#ok ive stayed up long enough ive GOT to go to bed scheduled this for later

[axellis-archv-2]

myhands are sweaty ok heres my tav saint halliday the paladin ive opted to call him paladay .

[beegoould]

I want to share how my mom died. I’ll hide it below.

If we’ve been mutuals for awhile you probably know that my mom was a jerk and a narcissist, so our relationship was complicated and I didn’t speak to her for several years. Over the last few years she drove away the rest of our family - my brothers, their kids, aunts and uncles and cousins - which makes the whole thing even sadder.

One day she told my dad she wanted to go to an estate sale. Dad said he thought it was a bad idea because she had balance issues and her asked her a few times to stay away. She insisted, and immediately fell while climbing the porch steps and hurt her knee. Dad took her to the doctor to get it looked at and everything was ok.

A week or two later her knee was painful and swelling. She went to the family doctor and he said it was arthritis and injected cortisone into the area. A week later her knee was even more swollen, red and warm to the touch. They went to the family doctor and he gave her another cortisone injection. It’s arthritis, it’s going to hurt, he said.

The next day she couldn’t get up and dad found out that he couldn’t lift her anymore. They called an ambulance and went to the ER. The doctors determined she had an infection and removed a CUP of puss from the area. Turns out cortisone can hinder healing and recovery from infections, and sometimes even cause them. Who knew. Thought maybe a doctor would but oh well.

She was admitted into the hospital and had surgery to remove the rest of the puss and remove dead and infected tissue. It was pretty awful and she was in a lot of pain. The infection had spread to her blood so she was getting iv antibiotics. She immediately alienated herself from the people providing her care by complaining about everything, including them, all the time. She insisted that they change rules and regulations for her. My sister in law talked the her nurse who was trying to explain some of the treatment issues they were running into without saying anything negative about mom. SIL reassured her by stopping her and saying, “I’m really sorry.” and that was enough.

Mom moved to a rehab center, the worst one in town because that was all that was available. She refused physical therapy for a long time but eventually gave in. She was still on antibiotics for her infection. While she was at the rehab center she caught pneumonia, and she was admitted into the hospital again.

By this time she was done doing what the doctors said, and the next day she went home with a chest full of phlegm and a wound that needed care but with no scheduled nurse visits or physical therapy appointments. The hospital gave them oxygen and a loaner wheelchair. The oxygen tank ended up being empty.

They got a portable toilet and put it next to the bed so she wouldn’t have to go all the way to the bathroom. That night, my dad told her to wake him up when she needed to use it and made her promise to turn on the light if she went anywhere. She got up in the middle of the night and tried using the toilet without dad’s help as well as in the dark and fell.

The next day they got a full oxygen tank and all seemed well. Dad went on a quick errand that ended up not being necessary. The bank called and said they needed some information and asked for dad to call them. She told him they needed him to go to the bank in person. This happens often because mom didn’t listen when people spoke. She filled in the gaps in her memory of the conversation with whatever her mind came up with.

Dad went to the bank, found out he didn’t need to be there, came home and found her dead. He called 911 and did cpr. An ambulance took them to the hospital. A doctor worked on her a few minutes, but she was gone.

There’s so much about this that fills me with rage. The family doctor ignored her pain and symptoms and his treatments probably made the infection worse. His dismissal meant that she didn’t get treatment for the infection until it spread into her blood. The hospital sent her home with an empty oxygen tank. When I think about how much pain she was in and how scared she must have been, I can’t breathe. But at the same time I’m angry at her. She made so many selfish decisions, and if that sounds crazy maybe it is, sometimes I feel like I am. She fought at every step of treatment and went home against medical advice and hurt herself doing the one thing my dad asked her not to do. And all of these things contributed to dad finding her dead in their bed. Can you even imagine? And my brother telling everyone “We’re going to tell dad that she knew she was going to die so she wanted to come home.” So we could all get our story straight.

I’m probably a huge asshole. I’m probably a giant pile of shit for being mad at her. And her being gone makes me question everything all over again. Was she really that bad? Was I just too sensitive?

Anyway. That’s my story. If you read it, I’m sorry.

[girlinlotsoffandoms]

she's her daddy's girl, her momma's world - chapter 35

make it go away (part two)

Maya’s still sick, her parents are still worried, and their fire fam is the best.

Read on AO3 or below

Twenty-four hours later and things with Maya had gone from bad to worse, just like Dr. Michaels had warned. Maya was still struggling with her breathing and had been bumped from 3Ls of oxygen up to 5Ls. After a few failed feeding attempts, where Maya’s oxygen stats dropped way too low, the baby had a feeding tube placed and Stella made the switch to pumping. It wasn’t a pleasurable experience for either of them.

Maya’s fever broke a few hours after they arrived at the hospital, which was the only thing going in their favor thus far.

Maya was uncomfortable and fussy with the IV in her arm and the oxygen cannula and feeding tube taped on her face. Despite only being two months old, Maya knew she was in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar things, and she did not like it. The only way she’d sleep or calm was in her parents’ arms, meaning Kelly and Stella were as exhausted as Maya was.

They took turns; one would hold Maya so she could rest and sleep while the other would be free to walk around and stretch their legs, grab some coffee or something to eat, and go to the bathroom. Neither Kelly nor Stella ventured too far away from Maya’s room though, not after the infant had knocked one of her monitors off, causing an alarm to sound. Everything was fine but the incident terrified Kelly and Stella enough to not want to be too far away from Maya.

Natalie, April, and the rest of their friends from Med popped up to the PICU to check on the Severides. Maya perked up at the newcomers and the attention they gave her and Kelly and Stella appreciated the coffee and snacks they brought with them. April even stayed after her shift ended and sat with Maya so Kelly and Stella could go down to the hospital cafeteria and get some semi-decent food. They weren’t gone for long, despite April telling them to take their time.

Sleep was a foreign concept that night. Kelly and Stella took turns, alternating between sitting with Maya in the chair by her bed and sleeping on the pull-out couch, but between their worry, the uncomfortable furniture, nurses coming in and out at all hours, and Stella’s pumping schedule no one got any decent rest.

When Maya’s oxygen got bumped up, any hope of sleep was dashed.

Casey, Brett, Boden, and a few others from 51 checked in every few hours. Kelly and Stella gave them updates and even sent a picture or two. If the texts weren’t enough indication as to how badly Kelly and Stella were struggling with Maya being sick, their faces (and the bags under their eyes) when they answered one of Brett’s FaceTime calls left no doubt.

As Maya’s godmother and Stella’s best friend, Brett hated seeing the people she loved sick and struggling. She wanted to help them in any way she could, so she hatched a plan. Casey, Violet, and the rest of second shift were roped in throughout the day but no one complained; they all cared for and were worried about Maya and her parents. Everyone had their assignments and by the time their shift was over, they all went their separate ways with a plan to meet at the hospital in an hour.

                                                     … … …

Maya had just received her morning feeding and made her way back into Kelly’s arms when there was a knock on the door. Kelly and Stella looked up and there in the doorway were their friends and teammates, armed with bags and what looked like the entire gift shop.

“Hey,” Stella said, rising from her chair. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We just wanted to stop by, make sure you all were doing OK,” Boden announced as the members of 51 started to cram into the hospital room. While they had all showered and changed clothes since their shift ended, they all wanted to keep a safe distance from the sick baby.

“I didn’t know what all you guys had here, so Matt and I stopped by the loft and grabbed some stuff,” Brett shared, placing the duffle bag she was carrying next to the pull-out couch. “And Cruz and Chloe grabbed some decent breakfast and coffee for you.”

Sure enough, Cruz and Chloe made it into the room, to-go containers and coffee cups in their hands. They sat everything down on the roll-away table in the corner.

Tears welled in Stella’s eyes. “Thank you guys so much.”

“Of course,” Brett cooed, wrapping an arm around Stella’s shoulders and giving her a comforting hug.

A small raspy cough directed everyone’s attention to the infant in Kelly’s arms. He rubbed her back and adjusted his hold on her as she continued to cough. When Maya was finished coughing, she let out a tired, wheezing sigh and blinked her weary eyes.

It was an equally sad and adorable sight.

“How’s she doing?” Casey asked, moving to Kelly’s side.

“She’s hanging in there,” Kelly said, smiling slightly as Maya snuggled closer at the sound of his voice. “She’s been fever free for almost 24 hours and the extra oxygen is helping.”

“They scheduled her for another chest x-ray later this morning,” Stella chimed in. “If her lungs are looking better, Dr. Michaels said they might try and lower her oxygen.”

“Any idea how long they’re going to keep Maya here?” Chloe asked, joining Brett at Stella’s side.

“At least a few more days,” Stella answered. “They need to get her completely off oxygen and make sure she can maintain her levels without help.”

A few more questions were asked, but everyone’s attention was soon diverted to Capp and Gallo who, rather unceremoniously, dropped their armfuls of gifts in the corner of the room. There were stuffed animals, balloons, a blanket, candy, and flowers…..way more than anyone needed, let alone a two-month-old.

Kelly raised an eyebrow. “Did you two leave anything in the gift shop for anyone else?”

“They would’ve bought more,” Tony started, an amused but annoyed smirk on his face. “But the manager kicked them out for causing a disturbance.”

“It was his fault!” Capp and Gallo said at the same time, pointing at each other.

That started an argument between the two. Although it brought some levity to the situation, Stella stepped in before things got too heated. “Guys, we appreciate the thought and the love but Maya’s two months old. I don’t think she needs any of this stuff.”

Capp and Gallo looked around at everything they’d bought. Sheepish smiles stretched across their faces, almost as if they just realized how overboard they’d gone.

Gallo shrugged. “Eh. Keep what you guys need and what you think Maya would like and donate the rest to the other kids and families on the floor.”

Stella and a few others huffed out a laugh before returning to their conversations. 

Everyone stayed around for a little while longer until it was clear Maya was losing steam. They all said their goodbyes, leaving the baby and her parents to get some much-needed rest. 

Brett and Casey were the last to leave, promising to swing by again later in the day. It was clear that Kelly and Stella were tired and frazzled and Brett and Casey hoped they’d be able to help. Their friends needed a break outside the four walls of Maya’s hospital room.

They weren’t expecting Kelly and Stella to spend the night at home, but they hoped they could at least get the anxious parents out of the hospital long enough to shower and eat actual food.

It wasn’t an easy task by any means, but Brett and Casey managed to convince them. They had arrived back at the hospital around dinnertime—Maya had just gotten a feeding, her stats were holding steady, and she was ready to sleep. It was a hard sell at first but after Maya showed she would happily sleep in Brett’s and Casey’s arms, Kelly and Stella finally agreed.

Despite the constant text updates and pictures sent, Stella and Kelly’s break only lasted a few hours. Brett and Casey hoped they would’ve been gone longer, but they had to admit the anxious parents looked a bit more refreshed.

                                             … … …

It was nearly 36 hours later when things changed again, this time for the better. An updated chest x-ray showed that Maya’s lungs had cleared, so the doctors started weaning her off the higher oxygen. They started slow, moving Maya down from 5Ls to 4Ls and monitoring her closely for several hours. When Maya passed all the tests with flying colors, she was moved down from 4Ls to three.

A few hours later and Maya was back down to 2Ls of oxygen and doing great.

Dr. Michaels kept Maya on 2Ls for a while, wanting to test and see if they could remove the feeding tube. They gave Maya a bottle first and Kelly, Stella, and Dr. Michaels had their attention glued to Maya’s oxygen stats—they held steady and strong. It was a big step in the right direction, but Dr. Michaels wasn’t ready to remove the tube yet. He wanted to see how Maya did with a few more feeds throughout the day.

Maya continued to excel with her feedings, both with the bottle and without, and by dinnertime that day, her feeding tube had been successfully removed.

As Maya got better, the spark returned to her eyes and she began smiling and giggling again. The stress and tension melted from Kelly and Stella and as Maya recovered, they allowed themselves to breathe again.

                                                … …  …

Four days after Maya was admitted to the hospital, she was being discharged. The doctors had no reservations about letting Maya go home. She was over the worst of the RSV and was back to her normal, happy self, but Kelly and Stella knew they’d be watching the two-month-old like a hawk for days and weeks to come.

The past four days had been the longest of Kelly’s and Stella’s lives and they were beyond ready to bring their little girl back home.

As they walked out of the hospital doors, Maya securely buckled into her car seat, memories from two months earlier flooded Kelly’s and Stella’s minds. Leaving the hospital with their newborn daughter and bringing her home for the first time had been one of the best moments of their lives and although this hospital homecoming was different from the last, it was no less special.

Maya was happy and healthy and their family was together. There was nothing more special than that.

[multistansimp4life]

We lost the summer ch.1

Kai and reader are childhood friends and they have this thing where they make a list of things to do for their summers during the school year. How will this summer end!

(Inspired by kissing booth 3)

“I wilL alwAys love yOu”

“Stop stop no more, please my ears” says the brunette laying on the bed with his ears covered. “Maybe you should put singing lessons on the list” he finishes laughing so hard tears are running down his face. 

“Well im sorry not everybody is as gifted at singing as you are” you replied rolling  your eyes. It was true his voice is one of the most clearest most angelic voices youve ever heard. But your singing was the exact opposite your voice always cracked and you couldnt hit a right not to save your life.  

“But how will we do that together” you asked

The list you were talking about is The summer To Do list. You guys made it when you were in third grade and kept the ‘tradition’ since. During the school year yall would fill the list up with a bunch of things you both wanted to do when summer came.

“I could still improve my singing so i can sign up to” kai responded now looking at his phone.

“But we would most definetly be seperated into different classes”

“Yea I guess your right that wouldnt work” he sighed. 

“I have an idea” you say excitedly “ ive always wanted to try acting class”

“That does sounds fun. Write it down.”

You grab the orange sharpie and wrote the number 1. Acting classes. The paper is like a long scroll and looks as ancient as one. You write down the year of the summer leave a space under it for when summer is over to name the summer. Then yall write down the list.

“Lets think of some more things another day.” Says kai yawning. I look over to the clock not noticing how much time has passed its now 11:37 and we both have school tommorow. 

“Ok ill head home goodnight kai “ i say while collecting my stuff to leave. 

“Bye y/n get home safe”

The walk home is like a routine. You live on the same street as kai and the amount of times youve walked to and from his house is to many to even try and count.

When you walk into the house you can hear your parents talking, well more like arguing but in a light voice. You just hope it stays that quiet and you can get some rest. Though its highly unlikely because their arguments always get loud and you barely can rest.

You walk into your room and flick on the lights. Your room was in pretty nice shape since you cleaned just a few days ago.

You go and flop on your bed and almost immediatly fall asleep. There was no need to change since you went to kais in your pajamas. 

“CRASH”. You were suddenly woke up by something fragile hitting the ground. You looked at the time and it was 12:06 you barely got 30 minutes of sleep. You dont know what you were expecting it happens almost every night for the past few months. 

Your parents have both been fighting with each other over every little thing and it was not healthy. You used to not be able to sleep at night because they were so loud but it started happening so often that you invested in some earbuds. 

It was pointless of you to go tell them to quiet down because then you would get yelled at by both of them. So eventually you stopped. 

You reached over in your nightstand and take them out and plug them, hoping you would get enough sleep to be ready for tommorow.

(a/n This is my first fanfic and if you like it pls comment. It helps motivate. Also dont know the update scheduling.)

[beauvibaby]

tough decisions — j.oleksiak

a/n: finally another pcos fic, this is based around my symptoms with it, hopefully it’s relatable to most of you!!

warnings: pcos, anxiety, surgery and mentions of covid

“Hey, babe, I should be there in ten.” Jamie answered cheerfully, assuming you were calling to see how far out he was. “I’m sorry, J.” You mumbled, hiding back a groan at the pain tightening in your lower stomach. “I just don’t feel good tonight, could we reschedule?” You asked, letting out a small wince as you leaned against the counter. “Of course, are you ok? You sound hurt.” The concern in his voice only made you feel worse, you managed to hum in response, “oh.” He mumbled into the phone, clearly picking up your message.

You two had been dating for a little over six months, and now that he thought of it, he couldn’t recall a single time when you were on your period and miserable like this. “Did you want me to come over? I can bring you dinner?” He offered, waiting hopefully for your response, “actually that would be great.” You sighed, wanting nothing more than to take a hot shower and hope the cramps got better once you ate. “I’ll unlock the door for you, I’m going to take a shower.” You told him, adding a soft goodbye and an I love you, he repeated the sentiment, a frown etched onto his face as he stopped to get dinner.

You had just slipped on some loose fitting clothes when you heard Jamie walk in the front door of your apartment, “Y/N?” He called out, smiling when you rounded the corner in a shirt of his that you had stolen “accidentally”. He held a bouquet of flowers in front of him along with a takeout bag from your favorite restaurant, “hi pretty girl.” He murmured when you pouted at him, “I love you.” You sighed, burying your face in his chest, “I love you too.” He chuckled lightly, kissing the top of your head. “Wanna eat something? It’ll make you feel better.” He offered, getting a huff in response, he took it as a yes and walked with you wrapped up in his arms to the table. “It hurts.” You explained with a hiss as you sat down in the chair, reaching for your food, he knew it took a lot for you to admit you were in pain, “is it always this bad?” He asked with furrowed brows, taking a bite of his food as you nibbled on yours, suddenly feeling nauseous and worried eating would make it worse. “When I get it, yeah.” You told him, going on to explain the issues you struggled with, the missed cycles, heavy cycles, cramps, all of it. If you could tell him you love him, you can tell him this.

He nodded as you spoke, absorbing the information you spit out, “m’sorry baby.” He sighed, not liking having to watch you like this. You shrugged, finally forcing some of your food down, some relief coming over you as you had something in your stomach. He didn’t push you any further as he saw the look in your eyes, the way you got quiet, he cleaned up the table, leaving you with your plate as you continued to take bites here and there. “I’m going to go change.” He kissed the top of your head before walking down the hall to your room where he knew he had a pair of sweatpants stashed away.

Well he was in there, he quickly googled what you had told him, pcos was on repeat in his mind so he wouldn’t forget it as he typed it into his phone, he read as much as he could, being sure not to be gone suspiciously long.

He got the gist of it, irregularities, heavier cramps, bleeding, mood swings, particularly sad ones.

Infertility. He pushed that one to the back of his mind, he wanted kids with you and while it was early to say that, he knew you two would figure it out when the time came.

When Jamie came out you were nearly half asleep at the kitchen table, your eyes were heavy and when you looked at him he could see the blankness in them. “You can go home, Jamie, I’m probably just going to go lay down.” You sighed, standing up and clearing your spot. “No, I wanna stay with you.” He answered instantly, giving you a soft smile as spun to face him. “Really?” You couldn’t help but grin, catching him off guard, “of course.” He rolled his eyes with a smile, out stretching his arms for you. “Good, sometimes I’m scared to be alone when it hurts so much.” You whispered up to him, pecking his lips when he leaned down to you. “You know you can call me whenever, even if I’m on a roadie. I’d call you back as soon as I saw it.” He explained to you as you pulled him along towards your bedroom, you nodded as a cramp started up.

“Come here.” He demanded gently, flopping down on the bed and pulling you with him, he adjusted you so you were laying on top of him. He lightly began massaging your lower back, feeling you relax into him. “That feels good.” You hummed, blindly running a hand through his hair, knowing he loved when you did that. He smiled, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“J?” You asked after a while, he’d stopped rubbing your back once you didn’t feel the pain anymore, “yeah?” He shifted slightly, careful not to move you too much. He turned his head to meet your eyes where you were resting on his shoulder. “I left out one thing about it.” You sighed, shuffling yourself to be sitting up more, your boyfriend nodded, although he already knew what you were going to say, he wanted to let you say it. He rested his hand in your lap for you to play with. “Go ahead baby.” He assured you, when you met his soft caring eyes you couldn’t help but get emotional. “It’s super common for pcos to cause infertility and I know we’re not there yet but you deserve to know now, and if–“ you stopped to breathe and the tears started flowing. He rushed to sit up with you, “there’s no ifs, I’m here for the long haul, ok?” He assured you, cupping your face to keep you looking at him. “I already knew that baby, I looked it up while you were eating.” He added, frowning when you cried harder. “You looked it up?” You sniffled, “that’s so sweet!” You groaned, hugging him tightly. He sighed into your hair, “I think you need some sleep.” He laughed, feeling you nod against him.

“Goodnight baby.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead as he laid down with you, relishing in the small smile on your lips as you finally felt at ease for the night.

***

Time had passed, and you both fell into a routine, eventually moving in together once you hit the one year mark. And that was already some time ago.

But over the last few months you both had noticed a change in your symptoms and decided to schedule an appointment with your doctor.

***

Jamie got out of his truck the second he got your text that said you were coming out, due to covid protocols put in place, he was unable to come in with you for your appointment, which made you even more on edge than you thought it would. You figured you’d done it plenty of times before, but knowing that he couldn’t come inside was terrifying.

He watched the doors of the medical center with concern as he rubbed the back of his neck, when he saw you walk out, eyes darting to find him as you shoved your mask into your purse, tears already pricking the corner of your eyes. He stepped forward, taking his weight off the side of his truck as you spotted him, “hey, hey, Y/N.” Jamie mumbled as you wrapped your arms around him in a shaky hug. He felt his heart clench as you cried into his shirt, “baby, talk to me.” He spoke gently, pushing you back enough to meet your eyes. “Surgery.” You squeaked out, you both knew it was a possible outcome, having done the watch and wait method for over a year. He listened intently as you recited nearly everything word for word that the doctor had said.

***

That was three months ago, a simple surgery that plenty of people have and it goes smoothly, turned into a three month process, between the pre op, and the scheduling, and the ultrasounds.

But now, now it was finally time for you to go in, and you were terrified and calm all at once. You weren’t scared for the anesthesia, or for the actual removal of the cysts, you were worried that something would go wrong and they’d have to remove your entire ovary, granted that would still leave you with one, but that didn’t make it any less disheartening.

The doctors had come and made their rounds, each one going over everything with you, over the statistics and the possible complications, only furthering your anxiety. When your gynecologist came in, dressed in her scrubs and ready to have you wheeled off to the operating room, she could see the way you were panicking and squeezing Jamie’s hand tightly. “I know she’s going to be put to sleep, but is there something she can have to take the edge off?” Jamie asked as you looked over with a pleading face. “Yes, of course.” She came over and rested a hand on your shoulder, “you’re going to do great.” She assured you, giving Jamie a reassuring smile as well. The second she left the room you burst into tears, “no baby.” He gave you a soft smile, pulling his mask down to kiss your forehead, “it’s going to be ok, no matter what happens. You’re so tough.” He wiped under your eyes, looking over as the anesthesiologist came in, along with a nurse, “I’m going to give you something to take the edge off, you should feel it pretty quickly alright?” He explained, waiting until you agreed to connect it to your IV.

Jamie watched as you took a couple of deep breaths before looking at him with a much calmer face, he held in a chuckle, “you feeling it baby?” He asked you, giving you one last hand squeeze, you nodded lazily. “Yeah.” You answered, already feeling sleepy, he couldn’t help but smile at how girlish it was making you act, “alright, I love you.” He reminded you with one more kiss to the forehead as they popped the brakes off the bed, “I love you.” You repeated as you stared up at the ceiling, he could tell you had a kind of blank face under your mask. He was just glad to see you not freaking out, as he felt the anxiety transfer to him as they rolled you away, leaving him in the empty room to wait for you.

It felt like an eternity to him, as he knew the surgery was only supposed to take thirty or so minutes, but he also knew they wouldn’t tell him anything until you were already waking up in recovery.

That was nearly three hours later, and he literally jumped to his feet when the doctor came in. She assured him everything went as good as she expected, it was just more difficult to get too, nothing went wrong and you were coming out any moment. He thanked her repeatedly as he felt his heart rate settle, after staring at a wall for so long, he turned to Google and that only worsened his anxiety on why it was taking so long.

When they finally brought you in, you still hadn’t seen the doctor because you had been so out of it, so you instantly looked at him with wide eyes, more awake now. “You did good, baby, don’t worry.” He assured you, standing beside the bed once they locked it in place, the nurse smiled as she charted everything on the computer beside you. “Are you Jamie?” She asked with a giggle, making your face heat up under your mask, “yes.” He answered, not tearing his eyes off you as he could see the puffiness in them from your breakdown earlier. He laced his hand with yours, rubbing it reassuringly as you sighed in relief. “She was asking for you before she could even keep her eyes open.” The nurse told him, earning a soft chuckle from his mouth. “Sounds like her.” He hummed in agreement, tuning into the nurses words as she started telling you what you needed to do before they would let you go, both of them surprised when you did them instantly, the doctor signing off on your release as you seemed more than fit to go home in the care of Jamie.

He was more than attentive to your every need, almost to the point where you got annoyed, but you knew he meant well so you let him do whatever he thought you needed.

You were extremely grateful to have him here with you, knowing that just because you’d gotten it fixed this one time, doesn’t mean it won’t come back. He didn’t let you think like that for long as he brought you back to the present with a gentle kiss to your temple as you leaned on his chest. “S’proud of you.” He mumbled, even though you didn’t do anything, he knew it took a lot for you to make the decision to do this. You didn’t have to answer as you curled further into him, a silent thank you for everything.

taglist: @boqvistsbabe @tortito @2manytabsopen @heybarzy @barzysreputation @yzas-stuff @iwantahockeyhimbo

[massivelycreepypineapple]

Kick Butt While Falling In Love

Pairing: Surgeon!Jensen Ackles x Fem!Reader

Summary: Y/N is Dr. Ackles’ patient. They meet during her chemo sessions and become close friends and eventually more.

Requested by a lovely anon (I hope you enjoy this and found the plot alright!): Can you write more doctor Jensen Ackles? I can't think of any plot but Jensen as doctor is very attractive!❤️🙈

Warning: Sick reader, slightly angsty. pretty much it I guess. 

A/N: I tried not to make any mistakes. I hope this is alright. If I made any please do let me know. I apologise for that in advance!

Word Count: 1925

Masterlist

❅ ❅ ❅

If anybody told Y/N a year ago that the hospital would practically be her second home, she’d have sent them packing with a swift kick up their butt. She hated hospitals with a steady passion and she hated doctors even more. The very thought of going to a doctor for something as small as the flu was repulsive to her. So you can imagine her horror when she was forced to go weekly for her chemotherapy sessions. But things didn’t end there. It would seem that life had a way of messing with Y/N. Not only was she forced to go to the dreaded location once a week, but she was slowly looking forward to it. And the cherry on top came in the form of a certain green eyed surgeon.

When Y/N first found out that she had a cancerous tumour growing in her, she was, like anyone else, in great shock and pain. She didn’t have anyone in her life. She became an orphan at the age of 16 and foster care didn’t last long. She began to fend for herself as soon as she hit 18. She wasn’t in one place long enough to make friends either. So the thought of cancer did freak her out. She spent years learning to love her life and she didn’t want to lose that. But as the weeks went by she got used to the idea that this was her reality. And things got better when she met the man in charge of her life. 

Dr. Jensen Ackles was a gem in the world of stones and that’s putting it lightly. Anyone who interacted with him loved him and those who didn’t, well, let’s just say that they sucked as human beings. He was the most beautiful and considerate man she had ever known. And as time went on, he became her best friend. She didn’t really know how that happened considering that she didn’t have any decent ones. She had colleagues who were cordial to her and that was it. She couldn’t for the life of her fathom what possessed him to become her friend. He was her doctor and the relationship should’ve ended at that. But yet here they were best friends and at the brink of something more.

Y/N remembered the first time Jensen was there for her in ways no one else had. She had just started chemotherapy and it was royally kicking her ass. She already had a minor heart condition so there were risks of heart attacks and the like due to chemo. The drugs given to her took a toll on her big time and she often found herself with her head in the toilet, leading her to lose so much weight as well as her appetite. One particular day Y/N was suffering worse than usual and her chest was aching. She remembered that Jensen had given his personal phone number in case she needed a friend. She was light headed and in pain and she decided to just take a leap of faith and call him. 

-Flashback-

“Hi Y/N, is everything okay?” His deep voice came through the phone, immediately calming her a bit. 

“J-Jensen I-“ She started breathing heavily. 

“Y/N!! Where are you?” He asked frantically.

“H-home.” She managed to get out. She sounded breathless and weak. 

“I’ll be there in 15.” He said and cut the call. 

True to words, 15mins later Jensen showed up. She struggled to get to the door but managed to open it, but only to fall into his arms. He quickly picked her up and took her to the ambulance waiting outside. Y/N chuckled lightly at that. “S-so dramatic.” She said.

“You scared me, sweetheart. You didn’t sound good and I was clearly right to be scared.” He said trying to stay calm as he put her on the gurney and letting the paramedics fix her to the IV tubes. He rode with her back to the hospital and got her into the emergency room. 

-Flashback End-

After everything had calmed down and her condition was brought under control, Jensen stayed beside her the entire time. He did everything to keep her fever down, brought her decent food that was easy on her stomach. He replaced the IV when the drugs were getting low. He even spent the night with her. Since then there was always something developing between them. They became close and Jensen from then on was her best friend and the love of her life (only he didn’t know it yet). He even took on an active role in making sure her chemotherapy went smoothly. He rearranged his schedule around hers. He spent time with her figuring out which medicine worked best, and stayed up with her the nights she spent in the hospital.

That’s where Y/N found herself once more. She had just finished her session for the day. Jensen was in surgery so he couldn’t keep her company like he usually did. So she got through it by listening to music and flipping through a magazine. Just as she was about to leave she got light headed and collapsed. 

The nurses rushed to her and put her on a gurney trying to help her. She could barely make out what they were saying. She was in and out of consciousness. 

“She’s going into a cardiac arrest. She needs surgery now!” Said one of the doctors.

“We need to page Dr. Ackles!”

“He’s in surgery!”

“Fuck! Let’s take her into the OR and get her prepped. If he isn’t there yet, we need someone else immediately.” 

That was the last thing she heard before everything turned black. 

__________

Y/N woke up to an insistent beeping noise. She felt something heavy on her hand and she couldn’t move. She slowly blinked her eyes and saw someone resting their head on her bed. Jensen was still in his scrubs and his hair sticking out. He looked exhausted. She gently nudged his hand that was holding hers and he jerked awake. 

“Y/N!” He whispered. He quickly got up to check her vitals and began fussing over her. He brought her a cup of water and she gently took a few sips. She then finally looked at him properly and saw that his eyes were red. It looked like he had been crying. 

“Jay..” She whispered softly, her throat still sore. “What happened?”

“You had a heart attack, sweetheart.” 

“Oh… was it because of all the chemo?”

He nodded at that. “There was a blockage near the heart stopping the blood flow. We managed to get it out. You’re fine now, baby.” He caressed her cheek. 

“The last thing I heard was that you were in surgery.”

“Yeah I was, but I was almost done. He was fine and I only needed to close him up. The interns could manage that so I rushed to you. I don’t trust anyone else with your life, baby girl.” He said closing his eyes tight.

“I’m fine Jay. You came in time and I’m fine.” Y/N comforted him.

“Y-yeah” He whispered.

“Jay, what about the tumor?”

“The drugs are working. Chemo’s doing its job and the tumor has shrunk. But we couldn’t remove it just yet. You need another course of chemo before we go in and finish the job.”

Y/N started crying “I don’t want to, It’s too much! Please don’t make me!”

Jensen’s heart broke at that and his face fell. “Y/N...please do this. I know it’s painful and exhausting, honey. But I need you to do this. I need you to get better.”

“Why?! Why does it matter so much to you?” She cried.

“Because I fucking love you!” He said 

Y/N was shocked at that admission. She knew there was something there but she never in a billion years thought that he loved her like she loved him. 

“I love you so much, and I need you to get better so that we can make this work and maybe live happily ever after like those books you love!” He added.

She just stared dumbly at him. She didn’t know what to say. She was afraid that she'd break his heart. She was at risk and didn’t know if she'd make it.

Her silence broke his heart further. She could see he was regretting his words. So she quickly added, “I’m only going to hurt you, Jay. We don’t know if I’ll make it.” 

“You will make it, Y/N.”

“You can’t know that! You deserve someone normal. You deserve someone who is not on death’s bed. Someone who won’t remind you of work all the time. Caz that’s what I am, Jensen! I’m your patient and-” She was interrupted with his lips. 

“I know you feel the same, sweetheart. You’re not just my patient. You’re the love of my life. I don’t stay up for any of my patients but you. I don’t do house calls and I sure as hell don’t give them my personal number.” He said with determination in his eyes. 

Y/N looked at him wide eyed. She dared hoped that things would work out. She wanted it so badly. She reached out, despite the pain she was in and pulled him down for a fierce kiss. 

“I love you too, so damn much” She said looking into his eyes. 

He grinned at her and kissed her one last time before tucking her into the blankets. “Rest some, baby. We’ll figure this out ok?” 

“Stay.. don’t go.” 

“I have to check on the other guy, Y/N.” He said looking sadly at her. To which she nodded in understanding. “I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise. I’m taking some time off to be with you.” 

“You don’t have to..”

“Shh. I want to” he said which made her smile so cutely at him. 

But she became serious again, scrunching her eyebrows. “Jay...are you sure it’s going to be okay? I don’t want to die.” Y/N said with a small voice. Jensen felt his heart clench at that. He held her face in his large palms.

“Baby, you’re not going to die ok? Not if I have anything to say about it. You’re going to kick this tumour’s butt and then we’ll run off into the sunset together like a cheesy couple.”

She laughed a little at that. “Okay, I like that plan.” 

“Y/N…”

“Yeah?”

“I know it’s very early but move in with me. Please?”

“Yes.” 

Jensen kissed her hard and then said, “WHEN you survive this, I’m going to marry you. Don’t want to waste any time.”

“I’d like nothing more, baby” grinned Y/N with tears in her eyes. 

Jensen kissed her on the forehead and turned to leave to check on the other patient. 

Y/N fell asleep with a huge smile on her face. For the first time in forever she felt like everything was going to be okay. For the first time in her life she felt like she had a family even if it was just Jensen for now. Maybe they’ll make their own family. A big one too. Did she wish she had met him in better circumstances? No. This entire journey made her who she is. She’d go through it all again because the person she is today is the person who Dr. Jensen Ackles fell in love with. And she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

❅ ❅ ❅

TAGS BELOW

@hobby27 @akshi8278

[sunshinehawks]

5 times bakugou was protective of the reader and the one time she was protective of him.

tw/ mineta being a perv & panic attacks

I.

it wasn’t a secret that mineta was a perv and that the girls and guys of class 1-A really didn’t like him. bakugou hated being around the shit stain, but stayed around him so he could keep him away from girls, especially you.

you and bakugou were extremely close, not in a romantic way, but platonically. you were one of the few who knew his anger wasn’t usually actual anger, and was very seldom actually angry.

well, until today.

training was going like it normally would, until aizawa called over bakugou to ask him a question, and mineta was immediately by your side.

“so are you and bakugou dating?” you heard him ask, making you jump in surprise, not expecting him near you.

“what? no, we’re just friends,” you said, hoping this would end the conversation with him.

“i’m surprised he hasn’t tried to fuck you yet, your body is amazing,” mineta said, his mouth watering, and your disgust and uncomfortableness growing, “i know i’d love to f-“

he was cut off from bakugou blasting him away from you, “shut the fuck up, you purple shit stain!”

bakugou turned from him to you, walking up to you, “what the fuck did he say to you?”

when you struggled to speak, kirishima did, “he said he was surprised that you hadn’t tried to fuck her yet and that he’d love to fuck her.”

if bakugou wasn’t livid then, he is now, “he did what?! aizawa!”

aizawa turned from todoroki, and raised an eyebrow at bakugou, “what?”

“can i spar with mineta?” bakugou all but shouted and you swear you saw aizawa smirk behind his scarf.

“just don’t kill him.”

bakugou smirks, “no promises.”

II.

everyone in class could tell you were out of it today, especially since you hadn’t spoken a work the entire class, which was odd.

“(y/l/n),” you heard aizawa say, although it took you a minute to respond and turn your head his way, “are you okay?”

you nodded slowly, “just tired, mr. aizawa. i’m okay.”

he didn’t look convinced, but carried on with the lesson. when the bell finally rang for lunch, you stood up next to bakugou and kirishima, ready to follow them to lunch, when your vision started slightly blurring and you got lightheaded. grabbing onto bakugou’s shirt, he turned his head at you, ready to yell at you when you passed out in his arms.

-

waking up in the infirmary was not your ideal situation, especially figuring out you passed out.

“oh, you’re awake little listener!” you hear present mic’s unnaturally quiet voice, “i just kicked bakugou and aizawa out. they’ve been here the entire time.”

you blink slowly, “the entire time? how long was i out?”

mic sighed, moving his chair closer to the bed, “school ended 3 hours ago. it’s 6pm right now.”

it was quiet it for a bit, letting it sink in that you had been asleep for 6 hours and that aizawa and bakugou had been with you the entire time.

“they stayed the whole 6 hours?” you ask, your voice quiet, soft, unlike how it is when you’re in class and happy.

mic nodded, “bakugou was dead set on staying, so aizawa stayed too. they’ll be back soon, they went with recovery girl to get some food for you when you woke up. considering you haven’t been eating or sleeping much,” he says, voice stern, and you nod.

“i know,” you speak, and mic’s expression softens, although you don’t see it, “i can’t, i just can’t sleep at night, and when i do sleep, it when we have free periods or free time, which,” you trail off.

“which interrupts your eating schedule,” he finishes, and you nod, “well, you’ll still get a strict speaking to from aizawa, and i don’t think bakugou will let you out of his sights for a while, so, you’ll be okay. we’re here to help. don’t be afraid to lean on us, okay, little listener?”

you finally look at mic in the eyes, “thank you.”

III.

it wasn’t like you to miss a training sessions after school, especially with bakugou, so he got worried. not that he’d ever admit it, but he did. when he finally found you in a hallway, he was relieved but it only lasted a few seconds. upon closer look, he realized that you were having a panic attack.

“fuck,” he whispered, and ran to where you were sitting, “hey,” he spoke, his voice still husky, but definitely gentler than you’ve ever heard it, “i’m gonna put my hand on your fucking leg, okay?”

a nod.

“good,” he says, and he rests your hand right under your knee, “i’m gonna start tapping, and i want you to count them, okay? and when you’re grounded, tell me how many taps.”

a nod, and he starts tapping right where his hand was.

42.

in total it takes around 42 taps before you are grounded, and calm.

“sorry, i’ve been feeling on edge all day and it hit all at once and i-“ he cuts you off.

“don’t fucking apologize for something you can’t control, idiot. it’s not your damn fault.”

you smile and nod, “can we reschedule the training?”

he nods, “yeah, let’s get something to fucking eat.”

IV.

was it cold in the classroom? yes. did you forget to bring a jacket? also yes. usually the classrooms, hell, the school in general, was never this cold. according to nezu, as aizawa said, the heating was currently out, and would be on later today.

thing is, it’s below freezing outside right now, and you don’t have a jacket.

it wasn’t till you guys were given a free period to study or catch up on work that kaminari noticed.

“woah, (y/l/n), you good?” he asks, concern lacing his voice.

“yeah,” you replied, “i’m just cold.”

“why didn’t you bring a damn jacket, you idiot?” you heard bakugou say, and you turn around in your seat, semi glaring at him, “i train in the mornings with shinsou, so by the time i leave that building, i don’t need my jacket, i’m too hot.”

kirishima chuckles, “guess you learned your lesson though, i’ll give you my jacket.”

you shake your head, “no, it’s ok kirishima! i don’t need it, really.”

bakugou makes a ‘tch’ noise, and starts removing his jacket.

“bakugou?” you ask, and he shoves his jacket in your face, “no, really, it’s o-“

“just take the damn jacket, i’m starting to sweat anyway.”

you smile softly, and put the jacket on, the smell of caramel hitting you, “thank you bakugou.”

V.

monoma was known for hating class 1-A and often tried to pick on them, and today, you seemed to be his target.

“did you hear that she has a villian’s quirk?” monoma yelled out as you entered the lunchroom with sero and kaminari, making you freeze, “i can’t believe that you’re even in UA at all!”

sero immediately stepped in front of you, trying to shield you, while kaminari tries to calm you down before you get angry or work yourself into an anxiety attack.

“what the fuck did you say, extra?” you hear bakugou say, but his voice doesn’t contain his normal anger. no, this anger isn’t loud or brash. this anger is cold, collective, calm, and precise.

“your little friend here isn’t good enough to be here, or a hero at all! she would be so goo-“ monoma gets cut off, as bakugou punches him in the stomach, no quirk use at all.

“let me tell you something, you fucking extra,” his voice colder than you’ve ever heard, and the cafeteria is so quiet you could hear a pin drop, “don’t you fucking dare think about saying shit like that to her. you understand? you don’t know what the fuck she has been through. get it through your fucking envious ass brain, you don’t get to fucking walk all over everyone and think you’ll win, because you won’t.”

with that, bakugou walks away from him and starts making his way over to you, sero and kaminari immediately get out of his way. bakugou sees you pulls you into him, walking out of the cafeteria with you, pulling you into, what you two think, is an empty classroom.

“are you okay?” he asks, his voice soft, kind and gentle unlike normal.

you nod, “yeah, i’m used to it, but everytime monoma says it, it just makes me want to cry.”

“don’t worry,” bakugou says after a bit, “i don’t think that fucking extra will be talking about it for a while.”

+I.

getting into a fight with villains was definitely not on your lists of things to do today, but you did what you could. messaging the rest of your class, besides bakugou, who was with you and finally had his provisional hero license, and starting fighting. you had no idea how long backup would be, and the villians knew hand to hand combat and were good. you felt trapped but finally won against the villain you were fighting, and tied him up. looking for bakugou, you saw the villain draw a gun, realizing what was happening, you immediately jumped in front, just as the villain pulled the trigger.

you don’t remember anything until bakugou finally pressed on the wound, and screamed for help. that was the last thing you remembered.

—

blinking slowly, making your eyes adjust to the bright light, you hear movement to your left, and you turn your head, facing the noise.

bakugou.

looking at him, you realized he was asleep with his head against your bedside. was he here the whole time?

“bakugou,” you whisper, nudging him slightly, “bakugou, wake up. you’ll hurt your back sleeping like that.”

he blinks owlishly, slowly sits up, and then registers you’re awake.

“what the fuck were you fucking thinking? you goddamn idiot,” he spoke, a glare on his face, but his tone.

his tone showed he was scared.

“i don’t remember much after i blacked out, what happened?” you asked, voice husky.

he sighed, his glare disappearing, “aizawa showed up, and so did a few other pros but i was focused on aizawa because he saved you. you were bleeding so much, and you weren’t responding, and i was scared. i was so fucking scared that i was about to lose someone i had gotten so goddamn close to. i-“

bakugou is cut off by you wrapping your arms around him, “i’m sorry. but i couldn’t let them kill you, and i would do it again.”

bakugou grips you tighter, and maybe, just maybe, he cries.

[flybi91]

sick

You were sicker than you originally thought. At first it was the typical, a bit of a fever, sniffles, etc. but now you were burning up and you barely had any energy, you couldn’t do anything except go to the bathroom and get food. Your throat hurt and you felt too nauseous to really eat so you’ve mostly just been having things like crackers, toast, and soup. You were so tired after that, you had to go back to sleep. 

You wanted the master so bad, you just wanted him to cuddle you. But you knew he wouldn’t do that, you kept him away as much as possible. You didn’t even want to THINK of what he’d say or do if he knew you were sick. He was always talking about how inferior humans were, how stupid they were, how they got so easily sick and hurt. You answered his texts and kept the phone conversations to a minimum making excuses like you had to get back to work. Your biggest fear right now was him finding out how sick you were and abandoning you, that he’d find you a burden. You loved him but you knew well enough that the man didn’t have patience and didn’t hold your species in high regard.

You forgot to refill your water bottle but you were too tired to get back up, you’d do it after you woke up to go to the bathroom. You looked at the clock, eyes straining trying to focus. It’s been enough time where you could take something for your fever and headache. You sighed when you looked at the empathy water bottle but you looked at the last of your soup. You put the pills in your mouth and forced the last mouthful of cold soup down.

You laid all the way down and snuggled into your soft pillows, you were so tired that you started falling asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow. You didn’t know if it was just you missing the master, you being tired, or a mixture of both but you could have SWORN you heard his tardis. But you knew it probably wasn’t him, he’s too busy to check on you and you didn’t want him to know you were sick anyway.

He was getting worried. Every time he texted you, you gave the bare minimum repy, same for when he called, and you kept giving that excuse of needing to go back to work. He thought you were just in a mood but it’s been a little over a week and you were getting worse, you haven’t answered any of his texts or calls that day. He has a multitude of enemies and people that want to hurt and kill him by any means necessary. He didn’t want to bother you and let you ride out whatever you were going through but your silence was terrifying him, he had to pop in and see if you were ok.

You weren’t answering him when he called you but your place looked like someone was here recently. There were cups and bowls in the sink and your pets food bowl was filled. Maybe you WERE at work? maybe you got a job recently. He jumped a little when your cat rubbed up against his leg. He bent down to scratch it behind the ears. “You wouldn't happen to know where she is would you?.” The little thing immediately started going up stairs, looking back to make sure he was following.

It stopped at your bedroom door and started scratching. He opened the door to see you in bed and his hearts immediately melted. He’s never seen you so sick before, why wouldn’t you tell him, he could have helped and you would have been better by now.  But now it was too late, there were medicines you should have been taking the first day you weren’t feeling well, now you’d have to ride it out. 

He knelt in front of your bed and gently brushed the hair away from your face, he could immediately feel how hot you were just from that brief touch. “Oh dear, why didn’t you tell me.”

He hesitated a bit before picking you up, he was trying to be careful as to not wake you. He was cautiously walking down the stairs to his tardis when you started squirming a little. “Master?” You mumbled before burying your face in his chest. “missed my master so much.” 

He looked at your sleepy face and he could feel his hearts skip a beat. You were so cute and sweet, and the way you said his name was the most precious thing he’s ever heard in all his lives. He still couldn’t believe that a human loved and trusted him. “It’s ok love, master’s here.”

He gently laid you down on a bed in the medbay. He wanted you to be in a soft comfy bed but he needed to look at everything first so he’d know what to give you. And then he felt something rub against his leg again, of course it was the cat. He didn’t hate animals by any means he just didn’t want them on the tardis. Besides messing things up they could get lost and hurt. And he’d know how devastated you’d be if something happened to your cat (and as much as he didn’t want to admit it, he’d also be upset)

He gently picked it up and was going to take it out of the ship when he passed by a decent sized room with a clear glass door filled with cat things. He opened the door and plopped it down. “Never thought you’d be ok with a cat.” The tardis gave a sad beep and he touched the console. “It’ll be ok, she’s just sick, i know you’re quite fond of her as well.”

You slowly opened your eyes and…..you weren’t in your room?. It was the master’s ta- oh god, that wasn’t a dream. You THOUGHT you dreamt of him coming to visit you but it clearly wasn’t seeing as you were very obviously now in the tardis medbay. Your heart dropped, there’s no way he’d let you stay with him. After you got better he’d send you back to earth, he’d never-

“Good, you’re awake. I did some basic tests and most things are fine but you’re a bit dehydrated that’s why you’re on the drip.” You looked and realized you were on an iv. You were groggy but you didn’t know how you didn’t realize that. “Sorry I had to use a needle like earth but it’s the best way to help a human. Your blood test was fine at least!” You watched him running around the medbay with papers and a little iphone looking thingy in his hands. He started putting different pills and things on a metal tray. He put down the tray and started organizing everything while flicking through papers.

“There’s something I could have given you the first day to stop this but you didn’t tell me so i’ve made a schedule of what you should take and when so you’ll hopefully not be too uncomfortable. I wanted you in a nice soft bed so you could sleep better but i had to do a checkup first but after your drip is done you should be well enough that you don’t need to stay in the medbay.”

Your heart felt like it was being squeezed and you could feel tears threatening to spill out as you listened to him speak. 

He stopped his fussing and looked at you. “What’s wrong, love?, is something hurting?” He gently put his hand on your cheek to get you to face him.  “Is it something i’ve done?”

 Your heart shattered at the suggestion that you were upset because of him and your tears started freely falling. “NO, no, i-i-it’s not you, it’s m-me. I’m not strong enough.”

He barely understood the last part of what you said, you were sobbing so hard and shaking. “Shhhh, it’s alright dear, it’s ok, i’m here.” he held you until you calmed down a bit

He didn’t exactly know what you were on about, you were probably too exhausted to think properly. 

He gingerly took the needle out and bandaged you up. “But you won’t be here forever. You’ll put me back on earth and leave.”

“What makes you think that?!”

You tried to control yourself as you could feel the tears starting up again. “It’s obvious isn't it obvious?, i’m a weak human after i’m better you’ll leave me on earth. I’m a hindrance and a burden”

He was shocked to hear your confession. He gently picked you up and began to carry you to his room. “Where did you get that idea?”

You scoffed a bit. “Stop pretending like you don’t know”

“Humor me love.” You knew this was the last time you’d probably see him so you let yourself the small indulgence of snuggling against him.

You looked down at your hands and at the passing walls, you knew if you looked at him you wouldn’t be able to hold it together and you’ve embarrassed yourself enough for one day. “Humans get sick and hurt so easily. I know you don’t like us because of that and i never wanted you to see me as just another human. I never wanted you to have a reason to leave. I know you’ll have to leave eventually and i just didn’t want it to be because i reminded you of my humanity”

“Oh angle, how in the universe could i ever let you think that.” His voice was shaking like he was about to cry himself but you kept your eyes down.

“You mean so much more to me than anything has in a LONG time.” He carried you through the door and put you down gently on the bed. Your eyes widened as you quickly realized that it was HIS room. You’ve seen it a few times, mostly by accident when the tardis was messing with you. 

His room was almost black, the only real light coming from candles and light from the hall. The furniture was a very dark, almost black wood. The four poster bed was massive and had deep purple velvet drapes. The posters had intricate, detailed carvings, swirls, animals, things in his native language. The sheets were black and probably made from the softest material in the universe. It was surprisingly clean, not that you thought he’d leave his room a wreck but it was almost completely spotless, though that was probably just because he never slept.

You’ve probably only been on his bed for a few seconds and you were already struggling to not fall asleep and you weren’t even laying down yet. 

He was kicking himself in the head, OF COURSE you thought you’d be included when he insulted humans, why didn’t he realize it sooner?. 

He knelt next to you and held your hand. “I need you to know that I promise I never wanted you to feel that way.” He looked like he wanted to say something else but he stood up to walk away. “You need to rest, i’ll talk to you about it when you wake up.”

You grabbed his hand as hard as you could, which wasn’t very hard given how weak and tired you were. “Don’t go.”

He turned around and chuckled. “You need rest love.”

“Stay, please”

He looked at you with your big hopeful eyes, so cute and sweet he couldn’t say no. You smiled as he took off his shoes, jacket, and vest before untying the curtains and pulling them around the bed. He walked around to the other side of the bed and got under the covers. You quickly laid down and snuggled against him and he gathered you in his arms, gently running his fingers through your hair. “Love you master.”

His hearts fluttered. “And I love you more than you could ever imagine.”

[rant-2-me]

My mental state has just worsened over the days, though I'm not sure why, and I just feel so unmotivated and lacking any energy to practice any self care other than napping, and also feel anxious because I'm not studying enough.. feel like I'm just 1/4th assing my responsibilities.. And when someone asks me how I'm doing, sometimes I blurt out that I'm not fine, and the guilt I feel afterwards for making them worry, so I find myself withdrawing from initiating conversation with them, even though I really want to, and this makes them worry about me more.. I just don't know anything anymore, everything feels too much, yet I can't rant in a clear conscience without feeling guilty for bothering them, and thinking how I don't deserve to complain because they have had so much worse (yes I know pain is relative, but I feel so horrible, like a whiny child, who doesn't know how to be content with her blessings)......

Sorry I know it's a lot.. feel free to delete it if it's triggering or making you uncomfortable in any way... I just needed to get it out..

My lovely nonnie, im so, so glad you sent this ask. and got it all out of your system. yeah this sounds cheesy but like ive been there, with not knowing how to reach out—im proud you had the courage to send this ask. girlboss vibes.

also this ask took a while to answer and im so so sorry about that, but I didnt want to do anything less than the best for you, so let's just jump right in <[:)

Lacking motivation, god I've been there, but doing self care is super super important so here is a how-to, hon.

How to do selfcare when you’re not motivated to:

1. Be a little “gross.”

Gross is in quotes because it’s so subjective, but you undoubtedly have a few behaviors you consider kind of gross regardless. Now’s the time to do them without judgment. For me, that’s meant showering less, eating weird food combos (sometimes in bed), and letting my brows and mustache grow magnificently unruly. For you, it could mean doing something you normally judge yourself for or cutting back on activities you only do for the benefit of others. Now is not the time to allow “socially acceptable” behaviors to rule you.

2. Eat whatever the hell you want.

This should be a rule always, but I’m not going to pretend there aren’t societal, social, and personal pressures that go into why we eat what we eat. Try to shut down the voice that judges or polices what you’re eating right now. We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic. If dinner has to be some slices of cheese and deli meat eaten in front of the open fridge, so be it. If you have a lot of cravings and are snacking more than you normally would, cool. If pre-pandemic you decided you were going to stick to a certain meal plan and it’s just not happening anymore? Don’t beat yourself up.

Yes, what we eat is connected to our mental health, and I don’t want to discount that—but if the stress of eating healthfully is making you feel like crap anyway, whether that’s because you can’t fathom cooking or don’t have the means to shop for certain foods during isolation, just eat the sleeve of Oreos and try again another day. It’s okay.

3. And wear whatever you want.

Or, more realistically, wear whatever you can. Even if it means wearing the same ratty sweatpants for a whole week. Or month. Maybe you started all this out aspiring to get dressed every day to work from home productively, or maybe you have a whole collection of comfortable loungewear you feel guilty for not utilizing. Whatever arbitrary rules and expectations you’ve set for yourself, you can throw them out.

On the other hand, maybe you need to quiet the voice that tells you there’s no point in getting dressed or feeling presentable. If it helps, by all means, play with your look, wear awesome or weird outfits, do your hair and makeup or whatever activity might feel a little silly given your current reality. In the middle of a pandemic, nothing is a waste of time if it makes you feel good.

4. Use shortcuts to avoid creating chores.

In my first week or so of working entirely from home, I was baffled by just how messy my apartment got. How on earth were so many messes piling up when I wasn’t even doing anything but working, sleeping, and eating? I hadn’t realized it, but a lot of my small tidying routines had become casualties to the pandemic. And, it turns out, slacking on the little ways I pick up after myself every day (such as doing the dishes right after I use them) added up quickly.

Instead of forcing myself to stick to the same levels of tidiness that I used to maintain, I’ve found shortcuts. For example, I use paper plates and plastic cutlery when I feel too fatigued to wash dishes so they don’t sit in the sink for days on end. Or I stick to the same two “outfits” to avoid clothes piling up when I’m too depressed to put them away every day. If you can find a small way to go easy on yourself, even if it feels a little wasteful or indulgent or gross, it’s okay to tap into those shortcuts right now.

5. Be kind to yourself if your place is messy or dirty.

I won’t lie: I’m someone whose space impacts my mental health a lot. Typically, keeping my apartment clean helps keep my mental health in check and letting my apartment get gross makes me feel worse. That’s still true in a lot of ways, but to adapt I’ve been trying to be mindful and accepting of where I’m at. And it’s…helped?

It turns out that taking the pressure off does a lot to mitigate the guilt and some of the other negative mental health effects I usually experience. In practice, it involves a lot of talking to myself. Instead of seeing my apartment turning into a depression cave and immediately thinking, “Oh, God, I need to clean up, this is so disgusting, I’m a monster for living like this, of course I feel depressed,” I go for kindness. I think (or even say out loud because, well, desperate times), “Of course my apartment is a mess right now. I’ll get to it when I get to it. I can handle the mess for now.”

6. Accept your new sleep schedule.

idk anyone whose sleep hasn’t been screwed in some way by all of this. Anxiety, depression, fatigue, pent-up energy from sheltering in place, tech use, new work responsibilities, screwy schedules…pretty much every aspect of our new reality can impact our sleep. Some people are sleeping a lot more, some are sleeping a lot less, and some are cycling through both extremes. Oh, and the temptation of naps! It’s all there.

Trying to maintain a healthy sleep schedule during all of this is a worthy endeavor—and more power to you if you’ve figured out how—but there’s a good chance that it feels impossible.

By “accepting” your new sleep schedule, I don’t mean pretending it doesn’t suck; I mean doing what you can to be gentle on yourself about it. For me, acceptance has looked like watching some comfort tv and reading my favourite books at 2 a.m. instead of staying in bed and anxiety-spiraling about how I can’t sleep. Is it ideal? No way. But I’m not going to waste energy stressing about something I currently can’t control.

7. Give yourself plenty of room to do absolutely nothing.

I’ve given myself permission to do a whole lot of nothing. That includes getting rid of the pressure to be productive and practice self-care, yes, but in a broader sense, it also means not forcing myself to actively “adjust” every day.

Some days, I just need to do nothing but feel my feelings. Or avoid feeling my feelings. Or stare at the ceiling. Give yourself space to do (or not do) whatever you need to.

also, nonnie? my love?

Never feel guilty about telling someone who cares about you when you don’t feel okay.

People who genuinely care about you—and I’m sure they are many—will care if you aren’t feeling good, there are always going to be people who care about you, who want you to be okay, that’s why they ask, why people make rant, why “how are you?” is such a common question.

But if you do need to talk, but you feel like you’ll “burden” people who you do talk to, here’s a guide to ranting.

Guide to ranting:

1. Pick the right person. Someone who’s in the right headspace to listen to you, you could also pick someone who cares about you—if you’re anxiety tells you nobody cares about you, pick someone who “should” care about you in your relationship, e.g: a friend you’ve had for a long time, a friend who’s told a few of their problems, or friend you might not feel close with, but seems very kindhearted and a good listener.

2. Pick the right time to talk to them, so you can have their undivided attention. If they are busy—as most people will be with something—they’ll have a hard time giving you good advice and listening to you. Ask them when they are free, and then ask them:

3. “hey, can we talk? I’m not mad or you or anything, it’s just that I have been not feeling great, and I just want to rant to someone about it.” and “No pressure to say yes, you might have your own stuff to do deal with.” to make sure they are the right person to talk to.

4. It’s ok to test the waters. Start slowly, you don’t have to share everything at once if you don’t want to.

5. You never know how your friend will react to what you say.While you can’t know how they’ll react, just remember that sometimes people’s initial reactions may come from a place of shock, surprise or not knowing what to say. Their initial reaction isn’t always their longerterm reaction, it may just take them a little time to process.

6. Look for ways to take action. Don’t get me wrong, ranting can be amazing for you, but on its own may not solve your problem.

But maybe venting to people isn’t for you. No matter! There are other ways to get out emotions:

Ways to rant without talking to anyone

1. Cry it out— simple and rewarding. When the baggage is just too heavy to carry cry it out. It can help you ease the pressure and ease your mind to think straight after days of holding that frustration in.

2. Work out — easy and fun. tire yourself out and release all the frustration in working out! This is going to be so satisfying for you as you try and punch, kick, balance, lift, and breathe those frustrations away.

3. Clean & rearrange — practical and can be fun. we get frustrated by so many things and one thing that can truly help clear our minds is to have a clean place where we can stay and live for the moment to breathe. Clean your room, rearrange your things and you’ll be surprised by the satisfaction this brings — a signal of a new beginning.

4. Scribble — simple and fun. Make scribbles, doodles, drawings, take a pen or a pencil, and let go. It does not have to be “good” art or professional at all. Just draw whatever comes to heart, sunflowers or clouds or rainbows—anything.

5. Write it down — fun and simple. Let those words out of your head and just live in the moment.

How to fight the lack of motivation.

1. Don't fight the lack of motivation.

If you feel down or unable to muster tons of energy, let it be ok. Be easy on yourself and acknowledge that it's ok to have a dip, especially at this time of the year.

2. Once you have accepted your slump, get to the bottom of it.

Ask yourself, "What is the root cause of this sluggish feeling?" Go deeper than the obvious reasons. Is it related to work? Your personal life? Relationships? It might also just be the weather. Get clear on what areas of your life you're feeling the most resistance.

3. Dig into that area. What is not ideal about this aspect of your life? What would make it better?

Make a list of how you'd like your current situation to improve--and be specific. If you truly can't find a reason to be less than enthusiastic, then accept your feelings and let them pass with time.

4. Take your list of what is missing and go through it.

What is holding you back from being able to create the things that are missing in your life?

5. Get support for creating the life you want.

Do some research and find an expert to help you. Even though they love you, friends and family aren't objective enough, and they tend to give advice that is a reflection of their own life and insecurities.

6. Think of current habits that are contributing to a less-than-ideal life.

Maybe it's fear, laziness, or not having enough confidence. Pick one to focus on.

7. Address this habit over the next 2 months.

They say it takes 28 days to create a new habit, but this varies from person to person. If you focus on it for two months, you are sure to build the neural pathways needed to call it a new way of being.

8. Buy a book, read articles or do some research on this particular behavior or feeling.

Read about the common causes of this habit as well as the proven ways to bust through and work around it.

9. Create a plan around shifting your current habit.

Make sure that changing this habit ultimately helps you move forward in the area of your life that is not ideal. The energy from clarity, awareness and then action will immediately get you feeling more motivated, no matter what.

10. When all else fails: make a list of activities that excite you, and do one of them right now.

Talk to a fun friend, dance around at home, workout, watch a funny YouTube video, tackle something on your to-do list. Accomplishing something will give you a hit of dopamine in your brain. If you're too overwhelmed by your day, sit for five minutes and meditate. Put on some soothing music and breathe.

okay, that's all nonnie, I hope you feel the lust for life in your lungs, please have all my love, i hope this helped, this ask took a while, but it was worth if it helps

and if you need to dont worry to send another ask, if you like spam the inbox!! queen!!!

take care, much love my sweet honey, bye <3

—*putting daisies in your hair as they leave* mod peppermint <[:)

[urmomification]

WOOO POG DREAM SMP AU

theres 1.8k words and 9,393 characters of a schlatt au below the cut LMAO

[i was rambling to my friend and this is what came out of it! send me an abt it if u have questions i would love to talk abt it more pls]

(slight body horror/gore tw!!)

slams fists on table rattling any dishes on the table au where schlatt doesnt die of a heartattack and tubbo locks him up to rot basically and his horns grow into his eyes effectively blinding him and chained his hands together and basically a leash on him to keep him from moving around in his cell so he cant do anything to break the horns off before they get too long and one day when technos breaking into lmanberg he gets chased into the prison and loses them in the halls before coming across schlatts cell and schlatts calling out like 'whos there i can hear ur foot steps whos there please someone whos there' etc yk and technos speechless they thought they executed him to keep him from causing any more problems in the country but this is this is just much worse than anything he even thought theyd do and hes standing in front of schlatts cell just looking at him as if hes imagining it he knew lmanberg was bad but holy fuck they just let this man rot in a cell to the point of his own horns blinding him and giving him no aid or way to ease the pain so he makes himself known and schlatt 'ive never been so happy to see, well, hear an anarchist in my life, its good to see- hear you technoblade' and chuckles and blood runs down his face like tears would, few drops landing on his clothes before techno starts trying to get into the cell to take him out of there he cant leave him here sure he was an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but he had standards and now that schlatt wasnt in power he had nothing against him really considering he isnt a citizen of lmanberg so he manages to pick the locks enough to get him out of there, schlatts arm slung over technos shoulder they stumble out of the prison building and as they slowly make their way to the nether portal to get back to technos base, they run into tubbo and quackity, schlatts old right hand men and they try to stop techno bc hes well an anarchist terrorist w a murder record but the glare techno gives them levels them and theyre left staring at each other for a moment when schlatt 'whyre we stopped whos there tech' and techno mumbles 'tubbo and quackity schlatt' and schlatt just furrows his brows as far as he can without sending excruciating pain into his eye sockets before he purses his lips and asks 'are they going to try and stop us?' techno looks back at the other two 'no they wont, isnt that right boys?' tubbo and quackity slink away allowing techno and schlatt to the portal and them going thru, schlatt still silent as he tries not to trip over technos cape or off the ledge of the bridge passing over the lava lakes, they make it to the portal and begin the walk across the arctic tundra to technos house, philza isnt there right now so its just the two of them and techno leads him up the ladder to his room (its not really a room i think its just a bed, a bell and an enchantment table) and sits him down on his bed mumbling something abt being right back and he is with some medical supplies and a change of clothes to clean everything up, they dont talk techno works in silence and when schlatt winces he mumbles a small apology before continuing eventually techno got schlatt as cleaned up as you can get someone w horns in their eyes and a sweater to keep him warm and finally starts asking questions 'how long had u been in there' 'lost count' 'did they bring you food' 'a chests worth at the beginning of the month' techno sighs 'i thought they executed you' 'tubbo chickened out despite me being 'an active threat to our peace in lmanberg' and locked me up a few days after u set the withers loose and dropped off a chest of food once a month and most of them refused to talk to me others couldnt even make eye contact with me, other than the few instances where they said things like 'heres ur food' or 'u deserve this' or 'i cant believe tubbo let u live' i talked to no one other than myself for however long i was in there' techno stands and walks around for a moment before flipping some pages and schlatt can hear him gasp quietly in mild surprise 'what is it tech' looking in the direction he heard techno from and techno says, turning to face schlatt on his bed 'schlatt that was almost 3 months ago' a single beat of silence rings for what feels like forever 'oh. i, i didnt think itd been that long. though it would explain my current predicament' loosely gesturing towards his face 'oh right abt that i have a few questions if ur ready to answer some' schlatt hums and techno grabs a pen and paper and sits next to him in case he needs to take any notes for future reference 'how fast do ur horns normally grow' 'idk just a steady amount my whole life pretty much' 'will they ever stop growing' 'they generally stop growing around 30 and continue to grow more in width than length' 'did anyone who brought u food notice' 'they grow quickly and by the time the person w the third chest came around they were getting close to my eyes but they didnt listen to me, no one did' he sighs looking down at would be his hands 'the odds of both of my horns growing into my eyes and blinding me like this are so low but of course it would happen to me' a chuckle void of any amusement 'because losing my country and my people and my power wasnt enough already' techno stands up 'you had that coming' schlatt actually laughs this time, short and curt 'ok fair, u were the one that took me down afterall' and from then on schlatt lives w techno and phil and eventually tommy and then without tommy (tommy was Not happy when he found out that schlatt was living with techno but he needed somewhere to stay too and techno happens to live in an arctic tundra where only a handful of people know how to get to so he didnt complain too much) and eventually techno saws off schlatts horns at the bend adn removes them from his eyes bc if they kept growing into his head theyd hit his brain and kill him on top of blinding  him and techno gags and almost throws up despite not being sensitive to gore  and gives schlatt a bandanna to cover the holes in his head for everyones sake and once they heal somewhat he can find something else out and thats how they live, schlatt helps with what he can like farming w phil but mostly spends his time learning braille or something so he can read and techno gets him books in braille so he isnt bored or alone like he was in the prison and he feeds him and takes care of him and schlatt is funny and entertaining despite being blinded by something from his own body and the torture it was like to rot in a cell alone for almost a 1/4 of a year and nights when techno gets home late and hes shaken and the voices are bad schlatt will sit behind him and play with his hair and talk abt his own day and rub technos back and in return when schlatt relapses and gets violent and angry techno will wash his hair and read him stories until he calms down and hopefully asleep and no one told him the news that wilbur died so when ghostbur shows up and starts talking to him he treats him the same as he would wilbur bc he cant see that hes a ghost all thats different is his speech pattern and overall personality and one day he says 'ur different wilbur what happened to that, i dunno spark u used to have' and wilbur simply 'im not sure if im being honest a lot abt me has changed since i died, or so im told i dont remember much from when i was alive' and schlatt just 0_0 and then hes scrambling down the ladder and stumbling around the house looking for techno, finding him in the basement working on something and when he gets there hes out of breath and his hands are shaking bc holy shit wilburs not only dead but a ghost and he was just talking to me and he doesnt remember what i did and and and and techno is shocked to see schlatt in the basement and asks whats up and schlatt just 'wilbur died wilbur fucking died tech why didnt anyone tell him and now hes a ghost hes a fucking ghost who lives in ur house and doesnt remember anything he doesnt remember that he blew up lmanberg does he he remembers my name but not anything that i did what hes a fucking ghost techno hes a ghost holy fuck' and technos just standing there like ??? no one no one told him 'yea philza had to kill him after he blew up lmanberg i thought u knew thats why i didnt say anything' oh. 'phil, phil had to kill him?' 'yea its a touchy subject, dont bring it up' and simply goes back to what he was working on so schlatt sits on the ground by the ladder and listens to him work his brain going a mile a minute trying to comprehend whats going on 'would i have become a ghost if theyd chosen to execute me?' 'its hard to say im unsure if theres specific circumstances that contribuite to someone becoming a ghost but theres really no telling' and goes back to working yet again and from then on they fall into an easy schedule of techno going out and doing whatever an anarchist terrorist w a murder record does on ur average wednesday and schlatt stays home reading and organizing whatever he can based on size and feeling and sleeping in windowsills and schlatt greeting techno comes home beaten up and full of new resources and a side of bruises and cuts so he tends to them, getting better at maneuvering and functioning without needing to see then techno making dinner and then curling up by the fire for the night enjoying each others company as they talk abt their days :]

[bangtanlighters]

Fate! Chapter 20

Genre: (um, lots of things) Joseon dynasty, past/present-ish, a sprinkle of hybrids

Pairing: BTS x Reader (yup - all seven)

Summary: Princess Yemma was the youngest regent of Joseon, also the most feared. With her seven advisors who would give their life for her, she was untouchable…..When the princess died a new regent took control, however, the previous ruler died much too young for it to be natural.

Part 20 / ?

A/N: I will be seeing BTS in DC if you all wanna have a meetup or say hi!!! Also, my ask is open for any Q&A you wanna send!

                                                     ---------------

Once one topic was finished Jin continued with the next.

"Yoongi, you're covered in bruises. I take it the mission didn't go well?"

He shook his head and crossed his arms. "Someone started chasing me. I don't want to say this but I think it was another hybrid."

"Another hybrid?" Taehyung sat up.

To all of their knowledge, Taehyung and Yoongi were the only hybrids in existence. Of course, they suspected that there were more like them but they had yet to encounter them.

"Yeah, I was in my wolf form when it happened."

"And something was fast enough to keep up with you and attack you?" Jimin asked.

"Ok well, when you put it like that you make it sound like I was only one that was beaten up." Yoongi pointed. "I did some damage to him too."

"Yoongi, you haven't been going to work right? You're close to Yemma, so whether she'd admit it or not, I know it'd worry her." Jin asked ignoring his earlier comment.

"Yeah, I called out for two weeks." Yoongi scratched his head. "My co-workers would be curious as well. I'm just about better so I'll head back in next week."

"Alright, well let's keep an eye on the Queen Mother but let's proceed as planned." Namjoon sighed getting up. "Keep staying low profile, we haven't gotten any closer to our answers so we need to be as careful as possible until we get them."

The rest of the boys nodded and thus ended their meeting.

                                               -----------------------

A week later Yemma ran to her father's room after the butler had called her from an event she had been attending.

Now that it was spring break and Yemma's father still hadn't gotten better she had to run what he couldn't. While she had yet to be completely in charge of her father's companies she was going about to meetings and offices in her father's place. So when she got the call that her father's condition was worsening she anxiously waited for a meeting to end before rushing out the building and canceling her schedule for the rest of the day.

Inside the housemaids and butlers were rushing about yet again. After opening his large door doctors stood by his bed and an IV drip was connected to his arm and he was violently coughing. Yemma had been gone for so long she could barely recognize his gaunt face.

"Papa." Her voice cracked as she held back tears. She moved past her stepmother and the doctors to hold his hand, it was cold and frail.

"How are you feeling?"

He smiled and sighed. "Honestly better than I have been. The doctors and your mother have been taking good care of me."

"I'm sorry I haven't been able to visit you, I didn't realize how much work you do." She laughed.

"Well it can't be helped, I'll be back as soon as I'm on my feet again. Just think of this as a practice round for when you really take over."

"I will papa."

The doctor stepped up to finish his checkup and Yemma stepped back next to her stepmother.

"I should make him some tea." Her stepmother informed the doctor. "It should soothe him a little."

With that, she smiled once more before leaving their room and disappearing down the hall. When she left Yemma noticed the maids in the corner start whispering to each other.

Although oddly it piqued Yemma's interest, she decided to let it go as something normal. It wasn't abnormal for the staff to entertain themselves while working. Many of them were friends and Yemma's father encouraged that sort of behavior with his staff. He said 'it makes us all feel like a family, and family takes care of family. While we treat them like humans they look out for us'. With the comfortable behavior of the staff to each other, it made a fun environment for staff to help raise a young Yemma.

"My lady." The head butler said softly. "Mr. Kim is here to drop off your homework. Would you like me to take it for you and send him off? As now might not be a good time?"

Yemma shook her head and offered to get it herself. After telling her father that she'll be right back and squeezing his hand she followed Mr. Lee out the room, down the hall and the grand staircase.

At the bottom of the stairs on the left side was where Namjoon was supposed to be waiting for her. To the right, down yet another hall, was the way to the kitchen where her stepmother was making tea for her father. She followed Mr. Lee down the left hallway to Namjoon who had been patiently waiting.

Ever since she had taken over her father's position Namjoon usually came over to tutor her and bringing her homework over so she could finish off the year on track. This time however Namjoon didn't come alone.

"Thank you, Mr. Lee, please return to my father. Send someone immediately if something happens." Yemma smiled.

He asked but nodded. "Alright, my lady."

"Did we come at a bad time?" Namjoon asked once Mr. Lee left.

Yemma shook her head and sat down across from the two men. "No, actually you came at a good time for me. I just didn't expect you to bring another guest. Not that you're not welcome Jin."

"We just came to drop off your homework, we're going out after if you wanna join." Jin smiled.

"No, I better stay here." She took the packet Namjoon was holding out to her. "Things are a little-"

"My lady!" One of the maids hastily came in, surprising them all. "Your- your father-"

Yemma's eyes widened as she noticed a butler open the front door and more doctors enter and run up the stairs.

Momentarily forgetting about her two guests she ran up the stairs and down the hall to her father's room. It was overcrowded with staff and doctors. Pushing past them a doctor engaging CPR entered her view.

She was pushed back by a nurse encouraging her to give the doctors some room. She was so stunned by the shock that when she let the nurse usher her out of the room she didn't notice that her stepmother was standing by her father's bedside holding an empty teacup.

19<- ->21

[headfulloffantasies]

Miscommunication

Star Trek fic (Alternate Original Series. Word count: 1794)

5+1 misuses of the ship wide communication on the USS Enterprise

1.

“What could go wrong?”

As if summoned by the cursed phrase on the captain’s lips, the shadow of Bones appeared on the bridge. 

He jabbed a finger at Kirk. “You are staying here. You will not being going down there.” The finger jabbed at the lush green planet on the display.

“Why not?” A yeoman with a death wish might have described the captain’s tone as whining.

“Because all the green stuff down there is Feleran rose. You are allergic to Feleran rose.”

“Fine,” Kirk agreed.

Several hours after the landing party came back, Kirk slunk into the med bay. 

“Bones? I got a rash.”

Bones refused to turn around. He stared into the depths of his PADD. “Where?”

“My hands… and back… and ribs.”

“You itchy?”

“Yeah.”

“How’re your eyes and throat?”

“Normal, I guess.”

Bones finally looked up. “Fine. Sit. I will take a look.”

He scraped at Jim’s red raw hands and took the sample over to the computer.

Bones glared at the results. He went deadly still. “Jim. This is Feleran rose.”

He turned around. Jim had vanished. 

Bones calmly pressed the button on the wall to open a ship wide communication. The button screeched with disuse.

“Jim Kirk if I find out you stepped one foot on that planet I will throw you into a supernova myself.”

2. 

There was a party in engineering. The unlucky crew who were scheduled to duty and the unfortunate who had been duped into covering shifts were miserably serving their time. 

On the bridge, Ensign Kelly had the con. She was slouched almost to the floor in the captain’s seat, glaring out into open space. If she ever got her hands on Yeoman Slater she was going to launch him into the void for tricking her into this post.

The ship wide communicator chirped. Kelly jerked to attention. Music and laughter filtered over the speakers.

“Hellloooo Enterprise!” A very drunk voice sang. “This is Lieutenant Luis. I am hereby announcing my romantic engagement to Lieutenant Nelson. Aaaaaand, I am cordially inviting the whole crew to our wedding at the next space dock!”

A loud cheer echoed through the comm. 

“Alright,” a grumpy voice interrupted. “You’ve had enough. We’re all very happy-,”

3. 

Ensign Maddox had been attacked on the surface of a planet. Four hours after being returned to the Enterprise, Bones was finally satisfied with Maddox’s stable condition. The young ensign was awake, but heavily sedated. He would be counting his own fingers for a few hours. 

Bones leaned his head in his hands with the door to his office shut. The kid was so young. Freckled green skinned, red haired little child. They got younger every day. Bones was already planning the booze he’d be drinking to stave off the nightmares of blood on freckled skin.

The ship wide communicator chirped. Bones jumped. 

Heavy breathing rasped on the comm. “This is Ensign Maddox. I am officially resigning my commission on the basis of I want to live to forty! Y’all can keep risking your lives for whatever it is we’re doing out here in the black. Give me a space suit, I’m jumping ship.”

Bones scrambled out of his office. Maddox was leaning half on the wall, still slurring into the communicator. “Starfleet can kiss my space rocks. I’m going to be a farmer.”

Maddox screamed when he saw Bones coming. He scrambled closer to the wall and thus the communicator.

“Help! Help! I’m being attacked!”

“I’m not attacking you, idiot. You’re under the influence of heavy meds. Get your butt back in bed.”

“Oppression!” Maddox yelled into the wall. His feet windmilled.

Bones grabbed his arm before he fell. Into the communicator he said “Can I get a security detail to watch Ensign Maddox while he sleeps off his drugs, please?”

“Oppression!” Maddox shrieked in Bones’ ear. 

“Hurry it up before I go deaf. McCoy out.”

4. 

Replicator 3 was out to get her, Kelly decided. Every time she asked for the spaghetti and garlic toast, replicator 3 used too much garlic. The other replicators didn’t treat her like this.

The ship wide comm chirped. Chatter in the cafeteria slammed to a halt.

“I don’t know, Spock,” the captain’s voice said. “Lately I just want to punch Pike in the face.”

Kelly’s cheeks burned. This was obviously not a conversation the captain meant to broadcast. All around the cafeteria, giggles were being stifled in hands and leering grins were exchanged.

“I was under the impression your relationship with the Admiral was on pleasant terms,” Commander Spock answered.

“It is,” a sigh crackled static shipwide. “It’s just that sometimes he still treats me like a kid. Like I’m still that guy who joined Starfleet on a dare.”

“I don’t mean to misunderstand you, Jim, but you are that person.”

“I know.” Something shuffled, like the captain was rearranging himself. “But I’m more than that now. I’ve earned more respect that that. But sometimes, just for a second, I can see Pike comparing me to my father’s ghost.”

A bang echoed over the speakers. Doctor McCoy’s voice suddenly cut in. “Hey idiot. Pick up your bleeding comm. You’re broadcasting your sob story to the entire ship.”

The captain cursed. “Spock, why didn’t you say anythi-,”

Kelly bit her tongue to keep the giggles in. She looked up and caught Yeoman Tar’s eye. They both lost it.

5. 

Kelly was enjoying some peace and quiet in her quarters when the ship wide comm chirped. She set down the book she was reading on her PADD. 

“-For the fourth time. Is this thing on?” The Scottish melody of the Chief Engineer floated through the ship. “Attention Enterprise. We are experiencing communication errors throughout the ship. Please be advised that faults are causing ship wide communication failures and, er, not failures.” There was a pregnant pause. “The comms may start broadcasting without warning, so, ah, watch what you say, yeah?” The message ended. 

Almost immediately, a ship wide comm chirped. “Ever seen a binary nebula? Most beautiful thing in the whole universe if you ask me. There’s one out by Scorpio IV that’s all red and purple. It looks like a rose opening up. I always thought it would be a real romantic spot-,”

Kelly groaned into her PADD. It was never a dull day on the Enterprise.

Kelly was in the cafeteria cursing Replicator 3 when the next comm flub happened.

“-nothing more than a sprain, Ensign.” Nurse Chapel’s voice flooded the ship. “You’re lucky it wasn’t worse. We have safety protocols for a reason-,” the broadcast ended. 

Kelly exchanged a glance with Lieutenant Nelson. 

“At least it wasn’t personal medical information,” he said.

“It’s just freaky, though. It’s like there are no private conversations today,” Kelly poked at her replicated yogurt with too many chunks. “I feel like I can’t talk to anyone.” She was interrupted by another ship wide comm.

“If you ever need help with this stuff, I’m always willing to show you again-,” A female voice crackled.

Kelly waved her hands. “Like that! That was a private, essential conversation and now the whole ship is going to gossip about it.”

It went like that all day. The ship became haunted. It was eerily quiet in the halls, and in common areas, where no one wanted their private conversations to suddenly become public. Ghostly voices floated through the ship, the echoes of people who were not there.  

Kelly ground her teeth through her bridge shift as she was forced to listen to someone in engineering detail the entire plot of the book Kelly had only just started. If she wasn’t on duty, she would have stuffed her fingers in her ears and sang ‘lalalalala’ until it was over. 

Captain Kirk consulted with Commander Spock and Lieutenant Uhura at her station. Kelly couldn’t hear them over the villain ruining her book, but she noticed Kirk was pushing a lot of buttons and Uhura was letting him. The ship wide broadcast suddenly changed from the engineer’s voice to Kirk’s.

“If anyone besides Scotty can fix this, it’s you.”

“Then let me do it,” Uhura said. Kelly watched her lips move with the broadcast as she swatted the captain’s hands away from her controls. 

“Captain-,” Spock started.

Kirk interrupted, “I’m just trying to help. What if you feed the broadcast back into a single location?” Clearly none of the team had noticed their bridge crew was tipping their heads towards their conversation.

“I tried that,” Uhura fumed. “The only place the system will let me isolate the broadcast to is the bridge.”

Spock tried again to get Kirk’s attention. “Captain,-”

“Hang on Spock.” Kirk addressed Uhura. “So isolate to the bridge. Is that so bad?”

“Do you want to listen to the crew chatter all day while you’re supposed to be commanding a starship?”

Kirk shrugged. “It’s more entertaining than plotting a course to the middle of nowhere.”

Ensign Wells stifled a laugh. Commander Spock locked eyes on him. The Vulcan eyebrow went up. 

“Captain, I believe this conversation is no longer private.”

Kirk straightened up, his shoulders rigid. “Whoops.” 

The whole bridge burst out in muted giggles. 

Kirk turned around and faced his crew with a fake smile plastered on his pretty face. “Ok folks, show’s over. Back to your stations.”

Apparently the isolation of the broadcasts to the bridge had only been a temporary patch. In the middle of Kelly’s sleep shift, she jolted awake to a loud chorus of punk music blaring throughout the ship. Kelly groaned and stuffed her head under her pillow.

A door slammed somewhere near the location of the song. “Gary! Everyone can hear your horrible taste in music!”

It was going to be a long night. 

“Good morning Enterprise,” Scotty’s whimsical accent interrupted Kelly’s breakfast again. “You will all be glad to know that the ship’s communications system has been fixed. The technology responsible has been tried and executed for its crimes. Scotty out.”

+1.

“Good morning Enterprise,” The captain’s voice echoed throughout the ship. “I’d like to take a moment to acknowledge the fact that today is day 1000 of our 5 year mission. We’ve loved and lost over that time. We’ve discovered things no one has ever imagined before. We’ve paved the way for new adventures, new loves and new losses. I’d like to have a moment of silence for those who haven’t made it this far.” 

“Thank you. And now I’d like to play for you a classic Earth song that I think perfectly encapsulates the journey we are on.”

A woman’s sang along to a pumping beat. “I’m all about that bass, ‘bout that bass, no treble-,“ the song abruptly cut out.

“Scotty! I thought you said you fixed it!”

End

[nicolewrites]

heartstrings - iv

hey here’s a reminder that this was supposed to be a one-shot and it’s now 4 parts with part 5 on the way because i wrote too much again.

part i | part ii | part iii

Rating: T Genre: Romance Characters: [Vax’ildan and Keyleth] [Percival de Rolo and Vex’ahlia] Words: 6,990

Kiki @keylethashari has tagged you in a tweet: New Q&A up and we’re talking music! creds to @vexmachina @vaxmachina @burtreynoldsesq @thelumineers and others!! // CR1 Vaxleth+Perc’ahlia YouTuber/Musician/Celebrity AU

AO3

Vax came to feeling a tingling pain in his abdomen. At first, all he could manage was staring at the backs of his eyelids because everything felt heavy and sluggish. After a long moment, he managed to force his eyes open, only to be nearly blinded by bright fluorescent lights. He squinted against them for a moment before his vision adjusted and he was staring at a plain white ceiling.

His limbs felt unreasonably heavy and stiff. He shifted, trying to raise his arm, and he finally looked around. He was wearing a thin, flimsy gown covered by thin, stiff blankets. His left index finger was encased by a plastic tip and there was a rhythmic beeping to his left. Vax also noticed that there was an IV connected into his left wrist.

The shock hit him suddenly as the memories slammed to the forefront of his mind. The dull pain in his stomach throbbed again and Vax jerked his hand to press against his abdomen. The sudden movement was apparently broad enough to awaken the woman dozing in the chair next to his bed.

Vax had hardly noticed Vex before she jolted awake, startled eyes fixating on him as soon as they opened. “Vax!” she gasped. She leaned forward in the plastic hospital chair and touched his arm. “How do you feel?”

Vax swallowed. His throat was uncomfortably dry. “I was shot,” he muttered.

Vex licked her lips, looking unnerved. “Yes,” she agreed. “And it scared the crap out of everyone.” She punched his arm.

“Ow!” he cried, glaring at her as he rubbed his shoulder. “What was that for?”

Vex folded her arms. “Don’t ever scare me like that again.”

The pain in his stomach pulsed again and Vax frowned, leaning back against the pillows. “How long have I been out?”

“All night and,” she paused, checking her phone, “most of today. They brought you into surgery almost immediately when you got here.”

Vax nodded slowly. “Sunday afternoon then, right?”

Vex nodded. “I should call your nurse. They should know you’re awake.”

Just as she stood to leave his side and the room, the door opened. A kind looking woman in scrubs who was likely his nurse stepped into the room, followed by someone that Vax recognized. His heart leapt into his throat as Keyleth followed the nurse in. She looked exhausted and worried, but as beautiful as ever. Her face was clear of make-up and she was wearing a simple sweater and jeans, but she was still radiant.

Her eyes lit up as they made eye contact and her lips curled into a relieved smile. Vax felt his own features twitch into a matching one, but the nurse quickly stepped to his bedside and broke his line of sight with Keyleth.

“Good to see you awake,” the nurse said politely. “How are you feeling?”

Vax shrugged awkwardly. “Okay, all things considered. I guess,” he paused, “I’m not sure how much is me and how much is the drugs.”

The nurse chuckled. “You’re on a fairly low dose, Vax’ildan, don’t worry. I can see about getting you something to eat and finding Dr. Carlisle to check up on you.”

Vex stood from her visitor’s chair. “I’ll handle the food. If he’s alright to have non-hospital food that is.”

The nurse nodded. She turned to look back at Vax. “You’re a very lucky young man. The shot managed to miss all of your vital organs. It did some tissue damage and will take time to recover from, but all things considered, it wasn’t a bad place to take a bullet. He’s free to eat almost anything, but softer foods would be better so not to agitate anything.”

Vex smiled. “Of course.” She looked down at Vax and then across the room at Keyleth who had resorted to standing awkwardly by the door. “I’m sure that Keyleth would be more than happy to keep you company while I go out and pick something up. I’ll let the others know you’re awake too.”

With that, Vex swept out of the room and after several brief moments of assessments, the nurse followed, leaving Vax and Keyleth alone. She hovered by the door, shifting from foot to foot nervously. Vax exhaled slowly and gestured for the chair next to the bed. Keyleth bit her lip, but walked towards it, sinking into the seat Vex had vacated.

“Are you alright?” they asked at the exact same time.

Keyleth’s eyes widened and her lips parted in surprise. “Vax!” she exclaimed. “You were just shot! Why on earth are you asking if I’m alright?”

Vax laughed shortly. “Well, that man had been bothering you before he decided to put a bullet in me. Plus, I did pass out so I don’t know what happened afterwards.”

Keyleth’s expression softened. She took Vax’s hand in both of hers. “Don’t worry. Grog took him down almost immediately and the police were quick to respond. You were the only one who got hurt.”

Vax nodded. “Okay,” he replied slowly. “And,” he made eye contact, “I feel surprisingly okay.”

Keyleth exhaled in relief and squeezed his hand again. “I’m so relieved. You really scared us. I never thought there would be that much blood.” She trailed off, her eyes looking haunted and sad. “I thought we were going to lose you.”

“Didn’t Vex tell you? I’m much too stubborn to die.”

His response drew a tentative smile from her as she relaxed into the situation a bit more. “Regardless, I’m so glad you’re doing alright.”

Vax nodded. “Me too. Though I’ll admit, I have always fantasized about fainting in the arms of a beautiful person.”

Keyleth gave him a short look. “Idiot.”

-

To his complete dismay, it was almost two full weeks before the doctors felt comfortable enough to discharge him. Even then, they scheduled regular checkups and wanted him to go to physical therapy to regain core strength that the injury had destroyed. Vax was just glad to be leaving. Even with constant visits from Vex, Keyleth, and their other friends, he had been getting stir crazy.

Gilmore had offered to drive Vex and Vax back to their apartment from the hospital and Vex was currently wheeling Vax towards the side exit of the hospital. Apparently, somehow the news had leaked that someone big was getting released today, so paparazzi had gathered at the front of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. The staff had graciously allowed the twins to exit through a usually employee only entrance as to avoid such deals while security attempted to control the crowd of reporters.

Once outside, a nurse and Vex helped him stand from the wheelchair. Vax grit his teeth and walked towards the car. Gilmore was already there, holding the door and Vax nodded gratefully to him.

Gilmore pulled away from the hospital very shortly after and they were headed home. Vex and Gilmore struck up a casual conversation and Vax pulled out his phone, unlocking it.

[Vax] headed home, finally

[Keyleth] oh yay!! i’ll come by tomorrow, ok?

[Vax] please do, i think i’ll go crazy otherwise.

[Keyleth] :P

He switched out of the text app and his finger hovered over Twitter. He had avoided the platform for the entirety of his hospital stay and it was morbid curiosity that caused him to open the app now. A news tweet was the first thing to catch his eye.

E! News @enews • 2 hours ago

Half of Youtube pop-folk duo #VoxMachina being released from hospital today after suffering gun-shot wound during fan meet-and-greet two weeks ago.

Vax sighed. He knew that the news would have broken somehow, explaining the crowd of reporters and celebrity watchers, but he was hoping it hadn’t been by a major celebrity news source. He switched to his page and saw several thousand mentions in tweets of people wishing him a swift recovery and thousands of new followers.

He searched up Vex’s username and saw that she had been conspicuously silent for the last two weeks. Her latest tweet was a retweet.

Vex @vexmachina • Aug 14

icymi :/ | Gunshots fired at Vox Machina event, sources report 1 seriously injured - cnn.com

The tweet was attached to a link from the CNN website reporting on the incident. Vax swallowed hard and left Vex’s Twitter. He was left staring at his own newsfeed and his finger drifted towards the compose button. He clicked it.

Vax @vaxmachina • Just Now

Headed home. Privacy for myself, family, and friends is appreciated at this time. #VoxMachina

Vex’s phone chimed as he tweeted and she paused her conversation with Gilmore to check the notification. She turned in her seat and made eye contact with him. “That was tasteful and surprisingly well-done,” she said after finishing reading it.

He shrugged. “Necessary.”

She sighed. “Unfortunately.”

-

True to her word, Keyleth buzzed the apartment at 10 the next morning. Vax let her up and opened the door as she arrived. He was walking with the support of a cane to compensate for his pained abdomen. She slid inside the apartment and immediately linked their arms together so that she could support some of his weight.

Together they walked to the couch where they sat side by side. Keyleth was studying him intently, but before either of them could say anything, Vex swept into the living room. Vax’s head snapped to his sister as she looked between him and Keyleth, assessing the situation.

“Hello Keyleth,” Vex greeted politely after a moment.

“Hi Vex,” Keyleth replied.

Vex’s gaze turned to Vax. “I’m assuming she can babysit you while I’m out?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not a child.”

She folded her arms and raised a perfectly manicured brow. “But at the moment you are something of an invalid, aren’t you?”

Vax scowled, but Vex just winked and strode into the kitchen. Vax and Keyleth sat awkwardly for a long moment. Vex reappeared in the room, now wearing a coat and she headed for the front door. She gave the pair one last look.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” she advised teasingly.

Keyleth flushed bright red and Vax hurled a pillow from the couch at the door, but Vex managed to dodge by ducking out the door, laughing. He sighed and turned to Keyleth. Her cheeks were painted dark pink and she was looking anywhere else in the room except at him. He chuckled and gently touched her arm.

“Kiki, she’s just teasing.”

Keyleth turned back towards him and she bit her lip. “I know.”

They fell back into silence for a moment. Vax inhaled sharply and stood from the couch. Slowly, he made his way across the room to where his guitar sat in its stand. He turned back to the couch, returning to his seat next to Keyleth as she watched him cautiously. He studied her face for a long moment.

He strummed an A flat chord followed by a C minor, a B flat, and an E flat. Her eyes widened marginally and she leaned forward almost unintentionally.

“You’re afraid to need someone, ‘cause you’ve been burned, you’ve been burned, you’ve been burned,” Vax sang quietly.

Keyleth’s breath hitched as she listened to him sing. Vax sang the first verse softly, managing to only stumble on a few of the chords. He made it partway through the chorus before Keyleth’s hands reached for his and stilled them on the guitar. Vax broke off and looked at her. To his surprise, her eyes were filled with tears.

“What is this song?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

“It’s called Temporary Love. Ben Platt, the guy who played Evan Hansen, released his album earlier this year.” Vax inhaled slowly, turning one of his hands to hold hers carefully. “I have to admit it took me most of Friday night after Pike left to figure it out.”

She laughed and wiped her eyes with her free hand. “Vax, why are you so good to me? I pushed you away and you almost died and you’re still here singing to me.”

“Kiki, come on,” he mumbled gently squeezing her hand.

She gently pulled her hand back, letting it rest in her lap. “Well, the song was accurate enough. I’m terrified of love, Vax.”

He shifted, lowering the guitar to the floor before turning back to her. “Keyleth, does this have something to do with your mother?” She inhaled sharply and gave him a confused look. Vax gave a small half-smile in return. “Pike mentioned it, but said I should ask you about it.”

Keyleth let out a slow sigh. “My mother vanished on a work trip. One day everything was great, and the next day she was gone. My father was devastated.” She paused shaking her head. “I’ve never seen anyone that broken before. I missed my mother too, but the way my father reacted was terrifying. The thought of doing that to someone, or,” she made eye contact with him, “someone doing that to me, is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever felt.”

Vax leaned forward, taking both of her hands. “Keyleth, I’m so sorry about your mother. I can’t promise that nothing will ever happen, but I can promise I would never leave you unless there was no choice in the matter.”

She closed her eyes and frowned. “You got shot and you almost died and I was so terrified. I felt like my father in that moment and after I realized how stupid I was being since losing you still hurt anyways, even if I couldn’t let myself,” she paused, unable to finish the sentence.

Vax squeezed her hands. “I’m right here,” he urged gently.

She opened her eyes and he saw a new resolution there. “I’m a mess, Vax. I’m insecure and scared and naive. This won’t be easy.”

He smiled gently. “It’s a damn good thing that I learned some persistence in London then, isn’t it?”

Keyleth smiled and it was like sunlight breaking through the crowds. Vax had half a mind to lean forward and kiss her again when the apartment phone rang insistently. Keyleth jumped, her head whipping to where it sat on the coffee table. Vax rolled his eyes and picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Stringbean! Scanlan and I were wondering if you wanted some company since you’re finally at home and we haven’t seen you in days!” Pike’s voice was cheerful and startling because Vax had definitely been expecting Vex, not Pike and Scanlan.

“I’m, uh,” he paused glancing at Keyleth, “Keyleth’s here,” he said finally.

“Oh!” Pike exclaimed. She said something away from the receiver for a moment. “We can come back later?”

Keyleth was smiling and she shook her head at him. Vax chuckled. “You’re already here, might as well come up. We can see if we can get Vex, Percy, and Grog here later too maybe.”

Vax heard Scanlan laugh in the background. “If we’re getting the whole gang together we ought to hang out at my house there’s much more space.”

“Shut up, Scanlan,” Pike replied. “We’ll be right up, thanks Vax!”

Though he was a bit annoyed at Pike and Scanlan for crashing what could have turned into a romantic moment, he was glad to see their faces as they swept into the apartment armed with cheap takeout and a variety of boardgames. The four of them hung out and laughed and yelled over friendly competitions for several hours before Vax’s phone rung.

He motioned for them to hold his turn, but Keyleth just laughed and snagged one of his cards. He elbowed her and she giggled again.

“This is Vax,” he said into the phone, not even stopping to see who was calling him.

“Hello, Brother, you wouldn’t happen to be with Pike and Scanlan would you?”

He felt his lips twitch into a smile as he juggled the phone and swatted Scanlan’s hand away from stealing another of his cards. “I am, yeah. We’re all at the apartment.”

“Well I’m texting you an address and you all better make your way there: Percy is having everyone over and I’m ordering expensive Indian food.”

Vax grinned. “Sounds great.”

-

Dinner and their evening turned into a giant clusterfuck of shouting and laughing and storytelling amongst the seven of them. Vex, Vax, and Percy traded good memories of England while Pike and Scanlan were roped into telling the story of their meeting which somehow involved much more pudding than made sense. Grog was happy to chime in on that part to make fun of Scanlan. Keyleth revealed that she had met Percy near Whitestone when their publicists had tried to set them up, but that only resulted in Zahra and Kashaw being introduced to each other.

Vax learned more about his friends than he shared, but he felt relaxed and though there was the occasional twinge of pain from his side as one could expect, he was sandwiched between Vex and Keyleth on the couch as they laughed for hours and hours. It was almost weird, the group of friends that had developed, but it felt far more natural than he could have expected even though most of them were completely different genres of YouTubers, or not in the business at all in Percy’s case.

It was almost two in the morning when Percy finally kicked everyone out. Grog immediately headed for the gym despite the odd hour and Pike and Scanlan exchanged an unreadable look before calling an Uber together to Scanlan’s place. Vax gave Pike a curious look, but she just shook her head and wrinkled her nose―they really were just friends.

Vax and Keyleth stood alone on the sidewalk outside Percy’s apartment building, Vex having elected to stay the night with her kind-of-sort-of boyfriend. Keyleth lived nearby and was apparently planning on walking home, but she insisted on waiting with Vax until his Uber arrived. Vax, as always, found himself drawn to watching her.

The city lights combined with the bright full moon bathed her skin and made her glow. She was going on about something or another, but Vax was still distracted by the raw honesty she had shared with him earlier. Finally, when he couldn’t bear his own idleness any longer, he slid his hand into hers and tugged it towards him.

Keyleth’s words stopped flowing abruptly as she turned to him, curious. “Everything alright?” she asked. “You’re not in pain or anything?”

Vax smiled. “I mean I love you so much it hurts but I’m pretty sure that’s not what you meant.”

Instead of panic and fear like he might have expected weeks ago, a shy smile curled up her lips and she squeezed his hand. “Not exactly,” she replied gently.

Vax exhaled slowly and took a leap of faith. He leaned in and Keyleth met him halfway, her hand dropping his so she could rest hers on his face as she kissed him back. The kiss was slow and unhurried, but a familiar warmth curled deeply in Vax’s stomach as he let his arms wind around Keyleth’s waist as he pulled her closer.

She was the one to deepen the kiss, her arms sliding around his neck as she pressed them together even more closely. After a long moment, she pulled back, her breaths deep and heavy. There was a spark in her eyes that made Vax’s ears redden, but Keyleth didn’t step out of his personal space, keeping her arms around him.

“How are you feeling?” she breathed out slowly.

Vax smiled idly. “Fine. A little confused as to why you stopped though.”

Keyleth blushed under his heavy gaze. “I didn’t want to hurt you,” she admitted quietly.

Vax lifted a hand to trace her jawline. “You couldn’t even if you tried.”

Her lips twitched into a small, shy smile. “Your Uber is coming.”

“I’ll cancel it.”

“Vex won’t be expecting you?”

“She’s with Percy. You don’t really think she’s going home tonight, do you?”

“Come home with me?”

“You don’t even need to ask.”

-

The next morning, Vax woke up in a bed that was decidedly not his wearing decidedly less clothes than he would normally. There was a dull throbbing pain from his abdomen and he took several deep breaths to try and soothe his body before he attempted to sit up. He propped himself up against the pillows and studied the room.

In the events of the night before he hadn’t paid much attention to the room, but as he looked around now he was able to appreciate it fully. There were two large windows on one side covered by gauzy curtains that did very little to block out the bright LA sunshine. It was similar to Keyleth’s apartment in that it was decorated with artistic, bohemian decorations and many, many small potted plants and succulents. Her furniture was all the same wood tone and the canopy above her bed was a dark blue cloth peppered with white dots that looked suspiciously like a constellation map.

In looking around, he woke up more fully and was able to smell coffee and what was probably breakfast coming from the other room. He rolled his shoulders and swung his legs off the bed. Locating his pants was fairly simple, but the grey Slayer’s Take shirt he had been wearing was nowhere to be seen. He ignored that fact and made his way out of the bedroom into the rest of the apartment.

All the blinds were open and sunlight streamed in through Keyleth’s many, many windows. Music was playing at a low volume from the kitchen and Vax followed it and the scent of coffee into the kitchen. His first glance of Keyleth stole his breath away.

Her red hair hung around her chin, turning copper from the sunlight and she was shimmying along to the song that was playing. The next thing he realized was that he couldn’t find his shirt in Keyleth’s bedroom because she had taken it and it really wasn’t doing his mind any favours since it barely covered more on her than it did on him. Vax felt his lips curl into a smirk as he crept forward and let his arms encircle her from behind, pulling her back against him.

Keyleth squeaked in surprise, but she relaxed when she realized that it was just Vax. “You are entirely too sneaky for your own good,” she scolded. “Especially for an injured man.”

Vax pressed a kiss to the nape of her neck humming softly. “Injured perhaps only because not only did I wake up alone, but you seem to have stolen something of mine.” His hands drifted to her waist, thumbing at the stolen shirt.

Keyleth turned in his grip so that they were face to face. Her cheeks were completely red and she looked nervous. “You’re okay though?”

Vax smiled. “Of course.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips and finally felt her smile against him. “Are you?”

She hummed. “Best I’ve been in a long time.” She paused, biting her lip. “Thank you,” she murmured. “For not letting me be afraid and for pushing it,” she elaborated after a moment.

Vax laughed softly. “You’ve met me, right? Vex and I, we don’t know when to quit.”

She kissed him gently again, her hands drifting up to his shoulders. “I’m more grateful than you know.”

Vax tipped his head and pressed a kiss to her neck just below her ear. “I think I have some idea,” he teased and Keyleth’s breath hitched.

-

Hours later, Vax finally left Keyleth’s place and made it to his physical therapist’s appointment. After two hours of pain and grueling exercise, he was dismissed and he headed home, desiring a shower. Vex still wasn’t home at the apartment, but Vax didn’t think anything of it―she was likely just with Percy still and it wouldn’t be the first time this had happened.

He showered with only minor difficulty and was on his way to the dedicated office space to fiddle on his guitar when his phone buzzed with a text.

[Shaun] Does Mr Popular have time for a drink tonight?

Vax smiled faintly at the screen before typing out his response.

[Vax] For you? Anytime, anyplace.

[Shaun] Raven’s Rook, 8?

[Vax] I’ll be there.

Gilmore didn’t reply again, but Vax redirected himself to his room to put on clothes decent enough for a meeting and a drink with his close friend. Two hours later, he was calling an Uber to get to the pub.

The place was fairly crowded, but no one seemed to give him a second glance, despite his recent publicity, and he spotted Gilmore at a small table in the back corner. Vax made his way over and sat down across from his old friend. Gilmore glanced up over his pint of what Vax was sure was something local and gave him a wide grin.

“Hello stranger,” Gilmore greeted, his low voice rumbling warmly in his chest.

Vax could still remember when he got horribly flustered whenever Gilmore used to flirt and now it felt incredibly natural. “Shaun,” he greeted.

“How is the recovery going?”

Vax shrugged. “Therapy is a bitch of course, but I have good people looking out for me like you and Vex and Kima and Allura.”

“And Keyleth,” Gilmore added.

Vax blinked and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Gilmore chuckled. “Come on, Vax, you forget that I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of those looks.” Vax bit the inside of his cheek, waiting for Gilmore to continue. Gilmore smiled though this one was slightly more bittersweet. “I won’t say I’m not a little disappointed, but it wasn’t the right time for either of us I don’t think.” Vax’s brow furrowed and Gilmore waved a hand. “Vax’ildan, that girl looks at you like you’re her lifeline and I know the feeling is the same. I’ll be fine.”

Vax sighed. “That doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to care, does it?”

Gilmore chuckled. “I would be horrified if you didn’t.”

Vax traced a finger over a particularly interesting swirl in the wood of the tabletop. “Gilmore, you’ve always been such a good friend to Vex and myself. I don’t know where we would be without you.”

Gilmore sipped his drink. “Probably still making really terrible coffee while pretending that you two didn’t have the kick ass talents you do have.”

Vax chuckled. “So even though you’ve heard all of our songs already, will you still be picking up a copy of our album when it releases?”

“Vox Machina’s debut album? The very same Vox Machina who I pushed to even launch their career?” Gilmore smiled slyly. “I had better be getting an autographed copy in the mail.”

Vax laughed and extended his hand for a handshake. “How about an in-person delivery instead?”

Gilmore firmly shook Vax’s hand. “Sounds agreeable.” He paused once more, giving Vax an appraising look. “Don’t let Keyleth go, alright? I can only have lost to the best and, Vax, she’s the absolute best of you all.”

Vax smiled. “I have no intentions of letting her go, don’t worry.”

-

Vax and Keyleth got dinner at Melora’s on Friday. They had elected to let Uvenda surprise them with their meals, and the food was as delicious as ever. The dinner felt easy and natural and Keyleth held his hand across the table any time he wasn’t using his hands.

“The album release party is coming up, isn’t it?” Keyleth asked as they were waiting for their bill.

Vax nodded. “Saturday night next week at Whitestone’s head office. Are you looking for an invitation?”

She leaned forward and smiled. “Only as a plus one,” she teased.

He chuckled. “Naturally.”

Before he could say anything else, both his and Keyleth’s phones went off in unison. He raised an eyebrow and picked it up. His lockscreen was filled with Twitter notifications and he cringed.

“This can’t be good.”

Keyleth pressed her lips together before glancing around the restaurant. She turned back to him and showed him the screen of her phone.

Keyleth is our Queen @queenkikiashari • 9 minutes ago

SHE’S AT MELORA’S ON A DATE THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Hand-holding has happened, but I can’t get a shot of his face!!

Vax shook his head. “They never quit do they. Come on, I’m sure Uvenda can let us disappear out the back again.”

Keyleth slid her phone into her purse and led the way to the back. Uvenda grumbled something about them taking advantage of her love for Keyleth before she let them slip out the back. Vax had tried to argue for the bill, but Keyleth hadn’t heard a word of it, insisting Uvenda charge her for the full price.

They stepped out into the alley and Vax looked up at the steadily darkening sky. Keyleth slid her hand into his and pulled him forward.

“A little different from the last time we were here, isn’t it?”

Vax smiled. “Yeah, well, last time I had no idea how in love with you I was.” Keyleth blushed and Vax dropped her hand, stepping back. He held up his hands like a camera and framed her against the setting sun. “Give me a moment to capture this moment, will you?”

She shook her head. “You’re silly.”

Vax paused, reaching for his phone. “If it’s okay, I would really love to share this view though.”

Keyleth’s lips parted in surprise, but after a moment she nodded. “If you’re okay with that.”

Vax smiled widely, opening the camera app. “More than okay.”

Keyleth turned so it was her rear profile in shot as she looked up at the sky. She was mostly darkened by the sun, but with the buildings around her and the sky lit up with deep purples and oranges, it was a beautiful shot. He admired it for another moment before he composed his tweet.

Vax @vaxmachina • Just Now

The best view in the house. | at Melora’s Garden

Replies, likes and retweets poured in almost immediately as it wasn’t hard to figure out who was in the photo. His phone buzzed relentlessly and he wanted to ignore it, but it chimed with a text so he paused to open it.

[Vex] very smooth.

[Vax] I like to think so

Keyleth was smiling at him and Vax reached out to tangle their fingers together. “Feeling up for a night of adventure?”

-

By the time the album release party was half over, Vax’s hand was actually starting to hurt from signing so many CD cases. He didn’t even know that many people still bought physical copies of albums. There were people everywhere in the Whitestone office and everyone was dressed to the nines.

Vex had managed to shove him into a navy blue tuxedo that complimented the deep blue dress with the plunging neck she had procured for herself. Zahra and Cassandra had applauded their coordination so Vax had given his sister credit where it was due. She was currently off schmoozing some of Whitestone’s investors, arm linked in Percy’s.

Vox Machina’s cover of Thinking Out Loud was playing through the sound system as people swayed on the makeshift dance floor and Vax leaned against the wall, watching intently. From his position he could see Zahra in a head-turning red dress with Kashaw and another pair that almost surprised him. He knew that it should not have been really surprising, but there was something still a little shocking to see Pike’s head resting atop Scanlan’s shoulder.

Vax presses a knuckle against his lips to hide his smile. With the way that Scanlan was looking at Pike and the fact that Pike had been so kind and supportive of him, Vax wondered if it was time to pull the blindfold off of Pike. His gaze finally skimmed past his friends and he caught sight of Allura dancing with a reluctant Kima, and just on their other side was Keyleth, a glass of champagne clutched in her hand as she chatted politely with some Whitestone executive.

“Boo!” came a voice to his left.

Vax spun, coming face to face with his smirking sister. “Jesus, Vex’ahlia, when did you learn to sneak like that?”

She jabbed her finger against his arm. “I learned from the best.”

He scowled and leaned back against the wall, slightly turned towards her. “Need something, Stubby?”

She shrugged. “Honestly I just wanted to talk to you. We’ve both been so busy,” she said. Vax caught her gaze drifting to where Percy was speaking with Cassandra.

Vax tipped his head. “How is he?”

“Surprisingly better about this whole thing than I am,” she replied carefully.

“How are you?” he asked instead.

Vex turned her eyes back to him. “I would love a glass of champagne, but other than that, I’m doing really well.”

Before Vax could comment on her alcohol craving, she waved him off.

“Don’t worry, I am sticking to water.”

He nodded. “I’m proud of you, Vex.”

Before Vex could reply, Cassandra had materialized in front of the two of them. She was wearing a perfectly tailored suit and her eyes were glinting in excitement. Vax raised an eyebrow and Vex crossed her arms.

“It’s time for you two to give a toast.” Cassandra looked over her shoulder towards the front of the room. She glanced back, a little more tentative. “We also have the equipment if you would like to perform. Of course,” she cast Vax an extra glance, “I understand if you don’t feel up to it.”

Vax shook his head. “We’re here to celebrate our music, right? Might as well give them something of a show right, Stubby?”

Vex rolled her eyes. “I’ve got nothing, so you had better have an idea.”

Vax held out his arm, smirking. “Of course I have one.”

“Then let’s go,” she replied.

Vax guided Vex up to the front of the room, following Cassandra. Cassandra pulled two flutes of bubbling liquid off of a tray and offered them to the twins. Vax accepted his immediately, but Vex hesitated. Cassandra smiled kindly.

“They’re actually both cider since you’re performing, I don’t want to get you too drunk.”

Vex chuckled and accepted the glass. “Brilliant.”

Cassandra smiled in response and reached for her own glass, also picking up a slim metal stirring rod. She clicked the rod against the glass several times and waited for the crowd to come to attention. Finally, a relative silence fell over the room.

Cassandra smiled widely at the crowd. “Good evening everyone! On behalf of Whitestone Records, I would like to thank everyone for being here tonight in support of Vox Machina’s debut album. Now, I’m sure no one wants to hear me talk for hours, so I’ll pass it off to our guests of honour: Vex’ahlia and Vax’ildan.”

Cassandra swept a hand towards the twins and Vax felt the eyes of every person in the room fall upon him. He froze momentarily, a sudden, uncontrollable fear stopping all possible words from leaving his mouth. Fortunately for him, Vex had always been better around crowds. She tugged on their still linked arms and gave the crowd a wide, open smile.

“Thank you to everyone for coming tonight. Vax and I have been working towards this for quite some time now and we’re honoured to see it come to fruition. I want to extend some thanks to Cassandra and the team here at Whitestone for believing we had it in us and for working tirelessly in the studio and the office to ensure that we received only the best,” Vex said, her gaze sweeping across the onlookers.

Vax steeled himself. “To all the supporters we’ve had since the beginning when we were just two kids with a YouTube channel and a dream, we’re grateful. Especially Shaun, Allura, and Kima―none of this would have ever existed without you. To the others who we met along the way, we are stronger with your support and we thank you for all you’ve done for us.” Vax’s eyes found Keyleth in the crowd and she gave him a bright smile. Any remaining nerves vanished entirely.

Vex nudged him. “To Vax, my brother,” she lifted her cider flute, “who’s heart is entirely too big for his chest.”

“And to Vex, my sister,” he replied, “who pushes us all to be better and bolder than ever before.”

“To Vox Machina!” Cassandra cheered, raising her glass in the final toast.

The crowd echoed her sentiment cheering loudly. Vax bumped his glass lightly against Vex’s and took a sip. The room was abuzz with energy and passion and warmth curled in his stomach. All these people were here to celebrate him and Vex’s passion project. A project which he hoped could be the first of many. If he’d ever thought that the side-project YouTube channel that Gilmore had insisted upon would have evolved into this, Vax would have thought himself entirely insane. Instead, he was proud and happier than he’d been in a long, long time.

“Come on, Vax, let’s give these people a show,” Vex said in his ear as she tugged him back to a makeshift stage with two microphones, two stools, and an acoustic guitar on a stand.

Vax instantly picked up the guitar, letting his fingers find the frets and strings like it was the most natural thing in the world. He positioned himself on his stool and glanced at Vex. She was staring at him expectantly and Vax realized that she needed his idea for the song they were going to sing.

“You and Me,” he said to her lowly.

Vex smiled. “Fitting.”

“I thought so.”

Cassandra cleared her throat from nearby, again catching the attention of the crowd. “The album is now live for purchase and I’m happy to present the indomitable Vox Machina!” She swept her arm aside, leaving the gaze of the room to fall upon the twins.

Vax strummed the intro, letting his eyes close and his fingers feel the music completely. They leapt into the song at the same point, harmonizing beautifully.

“You and me were always with each other,” they sang together.

The song was a return to the pop-folk music they’d started on and the music that they really wanted to make. It was simple and fitting. Vex had the main melody, but it was incomplete without Vax’s harmonies. The lyrics told a story that was touching and deeply personal and true to the twins’ relationship.

When they finished, the room burst into applause and Vax grinned widely. He looked around and spotted Keyleth, Percy, Pike, Scanlan, Grog, and the others looking happy and he even caught Keyleth wiping away a stray tear as she beamed at him. Giddy, Vax turned to look at Vex.

She was smiling widely as she looked out over the crowd, but Vax watched as her eyes landed on something in specific. Her smile dropped and the blood drained out of her face. For a moment he was afraid she would collapse, but she just stood up abruptly and painted on a forced smile. He stood next to her, reaching for her arm, but she pulled him into a brief bow before striding away to the edge of the room.

Vax stumbled, awkwardly placing the guitar back in the stand before he followed her quickly. He caught up to her and grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him. The colour had returned to her face and she was looking better already.

“Vex’ahlia, what’s wrong?” he asked concernedly.

She shook her head, exhaling deeply. “It’s nothing. I thought I saw something, but I didn’t. Everything is fine, Vax,” she replied, her tone calculated and even.

Vax furrowed his brow. He didn’t really believe her, but before he could push her on it, something covered his eyes and his vision went dark.

“Guess who!” Keyleth’s cheerful voice rang out.

Vax chuckled and pushed her hands out of the way, pulling her into a hug instead. When he pulled away from Keyleth he saw that Vex was embracing Percy and had taken the appearance of her kind-of-maybe-boyfriend as an excuse to flee from Vax’s scrutiny.

Vax frowned as she slipped away.

[sweatersarecomfyy]

I Can’t Sleep - A Newtina Fanfic

Summary: Newt and Tina can only get a good night’s rest when they are in each-others’s presence

Warnings: Lot’s of cute fluff. Crimes of Grindelwald spoilers.

Word count: 1,500

A/N: First Newtina fanfic. I had a lot of fun writing it. Let me know your thoughts if you wish.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, Tina and Newt were wide awake, neither had a peaceful rest in days. Newt’s thoughts turned to the two-missing people from his life. Leta, although no longer a love interest, was still beloved even in death. His brother was beside himself and he didn’t know how to help. He also worried for Queenie, and Tina. He knew how important they were to each-other. And they were both his friends. Friends were rare for him, and now all of them were in danger. Tina felt guilt and desperation whenever she though of Queenie. All these thoughts coupled with the fact that Grindelwald was now at large deterred them from a healthy sleeping schedule.

Romance was at the back of their minds now, but it was still there, and it occasionally crept into their thoughts amid all the strife and horror, it was a small beacon on happiness and hope they could live for. But as of yet, it was a very small beacon, a beacon that had yet to be discussed.

“How did you sleep?” Tina asked Newt from her place at the counter, stirring her cocoa.

“Alright, I guess.” He replied, rubbing the bags under his eyes. “You?”

“Same as you I guess.” She took a sip of her cocoa. “You ready for work?”

He nodded.

Tina had temporarily come to England to help with the search for Grindelwald, and Newt had graciously offered her a place to stay. They had separate rooms of course. Much to Newt’s delight Tina had accustomed to the numerous animals quite quickly, and Newt didn’t completely hate working for the ministry. Humans, however, were still Newt’s least favorite creature.

Everyday was the same: They went to work, they looked for signs of Grindelwald, they fought off his fanatics in the rare occasion that a riot broke out, they came home exhausted, couldn’t sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat. This day was a particularly exhausting one. Not one, but three riots broke out, which caused them to come home later than usual. Neither one of them had eaten all day.

Tina was the first one to slump onto the couch, upsetting a puffskein that was trying to burrow. She tilted her head back and closed her eyes. “Do we have any food?”

Newt sat next to her and did the same. “I dunno. Merlin I’m exhausted.”

“It’s so nice to finally sit down.” Tina relished the feeling of relaxing all her muscles into the couch, and kicked off her shoes.

It would have been a funny sight to see. The two generally so composed were now splayed out on the slightly beaten up couch.

Newt waved his wand and summoned a couple of pasties from the kitchen. He bit into his and handed the other to Tina. “Here.” He muttered.

“Food.” She ravenously took a bite. Neither of them talked for a bit while the wolfed down the meat-filled crusts. Suddenly Tina started laughing.

It was a glorious sound. Newt turned towards her surprised, a questioning look on his face.

“Three. Three riots. One day.” She kept laughing. Partially due to the fact that her exhausted brain wasn’t processing her emotions correctly.

Not sure what to do Newt started laughing too until they were hopelessly out of breath and crying. Even though the situation wasn’t really that funny they enjoyed the opportunity to actually laugh. It seemed it had been happening less and less lately.

When the laughter died down Tina closed her eyes and her breathing steadily became slower and longer. Her muscles relaxed, and she slumped onto Newt’s shoulder, fast asleep. Not wanting to wake Tina, he summoned a blanket to cover her and stayed where he was, quickly following her into slumber.

The next morning they awoke at the same moment and smiled hazily at each-other before realizing what had happened and simultaneously blushing.

Newt jumped up dizzily “I’ll start, start breakfast.” He dashed to the kitchen.

“I’ll wash up.” She achily got up and set off to shower and change.

They were especially polite to each-other that day, and turned slightly pink and smiled whenever they caught a glance of the other. No one noticed. They had a lot more energy than they had had in a long time.

A couple nights later they were again laying awake, unable to sleep. Tina had tried everything at this point but it seemed like every time she was alone with her thoughts her mind started racing.

There was a knock on her door and Newt poked his head in. “I can’t sleep.” His copper hair was sticking up at an odd angle and his eyes were pointed determinately away from Tina.

She sat up and looked at him and didn’t speak for a moment, not quite daring to suggest the idea that had come to her mind. “You know what Qu- my mom would do when we couldn’t sleep?”

“Chamomile tea?” He guessed, a smile flickering on his face.

“No” She took a breath “we’d get in bed with her and cuddle.”

Newt glanced up at her with a slightly nervous look.

“It’s ok” She patted the bed next to her and shifted over “If you get uncomfortable or don’t want to anymore, you can leave.”

He hovered near the door, but then decidedly walked over and sat on the bed. “You know” He paused. “The night on the couch, the night where we slept on the couch was the best sleep I’ve had in weeks.”

Tina lay back under the covers “Same for me.” She sighed.

He glanced back at her almost surprised, maybe not realizing she was having trouble sleeping too. He lay back on top of the covers making sure he gave Tina enough room.

She gently found his hand on the covers and held it. He squeezed it back just to let her know that it was alright to hold it. And that was it. They fell into the best sleep they had since the couch, arguably even better. They woke up close to each-other with their heads resting on the same pillow, shoulders touching, hands still held, completely calm.

The next night it was Tina who payed a visit to Newt’s room she caught him as he was buttoning up his pajamas.

“I was just about- just about to go to your room.” He stuttered out.

“We’ll take turns.” She smiled at him as they folded back the covers and both got under, enjoying each-other’s warmth. She rolled over and faced him, a blush creeping onto both of their faces.

Tina let out a giggle and then clapped a hand over her mouth. Newt let out a nervous laugh and reached out for her other hand and they intertwined their fingers. Newt’s face grew even more red, he but felt braver. He slid his hand around Tina’s waist and shifted closer together. She touched her forehead to his and they both closed their eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep once again. Of course the next morning they ended up a tangled mess.

Accepting the fact that the only way they could get a full nights sleep was to sleep next to one-another, they continued switching off rooms. They became better friends, and they grew continually more comfortable with each-other.

 “Hey Newt?” Tina whispered, wondering if he was asleep. They were in Tina’s room a couple weeks later.

“Mhh.” He hummed in response, his eyelids flickering.

“Did you know that your name sounds like two animals?” she asked.

His eyes flicked open and he gave her a questioning smile.

She laughed “Newt Salamander.”

He laughed too. “People used to call me that to make fun of me at Hogwarts.”

Her face tinted with red, embarrassed. “I’m sorry.” She covered her face in the blanket.

“It’s alright. I quite liked it. People didn’t realize it wasn’t that big of an insult for me.” He pulled the cover off from her face. “I like salamanders. You know that.”

The corner of her mouth turned up in a half smile and Newt found himself staring at her lips. She noticed and sat there for a minute. Her eyes running up and down his face, taking in every inch, ever freckle, every scar.

“Newt, you’re staring at my mouth.”

“Sorry.” But he still didn’t break his stare.

-“Do you want to kiss me?”

-“Can I kiss you?” They both said simultaneously.

“What?” They spoke at the same time again and then stared wide-eyed at each-other.

After a moment Tina spoke “Yes.” She closed part of the distance between the two of them.

Newt shuffled closer and pressed his lips against hers. Tina’s hands brushed through his red hair, and Newt placed a hand gently on her cheek. They weren’t sure how long it lasted, and neither of them really knew what they were doing, but it was simple and sweet, and they both enjoyed it. When they broke apart they both smiled and snuggled closer, and again fell into a sound sleep.

[livelaughlove143sworld-blog]

I am so proudv#proudmommabm

I love myy 👧 👧 👧 girls. Cherish any moment you get to together. I was thtreated at gun point so i They all had such horrible lice!i had to give chas a treatment all. Not going to leave anyway. But feared for my children who didnt baith. The. The all had headlice so bad i had to use two kits on her(and that hapoened she came from over there to stay the night. My kids power and water was shut off, (but they still had the internet to play the placre s f tation. Kristy sold her food ssmtamps for drugs an cigarettes. Savanah didnt kmlike ne even though they have been together since she was 16. Everything he knows in bed , i taught him when were

Sexualy active(willingly???😭)

I made him into a man. When we first got together, he didnt shower, brush his teat or chang his clithes.  He was to much in hid driver game.

He had the a thing for "resident evil" and " madden"

He sn

Moked weed from the time he was nine. He got a ninth grade education 3x! Wow. Right now he has kidnapped my youngest, chasitie. Be will not give me her addre$ even though the "told"her i know. The mother fucker has abused me long enough. Its time to x

Stand up and face the croud. So 🚺 ladies a gentlemen

Stand up for yiu kids yneed to be patient, loving, ❤ careing, kind and praise them when they do a job well done...dont just sit ther and mak spaghetti and say 'go to your room. And of course she never say your A+ on a paper. . you gjrs(and) boy mean the 🌎 world to me. Do you rember bilki staying the night at kristy' old house? Well savanah was with him you dont do that shit aroud little girls you never talk bad about the other parent!!!that way the stay children and not streesed out children. I went through a lot of abuse to protect chasitie/ so i hope shes ok now.i dont understnd Why all of you my ( haters) ars frinds with my kids on facebook! Please explain...

I await your anzwer

Also who the hell punches 👊 my daughter in the face and DRAG HER BY HER LONG HAIR!Up a flight oc steps! Hmm...i wonder..how did lawna get her wrist broken. I DONT UNDERSTAND why my kids had matressrd on the floor and were locked in their rooms.

No.fitted sheet no pillow cases . Halie and lawna were separated. They got the shit beat out of them when they cried for me.  I went to their fathers work all the time begging to give them back to me! I bought my kids food. They showered at my house because they had no water.  All i wanted was to love and cherish every moment with my children. Then, rumors were spread that i was a crack head and hated them. Do you want to know what happened to me for 5 years? I was constantly raped, malested, drugged, and abused. The only thing good out of that was nanna. She was a 72 year old woman whos own family wouldn't take care of her! She taught me a lot. I was her personal care giver. Even with me being disabled, i took care of that wonderful woman until the day she died in my arms. Her family didnt give a fuck about what i did with her. I had to move back in with them and continue to be raped while his wife was at work. He even came to nannas when i lived there, he had a key 🔑. The one time or so that i would run and hide from him and tell him i had a male friend that i talkted to everyday, they moved new people in to pay their bills and kicked me out with no where to go. Well i found a place not knowing he was going to repeatedly rape and melest and drug me. His wife was in on it too! I had to sleep in the same room they did on a fouton. When he realized i wouldnt let him near me, they found a "wild"21 year old, they Didnt need me anymore. They took my rent money then took me to live with my sister and friends. Iam telling part of my story so my kids will understand where ive been. Then on march 29, 2019 i lost my mother. She suffered to, she wasnt taken care of properly and i know this first hand for the month (November) that i spent with her. Her "care taker" has her ashes and is already get married to another woman, yet, he wouldnt marry my mom? It took 19 years for him to buy her a ring 💍. He was not a "beliver"in medicine so he didnt give my mom the correct dosages to keep her comfortable. He would shut off her oxygen machine and watch her not be able to breath!i turned it back on and gave him a look. My mom suffered from sever dementia so she wouldn't know if or when she took her medicine, and he took advantage of that. One time when her medicine was out , there were 4 boxes (full) of liquid morphine. She only gets one at a time when her meds come in. He would yell, cus, scream , and tell her how stupid she was! Me and him butted heads with the way he treated my mom all those years. She deserved a much better life. She was an independent, loving, caring person who would help anyone she could! She was extremely organized and on a schedule everyday. She put me on one. She had several mini-strokes in her sleep from all the drunken stress he put on her. They slept in seperate bedrooms. They didn't hug, kiss, say "i love you" how was your day, nothing. My mother loved pepsi her whole life( not coffee) when she was in hospice in their living room. He bought coke instead. She would say i dont want this i want pepsi he would say drink it or apple juice. I have yet to see my moms ashes and belongings of mine from childhood. Chasitie was the only one who really knew her. We celebrated Thanksgiving and Christmas there. I have the pictures. I miss my mom! I'm afraid of men 😨. To make things clear, just because my sister does drugs doesn't mean i do, so quit assuming.

Halie, lawna, chas, : i am still "your mommy bomby full of love!" And always will be. So girls, now that you are all teenager's i can finaly explain my story.

Woman & men that go through #abuse. Stand up for yourself!

[12miraenie]

Pieces

Pairing: Minseok x Reader 

Genre: Angst, Fluff 

Warning: Potential trigger for miscarriage? 

Word Count: 5k+ 

Summary: The mirror is not broken, reflections are still as clear as day. It’s just the way you see yourself that’s changed. 

A/N: Compiled up 2 anon’s request, here it is a long one. Proofread was as always...not done. Enjoy! 💕

✾ Link to Masterlist  

“I’ll tell Nurse Ahn to bring in a cup of tea.”

The screeching sound of a chair being pulled back was followed by you hastily standing up and waving your hand to the doctor. Too distressed to think otherwise, you removed your jacket from the hanger along with your scarf and bowed down.

“Thank you but no, Doctor. I want to take some air.”

You avoided his eyes when you bowed once more and went out of his office. You didn’t need to look in his eyes to know what must be in them. Sorry, pity, sympathy. You didn’t want another to look at you like you are a broken piece of toy, the very thing your parents did when you woke up in a hospital bed.

You climbed the stairs to the roof with much difficulty, feeling like every organ was being lacerated by force with each step. There was a sheen of sweat on your forehead, and your hair was in messy strands around your face. Pushing open the iron door, you were greeted by a strong surge of winter wind. It sent shivers down your body, goosebumps were aligned on top your skin. With small steps, you walked over to the ledge and sat down against the railing. Tears spilled out the moment your body came in contact with the cold, hard ground.

Good thing your parents brought you to a private hospital. The floor was quiet, no busy in and outs or conversations buzzing in the hallway like regular hospitals. It was good nobody saw you running down the hall crying, hair in front of your face looking like a mess. 

You shivered again and pulled your scarf tighter around your neck. If your parents saw you like this, they would take turns to scold you about not taking care of your health, especially since you’ve just come out of a big surgery.

It was supposed to be the first good night for you in three months. After the company project you’ve been working on was completed, you finally got the chance to rest, and your parents came to town to stay with you until Minseok’s done his conference in Japan. It was two hours before the scheduled arrival of your parents. You remember grocery shopping and cooking by yourself in the kitchen, and the next second dizziness came crashing down on you, and you struggled to stand all of a sudden. Before you could hold on to something to stable yourself, you had blacked out.

The next time you opened your eyes, a blur of people were around you, running along and pulling your stretcher in the hospital hallway and someone, probably an EMT shouting words. Most were just buzzings to you, but you still picked up a few.

“Pregnant patient with minor head injury…huge blood loss.” 

The passing fluorescent lights above your head was the last thing you remembered seeing before darkness took over and you lost consciousness.

Did the result surprise you? You couldn’t come up with a definite answer, because you knew something was wrong long before. There were sudden fatigues, dizziness, or pain in your stomach region that you couldn’t pinpoint what the exact problem was. Busy with work back then, you blamed in on stress and lack of sleep and didn’t bother paying the doctors a visit. When you woke up in the hospital and talked to Doctor Kim, he opened the report and showed you what you had. 

Severe anemia with iron deficiency.

The chance of miscarriage went up a lot because of your inherent problems, and you remembered his next words clearly, “This complication…is not something to be treated lightly. Because you were found and sent here an hour after the blackout, and the anemia symptoms started showing in the early stage of your pregnancy…Y/N, I think it would be unlikely for you to be pregnant again. I’m sorry.”

You clutched the railings tight in your hands, the coldness seeping into your palm fought off the nauseating feeling in your stomach and the bitterness of the bile coming from the back of your throat. It’s impossible for you to think that you were to blame for your own child’s death. How can you take that in lightly? To think that you killed a life. A baby that belongs to you and Minseok.

Oh god.

Your eyes shut tight like a reflex at the thought of Minseok. The last time you called him was a little before the accident at home, you guessed that he’s probably aware of what happened by now. Your parents are not exactly good secret keepers. You bit your lips as a sharp drop of tear escaped your eyes. You can’t even imagine what the kind of look in his eyes would be. Absolute devastation, probably. And when he learns the truth? When he finally realizes that the reason a your-his child’s gone was because of you? What would he think then?

You buried your face in both hands and sniffled. The cold wind left a stinging sensation when air went up your nostrils and more tears came out of your eyes. You didn’t want to see Minseok now, you are not physically and emotionally prepared.

You can’t even look him in the eyes. 

                                     Freshly showered and dressed in a robe, you snuggled up in two extra thick blankets and leaned your back on soft cushions on the uncomfortable hospital bed. You couldn’t even turn around without hitting the side. On the table next to you was the food your parents bought. They even got the fried shrimp from the food stand in Hongdae that people line up half an hour for. Your parents are not usually keen on breaking the supposedly “strict” rule that you have to eat according to doctor’s orders, they probably did all those to cheer you up.

Flicking the remote, you opened the TV and switched to a random drama. Scooting a bit down to a more comfortable position, you leaned your head on the headboard. An IV was still attached to your right hand, tracing your head up, you focused mindlessly on what you read 9% Normal Saline dripping down in a slow pace on the metal hanger.

You hated it. The needle has never left your hand since you woke up. You hated the hospital smell, the never changing menu of hospital food. You hated the way nurses look at you whenever they come in for check-ups. You hated the way your mom canceled her plans to visit her best friend in Europe and your dad dropping everything at work to stay at the hospital all day long. Every time you told them that you are okay, that whatever happened is in the past, they don’t believe you.

It took you one temper tantrum and two hours of explanations to get your parents to agree to only visit you during visiting hours and go home to sleep. They have been here for 50 or more hours and didn’t get one second of closed eyes. You were mentally drained by the time they said goodbye and closed the door behind them. 

You can’t do it all by yourself.

It reminded you how much you miss Minseok. How much easier things would be if he’s here. Your mind went back to the previous times you were hospitalized. He is always the more thoughtful one, bringing you hot packs, reminding you to eat medicine, and holding your hand when you did blood tests and got injections.  Your heart almost leaped out of your chest when your parents told you that he is on the plane back here, but your thoughts are over the place, and you are not sure if seeing Minseok would be a good idea for now.

Taking a sip of the water, you grimaced at its lukewarm taste. You turned your attention back to the TV and pressed down the remote to change channels again. The drama on screen was a sad one, and sadness wasn’t really something you were looking for at the moment. Turning up the volume, you tried to immerse yourself into a variety show you always loved. But somehow it’s hard to even lift the corner of your lips at the show that still gets you laughing until your stomach hurt.

Maybe the sound of the TV was too loud because when the door to your room was slid open harshly, you didn’t expect to see a panting Minseok with the nurse in attendance hot on his trail.

“Sir, visiting hours are over-“

She stopped talking when she saw you were still up. 

“Hey, Soojin, this is my husband over there. Could you please maybe…give us a few minutes?” 

The nurse you’ve grown to be friends with bit her lips before sighing eventually.

“Ok, ten minutes. It’s already against protocol.”

“Thank you, Soojin.” 

She gave you a soft smile and closed the door behind her.

Minseok was frozen on the spot during the whole interaction between you and Soojin. He stayed motionless, the warm brown cashmere coat was still draped over his arms, the luggage tag still intact on his bag, and he was wearing the exact same clothes he packed for the conference. Minseok fixed his eyes on you. You were not one bit prepared to let him see you like this. Too sudden. 

For a while, you just stared at each other. Him standing near the door and you leaning on pillows with barely enough energy to move. Then all of a sudden you burst into tears.

You were scooped into his arms the next second. Minseok’s hold on you was tight, tight enough to squeeze your ribs into one piece. The hospital gown was extremely flimsy, you shivered when your face came in contact with his coat. But it didn’t matter at all. You relished in his body heat and allowed yourself to finally let your guard down once. Surrounded by Minseok’s familiar scent, you convinced yourself that everything’s better now. Nothing else matters because he is here.

Minseok patted your back in a slow, steady pattern until your full sobs quieted down to bare whimpers. The bed dipped when he sat on the edge, and you felt his hands carefully moving the plastic tubing away before finding yours and intertwined your fingers together. His cold hands against your warm ones, but you’ve never felt better.

“Don’t cry. I’m here now.”  

Minseok’s voice came out deep and raspy, and it only spurred you to clutch onto him tighter. As a matter of fact, Minseok really is your only savior, the only person you can hang on for dear life when everything comes down. He has been right beside you for better or for worse. Somehow at the moment your mind went back to your wedding vows when Minseok held your hand in his and said the words “I do.” while staring at you with enough determination and confidence to turn the sun around. You might be biased, but no one is better than Minseok as a husband.

You pulled away from each other, but Minseok didn’t let go of your hands. It was only then you really took in each other. His normally neatly styled hair was messy, strands falling out in different direction. There seemed to be a tension between his eyebrows, you can’t tell if they are creased or not. You moved your eyes from his bloodshot, slightly puffed eyes to the dark circles, and to his chapped lips that were pursed in a straight line.

“Min…”

You addressed him for the first time, there was a fragile edge to your voice that caused Minseok to frown and look at you concerningly. It was hard enough to say those words yourself already, and Minseok’s stare was making it harder. The thought in your head that you were trying so hard to get rid of resurfaced the second he walked in your room, and even though you tried to convince yourself otherwise, it’s not going anywhere. Not even after probably a thousand repetitions of you didn’t do this. 

It’s not your fault.

“I…I lost our child.”  

Once again, you buried yourself in his warmth as if it helps to keep you warm. But the cold, hard feeling from the bottom of your spine could hardly be ignored, and even you were wrapped in Minseok’s arms with a pool of blankets around you, you can’t help thinking about it. How it is your fault, and you killed your child.

“No.” Putting the finger on your lips, Minseok cut you off and shook his head, “Please don’t do this. Not now. I didn’t wait a whole day in Osaka airport for the first flight back here to listen to you blaming yourself. I’m here now. You haven’t lost me.”

You nodded, his tone believable enough for you to relax and focus on him instead. Minseok took off his coat and shoes and ran a hand through his hair.

“Sleep. It’s already late. I’ll stay here.“

His words triggered the underlying tiredness that took over your body in one second. The next thing you know, your eyes are closing, your brain is shutting down, and soon your head hit the pillow. Vaguely you remembered Minseok pulling up the blankets over your body and making sure you were comfortable.

The last thing you remembered was a kiss on your forehead before everything went black.

                                           “What about that art show? You told me before that you wanted to go there.”

Not hearing a word from you, Minseok looked up from his laptop and frowned. You were staring at the front absently, only paying a sliver of attention on him or whatever he’s been talking about for the past ten minutes. He sighed loudly and shut the lid closed.

“Y/N?”

This time his voice got louder. “Hey, Y/N?”  

You snapped your head up when Minseok called you the third time, returning from your train of thoughts. It worried Minseok quite a lot now, ever since you recovered you would go into these trances and just blankly staring into space and not paying attention to anything. At first, he thought it was just the side effect of the medicine you ate, but as time passed, it has gotten worse. Increasingly Minseok felt that you have been distancing yourself from him, almost like you did it on purpose. He’s confused and a little angry.

He’s been trying everything to make you happy. You smiled less, went out less, and spoke less. You chose to stay behind the closed doors of your bedroom at home, and even if you are out with him, you don’t seem happy. Heck, Minseok can’t even remember the last time you really had a conversation together.

“Ok. You need to tell me what the problem is. I can’t do this on my own.”

You frowned, eyebrows slightly arched as you turned your attention to him and blinked slowly.

“Do what?“

Minseok sighed, exasperated breath leaving his mouth. “Are you serious? Do you not know the problem? I mean, shouldn’t you know the best if you are the one treating your spouse like a stranger?”

You tugged on the corner of your mouth, letting out a huff. “I don’t know what you are talking about, Min.” You shook your head and leaned down to take a sip of your water. This seemed to agitate Minseok more because he became apparently more aggravated, and louder.

“Really? I know you said you wanted space, but it’s been three months already! And I am tired of my wife distancing herself from me? I am your husband for god’s sake! You should be able to tell me everything!”

“It’s not about the...the accident-” You gulped, still unable to say the word out loud. The mug thudded against the table when you tried to make eye contact with him under the dim kitchen light, but Minseok turned away before you could do so.

“See, this is exactly where the problem is. You still can’t face it, Y/N. How can you get over it if you can’t even admit you had a misc-“

“Stop! Ok? Look, I don’t know what’s with you tonight, Min. Trust me. It’s not about that.” Your fingers clicked the table top with each word. You were getting irritated as well. You admit you were different than before, but he shouldn’t have the audacity to accuse you of not paying him enough attention when something as heartbreaking as losing a child happened to you. Not just your body, your emotions too.

“Trust you? Ok, if this isn’t the problem, I don’t know what the fuck is wrong.“ Minseok threw his hands up in the air and huffed. He pushed through his hair and stared at you dead in the eye, “Are you having an affair? Cheating on me?”  

You were already on the brink of losing control, and when he said that you just snapped. 

“You know what? I never thought you were such an attention seeker before. My world doesn’t go around you, ok? So what if I am cheating? Huh?”

You stood up, anger already burning in full scale. “How can you ask me to move on when I lost a baby-our child from my body? Do you even understand that feeling when you wake up and suddenly can’t feel that extra weight, that extra heart beating inside? You don’t fucking understand, Minseok.”

He went silent for a while and took a position of leaning against the counter.

“You could have talked, communicated with me about everything. You should have done all that to get it off your chest. I don’t know what you are so reluctant to do that.” He shook his head in disappointment. 

Blind anger and hurt drowned out your logic at the moment when you blurted out, “If this is what you think, if you can’t even understand me this much, then we shouldn’t be together anymore.”

You turned around abruptly to your bedroom and slammed the door behind you, leaving Minseok standing in the kitchen. Tears flowed out the moment you squeezed your eyes shut and leaned against the door. Your hands were clutching the door handle so tight trying not to let your emotions go to overdrive.

No sound was made from the outside. After taking a few deep breaths and hastily wiping away your tears, you walked to the closet and pulled out a suitcase and started throwing everything in. You had no time to fill half of it before the door burst open, revealing a Minseok in obvious distress, who froze when he saw the suitcase.

All sense of anger was gone in his eyes, and panic took over his features.

“What are you doing?“

A humorless laugh escaped your mouth as you threw another article of clothing in. “Can’t you see? What else is packing for then?“

Minseok reached you in three long strides and took hold of your arm. “No, you are not going anywhere. I won’t let you.”  

His eyes were clouded with frustration, but the panic and anxiety behind his eyes were not exactly concealed in plain sight. His hold on you was strong, but not enough to make you hurt. It almost felt like he’s pleading, holding on to you like he depended on it.

“You can’t leave me like this, Y/N. I can’t-I won’t lose you too.”

Tears that threatened to come out of your eyes didn’t make it before you masked your emotions behind an emotionless face. You shook your arm away from his hold and turned sideways to zip up your suitcase. God it hurt when you looked at him from under your lashes and breathed out, “You can’t do anything if I want to leave, Minseok. You can’t hold me here.”

Minseok dropped his arm and looked down dejectedly. He didn’t look once as you shrugged on a jacket and tugged your suitcase past him into the living room and eventually out of the door.

“Oh god, what have I done?“

                                        Minseok pushed his body up and reached over to his phone reluctantly. His head hurt like hell, and he cursed under his breath when he squinted at the screen. Who the heck calls at 2 in the morning?

His mind got clearer when he recognized the caller ID almost immediately. It belongs to one of your friends, he remembered you telling him that you went to college and took the same history class. He frowned, why would she call him right now?

“Hello?”

He pulled his phone away from his ear immediately. The other end was too loud, hurting his eardrums with what sounded like base and synth music only a nightclub would play. Before he can say anything else, a voice made him sat up instantly.

“Seokie. Minseokie. Why aren’t you here already? They have the best club music here, and the DJ is so hot.” 

A string of giggles and laughs followed suit, and although Minseok can’t help furrow his eyebrows when you mentioned the DJ, he cared more about something else. Like where you are, or what the fuck you are doing in a club.

“What are you do-Just tell me where you are, ok? Are you in a club?” Minseok put his phone closer despite how much his ears hurt from all the noise. You were definitely drunk, slurring all your words and making it hard for him to know what you are talking about.

“Hello? Y/N?”

Minseok threw away his blanket and hurried to put some clothes on.

“Hey! Y/N, are you there?”

After some shufflings on the other end, Minseok was greeted with your friend’s voice. “Minseok? Is it you?”

He had no time for pleasantries and cut straight to the topic, “Where is she? Just give me an address.”

                                         The loud pumping bass made Minseok frown. He has always hated clubs, hated the skyrocketed amount of alcohol people consume there, hated the barely dressed girls who press onto random people, and hated whatever goes on in the hallways or behind doors.

He squeezed through a mountain of people before he could see the bar clearly. Although it was 2 am, people seemed to be having the time of their lives in the club. Minseok saw your friend almost immediately, standing at the end of the bar looking at her phone. As he got closer, he spotted you too. Although you had your head down leaning on the bar counter, he couldn’t have mistaken you for anybody else.

Minseok grabbed your shoulders gently and put an arm around you protectively. Your friend looked up to find him, and a relieved expression took over her features. She shouted over the music, “I’m sorry, she wanted to destress, and I couldn’t stop her, so I had to follow her here to make sure she’s alright. She only drank and never left the bar.”

Minseok nodded curtly when you stirred in his arms. You got up from the bar stool and staggered before turning around and looked him fully in the eye.

“Seokie! You are here!” You said in an artificially high voice, making Minseok frown. It was so obvious that you drank, and by the look of it, you drank more than one shot.

“You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you? How much?” The last question was directed to your friend, who shrugged and tugged her lips.

“I told her to stop after the third one, but I don’t know, she thrashed around. I didn’t want her to cause a scene.“

Minseok put both hands on your shoulder securely, “Come on, you are leaving right now.”

You giggled and snaked your arms around his waist. Pulling him closer, you tiptoed and whispered in his ear, “Come on, Seokie. Dance with me.”

Minseok’s stare only hardened. He removed your arms from him and gave you a stern look.

“No. I’m taking you home.“

Strangely, you stopped protesting on the way out. Minseok made a path in the crowd and had one arm out to shield you from bumping into other people. You shivered from the chilly wind and Minseok shrugged off his jacket to drape it over your shoulders.

He helped you get in and buckled your seatbelt when you stared at him wordlessly, with something unreadable glossed over your eyes. He wasn’t sure if you were conscious enough to know what’s going on, but you didn’t even blink looking at him. You leaned on the passenger seat when Minseok started the engine.

“When was the last time we had fun together? Like real fun? So strange, I can remember you doing the same thing picking me up from a party in college. Whose was it? Chanyeol? Jongin? I can’t remember.” 

You turned your head sideways and looked at Minseok’s side profile. Your cute pout and drunken babblings would have a different effect on him otherwise, but both of his hands were gripping on the steering wheel and no visible emotion was shown on his face. He seemed to be paying full attention to the road, without even casting an eye to you. 

“You are no fun when you are Minseok. I missed Seokie…but it doesn’t matter. When I’m with you, I am happy. Really happy.” You dragged the last word longer on your tongue and pouted. Crossing your arms in front of you, you leaned even closer to him. The seatbelt was straining your actions, and you hissed when it slid across your collarbones roughly. A redlight happened at the same time, Minseok hit the pedal when you fell back to the car seat. 

You giggled and reached one hand over to touch his arm. “Oh, I didn’t know you can be this blunt, Seokie. And rough…but I like it.”

Minseok sighed out loud and grabbed your hand to put it back in your lap. In normal circumstances, he would laugh and roll his eyes at your not so subtle at all flirting, but other things were occupying the entirety of his mind at the moment. Like the fact you turned up in a club utterly wasted, like how you didn’t contact him after leaving for 2 weeks, like what exactly went wrong between you two. 

                                                  You woke up knowing it was the worst morning you’ve ever had in a long time, worse than the time you went out for cocktail tasting with Minseok. Your head felt like it’s been pounded repeatedly by an iron hammer, and your limbs were beyond your body’s control. You groaned at the sunlight hitting your face and turned sideways, unexpectedly hitting something warm. You stiffened and opened one eye, squinting at what’s in front of you. Everything was too bright, but unmistakenly you were inches away from a person. Your eyes widened the moment you tried to piece everything together. Did something happen last night? You tried hard to recall any event from last night, but your mind was of a useless haziness. You jolted up immediately despite how much more your head hurt at the movement. Rubbing your eyes furiously, you tried to process what exactly was going on, before coming face to face with Minseok still lying down on the bed but staring at you with his eyes.

You breathed out loud in relief when you realized it was just Minseok and brushed your hair back. It was hard, not to say awkward, to even maintain eye contact with him after you left that night. You shifted a little further away and leaned your head against the headboard.

“We need to talk.“

Minseok threw the cover off and walked away, leaving his back facing you as he went out of the bedroom. He returned with two tablets and a glass of water, and you took them over gingerly. You gulped down the whole glass hungrily and placed the empty glass on the bedstand.

“Why?”

You didn’t need him to explain further to understand. He was asking you why you left. But how could you tell him? How could you tell him that you can no longer be pregnant? You looked at Minseok once again and took in the sullen look on his face.

He was no better than you in the past two weeks.

You bit down on your lips and took a deep breath, deciding the tell him the truth. He deserves that, more than anyone else.

“It’s not only a miscarriage, Minseok. I…we can never have a baby again.”  

The big moment where Minseok gets all disappointed, angry and slams the door and leave didn’t play out according to your script. He was still in the same position, didn’t even bat an eyelash when you revealed the truth. You frowned, this is not the reaction he should have right now.

“Do you honestly think I don’t know?“ Minseok crossed his arms over his chest and sighed, “Y/N, your parents told me the moment I got to the hospital.”

You were at a loss for words. So he knew it from the beginning. All of your stresses, pent-up frustrations and worries were for nothing?

“I didn’t know you put that little faith in me, Y/N. You really thought I would leave you for that?”

“But…” You know how much he loves kids. From day 1 of your relationship, you knew Minseok is an absolute fan of children. So are you. As you all grew older and got married, Minseok would gush over newborn kids from either your friends or his. You were 100% sure that one day you two would have a little life cradled in your arms too. Not being able to have a kid would devastate Minseok, you were sure of that. He could have a way better life without you now.

“Why me? Why didn’t you leave?”

“I didn’t marry you because of other reasons. I married you because you are you and because you’ve shown me what love can feel like. No other person can do that.”

Minseok sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled you into his arms, tight enough for you to feel every curve of his muscle under his t-shirt. Close enough for you to hear his every heartbeat.

“You are the one, Mrs. Kim. I should have never let you out that door that night, and I’m never letting you go again.”