#ok that's all thats my ted talk. back to work

[sylvaridreams]

Ok here is my analysis of this scene.

Canach: He doesn't appear hostile. More...confused. (...) Maybe this one sought refuge. Maybe there's something left inside.

It's very easy to paint Canach as a character who doesn't care about anyone else but this absolutely shows how incorrect that is (one example of many others.)

Braham expresses a preference of "cracking it (the mordrem sylvari) open" which makes sense for Braham's arc in HoT. Meanwhile Canach is humanizing (sylvanizing?) the fallen sylvari, attempting to attribute qualities to the mordrem that would flag it as a person, rather than a monster. HE* doesn't appear hostile, just confused. Maybe he sought refuge. Maybe he is still sylvari inside.

*as an aside, I'm reading heavily into the use of pronouns in this scene as well. Braham refers to the mordrem as an it. Canach treats the traitor as a person. It is noted that the sylvari Commander also refers to the mordrem as "he." (Unsure at this time if the other playable races do as well.)

Braham: Then let's just crack it open and find out.

Canach: No. I'm going to talk to him.

Auruim: Careful, Canach. I'm curious about what happens when one surrenders to the call too, (...)

Canach: I'll take my chances, Commander. I have to know.

1. Canach needs to know what surrendering to Mordremoth entails,

2. The sylvari Commander expresses sharing an interest in the line of thinking Canach is exploring here...

Canach: Brother? Hello...?

Once again, applying attributes of personhood to the mordrem--I think this could be read one of two ways; Canach is either treating the mordrem as a sibling (in such a manner that we rarely witness him applying to other sylvari) to butter him up and apply to whatever might be "left inside" --a show of petty manipulation towards a mind in a fragile state-- or...?

3. He is genuinely, gently aligning himself with the fallen mordrem in this scene, a "you and I are no different, and I have compassion for you" moment.

Mordrem Guard Punisher: Help me! Please! (...)

Canach: What is it? What is it like, giving in?

Mordrem Guard Punisher: It was a relief. Such a relief. I didn't want to fight it anymore. But then...I did things.

4. We know by this point in HoT that Canach is struggling to fight Mordremoth’s call, especially the closer the group gets to the dragon,

We can see that Canach is in this moment aligning himself and empathizing with the mordrem in his pain and fear,

And we can see based on the Commander sharing Canach's curiosity that both of them (I do have Alba-related thoughts on this, but not now) want to know what happens when you give in to the call...

Mordrem Guard Punisher: (...) I did things.

Canach: Of your own will?

5. And now he wants to know if mordrem can act of their own free will--

Mordrem Guard Punisher: I wanted to obey!

And we learn that the mordrem may be free enough of mind to remember and communicate these things but that they want to obey the call, and once they give in it appears that they are not just unable but unwilling to disobey,

6. And we know that Canach has been a kept sylvari for too long, that he wants his freedom back, that he would more than likely do anything to free himself from his yoke--

Canach: Do you hear it still, feel its pull?

Mordrem Guard Punisher: I do!

And does the mordrem still feel the dragon's overbearing influence on his mind, is he still suffering after giving into it? Is it better to give in, will Mordremoth’s roar in his mind go silence if he does?

But...

It will not.

Then the mordem attacks and is killed by the group. Canach brushes the experience off as having gone "as expected," but I believe at this point he is playing it cooler than he actually feels.

I posit that Canach was readying himself to give in to the dragon's call, that this conversation was him testing the waters to learn if succumbing would earn him peace and freedom or a heavier chain around his neck and a more painful burden-and that, had the mordrem not attacked them, had he instead lied and claimed bliss in the relief of freedom from the call, Canach would have reassessed fighting the jungle dragon. It is his valuing of his freedom over all else, including his own comfort that draws him back; he is not willing to run from Anise and the Blade to an even more oppressive master, one which he won't "want" to disobey.

Later, in Mordremoth’s mind, the double of Canach that the dragon creates accuses him of seeking / needing a master, which leads me to believe that Mordremoth is far from ignorant to Canach's mental struggle and exploration of the topic (and I doubt this is the only time he’s explored it. There are points in HoT where the group is nervous because he briefly wanders off alone. This may not be the only mordrem he has spoken to.) As the group reaches the dragon's domain, the call must have become unbearable to resist. Even the sylvari Commander falls to the dragon's call within its domain, no matter how briefly.

TLDR, I think that we nearly lost Canach to Mordremoth, and that his willpower stat is off the charts. Do not enter a contest of strength of will with him. You'll die.

HoT replay had me experiencing things I'd never gotten to see back in 2015 :) I have Thoughts on this interaction but 🤐

[tinartss]

on moving out

[sky-snz]

🍎, 🎃, 🛏️ for lily if thats alright? The last one was so cute!! 🥰

Right on 🫡 Pls send more asks, I find them so fun <3

Let’s go~

🍎 if they woke up sick the day they were supposed to go to a fall festival or go apple picking or do some other seasonal activity, would they be more likely to stay home or go anyway and push through it?

I think that Lily would still want to go, but wouldn’t hide the fact that she’s sick. It would be one of those things depending on the ‘degree of sick’. She’d push through if she’d be able to hang back a bit and chill, maybe drinking hot cider and watching the others have fun and be silly. But if it was a bigger commitment thing that would take a while, and she was really feeling ill, she’d be more likely to stay home.

🎃 is there anything they might do to cheer themself up (or that their partner might do) if a cold ruined their plans for Halloween?

Ok, firstly, I’m gonna ramble. Time for some Jonah & Lily lore. 🤸‍♀️

Lily’s the eldest of five siblings, and their family didn’t have that much money, but growing up they always got together to celebrate holidays such as Halloween, and host parties to do all it entails. Jonah and his sister were raised in a different setting. His dad is a famous musician, and was frequently away at work, and his mom was often busy with her career as well. They celebrated Halloween but it was often quick and less thought out. Jonah finds a deeper love for Halloween traditions in his adult life, as it brings him and his friends together and he thoroughly enjoys the spookiness.

Anyway, picture this. The night is young, and these two have their evening laid out before them: baking pumpkin spice muffins and painting autumn scenes while following a Bob Ross video and then watching the It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. Except Lily has been quieter than usual. She’s wrapped up in this burnt orange cardigan, over the faded blue shirt. When she speaks, she has to clear her throat. Jonah has been sensing that she’s been feeling off for the past few days, but she’s been working hard at planning their Halloween events - so far over the past few weeks they’d gone to the harvest festival, worn matching costumes to multiple house parties, and eaten an ungodly amount of candy together. He approaches her and puts an arm around her while she’s gently zoned out, and lightly startled, she sniffles. The liquid sound is a marker of illness. That, and another attempt to clear her throat - it’s become more irritated, and at a repeated attempt, phlegmy.

He gently asks her how she’s doing, and she murmurs that she’s doing fine. He gently says something to make her laugh, which succeeds, but also triggers a bit of a coughing spell. Jonah sits with her and rubs her back. He brings some pillows and blankets from upstairs down to the living room, and sets up a comfy nest on the couch. He turns on the kettle, and reaches for Lily’s favourite mug, the orange mug. A tape goes into the VCR. Lily is swaddled in blankets and warmth. They order in. Halloween that year turns out to be one of her favourites out of all of them so far.

(ty for coming to my ted talk, I may have to do a comic on this <3)

🛏 if they're spending the day home sick, would they rather watch cozy movies or scary movies?

Either, but perhaps cozy movies are more likely. Lily can get into the thrill of horror movies, but she’s the type to start yelling at stupid characters, which is bad with the sore throats she often gets when she’s ill so Jonah tries to divert her. xD

[slowdripsunrise]

ok more book talk. about to go to work and i need something to do for like 20 mins so. book talk. spoilers for various books under the cut

pretty sure the last book i ended on was the ghost bride, so next up i read Silver Under Nightfal by Rin Chupeco ! tbh. it was fun it was entertaining dont remember much from it other than vampire sex and . actually yeah political intrigue and plagues but mostly vampire sex. read through the audio book pretty quickly i had a good time i just really im sorry but i couldnt get over the fact that the mcs name is remy like. the rat. and thats on my thats my bad but yeah. i do have the second one and i am planning on reading that i dont have my hopes up for more than like. a little bit of plot and a Lot of vampire sex which is fine like the bits of plot i did get were interesting enough to keep me with it so. thumbs up from me :)

next i read The Binding by Bridget Collins, which. who boy that was a ride and a half. definitely 100% enjoyed it would recommend! I did read this a long time ago so a lot of it is lost to me but i remember absolutely devouring that book like easily. if you do want to read it tho, i would recommend going in knowing as little as possible; about halfway ish i think it takes a total 180 turn and just. puts you on a lil rollercoaster ride it was good. look at trigger warnings though! there are a lot of explicit discussions of heavy topics so do read those first.

after that i read Stories of Your Life and Others by Ted Chiang, a collection of sci fi short stories that I enjoyed..... quite a bit? dont remember many of them, and to me i feel like this collection was wayyyy overhyped and i didnt enjoy it as much as i could have tbh. overall if you like sci fi i would recommend and there were some interesting conversations brought up throughout, so i do think it's worthwhile, i just didn't like it as much as i thought i would.

after that i read The Six Deaths of the Saint by Alix E. Harrow, a very short novella that like kinda destroyed me a little bit. like the love story was so lovely and felt genuine even in such a short amount of pages, and it's something i would go back and read again and again. 10/10 would recommend i read this in one sitting at like midnight and i think it changed my brain chemistry just a little bit

then i read Flux by Jinwoo Chong, and i really dont have much to say about it. it could have been a me thing where i wasnt in the mood for this story but i did not connect to any of the characters at all and i was confused pretty much the entire time. its one of those time travel things were like. a crime has happened and they start from the beginning before the crime but also after looking back on it and like the mc is supposedly in a simulation but neither he or the reader can tell if/when he is or not but like. yeah i just didnt vibe with it.

then i read Sorrowland by Rivers Solomon, my first book of theirs ! i thought the concept was really cool and i cared about a lot of the characters, not much has stayed with me since i read it but i am excited to read more of Solomon's work! also the romance was sweet and cute or whatever.....

after that i read Chain-Gang All-Stars by Nana Kwame Adjei-Brenyah!!! oooohhh this book was good. this book was so fucking good it messed me up by the end of it. and I did appreciate the footnotes adding details about both the world/time the book is set in and about their technology, but also about the prison system as it is today. and ohhh the two fmcs and their relationship was so lovely to read about, how they knew each other and cared for each other so well just. AUHDJNS. yeah. 10/10 loved and i'm excited to see more from this author

last one for this post unless i really wanna push it for work, i read the first two books in the Between Earth and Sky series by Rebecca Roanhorse! also very good 10/10 im very interested to see where it goes especially with Serapio and his whole godliness shtick, the magic and worldbuilding was super interesting and i am frothing at the mouth for the third i know its out but like i also want the audiobook and i havent seen if there is one yet but like i need to listen to it ok its just not the same without it.

ok thats it theres still more but i need to stop myself, almost gotten through it. i havent read as much recently ive been a knitting warrior but looking to get back into it more soon !

[ittybittybumblebee]

Long story short: 90s Trigun Ending is good. Just rushed 😭

Yeah it IS good and also rushed. The conclusion/sort-of-conclusion-but-doesn't-quite-feel-like-one-entirely (?) Is good , It just could've been clearer! Thats my only gripe. Im alright with vague endings as in you don't know what happens after, BUT i'd like to know whats happening during??? The ending? As its going on??? That is all.

Ok if youll excuse me rant rambling but i just wanna say i have 2 say.

In MY opinion it wouldve been a more satisfactory vague ending if he LEFT his brother where he was. That leaves just enough mystery wihtout the confusing element of BRINGIN HIM BACK if he was planning on helping his brother get better from his i hate all humans disease id ont think hes gonna be cured by a few gunshots and going unconscious vash sweetie have you thought this through why are you BRINGING him BACK TO THE TOWN. RIGHT NOW. Not even a hesitation on that part? . In the credits it even shows him walking up 2 meryll and millie with his brother on his shoulder BABYGIRLLLLLLLLL TAKE HIM AWAYYYYYYYYYYY 2 HELP HIMMMMMMM SOMEWHERE ELSE DONT BRING HIM THERE WHAT ARE YOU DOING.......

Leaving him there wouldve been more satisfactory as it wouldve symbolized either LEAVING him to die OR live , stepping away. which Vash saying hes gonna start going by his own words and not Rems anymore would make more sense by.

And ...It could symbolize, with leave for speculation on what happens to Knives after leaving him. if his brother does survive, Knives, is probably yet again, going to try to get at Vash. To repeat it all. Vash will have to keep playing against his brother at this cyclical game to survive himself and protect the people he loves (which is all of em bc this guys got the biggest fucking heart on the planet) but neither are going to quit.

OR Knives has a change of heart, after being spared again. It wouldnt happen immediatly though this cunt needs a lot of work lmao. I can imagine years later he could come back to Vash and say something a long the lines of I Learned Some Things That Day That Told Me I Was Actually Wrong, and then go dissapear off to soemwhere else to start again (?) Not likely to happen though. It would be Nice. And Satisfactory. But not likely.

But EITHER WAY . NOW Vash is going to try and do what his heart says anyway and try his best which is all he has done and can do. And he IS going to get hurt again and he might hurt someone else again but he will do his Best and thats okay. And hes Learned that. Now. Sort of adjacent to being able to finally forgive himself. Learning to forgive himself for the mistakes. Forgive himself for who he couldnt save and what he couldnt or didnt do.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk

[laplacesdevil]

@autismrobot5 yes. Yes tou can. I am SO sorry it took this long

We'll go over Miss B first because MMMMWAAAHHH!!!!! I LVOE HER!!!! YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MUCH SHE IS JUST SO!! OOOOOOO!!!!! All of this will be under cut because it's gonna be Lengthy. Most information can be found on their toyhou.se profiles as well! (They're in the Main Projects folder!)

Miss B is a reporter! Specifically, she broadcasts to an outer audience (technically, us), making most, if not, all drawings with her canon. She also hosts podcasts, but she prefers to be seen the most! She has fourth-wall breaking powers where she speaks to the audience! I'd like to keep her backstory a secret for now, as I'm working on it on-and-off, but I will say she's drastically different from who she was back then and WILL stuff down all negative feelings bc of it. They hate talking about their past. I. Still haven't figured out their reporter voice, but their normal speaking voice is bugs bunny. They are both bunny-adjacent.

Miss B has her own universe btw! It's a floating-in-the-void studio mixed with a penthouse. Multi-floors. Middle floor is her whole studio. There's a compartment in the studio where all folders of possible candidates to interview. Btw the folders kinda hold like an wikipedia-level amount of knowledge on those characters.

Oh yeah forgot to mention, but Miss B also has a little sidekick of sorts! His name is Frankie :3 (he/ted/hun) n he's a friend's oc! At the moment, while said friend also doesn't know Miss B backstory, Frankie is Miss B's cameraman! Also he is 2. (He's actually like. 7-10 I'm gonna be honest I don't remember.) Miss B and teds parents are on pretty good terms with each other. Miss B also cares a lot for Frankie and always makes sure ted stays behind when it's on dangerous interviews + when hun is sick. Miss B doesn't actually need a cameraman, as it knows it's always (or usually) being watched, but it appreciates the company! Think of them having a slight Sonic-n-Tails friendship

I need you to know that she was originally my fem Springtrap human design before FNAF 3 came out OK? I'm putting her old pic here. Her name was Boldenzie, if u even care...... also her red suit is inspired by old Spamton. Sorry for the gunshot. As for Miss B herself, she came to be because i thought boldenzie was pretty. and i wanted her back. she was actually gonna be a feddyverse oc (Rivals with gracie) but it wasnt workin. also she was gonna be a bit like junko from . the. the. the. the rompers. i thought it would be fun for her to be multiverse, i think bc of santana

now..... santi..... My dearly beloved.

so. Fun fact. He's been meant for MANY projects before, but I couldn't make him stick, or I couldn't figure anything for the universe he was in. His "most recent" (abt a year ago, tbh) universe, he was named Marikit Guinto, nicknamed "Calamansi"/"Kalamansi". He had a partner named Rey Basa (they/it), nicknamed "Juniper"/"Juni". Tammi's siblings were in the universe too, but like I couldn't figure out what the universe could be like, so I trashed it. Tammi's siblings are ok btw. Would love to draw them digitally some time. Santana's original design + personality were based off of vry2k gordon because he's so fucking pretty

So, how did Santana FINALLY get to stick? So you see, I had a dream where it was like fnaf roblox building mode. And then there was a pretty cute health inspector because Of Course There Was. I don't remember much abt what happened, but when I woke up, I IMMEDIATELY went to drawing him. Thats when I noticed "Hey this looks like cala". Not sure how I got to him being multiverse, tbh, but then i incorporated his past selves

anyways. to ACTUAL santana stuff.

santana is an angel. He has a true form, but he never feels quite comfortable exposing it, unless in dire situations. He was aware of his past universes, and used to answer to a being called The Almighty One, who he sees as the one who created all the universes he's been in. His backstory goes into it a bit, but basically, after so many requests of a new universe, The Almighty One offers Santana a deal of providing him a universe: record all of the universes that had been created. Santana was desperate and accepted it, and The Almighty One sends him off.

so like that was a lie btw. well. not PARTICULARLY a lie, but it's an imposible task. The Almighty One isn't even the one who creates the universes, and there's different ones created every second.

OH OH OH. WAIT IM COPY AND PASTING THIS SHIT FROM MY DISCORD MESSAGES

Anyways I think I've said this before, but part of Santana knows his task is impossible. But he doesn't want to admit it. He doesn't want to admit that all this work is for nothing. Because if it's for nothing, then what does he have left?

He tries to make himself believe it's for something. To keep going. That the promise will be kept

By the dubs. he was also lied to that he couldn't interact with others. He can! The last time he did, The Almighty One FUCKED with him. Look, I've drawn Santana a few times and he seems elegant and shit, right? I promise you he is NOT that man is emotionally constipated but he's forcing himself to stay stoic and unattached because if he lets one vulnerability he's scared he will not be able to handle it.

So, unlike Miss B, he has to record everything himself in a journal he conjures up! btw i need you to know miss b sometimes has santana conjure up accessories for their outfits smtimes.

oh this is important. santana and miss b relationship. they certainly do got sm stuff btwn them. problem is that they both have partner problems (i.e., for santana "i watched my boyfriend fucking die in front of me"). Miss B acts real sweet on Santana (she calls him Santi!) and finds him really fun and interesting! Like, wow! Another multiverse traveler! A pretty and smart one too! So fashionable!!! And there's no info on him too? Wowza... Santana, on the other hand, does enjoy Miss B's company after going so long without interaction (will not admit it) and believes she (and Frankie) are the only ones he can interact with safely. But also he pushes the both of them away because he's kinda scared otherwise. He does care for them though.

Santana and Miss B want to get close to each other, but at the same time, the two of them keep their secrets guarded HARD. they complement each other really well.

anyways here's their playlists

miss b: youtube spotify

santana: youtube spotify (missing a song </3)

btw i should note this bc i havent gotten to drawing it yet, but santana sometimes gives himself tits because he likes havin em. he's got some kind of gender going on and i want it

[jan-pi-suli-ala]

ok i need to talk about this

so the phrase head over heels. fucking dumb. obviously my head is always over heels. that’s how standing works. unless i’m doing a flip my head is over my heels. i think it means head under heels, or maybe heels over head if you want to appeal to the subconscious fact that we associate up with good (which also contributes to “tall is good” and that love is good when people can live perfectly fulfilling lives without it but i’m getting off track), but why not just say that?

so apparently it started as that in the 1700, then swapped head and heels? seems to be because??? nobody knows apparently. idiots. it’s a reference to falling over.

and why do all the images i see of the expression show people on their hands dangling their feet in the air. motherfucker- THATS HEELS OVER HEAD!!!!

this is a dumb rant but i’m passionate about it, switch it back to heels over head, everyone already thinks that way. hell, do head under heels, still conveys falling over, but now less of an idea that love is inherently good. maybe instead we could just say falling over in love, completely remove any idea it’s good or bad

thank you for coming to my ted talk

[bi-ftm-on-main]

anxiety disorder? i hardly know her

Ok so I had bought this suction dildo ages ago but never really used it stuck to a surface, just for handheld stuff, cos theres not a lot of suctionable surfaces in my house and i have to wait for everyone to leave and its a whole thing. anyway.

I tried it out the other day in the shower at like hip height and just like folded over and leaned into it which worked better than any other position I've tried, effort and logistics wise, and was vibing like that for a while. my initial thoughts are as follows:

i had to use so much more lube than expected. like i knew dryness was a thing that happens when on T but i was quite surprised, i was adding (a tiny bit) more every couple of minutes id say

i really couldve gotten a bigger toy actually. its 7 inches atm but with my fat ass it kept falling out and it was kinda annoying

it was fine, pleasure wise. like not particularly mind blowing but still alright. like 7/10. definitely scratched an itch tho ya know

i really gotta be trimming my pubes more cos that shits not helping anyone

my boobs were in my face and i didnt appreciate it

and yeah i kept at it for a while just to see if i could cum from it alone, which i havent been able to do yet even when using it handheld. but like isn't that a thing, that most people cant cum from penetration alone? im fairly sure.

i have been trying to use the toy more tho cos one thing that im worried about for when i do eventually have sex is squirting.

on rare occasions i will squirt when i use showerhead to -- oh yeah thats another thing. i unironically refer to masturbating as 'beating my meat'. it started in high school and im sorry but it kinda seems like its here to stay. well up until the day i have to say it in conversation then ill dissolve and escape down a storm drain --

anyway, i was going at it and it was building but not really enough so i just was like ugh fine whatever and unstick it off the wall and started using it handheld + clit stuff -- t dick stuff? I personally dont have heaps of bottom dysphoria but i havent decided -- just so i could cum. it had been a while and my sex playlist was running out of hozier songs. yes im putting that information on the internet, sue me.

but like i was going at it two handed and it was working a treat and even after i came i kept going -- i was pushing myself because i wanted to see if i would squirt because i want to be prepared for this stuff -- and omg. bro omggggg.

measuring the time by songs id say that i came for, at minimum, three whole minutes.

like cos i was pushing myself so i just kept going with the two hand method and it just kept going and i kept going and it kept going and i had to change to one hand cos my fingers were tingling and it kept going. man.

i only stopped cos de selby part 2 was starting to wrap up -- no one look at me -- and i just layed there for a while longer just with my hands tingling and feeling light as air.

it made me think of that one twitter thread i think of that straight girl who got fucked by a lesbian and was all happy to go to work the next day even though she fucking hates her job. that was me bro.

i put my clothes back on and headed right back to the computer ive been sitting at for two days straight finishing assignments with a new lease on life. i was giddy mate. giddy. ugh

um yeah. moral of the story, i didnt squirt even after having my guts be pounded for like half an hour. thank you for cumming to my ted talk.

[webcxre]

ok like i said in tags. character design hell!!!!!!

they actually started as a snail

which i ENJOY but it just didnt??? vibe in my head. especially being yellow. they already had a whole backstory in mind n shit but they just visually didnt...strike me right. i'll probably reuse this design for something bc i do enjoy it

sometime between this and the next concept i started working on the au design of kinito where he's got the toony eyes, that sort of. 90s marketable. i was SUPPOSED to use this to distinguish the au from my other art but i kinda like it a lot so sometimes it slips into my normal art. oops.

the mudpuppy arc begins!

one day i realized mudpuppies exist and i think they're adorable

i kept. repeatedly struggling with balancing: - keeping the markings simple - making their colors within the same range to match kinito/sam/jade - making their shape distinguishable from kinito so they didnt look like siblings - making them recognizable as a mudpuppy

expanding to other neotenic salamanders to figure out how'd they look next to kinito in this au. mudpuppy still very much is shaped like kinito and this bugged me to no end

fun fact! axolotls arent even in the same genus as waterdogs/mudpuppies! they evolved entirely separate. something something two entirely different life experiences ending up relating

unlike axolotls they're...soooorta metamorphosed? like they have teeth but kept their gills. axolotls are like the kinda guy who never grew past their habits while mudpuppies tried to but got held back. like sure it helped you in the moment evolutionarily but in the end you're still an awkward guy in their 20s sucking up worms help where did this metaphor go

anyways this hell happened at some point

i was SO stuck on colors like???? how do i keep it to 2-3 colors and within the same range AND accurate to life. mudpuppies range from brown to reddish to a bluish grey so thats where these colors came from

AND HERE'S ME LEARNING TO DRAW A WHEELCHAIR BC I HAD A DREAM THEY USED ONE SOMETIMES

its hard to make a wheelchair that works for a character with a stubby body and a big ass tail but we make do. theyre digital so i imagine they just summon the wheelchair as needed and their tail just magically fits under the head cushion. also relearned that not all wheelchairs need push handles that'll be super helpful for when i inevitably need one someday

also this doodle page where their gills got more detailed! i was hesitant but its still simple enough. based on how mudpuppies look like they just have these 2 frilly fins on the sides of their head

and finally!!! (after a dream where i saw the scene at the top of the post and immediately rushed to draw it)

i made them a temp ref + anthro (although the au doesnt have anthros) since people are exchanging ocs in the discord rn and i wanted to join :] slightly worried they'll be passed over due to being fat + disabled but its a risk im willing to take bc :points: theyre like me!!

pretty happy with them rn, might tweak their colors slightly but for now i like how they turned out :] ty for coming to my ted talk

[welcome-to-earth-id4]

the visitor rewatch

eps 13 - the trial

and just like that we got to the end 

headcanon that larue is bad at driving cuz i dont think he got the wheel at any point lol, so far its been mostly van patten tho

bonus points for larue always at the backseat thats so funny

so for all this time the fbi has been thinking that adam is a russian spy that just took the name of an old deceased pilot (that also got lost in a bermuda triangle lol) but now craig is the first to actually say he thinks adam is the real adam macarthur uwu 

i should have been counting how many times someone shouts MACARTHUR

adam jumped out of the bridge to get away from them lol 

ah hell they got him again

or did they

surprise ufo

bye adam!

goddamnit vise lET GO

he got shot down lol rip in pieces vise rip in pieces

eh ok hes not dead yet

oH they BELIEVE NOW COMPLETELY 

craig sitting on the desk thats it thats the post

im so sad that this is where the show got cancelled aaa

haha they said among us while on an ufo

so people that also got abducted and live in an alien colony got here and are mad at adam for dooming earth bcs he messed with the future and broke the ruLEs and now the aliens will want to destroy it

or something like that

so vISE was actually working for area 51 people and was collecting everything extraterrestrial for the last like 20 years ok ok i would still just take his dramatic backstory as an explanation but alright

aDAM KNEW THAT?!

the squad got mcdonalds

have a borger nicki

THY GOT FIRED

and wilcox got reassigned to,, alaska,,, sdfjkhsdfkjskds rip to them for trying to mess with the government bs so spooky

no adam i think vise is an evil man actually 

WHY DID IT HAVE TO GET CANCELLED

so vise “dies but doesnt die” and adam tells him that his work is done and he should stop following him so ig if the series continued thats would be all we got to see of him? he would probably come back for a big reunion or sth

and adam got a talk with the Elders(thats the aliens) and apparently they had Bigger Plans for the Earth but we will never find out what that was all about :’)

gubbye adam it was funn

thats actually a good season finale, but absolutely sad it had to be an overall finale for the whole show mann

thanks for coming to my ted talk owo

[aethlingg]

I wish to hear your 'felipe is evil and working with niklaus' theory, if you don't mind?

WOW I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED! ok get comfy this is gonna be long

Well, (as i posted a bit ago) i saw this in the grizzcord and it immediately set off an alarm in my brain. I mean, grizz is definitely the type of person to use something like a color palette to foreshadow something in the future and so far a lot of things Niklaus-related have been in that color palette. ALSO, not only is he black and gold, he also wears purple clothing. Guess who's color pallate is black and gold and purple? Desire daddy himself.

Now, I know that's not enough to prove anything and me saying he was evil just from that was mostly a joke. But it did get me thinking, and I immediately remembered the temple of the sun goddess. Felipe wasn't able to pass through the door without getting set on fire. Which is weird, considering he is supposedly three days old and is a tour guide. And something tells me that if he were working for Niklaus and was spying on the riptide pirates/trying to gain their trust, that wouldn't sit very well with the sun godess. Especially considering the fact that the chosen one is one of those that are being tricked.

Also, something I just realized as I was looking through the possible fey marks that you can get when you enter the feywild (jay's whiskers and chip's eyes). Jay's and Chip's are the only ones that are actually on that list of fey marks. I thought it might just be a human thing, but I didn't see anything about pixie wings anywhere. Now, that may have just been Grizzly altering the possible fey marks cuz he came up with more that he liked, but idk it seems like a weird thing to change while he kept most of everything else the same. (also gillion's sparkles that follow him are in a fey characteristics list (used when making a character from the feywild) instead of fey marks which i thought was weird but hey thats not what this post is about)

He also seems to be trying to gain the trust of the party, especially Chip. I mean, come on, grizzly would never have an npc agree with chip about the "Millenium Chipper" being a better name than The Albatross if there wasn't something else going on. Grizz is also the type of dm to put foreshadowing in things that the npc says. Like how when Gillion Villian tells Felipe that he should come up with a villain name for himself and he decides to just make it his own name and change nothing. Obviously, that's just taken as a joke (as it should be) when it happens, but it's the kind of thing that you would look back on and be like "oh"

Also there was just something off about when Felipe talked about who he was planning on talking to when they got through the memoraze or whatever it was called. I might have just been overthinking since I was already convinced at that point, but I just really want to know who he actually talked to. There's just so many things about him that can be dismissed as a joke, but if you think about it harder it really seems like he's trying to hide something. Even the fact that he barely aged in the hall of illusions was weird but I can't think of something that would connect him to Niklaus other than the fact that, since one of Niklaus' magic items could age someone so quickly, maybe he can just Do Stuff like that. That might also explain the whole three days old thing though both of those things could just be explained by them being Strange Frog Things.

And all in all, he just seems too lovable, yet we know next to nothing about him and its just weird. And yes, I know that a lot of this was a stretch, but the brain sees what it wants to see and my brain wants to see that Felipe is evil because we can't have anything good ever.

Thank you for listening to my ted talk have a lovely day

[lost-leopard-beanie]

thank you for the lovely tag bubba <33

ik my writing is not the best but welp here we are <3

3 published fics:

06:15 pm timestamp ; lee heeseung

this was the last work i had posted in my writing blog so this kinda holds a special place in my heart even though this is most definitely not good 💀

proposal scene from "until you're home" ; choi yeonjun

this was one of my favorite scene to write if not my most favorite one on this series and idk this just holds a very very special place. the series itself is very dear to me :(

"until you're home" realization scene ; yeonjun

this one too is like my second fav afte the proposal and yeah it makes me feel butterflies guys wth :/

3 wips:

"echos of eternity" ; park sunghoon

ok this one, matty you know this boo this was the result of a very spontaneous burst of idea when prompted me in writing a small summary and sending it to matty and she decided which one i write and this is what i have so far!

"lover" ; blaire

yes im aware this is not what you thought this was. yes its from my ocs but i dont have anymore wips okay?! this is all ive got! ive fully devoted myself into the world of ocs

"she my best friend, she a real bad-" ; ivy x lanfen

okay mona idk if you still remember me telling you that ill write this but this is all ive gotten do far 😭 ill continue it i promise!! schedule's a little tight now but hang on guys ill be back <3 also this was back in horae era and i havent changed it yet- i should.

thats all! thank you for coming to my ted talk! <3

tagging: @heephoria @forever-in-the-sky2 @dreamescapeswriting @riikiblr and whoever interested <3 im sorry if i caused you an inconvenience by tagging you! <33

post snippets from 3 wips and 3 published fics,

( thank you cece @userjuyo, & moni @zzoguri for tagging me, and sorry.. for the late.. )

3 published fics :

1. summer is not over, park jongseong

pretty sure i already talked about this one, it's not a long fic or anything, but i wrote it with a particular state of mind and i recommend that you take a good look at the warnings before reading it, it's not a bright story.. but anyway, it's here because this writing have a special place in my heart 🤍

2. cold hands, lee juyeon

okay i don't know why i only talk about angst here but listen : i was in my all of us are dead period and i really needed to write something about it. with my favorite boyz. and unfortunately, juyeon was the victim. but i promise it's good! heartbreaking, but good..!

3. yarrow, choi chanhee

this is from my discontinued serie “ sorry, for breaking your heart ” which consisted of letters that y/n wrote to all the boys she loved in her life before she died. and i think chanhee was her first love? can't remember honestly, and i'm quite sad maybe one day i'll write this series again, who knows?

3 wips :

1. rain of memories, eric sohn

okay so, this one is one of my countless entries in a collab created by yena, which unfortunately was cancelled, but which i decided to write anyway. i really like the plot.. and i hope to have the faith to finish it one day so that other people can read it..!

2. partners in crime, lee hyunjae & lee juyeon

okay so, this one is probably one of my longest writing, even if i'm having trouble finishing it. it's mainly angst and full of trauma/drama, but i swear it's cool to read and i hope that one day i'll have written it all down 👌🏻

3. cinderella's dead, yang jungwon & park jongseong

okay so, my enhypen' smau which is currently on hiatus but which i'm increasingly keen to continue. this is a snippet from chapter 4, but which i still haven't published.. what a shame-

i can't remember who's already been tagged but i'm pretty sure i haven't seen @invuwrld, @lost-leopard-beanie, @heemingyu, @enluv, @iwonzz, @kimsohn do it yet so.. correct me if i'm wrong 😭

[cactuseri]

ok. thoughts on tua s3 that nobody asked for or cared about

• mediocre

• idk i felt like it dragged?? and a lot of it kinda came outta nowhere? it felt all over the place in a way that the other seasons didn’t

• viktor was aleady a fave of mine before but god i loved him this season especially. someone else already said this but his body language changed and he seemed so much more comfortable w himself and i love that. i know his transition was more of a last-minute addition bc the script was written before elliot came out, but i rlly like how everything turned out

• are they???? gonna talk about the SA scene?????? that was so uncomfortable i had to skip it

• i miss short haired goth klaus with eyeliner can we please get that back please im begging. generally i just rlly liked the darker tone of s1

• i know there’d be issues with screen time and tone but damn. the siblings rlly watch each another sibling die and are just like “oh no! anyway” like ???? hello?????

• had no fucking idea what was going on . like im sure thats largely thanks to my ADD, i often zone out when they’re talking about the logistics of the time travel bullshit, but… come on

• the setting of the hotel & the fact that it didn’t change kinda bored me too idk. maybe that contributed to my sense that the plot kinda dragged

• did. did sparrow ben and klaus fuck on that pool table? i have so many questions

• possible pseudo-incest aside, though, they were adorable. that ben was looking for klaus the second he woke up, them cuddling on the wedding night — that’s a dynamic i wish they’d spent more time on

• sloane and luther were cute enough i guess (i wouldnt know, i skipped most of their scenes bc i could not stand them) but im not sure if introducing a bunch of new characters when u already have very many is a good idea? i know it was kinda necessary for the plot and all but. still. like i said i’d rather have seen existing dynamics expanded on, instead of giving us this forced romance plot and expecting us to give a shit. can’t they work with what they have??

• oh five founded the commission? like i said in the tags in another post that was somehow 100% illogical but also predictable

• i wanted diego to do some cool shit like in the end of s2 but. thats too much to ask i guess. i was looking forward to other possible power-ups among the other siblings but aside from allison (sorta) and klaus (sorta — like, the audience already kinda knew he could come back from the dead) that just,, didnt happen. cool. can they at least tell us how ben died. give me Something

• yeah idk i just kinda felt like the writers weren’t even trying anymore

thanks for coming to my TED talk. will probably delete this when i’m sober, good night

[imthebadguyyy]

Ok I just had to say this, but the F1 fan community on places like instagram is just so TOXIC. Like you have people shitting on the drivers all the time, and the people just write awful, mean, rude, disgusting things about these HUMAN BEINGS all the time. These people have feelings and emotions and the negativity in those apps is so toxic and draining, and I found myself feeling low and down after reading them, and OH MY GOD CAN WE ADDRESS THE LEWIS HATERS ?

What the fudge is up with those guys ? Comments about everything, saying RACIST things like its nobodys business. Mocking his braids or cornrows, and making racist comments and saying he's ruined the sport ?! Have some bloody respect. The man is a 7X WORLD CHAMPION, and you better open your damn eyes a little wider and see that. And when YOU win 7 world titles or achieve anything in life, you can criticize him. Till then, take your sorry asses back and ZIP.IT

Then, theres the "rIcCiArDo WoNt AcHiEvE aNyThIng" people. What is wrong with you guys ? He works damn hard and works his FINE ASS off to do his work, while you hide behind anon and fake accs and shit on him. SHAME ON YOU. Daniel deserves respect and support, and if you cant say something nice, DONT SAY ANYTHING.

You thought I was done? oH nO.

Then there's the 'Verstappen fAnS'. You guys need to grow the hell up. Max is an AMAZING DRIVER, and he deserves all the credit he has. But to shit on another driver who works just as hard, puts in the same effort and has the same goals, how sad are you ? Stan your favourite and respect the rest.

I dont want to offend anyone, but if you do get offended, go ahead. You guys KNOW EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE. All the drivers, but eSpEcIaLly Lewis, (the G.O.A.T) receive hate. Thats wrong. If you dont like him, DONT LIKE HIM. But saying his interests are stupid, saying he supports the wrong cause and again, making racist comments wont make him slow down, or make your sorry, sad selves any better.

If you dont have something nice to say, don't.

If you want to be rude and mean and offensive, leave.

If you dont respect the drivers, you dont respect the sport.

Have some shame. Show some respect. Be kind.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk. Im sorry, but today i was on instagram and seeing some of those comments made me sad as shit, and I needed a rant ☹. I hate hate. Please be kind.

[j4mboree]

OMGGGGG YESSS I LOVE THESE TAKES

ok so this is really unformatted my bad but like

never really cared for derbif, trentkir, or peanut x johnny unless its for like a funny jokey thing cuz thats how i view most ships BUT i do like smopkins but that do not matter for now

i definitely agree with you on gary x petey, like i get why people would gravitate it especially back then when yaoi dynamics like lil pathetic guy x boisterous dude were popular but i feel like they work better platonically than romantically. for obvious reasons that you mentioned but also just cuz their dynamic is interesting as a platonic thing imo!!

as for smopkins i agree with you on them being a lil bit better than petegare cuz of being more equal. but theyd prolly just try to kill eachother again☠️☠️

and i really agree with johnny x peanut because people really do be mischaracterizing them down into that trope of protector/protectee. and i really dont understand it cuz peanut never seemed meek to me atleast he seemed more like he looks up to johnny and is dependent on him but he can still hold his own. ALSO THE DEMONIZATION OF LOLA YES YES YES SOMEBODY SAYS IT i also lowkey see this with some johnny x derby shippers and i really hate it cuz people act like its all on lola, lola's the problem, like johnny isnt possessive of her and degrades her, yet still wants her back?? i really hate how people do this while the male characters who do THE EXACT SAME THING (trent and jimmy specifically) are seen positively for it, but lola? oh no no no all of a sudden its on sight. male characters getting a pass for doing the same shit female characters get demonized for piss me off so bad omg........

and i think the reason why people ship ted and damon despite damon envying ted is cuz nobody really cares for the jocks (besides kirby). so people dont read up on their personalities or listen to their quotes which ends with mischaracterization. also the whole no homo trope kinda drab ngl idk why people gravitate to it so much😭

AS FOR THE TAGS I AGREE WHOLE HEARTEDLY cuz i feel like the girls are way more interesting with how extremely patriarchal the environment of bully is. characters like mandy and pinky who are affected by this more really do get me pondering cuz like..THEYD BE SO INTERESTING IF THE NARRATIVE FOCUSED ON THE GIRLS FOR ONCE😭😭 mandy being able to unload about her insecurities and hearing her mindset was so so interesting like i wish more of the girls had scenes like this or more indepth explorations beyond being kissable☠️ christy is also really interesting too cuz she has violent tendencies and displays them and it makes me wonder where exactly it stems from. ive also heard about beatrices quotes and how lola talks about being scared of growing older, pinky and her stepmom, pinky and the whole betrothed situation with derby, angie and her mom, it really is sad how much the girls are overlooked like theyre so interesting along with the lens of how much pressure they get to be perfect cuz of patriarchy also the constant objectification of them by the other characters and even the GAME ITSELF ITS JUST UGHHH theyre so overlooked😭

id also would like to hear the ships you like lowkey cuz im curious

bully fandom are there any ships that you dislike that alot of people like or just ships in general that you dislike? i really wanna hear some other opinions cuz im curious lmao

[heeytwelve]

“Are you saying my name?”

[SPOILERS ALERT]

There is special place for names in  “Carry On” book by @rainbowrowell​, and  a lot of important magic moments around the names starting from silly middle names and ending in name excluding from books as a way to make person disappear. But today I want to talk about boys names and ways they express their feelings through use of each other’s names.

“Baz,” he says, and it’s not unprecedented for him to say my name, but I know he avoids it.”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” 

Ok, that moment really interesting to me. So Baz is mentions that Simon is avoiding using his name. Well, not really? Never have we ever encountered Simon calling him Pitch (which would be logical? They are enemies? Or maybe Simon thought it’s aristocratic name and sounds more compliment than insult?) or Tyrannus. Only once he uses his long name in message to Mage and it’s sorta cute and attentive.

“And then I add: “(T. Basilton Grimm-Pitch.)”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.”

He’s not calling him like that when he _talks_ to Mage though. And Simon uses his FULL name when he looking for Baz. Though, it said that it’s only to make spell irresistible, it also shows how desperate Simon to find him. And how he remembers his long ass name by heart.

I mean, Simon definitely not avoiding Baz name, if anything, he actually enjoying saying it. And he does say it. Like, a lot. He says his name fucking THREE times in a couple of sentences, when he finally sees him in his last year.

“Baz. I stand up too quickly, knocking my chair over. Across the room, a mug falls to the floor and shatters—I glance over and see that Agatha is standing, too. Baz steps towards us. Baz.”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” Baz, though - yes, he is particularly un-easy about saying “Simon” (which what Agatha and Penelope have no problem with, or you know Gareth and everyone else), for Baz - “Simon” is almost shamefully erotic thing to say. Even in his thoughts BEFORE fighting with dragon episode he calls him “Simon Snow”, always these two names together, so Simon sounds like more than superhero than a person. Or he uses “Snow” when he talks about him in disgusted/sarcastic/somehow negative way. You would expect Simon talk the same way in his most negative thought about Baz, like call him Pitch, or insult him, but no. 

“I’ll kill Baz, so that he isn’t an option.” ...

He tilts his head and shrugs again. “Why wouldn’t she?” “Fuck you, Baz. Seriously.

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” 

Not in negative thoughts, not in open heated confrontations. Always - Baz, never -  Pitch (which for instance Mage calls him plenty). Back to Baz. So he won’t say “Simon” until that dragon fight.

...when I hear Baz calling my name. I look up and see him running along the ramparts. ... “Simon,” he’s shouting, “don’t hurt it!”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.”

I suspect Simon either doesn’t register that it (might be) either first time or very RARE occasion, but he’s too busy admiring the view :D But really, Baz saying his name publicly, out-loud, after he even didn’t allow himself to think this name (really, it’s first time we see Baz saying his name like that in the whole book!) - it is quite a biggie. And it shows that helping Simon was not about truce or dragon. It was response to Simon trying to comfort him. It was - “you’ve put our relationships in whole another level and I accept it” or at least “you’ve cared about me and I’ve been an arse and I regret it. I want more of that caring”.

Then, after this episode he will just slowly start to use “Simon” here and there. Even during confrontations.

“Yes,” I say. “What if I took your magic, cast it against you, and settled Baz versus Simon, once and for all. 

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.”

Like, how cosy he said that!  Baz versus Simon. Not Pitch versus (I dunno) Chosen One. Or at least Simon Snow. He even starts using his name in thoughts! 

“Simon grabs my other hand, and my chest opens wider. “Merlin and Morgana,” he says. “Are we in space?”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” What is funny with all of this, that Simon actually doesn’t pay attention to this! He only notices it when Baz literally throws it in his face.

“He’s just here to visit, Mother. We have a project we’re working on together—a school project. And you don’t have to call him that. You can just call him Simon.” “You don’t call me Simon,” I mumble. “We’ll be up in my room,” Baz says, ignoring me.

”Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” Apple Books.  Uh-uh, Simon finally notices and he hits soft spot and Baz has ignoring as coping mechanism when he stressed :) Simon won’t let it go after that and THATS one of the best jokes in this book, joking around Baz and how sacred Simon’s name for him, so he can’t even use it as much as he can, it’s too intense. I like this scene where Simon actually demands that Baz calls him Simon. 

“I’ve been thinking,” I say, “if we’re going to do this, you have to start calling me by my name. “You have to call me Simon,” I say. “You’ve called me that before.” “Fine,” Baz says. “Get in the car, Simon. (next interaction) “Shut up, Snow.”

Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.” 

LIke - he’s been thinking. Long time. This is the only thing he planned (he’ve been thinking) to do in whole vampire finding/catching operation. Like, look how badly he want Baz call him by his name. And this discussion happend right after he thought about how Baz dating. He touched him to start this conversation. And again - whole thing too intense for Baz so he brings all of his defence mechanisms in - insulting and ignoring. Yep. Baz mad about Simons name.It is very special for him. Sacred. Erotic. Almost humiliating to say. It is love confession and not less.

But! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Baz name is less important for Simon to say. It is just different way of admiration. I would say it is like extravert/introvert way to express feelings. Like “I will eat this dessert as much as I can before I die from it. I’m going to inhale it. I’m going to be obsessed with it” versus “This dessert is SO precious to me, I will eat it only in a VERY special occasions. I will never ruin it or make it mundane, I never get bored with it”. They are both obsessed with each other names. They are both in love with them. They just different people and they express it differently. And that is also why Simon is so intense about Baz using his name. It’s almost like “I’m obsessed with you. I want you to be in love with me too. Please say my name. Because that’s how I express my feelings and I think that’s how it is". Being all delicate about over-using the name or being too vulnerable and too scared to use it - just not the thing Simon gets, it might actually feels rather cold shoulder for him.

Honestly though. I love how author showed us with this little thing as “name saying”, how different they are.

Aaand end this TED talk with one of my favourite (re-occurring) quotes. (which became sorta the way of flirting between these two)   “You’re an idiot, Snow.”   “You called me Simon before.”   “No, I didn’t.” Excerpt From: Rainbow Rowell. “Carry On.”