#okay just joking - its not that short but I feel like each episode is over in a 'blink of an eye'

[daemondamianwatching]

I accidentally blinked once watching the latest episode of Kiseki: Dear to Me & had to

restart it as it was over already - because that's how short the show is.

[ettuleo]

I lied. I don’t like sex. Put your clothes back on. I’m gonna explain how releasing multiple seasons a year ruined voltron: legendary defenders

this was originally a twitter thread but it is truly how i feel about the entire series as a whole. all this to say these are my own thoughts and opinions.

--------

typically a show takes at least a year or so in production; making sure story lines make sense, characters are able to be developed instead of being flat (which happened to a lot of voltron characters ;-; but the characters are amazing) and to smooth out any wrinkle or hiccups. 

In doing 8 seasons in two years the writers were not given the ample amount of time to smooth out the wrinkles and to give us a fully fleshed out piece of work. Take for example Bojack Horseman. The show ran from 2014 to 2020 and it only had six seasons. in these six seasons tho the writers were able to tell an amply dark story but also giving us in depth backgrounds of the characters and we watched the characters grow and change (for better or for worse). the writers were given time to be able to tell that story and is why Bojack is highly praised. 

the voltron writers were not given the same treatment, instead they were rushed to give us 8 seasons in such a short time (this isnt taking account the poor animation team which was probably being worked to the bone bc its no joke animating tbh). 

Instead of characters that we see grow and change over the seasons, there was only like one person to have a charcter arc (pidge) and the character was hated on because of it. 

Like Lance got barely ANY character arc, he stayed the same throughout the entire show and we really never saw him grow and realize his own potential and no longer be insecure and feel like the seventh wheel of voltron. 

this can also explain why adam was introduced and killed off so quickly, there was just not enough time to even give shiro a proper backstory episode to show him making the decision to go to kerberos. 

Each of the seasons were also short and have little episodes because of the rush. I mean we saw lotor get a redemption arc and then it suddenly is thrown away so that haggar can be redeemed which made zero sense for her character.

if the writers and animators and the rest of the team were given rest time in between the seasons we would of seen an entirely different show (now that can also be false but im sticking to it could of been better) we could of seen each character grow and change and even get backstories for everyone.

i would of loved to see more garrison days of everyone and to see allura's life before Altea was destroyed (plus we could of gotten more fun filler episodes like monsters and mana where we see the characters personalities better).

people hated season eight and rightfully so, i cannot blame them. For lance to go back to farming with his family in cuba which has extremely racist undertones and for allura (the only black character) to be killed off does not also look good either.

allura didnt even have to die and for her to sacrifice herself just doesnt feel right. i understand fully that the show was EXTREMELY popular and the demand to get more episodes was at an all time high, but it was absolutely foolish and borderline amateur hour to rush production.

which is crazy because some of these show runners worked on amazing shows like avatar and korra. i know a lot of people who loved voltron feel betrayed by the eighth season and stopped participating in the fandom overall because of the betrayal they felt.

i feel like now a lot of times we as a fandom forget about this bc its been a few years since the finale and a lot of us rather use our own headcanons and fanon rather than the actual canon because it gave us nothing at all except for amazing characters.

okay to end this rant, the show feels half baked due to the way the production was rushed to get out these eight seasons in two years. if the writers were given the time (which honestly the show would probs still be going on now as we speak in the year of our gods 2022), the show could have lived up to its actual potential instead of being a dumpster fire (i use that lovingly but also not) we would of seen growth and change in characters and a lot of things we hated would of never of happened potentially. 

so yeah, thats my rant on the destruction of voltron. thanks for coming to my ted talk

[aehno]

Duckman Episode Reviews/Analysis: S1 Episode 1: "I, Duckman"

Yeah you thought what I said about reviewing every episode was a joke, huh? Think again. Hahahahaha. For the uninitiated: I'm rewatching all of Duckman right now as a cynical idiot 2 years after my first watch through, and writing an analysis/review/my thoughts.

This is seriously the only thing I feel even remotely motivated to do with my life right now.

Okay let's get started.

Plot summary:

So this episode is pretty straightforward, but complex in it's own way plot-wise. Duckman feels like he's pretty much completely worthless and ignored by everyone. Like he'll never amount to anything in the end.

Pretty valid, me, too.

He then gets a bomb package from someone, and it's like "oh wow someone does care about me!" and he visits the first suspect he can think of in prison, this cannibal he got locked up via wacky shennanigans. The cannibal turns out to be doing well in prison, and actually has a celebrity status because of his crimes. Then he gets a package, and it's another bomb, from the killer, aaaa, eek noo!!

So he's not the one threatening Duckman right now. Duckman tries to say goodbye to his family before he might get killed so they all ignore him. He looks through old home movies (each of which is represented by a reference to a different old cartoon) and ends up seeing one involving his now deceased wife, who thought he would be completely incompetent on his own and stated she would need to give custody of the family to her twin sister, Bernice, in the event that she died. And he says that he missed her and feels like he was better when she was around.

They get another bomb, chase down the killer, killer realizes he had the wrong guy and says he was doing this due to losing his own wife (something which the person he thought Duckman was was involved with) and felt utterly worthless without her. He's too depressed to turn the guy in and asks him to turn himself in, and the killer runs off. The episode ends with Duckman seeing his kids again and actually not being completely ignored by them and is in fact told that they thought he was doing a good job as a parent for them.

Thoughts:

The jokes actually land in this one. Didn't make me laugh, but I appreciate it. It's smart humor, the sort of stuff I'd laugh more at if I wasn't watching it solo on a computer. It goes at a much faster pace than the Simpsons, some truly brilliant "blink and you'll miss it" type gags that beautifully carry along the plot. It's of an enviable quality, frankly!

The dialogue in the series is often a bit verbose from all of the characters, and while it can be grating, it works just fine in this episode, and it actually feels as high brow as it thinks it is this time around. I'm not smart perse, but I would say I have above average encyclopedic knowledge (which really isn't saying much), and some jokes in this episode still went over my head despite that.

Plot is solid, especially by this show's standards, and pretty relatable, too. It's a good pilot as it sets up all the characters and their relationships- and in terms of critique I only really have small nitpicks or issues of personal tastes. This is an episode I would be fine with being walked in on while I was watching, due to its sharp writing and solid narrative. It's not nearly as annoying as some of the later episodes were (as far as I remember). I can 100% see how Jason Alexander mistook this episode for a one off short film rather than a TV episode pilot, as it sets everything up really well, and really could function as its own self-contained work.

Analysis (the annoying part where I start yapping):

I feel like the plot summary speaks for itself. It tells you all you really need to know. Not a super open-ended episode, really the only thing I consider open-ended is the introduction of a major aspect of the show that I have a fairly cynical perspective on: Duckman and Beatrice (his dead wife)'s relationship. It's natural for grief to fuck someone up, and everyone processes it differently. He's been without her for a year, and she was clearly one of the most important people in his life, to the point that he literally feels like nothing without her.

As we'll learn later, Duckman's upbringing wasn't the best, and as we saw in this episode, he was never truly a pleasant person to begin with, not even as a child. Thusly, having someone like Beatrice in his life does two things: makes his life feel less terrible (companionship, affection, satisfaction of sexual urges) and two, makes him feel worthwhile despite not necessarily being the best or most likeable person. She is not a bad person, clearly, given that she's willing to show so much affection to a person like this whom she genuinely loves so deeply despite everything. And it's good that she wasn't trying to "fix" him, as she loved him out of love and not pity or anything else. The dynamic is, as we see in the episode, truly quite comparable to Marge and Homer in that sense.

But as someone with a truly biting and cynical view on romance I also have to state that true love will never complete you, no matter how magical or amazing it feels. It's a good thing to have for sure, but it cannot be something you depend on. I'd consider a relationship where one partner tells the other they cannot trust them on their own "codependent." It should be noted that Duckman displays numerous signs of codependency:

Low self-esteem.

Trouble identifying your own emotions. <-major plot point in this episode, as well as a few others

Trouble making decisions.

Desire to care for others. <-failing at it but is shown to care

Desire to feel important to someone.

An excessive sense of responsibility for the way others act. <-maybe not this one so much, but definitely a little bit in a more inactive sense. Sort of like worrying about it neurotically but never acting on it.

A tendency to fall in love with people you can "rescue" <-we see this in other episodes

Difficulty dealing with change. <-the death of Beatrice in this case would be the change

A strong need for approval or recognition, and feeling hurt when you don't receive it

 A strong need to control other people

Poor communication skills

(List taken from: WebMD. (n.d.). Codependency: Signs and symptoms. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/signs-codependency)

Many of these signs/symptoms are displayed in the episode which, oh right, is about Duckman wanting to feel important after the death of a loved one he relied on heavily for support. And judging by what little we see of her, she does seem to want to feel needed by him, which again, lines up with the codependency theory. While she isn't trying to change who he is, because she loves him, she recognizes that he is hopeless and needs her there to help him.

Does that sound like a healthy relationship?

All I'm saying is, Duckman and Beatrice's relationship could be yet another way he found short term happiness in his miserable life, and he never realized it as being unhealthy. It's like cigarettes, alcohol, porn, all those vices he's known for having, except this time he doesn't know it's bad for him, and he isn't being chastised for it. I mean, the dude's married, good for him. Nobody looks at that marriage and says it's bad, because it looks so wonderful.

The marriage lasted for about 15 years, and Duckman and Beatrice had two point five children together, suggesting that it still seemed fine even after what most couples consider their breaking point, but we can also argue that Duckman tends to idealize his love with Beatrice. Perhaps some negative memories are blotted out...?

That's it for now on the speculative/analytical side of things.

Whenever I have time, I will be writing about S1Ep2: "Tv Or Not To Be"!

[otakween]

Digimon Tamers - Volume 4

The beginning of this volume flat out spoils things by putting characters that haven't been introduced yet on the character page. (MarineAngemon, the Juri clone, the D-Reaper queen...) Maybe that's a common practice with shounen manga...but it shouldn't be. Like, what's the point?

Ch. 22

Lopmon and Terriermon interacting will never get old. Love how they lift their ears with curiosity when they first see each other.

I think I prefer experiencing the ~sad~ part of Tamers better in manga form. I remember it being quite drawn out in the anime and I rather just blitz through it at this point. I think the whole Leomon death storyline just annoys me because they barely developed his character and then the writing expects me to be devastated. Juri was more developed, sure, but we barely got any insight into her relationship with Leomon so her deep, dark depression doesn't feel super warranted either.

Ch. 23

I think this chapter was pretty well done. They're giving an epic battle it's time instead of zooming past it.

It bugs me that there isn't a specific name for digimon/human digivolutions. In this translation they called it a "true mega form." On the wiki it's called both an ultimate and a matrix digivolution. IDK why it doesn't count as a jogress. I guess there's like...two different things: the way you digivolve (matrix) and the digivolution level (ultimate)? If it's confusing for me, I can only imagine it'd be confusing for a kid.

It's a bit weird for an English translation, but I like that Guilmon says "MMA!" a lot. I can totally hear him making that noise with his OG voice. Creative onomatopoeia.

Ch. 24

Grrr Jian said "crumbcakes," so done with this stupid translation

This chapter was hella short, not much to say about it.

Ch. 25

Okay, now they're calling it a "biomerge digivolution." I guess the localizers also thought "this needs a cool name!"

Casual 90s/early 2000s sexism sprinkled throughout this translation. Takato says he "screams like a little girl" in a previous chapter and in this one he says "easy to forget Renamon and Rika are girls when they're always kicking butt!" Eye roll...

SaintGalgomon looked super badass but for some reason when Sakuyamon appeared they chose to dedicate two closeup panels to her chest and high heels? Sus...

Ch. 26

Juri's face didn't look as sinister here as it did in the anime (when it's revealed she's possessed). I guess that's probably a good thing. More subtle.

I don't remember the sovereign digimon giving Culumon a "you're a real boy now" speech in the anime. That was sweet.

They cut the part where Beelzebumon gets zapped by a bunch a digimon. In this he just collapses after the battle with Dukemon, which I think I prefer. (But why'd he say he'd be "bunny chow?" He wasn't even fighting Terriermon...)

Ch. 27

The grotesque, over-the-top facial expressions the artist keeps drawing for Hirokazu piss me off. They're just so ugly.

Ugh...they really had to ruin a serious moment (Guilmon getting the ark to stop) with a poop joke. This manhua does NOT treat its audience with respect.

Hmm they completely cut out Juri's family. So much for developing her character I guess.

They kind of forgot to imply that the ark is sentient. I mean they showed it stopping on its own, but in the anime they really hammered it home by having Guilmon have a conversation with it and showing it's HAL-like eye. That was one of my fave parts so I'm sad lol

Ch. 28

Okay, this is starting to feel totally different from the anime, they skipped like 5 episodes worth of content. Also, IDK if the scanlation I'm reading is missing some pages because the ending with Dukemon being beat up was completely nonsensical (it cut from Beelzebumon being hit to a panel with Dukemon outta nowhere?) I'll give it the benefit of the doubt that there are missing pages...

The scene where Beelzebumon uses Leomon's attack to save Juri played out differently here. She doesn't seem particularly perturbed by it and Beelzebumon can't save her because he gets attacked, not because Juri recoils for too long.

Ch. 29/30

Lol they completely cut out Justimon. Makes Ryo's role even more pointless! Ryo doesn't even reappear at all...

This manhua series was crap to begin with but they really screwed the pooch with this ending. SOOO rushed. Grani appeared outta nowhere with zero introduction. Like they just went immediately to Grani's sacrifice. I still don't know if I'm missing pages or if the writing is just that garbage. Oh well! I tried.

[strawhatyami]

Why you absolutely should bother with watching One Piece in 2022:

Alright I'm going to get straight to the point.

Usually when you ask people “what’s so great about One Piece” the most popular answers will be about the loveable characters, good world building and great foreshadowing.

Which is all very true and I’m here to delve into why, starting with the main character :

Monkey D. Luffy:

I once saw someone describe Luffy as a "pretty simple character that is done right". And I must say that’s the best way to describe him.  His straightforward, curious, extroverted nature is the is the perfect window to explore such a vast interesting world.

Luffy does his own thing, he’s selfish in many ways, his main goal of becoming the king of pirates itself is rooted in selfishness and greed. But he’s still a chill and kind-hearted dude. It just so happens that the selfish things he wants in life are fairly tame things like eating lots of meat and punching those who hurt his friends or innocent people in the face.

And in truth, he’s quite the emotionally intelligent character which is such a charming quality that has landed him allies and friends all over the world.

In short: He’s just goofy and loveable and I like the fact that Oda ditched trying to force a "relatable" protagonist (him not having any internal monologues is a nice touch that fits his character well imo).

And before we move on, I’d like to give an honorable mention to Tanaka Mayumi who is such a wonderful voice actress<3

Next up : World Building and character design

This anime undoubtedly has some of the best world-building that I’ve ever seen.

Which is great because at its core, One Piece is an adventure manga not a battle manga. Sure fights and matchups are important and epic and Haki is one of the coolest power systems out there.

But also watching the heart wrenching relations and back stories of the characters and seeing everything connect and having characters from 400 episodes ago make a comeback and be relevant to the plot in ways you never expected is WHERE IT’S AT.

Oda plays a lot with foreshadowing and he’s very good with continuity and revisiting small details which makes the story a lot more cohesive as a whole.

Watching this show feels like an adventure which is what Oda was going for. It’s so immersive and really plunges you into this fictional world that is so well built and versatile that you will never find yourself bored because each island is a new story. A new adventure.

The character design is also top-notch.

Oda has opened many possibilities for himself with the art style as the cartoony style helps in creating a fantasy world, you get more design freedom when you're not limited to proper proportions and things like that.

And he uses that freedom to create memorable characters but also to integrate parts of their personalities into their designs. Some of my favorite character designs include Sir crocodile, Franky, Kuzan, Doflamingo, Boa Hancock and Baby 5 just to name a few.

Last but not least, The humor :

Okay so humor is subjective. However I can confidently say that no anime has ever made me laugh my guts out the way OP did, the humor is elite and the jokes (especially pre-time skip) hold up even 20+ years later which says a lot.

And I think what plays a big role in that isn’t so much the joke itself but the (often) deadpan and downright hilarious delivery from the talented voice actors.

SO TO RECAP:

Cool mc, watching him punch bad guys is satisfying af.

Great worldbuilding.

Lots of heartwarming moments.

Characters be silly and loveable.

Lots of tiddies. Male AND female.

It has Trafalgar Law in it.

But yeah real talk this show has been a source of comfort for me lately and I believe it has something for everyone (especially if you're a sucker for the found family trope, it does it really well.)

Plus with the manga drawing to an end now would be the perfect time to catch up~

[adultswim2021]

Robot Chicken #73: “Maurice Was Caught” | August 2, 2009 - 11:30PM | S04E12

Sometimes I feel like my hatred of this show is thawing over time, but this episode really wore on me. The highlight of the episode was still a D+ at best. That was the Simon Belmont one, where the realities of using a whip as a weapon are highlighted. A fairly funny premise that didn’t overstay its welcome? Okay, fine. I’ll write about it semi-positively on my bad blog about cartoons. You win, Robot Chicken. You win. 

As for the rest: There’s an Annie (of old-ass comic strip fame) sketch where it’s like that MTV Program Super Sweet 16. I applaud Robot Chicken for not having the voice just be Seth Green doing his patented “stupid bitch” voice; they actually hired an actress for it. The writing isn’t much better than those other sketches where they make fun of teen celebrities. Could have been worse, I guess. 

There’s a sketch that’s like War Games, but it’s the Nerd playing a Lord of the Rings game. He nukes Canada trying to find a cheat code online. The government waterboards him until he finally implicates the middle east as a potential target. This technically qualifies as satire. It predictably ends with a prison rape joke, which technically qualifies as lame writing.

A lot of these sketches are fairly short, running around a minute each. Usually it’s easy to single out three “longish” sketches, and I guess I already have. There’s one where Sesame Street and Wall Street collide when Kermit the Frog’s cousin Gordon the Gecko shows up. There’s one where a scientist shows off a bunch of failed jetpack tests. There’s one where Petroleum Pete sings a song about the virtues of using fossil fuels. That last guy is sorta meant to resemble the Sinclair logo, I’m guessing. I thought maybe he was a real guy. That one hurts because it’s also musically bad. That was this one, goodnight! 

EPHEMERA CORNER: 

Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! - Season Three DVD (August 4, 2009)

The worst season of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job nevertheless receives as good of a release as any other season, with deleted scenes and extended sketches. The best bits on here are the half-hour version of the Muscles for Bones episode, and the complete Gettin’ It Dunn full-length ‘sode.

I read a review of this to remind me what was on it and was reminded that C.O.R.B.S. received a video commentary on adultswim.com. I also remember Jim and Derrick getting the same treatment, which I touched on in that episode’s write-up. It’s a shame those commentaries are lost to time. Dino’s Moral Orel commentaries made it to the Australian DVD for Moral Orel, but the rest are fucking toast.

MAIL BAG

Hey leave Wil alone! If you play nice with him he might send you a free case of Stone Farking Wheaton W00tStout.

Jesus fucking Christ, man. You made me look this up to see if it was real and I was very disappointed at what I found. Everything that turd does makes me want to you-know-what (TOILETFLUSH.ogg)

[winderlylandchime]

2/2 ‘I will pay him to shut up. I’m broke as a fucking joke but bro i am willing to work my tushy on every corner to make him shut up. Pretentious fucker. I’m so happy Brian isn’t this cringey. *mocks ethan* alone jerking off. Oh fuck off. HE WAS IMAGINING HIM KISSING HIM. I WILL LITERALLY VOMIT RIGHT THIS SECOND, this is gonna sound weird but Bri looks better when he gets head. This guy makes funky faces. (THE KNOCK JUST HAPPENED) imagine if its brian!!!!! He needs help with more posters or some shit! OH MY GOD ROSES! OH ETHAN LOOKS LIKE HE JUST SAW HIS OWN LIFE FLASH BEFORE HIS EYES….spoiler alert it was a very boring one. HIS MUUUUSE? OH ETHAN IS SCARED- OH FUCKS SAKE BEN! WHY DO YOU RUIN EVERYTHING!’ *Mikey is now being dramatic with a needle* ‘Mikey whatcha doing? Dude, why cant you just be dramatic over boyfriends the same way everyone else is? Dye your hair red and get a buzzcut! FINALLY BEN! Now go back to boring and call it a day’ And we are back to Justin ‘ow ow Justin that has to hurt. TELL HIM! YES HE IS A LIAR! OH YOU MISSED HIM? FOR A DAY?! OH ITS JUSTINS FAULT AGAIN LIKE USUALLY?! (Ethan says thee line) OH YOU KEEP YOUR BRIANS NAME OUT OF YOU CHEATIN MOUTH! EXACTLY YOU NEVER FORGAVE HIM BC HE DIDNT DO SHIT WRONG! HE WAS HONEST FROM DAY ONE! YES LEAVE! SHOVE THAT RING UP YOUR ASS. Oh i have a few ideas what you could do without Justin. *does middle fingers at Ethan* HAHAHA FUCK YOU MARACAS BOY! JUSTIN FINALLY SAW THE LIGHT! *pauses tv* you know what we need now? Brian and Justin to bump into each other and for him to see Justin’s bleeding hand. Yup. I could do this shit for a living!’ He is literally smiling so big and he rewinded the scene like 2 times. Each time he smiled more and more while also laughing at Ethan. *raises his soda in the air* ‘lets all have a toast to Ben’s failed attempt at trying to be less boring. Glad you saw the light, big guy.’ ‘NOW HOW DID BRIAN KNOW HE DIDNT SLEEP AT HO-oh his clothes are the same. BRI YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE SO HAPPY! GUESS WHAT HAPPENED? THEY BROKE UP! (Ted just thanked Brian) dude, stop acting like you dont care for your friends. I get that its part of your schtick but dude come on. you most certainly did it for Teddy! THERES POTENTIAL IN THIS BROMANCE!’ ‘Oh fuck you Justin, you were buddies with him last episode but now youre saying he’s acting like total shit, i mean okay true BUT COME ON. And Debbie, maybe you could understand it if you, oh I don’t know, stopped blaming him all the time and being rude to him one second and the next you love him! Im still mad at you acting like you dont know that he loves Justin!’ Melanie just said she’s pregnant ‘oh no. Oh no. This is gonna be the worst thing since…quick name something bad. Mike is gonna be a dad. Oh that’s…i dont wanna say bad but i am coming up short on any other word’ ‘BRIAN! (Btw every time he says that when he comes on tv he literally points to the tv like he’s shocked he’s in the show..imagine that one Leo Dicaprio gif) HEY! brian is a good dad! *looks at me in wonder* Do you think backrooms are still a thing? Are they even legal? OH MY GOD ITS BLONDIE! JUSTIN!! HES IN THE BACKROOM! HES IN THE CLUB! FINALLY!! I hated how he acted that he was too good for it. AND LOOK HOW FAST BRI BRI SAW HIM! of course you are gonna fuck next to hi- OH JUSTIN SAW HIM *starts hitting me all excited* THEY ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER! THEY ARE FUCKING AND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER!!! DID YOU SEE THAT SMIRK? OH JUSTIN ISNT EVEN TRYING TO LOOK AWAY! *stands up and starts showing his shirt* TEAM FUCKING BRIAN! I KNOW THATS RIGHT! *screams literally on top of his lungs* I WANNA FEEL YOU FROM THE INSIDE?! OH THEY ARE SICK FOR THAT!’ He is now staring at the tv with his hands in his hair smiling while credits roll..’oh i gotta call mom! I gotta tell her! This is big news, shit i gotta call (friends name)! I gotta tell him all about this! I knew this shirt would work, you all thought i was crazy but it worked!’ And now he is giving mom the full run down. She is stuck with him on the phone bc she ignored his calls so he guilt tripped her

Your brother's reaction to THEE SCENE is everything. It is perfect. 10/10 would read that a million times over, no notes. (Or, this being tumblr, 1k notes post)

Brian and Justin to bump into each other and for him to see Justin’s bleeding hand. <- WHY WERE WE ROBBED OF THIS

THEY ARE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER! THEY ARE FUCKING AND LOOKING AT EACH OTHER!!! DID YOU SEE THAT SMIRK? OH JUSTIN ISNT EVEN TRYING TO LOOK AWAY! *stands up and starts showing his shirt* TEAM FUCKING BRIAN! I KNOW THATS RIGHT! *screams literally on top of his lungs* I WANNA FEEL YOU FROM THE INSIDE?! OH THEY ARE SICK FOR THAT!’

That is all of us right now.

I LOVE that your brother immediately wanted to tell everyone. No one cares but he still wants to share the good news.

[unhinged-comics-screaming]

I don't usually watch the Marvel short series or whatever but I was hoping for some crumbs from S2E1 since it's literally "What if Nebula joined the Nova Corps".

Positive and negative notes below! Also spoilers, duh.

This is like, stupid long. Probably longer than the video itself. It kinda makes me want to come back and write a proper essay

Author disclaimers/context: I'm a Nova girly. Duh. Love comics. Have bad memory. Have not watched every MCU thing but have a lot of vibes about it.

I really enjoyed the color...ing? color grading? whatever fancy word is used for the colors of a film. A lot of nice compositions as well. I'm glad there were a lot of visually bright moments.

I generally like the style of What if but the animation/rigging itself is... not great. It's definitely a little chunky. I'm not looking for like, feature film levels but maybe a bit more than 3D animation youtubers.

Plot wise, I understand what they were going for but it doesn't really build well in short format. The ambiance was there but literally "corrupt police chief" is soooo overdone. Also like Howard the Duck and Groot were fun to see but am I supposed to know the other guy? Or like Korg?

I legitimately had to rewind the section where she gets uhhh apparently some Captain Marvel dude? out because his name is goofy and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to recognize him earlier. The end bit where he's next to the other Nova Officer is so funny because its just. Two white dudes next to each other that are nearly identical.

Euch okay not a shining example of the art style. It's okay generally I promise.

On that note, the total lack of uniqueness in the Nova Corps was boring like is this the Nova rapture (vol 4)

Like okay not totally perfect examples but at the very least I feel like it's important to emphasize that the Nova Corps are an intergalactic thing and not like, Humans+. They show some other alien races on Xandar itself but all of the Corpsmen just look like humans.

I mean, on the whole the Nova Corps aren't fleshed out which is fine since we don't have a Nova focused thingy yet but I feel like the MCU on the whole misses iconic things in favor of just omitting details that they can't handhold. Nothing about Worldmind, the Nova Force or anything. In general they just aren't setting up any MCU folks to root for them at all. Like imagine a Ko Rel cameo in the scene where Nebula is getting beat up by a bunch of unpowered by virtue of lack of explanation dudes and Ko Rel has some compassion and helps her out. Imagine knowing anything about the Nova Corps beyond "space cops".

On the hand holding, I get that some of the over explain-y-ness is a bit eg. *shield closes in on a ship with big explosions* "the shields are closing on the ships!!" but like all of the writing is just. So much. I probably could've listened to the whole thing like a radio play.

A lot of the writing felt like it was trying to be self aware eg. *wow person breaking into something talks to lock* "why are you talking to the lock it doesn't even have actual mechanisms" which is at least a fun Nebula line but it felt even more cliche. I probably could've guessed how most of the lines in the movie were going to go. Also everything with the comic relief group. I like Howard the Duck calling Nebula 'Nebby' but every bit in the casino/bar was unfunny and boring. Why is Korg here aside from the Rock, Paper, Scissors joke.

God the stupid "aren't you a big deal baddie?" bit was so long and painful. ugh. made worse by the fact I haven't seen Captain Marvel.

Anyway. After making an essay longer than the episode itself. Sandwich time. More good uh I don't like Nebula because of how far removed she is from her comic self but hey. It works and I actually quite liked her. Space cop cars were cool. They included one Hala star which satisfied my curiosity of "how are they gunna look near the nova stars".

Wow I should like, make essays proper instead of going full stream of consciousness on everyone's ass. Maybe if I did video essays I could give you a consolation prize for getting this far from one of my sponsors. I really didn't mean for this to get this long I just started having feelings

[latibulater]

okay i got my laptop out this time so i was prepared

The Venture Bros Rewatch notes: dia de los muertos

The Mexican auto mechanic that we think is the gang leader is hot, the scar, the mustache, the hat, the big nose - honestly this character design was wasted

Brock's cigarette has a little bandage on it....

Brock can understand Spanish, unsurprising, I wonder how many languages he knows

The man clapping when Brock takes his underwear off, and then sniffs Brock's shirt: he is GAY

I would love to see more of Rusty being a shitty professor does he do this type of thing a lot? What on earth was his class even about all he did was talk about the Chupacabra and Catholicsm. What on earth is he doing.

Also the Mexican professor is cute i love him as well. Him trying to explain about monarch butterflies and just being so beyond exasperated when Hank asks if they're poisonous.

I think it's cute the Monarch is like don't be cutesy in front of the men with me. And he uses the word phalanx which is just hilarious. And Speedy "not having his wings" makes it seems like there's a legitimate process to joining the Monarch's crew and ranking up. I would honestly love to know more about the henching hiring process

Dr. Guevara is also cute. All of the Mexican characters are well drawn I wish one or two had made a comeback in future episodes like that other doctor/malpracticing surgeon.

Dean suggesting they get Helper a paint job is so sweet.

So Brock totally went into a coma from all those lethal/tranq darts, just what kind of poison training do the OSI put them through? The fact that Brock didn't relax when he went down but stayed tense holding onto Speedy's neck makes me think it is some type of paralytic.  

"It was Speedy's idea" becomes the new catchphrase of the cocoon when something goes wrong

"he'll go totally sick house on our asses" ABAHDBAJBDJK

Doylistically, i think its so funny how different all the characters talk to each other, because even though they all have a long history we are being just introduced to everyone and their issues and themes. its crazy in this episode the monarch discovers parental feelings while doc takes the twins' organs for himself.

his second kidney! after the first one was taken when he fell on the joke grenade with the pop flag

Also I love Helper's paint job he should have kept some of the tassels.

Doc never talks about the Monarch really and the boys think Baron Underbheit is Doc's main nemesis

Doc also rewired his kidneys so Helper became his dialysis and he did that in just a few hours honestly impressive. Also the the gag of him just opening up a medical dictionary and searching up kidneys

Dean's little pout and sigh

The Monarch unknowingly uncling the venture twins in the second episode literally has me obsessed

"a hot little earful"

okay but the Monarch deserves to foster kids, hes so uncling the twins when doc doesnt answer

monarch is a leo or libra of course "i remember it was septamber because it was almost my birthday"....him being so anxious that dr girlfriend will be mad that he dragged the cocoon down to mexico and made her do nonsense work is so cute

"tenderoni"...

When did Doc get all the stuff for Brock's shrine and the tequila

"my guardian angel...my beautiful guardian angel"

brock's first thought being the twins

THE MONARCH BAKING COOKIES WITH A LITTLE BUTTERFLY APRON AND MITTS

also the chupacabra (and bigfoot) is real, so im gonna assume all the other cryptids are as well. we know santa is dead.

the part where brock is running over all the henchmen and he licks his lips, starts the car lighter, and starts smoking is so hot. whoever boarded that probably story boarded the pan-up of brock in tiny jean shorts

the way doc grabs at their kidneys is so funny. did he just dose both of them when they weren't looking. "i chose two beautiful new kidneys! i feel freaking amazing!"

this episode gives me such mixed feelings one one hand its really good and hilarious but again. the casual racism steeped throughout really cuts the humor to the quick and makes it uncomfortable fast. like cmon. did we have to do that joke, make that comment. arent you better than that. even it being an early 2000s ep, my commentary still stands

The Venture Bros Rewatch Notes: the terrible secret of turtle bay

The art style is just different enough to be really weird yet interesting to watch

I honestly hadn't finished this episode till today bc I couldn't get over how bad the writing was for the opening scene in japan

Doc pops pills ALL the time it's practically a conversation closer for him

The intro to Brock being framed like how Dr. Girlfriend is framed in the yard sale episode: as sultry sex appeal - whoever drew that had an understanding. Also his tiny little jean shorts? Jesus

Brock really just not giving a shit and not caring what Doc is telling him is so funny. And between the mummy and the gator just how easy is it to

I love his little green shirt I think it's cute. Also the way this show is SO OLD the lines honestly look a little glitchy

I seriously don't understand how the Monarch can afford all the henchmen and the cocoon and everything like ik they say he had the fitzcarraldo trust fund but how much fucking money was in there? a hundred million in 80s money?

Between the U Ray and removing all of Scamps skin....which......BARF..... Doc seems to be, not smarter, but actually accomplishing things? he doesn't seem as adrift and like he can't finish anything

Billy Pete and Richard are all at the UN why are Billy and Pete there besides to look gay

The comic book 60s batman affect of brock punching people is hilarious and so old school

I loved the gag of the henchmen in the fake meteor getting trapped and dying on the lawn. Honestly the Monarch was so funny he shot the cabbie, the cop, and when he was out of darts he responded totally normal like to the homeless man. And his wings getting stuck in the train was so funny

The sex worker honestly was hilarious she was so nice and the scene at the end between her and brock is actually really charming

The ninja ceo being a technology fetishist is hilarious

INCREDIBLY racist episode overall somehow it has a gift in being able to pack the most offense into a single line, so even though the racism only is blatant a few times it does set the tone for the whole show. Makes me remember how in the butterglider episode brock is leading black pirates in chains. And the fact that the episode right after this is the one in Mexico? Like, hammer and publick reeeeally went hard on using racist tropes as comedy in the beginning huh

[1kook]

kissanime & foreplay

this is part of my netflix & chill collection !

summary; You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans. warnings; mentions of hentai yes u read right, kook leads most of it, cunnilingus, masturbation (f), oral (f), use of a sex toy, fingering, nipple play, face sitting/fucking/riding idk (f), praise kink, hints of dumbification, cum eating, jk is like passive aggressive in this one, 4 (f) orgasms, this is the kicker: sub kook at the end😳, like 2 sec of dom yn lol, & u get 0.002 sec of adams apple kink misc; more dumb story lines, made up sex stores bc my creativity knows no bounds, Jungkook plays nice but is actually mean for the majority of it, once again doyeon plays a pivotal role in the furthering of women empowerment, internal love monologues about jk best boy<3 wc; 8.2k

notes; back when kissanime was offed I remember looking at this fic in the drafts like what the hell we gone do now.. n almost deleting it but I was like yknow what this isn’t a 1kook fic unless there’s smthn weird going on so here we are. also yes I know ohshc is on Netflix shut up!!!!! 

HAPPY BDAY MY LOVE AND MUSE JEON JUNGKOOK !!!! 🥺💜

—

The good thing about getting your own apartment is that you finally have a place to call your own. There’s no limit on how many potted plants you can squeeze into a one bedroom, one bathroom apartment, and if there was one, you’re twelve in and no one has said anything to you yet. You don’t have to share the shower space with anyone, label all your products with a hastily scribbled name. There’s a bathtub—something you haven’t had the pleasure of using during college—and a fairly open living space. There’s so many empty spots to fill with useless decorations and family heirlooms and that ugly plastic rooster Jungkook won you at the summer kick-off fair last month.

The bad thing about having your own place is that the entire world and their mothers seem to know now. Despite graduating from college, you still keep in touch with your trusted graduate mentor Kim Namjoon, who is still very much in school, and has made it his mission to bring you a new plant every week, hence your growing collection. Your childhood friend comes over every Saturday morning to lounge around after her Friday nights out. Jungkook, although the only one who is ever actually invited, runs through your strawberry scented body wash like a madman.

And of course, Doyeon.

Your beloved college roommate of four years, Kim Doyeon, has been the bane of your apartment experience so far. Unlike you, who had slaved away for four years, saving every penny you made during college for this moment, Doyeon was a big spender. She blew every dollar she ever came across, which is why she’s going to be stuck living at her parent’s house for at least a couple more years.

Nothing wrong with that, of course, if she wasn’t the most maniac online shopper in existence. It hadn’t been a problem in college because she was always good old pals with the students who worked the mailroom. If they saw something questionable, they’d let it slide as long as it was under Miss Kim Doyeon, Room 229.

The reason it became an issue for her now is because it’s poor Mrs. Kim who signs over the package from Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! one Tuesday afternoon as it is delivered to their suburban home.

So now she’s taken to ordering all her freaky stuff to your new apartment, where the small cabinet by the door has quickly become home to her impulsive shopping habits. Truthfully, you don’t mind accepting Doyeon’s weird packages, and have long since grown used to the uncomfortable looks the mail carrier gives you.

Jungkook’s supposed to come over today and you really hope he doesn’t ask about the state of your hall cabinet. Now that you work at a small company outside of your degree to make ends meet, time with Jungkook has been significantly decreased. You weren’t in college anymore, so you didn’t have the luxury of dropping by his house whenever you wanted to in between classes. Of course, it’s mostly your schedule that conflicts with your planned hangouts, because Jungkook is still working his dream job from home.

However, because Jungkook is quite possibly the most amazing person on this planet, he’s started coming over every Saturday night to make sure you’re still alive and not dying. And so weekly media binges are a thing, and it’s currently week four.

He gave up on showing you the Marvel movie franchise last week, after you had asked where Wonder Woman was three times in a row. Since the Barbie Movie Debacle of last month, you’ve found a nice medium between who picks when. Jungkook picks most of the time, because most of the time you don’t really care. It’s become a running joke between the two of you that movie binges are usually just terribly masked excuses to go to town on each other, so you don’t mind missing an entire 15th Century French Revolution documentary if it means Jungkook is deep in your guts by the time King Louis XIV gets beheaded or whatever they did to him. Is it too obvious you didn’t watch the documentary?

Occasionally, there are instances where one of you genuinely does want to watch something, in which case you have an intense match of rock-paper-scissors to decide who’s picking that night. Most of the time, Jungkook wins. But for every match Jungkook wins, he promises you’ll pick the next one so you’ve long since stopped trying to actually beat him.

Long story short, last weekend you sat through a two part Ancient Aliens episode on the connection between aliens and American presidents.

It was the most god-awful conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of, but Jungkook ate up every minute of it. By the time the two hosts announced their conclusion you were just about ready to rip your own ears off and single-handedly fist fight every producer on the channel for allowing the production of such an atrocious show.

Anyway, because you had so bravely sat through the entire evening without complaints— well, no complaints towards Jungkook’s terrible taste; the show, however, was not safe from your wicked tongue —Jungkook has so graciously allowed you to pick the media for this weekend.

You’ve been telling him for the longest time that you were going to hook him on anime. It was one of the few interests you always believed Jungkook should possess, being a weeb and all, because it was only fair that he had one questionable trait to balance out the rest of his perfection. Liking anime isn’t bad— if a hottie like you enjoyed it, then it obviously had its perks. However, you know a lot of other people are turned off by anime-enthusiasts due to preconceived notions of the genre and the viewer-base.

Now, it was a widely known fact that you always had ulterior motives. So maybe turning Jungkook into a weeb was just a ploy to turn other women off from him and keep your jealousy at bay. Sue you, your boyfriend was a walking wet dream, and you’d do anything to keep him to yourself.

After long deliberation, you’ve decided on introducing Jungkook to anime with a classic: Ouran High School Host Club, a god among anime, a true Beyonce among shoujos. The only problem was that you absolutely refused to pay Crunchyroll or Funimation when you could so easily find the entire show on KissAnime.com, home to only the finest of hentai ads and Are You a Robot? questions.

He sends you a text when he’s outside your building, and five minutes later there’s a rap against your door.

“Hi,” you smile up at him, heart fluttering in that same trademark way it did whenever Jungkook was within a five foot radius. He smiles back softly, leaning down to peck your lips as you step aside for him to enter. He’s got on those cotton sweats that you love, the ones that send your brain into a censored frenzy. But he’s also got that soft curl to his hair that lets you know he came here straight out of the shower in his hurry to see you. How you managed to bag a dream boyfriend like him was beyond you.

You bask in the overwhelming feeling of unannounced love for all of ten seconds before Jungkook is lifting up a square package you hadn’t seen at his hip. “Mailman gave me this,” he says, waving around the signature bright pink packaging of Sexuality Unleashed. Jungkook, for all his politeness and respect, seemed to falter in those categories when it came to you. He turns the box over, reading the big fat name of the company on the side. “Since when did you start buying sex toys?” he asks rather loudly in the hallway.

You yank him inside, hurriedly slamming the door shut before any of your neighbors can come out into the hallway and get a peek of this avid sex toy consumer. “They’re not mine!” you hiss, standing still when he uses you to balance himself as he tugs off his shoes. You snatch the box out of his hands, turning it around to make sure it is actually addressed to your home. Sure enough, it’s for you. Couldn’t there have been some other sex toy fanatic on this floor?

With his shoes off, Jungkook wastes no time enveloping you in a hug, the Sexuality Unleashed box tumbling to the ground. “It’s okay, baby, no need to be embarrassed.”

You groan, leaning your forehead against his shoulder as he continues to pat your back like you’re actually embarrassed to be caught buying toys— you’re not. You’re embarrassed he caught you with a sex toy you simply can’t put to use. “Whatever,” you sigh, “your gross popcorn is in my bedroom and it’s probably stale.”

He releases you, not before pulling you into a slow and languid kiss that has you clutching tightly at the front of his shirt. He pulls away with a soft smooch, right eye falling into a wink. “Bring the box, gorgeous,” he teases, before sauntering off in the direction of your bedroom.

You groan loudly. “It’s not mine!” you repeat, but for some reason do as he says.

Not only do you have no idea what’s in this package, but you’re frankly not too keen on finding out. You’re more interested in Jungkook’s reaction to one of your favorite animes of all time. The package is tossed onto the end of the bed, where Jungkook has already stripped himself of his socks and cuddled beneath your covers.

Your laptop has gone dark from inactivity so you slam down on the space bar to bring it back to life. Your first mistake was pressing anything at all. It flickers back on alright, but you forget that you are working with a minefield of ads ready to explode. You get a glimpse of the KissAnime screen for a good two seconds before about seven ads pop up. Another tab to a raunchy hentai website opens, and Jungkook groans.

“What the hell is this?” he asks in a tone that screams he has never had to fight viruses off his computer just to watch something at two in the morning.

You ignore him, cuddling into his side as you hurriedly type in the title of the anime before another annoying ad can intercept you. “KissAnime,” you answer for now, accidentally clicking down on the mousepad with the heel of your palm. Another tab opens up to some sketchy credit site. You huff.

“Baby, I swear I just saw like twelve viruses,” he says. “And what even are these?” he scoffs, jabbing a finger at one of the many ads that lines the perimeter of the website. “Animated teacher porn?”

By the grace of god, you somehow manage to get onto the episode selection screen without having another tab open on you. You smile in relief, turning the power of your excitement onto Jungkook… only to find his eyes narrowed in on the square advertisement for some hentai website. “What? You wanna watch hentai now?” you snort, placing the laptop on his legs as you cuddle into his side.

Jungkook sputters, cheeks tinting red at the mere insinuation he would ever consume such media. “No,” he glares, releasing the arm around your shoulders to huffily cross them over his chest. “I am not going to watch anatomically incorrect illustrations of a woman teacher relieving herself, ___,” he says rather matter-of-factly.

You snort, repeating, “a woman teacher,” mockingly and in a high pitched voice that, honestly, doesn't sound anything like him. You click play on the video box that appears after only about twenty more pop-up ads. “Silence, you nymphomaniac, the episode is starting.” Jungkook pulls you close with a displeased expression, finally quieting down when you put it on full screen and the ads disappear from his view.

You’re beginning to wonder if Jungkook really is the script and plot dissector he claims to be, or if he just lives to get under your skin. He doesn’t make it three minutes without finding something to critique. First it’s the quality of the frames, and then it’s the characterization of the lead character. He nitpicks everything about the best anime in existence, and by the end of the first episode you’re considering breaking up with him.

“Oh my god,” you groan, tearing yourself away from him. He’s all laid up against your mountain of pillows, tongue prodding at the insides of his mouth in that ridiculously attractive habit of his. Usually, you’d be tripping over yourself to kiss him, but you’re about two seconds from ripping his head off. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, baby,” you sigh, picking up his hand in yours. “You gotta shut up.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes. “I have to shut up?” he asks in a scandalized tone. “You sang through the entire intro, off tune may I add.”

At this rate you’re getting nowhere, so you just snatch the laptop back up before you actually hurt his feelings. You escape the full screen, met with those hentai ads that are slowly becoming the bane of Jungkook’s existence.

“Who actually watches those anyway?” he mumbles, covering the sidebar full of naked cartoon ladies with his palm for you, a real gentleman if you ever saw one. “Really?” he says, knocking his pointer finger against a particularly raunchy ad with the caption Be a Good Boy and Let her Play beneath it.

You snort. “You are such a baby,” you tease, pinching his cheek much to his annoyance. “What? Can’t handle seeing some anime titties?”

Jungkook shoves your hand away, leaning back to become one with the pillows as you continue onto the next episode. “They’re just weird,” he admits. “And make unrealistic faces.”

“Unrealistic,” you repeat, finally giving one of the ads the time of day. There’s an adorably drawn character making the most perverted expression, knees hiked up to her chest. Her face is twisted up, drooling like a dog and with her eyes crossed in ecstasy. You shrug. “Just because you can’t get those faces out of me doesn’t mean they’re unreal.”

The second the words leave your mouth Jungkook is letting out a scandalized scoff, sitting up to level you with another glare. “First of all, I can get you like that,” he defends, tapping his finger against the ad on screen. “In fact, I can get you like that without even trying, so let’s not say anything too drastic now, okay?”

His sudden bout of defensiveness makes something playful in you switch on, laying back down beside him with a smirk. “Oh, you can make me all stupid like this?”

Jungkook scoffs. “Yes.”

“Uh huh,” you drawl, tracing a finger up his chest teasingly; Jungkook knocks your knuckles away, obviously still butt hurt about your comment. That’s fine, because a slightly riled up Jungkook was always the best Jungkook. You sit up and lean in close, letting your hand slip beneath his hoodie, palm running over his bare shoulder and around the top of his back. You give his nape a light squeeze, lips pressed against the shell of his ear. “Why don’t you prove it to me, Jungkookie?” you purr, before pulling away.

His jaw twitches at the nickname, one shapely brow unconsciously arching as he regards you with a calculative expression.

The thing about Jungkook was that, after almost a year of dating, you know just how to push his buttons. He has a rather calm and collected exterior to him, the same one he’s had since the day you met him, but beneath it all was a childish competitiveness that raged with the heat of ten suns. He disliked being taunted like you were doing now, especially when his credibility was at stake.

Honestly speaking, you don’t doubt Jungkook can make you look as goofy and messy as those hentai ads. In fact you’re rather confident he can. Either way, him being right or you being right, you would still get some fun out of it.

“Hm?” you add, tracing your hand up to dance over the skin of his cheek, pads of your fingers running over that stiff jaw. “Are you scared I’m right and you’re wrong?”

A hand snaps up to catch your wrist, fingers tight around your skin until you’re shivering against him. “Oh baby, I can make you cum until you cry,” he murmurs, his usual sweet and lilting tone dropping to a low vibration that makes your pussy throb beneath your panties. Your heart leaps in your chest, lips falling open when he ducks down to brush them against yours. It’s too light, just a simple touch that makes you follow his mouth when he pulls back.

With one firm shove, the laptop is tumbling off the bed, thudding loudly against your bedside rug. Jungkook leans over you, his usual trademark doe eyes zeroed in on you with the focus of a laser. “Have a little faith in me,” he teases, and when he presses close you can feel his fattening cock flush against your thigh. Your body is begging to be touched, every brush of his fingers against your skin searing trails in their wake.

Suddenly, he’s drawing back. “Kook?” you frown, barely biting down on a childish whimper when he snuggles back into your mountain of pillows, one arm stretched behind his head.

He flashes you a smile. “Go on,” he says, arms behind his head. “Show me how to get you like that.”

“By myself?” you ask, shifting onto your knees anyway. Jungkook nods, a soft jut of his chin as he gives you another one of those easy going smiles of his. His goal seems a little unclear, but you had a ridiculous amount of trust in your boyfriend that whatever he had planned was certain to be good. With one final skeptical glance his way, you sink down onto your bum, knees spreading and giving him a clear view of your little pink boy shorts, elastic band hugging your waist.

The material of your t-shirt is guided away, held to your chest by the hand currently not traversing the length of your stomach, gliding across soft skin, over your belly button and past that band until it slips beneath. You chance another look Jungkook’s way, only to find his eyes wonderfully downcast in the direction of your core. That smile is gone now, replaced with a somber look as he watches your hand move mysteriously beneath the fabric of your undergarments.

The first brush of your forefinger against your swollen button makes you twitch, back arching at the sensation that is magnified by his watchful gaze. “Mmh,” you bite down, hand twisting in the material of your shirt. Jungkook’s eyes glare a molten path across your skin, from the comfy bra that peeks out from beneath your rumpled shirt to the wrist slowly working beneath your panties.

A hand falls over your thigh, tattooed fingers giving the skin a light squeeze as you get to work swirling your bud around. The sight of his inked skin on yours makes something warm blossom in your lower abdomen, your eyes following the inky swirls up, up, up. They lead you to the face of your very handsome boyfriend, long lashes fanning across his cheekbones as he watches you play with yourself. “Wanna take these off for me?” he says, the tip of his pointer finger wiggling beneath the fabric of your shorts.

You nod hurriedly, wiggling around on the bed until you’re on your back, legs bent in front of you. The shorts come down your legs; the simplest press of your thighs makes something quiver in your abdomen. You toss them off to the side, and just as you go to sit back up, Jungkook places a hand on your knee. “Stay like this for me,” he says, sitting up from his mountain of pillows to glance down at you. You melt into the plush mattress beneath you, staring down at him between your legs. He’s got that adoring look in his eyes, the one that makes you feel so warm and in love, it’s only natural your hand slips down to play with your bare clit again. “That’s my girl,” he smiles, rubbing a hand down the outside of your thigh, urging your legs to fall open.

There’s this overflowing vat of arousal that builds up inside of you everytime Jungkook is around, like the moment your eyes land on him you’re reminded of every position he’s ever had you in. You remember the soft brush of his hands on your body, the way his lips feel on yours, the soft tickle of his hair when he gets too close. It makes your heart lurch in your chest, like if you don’t grab onto him tightly this feeling will slip through your fingers and out of your life. So you were crazily in love with your boyfriend— now what?

A puckered set of lips meets the inside of your thigh, the action ripping you from your overly gooey, overly soft inner rambling. Your hand trails down your quivering pussy lips, collecting your dripping wetness as you go. At the same time, Jungkook kisses down the inside of your thigh, soft smacks of his lips against your skin filling the air with an emotion that makes you bite down a whimper. Your hole puckers at the brush of your fingers, anticipating an entrance that you yearn to give into soon.

His mouth is on you before your finger can go deeper than a centimeter in. But Jungkook doesn’t brush your hand off, doesn’t shove you away to prove his mouth was undoubtedly better. He places a kiss over your knuckles, before swallowing up your significantly smaller hand with his, that of which he clasps together over your navel.

You groan, head rolling from side to side. “Don’t be so soft with me,” you whine, leg twitching when he presses a kiss against your engorged bundle of nerves. “Push me around like that one time, you know I like it.”

Jungkook grins, mouthing over your clit with practiced ease that has you releasing all kinds of whimpers and sighs. He’s got his other hand wrapped around your thigh, strong arm pulling you closer to that devious mouth and tongue that lavished attention on your clit. “Need me to be mean to you, baby?” he purrs, curling his tongue in such a way that it makes your entire body tense up, muscles pulled tight. “Want me to push you around like the stupid little girl you are?” You moan, head bobbing up and down at the ideas he stuffs in your mind. As he moves down the length of your cunt, that round nose you love brushes against your bud, and the cheeky shit takes an obnoxiously loud sniff of it, a soft groan breathed against your lower lips. “But isn’t this better?” he hums, languidly molding his lips against your lower ones, much in the same way he does with the ones on your face; he moves slowly, slips his tongue in every few seconds before eventually diving in head on. “Slow... and so easy.”

“Kook,” you mewl, getting this overwhelming urge to cover your face with your hands. But you can’t, because he’s knotted one hand with yours and his fingers only tighten when you try to yank them apart. Instead you’re left pressing one knuckle against your mouth, brows pinching as he begins slowly fucking his tongue into your cunt. “F-Faster,” you beg. He, of course, ignores your plea.

The wet mass moves past the clenched muscles around your hole, nose brushing against your lips with every intrusion. Every few cycles he stops to press a kiss against your pussy, so hard and wet that it hurts when he pulls off. You’re left writhing and moaning, your heel knocking against his shoulder when he pushes your leg up closer to your chest. “It’s enough,” you cry, your entire body shivering.

Jungkook pulls off with a loud pop, lips glistening with your arousal. He’s got this glint on his eyes, like he’s thoroughly entertained by your reactions. He shuffles around to get comfortable, finally releasing that grip on your hand. Immediately, your newly freed hand jumps forward to tangle in the hair above his ear, tracing down the delicate curve of his cheekbone. Jungkook turns his head, pressing a soft peck against your open palm that makes your heartbeat thunder in your ears.

As he moves around, his leg bumps against something that has both of you pausing. It sounds out of place next to your shallow breaths, and both of you glance down only to catch sight of that stupid package from Sexuality Unleashed teetering on the edge of the bed.

The moment you see it, it’s like you’re transported into an omnipresent view of the scene, the next few hours flashing before your eyes as Jungkook snorts. You know he’s going to reach for it in two seconds, and you know he’s going to tear the hot pink packaging apart with his bare hands. He does so with a scary amount of power, the industrial tape not standing a chance against him. A box roughly the same size as the package falls out, and before you can kick it away and save yourself from suffering beneath Jungkook’s teasing antics, he’s snatching up the box.

“The Bullet Bestie,” he reads aloud, dark eyes flying across the text with lightning speed before that box is also being ripped open. (Briefly, there’s a voice in your head that thinks of Doyeon, but you’re not sure why.) Out tumbles a little pink bullet with a strap on one end that bounces against your thigh and an even smaller remote.

“Baby,” you rush out, the sight of the tiny toy making your heart thunder in your chest. “We can look at it another time,” you try, hands coming up to brush against his face again. “Why don’t you finish off here?” you ask, a sickeningly sweet politeness dripping off your tongue as the knot in your tummy fades into the background of his attention.

Jungkook ignores you, picking up the remote with a wondrous look in his eyes. Before you can try to persuade him back between your legs, a quiet click cuts you off and the little bullet whirls to life. You yelp at the sudden vibrations against the inside of your thigh, so close to your throbbing core. The jump of your thighs has it falling onto the mattress below you, wide eyes snapping back to the smirk that grows on his face.

“No,” you say slowly, sitting back up, “no, no,” you try, your usual assertiveness melting into a whiny cry as you try to wiggle away from him and the nefarious ideas infesting his lust-addled mind. You’re barely turning, ready to make a run for it and hand him his victory by forfeit, when Jungkook is catching you by the waist. Your hips get pulled up, arms clawing uselessly at the sheets beneath you as he drags you close to him. He’s fast, already having moved onto his knees behind you, and when he yanks you up, you can feel every hot plane of his body aligned with your backside. “Kook, please just make me cum,” you gasp.

There’s a smile pressed against your shoulder, lips still wet from before, kissing along the side of your neck. “Look at my girl,” he murmurs, and you nearly jump out of your skin when something smooth is traced along your thigh. One hand slips beneath the material of your shirt, soothingly rubbing circled against your skin. This hand also holds the tiny remote between two fingers, and every nerve in your body is on edge waiting for it to be used. “Where’s that smartmouth now?”

“Jungkook,” you try to warn. But there’s no bite to your words, only an anticipation that grows the closer he moves that damned toy between your thighs. “Baby, we-we can play another time, okay? Just please—“

A soft click, and suddenly your spine is giving out on you, upper body flopping forward as Jungkook runs the vibrations over your clit. Of course Jungkook follows, never letting you slip far from his reach. A loud moan spills from your lips, lower lip wobbling at the unreal amounts of pleasure he bestows upon you with such a small toy. “W-Wait,” you sob, the coil from before suddenly magnified tenfold. It makes your orgasm loom over you bigger than ever, a wave that threatens to spill over and drown you in one go. “No-please.”

His mouth presses against your ear, hot breaths fanning against the skin there. “Hey pretty girl, does it feel good?” he husks out, kissing just below your ear. “Aw fuck,” he groans, something stiff pressing against the cleft between your cheeks, “can’t even see if you’re making that stupid face right now.”

You are, but you don’t even have the words to tell him that. The moment the vibrator had made contact with your already ravished clit, your eyes had rolled into the back of your head. You don’t doubt you look like those silly ads you’d laughed at earlier, mouth opening and closing every few seconds as he circles the toy around your bud. You settle on a high-pitched whimper that has Jungkook laughing meanly against your ear.

It ends too soon, the stimulation from Jungkook eating you out for a few minutes combining with the bullet to form a powerful duo that swallows you whole. An embarrassingly loud moan rips itself from your throat, hands twisting in the sheets beneath you as it washes over you. It’s so powerful, it blinds you, pussy spasming. Jungkook’s name is repeated about a thousand times in between, your body eventually melting back into the mattress as the final shocks run through you.

The vibrator clicks off just as quietly as it turned on, your harsh breaths filling the room in its place. “Good girl,” Jungkook praises, raining down a parade of kisses against your shoulder. You mewl in appreciation, still awkwardly shoving your face into the mattress, and your hips in the air. From the corner of your eyes, you watch him set the glistening toy off to the side, and you’re just about ready to thank the heavens for such an experience with your boyfriend, when said boyfriend hits you with a curveball.

The gentle pecks against yours shoulder dissolve into harsh kisses, rough hands trailing up your waist. The t-shirt gathers around his knuckles, pushed and pushed until he’s got those same hands cupping your breasts. “Did you like that?” he asks, biting down against your shoulder; the sensation is dulled by your shirt being in the way but it still makes you whine. You moan softly, nodding against the mattress as he gets to kneading your breasts over your bra. “Mm,” Jungkook sighs, “my pretty girl was so good for me, wasn’t she?”

Those deft fingers run back down, crawl beneath the elastic of your lounge bra and push it away until your breasts are bouncing out of their cage. “Kook,” you sigh, eyes fluttering shut as he traces circles around your nipples. “W-Wait,” you whimper, suddenly reminded of the swollen cock pressed against your backside when he leans closer.

“Shhh,” he soothes, tweaking your nipples. “Relax for me, sweetheart,” he coos, flicking your hardened nipples with his fingers. You can’t relax, not with your body still so sensitive and him playing with you. Still, the low intonation makes something soft and warm settle in your chest, the kisses against your jaw making your eyes fall shut. “That’s it,” he says, giving one nipple a playful twist that draws a high-pitched moan from you.

Just as you’re beginning to fall into the rhythm of Jungkook’s caresses and voice, he releases one breast to traverse his hand down and over your tummy, to your sensitive pussy. You gasp, biting down on your lip as he teasingly flicks your clit with his fingers. “Bet you could come again now,” he murmurs, taking the tip of your earlobe into his mouth and nibbling softly. You groan, shoving your face into the sheets as if that will save you from your doom. “Bet your pretty little pussy can cream itself just like this, isn’t that right, sweet girl?”

You whimper, hips bucking back against him when he begins nudging your bud, lewd sounds reaching your ears. His other hand remains on your breast, no longer toying with your nipple but simply holding it almost comfortingly. There’s a smirk pressed against your skin, that pearly white smile you usually adore so much teasing you as he circles your nub.

“Come on,” he encourages quietly, kissing up the column of your neck again. You moan, thighs quivering as he strokes a second orgasm out of you with no struggle. Your eyes and throat burn at the heat that washes over you, and you release a hoarse scream into the mattress— Jungkook chuckles at the sound, egging you on with that low voice until your muscles go limp a second time.

When he rolls you onto your stomach again, you try desperately to cover the tears that blur your vision, turning away from him like a child when he tries to look. “Crybaby, crybaby,” he sings teasingly, prying your hands away to capture your mouth with his for the first time that night. “Lemme see those tears, baby,” he purrs.

He tastes like you, tongue dripping with that sweet tang of your pussy, and he smells like you too. It strokes the flames of you ego, arms eventually wrapping around his shoulders as he settles above you. He pulls off with a curl of his tongue against your swollen lips, brown eyes lazily staring down at you. It’s embarrassing how well kept he still was compared to your half-nude state of dress. His skin is all glowy and pretty, not a single tear track in sight, and his grin is still too relaxed for your liking.

Jungkook’s body feels so warm and comforting against yours, muscles keeping the heat trapped between your bodies. You go to brush a hand through his hair, needing to feel the familiarity of those silky locks, before he’s suddenly leaning away. He shuffles onto his knees again, glancing down at your thoroughly abused cunt with a quirk in his brows.

“God,” you groan, knocking your foot against his side. “Just fuck me already,” you huff despite your earlier fatigue. You could only go so long without feeling Jungkook’s fat demon cock inside of you.

He snorts at your snappy tone, cutely tilting his head to the side to move his hair out of his face. His jaw looks sharp from this angle, facial features covered in shadows the lamplight behind him can’t touch. “Can’t,” he announces, and you could pull your hair out from all this unnecessary build up.

Truth to be told, you and Jungkook were both equally as unrestrained when it came to each other. Most of the time, the lead up to actual, penetrative, key-in-lock sex included a couple minutes of heavy petting from his end, and maybe a half assed handjob from you. Sometimes if you felt extra attentive, he’d eat you out and you'd him off. But for the most part, the two of you jumped straight into it after an orgasm, like horny teenagers despite the two of you being twenty-three now.

The most adventurous you’d ever gotten up until the point was maybe two orgasms bestowed upon you by a crazed Jungkook. And, well. You had hit two orgasms now. You were ready for his monster cock.

“Kook,” you whine childishly.

Jungkook shakes you off, placing a palm on both your knees. Slowly, he spreads your thighs apart again, eyes zeroed in on the glossy folds that come into view, the sparkling pearly cum that leaks out of your hole. “I can’t, baby,” he says, almost pained. “I gotta clean you up first,” he insists, and before you can tell him how counterproductive it is to lick you clean of your arousal before fucking you, he’s diving face first into your cunt.

But the biggest surprise doesn’t come from Jungkook going in for thirds, but from the hands he clasps around your thighs, the sheer strength he uses to roll you over (ignoring the shriek you let out) to sit you on his face. “No, no,” you yelp immediately, “I-I‘ll break you,” you cry, trying to escape from his hold.

From beneath your thighs, dark eyes peering up at you daringly, you can see the clear warning on Jungkook’s face. It’s a look that loudly says don’t you dare fucking move, shapely brows sending a jolt of genuine fear down your spine for a moment. “Jungkook,” you fret, trying to ignore the arousal that only continues to blossom as his tongue laps against your folds for the second time that night. “I’m, I’m,” you stammer, hands burying themselves in his hair as he ignores your cries. “I’ll break you,” you try again, spine arching when he slurps your clit into his mouth. “I-I’ll—“

He pulls off with a pop. “Fuck my face, baby,” he says, as if he hadn’t heard a single of your concerns at all. His nose nudges against your clit, a whimper catching in your throat. Briefly, his hand disappears from around your thigh, and when it returns, that tiny bullet vibrator from earlier is pressed against your thigh. “You got that?”

You nod, internally torn apart by your fear of crushing him and your need to drag your cunt all over your boyfriend’s handsome face. You glance down at him, watch him slip that vibrator into his mouth for just a second and lewdly coat it in his saliva, before he’s reaching around to shove it past your pussy lips. They’re still swollen and puffy, but have long since relaxed enough for him to slip it in. “B-But what if—“

“You won’t,” he cuts off, readjusting himself closer to your cunt again, “come on, pretty girl.”

The reason you think you and Jungkook click so well was because he was able to bring that vulnerable side out of you every now and then. He knew you liked to parade around with that huge superiority complex, and he loved it. But he also knew there were things you liked and disliked, and sometimes it took a little pushing for you to reveal them.

For a second, that horny cloud over his irises lifts, and he gives you one of those cute, sloppy winks as he taps your thigh gently. “Fuck my face, sweetheart,” he whispers, “drag that pretty cunt all over me until I can’t breathe.” A gasp catches in your throat, hands unconsciously curling against his scalp. He notices, and flashes you a lazy smirk. “You can do that, can’t you?”

Something akin to adoration blooms in your chest, and before you can blurt out something embarrassing—like I love you—there’s a soft click that has The Bullet Bestie revving up inside of you. You gasp, the sudden vibrations deep inside your pussy making your hips snap forward, clit rubbing against Jungkook’s nose.

“O-Oh,” you cry, and that’s all it takes for you to lose it. Your hips start off slow, at first just savoring the wet drag of his tongue against your lips, his nose against your clit. He sticks his tongue out for you, and part of you wants to tell him he’s a good boy, that corny hentai ad flashing in your mind, but you doubt you’ll survive the aftermath of that. Once you find that perfect pace, your hands are practically yanking at his hair, pushing him further into the mattress as you ride his face like he’s nothing but a toy. “Kook, Jungkook,” you pant, grinding your lower lips against his all too eager mouth.

It feels oddly weird being over him like this, using him like this. You like to think you and Jungkook have equal power in the bedroom, but you will admit that more often than not, he assumes control by default. You’re not particularly bothered by that, because you doubt you’d ever come up with the crazy ideas Jungkook did when he was horny (okay, a lie, because you definitely have thought of crazy sex schemes before).

But, this moment…

The power was quickly going to your head. “Fuck,” you sob, roughly dragging the length of your pussy over and over his face. The hands around your thighs are pressing against your skin with a strength that would hurt were you not blinded by arousal. His eyes are shut, lids fluttering open every now and then as he watches you buck wildly over his face like he was a pillow in high school and your parents were gone for the weekend.

It doesn’t help that the rhythmic pulses of the vibrator inside of you are doing their job well, the tongue that slips into your pussy joining together to form a powerful combination. It’s ultimately what has you halting your manic thrusts, instead falling into a slow grind over him. Your hips circle, eyes squeezed shut as you lose yourself in the lapping of his tongue against your dripping hole. “Mmmf,” you mewl, biting down on your lower lip as the wet muscle prods against a delicate spot within you. You hear feels light, view of the gorgeous man beneath you obstructed by the eyelids that can't seem to stay open. “N-No,” you cry, pulling his hair more roughly than you intended to in order to redirect him. “There, there,” you whimper, holding him tight against your pussy.

Beneath you, Jungkook exhales harshly against your lips, hands moving frantically over your thighs as he works his tongue inside of you alongside the bullet vibrator. If you weren’t so caught up in your own pleasure, all kinds of sounds spilling from your lips, you would have heard the quiet moans that fall from his. Alas.

It takes a few more pulses from the toy and a few more licks from Jungkook until you’re coming for the third time that night, features twisting up as your pussy clenches around his tongue before spilling down his mouth. Your back arches, a defeated moan escaping you as you release the same mess he’d claimed to clean up onto his lovely face. You can barely breathe afterwards, mouth dry and head dizzy when Jungkook finally pops back out from between your thighs. You barely have enough time to lift yourself up, pussy lightly brushing across his Adam’s apple as you stop yourself from crushing his windpipe. It makes you twitch.

“Good girl,” Jungkook praises with a cheeky smile that distracts you from the bullet toy he retrieves from your quivering cunt. His face is absolutely glistening from your arousal, skin warm and flush. He’s looking up at you like you’re some mythical goddess and he’s but a humble villager coming to pay his respects at the temple that is your body. Fuck, were you okay? You don’t think you’ve ever felt this good in your entire life, and Jungkook’s mushy gaze was doing things to your heart.

He presses a kiss against the inside of your thigh before helping you off of him, laughing meanly when you flop limply down beside him. He’s still fully clothed, a fact that irks you when he leans over to kiss you with that glossy face of his. “D��you like it?” he mumbles, kissing softly down your face. You nod, legs twitching from the aftermath of that wild ride. “I saw it, y’know,” he says suddenly.

“Saw what?” you mumble, mindlessly rolling your head to the side and exposing more skin when he begins kissing along your neck.

Jungkook says nothing, just rolls over you. Part of you thinks he’s crazy, but you’re suddenly hit with the realization that while Jungkook’s drawn three orgasms out of you in the course of an hour, you hadn’t done anything for him. Before you can dive head first into swallowing his cock, he’s kissing you softly. “That stupid face,” he smirks, slotting his mouth against yours. “That weird, now realistic face,” he tacks on.

You huff out a laugh, throwing your leg around his waist comfortably. Jungkook smiles, kisses you one last time before settling in your arms, face cutely pressed in between your boobs. “Hey,” you call, “don't you wanna cum too?”

He shakes his head, a soft sigh filling the air. “Nah,” he says, cuddles closer into you. “Rest now, baby.”

You roll your eyes. “I can feel your dick against my thigh,” you point out, wiggling your pelvis upward to brush against his throbbing erection. Jungkook holds you down in an effort to stop you. “Fuck me.”

He groans against your collarbone. “No, you’re tired,” he tries to convince you, but his skin is warm and flushed in the way it always gets when he’s riled up. “Sleep.”

With the leg around his hip, you pull him closer. “Fuck me, Jungkookie,” you purr, using the hands in his hair to turn his face up towards yours. His dark eyes are drawn down cutely, pouty lips too. “Use my body,” you suggest, “I’m yours anyway.”

His eyes flutter shut, a quiet whimper falling from his lips. “Don’t say that,” he sighs, “makes me wanna do very mean things to you.”

You smile. “You can do whatever you want to me, don’t you know that?” Another groan, his head falling forward until he’s hiding in your neck. Still, there’s movement from below, he sweats slipping down at his hips until that throbbing cock is pressed into the tiny crease where your thigh meets your pelvis. There’s a moment of hesitation, and you wonder if this is what he felt like earlier when he’d managed to get you to sit on his face. “Inside, Jungkookie,” you murmur, reaching down to line him up with your sensitive entrance. He whines softly, arms wrapping around you as he pulls you close. “Good boy.”

Despite your earlier belief that you’d never survive an encounter with Jungkook after using such a term on him, the result is much different from what you had anticipated. He visibly melts into your arms, cock slipping past your folds easily. “No,” he says, his voice feathery and whiny against your ear. “I can’t.”

You soothe a hand down his back, eyes fluttering shut as he begins slowly rutting against your swollen lips. “That’s it,” you encourage, tugging softly at his wavy hair. Jungkook moans wantonly against your neck, rolling his hips harshly against you until his arms are the only things keeping you from jostling out of his hold. “Do you like this pussy?” you ask, purposefully clenching around him, tummy tightening at the stimulation you keep packing on.

Jungkook shudders, pace growing slipping inside of you. “Yes,” he pants, “s-so wet… creamy.”

“Yeah?” you huff, pressing a smiley kiss against his forehead. “It’s yours.”

“Ffffuck,” Jungkook chokes, picking up his pace as his well-deserved orgasm reaches its peak. He’s breathing harshly now, and it’s taking everything in you to keep your pussy tight around him. But after the night he’d given you, the sounds and faces he pulled from you, it’s the least you can do. Besides, your body, after being so thoroughly pleased, still rears up for one final orgasm with him. “Mine,” he growls, bucking his hips into you. “You’re mine, baby, mine,” he seethes, ending his little tryst with a piston of his hips that makes you gasp, body almost unconsciously spasming around him. It’s painful, but so, so delicious how he manages to pull this last orgasm from you as he finally busts inside of you.

He comes with a stuttering garble of words, none of which you catch as he collapses into your hold for the final time that night. “Fuck,” he pants afterwards, leaning into your touch when he finally registers the soft combing of fingers through his hair. “That was evil.”

You laugh, pulling him closer. “As evil as you making me suffer through three orgasms before putting your dick in me?” you tease. Jungkook slips out of you, and you know it’ll be a hassle to clean your sheets tomorrow but it’s worth it.

“It’s called building the scene,” he weakly defends, blindly tugging the puffy blanket over the two of you. “I was gonna rhyme it with that horrible website you made me use but I already forgot it’s name.”

“Rude,” you snap, “it’s called KissAnime.”

“And fore-play,” he suddenly says, and you almost yank his eyeballs out of their sockets for doing that stupid thing again.

—

epilogue 

Two weeks later, your favorite website and home to hentai ads is shut down after years of piracy. Jungkook laughs at your demise, sits and actually cackles at your heartbreak, until he eventually comforts you with his flaming demon cock and a subscription to both Crunchyroll and Funimation. Doyeon spends weeks tracking down a missing package, apparently some freebie she’d gotten for being such an avid customer on Sexuality Unleashed: The Best Toys Worldwide! before eventually finding it in your drawer. And because her and Jungkook have some awkward life-long rivalry for your attention, he doesn’t pay for that. 

—

Copyright © 2020, 1kook on tumblr. absolutely NO reposts allowed.

[transpidergwen]

The Sex Lives of College Girls still prefers spectacle over substance

So, the Sex Lives of College Girls premiere episodes were okay. Nothing problematic, nothing impressive either. It still feels like something is missing. There’s not much of an overarching plot to tie events together and give it a sense of momentum, but it’s not episodic enough for each episode to have a coherent narrative purpose or resolution. Granted these are 2 episodes out of 10, but this was an issue I had last season as well. The episodes are feel less like a cohesive story and more like a collection of short, quippy scenes with the same pop music and wide shots of campus transitions 8 times in a row. It’s very flashy, but it feels more designed to keep us engaged with flashy editing rather than substantive storytelling.

As for the substance, the storylines they’ve set up for this season are fine so far but still feel like they’re missing an emotional depth. Part of this for me is the setting. As it was pointed out in the first five minutes, these characters (other than Kimberly) are extremely rich. That makes Kimberly’s storyline the closest thing to relatable so far, because they all feel so far removed from society that it’s hard to care at all about any day to day obstacles they encounter. That’s unfortunately a result of where the writers decided to set the show, so that might just be a permanent roadblock to my personal investment. Ymmv, that’s fine. But because of that, the big obstacle to the girl’s happiness that these episodes presents is that they...can’t party, and they’re sad about that. That just isn’t compelling for me.

There’s also the characters themselves, which I haven’t been able to connect with at all. The only characters that feel real are Eric and Canan, and for a show with four female leads that seems like a failure of writing. They’re the core of the show, but they still just feel like outlines of characters and not real people. More importantly, they barely feel like friends. They spend a lot of screentime together, but the way the show is paced and written hasn’t allowed them time to slow down and connect with each other. Aside from Kimberly and Leighton it doesn’t feel like they’ve bonded or grown together as a group. They just feel like four roommates who jump from set piece to set piece together. Which isn’t inherently a problem, but without an emotional underpinning that’s all it is, surface level spectacle and popcorn raunch.

The other thing that feels surface level is the way the show approaches “wokeness.” I hate that word because it’s blunt and diminutive of the wider progressive movement, but unfortunately that’s what the show has presented so far. Last season saw some actively harmful treatment of the queer community; the pick-me-gay girlfriend and the way the other girls at the women’s center were treated in-narrative as punchlines was part of a larger, worrisome pattern in how Hollywood has tried to present woke (specifically queer) characters. The show feels like a centrist’s vision of progressive. There’s constant dialogue that beats us over the head with the fact that THIS SHOW IS WOKE, but very little substance to actually back that claim up. Nothing in these premiere episodes felt actively harmful like season one, but with things like the same AOC joke Hollywood has been running for the last 5 years it doesn’t have anything new to say either. They’re trying to reclaim sex positivity, but the way the show revolves around it as if nothing else matters ends up feeling self defeating. In trying to reclaim the raunchy comedies that the guys have had for decades, it ends up feeling like we’re looking through the same lens just with a different presenter. The dialogue and presentation of the show spends too much time defining itself against the patriarchy, rather than leaving it behind and just telling its own story. 

And that might be a feature, not a bug, and I’m just looking for something that this show doesn’t intend on offering. But it has the potential to be more, and it’s just frustrating seeing that go unfulfilled.

and thanks to @the-bensolos for their help on this post!

[ilargeicontradictmiself]

So, twelve percent, lots of things happened

They're adorable lets start there

That intro scene was needed

I can't tell if the jealousy stuff is genuine or if they're just short of "doing couply things" or sth (im expecting and hoping that they're not actually that serious) (cake looooves to hear how special they are to each other and eiw reminding him was sweet yeah) i think if something actually bothered eiw , from the public affection stuff cake wouldn't do it, they know each other well enough i think and you can see how all the stuff that attributed to their fight becomes kind of a joke now , the tension has released i think.(take a shot every time i say i think)

I always love seeing cake talk about eiw to other people, he's just so casual with others and he brings his love and obsession into that so firmly but casually

The english was funny but im not judging what gets them on what i WILL JUDGE because THE ECLIPSE DID IT TOO: THESE BOYS HAVE VACANT HOMES, empty houses where they can go and do their thing and fOR SOME REASON bOth akkaye and eiwcake decide that THEY NEED COMPANY AROUND FOR THEIR FIRST TIMES, like babe, i get that shit happens and its realistic yeah but twice in a week is noticable and I just find it very funny that both shows waited for the ONE TIME that someone's around for their first sex scene.

I was thinking throughout the english and the whole episode really how eiw went from thinking about this stuff as something that will never happen to being showered with them, i love yous and kisses and all

The "you like girls", "i can be gay with you" was just because cake hasn't stopped to think about his sexuality beyond the fact that he liked rin and he loves eiw and im okay with that, im guessing (and maybe hoping a bit) that it's brought up again, for no other reason other than the fact that it just seems a little weird to go with the "its girls and him" thing the only ones that pulled it off for me were jackjanto and eiw probably feels it hanging over them a little bit sometimes

I too drank a lot last night and for a second eiw's little crazy "don't do drugs kids"thing worked,i am amazed, i actually felt my self thinking "yeah what the hell am i doing" wow

Friend groups in general, so nice and casual and just the right amounts of fun , love it

I needed a moment to let cake's feelings sink in, he threw me off with how he was last week and i was feeling a little defensive but it's not just that it's that we've seen eiw love and love and cake too but romantic love , romantic love so forceful and so huge so complete so all consuming, thinking about it makes me skip a breath or two they trully are each other's everything and there's SO MUCH love that comes with that. They really love everything about each other.

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

Oh so they picked the one song that makes me immediately tear up to end this episode huh. Cool. coolcoolcoolcoolcool

Okay, that aside -- some thoughts under the cut (watch it because I ended up writing a whole essay lmao).

I feel like this was the weakest episode so far, which is a pity, because it had a lot of potential.

Sophia's Chinese restaurant B-plot was funny enough (although the casual racism towards the Chinese has... aged poorly, let's say), and the 'teaching Oliver about the birds and the bees' C-plot was a good little way to fill some time, so I have no gripe with those.

The A-plot, however... Look, the premise was great; we've seen similar premises in TGG and they were handled very well. The start was great too!! The first couple of scenes, where Rose figures out what's going on with Vivian and then tells everyone about what happened to her mom -- those are great! I actually teared up! And we got to learn some new information about Rose that actually impacted my perspective on her character, so -- well done! Very good!

But then, it... lost steam? Sort of? I was gearing up for these big, emotional moments that just... never came. When TGG treated dementia, it did so with its usual modus operandi: a serious story for a serious theme, with a few well-placed jokes sparked in-between to enhance the sadness. When Blanche's mom tells her 'I thought Virginia was the slut!', you laugh, because it's funny; and then you see Blanche's face, you see the thousands of emotions it goes through in a split-second, and (although her answer is still funny) you know this is a serious moment you're watching. There's an emotional charge there that's kept up throughout the whole flashback and hits hard (and I'm sure I don't even have to talk about Sophia's run-in with Alzheimer's, do I?).

This time around, while Betty White's performance was stellar and subtle in all the right ways, it seemed as though the writers decided to turn the whole plot into pure humour right after the beginning. The emotional moments are played short (Rose changes her mind after one short talk with Blanche and Roland, for example) and the comedy is given first place (even Rose's reaction to the police taking 'Vivian' away is played for laughs, since we know that it's really Sophia that's being taken away). Rose has some serious emotional involvement in this whole affair and I feel like that just got... glossed over, after the first couple of scenes; all that emotional build-up was just left with nowhere to go.

It doesn't help that this is framed as a contrast between Rose and Roland. I know the girls have to interact with the new cast, and I welcome the idea of a Rose-Roland episode in general, but this premise just didn't work with that, I'm sorry. The Blanche-Roland plot in E2 worked because it made sense for both of them: Roland had an emotional involvement because he's been taking care of the hotel for years and Blanche was dismissing his expertise; Blanche had an emotional involvement because she feels personally responsible for the Girls' well-being (ie for the hotel's success) and Roland was (rightly) questioning her competence. It was a natural thing for them to clash on, and it worked very well in developing their relationship to each other.

In this case, however... on one side we have Rose, who reveals some information that is very personal and very emotionally charged to her and acts as a consequence of said information, and on the other side, we have:

Sophia, who has been in a home before and therefore knows how the whole experience feels from the other side;

Blanche, whose mother suffered from dementia and was in a home during the last years of her life;

Roland, who Rose has known for a few months at most and who acts as the voice of reason because... that's his role.

Ok, Roland has some serious concerns about the legality of it all, which is a good basis for how he acts in general -- but not a good enough basis to contrast him with Rose's position, not when there's two other characters she has a much stronger history with and who could bring their own history and emotions into the mix. I think Roland could have acted very well in a supportive role against Rose here, pointing out the legal/safety aspects of keeping Vivian around, but think of how much more powerful the episode would have been if Sophia or Blanche had been Rose's main counterpoint here! Blanche even goes off to talk to Rose alone at some point, which makes a lot of sense because they've been close friends for ages (and if someone can get through to Rose, it's her), and then... nothing comes from it. Instead, the role of changing Rose's position (and then consoling her) is given to Roland, who has no emotional connection to her yet (or, at least, not a solid one).

I don't know, maybe I'm just biased because I love the girls already and I'm still getting to know these new characters, but it feels absurd to me. If any of you have a different opinion, I'd love to hear it! Maybe you'll show me a different side of this episode I haven't considered! But as of now, this one's just disappointing to me.

It's time for The Golden Palace episode 4, everyone! Just to recap, we now live in a(n almost) Miles-free world, and I still have a shovel at the ready. This next episode is titled One Old Lady To Go and I don't really know what it's going to bring, so... let's dig in!

[mandareeboo]

SU Music Rankings

Bc I can and I wanna start some Disk Horse rip. These are all in order of preference, with explanations, etc. It’s a long bitch. That said, I’m not counting little short jingles or small joke songs like Little Butler. This is the meat and potatoes of SU music- just under 30 songs. I might do the rest if people like my takes lol.

I scored it mostly on three bases- how dear it was to my heart, how much/often I relisten to it, and also what it means to the plot. That said, little fun songs don’t automatically go farther down than big, plot-heavy songs either! It’s a strange little balance.

Special Note: I don’t dislike any of this music! I love SU and that includes its bumps and glitches. I just pick favorite children lol.

1.) Change

Was there ever a more Steven moment than when he wiped the blood off his face and kissed it into sparkles? I think not. 

If “Be Wherever You Are” is an ode to young Steven, then this is teen Steven’s. Talking about change, and how much and how little it can do. How he holds his arms up for Spinel to hug him, so trusting. How he seems able to just. Break into soft tears at will, and not to be manipulative- it’s just his kind nature. The warmth in his voice. Fuck yesssss.

2.) Change Your Mind

This song is only fifty five seconds and it’s EVERYTHING to me. It really felt like someone was speaking the words I’d always held deep inside of me, unsure of how to say. It feels like a goodbye to someone who never really loved me. 

As much as I enjoyed Future, if this was the finale of SU, I would’ve been perfectly okay with that.

3.) Drift Away

This song gave me legitimate shivers the first time I heard it, and it still haunts me to this day. Spinel stayed, and waited, and all she got was a transmission thousands of years later. Fuck.

4.) Here We Are In The Future

THE MOVIE IS SU AS ITS BEST AND I WON’T BE SWAYED ON IT. Steven being a teen who loves his weird family but is growing just a bit sarcastic to their drama. The adorable love he and Connie share. His slow realization that he will always be working, always have things to do, is both somber and real. The Crystal Gems won’t be safe with one epic battle. They’ll be safe with years of hard work and love. HIS LITTLE HANDSHAKE WITH AMETHYST.

This is a helluva bop and a great way to summarize the main character’s backstories.

5.) Let’s Only Think About Love

Did ya’ll know that Zach Callison killed his throat with that last note? He gave his all for this performance in a vocal range he no longer comfortably do and by god did it SHINE. The FLAIR. The FORESHADOWING. All of the Gems all being awkward about Rose and Steven trying to bring them to the present. Peridot having a mini-existential crisis in a cute yellow dress. I love Zach Callison’s normal singing voice but man is that a fucking bop. Nothing will ever beat it.

6.) Here Comes A Thought

This bad boy helped me out a LOT with some mental issues I was dealing with in high school. I was unmedicated, unsupervised, and full of anxiety. I’d have break downs when I tried to speak about certain things. I couldn’t function. This song inspired me. It helped me feel okay with my intrusive thoughts.

And the episode! -chef’s kiss-. Once again bringing up the morally gray area of training child soldiers. Connie expanding her social group. Steven’s trauma hauling ass in that second half. The ANIMATION. Stevonnie’s gorgeous singing voice. GOD yes.

7.) It’s Over Isn’t It?

Just barely squeaking above Stronger Than You, this ballad is everything gorgeous. The whole episode is. I think Mr. Greg stands in the top five of my episodes for the entire show. It even got nominated!

There’s just so much about this song that I love. The gentle melancholy of Pearl’s voice. How the crew had to redo the shots for this bit bc Deedee went so fucking hard. The hard cuts between Pearl, remembering the love of her life, and Steven, who has begun to feel like he took her away. I’d recommend this song to anyone, regardless of what they do or don’t know about SU, simply bc it tugs so many heartstrings of love, loss, and responsibility.

8.) Stronger Than You

Did you realize this episode aired SEVEN years ago? This bitch was what got me into SU! Hearing about Ruby and Sapphire made my little gay heart so happy inside, and then getting a whole song confirming that they were a couple, that their love powered the strongest Gem on the team? Aaaaaaaaa

To this DAY I get excited when I hear Estelle start singing. This song is timeless. This song will live in media history. God I fucking love this song.

9.) Other Friends

I’m not the biggest musical person, so I hadn’t heard of Sarah Stiles before her casting as Spinel, but JESUS CHRIST the lady went hard. She went SO fucking hard. Sarah Stiles started on 100 and somehow just kept CLIMBING. You can just hear the sheer manic energy building in her voice, the anger and resentment. 10/10 Sarah Stiles is a queen.

10.) Independent Together

This made the list entirely bc the crew was like “you’re gonna get a himbo ass Steven-Greg fusion singing with Opal while Garnet flies across the moon on Lion while floating” and I am forever thankful to them for it

11.) Who We Are

Bismuth deserved more songs. ‘Nuff said.

12.) Peace and Love (On the Planet Earth)

It Could’ve been Great is EASILY one of my favorite s2 episodes. I love the entire concept of this song. Of Steven making music to reflect how much Earth means to him and his family. Of him teaching Peridot some self-care. Also Peridot’s singing voice is really cute and squeaky. 

I know it’s silly, but I would’ve really enjoyed a flip around of this in Future! Like Peridot reminding Steven how much he loves music, that he needs to take time to relax for himself, maybe with a new verse or just a remix of the original song!

13.) Something Entirely New

I watched this episode as it aired, and I legitimately almost cried. I love Charlyne Yi’s voice so much ya’ll- her raspy, not perfect singing voice against Sapphire’s deep soothing lull is great.

And to have Ruby and Sapphire’s meeting be the way it was- for Ruby to bemoan Sapphire losing Homeworld, to being stuck with a single Ruby, while Sapphire is a noble who has always been taught everyone in her “caste” is vitally important (and has, in her own mind, taken that to mean every Gem, as she should) and how they come together and make each other happy. Good shit good shit.

14.) I’m Just a Comet

The fact that Greg’s music career never really blasted off pisses me off to this day bc Tom Scharpling’s voice is fucking BUTTER. Also the song really feels like a jab at his parents now that we know the kind of dynamic he had growing up. “This life in the stars if all I’ve ever known” is definitely him wiping away their existence after reminding them (and himself) the things they used to say about him.

15.) Do It For Her

This episode. This fucking episode. This episode got me permanently hooked on SU. I’d just binged season 1 and was kinda meh about it overall after the bop of Stronger Than You. “Oh,” I thought to myself, foolishly, “I’ll probably just casually watch this from time to time.”

Like three days later Sworn to the Sword aired and that was it. I was hooked! Pearl’s gentle training song turning darker and darker, Connie’s accompaniment from nervous to determined to fully into such a toxic mindset. The fact that SU had the BALLS to discuss the repercussions of training child soldiers, now and later. This episode was everything to me, STILL is everything to me.

Six years and well over 100 fanfics written later, I think it’s safe to say this show swallowed me whole and never let go.

16.) System/Boot.pearl_final(3)

I debated putting this on the list because it’s not anything crazy important, just a way to show things are Wrong, but I had to do it entirely bc Pearl is so damn SALTY.

Like telling us about the Gems makes sense, she felt like she was given a duty, but she went so damn petty. WHY is that Ruby alone. Gross. This Amethyst is a trash dump. Wtf are you people.

17.) Full Disclosure

This episode really feels like a turning point for SU. Before, the show had its dark moments- but now we’re in the thick of it, and it’s not going away. Full Disclosure felt like an rebuff to the idea of returning to any normal we’d established in season 1. Gems are actually a giant species now. Gems tried to kill us now. There’s this Yellow Diamond bitch who got namedropped. Something about a Cluster. 

The song itself is BALLER, with its ingenious use of Steven’s ringtone and photos as he tries to decide whether to clue in Connie on all this nonsense. Meanwhile we, the audience, already know damn well Connie about to yeet some common sense into him.

18.) What’s the Use of Feeling Blue?

I’mma admit it- I’m a Yellow Diamond stan. I’ve always loved her- her anger, her poise, her hardworking nature. I actively argued against the “Yellow Shattered Pink” theories back in the day. But, man, when this arc leaked? I got so overexcited I was too jittery to watch it for like two days. It’s easily my favorite arc of the series. The sheer alien nature of the zoo, the Famethyst, and absolutely Patti Lupone’s beautiful ballad. Goddamn. Yellow singing to Blue to try and help her regain her old status, the warble in her voice as she reminds Blue she misses Pink too, the movement of the bubbles as she talks about attack. It gives me shivers to this day. FUCK.

19.) Tower of Mistakes

This is, fun fact, that only SU song I have completely memorized. The story itself is kinda funny! See, we lost internet at my house for a solid 5 to 6 months when these episodes aired, so I only got a very brief window to view them all. But this was the first Amethyst song in a long while, and I didn’t want to forget it! So I keep replaying it in my head for ages. And that’s still definitely a thing.

Anyway will never not be sad that this entire song was about making it up to Garnet for Amethyst’s perceived slights with Sugilite (which was a two-way road), only for Garnet to pressure her into fusion later when pissed and never discuss it again bc Garnet probably never thought twice about it and Amethyst has the emotional openness of a clam that’s just been told its ugly. Helluva way to make someone feel like shit, G. Helluva way to bottle that shit, Ames.

20.) On the Run

I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Amethyst! Needed! More! Songs! 

The dichotomy between Steven’s play and Amethyst’s honest desire to run away from home is so well-done, especially when you consider a lot of Steven and Amethyst’s actions are playing together. The song is also near and dear to me simply bc it’s my favorite Amethyst episode to exist (well, maybe second to What’s Your Problem, but not by much). Moments like these are all the proof I need that they were right to fuse first.

21.) Be Wherever You Are

This tune really just feels like an ode to who Steven was as a kid. Trapped on an island with no way home, and he’s just happy to be with his friends. The stars are beautiful and not oppressive. Also that one animatic with Lars and the Off Colors playing in the Homeworld Kindergarten to this music was iconic and made this song get stuck in my head for a solid month.

22.) Familiar

I ADORE how the crew use bright neon colors to show how alien Homeworld can be. And Steven recognizing that the Diamonds treat him how the CGs used to, and how prepared he is to “fix” a broken family. It’s a soft, gentle tune about melancholy. Also the Pebbles are beautiful.

23.) Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart

Such a cute little love ballad, but every time I listen to it now I just imagine the heart attack Rose must’ve had at the line “And if we look out of place/Well, baby, that's okay/I'll drive us into outer space.” like there’s a Vietnam war flashback if I ever heard one

24.) What Can I Do?

I’m kind of neutral on this one? Rose and Greg both have great voices, but the song itself lacks many lyrics. I think it was definitely a good way to show Rose’s flaws in thinking.

Also, I’m shocked they managed cram that much vaguely sexual innuendo into two minutes, followed by how Not Hetereo that dance between Rose and Pearl was, and not get their asses chewed by it. You go guys.

25.) Cookie Cat

I love a lot of the vibes this song has. The lyrics are so damn prophetic, but they also sound like the kind of weird 90s commercials I grew up on. It’s been like two decades since I saw the Shirley Temple commercial but I’ll be damned if I don’t remember “Animals crackers in my soup! Monkey and rabbits loop-de-loop.”

26.) Giant Woman

I am. NOT the biggest fan of Steven’s original singing voice. I feel bad saying that, since it was just Zach Callison as a kid, but he never jived well with me for some reason. So I wouldn’t listen to this on the fly. 

The song itself is still really good though, with all sorts of fun animation of Amethyst and Pearl being bitchy to each other. It’s a bit sad in hindsight to see tiny Steven trying to get his moms to get along. Ahh, season 1.

27.) Strong in the Real Way

This song has SUCH a strong start. Pearl reflecting on Sugilite’s problems, but the show making sure to show us that Pearl’s lack of enthusiasm towards her also lends itself to jealousy as well as just general malaise. How much she cares about Steven, and wants him to grow up strong. 

And then Steven just kinda. Ruins it? I appreciate his enthusiasm for tryna bulk up but to take what was starting as such a rich, personal song and broadcasting it to random strangers just makes me a bit sad. Almost a bit angry on her behalf?

28.) That Distant Shore

I KNOW this is gonna create some discourse, but I’m just not the biggest Lapis stan. I love her voice. I love the visuals of the song. And I get why she felt afraid and needed to flee.

But Lapis never got to take responsibility for her own actions. And, in the end, the song feels hollow to me- because we all know she’ll never talk to anyone about it, know she’ll burst back in and destroy the barn, and no one will ever question it. I like Lapis a lot, but I feel like her arc never was fully finished. She never got help. She never learned to feel safe.

29.) Dear Old Dad

I’ve yet to meet a single human being who likes this episode tbh. There’s some great discussion about what kind of parent Greg is from it, and what kind of dynamic he has with the Gems that he felt he had to fake an injury to hang out with his son. Honestly the first half was fine and dandy. It’s just that then they Greg just went out of his way to drag Steven away from missions and such. It never jived well with his character before or after.

Also, is it just me, or does Zach himself sound like he hates the song as he sings it? There’s no passion or heart in his voice. It sounds like they told him to read off cue cards and he did. Tom Scharpling’s best attempts didn’t save this one for being a skipper. But the episode, unfortunately, isn’t, so it gets a spot on here.

[gallavictorious]

I saw your tags and I think you might need to write that fic of Ian and Mickey recreating their first time when Ian gets a tire iron. 🧐☺️

Okay, so this took me a hot minute, and I did it as a kind of speedwrite so it's rather short and not exactly thought out. I also went off (my own) script a little bit and it got unexpectedly sappy there for a moment... But! Have 1,4k very silly words of Ian and Mickey roleplaying their first proper get together because Mickey gave Ian a tire iron. I hope you enjoy it, dear one – thank you so much for the prompt! I had unexpected fun with it. ❤️

(Oh, and tags in questions are the ones on this post, so all credit to @jenatte for providing the original inspiration.)’

ETA: It’s on AO3 now too.

---

Ow. The fuck?

Reluctantly, Mickey blinked awake. The bright light suggested it was already near noon, but that wasn't what had woken it, that wasn't–

It came again: a hard poke to his back. Not the good kind, either, of Ian pressing his hard-on against Mickey's rear while they were snuggled close, but something cold and sharp. Insistent.

”What the fuck?” Mickey groaned, rolling over on his side and peering up at–

–his husband standing over him with... a fucking tire iron in his hands? Not just any tire iron either, but the one Mickey had gotten him as a gift for their anniversary as a mix of a joke, sentimentality and practicality; it was how they started, sure, and meaningful for it, but also a damn good thing to have, no home was complete without it. He thought that maybe Ian had overlooked the practial aspects, though, in favour of going a little misty-eyed before he started dropping half-assed quips about hard lenghts and Mickey had to roll his eyes and punch his husband in the arm a little bit.

Now Mickey's brow furrowed further as he tried to make sense of the scene. For a brief, terrifying moment, apprehension siezed his gut: was Ian having a manic episode, seeing enemies where there was none? But no; though he feigned a fearsome scowl, there was that glitter in Ian's eyes and a small quirk to his lips that spoke little of mania and everything of being a fucking dork and a tease.

”Give me the gun, Mickey,” he intoned, and Mickey was about to ask again what the hell and what fucking gun and maybe are you feeling okay man because perhaps Mickey didn't have quite as good a read on his husband as he thought he had–

–and then he got it, memory reasserting itself, and he could feel the fucking grin growing on his face quite of its own accord. He'd have felt stupid for not immediately catching on, but give him a fucking break, he'd been sleeping two seconds ago and his days of waking up with a start and ready to fight were slowly and thankfully becoming a thing of the past.

Ian's faux frown broke, as he was unable to contain an answering smile. He seemed inordinately pleased with himself, and with Mickey for getting it. Mickey would tell him he was a fucking idiot, but Ian looked so expectant that Mickey decided to play along instead. No harm in a little weird roleplay to make his husband happy, right?

Besides, it wasn't like Ian standing over him and looking vaguely threatening and very hot didn't do it for Mickey on several levels.

”Okay, fine,” he said, climbing to his feet while doing his very best to appear drowsy and uninterested. It had been instinctive back then, the plan of lulling the irate kid into a false sense of security before pouncing on him and kicking his teeth in for having the fucking gall to march into Mickey's room and demand things.

Mickey made a show of slowly turning towards the nightstand, just as he had all those years ago. He could feel Ian's eyes track his every movement, ready to react to the sneak attack he knew was coming. There'd be no taking him by surprise this time.

His face turned away and unseen, Mickey smiled. Or would it?

He grabbed hold of the bottle of lube on the table and spun around to throw it at Ian's head, took a quick step up and to the side, and as Ian gave a short yelp and involuntary raised his hands to protect his face, Mickey rushed him from the side to push him down on the bed. Ian went with a thud and an oof and Mickey didn't hesitate; he was on his husband in a second, straddling his chest and wrestling the tire iron from him grip.

”What the hell, Mick?” Ian demanded, not bothering to struggle but glaring up at Mickey with wide reproachful eyes. ”This isn't how it went!”

Mickey grinned. ”How it went is I kicked your scrawny ass,” he said smugly. ”Now, how am I gonna do that if you know which way I'm gonna move?”

”I was going to let you win!” Ian protested.

Mickey's eyebrows rose. ”Oh, you were gonna let me, huh?”

”Yeah,” Ian said slowly, eyes narrowing, ”I was going to let you.” And with that he grabbed hold of Mickey's arms and pushed him to the side while using his greater body weight as leverage to flip them around.

”Fucker,” Mickey spat, kicking at Ian's shins. He dropped the tire iron – not like he was actually going to hit Ian with it – to have both his hands free for a renewed assault on his sneaky little shit of a husband, but Ian had already wrapped his his stupidly big hands around Mickey's wrists and was pushing him down into the mattress, grinning triumphantly while Mickey struggled and squirmed beneath him.

”Guess I had a change of heart,” Ian said.

Mickey stilled, biting at his bottom lip as he considered. He was pretty sure he could still take Ian if he really wanted to, mostly on account of him being a ruthless motherfucker with no interest whatsoever in fighting fair. However, that required a level of playing dirty and pulling nasty jabs that went far beyond what he felt comfortable doing to his husband these days.

”Uh-huh, and what's the plan now, genius?” he demanded, opting for snark instead of violence.

Ian didn't answer. The look in his eyes had shifted from triumphant to something thoughtful, and softer.

”Do you think it'd have gone the same way if it'd been me on top of you instead of the other way around back then?” he wondered aloud.

Mickey made a face. It fucking figured that his sap of a husband would turn a promising round of foreplay into a game of sentimental what-if.

”I dunno,” he said, wriggling his hips a little to remind Ian that there were otherstuff they could be doing right now, stuff way more exciting than having a goddamn conversation. ”Does it fucking matter? It didn'thappen like that, and it never would have happened like that either, 'cause back then I didn't give a shit about fucking you up too bad, so I'd bashed your fucking brains out before letting get on top of me.”

He wanted to bite his tongue as soon as he'd said it, but it was too late: Ian's eyes had lit up and his thoughtful look transformed into a smirk. ”Well, I mean,” he drawled, leaning down to put his mouth to Mickey's neck, just for a moment, just a little bit of teeth in the brief touch.

”Fuck off,” Mickey said, but he was laughing. Ian's weight pinning him down was as exciting as it was annoying, as it was grounding.

Ian just hummed. He'd straightened again and was gazing down on Mickey with a look that was so damned fond it made a small blush work its way up Mickey's neck.

”I think we'd have ended up here anyway,” Ian decided. ”Somehow.”

”Oh yeah?”

”Yeah.”

Soft smiles then, as something warm and happy bloomed in Mickey's chest. For a moment, they just looked at each other, eyes resting on the face each of them knew best, loved best.

Ian let go of Mickey's wrist to put his hand on the side of his head, fingers tangling in Mickey's hair as Ian ran a thumb over his husband's cheek. He bent down again, but this time to capture Mickey's lips in a long, lingering kiss.

”I think I was always going to have you,” Ian murmured as they broke apart, forehead pressed against forehead.

A second later he yelped in surprised outrage as Mickey took advantage of his lapse in vigilance to grab hold of his hair and yank his head sharply to the side while pushing up to get Ian off him and halfway down onto the floor. Mickey followed him with a snicker, and off they went again, tousling and laughing and absolutely heedless of any noise they might make.

[bukojuiice]

the wedding booth  — eren jaeger

ೃ pairing: (eren jaeger x  fem! reader)

ೃ after being unwillingly dragged to plan and create a wedding booth for your first university festival, eren accompanies you to a bridal boutique. there, he contemplates about the future and all of the cheesy romantic stuff he wants to do with you.

ೃ genre and warnings: college au, lots and lots of fluff!

ೃ  my nav  →  my aot masterlist

ೃ 1k words

My Big Fat Greek Wedding, My Best Friend's Wedding, The Wedding Planner, Wedding Crashers... hell, even Mamma Mia.

If having to be forced to watch these romantic comedies about weddings doesn't give you the sudden urge to get hitched and run away to some tropical island, then you don't know what will.

For your very first uni fair at Shigashina University, your friends had proposed a Marriage booth. To be more specific, three of your friends did. Jean, Sasha, and Connie are the masterminds behind this stupid idea and it's all because of three things:

1. Jean is pining over Mikasa so so bad. So many years have passed and yet he still hasn't found a way to confess. And so, due to his pompous ass binge-watching stupid rom-coms recently, he thinks that if "fake dating" can bring two people together, then having a fake wedding with his unrequited crush of 12 years could finally make her fall for him too. He wants the booth to be as iconic as a wedding straight out of Las Vegas. Problem is, he's never been to Las Vegas, and his terribly unrealistic basis for wanting it to be as iconic as a "Las Vegas Wedding" is that one scene from The Hangover and that episode from Friends.

He was delusional and yet, he wanted to push through with this proposal no matter what. Nothing was going to stop him... not unless it was one of the three seniors whom you would be proposing this project to in the first place.

2. Sasha's goals are much normal. A bit odd, but still normal and not as desperate as Jean's. All she wants is to get Ymir, the captain of the school's soccer team to confess to Historia, the freshman Bio-Chemistry student who works part-time as a library assistant (and whom everyone secretly fawns over for. she's just that damn cute.) However, the real reason as to why she helped [rp[pse this stupid marriage booth to get them to finally confess to each other is anyone's guess.

3. Connie thinks he's gonna get clout from this. Rise up the university hierarchy perhaps? He's treating the entire festival like it's high school all over again. He prays that the marriage booth will become the hottest thing in the festival, then he'll instantly become that cool and bad-ass freshie whom everyone wants to be friends with. Either way, if the booth is going to be a success or not, you know for a fact he's never going to be a part of the "cool kids" (good lord, can you believe people still use that term in college?) and he's gonna be stuck with you and your other friends for the rest of the years to come.

It didn't take long before they finally finished their elaborate PowerPoint Presentation (despite Connie insisting that Powerpoint is boring) that they were going to pitch to three of the principal members of the student council. Namely, Erwin Smith, Levi Ackerman, and Hange Zoe.

It was gonna be an automatic no for Levi, obviously. Nothing could ever get past that man. But if they can somehow convince Erwin and most especially Hange to get on board with their stupid scheme, then the booth was good to go.

Now, here you are, in a bridal boutique. Purchasing some simple wedding dresses that will serve as your rent-a-dress service for the Marriage booth.

It wasn't originally a part of the plan. Not at all.

However, Hange would only approve of the project IF the wedding booth was going to be made into something more elaborate and memorable. They didn't want something as simple as printing out fake marriage contracts, cheap tulle fabric wedding veils, fake plastic bouquets, and wedding pictures that came out of a polaroid camera.

Oh no no no. They wanted it to be extravagant. The cream of the crop. The absolute bomb. The best booth at the festival.

Hange saw potential in the idea and with an approved budget by the student council, you could make anyone's wedding dreams come true.

 Fast forward to a week before the event, you are currently on a shopping spree with Armin, Mikasa, and your boyfriend, Eren (because Sasha insisted he had the right proportions for the rental groom outfits. She totally did not ask him to come along so that he can see you try on wedding gowns.) to buy supplies, props, decorations, and everything else needed.

"(Y/N), we'll meet you and Eren at the bridal boutique, okay?" Armin proclaims, looking at the time on his wristwatch and struggling to balance the shopping bags on his other hand.  Mikasa notices how much he's been struggling and offers to hold the bags for him.

"Sure! Don't forget about the list that Jean sent!" You shout back, turning to Eren as his fingers interlace with yours, making your merry way to the boutique whilst Armin and Mikasa go off the other direction.

"Don't get too excited." You joke, nudging Eren on the arm. "I'll just be trying on these dresses for the booth."

There's a particular glimmer in Eren's emerald eyes, chuckling at your quip. "Sheesh. Did you really have to remind me? Of course I know that. Besides, we're too young to even think about marriage right now. What's important is that I'm spending the best years of my life with you."

"Eren Grisha Jaeger, it is too damn early for you to make me a blushing pile of mess with your flirty comebacks." You deadpan, the heat rising up your cheeks as you try to hide your embarrassment from him.

The both of you laugh it off, shuffling into the store. The chiming bells of the shop door echo around the area as you look in awe at the luxurious dresses occupying every available space. The wafting smell of a vanilla pinecone scent and the soft sound of a sewing machine doing its work. There was a homey and rustic feel to this boutique that made you feel like you were sent back in time.

From great flouncy pieces adorned in layers of lace that rolled like ocean waves to more humble designs, albeit of the finest cloth.

This plethora of finery- reminds you strongly of the many genteel ladies depicted in those books and historic romances you used to read and watch. Like that of Pride and Prejudice or Sense and Sensibility.

Having the opportunity to enter a boutique such as this was a dream.

"Welcome! May I help you find anything?" A seamstress appears from the register. She looks at you from head to toe, as if trying to guess your measurements.

"W-we're looking for wedding dresses. Anything within the 200 to 300 dollar range? We don't need anything extra fancy, though! We'll just be needing them-"

Her eyes shift from you to Eren like she's suddenly a love coach, sizing the two of you up. "Yes, yes, young love! How sweet!" She chirps, breathing out a dreamy sigh. "Of course! For couples on a tight budget, we have-"

"We're looking for wedding dresses that can be used as costumes! Not too short and not too long either. W-we're not getting married or anything." You dismiss the seamstress with a wave of your hand. "I'm sorry if you thought of it that way..."

Although her shoulders visibly drop, the saleswoman still manages to smile. "Oh! I would like to apologize for assuming anything too!"

"Actually, mam, we do have plans sometime in the future." Eren grins cheekily, pulling you close to him. "Not today, of course, but we'll make sure to drop by in a few years!"

The saleslady's eyes lit up at Eren's vow. "Over here are some of our best-selling pieces! Ones that will certainly attract the eye of any groom!" She beckons you over to some mannequins lined up in the middle of the store, your gaze is drawn to the myriad of dresses on display as you walk throughout the space.

You turn back to Eren, studying him closely as he walks a few paces behind you, you thoughtfully wonder if the dresses you would pick out would match his taste.

She leads you to the back of the store to show the other garments and dresses embroidered with simplicity and yet elegance. You then pick two gowns up from their respective racks, satisfied with your purchase and making a beeline to the register to pay. However, the seamstress stops you from your tracks.

"How about this one, dear?"

You turn your attention to her, doe-eyed and curious as to what she was going to show you next.

"It is indeed a wedding dress, although not what you had asked for, the handsome young man did say something about your marriage plans. Perhaps this might help you visualize it? Give you an idea for the future, hm?" She hums wistfully, drawing your attention to the mannequin she placed in front of you. "It would be a shame if you left the boutique without trying anything on."

"(Y/N)?" You hear Eren's husky voice call out for you from the front of the store, "Armin just texted me. They can't find a specific prop in the crafts store so we might have to wait a bit longer for them."

"Okay! We can spare more time in the boutique, anyways." You answer back,  before turning your attention to the seamstress once more.

"Alright. I think I'll try it on then."

"Trying it on" turned out to be more than you had imagined. You thought you could just slip inside the dress and show it off. But nope. You needed a few adjustments to dress, adornments in your hair, and had to wear a wedding veil.

It was almost as if you were actually preparing to be wed.

"Good sir, your lovely missus is ready!" Yup, even the words of the seamstress made you feel like you were living in the 17th century right now. Did she really have to use such fancy words?

"Please, watch your step." The seamstress takes your hand and leads you out of the dressing room and right towards—

Eren who had been waiting in the shop proper.

"Doesn't she look beautiful?" She giggles, glancing at Eren for a response. "Well, I'll leave the two of you here first and bring the dresses you've chosen to the cash register first." In a wink, she's gone and had disappeared into the back almost before the words left her mouth.

The unfamiliar yet elegant garb makes you feel shy and the fact that Eren was gaping at you did not help at all. He was absolutely entranced by your beauty.

You unconsciously lower your head, tucking a strand of hair beneath your ear, unable to bear the thought.

"God, you're not just beautiful. Y-you look breathtaking."

He says in a barely audible whisper, pulling you to him once more.

Placing his hands on your waist, Eren plants a soft, tender kiss on your chest, the low-cut dress affording it easily. In a heartbeat, you feel your cheeks grow hot.

"Heh. Guess I got you again." He grins wolfishly, still admiring your beauty and tracing circles on the back of your hand. "I-I don't deserve you... I really don't."

"If you didn't deserve me, would you be here right now?" You say jokingly, raising your eyebrow.

"I mean it." He buries his face on the hem of your dress, his voice is muffled and soothing. "I can't believe you chose to love me." He looks up at you, eyes practically welling up with tears. "God, I honestly can't believe I'm crying right now, but, yeah... I am. That's how much I love you and how much I want to marry you right now."

You giggle at the expression your boyfriend has shown before you, stroking his hair and burying your fingers into his long brunette locks. "I love you too. But... why so sudden? You already told the saleswoman that we'll be back in a few years. She'd be surprised to hear you change your mind so easily."

"Well, if that's the case, then I better tell Jean to have us first on the list of the wedding booth then. We worked our asses off for this, might as well be the first to be blessed with the luck of that stupid booth."

You giggle once more as he continues to hold you so close. You feel his breath and his heartbeat. Each exhale and pulse brings you to the realization that Eren is the one. The man you want to be with for the rest of your life. The man who will help you through all your faults and mistakes, your burdens and troubles, through all the ups and downs... he will be there.

Just as you will be for him.

Guess those stupid movies centered around weddings weren’t so bad after all

.taglist: @crapimahuman​