#okay flag time now
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if i have to read one more published fantasy book that uses irl memes and online vernacular in its dialogue i’m taking away the toys until y’all can learn to respect yourselves. Not only does it break immersion in your world and detract from your characters having their own voices, it also makes you, the author, seem like a dim parrot incapable of neither original thought nor basic understanding of the passage of time
1) due to the timeline of publishing, any meme included will automatically be hopelessly dated by the time the story reaches readers and
2) it’s literally the same thing Ready Player One did. Hey look i’m pointing at a thing in pop culture. Did you get my reference? Did you get it? Let me list some more colors and shapes you recognize. Did you get it? And then Gideon Nav hit the dab or whatever. Hashtag Relatable!
It’s so painfully unfunny and uncompelling every time. We can do better. Apply some creativity to your own work
#writing#i love fantasy and every time i buy yet another newly published book i’m SO excited and hopeful#and then it’s just. garbage#the fourth wing is my latest DNF like my god how did this get published#every so often i’m like okay maybe the locked tomb series surely can’t be THAT bad?#and then i’ll see another excerpt or screenshot of the text and go ah. never mind#the use of meme slang has now become like the number one red flag of a truly stupid book#extremely frustrating. ah well be the change you want to see in the world#yap yap
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Thinking about the Don Suave scene and what it means in terms of LGBTQ+ representation because my brain does nothing if not torment me with random topics to ramble about on the regular.
Anyway, I just wanted to ramble about why I like the scene but to get it out of the way - the scene can very easily be interpreted in so many different ways, and all of them are valid. I personally see it as Leo having at least some attraction to a man. And the following is an explanation of my own interpretation and thoughts on it and what it means especially for Leo’s portrayal in the grand scheme of things.
Long-winded interpretation under the cut!
Now, to start with, it’s important to me that in the scene Leo looks at Don Suave in the very beginning and then for the entirety of the rest of the time the man is on screen, Leo’s eyes are closed. Yet, in the end, he is still visibly enamored with Don Suave, happily cuddling up to him as he’s being carried away.
You can very easily interpret this as Leo being spellbound and that’s honestly super valid and I believe he likely was at least somewhat in the beginning, but considering how fast he looked away and how he never looked again, I personally think it makes more sense to read it as Leo just finding the man attractive, at least somewhat. (For the record, I personally headcanon Rise Leo as bisexual with a heavy preference for men, but I want to be blunt when I say that any interpretation is valid. Literally any. Ace, pan, gay, bi, none of the above or a mixture of something new literally all of it is more than okay and fair. Hell you could even interpret this entire scene as more romantic attraction than physical and it would still work. Anything goes!! Don’t bother people, guys, really.)
The main reason I take this scene to be at the very least LGBTQ+ adjacent isn’t just because of how it’s portrayed, but because of who Leonardo is. Not in terms of Rise of the TMNT, but in terms of the entire Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles™️ franchise.
Leo’s a character who, while changing with each iteration, has still at his core been around for decades upon decades as “the blue one”. One fourth of the team. He’s the one most are going to look at as the Leader, and oftentimes he is the one closest to having the title of Main Character. Not to say the others aren’t just as important, but Leo’s presence in the A plots of basically all TMNT media is often something very main character-esque.
And that’s very, very important to note. Here we have a Main Character of a prolific and decades long-running franchise distributed by a children’s television network. You can play around with his and his brothers’ characters all you like, but there is always going to be challenges to dodge around, especially since this was still in 2018-2019.
For example, you can play around with their designs so long as they’re color coded turtles, but their sexualities? Now that’s tricky.
“But what about Hypno and Warren?” Not main characters and also they’re Rise originals. They have a lot more room to play around with than a character like Leo does. But even talking about main characters in the franchise, you could arguably have an easier time playing around with Donnie or Mikey’s sexualities than Leo or even Raph, as (unfortunately) the former two tend to get more B plots, so they’d likely have had a little more leeway (still not a lot though.)
So, where does this leave us?
It leaves us in a place where outright stating and/or showing undeniable proof of Leo’s attraction to men is very, very difficult. So, workarounds!
Workarounds like the entire Don Suave situation.
To be honest, as left up to interpretation and lowkey and deniable as it is, this whole scene means a lot to me because of who Leo is as a character. It’s just nice when we get so see even the bare bones of representation with characters that have been such a large part of pop culture for decades, y’know? Even if more would be so much nicer, this is better than I thought we’d ever get for these boys.
And, again, literally nothing I’ve said is the only way to interpret it, I’m more than happy when people interpret media on their own honestly, it’s just something I’ve been thinking of lately and I was wondering if others felt the same way.
Whatever you think when you interpret this scene or Rise Leo as a whole, I just thought this would be interesting to think about, even if it was ramble-y, haha.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt headcanons#rottmnt leo#rise leo#rise don suave#rottmnt don suave#I lied I’m back to ramble because I’m just#so bad at keeping my mouth shut#or uh#not typing word vomit#anyway- yeah this is my personal interpretation#I believe Leo was legitimately mesmerized by Don Suave’s powers…in the beginning#but even the series’ creator says it was ‘at least PART of what was going on with Leo’ so#idk it’s something that’s been on my mind and I was wondering if anyone else felt the same??#may delete this later who knowssss#pleaaaase feel free to disagree I just like to talk lol#but yeah sometimes I look around at how much media has LGBTQ+ rep in it now and it honestly makes me emotional??#(we always always ALWAYS could use more but)#we did not have even a crumb of this as kids#but also like most of that rep is new properties#and I just was thinking about what that could mean#idk man idk#once again please don’t take this as facts it is VERY MUCH NOT#man I was looking around for good images to use and found jack all#anyway tho did you know Donnie often has bi colors around him and Leo is often dressed in the colors of the trans flag-#okay anyway back to the caves I go this comic won’t draw itself#I gotta spray myself with water any time I go to type long winded essays because they’re not great for the mental health fr
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they don't know they're halloween coloured...
#limbus company#queemael#queequeg lcb#ishmael lcb#project moon#well i mean. yes theyre also flag colour. you know how it is. ive been thinking about cats cuddling. okay i'll get back to studying now#shades art#also yes long hair/current times because in my mind palace everything is fine. dw
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soul can do the same tricks with his trident that you can do with a flag
i'm not sure if australians have color/winter guard at their schools or an equivalent to that, and if they do, whole learned some stuff there, and if they don't, soul wanted to do something cool and binged youtube videos
his favorite tricks are those that involve a lot of wrist flicking and look super trippy from an outside perspective (aka the ones i can't do) and he likes tossing really fucking high (think triples for fun)
and for convenience his trident is weighted similarly to a flag bc logic doesn't exist in headspace (sorry mindie)
- sincerely, a guard kid who needs to project and make it her whole (haha) personality
Headcanon #571
#chonny jash#submission#cj soul#chonnys charming chaos compendium#ooooooo yes yes#also considering he can kickflip the trident. imaging someone kickfliping a whole ass flag mid show is VERY funny to me#also feel like he'd do the mini spins as a fidget/way to think#technically imaging him using a rifle for it since its not as tall/long but yk what i mean#(i will say i was a band kid so not a guard kid but guard counts as band so i know a fair amount just not specifics)#okay now you've gotten me wanting to draw him either doing some of the tricks or in some neat guard outfit#if i ever have the time at least#anyway you are so correct i love this#also you're so real for projecting stuff like this unto them. its so fun
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happy pride !! <3
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#queer#pride#the flags are biromantic ace and lesbian :D#[boogies like crazy]#//this is my second pride so ! !!#//look at my gals. aren't they just [sparkles shoot from my eyes]? hhfbhs :33#fun fact i can't hear any love songs now without envisioning these two. they're. they. th. thhhhh. you get what i mean hghbfhs#//this pose also changed like 3 times As i was drawing it lmao#which is like. okay so what? but it happened and i didn't even notice until i was cleaning up the inks hghfhsh#/oh and i kind of love drawing kira's hair lol :3 :D#cuz she has this weird layer thing going on it's a lot of fun hfhs :DD#/also if you use an overlay glitch effect + put it Over your inks you can take a pink or red airbrush to the og inks and get the pink/red i#the glitch to pop real nice :D i just think that's neat hfhs#//okay now i'm going to skedaddle. skedoodle even. skoobdle#toodles :3
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kinda wild to me that one of the most compelling aspects of both Chuuya and Kunikida's characters to me, that I never really see talked about, is how they're heavily set on a doomed crash course towards complete and utter destruction, and how I am so, so worried for them both.....
#bungou stray dogs#been thinking a lot about chuuya lately (shocking for me i know (said with no sarcasm truly lmao it is rare for me))#cause of the 15 manga and also playing the fucking jeht quest in genshin impact ugh (where's the one dual genshin bsd fan who Understands)#but like this pressure has been building up for chuuya for so long due to being used and manipulated by all these people#first the sheep then mori then verlaine then still mori now#he was groomed since childhood just like dazai#but unlike dazai he didn't have an oda to help him get out of the mafia........ he's still stuck there#and his personality is different from dazai's. dazai was more self-aware imo (but still a groomed emotionally abused kid don't get me wrong#but chuuya's whole thing is needing to belong and wanting a leader to be loyal to but ending up in positions of leadership himself#which makes him feel pressured but he accepts and stifles any negative feelings just because he wants to belong#and all this crushed him with the events in the light novels and yeah he went through character growth but he's...... Still In The Mafia...#and that fucking scene asagiri added to the cannibalism stage play i don't think hardly anyone even knows about bc IT'S NOT DISCUSSED ANYMO#where mori emotionally manipulates him with the flags!!! and it deeply hurts him!!! and he presumably deals with that shit all the time!!!#it is WORRISOME. it WORRIES ME okay.#chuuya doesn't have anyone who can save him from the mafia (dazai is in no position to okay; it's all he can do just to try to save himself#and it's so so scary. it spells awful things for him.#didn't asagiri say he'd have a rough path or something??? and he added that fucking scene in the play!!! it haunts me!!#i fully expected this shit to hit a turning point in the meursault arc but we can't have nice things i guess#and as for kunikida a;lskdfl (took me this long to get to him oop) literally the ending of Entrance Exam (the novel) is just#One Big Foreshadowing for Kunikida's downfall#he's compared to the azure king for a reason. Sasaki saw the azure king in him for a reason. it's fucking worrying!!!!!#there hasn't really been anything like that since in the manga (just like for chuuya lol ugh) but he's TERRIBLE at coping with his trauma#and it only gets more apparent once shit hit the fan in the doa/hunting dogs/meursault arc#it's not good!!! i'm worried for kunikida too!!!!#even if the manga isn't focusing on this these worries are always in the back of my mind man#both kunikida and chuuya are doomed to hit some kind of breaking point eventually and i await those moments with dread yet anticipation#i want dazai to be able to save kunikida from the despair being too good a person brings the way he couldn't save oda#and chuuya.... if we get a scene with him & mori mirroring the one in dark era where dazai finds out that mori orchestrated the kids' death#oh man i think i'll fucking die (give it to me i need to cry)
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it's so funny to me when people are writing no-ability AUs and are like "what am i supposed to do about the flags' names?? i can't have a character who just goes by albatross!!" and it's like. a college au. i know someone whose chosen name they go by irl is arson; just make them all trans idk. "i can't have everyone call him pianoman" WHY NOT?? why can he have that nickname in canon but not in a no-abilities au?? stop being a coward
#'but pianoman's canon nickname comes from him killing people with a piano wire' okay.#so in your au there was a rumor going around that he killed someone with a piano wire. grow UP#after leaving this in my drafts for six months to the date i think it's finally time i release it#especially since i have in fact now written and posted a no powers au where the flags just keep their names#and guess what? it was literally fine#i didnt even bother coming up with reasons for their names; i just tossed them in there#and no one cared#hello grace here
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we all broke our rules for someone
#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#bpd fp#actually borderline#bpd shitposting#bpd#bpd favorite person#bpd problems#bpd vent#bpd mood#my friends constantly tell me how many red flags he has and i’m just like ‶red is a great color″#like idc what ur guys opinions are about him.. i love him more than you anyways#like be fucking fr#and they know that.. they just try to make me ‶stop being dumb″ and know i ‶deserve better″ but idc i want him#like yea he’s done some fucked up things to me but so has everyone else so like it’s not a big deal to me anymore.. at the time i was very#upset but now it’s okay.. i don’t mind him hurting me as long as he’s here#beloved.txt
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Damn i was not expecting the "#tw extreme abuse", thank you very much for your words though
I might be able to help the person who asked about healthy relationships though, ive made a lot of good relationships despite my family:
Communication
•above all else, communicate. Tell them about yourself. Learn about them. Get to know eachother! Likes, dislikes. Boundaries especially! Check in on them. Just a quick hi once in a while can do wonders (lots of relationships fail due to lack of communication or miscommunication)
•listen to eachother
Arguements
•if something happens you can always walk away, make sure the other person understands that they can as well. Take time to collect yourselves and explain later why your upset
•be clear and ask for clarification where you need it
•fights can be scary but dont think that someone will leave you after one
•try to steer clear of insults/threats/blackmail if your angry, thats hard to repair after
Trust
•i know its hard to trust and you can take all the time you need to learn how, but making healthy relationships is a good way to learn trust.
•Dont lie to them or you will get caught up in trying to keep it under wraps (unless its to protect your safety, in that case maybe being around this person is not a good idea), not only will they not trust you but you wont give yourself the opportunity to trust them
Kindness
•be nice. Its simple. Good people, the people that will make for great friends/support/family will be kind back! Go out and meet people! Youll make friends! Just give yourself a chance!
•treat other how you deserve to be treated, with all the love and kindess you should have gotten! They will pay it back, they will love you!
Other notes
•express interest in their interests. You dont have to be a big fan, people will want to show you what they like when they like you. They're sharing something special to them. So ask about it! You dont have to engage much with it, but show them their interests have value. It will make them really happy, and they should be open to yours as well.
•do fun shit together! Something you both enjoy! If there isnt anything that overlaps you can do your own stuff in eachothers company. Just hanging out with them is enough.
•being able to love someone else, is to love yourself. You're filled with so much compassion and care for this person, and they will feel the same. They will be their to love you when life hits the fan.
•again take your time, it can be hard to get right. If it doesn't work out thats an experience you can carry into the next relationship, something to learn from.
Caution:
-make sure they actually make you happy and treat you well, not that theyre just the first person you could latch onto
-make sure you both have personal freedoms, your loyalty to eachother should not come at that cost
-keep yourself safe, safety comes first
Finding good people is a very important one as well, if anyone needs i could try explaining that too. Hope this helps.
Hey thank you for sending this manual!
Yeah your situation is extreme, I'm thinking about you and hoping that you get to experience freedom.
Your manual sounds really nice and is filled with common sense, and I've been following these types of guidelines for most of my life, but still had absolutely no luck. The thing is, this would work if you're surrounded with kind, understanding, non-abusive, friendly people who also just wanted to be friends with you and reciprocate and earn your trust and keep you in your life.
However a lot of people will see your friendly, kind, compassionate and communicative nature and decide to make use of it. It's been the hardest thing for me to realize when the other person is just pretending to be friendly back, in order to exploit me. It's really difficult to take distance from someone when they make you feel guilty for it and attack you for it, and it's hard to not feel guilty and betrayed when it happens. Manipulative people make great use of trust and communication you give them! Treating them with love and kindness will often get you in a situation where love and kindness will be expected, or demanded out of you, while you find yourself unable to ask even for some patience and space for yourself. And I'm worried that this is the situation for most abused people, we're often trying so hard to be kind, communicative, trusting, interested, loyal, patient, giving, caring, compassionate, and they zero in on that and eat it up, taking some time to make us let our guard down, before they start banking on us being in their service.
I have been trying to find good people all of my life, and fell unsuccessful, and I've tried hundreds of people, created a system of red flags that make me drop them, and had to drop pretty much everyone. And it's not as if this manual is generally bad, or I've just sucked so much at communicating and building boundaries, it's just, really difficult after abuse to feel okay around people, and to not be bothered by some of their manipulative nature - it hurts us more than it hurts others.
So even as I'm really bad with people, I can't recommend being very kind, trusting or communicative, of course it's nice if you can be that and not get hurt for it, but I absolutely cannot. It never happened once in my life, that someone returned the same kindness, love and care I gave them, and it often broke my heart. I would have to be very naive to still believe that I just haven't done it for the right person - hundreds of people reacted similarly, took what they could, then either turned on me, hurt me and pretended it was okay and I should stop being sensitive, or abandoned me altogether if I ever stood up to them.
This all is not your fault, and I can completely understand how you sent in these instructions with best of intentions, sincerely believing that this is the key to healthy relationships. It seemed like that to me too, when I was younger! I fully believed this would work, kind people would see me and return the kindness, it would be okay. The only thing I can recommend is the stuff you have under caution - if someone fails to reciprocate, or reciprocates at first and then stops reciprocating, get distance. If your freedom around this person is limited, get away, get distance. If they start treating you worse at any point, get distance. It's not worth ending up in another abusive, neglected or scary situation just for the hope of human connection. And it's also really difficult for an abused person tell when they're being neglected, treated badly or their kindness is not reciprocated, just because we've already been used to so much worse, so anyone not outright threatening to kill us seems like a nice enough person who deserves our whole heart. They often do not.
#human connections#sorry for being negative everyone#i am the 'cut everyone off' host#but i am having a good time on my own right now#talking to all of you is nice#because you don't expect me to be your full time friend#and are okay with just a chat#which is safe for me and i'm grateful i get some non-harmful communication!#i actually made a post of red flags i was gonna post before all this#i'll post it later or tomorrow
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so uhh uhhhh that most recent tlaes episode huh
spoilers in the tags, beware
#the sun and moon show#tsams#the lunar and earth show#tlaes#okay spoiler time now#UHH WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCKK WHAT THE FUCKKKK#BLOODMOON??????? WHAT#I EXPECTED SOME RUIN TYPE SHIT WERE BM KIDNAPS LUNAR AND PLAYS DEMENTED GAMES WITH HIM BUT HOLY SHIT#HE LITERALLY BROKE HIS ARM AND ALMOST GOUGED OUT HIS EYES#head in hands. what are sun moon and monty gonna do when earth tells them#theyre going to fucking WITCHHUNT this man#this is me planting my flag in the ground which reads 'bloodmoon i love you as a character but Holy Shit please Stop'#ALSO EARTH MY GODESS MY QUEEN#SHE STAYED SO CALM AND THEN THE SECOND SHE GOT THE CHANCE SHE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. LITERALLY PUNCHED HIM TO NEAR BLINDNESS#ALSO ALSO SHOUTOUT TO RUIN WHO JUST WATCHED THAT WHOLE THING GO DOWN JUST SO HE COULD INTERVENE DRAMATICALLY#FUCK YOU /POS#just wait 2days tsams episode is gonna be like minecraft or some shit and we'll all get emotional whiplash here we go
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thinking about how last year I went to pride with my gay flag around my shoulders and identifying a bear cub exclusively attracted to men and mascs and now I'm going to pride in two days (on my birthday no less) identifying as a bear cub AND a butch bi lesbian boy/fagdyke. Abrosexuality is so wild. I wonder what it'll be next year.
#It's honestly wild to me how much things have changed#It was literally two days after pride wearing that flag all day that I was looking through Tumblr#And came across a couple hot butches#And felt myself panic bc of how attracted I was to them#And then I looked at the men I was thirsting for ONLY A COUPLE DAYS BEFORE#And was like “eh would be better if they were chicks about it” like WHAT#I honestly didn't want to identify as a lesbian even tho the ONLY people I was into for months were butches and studs#I thought I was being transphobic to trans men and MYSELF💀💀💀#But I've done a lotttt of reflection and a lottt of reading and learning#Leslie Feinberg and Audre Lorde were my saviors at that time#And now as an abro butch lesbian I can pretty confidently say if next year I'm gonna be a romance repulsed agender person#Or a pansexual gender fluid person#Or anything else in the future#I'll be okay#I was already okay#But I've grown and I'll process it better I think#Anyways happy early pride and early birthday to meeee#lesbians#bi lesbian#butch lesbian#lesbian man#masc lesbian#mspec lesbian#transmasc lesbian#gay#mspec gay#lesboy#gaybian#boy dyke#Abro lesbian
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👁️Movie Night👁️
#6#The Magnus Protocol#Okay Thursdays are like too hectic days for me so doodles will be posted on Fridays now hahahahha#I’m a teensy bit sad the eps have been getting shorter and shorter as the weeks go on but this one they still delivered#Very concerned (tm) for Sam like buddy everything’s okay here’s a blankie and hot chocolate mwah#Did you think Sam that the response department could Respond to you. Hm????#Maybe don’t mess around with paperwork#Nothing’s better than hearing “welcome to my twisted mind” and “hello all you sick freaks out there” in Jonny Sim’s voice#Very perfect#“I only gave them my name how’d they get my address” YOU SHOULD BE CONCERNED TOM’S TERRORS#YOU JUST BYPASS EVERY RED FLAG#I WONDER IF THE GRAFFITI ON THE THEATRE WAS THE SAME GRAFFITI ON THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE#BC THESE BOTH SEEM LIKE “EYE” DESIRES#“It’s what’s on the inside that counts” DANGER POPCORN ALL POPCORN IS DANGER#…MOVIE NIGHT EVERYONE#Klaus sir if the computer code is German did you write it or are you in the computer beep once for first two times for second#Did Lena brutal pipe murder you#ALICE WHAT DO YOU KNOW DO YOU KNOW WE’RE LISTENING UHHHH NO WE’RE NOT#Also do you like how I made Tom the pupil of an eye shaped panel huh huh#I’m a genius#cool episode
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Transphobe: "You're a man."
Me: "LMAO! Looking like *this*? You need your eyes checked."
Queer Transphobe: "You're a man."
Me, on my knees like I just had my heart ripped out of my chest: "Et tu, Brutus?"
#i got misgendered by a lesbian who seemed totally okay and supportive of trans women until my experiences invalidated her ...#“AMABs are biologically superior to AFABs” ideology and that I sharex any relation to what she considered “biological womanhood”#it was damn lip service to make her seem trans positive but in truth it was just a show to poorly veil bioessentialism#this is the 5th time a cisgender lesbian has thrown me under the bus for convenience of their own political views when presented the ...#facts of my existence. i don't feel safe outside of exclusively trans supportive spaces. queer positive spaces without deliberate trans ...#representation feel just as unsafe as unspecified spaces now to me. like a pride flag (even the progressive one) doesn't make me feel ...#safe unless there's a trans specific one next to it. i just can't trust the space not to be obligatory but unwanted inclusion of trans ...#people for appearances purposes only.#trans#transgender#2slgbtqia+#lgbtqia+#lgbtq+#lgbt+#talisidekick things#talisidekick#mtf#queer
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what are the consequences of lying to a psychiatrist asking for a friend
#AKA what wld their reaction likely be if i told them i havent been taking my meds for the past month#and that ive felt better in that time than ive felt in the past 2 years#thats like. thats good right#thats a sign i *shldnt* be taking these meds right#like im not saying im anti-medication or smth#there are still things going on w me that i think meds cld help with#i just really truly believe i was put on the wrong ones at first#and rather than stop and go “okay maybe these ones arent working” we just started treating the side effects with OTHER meds#like#fuck#i KNEW they werent working from the moment i started taking them#and i TOLD my drs#but they were just like “give it more time” or “well lets add this one on and see how you feel”#im so curious now what this past year wldve been like if id never taken any meds#i genuinely think it wldve gone better#anyway. i think im just gonna be honest w him#im not a danger to myself or others rn#i dont think hed see it as a Red Flag or anything#im specifically trying to tell him how much *better* i feel off of them#god. wish me luck.
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I’m not sure what’s normal anxiety and what Isn’t
Like- is it normal to be borderline crying because I have to ask my teacher to email me?
Is it normal to get so nervous my chest hurts every time I pull into the driveway cause I know my cats are out?
Honestly these are my two best examples. I use to get nervous that my food was bad or poisoned but not anymore.
Like- I know there’s an Issue here- but what if it’s just normal anxiety? Possibly I’m just being dramatic
#for a little context#I tried to make my cats indoor cats#but we had a doggy door in the old house so the cats went in and out as they pleased#in the new house I wasn’t going to let them out at all but my poor kitties were bored and kept getting out anyways#so now they’re allowed outside during the day and have to come in at night#we have coyotes and owls in the area#oh actually that’s another example#I get like really nervous about people finding out where I live#like as I wrote that tag I was like ‘wait- should I tell people that? what if they figure out where I live based on that?’#I can’t post pictures of like trees in my area#cause that fucking 4chan capture the flag thing#if they can figure out where a flag is based on clouds or whatever#flight patterns#airplanes#then folks can find where I live based on a tree#it’s not like a debilitating fear or anything#I just get a little nervous and tend to avoid posting pictures of anything near my area#I got distracted- okay so my cats are running around outside during the day#they tend to stay out of the road and away from the driveway#they usually play in the grass#but every time I always get so nervous that I’ll just hear a crunch and then boom#*boom no more cat#like- is this normal?#is this a normal thing to be stressed about?#robin rambles#vent blog#anxiety#social anxiety#ocd#I’m not sure if I should tag that tbh
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been feeling mixed on some of my friends recently
#i love them but im gonna explain#i don’t want this to boil over like the twins did#but one of my friends i feel so cast off sometimes#i get it bc shes full time adult job employed now#in healthcare no less#but im just getting fully annoyed at her lack of availability and it makes me sad#im getting even sadder actually bc she also always seems to have time to hang with her uni friends whuch hurts#like im like okay i know you have this from 6-7 so how about we meet for dinner at 7:30 bc i wanna see you casually and she says no#and i think i really need to talk to her bc it makes me sad and then i feel slapped in the face#even on nights out we always have to go home early. which my friend basically said:#i think in future if you wanna go home you can but others shouldn’t have to too#bc my other friend got so sad she was forced to come back early and i was like yea i would have liked to have sat at manly with yall#bc i feel we don’t do this any more#i honestly think it’s better to just let her figure it out and go#i don’t want me to sweep so much shit under the rug until i despise her#bc i know this isn’t her fault i just wish she would let loose or make an effort#my other situation is my childhood best friend#i love her a lot she’s amazing. but but but. sometimes i feel she can be too protective of me.#it comes from a place of knowing me for so long#and i do trust her opinions on people who i surround myself with bc she fucking hated those twins#but sometimes i feel she has been treating me differently since my neurodivergence diagnosis#even with a certain high school friend she held this dislike even when i said she was not like the twins#bc she was hanging out with the twins at the 21st#like this girl was also having her issues with the twins and was the person in the firing line of the breakup#even when i was in nl she was so worried about me and its nice to have her have my back#bc after that guy kissed me directly on the lips she suddenly became concerned about ppl taking advantage of me#and its like to me great she cares but also i did in fact learn from it#but she gets super defensive when ppl take advantage of me and i just wanna her to step back#i just feel sometimes i don’t need her feeling like she needs to protect me or that i need to hang neurodivergence up like a flag#idk its a lot. thank u for listening
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