#okay it could just be like as long as he has enough money. BUT. 50 taels exactly is SUCH a precise amount of money

[zishuge]

guys what the fuck. I just noticed this random throwaway line from episode 14 that i've literally never paid any attention to before. like this is something li lianhua has done so consistently through the years that he is famous for it and EVERYBODY knows this? as long as he has 50 taels of silver, he doesn't care to earn any more? .... you mean... like... ......as long as he has enough money to get the sigu sect leader token back from the pawn shop where he pawned it 10 years ago?

you mean to tell me that in all those years, he didn't care about going hungry, he didn't care about being penniless, but no matter what else happened, under any circumstance he needed to have at least 50 taels of silver on him? for 10 years? just in case he needed to go get his token? what the fuck li lianhua. it's been a full damn year, stop hurting my feelings like this

[acotarmemes]

For the charity streamer! Azris au: here’s 50 tier 3 gifted subs: drop the wedding Pinterest board pookie

THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD PROMPT!! Okay, okay, I did make a meme, but I was also super inspired so I also wrote a one shot type thing for this scene???? idk idk i hope you like it because this is how much I enjoyed your suggestion!!!

icon @copypastus

pinterest

an azriel x eris Twitter AU oneshot

Read below the cut!

That's a… lot.

Azriel stares at the screen to his right, calculating the amount. Fifty tier three subs gifted is over a thousand dollars. A thousand dollars gifted to him in one shot. It's not the amount that surprises him, having spent his life on the peripherals of bottomless wealth, but rather the request.

'Drop the wedding pinterest board, pookie.'

It could be a prank. It's not above Rhysand or Feyre to tease him gently like this, but they wouldn't do it this way. Money comes with obligation and Azriel must rise to the occasion. Somehow.

He worries at his lower lip as his gaze flickers to the 'five minutes break' screen up on his stream. The timing happened to be perfect—he's not slick enough to use a break to escape his streaming duties.

Azriel pulls out his phone and makes several pleas for help, only one of which sees the light of day: Back soon?

The question is gentle, innocuous and it leaves room to… not being replied. He would like an answer now, but he doesn't like to rush. He doesn't like to push. While he's at it, he doesn't like to be percieved… at all.

Panic gets the best of him and he adds a single '!'.

That earns him an immediate phone call.

"What's wrong?"

The effect is immediate. A sweeping calm washes over him as Eris' cool tone comes through over the familiar background sounds of the local market—Azriel loves the food stalls there. Eris never makes him ask for help; he just knows. He is the one who observes the shadows, and hears the wordless secrets buried within them.

"Um," he says softly, finding the words to be succinct in his request for help. "Someone gifted over a thousand dollars."

"And?"

Anyone else would accuse Eris of disinterest, but he uses that one word to cut straight to the point. Their entire stream was to raise money for Azriel's hometown. What's wrong with measly thousand dollars?

"Is that not enough? I told you I'd match everything you earned today and double it if it's not to your liking."

"No, it's not that. It's…" Azriel holds his breath, as if he can bottle up how silly he feels about being worried. "The donor wants me to 'drop the wedding pinterest board, pookie'."

"That's it?"

"Yeah…"

"I'll text you the link."

Azriel stops. It takes his brain several moments to process the solution offered. "What link?"

"To the pinterest board."

"What pinterest board?"

"Our wedding pinterest board."

"Our… what?"

Eris' laugh is palpable down the line, low and smooth like velvet. It had taken Azriel a while to get used to it, how he always sounds like he's teasing him, but that's just how he is—warmth bottled up in a single sound. He could wrap himself up in the soothing tones of his voice, but that's neither here nor there.

"Our. Wedding. Pinterest."

"I don't—what?"

This time, Eris opts to give Azriel a moment to work it out on his own. He pays for the food and starts walking back towards Azriel's. The sound of him eating can be faintly heard down the line.

"Why do we have a wedding pinterest?"

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Are we… Are you? I don't understand."

"You don't understand or you don't want to understand, love?"

"But we're—I'm—"

"We're what, dear?"

They've had this conversation before, a long time ago. Eris is the firstborn son of a High Lord and Azriel was… a mistake. His words, not Eris'. Azriel has lived under the kindness of others, yearning to repay debts that are priceless. He will never forget the generosity of Rhysand's mother for taking him in, and the brilliance of Rhysand's mind to find use for him in his Court. Cassian has a gift for befriending others, and yet he continues to include him. The list is endless. So, the idea of marriage to someone so far beyond his station is—

It's—

"I'm not proposing to you, Az. But I will, one day. You have time to think about how you'll say yes. I expect you to get it right the first time. I won't ask until you're ready, so relax." The smile comes through in Eris' voice. "Drop the pinterest link and let the peasants fawn over the dreams we'll make come true. No need to thank me, I'll be back in ten. You can even wait until I'm back. I'll answer all the questions. Love you."

Eris hangs up, but not without giving him a big 'mwah' through the phone. Azriel sits there, stunned with a deep flush upon his ochre skin.

He wants to marry me?

Azriel most definitely goes over the five minutes.

[starlightshadowsworld]

The Wary Weretiger

Tw for starvation and food insecurity

.

.

Atsushi often forgets to eat.

He's never had what people would consider a normal or regular meal routine. The Orphanage essentially fed him when they could bothered.

And with holding food from him was there main way of punishing him and keeping him in line.

Atsushi's used to not eating or not eating a lot for quite a long time.

He may have left the Orphanage behind when he ran off but considering he's a homeless teenager in Yokohama.

That hasn't really changed even when Atsushi did manage to get a job.

It's something the Agency are quite aware off. It doesn't take a Yosano or a Ranpo to see that Atsushi doesn't eat enough for someone his age.

But they can't just offer him food, because Atsushi will reject it.

He's quite a prideful little guy and he's also not used to people wanting to help him. He's very untrusting, he'll probably think any food he's offered is poision.

Which, in his defence that's happened before.

So they have to be subtle about it.

They've ordered food when they know he'll show up to visit Kenji and Kyouka. And sometimes Atsushi will stay and grab a bite with them.

Though he never takes much and insists on paying it back. And he does, no matter how long it takes him to get the money.

Kunikida has told him he doesn't need to pay him back for the chazuke he ate when he met him and Dazai. But Atsushi's nothing but stubborn and persistent.

Kid pulled out a calculator and everything. If there's one thing Atsushi never wants to be it's in debt to someone else.

One of the few useful lessons from the Orphanage.

They Agency have managed to sneak snacks into his rucksack. But it's a toss up if he'll actually take em. Atsushi has left and the snacks will be out on the table.

He works for a Port Mafia front organisation, a small cafe and the owners sometimes will insist he takes the leftovers.

Which Atsushi usually accepts, not wanting good food to go to waste. Though he won't eat it himself, usually he'll split it with Kyouka and Ranpo. But they only accept if he eats with them.

Atsushi is more likely to eat if others are too. He'll nibble on a cupcake if Dazai's also poking at one.

Kenji can usually offer Atsushi a meal his families cooked and Atsushi will eat it with him.

Though Atsushi always ends up with leftovers from Kenji no matter what that he'll promise to take back with them.

Whether they get eaten or not is 50/50 there's been times Atsushi's just bought it back but Kenji just smiles and puts it away in the Agencies fridge for later.

Weirdly enough the only one who can straight up hand Atsushi food that he'll absolutely eat, is Akutagawa.

They have a werid friendship that involves Akutugawa conversing (read: ranting) to Atsushi who will listen and say his piece.

And in exchange for hearing his woes, Akutugawa will give Atsushi a piece of fruit.

If he's in a good mood he'll even cut and peel it for him. Neither of them really know how they got here but here they are.

And everytime Akutugawa hands, or throws Atsushi a piece of fruit, Atsushi will eat it.

Somehow he knows that despite having tried to hunt him down, Akutugawa won't tamper with it.

That this food is safe and that's it's okay too eat.

And well if Akutugawa realises this is another thing he and Atsushi have in common and ensures he's had something to eat that day.

That's for him to know.

While he might wish to give Atsushi a more substantial meal, Akutugawa knows that Atsushi is comfortable with this.

He knows him well enough that anything more and Atsushi might refuse it all together.

And no one wants that.

Atsushi will also take a snack and sweet from Ranpo but that's cos Ranpo just knows when Atsushi will accept it, which isn't a lot but it's still a thing.

[tideswept]

Obikin pretty woman au 😏😏😏😏

anon, this has been in my inbox for ages. just. torturing me. tempting me. winking lasciviously at me.

and I have to ask myself every time I come across it, do I really want to write another prostitute!Anakin AU? Does it have to be Anakin? And in my heart of hearts, I know that the answer is yes, and I should accept it. Because damn, could he pull off the outfits.

but I dunno. I'm weird? I like to do weird things? also never actually adapted a movie to a fic? Not yet anyway.

(Practical Magical AU fic, when will it be your turn?)

so I think

.....

okay, let the brain percolate

I think it should be Anakin who finds Obi-Wan. Who is just. He's had a bad day, okay? Like, fantastically fucking bad, big rich money business deals, he's stressed and tired of being the Negotiator but lives are at stake here, employees who need to keep their jobs, so he has to swallow back the stress--but he's been swallowing back that stress for years now.

He's tired.

He didn't mean to just walk out of the 5-star hotel. What he needed was a drink, and not the kind they served at the hotel bar, charging 50 credits for a shot. No, he needs it cheap and dirty and burning on the way down.

"Shit, you look awful," the voice says, and a body sits down next to him on the curb. Normally Obi-Wan wouldn't appreciate a stranger appearing out of nowhere and getting so close to him, but this stranger smells nice, actually. And they're warm, whereas he seems to have lost his jacket at some point between the first and third bar.

"You can't be out here like this, you know? Gonna get mugged and left for dead."

The voice is young enough that it bothers Obi-Wan. And that's how he meets Anakin Skywalker, who's also tired, except he's only twenty-two and hasn't been further than a hundred miles from where he was born. Anakin's got a black eye because he got a fight with a nerfherder and he's not that bothered, some people think that's hot. It's not really going to cut into his profits.

He lights up and offers the death stick to the strange, classy man that definitely shouldn't be sitting on the street after midnight on that liminal strip of road where respectable turns to grimy, and pulls off his high heeled boots and tucks them to the side, switching them over for practical running shoes he keeps in his bag.

Obi-Wan just sort of stares. And then takes the death stick. And for some reason, he's just drunk enough that he starts talking about the shit day he's had, and the even worse week he's about to have.

Anakin snorts and makes catty comments that have Obi-Wan smiling, because that's exactly what he's too polite to say. Too much the Negotiator.

"God," Anakin says after the death stick has long crumbled to ashes. "You need either a serious marathon fuck or drugs. Maybe both. And then to quit your job and do something that doesn't make you want to die."

And Obi-Wan thinks that's the greatest idea he's ever heard.

"Are you--" he nods at the boots. They're rather unmistakable in purpose. And the boy is hardly dressed for the cold night.

"If you're a cop, no," Anakin answers. "If you're asking for how much for the night, you're too fucking drunk, my guy, and I'm too tired to get vomited on. You want me to call you a car or are you just gonna sit here until someone does decide to mug you?"

Obi-Wan chooses the car.

(He comes back the next day to find Anakin. Cue the rest of the movie? CLOTHING MONTAGE. Uhhhhh Qui-Gon as the hotel clerk?)

[storagebay29]

james somerton 'apology' video transcript

Note: for those who do not want to watch it. For those who do, here's a link to a reupload as the original has since been deleted. There are a lot of a pauses and 'um's/'uh's, the latter of which are largely ommitted from the below transcript. Posted under a readmore as it's pretty long.

I'm sorry for taking so long to make this video, or to say anything. I'm in the hospital- I've been in the hospital for a little over a week. I tried- Fuck. I tried to do something really stupid... (pause) I'm only here now because before I did it, I called my dad to talk to him one more time and, he figured out something was wrong, called paramedics or 911 or… and they got here and I woke up in the hospital and, yeah.

…

Anyway, I'm not trying to make this a sob story, I'm just trying to explain why I've been so quiet. I had a friend from back home checking my emails and stuff, and yeah.

…

But anyway… I wanna say that I'm really really sorry, really really sorry... for the stuff in the videos, the not crediting people, and for a lot of videos, you know I, I did the opening titles thing, and I tried to put like ‘this is based on X's- this person's research, or on this person's book,’ but I know now that wasn't enough, that wasn't okay. And then there were a lot of times... that uh...  oh god. There were a lot of times that stuff just got put in and there was no attempt at crediting anybody (pause) and I'm really really sorry.

And I'm not, I'm not sorry that I got caught, I'm sorry for ever doing it, I didn't- I honestly honestly... didn't realise that I was hurting people... And now that I know that I was hurting people… I'm just really sorry.

I lost my best friend because of this. Nick and I have been best friends since 2011 or [20]12? We'd been friends online and then. He lived in Ottawa, I moved to Ottawa so we could be, like, friends in person, and then we moved back to- I moved back to Nova Scotia, and Nick came with me. We eventually moved to the Toronto area where we lived together for 7 years? 8 years? We lived together for a really long time… and… he hasn't spoken to me since this happened.

Sorry, sorry I said I wasn't gonna make this a sob sorry. I should���ve got some Kleenex.

Then again I'm really really really sorry for the things I did in the videos: copying people's work and not crediting them properly or at all. I also wanna apologise for the misinformation and just outright lies that ended up in the videos? I didn't- I honestly say that I never intended for any of that stuff to be in the videos, most cases I didn't write it but I should’ve, you know it was my face on the channel, my name on the channel, I should have been, I should have been more diligent about fact checking and stuff. ‘Cause there was a lot of really stupid shit in there. It would’ve- it's just so easy to check, I just never did, I just took it for granted…

I also, I wanna thank Hbomberguy and his team for setting up the fund to make some money available for the authors that were wronged and the journalists and writers and…

I wanna help somehow, I don't know how, a lot of- I've seen a lot of people online saying how much money I apparently make and they’re way overestimating. Beyond the fact that Nick and I split everything 50/50, they're still way overestimating how much money came in… And the Toronto area is expensive, so there's not really any kind of savings, I'm moving home really soon… ‘Cause without Nick there's nothing for me here, and like I said it's really expensive…

And so I wanna say I wanna thank them for setting up that fund, and I wanna help somehow. The only thing I can think of right now is to make the videos, most of the videos public again and every month I can send the ad revenue from all of the past videos- ‘cause there were plenty that didn't have any, any uncredited stuff in them... But I can make them public again, and then every month I can send the AdSense to- either I can send it to Hbomberguy's team, that they can add to the fund, or I can start a fund myself? And every month I can publicly say how much money was made on the AdSense and show it. And send that to the writers and stuff every month. I don't know... what the system for that would be? But I would be more than happy to do that

You know some of the videos like the ‘Killing Stalking’ video brought in like a pretty decent amount of money every month so that would be helpful I think/to them. I'll also put in either the description or the pinned comment the names of the authors so that anyone watching the video knows where all of the information came from, that it wasn’t me going out doing journalism- I never thought that anyone thought that I was doing journalism and stuff, and I don't think anyone did. For the people who actually were doing it should have been given the credit they deserve, they did the hard work, all I did was edit a video. They did the hard work and they- they deserved the credit

(cut) Sorry about that, phone stopped recording.

But- yes. They deserved- they deserved credit, and… when it was something... when it was something like the, the recent... ‘history of hollywood’ videos, right there in the opening credits, I put the Vito Russo's name, that it was adapted from his book ‘The Celluloid Closet’. Same thing went for the gay panic video and the gay holocaust video, they were- the holocaust video was adapted from two books, and the gay panic video was adapted from a lot of journalism, and I- I put their names right at the beginning of the videos.

But and- I understand that's not how citation works... now. I understand that, I get it. And I wanna do better. And I know a lot of people hate me now, ‘cause I did bad shit. But I wanna try and do better. At some point I’d like to make videos again. I'd like to do videos that are fully sourced, where I will put a link to the script where you can find all the sources so that everyone is properly given the credit that they deserve, any the kind of research that's done, credit for any b roll that's used whether it's stock footage, or movies or TV shows or video games, or anything like that, have it all in there. I would like to become a really really good example of giving proper credit to writers and journalists

And I know a lot of you watching this aren't- aren't really gonna care, you'd rather I just disappear. But I would like to try to do better.

I never ever intended to hurt anybody. I never thought that that's what I was doing. Before I went- before I went to the hospital, I read a lot of stuff from people who were really hurt, not just authors and stuff but people who watched my videos who were hurt by stuff in them. People think that I hate ace people and women and bisexual people and lesbians and that's not true. It's really- it's just- it’s not true. And I’m sorry that stuff made it into videos that just shouldn’t have been there: misinformation and lies... But I promise you I did not write that stuff.

I should have been a lot more exacting when Nick and I would be editing scripts but I promise you that those are not- I don't think those things. I specifically want to apologise to asexual people who feel that I just completed delegitimised you. Nick being ace, I- I know that it's kinda like you know, no two gay people are exactly the same, no two ace people are exactly the same, but I kind of, when it came to that I just kind of ran with Nick's judgement and his observations and stuff like that. And I’m not trying to throw Nick under the bus, which a bunch of people are saying that I was setting him up as doing, which is not true…

This whole thing, Nick and I were 50/50 partners, it wasn't I hired him to have a scapegoat or something like that. I never hired Nick. Nick and I were roommates for years before I started doing Youtube videos and then they started- people started watching them and I asked Nick if he wanted to help me write them and he said yes and we started splitting the- first the AdSense and then the Patreon and then the sponsorships, we just split everything. Nick was never supposed to be a fall guy.

I'm sorry. Maybe I should have waited longer to do this. But yeah, I- the- I did not- I don’t think those things and I don't think Nick does either, I think it was just how fast we were writing stuff, and how fast we were putting videos out, it was just too fast. And we weren’t putting the care into them that needed to be put into them.

I've seen a lot of people on social media and other youtubers even lying about me, but other- other- Hbomberguy was not one of them, I just wanna be clear about that, except I was never setting Nick up to be a fall guy and. It was never a grift or anything like that. I swear it was not. It is not.

In the next couple of days, I'm gonna send out a message to the Telos supporters on Indiegogo and explain the whole situation in more detail to them because we were not super clear about everything that was going on with Telos and so I can- I understand if it seems like we weren't doing anything but we were. We were doing a lot of work on Telos. We just weren’t talking about it is because we- we made that initial first announcement for ‘final girl’ and that fell through and I'll explain that to the message I send out to the supporters which I'm sure will end up on reddit or somewhere… And after that we didn't- we didn't want to talk about it too much until we had something really concrete, and I will explain all of that in that message

Telos was and is not a grift. I was never gonna take the money and run. None of the money that came in for telos was ever going to be paying me or Nick. It was going to be paying queer actors and artists, musicians, things like that. And I know there's been lots of talk about budgets and all this stuff, and people saying that I'm really stupid for thinking a movie could be made for that little money, but there are examples of it being done, and I actually do have a work ethic.

Anyway. but yeah. anyway

I do want to keep making videos and I know a lot of you won't watch them and that's- that's fine. But I really liked making videos…

We ended up making a lot of videos we didn't wanna make because people were asking for them, and so there were a lot of videos that we made that we didn't wanna make, and I think those videos are very clear on which ones those were. One of them never got officially released. It was released to patrons, some patrons have shared it to other people before all the videos went private. A lot of people hate the analysis that Nick and I did on it but. And so maybe it's good that that never got properly released, because… maybe it would have hurt people. And I don't want that.

But I do wanna make videos again sometime. I'd love to do like retrospectives on important gay movies. If you watch the channel ‘Be Kind Rewind’ they're an amazing channel that do a lot of retrospectives on older Hollywood movies and I would love to do that for gay movies. A lot of gay movies, people my age and younger have never heard of, things like ‘Torch Song Trilogy’ and ‘Longtime Companion’, and stuff like that, movies from the seventies and eighties and the nineties, things that were like really influential for gay cinema that no one talks about. And you know, I'd like to talk about not just those movies but how they got made and stuff like that. I would love to do something like that.

I swear on my mother's grave that there will be no copying people, no copying pasting. Every source will be cited in a document and on screen. ‘Cause I usually liked doing the research. I loved doing research - reading the books and articles and stuff like that. I- the part of me that was lazy was the copy and paste part. Instead of just putting it into my words and citing them properly and giving them credit… that's where the laziness came in. That was- I wasn't trying to be malicious. That was just laziness. And I promise for anyone who does watch the videos that I make going forward… I promise that will never happen again. I welcome the highest level of scrutiny on the new videos.

…

As for Patreon, I’m going to reactivate it. Because I saw a lot of people on social media saying that I was probably going to reactivate it right on January 1st so that everyone could get a surprise billing and I could take the money and run. And, no. First of all that was never my plan and I'm not gonna do it. I'm gonna reactivate it now so that anyone who wants to leave - which I imagine will be the vast majority - can leave and not have to worry about being billed again in January.

… Yeah. So. In closing. I'm again incredibly sorry... And again I'm not sorry because I was caught, I honestly didn't know how much I was hurting people… and how much harm I was bringing to the community, because that's not ever what I intended. I wanted the channel to be a safe place. I spent so much time deleting comments that were hateful

I recently found out that I wasn't being notified about- that I wasn’t seeing comments that were in replies to other comments so there were plenty of hateful comments in the comment section that were plenty hateful that I wasn’t seeing, and I didn't know that. But I wanted the channel to be a safe place and it ended up not being a safe place.

And for the misinformation, that kind of falls into two categories. 1. I did the wrong research in the historical things and other things they're not what I wrote.

Again, thank you to Hbomberguy and his team for making the fund for the writers. I'd like to try to contribute to that somehow so- if- if it's okay to make the videos public and send all of the- public and send all- it won't be all of videos ‘cause some of them had to be taken down because sponsors wanted them taken down, but I can put the videos back up with the sources properly put in either- for the I guess for the videos that would be going up from zero, I could actually put in sources for the videos, which would be good.

I guess I could- For the other ones that would just be made live again, I could put them in a pinned comment. ‘Cause I think people read pinned comments more than they read the descriptions, cause like the descriptions disappear in a lot of places. Something like that. Something so that I can try and- it won't make up for what I did but just. Something.

So I’m really really really sorry. I hurt a lot of people that I really respect and that really sucks. And.  Nick if you're watching this I know you're probably not but I miss you and…

Yeah I want to do better. I want- I want to do better. I want to prove that I can do better. I don't expect anyone to just give me the benefit of the doubt. But I want to show that I can do better, so I hope you'll let me do that.

Again, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry that the things I did- I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I promise going forward I will do better.

Thanks for watching, and...

…

And I’m really sorry.

[redladydeath]

Some Vox human life headcanons that have been developing in my head over the past few weeks

He was born Vaughn Oxright in the late 1910’s/early 1920’s to a well-off, show-biz couple from Philadelphia

Was a child star from the ages of about 5 to 9, mostly doing live dance acts at mid-sized theaters across the US. That phase of his life was ended by a leg injury that never healed properly (neither he nor his parents wanted to slow down long enough for it to fully heal and he kept dancing on it until long-term damage was done), and his family had no choice but to settle back down in Philly.

First realized he was interested in men at age 11 when he became super attached to an older boy in his church’s youth group. He became very clingy and started sending the boy dozens of increasingly intense totally-not-love letters, which made the boy uncomfortable and got Vox switched out of the group. The fact that this was obviously a crush went unsaid, but not unnoticed by those involved. The rejection was devastating for Vox, and he swung hard into homophobia and petty displays of masculinity afterward.

He stayed out of show-biz during his teen years, but still participated in dozens of events and competitions— any opportunity to perform and receive praise.

Was drafted into WWII as a young man. Never saw combat on account of his old leg injury, but was instead assigned to work as an electrical engineer, building radar tech and other telecommunications materials. It was outside of his intended field of study, but he took to it quickly and became very close with the other men on his team. It was the last time in his life he could remember feeling truly happy.

Realized he was really, embarrassingly into BDSM (or at least the 40’s/50’s equivalent) via pulp novels, plus how excited he was made by the head of his team being cold/condescending towards him when he first joined. Took this secret to the grave, but always kept a stash of retro-style erotica wherever he was living.

After the war, he decided to get back into show business. Started dating and quickly married a girl from a wealthy, well-connected family. Things started off okay, but only took a few years to devolve into simmering animosity. He was self-absorbed and inattentive, she started using pills to cope. Neither of them had any interest in getting a divorce though, given the times and the damage it would do to both their reputations. They had two kids who were basically raised solely by their nanny. Their parents both loved them in their own ways, but were too wrapped up in themselves to pay them very much mind.

Vox quickly got involved in the television industry, using his good looks and charm to rapidly climb the ranks and land a job as a presenter. He was a pain to work with for anyone he deemed beneath him, but he was a great networker and could schmooze with the “important people” like nobody’s business.

Despite running in some pretty elite circles, his TV career never quite reached the heights he wanted it to. He was, objectively, quite successful, making good money and being the face of his own show, but he wanted to aim higher. He managed to finagle his way into a film role, hoping it would kick-start a new phase in his career, but despite being a great performer, Vox just wasn’t an actor. The film bombed. He didn’t take it well.

When he walked into the studio one day in the mid-50’s, ready to shoot another show, he had no idea it was to be his last day on Earth. He was just supposed to introduce a musical performance alongside his co-anchor, that was it. But for whatever reason, the crew decided that this time, they wanted them to do it using standing microphones. However, due to a mistake by one of the tech guys, Vox’s microphone was not properly grounded. When they started counting down and Vox put his hands on the mic, several hundred volts of electricity went coursing through his body. His heart stopped almost instantly. He didn’t have time to even register what had happened to him, just the sound of screams and the faint smell of burning flesh.

[alfredojesta]

okay self indulgent rant about my circus pasta headcanons (i call them "circus squad" which is funny because nathan vine and pup are far from circusy) (THIS POST IS SO LONG OMG I JUST DON'T SHUT UP)

PART 1: NATHAN AND CANDY POP

ever since nathan and ciara got married, candy pop treats nathan like he's his angsty teenage son. even though nathan is a grown ass man. and they've been best friends for years.

he shows up to nathan and ciara's house in the middle of the night with gifts and (store-bought) food. ciara wakes up and punches him out of surprise. "WHERE DID YOU COME FROM, POPS?" "OW — I COME WITH GIFTS!"

candy pop and nathan have a lot of trust in each other. nathan acts like an anti social freak but candy pop knows he's a silly little guy. candy pop isn't bitter at all that nathan spends more time with his wife than with the jester. candy pop is actually incredibly supportive of their relationship! he's very proud! he wants to be a good father and a great bestie! he even wanted to match with nathan so he made jason the toymaker marry him (IT ENDED IN A TERRIBLE DIVORCE)!

i think that nathan has supported candy pop the longest. they met when night terrors was still in commission and they worked together to stop night terrors and his cluster of souls from wreaking havoc. candy pop was beneficial to nathan as well. candy pop helped him get out of his shell and become as hopeful as he is today. nowadays, nathan's too busy with his own life to do pranks with candy pop. but candy pop doesn't mind it.

candy pop tries to be a good father to ciara. he does the most he can, but even then it doesn't feel like enough. ciara pushes him away, claiming she's able to protect herself. she isn't good with trusting people, not even candy pop. losing her twin brother made her cold and distant. being around the jarringly energetic candy pop makes her angry in a way. she doesn't know just how much candy pop relates to her life.

PART 2: VINE AND PAPA GRANDE

VINE??? oh he's like . 40. vine is more of a lowkey serial killer. his victims are normally documented as "missing". he hides his tracks well. he's the richest out of the six, having inherited most of his father's money and then used it to start a successful business.

he's besties with the puppeteer, papa grande and nathan. it was pretty difficult for them to get close to vine. vine is quiet, quite asocial for his age, and has a hard time trusting men. he was lucky enough to find people he could relate to.

when it comes to jason and candy pop... vine is 50/50 with them. sometimes he likes them, sometimes he doesn't. jason isn't fun to talk to; he doesn't listen, he's working 99% of the time, and he'll either sigh with annoyance or tell vine straight up "i do not care. get out." and then candy pop is candy pop idk what more to say about that.

then papa grande... he's a travelling magician who picks certain people from the audience to kill and add to his collection! he, like vine, isn't a famous serial killer.

papa grande rarely admits it but he sees these little guys as family. nathan is like his adopted son... annoying adopted son. they constantly joke about papa grande breaking his back or having a heart attack, and at some point, papa grande thinks they're praying on his downfall.

jason learns all his magic tricks from papa grande — usually against his will. papa grande genuinely thought jason was a magician because of his tophat and cane. but no. jason is just a fancy british guy.

candy pop's an exception when it comes to the familial bond. candy pop is like a dog he found on the street. candy pop is a menace. he keeps waking up papa grande in the middle of the night and asking him to do magic tricks. "PAPA WAKE UP!" "WHAT" "MAGIC TRICKS!" "WHAT."

PART 3: THE PUPPETEER AND JASON

i have a bunch of headcanons for THE MALE MANIPULATORS. i think the toymaker and the puppeteer would get along great.

FIRST OF ALL, the puppeteer actually respects jason. he was a bit intimidated by jason at first, but after getting to know him, he's come to look up to him. pup admires jason's craftsmanship, finding his work to be beautiful and inspiring.

SECOND OF ALL, as a toymaker himself, jason is intrigued by pup being a living puppet. sometimes he asks to reconfigure the puppeteer's wooden limbs. to that, the puppeteer politely declines.

THIRD OF ALL, they are SENSIBLE PEOPLE... usually. they're both manipulative and selfish freaks who get angry when things don't go their way... i reckon they have conversations over tea about how many people they've fucked up this year. "five women in one month? scandalous." "do not word it like that."

pup is a wanderer. wanderers don't have places to stay. wanderers wander into peoples' apartments ("they are called flats" – jason) and overstay their visits... jason let him stay ONCE. ONCE. and the puppeteer decided to take it as "oh i can come over whenever i want!"

thankfully he isn't a messy guy... he's just odd. he always turns on the tv just to watch it for three minutes and then head to the kitchen to cook dinner. but he never finishes cooking dinner because he gets distracted by the tv he played in the living room an hour ago. jason hears it all happen.

pup also tries to console jason about his anger issues. he keeps seeing holes punched into the wall and it's concerning. (i think punching holes into walls actually makes jason angrier. like what the fuck do you mean you're that weak. dumbass wall.) pup makes sure not to enable his anger... he is the exact opposite of candy pop and nathan.

the puppeteer very much loves his friends and will do anything for them (he does not have many friends). whenever someone takes the toymaker's tophat, the puppeteer is the one to return it. even if it ends up at the side of a cliff in nevada, he'll get it back for the toymaker. although, the toymaker usually doesn't want the tophat back...

jason thinks the puppeteer can be overbearing at times but he isn't as bad as candy pop, so things are okay. plus, jason can always mess with the puppeteer as much as he messes with jason. whether it's scaring him off with a toy or shaking salt in front of him, pup is such an easy target.

OKAY THAT'S ALL (i have more just saving it for other posts xD)

they're rlly interesting characters :') genuinely my favourites. i love them so much... i have a candymaker rant right here too for anyone who wants to read

[oddballwriter]

Abigail Headcanons

Summary: A collection of loose hc that I have for the daughter character that I've created in the past for the moon boys and the reader

Warnings: Not much. Abi does canonically have a pet tarantula though so beware of that. 

Author’s Snip: I just miss her tbh

I’ll shut up now. Enjoy! And don’t be afraid to request.

Her full legal name is just Abigail L/N-Spector, but in spirit she is Abigail L/N-Spector-Lockley-Grant, you and the boys call her that as a joke but also when you’re mad at her when she’s done something bad.

She’s fluent in both Spanish and French because Steven and Jake taught her both languages respectively since the day she could talk. This actually caused a bit of an issue in the later years of her school career because she was fluent to the point that she would have just passed both common and advance classes. So she just had a free period during the time she would have had her language classes.

She has a pet tarantula she’s named Maple. She got her when she was around 11 or 12 because she wanted one as a pet. The boys set a really high mark to see how dedicated and responsible she could be while also hoping that maybe by the time she reached it she’d want a “normal simple pet” like her own fish, or hamster, maybe a turtle, or literally anything else. But when she reached that goal she still wanted a tarantula and the boys promised and they are unfortunately fathers of their word. Thankfully she’s the only one who handles her because she’s HER pet, but Steven is scared of Maple, Marc isn’t too bothered as long as Abi keeps her away from him, and Jake is okay with her and is actually quite fond of her and will take a gander at her in her tank whenever he’s in Abi’s room.

She has a bad habit of chewing her pens and pencils. She’s tried breaking this habit and was vaguely successful, but it’s only when she’s in public or around others. When she’s in private she still does it.

Her favorite subject in school was biology, anatomy, and psychology. Her least favorite was math and physics. She thinks math is boring. That’s also why she dislikes physics but she also had straight up beef with her physics teacher. Why there was beef? The world may never know.

As a kid, Steven would encourage her to read books by paying her 50 cents for every chapter she read. This was basically her allowance until she was given a real allowance later in her life because she had read so many chapters that she’d have a good amount of money saved up from all the books she’d read.

Abi was taught to always be polite and respectful and follow the golden rule. But is she decides that she’s had enough and wants to put people in their place she will very much do so and will verbally eviscerate them. She has Steven’s sass and Marc’s temper in there somewhere and she’s not afraid to use it. Along with Jake’s self defense lessons in case someone wants to fight. This may or may not be where the physics teacher beef originated from.

She can see Khonshu and they have a unique grandfather and granddaughter dynamic. Khonshu denies that he has an attachment to Abi but he secretly cares for her to a considerable degree and was unofficially a part of her life and he secretly goes out of his way to protect in case she’s ever in danger. Sometimes she messes with him by calling him grandpa and other iterations. He calls her “little worm” or “smallest worm” but when he wants to soften up her calls her “Starlight” or “Stardust”.

In addition, Khonshu was banned from giving permission to Abi as a kid by you and the boys because he’d give her permission on things that you didn’t want her to do. So there was a rule made that “Grandpa Khonshu’s permission doesn’t count.”

[loopscereal]

Pero no lo hicisteee final 100 hrs have been entered

fred by himself cause i did his shoes with everythign and the little meat texture. Why would i do that if its not mesnt to be visible? May god know cause i dont. uhh the background. yeah ok. uh Fred doesn't have to reflect Freddy in clothes or hairstyle anymore! Boys uniform! Higher, tighter pony tail! also their little jacket. Make up around their eyes, and they have gained acess to COLOR. Hes no longer restricted to shades of purple, too bad hes emo and will only branch out to red TOT. anyway yay for them. uhh uhhh also he has a new sparkle. he has a little yellowy orange sparkle in his chest, right on their tie. they didnt have that before :) new sparkle

im glad were all miserable about how fred is on the floor but also agree that freddy looks best when hes at his worse! keep up that look, youre a natural !! bbbbuhhhh

SUELTENME SUELTENME SUELTENME SUELTENME SUELTANME ok normal, hi pia :3 glad you noticed. im so diseased about when they swap colors in canon.... wughgh misery...

not so fast! theyre both so fucking bad at this game! the game being existing. Fred feeds the body and like. the most basic of maintenance but they too mistreat it in their own special way <3. ANyways how does this scene change? uh. god. i feel like it adds a lot ofc content but i dont. know. thinking about camp makes my head scream... as i imagine it mutates and changed even after having drawn these. living organism....

in my head their body "prioritizes" freddy a lot, like. IF fred is in control while freddy is sleeping, and freddy wakes up, it sorta auto-kicks fred out if they arent prepared and get caught off guard, BUT freddy isnt exctly. too present. hes not the most anchored person to his own self so if fred, can simply push him out pretty easy so long as they arent abnormally weakened, and if they were to fight for it fred will typically win. As for body auto responses, i think it does eventually kick the current pilot out, or mess things up and force them both in or both out, ("how does that work" sh sh sh dont even worry about it... <3 please.) buuuut i think it takes a long time for the body to get to that point, to the point where it does those auto responseds. Freddys gotten it pretty used to well, itself. it doesn't send out the signals that it should, or at best, not as strongly.

Okay why is Freddy all glitchy when out side and not sparkly? beeecause well. cromatic aberation occurs when a lense fails to align and focus wavelengths of color all on the same point. What the hell does that have to do with freddy? (what the hell happens int hat goddamn highschool?) uh! hes totally unfocused. in his entire self. and in his worldview, his view of strangers, of his friends, family. exc. Hes got like at least three different "lenses" he can view himself in, and at least two "good or bad" lenses he can see any given person through. IF anything is certain about him, its his instability. In idenity, in stances, in views, in beleifs, in emotions, in everything. An so, he gets the aberation efffect, cause he is !!! pulling!! apart! no focus, no stability , no alignment, no trust, no brother, no one to rely on, no money, no goals, no self esteem, no style, no shoes, no affirmation, no bitchessssssss also i have freddy at like 18 opacity (and the cromatic aberation layers are also at 1* so lets charitibly say hes at 50 total) and Fred is at like 80/85/90 on any given drawing of these, because freddy literally has less soul. uh. magic stystem or whatever freddy was emoty enough in the cup that holds his soul that he could fit a shadow, who turned into a whole ass person instead of some litttle creature...... fucked up. empty ass. anywho. enough of that miserable prick. freds got glow and sparkles cause hes got a lot of soul, hes got a lot in him, and would shine under any circumstance. stand out in some way bc hes just. like that. he is absolutly bursting at the seams with STUFF that is just not being let out. Hes curious. they wanna learn andexplre and live so fucking badly, the want to live and exist on their own terms and its so much passion and drive and will to live all bottled in this little being unable to be expresseddddd. one of these is more positive than the otherrrrr im sure theres sone negative side i missed on fred and a positive side to freddy that i missed but uh. its. 12am as i am writing and scheduling this so.....

if i had a dollar for every time i thought abt fnafhs id have 1 dollar bc i have not fucking stopped.

[depressedhouseplant]

🔞 Just Fucking Write - Day 67 🔞

Prompt: Royalty - Yunho x Fem!Reader

Tags: Narrator is female, unprotected sex, childhood friends to fucking in a garden, squirting, dirty talk

A/N: I feel like this is the lovechild of Day 24 & Day 37. I wouldn’t go so far as to say Yunho is cheating because he’s not technically engaged yet, but it’s the same vibe. You be the judge.

Yunho was waiting at the table in the gazebo when I arrived.

“You said six pm,” I said, checking my watch. It was 5:50.

“Maybe I wanted to make sure you were on time,” he said.

“It’s not my fault you’re always early,” I sat down across from him.

“Is that any way to talk to a prince?” Yunho teased.

“Is that any way to treat your best friend since we were toddlers?” I smiled. His smile faltered.

“What?”

“I’m getting married,” he blurted out.

“You’re what?” I stared at him.

“My parents just told me a little while ago. She’s some duchess from a place I’ve never even heard of. I told them I wasn’t going to marry a stranger, but they wouldn’t listen. I guess her family has money or land or something they want. I’ve never even met her, but they’ll be here tomorrow and they’re holding an engagement ceremony tomorrow night,” he was practically hyperventilating when he finished. I got up and knelt down in front of him.

“Breathe. It’ll be okay,” I held his face in my hands.

“How? My parents aren’t going to change their minds and I don’t want to marry a stranger. I don’t want to marry anyone,” he looked at me, the lights shimmering in his eyes.

“We are only 25,” I agreed.

“No, it’s not that. It’s because I’m in love with someone else,” he replied.

“What? Who? Why didn’t you tell me?” I went to pull my hands back and he caught my wrists.

“Because it’s you. I love you and I never knew how to tell you,” he said.

“How long?” I asked.

“Since I figured out what love was. I think I knew for sure when you went to college and I saw you with other guys. I got jealous,” he replied sheepishly.

“You know most of my male friends in college were gay, right?” I asked.

“I guess that didn’t matter to my lizard brain,” Even in the dark, I could see him blushing.

“Or your dick,” I smiled a little.

“I do think with my big head. Sometimes,” he smiled in return. I stood up, straddled his lap, and kissed him. I wasn’t one to examine my feelings too closely, but the kiss jolted something inside me. Something deep. Something old. Something that felt a lot like what I’d been told love feels like.

“That…” I began when we parted.

“Was something I’ve been wanting for a long time,” he finished.

“What else have you wanted?” I asked even though I was sure I knew the answer.

“You on my cock,” he replied, emboldened by our kiss.

“I think I’d like that too,” I kissed him again.

“I don’t have a condom,” he said.

“Don’t worry about it,” I got off his lap so he could open his jeans and pull down his underwear just enough to let his cock loose. His huge cock.

“I guess it is true what they say about guys with big hands,” I joked as I pulled off my panties. My pussy was almost dripping. Under any other circumstance I might have been embarrassed, but Yunho was my oldest friend, about to get engaged, and I wanted at least one ride on his cock before his parents forced him into a lifetime commitment.

“You know no one can hear us,” I said against his cheek when I seated myself on his dick.

“I know,” he replied.

“Then let me know how it feels to have my pussy on your dick,” I pulled the top of my dress down and unhooked my bra, letting my chest hang out. I didn’t usually wear dresses, but I was grateful that I had tonight. His hands almost completely held my boobs, periodically flicking my nipples as he ran his hands over them. I began to ride him hard.

“You feel so fucking good. So fucking wet. Everything I wanted,” he whined.

“Everything?” I tangled my fingers in his hair and kissed him again.

“Everything,” he confirmed. “I’m not gonna last.”

“That’s fine. I want you to make a mess of my pussy,” I replied. We couldn’t have been going for more than a few minutes before I felt his cock twitch inside me the first time.

“That’s it, baby. Let that fat cock wreck me. You’re gonna come in me so hard that you black out for a second,” I breathed.

“Yes,” he squeaked.

“But not before I squirt all over you. Bet you didn’t know I could do that,” I told him.

“Oh fuck,” he moaned as I clenched around him. I came, squirting all over his lap. A second clench and he was coming inside me. He bucked and moaned, emptying everything he had into me.

“This was not how I imagined our first time,” he said after he caught his breath. I was resting against his chest, still mostly exposed, playing with the collar of his shirt.

“But?” I prompted.

“But I’m glad I got to be with you once, Y/N,” he kissed my hair.

“Me too,” I agreed. “Me too.”

Damn his parents. Damn the monarchy. Most of all damn me for not seeing it all sooner.

[an-au-blog]

Kissing booth but its zosan

I'll just assume you're not talking about the movie, (if I'm wrong, correct me, I can work with that too... i think) to which I will say: yes. I agree.

I mean listen -

Vivi started a fundraiser for charity and she decided that it'd be fun if they made it in a more festive manner. To which Sanji is happy to help because, how could he say no to a beautiful lady in need? Zoro on the other hand did not want to go but Nami blackmailed him into doing this "eentsy weetsy" favor for her girlfriend. (He still owes her money.)

Luffy, Zoro and Franky help with carrying the heavy things. Usopp and Franky do the lights and music set-up. Sanji does cooks the food and the rest help with decorations and setting up different attractions.

Once the event began, they put Franky and Robin in the haunted house, Book has a performance, Luffy is let to run around because he can't stay in one place and so on everyone is at attractions. Sanji thought he was going to be at the food stands, but then Nami drags him aside to an empty standalone booth. What was even more confusing was that Zoro also had one right next to his.

Nami as if talking to toddlers: You guys are gonna be on kissing booth duty, isn't that exciting?!

Zoro: Wtf? No, I'm not doing that.

Nami, taking out her phone: Let's see, January - 50, February - 25, Match... wow 140 that's a lot, huh? Anyways, April -

Zoro: Okay, okay I get it.

Zoro got a line of beautiful girls, some young some old, but his attitude is the same for all of them. Irritation with slight boredom. Sanji on the other hand, had only a handful of women. Most were Okamas and his line was still twice smaller than Zoro's.

Sanji agrees because he would live to kiss pretty ladies. He doesn't need convincing, but Nami throws in a "I'm putting the two most handsome boys on these stands after all" just to ensure Sanji stays.

She also ended up giving them a quota to fulfill.

In their "hygiene break", Sanji grabs him by the collar and gets real close to his face.

Sanji: You think you're all that just because you got more ladies? Huh?

Zoro smiling for the first time since the festival started: Are you jealous of them, cook? Of you want a kiss, you gotta pay me first.

Sanji becomes furious and starts shouting at him but then a lady from the ones waiting speaks up.

Woman: Um, actually, I'd pay to see you two kiss.

Sanji: ...

Sanji: Pardon? Je ne comprends pas. ("I don't understand" in french)

Zoro looks at the woman: You have the money?

Woman: Yes.

And she put the money in the slot.

Zoro smiles again and shrugs: Welp, money's money. Works for me.

He grabs Sanji by the back of the neck and plants a kiss on his lips. It was short and as if out of spite. Not in a bad way. Im fact Sanji was surprised how much "not in a bad way" it was. His lips were soft and soaked in long overdue passion. He couldn't dare say it was in a good way though, he still had some pride to admit it.

Still, he was frozen in place.

Another "client" raised their hand in the air holding money: I want the same thing, please!

Zoro nodded and kissed Sanji again, ironically enough it broke Sanji's trance-like state. He was a bit too aware of everyone's eyes on them.

Zoro, amused and absolutely sure Sanji wouldn't do it, tilts his head in the person's depreciation, he laughed: You heard the clients, so what ya gonna do love cook?

A third person from the back, throwing in three times the price: I'll pay triple for Sanji to kiss him.

Sanji furrows his brow, takes a deep breath and pulls Zoro into a deep and passionate kiss that caught everyone off guard. Once he pulled away, they were both out breath and everyone was watching them wordlessly.

After a long moment of Sanji's determined eyes looking into Zoro's pleasantly shocked ones, the cook looked back at the people and announced: That's the last show your getting from us. Booths are open again.

After that, until the end of the night qt least eight more people asked if they could make them kiss each other again, but they said "no".

Afterwards Zoro was pulled aside before they could go to the others. He got pinned to the wall, Sanji's hands leaning on either side of his head. They were sharing air, almost like when they were fighting but if felt so much more intimate this time for some reason.

Sanji: Stop me if you don't like what I'm about to do.

After which Sanji kissed Zoro again. Not being watched must have been a factor, because if Zoro guessed by his movements and kisses, Sanji was no longer holding back on him.

Zoro never stopped him.

[heavyhitterheaux]

My Boyfriend Can Fall Asleep Anywhere (Slight NSFW 18+)

AN: He acts like you don't know him like the back of your hand

Synopsis: Your loving boyfriend can fall asleep anywhere as long as he has his most comfortable pillow which is you

Pairing: Urban Wyatt x Reader

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

"Babe, are you sure you still want to go? You hardly slept last night." You asked, while running your hand through his curls. 

You just knew he was about to fall over at any minute.

It was no secret how hard he worked all the time and you could tell that it was now catching up to him. He admitted that he hadn’t been sleeping a lot while on tour seeing how there were so many things going on and you took it upon yourself to come and spend time with him for a few weeks, hoping he would sleep better if you were near him.

“I’m fine, we can go.” He said leaning down to kiss you and you quickly gave him several pecks back.

“But…”

“We aren’t staying long anyway and then I’ll be able to go to sleep.”

“Um, the event isn’t even over until two in the morning.”

“We don’t have to stay that long, though.”

It was hilarious actually.

Urban was a known insomniac, however, he could fall asleep anywhere and has done it multiple times before. It could be in the middle of a full blown party and he would be knocked out on the couch.

“I’d rather you go to sleep now.”

“Before I give you this work?” Urban questioned and raised an eyebrow at you while you simply rolled your eyes.

“Urby, the only work that I’ll probably get from you is having you slide in me and fall asleep within five minutes. Cockwarming would suit this situation and not anything else.”

“Well damn.”

“But did I lie?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“Exactly.”

“Besides, I’m the one hosting the after party, how am I not going to show up?” Urban asked as he looked over at you changing out your shoes to match with the new outfit that you had put on.

“You’re about to fall asleep while we’re there, I know it.”

“Twenty dollars says I won’t.”

You did a double take to look at him and scoffed.

“Didn’t realize my boyfriend was so cheap.” You said while standing up and walking towards him. 

“I AM NOT! DIDN’T I JUST BUY YOU A CARTIER BRACELET? TAKE IT BACK.”

“NO!”

“FINE 50 DOLLARS!”

“Lord, help me.”

In one of the rare occasions, Jack would also be coming to the after party along with the rest of PG. You would think that because he would have all of his friends around him that it would be easier for him to stay awake, but you didn’t count on it and couldn’t wait for him to hand you your 50 dollars.

The after party was underway and you were currently sitting on Urban’s lap as he kept placing kisses along your neck. Once he had stopped doing that, you would look back at him every few minutes to make sure he was still awake since you noticed that his grip around your waist would loosen.

It was only a matter of time until he was out like a light.

And to think it was only midnight and there were two more hours to go.

“Baby? You okay?” You asked while turning around and looked to see that his eyes were closed and he had leaned his head back.

“I’m fine, I’m just resting my eyes.”

“And that’s what my dad says every single time before that man is out like a light. We got two more hours to go of this. Get this work my ass.”

“Don’t tempt me because I will give it to you right here.”

“You wouldn’t be able to stay awake long enough to get your dick out.”

“Wait a minute… URB?! ARE YOU SLEEP?!” Jack exclaimed while looking over at the two of you.

“NO!”

“NOT YET, ANYWAY!”

“BABY, CUT IT OUT!”

“YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAND ME MY MONEY NOW.”

“Wait, yall made a bet?” 2fo curiously asked while coming over to all of you with a drink in his hand.

“Only fifty dollars since my boyfriend is so cheap.” You said while rolling your eyes.

“Didn’t he just buy you a Cartier bracelet though?” Quiiso said while looking at your wrist.

“Doesn’t count, he only said fifty because he knows that he’s going to lose.”

Just then you felt Urban slide you off of his lap and you were now sitting next to him.

“What the?” You asked confused and looked over to see his extremely heavy eyes.

“Damn, Urb, just hand her the money now, you not about to last much longer.” You heard Shloob say from his spot on the other side of you.

Another twenty minutes had passed and you then noticed how Urban had now wrapped his arms around you and was face first in your boobs knocked out cold.

“And he said that he would be able to stay awake the entire time.” You said as you were simply playing in his hair.

“Is he? Is he really face first knocked out on your chest right now? In the middle of a party that he’s supposed to be hosting?”

“It never fails.”

You then heard muffling and realized that it was coming from Urban.

“Babe, what?!” You asked not understanding a word that he had just said. 

He then picked his head up to answer you before putting it back in its original position.

“I’m awake!”

“Urb, you were snoring face first in your girlfriend’s boobs. You were asleep.” Jack said while laughing at him.

“Run my girl her money.”

“Remind me to never get Urb to host any of my parties. How is he the host and he sleep?”

“For the last time, I’M AWAKE!”

“He’s just as bad as a toddler, fighting sleep.”

“He’s always been like that.”

“Yall are aware that I can hear, right?” Urban asked while turning his head to look over at them before going to face plant right back in your boobs.

“Urb, baby, your head is getting heavy. I didn’t realize I was going to be your pillow while we were here.”

“His head is kinda big.” Ace barely said above a whisper and you swore that you were probably the only one who heard him and laughed. 

Urban then looked up at you and pouted.

“Can we leave now?”

“Sure, as soon as you give me my money.” You said while kissing his nose and he immediately rolled his eyes in response.

“Or, how about that Cartier necklace I showed you the other day?” I mean, you might as well try, right?

“Don’t push it.”

“You’re just mad because your girlfriend was right.”

A little while later, the two of you were now laying in a comfortable silence in your hotel room after you had taken a quick shower and wrapped up your hair. You were surprised that Urban was still awake and all he was currently doing was staring at you. Even though your eyes were closed, you could still tell.

“Stop being a creep and go to sleep. You already fell asleep in my boobs earlier.”

“Do you blame me? They’re comfy and I’m not being a creep.”

“Then why are you staring at me?” You questioned him while peeking one eye open.

“Damn, I can’t look at my girl now?”

“You’re looking at me like you want something and my answer is about to be no because you need to go to sleep. Next thing you know Jack will be in the middle of performing and your ass will be asleep somewhere.”

“WILL NOT!”

“WILL TOO!”

“Anyway, remember what you said earlier?”

“I said a lot of things earlier and it was me primarily telling you that I knew that you would fall asleep.”

“Well, if you let me slide….”

“URBAN!”

“YOU SAID I COULD EARLIER!”

“All I said was that was probably the only thing you had enough energy for.”

“Sooooo? You gonna help me out or not?”

“Damn it, Urban. I swear I can’t stand you.” You said while sliding off your shorts and throwing them to the slide.

“That’s not what you were saying the other day when I had your cum running all over this dick.” Urban replied as you felt him slide into you. You tried your best not to give him the satisfaction of a reaction, but it happened anyway.

“Hmm my baby sounds like she wants me.” Urban whispered in your ear before kissing right below it and you immediately let out a whimper.

“I want you to go to sleep.”

“Hmm, really? Because your body is telling me otherwise.” You then felt Urban move his left hand downwards to rub massage small circles along your clit.

“If I ride you will you shut up and go to sleep?” You asked while glancing over your shoulder at him.

“You won’t hear a word out of me until tomorrow morning.” That was a lie, but you were desperate at this point for him to go to sleep.

You then sighed before flipping the two of you over without him slipping out of you and you lifted your hips up before slowing easing back down earning moans from the both of you.

“Shirt off now.” 

You then stopped your movements to slowly take off your shirt and was now on full display. All he could do was admire the sight in front of him.

“Damn, my girlfriend is beautiful.”

“I know, but you still haven’t given me my money yet.” 

“Ride me like you said you would and I’ll give you a lot more than that.”

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[hugmekenobi]

S2: The Bad Batch (11)

Chapter Eleven: Metamorphosis

Gif by @dreamswithghosts

Hunter x femaleJedi!reader

Series Summary: Some time has passed since everything that happened at Kamino and you and the Batch are trying to figure out your place in the rapidly changing Imperial galaxy. And you're having to do all this whilst figuring out where your relationship with Hunter fits into it.

Chapter Summary: A final mission from Cid sees you encountering something that you never would've expected.

Masterlist for S1

<Previous Chapter

Genre: Friends (idiots) to Lovers (we're in the lovers stage now)

Chapter Warnings: Canon-typical violence, very light angst and feelings/protectiveness, Hemlock making an appearance

Word Count: 3.6K

Author's notes: Very much just sticking to the episode, with a couple little extra scene details but it'll be a more chill read for sure! Hope you still enjoy! Excited to begin work on Ch12 and please do let me know on this post if there is a preference cause sometimes I need a little creative help lol

With you all having caught up on some sleep, it was time to get in touch with Cid and her reaction came as no surprise to any of you.

“Not sure what’s got you all twisted up in knots.”

“We were stranded on that planet, Cid. We needed you, and you left us.” Omega said hotly.

“You’re fine now, aren’t you? And you got your ship back.”

“Yeah, with no help from you.” Wrecker complained.

“Do you wanna mope or make money? Because I got a tip on a downed ship, which means cargo ripe for the taking. I’ll even give you 30% of the cut.”

You scoffed at the way she acted like she was giving you all a gift.

“That is our standard percentage.” Tech pointed out.

“All right. This one time, let’s say 35%.”

Wrecker thought that sounded okay but one glance at the rest of you told you that a better offer was expected.

“Okay, 40.” Cid said but again was met with hard stares. “Fine, 50% as a token of my goodwill, that you seem to have forgotten.” She added pointedly.

“Goodwill?” You repeated with a roll of your eyes.

Cid didn’t pay that any attention. “I’m sending you the intel now. Don’t come back unless you scavenge something valuable.”

“What makes you think we’d come back at all?” Hunter countered.

“Don’t test me, Bandana. Just get it done.” Cid snapped before she signed off.

Tech examined the intel on the datapad, “Severing ties with Cid could be problematic, considering what she knows about us. Perhaps we choose a diplomatic solution and complete this one last mission for her.” He suggested.

Hunter sat down and took the datapad from his brother. “Cid only sent coordinates. No ship transponder code or indication of what caused it to crash.”

“Limited intel. There’s a surprise.” You muttered as you stood beside Hunter’s seat.

“How hard could scavenging cargo be?” Omega offered.

“Omega, don’t ever lose that optimism.” You said affectionately before you heard a heavy breath leave Hunter’s lips and there it was again, that exhausted sigh. You placed a supportive hand on his shoulder.

--

Omega gasped from her room as the ship left hyperspace and entered the atmosphere, “There’s a village here.

“That would explain how the wreckage was reported so quickly.” Tech said in reply from his seat in front of the hall control panel. “The crashed vessel appears mostly intact. The cargo aboard should be in fair enough condition to transport.”

--

The ship landed and fully kitted up, you all left the ship, and searched for the vessel.

It didn’t take long to find.

“What kinda ship is this?” Wrecker asked as he studied the wreckage.

“Don’t know. No hull markings.” Hunter responded.

You shone your torch across it. Whatever had caused this ship to crash, it had made it crash hard. There were no signs of life and there was debris scattered all around the main crash site.

“Based on the severity of the impact and the lack of communication signals, the crew aboard most likely perished.” Tech said as he stared at his datapad.

Omega had climbed up to access the door. “We don’t know for sure. They could be trapped inside. Come on.”

“All this time with us, how has she kept this up?” You pondered as you made to follow her up.

“Couldn’t tell you.” Hunter agreed, a smile in his voice. He knew the rest of you had been hardened by war and had seen the very worst of people and it had left its mark. You all could find that hope when you really needed to, you wouldn’t have made it this far otherwise, but it didn’t come as easily as it used to, and he worried that that would start to show in Omega, but he was yet to see that. If she could keep that type of outlook and strength within her, then they’d have done something right.

--

The door whirred open, and Hunter and Omega shone their lights into the dark corridor, but it seemed to be clear.

Hunter led the way in.

--

The more you walked through the ship, the more uncomfortable you got. It was eerily silent and empty, yet you felt like you were just waiting for something to jump out from any number of the dark corners, leaving you with the sensation that you were intruding.

“Where is everyone?” Omega breathed.

Wrecker’s foot nudged something on the ground. “Oh, check it out.” He gasped eagerly as he picked it up. “High-volt electrostaff.”

You barely registered what he said, you were too busy examining the markings on the wall.

Tech followed your trail of light with his own. “Something unfortunate happened here.”

“Whatever did this wasn’t human.” You added.

“I will get the power restored and check data logs on the bridge.” Tech said.

“By yourself?” Omega whispered nervously.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that one, Tech.” You agreed.

“Your concern is not warranted. I will be fine.” Tech said dismissively.

“Famous last words of anyone whose wandered off into a creepy, dark space.” You muttered but your concern was obvious.

Tech simply shrugged. “I will rejoin you all momentarily.”

With a sigh, you split up and the four of you continued your exploration whilst Tech went to the bridge.

--

What the rest of you next discovered as you carried on exploring the ship was not what you were expecting. Your torch light shone on what appeared to be some sort of tank and you immediately noticed the abrupt change of temperature.

“Why is it so cold in here?” Wrecker asked.

“It’s some kind of lab.” Hunter deduced as he led the way around the room.

“This medical equipment is Kaminoan.” Omega said, her breath coming out as smoke.

“Huh. So, what’s it doing here?” Wrecker asked.

Omega looked down at a broken piece of equipment. “It’s their cloning technology but this configuration is different than anything I saw in Tipoca City.”

Hunter clicked his comm. “Tech, find anything on the bridge?”

--

“Not yet. Still rerouting the reserve power. Stand by. The grid should be restored momentarily.” Tech was then distracted by a loud clatter. He followed the sound to what he thought was the source which was a broken droid that was repeatedly saying ‘danger.’ “What happened? What attacked this ship?” He asked it but it simply stuttered ‘danger’ again powered down. It was then he heard the sound of something clanking above him again and he knew he needed to find his way back to the rest of you.

--

Wrecker examined and touched a gloopy like substance next to a section of scratched on the walls. He grunted in disgust. “These are reinforced walls. What were they keeping in here?”

There was a faint creaking sound echoing throughout the room and the hairs on the back of your neck stood up. “I don’t know, but it’s still on board.”

The sound of water dripping and something chittering about you all started to grow louder and it was then you caught sight of a creature you’d never seen before hanging upside down from the ceiling, saliva dripping form it’s jaws but there was also an electric spark coming from its mouth which reminded you of something, but you couldn’t remember what.

“Hunter, what is that?” Omega whispered.

“Back away slowly.” Hunter ordered quietly. He kept a protective arm out in front of Omega as he did so.

You all did as he said but suddenly a pipe burst and you all instinctively turned to look at it but when your attention went back to where the creature had been, you were horrified to see that it had jumped down from the ceiling and was now stalking towards you all.

You made to step out, but Hunter’s hand caught your wrist.

“You’re not going to try and connect with this.”

“Hunter-”

“This isn’t something that’s up for debate. It’s an order. You’re not going near it.” He said firmly as he pulled out his blaster.

“Hunter, this isn’t going to help.” You hissed as you reluctantly did as he said and drew your blaster.

“This thing destroyed this ship. I’m not taking any chances here.”

Wrecker attempted to stab it with the electrostaff but the creature simply snatched and swallowed it.

You, Hunter, and Wrecker let out a series of shots as the creature screeched and made to lunge for you. There wasn’t a fatal hit but luckily your actions seemed to be off putting enough as it retreated back up to the ceiling.

The four of you stayed on guard but it was then that the power came back on so at least that made seeing this thing an easier task.

Any relief at having actual light was short lived for a rattle behind you saw you all turn to see the animal again only this time it didn’t hesitate to charge at you all.

You- thanks to your Force abilities- were able to dive over it and Hunter reacted quickly enough to grab Omega and jump out of the way. Wrecker unfortunately got knocked to the side.

The four of you sent a round of blaster fire down the corridor after the creature but it was too fast and too slinky for any shot to find a weak point and it turned around the corridor out of sight.

“Tech, we’ve got a problem. Get off the ship. Now!” Hunter urged into his comm.

--

Tech was already running as he replied, “I suspect this is some type of research vessel.”

--

“We know!” You said as the four of you ran through the corridors whilst keeping an eye out for any sign of the creature.

“And whatever they were researching just got loose.” Omega added.

“And it’s headed your way.” Hunter informed him.

--

You all rounded the corner to be met with an incredibly bizarre sight: the creature appeared to be feeding off the electricity coming from one of the power outlets on the ship and the creature itself seemed to be using it as a way to… grow?

“Does that thing look different to you?” Wrecker asked nervously.

It did but again, something about this animal was striking some degree of familiarity in you and you were infuriated that you couldn’t think of how or why that was the case.

Tech had appeared on the opposite side of the corridor, but he came to an abrupt halt as he witnessed what this animal was doing. He was not deterred by the fact that now its attention was on him, in fact he liked that it gave him a brief moment to study it. “Fascinating.” He murmured to himself as he watched the electrical energy be absorbed by the animal.

The four of you weren’t prepared to let the creature get closer to him. You opened fire once more to distract it.

“Take cover.” Tech ordered you all as he pointed his blaster to one of the power outlets.

Wrecker picked up Omega and turned to shield her body with his own whilst Hunter did the same with you, minus the picking up part.

Tech fired the shot.

The explosion created a hole in the ship which gave the creature the chance to slip away.

You all followed it out but lost sight of it in the woods.

Tech lowered his visor and saw the fading heat signature of the animal. “The creature appears to be headed in the direction of the village.”

“We’re the ones who let it out. We have to neutralize it before it hurts anyone.” Hunter said.

“How? Our blasters our useless on it.” Wrecker countered.

“Given the fact that the crew was most likely eaten by the creature, I doubt it is currently hungry-” Tech said nonchalantly.

“It ate the crew?” Omega interrupted, backing into you with fear.

You laid a comforting hand on her shoulder. “How is that helping, Tech?” You scolded.

“It ate the crew.” Omega repeated breathlessly.

“Just stop.” You advised as you saw Tech getting ready to say something else.

“Access the lab files and find out what species we’re dealing with and how to stop it.” Hunter directed Tech.

“Mmm, I can help.” Omega offered, finding her courage again. “I know my way around Kaminoan tech.”

“Go.” Hunter said. “You two, with me.” Hunter ordered you and Wrecker and the three of you set off for the ship.

--

“Hunter, if we can’t take care of this thing before it hurts anyone, you need to let me at least try my way.” You said as you got into the co-pilot’s seat whilst he got the ship in the air.

“I know.” Hunter agreed. He regretted not letting you do it earlier, he’d let emotion be the ruling judgement in the heat of the moment. Balancing both his professional and personal relationship with you was something he was still finessing.

“See anything?” Wrecker called from the gun turret as he scanned the woods below.

You looked at the scopes. “Zero, two, five.”

Wrecker saw it then. It was moving fast. His shots couldn’t make a hit and it disappeared from view.

“Did you get it?” Hunter asked.

“No.” Wrecker grunted.

--

Tech had managed to infiltrate the lab’s files. “Look at this.” He said to Omega as he examined the information on his datapad. “These appear to be designs using the creature’s genetic material for modified armour plating. That must be why it was unaffected by our blaster fire.”

“Then how do we stop it?” Omega asked.

“Uncertain.” Tech unplugged and moved on to the next panel. “However, this confirms that the species feeds on energy, which propels its rapid growth.”

“You mean it’ll get even bigger?!”

Tech’s eyes widened as he stared at the information on the screen. “Yes. Much bigger.”

--

Your jaw dropped as you watched out the window as the ship past over the woods. The creature had reached a power plant and had drastically transformed and then it hit you. “Hey, I recognise it now!” You hadn’t been there the day Coruscant was attacked but you had seen the holonet reports and the images were pretty memorable.

“You recognise it?” Hunter repeated, stunned.

“I wasn’t there and I’m blanking on what it’s called but it attacked Coruscant a few years ago.” It was then that Tech’s voice came through the comms and confirmed what you were saying.

“Hunter, the creature is the same species that attacked Coruscant during the war. You must not let it get near the power grid or it will increase exponentially in size.”

Yeah, you were pretty clued into that now. “We were a bit late on that one, Tech.” You responded as the creature spotted your ship and let out a roar.

Hunter took evasive action but not before the creature’s tail collided with the side of the ship.

“Still want me to drop you off?” Hunter glanced at you as he righted the ship.

You grimaced. “Uh maybe not right now.” The animal was too aggressive now, too scared and felt to threatened. There would be no room for you to work your way into forming any kind of bond with it. If it really came down to it, you would go but it didn’t need to happen right away yet.

Hunter was quietly relieved although he knew that if things got too out of hand, you would be the only option they had left.

--

The best strategy you guys had come up with to protect the village was being the source of distraction. Wrecker continuously opened fire on it but it was having no effect.

“Stop it before it gets any larger.” Hunter said to Wrecker.

“I’m trying!” Wrecker shouted back.

You took a deep breath. “Hunter, you gotta put me in there.” It was the only other option you had.

Hunter’s jaw clenched but he nodded.

You moved towards the door but just as Hunter got the ship in position, the alarms went off. “We’ve got ships on our tail.” He swerved the ship out the way as they opened fire.

You stumbled backwards. “Where’d they come from?” You said as you righted yourself and Gonky before you went back to the cockpit. There was no chance of you getting down to the animal now.

“Hold on.” Hunter signalled as he kicked the ship into high gear.

“Tech, Omega, you’ve got Imperial inbound. Get out of there.” You said urgently into you comm.

--

Omega picked up her comm as she heard your voice. “On our way.” She replied before she looked to Tech who showed no signs of hustle as he stared at his datapad. “Tech, let’s go.”

“Not yet. I am not finished transferring all of the data.”

An explosion sounded outside, and the ship shook with the impact of it and the power went out.

“Come on.” Omega implored before she started to run.

Tech followed her but their way off the ship was tricky as it was starting to fall apart. The explosions continued to surround them. They managed to vacate it but not before a series of ships passed overhead and fired down at the wreckage.

Tech grabbed Omega and took cover from the resulting large explosion behind a larger piece of debris as the ship got completely destroyed.

--

You were too busy avoiding the other Imperial ships to see what exactly had been done to the creature, all you caught sight of was the power plant exploding. “They’re not killing it. They’re taking it.” You murmured as you saw the now unconscious creature being taken up into another Imperial ship. What could the Empire possibly want with something like that?

“Let’s not be next.” Hunter said, pulling you out of your thoughts.

“Hunter, they’re going to take that village.” You said quietly, unhappily, as you caught sight of some ships taking up position in front of the houses, but you knew that there was nothing you could do. You were outnumbered and Tech and Omega needed you guys to get them out.

“We can’t help them.” Hunter said regretfully. He wished they could, but they’d be no good to anyone if they were dead and if they didn’t get out of here soon, that’s how they would wind up and Tech and Omega needed out of there too.

--

Tech and Omega paused for breath and Tech tapped into his comm. “Hunter, we’re clear of the vessel and heading to the landing zone.”

“Copy that.” Hunter acknowledged and he got the ship in position. He didn’t let it land though, there were too many ships on their tail to do that. The best he could do was slow it down and open the main doors.

Tech leaped onto the stairs and grabbed Omega’s hand as she jumped up after him to get her secure. The two of them made their way into the ship and sat, with Tech making sure Omega’s safety support was down first before he did his own.

Hunter got the ship out of there and sent it into hyperspace.

--

“The crashed vessel was part of the Imperial cloning operation.” Tech informed the rest of you as he sat in front of one of the control panels in the ship corridor.

“The Empire cloned the Zillo Beast?” You echoed as you stood behind Tech’s chair and studied the information on the screen.

“Yes and no.” Tech responded. “The directive came straight from the Supreme Chancellor before he became Emperor.”

“What’s he want with it?” Wrecker asked.

“The creature’s genetic material has the potential to be weaponized in the hands of the right scientist.”

“Where were they taking the creature?” Hunter asked his brother.

“Unknown. The ship did not have a destination logged. Hunter, there is far more to this than we realised. From what I have gathered, I suspect the Empire did not destroy the cities on Kamino to end cloning.”

“They wanted to control it.” You said softly but there was a hint of anger in your voice.

“Indeed.” Tech said in agreement.

Hunter set off towards the cockpit but paused hallway and turned back to face Tech. “Send the data to Echo and Rex. See what they can find out.”

--

Daro

“Doctor. The creature has been recovered and is now safely secured below.”

“Good. And our other guest?”

“The shuttle is arriving now.”

The doctor set off towards the landing platform with a squad of troopers. “Did any of the villagers see the Zillo?” He asked the leader.

“Several. The locals have been detained and will be dealt with. However, one vessel escaped our assault. It was a military class shuttle.”

“Find out who it was.”

“Yes sir.”

The doctor watched on ahead as the shuttle landed. “Hello, Prime Minister.” He greeted the Kaminoan as he came off the ship. “Apologies. Former Prime Minister.”

“Why have I been brought here?”

“The cooperation of you chief scientist has not been forthcoming. Nale Se’s defiance is problematic.”

“It must be frustrating to have your resources but lack the expertise to achieve your goal. And if you fail to convince her, it won’t be long before you are in a cell like me.”

The doctor was not intimidated. “I fear you misunderstand your situation here. If you know of a way to persuade the scientist, now would be the time to mention it.”

“Indeed. In exchange for my freedom.”

“I’m listening.”

“There is a particular clone you must locate. A young girl. She is the key to controlling Nala Se.”

“How very interesting.” The doctor invited him to follow him inside. “It seems we have much to discuss.”

Next Chapter>

Tagging: @noeasyisnoisy, @fuckoffthanos, @tpwkcalli, @graciexmarvel, @arctrooper69, @nightmonkeysstuff, @brujaporfavor, @flyingkangaroo, @sunkissedclones, @ladytano420, @keep-calm-and-drink-caf, @yyourmotherr, @xxeiraxx, @dragonrider9905, @starwarsnerd111

[static-scribblez]

The PS5 has been out for three years and Chris Dunne deserves one by now he deserves a PS5 the universe owes him one all of this is still this is the text this is all on the shirt the universe owes him a PS I did the math Will I did the math its it’s I did the math if if we made if we fuckin profit 10 dollars a shirt I I give you half of that I get five dollars a shirt I gotta sell 80 t-shirts in order to get a PS5 94 t-shirts if I’m including a copy of Baldur’s Gate 3 that’s doable that’s totally doable that’s all on the shirt all of this is on the shirt including this including this it’s doable I could sell 80 shirts that’s on the shirt too right this is all on the shirt okay this is all going on it’s all on the shirt that’s the shirt that’s my idea for some new merch that’s great that’s a great shirt yeah and the fun thing is that it could also be a poster or that’s true or like a mug or a drink or fucking anything I don’t know just who cares wait can you do that can you setup on the bigcartel like 12 different items all with right the same block of text on it yeah and the plan is to price all of those items I will profit enough enough to purchase a PS5 that’s a lot of items and the second I make 400 dollars they’re gone they disappear because this is a terrible thing for me to do I shouldn’t do this its so funny that’s no that’s such a good idea I just I’ve been thinking about just putting up a fucking PayPal link I’m done I need a PS5 dude that’s dude I I like I want I was just I’m fucking sitting at home just like ahhh here’s the thing I’m not gonna like fuckin I’m not gonna I I I I I don’t I don’t want to beg for money uh huh I didn’t think I wanted to beg people for money but then I took a long hard think about how badly I want a PS5 and I think I might be okay with it. I’ve been having fantasy’s about just going to target and looking at them ya know just fantasies about looking about just I just been maybe I’ll go to target or Walmart today and just look at the ps5s just to be like I could get that I could I could have one I could take it home I could take it I could just buy it today what’s stopping you then because I PS5 the price point its at right now its very dangerous because its an exact price point where I could buy it and it wouldn’t immediately ruin my life but it would make it so that my life gets ruined quicker a couple months down the line okay right which still makes it a bad purchase right yeah you know what I mean that’s kinda where I’m at okay so I say we do the t-shirt thing we make a t-shirt a mug a poster all the specific niche things that the drop shipping company that we work with prints on yeah do’m all all the printful stuff just the entire printful catalogue 50 items yeah the whole catalogue this huge block of text make socks fucking fill out the entire bigcartel page mousepads with as many items as they’ll let me put on thermoses just canvas prints every single possible literation on of it and if that bothers you there’s a very quick to get me to stop doing it just buy them you just need to be the 80th person to buy these fucking t-shirts that’s amazing can we give a prize to the 80th person who buys one uh well how much is the prize uh its its its um its you get a little sandwich kiss you and me each take a cheek and give him a little smooch alright well I’m just going to round and say its going to 40 bucks for travel expenses so that’s 8 more t-shirts we have to before we do that but then yeah sure ya know well then we just increase yeah exactly we just increase the number of t-shirts I have to sell right exactly

[fuck-customers]

Pls tell me someone else has been through something similar.

TL;DR: Paid for a strangers groceries. Got asked out by him through his friend. Denied coz Idk why he did that & uh... he was deff not femme presenting so not my preference (& I still feel bad about it lmao). 🥲 #rip

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

I don't hate this customer, but I constantly wonder if anyone has had a shared experience like this so if you have, PLEASE leave it in the comments (or reblogs).

(*Shared experience as in... a stranger/customer asking you out for something you did for them while on the clock or something you showed them at work that's a work perk.)

When I was a cashier at the american grocery store "English en Español", I was in a low income area. I constantly had cis men hitting on me for no valid reason, as I'm not the socially accepted aesthetic for "attractive" (probably because it was a small town so there wasn't much selection & I live in cities so I dressed/acted differently than most? Idk. I'm a transman, pre-t & pre-surgery, but present as femme for safety reasons, espec in small towns). I often didn't notice until coworkers told me after they had left or until the man, himself, told me straight up. It was common enough that we had a signal bc apparently I suck at picking up on people hitting on me. NO ONE working that night signaled for this one, despite several of my coworkers seeing this.

So needless to say, I did NOT see this coming.

There was a guy with two girls checking out their groceries at my register. It was late at night, close to closing. When it came to the guys portion of the groceries, he split things up to afford everything. (I feel that lol.) His card declined on the last part. He was maybe $25ish(?) short (idr exact amount). He asked to take off a few things & I was like "Wait, wait." & jumped around & slid my own card & paid for his stuff. At that time (about a decade ago) my finances were mostly stable. I was doing what I could for anyone who needed it. It wasn't abnormal for me to pay for people whose groceries got declined by under $50 if I had it that month. I was stuck at a grocery store all day & people quite literally need food. It's the *least* I could do while financially stable, yknow? He wasn't someone I singled out... just someone else I managed to have the privilege of helping.

But this guy looked like he was both a) about to cry & b) incredibly embarrassed. He barely whispered thank you to me before grabbing everything & RUNNING out the door. His two friends thanked me profusely & followed him out *normally*. Lol.

I didn't have anyone else to check out coz it was almost 10pm at that point, so I was just vibing at my register. Maybe 5 whole minutes later (yes, THAT LONG) one of the girls the guy was with comes back in & runs up to my register.

I didn't say anything coz I was confused. Why is everyone running? Why does everyone have so much energy? Jeeze. 💀

She said, quickly & excitedly, "Remember the guy you just saw that you paid for his groceries?"

Me: "👁👄👁... yeah?"

Her: "Well, he wanted to know if you wanted to go out with him. Like, on a date."

Me, confused, not knowing what to say, stalling: "Uhhhhhhm."

In my mind, I'm thinking: 'Why would he want that? Because I paid for his groceries? Does he think I'm one of those dommes that gives money to their subs? Oh no. I'm a sub, not a dom! Maybe he just thinks I'm nice? Oh god, he's gonna find out I'm NOT nice if we date... but I really only like femme presenting people. How tf do I say that in a small town where I don't want that to get out? I don't know what's happening here, but-"

Me, without hesitation: "Sorry, but ...I like women?"

Her: "👁👄👁... Was that a question?"

Me: "...No?"

Her: "... 👁👄👁 ...Okay, I'll tell him. Thanks!"

Again, with the running. Running out the door. To the car. They looked about the same age as me. Early 20s. Like... where are they getting this ENERGY??? 😭

He NEVER came into the location I worked at again while I was there for 3 years lmao. The two girls did. Ik he lived in the area. This was before the time of grocery delivery. So uh... I feel awful lol.

I also feel awful because I never really say no to anyone in that context or break up with anyone. I always force *them* to say no or break up with me so that I don't have to do it. 😅 I'd never in a million years lead anyone on coz that's completely unfair, but I really just need the other person to do it & I couldn't in that situation so it still sits in the back of my mind like, "oh my god what have I done" kind of catastrophic thoughts spiraling from there. Meanwhile, he probably doesn't even remember I exist. 💀

So rip to me, I guess.

Please tell me someone else has had some kind of interaction where a stranger/customer has asked you out or tried to get with you based on something you did (or did for them) on the clock or a work perk you showed them/they saw. 😭 Pls make me feel less alone in this lmao.

Also make sure to give the follow up tea! Did you go out? Did it work? Are you married? ☕️ 🦊

When I was 19 I gave a lady a coupon for money off (I'm 50 I forget how much it was for.) and this lady tried to hook me up with her 13yo daughter. I dunno if that counts.

-Rodney

[wormmilker]

The PS5 has been out for three years and Chris Dunne deserves one by now he deserves a PS5 the universe owes him one all of this is still this is the text this is all on the shirt the universe owes him a PS I did the math Will I did the math its it’s I did the math if if we made if we fuckin profit 10 dollars a shirt I I give you half of that I get five dollars a shirt I gotta sell 80 t-shirts in order to get a PS5 94 t-shirts if I’m including a copy of Baldur’s Gate 3 that’s doable that’s totally doable that’s all on the shirt all of this is on the shirt including this including this it’s doable I could sell 80 shirts that’s on the shirt too right this is all on the shirt okay this is all going on it’s all on the shirt that’s the shirt that’s my idea for some new merch that’s great that’s a great shirt yeah and the fun thing is that it could also be a poster or that’s true or like a mug or a drink or fucking anything I don’t know just who cares wait can you do that can you setup on the bigcartel like 12 different items all with right the same block of text on it yeah and the plan is to price all of those items I will profit enough enough to purchase a PS5 that’s a lot of items and the second I make 400 dollars they’re gone they disappear because this is a terrible thing for me to do I shouldn’t do this its so funny that’s no that’s such a good idea I just I’ve been thinking about just putting up a fucking PayPal link I’m done I need a PS5 dude that’s dude I I like I want I was just I’m fucking sitting at home just like ahhh here’s the thing I’m not gonna like fuckin I’m not gonna I I I I I don’t I don’t want to beg for money uh huh I didn’t think I wanted to beg people for money but then I took a long hard think about how badly I want a PS5 and I think I might be okay with it. I’ve been having fantasy’s about just going to target and looking at them ya know just fantasies about looking about just I just been maybe I’ll go to target or Walmart today and just look at the ps5s just to be like I could get that I could I could have one I could take it home I could take it I could just buy it today what’s stopping you then because I PS5 the price point its at right now its very dangerous because its an exact price point where I could buy it and it wouldn’t immediately ruin my life but it would make it so that my life gets ruined quicker a couple months down the line okay right which still makes it a bad purchase right yeah you know what I mean that’s kinda where I’m at okay so I say we do the t-shirt thing we make a t-shirt a mug a poster all the specific niche things that the drop shipping company that we work with prints on yeah do’m all all the printful stuff just the entire printful catalogue 50 items yeah the whole catalogue this huge block of text make socks fucking fill out the entire bigcartel page mousepads with as many items as they’ll let me put on thermoses just canvas prints every single possible literation on of it and if that bothers you there’s a very quick to get me to stop doing it just buy them you just need to be the 80th person to buy these fucking t-shirts that’s amazing can we give a prize to the 80th person who buys one uh well how much is the prize uh its its its um its you get a little sandwich kiss you and me each take a cheek and give him a little smooch alright well I’m just going to round and say its going to 40 bucks for travel expenses so that’s 8 more t-shirts we have to before we do that but then yeah sure ya know well then we just increase yeah exactly we just increase the number of t-shirts I have to sell right exactly