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vermwerm · 1 year

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very normal queenkaard headcanons 2/2

Subservient: prepared to obey others unquestioningly Less important; subordinate He has suspicious knowledge of chemicals He likes cats, and cats like him He strictly calls those off brand spiders (aka daddy long legs) “harvestmen” and refuses to use their more commonly known nameHe likes the number 34 for no particular reason He writes 7s like i do, weirdly He gives very “stick to the question” answers, a lot of people have constantly given him the “i dont care” when he adds extra information about a topic after answering someones question. He would smell vanilla extract and chug it The first few times Queen complimented him, Rou took it as a joke and awkwardly laughed it off bcuz he genuinely believed (technically believes) he didnt deserve such a thing from someone so superior to him If he had sugar tolerance he would love apple pie with vanilla ice cream He constantly has nightmares about when he almost entirely turned to stone He likes to ice skate, and he wears very specific figure skate shoes or whatever Rou, to try and desperately find purpose, makes it so that he can just be used and discarded at Darkners/Lightners leisure, Que tries to get him out of this habit, but occasionally(read: a lot of the time) he slips back into this habit of just being this useless object thats only there for a minimal amount of things He loves candles, his favorite scents are pumpkin and linen Hes very bad at typing, bcuz he has long nails Oh right i forgot to add on this list, that he has long nails, theyre naturally black :) He can wink but in the unsettling way He hates the words failure and mistake, theyve been used so often to refer to him he hates the way it comes out of peoples mouth He ironically likes the word error, not when referring to him but he likes the way its said and spelled Ok but what if he purred?? Is that too cringe? Well too bad i already have too many headcanons He uses mint flavored toothpaste cuz hes boring Im gonna slap a “you tried” star sticker on his big ass fucking forehead Rou would either have a very flowy silk gown or steal queens clothes to go to bed, no inbetweens Why do i imagine this senario where swatch gets all up in rous face but bcuz king is a fucking dickhead he has a flight or fight response and punches swatch He is very starved for positive affection… so when Que complimented him for the first time he put it off and saw it as a joke yes, but he started wanting to hang out with her more because of said compliments (also he had the biggest crush on her, like he still has the feelings too, but theyre just dating now yippee!!) Yeah he has mommy issues He immediately got tired of the “trans-parent” joke, in general he just doesnt like puns (skill issue) He always gets really happy when Queen compliments him He had this short period of time dating Queen where he would kind of just exist as a yesman to everything Him and lancer both would like the rainbow slug (if you know you know) He can draw, if you peaked in his sketchbook itd be entirely bugs and a lot of Queens He loves iridescent fabric and when he finally decides to sew he likes using the fabric he has to make outfits that fit the iridescent clothing he already has (i hate this wording what the fuck) He kind of likes, sea salt and vinegar, chips He hates the fat on meat and has to spit it out or else he will lose his appetite He sometimes just soaks in a bathtub for too long, i also imagine his weird slime skin is sponge like. Ok maybe ill remove the sponge aspect that was a joke brought on by the question of if he could mold Child rou gives “mom i frew up” vibes His voice claim is the vocaloid voicebank Kevin, a good song is UNCANNY by GHOST/Ghost and Pals :) He probably calls spoiled milk “vintage milk” Rou probably did that bobbin lacing thing, but he dropped that hobby in his 20s

Que

Queen is very warm at all times,very huggable She can cook and is very good at it She loves mistranslated shirts, and has set out to get as many as she can I do maybe fully believe that she would half ironically half unironically call Rouxls “babygirl” Queen has. Good posture Yeah she does his makeup She gives Rou, forehead kisses, or just in general a lot of positive affection She makes the best food, ever She paints Rous nails sometimes She very much constantly compliments Rou My biggest flex is unintentionally predicting AI art /hj; i think that Que cant properly create art and can only really copy or take parts of other peoples art and mash it into one, she can also perfectly replicate art. She draws like a printer too She very easily gets tricked by optical illusions I feel like she would say “holy fuck, holy fucking fuck, that body of yours is absurd” to Rou at least twice

#queen deltarune #rouxls kaard #deltarune #deltarune headcanons #aueue #queenkaard

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sunflowerinpearls · 7 months

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Husbands' words are not matching actions and vice versa. Hes been "venting" to "me" in front of our oldest (turning 16 may 10) on our "current" marriage?....problem(s).

I tried my best to keep my mouth shut and one time he asked me to play a song so I for one am so plugged up i cant really hear much, sometimes even music is too loud (sensory processing disorder) and I guess i didnt even hear him say something and the child caught on to what was happening and said "you're ignoring dad again"

So i spoke to her instead of him since she said it, & I said "I didnt ignore him. I didnt hear him. I was hyper focused on the song he requested me to play."

And then he went on just one of many other rants in front of her, asking "you dont think I ever hyper focus on anything? When Im home on my days off, I feel like im your servant" All day anytime I asked for help, to him I was demanding it and not appreciating stuff he did and then he would not stop talking about every single thing he did today around the house and for our children and its like.... ok cool.

And people get paid to do what i do here at home, every single day all day long. Didn't say it would be easy, however I did ask for help. He tried to say he understands im frustrated bcuz im home all day and i guess i interrupted and was rude bcuz i said "Its not THAT, at all" (cuz its...not?) Lastly i stumbled upon his fave song & started playing it & asked him to plz get me my night meds bcuz I am so fucking cold to the touch, esp to others. And moving makes it hurt.:// He said "You can just not play the song now. Thanks." So uhh.. Like all I am learning here is 1) I need to stop asking him to help me w/ literally anything and like he has said in the past which I clearly shouldve listened to: "If you (*me doing this: "cough" "cough") WANT something RIGHT NOW!, I'll have to get up and get it myself or wait until I he is ready to do it." And 2) I've been right all along. I cant count on even my own Husband so like uhh.... okay. And Now to him, I'm just a burden. Let alone ya know, i guess having influenza and not doing shit around the house "today" (literally just today, and actually, i still did some stuff which is better than none lol) and hes acting like he deserves a fucking gold medal. For what? Being a husband a father and taking responsibility of everything whilst your wife is ill? K. Never asking you for shit now. Ill send lists to him at work if the house needs anything. He hasnt had sex from me in a month because for the past 2 months steady, I have been sick with an upper respiratory virus affecting my asthma and everything else and now this so uhh, my bad. Next time I'll just faint (again) & hit my head probably (again) and then maybe, theyll see that hes just gonna send me by myself and come pick me up when Im done being in there because he has to sleep for work tomorrow. Not to ya know, dare mention that if the bulging disc in my spine "RUPTURES", all signs & symptoms of paralysis will hit fast & clearly that would become a huge Emergency Situation... So I was "told to do it anyway" by him even after explaining the deck was covered in thick broken shattered ice chunks and with my slip on shoes that are the only shoes i can wear, I told him "I'm not doing that" and now it's my fault it was left outside until when he came home (3 1/2 hours before home). I feel as if my health is a major burden to him and maybe its time for me to get an inhome nurse... Some people just arent built to take care of anyone else. And maybe idk, maybe he is starting to see that I a really honestly, not in love with him at this point anymore. Maybe tomorrow or next month or next whatever, or maybe never will I be back in love with him.It seemed to me like the exact day that he was hired on as a manager at his workplace, things shifted. He dropped a huge bomb on me. I had to then last night, inform my family that I'm doing gene testing to see if i am a carrier of a breast cancer gene for reasons. They're also testing for thyroid & ovarian seeing as those run heavily. My chances before gene testing was uncomfortable to talk to our 3 kids about but they were as accepting as they can be, as their Mother my main priority should be my health so that Incan get better so that I can continue to do what I freaking LOVE DOING SO MUCH!!!!!! Like I truly do so why continually, continually say outloud in front of the 3 kids that "well I've done all of this and all of this because you asked for help" and it all started over me asking him if he can take lily her cup of water since shes coughing so badly. My flu/asthma/sinus shit is awful and my heart problem make it hard for me to walk sometimes let alone climb stairs.... He's acting like he deserves a gold medal when im always keeping the house up and im not doing that. What im doing is showing him what all i have to do during the day, some updates on what i dod and whatever else i wanna send.

I told him that its unfair to us completely that he doesnt turn off "Manager" when he walks through the door. He had a conversation to me and said hes not gonna be able to shut that off when he comes home and he has to take on so much responsibilities and he feels like he needs to be inside the house alone without myself or the kids or the pets for like half a year to get his straight. Bruh. Like no. Just do better. Idk how many people told me that Id never do this and id never do that and here i am proving them wrong every single day.

But every time he speaks to me like this, I am taken back to a time where I was told "your mother never should've made you." At i think 4-5 years old? I am disabled for many reasons. And I can tell everyone all the time until I'm fucking blue in my own face that, when I say that I cant do something and I ask for help, the help is met with a "your legs work" or "you're capable. You just dont wanna wait" No duh. Thats why i said "now please". Would you rather I give you another reason to hit me 3x flat-cupped handed times on my face again and say that "If I wanted it right now and could have gotten it right now for myself"

Im tired of asking for help and being treated like nothing other than a burden and his biggest fucking problem. How was I supposed to know that I was going to this sick on your 2 days off and that every time I asked for anything, you were upset.

I guess i was right and I'm just a different person now because of trauma processing and healing. But being sick enough to make 4 separate appointments during the 2 month span and if this gets worse, this one too. So I feel like he wants me to say something to him or do something for him, but all Im getting from this is "do not ask me for anything". Isnt your spouse supposed to be the one taking care of you when youre sick? Hes already lost me emotionally. And right before our ten year wedding annivarsary. Cool.

Advice?

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matoitech · 2 years

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ok so potentially the ‘50 cities’ thing in the q&a yesterday meant more ‘50 major cities left in the promare universe, in the WORLD’ which super got me thinking abt what we know now from that + some other info (bcuz i immediaely was like How the fuck would that work)

promepolis is one of them, the others mentioned explicitely: new york, london, and tokyo. there r more obv but those were the explicitely mentioned ones.

we know promepolis is somewhere in where the US used to be even tho the US doesnt exist anymore at least not the way it did pre great world blaze; its in north america. we also know it was modeled after new york city. but apparently its not Where nyc used to be, bcuz nyc is STILL STANDING

promepolis is explicitely referred to as a special economic zone. its also been referred to before as the independent republic of promepolis b4 multiple times like thats its canon name

when the gwb wiped out half the worlds population that still leaves several billion people on the planet

this basically confirms what i already suspected: most people on the planet do not live in the major cities. i wonder if the ppl living out in the post apocalyptic deserts n stuff (tho clearly places like forests n lakes have come back or continued to exist in the 30 yr time frame too) r aware of how heavily policed the cities probably are (or at least promepolis is), but the ppl who live inside the cities themselves like in promepolis only rly have access to whatever propaganda they spread there. cuz its gotta be a pain in the ass to try and get to anywhere else unless ur burnish n can fly lol

id assume the other cities r probably also reinforced to some degree against outsiders if most ppl live outside the cities and we dont rly know how other cities function since promepolis is Very closed off n explicitely a police state. they must trade w each other.. probably? idk enough abt how thatd work to guess

i did read an interview w the director maybe years ago where he mentioned economic disparity in the promare universe n that most ppl on the planet live in poverty n they never got to rly like do much with that in the movie so that surely ties in2 this

#it could still mean 50 cities within the republic of promepolis Or the continent Or the world so we will wait 4 that one #50 CITIES LEFT ON THE CONTINENT MAKES MORE SENSE THAN 50 LEFT IN THE WORLD BUT ALSO ITSS TRIGGER SO #if were going by MAJOR cities n assuming that smaller cities have sprung up or been like rebuilt to some degree since then.. maybe?#promare

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skzfairies · 3 years

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sooyoung’s relationship with nct dream!

✿ mark

he was actually the first one to introduce himself to her in the dreamies

he was really sweet towards her but wasn’t like, over the top, he was kinda chill yk

and that just made her feel so comfortable because she had so many worries about joining nct dream as a girl, she knew monique would also be there, but they weren’t in the same unit so it was very nerve racking for sooyoung

and this girl was like, 15 and she was being thrown into debut suddenly with a bunch of boys, and it was very overwhelming

but mark assured her that it was all okay, and that everyone wanted her there, and that she deserved to be here

if she was ever having any problems with anything, he would always try his best to help her out, or direct her to someone he knew would help her

and now they are the bestest friends, sooyoung admitted that out of the members he feels like an older brother the most to her :D

their always goofing off or messing around, but not like bouncing off the walls together, they just make jokes to each other and burst out laughing

they have so so many inside jokes omg

and whenever they randomly make eye contact, they would always burst out laughing, they literally can NOT be serious around each other ....

mark is basically the reason she knows so much english 😭 she literally just repeats whatever he says and then studies it later....that’s basically how she learned lmaooooo

✿ renjun

renjun ALWAYS clowns her, like she could just be breathing and he would make fun of her (all jokes ok he loves her)

and she’s just like .... did i ask

but she always gets him back :D

she doesn’t roast him, but rather she EMBARRASSES him

if renjun teased her a lot in a video that was uploaded fhat day, she would go on vlive and tell a VERY embarrassing story of renjun and go in COMPLETE detail and then she’s done she’s like “how are you guyssss?”

once renjun saw that she was doing that and he went to where ever she was and complained about it and she just laughed at him while he was begging her to stop 😭

they love each other i promise

they also play fight a lot, like they could just randomly be hanging out in the living room and they would just randomly start fighting each other until they called a truce

sooyoung always wins ☺️, you gotta learn a few tricks if you spend the majority of your time with seven boys

also, when sooyoung got confindent and comfortable with speaking some mandarin, she randomly started speaking it renjun

and he was SO touched like 🤞 he was in shock he was like “when did you- how- what?” and she was just like “ i wanted to learn some so i can talk to you and chenle, i don’t know much but it’s a start!”

and renjun just hugged her, he didn’t know what to say and he was like I LOVE THIS GIRL SO MUCH

no bcuz sooyoung literally deserves the world okay shes so sweet

and renjun would teach her and help her practice when he saw her studying and they just have little conversations with each other in mandarin, and it’s so cute hehe

oh yeah stargazing is a thing for them heeh, when neither of them can sleep because their stressed or it’s just not happening, they both go outside and attempt to watch the stars, even if you can barely see them since their in the city :/

✿ jeno

GAMING BESTIES

they stay up so late playing games whenever they are off and always regret it in the mornings 😭

when she first started playing games w him she was rlly bad and jeno would always beat her and he was SO SMUG ABOUT IT and he was like “haha loser💪”

and sooyoung being the hard worker she is, she practiced her gaming skills for a few months and watched a ton of vids and jeno would ask her to game and she was like “no, not yet.” “i’m kidding your not a loser!” “i’m not playing w u until i can beat ur ass!”

and then a few months later she finally asked him to play

and jeno was like YAY ☺️☺️

and he kept on hyping himself up,,, and then sooyoung beat him

she ended up beating him 4/6 times they played 🤞

JENO WAS SO SHOCKED

HE WAS SO HEARTBROKEN

and sooyoung was just like :))) it’s okay jeno, maybe next time!” and she skipped out of his room happily while jeno was still like :0

he sat there in shock for awhile...

song writing besties 🤞

he actually helped her a lot when she was first learning, and when she completed her lyrics she had him check them over

same for him, she would always read over his lyrics he written, and sometimes she recorded a guide for him !

they always bounce ideas off of each other whenever their stuck, and then their like “damn we rlly are big brain 🤞”

OHHHH SHE MET HIS CATS ONCE

she fell in love with them, and his cats were instantly drawn to her

jeno has like 100 pictures of her w his cats he’s like :)) my childern

after meeting them sooyoung wont stop asking for asking for pictures of them or asking if their okay 😭

jenos like “do you love my cats more than me?“ and shes like “YUP:D”

✿ haechan

oh my gosh someone seperate them

these two are so chaotic omg

they are always coming at everyone’s throats omg

they roast the shit out of everyone 😭😭

whenever they are together there’s always loud laughing, BECAUSE HAECHAN IS JUST SO FUNNY OK

completly random but they look so cute and pretty sitting next to each other :D

haechan does tease her, but it’s not as much as the other members and she’s like :) “i’m special”

he’s always hugging on her and she either has two reactions:

if she’s sleepy and haechan throws himself on her she’s like ??? who tf is on me ??? and she looks so confused while haechan is moving around on her to get comfy and hes lowkey screaming and shes like 😳 i just woke up, and then she just goes back to sleep

if she’s wide awake she will scream and laugh and jokingly push haechan off of her until she gives up and just hugs back onto him, and she pats his head and goes “haechannie, your so cute :) i love you!“

its kinda a suprise that he’s older than her because he acts SO CUTE AROUND HER

and normally sooyoung would judge tf iut of u if you acted cute around her but wirh haechan she gets SO SOFT

like internally screams with haechan looks at her with a soft expression on his face because HE IS JUST SO CUTE AWH

another gaming duo <3

although it’s harder to beat haechan for her 😭😭

she’s only beat him like 5 times of the 6 years she’s known him 🤞

they also stay up late together, like they’ll be facetiming and they will litwrally just talk about ANYTHING and laugh their asses off

he lets her ramble about the random facts that she knows or the show she has been watching and jes just like :D your so cute, even if she repeated the same thing 2828 times or is not making any sense at all

haechan and sooyoung are so soft for each other 🤞

but they also arent afraid to roast tf out of each other 💪

✿ jaemin

these two are the sweetest omg

like they are SO CLOSE

and they are always together omg

like they always hang out in either one of their rooms and chill, it’s mostly her room tho because she complains about jaemins bed 😳

jisung feels like jaemin is his roomie too because he’s in there so much :0

dw sooyoung and jaemin are considerate 🤞

if jisung is sleeping and they wanna have a deep ass talk then jaemin will drags her to his room, because lets say jeno is a heavy sleeper (idk if he is but lets just say he is ☺️)

they are ALWAYS cuddling, like whenever she walked infront of his and he is sitting down, he’ll pull her to either sit next to him or his lap, it depends if cameras are around 🤞 and then once she’s sitting he’ll wrap his arms around her and just cuddle until they get uncomfortable lmao 😭

sooyoung will not fall asleep on any other member but jaemin, it’s just a thing idk, not that she’s not comfortable with the other members she just prefers to cuddle w jaemin since they cuddle so much hehehehe

whenever they are out walking in the streets and she’s tired she’ll grab onto jaemin’s shirt and he just down at her like :0 oh my god your so cute i just wanna protect ☺️, and he just puts his arm around her shoulder while she holds onto him :( i love them their relationship is so soft

ohhhhh jaemin made her go bike riding w him one day and she felt like she was going to DIE, her legs were so sore afterwards but jaemin was semi fine, and she was just like 😡i hate you.

she always asks jaemin to edit her photos for her, cuz she doesn’t know how hmph, and jaemin offered to teach her so she was like ☺️ okay so she sat in a chair next to him, and she ended up falling asleep.... whoops

jaemin was like “so you just do this to remove any- sooyoung?” and he looked down and sooyoung had her head against her knees, and she was OUT, like jaemin tried everything to wake her, so he ended up having to pick her up and put her on his bed while he finished editing her pictures 🤞

best boy jaemin YUP

i could write for AGES about them because i just love their relationship so so so much but all you guys need to know in summary is that they are such a soft friendship, they can always be seen cuddling together, they talk about almost everything, and their just besties :D

✿ chenle

01 liner babe’s yup !

they were close before debuting because they were close in age, and when they found out they were debuting they were like YESSS I KNOW YOU 😟😟

they call themselves twins hehe, even if they aren’t even born in the same month 😭

if they say they are twins, they are twins.

HIGH PITCHED LAUGH DUO YUP

sooyoung also has a higher pitched laughed, so whenever they laugh, it’s VERY high pitched

also they love to randomly harmonize?

like they could just be sitting in the waiting room and then they would just sing in harmony and then go back to whatever they were doing :0

ohhhh and they LOVE doing tik toks together

they will do covers of dances together or those silly duo ones and it’s so FUNNY because they are both so chaotic and it’s so cute

they really killing everyone w their cuteness 😭😭😭

he was also so shocked when she spoke mandarin to him, even if it was just a little bit and kinda awkward because she had just been studying to for a few months (she started studying it in january 2021!) and he was like 😟😄😄

he also gave her a big hug but he was way more entergetic than renjun, he shook her back and forth and yelled in her ear, NOT ON OURPOSE

he was just excited 🤞🤞

ohhhh they also post lil duets together :D and it’s so CUTE

like their both bare faced in a dim lit vocal room and one of them is playing the piano, and they just sing, and it’s so raw and beautiful, OH MY GOD I LOVE THEM

vocal icons

✿ jisung

at first he was kinda shy around her, since hes normally shy around new people

and sooyoung was like, i understand, but shes an extrovert so she tried her hardest to be friends with everyone and talk to everyone, and jisung was like ???? how are you so talkative ???

the first thing he ever said to her was “your shirt’s cool, i like shinee subaenim too!” and it was really quiet and sooyoung was like “thanks ☺️”.

she was wearing a shinee tshirt btw, she’s a big shawol 🤭

they eventually got close though, i mean your bound to be when your with them all day yk

but sooyoung was so soft and gentle w him and reassuring him that it’s okay that hes a lil shy and he just felt comfortable around her, even if it was kinda hard to have conversations

now their inseparable!

she always laughs whenever he breaks something, but she always grabs it and sees if she can fix it for him, while laughing

for the first few years of their debut jisung was like her lil bro, she would always tease him or fool around him

and now its the reverse 😭

jisung always roast her or teases her, and it’s so subtle she would just laugh whenever he said something and then after awhile she realizes what he just said so she’s like ... ☺️😟😳😕

shes like wHAT HAPPENED TO MY LIL BRO

jisung always pats her head when she has her mouth open after he teases her, and is like “hehe, love u”

“sure you do jisung, sure you do.”

she gets him back by blasting twice or shinee and dancing on her bed until jisung gets out of bed and turns it off 😭

she never does that when he’s sleeping because she doesn’t actually wanna make him mad 😭

they have never fought and she’s not willing to loose that streak

jisung compared their hand size once and it litteraly made sooyoungs hands look like a baby hand and she was like ... i hate it here

now he always asks for a high five and then he laughs because of the size difference

and she gets SO MAD

“STOP DOING THATTTTT, ITS NOT FUNNY”

“stop falling for it 🤷‍♂️”

“hOLD ME BACK.”

jaemin actually had to hold her back from running after him after he teased her

not that she would hurt jisung....she would just hit him a few times

jaemin scolds her for fighting the members he’s like “we do not condone violence in this household!”

then she goes “condone violence my ass! just let me flick him.”

jaemin doesn’t let her flick him 😭😭

she does it before jisung goes to sleep tho 💪

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a-deadly-serenade · 3 years

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overall this season was pretty decent. i have some thots whats new so im gonna share them below the cut if anyone’s interested :)

so!! first off i’ll say that there were a lot of things i did really enjoy from season 4!

the action was super fun as always!! i loved all the crazy enemies and callbacks! the skeleton fight and all those little goblins they kept killing throughout were a nice touch ;) sypha’s use of her powers is INSANE her ice-chainsaw?? her WALL of fire?? electric balls?? come on. and the animation was NICE. i really wanna know who did most of the fight scenes bcuz the style is so different and it just POPS but in a really good way?

my favorite fight has to be ofc when everyone is REUNITED yes im basic. but the THEME song going off and well, im a whore for sotn references and i CAME when i saw the leap stone ref w the winged cape or when alucard turned into a hoard of batss AND THEN HIS WOLF FORM OOOOHH BABY!!! actually episode 9 is just a straight banger.

STRIGAAA. STRIGA. oh mama i was sweating during that fight. mad kudos to her va for them growlsss

carmilla vs isaac was a lot of fun and i loved the visuals but my hype was instantly ruined when i saw her kill herself 😭but thats smth i’ll complain about later.

not all the lines were bangers, some of sypha’s swearing seemed even a bit too much at times, and it was especially jarring to be having a face-to-face death-math with literal Death and hes acting like a naughty little 5 year old thats just learnt to swear. maybe cut back on the fuck-isms? just a bit? BUT when they hit they did GOOD. “the fuck what now?” yes

ISAAC. you weren’t in this season as much but man do u still shine through. i loved his introduction back in the town where he has his night creatures digging graves and rebuilding the city 😭 and then the conversation he shares w his flyman?? obsessed.

Hector chopping his finger off and giving lenore and carmilla a good ol FUCK YOU!! as he helps isaac. we love to see it

Trevor and Sypha’s “I love you!” “I know.” <3

DEATHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

oh! alucard actually having a story & purpose in the plot? :) luv it love to see it. that being said... the Plot.

its... ok? it’s kind of split up into 3/4 parts, as the story progresses, one eventually merges with several of the others kind of? cohesively? while leaving the other to sort itself out.

now, i didnt have too many qualms with it, it was pretty straight forward. dracula is going to be resurrected and we have sypha and trevor looking in on it, while alucard helps the nearby village and hector and isaac go on about bringing on their inevitable showdown. however, the way the story was paced and some of the decisions they made... werent so great.

st. germain for example, brought the ENTIRE momentum from the last few episodes to a halt. you have sypha and trevor fighting through heaps and heaps of monsters only to find themselves back in Targoviste where they meet the mysterious Zamfir!! and Alucard!! he’s been asked to help save this village!! all jam-packed with crazy action and animation that leaves you fired up!! and then episode 5 comes to a screeching halt and we spend nearly the entire thing on st. germain’s backstory and explaining his motives for the rest of the season

like. imma be real with you chief: he didnt need to be here lol. you could have just left varney as the main vamp in charge of bringing back big daddy drac and he could reveal to his.. idk henchmen or something that he’s death. but u gotta fill them ten 20 minute slots somehow!! he just fell so flat and unfortunately, a lot of the side-characters suffer from this this season.

i enjoyed great and zamfir, i love their desgins esp, but they really could have been fleshed out more. zamfir is shown as nothing but a spoiled brat the majority of the time she’s on screen but they wait till she’s about to die to try and turn her character around? huh? greta is given a bit more screentime but this sudden confession of feelings in the last episode felt so... huh?? why couldnt she just be dedicated to her people and show that u can love someone w/out necessarily being their partnr? i thot that was her whole thing; taking care of her people. it’s like. where did this come from. they cant have known each other more than a week at most dog 😭

it sucks they dedicated to much time to scenes that didnt really need to be there where we could have gotten this proper development, like maybe have a scene zamfir and sypha connect over struggles they’ve dealt with in the past and that has her open up about how traumatizing dracula’s attack on her city was. u could have expanded upon her role in the court and WHY she worshipped the monarchy so much instead of making it a throwaway gag about her being “crazy”. but why have that when we could instead spend the first 5 minutes of said episode watching a monotonous back-and-forth b/w varney and that big burly russian vampire who’s name im sure mor than 98% of the audience cant even remember?

just a lot of fat that needed to be trimmed so that the actual MEAT of the story could be slow cooked to perfection. people really arent kidding when they say less is more.

another big problem i had was there... i dont even know what to call it, re-humanization? redemption? of Lenore. like lmk if im wrong but she manipulated hector, yeah? coerced sex to slip on that ring that binds him to her?? orr whatever weird shit warren’s into. but the way they interacted, ESPECIALLY in their first major scene together was sooo uncomfortable to watch lol at first i thought perhaps hector was only playing along because well. hes enslaved to do her and carmilla’s bidding. but no, he actually LIKES her. he spares her when isaac comes around, he says that he wants to keep her as his own. and in the meantime, lenore finds time to complain to a man that’s been beaten and enslaved how upset it makes her that carmilla got angry at her 😭 or says thats she tired of isaac keeping tabs on her and wants to escape this ‘cage’. to aman thats literally been imprisoned since youve known him 😭her death is seen as peaceful, calm, they even try and tug at ur heartstrings by swelling this sad, dramatic music as the sun rises. really? LENORE?

and carmilla’s death happened WAYY too early imo. she was the villain for practically 3 seasons and this is how she goes? isaac couldnt get more than a stab at her? his night creatures couldnt take a nibble? HECTOR couldnt even be given a chance to do somethng like come on

the resolution was... strange? it was cute!! and happy!! but i dunno if they really needed to have lisa and vlad coming back, but, like i said; it was cute! definitely not the ending i was expecting.

i’m glad that they put their focus back on what made the show so much fun and that was the FIGHTS. they definitely helped add some much needed spice to things when scenes started to drag, but im a gal that really luvs a good story and even though reviews were raving that this season helped closed the lid on all the themes theyd been exploring, i just didnt really see that. which isnt necessarily a BAD thing, i knew i wasnt gonna find some deep introspective themes in this hack n slash horror-fantasy, its just what can turn somethng like this from an ok show to a GREAT one.

in the end, im glad they stopped at this one and im curious to see if they really DO go ahead on making spin-offs. bcuz unfortunately, i will always be down for som new castlevania content

#cv4 #this is REALLY long #and BRIMMING with spoilers #so read at ur own discretion #otherwise ty for spending ur valuable time to hear what a random sob like me has to say <3

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soccialcreature · 4 years

Text

rebels s4 first-time watch liveblogging! (just jedi knight on bcuz i only wanna watch the good eps of this show)

sorry. the hair is bad. maybe dont let a blind man give himself a haircut

kanan and hera r the only too bitches i care about in this house

theyre soooo cuuuute ugh

y go to the fuel depot tho that seems like a recipe for disaster

kanan didnt have to b dramatic about it i think they all cudve gotten away if he had just got in the ship. theyve been in tighter situations before

can kanan b a force ghost tho? just to talk to hera. idc about the others. hera seems rly broken up about this

hera: *crying*. chopper: bur bur. bur bur bur bur bur. hera: *sniffles* youre right

ezra and hera reminiscing about kanan is actually really good and really hits :(

the side plot is stupid. y not just use a bomb-bomb and kill that little grey bitch. a fuckin paint bomb? r u serious?let zeb kill him bitch goddamnit zeb deserves a little murder. as a treat

what the fuck is happening

god fucking damnit dave u fucking furry ive had enough of these fucking wolves

i hate how they talk

EZRA SAID “AHSOKA” <33333

leave hera alone she needs like 5 fucking minutes to grieve her baby-daddie’s death goddamn

FUCK YEAHHHHH WE R GOING BACK TO THE JEDI TEMPLE i love the jedi i miss the clone wars :(

im gonna say it. the loth-cats cudve been cuter

ohmygod dave finally made his dream come true of having his characters ride wolves (bcuz he said he wanted ahsoka to ride a wolf at some point. but these guys riding wolves r fine too i guess. ahsoka makes anything cooler tho... jus sayin)

AHSOKA

this is some force-power-bullshit that i can GET BEHIND. TELEPORTING WOLVES HELL YEAH

WHY CUDNT THEY JUST FUCKING KEEP THE STORMTROOPER OUTFITS THAT THEY STOLE THE FIRST TIME WHY. DO THEY HAVE TO DO THIS SAME BULLSHIT EVERY. GODDAMN. EPISODE

they literally have no asses

who the fuck is this crusty bitch

COURUSCANT lets go there. i miss the clone wars :(

wait wheres rex. is he safe? is he alright?

y does sabine have to b here

good job ezra u got it. u cracked the code. ahsoka is the daughter <3

sorry nothing was happening so i blanked out for a bit but now we are in the world between worlds AND I AM HEARING THE VOICES OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS GOD I LOVE U GUYS OBI WAN AHSOKA ANAKIN I LOVE YALL

this scene is very cool tho

ugh stop can i skip the sabine scenes? i wanna hang out w ezra in the world between worlds

AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA AHSOKA

SO FUCKING COOOOOOOL

she shud do the thing again where she falls onto her back and kicks the enemy away i think thatd b rly fun

hellooooo hottie

ahsoka <3

does she know shes the baddest bitch in the galaxy? i feel like she doesnt know. i feel like sabine thinks SHES the baddest bitch in the galaxy but rly its ahsoka

is it like ahsokas job is to dramatically go “anakin...”

when did she name the fucking bird

ok god complex ezra

ahsokas been through so much shit in her lifetime. she can literally understand any trauma just name it

cud we not have done one more take to have my guy palps say ahsokas name correctly? i mean its not a huge deal but like. was he payed by the second???

“i will. i promise” ahsoka ur so fucking cute

whered it go

how can the entire temple just skrrt away

REX

KALLUS

AHHH MY FRIENDS

WOLFFE AND GREGGOR

HONDO

okay what the fuck is happening y did everyone just show up

ahsoka said “ima take a nap hmu after the finale”

i hate this fuckin grey dude

hondo ily

sorry i stopped paying attention but wolffe just had a line so im back now

OHMYGOSH

BOYFRIENDS

KALLUZEB IN THE SAME FRAME OHMYGOODNESS

oh my fuck this next episode is HOW MANY MINUTES LONG?????

hera in this ep b like ‘am i gregnant?’

kallus ur the coolest bitch in this whole show (minus ahsoka)

go hera <3

yo what the fuck

this episode is 47 goddamn minutes so that we have time for this pig catapulting bullshit?

the whole second half of this show is just the writers making excuses to have thrawn do absolutely nothing while still pretending like he’s a threat

why r there 2 separate animal dues ex machinas in this finale?

yoooo ezra i actually rly like u bro :(((

hey where the fuck is darth vade y did he just dip out of the show. i feel like he cud help the empire out in this situation

very weird that thrawn supports sabines patreon or whatever the fuck

heyyyy palpatine what the fuck

they were rly broken up about kanans death for like. an episode. but theyre chill now theyre over it

y is palpatine into ezra?

can kallus and zeb smooch? just once? please? wud that b so hard?

how is this pig not dead

oh lmao he is dead hahahahahahah

im still confused about how greggor didnt die in clone wars. i thought he died? was i tripping?

palpatine is trying so hard not to saw “dewit” right now

what does destroying the temple accomplish?

HOW R THEY STORMTROOPERS MISSING THESE SHOTS WHAT THE FUCK HE IS A STATIC TARGET

oh so NOW ull kill the little grey bitch

GOD FUCK THE PIG IS ALIVE????? ARGH U AINT CUTE BITCH. JUST DIE

y cant he get out of there tho

bro a bitch is crying

yooo

theyre dating

hera’s makeup

the way i broke down when i saw ahsoka

tears

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phandomsecretvalentines · 7 years

Text

Love; not wrong (brave)

Happy valentines day 💞💞 i hope u have a great day, where ever you are and whatever you do.

This is litteraly just 4k words of fluffy stuff (although phil’s lowkey drunk in one of the prompts, nothing happens other than him ranting about how perfect dan is, but if you dont like that stuff its the 14th. Theres also a few loose mentions of depression and feelings of anxiety but nothing dan and phil dont say themselves. Also swearing bcuz dan. Happy endings thoo, i mean its just oneshots lmao). I hope you like it tho it was v fun to write. All the prompts are from @inlovesuggest (i got their permisson).

(Also the numbers at the begining of some of them like “[10]” are what year it takes place in, if i think its important to include. If thats not there it can take place whenever makes sense but probably 2017/18)

Yeahhh hope you enjoy! @dan-matian (from @butterscotchwithwhitemalteasers)

(I’ll stop overexplaining now) ———- ———- ❝ i have a feeling im gonna love you for a long long time ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was the day after when Phil realised he might be in love.

After the anticipation, after the endless butterflies, after the sunset Skybar dates.

They were lying on Phil’s family sofa together, rewatching episodes of Buffy in comfortable silence. Dan’s head was laying on Phil’s chest as Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, it was curling at the tips now.

Dan started giggling at some cheesy joke, and hid his smile in his hands. His red patch flared up, his dimples grew, eyes crinkled. He did have a pretty laugh.

Phil titled his head and gave Dan a look.

“I’m not laughing! Shut up.” Dan’s face turned red-rose as he pushed it inside Phil’s shirt.

Phil couldn’t help the huge grin that spread across his face.

“You were. But I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“You’re kinda cute,”

“Oh.”

Dan’s face got even more rosy, if that was possible.

“And I think I might love you.” ———- ❝ The sound of your voice makes me realize everything is ok, as long as I’m by your side. ❞ ———- [16] ———- Even after years of doing tours and books, Phil still felt nervous on stage.

Thousands of people watching him live, expecting, hoping.

He knew they loved him, but that didn’t console the pit in his stomach whenever he was about to step on.

What did help, however, was Dan.

Dan being there. His slightly posh voice, his half-confident-half-slacking posture. His arm, brushing against Phil’s, as he rushed off to go do something; or just so they could touch for a brief moment.

It was almost time to head on. Phil could hear the audience and the pre-show music Dan set, he could feel the anticipation in the air.

Unlike Dan, Phil was a shy kid. He didn’t do drama, he didn’t preform. This wasn’t him.

Dan’s fingers loosely touched against Phil’s arm, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“We go on in five.”

Phil smiled nervously.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be fine.”

As long as they’re together. ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

It’s not that he thought they were bad, or that he wouldn’t listen to them, he just found them rather unrelatable and boring. How many times does one have to listen to someone sing about the touch of another person?

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every ‘his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ when i say “i love you” it’s not out of habit, it’s to remind you that you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me ❞ ———- Compared to other people, maybe Dan and Phil didn’t say 'I love you’ much.

They decided, after a while, they’d rather show it.

So maybe Phil wouldn’t always say 'I love you’ before bed, but he would cook dinner more days a week than Dan.

He would take care of Dan when Dan couldn’t take care of himself. Phil would always cover anything for Dan, because he knew sometimes he needed it, even if he didn’t say.

He would make sure Dan got home safe, even when he only went out for milk. He’d even go out and get milk for Dan, if he was feeling far too overwhelmed to leave home that day.

And yeah, Dan might not always whisper 'I love you’ during early morning breakfasts, but he would take care of Phil when he was feeling poorly.

He would do more editing for the gaming channel, and he cleaned up the house far more. He tried to do most of their paperwork, because it often stressed Phil.

He would put his cereal in the same place every time, even when Phil always stole it.

But sometimes they would say I love you.

Sometimes, they would wake up and breathe it into each other’s ear.

Sometimes, they would make dinner and hum, in a tone, “I lovvveeee youuuuuuuu,” while putting it on the table.

Sometimes, they would sneak up behind each other while they edited, and scream it so loud that the other jumped off the sofa.

Sometimes, Phil would whisper it to Dan when Dan was too depressed to care.

Sometimes, Dan would mutter it to Phil when he was already far past asleep.

But they both always knew. ———- ❝ those knowing looks you give me from across the room are enough to make me want to stay in this place ❞ ———- Dan hated business meetings.

He hated going outside, he hated going into a building full of near-strangers, he hated talking to said strangers, he hated trying to understand complicated business concepts at far-too-early o'clock.

He wanted to leave.

Phil insisted, always, that he could go alone. It would be fine. Dan didn’t need to be there, and he didn’t mind.

Dan never took him up on the offer, he wasn’t that selfish.

So there he was, a Monday afternoon, looking out the window and bored out of his mind. He felt like he was in secondary school again; complicated concepts, boring statistics, and an unfocused mind. What was even so much better as an adult?

Dan felt Phil nudge his knee with a foot.

“You okay?” He whispered.

Right. That’s what was better. He had Phil.

“Yeah, just bored.”

“Me too, but there’s only fourty minutes left. You’ll be fine.”

Not for the first time, Dan admired Phil’s sensibility to always bring a watch to meetings.

They had both agreed that checking your phone looked quite rude, but checking a £3 Hello Kitty watch was a lot more subtle.

“Thanks.”

Phil gave Dan a small smile from across the table, and suddenly, maybe business meetings with Phil weren’t the worst place he could be. ———- ❝ we were dancing like idiots in the parking lot to our favourite bands people were staring but your dumb smile was enough to make me not care. ❞ ———- [10] ———- //“Change, Everything you are And everything you were”//

Dan never thought he would be the one slow-dancing in a parking lot at one in the morning, but apparently love mixed with sleepless nights is a hell of a drug.

//“Your number has been called Fights, battles have begun Revenge will surely come Your hard times are ahead”//

'Butterflies and Hurricanes’ played in the background, music surrounding them. It wasn’t a favourite Muse song for either of them, but it was perfect for the night.

Phil wasn’t the best dancer, Dan could admit. But neither was he, really. And it didn’t matter. They were together.

//“Best, You’ve got to be the best You’ve got to change the world”//

People were watching them, judging, or just confused. He was sure.

But when he looked up and saw Phil’s tired smile, and felt a soft kiss press his lips, he couldn’t bring himself to care.

And so they danced, a Saturday night, in a parking lot, to a Muse song.

//“And you use this chance to be heard Your time is now”//

And Dan had never felt so content. ———- ❝ maybe i could become a morning person if my mornings started next to you ❞ ———- [11] ———- It was no secret that Phil wasn’t a morning person.

Usually, he needed at least two cups of coffee and a bowl of cereal before you could even think about talking to him.

However, when he woke up with a sleeping Dan next to him, he found it hard to feel annoyed.

Dan was wrapped all around Phil, hand clutching his shirt tightly, their legs intertwined. His mouth was slightly opened, and although he didn’t snore, Phil could hear his soft breath.

He looked so young sometimes.

Dan started to open his eyes, having felt Phil’s body move.

“Mhmm?”

“Dan, I can’t reach my phone.”

Dan’s face scrunched up in distaste, “Don’t need it. 'Have me.”

Dan pulled Phil tightly into a half-hug, pinning him back down under the blankets.

He nuzzled his head into Phil’s neck, closing his eyes as his breathing steadied out again.

Maybe Phil didn’t actually mind mornings that much. ———- ❝ your laugh reminds me of all the good in the world ❞ ———- [15] ———- Dan had always loved Phil’s laugh.

From old videos, to Skype, to in person, to on the sofa next to him at three in the afternoon.

They were playing Mario Cart 8, and Dan wasn’t having the best luck. Despite being arguably worse, Phil had won every round so far, or at least gotten ahead of Dan.

Dan had managed to fling himself off the track entirely— for the fifteenth time that day— and Phil was laughing so hard Dan worried he might burst.

Dan’s favourite laugh of Phil’s.

His tounge-through-teeth laugh, where he tried to cover it with his hands but always gave in, ending up with smile lines and blushed cheeks.

Dan couldn’t stop staring. He had caused that.

He knew it was just a game of Mario Cart, that he made Phil laugh an endless amount of times, but occasionally it just hit him.

Not to romanticize, but Dan swore Phil’s laugh sounded like actual angels. It sounded like young children playing while their parents looked on; like every good thing to ever have existed, all at once. It reminded him of what happiness felt like.

“You okay Dan?”

Dan hadn’t realised how long he’d been staring for.

“Yeah. By the way, I like your laugh. Sounds nice.”

“Odd compliment, but thanks.” ———- ❝ wrapped in your arms, I feel so safe and calm. ❞ ———- Today had been a day.

Paperwork got mixed up, a venue had a miscommunication and lost a row of seats, and Phil’s birthday was in less than a week.

It was a lot for Dan at once, and he was so fucking tired.

“Phil! I need your help looking this over.”

Phil was on the phone, ordering dinner.

'Can it wait?’ He mouthed silently.

Dan shook his head violently. He was just about fed up.

Phil rolled his eyes, and muttered 'Be right back, emergency.’ into his phone.

“Alright, what?”

Dan squeezed his eyes shut tightly, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. Wait— Yes. I do know. It just is a bit blurry, in my head. Since I’m tired. Can you just explain what they said to call them for I’m really tired.”

Phil looked softly at Dan.

“It’s okay to take a break, Dan. It’s late. We can have dinner and go to bed or watch a movie.”

“No, I need this done tonight. You don’t understand. I need it perfect.”

“Not everything needs to be perfect.”

“Yes! Shit, yes. It does—”

Dan was exhausted.

Phil hugged Dan.

Dan eased into Phil’s embrace, hot tears rolling down his cheeks.

“I’m tired,”

“I know.”

“And so stressed.”

Phil kissed Dan’s forehead.

“I know, let’s lie down.”

Phil grabbed his phone, finished ordering their food, and lay on the sofa with Dan.

Dan nudged into Phil’s arms, closing his eyes.

Phil lightly kissed him, and held him closer.

“You can nap for a bit, if you want. The food is fourty minutes away. I’ll be here.”

Dan sighed contently.

“Thank you.” ———- ❝ my hands are cold, would you mind holding them? ❞ ———- [11] ———- “It’s snowing.”

Dan and Phil were sitting on Phil’s balcony, sipping hot coco.

“It is,”

“It’s cold.” Dan smiled innocently at Phil.

“Yes? Do you need mittens? I think I have a pair—”

“Can you hold my hand?”

“Oh-” Phil went bright pink, “Sure, yeah, okay.”

He reached out and tapped his fingers nervously against Dan’s free hand, before interlocking them.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. It is really cold, actually.”

Dan laughed, “Yeah, I know! It actually is snowing out, it wasn’t all a ploy.”

Phil smiled warmly.

“I like holding your hand.”

“We are doing this for warmth and survival only, you dork. But, I like holding your hand too.” ———- ❝ Just the two of us, cuddling at late night. Enjoying the silence, and the presence of each other. I fall asleep in your chest, hearing your heartbeats ❞ ———- It was 2am, they’re watching a Studio Ghibli movie.

Or at least, they were, until the credits rolled and they were too lazy to pick another one.

So now, they were lying on the sofa, listening to the silence and the others heartbeat.

Dan’s head was on Phil’s chest, a grin as he heard Phil’s soft breathing.

Phil was running his fingers through Dan’s curls, twirling each one.

Dan’s eyelids slowly difted closed, and his breathing evened out.

“Goodnight, Danny.” Phil whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

Dan smiled within his sleep. ———- ❝ i never want to know what life is like without you again ❞ ———- [17] ———- In more ways than one, Dan and Phil ran on parallel tracks.

Their thoughts, but their actions too. Their daily lives so delicately intertwined.

They would wake up together, one kissing the other or just the sound of an aggressively loud alarm.

They would get dressed, take showers, brush their teeth, fix their hair, in turns. Perfectly in sync. A well oiled machine.

One of them would make breakfast, or they both would. Coffee, tea, cereal. A petty argument about stolen cereal, sometimes, then a slice of toast.

They would watch TV, or an anime, but today they watched Undercover Cops. Phil wanted to spice it up a bit.

After that, they’d sit in the lounge, doing nothing, editing, or any mix of the two.

Eventually, one of them would get hungry, and they would order or cook. Today it was order, burritos from a local mexican place and salads.

After they ate, Dan would take off somewhere else to do something else. Piano, games, or random things around the house. Phil might join him, but not always. This was as much space as they needed.

After that, Dan would return in exercise clothes with yoga mats. Phil would go off to change, and would return. Either yoga or some standard workout, nothing too much, but enough to make Dan okay. Phil never minded it.

After that, they would return to the lounge and relax for a while. Maybe catch up on a show. Other times, they might film a gaming video, or even a main channel video if one was prepared.

Then one would be hungry again, and they would make dinner. Sometimes they ordered, but less and less, since Dan’s therapist recommended healthy home-cooked meals. They decided on Indian food, Tandoori Chicken and Rice, with a Stir-Fry.

After dinner, Dan would go play games, and Phil might too. Or maybe watch a show Dan didn’t care for. Maybe clean up a bit more. Always something, though. Unless it was a nothing day.

Sometime at night, they would get tired. They’d head off to bed, maybe Dan would want to shower again. They would just lay with each other, until the comfort of the other persons presence lulled them both to sleep.

They worked well together, and had done for years. It was hard to remember a time before they were each others lives.

Rarely ever alone. ———- ❝ a concept: holding hands while walking along the beach as the sun sets next to us and we kiss and we kiss and we kiss and mmmaybe kiss ❞ ———- [10] ———- After four hours, Dan and Phil had finally managed to escape from the rest of the group.

Now they were walking down the sandy beach, awkwardly watching the sunset, side by side.

Neither one really knew what they were doing, neither really cared.

The sky had just reached that violet-red-orange ice-creamed mix when Phil intertwined his fingers with Dan’s.

Dan looked up at him, pink cheeks.

They glanced at each other for a second longer, then continued walking.

“You do realise we’re literally doing that romantic-walk-on-the-beach cliché thing?”

“Yeah, but it’s nice.”

“It is,”

Dan looked into Phil’s eyes a moment, then softly pressed their lips together. ———- ❝ i love the way you sound at 3am and how you look when you smile. it’s addicting ❞ ———- [09] ———- It was three in the morning, and Phil had decided that Dan was pretty.

And not the flowy-hair-model pretty, but the timeless one. The one where your features are just— perfect.

Phil couldn’t even think of a proper describing word; although that may be the three glasses of wine he had earlier.

He looked at Dan’s fuzzy image through his laptop, admiring. Dan had been attempting to play piano, but gave up and was just lying on his bed now.

“You’re pretty.” Phil whispered.

Dan blushed. How adorable.

“Thanks?”

“Really. Timelessly beautiful. And sexy, and handsome and hot and gorgeous and every other good word. You’re— Dan. That’s perfect. Dan is a good word.”

Dan grinned wide at Phil’s drunken rambles.

“I–”

“And your voice, it’s just nice. Calming. You think it’s too posh or whatever but it’s not. It’s great Dan. It’s Dan! That’s a good thing. I love it. One day I wanna fall asleep to it and wake up to it and—”

Phil teared up at this. He wanted to be with Dan forever, and he knew it.

“Dan, I,”

Dan was looking a bit confused now.

“Yeah, Phil? Are you okay?”

“You’re pretty, Dan. That’s all. But that’s not all at all.” ———- ❝ being old doesn’t seem too awful when i think about growing old with you ❞ ———- [18] ———- Phil sighed, rolling over in bed.

“I’m thirty-one now.”

Dan smiled, “Yeah?”

“That’s pretty old.”

“Not that old, honestly.” Dan laughed quietly, “You’re barely over your twenties.”

“People my age have families,” Phil stares at the ceiling, unblinking. “They’re married with a house.”

“Kids don’t make you old, Phil. People have kids at sixteen, my mum had me at ninteen for God’s sake. And anyone can buy a house, anyone can get married.”

Phil leaned on his side to look at Dan. “You know what I mean—I could. I haven’t done that much, I’m getting old. I could die tommorow.”

Dan’s turn to sigh.

“You could’ve died yesterday, Philly.” He smiles fondly, “And you have done so, so, much. Really. You’ve gone to University, had three homes, have four million fans, gone on tour—there’s more to life than just domestic stuff. And if you want domestic stuff, we can do that too. Forever home, dog, eventually marriage and kids.”

“I know,”

“What’s the issue?”

“I dunno. I just don’t wanna die. I don’t want to be old, really. I don’t know.”

Dan glanced at him.

“You’re gonna be old. We’ll be old together. Like the great poet Ed Sheeran once said, 'I’ll be loving you 'till we’re seventy,’”

Phil giggles, “Maybe you’re right. It’ll be fun with you. You make things fun.”

“Yup. I’ll always love you, even when you have grey hair that you still dye black, and wrinkles, and smell like bad cologne.”

“Always.” ———- ❝ when it works out, love is incredible. it’s not overrated; there’s a reason for all the songs ❞ ———- [16] ———- Before the past years, Dan had never cared for love songs.

But then he fell in love.

Truly, truly fell in love. Not teenage romance, not a Saturday night hookup, not an unrequited crush. True, mutual, comfortable love.

And he found himself relating to the songs he found so boring.

Suddenly, every overplayed radio song was about Phil.

Every 'his lips tasted like candy’ was about the specific sweet-sour wine of Phil’s lips on a loud Friday night and a calm Wednesday morning.

Every 'I could spend forever with you’ was not an over exaggeration, but rather, true.

Why wouldn’t he spend forever with Phil? It just made sense.

Every love song made sense.

He had girlfriends before, and a boyfriend too. But Phil was the first one to ever make him realise why people wished to be in love. ———- ❝ How dare you make me smile so hard that my face hurts when you’re so far away? ❞ ———- “Well this feels like déjà vu.”

Dan was sitting on their bed, laptop opened to Skype, smiling at Phil.

Phil was at his parent’s house, sitting on a guest bed, smiling back.

“You’re right. I have too many memories of nights like these.” Phil laughs half-heartedly.

“I probably would’ve just come with you, if I didn’t have a video to film.”

“I know. And remember to send me the file when you’re done so I can watch over it.”

“Yes, Dad.” Dan rolled his eyes fondly.

“It’s your regret, Daniel.”

Dan sighed, “I miss you.”

Phil smiled back, sadly, “I miss you too. But it’s only a few days, don’t worry. Just edit.”

“I remember a lot of nights back then, saying how one day we would never have to Skype again, yet here we are.”

“Stop being melodramatic Dan, it’s only a weekend for my mum’s birthday. We’ll live.”

“Will we? Because I swear I’m dddddyyyinnngggg!” Dan flopped down on the bed, pretending to faint, and they both fall into a fit of giggles.

“Noooo Danny! Don’t go into the light!”

“It’s too late… I can—see God… she’s coming for me…”

“Dannnnnnn! Nooo!” Phil put his hand over his heart and sobbed dramatically.

“God is Ribena Phil, but you didn’t hear that from me.”

They both burst into uncontrollable laughter at this, tears streaming down Dan’s face, struggling to catch their breath.

“Oh my god, Dan!”

“Oh my—Oh my Ribena, you mean!—”

They both gasped for air, Dan’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

“Of course, how dare I!?”

Once the laughter had settled down and they were both softly smiling again, Dan sighed.

“I still wish you weren’t so far. I want to be with you.”

Phil smirked, “Don’t you mean 'I wonder how biology can explain the physical pain you feel in your chest when all you want to do is be with someone’?”

“Shut up! Why do you even remember that?” Dan blushed and hid his face in a pillow.

Old feelings, old love. ———- ❝ in your kiss, I felt at peace ❞ ———- [09] ———- Butterflies.

Dan looks at Phil, Phil looks at Dan.

Dan tilts his head to the side.

His head is beating fast, but his heart is beating faster.

Phil is beautiful.

Now or never.

Butterflies.

Two lips, just two lips.

Soft. Phil’s lips are very soft. And sweet like honey.

Butterflies and honey.

A winning combination for your butterflies to get all sticky and trapped, and for you to feel brave.

Honey is sweet, like Phil’s lips.

Phil’s lips are better than honey.

This isn’t Dan’s first kiss, but it might as well be. This feels more important.

Honey.

Butterflies.

Honey is sweet.

Phil’s lips are sweeter.

“Thank you.” ———-

#submission

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survivor-rotuma · 5 years

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Ep. 6: “That's the plan. Hope it works. Hope I survive.” - Boris

Cassie

I had a feeling our tribal would be an easy vote for Charlie and then had a feeling that Sumi would vote Bradley out since he hadn't done much in the challenge for them.

But now it's merge time so let's do this baby!

Flint

I made the merge! I’m so excited to play out this next part of the game. I’ve grown close to Cassie and Felix but I’m not sure where everyone stands in our alliance now that it’s an individual game now.

Felix

The time has come for my social game to produce the fruits of its labor. I have planted seeds and I will harvest. Right now, I need to focus on becoming social with every member on this tribe to avoid me becoming the easy merge boot. With this idol and eraser, I can become a huge help to my alliances and other allies. I have already aligned myself with Marie and Lysandre in the new and improved Drama Bitches alliance chat. I'm working on Zest, Apollo, and Boris right now, but I don't trust any of them for a second. I'm fine with the numbers I have, but we'll see how all of this goes. Boris wants to see messy gameplay. He'll be a threat later in this game for sure. Cassie is telling me that Marie is looking to make a big move with this first tribal council. I wouldn't mind. Especially if it's someone from Sumi leaving. Especially if it's Apollo or Boris. Apollo and Zest still seem to be tight with me but that could be a ruse. I'm just hoping my social game holds out. So much is happening that I just cannot keep up writing these confessionals. Cassie told me that Marie might want to throw my name out as a "big move" for the early merge. Jokes on Marie that I have an idol. So if I even get a whiff of my name in the air, I'm going to use it on myself point blank.

Miss Marie is getting real bold for having no true allies. Sucks to be her. If she had just calmed down and genuinely aligned with me, I wouldn't have to do this to her. Sadly, it seems like she is getting a big head for no reason.

Lysandre is spilling that he doesn't want to pull of a big move with Marie. He believes it is unnecessary to put a target on your back so early into merge. Plus, we haven't even finished the immunity challenge yet. He's very hesitant about going along with Marie. I hope he is willing to turn on her eventually

Lysandre

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Me and Marie WON!!! Mea WINS and we get to avoid fire making!!! Also Marie was right! The losing TWO tribes went to tribal. SO WE DID THAT by getting first place. Our tribemates had to die for MYSANDRE to rise. Now that we won I can't help but hope that Boris survives. He needs to up his social game or else he's in trouble. Apparently his social game is ok at best because Apollo didnt tell him what his advantage was and yet Boris claims they are close so what is the truth. Meanwhile me and Marie are discussing the game and our potential future at a merge and a strategy that may work for us. Lets go Mysandre and Lysoris!! Felix

All these people with their big moves! First Marie, and now Boris too! I'm so Tired. I just wanted a peaceful first merge round, but instead I have to deal with these crazies running around. Hopefully, the people with common sense are going to vote these two out!

Zest

I am very nervous about the merge! I know a lot of people have played this before and I have not... so that makes me worry about some of the dynamics.

Lysandre

SO I MADE MERGE AHHHHHHHHH!! I'm so happy to be reunited with Boris and Apollo. I plan on making them two of my closest allies if they allow me to. So Felix immediately begins to revive all of the alliances that he was in and I refuse to be one of his numbers. I talked to Boris again and told him some new tea about Felix and how he's the ideal target but he (Boris) is being targeted by Taui for being a social threat apparently. I also am frustrated with Apollo and how he isn't telling Boris what he got in the Auction and yet they are aligned. It just doesnt add up one bit. I mean I trust Boris when he says he doesnt know but Apollo not telling him is super sketchy. Marie is proving herself to be a real liability as of now. She keeps making game mistakes by telling Cassie, one of Felix's allies, that she wants to vote for him. cassie told Felix 100% and Felix back tracked and talked to us. I recovered the situation and moved the target on Marie instead of myself by suggesting big moves are Marie's idea. That then became some more scrambling that was annoying. I started talking more with Zest, Apollo, and Briana to try and form some kind of relationship with them and maybe an alliance plus Boris. Who knows if that will work or not. The challenge is really cute!!! I'm loving it even though its giving me a grand headache. I'm being super specific right now in my searches and even going by species and often forgotten geographical locations like the middle east and etc for inspirations. I think that I have this one in the bag but I do not want to become overzealous. Fingers

Lysandre

So the latest developments are the SuMea alliance that is in the works of being formed as well as an alliance within that of Me, Boris, and Apollo. I feel like I'm forgetting to confess something but eh it will be ok. Oh wait I wanted to talk about my future post merge. I really want to go on an immunity streak if possible and then if I lose one I would just play my idol or double vote.

Apollo

What the fuck is indeed going around on the island? A lot of fuckery is going on around the island. Apparently my idea to get Brianna out didn't turn out. Bradley was so inactive, it was hard to not vote him out. Whatever. Now i'm stuck with her, so i guess i better make sure she feels like we're closer than ever. Antyways, the leaders alliance turns into the supremes and then turns into a pile of sh*t because Cassie wants to run back to Felix with everything Marie is saying, plus she has a hard-on for voting out Borris. GURL BYE! YOU JUST MADE YOURSELF ON MY HIT LIST. I still want Felix out, but girl maybe its you who needs to be blindsided. *insert Tasha's "we got a rat" gif here* https://i.redd.it/z3726rlp64ax.gif I am thankful for that since it resulted in Marie and I gaining a bond and SuMea forming. So now Borris and I have trio chats with: zest, brianna, and lysandre. Lysandre has really come through, i enjoy him a lot, and I plan to work with him for a while, but I cannot go to f3 with him, he's got to go sooner than later. Ideal boot list?

10-cassie/felix 9-felix/cassie 8-brianna 7-lysandre 6- joey 5- flint 4- Borris 3- Marie marie

I expected better from cassie wow Felix

I am getting back into this idol hunt game. I'm kind of scared of each result, but it can't be any worse then how it is. I mean I do already have an idol, but if I got another one then it'd be fantastic! I just did the termites outcome, so we'll see if I get an advantage. I think termites are edible and healthy so hopefully it works out in the end. The worst (in my mind) that can happen is a 10% disadvantage which would lead to just an overall -5% which, for this challenge, is only about 1 or 2 points off. So I should still be good for the challenge. I chatted with Apollo last night and we joked about the idol for a bit. I hope that I am bonding well with him. I need numbers to oppose Marie, and if I can avoid using my idol then it'd be greatly appreciated. Right now, I am hoping to see Boris leave in the next tribal council. Or perhaps even Brianna since I never talk to her and she has yet to message me. Otherwise, I'd have everyone in this tribe on lock down socially. Let's hope they do not think strategically to get me out in the future though! While I was in the shower, I thought of a way to use the idol in a fun way if I don't use it next tribal council. I could use it to force a tie next round with my eraser that works in my favor. I erase someone's vote next round which leaves a 4-4 if the votes were initially 5-4. If my side of the votes won immunity and I played my idol incorrectly though still on my side, that'd leave only 1 person eligible for rocks on my side and 4 on the other side. It'd be fantastic to use if I happened to find myself in the minority next round for whatever reason. But those are a lot of "if" scenarios so it'll probably not happen.

Brianna

Welcome to Brianna put together a shitty list for the challenge cuz she did it 30 minutes before it was due. Bcuz I got ice cream. Do I regret it....no. I love ice cream

FelixIt sucks that I didn't win immunity. But if I hear even a word of my name in the air, I'll play idol. It is better to be safe than sorry. And I'm coming after Marie specifically with this.

I've decided that Brianna would be an easy vote off if people are willing to make a simple move this early into merge. Though, according to my sources, people are looking to make big moves so I have no fear of being vocal since apparently I am this "big move" that people are seeking. We'll see if things go the way I plan. If I don't hear my name and don't get the vibe, then Brianna will be the target. Otherwise, I'll be targeting the people that have specifically targeted me, like Marie and anyone else who says my name. I'm so hyped for this tribal council! Those people won't know what hit them!

Flint

This first merge vote has me nervous af. If all goes well we will stay Tuai strong for a four vote block, however Cassie and Joey have been a little more quiet post merge so their loyalties could lie elsewhere. Maybe after this vote it will bf time for me to break free from Tuai bonds.

Felix

Thankfully these people are not dumb. It seems no one wants to go along with Marie's plan to vote either Boris or I. Apollo has told Boris all about Marie and Cassie targeting me and Boris respectively. What he doesn't know is that Cassie is only throwing out Boris' name to appease Marie such that I do not become the target. Boris admitted to knowing those details to me willingly. And, since Apollo told him, he must not be too apt to vote either of us out any time soon. Lysandre admitted to me earlier that my name was going around in One World, and that they have my back all the way. Divulging this information means that Lys will not vote for me either. It seems the Brianna vote is going to happen no matter what now. I've pushed for it, and I think it'll definitely go through

Lysandre

Ok so I won immunity which is absolutely fantastic but I cant help but think it paints a bigger target on my back. Whatever though I still have my idol and extra vote.

Marie is proving herself to be a bug liability lol. She is almost confrontational and she basically disclosed a plan to be a flip vote. She did so Publicly lmaooo so like rip??

Lysandre

So people originally want to do Felix which is ok but the way Cassie answered her question seemed to paint me as a threat and someone to take out. She has also suggested Boris's name which is rough and she has also ran back and told Felix that Marie mentioned his name. Im on her hit list but she's on mine. Keeping Felix in as a shield will help me because in case I lose immunity he will be a bigger target.

Felix

I am at the point now where if I am being played, then I am being played. I'm almost certain Brianna is leaving this tribal, but you never know. I'll die with this idol in my pocket and no one can tell me otherwise.

marie

people are acting like apollo and lys are doing everything and suggesting all the big moves, no bitch its a bourbon triumvirate k??? like it's taking all of my self control to not go "hi yeah its my idea too-" but the last thing i need is a target on my back, i feel like felix might want me out cause i threw his name out but haha bitch we're not even voting you the vote is cassie. and if i end up being the merge boot i will cry. rant over

Brianna

Okay. Update time. Sumi and mea made an alliance together giving us a majority of 6-4. So that’s cool. The targets went down like this. The other side is targeting me and our side wanted to target Felix but Felix found out so in case of an idol play we are going for Cassie. Honestly I was a little upset about it because I wanted to hopefully work with Cassie in the future but then I heard I was being targeted and I just had to go with it. Honestly. I kind of really wanted Felix out. Oh well. Guess I’ll just have to wait. If I make it through this vote and don’t get blindsided haha.

Cassie

I know I flubbed a bit on the challenge and I guess some of the sites I used for research weren't good enough, but oh well. Personally I do not believe I'm on the bottom, but more along the middle. I don't believe others are deciding my fate for me, but if the tribal doesn't go the way I expect it to then I'll be mad, sad, and then I'll just sigh.

Boris

we MERGED. I MADE IT. WITH LYSANDRE. AND APOLLO AND ZEST. So much has happened. I made an immediate alliance chat with Lysandre as an AOC F2. We have a separate alliance with Apollo. I have 3 person alliances with every combination of people originally on Sumi. AND we have a mega alliance with Sumi and Mea. I have alliances upon alliance

Boris

woops I submitted that last one too early. ALLIANCES UPON ALLIANCES to keep me safe and keep me grounded. We all seem to be really good players so I'm so excited!! We can easily slay this merge.

Boris

This first merge vote is also EXTREMELY messy?? I've heard four names going around, those of which being Felix, Brianna, Cassie, and MINE. WHAT. Felix was an obvious choice going into merge, ask anyone and they'll tell you the same, but Cassie thought it was a real cute idea to suggest that I was a better option??? Why?? whomst knows! But yeah I'm scared as HECK because apparently I'm getting votes tonight. All of my allies wanna keep me safe, and Apollo and Lysandre came up with the idea to vote out Cassie because she's putting my name out, and in the process make it seem like Felix is actually our plan, so we can flush any votes that he has. So YEAH! That's the plan. Hope it works. Hope I survive. If Cassie idols herself I'm gonna idol myself. Bye bye. Xoxo

Lysandre

So I hope Boris lives but this can be a pretty crazy round if Bri flips or advantages are played!

joey g

We made it to merge! Surviving that last tribal council was honestly due to the straight male privilege i exude. I feel like I’m hanging on by a thread and dont really know whats going on, but hopefully people view me as a goat so i can wake up down the line and nobody will see it coming.

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crystalqualia · 6 years

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Annnnnd as expected, even tho I had that long conversation with my mom, she doesnt really stick to her guns. I know maybe I should say something more, and it's been a bit since the talk but I would think maybe she'd evaluate what she says a little more closely. Your promises dont mean anything if you can't try and keep them.

#i was talking to her abt work and i mentioned i ahte mornings and she does her whole 'welcome to the real world' speil #and first off real world like??? am i not living in it?? i been working and paying rent and bills and it aint meant nothing??#and i said yeah well bcuz of my adhd it fucks up my circadian rhythm #and that i was always a night owl and she just said she was like that too i just have to get a schedule #and i was like ok but that doesnt change my physiology? my melatonin release is set back past whats 'normal'#no schedule will fix that?? and she just was all eye rolly and 'ugh whatever' abt it #like im sorry but i think i know my own body p well ive been in here for about 23 years now #why would i make that shit up??? like do you think i enjoy being tired for half my shift when i open??#im not a kid i dont make shit up for attention? and besides that if someone has kids/school no one questions why they need a certain shift #maybe making sure im well rested and feeling good as much as possible is my perfectly valid reasoning?#like fuck i know im at the lowest bar of experiencing neurotypical ppl being dicks but ffs not everyone works like you do #we're all individuals and my body and its needs are fundamentally different why is it so important to you i be 'normal'?#as long as im happy and healthy and working and living a good life who fucking cares if that means i only do night shifts???

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excessthoughts · 4 years

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Static

16DEC20

Have you seen a TV with no cable cord attached, or a radio not tuned to any channel; that sound you hear is called white noise and the display of the TV in that moment is called snow. Both are the visual and acoustic representation of nothingness. That is what my brain is producing or processing right now, or how its responding to my current environment.

Dad had a little fall while coming out of the loo, he's ok, he grabbed on the coat hanger thingy for balance and it broke. He fell on his hip, mom called me immediately, we picked him up and sat him on the bed. He's ok, atleast he says so, no pain or anything, no visible bruises, he's ok I guess. I love my parents, no doubt in it, but.....now that is a post for a other day.

I can't stop thinking about her, literally, I'm not obsessed, I'm in love, whats the difference? Well, obsession is an unhealthy attachment towards something or someone. Usually how that works is that, whenever you attain that thing or person, a normal person would come back to normal and the obsession that was generated by a want or desire is fulfilled. In short like we say in urdu, "ghar ki murghi daal braber". In terms of a thing, like cigarette or a drug, frequent usage leads to addiction which is bad. But what if we apply that to a person? I'm an idiot, not a psychologist, I speak from my experience and the environment that I grew in. Personally, I got addicted to one person in my life, remember that, yup the first time you lost your appetite. That situation was different though, first of all I was like what 22 23, coming from all boys college, and you found a person, no she found you, she gave her number, she was a semester senior, and I didn't in my wildest dreams thought I had a chance with her. But she made it happen, I was ecstatic, those constant texts, compliments, spending time with each other in uni. The smell of her hair, the way she laughed, the way she stood by and with me in front of everyone with absolutely no shame or embarrassment blah blah blah.......for exactly, I dunno exactly but approximately 4 months? 🤣🤣 yeah, I can't believe I kept a fucking blade in my pocket for a week thinking to "end my miserable existence". Bullshit!

The point isssss i wasn't addicted to HER, I was addicted to the concept of her, of a partner, of someone who would unequivocally stand by my side and have your back. I found that in my friends, y'all know who are.

Anyways got, called for dinner, literally one text from her just calms me the fuck down. God what a woman. Literally I don't want to write anymore 🤣

But I also do, I know this blog is not suppose to chronicle my time with her but here goes 🤪

13Dec20

She agrees to go out with me again, I rushed! I was in bed all day wondering if I would see her again, and I did. Had several things to do but I had to meet her as well, thank God for wonderful khalaaad, he had my back, he returned the speakers and got samosas and rolls from wapda 🤣 i really wanted to give her something again, a rose ofcourse and some chocolates, God that smile, when I gave her the goody bag in the end. Ok ok I'm getting ahead of myself. So khalad told me to go to the phase 5 jalasons instead of valencia, that saved me a ton of time, again amazing khalad.

So I had planned that I will take her somewhere a bit quite where we could talk comfortably, last time that ABCD dude next to us was really loud. So I took her to Mocca in valencia, because its roof top is pretty neat. And yes it was cold, and I didn't put a hat on but it was worth every second. God I couldn't stop looking at her, the light from the side, I saw her eyes properly, they were brown and her pupils were dilated which is actually a good sign, and they were so pretty. She has the kindest eyes, they do have a bit of sadness in them, they are kinda like mine, I dunno, God knows what's her story, its crazy how we haven't talked about each other like our pasts and stuff. It baffles me that she doesn't ask any questions about me, and that kinda scares me of asking her direct questions as well.

I feel like she has pretty high walls built up and she's not sure if she should let me in or not. Or maybe she's just, meh, whatever, not really interested in whatever this is, and doesn't really care or she's just waiting for that admission in Germany, and doesn't want me to get hurt. She has to understand that its tooooo late for that, I would've been devastated the same if I hadn't met her after the wedding.

Anyways, so we talked and talked, well she did i just listened to her, and just looked at her 😍😍 this time all we did was talk about work, I honestly can't remember what else we talked about or what I talked about 😅. Well whatever we did it was fun, I felt she was more comfortable this time, and the best part was she said she had to get back by 8 30 but she didn't, only once she looked at the time, and then at the end I had to tell her that its past 9 and then she said let's go. And also i loooved driving with her, I need to get that stupid window fixed i could barely hear her.

So we come back to where her car was parked and as she exited my car I told her to wait im coming and she said I can go my own, but I had to give her the goody bag. So I opened the first passenger door, I placed it on the seat, and she was like noooooo, and for a moment my heart stopped, and I asked is there an issue taking it home she said she has had too many chocolates, and I was like then ration em, my brain just went floopy and I was saying words that I didn't know I was saying. But in texts she said she can survive the roses because I told her she will have to get used to them.

But then I gathered up some courage, and asked her something that had been bothering me, that if she thought if I was depressive and sad person, she said no, which was a huge relief, bcuz I'm not! AND THEN I told her which I wanted to say for quite sometime, that I'm not infatuated by the time we spent together, the first thing I asked bari after the first dance practice was umama ka kya scene hai, and that I'm not fooling around. Btw bari idiot first reply was amna single hai, I was like what, nigga shut up. Anyways, she just kinda laughed and smiled. God that smile! Her smile is like a fucking window to heaven, it melts you in such a weird way, it brightens up the room, it makes me happy, it has that everything is going to be alright feel to it.

I want to say that to her, how I feel, how she makes me feel, she completes me, she is the missing piece, she is perfect, and I want to spend my life and hereafter with her.

But....there is a chance this may not happen,

now that is a thought that keeps me awake at night,

and makes me loose my appetite.

I don't want to go through that again,

That endless pit of agonising pain.

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