#omg i'm realizing i don't even have a title for this yet Hold On

[dylaneon]

birthday sex in stalag fic has gone in a direction i did not originally plan out for

“‘S cold.” John whispers, and the sudden extra pressure of breath on Gale’s neck sends another shiver down his spine, despite the warmth of it. Does he say something back? Pretend he’s asleep? John probably knows he’s still awake too, just like how Gale can tell.

“Just a bit.” Gale breathes, voice shaking as it comes out. He hopes John thinks it’s from the cold. They both know it isn’t, know that John can read Gale inside and out. 

Sometimes he hates that, hates that someone knows every minute detail about him. He’s supposed to be stone-cold Cleven, just like his father wanted. Supposed to be a sort of riddle, one that no one has any real answers for, unpredictable and all-knowing. But, there’s also a comfort in someone being able to give him exactly what he needs when he needs it, someone that can understand him. It’s terrifying that it ended up being John.

[hinamie]

oh my god ok so i know im late I didn't talk about it because it happened during one of my Offline Eras but . but listen ok lisn the new former vandal album sent me THROUgh the FUCKINNG ROOF to be fair i knew it would like i joked about going upstairs to listen to it and cry when it dropped but i didn't think that every fucking song would hit me so hard in the kokoro it made me wail because I too have immense religious guilt ANYWAY im gonna rant incoherently and at length now hope u all missed me

ok first of all gotta shout out the fuckin album title i knew it was gonna be devastating when I saw it . fuckin. divine interference????? music for god's playthings indeed i eat that shit up i was like yoooooo hes also got a bone to pick with jesus go off bestie <333

so former vandal are artists visionaries kings so ofc tracklist is all mythology n religion-inspired (lazarus/goliath/ouroboros etc) and i think its so cool that theyre all in caps until u get to the end and the final song is denial and it's in lowercase and maybe its simple but i was like ART. ARTTTTTT. and it made me go back and look at the tracklist of their previous album and I realized that the whole thing was about vices and unhealthy coping with an overwhelming and forsaken existence but then the final song was Get Right (still my go-to comfort song to this day tbh tbh tbh) and it's like an acknowledgement that ok maybe none of this is the answer and something has to change anyway wrong album oops back 2 divine interference

i made a point of listening to the songs that hadnt been released as singles first so the first song i listened to was Lazarus and tbh probably my fav song on the album maybe tied with parables and maaaaybe even icarian. BUT LAZARUS SLAPS SOS SOSOOSO HARD god the theme of not knowing how to leave something behind even when it's bad for you,,, both criticizing but also mirroring the actual story of lazarus in the lyrics being like "wow kinda fucked up of god for resurrecting u without ur consent" but also acknowledging that he himself is guilty of holding onto the things that kill him.,,, GOD ITS SO FUCKING G GOOD I FDFGSADFGDG

salt also !!! BANGER not quite up there with the likes of lazarus but it gets bonus points because a. i lov the idea of starting to recognize that you're coming into yourself n an identity apart from your vices n traumas and b. for having two of the most RAW lines in the entire album imo which is reaaallly saying something: "now that everything's bright I guess I'm fine/but there's an art in the dark that took years to refine" and "the spark of divine intervention/that I'm still terrified I've left behind" (ALBUM TITLE DROP ALBUM TITLE DROP) god these two just dont miss and i love it but i am far too neurodivergent to contain myself they need to give me a break pls i am v i b r a t i n g

ok gonna move into the Chill(tm) tracks I think with goliath as well as shame/rotten I vibe more with the lyrics than the actual songs because i prefer my angsty alt pop to be Upbeat thank u very much but can i just say. the lyrics of these two songs ESPECIALLY SHAME/ROTTEN LIKE ok first of all i love the tonal shift halfway through that manages not to make them feel like completely different songs it's just jarring enough like there's been an acceptance of sorts,, like omg same i too am like 'god i feel like the scum of the earth might as well own it a bit',, "the fear of god/the need for blame" fuckin bullseye ow,, "I starve to feed the parts of me/far from who i oughta be/tell me are you proud of me yet?" FUCKIN BULLSEYE OWW

I know i just said i prefer my angst upbeat but crocodile tears (very upbeat very rock wuaw) is probably my least favourite track if i had to pick but it does have a lyrical BANGER of an opening verse ("holding the hand that's holding me under" g o d) i think i just don't dig the overall melody too much and find the ending a bit repetitive fr my tastes,, who knows though it took a while and many re-listens for ouroboros to grow on me maybe this'll b a similar story ,, but then again ouroboros had the advantage of echoing mine own mental health and self-destructive behaviours shdgj

ok so i was crying from the beginning right but the songs that made me ugly bawl were growing pains (very similar vibes to get right but in a "i know that i'm healing" way rather than a "i need to heal" way) and denial,, but starting w growing pains,, my god idk What they did with the mic/vocals after the bridge but it felt like the music was being injected directly into my ears secret direct path 2 my bloodstream god I hadnt felt chills like that in such a long time and idk just the whole Mood of the song having been hurting for so long and only now starting to recognize the damage you've done but also appreciate the progress youv made,,, i have so so many emotions but DENIAL (its funny saying it in caps bc its the only track in lowercase getit getit) oh my god ths going straight on the list of Songs That Make Me Think About My Relationship With My Dad but also Songs That Make Me Emo About All The People I've Grown Apart From and i think its so powerful to frame a personal transition away from faith as growing apart from an old friend and missing them despite any hard feelings holy shit though holy shit . the first listen by this point i had already been emotionally devastated by the Whole Album so i was like ok surely ill get a break by the last song lol nope sorry i ended up crying so hard i think i gave myself a headache

I think I must have yelled about the songs that they released as singles when they dropped individually but it's been so long that i forget what i said but honestly parables and icarian are still just as good as when i heard them for the first time (when parables dropped i spilled my tea on my fucking notes bc i was vibing too hard),, I love parables' msg of accepting the lessons ur (traumatic) past taught u and how it shaped u as a person even if u recognize that that person is someone hurt and in need of healing and maybe that has to happen alone! and i know for a fact i've gushed about icarian (still one of the most gojocore songs Ever imho dont fight me on this) but now looking at it in the context of the rest of the album i love that it's first cause it really frames the whole icarus thing of having flown too close to the sun or to god and getting burned and that pain essentially being the catalyst for the entire Journey tht the rest of the album outlines (obsessed w the fact that the next song is jaded like fr having these two songs one after the other is literally "fucked around/found out" gsfhjsh)

but all that being said not to b dramatic but this album destroyed me it rearranged something deep in my soul and i don't know who i was before it but i probably wont ever be the same :) i literally love these two so much im so appreciative of them its so rare to feel so Seen by a piece of media so to have an entire album hit so incredibly close to home for me and slap while doing so????? i feel so lucky . this entire album feels like taking the first step to address years of hurt and self destruction it feels like losing a friend it feels like finding yourself and i just . i love it so much

[thatonespriteobsessedbitch]

Speak Now Taylor's Version Thoughts!!!

dude this post is longgggg

Mine TV:

Mine stolen version has been my favorite song recently so I'm really excited!

AHHHHHHH 20 SECONDS!!!

this is like better than Christmas to me

it's just the "ah-ah-ah-ah"s and I'm already crying

she sounds so much more grown up 🥹

I want you to know that I'm actually crying rn

I only just realized that SNTV is almost 2hrs long... it's ten now and I have to be up at six....

Sparks Fly TV:

awwww Sparks Fly's canvas is her singing it in Nashville 💜

the country twang 🥹😭

fun fact: this song makes me think of dean winchester

I would meet her in the pouring rain literally any day of the week

omg I just saw the SNTV post and she looks so pretty

Back To December TV:

I love this song so much

I can definitely hear the differences a lot more in this one

BRB crying

somehow this one sounds even more regretful than the original

there's a lot less of the orchestral strings which I'm kinda sad about

I'm sorry, her little voice shake on understand???? I'm sobbing

yeah there's def more guitar

Speak Now TV:

omg title track time bby

her vocals have matured so much 🥹

it almost sounds like 19yo taylor is doing backing vocals in the chorus

she didn't do the giggle??

Ok she's forgiven, somehow the bridge got better

nvm I thought the giggle was in a different spot, it's still there

Dear John TV:

side-eyes john mayer

tears just tears 😭😭

the way she says "I should've know" I'm bawling

I literally blacked out for that entire song

Mean TV:

dancing to the little banjo moment while still crying from dear John lol

she sounds so petty at the bridge lmfaoooo

The Story Of Us TV:

I wonder if she's gonna keep "next chapter" and "the end"

omfg she did!!! she sounds so good!!!!

pop-rock is where she shines

I love the guitar solo so fucking much

I love her "the end" so much

Never Grow Up TV:

this one is gonna make me ugly cry

the bridge is gonna kill me

I literally curled up in a ball and cried for the entire song

Enchanted TV:

I really hope we get more speak now on the setlist now that Taylor's version is out

the amount of joy the TV of this song gives me is indescribable

nearly bridge time

*the woman was too stunned to speak*

it's so good guys

Better Than Revenge TV:

omfg the intro is so so good

I don't mind the lyric change, I understand that it didnt reflect current taylor anymore

also it fits really well

altho I saw someone say that it was a fountain pen line in a gel pen song and I do agree

Innocent TV:

I made it to the first chorus before I started crying lol

I want you to know that I am fighting to get through this album for you guys, I am so so so tired

Haunted TV:

this one I'm really excited for

omg the echoing????

it's giving dark cave in the forest while it's raining vibes

the "I know" repetion?!?!?!

she sounds so angry in the last chorus and I love it

Last Kiss TV:

not one of my faves from the original SN so this is gonna be hard for me to get through this tired

yeah I zoned out for that entire song lol

Long Live TV:

I'm gonna cry (I actually didn't, idk how)

I want a long Live tattoo

I think this will really cement that

I can't get one yet because of reasons but by god do I want one

this song holds such a special place in my heart cause I associate it so much with my friends

Ours TV:

I think I've listened to the stolen version of this song like twice??

tbh I love the chorus but the rest of this song is kinda meh to me

Superman TV:

same category as ours

not my fave

Electric Touch feat. FOB TV FTV:

I need this song injected into my veins, oh my lord

taylor and Patrick sound so fucking good together

again like I blacked out for this song lol

When Emma Falls In Love TV FTV:

a piano moment??

it's giving folklore

"jokes about the ways this one could go wrong" me

"little miss sunshine always thinks it's gonna rain" ow

now I wanna know who Emma is

"takes on the pain and bears it on her own" again ow

🥹😭😭

I Can See You TV FTV:

I have heard a little about this one but all I know is that it's so it goes and dress's raunchier older sister

synths??!?!

omg this was written in 2010?????????? miss girl????

"up against the wall with me" 👀😳, taylor-- what?

I did not know she had this in her, holy shit

ok I def know why this wasn't on the original

"jacket on the floor" girl 😳

"start behaving myself" what the actual fuck?!?!!

I'm gonna need some time to process this lol

Castles Crumbling feat Hayley Williams TV FTV:

oh this is gonna hurt isn't it

I'm 20 seconds in and I know this is gonna hurt

this fuckin hurts

again, I blacked out lol

dude this is how I feel about my family, I went from being the golden child to being hated by my dad's side because I look and act too much like my mom

I only know like two songs by Hayley but her voice fits the song and she sounds great

Foolish One TV FTV:

damn I'm only on the first verse and she did not need to at me like that

god ow

"I will do my best to seem bulletproof" FOR FUCK SAKE TAYLOR JUST CALL THIS SONG SPRITE WHY DONT YOU

😦 -> me the entire time

dude this fucking hurt

the end made me cry 😭

Timeless TV FTV:

it came on while I was in the shower so I don't have any notes besides that it's an adorable song

[the-stove-is-divorced]

OMG THANK YOUU! :D The drive for the fic has tampered off a bit, partially since I kinda wanna restart it completely, and try it from a diff angle but I don't know what angle that is, y'know? I'm so glad you're enjoying and interested though :DDDD I FUCKING LOVE character exploration type fics and that fic has been rattling around my head for a while. Uh, draft upon ye, if ya desire it :)

Below the cut so the post isn't agonizingly long, haha!

Damian has been ambushed. 

“Father!” Damian had promptly screeched, taken completely off guard by the man hugging him in a grand, great spin, his smaller legs dangling as Bruce, well Blue, did so, joyfully.

He was even laughing. Like, loudly. It was such a deep, velvety sound, echoing off the walls. It was so strange.

Bruce, as the children of the manor knew, did not laugh like that, ever. Exceptions only came through when he was stumbling around as Brucie, acting drunk on his gills with someone clinging onto his arms and a glass of ginger ale fizzling in his cup, sloshing all over the floor. 

No, to the people who knew him, to attempts to make the man laugh, who knew he used his body like a tightly controlled machine, knew that giggle to Bruce was a twitch of his lips, eyes squinted in mirth. The subtle lift of his tone, a joke woven so deeply it took a minute to realize he’d been playing around at all. A belly laugh, was an audible chuckle, something he couldn’t stop from passing through his lips, or something he didn’t care to stop, and maybe, just maybe, his shoulders would shake as he did so, a hand flying near his mouth to hide it instinctively, to muffle it.

But there he was belly laughing and twirling around in the kitchen with a snarling Damian in his arms. The world, to the occupants of the room, has now been titled, shifted, or perhaps something became undone. And Damian was being attacked by these suffocating displays of disgusting affection. Dick, his only witness to his alleged despair, did absolutely nothing to stop this. Useless, he determined. 

“Uh, Bruce?” Dick merely blinked.

“Blue,” he corrected. 

And he did eventually stop, just to plant a kiss on Damian’s forehead, then another on his cheek, quick as a viper, and held him even then, simply moving around the kitchen now. 

Trembling with a furious outrage, Damian stares at Blue with so many emotions bouncing between each other, mostly flavors of rage and embarrassment, it’s hard to tell what’s in his mind, if it isn’t just internal screaming. But he had yet to actually and audibly scream, wiggle out of the hold, or frankly bite him, so Blue kept holding him. The others were grown, taller, heavier, sure, but he couldn’t lift them unless they were injured, offering a shoulder as they stumbled somewhere safe. He physically could, but the display of such a thing was scattered, held back by necessity, a perfect moment which was few and far in-between.

This, though, this was remarkably pleasant. 

“Father is possessed, Grayson,” Damian hissed, voice low. “Inform the others. Clearly, I have been entrusted with the responsibility of distracting him.” 

“Not possessed.” Blue hummed.

He looked perfectly pleased with himself, looking away from them all to open the fridge, take out a carton of ice cream, whip out a spoon from the cabinets, the two, and some bowls. 

“The possession runs deep enough to instill the ridiculous delusion of free will. We must act quickly, and—Grayson, get off your phone!”  

“Well according to Tim, this isn’t possession, it’s magic. So far not harmful, just weird. This is Bruce, but not Bruce, but a part of Bruce. Some sort of,” and he squints at the phone, “Personified aspects of his psyche all ruled by some kind of main emotion or line of thought. This one is… childish? And a hugger.” 

“I prefer impulsive, personally.” 

“Your preference will be ignored unless you unhand me this instant.” 

Blue, having finished making three bowls of ice cream, promptly obliged, closing the fridge with his hip after finishing with some whip cream. 

Dick snagged one immediately, pleased. His bowl had peanut butter chocolate chips. Damian was offered his, to which he took with a scowl. 

“If this is an apology, it’s acceptable, but I have further demands to make up for my damaged psyche.”

“Name ‘em.” Blue said with a mouthful of ice cream.

Dick’s eyebrows raised, he and Damian sharing a quick look. Instantly, Damian began to haggle. “I demand two snakes as appropriate compensation, equal in value for such emotional damages.” 

 “Non-venomous.” Dick interjected, earning quite the glare from Damian. “He wants non-venomous snakes.” 

“As if I am incapable of caring for venomous snakes? Watch your tongue, Grayson. All of the animals here are well cared for, and I would ensure no one sustained an injury.” Then, a beat after. “No matter if they deserved it.” 

“Uh huh, real quick question here, you’re not sick of one of them on anybody or threaten to use its venom for anything at all?” 

“No.” Damian injected, far too quickly. 

Dick gave Blue a look, but he simply shrugged. “Well, why not?”

Both of them whipped their heads around at him, Damian delighted, and Dick quite frankly aghast. 

“Venomous snakes in this house? Bruce, you’re not thinking about this clearly.” 

“You want them, and I don’t mind you having them. I had frogs as a child,” he offers.“I miss them, but I’ve been far too busy to attend any more.” 

“You had acquired frogs?” 

“You’re seriously going to—” but Dick paused back again, glancing back at the phone, snapping his fingers once and then pointing at Blue. “You’re driven by impulsivity.” It wasn’t a question. “Whatever this magic is doing to you, or this version of you, you’re not thinking these through at all. It’s why you’re acting like this.” 

“Father is thinking perfectly clearly, Grayson, he can understand the weight of such a responsibility and he clearly entrusts me to attend to such delicate creatures.” 

“Oh? And he was acting perfectly normally when he laughed like that?”

“If Tim is to be believed then yes, he may be prone to the incidental whims of magic, that much is obvious, but he’s clearly capable of dismissing such influences when he made that decision!”

Blue, explicitly being talked about in front of him, felt himself grow bored, grabbing his bowl and quietly left the room. Shoving a large spoonful in his mouth, he swallowed back a shiver, teeth protesting from the shock of such a frosty touch. Mood worsened by the second, he spots Lavender, and swears if the sheep dog tries pulling him back towards the cave, he frankly cannot promise there won’t be a bruise on his jaw. 

“What did you do?” Lavender whispers. 

But so far, that’s all he can do, speak so softly, hushed, afraid to be heard yet unafraid to yank him by the wrist or chase him down for what? 

“Ice cream.” And Blue shoves the bowl in his face, before frankly turning back and heading towards his room, or their room.

He knows Lavender is going to hover and watch him like a hawk if he so much as tries interacting with anybody else, and as the irritation settling underneath his skin is a simmer hot enough to break out into a bubbling boil. It rakes and claws at his soul, fractured and concentrated as it may be, pushed by this itchy sense of wrongness, as his brain twists itself into knots trying to scrap out some much needed joy. He shoves more ice cream in his mouth. Lavender followed behind that awful little shadow. 

“Father!” Damian calls, intercepting him by the other end of the hall, pulling to a startled stop as the picture of both Blue and Lavender truly settles upon his mind. 

Dick, merely seconds after, pauses just as quickly, but recovers far faster, whipping out his phone.

“And you’re one of the others, right? Anxious?” 

Lavender offers a sharp, short nod. Blue scoffs.

------ -> Alrighty Author's Notes Time: Blue, as ya prob can guess, is way more affectionate 'cause he is Bruce's whims and human impulses! But in terms of gritty details, he doesn't have Bruce's patience (that's with Hope), so anything uninteresting to him means he's moving to the nearest whim! Possibly OOC, I know, but it's the intrinsic human part of Bruce y'know? The urge to walk out of a meeting when it's boring. The random craving for ice cream. All that different parts of you that just want joy! By proxy, Blue is quickly irritated by anything that doesn't bring joy to him, moving onto the next thing.

I haven't'' gotten to this part of the fic, and maybe I will one day, but without the worry, selflessness, or loathing the other parts have, Blue will make a dramatic spectacle about being forced back together into Whole Normal Bruce, just to avoid it, knowing how much the other three dislike the horrible attention on themselves, and this new apparent dysfunction. He'll shout, flee, spit curses, expose secrets, etc if it means he can finally indulge in what he's been starving for. Which is so fun to me because it really exposes how often Bruce doesn't give himself small joys, too busy running himself to the ground to remember he's a person to protect too! Like, Blue is also what little self preservation he has. No wonder he's pissed about being Batman, he's got every injury under the sun!

Thank you so much for saying you enjoyed, hopefully come back to this one day. :)

*seeing the possible nicknames: Ships and Sails* Hmmmm, uh, how about we combine them for the ultimate irony? Since you don't like shipping, how about Sailing Ships?

Have you planned out the future plot of kintsugi? Of course, nothing is set in stone and you can change it whenever but what are your plans at this point of time? I'm very curious 👀👀

Oh my goodness, this is so perfect??? It honestly has the exact kind of vibe to be a mlp pony name, and I adored that show so absolutely, yes! I am Sailing Ships, who dislikes shipping, now and forever thank you. Irony my beloved!!! (*´▽`*) ♡♡♡

And sort of! Most fics have a general point of conflict I wanna reach and/or moments I wanna build up to and write the story along the way, so 98% isn't planned, but 2% I really want to reach for. Tysm for asking btw, I love chatting about fic ideas!!! (´,,•ω��,,)♡

The main eventual conflict is that fact a) Chill/Blue doesn't want to go back together and become One Whole Bruce Wayne because this specific part of Bruce doesn't like being Batman. He's actually one of the few aspects with some actual self preservation, and simply put: it's exhausting, it feels futile, it's painful, and he's done enough. As the personification of indulgences and whims, Chill/Blue wants to indulge in the idea of retirement, putting his feet up, doing what he wants, eating what he wants, and rejecting the hard standards and restrictions Bruce puts himself on. He wants to indulge in the joys he feels he's been neglecting to be Batman, he's tired of the sacrifice and efforts it takes to maintain on a constant basis.

As you can probably guess, b) the others hate this. Hope/Gold is what made Batman and what saved Bruce from despair by giving him something to work towards, Crimson would be frustrated by the idea of doing nothing at all when he could be doing something, and Lavender couldn't stand the idea of how many people could get hurt by sitting idly by. Both Lavender and Crimson don't like Blue, and frankly wouldn't mind if he wasn't part of the Whole Bruce Wayne anymore, and while Hope can appreciate anything by nature, he isn't exactly gonna run and demand for Blue to stay. But the conflict is the all of them have to be together for the whole Bruce to come back.

And gosh, if you don't mind the ramble I love having character study types fics like these! Because it's demonstrating there is a part of Bruce that can understand he is, objectifying, overworking himself and sacrificing his own life for a meaningful cause, it's selfless for others, but arguably self destructive it taken way too far. It's not good, it's not pleasant, but when there's so many reasons to keep going, (like Hope, Lavender, and Crimson each think about), who cares about the small part of him desperate for sleep? If he has to stay in perfect shape, who cares about the craving for popcorn or ice cream he has? If he has a city to save, who cares if his spine hurts so badly, or his knees ache, or his body is still bruised? Bruce, Batman, to me, is a character who probably give anything to anyone who needs it, and yet deny himself the same generosity at the same time.

I also want moments of Blue bonding with one of the kids, or something of the like. Confessing about how much he likes heights, how much he loves the rain, being strangely, perhaps jarringly open, because he's not afraid of sharing the wrong thing, or how carefully he has to think about what to say, because words are so meaningful to him. I want to show how harsh Crimson will be with other aspects of Bruce, but loathe being that harsh with others. Stuff like that! :D

AGAIN TYSM FOR SHOWING INTEREST! I love yapping about fic ideas and fic plots and the like, teehee. (´꒳`)♡ I should have a chapter out hopefully soon????

[shinahbee]

December favorites 2020!

------------------------------------------

GREETINGS

------------------------------------------

 Hello,

 So we have finally reached another year happy 2021! let's all hope this year will be kind to us, as I have mentioned in my previous favorites post, I finished my work term and now will be working on my art more

so please look out for more art coming soon!

also this maybe a little too early to think of but I was thinking of opening an etsy store to sells stickers/ keychains, this was a project that was on my mind for many years actually, but I have never really considered starting it

Please let me know if any of you would be interested if I do start one.

I would also like some ideas as to what type of characters from what show would you like to see merchandise from. I know there are some franchises that are not well known and most people wouldn’t be able to find so much as a fanart of that particular character/show

so if you could all let me know what you’d like to see in the shop I will highly consider it, with that being said I don't have any anime recs this month, mainly cause I was very busy in the month of December and have not watched any dramas or anime in a while,

so just a heads up, that part will not be included this month. The only thing I was watching is bunch of end of the year award shows, so like the drama awards and melon music awards and MAMA awards...haha that seems really boring to discuss so i'll skip that.

My friend and I were discussing and thought that they should rename these music awards as the BTS awards because they won so many lol.

 --------------------------------------------

MANHWA/MANGA/WEBTOONS

--------------------------------------------

 This section of the favorites is on fire! you don’t even know how far deep the rabbit hole i`ve dug myself into.

I finally was able to save my progress and crawl back up to list a few of my favorites/ updates of the old favorites and a special segment to ones that triggered a raging response due to utter frustration

Let’s start with a review of the manhwa I have read and discussed so far

 Recap:

 1) Whose baby is it? (ongoing)

2) Social temperature (ongoing)

3) Salad days (ongoing)

4) To be or not to be (ongoing)

5) Path to you (completed)

6) Here u are (completed)

7) BJ alex (completed)

8) No way, vampires don't exist (ongoing)

 so some updates on the previous ones that I have listed out so far, with the exception of the completed ones.

 1) Who's baby is it? ; last time I read up to chapter 72 and now they have up to chapter 126 and I have to say so much more has happened in terms of story and relationship development and I especially love the development between

yi yun and his relationship with jinyao, they are acting more and more like a married couple without even knowing it. You see a gradual change within the two of them that shifts from being very comfortably being able to talk about their problems to one another to

physical touches that would make them  both nervous, I don't mean physical in a sexual way...it's not at that point yet, it's just holding hands and being near each other makes them, nervous and as an audience I felt that nervous energy

and it makes as the audience appreciate the development even if it is slow, it becomes more realistic over time.

Needless to say, I am still a giant fan girl of this author and her story and I can't wait to see this week’s chapter

 2) social temp; I said that I have read the novel so I pretty much knows what happened in the new chapters that were just out, this manhwa is updating a little slow so I have to wait to really comment

When they go further, there is a scene soon that will be the turning point of their relationship so I am excited to see that in the manhwa

 3) salad days; There is also a slow development here as well in terms of relationship building, so far they are working on their careers as professionals and dealing with bullying and jealousy from their peers

But it's all part of life so I appreciate that the author included these aspects as an important part of the story and not just focusing on romance alone.

 4) To be or not to be; you'd think a person who had studied Chinese for 8 years would be able to read the raws....nope,LOL

So far the story is going into a good direction so I'm hoping to see how this new development will play out in their relationship

 5) no way vampires don't exist; I have and fanart and long post dedicated to this alone, so please refer to those for more details. I am happy this is updating again and hopefully all of it will be translated in no time for others to enjoy

 -----------------------------------------------

Welcome to heaven

-----------------------------------------------

Okay so that is all for the old ones that I have read, I will include updates throughout my favorites now and then if it is still ongoing.

now let's look at some new ones that I have found this month, these are just a few of the ones I selected out to talk about, but I have read much more as I have said and these were the ones that were the most memorable

 1) Unintentional love story- "Wonyoung gets unjustly suspended from work after getting caught up in a corruption scandal. But when he accidentally discovers the chairman's favorite artist Yoon Taejun living under an alias, he is tasked with a tricky new mission. Could this be Wonyoung's chance to get his job back?"

 This is the summary from the licensed lezhin website, and it pretty much sums up the story, it is still ongoing right now so I can only comment on how I feel about it so far.

I really like this story its really straight forward and focuses mainly on the two characters and how their relationship went from business partners to eventual lovers

it has minimal drama and works on moving the relationship buildup between the two main characters and I really appreciate that, it makes me less frustrated, since you know there is always that one a-hole that will never take no for an answer

i will discuss that later for the other ones I plan to discuss. But so far the story is straight forward and cute, and I really like wonyoung he is really adorable. This is a manhwa but not in the form of a webtoon, so it's black and white and read in traditional manga style

if you like a straight forward story and development please give this a read, you will enjoy it.

 2) Karasugaoka Don't Be Shy!! - "Sou Izuhara, the leader of the crime prevention group "VOICE" that protects east Karasugaoka, realizes he's in love with the man he keeps butting heads with and leader of the rival group "Karasukai," Tetsuji Shinba...!?"

 omg finally a manga recommendation? lol. you have no idea how much trouble I had remembering the title of this manga, I didn’t save it into my bookmarks and I usually did that if I was going to talk about it in the favorites.

I went through 5 websites to figure out the name but at least it was found. This story is both comedic and cute and it was a perfect break from the dark stuff I have been reading, I don't believe it has been updated in while so I'm not sure if it will ever be picked up

but there is a decent amount of chapters to get started on. But as the description says that it is a story about two crime prevention group leaders, they look like thugs but they prevent crimes from happening, so like an anti bullying campaign that recruits volunteers. two of the leaders from the largest groups apparently doesn’t get a long

on the surface but one of the leaders Izuhara really in fact admires the other leader Shinba. they start to get along after shiba went to izuharas territory to take care of some suspicious activity on that side and accidentally discovers a whole new side to izuhara due to the fact that he wasn’t wearing his glasses and didn’t know he was talking to shinba

and invited him to hang out together for that day. lol. You probably know the direction this is heading; it all starts from interest in a person right?

anways, I never recommended a  manga yet so this would be a good one to read,it has a balance of a good romantic comedy.  

 3) Semantic Error- "Computer science major Chu Sangwoo is the epitome of an inflexible and strict rule-abiding person. While working on a liberal arts group project with freeloaders who don’t put in any effort, Sangwoo reasonably decides to remove their names from the final presentation. But he didn’t imagine how involved he would become with the person whose study-abroad plans were messed up because of that project. The involved person: the campus star who everyone knows, Department of Design’s Jang Jaeyoung. He has everything from skills, looks, family background and good relationships except for 1 big problem: Chu Sangwoo. What happens when an engineer and an artist whose personalities are like oil and water have to work together? Jang Jaeyoung is like a semantic error in the perfect world of Chu Sangwoo. Will Sangwoo be able to debug this?"

 this has got to be one of the most accurate portrays of an antagonist relationship start off ever, it was really comedic and relatable at the same time, if you are in current group assignments and are or have suffered the same as sangwoo, please let me know cause I know I have.lol.

there’s only 16 chapters so far and I believe it hasn’t been updated in a while either so I don’t know if it is discontinued or not.

I can't wait to see the development between the two male leads, because their relationship right now in the manhwa is really hilarious and worth the read.

side note, not that this will ever be considered as a k-drama but I would like to see sangwoo being played by kim soo hyun, because he looks like him in the drama it's okay not to be okay.

 4) Tied up in twins- " The story starts off with three friends Jiwoo, sohee and woojung who had been friends since high school began to developed complicated feeling towards one another, woojung had been in love with sohee and sohee had been in love with jiwoo who was in love with woojung, things turned for the worse when jiwoo got drunk one night out and decided to confess his feelings to woojung by going to his apartment, he found 'woojung' standing outside and invited him to go drinking, he finally was able to let out his feelings and 'woojung ' accepted them without hesitation. Jiwoo felt like he was on cloud nine at the moment and slept with 'woojung' that night after thier feelings were made mutual. Turns out 'woojung ' was not actually woojung himself but his twin brother sarang, not knowing this fact he spots sarang with a man from his past eunji that used to bully him during his military service which made him confused and angry that 'woojung ' might be playing with his feelings. Sarang then confessed that he is the twin brother  of woojung and both of them decided that that night was a mistake and that they should just forget about it as it didn't happen. Of course fate had other plans as they keep running into each other during difficult times and decided to become friends. It didn't take them long to be attracted to one another which lead them to end their previous relationship, sarang especially was suffering from his cheating boy friend's abuse and jiwoo with his one sided feelings for woojung. After a series of events sarang and jiwoo found that their feeling for each other were mutual and started to dating, which poses a lot more obstacles than either of the two had bargained for...."

 This is actually my very own summary since I can't find one for this manhwa, I also did and fanart and discussed why i really like this story in that fanart, so please check out my art for my thoughts on it! Shameless self promo....

 -------------------------------------------------

Welcome to hell

-------------------------------------------------

ooo now it's time for the fun part.LOL. Now let me just say that there is sometimes a fine line that defines what shounen ai and Yaoi are, sometimes stories is listed as both because one story that starts off like shounen ai will suddenly become yaoi

I define yaoi as a story that includes all the things that i'm uncomfortable with, which is emotional trauma from sexual abuse, sexual harassment and rape, physical abuse, suicide etc

 these stories usually include some or all of the listed above and could make you uncomfortable in many ways, so as a warning if you are bothered by any of that even a little please don't read the ones I’m about to list, because there is a lot of it and there are situations that made me really sick while reading them. on the upside there is a lot of whole heartedness from the love scenes between the two main characters, although it’s like pages of sex scenes, you know from reading that it is between two people that love and trust each other.

 so you have been warned, i'm not going to spoil it in terms of story but there is something these ones i chose out have in common and that is a SICK A-HOLE THAT EVERY PERSON WANTS TO KILL.You should have seen all those comments about calling sangwoo (killing stalking) to kill theses mofos and I could agree more, these disgusting human beings made me sick.

 so let's begin...btw these are in no particular order, I was going to list these from the least worthy of dieing to most worthy of dieing but you know in the end they should just all die...lol.

1) My Suha -"A skillful secretary by day and choosy cruiser by night, Suha is a young professional who’s in search of some no-strings-attached action. He hasn’t had much luck lately, though, since a handsome face doesn’t always match what’s in a guy’s pants. This might be why he finds himself wondering about his dreamboat boss, Director Park Jiwoon. But there’s no way he can mix business with pleasure… That is, until Jiwoon and Suha run into each other in the gay bar bathroom."

 so where to begin, um this pretty much includes all those listed above but it mainly focuses on the relationship between jiwoon and Suha, and it is not abusive and very loving in fact,I'm glad that they show the contrast between how suha's previous realtionships don't work out because of his trauma

and how jiwoon despite being an unwanted heir in his grandmother's eyes was able to give love and protection to the person that matters to him the most. So there's this scum bag...I even forgot his name but the red haired dude in this story he`s the legitimate heir to the family, who is the absolute worse and not only sexually abused Suha when they were younger and also emotionally scar both jiwoon and suha

making them feel incapable of being loved. I didn’t get a good feeling form him when he was first introduced and I was right...lol. But at least the comments section was in agreement; let me sum up my feelings in the form of this gif alone...

 you get the point...

I heard it was going to finish soon so hopefully these emotional scars can be resolved and that suha and jiwoon stick together to get through it all. That would be a good ending for them after everything they have been through.You really need to read it in order to under stand why these events happen the way they do but please remember that suha`s inability to feel love stems from the all of his previous relationships not lasting long yes...but started with this red haired mofo. I am never going to let this dude live, let`s just say that.

2) Crash into me- " Seung-chan is stressed. He has enough on his plate with the long hours at work, and now he can’t even get any rest at home! Every night, the lustful moaning and violent banging from the apartment upstairs keeps him awake. Just as he’s at his wits’ end, he chances upon the gorgeous, enigmatic Hyesung outside his building. Surely all those filthy sounds couldn’t be coming from such a pretty mouth? But as Seung-chan soon finds out, there’s a lot more to Hyesung"

 from that little description you’ve probably figured out what’s going on with the neighbour next door keeping seung chan awake right? well no surprise sexual abuse, after hyesung was forced to suffer from a ordeal that wasn't his fault the brother of the person that died made it seem like it was his fault and sexually assaulted him

and so this ongoing sexual abuse progressed for several years which lead hyesung feel like life is meaningless and he should just die, until he locked eyes with seung chan walking back to the apartment and thought of jumping out the window, because he had a strange feeling that seungchan who he has not met before would catch him if he did.

I just almost cried from what I just wrote...to think there’s is some a-hole out there that would drive a person to suicide like that just to satisfy his own needs or whatever...i don't even know cause it’s still ongoing...i don’t think any amount of back story will justify any kind of sympathy for this person..

from what I have read so far it seems so be going ending soon so i hope seungchan and hyesung will be able to get through all this and live in peace because of suengchan, hyesung was able to love again and find his worth and is able to fight for himself and I’m sincerely glad that he had met and trust him whole heartedly.

3) Dine with vampire- "Caught in the clutches of an abusive relationship, Sooin longs to escape. A vampire who finds human blood repulsive, Chi-hwan only drinks the blood of other vampires. When chance brings the two together, Chi-hwan makes Sooin an enticing proposal. Chi-hwan will help Sooin get out of his living hell, and in exchange… Sooin has to let Chihwan drink his blood. Will this proposal change both their lives for the better?”

 y'all don't even get me started on the mofo in this story....I’ve never felt so much rage from staring at a 2D character on my screen, the amount of times I hissed at him...you don't even know

like I have mentioned before ever since my twilight phase I didn’t consume anything vampire related in a while, I don't really care much for the vampire aspect but I guess it's still important over all

once you start the first chapter you will immediately know why I hate the harry potter a-hole in this story..he is despicable and that’s putting it lightly...but you know he doesn’t last long cause vampire tsukiyama (lol, not his name but they look alike) shows up and kills the mofo

and saves sooin who is the person who harry potter had been sexually abusing...to the point where you guessed it, he wanted to die.

chi hwan agrees to grant any wish sooin wanted in exchange for his blood because being vampire by nature he had not been drawn to anyone’s blood for some reason and had only consumed the blood of other vampires.

of course it was a small price to pay for sooin considering all the misery he had gone through. slowly sooin discovered that love was not abusive through the many times chi hwan...lmao i almost called him tsukiyama again...and he had sex, he discovered that it was safe and gentle and enjoyable

nothing that he had ever felt before, and so they became drawn to each other more than they thought they would to the point where they genuinely care for one another, though of course chi hwan knows that one day sooin will die and he will have to live on forever alone, thus the fate of his vampire blood.

 but here’s the catch..it's not a spoiler really cause you knew it was too easy when main villain dies in chapter 4...and he’s on the front cover...which means yes harry potter mofo is back...ugh...he should have burned his body...WTF and as a vampire no less..

i'm like great now look what happened, you should have chopped him up and threw him into the incinerator!

you know that saying " mistakes were made..."

anyways, now he's back meaning shits about to do down and i'm not ready to see it happen, right now they are going through his back story and i’m like sorry author...whatever you try to feed me there’s no way i can have any sympathy for this dick...

 so that's all i'm going to rant about for these yaoi titles...i had to go back and read some it again to know what i'm going to write about and i revisited a lot of things i’d rather not.I think the rage I felt was ignited again all of a sudden and I felt utter frustration to finish reading it again, what I am trying to say is, ya`ll need to read this once and that`s it...these aren`t stories you`d want to revisit.lol

so if you like this hell segment let me know and i'll continue it cause there’s an endless supply of content for this genre, I have a few more but i'll save those for next month.

and i'll probably come across more in the mean time to discuss, but I guess this is where fiction and reality divides, cause you know in real life if this crap exists absolutely no one will take this bull crap!

 --------------------------------------------------

MUSIC

--------------------------------------------------

 I have been listening to the Start up soundtrack and found a lot of songs i like from it, I don't like the drama and have not finished it, but the soundtrack is bomb

I have also been liking some old pop songs and went down the rabbit hole of 90`s pop songs...Britney spears especially

 ---------------------------------------------------

 so that is all I have for this month, I'm sorry its manhwa and manga focused, i'll have time to watch anime that I need to catch up on and start some drams now so i'll have more

to discuss in the next month hopefully, so please take care of your selves in the new year as well!

take care,

sheena

---------------------------------------------

SOCIAL MEDIA

---------------------------------------------

INSTAGRAM: shinb_art

TUMBLR: shinahbee

DEVIANTART: she-be.deviantart.com

---------------------------------------------

[eirenical]

Oh my gosh! I don't even...have the words, that fic was amazing! I just...okay im about to throw your words back at you because thats really how i express my love for something by showing my fave parts, so i'm sorry if this ask looks like a mess but, asfhaskjga, okay maybe ill try to summarize instead: the entire you weren't cold exchange & switching titles !!!! SO PRECIOUS. FAVE. He couldn't possibly need anything else. :,) Song Lan's gay panic. LOVED IT. I don't have any more room to gush; ty!

OMG, I hope you don’t mind me answering this publicly, but I need to keep this.  XD

@mylastbraincql reblogged your post: “SONGXIAO, Huddling For Warmth, be nice!!! (please please) (also idk if you found this out yet or if it even helps, but...”

#OH MY GOD OH MY GOD#WHERE DO I START #HOLY SHIT #I LOVED IT #THIS IS AMAZING #I LOVE HOW XXC ASFHASF  I DONT WANT TO SPOIL ANYTHING IN MY TAGS #I WILL JUST WRITE YOU AN ASK #omg shit i just realized that was all in all caps #but fuck i am SO WARM myself after reading this! #thank you!!! #ahhh! #songxiao #cloud readcesses #long post #but soooooooo worth the read 

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah~~~~!!  THANK YOU AGAIN, OMG.  XD  Never apologize for being a mess in comments or tags, because I am ALWAYS a mess in comments and tags, so I TOTALLY GET IT.  And I’m so glad you liked the characterization of these two in those little flashes of humor from XXC and SL’s moment of gay panic, because those were some of my favorite bits to write!  ^_____^

I mean, XXC always struck me as having a little bit of a minx to him, you know?  Like... if we’re talking parallels, HE IS THE WWX IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.  He has just a touch of the ‘imp’ to him.  It’s part of why he and A-Qing get along so well, I think.  HE GETS HER.  Whereas Song Lan is a bit more... stoic.  He keeps his feelings a little closer to the vest, so to speak.  And at the same time, he always strikes me as a little more insecure?  Like how he always looks to XXC first, the way they hold an entire conversation with their eyes before either of them speaks, and then SL always lets XXC speak first before adding his own two cents.  So, when he DOES figure out how he feels, he’s still going to wait for XXC to make the first move because THAT’S WHAT HE DOES.  But without being able to have that eye contact, that nonverbal conversation first, even when XXC does kind of... make a move, he’s still kind of flailing around in the dark (pun intended! ;D).

So, yeah, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR PROMPTING ME TO WRITE THESE TWO, AND I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED IT AND I’M HAVING ALL THE FEELS ALONG WITH YOU.  ^______________^