#okay it's more like 1.25 but still

[jaggededges123]

i still have 1.5 fics left to write before starting htn... maybe i'll give daily updates lmfao

[quack-quack-snacks]

Time Will Tell - Chapter 1.25

My Time Will Tell Masterlist

My Cha Hyun-su Masterlist

My Navigation and Masterlist

The Time Will Tell Glossary

Warnings: Short description of wounds, that's pretty much it. Word Count: 1,469 Author's Note: Dudes i might need to start reusing gifs there are like none from season 1 omg.

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Eun-yu and Yu-ri were both sitting beside you when you woke up, covered in different clothes and bandages on your hand and waist. 

But not Hyun-su.

It made you a little disappointed but you decided not to dwell on it as Yu-ri started to summarize your medical report. 

“The cut on your side isn’t too deep so I was able to glue it together with some tissue adhesive and you won’t need stitches, but it bled a lot before we were able to stop it. That, mixed with exhaustion and most likely the large bruise on your back, is the main reason I think you passed out. I’d suggest not moving around too aggressively but walking should be okay.”

You nodded along in silence, thanking her when she was done and she left.

“Is Hyun-su okay?” You asked Eun-yu after a minute. It was then you noticed she looked dangerously close to crying as her eyes were staring at your side during the entire time Yu-ri was speaking. 

She scoffed lightly and glared at you, wiping at her eyes before the tears could fall. “That’s really what you’re asking? Why not focus on yourself for a bit, would you?” She scolded but sighed when your gaze was unwavering. “He’s fine. He’s around somewhere.”

The sound of desperate and angry screaming interrupted you before you could speak and both of your eyes went towards the entrance of the nursery. 

With a shared worried glance between the two of you, she helped you up and with your arm around her shoulders the two of you walked towards the noise where a crowd had formed. 

“-and more importantly, take care of yourself,” you heard quietly as you got closer. Your face brightened to a smile when you saw Hyun-su standing next to both of your little siblings.

You - and the girl holding you up by extent - stopped a few feet behind everyone. It was then you saw Mr. An kneeling in front of Seung-wan who looked like he’d been thrown to the floor. Just as he began to rise, Eun-hyuk spoke up to your left.

“Meeting in the nursery room. 10 minutes.”

You groaned in annoyment at having to walk back to the place you just came from, and it seemed to capture everyone’s attention again because they turned around to look at you. 

“You’re awake,” Eun-hyuk said. His face remained blank but you could hear the relief that slipped through with his words. You nodded at him with a grimace of a smile. 

“Unnie!” "Noona!" Su-yeong and Yeong-su both shouted at the same time. You watched the smiles grow on their faces as they started barrelling towards you. Su-yeong luckily caught Yeong-su’s arm before he could crash into you and hug you too tight while you were still injured. 

You unhooked your arm from around Eun-yu’s shoulders and held them open for the nine and six year olds. “Just be gentle, yeah?” You told them and they stepped forward tentatively, Yeong-su wrapping his arms around your legs and Su-yeong wrapping hers around your waist. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that her hand was directly pressing against your wound and making pain shoot throughout your entire torso, despite how light her touch was. Instead, you just gritted your teeth and returned the hug they gave you. 

Once they pulled away, the pain dissipated and you smiled at them. “You go ahead, I’ll meet you in the nursery, yeah?”

They nodded and ran off with Jin-ok not far behind them. You turned around, preparing to ask Eun-yu to help you go back but instead seeing Hyun-su several feet closer than he was before. He stood less than three feet away and scanned over your body with a distressed look on his face. You shot a reassuring glance over at Eun-yu who looked at you worriedly before huffing and walking off with the rest of the group as they passed by. 

“Could you help me get back, Cha Hyun-su?” You requested, really hoping he would say yes since your other option of help just walked off at your quiet plea. 

His eyes shot back up to your face and he nodded, gently maneuvering your arm over his shoulders so he could help you hobble along. It was less of helping you and more of completely carrying your weight with his supernatural strength. He might as well have been carrying you bridal style, but you didn’t think either of you could’ve handled that level of closeness. 

The two of you walked back to the nursery in silence, each of your cheeks burning. You were the last ones to get back, obviously, and once Eun-yu saw you at the entrance she sprung up. Hyun-su reluctantly handed you off to her and she helped situate you down on the bench she was originally sitting on before sitting herself beside you. You shared a look with the messy haired boy and a glint of a smile casted on his lips before he walked over to the seat behind you, waiting for Eun-hyuk to start talking. 

The boy in question had been drawing a blueprint of the plan he was about to explain on the blackboard behind him before he turned around. “We need… to venture outside. We only have five days worth of food. We’ll search the nearest convenience store first.”

“Isn’t it too dangerous?” Jae-heon asked from his spot leaning against the pillar. It was the first time you noticed him wearing a sling for his arm. 

“We’ve been preparing,” Eun-hyuk tried to put him at ease. “Mr. An scouted out the area, and Mr. Han is working on the car.”

“Hang on there, four-eyes,” Byeong-il interrupted worriedly. “Who’s going, then? Are we going to draw straws?”

Everyone looked around anxiously at his words, also worried about the deciding process. 

“It’s an important mission. Those most likely to succeed will go.”

You scoffed but couldn’t be surprised when a few residents tried to subtly look at Hyun-su. It annoyed you that they were still using him despite ‘setting him free’ but you also knew he probably would have volunteered if it wasn’t already a given that he was going. 

If you thought Eun-hyuk would have disagreed with you going with them before, you knew he’d completely veto the idea now with you being hurt. Not to mention, Hyun-su would probably be on his side with you staying behind no matter what the state of your health was in. 

But you would have joined them in a heartbeat if you could. 

The next day passed by quickly, especially since you slept for most of it. Your body was exhausted with it still fighting to regain the blood it lost from the most recent monster attack. 

You hadn’t even figured out Ji-su was sick until barely 15 minutes before the team left to get the materials needed for Eun-hyuk to perform the surgery.

“Appendicitis?” You asked incredulously. Hyun-su nodded. 

“We’re leaving soon to get everything Eun-hyuk needs,” He explained and it was then you realized just how long you really slept. 

“You don’t think there’s any way I can convince Eun-hyuk to let me come with you, is there?” You tried to joke. 

In a way that made your heart swell up with pride at being the cause, he laughed under his breath. “Even if there was, I don’t think I’d tell you,” he answered honestly. 

“Damn. I feel so betrayed. I thought we were friends Hyun-su,” you playfully acted offended. 

He seemed to sober up when you said that, looking at you with an intensely serious look. “We’re friends?”

Your heart broke as his eyes scanned your face, looking for any sign of trickery or deception. 

There wasn’t any. 

“Of course, we’re friends, Hyun-su. I… I care about you a lot.”

Coward. 

His face softened at that and the small smile returned. “T-thank you.”

You lightly pushed at his shoulder. “Don’t thank me for being your friend, idiot. You’re easy to like, so be nicer to yourself, okay?”

He seemed surprised but wasn’t able to reply when Eun-hyuk, Sang-wook, and Yu-ri all appeared in the doorway. “It’s time,” he told him, shooting you a glance and a nod before heading towards the basement. 

“I have to go,” Hyun-su said quietly with a solemn tone, a frown slowly tugging at his lips. 

“I know,” you told him just as quietly. “Just come back to us in one piece, okay?”

He nodded but kept quiet, and you could tell he didn’t want to make any promises he wouldn’t be able to keep. Then, with a short and final glance over his shoulder, he followed after the group. You watched him until he walked completely out of sight and sighed. 

“Please come back to me safely, Cha Hyun-su.”

~

taglist :)

@hyeon-yi

@haowonbins

@mythical-mushrooms13

@visualconcern

[heretherebedork]

*4Minute spoilers if you haven't watched*

I think I'm just going to have to accept that the Sammon X BOC shows just aren't working for me. I really liked MOD, and I really appreciate what Sammon brings to BL. We're still really lacking in genre variety and adult centered shows, and I like how she's committed to bringing something more medical/mysterious.

But the BOC shows have really just drifted too far from what I'm looking for in a BL I guess. I like darker shows, but the ending of DFF (which was that even BL?) and 4minute are just too heavy on themes and mystery for me. I guess actually it just feels too artsy for me - like it's purposely being ambiguous. And that's fine, it's just that it feels out of place in what I think of and want in a BL.

The ending of 4minute just isn't what I wanted. Any plot issues aside, I am just not enjoying the couples dying together all the time trope. Even if it was unrealistic, I just want Tonkla to run away with one of these men (or by himself I guess if we must).

Yay, spoilers! (I haven't watched but I also don't care.)

Anyway, yeah.

I admit it. BOC? Not my vibes. Like, at all.

I have not yet enjoyed a BOC show. Just... genuinely? Have not. I've enjoyed some small parts but never the entire thing and never most of them.

And that's okay!

Everyone has their taste and if people can stop jiving with GMMTV or not find themselves enjoying Mandee or not wanting to see another Dee Hup or whatever then some of us can just not vibes with BOC.

Frankly, BOC isn't making BL. They're making Artsy Queer Shows.

Which, sure, go for it! Why not? We need them, no denials, we always need artsy queer shows and that's great. Please, make more! Go for it!

But BL? Ehhhh, I'd argue that BL is a romance driven genre and that they way they lean into the shows doesn't lean into BL itself and that's okay! Honest, it is! Queer shows like this are important.

They're just not my taste. And I hope that's okay.

(Sorry, BOC fans scare me. Seriously.)

But anyway yeah dying together is not my idea of an ending I want. Can't wait to watch it. Hmmm. I should 1.25 speed it, probably.

I am especially sad that Tonkla didn't get away with everything. That man deserved all his gay wrongs in the world!

And, just in case people wanna say this is a bad take because Great obviously regretted it and wanted to make up for his mistakes. That's not it at all. Great did regret the shitty things he did and that's fine but Tonkla deserved to murder people. He did. And he still does. He deserved to murder and run away and live freely and build a new life. He was the only one I even remotely cared about.

But anyway! There's nothing wrong with dislike a production company or style of show. That's okay! It's always okay to dislike or like something differently.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

It was profoundly satisfying to watch Taylor turn the whole 'this fight was over the moment we came in' bit on Armsmaster.

Now, I don't actually think Armsmaster refusing to trust Taylor here was unreasonable. Like, he really should have been more willing to hear her out in 3.5, and I think Taylor could have mentioned the obscene amount of money their boss was paying for this job (because seriously, a villain willing to pay 1.25 million just to 'embarrass' the Protectorate and Wards? That speaks to both resources and a long-term plan aimed at undermining the Protectorate), but while Armsmaster's helmet can verify truth and lies, it doesn't verify self-deception (one assumes) and he can only justify giving Taylor so much rope to commit crimes.

On the other hand, when you think about it, the attack on Fossberg Gallery is barely a crime?

Like, some property damage - okay, more than some - and a lot of terrorized civilians and somewhat injured heroes and some lightly injured Wards (they were containment foamed pretty quickly), but it sounds like Armsmaster was the most badly hurt of the whole lot, and he's obviously going to be fine.

They didn't even steal from the fundraiser or the guests. Partly because they didn't need to, and partly because it would have gotten in the way of the job, but still.

But still, I do understand why Armsmaster is not willing to give Taylor more slack here. Some of it is definitely his 'I'm The Protagonist' Energy, sure, but I mean... there are rules around these sorts of things. And Taylor had promised results a while ago. And again, he can't just cut her infinite license to do criminal stuff.

Even if, really, on the scale of crimes, this barely is. This really is the cops and robbers shit.

[lilyblackdrawside]

Inam - 6-Star Lord Guard

Elite 2, Level 90 Stats

2650 HP 701 Atk 380 Def 10 Res 70s Redeploy Time 20 DP Cost 2 Block 1.3s Attack Interval

Trust Boni

+400 Hp +70 Atk

Potential Boni

2 Deployment Cost -1 3 Redeployment Cooldown -4s 4 +200 HP 5 +27 Def 6 Deployment Cost -1

Talent 1 Maximize Available Assets When deployed, increases the SP recovery rate of all Vanguards by +0.2~0.4/second (only the highest effect of this type takes place) and all Vanguard Operators’ Def +10%~20%

Talent 2 Acquire Knowledge Gains +3% HP for each Vanguard, Guard, Defender and Sniper in the squad and +3 Res for each Caster, Medic, Supporter and Specialist in the squad

Rank 7/Mastery 3

Skill 1

Wicked Chop On-Attack Charge, Auto 3 SP, 0 Initial SP

The next melee attack deals 400/460% atk pure damage over 4s to the target.

Skill 2

Great Chief’s Show of Artistry On-Attack Charge, Manual 20/15 SP, 7/10 Initial SP, 16s Duration

Gain +50/80%Atk, Attack interval halved. Attacks leave a stacking mark on the target that inflicts -3/4% movement speed and -3/4 aspd per stack. One second before skill ends, the mark is removed and deals 80/110% atk physical damage per stack to the target.

Skill 3

Power of Money Automatic Charge, Manual

35/30 SP, 0 Initial SP

Consume all currently held DP to gain permanent, stacking buffs to Atk, ASPD and Phys/Arts damage reduction. +7/10% Atk, +7/10 aspd, +1/1.25% Phys/Arts damage reduction per 20 DP. If used at >=99 DP, refunds 50% SP.

Base Skill 1 Great Chief’s Coordination When stationed in a Trading Post, sets order acquisition efficiency of other Sargon operators, Gavial and Gavial the Invincible to 0 and then increases it to +35%.

Base Skill 2 Lead by Example Gains +10% order acquisition efficiency per other Sargon Operator stationed in trading posts, up to +50%.

The theme here is being a Lord Guard who doesn't do any Arts damage that she would have above average basic tankiness just through her stats. She's still not tanky-tanky, but within her subclass she's quite sturdy. She can then leverage her defensive bases by using her very strong S1 or with S3 (I'll go more into S3 in a bit). I also worked her background into the whole thing a bit.

Initially I had S1 modular with it letting her ranged attacks ricochet if she uses it not in melee, but I think this is better. It's more interesting and could incentivize different positioning. I made the dot pure damage because that's funny.

S2 is more for ranged play and designed to take down elites and bosses. It's very straightforward to use, even if it might look a bit complicated. Activate it and she goes nuts on whoever is the closest in her range and when it's about to time out her target is vaporized. I made the stats up with around 20 attacks within 15 seconds in mind. With just the halved attack delay she actually manages just above 24, but the slowing effects shouldn't be too harsh, since by the time they're stacked that high, the skill is about to expire anyway. Would be mildly busted in Integrated Strategies if you get enough aspd and stack -100% move and aspd onto an enemy, but that's okay. Don't worry about it.

Okay, S3. So that's the meme skill. It's the one you make funny videos with. Yes, she can reach 100% Phys and Arts resist. It costs 1600 DP, up to 2000 if you also go for the SP discounts. At that point she also has +800% ATK and +800 ASPD. (7 attacks/s) The earliest you could get this, going just by pure SP is after five and a half minutes. Of course you also need to generate the required 2000 DP + however much you need to deploy your operators within that time. Stages don't tend to last that long, but if you want, you can also give her some form of SP charge and go for it. Something like Ptilopsis, Warfarin, Inam, Myrtle, Elysium, Saileach and the next six best DP generators. Probably a bunch of Pioneers, I don't know. Might be problematic in Annihilation I guess, but nobody's looking.

Anyway, this was fun. I was going to do a full fake operator sheet but Krita krashed and I lost Kritacal progress so this is what I got.

[sundaysstrawberrykombucha]

I did a thing! Still a bit of a continuation from my last one.

(Sketch, charcoal and some slight colored pencil: 1.25 hours)

Yea, so, had an idea of having to spray some thugs in my head for a while, but haven't really had the energy to actually draw it out. the last pose took SO LONG TO FIGURE OUT! I really wanted to make it look like Sunday was really trying to book it... Don't think I hit it, but I'm still proud of it.

Also, pulled out the charcoal because night scene, and I think charcoal gives that very good "it's nighttime" vibe.

But yea, Sunday sprayed some thugs and is looking for some sketchy guys office in the middle of the night! Here's hoping I continue to have energy to keep this up!

SKUNK FACT!!: So a skunks iconic scent is made up of organic sulfur-containing... Stuff... If you've ever smelled sulfur, you might already have a general idea of what it smells like. A mix of rotten cabbage and bad eggs is the general description.

Skunks can also make a good deal of this stuff! up to two teaspoons worth! Okay... maybe that's doesn't sound like a lot, but considering that you can smell it in the air when there's a concentration of it as low as one part per BILLION (apparently that's like a roll of toilet paper stretching from New York to London... But that's an internet fact I found... So take that with a grain of salt.) Yea, the stuff is POTENT!

I have never actually SMELLED a skunks scent. This is both fortunate, but a little unfortunate because I don't have personal experience with the stuff... So here is what others have described the smell as!

--"The spray smells like an unholy combination or rotten onions and burned rubber." --"Cross between something rotting and ammonia." --"It doesn't make you want to vomit or even gag, but it is not a scent anyone would choose to smell. Very pungent." --"Skunk spray smells like natural gas, only about 100 times more potent. It's somewhere along the rotten egg, over potent garlic, and has a strange metallic component too." -- And this one is, apparently, from David Letterman "it's not the worst thing you've ever smelled, but it's definitely the most thing you've ever smelled"

So yea! Skunks! Spray smell bad!

[kolbisneat]

MONTHLY MEDIA: March 2023

It’s getting nicer out but I’m still spending plenty of time indoors watching and reading things, don’t you worry.

……….FILM……….

Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (2018) It’s been years since I’ve gone back to this and it really is one of the best superhero movies ever made, right? I hope the next one succeeds and it leads to more animated features. It just...you can do so much more. Sure the live-action superhero movies have a lot of animation but they’re bound by our physics and the uncanny valley and it’s just not the same.

……….TELEVISION……….

Ted Lasso (Episode 3.01 to 3.03) Glad to be back. It’s been interesting seeing the online rise, then fall, then rise again of support for this show but honestly, who cares? Do you like watching it? Great. Do I like watching it? Absolutely. It’s a project that was planned from season 1 and it shows and I wish more media was approached in this way.

Spy x Family (Episode 1.08 to 1.25) Okay needed to shift my expectations with this one. I really thought we’d get more of Yor and her assassin life. She’s kinda just a background character to Loid and Anya and that feels like a missed opportunity.

The Great (Episode 2.09 to 2.10) Great cap to the season. Full arcs for characters, a satisfying resolution and yet still enough of a hook to get me excited for the third season. Just some gorgeous, funny, dramatic television. Big fan.

……….YOUTUBE……….

Why everything you buy is worse now and How America’s richest donate their money by Vox Okay the first one really helped explain why stuff seems to be lower quality and it’s not just “better back in my day” sorta stuff. It’s just chasing that elusive profit, you know? And seeing the stats on how the wealthy donate was eye-opening. Taxes seem good. VIDEO (Worse Now) VIDEO (Richest Donations)

AI and Image Generation (Everything is a Remix Part 4) by Kirby Ferguson I’ve always appreciated the Everything is a Remix series and this only reinforces that. A measured response to AI image generation and what that means, why it’s flawed, and what happens next. VIDEO THE FULL PROJECT

What Does Glass Onion Have to Do with US? by Vivian Strange Okay a lengthy one but worth it. A new perspective on Glass Onion, a refresher on why I really liked US, and a really great connection between the two. Also a really great breakdown of the murder mystery as a genre as well and why it’s having a resurgence. All around great stuff. VIDEO

……….READING……….

Arabian Nights (Companion Library Edition) (Page 124 of 244) Thrifted this and for some reason never knew it was a collection of short stories? Which seems obvious now. Anyway I’m sooooo slow at really short story collections but they’ve been interesting to read. Something about the translation feels like a slog to actually read but the stories included are a lot of fun. 

Wonderland Revisited and the Games Alice Played There by Keith Sheppard (Complete) I’m super picky when it comes to adaptations of Carroll’s works. Many take Wonderland and make it dark, twisted, and mature (meh) but I find the more interesting take is one that continues with the same momentum. This one doesn’t quite work in capturing the spirit of the original books for me but there’s a lot of really great ideas in here.

Superman for all Seasons by Jeph Loeb & Tim Sale (Complete) Having loved their Batman books I picked this up and, being younger and dumber, didn’t like it at the time. Where was the action? Where were the villains? I was naive. Going back to this I really appreciate the study of Superman, the narrative through the supporting cast, and the struggles that can’t be resolved through punching. Man Loeb & Sale were a team.

Fantastic Four: Full Circle by Alex Ross (Complete) As an one-off story, this delivers everything I’d want out of an FF adventure: group banter, weird worlds, and lots of mumbo jumbo science. Plus I mean the artwork is truly humbling. I had to read it twice and I still only 80% understand it all but that’s not a complaint. Totally worth picking up if you have even a passing interest in the Fantastic Four.

Ultimate Spider-Man Volume 5 & 6 by by Brian Michael Bendis, Mark Bagley, and more  (Complete) Decided to pick up with my reread of the Ultimate Spider-Man series again and woof I forgot how much I didn’t like volume 5. The first half is an Ultimates story that I STILL find too wordy, and the movie tie-in of the second half never quite clicked. I dunno maybe there are too many losses and not enough wins for Parker in this one? Volume 6, however, is great. It has one of the most frustrating deaths in the series but it really explores the aftermath and impact. And introducing Johnny Storm and using him as the reason Spider-Man gets back into the hero stuff is really great. Spider-Man doesn’t need to solve all problems with punches and this book gets that.

……….AUDIO……….

Wild Planet by The B-52s (1980) After listening to a greatest hits album on repeat as a kid, I’m going back to the early stuff. Can’t get Private Idaho out of my head.

FREE I.H.: This Is Not the One You've Been Waiting For by Illuminati Hotties (2020) They always pop up in lists when I search for “more stuff like Sleigh Bells” but it finally clicked for me after listening to content//bedtime. Love this album.

……….GAMING……….

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) Whoa okay so my weekly group just fled the land of the Fairies after some drama with the Queen of the realm (you can read about it here) and then my Mof1 game ALSO had some Fairy drama involving the Queen. Apparently she’s a dramatic lady.

And that’s it. See you in April!

[apprenticestanheight]

Ko-Fi + commissions

okay--I just wanna open this up by saying you absolutely do not need to send me money! I've been writing for something like five years now and will keep writing stuff that wasn't commissioned. Writing has never been an income based hobby for me and even after my commissions close, I will still actively write stuff that wasn't commissioned.

There is a benefit to this, though! If you request something through my Ko-Fi, your request will get first priority over everything in my inbox!

The post is super long below this, so commission details are going to be below the cut! Pre-emptively, though, you can find the link to my ko-fi here!

All right!! To keep things pretty well rounded, commissions will be priced as follows:

every 1k words is gonna be priced at $5 CAD!! That also means I had to do math so for smaller stuff-- 500 words will be $2.50 CAD, 1.5k words will be $7.50, so on and so forth! just think about it like this--every 500 words is $2.50, which means that every word is 0.005 cents! This goes for all fic genres with the exception of smut, the reason for which is explained below.

The most I'll write is 5k words for one fic, and that would cost you $25 CAD.

Smut is different but not by much--smut is more time intensive to me because the motivation for smut strikes like, once or twice a month so writing it when the motivation isn't there as much as it could be will just cost a teeny tiny bit more.

The difference isn't that big, though! 1k words of a smut fic will put you out $5.50 CAD. 500 words of smut is $2.75, 1.5k words of smut is $8.25 and so on and so forth! The same goes with smut as it does for any other genre--the most I am willing to write for a smut fic will amount to a total of 5k words, which will cost you $27.50. If you want me to write something longer than that, a price can be negotiated.

it's the christmas season though and I have been writing for adam and hoffman on a preeeeettttttttty consistent basis! There are characters I haven't really really written for a ton in terms of the saw fandom so I am doing discounts on pieces for those characters. I also still wholeheartedly love Mike Schmidt and don't write for him even CLOSE to enough, so the same rules apply!

For Amanda, Lawrence, and Strahm of the saw universe and Mike Schmidt from the FNAF the pricing is as follows:

SFW stuff is gonna be $2.00 CAD for every thousand words. 0.5k words is gonna be $1, 1.5k words will be $1.50, so on and so forth.

NSFW stuff is gonna be $2.50 CAD for every thousand words. 0.5k words will be $1.25, 1.5k words will be $3.75, so on and so forth.

The discounts will likely stick around throughout all of december and after--I don't see myself pulling their pricing up to normal until I'm confident in how I write for the character in question.

On a last note--unless you tell me you'd like me to post your request publicly, I'll be posting them privately and sending you a link so that only you or myself can access it.

[doctor-fancy-pants]

Generic Medications Rant (or PSA)

(yes I copy pasted it from my Twitter because it turns out that Twitter hasn't entirely imploded yet and it's still my automatic Ranty Pants outlet)

PSA: reminder that generic brands of medications are not actually always the same. Bio-availability varies because the inactive ingredients vary, and these affect absorption rates, delivery of relevant molecules to bloodstream, etc. To be approved, I think a generic brand has to demonstrate somewhere between 85 to 125% the same... look, I'm just gonna call it "bloodstream payload" because it's late and words are hard, okay? And it might not deliver that over the same time frame.

[I needed to look that up. Original tweet had 135% which is a typo, it is 125%. And my phrasing is really misleading, mea culpa! That's not the amount of bioavailable medication, it's a numerical index. Absolutely my bad. Very tired.]

Here's the more detailed correction: the dissolution profile of a generic medication - oral capsules, tablets, etc. - applying to the TGA for approval in Australia must show at least an 85% dissolution profile match to the reference drug. Furthermore, they must provide clinical trial data detailing bioequivalence to the reference drug (which must be a medication already approved for use in Australia), bioavailability testing, peak plasma concentration, time to peak concentration, rate of increase, etc. etc. It's involved, and there are medications for which the range is narrower at 0.9 to 1.11, but for most it seems to be in that 0.8 to 1.25 range.

Reiterating that it this is a numerical index evaluating the overall profile and plasma concentration etc. It's not "you only get 80% of the drug", it's not a raw amount, it's more that the pattern of delivery and absorption, as demonstrated in those specific clinical trials on healthy subjects (sigh) must have a similarity index of 0.8 - 1.25. The actual amount involved is a lot narrower, which is why if there are differences in how someone is metabolising a drug, it will be quite subtle, and will mostly affect someone who is sensitive to those differences. It is nevertheless a pretty common phenomenon, but more information on bioequivalence here.]

Back to the Twitter thread!

I'm tweeting about this again because it's been a while but tonight I encountered a young bright spark of a pharmacist who insisted that the generic brand Zoloft should be the same.

and you can FUCK RIGHT THE FUCK OFF with that bullshit

Disclaimer: I was not rude. I was not even stern. I was firm and possibly a tad more forceful than I would have preferred, but there was no ill will on either side (that I could see. Factor in: I am oblivious).

But it pissed me off. This should be common knowledge by now.

I've been on Zoloft - with brief breaks - since 2001. Dosage has varied. I was on a generic at one point, and noticed no change, so at least I'm aware of one generic that will work for me.

At one point, though, I was put on a different brand. APO.

And I started having paraesthesia, otherwise known as "brain zaps" to those who have experienced that. It's a common withdrawal symptom of SSRIs, and I never get them for ANY OTHER REASON.

EVER.

My dose had not changed.

...but the fucking manufacturer had.

I was really puzzled. Digging around online (and feeling confused and skeptical, because whenever I question anything a doctor or pharmacist has told me, I feel like I'm two overconfident steps away from the anti-vaxxers), I found that this is actually pretty fucking common.

Insulin-dependent diabetics have learned, to their sorrow, suffering and grief, that not all brands of insulin are created equal - in spite of what manufacturers and prescribers and (in the US) insurers insist to be the case.

But that many people are not imagining the effects of inadequately managed diabetes. They just aren't.

Generic manufacturers aren't making the same medication. They are attempting, for the most part, to reverse engineer it.

This is not as reliable as anyone would like.

And this many people are not imagining brain-zaps and withdrawal from anti-depressants on which they were previously very stable.

I should not get withdrawal symptoms from a medication that I am still taking.

I went back to the pharmacy and started saying "no generic." It wasn't until there was a shortage of Zoloft brand sertraline (which has happened a few times) that I questioned that decision.

Another pharmacist pushed the generic, insisting quite firmly that it was the same.

I started to doubt myself. I'm not a pharmacist. I'm not a doctor. I'm a fucking marine biologist. What the fuck do I know about pharmacokinetics? Fuck all, that's what.

So I gave it a shot. And then - this is important - I forgot that I had done that.

The brain zaps started up again. Slow at first and then with increasing intensity. And I was in the most bizarre denial about it - even after I remembered.

Because the pharmacist had said with such WILD confidence that they were the same.

They fucking are NOT.

I got mad. This was several years after the first incident, and online access to good information (alongside dreadful information) had increased. Now, very reputable sources of generalised medical advice were saying "check with your doctor before switching to a generic."

I respond best to the Pfizer brand of sertraline. Second to that, I can take Eleva. What I can't take is APO. And now I no longer allow myself to be steamrollered. I have data. I have sources. I have qualified professionals in this area (including in patent law) who back me up. In hindsight it's wild that you would expect identical product from divergent manufacturing processes, particularly in different countries with different regulatory infrastructure and frameworks. The same "active ingredient" is not always going to be in the same form. It's not always going to be something your body can metabolise or tolerate in the same way. Particle size, capsule material, binding agent - all can make a significant difference to something as finely tuned as an anti-depressant. I respond best to the Pfizer brand of sertraline. Second to that, I can take Eleva. What I can't take is APO.

(sidebar: last time I got mad about this, I looked into Apotex and, uh... look it's an old article but it does not inspire confidence, does it?)

And I also can't take the idea that this bright young pharmacist, afire with good will and misplaced confidence, will steamroller other people with her inadvertent "gaslighting by profound ignorance." Not everyone will push back or have such an obvious withdrawal symptom. And if their depression is poorly managed, or their diabetes is out of control, or their heart medication is not quite right, they won't always think of the brand! Especially if their pharmacist reassured them! The consequences are, at best, suffering. At worst, tragedy. Look, some people can swap brands easily and they'll be fine. Some are more tolerant to fluctuations in that bloodstream payload. Some medications are more robust as well. We just can't presume that to always be the case. So no, I don't have a lot of mental space for good intentions around this issue. A response like "oh that's weird, it should be the same" is expected from a layperson, but from a pharmacist, it just makes me think you've been living under a fucking rock. That response would make sense 20 years ago. Now, it should be "yeah, that happens a lot." And for what it's worth, some people respond better to a particular generic than the original patent brand. Bodies are fucken weird, yo. Anyways, I've belaboured the point enough, I'm just pissed off that I got pushed that hard, and worry about people who can't push back as confidently. I've been steamrollered into bad decisions. It sucks. So: if you've had odd symptoms after changing brands, and if you have doubts about your generic? That's extremely valid, and you want to be able to rule it out as a cause.

Stand your ground, as best you can. And stay safe. -Doc out

[flirting-with-psychology]

When you’re visiting a site, do you still type ‘www.’?

No

Can you still read the time if an analogue clock doesn’t have numbers on it?

Yes, but it's slower

To whom will/did you first talk about the first time you’ve had sex?

My mom I think lol

Have you ever fallen asleep while taking an exam?

No, but I have zoned out

Tell me something ridiculous about the place or country you live in:

We had a reality TV star as a president

Did you know that ` is not an apostrophe? Are you guilty of using it?

What is it then?

Have you ever gave the rejection hotline number to anyone?

No

What is something you didn’t like about being thirteen?

Being obsessed with being popular (and completely failing at it)

What can you hear right now?

Cars

Do you think it’s okay for kids to have cellphones?

Depends what age. Once they are old enough to go places without an adult they should have a cellphone

Do you watch anime? If so, what are some of your favorites?

Not really, but I have watched a couple. Recently watched Attack on Titan

A quote/funny line from the last movie you saw?

I can't remember any lines from it

Don’t you hate yes/no surveys? Or do you prefer the ones that make you think and explain your thoughts?

I like the bolding ones for yes/no, otherwise I like more interesting questions

Do you have a favorite curse word? If so, what is it and why?

Probably fuck

How well would you say you do in school? Do you actually exert effort or are you naturally good at your subjects?

I was naturally good, got all As in high school and As and Bs in college

Do you have any siblings? If so which one of them do you get along with the best?

No

What’s your favorite TV show? And who’s your favorite character from it?

Friends, either Monica or Chandler

Is there someone that you look up to? If so, who and why?

Not especially

Do you take surveys on other sites besides Bzoink?

I only take them on Tumblr

When did/will summer start for you?

Around lunchtime

Do you have a poor eyesight? If so, what is the power of your eyes?

A little but not bad, like .75/1.25 I think

…do you use glasses or contacts for it?

Glasses

Have you violated any of the 10 Commandments? If so, what?

What are the 10 commandments again?... The ones I have broken are: 1. Recognize God, 2. Take god's name in vain, 3. Keep sabbath, 4. Honor parents, 9. Covet neighbor's wife (or spouse), 10. Covet neighbor's goods

What would you consider to be your most valued possession? Why?

My stuffed animals and my journals

Are you ever satisfied? Or are you one of those people who always want more?

I will never be satisfied

What were you like as a kid?

Really into playing pretend

[spiked-mall-goth]

ummmmm guys. i have had a day let me tell you. super long diary like entry lol

i had to get up early to go see my papa and help him move some furniture, and although i was running on a total of 2 1/2 hours of sleep i was excited. he lives out in the city and its about an hour and a half drive but the highway is completely surrounded by trees so that was a fun ride. listened to lots of music and talked about barbies with my dad. we counted 21 total yard sales on the trip.

got home and ate lunch after unloading some beds. my papa wanted some old twin beds out of his house so we took them home. i have a new mattress now!! which hopefully means far less daily back pain!!

after lunch we decided to go to a few of the yard sales we passed by. and let me tell you i got a HAUL. i got a pair of really nice pajama pants that have little skulls on them, then at the next one they had SO MUCH STUFF!!! like guys.. i got a sweater for 25 cents.. GUYS. i got a little black sweater, a flowy black summer top, a fucking black velvet CAPELET, and the most gorgeous black 80s prom dress; although sadly it does not zip and needs alterations but its WORTH IT!!! it has really big poof sleeves and a massive flower sash omg guys its AWSOME. at the same place i also got a little fake ivy for my kitchen :D it desperately needed a little life, a big ass puzzle to work on with my brothers, and they had MOUNDS of vhs tapes... for FREE. soooo uh yeah. may or may not have come home with like twenty new tapes. oh yeah did i metion that i only paid like a total of six dollars so far?? i made out like a Bandit. final yard sale and the woman was like 'uhhhh $1.25.'. so for a $1.25 i got a peanuts drinking glass (i think from mcdonalds..), the entirety of firefly on dvd, and a ceramic angel. normally i do not go for religious imagery in my decor, but. it was like 102F.. i hadnt slept since my two hour night.. i was severely dehydrated.. heat exhaustion was setting in a little bit.. and i dunno, she just called to me. she reminded me of laura palmer.

okay, so i get home and unload all my of goodies, then i start cleaning my room. i have to disassemble my old bed frame and clean under my bed and shit. i already have a pounding headache at this point but i have schedule to keep. beds gotta be moved b4 tmrrw. so i am FIGHTING trying to get the frame apart, i'm all sweaty and gross and i finally get it!! :D i feel some stuff falling over behind me and b4 i can even look up i get whacked right upside my head loony tunes style with a huge metal beam :( i start feeling kinda funny and i vaguely remember talking to my brother who told me to lie down. i pass out cold and hard on the couch for about an hour. vague memories of seeing something in the room with me. not really important i just think you should know.

wake up to my brothers shaking me to make sure i havent DIED. i lived! yayyy!! ate dinner, and then it was time. i have been looking at this online auction for over a week now and it was ending in a matter of minutes. i did when some some stuff! i got the directors cut of JTHM, revenge of the filler rabbit, and some other comic which i cannot remember rn.. but anyways it was 5 bucks! and then i bought a snoopy wallet for a few dollars. although i did miss out on a clear phone.. so sad. but overall i had a very good shopping day today idk why. everything just like fell into my lap at affordable prices... like wow..

after the auction i still had not moved my new bend in (ya know.. bonk on da head) so i fight forever to get it put together. but yippeee!!! its al here! and i was given a new blanket to put on it which is very soft :3

anyways now im here after showing and watching x files for a bit.

if you read all of that.... wow. ily <3. i normally dont like to just like info dump about my irl daily stuff, but today was just so like action packed it was kinda bonkers. anyways i have to go to bed bc i have more stuff going on tmrrw.... and i honestly might just cancel them.. i am TIRED.

[justabtsblog]

Was listening to Youtube and not really paying attention because I was in another tab until this came on . . .

 https://youtu.be/80ALYaz6tzk

MIC Drop sped up is  . . . I- can’t. It’s even funnier on 1.25 playback speed. Pls watch you won’t regret.

Update #1: listening to the video now and Butter just came on, OH MY GOD. They sound like children in a cartoon show. This video is giving Baby Filter energy. will update as I continue to listen.

Update #2: Idol is the same as butter. I swear I’ve heard sped up version but never like this. I have an already sped up video on 1.25 playback so let me slow it back down. 

Okay it’s at normal speed and it didn’t change the voices at all just the speed. If anything they just sound more like real children now.

Oh now Dynamites on. This is a riot. I legit started crying when the video came on and I’m still laughing. Okay turning it back up to 1.25 playback, let’s go. pray for my soul!

Okay at 1.25 it’s pretty much the same except faster and a bit squeaker not so bad oh wait not they got to the da na na na na na parts and I lost it again.

The high note!!!! ahhhhhhh (in tiny)

(I’m just writing this as I’m writing now instead of going back and forth because it’s to funny.)

The begining of DNA was funny and the deep background vocal surprised me. I was shook! Not expecting that. Turning back down.

Still the same deep almost robotic sounding back ground DNA vocal. 

This part:

이 모든 건 우연이 아니니까 (DNA) 운명을 찾아낸 둘이니까 DNA

Timestamps: Mic drop - 0:01 Fake Love - 3:56 Butter - 6:59 Idol - 9:03 Dynamite - 11:51 Dna - 14:22

[limetimo]

My fics rated by how many times it says "Regulus" (per 100 words)

Invisible Ace 2.61 I didn't expect it to have a better ratio than Get Help but wow here we are. It's a really short Regulus-centric ficlet though

Rise and Shine, Cockerel 2.30 Frankly surprised by this one, didn't think it said "Regulus" all that many times

Get Help 2.23 Short and sweet and with Regulus' POV, makes sense

The Book Of Love 1.94 Frankly surprised this one, I expected it to be less filled with Regulus? Though it is about Regulus through James' eyes, so.

Bet You Thought You Saw The Last Of Me 1.76 Inferius Regulus my beloved. I'm fond of him

It would eat you like poison If you knew what I knew 1.76 I honestly forgot how good this one was. Also. The song is stuck in my head again. Does it get your blood boiling... Does it make you see red... do you wanna destroy it... does it get in your head... Literally the perfect song for Regulus realising what a lying bastard Voldemort is

Expert on Call 1.69 acutely cute, also expected less

I Do Not Accept This 1.51 Regulus and rat!Kreacher on an adventure ♥

Regulus Orange Is The New Black Cat 1.5 I had fun with the concept of Regulus being stuck as a cat animagus and becoming Crookshanks...

45 Decibels 1.36 I should write more of this. I love how soft Regulus is here. Cat years did him good. Somebody send prompts

Lord's Redemption (Friday 30, October 1981) 1.34 So much a n g s t in here but also I love the poetic language I managed to give it. Very Regulus centric

Regulus Didn't Die For This 1.29 This was fun to write. Regulus didn't die for Harry to enter the Triwizard Tournament with 0 safety precautions. Also Discord Death my beloved

I Pledge My Loyalty 1.25 Seems appropriate. I like what I did there ^^

Lily's Little Adventure 1.2 I looove Regulus interacting with children ajaksj. This was fun to write I want to write more

Heads of Houses, Head over Heels 1.17 Bartylus my beloved ♥

Somebody Call Out To Your Brother (he’s calling out your name) 1.08 No surprise here, that with the repetitions in the second half

The Unfroggivable Curse 0.93 ♥♥♥♥♥ I don't know why I expected there to be more of "Regulus" but I did. It took a detour to Snape and Lily and the Potters and the Lupins. Ofc there isn't that much of "Regulus". Still. My baby-cheeked baby

To Reach A Port We Must Set Sail 0.71 Stabby Regulus is stabby :D

Capymama 0.64 :D :D :D Yeah this was fun to write and came out pretty cute

Black Madness 0.62 I love it when my boy is allowed to go unhinged ♥

One Night Marriage 0.61 Yeah I guessed about that much, the Lily POV is probably why it ranks higher than Meet Ugly

Meet Ugly 0.5 The focus of the fic is pretty evenly divided between him and Lily so I'm not too surprised.

Sincerely, Your Favourite Cousin 0.4 I love them Black cousins ♥

Reginald Black 0.12 He's got amnesia, the name Reginald which he refers to himself as comes up... 1.4 times per 100 words.

Jealousy Jealousy 0.12 Yeah this one is more about Lily

Paint Me Anew 0.04 Kreacher calls him Regulus once. But like this is almost 3k of me picking wallpapers for Grimmauld Place :D

Everything Wrong With (Your Local Vigilante Punkband) 0.04 His name is there once and I think that was an accident actually lol. He's speaking to his muggle therapist

To Be Or Not To Be (Involved With A Vigilante Punk Band) 0 He is amnesiac talking to his therapist and his birth name doesn't even come up lol. I remember avoiding writing it, even. This one was fun I adore it.

Sinking Slowly 0 He's mentioned, but apparently not by name, huh. Oh. Sirius refers to him as "Reggie" three times, okay

[usmsgutterson]

Ko-Fi + commissions

okay--I just wanna open this up by saying you absolutely do not need to send me money! I've been writing for something like five years now and will keep writing stuff that wasn't commissioned. Writing has never been an income-based hobby for me and once my commissions close, I will still actively be writing.

There is a benefit to this, though--commission requests get first priority! That means that, if you request a fic from me via Ko-Fi, I will prioritize getting that done over the requests sitting in my inbox!

The post is super long below this, so commission details are going to be below the cut! Pre-emptively, though, you can find the link to my ko-fi here!

All right!! To keep things pretty well rounded, commissions will be priced as follows:

every 1k words is gonna be priced at $5 CAD!!

That also means I had to do math-- 500 words will be $2.50 CAD, 1.5k words will be $7.50, so on and so forth! just think about it like this--every 500 words is $2.50, which means that every word is 0.005 cents! This goes for all fic genres with the exception of smut, which is a bit different for me.

The most I'll write is 5k words for one fic, and that would cost you $25 CAD.

Smut is different but not by much--smut is more time intensive to me because the motivation for smut strikes like, once or twice a month so writing it when the motivation isn't there as much as it could be will just cost a teeny tiny bit more.

The difference isn't that big, though! 1k words of a smut fic will put you out $5.50 CAD. 500 words of smut is $2.75, 1.5k words of smut is $8.25 and so on and so forth! The same goes with smut as it does for any other genre--the most I am willing to write for a smut fic will amount to a total of 5k words, which will cost you $27.50.

In the case of both SFW and NSFW works, if you want me to write more than 5k, reach out to me and we can negotiate a price.

On another note, though, it's the christmas season! I have fandoms that I either really love but have yet to write for or haven't written for in a while, but I want to write for those fandoms so those fandoms are discounted!

think of commissioning a work from one of the fandoms with a discount like you're choosing to buy a B or C grade sticker from an etsy shop--it's not going to be perfect, there's probably something a little wrong with it, but you choose to buy it and love it anyway.

All fandoms and characters listed below have pricing of $2 for SFW works of 1k words ($1 for 500 words, $1.50 for 1.5k words and so on) and $2.50 for NSFW works of 1k words ($1.25 for 500 words and $3.75 for 1.5k words and so on)

Peaky Blinders - Alfie Solomons and Tommy Shelby

One Piece Live Action - Sanji and Roronoa Zoro

Arcane - Silco, Jayce Talis, and Viktor

for information about formatting and stuff--unless you give me the okay to post it for the public to read, I'll write the fic, post it privately to my tumblr and send you a link so that you can access it. It would be appreciated greatly if you did tell me whether or not you wanted it posted publicly, because otherwise I'll post it privately and send you a link so that only you and I have access.

[yourshiningastr]

CHAPTER 2

"Congratulations. Miss Trinidad. You are the number one in the Business department again with 1.11 GWA! I'm sure your parents are so proud of you!"

" So paano ba yan? We'll see each other again next school year ah, take this vacation as an advantage to rest. You deserve it. Congrats again!" Masaya akong lumabas ng faculty room matapos kong ibigay ang ilang mga materyal na pinakuha ng aming professor sa major subject namin.

I know, 1.11 average wasn't enough for my parents. It needs to be flat one that's why I'm kind of bothered at binabalak ko pa manghingi ng petition sa P.E subject namin dahil binigyan ako nito ng 1.25.

I know I should be grateful for it, but I'm just worried that my parents will be disappointed pag nalaman nila na sa P.E subject ko pa nakuha yun.

Pero sa kahit sandali ay nawala ang agam agam ko ng marinig ko ang sinabi ng professor namin. She's always been sweet and she always appreciate her students, she make sure na lahat ng effort ay nakikita at nabibigyan ng recognition. 

That's why kahit duguan ang subject niya ay naging madali dahil magaling siya mag turo at hindi siya nag bibigay ng pressure sa mga estudyante.

Ang rason nito ay, dahil daw intimidating na ang kanyang subject pati daw ba siya ang magpapaka intimidating at terror na din?

She's so patient with us. And the whole block is grateful for that.

I wish there's a lot of Teachers like her. Teachers that do not teach just for the sake of teaching or just because it's their job but because they want to inspire students and involve them so they could really learn.

"Hey, I heard ikaw daw ang nangunguna uli sa buong department niyo? Congrats, Rae!!" Ngumiti ako kay Ate Alisson na President ng YO at niyakap din ito pabalik.

Nagpasalamat din ako sa ibang members na bumabati sa akin ngayon at binati din sila pabalik.

This is what I like here in this organization. They are welcoming, and they make sure na walang naiiwan o naiichapwera.

Very hands-on din ang head ng bawat committee, there are 6 committees in this program.

Media and arts, Technical, Program, Communication, Research, and Finance committee. I'm under Ate Roxan, the head, and officer in charge of the Program committee.

Hindi sila pumapalya sa pagtatanong kung kumusta kami lahat, you can really feel their presence. Of course, it's not easy for them to approach me. I am always surrounded by close-minded and entitled people, and it's more difficult for me to open up with them because I fear that they might not like me.

Although at some point I still feel that they don't fully welcome me here.

I can still feel an uncomfortable gaze from the other members pero okay lang, dahil tolerable naman sila. Kaya ko pa din pakisamahan.

Siguro ganun talaga, kapag gusto mo, gagawin mo ang lahat para hindi yun mawala sayo. 

And I quite understand them, kasi kung ako ang nasa kalagayan nila ay baka mahihirapan din ako sa kagaya ko. Kaya naman kahit madalas ay awkward, pinagpapatuloy ko pa din. At saka isa pa, hindi naman sila ang pinunta ko dito, kung hindi ang vision at mission ng organization.

"Nga pala, may volunteering na magaganap uli next month. Makakasama ka ba? Or uuwi ka uli sa provice niyo?" The mere sight of my family makes me just want this school year not to end.

Idagdag mo pa yung alaala nung nagbakasyon ako doon last year. Lagi silang wala, at kung nandoon man sila sa mansyon ay kung hindi ako papagalitan, ipapamukha naman sakin na I'm a disappointment.

"I will join, Ate. I regret not joining last year eh, so I will come."

"You sure? I mean, yes maganda na makasama ka sa mga ganoong activities ng organization pero okay lang ba sa parents mo? You know it wasn't just a simple volunteering.." I understand kung saan nang gagaling si Ate Alisson.

Every year kasi ay may ganitong activities sa school at nangunguna ang organization namin, tinatawag nila itong Volunteerism. Magwowork sa ibat ibang place. 

Last year ay sa cafe sila nag work for one month at ang malilikom nilang pera ay idodonate sa charity na sinusuportahan ng school.

Maganda din na training ground yun, dahil nakakatulong ka na sa iba ay napa-practice at mae-enhance din ang social and work ethics skills mo.

Madami ka ding makakasamang estudyante na nanggaling sa ibat ibang Universities.

Hindi ako nakasama last year dahil pinili kong umuwi ng Nueva Ecija para mag bakasyon, and hindi din ako sanay sa mga ganoong klase ng gawain dahil lumaki ako na may gumagawa ng mga yun sa akin.

Siguradong kapag nalaman nila Mommy kung anong ginagawa sa Volunteerism ay hindi ako nito pasasamahin. 

But I am 20 now, I am an adult, I can now decide for myself.

"Don't worry, I'll just talk to them. Uuwi naman po ako next next week kaya makakapag paalam. Saan po ang pag vovolunteerism natin this year? " Ang alam ko kasi ay iba ibang work ang ginagawa nila, para daw masanay at matuto ang mga estudyante.

"Oh, ang alam ko palang na sure sa University natin ay sa cafe's uli. Pero base sa naging meeting ng mga officer at head ng bawat committee last week ay apat na workplace ang mapupuntahan natin."

"Apat ang magiging workplace ate? Last time I check ay isahan lang?" Kunot noo kong tanong dito.

"Ah, naparami kasi ang mga estudyante na gusto sumama. Usap usapan kasi na may kasama daw na galing sa Aster University. Eh madami daw gwapo doon kaya madaming mga babae ang nagpalista na mag jojoin this year." Napataas naman ang kilay ko sa narinig. 

Is that really how students think? Eh what if, puro babae pala ang nag join galing sa school na yun, paano na sila ngayon?

"Kaya nga, kiligs! Excited na din ako kasi narinig ko na kasama daw ang dalawang Vasco." Rinig kong sabi ng isang member namin na nanlalaki ang ngiti.

Vasco? 

Wait, are they the Vasco I know?

"Vasco? like Jacksion and Lucarion Vasco?" Pagkukumpirma kong tanong sakanila. Mabilis naman ang paglingon sakin ng mga first year na mga babae.

"Yes, sila nga ate!! Kilala mo sila?" Ang kaninang si Ate Roxan lang ang nasa harap ko ay ngayon buong babae na ata na nandito sa classroom.

"I- uhm.. Yeah. I kind of knew them. " Naiilang kong sagot. I heard a gasp at lumapit pa sila sakin para ako ay usisain.

"Uhm, Jacksion's parents are one of the shareholders of my Dad's company and we somewhat grew up together." That's right, I have known Vasco ever since. 

My dad always reminded me about their presence and power.

As far as I can remember, there are five sons of Don Primero Haile Vasco and Doña Catherina Vasco. And they are indeed one of the wealthiest and most respectable families in the Philippines.

"Wow, really? Sana all, alam mo bang pangarap ko ang makita sila? Lalo na si Jacksion, wait hindi naman naging kayo no, Ate?" Mabilis naman ako napailing at pinipigilan ang sarili bumalanghit ng tawa.

Jacksion and I? Together? No way!!

Jacksion is one year older than me but he always acted like he is 5 years younger than me. 

He is the Youngest son, the trouble maker- the sakit ng ulo. Kambal sila ni Lucas.

And I witnessed that nung mga bata pa kami. Isa siyang iyakin. But that was when we were kids.

We have not seen each other for 7 years now. Though, I still have their contacts at nakikita ko sila sa social media lalo na si Jacksion.

I suddenly remember Yna. She used to have a crush on Jacksion but she got rejected a second after she confessed to him. 

Naawa pa ako dito at pinagalitan si Jacksion na hindi dapat siya nagpapaiyak ng babae kaya naman tumatakbo itong umiiyak kay Kuya Snoah at Kuya Haides at nagsusumbong ngunit tinawanan lamang siya nito at sinabihan pa ako na 'Very good' ni Kuya Haides. Good old days.

Bumaba na ako sa kotse ko ng makarating na ako sa Twin Oak Place condominium. Living alone wasn't new to me. Ever since I was a kid, lagi na akong naiiwan sa bahay kasama ang mga katulong at si Manang. 

At first, malungkot syempre pero nasanay na din ako sa ganoon, naturuan ko na ang sarili kong maging masaya mag isa.

Kaya naman matapos ako pilitin nang parents ko na i-take ko ang kursong hindi ko gusto ko ay humiling ako ng kondisyon at iyun ang hayaan nila ako lumipat sa Manila at manirahan mag isa.

Malapit na ako sa unit ko na may makita akong pamilyar na bulto ng tao. Lumapit ako dito ng bahagya upang alamin kung tama ba ako ng hinala.

"Kuya Haides?" Mabilis naman itong lumingon sa akin at kumunot ang noo wariy inaalala kung sino ako.

"It's me, Rae." Pagpapakilala ko dito.

"Rae? Wait, Rae Trinidad, yung kaaway lagi ng bunso namin?" Napairap naman ako sa sinabi niya.

This is Kuya Haides Peterson Vasco, the oldest son of Don Vasco.

"Woah, dalaga ka na! It's been what? 6 or 7 years? Kumusta ka na?" I smiled at him warmly.

"Yes, it's been 7 years. I'm now in College Kuya, I'm taking up Entrepreneurship. How about you? You look different, I mean good different. " Kapansin pansin ang tangkad at laki ng katawan nito.

Moreno ito, at may dominanteng aura at postura kaya naman hindi na ako nagtataka kung bakit lahat ng mata ay nasa amin.

"I'm a criminal lawyer now and have built a law firm. It's called V law firm. It stands for Vasco and Victory." I shook my head when he winks at me. Nagyayabang na ito.

"I'm also handling dad's business. Alam mo naman yun, hindi ako titigilan, dahil ako ang panganay. And oh, I'm already getting married. Tamang tama at magpapadala palang ako ng invitation sa inyo sa Nueva Ecija, pero andito ka na pala sa Manila. Matutuwa si Jackson niyan."

I frowned at him but was also glad that he gets to pursue law. 

Kuya Haides is 10 years older than me but he looks like in his early 20s. Siguro malaki din ang factor na masaya siya ngayon sa buhay at lovelife kaya parang ang bata ng itsura nito. Sana all..

"You're getting married? Wow! So you found a girl ah? I remember Kuya Tim teasing you about not getting married or even getting a girl at all." Tawa tawa kong kwento dito.

"Oh please, Si Lucarion ang ganoon. Ang santong anak ng Vasco." Iiling iling naman ako dito habang tumatawa dahil hindi pa din ito nagbabago, bubbly pa din ito at mapang asar. 

Naalala ko tuloy si Lucas, kambal sila ni Jacksion ngunit sobrang magkaiba ang ugali nila.

Kung si Jacksion ay makulit at sakit sa ulo ay siya namang kina- anghel ni Lucas. Naalala ko din na sinabi niyang ayaw nito mag-asawa at mag pa-pari nalang daw siya.

"Eh ikaw? May Boyfriend ka na ba? " Seryosong tanong nito, Kuya Haides has always been protective over his brothers and me as well. Naalala ko kung papaano ako nito pinagsasabihan about sa mga lalaki, na hindi daw dapat ako magtiwala. He's like a father figure to me.

"Naku Kuya, mukha bang may oras ako para diyan?"

"Aba eh kung wala baka si Jacksion talaga ang para sayo? Namimiss ka na noon, lagi kayo mag kaaway noon eh, yung iyakin na gago na yun. " Ngumisi ito.

"Iww Kuya, You know that Jackson and I are like nemesis. At saka nakikita ko na madaming babae yun na pinopost sa social media. iba iba every month! Tsk." Tumawa naman ito.

"Nga pala Kuya, why are you here?"

"Oh I'm just visiting a brother." Ngumiti ito sakin ng marahan.

Brother? Who? Kuya Snoah? Kuya Timotheo? Lucas? Jacksion? Wait, neighbors ko ang isa sakanila?

"Sino kuya? Sama ako , miss ko na din mga utol mo." Ginulo naman nito ang buhok ko at nang makita ang simangot kong mukha ay natawa ito .

"Not now, Rae. We'll see each other at my wedding nalang ah. Nice seeing you again, I am now praying for Jacksion na makita ka para magtanda, gusto ko na uli siya makita umiyak."

Hinampas ko ang braso nito at nagpaalam na sa kanya, siguro ay need nila ng privacy kaya ayaw akong pasamahin. That's okay, maybe next time.

Nang makita ko na kumakatok na si Kuya Haides sa room kung saan siya may bibisitahin ay tumalikod na din ako at nagtungo sa unit ko.

Napansin ko na may mga box malapit sa Unit ko at nakabukas ang pintuan ng katabi kong unit.

Hmmm.. may bago sigurong lipat. Ipinagsawalang bahala ko na lang yun at binuksan na ang pinto ng unit ko nang may narinig ako kalabog.

"Ouch!"

Mabilis kong sinarado uli ang pintuan ng Unit ko at nanlaki ang mata ng makita ang pamilyar na lalaki sa harap ko. Nakahawak ang kaliwang kamay nito sa box habang ang isang kamay ay minamasahe ang noo niya na nauntog sa pintuan ko.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! Are you okay?" Mabilis akong lumapit dito at tinanong.

"Fuck, pangalawa na to ah. Lord kung balak niyo naman ako patayin, wag na paunti unti." Rinig kong bulong nito.

"Uhm, Mister.. Are you okay?" He's speaking to himself ! Hindi ko naman siguro napuruhan ang ulo niya right?

"Yes, Miss Im fi-" I heard him gasp at nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatingin sakin.

"Pucha, Lord. Nasa langit na ba ako? Kung ganitong klaseng kamatayan lang naman eh, why not?" Rinig kong bulong niya uli.

"I'm so sorry, do you want to go to the hospital to check your head?" Tinuro ko ang ulo niya at tumingin sakanya na may pagaalala. 

"Deja vu." Bulong na naman nito.

"What?"

"I- I mean, no, yes. I- ano, yes I'm okay and no, no need na pumunta sa hospital." nakakunot ang uno kong pinagmasdan siya, he really looks familiar, saan ko ba siya nakita?

"Kahit naka kunot ang noo, ang ganda pa din. May favoritism ka, Lord."

"Excuse me?" Tanong ko dito ng marinig uli itong bumulong. 

Bakit ba siya bulong ng bulong? Is he talking ill about me?

Well, no need. Pwede naman niya gawin yun ng harapan, like as if bago sakin yun at wala din naman ako paki alam. I can just pay him or his hospital bills.

"Pangalawa mo na to Miss ah, kapag ito tumatlo. Bibinggo ka na talaga sakin."

"What? Anong sinasabi mo?" He gasp at hindi makapaniwalang nakatingin sakin

"Parang ikaw ata ang nauntog ah, bilis mo naman makalimot. Matapos yung pinagsamahan natin, makakalimutan mo nalang ako basta basta. Grabe ka, ang sakit mo!" Pakunwari pa itong nagpupunas ng luha at tila mo totoo ang mga pinagsasasabi nito. Is he crazy?

"What? Look, Mr. You don't have to show me this kind of scheme. I can give you money, or even pay for your hospital bills. You don't have to do this. " Nakita ko naman na napahawak ito sa dibdib niya na wari moy nasasaktan.

"Grabe, ayan. Ganyan kayong mayayaman eh, matapos niyong saktan, iiwan niyo nalang. Kung sa tingin mo mababayadan mo ang sakit na dinulot mo sakin and take note hindi lang to isang beses ah, hmp! pwes... pwede din. Hehe" I rolled my eyes and looked at him.

"Magkano ba ang gusto mo?"

"Hep, let's rephrase your question. How about something like this. 'Ano ba ang gusto ko?'." Bigla naman ako napahakbang patalikod sa narinig.

Good thing Kuya Haides is in this building, he's a lawyer kayang kaya niya ang isang ito.

"Woah, woah, woah Miss. Easy. What I'm trying to say is, I don't need money, but since you're insisting on paying me, can you help me clean my condo instead? Kalilipat ko lang kasi."

Umusog ito upang ipakita sakin ang mga kahon na nagkalakat sa labas ng unit niya at ilang box na malapit sa unit ko.

"And isa pa, hindi mo ba ako naaalala?" I have been trying to remember him kanina pa dahil pamilyar talaga ito sakin ngunit hindi ko maalala.

"I'm Benedict. Andrey Benedict Garcia. Hi, neighbor. Or should I say, Hi. Rae. Avalyn Rae Trinidad."

[dfroza]

[Douglas Jones Photography]

“Throwback Thursday”

This might have been my favorite fall shot from last fall. I was turning down dirt roads off the main highway and was rewarded with this power line that crossed one of these dirt roads. Captured in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. #tbt 🍁

11.9.23 • Facebook

the infrastructure of this world in human development and connection to grow communities and cities

which are built from the starting point of families

and how many are fearing (to have reverence and acknowledgment of) our Creator?

(morality is actually Sourced in God and His truth who instilled us with a human conscience)

One day, truth and purity will be restored to earth. there will be no more disinformation or anything that deceives. the return of the Prince of Peace will cause war to cease. although some will fall for a counterfeit of the One True King beforehand.

the reestablishment of Israel is a prophetic working of the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob (Israel) and God is illuminated to us in the Son who will return to rule from Jerusalem for A Sabbath day’s “rest” of a thousand years of time

this is where the world is headed.

it isn’t going to keep advancing according to the terms of man. the pride of nations will come to an end. the pride of rebellion against our Creator will cease along with all manner of idolatry and religious views apart from the rebirth of the eternal Son who is the True Messiah that many of Israel will “awaken” to see with pure (Clarity)

it is God who “conserves” the True nature of things. although the world is set for cataclysmic Judgment that will truly shake its very foundations, since the only True Foundation that exists is in Yeshua

it will be “on earth as it is in Heaven”

eventually.

what do you think of the mountains and the Trees? do these things inspire fear (reverence) in your heart? have you seen a clear night sky from high up in elevation? what do you see when looking out upon a vast valley?

(A valley view)

lava flows like blood through earth, although earth was greatly fractured during the global Flood thousands of years ago during Noah’s time that has been repopulated ever since, growing into the billions

and we have seen many catastrophes on a planet that bears a curse, filled with danger. rebirth is vital.

even the natural human heart is like an inner mountain with blood flowing through the body, and there is “life” carried in the blood (blood is absolutely sacred)

we are redeemed through Sacred Blood alone.

[National Park Service]

“You can tell it’s an Aspen tree because of the way it is.” - Lenny Pepperbottom

If you still can’t tell, what are doing with your life?Just kidding. But really? Okay, but aspens can also be identified by their smooth, white bark marked by scars where lower branches are naturally self-pruned. (We knew not to cut bangs! Shake it off!) Shake, shake, sorry, quake. Quaking Aspen leaves are somewhat heart shaped (work with us), with finely saw-toothed margins and range in size from 1.25-3” (3-8 cm) long. The leaves attach to branches via a long and flattened petiole, so that even the slightest breeze causes the leaves to flutter. Nice, err, neat! This gives the overall tree the appearance that it is quaking or trembling - hence the common name Quaking Aspen (it’s all coming together) and the scientific name’s specific epithet - tremuloides.

Image: Golden colored Aspen trees at Great Basin National Park, Nevada.

11.10.23 • Facebook

@NWF

#GreatLakes states are leading the way in the prevention and clean-up of PFAS through policies that are already working to improve the lives of people and wildlife in the region. ✅

Learn more about policies regulating #PFAS in the Great Lakes 📲

11.10.23 • 12:01pm • X

we certainly live in a greatly imperfect world with so many things that pollute earth and its air and water. we can strive to make things better while here, as we should. but many problems still exist and new problems arise.

it seems a constant struggle.

and everything ages with time. even the changing planet.

so you see the necessity of rebirth?