#okay well i'll accept it
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Ride 757: A small tremor
Pag 1
2: Raging waves!!
3: Swirling ocean currents!!
Pag 2
1: Danchiku!!
2: We're now in the land of the decisive battle, Kyushu!! In Shimonoseki!!
Calm down, Issa, this is Moji. Shimonoseki is on the opposite shore, it's in Yamaguchi Prefecture
3: 1000 years ago, the final battle between Genji and Heike happened here
Pag 3
2: You know that because we did it recently in Japanese History? So you were awake....
3: The master fencer Miyamoto Musashi and Sasaki Kotaro had their duel in the close Ganryu Island!!
Ah... almost, but not really. It's Sasaki Kojiro; Kotaro is a friend of yours
5: Here!!
6: Here it's the starting point of the Inter High!!
8: Us!!
Pag 4
1: Let's become the best in Japan
Danchiku!!
Pag 5
2: Uh......!!
I came here just to chaperone you.... and I was wondering what you were you even talking about until now....
3: But this guy's simple words and feelings-
(Let's go see the sea, Danchiku! It's the sea!
Let's go renew our determination!!)
4: -can always shake my heart!!
Yeah, Issa!!
Pag 6
1: The towel is cast!!*
2: It's “the die is cast”!!*
Die is dice and it means “it's already started so you have to move forward”!! To “throw the towel” means to “give up”!!
(*NdT.: here Issa uses two very similar words: he says “saji” while it's actually “sai”)
3: Ahhh, dammit, I'm really so fired up!!
4: Let's go show this excitement to him!!
Him!?
To Doubashi!! Hahaha
Hm... wait, you want to go to Hakogaku's tent!? You want to march inside? Stop, Issa!!
Pag 7
3: We're here
4: Why are you here- during Doubashi-san's massage
See, look, Issa
Sohoku second years!? Don't come into the enemy's tent without even a greeting!
Doesn't matter
5: Let them through
Pag 8
1: It's been a while. I'm so worked up now, Doubashi!!
“san”, na!!
2: He's huge.....!! Hakogaku's third year, Doubashi Masakiyo!!
He sitting down, and yet he looks like Issa that's standing up!!
3: Is it your ring name!? Sanna Doubashi!?
I told you to use the honorific “san, idiot!! Buah!!
4: Was he this huge last year!? ….. no
He got even bigger during this past year!!
5: There are so many injuries in his knees
6: And even on his elbows there are traces of fights...!!
Pag 9
1: I came to tell you how much stronger I got in this past year
Oi, stop, if you say something like this now, you'll definitely regret it later
Nah, I'll say it
3: There's another person
4: Ah....
5: Is he also..... a regular?
6: Ah, Yes, I'm Sohoku's... second year...
Hahaha I'll introduce you!!
7: Is he your partner, Orange?
Hahaha, that's right!!
8: Our team's name is SS!! His name is Danchiku!!
I'm telling you this for your own good
9: Stop
Pag 10
1: This guy's a “chicken*”
(*NdT.: here the literal translation of the kanji used is "weak-hearted", while the reading says "chicken")
Pag 11
2: He'll run away right away
3: Buah!!
4: Road racing half a mental sport!! The distance is long and there'll be a lot of difficult moments. I don't know what kind of runner this guy is, but he's mentally weak and he'll be crushed by the pressure, especially at the Inter High!!
5: He got my weak point with one shot....!!
6: Nah, Orange!! Let's have a serious race, the two of us
Ah!?
And bring a better guy than this!! Ah!?
7: This one's no good, he can't run!!
That's what the sensor in my polished body are telling me
8: Doesn't Sohoku have a reserve!? You should.....
Pag 12
1: Replace him right now
4: Yuuto lost to a guy like this?
Ah!?
Well, I guess you had quite an advantage since it was a rcae in your hometown
Danchiku won!!
5: Would it be better if I was replaced...? No
He's not a bad guy, but.... sometimes he says bad stuff. Last year, too-
6: No, that's not true!!
What am I saying!! I'll run!! I'll be the one running!!
Pag 13
1: In the Inter High!! Together with Issa!!
2: Ehi, welcome back. Did you have fun on your walk?
… yeah
I've done the oiling and the gear check
Did you see the sea?
It was fired up!!
3: Fired up?
The sea was fired up!!
4: “My heart is small”
“Yours is much bigger”
5: Sugimoto-san.....
Once you get dressed could you try ride it?
Pag 14
1: Uhm, Sugimoto-san
3: Hm?
4: Hy.... hypothetically
5: If right now
6: I said I couldn't run, what would you do?
Pag 15
4: Since the day I was chosen as a reserve
5: I haven't taken even one day off practice
7: The members may seem to be in perfect condition, but they could accidentally fall and get injured, or get ill
Be ready to run the moment you know someone can't run, that's what a reserve is
I
8: I spent my time wishing that all my efforts would be in vain
Pag 16
1: I would run for all three days!!
Now I'll put this toolbox down, put on the my cleats and prepare my own bike!!
Can be done in fifteen minutes!!
Pag 17
2: Be prepared!!
4: I-I'm sorry!!
I'm sorry for saying stupid things
5: In road racing a reserve can only be subbed in until the start of the first day
The rules say that you can't change during the race
6: Is that so!?
You didn't know that!?
7: Once the race starts, if someone can't run, he can't be substituted
He retires and the number of people in the tea decreases... that's road racing
8: If your condition isn't good, tell us now
It's more advantageous is all six people run
9: It's alright, if you made that decision
Pag 18
1: No one will blame you
Pag 19
1: This trial run on the course is terrific, Danchiku
The sea is in full view!!
2: That tanker is huugee!!
“No one will blame you”
3: Don't hang your head, don't look down
What a I thinking!!
Raise your head!!
4: Issa is here
5: The Inter High I've longed for
6: “Stop”
“Chicken”
7: The die is cast!!
#yowamushi pedal#yowamushi pedal translations#yowapeda#yowamushi pedal manga#yowapeda manga#yowamushi pedal spoilers#ride 757#first chapter of the year!! happu new year my lovely people!!#and what a nice nice chapter!!#I like that the issue with danchiku isnt completely solved yet tbh bc self confidence isnt something that you can just suddenly get#so it makes sense that hes not so sure of himself#btw kabu is as always our silly annoying little bean and i love him#his face in page 7 assdfsadf if he came to me like that i'll simply punch him okay lmao#also i LOVE the difference between doubashi here looking all scary and cool and powerful#and then the doubashi seen in hakogaku's pov#who is basically manami's mum lmao he looks after him get annoyed at him and all that#and takes care of the team very well#say what you want but doubashi is the mum friend okay#and i also love how Kabu now likes him so much that he didnt even get mad when he offended his best friend#he just accepted it and then told danchiku 'nah hes not a bad guy'#sugimoto best boy ;-; i really love his relationship with danchiku#AND!! I OBV LEFT THE BEST FOR LAST!! AOYAGIIIIIIII#FINALLY HES BAAAAACK i cant wait to see him with kabu!!! ashdfasdf
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Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
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there r a lot of things about the myth of psyche and eros that makes me a little insane but one of them has always been the tasks from aphrodite and the unfairness of it. they're not intended to be possible. they're so obviously not meant to be possible, and psyche isn't fucking hercules, you know, she's not a demigod or whatever, she's mortal and these aren't mortal tasks!! it's why psyche has to be helped with each one, fucking by like ants and river gods and shit. and so like. idk. i know ppl see psyche and eros as like a story about love and shit which obviously it is but as a kid psyche and eros always felt like a story about being able to accept help
#in my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i'll never write i emphasize this theme#by changing psyche from a princess and youngest daughter to a poorer girl and eldest daughter who is very like. sophie hatter esque#also tbh when i first started thinking about my theoretical adaptation of psyche and eros i was reading hmc LMAO#also also ALSO. as a kid i always felt like the story was soooo deeply about regret and atonement and forgiveness#like YES the story is about love but not about easy love. love is difficult and requires work and sometimes u hurt each other !!!!!#it always struck me as a kid how psyche just. accepts the tasks.#i always read it as like. psyche KNOWS these tasks are unfair and i dont even think she expects to achieve them#but she accepts them anyways because she so deeply regrets what she did to eros and has no idea what else she can do.#am i verbalizing this well or have the worms eating my brain reached an irreversible point#also tbf im pretty sure the version i read as a kid didnt include the multiple times psyche tries to kill herself LMAO.#but we're ignoring that because i love the idea that shes just. so aimless and resigned to the tasks#ALSO on eros' side of things#i dont have like proper analysis about it but as a kid i saw eros hiding his face as like. fear?#like. fear that the person he loves will think he's a monster if he reveals his true self. or somethin. which also. i think is very queer#also very beauty and the beast. for obvious reasons since it was based on psyche and eros lmao#oh also. i already mentioned it but psyche and hercules r so similar.#did something unforgivable to a loved one --> given multiple impossible tasks to atone for it etc etc#i dont have any real analysis abt it i dont remember a lot abt hercules tbh but. yah#ALSO. okay i think retellings of hades and persephone where theyre totally in love and stuff r kinda tired.#BUT. in the theoretical adaptation i always imagined a scene where psyche does the last task where she goes to the underworld#and shes tired shes soso tired#and she goes to persephone and persephone is gentle and motherly which aphrodite has Not been to psyche#and i think if persephone is unkidnapped and truly in love w hades#then i think there could be a fun parallel between persephone and psyche in which like. theyre both in love w ppl#who are seen as monsters. and shit. or whatever#anyways. idk what made me think abt this again. ACTUALLY i do know i might write a twine for the neotwiny game jam#and it might be inspired by psyche and eros#anyways. lmao#jc.txt
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would
would Yugo officiate the otomirga wedding
that'd be hilarious
#musing aloud#if none of these words make sense to you don't mind me#I think it's possible Tamirga and Yugo would meet in person during s4#I should write down some interactions between them I think it could be interesting#Tami spent his life avoiding him but hey#world's about to end#might as well give a hand#help against Toross with Goultard and Joris#he's never calling Yugo “father” or anything of the like ever though#it'd be so fucking awkward to be married by him#but who else in the world would accept to do it#Yugo would have a less muddled view of him maybe even like him okay since he's started to calm tf down by the time they even meet#wakfu spoilers#i guess#am I starting otomirga posting? who knows#the wakfu hype is bound to die down with the end of s4 maybe it'll get quiet enough that I'll get comfortable with the idea#or maybe not#¯\_ (ツ)_/¯#no one fucking cares Anormal
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hey, i often see you talk about dreamtale and i've got a question that's been on my mind for literal years. i know you're not the original creator and i've gathered you have your own version of the AU, but i konda just want to hear your thoughts on this because i'm genuinely curious. please let me know if it's an inappropriate question or if you don't want to answer or you have answered it before that's completely okay and i'll totally understand.
so the question i've always had is, why does dreamtale have 2 sanses(?), as in, as far as i was aware (which i admit is not much, i haven't kept up a lot with UT or the AU community the last few years) there's dream sans and nightmare sans. my (possibly outdated) understanding of dreamtale is that it's an undertale AU focusing on the story of two brothers. and since in canon sans pretty notoriously already has a brother, i've always wondered the deal with making his brother another sans rather than papyrus.
i wonder if it was because of character dynamics, the thing the internet had for AU sanses when the original AU was created, or some other reason. i was just wondering, if you're up for it, you could just share your thoughts on it. the question has been on my mind again lately since i see your posts about dreamtale on my dash and i'd ask the original creator, but i've got them blocked and i can't really remember why since it was a long time ago, but i imagine it was probably for a good reason.
as I said before, i completely understand if you don't want to answer. this is just me being curious lol. thank you!
i've already talked abt it somewhat before but it's basically because joku just wanted eyes on dreamtale, really
if you look at dreamtale, it really basically has nothing to do with undertale except for the fact that dream and nightmare are sanses!
which is fine to have sanses be the focus, in my opinion, sans enjoyers get too much shit for that.
but yeah, i do think it could be done more in relation to undertale. but that really was never joku's focus
from the way they've acted for years, it's clear that they only made dream and nm sanses bc it gave them the most attention.
and it did because with how dog shit the writing is there's honestly no way it would've picked up if you asked me, even if chapter 1 has a lot of potential in my eyes :p
sorry to disappoint if i sound very straightforward about it! i just know that joku is...joku, you know. it's all because of very joku reasons lolz
#but also ive come to accept that im okay with the twins being both sanses#because idk. idk actually. i think ive gotten so used to it that ive preferred it and anything else jars me unless its written REALLY well.#(still haven't found an interpretation that resonates or satisfies me yet! idk maybe one day. for now i'll write my own stuff)#Anonymous
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hey, so... you DO know right that if you check out side order on the nintendo e-shop, it has a confirmed release date? 31/12/2024
..... Did this ask time travel, or...?
#ask#avfrisk#not a countdown#Crying. Even if this ask didnt time travel#That date was wrong. It was just an estimate. And especially since I made this acc when they announced it would be spring..#That's even more to make you think 'oh maybe this date was wrong' because while yeah it didnt release in spring well#At least. It released near spring? Dude if it released in winter when they said spring i wouldve been soooo upset#Anyway sorry for the inactivity again. Been really low on energy‚ got accepted into a zine‚ and stuff happened irl#After I finish my zine stuff I'll draw some more here. Oh man#Theres a really old ask that ive been wanting to draw something for but i just havent had time!!#Okay‚ thats all for now. It's actually pretty late when I'm writing this‚ not when its posted.. And I should be asleep by now.#It's my birthday. I need to get up...... Earlier than usual for activities. See ya!#(Does anyone read the tag rambling i do..?)
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Things are in store. Things are going to happen.
#I'm going to make a general tullius art doll#talking#I'm going to sculpt the face and hands#might do the arms too? but im not sure#the armour is the scariest part because I'm not sure how to achieve it#but i know how to find out#i have the yarn for his hair already#tbh if it comes down to it i can always just give him “casual clothing” but id rather have him look like. yk. him#idk im insane and tired#none of you know that girlboy like i do okay.#the sooner we all accept that the better 🫶#anyways the reason I'm not gonna do multiple outfits is because these dolls are art pieces and usually pretty fragile#changing clothes isn't as easy as on a normal doll meant for play#and it would be a LOTTT more work for me#if it goes well I'll make an ulfric#but he would be even more complicated i fear?#or maybe less. maybe i should be buying materials for both of them#idk idkkk#once they're done im going to put them in a jar#half joking idk#god im so fucking funny#I CAN MAKE TULLIUS MEET HATSUNE MIKU#i have a Miku figure that my other art doll has already met#the other one i used airdry clay for the head#DO NOT RECOMMEND. i hate air dry clay#i might actually decapitate him and redo the head tbh#we will see!
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if it has "orders" that vague, would showing obvious enough dismay that Jean doesn't accept his agreement to them be "refusing"? In a situation where he is aware that having those tells caused him to get out of the order
I envision that as part of the ramping-up: the magic, as it grows out of control, starts actively reacting to anything Kaeya does to evade Jean's orders. Enforcing less and less explicit orders over time comes hand-in-hand with shutting down each new way Kaeya finds to work around them.
In fact, the cause-and-effect might even be the other way around! I'm tempted towards the notion that aside from the issue of a Vision's power being way more than the spell needs (and the Pyro-on-Cryo complications), the fact that a Vision responds to the intentions of their bearer is also playing into this. At the time Diluc does this magic he is still reeling from the revelation that Kaeya was deceiving him for all those years, and afraid on some level that he's going to somehow be able to wriggle out of this safeguard by fooling Jean as well. He does not want Kaeya to find any loopholes! And if I go with that, then the spell, turned by the Vision into an active rather than passive restraint, closes said loopholes as soon as Kaeya finds them--each strategy, including that one, has only a limited window before the magic starts triggering on it. And if that's what's happening, then forcing indirect or non-orders is just part of that overgrowth, because 'she didn't make it a direct order' is just another loophole, as far as that nasty mess of Abyssal magic and Vision power and Diluc's mistrust is concerned.
Even if that's not the specific mechanism I go with for why, I do know the magic is shutting down even that kind of passive resistance. The incident that makes Kaeya decide he has to tamper with it involves him being completely unable to give Jean mission-relevant information because it would have changed her strategy and the magic takes that as 'arguing' even though she would want to know. People get hurt because of it (including him)! No one gets killed this time, but... it's worth the risk to him not to put Jean in the position of being unwittingly responsible for someone's death. Because Diluc's coming home someday, and there's "so uh we might have anchored this on you without your knowledge or consent," and then there's "so uh someone died because we anchored this on you without your knowledge or consent," and there's both a moral event horizon here and, on the personal level, only so much forgiveness they can beg.
#fic nattering#asked and answered#honestly both of them regret the 'without her knowledge and consent' thing within the first like. couple weeks. a month max#but diluc assumes kaeya told her and if she's not sending him nastygrams he's not inclined to bring it up and invite them#while kaeya was relieved that he didn't have to tell her up until the point she told him not to break into eroch's office#and he went 'well i'll do it anyway she doesn't have to know' and then realized he physically could not#the moral/emotional regret came later for him because for a while he WAS just. so glad.#to have the choice of whether to betray khaenri'ah or mondstadt taken so entirely out of his hands#he is willing to accept that they've done something to jean that she'll be upset and angry about until the noose starts tightening#and suddenly he's running into the issues outlined above#and now it's SO different from straightforwardly obeying a regular order in the field of the sort that he should be obeying anyway!#(she would have hated even the original plan but kaeya is honestly okay with violating her personal sense of ethics that far#in the same way he was okay with lying to diluc for so long. which is to say he isn't but he's never felt like he has a choice)
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Guess who almost died in a car crash
#It's meeeeee#Ok but no it wasn't that serious just tense for a moment. You end up shaky for sure#Can't help but think about that tweet now like 'I'll be in an accident and open Twitter first thing'#There was a snow mound on the road that was too high and my stepdad drove over it and we started. SWERWING#It went back and forth between the two sides of the road twice and in those moments#I was almost prepared that we would hit the metal banister or topple sideways but we had the best possible outcome for the circumstances#And drifted one more time instead onto the snow-covered patch of a hill on the other side of the road but turned a 180 degrees#When thinking it over we were lucky to get off the road because in any other scenario I think we would have been hit by a car behind us#And end up actually hurt#I thank the snow for giving us the first fully white Christmas in years#But now that I think about I should have gotten a picture (hard to think about when you were almost in a serious accident)#It's strange the kind of acceptance you have over events like this I knew I could do nothing about the situation except shut up#And the strange thing is that it felt like a scene out of a movie. The front shield of the car gives you only a frame to view out from#But you were looking at it from a first-hand perspective yet thinking of it as if from seeing yourself from behind. Just a bit blurred#Just. Either we crash or we make it but be prepared.#I could tell he was shaken afterwards though. He managed to save us at least#And well. Given the familial circumstances it would have almost been ironic. As if a purposefully placed timing#The strangest coincidence was that my stepdad's neighbor just happened to be driving a taxi right behind us#So he stayed with us to help us dig the car out of the snow. And drove us to get more gas after the car ended up askew on the hill#People were at least kind enough to look up on us and ask if we were okay#Anyways. I'm going to bed now
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Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently
#.txt#Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming.#Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works#And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship#It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people#All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games.#And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot!#Today in particular is probably just a bad day.#And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting#Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people.#As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted.#Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it.#Myself.#Normally.#Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting.#My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence.#And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid.#And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure#When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed.#Which I can arguably do things about.#Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier#Another day.
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I think I'm too ugly for tumblr lol
#well I'll solve that by not posting any new selfies#nobody is going to miss this so it's okay#y'all have your pretty tumblr girls y'all clearly showed that trolls like me aren't accepted#personal
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when you get blocked by him even tgough you guys barely even talk anymore but the last time you talked which was about a week ago you actually had a nice and healthy conversation and you had alot of love for eachother and it seemed amazing 😂😂😍😍😍😍 no i'm definitely not fucking crying Lol
#it has been 3 years and i'm still here crying over this#well technically it has been about 1 year but also not really. i mean. we stopped talking around december ir smth last year#so it makes sense that this wound is still pretty fresh and will take some time to heal but i'm like. hahhaha#he's still my best friend and this really makes me sad#because i really love him and we even hung out together on genshin for some time#and we sent eachother really nice messages and i told him he xan always come to me no matter what and that i'm always here for him#and that if he's ever in a crisis he can even come see me he doesn't even have to ask#and now i'm blocked. hshdjckdjdhjf#i mean why am i surprised. he has every right to. and i'm his ex . and he likes someone else now#but it still really hurts because i wish i could be a better friend to him at least. but i can't talk to anyone these days#but especially with him it hurts so much because i actually know him so so well and it hurts so much more . like. we know eachother since#i was like. 16 and he was 18. it's insane!!!!!! we share a fucking birthday!!!!! i wanna die!!!!!!#i need to accept that it's over since like years but you can't just do that when you really love someone and care for them#haha . this really sucks alot#i know i need to just move along and i try i do but i will never stop having love for him even if it's just platonic it's so deep like wow#i donmt even know how to explain it and my love for him took over my entire life for years to the point where i turned into an absolute#nobody and it worried him so much too so obviously it makes sense that this takes some time . but God ahhahahshshshahah. ahhahahshsah#i feel so sad and i'm allowed to feel sad . but wjen i feel sad it feels like i'm fucking dying#wow. okay i'll stop now#he has every right to block me but he's my best friend so it hurts. that's all
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regarding that composers poll i just went into lecture mode for like ten straight minutes at my almost-totally-musically-illiterate roommate about romantic composers and why i think schubert is the most babygirl (and why tchaikovsky is NOT) and he just stared at me with this like. charmed but lost grin the whole time
#autism mode activated. sorry to my roommate for doing that to you but also thanks for listening#i can't help it i literally JUST took a whole class on romantic music this stuff is fresh on the mind#and the romantics are like THEEE babygirls of the composer world. indisputably#which is a big part of why tchaikovsky is not the biggest babygirl!!!#and i'm considering the composer themselves more than their music here cause that's a different question the pollmaker didn't ask.#i would accept arguments for chopin schumann and mendelssohn too but c'mon. it's schubert#sasha speaks#...okay i'll accept arguments for shosty as well. but i still think schubert wins
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8/20's au-gust fill...is in progress but might also just get deleted and skipped lmao (it's still so wordy and not finished and I have zero confidence in this fucker. I think I would like it but then again I like verbose little weird novellas/short stories that are a packed slice of time and then I never hear from any of the characters in that universe/au ever again but think about them forever after. But that's definitely not to everyone's taste or even anyone's taste in general, broadly so. Things to consider)
today's (8/21) fill isn't happening. Tomorrow's fill, possibly.
thank fuck 8/23's fill has been done for ages now
and I'm picking away at fills for 8/24 and 8/25 for now (bc I can't sleep until I get more done, even if it's just a few lines that I wind up deleting)
#text post#I can't say I got every day done or that they were done as well as others but#I'll be able to say I tried to complete au-gust at least#maybe that's enough#not for me personally im absolutely going to hold this over my own head for the next month as a failure but#like the general idea of trying being enough is still nice lol#then comes finishing the izzy bingo card or at least as much as possible before Halloween#and by then i think i find out if my zine application was accepted or if i'm not going to be doing anything for that#regardless if you see me deciding to sign up for any other strict writing projects for winter maybe just psychically smack me okay?#not hard just a tap to knock some sense back in there#unless focusing on the writing is actually keeping me sane while I try to keep my current job and find a new better one#but i honestly can't tell at this point and i highly doubt anyone else can either (or would want to take the time to figure that out)#who am i even typing this update for is also a question to ask#but it's my blog so im allowed to post writing updates nobody cares about except me lmao
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#i hate the fact that im so conditioned to put everyone else ahead of my own feelings cause it just makes me feel like shit at times#i cant talk about stuff that would make me feel better cause it would make someone else feel worse#i cant express my feelings properly cause i feel like it makes everyone else uncomfortable#which makes them hate me. and leave me. like has been the cycle so many years in the past#so i bottle it up. tell myself its okay they dont need to know. and then it torments me but im so scared to say anything#cause i will be the villain no matter what they say. i know it. and then i'll end up alone. yet again#thats just how it is. thats how it always has been. always will be#i should honestly accept it that im meant to be always alone and just cut everyone out of my life before i really do hurt someone#well. more than i probably already have#anyways...#night is an absolute mess on main
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