jaehyun rides on the tail of your climax in pursuit of his own. He cums shortly after with stuttering hips and a bite on your shoulder. He gathers you in his arms and runs his tongue soothingly over where he bit you and the various love bites that he’s littered on the expanse of your skin. 
“Just being with you is quality time in itself.” He says. “Besides, class is starting soon, so I won’t get to see you as much.”
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7. Disturbance by BoA
a ripple on the surface.
“I didn’t know at first.”
“So I do have a roommate after all,” Yeri’s voice calls out and you turn over to see her standing by the doorway. You roll your eyes at her, but quickly turn back to gather your things. 
She lets out a chuckle, but you don’t miss the sour edge to her tone. “I thought I got a single dorm since it’s so empty all the time.”
“You say that, Yeri,” you retort. “But I know you’re over at Mark’s constantly so I don’t wanna hear it from you.”
“Yeah, but I make time to come back here and I always let you know when I’m going out. I feel like I’ve only seen you maybe once or twice the past few months. I feel like the only reason I see you these days is ‘cause of classes.”
“You’re just exaggerating, don’t be so dramatic. Come on, let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”
She looks displeased, but nothing leaves her lips as the two of you head out for the day.
--
It’s late. 
When night falls, shadows come out to play and your college campus is riddled with them. The school auditorium is situated in the far corner of the campus and the lamp lights of the main walkways do little, but you pay it little mind. Jaehyun should be getting out soon.
It takes another ten minutes to see him emerge from the double doors and you perk up immediately at the sight of him. He looks a little shocked to see you, but greets you with a warm hug and small peck regardless. 
“Hey,” his voice is small, almost reserved. “What are you doing here? I thought I told you I was finishing late tonight.”
“Oh, you did, but I still wanted to see you.” You explain, eyes bright and tone undeterred.
“Not that I don’t appreciate it,” he licks his lip. “But it’s really late and I still have more stuff I need to work on. I’ll see you some other time, okay?”
“Oh, okay.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, babe. Next time.”
--
“Oh hey,” you smile, but Yeri’s fury is palpable and cuts through you.
“Don’t ‘oh hey’ me.” She spits out. “Where have you been? Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
Sheepish, you reply, “oh sorry. I forgot to fully charge it before leaving and Jaehyun and I have different phones, so I couldn’t charge it at his place.”
“You were at Jaehyun’s?” Yeri is glaring at you at this point and you feel a bit peeved. 
“Yeah. What of it?” 
Yeri’s been getting angry at you recently, losing her temper at the drop of a hat, and you can’t seem to pinpoint why. You’re getting tired of being her punching bag. 
“We made plans to go shop for Seulgi’s gift today. You promised you’d be there, don’t you remember?”
“Oh shit.” It completely slips from your mind and you open your mouth to apologize, but Yeri cuts you off before you get the chance.
“Forget it. I don’t want to hear it. It doesn’t matter anymore.”
Yeri turns to leave before you can say anything back.
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8. Symptoms by SHINee
something’s wrong.
“The worse it gets, the more exhausted I get.”
Jaehyun feels off.
He can’t pinpoint exactly what he is that he’s feeling, but he thinks it’s reminiscent of his world being tilted by six degrees. It’s not immediately jarring and takes little time for his eyes to register, but he’ll occasionally bump his toe, signalling that this isn’t right. Things aren’t where they’re supposed to be. His head spins just the slightest bit and he feels woozy, but he doesn’t know why.
Jaehyun just feels off.
--
Jaehyun checks the bulletin board of his school auditorium almost religiously. 
Each time before and after class, he’ll swing by and peruse the flyers that hang from haphazardly stuck on pins. He ignores the tutoring offers and the part time jobs scams, his main focus is almost always on the center of the board where they post the upcoming musical theatre production and eventually, the cast list. 
This semester, the chosen production is La La Land and Jaehyun has been dead set on landing the role of Sebastian Wilder. He stays back extra late each day to practice the script and to work on his singing and annunciation. 
On the day of the audition, he’s sure he’s nailed it and thinks to himself the world must be ending if he weren’t to get the leading role. 
When he leaves the auditorium in a rush, excitement flows through his veins and he drinks in the night air as a toast of victory. He’s tipsy on his excitement and wants to laugh out loud, but in the corner of his vision, he sees you. Your eyes light up the sight up, outshining the moon and the stars, but your visage does not elicit the reaction he thinks it should. He expects his heart to swell and burst, but somehow he feels heavy. 
He pulls you in for a hug and a quick kiss to quell his weighted heart, but he thinks he’s starting to sink so he calls you off for the night. He’ll see you next time. 
Yeah, next time will be better.
--
You’re snuggled up close and personal on Jaehyun’s chest. Jaehyun notices you fill every nook and cranny of his being perfectly to a tee, and yet that feeling. It’s there again. 
Jaehyun feels off. 
You laugh at something one of the characters say and you cuddle harder into him. He feels heavy again and it makes his throat itch, so he swoops down and captures your lips.
It’s hard and fast to scrub away at his uneasiness and before he knows it, his clothes are missing, but so are yours. The foreplay is brief and almost impersonal, but he doesn’t care. He just needs to be inside you. 
When Jaehyun has you begging and writhing, he feels like the world is where it should be. No longer is he living at a slight angle when he’s buried to the hilt inside your warmth, so when he sees you, he does what he can to get you out of your pants. 
Today is no different from any other. 
After a satisfying session you roll on his chest. Your kiss is soft and sweet despite the sweat that covers both of your bodies. He hums quietly as he taps melodies on along your exposed spine.
“Jaehyun?”
“Yeah?”
“I think I love you.”
Ah. Jaehyun thinks he’s getting it now, why he’s feeling off.
Jaehyun thinks he’s being suffocated.
--
To the surprise of no one, and especially not to him, Jaehyun gets the leading role of Sebastian Wilder in La La Land. He was a shoe-in for it anyway and he made sure to put in the work to get it. 
His leading lady is someone by the name of Park Sooyoung, but at the first rehearsal she introduces herself as Joy.
“It’s nice to meet you.” She offers her hand out in a friendly greeting. “Here’s to a successful show together, Jaehyun.”
Her smile is blinding and he thinks Joy is a fitting name. He grasps her outstretched hand, grip firm and sure. 
“Yeah,” he smiles back. “Here’s to a good show together.”
--
Rehearsals span over blurred minutes and long hours. 
Jaehyun sees less and less of you and spends more and more time with her. 
During a quick water break, he scans his phone briefly to see a text notification from you. He takes another swig of water and returns to the rehearsal.
It’s okay, he can always text you back later.
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9. Before U Go - TVXQ!
letting go.
“I will leave now.”
“Come on!” You tug both Mark and Yeri along excitedly. “I want to get good seats.”
Yeri rolls her eyes, but obliges anyway, pulling Mark along. It’s opening night for Jaehyun’s big musical and you wanted to be there no matter what to support him. Johnny, Doyoung, Taeyong, Sicheng, and Seulgi are already inside waiting and you’re not sure if they were able to save the three of you a spot. 
After a long chat with Yeri, you apologized profusely to her. You did get blinded by your relationship with him and prioritized him over everything, forgetting your friends and other responsibilities in the process. Yeri forgave you easily and helped keep you in line when you went to head over heels for Jaehyun. 
However, after patching things up with Yeri, you begin to notice a shift in your relationship with Jaehyun’s. You’re not quite sure how to describe it, but it almost feels like a distance almost. 
You chalk it up to his busy rehearsal schedule and choose not to dwell on the topic, in fears of your wandering imagination. It should be fine. After his musical is over, he’ll be less busy and things will fall back into place. 
Right?
“Over here!” Seulgi waves over excitedly. 
The auditorium is starting to fill up and you want to get comfortable before the show starts. 
Everyone greets each other in hushed tones and soon enough, the show starts. 
Right. Everything will be fine.
--
Jaehyun does amazing. 
Your eyes are trained on him the whole time and his singing has goosebumps pricking your skin. You can see the passion pour through him every time he’s on stage and you couldn’t be more proud. 
A nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach points out the undeniable chemistry between him and his co-star, but you push it deep down and suppress it. 
They’re actors, and they’re good at what they do. 
Yeah. They’re just acting. Yeah. Acting.
--
When the curtains close, you’re the first to shoot out of your seat, eager to meet him backstage. You weave through the endless crowd of people, murmuring your ‘sorry’s’ and ‘excuse me’s’ as you pass by. You reach the base of the backstage and shoot a message to let him know you’re waiting. You hum to yourself when you happen to overhear a conversation playing out. 
“You did so good, Jae.” 
“No, you definitely carried the show.” 
You turn up and you see them. Her eyes are almost soft and loving as she pulls your boyfriend in for a hug. They linger in the embrace longer than necessary and you clear your throat to catch his attention. 
He jolts just the slightest bit when he sees you and immediately lets her go. 
“Everyone’s waiting,” you say quietly. 
“Okay,” he nods. “Let me go get my stuff in the back.”
Jaehyun leaves the two of you alone and you wait for him to get back. 
When you leave, he waves goodbye to her and she smiles back.
--
Jaehyun’s celebration party is rowdy, but it’s to be expected when Johnny is the one hosting. 
He books a table at the local club and even orders bottle service. The eight of you work your way through two whole bottles of tequila and are already on your third. Jaehyun is downing the shots at a quicker pace than usual and you’re a bit concerned, but you’re unable to say anything because when you try, he whisks himself away to the dance floor and strikes up a conversation with someone else. 
You’re perturbed, but you say nothing. This is his celebration night and he can choose to enjoy it how he wishes. 
By the end of the night, Jaehyun is noticeably drunk and you haul him outside to get a breath of fresh air in hopes of sobering up. He’s heavy, but you make it out the side door. You prop him up on your side as you lean on the grimy brick walls. 
Months have passed and the weather is chilly. 
Jaehyun’s body sways and he murmurs something in your ear. You don’t catch it the first time, the overwhelming smell of tequila overtaking your senses. 
“What was that?”
He grumbles beneath his breath, steps staggering once more. He tries again, this time his words are crisp and clear and they cut into you in more ways than one. 
“I think we should end it.”
For someone so drunk, he sounds so sober.
You’re at a loss for words. A part of you knew this was coming from his lack of enthusiasm around you and his decreased texts. Even the cold night air couldn’t keep your heartbreak at bay. You say nothing, but you understand the both of you knew it was a silent agreement.
You breathe out wisps of chilled air as Jaehyun’s inebriated body stays slumped over on your side. 
--
You volunteer to take Jaehyun home.
You tuck him gently in bed making sure to prop him on his side in case he vomits during the night. You pour a glass of water and place an ibuprofen on his nightstand drawer for him in the morning. 
You kiss him on the forehead one last time. You hope it conveys all of the things brewing in your heart at the moment, but you know it doesn’t. 
Later, you leave his apartment with all of your belongings that you ever left there with the stars as your witness. 
You never return to his place again.
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10. Coffee Shop by B.A.P
what could’ve been.
“So without knowing, like a habit, I came here.”
Jaehyun wakes up to an empty bed.
Morning sunlight streams through his blinds and burns at his skin as a sign to get ready for the day. He blinks the drowsiness from his system and stretches his weary joints before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day. 
On his rare day offs, he allows his body to go on auto-pilot. He completely shuts his brain off and allows it to do whatever it chooses.
Today, it takes him back to the cafe. 
His body knows where it’s going before it registers in his mind. 
The barista manning the order counter is different, but the decorations are the same, still the same succulents hanging from the ceilings. He mulls over the menu and goes up to order.
“Can I get an iced caramel latte?” Jaehyun doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, but he’s feeling nostalgic today. 
“Of course! Here’s your total.” 
He pays with a swipe of his card and the barista goes to work making his drink. He waits around by the counter and soon enough, his drink is ready. That particular table is empty, so he grabs a chair to sit. His first sip is overly saccharine, but he appreciates how the flavor mellows out by the end of it. 
It’s been nearly a year since that night. 
Jaehyun remembers waking up to a splitting headache and a dry mouth. He thought nothing of the prepared setup as he gulps the ibuprofen and the glass of water in one go. Nothing seemed amiss really until a few days later. 
No one mentioned your name around him and he caught Seulgi giving him a look every now and then. Mark didn’t say much either, but Jaehyun felt him drifting away.
He thought he’d feel a lot more, but he didn’t. One day you were a part of his life and then the next day you weren’t. It really was that simple.
He kept in contact with Joy even after La La Land was over and maybe they were something more, but it didn’t last longer than a few weeks. 
It didn’t feel right when he was with her. Again, something felt off, but a different kind of off.
Joy was the one to end things with him, but he didn’t mind too much. 
He filled his days with study and practice and it wasn’t until he landed a job at his local theatre company that he realized.
It was you. It was always you and perhaps it still is you. 
Maybe you were different. Maybe you were the one, but Jaehyun didn’t try.
He recalls feeling smothered. You were always there at the beginning, but he took that for granted. 
There are a lot of things he regrets, but above all, he regrets not talking with you. He regrets not trying to work on it. He regrets being a coward and running away at the first signs of true emotions. 
You weren’t perfect, but neither was he, but he should’ve stayed so the both of you could work it out together. Jaehyun always did take too long to find the courage to pursue what he wanted.
With a final sip, he finishes the drink and moves to throw it away. Then, he sees you. Here, in the flesh, in almost a year. 
Your hair is longer, but your cheeks are still as rosy as ever. You walk up to order and Jaehyun thinks it’s a sign. He moves to greet you, but the doors open again and in walk Yeri and Seulgi. He watches you greet them warmly with wide open arms. 
You always did give the best hugs.
Jaehyun watches the three of you chatter away and he feels acutely out of place in the little cafe. You look happy and he should move on. 
He throws his finished cup in the trash can and moves to exit through the side door, but he moves too slowly.
“Jaehyun, is that you?” You call out. He looks into your steady gaze and almost feels shy. 
“Yeah,” he’s quiet. “It’s been awhile.”
“It has,” you agree. “You look well.”
The smile you give him has him believing in second chances and maybe he’ll get it right this time.
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Note: i am so sorry that the second part is a hot mess express smh… there were a lot of things i planned and intended that didn’t happen, but i’ll just take this as a learning experience and write and better story next time. thanks for taking the time to read this !! <3
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masterlist.
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itsnothesameasitwas · 3 years ago
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hiii! this month I’ve read a lot of great fics, so I decided is time to start my monthly fic rec… that means I’ll be doing a short fic rec and recap every month with my favorite fics of the month
note: the fics I’ll be mentioning weren't necessarily posted recently
!!! - please be careful and read all the tags and/or warnings before start reading and left kudos and nice messages to the authors <33
❀ Divinely Blessed by thinlines @thinlinez  | 17k | Explicit | ABO | fic post
“I heard you, Ni. But what do you mean?”
“What do you mean what I mean?”
Harry rolled his eyes as he shoved his alpha friend down onto a seat. “Did you mean you lick someone out or…?”
“Nah, mate! It was me! I got licked out!” Harry could only stare at Niall in horror.
Alpha Harry prides himself on having the bravest and most caring omega who might or might not just fulfill his sudden curiosity.
note: for some reason i don’t know i fell in love with the ABO and found this fic someway and WOW! it’s really fluffy and sweet and while i was reading all i could think about was “god! i really want someone who love me like Harry loves Lou and viceversa” and also has a great smut scene, funny and well writen (cliff ily babe)
❀ Promise me you won’t run away by thinlines | 23k | Explicit | ABO | Español
“Does kissing me stop you from having bad thoughts?” Harry asked, voice muffled into the collar of Louis’ dress shirt. Louis chuckled at this. He trailed a hand down Harry’s back, feeling the muscles tensing along with his touch.
“I guess you can say that. You’re a good distraction.”
“Then I will be the best distraction.” Harry answered, pulling back and watched Louis’ lips unashamedly.
“Come distract me, then.”
Or the Prince/ Knight AU in which Harry left Louis, but the omega never once gave up on them.
note: this fic is beautiful and really REALLY well written, i need to say i cried and im the most cold person in the world but this caught me and I LOVED IT! but also when i finished it i got mad because in the end notes was the spanish translation and i read it in english lmao; anyway i love it!!!... summing this up, the fic made me thought about that LOVE ALWAYS WIN <33
❀ Twist the knife by jishler @jishlerfics | 6k | Explicit | Angst / Smut | fic post
Infuriating, but Louis missed it. Louis missed him. His thighs and his chest and breath and warmth and toothbrush next to Louis’. He missed sex with Harry but he missed his presence more: Louis would settle for watching Harry get himself off if it meant he got to see him; hear the voice that was like a soothing balm over all his wounds.
Two weeks after their breakup, Harry wants his toys back.
note: i definetely don’t read smut in purpose and the reason i’ve read this was because i love the moodboard BUT i need to thank the person who put it on my dash because i liked it so much!! was fun to read and the smut is pretty well written :))
❀  Hold you now by solvetheminourdreams @solvetheminourdreams | 131k | Angst with happy ending | fic post | playlist
The string within Harry's own sweatpants is now dangling outside of his pocket, stretched so far out that the seams of his pants have tightened. His eyes remain hyper focused on Louis, how oblivious he is—scrolling through his phone without a care in the world, while Harry feels his tilt on its axis.
Three years ago, Harry Styles said goodbye to communications consultancy firm McQuiston Worldwide, leaving a life of travel and agency PR behind. When he accompanies his best friend to a family wedding across the Atlantic, he'll be forced to reopen old wounds and face his past—one that no one wants to hash out, but may just have to.
note: at the end of the first chapter i was emotional, is the kind of fic that you feel every single emotion, the one you literally feel are part of it... it’s perfectly well written and please give it a chance and  check all the stef’s works because she’s a super talented writer... if i say something else i’ll probably do spoilers so, shut up ana.
❀ The money mark by brightgolden @brightgolden | 52k | Explicit | ABO | fic post
Harry's heart beats faster in his chest as the name sinks in. The Tomlinson name is awfully familiar, and he isn’t sure how many rich Tomlinsons are out here in London, but he knew one. Seven years ago.
Like all fine things in the world, Louis Tomlinson ages exceptionally well.
OR
Where Louis is Harry’s first sugar daddy who dumped him over text and their paths cross, seven years later.
note: THIS IS MY FAVORITE FIC OF THE YEAR. sorry, but this fic is super well written, is omega harry + alpha louis and find smth like this is almost impossible! but i loved the fact that harry could be an omega and a sugar baby but he’s independant and strong and wow! it’s amazing; everyone should read it because it’s really good!! (ps. louis is the alpha of my dreams, he’s a complete gentlemen)
❀ Sweet like candy by neodiamond @neondiamond | 4k | General Audiences | ABO | fic post
Louis is an Alpha with an odd obsession for gummy bears. Harry is an Omega who makes friends a little too easily. They meet on the bus.
note: this is the cutest fluffy fic I have ever read! strangers to friends to lovers <333
❀ Literally making love by Brooklyn_babylon @twopoppies | 30k | Explicit | Robot/Human Relationship | fic post
Holding up one of the android's eyes to the workshop’s windows, he smiled as the light picked up the gold flecks in the pale green of his irises. Louis had always paid attention to even the tiniest details.
--
All Louis intended to do was rescue someone in need from loneliness. He had no idea it would be himself.
note: science + me = signal error BUT this fic. OMG. how to say this is one of the fics would be in my recap at the end of the year; i have read another fic by Gina and was really good but this is probably my favorite between both of them... all i know and want now is to create my perfect partner lmao. 
❀ I’m gonna keep this love, if you let me by pixies @tomlinbuns | 26k | Explicit | ABO | fic post
Louis makes Harry pretend to be his boyfriend one night out. The rest is history.
note: this one is simple to discribe... the best of the best. one of my favorites abo fics, funny, teasing and very romantic. i enjoyed so much read how these two guys fell in love with each other. god bless this fic <33
❀ Beautiful stranger by lovelarry10 @chloehl10 | 66k | Explicit | ABO / Mpreg | fic post
“Did you want to- oh. Uh, sorry, I-” Harry stuttered, licking his lips as he looked over Louis’ bare torso, not focusing on the ocean ahead of him. “You’re very distracting, Lou.”
“Trying to tell me you haven’t seen a topless Omega before?” Louis asked, walking back to his rucksack and grabbing a bottle of suncream out of it before returning to stand by Harry.
“Not one as stunning as you,” he thought he heard Harry mutter as he started to rub the cream into his shoulders.
*****
When Alpha Harry Styles attends the Gucci Cruise 2020 show, he knows what to expect: clothes, clutch bags, and a few too many pretentious people. What he doesn’t expect, however, is to run into an Omega who is more beautiful than anything on the runway.
note: this fic is from 2019 but who cares, i loved it so much and i want to thank/blame @justalarryblog​ because she unintentionally recommended it to me in her abo fic rec post and now i want someone like this harry in my life... is it too much to ask? because is one of the most beautiful abo fics i’ve read this month and wow. if you haven’t read it yet, what are you waiting for??
❀ Waiting on you by beckywritesthings @beckydoesthings  | 21k | Mature | Mpreg | fic post
“Do you want to touch?” Harry asks, taking one of his hands off to tangle with Louis’. His open invitation finally drags Louis’ attention away from his baby and up to his face, blue eyes wobbly with emotions. It’s clear that he’s too taken to really form words, so Harry takes the initiative to press their laced hands against his shirt fabric, warmth from the skin radiating through.
Louis pushes his shirt up to his chest, taking Harry’s hand and pressing it to hold the fabric in place. His hands return to warm skin, palms even more scalding now that there’s nothing in between them. And then, as if that wasn’t enough for Harry’s heart to handle, Louis leans in, pressing his lips right above his belly button.
“Hi, baby,” he says, lips moving across his skin softly. “I’m your… I’m Louis.”
Or Harry is pregnant with a stranger’s baby and Louis doesn’t know. It’s a minor detail that Harry’s both living with Louis and in love with him. No big deal.
note: this fic is really new, someone reblogged the fic post and when i saw it first i was like ‘huh?’ and then suddendly (in less than a minute) decided it was the next thing i’ll be reading and now i’m completely in love with it. Lou i need to say you’re the kind of guy everyone wants in their life <3 
-----------
❀ all the love, ana. xx
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ineedsleepleavemealone · 4 years ago
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Some random headcannons
(I ship erasermic so some of these relate to that)
I guess this also needs a warning: some more mature things if you squint hard enough
Also the ships in this are: erasermic, kiribaku, tododeku, and a tiny tiny bit of momojiro (sorry if I forgot one)
~ Mic is actually kinda sad and breaks down alot when hes alone because of the stress he goes through, aizawa is the only one he will break down infront of ~ ~ Aizawa secretly loves giving mic piggyback rides. Change. My. Mind. ~ ~ Bakugo is nicest and softest when he is sleepy, and more open with his feelings when he is tired (especially to kiri, I ship them too😭✋) ~ ~ When sero cooks or cleans he will put on spanish music and dance to it. ~ ~ Dabi is kinky™️ ~ ~ Dabi will tease e v e r y o n e ~ ~ Dabi makes up stories of how he got burnt, like: Twice: so- uh how did all this go down * gesturing to scars * Dabi: oh, while sneezing Twice: but how does tha- Dabi: *sneezes and uses his fire* Twice: oH- ~ ~ When 1-a all become pro heroes, deku will wear everyone's merch ~
~ When bakugo is working out, when he does push ups he will get kirishima to lay on him for "additional weight" (we see you bakugo👀👀) ~ ~ Shoto can make snowflakes with his quirk. I. Rest. My. Case. ~ ~ shoto likes dancing in the rain or snow, well not dance just like being with deku ~ ~ Shoto will make little things out of ice and give them to deku (all might figures👀👀) ~ ~ Occasionally in the dorms everyone in 1-a has a movie night ~ ~ Ojiros tail wags when hes happy ~ ~ This is cannon because I've seen the official art, but I hc that bakugo likes animals and animals love him cause he smells like caramel and his hands are warm ~ ~ One word for aoyama. S e l f i e s ~
~ Shoto didnt know how to ride a bike so when they all moved into the dorms 1-a taught him ~ ~ When bakugo walks into the dorms common area he says stuff like "it smells like bitch in here" and "ughhh if I stay in here to long the bitchyness might affect me" ~ ~ All the girls in 1-a: sleepovers™️ but every time mineta will try to get in lmao. It. Never. Works. ~ ~ Shotos birthday present to everyone is endeavors credit card number😂he will also go clothes shopping with all the girls just because he can use endeavors credit card ~ ~ Tokoyami is actually really good at drawing and loves writing poetry ~ ~ Bakugo is the oldest in 1-a which is cannon. I feel like he would be the type to brag that he's the oldest and would use it as an excuse to do what he wants ~ ~ The dekusquad and bakusquad have groupchats ~ ~ Bakusquad play video games together and eat pizza together all the time ~ ~ The dekusquad gc consists of iida talking about homework, positive memes, and todoroki not understanding anything happening on there ~ ~ Jirou has a music playlist for every situation. Every. Situation. ~ ~ The best jeanist said bakugo couldn't learn how to style hair so katsuki "I am the best at everything" bakugo learnt how to do hair and now all the girls and kirishima go to him and make him do their hair ~ ~ Kirishima needs his hair dyed red when his roots start showing, so bakugo dyes it for him ~ ~ 1-a loves playing games like truth and dare and never have I ever when they cant sleep or are just bored ~ ~ Bakugo sleeps at 8. pm which is cannon, but still wants to be the best at whatever they are doing, so he still goes if they are playing or watching something but always. Always. Falls asleep, and he falls asleep on kiri. ~ ~ Aizawa is actually really flexible and can jump around and move literally like a cat. ~ ~ Mic: finger guns™️ and I can imagine this Mic: *does finger guns at aizawa* Aizawa: pull the trigger. ~ ~ Everyone goes into bakugos room for advice. Like jirou would go in there at 3am and just be like : yo so I'm lesbian and momo is lesbian and she said she likes me but I'm not sure if she likes me.
And even though bakugo will literally shout at them for being in his room at 3am they will still get advice😂~ ~ Kirishima is named after a mountain. Bakugos favourite activity is mountain climbing. Its cannon and ik it is I just thought I'd say that ~ ~ Shinso definitely uses his voice changer for memes. He would say things like "I'm katsuki bakugo and I'm a little bitch" with bakugos voice and "im aizawa and Im in love with a cockatoo" with aizawas voice. ~ ~ When denki is nervous random sparks of electricity come from his hands. ~ ~ If denki doesnt know how to do something he will search it up on wiki how. Change. My. Fucking. Mind. ~ ~ Shiggy genuinly doesnt know what moisturizer is ~ ~ Mic is amazing at playing any instrument ~ ~ Mic knows sign language and is fluent in alot of languages ~ ~ After toga stabs someone she mumbles things like "ughhh what a mood" "damn that one snatched my weave" and "we stan a queen" and once held up the knife like a beauty guru ~ ~ The girls constantly try to get uraraka to float m*neta into the sun ~ (yes I censored his name💀💀) ~ Tokoyami has good music taste ~ ~ The bakusquad (kaminari) tries to teach all might vine references ~ ~ Shoto l o v e s conspiracy videos ~ ~ Ojiro can purr ~ ~ Mina shares her clothes with everyone ~ ~ Shoto likes to watch the sun rise ~ ~ Omgggg I love this one. Aizawa listens to Mics radioshow when he grades papers and when he cant he will hum the music to himself ~ ~ Kaminari is memes™️ ~ ~ When mic says todorokis name he says it like the target vine (next competitor is- T T T T T T T T T TODOROKI SHOTOOOOOO *makes air horn noises*) ~ ~ The UA staff have prank wars (especially mic and literally anyone. Once poured pink cat shaped glitter on aizawa and it was 100% worth it) ~ Mic can harmonize with himself. Periodt. ~ ~ Tetsutetsu and shinso spend so much time at the 1-a dorms that one time bakugo cooked food for them too. ~
~ On that note, bakugo is obviously an amazing cook and when hes cooking for himself he will "accidentally make too much so you extras can have it" ~ ~ Shoto is literally turtlenecks™️ ~ ~ Mic literally has the worst sleep schedule like how is this man alive???? ~ ~ At night iida will run around the dorms saying goodnight to everyone and checking that they are all still in the dorms because he feels it’s his responsibility to look after everyone ~ ~ Shigirakis favourite thing to do is to just stand in the rain. He finds the rain soothing and calming to him because it’s one of the only things that he can’t destroy so it gives him peace of mind that he still human and isn’t the completely destructive monster everyone claims him to be. ~
Hope you liked them✌✌
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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years ago
Note
Ok imma be honest, this chapter moved me to tears and not the sad sobbing but the more inspiring kind. This chapter means the world.
She had told them her dreams were about ducks – since there were the only equally horrible thing she could think of.
Uncle Magnus had given her an odd look then, as if he knew she was bullshitting them. But he hadn’t said anything.
DUCKS AREN'T THAT BAD! HAVE Y'ALL EVER BEEN CHASED BY A GOAT?? I WAS CONVINCED I WAS GONNA DIE
Lexi would be royally pissed if this turned out to be some stupid pointless dream.
YUP
Even though she was only 7 minutes older than Lexi, Selena always acted like she was 7 years older.
That's so cute though
People looked at her pastel-coloured aesthetic immediately assumed she was the soft and sweet Fairchild twin. People saw Selena in her red leather jacket and thigh high boots and assumed she was in the infamous troublesome Herondale twin.
SMH THE DAMN STEREOTYPES
Why Selena hadn’t killed her in her sleep yet, Lexi doesn’t know.
BYE THAT'S EVERY SIBLING RELATIONSHIP EVER
The meals at the Academy were to die for – quite literally. Last week two students from the warlock fraction had almost killed each other over a blueberry muffin.
Oh how times change...they will never know the dreaded soup
NO ANJALI HAS BEEN GONE FOR OVER A YEAR???
IS JAIME OK?? PLEASE BE OK! HE CAN LIVE WITH TREATMENT SO I REALLY HOPE HE'S OK
Selena’s was Idris of course. She was kind of obsessed with it.
Max loved the shadow markets. Lexi thought they were very cool too.
Rafael loved his father’s office – which was weird. There was nothing to do in that room other than ponder about shadow world problems. Besides, the place still weirdly smelled like the tangerine perfume Anjali wore, even though the girl had left New York almost a year ago.
David loved the New York Institute – especially the library.
Gigi of course loved the dining halls.
Dining halls, kitchens, food trucks, vending machines - if a place had food with it, Gigi loved it.
It's so amazing how they all have their favorite places...(same David same)
“You’re supposed to pour the syrup on the pancakes not into your mouth,” Lexi chuckled as she sat down next to her.
“It ends up in my mouth anyway,” Gigi shrugged.
True enough.
AWW ROMAN MAKING GIGI PLAYLISTS!!
Someone make me a playlist.
“His parents fell in love in Rome when they were in Rome,” Gigi pointed out even though Lexi already knew. “I think it’s actually romantic.”
I had forgotten that-
Roman was nice. But not nice enough for Georgia. Lexi didn’t think there was anyone good enough for her parabatai – who was the most perfect person in the world.
Me @ anyone who tries to make a move at my best friend.
AWW GEORGIA LIKES HIM TOO!!
When's the wedding?
(you're telling me you didn't believe you were gonna marry your childhood crush? Liar)
“I like being his friend,” Georgia said. “I like spending time with him and all of that. But I don’t know if I like him…in that way. I feel like I need more time.”
Demiromantic??? YES GIVE US THE REP
Lexi sometimes thought life would be so much simpler if the world was full of women and everyone was a lesbian.
Ikr?? Life would be so much easier.
Lexi says Roman is too-nice-sus
Well well well
The kind of love that cheated death.
The kind of love that sustained memory spells put by princes of hell.
The kind of love that changed the world.
Trust me all of our standards are very high
Lexi successfully survived the class without falling asleep.
Me during English.
Ok who's the blond?
Lexi I thought we weren't gonna fall this soon-
Oh the girl's straight...sigh we've all been there.
which meant they had to hold hands. Kinda.
Lexi was a little scared of that.
Me.
Goddamnit, Alexandra. Get your gay together!
THAT'S SO RELATABLE LIKE?? YES
OH MY GOD IT'S EMMA AND JULIAN'S DAUGHTER GEIDIDHDOHDJSKSJSKGXJDHSODHKDGDDGDJHDJDGDJDGJDHD
Lexi knew Olivia liked boys. She hadn’t dated anyone officially of course. All the boys were kind of terrified of her father.
She could be bi or pan or omni. WE GOTTA HAVE HOPE
vegetable loaf... David I'm so sorry you had to go through this.
Lexi then decided not to do any of her homework over the weekend because she was not coming back to the academy. She was not going to survive the sleepover and whatever else Olivia had in mind.
Bestie...why is this me when I make eye contact with my crush.
“Good stuff?” Max snorted. “Rafe literally ran away from home cause shit got too intense.”
“I didn’t run away!” Rafael rolled his eyes. “Stop telling people that!”
“But you have rumours and shadowhunters getting thrown into silent city and cohort drama and all that exciting stuff!” Liv pointed out.
I-
Liv-
True though.
“Wasn’t there a serial killer when your parents were young?” David asked.
“And didn’t your uncle do necromancy?” Max said biting into a chicken wing.
True and true
“Sorry, Chouchou!” Lexi winced. “I, uh, sensed a mosquitoe on your leg.”
“Girl, your angel powers are weird as fuck,” Max laughed.
MAX LANGUAGE
“I don’t know,” the girl shrugged and threw her a wink. “I wouldn’t put anything past Lexi.”
Lexi looked at Gigi. She was one more compliment away from screaming.
But Gigi of course knew her struggle and therefore quickly stuffed a bread roll into Lexi’s mouth.
I need someone to stuff bread into my mouth when things get like this
There were rumours about David – and how Daddy had an affair. Lexi was yet to find those asshats and shove a witch light down their throats.
When you find them lemme know too.
“Or maybe it’s because you don’t need rumours be interesting,” David pointed out.
Max turned around, looking surprised at that. His cheeks turned purple. Lexi didn’t know why he was surprised. David only ever spoke fondly of Max.
JUST GET TOGETHER ALREADY OH MY GOD
“Oh. Oh! I did hear something a long time ago!” Gigi said suddenly. “Olly, is it true you were conceived at the beach?”
“Georgia, you can’t just ask people where they were conceived!” David sounded horrified.
That is very much possible.
“I heard you were conceived in hell?”
“Oh my god,” Selena looked horrified. “That’s not true! It must have been about Max!”
“Y’all I am adopted!” Max was shaking with laughter and then stopped. “Although our dads could have definitely had sex in hell. I wouldn’t put it past them.”
Oh yes. Both clace and malec.
Then they had of course continued to discuss that cursed topic until Rafael had threatened to tell the Consul about it.
LMAO
Lexi turned around and saw Liv waiting for her. Nope. She wasn’t going to talk a walk – a fucking stroll! – with Olivia all on her own.
“You are coming back to the institute with me or I will un-parabatai you.”
You know there being an un-parabatai ceremony would solve a lot of shit
What if their hands accidentally grazed or something? That shit was lethal.
RIGHT????
She is just trying to be nice. That’s what friends do. They are nice. And they give each other pretty dresses and say they would like to see them in it.
Honey that's gay.
EVERYONE ASKING HER OUT IM DEAD
Selena: Ugh boys
Selena: When I win back Idris, we are leaving all the men behind.
Lexi: Except Magnus? Lol.
Selena: Obviously.
Is that even a question Lexi? Duh.
ALEC LIGHTWOOD THOUGHT SHE WAS STRAIGHT? THE SHAME!
OH MY GOD IM CACKLING
Not everyone can kiss their partner in the Accords Hall. Some people didn’t have access to the Accords Hall.
And most important, some people didn’t have partners!
We're getting a lexi and Alec talk someone hold me
“I’m going to tell you something,” Uncle Alec said. “It might sound simple. It might sound ridiculous. But it’s the truth. So, you must believe me. Can you do that?”
Lexi gave him a small nod.
“It doesn’t matter what other people think,” Uncle Alec said. “Not when it comes to your future. Not when it comes to your identity. They don’t get to have a say in who you are and why you are the way you are.”
Lexi bit her lip.
“Alexandra, people will always tell what to do. But you shouldn’t let them. Never let anyone tell you what to do with your heart or your body. Neither belongs them. It only belongs to you.”
THIS RIGHT HERE MADE ME START CRYING BECAUSE DAMN YES!
“Yep,” she groaned and then hesitated for a moment. “Uncle Alec…Can I ask you something stupid?”
“Can I say no?”
“No.”
“Then go ahead.”
I love her so much
“I feel…I feel it’s something we have to bear, Alexandra. The fear of rejection. It’s something we have to accept as an inevitable part of our lives. Because no matter how much love we have around us, we will always be afraid of people not loving us – simply because of who we are.”
Yeah...
“Besides, they named you after me,” he pointed out. “I don’t know what else they expected.”
EXACTLY! Did they really expect a straight child after naming them after Alec?
“I do like shouting,” Lexi wondered out loud. “That’s good advice.”
“I didn’t mean it literally!” Uncle Alec looked alarmed.
“No, it makes total sense!” Lexi grinned. “Some of these people can be tone deaf. Gotta shout it out. Loud and clear. Awesome advice! Thanks, Uncle Alec!”
DO IT
“Hey, Lexi. I was wonderin-”
“MOVE, I’M GAY!” she yelled as she shoved him aside and kept on running.
ABSOLUTELY ICONIC
“I prefer she/her,” Lexi answered. "But sometimes I prefer she/they. But you can use she/her because some of y'all already shit at grammar."
That's exactly what I tell people when they ask for my pronouns. Istg people are shit at grammar.
alright girl im here to give you a lecture on how someone's dressing doesn't describe their sexuality
OH MY MY GOD THERE WAS A GENDER AND SEXUALITY CLASS IN THE ACADEMY ARE THEY RECRUITING???
One of the boys who had complimented cleared his throat. “So, uh, you don’t like boys?”
“That’s literally what I said,” Lexi rolled her eyes. “I’m gay. I’m very gay. I’m gayer than the Consul. Okay fine, that’s not true. No one gayer than the Consul. But I’m still pretty gay.”
Does the boy have hearing problems?
ALSO YES NO ONE'S GAYER THAN THE CONSUL
“Sexual orientation and gender expression are two different things,” she explained now, remember what Uncle Magnus had taught them. “Sexual orientation refers to who I am sexually and romantically attracted to. Gender expression is how I want to express my gender identity. Those two are not connected. Just because a woman wears feminine clothes it doesn’t mean she is straight. Just because a man embraces femininity, it doesn’t make him gay either. Does that make sense?”
“Ohhh,” the girl nodded. “Yes, it does. Thank you!”
“What I wear does not reflect who I like. It reflects who I am and what I like to wear,” Lexi explained. “And regardless of my sexuality, I like pretty things.”
Exactly.
“This doesn’t change anything. I hope you know that,” he told her. “I mean I have to change the pronouns in my shovel talk. But that’s not a big deal.”
Awwww
Also – my good friend Raziel told me that homophobia is a sin.”
“You mean homosexuality is a sin?” an older man asked.
“No, homophobia is a sin,” Lexi repeated. “That’s what Raziel said.”
“But that’s not-”
Someone cleared their throat. When he spoke, it was in the Consul Voice.
“Are you saying know better than Raziel?” the Consul asked.
Listen to Raziel you dumb shit
“Sure. Let me just call the Lesbian Alliance,” Lexi rolled her eyes.
Ugh I wish
OH NO NO NO NOT THE FAKE DATING. JUST CONFESS AND DATE FOR REAL
“Alexandra, I have a fucking undercut and I have pink highlights and I cuff my jeans and I literally walk around with a sword and I can quote Lady Gaga to perfection! Why would you ever think I was straight??”
Lexi your gaydar is broken bestie.
Don't do this omg this is gonna be a mess
Gigi: THIS IS A BAD IDEA. ABORT! ABORT!
Lexi: Relaaaax. It’s going to be fine!
Gigi: I’ve read enough fanfiction to know the fake dating trope never ends well!
Lexi: I’ve told you to include the ‘angst with happy ending’ tag!
LMAO
Also Gigi which fanfiction do you read?
Jace omg...
That's so him though.
“How about my peeps? It sounds very hip.”
“It does not,” Lexi replied. “Please don’t refer to us as your peeps under any circumstance."
IM SCREAMING ASHSKHSIDBSHSHDH
Her father chuckled at that. “Sweetheart, you’re a Herondale. Being problematic is what we do.”
EXACTLY
Daddy opened the notebook again. “I need names.”
Grabs flamethrower names
“Besides, the Lightwoods and Blackthorns have been hogging the gay genes for too long. Now it’s our turn. I say you gay it up.”
“Gay it up?” Lexi laughed.
“Yeah,” he grinned. “Go for the highest possible level of gay.”
DO IT
He blinked for a second and then it hit him. “OH MY GOD YES! DOES EMMA KNOW??”
Lexi laughed. Yeah, he can never find out it was a fake dating situation.
Hopefully he won't have to because it won't be fake :D
“To love is a privilege and to be loved is a blessing.”
THE GROWTH OH MY GOD
This chapter literally means so much to me. I don't even know what to say. I hope I too can one day have the courage to shout it in front of everyone and not be scared. See ya on Tuesday!
It means so much to me that this chapter meant a lot to you. I hope you find all the courage, strength and support you need. You are amazing.
And here. I made you a playlist.
Tumblr media
You can find it here on YouTube. I hope you like it :)
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sunqyu · 4 years ago
Text
~ Treasure realizing they love you and the first time they say it pt 1.
Request 1: “ hmm im all in cute feelings, so FIRST I LOVE YOUS with treasure reaction thingy, would be super sweet 🙊💗🌼🌼 “ - anon
Request 2: “ i love your writing! treasure realizing theyre in love with their s/o🥺 “ - anon
These requests are both so adorable and fitting so I decided to combine them. Hope you enjoooy. Also, buckle up ‘cause ITS A LONG ONE AGAIN. Got carried away as usual so it’ll be in two parts. K BYE <3 - Nova
Hyunsuk
realizing it
it doesn’t take much to make Hyunsuk like you
but to actually fall in love with you
that’s a different story
he’s alone at the studio, trying to get his verse right
every time he fixes something he didn’t like, he notices something else
he’s sat at his desk, elbows next to the keyboard
head hanging down with his fingers tangled in his hair
a sharp inhale
a shaky exhale
then his phone lights up, a message from you, asking if he’s home yet and how his day went
2.30am, he reads
he starts typing, frantically, on and on as the chaos in his head makes it’s way onto his phonescreen
only for him to stop and delete it all because he knows what he really wants to send you
but it’s too late and he doesn’t want to be a burden, you need your sleep too
when he looks up and sees his own reflection in the, now dimly lit, screen of his computer
another sharp inhale
‘Not so great to be honest, can I come to your place?’ sent.
on the way to your house he’s still thinking about turning back
but all those thoughts are long gone the moment you open the door
your eyes beaming at him, messy bun wiggling side to side and you’re wrapped up in a blanket
his heart melts as he feels the tightness in his temples and neck from the stress subside
‘Hi- I missed you.’
you probably didn’t notice but he almost said something else
he snickers to himself, that would’ve been a bit early
saying it
definitely the type to say it without realizing what he’s saying
you two are getting groceries
which, even though it’s not a special thing, is always so much fun
this time you ended up playing hide and seek
it wasn’t really discussed, you just lost Hyunsuk at one point and decided to turn it into a game instead of calling him
which means it’s your turn now
it had been over 20 minutes and he was getting worried
very impressed with your skills
but worried
in the end he decided to call you
to his surprise he hears your ringtone behind him
he turns around
the ringtone is still behind him
he turns around
what the-
he turns around but really fast this time
his eyes meet yours a second before you start dying from laughter
‘How long where you doing that for-?’ he laughed in self-pity and disbelieve
when he finds out you never left he sighs
‘Ugh- I love you.’ he mutters inbetween chuckling
for a second he freezes, a thousand things running through his mind
but y’know what? fuck it.
‘Yea- it’s true. I love you.’
Jihoon
realizing it
also seems like someone who does not fall in love quickly
mostly because he’s not looking for it, he doesn’t feel the need to be in love to be happy
but once he does
oh boy
so when you came in his life he wasn’t thinking about a potential relationship
or wondering if you two would be compatible
he simply enjoyed your presence and you two got closer as friends
because of this the moment he realizes he has feelings for you will be overwhelming for him
wasn’t ready
you weren’t even doing anything different than usual
just eating in the yg cafetaria, both rambling about things
subjects that made people walking by look up because they didn’t get the full story
out of nowhere he fell hard
the mechanism that’s supposed to be his brain malfunctioning
croissant in mid-air
it all just made sense
the reason why he could never be sad around you
the reason that made your eyes twinkle more than anyone elses
the reason you saying his name sounds different than when anyone else says it
the reason he’s now sitting with his mouth wide open staring at you without really looking at you
‘Y-yea, I was listening. Ofcourse I was.’
saying it
probably says it on a special occasion
not planned or anything
it just seemed fitting in that moment
he realized before you two were even dating so it’s not like there’s any doubt left
still, expressing it feels like a very big step
it was quite a warm autumn evening
you were sitting on the floor at the salon table
filled with food from different places
‘I’m so proud of us.’ he beamed
you had just finished a very important essay which is going to be a great advantage when looking for an internship
he had just ended filming their third music video
‘I wish I could show you, you’re gonna love it.’ he mumbled before grabbing another bite
it looked like a feast but takeout-style
you continue eating, enjoying each others company
all the windows were open because of the nice weather
a soft breeze would ruffle the curtains
the subtle sound mixing well with the music
Jihoon had looked for just the right playlist for almost half an hour
and it couldn’t have been more perfect
the warm light of the candles was accompanied by a desklight
you got it out of your room because the ceiling light wasn’t cozy but the candles weren’t enough to see each other’s face (or the food)
the topic slowly drifts to more nostalgic memories
dates to the beach, your weekend in Japan, meeting his friends
‘You know what’s funny? out of all of those memories the one that is most special to me was a really simple one.’ something in his expression changed and you sat calmly, waiting for him to continue
‘It was a few days before I asked you out on our first date. We were at yg, eating something.’ he grabbed another bite of food, chuckling at your impatient response
‘I don’t know what it was but out of nowhere I realized I was in love with you.’ the words came out while he looked at his plate, looking up only a second before he continued
‘I still do. I love you-, even more each day.’
Yoshi
realizing it
there’s not really a specific moment where it hit him
his love for you grew gradually
which is exactly how he liked it
from the moment he met you he was never nervous around you
he never felt like he wasn’t good enough or like he had to try harder
everything made sense from day one
there would be moments where is heart could burst from it
like the time you tried to fix his broken jeans with a youtube tutorial
or when you first fell asleep on his chest
the worst was when he couldn’t see you for a few days
as if the love in him grew and grew but he couldn’t give it to you
he just felt like he was going to explode sometimes
the other boys would notice very easily
‘I know it’s only a few days, you guys are right.’
his mind didn’t listen to his own words
‘I’m fine- I promise.’
but if it’s a few more hours he might not be
he would go to bed quite early these days
after he noticed that trying to distract himself wasn’t working
he’d scroll through photo’s you took together
and photo’s he took of you
he’d sent you another text, hoping your phone was off so he wouldn’t wake you up
a strange mix of happiness and sadness
luckily once he realizes his sadness is temporary and it only shows how special you are to him he’ll be able to focus on the happiness
thinking about all the memories you’ve made and will make in the future as he slowly drifts to sleep
saying it
finally
finally he was going to see you again
it was only like three days but boy was he DEPRIVED
he was the first done packing
the first in the car
the first to run into the dorm and put his bag away
aaaand the first to run out the door again
you two had been texting all day about movies to watch and all the stories he wanted to tell
his knee bumped up and down in the bus
he couldn’t remember the last time he was this hyped
only three more stops
he gazed out the window chuckling at himself
who would’ve thought someone could make him feel like this?
his hand clutched on to the souvenir he got you
two more stops
an old couple got in
yoshi always had a weakness for happy old couple
but now especially
he smiled politely at them
admiring how in love they looked
that would be you in the future, he thought to himself
one more stop
his smile was still on his face
recognizing restaurants you two went to
clothing stores where you complimented his style
and then
the bus stop
it’s the one where you two met
he still can’t believe he managed to strike up a conversation with you that day
but it must’ve been meant to be
he looked around frantically as soon as his foot hit the sidewalk
the sound of your shoes on the floor came closer
he turned to face the sound and before he could even see your face he was holding you in his arms again
tightly as if to tell the world you were his
a deep sigh left his mouth before he mumbled into your hair
‘I love you- I missed you so much. I’m so happy to see you.’
Junkyu
realizing it
‘stop being weird-’ ‘says who?’
you and Junkyu were laying on his bed
both with your limbs spread out, staring at the ceiling
you weren’t sure how long you’d been there
he hummed along to the song you just put on
before being interrupted by the sound of his own stomach
‘Oh wow- sounds like it’s time for lunch.’ 
you nodded in agreement as you grabbed your phone
he started thinking about what to get, watching you tap away on your phone
your hair was laying in a circle around your head
a shadow from the ceilinglight behind your phone over your eyes
he noticed how you pupils dilated as they adjusted to the light everytime your moved your phone a bit
your eyes are cool af, woah
he turned to his side, still looking at your features while you scrolled on your phone
the song changed and this time it was you humming along
your voice is so nice, he thought to himself
his dreamy moment was interrupted by you looking at him
oh right- food
‘Uh- I want uh-..’
to his surprise you tell him you already ordered
‘What- what about me?’
you listed the things you ordered for him, saying how you definitely knew what he wanted by now
he was shocked
if you aren’t the SWEETEST MOST THOUGHTFUL HUMAN BEING
then he wouldn’t know who is
his dreamy moment continued, even though you were staring right back this time, confused
he never felt like this before
like he wants to fast-forward and sit in a rocking chair with you, grumbling about youth
wait
fuck
this is love isn’t it?
saying it
he promised
he promised he wasn’t going to fall asleep during the movie
but look at him now
soft deep breathing, lips slightly parted as he was laying against you
even though you didn’t want to wake him up you had already seen this movie with friends and the remote was all the way on the table
you reached forward in slow motion
slowly
sloooooowly
Junkyu moved, rubbing his cheek against your shoulder before mumbling under his breath and laying still again
that was close
the journey continues
slooooooooooowly
you were only 10cm away from reaching the remote
‘N-no hh.. stay h- ple ase.’
a dilemma
lean forward a bit more or sit back and just let the man sleep?
bit more
sloooooooooooooooowly
your fingertips grazed the remote and it wobble side to side
‘Babe?-’ that definitely sounded more awake then earlier
but when you look at him you see he’s definitely not fully awake yet
‘Come back to beeed-’ he whined
bed? boy, we’re on the couch
you didn’t mention it and instead quickly grabbed the remote before you sat back down a little faster
‘Th-nk yo-’ he held you tighter
‘Love you-’
wait what?
Mashiho
realizing it
seems like a hopeless romantic to me
so might realize quite fast
this man has been fantasizing and imagining his future love life for so long
not to the point where he’s yanking flowers apart to find out if you love him or not
but he sees the beauty in so many things
enjoys the warmth of the sun on his skin
likes to watch people going about their day and thinking what their life is like
leaves sweet notes on receipts for hardworking employees to find when they come clean his table
little things but a lot of things
he has an eye for beauty and knows exactly how to use it for his own happiness
so he quickly noticed how happy you made him
it was again, the little things
but so so many
how your pinky finger was always a little higher than the rest when your hands were relaxed
how the cute baby hairs on the back of your neck would always leave your ponytail within minutes of putting your hair up
how your foot would bounce up and down when you sat with your legs crossed, even if there was no music
how every time you called him cute he had to keep himself from calling you cute because he knew you’d hide your face in your hands right after
the way you sat against the mirror when you came to watch him practice
sleeves of his sweater to long for your arms as you clapped after each song
loving you wasn’t something that happens at one point
it’s built within him since the moment you met
it just grows and grows as you take care of it with your cuteness and love
saying it
so much snow
everywhere
the snowflakes were most visible under the light of the streetlanterns
appearing and disappearing as they went back into the dark nightsky
the crisp sound from under your shoes was relaxing
you and Mashiho had a snowballfight after finishing about 20 snowangels each
it had gotten dark before you knew it so now you were walking home
his arm around your shoulder, rubbing softly to keep you warm
you felt the cold water through your gloves but sharing bodyheat was all you needed
both of you had soft smiles on your faces, walking in content silence
and you were also just EXHAUSTED so the quiet evening was a nice change
in some of the houses you walked by you could already see christmaslights and trees
he noticed you looking
‘Lets get our own decorations soon.’ 
you nodded happily, leaning against him a little more
this was going to be your first christmas together
you never expected to celebrate it with someone this year
the idea of setting up a tree together and the coziness it would bring made him feel warm inside
you discussed fun things you could do for christmas
ways to surprise the boys or what you wanted to eat
he listened to you talk about memories and future plans
when he noticed how clearly he was already involved in those future plans he couldn’t help himself
‘Hey-’ he gave your shoulder a squeeze to make you look at him
‘I love you, so so much-‘
Jaehyuk
realising it
it was the first time you were going to meet the rest of Jaehyuk’s group
a little nervous but mostly excited you walked to the front door
he told you to text him when you got there so he could see you before the rest did
a few second after you saw he read your message the door opens
you get a kiss on the lips, a tight hug and a kiss on your forehead all after each other
he wanted to show you love but also wanted to mentally prepare you for what was about to him
don’t get him wrong, he loves the other members with all his heart but he could imagine them being a little.... overwhelming.
before he could even ask you if you were nervous the yells from the living room began
curious heads peeking out from behind his back, 11 hands reaching out to you as they all wanted to introduce themselves first
you could make out some teasing to Jae followed by someone’s voice trying to keep the peace
he looked at you with slight worry in his face, only to be greeted by a cheerful smile
before he knew it you were bashing out jokes left and right
even standing up for him a few times in the funniest ways
he couldn’t be happier
so many people he loved in one room
one in particular though
he took a moment to sit back against the couch and look around in awe
so happy
after a few hours and some good food it was time for you to go home
he watched you end your conversation with Asahi
who, to his surprise, seemed like he didn’t want the conversation to end
you waved goodbye to everyone and got loads of no’s and why’s in return
‘It’s late guys, she still has to go home.’
saying it
you still heard the whining when you and Jae reached the front door
you talked a few more minutes about how much you enjoyed yourself and the funny and awkward moments you two noticed
‘Apparently you don’t only make me happy but my friends too.’
you beamed at the compliment
even though you enjoyed the night as well, the validation that they did too meant a lot to you
‘So I’ve been approved?’ ‘Clearly.’
he insisted on walking you home 
you discussed the evening even more
he explained more about their personalities and memories he has with them which now made so much sense to you
your fingers were intertwined, arms swinging back and forth playfully
for some reason he felt a lump in his throat
but he couldn’t quite figure out why
it even distracted him from your conversation a few times
which is very unlike him so you noticed quickly
when you stopped walking to ask him what was wrong
looking him in the eye to show you you were not taking nothing for an answer
the determined look in your eyes made him realize what it was
what he had been holding back
but he didn’t say it
not yet
after a few minutes you reached your frontdoor
‘Thank you for the great evening, I’m sure they’ll want you back as soon as possible.’
he leaned in for a goodnight’s kiss, holding you close a little tighter than usual
for a second he pulled back
‘I love you-’
before connecting your lips again
205 notes · View notes
nakedmossy · 4 years ago
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Cruel Summer - Part 1 [JJ x Reader]
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[A/N: Hi again. I've missed you. It was time for something new. I found this story in a dream. Prepare for a mental trip, it's indicative of the year i've had. This is gonna go in a million different directions and I can't say i'm surprised. Ive written two chapters and i'm already like ...well, fuck it i'm posting it...I needed to get back into writing and this is what I got so enjoy. I have a playlist I used while writing, comment if you want it shared. As always, not that any of us need the reminder....but there will be adult content (whatever that means) and language and NSFW content so...keep me off your screen at the dinner table. Love y'all ...Mossy x]
You ease your car into park, your hand resting on the gear shift, the tires slowly rocking back and forth on the soft ground as the engine dies. Sunlight streams through your windshield as a cloud of dust and sand settles around the car, and you feel a trapped breath release from deep in your chest. The quiet, melodic hum of music relaxes your shoulders and through the trees you can see the water rhythmically hitting the shore.
You haven’t been here in a few weeks and you're starting to feel it; the tight and uncomfortable tensing in your muscles, the locked jaw, the flat expressions. The closer it gets to the anniversary the more you feel the need to visit. But the frequency of your visits is dictated by Her, and She keeps tabs on your whereabouts a lot these days. ‘Its not healthy to spend so much time there’ She would say to you, while pulling a Valium out of her bag to slide towards you. She has your therapist on speed dial on the landline. And she blames you for living in the past. Ironic.
You pull your keys out of the ignition, unbuckle your seatbelt, and let your muscle memory guide you out of the car and through the trees to the edge of the embankment where the sand and the sea grass take over. Flashes of Lacey running down the beach in front of you, looking back over her shoulder and laughing, are burned into your eyelids when you blink. She was everywhere here, every corner of this beach belonged to her. Her towel spread out on the sand at your feet, books with water damaged pages scattered across it, her bag tossed lazily to the side. Her board perched against the log you used to dry out your wetsuits. Her camera.
You close your eyes and listen to the wind move through the grass, her laugh echoing off the rocks. Come on! She would laugh with an outstretched arm. Come take a picture with me.
Her lips were supple and her nose was sun kissed, her hair bleached and tousled from the saltwater. She would motion for you to come over and you would go, because you always did, to fit into the frame next to her, cramming yourself in wherever you could after she found her best angle. She would hold up the camera and wrap her arm around you tightly, the smell of her tanning oil and sweat floating around you in a heady cloud, and at the last moment she would press her lips to your cheek and whisper cheese.
You blink and look at the water again, a seagull squawking as it flies over the empty beach. Reaching into your jeans pocket and feeling for the photo, you pull it out and look down, the moment she clicked the button frozen in time on the paper in your hand. Her side profile was radiant, the wind blowing her hair around her lips which were pressed to your face, you looked straight at the camera with a shy smile, a hidden smile, a quiet smile. An honest smile.
You run your thumb across the picture reflexively before sighing and putting the picture back in your pocket, it was one of the last photos you had together and it was one of the only ones you could clearly make out your own face. That always bothered you. Now you’ll never forget how happy we were today. I love you. She shook the polaroid until it was developed, then pressed it into your chest and winked, waiting for you to grab ahold of it, before turning on her heal and running towards the water.
Your chest burns for a moment before you straighten up and set your jaw. You feel good today, closer to her than usual. Today might be the day. You follow the path through the dunes towards the water and concentrate on the tide, watching the foam and the water snake along the shoreline. It’s windy, but not as windy as it usually is this time of day. The sky, clear and clean of any clouds, is the colour of blue that reminds you what happiness is. Or was, you know, before all the shit happened. When life was something you had the ability to process, sometimes even enjoy.
Now or never. Your head whips up at the sound of her voice and you see her, standing in the water. You feel the blood rush to your face, your core warming. There she is, running a hand up her stomach towards her chest and smiling at you, the kind of smile that would get good people into bad situations.
Slowly you slide your sneakers off and kick them aside, wiggling the sand between your toes. You’re not wearing a bikini but the beach is empty, so you close your eyes and listen to Lacey laughing from the water, come on scaredy cat, nobodies looking, as you peel your top off and drop it into the sand beside your shoes. You unbutton your shorts next and let them slide down your legs, stepping out of them hesitantly.
Lacey walks out of the water, so you keep your eyes closed, knowing if you open them she will be gone, and you wait for her to bite her lip and smile at you. There. Look at your body. You’re beautiful. Come on. She guides you towards the water with nothing but her own bare skin and confidence, nothing could ever touch her. You know its only a few steps until your feet are in the water, you should open your eyes and look around to make sure nobody is watching, but you don’t get to see her often anymore between the Valium and the other stuff, so you forgo it for a few more seconds. Today is the day, you have to do it. Time is running out. She’s all but told you as much.
“I miss you” You say, but your voice sounds foreign and it breaks and scatters into the wind.
Im right here. Lacey smiles at you like she always did, her crooked dimpled grin, her perfectly straight white teeth, her eyes shining. Now shut up and get in the water.
You feel the warm dry sand turn to wet firm sand beneath your feet, you know you’re close. It’s ours, all of it. The water. Just let go and let the Ocean carry you. You’re weightless. Isn’t it perfect?
Your breathing is shallow and your palms are clammy. There’s a tingling sensation in your thighs and you feel dizzy. You have to open your eyes. No, don’t. Not yet. Stay with me.
The water touches your toes and your eyes shoot open, you recoil and lose your footing, falling backwards. You crab crawl away from the water until the tide retreats and you feel your vision tunnelling as Lacey fades into the sunbeam above the water.
You scramble back to your clothes and pull your shorts above your sand stained underwear, your shirt smoothing your hair down as it settles back over your shoulders. You take a few deep breaths until your heart rate slows down. A tear springs up and sits in your eye for a few moments before falling and drying on your cheek. The beach is the best place to cry. The ocean is loud so nobody hears you, and the sun is hot so the tears dry fast.
You don’t want to turn around and look back at the water, you know she won’t be there. You’re alone, properly alone, just like she said you would be, psychic bitch. If she hadn’t been so charismatic and beautiful and conveniently wealthy, people would have outcasted her for being a freak a long time ago. What with all the tealeaves and palm readings and ‘gut feelings’. But they never did, her family had more money than the Kennedys and she looked like she walked runways for fun on the weekends, so she was untouchable. Your stomach starts to turn as you think about it so you blink the ground in front of you back into focus and start walking.
You have a few minutes of freedom left before She starts calling and asking where you are, so you walk slow to savour it. Who knows when you would be allowed out long enough again to go back.
You emerge from the tree cover into the parking area, pondering how many different routes you can take to get home to elongate the drive, when you hear a car door close. You look up, pulled from your thoughts, and squint to see through the bright sun.
“‘Scuse me!” A voice says, deep and friendly. A silhouette is moving towards you, so you bring your hand up to block the sun from your eyes. “Hey, sorry, do you live around here?”
You blink a few times as the silhouette gets closer and make out the figure of a tall man with wispy hair and baggy shorts.
“Sorry?” You reply, still trying to get a clear image.
“Im just trying to find the Marina but I have taken at least 5 of these side roads and all I keep finding is empty damn parking lots.” The man stops a few feet from you, close enough that you can make out a tan face with a toothy grin, and blonde hair. “First one with a pretty girl though, so I must be going the right way.” He smiles at you confidently, shielding his own eyes from the sun, but still squinting.
You look back over your shoulder to the beach, confirming Lacey is gone. You turn and look at the man who is watching you intently, hopefully, and smile quietly.
“Yeah, it’s uh…its just back on the main road, go 3 clicks south and take a right at the fork. You’ll see a fancy sign for a beach club, it’s just past that.” You look past him to the old Ford truck with rusted wheel wells and smile to yourself. “Assuming you’re not going to the beach club.”
The man laughs and smiles, looking over your shoulder at the beach before his eyes settle back on you. “Nope. Never been to one of those…legally.” He winks and backs up a few steps, then nods and says “Thanks” before turning and walking back towards his truck. He slows as he reaches it and stops, then turns back and pivots before jogging back to you.
You wait and watch, curious. He stops a few steps away and stretches out his hand.
“Sorry. That was rude of me. Im JJ.”
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cherrybracelets · 4 years ago
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come down [s. reid x reader]
words: 2.6k | warnings: 18+ content, smut including oral (m receiving) and unprotected sex. please do not interact with this fic if you are under 18.
requests | masterlist
going undercover at the club is less than ideal, especially when it involves dancing and grinding with spencer reid
an- this was a request and i absolutely WENT with it so i hope u enjoy this nonnie also this is my first spencer fic and im super nervous so if u like it pls lmk and if you have requests pls send them and check out my masterlist for a playlist with all my fic titles songs lol thx 
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You hated it from the moment you walked in the crowded, poorly lit basement they called a nightclub. It was hot, a humid kind of heat that filled your lungs and left a stickiness on your exposed flesh. The lights were strobing, the music pumping loudly as the bass shook the floor. You felt nauseous, exhausted, and most of all, frustrated that Hotch stuck you here with Reid.
“I don’t really understand why Hotch would send me to this kind of... place... instead of Morgan,” Reid shouted to you over the loud music, looking around anxiously.
“Morgan looks like a cop. We need this guy to approach us, he’s looks for...” you trailed off, trying to find the right words to tell Spencer he wasn’t quite nearly as intimidating as Morgan.
“No, I get it, the unsub likes to be more powerful than the men. He picks scrawnier, weaker ones, like me.” Spencer smiled and spun around for you, trying to show off his thinner physique. You giggled at him and took a long sip of soda water, hoping to god this night would end soon.
“We can’t sit here all night, he won’t notice us over here,” you shrugged, letting Spencer know the unfortunate news that at some point, and probably soon, you’d have to go out and dance.
“I know, we have to seem fun, adventurous, I got it. I just... I’m not the dancing at the club type of guy,” he smiled awkwardly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.
“It’s easy, trust me. It’s just about feeling your body move with the music. Will you let me show you?” You asked, holding out a hand to him. He grabbed onto it nervously, following behind as you dragged him onto the dance floor.
He was still at first, awkwardly trying to avoid the other clubbers as they danced around him. He watched the closeness of them, the way they moved their bodies in sync with another.
“See, it’s not too hard, right?” You asked, pointing to the crown. “We can do that. Just blend in.”
Spencer modded, but didn’t say a word, just continued to watch, moving closer to you and moving his hips slightly with the music. You watched his body start to move, and he pulled you closer to him, your skin touching, your faces only inches apart. His body moved into yours, turning you around and pressing your butt into him. He grabbed onto your hips and pushed you into him, revealing a surprisingly large cock pressing against you.
He trailed his lips down your neck, pecking you so slightly it left you with goosebumps once his lips departed. Your hands were behind your head, tussled in his soft hair, playing with the curls and tugging slightly when he danced into you. He smelled like honey and mint, and the smell of freshly cleaned laundry still clung to his clothes. He turned you back around to face him, your faces now pressed to each other, hands trailing up and down.
“Kiss me,” he whispered, his right hand now grasped firmly on your jaw, pointing your head up towards him. “It’ll make it seem more real. Kiss me.”
You nodded in obedience, unable to resist this Spencer. You had never seen him like this before, not once in the full year you had been working for the BAU. He was confident, sexy... he was right in front of you this whole time and you had no idea.
You softly put your lips onto his, still unsure of kissing him. He didn’t give you time to adjust, and picked up the pace of the kiss, moving his lips aggressively. His hands were on your ass, squeezing tight with dominance, showing everyone on the dance floor that you were his. He bit down playfully on your lips, kissed up and down your neck and your jaw, your arms wrapped lazily around his neck, pulling him closer.
You forget where you were for a while, losing yourself in this moment with Spencer. It wasn’t until you happened to glance at your watch and realize the time.
“Shit, Spence!” You pushed away from him, panic overcoming you. “We’re almost five minutes past 11. If he was here, he’s gone now!” You groaned, storming off the floor and back over to the tables.
“Hey, woah, don’t worry!” Spencer said, rushing over to you and placing a hand on your back to comfort you. “I’ve been watching this place all night, there were no other couples here tonight that matched his MO except us. He wasn’t here tonight.”
“You promise? I can’t mess this up Spence.”
“I promise. Let’s call Hotch, okay?” He put a hand on your face and you remembered back to the dance floor, the dancing and kissing, and you jumped back a bit.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, turning his head sideways as if he didn’t think twice about what you two were just doing five minutes ago.
“Uh... nothing... sorry,” you stuttered, shaking your head and motioning for him to call Hotch. Reid walked to the hallway so he could make the call, and you stood exhausted at the table, your heart racing from all of the emotion pounding through you. You tried to shake the memory of him, how good it felt to be with him in that moment. How good of a kisser he was, how nice it felt to have his arms around you, his body pressed against yours.
You had always had a little crush on Reid, you were always attracted to him, but never imagined anything like this. You never imagined wanting him to take you back home and absolutely wrecking you. And that’s all you could think about. How good his lips would feel on every part of your body, the large cock he was hiding and how much you wanted to touch it.
Your thoughts were interrupted when you saw Spencer walking back from his call with Hotch, waving to you. He came up to the table with a skip in his step, clearly not affected at all by you two grinding and making out for twenty minutes.
“You ready to get out of here? Hotch is sending the car, he said we could go back to the hotel.” He said, motioning for you to follow him outside. You just nodded quietly, and followed behind, leaving as much distance as you could while still seeing him.
The car was waiting when you walked out, and Spencer was already at the door. He opened in widely and smiled at you.
“After you, beautiful,” he motioned, holding his arm out for you. You just giggled again, the same awkward and charming Spencer back again. You loved him just like this. But you were a major fan of the other, sexier side of him as well.
The ride to the hotel was only a few minutes, and it consisted of mostly silence between the two of you, and a random song playing on the radio. Spencer was checking his emails, which you were pretty sure was just an excuse so he didn’t have to talk to you, because it would be a really weird time to actually be checking your emails.
The car pulled up to the entrance of the hotel and you thanked the driver, opening the door on your side and stepping out. Spencer followed quietly, still not saying a word. You walked into the lobby and started heading towards the elevators, but felt him start to lag behind.
“I’ll, uh, be up in a minute. I just need to make a call,” he said, waving his phone to you.
“Okay, is everything okay?”
“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, Reid,” you smiled, not wanting to walk away for a moment.
“See you,” he waved, looking away after a few seconds. You walked to the elevator, impatiently pressing the button, wanting to go to bed and forget this night as soon as possible. You knew Spencer would never mention it again, but you wouldn’t be able to look at him without thinking about... all of him.
The elevator ride felt long and infinite, you were only on floor six but you could swear it felt like you passed a hundred floors before it stopped and let you off. You walked to your door, fumbling through your bag trying to find your room key. You walked into your room aggressively and closed the door behind you. You took a deep breath once you were alone, trying to center your thoughts.
You took a few steps forward, deciding if you should shower the night away or go straight to bed. You still felt the air of the club clung to you, and knew you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep until you washed it all off. You threw your shoes off in the corner, shuffling around in your suitcase for something to wear to sleep. You heard a knock on the door and rolled your eyes. A knock at this time only meant something was discovered on the case and you hate to sacrifice another night of sleep. And tonight, you really needed a night off.
You walked to the door, frustration seeping out of you with every step. You undid the lock and opened the door, expecting to see Hotch. But it wasn’t Hotch, it was Reid, a look of contemplation pasted across his face.
“Hey,” he mumbled, leaning on the doorway.
“Hi,” you responded sharply, trying to avoid staring at his lips.
“I called Morgan,” he said.
“Uh, okay... about what?” You replied, confusion lingering in your voice.
“You.”
“What about me?” You said, straightening yourself up.
“Apparently I didn’t handle tonight too well.” He looked apologetic, playing with his hands as he spoke to you.
“What do you mean?”
“Well... I probably should’ve done this...” He stared at you for a few seconds, his eyes peering beyond you, into you. He wrapped his hands around your lower back, pulling you into a kiss. You were surprised at first, your arms in the air trying to find their place. But you cupped his face, pulling his kiss into you, leaving no space between your two bodies.
You pulled him into the room, the door slamming loudly behind you. You felt his hands start fumbling with the zipper of your dress, trying to give himself access to your body. You tugged at the hem of his tshirt, your fingers moving up his stomach, lightly grazing each muscle they passed. He squirmed under you, your light touch tickling him. You felt him smiling through your kisses, trying to avoid laughing as you toyed with his flesh.
“Do you want this?” He asked with a serious tone, breaking your kisses to get your consent.
“Yes, I do. Do you?” You asked, pushing his curls behind his ear to see his face.
“I really do. I’ve wanted this for a while.” He smiled to you, pulling you closer to him and just holding you, enjoying each other for a moment. There weren’t many times in this life with your job where you could stop and be perfectly content with everything that was happening. But here, this moment with him, you truly felt content, safe.
His lips starting trailing up your neck, breaking the only PG moment of the night. You started toying with his belt buckle, and moved your hands down to his groin. He was already hard, and you dragged your fingers up the length of him. He shuddered into your, anticipation flowing through him. You pushed him back towards the bed, wasting no more time as you ripped his shirt over his head.
“Take your dress off,” he commanded, and you nodded obediently, pulling at the zipper and revealing your body. He took you in for a moment, his eyes trailing over you, paying special attention to each curve.
He starting taking his pants off, touching himself through his boxers as he got comfortable on the bed. You got on top of him, grinding your hips into his hard cock and nibbling at his jaw. He messed with the clasp on your bra before undoing it, allowing your breasts to spill out into his chests. His hands travelled up your torso to cup them, squeezing slightly and playing with your nipples.
“I want you in my mouth,” you whispered into his ear, grinding your center onto the base of his dick. He nodded his head, pushing the base of your head down to him. You took his length out of his boxers and ran your fingers up the length. He was large and thick, a perfect pink tip. You brought your lips up to the tip and kissed it slightly, warming him up to your mouth.
You wrapped your tongue around the head, flicking sit quickly in your mouth. He bucked under you, tangling his fingers in your hair and pulling at you with each movement of your tongue. You started to take more of him in your mouth, going deeper until his tip was hitting the back of your throat. He moaned and pushed your head down deeper, wanting to fit his whole length inside of you.
“I want you to ride me, (Y/N).” He said, making you sit up and stop playing with him for a minute. He sat up against the headboard and motioned for you to come to his lap. You crawled over to him on your knees, and he cupped your chin and pulled you to kiss him, your mouth still raw from his cock.
You moved yourself onto his lap and hovered your center over him, grabbing it into your hand and sliding his length into you. You were right, and putting him all in you at once made you wince. You dug your nails into his shoulder and he held you tightly as you adjusted to him. Once you were comfortable, you started rocking your hips back and forth, slowly digging into him.
Reid rolled his head back in pleasure, the feeling of being inside of you, knowing he had fully taken you over. He had his hands dug tight into your hips, pulling you deeper and faster every second. He was biting on your neck, shoulder, chest, moving his mouth across you as you bounced into him. You felt yourself getting closer to climax, your body preparing for release.
“You’re so fucking pretty,” he whispered to you, pushing your hair back from your face as you moved into him. “Do you like it when I fuck you?”
“I do. You’re gonna make me cum,” you moaned, moving more sloppily as you were losing yourself
to pleasure. As soon as you started to hit your peak, you felt his body shuddering as well, knowing he was close. You both finished within seconds of each other, collapsing back on the wedding in exhaustion.
“So... is this gonna be a thing now, or?” Reid asked, furrowing his brow at you.
“Why is that the first thing you would ask?” You joked, pushing him slightly. He wrapped his arm around you and pulled you close, kissing you.
“I could use someone like you... to help me wind down during these cases. It can be a bit... much.”
“Yeah, sometimes you need to literally bang your frustrations out. I’m totally down to bang it out with you,” you laughed, playfully fighting with Reid in between kisses.
“Well now that you worded it like that I definitely want nothing to do with you,” he laughed, pulling you into him and holding you tightly until you both fell asleep.
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dalliscar · 3 years ago
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i was tagged by @bowiepop ty darling 💌
who was your first favourite artist? depeche mode, bowie, duran duran, omd, rush
who are your current favourite? soda stereo, blur, virus, tokyo, lush, inxs, a-ha
are you into musicals? which ones/why not? a little bit. grease, hairspray and west side story are cool
are there songs you consider so special you only listen to them very rarely? many!! i'm lazy to list but there's songs that i listen just when i'm feeling really sad or extremely happy. i just believe that music helps change our mood, thats all.
what’s your preferred way of listening to music?  (time of day, medium, situation) all day, if not on spotify, then my record player
what would you say is the most niche music you listen to? idk really kskrjejjfh
what’s your favourite music related movie/tv show that’s not a musical? uh,,, i love almost famous, a few biopics of my fav musicians and documentaries about music in general
albums or playlists? albums!!!
favourite albums? oof, i think i could pass hours talking about each one ksjdjsjdn
is there an artist you’re trying to get into? theres a lot!! i already made a list of albums to listen, the thing is: im always lazy, when i start listen to music, i just think about recent recomendations friends gave me or my current fave songs,,, so yeah i need to explore more bands and genres
whose music do you find overhyped? idk if its because i used to listen too much and today is not my thing anymore, but hair metal. i do like a few artists but theres other ones that is just too boring or more of the same. i still like the genre tho
what’s an underrated song? such a tricky question skdjjsjd i dont know it depends
what’s a thing a bunch of songs do that you love every time? bass solos!! and really strong drums. recently i've been loving guitar solos too!! and i wont even start talking about synth solos cause i will not shut up
what song is better acoustic? to be honest im not a fan of 'acoustic versions', maybe one song or other but it's not my first option
what’s the worst song of all time? depends of the point of view, right? cause theres few songs i see people saying that its an anthem and stuff and i go like 'uhhhhh dude i have bad news for u, this ones bad !'
do you put individual songs on repeat? if so, for how long and how often? yes!! honestly, if i really enjoyed the song, i'll put it on repeat for 50 or 100, but im boring, soon i get tired if i listen too much so i give a break to not ruin my hype for the song
do you make your own playlists? if so, what’s your most entertaining playlist title? for sure!! i've made almost 50 playlists, but just 8 are open on spotify because im insecure lmao. im not good to playlist names but theres one called 'and she was a runway model' that is just my fave songs to listen while i do my makeup and other called 'br wave' thats just brazilian new wave/post punk songs.
headphones or earbuds? earbuds!!
do you always sing the lead vocal or do you harmonize sometimes? if you harmonize, do you ever invent your own harmony? sometimes i try some lead vocals but i rather harmonize cause i find my voice embarrassing
a musical confession: i've tried a few times create a acc on rateyourmusic or medium just to do some reviews, but i just cant, i mean, i am too sentimental that i cant make a long article with clever words saying what i thought about the song or album. i never see the technical side, but just the feeling the album caused in me, if was good or bad... i envy people who can do a review without sound a complete idiot who dont know how to talk (aka me)
now i tag: @musicacuantica , @andypartridges , @dedicatedfollowerofrock , @thischarmingjaz , @eleventh-earl and @carlpalmer if you guys want to 💓
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amari-ily · 3 years ago
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Playlist
deku x reader
word count: 508
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You sat in your small cramped desk, each second felt like hours upon hours. You stared intensely at the clock right on top of the huge board, waiting for it to finally hit the hour mark so you could leave the class. You were never good at sitting through boring classes, but somehow you always managed to receive a passing grade on all your tests. You looked at the clock watching the hand slowly move until....tick. 'ding ding ding' the bell rang as you quickly collected your stuff and rushed out of the class. You were so eager to leave the room that you accidentally bumped into Deku making you fall right on top of him. items scattering all over the floor. Your face turned a deep red from the embarrassment of falling on top of him, but also because Deku was your long time crush. "i- im so sorry d- deku! I totally didn't mean to do that." you stuttered. "(y/n) its okay, I should have moved out of the way faster, this is proof I should work on my reflexes which might be possible with some type of training—blah blah blah blah blah" Deku ranted on as he picked his stuff off the floor. Most people find Deku's ranting annoying or unsettling, but you thought it was adorable. You loved the way his emerald eyes sparkle when he talks about something or how his cheeks light up. "uh (y/n) are you okay?" you hadn't noticed you were staring but quickly came back to your senses. Deku looked at you concerned for a bit and then turned to the side to walk back to the dorms. While doing this he took out his phone and earbuds and handed the right bud to you. Your heart skipped as you put it in your ear. You guys walked side by side, close enough to where your shoulders brushed against each other every so often. You listened closely to the music he was playing, each song reminded you of deku. At first you thought that it was because you were in love with him and everything reminded you of him, until you realized that all of these were love songs. You smiled thinking that it was cute how this is the type of music deku listens to. You listened closely to the playlist enjoying every song more and more talking about random things. Once you finally made it back, you looked around the lounge it was pretty much empty. School pretty much just ended so most of your classmates were probably out having fun or finishing homework. You guys came to a stop and you pulled out the earbud to hand it back to smiling deku. "hey Deku, whats the name of the playlist? and can you send it to me?" "oh- uh- um- actually- so you see-" deku kept stammering and stuttering until he help out his phone for you to see. You looked at the title of his playlist full of love songs: (y/n)
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silverkoushi · 4 years ago
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haikyuu!! headcanons
⇢ scenario: how you’d spend the holidays with them!! | read pt.2 here! ⇢ feat. : suga, hinata, & kageyama (karasuno) x gn!reader ⇢  wc & warnings: 1.7k, none ʕ·ᴥ·ʔ this is me trying to psych myself up for the holidays aha... thinkin of doing more if i get the inspo and make it in time ><
sugawara koushi ୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ the holiday spirit with him is unsurprisingly soft and domestic!! he’s the kind of guy that loves to uphold traditional celebrations like the holidays, your birthdays, new years— things like that because it’s important for him to create memories that you can look back on many years later. you bet the holiday decorations will be up mid-november, so once you see him struggling to hang multi-colored lights along the exterior of your house, you have no choice but to laugh at him at first but eventually help him out!! his cheerfulness and child-like excitement nearing the holidays becomes contagious so the two of you start matching everything: penguin sweaters, (ugly but comfortable) red/green pajamas, mugs that have those cringey couple labels on them— basically, you name it, you and suga have two versions of it to wear/use!! suga would be in an extra-baking mood, too!!
if there’s a holiday party (probably at the school he’s teaching at) that you would be attending with him, suga will volunteer to be in charge of baked goodies! sugar cookies, brownies, donuts with cinnamon sugar, maybe even a raspberry choco cake roll?? the possibilities are endless with your pastry chef of a man, and ofc you make it your duty to help him out in the kitchen!! baking til 2 or 3am, sometimes just goofing off with the flour, cookie dough on the tips of your noses, and suga stealing a kiss (or a lick) here and there. all the while your favorite holiday playlist hums in the background of your colorfully lit home, pictures of the two of you hanging around a tree, santa hats bouncing up and down atop your heads the way you dance everywhere, his arms snug around your waist. while you wait for the last batch of cookies in the oven, suga has already prepared his original hot cocoa for the two of you, making sure he adds extra mini marshmallows in your elf mug tonight— you sit by the couch overlooking the decorated frenzy of your surroundings. and you know you made the right choice spending it with him. :) when the actual party happens, o god the kids love you!! calls you his partner for lifey!! sth cute like that and u don’t know if suga taught them that or they just made it up lol either way, you’re so very excited to see how the love of ur life interacts with his students as, you guessed it, he’s so so good with them!! they run up to him, bouncing up and down just to get a bite of his baked goodies and while he’s handing them out, he also gives them a handwritten card. for each n every one of them!! when did he do that?? you question to yourself, but when he seesn you giving him an incredulous look, he just sheepishly smiles and says, “when you fell asleep on the couch last night, i wrote them last minute.” o,, that’s why when you woke up, u don’t even remember lying down in the bed but you surmise suga had carried you all the way there too :’) 
they sing a lot of holiday songs, play those party games like trip to jerusalem or once the music stops, you have to stop dancing or you’re out type of game and just overall lots of fun filled moments and you feel thankful for witnessing such a pure, innocent sight right around the holidays!! ofc once it’s all done and he bids them goodbye with a hug, a hi five or a pat on the head, suga doesn’t forget about you and puts up a mini mistletoe by the door when everyone had left. he has that teasing smirk on his face and you’d do more than just kiss him bec of it but uh, you’re still in the classroom so you give in with a chaste yet sweet kiss on his lips. he returns it a little deeper, but you push his chest off playfully, and boop! him on the nose. “later, sir,” you reprimand lightly, yet cheeks blushing at your interaction with him in his workplace. he shows that toothy grin, and intertwines ur fingers together as u walk to your car and finally spend more time together again <333 his most favorite part of this season!!
hinata shouyo ୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ be prepared for a very hyper and energetic holiday week with this guy!! imagine you two are still in college, he has a break from playing professional volleyball to spend these times with his family. and he chooses to spend most of those days with you!! he is actually very excited to bring you home to meet his mom and (not-so) little sister, and it’s very nerve-wracking knowing that it’s an important holiday for them to be together as a family— and then you’re just gonna crash it like that??? BUT sho doesn’t see it that way! he already sees you as a person he’ll definitely experience even more holidays the next year, and the one after that, but in order to ease up the anxiety that has been building up in your system, he tells you of his extravagant plans for the two of you before going back to his parents’ house!! think amusement parks in the winter, ice skating in frozen lakes, walking on boardwalks with two styrofoam cups of hot choco for him, and a peppermint mocha for you!!
o, and if there’s some downtime with your adventure, he’ll drag you outside where the snow is ankle deep, tells you to take a picture of him in the cold, earmuffs hugging the sides of his temple so warmly that you find so adorable. you’re about to pull your phone out until you feel cold, wet, melting ice smacked onto your cheek!! “SHO, WHAT THE HECK—” you don’t even have time to protest because WHACK, one more snowball, but he missed and it got to your jacket this time. luckily, your phone was still okay but your boyfriend definitely won’t be once you find him as he had started running, your voice calling out to his name in the breezy wind. so that whole afternoon, you were seen having a ridiculous snowball fight around campus (you guys stayed in the dorms until you were ready to leave), laughing when you threw one directly at his open, cackling mouth. shouyo started choking on the snowball, but you were still wiping tears from your eyes at the hilarity of the situation. “STOTPF IM LITERALYLYL DYUINGGG” “don’t be ridiculous” “JDFSKFDJH” and that’s when you actually run towards him, patting his back rather forcefully because oh god what if you did make him choke and his family won’t have a son coming home this time around?!
while you worry in your head, shouyo had already tackled you to the ground, snow engulfing your bodies together. “let’s take a picture here, this is the perfect spot!” he’d chuckle, peppering you with winter kisses, sending shivers down your arms not just because they were cold but also wow, you’re so lucky to be with a guy like him during this season. suddenly, you anticipate meeting his family :)
kageyama tobio
୨୧ ˻˳˯ₑ*॰¨̮ you know what you’re very excited for that kags isn’t? his birthday falls on the week of christmas, and any other normal person would just think, “ah, i can just combine his gifts into one!” but for you that’s a big no-no. and kageyama knows it, and he’s flustered and shy because everyone in his life up until the point he’s met you had always just given him a 1 for 2 type of gift. not that he minded, that’s all he’s ever known in his life so when you promised him a big birthday bash and a special holiday gift, he’s scared for what’s to come,,, although, you know he’s not big on surprises or bigger gatherings, but you wanted to see his reaction as to how you planned it all out! in reality, you just wanted to spend precious time with your bf on his bday and an early christmas before he leaves to go visit his family :(
after tiring hours of vball practice and finals (he’s gotten better at studying, don’t underestimate this guy!) he sleeps in on the day of his birthday, not even realizing the night prior he’s turning a year older that day!! you creep up to his dorm with the spare key he has given you, place the milk and berries cake you ordered yesterday on his desk, and surreptitiously clasp the paper birthday hat on his sleeping head. the guy doesn’t even stir!! stifling your laughter, you pull out your phone and snap a picture of him and you together, your lips puckering to kiss his cheek and— you forgot to turn your phone into silent mode! apparently the click was loud enough for his eyes to flutter open, and when he realizes you’re next to him he feels a sense of relief, but at the same time the rubber around his face became bothersome… only when you start singing happy birthday did it dawn on him… and he can’t get mad, it’s you, how can he??
you eat a piece of the milk n berries creme cake on his bed, talking about the day you’re gonna spend with him.. and you ask what he wants to do bec it’s his special day!! this gets him blushing since he thought you had this elaborate party with lots of people come, and now he feels guilty and grateful as to how thoughtful you’re being for him… he asks if he can sneak in a practice session for vball for at least an hour and you agree, guessing that would’ve come up sooner or later. anyway, aside from that his birthday was spent strolling around the town center near campus, snow underneath your boots and snowflakes showering your hair,,, he places his beanie on yours so it doesn’t get messed up and you thank him with a nose kiss… rudolph, is that you??
you take him to shops so you can buy matching sweaters <3 and he OBLIGES, seeing the gleeful expression in your eyes and smile, how can he resist the beauty radiating off you today? this is the best birthday gift he can ask for. you end the day by grabbing some milk tea, spending the rest of the night getting cozy under blankets, and watching cheesy romcoms to which kags just shields his eyes away… the embarrassment!! >< you end up sleeping in his arms, the ending credits with christmas music playing in the background. the next day, you both wear your holiday outfits (he has polar bear and yours is a panda!!) and take lots of pictures bec you know you’ll miss him when he goes back home :(( he immediately makes one of the selfies u took as his lockscreen: the two of you squish yourselves in between the snowman you both created. your face is lit up with utmost happiness, and kags is just looking at you with a loving grin to his smile as well. :)
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