#okay well i am at least ONE of the biggest ivory fans

[cats-thoughts]

ALRIGHT here's my best guess of what the Ivorycello teaser photos lead up to SO FAR (I will hopefully add to this as we get more photos but I wanted to start soon :3)

31

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wywcwy

Photos that I cranked brightness and exposure on beneath the line, tell me if y'all see anything else? I am a little bit blind (+ what happened when I tried to input it as a video)

[countessofravenclaw]

The 2023 writing Advent calendar: Day 8

8. Gingerbread

“Come on Granny! Why can’t we just eat the dough?” 8-year-old Stella whined and leaned on the counter. “I’m hungry!” 

“I can make you a sandwich while we wait,” Monic offered as she raised the pot of gingerbread dough they had made in the morning. It was a special recipe that needed to be refrigerated before the cookies could be baked. “We have some spare salmon lying around.”

“Or… I’m that hungry…” Stella continued. She hated everything to do fish. “But can I at least taske the cookie dough?”

“Okay, one spoon,” Monica nodded, “Only one. Your mother she would have eaten the whole pot if left unsupervised, so I am not taking any chances.”

“I’m not like Mom,” Stella shook her head and started looking for a spoon. 

“Sure you aren’t,” Monica smiled. 

At that moment the door opened and two Ambar walked in… or well, one Ambar and tiny “Ambar” who was seven years of age. 

“Granny Monica!!” Ivory ran to hug Monica. 

“Hi there!” Monica hugged Ivory. 

“Are they here yet?” 

“No, not yet,” Monica responded. “Where is Esme?”

“Did I not tell you that she has a dental appointment? Simon took her.” Ambar sat down on the kitchen table, “Are we eary or is Nina late? That would be the first.”

“Hi! Are we late?” Right on queue, Nina walked through the door. 

“No, were not late,” 8-year-old Aurora was looking at her watch, “We were supposed to be here at noon. It’s 11:59:30. 30 seconds early.” 

“You’re being specific again,” 7-year-old Laura rolled her eyes as she came behind her. The girls ran toward their friends at once. 

“It was okay if I just leave them here right?” Nina asked, “I have mountain I need to get to.”

“Of course it is.” Monica nodded. 

“Good, because I have mountain to get to.” Nina nodded back, “Girls, be nice. Dad’s probably the one picking you up so keep your phones on.”

“When are we not nice?”

“Bye Mom!” 

“Mountain huh?” Ambar joined Nina on a hallway as she started, “Don’t tell me you have squeezed yourself a deadline before Christmas… Although, I am the one the talk. I came here to get cookies while I answer emails.”  

“Mountain as in, Christmas shopping.” Nina clarified. “We got the stuff for the kids weeks ago, but I still have stuff left that I need to get myself, since Gastón took Oscar to that rockclimbing place. You cannot take Aurora shopping or even bring anything to the house while she can see, because then she’ll make her life’s mission to figure out what it is and to who.”

“The pain of having intelligent kids,” Ambar laughed.

“As long as she won’t go work for the police, we’ll be fine.” Nina smiled a bit nervously. 

“You said rockclimbing?”

“Yes, Oscar has been clamering to go after he found the place online. And as the school is out, there was no reason why not.”

“You don’t sound like the biggest fan of the idea,” Ambar noted.

“I…” Nina sighed, “I feel like my mother when I just want everyone’s feet stay on the ground. He's ten, ethere nothing actually to be worried about...” 

“Well, with what you’ve been through, it’s understandable.”

“It has been 12 years.” Nina ran her hand on her arm, “But it still sometimes gets to me, when someone wants to do something extreme. But I can’t stop Oscar doing something he really wants just because I am afraid, especially since it’s something he and Lucas like to do together. It’s great that they are getting closer, like the girls.” 

“Jazmin always says how shopping cleanses the soul,” Ambar joked, “So, you’re going to be okay. And if you need to sue somebody, I’m right here.”

“I am trying not to think that far,” Nina laughed, “See you later.” 

“Have fun gift hunting, although hubands are noutoriously hard to shop for.” 

After Nina had gone, Ambar walked back into the kitchen, since she really should get to those emails. The girls were stendig in a organized row next to the kitchen counter, waiting for their orer from the maestro herself.

“Okay, girls first we need to roll out the dough so we can cut all the shapes,” Monica instructed while pulling the medal gingerbreadhouse cutters out. She had actually developed her own set as part of the kitchen utensil line for the catering business. “Ivory and Laura can do the roof, while Stella and Aurora the walls.”

“But what about the base?” Aurora asked while seeming like she was measuring the cutter with her fingers, “It needs to be biggest than they house, so the structure has a good basis.”

“Can we decorate the roof tiles with marshmallows?” Laura asked, “So it looks like real slating?”

Ambar smiled to herself. These were daughters of an engineer alright. She turned to her table as te email she had actually needed answering. 

“We should put music notes on these?” Ivory piped up, “And add staves and pentagrams.”

Ivory had also come to her father, wondering about music and nothing else…well, music, skating and nothing else. Her choir’s Chrismas recital was coming up and Ambar was looking forward to it immensely. 

“Monica, how long will they need to be in the oven?” Aurora looked though the small oven window. 

“10 to 12 minutes,” Monica responded, “But we need to keep careful watch over them.”

“I love over watch!” Stella parked herself cross legged in front of the oven. 

“Okayyyy,” Aurora seemed to look sceptical, but sat next to Stella on the floor, “How brown do they need to be?”

“I think we have some that you can decorate in the mean time,” Monica pulled and can out a shelf and opened it. The amazing smell of fresh gingerbread filled the kitchen. 

“Mom!” Ivory yelled as a protest as Ambar quickly sneaked a cookie from the tin. “You don’t allow me to ever do that!” 

“Grown up privileges,” Ambar shrugged as she started typing a email, “Sorry darling. You’re gonna get enough cookies surely. Dad sais yesterday that Grandma just sent some over.” 

“What are you doing?” Ivory asked Laura was had been arranging tubes of different colored royal-icing around. 

“I wanted lighter pink for the what, so I made some.” 

“Cool, can I make yellow?!”

“Yellow’s not a color you can make.”’

“Why not.”

“I don’t know. It just isn’t.”

And here we have our Gastina/Lutte/Simbar girlie besties, because of course we do. I'm juyst gonn say this here, the kids will feature a lot in this calendar so I will always on a new story state how old they are, jst to make things easier. Also, the if the stuff about Nina being worried felt random, it's supposed to. What she actually was afraid of and what happened over ten years ago is intentionally vague... keep your eyes peeled for all my stories during the holiday seasons. You may or may not get answers... but leave quesses in the comments!!

[hongism]

Do you have any good ateez X reader fanfics Recs? I’m in need of a good long fanfic If not long Then a really really good one lol I just have a hard time finding some lol

BOY HOWDY IM FINALLY HERE okay but fr tho i’m sorry this took me Lightyears to do im so bad at remembering what fics i read and how i tag them so i lost my mind while trying to find them all and i’m sure i missed a lot of favs so i Apologize in advance asiodjfosijdf some are kinda popular so you might have seen them before but some do not get the credit they deserve and i could sit here and sing the praises of these fics and their authors for years but i won’t put y’all through that ._.

You can’t even reach my neck - @kpopscenario - seonghwa

summary: They’re best friends and have feelings for each other but they both don’t know about the others crush, Seonghwa comforts her after another bad date. (Basically friends to lovers college!au)

yes i am a Sucker for a damn f2l college au on occasion and this is one of those Incredible and Well Written occasions i love this fic and the length is perfect and long in the best way 10/10 would recommend and it’s great

such a good girl for me - @starrychannies - mingi

summary: no summary but the warnings should tell you Everything you need to know wink wonk skljdlkdfj

warnings: harddom!mingi, sub!reader, size kink (its mingi duh), choking, sir kink, pet names, mix of praise and degradation, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, slight overstim, slight humiliation (?), a lot of fluffy aftercare.

i find it Uber hard to write smut that is well written in all honesty like i can’t read my own smut bc i can’t Stand It i just think it’s awful but there are so so many authors out there who can write smut and write it well and i admire starrychannies so much for such incredible writing talent with smut yesyes

Alone - @actuallythatwaspromise - san

summary: again n/a but good lord royalty au prince san, princess reader, smack me over the head because i really adore this 2.2k fic and good lord this fic gets me emo and i dont even know why??? the angst is soft and barely there but i’m still over here sobbing for no reason oisdfoaijdiof

detention - @/starrychannies - wooyoung

warnings: badboy!wooyoung, goodgirl!reader, smut, voice kink, corruption kink, fingering, dirty talk, public sex, exhibitionism kink, wooyoung has piercings and reader is a Big Fan, mention of gags, light degradation.

this, this shit right here, this is so good WHEW i dont really have the words but hot damn, i just love this fic and i love love love the way the author wrote the the fic and it’s Hot:tm:

violet roses - @/starrychannies - yunho

warnings: F L U F F, college!au, s2l, first meeting, yunho is a soft babie, yunhos pov!!, love at first sight, pining, bit of slow burn, yunho is Whipped, suggestive teasing, hyunjin is mentioned briefly in the beginning, protective yunho, mingi makes an appearance, mentioned that mingi’s gay, san is mentioned, smut, softdom!yunho, sub!reader, praise, car sex, SIZE KINK!!!!, vaginal penetration, fingering, finger riding, penetrative sex, daddy kink, yunho lowkey has a corruption kink, multiple orgasms.

did i die? yes but only a lot. ahhhh i LOVE me some damn s2l slow burn and pining that shit hits the spot and this fic has it wrapped up in a nice and lovely package pls read pls pls pls read

lover boys - @/starrychannies - seonghwa + hyunjin

warnings: smut, wet dreams, poly relationship, boy x boy, non idol verse, ateez x skz crossover (yay!), harddom!seonghwa, softdom!hyunjin, sub!reader, threesome, reader is Needy, hyunjin is Sleepy, seonghwa is Amused, pwp, light somniphilia, dirty talk, petnames, some degradation, early morning sex, oral (giving), throat fucking, reader has no gag reflex and hyunjin is In Love with it, fingering (receiving), spanking (like twice), unprotected sex, light cum play, cum swallowing, little bit of praise, cuddles!

i really just need a minute whenever i think about this fic bc i highkey die every time i think about it??? two of my ults??? i can’t??? i really can’t handle this honestly like woW osdijfoijdfoi the way i melted we love to see it 🤩

entanglement - @sanduction - wooyoung

summary: when the boy who had explicitly spelled out his implausible hatred towards you on every possible occasion tells you that he’s a dog, who would’ve guessed that you possessed the other half of his soul? not you, at least. life sure had a shit-load of guts to pull a twilight on you like that.

okay so deadass if you know me you know that i really am not the type to read werewolf/hybrid fics. i just typically don’t go for them or read them but this fic. this fic. oh my god. the way it’s so seamless and works so perfectly, i’ll never recover like W O W i love this fic that is all honestly i have mad respect for all writers who do werewolf/hybrid fics bc i can’t write them at all, so sanduction huge major props to you i love your work!!!

who catches the alpha? - @teeztheflag - hongjoong

summary:  „You don’t want to break the rules, am I right?“

aka another phenomenal werewolf fic with alpha hongjoong that made me fall over in a totally great way. the angst the fluff the little suggestive bits it all flowed and fit together perfectly and i am still in love with this fic no matter how much time passes

bite me - @atinyidea - yunho

summary: vampire!au, vampire!yunho, vampire!reader, female!reader established!relationship / warnings! angry s*x?, biting, blood, sir k*nk, consensual s*x, teasing, begging, rough play, overstimulation

this fic is ~spicy~ and whew it is good wow just the idea of yunho and reader being immortal together was like awww then it got spicy and i went to o_o real quick but it is such a good fic and wow i love it i dont even have words bc im Dumb but wow

You Got It Like That? - @kimnamshiks - wooyoung

summary: You just needed to get through this week at the resort at the hands of 20 coworkers and Wooyoung; the Sales Department Supervisor who got some raunchy photos of you the day prior.

honestly wow sodifjoisdjf i love this fic so much i just wow honestly the reader is a whole mood when wooyoung texts about the pictures and i was reading like ‘ahahaa me.’ oisjdfoij god the back and forth between wooyoung and the reader just had me rolling legit i got flustered like pls wooyoung just HAAHHAHA WOOYOUNG IN THIS FIC GETS ME FLUSTERED AS FUCK it is all because tay is a Stellar Writer and makes those emotions come to life in amazing ways and i’ll never ever get over it just whew banter in fics is legit one of my favorite things ever and tay does it with such beautiful ease that i am Enamored but i am also Rambling just pls read this fic oh my god it’s so good

be my neighbor - @jeonginks - seonghwa

summary: seonghwa moved into the apartment next to yours, and he stumbled into a situation he didn’t expect to face.

wow i l o v e this fic it’s just a perfect blend of angst and fluff and it sends me to space every time i read it soidfjoidjf don’t ask why space but it just does i kinda ascend okay? anyway wow this fic is such a gem and it is sO underrated in my opinion. the dialogue is written so beautifully and with an ease that i think is often times hard to capture?? wow just amazing

Cheat Codes - @serendipityunho - seonghwa

summary: “This party’s boring, wanna get out of here?”, may have perhaps led you to make the biggest mistake of your life by sleeping with your best friend’s other best friend, your best friend who happens to be in love with you.

me: wow i never read college aus hahhaa

also me: reads a shit ton of college aus sodifjodijf

honestly this fic is 100% fantastic from start to finish, it’s 5.3k of pure greatness and i just really love this fic altho my heart broke at the end it still fit perfectly and was amazingly written ;-;

that is all i have for today slkdfljdlk however i will be shameless and say that if you would like some Long Bois for ateez i have a few but i’ll link the fics i loved writing the most and am v proud of :3

storge - mingi

liquorice and ivories - hongjoong

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

Assassin’s Greed: The Story of Charles Guiteau

My favorite historical figure has got to be presidential assassin Charles Guiteau, a person you’ve likely never heard of.  You probably know John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald, but Guiteau (pronounced get-oh) is not a household name.  Where Booth and Oswald shot famous presidents, Guiteau shot James Garfield, who had served for only four months at the time and is best known for having been assassinated.  Guiteau was cartoonishly twisted, with delusions of grandeur and a Type A god complex.  He believed himself to be faultless, guiltless, a renaissance man, a master political advisor, and perhaps even the Third Coming of Christ (yes, third; you’ll see what I mean below).  His life story sounds like something scripted to be as pathetic and conceited as possible, and it would be funny were it not so tragic.

So come with me on an adventure back to the gay old days of the 19th century, so we can delve into the mind of America’s least favorite assassin.  Strap in, cause this is a long one.

Charles Julius Guiteau was born in 1841 to a family of French descent (you may have been able tell because he’s an -eau).  Despite this, it is important to remember that he never learned to speak a word of French.  Keep that in mind.  He flunked out of school because he never felt the need to study for any exams.  He was convinced he already had perfect knowledge on any given subject, “why fix what ain’t broken?”

In 1860, he joined a cult because his dad was friends with the leader.  (Side note: this cult would later dissolve when a tornado destroyed their headquarters, transforming into a company that made spoons.  This has nothing to do with the story, I just thought it was funny). This cult coined the phrase “free love,” which at the time just meant everyone was allowed, nay, encouraged, to bone everyone else; older women were ordered to act as “sexual mentors” for adolescent boys because they were the least likely to conceive. It was messed up.  The cult also thought that Jesus had already come a second time, in 70 AD, so they had free reign on Earth to do whatever they wanted with no consequences.  The end of days had come and gone, so it was smooth sailing from here on out.

Guiteau idolized the cult leader, believing him to be the perfect man in every way.  The cult leader however believed Guiteau was unstable and unfit for the community.  Do you know how messed up you have to be to get kicked out of a cult?  People were so put off by his behavior that they gave him the nickname “Charles Get-Out,” and when he sued the leader for mistreatment his dad wrote a long apology letter saying “I’m sorry my son’s a weirdo, please don’t think less of me for it.”

He became a lawyer by sheer blind luck, barely passing his bar exam because he just so happened to work as a clerk at the Chicago law firm in question.  He lost the one and only case he argued in court, and spent the rest of his career as a corrupt bill collector.  He short-changed all of his clients, overcharging and under-refunding, pocketing the difference before skipping town to avoid the police.  He did this often, hopping from town to town and leaving right before they could run him out on a rail.

In 1872 he endorsed Horace Greeley for president against incumbent Ulysses S. Grant; both men were Republicans, but Greeley caucused with the southern Democrats and became their nominee.  He lost in a landslide, and died less than a month after the election, but again, that’s not important to the story.  What is important is that Guiteau was convinced that had Greeley become president, he would have rewarded Guiteau’s endorsement with a federal appointment.  Guiteau was just some schmuck, a nobody, but he believed that his approval was somehow the most important thing a candidate could receive, and that they would be undyingly grateful for it.

Guiteau believed that he was ordained by God to spread His word, and so concluded that his own word was therefore the word of God.  He tried to start his own cult, plagiarizing the text from the cult leader he idolized, but it never got off the ground.  In 1877 he was on a boat that collided with another; theirs sunk, but his made it back to port, so he was further convinced that his life had been spared for a higher purpose.  If Christ had come again in 70 AD, Guiteau believed he had returned for the Third time this very day.  At this point, his dad thought he was possessed by the devil.

You could say they didn’t exactly see eye to eye.

1880 comes along, he’s been embezzling and stealing even more money from even more cities, avoiding consequences all the while, and decides to once again throw his hat in the ring of politics.  He endorses Grant for a third nonconsecutive term, despite having “campaigned” against him in 1872.  Guitaeu changed his mind with Orwellian confidence, “oh, I always supported Grant, Greeley was destined to lose, I knew it and actually did my best to make sure his campaign floundered, I was always looking out for my main man Ulysses!”

Guiteau handed out leaflets and gave a speech endorsing Grant to basically no one; he may as well have just stood on a street corner shouting his opinion at passersby.  Grant lost the nomination to one Congressman James Garfield, so Guiteau took the leaflets, crossed out Grant’s name, wrote in Garfield’s, and continued passing them out. The rest of the text remained the same though, so it made no sense, praising Garfield for leading the Union Army to victory during the Civil War, and saying he deserved a third term despite this being his first time running.  Garfield won the presidency, and Guiteau was absolutely convinced that it was because of his leaflets.  “What else could it have been?”

March 1881: Being wholly responsible for Garfield’s election, he starts writing him fan letters singing his own praise.  “As you already know, I got you elected (you’re welcome, by the way).  I did this out of the kindness of my heart, and all I ask in return, all I feel I deserve, is an ambassadorship.  France will do nicely, I’ve always wanted to live in Paris!”  As you remember, he can’t speak a word of French, “but I can learn on the job!  I’m the best at learning things, but I’m sure you already know that about me.  I look forward to our partnership. Your biggest fan, Charles.”

No word from the president, but Guiteau doesn’t worry.  He just writes more letters.  “Didn’t hear back from you, don’t know if you read my first letter, but just in case you didn’t, I’ll recap; you won because of me, I’m ready for my federal job whenever you are.  Thanks and you’re welcome.  Your smartest and most qualified fan, Charles.”

Still nothing.  He moved to Washington, DC and became a homeless vagrant.  He went from house to house, spending a night, eating the food, then leaving before rent was due; classic Guiteau!  The White House kept ignoring his letters, so he decided to take matters into his own hands and personally confront the Secretary of State.  “I’m sure you’ve read my correspondences, you know my qualifications, I am ready to go to Paris, just say the word.”

“Oh my God, we’re not giving you a federal job, stop writing us letters, leave the president alone, you’re a total nutjob.”

Guiteau was heartbroken.  He couldn’t understand how Garfield could be such an ingrate!  “I gave everything for that man, I sacrificed so much, and this is how he thanks me? I campaigned for him, I gave speeches, I handed out, like, so many leaflets!”  He felt ignored, he felt BETRAYED.  “How dare he? How DARE he?!?  He owes me! He’s got to be the least considerate person on the planet!  I put him office, I-”  At this, he had a horrible realization.  “Oh my God, I put him in office... He’s only there because of me... It’s all my fault!  I gave this bastard the key to the White House... I gave him the nuclear codes!” [Guiteau was again misinformed, because nuclear weapons wouldn’t be invented for another 64 years]  “I’ve created a monster!  I put him there, and only I can take him out!  I need to assassinate President Garfield.”

And so the pieces begin to fall into place.

He borrows money from his brother-in-law to buy a gun at a pawn shop.  He believed God was telling him to kill the president; either that or he was telling God that the president needed to die and was just giving Him a heads up.  At the pawnshop he specifically chose an expensive revolver with an ivory handle because he thought it would look better in the display case of the museum they would eventually build for him.  He even managed to haggle down the price one whole dollar (about $26 today, so good on him, master deal maker).

July 2, 1881.  President Garfield arrived at a train station in DC, and Guiteau is there waiting for him. He had no body guard because this was the 1880s, and nobody thought someone would be crazy enough to shoot the president in peacetime.  The only government employee present with Garfield was the Secretary of War, a young man by the name of Robert Todd Lincoln.  Yes, that Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham, the first and so far only president to be assassinated.  And he got to witness the second, firsthand.

Guiteau shot Garfield twice, but only wounded him; he fell to the ground, bleeding but very much alive.  Despite this, Guiteau was confident the job was done. “Don’t worry everyone, you don’t need to panic, the tyrant is dead, you can thank me later.”  The police ran at him, “officers, please, take the former president’s body away, it’s bleeding all over the train station. He’s as much a nuisance dead as he was alive, am I right?  Wait, why do you have those batons?”  The tackled him to the ground, as police are wont to do to people who shoot the president.  “Okay, o-ho-ho-kay, I get it, you guys need to put on a show for the crowds. I understand, I shouldn’t have used a gun in public, I should’ve waited until I could had him alone, I get it, you don’t need to be so rough with me. Listen, just talk to President Arthur, he’ll have my back, I just put him in office, he’ll vouch for me, it’s cool.”

Garfield lived for two more months, wasting away in agony from infection because his doctors didn’t even think about washing their hands.  They would poke around his bullet holes with their fingers to fish out fragments, poking organs, tearing muscle, just making it much worse than it needed to be.  Garfield may have survived if they had just left him alone; years later, Teddy Roosevelt would be similarly shot, and survived with the bullet in his chest for seven years.  Garfield died on September 19, 1881, at which point Guiteau was officially charged with murder.

Being a lawyer, he wanted to represent himself in court, but he was appointed a public defender instead.  The defender quit after a week because Guiteau was impossible to work with, so his brother-in-law came on as his new lawyer; he wasn’t a criminal defense lawyer, just another bill collector like Guiteau, he was literally the only person willing to help him out for free.  Guiteau claimed he was not guilty by reason of insanity, that God had possessed him, simply using his body as an avatar and smite Garfield.  “It was divine intervention, nothing could be done to stop it, it was out of my hands.”

He made a mockery of the trial, cursing at everyone from the judge to the jury to his own lawyer to the crowd.  He ignored his lawyer and started asking courtroom spectators for their advice, he wrote his testimony in the form of poems and delivered them to the captive audience.  He reveled in being the center of attention, ignoring the fact that literally everyone hated him for killing the president.  He expected a swift acquittal, and started planning his own campaign for president for 1884, “President Arthur owes me for putting him in office, so I’m sure he’ll step aside and let me run in his place, it’s the least he could do.  Maybe I’ll choose him as my running mate, I haven’t decided yet.”

January 1882, he was found guilty and sentenced to death, to which he responded by calling the jury a bunch of “consummate jackasses” (and yes, that’s the real,��actual quote, no joke).  He was dragged out of the court, screaming obscenities at everyone within earshot.  He wasn’t worried though, because he was convinced Arthur would pardon him.

In jail, he composed more poems singing his praise, “Ding dong, the witch is dead!  Which old witch? The Garfield witch! Ding dong, the Garfield witch is dead!”  Arthur didn’t pardon him, so he called him an even worse ingrate than Garfield; Guiteau tried to appeal his case so he could shoot Arthur too, but it was rejected for obvious reasons.

June 30, 1882, he is led to the gallows to be hanged.  For his last words, he delivered yet another poem, this time an epic ballad about how he was now leaving this mortal coil to return to the kingdom of Heaven.  Entitled “I am going to the Lordy,” it had a second or third grade reading level, with lines like “I wonder what I’ll do when I get to the Lordy?” and “I saved the party, glory Hallelujah.”  He wanted to have a full orchestra come and give the piece musical accompaniment, but the jail told him no, again for obvious reasons.  He didn’t even write music for it, he just thought it was so inspiring that the orchestra would know exactly what he intended and improvise something great.

He read the poem out loud to the crowd gathered to see him die, and was so overcome by how good it was that he broke down crying multiple times, “I’m such a genius!”  He may or may not have done a little jig to go along with it, as you do when delivering the world’s greatest poem about the world’s greatest man.

Black hood, noose, trapdoor, neck snap, dead.

The jail refused to turn over his body to his family because they were too poor for a proper burial service (he had wasted all of their money on his defense).  An autopsy showed that he was unable to retract his foreskin, so doctors theorized that was what drove him crazy enough to kill the president.  Gotta love 19th century psychology; Freud has been largely discredited in 2019, but in 1882 he wasn’t even credited yet, he was just some random doctor, not famous for anything.

The warden sold pieces of Guiteau’s noose as souvenirs, and eventually disinterred the corpse to donate to a museum so people could pay money to see the man who shot the president.  They cut out his brain to figure out what was wrong with him; one of its membranes was thicker than normal, possibly syphilitic, and modern medical professionals debate over which topical mental illness he likely had (some say schizophrenia, most agree that Narcissistic Personality Disorder had a huge part to play).  They also spit-polished his skeleton and turned it into a dummy to hang up in the corner of a science class, but for some reason they hid it away in a storage room rather than giving it to a university as intended.

And so ends the story of Charles Julius Guiteau.  He was a man without reason, without honor, without a lick of common sense or self-awareness.  I feel bad for him because despite how horrible a person he was, he was clearly sick and needed help at a time when no such help existed.  His life story is comical and tragic.  He’ll never be as well known as John Wilkes Booth or Lee Harvey Oswald, and that’s probably for the best.  A fitting end for a narcissist, to be mostly forgotten by history.

His gun isn’t even in a museum, the police eventually misplaced it.  And I’m sure THAT is what he’d be most mad about today.

[lcncasters-blog]

hey everyone!!! i’m d, i’m 23, and i use they/them pronouns. super hyped about being here so i’ma just get right into it

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for over 4 years. that being said, he does have a fuck ton of information, so while the bullet points are going to be as condensed as i can possibly make them, you should really check out the appearance section (or you can just look at my sidebar which is wonderful artwork of kai one of my close friends did for me --- give them love on their art blog nialls ok SO talented) of his STATS FRAMEWORK and then if you really hate yourself i have a DEVELOPMENT TAG too with a bunch of headcanons (feel free to RB the rebloggable ones from me btw)

LOUIS TOMLINSON? no ⏤ KAI LANCASTER, the DEMIBOY is TWENTY-THREE and was born with a GOLD soul, and now has a GREY soul. i would describe HIM/THEM as EXUBERANT + BRAVE, yet CARELESS + IMPATIENT. KAI spends HIS/THEIR time PLAYING AT SMALL VENUES WITH HIS ALT ROCK BAND AND WORKING AS A NANNY and has lived in seattle for TWO YEARS.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born a gold soul into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now.

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever – and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place.

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows different and yeah i mean. essentially like.... the most “smudges” on his soul kinda came from his sitch w her bc he was always coming and leaving and dropping her and returning when she needed him and like. he TRIED but he just COULDN’T? anyways

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off, broke the guy’s heart, and made his soul even darker.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering songs on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 20 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to seattle in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. on top of that, kai was homesick and restless and felt trapped because that’s what kai does and it’s not okay and it’s totally wrong and he cheated on them soooo there’s another tick against his soul ig. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family.

he plays live shows at small venues in bars/clubs and still seeks to make a living as a musician but it’s hard out there and plus his soul aint exactly the prettiest to look at any more. i mean he doesn’t have a DARK DARK grey soul, it’s more a lighter grey, not quite silver, but definitely not storm clouds.

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

SEND ME AN IM OR LIKE IF YOU WANT TO PLOT!

[lcncastersarchive-blog]

am I finally here?/?????/ // / /ye a ? ok hi, i’m d, i’m 23, and i’m from the eastern timezone. they/them. i’m a mess so like, y’know, honey, u got a big storm comin

so kai is my fave character and kinda notoriously The Worst while also being The Best, so i’m warning y’all before we even go in that he’s actually so sloppy and wild pls proceed w/ caution. i’ve been playing him for almost 4 years (his “birthday” is march 23rd) and like actual shout-out to chloe who i evidently wrote with on him in indie 2 years ago u got me shook ily tho

now 2 the good part?? which is basically the disorganized horror of me trying to condense him into bullet points. i have a massive STATS FRAMEWORK right there, and his bio can be clicked through from that point as well. if you’re really hating yourself tonight, you can look at my DEVELOPMENT tag too which is pretty much a compilation of useless facts that not 1 single person asked for. anyway.

TW FOR TERMINAL ILLNESS/CANCER, SUBSTANCE ABUSE MENTIONS, ABLEISM, & MENTIONS OF SELF-HARM/SUICIDE.

kai was born into a pretty posh, old-money typea family in manchester, uk. like i’m talking on his mothers side they’re all doctors, lawyers, scholars, etc, etc, and on his dad’s side entrepeneurs. his parents themselves built a fairly large business from the ground up together that now goes by the name of lancaster industries. their current biggest venture and pretty much what they’ve built the whole of their fortune on is a chain of luxury hotels that you can find basically in every major city in the world.

he had 3 younger sisters who he essentially raised considering his parents were too busy to be around during their childhood. only two of them are still living, his youngest sister having passed a couple years ago at the age of 7 from leukemia.

his mother is literally the devil? kai always hated school/struggled in it for a multitude of reasons, not the least of which were his not diagnosed adhd and his dyslexia, which he never got the help he probably needed for. he’s always kinda just thought he was extremely stupid, and that idea was reinforced by the way his mother always used to tell him the very same thing. “think harder, kai. use your brain.” is a phrase that’s essentially been reinforced so many times in his head, he p much hears her voice ringing in his ears every time he gets so much as vaguely confused now. 

that being said, despite how he struggled in school, he was always a very vibrant, kind, charismatic, and magnetic young person. he tends to draw people into him with his silly nature and upbeat attitude, and he’s kind of the Eternal Optimist, so he was fairly popular when he was attending. to say he has eccentricities would be putting it lightly, and he’s loud, never seeming to run out of things to say or fail to command the interest of the room.

anyway things with his mum only got worse in his relationship with her when he barely managed to complete his a levels by the skin of his teeth (and with an absurd amount of tutoring), and then refused to go to the university of her choosing. she p much wanted him to “get his shit together” so he could take over the family business someday, but i am not kidding when i say kai would wilt away and probably legit just die if he had to work in a place like that forever -- and that’s assuming he even got through business school in the first place. 

his father was always a push-over and sort of was absent/bent to her will when he was around, so he didn’t bother to defend kai when his mother decided 2 cut him off from everything and essentially ex-communicate him once she realised he was refusing 2 be manipulated and forced into shit anymore.

that was at age 18, and by that point he had plans to move out and travel to london with his best mate anyway, so he was basically like “peace out” and got the hell out of dodge. he still harbours a lot of guilt for abandoning his younger sisters, particularly so considering his youngest one fell ill so soon after his departure.

he lives, breathes, and sleeps piano. music as a whole is something he’s passionate about, having taken the time to develop his somewhat unorthodox voice, but the way his fingers fly over the ivories is a living art form more than it is anything. it’s how he communicates, how he speaks his deepest truth and just like? put those feelings out there into the world that he otherwise wouldn’t be able to articulate in the common vernacular.

so what he wants to do with his life is to just? talk to people? through his music? to play for them and the be in front of a crowd every night and to feel the energy of them, to command them with his presence and to exist with them in that way. he almost gets high off of it? he’s been playing small shows since age nineteen with his band, but since he moved to america he obvi hasn’t had them and has been on his own.

SORRY I’M REALLY TRYING TO CONDENSE THIS so ok basically he was in love w this girl from the time they were 14. they lost their virginity 2 each other, they were on & off all through HS, & then through to age 20 after he moved away and all that. she was v v ill and struggled with mental illness and kai tried his best 2 take care of her, but he was always in over his head despite his dedication to like making her feel OKAY. she needed help that he could not give 2 her, and they ended up breaking up & him letting her go at the end. she died soon after that, and it remains unclear 2 him whether or not it was a suicide. it was officially ruled as an “accident”, but he knows better.

after that he got involved with this boy who was a substance abuser, addicted to H to b exact, and for a while he thought that he was getting better and they were building off of each other, building a healthy life together. the fact he called kai his “new addiction” was probably never a good thing, but kai didn’t recognize that at the time. they got engaged eventually, and kai was 100% convinced that he was the actual love of his life after caro. of course, in the end, it wasn’t built to last, and when it went bad, it went really bad. kai eventually felt like there was a chasm several miles deep between them, and he had no hope of getting to the other side again. he broke it off.

THIS NEXT ONE IS KINDA AN OPTION CONNECTION OKAY SO IF ANY1 IS INTERESTED PLS PLS LMK!!!

kai has been posting vids on YT of him covering song on his YouTube for like actual years, and when he was around 21 he met this person via the comments section on one of them. they seemed to be quite the fan of his interpretation of some of the songs he chose to play. they ended up talking more and more as time went on, exchanging contact information, and grew very very very close.

that was the start of the LDR that is what brought him to america/to wilson in the first place. they were together for about eight months and had seen each other in person three times for a total of about 3 weeks before he made the decision to get started on his visa and move to the states. the moment he was able to, he crossed the pond and moved in w them!!

strain on their relationship was created when at first kai was unable to find work and contribute to the bills and the household funds. they lived in a tiny flat, and going from barely seeing each other to having each other all at once and all the time was a lot. within six months of his arrival, they broke up, and kai moved out.

he couch surfed w some friends he’d met 4 a while, and eventually found a decent paying job as a nanny for a well off family. he also plays the occasional smol show at the lantern when he can (!!!!)

he’s still working on getting his full citizenship though he’s v v v close 2 it & has been lowkey getting help from his cousin w paying for the process so!!

THAT’S BASICALLY IT

last but not least IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY  ICOULDN’T MAKE THIS SHORTER I JUST HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS AND fEELIGNSA

please LIKE THIS if you wanna plot with kai and i’ll slide into your DM’s

[pkmncoordinators]

ACLU Commission #2

Summary: Briar takes Allie to her first con. Notes: Thank you very much to @kasuria for your donation! I hope you enjoy this!

“Hold still. You’ll make me mess up!”

“Sorry…”

Briar continued to fidget regardless of his girlfriend’s admonishment, to which Allie loudly sighed. He winced at the noise. He felt bad, but it couldn’t be helped. Every careful stroke of her brush was cold and ticklish; it was summer, and the Pokémon Center kept the temperatures crazy low indoors, so the paint was frigid to the touch.

“Are you almost finished?” Briar asked impatiently.

“Yes, just hang on,” Allie said, exasperated. She dabbed her brush into the red ink again to add her final touches. “And… there! All done!”

She stepped back to admire her work and, after her moment of reveling, granted him permission to look in the mirror. Her go-ahead sent a jolt of excitement through him; he jumped to his feet and spun around to the vanity behind him. He was amazed: Allie had expertly recreated the Littleroot Crimson’s Season 6 helmet, three-pronged visor and all… on his face.

“Whoa…” Briar lifted his hand in awe to the visor.

“Don’t touch!” Allie swatted his hand away from the still-drying paint. He looked sheepish, and her gaze softened before she coyly asked, “So you like it?”

“I love it.” He turned to her fully and grinned. “It’s awesome! This looks exactly like the helmet Crimson wore when he fought—”

“I know, I know,” Allie cut him off with a smile and a sigh. “You made me watch the entire series… twice.”

She, herself, was dressed as Rustboro Ivory, the clever heroine and love interest of Crimson, the cool team leader. She had taken more liberties with her cosplay: Rather than a white jumpsuit, she wore a dress. It wasn’t faithful to the original costume like his was, but at least it still had the signature black belt with the Hoenn Rangers logo buckled around her waist.

Still… Briar had to admit she looked pretty cute in it.

“So!” Allie clapped her hands together. “You ready to go?”

“Oh yeah,” Briar said, pumped.

He didn’t know how he had managed to swing it, but he had talked Allie into going to a con with him. Not just any con, though: the annual Slateport City Con, the biggest in the Hoenn region. He didn’t think she would at all be interested when he, shuffling his feet, asked if, well, maybe, she’d consider going in costume with him several months earlier. She had seemed pretty okay with the idea though—cementing Allie as the best girlfriend ever in his mind—and now the big day had arrived.

Less than a minute inside the convention center, and they were already stopped by another cosplayer—this one dressed as the heroine from the Brycen-Man film series, though her makeup and costuming skills were far less superior than Allie’s—for a photo.

“Your costumes are amazing,” she cooed, “and I totally ship Crimson and Ivory too. Do you mind if I take a picture?”

“Oh, sure!” Allie agreed, though slightly startled. Briar understood: It was her first con and her first exposure to fans who weren't… him. Nevertheless, she flashed a beautifully winsome, idol-worthy smile for the camera as Briar wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Perfect!” the Brycen-Man heroine exclaimed, saving the photo on her phone. “Do you have a Pikipeker handle I could tag you in?”

“Nah, but thanks,” Briar said. He reached into his bag and pulled out the schedule he had just picked up and the front desk.

“I do have a PokéGram,” Allie said.

“Oh yeah? What’s your account?”

“It’s @allie_dances,” she answered, preparing to spell it, but then the Brycen-Man heroine sharply inhaled.

“No way! You’re Allie Hayden?” she asked. “I adore your performances.”

“Ah, yes!” Allie suddenly looked proud. “Yes, I am. Thank you!”

Briar was deep into planning by then and had tuned the two ladies out. There was so much to do: a voice actor signing, a Q&A, some panels… but the biggest draw, for him, was an early screening of next season’s first episode for Hoenn Rangers starting at 3:00 p.m. It would be his first live one; prior to then, he’d always watched some poorly recorded version online, but not this time. This time, he’d be watching it in all its HQ glory on a giant screen surrounded by his fellow nerds and sitting next to his girlfriend.

“You know,” the Brycen-Man heroine said, leaning confidentially toward Allie. “There is a couple’s costume contest later today. You and your boyfriend should enter. I think you could win! At least, I’d vote for you.”

“Really?” Allie asked, intrigued. “When is it?”

“I’m pretty sure it starts at 3 p.m. …”

They parted ways, and Allie drew Briar back into reality.

“So, where to first, Crimson?” she asked playfully.

“Uh…” He wracked his brain: There were so many options, and so little time. “The… the Artist’s Alley! I wanna make sure I can get a good look at all the art before it sells out.”

“Then Artist’s Alley it is,” Allie said with another brilliant smile, and Briar felt everything in him melt.

There was a lot to be had at the alley. Briar had saved for months, and still he had a hard time budgeting himself to get everything he really wanted: a figurine of Littleroot Crimson (“Not a toy,” he said, scowling at Allie when she snickered. “Besides, it provides a good reference for when I wanna draw him.”), a black T-shirt with an original Hoenn Rangers design, a few notebooks in the same fashion, and a couple fanmade art books. Allie herself bought a few trinkets and some jewelry she liked.

From there, it was on to the panels, all of which Briar adored and Allie managed to find some entertainment in. Most notable was a Hoenn Rangers trivia event, which Briar handily won. He got a gift card to a local restaurant for his victory, and he and Allie already planned to use it that evening in celebration.

It was 2:30, and Briar showed no signs of slowing down.

“Man, this is so awesome…” Briar remarked cheerfully. “I think this is the best day I’ve had in a long time!”

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself,” Allie said.

“I got to thank you,” Briar said, pausing to face her. “It means a lot that you came with me. It really does. This wouldn’t be half as fun without you.”

Allie was touched, but said, “Well, it makes you happy, so I’m happy too.”

“Isn’t there anything you’d like to do?” Briar asked. “I mean, we’ve done stuff for me all day. But there’s gotta be something for you here. It doesn’t have to be related to Hoenn Rangers!”

“Well…” Allie averted her gaze. “Actually…”

“What is it?” Briar pressed.

“There is this couples cosplay contest today… I think it would be fun if you and I entered it…” Allie said.

“Done.” Briar grinned. “What time is it?”

“It starts at 3.”

Briar’s heart fell.

“… 3? As in 3 p.m.?” he asked.

“Yeah. Is there a problem with that?” she asked.

Briar swallowed. 3 p.m. That was when the screening began. It was practically the whole reason he came—okay, well, maybe not, but he had still been looking forward to it all day…

Allie’s dark blue eyes searched his and, sensing something was wrong, started, “Well, it’s no big deal, we can just—”

“No, no!” Briar cut in decisively. “There is no problem. I’d love to enter the couples cosplay contest.”

“You would?” Allie perked up.

“Yeah.” Briar nodded. Allie was so delighted she couldn’t help but embrace him in excitement.

They were a shoe-in. No one could hold a candle to Crimson and Ivory, especially with Allie’s skills. And Briar didn’t even regret missing the screening: Allie’s kiss on the cheek and another gift card to a different restaurant, usage planned for tomorrow night, made it all worth it.

Besides… he could always catch the episode online later.