#okay the first like.. 9 i got were about them dying. why

[writingbyshiloh]

Third Time's the Charm

Request: Hii,if your request are still open can i request something for Gen V?Can you write something where Jordan and fem reader are childhood best friends and Jordan had always been in love with her but they feel insecure because they don’t know if reader will like them in both forms romantically?So when,in ep 3,Jordan dad goes like “Y/n and Jordan will be husband and wife” reader goes “Maybe we will be wife and wife”because she loves Jordan just like they are?

AN: Reader wants to be the first supe president (just to explain why they’re at the gala), I changed the timeline of the ep a tiny bit. I have another request about meeting Jordan's parents but that one might be more angsty.

CW: fem!reader, kissing, no beta, Jordan's parents are just their warning. The start is all flashbacks so I may have slipped on the tense a few times, no beta

WC: 2.0K

Jordan Li was your first kiss. Twice. The first time was in kindergarten, when they tried to kiss you and you smacked them with your Queen Mauve lunch box. Your second first kiss (the one you consider your actual first kiss) was done by you while playing truth or dare at 14. After picking a dare, you were asked to kiss the best-looking guy in the group. You shrugged and picked your best friend - Jordan. 

At age six, they were there when you broke your ankle trying to see if you could fly (you couldn’t). When you did get powers, they were the first person you told.

When Jordan came out to you as bigender, you did an internet deep-dive, trying to understand as much as possible.

Jordan listened to every interaction you had with your high school crush while quietly dying inside, wanting you to be happy. When your high school boyfriend cheated on you and then dumped you for the girl he cheated with, Jordan was there, ready to sink hours into their Xbox to keep you distracted.

The worst week of your life was when you didn't speak to Jordan for 9 whole days. You got into a petty argument where you called them self-absorbed and they called you clingy. The fight snowballed into yelling arguments and ended with you receiving a cold shoulder from Jordan. 

When Jordan got their wisdom teeth removed, you camped out in their room, snuggled under their duvet with them to watch Property Brothers for two days straight. You even made sure they took their painkillers on time and used ice packs.

Every fight with their parents, you were outside in your car ready to pick up Jordan to stay with you. Once you showed up at their house at 6:03 am, eyes blurry with sleep and still in pyjamas. Jordan was crying, bob haircut looked messy from sleep. You drove them to Vought-A-Burger, still half asleep and ate greasy breakfast sandwiches in your car until Jordan stopped crying. 

Jordan was even your date to prom, taking photos with you in their masculine form to get their parents off their back. Once their parents were happy, you snuck them back to yours, where you stashed their prom dress. 

You both even applied to God U together. Too nervous to check your acceptance, Jordan checked yours and you checked theirs. Sitting across from each other on your bed you both log in before giving the laptops to each other.

“Okay, three, two, one…” you counted down, opening Jordan’s laptop. Your eyes scanned for any promising words like congratulations, or welcome. "Accepted" was the first word your eyes caught but you need to fuck with them.

“Jord… I’m so sorry.” You start. Their face falls, and you feel like a dick for doing this. But the opportunity is too good to pass up. “That you believed me! Because you got in!”

They lunged across your bed to see what the screen says. You saw Jordan's eyes scan the same letter you just read, picking out the same words. 

“You’re such an asshole!” they told you, rolling their eyes, gently hitting your arm with the back of their hand

You’ve never been shy about showering Jordan with compliments. Saved in screenshots never to see the light of day, Jordan has kept some of them. 

You: OMG!!! Jordan you’re so pretty. I’m so lucky to call you my friend. 

You: You’re so handsome!!! I love your hair slicked back! If she doesn’t agree you need to drop her. 

You: ur a solid 9/10. Lost a point for not giving me a sip of your drink yesterday lol

Jordan Li has been in love with you since age 16. Probably earlier, if they want to admit that to themselves. You’ve only ever expressed interest in men so they kept their feelings to themselves, not wanting to make you uncomfortable, figuring it was better to have you as a friend only than not at all. 

In your first year, you were even roommates. While Jordan flourished in crim, you bounced between majors before settling into politics.

Every time you brought some frat guy to your shared dorm, Jordan died inside. Trying to get over their long-standing crush, Jordan did the same.

When Jordan made number 2 on the top five, you celebrate with them. Maybe a bit too hard that night.

You were there when their ranking dropped after the death of Brink. A man you only met twice, but you would do anything for Jordan. Especially given how hard you fell for both versions of them last year.

“I’m going to try to tag team with your dad, get some points for you and keep him engaged, yeah?” You ask over your shocker. Jordan is behind you, ready to help with zipper duty for your dress.

“You don’t have to.”

You let out a small scoff. “Dude. I’m doing poli supe. Schmoozing with rich people is like half our courses. Zip me up please.”

“How long have you known Jordan? You seem to be a good couple.” The man you and Jordan's dad suckered into a conversation asks. He's sitting beside Jordan's parents, while you and Jordan are on the edge of some fancy pit or table. 

“Well, these two have known each other pretty well over the years. Jordan tried to kiss her when they were kids, and she hit him with her Black Noir lunch box.”

“It was a Queen Mauve lunch box, actually.” You say with a laugh.

“And she called him ‘Jojo’ for probably the next two years out of spite.” Kayla laughs. It's a special embarrassment when your parents tell stories about your childhood. All the stories are about you but it's been so long ago you can’t remember any of it. Jordan looks worse off, slouchy posture against the banister, while you sit next to him. Part of you wants to tell him to sit up straight, but you figure you can play the grief angle better this way. 

“Oh, and remember when Jordan got his wisdom teeth out? You guys were inseparable. I think I still have the photo of you two passed out watching TV!” Kayla gushes, reaching for her phone to find the photo.

“We all thought you two would be president and First Gentleman.” Dad insists. Your smile is fake and tight, knowing if Paul pulls out prom photos, you would have to quietly fling yourself out of a window. 

Maybe you drank a bit too much liquid courage. Maybe the tension between them and their parents was getting to you. To give Jordan some space, you took their parents for a tour of your classes, knowing they’ll be talking to your family when they go back to Rochester.

Jordan shifting doesn’t even cause you to raise an eyebrow, the subtle sound just blurs into the background.

“Or president and First Lady.” You blurt out, four pairs of eyes darting towards you. “First supes in the Whitehouse? It would be political dynamite.”

“You like this version of Jordan?” Dad asks with bewilderment.

“Of course. I like Jordan because of how smart and driven they are. I like Jordan because of their weird sense of humour. It doesn’t matter what they look like.” you say, trying to prove it to their parents, but also to them. You’ve picked up on their crush many times, too kind to say something that would embarrass them or hurt them. It’s only recently how much you found yourself staring at fem Jordan and wanting to kiss her too. 

“I’m going to go and mingle some more.” says the man, Brad or Rob maybe. You forgot his name right after you met him. His words are like a bucket of cold water was dumped over you. You don’t confess your feelings to Jordan just to Jordan, but in front of their judgy parents, and a possible donner. You need to go. 

You stand and straighten out your dress. 

“I’m going to go too. Other donors to talk to. Go Jordan!" You finish with an awkward laugh and even more cringy go team! gesture by yourself. 

You didn't lie to Jordan and their parents. You did go and talk to other donors but it twists your stomach every time you bring up how amazing their grades are, or how skillful they are at fighting. After donor number three gives you an answer that technically was “we’ll see” but heavily implied to be "yes for Jordan” you went to hide in the bathroom. You have enough battery left on your V-phone to keep it going for most of the night. Tomorrow you can talk to Jordan and hope you don’t fuck it all up. 

You barely look up when the door opens, already have done too much for the day to care who it is. 

‘Hey, can we talk?” You snap to attention at the voice. Of course, you know that voice. It's Jordan, still feminine presenting. 

“Fuck, Jord, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have spring that on you. I promise I’ll just go back and try to get you some votes, you’re going through a lot.” You say, in a rush to get the words out, desperate not to fuck up you’re friendship. The rim of the sink is hard against your back but you can’t help but shrink into it. 

“Did you mean it?” They ask, still keeping a distance from you.

“Yeah, of course, I don’t want to ruin this friendship.”

“No, what you said in front of my parents.” 

Oh right. Your confession. Fuck. It's already out there, might as well keep it going. 

“I may, uh-” you curse yourself for leaving your drink outside the bathroom, wanting something in your hands to stall. “-have a crush. On you. My best friend.” You twist your hands together, wishing Jordan didn’t look so pretty. If your heart beats any faster you may go into cardiac arrest. 

It's Jordan that indicates your third first kiss. It's gentle, and fast, like the second one. She pulls back quickly, but you run your fingers through her hair and pull her closer. The intensity from the first first kiss is still there, only this time you both share it. Her hand smooths up to your face, thumb stroking your cheek in a silent invitation to open your mouth. You comply, and tilt your head into her palm. Her tongue sweeps into your mouth and you can taste the champagne they were drinking. 

The sound of the door opening makes you both jump.

“Stall?” You ask, voice low and hushed. You squirm out from where she has you between the sink and her. You push the door open to the nicest-looking stall, desperate to keep kissing Jordan. They follow your lead eagerly, one hand wrapped around your shoulder to keep you near. 

Dipping their head, they softly kiss your jaw before moving onto your neck. You silently thank the other two women arguing in the bathroom so that your gasp goes unnoticed. Giving Jordan's hair a small tug, you pull them back up to you. The shit-eating grin they flash you makes you want to almost get caught again. 

Your free hand moves to their waist, trying to get as close to them as physically possible. 

You pull back slightly, wanting so desperately to get lost in the moment, but the commotion in the other stall is distracting. Plus you’re nosey.

Jordan frowns when you pull away, eyes scanning your face for something they did wrong. You shake your head and tip it over to the stall.

“The fuck?” They mouth to you, hand still around your shoulder.

You gently push Jordan against the door to give yourself space to squat down. You see two pairs of feet in the stall across the wall. You hear the voices quiet down, before the sound of someone peeing. You frown slightly, weird fetish to do at a memorial gala but you hear rumours about students into more fucked up shit. 

“We should get outta here.” You whisper to Jordan. 

“Weird place for our third first kiss.” Jordan whispers back. You reach around them to unlock the stall door. Third first kiss. You replay the words in your head, a warm feeling blooming in your chest. 

You gently push them out of the stall, trying to keep your laughs quiet as you both scurry past the other couple in the stall. 

[herdivineama]

How would yandere Ekko handle a darling who got injured while trying to escape?

Ty 4 reading my request!

ㅤ        ㅤ             ⠀◌   𑁍 _ my baby fire     ⸝⸝  

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not proofread

if you escape during an important firelight meeting and he find that out DURING the meeting, oh he would be pissed but he wouldn’t be able to show it cause the members didn’t even know that he kidnapped you, everyone just thought you were the secret lover he was hiding for so long.

but let him catch you running, hiding etc and you’re injured. he would be concerned first and making sure you’re not dying on him.

“hey hey—you’re okay. relax, i’m not going to hurt you.” he walks slowly towards you as you backed up until your back hit a wall. your whole body tenses; coming to terms with your faint and freedom slipping away from you and completely vanish as the white haired boy stood before you. a sharp piece of wood cut your side, deep but not deep enough for major stitches or brink of death.

he would cradle you back to the hideout, everyone becoming worried about your obvious bleeding out and the children wanting to comfort you but ekko gently pushed them away, reassuring them that you’ll be okay. you’re not seeing the light of day for a month. minimum.

“firefly.” he spoke sternly as he cleans the wound properly but deliberately making it slow and painfully for you to hurt. “what did i tell you about running away?” his voice low and the feeling of pressure on your chest was unbearable and his burning gaze as you stared at the wall the entire time. “you’re so ungrateful.”

his top priority was healing you up first then feeding you. don’t try to refuse eating he will shove it down your throat if needed.

“now.” he slowly paces in front of you, sitting in the cold basement with chains tying your hands tightly. he grabs your face firm but gently. “who have you the right idea to try to get away from me? hm?” he breathes out and his head slide down from your face to your neck, his hand form around your neck but doesn’t squeeze it. “such a pretty thing. you’re too good for zaun.” he mumbled, more to himself than you. his lips connect to your lips, firm but soft; the type of affection signaling you’re never escaping after today.

he’ll only allow you out of the basement is to play with the children or help around the base, understand his strict watching of course, he can’t have his firefly running out into the dangerous world again, especially zaun, you seen this dump? why do you think he made firelights in the first place? is to keep people safe, to keep you safe.

©︎ A M A T E R A S U. all rights reserved. please don't plazarize, copy, or steal any of my works without my permission, thank you !

edit: 9:40pm: omg this was suppose to come out yesterday at 8pm with episode 2 of purpose of fun love but the queue set it to 4am and i didn’t feel like changing it or posting it earlier than it set to be cause i actually have a post limit ( 2-3 max ) so i just let it be.

[heartbreakgrill]

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Part 9; "Never seen that color blue."

“No, yeah, of course! Noo…no! Thank you! I seriously appreciate all of your help and understanding during this! I hope you have a wonderful day! Yeah, aw, thanks! You, too! Yeah- okay- bye!”

My faux smile dropped as soon as my hand did, phone falling to a silenced settle on my left thigh. I breathed a shallow breath of somehow anxious relief, so ironic that it made me want to scream.

Max reached across the bed and rubbed my knee comfortingly, “You okay?”

I wanted to snort, yell, kick my feet, and laugh hysterically. Throw a temper tantrum, wish on a star, kiss a fucking frog. Fall on my knees, beg the skies. Change fate's cruel course of time.

But my expression was blank as I shrugged, “What can ya do?”

The corner of his lips lifted into the saddest smile. His thumb brushed my skin, “It’s gonna be alright. Once you settle back in, things will start to feel normal. You can start…moving on. And, hey, I’m visiting in just a month. You have that to look forward to. School starting, your new role at the clinic. So many good things, Daz.”

He was right- I had so much to be excited about. I really should’ve felt excited, grateful. A better woman would have. A better woman would have seen the blessings all around her and felt so full of life and love. God, she would’ve respected herself enough to not be in this situation in the first place.

Yet I couldn’t help but feel resentful, knowing that I would trade all of it for-

for him.

For Oliver.

I would give up everything for just another moment, hanging onto his lips like a vine. Just a second of growth, even if being ripped away meant digging up the roots and my leaves dying.

I just gave Max that fake smile, knowing full well he was aware that it meant nothing. “You’re right. It’ll be good for me to be home.”

He squeezed my knee before removing his hand. “You wanna finish packing? Or maybe take a break? Get some food?”

I glanced around at the mess of clothes across Sam and I’s hotel room. My bags lay open, a few piles of my stuff already stuffed inside. But there was more than half to be done. So much to be done before I went…before I went home tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Less than 12 hours from now. I’d be heading back to reality. Closing the doors on Europe, on everything and everybody I’d be leaving here.

There was just one week left on the European leg of the two. Tomorrow morning, everyone will be leaving for Germany. I’d go to the airport with them, like normal, but depart at a separate gate, at the same exact time. Those who needed to know, well, I was going to tell them. And those who needed to know the reason why would, too. Sam was going to think I was going home because of an offer for a higher position from the clinic I worked at. But this was only partially true. Training for that wouldn’t even start for another 3 weeks. School wasn’t for a month.

I was leaving for me- for clarity, fresh air. Oliver was right- London was foggy, full of pollution and shitty, selfish men.

I needed to get away, out. Back to routine and home. Back to what I knew- what wouldn’t hurt me.

I looked back to Max, “I'm gonna finish packing. Get it over with. Before Sam gets back. I think it might hurt his feelings to walk in and see this…mess.”

Mess might have held a double meaning. I had looked better, for sure. Max understood, I think, for he knocked his shoulder against mine, then stood from the bed. “We got it, Daz.”

I stood up quickly, knowing the only way to get started was to just start. Stand. Move. (I wanted to crawl into a hole and die.)

It took us another hour or so to finish stuffing my belongings into their bags. I had bought maybe one too many souvenirs, so we struggled to find a place for everything. When we were done, I slew myself across the end of the bed, breathing heavily, sweating a little bit.

Max groaned from the floor, “Why do you own so many things?!”

“Dude, I don’t even know. It’s gonna take me 12 years to unpack!”

He chortled, half-heartedly, patting his stomach as an afterthought. “I am soooo hungry. What do you wanna eat?”

I sat up as he did so, shrugging a bit, “You pick. I don’t have the energy for all that.”

“I’m good with the hotel restaurant if you are.”

“Fuck it.”

So, we sludged our way downstairs. I hadn’t been leaving my room much, worried you-know-who would cross my path and shake things up again. Though, I doubted he was looking for me. He hadn’t so much as texted me since last week. Oliver was probably sulking, convincing himself that he was the victim in this whole thing. The thought made my blood rush a little bit. I clenched my fist as the elevator doors closed, trying to focus on breathing and not screaming.

The past three had been probably one of the worst of my life. I was so…so sad. So angry. Confused. Nothing made sense, yet all of my fears had come true. It was like I knew all the answers, but my bones felt so put off by how they manifested themselves. Like, what do you mean the cold, dark, distant boy turned out to be a cheating, manipulative liar? Right on the money.

My rational mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that it still felt so…disappointing? Wrong? Fucked the fucking fuck up.

The doors slid open. I followed, quietly, behind Max as we headed for the inlet to the left of the front counter. This was a usual part of my new found routine, grabbing food with Max. Albeit, sneakily, with numerous texts between the two of us (me, badgering him) ensuring nobody else (Oliver) was down here. In avoiding him, I had been avoiding everybody else, too.

I could already see their knowing looks. Sam could read me like a book. Ronnie was way psychic and usually felt the vibe of a situation long before it occurred. Adam, obviously, already was aware. And I'm sure he would have relayed the information to Cyrus.

I was exuding this aura of heartbroken, school-girl-fantasy-crushed, sad-puppy shit. I felt tired, and I’m sure my eyes looked it, too. Any passerby probably could have read my emotions pretty well. No matter, I’d be out of here soon. Back home. I could heal, rest, relax, find somebody else to fuck and get the fuck over this dumb ass white boy.

My dumb ass white boy. I’d tried not to think about him, so deeply sunk into this angry feeling that I couldn’t even fathom the idea of missing what had hurt me. Alas, every once and a while (between every other curse I thought of) something would flash through my mind. A distant memory, an image of his deep-ocean blue eyes shining with flames from the rooftop firepit, triggered by a breath, a catch of the wind, a sink in my heart. I’d feel a little moth flicker in my chest. An air bubble, taut in my stomach, would have me hiccuping from gushing tears in an instant.

I think it was the deep blue suede of the hotel bar’s stools that did it this time. I brushed a hand, slowly, watching the color shift from the movement of the fabric. The lighter color reminded me of a time he felt the way I did right now. Sadness. Maybe it hadn’t meant as much to him, maybe his depravity was not comforted by me. But that moment, when I held him, when he nuzzled his head into my neck and began crying-

“Wanna drink?” Max rested a hand on my shoulder, drawing my attention back from where I was trudging through fleeting, erasing moments.

I ceased my body from flinching, willed away the wetness in my eyes, and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s get a drink.”

Which was a mistake.

One drink turned to appetizers turned to three drinks turned to main courses, 5 drinks, 2 shots, and dessert. Before I knew it, Max and I were cackling over some typo on some Twitter post. I gripped his shirt sleeve and hoped I wouldn’t slide off the bar stool. For the first time in a week, I wasn’t concerning myself with the logistics of sticking around in this public area as long as we had been. I wasn’t even thinking of Oliver. In fact, Max and I were discussing some of our favorite shitposts about American politics. My mind was far away from dumb Brits and idiotic Europeans.

Of course, the world had a very funny way of spitting in my face.

Adam, Cyrus, and- low and behold- Oliver came strolling into the bar right when Max and I finished ordering another drink. I felt a little sick, watching as they neared us. Oliver wasn’t paying attention. He never did. His head, sunken into his hoodie, hands shoved in his pockets. He moved like the Grim Reaper. I wondered if he had come to take my soul away.

Adam and Cyrus seemed…on edge. They noticed Max and I only after they’d made it halfway across the room. Adam hesitated on his next step, catching my eye, worriedly glancing between me and Oliver.

Max was aware, at this point. He cut himself off mid sentence, swiping a hand across his lips. “Shit,” he mumbled to himself. “Daisy…let’s go.”

His fingers brushed through mine in a desperate grasp to pull me along with him, towards the door. I was drunk. I was not thinking. I was hysterical, sad, heartbroken, angry. I tugged my hand away, instead flipping into the air to wave and cheerfully catch the group’s full attention.

“Cy! Adam!” I couldn’t quite catch his name on my tongue. I thought I might puke. “Hey, girl!”

Oliver looked up at the sound of voice. He stopped, but three feet from our little round table. The light, dim from the overhead lamps and LED strips behind the counter, caught the round pupils in his eyes. I watched as he blinked once, twice. Blue.

“Oliver!” There it was.

He met my eye. The corners of his lids wilted, like the petals of a flower, aged, saddened. Drops of rain dropping them in weight. Max looked between the two of us. Cyrus busied himself with buying a drink. Adam slouched in the awkward, pregnant air. Oliver ignored me, moved around our group to sit as far away as possible.

I clenched my jaw. Rage. Utter, pure anger. How dare he deny me even now? The fact that he had not come to my door in the past few days, on his knees, begging for my forgiveness- I was seething. And, now, he goes back to his old tricks. Pretending like I don’t exist.

I turned to Max, who was bracing for impact. His hands were wary, held up near me as if to catch my fall. I shrugged, smiled cheekily, wrinkled my nose. I bumped Adam’s shoulder with mine and declared, “Shots on me?”

He continued his smug slump in the bar stool for the next hour. Adam, Cyrus, Max, and I hung like the old pals we were, cracking jokes, swapping stories like we were surrounding a campfire. I glanced at Oliver every once in a while, hoping to accidentally make eye contact like we used to. He stared down at his phone or his glass. I was surprised the device worked considering he’d fucking forgotten my contact existed or something.

Ugh.

What a fucking ass hole.

Adam asked me a question, pulling my attention back in. “Are you excited for Germany?”

Oh. I’d almost forgotten all about this little plot. I knew that if I spoke loud enough, Oliver would hear. He’d react. I could almost hear it, the little hitch in his breath. The tickle in his throat. The flit of his tongue across his lips, the patter of his holey heart.

I felt my own chest jitter with the excitement, the want of a reaction I needed from him. The shock. The idea that I would be an ocean away from him. No longer at an arm’s length.

I turned towards Adam and rested my chin on my fist. I frowned, almost playfully, “Ugh, I hate having to tell you guys like this!”

Cyrus slowly lowered his glass from his lips, having been mid-drink, “What’s up?”

“I’m going home,” my brows furrowed in a naive look. Adam and Cyrus’ chins dropped a sliver. I pouted my lip, “Stop! I know! I’m so sad!”

I wanted to wait until the conversation was over to look down the bar, to see if even a fragment of what I was saying had affected him. But, I didn’t need to wait. Oliver had flinched. He literally flinched.

“Yeah, me, too,” Adam touched my hand. “Why so soon? I thought you were staying through August?”

“I was planning on it, but…they offered me a better position at the clinic I work at. I have to get home to start training,” I continued, a satisfied smirk teasing my mouth.

Cyrus lifted his glass, “Well, there’s nothing to be sad about, then! To your new job.”

“I’ll cheers to that,” the smirk slipped into a genuine smile. I really would miss these guys, but my drunken, stupid mind wasn’t thinking about that. I wanted more from Oliver. I wanted a white flag or a look or a…fuck, I wanted him.

I pushed, “I’ll really miss you guys. Max, with your corny-ass pick-up lines, Adam’s mom vibes, Cy’s ability to knock back more drinks than fucking- I don’t know, Spider-man, and not get drunk? Shit’s insane.”

I drank in the laughter for a moment, eyes lingering down the bar to Oliver. Then, I added a name to my list and narrowed my gaze, “Oliver,” he wouldn’t look. “With your need to ignore me in every room we’re in. I’ll really miss your cold fucking shoulder.”

Any laughter that may have hung onto our past moment faded. I heard Max take a sharp breath in through his teeth. Adam pressed his lips together. Cyrus looked over his shoulder at their friend. I didn’t know if he really knew, but he had to understand just a little bit. The vibes were always there. We thought we were sneaky, but we were so sickly up each other’s asses. We’d even run into Cyrus and Adam in the hallway that one time. I guess we were all really good at being hopefully fucking stupid and blind.

I leaned on my palm and stared that man down. I watched as he kept his chin, pointed ahead, like he was playing brave in the situation. His Adam's apple bobbed. Oliver clutched his glass, swung it back, slugged the liquid down. Slammed it back on the counter. Then, he stood up, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and threw a wad of bills onto the bar. He adjusted his hoodie and left.

I was dizzy. I stuttered back a step. Max touched my wrist, murmuring something or the other about heading back upstairs. Telling me I was too drunk.

I felt slow, felt dizzy, felt scared, felt angry, felt sad. I felt so sad. I felt so angry and so sad and…

And, my eyebrows furrowed in anger, the shock erasing itself from my frame. I took a deep, drunken breath and followed his trail. Fast. Legs pumping, arms swinging at my sides.

He was at the elevator, looking down at his shoes. I couldn’t get his name out. I think if I did the tears were going to fall out, The sobs were going to ricochet through my whole body and knock me over and kill me and I’d die and I’d never get to see that dumb asses blue eyes any more. Ever again. I wanted to see his blue eyes again. I wanted him to look at me and see me for what he sees me as. I wanted him to touch my hip and wring my neck and tell me I was the only one he wanted. I’d take it. One more time, then he could go back to her. I just wanted a goodbye.

He was stepping into the elevator. The doors were closing. I jammed a hand between and he flinched, again.

I stepped in just as the doors began to shut again. His eyes were wider than I’d ever seen them. He was frozen. Frowning. He looked…sad.

I almost reached a hand out, almost caressed his cheek and pulled him into me. But, I didn’t. Instead, I said (yelled?), “What the fuck is your problem?”

He stammered, “Wha-what?”

I struggled to repeat myself. I needed to cry. It was going to open. But, for another moment, the anger took over, “You fucking heard me. What is your problem, Oliver? What the fuck did I do to deserve this kind of shit? I don’t wanna hear more sad excuses about your fucking mental health and your-your fucking anxiety. God, I- I fucking…I don’t even k- you fucking ignored me back there! I looked right at you and I said your name and I smiled at you and…I’ve been so nice to you. I’ve been nice to you all summer and you treat me like a piece of fucking shit. God, I’ve…I’ve told you so much. I told you about my mom and…and you laid there and you told me all this bullshit about how much you liked me! And then you…youre a fucking-”

I cut myself off, out of breath. I was sweating a little bit. I think I had spit a few times. And I paced the elevator so much that I was flush against the wall. I leaned my shoulders back against the cool metal, wringing my hands, tugging at my hair.

He didn’t say anything. I breathed, hard, I thought, long. I kept thinking, and I kept getting angrier. I turned back to him, rearing up again. I had more to say, I just, I just needed to get some more concise- more thoughtful thoughts, right, exactly. Yes. I can…

“And who the fuck is F-”

“Daisy.”

There it was, my name. It was my name, soft and angelic, and holy. And a moment on his lips that he carved out of time and held a space for, for me to hear.

I stopped. I felt nothing for a moment. I looked at him and he was already waiting to see my eyes. My bottom lip wobbled.

“You’re obviously upset. And, drunk. Why don’t we talk about this in the morning? We can both get some rest.” He was always so good at two very distinct things: pushing stuff (people) aside and speaking to me in a way that felt like a cloud was wrapping itself around me. Like the cloud wanted me to lay in its arm and would coo me to sleep. Like I was safe and loved and-

Loved.

He made me feel loved.

I straightened up a bit at the thought. I pointed an accusatory finger at him, “Who the fuck is Fiona? What the fuck was that all about? Oliver, I’m not going to stand here and beg for you to love me. Or beg for you to come back to me. I just want a goddamn apology. For wasting my time, for playing with my fucking heart. For stringing me along. You knew-”

The tears came. Perfect timing. “You fucking know that I love you. You have known for a very long time. And you are an idiotic fool if you still don’t believe it. But I am not going to play this game with you. I told you that already and now I seriously mean it. I broke my back this summer to make sure that I was who you wanted me to be. So I was cool and chill and could take as much space as you wanted me to. I went with everything you asked of me, I was there when you needed a warm body. I comforted you and…and tried to fucking fix you like I knew you wanted me to. But, I am done. I am done with this. I am done-”

My voice cracked. I swiped an angry, shaking hand across my face. Vision blurred. “I am done with you. This is ridiculous. I don’t know if you meant to, but you have manipulated this situation so that you have been the one benefiting. I’m tired of letting you think you’re some broken, sad puppy dog on the side of the road that needs to be taken care of. Grow the fuck up. And, now I find out that there’s some other woman? That I- I’m the other woman, maybe? That you’re cheating on her with me? That I’m your fucking slut? Side hoe?”

I had paced again, this time, towards him. He was taller than me, but my anger was making me taller. He was almost…cowering. I pointed my finger again, nearly chest to chest with him.

“Fuck you, Oliver. Fuck you and fuck London and fuck your stupid fucking music.”

The doors opened, on our floor. I walked out, but turned to face him before he was really gone from me. I wanted to see his eyes one last time.

He was crying. I popped an arm into the door again, buying myself more time to kick him while he was down. I thought this would bring me closure. I thought I’d feel better if he knew, truly knew, the entirety. Every thought. Every hurt I felt.

“You asked me at the beginning of the summer what I was searching for. I thought that it was you. And I thought that I had found you.”

I shook my head sadly. The doorbell on the elevator rang. I stepped back, “I was right. There is no deeper meaning. Goodbye, Oliver.”

I stood there for a second, as though I could still see his blue eyes, boring through the metal doors.

Then, I sludged my way to my hotel room. I opened the door, shoulders slumped, body aching. I knew my makeup was smeared all over my face. My hair was wrecked. I couldn’t stop sniffling or whimpering. I walked into the room.

Sam sat up in his bed. Ronnie was beside him. I barely made it two more steps before Sam caught me in his arms.

–

The sky was gray. The weather in Europe usually was, especially up here on this side of the continent. I wasn’t surprised when, on our drive to the airport, it started spitting rain. I shivered underneath the cover of my hoodie, yet walked slowly through the entrance.

I remember when I had first dropped down in London, wide-eyed, hopeful. I think it had been raining then, too. But, I hadn’t cared. Come to think of it, it was raining pretty much everyday we had been in London.

Oliver was right about a couple things.

Back then, just three months ago, I hadn’t cared about the sun’s shadow curving from behind the clouds, nor did I mind that it was usually quite chilly outside. Now, I felt anger, annoyance at the weather, at the people, at the world.

At him. The stupid weight of my suitcase. The drag in my step. The wetness of my clothes and the chill of the wind.

I felt older, in the worst way. I was a different age, considering my birthday had passed while I’d been here. But, I felt old in a way that was draining. I felt like I had wasted so much time, energy, and all I had left were weary bones and sadness. Just how much I had left, I didn’t know. But I did know that as soon as I got back home, I would be rotting in my bed for a day or two.

Sam, Max, and Ronnie came to the airport early with me. My flight time had been pulled forward by an hour, so I needed to get here sooner than I thought. I wasn’t complaining, though. I couldn’t wait to get the fuck out of the hotel. Out of here. Out of London.

I hurried the process of packing my last few things. Stuffed my breakfast down my throat. Impatiently waited in the taxi, knee bouncing, as Sam and Max loaded the trunk with all of our things. Ronnie slid in beside me and became the first reason that I cried that day.

She reared a look over her shoulder, out the back window, to check on Max and Sam. Then, with an awkward sigh, she turned her knees towards me, “Peaches?”

I glanced up from my lap and the bounce of my knee slowed, “Yeah?”

Upon noticing the somber gaze in her eyes, my brows furrowed. “What’s up?” I added, fully presenting her my full attention.

Ronnie rubbed her nose in a seemingly nervous manner, “I just wanted to say…um, ew. Sorry.”

I softly giggled at her disgust with whatever sentence she was trying to form. “What is it?”

She finally met my eye in a fervently forward manner, “I usually have fun on tour. But this summer was…it was extra special. Getting to know you has been…so cool. I don’t know. I just…I love you, Daisy. You’ve become like a sister to me.”

I couldn’t help but feel the tears well up in my eyes. “Oh, Ronnie,” I sniffled, hugging her around the shoulders.

She pulled me close to her and I swear I heard her sniffle a bit, too. “I’m sorry for not noticing what was happening. I should’ve been there for you more. I got caught up in my own-”

“Don’t even apologize,” I reared back with my reply, “No. It’s nobody’s fault. I’m not even blaming myself for what happened. It was a stupid, weird situation. It was my responsibility to come to you if I needed help. I just needed…I just need to go home now.”

Ronnie smiled a sad, peaceful smile. “I hope I get to see you again soon. I don’t know what I will do without your bright light.”

“Oh, you will. You guys will be in the US soon. Sam said he was gonna drop by. I am positive you’ll be there, too,” I dropped a sly wink.

Ronnie watched my face for a moment, “I mean, of course you know now. But…” she narrowed her eyes, grinning in shocked realisation, “Fucker. You knew the whole time?!”

“Of course I knew the whole time. Sam is-” I snorted, “Sam is not hiding his lovesick, puppy-dog eyes.”

Ronnie’s gaze widened slightly, “I-”

The doors of the taxi popped open as the boys joined us, Max in the back on my other side, Sam in the front. He saw our laughing, secretive expressions in the rearview mirror and turned back. “What are you two doing?”

I brushed my hands across my cheeks to clear whatever tears might’ve been rolling still, then shook my head. “Nothing, Sam-Ham.”

He turned his eyes to Ronnie and tilted his chin forward. She shrugged, a smug smile contorting her once saddened face. Ronnie dropped a wink, “Nothing at all.”

The second person to make me cry was Max. Out of everyone, he was probably my best friend at this point. We had spent so much time together, out drinking, dancing, holed up in my hotel room with trays of room service, movies on the tv. He had been there through one of the most terrifying, exhilarating, strange summers of my life. We were bonded forever, now. I could feel it.

He was helping me check in while Sam and Ronnie headed to drop off our baggage. They were all just planning on hanging for the extra hour until it was time to check in for their flight. I was grateful they all wanted to sacrifice the time for me. To them, though, I knew it was second nature.

Some people made it easy, loving me.

I shook away the thoughts because the attendant was handing me my ticket. She reiterated boarding time, twenty minutes from now, and wished me a safe flight. “Thank you,” I nodded before turning back to Max.

The tall blonde was watching me. I could tell he was on the verge of tears from just the way that his shoulders shrugged forward. It made my heart swell, knowing how much of an impact I had had on them.

He tried to straighten up as I looked him in the eye. Then, he opened his mouth to say something. I threw myself into his arms before he could. Hugging me tight, Max brushed a hand down the back of my head.

“Oh, sweet, lovely angel. I am going to miss you so.”

I didn’t need to hear anything else to start crying into his chest. Max felt the rock of my shoulders and sniffled into my hairline. “Don’t start, love. I won’t be able to stop, myself,” he chuckled shortly.

We stood like that for a few minutes, maybe more, before I stepped back. I rubbed my eyes on the inside of my sweatshirt, knowing my face was flushed and probably swelling. Max touched his fingers to my wrists and gently brushed aside my hands. He took in my visage, so delicately, and sighed. “Can I just say…”

“Oh, no!” I exclaimed through a sob. More tears fell.

Max rubbed my shoulders, “No, no, no, love. It’s okay. No more tears, okay? We’ll be okay. Just…I just want- I need to tell you how important you are. I know you’re going to go home and things are going to start to settle and you’re going to start to think so many things about yourself. You are so easy to love, Daisy. It is like breathing to me, to Ronnie, to Sam, Sasha. It is breathing. And you are worthy of it, too. That’s all. I just…I just needed to tell you, okay?”

I didn’t say anything else. I just whimpered and pulled him in closer to me.

Sam was the worst.

Since the evening before, when I had broken down in his arms and told him, through my blubbering, a short synopsis of what had happened, we hadn’t spoken much. I didn’t know if it was simply because we didn't have enough time. But, I was feeling worse because of it.

I needed my big brother more than anybody else. Sam knew me better than anybody else, even if we hadn’t been around each other as often as we used to. He still understood me. We shared the same blood, for God’s sake.

Yet, as we sat there, in the waiting area of my plane’s gate, he didn’t even look at me. He stared down at the floor, hands folded in his lap. He sat across from Ronnie, Max, and I, making it known that he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. When he first sat there, the aisle a wide gap between us, I furrowed my brows. But, then, Ronnie and Max striked up some topic that I invested myself and my attention into.

It didn’t seem like that big of a deal until they called for me. I stood up, faster than I should’ve, to be honest, and began to gather my things. Phone, bag, jacket, passport. I ran the list over in my head, three times over.

All the while, Sam slowly stood, stuffed his hands in his pockets, and watched his feet as he scuffed his sneakers across the carpeted floor.

I passed my eyes over him for a moment, holding my breath. Surely, my brother would have something to say to me.

He didn’t make a move.

I began walking the short distance to my gate. Before I moved to get in line, though, I turned back to my friends. Max jumped for a hug first, barely allowing me enough time to fully settle back on my heels. I dug my feet into the ground to gain traction as his ginormous body came toppling into my arms. Ronnie joined in the hug yet struggled to toss her arms over Max’s tall frame. He adjusted as we all shared a laugh and tucked her in beside me.

He called over his shoulder, voice muffled, “Get in here, Sam-Ham!”

I heard my brother elicit a laugh. It felt refreshing to hear. Then, I felt the hug grow tighter as he joined in on Max’s other side. We didn’t stay like that for long. It was stuffy and I wasn’t getting much air.

So, I tapped Max’s back and said, “Alright. Let me go.”

I gave individual hugs to everybody, voicing my own grateful, somewhat short, goodbyes.

Then, I turned to my brother. He evaded my eye contact for a moment or two. Then he pulled me in. Tight.

Out of nowhere, “I’m sorry if he ruined your summer.”

Tensing up from the words, the mention of him, I slowly pulled back from Sam’s embrace. He held onto my back, sort of cradling me. The guilt lying in his eyes was far worse than anything I’d ever seen flash across his face. My own gaze softened from the taut expression it had anxiously contorted to.

“What?” I breathily inquired, unsure if I had heard him correctly, saddened that he was obviously carrying so much hurt from my stupid mistakes. “Why? Sam, it wasn’t your fault.”

“I know, Daz, I just…” Sam’s arms fell from around me. I missed the warmth as soon as the chill of the vast room settled in around my sweatshirt. He ran a veiny hand across his forehead, “I'm supposed to be there for you. Protect you. And I already suck at the first part.”

“Sam,” I grasped his wrist, slipping his fingers between my hands. “It’s not your fault. It’s…honestly, if my summer was ruined, it was because of my own shitty decisions. Besides, you don’t suck at being there for me. I can’t believe you would even think that!”

I clasped his hand tight between mine, brows furrowed. To hear him blame himself, to hear him look this way…This whole summer, I had spent my time obsessing over somebody who didn’t even want me. I should have paid more attention to my brother, who was part of the reason I was here in the first place.

The farther I got from the start of this journey, literally and figuratively, the blurrier my original dreams became. There was no meaning to find here- only what was already there.

The thought made me lick my lips in nervous realisation.

Sam let out a frustrated, breathy chortle. “Don’t give me so much credit. I’ve been…gone. Running away from home. For so long. Worried about getting out of that apartment and town and away from…from anything that could remind me of her. Remind me of mom. I left you behind in the process.”

The wetness in my eyes began to pour over. “Oh, Sam,” my lips trembled out as I dove back into his arms. I dug my fingers into his shoulders, holding onto him as though an airplane would dive down and pull him away. I needed this. This kind of hug. This moment.

Clarity was nearer than ever before.

“Listen,” I pulled back, “I need you to understand, okay? My summer was not ruined. It wasn’t. This entire experience has been the most amazing, wonderful, awesome, cool time. I got to spend so much time getting to see you, getting to see your world. And, don’t ever blame yourself for getting away. You had to. I see it now- You had to come be a part of this wonderful band, go with them on all of their amazing tours. I see it on your face, Sam. This is what you’re supposed to do, okay? My mistakes are my own. Not yours.”

“I just…” Sam stared at the floor for a moment, tongue quick to go and defend his original claim But he paused and let the information process. “I…I just wish I could punch him in the face or something. What a douche. Dragging you into his mess. I should’ve known, too. The way he treated you- it was so obvious. For that, I am sorry, Daisy. I should’ve said something. Honestly,” he sighed, running a hand through his hair, “I should beat his ass.”

Max and Ronnie, who had been trying to make it appear as though they were not eavesdropping, laughed at the last line. I opened up Sam and I’s moment by taking a step back. I gave them space to join us here. Ronnie clasped Sam’s hand and rested her head on his shoulder, “As funny as that would be, he is still your boss. And your bandmate,” she nodded to Max.

The tall blond rolled his eyes with a scoff, “Don’t worry. I’ll try to keep it civil.”

It was my turn to scold. I punched Max in the shoulder to gain his eye contact, “Don’t try. Just do it. He’s not a bad person. He just…sucks. A little bit.”

Talking about him, living in the truth of the situation, confronting all the dark realizations- it was a heavy weight to bear. I felt my shoulder slinking forward, as though I were Atlas with the dark, cloudy sky above me. Though I didn’t want to be rid of these three, I needed to be gone already. I needed to go before it all came crashing down again. I didn’t want anybody else to see me cry again. It was…embarrassing, to say the least.

So, I allowed one last hug from each of them and then turned towards my gate. I boarded the plane, mindlessly, going through all of the motions. Like I was used to leaving, like I was good at it. Like I was strong. But, I felt weak. I felt heavy and sad and angry and…

The city was gray. I remember it being sunny, summer-weather, though there had been a chill in the air. He always said it was. Maybe it always had been and I was…crazy. Wide-eyed. Desperate or naive or whatever.

But it was clear as day now, how dreary it looked from this airplane window. The wind whipped at the airline workers, shuffling luggage to their places, green vests billowing up. My breath fogged at the window which narrowed my pointed gaze. It seemed the plane was being pumped full of heat. I hadn’t realized it was that cold outside.

I guess fall was coming.

“Ladies and gentleman, this is your reminder to place your devices on airplane mode. We are approaching take-off,” a thick, European accent declared over the PA system.

I wrestled to retrieve my phone from my bookbag, which was squished in between my feet. When I was able to lift it towards me, the screen lit up. There was a buzz from the device that vibrated my hand then the appearance of a text message.

Oliver: Daisy, I need to tell you…

The message cut itself off, only the sneakpeek visible due to the system settings I had on my device.

It was ominous, though, like it had chosen to cut itself off there.

The tail end of that message could be- anything.

Daisy, I need to tell you…you’re a dumb bitch?

…I fucking hate you.

I love you?

Please, stay?

I don’t think I wanted to know.

My thumb hesitated over the screen, barely gracing it’s smooth glass. If I tapped on the message, if I saw what he said…would it change things?

Would it make me hate him even more?

Would it make me want to stay?

I didn’t want anything else to make my decisions anymore. I wanted to make my own choices, based on my own actions, thoughts. I was tired of living up to everybody’s image of me. If that was all I learned this summer, to be true to what I wanted, to be true to myself…then maybe this summer wasn’t so bad after all.

Maybe there had been something to find- maybe that something was me.

The shaking in my hands must’ve made the screen react to a ghost of my fingerprint. The option to scan my face ID came as soon as a flight attendant passed by my section, a bright smile on their face.

“Hi, friend! Did you put your device on airplane mode?” They asked with a slight gesture towards my phone.

I glanced back at the screen as she pointed. The message was open. That’s where it had ended, what Oliver had sent to me. “I need to tell you something.” But, he was still typing, still coming up with words to say.

My hands moved quickly, sliding down the menu and thumbing the airplane option. If he were still typing, I couldn’t see it anymore.

And any messages he may try to send would go green, undelivered, lost.

Forgotten, in the skies, somewhere between London and Germany, during the beginning of a cold, cold autumn.

[cherikyaoii]

okay more yammering bc why not i really want to discuss xmen 97 cherik because HOLLYYY SHITTT like so much happened ??? first off LITERALLY SECOND EPISODE HE GOES "I would always sense Charles in my mind. I was in his thoughts and he was in mine. Not invading, more a presence." LITERALLY FUCKING DYING WHAT WHAT WHAT ?? SO THEY ARE JUST CONSTANTLY IN EACHOTHERS MINDS AT ALL TIMES??? okay hahah imsooo nromal about that. and then he goes onto talk about how he thought he needed the helmet to protect himself from that and then rogue says the whole thing about how he was worried if he knew how much charles loved him (REAL THING ROGUE SAID SHE SAID LOVE) that he wouldnt be able to carry out all the things he did. so like ok. OK. and then in remember it Erik talks about them in the bar and says "he did that smile...that annoying secret smile of his" ok. like why did he say that fuckign gay ass freak AND IN THE LAST EPISODE WHEN WE SEE THAT MEMORY LIKEUGHTGHG WHY ARE THEY LIKE THIS not to forget Charles about to erase his memories and being like there's this guy back on earth I don't want to forget about... like OH MY GODDDD im so sick of them and then he finds out that the xmen are in trouble and ditches his space girlfriend for the xmen and his ex husband. OKAY MOVING BACK TO THE LAST EPISODE this episode and remember it haunt me like those were my 9/11's like i cant believe we got Charles saying some of the gayest shit ive ever heard what even was that. and the fact that all took place in the bar like UAGHGHHGH i hate them so much but whats so funny to me is that they had to make Charles say brother this is NOT xmen first class

[wander-wren]

sometimes i wonder about what fandom is going to look like in 5 or 10 years. i think we might have already started to see a shift.

because, look, most of the oldest, biggest fandoms are from tv shows and movies, in particular ones that go on for years and scores of episodes. star trek, star wars, stargate (is everything star?), doctor who, supernatural…even sherlock really got its biggest popularity boosts in the modern day from tv adaptations. marvel and dc were comics first, too, but movies made them more accessible; their “cinematic universe” tags are the biggest on ao3 by far.

but what tv shows are we getting now? short, 8-episode things that get canceled two or three seasons in, that are usually less-than-faithful adaptations of other media anyway.

what movies are we getting? well, marvel turns more to slop every day, and everything else is remakes and sequels no one asked for. the general populace will still go see them and find some good movies that they like, but there’s not much really for fandom to grasp onto.

the best shows for fandom that we’ve had recently, that i can think of, are stranger things, game of thrones, and maybe our flag means death. stranger things is dying off, especially since they’re looking at a 3-4 YEAR gap between s4 and s5. game of thrones’s popularity plummeted after its final season, we all know that. our flag means death is still chugging fairly okay, but after that second season a lot of the fandom dropped it, and with it now being cancelled, i don’t see it sticking around.

yes, we can chalk part of this up to a new generation to of fans having this growing idea that fandom is super temporary, to be abandoned as soon as its not on trend. but media used to be on trend for a whole lot longer than it is now. seasons were longer, we had filler episodes, things were lower quality sometimes but at least they came out on a consistent schedule. i don’t mind if supernatural isn’t an artistic masterpiece, but if i was a stranger things fan waiting until 2026 for the final season, i would be annoyed if it wasn’t damn near perfect. that’s assuming i watched it at all—we’re all so used to not getting endings and moving on, so why would i bother?

i think there are two types of shows doing sort of okay about this. one is procedurals—9-1-1 is a popular one i’ve run into, and it started in 2018, around the beginning of the decline, but it’s managed 7 seasons in those six years, most of them with 18 episodes. the other is, honestly, anime—though we can and SHOULD talk about the terrible working conditions that make the fast turnarounds there possible. look at how big some anime fandoms are.

judging by the relative fandom popularity of other procedural dramas (grey’s anatomy, law & order, criminal minds), i think that’s going to remain sort of niche. fandom likes fantasy and scifi best, and they just don’t tend to have as strong of an overarching arc to dig into. at least, that’s why i wouldn’t watch them. i think there’s also a good chance these will start to die out in the coming years as well.

anime could also die out a little bit. better working conditions would necessitate less/slower content, and it’s true that most of the popular anime fandoms have been around for years, even decades.

so, what, no new, lasting tv show or movie fandoms anymore?

what will the biggest fandoms be in 5-10 years?

podcast fandoms have a shot. the magnus archives is still going strong, and i’ve been seeing a lot about dungeons and daddies. i think we’re kind of almost past the golden age for podcasts, but i am an outsider, so maybe that will change.

book fandoms seem like a kind of obvious choice, but they just don’t get as big without, you guessed it, a movie or show adaptation. and the downsizing has hit them, too—can you think of anything from the last 5 or 10 years that rivals harry potter, percy jackson, warriors, lord of the rings, hunger games, acotar…even game of thrones (asoiaf) again? i can’t. the collapse of the publishing industry is another post entirely.

2020 is really what cemented these changes, though they were starting in the late 2010s, at least. with actual industries shutting down, there was room for indie creators making things alone in their houses to pop up, and people had more time on their hands to try new things out and get into them.

the two things that have really been on the rise since 2020 is rpf and video game fic—often both combined. we’ve got genshin impact, call of duty, minecraft of course being huge, rpf of various youtubers, and k-pop rpf. now, i think rpf is contentious enough that it won’t really become the main fandom, but video game fic…might be it.

even video blogging rpf can often be a blurred enough line that people are more comfortable with it. and the thing is…youtube creators are actually more reliable than mainstream television these days. they need to be, to maintain their platforms. they need to not cancel series and to live up to their own hype as best they can and to not abandon the channel for 3 or 4 years at a time. and again, you can talk about burnout and unrealistic expectations and all of those things, but it’s still true.

maybe i’m completely wrong. maybe in 10 years the film and publishing industries will all sort themselves out and we’ll go back to the status quo. but i think this position fandom is finding itself in is interesting, and i wouldn’t necessarily be surprised if what’s most popular (both in the specific source material sense and the medium/genre sense) is different some time down the road.

[burrowbaddie]

Heyy if you’re taking requests between chapters could you do something with the reader being famous or something but still quite shy and meeting the guys or them bugging joe when they find out that he’s dating her?

"Whose got you smiling into your phone like that, Burrow?" Ja'Marr asked, shoving his teammate.

"No one." Joe quickly puts his phone away as Zac starts talking about the upcoming season. His phone vibrates in his pocket, and Joe can't contain his excitement. He knows you are finally responding. Sure, you're in Tokyo shooting for your latest movie, and he understands how busy your schedule can get, but he would be lying if he said it didn't get to him. So, you being able to double-text him right now has him ready to jump out of his chair and call you. As soon as the meeting ends, Joe goes to the bathroom to facetime you.

"Hey, handsome." You pick up still in full make-up and costume.

"Wow, you look amazing. What are you?"

"I would be spoiling the movie, and that would be against my contract."

"Right, I'm sorry."

"I'm just kidding, Burr. I'm a prostitute in the early 2000s. I'm shooting season two of Tokyo Vice."

"I love that show! I didn't know you were going to be in season two."

"It's a secret."

"I umm miss-

"Sorry, They're calling me back to set! I'll call you when I get some downtime." You hang up before Joe can tell you good night.

"Who were you on the phone with?" Your manager smiles at you. You bit your lip and shook your head.

"Let's get back to set!" You reply, getting up from your chair. After another 6 hours, you wrap up for the day. You want to call Joe, but it's pretty later over there. But you end up calling anyway.

"What's up, baby?" Joe answers on the third ring. You lay back on your bed, smiling.

"I just finished filming, so I wanted to call you. I didn't think you would be available."

"Oh yeah, I couldn't sleep."

"So, I get back to the states in a few days. If you're free-"

"Yes. I mean, yeah. We should meet up." Joe cuts you off before you can finish, which makes you laugh. You end up falling asleep on the phone with him, exhausted after long hours of shooting even though it was only 1 pm.

And when you get back to the states, you meet Joe in LA discreetly. Joe looks at the dinner you prepared and nods his head, impressed by your cooking skills.

"Looks great." He pulls you into his arms and kisses your head.

"You better enjoy it. I hate cooking, but it's the one thing I'm glad my mom taught me." You look up at him smiling.

"Speaking of mom. My mother is dying to meet, and I quote the girl who has my son smiling like a maniac."

"Oh, so I am on downtime now. I can come to your first home game of the season. I guess I will meet her there."

"Are you sure that's okay?"

"Yeah. It will be fine." You tell him. But when the day comes, you're so nervous you can barely keep focused on simple tasks.

"A football game? You hate football." Your brother says, laughing. You look at yourself in the mirror, making sure Joe's jersey looks okay.

"I'm dating the quarterback." You finally confess. He laughs and shakes his head.

"Of the Ravens?"

"Nope. Bengals."

"No fucking way. You're not dating Joe Burrow."

"I am, and I'm supposed to tailgate with his family today, and I'm super nervous. Do I look okay" You pick up your phone, and your brother takes his Facetime off of pause to look at you?

"Holy shit. You are dating him. I'm surprised it hasn't come out on TMZ."

"Well, we barely had time to see each other, so-"

"Wait, how long have you been dating."

"9 months now."

"Why are you just now telling me?"

"It wasn't serious. Idk I didn't think we would be together this long. I thought, hey, this is a good fuck; don't ruin a good thing, but then we just clicked, and yeah."

"This is insane. You know, by wearing his jersey, rumors will start, right?"

"I should change." You say, tossing the jersey off.

Joe stares at his phone, waiting for you to say you're here.

"There you go on the phone again. Whoever she is, has you whipped." Ja'Marr says, making the other guys laugh. Joe ignores them and sneaks away to meet you. He pulls you into a hug and kisses your lips softly.

"So, I was wearing your jersey, but I didn't want to draw attention." You ramble. Joe laughs and looks at you wearing his hoodie.

"My parents are this way. I'm sorry I obviously can't join the tailgate but I think you'll be okay. I hope." Joe whispers the last part to himself. Joe opens the door and his mother's eyes light up.

"You did not tell us you were dating oscar winning actress-"

"Don't make this weird," Joe says, cutting off his sister-in-law, who is almost in tears.

"Yeah, so this is my girlfriend." Joe goes around introducing you to everyone. When Joe has to leave your side, you almost start to panic. But his mother grabs your hand, giving you a warm smile.

"Joe has just been glowing these last few months. I'm glad I finally get to meet the reason why." She whispers. You sit with the family and enjoy the festive of tailgating. A few people take photos of you or ask for your autograph, which you are happy to give. When it's game time, you decide to put Joe's jersey back on and become the supporting girlfriend. The truth is you know nothing about football. During warm-ups, Joe continues to look over at you. At one point, you blow a kiss at him, and he drops the ball. You start laughing. During the game, Joe is focused on winning. You cheer him and the team on. They win, and you wait with his family after the game. The Burrows have a celebration at their house after the game. You prepare yourself to meet his teammates. When Joe introduces you as his girlfriend, the guys' jaw drops.

"Did not see this coming? How did you meet?" Sam asks. Joe hands you a beer, and you take a sip letting Joe tell the story.

"We met at her cousin's wedding in December."

"Joe had game to pull you like that?" Ja'Marrs asks. You giggled.

"Those TikToks helped." You reply. Joe wraps his arm around you. The guys ask many questions you mostly let Joe answer because you feel timid, but with Joe's arm around you protectively, it melts away. At the end of the night, Joe takes you away to make out with you, away from peeping eyes. You sit on the bathroom counter, moaning into his mouth while his tongue works around yours.

"Can you stay at my place, or do you need to go back to LA?"

"I can stay with you. I'm on a little break." You whisper. He smiles, kissing down your neck. You hiss as he sucks a bruise onto your neck.

"Joe. Let's get home first." You giggle. Joe groans as you palm him through his jeans.

"I love you," Joe whispers. You freeze up and don't reply.

"Joseph! Your mother is looking for you." His father's voice breaks the awkward silence. Joe pulls away and doesn't look at you before leaving the bathroom. You lean against the mirror, cursing yourself.

A/N: I started getting carried away when I saw this ask! The idea was just too good too! I hope this was okay and you like it!

[realchemistry]

"Masks" - A few things about tonight's episode and what's ahead

~9-1-1 spoilers ahead~

Let me get this out of the way first: Eddie sucking on that ring pop... I never understood the "don't ask me the color of anything" and "babygirl" concepts more than I did then. Also: both Buck and Eddie having the same Christmas picture of them with Chris and abuela? I'm fine. The ending montage with Eddie being alone looking at his pic from Halloween with Chris... no, I'm really, I'm okay.

The BuckandEddie of it all:

It's interesting that they kept pairing Eddie up with other members of the team during calls but Eddie was all over Buck still. Like... they are partners, and they continue to be like at the pumpkin call (LUBE? PLEASE, I AM BEGGING), but Eddie was with Buck at the hospital (both for Buck and Denny) and at Buck's loft and at the station too.

Buck and Eddie are always entangled in each other's business but this season's been like a whole other level. The framing, the dialogue, everything about them is pointed as fuck and it's no coincidence (the lube, I can't get over it!!!), of that I'm sure.

This episode, which had a lot of Buck and T, had a ton of Eddie in between them which allowed us to see their dynamic and it was a sight. We had Eddie in the hospital room, by Buck's bedside, asking the doctor questions, while T was on the other side of the door, observing. Eddie was there to tend to Buck's boils and reassure him it'd be fine and even bet and shake on it to try and keep Buck from spiraling while T was just... there. Eddie was apparently distracted on his phone, sucking on a freaking ring lollipop (looking at Buck like that!!!!!) but he was actually well in tune with Buck and what he was doing and Buck protested his boyfriend's claims that he had been picking on his boils but he didn't argue with Eddie about it at all.

So yeah, Buck has a boyfriend that could fit right in, being a firefighter and getting more into the 118's business and sharing time with Buck and his BFF in the whole wide world. This episode showed in part how T didn't fit exactly right (why were they not sleeping on the bed, I'm so confused...), how Buck realized that and sent him a message that he wanted him to. And I think they will make it past the next episode, actually, because I have a feeling that if tptb are going where we all think/want them to go with Eddie, they might want to establish that on its own.

And they would also want to do what Oliver said and take it slow on the Buddie front, and I know it's been slow enough, but Oliver and Ryan have alluded to wanting the story to develop naturally and to not have them be bi/gay and into each other because of the message that could send. I have a feeling that means reaching Buddie after both have time to go through self-realizations away from each other and having Buck be in a relationship actually serves that scenario better. At least for a little while, then they can let the pining begin.

Some other things:

The thing about this show that I both adore and dislike is that I know every main is gonna be okay (there was only ever one exception to this) and they're not going to kill one of their children either. So I simply couldn't get into the mindset of feeling sad over Denny dying because I knew he wasn't going to.

I love that we got more HenRen and I wish next time Karen and Eddie share a scene, it'll be a less tragic one. I love Denny so much, the actor is so good and such a cutie, I'm glad he got to shine. It's also funny that once you get old enough in the show, you're fair game to be in harm's way. Rite of passage.

Chim was so scary and cute and great as well. I just think Kenny's so good at everything and the show sometimes failed to properly take advantage of his skills so I'm glad they're finally getting to showcase his range fully and all at once.

Peter was also having the time of his life being a carefree version of Bobby, and I'm here for it.

Josh's whole costume being Eddie's mustache. Plus Buck also having one. Ryan, the man that you are.

Maddie, once again, going for the kitty ears.

The teacher... I know her pain.

About the next episode ~more spoilers~:

They really are having an "Eddie Begins" type of emergency on an episode called "Confessions" which will focus on Eddie. I'm sure it's gonna be just fine. I'm sure nothing major will happen with my favorite character in the world, Eddie Díaz. I'm sure.

[cressthebest]

Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 12

chapter 22:

1. 😟😟 all james wants is for sirius to be there for james the way james ALWAYS was for sirius

2. 😟 james wished hodge happy birthday even though hodge died yesterday. i- i am not okay

3. “Regulus never fails to look up. Evan would be proud of him for that, he thinks.” 😧 that was vile to put in there

4. james has resorted to BEGGING for medicine from sirius and can’t understand why sirius won’t send any. this hurts so bad

5. nope. i’m done. i can’t read any more. james started looking forward to death cause he would be out of this arena and out of pain. jfc i’m done

6. anyways. i’m back cause i couldn’t stop reading.

7. REGULUS AND JAMES ARE REUNITED!!! THANK GOD!!! 😊

8. 😧 wait nevermind. james just mistook regulus for sirius. “James has never, not once in his life under any circumstances, mistaken Regulus for Sirius”

9. james is delulu from medicine and reg just found out that the plan has always been to get reg home. this hits like a motherfucking truck

10. james is high as a fucking kite, can’t figure out why “sirius” is being mean to him, cause he’s never been mean to him. and is also wondering why “sirius” is oddly attractive for being mean

11. it takes james half a chapter, and reg cutting his shirt for james to realize it’s not sirius. cause sirius has different scars. i love james sm 😭😭

12. “What was Sirius thinking? Drugging James? In the middle of the fucking hunger games? That might be the most idiotic thing Regulus has ever known his brother to do, and this is Sirius he's talking about, so that's saying a lot. Sirius once flipped a cigarette in the air and tried to catch it with his mouth while it was lit, and kept doing it until he could actually consistently manage it, no matter how much it burned him. Though, in fairness, he can still do that trick to this day.”

LMAO WHAT??? that’s so random and i love it

13. 😧 legit sobbing. reg says that james lost the spark in his eyes. and he’s the one person he expected to never lose his spark

14. reg reveals that they both can go home. james’ spark is back. i’m sobbing harder now. they’re so in love

15. i eat, breathe, and dream those author end notes. bizzarestars writes their end notes the way my brain processes the fic. <33

chapter 23:

1. starting the chapter off with pain, i see. losing vanity changed james. like. horribly changed him.

2. “What Regulus hates more than James is his suffering.” jfc he’s so emotionally constipated

3. james is sad and all reg can think is hmmmm i want him to start flirting with me again, because it meant he was happy bitch wtf

4. awww they’re cuddling and just got a package! my babies are gonna make it out!

5. reg realizes he has to put on a show, so he offers to feed james. and wants to gouge his eyeballs out for offering that. 😭😭😭😭

6. i’m dying from embarrassment but this is also so fucking funny. reg is like. let’s talk about our feelings. for each other. and james is just like *head tilt* ???

7. “"You weren't my first crush, James," Regulus whispers. "You were my first love."”

james didn’t just make reg feel good, he made reg feel and i am NOT okay.

8. “This whole time, Regulus has been steady on the fact that he wouldn't kiss James to save his own life, but he's apparently willing to do it to save James'.”

JFC why is he so emotionally constipated???

9. THEY KISS????? james is gonna be heartbroken when he realizes it was all an act

10. oh thank god james realized. at least it broke his heart now and not in two weeks

11. *squints* now reg has never wanted anything more than this kiss. girl. please. realize.

12. god, i’ve never read a kiss more beautifully and emotionally desperate written.

13. 😏 reg called him baby again!

14. oh god, maybe i’m just as bad as everyone in the hallow. maybe i’m just as bad as them. cause i enjoy their romance. i enjoy it so much. maybe i’m just as bad as the hallow for that. i- i think this every time i read the hunger games.

15. “James wants to sink his teeth into Regulus and leave the deep imprints of his teeth from one jutting hip bone to the other.” sometimes i forget that jegulus is a little unhinged in ways like this. and every time i’m reminded, I LOVE IT

16. “"You treat me like I'm stupid for daring to see good in people, but if there's no good in anyone, then what's the fucking point?"”

this entire section. this. this is what james is all about

17. 😟 authors note just told me i’m no better than a hallow. for my excitement over jegulus. and- yeah. i guess so. i’m so sorry y’all

[cleofast300]

is it okay If i talk a bit about c!stagedduo on the dsmp final?

I watched this after seeing a clip from Essaintl's thread on twt. And It gave me the idea of also sharing some moments I found funny/cool of cstaggeduo in this stream. Bc I love them and I just like to share clips now I learned how to clip on youtube (the firsts are a bit out of order):

(1)

Dream talking about him and Punz beating Tommy on L'manberg idk but I found that so funny. "After we kicked your ass?" okay??

(2)

Tommy vs Punz the 324th duel bewteen blonds guys on the server

(3)

Sassy Dream my beloved and sad we never got to see Blondetrio working together but im sure they'd drive each other mad if they did or at least Tommy would.

(4)

I noticed this thanks to Essaintl. Dream turns to look at Punz two times while he says he'd sacrifice everything he loves so they can know more. I personally like to interpret it as Dream including Punz in that everything he loves. They have so many problems and just match each other's.

(5)

Im sorry Tommy but Punz killed it here XDD I mean...he's not wrong there's a reason Clingy are recurring to the nuke lol but god he was so funny for that.

(6)

I just love how defensive of their methods Punz's is like, at this point he just gets in the conversation to add to cDream's defense of their plan and lets him have the spotlight XD.

(7)

Dream turning to Punz again while afirming he will have forever to think about how much dying hurts. Idk I find it cute, there's a confidence that Punz will be on his side for that forever.

(8)

"I'm happy now" "I'd say Dream's always pretty happy" Guys that's the funniest shit ever said in this stream hahasgahsagsahsasgd yeah yeah he's so happy I believe you guys I believe you. Dream's happiness just goes to another school.

(9)

The iconic "Im his friend". I find interesting how Dream looks at Punz for a second in silence (tho for a second if im not hearing bad for one second he seems about to say "pun-" before Punz interrumpts him) in a almost coy manner after he says this, and then avoids looking at him in that same manner while asks Tommy "why are you trying to...ruin everything all the time?".

(10)

I just find this moment and Tommy telling the characther that didnt have a pov for most of a series and has be seen as just a monster for two years to let him look at him as peak minecraft roleplay moment.

(11)

I know it's supposed to be serious but I find this moment hilarious in a bittersweet way. They finally where getting somewhere with talking and then two literal seconds later they are about to die lol. I really loved the detail of Tommy turning to look at both Punz and Dream with a conflicted face and definetly grief knowing what's coming. I liked the detail he looks at both sad knowing all of them are gonna die.

(12)

Tommy trying to tell them both that's too late hits so hard I love it.

And that were all the clips but as a bonus I found this clip on Essaintl's thread where Dream tells cpunz about his objective of the server being one big family and Punz agreeing with him :D

And Idk seeing this It reminded me how messy and caothic these two are together and that's cute. Seeing Punz be supportive of the plan and Dream even when he's digging deeper on self destruction it's kinda sweet. Like both are good for each other in the worst way.

[hugsandchaos]

Since the last episode reminded me of my Earthbound AU and has reignited the fire, I’m going to talk about it some!

First, I want to talk about Uzi, or Z, in this AU! I don’t think I have yet.

For those of you who don’t know, Uzi is a murder drone in this AU, and her name is Serial Designation Z. “Uzi” was a nickname given to her by Alice during the second main part of the story. She has the same body design as J and V in canon, but she has big, diagonal yellow and black stripes on her legs that kind of look like she’s wearing big, comfy socks. She also has some black paint going halfway down her thighs, with black and yellow warning stripes at the end, like a pair of shorts.

She wears the same jacket and beanie as canon Uzi, but those things came only after she crashed on Copper 9. Before that, her jacket had the same black and yellow colors as N’s. Her main hair color is also white, but it was dyed purple after Lizzy learned purple was actually her favorite color and asked if she would dye her hair.

At first, she really didn’t trust anyone or want to be friends with them, so she flew off the first chance she got. Later on, Nori would find her and eventually convince her into giving life with them in the bunker a chance, with the promise that Z would be allowed to go outside as the harsh weather plaguing Copper 9 was surprisingly hospitable for her.

Incase you’re wondering, Nori is alive and okay, and she and Khan had been trying for a kid for a while. When Z came along in all her feral, rebellious monster-ness, Nori was like “New daughter? 👀” and Khan ended up agreeing and giving in to his wife wanting to adopt a pretty literal murder machine. Z was… not exactly excited about it.

Doll and Lizzy managed to get close to her after a while, and Thad also helped Z come out of her shell a bit more.

As for Z’s room, it’s kept pretty chilly at all times. There’s frost on her door pretty often. This is thanks to her very high temperature because of how hot her core runs almost constantly, and her jacket and beanie both have miniature fans built into them. Her bed is mostly a big, circular mattress with a few blankets and pillows, almost like a nest. She prefers sleeping upside down, but this is an “acceptable” substitute.

I want to note that there’s a moment in the story where Z’s hugging both her adopted parents and crying or close to crying because she knows she was being a bit of a jerk to them in the beginning even though they were so nice and welcoming, and now she really doesn’t want to loose them like she lost her squadron.

Also, Z used to get “squadron” and “family” mixed up because she really cared about her squadron, but had only known it by that word. She understood “squadron” as “people you work with and can depend on to beat up anyone who gives you shit”, but she loved N romantically, so the word “family” was a bit confusing at first and she needed it to be explained more.

Another thing I want to mention is that Z and N are used to seeing each other without clothing since they often get a little too warm to handle the clothing and just take it off, and they don’t really have anything to hide.

I’m saying this because after she and N reunited, there was a moment where they were both hanging out in her room without clothing on, just talking about their experiences while they were separated, and Lizzy just entered without knocking to ask Z something. She froze when she saw them both naked and on the large nest-like bed Z has in her room, then apologized and promptly left. Both murder drones had no idea why she acted like that until much later.

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Okay but the kiss prompts have me imagining a combo where one person is “maybe in another life” because they can’t hold back any longer but they don’t expect it to be reciprocal, and the other person is like “just fuck me already.”

I can definitely see it with Nathan!

Kiss Prompts!

Yooou got it!

It's not a decision that you've come to lightly. You love BlueBook—it was your first job just out of college, and has been an informative and rewarding workplace. You've gained a lot of experience; you've grown as a person; you've harbored a near-debilitating crush on your boss.

You're pretty sure you've hidden it well from Nathan. He's incredibly smart, very insightful, but he's never given you a second look—or even an inkling that he's known how you feel. You're certain that if he knew, he'd be a damnable tease about it.

Nathan just doesn't have it in himself to not be mean.

Take your resignation, for example. When you'd told him that you'd be leaving BlueBook, he'd grimaced for a half-second before brightening and smiling, teasing, "About fucking time—I've been dying to get rid of you. Whose processes are you going to slow down? Should've told me you were looking for a new place. I might've recommended who I wanted you to fuck over for me first."

You hadn't taken it personally. At least, you'd tried not to. You were certain he was just fucking with you.

Your suspicions are confirmed when you come into work on your last day to find a large floral arrangement sitting on your desk. You don't have time to ask who they're from before you hear the pop of a champagne bottle. You whirl around, spotting Nathan sitting on the couch in the far corner of your office.

"Nathan!" You practically screech. "It's nine in the morning!"

"It's 9:06," He corrects as he leans toward the coffee table where two champagne flutes are waiting. "Last day and you're fucking late."

"What are you gonna do, fire me?"

"Alright, smartass," Nathan chuckles. You shrug your bag off, taking a moment to admire the floral arrangement before you walk over to Nathan.

"Could've dressed more casually," He comments, openly looking over your body. "Been comfortable on your last day."

"I'm comfortable now." You lower yourself onto the couch beside Nathan, taking hold of one of the filled champagne flutes. "Did you just happen to be in town?"

"I'm here because one of my legacy engineers is leaving. Don't get a big head about it."

"Too late. My head's so big they're gonna have to take out a window to get me out of here."

Nathan chuckles, lightly knocking your glass against yours before you each take a sip. You lean back on your couch, nodding toward the flowers.

"You choose those?"

"I do my homework."

"I assume you went through my search history. That's practically cheating."

"You still have that rom-com bullshit idea of what's meaningful."

"I'm not saying they're not meaningful, I appreciate them. But it's not like you had to do any work, tease any information out of me."

"I don't have time to tease anything out of anybody, and I don't need to. That's a privilege of being me."

You snort, raising your glass and taking another swig before you slap his thigh. "Okay. Do whatever you're gonna do; I have shit to wrap up."

"Do it later."

"I'll do it now," You insist, pushing yourself off of the couch. "You're not my boss anymore."

You freeze as his fingers hook in the band of your pants.

"I'm your boss for the next eight hours. Sit down."

You hesitate, a thrill shuddering through you before you settle back down beside him.

"You'll have to turn in my shit if I'm late about it," You warn as Nathan removes his hand. You watch as he picks up the bottle and tops off your glass.

"I'll take care of it."

Your face warms, but you force yourself to roll your eyes.

"You're ridiculous. I hope you know that."

"That how you described me in your job interview?"

"What makes you think I described you?"

"They didn't ask why you're leaving your current position?"

"They did."

"So what'd you tell them?"

"That I felt like I'd reached my peak at this position and had more growing to do that I couldn't do here."

"Is that true?"

You hesitate, looking down into your glass.

"...A little."

"What about it isn't?"

Your mouth works worlessly for a moment before you sigh, shaking your head.

"I've been here a long time, Nathan."

"So have I."

"That's different. This is your baby—and I'm glad to have been in a part of it, but...But I need a change."

Nathan doesn't answer you for a long, testy moment. Then, he lightly clinks his glass against yours. You turn your head, watching him drain the glass before he clears his throat, setting the glass down.

"We're going to dinner tonight."

"Are we?" You laugh. "Since when?"

"Since I said we are. Go do what you need to do."

It's blunt, magnanimous—and impulsive in a way that you've never known Nathan to be.

--

"You turned in your laptop?"

"Yes."

"Work phone?"

"Of course," You scoff, "At 5 pm precisely. You're not getting me for unreturned tech. I'm not getting into a damn NDA breach. I'd be broke in a month if I had to deal with a lawsuit."

"A month? The hell have you been spending that six-figure salary of yours on? Strippers? Coke?"

"Rent and groceries." You look up from your desk, smiling as you find Nathan watching you. "Where are we going for dinner?"

"You tell me," He shrugs.

"I haven't really thought about it. I've been busy."

You plant your hands on your desk, biting your lip as you consider.

"Takeout? My place?" You offer.

"Perfect."

--

You can't stop looking at the flowers on your counter. They distract you every few moments, throughout dinner. You can't believe Nathan even bothered to check after your favorites—that he even bothered to come to see you out on your last day.

The thought warms you as you trail Nathan to the door that night, as you thank him again for all of his encouragement and expertise—

"Cut it out," He scoffs boredly, "You're going to make me cry."

"Oh, fuck off."

"That's more like it."

You shake your head, leaning in the doorway as Nathan stops just outside, turning to look at you.

"...I'd say I'll see you around, but you're so fucking reclusive, I'll probably never see you again." You try not to sound upset about it, even as you curl your arms across your chest.

It doesn't help this his agreement of, "Probably," Chases your comment.

"Well...Bye, then," You offer lamely. Nathan chuckles, stepping in with a murmur of, "Come on."

He doesn't have to do much urging, but you straighten up, leaning into the hug he gives. You curl your arms around his shoulders, smiling and pressing your face into his neck. He holds you closer than you expect, longer than you thought he would. You lean away finally, taking in his gaze.

You may as well take a chance.

Hell, you're never gonna see him again.

You just manage to lean in, to gently peck his lips. You're ready to draw back, to let him go, really let him go—

And then Nathan's hand curls around your nape, drawing you in. Your eyes widen in surprise, unable to help a slight, surprised hum as you return the kiss. Yo think it'll end there, but Nathan chases you with another kiss. His hands land on your hips, steering you back inside, and you squeak as you hear the door shut behind him.

"Nathan," You breathe, "What are you—I didn't think—"

"You usually don't."

"Fuck you—" You gasp as Nathan's hands slip down, smoothing over your suit pants and giving your ass a squeeze as he levels you with a lascivious grin.

"That's the idea."

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Bpp I'm dying to know your song rankings in chapter 2 now they've all debuted. What are your top picks this year? I miss your writing and hope I can coax you back with 'a fun ask'

***

Okay. :)

Since you asked...

Top 10 Non-BTS K-pop Songs in 2023

10 - Watch It - The Boyz (this song just dropped and it's already in my top ten, yes)

9 - Seoul - H1-key

8 - Ay-Yo - NCT 127

7 - Sweet Venom - ENHYPEN

6 - Neverland Farewell - TXT (Say whatever you like about BigHit, they know how to make good music. Soobin sounds incredible on this song. Beomgyu too. Really, they all do.)

5 - Cool With You - NewJeans

NewJeans isn't going anywhere, so everyone else really should get comfortable with the idea of seeing them at the top. That's all there is to say.

*

4 - Crying - BOYNEXTDOOR

I don't know where my head was at when I ranked this the worst song on the album. Clearly, I was wrong. This song was a pleasant companion during the autumn months, and I can't wait to see what else they come out with.

*

3 - Chaconne - ENHYPEN

Do you know what a chaconne is? That's not a rhetorical question btw. No shade either, I'm just curious. For those who don't know, a chaconne is a rhythmical and harmonic motif over a pronounced bass-line. That's my leftover understanding from music classes taken a lifetime ago. According to google, a chaconne is also "a slow, solemn dance in 3/4 time, of Spanish or Moorish origin, similar to the passacaglia." For a non-k-pop example, I recommend Hilary's rendition of Bach's chaconne (more leftover knowledge from a lifetime ago).

Anyway, this likely isn't important context. The use of "chaconne" in the song probably has more to do with how it sounds in the song, than what it means. In any case, Enhypen earned a gold star from me with this pantydropper anthem.

*

2 - Criminal Love - ENHYPEN

I'm not sure how many of you were here when Heartbeat and Dream Glow were released. What I remember was shock, pure incredulity that BigHit would release songs of that quality for game OSTs. From ARMYs and k-pop stans alike, this was the sentiment. It was like a flex that BTS had such a peerless discography they could make songs like this for a side gig.

That's immediately what I was reminded of when I first heard Criminal Love, released as the OST for Enhypen's webtoon. It's moody, vampy, seduction in a song. That's what that song is. Sad too, when you hear the lyrics. Watching the live performance only drives it home.

*

1 - Blind - ENHYPEN

This song has given me one of the best auditory experiences I've ever had in k-pop. Which is a bit odd because yes a lot happens in the production, but the switches are so subtle you almost don't notice it.

Heeseung, Ni-ki, Jay, Sunoo, Sunghoon, Jake, and Jungwon - all outdid themselves on this song. Vocally, they sound incredible. The writing, (again) is top notch. This is one of the only songs released this year that I genuinely struggle not to loop.

*

Top 5 BTS Solo Songs

5 - Yes or No - Jung Kook

This is one song I'm praying and begging that we get thousands of remixes of. HYBE, please work your magic and give us 10 remixes of Yes or No. I need it. This is the perfect pop song in that it makes you crave more. I know it's got a predictable, common almost, chord progression in VI -> V -> I -> IV, but it's perfect in that it's impossible to get sick of it. It just worms itself into your head and all you can think of is all the ways to sing all over those chords.

Jung Kook's vocal work on that song is irreproachable. He's really set himself apart with this album and I'm glad he did it.

*

4 - Snooze - AGUST D, ft. Ryuichi Sakamoto & Woosung

HUH?! should be here, as should Amygdala so consider this a triple entry: HUH + Snooze + Amygdala. The reason why is self-evident (I hope).

Anyway... I want to talk a bit about Snooze.

Yoongi loves using the piano. He likes the sound of it, and you can tell in songs like Snooze. He has such a profound love and respect for that musical instrument that it only makes sense a man like Ryuichi acknowledged Yoongi before he passed.

With everything that happened this year, remembering Moonbin, and knowing that Yoongi made this song for his juniors... the first time I heard this song it completely destroyed me. Anyone who hasn't paid attention to the lyrics yet should check it.

When I casually listen in to TXT, SVT, Enhypen, BoyNextDoor, and see the work they're doing, putting out easily some of the best music and performances in their generations, I hope and pray they develop a support system that genuinely values them, soon. I hope they survive this industry, and thrive in it.

*

3 - All Day - RM ft Tablo

Not to be that person (since he's canceled for reasons and it actually makes sense why), but when I first saw the song title All Day, I immediately remembered All Day by Kanye West - one of the sauciest and meanest songs he's ever made. I was worried, given the tone of the album to that point, that Namjoon was going to give us his take on Ye's original. Joon is more than capable of dropping a track just as mean if not more. I didn't put it past him to pay homage to the Kanye joint by taking a spin on it. But, thankfully, All Day is nothing like Kanye's song, and it's my favourite song on Indigo because it's the best.

Joon's diction on this track is *chef's kiss*. His voice.... that outro, and thank goodness, Tablo came through. He actually has a presence on the track and made it even more worth the listen.

It kills me that we don't even have a visualizer for this masterpiece.

*

2 - Set Me Free Pt 2 - Jimin

Thank you for giving me another chance to talk about Set Me Free Pt 2.

One reason all the anxiety and fear-mongering around Jimin seems insane to me is because Jimin dropped this song and ended k-pop in 2023. He literally has no real competition. He came in, showed out, and left. That song is the sexiest joint out of Korea this year. It's so nasty. He's absolutely disgusting on this song in how brutally he makes rubbish of everything beneath him. Like, he literally has people bowing down to him in the choreography. Bobbing their heads like Funko Pops, while he sings to be set free. I'm going on a bit of a tangent here, but I want to say something. There's a cruelty in the way Jimin speaks. Whether to someone else or to himself. It's often (somewhat) restrained, born of the way he sees the world I think, and it was especially brutal in their early days, but he's toned it down significantly since 2016. It's virtually non-existent in his speech patterns and word choice now. Jimin of the last few years communicates gently, directly, tactfully, and at worst, bluntly. A lot of that cruelty is toned down but he unleashes a whisper of it on SMF Pt 2. Just listen to what he's saying on that song. That autotune effect on his voice was for our benefit and safety. Nothing can convince me otherwise. And we haven't even yet gotten into the full symbolism of the MV and his lyricism...

The moment I heard this song I knew I would bias Jimin. He's a man who knows what he's doing.

Jimin is a one of a kind wonder. Real magic in a person. An artist. He proves it on Set Me Free Pt 2. Kudos to PDogg too - the GOAT.

*

1 - On The Street - j-hope ft J. Cole

When it comes to song construction, I have to give credit where credit is due and the fact is Hoseok outdid himself with this song. It is perfect, my top pick for a k-pop song in 2023. Jermaine did good on it too. But, you know... Hoseok.

The whistle melody he came up with, the beat, the vocal layering, the mixing, the MV direction - all of it is perfect. If we were giving scores based on separate components, OTS would get 10s in every category.

Honestly, Hoseok coming out at number 1 is kind of expected of him lol.

[billiuspendragon]

Mob Psycho 100 playlist

I made a playlist, and I'm gonna post the songs on here and explain why I chose each of them. I'm not including every single song because of the audio limit but I'll explain the ones with the most thought behind them. Inspired by this post !

this is TOTALLY Mob about Tsubomi when they were kids.

Teacher thinks that I sound funny But she likes the way you sing Tonight I'll dream, while I’m in bed When silly thoughts go through my head About the bugs and alphabet And when I wake tomorrow, I'll bet That you and I will walk together again

Especially with the mention of them walking to school together, which is what Mob daydreams about. Altogether his crush on her is very childlike and innocent since he's loved her since they were kids, and I think this song reflects that.

Lyrics: 10 Vibes: 10

This one is why I decided to make a Mob Psycho playlist in the first place. It just brings back all my feelings from getting to the end of the show.

Oh, I'll settle down with some old story About a boy who's just like me Thought there was love in everything and everyone You're so naive! They always reach a sorry ending They always get it in the end Still it was worth it as I turned the pages solemnly and then

With a winning smile, the boy With naivety succeeds At the final moment, I cried I always cry at endings

Sorry that's such a long quote but it's so Mob I can't even. Reigen makes fun of him for being naiive but with his naiveté he succeeds!

I think it also works really well with Emi, since it talks about stories so much. She compares herself to Mob at once point too, which fits the "about a boy who's just like me" line.

Said the hero in the story "It is mightier than swords I could kill you, sure But I could only make you cry with these words

It's so him guys. His power is mightier than swords but it's his simple, honest words that usually win his battles.

Lyrics match: 8 Vibes match: 8

This song reminds me of Mob and Ritsu as kids.

And you know that I'm gonna be the one Who'll be there When you need someone to depend upon When tomorrow comes...

They're just,, always there for each other 🥹 they care about each other so much...

Also gonna share my favourite part:

Every star was shining brightly Just like a million years before And we were feeling very small Underneath the universe

It just gives me such a clear picture of them as small kids okay I just love their relationship so much aaaaa

Lyrics match: 7 Vibes match: 10

This is a brutal one to put right after the previous one, but it reminds me of Mob post-trauma.

There is no pain, you are receding A distant ship, smoke on the horizon You are only coming through in waves Your lips move, but I can't hear what you're saying When I was a child, I had a fever My hands felt just like two balloons Now I've got that feeling once again I can't explain, you would not understand This is not how I am

I have become comfortably numb

Because he starts shutting himself away and numbing himself so his emotions don't get the better of him.

Lyrics match: 6 Vibes match: 8

This also reminds me of Mob and Ritsu, but also post-trauma.

Love, love will tear us apart, again

Mob grows distant out of a fear of hurting Ritsu, and Ritsu becomes slightly afraid of Mob. Love really did tear them apart 😭

Lyrics match: 7 Vibes match: 9

This one represents Mob when he's beginning to lose it.

I look inside myself and see my heart is black

Lyrics match: 7 Vibes match: 6

I wasn't able to include it but I also have "Where is My Mind" by The Pixies for similar reasons.

This one gives me Reigen vibes.

You know "My celibate days are over" You put me straight on the finer points of my speech rehearsed In the mirror of my steamy bathroom Where the lino tells a sorry story in a monologue, in a monologue

I think this song is mostly about the singer himself, but the lyrics are just so specific and evocative that it gives me the mental image of Reigen in that one outro in season one you know.

The chorus reminds me of him too:

Six months on, the winter's gone The disenchanted pony Left the town with the circus boy The circus boy got lonely It's summer and it's sister song's Been written for the lonely The circus boy is feeling melancholy

Lyrics match: 6 Vibes match: 9

THIS IS SO MOB WHEN HE LOSES IT I CAN'T EXPRESS THIS ENOUGH

I'm not the killing type, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not, but I would kill to make you feel! I don't mean kill someone for real! I couldn't do that, it is wrong! but I can say it in a song, a song, and I'm saying it NOW!

Like PLEASE it's so fitting, especially for when he fights Shou's dad.

Also this verse:

I once stepped on a dying bird It was a mercy killing I couldn't sleep for a week I kept feeling its breaking bones

It's. It's so him.

Lyrics match: 10 Vibes match: 8

this whole song just reminds me of Reigen. I'm so annoyed that the little excerpt that Tumblr plays is never The Right Bit but --

...and for once in you're life, you've got nothing to say, and could this be the time, when somebody will come, to say "look at yourself, you're not much use to anyone"?

I just think it fits well as someone who's very confident on the surface but deep down feels a bit pathetic and doesn't know what he's doing.

(that's like my favourite song ever btw, it's so bouncy)

Lyrics match: 9 Vibes match: 8

This one just fits with the lower-stakes parts of the show to me.

Do something pretty while you can, don't be a fool, skating a pirouette on ice is cool

I don't know man, there's just something about it.

Lyrics match: 7 Vibes match: 10

I've skipped some songs out of this because of the audio limit but here's the full playlist if anyone wants to listen to it :D I think I explained all the important ones, the others are probably there for vibes.

Oh yeah and I added "Satellite of Love" onto the end because it reminded me of the aliens lmao... I might take it off though because "We Rule the School" feels like such a good one to finish on and idk where I would put Satellite of Love to get the flow right

[dianaladrislovebot]

random gone headcanons that have popped into my unhinged little brain, part 10

why hello there my friends, we’ve officially reached part ten of the hc’s series ! and almost directly after the 2 year anniversary of the first one too, funny how time works. a bit of a long one for you today as a treat to celebrate the occasion. i also wanted to mention that i love hearing everyone else’s thoughts and idk if yall have noticed but ive included other people’s hcs before so if you have any hcs you’d like to see included pls share them w me !!!!

frederico ran the black market at coates. in my hc (which is very extensive if anyone wants to hear the rest of it 👉🏻👈🏻) he was at coates for being a dealer so i feel him running it makes sense. black market for what ? i don’t know and it doesn’t matter, but freddie runs it.

he’s also the one that came up with the idea to have a black market in the fayz but that one is also attributed to howard, who he co runs it w.

the crux of drakes sadism is less about just simply wanting to cause violence and damage and more about being fascinated w pain and the fear associated w it. he enjoys the idea of pain and enjoys seeing other people (or just any living thing tbh) in pain, and that includes himself. he used to harm himself before the fayz purely bc he liked how it felt. however, he’s only ever felt a certain amount of pain so it’s not until he loses his arm and feels what pain is truly like that he doesn’t like it on himself anymore.

sam’s alcoholism began in the fayz. after the big split and the migration to the lake, orc had stopped drinking and howard, feeling like his purpose was fizzling out, was rescued by sam being bored. the lake being peaceful left him unsatiated and astrid leaving left him unstable, so he took up drinking just to give himself something to do. he accidentally weened himself off it at the end when the barrier went dark, followed by gaia and then the fayz ending, purely bc howard died and he had no access to alcohol anyway. he picked it back up later after the fayz to help him cope.

quinn listens to 80’s music

quinn gets tattoos post fayz. i have no clue what he’d get, but he’d get em. maybe even a piercing or two too

also, a bunch of kids in the fayz gave themselves dodgy stick and pokes, including lana. they get them properly tattooed later to immortalise them but there’s no way there wasn’t at least ONE kid who got a stick and poke in there

lana also went all out in terms of mentally ill and dyed her hair (im thinking maybe red i think she’d suit red) and cut herself bangs. she even considered giving herself a nose piercing but couldn’t find any jewellery to put in it and gave up on the idea.

quinn’s love language is physical touch so he’s incredibly clingy, and sam being his only friend means sam gets all the cuddles he didn’t ask for. quinn’s hanging off his shoulders or his arms or wherever he can reach at any given moment and there is nothing sam can do about it so instead, he must endure it (he’s secretly okay w this)

diana was a winx girly. in those conversations of “were you a barbie girly or a bratz girly” her response would be winx. the series is set in 2008/2009 so she probably would have been 9 or 10 when winx debuted in 2004. she pretends to think it’s childish but continues to watch the show as it comes out long after the fayz.

on this note, her being a winx girly is based off the fact she’s a fairy girly. she had an obsession w fairies as a child and never truly grew out of it. she has a deep affection for fantasy and whimsy and is part of why she romanticises her relationship w caine, and despite her outward attitude being generally off putting, she’s just a magical fairy princess on the inside 🧚‍♀️✨👑

also on this note, drake was a pirate kid and took it incredibly seriously. like was probably a klepto as a kid and had fake swords he took everywhere and threatened people w type of serious. this is based on the one scene of him humming the pirates of the caribbean theme song and also because i think it’s funny

[billykcplan]

okay because i'm feeling bold. thoughts on agatha finale below.

first and foremost, let me be dramatic: enough of the fuck billy bullshit. if you don't like the twist with the road, can we direct that energy at the writers please. you never have this energy for other characters and it speaks volumes.

being on the billy defense squad for 13 years now, i'm not letting y'all clown him for anything.

if you dick ride for agatha killing coven after coven after coven for no real reason or wanda mind controlling a town or killing a bunch of people in multiverse of madness, you realllllly don't have a leg to stand on and you just sound like you hate gay men. go ahead, keep calling him a twink when we all know what you really want to say. it's exhausting.

i am still processing the twist. parts of the groundwork were laid, but it wasn't what i expected at all. the show took a pretty big tonal shift after episodes 6-7 seemed to set up more of a somber tone which was lessened i'd say in episodes 8-9.

let's start off what i didn't love but am still processing:

billy manifesting the road twist was theorized but i kind of tossed it aside and thought the bedroom would be more of the easter egg stuff and less meaningful. or that the road was just adapting to billy who may have been like the key traveler. evidently not. but spontaneous creation? reality manipulation? demiurge???? like it's in his wheelhouse and it's not that surprising. i think i'm moreso frustrated by the other witches not knowing what was happening and by agatha's confusing actions if the road wasn't real. like why did she tell lilia the secret about blasting her? why'd she recruit a bound witch? if that was the goal for her? those are some tricky plotholes. but i still think jac schaeffer is a phenomenal showrunner.

i thought we would see agathario from the start - not just after nicky was born. they needed more context to their relationship because without it, they are solely reliant on kathryn and aubrey (who do a phenoemenal job!) but they need story to back them up. i'd love to know how they met, how they got together. if they broke up pre-nicky and why. and why did agatha get the darkhold? i thought it'd have been interesting if agatha was using nicky to drain covens to extend his life or if she had gotten the darkhold to try to resurrect nicky and that was why rio and agatha's relationship had gotten so toxic because agatha was messing with the balance. but again, this is coming from my expectations.

was really hoping that we would get some resolution to the "am i william or am i billy?" question. truly thought agatha would help restore his memories of william and billy or merge their souls or something. and that he'd leave the road going by "billy kaplan" just like the comics in recognition of both identities. that's not really what happened clearly, but i also think this is still something that could happen later on. the moment is not gone.

if the road was popping them out when they got what they were missing, i'm confused as to why alice wasn't popped out after lifting her curse. or lilia after closing the loop on her memories, though she does make this conscious choice to fight the salem seven and in some ways, this seems to be a pre-determined future for herself.

agatha dying in the end was an interesting choice. clearly she will continue on in ghost form. but it done so campy that it takes so tonal adjustment to get me there.

onto what i loved or at least liked:

billy as fucking wiccan. that's my baby and that suit looks so fucking good. and that crown looks amazing. i am so fucking excited for his future. wiccan, young avengers, children's crusade, scarlet witch. i just need to see him again. and i am so desperate for him to go on this journey and meet teddy along the way. for him to find tommy.

billy's guilt - straight from the comics as well. they make it all morally gray, just like they do with wanda. but billy is desperately upset about potentially leading these witches to their death. it's a really complex situation, but that's what makes the maximoff's so interesting. they're not all good or all bad. and that's very true in the witch corner. billy going on a hero's journey attempting to atone for mistakes he believes he has made (and has in some cases). it's difficult to say anything but the road killed sharon. and it's difficult to say that lilia and alice would have ever died if they weren't put on the road. but it was all unconscious and there are other things at play here. it makes it all so fucking interesting narratively.

tommy!!!! i'm so excited to see tommy wherever he ends up showing up. super interesting more question posed again - "am i killing this boy so my brother can live?" because billy isn't afraid to ask the question.

billy and agatha's relationship. they are such complex interesting characters and have had some an amazing dynamic throughout the show. and i'm so excited to see that dynamic continue in the future.

i'm hopeful death will cotninue to play a role going forward and who's to say we're done with agathario. who's to say agatha has to stay a ghost. the future is bright.

overall this show is still peak to me and i think i just need to keep processing everything and my subverted expectations.

[whataboutsimple]

Warning! Under the cut it's just Alex whining about his life and nothing more. So basically useless post lmao- oh, yeah, curses. Lots of. Curses. Yeah, I don't recommend reading this tbh

Now what the fuck, how people manage to live their life normally and than there's me. What is wrong with me?

No, no, listen. I get it, no human can be perfect, but it frustrates me so much that I can't get exactly what's up with me. You saw other ppl on this app? Three posts a day MAX, and what do I do?

Third of August the first very post, all the way to 17 of August.

Tham it's 9 of September and since than no breaks (well, maybe Little like for a day or two)

Currently I have 397 posts, and if math is mathing, than it's about ≈8 posts each day.

8 posts each day, and I haven't posted even half of what I wanted. Or the asks I'm getting (I love them though)

What I'm implying? I can't focus even for a second on my school, better shoot me than make me doing my English, all the homework I've done so far I've done in five minutes before the class itself started. You see it?

AND THAT'S even not the full thing, I can't focus even on writing or drawing, that's why I didn't upload all the stuff, because I can't make myself create it! I have the idea in the head, I want to put it on the paper, but I can't.

The hands, the brain, they work only in a stress situations, when it's either getting an F, or doing the freaking work god damn it.

Sometimes I don't even want to touch my phone or get up from bed. All I want is to, idk, nap until I'll feel myself as if I rested.

Don't even get me started on trying to look through my mental health, I've been doing it, and you know what? I can't normally say to myself "Hey, those symptoms are kind of remind me of ourselves. Maybe we are not as healthy as we pretend we are?" Nonono, because it always will end up in self doubting like "What if I'm lying? What if I just know those symptoms are implying this and try to adjust to them to look so "poor, poor child" like? What if I just try to convince myself that something is wrong with me or simply want attention?"

Okay, like, I've been searching for symptoms of autism and ADHD for so long, reading forums and what other ppl with such things say. God, I even went through thos dumb "online tests" out of boredom and you know what? It's like 90% that I do have both, but yet again what if I'm lying? I'm perfectly healthy, I should be, I'm just lazy and dumb to do the work.

I have autistic cousin for example, and I act a lot like them and a lot like not them. Even my family always compares us, but when it's me, they go like "Well, you're not autistic, so it should be fine for you, stop acting like that!"

Yeah, woman, I'm perfectly fine, I'm just dying everytime I need to interact with ppl in reality and have heartbeat over probably 500 because it beats so loud I can almost hear it.

I've been to therapist like twice after some tragic moment in my life, because I started having horrible panic attacks, so strong even my Mon got worried, and all they managed to diagnose is PTSD after what my mother like. Just stopped the sessions. And those times when I were there, I was too scared to ask them if I may or may not have, idk, ADHD, autism or depression or anxiety or whatever because I just want to know what is wrong with me.

Because normal people won't act like I'm.

You think the dog thing is a joke? Well, yeah, it is, but I'm really eager for any interaction and reaction I can get. I don't even care abt kudos and stuff as long as you commented or reposted saying something. I'm going to die on the spot and if I had a tail it would've 100% wagged.

But when it comes to ppl in real life, I don't want to have them near me, to be in one room with them, to hear them. I can chat, I love chatting, I love talking, but only with texts. There are literally only three ppl who I can call: my mom, my grandma and my online friend.

And online friend waited for 4 years before we had a first call, voice call.

That's not normal, is it?

And like that I'm lost in me thoughts. The point is that I want to know what's wrong with me really bad, but at the same time I'm doubting if there's something wrong and I'm not just a lazy sore looser who tries to hide from responsibility in the internet. And even that I'm doing horribly.

Dang it.