#ok we're back in fuckin business alright

[bitegore]

Incredibly. I think Bayverse Getting Drunk And Sitting Marathon may have given me the ability to draw digitally back.

[thebearer]

Friends with benefits lip saying they’re not exclusive and that he’s not her bf so don’t go getting any ideas but then getting upset when reader takes him up on that and starts seeing other people

"The fuck are you doin'?" Lip growled, one hand curled around your arm, the other pulling you away from the intoxicated frat boy who's hand had slowly started to make it's way up your dress.

"What?" You grumbled, words slurring together a little. The frat party had been Lip's idea, of course, texting you about Mikayla or Hannah who had invited him... who he was also trying to have sex with.

You and Lip were friends. Casual hookups when there was nothing else, but friends. Truly. That's all.

Or so you both told yourselves.

Lip and you had a rule- there was no rules. Do whoever and whatever, and Lip had happily embarked on that rule before with Amanda and Helene and all the others you didn't care to know about.

You had your roster too, more cautious about it, but still a regular rotation. It worked for a while, you and Lip's casual hookups- I mean who could blame you? He could eat pussy like a champ. But recently, things had started to get... difficult between the two of you. A shift that could only be blamed on the rise in your shared hookups- and feelings.

"Hey, man, we're just-"

"-Fuck off, alright? She's drunk you piece of shit." Lip shoved the guy, harder than he should have, the frat boy's cup spilling on the girl behind him when he stumbled.

"Lip, I-I'm not even drunk. What are you- Hey, where are we going?" You frowned, feet stumbling as he drug you through the crowds of people towards the door.

Lip's jaw flexed, eyes in a narrowed hard glare. He didn't even look at whatever her name was sorority girl who whined at him when he stormed out of the house with you. You pretended to be annoyed when she glared at you, the look of pure jealousy on her face- it made your heart skip knowing she thinks you two are together. That Lip chose you.

"What is your problem?" You huffed, nearly twisting your ankle on the pavement with how fast he was walking. "Lip, can you let go of me? Christ." You huffed, yanking your arm free.

"What is your problem?" You repeated, glaring at him under the streetlight. The campus was mostly empty, a few stragglers drunkenly stumbling home.

Lip scoffed, a hand running over his mouth. "You-You were just gonna let that guy- that guy fuckin' touch you like that? In front of everyone?"

You scoffed, rolling your eyes. "Are you kidding me? I know you're not talking, you were practically fucking blondie in the kitchen!" You threw your hand out in exasperation.

Lip shook his head, pacing a few steps ahead before circling back. "I-I don't get it. You're letting that dumb fuck touch you? I didn't even think you liked guys like that."

"Who says I liked him?" You scoffed. "I just wanted to have sex with him."

"Yeah, well, you didn't have to have it with him." Lip knew his argument was weak, hoping you wouldn't notice. The quip in your brow told him you did. "That guy is fuckin' stupid."

"Ok? And your Chi Kappa Delta whatever girl is so much smarter?" You sneered. You didn't know her, shouldn't have been so harsh. You couldn't help the way you bristled at the thought of her. Her hands in his hair, kissing him all sloppy in the kitchen- and he let her.

Of course he did. He should have, you told yourself. You two are just friends.

"I'm not fucking people because they're smart. He's a good fuck, and I was horny." You shrugged, biting back the small grin when Lip's spine straightened.

"You've fucked him before?" He scoffed.

"Yeah?" You snipped. "A few times. He's on the roster. The one that I've told you about that can-"

"-I don't..." Lip snapped, shaking his head, taking a deep cleansing breath. "If you were horny, you coulda just told me. Would've handled that."

"You seemed busy." You scoffed, rolling your eyes. You hoped Lip didn't hear the flare of jealousy in your tone. "And besides, it's not your turn. I have a system."

"Yeah? He's better than me?" Lip growled, taking a menacing step that closed in the space between you two.

You swallowed hard, your eyes on his, knees wobbling with excitement. "I didn't say... Why do you even care?" You scoffed, stepping back, throwing your arms out.

Lip faltered for a moment, cheeks tinging in heat. His heart pounded in his chest, ringing in his ears. "I-I don't." He said curtly, and you tried to convince yourself it was the alcohol that made your stomach turn the way it did. "I just... don't want you gettin' a-a std or somethin'. Looks like he's got s dirty dick."

"Right." You mumble, wrapping your arms around yourself. There was a pause, a silence that was far too deafening for both of you. "'m gonna go home." You mutter, glancing up at Lip. "I, uh, I got a nine am tomorrow anyways."

"Yeah, I-I'll walk you." Lip offered, stepping beside you, heading to your on campus apartment. You'd managed to swing that, somehow, and Lip frequented it often. Because the dorms were so noisy, of course.

"'s alright. You don't have to." You shrugged. "I got it."

"No, I... it's not a big deal, alright? Left my key there anyways." Lip nodded. It was a lie, his key was in his pocket, but you didn't need to know that. "Besides... you still horny?" He looked at you, smirking at how you blushed.

"Maybe a little. Either horny or tired, I can't decide yet." You hummed simply, eyes batting up at him.

"Yeah? I can help you with that." Lip grinned, hand snaking down your back to your ass, squeezing lightly.

Lip fucked you to sleep, legs thrown over his shoulders, thankful you didn't have roommates at the way you cried out. Because what else are friends for?

[jungle-angel]

"Telling the in-laws if the baby is a boy or a girl" With Rhett🥹🥹🥹 just imagine how cute it would have been

OH MY GOD!!!!!! This definitely would be so cute and oh so hysterically funny knowing Royal and Cecelia (lol).

"Alright it's looking pretty good with these two," the nurse announced proudly.

You and Rhett were over the moon to hear it, although you lying on your back in the doctor's office with a probe pressed against your belly, had become more than a common occurrence these days.

"They both look good?" you asked.

"More than good," she chuckled, pointing at the screen. "Hearts are beating perfectly, their little legs and arms are growing really well. Nothing out of the ordinary whatsoever."

You heard Rhett sigh, his face falling in relief as a broad smile appeared. Despite you both having had Hannah previously, the worry of something going wrong had always lingered in the back of his mind, especially after Kayce and Monica had a scare when they had been having Jake.

"And it looks like you're far enough along (y/n) that we can tell if it's gonna be boys, girls or one of each."

"You wanna find out?" you asked, turning your head towards Rhett.

"Why the hell not?" he chuckled.

The nurse gently ran the probe along your belly, pressing just a little bit more into your bump. You and Rhett watched the two little babies moving, you yourself feeling their little kicks inside of you.

"Alright, c'mon you two, show me what you've got," the nurse joked.

"You and your dad will probably hate us if it's two more girls," you laughed.

"Oh God, wait till they're teenagers," Rhett answered, laughing with you.

"Oh here we go," the nurse announced excitedly. "You two ready?"

You and Rhett held your breath as she pointed to the screen, the both of you looking closely before Rhett went wide-eyed with shock.

"NO WAY!!!!" he blurted out. "NO FUCKIN WAY!!!!"

You laughed at his reaction as the nurse printed out the pictures.

"Oh my God (y/n) you are amazing!!" Rhett exclaimed as he kissed you.

*****************

The truck finally pulled in the driveway as Diesel came running ro greet you. Ruby, Cecelia's squished-nose cocker spaniel, came bounding down the porch, begging for scritches as Rhett helped you out of the truck.

"You wanna tell mom and dad or wait?" Rhett asked.

"We'll tell them as soon as we get in the house," you told Rhett. "Amy and Hannah will probably be getting off the bus from school soon since it's a half day."

You and Rhett headed into the house to find Royal and Cecelia who were busy getting the house in order before the girls came home. "How'd it go Grumpy?" Cecelia asked happily, peeling a bunch of carrots for the chicken soup she had been making.

"Perfect, Ma," he answered, hugging his mother. "Twins are perfectly healthy, no issues and the doc said we're good to have'em right here at the house."

"Awesome," Cecelia said. "I'll keep the midwife's kit on hand for when they come."

"We uh.....we did find out something else though," Rhett said with a cheeky grin, putting his arm around your waist.

"Uh oh," Cecelia said.

"Lemme guess," Royal said, putting the gallon of milk away and shutting the fridge. "They've both got little tails and a pair of horns that only show when they've been misbehavin?"

"Hah, very funny Dad," Rhett chuckled.

"Nah really, what'd you two find out?" Royal asked.

"C'mere and we'll show you," you told him.

Royal and Cecelia moved in as Rhett pulled the pictures from his back pocket, pointing to each part of the picture. "Now if ya'll look a little closer you'll see a little something....."

Both his mother and father had to squint a little to see it but it was there, noticeable as it had been on the day that Rhett had been born. Cecelia gasped as her jaw dropped halfway to the floor.

"OH MY GOD!!!" she shrieked excitedly. "Oh my God!! Rhett is it....?"

"Yep," Rhett chuckled.

"Holy shit!" Royal blurted out.

"You ok Dad?" Rhett asked him.

"Oh I'm ok," Royal answered, pushing his cheater glasses back onto his nose. "It's you I'm worried about. You and (y/n) are gonna have some serious troublemakers when they get older."

"How can you tell?" Rhett questioned cheekily.

"Trust me, when your mother and I were havin you, I swore you were trouble the minute ya'll flashed us in that picture," Royal told him.

"And your point is?"

"You're in for it with two of'em son, just sayin."

You and Rhett shared a good laugh, even as his mother and father hugged you both, excited beyond words that your two little boys would soon be making their way into the family.

[g0lden-diety]

How abouut…. Bakugo with black reader grumbling about getting dragged to the club but you try to convince him that it’ll be fun bc he’ll be with the guys while you stick with the girls and it’ll be a cute lil outting for y’all. he gets irritated but figures he should go bc you’re looking like 🔥sin🔥 in that black dress and he would want to be around just in case anyone tries it but he honestly gets more than he bargains for when he sees u throwin it back w the girls and it’s over when he sees someone approaching you and now he’s tight bc he’s gotta drag u out the club and show youre his 👀👀, just a thought 👉🏽👈🏽🥺

Oh...oh hell yeah, this is perfect!!! Like this was my face when I read the request:

Little Black Dress ┆ K. Bakugou

Pairing : Katsuki Bakugou x Fem!Black!Reader

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

cw: alcohol mentions, unprotected sex, choking, cockwarming, oral (fem. giving), overstim, fingering, impact-play, slut-calling, some aftercare, praise, some degradation, smut (obviously) MDNI

All characters are aged up!!

Author’s note: soooo, this was originally gonna be a headcannon/drabble post, but I REALLY liked this request so I decided to turn it into a short fic, I hope you enjoy‼️<3

Minors Do Not Interact // 18+

“Why the hell are we even going?” Katsuki uttered loud enough for you to hear, causing you to sigh from the bathroom.

“Katsu, c’mon! Mina invited us out so we could finally get a fuckin’ break. You can hang with the guys, I hang with the girls, we all can drink, dance, get lit. It’s gonna be fun,” you said as Katsuki made a ‘tch’ sound from your shared bedroom.

Mina had invited you, Katsuki, Kirishima, Deku, Ochacco, Kaminari, Jirou, Hagakure, and Sero out to the club to get sort of an escape from the day-to-day hero life. Obviously after tonight, and the morning after you nursed your hangovers, it would be back to business.

“Ok, how do I look?” Katsuki’s eyes almost bulged out of his head when he saw you. Your curves filled out the silk, black dress, it stopping at mid-thigh, dipped low in the front, backless, and only held up on you by a few strings.

Katsuki looked at you like you were straight up sin, and goddamn, did he wanna be a sinner right now.

“Still don't wanna go?” you asked cockily, leaning against the doorframe, resting your hand on your hip. You could see him subtly shift in his seat as his eyes flit from your chest, to your hips, then slowly up to your face.

“Tch, c’mon n’ let’s go, ya cocky lil shit,”

So there you all were, the smell of sweat, sex, and alcohol wafting through the air. You and the crew stood in front if the bustling club, live with energy. You and Mina we're going to practically buzzing with excitement. Glasses of sickly sweet drinks were poured, making the person who ingested them feel light and airy, like they were on top of the world.

“Alright ladies n’ gents, let's go get some shots cause I'm tryna drunk n’ nasty,” she spoke, sending a wink to Kirishima, making him wink right back.

“Do not make babies on the dancefloor, I beg of you,” Sero mumbled as you laughed, grabbing Mina’s hand, then she grabbed Ochacco’s, who grabbed Hagakure’s, who then grabbed Jirou’s as you all head to the bar, leaving the guys stuck.

Soon, drinks were poured, music was bumping, people were dancing and having a good time, as they should. The honey-colored liquid made your head float as you moved your body with your friends to the bass thumping through the club.

You were feeling the music, the fun, having a great time, but there was one issue. Katsuki hadn’t been paying you attention all night. He only really conversated when you stopped at the bar to get another drink, or whenever you and the girls took a break from dancing. The thought made you subtly pout in frustration.

You began to move your hips provocatively, wining and twisting your lips, hypnotizing anyone who looked. This caused a bit of an uproar, seeing as more and more people began to crowd around you, hyping you up. Katsuki heard the commotion on the floor, eyebrow raising as he wondered what the hell was going on. He moved past the people, subtly not-so-subtly shoving past people. Once he saw, his eye twitched in irritation.

You, his girl, his woman, was in the center of the floor putting on a show for everyone to see. You were throwing ass so disrespectfully in that dress, he was surprised the cops weren’t called for disrespectful-ass throwing. Katsuki watched silently, feeling his blood boil while perverted eyes watched you, lusted for you. How dare they? You were his, and his only.

His final straw was when someone, a man, slinked closer to you. Katsuki couldn't tell who he was, or what he looked like, due to the lighting of the club. He watched as the guy stuck out a hand, reaching for your ass.

“Oh, hell no,” the blond thought to himself, angrily trudging over to you. You glanced, seeing Katsuki getting closer.

“Kats-”

“Shut up, we need to talk,” you couldn't even get a word out, you were too busy being dragged to the back of the club, down the dark hallway, and into the bathroom, the door licking behind the both of you.

“Have you lost, you're fuckin’ mind?!” he exclaimed as you winced at his tone, it making your head pound.

“Shhhhh, you're so loudddd. Besides, don't even know why y’ care. Y’ haven't been payin’ me no attention allllll night. What, cause I put on a little show, it's an issue?” you asked as he pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes shut as he breathed out deeply.

You scoffed, rolling your eyes, obviously being over this bullshit.

“Mmkay, while you're in here havin’ your bitch fit, I'm gonna go out n’ continue to par-” his hand slammed up, blocking you from the doorway. You looked at his hand and arm like it was a foreign object, wondering what the hell he thought this was.

“Uh, excuse me? I don't know who the hell you think you blo...” you sentence trailed off as you looked into his eyes, them darkened with lust. He looked down at you, the way your brown skin looked in the red lights of the bathroom, the way that little, black dress fit tightly in all the right places.

“You,” he gripped your waist, turning you and pinning you against the sink counter.

“Ain’t goin’ nowhere. You wanna put on a show for everybody to see what's mine? Fine, I'll show you why you're mine,” all of a sudden, your hands were being pinned on the counter, hissing as a shooting pain going up your spine, asscheek throbbing.

“Katsu-”

“Shut it, slut. I obviously gotta remind you who you belong to since you wanna act out,” he bent you over farther, smacking your ass again, earning a shocked gasp from you. There was something different in his eyes, something feral. It made your thighs mush together as you felt your core pooling with heat.

He smacked your ass again, a slight moan escaping your mouth from the pleasurable pain. His hand trailed down your spine, flipping up the back of the dress, seeing your panty-less behind.

“N’ you got the nerve to not wear panties either? Oh, baby,” he leaned down, close to your ear while grabbing your hair to pull you back.

“I'm gonna fuck you nice and good,”

Katsuki’s hand tightened around your neck, forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror. You squealed loudly as you felt Katsuki’s fingers plunging into you, curling and hitting against all the right spots.

“Ngh! Kats-shit!” You exclaimed, biting your lips as Katsuki’s fingers moved faster and faster.

“Look at you, takin’ these fingers like a fuckin’ slut. Show me how good it feels, baby,” he commanded in your ear as your eyes rolled, letting out a loud moan, clutching his hand that was placed on your waist.

He bit his lip at the sight of you, his lover, melting at his touch and begging him to slow down. It made his bulge throb against the fabric of his pants.

“Mmm, look at you babygirl, look at how pretty you look,” your head hung low as you breathed deeply, your legs shaking and your core throbbing as you juices ran down your legs and onto his fingers.

“You heard me, slut,”

Suddenly, your head was yanked up by your hair, Bakugou forcing you to look at yourself.

“When I tell you to fuckin’ do somethin’, you take orders like a hood little slut, you hear?” He asked as you mumbled something unintelligible.

“Oi,” he smacked the side of your face, yanking you back roughly and then gripping around your jaw, holding your face class to his.

“You should know, I don’t like fuckin’ repeatin’ myself. When I tell you to fuckin’ do somethin’, you do it. You fuckin’ understand?” He asked, gripping around your neck.

“Yes!” You cried as Katsuki smacked your ass with thunder hard force.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes daddy!” You exclaimed as he chuckled menacingly, licking his lips mischievously.

“Good, goood girlll, such a good girl. In fact,” you heard the sound of a zipper unzipping and something, thick, hard, and throbbing against your asscheek.

“You feel what you do to me, slut? Hmm?” He asked, smacking his shaft against your ass.

“Answer me,” another hard slap to your ass.

“Fuck! Yes!” You exclaimed.

“You want me to fuck you? Hmm?” He asked, biting his bottom lip as he rubbed the tip against your swollen, wet folds.

“Yes,” you muttered, barely audible.

You yelped out in pain as he smacked your ass.

“I can’t hear you, slut. Say it again for me, you want me to fuck you?” He asked.

“Yes,” you spoke, a little louder this time.

Another smack, a burning hot sensation that brought tears to your eyes.

“Louder, baby,”

“Yes!” Another hard slap again.

“Louder, slut,” he smacked your ass roughly as you choked back a sob, feeling your ass throbbing.

“Yes! God, fuck me!” You whined loudly as Katsuki chuckled, subtly rubbing your abused ass.

“Of course I’ll fuck you, babe. But first,” you were forced on your knees, gripped by the back of your neck, and forced to look up at Katsuki.

“You’re gonna take care of the shit you caused,” he said, smacking his tip against your lips.

“Open,” you obliged.

“Get to it, and if you stop, I’ll face fuck you until you’re fuckin’ crying,” you immediately got to it, working both your hands, mouth, and tongue around his shaft, teasing his tip and gagging around his length.

“Ahhhh, fuck, baby. That fuckin’ mouth,” he groaned, his head falling back in pleasure as he held your hair back in a makeshift ponytail. You moaned around the base of him as you deepthroat him, not helping but to touch yourself as the faces and noises he was making.

“Yeah, that’s it bitch, c’mon. Suck that dick like your life fuckin’ depends on it,” you gagged again as you pulled back, globs of spit and precum dripping down your chin.

“C’mon, sexy bitch, keep goin’ until I cum all over that mouth and those pretty tits of yours,” you began to suckle his balls, jerking him off and massaging the tip of him, his head falling back as he let out a loud moan.

“Yeahhhh, baby, c’mon, c’mon, just like-AH!” Katsuki felt himself throb in your mouth, him hunching over you and letting out a slight whimper as he came down your throat, pulling out of your mouth as cum came spurting out onto your lips and chest.

“Get up, ‘n turn the fuck around, I’m not done with you yet,” you stood, turning so your back faced him and he bent you over, the cool ceramic porcelain of the sink making you nipples hard because of the cold.

Without warning, Katsuki slammed into you, making you scream. He pulled you back by your neck, choking you as he thrust roughly into you.

“Ahh! Katsukiiii!” You whined as your ass clapped and jiggled against him.

“Yeah? That feel good?” He asked as you moaned, nodding.

“Tell me,”

“Feels so good! Your d-dick ‘s so good!” You moaned as he bit his lip, groaning lowly in your ear.

“Yeah? I’m the only one who can give you dick this good, huh?” He asked.

“Yesss! Only you-FUCK!” You yelled as he hit that spot, making you take it.

“Mmm, you’re the only one I want, the only one I wanna give this dick to, the only one who I know can take it like a good girl,” Katsuki praised as you moaned, feeling a knot in your stomach building up.

“K-Kats! ‘M ‘gna cum!” You mewled as Katsuki tilted your head back, kissing you sloppily.

“Cum for me then, baby. Keep takin’ that dick, just like that. You take it so good, baby, I’m so proud of you. Cum, cum for me,” he gently coaxed as the knot in your stomach finally realeased, your vision scattering with white dots and your voice leaving your body as you began to orgasm, Katsuki still stroking in and out of you.

“Take it, take it baby, ‘cause I’m not stoppin’ til I cum in that sweet, pretty little pussy of yours,” your eyes rolled back as you begged him to slow down but he kept the pace.

“Ahhhh! Katsukiiiiii!” You cried, feeling your legs shake as you creamed down your legs and all over his dick.

“Yessss, yes baby, fuck!” He hissed, leaning forward and pressing his chest against your back, holding you close, massaging your tits as he came inside you, shooting his load into you as he groaned in your ear, catching his breath.

“K-Kats,” you slurred, feeling drowsiness overwhelm you.

“I know…I know. Here, lemme clean you,” Katsuki then grabbed a few paper towels and wiping up the mess on your legs, face and chest.

He then kissed your swollen ass, softly rubbing the abused flesh. He then stood up, kissing your softly.

“You ok?” He asked as you slumped forward, breathing deeply against his chest. He chuckled, kissing your forehead. He slipped off your heels and fixed himself, picking you up bridal style as he carried you out of the club bathroom.

“Where have you guys be-ohhhhh,” Denki wiggled his eyebrows as Katsuki knowingly as the blond mouthed ‘shut the fuck up’, and his ignored all of the playful taunts towards him.

“Jeez, Bakugou, knocked her out, huh?” Kirishima asked as the blond scoffed.

“Yeah, yeah, but it just lets all these other fuckers know that nobody can have her, also,” Bakugou smiled smugly.

“Nobody can beat the pussy up like me,”

[gaasuba]

Cramps

AO3 link

"You ok, man?"

Hobie quickly fixed his posture, Miles' voice snapping him back to reality. He didn't remember bracing himself against the wall, or closing his eyes. And of course he was monochrome.

"Yeah, mate. Just regretting skipping breakfast is all," he hoped the lie was convincing enough. He shot web to follow Pav and Gwen before Miles had time to doubt him. He was also thankful how each jerk of the web cycled his colors. Tho he was worried and irritated by his obvious lack of reds.

"Hey! Is Hobie okay?" Pav asked past him.

"I don't know," Miles answers from behind.

"I'm right fuckin here!" Hobie snapped, "I'm brilliant! Thanks for bloody asking! Absolutely chuffed to bits!"

Silence.

Hobie prayed to the gods he may or may not believe in that the silence was them allowing it.

"Dude. If skipping breakfast does this to you, we're gonna have to make some sort of rule or maybe all start carrying-" Hobie cut off Miles' wasted planning.

"I didn't skip breakfast. Just that not everything's your business, innit?"

"Well, it is our business if it's gonna be a problem when we run into trouble."

Hobie was going to groan at Gwen joining them against him but Pav replies.

"No, no! Gwen!" he drops his voice, "I really do think we should drop it."

Hobie's chest felt cold at how horribly unsubtle Pav was being. How did he even figure it out??

"Wha- Okay! Time out!" Gwen swung to the next roof and yanked Hobie to her. The web snatching him in a new direction caused his insides to jerk uncomfortably. It took a lot of concentration to land gracefully. He wasn't able to stop the strained grunt that escaped him, but he was proud of himself for not hugging his own stomach.

He stood up with a heavy exhale and met Gwen's gaze, expecting to match her frown with his own, but her eyes were wide.

Shit...

"Gwen! I really think-" she cut off his arrival.

"Yeah, Pav! You were right! My bad!"

They were both so bad at this. Pav he understood, but he expected better from Gwendy!

"What!?" Miles was, thankfully, still thick. "What is happening? Are you guys speaking telepathically or some shit? What just happened??"

Hobie's hips were starting to ache from standing so he sat cross legged. He started fingering his guitar silently in an attempt to ignore his friends talk like he wasn't even there.

"Really Miles, it's nothing," Gwendy's attempt at a save was pathetic, "You and Pav should go ahead and I'll help Hobie sort things out."

"Sort what out!?"

"No, Gwen. I really think I should stay. I have more experience with this than you."

Hobie didn't realize he wasn't practicing his guitar any more.

"What!? How!?" Gwen.

"Gayatri has asked for my help every month for the past year and a half!"

"TMI, dude!" Miles.

Hobie didn't realize he was hugging his guitar to his stomach as if he could will it to become a heating pad.

But he did notice the silence.

He didn't look up. He didn't want to see the three wide pairs of stupid white eyes staring into him.

He scraped the strings of his guitar to make it scream like he wished he could. It was better than the silence.

He heard his friends sit besides and in front of him. He didn't lift his head but noted the crumpled masks in their laps when he opened his eyes.

"You're all horrible" he said.

"Yeah..." they all said together.

"You want us to get you something, bud?"

Hobie couldn't help but scoff at Miles' new term of endearment.

"Nah. But I'd like to return this pity party. It's not what I ordered."

"Alright then," Miles bounced from sitting to standing so fast, just seeing it in his peripheral made Hobie want to groan in pain, "Let's go, Spiderman! What are you sitting around for??"

"Miles!" Gwen and Pav snapped

"What? He said no pity party. Should I uncancel his order? Because I can be back on for snacks and hot baths instead."

Hobie wanted to tell him to go fuck himself. Instead, he groaned only partially in frustration. A bath sounded so good. He didn't even have a tub back home.

"Alright, you git. You win. Bring on the pity party."

The others immediately switched gears.

"We should go to my place," Gwen said as she stole his guitar, strapping it over her own shoulder. " My dad will be cool and my room's big enough for all of us."

Pav offered him a hand up as she opened her portal, "Do you want a piggy back?"

Hobie accepted the hand up but laughed imagining his limbs splayed around his tiny friends. "Nah, mate. Maybe sometime when it hurts less."

As he followed them through the portal, he couldn't help grinning, feeling lucky to have them around. He wasn't surprised to see himself pink.

[betweenthings2]

Would love to read 11 for the cuddle prompts with George and Matty! x

Thank you for the ask!! The prompt list is here if anyone else wants to see it. I'm so sorry it took me so long to write this--I have no good excuse. This didn't turn out exactly like I wanted it to, so feel free to tell me it sucks and rewrite it.

11. Shared excitement at the prospect of a cuddle session at the end of a long day.

Matty is pretty sure there's nothing in this world that takes longer than getting from an airplane at Heathrow to his own bed, warm and cozy with George. Planes and airports are always so cold and even though The 1975's bottom line combined with Matty's back issues from the time he fell off George's drum set years ago mean they've reached the point in their career where they get to fly first class, it's still uncomfortable. Plus, Matty always feels wrung out by the time he steps off the jetway, anxiety and a busy schedule beating him into submission. He's off the plane now, though, George just a few steps behind him, and everyone else a few more steps behind. Matty pauses a few steps past the gate desk, free hand held out to take George's. A younger version of himself would hesitate to do so, but he's pretty sure the fans know at this point and his therapist keeps telling him he needs to do things for himself, not just other people. He's not sure holding his fiancé's hand to walk through an airport really counts, but maybe it's a start.

George takes his hand and all of Matty's worries and second guessing fades away as they carry on through the airport. They don't really talk, just head for passport control and the baggage claim, content to simply be touching. When they stop at the end of the passport control line, Matty leans against George, suddenly feeling a wave of exhaustion that could almost wipe him off his feet.

"'m exhausted," he mumbles. Then he adds, "Sorry. I know you are, too."

"'s ok," George promises, wrapping his arm around Matty's waist. "We'll be home soon."

"We're gonna be home in a fuckin' year if this line doesn't move," Matty grumbles.

George just chuckles and holds Matty close, urging him forward when the line does move.

Finally, they separate when they get to the front of the line and they're sent to separate machines to scan their passports. On the other side of the gates, Matty holds his hand out of George again, a well practiced routine at this point in their lives. It makes Matty feel grounded. His engagement ring makes him feel the same way, but he'd left that at home when they left on tour, petrified of losing it, despite George promising he wouldn't be upset if that happened.

"Alright?" George asks, when he takes Matty's hand, feeling him hold tight as they walk.

Matty nods. "Just ready to be home," he promises. "'s weird, but I missed you."

"You missed me?" George echoes, confused.

Matty nods again. "I've missed being," a pause, "close to you. Like, I missed having our bed, missed sitting on the couch with you and watching telly, missed just being with you, missed falling asleep next to you."

"Next to me?" George asks, incredulous. "Don't you mean on top of me?"

Matty ducks his head and mumbles, "Fuck off," but George is right. Matty has a habit of draping himself across George when they go to bed. In his defense, "You're always warm. And it's comfy."

They've reached the baggage claim so they step out of the walkway and George wraps his arm around Matty's shoulders and holds him close, saying, "You can sleep however you like when we get home."

"And you'll cuddle me?" Matty asks, half joking.

George nods, serious, and says, "Yeah. And I won't complain when you put every blanket we own on the bed and I end up putting them away."

Matty huffs a laugh and protests, "You don't always."

George doesn't argue. They both know he's right, but they also both know Matty will win any argument they have. Instead he says, "I get it, when you say you missed me. I missed you, too."

Matty's instinct is to say something insincere, but he just wrote a whole album about being sincere and he's been talking about sincerity at length with his therapist, so he leans into George's side and admits, "I missed feeling like we're a proper couple."

George rubs Matty's shoulder and starts, "We'll-"

"And I'm not complaining, ya'know?" Matty interrupts. "This is all I've ever really wanted, but there's just," he pauses, "a lot. Everything else is more important than the fact that all I really want to do is cuddle with you even though all the dressing room furniture really is a little gross."

"I know you're not complaining," George promises. "And we'll make up for it, yeah? We don't even have to leave the house for a few days."

Matty nods and quietly says, "Thanks, I," he pauses, sniffs, and continues, "I really love you."

George presses a sneaky kiss into Matty's curls and answers, "I really love you, too."

They collect their luggage, pile everything into a cab, and bid goodbye to everyone, before climbing into the cab themselves. Matty lets his head rest against the window for the whole drive, fingers still intertwined with George's, the promise of everything he'd missed while on tour drawing near.

George insists on doing some laundry and cursory unpacking when they finally do get home, so Matty makes a show of dumping his suitcases into the laundry basket before he goes for a shower. George doesn't bother arguing with Matty's approach, really, he didn't expect anything else. He just starts his own unpacking and a load of laundry before heading upstairs. Matty is out of the shower by the time George gets there, hair dripping onto his shoulders and a towel wrapped around his waist. He stops in the bedroom doorway, letting himself just look at Matty.

It's not like George hasn't looked at Matty lately--he's been staring at Matty's back almost every night for the past few months--but he hasn't really looked. Matty looks a little tired, his shoulders slumping like he's carrying a weight, but he's there, a solid presence in the room. George remembers the time when Matty seemed like he could have just faded away. He's glad those days are over.

"Are you just gonna stare at me forever?" Matty asks finally, not turning away from where he's digging through the near empty drawers of his dresser.

George chuckles. "I'm appreciating the view."

"Seems a little like you're objectifying me, G."

"I'm admiring you," George counters.

Matty turns from the dresser and asks, "Can you admire me tomorrow? I really wanna go to bed."

"Just gimme a few minutes to shower, ok?"

Matty agrees, so George goes for a shower and when he comes back, he finds Matty under a huge pile of blankets in bed, clearly waiting for George to be done showering. He had been planning to change over the laundry and start another load, but he finds himself unwilling to leave Matty again, even if just to go downstairs, so he climbs into bed. Matty is quick to wrap himself around George, staking a claim.

"Good?" George asks once Matty stops moving.

"Good," Matty confirms. "Really good."

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 19. Aftershock

Seattle Washington April 20 2002

"Here, let me..." I say as I see Tommy reach to knock on the door to Jerry's house but I stop him. I figure maybe if he sees me first he won't be as upset. Tommy steps back behind me and I knock, waiting for a few seconds before the door quickly opens and it just happens to be Susan.

"Hey," I sigh with a half smile. "Is it alright if we come back in?" 

"Uh, yea," She says and steps aside as I step in first and Tommy follows. "You guys ok?" She asks looking at me and then up at Tommy then back at me.

"Yea, yea we're fine we just um..." I trail off feeling extremely awkward not knowing exactly what to say. I had never been in this position before where there was so much tension and grief all in one room. 

"Here, I'll grab you two a towel, you guys are soaked," She says. 

"Um, can you get Jerry too?" I say quietly. I figure we should just stay at the door, apologize profusely and make our way out of here. I have no intention of going back in that room with everyone and having them look at me the way they did. 

"Sure," She smiles softly and turns to head into another room while Tommy and I stand at the doorway. After a couple of minutes she comes back with a towel for each of us and Jerry following behind her, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

"You guys leaving?" He asks as Susan hands us a couple of towels. 

"Uh, yea, I think we should," I say and I glance up at Tommy. He dabs his face with the towel, then looks down at himself for a moment.

"I uh, just wanna say I'm sorry. I did not intend for that shit to happen. Especially today like... fuck," Tommy says looking at Jerry, glancing at the living room then back to Jerry, and Jerry just looks at him without saying a word. "I fuckin' love you man and I didn't mean to start shit... I didn't mean to be disrespectful in any way towards you at all - "

"- I know man, It's ok, we're good" Jerry says and grabs Tommy and they embrace each other. "I love you too man," He adds as they continue to embrace each other. After they let each other go, Jerry patting him on the shoulder, I finished drying myself off as best I could and Susan took my towel back. 

Tommy then says that he'll wait outside for me while I excuse myself to the washroom, since I needed to fix myself up a bit from the rain. I quickly did my thing, making sure my makeup wasn't running too badly, and fixed my curls, and once I felt like I looked a bit more presentable I headed out of the washroom and suddenly ran into Eddie.

"Oh shit, sorry," I say.

"It's ok," He says with a shy smile. I hadn't seen him in so long he looked so different with the sides of his head shaved and a mohawk. I guess when so much time passes, everyone really does change. 

As I go to move past him he stops for a moment and says "I probably shouldn't be saying this, cause I know we haven't really seen each other in years but... ok can I ask you something?" 

"Um... sure" I raised my eyebrow at him not knowing what he could really say to me.

"Tommy Lee? Andi... out of anyone that you could have, you chose him?" 

"Excuse me?" I say feeling my blood beginning to boil again. 

"This isn't you. I know that it's been hard after Chris and everything but... this isn't like you - "

"How the fuck would you know? Were you there? Oh no that's right, you were too busy getting shitfaced with Chris to even bother to know what the fuck it was like - "

"Andi-"

"No, fuck you!" I retort and walk away heading back towards the foyer.

"Andi hey, what's going on?" Kim asks as he stands in the doorway to the living room but I keep walking passed. 

"Jerry, I'm so sorry what happened, I'm so incredibly sorry about Layne and you know that, but I need to get out of here," I say quickly trying to not cry in front of everyone. 

"You alright?" Jerry asks, confused.

"No," I say.

"What happened -?"

"Nothing, I promise, I just..." I trail off not knowing what to say. I never thought that everyone who I thought were my friends - my family - weren't really at all in the first place. "I love you," I add and reach out as he leans down to embrace me in a hug.

"I love you too sweetie," Jerry says and we hold each other for a few seconds and once I let go I place a kiss on his cheek, then turn and head out the door seeing Tommy on the porch leaning against the brick support post waiting for me. Tommy then gives me a sweet smile and takes a drag of his cigarette but then notices my expression of sadness and anger. 

"Babe?" He asks as he reaches for my hand. 

"I just want to get the fuck out of here,"

**********

Malibu California April 26 2002

"Hello? Hey hi... yep, speaking..." I answer, and hold my cell phone to my ear as I flip through some papers on my desk in the small spare room that Tommy helped convert into a home office for me. 

It had been a few days since everything had happened, Layne passing, the fight, the drama, and the fact that who I thought were my family weren't actually really my family and it fucking broke my heart. I'm just so happy to be back home with Tommy and I can't fucking wait until we are husband and wife.

"Uh huh... yea...yea? Yes! No I'd love to... sure... um yea just send me over the agreements and I'll read them over... Friday?... No, that's no problem at all... of course... no I still have his number... yes... yep that's the one... ok, thank you," 

I take the phone away from my ear and a smile spreads across my face, then I get all excited and start jumping up and down like a crazy person. I had to run and tell Tommy. This is going to be so awesome.

"Tommy!?" I yell as I run out of the office, then down the hallway where all of his gold and platinum records hung on the wall, through the living room and towards the other side to the back of the house.

"Tommy!" I yell again excitedly as I continue down another short hallway and to the door to his studio and open it.

"Tommy!?" I say catching my breath for a second from being so excited and he turns from the control board on his stool startled as I run towards him.

"Jeezus babe - what?" He laughs and I wrap my arms around him and he embraces me laughing.

"I'm working with Dime and Vinny!" I say.

"What?" He says confused with a laugh and I pull away from him, standing in between his legs as he looks up at me with those gorgeous dark eyes. 

"I just got signed on to Dime and Vinny's management, they're looking for new management and asked about me, so their rep called me and set everything up and all I gotta do is meet them in Arlington not tomorrow, but Friday - "

" - Whoa babe, slow down," Tommy laughs, placing his hands on my hips.

"I can't, I'm so excited," I say quickly in one complete breath. 

"Friday?" He asks. 

"Uh huh, Do you wanna come with me?" I ask. 

"Uh - "

"You're coming with me, or wait... you don't have the boys this weekend right?" I say.

"No, next weekend," Tommy laughs 

"Ok you're coming with me," I say.

"Alright ok, holy shit babe," He laughs and I lean down to him giving a quick kiss on his lips. Then just as I pull away, he reaches up, placing his palms on either side of my face, pulling me back down to him and pressing his lips to mine once more, becoming instantly passionate as his tongue plays with mine.

"Ok, I gotta go and get ready - " I say when I pull away from him but he quickly pulls me right back.

"No, no I don't think so," He chuckles looking up at me then glancing down looking right at my chest.

"Tommy," I laugh.

"What? I'm suddenly getting some inspiration here," He says, still looking at my chest, his hands on my hips and moving up under my loose fitted Ramones tank top.

"Uh huh," I say skeptically, raising my eyebrow at him and he looks up at me with that charming smile. 

A few moments of silence go by and his smile slowly fades. He reaches up and brushes a curl out of my eyes and I think he could tell that underneath all of my excitement, I'm still hurting inside.

"You ok baby?" He asks. I just shrug my shoulders and then he says "Talk to me baby, don't you go quiet on me," 

"I'm not sure what I could say, I mean... I'm ok, but I'm not ok. I hate that he's gone. I hate missing him. I hate that everyone... fuck, it doesn't matter," I say and look down at myself.

"It does matter baby, you hate that everyone what?" Tommy says, still looking up at me with those gorgeous dark eyes. 

"I hate how everyone kept saying that I changed, that I'm not the same person. Like it's some sort of horrible thing or something. Of course I'm not the same person, I'm not some 18 year old kid anymore, like they all still seem to think I am. Like, everyone else can get older and change but I can't. I have to stay the exact same way, I have to still wallow in my break up and I'm not allowed to fucking move on. Like it's so insane for me to be with you and love you and want to marry you. I fucking love you with every part of my soul- "

"-I fuckin' love you too baby," 

"- and I don't know why I even care what they think  - well I don't care what they think but it just really fucking sucks that I thought..." I trail off again feeling sadness and horrible pain bubbling to the surface.

"You thought what baby?"

"I thought they were my family. I thought it didn't matter cause I had relationships with them outside of just being Chris' wife. But now I know that, that's really all I ever was. And it fucking hurts. And it's so stupid that even now, at my age, and after everything I've been through, I feel like a little girl wanting her mom. Wanting her to make everything ok. But she's gone too. Like that's so stupid right?" My voice breaks as I couldn't hold on anymore. 

I let out pain and sadness that I had completely forgotten still existed within me. Even though it had been years since I lost my mother, I still missed her. 

"No, it's not stupid baby," Tommy says sweetly and comfortingly as he still looks up at me.

"Fuck, this is not how I wanted this conversation to go," I chuckle as I wipe away my tears from my cheeks and he reaches up again to push a curl from my eyes. 

"Baby it's ok, I still miss my dad, like a lot. Do you know how much I wish he was here so he could meet you? I'd give anything just to have him back for even just a second," He says looking up at me and I could see the sadness and pain he still carries. It's still so new to him and he's still so lost in his grieving but hides it so well, until he looks at me like that. I then lean down and touch my forehead to his and close my eyes and he moves to place his lips to my forehead.

"Tommy?" I say after a few moments.

"Yes baby?" He says, his voice husky and deep, his forehead now touching mine again.

"Why didn't we meet each other sooner?"

"Cause it wasn't our time yet," He says.

"Ugh, of course you had to bring logic into this," I say and he laughs.

"Fuck, were you working on something? I hope I didn't like, interrupt you with all my sadness and shit," I say, lifting my forehead from his , glancing over at the control board as he continues to look up at me.

"Baby you will never interrupt me in here. You could come in here naked and I will still drop everything for you. In fact, why aren't you naked?" He smiles that sly smile he does when he's being cheeky. 

"Tommy," I giggle.

"No seriously, here let me help you," He says and lifts up my shirt and I throw my head back laughing.

[soir-rouges-esprit]

xxxi.o: Coke, Blood & Handguns, then pointed at two guardsmen in the back of the room … one of them hurried off into another section of the house, he pulled out this silver metal reflective tin case, then cracked it open, inside was a couple cigars of which one he pulled out and popped in his mouth, he pulled out a lighter from the tin and lit it up. The guardsmen came back with two black duffel bags … then placed them on the table. “*Whistle*” The guardsmen picked up one duffle bag, opened it and then turned it upside down and shook it … and out came … stacks of cash, raining down like a pimps Christmas. Then the same to the second bag. … … … “There yah go boys … all one million dollars in cash as per request … count your winnings so you know it's all there … as soon as you're done, let one of my men here know … and we'll have you personally dropped off at the depot, clear?” Me and J in unison reply “Clear” He reached his hand out my way as to shake saying “Mr.Salem, Mr.J … it's been a pleasure doin business with you.” I go to shake his hand, and before I can get anything out in response, he grips my hand tightly … pulling me in, and whispered. “And … I do hope to get that phone call from you sometime … think about it eh?” He let go and shook J's hand. Yeah … for sure … pleasure doin business. He walked off out of the room and into another section of the house. We sit there and tediously count all one million dollars for about twenty minutes. “Done! All there … never a doubt in my mind.” Y-yeah *sigh* ok then looks like … we're good to go. J stood up quick and waved over one of Mr.F's men as instructed, we collected the cash back into the bags and … out we were, escorted into a black BMW that was clearly armored and looked like a presidential motorcade vehicle. We were driven away and dropped off at the depot, where Mrs.Van’s man was already waiting for us, we then hopped in his car and drove off to a small cheap hotel … we walked with the strange man dressed in a full black suit to a room seemingly pre-purchased … gave him the bags to which he counted himself and inspected the bills with a set of magnifying glasses and buckets filled with a strange solution, which he'd periodically wash a single bill from a stack in, then lay it to dry. “Oh shit … think he's doin that to check if they're real print? Never would have thought of counterfeit cash actually … must be hard to pull off professionally as well.” Y-yeah … probably so. He finished up … then split us both our respective twenty-five thousand left in a separate leather bag he brought for us. We sat there in glee of our payment … and partially saddened after watching one million walk out the door with a man we didn't even know the name of. The second he left and the door shut with a clamp, we looked at each other did a double high-five, and had a little dance party around our bag of cash, like we were two cash gremlins. “WOOP WOOP!!! HAHA!!! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH YOUR MONEY??” I HAVE NO FUCKIN IDEA!! HAHAHAAAA WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!!!! Oh!! … maybe I’ll put that shit in like stocks or something? Right? that’s what people do invest and shit. “HEY!!! That’s pretty fuckin SMART!! … Idk … TO PARTY And blow twenty-five thousand also fucks hard as a banger of an idea, what yah think?” Twenty-five thousand is quite the part budget … especially if all you’re lookin to buy is drugs and alcohol … maybe a few Pizzas? “FUCK YEAH!!!! But like that homemade shit … top-notch Italiano shit!!! HAHAHAHAHA” HAhahaaa yeah but seriously … save your cash for your sake alright there party boy … at least most of it … you gotta live in The City again and THIS TIME … [To Be Continued]

[wack-rpmemes]

Assorted Tom Cardy Lyrics Starters

Just bear with me.

I'm a business man with a business plan!

Last night was great, it was our very first date

I'm definitely not a cop!

I have not seen your keys, but since you're askin' me...

-And then I don't reply for seven fucking days!

Okay, I don't- Let me find me find someone, alright? Just relax.

I [also] think that you're a cop.

(laughing like Will Smith)

Give us ya planet!

I headbutt [B]'s groin in the back of an ambulance!

I may have drank a bit too much,

I spend my days in a big, black, unmarked van.

But it's funny to say to someone who's lost their shit and visibly stressed,

Gonna send you something real quick

Where do you keep the pasta?

Hey, I don't work here!

Would I be wearing a dirty white singlet, ya fool?!

This might be the reason that I've got no close friends.

(cheerfully) I made a middle aged woman cry today!

To be honest, it seems pretty fucked up.

My foresight readies me for melee.

What kind of lifeguard are you, then?!

Hey.

Hey, what?

You said hey first?

"I'm losing my patience," check your anus

-and if I did work here, I wouldn't sell you shit!

Your kid's fine, they just swim weird.

Hey! I said- Okay, We're under attack!

Ok. 🥐. Fuck you.

I just came to get my ball, but it's been a long day so I speak for us all.

Do you think the president of earth has a fucking mullet??

Fuckin' worth it, baby!

[sebastianshaw]

Meme from "Broad City" quotes

“You said if you were ever going to do same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me.”

"Who would you rather go down on you? Michael Bublé or Janet Jackson?”

“Can Janet Jackson go down on me while Michael Bublé narrates it in song?”

“What’s an Arch de Triumph?”

“It’s when two dudes go down on us, is how I picture it, and they’re butt to butt and then you and I do Oprah hands.”

“I really don’t feel like going into work today.”

"Great, I’ll see you in 30 days then. . . biiiiitch.”

“Maybe your dad should have pulled out.”

“I need someone for the amazing race because my mom just pulled out.”

“I also have business with the bank. I’d like to cash these nickels, and I’ll have them in quarters, please. Thank you so much.”

“I’m a sexual X-Man. I’m Wolverine. I’m Vulvarine!”

"Oh my Lady God, thank you!"

“The vagina is nature’s pocket. It’s natural and responsible.”

“I would take you on my shoulders – like I’d strap you up and be like, ‘Let’s go through helllll.’”

“I’m not sexually aroused, I’m fiscally aroused.”

“That’s literally a one stop pussy shop. I love it!”

“I finally figured out my eyebrows, They’re sisters, not twins.”

“Four R’s, my friend-- Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna.”

“Statistically we’re headed toward an age where everybody’s going to be, like, caramel and queer.”

“I’m an adult and I’m responsible. Let’s go get some candy.”

“I finally masturbated above the covers without my eyes being closed.”

“I just want to get home and watch my shows.”

"You just pulled a bag of pot out of your vagina."

"Do you ever get hair from your head stuck in your buttcrack in the shower?"

"I'm still not over Amy Winehouse."

"I can't really imagine what it's like for people with blue eyes."

"This isn't a sugar daddy thing. This is just an old established guy paying for his younger friend who he also has sex with kind of thing."

"You're like 12, right?"

"I love me some dumplings. It's like a squirrel clutch with a meatball in it."

"I was so worried I baked a whole cake and then I ate a whole cake."

"In da clerb, we all fam."

"I know you from your ass better than I know your face."

"I respect you respecting me."

"You know what's cool about this party? We're the sexiest girls here."

"I'll pick up your poop. You're worth it."

"This is what living on the edge looks like."

"You got beauty. You got brains. You're a fucking genius. Do you wanna kiss?"

"You look sexy and vivacious and artsy and, like, young-wife material but, like, taut and teasy still. It's a perfect combo."

“Witches aren’t monsters, they’re just women! They’re fucking women who cum and giggle and play in the night. And that’s why everybody wants to set them on fire ‘cause they’re so fucking jealous."

"YAS KWEEN!"

“I AM NOT A MOM!”

"You never know if you never try and if you never try you never know."

“I’m only 27, what am I? A child bride?”

"You have been busting my balls all day over a sahaaaandwich shahooppe?!"

"I don’t watch anything but solo porn because regular porn is like, “Shut up, little girl! Wash my feet!” And she’s like "uhhh don’t tell my dad ok? Because I’m just barely legal. I love shaved pubes and tanned, crispy bellies and taints.” It’s like ugh!"

"I don’t have any money. I’m a wittle baby."

“Buckle up, buttercup”

"Money is a mind control technique that used to quantify the progress of the patriarchy!"

"Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers up then then why did She make them perfectly finger sized ?"

"I’ll see you when u wake up, and if you don’t wake up I’ll still see you cause I’m gonna kill myself and meet you in heaven or whatever.”

"If you train your eyes, you can see their religion”

“I know it’s like “pwease Mr. Cwusty old white man, can I pwease keep my ovaries?” Alright bitch you better vote, text me when you do”

“I mean we had been together how long, and I still never saw nipples?”

“OOPS I guess I don’t know my own strength”

“Pillows are nature’s packing peanuts!”

“The student has become the teacher!”

"This is some high class shit."

"It's 2014. Anal is on the menu."

"Where ISN'T the bathroom?"

"I was cyberbullied within an INCH of my life last night"

“I saw your tweets and I wanted to check you out but I also wanted to respect your space”

"I am going to respect your dick later."

“You’re my lil cupcake”

“I once ate a corn on the cob. Including the cob”

"Ugh, who YELLS?"

"GET OFF THE BALLS AND GO!"

"Wanna get, like, a bunch of hot dogs?"

"Did you draw that painting?"

“You have to swipe yaas, you can’t swipe naas.”

“I fucked you in the ASS the first night we did ANYTHING. I think that’s pretty fuckin mature."

"Well aren't you a hot diggity dog and a scalawag to boot?"

"In the club, we are all family. Are you racist?"

“Welcome to Florida, America’s droopy dick”

"This is the men's room. Uh DOIIII!"

“You’re so full of shit I need a plunger."

“Thank you SO much for calling me a star”

"I'm an adult. I should be buying my own pot."

"Coat racks AREN'T for babies!"

"My biggest weakness is that I lose my purse a lot. But my biggest strength is that I always get it back."

"I like to call it jazz becomes it comes out of my horn, and you never know where it's gunna go."

"White people do that dog thing. Black people don't make out with dogs."

"Next thing you know you're pregnant with his sperm and he's sanding down your headboard shirtless."

"We are garbage people living on garbage island!"

"I didn't know you had a veneer and I'm in that mouth on a regular basis."

"I'm not putting weed up inside of me because I'm an adult and I'm responsible."

"I really think you should put your weed in your front hole."

“We’re technically homeless right now.”

"Your ass looks incredible."

"Your ass looks incredible. Your head and body too. But we all know who’s the star of the show here.”

“Who am I? Honey, I have a cyst on my uterus and I need to get fucked until it pops.”

“You want me to FaceTime from the bathroom?”

“Dude, I would follow you into hell, brother!”

“Well, you are funny.”

"Animated movies are where it's at. They're like visual crack."

"All Hollywood media is porn, and all porn is kiddie porn. We live in a rape culture. We just do."

"Who would leave weed in a wall? A weed genius. And she'd leave it there indefinitely in case of emergency."

"Isn't it nuts that pickles were cucumbers? They're the trans people of the vegetable community."

"We are an incredible team and I love you."

"Smart and sexy. She is unreal, this girl."

"I've been overeating this week."

"How DARE you LIE to your WIFE?!"

"Do I or do I not have herpes?"

"Follow your third eye--your clit."

"It's my birthday, I'M KING OF THE WORLD!"

"I mean, the female form---God's hottest creation."

"You have to respect the sanctity of the RSVP."

"Okay, something seems very locked up inside of you."

"You have a way of tainting everything I love."

"I'm gonna be like a successful artist any day now."

"Yeah, I don't wanna rise and grind anymore. I wanna rise and then like lay back down."

"It's like we knew it would happen but we didn't do anything about it."

"ADRENALINE!"

"To be honest, I'm really happy with the way I look."

"WANNA FOOK?"

"Never have I ever read a newspaper."

"This is what living on the edge looks like."

[orange-waterfalls]

All At Once

Illinois x male!reader

@just-bts-trash-00 ty for the request + prompt!

A/N: OK SO i was looking through my docs and found this like halfway done??? And it's pretty much what was asked??? So I used it and edited a shit ton out so it wouldn't be too long but it's still pretty fuckin long. Rated T for cursing and a bit of blood and reference to sex in like,,, 1 sentence. This is probably more angst than fluff but,,, I did my best. I'm ngl I might write a part 2 if I really feel like it but no promises.

Asks and submissions are open!

Word Count: 2.8k

--

You had fallen asleep in a cave Illinois had managed to trap you two in, and you were being rescued by the time you woke up. Some guys in the town over got worried and started looking for you. They heard you and Illinois down there, and got some tools to get you two out. They had made a hole in the rock and threw some rope down to pull you up. Illinois grabbed onto the rope and held his arm out to you. You crossed your arms. He rolled his eyes and sighed.

"It'll be quicker if you just hold on to me instead of us going one at a time," he explained. You didn't move, wanting to be petty, but you saw the logic and decided it was smart. You walked over and held onto him and the rope as you were pulled up.

"This is nice, don't you think?" He purred. You scoffed. As soon as you two were on solid ground, you pushed away from him.

"Aw, come on…" he chuckled, "you're not still mad, are you?" You ignored him. A woman walked up to you. She was holding a notepad and a pencil.

"Hello there! I'm--" she began.

"I don't talk to press," you monotoned. Since you and Illinois go on a heck of a lot of adventures, and find a lot of treasure, you started to become a bit famous. You weren't having any of it. You headed over your car. You got in the driver's side and waited for Illinois.

After about 10 minutes of Illinois not being there, you looked back.

There the bastard was, flirting with a reporter who had tried to talk to you. Her notepad was away, so you knew it wasn't professional. You cursed and threw the car door open. You walked up to them, and they didn't seem to notice. They were too busy making flirty comments and innuendos. You rolled your eyes.

"Hey, Illinois, you mind if we head back? I'd like to sleep in a bed after being trapped underground for 12 hours," you growled.

"12 hours? It wasn't that long, you'll be fine," he brushed you off and kept talking to the reporter. Your hand twitched and you curled it into a fist. You pulled him away from her.

"Illinois get in the goddamn car right fucking now or I'm leaving without you," you warned. He raised an eyebrow at you. You glared back at him. He snorted, but stayed there with you. He acted like a dick, but deep down he did care about your feelings.

"Sorry, ma'am. Adventure calls," he saluted a goodbye to her and walked with you to the car. You got back into the driver's seat and he got in the passengers'. You started the car and began driving. Illinois sighed.

"So, what's your issue?" He asked.

"You are my issue!" You snapped. He looked offended. "You got us trapped in a cave for 12 hours!"

"Ok, I told you it wasn't that long. And you're still on that?"

"Yes, I'm still on that! You were careless, arrogant-"

"Yeah, yeah, I know! You know, my other partners never-"

"I am not your other partners and if you keep comparing me to them I will beat your fucking ass!" You threatened. You hated that he always criticized you by saying you weren't like his other partners. You'd just never really said anything about it until then. He frowned at you.

"Does it… bother you when I do that?" He asked. You grunted in affirmation. He nodded. "I'll… try not to…" he said. Illinois wasn't an apologizing type of guy. He's a "I won't admit I'm wrong but I'll try to do better" type of guy. It was anger-inducing at times, but he did try to do better, so you couldn't really be mad.

"Thank you," you sighed.

"Y'know you're-"

"Don't."

"What, I'm-"

"Don't! Don't say anything! Don't talk for the rest of this car ride, got it?" You demanded. He made a gesture that he was zipping his lips. You focused on the road. You heard writing and turned to Illinois. He was scribbling words down on a napkin he'd found. He handed to you. You held it in your hand until you got to a stoplight and then read it. It said "You're cute when you're mad~".

You groaned and threw it back at him. He started laughing and you pulled into the inn's parking lot soon after. You parked the car and got out, slamming the door shut.

"Whoa, you trying to get a new car?" He scoffed. You turned to him, looking annoyed. "Yeah. What I thought," he smirked and walked through the door. You followed after him, still feeling pissy. You flopped face down onto your bed. Illinois said something to you, but you didn't hear it as your vision went black and you fell asleep.

--

You woke to the sound of water running in the bathroom. Illinois is taking a shower.

"You were starting to stink," you mumbled, not nearly loud enough for him to hear. You laid there, not wanting to move, for the next 10 minutes.

The water stopped and you raised your eyebrows.

"Done already?" You slurred, still not fully awake.

"Hm?" He called.

"I said, 'Done already'?" You repeated. Illinois walked out of the bathroom wearing a towel. Only a towel. Your face flushed and you turned your head.

"I was in there before you woke up," he chuckled. He saw your head move a bit, and inferred that you'd turned away. He put clothes on and walked around your bed to where you were facing and gently flicked you in the forehead. You scrunched up your nose and whined as he laughed.

"Don't be a baby," he teased. You flipped yourself into your back and sat up.

"Guess it's my turn," you murmured. He grabbed your shoulder.

"Actually, there's not really a point for that," he informed you. You knitted your eyebrows together.

"Why?"

"We're going on another adventure, pal!"

"Illy…" You groaned and fell back onto the bed. He jumped in next to you.

"I promise we won't get trapped underground." You looked over at him.

"Probably."

You kept looking.

"Maybe."

You raised an eyebrow.

"Possibly…"

"Illinois, I'm tired," you whined. He snorted.

"I'm not sure how, you just slept for 10 hours." He said. You blinked at him. Ten hours? Guess you really were tired.

"Can't we just stay in today?"

"C'mon, man! Just one adventure and then you can stay in for a whole week!"

"Why does it have to be now?"

"It just does, okay?" You squinted at him, suspicious.

"Why did you take a shower?" He scratched his head.

"Well, I heard about this cave--"

"Of course."

"And we need a map to get to it. But, uh, the only person with a map is a woman who's leaving town tomorrow…"

"Illinois!"

"I know, I know!"

"What are you gonna do? Sleep with her?" You mocked. Illinois stayed quiet.

"Illinois! You slut!" You yelled.

"Hey, now, you can't call me things like that… at least not when I'm wearin' clothes…"

"I hate you."

"Please, Y/N!" He pleaded. You stared at him. As much as he was a bastard, you loved him and couldn't say no.

"Fine…"

"Alright, let's go," He got up and walked out the door. You followed, much less happy about it, and got into your car.

--

You drove to the cave, having gotten the map from the woman. Illinois' seduction didn't work on the woman. The two people did, however, start talking about adventure and traveling and got along over that. He asked her about the map and she said he could have it as long as he promised to give it back to her. He did, and you headed out.

You parked to the side of the forest where you were supposed to go through, and got out of the car. You took the mat and held it in front of you looking at the thick forest ahead. Illinois walked up next to you his hands on his hips. He turned to you.

"You ready?" He asked.

"As I'll ever be," you answered. He smirked and put his arm around your shoulder as you began your walk.

You two could follow a trail in the woods at first, but it faded off at some point. You tried your best to follow the map by going straight, but you ended up turning a couple times when there was a tree or something in your way. After half an hour of searching, you finally ended up at the cave that had a plaque on the side of it. He read the foreign writing aloud. You didn't recognize it.

"What does that mean?"

"No idea. I'm sure it doesn't matter," he waltzed into the cave without a care in the world. "Come on." He urged you. You sighed, folding the map and putting it in your satchel. You followed Illinois through the dark cave. You were in charge of the map, the flashlight, and Illinois. You were not going to get trapped underground again.

Every time you got to a puzzle of some sort, Illinois passed through effortlessly, while you lagged behind, fearing for your life. He teased you for it every time.

There was a small glass box in the center of the floor with a door on the other side. Illinois tried to push the door open, but it wouldn't budge. He walked back in front of the box, standing beside you.

"What should we do, partner?" He asked. You, being the dumbass you are, took your knife and tapped the box with it. The ground sank and a bunch of holes appeared in the walls. The door opened.

Illinois hauled ass towards the door, leaving you to panic in place. By the time he was through the door, you were only halfway there. Arrows began shooting through the holes in the walls. Illinois kept waving his hand, telling you to speed up.

"Come on! Come on!" He yelled. You sprinted towards him. An arrow cut your thigh and you squeezed your eyes shut as you threw yourself at the adventurer. He put his arms out in surprise as you wrapped yours around his chest.

"Well now, I know I'm hot, but you could ask before you--" his comment was cut off by you letting out a small groan. He furrowed his eyebrows. He looked down your body and saw your bleeding thigh. He lifted you off of his body and sat you on the floor. He reached in your bag and pulled out bandages and rubbing alcohol. He cleaned your wound as you bit your hand, drawing a bit of blood in the process. He bandaged you up and patted your shoulder.

"Get up, bud. You'll live," he said and started walking. He wanted you to rest for a bit, but he knew it wasn't safe in the cave. The best thing to do was to just finish the adventure so you could get back to the inn. You gritted your teeth and stood up, limping after Illinois.

While walking, you dug your fingernails into your arm to distract from the pain in your leg. You were much slower than Illinois, with his long, confident strides, so he slowed down for you. You eventually ended up outdoors again. There were necklaces with all kinds of precious jewels on it sitting on rocks, all in a circle.

"Which one are we supposed to pick?" You asked, your voice cracking from the pain. Illinois glances at you worriedly before walking forward.

"Well, I don't know. Let's ask the plaques," he leaned down in front of a rock. A golden plaque was on it, describing the necklace. Each one was supposed to be blessed. He read the plaque and wasn't very interested. He moved onto the next one. He still wasn't very interested. He went around to each of the jewels and found nothing interesting to him. Just when he was about to shove all of them into his bag and be done with it, he found a strange one. A necklace with a golden chain hanging on a branch of a tree. He lifted his eyebrow and walked up to it. There was a plaque on the branch. It only had a name, no description.

"Forbidden Fruit? That sounds fun," he laughed. You frowned.

"Uh, Illinois, I don't think you should take that one…"

"Oh, don't be a sourpuss, it'll be fine," he said as he took the necklace from the branch, smiling. His smile fell as the green and red colors of the jewel started to swirl, invading his vision. He felt himself begin to sway as he turned to his partner. The boy was on one knee glaring at the ground.

"Of course you don't listen. You don't care about me anyways…" you said without moving your mouth. Illinois, his vision covered in shades of red, green, and yellow, reached out to you.

"That's not… not true…" he slurred and heard an echo in his voice. "I… I care about… about you…" you looked up at him, your eyes wide.

"What?" You said, again not moving your mouth. "Is he hearing my thoughts?"

"Why would… would you think I… I didn't care?" He asked, his voice jumping octaves to his own ears. He felt the world spin around him and suddenly, he dropped. The ground disappeared beneath him as he fell and was suddenly stopped. His vision went back to normal as he opened his eyes and saw a speeding river below. He yelled out in fear, looking up. He saw you clutching onto his arm for dear life, while also keeping you and Illinois from plummeting by holding onto a ledge with your dagger.

"Illinois!" You yelled, "Do not move! I'm pulling myself up!" Illinois didn't respond. He just stared up at you, sweat and dirt covering your skin, your face darkening with the effort of holding him, hair sticking to your forehead…

It was making him feel weird.

He had this twisting feeling in his stomach and he felt his face heating up.

Was this… no. No, it couldn't. He would've known by now. Right?

You, running on pure willpower and adrenaline, managed to pull yourself over the ledge up to your chest. You heaved and wheezed with the effort of pulling yourself over and into your stomach. You still managed to have a deathgrip on Illinois' arm, even though you were quaking like hell. You held on.

Illinois started feeling weird again.

"Okay… okay just… just gimme a second… just a sec…" you panted. You were laying on your stomach, your head over the ledge, holding Illinois. He stared up at you, subconsciously trying to notice every detail of your face. Did you always have that scar? He didn't notice you had pulled him up until you were holding his head in your arms, rocking back and forth.

"Oh God… oh my God… you're okay… we're okay…" you stammered. Illinois pulled his head away from you, looking you in the eye. Tears were streaming down your face. He put his hands on both sides of your neck, rubbing his thumbs over your jaw. You held his face in your hands and began to sob, pulling him into a hug. You two sat and held each other for quite a while. Illinois had his eyes closed, trying to memorize your scent. He saw something bright through his eyelids and opened his eyes. He saw the plaque that was for the necklace he took. It now had a description.

Some fall in love slowly at first, where not even they know it. And then the emotion comes flooding all at once.

Illinois frowned and knitted his eyebrows together. All at once? What did that mean?

"I'm so glad you're okay…" you whispered. He felt your warm breath on his neck and he shivered. His face heated up again and the feeling in his stomach became more prominent.

Oh. That's what it meant. Was Illinois in love with you? The plaque seemed to think so…

You pulled away from the hug and smiled warmly at him. He returned it even brighter.

"I… think we deserve a week off…" he chuckled. You laughed and it made him happy. You both stood and walked around the outside of the cave, to the front of it. Illinois looked back at it for a moment and the letters on the plaque formed into English.

Arrogance fades when one makes room in his heart for others.

Illinois smiled. That one he could figure out.

"Hey Illinois! Come on!" You called from a couple yards in front of him.

"I'm comin', I'm comin'," he said as he caught up to you.

"Hey uh… I guess you really… fell for me back there huh?" You laughed. Illinois stared at you. "Yeah, I know… cheesy…" you sighed and kept walking. Illinois slowed down, his face darkening.

This was gonna be a problem.

Aha I rushed this one it bad I'm so sorry

[clumsyclifford]

luke a like anon again, i absolutely forgot to ask about your day!! how are you doing, how is life? i hope your doing ok, i’m sending all the love over the big ocean to you <3

oh well we're even because i absolutely forgot to answer this second part of your ask where you ask about my day !! lmao i am doing alright i've had a hella busy weekend so my whole body is sore and exhausted BUT i spent my whole afternoon and evening doing fuckin NOTHING today (though i did spend the morning doing two hours of heavy lifting and set...setting or whatever) which i really needed. not excited for ~classes~ tomorrow but on the bright side i've only gotta get through two days and then it's the weekend for me again ! win. sending love right back atcha i hope you're doing well !!!

[thebearer]

when teddys like two or three months you and carl are in a patch of him not being around and he comes home one day and she gives him no reaction or loves, and someone she sees frequently she is gummy smiling at them

oh this would wreck him. like the freezer scene has nothing on what this would do to him.

so the bear is doing really well. like really, really well, but they've got some competition. this new restaurant is moving closer and a little too close. they already tried to take marcus and syd, and carmen is stressed, falling back into his old ways. he feels like in a way he got himself here bc he had a baby and got lazy in a way- distracted, is more like it. as awful as that sounds, that's how he felt.

teddy's about six months and carmen's been at work non-stop. comes home late, if you go to the restaurant he barely has time for you, he's tightly wound and hateful- loses his temper quickly. richie tried to talk to him, tina, too; and he told them the same thing- to mind their own business.

you miss carmen, you do. but when you tell him that, he tells you he's here now- now being when he's practically collapsed in bed beside you.

it's the roughest patch the two of you had ever been through, and carmen doesn't even seem to realize it. until one day. the other restaurant got moved to the other side of the city- something about the building being mysteriously shut down for shoddy wiring (uncle jimmy had nothing to do with it!!)

carmen's feeling good. feeling like he can breathe again.

comes home early and you're surprised. he's happy and excited, but when he goes to teddy, she cries.

that tiny baby cry for you, just a little whine of sorts that she does when a stranger tries to hold her.

a stranger.

"teddy," carmen coos, trying again. "it's daddy, teddy bear."

teddy just turns into your shirt, whimpering and clinging to you. you watch carmen's heart break- the fall of his face, eyes widening into horrified realization.

"i think she's cranky, carm. it's her nap time-"

"she doesn't even know who i am." carmen's tone is hard- hurt.

"no, she's just a little sleepy, carmen. look, teddy, look," you coo, bouncing her lightly to coax her out of your chest. "look, baby, it's daddy."

teddy seemed to recognize the word, eyes lighting but she didn't relate carmen to that. blinking and looking around like she was looking for her dad. carmen's face crumbled, running his hands over his face to keep himself from sobbing in front of you.

you didn't know what to do, how to make it better. "i'm going to smoke." carmen rasped, voice tight with emotion, snatching his cigarettes off the table and going outside.

he called the only person he knew to. richie. breaking down, raw and emotional, begging him for any sort of advice on how to make it better.

"cousin, she's a baby. you got time to fix this. she won't even remember this-"

"-she doesn't even remember me." carmen sniffed hard, knee bouncing as his chest bubbled over with that familiar painful panic. "my own kid doesn't know who the fuck i am. what the fuck richie? what's fuckin' wrong with me. all i ever do is fuck everything up-"

"-hey, cousin, i'm stoppin' you right there, ok? let me be honest with you. this ain't about you, ok?" richie huffed. it was mean and cutting but it was true. "this isn't the time to be feelin' all sorry for yourself and shit, ok? you left your wife alone with that baby and you've been a real jagoff- like i said."

carmen hated it, hated that he was right, hated how he felt.

richie continued. "instead of sittin' in there like an asshole, why don't you go inside, take a few fuckin' days off, and get your shit together."

"cosuin, i-i can't do that-"

"- holy fuck, carmen. ok, let's try it again, alright? go inside. quit being a self loathing jagoff piece of shit, and take a few days off to be with your wife and kid, ok? i got the place for a few days." richie snapped.

"richie, we're booked for the next-"

"-look, do you trust me or not?" richie snapped.

"yeah, yeah, i trust you, c'mon." carmen muttered.

"then i got it, alright? if i need you, i'll call you, but for right now- your family needs you. if this was tiff or eva, i wouldn't even think twice about it. go be with your family, and fix this shit, you dumbass." richie huffed.

carmen took richie's advice. finding you in the bedroom, folding teddy's teeny tiny baby clothes. it made carmen sob. heavy heaving cries and mumbled apologies while he clung to you.

the next four days, carmen wouldn't leave the house. wouldn't leave your side or teddy's. he'd gotten her hesitantly out of the crib, eyes red rimmed when he cooed at her and changed her. she didn't cry this time, even giving him a tiny gummy smile that had him emotional all over again.