#ok maybe that's bitter for no reason
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being bisexual really humbles you like randomly snapping out of the static noise of being in love and realising damn im really going googoo gaga starry eyes and so on over a guy who is literally just some guy
#this is a joke I'm joking I love men#but it's a little funny if you zoom out#but you know what!! the point is that they ARE just some guy!!! that's why we go stupid#I could never go stupid over a completely conventionally attractive person no blemishes no wonkiness etc#so I'm saying this with complete love in my heart for my fellow bisexuals and esp bi women#who get the most (it seems to me) genuine ridicule over this#also just remembered that post that is like I'm so happy for you and your ugly fucking boyfriend etc#I fucking hate it it has such wretched vibes every time I come across it. something is just so off#well fuck u i AM happy abt my ugly fucking boyfriend!!!!!! maybe you should get yourself one as well and shutup#ok maybe that's bitter for no reason#but well the post itself feels bitter for no reason so#vegan.txt
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There's this one popular blogger who is somehow always in the same fandoms as me which I know because every time I go to a tumblr friend's blog I see their posts there. And just recently I saw that they had made a post saying that fandom is supposed to be about fun and creativity not arguing over whose ship is the most problematic. And to this person, I just want to say, YOU BLOCKED ME FOR SHIPPING WINCEST.
#like ok to be clear i don't actually care about getting blocked#but the reason im relatively confident this is why i was blocked is that we'd had a few friendly conversations when i was more into destiel#and then they started posting some really nasty wincesties dni stuff#like stuff involving threats of violence#and then a little while after that i realised they'd blocked me#and ok that was a pretty long time ago maybe they've chilled out since then#i hope so!#I'm not in a position to judge anyone who got suckered in by antis and then realised how toxic that environment really is#I'm just still a little bitter i guess
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experiencing any level of joint pain for longer than a day or two has only reinforced my belief that ppl with chronic pain are actually the strongest motherfuckers on the goddamn planet
#marzi speaks#hi. my knees r still kinda fucked up. at some point a few days ago i hyperextended my elbows#so now those have been hurting#my traps r fucked bc i’ve been stressed and those are prone to holding tension in me#my knee pain made me walk wrong for a little bit so now i’m trying to fix that to alleviate the foot and ankle pain#oh yeah. my thumb is still tender for some reason despite the tendonitis having been healed as well#the only part of my body that hasn’t betrayed me as of yet is my spine and pelvis#i am so sick of moving and having it hurt#and like i can go about my day n shit. and have a good time#but it is always there and it is fucking annoyingggg#and ppl with chronic pain just live their whole lives like this.#and they don’t blow up and attack anyone who treats them shitty about it#and i am amazed#bc i talked to my dad abt maybe going to the doctor abt my knees to see what’s going on#bc i don’t remember injuring them at all and i don’t really feel too much improvement on a day to day#and he just gave me a stretch to do about it#now the stretch helps. but my knees still hurt. so like. what do u want from me#if i were to bring it up again he’d probably say it wasn’t a big deal. he’s seen me hobble around the house n how slow i’m moving rn#i normally run around my house. i have been walking at a pace that pisses me off bc i’m impatient#even just having like. worries that are probably exagerrated get dismissed like that has kinda made me wanna kill him a little bit#and this is something that i know is gonna heal and get better#ppl with chronic pain don’t Get That. and they are still dismissed constantly#how do you not like. murder everyone around you. the infinite patience. genuinely the strongest among us#i didn’t mean to complain in these tags as much as i did (my knees r actually doing pretty ok rn and my ankles are getting better)#but i suppose i am bitter
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haruka should be allowed to be mad at kiryu tbh
#not just in y6 but like all the time#dont get me wrong i LOVE them and i love them being sweet and happy and i love kiryu being a good dad ok#but kiryu is uh. not always the best. in ways that i think she should be upset about#and i think the canon narrative doesnt rlly wanna address that bc kiryu is trying so hard and that effort must be forgiven#and for a happy ending to occur the family must be reunited#and i get that but like. haruka's side of the story is often ignored completely#or else boils down to unconditional daughter love in ways that are supposed to be admirable#and again. i love these two dearly. i love them very very much. but i think that tension should be explored#their relationship would be Very Complex and i think it would be Messy tbh. not like screaming fighting per se but i think haruka should be#allowed some moments of Uncle Kaz Im Sick Of Your Shit type stuff#im not even sure why i feel this way specifically bc i know i used to have reasons for it but like. yeah#even if you dont think haruka's justified or that she's missing some details/perspective or whatever i think she should be hurt and upset#about some of The Bullshit. baby girl needs therapy she needs some support and sometimes kiryu just. idk.#anyway go listen to welly boots by the amazing devil. thats basically my thesis statement#look maybe I'm just projecting my own daddy issues or whatever idk. maybe more people should do that with them like. shit#I'll do it someday I'll make that content i swear#sorry thinkjng about the unconditional daughter love again. she's kind of an ideal. she's a fantasy sometimes of a daughter figure who will#always understand how hard you're trying and be cute and love you no matter what. does that make sense??? and it's like. like i almost feel#bad for knocking that bc i get parents are under a lot of stress but i think she should have that power and that agency to be upset with#him. idk if im making sense. she's reduced to the Ideal Daughter and i want her to be loving and kind but with some moments of bitterness
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enemyship ended with nick now i hate alan 💪
#not his real name cause his name is pretty unique compared to nick 😭#also nico took nick as a 2ndary name so it would be a bit weird 😭#anyway#the last time a popular guy liked us was to try to make a joke out of us so there's no way he could#even if he does we're not going to get together bc osdd shit yk#i dont like him but i think i know who does but ill spare their embarassment <3#multiple people is wild#maybe im just bitter to popular ppl bc of reasons LMAO 😭#idk im just going to avoid him more than we already do and hope he stops staring#i also nearly choked our friend when she tried to hug me without asking cause i panicked 😭 mb#ok im done talking o7#ep
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Jokingly thought to myself "Kakashi got a sharingan pass bc the Uchiha like him" which turned into "dumb au where the Uchiha just really like Kakashi for some reason (clan stuff??)"
Which then turned into two separate fic ideas where either Obito survives and Kakashi is a hot commodity for the Uchiha (much to Obito's displeasure, he has dibs you guys go away what the fuck!!); or a kid era fic where the Uchiha take one look at Obito's eye in his head and go "DIBS!! DIBS!!! THIS MEANS WE HAVE DIBS!!!!" and just violently adopt him
Anyways:
Really stupid 'Madara adopts Kakashi after Sakumo's death' AU where Madara never left the village and continues to live as a very grumpy old man.
He adopts Kakashi partially out of spite for half-Hatake!Tobirama + the Hatake were very old Senju allies so spite for that too. Plus a little bit of "damn, another once strong clan wittled down to nothing"
(The fact he never left means Tobirama died at a much later date and also made Kagami hokage)
Madara is visiting Tobirama's grave just to go "get fucked bastard, I stole your nephew, he's mine now." (Ignoring the fact Tobirama probably would have quietly approved anyways)
Obito is around and hates Madara with an inexplicable burning rage and the feeling is mutual. Madara has beef with this literal 11 year old and it's embaressing for both of them.
Obito just has another reason to be mad about Kakashi's general existence (why does the old man seem to like HIM???? What the FUCK????) Obito doesn't know whether he should be telling Kakashi to stay away from Madara or Madara from Kakashi. He does both.
Also Madara and Tobirama were like DEFINATLEY gay together but it was kept behind closed doors and also they continued to hate on eachother in and out of the bedroom. They had the energy of a married couple who regularly gets divorced and remarried like 3 times a month. Everyone hates them.
Madara regularly goes to cuss out Tobirama's grave when mad ab something, then ends his rant with a quiet, begrudging, "miss you, bastard."
Just in general mad bitter old guy Madara harassing the general Konoha population as equally grumpy, 9 years old and almost as bitter as he is Kakashi watches
Kakashi is going to grow up to be an even bigger bastard than canon, thanks Madara!
Eventual obkk where Obito realizes if he marries Kakashi one day Madara will be his dad and he almost seriously considers just. Not.
Is it really worth it. Is it REALLY worth it. Before he sees Kakashi smile or smthn and goes FUCK ok maybe it's worth it.
#birds fic talk#naruto#kakashi hatake#uchiha madara#madara uchiha#hatake kakashi#kakashi#obkk#obito uchiha#uchiha obito#kkob#obikaka#kakaobi#tbmd#mdtb#tobimada#madatobi#senju tobirama
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Familiarity & Whiskey // Simon "Ghost" Riley x Fem!Reader
Summary: Simon and Johnny get in a fight, which is how Simon crosses your path. Thinking your an easy mark for quick comfort and a quick fuck, he's not aware you're in the UK to meet your estranged father. Your circles running tighter with his than he thinks...
(Unedited)
Poor Simon can't catch a fucking break. Let this man nut and smoke a cigarette.
CW: feminine descriptions and pronouns used, alcohol consumption, making out, heavy petting, allusions to oral (male receiving), Simon's lowkey highkey manipulative, absent father!John Price, don't think too hard about age gaps i gave up
Request by: @i-live-in-spite
NSFW 18+ MDNI
"Go to hell, Riley. ‘S where ye fuckin’ belong."
That had been Johnny’s direct words.
Which was the first and only time Johnny had addressed by just his last name. Usually it was some irritating nickname, his callsign, or his rank delivered with the Scotsman’s usual bright eyes and mirth that somehow made it less annoying to Simon. And when it was his real name, in serious times, it was his first name, with a sincere look and genuine inflection. Never just ‘Riley’.
But Johnny had spit his last name like it was a curse. Something that tasted bitter in his mouth, something poisonous.
Hell, maybe it fucking was. And it had him craving something volatile- destructive. Alcohol, sex, a pack of cigarettes… and if he couldn’t get one of those to self-medicate this poisonous streak, he’d settle for bloodying his fists before the end of the night.
A shit mission with a shit conclusion. A shit day. Fuck, a shit year. Culminating in a clash between Lieutenant and Sergeant, Simon’s icy seething clashing Johnny’s explosive rage about a bad call made worse by Simon’s version of coping- cold indifference and colder jokes. Actions had consequences, isn’t that what Simon always told his sergeant? Maybe that’s why Simon was stewing in the shitty pub close to base crawling with recruits after Gaz and Price had forcibly split up the confrontation right as it was about to get physical.
Price had all but shoved him off base while Gaz took Soap somewhere to cool off- probably the gym or some equally shitty pub on opposite ends of the city. So there he was, sulking in a corner, nursing the only bourbon this bar offered, stewing over whether or not he needed to apologize.
The thought of apologizing burned worse than the bottom shelf bourbon he was sipping. He was Ghost. The Ghost. He didn’t apologize. This was one of those times he would’ve actually appreciated Price’s usually unwarranted ’sage’ advice- but he was tied up, still on base and pissed off because he was trying to wrap up mission reports and now was cleaning up Simon’s mess.
—
"Excuse me? Would it be ok if I sat here? I’m waiting for someone but the guys at the bar won’t leave me alone." You were biting your lip a little, trying your best not to look too awkward as you asked the tall, dark, and you assumed handsome but you couldn’t tell around the mask he was wearing. You felt nervous, but not to be talking to you, you were nervous for a laundry list of other reasons. Including and limited to meeting your father for the first time since you were barely three years old.
When the pub had been suggested to you, you’d thought the closeness to his base was an advantage- casual, easy, public, nearby- what you hadn’t accounted for was the herds of young soldiers that would also be there. Trying to buy yourself a drink to calm your nerves while you waited had resulted in four heinous pick up lines, three cocktail napkins with phone numbers scrawled on them, two vulgar gestures, and one marriage proposal. Like the 12 days of Christmas song, but from hell. The only place that wasn’t buzzing with sloshed young soldiers was a dark corner with an absolute behemoth of a masked man, two empties and a half drank tumbler of whiskey. Despite (or perhaps because of) the nerves, jet lag, and shot of tequila you’d just took because of said nerves, you considered yourself something of a strategist.
After you asked, narrowed amber eyes flicked up to you appraisingly, pinning you to your spot. Even slightly slouched over his drink, he was huge. Not just tall, but built like a brick house. He wasn’t wearing an actual military uniform, but everything about him just read military. He stared at you for a second, then a minutes, stretching into two. To your credit, you kept your chin high and your eyes level on his. Right as you started to say, "Never mind, sorry to bother-"
" ’s fine." His voice was deep and kind of gravelly, low enough that his quiet tone was almost lost to the barroom chatter. His accent wasn’t one you’d heard before, a bit sharper and choppier than the accent John had on the phone. He scooted further into the booth, dragging his drink with him. As you turned back and slid into the corner booth, he scrutinized you again, like you were supposed to be familiar to him, "I know you?"
"Doubt it." You smiled, a tight lipped but warm thing. You knew you didn’t know him considering this was the first time you’d set foot in this country. Not to mention you’d undoubtedly remember a character like this. So instead, you offered him your name and an outstretched hand. He nodded, neither returning the exchange or shaking your hand, just grunting to show he heard you.
Still, he scanned you again. Simon was sure he’d never met you, but there was something about you that was eerily familiar. It was the feeling of someone’s name being on the tip of his tongue but slipping between thoughts before he could place it, or a song that as soon as he tried to think about it the melody slipped away. It wasn’t your physical features, as pretty of a bird as you were. That little smile, the way you carried yourself, the saunter in your walk, how your shoulder were held, the set of your jaw, you were young in the face but seemed older, the casual confidence so rare for someone your age… These were all things so familiar to him, but he couldn’t connect it to it’s match. Maybe it was the bourbon.
"Y’not from ‘round here." He stated, and it wasn’t a question. Simon knew it as a fact. For the life of him, he couldn’t figure out why someone not from here would patronize a piss-poor pub like this, especially a bird like you- pretty and warm and put together. He rose an eyebrow that shifted the brow of his mask, "What brings you?"
Blunt and to the point. Definitely military. You leaned back against the booth, your finger tracing the glass rim of the wine glass you’d set down in front of you. White wine from a shit hole like this was one of the many clues that you didn’t belong here.
"Meeting someone important." You answered vaguely with another one of those warm but tight smiles. Seriously, where did he know that from? "He’s late."
"A date?" He pressed further with eyes that were somehow intense and disinterested at the same time. You couldn’t decide if his bluntness was a military quirk or social dysfunction, or possibly both. Of course he couldn’t know that this was the furthest thing from a date you could be doing tonight, which made you laugh, loudly and suddenly. The noise took Simon off guard, but not for it’s spontaneity or for how bright and beautiful it was , but because it tugged at that feeling a familiarity, bordering on nostalgia.
"Oh, god no." You rushed, shaking your head and forming an X over your chest for good measure, still laughing a bit as you took a sip of wine. Still, you weren’t sure how you were supposed to describe John. "Not a date. I’m just meeting…. someone important."
Simon doesn't know why this pleased him. Something about you being available and talking to him as opposed to the damnably flashy and obnoxious grunts wearing their dress uniforms to the pub on a fuckin’ Tuesday… Simon’s mouth quirked into a subtle smirk as he lifted his mask enough to take a sip of his bourbon, not missing how your too-familiar eyes followed the movement, intrigued and keen, “Who then?"
"Nope, I’ve already answered, like, three questions. Your turn?" There was that casual confidence again as you turned the question on him with that little grin, legs cross under the table as your nails clicked against the sticky wood table, "What brings you here?"
Simon’s expression under the mask soured again, eyes fixing on the lipstick stain on your wine glass. Pretty color… He wondered how it’d look smeared along his mouth. Or his cock. He shook that thought out of his head, bringing his eyes back to yours. Maybe it was the bourbon that loosened his tongue, or maybe those eyes of yours, “Got in a fight with a mate o’ mine. It was… suggested that we give each other some space.”
‘Suggested' was nice was of saying Price manhandled him all the way to the guard station at the gate. Like a scolded dog being put outside.
“So you’ve put yourself in the corner? Are you in timeout?” You quirked an eyebrow in another frustratingly familiar gesture, something that made him chuckle instead of bristle as you gestured to the dark corner he’d been lurking in.
“Something like that.” He nodded, swirling the whiskey in his glass.
“What was the fight about?” You asked casually, taking another sip of your wine. Normally so private, Simon would’ve bitten a stranger’s head off for such a personal question. But coming from you, between his desire to keep your attention on him and the ever present nagging sense of familiarity, he just sighed.
“Hard week pushed some buttons. We’ve both got tempers. Mine’s worse.” He explanation was simple, both from characteristic standoffishness and the fact the mission that had provoked this fight had taken place in a country the British Military was not supposed to be. Another deep sigh like the confession took something wrenching from him, “He puts up with me usually, but I… said somethings’ I shouldn’t’ve.”
You nodded sagely, taking in the rather vague information with eyes settled on the far wall as if you were doing mental math, quiet deductions. He recognized this look from somewhere, this was the look of someone looking for answers and solutions. Your fingers tapped against the table again before your eyes slid back to him, “So you were both assholes to each other, but you were worse?”
“Yeah. That’s the gist of it.” Simon scoffed as you boiled down his already barebones explanation even further. You nodded again, looking at him quizzically.
“Have you thought about just apologizing?” You rose an eyebrow at him, your head cocking a little to the side. The most obvious answer in the world that for some reason he couldn’t wrap his hand around. He opened his mouth to protest, but you were quicker, voice chiding in way he’d heard before- but from where?, “No, let me guess, it’s not that simple, you can’t just apologize.”
For a moment you dropped your voice a little lower and attmepted a half imitation of his Mancunian accent which would’ve been offensive if it wasn’t exactly what he was about to say. You huffed a quiet lap before returning to your normal tone with a roll of your eyes, “Believe me, yes, it is that simple, and, yes, you can just apologize. And if you truly think it’s not something an apology would fix, let him get one good hit in and get it out of your systems. Problem solved.”
“Get it out of our systems?” Simon asked a little incredulously, despite the sampling of a sharp wit and the occasional hard glint to your eyes, he hadn’t expected someone as soft looking as you to jump to punching as a serious form of conflict resolution. Hell, you sounded more like his Captain Price than some random pretty thing in a pub, “that’s terrible advice.”
“You telling me you would’ve seriously taken my apologize and talk it out advice?” Your eyebrows raised again as you leaned forward on your elbows onto the table- another frustratingly familiar look that would’ve distracted him if your now exposed cleavage didn’t distract him further. He swallowed as he stared, feeling the growing need to get something out of his system, and his fight with Johnny was becoming less and less forefront in his mind.
“Not a chance.” He shook his head, sniper eyes locking in on the drop of wine that escaped your glass and slid between your breasts, quickly disappearing between skin and under your shirt. He could find it with his tongue, bet your skin made the wine sweeter…
“Yeah,” You laughed again, setting down the empty glass, finding this intriguing masked character to be a wonderful distraction from the anxiety of this upcoming meeting. And if John was running late, you’d take advantage of the distraction, “Figured as much.”
___
An hour and another glass of wine later, you’d continued to scoot closer to the masked man in the booth with you. He was first to initiate contact, throwing an arm over your shoulders in the pretense of keeping you close enough to hear over the rowdy group cheering on a rugby game, it was you who had leaned into his side. His hand had found your thigh first, but your nails were tracing little shapes and words against his forearm.
“Who was it you were meetin' 'ere, sweetheart?” Simon asked again, his mask still rolled over his nose again as he took another sip of his bourbon, lips grazing your earring as his breath fanned over your neck. He wondered how you would react if his teeth tugged one of the pretty little earrings you’d picked out. You were distracted noticing how his accent minced certain letters in syllables in a delectable way, “Only a fool’d keep you waitin’ this long.”
Two glasses of wine and jet lag had done away with your need for vague answers as you leaned into him, shivering as the smell of bourbon, cigarettes, and gunpowder started to overpower your perfume. You swallowed, eyes meeting his with a bit of nervousness he hadn’t been able to pick up on you until just now, “I’m meeting my father. We’ve been estranged most of my life. And he’s an hour and forty five late now.”
“Shit.” Simon muttered under his breath, not thinking you could’ve said anything that could really surprise him. Meeting your estranged father and yet you’d spent the last two hours coaching and comforting him through a fight with his friend. That level of self sacrifice should’ve clued him into your parentage almost immediately, but he was busy staring at how your wide eyes were staring up at him through your lashes, teeth toying with the seam of your lips that your tongue kept darting out to wet.
“I’m a little nervous.” You admitted, the nail that was tracing shapes on his forearm dropped down to his massive thigh to brace yourself. If you leaned any closer, you’d be all but in his lap- which wouldn’t be the worse thing, both of you mentally decided. You took a deep breath, sipping some of the water you’d ordered midway through your third glass of wine, "A lot nervous, actually.”
One thing about Simon, was that as a sniper, he was opportunistic. When he saw a shot, he took it. And you just lined him up to test his theory on how long it’d take to convince you to slip into the pub bathrooms with him.
His arm around your shoulder adjusted so he could gently brush some hair behind your ear, thumb purposely grazing your cheekbone before he tilted your face up to meet his, “Well, you know the best way to get over your nerves?”
The sudden closeness stunned any witty retort to silence as you hummed for him to continue, swallowing thickly in a way that brought those keenly sharp eyes to watch the bob of your throat. He chuckled lowly to himself, so sweet and perfect, he was about to absolutely ruin you. But he wasn’t evil, he’d put you back together again…
“Gotta… work... it outta your system. Just like you said, sweetheart.” His other hand was kneading into your thigh through the pretty satin of your skirt, such a good girl, with a skirt below your knees, and he looked forward to shredding those tights underneath with nothing but his teeth and bare hands. But… he wondered if he could make you cum through them before he ruined them, and with the way you tensed and then melted at his touch, he was betting the answer was a firm yes. “Gonna let me help you like you’ve been helping me?”
You thought he sure had a funny way of equating this heavy petting to the teasing and mild comfort you’d offered about his fight with this ‘Soap’ guy, but you nodded anyway. All the pent-up anxiety made it an eager motion as he chuckled, leaning forward and catching your mouth, so possessive and borderline aggressive at your compliance. He was a bit of a bully, using his bulk and his weight so you would bend underneath him like he was testing how hard he had to press for you to break, and when you whined at the feeling of him biting your lip, he only swallowed your sounds and laughed into your mouth.
Lips smearing your pretty makeup, one hand tangling your hair into his finger and the other fisting your skirt so it started hiking up your legs, and one of his boots nudging your ankles out of their polite cross so he could start prying your thighs apart. God, you were making out (bordering on hooking up) with a nameless, masked man with anger issues while you waited to meet your estranged father for basically the first time… What had your life come to?
Actually, the absent father bit explained the masked stranger bit if you thought about it for more than three seconds.
“Fuckin’ hell, you’ve gotta be taking the absolute piss, Simon.” A sudden and angry voice, familiar to both of you sounded from the front of your secluded little booth. You jumped back away from your paramour. Simon, apparently was his name, while he only turned in frustrated confusion at his captain interrupted him blowing off steam, just as he’d been instructed when Price all but kicked him off base for the night.
Your eyes went wide in absolute mortification, like you’d melt under the table and just die there. Standing there, watching you sloppily make out with someone he apparently knew, was your father. John Price. Who hadn’t seen you since you were three years old and compulsively carried around a Kermit the frog stuffie everywhere you went… He looked older compared to your hazy memories of him and the singular picture your mother hadn’t burned, and the interesting facial hair only made him look older. You suspected he was capable of looking warm and kind, your mother always said you got his soft eyes and smile, but right now he looked pissed.
“Price?” Simon questioned, yanking his mask back over his mouth to hide the smears of his lipstick, wondering if this temper had something to do with the mission or with his fight with the sergeant and if so, why it was urgent enough to interrupt him right now. He’d noted how you went rigid underneath him, batting his hand out of the balmy soft canyon between your spread thighs before they clamped shut again. Shit, that door was rapidly closing...
You spoke at the same time as Simon, your voice somewhere between hesitant questioning and caught teenager, “Dad?”
“Dad?” Simon immediately parroted, his respect for his Captain superseding the whiskey and lust as he peeled himself off of you quickly doing mental math Olympics to figure out genetics and age gaps, “Bloody Hell, John-“
You shrieked, as Simon didn’t get a chance to justify himself or even ask, how was I supposed to know the bird I was trying to fuck was your kid you’ve never told anyone about? Because your father’s face went red instantly, jumping across the booth and landing a scarily hard punch across Simon’s face, spilling wine and whiskey all over you in the process.
So it was going to be a bloody knuckles kind of night, after all.
____
Sorry I kinda changed up your request a little bit, I started writing and it kinda got away from me. I'm a slave to the little worm in my brain.
#call of duty modern warfare x reader#codmw x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#ghost x you#cod mwii x reader
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The Church of the Broken God (chapter 2)
Words: 5k Tags: Eventual John Price x reader, public masturbation, brainwashing, doublespeak, indoctrination, f!reader, passively suicidal ideation, self destructive habits, horrible bosses, depressed!reader, Cult Leader!Price Summary: Your life has been on a downward spiral for months. It's hard to find a real reason to keep going when everything you do seems to backfire. That is, until you get a flier for a meditation seminar that promises to fix all your problems.
<- prev chapter | next chapter ->
These women are… super nice. You don’t know why it puts you on edge. They’re not doing anything wrong. They buy each other drinks, compliment each other, they’re attentive listeners and laugh at every joke you make. You offer to buy a round, the same as they’ve been doing for you, and you’re not met with a rush to stop you. They look pleased, shoot off thanks and smile the same as they did for the other women. You feel like you’re doing the right thing, you don’t know why it makes your stomach squirm. Maybe you’re just not used to people doing nice things for you.
“You ok?” Nina asks, leaning over the table to frown at you, “you’ve gone all quiet.”
“Yeah, uh, I guess I’m just not used to crowds anymore.” You attempt to cover.
“It’s the compliments isn’t it?” Cassie jumps in, Nina waves her off.
“No, no!” You hold up your hands to defend yourself, “Those are really nice, you’re all really nice! I’m just not-”
“Used to it?” Nina finishes with a wince, “I wasn’t either, it was super awkward the first time I came out for drinks, you remember?”
“Oh my God so awkward, you were like a robot.” Cassie laughs, it takes some of the weight off your shoulders.
“But you get what you put out into the world, y’know? You give kindness, you get it in return, that’s what John says.” Nina nods, she crosses her arms and leans back against the booth. She feels serious, her jaw set and her brows drawn. “I was in a really dark place when I first took John’s class, it felt like I was living a nightmare I couldn’t wake up from. My friends were drifting away, my fiance was cheating on me-” She shakes her head, you wince at how closely your situation matches, “-I was so bitter and it made me mean, I get why no one wanted to be around me.”
“Nina-” Cassie sighs, her sympathy obvious. Nina waves her off again, sitting forward to grab her drink.
“Whatever, it’s in the past now.” Nina mutters, your heart aches for her. You set a hand on her shoulder, giving it a friendly squeeze. She smiles at you. It feels… good. You can see yourself in her, your pain and suffering. It’s a weight that she carries the same as you. “Kyle really helped me a lot, Christ I owe him a whole bakery.”
“Nina!” Cassie squeals, shoving at her. Nina’s shoulder bumps against you, warm. Camaraderie. Did you forget what it was like to have friends? When was the last time you saw your own? The last time they laughed with each other, with you? “You’re so bad,” Cassie laughs.
“What? He’s hot!” Nina laughs back. You feel a little left out. Your stomach clenches.
“Sorry, who’s Kyle?” You ask, “Your boyfriend?”
“She wishes,” Cassie snorts into her drink. Nina shoves at her.
“He’s a counselor, life coach sort of guy.” Nina explains, “He has a class at the rec center on Wednesdays-” Claire’s phone pings “-honestly it’s worth going just to see him, God I wanna make a sandwich out of that man.”
“I’m gonna hit the bathroom,” Claire announces. You glance at the other women at the table. None of them move. Weird, you would have thought women this close would be biting at the bit to accompany her. You always used the buddy system with your friends. Especially at bars. In fact the other women at the table seem to ignore her, only acknowledging her enough to move out of the way.
You guess there’s a black sheep in every friend group. You know the feeling. You tap your fingers against the table watching her retreat to the bathroom. You don’t have a good feeling about letting her go alone. Nina’s insistence on “putting kindness into the world” or whatever is running through your head and you just… you can’t let her be on the outskirts of the friend group alone. You’re not even really part of it, but everyone is being so nice- you won’t be the reason this girl is left out.
“Oh um, I’m gonna ask the bartender something,” You tell the girl on your left, shit what was her name “can you-?
“Sure!” She pushes herself out of the booth to let you out, quickly cozying up next to Nina when you vacate the spot. You glance at the table over your shoulder as you make your way towards the bar, then make a hard turn towards the bathrooms. No one’s paying attention to you, that’s good.
You push the bathroom door open, trying to be quiet in case Claire’s shy. You’ll just, uh, wash your hands and pretend you’re fixing your outfit when she comes out. Nothing weird about that. Totally normal thing that people do, and not like you’re waiting for her to come out of the stall so you can- What? Commiserate about being left out? Ugh, you don’t know why you even-
There’s a distinct, wet, noise coming from one of the stalls. A ‘shlick, shlick’ sound that you recognize all too easily. You catch the bathroom door to keep it from slamming and cover your mouth. Fingers sliding against a wet slit, a soft huff of a stifled moan, and the quiet low rumble of a man’s voice. Deep and throaty, she’s on the phone with someone, or listening to something. You can’t tell which, what you can tell is that Claire --the girl who had seemed almost too shy to ask you to join them-- is masturbating in a public bathroom. And you’re standing there listening. You’re not sure which is worse. It squirms like bile in your stomach, you’re intruding, you’re being a creep. Your own cunt clenches.
A quiet whimper leaves Claire’s mouth and you rush back out of the bathroom. You catch the door a second time to make sure she doesn’t hear it slam, then you press yourself against it. You fan your face, try to get your breathing right, fix your face. Fix your damn face! You press your hands to your cheeks, and squeeze your eyes shut. Oh my God.
You make your way back to the table, doing your best to avoid looking at anyone. The girl who moved for you initially lights up when she sees you, hopping out of the booth and ushering you in. You feel a little awkward sliding into the middle with Nina, but you don’t want to cause a fuss with so many people watching you. Good lord do they all have to look at you?
“Did the bartender have what you were looking for?” Nina asks. Your eyes dart to her.
“The- oh, uh, no. I was wondering if he had a phone charger.” You cover quickly.
“I have a power bank you can use,” Cassie offers. You open your mouth to turn her down before remembering that would blow your story out of the water.
“Sure.” You relent, forcing a smile onto your face.
“No problem,” Cassie chirps, digging through her purse to tug a power bank and two different chargers free, “it feels good to do nice things for people, don’t you think?”
“Yeah,” you agree absentmindedly, fussing with the charger and plugging your phone in. An alert for a non-branded charger pops up and you quickly dismiss it.
The conversation moves on to other topics, but you hardly pay attention. Your eyes are glued to the bathroom door, waiting for Claire. When she does finally exit she looks the same as when she left. No ruddy cheeks, no guilty glances around, no rumpled shirt or anything that would give away what she was doing in the bathroom. You try not to narrow your eyes as they flick over her body. You don’t want to look like you’re checking her out, you just want proof that you heard what you heard.
“Welcome back,” Someone says, and Claire beams at them.
“Who’s buying the next round?” Claire asks.
You drift in and out of conversation. Someone offers to split an uber with you, apparently they live in the same building. You wonder how you never noticed them before, but they hug you before you get off the elevator.
“It was nice to connect with you,” She hums, “it feels nice being part of something, doesn’t it?”
You don’t get a chance to answer before the doors close.
-
Wednesday, you think, flipping through your phone while you brush your teeth. Nina said her life coach guy was on wednesdays right? Curious, you check the rec center’s website.
“For the Whole You!” The site banner reads in friendly font. You scroll down to their calendar. There’s a lot of pictures of people smiling, a pie chart of something, testimonials, blah blah blah. The calendar is easy to read at least. And packed. It looks like meditations happen every three days, you spot John’s name easily. Price, huh, that’s a cool last name. Wednesdays…
You click on the only Kyle you see, and a page pops up with- Christ- one of the most beautiful men you’ve ever seen. Kyle Garrick, life coach with a masters in psychology. That doesn’t sound too bad. You thought life coaches were just con men in ripped jeans, but this guy seems like he might actually know what he’s talking about. John’s name pops up again, a short anecdote from Kyle about serving with him. Huh. That’s kind of interesting you guess.
You think back on the meditation lesson you’d attended, the power that John seemed to carry in simple actions, the musculature, the way he’d pinned you in place with a single tilt of his head. Military fits you guess. You click on his class and tap your fingers against the side of your phone as you think. The class has a helpful registration counter at the side, letting you know there’s one spot left for the wednesday evening class. It’s not like you have anything else going on, and it’ll fill your usual therapy slot. It’s twenty for a single class. That’s not too bad, less than therapy co-pays. You make an account on the site, begrudgingly signing up for their email list, and send twenty dollars into the void.
You get an email from Kyle about an hour later as you’re scrolling through instagram, avoiding looking at the time. It feels pretty standard, welcoming a new person, attaching a survey on what you want to work on. You type out a few quick words promising you’ll get to it in the morning. Your email pings a few minutes later.
“You must be an insomniac, just tackle it now.” You narrow your eyes at the screen, “Might help you sleep to accomplish a task before bed.”
What sort of weird logic- fine. You squint at the questionnaire, typing out your answers as best you can. Honest enough to get some advice but not honest enough to get sent to the hospital has always been your MO with these things. This one is sort of weird, but you’re exhausted, too sleep-addled to pay proper attention.
Are you lonely? Do you ever feel out of place? Do you have dreams where you act as someone else? Have you heard of the law of attraction? When someone says they feel “connected” to you, how does that make you feel?
Do you ever feel talked over?
Do you ever feel pushed out of conversations? Do you find it hard to accept yourself?
Are you on the path you want to be?
You rub your eyes, typing as best you can.
Where do you see improvement for yourself?
Describe yourself in one negative word.
You type, and type. It feels never ending. Worse than the insomnia that keeps you up. It’s nearly two hours later when you finish. You send it off to Kyle without another thought, and snuggle down into your blankets. You’re so tired.
Your phone buzzes. You roll over to check it. Another email from Kyle.
“Thanks, this looks great! :)” You sigh. At least your work checks out. That’s good, you’re sure it’s just an auto-response, but you appreciate it nonetheless. Another message pops up. Your email alerting you to a new response in the chain.
“How long have you had trouble sleeping? I know a few good remedies.” You sigh, the screen hurts your eyes. You don’t know what inspires you to reply, why you don’t simply roll over to sleep. The attention is nice, you suppose.
“A few months. What’s your miracle cure?” You stare at your phone, let the blue light laser its way over your eyes. The screen dims, you tap it to keep your phone awake. To keep you awake.
“Have you heard of sleep restriction therapy?”
-
Your morning has never felt more miserable. You barely slept and you had to upgrade your usual tea to an instant coffee. You’re nursing the brown sludge that you managed to scrape together from the break room’s limited stores when your least favorite manager swings by your cubicle.
“Did you finish the reports I asked for?” Kevin asks. You do your best to keep your face neutral as you sip your scalding caffeine.
“I told you they’d take me until the end of the day.” You remind him, “It’s nine in the morning.” Nevermind that he’s swinging into the office a full hour late, but you know for a fact that you promised the updated numbers by five today. You have the email to prove it.
“Oh,” Kevin makes a face, his teeth grit as he exhales through them, “I was really hoping you’d work on them last night.”
“Outside of work hours.” You confirm, trying not to sound too much like you’re questioning his less than sound judgement.
Kevin sighs your name with a shake of his head, “You know you’re not going to get very far in this company if you don’t care about your work.”
You take a deep breath through your nose, inhaling as much coffee vapor as you can stomach. It does nothing to calm you down. You can’t be expected to deal with this level of bullshit on practically zero sleep. Maybe you should look into that sleep therapy Kyle sent you, you really can’t keep living like this.
“I care about my work Kevin,” You tell him with as much of a smile as you can manage, “I’ll have the reports to you as soon as possible.”
“Atta-girl,” Kevin praises, snapping his finger to hit you with a nauseating pair of finger guns before moseying back to his office.
If you thought reporting him to HR would do anything you might consider it. As it stands you’ve already tried that twice and gotten nowhere. It just made him more dedicated to making your work life hell. Crazy how they always talk about retaliation in the “Hostile work environment” training videos, but no one seems to give a shit about it when it’s happening to you.
You spend the next two hours swearing at the mess of spreadsheets that Kevin emailed you yesterday. If he’d bothered to clean any of the sheets up it would’ve made your life a hell of a lot easier. You don’t even want to think about how many cells could’ve been saved if he knew how to use just one function. You can feel the start of a migraine pressing against the back of your eyes by the time your stomach is starting to growl at you about lunch.
You glance away from your monitor to rub your eyes, try to get some of the blurry tilt out of them. Your bag sits on the desk next to you, deliriously empty. Fuck.
Fuck that’s right, you’d decided to skip packing a lunch this morning because you were running late for your train.
With a heavy sigh you check your lunch options just as your phone pings.
It’s an unknown number, weird.
You swipe the message open to delete it and pause.
“Hey, it’s Nina! I saw you work near me and was wondering if you’d want to grab lunch?”
You blink at your phone screen. How the hell would she know where you work?
Your sluggish brain clicks away as your stomach churns nervously. You guess Cassie works at the rec center, she’d see applications that come through, membership stuff. Maybe Cassie gave it to her? Nina was the one who suggested you sign up for Kyle’s class, maybe Cassie wanted to, you don’t know, spread the good news of your signing up?
Your head throbs.
You’re not really operating at 100% right now, you’re not sure you want to interact with someone who seems to have their life together.
“My treat?” Nina double texts you.
Alright, you can pretend to be a human being for free lunch.
You’re almost relieved to see Nina has a little darkness under her eyes, purple sleeplessness that she’s tried to hide with concealer. It makes you feel a little better for your own sluggish brain to think that she might be tired too.
“I know this is probably totally weird,” She laughs when you greet her with a raised hand, “You’re probably like, oh my god this bitch is a stalker, how does she know where I work?”
“I figure Cassie gave it to you, because I signed up for your favorite class.” You yawn, as she nods.
“That’s smart,” She says nothing about your second yawn, “wouldn’t have been my first thought.” You hum, before deciding a verbal answer is friendlier.
“Yeah, I mean it seemed sort of weird, but you don’t strike me as the stalker type.”
“Tell my ex-fiance that,” Nina says with an eye roll, “ask to share your location one time- of course I was right to be a stalker but…”
You snort and she positively beams at you. You have to squint to avoid blinding yourself in the sunshine of it. She links her arm with yours and tugs you along to walk with her. You do your best not to tug your arm out from her hold, not used to being touched so casually.
“So what are you in the mood for?” She asks, leading you down the street.
“I’m not picky,” You tell her, trying to be easy. You could really go for something warm right now, you think you might be coming down with something.
“You look exhausted,” Nina coos sympathetically, “Maybe you should go home instead. Rest.”
You rub your eye with the heel of your hand and shake your head. “I’ve got a lot to get done today.”
“Surely your boss won’t mind you taking some sick time?” She sounds so sincere, you feel bad when you bark out a laugh. Nina frowns, “One of those, huh?” You sigh, letting yourself feel the heaviness in your limbs like a sick indulgence.
“Just a few more hours,” You assure her, “Then I can go home and sleep.”
“Let’s get something good in you before then.” Nina nods to herself.
Nina orders for you and sets a steaming bowl of rice and saucy vegetables in front of you. It smells heavenly, like ginger and coconut, and there’s little crispy bits of something sprinkled on top. She has a salad, and shakes it vigorously in front of her while you mix up the yellow curry and rice. Even just the thought of the food’s warm steam settling in your stomach energizes you. You glance at Nina and she’s got her head bowed.
You-
Pause.
A little awkward in the face of what must be prayer. You’re not quite sure if you’re supposed to start without her, or if that’s rude. You don’t know the protocol for this. After a moment she raises her head and blinks at you.
“Oh my gosh, were you waiting for me?” She asks, scandalized. You nod, unsure what to do with your hands. You settle on spooning a heap of curry and rice into your mouth. You figure that’s fine since she’s done. “That’s really sweet of you,” She smiles. She doesn’t give you any indication if this was the right thing to do. You stare at your bowl and chew.
“I was going to invite you to hang at the rec center after work,” Nina starts, waving her fork with a sigh, “but I don’t want you to push yourself if you’re exhausted.”
“Do people hang out at the rec center?” You question, trying to remember if you saw other people there when you went yesterday. It had seemed fairly empty, almost abandoned, but maybe you’d been too focused on getting to your class to notice anything else. The class was full, so there must have been other people hanging around.
“Of course,” Nina gives you a look like you’re crazy for asking, “like all the time. It’s a nice spot just to chill and see people. John doesn’t mind us hanging around.”
John. That was the meditation instructor’s name, wasn’t it? It’s pretty common, you doubt it’s the same guy. Why would an instructor mind if people hung around anyway? Cassie had pointed you towards a lounge area last night so there must be more of those to steal for chatting.
“The meditation instructor?” You ask dumbly. It’s not the question you want to ask, but it’s the only thing that sticks on your tongue. Nina hums her assent.
“He runs the place.” She explains, “he’s super nice, really cares about bringing people together, building community, connections.”
She says the word like it means something: connections. It sticks in your sluggish mind, but doesn’t raise any red flags.
“Sounds like a good guy.” You shove another bite into your mouth.
“He is.” Nina tells you. Tells you, like she’s demanding you try and disagree with her.
You blink. There’s a coldness to her face, there and gone. She smiles, and tucks into her salad.
Maybe she’s got a thing for him. You make a note not to say anything bad about him to her.
He seemed nice, good looking, she could do worse.
You suppress a shiver at the memory of his hands on you, pushing you forward and pulling you back like it was the most natural thing in the world. His touch is the first you’ve had in a long time that didn’t make you cringe and want to squirm away. Actually his class was the most relaxed you’ve been in, well, ever and the short nap you’d taken was probably the best sleep you’d had in months. You’d almost be willing to give up on going straight home after work if you knew John was going to be at the rec center, maybe you could slip in another meditation workshop?
You want to ask Nina about it, but you also don’t want to give her the wrong idea. If she does have a crush on the guy, it’s probably not great to ask too many questions about John if you want to stay in her good graces.
“Right,” You try, “yeah his class was great, and I’m, uh, looking forward to Kyle’s class too.” Not your best subject change, but Kyle’s name makes Nina light up.
“Oh yeah, you’re going to love it!” She assures you.
“Yeah, I- yeah,” The attitude shift has you a little stunned, your molasses thoughts stick to your tongue as you try to collect them, “He sent me this huge questionnaire last night, it was really, um, in depth?” You try to remember one of the questions but wading through your mind is difficult with so little sleep.
“Well,” Nina stabs her fork into her salad, you flinch at each punctuating crunch of lettuce, “he has to get to know you, silly, so he can help you.” You stir your curry in jerking motions, for something to occupy your hands. “You can’t pull yourself out of a hole,” Nina tells you with a blank smile, “someone has to throw you a rope.”
-
You were almost happy to get back to work. Kevin chewed you out about taking too long a lunch, and you were probably going to get an ulcer from all the tylenol you took, but you were happy getting away from Nina. She’d chatted your ear off about Kyle and somehow didn’t answer a single one of your questions about him. Not that you had any chance to get a word in edgewise. You couldn’t handle the perky tone in her voice by the time your lunch ended. At least you didn’t have to pay for your own food.
You manage to get Kevin his spreadsheets before five. You still leave the office late and thankless.
You doze on the train home, your head tugging at your neck each time the doors opened, and you barely make it into your house before you’re collapsing on the couch.
Yeah, you couldn’t have made it to the rec center like this.
You startle awake when your ass starts vibrating. You blearily fumble for your phone and swipe at the screen, turning off your “call Baby” alarm. You should really delete that.
You toss your phone on the coffee table with a sigh and turn onto your back to stare at the ceiling fan. Ten. You slept for a good couple hours. You’re starving.
And you’re not going to be able to sleep tonight because of this nap.
Great.
-
You consider canceling your registration for Kyle’s class as you sit on the train heading to the rec center. You could just go home. You sort of want to go home, but Cassie had called you this afternoon to confirm your registration and she’d sounded so sad when you’d asked about canceling that you just couldn’t. Also you were pretty sure it was too late to get your money back. So here you were.
At least the rec center is busier than Monday. Cassie had told you the Wednesday meditation was full, maybe this is their busy day. You see people coming in and out, and look for a familiar face in the crowd. You’re hoping to see one of the women you met Monday, but instead your eyes lock on slightly less familiar icy blues.
John smiles at you across the street, and glances both ways before jogging across. You paint on a smile for him, and try not to look like you were avoiding going inside.
“Waiting for someone?” He asks in lieu of greeting. You keep your eyes on his, the creases at the corners of his eyes deepen a little as you stare.
“No, just-” You search for a normal time killing activity, “-people watching.” John hums and steps to stand beside you. The space he takes up feels enormous, like a black hole sucking up your attention, despite the way he crosses his arms over his chest. You peek at the bulge of his bicep against the dark shirt he’s wearing, the stiff fabric stretching to accommodate more man that it was made for. You would’ve expected him in the same comfortable yoga clothes as he was wearing Monday, but this feels more formal. He’s wearing slacks. And oxfords.
“It’s intimidating,” He tells you out of the blue after a moment of silence. Your eyes dart to his face, and your confusion must be all too clear because he chuckles. The deep throaty noise of it makes your stomach clench. “Letting people help,” He fills in, “choosing peace.”
You make a face.
And John touches you.
His hand slides, big and warm, over your back. His fingers spread wide and he leans into your space like he might pull you closer, except you suddenly feel rooted in place. Fear shoots through you, anxiety punctuating your breaths unnecessarily. You fix your face quickly, tamp down the surge of adrenaline that makes you want to run. John isn’t doing anything but looking at you, his smile the same placid thing even as his brows twitch in concern.
“Sorry,” You find yourself apologizing, trying to unlock some of the stiffness in your shoulders, “I’m not used to people touching me.”
“It’s a natural response,” John doesn’t move his hand, his thumb rubs against your back and you feel the unnatural drag of your shirt against your skin like sandpaper, “You’re trying to protect yourself. Silly little thing that people have gotten into their heads these days, that everyone’s out to get them.” He tips his head, and you’re hit with a wave of claustrophobia, the open air seems to sink into you until you’re a single focus point in a tiny void. “Doesn’t that feel awful?”
His words feel like they’re sinking into you, echoing every thought that bounces through your tensed musculature. It feels awful, you feel like a cornered gazelle, like a lame wildebeest, like a fly trapped in a spider’s net.
You feel almost pleading the way you must be looking at him. Humiliated to react like this to something so simple.
He smiles brighter and his hand leaves you, you suck in a breath and feel your lungs ache, “That’s why it’s so important to pick apart that distrust, humans are social creatures, made to be connected to each other. All from the same warm pool, yeah?”
You nod. John nods his head towards the rec center.
“Let me walk you in, you’re here for Gaz’s class right?”
“No, um, Kyle’s.” You correct.
“Ah,” John laughs, his hand reappears on the small of your back, pushing you forward, “old habit, that’s what we called him in the SAS. You’ll like him, not as touchy as me.” He pulls his hand away with a small apologetic smile, “force of habit.”
“It’s fine,” it’s not, “Everyone around here is so friendly, I just have to get used to it.”
John hums, “Already untangling the web, good girl.”
Your stomach clenches pleasantly. You can see why Nina likes him.
#x reader#cod x reader#captain price#captain john price#captain johnathan price#john price#john price x reader#captain price x reader#captain price cod#captain price call of duty#john price cod#john price call of duty#price x reader#price cod#price call of duty#tw cults#sorry there's a lot of just interacting with ocs in this#we'll see Gaz next chapter#already have to up the chapter number#but this got long and I had to cut it in the middle#hi price glad you're doing weird
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megumi fushiguro x fem-reader
p.1 ( ⸝⸝꩜ ᯅ ꩜⸝⸝;) p.2
AN: this is still being edited and I'm not entirely sure if it'll be everyone's cup of tea. it'll be a slow burn, and a long fic but I have an idea laid out! each chapter will be around 3k just to keep things spaced and easy. Thank you for reading!
warnings: i'm putting these here for future chapters too, and ill sprinkle some in as I go. I want to make it clear, there is no underage sex, but later on there will be some more raunchy shit. this is somewhat non-canon compliant-make it up as I go
-ok for the real warnings: yandere, obsessive behavior, possessiveness, mommy kinks, mommy issues, arranged marriages, forced marriages, angst, eventual smut, clan politics, age gap (5 years from meg, and a little over 10 with toji), toji aint the best dad, mentions of child abuse, slowww build. I'm already 20,000 words into this shit so if your ready lets ride.
Short summary: Your arranged marriage to Toji Fushiguro had been sudden and unexpected, but now you found yourself living under his roof alongside his moody stepson. Your only directive from your clan head before moving in was clear: keep a close eye on Toji, the notorious Sorcerer Killer, and his son, a potential sorcerer prodigy.
Lets Begin
Your arranged marriage with Toji Fushiguro had been quick and unexpected.
The black sheep of the Zenin clan wasn’t exactly known for his well-rounded reputation, teetering on the edge of severing all ties to his family at any given moment.
He hadn’t been in contact with them for years, and financial support on their end was nonexistent. He was constantly broke, especially after Megumi was born. He assumed it was retaliation for marrying outside the clan—without their approval. But when his late wife passed, he had already taken on her surname, somewhat severing himself from the dingey clan he had once called "family."
After her death, he picked up side gigs, earning just enough to provide for the two of them. Megumi was older now, around thirteen, which made it easier to leave him alone for longer periods. Toji often took days-long "business" trips.
He’ll admit he wasn’t a great father, but he had kept his promise of keeping Megumi away from the Zenin clan and that sorcerer bullshit.
That was until he received an official notification from the Zenin clan head.
He hadn’t heard from the bastard in years, only to be met with a request—a demand—for his compliance in an arranged marriage. Initially, he planned to refuse. He wasn’t interested in an arranged marriage, wanted nothing to do with the sorcerer world, and even less to do with the Zenin clan. Hell, the only reason he bothered showing up at the clan house that day was to set that fucker straight.
Then he saw you—a pretty little thing. You couldn’t have been more than ten years younger than him, likely just turning seventeen, maybe eighteen. He couldn’t say for sure. But you were just too young for this shit—he knew that much.
They’d already brought you along for the proposal, as if they knew it would change his mind when he saw you. And, fuck, if they weren’t right.
You were beautiful. Polished and respectable. Speaking in low tones like the proper little housewife he was sure they’d trained you to be. He could see the endgame here—the reasoning behind pushing this arrangement on him. It wasn’t subtle.
The higher-ups likely wanted a presence in his home—someone to keep tabs on him and Megumi, no doubt. They hadn’t explicitly stated as much, but Toji had caught whispers through the grapevine about their interest in his son’s cursed technique. And with his own tendency to remain elusive, (and with all the whispers of him being titled a Sorcerer Killer) it wasn’t surprising that they’d want to keep a closer watch on him, too.
The thought of them using someone barely older than Megumi to achieve their goals left a bitter taste in his mouth. The arrangement reeked of manipulation—a calculated ploy to plant a spy in his home, someone to funnel information back to your clan, his clan, and the higher-ups.
Toji didn’t give a rats ass about his reputation, but it was clear they were fishing for confirmation. Likely hoping to uncover all of the unconfirmed truths. No matter how much he tried to brush it off, the whole setup just didn’t sit right with him.
But when he caught the way your eyes stayed steady, unwavering. You looked nearly indifferent to the situation, but he could tell this wasn’t what you wanted. It couldn’t be. You were really just a child. And yet, that dead expression of yours sealed the deal.
He accepted.
Another mouth to feed, another brat to deal with, no doubt. But maybe, just maybe, you’d be able to help keep Megumi in line while he was out working. Better that than leaving you to the wolves. He understood the clan system all too well—how they saw their women, how they treated them.
He’d seen how young brides were shuffled like pawns, in a game of chess. Paired with whichever man could best serve the clan’s interests. The thought of you being handed off to another pathetic bastard made his stomach churn. At least here, under his roof, you wouldn’t have to endure that.
Call it generosity if you wanted. But if he were honest, it wasn’t that. You reminded him of his late wife—the fearlessness bordering on defiance in your eyes. The sheer willpower it must’ve taken to show up in the first place. Most girls in your situation would have cried or begged, pleading not to marry some old geezer, especially one as infamous in the community.
But you didn’t beg. Didn’t cry. You just stood there, composed, unshaken. Bored. You could’ve been out shopping for groceries.
He could respect that.
And like that, the black sheep of the Zenin clan would become your husband. Your family. And your sole protector.
He remembers the quiet way you stepped into his apartment for the first time, your gaze sweeping the room with a calm, measured air. There was no hesitation, no unease—just a quiet assessment of the space, as though you were cataloging everything in that sharp mind of yours.
The look on your face didn’t match someone your age. You carried the weight of forced maturity, a burden that stirred old painful memories he immediately shoved back down.
He could tell you were judging, though you didn’t say anything out loud. It was in the faint crease of your brow, the almost imperceptible way your lips tightened. It sparked a flicker of irritation in him, the kind he couldn’t entirely shake. If you didn’t like it, you didn’t have to stay, yeah?
But, color him surprised, you didn’t say a word. You’d easily found your way to his bedroom, setting your things down, navigating the house easily. Then, as if you’d been living there for years, you got straight to work.
No requests, no questions—just quiet purpose.
It was like you’d already claimed your space, like you’d accepted the role handed to you without a second thought. He wasn't necessarily gonna ask you to do all that, but hell he sure as hell wasn't going to complain.
Your former clan had trained you well. He could see it in the efficiency of your movements, the way you moved through the apartment as though it were second nature. No questions asked, no instructions, no unnecessary chatter. Just straight down to business.
Toji didn’t linger.
He slipped out quietly, already lost in his thoughts about the job he had to handle. He’d be gone for two days—maybe one, if he played his cards right. Not that he needed to tell you. You didn’t need to know the details. You were here to stay put, to take care of things while he was gone. Simple as that.
As he rounded the corner outside the apartment, that nagging feeling crept in—a vague itch at the back of his mind, like he was forgetting something.
He paused mid-step, frowning as he patted his pockets. Wallet? Keys? No, he had those.
His smirk faltered for a moment, but he quickly shrugged it off, muttering under his breath, "Can't be that important."
Megumi had taken the long way home today.
Several boys in his class had been pissing him off to no end, and he’d been itching to punch something. He needed a distraction—something to cool him off. He really couldn’t afford to get into another fight. The pitying looks his teachers gave him felt degrading, especially when Toji never bothered to show to pick him up.
The long way home was scenic, at least. Trees and plants lined the path, offering some peace as he trudged along. He wasn’t sure whether Toji would even be home when he arrived. He never really knew for certain.
And honestly, Megumi wasn’t in the mood to hear his dad’s loud TV shows or his obnoxious phone calls. If he wasn’t, then the apartment would just be empty, cold, and silent.
Either way, it didn’t matter.
What Megumi really cared about was dinner.
The fridge had been empty for weeks, and his deadbeat dad hadn’t bothered to restock it. Megumi had been scraping by, finding ways to earn enough cash for food. Sometimes he’d deliver things for the neighbors or help them with spring cleaning. Those odd jobs usually kept him going, but lately, there hadn’t been any requests. The lack of work only adding to his frustration.
He didn’t interact with Toji much. Their relationship walked a thin line between hatred and indifference. Most of the time, Megumi ignored his father, as much as Toji seemed to ignore him. On the rare occasions Toji remembered Megumi existed, it always ended in chaos—loud arguments, dismissive grunts, relentless teasing, or worse, painfully awkward attempts to act like a parent.
It had been that way ever since Megumi turned eleven. And today, more than anything, he was just hungry. Too hungry to fight with his absentee father, even if he was home. Too tired to care.
Walking up the stairs to his apartment, something caught his eye. The kitchen window was open. That stopped him in his tracks.
Toji wasn’t the kind of guy to leave windows open, even in decent weather—a weird thing to notice, but Megumi was always acutely aware of his surroundings, always attuned to his father’s patterns.
Megumi made his way inside, creeping slowly and so, so quietly. Peeking around the corner, he froze.
Someone was in the kitchen—a girl. No, a woman?
Your back was to him as you worked at the counter, slicing onions with quick, precise movements. He blinked, his sharp eyes narrowing. You were young—maybe just a few years older than him.
Younger than Toji’s usual type, that was for sure. You didn’t fit. Toji wasn’t a stranger to bringing women around the apartment, but they never looked like you. And they never lingered. Most were gone by breakfast, hurrying out with an awkward smile and a strained “bye” when they spotted Megumi at the table.
He watched you chop onions, noticing the glint of a ring on your finger. So, you were married—
“You can come out from there, y’know.”
Megumi flinched slightly, caught off guard. For a brief moment, he felt the sting of embarrassment—spying and getting caught really wasn’t a good look—but he quickly reminded himself this was his home.
He had no reason to feel embarrassed. Straightening his posture, he stepped out from behind the doorway, his sharp eyes fixed on you as you casually wiped your hands on a towel.
You turned to face him, a soft smile playing on your lips. The first thing he noticed was how pretty you were.
Tall and poised, you stood at least a head above him, dressed in modest, traditional clothing that seemed entirely out of place in this shabby apartment. There was something elegant about you, a kind of refinement that felt worlds away from the usual sleaziness of his father’s one-night stands.
“Who are you? Why’re you here?” His tone came out sharper than he intended. Unintentionally huffy and childish, and it made him pause a second.
You studied him for a moment, and for some reason his scowl almost endearing. You introduce yourself and explain, simply, that you lived here.
Megumi’s brow furrowed, and he crossed his arms, his voice ever defiant, no doubt pushed from the shitty day he just had. “You don’t live here. Leave.”
The attempt at a threat would’ve been more intimidating if his stomach hadn’t chosen that moment to growl, easily breaking the tension. You bit back a laugh, quickly covering your mouth, but it was hard not to find the situation amusing.
The way he stood there, furrowed brow and stubborn glare, reminded you of a fussy kitten—all bristling fur and misplaced bravado. It was clear he wasn’t used to strangers lingering in his space, and his defensiveness only made him seem all the more adorable. Still, he was being serious—you really shouldn’t laugh.
He looked so much like Toji—same sharp features, same brooding energy—minus the flat hair and scar. You’d heard about him before coming here, mentioned briefly by your clan head, but the reality of meeting him was something different. He was much cuter than you’d expected, truly embodying the “fussy kitty” vibe, and you had to resist the urge to tease him outright.
“Ah,” lightly, your tone as soothing as you could make it without giggling, “but I’m in the middle of cooking. Why don’t we eat first, and then we can talk?”
Your tone was gentle, your smile genuine, and Megumi couldn’t sense any malice from you. Besides, whatever you were making smelled incredible, and his stomach had been growling from the moment he walked in.
His gaze shifted to the counter, where ingredients and half-prepped dishes were laid out. He hesitated. Sure, his dad had brought women home before, but none of them ever bothered to cook—especially not for him. Against his better judgment, he gave a small, reluctant nod.
And before long, the two of you were sitting at the kitchen table, three plates set neatly in front of you. It was late, but you still held onto the idea that Toji might come home. You made light conversation with Megumi, trying to get a feel for the boy you now understood to be your stepson.
You’d been briefed by your clan about Toji and his son—vague instructions to “watch Toji” and “get on his son's good side.” They hadn’t been specific about why, but their motives were never selfless. Still, you had no intention of playing those games. Not fully.
What you wanted was to build an honest connection with your new family, especially with this grumpy, sharp-eyed boy who seemed to have a chip on his shoulder as big as his father’s. It’s the first time you’d really been away from the clan estate, so this was just really nice.
As the meal went on, you began to learn little things about him. He remained distant, of course, his responses clipped and matter-of-fact—but the warmth of a good meal and your gentle smile seemed to soften him, if just slightly. You managed to coax his name out of him, and though he said it without much fanfare, it felt like a small victory.
It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
It was a Friday night, and you figured Megumi would be around the house tomorrow. As you finished the surprisingly comfortable dinner, your eyes lingered on the third, untouched plate at the table—Toji’s. You wondered, briefly, if he’d show up at all.
“He probably won’t be back tonight,” Megumi said, breaking your train of thought. His voice was matter-of-fact, as if he had long since grown used to this routine. He shoveled another spoonful of food into his mouth before adding, “Probably be gone for a few days.”
This surprised you, sure, but you weren’t going to complain anytime soon. As long as you didn’t have to go back to that horrid clan house, you could put up with a missing husband. In fact, you kind of preferred it this way.
You laughed softly at Megumi’s puffed-up cheeks, causing his ears to dust red as he swallowed quickly. Your constant smiles still seemed to throw him off guard.
The conversation flowed easily—a mix of lighthearted bickering and probing questions on both ends. Megumi was really curious about the random woman that showed up in his home.
“What’s the ring for?” he asked suddenly, his sharp gaze flicking to your hand. His tone was casual, but there was an underlying curiosity, as if he hadn’t noticed the simple band until now.
Your fingers instinctively twisted the warm metal as you glanced down at it, the question catching you off guard.
“Ah, well, I’ve just married,” you replied softly, your voice carrying a faint melancholy despite your attempt to sound neutral. Your eyes zone out as you stare at the heavy band.
“It’s still new…An arrangement by my family.” You hadn’t meant to let that slip, but the truth clung to the edges of your words. Quickly, you smiled, avoiding a damper on the evening. You quickly reached over to ladle another spoonful of food onto Megumi’s empty plate.
“Arranged marriage? With who?” he asked, the concept not foreign but undeniably unsettling. You seemed like such a nice person, except for the fact that you were sitting in his kitchen—someone he’d assumed was just another one of his father’s passing flings.
But unlike the others, you’d cooked for him and his father, cleaned the kitchen till it looked better than it had in weeks. And now you were sitting down to dinner with him, as if you had nothing else you’d rather be doing.
Though he’d only known you for a few hours, he didn’t think you’d be the type to cheat on your husband or worm your way into their lives without cause. Maybe that was just his full stomach talking.
His mind caught up to him, the pieces falling into place.
“…Not…Toji. Right?” His voice faltered, and you couldn’t help but think how strange it was to hear him refer to his father by his first name.
You let out a soft laugh at his shocked expression, restraining yourself from patting his head, before nodding your own. “The one and only,”
The look on his face was comical—brows raised high, his mouth slightly agape. But beneath the initial surprise, there was something darker—an unease that settled into the lines of his frown. Wary, guarded. He didn’t like this, not one bit.
After dinner, you sent Megumi off to bed, tidying up the plates left behind. He didn’t wait for you to finish cleaning, retreating to his room with his thoughts spinning.
As he lay on his bed, staring at the ceiling, he couldn’t stop replaying the conversation in his head. His father was married—to you, of all people. Supposedly. And for some reason, that knowledge left a bitter taste in his mouth.
It was weird. Megumi had left the house empty and returned to find you. If what you were saying was true, you were about to take over as his stepmother. He wouldn’t put it past his shitty father to pop up suddenly married—it was exactly the kind of thing Toji would do.
Still, the whole situation didn’t sit right with him. An arranged marriage wasn’t out of the question. You seemed way too sweet and proper to have chosen someone like Toji, willingly. Megumi’s knowledge of clan life, hierarchy, or how arranged marriages worked in the sorcerer world, was frustratingly limited thanks to his father’s insistence on keeping him far removed from all of it.
Then there was your age. You were young—too young for his dad. Closer to his age than Toji’s. Was Toji an even bigger pervert than he originally thought? He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to settle down. What was this about, then? Did he just want a housemaid? Someone to clean up after him and Megumi while he went off on his “business trips”?
It didn’t seem fair to you. What were you getting out of this arrangement? You did say your family set it up…but what could have possibly led you to agree to marry someone like Toji?
The more Megumi thought about it, the more wrong it all felt. You seemed too kind, too proper, too... normal for this situation. Surely there was more to the story. Were you being forced into this? Did you have your own reasons that you weren’t sharing?
But then again, there was always the chance you were lying.
People lied all the time. You could be some psycho ex-girlfriend worming your way back into his father’s life. Or worse, a manipulative stranger with motives that had nothing to do with Toji at all. Maybe you’d rob the place blind, and by the time he woke up there’d be nothing left.
You might’ve seemed nice now, but Megumi wasn’t about to take anything at face value.
He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the wall, his thoughts racing. He didn’t know what to make of you, couldn’t figure out whether to trust the calm sincerity you projected or to see it for what it might be: a well-crafted facade.
One thing was certain—he wasn’t going to let his guard down so easily.
He’d just have to wait it out, keep an eye on you, and see what happened when Toji finally dragged his ass back home.
p.2?
AN: Thank you for reading! Please reblog and like if you enjoy this series!
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#yandere#dead dove do not eat#manipulative#male yandere#yandere smut#slow burn#yandere megumi#megumi x yn#jjk megumi#megumi fushiguro#jjk x you#jjk smut#jjk#jjk x reader#obsessive yandere#obsessive love#possesive yandere#possessive#yandere male#yandere jujutsu kaisen x reader#toji fushiguro#toji zenin#zenin clan#arranged marriage#forced marriage#teen romance#agnst#non canon#first crush#fluff
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Steddie fic that was originally a twitter thread. Hurt/comfort, light angst, pining Steve, happy ending, roughly 6.5k words. Enjoy!
Look. It wasn’t like Steve was jealous, ok? Envious of the situation, maybe. But not jealous of the person. He was still burnt by Nancy rejecting him for Jonathan again. That was all.
After Vecna, he’d thrown himself into caring for everyone else just like always. Visited Max every day and helped her get used to her wheelchair. Drove Lucas to see her. Drove Robin to meet Vicky. He even helped Eddie and Wayne move into their new house.
Steve liked spending time around Eddie and his uncle. It was the type of family unit he never thought actually existed. He couldn’t fathom living somewhere so cramped and not tearing each other apart. He liked being alone with Eddie in the yard for a quick smoke, too.
Steve was kind of disappointed when there was no reason to spend time with them after they were all moved in. He told himself it was just because he didn’t have much else to occupy his time once Max came back home and Robin got her driving license.
The few times Steve did catch a passing glance at Eddie after he’d pick Dustin up from a D&D session, he had to fight against the urge to come up with an excuse to stay. He just… he was sure hanging out with Eddie would help ease the loneliness that he felt. That’s all.
So when the kids suggested a party at the end of the summer before going back to school, Steve thought it would be the perfect excuse to get some quality time in Eddie’s orbit. It wasn’t like he wanted them to be best friends or anything, just closer than they were.
They were probably too different to ever really get along in any meaningful way, but still. Steve still wanted to be near him. A male friend his own age, right? Is that so bad? He hadn’t had one since Tommy. He missed the specific type of camaraderie that came with it.
Steve was delighted when Eddie sat beside him in his kitchen on the day of the party. Their elbows knocked while they spoke to each other and those around them. They laughed and whispered behind their hands at the kids. It was perfect.
Well. At least until Steve had to excuse himself to make a phone call. Only… that was a lie. Because Steve was sitting on the floor of his bathroom with tears streaming down his face and a tightness in his chest he hadn’t ever felt before.
Everything had been going so well... Until the doorbell rang and Eddie jumped up to answer it, leaving Steve halfway through a sentence. When Eddie came back, smile so wide his eyes were practically crinkled shut, he introduced the whole group to his new girlfriend.
It was easy for Steve to pass it off as a bad call with his parents when Robin came looking for him twenty minutes later. He told her he’d be fine, but had a headache now and was ducking out early. Not the first time it happened so it was easy to believe.
Steve curled up on his bed while the party wound down downstairs. He found himself simultaneously straining to hear Eddie’s voice, and flinching when he heard that unfamiliar high pitched laugh. Her laugh.
It sounded like everyone liked her. There was no awkward silences and her voice was wound right into the cracks of every conversation. Steve clamped his hands over his ears when he finally couldn’t take it anymore. He was happy for Eddie. He was!
He just missed that New Relationship phase. It wasn’t like Steve couldn’t go out and get laid any time he wanted. He could. He did. He just always ended up wishing he was hanging out with Eddie instead after leaving them back at their houses.
Steve sniffled and shook his head roughly against his pillow. He was being selfish. He knew that. His chance to have a closer friendship with Eddie was ruined by some girl. Vague memories of high school name calling wormed their way back into Steve’s brain.
It was a bitter thought, to think how much Tommy Hagan would be surprised by Eddie having a real life girlfriend and not just someone that everyone was sure he’d made up. Steve half thought about calling his old friend to crack some jokes about it, make a little fun.
It only made the hollow feeling inside him grow to think like that. He felt silly, really. Getting so upset over a person who still thought of him as a high school bully dating someone. Steve fell asleep as the sun rose, hours after everyone went home.
They went everywhere together. But that’s what couples did, wasn’t it? They spent time together. Steve just kind of wished Eddie didn’t have to bring her, Sara, along with him every time he came to Family Video.
Steve felt himself getting almost angry whenever they walked through the door, holding hands and cooing over each other. He’d find a way to busy himself to avoid dealing with them and a couple of times even point blank ignored them.
The day he caught them kissing in the store was not his finest hour. He snapped that it was the middle of a Saturday afternoon and to get the fuck out, don’t do that shit when there’s kids around. Eddie looked confused, almost hurt.
He muttered something about kissing not being illegal while he pulled Sara out of the store behind him. She was sheepishly giggling and Steve wanted to yell at her to fuck off again. People getting boyfriends or girlfriends never bothered him this much before.
Robin finally getting with Vickie never made him jealous. Dustin and Suzie, Will and Mike, none of them. He sighed and ran a hand over his face.
“What is wrong with you?” asked Robin, appearing behind him. “Since when do you throw people out for kissing?”
“I just don’t need to see it,” said Steve. He turned to grab a pile of tapes to restock.
“Are you jealous?” teased Robin.
“No,” snapped Steve, louder than he intended. Robin stood in silent shock. “I’m sorry,” he said quickly. “I just… I miss that, I guess,”
Robin eyed him carefully.
“You miss what, exactly?” she asked. “Eddie? I didn’t know you guys were close,”
“No, not…” Steve sighed again. “I just don’t like friends ditching us for someone they barely know. That’s all,”
Robin pursed her lips.
She knew as well as Steve did that was almost the opposite of what Eddie was doing. He brought Sara along to get-togethers, and invited everyone to join them when they went to Indy for the day, or to the quarry to swim. Everyone else had welcomed her warmly.
Because she was nice. And isn’t that just the fucking worst? Steve tried his hardest to deny it to himself but she was a sweetheart. It was no wonder they all loved her. A stone settled in his stomach when he thought that Eddie might actually love her too.
No one fought back too hard against Steve when he kept skipping out on spending time with everyone. His mood lately had been enough to make them almost glad that the dark cloud wouldn’t be joining them. He preferred to sit and stew by himself anyway.
He’d hang out with Robin like normal but even she was starting to run out of ways to avoid talking about Eddie. Because people had noticed. They’d have to be blind not to. It was painfully obvious that whenever Eddie (and Sara) was mentioned, Steve soured.
Steve couldn’t even blame everyone else for finding it awkward. Eddie was their friend and they wanted to be around him. That’s all Steve wanted too! They were on the same side here! Once or twice he felt like throwing a tantrum and reminding them HE was there first.
Especially Robin and Dustin. Whenever he was feeling particularly sore about his failure of an attempt to build a closer relationship with Eddie, he wondered why they had managed to get what he wanted.
It wasn’t like there was anything wrong with him. He used to be the most popular guy in school! He had charm! It should have been so easy to get Eddie to want to be around him too. Steve often found himself wishing Eddie was next to him watching tv at home.
Just a subtle thing. He’d hear a joke on some sitcom and wonder if Eddie would find it funny. Or if the latest song on the radio would make him nod his head. Steve thought back to one of the days he helped Eddie and Wayne move into their house.
There was a song playing downstairs while they hung blinds in his room. Steve couldn’t remember the song or the tune, but he could tell you exactly which one of the freckles on Eddie’s nose were covered with tiny paint splashes. All he could remember was Eddie.
And see, Steve’s not an idiot. He knows, okay? He’s known ever since Sara turned up in his fucking kitchen and he felt like Eddie’s smile was sharp enough to slit his throat. He fought it from the start. Told himself again and again that it was nothing. It’d pass.
Throwing them out of the store was all Steve needed to admit to himself that maybe a closer friendship wasn’t all he’d been hoping for, when he lay awake at night wondering what would happen if he just drove on over there. He liked to drift to sleep thinking about it.
Robin caught on quick. She wasn’t dumb either, you see. She was able to see the way Steve’s brows turned down a split second before furrowing when the happy couple came into the store on a friday night. She never mentioned it, but Steve knew she knew.
It wasn’t until well into the winter that Steve actually saw Eddie without Sara attached to his hip. He came through the door while Steve and Robin were preparing to close up the store for the night, rapping his knuckles on the counter to get their attention.
Robin shot Steve a careful look before greeting him and asking what movie he wanted.
“Nah not tonight,” Steve heard him tell her from where he’d turned his back to rewind tapes.
“Just here for a visit?” asked Robin.
“I’m on my way to give Sara a ride home from work,”
Steve’s stomach clenched at the mention of her name.
“I’m actually here to invite you guys out somewhere, week after next one,” said Eddie. “A party, kind of,”
“Oh yeah?” asked Robin brightly. Steve knew she loved parties. “What’s the occasion?”
“Well,” said Eddie with a long breath. “Sara’s got some family up in Michigan, and her cousin offered her a job running the place she owns,” Steve had stopped moving. Please. Please no. “And it’s too good to turn down soooo,”
Eddie cleared his throat.
“I’m throwing a going away party,” finished Eddie.
“For Sara?” said Robin. “Oh that’s so sweet,”
Steve could tell Robin was still a half step behind. He squeezed his eyes shut as hard as he could. Please, not this….
Eddie let out a small laugh, he sounded almost nervous.
“Actually, uh,” Eddie drummed his fingertips on the counter. “For both of us,” Steve opened his eyes and felt his breath shorten as Eddie continued. “I’m going with her,”
Steve, back still turned, gripped the vhs case in his hand so hard he could feel the edges about to crack.
“Wait, you’re…” Robin stuttered. “What?”
“I’m going with her,” repeated Eddie. “To Michigan. She asked me to come last weekend,”
“She says there’s some metal bars I can try find work in,” explained Eddie. Steve could hear the edge of excitement in his voice. “And maybe I’ll join a new band up there too, who knows,”
“Your band!” exclaimed Robin. “Oh god, what are they going to do without you?”
“They’ll figure it out,” said Eddie. Steve could practically hear him shrugging. “Better off without my reputation holding them back anyway,”
Steve focused on keeping his breathing steady. He picked up another tape, hoping his shaking hands weren’t too obvious.
“This is…” Robin started. “Eddie are you sure about this?”
“What?” he asked. “Yeah! I mean this is the fresh start I wanted and Saras great. All I can think about is how she wants me there, no-one wants me anywhere,”
Steve held back the scoff that built in his throat
“And I’m happy for you,” said Robin. “We all are-" She reached back and placed a hand on Steve’s back, which he subtly shook by moving sideways. “-but isn’t this a little, I don’t know, soon? You’ve only been together a couple months,”
Eddie was quiet for a beat.
“This is something I’ve dreamed about, this chance,” said Eddie flatly. “New life, great girl. Whats your issue?”
“Eddie its not that easy to-“
“Buckley?” Eddie cut her off quickly. “Either be supportive or don’t okay? I already got this lecture from Wayne”
“I just-“
“I really don’t need to hear it from anyone else” said Eddie. “Am I putting your name on the guestlist or not?”
Robin sighed.
“Yeah, yeah I’ll be there,” she said. “Vickie too,”
“Great!” said Eddie, instantly brighter, a sharp edge to it now. “Harrington? You too?”
Steve spoke over his shoulder.
“Working that night,” he said simply. “Can’t,”
“Seriously?” said Eddie. “You don’t even know what night it’s on!"
“Yeah well,” said Steve, finally turning around to look Eddie in the eye. “It’s probably a safe bet so, count me out,”
“I don’t get you, man,” mumbled Eddie, looking him up and down. Steve shrugged and turned his head to watch the lone customer browsing through the aisles.
“Enjoy the party,” said Steve simply.
“Whatever,” said Eddie, pushing off the counter and going out the door.
“Steve…” said Robin gently.
“Don’t.” He warned.
“Are you really not going?” she asked.
“I can’t watch that,” he told her. The customer waved him over. Before he went to them, he looked to Robin again. “Don’t try to make me,” he said.
She just nodded.
Steve stuck to his word and didn’t go to the party. He had started to get angry about everything, truth be told. He felt a flare in his stomach when he thought about why he had to fall for someone who not only didn’t like him back, but was leaving the state too.
It didn’t seem fair. All Steve wanted in life was someone to love, but everytime he tried to open himself up to it, he got knocked back. He browsed a magazine in the gas station that gave the advice “get over them by getting under someone else” in large bold letters.
So thats what he’d been doing. Steve had called up every girl he knew with a pretty smile and spent every single night, getting over Eddie. It was easy to lie to himself and pretend it was working.
Whenever any of the kids came by the store to rent a movie, Steve pretended to be busier than he was to avoid them. They all had stories about Eddie, reminiscing about good times and getting sad in the run up to his leaving date. Steve didn’t need to hear it.
One night, a quiet Saturday right before closing, Steve counted to 10 and asked Robin how the party went. Her smile was tight.
“It was fun,” she said gently.
“And…” Steve took a deep breath. “Eddie had a good time?”
Robin’s eyes were soft.
“He did,” she told Steve. “Sara bought him a new guitar, as a surprise,”
Steve swallowed hard and looked away. The flare of anger tried to brush through his ribcage again. Instead it felt weak, too drowned out by the heavy feeling behind his eyes.
“Does he love her?”
Robin chewed the inside of her cheek as she considered Steve’s question.
“He’s following her to another state,” she said after a moment. “That must mean something,”
Steve nodded.
“Yeah,” he whispered. “Guess it does,”
*
"Come on, it'll be fun, it's only for two nights and it'll take your mind off everything,"
Robin was trying to convince Steve to join the other older members of the party for a weekend in some cabins in a national park in Tennessee.
Argyle's family owned them and, as a Thank You for welcoming him into their little group, had promised them free use of them whenever they wanted. Nancy would be going overseas to study for six months after New Years, so it was a kind of send off for her.
It was well into December now though, and Steve didn't feel like freezing his balls off alone in a cabin. He hadn't seen Eddie's van around for a little while, but there had been a small ad in the classifieds from Sara's family wishing her luck with her new life.
That was really all Steve needed to tell him that they were gone. Eddie was gone. A few days of peace and quiet wouldn't be the worst thing to clear his head. Well. That, and Argyle's guaranteed van full of weed.
As if to read his mind, Robin spoke up again.
"They're got these huge wood fires in the cabins, and me and you will have a whole one to ourselves," she said. "And no kids! We can have some drinks and just relax. Please, Steve?"
Steve eyed her carefully.
"I don't know, Rob," said Steve, sighing. "Argyle will have tons of room in his van for you, and he'll bunk with you if you don't want to be alone,"
"But! But!" Her eyes were wide.
Steve smirked.
"Tell me the truth and I'll say yes," he said, teasing.
"What?" she tried hard to look confused, bless her.
"Tell me that this has nothing to do with wanting to comfort Nancy," dared Steve, the corner of his mouth quirking up.
Robin balked.
"Thats...! That's not...!" she stammered.
Nancy and Jon's break up had been kept quiet. None of the kids knew yet. They agreed that another stint of long distance would be too much for them, so they parted ways. It was clean, easy. It made Steve sad in his own way.
Robin and Vickie's breakup was less easy. She decided that Steve and Robin's friendship was something she couldn't be comfortable with. Robin had no choice but to understand, and Vickie had no choice but to walk away when Robin chose Steve over her.
Steve laughed.
"It's okay, Rob," said Steve. "I just don't get why you need me there for it,"
Robin finally gave up the act.
"So you can be my getaway driver if it doesn't go well," she said like it was obvious.
Steve laughed again.
"Alright fine," said Steve. "But...even if it goes well, she's still leaving,"
"I know," sighed Robin. "I just... I just feel like I have to try, you know? I don't want to be too late," Steve wished he could be so optimistic. Even a day apart would kill him, nevermind six months.
"Is that crazy?" asked Robin. "To want to do this and then wait for her?"
"No," mused Steve. "Just don't hop on a plane and follow her. That would be crazy,"
Robin laughed. "Well if Eddie is following Sara-"
Her eyes went wide. Robin clamped a hand over her mouth as Steve's chest constricted.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"
Steve held his hand up.
"It's fine," he lied. "When's the trip again? Gotta get gas, and food, you know?"
"Steve I-"
"When, Rob?"
Steve's stomach was lurching violently, caught off guard by the mention of his name. And hers. He rubbed the back of his hand over his forehead.
"Um, this weekend," said Robin quietly. "We'll need to leave Friday morning,"
"Ok," nodded Steve. "I'll be there,"
The drive was better than Steve expected. Robin was a good passenger. She could read a map and always had the snacks ready to hand him. Steve had never been to this part of Tennessee before, so he was happy when Robin directed him onto the final dirt trail.
Robin spotted it before he did, parked right between two of the three cabins.
"Oh," she gasped. "Steve, I...I didn't know, I swear, you have to believe me,"
"What?" mumbled Steve, looking at her before following her gaze.
Steve took a second before he realised what he was looking at.
"I didn't know," Robin repeated quietly.
Steve gripped the steering wheel hard. There was no mistaking it. Right there, loud and proud.
Eddie's van.
Steve slid out of the driver’s seat carefully. Argyle came towards them with wide arms and a wider smile.
“Welcome, Brochaco and Brochacette!” he said brightly. “Who wants to learn all about the wonders of the safe keeping of your woodland abode?”
Robin stepped forward and Argyle directed her to the middle cabin. Steve was glad, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to focus. His eyes were already darting around, trying to spot Eddie. Hoping he didn’t see Sara instead. Nancy ran towards him.
“Steve!” She yelled happily.
“I’m glad you came,” she said, hugging him.
Steve almost didn’t hear her. Over her shoulder he saw him. Sitting on a low camping chair around a small firepit, chatting quietly with Jonathan, was Eddie.
“Come say hi!” She pulled him by the arm towards the others.
Steve rapidly counted the chairs around the fire. Six. If anyone had brought a…plus one…there’d be seven. Or maybe they hadn’t expected Steve to join and the empty chair next to Eddie did have an owner?
“Hey man,” said Jonathan. “Sit, fire’s great,”
Steve considered the chairs again. Eddie hadn’t even looked up to great him, instead keeping his gaze on the fire. Nancy wandered towards the cooler to unearth a bottle of white wine, while Jonathan left in search of a lighter.
“She’s not here, just sit down,” said Eddie cooly.
Steve looked at Eddie with wide eyes. He still wasn’t looking up, but his jaw was set and his hand gripped the neck of his beer bottle tightly. Steve sat down in the chair next to Eddie feeling like a scolded pupil.
“How, uh,” started Steve. “How come?”
Eddie puffed a sarcastic laugh into his bottle as he raised it for a swig.
“You don’t care,” he said.
Steve couldn’t defend himself. Eddie was right, he didn’t care. Robin and Argyle returned, all knowledge of safely lighting the indoor stove passed on.
“Glad you’re here, my guy,” said Argyle, sitting down and leaning over to fist bump Steve. “Figured you might like a chance to be with the whole gang again, now that the Ed Man swung back for a visit,”
“Yeah, this is great,” said Steve, only mildly grinding his teeth.
Steve knew the chill down his spine had nothing to do with the chill of the late afternoon. He was trembling in Eddie’s presence, with half a mind to just jump in his car and peel out of there. Robin would understand, he was sure of it.
Truly, Steve didn’t know if he was happy or sad to see him. His stomach churned everytime Eddie spoke in conversation, as everyone’s voice got louder as the day grew darker and the beers flowed faster. At the same time, he could barely turn his head to look at him.
It was like he didn’t feel like he had permission to look at him. He belonged to someone else and Steve had made himself clear; he wanted nothing to do with it. The night was cool around them when groups broke off.
Nancy and Robin where huddled together, having pulled their chairs close and covered themselves with a blanket. Jon and Argyle where leaning back and looking at the stars, softly speaking through private smiles. Eddie and Steve were quiet.
Steve had picked the label entirely off his bottle and rubbed the remaining glue until it was smooth. Once or twice he thought he heard Eddie inhale in a way that would signal the start of a sentence, but nothing ever came. Eventually, Steve got up and walked away
He didn’t go far, just around the back of the cabins. It was lit nicely by the moon and he could see into the woodland around them. It was peaceful, and he felt his chest loosen slightly now that he was further away from Eddie.
Steve took a cigarette out of his pocket and fumbled for a lighter before realising he didn’t have one. Sighing, he leaned down on the fence and watched the darkness between the trees. He knew it should scare him.
After everything they’ve been through, a still and perfect blackness should make his skin twitch, but he just felt a sort of comfort in it. Steve watched a small mouse scurry between some fallen leaves, and wondered if it had somewhere warm nearby to sleep.
A crack of a twig behind him made Steve jump. He turned quickly to see Eddie rounding the corner of the cabin.
“Sorry,” he said flatly. “I’ll find somewhere else,”
“Wait,” said Steve. “You stay, I need to find a lighter anyway,” He waved his unlit cigarette.
Eddie rolled his eyes and approached Steve, lighting his own smoke before handing the lighter to him.
“Thanks,” said Steve, lifting it to his lips. He felt like his chest was about to wring itself inside out with how hard it was squeezing.
Eddie leaned on the fence next to Steve.
“What are you doing here?” asked Eddie after a while.
“Oh, uh?” said Steve. “Just wanted some time alone I guess?”
“Not here,” said Eddie, clicking his tongue. “Here, like, the cabins. You haven’t come anywhere for months,”
Steve swallowed. He didn’t want to say ‘I didn’t think you’d be here’. That would just be rude.
“Robin…” he said. “She asked me to come,”
Eddie hummed.
“How about you?” asked Steve. “I thought you were in Michigan,”
Eddie smoked quietly.
“I was,” he agreed.
“When are you... going back?” asked Steve in spite of himself. He should have been overjoyed to finally have some one on one time with Eddie after pining for it for so long, but he couldn’t let himself enjoy it, knowing it wouldn’t last.
Eddie didn’t answer. Steve took a nervous drag of him smoke and tried something different.
“Will Wayne go see you up there, do you think?” he asked. Eddie rolled his head around on his shoulder.
“No Steve,” he said almost matter-of-factly. “I don’t think he will,”
“Oh,” said Steve. “How, uh, how come?”
Eddie took a deep breath.
“No use going up there if…” Eddie hesitated. “If I’m not there,”
Steve’s brow furrowed.
“What?” He asked. “Why wouldn’t you be there?”
Eddie chewed the inside of his cheek.
“Changed my mind, I guess,” he said with a soft shrug.
Steve was confused.
“I don’t…” he said. “I don’t understand?”
“Me neither,” said Eddie, softening slightly. “Haven’t even told anyone else yet. I drove us up there and I just…” Eddie cleared his throat. “Drove right on back,”
Steve could feel his eyebrows touch at this point.
“But… you were so excited,” said Steve. “It was your fresh start. What…what happened? What do mean you drove back?” asked Steve.
Eddie breathed out heavily.
“It didn’t feel right,” he said. “I think I realised it right after we hit the highway. I was too caught up in it to see that it just wasn’t…right,”
Steve was quiet.
“I got lost in the idea that, I don’t know,” Eddie waved his hand around. “Someone wanted me, and I just kind of went with the flow. Didn’t matter where it was taking me,”
“But, you wanted to leave, right?” asked Steve.
Eddie shrugged again.
“Thought I did,” said Eddie. “But then all I could think about was Wayne being alone and I…wanted to be back in the trailer with him. I wanted Hawkins,”
“So…You’re doing long distance, then?” asked Steve.
Eddie hummed again, pulling a final drag from his smoke.
“Like I said,” said Eddie quietly. “I was too caught up in feeling wanted,”
“Oh…” said Steve. He wanted to comfort Eddie but wasn’t sure how. He didn’t want Eddie to be unhappy and it did sound like he’d had to make a tough decision, with tougher consequences.
“So you’re back in Hawkins again for good?” asked Steve. He didn’t know if he could handle seeing him everywhere again.
“Yeah,” snorted Eddie. “Back again,”
Steve held the burnt filter of his own smoke in his hand.
“Back in a town I have some fucking stupid attachment to,” continued Eddie. “Half the folks still think I’m a killer but hey, here I am,” Eddie let out a tight laugh. “Who wants me now?” asked Eddie into the darkness, offering the rhetorical question to the night.
Steve knew it wasn’t a question that needed an answer. Really, he did. But when Eddie dropped his hand back onto the fence, it was barely an inch away from his. Steve could practically feel Eddie’s body heat coming from it. His breathing got tight.
Steve stared at their hands, so close. Eddie’s words rang in his ears. I want you, he thought. I want you! Steve slowly shifted his hand to the side of his little fingers brushed Eddie’s. Eddie looked down when he felt it. Steve held his breath.
Steve lifted his little finger to rub to softly against Eddie’s.
“Oh…” Eddie whispered.
“Yeah…” Steve whispered back.
Argyle’s voice cut through the night.
“Steve? Eddie? Where are you? Did a bear get you guys? Do they have bears in this state?”
“Shit” muttered Eddie, pulling his hand away like he’d been burnt. He dropped his spent cigarette to the ground and shoved his hands into his pockets. “I…fuck,” he said under his breath.
He didn’t look at Steve as he walked quickly back to the main clearing.
Steve bent forward slightly and rubbed his hands over his face. He felt like such an idiot. What the hell did he expect would happen? What the fuck was he thinking?
Steve stayed behind the cabins a while longer until Argyle’s voice called to him again. He dried his face as best he could, hoping the darkness would hide what he couldn’t. He came back to the fire and assured Argyle he really didn’t have to fight any bears
Steve smiled at how relieved he and Jonathan seemed. Eddie was staring dead into the fire, the fingertips of one hand drumming over his mouth. Steve could barely look at him. He felt so stupid. Steve leaned down and kissed the top of Robin’s head.
“I’m heading to bed,” he told her quietly.
“Huh?” she asked, barely turning away from Nancy. “Oh, yeah, I’ll be in soon too,”
“Sure you will,” Steve teased with a wink.
He announced his departure to the others and got raised bottles from Jon and Argyle.
Eddie didn’t react. Steve didn’t expect him too. He retreated to his cabin, immediately crossing his arms against the cold when he entered. He stood in front of the large stove fire for a second and debated calling Robin in to light it for him.
After a few minutes of thought Steve decided to just brave the cold. He had a hoodie and long sweats he could wear in bed. He’d be fine, and there were enough blankets on the bed to heat him up quickly. Steve slipped into bed and huddled around himself.
Part of him wished he was in more of a mood to appreciate the beautiful bedroom he was in. Lots of plaid and carved furniture, exactly the type of place his parents would insist was dirty and filled with bugs. Steve knew he’d love it though, if he had the chance to.
It wasn’t so a much a decision of if he would drive home early by himself tomorrow, more so when. Robin clearly didn’t need a getaway driver and after that stunt he pulled with Eddie, Steve wasn’t sure how welcome he’d feel come sunrise.
Steve didn’t even know if Eddie would tell anyone. It’s not like the group would care that they were both men, but admitting a crush, or more than a crush, however subtly right after learning about a breakup? Robin was sweet enough to pull it off. Steve, maybe not.
At the very least, it felt like some sort of ending. Eddie’s reaction had been a definite Full Stop to any idea Steve might have had about his feelings being returned. He wasn’t sure he ever even thought they would be. He just couldn’t hold it back any longer.
Steve tried to convince himself that this was a good thing. That now he had to move on. He had no choice, especially if Eddie was back in Hawkins. He couldn’t avoid him forever, their paths would have to cross eventually. Steve wished they wouldn’t.
Steve buried his face in his pillow and pulled the blankets up over his head, closing his eyes. He’d have plenty of time to dissect everything all over again in his own head in the morning. If he was making the drive back again so soon, he needed some sleep.
Steve had just managed to coax himself into something close to sleep when he heard the front door of the cabin creak open. So Robin did come back, he thought. Maybe she’d be driving back with him after all. He followed her footsteps across the living area.
The sounds of shoes being kicked off and the stove being lit were welcome to his ears. The stairs squeaked, and the floor outside his room, before he heard his door open and feet shuffling across the floor. He pretended to be asleep as the bed behind him dipped.
Steve loved her, he did, but he couldn’t listen to her go on and on about Nancy right now, whether good or bad. They’d talk in the car tomorrow. The blankets rustled and pillows were shifted, before he heard a deep breath being taken.
“Steve?”
Steve’s eyes shot open. His own breath stalled in his chest, because it only now that he realised. That wasn’t Robin.
“Are you awake?” Eddie asked softly.
Steve barely allowed himself to breathe as he turned over in the bed. The room was dark, barely lit by the moon outside, but the outline of Eddie’s features was still unmistakable.
“Hey,” Steve said quietly, afraid if he spoke too loudly he might wake himself from whatever dream he was in.
“Hey,” Eddie whispered back. His expression was almost one of confusion or gentle uncertainty.
“It’s cold in here,” said Eddie when Steve didn't answer. “Lit the stove for you,”
“Thanks,” replied Steve dumbly.
Eddie hummed. His eyes landed on Steve’s hand, resting palm up on the bottom edge of the pillow.
Eddie slowly moved his own hand so his fingertips rested lightly in Steve’s palm.
“Oh,” Steve breathed. His heart thumped so hard he was sure Eddie must be able to hear it.
“Yeah…” said Eddie, just as softly.
“What-” Steve began, before Eddie cut him off.
“Can we wait?” he asked.
“Wait?” asked Steve. “What do you mean?”
Eddie sighed.
“Can we wait until tomorrow to talk about it?” he said. “Can tonight just be…this?”
He gently ran his fingertips over Steve’s palm again
Steve nodded, giving a little ‘uh huh’ sound. Eddie gave him a sweet smile in return, still looking at their hands. They stayed like that for a while, Steve watching Eddie like he thought he was going to disappear while Eddie tapped his fingers soundlessly.
“You scare me, Steve,” said Eddie. Steve almost didn’t hear him, too caught up in watching how the movement of the moon highlighted the different lines of his face to hear the whisper.
“I do?” asked Steve. “Is that…good?”
Eddie shrugged.
“I think so. Stuff like this is supposed to scare you, I think,” said Eddie. “It’s supposed to feel….” Eddie took a breath and Steve watched his eyes move around as he searched for the words.
Steve thought he might wait forever for him to find them.
“It’s supposed to feel like a leap, right?” asked Eddie. “Like you need to trust your gut. It’s not supposed to be easy right away. You have to…want to earn it, I guess”
“And that’s how you feel?” Steve asked him, full of hope. “About me?”
Eddie took a deep breath.
“Yeah,” said Eddie simply. “When you…Outside, earlier, it was like…I don’t know, like an electric shock. But a good one. One I’d never felt before,”
Steve swallowed hard when Eddie took a pause.
“I didn’t know what was wrong with…Sara, that whole thing,” continued Eddie. “Why I wasn’t able to go be with her. But then, I felt that shock from you and I knew. Right away, it was like I just knew what I was missing,”
Steve took a shaky breath.
“I’m scared too,” Steve admitted. “Mostly that I’m dreaming, but, yeah, I’m….me too,”
Eddie laughed quietly at him, before sliding his fingers up to lace loosely with Steve’s.
“You’re not dreaming,” he whispered, squeezing his hand ever so gently.
“So you’ll still be here in the morning?” asked Steve. “When I wake up?”
He felt small suddenly, the vulnerability creeping up his spine again.
“Pinky swear,” said Eddie, shifting his hand again to hook their little fingers together.
Steve smiled.
“We’ll talk in the morning,” said Eddie again in a whisper. “Get some sleep,”
“Okay,” Steve whispered back.
Eddie shuffled an inch closer until their knees knocked together, and Steve felt his breath on their still joined hands.
Eddie smiled at Steve once more before closing his eyes and settling into the pillow. Steve settled too, the warmth of the stove fire finally reaching the room and leeching into the blankets around them. Eddie’s breathing evened out quickly, his lips slightly parted.
Steve hardly dared close his own eyes, afraid that if he blinked too hard Eddie would be gone. But the feeling of their lingering promise, their fingers still curled around each other, kept him grounded. Steve let sleep take him slowly.
The last thought before Steve drifted off was of everything he wanted to say to Eddie in the morning, all the promises he wanted to make. It felt like a beginning now, instead of an ending. Steve fell asleep feeling, in the very best way, absolutely terrified.
#steddie#steve harington#eddie munson#steve x eddie#fluff#pining#getting together#poor steve harrington I really do torture that boy sometimes#seth writes#steve str#eddie stranger things#steve stranger things#steddie fic
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Hi, I wan't sure if ur requests are open but if they are can u do a dazai x femreader angst where dazai wants to breakup and the reader just basically goes: Oh okay :D door's that way.
Totally ok if u can't tho
Have a great day :D
Hey! I don't even know if they're open, tbh.. I just write whenever I feel like it, and appreciate the asks! They motivate me to start writing :3
Boy-Bye
Dazai x fem!Reader || Part-2 is “Free”, I’m unable to add the link here for whatever reason
Dazai sighed as he sipped his coffee. It seemed so bland. The temperature had gone cold enough for him to want to dump it in the sink. The more he tried to drink it, the more he felt nauseous. The irony? He once loved this coffee. He swore by it. Even bragged about how amazing it is to his coworkers at the ADA.
But now, he couldn’t bring himself to drink even a sip.
Maybe it was the person who made it that got him to like it back then.
Or maybe, it was this same person who made him dislike it now.
He gazed up from the edge of the cup and saw you, sitting across the glass table, sipping your own cup. How could you bring yourself to drink that?
He watched you read the journal, focussed and unknown to his bitter thoughts.
“Y/n.”, he said, trying to get your attention.
You didn’t respond, only shifting your head slightly in his direction.
“Y/n.”
You hummed then, looking for a pen to mark the sentence you were at.
“Y/n.”
You sighed now, looking up. You could find that part again later.
“Yes, love?”
Dazai cringed at your words. A few days ago, he would’ve beamed at the thought of you calling him your ‘love’. But now, it just seemed fake.
Not on your end though, you meant it. He just didn’t love you anymore. He wondered if he ever loved you, or if it was some sick infatuation simply because he was bored.
“Let’s break up.”, he said, making you pause mid sip.
“What?”, you asked, bewildered.
He remained stoic, unmoving, as he said, “You heard me. Let’s break up.”
You slowly kept the cup down, and nodded.
“Okay. Let’s.”
He blinked, confused. You finally found that pen, hidden away under the napkins. He watched as you continued to mark words on the journal, flipping through the many pages to read a different part.
“That’s it?”, he scoffed.
You looked up again, confused.
“What’s it?”
“That’s it? You’re okay with breaking up? Just like that?”, he asked, offended.
“Why’re you getting worked up?”, you asked, bemused.
“Did you even love me? Or was this just a sick game to you?”, he asked, a scornful look on his face.
“Are you mentally okay?”, you asked, genuinely worried.
“You broke up with me. So why are you mad?”
He laughed bitterly, slamming his hands on the table.
“That’s it then? You’re okay to just break up? And now you’re turning it on me? Really?!”
You blinked at him, and said slowly, “Are you not understanding? You, broke up, with me. You did. Not me.”
He scoffed, offended at how you seemed so unbothered. “You’re disgusting.”
"Were you having an affair? Were you cheating on me?"
You scrunched your brows, baffled at his accusations.
"What's gotten into you?"
He laughed, feeling sick.
"How are you so calm then, huh? You wouldn't be so calm and so 'okay' with this if you were faithful!"
Dazai hated every moment of this. He couldn't accept the fact that he didn't matter to you. Just as you didn't matter to him. Or so he thought.
Why aren't you begging him to stay? Why are being so nonchalant about this?
You scoffed, "Do I have to be having an affair to not react calmly?"
You stared at him then, enjoying how speechless he was.
“Well, what did you expect? For me to beg?”
You looked at him, bewildered.
“So, what, you want me to just leave?”, he asked, hating how you could see right through him.
You couldn’t help the sarcasm flooding to your mouth, ready to crush his ego further.
“Well, what did you expect, that we cuddle?”
Offended beyond repair, he got up and aggressively grabbed his coat, making a point to brush against your shoulder before walking out the door.
You cringed at how the door slammed behind him, making a mental note to change the locks by tomorrow.
#shady☕#shadyteacup#bungou stray dogs#dazai osamu#bsd#bungo stray dogs dazai#dazai x reader#bsd x reader#bsd dazai#dazai#dazai angst#bsd angst
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Sweet
Dean Winchester x little sister!reader, Sam Winchester x little sister!reader
Requested by anonymous
Synopsis: Demon Dean tried to hurt you, but then he returns to normal. Can he make it up to you?
You’d never felt scared in the bunker before. The bunker was home, it meant safety and fun and good times. It stood for everything good in your life.
But this was different. The bunker had always been home because you shared it with Sam and Dean.
But Sam was out researching at a local library, and Dean…
Dean was a demon.
He hadn’t done anything to you, but that didn’t change the fact that he scared you. He wasn’t Dean, not really. That sarcastic grin of his was a little too malicious. His eyes, even when they weren’t black, weren’t Dean’s eyes. They were missing his softness, his kindness.
Long story short, it wasn’t Dean. And you hated being alone with him, even though you were both in your respective rooms, and he hadn’t bothered you yet.
Key word; yet.
When a knock on your bedroom door sounded over the soft music you were playing, you hoped it was Sam.
“Hey N/N.”
No such luck. It was Dean.
You shut off the music, but didn’t get up. Your door was locked for a reason, and you really didn’t want him in your room.
“What?” You called, hoping he just wanted something quick so he’d go away.
“Let me in.”
You fiddled with the drawstrings on your hoodie, nervously chewing over what to say.
“Just…just tell me what you want.”
“Do I need a reason to see my baby sister?” His voice was soft, sweet even. But it wasn’t Dean sweet. It was an over the top, sickeningly sweet tone.
“Yes,” you insisted, and cringed when you heard his too-bitter laugh through the door.
“C’mon baby, it’s Dean. You can trust me.”
“I’m busy, ok?” You were annoyed by his insistence, but you were too scared of him to tell him what you really thought.
You’re not Dean.
“Too busy for me, baby? C’mon, just open the door, I won’t bother you.”
You stayed silent. You wanted him to go away, but you couldn’t think of anything else to say to him.
He knocked again, and this time you flinched at how harsh it sounded.
“Baby, open the door.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a command.
“No.” You couldn’t keep the quaver out of your voice.
Dean pounded the door, and you flinched again, jumping to your feet.
You looked around your room, although you weren’t really sure what for. There was no way out, just the door that led to your bathroom.
“Open the door!” Dean’s pounding was continual now, and you shuddered when you saw how your door was shaking, the hinges creaking with ever bang.
You backed away from the door, gasping when your back hit your dresser.
With one final bang, your door flew open, slamming back against your wall.
Dean stood there, a disgustingly triumphant grin on his face as he swept into your room.
“Hey, baby sister. Miss me?”
A flash of metal caught your eye, and your breath caught when you saw the knife gripped in Dean’s hand.
“Go away,” you whimpered, trying to think of how to get away from him. He was blocking the way out of your room, but if you barricaded yourself in the bathroom maybe you could buy yourself a few minutes. If you called Sam would he get here in time?
“Go away? Now, that’s no way to talk to your big brother,” Dean rushed you, and you jumped on your bed, rolling off and making a break for your bathroom.
You just managed to click the lock when a pound on the door made you stagger back. You whipped out your phone, pressing Sam’s number and waiting impatiently for him to pick up.
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Sammy, I-“ you broke off with a whimper when the door shook with Dean’s pounding.
“Honey? You ok?”
“He’s trying to hurt me,” tears blurred your vision, and it felt like the whole room was shaking as Dean pounded on the door.
“What? Baby I’m on my way, where are you?”
“I-I locked myself in my bathroom, but-but he’s trying to break down the door!”
“Ok, it’s ok I’m coming, just hold on.”
Dean slammed the door again, and you flinched so hard that you dropped the phone. You were reaching down to grab it when Dean kicked the door open, and it hung loosely off one hinge. You abandoned your efforts for the phone, backing against the wall as Dean advanced towards you slowly.
“You should’ve let me in,” he growled.
“Dean…” you slid to the ground, curling away from Dean as he loomed over you.
“Come on, baby. It’s just me.” He leaned down, gripping your shoulders and dragging you to your feet. “What could my sweet little baby sister have to fear from me?”
“Please don’t hurt me,” you whimpered, putting your hands against his chest so that there was at least a little distance between you.
“Hurt you?” He laughed. A horrible, cold laugh that sounded nothing like your big brother and sent chills up your spine. “No, baby. We’re just gonna have some fun.”
You felt the cool tip of the knife against your neck, and you shuddered.
“Please,” you glanced up at Dean, but dropped your gaze with a gasp when you saw his eyes turn black. His firm hand gripped your chin hard enough to leave bruises, and he forced your gaze back to his.
“What’s the matter, baby? You don’t like the new look?” His black eyes flashed as his grin widened.
“Let me go, Dean,” you cried, trying to pull his hand away from your face. To your surprise, he released his hold, and you breathed a sigh of relief before you felt his hand move to your neck. It lingered for a moment, before his fingers tightened and you felt your breath stick in your throat.
“De-“ Dean pressed his palm against your neck, and you felt the back of your head smack the wall as he pressed down on your airway. You scratched at his hand, trying desperately to gasp for a breath.
“You should’ve done what I said,” Dean hissed in your ear.
“And you should’ve left her alone.”
The pressure on your neck released as Sam threw Dean to the ground. He was about to get up again when Castiel grabbed him by the arms, dragging him away from you.
You stared as Dean yelled out in anger, struggling against Cas. You jumped behind Sam when Dean’s black eyes turned on you, a twisted scowl on his face. You gripped the back of Sam’s jacket, leaning against him and closing your eyes as Cas pulled Dean out of the room.
“It’s ok,” Sam turned around to face you, and his reassuring smile did little to help you. All you could see was Dean’s black eyes.
…
You were avoiding him. If you were being honest, you were avoiding everyone. Dean was back, finally, and despite your elation you couldn’t bring yourself to be anywhere near him. You still hadn’t stopped having nightmares about the day he attacked you, and you didn’t want your reunion with the real Dean to end with you freaking out and running from him.
“Sweetheart?” A soft knock at your door made you look up from the book in your hand. You swallowed. You knew Dean would want to come and see you eventually.
“What do you want?” You managed to choke out, and the scene felt eerily familiar.
“I brought you some dinner.”
There it was. The soft, sweet voice of your big brother. Not the sickeningly sweet tone from earlier, but Dean’s gentler tone; the one he used when he was trying to be soothing, or sorry.
You hesitantly walked to your door, flipping the latch before opening it a crack. Swallowing hard, you raised your head to look Dean in the eye.
It was him. Completely, undeniably your big brother. Your hesitance melted away, and you yanked the door open and slammed into your big brother. He staggered back a moment, surprised, before he laughed—Dean’s laugh, not some malicious sound—and wrapped his arms around you.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
You looked up at him and smiled.
“It wasn’t you.”
“What makes you so sure?”
You reached a hand up, gently touching his face.
“Because I know you. And that…” you swallowed, “that thing that hurt me wasn’t you.”
Dean smiled, “You can tell just like that? With one look?”
You smiled back and leaned against Dean, pulling him close for another hug.
“Yeah, of course I can. You’re my big brother.”
Dean held you close, cradling your head.
“I love you, little sister.”
#dean and sam#dean winchester x reader#dean winchester x sister!reader#sam and dean#dean winchester#dean x you#supernatural dean#dean winchester x you#dean x sister#dean x reader#sam winchester x y/n#sam winchester#sam x sister!reader#spn sam winchester#supernatural sam#sam winchester x sister!reader#sam winchester x you#sam winchester x reader#winchester x reader#john winchester#the winchester brothers#the winchesters#winchester#castiel winchester#dean winchester x sister#winchester x sister#winchester x sister!reader#winchesters x reader#winchesters x sister
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WHAT IF THERE WERE 'LOST SOUL' ( AKA UNDERTALE STYLE ) ENCOUNTERS IN THE ISAT/FUNGER AU?????
-> REMIND
( You ask the Lost Soul to remind you of a word you've been searching for, trying to pretend being annoyed with your memory issues. She's not sure why, but she feels urged to jog your memory.. )
-> TIME CRAFT
( You remind the Lost Soul of when she used Time Craft to stop you from looping back. Her fist seems to clench on her side. )
-> MEMORY OF SECRET QUEST
( You remind the Lost Soul of the time you've spent searching for a Familytale. You remind her of the conversation you've had, about searching for a home, about feeling "other". Suddenly, the memories are flooding back..! )
-> PUN
( You say a really terrible pun. The Lost Soul seems to love it, quickly bursting with a loud, infectious laughter. Something about this seems so very familiar to him.. )
-> TOUCH
( Hesitantly, you reach out towards the Lost Soul, trying to take his hand. He seems to become nervous, his hand becoming clammy in your own. His fingers twitch. He seems to be remembering something.. )
-> MEMORY OF STARGAZING
( You remind the Lost Soul of the time you've spent Stargazing. You remind him that you have never, ever been ashamed of him. Not even a little bit. Suddenly, the memories are flooding back..! )
-> POINT
( You point to the Lost Soul's nails, trying to mimic the same motion you always do when she's anxiously biting them. Somehow, this seems familiar to her.. )
-> CHANGE
( You remind the Lost Soul of the time you've met the God of Change. She doesn't know why, but she feels an odd, bitter feeling in her chest at the mere mention of the God. )
-> MEMORY OF FAITH
( You remind the Lost Soul of the time you've spent together on that bench in Dormont. You remind her that she doesn't need to change for the sake of her fate, if she doesn't want to. Suddenly, the memories are flooding back..!)
-> RECIPE
( You ask the Lost Soul if they'd like to make malanga fritters together. For some reason, they feel giddy at the thought. )
-> HUG
( You hug the Lost Soul carefully. They seem to stiffen in your hold. They're not sure why, but they really want to hug back.. )
-> MEMORY OF TRAINING
( You remind the Lost Soul of the time you've spent together, training in the outskirts of Dormont. You remind the Lost Soul, that they don't need to feel guilty for things that are out of their control. They are loved, and they're doing enough as it is. Suddenly, the memories are flooding back..! )
- - -
DID ANYONE THINK OF THAT??? I couldn't stop thinking about this. I'm not re-entering my undertale phase again please not again
Ok so this is still in relation to my Fear and hunger / Isat AU, so bear with me here. What if Loop's battle didn't only consist of fighting them? Maybe they've come to know some sort of forbidden craft, which stole the party's memories? Kind of trying to erase their memories of "Siffrin", and instead enter "Loop" in it's place. Since Loop doesn't want to, nor can, be Siffrin anymore- if they actually manage to kill Siffrin and insert themself instead of him into the timeline, they can live with their identity as Loop, with the party already loving them, having no memory of Siffrin. There would only be Loop. And then Loop could finally be happy, and have their family back.
And well everyone knows how it goes, Siffrin enters a battle with each of the party members, which is interesting i think, since we've only ever fought Sadnesses in canon Isat (not counting the king) Picturing the party attacking Siffrin would be awesome lmao. I also really like the idea of the memories we gain from each party member's hangout actually having more of a role rather than just being buffs or skills to learn.
here the memories of their hangouts are essential to jog their memory, and also i feel like it would be kind of cool if it granted them like the ability to remember those occurnaces, even though they know now that it didn't actually happen. not in this loop anyway. With them being aware of the loops by that point in the story, and aware of the hangouts happening countless times before in other loops, they would realize just how hard Siffrin tried to grow closer to them. I feel like that would tighten the party's ties together. so yeah, cool.
Siffrin jogs all of their memories, which causes them to either pass out or fight alongside them. i think the latter would be worse for loop though, having those people fighting them. It would hurt them a lot.
well, I still think Siffrin would fight Loop alone and everyone else would be passed out. I like to keep the 'Loop wins the fight' as the canon outcome here, with Loop not being able to bring himself to kill Siffrin after everythin that happened. Siffrrin comforts them, Loop cries, Siffrin cries, Loop fades away, the party soon wakes up and confronts Siffrin on what had happened, he passes the fuck out from craft exhaustion before he can explain anything. WOO
hope this made sense cuz it's like 2 am and my brain is NOT working rn
#in stars and time#art#cute#isat siffrin#digital art#isat#in stars and time siffrin#isat isabeau#isat loop#isat mirabelle#isat bonnie#isat odile#isat au#fear and hunger#fear and hunger au#undertale#undertale reference#?????#I GUESS#artists on tumblr
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Rewriting the Treviso vs Minrathous Quest
Ok, so it's pretty clear that the fate of Treviso or Minrathous being reliant on Rook's presence didn't click with a good chunk of players.
Yes, it's the lyrium dagger that makes the difference in regards to what city makes it through alright. Yes, it was the fact that Rook chose to prioritize one city over the other that led to either Never or Lucanis having bitter feelings. The problem is, the way this was written didn't connect with players.
So how do we fix it?
I think the problem is sending a Veilguard team to both cities. Even with the explanations above, it weakens the importance of Rook's choice.
So let's create a reason why the Veilguard can't send a team to both, maybe one that reminds players that the Gods really want the lyrium dagger.
We know the Gods are trying to get control of the Crossroads. Maybe they have a partial victory. Rook comes back from Davrin's recruitment quest to find the Lighthouse under attack. The Gods have managed to send a small strike team to hack the eluvian network, break into the Lighthouse, kill Rook,and get the lyrium dagger. The Veilguard fights off the enemies, culminating in a big fight at the Lighthouse's eluvian.
After a boss fight, Rook and co find a note on the bodies revealing that oh no! The Gods are currently invading both Treviso and Minrathous too! The team starts discussing how they're going to handle this double threat, only for Bellara to reveal that the eluvian was damaged in the fight and is now malfunctioning. She can come up with a bandaid fix, but it will only allow her to attune the eluvian to one city. She'll need dedicated time to get the eluvian back to normal (and to prevent further hacking attempts).
Rook, as the de facto leader, has to choose, do they go to Treviso or Minrathous?
By forcing the team to focus their entire strength on one city, it emphasizes that Rook is prioritizing one faction/city/companion over the other. There's no getting out of the consequences of Rook's choice by pointing out that they sent a team of equal strength to the other city too.
I think this would solve most players' problems with this quest while still keeping the core parts of it the same. It's a good quest at it's heart, it could just be a little stronger, imo.
#dragon age the veilguard#dragon age veilguard#datv#dav#dav spoilers#da4 spoilers#datv spoilers#dragon age
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OK I tried a incorrect quotes thing, here're my faves oki
Sirius & James: We have fun, don’t we, Remus? Remus: I have never been more stressed out in my entire life. --- Regulus: Guess what? Remus: What? Regulus: No, you have to guess. Remus, thinking: I don’t know. Regulus: Sirius is in the hospital. Remus: Why would you make me guess that?! Remus: What happened?! --- James: How would you like your coffee? Regulus: As dark and as bitter as my soul. James, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar! --- Remus: Do you want to know your gay name? Sirius: My... my gay name? Remus: Yeah, it's your first name- Sirius: Haha. Very funny Remus- Remus: *gets down on one knee* And my last name. Sirius: Oh- oh my god. --- Sirius: Wow, they really hate us. Remus: Yes, perhaps they’re homophobic. Sirius: But we’re not gay, Remus. Remus: Sirius: Remus: We’re not? --- Regulus: Sometimes I wonder if I’m hearing voices. Regulus: Then I remember that’s the last bit of sanity I have trying to get me to fall asleep at a reasonable time. --- Sirius: Regulus, you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow, and the D.A. is worried about how you'll present yourself on the stand. Regulus: Why? I'm fine on the stand! flashback to Testimony #1 Regulus: Look, I'll make this real simple so even these dumdums can understand. Regulus, to the jury: MAN DID CRIME. flashback to Testimony #2 Regulus: I'm sorry, could you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face? Defense Attorney, next to the crying defendant: …Crying? flashback to Testimony #3 Regulus: And when this is over, I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers. Judge: Could the witness please stop threatening the stenographer? --- James: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in? Regulus: What's the taser challenge? Sirius: We tase eachother, then drink. Regulus: How do you win? James: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?
I think maybe I've seen some of these before, but I thought they were fun so here ya go
#amathelia writes#marauders#marauders era#marauders incorrect quotes#remus lupin#sirius black#regulus black#james potter#jegulus#wolfstar
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Regarding Hikaru's culpability in Ai's death
The question of whether Hikaru meant to hurt Ai is still up in the air but in this post I'm going to make an extremely messy argument that Hikaru loved Ai and didn't mean to kill her!
Above: Hikaru said Ai had selfish and cruel sides (more like extremely avoidant tendencies but I digress) but there's no menace to his tone. He believed it was only natural for her to leave him.
I will say that Hikaru's below statement from ch 160 is pretty weird, especially after just learning that Ai loved him. Is that how he saw Ai? As a woman who deceived him and tried to make him obey her?
It does kind of align with the below Fatal lyrics which I can't see as anything other than a Hikaru song:
You have given me a fatal flaw Selfish giant star, ruined lives
I think both things can be true. He didn't hate Ai. He loved her more than anything. But he was bitter because he thought she didn't care about him.
He created a warped view of their relationship in which he was never loved or needed. But that bitterness, even anger at times, never appears to have devolved into murderous intent. Not when he was still so soft on her despite some of his more accusatory statements.
OK you're saying he didn't mean to kill her. But what about this?
I don't know, man. I just don't know. It's so antithetical to everything we know about him. It's one thing to lash out in a moment of pain but a slow burn manipulation like this requires intention. There's two explanations I can come up with.
He was twisting the screws for another reason. Maybe he wanted to exert control because he felt so powerless over the situation with Ai. Or perhaps he wanted a fellow Ai fanatic. Someone who would understand her significance.
Aqua is wrong.
But why did he change his story from stating he wanted Ryosuke to scare Ai (you fucking idiot, Hikaru) to just giving her a bouquet?
I'm a bit stumped here too. This guy is supposedly a master manipulator yet he couldn't keep his story straight?
Perhaps both of these were his motives but I don't know why he didn't say that from the start. I just don't think this is proof that he lied because it's not hard to keep such a basic story straight.
The best explanation I can come up with is that he told Ryosuke the address in a fit of anger and despair. He thought Ryosuke would scare her. He then gave him the bouquet. It was an "I love you/I want you to feel my pain" message for Ai.
OK, but if Aqua was right about Hikaru manipulating Ryosuke, then he knew Ryosuke was an Ai fanatic who could go off the rails in an instant. Especially if he learned that Ryosuke killed Gorou. And anyway, what the hell did he think he was going to do to scare her?
Augh. I'm just going to hope that Nino filled Hikaru in on Gorou's murder after Ryosuke died and therefore he didn't realize that Ryosuke was dangerous. As for what he thought Rysouke would do... I dunno. Give her the bouquet and glower at her? Tell her he knew about her kids?
My man was an idiot but I don't think that makes him a killer in this case. I mean, it would be scary enough for a fan to show up at your door with flowers from your ex.
My last piece of evidence that Hikaru didn't want to hurt Ai is that he was desperate to ensure nobody would surpass her, he wanted to feel her presence, and imo he was trying to preserve her memory.
Offing Ai is the opposite of all those things. He said that he killed Ai out of spite but I don't think that we're meant to take that literally.
Those panels at the top of my post and his obsessive adoration of Ai make it hard for me to believe he would try to harm her. Instead, he blamed himself - rightfully so - for sending Ryosuke to Ai's apartment and that's what he meant by killing her out of spite.
But this goddamn back and forth is why I'm so frustrated with Hikaru's characterization.
Is he a man who loved Ai, inadvertently caused her to die, and then spiraled into madness fueled by grief and guilt? Or is he a man who loved Ai, used Ryosuke to kill her, and then spiraled into madness because he regretted his actions?
Well, aside from all the reasons presented above, the story never explicitly tells us that he tried to kill Ai. Given that Crow Girl walks around spouting monologues about who is doing what and why, and Hikaru never thought about how he tried to murder Ai in his final moments, I've settled on: Hikaru is by no means an innocent man but he never wanted Ai dead.
I rest my case. It was shaky but I did my best.
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