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purplekiwis · 1 year ago

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𝑲𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆

Summary: While they're on opposite ends of the social spectrum, Y/N and Harry have been the closest of friends for years. But could it be that an all-night working session for a science project helps them break out of the friendzone?

Genre: Friends to Lovers | Nerd!Harry x Badgirl!Y/N

Warnings: SMUT | Self-Deprication | This is coming-of-age story. There's no mention of their age but both characters are in their last year of high school (just a heads up in case someone doesn't want to read because of that)

Wordcount: 10k

A/N: ok y'all, so i have made a mistake.

i was like 99% sure there was a request in my inbox asking for a blurb where harry was nerdy? i found it interesting so i started working on it... only to realize halfway into things that that was not in fact what was written in the request 😅

i figured i might as well post it anyways since i wrote it but yeah... i'm sorry, anon! i (now) know you wanted subby!harry, but all i have to give you is nerd!harry (don't worry, i made him a lil subby just for you 🤫)

also, before y'all flood my inbox with asks about the non finished fics (rightfully so) i hear you and i'm very, very sorry for the lack of updates. i had to take a break because i kept feeling like the texts i could come up with weren't good enough for the stories i wanted to tell. i still partly feel that way, but i'm hoping the lack of real harry content will inspire me to write more in the near future. thank you for reading my dumb little stories, i love you 💖

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Harry was never too fond of grocery shopping.

He really didn’t like the whole “put things inside the cart, remove things from the cart at the cashier, bag them, put them back into the cart, get them in the car, take them out of the car, bring them inside and put them away” process.

It was extremely inconvenient to him.

It was also very time-consuming, though Harry believed this particular belief of his was directly influenced by having to grocery shop with his grandparents every other day.

Naturally, they were slower than he was, so he'd just drag his feet behind them, push the cart and wait for them to ask him to grab something from the shelves that their aging pains no longer allowed them to reach.

That part was fine, what bore him the most was how easily they got sidetracked by trinkets that weren’t on the shopping list. Oh! And how they always managed to locate a random old person they knew from God knows where who engaged them in talks that appeared to stretch for hours.

Harry would try and make up reasons not to go with them sometimes, but he always felt a little guilty about it afterwards. After all, it was a very small favor for him to help his grandparents with their groceries, considering they had been the ones to provide him with a loving home after his parents failed to do so.

People always seemed to feel sorry for him when they found out he'd grown up without his “real parents” around, but he'd never had reasons to complain, really. Unlike his parents, Joe and Martha had always treated him nicely and made him feel genuinely loved.

They were a little overprotective at times, but like Y/N always said, that was probably because they watched too much TV.

Speaking of Y/N, Harry didn't hate grocery shopping with her so much. He even kind of enjoyed it as long as the space wasn't too crowded. That day it wasn’t, which he was extremely thankful for because it reduced the chances of them bumping into any familiar faces who might ask about his grandparents, or if the girl he was with was his girlfriend.

That’s another thing he detested about running into people his grandparents were friends with - they loved to pester him with indiscreet questions about his love life that made him go red-faced. It was even worse when he happened to be with Y/N during those times; fortunately, she was always a bit clueless about it. Harry guessed that the reason for that was that she was so comfortable with their friendship that she wasn't even aware of what was going on… even if she thought it a little odd that he kept introducing her as his neighbor even though they weren't neighbors anymore.

Despite the fact that they no longer lived next door to each other, Y/N was still a frequent visitor at Harry’s house. Ever since his family relocated to a different area of the city, it had become custom for her to spend the night whenever the two had group projects to do.

Their journey was always the same. As they got off the bus from school, they would head to the supermarket to stock up on frozen pizzas and late-night goodies to help them through the long hours they’d be spending working on their computers.

That day was no different. They'd just grabbed their pizzas, and were now wandering around the drinks aisle looking at the options.

“Do you think your grandma would notice if we hid one of these in your backpack?” Asked the ex-neighbor, Y/N. The smile on her face got him figuring she was up to no good… even before he noticed the bottle of whatever alcoholic beverage she was holding.

The idea startled him a little more than he'd like to admit. “Don’t start! And put it back before anyone sees you.”

The way his body jumped made Y/N laugh as she set the bottle back on its shelf. “Relax, okay? I was only messing with you... I knew you'd be too chicken to do it. But just so you know, they don't even ask for an ID most times.”

He replied to her with a headshake. “You're not as cool as you think just because you get drunk with your friends every once in a while.” She didn’t seem too pleased by his remark, but Harry figured that by now she ought to know he didn't mean most of what he said when he was annoyed. “You can get an iced tea… or a pepsi… or that weird-flavored soda you like.”

“Fine.”

Harry noticed that even after he allowed her to pick her favorite drink, Y/N still didn't seem particularly happy with him. She trailed behind him in silence while he pushed the cart around and didn't even appear to care when they walked past the shelf where her usual go-to snack was.

“Did you know that statistically, people who start drinking in their teens have a 5 times higher likelihood of becoming alcoholics than those who only start later?” Harry knew it probably wasn't the best conversation topic to get her to talk to him, but it was the only thing that came to his mind in the moment.

“Did you know that stating facts like that makes you look 1000 times more of a nerd than you already are?”

Harry snorted at her retort. “You didn't seem to mind me being a nerd when you asked me to work on the paper with you.”

“I do every paper with you, why should this be any different?”

He smirked at that. It was true. He and Y/N had attended every academic year together since they first met in elementary school, and they had managed to enroll in almost all of the same classes each time. They were currently in their senior year of high school, and their friendship was still pretty solid despite their different personalities and social interests.

Y/N was in the midst of a rebellious phase. In the beginning it all had been quite harmless, with her obsession with dyeing the ends of her hair crazy colors and pairing fishnets with knee socks. That somehow led her into starting to hang out with people Harry considered to be a little unnerving.

He wasn't sure what exactly made him annoyed about them... Maybe it was because he was a little resentful over having to “compete” for Y/N's attention and feared he would one day completely lose her to them, given that they were undoubtedly the cooler part of the equation. Perhaps part of it was also because those people reminded him of the kind who used to bully him for being a dork when he was younger. Thankfully, he wasn't being bullied as much anymore, but he still didn't have many friends.

He also barely interacted with girls, as one might expect. There were times he had crushes, but he was always afraid to talk to them, so things never really went anywhere. Thus, Y/N was really Harry's only female friend.

He confesses sometimes he was surprised she still wanted to hang out with him as much as she did. When she became popular, Harry naturally assumed she would ditch him for social status reasons, but that never happened, which was a big relief to him since he liked having her around.

They were both geeky, so they watched a lot of movies and played video games together... but when it came to other things, they were a little different. Y/N had a much better sense of style, was much more social, and enjoyed doing dumb things like smoking weed and getting drunk behind her parents’ backs.

Harry had never really understood the appeal of it. In fact, his lack of interest in participating in that stuff sometimes worried him a bit, but again... it wasn’t like he wasn’t curious.

There were a few times when he thought it would be cool if he could hang out with Y/N and her friends, go out drinking, dance, and maybe, just maybe, if he was very very lucky, even get to kiss someone on the mouth.

But then he always ended up reasoning that people like him weren't welcome at parties and that if he ever dared to step foot into one he'd probably end up being the butt of everyone’s jokes.

Even knowing so, he couldn't help fantasizing about it… especially the last part. Yes, Harry definitely thought about intimacy a lot more than he'd ever be willing to admit… and he also pondered a lot about how being practically invisible to girls sucked… and about how much he wished one would give him a chance.

He was aware of his issues, however. He knew he wasn’t exactly the hottest guy around. His haircut and clothing were out of style, mostly because he lacked the confidence to mess with his looks and follow the trends the way other people did. He’d buy new t-shirts sometimes; the only thing was that they almost always had gaming-related designs which obviously didn't do his style much good.

But it wasn’t all bad. Harry knew he had nice eyes… he just couldn't get the girls to come close enough to notice them. He figured the way he stared at the floor when he walked, along with the thick glasses he had been wearing since childhood had also taken part in preventing people from noticing how green his eyes were.

He thought Y/N had nice eyes as well, and he liked the way she accentuated them with make-up… even when her eyeliner turned out a little uneven or got smudgy because she forgot she had it on and rubbed her eyes with her fingers.

She'd been doing that a lot in the last hour they'd been working on their paper, which was making Harry feel a little bad.

Normally, by that time in the evening Y/N would already be working on her part, but as they'd started later than usual, she wasn't. Also, being the control freak he was, Harry always wanted to be the one in charge of the research portion of any papers they worked on. Leaving the final task of writing and flourishing to Y/N.

So the poor girl had been sitting next to him for hours, watching him go through articles on his laptop.

Harry could tell by the increased frequency of her yawns that her battery was running low, so he wasn't the least bit surprised when he heard her hesitantly ask, “Are you planning on staying up much longer? Aren’t you getting tired?”

“Um… not really. I found this really cool essay and want to make sure we gather all of their data.” He was so preoccupied with copying and pasting that he didn't even look away from the screen as he replied to the question. “It's a shame we don’t have any hot springs nearby... wouldn't it be cool if we could collect samples of these microbes and study them in the school lab?”

“Are you for real?” She looked at him like he was crazy as she let her back slide halfway down the bedframe. “Do you really find these stupid water microbes that interesting?”

“Not all of them, it’s just that I’d never considered that there could be some growing and thriving in actual boiling water… since, you know, that’s what’s supposed to kill them.” Due to the silence that followed, Harry realized that despite Y/N's efforts to keep him company, she was moments away from falling asleep. “Should I go get the air mattress to make your bed?”

“I can't sleep. I haven't done my part yet.”

“It's fine; we still have the entire day tomorrow to finish.”

“Don't bother with me if you’re focused on the paper. I just need to close my eyes for a bit, but I won’t fall asleep.” She promised, but Harry knew better than to believe her. “Do you mind if use your covers? Your room’s a bit chilly.”

“No, not at all.” He didn't mind it, in fact, he even found it a little exciting. Not in a pervy way, but it felt good to know that a good looking girl would be using his bed and leaving her girly scent on it. Harry tried not to dwell on those kinds of thoughts over Y/N too much, but of course he thought she was hot. He wasn’t that blind.

He hadn't always felt that way. For a long while Harry just thought of her as his best friend, but she'd grown into her curves in the last couple of years and he would be lying if he said his eyes and mind didn't occasionally wander. He felt a little bad about it, but it wasn't like he was ever going to do anything other than fantasize, so he supposed it was alright… as long as she didn’t catch on.

Truth be told, he’d always liked Y/N’s personality, but as of recently her looks and the way she dressed had also made her the type of girl he was attracted to on the outside. Yes, it was always the girls who wore alternative clothing and scowled a lot that caught his eye.

He was aware that his preference sounded extremely stereotypical coming from a shy loser like him, but it wasn’t like he could help what he was keen on.

“Is the entire chapter on Volcanic Islands really necessary?” She asked, leaning further into him so she could see the laptop screen despite being laid down.

“I'm not sure if it's necessary, but I thought we should at least mention these two islands since they keep coming up.” He could feel her sigh of defeat on his arm. “It’s already halfway done. I've already gotten all the info about Iceland… now all that's left is this tiny archipelago in Portugal.” With that, he rushed to type the final location on the Google search bar but was taken aback by Y/N's chuckling. “What are you laughing at?”

“Do you not know how to delete your browsing history?” She asked him, still laughing.

Harry's brows furrowed slightly, but he smiled along. “Huh, why? Seriously random that.”

“Random, really? I may only be half awake, but I can still see.”

“See what?”

“See Pornhub come up on your suggestions when you started typing Portugal.” Harry's face dropped instantly. Then, with a harsh slam, he shut his laptop lid. He could feel his entire body tensing up as a burning wave swept across his face, hotter than he'd ever felt before. “Harry, relax!” Y/N remarked when she saw him like that. She seemed rather worried about it as she clung to his arm and shook it. “Hey, look at me, this isn’t a bad thing. You don't have to-”

Before she could say anything else, Harry covered his face with his sheets and muttered, “Yes it is. It’s embarrassing.” Honestly, even that felt like a tame word to describe how he was feeling. This was, hands down, one of the most awkward circumstances he’d ever been in. He wasn't prepared to deal with it, so he chose to remain hidden and avoid further conversation.

He knew he'd have to come out at some point, but he couldn’t bear the thought of facing Y/N knowing that she knew he watched porn and wanked. It was making him feel all kinds of yucky, which was why he was a bit shocked by what happened right after.

Y/N ventured under the sheets after him, and eventually nestled into his side. The warmth felt nice, but being so close to her was weird. He liked it, but it also made him feel worse at the same time, given that she'd been the catalyst for his breakdown in the first place and all that. Plus, he still couldn't wrap his head around why she wanted to touch him when he felt so icky.

Despite the fact that they were right next to each other, it took a while for one of them to venture breaking the silence. By the time Harry tried, he had a dry mouth, so he had to swallow first. “I know it’s not your fault, but I'd honestly rather you hadn't said anything because knowing you saw is making me feel like shit.”

His faltering whispers seemed to stun Y/N a little, as if she'd already accepted that they wouldn't be talking for the rest of the night. “There's no need for you to feel that way… especially with me.” She returned his hushed words. “I wouldn't have said anything if I knew you'd get like this. I was just joking.”

“I know, but it still bothers me.” Harry was a little surprised by how at ease he felt speaking in quiet whispers while hiding under his covers. For some reason, talking to Y/N in this setting wasn’t as mortifying as he'd anticipated. “And just to be clear, I have no idea how that ended up in my suggestions. I always use incognito mode for that stuff.”

He couldn't see her, but he could feel her shrug. “You must have forgotten to open a new tab. It has happened to me before.”

“Oh. So. You watch it too?”

“Doesn't everybody, at least once in a while?”

“I don’t know… I suppose they must, yeah.” They both fell quiet for a bit, but not for longer than a few breaths as Harry felt the urge to clarify something. “I don't want you to think I'm a perv, though. I don't watch it all that often… not the kind of stuff that you’re probably thinking I watch, anyway.”

“What do you think I think you watch?”

“I don’t know, like… cringy, scripted porn… you know, the usual “oh no, I’m stuck!” stuff that shows up on the main page.”

“Um… I’ll be honest, you’ve always came across as more of a Hentai guy to me. And before you say anything, this isn't just me calling you a weeaboo. I've watched my share too and overall, I think it's much better than that other stuff you were talking about.”

“Yeah, fine... I'll admit that I like Hentai, but it’s not all I watch.” Harry wasn't sure why he felt so keen on sharing all of a sudden, but weirdly, he was kind of enjoying their conversation. He found the topic interesting, and he'd never had the chance to discuss it with anybody in person before so… it was fun. And, on top of that, Y/N was disclosing a bit too and he liked that he was getting to know this part of her as well. “Do you know what audio porn is?” She hummed and nodded yes. “Cool, so, there’s this category called ‘guided masturbation’ that’s basically just girls talking and like... telling you what to do. There’s no visual content really, but it has a very real feel to it that I like... almost as if you're on the phone with someone.”

“That's interesting, actually. I always thought that audio porn mostly for women, since, you know... everyone says men are visual creatures.” She shifted her weight slightly, turning towards him. “But you still find naked girls hot, right? the sight of them?”

“Well, of course. I’d be worried if that wasn’t the case.” Her question struck Harry a little, but he liked that she was acting curious and asking him things. “Honestly, I think the reason why I don't watch more regular porn is because I can't picture myself living out the fantasies. I don’t know, it’s weird to explain.”

“You can’t picture yourself in a sexy plumber costume ready to unclog a hot milf’s pipes?”

Harry snorted. “You're joking, but that's pretty much what it is.”

She hummed as she drew closer to him on the bed. This time her, placing her head into the crook of his arm. Her mouth was closer to Harry's ear in this position, although he wasn't aware of this until he heard, and felt, her whisper again. “Is that why you like to hear girls telling you what to do? because you're a bit unexperienced?”

Harry wasn't usually one to cuss, but shit. Hearing her whisper that somewhat snarky question so close to his ear struck a chord with him. It was freaking hot and kind of reminded him a bit of the audios he liked. Obviously, it wasn't as explicit, but it was better in many ways. A huge downside to the experience, however, was that it was extremely difficult to concentrate afterward. In fact, in the midst of his thoughts, Harry almost forgot to reply. “Um… I guess? I’m sorry, I kind of forgot what the question was.”

“No, it’s all good. I’m sure you must be getting tired.” With that, Y/N crawled out from under the covers. As she did so, her hand stumbled onto Harry’s toppled over laptop. “Oh, I didn’t even notice this was here. We should probably turn it off, right? Assuming you don't want to keep working after this.”

Harry also came out from hiding and sat up in a position similar to hers, with his legs partially covered by the covers. As his eyes re-acclimated to the brightness of the room, he massaged them a little. “Sure. I’ll just need a moment to, uh… make sure the file got saved properly, if that’s okay.”

Taking advantage of his temporary blindness, Y/N snatched his pillow from his side of the bed. She tucked it under herself and slid back under the sheets. “I've got a comfy bed right here so… feel free to take as much time as you need.”

He smiled at her antics as he readjusted the laptop over his legs and opened it. Turns out the file had been autosaved, but Harry still saved it once more before switching off his computer and setting it over his desk. “Yeah, that's fine. I don’t mind giving you my bed for the night and sleeping on the air mattress for a change.”

“Or you could spare yourself and sleep right there instead of worrying about which one of us will be sleeping on the floor.”

Her offer caused his eyebrows to rise, but he wasn't sure if that was a good thing to do. He liked the idea of it but was a little concerned about accidentally doing something embarrassing in the middle of the night. What if he made a toot? Or worse, had a wet dream? He hadn't had any recently, but one never knew when it might start happening again. In any case, he'd probably wake up with a stupid morning wood as usual, which was something that he could typically make go away before he got up when Y/N was around… but if she was going to sleep next to him, wasn’t there a chance she could tell? That prospect made him terrified. “Um… I'm not sure that I'm a good sleep partner; grandma says I used to move a lot in my sleep when I was small.”

“Oh. I don’t mind. I just don't feel like sleeping by myself tonight for some reason.” Y/N shrugged, leaving him unsure of what to say next. It was already difficult to say no when it wasn’t what he wanted to say, but it became nearly impossible when he looked at her and met her begging eyes.

Well then, if she was being so casual about it, he figured it must not be that common for people to do humiliating things in their sleep, contrary to what he had previously been led to believe by his insecurities. The other factor that was pushing him to say yes was that having to get up to grab the air mattress from the attic and make Y/N a bed sounded a little too demanding for how lazy he was feeling. His bed wasn't even tiny either, so they'd have plenty of room to spread out without troubling one another throughout the night. “Ok, alright. But don't grumble tomorrow about having trouble falling asleep because of me. This was entirely your idea.”

“I don’t grumble.” He made sure to let her see his eyeroll before turning off the lights and getting into bed with a second pillow for himself. No one said anything for a bit, they were just adjusting their positions in search for the most comfortable one. Harry was still wide-awake, but he believed it wouldn't be long until Y/N fell asleep. She was already close to when they were working on the paper, so it shouldn't take long at all.

She proved him wrong, though, when she blurted out something after minutes of being quiet. “I have another question for you...”

“Oh. What’s that?”

Harry saw a shadow that he believed to be her head poking up from the pillow, propped on what should be her arm. Her voice sounded quite chirpy too, which meant he’d probably underestimated how awake and willing to chat his friend actually was. “Have you ever… like, kissed anyone?”

“That’s so random.” It was during times like these that Harry wished he could travel back in time. If he could go back and pretend to be asleep two seconds ago when Y/N asked if she could ask him a question, he wouldn’t even hesitate. Heck, he'd even pretend to snore if it meant not having to respond but alas, since Harry didn’t have any time travel abilities, that wasn’t an option. She knew he was awake and was anxiously awaiting his response. “You're quite random sometimes, Y/N...”

Her voice was hushed, yet a little taunting. “That’s not an answer.”

Harry sighed, realizing she wasn't going to let him off the hook until he participated in the discussion she wanted to have. “Alright, then… define kissing... does something like a peck qualify?”

“No, Harry. I'm talking about actual kissing. Tongue and all.”

“Oh um. I knew that, obviously.”

“And did you do it or not?”

“Yeah I, uh. I've kissed...” His words stumbled slightly. They didn't come out as cool or confident as he’d hoped, but he did try to make his statement sound plausible. “But it wasn’t with a lot of tongue... just like, a little bit.”

Y/N let out a snort at his unconvincing answer. “You’re a shit liar, but fine. I used to lie about it too when people asked me.” Rather than defending himself, Harry didn't say anything, which told his friend all she needed to know. “Is it something you think about, though? would you like to do it?”

“Well, yeah… of course I’d like to. Even some of the guys I hang out with have done it... and you’ve seen them.” Harry felt a bit mean making that remark about his friends' looks. Obviously, he wanted them to have someone who liked them, but that didn’t change the fact that none of them had much going in terms of physical appeal. “I'm not saying this to make you feel sorry for me. I know I’m the problem and that the reason why I haven’t kissed yet is because I’m not a kissable person. My only hope is that things will change once we start college. I don't know if I ever told you before, but I've been thinking about switching to contacts. I was also thinking it could be nice to exercise a bit just so clothes would fit me better. What do you think? It should help, right?”

Even in total darkness, Harry could tell that Y/N's eyebrows were deeply furrowed by her tone of voice. “Who was it that told you you weren't kissable?”

“Nobody needed to tell me. I see myself every time I look in the mirror. I dress like my grandpa and have a bit of a hunch like him too.”

“I think you're mistaking being unattractive for wearing clothes that aren’t particularly flattering. It's very different.” Harry knew she couldn't see it, but he was kissing his teeth at what she’d said. “If the reason why you want to make those changes is to feel better about yourself, then you have my full support… I do, however, have a feeling that’s not all it is, so I hope you realize that you don’t have to bend over backwards to be likable or kissable, or anything else. You already are all of those things exactly as you are.”

“I appreciate you sugarcoating things to make me feel better but if what you are saying were true, and I was fine the way I am, I wouldn't have this much trouble finding someone who saw that in me.” He sighed, a little annoyed by her efforts. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s hard for me to believe you’ll ever understand what it feels like to be me. You’re like... the coolest, most kissable girl ever.”

There was a slight click, and suddenly the room got soaked in an orange light that caused Harry to squint despite his familiarity with it. His bedside table lamp was on, and Y/N was staring at him in awe. “You think I’m kissable?”

Crap. Had he really blurted it out that way? He couldn't recall the precise words he had used, but it seemed unlikely that Y/N was asking him that for no reason. She looked very taken aback by what she’d heard, and Harry, who still hadn't a clue how he’d managed to put his foot in it yet again, felt his face turn red and his tongue stutter once more. “Not in a weird way! Maybe I phrased it in a way that made it seem like I was being weird, but it was just a form of expression. Not that what I said isn’t true, but I would never say it like that. Even if I wanted to kiss you, which has never crossed my mind, really.”

“Hm.” Y/N’s gaze was drawn to her hands as he finished. Harry observed that she was picking at her nail polish, which was rather unusual for her unless she was nervous. “Is it really that ridiculous? I mean, if you wanted to, I wouldn't mind...”

His forehead wrinkled. “Why? Because you feel sorry for me?”

“No Harry, because I'd like to.”

“Me? You’d like to kiss me? Why?”

Y/N shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know.” Her tone was a little hesitant, but she carried on. “Aff, okay… screw it. I might as well tell you since we’re talking about it. So, I, uh. I have a bit of a thing for you. I’ve had it for a while, but it was never serious… since well, I never really felt like there was a real possibility that it could be reciprocated. That’s why I didn’t tell you sooner, that and because I wasn't sure how things would turn out if you rejected me so… I figured it would be best not to say anything.” She shrugged once more, as a small smile formed on her lips. “You’ve also never mentioned having any crushes or being into anyone, so I thought maybe you weren't interested in that type of stuff much.”

“Yeah, right.” Harry rolled over in bed, facing away from her. It wasn’t unusual of Y/N to play practical jokes on him from time to time, but this one did not go over well with him. It seriously screwed with his self-esteem and since it was her, he could have easily been tricked into admitting something he'd end up regretting. “I know you’re taking the piss and I don't think it's funny, like, at all.”

“Why would I be taking the piss? Do you really think I'd joke about something like this? And look at me when I'm speaking to you!” She pulled on his shoulder, compelling him to lie onto his back so she could at least see his face.

Harry complied with her, but not without a groan. “I'm serious Y/N. If you’re trolling, this is your one chance to say so ‘cause If I find out later that you were doing this to see me make a fool of myself or to get me flustered, I'm going to get really, really angry at you.”

“I may play a lot of dumb jokes, but I don't play with people's feelings like that… let alone my friends' feelings. I'm dead serious, Harry. It's really not that hard to see it if you think a little.” She huffed, upset that he wasn’t taking her seriously. She'd guessed he’d act a little wary at first but hadn't expected him to think she was pulling a prank on him. How could he have missed that she had a thing for him anyway, with how touchy she was when they were alone together? With her acting so eager to be his first kiss? She'd been shit at hiding it for years. It was so clear. “Do you remember when we were kids... my parents took us to a fancy playground by a lake and... there was a girl there who had a Nintendo but wouldn't let me play with it, she would only let you, so I snatched it away?”

"Yeah, I remember.” As he replied, Harry was unable to stop himself from letting out small laugh at the memory. “And then you threw it in the water because you'd heard from someone that Nintendo’s were waterproof. Your parents got so mad, and she wouldn't stop crying. It was awful.”

“Yeah, that. Except, I never really thought that they were waterproof. I did it because she was nasty... and it made me upset that you’d left me to play on the slide alone.” Y/N admitted, also laughing and shaking her head a bit at her childish antics. “I didn't know back then what being jealous was, but I think about that day sometimes... it makes me feel embarrassed obviously, but it also makes me realize that I've always been really possessive of you. I think if you'd turn out to have many girlfriends I would have realized much sooner that my feelings for you weren't just friendly ones.”

“Wow. Was that really what that was?” Harry was stupefied and Y/N couldn't not giggle at his open mouthed reaction. “I’m sorry, it’s just… this whole thing is really confusing. My head is spinning a bit and... being completely honest, part of me still thinks that you’re joking but at the same time, you seem serious enough so I’m gonna choose to believe you. Even if I have no idea why you'd like me that way, other than maybe ‘cause I'm tall.

“The hair too. Don't forget your fluffy hair.” She added playfully. “No but, even though I like those things, they aren’t the reason why I like you. I just do. There’s no logical explanation for it.”

“Yeah, um. That makes sense. I mean, not really but I think I understand that feeling you were describing and… I can kind of relate to it too since I've kind of had a small crush too since last year… or well, I've realized last year... back when you were dating that Joshua guy. It made me jealous. I’ve always thought it was silly though, so I tried not to think about it too much.” Harry acknowledged, albeit doing it with more trepidation and delay than Y/N had. “I've had other crushes too, but they were on girls I never talked to so... they didn’t last too long.”

“Wait so… you’ve had a crush too? since that long?”

“I- uh.. I have. Yeah.”

“You must be really good at hiding your feelings then, because I never noticed anything that suggested that, much less that you were jealous. Trust me, if I had any inkling I would’ve had this conversation with you last year instead of doing what I did. I didn’t even like Joshua much… I just wanted to have someone.” She pursed her lips in a mournful smile before reaching out for Harry's hand. It wasn’t the first time that their hands had brushed, but this time something in Harry's chest was sparked by her touch, making him feel both ecstatic and stiff at the same time. “It's nice that you've had other crushes, though. I think I'd be more upset if I found out you'd been caught up on me all this time and I'd just been completely unaware of it. With that said, I don't want you thinking about other girls now. Only me.”

“Yeah, okay. Just you. I like how that sounds a lot.” Harry had no idea what had possessed him, but he felt compelled to bring her hand to his mouth and kiss it. His gesture made her giggle, but he got somewhat self-conscious afterwards. “Was that lame? Probably, right?”

“No, it was cute. I liked it.” She reciprocated by lifting his hand to her mouth and placing a kiss over his knuckles. “Is there anywhere else you’d like me to kiss?”

With a tentative smile, he gave her a direct glance before nodding. Y/N scooted a bit closer to him but as they got closer, Harry's body tightened a little. He couldn't take his eyes off her lips, yet the sight of the rosy, fluffy cushions was giving him pause. “I’m sorry if I’m not… uh… if I don’t know how to...”

She gave his cheek a comforting caress. “That’s fine, but are you okay? You’re shaking a bit.”

Harry laughed, feeling rather frustrated with himself. “Yeah, um… sorry about that. I'm just really nervous.”

“It can wait if you're not ready.” Y/N made a point of assuring him, even though she had a feeling that waiting wasn't what Harry wanted. He was just nervous, which was totally normal for someone who was about to get their first kiss. The most she could do was try to make him a bit calmer. “Is there anything specific that you're worried about?”

“No, I’m ready. It's just a bit overwhelming. This is all so alien to me… it’s a lot for my nervous system to handle.” Y/N couldn’t not frown a bit at how adorable he was as she listened. “I- I'm also a little in over my head, thinking I probably won’t be as good as the boys you've kissed before.”

“You don't have to worry about that, really. Trying stuff until you figure out what makes the other person melt is the most fun part.” She assured, before giving his hand another kiss. “We’ll learn that from one another, okay?”

Harry nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Upon his approval, Y/N pulled herself closer and higher, until her face was barely above his. They both smiled as she rubbed her nose against his... once, twice, and then it happened. She dropped her head just enough for their lips to touch.

Her tenderness and Harry's stomach-bursting butterflies were in stark contrast, making for a bizarre, yet fascinating combination of sensations.

They weren't quite in time with one another's lips but their kiss was free flowing. And it felt flawless, akin to a Vivaldi concerto or a Michelangelo masterpiece. There was something alarming about it too, however. Suddenly, Harry could feel the relatively insignificant seed of love that Y/N had planted in his heart blossom into a giant sequoia tree. And he couldn't, for the life of him, fathom the possibility of having shared a moment as nice with anyone else.

He was truly loving whatever love spell she was casting on his body with her kissing, which is why he couldn't help but let out a low whimper when he felt their lips unglue from her pulling away. “Why did you- why did you stop?”

“Your glasses are getting in the way.” She explained as she carefully started pulling them off his face. “Here, much better.” As soon as she was done placing his glasses over the nightstand, she raised her leg and straddled him. Well, sort of. It was more of an embrace; except she was laying on top of him. “This is okay, right? Not too much pressure?”

“Mh-mm. Better. Thank you.” Harry's face was flushed, and he couldn't stop smiling as he stared at her. She was so pretty, and her body over his felt so cozy. It was still hard to believe he had kissed her, but the tingle on his lips confirmed it was real, despite how uncanny it all felt. “I like this a lot, being this close to you.”

“Me too.” She ran her fingertips across his blushing skin. “You're so cute like this. I should’ve kissed you way sooner. You seem to like it too, don't you?”

“Mh-mm. I really do.” Harry desperately wanted more kisses from her, but he was still a little too unsure of himself to initiate. Besides, he’d really liked when she took initiative earlier and led the way so that’s what he wanted to happen again. “I’d like to do it some more, if that’s okay...”

Y/N smiled at his request, but wasted no time before she leaned in to taste his lips again.

It was mostly just smooches that they were trading, but that didn’t keep her from taking a nibble here and there. Harry was very responsive to her nibbles, which she appreciated. She’d never been with a boy who got whimpery and breathy just from making out before, but she found it to be incredibly encouraging and arousing.

What made it extra hot was knowing he wasn't doing it on purpose because he knew girls liked stuff like that. It was just how his body was reacting to her. She was also well aware that her kisses had gotten him bricked up instantaneously. His warm stiffness was palpable between her thighs, despite being covered by his pajama bottoms.

If it had been any of the boys she’d kissed before, the erection would have freaked her out a bit, but as it was Harry she thought it was cute that he was so excited. He wasn't the only one feeling this way though. The damp panties she had on served as a casual reminder that she was getting quite excited as well.

Despite her wants, Y/N had been doing a great job of controlling herself… only that task became much more challenging when Harry started getting more comfortable, more intuitive, and by default, touchier. At some point in the course of their kissing, he’d started sliding his hands up her back and, on occasion, giving her hips a squeeze. He'd noticed she was pleased by this, so he worked up the nerve to lower his hands to her bum and squeeze her there too.

“Not feeling so shy anymore, are you?” Y/N playfully teased, to which Harry responded by smiling and hiding his face by pulling her in for a hug. It hadn't been her intention to rub up on him, but he’d drew her in so close that their bellies were flush together, so when she shifted next he felt it on his crotch… and moaned, all deep and throaty. They stared at each other, until Y/N turned her mouth to Harry's ear and asked, “Do you want this? want me to do it again?”

His nodding was quick. “Just don't go too fast, ‘cause uh... might feel too good.”

“Okay, got it.” She said, then held onto the pillow under Harry’s head, nails digging into fabric as she began to move slowly on top of him. Rolling her hips to press down on the bulge in his pants. The pressure on her clit was both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, it was a relief to finally have a way to sooth some of the built-up tension, but on the other, it made her yearn for more friction.

She could feel his heavy, strained breathing against her skin. “Mm, it's too much, feels… too good. Ah-” He moaned again, once her fingers gripped at the roots of his hair.

“Shh, quiet.” Y/N covered his mouth and smiled. “I love your moans, but we have to keep it quiet.” She said, before removing her hand from his mouth and putting her lips in its place.

“I know, sorry.” Harry replied once she broke their kiss. “If I get loud again, you can repeat that hand thing if you want… it was hot.”

“Hmm, was it?” She returned her hand to his lips, but this time she allowed two fingers to go inside and prod into his mouth, that he was keeping slightly ajar for her. “That’s good, Harry. You're a natural at this, I think.” She had been straddling him with her body leaning over his, but she sat upright for a moment to appreciate how adorable he looked with her fingers in his mouth from farther away. As soon as he saw her eyes fixed on him, his lips encircled her fingers, and his tongue began to softly wriggle between them. “Mh-m... that's it. Just like that.”

As she started moving her hips again, Harry's hands shot to her waist, to hold her as she rutted against him. This gave her more balance, so she ramped up the pace, rubbing harder and faster to create the desired friction for her. The change caught up with Harry quickly, who began groan restlessly into her fingers in response. She pulled them off to let him speak. “S-slow... please go slower. If you don't, I'll-”

“Make a mess. I know. Give me your hands.” As per Y/N’s request, Harry slid his hands away from her waist and held them up between their bodies. Y/N took them, entwined their fingers together and then without warning, allowed her weight to fall forward, successfully pinning him to the bed. “I know you want to, but you're ashamed about doing it in your underwear. So, I was thinking… if I keep you like this and force it out of you, maybe you won't feel so bad about wanting it anymore. What do you say?”

“I just don't want to get you dirty, that's all. I thought I could keep it under control a little better, but I can't. It feels so much better than my hand.” Harry acknowledged, smiling shyly. “That sounds hot, though… the idea of you forcing it.”

“I know but don't worry about getting me dirty. I brought extra pjs.” She gave him a reassuring smile and squeezed his hands. “So…you want to do it, then? Since you think it’s hot…”

A delaying groan rumbled in his throat before his lips parted into a broad smile, the kind of smile you make when you’re on the verge of breaking into laugher. “I’m going be so embarrassed about this tomorrow, but yeah. I want to.”

Y/N shook her head at him, grinning. “Don't. I've always wanted to do this. It's a bit of a fantasy of mine, I guess.” She didn’t give him a chance to react to her confession, as she started rutting against his cock again. This time she wasn’t being gentle or avoiding any harsh friction. Her movements were quicker and jerkier than they had been before, and she tightened her hold on his hands as well. She had a hunch Harry liked the feeling of being held down and used, so that's what she was doing.

He was shivering beneath her, taking fast breaths through his mouth as he looked her in the eyes. The poor baby couldn’t stay quiet for the life of him, either. His whimpers and groans were unrelenting, so she was bound to muffle him once more.

His now-free hand joined hers over his mouth, but it didn’t linger there for long since he took hold of her wrist and started guiding it downward. “My neck,” He pleaded lowly, his voice trembling. “…want your hand on my neck.”

She gave him a devilish smirk before grabbing his throat. She only needed to hold him still; there was no need to squeeze or do anything else. “And I want your cum,” she told him, hoping that slipping in a few dirty words in combination with her movements would make him snap. “…want to get all wet from it.”

Harry’s legs jerked beneath her. “Close,” He warned, a little startled. “So, so close…” The fact that she could not only hear him but also feel his words on his throat as he spoke was incredibly arousing. “Please…” He pled sweetly, what triggered a sudden desire in Y/N's chest to be closer. She released her hold on his throat and hugged him tight as she drove her hips into his, rutting violently to make him orgasm.

It worked.

Between her thighs, Y/N could feel his warm juices seeping through the material of their pajamas. So she kept rutting, wanting to make sure she had extracted every last drop of them.

Harry returned her tight hug all the way through his climax, and he didn’t let go after either. They remained in that position for a while, holding each other close regardless of the slightly unpleasant wetness that was binding them together. “We should probably change right?” Y/N asked after a beat, despite her lack of want to wrest away from him.

“M-hm. I’m all gross and sticky.” Harry laughed. “I’m gonna need another shower in the morning, but for now, I think I'll just wipe it off and put on new boxers. I mean if you don't mind that I don't wear pants to bed…”

“No, I don't mind. I'm gonna take mine off too.”

“Oh. That's a great idea. Sounds perfect to me.” Harry playfully quipped, before he got out of bed and started opening drawers. “Also, um… I don't know how to ask without being weird, but could you close your eyes for a moment? so I can take care of myself real quick?” Y/N said yes and turned away to give him privacy while he cleaned himself and changed. She was a tiny bit surprised that he hadn't wanted to use the restroom for that, but she figured that since it was closer to his grandparents' bedroom at the end of the corridor, he probably didn't want to risk going and waking them up. “Okay… you can look now.”

When Y/N looked at him next, the first thing she noticed was that he had on a pair of tight, black boxers. The next thing she noticed was that Harry was looking at her legs, since, as he’d probably seen when he turned, she had also stripped off her pants in the interim, leaving just her grey panties on. “What?” He smiled in response to her curious gaze.

She wouldn’t bring it up, but she could see he had grown a little hard in his boxers just from seeing her sprawled in bed with no pants on. “Nothing, you’re cute.”

Harry snorted at that. “Thanks, but you're much cuter.” He wandered across the room to where the supermarket bags were. “Are you thirsty? Do you want water or a snack? ”

“Hmm, just water if that’s okay.”

Harry handed her the water bottle and sat down on the bed next to her while she drank from it. “You didn’t cum…” he pointed out after a moment of pause.

“Oh um… yeah. I didn’t. It’s okay though.” Y/N laughed, shrugged, and took another sip of her water.

“Hmm.” Harry hummed, before scooting a little closer to her. “It must be a bit of an unpleasant feeling, no? and hard to sleep like that.”

“It is a little until it goes away but nothing that I can't handle.”

“Hm.” He hummed again, before Y/N cocked her head to kiss his lips. She’d only meant to give him a peck, but Harry changed her plans when he leaned in to kiss her deeper. He seemed really eager to continue kissing and well, she wasn't about to say no to him. Especially when he went so far as to nibble on her lip, which he hadn’t done before. He was also getting handsy with her, and she loved it. He was touching her more and focusing on the spots he'd learned she liked.

“That,” She blurted, as she paused to catch her breath. “That feels really nice.”

“M-hm.” He murmured against her lips as he kissed her again. His hand continued to grab at her as they kissed, to the point where Y/N couldn’t take it anymore. She hadn’t meant to but ended up moving her knees apart out of desperation. Being so blatant almost made her feel ashamed, but she didn't because she felt Harry's palm wrap over her crotch. In response to his touch, she moaned into his mouth, and he moaned back, surprised at how her moisture had soaked through her panties. “Teach me.” He asked, softly. “I want to learn. I- um, want to make you go to sleep happy.”

“That’s so nice, Harry, really. I, um-” She smiled while wiping the tears forming in her eyes. “I’m already happy.” She didn’t know what was making her so overwhelmed with joy all of sudden. She’d always known Harry was boyfriend material, but it was still nice to see how much he gave thought to her needs and happiness. And she was happy. So, so happy to finally have him like this, all to herself. “Do you want me to show you how to touch?”

“Yes please. To make you feel good.”

“Okay.” She placed her hand on top of his. “Here,” she explained once she’d guided his fingers to the spot of her panties right above her clit. “Circular motions with your fingers feel really nice, so does pressure. You don't have to focus on just that spot though… the nicest feeling is when you rub there but also all over.” She glanced at him, then bit her lip and asked, “Wanna try?”

“Yeah, alright.” Harry responded, adjusting his position slightly so that Y/N could get more comfortable. They decided to have her sit between his legs, facing away from him since that would make it easier for her to lead him. Once they’d both settled, Harry began to touch her in the way she had showed him, moving his hand broadly enough to reach a little bit everywhere in between her legs. “Am I doing it right?”

“Mm-hmm, you're doing really good.” Y/N was still holding his hand while he touched her, and she was fascinated by the size difference between their hands. “Your hands are really big, which... makes it feel extra good.”

“Really? That’s nice. I'm definitely grateful for that.” He said while looking down as well. “Should I put more pressure, or is it okay as it is?”

“It’s fine but I wouldn’t mind a little more...” She could tell he was afraid of hurting her, and that’s why he was being so careful and gentle in his touching. She wasn’t planning on rushing him or constantly give him directions though, so instead she simply relaxed against his chest and let him probe at his own pace. Because, after all, even though he was playing safe, she was still thoroughly enjoying herself.

It took Harry a few minutes to figure out how much pressure and speed he should be using, but eventually he pressed and swirled his fingers around her sensitive nub in a way that felt just right. When Y/N’s breath faltered he glanced at her worriedly, what made her chuckle. “No, don't worry. You didn't hurt me. Keep going like that.”

Harry smiled at that. He’d had a feeling he was starting to get the hang of it due to the way Y/N’s breathing had become more erratic and she'd begun to quiver against him on occasion but hearing it from her mouth that he was doing a good job was much, much better. He was really looking forward to making her cum. She looked so good like this, flushed and a little out of breath. She'd been staring at his face a lot from over her shoulder in the last couple of minutes, biting her lip and letting out little gasps of pleasure to let him know he was making her feel good.

“Like that. Don’t stop.” Those quiet, whispered words snapped him out of his reverie. He knew what they meant, even before she told him, “I’m really, really close.”

He'd learnt from a meme he saw once that when girls said that, boys weren't meant to speed up or change what they were doing in the slightest. So he merely focused on adding a bit more pressure, since that was something he knew she liked, and trying to keep his hand's tempo.

Despite how hot he found it, Harry wasn't very comfortable with dirty talk, but seeing her like this and recalling the perfect, filthy words she'd said to him just before making him cum, he felt compelled to give it a shot. “I can feel how wet your panties are, it’s so hot.” He whispered into her hair. “I can smell it too and it makes me want to eat you so bad. I've never done it before, but I can't stop thinking about doing it to you.” Rather than trying to sound hot, he was simply stating facts about how she was making him feel, and somehow it was working. “I wanna make you cum like this first though. From rubbing it this way, like you taught me to.”

Harry's words, paired with the precise movements of his fingertips around her pussy got Y/N right at the edge. She trembled, clutched his wrist, and strained to keep her legs open.

“Please, please, please...” She started begging out loud right before the warm pleasure bubble on her belly popped, so Harry did the same thing she’d done to him and muffled her by putting his free hand over her mouth.

He hadn't anticipated being able to feel when a girl orgasmed, but he was. He could feel the strong pulse under his fingers as soon as Y/N started to cum, and it was one of the hottest things he’d ever experienced. He could also feel the damp spot on her panties becoming even wetter as he rubbed her through it and God, the smell… it was making his mouth water.

If she didn’t look so exhausted, Harry would have begged her to let him take off her panties and lick her clean, but those puffy, glossy eyes didn't permit his mind to stray any further. If there was one thing Harry understood about Y/N, it was how she looked just before falling asleep, and that was exactly how she was getting.

So he helped her into bed and laid down beside her, but his heart wouldn't let him fall asleep before he asked, “You’re staying for the entire weekend, right?” and his ears picked up a faint “M-hm” in return.

This was going to be the best weekend ever.

#harry styles smut #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles x yn #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfic #nerd!harry #sub!harry #harry styles x you #purplekiwis #kissable

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almayver · 4 months ago

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Alma dear, you’ve said that you’ve been on the jealous peem train for a long time. How do you think he’d act? What are the most juicy scenarios you can conjure with jealous peem?

Hey Cole! So yep, i’ve been in the Jealous Peem train for months now, but the funniest thing is I actually have no concrete idea?

Because the thing is, I don’t think Peek would know how to act either. He has probably only ever felt like mild envy towards Qs talent and things like that, but this? This has this weird tint of possessiveness to it that I don’t think he would know how to handle. And I think that’s what would make it interesting. Because you know our boy loves open communication, but it's hard to communicate when you don’t fully understand your feelings and when you feel like you shouldn’t be having them, right?

Ok this turned into a full-blown rant and doesn't make total sense but, putting it under the read more so I don't put a wall of text in the tag

So exploring that, I also believe it would be very specific. Like someone says that Phum is handsome and/or compliments him? Yeah, Peem at most rolls his eyes because yeah his boyfriend is the most beautiful person on earth, and he is great, those are just facts, actually more people should be saying it. Someone flirts with Phum? Well that’s just funny to him, they would probably make Phum flustered and Peem loves to tease his boyfriend. Also, he is just so secure on his boyfriend’s feelings that the fear would never be that Phum is going to leave him or find someone better. So what would make Peem jealous?

Well, jealousy at its core is about insecurities, right? So possible scenarios here that would make Peem feel weird (jealous Peem, you feel jealous)

The first one is a soft, fluffy friendship one! Peem is very much someone that is very good at comforting people, and with the comment of “You made me feel I couldn't be your comfort zone” we know how important that is to him, specially with Phum. But maybe down the line Phum feeling like shit for whatever reason and Q is the one to comfort him for some reason, maybe Peem is busy (I'm never leaving the Q-Phum besties agenda, I live there actually). And the fun element here would be the warring emotions of being so fucking happy that not only two very important people in his life are so close and comfortable with each other, but also the fact that this means Phum is not lonely and has so many people in his corner and that is the best thing he could hope for.

But. But there is this weird thing in his head that feels weird, this pure want of being the one that comforts Phum, the one that knows exactly what to say to make him feel better. And I think he would have that spiral of “what if I'm not good enough support for him, what if I'm a bad boyfriend, am I a bad friend and boyfriend for even thinking like this”. And he is maybe a little bitter, but he hates feeling like that. Eventually of course both Phum and Q would notice and be like “dummy, come on”, Q would probably actually call him dumb, while Phum would just go full puppy eyes and reassure him and also say something like “Honestly Q mostly calms me by talking about you.”

Ok got sidetracked by friendship feelings there sorry not even sure if that counts as jealousy, but I had to get that scenario out there

The others would be a bit more classic silly jealousy, I think.

So the second one that came to mid would come from how different their fields of study are. Imagine Phum working on a project being very excited talking about it (I was going to give an example, but I did 5 years of engineering and I still have no clue what civil engineers do so idk vague project it is) and it all sounds like Greek to Peem and Phum is scared that he is boring him so he stops rambling about it. But then Peem sees Phum talking with other engineering students, and it's just *sad kitten noises* because he doesn't know enough to talk like that with his boyfriend, and he is jealous of everyone that gets his attention in this very specific way that he can't get. (He later realizes that Phum feels the same way when he talks with Q about art and throughout their relationship they both just learn to listen to the other talk even when they don't fully understand and accept that the other just likes to hear them talk about things that they are passionate about)

The final one, tho? That's the one i crave. Because you know what I think would make Peem weirdly possessive and go all “MY puppy”? Someone making Phum laugh.

Phum, mister “casual small smirk 90% of the time but when I fully smile it looks like the sun came out”. They are maybe out in a bar or a party or whatever, and Phum goes for drinks or something and Peem is talking with the group about something when he hears Phum's laughter. And he stops and perks up like a meerkat because I'm sorry what. That sound normally only occurs when Phum is near him what is happening, something isn't right in the universe. And he looks towards the direction of the sound a Phum is cracking up because of some stranger and Peem is SEETHING, and he doesn't understand why, but he is angry and bitter and petty (everyone in the group is completely amused, they have never seen him like this)

But how would he react to that weird bitter feeling? Because i feel like even with the jealousy, he would never be mean or rude to someone that isn't doing something wrong. And also he wouldn't accuse Phum of anything because he knows that he would only feel sad. So I think he would go the other direction and basically do the equivalent of marking his territory. Like he suddenly ups the devoted attentive boyfriend thing to 200%, and he turns into a clingy koala. And he just keeps trying to make Phum smile and laugh because dammit, that pretty smile is his thanks. That is his personal sunlight, thank you very much. (Phum is delighted and just keeps smiling like the sun which just makes Peem want to make him smile even more, its a very fun cycle) But idk, that's a possibility.

(There's another more elaborate scenario that keeps bouncing around in my head that maybe ill turn into a fic but if it stays a half formed idea ill throw it in your inbox dear)

...that was A LOT. Thanks for sending this ask Cole that turned into a fun thought experiment.

#we are the series #the first 2 are not even fully jealousy i think #and thats what happens when an aroace person that doesnt normally experience jealousy writes about it #ask #thunder-point #cole

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rainbowsky · 9 months ago

Text

GG and DD and queer representation

As some of you might be aware, Greece has finally legalized same sex marriage. This was very exciting news!

I had an ask related to the Greek marriage equality debate and had begun drafting a response but ended up getting sidetracked, and by the time I got back to this post marriage equality had already won.

I figured I'd finish this response because it covers some ground that newer turtles might find useful (and because I hate leaving things like this unfinished).

@rozanthi asked: Πιστεύετε πως οι χελώνες βοηθούν η δυσκολεύουν τους ggdd στην σημερινή πραγματικότητα;

Hi rozanthi!

Here's the rest of the ask(s) rozanthi sent.

rozanthi asked: Sorry l put my question in English and not in Greek by mistake. Do you thing that turtles benefit or harm ggdd in today's sircumstansies, reality. I apologize if in someway l offended you with my question about turtles and ggdd. Maybe that is the reason why you didn't answer. But you see, in my country(Greece) these few last months, a debate is going on in our parliament about voting to make political marriage between people of the same gentre legal. There has been a lot of fight and tension from our church and people with no manners or Shane minds. I asked you that question because l support ggdd as a couple in a relationship as barriors of a message as pioneers of something important for China to accept. And l wanted to know how much public support in the form of turtles help them along or make it more difficult. Here as more we support homo. homosexuality we bring thanter and more hate. In February we will know if we made a baby's step in out parliament. Support your ggdd in any way you see tat you really help them and not making it worse on them. They need support Ln the most gentle delicate way. Thank you for baring me.

First of all, it's OK to send me an ask in another language. Don't apologize for feeling better able to express yourself in your first language. I can always machine translate and ask for clarification when I feel I'm missing something (and the asker can clarify if I get anything wrong). Although I think you've done an adequate job of communicating your question here in English.

Second, as I've said many times, people should never read anything into whether I answer their ask or not. It's almost always just a result of me picking easier/quicker questions to answer.

Now, to address the ask.

Your question reflects some misconceptions/misunderstandings about GGDD's situation and about what turtles represent. Some of the topics you're discussing here are not directly related, and I'm going to try to break them down into their component parts for you.

The first and most important thing I can say to you is (and this is really, really key to understanding GGDD and understanding what turtles are in China):

GG and DD are not representatives of the queer community, and turtles are not a political movement.

Quite the contrary. I think it's fair and accurate to say that GG and DD, and by extension turtles, actively take steps to avoid being seen as part of a political movement, queer movement, protest movement or human rights movement.

(In fact, unfortunately many turtles are actually not particularly LGBTQ-friendly, don't support queer rights or gay marriage, and don't even consider GG and DD to be gay/queer. Many believe GG and DD are only 'gay' for each other, which is homophobic and a reflection of poor sex education).

It's essential for their own safety that GG and DD are not seen as political movement in China, or as figureheads of the queer rights movement. The Chinese government and even a sizable percentage of the public at large tend to take a very dim view of anyone who tries to organize and rally around subversive political causes.

Especially the current government, which is very repressive and has been rolling back LGBTQ rights and freedoms and cracking down on queer orgs, shutting down LGBTQ outreach organizations, etc. Pride events and large public gatherings are treated as disruptive protest movements, and have been banned.

There are queer male turtles in China who actively avoid openly identifying as turtles in order to protect the fandom from being seen as a queer rights movement.

Turtles are a fandom and are categorized and treated that way both by turtles and by passersby. Just a fandom of 'cute young girls' clowning over some handsome boys they ship together.

It's important that it stays that way. GG and DD cannot be seen as leading a movement, they cannot take on the role of leading a movement, and many turtles would likely not even support such a movement.

That's not because GGDD are queer, by the way - although under the current government queerness is becoming in some ways more restricted and frowned upon at least from an official perspective - it's because political movements are frowned upon*.

*That's not to say that Chinese people don't organize or protest around certain causes, but those causes tend to be more municipal or limited in scope. Broader political movements - especially ones that appear to stand against the policies of the current regime - are generally very quickly quashed.

That's also not to say that GG and DD aren't hugely inspiring to queer people all over the world, because they are.

GG and DD do not even present themselves as queer.

This is important to keep in mind. GG and DD are closeted, and are assumed by the public at large to be straight single men. 'Eligible bachelors'. This is a double-edged sword, but ultimately it protects them and protects their careers. Top stars are a lot more marketable if there's a perception of romantic availability, and relationships - even relationship rumors - can have a massively negative impact on a star's career.

Even straight married stars hide their relationship status and present themselves as single for this same reason, and straight married celebrity couples - even ones who are out as being married - who attend industry events will often pretend not to know each other in public (sound familiar?).

Coming out as (or being outed as) married or in a relationship is viewed as career suicide, and a star's numbers, opportunities and popularity will plummet. Not always, but usually. Producers and backers know what sells, and married stars just don't sell as much as hot singles do. Fans will pursue stars that appear to be single, and drop them when they marry or come out with a relationship.

Heteronormativity means the vast majority of people in China will assume GG and DD are straight, and GG and DD will not 'correct' them on that. Quite the opposite, they go along with and even at times might say or do things that help feed the perception that they're straight.

There are almost no LGBTQ public figures in China, and those who are out are not top stars.

As international fans, what we do and think doesn't matter much.

Things that happen in the international fandom are largely irrelevant to people in China, and are almost never going to have any impact whatsoever on GG and DD. What we think about them and what they represent to us is of little consequence to their careers.

For example, the ongoing i-fan debate about colored light banners is a bit of a wank because nobody in the international fandom is ever likely to be at an event where we would have to make decisions about what color of light banner to bring. Our thoughts about colored light banners are utterly irrelevant to the fandom in China.

It's really easy to lose sight of that as an international fan, and get so caught up in and wrapped up in our own ideas and arguments and debates that we forget that nothing we say do or think really has any relevance to GGDD's lives.

Our support for their projects and merchandise and brands, our subscriptions to platforms to view their dramas, our movie tickets, our fan support when they travel internationally... these things do have an impact on them and do matter, but the opinions and political ideas that we might discuss and debate here on Tumblr or even on Twitter are highly unlikely to ever reach their circle or directly impact them, whether positive or negative.

There are some notable exceptions to this. Making candy out of nationalistic posts - particularly posts about events of national mourning or major political significance - is unwise and could potentially backlash on them. More about that in this series of posts from Pie.

I talked about some of the other harmful things we should be avoiding in this post.

But the idea that anything international fans might do or say as turtles might negatively impact GG and DD is - for the most part - not a reflection of reality.

There are valid reasons to believe GG and DD value turtles and take strength from our support.

This fandom has been around for 6 years, and in all that time GG and DD have never sought to shut it down. Other dating rumors, CP, etc. have been shut down over the years, but turtles continue to be the top CP in China and the fandom is constantly growing.

GG and DD have been caught on camera many times reacting positively to turtle light banners.

LRLG rumors - which many turtles believe hold a lot of credibility - have repeatedly depicted GG and DD as enjoying our support, and have at times directly expressed GG and DD's appreciation and gratitude to turtles for our support.

Despite the fact that this fandom is hugely controversial among GG and DD's solo fans and even among some passersby, GG and DD and some of their associates continue to regularly feed us candy. This is something that simply would not happen if we didn't have GG and DD's support.

If we believe BJYXSZD, then it only follows that turtles would mean a lot to GG and DD.

There is a fine balancing act between GGDD and turtles, where we show our support and they feed us, and we all try to keep things light and fly somewhat under the radar.

But turtles aren't 'under the radar at all'. Turtles are an incredibly active, vibrant, loud fandom in China, with big events and public charity work and fan activities and banners and billboards, etc. etc. However, they manage to fly under the radar because they're 'just fans'. They're not a political movement and they're not troublemakers. They're just a bunch of fans having fun together.

They also fly under the radar by being seen as a crazy fringe group, a bunch of deluded clowns. They are underestimated and dismissed because of this, which protects GG and DD.

A lot of turtles wear that proudly because they know that they're acting as a shield for GG and DD. Turtles make it possible for GG and DD to get public support for their relationship without having their relationship outed. Turtles take all the hate and ridicule that's piled on them, so that they can show GG and DD they're loved and supported.

This is one of the things about turtles that is most beautiful and powerful. Turtles stick their necks out every day to support and protect GG and DD.

I talked about that in more detail in this post.

I hope this helps give some context about queer issues as they relate to GG and DD, and to the turtle fandom as a whole. While many people inside and outside China support GGDD and are inspired by them and view them as queer icons, the way they are framed and discussed will differ wildly between the Chinese and international fandoms, and what is said outside of China won't have much of an impact on GGDD. That's for the best.

For my thoughts on the politics of all this, please see this post.

#bjyx #yizhan #ggdd in the public eye #bxg perspectives #bxg ggdd #lgbtpride

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archivalofsins · 5 months ago

Text

The Re-traumatization of Amane Momose Part 2

Today, we'll be continuing off from the previous post discussing Amane Momose's case.

In this post we'll be discussing points four and five.

Four being her father and home-life along with how the other prisoners are a danger to each other and Amane specifically.

Look I'm gonna level with everyone here I didn't want to write this.

Wha- Why?!

Amane's trial fucking sucked and I didn't really want to think about it that much anymore. Yet, I like Amane as a character and Milgram as a whole...

So, I can't keep avoiding talking about the things I enjoy the way I enjoy speaking about them even if I am anxious about the way I enjoy and speak about things that matter a lot to me hurting others in some way. I still owe it to myself to do what I enjoy doing regardless of how it will be received. The other reason was just legitimately you know when you start something and you have all this energy for it but then like you get super fucking sick or sidetracked then after a while you look back at it like oh that...

That also happened. Then I forgot all my points and my brief descriptions for myself were fucked to hell and not helpful. Because they worked solely on yeah I'll remember this later I'll know exactly what point I mean here when I discuss it briefly. Briefly names a color... Me presently with memory problems that are exacerbated through getting sick. Yeah I'm at a loss I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to do with that.

Plus, my perspective changed because I've had more time to sit with the information. So yeah... We're dragging everyone into this now more so than I was going to before. So get ready for this doozy because this isn't just the retraumatization of Amane Momose anymore everyone's getting trauma!

Even me because I have the unique fear that by continuing to do this I will get severely sick again. Like this draft is cursed. I can feel the fatigue creeping up on me. I know it's psychosomatic but still. I'm willing to let it win.

So, let's get this over with before Haruka's birthday hopefully.

4. Amane's Father & Homelife

Over the course of Milgram Amane's father is alluded to a great deal. This aspect of her character is something shared between her, Haruka, Yuno, Futa, Mu, and Kazui. All characters who bring up their fathers to varying degrees.

Amane being on seemingly good terms with her father and proud of his character is something that directly contrasts Haruka and Futa's relationship with their fathers. This is something I believe to have been done with intent. As Futa and Amane's circumstances directly parallel the others.

Futa having an absentee mother and Amane having a father who is scarcely present due to his work. Leaving Futa and Amane to be raised by parents who would more than likely dote more on children of the other gender. Something highlighted through Haruka's narrative.

Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.05 What is your father like? Haruka: I made him disappointed.

Trial 2 Written Interrogation

Q.04 What’s the origin of your name? Haruka: Apparently my parents wanted a girl. It was decided on long before I was born. Q.06 What do you think of your father? Haruka: I don’t think he was particularly interested in me.

Haruka from the beginning of Milgram brings up gendered favoritism when it comes to parenting. Through subtly highlighting that his parents from the start wanted a daughter not a son. This brings up the concept of daddy girls and momma boys.

The fact that mothers tend to dote on sons more something we see Haruka's mom do a lot when he was younger then attempt to wean him off of as he ages. Because mothers tend to become more hands off as their sons grow older so they can grow into,

22/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Haruka: Mikoto-san. Um, are you ok……?

Mikoto: Ah, Haru-kun. It’s been a while since we last talked, huh. Yeah, I’m fine. Are you doing ok……?

Haruka: Ah, I’m fine. I’ve been enjoying myself, a lot. Um, I’m sorry, for avoiding you. I was a bit scared. Of you, honestly……

Mikoto: Ahhh, yeah. I’ve been lashing out whenever I go to sleep, right? ……it’s fine. Even I think you’re right to be scared. You know, I kinda just hate that I don’t even know what’s going on myself…..haha. Ah, but despite all that you still came and talked to me because it’s my birthday, right? Thank you, you’ve grown into a good man.

Instead of growing too dependent on their mothers. They start actively going you can't rely on me for everything and withholding rewards for what after a point becomes expected behavior. This is something that's not completely dependent on how old a child is as mothers can start doing this at any time or just not dote on their sons at all.

Everyone's parenting style is different a good example of this is in Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Strikers- Also two moms be upon ye!

youtube

People will be like Legend of Korra guys Steven Universe meanwhile in 2007. They walked so other shows could run- Honestly sure yeah they did their thing. Let's stop pretending others things haven't though. By the time those shows released I'd had this for a few years- I'm sorry I'm getting off topic.

People you want good queer rep yeah and I've been having it since I was twelve I won't refuse more though.

The point of me highlighting this is two the distinct difference between these two mom's parenting styles. Which was the reason the staff included it as well. To pretty much highlight having parents will always be having parents regardless of the gender of said parents.

Nanoha is strict with Vivio thinking that if she's helped up each time she trips and falls it will be spoiling her. She wants her to be able to get up on her own even though she's young because that is what she had to do. Fate on the other hand is more sympathetic because she has a whole other home life thing going that we can't go into depth with here because it spoilers. The point is she has the character motivation to see a crying child and go oh no I need to help even if the fall wasn't that bad like Nanoha pointed out.

These are extensions of their character arcs and background personified into their parenting styles. Something that impacts how even the worst of parents tackle parenting their own kids later in life. Now that doesn't excuse anything but it's a projection of experiences onto this new life. Parents try to raise their kids for the realities that they faced even if those are no longer the realities we live in.

Simply because no one can ever know when those things will become reality again. It's not reasonable, fair, right, or justified. It just something that impacts how we treat those around us.

And the example I just gave shows it can start much younger than the age Haruka was. Sometimes you can just skip the doting step immediately if a child's environment is hostile towards them and their parents believe the child needs to be prepared that coddling will not happen. In fact there are forms of attachment in childhood that are viewed as formative from when you're a baby.

If a baby doesn't cry it has psychological implications and how parents respond to a babies crying can impact the sort of attachment the child has to the parent. Haruka is shown to have anxiety around growing close to others and fear of being abandoned/discarded.

This is possibly something rooted in his childhood as well. As the fear mirrors his relationship with his mother. Who dotted on him to start and then began moving further and further away from him as noted through his lyrics,

"Why is it breaking? Tell me why? Please don’t change."

This leads into his anxiety around people changing their minds on him later. Along with serves to explain his volatile reaction to the fact that Es can change their verdict now.

One could say this aspect of Milgram is something that causes Haruka great personal distress and fear which he then displays through bursts of anger. As though being placed in such a situation is forcing him to relive the same trauma that got him into this predicament to begin with.

"Don’t leave me alone, don’t leave me- Why was I born like this? Why does it hurt so much?"

The same reasoning used to draw this conclusion on Haruka can be applied to Amane. Yet, Amane doesn't seem to have trouble with attachment though. She's a very straight forward earnest child. She's not against saying what she feels, verbalizing her needs, or stating when someone is doing something that causes her discomfort.

Her attachment style seems very secure and open.

Well not necessarily... Let's look into the information on this further and try to discern where Amane and some others may fit in the attachment styles based on what little we know about their home lives.

Firstly let's look at what NIH has to say on this matter,

There are four types of infant-parent attachment: three ‘organized’ types (secure, avoidant and resistant) and one ‘disorganized’ type (Table 1). The quality of attachment that an infant develops with a specific caregiver is largely determined by the caregiver’s response to the infant when the infant’s attachment system is ‘activated’ (eg, when the infant’s feelings of safety and security are threatened, such as when he/she is ill, physically hurt or emotionally upset; particularly, frightened). Beginning at approximately six months of age, infants come to anticipate specific caregivers’ responses to their distress and shape their own behaviours accordingly (eg, developing strategies for dealing with distress when in the presence of that caregiver) based on daily interactions with their specific caregivers (7–9). Three major patterns of responses to distress have been identified in infants, which lead to three specific ‘organized’ attachment patterns.

Above is a list of the quality of caregiving implemented and the types of attachment they form.

Sensitive Loving quality of care leads to organized secure attachment.

Insensitive rejecting quality of care leads to organized insecure-avoidant attachment.

Insensitive inconsistent care leads to organized insecure-resistant attachment.

Atypical Atypical care leads to disorganized insecure-disorganized attachment.

Infants whose caregivers consistently respond to distress in sensitive or ‘loving’ ways, such as picking the infant up promptly and reassuring the infant, feel secure in their knowledge that they can freely express negative emotion which will elicit comforting from the caregiver (9). Their strategy for dealing with distress is ‘organized’ and ‘secure’. They seek proximity to and maintain contact with the caregiver until they feel safe.

Just benefits from her parents.

Q.03 What are your parents like? Mu: Kind, cool and beautiful. I’m proud of both my Mama and Papa.

Q.11 Who do you want to see right now? Mu: I miss my friends too- But most of all, Papa and Mama.

Mu displays Organized Secure Attachment.

This is displayed through how she recognizes that if she cries someone will help her.

Along with her Japanese lyrics in It's Not My Fault being able to be directly translated (as many brought up during the songs release) to her acknowledging or pointing out the fact that she is an individual deserving of pity and concern from others. That she has always been an individual deserving of this care, special attention, and prioritization. along with stating that this will never change and it has always been this way.

"I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed I’ve got EVERYTHING, everything is as I wish."

Mu recognizes that if her story is sad enough and she appears pitiful enough someone will want to save/help her.

This is also highlighted in her first song through the line,

"I don’t want tomorrow to come, I want to forget yesterday I was miserable, someone please help me."

Asking for help, displaying negative emotions, or voicing your issues to others is a sign of secure attachment and faith in the fact that if you voice these things you will receive help instead of being ignored or scorned outright.

Mu also displays she is innately unfamiliar with and irrationally upset by being ignored or overlooked. To an inconsolable extent at times. Being ignored by those she cares for or is interested in is not something she handles well. Because it is not something she has been put through often.

Mu's accustomed to having her needs meet and expects those around her to meet them.

"Hey..why don't you listen to me...? I'm telling you... Hey...HEY, I'M TALKING TO YOU!"

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me.

Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen.

Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things.

Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

22/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Hey~~~ Isn’t everyone a bit gloomy lately? I get that this situation isn’t ideal, but you’re really bringing down the mood for my birthday.

Yuno: Haha, surely even you can tell now’s not really the time for something like that right. Nobody’s really in the mood, or rather nobody has time time to deal with something like that.

Mu: Boo, how boring. You seem to be free, you can celebrate for me. Go on, celebrate.

Yuno: Wow, what a pain. I’m reading the atmosphere properly and keeping quiet. Well, you just go and have fun with Haruka. In the corner somewhere so you’re out of everyone’s way.

21/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Mu: Yuno. Don’t you have something to say to me?

Yuno: Huh? To you? Me? ……ahh, uh? Your birthday, right? Happy birthday~

Mu: How mean… Since it’s my birthday, I really wish you’d said something before I had to come and tell you myself.

Yuno: Right, right, I’m sorry. I’ll be more careful in future~ Later! Haha… things have become even more of a bother… ……so was that Mu-chan’s real personality, then? It’s probably because the guard did something, right?

One of the reasons that Mu is so comfortable with putting expectations like these not only on people she hasn't gotten to know that well yet but complete strangers (in the case of her asking the audience for help through the lyrics of After Pain) is because she's secure in the fact that she will receive it. Not only that but she believes it is only right for her to receive it.

Something she blatantly states later in It's Not My Fault if going by the more direct translations provided on wikipedia,

"It’s not my fault after all, after all! Everyone wants me to be innocent. What a relief. Can’t be helped. Since I’m always meant to be pitied-"

Beautiful day to make people uncomfortable with telling creators what the fuck they actually meant when they made something. Just a wonderful day to do that. It really is fantastic when I can use something that annoyed the hell out of me in the past to support a point now.

We've gone full circle I'm really reflecting on all of my experiences with Milgram thus far. So much has changed. Like the official lyrics of Undercover but not the ones for It's Not My Faults though. The more things change as they say... Seriously though they official translation for It's not My Fault does have grammatical errors that should be changed but it still gets the point across fine.

Here are the other lyrics in comparison.

"Because it’s not my fault I am innocent as everybody desires. I am relieved, I am always the drama queen."

These lyrics don't illustrate the point I'm making as well as the widely accepted more "accurate translation "according to others above. Except they still do support it.

Because the official translation plays on Mu's outward insecurities when she's first brought into Milgram. Along with how she's grown past those anxieties after being found innocent but is thrown back into them when Es brings up how and why they might change her verdict.

It reflects how she wants to believe she did nothing wrong and it isn't fully on her. Along with the genuine relief she feels at a majority of the audience recognizing that. To the point she again exaggerates saying everyone wanted her innocent,

"I am innocent as everybody desires."

Which couldn't be further from the truth.

While also continuing to poke fun at her own insecurities or shortcomings. Like how she's prone to being overdramatic and blowing things up into a bigger deal in her head than they actually are.

Again like saying everyone wanted her innocent which AGAIN-

No that's so far from everyone that you were closer to getting a 50/50 than Haruka was by the end of trial two. Girl that's not everyone it's barely over half.

Yet this habit of hers is something that has been repeatedly pointed out from the start of Milgram.

As this is also highlighted on the board berating Mu in After Pain. Which not only states that she just benefits from her parents but other mocking phrases that highlights she how she takes things further than they need to go such as,

“It hurts~ (cry)” "Cries at everything" "I did nothing wrong (crying imagery) ←huh?!" "Class 1-A “Trash”noki Mu-chan" (Potential double meaning, since on top of the word “guzu” being used to call someone trash, “guzuguzu” can also mean complaining.)

Her description on the Milgram website continues to highlight this habit of hers to cry at even the simplest of inconveniences as do the Minigrams too,

What follows is a rough rewording of what's in the image.

A beautiful prisoner with an appearance clearly uncommon for a Japanese woman. Despite her slim appearance, she’s the type to speak her mind clearly and rebels against the abnormal situation that is Milgram. At first, she is very wary of Es. Her every move suggests that she had a proper upbringing, most likely being born into a wealthy family. Perhaps it’s due to this that she has a high sense of pride and why when she clashes with others she quickly becomes tearful and complains.

Furthermore one of the things that showcases that Mu has a good relationship with her parents plainly is her own words. She has nothing but good things to say about her parents and implies she misses them greatly. The first thing she does in her interrogation a hostile environment is cry for several minutes than flat out say she wants her parents.

She even states in her written interrogation that she wants to find a man like her father,

Q.05 What do you like in the opposite sex?

Mu: Someone like Papa.

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with a sensitively responsive caregiver, ie, approach the caregiver when distressed.

God gave me everything, everything is as I wish.

And as Star pointed out her favorite place is also just her mothers hometown.

Q.07 What is your favourite place? Mu: Mama’s hometown of Nice. The sea there is beautiful.

A statement that not only implies her being on good terms with her mom simply due to her going out of the way to take Mu to her hometown. But also through her birthday art which has more ties to France and her mother,

Displaying full an well that she does take a certain amount off pride in her lineage and both of her parents. Yet she doesn't have some grand fixation on them they're just her parents. She has a life outside of them. She is the one being parented not the one doing the parenting-

Amane Trial 2 Written Interrogation

Q.10 What was your father’s job? Amane: After a lot of hard work, he became a lecturer. I think it’s something to be proud of. Q.19 Is there anything you wished you parents did for you? Amane: My mother should have kept her faith until the end.

Mikoto Trial 1 Written Interrogation

Q.01 Tell us your family structure. Mikoto: My mother, me, and my younger sister. My sister’s a blossoming high school student. Q.16 What’s your relationship like with your parents? Mikoto: My parents are divorced. I get along well with my mother though, she’s the one who raised me. I don’t want to make her worry.

Mikoto's Written Interrogation Trial 2

Q.01 Do you have a good relationship with your little sister? Mikoto: Absolutely I want to show her how her big bro is working hard in the big city. Q.04 What was the cause of your parents' divorce? Mikoto: He chose work over family. But well, at least that's what my mom told me, so who knows!

Mikoto actively shows insecurity and distrust in his mothers word. Displaying on paper for others to see that she isn't a trustworthy person and prone to exaggerate or embellish to get her point across. Making him uncertain about what the actual truth behind his parents divorce ways because and I quote,

"My mom told me, so who knows!"

On top of that he states she's prone to worrying and she's shown calling him within the same music video he is shown to be getting repetitive harassing and emotionally distressing calls and texts. To the point of wanting to throw away his phone all together.

I also think it's telling that his break down on the train is framed to have happened exactly after his phone call with his mother. As we see him talking on the phone to her directly in front of the same bright window he breaks down in front of earlier.

And when put together the scenes look like they happened in succession as though he hung up and immediately started having a break down. Yet, you know that's just my perspective the perspective of a person with mom issues that have thankfully worked out after repeated trial and error. So I could just be projecting I'm not above it.

I know full and well though that the last thing I'd need after a bad day is being emotionally manipulated into feeling like a failure because I,

A. Haven't visited home in a while.

And

B. I haven't called in much longer.

Because all I have time for is work and sleep. Work-life balance isn't a see-saw it's a noose and I'm hanging hoping the thread breaks.

I'm getting folded by the workforce like laundry that was left to form mildew in the wash, not put on for another rinse and instead just slapped against a wall then hung up to dry. Because we don't got time anymore this is what we have and it reeks but we carry on.

We stay grinding- Get back to work!

Getting the old you failed at your job and home life one-two uppercut ey? Sucks to be you bud but you're holding the record for the worst day speedrun one phone call after another it never stops.

Yuno Written Interrogation Trial 1

Q.07 Tell us your family structure. Yuno: Grandpa, grandma, mum, me, younger brother←Yura Q.19 Who do you want to see right now? Yuno: Hmm. My family, I guess.

Image 1 MINIGRAM EP6 "Cat's Cradle"

[6-1] Yuno: My special move Yuno: Tokyo Tower! Yuno: No reaction?? Sob... Amane: I'm not very familiar with this Yuno: My younger brothers went crazy over this Amane: You're very skillful Kya kya Futa: .....

Image 2: MINIGRAM EP28 "2nd Grade Syndrome"

[28-2] Kazui: Wow.. you're really good...? Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat Yuno: Ahh Yuno: I used to play with my little brothers, so a little.. Kazui: I can't see what you're doing with your hands.. Yuno: My brothers favorites are much bigger tricks Suu.. Kazui: Even bigger tricks?!

Yuno's Written Interrogation Trial 2

Q.06 What do you think of your father? Yuno: Didn’t you ask about my family structure before? I don’t have one, remember? Q.07 You just got given one million yen and need to use it up as quickly as possible, what will you do? Yuno: I’ll go out for a really nice meal together with my family. The rest I’ll give to my friends. Q.15 If you could have one wish granted, what would it be? Yuno: I don’t really have anything. I’m fine as long as my friends and family are happy.

Yuno takes on a caretaker role when it comes to her friends and family. Focusing solely on providing for them when given a large sum of money and saying she's fine as long they're happy. Following the trend of displaying care and paternal affection/consideration towards loved ones. With the same amount of focus on her younger sibling as Mikoto has.

Amane is also referred to as a big sister at the end of Magic. Tying the three together as older siblings who provide care to others in some way. However, Amane admits in her first interrogation that she is in fact an only child.

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

She honestly speaks in past tense knowing full and well at this point her mother is dead while her father to her admission in the same interrogation has yet to return,

Q.02 Who do you look up to? Amane: My father. He’s been away on a trip for a while, but I think that’s very honourable of him. Q.13 Who do you want to see right now? Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

This leaves two possibilities for why Amane refers to herself as big sister in Magic,

A. She may have been put in the foster care system after the death of her mom.

B. She's referring to herself as big sister for religious reasons. i.e to imply seniority to the individuals just learning about her beliefs. Similar to how Mahiru refers to herself as big sister to both Es and Amane.

It could be both of these things as well.

Since Amane admits in both her voice dramas that she wants to spread her beliefs and practices to others. Highlighting her willingness to use Milgram to accomplish this goal. Not just through her the music videos or Milgram's validation if she were voted innocent but through the individuals the prison has given her access to if the opportunity arises.

This also plays into Yuno's comfort in asking Amane for advice on her birthday.

Because if those same things were discussed with her when she was Amane's age than Yuno wouldn't find confiding in someone that age about things like that inappropriate. Because on some level be it conscious or subconscious Yuno would recognize that Amane is a child similar to how she was.

Yuno's First Voice Drama

Yuno: Hmm, it's surprisingly fun? I do have worries about how my family is doing, but… It's kinda like one of those strange, personal experiences.

Es: Fun…is it?

Yuno: That's right. The other prisoners are all entertaining, we sound each other out on various things, and the vibe's pretty nice as well. In such conditions, observing other people sure does make for great fun, you feel?

23/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Amane: What is it…… Kashiki Yuno. Don’t sit so close to me. Go away.

Yuno: Sorry for barging in when you’re getting into your worldview thing. But Mahiru-san’s finally managed to get to sleep. Humour me with some small talk while I take a break. By the way, Amane. Have you ever wished you were never born? I’ve thankfully lived a pretty fun life so far, so haven’t really. But you seem to be struggling with something. So I kinda wondered if you thought like that.

Amane: ……I don’t think that. Being born into this world is the first miracle any person experiences, and is something to celebrate. Even if after birth I was put through trial after trial, the value of that will never disappear.

Yuno: Hmm. Ok. ……happy birthday, then. It’s good that you were brought into the world, I guess.

Yuno Trial Two Voice Drama

Es: It did appear as though you were having fun.

Yuno: Yes, it was fun! They may be murderers, but they're interesting people! It puts me at ease, in a way, that we're all people lacking in something.

In the same vein Mikoto would be more uncomfortable with talking to Amane like an adult given his own discomfort with his mother's possible behavior when he was coming up. So, he would try to avoid doing it and focus more on treating her like someone her age but not demeaning her.

This is displayed in how he deals with both Amane and Futa through the portal timeline and in minigrams. Mostly the ways he restricts himself from confiding in them fully,

21/10/06 (Mikoto’s Birthday)

Mikoto: ……ah, Futa? What’s up? Did you come to celebrate my birthday?

Futa: Hah!? Like I care about your birthday. ……what’s up with you, though, you’re usually a lot more excited. I thought you were the sort of idiot who’d make a big deal over your birthday.

Mikoto: Yeah, usually that’d be the case. ……I think I must be getting tired. It’s like I’m anxious over something but I can’t really explain what it is…… Like, the feeling that I’ve been totally wrong about something. Haha, but it’s not like talking to you about it is gonna do anything.

Futa: Yeah, yeah, just like you say. Talking to me about it isn’t gonna help. ……but, it’s not like I don’t get what you’re saying. Or rather, I understand exactly what you mean. And if it’s the same thing as I’ve been feeling, then it will just get stronger as time goes on......probably. But anyway, rather than talking to someone like me you should go and bother the others. Go and get showered with their stupid birthday wishes.

20/07/15

Amane: Eh, my studies? I enjoy it. To me, studying is something I do for fun. Do you not think the same, Mikoto-san?

Mikoto: Not at all! It’s just a means to an end…… I just did the bare minimum needed to get into a good company. I actually went to an arts uni that had a pretty low subject requirement to enrol, and from there I studied curation and…… uhh, you don’t really know what that is huh. Hmm. Since your way of speaking is so mature, I keep forgetting I need to explain myself properly……

Amane: It’s fine. If there are any words I don’t understand I can look them up later. An arts university, though…… Does that mean you’re good at drawing, then? It may be a bit rude to say, but that’s rather unexpected.

Mikoto: No, not really…? I mean, I could do the bare minimum needed to pass the entrance exam though. Even though it’s called an arts uni, there’s still subjects where you don’t need to draw at all. I’m the sort of person who tries to be efficient, so I worked backwards from the job I wanted to get into and chose to study subjects like direction and management~ ……ah, I’ve done it again……

20/06/15

Mikoto: Hey, it’s kinda a bother having you be so angry and tense all the time. You should stop trying get everyone to pay attention to you.

You’re a uni student, right? You can’t act like that once you start working properly.

Futa: Huh!? Shut up. Not like I care what you say. Even though we’re in this shitty situation, you’re just chatting away, it’s stupid. Aren’t you the one who’s acting out of place here? ……also the fact you give everyone nicknames is just gross.

Mikoto: *sigh* It’s more stupid to be taking this all so seriously. I mean, it’s definitely just a reality TV program. There’s no way a real prison exists that’s this lax. Also, I don’t give nicknames to everyone.

I don’t give them to young kids like Amane, or to the hard-to-approach types like Shidou-san. I mean, I’m not giving you one, right?

Futa: ……oi, which group are you trying to say I am?

Mikoto tends to take this approach with most people younger than him. More associating himself with the older adults in Milgram but distancing himself when stressed or upset from everyone. Just like Yuno and Amane are shown to do as well.

Infants whose caregivers consistently respond to distress in insensitive or ‘rejecting’ ways, such as ignoring, ridiculing or becoming annoyed, develop a strategy for dealing with distress that is also ‘organized’, in that they avoid their caregiver when distressed and minimize displays of negative emotion in the presence of the caregiver.

Yuno interestingly enough, has a worse attachment style than Kazui. Her attachment style is more around Mikoto, Amane and Haruka's. Unlike Mahiru (who's attachment is more akin to Mu's), to use as an example, Yuno isn't as willing to voluntarily display negative emotions,

Nor does she often actively seek out her emotional needs being fulfilled by an outside party.

Instead, she focuses on how she can earn those needs being met from others (i.e. what kind of girls do you like? I know you'll respond this way if I do x). Furthermore, she shows discomfort at the idea of being pitied or pointing out her life may not be an ideal one.

Which, as you may be able to tell, is similar to Amane. This is indicative on unhealthy or disordered ways to cope with unsatisfactory circumstances.

Yuno is also conflict avoidant similarly to Mikoto, showcased by how her interactions with Mu within the portal timeline progress over the course of the trials. Instead of telling Mu the issues she has with her the moment she notices them, she opts to avoid her instead. Or if she really must deal with her simply placate her in the moment or give her a distraction.

Hoping Mu will eventually read the room and get the hint like she would be expected to. This leads to Yuno allowing Mu to do whatever she wants, even if it's clearly bothering her. Because Yuno is subconsciously expecting Mu to do what she herself would do intuit that her behavior is a nuisance to the people in Milgram, especially with how circumstances escalate between trial one and two.

Theoretically, this would indicate that Yuno was left to figure out her own problems or ignored as a baby. Which would make her less comfortable asking for or offering help overall. As she would not have the foundational knowledge for that to be something she leans into.

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with a rejecting caregiver, ie, to avoid the caregiver in times of need. This avoidant strategy is also ‘insecure’ because it increases the risk for developing adjustment problems.

Yuno starts to avoid people when showered with concern or sympathy because it distresses her closing herself off simply because it's something she isn't used to. Just like being ignored isn't something Mu is used to. Meanwhile Amane and Mikoto isolate themselves and withdraw when faced with scrutiny, negative reinforcement, judgement, stress of any kind.

Infants whose caregivers respond in inconsistent, unpredictable and/or ‘involving’ ways, such as expecting the infant to worry about the caregiver’s own needs or by amplifying the infant’s distress and being overwhelmed, also use an ‘organized’ strategy for dealing with distress; they display extreme negative emotion to draw the attention of their inconsistently responsive caregiver.

Q.02 Do you think you were loved?

Amane: Extremely, deeply.

"She’s the one who raised me I don’t want to make her worry." - "Yeah… well, I mean, some days are hard, but… I’m doing alright, don’t worry."

"But it's not scary at all, because it's love."

"It’s like what’s wrong isn’t wrong."

So I will NEVER forgive you if this is happening to me even though I’m right. - So nary a sound can be uttered a second time, I’ll crush your throat too!

Is it ok to spoil myself? - Is this selfish? This isn’t too much is it?

The strategy is said to be ‘organized’ because the child ‘knows’ exactly what to do with an inconsistently responsive caregiver, ie, exaggerate displays of distress and angry, resistant responses, ‘hoping’ that the marked distress response cannot possibly be missed by the inconsistently responsive caregiver.

22/06/27 (Amane’s Birthday)

Kazui: What’s up, Shidou-kun? You’re looking pretty down. I guess you must be tired, I’ve been relying on you a lot lately.

Shidou: Yeah, I just remembered…… today is Amane’s birthday.

I’m just getting a bit sentimental.

Kazui: Hmm, it’s unfortunate, but at the moment we can’t worry about that. ……you understand, right? There’s something that you need to do right now. And if you tried talking to her your words definitely won’t reach her. Don’t look at me like that. We’ll just wait until the situation changes. Let’s do our best.

Shidou: Yeah. I’ll do what I can. I can’t have a child making a face like that. Even though we’re “murderers”…… we’re also the adults here.

Q.07 Are there any prisoners you get along with?

Shidou: Kayano-kun has become like that, and I can’t spend my time smoking at the moment. So, the smoking trio has disbanded, which is a bit lonely.

However, this resistant strategy is also ‘insecure’ because it is associated with an increase in the risk for developing social and emotional maladjustment.

However, Mikoto and Amane could also fall under Disorganized Attachment,

Approximately 15% of infants in low psychosocial risk and as many as 82% of those in high-risk situations do not use any of the three organized strategies for dealing with stress and negative emotion. These children have disorganized attachment. One recently identified pathway to children’s disorganized attachment includes children’s exposure to specific forms of distorted parenting and unusual caregiver behaviours that are ‘atypical’. Atypical caregiver behaviours, also referred to as “frightening, frightened, dissociated, sexualized or otherwise atypical”, are aberrant behaviours displayed by caregivers during interactions with their children that are not limited to when the child is distressed. There is evidence to suggest that caregivers who display atypical behaviours often have a history of unresolved mourning or unresolved emotional, physical or sexual trauma, or are otherwise traumatized (eg, post-traumatic stress disorder or the traumatized victim of domestic violence)

As there ways of displaying attachment are not entirely consistent with any of the other three. Plus they have both been confirmed or heavily implied to have dissociative disorders which have been tied to disorganized attachment,

Of the four patterns of attachment (secure, avoidant, resistant and disorganized), disorganized attachment in infancy and early childhood is recognized as a powerful predictor for serious psychopathology and maladjustment in children. Children with disorganized attachment are more vulnerable to stress, have problems with regulation and control of negative emotions, display oppositional, hostile, aggressive behaviours and coercive styles of interaction. Disorganized attachment is over-represented in groups of children with clinical problems and those who are victims of maltreatment (eg, nearly 80% of maltreated infants have disorganized attachment). The combination of disorganization and a parental rating of a difficult temperament is a potent predictor of aggressive behaviour in children at five years of age. In addition, disorganized attachment in infancy has been linked to internalizing and externalizing problems in the early school years, poor peer interactions and unusual or bizarre behaviour in the classroom, and higher teacher ratings of dissociative behaviour and internalizing symptoms in middle childhood. Concurrent disorganized/controlling behaviour rated in the preschool and early school years related to oppositional defiant disorders in boys, parent-rated externalizing and internalizing problems, and high levels of teacher-rated social and behavioural difficulties in class. Children classified as disorganized with their primary caregiver at ages five to seven years have lower mathematics attainment at eight years of age.

These academic problems appear to be mediated through effects on self-esteem and confidence in the academic setting. Children with disorganized attachment have low self-esteem, and at nine years of age are more often rejected by peers. Adolescents who had disorganized attachment with their primary caregiver during infancy have higher levels of overall psychopathology at 17 years of age, and those classified as disorganized at five to seven years of age exhibit impaired formal operational skills and self-regulation at 17 years of age. Finally, children with disorganized attachment are vulnerable to altered states of mind, such as dissociation in young adulthood.

Now that we've gotten possibly attachment styles out of the way let's talk about one of the other parents who would instill those attachment styles, Amane’s father!

He’s noticeably absent from Purge March. It’s stated on one of the documents seen behind Amane that he’s currently absent because he is out doing missionary work. However, we already know how her father is doing with spreading the word of their church as he's shown in Magic.

This is because her father is represented by Yuri throughout her first MV.

We know this is a stand in for her father for a few reasons.

One, in Magic when the lines,

“I won’t say, “I’ve had enough.” Will you laugh with me and forgive me?”

Are sung we see this image,

Q.09 Tell us your family structure.

Amane: It was my father, my mother and me.

“I hope, I hope everyone can be happy and smile forever. Forever together would be a dream.”

All she did was dream (about having a better family guys). Just like Kazui,

"I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream."

And Mikoto- Sorry getting sidetracked. You all voted that poor girl guilty just because she dreamed of having kinder parents. Haha- I'm fucking with you I'm sorry I know that's not why anybody did that shit that was hyperbole I don't need anyone taking that out of context. I'm really just fucking around because I haven't written in a minute and I'm having fun.

Oh, my god could you imagine if I really thought it was that,

"Let’s keep it simple."

Kazui would be having a ball until the last shoe dropped that's for sure. God I hope he's having a ball because the curtain will be rising one last time eventually.

Until then let's keep swinging to the music.

We also see within the scene with Amane, Riyone, and Yuri that the other two mascots are no longer present. It's just the three of them. Something Star and I previously pointed out was odd since Gachata and Gozake were there the scene prior to this one and return for the credits.

However, as they are representative of Amane’s mothers (Riyone’s) punishment methods it makes sense for them to be gone in this scene.

Because, within a perfect dream world for Amane her mother would be just that her mother. A caretaker who she can have fun around and someone who will take care of her when she's hurt or forgive her when she messes up hence the line,

"Will you laugh with me and forgive me?"

However, the end of Magic shows us that all of that is clearly just a dream. A fantasy of how things could have been that ultimately gets broken down by the reality of the situation until the credits roll and there's nothing really left but to face reality.

Because the shows over and when it ends it's back to real life.

Leaving us with this one snippet of Amane's reality in Magic at the very end of it,

Right before the Milgram credits roll.

Which is honestly the most subtle lead in to the very on the nose display of dissociation we get after and is a scene that goes wildly overlooked. Like do a full watch through of Milgram trial one all together and see Magic and MeMe back to back and you'll see just how well one leads into the other.

One ending on this distorted tv like effect the screen in front of the character reflected in their eyes straight into the tv footage of MeMe. Like that was planning and intent right there. That's only more appreciated in hindsight.

Milgram fans will be like I dissociate to media and then vote the one character who's canonically shown doing that from jump first guilty because she's religious. Mikoto did that shit second. Oh man coming back with self callouts too this will certainly be a day. I didn't appreciate it when I should have. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.

I'm sorry can you laugh and forgive me. (Amane begins crushing my throat). Look I was born and raised in the cult happy midwest of the USA and don't trust people who advertise they're trying to spread any good word actually ever regardless of what the religion is. I just don't trust like that. Because again when cults and gangs are a prominent issue within your area you're kind of raised not to.

As said earlier, Amane's father is hardly there.

However, Amane's mother may be using his absence to use him as a tool to make Amane more obedient. Or, a better way of phrasing it, more willing to listen to her specific version of their religion. This would offer an explanation as to why there is a picture of him on the back of their front door. It would make it all the more easier for Amane's mother to point at it, citing that she's not acting in accordance to his teachings, or that what she wants Amane to do does. Also explaining why Amane says that she wants her father to praise her in one of her interrogation questions.

Q.13 Who do you want to see right now?

Amane: My father. I want him to praise me for all my hard work.

It explains the discrepancy of her father's presence in Magic when Amane is found helping the cat vs his absence in Purge March.

Since we know in reality that Amane's father was present for any of this but her mom was told after. Yet Yuri is still shown disappointed in the background and Amane has stated one of the goals of her actions was making her father proud. Couple with lines such as,

"I’ve made up my mind so they don’t make that face at me again."

Along with the fact that all of the other mascots faces within Magic are blank and Yuri is the only one visibly disappointed or upset by Amane's behavior. It's pretty likely that this is a case of separate parenting styles and their impacts on Amane being displayed through her songs.

Something Amane brings to the forefront during her first voice drama as she states that her parents would have lectured her for another hour if she were late to such an appointment. Giving the impression that when her parents were both involved in reprimanding her the punishments were a lot less severe.

While making it seem like her father was more prone to voicing disappointment in her not through physical scolding- Something the mascot Yuri is shown to dislike doing but verbally.

Re-contextualizing Amane's repeated lyrics of,

"I swear! I'm going to be a good girl now! That's it!"

As a promise she's making to her dad after having it explained to her why her behavior was wrong or inappropriate. Something that would also give a different meaning to the right answer, wrong answer animation that happens near the beginning of Magic.

Yuri is also the only one of the mascots to not have the cults double cloud symbol on their body. It's only on the collections box he carries. Denoting that her father may not follow the same beliefs as her mom or at least not as strictly.

Then as I brought up before Yuri is the only one to show hesitance when physically punishing Amane. He even appears visibly upset when made to do so. In contrast every other mascot that is used to represent her mother or her mother’s forms of punishment is shown to either be indifferent, disappointed or at peace with delivering these punishments.

I also find it telling that all these punishments are delivered in separate closed off spaces without the others being visibly present when they are cycled through.

Yet, the one time that Yuri is present for a punishment it is the lightest one Amane receives. More than likely representing how her mother knows her behavior is out of line and she does not behave this way when her father is present due to understanding that.

Something already implied through the scenes described and shown above and how they are separated from each other when the harsher punishments occur. Furthermore, despite the punishment being lighter Amane still braces herself expecting her mother’s punishment to be the same as it is when her father is not around.

Then to add onto this instead of looking at Amane Gatchata is instead looking over at Yuri’s to gauge their reaction. Their left pupil being slightly higher than where it would need to be to look at Amane.

Those are all of the reasons I believe Yuri to be a standin for Amane's father.

Now, by this point many have noted that the purple in Amane's eyes is a color unaffiliated with the cult. However, the color is not unaffiliated with Amane or her behavior within this cult environment.

In fact, we see the same color in Magic,

in conjunction with orange.

These colours seem to represent ideals that have been instilled within Amane. Orange being from her father and purple being from the school she attended. These ideals conflict with her mother's teachings, so would lead to long term conflicts between Amane and her mother. As talked about above and within the previous posts, her mother's and father's teachings don't fully align.

Amane is also alluded to watch a tv program which prominently features a character called a "Healthy Tomboy".

As you can see, this character (as depicted in Magic) has band-aids for ears. Implying that one of the reoccurring themes of the show is to teach how to provide light medical aid to those that may need it (for example... maybe tying a handkerchief around a cut to prevent infection and further bleeding?).

This plays into Shidou asking Amane to help him when she confronts him on his behavior,

22/10/24 (Shidou’s Birthday) Amane: ……Kirisaki Shidou. How long do you plan on continuing this foolish behaviour? Shidou: I wonder what you might be referring to there. I’m just doing what I need to do. If anything, I’d be happy if you would lend me a hand. Amane: I warned you. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this wickedness taking place right in front of us. You’re bringing ruin unto yourself. Do you understand? Shidou: No, I don’t understand. It’s my job as an adult to teach you that throwing a temper tantrum isn’t going to make everything go your way. If it’s a test of endurance you want, I’m happy to oblige, Amane.

There is also just the matter of what she would learn at school, such as things like science and biology. Incidentally, kids being taught things like this at school is why in the states, deeply religious families choose to home school their children instead of allowing them to go to a public school. As it gives them a larger degree of control of what exactly their kids learn and internalize. However, this is something that is not allowed in Japan, thus not an option either of Amane's parents are able to choose.

( Star here! Learning about science and biology would highlight how you could help with preventable issues and how leaving said issues to fester could make things worse for the person experiencing them. This would probably stick with Amane, as a long standing trait that we've seen her have is compassion.

Furthermore, this would be exasperated both by the fact that Amane's father doesn't seem to stay at home very often and the implication that she was very much favoured by him when he was around. This might have led to Amane's mother not only taking out her upset at the disconnect between her and her daughter but also a twisted envy/frustration at Amane taking her husband's attention. Which, I need to specify, isn't a good reason to abuse a child but it does add context.)

5. The Threat All the Prisoners Pose

Now we're going to speed through this one by one. Because there are a lot of threats the prisoners pose and also I'm on a deadline because Haruka's birthday is today!

So to make this easier on myself let's talk about the risk of each prisoner alongside how much of a threat Haruka can be considered to them based on his own admission.

Since he states with not much prompting that he can kill anything smaller than him.

"...You're. You're so mean... I, I-I can kill anything that's smaller than me, you know!"

Before attempting to attack Es. Which people loved to forget during his trial but Amane with those scissors am I right? Like I know she's Innocent and he's guilty but like in hindsight... I really didn't see this aspect of his case being discussed or highlighted as much.

Especially when it came to arguing for him being guilty where this information would be the most helpful for pushing the idea that he should have been. Honestly I wasn't making that argument myself I was in favor of a 50/50 or innocent again because clearly people changing their opinion of him is very triggering to him.

Yet I wasn't that involved with the fandom back then. I was more just starting and this blog didn't even exist yet. So maybe others did argue that and I didn't see it.

However, most of the arguments in favor of him being guilty were more focused on either his safety or Mu's. Something I wouldn't point out so heavily if the same thing didn't happen with Mikoto as well. Where a lot of people conveniently forgot he spent his first voice drama wringing Es out like a wet rag and slapping 'em against pavement.

Haruka is 174cm or 5"7. Meaning by his own admission he is a threat to whatever is beneath that height.

Jackalope: 80cm

Threat Level: COULD BE KILLED BY HARUKA

Jackalope is a tiny animal we see Haruka kill many throughout his songs. Chances are since we haven't gotten an end of trial commencement notice he may be dead. Would that be fucked up or what. However, Jackalope states in es' voices drama that the prisoners cannot attack administrators. Something that Jackalope himself is. So put away the cake, the party poppers, and balloons. Jackalope is either being lazy or watching the messiest shit imaginable and laughing his as off.

He's not going anywhere anytime soon unless- Mikoto can attack administrators let's hope he doesn't get a taste for rabbit. Amane and Jackalope seem to be accomplices so if Haruka did successfully attack Jackalope that would explain why in his headphone lines he's apologizing to Amane. Because he would be well aware she liked Jackalope by this point.

But it's not very likely because the barrier did stop Haruka from attacking Es in his second voice drama. So, it would more than likely serve the same function for Jackalope.

Es: 157cm

Threat Level: MENACE PRISON GUARD (YOU CAN'T KILL ME STUPID)

Literally states in Haruka's second voice drama despite spending most of Mikoto's first one getting spun like a hula-hoop that Haruka can't kill them due to the barrier that had already failed once. So, Es lucky it worked this time and they were in fact correct. Mikoto could still in fact jump Es. Because he is unrestrained to Jackalope's admission and the verdict he received did nothing to change that fact.

So, we just have to trust he won't do anything wrong which definitely worked with the prisoner he's paired with first trial. But I'm fine with wrong being done in the right direction and sometimes that's all you can really hope for on this bitch of an earth. I'm not responsible for what this dude does with his freedom anyhow.

Yuno: 156cm- 5"1

THREAT LEVEL: COULD BE KILLED BY HARU-HM UH MAYBE NOT...?

It's highlighted in Yuno's first voice drama that her attitude would not change even if Es was a large individual using violence against her.

Yuno: Isn’t it odd? Even though you’re a prison guard, you’re about my age, aren’t you? Or even a little younger?

Don’t care.

Yuno: Look, look. It’s impossible, isn’t it? To break out in a cold sweat over a face that cute.

Huh?

Yuno: [giggles] Even if you furrow your brows like that, it’s not gonna happen.

Frustrating and disagreeable beyond belief! Not to mention, I can counter your point.

Yuno: Oh, oh. Let’s hear it then?

If I were a strong man, who tried to control you with violence, I don’t think your attitude would change even then.

Yuno: Hm. Sure. Sounds about right.

Right? It’s… your very own temperament which is the problem! Therefore, this has nothing to do with my appearance. Absolutely nothing to do with it!

Yuno: Getting super worked up over it, aren’t you? Well, that’s okay. So, that concludes the first round!

Something she fully states is just about right. Not denying the assumption at all.

So, if Haruka can kill anything smaller than him then Yuno might just be able to kill anything larger than her. I'm interested to see Haruka try but like in the same way I'm interested in seeing a stoat fight a rabbit I know the stoats going to win. I'd be more surprised if it didn't.

I would not recommend anyone other than Kazui, Mahiru, or Mikoto fight Yuno. Even then it'd be tentatively like only if you have to but maybe just fucking avoid doing that.

Not making Yuno you're enemy is much more beneficial than any reward from having a conflict with her is worth. Because chances are you have a conflict with her you're losing your life too. She has admitted that no one is important to her even herself. She does not care she has gone on record saying I don't matter and neither do you.

Yuno is the type who will die on that hill with you but make sure you stop breathing first. Then if by some miracle she lives she's probably not even gonna be happy about it.

Her response to Mikoto's fight was to marvel at his strength.

"Also, Mikoto-san was also attacked but apparently it ended up in something of a draw. That guy was strong, huh—how unexpected."

Then call Kotoko an idiot for acting violently where everyone could see. Naw, I'm not fucking with her, I don't know if Haruka could kill her or not. I doubt it but it would definitely be a square up.

I just wouldn't recommend anyone fuck with her like at all. Just don't bother her.

Also she may kill Mu. Because Mu simply refuses or does not know how to read a room/take a hint and stop bothering her but I've discussed that before.

Fuuta: 165cm- 5"4

Threat Level: AN EYE FOR AN EYE (COULD BE KILLED BY HARUKA)

He could be killed by Haruka but seems to be on good terms with him. So, I don't think he would be attacked by Haruka. However, he is planning to attack Kotoko, along with possibly Shidou, and Mikoto.

Kotoko did a good job of making enemies with her actions in response to trial one and Futa is reactionary. He partakes in reactionary violence it would not suprise me if he tried to attack her.

Look when people start talking like,

Q.12 Are there any prisoners you don’t get on with?

Futa: Can you not tell by looking at my face? Obviously Kotoko.

Then maybe they just have an issue with that person and may act on it.

Yet, maybe this is a situation where being apart of whatever Amane has going on will make it so he can't do that. Since it goes against the tenants recited in Purge March. He'd only be able to react to a wrong done to him after this point unless him and Amane are both petty. Which at that point we have a different set of issues entirely.

However, it seems that Futa and Amane are more absorbed with Shidou's actions which given Shidou has been abundantly clear about extracting that fang. People should be hoping he's jumped by a middle schooler and a college student.

Makes Kotoko's life a bit easier honestly.

Muu: 162cm- 5"3

Threat Level: MOM

She's Haruka's mom if he didn't kill the one in the mvs (to our knowledge currently) I'm not that concerned about her safety when it comes to Haruka. She seems to mostly be trying to make herself useful while not handling her verdict as well as she could be.

However, since she's focused on making use of herself, chances are she's not going to be interested in causing any trouble. Because that would be counterproductive to displaying her worth in this instance. Now, since most of her utility hinges on taking care Haruka that creates a conflict of interest when it comes to him possibly dying.

Because no one else needs her. So, if Haruka were to die, she may react poorly to that. Even though she said she supported him in all his endeavors because that's what friends do. This was also one of the reasons I thought the continued foreshadowing of the suicide was odd because it would be incredibly unhelpful to Mu if he did do that.

Like that's actually just not going to help her at all and it doesn't seem like something he wants to do. It also doesn't really cover why it took him so long to plan it and why he would need to tell others ahead of doing it. The only thing that explains the amount of time it's taken is that we were expressedly told nothing noteworthy is able to happen until after the trial.

Mu does seem to be upset with Yuno and projecting the same animosities/expectations she had for her victim onto her. So, that's an issue to look out for. Oh, she seems a bit jealous of Mahiru, which has been a consistent thing. Mahiru is also still in a very vulnerable position because Shidou is simply a bad doctor, so she would be easy to kill.

Shidou: 180cm- 5"9

Threat Level: IS THERE A DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE?!

Couldn't be killed by Haruka based on Haruka's own logic. Because he's larger than him. However, he can in fact catch heat from that middle schooler that's half Haruka's size. I don't know what Amane has planned but I think that shit would be hilarious. Haruka is five foot seven Amane is four foot seven.

I don't think Haruka should have tapped out so early. He needs to expand his horrizons. He could kill Shidou. Hell, if they all work together- I'm sorry, but no, Shidou has a serious target on his back.

Not just from Futa and Amane but Kotoko as well. He pretty much successfully attempted to take her position and cemented himself as indispensable to Es something she failed to do. I don't defend Kotoko a lot (when I do, I am simply the best at it), but if she did kill him I would understand why.

The dude isn't hiding the fact that he kills kids and he's been innocent twice. He doesn't even seem remorseful from her perspective it could really appear that Shidou is taking advantage of Es because they're a child. Something she could view as him doing with his victims before this as well, depending on the knowledge she has.

Which is honestly the same thing she was doing but she dislikes herself as well to an extent. So, that's not saving him at all. On top of that, he's actively stated that he has issues with her repeatedly,

Q.06 Do you forgive Kotoko?

Shidou: No. I can’t forgive someone for trying to achieve things with violence.

Mahiru: 154cm- 5"

Threat level: INCAPACITATED???

We haven't seen her move from Shidou's sight in over a year. Her verdict changed to innocent and we have no implication of her getting better. The funniest shit that could happen is she kills Shidou for being a bad doctor. I don't know if she would and currently her mental health seems to be more of a longstanding issue. But ya know I think she should be allowed to kill in Milgram just a small bit.

I mean I really wish she could-

*the monkey paw curls a finger and she kills Mikoto*

Ah, shit I really need to stop leaving that out! The only prisoner that Mahiru has actually had an issue with is Mikoto. She doesn't seem to get along with him that well and accuses him of being a cheater off rip. On top of that their relationship hasn't seemed to improve any.

Plus, there's that one answer from trial two on Mikoto's end-

Q07. What are your thoughts about Mahiru?

Mikoto: How cruel. To think "I" did something like that, I can't believe it.

So, ah ehh who am I to say... Like that was weird wonder what that was about.

Kazui: 186cm- 6"1

Threat Level: IF MILGRAM WAS AN ALL OUT BRAWL! (Can't be killed by Haruka)

Though if we all work together as Mikoto has recommended to Kotoko- Kazui could get fucked up. Kicking Kazui's ass is a team sport. (Star: A contact sport too! :D) As Kazui said himself if Mikoto and Kotoko worked together he would be fucked.

Who knows, maybe because Mikoto was found innocent this trial by Milgram's own rules, the ones Kotoko claims to respect... Well, maybe she might work with him. And Kazui can still get his ass kicked after all. If not he has blatantly stated that Yuno is bothering him it may not be enough to act on it, but that's really the only complaint he's had, which is kind of odd.

Considering Kotoko jumped people which he did have complaints about too. But really, he's just been relaxing. I don't really know what he might do. It just seems like, at this point, he really is waiting for this to be over.

Amane: 144cm- 4"7

Threat Level: DON'T RUN WITH SCISSORS! (Could be killed by Haruka)

She only wants to kill Shidou. I don't even think she'll really be able to do that, considering there are a lot of interpersonal dynamics at play that we simply aren't completely aware of. Because a lot of the prisoners have been remaining pretty private, including Amane herself. Since she's been having Futa go around for the most part trying to convince others to join her cause.

Now, do I think she definitely couldn't kill Shidou? No. Not really. I think she could do it if she really tried. Like put all her effort into it. Yet she recognizes she would need help.

Amane has not lied about her distaste for Shidou's behavior.

However, Shidou is a man in his thirties at this point. The fact that he was willing to have a longstanding altercation with a middle schooler for any reason makes him someone not worthy of my respect. He can't respect kids, himself, his career, or his loved ones. Nothing will ever make up for the emptiness that fills that man and the worst thing about Amane wanting to kill him in my eyes-

Is the fact that he came in here wanting to be killed by a kid to begin with. I take no satisfaction in the idea that his desire may be granted. He is an irresponsible selfish man-child who would sooner let Amane kill him by jumping on the scissors she had multiple times and call that atonement than actually try to live.

Outside of that, Amane hasn't really threatened anyone else. I don't personally consider the idea of Shidou getting what he wanted from the start an actual threat. Because again, that's what he wanted.

Mikoto: 176cm- 5"7

Threat Level: UNRESTRAINED (Can't be killed by Haruka)

He's unrestrained, still. That is why he was given the restraints he was in within his second voice drama. He doesn't have to play by Milgram's rules, which plays into Kotoko calling his existence a sin during the birthday interaction she had with him.

Because his existence is literally going against Milgram's rules to an extent.

Do I think that's dangerous? No, for various reasons I've given before. If Mikoto or the other one wasn't restrained by Milgram's rules the entire trial and they didn't take that opportunity to hurt anyone here. Then, chances are Mikoto still won't do that even over the course of the intermission.

However, I'm not so optimistic or invested in Mikoto's good image to not admit- That he very easily could have chosen not to do anything during the trial to give himself more credibility. Then continue to excuse anything he does later as being the others personalities fault. It's not likely that this will not work because his second trial hung on the fact that depending on the verdict he received Mikoto (the prisoner brought into Milgram) wouldn't be around anymore if he was voted guilty and things would calm down if he were innocent.

So, simalrly to Mu, he to has a vested interest in not causing any trouble to make that appear to be the case. I can't imagine him doing anything out in the open where everyone could see.

Which brings me to my next point,

Whatever happens during this intermission has been consistently foreshadowed as things that will happen in the open and things that will happen behind closed doors.

Ultimately up to the discretion of the prisoners.

Kotoko: 171cm- 5"6

Threat Level: VIGILANTE THROUGH AND THROUGH

Vigilantes work in the shadows outside of the accepted law of the land.

Kotoko knew how to work discretely before being brought into Milgram. She may have only done the things she did so openly because she was voted innocent from the get-go. Now, she may realize that doing things the way she did was a mistake and she overplayed her hand. That as she implied in her second voice drama and mv people enjoy when others get what they deserve but don't want to feel directly responsible or connected to their downfall in any way. Meaning there's a good chance she'll just do what she did before Milgram and take matters into her own hands.

It wouldn't be anything new for her.

Yet, at the same time, it wouldn't make things easy for her either. That wouldn't be anything new since she's always been the sort to know that the road she chose to walk isn't an easy one and wouldn't make her well liked.

So, I don't really know how much that will deter her now.

Long story short, anyone could do anything at any time. That's just how people are in general. Instead of trying to predict how someone will move if you do x or y people should try to think about what they most want to do themselves instead. At least, that's the easiest way I've found to avoid having regrets.

Now excuse Star and I as we go pass out!

#milgram #amane momose #tw child abuse #tw cults

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rosie-b · 9 months ago

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WIP Reblog Game

Thank you for tagging me @coffeebanana! <3

List the titles your top five priorities for WIP updates (link your fics for new readers!)

An upcoming scene, event, or detail in each fic that you're looking forward to writing

Bonus: make a poll for your followers to vote on which top 5 WIP they are most excited to see an update on!

Then tag 10 writer friends!

WIP TITLES

(I'm not sure if these wips are supposed to all be partially posted already or not, so here's a mix of fics with potential sequels and multichapter fics)

True Blue - enemies au + kwami swap (Marinette is the Peacock in this one) (it's been nearly a year since I posted the first chapter and I really thought it would be finished by now T^T)

Guilty by Association sequel (probably) - ladrien fake dating post-hawkmoth defeat

For the Sake of a Ring sequel (maybe) - lovesquare multiverse shenanigans before it was cool (unrelated to the paris special)

A Chat Walks Into an Office series (perhaps) - crack, ladrien, and gabriel realizing he's an idiot after an unexpected reveal

Growing Fangs (someday) - canon divergent future au centered on the next generation of heroes (the dupain-cheng kids) (it's been over a year since the last update bc i wrote myself into a ditch and can't get out of it hehe)

(As you might be able to tell, I don't leave most of my fics unfinished for long; I'm normally pretty good at leaving my ideas as oneshots or finishing them quickly.)

UPCOMING SECTIONS

The Gorizilla chapter!!!!! It's gonna be so fun (and an emotional roller coaster)

Ladrien with fake dating!!! The first fic was more-or-less a setup for this exact scenario. The problem: I have roughly no ideas for which direction to take this series atm

Ok, so this fic will be the battle scene from Adrien's pov, featuring many different universes' Ladybugs. I came up with one Marinette who is literally a rose and I love her so much so I'm most excited to try to incorporate her story (gonna be a challenge though)

Finishing the series. I might honestly end it where it is, but I do have a draft of Hawk Moth meeting Ladybug and explaining what happened (she doesn't believe him, of course, and she's very concerned for her partner)

Ok, after the decade-long timeskip, Chat and Ladybug will start off as the main heroes. However, they'll be forced to give their Miraculous to their kids for Reasons™, and I am very excited to get to that part and what happens afterwards (i swear i have a plan, it's just i keep getting sidetracked)

I get distracted by new ideas all the time, so the only 100% guaranteed updates are for True Blue (within a month) and Growing Fangs (before I die). BUT. I will be motivated to work on the other sequels if you guys vote for them or leave comments/tags saying you'd like to read them!

So:

10 new people to tag is a lot, so let's see: @lady-de-mon-coeur, @nemaliwrites, @marimbles, @chai-ki, @aidanchaser, @deinde-prandium, @ninadove, @fragileizy, and @hamsteriffic (no pressure, of course! and sorry if i re-tagged you)

#tag game #wip game

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plutothenotdwarfplanet · 5 months ago

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Hi Mr. Pluto, I'm Ness! Soooo is your species called "Starman" or "Gieeg"? Or something else? Either way, you look very cool! Can we be friends?

-🧢

"It's a bit complicated. I never really left this spaceship, been here my whole life, so I can't say it out of experience, BUT, in areas where there aren't any mass produced Starman robots- Y'know, those funky looking ones, making their whirrs and bzzts. Anyways I'm getting sidetracked, uhhhh- In THOSE areas, they call themselves the starmen, meanwhile over here at the spaceship, we call ourselves the gieegs. They also look kind of noodly. Kind of."

"Here's a picture with my cousin Saturno. He's kind of rad, I don't see him much because he's off protecting our species' home planet, but sometimes he comes over to family gatherings. Only real reason I go to those anyways." "Also- Sorry for skimming over your compliment. Thank you earthling, and I'd be ok with being your friend, ever since the feud between our species ende-"

"NINTEN IS THAT YOU I FUCKING SWEAR TO"

#earthbound oc #gieeg #pluto not the dwarf planet #saturno oc #saturno not the actual grown ass planet #shoutout to guardianoftheearth btw he's really rad

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thehumanversionofthishellsite · 2 years ago

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may or may not have stayed up all night reading this book as soon as I could get my hands on it but anyway I have some thoughts and most of them are screaming.

I really loved the book. Did it have flaws? Yes. Do I care? No. I'm 22, the targeted age range is something like 10-16. When I first got into this series I was the same age as nico. It's been a long journey getting older and changing and healing. Seeing that for Nico was all I really wanted from this book.

Also, realistic relationship struggles and growth!! Loved that!! Having a chronic illness is hard, your partner watching you suffer with it is also hard for them!! Having conversations and misunderstandings and awkward moments is how it goes!! After being in a 3 year relationship with someone I love very much I'm like,,, yes!! Thank you!! I have lifelong chronic illness!! It's not going away I gotta learn to live with it it's a part of me!! My partner struggles with it but is trying so hard and I love them so much!!! But I'm so much more than a pile of suffering and that's the point!!! You choose to keep trying and that's the point the book makes!! there's a whole scene about it and it's so important!!! Will starts to be more accepting and understanding and we love to see it! Nico accepts he needs to let himself move on and that it's ok to do that and not be angry with your past self for trying to stay alive!!

I make no sense and I don't care. But also, they're cringey and memey and dumb. They're hysterical and going a little bit crazy and they love each other and like, I'm not ok. Neither are they. Its been an extremely stressful week for them.

And I don't think it's super out of character because we barely know these people!! Nico has been suffering and in survival mode almost the whole time we have known him!! Will has been a background character most of the time!! Nico was a bubbly 10 year old and Will was like 4 sentences. Nico has made occasional/awkward/dark jokes and Will was shown to be stubborn and concerned and caring because demigods are ridiculously hard to keep alive. Let them be weird and cringey they're literal teenagers. Have you been in a high school with people obnoxiously dating. They are. The worst.

Broke: camp is empty because people wanna see their families

Woke: camp is empty because will and nico are just that couple who are cringe 100% of the time and everyone just noped out

I know I keep getting sidetracked but. Point is. nico and will seem out of character because of circumstances and time skips probably. Nicos finally in a stable place and can actually process things, mans is curious about the world he's in no wonder he's a memelord the internet just does that to you. People change when they're not in survival mode, I definitely am not the same person I was when I was 16. Not even the same person I was when I was 18. Or 20. Like, mental health glow ups bring out some of the best parts of you.

AND THANK YOU PIPER I FEEL SO SEEN RN, don't know what label I fit under, I am confusion but it's ok!! I am a big ole ace spectrum mess and maybe tomorrow it'll be different! Either way the book had a lot of great moments and no it's not the same as old rr books but it was never gonna be, the nostalgia associated with the original pjo series means nothing will ever live up to those books and that's kind of just life for some of yall. fuck knows I crave the joy I felt playing crash bandicoot for the first time. I miss that time of my life and it's ok to miss that but it's also ok to move forward and find new things that bring life joy and meaning!!

anyway. I enjoyed the sun and the star and I will continue to enjoy it regardless of what other people think, I can like things just because I do, or just because they make me happy. And this book definitely made me happy. Also holy fuck I need some sleep. Sorry about all the exclamation points it's all that's keeping me awake!!

#tsats spoilers #the sun and the star spoilers #solangelo spoilers #nico and will #damn #im tired #solangelo

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heckinconfusedparade · 2 years ago

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ok wachowski family angst idea

so we know sonic has been with tom and maddie the longest and has spent more time with Tom especially, so he seems like toms favourite

and at the end of the second film maddie says something like “I like sonics new friends, especially the red one” so it seems like knuckles is her favourite

what about tails feeling a bit left out because he thinks his parents like knuckles and sonic better? Sorry if this is worded weirdly I’ve had the idea for a while 😭

Absolutely heartbreaking idea. Let’s do it.

After writing: I got sidetracked. This has become Tails’ origin story. Ended up back on track tho!

(CW: Tails is depressed, mentions of Child Abandonment, mentions of verbal Child abuse, abusive dad mention, mention of parental death.)

How Tails Came To Be

Tails grew up unloved. Everything was a reminder that nobody would ever love someone like him. He's different, and different is bad. His parents threw him away and his caretakers only ever gave him bare minimum, making sure he was fed, clothed, and bathed. He never knew a happy healthy home.

Tails proved them wrong. He found people who loved him for who he is. But sometimes.. those demons come back swinging. He's never felt peace on the inside. There's always been a dark raincloud filling his mind. He always feels a sense of doubt about himself and others.

So whenever he sees Sonic or Knuckles getting more attention than usual, he feels left out. He knows they love him, but his stupid head keeps telling him otherwise. He's never been "good" at communication anyways. He was never taught.

He knows in his heart there's no favourites, but sometimes it feels that way. Tom and Sonic are always hanging out together, and Maddie is always doing yoga with Knuckles. He doesn't have a thing with his parents. The things he enjoys are things that only he can do.

One night he becomes overwhelmed. He sees everyone doing something. Everyone is having fun. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to join. All he has to do is ask, but why won't he? Tails finds himself unable to speak up. He retreats to his room and crawls into bed despite it being in the middle of the day. He grabs a notebook from under his mattress. It's both his diary and planning journal. He begins to write about how he feels:

"I hate my head sometimes. I'm always told that I'm super smart, but then why does my head say such dumb things? I feel left behind sometimes. I don't know if it's actually something I deserve. I don't think they're doing it on purpose. 3 kids is a lot. They love me, but I sometimes feel smaller, more than just literally. I feel like it's selfish of me to want more when I already have so much. Love is a privilege. Attention is a privilege. That is what I was taught growing up. I had to earn it, but what more can I do? I want to spend more time with Mom and Dad but I don't know how to ask. Not only alone time because I want Sonic and Knuckles there too. Loneliness doesn't feel nice."

He wipes his tears from his eyes. Tails then hears the click clacks of Ozzy bounding up the stairs. The golden retriever jumps up onto Tails' bed and knocks his notebook from his hands to get closer. Tails giggles tearfully as he gets those slobbery puppy kisses. He puts no real effort into pushing the pup away, "Ozzyyy gross, stop with the kisses!-" he giggles.

Tails hears Sonic coming up. He trained himself to recognize peoples footsteps since the orphanage didn't appreciate his hobby of inventing. Tails quickly hides his book, blows his nose and wipes away his tears. Sonic smiles seeing his little brother "oh there you are! Dad wanted to know if you wanted to play Mario Kart."

"In a bit. I'm in the middle of something." Tails feels his eyes failing him. He wants to cry, and forcing himself not to isn't helping. Sonic knows. He's done it too. He immediately goes to his brother "hey, hey what's wrong? What happened, Tails?" Sonic sits with Tails. Ozzy ceases his kisses and instead lays his head on Tails' lap. Tails doesn't respond to Sonic, but he pets Ozzy. That helps him calm down a bit. Sonic leans slightly on Tails "Just havin' a bad day?" Tails nods. Sonic feels like he's being partially lied to, but if Tails doesn't want to talk about it, he won't push him. Tails leans back on Sonic. The two sit in silence for a little, Sonic passing Tails tissues to clean himself up.

Then Tom appears. "Hey, what happened to asking Ta-" Tom notices the scene in front of him. Tom goes right to his boys, "Hey, buddy, what's wrong?"

"Bad...bad day.." Tails sniffles. Tom looks at Sonic, then back at Tails "Tails, I feel like you're not telling me the complete truth. If you don't want to talk about it right now, that's fine, but I'd like to know what's making you upset."

"I'm tellin the truth.."

"Ok, I'll believe you." Tom is a sheriff. He has studied extensively on how to detect lies. Tails is having tells.

Tails feels guilty. He hates lying. He wants to rip off the bandage, but he doesn't want to hurt anybody...but he knows Sonic will understand loneliness.

Tails takes a breath "I feel... lonely."

Tom looks a little confused "Why? You have us."

"Not that kind of loneliness," Tails continues "I'm surrounded by people all the time, but still... I-I feel like I'm alone."

Sonic's heart breaks. That feeling was crushing for him, and he hates to imagine what it's doing to Tails. "I get it." Sonic says, "It's not fun, is it?"

Tails shakes his head no.

Knuckles and Maddie come up. They had a gut feeling. They see Tails is sad and they go right to him and ask what's wrong. Tails feels himself getting overwhelmed again. His ears pin back. Sonic motions for Knuckles and Maddie to give Tails a little bit of space.

Tails feels he can no longer speak for himself, so he's going to finally let his notebook do the speaking. He takes it out and opens it to what he wrote only minutes before. His tears haven't even dried on the page yet.

Maddie is the first to read. She passes the notebook to Tom then sweeps her son up into a tight hug. Tails clings to her.

"Tails, honey... I'm so sorry. I didn't know you felt that way." Maddie begins to tear up herself. She feels horrible. Tom soon joins the hug feeling the same way. They feel absolutely awful.

Knuckles and Sonic read together. They have a sinking feeling. They had their suspicions for a while that Tails was not telling them the complete story about his past. The way he jumped at loud sounds, or shielded himself if someone came at him a little too quickly was something they all had noticed, but never knew how to address.

Knuckles gulps and clears his throat “Tails.. who told you that love and attention was a privilege?”

Tails sniffles “…. My old teacher, my caretakers, and my.. biological dad. My dad was the only one to say it outright, though..”

“What?” Maddie says softly in disbelief. Tails has never mentioned his biological parents, so everyone just assumed he never really met them.

Tails gets this thousand yard stare, recalling memories that have been buried in time. Tails says “I can’t remember his face.. but I remember his voice. He repeated a lot of things. I remember how he yelled in my face whenever I made a mistake, or when I dared to exist in his presence on a bad day. I remember one time I asked him if he loved me, and he said that he would never love a brat like me. He said that any love and attention is a privilege I had to earn. Mom.. didn’t do anything. She let it happen. I can’t remember her face either, but I remember feeling angry whenever she gave me a pitiful look.”

His family feel their hearts shatter for him.

“Weren’t you in an orphanage?” Tom asks, hoping that’s not the wrong thing to say.

Tails doesn’t move. He doesn’t blink. His blue eyes continue to stare off into space, and his facial expression is plain. No emotion anywhere on him. He says “I was. Not because I was an orphan, but because they threw me away. I remember.. when I was almost 4..mom woke me up and told me that I was going somewhere. She said I was going to daycare, and that they’d take care of me there. I remember not knowing what it was, but she made it sound fun. Mom and Dad didn’t say anything when they left me. I waited for them. It took one of my caretakers yelling that nobody is coming back for me to realize the reality of the situation… one day they just walked up to me in the middle of eating cold oatmeal that mom died. I didn’t feel anything. I don’t remember how I reacted, but the caretaker got mad at me and told me I was a heartless freak. How was I supposed to react? I don’t know if she loved me. She never tucked me in at night, never defended me, never hugged me, never ever, did she even not once told me that love me. All she did.. was look at me with pity. She never looked at me like I was her son, she looked at me like a helpless creature that would soon waste away.”

Tails’ words linger in the air and repeat like a broken record on everyone’s minds.

“Tails-“ Sonic starts,

Tails snaps out of his trance and takes a deep breath, “I’m ok. I’m fine. Things got better. Thank you. Im sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry?” Tom asks, “there’s nothing to be sorry about… and thank you for telling us this. Why didn’t you tell us sooner?”

Tails thinks for a moment, then sighs and hangs his head “I dunno.. I don’t wanna talk about it anymore. We’re off topic.” Tails says sternly.

Maddie presses her cheek against the side of his head as she holds him close, “we can talk about it later, and maybe find someone who can help you.”

A smile finally returns to Tails’ face.

“Now…” Maddie starts “..Tails. Have you ever felt like Dad and I play favourites?”

Tails doesn’t respond. His lack of response destroys his parents.

Sonic and Knuckles feel like they took their parents away from Tails.

“We’re so sorry, Tails.. neither of us meant to do that. There’s no excuse for it, and you don’t deserve to be left out in any way.” Tom embraces his son and his wife, “There’s no such thing as favourites in this family. We love you boys equally.”

Tails stays silent. He nods to show he was listening.

“Let’s fix it together,” Maddie suggests, “as a family, ok?”

“Ok..” Tails mutters. “I’m sorry, I believe you, I’m just really.. like, part of me is still in disbelief that I actually managed to find someone who loved me, and that I got adopted into a real family who loves me. And.. I’m really thankful.”

Sonic goes in front of Tails and crouches down in front of him “we’re happy you’re here.”

Knuckles joins Sonic’s side and says “we are deeply sorry for allowing you to feel left out.” Knuckles places a hand over his heart “I swear on my honour to never let it happen again.”

Tails snickers. He finds it a little goofy. His parents let him go so the brothers can have a turn hugging the life out of that little fox.

“Thank you.. really.” Tails says to his brothers. “…and yes, I would like to play Mario Kart.”

Sonic laughs a little “cool, but let’s stay like this for a little longer, ok, baby bro?”

Tails has no complaints.

Tom wraps his arm around Maddie. They do love their boys, and it’s moments like these that remind them they’re doing a good job. However, they still feel like they failed Tails, and wish to make it up to him one day.

Soon, everyone stands up.

Sonic and Tails race down the stairs.

Tails yells “I call dibs on Luigi!!”

Sonic responds “you always pick Luigi!”

“He speaks to me!”

Knuckles let’s out an amused “hm.” Before turning to face his parents, “Mother, we must find a yoga mat for the fox.”

Maddie smiles “let’s make sure he actually wants to do yoga, then we’ll look for one, ok?”

“Alright. Now if you’ll excuse me, I am about to beat my brothers in a game of Karting.”

“Good luck.” Tom says “we’ll be down soon.”

Knuckles nods and goes to join his brothers.

Tom and Maddie had a long talk. Things must change. They’re going to work on including all 3 of the boys in everything.

They also discuss getting Tails a therapist, and maybe the other two boys one too.

Cause they need it.

#tails angst #sonic the hedgehog #sonic the hedghog movie #sonic 2 #miles tails prower #tails the fox #movie tails #tails wachowski #sonic #knuckles the echidna #movie sonic #movie knuckles #tom wachowski #maddie wachowski #sonic wachowski #knuckles wachowski #ozzie the dog #ozzy the dog

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helenofsimblr · 1 year ago

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Cat: It's one STUPID fucking sentence and I won't add it in! They want the piece to conform to the newest fad and much like Nickie Catzenberg, I've had my fill of people telling me what to say, when to say it, and how to fucking say it!

Elita: Lyra blinks a bit, somewhat surprised by the venom in Cat's voice. And can you blame her? Cat had always been a very kind and soft spoken woman, today, she was spitting nails.

Lyra: Yeah well, you've got a lot going on right now.

Cat: The sentence does not add anything worthy to the piece. I'm not doing it... we can take it as high as she wants... I will not damn well budge on it. Sorry, I'm just really tired and sore is all…

Lyra: No need to apologise Cat, sometimes we gotta get stuff off our chest, and we both know you have a lot to think about. Sorry to sidetrack Cat, is it ok if I can have a cigarette? Or would you prefer me to go outside?

****

Elita: Cat in fairness knew she couldn’t exile her pregnant friend into the cold. Lyra only had a T shirt on because of how hot it was in the car. Heater was bust and stuck on to full power.

Cat: It’s freezing out there, smoke in here... the fumes from the car usually overpowers any other smells in here. Sal seems to forget that I'm up here and starts the car in the morning and the fumes seem to leak up here. I'm hoping the floor guy can figure out how to stop it.

Lyra: Let's hope there's no gasoline then and I blow us up!

Elita: No laugh… tough room. I thought that was funny.

Cat: Shouldn't be, but I plan on getting a monoxide meter just in case she's secretly working for Kali and trying to kill me.

Lyra: You probably need a floor liner or something to trap it down below. Or Sal needs a better car…

****

Cat: The car is actually pretty nice, she's just not taking care of the maintenance. Not sure why.

Lyra: So, uh, you mentioned sore... did you hurt yourself?

Cat *sighs*: I didn't think so, but since sleeping on that wretched thing that passes as a bed... I wake up with sore hips and headaches too... and I'm really fucking irritable because I'm tired all the time. I have yet to make the appointments for a check in... just to make sure it's not something medical. I just don't have time to deal with it and watch for Kali... get a divorce, keep my job and remodel this place. I'm worried the nightmares will start up again. I keep waking up naked... and I never sleep like that. Always worried about having to run and don't want to do it naked… Not that I could outrun a fucking super solider anyway!

Elita: Lyra cleared her throat then took another drag on her cig and exhaled. Cat was in a bad mood. Her language was not the best, and she had a very aggressive tone to her. Does that sound like Cat to you? Because it doesn’t to me.

Lyra: Not much longer now Cat, I'm sure Stella will send you somebody up to the task. She got Judith off when she was guilty as fuck, your divorce is going to be fine. I think a lot of it is stress honey.

#ts4 #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 story #ksu #tales from the district #Season Two #crossover #tac #sparkiekong #collab #Lyra #Cat

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bexfangirlforlife · 2 months ago

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911 episode 66 (5×06) first watch notes:

I just got soooo sidetracked watching clips of Greys Anatomy for far over an hour 😅 But I gotta watch one episode today.

Yesterday I finished off Maxton Hall watching four episodes. I lowkey hoped I'd be able to ride that wave for 911, but oh well slowly working through it is

I was just about to say "why is this such a long winded intro" and then all I could think was...

Nooooooo not Mark P

Please don't tell me he's got a bigger role. He is far from an unknown actor so I fear he might not only be a 5 minute character drop in

Why is the call thingy so brightly yellow?

Code yellow. Ok got it. Nice touch

I'll take a 10 minute scene with Claudette and Taylor only, if that meant not having to go through seeing Mark P on my screen rn

Pleeaase. Spn already overdosed me with him

Not me making sure bucklemming didn't drop in to write an episode XD

Ugh now he is with Buck and Eddie. Not my least fave part of this being with my fave part 😭

Yes love that Buck is the one talking back immediately when he brings Christopher into it

So generous of you to have kept him alive...

Oh don't say family business rn

Not Buck hearing a gunshot knowing Eddie is a hostage rn. Way to close too his trauma of seein him getting shot. Way too close.

The wild look on Buck's face was gold. I'm sorry

The show mocked me. Or rather punished me for only watching one episode again by giving me a Mark P ep 😓

I did like the episode. It had so much potential but you had to put him in it...

I'm sooo tired rn, I can't think of anything else tbh

#bex 911 first watch #911 show #911 5x06 #buddie

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amazingmsme · 9 months ago

Note

I'm feeling a bit down. Do you have any tickle hc for Mark and Karen? Or any new ones?

Or even just some more Donna and Dan, I love your Dan and Donna stuff so much.

I’m so sorry to hear that, I hope these can cheer you up! I feel you, I’ve been kinda down in the dumps myself. Got a lil long, so putting some under the cut

So tickling is something that’s innocent & wholesome enough that they can engage in without being filthy sinners, but still allows them to be intimate on some level

They still prefer to do it when they’re alone. Gotta have their privacy!

They both prefer using lovey dovey kind of teases where they coo about how cute the other is being, how much they’re blushing, how cute their laugh is, etc.

Mark tends to start tickle fights more often, but that doesn’t mean he always win them. He’s just so cheeky!

I feel like he’s the more ticklish out of the two. & his spots are knees, neck, ears, tummy & palms

Karen’s worst spots are her feet, hips, neck, ears & armpits but most places are able to get at least a giggle

They’re such goofy lers & they love to get silly with their teases! Lots of baby talk & they def pretend to be the big bad tickle monster

Grace thinks it’s “gross” when they get like that with each other & she’s around, but then they both decide to turn on their admittedly bratty teen daughter because it’s been way too long since they’ve bonded as a family like this

Now onto our favorite news anchors!

Idk if I mentioned it before, but I think Donna might be slightly more ticklish than Dan. She makes up for it by being a vicious ler

They lowkey started having a competition to see who could sneak attack the other more & there’s so many news clips that came from it

She grew out her nails just for tickling. Likewise, he grew facial hair for the same purpose. Yes this happened during the tickle war, & there were fan theories about it. Ruth just about died thinking about it

Dan is SUCH a tickle monster ok this man lives for the chase & everything

A lot of times when they tried hooking up at work they got sidetracked & just tickled each other instead

When Dan tickles her, he teases like he’s broadcasting what’s happening. “And here we see a very ticklish damsel in distress. What do you have to say on the matter ma’am?” “The forecast calls for gale force laughter and a flood of giggles, so we suggest you batten down the hatches and hang tight” he’s a teasy asshole like that

Donna is the little spoon most of the time & of course Dan takes advantage of that

Donna LOVES blowing raspberries because they’re so effective on him

When they went public with their relationships, a coworker jokingly got them a pair of fuzzy cuffs but they absolutely use them

Sometimes if they’re interviewing a guest & they’re sitting between them, they can’t help but go back & forth tickling them & acting all innocent

Really hope these are able to help raise your spirits! They sure lifted mine!

#asks #shadowbrightshine #npmd headcanons #hatchetfield headcanon #mark chasity #karen chasity #dan reynolds #donna daggit #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #hatchetfield #hatchetverse

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writing-frenzy · 20 days ago

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Summery: 4 times robo N08071/Ingo held his favorite passenger + (the one time KUD471/Emmet held them.)

--------------

Warning: mentions of panic attacks, emotional trauma, characters having triggers, previous body harm. This is based on the amazing @marchy-emmet robo bros au they have, the boys one of my obsession that I wrote out. Sorry if I wrote them weird, this story wanted out and I'm still learning Emmet and Ingo's voices. Hope you enjoy the story!

___________

Prologue (before hugs)

Winter stared at his ponyta as she desperately tried to neigh at him, the poor pokemon interrupted by whimpers as its cold shook them.

"Winnie, I'll be OK, you focus on getting better and I'll take the subway... it'll be all right." Winter said, gently petting his pokemon's head, giving a little scratch at the base of her flaming main, his pokemon closing her big eyes at the touch, a sneeze coming out as she did. Combining that with her injury, his wild child was gonna be bed bound in the infirmary for quite a while.

Winter, unfortunate name aside, was a lot luckier than most other trainers when Unova iced over. He had just gone to Nimbasa Uni, dreams of being a field researcher high, only to get sidetracked down a research hole of terraflora. He was often a sight, him and his sunflora spending hours upon hours in the greenhouses, gently moving cottonees and whimscotts from their research along with other bug pokemon.

And Winter, after yet another night of thesis and studying... noticed he had missed out on his birthday, once again.

So he had decided, fuck it, and used a much illegal little hack to withdraw all his pokemon from his PC box. It wasn’t that many, just a little over the limit anyway. His frie- classmates had been busy, so he wanted to celebrate with those who he knew were always happy to see him.

Was he so glad he did that though; each of his pokemon were indispensable in this crisis.

His Raichu(Sparks) a loyal friend since a pichu, to help lead the electric pokemon, keep them in order to help keep things energetic.

Metagross(Griss), a rescue with his Ponyta(Winnie), the two only listening to him the reason why he had them. The two were vital in their own ways, Griss a wizard when it came to fixing anything mechanical not to mention a terror on the feild.

Not to forget Winne, he wouldn't be able to get anywhere in this frozen land without her, Winter had been able to actually find other safe havens due to her and actually get to them.

This is little sunshine in this frozen hell, his Sunflora(Sunny) his loyal assistant with her gardening and sunny day move, drawing in others who could do it as well, giving themsteady supplies of food and other things. She lead the gardening team, vital in providing supplies for trade and assistance for all those still fighting in Unova.

His two delibirds siblings starters (Delivery and Sweets) aiding greatly in their physical defying hammer space and plain ability to calm him. Thanks to them, he could transport more supplies to safe spaces and markets still running despite everything... both emotional and physical going on around them.

His watchhog and her mate, (Patty and Patrick), two important sentries and some great first-line defense, at least until his heavy hitter came in the form of Griss and his Ditto, (Puddle)... Not to mention every single wild pokemon willing to fight for this last safe space, Winter being the only accepted human for... reasons.

"Its fine guys, I'll be okay, I've take the subway before." Sure, it had been I'm the earlier day, when few dared to brave it, and he had been in a group. "I won't be alone guys... I'll take some of the ice pokemon with me."

"Vol!" Was suddenly announced from behind the pale blue haired man, turning pale green and icy mixed match eyes to the fire moth pokemon behind him.

"Ash? You sure you wanna come? Shouldn't you be with your mat-okok, I get it, you're coming!" Winter couldn’t help but laugh as he was lightly headbutted by the absolutely giant Volcarona. Pushing the fire bug away, the man couldn't help but give them a few scratches alongside their head, his worries feeling a bit lighter than before. "Let me get the fly gear and you an ice nullifier, and we'll be off."

Setting up the pokemon, letting most do their own thing with a couple of reassurances for the more clingy ones, the pale haired 27 year old took a deep breath, bundled up while Ash waited for them, their shiny golden wings fluttering ever so, fiery scales falling and keeping the place just warm enough.

"Alright, showtime." With practiced ease, Winter climbed upon the special harness rigged for the bug pokemon, easily clipping and securing himself in before they were off.

Like this, high above the world, with his specially designed goggles to deal with night vision and snow blindness, Unova as a land once so bright and free became a haunting waste of what it once was. Long gone was a place of peace and bonds, but a place so cold it turned its remaining people just as frozen hearted...

Or just cold corpses, trapped under layer of layer of snow...

Despite the warmth of the pokemon flying him, and the protective gear, Winter couldn’t stop the shakes in his hands as he gripped the handle of Ash's harness.

It was fine, he was going to be just fine.

But getting to the subway, Winter frowned as he realized he was in for some troubles; namely, with the new rules, some catching the eye more then others.

Do not disturb any of the security bots; they will be watching everything.

No Pokemon on or in Subway cars; all must be in their pokeballs, no exceptions.

DO NOT MAKE ANY THREATING MOVES, GESTURES, WORDS, OR ACTIONS THAT CAN BE TAKEN AS THREAT: THE SECURITY ANDROID AI CAN AND WILL USE LEATHAL FORCE IF NECESSARY.

Mismatched green and blue eyes took in the other new rules, the multiple of minor bots that were basically remote-controlled guns, and a rather intimidating android passing through the cars one by one to inspect the cabs, they closed tightly, fists tight as they counted.

123

Despite how strong the Volcarona was and how willing it would be to try, flying everywhere he needed to go was just stupid and potentially fatal to both of them, the winds during the fatal complete blackout hours sometimes the worst with the unseen dangers from ice to pokemon.

4567

It would be more efficient to just go on the subway, the underground unaffected by the ice and storms above. The subways were also much better off than the last time Winter was here as well, better security and more... people around.

89-10

... Winter could do this... he had too, least people end up actually dying from his inaction...

Taking a deep breath, the man managed to just barely convince Ash to enter the emergency medicine transport pokeball he had just in case for the wild pokemon, before entering the subway, hoping he wasn't lying to himself...

(Again)

_________________________

1) panic attack (there is a description of a panic attack here, be forwarned)

First few times Winter took the subway were no problem. Relying on Ash and his mate, Char, to get him from home to the station was the easy part, especially with Puddle insisting he come a long a few times, the journey to and fro was simple. Winter used both the subway and his partner's help to transport food and supplies, in turn trading for his own goods and services he needed, like spare parts and manuals, to other foods he could get his hands on.

Winter had also managed to get some information gathered on Plasma movements, getting the data and messages moved easily among the supplies he had to the Resistance. Hopefully it'll help this big plan they're cooking up.

And with no one interested in talking, either stuck in their own thoughts or enjoying the actions of the entertainment android on the screen or in person, Winter was usually left alone.

But as things go in life, it can't all be smooth sailing over the icy desert; life can't give you wins without some losses after all.

It started with only a minor one.

"Welcome, wonderful passenger's! Today, subway train 10 on the green line, cab number 4 gets to enjoy my presence! Come in and enjoy the ride, we have plenty of fun games and other activities to do." Was announced by the famous entertainment android itself, KUD471 or Emmet as some of the passengers have taken to call the friendly bot.

Stiffening, Winter closed his eyes for a minute, taking a deep breath in and out, hand gripping the pole just a bit harder. It was fine, the ai robot wouldn't approach anyone unless they made eye contact or approached them first.

It would be fine... he just had to make sure he didn't look at their face... or anyone elses.

"Don't make any sudden actions and we'll be just fine pal." Was suddenly said by his side, the cheerful tone a poor disguise for the threat that came out. Winter stiffened even more, his fist now pale beneath his gloves from the force he was putting on the pole. "Just need you to walk with me, need you to answer some questions I have and all? Can you do that for me?" As this was going on, loud music started to play, the bot putting on music to lift a few cheers from others.

The former college student couldn’t breathe.

"We're beautiful, like diamonds in the sky~ shine bright like a diamond~"

Winter couldn’t breathe.

"Hey, look at me when I'm talking to you friend." With that, Winter was turned to the man who was threatening him.

And saw the smiling face.

Haven't we been friends long enough?

Winter screamed, force once used to keep him in place used to push that man away, back away as he did, only to find himself backed into a wall. Breath not coming in, everything much to bright and loud at the party, too many people around him, Winter sobbed as he realized there was no way out, nothing he could do.

He would only be able to stand there and take it.

Nonononopleasenodragons help please.

Smiles. Smiles all around.

A smile approach them, purples lights shining above.

"Nooooooooooo." Winter whines, mismatched eyes swollen but unable to stop from seeing the smiles around him, panic the only thing on his mind, clouding everything around him.

And then he feels cold arms around him, metal and with no give. Looking up, Winter takes in no smiles and red eyes.

"Griss?" And like his fears have all been wiped out, Winter goes boneless as he is held in strong metal arms, feeling the reassuring strength hidden under the soft padding the pokemon usually puts on to try and give better hugs with no freezing and sharp angles. "Griss I'm scared, I wanna go home."

(For his part, N08071 stared at the suddenly cuddly human, his attena moving back and forth like crazy as he sent his brother messages. He had intended to sedate the poor panicked human after he had subdued the cause of their panic, taking over as there was no sign his brother would be able to calm them.

He did not expect to be able to do what his brother couldn't.

-Emmet! What do I do, the human has suddenly calmed and I do not wish to put them through further turmoil after they have just found peace! I have been remiss in my knowledge in first aid for panic attacks, and could really use aid in turn.-

-I am Emmet: Don't worry Ingo, you're doing great. They've probably mistaken you for a pokemon, a steel type with red eyes. Keep them red for now, and start guiding the human in breathing exercises either nonverbally or with metallic noises. I'll ensure our unruly passenger is dealt with in the mean time.-

With the less of a second communication between the robots, each went about doing their own course, Ingo gently leading the human to calm before passing out, while Emmet made both a game and an example of the man who dared to disrupt their passengers.)

_________________________

2) might as well ask for it

There was a sticky note on the former gym leaders back.

POKE ME C:

Just... there, on the former Dragon type leader's back.

Hmm.

"Hey... Mr Drayden?"

"Hm?"

"You got a little something on your back." At Winter's words, the man sighed, even as his lips did get a little quirk to them, judging how his beard moved a bit.

"Let me guess, it says kick me?"

"... Poke Me."

That made the tired man huff a bit, mouth hidden by his beard, whatever smile his eyes hinted to hidden.

(Thank Arceus)

"Troublesome bot; if you take the subway, be wary if the white robot offers a hug; usually a means for a prank." Even as he sounded scolding, the elder man couldn't hide how he was softening even as he took the note off from his back.

Hmm, if Winter remembered right, the old man's brother was an infamous prankster when he was alive, his tricks legendary, and still found in the remains of the internet for those who could afford to have it... the bot's little trick probably brought back fond memories for the elderly man.

"Of course, most people have to ask for hugs, safer to ask them than people who could abuse it after all... so you should be ok... speaking of the subway, could you get these letters to Elsa while you go." The man says rather off handily, getting a blink from Winter.

And thus lead to Winter once more greeting the subway bots and their maker...

After last time, finding himself waking up in the security bots arms, tear stains on his face along with the red blush of embarrassment, the two had been stuck in an apology spiral till the rather electrifying woman came and put a stop to it.

"Instead of apologizing, how about thanking them instead?"

And that has been the end of it. Winter has seen both bots a few times after that, always nodding in greeting to them both, even if he had to nod to KUD471 or Emmet's as he preferred, hat. He's wanted to actually thank them with more than words, but honestly, what does one give to ai robots? If nothing else, he wants to give them something, at least they'll like it.

So he got them a shiny fake thunderstone keychain clicker because if Emmet doesn't scream electric, he's blind. For N08071 or Ingo if he's correct, he found a three-way fidget spinner shapedlike a Chandelure, something that can at least be traded if the bot doesn't like it.

He just has to give it to them... something he has a chance for since he's waiting with them for Elsa to get back.

Yeah, he's just trying to escape reality right now.

"Have you been OK?" Was suddenly asked, making Winter jump from the loud voice, turning to see the green eyes of the Security bots, who look almost frozen, if not for the way their attena was wiggling.

... Fuck it.

"Fine, just nervous... I have something I want to give to thank you and your.. brother? Compainion?" Winter says, getting two surprised blinks from the bots, the lightsbin their eyes seemingly glitchy as they do it..

"Ah, Emmet is my brother! But thanks are not necessary -"

"I am Emmet. I want presents."

That gets a snort from Winter, but he does take out the items, having carried them in his front pocket of his jacket, just in case. Giving them to the bots, he watches as they both take them in, Emmet enjoying the clicking option on the keychain, while Ingo seems entranced by the fidget spinner, messing with the three levels in it with ease.

It's this that Elsa walks into, amused even as she squints at them.

"I see you guys were having fun without me."

"These items are both simple yet highly addictive, I feel I could lose minutes just analyzing them." Ingo exclaims, Emmet letting out a chipper beep sound in agreement. Winter could feel himself relax, just a bit, that the two did like the gifts. Though going over to Elsa, he was surprised by the look of suspicion in the former gym leader's eyes, but accepted it as part of their world, passing her the letters, Winter was about to leave when she called him back.

"Is there anything you want in return?"

Blinking at the unexpected question, as his mail trade and supply support prices were done through most of the resistance forces, Winter's was gonna be a bit blunt in asking what she was talking about when words from another gym leader came to him.

"-Ask for hugs, safer to ask them than people who could abuse it after all..."

... was the pale blue haired man that touched starved, that desperate for affection he would turn to a security bot because he couldn't trust people?

(Sticky warmth of bare skin and leering smiles...

...Yes, he was.)

"...Could I possibly get a hug from Ingo? Only if it is possible and not a bother to you of course, I know your time is busy, keeping people safe, moderating through the smaller robots and such-" Winter rambled, get surprised and stunned looks all around.

And then he felt hesitant, but firm arms wrap around him, making Winter stop his rambling as he realized the Security bot cam to him on his own...

It was a good hug, a lit warmer, what with the bots in an air controlled room all this while... it was a good warm.

So focused on the hug, Winter forgot there was two other people in the room, watching and still stunned.

(Sure, people were grateful to the station, and have even given gifts before... but their was always an ulterior motive.

People wanting an in at the subway, information on various things, bribes and much more has come through their doors... and Winter, one of the most mysterious guys in all of Unova, always having food and good people would kill and die for, always willing to trade and aid the resistance however he could, asking for very little in return... it left people on edge, wondering when he would demand more.

But watching how this obvious young man just melted in an unsure Ingo's arms, the body in turn relaxing into it as well, Elsa came to a rather tragic understanding.

Winter was just a broken person who wanted to help...

As for Emmet, as happy as he was that his brother got to share in the joys of hugs, a slowly building, worrying suspicion came to him, things Elsa realized and yet more came to the entertainment bot... things he would have to figure out.

And thus, came about a most interesting friendship with bots and man.)

_________________________

3) pictures taken

"Emmet has a camera. He knows how to use it." Was said by one of the many smaller android bots Emmethas taken to making, this tiny one looking much like Ingo with its green eyes and darker mini coat. Chuckling as he sees the bot raise its little plush-like arms up for 'upppies', Winter picks them up, snorts as he sees the little, yet rather heavy guy place it's hat on his pale blue head.

"What are you doing?"

"Marking my territory!"

"Does that mean it's my hat now?"

"Nope! You're mine now!"

Click!

Blinking in surprise, both human and bot turn to see Emmet with his little face mask on, smile hidden behind as he waves it.

"I am Emmet. That was cute. Yup. Great shot too." The robots cheer can't be hidden no matter what, making Winter give an uneasy, but real smile back.

Baby steps.

"Hey Emmet, I see Elsa finished your maintenance first, huh?... did you have anymore food stuck in you again?"

"Not this time. I have become better at accepting gifts from passengers." So saying, the entertainment bot lifts up their new camera, obviously pleased as punch with it.

"That's good-oh, do you want down little guys? Hmm?" Winter asked, only to get confused as the bot shakes it's head, excitedly bopping their tiny little arms on his own arms.

"Ah, KU70 wants you to hold him like a baby." Emmet motions, gathering his feathered boa like it's a baby. Raising a brow, first at the bigger bot, then down to the little one, Winter shakes his head before doing as the little guy wants, preceeding to hold the smaller mini version of Ingo sans hat like one would cradle an infant.

And of course it's when Ingo comes in.

A part of Winter sighs at just how much the other's presence relaxed him, while the other part is too relieved he's there.

"Ah Winter, you just missed Elsa leaving the other way! You can still catch her if you have any business with her." Ingo said, getting a nod from Winter in understanding.

"Just some mail and packages someone requested I pass on to her-" and here Winter couldn’t help but cut himself off, watching as Ingo tried to smile at him.

It... was a good attempt, despite how crooked it looked. Enough to give Winter pause.

"Winter?" And now Ingo went back to his frown, his green screen eyes widening as he saw his friend stutter, trying to scan for anything he could.

And Winter couldn’t help but feel like shit for it.

"I'm-I'm fine, not gonna cry."

"Its fine if you need to. We're here if you need to destress." Emmet was by his side easily, his cold hands on the back of his neck easily calming Winter down from his little scare.

"I'm fine, just didn't expect the smile, I'll be good in a bit." Winter explains, not realizing he's closed his eyes till he feels soft pats from KU70 still being cradle in him arms.

Oh thank Arceus he didn't drop them.

"... Smiles are a trigger for you, aren't they." Winter pauses, taking in those words and just how... sad they are. Looking to Ingo, who looks unsure for a moment, the human sighs as he motions the other to him, one arm holding the little guy, while getting a one arm hug from the much bigger security android.

"It's something that happened long ago and something I don't usually have to worry about, sad as it is... I'll be OK, I do have support at least."

Click- is the thing to interrupt the moment, getting attention once more on the picture taker.

"I am Emmet. Remember, you also have us now as well. We may get rusty, but you can have our shoulders to cry on if need be."

"I got it, let go of humans tears, save pokemon tears." That gets the two worried robot interesting looks on their faces fromthe old kanto saying, even if there is some confusion there.

"I'm sorry, but what do pokemon tears have to do with this?" Ingo asked, getting a nod from Emmet.

"Oh, yeah, you guys probably don't know much of Kanto myths and legends. If you like, i can tell you?" Grateful for the subject change even if the conversation wasn't too detailed...

But was enough to confirm two ai's suspicions.

(They are Emmet. The things they do, the things he says, scripted and made for joy. To bring any bit of cheer and smiles to this cold land. To make others forget the misery of the cold so they can keep moral up. He himself has built his own code, learned mischief and pranks for good-natured fun themself.

He is meant to being smiles with his own smiles...

And yet... he can't do that with Winter.

No. Because some had made it to where Emmet's whole purpose. The thing he was made for. Is. Someone. Else's. Nightmare.

Someone had ruined smiles for Winter.

Someone dared to hurt the man with a smile on their face.

Emmet looks over to his brother, Ingo's eye screens edging red around the green, the entertainment bot's own eyes probably going a more redish purple himself over the rambling man's head.

It would be for the best for neither android to ever meet the one who hurt Winter. They'll probably do something they won't regret.)

_________________________

4) before the grand fight

It was finally happening. It was becoming real.

The last fight for the fate of Unova was to be decided soon. Led on four fronts, three for the dragons and one to face a genius madman in his tower. Each team was decided for their skills and minds, each the best to handle what was to come for them.

Ingo knew him and his brother were the best to handle the monster that the scientist Coltress had become. State of the art ai supercomputer intelligence against enhanced pokemon hybrid that was the scientist now.

It made sense: no human could handle the man.

He just wished Winter hadn't been the one chosen for his and his brother's team... but as the man could command and order so many pokemon around him, he was the best chance any of them had at breaking through Coltress's observatory and making it to his command center.

But still, Ingo could fully admit hr did like it, if to no one but himself.

"I am Emmet. I do not like this."

...and of course Emmet.

"Come on guys, time to look alive and face your Haunters... we do this right, we could see the sun again." Winter himself said, grim faced but mismatched eyes ever so determined, a five-o-clock shadow on his face forming showing how much focus the man was putting into this.

Ingo was liking this even less, scanning over the 29 year old, the two years they have gotten to know each other just increasing the security bot's want to wrap the other in cottonee cotton and hide them from the world.

"Is it really-"

"I'm coming with you Ingo, Emmet. I'm not leaving you with that monster alone." Was Winter's firm words on the matter. Even as his nervous little smile broke through.

"I won't say no to a hug before we go though."

Emmet huffed, "I am Emmet. I'll hug you after this is all over." His words getting a huff from Winter, before the man turned to Ingo with open arms.

"Well, gonna leave me hanging?"

Never.

Holding the shorter human, Ingo couldn't help but be struck by the analysis he could make about them. After all this time, besides Elsa, no other human has been as welcoming as Winter, had as much trust as the man did in that Ingo would protect him, wouldn't hurt them....

A trust Ingo doesn't even have on his worst days... when everything he scans as threat and hostile, the world much too loud and it feel like there is no one he can trust... Ingo is so, so blessed to have people like his brother, maker, and friend.

In this fight for the future, come what may... he will protect them.

(Green eyes watch in horror, his processors stalling at the scene before him.

"Hmm, never tested the solution on a human, never had any resources for it to test it, but this is interesting. What could destroy technology seems to only act as an small acid to a human, not even damaging much. Pity." The Monster they were fighting actually sighed, looking bemused at the human who got in the way of the chemical attack meant for the Security bot.

Winter stood tall, teeth gritted even as his hands balled into fists, everywhere the liquid had touched burning into him.

But that was not the end of his pain, as the man, still injured, used his own body to disrupt the entire energy supply of the tower, cut off all of Coltress's weapons, leaving just the pokemon hybrid himself.

But in doing so, Winter had to take all those Volts of electricity himself.

... Ingo. For the first time, he screamed as he and his brother took down the mad scientist, no regret for the loss of life the first time in Ingo's life.

No, he had more important people to worry about.)

_________________________

+ Emmet.

That couldn't be Winter. His sensors must have been damaged in that fight. The lightning was affecting them negatively, to where usually perfectly running system operations were malfunctioning. It must have been a bug, one Elsa missed in her frantic checks.

That. It...

It just couldn't be him.

"Hey boys, looks like we did it." Winter smiled blacken and red, looking all the more broken for it.

No. No. When Winter finally. Actually smiled, it was supposed to be fresh and new and wonderful. Something Emmet liked to theorize would be small but wonderful, like the flowers people liked to paint and make from paper.

Not this bloodied, burnt, near peeling grimace of pain and tiredness. Not defeated and triumph at the same time, eyes glazed in tears but also relief, so alive even as they were dying.

Because they were.. dying. They had taken on who knew how many thunders worth of electricity (no, he could-wouldn't calculate that.) There was no way he could survive it. No way any normal human could survive that, on top of whatever experimental drugs Coltress designed that Winter took into their system, taking that hit for Ingo. (He would have lost his brother if he hadn't done that-Dont).

It wasn’t right... it wasn’t fair. (Then again, when was anything about this world fucking fair?)

This frozen land was finally able to thaw... but they lost Winter with it.

Ingo was long since by the man's side, metal hands hovering over them, calculating just like he did where to touch him, how to administer first aid, anything that could be done.

Only with their advanced ai telling nothing could be done.

"... do you think I c-could see the sunrise? The first of many to reach us?" Winter's breath comes out more ragged, choked on the gore that most likely makes up the patchwork that is their body now.

At his brother's side, Ingo makes a sound between a screech and metal banging together, his attena frantically flapping as he stares at his first friend, losing themselves to the natural process.

Taking a false intake of air, letting his own attena lie flatly upon his head, Emmet gently goes about the process of picking them up in a way to cause the least damage.

"Emmet! They're-"

"T-thank you... I really need to see it..." was the quiet words that broke his brother off, mouth closing as those robotic green lights for eyes stared, angst and fear filling there in those usually calm observational features.

Gently, ever so carefully, Emmet made his way to one of the observation decks many shuttered windows. With no hybrid mad man in control, it was little work to take control of the window features, letting the metal shutters open once more, only this time, not for something destructive.

No, it's to let a light shine that hasn't been seen in years.

... it's not as warm as the subway should be... but his sensors are picking up a steady increase, slowly but surely...

It is pretty at least, the colors of red and yellow reminding the robot of joltiks and boldore, the reds and yellows shining as they break from the dark clouds. (Though speaking of joltiks, there sure are a lot around them now, looking rather teary with Winter's other pokemon, the pokemon openingly sobbing at their Trainer's pain, more from the college joining in in shared pain.)

"Its... wonderful..." is said, Emmet looking to his broken human friend, that smile sure to be immortalized in his memory banks, even after his robot body is tossed to the scrap yard. Those tears finally fall, and Emmet curses his uselessness once more, that he can not save his friend after everything, that his brother will lose his only friend in the end when this hopeful future is just a head of them.

Against his programming, against all he knows, Emmet wishes for once in his life, a miracle, even knowing it is impossible...

Seems life just lives to show him how unfair it is.

-ABNORMALITIES DETECTED-

Is the notification that gets his attention, lit up screens for his eyes widening, both trying to take in more of the area and stunned disbelief.

Strange, odd glowing blue drops surround his dying friend, seeming to enter him and surround him.

"What-"

"It's coming from the pokemon... it's their tears." Ingo states, voice stunned as he is feeling.

Pokemon tears.

Both remember a conversation ever so long ago, rambledas it was but never forgotten.

"You don't think-" but the words are stolen from Emmet, fully taking in all the pokemon just in the room with them, from the ones they released from the experimental rooms, to trainer pokemon they liberated, from even wild ones that came to their aid. To all the pokemon who helped in their battle, Winter's own still crying their hearts out.

Here they were, at the ruined battlefield, each of their tears coming to the aid of the human that helped ensure the day to be saved.

And with a gasp and a flash of blue, Winter was practically brand new. Watching at those mismatched pale green and icy blue eyes blink slowly open, Emmet could only find himself staring, every bit of themselves completely still.

Before he burst out laughing, hugging the suddenly confused Winter close, twirling them around as he did.

"Oh BRAVO" his brother yelled, noise controll the furthest from either of their though processors as he proceeded to pick both of them up, hysterical laughter and tears all around.

... the world still wasn’t fair, there was still going to be a whole lot of annoying work and people around... but...

That didn’t mean it still wasn’t worth living in.

‐-------------

I.. have so many thoughts about this au, not even funny. But what do I write about?

Robo hug. Nothing but robo hugs.

#pokemon #subway masters #submas bros #submas #submas au #Ingo #Emmet #writings #drabble #there is also a multiple like KU70 just he was the one who wanted to be loved most #but they all love Winter #Pokémon oc

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