#okay honorable mention also to the buddy song. THAT FUCKING SONG. IS SO FUCKING GOOD.

[loverboybrightsideghost]

“you finally got adopted” really got to me because how long do you think eugene and lance hoped and hoped and hoped that they would get adopted, but they never did. and then they gave up and ran away. but he finally got adopted 🥺

[chyrstis]

FC5 GFH Tag!

@sharky-broshaw​ and @shellibisshe​​ were lovely enough to tag me to see what my Dep would say as a formal FC5 Gun For Hire, and after spending most of the day thinking this over instead of writing, I think I’ve mostly nailed her down! ;)

Deputy Hana Vao

With Fangs for Hire

Boomer: “Whoa there, buddy! Aren’t you a sweetheart? God, I...I really wish Rae-Rae were here to say hi to you too, and see how good of a boy you’re being.”

Peaches: “I’m a cat person. I’m not a hundred percent sure it extends to being a big cat person, but I’m willing to try.” / *in a ridiculous voice while sneaking through the brush* “Who’s an adorable murder machine, yes, you are!”

Cheeseburger: “Whoever decided it’d be entirely possible and plausible for me to spend my free time hanging out with a bear, I’d like to give the biggest high-five to, because this? This is really fucking awesome.” / “I’ve always wondered if I’d have the chance to meet a local celebrity, and now I’ve met two! What are the odds of that?”

With other Guns for Hire

Sharky

*after inviting him* “Oh, now it’s a party.”

“So, apparently karaoke night at the Spread Eagle used to be a thing. You’ve been holding out on me! *both start trading stories about signature songs they used to pick, until they both settle on one and start singing along to it* *some of it’s good, most of it isn’t*

*after a fight* “That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in my life. Do it again.” / “Hey, Shark? How about you dial it back a little next time? It kind of got a little too close for comfort there.”

“You know what they say about any big bads, right?” *along with Sharky* “If it bleeds, we can kill it! *laughs* God, you’re the best.”

Grace

“Hey, Grace? I know you mentioned last time that I really need to work on the whole sneaking, and being quiet, and-” “Not throwing a block of C4 at every problem you see?” “...Shit. I knew I might’ve forgotten something. Let me get back to you on that.”

“Grace? If I offered you twenty dollars to shoot [a hat off of a scarecrow, a can off of a fence, the helmet off of a Peggie, etc]. Would you do it?” *Grace asks if she’s that willing to go broke* “Maybe. I still think that would be pretty cool to see.”

Hurk

*calls Hana Ms. V* “Hurk! I thought we agreed not to go with that one!” *he throws out a slew of nicknames each one more absurd than the last* “...Um, okay. Maybe that one’s not so bad after all.”

“Hey, I have to ask. What’s with the chimps?”

*calls Hana Depu-Vee and pretends to relay a top-secret message* Hurk, hon. We’re face to face. I’m looking right at you. We don’t need codenames right now.

Adelaide

“I...that’s definitely a description I never thought I’d ever hear. Or visualize.”

“Okay, so I’m only going to say this once, but...” *speaks at a mile a minute* “Fuck John, Marry Faith, and Kill Jacob, and there’s nothing left for Joseph, so just fuck him in general. Done and done.”

Nick

“I swear to God, if you ever ask me to fly Carmina again I’m going to crash her. Not on purpose, I’m just that damn bad at it, so please. I beg of you, don’t.”

“How’s Kim doing? If you two need anything at all, don’t hesitate to give me a call.”

Jess

“Jesus, you’re a hell of a shot. Shooting an apple off of someone’s head would probably be nothing, huh?” *Jess asks if she’s volunteering* “It’s not that you aren’t a badass, because you totally are, but you know how some ideas look fun at first pass, but are probably a disaster in the making? That? That would be one of them.”

In Combat

Seeing an enemy: “You got eyes on them?”

Sneaking:*snaps a twig* “Shit! ...Um, shit. Sorry.”

Killing an enemy: "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!” / *if you score the hit* “Holy shit, that was a shot!”

Reviving: “It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” / “Hold on! Can’t have you dying on me now.”

Hurt: “Ow, motherfucker!” / “Jesus, walk it off. Just walk it off.” / *flamethrower, or Sharky* Shit! Nearly singed my hair...

Downed: “Really, really pissed that they made me bleed my own blood here.” / “Keep moving! Don’t worry about me! *pained sound* “Fuck!”

Driving

If asked to drive: “You sure? Well, buckle up and hold on tight. I promise I’ll try and be gentle.” / “God, this is really making me miss my bike.”

Reckless driving: “Jesus, now I know how Grace feels.” / “And here I thought you’d leave the stunt driving to old Clutch. I’m game if you are.”

Changing radio stations: *starts singing along if Barracuda’s playing* / *’if Oh John’ starts playing* “...Fucking asshole.” *sings an off-key, ‘bold and brave’ before making a sound of disgust*

Idle

“Hey, hon. How’re you holding up? Better than me, I hope, because I could really go for a cigarette. Might have to bum one off of Sharky the next time I see him.”

“You know, I’m not from around here. I’m from Detroit. Moved around a lot when I was young, so I don’t remember it well to begin with, but my mom took a lot of photos of it. Kept them all in a photo album for me to look at when I was older, and always told me we’d head back there someday to check them out again ourselves. ....Well, I’m about 95 percent certain that when the cult burned my apartment down, it might’ve taken that album with it. Pictures of those places. Of her. All of it up in smoke, just like that. So, here’s hoping there’ll be a Detroit left after all of this, depending on whether or not Joseph’s talking shit, or actually right. Because I’d really like to have a second chance to see all of that. And have a chance to honor her too.”

“I’m a city girl, so the silence out here is...it’s a little overwhelming. But I’d gladly take it over the sound of gunfire. This place is beautiful, and the kind of peaceful you don't really appreciate until it’s gone.”

Hard to believe I wouldn’t have ended up here at all if the Sheriff hadn’t taken a chance on me. He’ll say differently, but there’s a reason why Staci called me-calls me Rook, and why Joey always took the time to answer every single silly question I had. I didn’t have a whole lot of experience before heading here, and...they made it all worth the risk on my end too. Made me feel welcome when anyone else would’ve just shown me the door, and I’ll do damn near anything to get them back.

Location-Specific:

By any body of water: *voice pitched higher than normal* “Hey, you’re not-that’s looking pretty deep. Think I’ll um, hang close to the shore just in case.” *wanders around it, but never enters it*

At the Spread Eagle: *hanging close to either Mary May by the bar* *Mary May jokes about Hana spending more time talking to her than drinking* “Hey, I’m sparing you both the bad dancing and the bad flirting! Trust me, you don’t want to see either.” / *if by the jukebox in the back, can be found swaying to whatever’s playing*

After liberating the Radio Towers: “I really need to talk to Wheaty about getting Queen on the radio here, because we’re suffering from a real lack of that. Tell me you wouldn’t be ready and willing to kick all kinds of ass after listening to them for a bit.” / *near a Wolf Beacon while it’s blaring* “Jesus, Jacob really took a page out of every horror movie here, didn’t he? Note to self, stay far, far away from these at night.”

In the Henbane: “You want to trust your eyes. You also want to trust your ears, and every last bit of sense you’ve got, but here? You can't. And that honestly scares the shit out of me.” / “You see Faith too, don’t you? Right at the corner of your vision before you blink and she’s gone? Word of advice? Don’t approach her or talk to her. You’ll like what she has to say at first, but...not so much the wolverine taking a piece out of you afterwards.”

At Seed Ranch by the Boat Launch: *if present when Sharky drops the dingus line, she starts giggling until she snorts*

In Holland Valley: “Can you do me a favor? If you ever decide to do a little redecorating - like, say, make modifications to a giant, white three-letter sign up in the mountains - take me with you. Because pissing John off’s really what keeps me going, and lighting that ‘Yes’ sign up would be a thing of beauty.” / *later when John calls post-destruction she mouths, ‘Oh shit’ while 100% making this face:

Tagging: @amistrio @ma-sulevin @shallow-gravy​ @foofygoldfish @guileandgall​ @ofravensandgenesis​ @fadedjacket​ @seedlingsinner @teamhawkeye​ @redroci​ @risenlucifer​ @tomexraider​ @finefeatheredgamer​ @narcis-the-monk​ @scarlettkat86 @hawkfurze @raisinghellinotherworlds @fromathelastoveritaserum @shelliechen and anyone else that’s interested! I’d love to see your GFHs, so totally tag me if you do!

[itsnsfwalways]

Canyon Moon

FIC MASTERLIST

WARNINGS FOR CHP. 2: swearing, mild drug & alcohol use, brief mentions of death

CHAPTER TWO: wish i could get to know you

The two of you pull up to your buddy Mike’s place, a small, hole-in-the-wall studio.

Harry parks the car and gets out to open your door, although he waits for you outside to tie your boots.

“How’d you meet this guy?”

“Oh, Mike? We can’t really remember the first time, I’ll tell you the story with him when we’re inside.”

You hop out of the car and grab his hand, swinging it back and forth as you walk up to the front, hearing soft music playing already.

The two of you reach the door and Y/N swings it open, yelling out,

“I hope you’re ready because mama wants a tattoo.”

Harry shakes his head and tries to hide his grin as he turns around to shut the door all the way.

“You’re fucking stupid,” A male voice laughs out, looking up from his sketchbook. His feet are propped up on the counter, and of course, he is littered with tattoos.

“Mike, this is Mr. Ferrari, Ferrari, Mike,” you introduce, waving your hands between the two.

“I saw that fuckin car, I was like ‘who the fuck is coming to me in that?’” Mike exclaimed, snapping his fingers.

“Hey, mate, I’m Harry,” Harry says, leaning forward to shake Mike’s hand while giving you a look that makes your head drop to the floor and your heart skip a beat.

“Nice to meet you, dude. I’m Mike, Like your tats,” Mike says, getting up from the chair behind the counter.

He leads the two of you over to his station, getting all his supplies laid out as you hop into the leather chair.

“So what are you getting, Y/N?” Harry asks, sitting in a chair near you.

“This extremely intricate design that’s going to take lots of mental power, and, of course, only gives me a few hours notice,” Mike teases, kicking the bottom of your chair.

“It’s just this geometrical thing I saw on a Tarot card a little while ago, it really stuck out to me.” You explain, pulling the card from your purse.

“Oh, cool.” Harry nods, picking up the card, only after looking at you for permission, of course. He holds it lightly by the edges, being sure to be gentle with it.

“‘S not gonna bite you, baby,” you giggle, knocking your knee against his, biting back a smile at the way his head shoots up.

He grins at you, knocking his knee back while setting down the card carefully on the table.

“I know, but I know these cards are special to some people, want to be gentle with em,” he says softly, twirling his pointer finger ring.

“Some decks are, but these are very relaxed. You don’t have to treat em like glass.”

He nods and blushes slightly, looking away for a second to hide his smile.

“You done flirting so I can start?” Mike asks, removing the transfer paper from your inner right forearm.

“You’ve had sex on my living room floor, I’m allowed to do whatever the fuck I want after that,” you say, shuddering slightly at the memory.

“Fair point.” Mike nods, beginning the design.

“So, um, Y/N said that you guys can’t remember how you met? I’d love to hear the story.” Harry jumps in, eyebrows raised at your last statement.

“Oh, fuck,” Mike laughs, dipping the needle in more ink. “I think it needs to come with a warning that I spent pretty much the entire year of 2015 drunk. She says we met at a Tame Impala gig but I have no such memory of this happening.”

“It did happen! You gave me your number because I kept bugging you about your tattoos but it was to this random mom in Philadelphia, who did not appreciate me calling her at 3 am.”

“Anyways,” Mike cuts in, rolling his eyes, “We officially met at a New Year’s Eve party later that year that my wife, Maggie, hosted. Y/N and her ex came and proceeded to break up right before the ball dropped, and she made out with my sister instead just to piss him off.”

You let out a laugh and cover your quickly turning red face with your hand, peeking through your fingers to gauge Harry’s reaction.

“Wow.” He acknowledges, eyebrows raised and fingers pinching his bottom lip, glancing back at you. His lips quiver slightly as he tries to hold back his laughter.

“Alright, haha, very funny. The ending to this, BEAUTIFUL, story, I must say, is he gave me this tattoo the next week and the rest is history.” You gesture to the sunflower bundle inked on your thigh, before puckering up your lips at Mike, who, without even looking up, shoves your face with his other hand.

“Honestly, Harry, I’d run while you can. There’s never a dull moment with this one, that’s for fucking sure.” Mike advises, rolling his eyes when you smile widely.

“I’m starting to learn that,” Harry laughs, eyes trained on you.

The three of you go into a comfortable silence, the only sound being the tattoo gun whirring and your occasional whimper at a sensitive spot.

A thin line of sweat has slowly covered your body, and Mike notices, scoffing.

“We’re gonna take a quick break. I’m gonna go get a cig when you get calm, back in 20,” He says, stopping the machine and leaving the room quickly.

“So, uh, you guys have quite a fun dynamic,” Harry comments.

You take a deep breath and look to him, your mouth closing at how he’s positioned. It’s been about an hour at this point, and he’s shifted in his seat to a more comfortable position. Leaned back against the chair, legs spread open, arms resting behind his back, it wasn’t helping your situation.

“Yeah, he’s like my older brother. His sister is great too,” You mindlessly say.

“I’ll bet,” Harry smirks, nodding slowly.

“Hey, quit it. You get to have fun with pretty girls and so do I.”

Harry clears his throat at your boldness and adjusts his positioning, changing to lean forward on his knees.

You get up to grab two water bottles from the mini-fridge under the counter, offering one to Harry when you sit back down.

Drinking about half the bottle, you let out a sigh, trying to get your shaking legs under control.

“What’s your shirt say?” You ask, still having not figured out the small black text.

“Oh, it says ‘Treat People With Kindness’. It’s kind of my motto, or slogan, I guess. Most of my merch says either this or the abbreviation for it.” He tells you, hands going down to pull the shirt away from his chest.

“That’s really nice, Harry.” He glances up at you with a small smile on his face, nodding slightly.

“Bit egotistical wearing your own merch, but hey, who am I to judge?”

He rolls his eyes and bumps the bottom of your chair with his foot.

“Why’d he stop? You don’t seem to be freaking out to me. Maybe a little sweaty,” he teases, not realizing what he’s asking.

Groaning, you lean your head backwards towards the ceiling, hating yourself for what you’re about to say.

“Got a bit of a pain kink so I’m... overwhelmed, let’s say, and Mike hates that about me.”

Harry lets out a breath of air at this and you turn your head to look at him.

Your slight leg tremors are now starting to click, the blown out pupils, and swollen red lips from how much you were biting them.

“If it makes you feel better, I had to get a tattoo on live television and to this day, I still see zoomed in photos of my eyes from it online. At least they make the process fun.”

Your jaw drops and you lift your head up.

“Alright, Harry, shit,” you mutter, wiping the sweat off your brow. “Always got to one up me.”

He looks shocked at this and mockingly puts a hand to his chest.

“Says you! From the minute I met you, you’ve continued to surprise me with everything you say.”

“Okay, Mr. ‘I sang with Stevie Nicks and cruise around Malibu in a beautiful car’.” You say, blushing slightly from his words.

“You sang with Stevie Nicks?” Mike asks, walking through the door.

“Yes! He’s a musician, let’s play his album. What’s it called?” You jump up, slapping your hands on your thighs.

“Harry Styles, it’s a self-titled album. You can listen to it later if you want, I mean, we don’t have to-“

You shut off his rambling quickly.

“I wanna hear your voice! Also self-titled, we love a man with a big ego,” You tease, getting up to get the iPad that controls the music.

Typing in his name, you raise your eyes at the number of streams he has, clicking on the album and playing the first song, ‘Meet Me In The Hallway’.

“You’re quite pretty, Harry. That’s some gorgeous cover art.” You comment, pretending to examine it further.

“Oh god,” he laughs, tucking his chin down to hide his face a little bit.

“Okay, Y/N, shut up, sit your ass down, so I can finish this and you can listen to the song properly.” Mike points, making you put the iPad down and come over.

The song hypnotizes you for a second, trying to zone out and listen to it.

“Shit, Harry, you are fucking good.” You mutter, hand going to your mouth at his talent.

“Thank you,” he whispers, looking almost nervous at your reaction.

Your jaw stays open pretty much the entire song, each note making your eyes go wider or glance at Harry, trying to figure out how he is this perfect.

“Is it too soon to propose?” You ask, his voice slowly fading in the background as it changes to the next song.

He laughs and scrunches his nose slightly before telling you, “Just a tad.”

The next song starts playing, and you’d be lying if tears didn’t fall.

Trying to play it off, you look away and wipe your eyes. Mike glances up at you and stops for a minute, rubbing your arm slightly and giving you a squeeze. You tap back on the table and he nods, feeling better that you gave him an okay.

“Fuck, sorry, this is a lot. Crying on the second song, phew. Hope you’re doing good upstairs, Harry,” You laugh, sniffling a little.

“Don’t apologize, please. Music brings up a lot of emotions, I feel so honored that you’re reacting to it so strongly.” He says, rubbing your knee slightly,

“Should I cry a little more then?” You tease, smiling at him with damp eyes.

“Boost my ego a bit, maybe,” he smiles back.

All of a sudden, the song climaxes, and your jaw drops once more.

“Holy shit, Harry! Do you have anything wrong with you? My god.” You shake your head, in disbelief over him.

“I mean, I am always traveling, so there’s that. But other than that, I’m pretty much awesome,” he pretends to boast, fake popping his collar.

The song shifts to Carolina, which Harry tells you after you ask as soon as it starts playing.

“She’s such a good girl, she feels so good. Am I hearing that right? Just wanna check,” you recite the lyrics slowly back to him, moving your free arm around.

Harry looks away, pretending to check out the pictures on the wall behind him.

“Are you gonna be like this for every song?” Mike asks, and you nod happily, bumping your head to the beat.

Almost the entire album plays while Mike is tattooing you, all with varying reactions of either, ‘Harry!’, ‘Is this real?’, ‘I’m gonna start crying’, or ‘this is the sexiest shit I’ve ever heard’. Without fail, you ask him the song name when the first few notes start playing and he tells you it, sitting quietly and smiling at you getting so happy over his music.

Mike finishes wrapping you up and goes to the back to find some healing products for you as the final notes of Woman play, and you swivel in your chair to face Harry, knocking your knees against his.

“What’s the next one called?” You ask, so in awe of the man sitting in front of you.

“From the Dining Table. ‘S the last one. Quite an emotional one.” He says back, smiling sadly at you while playing with his rings.

You nod in understanding as it starts, coming to sit next to him and leaning your head on his shoulder, so drained from the last few hours. He wraps his arm around you, tucking his head over yours.

The song goes by without a noise from either of you, sans a few sniffles that made Harry squeeze you a little tighter.

After it ends and the two of you sit there in silence for a while, you say quietly,

“I like how at the end the music swelled when you wanted them to call you, and then it cut out. That was pretty powerful.”

He nods, the movement moving your head slightly.

“I like that part too.”

You pull away from him and look at his face close up for a second, trying to read him.

“Thank you for sharing this with me. I mean, obviously not with me, but that you let me freak out over you. You’re really special, Mr. Ferrari,” you whisper, brushing his hair out of his face.

“So are you, Y/N,” he mumbles, eyes flickering to your lips for a second.

“You paying cash or card?” Mike’s voice cuts through the air and the two of you jump apart, feeling like teenagers.

“Um, card,” You say, standing up with your purse and heading to the counter to pay.

Mike rings you up and you grab a hundred from your wallet to tip him with.

“Ah, I remembered why I like you,” Mike smirks, grabbing the bill from you.

“Stupid,” you mutter, giving him a hug goodbye.

“Oh, before you leave, I’m throwing a party this Saturday, Harry, you’re welcome to come as well,” Mike adds, gesturing him over.

He moves from his spot against the wall to stand next to you, a hand resting on your lower back for a second before dropping to his side.

“Thank you, I’ll have to check and see but I’d love to come. It was great meeting you mate, might have to set an appointment up in the future,” He smiles, shaking Mike’s hand once more.

“Hell yes, brother, I’d love to. Great album, by the way. Can see why Y/N brought you by.” Mike crosses his arms over his chest and looks at you while he says this.

“Alright, shut it down,” You snap your fingers at him, glaring slightly. “I’ll text you later, loser.”

“Get out!” He yells, making you laugh as you drag Harry away.

“Need help with your bag?” Harry asks as you exit the shop, the cold air biting your bare legs.

“I’m good, thank you though.” You swing the bag so it hits his butt just to see the way he jumps and runs away from you for a second.

“Hey! No hitting the driver!” He scolds, wagging a finger pointedly.

“We haven’t even gotten in the car yet!” You argue, coming to a stop in front of his car.

“Doesn’t matter.” He shakes his head and grins at you when he unlocks the door, immediately reaching for yours to open it for you.

“Thank you.” Your voice came out as a meek whisper and you cleared your throat after he shut the door, trying to shake out your butterflies.

He plops himself down next to you and pats his hands on the steering wheel for a second.

“Do you want me to drop you off at your van or your apartment?” He asks, turning to face you.

“Trying to kick me out?” You questioned, laughing at his expression.

“Van’s fine. I’m probably just going to write, I’ve got some stuff to do for a friend.”

“Is there a name for the beach? I’m not sure I remember how to get there,” Harry admits, opening up Google Maps on his phone.

“Not really but I can just find it on the map real quick, I’ve been in this position way too many times.”

He hands his phone over and you find the cove in less than twenty seconds, handing it back over.

“So where are you from? I’m realizing you tricked me into spilling my guts without telling me too much about yourself.” Harry questions, hand going up to scratch his chin.

“I grew up kind of all around California, my family was always traveling so I was homeschooled for all my life. Only child, because we were pretty broke and I was a ‘happy accident’,” You quote, laughing at your mom’s phrasing.

“Aren’t we all really?” Harry grins, shrugging slightly.

“I think so. Anyways, my parents died when I was 15 and that really made me get my shit together. I moved in with my best friend, Laura. Graduated high school early and just worked my ass off for a couple years. Bought Miss Sunflower and renovated her, traveled through America for about a year and a half before moving here with Laura. She and I got an apartment together and just have kind of figured life out since then. She works at a record label and I’ve been working as a part-time songwriter since I was 16, mostly just helping out whenever an extra person is needed or they need some extra little sad sprinkles in a song.” You explain, taking a breath after you finish your little rant.

“I’m so sorry for your loss. I know your parents would be very proud of you staying true to your roots.” Harry sadly smiles, rolling up to a red light at the perfect time. He leans over to give you a quick hug and you graciously accept, whispering a little ‘thank you’ in his ear.

“It’s been a rough grieving process but I’d like to think they are. Please don’t pity me though, it sucks, yes, but life could be so much worse. I’m lucky to have the people in my life that I do,” you explained, picking your nails nervously.

“I completely understand. I lost my stepdad last year and being there for my mum was the only thing that kind of kept me going,” Harry sympathizes, twisting one of his rings around his hands.

“I’m sorry as well,” you murmur, taking his hand and holding it.

“Yeah,” Harry exhales harshly. “Life’s a bitch.”

You giggle lightly, nodding. “That she is.”

The two of you sit in silence for the remainder of the drive back, listening to the ocean waves and the sounds of your breathing.

Harry parks his car next to your van and puts it in park, leaving the headlights on.

“Thank you for coming with me and sharing all of this, you really know how to make a girl feel special,” you blush, tucking a loose curl behind your ear.

“Thank you, Y/N. I feel like my whole view on the world has shifted so much in the last few hours,” Harry gushes, and you have to turn away to smile for a second.

“Come on,” you mumble, hiding your mouth with your hand.

“I’m serious! I know we just met but I really like you, I’d love to continue this. And I need to listen to you play still, not fair I only got to hear from far away for a few seconds.”

“I’d definitely like to see you again, but it’s a harsh maybe on the playing,” You nod, biting your lip to stop the smile from plastering itself on your face.

“I can give you my number if that works, but, like I said, I’m always here.” You offered, gesturing to your car.

“Number works great. And I’ll let you have your spot, I don’t want to take it away from you,” Harry pulls out his phone to give you his contacts.

“No, please come join me, with friends too! I need to share this little bundle of joy,” You hope to pursuade him into visiting this spot, but his expression is unreadable.

“How about this, I’ll text you before I come?” He suggests, taking his phone back from your hands.

“Perfect. Thank you again, Harry,” you emphasize, leaning over to give him another hug.

“Of course, love. Thank you for a wonderful night.”

You wave goodbye after getting out of his car and head into your van, taking note he doesn’t leave til you’ve gotten yourself inside and shut the door.

You plop yourself down on the bed and sigh, looking up at the ceiling.

“Holy shit,” you sigh, getting up to get into the driver’s seat.

You FaceTime Mike on your way back to the apartment, unable to wait to talk to Laura when you get home.

He answers a few seconds later, beer in hand.

“‘Sup loser,” he greets you with a head nod, “You get home okay?”

“Yes, oh my god. What the fuck was tonight? What do you think of Harry?”

He sighs and moves to lean his phone against something.

“If I’m being honest, the man is unreal. I don’t know how the fuck you found him but, wow. I can’t think of anyone who is down to not only drive someone they just met to get a tattoo, but to then sit through the entire thing while having them fangirl over their album.”

“I was not fangirling!” You try and defend, but one look from Mike shuts you up.

“Okay, maybe I was, but I’m just so in awe. I gave him my number because I thought he might feel weird giving me his. He had almost a billion streams on his first fucking album. That’s insane.” You explain, biting your thumb.

“Quit biting. And yeah, I’m not going to lie I looked him up after you left. Mans is a proper superstar, used to date Kendall Jenner allegedly.”

“Bleh,” you shake. “I don’t want to know about his life from the internet, that’s so weird. Also, when Alex and I were together he was dating some new model every other week, all those magazines are bullshit.”

“True. But Alex also was dating a model,” Mike retorts, trying to pick your buttons.

“Haha, very funny,” you deadpann, rolling your eyes.

“I’m just saying, as your brother, be careful. He really does seem like an amazing guy.”

“Yeah. He really is. Say hi to Maggie for me when you get home! I’m rolling up to my place right now so I gotta go.”

“I will. I know you already know how to take care of your tattoo so I’m not gonna waste my time. Later, loser.”

“Bye, dumbass.” You hang up, pulling into the driveway.

Practically dancing up the steps and through the front door, you’re met with the cozy atmosphere the two of you have created for yourself. You can tell your favorite vanilla candle is burning somewhere in the house and you slip off your shoes, practically running into Laura’s room and leaping onto her bed.

“Hello, my love,” she smiles, hugging you tightly. Her perfume envelopes you and you squeeze her back, lying your head in her lap.

“I thought you were staying at the beach today?” She wonders, playing with your hair.

You sit up at this, resting on your elbows.

“I met a boy,” you smile, putting your hands to your cheeks.

“Shut up!” Her voice raises a few octaves and she scrambles upright, hitting your thigh with her hand.

“Ow!”

“Who is he? Where? Oh my god!” Laura rattles off, bouncing up and down on the bed.

“His name’s Harry, we met at the spot. He came with me to get the Tarot card tattoo at Mike’s.” You gesture to the bandage around your forearm.

“Shit, man. What’s he look like?”

“Fucking hot. He’s British, for one. Tall, curly brown hair, green eyes, lots of tattoos. Also, he’s got the voice of a goddamn angel.”

“You’re not talking about Harry Styles, are you?” Laura asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know him?” You wonder, surprised she knows his name.

Her jaw drops and she fully shoves ou off the bed, emitting a ‘hey!’ from you.

“Of course I know Harry fucking Styles. Are you serious?”

You blow your hair out of your face and lean up on your elbows, one leg still on the edge of the bed.

“No, I’m not joking, what the hell?” You laugh, pulling yourself back onto the comforter.

“How the- who- what?!” She stutters, looking at you expectantly for a story.

“He came up to me on the beach asking for a lighter, we smoked a j and just kind of started talking. I asked if he wanted to go to Mike’s with me and he drove me over, and I’m me, so I tried to pick apart his brain a little. We listened to his album, which, by the way, have you heard it? That shit’s incredible.”

“Of course I’ve heard it! The entire world has heard it! Keep going!”

“Jesus,” you laugh, shocked by her reaction. “He drove me back and we got a little deep, I gave him my number before I left. I think we kind of had a moment though, he looked like he wanted to kiss me for a second.”

You pull your knees to your chest and rest your chin on them, thinking back to that moment.

“Holy shit, Y/N,” Laura sighs, falling back dramatically on her pillow.

“I know. I feel kind of weird though, he seems very closed in. I mean, I get it, I saw that he has quite a bit of fame, but I don’t want to have to pry him open, y’know?”

“I mean, yeah, but he’s really fucking famous. His fans are some of the most die-hard people out there. And there’s a hell of a lot of people who would do unspeakable things to be in your position. Myself included,” she mumbles at the end, and you swat her with a pillow.

“Gah,” you moan, lying down next to her. “I don’t know how to navigate my way around that kind of fame. What if he sees that, or still thinks that I’m lying about not knowing who he is? That’d be a bit egotistical, though, so maybe I’d be dodging a bullet.”

“Nope! You are not missing out on an opportunity to fuck Harry Styles.”

You laugh, scrunching your nose.

“I don’t want to think of him like that. Just Harry, the dude who I’ve been relentlessly teasing all night.” You turn onto your stomach suddenly.

“Shit. What if I was being too much?”

You groan again, pushing your face in her pillow.

“Than he’s dumb for not realizing how funny you are.”

Your phone pings suddenly, and you grab it from your back pocket, not recognizing the number on your home screen.

“Shit, he just texted me.” You shout, standing up onto the ground while you read the message aloud.

Hey, Y/N, it’s Harry. Hope you’re enjoying the rest of your night, I just wanted to give you my number and thank you again. Tonight was probably the most fun I’ve had in a while, if I’m being honest, and I was wondering if you wanted to do lunch tomorrow?

“Oh, fuck ME, he just asked me out to lunch.” Your hand goes up to your mouth as you look wide-eyed at Laura, who’s expression matches yours.

“Bitch, say yes!”

“Okay!” you yell back, pacing back and forth.

hey harry ! i’m glad you had fun tonight, i was worried i might’ve scared you off haha. i’d love to do lunch, what time were you thinking ?

“Does that sound okay?” You hand your phone off to Laura, getting her stamp of approval before sending it.

“Ah! Okay, shit fuck, it’s sent.” You throw your phone onto her bed and lean against her door, waiting for his reply.

Your phone lights up not even two minutes later, a text from Harry reading,

Haha, definitely didn’t scare me off. If anything, the opposite. How does noon sound? I can pick you up if you’d like?

“A gentleman,” Laura sighs, fanning herself as you read it together.

“Shut up,” you mumble, blushing slightly as you type back,

well, good, i’m glad :). noon works great, here’s my address. sleep well, harry.

I’ll be counting down the minutes. Goodnight, love.

You scream as you read his last text, shoving your face in your hands.

“Oh my god, okay, Y/N, take a chill pill,” you tell yourself, taking a deep breath in. “Ugh, why am I getting so worked up over a guy?”

“Because he’s funny, cute, talented, and rich, bitch.”

You give Laura a look and she laughs,

“Okay, money, fame, and any prior knowledge I have aside, he seems like a great dude. And if he’s not, well, my dreams will be absolutely crushed.” She shrugs, going back to scrolling through Instagram.

“Oh, wow, thanks.” You roll your eyes, standing up. “I’m gonna make some tea, you want any?”

“I’m good, thanks though.”

You nod and shut her door behind you, going into the kitchen to turn the kettle on.

Hopping up on the counter while you wait, you decide to do a little bit of Instagram stalking, just to see what he posts.

You click on his most recent one, smiling at his caption.

“Kissy,” you mutter, shaking your head lightly.

Scrolling through a few more of his photos, you bite your lip at his outfits, incredibly jealous of his stylist. His feed is better than yours, if you’re being honest, and you smile at the thought of him making sure all the black bars line up.

Hearing the whistle of the kettle, you hop off the counter and pour yourself a cup of chamomile. Closing out the app, you take your mug into your room, turning on your lights that make your room look like you’re floating in the galaxy.

Placing it on your nightstand, you get yourself ready for bed, spending a little extra time washing your face and doing your skin care routine.

You slide into bed and open up your latest book find of the week, this one being Misery by Steven King.

You find your eyes drooping after a while and set your things on your nightstand, snuggling deeper into your blankets.

With a smile on your face, you drift off to sleep, excited for tomorrow.

[vaguely-concerned]

Some more mass effect andromeda thinky thoughts as I run around heleus getting some achievements! 

- the murderous angaran ai is genuinely so fucking funny. “How are you feeling here on Aya?” “I hope you die” “Is there anything we could do to make you more comfortable?” “BURY THIS PLANET UNDER FIRE AND ASH” “o.oookay. Goodbye then.” “I HATE you.”

- I hope I never become irresistibly moved to write mass effect andromeda fic b/c there really is no other description for a good 70% of the expressions reyes makes than :> and how could one capture that in words

- as mentioned I’ve been doing a bit of achievement hunting and in the process I’ve been switching up a lot of gameplay stuff from how I handled it the first few times around and let me tell you it’s baller as fuuuuuuuuuck -- it just looks so awesome and is so satisfying between the maneuverability of the jetpack and biotic charge and the effects. special shoutout to what happens if you biotic charge a frozen victim enemy and the biotic pull/push combination. (throwing people around like ragdolls is actually so much fun I’ve kept doing it even after I unlocked the achievement lol)

- lol lol when you get meridian online there’s the montage of every planet coming back to life, right? well the one on kadara is from inside kralla’s song, with umi looking out at everything that’s happening. and all I can imagine is her jaded-ass voice going ‘what the fUCK did that asshole kid do now I only just cleaned up after the bar brawl he started with his krogan grandpa and now he’s rearranging the entire fucking planet right from under us goddess I need a drink’ 

- the implication that reyes ‘cards so close to my chest you won’t even know I’m playing’ vidal just does not shut up about how amazing ryder is to anyone who’ll listen gives me so much life. when you try to be mysterious and laidback but the human pathfinder is so fucking cute tho Y____Y (also go watch his scenes if you’re being standoffish with him the entire time -- he clearly wants ryder to like him so much right from the beginning, he’s doing so much work to no avail and I feel sort of bad for how funny I find it haha. interesting that it really does seem to be an emotional thing as well as y’know the practical/tactical benefits of having the pathfinder on his side. methinks the charlatan might be a bit lonely there behind all his masks lol) 

I think this is why I’m willing to give him some benefit of the doubt too, despite all the cloak and dagger stuff -- he’s so immediately drawn to ryder, who you can never make a bad person, really. something in him must respond to that, if potentially only in the ‘attracted to traits I do not possess myself’ way hahaha

- I love sam. so so much. some of the open world implementation is still grating (yes sam. yes I know I can mine this area for resources through my mining interface. we’ve been doing this for a hundred hours sam. you’ve been right here with me the entire time sam. please sam), but he’s SUCH a good and I’d argue underutilized concept (emotionally at least) and the best boy. the fact that he can get SARCASTIC on you fsdhfjsadh he’s growing and learning! he’s doing so from inside your brain which is kind of unsettling but also SO COOL! there’s something about that level of intimacy, of always knowing there will be someone there with you in your head that is super interesting and deserves to be examined more fully -- both how it could be comforting and how it’s  r e a l l y  not how people or ai are generally designed to work lol. 

he also gives us a unique link with our dad and I wonder if the writers would have explored that in more depth if there’d been more development time -- it practically SCREAMS out an invitation to get to play/see things from alec’s POV in short bursts, like the memories you unlock except you could go through playing it as him since sam is common to both of us. (see my ‘our dad comes back through either kett or remnant nonsense in the sequel and we need to find some way to connect with him’ idea. it would be. amazing. listen alec already looked at the ethical guidelines involved in creating ai and went ‘huh interesting ideas but not for me thanks!’, don’t tell me he wouldn’t have left some loophole in so this could happen)  

- reyes literally says ‘the cavalry’s here’ when we get to meridian and I for one love him more than words can express (he also asks us if we’re okay in sort of a sweet/worried way right before we get to the control room. aw buddy) 

- like we don’t think of them like that because we’re in control of them and see all the stumbles and awkwardness and how young they are all the time, but damn the ryder twins must look like something else to everyone in andromeda haha. they literally stride around like demigods restoring entire planets. on voeld spring non-metaphorically follows in their footsteps. shit dude if we’re talking realpolitik here the angara must feel  p r e t t y nervous about this -- there’s no one saying they can’t turn off the vaults as easily as they turned them on. I hope we get them somehow teaching the angara how to do it too, on a smaller scale at least, as a show of good faith or something in a sequel, because that power imbalance is disconcerting  

- I’m glad sam and I have such similar priorities whenever we’re on kadara. ‘maybe mr vidal would know. perhaps we should ask mr vidal about this. mr vidal said something relating to this pathfinder maybe we should speak to him’ . yeah sam i know the feeling, same (it does undeniably read as sam having a bit of a crush which is. hilarious?) 

- the fact that alec ryder thought ellen responded to his bad boy act in any way when what really charmed her was that he was a great big nerd <3 it’s kind of nice to see a fictional marriage that seems to have just been. nice and stable and chill? just two intellectual equals who like and respect each other very much and not a lot of drama until alec went full alec and started developing rogue ai instead of watching his wife die lol. again I would love for the sequel to involve ellen finally waking up and being like ‘death? trying to claim MY husband? I do not think so, I can die he can’t he’s not leaving me behind’ and helping out and you realize that the reason they were soulmates was that under the relatively rational and unemotional surface they’re both, at heart, batshit crazy mad scientists who are insanely devoted to each other. imagine it tho! the people of andromeda realize alec ryder is back from the dead somehow and doing some Shit out there, they put a ton of resources into curing ellen’s disease because their best shot is something to do with the implants she made, hey presto we’ve got all ryders on the board and in play. 

- just want to make it clear that I’m still sad about avitus rix and hope he’s having a good day

- do you think ryder ever asks sam to read something to him ‘aloud’ in his head if he’s anxious and can’t sleep. or just to talk at him about something boring until he nods off. again the possibilities inherent in the concept!!! he has someone who’s closer to him than any other person could be, what’s that like? 

- *me sticking to my sidewinder pistol the whole playthrough even though it’s laughably inefficient* I just wanna feel like a cowboy bioware please work with me here

- the male ryder voice actor has such amazing comedic timing, there’s a lot of reaction stuff out in the field he absolutely nails. I enjoy the female voice too and I like how much emotion she manages to convey towards the end of the game especially, but there’s a casual comedy in male ryder’s voice that can’t be beat. (well, it’s not hawke levels, but then nothing ever is, that’s too much to ask)

- I love vorn and kesh so much. nerd krogans unite & make out

- I still want to sit peebee down and have a long serious talk with her about emotional abuse, maybe give her a hug :( fuck kalinda 

- this game does not get enough credit for how stunningly beautiful it is, it all got buried under criticism about the animations and it’s a fucking shame. the last few vaults you go through are just mindboggling in scale and visual uh striking-ness. it makes me so sad to think there won’t be any more of it D: 

- I really like this mainly casual + logical dialogue options ryder I’ve found; it makes him sound like a younger and more irreverent version of his father, but also softer and less closed off and much more willing to show affection for his family especially. 

- i wonder if different people’s individual SAMs will take on a certain tone/unique pattern when they’ve coexisted long enough. have I mentioned. how much I want a sequel to this game 

- one last reyes note because don’t look at me okay -- I wonder how much we’re meant to read into ‘being honorable never got me anywhere’. on the one hand I’m fully prepared to believe he’s never even tried doing anything the honorable way in his entire life lol but on the other there’s also some interesting potential in the interplay of that sentence and ‘to be someone’. (there seems to be a deep fear in him both of powerlessness and of being truly seen/recognized -- he equates secrecy with safety pretty explicitly -- which seems... telling? of what I don’t know but telling all the same hahaha) like he might be saying he’s tried doing things the ‘right’ way and it didn’t work and the price was too high, so he just went for this instead with the ends low-key justifying the means. hmmm. :Ia (this is what happens when I get Attached to a character with like an hour of screentime my friends, and I’m already primed to give my entire heart away at the sound of nicholas boulton’s voice)

[bthenoise]

We’re Starting To Lose It So We Made A Fake Music Award Show To Remember The Quarantine By

We are losing our minds and we aren’t talking figuratively like The Pixies. Every morning waking up in quarantine feels like an episode of Punk’d. 

Where is Aston Kutcher -- oh right, it’s 2020 -- Where is Chance The Rapper? we ask ourselves as we peel ourselves out of bed for what feels like the millionth time.   

Seriously, though. We know you guys are feeling the same way too. We read the tweets. We see the TikToks. Ya’ll are losing your goddamn minds just like us. 

The good thing is, to help with this sense of craziness as best as we possibly can (which isn’t saying much, we aren’t doctors after all -- shout out to all the amazing medical teams out there!) we have constructed the first and hopefully last 2020 Noise Quarantine Awards.

Featuring highly coveted awards such as Best Soundtrack To Fuel Your Hatred For The Government and Best Song To Steal Toilet Paper To, the awards below are meant to shine a light on all the positive things to come out of 2020. 

We know it sounds like an impossible task to put “2020″ and “postive” in the same sentence but somehow we did it. 

Check out the awards below.   

Fantastic Features Award

Silverstein - A Beautiful Place To Drown

Honestly, there are probably about ten different awards we could give Silverstein’s sensational LP A Beautiful Place To Drown. From start to finish, this is hands down one of the band’s best albums yet. However, for the sake of this very serious and very made-up award show, we are happy to present the scene staples with the Fantastic Features Award. 

Not only did the band include familiar favorites such as Beartooth’s Caleb Shomo, Simple Plan’s Pierre Bouvier and Underoath’s Aaron Gillespie, but they also went out of their way to include other artists such as emerging rapper Princess Nokia and Intervals’ guitarist Aaron Marshall. Now if that doesn’t deserve an award, we don’t know what does.  

Back Off Pit Daddies Cause This Song Slaps Award

A Day To Remember - “Mindreader”

But there’s no breakdown! How am I supposed to mosh to this? Would you quit your whining? It’s pretty much impossible for A Day To Remember to write a bad song. And sorry to break it to you pit warriors, they definitely didn’t start with their newest track “Mindreader.

Best Album To Eventually Soundtrack The Next Matrix Movie

Code Orange - Underneath 

Does this one really come as a surprise? Essentially creating their own genre of technology-influenced metalcore (computer core, maybe?), Code Orange’s Underneath is the perfect soundtrack to any type of action-packed, dark web-based, sci-fi thriller like The Matrix trilogy. Now would you like the red pill or the blue pill?  

The Welcome Back, We Fuckin’ Missed You Award

The Ghost Inside - “Aftermath”

A world without new music from The Ghost Inside is a world we don’t want any part of. Thankfully, for the first time since their tragic bus crash back in 2015, the metalcore maestros have returned with the hard-hitting and incredibly emotional track “Aftermath” taken from their soon-to-be-released self-titled album. So for that, the least we could do is present the band with the Welcome Back, We Fuckin’ Missed You Award.  

Honorable Mention: D.R.U.G.S (aka Craig Owens) - “King I Am”

Best Song To Listen To On Repeat And Realize You Successfully Killed Two And A Half Hours Of Your Quarantine

Loathe - “Screaming”

There is nothing made up about this whatsoever. We seriously thank Loathe for creating mind-altering music that transports you to a new dimension.  “Screaming” is a gem and the band deserves to be awarded for it. Oh, and also, I Let It In And It Took Everything is an amazing record everyone needs to hear ASAP.

Best Album To Get Drunk And Talk About Your Feelings To

Violent Soho - Everything Is A-OK

We’re not sure exactly what it is about Australia’s Violent Soho but they always seem to bring the deepest and darkest emotions out of us. Their latest LP Everything Is A-OK is no different. From track one to track ten, the band’s first new album since 2016 is an emotional magnet attracting feeling after feeling leaving us desperate for a drinking buddy and a good cry.

The If It Ain’t Broke Don’t Fix It Award

August Burns Red - Guardians

August Burns Red has been a prominent staple of the heavy music scene for years. Since bursting out of Lancaster, PA with 2005′s Thrill Seeker, the two-time Grammy-nominated act has been a constant source of inspiration with their bruising, top-notch musicianship. Fifteen years later, with the release of their ninth studio album Guardians, the metalcore vets are still as heavy and hard-hitting as ever deserving of our If It Ain’t Broke Don’t Fix It Award.   

Best Album To Eventually Soundtrack The Next Season Of Black Mirror

Enter Shikari - Nothing Is True & Everything Is Possible

Enter Shikari is easily one of the most unpredictable bands in our scene. One minute you think you have them and their eclectic sound pinned down, then the next they release their genre-shattering LP Nothing Is True & Everything Is Possible. With cinematic twists and turns from the rock-oriented opener “THE GREAT UNKNOWN” to the cosmic tornado that is “{ The Dreamer’s Hotel }” and circus-themed “Waltzing Off The Face Of The Earth,” Enter Shikari’s spellbinding LP is a perfect fit for something just as fascinating as the next season of Netflix’s Black Mirror.

Best Album To Get Your Medical Degree To

Vermicide Violence - The Praxis Of Prophylaxis 

We understand it’s not easy to comprehend deathcore lyrics. However, if you’re in need of a good study buddy while you prepare for the boards, look no further than Jarrod Alonge’s new parody album The Praxis Of Prophylaxis. Covering high-end medical topics such as vaccines, gingivitis, asthma and more, Vermicide Violence’s new LP is sure to help a lot more than those Grey’s Anatomy re-runs.    

The Tasmanian Devil Award

Rotting Out - Ronin

The Tasmanian Devil award is a highly coveted prize (possibly one of our most coveted) given to the album with hands down the most circle-pit-inducing tracks. While there have been some pretty good options this year, the record that stands out the most is Rotting Out’s first new album in over seven years, Ronin. Without going too far into detail -- because honestly, it’s pretty obvious why we picked this record -- if you’re able to stand still while listening to these fiery ass songs, you’re probably a cop.

Best Album To Get Drunk And Talk About Your Feelings To Part Two

Spanish Love Songs - Brave Faces, Everyone

Really? You’re gonna complain we used the same category twice in a made-up award show only created cause we’re stuck living fucking Groundhog Day over and over again? Instead, how about you put that same energy into enjoying Spanish Love Songs’ brilliant, tear-jerking album Brave Faces, Everyone. You won’t regret it.

Best Soundtrack To Fuel Your Hatred For The Government

Anti-Flag - 20/20 Vision

Regardless of if you’re really into politics or not, it’s practically impossible at this point to not swear at our so-called “leaders” up in Washington DC. So if you’re looking for the best album to fuel your hatred for the Head Cheeto In Charge and all his helpless minions, look no further than Anti-Flag’s powerful 20/20 Vision.

Honorable Mention: The Homeless Gospel Choir - This Land Is Your Landfill

The Album Most Likely To Get You Out Of Mosh Pit Retirement

Polaris - The Death Of Me

This record is the definition of “slaps.” From beginning to end, Polaris’ punishing new album The Death Of Me is a heavy-duty rollercoaster ride that will leave you with a melted off face and an endless desire to jump back in the pit and crack a few skulls.  

Best Album To Rip A Phat Riff To

Hot Mulligan - You’ll Be Fine

Hot Mulligan are a bunch of jokesters but there’s nothing funny about their new album You’ll Be Fine -- alright, maybe a few of the song titles are a little silly. The band’s latest release is a guitarist’s delight with ringing mathcore-like riffs that will leave you both jubilant and jealous. Case in point, give the infectious opener “OG Bule Sky” a spin and get back to us.   

Honestly, Fight Us, This Song Is A Bop Award

All Time Low feat Blackbear - “Monsters”

We know what some of you cool cats and kittens are thinking: But this isn’t pop-punk!? Since when does Blackbear get a scene pass? Listen up. No, this song isn’t “Dear Maria, Count Me In” but who cares? It’s 2020 and musical genres are dead. Enjoy the good music while you can before we’re all dead too, okay?

Honorable mention: PVRIS - “Deadweight”

Best Song To Steal Toilet Paper To

The Chats - “Drunk N Disorderly”

If you haven’t had the fear of potentially wiping your ass with a washcloth over the last few months, this award probably isn’t for you and your 30 extra rolls of toilet paper. However, for us regular folk who have a limited supply of TP, The Chats’ fast-paced High Risk Behavior track “Drunk N Disorderly” is the perfect song for stumbling into someone’s home and swiping a roll or two.  

Wow We Didn’t See That Coming Award

Falling In Reverse - “The Drug In Me Is Reimagined”

Ronnie Radke has never been afraid to push boundaries musically. Whether it’s rapping on a track or dropping an upbeat, synth-laced single like “Bad Girls Club,” the former Escape The Fate frontman always seems to have something new up his sleeve. This year, to help celebrate 2011′s The Drug In Me Is You becoming gold-certified, Radke and Co. released an epic piano-lead version of their fan-favorite title track. The results? A majestic dream-like experience worth repeating over and over again.

If You Hurt Mother Earth One More Time We Swear You’re Dead Award 

In Hearts Wake - “Worldwide Suicide”

There’s been a lot of talk about global warming over the past few years. Recently, while we’ve all been stuck at home, skies have become clearer than ever as wild animals roam the barren streets. This is a dream come true for earth-friendly metalcore act In Hearts Wake. 

Now as some cities start to reopen, let us remind you: If you even think about going back to your wasteful, pollution-heavy ways, we and In Hearts Wake will come for you with the same force and brutality as heard on their newest track “Worldwide Suicide.” Watch your back.

Sure It’s Different But Still Kicks Ass Award

The Used - Heartwork

This isn’t The Used you knew in junior high. Bert McCrackin and Co. have returned with a fresh-faced 2020 LP that is sure to make you feel some type of way. Featuring guest appearances from members of Blink-182, FEVER 333 and Beartooth, The Used’s latest is a heavy-yet-dancy addition to their beloved-and-never-stale catalog.  

Better Not Sleep On This Record Award

Charmer - Ivy

Look, you literally have nothing but time on your hands. Why not spend it discovering new music from bands who deserve your attention? Seriously, turn off Love Is Blind and Too Hot To Handle and give Charmer’s moody 11-track release Ivy a try. You can thank us later.

Honorable Mention: Big Loser - Love You, Barely Living

Holy Shit We Can’t Believe That Just Happened Award

Dance Gavin Dance - “Calentamiento Global”

Four words we’ve all been thinking since Dance Gavin Dance dropped their highly anticipated album Afterburner: Tilian can speak Spanish!?

Giving the entire Swancore community a jaw-dropping moment with their new experimental track “Calentamiento Global,” in the song, DGD’s brawny frontman shows a little latin flavor with lyrics like “Te adoro, mi reina. Eres la única que veo.” Unsurprisingly, like most Dance Gavin Dance (or should we say Baile Gavin Baile) experiments, the post-hardcore act totally nailed it. 

The Back To Basics Award

The Amity Affliction - Everyone Loves You... Once You Leave Them

The Amity Affliction caught a lot of flack for their experimental 2018 release Misery. While entirely unwarranted as the metalcore vets were just looking to expand their sound, for their 2020 LP Everyone Loves You... Once You Leave Them, the Aussie outfit returned to form with their breakdown-heavy musicianship and brooding lyricism. Still have doubts? How about you give “All My Friends Are Dead” a spin or two.  

Skankin’ Pickle Award

Skatune Network - Ska Goes Emo, Vol. 1

Here’s a fun one. Adding to the list of things we never thought we’d see in 2020, go ahead and add a ska record covering some of your emo favs like My Chemical Romance, Paramore and Blink-182. Already known for his creative covers, Skatune Network really outdid himself this time around with his Ska Goes Emo LP. Who would have guessed you could skank so well to “I’m Not Okay (I Promise)?” 

The 2020 Glow-Up Award

The Word Alive - Monomania

The Word Alive has seen a lot of change over the course of their ten-year career. From 2010′s hard-hitting album Deceiver to this year’s impressive LP Monomania, the band has really grown into who they are today. For the first time, instead of putting out the music they’re expected to release, the Arizona act really stepped out of their comfort zone and dropped the music they wanted to make resulting in one of this year’s freshest and best so far.

Chocolate Covered Cranberries Award

Four Year Strong - Brain Games

For five long grueling years, we went without new music from easycore noisemakers Four Year Strong. This February, that all changed with the release of the band’s killer seventh studio album Brain Pain. Bringing the guitar-lead heaviness fans have come to love over the years along with their infectious pop-punk-leaning songwriting, Four Year Strong’s new record is the perfect balance of sour and sweet -- like chocolate covered cranberries! Who’s hungry?    

[ansu-gurleht]

okay so i went through the datamined books from eso, taking notes as i went. @boethiah sent me a message this morning about it, asking what i thought. so i figured i might as well get real comprehensive about taking down notes to answer decently, or at least do it to organize my thoughts. 

before she sent me that i hadn’t heard about this, so i went into it bright-faced and intrigued. i didn’t think my notes would end up too long, so i just figured i’d send them to her when i was done, even “talking” to her in the notes (you’ll see what i mean by that). 

but uh. as all things lore-related, i got a bit carried away. stopped almost halfway thru to go to class, and by then i’d started to notice some really weird, kinda silly shit in it. and then i noticed everybody in tesblr talking about it, and finally realized, “oh. so it’s like that.” so i figure i’ll post it here publicly instead.

despite the uh. obvious nonsense in a lot of this, i think there’s a lot of interesting things hidden away. so what i’m going to do is just post my notes under the read-more. i’m too lazy to organize them into something more coherent lol. they’re basically just me commenting on certain lines and stuff. 

i won’t like, really go into why most of this is stupid, bc other people have already done so, and better than i probably could’ve. but you’ll know. somethings i quote things and just. have no idea how to even address them other than, at best, “??????” either bc it doesn’t make much sense, eludes useful analysis, or is just stupid.

anyways, here goes:

book 1:

azura: - "the Path"? am i wrong or has a "Path" never been referenced in khajiiti lore?

khenarthi: - alkosh comforts khenarthi after lorkhaj died? yeah right. - khenarthi's role as psychopomp for azurah mirrors kyne's role for shor. but azura doesn't factor into nord/atmoran mythology at all.

jone and jode: - azurah cares for jone and jode? interesting. (also, "Bright Moons"? full moons?)

lorkhaj: - lorkhaj as "White Lion?" - namiira (the Great Darkness) followed lorkhaj as his burden? - mention of a "path" again, made by lorkhaj with purpose. sounds yokudan. - "in conflict with himself" & "represents the duality of the Khajiiti soul" ... desert and jungle ... strife, hardship, and life, love ... both tainted deadly by nirni, according to ahnissi - "We honor his sacrifice by walking the Path with purpose and resisting the call of the Dark." ... the Path again ... the Dark? namiira? - (the khajiit seem to conflate namira and nocturnal. this isn't a new concept, as they both genuinely do overlap in many ways, but an interesting one.) - "the true spirit of Lorkhaj will sometimes appear" ... "by Azurah" - nerevar/ine, "or Khenarthi" - hjalti, "or by his oldest name" - ...ysmir?

magrus: - all of this magrus stuff is new, to my knowledge. - the importance of him fleeing from "Boethra and Lorkhaj" probably excites you :P - "fell into the Moonshadow" ... "too full of fear to rule a sphere" ... "tore out his other eye" (odin parallel? a "failed" odin, maybe? unless seeing "out of one eye" is metaphorical) - "Varliance Gate"???? "Aether Prism"???? they're the sun, but those names are brand new afaik. overall a strange alternative to the story of magnus and the sun - "Some sorcerers hold that Magrus left the eye willingly" - more odin stuff

book 2:

- azurah knows all the names of all the spirits, their protonyms? that's interesting. a lot of that "protonymic" lore is derived from the whole "true names have power" stuff, popular in magical circles from sources like kabbalah thru the lens of crowley. - "And Fadomai told stories of her children and her favorite aspects of each of them. When she reached Azurah, she smiled and told her favored daughter she could not decide. And Fadomai died." ;----; - "sat in the Great Darkness for timeless ages" ... sat with namiira? - seems to have carved moonshadow from the great darkness. (the great darkness seems to have dual meaning as both oblivion and namiira. then again, i think only clan mother ahnissi said the great darkness was namiira, so that (morrowind) lore might be outdated.) - this scene with lorkhaj and his empty dark heart is......interesting. - "UR DRA NA MII RA UR DRA NA MII RA UR DRA AZU RA" - you can pick out "namiira" and "azura" in this, but the meaning of "UR" and "DRA" elude me. - lorkhaj gets his heart torn out YET AGAIN. very rude azurah - the "Moon Beast" and its hunger remind me of the yokudan sep. - i think once upon the time "dro-m'Athra" referred to daedra in general, but i think eso has made them a specific type of daedra resembling khajiit. even more specifically, some kind of "dark khajiit" born from dead evil khajiit. - "lighting the fire with lanterns of love and mercy" - your vivec is showing, azurah. or i guess, the other way around. - this "ashes of Lorkhaj" bit gets me thinking about ysmir, again. but i'm not sure what to do with that.

book 3

sheggorath: - now THIS is a not shitty interpretation of sheggorath! he's not a "god of madness," but a god of mental fortitude, a god who tests convinction. - more stuff about "the Path" - "must be ... overcome before a Khajiit can visit Hermorah's library"? - "Sheggorath is dead and has been replaced by something Other" - the hero of kvatch? but if this is from eso, that hasn't happened yet? unless the mantling of sheogorath is a pretty common occurrence; i remember someone on tumblr suggested that this might happen every era.

orkha: - "Orkha ... followed Boethra back through the Many Paths" ... what does that mean? - "Lorkhaj, Khenarthi, and Boethra battled the demon in the ancient songs" - ... as trinimac? - "but Orkha could only be banished and would not die" ;) - "serve as tests along the Path" - so far these princes are being painted similarly to their house of troubles counterparts

dagon (also called merrunz.) - no reference to merrunz being the kitty cat. :( next - ...okay not really. "explore the Great Darkness rather than the Many Paths"? - molagh "tortured him until the creation of the World?" but "the wife of Molagh freed Merrunz"? who is "the wife of Molagh"?

molagh (balls) - "twelve Demon Kings"? should probably look into how they got that number - "Boethra and Molagh fought to a standstill before the lattice, but it was Azurah who shackled the Demon King with secrets only she knows." - i dont have anything to say about this really, just an interesting line i think. - "you will overcome him with the might of Boethra, the Will Against Rule." - interesting...afaik, aside from HAVING a khajiit name, boethiah never really factored into their faith that much, and wasn't ever mentioned in clan mother ahnissi. i wonder if azurah at some point attempted to unify her plans for the dunmer and the khajiit.

merid-nunda - interestingly, the khajiit seem to call her by her magna-ge name. - "False Spirit of Greed"? - magrus "loved only himself and his own creations"? idk if this seems all that congruent with the magrus from his own description - "cold spirit, born of light without love" - interesting - "blame her for orchestrating the death of might Lorkhaj"??!?!?!? what?????????? - "When Merid-Nunda dared assault the Lattice, Azurah struck her down before the Varliance Gate and dragged her away from it. She then cast Merid-Nunda into the Void and bound her there with mirrors. The nomads say she has since escaped." this whole thing is interesting

book 4

nirni: - nothing interesting on nirni.

y'ffer: - y'ffer "corrupted by the Great Darkness," (namira), who apparently killed nirni???!??! what??????? - worth noting that ahnissi doesn’t paint y’ffer as “corrupted” or evil or anything. in her words he’s kinda just a moron who doesn’t *get it* and does his own thing instead.  - don’t get the obsession with making namiira some like. crazy super evil being. feels like eso took a look at the list of princes and was like “who hasn’t tried to destroy/take over the world yet. that’s what daedric princes do right”

hircine - hircine doesn't get a funny ta'agra name, i guess. - graht-elk?

hermorah - hermorah helps azurah maintain the ja-kha'jay?

sangiin - according to what this says about sangiin, khajiit are actually NOT one of the most hedonistic races on tamriel. suuuuuuuuure, buddy.

book 5

- a look at the khajiit afterlife w/ azurah in moonshadow. - first you walk the sands, then you walk the glass, then you walk the thorns, then you have a good time, then azurah sends you back to nirn do something else (reincarnated)? but it might just be this one guy who goes off to do something ("Bring my children back"), he seems kinda special. no idea who he's supposed to be.

book 6

- all this shit about akha and alkosh and alkhan is bullshit. the fuck is akha even supposed to be? according to his name you'd assume an association with akatosh, but alkosh is akatosh, right?

akha: - this book says akha is the first cat. ahnissi says alkosh is the first cat. - "Pathfinder and the One Unmourned" - are we talking about akatosh or dagoth ur here. - "Many Paths"??? again?? what are they. knockoff walking ways? - "mated with the Winged Serpent of the East [akavir], the Dune Queen of the West [yokuda], and the Mother Mammoth of the North [atmora]. He then went to the South [pyandonea] and never returned." then alkosh shows up and says "yikes that akha guy was a little fucked huh?"

alkosh: - alkosh is "The Dragon King" and "Highmane." association with the Mane of the khajiit - "In time, the children of Akha overthrew [Alkosh] and scattered his body on the West Wind." ...??? is this a reference to the middle dawn? seems unlikely - apparently khenarthi put him back together. also seems unlikely

alkhan: - oh so the khajiit recognize alduin now too. cool.

boethra: - and boethiah i guess, why not????

mafala: - mafala has always been part of khajiit religion, tho, afaik. she is the og clan mother. - "She watches over Eight of the Many Paths, each of which a Khajiit must walk in time." ?????????? wtf are the many paths!!!!! why are there eight of them!!!!!! is this a reference to the spiral skein, or satellite realms (the spokes) of it? - forreal i think they gave up on pretense here when they started listing allies and shit. - "Her numbers are Eight and Sixteen, and these are two of her keys." this just sounds like something from the 36 lessons tbh. this doesn't sound like khajiit lore at all

book 7

lorkhaj (moon beast): - confusingly, lorkhaj as fadomai's favored son and lorkhaj as the moon beast are called by the same name, and despite this have separate entries in these books. - wonder if there's some equivalent in other myths to the moon beast. he seems pretty interesting, being "born of the dark heart of Lorkhaj" - there's UR DRA again, attached to namiira, again, who is apparently an enemy of the khajiit.

namiira: - apparently eso has rebranded namiira as like, an absolute enemy of the khajiit, with the dro-m'athra as her corrupted-khajiit minions or something? except i thought dro-m'athra originated from the moon beast? anyways, ahnissi only said that the great darkness became namiira. didn't say that was a bad thing necessarily. - also, her khajiiti ta'agra name, namiira, just so happens to be her protonym, NA MII RA.

noctra: - oh, so they do have nocturnal, as "noctra". - wait, so she's the "daughter of twilight"??? isn't twilight, idk, azura's thing???? (i feel like i've heard nocturnal be associated with twilight before, but it still makes little sense. it was probably from eso, too.) - boethra separated noctra from namiira. one could say she *stole* noctra from namiira ;) - noctra is ok by the khajiit, whereas her progenitor namiira is not. ok?

varmiina: - ok we have vaermina now too i guess. why the fuck not. - "The Lost Daughter. This spirit was not of any litter, but was born from Fadomai's fear of losing her children." - "Azurah killed this dark spirit in the Underworld" what the fuck is "the Underworld". they just be making shit up now

[?????] (no, really. that's what it says. dunno if that's a placeholder or intentional): - "[?????] A spirit of vengeance. It has no will of its own, as it was born from Azurah's grief after the death of Fadomai and Lorkhaj." ????? - "It sometimes appears in songs as a black panther, a warrior in ebony armor, or as a hidden sword." idk about "a black panther," but the "warrior in ebony armor" evokes ebonarm, who's technically still canon, and "a hidden sword" could be umbra. not sure what the connection here is.

[desertpacificoctopi]

i havent even played spm but. all of them. all of the questions. unless u dont wanna do all of em i just like heaing ur opinions

oh?? oh shit?? here we fucking go

1. what is your favorite chapter? imma keep it real with u chief, i just love gloam valley’s aesthetic so it’s prolly chapter 2. plus mimi shows up and she is my terrible little daughter. merlee’s rhymes are fun too!

2. what is your least favorite chapter?i know it’s kinda easy pickings but sammer’s kingdom is just, tedious. if we’re getting very technical i Guess it does contain one or two of my favorite moments of the game but like. i was not really here for beating the same dude using bowser over and over

3. who do you play as the most?peach babey!! i love her floaty thing and also i am just Very gay. her dialogue is also excellent. let this princess sass

4. who do you play as the least?i feel bad abt this but it’s probably luigi just by virtue of how late he shows up, how slippery he handles, and how few puzzles he is actually needed to solve. my green boy i love you forgive me

5. favorite minion?i’m Always soft for some o’chunks, lads. he’s just a fun guy and honestly has himbo energies. but i love all of the minions so much, except dimentio for reasons but he is an enjoyable character nonetheless

6. favorite hero?you cannot fucking make me pick and you are not making me pick. they all have virtues and they’re all, just so interesting. i’m soft about mario as a character in general, peach is The Eternal Love Of My Me, i’m always hype to play as bowser the big softie, and luigi in this one is just hhhnnnhh listen good luigi character arc good characterization. so i’m not picking

7. what song is your favorite?ooogh spm has so many good tracks. i’ve talked about bounding through time before, and everyone knows about the ultimate show (fuckin valid of yall to keep mixing it with the world revolving from deltarune), so i guess i’ll call it on proof of existence from the end of the game for now! it’s good song title and the 3/4 time feel makes my heart feel light and bouncy. everything is okay now.

8. what song is your least favorite?dsfhjds i don’t really dislike the soundtrack but i suppose it’s strange company, the track that plays when you’re meeting a new pixl. they just reuse the same track over and over despite their different personalities and? that bothers me i suppose? the vibe does Not fit all of them. it fits boomer and that’s It.

9. have you ever done the flipside or flopside pit of 100 trials?oogh maybe i did the flipside one? definitely not the flopside pit. maybe i should try it sometime, but the combat in this game wasn’t the draw for me, so. shrugs

10. have you collected all the maps?sydhfds no prolly not, considering i don’t remember much about them. fleep buddy you were useful like twice,,

11. do you buy items and use them on enemies?i’m an item hoarder so like, ee not really i guess. i think i used them more for the king croacus fight bc that bitch is hard to fight for me

12. favorite flipside citizen?i had to go looking bc i don’t remember people but, helvetica the author is a sad little man and i feel bad for him

13. favorite flopside citizen?the chef in flopside. wife.

14. favorite pixl? looks at carrie. baby ur my aNGELLLLLL. you and dottie are the only bitches with actual personalities. honorable mentions include you can make cudge say fuck so that’s cool, and slim just has excellent vibes

15. least favorite pixl?there isn’t really enough personality to any of them for me to Hate them but thoreau seems like a little bitch so. slam dunks him

16. favorite side character? (luvbi,squirps)oogh both mentioned in the question are Incredible. luvbi my godawful baby girl, and also squirps is a gremlin but they made me cry so. honorable mentions include jaydes bc she’s tall and i’m gay, nastasia bc i’m crying, merlumina bc she’s pretty and can’t shut up, and bonechill because that bitch cannot help but gossip even as he is about to die and i respect that

anyway Fuck thank you roman. shit. fuck. talk to me about paper mario

[andessence]

me, going in to the “an arrow’s flight” tags for good pyrrhus content and finding next to nothing: :/ me, going into the general pyrrhus tag for any pyrrhus content and finding it flooded with hate from song of achilles fans: >:/

listen y’all i’m a tSoA stan too but we CANNOT possibly pretend to convince ourselves that madeline miller didn’t do other characters dirty to advance/give sympathy to her OTP. in some cases common iliad interpretation is subverted which is cool but other times facts are straight up IGNORED. it even happens with the main character like !!! patroclus’s funeral is before priam comes to beg for hector’s body back, but miller needed another reason for achilles to gently angst and correct a Straight Fool saying “sorry for the loss of your friend” so fuck the iliad’s timeline! it also probably wouldn’t do to have achilles squash reader sympathy by dragging hector’s corpse all around patroclus’s tomb but anyway.....

shit man before i even talk about pyrrhus i GOTTA say that she made some Real Questionable choices about patroclus’s representation too. i love that boy, i really do, and i think if miller’s characterization existed without precedent it would be totally fine but the undeniable uwu-ification of Soft Boi Sweet Baby patroclus is !! fucking rude and also pretty lame in imagination as it seems to say that one of our gays has to “really behave like the girl” and that’s !! wack !! yeah patroclus isn’t the legendary warrior achilles is.. but that DOESN’T MEAN you make him constitutionally unable to fight and relegate him to the office of femininity in order to code him gay!! it’s demeaning !! YES he can be good at medicine and YES he can think the war is terrible given his specific circumstances of “destined to lose my love in the war” and he can be sympathetic as a conduit character but it’s pretty fucking broke that miller clearly thought that it was necessary to make his character feminine in order to overtly show the gay relationship. it reeks of the “okay but which of you gays is really the man and which is really the woman” rhetoric

so KNOWING DEAD ASS that miller fudges characters to get the means for her love story, you gotta admit her treatment of pyrrhus is really fucking wack. yeah accounts of him generally seem to concur that he was Harsh and Rigid and Made Questionable Human Sacrifices but the specific way miller chooses to portray him is... hhhhh. okay so she wraps it in this guise of “he’s had all  the humanity bred out of him by thetis and therefore He’s Evil And We Hate Him, right?” but we’ve spent this WHOLE ASS BOOK talking about how war and society at large make monsters of us and that even a pacifist like patroclus becomes consumed by the glory of battle in the heat of it, so making your Unredeemable Asshole someone who’s human sense to hate violence is worn down by gods sort of mixes our symbolism up. is it man that corrupts himself? the gods? society? miller’s fucking up the clarity of that message with thetis creating this pyrrhus. it’s ALSO fucked because we spent the whole book building sympathy for achilles by patroclus saying “wow if achilles were raised by his mother he would have been cold and heartless and that makes me feel for the softness that could be lost in his demigod body” but pyrrhus LITERALLY UNDERWENT that tragic dehumanizing and suddenly we’re supposed to hate that instead of empathize with it! 

and of COURSE we had to put the last nail in the coffin of empathy for pyrrhus by having him try to r*ape briseis because miller has been using r*pe as a shorthand for evil this whole time and that sure doesn’t feel tacked on or oversimplified at all! and we have Woke Boy Patroclus whose opinions about women’s rights are SO anachronistic that everyone else looks like a monster (to be fair, it IS monstrous, but i can see the pandering in patroclus being our Feminist Good Guy from a mile away).

and making pyrrhus your plot contrivance not  to bury achilles and patroclus together right away?? idk abt that one buddy! feels like u needed just 1 more homophobic hurdle to overcome and u dropped that burden on pyrrhus! because pyrrhus being the hetero asshole ? y’all EVER read up on pyrrhus pre-troy? the whole ass episode with philoctetes? ENORMOUSLY GAY (even when i don’t mention how some modern retellings make it explicitly gay). the ONLY way i buy pyrrhus trying to stop achilles’ associated memory with patroclus is as desperation for honor and HMMMM WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT! that’s the theme we always return to as achilles’ tragic flaw and that is made SYMPATHETIC AS HELL in achilles because when prophesies control your life and you can’t choose happiness, memory and honor are all you have, but when PYRRHUS makes bad choices to maintain honor and memory then suddenly it’s entirely unsympathetic and evil of him!

i’ll say it again i fucking love the song of achilles but i can do that while also acknowledging that it told a specifically manipulated and narrow narrative that left lots of character complexity on the cutting room floor

and if i have to live my damn life going through the pyrrhus tags just to see blind, belligerent “fuck you pyrrhus! patrochilles 4 LYFE” sentiment, i’m going to lose my fucking mind!

[miscellaneousmoontoffee]

MoonToffee A monster in Paris AU

The full timeline and some notes ( contains swearing and gets kinda lazy towards the end! ) (( another note Chauncey although mentioned sometimes doesn’t come up much in the AU cause there wasn’t much need, so sorry pig-goat lovers! ))

Characters

- Moon = Lucille - Toffee = Francoeur ( both monsters toffee's just a lot more cunning but I think in this AU he's going to be a lot more open and slightly naive because of the circumstances ) - River = Raoul / Emile ( Raoul's place in the story-ish and Emile's more cautious behavior but without his romance of Maud. ) - Mina = Victor ( the antagonist that's pretty full of themselves and could potentially/go mad, I think they fit each other pretty well ) - No one = Maud ( since river is going to be following after Raoul in terms of loving Moon/Lucille there is no need for a Maud plus no one really fits her much anyway ) - Count Mildrew = Albert ( both background characters and kinda up their respective asses ) - A solarian soldier = Pate ( Pate is the inspector/right hand man of Victor btw ) - Comet = Carlotta ( both the main female leads mum/mother figure ) - Chauncey = Charles ( Chauncey in this AU of course still belongs to moon but she tells him to keep an eye on the river, plus she lets him hang out with the professor cause they both have fun together, aka the prof needed a smart animal companion (( mad scientist aesthetic man )) and Chauncey wanted more food than moon gave him )

Loose plot

- River wakes up daydreaming about being together with moon then is like oh i forgot something ( you can choose what he forgot ) so he goes downstairs. - his dad is like "hey son can you help me run some errands?" obviously this was not a question so river hops in his dad's car and they drive off to do the thing. - his dad drops him off at the lab to deliver some eggs and says he needs to go do some other task and that hes gonna go and he will pick him up when hes done, and River is like "dad I’m just giving some dude eggs i can go with ya" - so his dad goes well actually the guy is out of the country and hes sure they dude wouldn't mind if river went in and looked around, wink wink nudge nudge. - river gets the message and his dad drives away. - He goes in and is like okay I'm glad I went to do chores today this is awesome, and then a pig starts chewing on his trousers and hes like " Chauncey?? what are you doing, does moon know you're here?!?" and Chauncey says nothing cause he's a pig but he tries to push river to the exit but river doesn’t pick up on this hint. - so river goes "Oooh do you wanna explore with me little buddy?" and Chauncey is like 'no leave' but river goes into the lab anyway. - the look around for a bit and river starts drawing stuff that looks cool ( the drawing is bad but he wants to  remember what stuff looks like ) -he finds some potions and is like "ooh I wonder what they do???" so tests one out on a seed that says "instant growth potion " on a label. - it of course grows and he's like wow but walks back to see it better and knocks some potions over. - Chauncey goes to try and stop the potions but steps on a lizards tail and it gets scared and runs under where the potions are falling ( river of course doesn't notice this ) - crash, boom, smoke! - river gets up and sees the shadow of a lizard man and is like " AHHHHHHH AHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" so it runs away so river draws it before he forgets then runs out to the front to get home, not caring that his dad said he would pick him up he's not waiting for that thing to get him! - unfortunately he drops a handkerchief which crudely had his name stitched into it and leaves back to his house. - A couple of days pass and the lizard monster starts showing up in the papers. - an investigation is started over the mysterious explosion at the lab and the new monster that appeared the very same night. - the cheif investigator tells mina loveberry 'bout this and she's like "yes, now is my chance to rise to the top!" - they look around and find River's handkerchief.

- Cut to moon, and her club is looking for a new act/singer and it's not going well. - so one of the waiters, a real smug bastard, is auditioning and it's just him singing badly about how amazing he is and telling her that she's welcome for the free performance of a god. - and she's like "yeah... no thanks I don't really think the club is really the right fit for you." - so hes like " FINE I'M TOO TALENTED FOR THIS LITTLE CLUB I'LL GO FORM MY OWN CLUB! ( *bender voice* with blackjack and hookers! ) - so she's like " yep you are way too good for us, I worry if you joined I would be out of a job. goodbye now! " - Cue Mildrew seeing toffee and freaking out trying to go back in but still being really vain ( ' PLEASE LET ME IN I'LL EVEN SIGN YOU AN AUTOGRAPH!!! ' ) - It doesn't work out so he jumps a nearby fence and books it. - Toffee is like what is that awful ringing noise is it this? and then proceeds to ring the doorbell a million times just too ' make sure it's this '. - So Moon opens the finally all like " YES Mildrew what is it- of holy fudging schnitzels " - she accidentally hits it with the door and is apologizing profusely as she goes to help the ' person ' up. - sees its the lizard person and freaks out, bolts and locks the door. - hears it singing a sad song ( more bitter about the people than the original though ) and is like oh it can talk???? also it has a godly voice???? - she gets an umbrella and tentatively opens the door and apologizes and welcomes this creature in out the rain. - he is suspicious but goes in anyway because its better than freezing to death in the rain - so she awkwardly starts conversation " Soo I'm sorry about hitting you with the door and leaving like that, I just got a bit.... panicked. but might as well start with names, mines moon " - and he just kinda sits there and she picks up that ‘oops he doesn't have one’ so she looks around and is like I have to call him something. - then she looks at a box of toffees a fan had given her and is like " Since you don't seem to have a name would you like me to call you toffee? I'm not the best with names but I need to call you something. " - so he goes ok, and she says that if he wants to stay in Paris he should probably have a disguise.

-cut back to river and someone knocks on his door. - he goes and opens it and it reveals officers who see his drawing of the monster in the lab on his wall and he is arrested. - they bring him to mina, and he starts pleading not to go to prison and that it was all an accident. - ( they also brought Chauncey who was staying with River) - he panicking blames the pig and chauncy narrows his eyes as this will be remembered for later.... - Mina tells him not to worry and that by creating a monster he has actually helped her in one of her secret projects and she gives him a badge of honor. - River leaves and then is like "now that I have this badge I have the confidence to go to one of moons shows and maybe I can try and woo her with my badge!" - so he goes to see her and due to the fact that Mildread is still pissed at moon he gives river the best seats in the house cause he is bad at revenge, so river thinks its his lucky day! - he sees the show and was hypnotized by moons song so he decides to push his luck by going to talk to her back stage. - during the time river was being arrested moon got to see a lot of what Toffee could do and who he is;

. he has a pretty wry sense of humor . he is rather naive in the way of society and social cues . he's also really smart and a quick learner . she also gives him his disguise ( his hair isn't a wig ) . he is pretty fuckin' strong . really stubborn . takes a while for him to trust her but when he does he's pretty clingy . he is vain about his hair and constantly brushes it to lay flat, it always curls at the ends anyway. . he REALLY likes suits. and is rather cuddly.

- so the performance is about to start but he doesn't want to leave her side and sit with the band so cue the scene in the movie. - they actually perform and they end up dancing together on stage, and she refuses to admit to her self that her face felt a little warm when he looked at her with such a loving look while dancing. - back to after the performance and river comes over nervously to congratulate her for the awesome performance, and goes to shake toffee's hands when he spots his tail. - he shrieks and moon puts her hand over his mouth and drags him and toffee back to her dressing room. - she tries to tell him that she knows he's the monster and he's not awful at all. - but river starts freaking out so she slaps him and tells him to get a grip man! - he calms down a little but is still like how are you so calm - so moon tells him why toffee is not dangerous and he calms down properly. - unfortunately for them Mildrew overhears and he now has a better idea for revenge against moon...

- the police arrive soon moon leaves to greet them and try to distract them, while river has to hide toffee. - so Moon goes to the door and is like " oh Mina I wasn't expecting you, what are you doing here? " - And Mina's like " sorry mud sister but this is serious business, where are you hiding it? " - and Moons like fuck she already knows its here somewhere. so she plays dumb " hiding what? I don't have anything to hide. " ( as she sweats bullets ) - and Mina already knowing that moons lying just barges through with the inspector and the 'troops' - Mina instantly tries to go to moons dressing room but moon cuts her off " okay Mina I'm sorry but if you go in there we can't  be mud sisters it's a blatant breach of my privacy. " - and Mina calls her bluff and goes in anyway. - Moon is like fuck everything's over they found him... crud. - so when she goes in to make her last stand she is surprised that they are nowhere to be found, and so is Mina. ( surprised that is ) - the inspector comes in and says they haven't found anything so Mina stands silently for a while then goes and pleads to moon to be mud sisters again. - moon still a bit high on adrenaline from then panic says yes just to get her out of the room and they leave after arresting Mildrew for basically pissing Mina off. - moon sighs and says that they can come out and the cost is clear after Mina and the others leave. - she then gets spooked as toffee pops out of her piano, so she lends him a hand and then checks to make sure nothing's broken in her piano. ( storing lizard men in your pianos isn’t a good for pianos kids ) - river then falls down the chimney coughing from all the soot and toffee warily gives him a hand up. ( the start of a beautiful friendship! )

- the next day Mina opens the Montmartre Funicular ( its a escalator/elevator thing on a hill I think ) - the trio ( plus Chauncey ) planned last night that they are going to fake toffee's death on the opening day so people won't look for him and he can live a normal life. - so Mina introduces moon who is going to sing for the opening. - so halfway through singing river loudly shouts " oh my god it's the monster oooh nooo! " - so the crowd starts panicking and Mina is like ' It’s my time to shine! ' - then Toffee hops down and picks up moon bridal style and roars viciously - and moon is all like " oh noooo it's got me, whatever shall I do? " - one of the 'soldiers' tries to shoot toffee but Mina tells him not to as he could hit her blood sister. - then she remembers that river had conveniently given some ' anti monster grenade ' earlier so she throws it and smoke spreads everywhere. - when the smoke clears the monster is gone and the crowd rejoices their savior (the crowd lead by river and moon of course ) - but then Mina spots a scarf caught in the trapdoor and opens it to reveal toffee.

- moon freaks out so her and river shout at toffee to run, as they themselves make a break for it. - river had conveniently brought his dads car/van to get there ( with his dad's permission of course ) so they hopped in and booked it as toffee went the other way so there would be less people chasing him. - luckily Chauncey had already been waiting in the car so they didn't need to wait for him to get in. - so they speed down the street narrowly avoiding obstacles, one of which ended up making river loose his ' fashionable ' straw coat to a horse. - unfortunately for them a hook ends up grabbing their car and they look up and who is it other than Mina and an exhausted looking soldier peddling their FREAKING AIRSHIP LIKE MINA YOU REALLY DIDN'T NEED A WHOLE FUC- - so moon has to climb out and try and get rid of it cause river is driving. - unfortunately for her it's way to heavy and she almost ends up falling off several times, but fortunately ( finally something good for these poor characters ) toffee was making his getaway very near to them so he hopped down on the cars bonnet to help moon pull off the hook. - but because things can never be easy it doesn't work and Mina ends up lifting the car off the ground. ( also moon falls back onto toffee's chest, cue blushy blushy BS when they think back on this at a later date,a scenario which I have obviously not written ) - so they are currently panicking as moon and toffee precariously make their way back inside the van so when they inevitably fall they won’t be as injured. - so Mina drops them in to the seine to try and drown toffee, currently forgetting that her mud sister ( however traitorous she may be ) was in there. - luckily when they start sinking river's father had been planning a boating trip so he had oars in the back. - they paddle to the Eiffel tower before they drown and make it, only loosing River's dad's car along the way. which in the end maybe worse than drowning in the long run. ( for River at least )

- river mourns the car and they make their way up the tower unsure what to really do now other than try and get as far away from Mina as possible. - Mina shoots the airship and she lands on the Eiffel tower, the soldier only just making it out alive by jumping into the seine. - the trio reaches the top when toffee starts to feel weak and moon notices that a lot of his scales are falling off, and she gets worried but slings his arm over her shoulder and asks river to help her carry him to the top. - they are almost at the top when they are stopped when moon placed toffee down for a bit to rest her arms and she hears a gun click. - Mina demands they hand over the monster and toffee makes a run for it up a ladder to the very top of the tower, so Mina brushes harshly past moon to run after toffee. - unfortunately for moon she was standing too close to an edge and got pushed over but managed to grab the edge. - so river goes to try and help moon but somehow also falls over, hanging only onto a spare belt he tried to lower down. ( hey it’s always handy to have a spare belt y’know? ) - luckily they forgot Chauncey was there because he was trailing behind them the whole way up the tower, so he pulls them both up and moon rushes for the ladder after hugging River and Chauncey. - River goes up too but a bit slower and more careful, after almost falling to his death he didn’t really wanna take another chance after all. - Moon goes up there only to see toffee get shot by Mina and fall to a lower level. - before Mina can look over and make sure he's dead the police inspector comes over and arrests her after the ‘soldier’ who was peddling the airship called the other police officers to arrest Mina for leaving him for dead. - moon vaguely sees this but doesn't stick around long, she rushes back down past river (who had only just gotten up here) to find where toffee fell. - she only found his clothes and no body. - It doesn't really register that he could have escaped because of the shock so she just cries - river finds her and comforts her and she brings the clothes back to her dressing room as to not forget him.

- the next day she realizes she has to perform but she is still overcome by grief, so she picks up his scarf to at least wear if she has to perform when she feels wiggling. - she carefully unwinds the scarf and inside there is a lizard. a lizard missing its middle finger. - overwhelmed by joy she tells river and him and Chauncey go to get a potion that will turn him back to his bipedal form permanently. - so he turns back and after hugging him really hard and him apologizing ( what for though? upsetting her? IDK ask him ) she asks if he wants to go sing with her and he says yes. - they perform and at the almost end of the dance she kisses him, just a light peck but a kiss none the less. - river is semi-heart broken yet had kind of seen it coming for a while now. - and toffee goes beet red as the crowd whistles. - while her mum squeals that her baby had finally found a partner! - END

Notes + extras

- Moon cuts off toffees finger when she was cooking with him at one point but then constantly apologizes for it later, he of course forgives her but she does it anyway and he likes making little jokes and jabs at her about it. - Although when we first see River it looks like he's bad with the cold due to the amount of clothes he's wearing, he is actually really good with the cold and was constantly almost overheating but wanted to impress moon with clothing items that his friends told him were cool. of course they weren't very cool all in one outfit. - when toffee first transformed he got his hair, he doesn't know where from but he thinks there may have been some hair on the floor when he got hit by the potion. - Moon takes star's role as Mina's mud sister since star isn't here in this AU. - cause river was distracted when he was watching moon performance before he knew toffee he didn't see the way they ( moon + toffee ) looked at each other but looking back he can definitely see 'it'.  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) - due to the potion making toffee human it also increased his regenerative ability from being a lizard to new heights ( for example, if an ant were human sized it would have super strength ) (( no this doesn’t really come into play into the story )) - after the kiss on stage Toffee and moon share another kiss in her dressing room ( nothing like that get your mind out of the gutter! ) - Chauncey was staying with River before he got arrested because when he left the lab scared he brought him so he wouldn't get hurt but then was too shy to give him back to Moon. - Mina calls the police her ' troops ' in reference to the solarian warriors. possibly why no one wants her as mayor...

[beaniegyu]

i got the constellation on my back with some flowers! i can send you pictures after i reveal myself hehe it’s my favorite tattoo from the ones i have, it’s literally so pretty!!!! and THANK YOU !!!! i mean we ain’t the easiest i’ll admit that, but we fucking cool !!! i always find myself attracted to water signs :/

OH MY GOOOOOD!!!!!! WHO ALLOWED HIM JFC!!!!!!! HE IS SO SEXY 😡😡😡😡😡

i think that’s like general south american stuff bc i’m also from south america and this is SO TRUE! jeonghan latino wbk.

PLS SAMEx3 THE FIRST TIME I HEARD IT I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF VERSACE ON THE FLOOR!!!!!! LIKE!!!!!! also not the habit and singing in the shower thing me with beautiful idk why

for my vu songs:

1. second life: no words just lee jihoon’s high note on repeat every day for 5 hours.

2. come to me: idk the way jeonghan’s bridge hits is different and it just makes my heart tingle i think this song is very underrated

3. habit: THE WAAAAAY THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM GOING THROUGH A DIVORCE!!!!!!

but honestly i love basically every single vu song they’re literally IT for me

- ☀️

for hhu!!! 1. lean on me: this is one of my go to hurt comfort songs. when vernon goes “naegero wa i know that it’s so hard” i just LEVITATE 2. un haeng il chi: BIG DICK ENERGY ALL AROUND!!!!!! THEY’RE ALL SO SEXY AND SUCH GOOD PERFORMERS AND RAPPERS GOD PLS 3. check in: THIS SONG!!!!!! idk it makes me wanna jump and bouce and just Be Happy honorable mention to back it up just bc of vernon’s verse and his amazing lyricist ass NOW! rank the age unit songs from most to least favorite !!

answer under the cut because i wrote an essay 😚 lmao

omg that's so CUTE. i would love to see it after the reveal 🥺. i love constellation tattoos. i'm terrified of needles though so i think i'd go tattooless my entire life anyways but if i ever get over my fear i would definitely get something star related.

i'm glad you agree heh. i didn't wanna generalize and say all latam countries not to offend anyone other than my people lmao, but yeah... we're build different and jeonghan fits the role so well. actually most of them do. sometimes i think about very latin/arg scenarios and how they would fit in them and it's hilarious.

woozi and bruno mars singing versace on the floor while wearing matching versace shirts that would be funny and crazy good at the same time. and as for your choices, man, i agree!!!!!! come to me is such a cute one 🥺. it's everything habit isn't, you know what i mean? they make you go from tragic divorce to happily strolling through a park hand in hand with a lover.

can we agree vernon tends to get the iconic verses? and he DESERVES. also, check in is one of those songs i end singing throughout the day lmao like if i listened to it it stays in my brain for a good couple of days after and i go about my day naming cities in the wrong order because i can't ever learn the right lyrics.

BACK IT UP!!!!!!! and UN HAENG IL CHI wth was that i don't know but i appreciate it so much. thank you hhu. thank you also for trauma and chilli because they're both stellar. gam3 bo1 though........................... yeah. not it, i'm so sorry.

okay age unit songs!

ah! love: it’s musically the most similar to what i like to listen to the most when i’m not listening to kpop, does that make sense? i don’t know but i live for the vibe.

hey buddy: OKAY hear me out i have a whole scenario in my head when i listen to this song and it has nothing to do with the actual lyrics. i get a cinematic vibe from it. i kinda picture it playing in the background during a scene in a spy comedy film where the characters go from being very bad spies to well trained ones. i’m aware this is ODDLY SPECIFIC but think about it in mv form? gyu, seok and hao training to become spies and go save the world? wouldn’t it be cool? i love the idea. plediss hire me pls.

light a flame: i have another mv idea for this unit. all 4 of them out in a caribbean town at night, drinking cocktails, dancing with girls and/or boys. there’s a local band playing the instruments and woozi joins them because he plays all the instruments and if he doesn’t he’s a fast learner anyways. 

do re mi: i love this one too but i guess the other three took over my brain 😭

what’s your ranking?

[1000-directions]

"40 Questions — Meme for Fic Writers" 4, 16, 17, 28, and/or 38?

4. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Care to share one of them?

ummmmm i have three wips going right now. i also have some truckstop au ideas that i haven’t started writing yet, but i vaguely know that louis is gonna drive to a breeder like four hours away to get a fancy dog for bebe, and she’s going to move into his house and meet freddie, and at some point they’re going to drive back to her hometown and he’s going to meet her family. and eventually they’re gonna get married and live happily ever after. i can’t figure out exactly where they’re gonna end up. like, they could stay in mineola and take over the truckstop, but maybe they also have like a mildly successful youtube page where they write and sing silly adorable songs for each other. more likely, i think briana is going to insist on moving to a bigger city so freddie can go to a better school, and louis is going to have to follow her, and bebe’s going to come along, too. so that would be either kansas city or st. louis. i would love for them to end up in nashville eventually, meeting up with louis’ buddy niall who’s now a successful solo artist, but i don’t know how that would work.

16. If you only could write one pairing for the rest of your life, which pairing would it be?

noooOOOO don’t make me pick. if i only get one, elounor feels like it makes the most sense? because i would have a continuous wealth of canon to draw on? but...how depressing to just write one pairing. my heart wants to scream NOUIS even though i’ve like barely ever even written nouis. this question is giving me anxiety lol. LOUIS/HAPPINESS, that’s my final answer.

17. Do you write your story from start to finish, or do you write the scenes out of order?

start to finish. sometimes i’ll make a note for myself of a future scene that i don’t want to forget, but by the time i get there, it never just slots easily into place anyway. i would never be able to write out of order.

28. Share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much.

ooh jeez. first is @queerlyalex who is like...so good at writing that it’s ridiculous. so good at worldbuilding, so good at hitting emotional beats. ships EVERYTHING, embraces tropes, is basically the best. plus, like a world champion expert on writing a gorgeous diversity of characters and experiences and making them feel natural and subtle instead of having that always be The Point Of The Story. i’ve had epiphanies from reading their stories. they are an important and wonderful voice, and our fandom is lucky as hell to have them. 

um okay obviously @niallspringsteen, who is like...the perfect example of someone i fucking worshipped and then basically tricked into being my friend 😈 to the end of the night is still pretty much the best story ever written, and i wrote her really over the top comments and followed her on tumblr and basically wrote and dedicated a story for her BEFORE WE’D EVER EVEN TALKED and eventually i wore her down and now we’re friends and she’s stuck with me forever 😈😈 sav is amazing with emotions, and she writes amazingly complex and wise children, and also she is the best niall writer ever.

and then i will go with @magicalrocketships who is such a good writer that she’s basically legendary, but she’s also really approachable, and very generous with headcanons and asks and questions and all that. what i find most important about her work is the emphasis she places on safety, like just feeling completely comfortable with the person you’re with, just...completely able to be vulnerable and be yourself and be loved for that person exactly as you are, and it’s really influenced my own writing a lot, and it’s also just some super positive energy to put out there into the universe.

honorable mention to @1dgaf who made me into a nouie before i was on tumblr, and then i came to tumblr and they were like LOL BYE FOREVER and we never got to be friends and i’m so mad about it lol. but i devoured all their work on ao3, and i’d never read nouis or cared about it AT ALL, and they ruined me and then ABANDONED ME lol the great tragedy of my fandom experience. but their stories were super amazing gateway drugs into nouis fandom.

38. Talk about a review that made your day.

i just got a comment on part of your world, my camille/trans harry fic, that made me super emotional. honestly, all of the comments on that have made me really emotional, because i love that story and i wanted it to be super positive and affirming, but i wasn’t sure if it would come across that way, and i was really nervous about writing so far outside of my experience and coming across like i was appropriating or being disrespectful. but i got a comment very recently from someone who said the story really represented their experience, and it was just the nicest thing to hear, and i’ll never be over it.

meme for fic writers

[rnaryjune]

rewatching todd’s 2016 lists because reasons

and thoughts

and also i meant to at the beginning of the year WHOOPS

Worst Of

don’t know sit still look pretty but they’ve been playing scars to your beautiful at work CONSTANTLY now and i’m sick of it

idk jumpman or lost boy or bad things

look i can’t help it “u ugly u your daddy’s son” is hilarious to me idk anything else about that song though

buddy i KNEW treat you better was gonna be on this list. also btw shawn mendes has a song called mercy and it LEGIT sounds just like his last two songs

i agree that No by Trainor shouldn’t be on the list, but honestly i don’t mind don’t let me down. it’s not GOOD but i’d listen to it willingly.

pillowtalk is eh but i can see why some ppl would like it. the chorus is alright.

i hate u i love u? idk i can’t even tell if i’ve ever heard this. man i love when i’ve never heard half of todd’s worst ofs lmao

don’t know close one call away is AWFUL glad this was at least an honorable mention i HATED just like fire and yes it sounds just like all of pink’s other songs love yourself is vapid and annoying and would likely be at least tolerable if it didn’t come from biebs himself me myself and i. eh. unsteady was so BLEAGH and yea x ambassadors sucks

buddy is ANYONE surprised that 7 years took top spot. personally i think it would be better if the song came from someone who was...older. actually my mom loves this song and for that i can’t hate the song as much as todd does. honestly if the lyrics were rewritten and my mom sang it it’d be a much better song, and one that todd himself might even like.

Best Of

I didn’t think Adventure of a Lifetime was on the charts for 2016?? i thought it was 2015?? whatever i like the song and im pleased todd enjoys it; that said i enjoy coldplay’s earlier stuff...and paradise.

honestly i’m not a big beyonce fan in terms of music. i love halo but that’s pretty much it. (i like single ladies more for music than anything else tbh) but anyway yea i agree that the whole fact that she wrote a whole DAMN album about jay z cheating is fucking INCREDIBLE.

idk too good

i had a feeling cake by the ocean might be on the best of. it’s meh but the beat is kicking and yea the swearing is bleh. i never think of it being about sex though.

i expected todd to like send my love. idrk the other one i’ve heard it like once. 2boring4me.

starboy has a cool chorus but that’s about all it does for me

i KNEW todd would put i took a pill on his best of. he gushed over it so much in his review.

into you is a good song i don’t really listen to it but it IS good

when i was first told about 24k magic i knew todd would love it. and i LOVE IT MORE AND MORE EACH DAY it’s PERF and it should’ve been number one

idk perfect idk all the way up cheap thrills is alright, i sure don’t mind it can’t stop the feeling is corny but fine idrk the sound they’ve been playing kids at my job constantly it’s okay THIS GIRL IS A GREAT SONG LUV IT LOTS

closer is a miserable sounding song and i don’t get why todd likes this so much but w/e to each their own

[afroboydyke]

A VOLTRON PENTATONIX AU?? AKA LANCEYONCE AND CREW

Okay so sit the fuck down everyone I’m documenting this annoying ass dream that has been haunting me for the best few months. 

The Basis: So we all know about Pentatonix, right? (If you don’t, it’s an a capella group that remakes the old songs of famous artists to give them a new sound. They also have a few of their own original pieces). So, basically, imagine the Voltron gang doing this, except not a capella. They remake the tracks and beats to near perfection in order to pull this off.

The group consists of Allura, Pidge, Shay, Hunk, Lance, Keith, and Shiro, with Matt and Coran doing background work. 

Now to the Details.

Lance

Lance is in charge of any and all Beyonce-related performances.

The group itself started with him. He performed to her songs with his own original choreography and everything. Sometimes he would collab with Hunk. 

He picks his own songs

He does nothing half-assed in this group. He’s very nitpicky with lighting and stage set up because he needs to achieve that WOW! factor

Sometimes he goes a little overboard and the team needs to reel him in really quick because they can’t light fireworks on stage

He was disappointed but then he realized glitter and confetti cannons were a much better idea

Because all of Yonce’s songs have a certain feel to him, he chooses based on how his life is going

Happy? Fun? Well-off? TIme to whip out his favorites.

Sad? Had an argument? Where’s his sad stuff at.

Somebody died? Feelings of worhlessnesss? There’s a song for that, too. 

All his outifts are chosen by Shay while Allura does his makeup

These three are besties they do all the styling stuff tgether                

Lance either wears practical shoes or heels there is no in between

Performing in heels is a little harder but he manages because he’s just that good

He was excited to perform “6 Inch” because he had the perfect shoes for that

A lot of the songs he sings are romantic-like so he does a partner dance with Keith

One time the two had gotten into a fight, so he performed the most of the Lemonade album and some of the songs from the 4 album

Keith was in tears and ended up dancing with him again

The crowd went fucking nuts

His favorite songs to perform are probably Partition and any other song with sexual lyrics bc he gets too into it sometimes

Keith loves it but at the same time he blushes really hard

It’s funny to watch

Before a concert he discovers that his uncle died and that hit him hard because they were very close

And yet he still performed but with more passion

And he added the song I Was Here because death is such a sudden thing and he could die any second now just like his uncle did

The others actually played the background instruments for him (cello, piano, ect.)

Lance responds to as many fans as he can on his social media

The boy has Tumblr, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, and he’s the main one who runs the group’s Youtube channel

Sometimes he holds Q and A’s on Periscope 

During interviews he answers nearly everything meant for him

He also makes up the names of his fans and it changes every time

“Sup Lancers”

“How’s it shaking, my Bluebells?”

“What questions are in store for me today, Voltribe?”

It’s out of control

Whenever Lance isn’t performing he’s on back up vocals/dancing

That’s the rules: If it isn’t your turn, you work your ass off with back up and background dancing

If he’s feeling a bit peppy he’ll also certain Jason Derulo songs

Hunk

Let’s establish one thing: If Lance is Beyonce than Hunk is Nicki Minaj

It started off as a joke at first, but Hunk found it really fit with how he felt

And his flow is DOPE so win-win

He performs literally every song out there by her with no shame because Nicki Minaj has been his Girl for Years and she gives him confidence

His outfits slay all the time. All. The. Time. 

They’re pretty much renditions of Nicki Minaj’s own performance outfits, but designed to make him feel comfortable

Shay helps him tailor all his outfits and even designs them sometimes

He prefers boots and sneakers when performing because heels kill his feet

His favorite song to perform is the Flawless remix with Lance because they kill everyone within a 20 ft radius

The choreography is his favorite as well

He even installs fire things to shoot flames up from the stage

He also has a really nice voice, but he prefers to rap than sing since he’s better with low notes

Sometimes he collabs with Shay, who’s the group’s other prime rapper

They’re fire onstage and off

Hunk loves Feeling Myself a lot because his confidence rises

So many people find it odd that Nicki Minaj is his persona

Hunk is so kind and timid?? He’s very smart and not one who curses unless very angry or upset

But when he’s rapping he gets all flashy and bold and suddenly he’s cursing all the time very clearly

His moms come to every concert, along with the McClain parents because they love supporting their sons together

Hunk’s moms always jokingly scold him about how provocatively he dresses and his potty mouth but they really don’t care

They smother him in kisses and gifts and flowers 

Once, for their anniversary, Hunk asked Lance to perform “Ring Off” for his moms while he put together a video collage in their honor

The song fits their relationship so well

They cried very hard

When the Moana soundtrack was released, he got his own night to perform the whole thing with his family

He loved the event; it was the first time his whole family had done something together in such a long time

Hunk also helps Pidge and Coran with technical stuff likes lights and smoke affects

At interviews he takes shit from nobody and likes to brag about all the times he’s been right

Spoiler Alert: It’s a lot

He also shares embarrassing stories of the team 

A lot of the gossip actually comes from him tbh

“Spoiler alert: there may or may not be a surprise performance some time soon.”

“A little birdie told me that two of our members are getting a little buddy buddy, so look out for updates on that.”

“Oh, y’all are gonna LOVE my outfit for the next tour. It’s gonna be lit.”

The outfit was, in fact, on fire.

Allura

To complete the Power Trio, Allura is Rihanna

Sorry I don’t make the rules

Except I do lmao

This role originally was gonna go to Shay but then Shay realized she loved to rap so Allura hopped on it

Allura loves Rihanna fashion choices 

A lot of her outfits are based off of RiRi actually

Her favorite album has got to be the ANTI album

It’s a masterpiece 

Just so well written

Best songs ever

The fans love when Allura comes on stage because she provokes so much emotion and her voice carries so well

Not to mention her British accent gives a different feel from Rihanna’s Barbadian one

She has a very diverse cast of fans and probably recieves the most fanmail out of everyone

Lance and Hunk are second

Lance is Bitter

Shay’s third

 Keith, Pidge, and Shiro are tied for fourth

All of her songs are choreographed by herself

Her makeup artist is either Lance or Shay

Depends on who wins the coin toss that day

With Shay her eyeliner is swoopy and sharp with rinestones 

With Lance it’s artsy eye makeup and glitter

Allura likes both

All of her outifts are planned from the the top to the socks she wants to wear

Her hair is so long that it makes styling it very easy?? Like she has so many options

If she doesn’t style it herself than either Shiro or Coran does because they always have great ideas

For every performance, Allura opens with a quote related to what songs she plans to perform

Everyone thinks their from philosophers or something but really she’s quoting tumblr posts

She has the same social media as Lance, and they often compete for followers and such

All of her stuff is very pastel space

The pink marks under her eyes are in fact tattoos

She got them along with Coran for her 18th birthday 

They’re her trademark

Nobody knows if her hair is natural or dyed at first

It’s naturally really bright she just added highlights to it

When not performing, Allura is Lance’s number one backup singer

Sometimes Lance will let her perform Beyonce songs

Specifically Who Runs The World (Girls) bc that’s her actual anthem and Lance feels disrespectful 

And Daddy Lessons, which makes her emotional

Both she and Lance sing Pretty Hurts together because it applies to both of them 

Allura and Lance have a contest for who’s the Better ‘Yonce

Lance wins

Lance and Allura are constantly accused of being siblings due to their bond

It’s a running gag in the fandom for quite sometime until Lance breaks the rumors

Some of her songs involve couple dances with Shiro

It’s amazing watching them interact with one another because they’re so gentle with each other and their love is so Real that it almost seems like you’re intruding on a moment

At interviews, Allura is constantly bragging about how strong she is 

“Hunk and I are clearly the strongest ones here. We haven’t determined who holds reigning title, however.”

The two them proceed to arm wrestle.

It’s a tie

Everyone is crying. Everyone.

Sometimes, if she’s feeling it, she’ll do Marina and the Diamonds

Everyone takes a back seat to her then because she absolutely slays

Pidge

Pidge doesn’t normally sing but when she does it’s Hayley Kiyoko

Pidge loves her 

Very much

She probably dresses the most simple out of them all 

Her main style is shorts with stockings or knee socks and a loose fitting top

She let’s her hair grow out to her shoulders

She appreciates both long and short hair, and finds this a happy medium for her

She sports an undercut and the fans go crazy

Everybody finds Pidge adorable and most girls her age want to be her

Glitter! All over her eyes! Brings out the green!

Is either wearing glasses or contacts but mostly contacts

Pidge’s style is definitely K-Pop Idol

She’s a great dancer and does tons of flips 

Everybody loves throwing her in the air

Pidge is in charge of all music and technology and such. Everything must be run by her  

She adds the best effects to performances and is constantly praised

Pidge has social media too but it’s limited to Twitter and Instagram

Her livestreams are by far the fan favorite

It’s full of her pulling pranks and giving sneak peeks into practices and making bets

“Lmao ten bucks Lance is gonna be tripped by Allura”

He is, in fact, tripped by Allura

“You all owe me at our next concert

She films bloopers for the YouTube page

Most of the bloopers are of her and Keith screaming about aliens and Shiro favoriting her

Sometimes it’s Matt being an idiot

One time she temporarily dyes her hair a pastel green color

She loves it

Keith

Like Pidge, Keith doesn’t sing much. He mainly aids in choreographing performances

He’s been perfecting his dancing for years and has the smoothest rhythm 

When he does perform, Keith’s specialty is P!ATD

He’s emo okay

And Brendon Urie is his first celebrity crush so why not pay tribute to him

Keith gets an undercut with Pidge

It’s not his favorite style so when he grows his hair out again he grows it out long

Longer than originally

Keith’s makeup is limited to eyeliner done by Shiro

His outfits have to be the exact ones in all of Brendon’s videos

“You guys don’t understand if I don’t have the top hat and red suit how can I do “I Write Sins Not Tragedies?”

“Keith, you’re going overboard”-Lance

“You have N O ROOOM TO TALK”

When doing interviews, he also has the KPop Idol look

It drives the fans insane

He secretly loves the attention

He probably has the loudest songs out of everyone but he appreciates it

Everybody loves dancing to his choreography

He doesn’t like social media but still has a Tumblr and Instagram

They aren’t for the group though they’re for his conspiracy theories

Pidge Co-runs the tumblr account and has her own cryptid Insta

His live streams consist of the group cryptid hunting together 

If he does post to the group’s YouTube account it’s for cryptids or a sneek peak of some choreography

Sometimes he lets Lance do his makeup and post it on the channel

He loves to choreograph for Lance specifically because it always somehow involves him

Partition is probs his favorite too for obvious reasons

Shay

Shay’s the universal rapper of the group though she mainly does Drake

Shay just seems like a Drake fan so-

Still she does other rappers since she isn’t very picky

Shay’s outfits mirror Drake as well, though adding her little twist and touches to them

Most of the time Lance and Allura help her with clothes

Her makeup always deals with earth tone or stars there is no in between

She lives for glitter and small jewels

And she’s always wearing a necklace and earrings

Shay’s flow is even better than Hunk’s can you believe it

Hunk can

ANYWAY

Shay loves collaborating with others, specifically Hunk and Allura

She’s very loud and boisterous on stage but off stage she’s kind and quiet

Kinda like that friend who’s very meek in public but wild at parties with close friend

Very passionate about her dream

She’s also in charge of keeping everybody on schedule because nobody follows schedules like she does

Sometimes she’ll do small rituals to ensure good luck for performances

They have yet to fail her

At interviews she’s always really peppy and happy to answer questions

One of the fans asked if  she’s dating Hunk

“Oh no, I’m just a rock he admires very much”

The crowd is confused but the group gets it and starts picking fun

Shay bonds with everybody on the team and it’s great 

She and Matt talk about space for long periods of time on end it’s crazy

With Shiro it’s how pretty Allura is and how much he wants to fling himself into the sun

Also about the other team members

Allura literally politics and makeup and 

Lance it’s Spanish dancing and the ocean

Keith it’s Lance and like random shit

“What if Coran was in a gang”-Keith probably

“Dude,,, we have to investigate”-Shay

Hunk it’s lovey couple stuff and rocks and food and really cool movies

Pidge it’s plans for the next concert

Coran it’s schedules and stories

She loves having such a big and supportive family

Shiro

Bruno Mars. That’s it.

Shiro bops to Bruno Mars like it’s his religion 

Wears rolled up sleeves and jeans with sneakers forever 

His eyeliner is sharper than everyone elses and he takes pride

Fans eat him up

They love his “dad-like” personality

Sometimes some of them bring him cookies and such backstage

He takes them because who passes up free food??

Seems like dad, is actually 12 

Seriously, he causes most of the food fights 

And he’s always making bets with Pidge and Matt

But he’s still responsible when needed

He does his own choreography and everything what a man

Once he did a split in the middle of Uptown Funk and everybody lost their shit

Even the group

They just all started laughing while Shiro continues to strut his shit

Shiro’s snapchat is full of videos of him and the team

Half the time he’s screwing around with Matt

Other half he’s posting death jokes

Nobody is phased by this anymore 

They’re so used to it

“I want a light to fall from the cieling, knocking me out instantly”

“Yeah Shiro we get it you wanna die now help me stretch”

He probably has the most questions asked at interviews

Most of them are “Will you be my daddy”

“…I’m everybody’s dad”

“But only Allura’s daddy”- Lance

“Say your goodbyes to Lance because he done fucked up, kids”

His favorite album is probably 24k Magic bc he feels fly as fuck

Imagine him proposing to Allura with “Marry You”

Everybody knows except for Allura and she literally sobs when he gets down on one knee and pulls out a ring

It’s epic

Pidge once suggested putting a confetti canon in his prosthetic

Although he would like to Allura said no so-

He still does it anyway

Matt

Matt’s a fucking Meme

He handles booking places and unwanted press

And he co-owns the YouTube Channel with Lance

The place is meme central nobody can believe it

He also has a snapchat and Twitter

Live streams happen every week

Most of the time he’s just screwing around the tour bus/ hotel rooms it’s hilarious really

He dresses like a tired college student all the time it’s great

He’s friends with everybody

With Shiro he’s literally goofing off half the time

They rival Hunk and Lance for best bros of the year

Half time time his story is filled with ugly pictures of Shiro

With Allura he’s spreading Shiro gossip and doing her hair

Lance + Matt = Hardcore memes and suffering

Pidge it’s the normal sibling stuff

He once picked Pidge up and threw her

“Y E E T”

Hunk it’s techno stuff and like animals

Keith it’s sharing stories about Shiro and how he’s not from this planet

They plan “experiments” to expose him for the alien he is

They fail

With Coran he helps to clean everything because these people are pigs it’s terrible

And when he’s with Shay they’re literally memeing together but on a lower scale

He helps her withh her style and stuff

When Pidge is on stage he’s handling the lights and shit

One time he got stuck in the lights for the whole concert

When asked where he was, he fell straight into Shiro’s arms

Shiro dropped him

Makes the most jokes

Coran

Team Aunt

Takes the group out for victory dinners

Buys sweaters for everyone

Let’s you do whatever you want as long as it’s legal

Because he’s a retired dancer he’ll step in sometimes and lend a hand

Cooks when Hunk doesn;t

And it’s not bad

But Hunk is just better sorry Coran

The group’s body guard

Literally he dropkicked a loser for eyeing Pidge the wrong way

“Coran was that necessary”

“Not but, as Lance would say, it was dope”

Groan

He also handles press coverage and makes sure all venues check out before Matt goes to book them

Lance is his favorite and it’s insane

Lance: “Hey Coran can I have like fifty dollars?” 

“Of course!!

Allura: “Hey Coran can I borrow 20 dollars”

“Sorry I don’t have any money.”

Will treat everyone to a shoppinf spree every once in a while

Loves everybody like they’re his own and assures parents that they are Okay and In Good hands

Also almost blew up the tour bus and ran like three red lights

Extras

Lance, Shay, and Allura went through a KPop phase

BTS, EXO, GOT7, Red Velvet, MAMAMOO, TWICE, BLACKPINK

They freak out all the time and scream

Meanwhile Keith and Shiro are KPop veterans

“Hah, losers.”

One time they all learned the choreography to “Monster” and posted it to the YouTube channel

Matt sat in the background and screamed random things

Slumber parties all night every night

When they tour they literally get one giant hotel room

Couples each get an hour to themselves throughout the day and then they meet at night to sleep

It’s not even sleeping it’s taking ugly pictures and face masks and nightly rituals and love

They wake up: Shiro, Coran, Shay, Allura, Pidge, Keith, Hunk, Lance, Matt

They go to sleep: Coran, Hunk, Matt, Keith, Lance, Shay, Pidge, Allura, Shiro

Every award they win everyone’s family comes together and they have a very large dinner

The group is called Voltron (how original lmao)

Fans are part of the Voltribe 

I’ll add more if I come up with anything else

[bmaxwell]

Top Games of 2018

For me 2018 was the year of Playstation VR. I never felt especially drawn to VR, assuming I’d give it a try one day years from now when the tech would be improved and more affordable. My buddy brought his headset over and I tried it out briefly but wasn’t blown away. My kids loved it though, so when opportunity presented itself, I traded in my Nintendo Switch* for my own PSVR bundle. 

Apart from that, 2018 wasn’t as strong a year for my kind of games as 2017 was. Most of the AAA blockbusters of year didn’t quite land for me or weren’t appealing enough to make me want to try them at full price. 

That said, I still had to put some games I genuinely enjoyed outside of my top 10. We’ll start off with a couple of categories I’d like to call out before getting into the ones that didn’t quite make the cut, followed by my ordered top 10.

Old Game of the Year:  SUPERHOT VR

2018 was the year of PSVR for me. SUPERHOT VR pulled off the triple header of making me feel like a total badass, making me feel like a clown, and reminding me of how wholly out of shape I am.

In the world of SUPERHOT time only moves when you move. The VR stages each take only a minute or two, and are played in batches of ~5. When you are killed, you start that batch over from the beginning. At first, I hated this. I don’t want to replay the same stuff again and again! But then I started getting familiar enough with these encounters to do them really fast, make no-look shots and the such. And it feels fucking awesome.

The game made me feel like a clown when, after finishing a stage where I was ducking behind a low wall for cover, I reached out to put my hand on the wall to help me stand up and promptly fell right on my ass. This happened more than once.

One time I was sweating profusely after a SUPERHOT VR session and my wife asked “You okay?’ the way you’d ask a child if they’re okay after picking up all of their toys. “Superhot is a workout!” was my response. She just looked at me with a smile that said “That’s stupid in an adorable way.” 

I amend my statement to “Superhot VR is a workout for people who don’t work out.”

Also very good old games: Persona 4, Transistor, American Truck Simulator, The Lion’s Song

Best Music: Donut County

Sometimes it’s nearly impossible to separate a game from its music. One feels incomplete without the other. So it is with Donut County.

Also some fine music: Moonlighter, Pit People, Tetris Effect

Honorable mention:  Return of the Obra Dinn

This game is such an impressive package. The visuals, the audio design, the entire concept is just cool and unique. I wish I was better at the game. There’s some combination of intelligence, patience, and focus that I lack for Obra Dinn. I have started over twice as of now. 

The game casts the player as a sort of insurance claims adjuster auditing a recently-discovered ship that had disappeared 5 years ago (in 1803). You are equipped with a magic pocket watch that lets you see and hear the last moment of each person’s life on the boat, you get to walk around a still scene like a diorama. You're tasked with figuring out each person’s name and how they died. It requires attention to detail, deductive reasoning, and a few minor suppositions along the way.

It is such a neat thing and it is so exhausting and difficult for me. If I could find a way to grapple with it in a satisfactory way, it would be very near the top of this list.

Honorable mention: Yoku’s Island Express

Developer Villa Gorilla threw together Metroidvania gameplay, a light and breezy tropical setting, and pinball of all things and gave us Yoku’s Island Express. It’s a charming, well-made little game. I wasn’t sure it would come together as well as it did. It sounds like a gimmick, but it’s a quality game full of personality. I had it mentally penciled in on my top 10 until very late in the year. 

Honorable mention: Dead Cells

Dead Cells is one of those games that appeals greatly to me on paper. The controls are tight, there are plenty of unlockables to work toward, and the game makes it easy to get into a good rhythm flowing from fight to fight. I put a lot of time into the game and, while I enjoy and admire it, Dead Cells never really hooked me the way I thought it would. I still had a great time with it, it just never quite reached my too-high expectations.

Honorable mention:  Florence

It’s hard for me to know how to rank a game like Florence. It took me about 30 minutes to complete from start to finish and there isn’t much cause to replay it. I try to judge a game by how well it does what it sets out to do, and by that metric Florence was a huge success.

This largely dialogue-free mobile game beautifully captures the feeling of finding romance and tells a touching story that doesn’t play out in the way I expected. The music is gorgeous, and the game makes good use of the phone’s touch interface.

In this day and age, a short mobile game that you have to pay for ($3!?! *gasp*) is a hard sell for a lot of people, which is a shame because Florence is a work of art that deserves to be played.

10. Gris

Seems like every year there’s one game that sneaks in right at the end of the year and complicates the top 10 list. This year that game was Gris. Gris may be the most artistically beautiful game I’ve ever played. The closest thing I can compare it to is Journey, though they aren’t similar enough to feel like one would make the other obsolete. Gris’ visuals are creative and inspired.  They frequently match the game’s melancholy tone, but they are also often vibrant, lush, and playful. It’s outstanding music walks hand in hand with the visuals, with mournful piano and strings.

Something impressed me about Gris is that it doesn’t feel like it’s trying too hard to be a video game, it is content with being a piece of art (something I wish I could say for 2017′s Hellblade, a near-miss for me that failed in this regard). There are no enemies to fight. No pits to fall in. And those elements gave me a freedom to explore with abandon. The game was never going to kill me or punish me for wandering off the track. The game’s puzzles never got complicated enough to fluster me, pulling me out of the experience. 

The game tells you very little in the way of story, leaving you to take from the imagery what you will. Because of that, it didn’t quite resonate with me the way Journey did. Gris isn’t a great video game, but it is a great experience that knows how to get out of its own way.

9. Tetris Effect

Tetris is one of the best pure, easy to learn but tough to master video games ever made. The Tetris Effect added trippy visuals and terrific music along with the ability to play the game in VR. I’ve heard plenty of people say “I’m not paying $40 for Tetris.” While I can understand that approach maybe if you’ve bought a lot of the many versions of Tetris to have come out over years, the price tag is justified by how much the additional effects add to the experience

Tetris Effect bills itself as a trippy experience where you can, like just chill out and think about how we’re all connected and just, like, we’re all together, right? Get into a zen place with some Tetris and some chill music and, like, maybe you play Tetris in a dark room where every time you complete a line, the windows open momentarily letting some light in. Or maybe it’s snowy Tetris where each line is accompanied by the sound of snow crunching under winter boots. The game has dolphins, and birds, and windmills and just, like....space....man.

The crazy thing is, that all works. Especially in VR. A game where I’m Tetrissing against a backdrop of hot air balloons and hearing a song about how all of life is connected could have easily come off as tryhardy, hammy, and insincere. But Tetris Effect was a hopeful bright spot in a year that saw a lot of darkness.

8. The Red Strings Club

This game’s themes of control and free will set in a dystopian future really resonated with me this year. The way you pour different drinks to put people in a specific mood during conversations is really inventive and just plain fun. Red Strings Club made me think about my world views and question them, which is rare for a game to pull off. It overstayed its welcome a little bit near the end, but it was still one of the most memorable experiences of the year.

7. Donut County

When I finished Donut County, I was initially a little disappointed. I played the game from start to finish in about 2 hours, and I wanted more. I think that’s a normal reaction, I also believe that there’s value in a game that does what it does well and finishes before it overstays its welcome (see also: Moonlighter). On its surface, Donut County is a game about swallowing things up into an ever-widening hole in the ground. Looking a little deeper, it’s about gentrification and how those with privilege have no regard for those without.

BK is an awful little shit, but he’s also an adorable and well-written little shit. The game’s dialogue is smartly written and conveys conversations sent via text in a believable way. The soundtrack is a toe-tapping joy, and once again this game does not overstay its welcome.

6. Moonlighter

A few years ago I played game called Recettear where you owned a shop dealing in fantasy RPG goods, and alternated between dungeon delving for stock and haggling over prices selling that stock in your shop. I never quite fell in love with that game, but I thought the concept showed a lot of potential. I’m surprised that we haven’t seen more of it. So when Moonlighter came along with its “get shit from the dungeons and sell it in your store” premise and and gorgeous pixel graphics, I was all in. When I heard the music, I knew this would be in my top 10 for the year. 2018′s game music pales in comparison to 2017 (as do most other years) but Moonlighter’s music was among the best of the year.

Everything about the town is peaceful and soothing, which is important in a game like this. Finding respite, and caring about home gives context to everything, and helps anchor me to the game. If the town is uninspired then there’s a voice in the back of my head while I’m fighting in the dungeons asking “Why do you care about any of this?” The dungeon runs have a lovely push your luck element where going deeper means more danger but also more wealth, and I am great/awful about convincing myself to push for one more floor.

The game isn’t without its faults, most glaringly the inventory system. You have to constantly move things around your backpack and throw stuff out, and there was no mouse support so a tedious task became mind-numbing. Which is a shame, because the game gives you good reason to be constantly shuffling things around your inventory. I also would have liked a few more options in the town for upgrades and new buildings, but the flip side of that coin is that Moonlighter took me about 20 hours to complete and never wore out its welcome. It left me wanting more, but I’m not sure that the gameplay loop would have held up for longer. It serves as a good reminder that not every game needs to be padded out to a 40+ hour experience.

5. Dragon Quest XI

My very first RPG experience was Dragon Warrior on the NES. The experience of walking out of the starting village and fighting a smiling blue slime with a cypress stick is big part of my gamer DNA. Dragon Quest has never forgotten its roots - to a fault, some would say. It’s a valid complaint, but not one that I share.

One of my favorite games ever was Dragon Quest VIII on the PS2. I hadn’t played a Dragon Warrior Quest game since IV on the NES, and DQ8 recaptured those crusty old RPG’s that made me fall in love with the genre. Dragon Quest XI feels like more of Dragon Quest VIII, and that is no bad thing.

Give me more turn-based combat set in a colorful world full of the best worst puns, goofy monsters, where I am a mute hero who must save the world from the great evil. It’s tired old Japanese RPG tropes all the way, and I am along for every mile of this ride.

4. Moss

Moss was not my first VR experience, but it was the game that really made me a believer in the medium. The game feels like being inside a diorama. You’re guiding your adorable little mouse heroine Quill on a journey to find her uncle. Much like with Astro Bot, making me fall in love with the character went a long way toward making me fall in love with the game.

The beauty of the forests broken up by moments in the library as the day turns to night and the candle burns lower and lower really made this feel like it was mine in a way that is rare for a game. I felt like a kid again for a few hours, something I never expected to feel again. The moment to moment gameplay is pretty by the book, and it isn’t impressive in screenshots or video. But that feeling of “Holy shit I’m inside this video game!” is something I won’t forget.

3 .Slay the Spire

Slay the Spire is another game that reminds me how futile and silly it is to take these things seriously. How do I compare a card game to an RPG to a racing game to a game about rolling debris up into a giant ball?

If this list were ordered by time spent playing, Slay the Spire would be number one as I am nearing 300 hours. It’s a deckbuilding rogue like with 3 different classes, each with their own unique set of cards. You move from room to room through a map doing combat, buying cards, resting at campsites, and engaging in little story events. Each run has the controlled chaos of doing your best with the choices you are given. Most runs follow an arc where I come up with a plan for how to my deck effective, I feel unbeatable for a short time, then it all falls apart and I can’t believe I lost.

Don’t let the visuals put you off (I don’t think they’re bad but they’re not my style). Don’t be scared off by the term “rogue like”. Play Slay the Spire. It is perfect at what it does.

2. Monster Hunter World

Like a lot of people, I’d never played a Monster Hunter game before and only knew of it as a weird, opaque Japanese game about fighting monsters. World was touted as a more welcoming game in the series, a Monster Hunter for the rest of us. And the fact that the game does a rotten job of onboarding new players to go along with the game’s awful implementation of (fun once you get it working) multiplayer were just enough to help me tip it down into my #2 slot.

Monster Hunter World scratched an itch I’ve had since I fell off PS2′s Demon Souls years ago after a dozen hours or so. It’s a game that made me work at it to appreciate the experience. The Barroth (the 5th monster you hunt) was the first monster to kill me, and it did so repeatedly. It was a point in the game that forced me to decide whether to work at improving or give up. I looked at the Barroth’s weaknesses in my journal, changed my gear accordingly, and loaded up on items before heading back out. This was the moment I fell in love with Monster Hunter World in a way that led to me putting over 100 hours into the game on my own, then more again with a friend playing on PC.

Monster Hunter World is a game where I got more powerful over time not just because of getting better gear, but because I feel myself getting more skilled at the game. Improving mastery is an incredibly satisfying feeling in any game,  and this one had me sitting at the end of the bed playing into the small hours of the morning, continuously doing One More Hunt when I knew I should have gone to bed hours ago.

1. Astro Bot Rescue Mission 

Monster Hunter World dropped early in 2018 and had me captivated for months. I loved it and, after looking at the 2018 release schedule, mentally penciled it in as my likely 2018 game of the year. That held true for most of the year, until the most unlikely hero of all came along: a corporate mascot in a character platformer. I mean, it’s a robot wearing a fucking PSVR helmet. 

The robot rescue portion of Sony’s tech demo-esque Playroom VR was the highlight of that experience, but by no means was the idea of an entire standalone game a slam dunk for me. Quite the opposite. In fact, I would have likely never given the game a second thought had the game not started receiving the kind of praise I couldn’t ignore. People were saying that it did for VR what Super Mario 64 did for 3d platformers. 

That elicited one of those “What?! Bullshit!....let me see that.” responses from me. As it turns out, that’s a pretty fair comparison.

Astro Bot isn’t just an excellent platformer that happens to be in VR; it feels more like a well-made character platformer elevated to greatness by way of VR. The world is vibrant and joyous, but it also does an incredible job of integrating the player into the game world. In Astro Bot the player’s perspective is behind the robot you are controlling. He is ever running forward and you are being pulled along with him. This isn’t terribly unusual, the player is the god controlling his tiny avatar and surveying the world before them. And it is so with Astro Bot, at least at first glance.

It doesn’t take long to realize that you are in the game world. You have a physical form. You cast a shadow. Your little Astro Bot buddy will occasionally look up at you and wave excitedly. I wanted to hate this. But couldn’t. He is goddamned adorable. The entire game is goddamned adorable.

The stages are colorful and inventive. And they involve the player in some pretty creative ways. Obstacles and enemies must be headbutted. Your controller will get different modifications from time to time, changing it into a water blaster, or an automatic gun (that feels like it is shooting tennis balls), or a hookshot. The game frequently rewards being inquisitive about its environment. Peeking down over an edge, or around a corner, or standing up from your seat to look around typically pays off with some coins, or a little robot to rescue. 

And the little robots are so ecstatic when you rescue them. They fly around the screen and land in the touch pad on your controller. They pop out and wave at you gleefully before disappearing until the end of the stage where all the bots you rescued do a little dance for you. Your Astro Bot does the Carlton Dance. I can’t not love this. I really did try.

*I love the Switch hardware. I really do. And the library of ports is getting more impressive every day. I just wish it had more exclusives I could get into.