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retroaria · 3 months ago

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hey bby❤️ Can you make a one shot of Oliver A. taking his cute girlfriend's virginity? 👀

summary: THE Oliver Aiku ends up being your first. Is this a dream???

warnings: NSFW MDNI!!! fem/afab!reader, uhh dirty nasty sex!!! Idk what yall want me to put here you know what we about to get into. Sorry not sorry this was longer than you probably wanted anon, I’m new to smut!! I did my best!!

BLUE LOCK M.LIST | enjoy my little freaks 😏 - aria

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Oliver’s hands are soft against your skin, a stark contrast to the roughness of the kiss he has you lip locked in. His tongue taking hold of yours, teeth clashing every now and then as he has you pushed up against the door of his apartment. You hadn’t even told him you were ready to take the next step yet, and you know he isn’t expecting that of you. This is the vigor he uses every time he’s needy, yet he still holds you like water in his hands. It’s a version of him that’s always turned you on, clenching your thighs together, trying to ignore to pool of slick building in your panties. But tonight, you’re ready.

“I want you, Oli” you moan out into the kiss. The two of you have made it from the door to the couch, Oliver has his leg perched between yours, spreading them apart as he hovers over you. He pulls away from your lips and brings his down to your neck.

“God, I want you too baby” he says as he continues his assault on your sensitive skin, sucking and nibbling away at it.

That’s right, you say that all the time. You’ll have to find another way to communicate what you mean. Honestly though, it’s all too much. You’re sure of your decision but you need space to be able to tell him. For the first time in your relationship with him, you push Oliver off of you hastily, a soft spoken “stop” escaping your lips as he departs from the crook of your neck. “I mean I want more than this.”

“I’m only just getting started, don’t worry, I’m gonna give you exactly what you want.” He says as he lowers himself back down to your stomach, lifting your shirt and planting kisses on the exposed skin. His hands graze down to the hem of your pants, dipping his fingers into your heat. “Mmm~ already soaked for me”

“Please fuck me Oliver, please, I’m ready.” The tension was getting to much for you to handle, the words that came out of your mouth sounded desperate and whiney. Oliver lifts himself back up to eye level with you, one hand still rubbing gently between your folds.

“You mean it baby? Are you positive that’s what you want?” Every point of contact he has with you right now is soft, pouring love from his body into yours. You’ve never been more sure about anything in your entire life.

“Y-yes, positive.” You say as you wrap both arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss, deep like the one from before. As sweet as he was being with you, you wanted him to rougher, hoping that kiss would get your message across.

It must’ve done the trick because as soon as you pulled him down like that, he departed just as fast, pulling off both of your shirts with a haste you’ve never seen him have with you. It was almost like you had unlocked something within him. You reached behind you to discard of the bra you were in before bringing your lips back to Oliver’s. His kisses trailed from your neck down to your waist as he pulled your hips up in order to remove all the clothing keeping him from your insatiable cunt. You now laid completely naked in front of him. He picked himself up for a second to take in the view, running his hands up and down your sides before cupping your face and kissing you one last time, “so beautiful, gonna make this the best night of your life.”

Before you could process his words his two fingers found their way inside of you, thrusting fluidly in the softness of your walls, curling up at the spot that made you arch your back towards him. Just as you did Oliver’s lips caught hold of your clit. Engulfing the bud in his mouth, sucking lightly as he twirled his tongue around it. The speed at which his mouth and fingers moved was new to you, it was making sparklers go off in your stomach. All of your nerves vanished as you relished in the feeling of him pampering your pussy. “Ahg fuck~ Oli, don’t stop, don’t stop…”

He groaned against your heat at the sound of your pleading. “I wouldn’t dream of it, doll” he said as he swiftly changes positions, this time his tongue is fucking in between your gummy walls while his fingers rub tight circles over your clit. He’s totally devouring you. Lapping up all of your arousal just to spit it back into your seeping cunt, using it to make his tongue and fingers glide with ease, hiking you up to a state of pure ecstasy.

He’s doing very little to keep you in place, his free hand holding yours to the side. He’s loving the way your hips buck and grind against his face, the way your thighs clench him in. Its how he knows you can’t get enough of this, no matter how loud the cries you let out are, how hot the tears streaming down your face, you keep pulling him in and fucking his face. He can’t get enough of it either.

Before you know it your pussy is pulsating with waves of pleasure, the knot in your stomach slowly unwinding, setting off even more sparklers than before. You arch up into Oliver’s face and he focuses all of his attention on your clit, bringing you down from your high as he licks your cum directly out of your cunt.

He stops his assault on your heat to plant soft kisses on your thighs, his hands rubbing over your stomach. “Came so good for me baby, still sure you wanna do that around my cock next?”

“Y-yes, hmm please Oliver, I’m ready” you said between heavy breaths. He quickly got up from the couch to discard of his jeans and boxers, your eyes lighting up at the sight of his cock springing free from its fabric prison. You’ve seen Oliver’s cock before, you’ve given him plenty of blowjobs and handjobs. But the thought of it finally entering your needy cunt in its entirety ignited a fearful fire within you. Oliver could probably tell you were slightly nervous at the sight of it. He straddled you again, dipping three of his fingers back into your hole, stretching you out as much as he could. “Don’t worry, I’m gonna take care of you.”

His voice was stern. It reassured you, yet it still sent shivers down your spine. You watched through hooded eyes as he latched your thighs over his forearms, prodding his tip at your entrance, then up through your wet folds, nudging teasingly at your clit. The whimper you let out made him feel ravenous. Oliver had waited so long for this moment, to have you trembling beneath him, wanting him, needing him. His tip finally aligned itself at your entrance pushing in slowly. “Holy fuck, you’re so tight”

His groan caused you to whine as you felt even more arousal building up in your heat. The feeling of him filling you was painful, but so painstakingly erotic. You couldn’t help but moan at the stinging feeling of your cunt being stretched by your boyfriend towering above you, letting out the dirtiest sounds as his cock throbs against your walls. “Oliver, k-keep going”

“Are you sure, doesn’t hurt too much?” He broke out of his own trance to ensure your comfort. You nodded your head frantically, needing him to bottom out inside you so the pain could subside and you could feel him thrust between your velvety walls. Finally, he did just that.

“Feel so good around me baby, want me to fuck this little pussy? Hm? Tell me when you’re ready.” You took a few moments to let the pain wash over you. Oliver’s cock fully embedded inside you, touching places you didn’t even know could be touched. “Ah~mm, I’m ready Oli”

Once he got your stamp of approval he wasted no time pulling his cock out almost all the way before rutting back into you with force. You yelped at the sudden motion, hands going up to grab his biceps as his thrusts began to get faster and faster.

The sounds of sex was the first thing that caught you off guard. His hips slapping against yours, his groans and heavy breaths, the moans and whimpers you were letting out under his touch, seemingly uncontrollable. It was all so dirty, so pornographic, but it felt so good. Through it all you couldn’t help the way your heart swelled as well, despite the aggressiveness of his thrusts, he was doing just as he said, he was taking care of you.

You let yourself go limp under him, the pleasure soaring through you was enough to knock out a small animal. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any better, you felt two fingers press themselves against your already abused bundle of nerves. He worked your clit all while keeping the same pace and vigor of his thrusts. “Want you to c-cum around my cock baby, gonna make you cum, fuck~ so good…”

The sounds your boyfriend was making had you in a trance, you’d never seen him so needy, so flustered and almost distraught. He needed to feel you cum around him. His words made something erupt within you, your cunt involuntarily throbbing around him. Oliver had made you cum plenty of times before, but the knot forming in your lower stomach was unfamiliar. The sensation that cascaded through your lower half with every thrust of his cock into your cervix was a pleasure you’d never felt before. It all happened so quickly, your eyes rolled to the back of your head, a pool of spit swelled up in your mouth, your back arched and your hips rutted to meet Oliver’s movements.

As your orgasm washed over you, it also washed over your boyfriend’s cock. He moaned your name at a volume you’d never heard him reach with you, moaning as his thrusts became sloppy and his grip on your thighs loosened. He let himself fall down onto you as his finally thrusts brought him over the edge. He quickly pulled out and let white hot ropes ooz out onto your stomach and thighs, some of it dripping down into your heat.

The two of you laid there for a few minutes, Oliver recovered faster than you did and pressed soft kisses to your neck and shoulders, caressing your thighs. He reached over to the nightstand, grabbing a few tissues and wiping his seed off of you. Your legs were still lightly trembling and you couldn’t think straight after the orgasm you just had. You weren’t even sure if your mouth could work correctly, but without thinking much you muttered out a soft “thank you”. With made Oliver’s heart flutter.

“Hope I wasn’t too rough. Next time I’ll make sure my cum doesn’t go to waste like that.” He winked as he guided you out of the bed and into the shower so he could properly clean you up before the both of you snuggled into bed, engulfing you in his embrace. “You’re so cute, such a good girl for me, goodnight baby.”

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serpentandlily · 1 year ago

Text

Scared to Be Happier - Azriel x Reader

Scared to be Happier - Azriel x Reader

Summary: Azriel finds his mate in the Court of Nightmares and she is whisked away to Velaris to be saved. But when someone spends so long being beaten down and angry, sometimes broken is all they'll ever be.

Warnings: Angst, Smut (minors dni), Drug and Alcohol Usage

a/n: Heavily inspired by the song Happier by Yungblud/Oli Sykes. This one is for all my girlies who self-sabotage and break things because that is all they've ever known, who are scared to be happy because of the fear of the fall when it all gets taken away.

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A pounding on your door pulled you from your thoughts. You let out a sigh as your apartment came back into focus, mirthroot smoke swirling in the air along with the stench of whiskey. You stood from the couch, stretching out your limbs before moving to the door.

You had to kick a few empty wine bottles out of your path, the evidence of last night’s adventures.

When you pulled open the door, you weren’t surprised to see the shadowsinger standing there. His handsome face was unreadable, his eyes checking over you from head to toe. You smiled, lazily, his face shifting in and out of focus.

“Azriel,” you greeted. His eyes narrowed on your face.

You knew what you must look like to him. Kohl smeared under your eyes, hair in disarray, standing there in only your underwear and a large shirt whose owner you were unsure of.

You stepped back, letting him walk inside and shut the door behind him.

“You’re high again.”

His voice was deep, husky, as he peered around the mess in your apartment. You shrugged, leaning against the counter in the kitchen. It was the truth. You spent most of your days in a haze. One you sought after through the use of drugs and alcohol. Mirthroot helped numb your mind. The alcohol helped numb your feelings.

“Don’t act like you care,” you said, flatly. “Not now.”

Azriel let out a frustrated sigh, turning to face you. “I wish you’d stop saying things like that.”

“The truth?”

He stalked towards you, until he was so close you had to tilt your head up to stare at him. His hand raised, his knuckles brushing against your rosy cheeks. “It’s not the truth. And you know it.”

Your own hand climbed up his chest until it rested right over his heart, the heart that beat in rhythm with yours.

“I know what you’re here for,” you purred, ignoring his remark.

This was the game. Azriel would come here, pretend to care, if only long enough for the two of you to fall into bed together. Then you’d wake up and he’d be gone. And you wouldn’t see him again until he felt guilty enough to check-in on you again. After all, he was the reason you were here.

Azriel rested his forehead against yours, his hand cupping your check.

“I can’t stay away from you,” he breathed out. “I’m sorry, y/n.”

“You’re not sorry,” you whispered, staring into his hypnotizing hazel eyes. “You enjoy this. You enjoy being around someone as miserable as you. I know you, Azriel. Better than that family of yours does.”

“You know nothing,” he growled.

But then he surged forward and crashed his lips against yours. Like he always did when the conversation turned more personal. But you met him halfway, also not wanting to talk anymore. Not when the mirthroot kept your head so light. Not when it felt so good to have Azriel’s lips against yours.

He groaned, pushing you further against the counter, his hips digging into yours. His hand snaked into your hair, pulling your head back so he could deepen the kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to you. You needed this as much as he did.

The bond in your chest sang at his touch. Your body already reacting to him.

He lifted you onto the counter, parting your thighs with his leg so he could stand between them. His hard cock pressed against your barely covered center, causing both of you to moan. He trailed kisses down your jaw, to your throat, tracing his canines over the fragile skin.

Azriel wasted no time, yanking your shirt over your head and tossing it to the floor, revealing your bare breasts to him. He groaned at the sight, running his hands down your body.

“You’re so beautiful,” he growled, before pushing you to lean back so he could trace kisses down your chest, taking one of your peaked nipples into his mouth. You groaned, twisting your hand in his dark hair.

His hand slid up your thigh until his fingers hooked around the seam of your underwear and swiftly pulled it off of you, leaving you entirely naked in front of him. He moaned, dropping to his knees, staring at your glistening core.

“Fuck, I need to taste you,” he growled before leaning forward and taking a single lick up the center of your folds. Your head fell back against the cabinets at the sensation.

“Please,” you begged.

That was all he needed to hear, diving his tongue into you. You writhed on the counter as he flicked his tongue against your clit, his finger circling around your entrance. Your hips bucked as you moaned, needing more.

Azriel knew your body, knew how to force you close to the edge so quickly with just his tongue. He knew the right time to finally push a finger inside of you, thrusting it in and out before adding a second one. You mewled, your first orgasm coming quickly.

Azriel cursed as he felt you fall over the edge, as you pulsed around his fingers. He stood, still pushing his fingers in and out of you as his other hand worked to untie his leathers. You helped him, pushing his shirt off and he yanked his pants down.

You stroked his dick up and down, licking your lips.

Azriel ripped your hand away with a growl. “I need to be in you. Now.”

Before you could blink, he thrusted his cock into you, hard and fast. You both groaned as he seated himself inside of you, wrapping his large arms around your waist and pulling you tight against his bare chest. You were both panting, the bond that had still not been accepted glowed at your contact.

Azriel gave you a few seconds to adjust before pulling all the way out and thrusting back into you just as hard. He growled, his head falling into the crevice of your neck as he set a punishing pace. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as he hit that sweet spot inside of you over and over again, cursing.

He pulled away, still thrusting in and out of you, to grab your chin in his hand, forcing you to look him in the eyes.

“Fuck, baby, you feel so good,” he groaned, his pace becoming faster, harder. “Your body was made for me. For me only.”

You fluttered around him in response to his possessive words. Words you knew meant nothing once this was all over. You groaned his name, relishing in the pain and pleasure of his hard thrusts.

“Say it,” he growled, his grip on your chin tightening. “Say your mine.”

“Gods, Azriel,” you moaned. “I’m yours.”

“Again,” he grunted, his thrusts not letting up.

“Yours,” you cried out. “I’m yours.”

His pupils were dilated, turning his hazel eyes black as he fucked you with a frenzy only a mate could. His free hand dipped between your legs, rubbing your clit. You cried out, feeling your second orgasm of the night building.

“That’s it,” Azriel grunted. “You take me so well, pretty girl. So fucking good. Mine. You’re mine.”

“Yours,” you agreed. The mirthroot made your head spin, the feeling of Azriel fucking you almost too much. You cried out again as your orgasm suddenly crashed through you like a wave.

Azriel cursed, fucking you through your orgasm, until he couldn’t hold his rhythm anymore. His thrusts became sloppy, erratic, as he chased after his own high. You reached a hand out, stroking down the soft membrane of his beautiful wing, pushing him over the edge.

“Fuck,” he growled loudly, burying himself inside of you as he exploded.

You could feel his hot seed inside of you. He pulled out a bit and pushed back in, making sure none of it was wasted. Your body was limp as he wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you, holding you tight against his chest.

He carried you into your bedroom, laying you down on the bed. Your head was spinning now. You blinked, feeling the bond in your chest tighten at the sight of him.

“Don’t even think of falling asleep,” he commanded with a growl, climbing over you. He caged your head with his arms, his mouth attaching itself to your neck again, kissing and sucking. “I’m not done with you.”

Hours later, you watched him disappear in a flurry of shadows, only staying long enough to help clean you up after he made a mess of your body. This was how it was. He would come here, take what he needed from you and disappear. It used to hurt you more, used to tear your heart apart. Now…now you were numb to it.

You were numb to most things, angry at the rest.

But mostly, you were scared. And you knew he was too. Scared to push this any farther. Scared to dive into a territory you weren’t sure you were ready for. You didn’t belong here. You never would. You might’ve been dragged out of the Court of Nightmares but you had never truly left.

Because that place had turned you into little more than ash. It had taken everything you were and crushed it, crushed it so thoroughly that you would never be able to glue back the pieces. And the High Lord and his dogs had been naive in thinking that they had rescued you, saved you.

They had not saved you.

They had not saved you because there was nothing left of you to be saved.

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One Year Ago

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The corset you were wearing under your dress was constricting, your lungs begging for a chance to breathe. The dress that was over it was hardly much better. But the High Lord and Lady were making an appearance today and so your father had the handmaidens get you ready, making you look proper enough to be in the Throne Room alongside him.

There was a part of you that liked when the High Lord and Lady came, only because you were allowed out of your chambers for once. The chambers your father basically had you shackled in. You were his youngest daughter, finally the age to be married off, and he was worried you’d go and pull a Morrigan if you were given even a sliver of freedom.

The other part of you hated the High Lord and Lady. Hated seeing their smug faces, their pretentious attitudes. Even her stupid stuck-up sisters and the two Illyrians walked around looking down their noses at everyone who lived in Hewn City. As if you were all bottom of the barrel, the fifth under their shoes.

But your only crime in life was being born in this awful mountain.

That was enough for them, it seemed. They had no interest in helping any of the fae stuck down here that wanted out, that weren’t the awful people you were thought to be. It didn’t matter to them.

All that mattered was their perfect little city away from all the rats below. And you hated them for it. Hated all of them.

In fact, hate was all you had ever known. Bruise after bruise. Strike after strike. Torn out and stomped on after cleaning your own blood from the floor when your father was done doling out his punishments for whatever he decided you’d done wrong that day, time and time again.

There was a time you prayed to the stars for help.

But that time was over.

“Rise,” the High Lord ordered after making all of you stay on your knees for what felt like eternity.

You were quick to stand, brushing your dress down as you did. Your father was hovering right next to you, as if he were ready to snatch you away the second he deemed it fit.

Your eyes trailed over your two rulers before briefly passing over the Morrigan, Lady Death and The General, finally landing on the Shadowsinger.

He was stoic, hauntingly beautiful. But you already knew that. He was the one all the Ladies liked to pant over while their husbands were out of earshot.

As if he could feel your stare, his gaze shot to you and you went back to staring at the floor. Your father grabbed you by the upper arm, leading you towards the front of the room where the other Lords were gathering.

You spared a glance at the shadowsinger again, noticing he had moved now to the High Lord’s side and appeared to be whispering something in his ear.

You went back to acting like a pretty little doll perched next to your father. After all, beauty was the only currency females had in Hewn City. That was all your mother had taught you before she died.

Keep yourself pretty and then maybe you’d be rewarded with a husband who liked keeping you that way and would not leave bruises on your body.

Your beauty never saved you from your father’s hand though.

“Lord Thanatos,” the High Lord called out, causing the band to pause their playing and the others to go quiet. Your stomach twisted at the sound of your father’s name. “Please approach the Throne with your daughter.”

Your brows pinched in confusion as your father yanked you forward. It wasn’t the first time Rhysand had asked to speak to your father but why had he requested you to approach as well?

“My Lord,” your father said with a bow of his head. “Lady.”

He shot you a glare when you stood next to him frozen. You snapped out of your trance and gave a curtsy, keeping your eyes on the ground like an obedient and submissive female should.

“What is your name, little bird?”

“Her name is—”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” the High Lord snapped. “I was talking to your daughter.”

Your eyes flickered up, widening as the High Lord’s piercing violet ones landed on you. “M-my name is y/n, my Lord.”

You swallowed as he looked between you and your father. What could he possibly want with you?

“Okay, y/n. Tell me, do you enjoy living here?”

You glanced at your father to see his eyes narrowed at you. You nodded in answer, holding your hands behind your back to hide your shaking.

“My Lord, what is the meaning of this—”

“It is impolite to interrupt a conversation,” the High Lady sneered, holding a hand up in your father’s direction.

A muscle in his jaw clenched but he stayed quiet.

“And do you possess any power?”

You glanced at your father again, not sure how to answer. He had wanted to keep you a secret from the High Lord, worried he’d take you away once he found out what you could do, how you could benefit him. Instead, Keir and your father wanted to use you to secure a strong alliance with another court.

“A mere fraction,” your father cut in. “The girl can’t even winnow.”

You bit your lip, looking back at the floor. Your cheeks turned red at your father’s lie.

“Interrupt me one more time, Lord Thanatos, and I’ll have you escorted to a prison cell,” the High Lord growled before looking back at you. “What power do you possess, y/n? Don’t bother lying to me, little bird. I will know.”

You looked at your father again, his lips were pressed in a thin line, displeased. You looked back into the intimidating gaze of the High Lord.

“I possess the Clear Touch, my Lord,” you answered.

The power that ran in your family line. The ability to touch a person and see their memories if you were able to get past their mental barrier. The High Lord grinned.

“Good, you will pack your things and return with us to Velaris,” the High Lord declared. “I have use of you.”

Your jaw nearly dropped open and you turned to look at your father. His face was bright red with anger.

“What?!” He spat out. “You cannot just kidnap her. She is under my rule until marriage. And she already has a number of suitors, some of whom are supposed to arrive this weekend for negotiations. You can’t take her.”

Your jaw did drop open this time. You had no idea about any suitors. You quickly fixed your face back into an unreadable one when the High Lord’s gaze stayed on you.

“As far as I know, your daughter is of age now. Which means she can make her own choice,” the High Lord purred. “Which will it be y/n? Come work for me or stay here to be sold off by your father?”

The arrogance in his voice irked you. It’s like he was assuming no one would ever turn down the chance to work with him, to go to Velaris. As if he were offering you a reward. But you hated him as much as you hated your father. And you hated this court equally.

Marriage to a foreign male might be your only chance to escape from here.

You could feel your father’s heavy gaze on the side of your face. “I would like to stay with my father, my Lord.”

Shock flashed through the High Lord’s eyes for a second and your father grinned.

“Well, she’s made her choice, High Lord,” your father gloated. He wrapped his hand around your arm, right over the bruise hiding under your sleeve. You flinched slightly. “Now, if you’ll excuse—”

Suddenly, your father was yanked from you—the shadowsinger now between you and him.

“Get your fucking hands off my mate,” the shadowsinger growled lowly, his face dark and devastatingly lethal.

Mate.

That word clanged through you like metal against steel. The shadowsinger was staring down at your father, not even looking in your direction. Not even as a sea of gasps rang out in the crowd.

Mate.

He had just claimed you in front of the entirety of Hewn City. There would be no marriage now. No escaping this court. You knew what it meant to be someone’s mate as a female. He now had rights to you. You were his.

The blood left your face, your jaw clenching in dread.

Mate.

That one word had been enough. Enough for the High Lord to have you escorted to your home, made to pack up all your things to join them on their journey back to Velaris. You did so without a single word. What could you do? Even your own father wouldn’t look at you anymore. Not with the shadowsinger breathing down his neck.

And when Azriel saw the chains in your room, the ones your father locked you up with at night to make sure you could never leave, he had grabbed hold of your father and disappeared in a flurry of shadows.

Your heart was pounding as you chucked your clothes into a trunk. Once you were all packed, two females appeared out of nowhere. The shadow wraiths. They took hold of your trunk and disappeared. Your father’s handmaidens led you out to the sitting area where you waited for your mate to come retrieve you as if you were little more than some item he had purchased.

Azriel returned, his knuckles bloody and bruised. You weren’t naive. You knew it was your father’s blood on his hands. You should’ve felt satisfied at seeing it, but you weren’t. This wasn’t a victory for you. You were merely just a trade between the two males. From your father’s ownership to your mate’s.

“Come on,” Azriel said, reaching out his hand to you. “Let’s go.”

You said nothing, taking his hand as you were meant to. Shadows engulfed the two of you until you were being pulled out of the darkness and into a new place. You quickly dropped Azriel’s hand, looking around. It was a bedroom, simple but still opulent. You glanced out the window to see you were high in the sky, overlooking a city.

“We’re at the House of Wind.” Azriel’s voice came from behind you. You whirled around to stare at him. “This is where you’ll be staying for now.”

He took a step towards you and you couldn’t fight the urge to take a step back to maintain the distance between you. He held up his hands. “I’m not…I’m not going to do anything to you.”

Your heart pounded in your chest. You didn’t know much about the shadowsinger, only how he tortured people for information and came from Illyria. You glanced at his wings.

You did know about that. How brutal Illyrian males were supposed to be. How they clipped their females and used them as nothing more than breeding stock.

“You’re Illyrian,” you finally said.

He nodded. “Yes.”

“I know how Illyrians treat their females.”

A brief flash of anger sparked behind his hazel eyes and you berated yourself in your head. Fuck. You were already forgetting all the things your mother had taught you. Things every female in Hewn City were taught from birth. Never anger a male, keep your opinions to yourself, always say yes when they demand something of you.

“I am nothing like them,” Azriel ground out between his teeth, his fist clenched.

You swallowed, taking another step back.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, already bracing yourself to be hit.

But Azriel didn’t advance forward to your surprise.

“I will leave you alone now. Dinner will be served at six if you wish to join.”

And then he was gone, melting back into his shadows.

You let out the breath you were holding, looking around the room once more. Your new cage. Slightly better than your last one, but a cage nonetheless. You sighed and began to unpack your things. Might as well accept your fate. You were the shadowsinger’s mate. There was no escaping this now.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

You showed up at dinner, scared to anger Azriel even more than you had already. But Azriel had paid you little attention since you had been out here with all of them. Instead, he sat at the opposite side of the table, next to one of the High Lady’s sisters. They seemed to be engaging in pleasant enough conversation by the looks of it.

Good. You were happy his attention was elsewhere. Though your chest ached as you watched him exchange soft smiles with the other female, completely different than how he had been with you.

It’s just the bond, you reminded yourself. The bond you hadn’t even felt snap for you.

“So, y/n, how old are you exactly?”

“Eighteen,” you answered the Morrigan, who sat across from you.

At this, Azriel’s head whipped towards you, his brows pinched. Even the female next to him looked at you, her brown eyes filled with some indiscernible emotion.

As soon as they were all in Velaris, it was like a completely different group of people. The menacing stares, the cold voices, the disdain. All of it was gone and replaced with something warmer. Though they still watched you with suspicious eyes.

It only annoyed you further. Hewn City was something they could wipe from their hands and escape from, with no regard for those stuck there.

“Hey, Feyre, you’re not the baby anymore!” The General laughed.

“You must be relieved to finally be away from that place,” Feyre chirped.

Your grip on your fork tightened. If they all recognized how horrible that place was, then why did they insist on doing nothing to fix it? You weren’t the only one who suffered there.

You heard your mother’s voice in your head now, Always be agreeable. Say what they want you to. Don’t put up a fight or they’ll only hit you harder. Be gracious. Look happy.

You glanced at Azriel to see he was still watching you.

“Yes,” you agreed, like you were supposed to.

Yes. It was the only word you had said since being here at this table. It left a bitter taste in your mouth.

After dinner was over, they had Azriel escort you back to your room. You followed behind him, staring at his large beautiful wings. You supposed things could be worse. You could be mated to some ugly, rotten looking male. At least your new prisoner guard was handsome.

You stepped inside of your room, expecting Azriel to follow. Is this when he’d force you to have sex with him? You mentally went through all the steps your mother had told you about sex. About how much it would hurt, how it was just something you would need to suffer through in order to keep a male happy.

To your surprise, Azriel did not enter the room. But he didn’t leave either, lingering in the doorframe.

“You know, you don’t have to keep saying yes to everything,” he said. “You’re not in Hewn City anymore. You’re allowed to say no. Allowed to voice your own opinions.”

“Okay,” you replied, stoically. Was this some sort of test?

He let out a sigh. “You don’t want to be here, do you?”

You only blinked in response. He ran a hand through his hair, his beautiful face unreadable. “I’m sorry for claiming you in front of the court like that. But it was the only way your father would let us take you out of there. You don’t have to be scared anymore. No one here is going to hurt you.”

“I didn’t want to leave,” you said back. “I told the High Lord I wished to stay with my father.”

Azriel seemed confused by your remark. “Your father isn’t here, y/n. You don’t have to continue to lie. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

“I am not lying,” you replied.

“You…you wish to stay in Hewn City? You wish to stay with your father?”

You shook your head. Because no, that wasn’t what you wanted. But you knew you didn’t want this either. You didn’t want to be in the Night Court at all. You wanted to be whisked away somewhere else. No one cared for you here. That wasn’t how the Night Court worked.

“So you did want to come here?”

“No,” you whispered. “I do not wish to be here either.”

A muscle in Azriel’s jaw clenched. “So what do you want?”

Your brows pinched together. “I-I don’t know.”

You’d never been allowed to want for anything. You had no clue what was even out in the world beyond this court. You’d lived in Hewn City all your life. Had never been educated on much of anything. Not beyond typical things the females were allowed to learn.

Azriel’s fists tightened and then he disappeared.

You didn’t see him again until two days later. He showed up knocking on your door, telling you to pack your things. You did as he said without argument. Perhaps he was finally taking you home now to do whatever it is mates did with each other.

But to your surprise, Azriel brought you to an apartment that was nearly empty besides the necessities. He placed your trunk in the bedroom before turning to look at you, his face blank.

“You will live here now. I will not bother you, nor will anyone else from the court. If you wish to speak to any of us, you can reach out whenever,” he said, his voice ice cold. “I set up an account under your name that you can use to buy whatever you need.”

He was just…dumping you here?

“I’m meant to live here?” You questioned. “Alone?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” The disdain in his voice had you folding into yourself. “So yes. You will live here. Since I’m the reason you’re in this situation, I will cover the cost.”

All of the gentleness and patience he had shown that other female was gone, nowhere to be found.

“Okay,” you said, flatly.

He peered at you once more, searching. You kept your face neutral, not wanting to show the fear you now felt. Alone in a city. You didn’t know a single person who lived here. What would you do? What could you do?

“You know where to find me if you wish,” Azriel said and then disappeared into his shadows, leaving you standing alone in an empty apartment.

You spent the next month in a haze. Only leaving the apartment for food. Otherwise you just sat and watched people from your window.

Sometimes you’d see Azriel walking through the streets with the High Lady’s sister, exchanging soft glances, laughing, brushing up against each other.

You seethed at the sight. He had claimed you, dragged you to this city away from everything and everyone you’d ever known, and dumped you here alone just to parade around with another female.

Why had he taken you if he didn’t want you?

Why had he said anything?

It wasn’t like you could return to Hewn City. Your father would have trouble finding you suitors now that everyone knew you were the shadowsinger’s mate. Without having a use for you, you were sure your father would only treat you worse.

You were truly alone. You’d always been, of course. But though you held no love for your father, at least he had you taken care of.

Now you were on your own.

Abandoned by your own mate.

Maybe you should feel relieved that he didn’t want you. Seemed more invested in the High Lady’s sister. But it didn’t feel good either way.

Were you not good enough for him? Were you not worth the effort of courting? You’d always known your life would never be filled with soft, sweet romance. Not if you were meant to be sold off.

But to find out you had a mate, a mate clearly capable of being gentle and kind with females…just not you.

You were Court of Nightmare scum. A female meant to be used and broken and ruined at the hands of males. Not good enough for the High Lord’s brother apparently. Not good enough for sweet smiles or flowers.

Just something to claim and discard.

Something inside of you broke.

All the emotions you had been holding in were suddenly flooding out. So you finally let yourself cry.

And cry.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Months went by. You were sure how many.

You had been stumbling around late one night, trying to learn the city streets when some male had approached you. He was charming, handsome. Said he could tell you were lost and asked if you’d like him to show you around.

You said yes. After all, your own mate hardly cared about you. He never sought you out after dumping you in the apartment. Never checked in on how you were adjusting…if you even were.

You weren’t.

You hated this city and all it represented. Hated all the fae here who had never had to suffer at the hands of their own ruler.

The male had done more than show you around. He introduced you to a whole other world, one that was hidden in the underbelly of this city. Something that felt a little more like the home you knew.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

Present Day

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

You were woken up by the sheets being yanked off your body. You sat up, blinking the sleep from your eyes. You groaned, lifting a hand to your pounding head. Your vision finally came into focus, narrowing in on a seething Azriel standing at the foot of your bed.

Gasps came from around you and it took you a second to realize you were not only naked, but in the middle of several other naked bodies—two females and one male. You quickly pulled the sheets back over yourself.

“Get out,” Azriel growled at them. “Now.”

No one moved, too startled.

“Now!” Azriel roared. “Before I rip out your throats!”

That had all of them moving. But you stayed frozen on the bed, staring at Azriel. Silence rang in your apartment until they were all gone, leaving the two of you alone. Azriel tossed you a robe and you quickly shrugged it on, standing up from the bed.

“I thought this would be over by now, y/n,” Azriel snarled, moving out of your bedroom back to the living area. He grabbed the kitchen trash can and started stalking through your apartment. It took you a second to realize what he was doing before you cried out, rushing to stop him.

“What are you doing?!”

“This is done, y/n,” Azriel snapped, brushing you off him. “I’m done giving you access to my accounts if all you’re going to do is buy drugs and get fucked up every day.”

He grabbed a bag of mirthroot and tossed it into the trash can. You shouted at him to stop, trying to rip the trash out of his hands.

Didn’t he understand?!

You needed that. You needed the drugs, needed the alcohol. You needed it to shut your mind off, to keep the empty and depressing thoughts away. You would die without them.

“Azriel, stop!”

“No,” he snarled back at you. “This has to stop, y/n.”

“Why are you so concerned about this now?” you shouted, tossing your hands in the air. “You’ve never cared before. Why now?”

You stalked after him, trying to grab the trash from his hands but he easily pushed you away. You felt desperate tears line your eyes.

“I’ve always cared!” Azriel yelled. “I have always cared about you, y/n. But I thought you would phase out of this. I thought you just needed to explore your new freedom and get it out of your system. But you haven’t stopped and you’re out of control!”

You fisted the back of his shirt, forcing him to stop. “You have never cared for me! Just fucking leave, Azriel. This is my life. I will live it how I want to.”

“Not while I’m the one funding it!”

He glared down at you and you crossed your arms over your chest. “Then don’t! I don’t need your money. I don’t need you. I can find someone else. I can go somewhere else.”

“Really? You’d just fuck off with some other male?!” Azriel shouted. “After everything I’ve done for you?!”

You scoffed. “What the fuck have you ever done for me, Azriel?! You dragged me from my home, forced me here, and then treated me like I was nothing to you!”

“I was giving you the space you wanted!”

“No, you were busy fucking the High Lady’s sister,” you snapped. “Why don’t you go back to her if this is too much for you? I didn’t ask for this! I didn’t want this!”

“Keep Elain out of this! She’s done nothing to you,” Azriel growled, making you see red. “Elain is my friend. She sure as hell cares about me more than you do.”

“You know what? Fuck you, Azriel,” you said, pushing him away from you. “Fuck you. Fuck your High Lord and Lady. Fuck her stupid sisters. Fuck your whole stupid family! You’re right! You’ve all done nothing! Nothing! Just let us all suffer in that city while you all got to be happy here!”

“And what are you doing to help anyone, y/n? What are you doing besides getting drunk and high every single night?” Azriel tossed the trash at your feet, as if to prove his point. “All you’ve done is become a burden!”

Your breath caught in your throat and you took a step away from him. A burden? You were a burden to him? He was the one who took you! The one who brought you here!

“Then get out,” you whispered. “Get out and leave and never fucking come back.”

Azriel let out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that. You know I didn’t.”

You glared up at him. “No, Azriel, I don’t know. I don’t know what the fuck you want from me! You come here, fuck me and leave! How am I supposed to know what you mean?!”

“You think any of this is easy for me? You think I was overjoyed to find out my mate had been suffering in Hewn City the whole time I was living here? Do you know how much I prayed to the Mother for a mate? How much I wanted this? And now I have it. Now I have you and fuck, I don’t know what to do! I don’t know how to help you!”

“Well, you might as well give up now! I don’t want your help, Azriel. I can’t be helped! I’m not broken!”

“Then explain all of this!” Azriel shouted, gesturing at the mess in your apartment. The empty bottles, the drugs on the table. “I gave you a year, y/n. I gave you a year to adjust, to build a life here in Velaris for yourself!”

“Have you considered that I don’t want to?! I don’t belong here, Azriel. I don’t belong in this city, in this place!”

If I could tell you how I feel, I know that you’re still hurting too. No, I’m not broken. I’m just scared to belong here, scared to be happier.

You wiped at the tears pouring down your face now. Your head was still pounding, your throat hoarse from the screaming. It was too much. It was all too much.

“You know what I think? I think you’re scared,” Azriel snarled. “I think you’re scared to give all of this up. I think you’re scared to get better. I think you’re scared to let yourself be happy for once!”

“You’re one to talk,” you snapped back. “You’re just as scared as I am, Azriel, you just hide it better. But I’m your mate and I know how you feel. I can see it.”

“And what do you think I see when I look at you?” His voice was ice cold. “I see someone broken. I see someone so broken they don’t even know how to be happy. You never have, have you?”

“Have you?” you shot back at him. “Have you ever felt happy, Azriel? Of course I’m not happy! Why the fuck would I be happy here?”

The apartment fell silent as you both glared at each other, so many emotions swirling in your eyes. You hated him, hated what he had done to you, hated that you needed him, hated that you felt like you would die without him. And you knew he felt that way too, could see the anguish on his face.

Azriel whispered your name so quietly, you would’ve thought you imagined it if you hadn’t seen his lips move. He dropped to his knees in front of you, his wings drooping to the floor. Your eyes widened as he wrapped his arms around your waist, burying his face against your stomach. You felt his tears wet your silk robe.

“I’m sorry,” he croaked. “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t know how to help you. I don’t know how to do this. You think I don’t care about you, but you are all I care about. This whole world could burn to the ground and it’d still be you I looked for in the ash.”

“I am already nothing but ash,” you whispered. “I might not have your scars, Azriel, but I have been burned too. Everything has been taken from me. Everything. Of course I’m scared to love you. Of course I’m scared to be happy. I can give you nothing because so little of me exists now.”

“That’s not true,” he muttered against your stomach. “That’s not true at all, y/n. I don’t need anything from you. I just need you to let me help you. Please. Let me help you put yourself back together. Let me help you take away the pain. Let me give you a better life. Give me that chance. That's all I ask for.”

“I can’t.” Your voice cracked as he gripped you harder. “You’re right. I am scared. I’m a coward. I can’t…I-I can’t let myself be happy. I can’t let myself feel anything. It hurts too much.”

“I know, baby, I know,” Azriel whispered. “So let me help you. Let me in. Let me make you feel something. I can feel your anger, I can feel your rage inside. Take it out on me if you have to. But stop shutting me out. I’m sorry for how things started. I didn’t know what to do. I was overwhelmed, scared, hurt. But please give me the chance to make it up to you. Please, baby, let me help you. I can’t keep watching you destroy yourself.”

You fell to your knees in front of him, mirroring his position. His hazel eyes bore into yours, every single emotion he felt poured down the bond between the two of you. For once you let yourself show him how you felt. You undid the binds on your heart, cracked the barrier you had put up between the two of you. You let it all loose. Everything. Every single emotion you felt.

Azriel cradled your face in his hands. Kohl had made black trails down your face with your tears, your robe had slipped off one shoulder, your hair had half fallen out of your braid, but you had never looked more beautiful to him than in this moment. Because he was finally seeing you. The person you hid behind the drugs and alcohol. The person you hid between the sheets.

You were scarred, hurt, and broken. You had a darkness swelling in you that matched his own. You were the first sight of blood emerging from a wound, the torn pages of a book, the flame of an almost melted candle, the fog obscuring the woods. You were made of everything he was. You were his equal, his love, his mate.

You were scared and he was too. But as he pressed his lips against yours desperately, you saw a world where that fear might not exist. A world where you were happy and loved and whole again. You weren’t there now. You wouldn’t be there tomorrow.

But perhaps in the end, that’s where you’d find yourself.

⋆˖⁺‧₊☽◯☾₊‧⁺˖⋆

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