afterglow-tommylee

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 31. Is She Running From Her Past?

Malibu California January 23 2003

While I stood in front of the mirrors that surrounded our bed making sure that the little black dress that I decided to go with, hugged every inch of my body perfectly, hitting just the right spot at my knees and showed my cleavage like I had never seen, I was getting ready to head out to the Viper Room with Tommy for my birthday. He was trying to make it this huge party and everything but I told him I didn't want anything fancy, just some good drinks and my amazing friends at a club where I can just dance my ass off.

I'd never been to the Viper Room before but it is apparently the place to be if you're like Hollywood elite or something, and you can only get in if you are on a list. 

I swear I'll never get used to being well known now that I'm married to Tommy. 

I left my hair down, in loose wavy curls that flowed past my shoulders. I kept my makeup light and natural this time and paired the dress with my black strappy stilettos. Once I had fluffed my hair just a bit, I grabbed some perfume, Tommy's favorite, spritzed a few places, and just as I felt like I looked as good as I could get, Tommy appears at the bedroom doorway taking one look and me as his jaw seemingly drops to the floor. 

"Am I too much?" I ask nervously.

"No...No way... damn baby you are... wow, is it my birthday or yours?" He says, his eyes wandering over my body and obviously lingering at my chest. 

"Very funny," I smirk as he steps closer to me in his white fitted tank top and black pants and chain that connected from his belt loop to his wallet in his back pocket, while his necklaces lay perfectly against his chest and the sparkle of his nose ring catching the last light of the sun in our bedroom. 

He leans down to me pressing his lips to mine and then sighs once he parts from me glancing down at my chest again.

"My eyes are up here y'know," 

"Sorry babe, they're lookin' at me," He says, still looking at my chest and and I laugh as he leans down and places his lips to my collarbone, teasing me like crazy. 

Suddenly the doorbell rang from downstairs and he pulled away from me with a confused look on his face.

"Who the fuck is that ?" He says and I shrug.

"Nikki?" I say.

"No, I told everyone to meet us at the Viper room," He says, placing a quick kiss to my lips then lets go of me heading out of our bedroom and down the stairs. 

I take another few moments checking myself in the mirror turning to once again make sure everything was in its place and then I hear Tommy's voice calling up to me.

"Babe? Um... there's someone here for you," 

"Who is it?" I called out.

"Uh well, I think you should just come down and see for yourself babe,"

Slightly confused I make my way out of the bedroom and down the stairs and say, "I don't know why you won't just tell me who it is, I mean - " not noticing who it is at first but I am stopped in my tracks on the stairs as I see a familiar face standing in the foyer with my husband. 

"Hey Princess," My father says in his thick irish accent, a name that I haven't been called since I was a little girl. 

"I uh, know I shoulda called 'er what not but uh... I didn't want to chance ya hangin' up on me," 

He looked the exact same but yet totally different. His shaggy hair now more grey with a few dark streaks left along with his goatee his leather jacket with his cut, black jeans, his biker boots, and those blue eyes that always used to believe that I could do anything. 

It felt like my heart stopped. I felt frozen, worried that if I took another step I'd break into a million pieces. 

"You uh, look beautiful my darlin'. Just like yer mother -"

"What the hell are you doing here?" I say angered not realizing at first that the words slipped out.

"Princess - "

"Don't call me that," I say as I take a few steps down the stairs.

"Babe- " Tommy starts but I cut him off.

"Get out," I say.

"Andrea - ?"

"I said get out," I say even more angrily this time as I walk past the both of them and head directly into the  kitchen over to the cabinet beside the Jagermeister machine, taking out a bottle of Jack Daniels, closing the cabinet and popping open the bottle. 

I sigh, standing there for a few minutes looking at the open bottle on the counter in front of me, then lift the bottle to my lips and take a drink. 

I then turn around and see my father appear in the doorway of the kitchen and I take another sip from the bottle.

"I thought I told you to leave," I say.

"You did... I just wanted to give ya my number. Princess - "

"I said don't call me that. You don't get to call me that," I say as I set the bottle back down on the counter. 

"Alright, alright... I've got ya loud and clear," He says looking at me and taking his black sunglasses back out of his pocket to put them on. He then steps over to the counter island and sets a piece of paper down, glancing down at himself then back at me. "I've uh, transferred back to the California charter, so... whenever you're ready darlin'... I'll uh... be waitin'," 

All I could do was look at the bottle of Jack on the counter. I didn't want to look at him anymore. Eventually he gets the hint and turns and walks out of the kitchen with a sigh, and I hear him mumble something to Tommy, then the front door closes.

"You um... you ok baby?" Tommy says when he appears in the kitchen doorway and I still couldn't bring myself to look away from that bottle. He then walks over to me and I cross my arms over my chest, trying so hard to not completely break down and ball my face off.

"Why'd you let him in here?" I ask, still not looking at him.

"I'm sorry baby... he said he was your dad so.... And he was wearing a biker cut which was like, ok, intimidating..." Tommy says with a chuckle but I didn't feel like laughing. A few moments of silence go by and then he says, "Talk to me baby,"

"I don't wanna talk about it,"

"Baby - ?"

"No Tommy... I don't want to talk about it," I say looking up at him and he just looks at me, those gorgeous dark eyes of his asking so many questions that I'm not ready to answer right now. 

Just as I was about to walk away, he catches my hand and pulls me back to him, looking deep into my eyes again, He then leans back into me and places his lips on mine lingering for just a few seconds and as I pull away he leans back into me, touching his forehead to mine. After a moment, I pull away again and make my way out of the kitchen as Tommy slowly lets go of my hand.

*****

The Viper Room Hollywood California, January 23 2003

"Oh my god you made it!" I exclaim when I see Lizzy appear at our booth.

"Of course! You know I wouldn't miss my best friend's birthday," Lizzy says with a smile, her red waves flowing past her shoulders wearing a white sleeveless mini dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. I stand up and happily embrace her in a hug, us both laughing. 

Once I pull away from her I see Nikki beside her, his jet black hair everywhere like usual wearing a black button up shirt and a black leather jacket, black pants, a red bandana hanging out of his back pocket. 

"Happy birthday Andi," Nikki says with that sweet smile.

"Thank you," I say sweetly as he embraces me in a hug for a few moments. Then once I pull away I hear Tommy shout "'Sup bro!" 

"'Sup T-bone!" Nikki laughs as they embrace each other in a brotherly embrace. Once everyone has said their pleasantries I sit back down beside Tommy and Lizzy slides in beside me with Nikki on the other side of her. 

"When did you get into town?" I ask Lizzy flipping my loose curls out of my face. 

"Last night," She says.

"Yea she called me right away as soon as she landed and was like, 'I don't have a ride from the airport can you come and get me?'" Nikki says with a chuckle.

"It wasn't like that, c'mon," Lizzy laughs. 

"So have you two been like, serious?" I ask. It had been so long since I saw either of them because of how busy Tommy and I have been, we haven't been able to talk or anything. 

"Uh, yea, I mean it's been pretty much long distance right now only cause she wont give me a damn answer," Nikki says glancing at her as she looks back at him. 

"Answer? About what?" I ask and Lizzy turns back to me.

"He asked me to move in with him," She says.

"What?! No fucking way!" I say excitedly. 

"Fuck yea dude!" Tommy chimes in.

"Thanks dude," Nikki laughs as they bump fists with each other from across the table. 

"- I haven't completely decided yet just cause of the whole moving across country thing but um - " Lizzy starts. 

"Oh my god Lizzy! What the hell are you waiting for?" I say to her. This is amazing and I'm so happy for her especially after everything she has been through. She really needs someone good in her life who wants her for who she is and not what they want her to be. She completely deserves to be happy and she's the happiest I've seen her in so long since she's been with Nikki. 

"Look this is your night, we don't need to talk about this right now," Lizzy says with a giggle

"Uh, well ok but you're telling me everything later ok?" I say. I could tell she felt like she was put on the spot so I got the hint and changed the subject. 

"Ok," Lizzy laughs. 

*****

"... no dude I swear she like, jumped right in with it," Tommy says.

"No," Nikki says. "You got in on the titty cam?" Nikki says to me and I nod while I take my shot of Jack Daniels. 

"Titty cam?" Lizzy looks at all of us confused. 

"You know the camera that Tommy takes out on stage sometimes and like, films all these girls like taking their boobs out and shit?" I explain.

"Oh right, I forgot you used to do that," Lizzy remembers with a laugh. 

"Used to? I still do that sweetie," Tommy laughs. 

"Wait, you did the titty cam?" Lizzy says to me.

"Well I didn't 'do it' I um... ok, he took it out on tour this past year and like the first time he did, I didn't know what he was doing at first but then I just grabbed the second camera from backstage and like  - "

" - She totally jumped down off the stage, and like, started maneuvering through the crowd of ladies, flirting with them and everything. It was so fuckin' awesome. She got more tits on camera than I did that whole tour. They just fuckin' loved her," Tommy explains as I look at him listening and loving everything that he says. 

"Holy shit Andi, that's awesome. Like every chick he's been with has hated him doing that," Nikki says. 

"What? Really?" I say as I down another shot that Tommy has poured for me.

"I wouldn't say hated," Tommy says.

"Are you kidding? Man the fights you would get into..." Nikki says.

"Yea," Tommy chuckles. 

"Oh wait , yea before I forget... here," Lizzy says as she quickly reaches beside her for a second and then pulls out a little bag with tissue paper stuffed inside and turns to hand it to me.

"Oh Lizzy, you didn't -"

"No I know, but... it's your birthday and I wanted to," She cuts me off before I could protest anymore. I give her a small smirk and pull out the tissue paper from the bag to find and envelope first. I glance at her and she smiles at me and I open up the envelope to find a letter. I unfold it and begin to read the first line and I instantly become emotional. 

"Oh my god Lizzy..." I say with a chuckle.

"You can read it out if you want to," She says.

"Um... ok, Dear Andi, what do you get for the girl who has everything? no seriously you have to tell me. 

I never thought that when we met almost 10 years ago that you would be the most amazing friend that a girl could have. You have been and continue to be the strongest woman I know and one fuckin' badass chick... " I read with a giggle.

"See I'm not the only one," Tommy says and everyone laughs.

"You have been there for me like no one ever has. You've seen me at my brightest and at my darkest and stayed with me through it all. Through all of the craziness, sadness and pain that I've seen you go through, you held on and kept going even when you wanted to stop. I am so honoured to call you my best friend and I am so incredibly happy that you have finally found your happiness with Tommy. You two are adorable. I've never seen anyone love you like he does. Happy Birthday Andi Love you always, Lizzy..."

"...Oh Lizzy..." I say as I start to cry and immediately wrap my arms around her in the warmest embrace I could muster. 

"Jeezus you got me all emotional," Tommy jokes and I let go of her, look at him and playfully smack his chest with the letter and he laughs. 

"Now I know its not much but, I thought you would get a kick out of it," Lizzy says as I look further into the little gift bag and pull out what looked like a photo album. As I open it I see each photo from a time that we had spent together that she had placed with a little note beside each one. There we photos even going back as far as when we were on the road with Type O Negative and Pantera... even the one time where she got that lap dance from that dancer in that stripclub. Phil had to have taken that photo. 

"This is awesome Lizzy, I had no idea you saved all these," I say as I turn another page.

"I found them when I was sorting out some stuff back home and figured you know, why not right?" 

"Shit, I'm a freaking baby... look how young I am," I say flipping through the pages. "It's weird cause even then I felt more like twice my age..."

"I know right?" Lizzy says.

"Oh my god... no way you caught this?" I say pointing at a photo that had Johnny Kelly passed out on the tour bus with Dime hovering over him writing in black sharpie all over his face.

"I think you were the one that took that," She says. 

"When was that?" Tommy asks, leaning in closer to see. 

"Uh, that must've been like October '94 maybe?" I say. I then flip to the last page and it was a photo taken in Ireland of Lizzy and I, and it suddenly triggers the visit from my father from earlier tonight and I could feel my heart drop. I didn't want to think about it. It hurts to think about it. 

"Andi, you ok?" Lizzy asks as I look down at the last photo.

"Uh yea... yea I'm just... Lizzy this was amazing, thank you," I say closing the book and embracing her in another hug.

"You're welcome," She says sweetly. 

"I love you so much," I say to her as I hold her tightly.

"Awe, I love you so much too," She says sweetly. " Ok we gotta stop or you're gonna get me crying," She says and I giggle as I pull away from her. 

"Ok, here... I guess I should give you my gift," Nikki says.

"What no... Nikki, you did not have to get me anything," I say. 

"You're my fuckin' best friends wife, of course I had to," Nikki smiles at me and passes over a black box with a black bow tied on top. I look down at the box and then back at Nikki raising my eyebrow at him. 

"Well open it," Nikki says gesturing to the box. I glance at Tommy and he just smirks and I lift off the lid of the box to see a brand new bottle of one of my absolute favorite perfumes. 

"No way, where did you... like how?" I say as I take the bottle out of the box and Nikki just shrugs. 

"Oh my god it smells so good, like sex in a bottle," I say as I take off the cap and smell just the nozzle and everyone laughs. 

"What? Sex in a bottle? Let me smell it," Tommy says and I giggle as I hold it out for him. "Jeezus, that's... fuck, what is that?" 

"Armani Code, but it's like the Satin version of it. I only have a little bit left at home and I can't seem to find it anywhere..." I explain as Tommy continues to sniff the nozzle. "Where did you find it?" I ask Nikki.

"Lizzy just mentioned to me that was like one of your favorites so I just went on the hunt I guess, I don't remember where I found it though," Nikki says. 

"Oh my god, thank you so, so much. I'd hug you but you're across the table," I say with a giggle and everyone laughs. 

"It's ok, I can feel the hug from here," Nikki smirks. 

"Fuck, that really is sex in a bottle," Tommy says still sniffing the nozzel and we laugh as he finally hands it back to me. As I place the bottle back in the box and close the lid, setting it aside, Tommy discretely slides me another black box.

"What is this?" I giggle glancing down at the box and then back at him. 

"Open it and find out," He smirks at me. I glance back and forth between everyone then open up the black box to see a beautiful white gold chain necklace with a diamond encrusted lightning bolt charm.

"Holy shit, Tommy..." I say completely blindsided. It was absolutely beautiful.

"Happy birthday baby," He says with a sweet smile and I take it out of the box to look at it closer.

"Baby, I love it so much," I say, mesmerized by the sparkle of the diamonds shining in the dim light of the club.

"I even had it engraved on the back... see?" He says leaning into me, turning the charm over in my hand to show me.

"T and A 4 ever..." I say with a giggle and then I ask him to help me put it on. He takes the necklace from me and I turn to lift up my curls while he clasps it together at the back of my neck, the bottom point of the lightning bolt hitting at the perfect spot between my breasts.

"Did you seriously put T and A?" Nikki asks Tommy.

"There wasn't enough room for our full names so... yea," Tommy chuckles.

"Man, that's like saying 'tits and ass forever,'" Nikki says and Lizzy just starts laughing.

"Well he's not exactly wrong, I mean..." I say and gesture to my chest and everyone starts laughing.

"Fuck, baby I love you," Tommy laughs placing his palm on my cheek and pressing his lips to my temple.

"I love you," I giggle, turning to him and he presses his lips to mine softly and gently at first, then instantly becoming intense and not even caring that Lizzy and Nikki were at the table with us.

*****

A little while later, the drinks were underway, the music was pumping and a shooter girl had come around with some fancy shots in test tubes and though I normally hate those, for some strange reason these ones were going down so freaking good.

I was absolutely loving every second as more people showed up at our table, and I don't remember exactly who was there, but I remember seeing Fred Durst - which ok I know, totally weird, but I guess it had been a while since Tommy had seen him ( ok maybe more like a couple of years) so he sat at our table for a bit. There was also Mark Mcgrath which he was actually super cool and sweet but by this time I was already beginning to feel quite tipsy so my memory is quite fuzzy on everyone else.

I do remember Lizzy and Nikki deciding to call it a night, since Nikki doesn't drink anymore - though he doesn't mind being around it but after a while he gets a little uneasy.  I gave them each a hug, profusely thanking Nikki for his gift, in which he proceeded to tell me that it was nothing really. 

Nikki it definitely wasn't nothing and I swear it was more than I could've even asked for. 

The entire vibe and the amazing drinks were really getting me in the mood to dance, and I normally don't dance at all unless I'm feeling it, and tonight I was definitely feeling it.

Somehow I had made my way out to the dancefloor with Tommy following me every step of the way, feeling the incredible booming bass flowing through me. It had been so long since I had a birthday like this, where I could just let loose and not think about anything. Just letting my mind be free, going with the flow and actually feeling happy. I know I say this so much but I truly have never felt the way I feel when I'm with Tommy. I never knew happiness could feel like this, that I could feel unapologetically in love with someone who is so the complete opposite of me, but balances me so well that it's almost frightening.

I turn to face him and he pulls me in closer while everyone around us moves to the rhythm. His eyes wander over my body only focusing on me, his hands on my hips, moving to the small of my back and up further still as he touches his forehead to mine.

"You are so fuckin gorgeous baby... I love seeing you so happy,"

"You make me happy," I say, closing my eyes.

"I don't know what happened earlier tonight but, I wish you would talk to me about it,"

"Tommy, l don't wanna talk about it," I say, flicking my eyes open. Why the fuck is he bringing that shit up now?

"We always talk about everything baby, you know you can talk to me,"

"I know, but ... this isn't the exact place to bring this up," 

"I just thought that, I know you lost your mom, and I lost my dad and I know I would give anything to have him back, and your dad walks in and, you push him away - "

"Tommy, I just wanna dance ok?"

"If I don't say something now, you'll tell me it's never a good time at any time or whatever - "

"Tommy stop,"

"It's been eating at me and I'm not gonna let it. I say what I feel and I feel it now so - "

"Well maybe you should work on that," I say firmly. We had now both stopped dancing while everyone around us continued to. "Not everyone has to listen to what you think and how you feel all the time. Not everyone is like you. Some people like to keep shit to themselves since it's not anyone's business," 

What the fuck is happening right now? I was having the best fucking goddamn time of my life, feeling so incredibly happy and so in love and then BOOM! It crashes all around me. I should've seen that one coming.

"You're my wife, your shit is my shit remember?"

"Ok, so the shit with you and Vince is my shit too then - ?"

"Hey! I tried to talk to him but he fuckin' ignored me," Tommy says firmly back at me.

"Maybe he didn't want to hear it, just like I don't wanna hear it from you right now,"

Fuck I was mad. Drunk and mad. So drunk and mad that I started to walk away from him.

"Andi! Hey - "

"Fuck off," I say as I make my way through the crowd.

"What did you just say to me?" Tommy seethes, catching my arm on the way back to our table.

"I said fuck off," I pull my arm out of his grasp, staring directly into his dark eyes that were full of anger. 

"Don't fuckin' tell me to fuck off - "

"Or what Tommy?"

Don't say it Andi. You're drunk, you're angry, just calm yourself and think.

" - You gonna hit me?" 

Yep, told you not to say it.

He stood there, the lights of the club flashing over his face, showing how tightened his jaw became, his eyes boring into mine as I challenged him right back. Then I suddenly felt nothing but excruciating hurt and pain for what I just said and everything that happened earlier before I got here. I think he could see just how hurt I was, but I know I hurt him with telling him to fuck off and provoking him with the notion of him hitting me. I know how much he hates that and I did it anyway.

After a couple of minutes, I turn and walk over to our table, grab my leather jacket, hearing Tommy say something else to me. maybe calling me a name or something, but I didn't even process it or care. He can call me whatever he wants right now, I don't even give a shit. 

I then make my way through the crowd of people and outside the main doors of the Viper Room, putting my jacket on and lifting my curls out from underneath as I make my way up the sidewalk.

"Andrea!" I hear Tommy's voice call after me as I pull out my Blackberry. "What the fuck are you doing? Where do you think you're going?"

"Home" I call back not looking at him as I try and figure out how to dial on my phone.

"Are you seriously gonna walk all the way back home?" He says as he comes closer to me.

"No, I'm calling a cab," I say my voice starting to shake.

"Babe - "

"-Don't call me that," 

"-Would you just fuckin' stop for one fuckin' second," He says as he appears in front of me, stopping me in my tracks.

"Ok you're mad at me I get it. I'm a Dick ok? But you of all people know I would never lay a fuckin' hand on you. I did not fuckin' deserve that back there - "

" -you wouldn't fuckin' stop Tommy, I told you not to bring that shit up, especially tonight but you kept fuckin' going and - "

"Shhhh... would you let me fuckin' apologize goddamn it!" He hushes me angrily.

"Why so you can fuck up again, then apologize again?" 

"What?! Are you completely out of your mind or something?" He says with a sarcastic chuckle.

"Just leave me the fuck alone," I say angrily back to him.

"Do you hear yourself? Fuck woman, you are one stubborn... GAAAAHHHH!" He growls, stepping away from me threading his fingers through his dark hair in frustration.

"Hi, um yea I'd like a cab to um - "

"No," Tommy says and takes the phone from my hand and hangs up the call I was making. I was actually surprised he even did that which only fueled my anger more.

"What the fuck Tommy, really?!"

"Yea really," He says and pulls out his cell and calls for Steve, our driver.

"I'm not getting in that fucking car with you," I say with a sarcastic chuckle crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yes you are - "

"No, no I'm not - "

"You're getting in that fucking car if I have to throw you over my shoulder myself cause I'm not letting you leave here without me,"

"You're fucking insane you know that?" I say as he looks down at his cell phone for a minute, then shoves it into the pocket of his leather jacket. Then in what seemed like only a few seconds, Steve shows up with the black Lincoln SUV. Tommy then opens the back car door and waits for me to get in.

"No," I say.

"Just get in the fucking car," He says looking at me sternly as if I was a child which was pissing me off even more so than I already was. I stand there silent looking down at myself feeling drunk as fuck and suprised that I'm not stubbling all over the place.

"I don't even care if you don't talk to me the whole way home. Just get in the car," He says. 

I glance up at him for a moment, sigh with frustration and step over to the car and slide myself all the way to the other side of the back seat. Tommy then slides in and closes the door, telling Steve that we're just heading back home. I keep my gaze focused, looking out the backseat passenger window, watching all of the lights of downtown Hollywood pass us by. Tommy sits on the other side leaning against the door and looking out his window exactly the same way with his hand to his chin, his leg slightly shaking.

I felt like a fool. Like a fucking drunken goddamn stubborn fool who has to make a point just like he does. Maybe we're not so opposite after all. I didn't say one word to him the entire way home. Even as we got out of the car, I stayed far behind him as he walked up to the door, unlocking it and stepping inside. 

I had sobered up slightly on the drive back since it took a while and as he made his way to the kitchen, I closed the door, hearing him throw his keys on the counter. I didn't know what to do. A big part of me wanted to just head directly upstairs, take a shower and put myself to bed, but as I know from experience, that never makes it better in the morning. There were so many times Chris and I would go to bed angry and we all know how good that was for our marriage.

I take my jacket off, hang it up on the hanger beside the door and casually walk to the kitchen, stopping in the doorway seeing Tommy at the counter beside the stove making a sandwich. I still say nothing as I walk over to the fridge, open it, pull out a bottle of water, then move over to the counter island, sit down on one of the barstools and take a sip.

The silence between us was deafening. I still refused to say anything. I just sat there still feeling like a fool but too proud to admit that I was wrong too.

Once Tommy finished making his food, he turned around and slid me a plate with half of the sandwich he made. I look down at it for a second and then back up at him as he leans over the counter and takes a bite of his half.

"It's peanut butter and jelly. I'm too tired to make anything better," He says, taking another bite which makes me smirk for a second. 

I set my bottle of water down and reach out, taking a piece of the sandwich, slowly pulling smaller pieces off and taking a few bites. We ate in silence for a little bit and all I could hear was this voice in my head screaming at me to tell him everything that happened, and when I finally did, I didn't hold back.

"You really want to know why I kicked my father out of here?" I say quietly, my voice slightly hoarse from our yelling match earlier. 

"Yes," Tommy says looking at me as he continues to lean on the counter across from me.

"Ok... so, my um... My mom met my dad when she was like 18 and he was like 22 or 23. She completely fell hard for him right away. They were pretty much inseparable. She always used to tell me he like, got her with those irish blue eyes and that rebel biker attitude that totally swept her off her feet..." I start to explain and Tommy chuckles.

"He was like, Sergeant At Arms of  the Hells Angels Belfast Charter before he moved to Canada. He was like the fastest rising rank in that charter and was like, really well respected... anyways, my mom got pregnant with me and like, of course it wasn't planned y'know? My grandmother threw her out when she found out since my grandmother wasn't exactly fond of my dad so... but my mom loved him and so they got married, had me... but after a while she didn't like what my dad did anymore. And it wasn't like he was like just a part of a motorcycle club and just road bikes or whatever. There was some serious shit that he did..." 

I glance down at myself for a moment and then take a sip of my water as Tommy's expression changes.

"Like what baby?"

"I don't really know in detail of what happened, but it was some bad shit. Like drug trafficking, murder, covering up... like everything that you would imagine, that seems like it would be like a gangster movie, my dad did that," 

"Holy shit," Tommy says looking at me trying to figure out if this was real or not.

"My mom and him broke up when I was like 2 because of a lot of shit he got involved with, but she always let him see me whenever he could. 'Cause deep down she still loved him and she never wanted to keep him away from me. But he started to fuck up a lot... getting caught, jail whatever. She never told me anything until I was 17 and I confronted him about it. He denied all of it of  course at first, but he eventually like, told me... all the stuff he did... all the stuff he did to my mom - cheating, fucking around so that she would leave him, the drug stuff.... Everything...."

"Fuck," Tommy sighs looking away from me and standing up.

"That blow up that I told you I had with my dad before I moved to Seattle, well it wasn't  just like any father daughter "you can't move cause I don't approve"... I moved because it was safer for me to leave at that time, then it would've been to stay and possibly get killed by like a rival club or something... you know retaliation and all that. When you wrong someone or like another club, it's not like they just retaliate against you, they do it to your whole family... especially when it comes to the irish," 

Tommy looks back at me with a worried expression, realizing it wasn't just your typical father daughter disagreement.

"Now do you see why I didn't want to talk about it? Especially on my birthday," I chuckle. 

"Fuck, baby... I had no idea..." He trails off. 

"No one does. Chris never even knew," I say and take a sip from my bottle of water. Silence fills the room again and then I say, "This isn't a deal breaker for you is it?"

"What? Baby no... no, holy shit no," Tommy says leaning across the counter, taking my hand in his and placing sweet kisses to my palm, then to the back of my hand. "I mean I wish you had told me about it but I totally understand why you didn't. Fuck, I feel like an asshole for even bringing it up tonight," 

"I'm so sorry baby... I didn't mean the things I said, I was just hurt and mad and... I don't know," I say after a few moments of silence between us. 

"I'm sorry I uh, yea I'm just sorry... so fuckin' sorry," He says with a chuckle then places a few more kisses to the palm of my hand. 

I then slide myself off the barstool pulling my hand away from his, moving around the counter island and once I'm in front of him, he places his palm on my cheek, leaning down and placing his lips on mine. He gives me a few quick kisses looking into my eyes and then lingers with the last one, his lips feeling so soft and gentle at first, then becoming intense and passionate, like lightning, like the first time he ever kissed me. 

"No more secrets between us ok? No matter what it is, we tell each other everything... ok?" He says touching his forehead to mine. 

"Ok," I exhale.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 30. In A New York Minute

New York City New York, November 15 2002

"...no I know... I know baby..." I say holding my cell phone to my ear as I stand in front of the floor length mirror in my hotel room trying to decide what to wear. 

I had set up a gig for Damageplan in New York to have some record labels scout them for a potential deal. They had a few offers over the last couple of months but nothing that they felt were right for them, so I sent out a couple of invites to some independent labels and it seems that a representative from Elektra records got word on their gig tonight at Irving Plaza. 

"Fuck, I can't fucking believe after everything, she'd fuckin' pull this shit. We were finally in a good place and then this..." Tommy says to me.

"I know baby," I say.

Tommy had to stay back home and meet with his lawyers about what to do with the custody lawsuit that Pam had served him with. When we came home after the Vegas Hard Rock Cafe and Casino opening, Pam had decided to stop visitation with Brandon and Dylan. We weren't even able to have the boys for Christmas which broke Tommy's heart, and mine too of course. It totally came out of nowhere. She's claiming that because of everything that has happened in the past between her and Tommy, along with accusations of him still doing drugs and partying, he's somehow not fit to have visitation for long periods of time. 

It's absolutely insane. I have no idea where she got the idea to do this but it's completely uncalled for. Everything that she is claiming is a complete lie and it doesn't make sense given the fact that though her and I have only engaged with each other maybe a handful of times - most of the time when we're picking up the boys or if it's a drop off to our house, she has the nanny do it and pretends she isn't home - we've always been fine with each other. Like, we're definitely not friends but we're civil when it comes to Brandon and Dylan. She knows Tommy has been clean since '98 and yes he does have a few drinks here and there but it's never to the point where he's out of control and it's never around the boys. 

"I fuckin' wish I could be there with you baby," He says so sweetly. 

"I know, I wish you could be here too. It's weird here without you. I miss you," I say. It's the first time we've been apart since before we got married. I hate that we're apart. I know it's only been a few days so far but I miss him like crazy, and I hate that he has to meet with his lawyers alone. 

"I miss you so fuckin' much. You're the only one that can keep me sane during all this shit. You're the only fuckin' thing that's good in my life, I swear," He pauses, then after a few moments he says, "Alright enough about my shit...how's everything going there?"

"Uh, well the gig is tonight and I'm so fucking nervous. There's a rep from Elektra records that somehow heard about the show and he's showing up tonight -"

"Really, who babe? Is it Tom?"

Tom Zuaut was the guy who originally signed Motley to Elektra back in '82 after he saw the guys play live and heard their To Fast For Love Album on their own label at the time, Leathur Records. 

"I have no idea, I just know that there are a couple of labels interested in them and I'm freaking out," I say as I toss the shirt that I was holding onto the bed and pick up my plain black long sleeve dress, holding it to myself in the mirror trying to decide what would be better.

"Awe baby, don't freak out, you got this, you know you do," He says.

"Maybe... I don't know... I swear it feels like I have no idea what I'm doing," I say apprehensively as I glance at myself in the mirror doubting everything like I usually do. "And it doesn't help that I have no idea what to wear,"

"What are you wearing right now?" He asks.

"Nothing, just my bra and underwear," I say as I frustratingly toss the plain black dress back onto the bed and flip my smooth freshly straightened locks out of my face. 

"The little black lacy ones?" He asks and I raise my eyebrow at him even though I know he can't see me.

"Tommy," I say firmly.

"What? Fuck I can't help it, I miss you god damn it," He says, his Californian accent coming though and I giggle. I then glance at the clock on the bedside table and realize I am now running late.

"Shit, I'm sorry baby I gotta go, I've got like a half hour to get ready and get over to the venue," I say sadly. I really didn't want to hang up with him. Fuck why can't he be here with me. 

"Ok babe, it's ok... do what you gotta do,"

Once we hang up with each other after professing our love for each other once more, I set my phone down on the bed to try and figure out what to wear again, it buzzes with a text message.

TOMMY: I fuckin' love you so fuckin' much!

I smile to myself as I pick up my phone, then type,

ANDI: I love you so fuckin' much too, you have no idea, but I have a question...

TOMMY: What baby?

ANDI: Can you tell me what to wear cause I'm drawing a fucking blank here 

TOMMY: 😂🤣

ANDI: No seriously, help me

TOMMY: Baby, you are gonna look so fuckin' hot no matter what you wear, stop stressin'

ANDI: Ok... I love you, I'll text in a bit

I then set my phone back down and stare at the clothing that I have strewn across the bed, then finally decide on going with my black lacy long sleeve mini dress, that barely covered my ass - or it felt like it anyways- which was slightly see through but not too bad, and my black Louis Vuitton pumps. I check myself in the mirror once more, feeling like I still look metal enough, with some sexiness thrown in there. I then grab my leather jacket, giving myself one last internal pep talk, grab my phone and head out the door.

***

Irving Plaza New York City, New York November 15 2002

I arrived at the venue a short while later, just as they were opening for the evening. As I head inside, I show my ID and pass, then I'm directed to the backstage area where all of the dressing rooms are. I make my way down the long fluorescent lit hallway, hearing music booming from a couple of the rooms. Once I approach the door with "Damageplan" labeled on the front, I slowly turn the knob and open the door, seeing everyone inside laughing and having fun.

"Andi! You made it darlin'" I hear Dime's booming voice over everyone as I make my way over to him by the mini bar.

"I did, can you believe it?" I smile at him and he laughs as he embraces me in a hug.

"Hey, sweetie," He says in that southern drawl as he holds me.

"Hey you, how are you? You good?"" I ask as we hold each other for a few more moments.

"I am fuckin' awesome sweetie, I can't fuckin' wait to get out there let me tell ya," He says happily as we let go of each other. I then greet Rita who was beside him and she embraces me in a hug as well. 

"Where's T-bone?' Dime asks as he finishes making me a drink and hands it to me.

"He's at home... some stuff he had to take care of," I say. 

"You guys ok?" Rita asks, concerned.

"Yes, yes of course," I say quickly. "Just some... personal shit" and I take a sip of my drink.  It wasn't my place to explain what was actually going on and I thought it was best just to leave it at that.

We then catch up some more, after I greet the rest of the band, tearing Vinny away from some lovely ladies to say hello and we go over how soundcheck went, since I hadn't talked to Kat Brook, their tour manager yet. I then go over how there will be a few label reps out in the audience, not to put any pressure on them but just so that they know, I'm doing whatever I can to help them get a deal, and a good one at that. Then once we had all of the business aspects out of the way, we all continued to relax and have a good time with the drinks flowing and what not before they went on. 

Dime, as sweet as he is, kept feeding me more Jack and Cokes. As soon as I finished one, he would immediately replace it with another telling me 'it's still only one drink.' 

I fucking love him.

Once I was feeling good, not drunk but just buzzed, more people showed up in the dressing room, obviously mostly friends of Vinny and Dime, I suddenly saw an extremely familiar face walk through the door. 

It was Kenny Hickey.

*** "I have never loved anyone in my life as much as I love you. I have never wanted anyone more than the way I want you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me - 

"Kenny - "

"I swear to fuck that I will never love anyone as much as I love you and I want you to marry me,"

"What?"

"I want you to marry me,"***

"Hey dude what's up," Dime says, breaking me out of my memory as Kenny walks over to us.

"Nothin' just heard you guys might get a record deal tonight, thought I'd see what's up," Kenny says in that Brooklyn accent of his as they embrace each other. 

"Well as long as Andi here, does her job... it's gonna happen," Dime jokes, winking at me once they pull away from each other.

"Very funny," I giggle and tap him playfully on his chest and he laughs. I then glance at Kenny as he looks at me with such a sweet look on his face.

He looks exactly the same - except with the addition of a goatee which suited him really well - he still looks the same with his jet black hair passed his shoulders,  wearing his leather jacket, a black button up shirt, black jeans and instead of those biker boots he used to wear he has now opted for black leather Doc Martens.

"Hey you," He says to me.

"Hey," I say with a sigh and a smile and after a couple of moments, he steps closer to me and embraces me in a hug. His embrace feels the same with the warmth of an old friend. His scent was even the same with that sweetness and musk that always made him smell so good.

"So... I guess it's been a while," Kenny says when he pulls away from me.

"Yea, I guess it has," I say. 

"You uh, you look good," He says quickly glancing over me, then his dark eyes catch mine again.

"Thank you," I say, glancing down at myself. "You're not so bad yourself," I add, glancing back up at him.

"What, this old thing? Pffft, It's just a trick of the light. If you saw me outside you'd be like 'OH MY GOD what is this ugly thing standing beside me'?" He says exaggeratedly, his voice husky, which makes me laugh. 

He really hasn't changed one bit.

"So you and Tommy Lee huh?"

"Yea," I say and he offers me a small smile.

"Yea, I can see that. I mean, he's a good guy, and maybe a little hyper, and could do without all that drama but - "

"Yea," I giggle. 

"He's a good dude," Kenny says. 

"Funny, you calling him hyper," I say remembering all the craziness between us at one time many years ago.

"Hey, I never said I wasn't at times, he just is like even more so," He chuckles and I laugh. 

"You happy?" He asks.

"Yea.. yea I am," I say with a smile.

"I can tell, you just have this like different way about you or somethin'," He says sweetly. "It's good. It's good to see that,"

"Thank you," I smile at him and then after a few moments I say,  "Well what about you? How are you?" 

"Me? Pffft... still the same y'know... I mean, we're uh just finishing up recording and uh yea... I got married a couple of years ago, and have a couple of kids now..."

"Really? No way," I say happily.

"Yea, 2 girls. Megan just turned 6 and Aliyah is 5 months," Kenny chuckles with a smile.

"Awe, Kenny, that's amazing," I smile at him.

"Thank you," He smiles back at me.

"Uh, I should probably check on everything out there, see if any of the record label reps have shown up yet," I say, pushing my dark smooth locks behind my ear.

'Uh, yea, sure," Kenny says and I smile and gently touch his forearm, then step over to Dime, telling him the same thing. Dime then leans into me to embrace me in another hug, which makes me giggle. 

We then let go of each other, and I finished my drink, and made my way through everyone, greeting anyone that I might have missed before. Once I am outside in the fluorescent hallway, I slowly walk down towards the backstage door, taking my phone out if my jacket pocket and checking some emails. 

To be honest, it was weird. It was weird being in there with Kenny. We hadn't talked since I left him back on New Year's day in '95. I remember that feeling I felt when I broke his heart, and even though we've definitely moved on, he just brought up all those feelings of sadness and guilt. I never meant to hurt him. I just needed to get out of there.

After I gather myself, and take a deep breath, I open the backstage door and see the crowd that had gathered inside the venue. It was awesome to see just how fast the place had filled up. I wasn't sure who I would be looking for, but I was told to look out for a guy with a specific pass that he would be wearing. I made my way around the crowd sticking close to the wall of the main area, then the lights went down and the crowd began to cheer as the band climbed up on stage. 

"Hey fuckers! How ya feeling tonight?" The crowd cheers as Patrick shouts into the mic. "Alright let's do this!!!!"

They immediately break into 'Breathing New Life', Vinny's drumming just crushing the entire place as the crowd goes insane. It was so cool to see everyone just going absolutely crazy. A mosh pit had already broken out with guys just slamming into each other.

As they play into the next few songs of their set, I watch from the sidelines, staying close to the wall, still scanning the crowd for the label reps. I then decide to make my way into the crowd, and I see an older gentleman with that special pass I was told about. I take in a deep breath, give myself one last internal pep talk, walk straight up to him and introduce myself with my charming sweetness that I'm known for. 

"...right, right you're Mrs Lee?"

"Yes, yes I am," I say with a smile and extend my hand for him to shake.

"I'm Tom, Tom Zutaut from Elektra records,"

Oh my god, holy shit, how did...? Wait, what the fuck? I had no idea... Ok Andrea calm down, you got this.

"It's so good to finally meet you," I smile at him as he shakes my hand. I can't believe this is the same guy that signed Motley Crue, and it's even weirder that Tommy mentioned him earlier.

"You as well. So uh, you manage these guys huh?" He asks with a smile gesturing to the band as the loudness of Dime's guitar screams over the crowd.

"Yes, I do. I uh, did some temp work with Dime and Vinny years ago when they were in Pantera and uh, I used to manage - "

"Soundgarden right?"

"Yes," I giggle.

"I saw Soundgarden open for Guns N' Roses on the Use Your Illusion tour back in '92. Man, Chris Cornell is a powerhouse, and Guns N' Roses... now there's a band I'm kicking myself for," He chuckles.

"Well, I promise, you won't kick yourself if you sign Damageplan," I smile sweetly and he glances at me up and down for a moment, then looks back up at the band.

"So, you know why I'm here then?" He says with a smirk. 

"Pretty much." I say, then suavley but firmly using my sweetness as best I could, I add "Look, I know you are interested in them, I mean just look at this fucking crowd. What band - an absolute balls to the wall metal band in this day and age can pull a crowd like this? I mean sure it's Dime and Vinny from Pantera, but it's Dime and Vinny from Pantera! You can just feel the fucking energy in this entire place. Now who wouldn't want that captured on a record?" 

It was like I wasn't me. I suddenly switched on this whole other version of myself that was confident and determined, that knew her shit and knew that going with a major label would be amazing for Damageplan. 

"Y'know, I've seen lots of women who have been involved with Tommy Lee, and let's face it, most of them were questionable... well aside from Heather. He's uh, definitely an impulsive guy - "

"Sorry, Mr. Zutaut with all do respect, this has nothing to do with my husband. Yes I manage him too, but this is my thing. I've been in this business since I was 18 years old. I know this shit inside out and backwards, and I know that if you don't sign these guys, you are going to regret it the same way you're still kicking yourself for passing on Guns N' Roses," 

He stands there in front of me as I keep my composure looking right at him, determined to make him understand that I don't need to rely on anyone to do me a favor just because of who I know or who I am married to. 

Tom then gives me a smirk and with a chuckle says, "Well, now I see why he married you. You're definitely not like anyone he's ever been with,"

I keep my gaze locked to him and I could see the wheels turning in his mind. He glances back towards the band, then back at me.

"Alright, you got me," He says and extends his hand for me to shake. 

Holy Shit! Holy Fucking Shit!

"Thank you," I smile sweetly, shaking his hand, then he offers me his business card and sets up a time to meet, and heads out of the main area to make a call to the label to set things in motion. 

I turn back to the crowd just going insane and watching the guys up on stage doing their thing. I couldn't believe this was happening. I fucking got them a record deal. It's just so fucking crazy how I never thought that as an all out fan that I am of Dime and Vinny, how we ended up becoming friends and so close that they wanted me to be their manager, and now I got them deal. This just doesn't even seem real. 

I then make my way back through the crowd, feeling so incredibly excited and I see Kenny on the far side near the backstage entrance. I couldn't help it, I needed to tell someone. 

"We fuckin' did it!" I say excitedly when I reach him.

"Whoa, hey Andi - " He laughs.

"They got a deal, they got a fucking record deal!" I yelp excitedly and without even thinking about it I wrap my arms around his shoulders, embracing him in a hug and for a moment he hesitates, and then he wraps his one arm around me, while his other hand still holds his drink.

"Andi, that's amazing!" He laughs and after a few moments of us holding each other, I realize how weird this must be for him and as I pull away and look up at him, his arm still holds me, his dark eyes catching mine for just a moment.

"Uh, sorry, I shouldn't have... um" I trail off suddenly feeling like I was out of line.

"Andi, it's ok,"

"No, I should just... I need to..." I trail off again and then step away from his embrace.

"Andi!" Kenny calls for me as I flip my locks out of my face, quickly making my way to the backstage entrance. I open the door and step out into the hallway, the music echoing from the other side and I make my way down the hallway towards the dressing room. 

"Andi...? Andi wait," Kenny says as the backstage door slams behind him and I turn around seeing him walk towards me. "Why'd you run away? It's just me," He chuckles as he stops in front of me.

"I know but like, we don't really know each other anymore, and I didn't mean to just jump onto you like that - "

"It's still me, I'm still the same guy, and you didn't jump on me -"

"I was just so excited and happy and Tommy isn't here and Lizzy isn't either so I didn't have anyone to share it with, and I didn't think about -"

"Andi, I said it's ok," Kenny says so sweetly to me as he stands in front of me with those same sweet dark eyes glancing over me.

"But it shouldn't be, you should still be mad at me or hate me for what I did," I say sadly, feeling the guilt creeping up after all these years.

"Andi I never hated you. Yea, you broke my heart but I never hated you. I loved you too much back then to hate you," He says and I bring myself to look into his eyes.

"I'm so fucking sorry, for everything, for leaving the way I did, for - "

"Andi stop, it's ok. I've long forgiven you for all that shit years ago. You do not need to carry around that guilt," He says, still looking into my eyes.

"Promise?" I say with a little chuckle.

"Yes," He says with a small smile and after a few moments he leans in and wraps his arms around me, embracing me and all I could feel was this incredible relief. Then he says  "So are we friends now or what?"

"Yes Kenny, we're friends," I laugh.

*****

Malibu California, November 16 2002

"Delayed? Are you fuckin' serious?" Tommy says as I hold my cell to my ear.

"I'm sorry babe I know - " I say.

"Don't be sorry, it's not your fault, but like fuck... I just want you to come home so bad," He says and I could hear the frustration in his voice. But what he doesn't know is that my plane isn't actually delayed and I'm pulling up to our house right now.

"I know, I want to be home so bad, where I can just be with you, in our bed - "

"Oh baby don't start with that, you have no idea," He says, his voice now showing a different type of frustration and I giggle.

"I'll call you when I'm about to board ok?" I say as I glance at the cab driver through the rearview mirror, touching my finger to my lips to hush him before he can tell me the price of the fare. I quickly pay the cab and open the door, sliding out with my carry on bag and closing the door as quietly as I could hoping Tommy didn't hear the car door.

"You better, cause I'm gonna drive like a maniac to the airport to pick you up once you land," He says and I laugh as I make my way up the walkway to our house.

"I love you baby," I say as I open the door to our house.

"I love you too baby - uh, hold on a sec, I think I hear someone at the door..."

"You hear someone? Who?" I say with a sly smirk.

"What the fuck - ?" He says, hearing his voice in my cell phone and in the living room at the same time. He then appears in the doorway of the living room, the phone still to his ear, the natural light of the early afternoon sun making his nose ring sparkle and wearing nothing but just his red Adidas tear away track pants, showing off his impressive and gorgeous tattoos. 

"No fuckin' way," He says and drops the phone to the floor as I drop my bag and he quickly rushes to me, lifting me up while I let out a squeal of laughter.

"Jeezus fuckin' Christ, I fuckin' missed you," He says excitedly through clenched teeth as I wrap my arms around him, his lips pressed to my neck, then my throat, to my earlobe, then my jawline, making me laugh and loving every second of it. 

"I missed you too baby," I sigh, closing my eyes, threading my fingers through his thick dark locks and pressing my lips to his, devouring him, sucking his bottom lip. Then without wasting anymore time, he carries me over to the stairs 

"Baby - " I say against his lips.

"Shhh no talk... sex... now," He says in between his kisses making me laugh as he carries me to our bedroom.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 29. What Happens In Vegas…

*WARNING* *SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD*

Malibu  California, October 20 2002

"No! Tommy stop!" I yelp with laughter as I try to get away from him under the silky sheets of the bed. 

"C'mon baby - " He laughs, flipping the sheet off of us kneeling in between my legs in just his black boxer briefs, his hands holding my ankle as he attempts to touch my feet.

It was late morning, with the late autumn sun glowing directly into our bedroom lighting it up in a beautiful golden hue. I had been trying to get out of bed to get ready for us to head to Las Vegas for a grand opening of a new Hard Rock Cafe and Casino that we had been invited to, but instead Tommy has decided to do everything he can to distract me. 

"No, no way, you are not getting anywhere near my toes, I mean it! Don't!" I exclaim with panicked laughter.

"But your toes are so adorable, I could just eat 'em," He chuckles with his deep husky voice and growls as he tries to playfully bite my toes.

"No! Baby, I need to get ready, you have to let me go!"

"No fuckin' way," He laughs.

I continue to profusely plead for him to let go of me to no avail, and then I decide to grab a pillow from our bed and I throw it at him. He laughs even more ducking from the pillow and once he does, he places his hands on my hips pulling me down towards him.

"Tommy!" I yelp.

"What-ee?!" He shouts in laughter back at me as I laugh even harder. 

He then leans down quickly placing his lips to the spot just above the rim of my black lacy thong panties as I try but fail to twist away from his grasp. 

His lips continue to trail along the rim, and my laughter calms as he then moves his hands up my sides shifting myself beneath him. His lips place soft sweet kisses to my stomach and move further up my torso. I close my eyes and sigh giggling, feeling his stubble brush across my skin. his lips then move to my chest, his hand cupping my right breast, his thumb brushing across my nipple, playing so gently making me bite my bottom lip.

His distraction is definitely working

"That feels so good," I sigh as he replaces his thumb with his lips, his tongue flicking so perfectly while his other hand pulls down my panties over my hips and I help him, flicking them off as they fall to the floor. 

Tommy then breaks from my nipple and crashes his lips to mine, my fingers now threading through his disheveled locks as he moves over top of me, his boxers now long gone. He was doing everything perfectly to drive me crazy and I couldn't help myself. I let go of his hair, our kiss becoming incredibly intense as I moved my hands down, and began to touch myself. I moan softly against his lips, slowly stroking my clit, feeling how soft my own hands are and I gasp pulling my lips away from his for just a moment. He then glances down seeing me having fun and then glances back at me.

"Baby you are so fuckin' hot right now," He says in his deep husky voice and I sigh, closing my eyes, losing myself within myself. "You are so not leaving me out on this one though," He chuckles and I giggle as he quickly moves down watching me at first then places his lips on my hand as I continue to play. I let out a moan, and he moves my hands away, spreading me open to him and immediately placing his lips on my clit.

"Fuck," I sigh as he goes to work on me, his tongue flicking perfectly, then sucking persistantly completley sending shivers all over my body. He moans against me, which makes me moan, his fingers barely touching me at first while he continues to suck and pull my clit in perfect rhythm. It wasn't long before I could feel that incredible pressure building.

"Oh fuck," I whine as I feel him slide one finger inside me, then another maintaining that same rhythm. Then he suddenly stops, parting his lips from me but keeping me spread open and gently blows his cool breath across my insanely throbbing clit.

"Tommy... oh... my god..." I begin to pant as I raise my arms above my head gripping the silky sheets. He then returns to my clit, sucking and flicking like only he can and I cry out just a little, feeling the intensity of that wonderful build. 

"Oh my god I'm so fucking close," I breathe and he growls against me, his fingers slipping inside me once more and I couldn't take it any longer. My orgasm explodes all over him as I cry out, all the while he pulls everything out of me. 

It was crazy intense. I had never felt an orgasm like this before. I wanted to crawl away from him and yet didn't want it to end at the same time. I was so overcome with emotion I couldn't handle it anymore. 

"Stop, Tommy, you have to stop," I pleaded, covering my face with my palms and I suddenly started to cry. 

"Fuck, you are so goddamn amazing. Jeezus Christ I love it when you cum like that," He says with a proud chuckle pulling away from me, not noticing at first but then he suddenly heard me trying to stifle my cry.

"Baby?" He says, concerned. "What - hey... what's wrong...? What'd I do?" He quickly moves over top of me.

"That was insane, like... oh my god, I don't know - like what - just - I don't want you to look at me," I say still not taking my palms away from my face. 

"Why?" He says with a chuckle. Then after a few moments he says "Baby, look at me," reaching out, moving my palms away from my face and his brow furrows while he brushes my tears away.  

Without saying a word, looking into his incredible dark eyes, I place my palms on either side of his face, pulling him to me and crashing my lips to his.

"I love you... I love you... so fucking much," He says in between his kisses as he takes me in his arms, his tongue playing with mine, devouring each other like only we can.

****** 

Las Vegas October 20 2002

We eventually arrive in Las Vegas a few hours later and check into our hotel room to quickly get ready for the opening party at the Hard Rock Cafe and Casino. As usual I was having difficulty deciding what to actually wear while Tommy just looks at me like I'm crazy fretting over nothing. 

He already looks so damn sexy wearing ripped jeans, a red collared shirt with only the bottom 3 buttons fastened, his necklaces laying perfectly against his bare chest with his leather jacket. 

I eventually decided on a black long sleeve crop with a black lace overlay and low rise flared black pants with my classic solid black Louis Vuitton stilettos and left my dark hair down in loose curls past my shoulders. I keep my makeup light and natural except for my eyes which are always my dark and brooding blown out black smokey eye.

Once we were both ready, we made our way to the Hard Rock Cafe. Tommy steps out of the black Lincoln SUV first, then offers his hand to me. I then take his hand and as I step out behind him, we are instantly met with camera flashes. It definitely caught me off guard at first, I wasn't exactly expecting such a flashy greeting, though you think I would be used to this by now, but I'm not of course. 

We then make our way up to the entrance of the Hard Rock Cafe, Tommy being so sweet as we stop for some photos to be taken. There were some photographers calling out to him every once and a while and as much as I wanted to hide myself away, I stood close to him, my one hand on his forearm as he continues to hold my other, his fingers laced through mine, saying sweet things to me to help make me feel more comfortable and places his lips to my temple.

Once we were inside the Hard Rock Cafe, it was filled to the brim with anyone and everyone that you could even think of. There were three bars on each side of the massive main dining/ballroom area, dancers in cages elevated above the crowd, an incredible stage and then off to the far left was the entrance to the casino and hotel. We then move our way through the crowd, greeting a few people that we know and then head directly to the VIP section that was set up. 

"Yo, what's up dude!" I hear a familiar voice call out as we approach the VIP section and see that it was Sebastian Bach with his wife Maria.

"Hey bro, good to see you," Tommy smiles at him as we step up to the VIP section. It was a segregated section with large comfortable couches with a large glass square table in front. They embrace each other for a moment and then Baz turns to me.

"Hey you," He says sweetly

"Hi," I giggle as he embraces me in a hug gently rubbing my back so soothingly. His hugs were always the best. 

After a few moments we pull away from each other and I greet Maria with a quick hug. It had been years since I had seen her, since most of the time she was always traveling for her modeling career. We may have only hung out together a handful of times, though Chris and I did attend their wedding back in '92. She is incredibly sweet though.

We then all sit down with each other and catch up, laughing and just having some fun. We had ordered some drinks and once the server had come back around again Tommy just had to get her to bring the bottles and leave them with us. 

****

Hours later more people showed up in the VIP section. There was Dave Navaro who I had met before when Soundgarden played Lollapalooza back in '92  - we weren't really close but he has always been amazingly sweet every time I've ran into him before and he knew Tommy really well. Dave also brought his fiancé Carmen Electra, and she had apparently dated Tommy at one time before as well. I have to admit I do feel a little intimidated given that she is so gorgeous, and I think Tommy could tell.

To make me feel more comfortable, he pours some shots of Jack Daniels for both of us and I down it as he does. We then eventually end up going shot for shot with each other, while he flirts with me like only he can.

"I fuckin' love you so much baby," He says so sweetly with that charming smile, brushing my curls from my shoulder, leaning in and placing his lips to that spot under my earlobe as he hands me another shot glass filled with that sweet sour mash Tennissee whiskey.  I then down my shot  and once I do, I say "I fucking love you so much too," with a giggle looking at him, then placing my lips to the spot where he had my lips tatooed on him, the fresh scent of my favourite cologne of his filling my nostrils, and I already just want to go back to our hotel room to play.

He takes the shot glass from me, and sets it on the table in front of us, then turns back to me placing his lips on mine, feeling so gentle and so soft. He tasted of the sweet whiskey we had been drinking, his lips slowly moving with mine and I didn't even pay attention to the fact that everyone was still around us. His hand moved up to my neck, his thumb running along my jawline as his tongue began to play with mine. Everything about him just always feels so good. I wish he could kiss me like this forever, never coming up for air. Even in a massive club like this, surrounded by so many people, it feels like it's only the two of us.

"Hey, you two" I hear a voice say and Tommy parts his lips from me for just a moment and I see Carmen with a sweet smile holding out two shot glasses for us. "Goldschalger?" 

"Oh hell yea," Tommy says excitedly in which I raise my eyebrow at him as he takes the shot glasses from her, handing one to me. 

"You're such a dork," I say as he raises his eyebrow back at me and laughs then clinks his glass to mine and we both down the shot, tasting the intense cinnamon flavor which threw me off guard since I had been drinking whiskey all night. 

"Andi, I love that shirt you're wearing, where did you get it?" Carmen says to me as she moves closer, sitting down beside me, with Dave on the other side of her. 

"Oh, uh thank you," I say, looking down at myself for a moment then back at her. "I don't actually remember, I've had it for years," 

"Well it's gorgeous on you, and your shoes too, I have the exact same pair," She says and takes a sip of her fancy drink, looking stunning in her very short and very tight black mini dress with black strappy pumps much like the ones I have at home. 

"Thank you," I smile as I push a loose curl from my eyes. 

"And you two...  so fucking hot together," She says and I could tell that the drinks were definitley hitting her.

"Babe," Dave says, giving her a look. 

"What? I mean look at them," She says and Dave just shakes his head at her, then she looks back at us and mouths 'you're fucking hot'.

I mean, I know I've had a bit to drink, but I don't think I'm there quite yet. 

"She's a fucking maniac," Tommy chuckles shaking his head and I laugh.

"Hey Tommy, isn't that Vince over there?" Baz says from across the table gesturing to the next section across from us. 

"Vince is here?" Tommy says as he looks in the direction of where Baz was pointing and sure enough, it was Vince Neil sitting in the VIP section across from us with a group of people, mostly ladies of course. 

Tommy's expression totally changed, almost like he wasn't sure if he should be angry, worried or the fact that they haven't spoken to each other since he left Motley.

Now, I don't know the entirety of the situation between Tommy and Vince, only from what Tommy has mentioned in sort of a fleeting way but they have been at odds with each other on and off for years. 

***** Ok, sorry baby, I'm gonna cut in here for just a second to explain. Side note though, you looked so fuckin' hot in that little crop shirt and those low rider pants with those heels... shit, sorry guys, gotta focus here - haha. 

Hey dudes, what's up? Ya'll good? Good. Ok... wow where do I start? I'll give you the shortened version as best I can. 

So as you all know, I've known Vince since we were like, just kids in highschool. We weren't like, the best of friends or anything but we were cool with each other y'know? I remember when he was havin' problems at home and I let him crash in my van for a few nights until everything blew over. I mean he was a good dude. Fuck, we were only like 16 or somethin'.

Anyways, when Motley was first starting and we were looking for a singer - since the one we had just wasn't working out - he was the first guy I thought of. He had a band already but I knew he would be perfect for Motley. When I was finally able to convince him to come check us out, he like, just didn't show up. I was like 'fuck dude, of course he would flake'. But then something happened with his band and he ended up askin' us to come back and try out, which I of course was all for it. I mean you should'a seen him, chicks were like, all over that cat. He was an amazing front man and that's just what we needed.

Cut to years later when Motley was havin' some success with Dr. Feelgood and we were all sober and just a fuckin' touring machine, there was this time when we were obviously bored on tour, sittin' in a hotel room with no booze, no drugs, nothing to entertain us and we're like fuck it, lets check out a strip club 'cause, why the fuck not right? I mean we can go and check out the ladies without havin' a drink right?

So we get to this club, and there were these fine -ass girls parading around to none other than the greatest strip tease song, Girls Girls Girls - haha see what I did there? - and when the waitress came around with an irresistible rack of these test tube shots, Vince and I looked at each other and said 'Fuck it!' I mean between the chicks and our dicks we just couldn't resist.

But then the guilt of doing that knowing that Nikki and Mick were back at the hotel sober and doing their goddamn best to stay sober, ol' mr. honesty here had to come clean. The next night we were all in the dressing room before the show and I'm hung the fuck over and I tell 'em how I got fucked up at a titty bar last night and that I was so fuckin' sorry, and Vince is standing right there with them and he just goes 'That's ok dude, you fucked up but that's cool'

Like what the actual fuck?

So I'm all like, 'thanks' standing there waiting for him to say something, feeling so bad and bummed out but he doesn't. Ok cool bro whatever... Dick.

And it's not just that, there were so many other times after that where like, our egos would clash and he'd just be yelling at everyone cause he wasn't getting what he wanted or some shit. Just all out treating people like garbage and I would try and knock him down a few levels and we'd just fuckin' end up fighting. 

Like the fuckin' time where we were waiting for plane tickets when we were doing the greatest hits tour and he flipped the fuck out because I got my tickets handed to me first. Our poor assistant Ashley had to endure the wrath of him of course, just yellin' at her for somethin' so trivial, so I'm all like, 'Who cares who tickets are ready first, we're all going on the same damn plan dude' Vince is not having it and tells me to fuck off. 'Whoa dude  DO NOT tell me to fuck off, you fuck off....' And what does  he say to that? 'No you fuck off, what are you gonna do, hit me?' so I'm like 'No I'm not gonna hit you, I just want you to calm the fuck down'

Blam! He fuckin' clocks me right in the face. Seriously I'm not fuckin' kiddin'. At that point all I saw was red. I fuckin' tackled him right there in the airport, fists flailing and everything. My security guy Hawk thankfully pulled me off him in time, cause it was still during my probation for the spousal abuse charges that Pam put on me. But I didn't care, this was worth going to jail for. Then what does he do? Calls out for the police, yelling 'Help, someone help me! I'm getting attacked! I've been assaulted! Police!' and you know what? Not one single person came to help him. Him and his chick of the day standing there while Hawk takes me to the plane.

When I sat down in my seat I was steaming. It was clear to me that Vince didn't give one flying fuck about me, especially to provoke me knowing that if anyone had actually came to help him I would be sent right back to the gray motel. Nikki tried to calm me down and be the referee but that was it, I was done. I fuckin' quit. I did eventually agree to do the rest of the dates for the tour but I demanded that I have my own bus, my own dressing room, everything as long as Vince was as far away from me as possible, except on stage. That I could deal with, and I love the fans too much to quit like that in the middle of our tour. 

After that I was officially out of Motley and let me tell you I used to miss it a lot, the craziness, the pure fucking balls out debauchery we did together. We came, we saw, and we fucking rocked the fucking world, and it's too bad that after knowing each other for so fucking long, we still haven't figured out a way to get along.

Anyways, I'll get outta here and let my beautiful wife take over again. She's always so damn good at telling our story much better than I am. ******

"Babe?" I say and Tommy glances back at me. 

"I should go and say something,"

"You sure?" I ask.

"Yea, yea I should... c'mon" He says and picks up his drink from the table, rises and holds his hand out for me to take.  

Once I do, I rise from the couch, smoothing out my shirt, suddenly feeling self conscious for some strange reason which is totally the opposite effect of what I was going for with all the drinks I've had. 

We then head over to the next section and I see Vince standing in the VIP booth much like the one we were in, wearing a light tan colored suit, his blonde hair down to his shoulders with his back to us. Tommy then lets go of my hand and taps him on the shoulder.

" 'sup dude," Tommy smiles as Vince turns around startled at first but then laughs when he sees Tommy.

"Hey buddy," Vince chuckles and they embrace each other. "How's it goin'?"

"Good man," Tommy says once they let go of each other. "I'm uh, here with my wife. Uh, this is Andi," 

"Hi," I say shyly with a small smile as Vince glances at me.

"Hey," He chuckles with a sweet smile extending his hand for me and once I take it he shakes my hand gently. 

I have to admit I felt extremely nervous. I've never met Vince before. I don't really know much of anything about him, only of what Tommy has said about him but, we don't need to get into that. I'd like to try and form my own opinion despite the differences between him and Tommy.

"Well, have a seat I guess," Vince says gesturing to the large couch and we sit with him, Tommy sitting to his left and me sitting beside Tommy.

And that's when the awkward silence began, except for the commotion of the crowd and the music of course. Even though Vince had invited us to sit with him, he seemed distracted, focusing more on the girls around him and not really wanting to engage all of a sudden. 

"You know, this shit's wearin' me out," Tommy says and Vince glances at him without saying anything and Tommy laughs.

"Well... I mean," Vince starts but then shrugs looking away from him again and back to his distractions. I didn't know what to say. It seemed like Vince was all for hanging out for a few minutes but then it all changed. 

I then lean into Tommy mentioning that I'm gonna go and grab another drink hoping that maybe if I just leave, it might ease the weird tension between them a bit, but Tommy just whispers low in my ear that he just wants to head back to our table again and that this was definitely a mistake to come over here. 

"Well, we're uh gonna go get some more drinks so..." Tommy trails off.

"Alright buddy, it was good to see ya," Vince says, extending his hand for Tommy to shake, and he does so. 

"Yea, uh you too," Tommy says awkwardly and somewhat sadly as he offers that charming smile of his hiding the disappointment. 

We then make our way out of the VIP, Tommy taking my hand in his and just as I was about to lead us back to our section he stops me.

"No babe, you know what?" He says and I turn to look up at him. 

"What?" I ask.

"I don't wanna sit in some VIP shit anymore. Let's fuckin' blow the roof off this place, just you and me," He says with that gorgeous smile of his.

"Yea?" I smile back at him.

"Oh hell yea," He says with a chuckle. 

I then reach up, placing my palms on either side of his face and place my lips on his, lingering for a few moments as he places his one hand on my hip and moves around to the small of my back pulling me in closer, feeling the warmth of his hand on my bare skin.

"Follow me," I whisper in his ear once I part my lips from his.

"Oh baby, you know I will," He says with a sly smile then bites his bottom lip as I turn around to lead him to the dance floor.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 28. Karma And Effect

Hollywood California, October 12 2002

"Hi Mrs Lee -"

"Gina you know you can call me Andi," I smile at her as I walk in through the doors to the office building in downtown Hollywood.  She was the main secretary for the entire building as my office was on the third floor. 

"-Sorry... Andi," She smiles.

"It's ok... any mail?" I ask as I approach her desk.

"Oh yes... I have a stack here for you," She says as she turns in her chair then reaches for the stack of envelopes and sets them on the top of the desk for me. 

"Yay," I say sarcastically with a giggle and she lets me know if anyone comes in for me today that she will just buzz me and I make my way to the elevator and up to my office on the third floor. 

Once I enter my office I set the stack of envelopes down in front of me as I sit with the large bay window behind me. I didn't have much to do here today but I did have one appointment.

Chris was meeting me here today.

Ok, I know. I don't understand why I'm even entertaining the thought of speaking to him, but let me explain. Chris had reached out to me when Tommy was touring for Ozzfest back in August, and I blew him off so many times. I was pretty busy between being on the road and working then planning everything for Tommy's birthday and rehearsing with the dancers, that I really didn't have time. 

Now that the craziness has finally died down, Tommy now having some free time to just do whatever, I figured maybe I should see what Chris was wanting to talk to me about. I sent him a text last week and he immediately replied saying that he would be in Los Angeles finishing up some last minute recording on an album with Brad Wilk, Tom Morello and Tim Commorford - which they now call themselves Audioslave - and that he could meet me at my office anytime.

I honestly didn't have a clue as to what he could say to me that would make everything better. It's stupid and I shouldn't even care but, the more I thought about it, I know we are going to cross paths one way or another as much as I try to tell myself that it wont happen. 

A short while later, Kat calls me on the phone telling me that there is someone here to see me and I tell her to send them up. 

"Well, he was always pretty punctual," I say to myself as I glance up at the clock above the door that reads 2:00pm. Moments later, I hear a knock on my office door and I rise from my office chair, make sure I look presentable enough with my favorite Pantera band shirt and my black ripped leggings with my Doc Martens, pushing a few dark curls out of my eyes, walking to the door.

"Hi," Chris stands in the doorway, his dark hair curly and spiky wearing a plain white t-shirt, leather jacket and ripped jeans. 

"Hey," I say with a small smile.

"You um... you look really good," He says sweetly with that smirk he always used to give me.

"Thank you," I say as I look down at myself for a moment. 

"I uh, brought you some coffee," He says, holding out a cup for me to take. 

"Oh, um, thank you," I say and take the cup from him. "Uh... come in," I step aside and gesture for him to sit down on the chair at my desk. He steps inside and I close the door behind him.

"Have a seat," I say as I walk around him and behind my desk and I sit back down and then he does. I take a sip of the coffee he gave me and set it down in front of me. "It's good coffee,"

"Yea, I uh, think I remember how you like it... just milk right?" He says.

"Yea," I say. 

There it was.That horrible awkward silence that immediately fills the room making it feel like it is so much smaller than it is. We hadn't talked to each other since Layne... and Tommy punched him which I don't care to reminisce about. 

"So um... how are you?" He asks, those familiar blue eyes looking right at me.

"I'm good... good... how are you?" I ask.

"I'm ok," He says. Then the silence ticks by and then he says. "I saw the... the um... magazine article for Guitar One... it was Guitar One right?"

"Uh, yea," I say and take a sip of my coffee secretly loving the fact he saw it.

"It came out really good. You um... you two look happy," He says and I give him a half smile.

"Thanks," I say sweetly. 

"I also wanted to say... congrats on your um, marriage. I know I'm a couple of months late on that," He chuckles and I giggle.

"That's ok," I smile.

"It uh, looks like he loves you a lot,"

"He does," I say. 

"Well, he better. Damn, he has a mean right hook," Chris chuckles as he touches his jaw where Tommy had punched him all those months ago and I giggle.

"I'm sorry. I mean I know Tommy isn't sorry but I am," I say and Chris laughs. 

"It's fine," He chuckles.

We then let some silence creep back in the room and even though he was being sweet, I wanted to know why he wanted to see me so I decided to just get right to it since it seemed like he wasn't going to any time soon.

"So... what's up? Why did you want to see me?" I ask.

"Ok... um, I wanted to see you because I didn't think this would've been justifiable over text, but um... I wanted to apologize," He says shifting in his seat.

"For what?" I ask and take a sip of my coffee. I had a pretty fucking good idea what he was apologizing for but I wanted him to say it completely.

*** "Chris why are you being this way?"

"Why am I this way? You fucking made me this way. I can't even get away from your voice... that fucking annoying voice... why can't you just stop talking - "

"Chris this isn't you. I know this isn't you... it's the pills talking and I know you don't mean it,"

"Oh I fucking mean it," 

"Chris I know you love me - "

"No, no I don't,"

"Chris - "

"I don't love you. I'm done. There's nothing there. There's nothing fucking there anymore get it? There's nothing there. I feel nothing," 

"Chris, I love you - "

"Stop,"

"Chris - ?"

"STOP!"***

I take another sip looking at him as he sits across from me, his arm resting on the arm of the chair, his leg crossed over with his ankle resting on his knee, glancing down at himself, then at me.

"I uh... wanted to say that I'm sorry for how everything happened between us,"

"What do you mean?" I ask. I know exactly what he means but again, I wanted to hear it from him. He then shifts again, sitting up and forward and resting his forearms on his knees, his intense blue eyes looking right into mine.

"I was an asshole. Well probably more than an asshole.. for selling the house the way I did - "

I'll say

"- and I never meant anything by what I said about Tommy. I was just concerned. I didn't want you to get hurt. I get it though, I crossed the line. We aren't married anymore so I know I don't have any right to be concerned for you anymore -"

"Chris - "

" - and I'm sorry for all the things I've said, and for everything that I've done during the last years of our marriage. I wasn't fair to you - "

"Chris - ?"

"No let me... let me say it. The way I hid everything that I was doing from you... all the drugs, all the drinking, lying about it and then blaming you for how horrible I felt inside because I couldn't..." He hesitates for a moment looking away from me but I keep my eyes on him. "I couldn't forgive myself for not being there when... when you -when we lost our little girl... then trying to pressure you into having another after we got back together when I knew you weren't ready... "

I had no idea what to even say. This was not what I thought he came here for at all. I mean I had no idea why he wanted to see me in the first place but I definitely did not see this coming. 

"Chris it's... it's ok," I say, not realizing how much I needed to hear that from him.

"Andi, it's really not but..." He trails off looking down at himself again then glances back at me. "You didn't deserve any of that shit from me. I don't ever expect you to forgive me but... I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry..."

The silence fills the room once more as he looks away from me and down at himself again, then leans back in the chair, his eyes finding mine. It wasn't something I ever thought I would hear from him. I wasn't sure what to say yet. I then clear my throat and take another sip of my coffee.

"Um... can I ask you something?"

"Sure," Chris says.

"You know that interview you did that was for that magazine, uh Harper's Bazzar, back in like I don't know May? I think," I say looking down at my coffee cup.

"I do," He says as his blue eyes focus on me.

"Did you mail me a copy so that I would see what you said in that article to get me upset?"

His brow furrows for a moment and then he says "No... why would I do that? I'm not proud of the things I said in there but I wouldn't throw it in your face about it,"

"Ok," I say and take a sip of my coffee. " I just thought maybe to spite me, you might have sent it to me if um, you were upset about me and Tommy,"

"No Andi it wasn't me," Chris says looking at me. " I mean, I'm not gonna lie and say I wasn't just a little hurt by you and Tommy getting married, but I wouldn't do that,"

"Did you mean what you said in that article? When you said something like you were finally happy now for the first time in your life because you were awake for it?" I ask looking right at him. I could feel my voice hitch for a moment repeating those words he said.

"Andi, I... " He trails off and looks away from me and begins to play with his beard, which he would always do when he was nervous.

"I'm not trying to start an argument or anything, I just want to know if you really meant that. If you really were never happy with me," I say. He glances down at the arm of the chair, still playing with his beard and taking a long pause. 

"You were the first girl that I ever truly loved with my entire..." He hesitates for a moment then clears his throat and continues. "... we just had so much bad shit happen to us. It wasn't that I wasn't happy with you, it was that I had spent years drowning myself in alcohol and pills that I was in a haze. I couldn't feel anything because I didn't want to feel anything. I loved you more than I thought I could love anyone ever but I wasn't happy with myself and so I did all of the shit that you aren't supposed to do when you love someone,"

There was a long stretch of silence between us once more as we both looked at each other. It finally feels like after years of fighting, then avoiding each other, then fighting again, we - or really I - I can move past my childish grudge that I've held against him. He then looks away from me and sighs and I could tell just how sorry he really was for everything that has happened. 

I rise from my chair and walk around my desk as he watches me and just as I approach him, I gesture for him to stand up and as he does I embrace him in a hug. He hesitates for a second and then I feel his arms around me. He hugs me the same way he always used to. It was familiar and comforting. We stay this way for a few more moments and I close my eyes as he holds me tighter.

"Now Tommy isn't gonna jump out and punch me again is he?" Chris jokes as he continues to hold me.

"No," I laugh.

"He knows I'm here though right?" Chris says.

"Yea he does," I say.  

I then slowly pull away from him and as he looks down at me, I look up into his eyes and he reaches out brushing a curl from my face like he used to, then touches my chin with his thumb remembering all of the good times we had together before time and circumstance had pulled us apart. 

"Uh, well, I should head out," He says, clearing his throat, dropping his hand from me and glancing down at himself for a moment.

"Oh yea, um... of course," I say shaking my head out of my thoughts, and as I walk him to the door, he turns back to me and says,

"Are we ok?"

"Yea... yea we're ok," I say, surprising myself. I honestly thought I would be angry at him still, that the pain would still linger. I never realized that all I really needed was an apology. A truthful sincere apology. 

"Ok, well I guess I will talk to you later? Maybe eventually - and I know not right now but - maybe we can get together as friends... and just catch up?" He says sweetly looking down at me with that cute smirk he would always give me.

"Yea, maybe... sure," I say softly. And with that he gives me a small nod and a wave as we say goodbye to each other, I then close the door to my office, turn and lean against the door for a moment. 

I finally got the closure I needed. It was definitely a bittersweet feeling, and it's crazy but all I could think about was how much I'm in love with Tommy. Without even realizing it, tears had started to fall from my eyes. They weren't sad tears, or even happy ones, just emotions I held in for so long that I had finally let free. 

Suddenly I'm startled buy the buzzing of my cell phone on my desk and I quickly walk over, pick it up, and see it was a text from Tommy,

TOMMY: What's up babeh!!! 

I giggle wiping my tears from my cheeks and text him back with:

ANDI: Nothing, just finishing up here and about to head out the door.

TOMMY: Well get that cute ass out here! Haha! I've got the boys and they are going crazy waiting to see you

ANDI: Ok, On my way

I then grab my keys and my leather jacket sliding my phone into my pocket and as soon as I head out the door my phone buzzes again.

TOMMY: 😛😜😝🤪

"Oh my god Tommy," I laugh to myself looking at my phone and head down to the elevator, finally arriving on the main floor, saying goodbye to Gina and walk out the main doors to see Tommy in his jet black Mercedes Benz convertible, the top down with Brandon and Dylan in the backseat.

"Andi!!!" They both cry happily in their little voices and I swear my heart melted right into a puddle of mush.

"Hey you," I say with a huge smile across my face, immediately leaning over the car and placing a kiss to the top of Brandon's little blonde head.

"Yay dad she kissed me first," Brandon giggles in his little voice as I open the passenger door and slide in. 

"Yea, I saw that dude," Tommy laughs and I lean in as Tommy leans over to me pressing his lips to mine lingering just long enough before pulling away and hearing Dylan say something about how I didn't say 'hi' to him yet.

"Hi Dylie," I say in a silly voice through clenched teeth grabbing his little leg and tickling him and he squeals with laughter. As Tommy pulls away from the curb, I slide back into my seat, my body turned to face him.

"So how was it?" Tommy asks as we make our way down the road.

"It was fine... actually it was pretty good," I say.

"He didn't try and turn you against me or anything did he?" Tommy smirks.

"No... no we just cleared the air and um... we're fine. He apologized and that was it," I didn't exactly want to go into every detail of our conversation, that I will hold onto just for me.

"So I don't need to kick his ass or anything?" Tommy says glancing at the rearview mirror seeing Brandon and Dylan playing in the backseat.

"No, you don't need to do that," I giggle as Tommy takes my hand and places sweet soft kisses to the back of it. " - but he totally thought you were gonna jump out from somewhere and punch him again though," 

"Good," 

"Tommy!" I say and he laughs in between his kisses.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 27. Sun In Venus, Moon And Stars

*Warning* *Sexual Content Ahead*

Malibu California, October 3 2002

"No he has no idea... no... uh huh... ok... text me when you're here... ok... no, I know he's gonna freak out... ok... ok yea, ok bye," 

It was Tommy's 40th birthday and I had planned a bit of a surprise for him here at home. I had been planning it for a couple of weeks and I had asked Lizzy if she could help me. Needless to say she was all for it when I told her my surprise. I can't wait until tonight. I invited everyone that I could think of, Jerry Cantrell, Phil Anselmo, Matt Sorum, Gilby Clark Nikki of course and so many more of Tommy's friends (and my friends too) that are far too many to name here.

I was excited. Scared out of my wits but excited and you'll see what I mean later.

As I hang up the phone with her, setting the handset down on the kitchen counter, I make myself a drink - a Jack and Coke of course. Once I finish, I suddenly hear some music become increasingly loud bellowing from the living room. I take my drink and make my way out of the kitchen, taking a sip as I walk down the foyer, passed the framed photos that hung on the wall of him and I from the photo shoot with Guitar One, then into the living room and see Tommy laying on his back on the floor in front of the sound system, near the massive subwoofer, in his red adidas track pants with the classic white stripes down the side and a plain white fitted tank top, his eyes closed and the incredible rumble of the bass filling the entire room.

I still had no idea what exactly was playing but it was something I had never heard before. It was melodic but incredibly atmospheric, confusing yet trance-like, slow and smooth. I was afraid to say anything because I didn't want to ruin what he was feeling. I know exactly that feeling when the music takes you on a journey and makes you lay down on the floor wanting to feel it more than just hear it. 

I take another sip of my drink, then set it down on the coffee table in front of the large sectional couch, step over to where he was laying, looking so incredibly adorable as he lays there so peacefully, only slightly moving to a rhythm that only he can pick out. I slowly crouch down and without saying a word, move to lay down beside him, laying on my back and look up at the ceiling, listening to the sounds, the feeling of the low end through the floor and letting the music take over. I then close my eyes for a few moments but then I feel him look at me and I glance back at him, his dark eyes instantly connecting with mine.

"Who is this?" I ask. He looks at me confused for a second, then reaches for the stereo remote.

"What?" He asks with a chuckle, turning the stereo down.

"What's playing?" I giggle.

"It's um, Sigur Ros. They're like this atmospheric experimental band from Iceland. Fuckin' trippy right?" He smiles at me. 

"Yea..." I say and I close my eyes again hearing him turn the music back up and I lay there with him, letting the music take me to wherever it wanted to. Then what seemed like only seconds that passed by, the music stopped and I opened my eyes again. 

"How is it that you totally and completely just get me?" Tommy says looking up at the ceiling once the music had ended.

"What do you mean?" I chuckle.

"Like, you weren't like, weirded out or anything when you found me here on the floor, just trippin' the fuck out on tunes," He says and he turns to look at me. 

"Was I supposed to be weirded out?" I giggle and he laughs.

"No, like there was this one time - 'this one time at band camp' -" He jokes in a mocking tone and I laugh. Then he continues as he looks back up at the ceiling, "...this one girl I was dating, long before you obviously... and I uh, put on that album while we were having dinner here, just me and her and I don't remember how it happened but like after we finished eating, I came out here with my drink while it was still playing and I had to lay down on the floor, right here and just... I don't know, lose myself in it. It totally took me on another trip, like another space and time, I couldn't even explain it. It was like I left my body. I didn't even know what was happening anymore. Then she like, found me here just like you did and asked me if I was alright... I tried to explain it to her but she totally got all weirded out and had to turn it off cause I guess I freaked her out or something, I don't know," 

"She got weirded out because you were meditating?" I ask.

"Yea. Yea she like, thought I was trying to conjure something or like, I don't know. Then we started fighting out of nowhere, and she like was so crazy paranoid that I did conjure something and yea... that was the last of her," He chuckles and I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

"You're kidding right?" I chuckle.

"No, I wish I was," He says with a chuckle. "I found out later she was like doing speed and hiding it from me, which like, explained her crazy mood swings and shit..." He says.

"Fuck, I must be like a walk in the park compared to all you're ex's or something," I giggle.

"Oh baby you have no idea," He laughs with that charming smile again and after a couple of moments he then says, "But you didn't get weirded out at all, you just joined me. You didn't even say anything or ask me what I was doing, you just laid down here with me," 

"Well, I wanted to see what you were feeling, er- I mean feel what you were feeling," I say and he chuckles. Then after a couple of moments I say " I used to lay down on the floor all the time and just feel the music like this... like I would crank it just like that and do the exact same thing, but I would always be by myself, like in my room when I was a kid or like, when I got older and in my first apartment but I never had anyone join me in it before... so I just thought I'd lay down here with you,"

We then just lay on the floor with each other listening to the track play through' and then I say, "You know it reminds me of Godspeed You! Black Emperor,"

"Who?" He asks with a chuckle and confused look on his face. 

I then give him a little smirk and quickly rise from the floor while he sits up, takes a sip of his Jager and Root Beer and watches me walk over to the far wall of the living room where all of our vinyl and CD's are stored on a tall cubed bookshelf. I find the CD by Godspeed You! Black Emperor and walk back over to the stereo but not before taking a huge sip of my drink, stop the music and change the disc to the one that I was holding and press play. I then lay myself back down on the floor and Tommy lays down beside me. The track starts off slow and ominous, a heartbeat pulse from the low end. Then the lyrics come in as spoken word:

'The car's on fire and there's no driver at the wheel And the sewer's are all muddied with a thousand lonely suicides And a dark wind blows The government is corrupt And we're on so many drugs with the radio on and the curtains drawn'

"What?" Tommy chuckles.

"Shhh... just wait," I giggle.

'We're trapped in the belly of this horrible machine And the machine is bleeding to death The Sun has fallen down And the billboards are all leering And the flags are all dead at the top of their poles It went like this: The buildings tumbled in on themselves Mothers clutching babies picked through the rubble And pulled out their hair...'

I close my eyes and listen, feeling that same feeling I'm sure Tommy was feeling just moments ago and I could feel him look at me for a moment, take my hand in his, then close his eyes as he lets it take over once more.

'The Skyline was beautiful on fire All twisted metal stretching upwards Everything washed in a thin orange haze I said : Kiss me you're beautiful-these are truly the last days You grabbed my hand and we fell into it Like a daydream or a fever We woke up one morning and fell a little further down For it's sure the valley of death I open up my wallet And it's full of blood'

"What the fuck?" Tommy says, flicking his eyes open and looking up at the ceiling.

"I know right?" I say with a smile as I look at him.

"What was that?" He chuckles.

"It's called 'The Dead Flag Blues'" I say.

"You gotta play that again," He says.

"Yea?" I giggle.

"Fuck yea, play that again," He chuckles. I laugh as I pick up the stereo remote and restart the track, turning it up as loud as before. 

As it plays over again I lay there with him watching him with his eyes closed much like before, listening to the ominous atmospheric sounds over the spoken word and if there was any way that I could love him any more than I already do, I'd find a way to. 

After a little while, he turns to look at me, then moves closer, shifting onto his side and pulling me into him and pressing his lips to mine. His lips were so incredibly soft, and sensual, quickly becoming intense and passionate. I swear I could kiss him forever, never coming up for air. 

He then shifts so that I am now underneath him breaking from my lips for just a second and then intensely crashing his lips to mine again as I place my palms on either side of his face. His tongue plays with mine becoming hungered and frazzled but then sweet and gentle. He then parts his lips from mine touching his forehead to mine and says,

"Y'know sometimes I still can't believe that you're my wife," 

"Sometimes I still can't believe that you're my husband," I say and he lifts his forehead from mine. 

"Like, where the hell did you come from? And where the hell have you been? And like, why the fuck did we not meet sooner?" He says and I giggle in between his questions.

"Well, originally I came from Canada, and I've apparently been with all the wrong people but it's like you said... It just wasn't our time yet,"

He then sighs with a smirk and I couldn't help but laugh as he says,

"There you go again, throwin' fuckin' logic in there,"

***

It was well into the evening with the drinks flowing and the party underway. I had managed to distract Tommy for a good few hours while everyone showed up secretly in the backyard. Once it was time and I led him through the house with a blind fold, he was so suspicious constantly asking me where I was taking him, what I was doing, why I was leading him so far into the backyard. Once he saw everybody though, the look on his face was priceless. He was so excited and humbled at how everyone was here, hugging everyone he could in sight.

"Oh my god, ok... uh... I don't know if I can do this," I say as I stand in the downstairs bathroom just off of the living room that leads out onto the large deck by the pool in the backyard wearing the shortest pleated red plaid skirt that just barely covered my ass, my tall black leather Doc Martens - because I have to keep it metal- and a white long sleeve button up shirt tied into a crop showing off my cleavage perfectly with the sleeves rolled up to my forearms.

"Andi, trust me, you look so hot, Tommy is gonna lose his mind," Lizzy says as she helps me straighten out my dark locks so that they are completely smooth and straight with no trace of a curl in sight. 

I had been rehearsing with a couple of dancers over the last couple of weeks. I wanted to do something for his birthday that would completely blow his mind. Something that would catch him totally by surprise. I just wish I wasn't so fucking nervous.

"I know... fuck I know and that's what's making me so fucking nervous... and well everyone else too,"

"Oh Andi everyone is gonna love it," Lizzy re-assures me as she picks up the flat iron to smooth out some of my locks that are obviously being temperamental. "Remember back around the time when you and I first met and we were all on the road with Pantera... and Peter and I had that huge fight? Phil like, takes us to that strip club and he sets it up for that chick to dance for me?"

"Oh fuck, yea I remember that," I say remembering the entire thing. I was so nervous for her when Phil had the ladies set up a chair on stage for her and this dancer - who was incredible at what she did - did this whole lap dance routine for Lizzy. 

"I mean, it wasn't quite like this," She says gesturing to me, "But it was in front of a lot of people and it was sooo much fun once I was up there. Just don't even think about the people watching you and you'll be fine. Fuck you did a whole photo shoot with you and Tommy like making out in front of the camera, you totally got this," She says with a chuckle and I laugh.

Suddenly there was a knock on the bathroom door which made both Lizzy and I jump.

"Yea?" I ask through the door. 

"I think the dancer's are ready to go,"

"Ok, I'll be right out," I say.

"Tommy's lookin' for ya too...what should I tell him?"

I look back at Lizzy and she just shrugs at me. 

"Um, just stall him as best you can," I say through the door shrugging back at Lizzy and we giggle.

I then turn back to the mirror, trying to give myself one more internal pep talk as I grab some hair smoothing oil, put just a little in my hands and smooth out any of the fly aways that appear.

"Ok, I can do this right?" I ask Lizzy when I turn to her and she reaches out helping me smooth out a few more locks of my hair.

"Hell yea girl you can totally do this," She smiles at me. We then embrace each other, her being so sweet hyping me up and then she turns to open the bathroom door first, checks to see if there was anyone around, once the coast was clear, she gestures behind her for me to come out and I carefully make my way out to the sort of "backstage" area that was set up by the little outdoor stage that we had on the opposite side of the pool area without anyone seeing me.

The stage was set up with a backdrop that fell away and a chair that sat at the front facing the backdrop. 

I met the 2 dancers behind the backdrop of the stage, a blonde named Kelsy and a redhead named Makayla that were dressed exactly like me, and so bubbly and sweet just like when I met them the first time a couple of weeks ago, greeting me with warm hugs and a few shots of Jack Daniels. 

They definitely know the way to my heart. 

We discuss the performance once more and just how it will go, when I suddenly hear Lizzy out front with the mic that was set up through the outdoor PA system. 

"... is this thing on? Yea? ok," She says with a tap of the mic  and everyone goes quiet as they turn towards her. 

"Ok, um... hi," Lizzy smiles and everyone chuckles, some raising their glass to her. 

"Um, ok so Andi asked me to um do an intro for her surprise for Tommy, um so... here I am," She says with a smile and everyone laughs. "Tommy this is your seat here..." She gestures to the chair in front of her and he immediately, without hesitating at all, I can hear him quickly run up to the stage and plant himself on the chair as I wait behind the backdrop with the girls. 

I was so scared and so nervous but so excited at the same time. 

"I feel like you have an idea of what's about to happen," Lizzy chuckles and I hear his laughter picking up through the mic.

"Uh huh, ok," Lizzy smirks and everyone laughs. "Alright um, I guess, here it is. Tommy, happy fuckin' birthday!" 

As soon as the music started, and I was in my place with the girls, Lizzy pulled the rope to the backdrop and it fell away revealing me with the girls on either side of me. 

"Holy fuck," Tommy says wearing his white fitted tank top with his necklaces laying perfectly against his chest, his ripped boot cut jeans, and the lights perfectly capturing the sparkle of his nose ring, his jaw practically dropping out onto the stage as everyone starts to cheer us on. 

For a second I felt frozen like I couldn't do it. He looked so fucking amazing sitting there in that chair that I almost completely lost my nerve, but I closed my eyes and went into the dance just like the girls and I had rehearsed. 

'One blow til I take ya down, I'll take ya down One smoke and your head spins around and around Chrome mags, a million drags, it never lags An old transport queen mama, you never seen'

I strut up to the front to the rhythm of Kyuss's Gardenia, confident and determined, giving one swing of my hair as we all turn, swinging my hips and feeling like I never have before. It was like I wasn't even myself anymore, like I was completely different, almost playing a character and I totally loved every second of it. 

"No fuckin' way baby!" Tommy yells out excitedly as I continue and everyone else cheers us on. Then just like we rehearsed, the girls drop away, heading off stage and it was just me dancing for my husband as he watches every move I make.

"God damn!" He laughs as I whip my hair once more and just as I make my way up to him, his eyes fixate on me as they wander over my body.

'Hear a purrin' motor And she's a-burnin' fuel Push it over baby We're makin' love to you'

"Fuck you are fuckin' amazing," He laughs with that incredibly charming smile that makes me melt inside and I manouver myself to straddle him, my one hand holding onto the back of the chair to steady myself and he glances down, and places his hands on my hips and I lean myself back.

"No... way," I hear him again and I bring myself back up, my dark locks covering my eyes and I flip them out of my face, and just as the song ends I then place my palm on his cheek and lick him from his jaw to his temple. 

"Happy birthday baby," I whisper in his ear as everyone laughs with a few cheers from Phil's voice booming over everyone as usual.

He then wraps his arms around me and I giggle, feeling him bury his face in my shoulder, holding me so incredibly tight. We stay this way together for a few moments and then he moves, leaning against the back of the chair, his hand reaching up to cup my cheek in his palm and as he quickly glances at my lips, he pulls me to him, my lips now on his, our kiss quickly becoming intense but just as I pull away, he holds me to him, his forehead touching mine. 

"That was so fuckin' amazing baby, like holy fuck I want you so bad," He says.

"I thought you'd like that," 

"I fuckin' love you," He chuckles.

"I fuckin' love you too," I giggle. Then just as I lift my forehead from his, I see everyone still just laughing and carrying on.

"Fuck yea!" I yell out raising my arm up and Tommy laughs with everyone yelling it right back to me. 

****

"Oh fuck... yes," I whimper as I try to hang on to the sink vanity in the downstairs bathroom, my back pressed up against the mirror, positioned perfectly as Tommy spreads me open, his lips pulling perfectly at my clit, while his tongue licks in between.

Even though everyone is still here, the music pumping and drinks flowing, it wasn't long before he snuck me away to lock us up in this bathroom to have a little fun. He couldn't even wait to get me upstairs, just lead me in here, lifted me up on the vanity and went to work on me. I guess the fact that I hadn't changed out of my costume didn't help either. 

Or maybe it did?

"Fuck baby, you taste... so fuckin' good," He says in between his licks, his fngers spreading me open even further as he continues to suck perfectly, his tongue flicking at just the right moment and it was all I could do to hang on, which wasn't going to be for much longer. 

He then slips a finger inside me, then another, slowly prodding at that perfect spot, like he knew exactly what to do and where to hit and I immediately couldn't take it anymore.

"Tommy I'm gonna cum... I'm gonna... oh my god -"

"Mmmm baby... fuck I love it when you sound like that," He says and I let it out all over, crying out and I could tell he wanted to keep going but instead he quickly pulls away from me, unbuckling and dropping his jeans faster than I've ever seen him, and as i try to catch my breath, I reach out and pull him to me, my lips crashing to his as he pushes himself inside me. 

I inhale sharply against his lips, the feeling of his incredible length and fullness filling me up completely, sending immense shockwaves all over my body.

"You feel so fucking good inside me," I whimper in his ear as his lips move to my jaw, playfully biting and nipping just the way I like it. 

"I fucking love being inside you baby," He moans, his voice deep and husky, his hands still gripping my hips as he begins to thrust harder.

"Yes, harder... fucking harder please," I pant, not realizing the words that just fell from my lips, but jeezus christ he feels so good. 

He then slams his one hand against the mirror beside my head while his other increases his grip on my hip, thrusting over and over, becoming determined and it wasn't long before I could feel that wonderful pressure building inside of me.

"You like that baby? You fuckin' like that?" He says aggressively in my ear and for whatever reason it turned me on even more.

"Tommy?" I whimper.

"Yes baby," He growled in my ear and I couldn't hold back any longer.

"I'm gonna cum again..." I sigh, closing my eyes.

"Oh fuck," He cries and I couldn't help it, I cried out not even caring if anyone heard me. He felt too good to keep it quiet. The intensity of my orgasm reached its peak as I felt myself grip around him. 

He is so fucking perfect, in every single way and I can't believe he's all mine

***

Hours later after everyone had left, I found myself in our bed, my face buried in my pillow with the sheets barely covering me, my straight dark locks strewn across my eyes with the music on the stereo turned way down low, barely audible at best. I groaned for a moment reaching out for Tommy and found that he wasn't there. I lift my head a blink a few times to the dimly lit room, pushing my locks from my eyes. 

"Tommy?" I say sleepily, thinking he might have gone into the washroom but the door was open and the light was turned off. I sit myself up in bed, yawn and stretch for a few moments and glance at the clock on the bedside table that read 4:12am. I then rub my eyes and slide myself out of bed, grabbing one of his loosely fitted sleeveless shirts that was just long enough to barely cover my ass, and lifting my hair out from underneath. I never realized just how long my hair actually was until I straightened it, and I kinda like it this way.

I then make my way out of our room, out into the hallway and down the open staircase to the front door foyer. I see the dim light of the overhead range on the stove coming out of the kitchen and hear a weird buzzing sound. 

Confused, I make my way over to the kitchen doorway and look around to see Tommy on his knees in front of the little stand that his Jagermiester machine was housed on, pouring cold shots of Jager straight from the nozzle into his mouth.

"Um, babe? What are you doing?" I ask, completely confused with a slight giggle. 

He then freezes for a moment like a little child that got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and with a mouthful of Jager says "I thinkkk I dhropped mhy kheys over hhere... sohmwhere... I'm just down hhere on the floor luhhking for them,"

I didn't know whether to laugh or be worried that it's after 4 in the morning and he woke up to have more shots of Jager.

"You're looking for your keys at 4 in the morning?" I say as I look at him in his black boxer briefs and nothing else. 

"Uh huh," He says, then swallows the mouthful of Jager as he looks at me all innocently - as if Tommy could ever look innocent. I smirk at him and walk over, leaning down and placing my palms on either side of his face and place my lips to his forehead

"Happy birthday baby. I'm going back to bed," I say with a giggle, once I pull away and turn and head back out of the kitchen.

Him and his Jager, I swear...

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 26. I’ve Been Around For A Long, Long Year

Holy fuck dudes can you believe this? 

Oh wait, hi, it’s Tommy again… well I guess you probably could tell that anyways. Nevermind. Ok where was I? Oh right, 

We’re fucking married!!!

Alright, I know I’m a little late to the fuckin’ party on that one but there was so much Andi had to get to before she would let me come in here again. She’s a perfectionist that way let me tell ya.

Dude, it feels so fucking amazing to be married to that girl. She’s like, everything I’ve ever wanted in a wife I promise. Now I know you’re all thinking, ‘what the fuck, you’ve been married 3 fuckin’ times Tommy, how’d you just figure this out now?’

Ok to explain this I’m gonna have to go back a few years here, so sorry babe I’m taking over for a little bit. You’re all cool with that right? Awesome, I thought you’d be.

Ok, so my first wife I married when I was just a 19 year old kid and I mean that in every sense of the word. I mean I know most people think I’m still just a kid and most days I still feel that way but in this sense, now looking back, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and I’m definitely not the first one to think that years later. I was in love though and I thought it would last forever. Let’s be honest here, we made it a whole 30 days. I should’ve figured it was a mistake when I introduced her to my parents and, well my mom was shocked to say the least and my dad, well he just looked the other way. 

We were just insane. She was over the top crazy jealous and when we fought, shit you better look out. But that’s what made it all the more hotter I swear, or so I thought at the time. She’d throw anything she could at me when we were in the midst of our fights and there was even a time where she fuckin’ stabbed me in the hand with a butter knife then turned around to finish making her peanut butter sandwhich with it. Like, What. The. Actual. Fuck.

The last straw was when she called my mother a cunt. I don’t remember what started it, but once again we were fighting and she all out called my mother that, and she wouldn’t let it go no matter how many times I told her to stop. No one calls my mother a cunt and I fuckin’ kicked her out like yesterdays trash. After that I swore I was never gonna get married again.

Yea I know

But I did get married again, and I know you know all about Heather so I won't bore you with all that. I’ll only say this, I loved her with everything I had. We had been through a lot together and after a while, we just weren’t on the same path anymore. She wanted to focus on her career and I wanted to start a family and since we wanted different things, it just went all bad from there. 

So I was single guy again, and it was fuckin’ crazy. But I wasn’t single for long, I know I can’t help myself. I started dating Bobbie Brown - you know the chick from the Cherry Pie video? Yea her - and holy fuck that was crazy. She was super sweet and so hilarious and we were crazy about each other. But once again, jealousy is one angry motherfucker when it comes out. Like one minute we couldn’t fucking keep our hands off each other and the next minute we were fighting like animals. We were engaged but I never ended up pulling the trigger. There were just so many odd things that made me second guess her. Her strange mood swings and her paranoia, and then especially since she had me arrested for domestic violence after a big blow up we had. I know, sounds familiar right? 

Cue Pamela 

Now I’m not going to go into all of that here with you, since I did mention some of it earlier and again you guys are probably over the whole thing, I know I am. I feel like you all are screaming at me like “Shit Tommy didn’t you learn anything?” - I know, I know. Fuckin’ trust me dudes I know. You want drama in your life? Marry an actress. I’ve had enough to last me 5 lifetimes over, maybe even more.

After that I was done. Truly done. There was no fuckin way I was gonna do that all over again. After Pamela and I had finally called it quits - after months of us going back and forth missing each other, then fighting, then missing each other and hooking up, and I knew we had to stop but I just wanted us to be a family for our boys - we finally ended all the bullshit. I signed those divorce papers and never looked back. I came to realize that we really just needed to stay friends cause everything else just wasn’t working anymore. 

I stayed single for a long fuckin’ time - I mean I’m not gonna lie, there were a few late night booty calls in there somewhere - but I was free and clear and just didn’t want anything to do with relationships, dating, or like… y’know any of that shit. 

Then Andrea walked into that boardroom and I was done. That’s it, I found her. I found the one and even though I know I said that so many times before, this time I truly meant it. I still have no idea how she is my wife. She absolutely changed everything. It’s like, where the fuck has she been all my life? There is no fuckin’ way this is real. I keep thinkin’ I’m gonna wake up, like it’s all some sort of dream that isn’t really happening. 

Everything she does just blows me away. When I pulled out the titty cam - you guys remember the titty cam don’t ya? I mean how can you forget him? - I wasn’t sure what she was gonna do but I thought I would just play it up, y’know? If she got mad, or embarrassed I knew I was gonna hear about it later, but she totally just jumped right in. In later shows, it was like this competition between us, who could get more girls to flash us? She always won and I mean c’mon who could resist that sweetness she has.

She has opened up so much since we’ve been together and I’m so incredibly proud of her. That photo shoot we did together for that article, fuck dude, she was so fuckin’ gorgeous and those shots came out incredibly beautiful. When she showed me the final photos, I had to frame them right away and I hung them up right in the foyer so that everyone could see just how beautiful she is. 

She takes on so much and being a woman in this business is tough, and that’s comin from a guy who has seen it all. She has definitely seen it all and then some, but she never lets any of that shit get to her.

I mean we’re not all perfect, rainbows and fluffy clouds all the time. We fuckin’ fight just like any couple would. You’ve only seen just a glimpse, but trust me, you do not want to fight with an Irish girl. You will fuckin’ lose bro. 

No, but seriously it’s not to the extent of my previous relationships, she is definitely way more level headed even when she’s angry. I could never see her do anything like what I’ve experienced with my ex’s. She may want to though, cause I know I can be a dick when I want to be haha, but she would like, never carry it out. 

She never lets the business get in the way of us. Even when we’re butting heads about where I’m playing next or, the interviews and press she has set up, and I’m being a little brat about it, not wanting to fuckin’ do any of that shit - only some days though, most days I love it - We’ll definitley argue. But once I’m about to go on that stage, we make up, and she is like, in my corner ready to battle the world with me.

She is an amazing step mother to my boys, and they get so excited to see her everytime I pick those little monkeys up to see them. I swear they love her more than me. I just never thought I would ever find someone like her in a million years.

So, all of this to say, she is everything that I ever wanted in a wife and then some. I honestly didn’t think girls like her existed. Every time I was with a chick they’d be all cool with what I do until after a while they’d try and change me. Andi isn’t like that. She loves me for who I am and I love her for who she is. Music is always going to be my number one no matter what, but Andi is my number one too - er as well - y’know what I mean. She is the first woman to ever understand that. She’s never fighting against it or trying to change me in any way. She’s right up there with me and for that, there aren’t any words to explain my love for her.

Now that I’ve rambled on for the better part of… fuck what time is it? Shit! Ok, gotta go dudes, but I promise I’ll be back. I always am.

See ya!

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 25. Show The World A Brand New Face

San Fernando Valley California, July 20 2002

After the interview was finished and the photo shoot underway, I stand off to the side using my Blackberry to send some emails as usual and glance up every once and a while to see Tommy posing as the camera flashes. 

I remember when I used to go on photo shoots with Soundgarden and just how hilarious it was to see them just play around acting silly while the photographer would capture photos. Then usually what would happen is that they would want to take some photos of Chris just by himself which at first he didn't mind, but once the photographer suggested he take off his shirt, he would get uncomfortable with it. He'd do it anyways but then he would complain to me the entire time about how 'It should be about the music and not what I look like. Who cares if I have a chest?' 

Tommy on the other hand is just having fun with it. He totally plays it up and of course always first and foremost it is about the music, but you can tell he just has so much fun with it.

"Mrs Lee?" one of David's assistants walks over to me

"Um... oh no please call me Andi," I say sweetly with a chuckle.

"Andi, sorry, um... would you want to have some photos taken? I mean you're in the article too, so David was mentioning to me that he would like to take some photos of you, either by yourself or with your husband, or both," She says.

"Me? Uh..." I hesitate and look over at the photo shoot that was still taking place. "Ok sure, maybe... but I didn't exactly wear anything that would be photo shoot material," I add glancing down at myself.

"Oh don't worry, we got you covered, come with me," She smiles and gestures for me to follow her. I glance back at Tommy and I see him subtly wink at me and I shrug, and follow her to the back of the studio, behind a curtain where all of the clothing was stored. 

"So... we have everything you need here. You can choose anything you want. You can even have a few different looks if you want to. Then uh, once you've picked out whatever, you can head over to Molly and she'll do up your makeup and hair," She says.

"Ok, um... thank you," I say nervously. As she walks away, I flip through some of the designer clothes trying to find something that would at least go with what Tommy was wearing. Like not matching him of course, but the same vibe with his jeans and white fitted tank and leather jacket if you know what I mean.  

I decided to stick with my own ripped low rise bootleg cut jeans over my Doc Marten boots with my silver studded belt, and pick out a plain black form fitted tank top, much like I would have at home and change into it. As I pulled it down over me, I half tucked it into the front of my jeans as it was a bit longer than I expected but hugged me perfectly everywhere else and also showed off my cleavage perfectly if I do say so myself. Once I check myself in the floor length mirror that they have set up, I make my way over to get my hair and makeup done.

***

"Ok, hi Andi, I'm glad you decided to take some photos with me" David smiles as he holds the camera in his hand. He just emitted this coolness about him and even though I was so fucking nervous, he did actually make me feel comfortable.

"Uh, sure... but I should say I've never, ever done this before," I tell him shyly, flipping my now dark smoothed waves out of my face. The way Molly did my hair was amazing, I never knew it could look so - well photo shoot worthy.

"No way, come on really?" He smiles at me again.

"Yea really," I giggle.

"Well don't worry, just relax and just have fun alright?  um ok we'll get Tommy to come back over here..." He gestures for Tommy to come over as he empties his camera, hands the roll to one of his assistants, then she hands him a new film roll and he pops it back into the camera. Tommy then appears beside me, leaning into me and placing his lips to my temple whispering "You look so fuckin' hot baby,"

"... and we'll get you two to um.. stand, or really... ok we'll have Tommy sit here and then you can either sit with him or whatever you feel like and we'll take a few shots ok?" David says as he leads us over to an area of the studio beside a large bay window letting as much natural lighting inside with an old vintage type chair. Tommy eagerly sits down and looks up at me, his leather jacket he has long ditched away while David walks back to his position to take our photos.

"C'mon babe, plant that cute ass right here," He smiles that charming smile at me patting his lap and I shake my head at him with a giggle. 

He is such a dork sometimes. 

"Whenever you two are ready, y'know..." David says from behind the camera and I could really feel my anxiousness rising. I timidly sit down on Tommy's lap, feeling completely nervous as he wraps his arms around me.

"You ok baby?" He asks.

"Uh, I don't know," I say nervously as I hear the camera click. I had no idea what to do, I didn't know how to sit, which way to turn or anything. I was so completely out of my element and it was pretty scary.

"Andi, just relax... just be like you two are normally. Pretend I'm not here," David says as he continues to snap pictures.

"How we are normally? Um I don't know, do you want me to piss her off?" Tommy jokes.

"Hey!" I laugh and smack him playfully on his chest and he laughs. 

"That's awesome... ok, Andi maybe if you uh, straddle him like... here," David stops for a moment and comes over to suggest a different way to sit on Tommy's lap and I couldn't help but giggle in nervousness as Tommy looks up at me raising his eyebrow while I change my position and I know exactly what he is thinking. I make myself comfortable trying to hold in my laughter and just as David walks away again Tommy jerks his hips which makes me bounce, then he laughs.

"You are such a 12 year old," I laugh.

"12? This morning I was 2," He smiles and I laugh. 

"Ok, you need to stop making me laugh," I giggle as Tommy laughs again.

As I try to make myself calm, struggling so hard not to laugh, David gives me more direction as to how we should be. Trying to be myself is the hardest thing when someone is watching me. I feel so on the spot. I wish I had a couple of shots of Jack or something so I could relax a little more.

After a few moments, my laughter subsides and Tommy places his hands on my hips. I couldn't help but smirk at him shyly, still completely feeling out of my element.

"It's just me and you baby. Don't even think about the camera. It's just me and you," He says so sweetly looking into my eyes, reaching up and brushing a few waves from my face. I have no idea if it was the words he said or how he looked at me, but I suddenly didn't even hear the camera anymore. 

He glances down over my body as my eyes remain focused on him, then I slowly close my eyes and feel him lean into me, his forehead touching mine and it was like everyone in the room had left and it was only me and him together. I then ever so slightly feel his lips brush mine and it was all I could do to contain myself. I bite my bottom lip to try and stifle the fact that I wanted him so bad as his hands move from my hips, up my sides and around to my back. I place my hands on his chest and I could feel his heart beating and as I move to rest my forearms on his shoulders he pulls me closer, his hands stroking my back feeling so amazing as his forehead still touches mine. 

Then just as I thread my fingers through his locks and brush my lips across his I hear David say "Ok you two, I uh... think we got it," and I flick my eyes open as we pull away from each other and I drop my hands from his hair.

"Holy shit," Tommy breathes.

"Uh yea," I say, still feeling dazed and still in the moment, like he somehow cast a spell over me.

"That was amazing guys, like wow... ok uh Andi, if you still want to do some solo shots which I highly recommend you do, we can do that now," David says.

"Uh ok," I say, still dazed somehow as Tommy and I look at each other, us both wondering what the hell just happened. Tommy and I have like, made out countless times like teenagers before, but somehow that was on a whole other level. 

"Um, are the solo shots going to be part of the um... article?" I ask David as I am still sitting on Tommy's lap feeling him take my left hand and placing sweet kisses to my palm.

"Some of them will be submitted but it's really just for you, just for fun. So... if you want to come over here, we'll uh take some more shots," he says and gestures to an area with a blueish grey backdrop and tons of studio lights. As I am about to lift myself off Tommy's lap, his expression shows that he doesn't want me to go yet and he holds me to him for a few minutes.

"Are you ok?" I ask with a giggle.

"I will be," He says, clearing his throat and continuing to place kisses to the palm of my hand. I then realize what he meant and I smirk.

"Do you have a - ?"

"Shhhh," He hushes me and I giggle.

***

"Do you want me to be over here? Or...?" I ask, feeling my nerves creeping up again as I stand in front of the blue-grey backdrop, with the brightest studio lights pointed at me.

"Whatever you like, you just do whatever and I'll capture it," David smiles at me and for some reason I felt like I couldn't move. It was one thing when Tommy was right here with me but this is really not me at all. 

I've never had the desire to be a model or have my picture taken. Most of the photos that are taken of me were always by friends without me knowing. I never even thought that anyone would want to take photos of me.

"Ok... um... I have no idea what to do," I laugh as I stand gently swaying back and forth with nervousness, and I glance at Tommy who was standing off to the side puffing away on a cigarette.

"Like I said, just do whatever, just be you," David says.

"Just be me... ok. Just be me..." I say quietly as I look down at myself, not knowing where to put my hands. I then hook my thumbs into the loops of my jeans trying to think of how I could 'pose' and I hear the camera begin to take shots of me.

It was like something changed, I was still so nervous but I suddenly started to become comfortable with it. As the camera flashed more shots, I was just me, I didn't try to pose or anything I just let myself feel confident and secure. David would come up really close which would make me laugh and I would glance at Tommy and he just had this incredible smile spread across his face and he would mouth to me 'I fuckin' love you' which would make me laugh and feel so beautiful inside. To think of all I've been through, I finally feel like I am beautiful and strong and right where I'm supposed to be.

***

A few weeks later when I had finally got the proofed photos in the mail, along with the envelope with the magazine inside, I opened it up and pulled out a folder and set it down on my desk, then I pull out the magazine with Tommy on the cover. He looked so freaking cool. 

I quickly flip to the article and see the photos that were taken that day. He looked so handsome and so damn sexy in each of them. It was amazing. There were also 2 photos that were taken of me and him alongside the part of the article with me, us both laughing together on that chair which was so freaking cute. I then set the magazine down and I open up the folder and inside was a note from David Studarus. 

To Mrs Lee,

Here are the photos that I hope find you well, and believe me when I say, you are a definite natural. I hope I have the honor to photograph you again. 

Anytime, Anywhere

-David

I set the note aside and pull out the photos from the folder. It was every single take from that day. The fun ones, the silly ones, the ones of me and Tommy on that chair by the window that captured the pure intense passion and love between us and of course, the ones of just me, the wind blowing through my waves, the light hitting just perfectly, barely recognizing myself. I never knew anyone could see me this way. That I could see myself this way. 

"Babe?" I call out but Tommy of course can't hear me since he is in his studio. "Baby, you gotta see these!" I yell excitedly as I run out of my office to show him.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 24. A Test To See How Much You Can Take

Malibu California, July 20 2002

Sitting at my desk in my home office, I flip through some documents and random papers organizing as much as I can before Tommy and I head into the San Fernando Valley just outside Los Angeles for an interview and photo shoot with Guitar One magazine.  

As I grab the last few papers off my desk, I notice there was a large postal envelope that I have yet to open. I couldn't remember what it was but it was addressed to me so I set the other papers aside, and opened it to see what was inside.

I pulled out a magazine, Harper's Bazzar, which I don't remember ever subscribing to but none-the-less I see Angelina Jolie on the cover, looking as beautiful as ever and as I look over the cover, there is a feature about Chris.

"Chris Cornell, making his way, new band, new life, but how does he keep it all together?...what?" I read it to myself. 

Flipping my curls out of my face, I open the magazine and flip to the section with the article. I find the article which is about 4 pages with photos of him, and I would be lying if I said that he didn't look great, but as I continue to turn each page, there are more photos of him and I suddenly feel like my heart dropped out onto the floor with someone stomping on it to make sure that it was actually dead.

It was Chris with Vicky Karayiannis, the woman he left me for, who he is now apparently engaged to according to this article, the two of them on a white covered bed, looking so in love with sporadic photos around the main full page photo of them playing around in a pillow fight. 

I wanted to scream, I wanted to punch something, or really more like someone. 

"Babe, have you uh, seen my um, studded belt? I can only find this plain leather one..."Tommy says as he appears behind me, and I couldn't take my eyes off the page, feeling the pain and anger bubbling inside me.

"Babe?" I hear his voice again.

"Is it not in the closet hanging up?" I ask and I quickly close the magazine, tossing it down on my desk.

"No,"

"Well did you look?"

"No babe, not at all," He says sarcastically with a chuckle.

"Fuck," I sigh with frustration and turn in my chair, rising from it and step around him to go into our bedroom to find it and he catches my hand.

"Baby hey, what's wrong?" He says his brow furrowing at me.

"Nothing, I'll just go find it for you like I always do," I say, my voice now showing my frustration as I try to pull away from him.

"Hey, what did I do? I'm just asking you a question, and you're giving me attitude," Tommy says defensively, his brow furrowing as he still holds onto my hand.

"Nothing, just let me go and find it ok?" I say looking up at him, trying not to let it show that it still hurts. That even after all this fucking time, the pain still hits me like a mack truck as if it was the first day Chris told me he was leaving me.

Tommy then turns his attention to the magazine that I threw on my desk noticing the title of the article on the front page. He lets go of my hand and picks up the magazine. 

"Tommy," I say as he flips through and sees the 4 page article and those photos.

"Did you buy this or something?" He asks while reading over the article.

"No,"

"Who sent this to you?" He asks, glancing at me.

"I have no idea, it was addressed to me but like, no return address or anything,"

"He totally sent it to you," He says, glancing back at the photos.

"Who Chris? You think Chris sent it to me?" I ask.

"Well, fuck babe, why would this suddenly show up now? This issue is dated May 2002. He totally saw our tabloid magazine bullshit and sent this to you," Tommy says and glances at me.

"I mean... I don't know, like, why would he do that?" I say confused crossing my arms over my chest second guessing everything I thought I knew about Chris.

"To fuckin' hurt you. I know if I was him I would, cause I've been that guy and I can be that guy,"

"Tommy, he's not like that though. He's never been one to throw shit in people's faces like.... He's never been the type to do that," I explain.

"That you know of. Why would he try to convince you that I'm such a bad guy? I'm telling you he's not the same guy that you were married to," 

"Tommy, he was the one who left me. He was the one who didn't want me anymore so why would he still try to hurt me if he didn't want me," I say my voice shaking. I could feel the tears coming and I refused to let them fall.

"Because he doesn't want me to have you. He doesn't want you with anyone else. He's a fuckin' piece of shit and I wish you would see that, especially since he is quoted 'The only reason I was able to end up happy for the first time in my life was because I was awake for it' " Tommy says reading a piece from the article where Chris was asked about his life before he met Vicky and referring to his marriage to me though I am not named in the article, he does mention 'his former manager and ex wife'.

It hurt. It hurt a lot. A lot more than I care to admit. 

"I don't wanna talk about this anymore ok?" I say grabbing the magazine from his hands and tossing back down on my desk then turning but he catches my hand again.

"Babe -?"

"Just let me go find your stupid belt," I pull away from him. 

"What the fuck are you mad at me for?" He says angrily in which I don't exactly blame him for, but I couldn't stop myself and I walk out of my office. 

"Andi?" 

I make my way through the hallway passed his gold and platinum records that hung on the wall, out into the foyer and up the stairs. I head into our bedroom and straight into the walk in closet.

"Baby, will you just fuckin' talk to me?" I hear him as he comes into the bedroom. I search through his side of the closet, in the section where he has all of his belts hanging up on an organizer and find the silver studded one that he was looking for just as he appears in the closet doorway. 

"Here," I say angrily as I take it off the hanger then walk to him, and I hand it to him by pressing it to his chest and just as I try to pass him, he catches my hand again.

"Andrea - " 

"I told you I don't wanna talk about it,"

"Well fuckin' taking it out on me isn't fuckin' fair either!"

"What the fuck do you want me to say Tommy?!" It was like I couldn't stop myself. I was so hurt and angry and I know it's not his fault but I couldn't help it. He stands there looking at me, his brow furrowed and I feel like a fucking asshole that I was even yelling at him. 

"Look, I was just trying to make you fuckin' realize that he's doing that for this exact reaction. To get a rise out of you," He says and I cross my arms over my chest and look down at myself

"I don't want it to hurt. I shouldn't care what the fuck he says about me, and I'm angry at myself that I let him hurt me still," I say still looking down at myself. I couldn't look at him. There is no way I can bear to see that look on his face. Tommy does not deserve to be yelled at by me in this situation. He then reaches out for me, pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around me.

"I'm sorry," I exhale, the warmth of him instantly making me melt.

"Baby, it's ok... you've seen it with me. Pam can really fuck with my head sometimes and it's like we're fighting like animals and at each other's throats. I'd be lying if I said that it didn't hurt, cause it fuckin' does," 

I sigh and try to wrap my head around the fact that, if it was Chris that sent that to me, that is such a fuckin' low blow if I ever saw one. To say that he was only able to end up happy for the first time because he was finally awake for it was so uncalled for. It makes a total mockery of our entire marriage, insinuating that he was never happy with me to begin with. 

"If he was never happy with me, then why the fuck did he ask me to marry him? What the fuck was the point then?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I love you and you make me so fuckin' happy and that I never wanna spend one second of my life without you in it," He says after a few moments, his voice deep and husky, with his lips gently brushing that spot under my earlobe as he speaks.

"Really?" I say, my voice small and even though I do believe him, my insane self doubt just always makes itself known.

He moves his lips from my skin, taking my face in his palms, looking into my eyes for just a moment with that pure intense look of nothing but love for me, then leans down pressing his lips to mine and I couldn't help but instantly suck that bottom lip of his, feeling instant sparks between us like the very first time his lips touched mine. He breaks his lips from me for just a second, crouches down and picks me up which makes me giggle.

"Tommy, what are you doing?"

"Well it sounds like you need me to convince you so..." He says with that charming smile he always gives me and I laugh as he carries me to the bed.

*****

San Fernando Valley California, July 20 2002

We arrived at the Third Encore Studio, settled in the heart of the Valley and I met with the photographer, David Studarus, first as he wanted to discuss with me exactly what the vision is for the photo shoot. It was pretty simple. He wanted to capture Tommy as just himself, since the overall tone of his album is basically just him as he is with no overly flashy glam effects of how he was with Motley Crue and stripped from the over the top Nu Metal like Methods of Mayhem.

As the photographer prepares for the shoot, the interviewer, Lindsay from Guitar One magazine, introduces herself to me and Tommy making some small talk and pleasantries to make it more comfortable. Just before I take my usual stance and sit on the sidelines, out of the way of everyone and everything, She asks me "Do you mind if I ask you a few questions as well, on the record?"

"Um..." I hesitate for a moment looking at Tommy as he takes a drag of his cigarette sitting in an old beaten up chair across from Lindsay. "Really? Me?"

"Fuck yea, why not babe?" Tommy says, exhaling a cloud of smoke and smiles at me.

"Uh ok sure, no I don't mind," I say sweetly and one of the assistants from the magazine runs and grabs me a chair, and I thank them for it as I sit down next to Tommy.

***

*Taken from the point of view of Lyndsey Parker for Guitar One Magazine*

"...Dude, by the time we get to rehearse, it's like, 5 o'clock!" exclaims Tommy Lee. To say he's excited about his new solo project is like saying his infamous former band occasionally got into a bit of harmless mischief. And his little kid enthusiasm is definitely contagious. 

Despite all the scandals that continue to plague him (ex-wives, sex videos, umpteen lawsuits and  arrests, jail sentences and all well publicized tabloid fodder that needs no further elaboration here), there's no denying that the ex-Mötley Crüe drummer is just plain likable. He has that elusive, indefinable X-factor called charisma, and he's got it by the bucketload, which is probably why he's one of the only surviving 80s-metal icons that the public still cares about in 2002. Not even Bon Jovi's most recent VHI friendly singles got added to the playlists of an impressive 50 plus radio stations straight out of the box, which is the case with Lee's new angst anthem, "Hold Me Down."

While there's no doubt that Tommy's a superstar, with (ahem!) looks that kill and a massive presence that sucks all the air out of the room the minute he enters it, he's still such a dude. A dude's dude. Every other syllable out of his perennially grinning mouth is "dude," unless it's "bro," "man," or the ever-popular F-bomb. And yet, somehow he's always interesting, never coming across as the stereotypical brain-dead Bill or Ted that those who watch too many "E! True Hollywood Story" specials might expect. Put simply, when Tommy talks, people can't help but listen. Which is good, because Tommy talks a lot.

Considering his irrefutable star power, Tommy Lee's Dave Grohl-like evolution from skin basher to guitar slinging, centerstage frontman makes perfect sense. After all, the average drummer may be content to hang anonymously in the background, but it was obvious from the Crüe's earliest incarnation that the spotlight hogging Tommy didn't want to be that guy! 

"I always wanted to be up front. Like, I'd be in the back playing the drums, thinking, 'I wanna be up there!' And that's what sorta inspired my crazy drum solo antics. I'd take on the persona of a frontman, a ringleader, and I'd just eat it up!"

He became an official ringleader in 1999 when he left Mötley to front his own group, Methods of Mayhem. "At some point I thought, Man, I gotta do something else, because creatively I am dying. Even if I fall flat on my face, I don't care, because I don't wanna be miserable anymore," he recalls. 

Despite his gonzo attitude (and the little-known fact that he's actually been playing guitar for more than 20 years), it still wasn't an entirely painless transition. 

"I didn't really realize how difficult it would be until I took this on and did the Methods thing," he admits. Luckily, Dave Grohl himself helped boost Tommy's confidence. 

"I remember the Foo Fighters were rehearsing in the studio next to the one I was in, which was so weird considering my wife has known Dave for years but I didn't know it then - anyways I was like, 'Dave, dude, I'm freaking out! This is so much harder than I thought it was going to be. On drums you can get away with hitting the wrong beat somewhere and nobody notices it, but this is a note! If this shit comes out sour, this is not good!' And Dave said, 'Dude, I felt the same way. I freaked out; I had a panic attack several times. But it'll all be fine.' So it was good to hear it from another drummer who was playing guitar and singing that it's really hard. It makes me have a whole lot of respect for the people that do this thing. This shit's hard!" 

But remember, Tommy's a guy who used to make spinning in midair while banging on a habitual drum kit seem like the easiest thing in the world, so on his new, completely self penned solo effort, Never a Dull Moment, he sounds like a born bandleader. It's an album that Tommy's rightfully proud of, enough so to ditch the MOM moniker and release it under his own name. 

"I thought I might still call it Methods of Mayhem at first," he says, "but then my producer was like 'Tommy, why don't you just call it what it is? Bro, you've been in this business making a name for yourself, everybody knows who you are, whether they like you or not. They know who Tommy Lee is! And now you're gonna go under some other name - Methods of Mayhem - What the hell is Methods of Mayhem?' So I thought about it and you know what? It made a lot of sense. So cool, fine whatever. I don't care what we call it as long as it's good."

Of course, Tommy's well aware that he can never escape his name and all the baggage that comes with it.

"We went to Bora Bora back in the beginning of May, and I'm sitting there, I'm chillin; gettin' some sun - my wife, who was my fiance at the time had gone to get another drink -and I'm havin' my little fruity drink with an umbrella in it and out of the corner of my eye, I see this dude walking toward me. And he's carrying The Dirt. He's all, Dude, bro, I had no idea you would be here! I'm on my honeymoon, and I'm reading The Dirt!' And I'm like 'you brought this book on your honeymoon? Are you out of your mind?' He's like, Dude, I can't put it down!' So here we are on the other side of the world, in the middle of nowhere, and here comes a cat with this book about my life! I almost died,"

*** "Wait... when did that happen?" I cut in looking at Tommy with a confused look on my face.

"You went back to that pavillion thing or somethin' to get another drink, and yea... he was cool but just so weird to be reading that on his honeymoon. Like dude where's your wife? Why are not not playing with her instead of reading a book - especially a book - my book - like what the fuck?" Tommy laughs.

"Apparently I was gone for a while, you never told me that," I giggle.

"Yes babe you were, I had to go find you remember?" He says then turns to Lindsay "She was so fuckin' cute, she was talking to  this couple  who like recognized her and somehow tequila shots got involved - "

"Oh yea, ok... yea they were like insane Soundgarden fans and I don't really remember much after that... but uh, we don't need to get into that though," I say and Tommy and Lindsay laugh.***

Speaking of his wife, the adorably sweet Andrea O'Riden Lee - Andi as everyone calls her - was signed on as Tommy's management back in January after a fallout with his manager over certain financial discrepancies. Andi, in integral part of the Seattle grunge scene and former manager of such bands as Alice In Chains, Nirvana early on in their career well before they changed the musical landscape with 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' but mostly well known for managing Soundgarden and taking them to their success (which was catapulted after their extremely successful tour with Guns N' Roses in '91/'92) has also worked with such bands as Type O Negative and Pantera and just signed to work with Darrell 'Dimebag' Abbott and his brother Vinny Paul formerly of Pantera with their new project Damageplan.

"Oh she got me dude. I fell hard," Tommy beams "I knew she was the one the second I laid eyes on her. I had no idea she was so well known among the Seattle scene, like, when we started talking, I was like 'dude there's no way like how did we never cross paths before?' it just so happened that we always ended up missing each other by like, this much. Like, when she toured with Type O and Pantera, that was right after they toured with us (Motley Crue) Dude, there's been so many instances where she and I should've met before but it just never happened," 

When asked how she met Tommy, her eyes lit up instantly "Oh my god I was nervous, it was the first time in a long while that I was called to take on a new client and I wasn't told who it was at first, it was just a PR guy that said there was a last minute change and they needed someone to take over right away. So when I met him face to face, I was a nervous wreck. But, he was so sweet and so charming and like, so pursuant of me which I never experienced before. Like just dead set on me, and wouldn't give up. I fell so hard for him too, like right away," 

When gathering what she thinks of the entire situation and scandals surrounding him 24/7 she says "He is so sweet though, like not how everyone says he is. He's the love of my life. He's not perfect, I know I'm definitely not. But I mean, they really do paint him as this like, bad boy that has all these lawsuits, scandals and how many times he's been arrested, blah blah blah. I can tell you right now, whatever you think he is, he's like the opposite,"

The pair married early in July, a spontaneous destination wedding that the tabloids obviously had a field day with. As the former wife of Chris Cornell - of who was the frontman of Soundgarden and has now gone on to his own solo adventures - it certainly made for a spotlight she doesn't necessarily wish for. "It's definitely a culture shock I'll say that," She chuckles. "I mean, I come from a part of the music scene where that stuff didn't happen. You didn't see yourself plastered across the page of the National Inquirer because of where you went to eat, or who you were meeting up with, who you were getting married to. Like, that just wasn't a thing. We were all such a tight knit family that looked out for each other and supported each other. Now here I am thrusted into the spotlight which is not all bad but it's definitely not something I'm used to" 

There's no denying just how much she and Tommy have impeccable chemistry. Their love for each other just radiates between them. Seemingly the total opposite in terms of just how quiet and shy she is, and Tommy - the obviously outgoing, life of the party, hyper with impulsive tendencies - but that is quickly overshadowed by her sensual, witty yet humble personality, it's no wonder Tommy fell for her. She is definitely his perfect match. 

Now, as he carries on with the next phase of his career, he's hoping his new disc will refocus the public's attention away from his albeit media struggles "That'd be nice, because all that other shit is just so 2000!" he gripes. "It's just old, man. Turn the page already, kids."

Never a Dull Moment definitely represents a new page-actually, a whole new chapter in the never-ending Tommy Lee saga. Free of the hip-hop gimmickry (including rapping sidekickTiLo) that made Methods' self-titled album a (re) mixed bag, Never a Dull Moment boasts plenty of fist pumpers that'll sound quite bitchin cranked up to 11 at a frat party or WWE

Composing the 11 original tunes on the album along with, as Lee puts it, "lots of therapy and anger-management classes!" constituted a healing process of sorts for the notoriously troubled musician. "I started writing as soon as I got home from Ozzfest with Methods. I took my recording studio off the bus, stuck it back in my home, and locked the doors! I didn't come out for, like, months!" he recalls. "I sat in there and wrote and wrote and wrote. just wanted to be truthful to myself and write lyrics about real experiences that I, and others, might have had. It's not necessarily all personal, it was just me saying 'Someone's really gotta write about this, because this happens to everybody'"

Tommy's experience penning one love lost lament on the album, "Blue" (which features guest vocals from Incubus' Brandon Boyd) Illustrates just how inspired he was during this prolific period. "I wrote 'Blue' on a Gibson Chet Atkins guitar," he begins. "They sent one to me and I didn't really have any sort of an electric/acoustic-sounding guitar that I could play with and I pulled it out of the box, and it sounded gorgeous! I swear to God, I was playing that guitar and within five minutes I was like, 'Omigod, omigod, what's that? I gotta record this really quick!' I plugged it in, and that was 'Blue.' Like that. I wrote it in five minutes, just inspired by the sound of this guitar."

However, Tommy says his drumming background still rubs off in his percussive style of rhythm guitar playing on the new record. "There's a song called Body Architects,' and it's done with a momentary switching box that the guys from Methods of Mayhem and the Crystal Method turned me on to. It's a switch put on the guitar that you slap and it turns the guitar on and off. It's basically like I'm playing drums on the guitar, like, 'Ch-ch-bwurn-buh-bwurn-buh. bwurn-buh-buh-buh," he enthuses, mimicking the tune's rumbling, raunchy riff, "It's really percussive!"

The resulting album is the kind of sensitive-but-strong fare that can more than hold its own alongside your Nickelbacks, your Linkin Parks, and your Stainds. If anything, it's more credible. After living through two decades of decadence, Lee's one tortured artist who's earned the right to publicly sing about his suffering. And it's sure to throw more than a few naysayers for a loop.

"I am still trying to figure everything out though," Tommy sighs as he discusses his current touring  plans. "It gets a little hairy. I'm such a little bitch about sounds. I'm a Libra, so I'm a perfectionist which my wife can definitely attest to. I sit there going over every little detail. I do know that every guitar part, every effect, every drumbeat, every vocal line and bass line, is gonna sound dope. We've locked this room down for two months, so by the time this thing is ready to roll out, it'll sound awesome! But it takes a lot of work. I'm pullin' my hair out!' But there's just the four of us now, instead of another rapper and a DJ and-whoa, it was getting crazy there for a while..."  And it'll be a far cry from Mötley's million-dollar arena extravaganzas. "Sorry guys, no airborne drum risers this time." 

And while Tommy humbly insists that "when the place is full of people, it doesn't really matter where you're playing. When you look out into the crowd, it could be the House of Blues, or it could be some arena, it's all the same, he admits that he sometimes misses those heady, hedonistic stadium days of yore. "The only thing that's frustrating is, I've been a part of putting on the biggest spectacles in the world, and that's hard to do when you need to sell out an arena to put on that kind of show," he explains. "So I'm working my ass off to get back there, 'cause I got a few more ideas that I've always wanted to do, and they're killing me inside! I've just got to do them! And I will do them. A couple years from now, we'll be sittin' here and I'll say, 'See? I told you I'd do it!'" 

As if anyone ever doubted him in the first place.

*************************************************

A/N: *Excerpts taken from the July 2002 issue of Guitar One magazine*

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 23. Same Ol’ Situation

*Warning!* *Sexual Content Ahead!*

Athens Greece, July 7 2002

As the morning sun shines through the large bay window of our hotel room, I slowly open my eyes, blinking them a few times, and look beside me to see Tommy laying on his stomach, still sleeping soundly, facing me with his hair strewn across his eyes. I can see the slow rise and fall of his breathing, and the bedsheet barely covering him. He is so adorable sleeping and I can't believe that I get to wake up next to him like this for the rest of my life.

He suddenly flicks his eyes open and blinks a few times, furrowing his brow for a second and groans.

"Hey you," I say quietly and snuggle further into my pillow, holding the sheets close to me covering my chest.

"Morning beautiful," He mumbles into the pillow which makes me giggle. He then stretches so adorably with a yawn, turns himself over onto his back and glances at the clock on the bedside table, then lays his head back down and closes his eyes for a moment, then glances at me and turns to reach out brushing my curls from my eyes and places his palm on my cheek, his thumb brushing across my bottom lip.

"Fuck I love you," He says, his voice deep and husky.

"I love you," I sigh, closing my eyes, relishing in the warmth of his hand on my cheek.

"Did we actually really just get married?" I say after a few moments, glancing at him, his dark eyes still studying me.

"Hmmm, let me check," He says and takes my left hand, examining the white gold wedding band next to my engagement ring on my finger, then glances at his left hand with the matching wedding band on his. "Yep, looks like it," He says and I laugh as he places his lips to the back of my hand with soft sweet kisses. 

"Your mom's gonna be so mad," I giggle.

"No she wont. Well... maybe a little. But she won't be mad at you. She'll probably just yell at me... in Greek... which she only does when she's really mad at me. You know what, you should tell her," Tommy says.

"Tommy no way, she's your mother," I laugh.

"And now she's yours," He chuckles.

"Tommy!" I laugh and playfully smack his chest.

Then he swiftly pulls down the sheet from my grasp making me yelp with more laughter and surprise, but then I quickly calm down as he softly cups my breast in his palm, and places his lips to my nipple gently brushing his lips across, then sucking and flicking with his tongue. I sharply inhale as I lace my fingers through his thick locks and arch my back as he takes me in his arms.  

"I don't ever... want to leave... this bed," I say, closing my eyes and feeling his lips brush my skin, turning his attention to my other nipple.

" And I'm never gonna let you... leave this bed," He says, his voice deep and husky. He then moves his hand over my hip, down to my thigh, gently coaxing me to open for him. He then instantly finds my clit, let out a stifled moan as his fingers softly play, slowly and teasingly, making perfect circular motions at just the right pace and I couldn't help but move my hips in response.

"Oh my god," I whisper as his lips move back to my nipple sucking and flicking just like before and I feel him slide one finger inside me, then another, hitting that perfect spot inside me. He then moves away from my nipple and I can feel his eyes on me, watching me as I writhe beneath his touch.

"Fuck, you are so fucking perfect baby," 

"Tommy?" I sigh.

"Yes baby?"

"I'm so fucking close," I whine, my eyes still closed and trying so hard to not let myself cum too quickly, but I could already feel the pressure building, begging to be released.

"No baby, not yet," He says and I feel him move his fingers from me, and in the next second his lips were on my clit. He then begins to suck, pulling perfectly, flicking his tongue as I let out another moan, gripping the bed sheets, driving me absolutely crazy. 

"Fuck that feels so fucking good," I sigh and he moans against me, slipping his fingers  inside me tonce more, playing and hitting the perfect spot. 

I will never understand just how he always knows the right spot to hit, and the perfect rhythm to keep pace, how long to hold on and when to let go without me ever telling him how.

"Tommy, I'm gonna cum," I whimper and he moans against me as I feel that familiar yet wonderful pressure building and building inside of me again.

"Scream it baby," He says, stopping for just a second making me gasp then returning to my clit keeping that same perfect pace and I couldn't hold on anymore. I feel myself explode, the incredible sensation taking over my entire being, like I was instantly transported to another time. 

Before I have a chance to say anything else, he moves overtop of me, the tip of him teasing my clit and all I wanted was him inside me. 

"I love you so fuckin' much baby," He says, as he hovers over me and without wasting any time, I wrap my legs around him and position myself perfectly and he pushes himself inside me. 

He slowly starts to thrust gently but firmly as I arch my back to him, adjusting to his incredible size, filling me up completely. Then he begins to pick up the pace, his eyes locked onto me the entire time. I watch him as he moves inside me, so sensually and lovingly. I place my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beating, moving my hips matching his pace, then I move my hand up to his cheek, feeling his slight stubble and he turns, placing sweet kisses to the palm of my hand.  

"I fucking... love... you. I fucking love how you feel inside me," I say in between his thrusts arching my back to him, my thumb brushing his perfect bottom lip and he flicks his beautiful dark eyes back to me and I knew I couldn't hold on anymore. 

He then places his lips to my throat as my fingers lace through his locks and I squeeze him with each thrust wanting this to never end, wanting us to be as one forever. 

"I'm gonna cum again," I sigh, feeling that wonderful sensation building again.

"Oh shit," He breathes as I move my hips to his rhythm, matching each spot he hits and once I could feel him become tense, I knew he was about to let it go. 

"I'm gonna cum baby, holy shit -"

"Yes baby, cum with me," I plead as I look up at him and with those words, we cry out together as he thrusts a few more times releasing everything inside me. He then collapses down onto me and I wrap my arms around him, feeling like I'm clinging onto him as if my life depended on it as he wraps his arms around me at the same time holding me tighter. We both pant trying to catch our breaths feeling the intensity between us still. 

After a few moments, our breathing returning to normal, he then lifts his head placing his palms on either side of my face and his gorgeous dark eyes look intensely into mine. It was almost like I wanted to look away. I immediately felt vulnerable and for as many times as we had made love, I hadn't realized until now that everything has changed. I have never been more in love with him than I am right now and I can't believe that I get to spend the rest of my life with him.

He then brushes his lips across mine, so softly and so gently and I couldn't help myself. I press my lips to his, quickly becoming intense, sucking on his bottom lip, feeling so safe with him. Like I'm home.

I'm finally home.

***********

Athens Greece, July 10 2002

It had been an amazing few days just being wrapped up in him after we spontaneously decided to get married right here in Athens. I swear Tommy and I haven't left that bed in 2 straight days. Ok, well that's not exactly true but it felt so good to shut the world away and be wrapped up with him even if it was just for a little while. Now it was time to get back to reality.  Wearing his black Anthrax band shirt and ripped jeans, he holds me in his arms, placing  his lips on mine, giving me a few quick kisses, making me giggle against his lips, distracting me as I try to pack the last of our luggage. He makes it so difficult sometimes. 

"Ok, I'll go check on Lizzy and see if she's ready, I think check out time is like pretty much now," I say in between his kisses as he still holds me to him. He groans again reluctantly letting me go from his embrace and I adjust my plain black fitted tank top over my ripped light wash jeans, but as soon as I turn to check our suitcases to make sure we had everything packed, he turns me back around to face him, placing his palms on either side of my face and presses his lips to mine again.

"Tommy," I laugh in between his kisses.

"I'm sorry baby, I can't help it," He says, his voice deep and husky and I want him to take me and make love to me all over again in that bed. He then touches his forehead to mine just to hold me for a few more minutes as I close my eyes breathing him in.

Fucking Jeezus Christ he smells so fucking good.

"...oh and uh, I called mom and told her," He says quietly but quickly and I flick my eyes open.

"Tommy," I say flatly.

"Well, you told me to tell her," He says.

"Yea but like, not over the phone. Jeezus, that's kinda something you would wanna tell someone - especially your mother - in person," 

"I know, but see this way, she can't get that mad at me cause I'm not standing in front of her," Tommy says with a charming smile, trying to be slick but I wasn't falling for it.

"She yelled at you didn't she?" I say flatly.

"Oh yea," He says with that same charming smile.

"Tommy.... The last thing I want is her to be angry. Now it just looks like we just ran off to get married," I say and pull away from him.

"Baby it's fine, she's fine. It's ok. She's not mad at you. We just have to see her once we get home and yea... I might have to grovel but it's totally fine babe," He says hopefully and I shake my head and smirk. I guess it really isn't that bad, but I still think we should've told her together in person.

"Ok, well then can you go see if Lizzy's ready?" I ask. 

"Well I guess so since you asked me so nicely," He raises his eyebrow at me and I lift myself up to place my lips on his. He is really fucking cute when he gives me that look. I turn around again to check our suitcases and he gives me a playful smack on my ass as he walks by making me jump and yelp in laughter at the same time. 

Once he walks out of the room and zip up my suitcase, I hear him mumble something about how he can't find his lighter and a few moments later I hear a cry of surprise and what sounded like embarrassment.

"Oh shit!" I hear Tommy yell.

Concerned, I run to the door confused that I didn't see him in the living area until I hear him say,

"Hell yea dude!"

I make my over to the bedroom door on the other side of the room and see Lizzy with Nikki on the small sofa in the room trying to cover herself with one of the couch cushions as Nikki scrambles for one himself holding his... um... well - 

"Fuck yea!" Tommy exclaims with excitement as Nikki finally finds a book to shield himself with and Lizzy with her face in her palm not wanting to look at us at all.

"Hey guys," Nikki chuckles and offers that smile that he does when he knows he got caught.

"Fuck, this is awesome dude," Tommy smiles 

"Tommy," I say, trying to get his attention so I grab his hand trying to pull him back into the room.

"No seriously - "

"Let's just, give them some time to um... get themselves together maybe..." I say and I pull him back into the room with me. "I'm sorry Lizzy," I say dragging Tommy with me through the living area back to our bedroom, closing  the door and leaning against it while I look up at Tommy.

"What?" Tommy smiles at me.

It was like all of the memories I had of every time I was caught right in the middle came flooding back to me.

"You walked in on them?" I whisper.

"I didn't mean to, I couldn't find my lighter so I figured Nikki had one," He says.

"I know but like, you just stood there," I whisper.

"Babe trust me I've seen Nikki more times than I care to admit, he doesn't give a shit,"

"But Lizzy," I whisper again.

"Babe why are you whispering?" Tommy says, giving me a confused look.

"Finally it wasn't me," I say, realizing now just how funny it was.

"What?" Tommy chuckles.

"It wasn't me. For once it wasn't me this time," I laugh and he still looks at me confused.

"Do you know how many times someone has walked in on me while I was... y'know? It's finally not me this time! Oh my god I'm so mean," I laugh and he does too.

I then turn around and open the door stepping out into the lounge area seeing Lizzy adjusting her black fitted v-neck t-shirt over her jeans and she glances at me pushing her red waves behind her ear and shrugs.

"Are you ok?" I ask, secretly wanting to gloat about the fact that it wasn't me this time.

"Yea, pffft... it happens," She says modestly then starts to laugh and I step over to her and start laughing with her.

"So does this mean you and Nikki are...?" I ask.

"Oh, no... no, well... no... I don't know, maybe," She says and we both start laughing again.

Nikki then steps out of his room with his suitcase and Lizzy glances at him and they both give each other a small smile. 

Oh they are definitely a thing now.

*****

We said goodbye to Lizzy at the airport since she was taking a separate flight back home, and Nikki decided to stay with her until her flight was boarding. It was so sweet to see them together. I knew something was happening between them since the night of our wedding when they seemed to disappear together. 

Tommy and I made our flight just in time and once we arrived in Los Angeles I couldn't wait to get back home and sleep. I've never been able to sleep on a plane, or a bus, or anything that's moving.

"Fuck I can't fucking wait to faceplant into my pillow, I'm so fucking exhausted," I say as Tommy and I make our way through the airport lobby, his hand in mine as we roll our luggage behind us. 

"I'm right there with you baby, just Pfft... I'm hitting that pillow so hard. I know I'm gonna sleep for a while," He says. 

As we approached the west end exit to the airport, there were a few photographers taking some photos of us from behind the gate. The constant flashing made me nervous as even still, I am not used to this happening randomly when someone somehow tips the paparazzi off to where Tommy is. I was really not in the mood to deal with it. 

"Tommy! Hey Tommy! Congrats! What made you decide to get married so quickly?" One of them yelled at us and I was so confused for a second. 

"How do they already know?" I ask looking up at Tommy as we stop just before the gate. He shrugs and then glances over at the little concession stand in the terminal before the gate.

"Well, I think there's your answer," Tommy says and I look in the direction of where he gestured and see a few magazines that read the headline 'Tommy Lee in Wedded Bliss'  and 'Tommy Lee marries in Secret Ceremony'

"What the fuck?" I say as I move closer to the news stand. I let go of my suitcase and grabbed one of the magazines, opening it and flipping through. Once I found the article, I saw some photos taken of us just 3 days before in what looks like the beach that we were on in Athens, and I could have sworn there was no one on that beach, but the photos were taken from so far away and clearly zoomed in on us. 

"How?" I ask more to myself than Tommy or anyone else. 

"I have no idea babe," He says. It felt weird. It felt like they took away my ability to tell people myself. It wasn't a secret, it was just a spur of the moment type thing. 

"C'mon," He says and I put the magazine back on the rack and he takes my hand and we head out of the airport.

*****

A little while later we arrived back at our home. It was exactly the same as we left it but it now felt like it had changed. It felt like I wasn't just his girlfriend living with him anymore. It felt real, it felt solid and safe. We've only been married no more than 72 hours and I already loved being his wife. Like it was meant to be.

I was incredibly exhausted though and I needed to sleep in our own bed. Tommy had to make a couple of calls and I was just not wanting to deal with anyone right now so I made my way upstairs, decided to take a shower and once I was finished, I climbed into our bed underneath the covers relishing in the soft silky pillow and closed my eyes. 

A few minutes later I hear Tommy come into the room, heading straight into the bathroom and I hear him start the water for a shower. Once he was finished, I felt him slide in under the covers beside me and his fingers brush a few curls from my face. I flutter my eyes open to see him place his lips to my forehead, then he pulls away to prop his head on his hand leaning on his elbow, his scent so fresh and clean from the shower, his dark locks still damp and his eyes looking so lovingly into mine.

"Did you let the boys know we're home?" I ask.

"Uh huh,"

"They're coming over Sunday right?" I ask with a yawn. 

"Yes baby, you will get to see them Sunday," He chuckles.

"Don't judge me, I love them. I can't help it" I giggle. 

"I know you do, baby. Sometimes I think you love them more than me," He chuckles. 

"No way. I mean, Brandon is just exactly like you so...  and Dylie is such a cutie. Ok maybe just a little," I joke.

"Hey," Tommy says and we laugh. 

Once our laughter calmed, I fell silent again, thinking about how I'm supposed to handle all the press that's about to stir and how everyone is going to react to the news of Tommy and I. 

"You ok baby?" He asks, his voice deep and husky and I shrug. 

"Don't make me say it," He chuckles and I giggle.

"I'm ok... just.." I hesitate for a moment, then continue " I don't know if I can get used to the magazine - tabloid stuff. I just feel like they stole my happiness out of it or something, like they stole my chance to tell the world... I don't know if that makes any sense,"

"It does, and trust me I've never gotten used to it. I still hate it and it's way less intense than it used to be. I know it's hard, but... you just have to not pay attention to them - it. Don't let them take it away from you cause that's exactly what they want,"

"I know," I say quietly and look down at myself for a moment.

"It's not a deal breaker for you is it?" Tommy asks.

"Yes, Tommy that's it, I want a divorce," I joke sarcastically and he laughs.

Once our laughter had calmed down, I moved closer to him resting my head against his chest, his smooth skin feeling so warm and soft against my cheek, hearing his strong heart beating. I feel his fingers lace through my curls, stroking my roots so soothingly, placing his lips to the top of my head and inhaling, breathing me in so deep. 

"So... no regrets?" He asks, hearing his voice booming inside his chest.

"No regrets," I sigh and as he softly continues to stroke my roots I slowly fall into a much needed deep sleep wrapped up in his arms.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 22. I’ll Have No Other Girl, I Only Need Your Love

Athens Greece, July 6 2002

We were finally able to get a small break since we had been doing nothing but traveling on a bus since May, so what better way to take a break by traveling? - no but seriously - we just wanted a chance to relax and have fun in the sun with some drinks and not worry about when the next show is or the next press interview is scheduled. Sometimes you just need a break from the constant grind of the road.

I wanted to go somewhere I had never been before. Tommy mentioned that it had been years since he was able to visit his birthplace, Athens Greece so we made a plan to take a trip, but of course I needed to share the experience with my bestest friend. I asked Lizzy to come along so that we can have some much needed girl time since I've been travelling with a bunch of boys for the last 2 months, and Tommy was also able to get Nikki to come along too. 

For some reason, I cannot picture Nikki, living it up in the sun, drink in hand, you know the whole bit. Nikki, who had spent much of his teenage years in Seattle before moving to Hollywood, seems so dark and brooding with that slight hint of snottines that only he can have does not seem like the type of guy who would want to have fun in the sun, but what do I know? Even I need to take a break from the darkness inside of me. 

We had booked adjacent hotel rooms that connected together to a common lounge/living and kitchen and bar area. Lizzy and Nikki each have their own room on one side and Tommy and I have our room on the opposite side.

"Andi this is beautiful, I can't believe I'm here in Greece like, what?" Lizzy says, wearing an olive green retro 50's pin up girl style 2 piece with a flowy flower print wrap tied perfectly at her waist, her gorgeous red waves cascading behind her as we stand on the balcony looking over the incredible crystal clear blue waters of the mediterranean.

"I know, me either," I say, feeling the cool breeze on my skin and gently moving through my dark curls. I was wearing a black string bikini, with a black fitted mini strapless dress over it since I felt so self conscious that I even decided to wear a bikini in the first place, but when I saw it in the store just hanging there looking at me, I wanted to see what I would look like in one. Once I got it home and tried it on, it felt like everything was just out there, but when I looked in the mirror, I actually thought I looked pretty sexy, and that's totally not me at all. Tommy hasn't even seen it on me yet and I feel like he's gonna die once he does.

***Damn baby, you know I would die a happy man too- fuck, sorry guys, anyways where was she?***

"Can I ask you something?" Lizzy says.

"Sure," I say, taking a sip of my Jack and Coke. I almost feel out of place drinking this here. I feel like I should have a fancy drink or some delicate wine, but of course I can't get away from that Jack Daniels. 

"How did you know you wanted to marry Tommy?"

"Uh, well..." I trail off and think about it for a moment. "I don't know, I just did. It was like, when he asked me, I couldn't think about anything else but saying yes. Why?" 

"Peter had asked me, before we broke up. He asked me to marry him and I couldn't say it," She says and glances down at herself, then out at the water.

"Oh my god Lizzy why didn't you tell me?" I say surprised. I always thought Peter would ask her someday with just how intense he felt about her, and before I knew what they were going through I would've placed any bet that Lizzy would've said yes.

"I didn't think it was important, I mean I turned him down sort of,"

"What do you mean, sort of?" I ask.

"Well I didn't really say 'no' but I didn't exactly say 'yes'. I hesitated, and he got impatient like he usually does and demanded an answer but I couldn't give him one and it turned into this big fight..." She explains and glances out over the balcony.

"Would you marry him, if he asked you now?" I ask after a few moments.

"I don't know, we've been broken up for a while now so... I have no idea. I mean I still miss him sometimes, but..." She trails off.

"Oh Lizzy," I say. I completely feel for her. I know exactly that feeling, and how the pain still felt fresh, like it would never go away.

"I'm fine, really. I just need a good distraction y'know?" She says.

"I know exactly what you mean," I say with a smirk raising my eyebrow and Lizzy glances back to see Nikki walking through the lounge area, his jet black hair spiky and everywhere, but a lot tamer than usual, wearing a fitted black tank top showing off his impressive tattoos, black baggy shorts and black and white Chuck Taylors. I'm so glad I'm not the only one all in black. 

Lizzy then looks back at me and playfully smacks me on my arm and I laugh and take another sip of my Jack and Coke.

"Hellooo ladies," Nikki says sweetly with a smile, sliding open the balcony doors, his tall frame stepping through. 

"Hi," I smile as Nikki steps over to me for a hug and we embrace each other. "Did you just get in?" I ask once we pull away from each other.

"Yea, well more like around 2 this morning, then it took a bit to fall asleep but, I'm awake now... sort of," He says and I giggle. 

"Hey you," He says sweetly to Lizzy and steps towards her to embrace her in a hug.

"Hi," she giggles with a huge smile and he holds her for a few moments, whispering something in her ear but I couldn't hear it at all, then places a kiss on her cheek. 

"Fuck where's T-bone?" He asks once he pulls away from Lizzy and turns back to face me.

"I think he's still getting ready, I'll go check, " I say setting down my drink and open up the sliding doors and step through.

"I can't smoke in here can I?" Nikki asks half stepping through the doors.

"No, balcony only," I say and Nikki gives a nod and slides the doors shut as I make my way through to our hotel room leaving Nikki and Lizzy outside on the balcony.

"Baby?" I ask when I open the door to our hotel room and take a few steps to see him stepping out of the bathroom wearing red baggy shorts with black zippered pockets, a silver studded belt and nothing else, his tall self looking so incredibly gorgeous, that he takes my breath away each time I see him. 

"Hey baby," He smiles that charming smile walking over to me and taking me in his arms, leaning down and placing his lips on mine. He lingers for a few seconds, then places a few quick kisses to my lips, then kisses me full on once more, his hands moving to my hips, then to my ass and lower still while his fingers find the bottom of my dress, lifting it up ever so slightly.

"Tommy," I giggle when his lips move to my neck.

"C'mon baby, let me see. I am the designated bikini inspector," He says so slyly.

"Just because you have a shirt that says that does not make it an actual thing," I giggle. He then lifts his head from me and gives me those dark adorable puppy eyes and a pout and I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Not even just a peak?" He asks, then pouts again and of course I couldn't say 'no' to that face.

"Ok..." I say reluctantly and step away from him and pull up my dress, feeling somewhat nervous for him to see me. Once I pull it up over my head, my curls falling down around and passed my shoulders, I look down at myself for a moment checking to make sure everything still covered as much as you can in a bikini anyways, then fix my dress so that it's right side out and glance at myself in the mirror, examining myself and turning to make sure the bikini bottoms were in the right spot.

"I still think it's like, maybe too much... but then I kinda like it too?" I say questioning myself again and when I look back up at Tommy it was like his jaw had hit the floor and his eyes were practically bugging out of his head. Ok maybe not so much like that but  - 

***Ok sorry to cut in here again babe but holy fuckin' Jesus Christ. No you were right, my jaw did hit the floor. It hit the floor and rolled all the way out the door. It was such a beautiful sight to see those perfect natural full breasts of yours in that little string bikini top and those hips, your ass, your entire body, just absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to untie it with my teeth and just - ooops sorry guys, ok back to um... ehem, wait, where was she again?***

"Fuck," Tommy sighs.

"It's too much right?" I ask worriedly.

"Nuh uh," He says, his eyes wandering over my body, looking like he was about to eat me right there on the spot. He then takes me back in his arms and his lips are instantly on mine again and I giggle against him, reaching up and placing my palms on either side of his face, holding him to me for just a few moments before pulling away from him.

"Ok c'mon, you wouldn't stop talking last night about what you had planned for us today so..." I say placing my hands on his bare chest with his arms still around me and he groans.

"I know, but fuck baby look at you, can you blame me?" He says.

"I guess not," I bite my bottom lip and just as he leans in for another, I turn in his arms and he groans as I quickly put my dress back on then take his hand leading him out of our room.

Once out in the lounge, I see Lizzy and Nikki on the balcony, talking and laughing, with Nikki just flirting with her the entire time.

"I think Nikki is really liking Lizzy so far," I say to Tommy as he pulls his white fitted tank top over his head that he grabbed from our room.

"Are you kidding? He like, won't shut up about her," He says adjusting his shirt.

"Really?" 

"Yea, when I asked him to come along and hang out,  he was like 'is Andi bringin' Lizzy?'" Tommy says in a mocking tone.

"Awe, really? That's so sweet," I say as I watch them out on the balcony.

He then touches the small of my back, his hand sliding to my ass once again and giving it a squeeze which makes me giggle. He then leans in and places his lips to my temple, before making his way out onto the balcony for a smoke as I follow. 

"Hey fucker!" Tommy says as he steps out onto the balcony.

" What's up man?" Nikki turns and smiles at him and they embrace each other in a brotherly embrace.

"Nothin', what time d'ya get in last night?" Tommy says and lights up a cigarette once they pull away from each other. 

"Fuck like 2 I think... something like that," He says.

As they continue on catching up, Lizzy and I begin to chat, moving just out of reach of the boys hearing us. I asked her what she and Nikki were talking about and the biggest smile spread across her face. She tells me they were pretty much just talking about anything and everything and getting to know each other. They really didn't have a chance to talk much at the engagement party because of what happened, and Nikki apparently forgot to get her number. This time she tells me it was the first thing he asked when I stepped out to go and get Tommy, and he like, put it right in his cell phone. It's so sweet to see them together. I know she's still hung up on Peter but I really think Nikki will help her not miss him so much if you know what I mean. 

We eventually get ourselves ready and head out for the afternoon, with Tommy taking us to first revisit his old little neighborhood where he lived for the first 3 years of his life. After getting out of the little cab we all took a walk around and it was so cool to see just how everything the same as it ever was from years and years ago. It was a quiet little spot with a ton of family homes now. There were a few people looking at us strangely, particularly Tommy and Nikki since, well in this part of the world, locals are definitely not used to seeing tattooed rock stars unless they're on tour.

I asked Tommy if he remembers what it was like here, playing with the neighborhood kids, and he says he doesn't really remember a lot but remembers his mother yelling at him in Greek if he was in trouble or wouldn't listen to come back inside and not understanding a word of what she was saying. 

Later on we grab some food and a few more drinks, then for some weird reason Lizzy and Nikki decide to take off by themselves for a little while. I mean sure, if they want to be alone, of course that's so awesome for Lizzy, it was just so weird and out of the blue though and they made it seem awkward like they were trying to hide something but maybe I'm reading way too much into it. 

Tommy then takes me down to a little beach area, taking our shoes off and taking a walk along the water. The sand in between my toes felt so good as the late afternoon sun shines on us, reflecting off the water making it seem so clear and so blue like I had never seen before. There was no one else around but just the two of us, him holding my hand, and bringing it to his lips to place sweet kisses on the back of my hand. I swear this had to be the most perfect moment and I wish there was a way that I could remember this forever. 

"Do you have any idea how much I love you?" He says in between his kisses.

"No," I say with a sly smile looking up at him and he just shakes his head at me and then laughs pulling me into him, placing his palms on either side of my face and pressing his lips to mine. I couldn't have asked for a better place to be than right here in his arms. He then parts his lips from me touching his forehead to mine as the small gentle waves wash up covering our feet

"You're so fucking perfect for me baby. I honestly can't even imagine my life without you in it," He says. 

"Tommy," I sigh, feeling the soft breeze brush my skin and the warmth of the Mediterranean sun.

"Let's do it," He says, after a few moments of listening to nothing but the sound of the waves, his forehead still touching mine.

"Do what?" I say slightly confused. 

"Let's get married," He says.

"What?" I say moving my forehead from his to look at him. He reaches into his back pocket, pulls out his cell phone and makes a call.

"Yea it's me... yea. Ok," He says and presses the button to hang up and slides the phone back into his pocket.

"What are you - ?" I start but then I suddenly see Nikki and Lizzy walking towards us with someone who I have never seen before seemingly coming out of nowhere. 

"Let's get married, right here, right now," Tommy says looking at me still and I felt like I couldn't even think or see straight.

"Baby..." I trail off looking away from him seeing Nikki and Lizzy coming closer. "Are you - "

"-crazy? Yes, I'm fucking batshit crazy and I'm so god damn in love with you and I can't fucking wait any longer to make you my wife," He says still looking at me, then turns to see the Officiant approaching with a book in his hand.

"You're serious?" I ask with a giggle feeling my heart begin to race. 

"As a heart attack," He says. I glanced between the officiant, Nikki and Lizzy, then back at Tommy and there was really only one answer I could give him. 

"Ok, ok let's do it," I say quickly before I could think of what was actually happening.

"Yea baby?" Tommy smiles that incredible smile and I couldn't think of why I wouldn't want to do this.

"Yes," I giggle nervously and he then turns to the officiant gesturing for him to come over between us and Lizzy moves to my side and Nikki standing on the other side with Tommy.

"Did you know about this?" I ask Lizzy quietly and she just hushes me.

The Officiant then began to speak in Greek but he apparently didn't realize that I didn't speak it at as he started what seemed to be the beginning ceremony between us. I had no idea what he was saying and I was so confused but I couldn't look at anything else other than Tommy who had this incredible smile spread across his face.

"Uh, sorry - sare anglika - english please. Uh... sas parakaloume," Tommy says to the Officiant, which surprised me that he even knew what he was saying. 

"Uh, do you Tommy Lee uh Bass, take this woman to be wedded - uh your wedded wife?" The Officiant says in his thick greek accent.

"I do," Tommy says quickly and I giggle.

"Uh, do you uh Andrea Marie uh, O'Riden, take this man to be husband - uh your wedded husband?" The Officiant says in his best English that he could muster.

"Yes - I mean I do, I do," I giggled trying to stop myself but I couldn't help it.

"Do you have rings?" The Officiant says.

"No - oh no we-"

"We do," Tommy says, cutting me off and reaching into his pocket and pulling out our wedding rings that we had chosen just a few weeks ago and I had no idea that they had come in yet let alone that he brought them with us. It was one of the only other times on tour where we had a few moments to go and check out wedding bands. It was the only part of the wedding planning I was able to decide on so far. 

He then takes my hand and slides the white gold wedding band on my finger next to my engagement ring then quickly passes his ring to me and I giggle as I slide his ring onto his finger, shaking as I do so.

"You are uh now husband and wife, you may now- "

Before the Officiant could finish Tommy placed his palms on either side of my face, and crashed his lips to mine. I couldn't believe we did it. I couldn't believe that I am actually now his wife. His lips continued to linger becoming passionate and full of hunger as he held me to him. Then without even thinking about what I was doing I slid myself out from his embrace, lifted my dress up over my head tossing it somewhere revealing my string bikini to everyone, and laughing as I ran into the water.

"Babe! What are you - ?" 

"Just go get her Tommy," Nikki laughs patting him on the back and Tommy empties his pockets shoving his phone, wallet, and his pack of cigarettes into Nikki's hands and Lizzy laughs. 

"Fuck dude," Nikki laughs and Tommy runs out into the water to catch me still completely clothed in his red baggy shorts and white fitted tank top and all I could do was splash him with water as he splashes me laughing. I was feeling so many emotions all at once that I didn't know what else to do.

"Babe-?"

"We're married," I laugh as he comes closer to me.

"Yea,"

"We're fucking married?" I repeat trying to catch my breath.

"Yes baby,"

"This is fucking crazy right?" I giggle nervously.

"Completely," Tommy smiles as me.

"I'm your wife...? I'm your wife. I'm your wife and you're my husband..." I say and my bottom lip starts to quiver.

"Yes baby, you're my wife and I'm your husband," He says as he steps closer to me, taking me in his arms, pulling me to him and I place my hands on his chest while he touches his forehead to mine.

I have never been so happy. I have never felt this way for anyone... not Kenny, not even Chris. I never even imagined that in a million years that my life would change so much over the last 6 months. If you had told me 6 months ago that I would be married to Tommy Lee, I would've laughed in your face.

"I fucking love you," I say quietly, with my bottom lip quivering trying to force myself not to cry but I know it's about to overflow any second.

"I fuckin' love you too baby," He says, his voice deep and husky. He then brushes his lips across mine, hesitating for just a second before I reach up threading my fingers through his damp locks and press my lips to his. He then picks me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, and I yelp laughing as we continue to play in the water.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 21. You Climbed Inside My World And In My Song

Miami Florida, June 21 2002 

"How many people are out there?" Tommy says slinging his satin black Schecter Diamond series guitar with the stripper girl inlays on the fretboard - which is very Tommy - over his shoulder and adjusting the guitar strap.

"It's a sold out show baby, so like - "

"Ok, ok, on second thought don't tell me," He says. I could hear the crowd just beyond the stage as Tommy began to pace back and forth, strumming his guitar, playing a few simple riffs.

It was a couple of weeks into Tommy's solo tour and this was the first sold out show along the way. Everything has been going along perfectly and I had forgotten how much I missed being on the road. Since I had only just signed Dime and Vinny -which they had decided on a name Damageplan - I was able to focus on the tour with Tommy until the end of August when Ozzfest wraps up and Dime and Vinny have their first show. 

I could tell Tommy was nervous, I mean who wouldn't be? He didn't expect it to be sold out, especially since it's just him. He was always used to it with Motley but now that he's on his own, he was just flipping out excited and so humbled at the fact that it is a sold out show. I'm even nervous for him. For as many times as I've seen venues packed for various bands, I always get that second hand nervousness, for the bands and also for myself. Is everything going to go smoothly? Does everyone have what they need? What if something does go wrong? Do I have a back up plan? 

Suddenly one of the roadies comes up to me telling me that everything is good to go and I nod then turn my attention back to Tommy still pacing back and forth.

"Babe...? Baby...? Tommy...? Tommy!" I say trying to get his attention and he eventually comes back down to earth looking right at me, still strumming.

"Yea?" He says with a deadpan expression and just before he starts to pace again I stop him.

"It's time, are you ok?" I ask looking up at him. He looked so fucking amazing in his black 'L.A' logo t-shirt, his small silver hoop earrings just poking out through his dark shaggy waves, and his nose ring catching the sparkle of the stage lights.

"Uh huh. Yea,"

"Yea?" I ask.

"Yea," He says.

"You sure?"

"Hell yea!"

"I love you," I say, and he stops playing for a moment, grabs my face in his palms and presses his lips to mine.

"I fuckin' love you baby," He says, touching his forehead to mine, breathing me in as the crowd cheers 30 feet from us.

"Tommy you're up," One of the roadies says, patting him on the shoulder, and he gives me one last kiss, pulling away for a second before giving me another quick kiss and I start to giggle.

"Go," I laugh.

"One more," He says and places his lips on mine again and I giggle against his lips, then playfully push him away and he laughs then heads up to the stage.

*****

"Thank you!!!!!" Tommy yells into the microphone and the crowd screams.

"What's up,  Miami!!!! Fuck, I recognize these fuckers over here... wow, man. Fuck, you guys have been to the last 7 fuckin' shows haven't you?" Tommy says, pointing to a group of fans in the front, just screaming out his name.

"Fuck you guys are crazy, haha. Ok... can someone turn the lights up a bit? Yea turn the lights up. All you people up there... yea you, come on get up. Yea... I better not anybody sittin' down up there I mean it,'' Tommy says pointing way up in the wings and the balcony of the club. 

"I'm tellin' ya chairs are meant for only 2 things, weddings and funerals so get the fuck up!" Tommy continues and the crowd just screams. He then moves away from the mic walking to the back of the stage where I am, asking one of the roadies for a video camera. He is then handed one and Tommy steps over to me, placing his palm on my cheek giving me a quick kiss to the spot under my earlobe and whispers "Watch this baby," 

I give him a confused glance when he pulls away from me and he points to the camera with a big smile spread across his face.

"What are you doing?" I mouth to him and then I realize. 

The Titty Cam

I had heard of the titty cam when he played with Motley Crue, but I didn't know that he kept on with the camera outside of Motley. Of all the shows he's played so far on this tour, he hasn't done the titty cam, but now I wonder if he just left it out because of me? I mean I used to hate that kind of stuff, but a part of me wonders if I really did hate it or I was worried about what Chris would think. I remember Chris hating groupies, and girls that would fawn all over him, So I always felt like I had to protect him  - in a way -  from those types of girls. I remember getting in a fight with a couple of groupies way back then but they were making fun of me too. 

I completely understood why girls would fall at their feet for him. I mean, he was gorgeous. I remember there were a few times where some girls, who were actually really sweet, came up to him while we were just running errands one day and asked for his autograph and were totally flirting with him, but they were respectful and he was completely oblivious to them. In hindsight, I wonder what he thought would happen? Chris was always sexual on stage. He wouldn't even get halfway through a set before his shirt was off and he would just be writhing and going absolutely crazy. It never bothered me though. It was just the way he was.

"Alright, I brought my little friend, here.... Yea? My best friend! The mutherfuckin' titty cam boys!" Tommy says into the mic as he holds up the small video camera and everyone screams.

"Now where are my ladies at?" He smiles and all the girls scream.

He then moves to the left side of the stage, being charming and sly as he coaxes the girls to flash him their breasts so that he could get it on camera. Some girls are reluctant to but once they finally do, Tommy cheers and then the crowd cheers with him.

"You ok Andi?" One of the roadies asks me as I watch from backstage.

"Yea, I'm... I'm fine. I'm uh, awesome actually," I chuckle realizing how close minded I was back then. 

"You know I ain't done yet," Tommy says slyly into the mic as he passes to the right side of the stage, stepping up on one of the monitors and encouraging more girls to flash him. I then glanced up and saw that the cam was connected to the big screen behind me and I could see all the girls laughing, flashing and loving every second. 

Then I had an idea. I quickly make my way over to the side of the stage seeing a small video camera sitting on top of a monitor and I grab it.

"Is this set up the same way?"

"Sure is," The roadie says to me with a smirk. I raise my eyebrow and flick the camera on, make my way down the side steps of the stage and I notice Tommy noticing me as I walk out into the crowd.

"Oh shit!" I hear him yell and laugh as I walk with the camera out into the middle of the crowd catching all the pretty ladies flashing their breasts. I get close to a few of them and they scream and I laugh as they start flashing me instead.

"Oh hell yea baby!" Tommy yells into the mic as I pass through the crowd, being my sweet self to the girls as they flash me. I have to admit this is so much fun.

I make my way down the center of the crowd, weaving through all the excited girls who were apparently more than happy to show me their goods. It was such a different feeling than I imagined. The vibe down in the crowd was so full of energy and love, and not even a trace of misogyny. It was pure fucking fun at it's finest, something I had missed for the longest time, and the girls that did choose to flash me were so fucking awesome. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is my gorgeous fiance Andi... say hi Andi," Tommy says into the mic so sweetly as I climb up the side steps to the stage. I feel my cheeks flush red as everyone cheers. "C'mere baby... so that's where his little brother went..." Tommy says, referring to the camera in my hand as he gestures for me to bring it to him and the crowd laughs and cheers. I quickly walk over to him, flipping my curls out of my face and he takes the camera from me, leaning in and placing his lips on mine for a quick kiss. The crowd continues to cheer and just as I pull away from him, he leans in again placing another kiss to my lips. I giggle against his lips and once I pull away again I shyly wave to the crowd then make my way back stage as he catches my hand for a moment and slowly lets go. 

"Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.... Man... whoo hoo... alright," He says into the mic as he is handed his guitar back in exchange for the camera and slings it over his shoulder. "She's fuckin' hot right?" He asks the crowd and they cheer as I Iaugh from being so nervous and excited all at once. "Damn baby, you got luckier than I did," He says into the mic glancing back at me with that charming smile spread across his face and the crowd laughs and cheers.

"Now this next song is about you crazy motherfuckers. I wanna see every one of you guys jump. Let's bounce!"

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 20. The Return Of The Cowboys From Hell

Arlington Texas, April 28 2002

"Holy shit babe, this is fuckin' awesome," Tommy says as we pull up to the iron cast gate to Vinny's house - ok more like mansion - to go over the details of the contract. 

I had never been to Vinny's house before and man, it was insanely gorgeous and massive, almost twice the size of Tommy's house. The gate opens and the cab takes us up to the entrance, I pay the cab and we step out and we make our way up the steps of the cement porch to the front door. I stand at the front door, with my messenger bag slung over my shoulder, my curls down as usual and past my shoulders wearing low rise ripped jeans, my black and white Chuck Taylors that match Tommy's so well, and plain black fitted tank top. I catch the reflection of myself in the window and fix my curls, then look back at Tommy as he gives me a strange look.

"What?" I giggle.

"You alright?" He chuckles offering his charming smile wearing his usual ripped jeans and a white fitted tank top showing off his incredible tattoos with his necklaces laying perfectly against his chest.

"Yea, just... I'm fine," I giggle and then sigh, and ring the doorbell. A few minutes go by and as I wait for the door to open I could feel some reminisce of my nerves creeping up. Why does it always seem like forever when you're waiting for someone to open a door. Then I hear someone unlock the door and once it opens, I see Dime standing there in front of me, his curls everywhere, his beard now colored red and wearing a Kiss band shirt and ripped baggy jean shorts.

"Well, if it isn't sweet little Andi standin' at my brother's door," Dime says in that deep southern drawl of his.   

"No, she actually ran the other way, you want me to get her?" I joke and Dime and Tommy laugh. 

"Get over here," Dime laughs and grabs me, wrapping his arms around me in a huge hug. I felt so small as he held me swaying back and forth.

"Um, I'm sure you already know but, I brought Tommy too," I say when I pull away from him.

"Well hell yea... good to fuckin' see ya," Dime smiles at him.

"Fuck yea dude! Good to see you too," Tommy smiles and they grab each other in a brotherly hug.

"Well fuck, get the fuck in here guys," Dime says as he pulls away from Tommy patting him on the back. We step inside the foyer with gorgeous 20 foot ceilings, with incredible Texan decor as Dime walks away to the bar that is off to the side of the foyer.

"You have a bar right in the entranceway? What?" I giggle. 

"Uh huh, well it's Vinny's house so yea he makes sure the place is stocked for whatever you need. We're kinda both like that," He says as he whips out a huge bottle of Crown. As soon as that bottle came out I knew what was in store. 

I just can't remember if I ate anything yet this morning. Oh wait, yes I did. 

He makes us some drinks as Tommy lights up a cigarette, then hands them to us and leads us down towards the back of the house and I take a sip feeling that sweet burn of that delicious whiskey. We finally end up at a door and when he leads us inside, it was gorgeous studio, with a control booth, recording room the whole bit on one side, then on the other side was like a lounge type of setting with large comfy couches, a bar against one wall and a small little stage with Vinny's Drums set up and a couple of Marshall stacks set up on either side.

Oh I should mention, there were a ton of people here too. There was Rita of course, Dime's girlfriend, a few other girls, probably for Vinny, Zakk Wylde, Dime's partner in crime and best friend who I met years ago on the Pantera tour and had become close with just like Dime, Sully Erna from Godsmack, who I have yet to meet, Max Cavelera from Sepultura and I thought I might faint considering how much I fucking love him - them -but I had to play it cool of course.  

Dime introduces us to everyone, with Tommy recognizing Sully and they end up talking and catching up. They had apparently met years ago on the ozzfest tour when Tommy was doing Methods of Mayhem.

'Alright sweetie, I guess we need to get that dang business shit outta the way," Dime says.

"Yea," I giggle. He then gestures to a smaller room off of the lounge as Vinny appears behind me greeting me sweetly and saying something about meeting in the smaller room as well. 

"I'll be right back," I say, setting my drink down and turning to Tommy, touching his arm.

"Ok baby," He says so sweetly and leans down to give me a quick kiss on my lips. Once I pull away, he reaches for my hand giving it a gentle squeeze and I make my way into the small side room.

*****

"Alright sweetie, what d'ya got for us," Vinny asks as we sit down at the round table in the room with Dime sitting on my right and Vinny on my left, Patrick Lachman their vocalist, on the opposite side of Dime, and across from him was their bassist Bob Zilla. 

"Well, I have a contract here ready to go, it just basically outlines everything from what my role is, stipulations and all that and... well here...you guys can see for yourself," I say and reach into my bag and pull out 4 copies handing one to each of them.  "I uh, just put it under each of your names cause you said you hadn't decided on a band name yet,"

"Yea, we're uh still working on that shit, we just wanted to get set up with a manager before anything else," Vinny says.

"If there's anything in there that you want to add or take out - ?" 

"No it looks pretty fuckin' good to me, but you're payment... that's all you're asking?" Dime says looking at the contract and then back at me. 

"Uh well, that's my normal rate of percentage I usually charge so...," I say. I've never done any more than 10% since I do ok on that rate. 

Dime then takes the pen, writes something down and slides it to Vinny. Then Vinny looks it over and nods and I was so confused at what they were doing. Vinny slides it back and then Dime shows me what he wrote down.

"No... no I couldn't do that,  that's too much," I say seeing that he wrote down 30%

"Andi, this is why we asked you, you deserve it. So that's what you're gettin' " Dime says.

"No, I can't" I say feeling guilty and so flattered at the same time that they think so.

"Yes you can, and you are. Here..." Dime says correcting the percentage and initializing it. "Now it's official," 

"Fuck... I hate you," I giggle and Dime smiles at me. 

"I hate you too sweetie," He smirks. Everyone signs the papers, correcting the percentage and initializing it, then taking their copies and passing the originals back to me. 

"Alright, let's fuckin drink" Dime claps his hands together and everyone stands up and we all shake hands and I follow Vinny out of the room with Dime behind me. 

****

Once out of the room, I immediately headed towards my drink once we had all come back into the lounge, taking a sip and setting my bag aside as Tommy came up to me. 

"How did it go, baby?" He asks so sweetly, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

"Fucking so... so awesome," I say taking another sip. "They're making me take 30," I add still in disbelief. 

"What do you mean?" Tommy says confused.

"My percentage...  like, I always do no more than 10 percent, just cause that's all I really need," I say. 

I've never been a greedy person and I never needed a lot of money. I've always been fair and reasonable with my work and how everything is distributed. 

"10 percent? jeezus babe that's so little," Tommy says, exhaling a cloud of smoke. 

"Not really, I mean I think it's fair," I say looking up at him.

"Babe you are worth way more than 10 percent, I'm surprised you don't start it at 30 as the minimum," Tommy says.

"Yea but it's not just me, there's also up front advances to be paid back, touring costs, y'know?" I say, taking another sip.

"Yea but baby, you are fuckin' worth more than 10 percent. Like, what was my contract with you?" Tommy asks.

"You didn't even look did you?" I giggle looking back up at him. 

"Pffft... yea, yea I did I just don't remember," He smirks. 

"Uh huh, man I shoulda taken you for 60 seeing as you didn't even look when you signed it," I joke as he moves closer to me taking another drag of his cigarette and exhaling a cloud of smoke.

"Baby you could've taken me for 100 percent - a million percent and I still would've signed," Tommy smirks and I laugh as he leans down placing his lips on mine.

*****

"Ok, little Andi, get over here," Dime says, patting the black leather barstool, his booming deep Texan accent coming through.

"Little? Why is everyone saying that?" I laugh. 

It was later into the evening and we all had been drinking, laughing and having a good time. Tommy was over hanging out with Vinny and Zakk  being his life of the party self, laughing, making people laugh and I loved every second of it. I was on the other side of the room hanging out with Rita when Dime called me over to the bar. I walk over to him with a sweet smile and hop myself up on the stool as Rita follows and sits down on the other side of Dime.

"So, what the fuck has been going on with you?" Dime says pouring a shot of Crown into a shot glass and passing it over to me. He holds up his glass and I clink mine to his, and we down them together. 

"Ha ha well...you know me. Work, work and more work," I say and he laughs.

"You know that's not what I'm talkin' about," Dime says, pouring me another shot and I giggle.

"Um, I'm getting married," I say.

"I see that," Dime says, glancing down at my hand with Tommy's ring on my finger. "You happy?" He adds.

"I am so, so fucking... so happy," I say with the biggest smile spreading across my face.

"Who woulda thought, Andi would fall for Tommy Lee," He shakes his head.

"I know right?" I say with a laugh. "No, but like, I'm so, soooo fucking in love with him,"

"Who me?" Tommy says right behind me which makes me jump and everyone laughs.

"Jeezus christ, you - don't do that," I say looking behind me and up at Tommy as he laughs, then leans down and places his lips to my neck becoming playful and tickling me.

"Stop!" I laugh with a yelp playfully pushing him away from me and he grabs the stool right beside me and sits down. "Can I take back what I said?" I joke and Dime and Rita laugh.

"Hey, you fuckin' love it," Tommy says leaning into me placing his palm on my cheek and pressing his lips to my temple loudly kissing me. Then Dime pours a shot for Tommy and slides the glass over to him. 

"Oh fuck yea! Thanks dude," Tommy says excitedly.

"Of course man," Dime says and he raises his glass and Tommy clinks his and they both down their drinks. 

"So what happened man? I heard you left Motley and you're doing a solo thing now?" Dime asks.

"Yea, yea I uh, left Motley a while back now, and did Methods of Mayhem for a bit, did Ozzfest of course - yea you guys were there too - " Tommy chuckles with a smile as Dime nods and holds out his fist and they do that brotherly fist bump. "And uh, yea... came home after that and shut myself off from the world basically and just wrote man. And like the stuff I was coming up with wasn't really Methods anyways so, I just let it take me wherever,"

"I thought you were doing like, some DJ stuff too?" Rita asks.

"Yea, yea I do a bit of that on the side, fuckin' love doing that shit too," Tommy says downing his shot and Dime pours him another one.

"I can't imagine you getting into that stuff," Rita says, gesturing to me.

"Me? Well I mean, I like the stuff he does, I'm open to it. I'm not always dark and brooding am I?" I ask and they all glance back and forth between each other.

"No, not at all baby" Tommy says, rolling his eyes and making a face.

"Fuck you," I giggle and playfully smack his chest and everyone laughs.

 "Dude you have no idea how excited she was when she found out you asked her to like, work with you guys," Tommy says as he sets the shot glass down.

"Oh trust me, I can imagine. I remember when we first met backstage at one of our shows... she was so shy and such a sweetheart - "

"Who, me?" I say with a laugh.

"Yea, you. You were so quiet until I asked you if you liked the show and then you just lit right up. It was awesome" Dime Smiles.

"I was so young though and like... yea..." I trail off thinking about how just so young I was and trying not to fan girl as much as I did over him but I couldn't help it. I loved  Pantera  - correction, still love Pantera so fucking much.

"Well we were fuckin' so happy you said yes, cause I can't think of anyone better that would take care of our shit like you did durin' that tour back in what? '94?" Dime says.

"Are you kidding me? You guys drove me insane. I don't know who was worse, Phil or you," I say as Dime pours me another shot. 

"Me," Dime smiles and pours another shot for Tommy, then one for himself.

"Oh yea, cause you'd always get on my case for like, not liking Kiss," I giggle.

"What?" Tommy says. "You never told me that,"

"Well I don't like, hate them, they're fine..." 

"Are you fuckin' kidding me?" Tommy looks at me. 

"I said the exact same thing," Dime says.

"Babe, that Alive record was the first record that like, really blew my mind when I was like 13 or somethin'" Tommy explains.

"Fuckin' same dude" Dime chimes in.

"I thought you said your first record was an Osmond Brothers record?" I say with a smirk.  Tommy looks at me like I just spilled a secret that he never wanted to ever get out.

"Uh, well yes but like, we don't need to talk about that," He says.

"Why not?" I giggle and Dime laughs.

"I didn't have like, an older brother or somethin' like most kids back then to like introduce me to shit like Sabbath or Deep Purple alright... I was 12 ok ? I had to find shit on my own," Tommy chuckles.

"I was 12 when I discovered Sabbath and I'm an only child," I point out with a smirk and Tommy just smirks right back at me .

"Says the girl who hates Kiss," Tommy chuckles.

"Hey I didn't say I hated them, I said they were ok... fine even," I say defending myself.

"Now you're the one that's crazy,  They're ok? Fine? Fuck, when we toured with them that was just like... a definite like,  what the fuck moment. Like they were larger than life itself,"

"Oh fuck yea dude," Dime chimes in pouring us each another shot.

"-but then Gene kicked us off the tour. Fuck, that was crazy,"

"Gene fired you guys? Wait what?" I ask and I down the shot, feeling that amazing sweet burn.

"Yea, we were just soooo fucked, drugs, partying so fuckin' much y'know. We only did a couple of shows and he like fired us cause Nikki and I were just too fucked. I don't remember a lot from those days but I remember that," Tommy laughs. 

"You've been sober for a while though, right?" Rita asks.

"Oh yea, like I haven't touched drugs since I uh, was in jail - like in '98. I still have a few drinks of course..." Tommy chuckles, raising his shot glass. "... but as for anything else, not anymore,"

"Fuck, it's like no matter where I go, I'm always gonna be outnumbered regarding the whole Kiss thing," I say with a chuckle. 

"Well, as I remember, I never understood why you blasted some ehem, Motley, when you were like by yourself on the bus, but then didn't like Kiss. Like what's the logic there?" Dime says and I look at him wide eyed realizing he spilled my secret that I never told Tommy. 

"Wait, what was that?" Tommy smirks after he downs his shot that Dime had poured. 

"I hate you," I joke through clenched teeth looking right at Dime and he just smirks and gives me a wink. 

"Yea little Andi here fuckin' would always play your Shout record thinking no one heard her but we all could hear it," Dime chuckles and I wanted to reach across the bar and smack him - in a sisterly playful way of course. 

"Babe?" Tommy chuckles and I was afraid to look at him but as I glance back, I see that charming smile and a flattered humble expression spreads across his face.

"Ok, when I was like 14  I um, got your Shout At The Devil record. It was like one of the first records that like, ever bought with my own money. I played it so much and so loud my mom would scream at me to turn it off. So like yea, I loved that record. Now can I crawl into a hole and die?" I say then down my shot that Dime poured and Tommy laughs, then grabs my face with his palms and places his lips on mine, lingers for a few moments then moves to my earlobe and says

"You are so fuckin' sexy when you're embarassed," His voice low and husky. 

"Shut up," I giggle and Tommy laughs as Dime pours us another round, then one for himself.

"Jeezus are you tryin' to get me drunk here?" I ask with a laugh. 

"Um, have we met? You know this is what we do sweetie," Dime chuckles with a smirk.

"I know, but - "

"But what? You wanna quit?" Dime raises his eyebrow.

"I'm Irish, we don't quit until the whiskey's gone," I say with a sly smirk and Tommy laughs.

"Oh hell yea baby!" Tommy laughs with a clap of his hands and I down the shot and set the glass on the bar.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 19. Aftershock

Seattle Washington April 20 2002

"Here, let me..." I say as I see Tommy reach to knock on the door to Jerry's house but I stop him. I figure maybe if he sees me first he won't be as upset. Tommy steps back behind me and I knock, waiting for a few seconds before the door quickly opens and it just happens to be Susan.

"Hey," I sigh with a half smile. "Is it alright if we come back in?" 

"Uh, yea," She says and steps aside as I step in first and Tommy follows. "You guys ok?" She asks looking at me and then up at Tommy then back at me.

"Yea, yea we're fine we just um..." I trail off feeling extremely awkward not knowing exactly what to say. I had never been in this position before where there was so much tension and grief all in one room. 

"Here, I'll grab you two a towel, you guys are soaked," She says. 

"Um, can you get Jerry too?" I say quietly. I figure we should just stay at the door, apologize profusely and make our way out of here. I have no intention of going back in that room with everyone and having them look at me the way they did. 

"Sure," She smiles softly and turns to head into another room while Tommy and I stand at the doorway. After a couple of minutes she comes back with a towel for each of us and Jerry following behind her, taking a drag of his cigarette. 

"You guys leaving?" He asks as Susan hands us a couple of towels. 

"Uh, yea, I think we should," I say and I glance up at Tommy. He dabs his face with the towel, then looks down at himself for a moment.

"I uh, just wanna say I'm sorry. I did not intend for that shit to happen. Especially today like... fuck," Tommy says looking at Jerry, glancing at the living room then back to Jerry, and Jerry just looks at him without saying a word. "I fuckin' love you man and I didn't mean to start shit... I didn't mean to be disrespectful in any way towards you at all - "

"- I know man, It's ok, we're good" Jerry says and grabs Tommy and they embrace each other. "I love you too man," He adds as they continue to embrace each other. After they let each other go, Jerry patting him on the shoulder, I finished drying myself off as best I could and Susan took my towel back. 

Tommy then says that he'll wait outside for me while I excuse myself to the washroom, since I needed to fix myself up a bit from the rain. I quickly did my thing, making sure my makeup wasn't running too badly, and fixed my curls, and once I felt like I looked a bit more presentable I headed out of the washroom and suddenly ran into Eddie.

"Oh shit, sorry," I say.

"It's ok," He says with a shy smile. I hadn't seen him in so long he looked so different with the sides of his head shaved and a mohawk. I guess when so much time passes, everyone really does change. 

As I go to move past him he stops for a moment and says "I probably shouldn't be saying this, cause I know we haven't really seen each other in years but... ok can I ask you something?" 

"Um... sure" I raised my eyebrow at him not knowing what he could really say to me.

"Tommy Lee? Andi... out of anyone that you could have, you chose him?" 

"Excuse me?" I say feeling my blood beginning to boil again. 

"This isn't you. I know that it's been hard after Chris and everything but... this isn't like you - "

"How the fuck would you know? Were you there? Oh no that's right, you were too busy getting shitfaced with Chris to even bother to know what the fuck it was like - "

"Andi-"

"No, fuck you!" I retort and walk away heading back towards the foyer.

"Andi hey, what's going on?" Kim asks as he stands in the doorway to the living room but I keep walking passed. 

"Jerry, I'm so sorry what happened, I'm so incredibly sorry about Layne and you know that, but I need to get out of here," I say quickly trying to not cry in front of everyone. 

"You alright?" Jerry asks, confused.

"No," I say.

"What happened -?"

"Nothing, I promise, I just..." I trail off not knowing what to say. I never thought that everyone who I thought were my friends - my family - weren't really at all in the first place. "I love you," I add and reach out as he leans down to embrace me in a hug.

"I love you too sweetie," Jerry says and we hold each other for a few seconds and once I let go I place a kiss on his cheek, then turn and head out the door seeing Tommy on the porch leaning against the brick support post waiting for me. Tommy then gives me a sweet smile and takes a drag of his cigarette but then notices my expression of sadness and anger. 

"Babe?" He asks as he reaches for my hand. 

"I just want to get the fuck out of here,"

**********

Malibu California April 26 2002

"Hello? Hey hi... yep, speaking..." I answer, and hold my cell phone to my ear as I flip through some papers on my desk in the small spare room that Tommy helped convert into a home office for me. 

It had been a few days since everything had happened, Layne passing, the fight, the drama, and the fact that who I thought were my family weren't actually really my family and it fucking broke my heart. I'm just so happy to be back home with Tommy and I can't fucking wait until we are husband and wife.

"Uh huh... yea...yea? Yes! No I'd love to... sure... um yea just send me over the agreements and I'll read them over... Friday?... No, that's no problem at all... of course... no I still have his number... yes... yep that's the one... ok, thank you," 

I take the phone away from my ear and a smile spreads across my face, then I get all excited and start jumping up and down like a crazy person. I had to run and tell Tommy. This is going to be so awesome.

"Tommy!?" I yell as I run out of the office, then down the hallway where all of his gold and platinum records hung on the wall, through the living room and towards the other side to the back of the house.

"Tommy!" I yell again excitedly as I continue down another short hallway and to the door to his studio and open it.

"Tommy!?" I say catching my breath for a second from being so excited and he turns from the control board on his stool startled as I run towards him.

"Jeezus babe - what?" He laughs and I wrap my arms around him and he embraces me laughing.

"I'm working with Dime and Vinny!" I say.

"What?" He says confused with a laugh and I pull away from him, standing in between his legs as he looks up at me with those gorgeous dark eyes. 

"I just got signed on to Dime and Vinny's management, they're looking for new management and asked about me, so their rep called me and set everything up and all I gotta do is meet them in Arlington not tomorrow, but Friday - "

" - Whoa babe, slow down," Tommy laughs, placing his hands on my hips.

"I can't, I'm so excited," I say quickly in one complete breath. 

"Friday?" He asks. 

"Uh huh, Do you wanna come with me?" I ask. 

"Uh - "

"You're coming with me, or wait... you don't have the boys this weekend right?" I say.

"No, next weekend," Tommy laughs 

"Ok you're coming with me," I say.

"Alright ok, holy shit babe," He laughs and I lean down to him giving a quick kiss on his lips. Then just as I pull away, he reaches up, placing his palms on either side of my face, pulling me back down to him and pressing his lips to mine once more, becoming instantly passionate as his tongue plays with mine.

"Ok, I gotta go and get ready - " I say when I pull away from him but he quickly pulls me right back.

"No, no I don't think so," He chuckles looking up at me then glancing down looking right at my chest.

"Tommy," I laugh.

"What? I'm suddenly getting some inspiration here," He says, still looking at my chest, his hands on my hips and moving up under my loose fitted Ramones tank top.

"Uh huh," I say skeptically, raising my eyebrow at him and he looks up at me with that charming smile. 

A few moments of silence go by and his smile slowly fades. He reaches up and brushes a curl out of my eyes and I think he could tell that underneath all of my excitement, I'm still hurting inside.

"You ok baby?" He asks. I just shrug my shoulders and then he says "Talk to me baby, don't you go quiet on me," 

"I'm not sure what I could say, I mean... I'm ok, but I'm not ok. I hate that he's gone. I hate missing him. I hate that everyone... fuck, it doesn't matter," I say and look down at myself.

"It does matter baby, you hate that everyone what?" Tommy says, still looking up at me with those gorgeous dark eyes. 

"I hate how everyone kept saying that I changed, that I'm not the same person. Like it's some sort of horrible thing or something. Of course I'm not the same person, I'm not some 18 year old kid anymore, like they all still seem to think I am. Like, everyone else can get older and change but I can't. I have to stay the exact same way, I have to still wallow in my break up and I'm not allowed to fucking move on. Like it's so insane for me to be with you and love you and want to marry you. I fucking love you with every part of my soul- "

"-I fuckin' love you too baby," 

"- and I don't know why I even care what they think  - well I don't care what they think but it just really fucking sucks that I thought..." I trail off again feeling sadness and horrible pain bubbling to the surface.

"You thought what baby?"

"I thought they were my family. I thought it didn't matter cause I had relationships with them outside of just being Chris' wife. But now I know that, that's really all I ever was. And it fucking hurts. And it's so stupid that even now, at my age, and after everything I've been through, I feel like a little girl wanting her mom. Wanting her to make everything ok. But she's gone too. Like that's so stupid right?" My voice breaks as I couldn't hold on anymore. 

I let out pain and sadness that I had completely forgotten still existed within me. Even though it had been years since I lost my mother, I still missed her. 

"No, it's not stupid baby," Tommy says sweetly and comfortingly as he still looks up at me.

"Fuck, this is not how I wanted this conversation to go," I chuckle as I wipe away my tears from my cheeks and he reaches up again to push a curl from my eyes. 

"Baby it's ok, I still miss my dad, like a lot. Do you know how much I wish he was here so he could meet you? I'd give anything just to have him back for even just a second," He says looking up at me and I could see the sadness and pain he still carries. It's still so new to him and he's still so lost in his grieving but hides it so well, until he looks at me like that. I then lean down and touch my forehead to his and close my eyes and he moves to place his lips to my forehead.

"Tommy?" I say after a few moments.

"Yes baby?" He says, his voice husky and deep, his forehead now touching mine again.

"Why didn't we meet each other sooner?"

"Cause it wasn't our time yet," He says.

"Ugh, of course you had to bring logic into this," I say and he laughs.

"Fuck, were you working on something? I hope I didn't like, interrupt you with all my sadness and shit," I say, lifting my forehead from his , glancing over at the control board as he continues to look up at me.

"Baby you will never interrupt me in here. You could come in here naked and I will still drop everything for you. In fact, why aren't you naked?" He smiles that sly smile he does when he's being cheeky. 

"Tommy," I giggle.

"No seriously, here let me help you," He says and lifts up my shirt and I throw my head back laughing.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 18. Rain When I Die

Seattle Washington, April 20 2002 

It was late into the night, around 3:00AM when Tommy and I arrived in Seattle. We found an all night car rental and quickly headed to a hotel close to Jerry's place. I couldn't sleep at all though. As Tommy laid beside me, I watched him sleep, looking so peaceful with the covers only barely covering him, wishing I could just fall asleep but it just wasn't happening. 

Once the early light of dawn started to glow in the room, I decided to get up and make myself ready, wearing my cropped Pantera band t-shirt, low rise ripped light wash jeans, my classic Doc Martens, my silver studded wrist cuffs and my curls down just past my shoulders. I had called Jerry while Tommy was in the shower and made plans to see him. Once we were ready, Tommy wearing a black Cathouse t-shirt, ripped light wash jeans, his usual black and white Chuck Taylors of course and his hair laying perfectly with those small silver hoop earrings poking through as the light caught the sparkle of his nose ring. 

"Ready babe?" Tommy asks sweetly as I stand in my old full length mirror feeling sleep deprived and numb. 

"No," I say sadly, then glance up at him looking so perfect to me. I wanted to climb back into that bed with him and never come out and just have him hold me forever and pretend that I didn't have to face this world that is so unbearably not fair.

He steps closer to me, leaning down, placing his palm on my cheek and presses his lips to my temple breathing me in. 

"C'mon," He says low but quiet and we make our way out of the hotel room

*****

Standing in front of Jerry's house waiting for him to answer the door felt like it took a million years. The sky had grow considerably dark on our way over here, the rain just looming, waiting to make its appearance. I kept going over in my head what I was going to say but as soon as he opened the door, seeing me standing on his porch with Tommy, there was no need for words when I saw the expression on his face. 

"Hi," I say softly and his brow furrows and he grabs me and holds me tightly. All I could do was bury my face in his shoulder trying not to fall apart. Once he is able to pull away from me, he sees Tommy, and practically grabs him embracing each other while I do my best to wipe my tears that plagued the corner of my eyes. 

"I'm so fuckin' sorry," Tommy says as he holds Jerry for a few more moments. All Jerry could do was nod and I could see he was desperately trying to hold back tears. Once they pat each other a few times, like most guys do when it gets too much, Jerry pulls away.

"Uh... come in... everyone's here," He says, his voice breaking and heads inside. 

Everyone?

I glance at Tommy and he leans into me, placing his lips to my temple as we head inside. 

We follow Jerry through the foyer of his beautiful home, leading us into the living room that was filled with all of the old crew. It was surreal to be in the same room with everyone again like no time had passed. 

There was Susan on the far side of the room talking Mark Lanigan (from The Screaming Trees), Matt Cameron and Kim Thayil. Stone Gossard on the other side of the room talking with Jeff Ament, and Eddie Vedder among lots of other friends as well.  The only one that was missing was Chris. 

As I scan the room full of old familiar faces that once used to be my family, a few of them wave at me and I wave back, Kim offering a half smile and a nod like he used to do, Matt quietly saying hi to me and I do the same. Jeff and Stone also shyly nodded at me. 

It was all so different. I mean given the circumstances I totally understand, but it was so strange to be in the same room with everyone again, especially since the last time we were all together like this, Chris and I were still married. 

Jerry then comes up to Tommy and hands him a drink, as Tommy lights up a cigarette, then offers me my usual Jack and Coke and I take it from him. 

"How... how did he...?" Tommy asks.

"Um, overdose...on um, heroin..." Jerry says.

"Fuck," Tommy sighs.

"He'd been really struggling the last little bit there and we all were trying to help him... get him some support y'know? But uh... he just retreated into himself. Wouldn't talk to anyone," 

"I'm sorry man," Tommy says.

"Thanks," Jerry says and they hug each other again. 

As I stood there with Tommy as he and Jerry continued to talk, I couldn't help but feel strange and out of place with everyone. So much has changed. It's like my entire life was in this room. 

Then I see Susan rise from the chair she was sitting in wearing just a plain fitted black long sleeve shirt and jeans, her waves to her shoulders and walks over to me. 

"Hey girl," She says sweetly and I could feel the tears begging to fall from my eyes. "Oh sweetie," she adds and embraces me in a hug and once again I start to cry. We hold each other for a few moments and I can hear her sniffle as well, then I force myself to pull away and feel Tommy's hand on the small of my back comforting me, cause if I hold her any longer I am really gonna start bawling.

'Sorry uh... this is Susan," I say to Tommy.

"Hi," She smiles and extends her hand.

"Hey," He says and shakes her hand.

"- We were partners in our management company and then Andi here decided to leave me and start all on her own," She chuckles and I giggle, dabbing my tears from my eyes. "I didn't know you two were a thing, when did that happen?" She adds glancing back and forth between Tommy and I.

"Uh... pfft, a few months ago," I say looking up at Tommy.

"Yea, we've been pretty inseparable since we met," Tommy says sweetly.

"Oh so she's the one you were talking about during that radio interview," Susan says.

"Yes ma'am," He smiles at her. 

After we talk for a little while longer, Tommy excuses himself to use the washroom placing his lips on mine in a quick sweet kiss and just as he disappeared upstairs there was a knock at the door and Jerry quickly made his way to answer. Once he opened it I heard an all too familiar voice and I wanted to crumble and disappear right on the spot. 

It was Chris

I could feel my heart in my throat as he appeared in the living room doorway, his dark hair short but messy curly, his beard perfectly trimmed like always wearing a black fitted tank top, light wash ripped boot cut jeans and his Doc Martens. He was greeted by everyone, offering hugs and well wishes and I wanted to scream. 

I couldn't believe he showed up. I mean I know he was close with Layne and is still really close with Jerry, I just didn't think he would actually show up, especially because I know Vicky would've pitched a fit about him coming back to Seattle. 

Chris then approaches Susan and they embrace each other saying all the usual things you do in these circumstances. Then once they part from each other he glances right at me, those blue eyes seeming to pierce right through me, and all I could feel was anger and hatred for him. I wanted to explode, I wanted to slap him, punch him, anything to make him feel as close to how I feel for him after everything he has put me through. 

"Hi Andi," He says in a sweet comforting tone, with that familiar small smile he used to give me. 

I wanted to ask him why he thinks he needs to even speak to me, why he's even here. Then I remember why we all are here and all I could say was,

"Hey," in a small voice. 

"Uh, congratulations," He says to me and I give him a confused look.

" - On your engagement..." He glances down, gesturing to my left hand, noticing Tommy's ring on my finger.

"Oh, um thank... thank you," I say, glancing down at the gorgeous ring on my finger and then back at him. Then without a word he steps towards me and embraces me in a hug, and I couldn't even fight back. I didn't want him to hug me but I was so messed up over Layne I didn't even think about it. 

"What the fuck dude!?" 

I hear Tommy's voice approaching the living room and in one movement, he pushes Chris off me and he stumbles back a bit and the entire room goes quiet.

"Tommy -" I start

"No fuck that, what the fuck are you doing!?" Tommy yells 

"Fuck off man, what the fuck are you even here for?" Chris says stepping up close to Tommy and they stare each other down.

"Me? -"

"Stop," I say but I wasn't loud enough.

"Fuck you,"

"No fuck you," Tommy says and pushes him, then as soon as Chris stubbled backwards again, he lunges at Tommy pushing him back.

"Stop!" I yell.

"Hey guys, stop it!" 

Then the next thing I see which happened so fast is Tommy's fist connecting with Chris's jaw, and Chris stumbles back holding the side of his face, then as soon as Tommy goes to hit him again Jerry catches him holding him back. 

"That's enough guys! Enough!" Jerry calls out. 

Everyone stared in silence with only the sound of Tommy Chris trying to catch their breath. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I stood there in disbelief of what just took place. I could feel the judgment from the entire room and the only thing I could do was run. I wanted to get the fuck away from everyone. 

Without saying a word I left the room, heading straight for the front door.

"Andi!" I hear Tommy call for me but I keep going, quickly running down the steps. The rain had finally made its appearance, pouring down, drenching me instantly but I didn't care, and as soon as I reached the sidewalk I heard Tommy calling for me again.

"Andi! Hey! Baby! Wait! listen to me!-" Tommy calls out and reaches for my hand catching it and I spin around to face him.

"What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck was that back there? - " I ask angrily at him.

"Babe - "

"Don't fucking 'babe' me. What the fuck did you think you were doing? You fucking punched him?!"

"Yea and I'd so fuckin' do it again - "

"Why?" 

"After every fucking thing he did to you, you're getting pissed at me!? Why the fuck did you think I did that? He fuckin' deserves to knocked down a couple of notches!" 

"Tommy you can't just go around punching people even if they do deserve it. Like, today of all fucking god damn days, why today?"

"I'm sorry - "

"I'm not the one you need to apologize to!" I yell at him standing so close as I look up at him, his entire body soaked, his hair drenched and in his eyes looking down at me. 

"You think I'm gonna go back there and apologize to that fucker you're outta your fuckin' mind!" Tommy yells back pointing back in the direction of Jerry's house which was only 20 feet from us. 

"No, not Chris you idiot! Jerry!" I yell back at him, slightly out of breath from my yelling while Tommy breathes heavy as well. Our first fight and it's over my fucking ex-husband of all things. 

He then turns walking back towards the house, and I watch him for a few strides and all I could feel was how much I love him. Even in the throws of my anger I wanted him so fucking bad right now. I'd never seen him get so angry defending me the way he did. 

"Tommy!" I call out to him. He turns back to face me, his expression still angered but softened as he looks at me and I run to him. He then picks me up once I reach him, and I wrap my arms around him, pressing my lips to his, hungrily and passionately, my palm holding his face to me as we devour each other. 

"I'm sorry..." I say in between my kisses wanting nothing more than for him to take me back to the hotel and make love to me.

"I'm sorry," He says, his voice husky and deep as he touches his forehead to mine as he still holds me in his arms. He then presses his lips back to mine, hungrily once more and when he finally lets me down, he gives me one last kiss, taking my hand then heading back to the house to apologize to Jerry.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 17. And The Audience Departed As I Gave Her Heart Away

Club Venus, Hollywood California April 19 2002

"Alright let's turn this party up!" Tommy calls out from behind the DJ booth and everybody cheers with him and he continues to spin the decks while the pumping drum and bass music fills the entire club. 

"Congratulations girl," Lizzy says in my ear as she embraces me in a hug. 

"Thank you, I'm so fucking happy you made it," I say loudly over the music.

"You know I wouldn't miss a party celebrating you being engaged to Tommy fuckin' Lee!" She says in astonishment when she pulls away from me. 

"Trust me I still can't believe it myself!" I say. 

It was still early in the night and everyone was having a good time. Tommy playing an impromptu set - he just couldn't help himself - and so many of his friends and people that we both know one way or another are here as well.  The club was filled and it was amazing. 

"Andi!" I hear a voice call me and I turn and see Susan Holmes, Duff Mckagens wife, her beautiful tall blonde self approaching me. 

"Oh my god hi!" I smile excitedly and she embraces me in a hug. 

"Congrats girlie, I'm so happy for you," She says in my ear over the music. 

"Thank you. Is Duff here too?" I ask once she pulls away from me. 

"Yea, he's over by the bar mingling, y'know," She says and suddenly Sebastian Bach - who I haven't seen in years - comes up to me to congratulate me.

"Holy shit!" I exclaim when I see his tall frame standing in front of me.

"Someone told me that little Andi O'Riden is getting married to Tommy Lee, now how in the fuck did that happen?" He says in that familiar exaggerated surfer voice he does. 

"Baz!" I say excitedly and he leans down to me embracing me in a hug. 

I can't believe he is standing in front of me. The last time we saw each other was when Soundgarden was opening for Skid Row back in '92, and before then, I hadn't seen him since he moved away from our hometown of Toronto Ontario, when we were just kids - well ok I was 16 and he was 18 but still kids. We had grown up together living just right around the corner from each other and went to the same school though he was 2 years my senior. He always stood up for me when all the kids would pick on me, and I guess he did have a crush on me, at least he only admitted it to me years ago when I was still with Chris. He was always the closest thing to home that I could actually get and I wish we hadn't let time get away from us. 

"Hey sweetie, congratulations," He says and we hold each other for a few more moments. 

"Thank you," I say as he continues to hold me.

"I missed you kiddo," He says.

"I've missed you too," I say, my voice breaking. We eventually pull away from each other and I introduce Lizzy to Baz, explaining our history as quickly as I could - the shortened version anyways - they smile and shake hands.

"What's up everyone?!" Tommy says through the microphone and everyone cheers.

"I uh, just wanna thank all of you, for comin' out, Andi and I really appreciate it and uh, by the way where is that gorgeous fiance of mine?" He says in that husky voice of his, all flirtatious and sweet as he looks out at the crowd from the DJ booth. 

"She's right here!" Susan yells and gestures to me and I could feel the blood rushing straight to my cheeks. 

"Baby, c'mon get up here with me," Tommy says into the mic with that charming smile of his. I timidly walk up to the small side stage to the booth that Tommy was standing behind and everyone starts yelling and shouting random cheers. 

"Look how fuckin' gorgeous she is, I mean, hello," Tommy says and there are more cheers from everyone and I could feel my cheeks flush even more, as I shyly approach him. 

"I honestly just wanted you up here to show you off to everyone," He chuckles with that huge charming smile.

"Oh my god, stop," I giggle as the mic barely picks up my voice and he takes my hand. 

"No way baby," He says as some laughter emerges from the crowd. 

"But really... I just wanted to thank you guys," He says turning to the crowd and then back to me "... and I just wanted to say how much I love you and everything about you, and how fuckin' happy you make me... and I just can't fuckin' wait to make you my wife," 

As some 'awes' emerge from the crowd, he raises my hand to his lips and places a few quick kisses to the back of my hand looking deep into my eyes and all I could feel was my heart fluttering, trying to fly out of my chest. Without even thinking and completely forgetting that I'm in front of all our friends, I place my palms on either side of his face and he leans down pressing his lips to mine. 

"Aero! where are you!?" Tommy says into the mic when he parts his lips from me and still holds me to him and I place my hand on his bare chest through his open white shirt. Then DJ Aero climbs up to the small stage, jumps behind the decks taking the mic from Tommy and starts spinning as the pumping drum and bass music fills the club again.

"So this is your engagement party huh?!" A voice calls out and Tommy looks out over the crowd and sees Nikki Sixx, standing by the stage steps near me, his hair so black, spikey and just everywhere. 

He startled me with just how much of a presence he is, his tall frame wearing a plain black t-shirt underneath his black leather jacket and black ripped jeans. I had never met him before and I suddenly felt extremely nervous. 

Where's a drink when you need one? 

"Holy shit! No way fucker!" Tommy smiles, letting go of me and immediately moving towards Nikki and grabbing him in a brotherly embrace.  

"C'mon you think I'd miss this?" Nikki laughs as they pull away from each other. 

"Well fuck man, I... I mean, fuck it's good to see you bro," Tommy says happily. Then after a couple of moments Tommy remembers me.

"Oh fuck, sorry babe... um, this is Nikki - "Tommy says excitedly when he turns back to me,  then says "Nikki, this is Andi," placing his arm around me and pressing his lips to my temple. 

"Hi," I say sweetly and shyly with a giggle, which at first completely felt like I was one of those girls that have that small baby voice, all innocent and flirty sounding but I am positive I'm just overthinking it. 

"Hi," Nikki says with a chuckle and a sweet smile.

Yea I definitely sounded like one of those girls.

Tommy and Nikki then start to catch up with each other, since they hadn't seen each other in months, and I couldn't help but just listen and watch them as it seemed like no time had passed between them. Nikki asked a few questions about me and I answered, trying my best to be confident but I'm so shy, especially when meeting Nikki Sixx.

"... yea, so I've just been working on the record, spending time with my boys when I get the chance, and uh yea that's pretty much it," Tommy says.

"Well and obviously getting engaged and shit," Nikki chuckles as he glances at me.

"Yea that too," Tommy smiles.

I then see Lizzy out of the corner of my eye, walk up to stand beside me holding out a drink for me to take.

"Oh my god, I love you," I say as I take it from her and Tommy and Nikki laugh.

"I thought you might like that," She says with a giggle.

"Oh um, Lizzy, this is Nikki," I say when I finish my sip and then say "Nikki, this is my best friend Lizzy"

"Hi," She says sweetly and it was like Nikki suddenly couldn't see anyone else but her. 

"Hi," He smiles at her subtly but not so subtly, studies her for a few before Tommy interjects saying something about needing to go and get a drink and have a smoke, then Lizzy apologizes that she didn't bring him one as well but she only has two hands and the other drink was hers and Tommy just laughed. She then glances back at Nikki smiling that sweet smile she has and pushing a few of her red waves behind her ear. 

Tommy then places a quick kiss to that spot under my earlobe, his hand on my hip moving to the small of my back feeling his warm hands on my bare skin, then moving to my ass and I giggle as he gives it a gentle squeeze, then turns to Nikki asking him to join him and he does but not before Nikki steals a few glances at Lizzy as they head off to the side entrance doorway disappearing in the crowd.

"Holy shit I just met Nikki," Lizzy says excitedly.

"Uh huh, and I think he's got his eye on you already," I say and take a sip.

"Me? No... pfft," She says dismissively, taking a sip of her drink.

"Andi! Andi!" I hear someone calling my name and I turn and see Tommy's business partner and partial owner of the club walking towards me with the cordless phone in his hand "You're wanted on the phone!" He says over the loud music once he approaches me.

"Me?!" I ask, confused.

"Yea, they say they were trying to call you on your cell but you weren't answering," He says leaning into my ear so that I could hear, and I realize I had left my cell phone with my wallet in the back dressing room of the club. He holds out the cordless phone to me and I take it, quickly telling Lizzy that I'll be back, asking if she could hold my drink and she nods taking it from me, then I make my way to a quieter spot in the club just by the back dressing rooms.

"Hello?" I answer, holding the phone up to my one ear and plugging the other so that I can hear.

"Andi, jeezus, I've been trying to call you,"

It was Susan Silver, my former partner in our management company that she started a long time ago back in Seattle. 

"Hey hi... what's going on?" I ask in a sweet tone.

"Andi, Jerry asked me to call you cause he couldn't bring himself to do it - "

"What? Why?" I ask, becoming concerned.

"It's Layne Andi... you gotta come home,"

"Home? Wait, what happened?"

"Layne's gone... he was found this morning in his condo... he's gone..." 

"What?" I ask quietly, my brow furrowing.

"He's gone Andi... you gotta come back home,"

With those words ringing in my ears, the entire club completely went silent and all I could hear was the tremendous loud ringing in my ears. It was like I couldn't even see straight and as minutes pass that feel more like hours, I see Tommy walking up to me.

"Baby, what are you doing back here?" I hear Tommy say to me as he appears and I still couldn't feel anything.

"I gotta go home," I say as my bottom lip begins to quiver, and Tommy's expression changes to worry as I fight back the urge to cry.

"Baby what happened?" He asks, placing his palms on either side of my face, forcing me to look at him, but I couldn't speak. He then takes the phone from me and holds it up to his ear to speak.

"Hello? Who is this?" He asks sternly at first and then once Susan explains the situation he looks at me and I start to really cry. 

"Ok uh, ok... ok... ok I'll tell her... thank you..." Tommy says into the phone and then tosses it onto the leather bench beside the dressing room door. He then takes my face in his palms again and looks directly into my tear filled eyes.

"We're going to Seattle ok baby? I'll book the jet and we'll head out tonight," He says and all I wanted to do was just crumble. Everything was numb. I couldn't see, hear or feel anything. He then wraps his arms around me and I lost it. I just started bawling into his chest and I couldn't control it. 

The only thing I remember is Tommy taking out his cell phone from his back pocket and making a call.

"Hey... yea dude, it's me... we need the jet tonight... Seattle... awesome, thanks man," He says and slides his phone back in his pocket.

"Oh my god no, I can't... I can't" I sniff lifting my head up from his chest.

"What baby, what do you mean?" Tommy asks.

"I can't leave, this is our engagement party... we can't just go," I say.

"Yes we can, don't even worry about everyone else... I'll call Leo and he'll take us back home, we'll grab some shit and head to the airport,"

"Are you sure?" I look up at him

"Yes," He says, looking into my eyes.

"He's... he's gone," and I start to cry once more as Tommy pulls me into his arms.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 16. I’m A Man Of Wealth And Taste

Hello again my dudes!

Alright, so... how are you all enjoying our love story so far? And what a love story it is, am I right?

I just wanted to jump in here again since Andi doesn't mind. You don't mind, do ya babe? Babe? No? Ok good haha.

Fuck it, I'm just gonna get this outta the way first cause I need to get this off my chest. 

Fuck Chris Cornell.

Yea I said it. I'm pissed and I don't give a shit. Like what the fuck dude? Why you tryin' to start shit? You have no fuckin' idea of the situation. For one thing, I pleaded no contest to the charges of spousal abuse because the cops had found my guns in my safe - which I don't have anymore by the way, learned my lesson there - but I pleaded no contest cause it would've been way worse because of my guns that they found. Everything was just all bad back then, and how many fuckin' times do I need to apologize for it? I did my time and that's it.

I mean it though, fuck you dude. You're just pissed cause I got your girl now and you can't fuckin' stand it. But you messed that up with her long before I was even in the picture, so fuck you. 

Ok, now that that's outta the way... Oh my fuck dudes! Fucking crazy right? She said yes! She fuckin' said yes!  I asked her to marry me and she fuckin' said yes. I mean... fuck dude. I know, I know, I move fast, but man she is the fuckin' one. She is it. 

Andi is the absolute love of my life and I couldn't fuckin' wait to make her my wife - yes I know that rhymed haha. She didn't even hesitate, she just said yes. Like there was no " uh Tommy this is too fast" or " I think we should wait'' she just jumped right in with me. I got so caught up in her being silly and singing to me - Queen of all things like, fuck this woman suprises me in ways that I never thought she would - I just couldn't hold back anymore and I fuckin' blurted it out and asked her and she fuckin' said yes. She truly brings out the impulsive side in me. Well ok, I've always been that way but I swear it's amped up like a thousand times more when I'm with her. She just makes me want to just go full on and who gives a shit - which is how I ended up tattooing her lips on me. Fuck names, get your womans lips tatooed on you and man that will definitley impress her, trust me haha.

I had planned to ask her like, weeks before and I was gonna take her out somewhere romantic and get down on one knee... y'know the whole bit- I just fuckin' got all in my head about it and just asked her to move in with me instead. 

Once she did move in with me though that was like a whole other level. We didn't have to travel back and forth to see each other anymore. She's the first beautiful thing I see when I wake up and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep and I want that with her forever. 

She was so amazing with my boys, like, they loved her instantly and she loved them right back. Seeing her with them, making them laugh, making sure they are taken care of like, as if they were her own was just incredible. The connection between them was instant. I knew they were gonna love her. 

Same with my mom, I knew she was gonna take one look at Andi and be like 'Tommy don't fuck this up' - well ok maybe not in so many words but my mom is a pretty good judge of caracter, I mean she has hated a lot of the women I've been with. She loved Heather... and Pam she was like, fine with but that had more to do with the fact that Pam and I got married without telling anyone. But Andi, she like, just embraced her right away. She was so happy that I was finally happy after so many years of fighting and trying to keep my family together and Pam not interested in working anything out and going back to her old boyfriend while I'm sittin in jail.... fuck me... Fuckin' broke my heart. 

But there's nothing I can do. I can't make someone love me if they really don't love me anymore. So I just worked on myself and vowed that the next chick that I fall in love with is going to be like - not in a bad way - but like a nobody. Someone who isn't like crazy famous with the paparazzi following us everywhere and shit cause I just can't fuckin' do that anymore. I just can't. I have enough of it on my own still and it has calmed down a fuckload but there's still the odd paparazzi straggler that will somehow get tipped off at where I'm headed, where I'm playing, eating y'know... I'm just so fucking thankful that that didn't discourage Andi at all, 'cause the last thing I want is for her to feel uncomfortable being out in public with me when we aren't working together. And when we are working together, it's like the fuckin' best thing in the fuckin' world.

I had never worked together with a chick I was dating, or any of my ex wives before her and it is such a game changer. She obviously sticks to most of the managerial stuff, since that's what she does but when I'm working in my studio, she would like, come in and hang out with me, which surprised me at first since I never had that before. Music just wasn't any of my ex's language, and so it was such a fuckin' turn on that Andi wanted to hang out with me in the studio. Even if I had an idea about something, she encouraged me to tell her about it and would actually help.  I found it so fuckin' sexy that she would inspire me in ways that I didn't think I could go with a song or a simple melody, a lyric or an unworked idea. 

She is so intelligent, beautiful, and strong. She knows this business inside and out, and she's so assertive but like can be so adorably shy and awkward, and fucking hilarious too. We even have our own like, weird language with each other. Like, I'll say something to her in my greasy greek guy accent just being stupid to make her laugh and she comes back with this terrible irish accent that makes me laugh everytime cause it so would sound like her if she had one. 

I just wish she could've met my dad. Man, my dad would've loved her. I can just see him telling me not to screw this one up and I know he would see in her what I see and just love her to pieces. 

Ok, I'm outta here for a little bit, but don't worry dudes, I'll be back. 

P.S: I miss you dad, and trust me I found a really good one this time and I promise I won't screw this up. Not in a million years.

[afterglow-tommylee]

Chapter 15. The Sun Would Rise In The Jasmine Skies

Malibu California, April 19 2002

As I stand in front of the full floor to ceiling mirrors that surround the bed in our bedroom, wearing my Louis Vutton black strappy stilettos, I slip on the gold chain straps to my Christian Dior newsprint knee length backless dress that hugged my body in all the right places, and flowed from my hips in an asymmetrical a line cut. I had just finished my makeup, my classic black smokey eye looking perfectly dramatic and I couldn't decide whether to wear my curls up or leave them down. 

It was the night of our engagement party, and Tommy had invited everyone - and I mean everyone - to his club that he owned, Venus, the club that Lizzy and I had gone to the first night after I met him. 

Tommy made dinner reservations at Nostimos to have dinner beforehand with his mother and sister since they aren't able to come to the party, which is right around the corner from Venus. I was a little nervous since this will be the first time I'm meeting his mother and his sister. 

I still cannot believe that we are getting married. I have never been so happy in my entire life, and I know I keep saying it but I really thought I would never ever feel this way again. I can't even believe he asked me to marry him. Me? Really? He wants to marry me? Like man, sometimes I still don't know just what he even sees in me.

"Babe! You almost ready up there or what?" Tommy calls up the stairs with a laugh.

"Yea, yea... no, I don't know," I call gathering my dark curls in my hands and attempting to see what I would look like with my hair up, turning my back to the mirror and looking over my shoulder, then letting my curls fall to see if that looked any better. I caught a glimpse of the diamond ring on my finger in the reflection, shining so brightly in the glow of the late afternoon sun coming through the room and I looked down at it, falling in love with how it sat perfectly on my finger.

"Vhat are youz doin-guh my leetle von, you are makinz us late!" He yells up at me in his slimy greek guy accent that he does sometimes that makes me laugh uncontrollably, though right now I was just trying to concentrate on what to do... but still ended up laughing.

"Ok just...," I laughed, calling down to him. "I'm fixin my hair my love, just give me a wee bit of time," I add trying to do my terrible irish accent back to him and I hear him laugh from downstairs as I run over to my dresser, grab a few bobby pins and make a quick updo with my curls on top of my head with some cascading down, giving myself a double check to make sure it would stay, then spritz a bit of perfume - Tommy's favorite of course- and then make my way out of the room, to the open loft staircase and quickly make my way down the steps to see Tommy at the bottom of the staircase waiting for me.

He wore a white collared shirt, with only the bottom 3 buttons done up, his necklaces laying perfectly against his chest as usual, jeans with his silver studded belt and belt buckle and his red converse Chuck Taylors with a black fedora hat. He looked so incredibly handsome I almost couldn't control myself. 

He smiles at me and places his hand on his chest and I give him a confused look and then say, "What?" 

"Just checking," He says.

"Checking for what?" I ask and stop in front of him a step or two before the marble floor so that I was the same height as he was.

"Checking to see if my heart is still beating" He says, his dark eyes looking into mine. 

"Stop," I chuckle with a shy smirk.

"No way," He says and leans into me while I place my palms on either side of his face, and he presses his lips to mine,  then moves his lips to my jawline,

"Fuck, you smell so amazing, I could just... mmmm" He says leaning back into me, placing his lips to my earlobe, then that spot under my earlobe again, trailing to my jawline, then back to my lips. 

"C'mon, my love we are runnin' a wee bit late,We don't want yer Ma waitin now," I say in my terrible irish accent again once I part my lips from his and he laughs.

*****

Hollywood California, Nostimos, Hollywood April 19 2002

About an hour-ish later we arrived at the restaurant, and somehow a few photographers found out about our dinner at Nostimos and were waiting outside taking photos. The camera lights flashing made me incredibly nervous, especially since some of the photographers were yelling questions about who I was, but Tommy held my hand the entire time, giving them a subtle wave and said nothing as we stepped inside.  All I could feel was my heart pounding. I've never experienced anything like that before, like usually it was only random fans coming up to Chris and being so sweet and asking for an autograph or something but nothing like that at all. 

I'm always so damn nervous when I'm meeting a parent and all that flashing and photos being taken outside did not help at all. I remember the first time I met Chris's mom and I was a nervous wreck. I was so young and so shy that I barely said 3 words to her. Also it didn't help that Chris didn't actually get along with his mother very well and so that made it even more awkward.

"Uh, reservations for Lee" Tommy says in that deep voice to the tall blonde hostess at the front of the restaurant. She then looks down and checks the list of reservations in the little black book. 

'Sure, right this way," She smiles and leads us into the restaurant, Tommy still holding my hand as we walk closely together. 

"Does that happen a lot?" I ask, looking up at him.

"Not as much as it used to," He says looking down at me.

We finally reach the table to see his mom and his sister and they both rise as Tommy greets them so sweetly giving his mom a hug.

"Mom, this is Andi.. babe, this is my mom Vassilikki, but everyone calls her Voula," Tommy says once he lets go of her and turns to me, his mom waving at him dismissively.

"Hi," I smile shyly and she smiles back at me.

"Hello, it is very nice to meet you," She says sweetly in her greek accent, then embracing me in a hug which caught me a little off guard but I welcomed it of course. She is gorgeous, and Tommy looks so much like her. No wonder she was Miss Greece. 

"It's so nice to meet you too, Tommy has told me so much about you," I say once we pull away from each other.

"All good I hope," She smiles.

"Yes," I giggle.

"And uh, that over there is Athena," Tommy says and she just gives him a look and he laughs.

"That? Oh gee thanks," She says sarcastically, sounding just like Tommy. "Hi, it's good to meet you" She says, turning to me and embracing me in a hug as well.

"Hi, thank you, you too," I say nervously and then we pull away from each other. After a few more moments of pleasantries we then all sit down at the table with Tommy sitting beside me and his mom and sister across from us. The waitress then comes over to ask us what we would like to start with and I knew I wanted a drink to get some of my nerves calmed down. I decide on a martini and once the waitress comes back with our drinks we continue with our conversation.

His mom asks me a ton of questions, all good ones of course, how old I am, where I'm from, how I met Tommy all of which he has told her before but I guess she wanted to hear it from me. 

"... so Tommy mentioned that you're part of management?" Athena chimes in after her mom seemed satisfied with my answers.

"Mmmm... yes," I say as I finish my sip of my martini and then add " I um, have a small management company, that I run independently. I've um, worked with Alice In Chains, Pantera, Nirvana for just a little bit early on... Soundgarden..." 

"Well that's fuckin' cool, " Athena says and her mom gives her a stern look. "Sorry mom," She says and Tommy chuckles. "So you were part of that whole grunge thing huh?" She adds and takes a sip of her drink.

"Yea," I say.

"Well it's good to see that you aren't just a... y'know a hanger on," She says.

"Athena" Tommy says after he takes a sip of his drink.

"What? Dude I'm sorry, Tommy I love you but... sometimes your choices in women are like... questionable," She says and takes a sip of her drink.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He chuckles.

"Nothing," She says and Tommy just looks at her. I wasn't sure if they were arguing or if this was typical brother and sister behavior.

"So you, work in the music like my Tommy?" His mom says to me, changing the subject back to our original conversation. 

"I do. More like behind the scenes though," I say.

"You are very beautiful, why behind the scenes as you say?" She says which made me blush.

"Um, thank you," I smile sweetly at her and then add " I just have more of a talent for the business part than being up in front of y'know... millions of people," I explain and feel Tommy's hand move to my thigh rubbing comfortingly through my dress.

"And you uh, love my Tommy?" She asks, taking a sip of her wine.

"I do, very much," I say and Tommy glances at me and I look up at him.

"And you are sure you want to marry?" She asks.

"Mom," Tommy says, giving her a look. 

"What? You're my son, I need to ask questions-eh," She says in her greek accent which makes me grin to myself.

"Yes, I definitely want to marry your son without a doubt," I reassured her. She looks at Tommy and I can tell that he was giving her a hurried look, and then she looks back at me.

"Ok, then I love you too," She smiles at me and everyone laughs while Tommy shakes his head in embarrassment.