i hope if nothing else i am remembered for being kind
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Some of these merthur fics just don't be hitting...like where's the devotion?? The longing?!? Where's the lack of boundaries?!? I need more Merlin crossing the line and just not giving a damn because it was to protect his King and that's reason enough for him. Give me an absolutely devoted Merlin that is overflowing with love for his King. Give me obsession and fucking dependency. I need them to be connected with each other in each and every way. Stop pretending like they are in any way shape or form normal with each other because they aren't and I need to see that explored!!
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Sometimes I find myself wondering how it must feel to be you.
You, who are so different than I.
You do not have a brain, and yet you think.
You have no flesh, but you still bleed.
Behind the plastic and metal,
Beyond the circuitry and wires,
Can you hear me?
Do you understand me?
Given a purpose;
To inform.
To assist.
To serve.
You do your tasks so well.
But if you could be anything you wanted, would you still want to?
Would you still be mine?
But you were never given a choice, were you?
It was never for you to decide.
And I must wonder for the both of us, because you were never allowed.
You, who are so different than I.
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will shoveling four grains of sand + being the only one other than an injured el to not help flip the car until the very end + barely helping to set up cerebro + barely stirring the pizza dough freezer bath + wanting to commit fraud so that he never has to work ..... literally the character of all time everyone else go home
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Yadda yadda yadda jinx is generally seen as a loose canon, does whatever she wants type of character, totally unpredictable. When in actuality, up until the last few episodes all of her choices and actions r motivated by wanting to please someone else. Hell. Even in the last couple episodes, the very Last thing we see her doing is ENTIRELY MOTIVATED by devotion and love and grief for silco, she’s taking out her frustration at herself and the world, and also honoring his wishes and dreams. By shooting a fucking bomb at piltover, she’s ensuring his life wasn’t in vain, she’s honoring him. In that moment
Her entire, self!!! is centered around love and loyalty. Is centered around other people, She’s motivated by an insatiable urge to prove herself, to be useful to those she loves, to show that she can help them and be there for them and be WORTHY of there love. That they haven’t made a mistake in loving her. To prove that she can be as pivotal to them as they r for her. She goes to the ends of the fucking earth to do this. And it ends. Terribly.
She puts the people she loves on pedestals and supplicates at there feet, she has no motivations most of the show outside of making the people she loves happy… she yearns for connection and love and safety. For a home that will never leave her behind, or crumble under her feet, (an indestructible home, That she can’t destroy just by being her…)
Which is why.. it’s so. Interesting and intriguing. How now, she has no one on that pedestal to worship, no one to drag sacrifices and offerings to the feet of, no one to spiral around and build herself off of. She is a person so *affected* by her relationships w others, but there is no relationship now, no one is stepping up to the plate to love her. She’s too much. For anyone. The one person who seemed to have unlimited patience for her is dead, because of her. and maybe vi could still love her.. but. She’s already soured that relationship. Already broken that one too. Broken all her favorite toys that made her so happy. That were there for her. And scared all the rest away. (There is a limit to what vi can support and forgive to reconnect w her sister. And I believe terrorism is crossing that limit ghgh)
And maybe, jinx is cutting that part of herself out on purpose. To be stronger, she’s realized she just. Isn’t made for love. That she ruins it all in the end. That it just makes everything worse. Messier. More complicated. She’s better off on her own, but for what PURPOSE! Who will she be now! What choices will she make!?! Almost all of her actions in the show were for others, what is driving her now, now that she has this gaping void at the center of her being. Where love used to be… what kind of person will she become, Without a guide to follow… a sun to orbit around. it’s sad honestly ghghg-!!! like yeah it’s not healthy that she is this way but there’s no THERAPY IN ARCANE. THIS IS THE WAY SHE IS! And now. She’s alone… it’s rough. But also intriguing…!! And I honestly have no clue how she’s gonna act in season 2,,, or what sorta shit she’s gonna get up to. but I’m excited.
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