#ok im sorry i even toned it down on purpose today?? i talked less?? should i just not talk at all then next time?

[yanosdiary]

Ouch.

[callboxkat]

(Un)Broken - part 3

Author’s note: I’m back! It’ll be at least a week before you guys get another part, but have this one for now. :)

Warnings: self deprecation, headache mention, doctor mention, injury mention, food mention

Word count: 1579

Masterpost in the notes!

...

Patton walked into his apartment and quietly shut the door behind him. He slid the lock into place, then leaned back against the door with a soft sigh. He didn’t know why he was upset. He should be happy, shouldn’t he? He’d spent the evening bowling with his friends, after all.

He just kept remembering that moment, when he’d cheered about Logan knocking down those two pins—because Logan had been having a really hard time, and it was the first time they’d hung out together having fun like they had before his injury, and Patton had just been so excited to see him finally hit some pins! Logan, though, had clearly not been nearly as excited. Patton had seen how he rolled his eyes. Probably thinking that Patton was making fun of him. But Patton would never do that—Logan was one of his favorite people in the world!

Patton traipsed over to his sofa and threw himself onto it heavily, facedown on the cushions.

He knew that it was dumb. It was just one little thing, one little eye roll. It just hurt him to think that Logan might have thought poorly of him, even for a second.

He was distracted from his wallowing when his phone chimed its text tone at him. Patton reluctantly rolled partway over, just enough to grab his phone from his pocket and bring it up to his face.

Oh! It was Logan! Patton quickly swiped to open the message. It was a group text, sent out to all of them.

Logan: I greatly enjoyed our excursion to the bowling alley this afternoon. I hope that everyone else had as pleasant of a time as I did.

A second message popped up a minute later.

Logan: My apologies if I somehow lessened anyone’s enjoyment of the evening. I understand that especially while I am still in recovery, I am not the most ‘fun’ person to be around. Thank you for inviting me along.

Patton started furiously typing, but a series of other messages were already flooding in from Joan, Virgil, and Roman, all telling Logan that they’d had fun too, and yelling at him for implying that he’d somehow made the evening any less fun. Patton sent off his own message anyway, and as soon as he did, the notification that Talyn was typing their own response came up. Good. Logan didn’t get to talk bad about himself! Not on their watch!

Several long minutes went by, and then Logan responded.

Logan: Perhaps I misread the situation. Thank you for your assurances. It will not be necessary to ‘march over to my house’, ‘physically fite’ me, or hug me so tight that you ‘wring out the nerdiness’

Logan: Additionally, Virgil, I feel the need to remind you that Patton may decide to physically fight you if you continue to insist that gloominess is your area of expertise.

Patton paused, then scrolled up. He must have missed that message in the barrage of notifications. He found it—Virgil didn’t get to be self-deprecating either!—then scrolled back down to reply.

Patton: I will! I’ll fite both of you if I have to!!!

Virgil: Ok Pat chill, no fighting necessary

Patton: Good!

Roman: We should go bowling again. You all only got a glimpse of my skills.

Roman: (Virgils dont interact)

Virgil’s and Logan’s replies came through simultaneously.

Logan: I do think I would enjoy another such outing.

Virgil: You can’t stop me

The chat devolved into banter after that, mostly between Virgil and Roman. Patton just read the messages as they came through, not replying, until the others had to leave.

…

Monday rolled around all too quickly for Patton’s taste. He didn’t particularly want to get up early today, to go to class—one of them was math, after all—but he supposed there were bright sides. He did also have an art class today, and he would get to see his friends at lunch! He just preferred Tuesdays and Thursdays to the other three days of the school week because he had his actual classes with his friends.

Patton struggled through his morning class, which felt like it was moving at a glacial pace. He felt like he’d been there for so long. But finally, the bell rang; and with immense relief, he traipsed down to the cafeteria to meet his friends.

“I don’t blame you,” Roman said when Patton had finished sharing today’s math class woes. They and Virgil were sitting together, eating lunch in the cafeteria. “When are you ever going to need to know how to calculate a third derivative?”

“Exactly,” Patton sighed, putting his head down on the cafeteria table. “But it’s required, for my major….”

“You—you could always ask Logan for help,” Virgil suggested after a moment. “He’s pretty good at math.”

“Uh, yeah, I sure hope he is,” Roman said, his tone of voice mimicking that of a certain well-known six-second-video. “He’s a math major.”

Patton shook his head, but he did so without lifting it off the table, so it was more like he just rolled it morosely from side to side. “I don’t wanna bother him. He’s still got his concussion thingy to deal with.”

“C’mon, Pat, it couldn’t hurt to ask,” Roman said. “Besides, he could do derivatives in his sleep. Concussion or not.”

Patton just let out a soft, extended whine. If he hadn’t still had his head down on the wooden table, he would have seen Virgil and Roman glance at each other.

He felt a gentle poke on the top of his head. “What’s up?” Virgil asked.

“He’s gonna think I’m dumb,” Patton mumbled.

“Why would he think that?” Roman sounded genuinely confused. Patton could hear Virgil’s chair creaking as he shifted.

“Because he already does,” he heard himself whine. He knew he should just stop talking, but… whoops.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Virgil argued.

At the same time, Roman said, “That’s preposterous!” He normally had a habit of pronouncing it like ‘perpostrous’, which annoyed Logan to no end. He was pretty sure Roman did it on purpose at this point, evidenced by the fact that he said it correctly this time, when Logan wasn’t there.

“Logan knows you’re not dumb,” Virgil continued. “And it’s not like he hasn’t helped you before. What’s up?”

Patton sighed, gathered his willpower, and lifted his head from the table, sitting up. “I… I guess you’re right,” he sighed. He forced his features into a meek smile. “Sorry, kiddos. I’m just tired.”

“That’s okay.” Roman said.

“I mean… I get it,” Virgil said quietly. “Logan’s got stuff to worry about already. But he’s getting better, isn’t he? He’s allowed to drive and use phones and everything again. And it’s—it’s like Ro said, the stuff you’re working on is easy for him. I’m not—I’m not saying it is easy,” he amended quickly, even though Patton hadn’t been offended. “Logan’s just….”

“A huge nerd?” Roman suggested.

“A huge nerd. In a good way. Not being like him doesn’t make someone dumb. And you—” he fixed Patton with such an intense stare that the sophomore actually shrank backwards a bit. “You. Are. Not. Dumb. Nobody thinks you are. Not me, not Roman, not Talyn or Joan… and Logan sure as heck doesn’t think you’re dumb either.”

“But….”

Virgil was clearly running out of steam (that still happened sometimes when he talked a lot, though he was getting better) so Roman jumped in.

“If we’re not allowed to talk bad about ourselves, neither are you.”

Patton looked at them both for a second. Virgil was chewing the corner of his bottom lip and Roman had half a piece of Crofter’s-covered toast forgotten in one hand, but both were looking at him intently.

“O-o-okay. You’re right. I just got a bit silly, I suppose. I don’t like not understanding things.”

“We know,” Roman said. “You could always get someone else to tutor you, but I’m sure Logan’ll help if you ask…. Where is he, anyway?” He frowned slightly, leaning away from the table to look around.

Patton searched the room for a moment too, then glanced at the Mickey Mouse watch on his wrist. Logan should definitely have been here by now, if he were coming.

Virgil briefly chewed his lip a bit more intensely than before, then stopped and opened his mouth. “He—could he be sick?”

Roman sighed. “Probably… I hope he’s okay. Logan never misses class.”

That was true. The first time any of them remembered Logan missing class had been when he’d gone to the hospital after his accident. Logan valued class attendance too highly, and he was religious about hygiene, so he rarely so much as caught a mild cold. Recently, though, things were different.

“Could be another doctor’s appointment,” Patton mused noncommittally.

“I thought he had one on Friday, though,” Virgil pointed out with a frown.

Roman shrugged. “He’s probably fine.” He set down the toast that he seemed to finally remember was in his hand. “I for one am just glad he’s taking care of himself.”

Virgil nodded in agreement. Patton took a sip from his drink and didn’t respond.

“Hey…uh, you’ve got an art class today, right?” Virgil asked, changing the subject.

Patton nodded, brightening. “I sure do!”

“What are you working on?”

Patton turned to grab a little sketchbook from his backpack and opened it up, showing Virgil a few sketches as he talked about his current project. He knew Virgil was trying to distract him. He let him do it.

...

Tag list: @patton-loves-coloring @starryfirefliesbloggo @purplesoul-at-hogwarts  @gaylotusthatexists @quoth-the-sparrow @awesomelissawho @amuthefunperson @faithfreedom @heck-im-lost @gayfandomsaremything @bunny222 @syndianites @astraastro @momolinia @captainswan618 @hamilin-manuel-miranda @goldenkiddos @afilhadehades-blog @virgeofselfdestruction @theresneverenoughfandoms @iris-sanders-athena @super-magical-wizard @rainbow-sides @thefallendog @fanficptsd @zodiac-awesome @lookitsthatquietgirl @nerd-in-space @pearls-of-patton @ab-artist @angered-turtle @im-so-infinitesimal @raygelkitty @dr-gloom @whats-going-on-kiddos @the-dumbster @oh-star-how-the-mighty-fall @fillyourteacup @kittiebrick @youtuberswithalex

[quinintheclouds]

Heyyyyyyyy quin, im gonna rant at you for a bit, because im fucking done with this bullshit!!! So, as of right now, my father's plan is to force me to redo freshman year, wether i want to or not(surprise surprise! i don't) He concluded this after taking one look at my grades from this year(four ds, one two as, two bs. not what i would consider good but thats not the poINT HERE) His exact words were "you are redoing your 9th grade year. its just a question of when." 1/idontfuckingknow

(Gonna paste the rest of your asks here. Tw: suicide mention)

Now, i, having already had a slightly toned-down version of this bloody conversation with my mother, did not have the patience for this shit. The following argument goes aproxxamately as follows,(this is a paraphrased version) beginning with me: "No. No, i already had this fucking conversation, im not redoing a year." "What POSSIBLE ARGUMENT COULD YOU HAVE for me to think so??" silence. "Do you ASPIRE to be a waitress?? Maybe a hairdresser" nothing. It only gets worse frome here. 2/??

"How much EFFORT DID YOU PUT INTO FUCKING THIS UP??" Now, lets stop here for a moment. What the fuck is my father, the man who's jizz became me, trying to pull? Anyway, my response was bewildered at best and full on APPALLED AND ENRAGED at worst: "you think i fucking- what makes you- I PUT EFFOR- THATS THESTUPIDESTSHITVIE EVERFUCKINGHEARD!??!!!! WHAT makes you think i DID IT ON PURPOSE??????" "THIS- *waves my report card in my face, wildly* MAKES ME THINK YOU DID IT ON PURPOSE." 3/4maybe5or6idk

Now, ive been trying, oh have i been trying, to get it through this man's head FOR YEARS, that i would never get bad grades on purpose. That should be a given right??? Anyway, he waves the paper in my face, and i (justly) had tears in my eyes. This is the angriest ive seen my father, which is saying a fucking lot, and hes about 8 inches from me, looking me DEAD IN THE FACE. And I have tears in my eyes. I was terrified, and im pretty sure i looked terrified. But did he care? mmmnotreally! 4/???

Ok, im not sure what else exactly he said(other than, sprinkled in there, that I manipulated my mother[no,] and that i 'couldve not shown up to class and still wouldntve done this bad') but either way, he walked away, saying "You WILL NOt be a sophomore at [my school] next year. we arent doing this again." *john mulaney voice* now, we don't have time to unpack all of that, If my father didn't give a shit about me before, he definitely doesn't now. This just fucking confirms it for me. 5/6

Actually, let me rephrase. He, no, BOTH of my parents don't give a shit about my mental health. They care about my grades because, if they turn out good, this tells them theyve done something right. They only give a shit about me if it benefits them, in that way or otherwise. This is what I've figured out. Honestly, i think im gonna have to tell him that ill fucking kill myself if im forced to redo freshman year. At this point, its the only way to get it through his head. 6/fuckigottadoonemore

And, at this point, im not even sure that if i said that, I'd be lying. In fuCKING conclusion, my parents do not give a shit. They don't give A SHIT, about how much BEING HELD BACK, is gonna FUCKING AFFECT ME, THEY JUST WANT MY GRADES TO BE BETTER SO THEY CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT THEM-FUCKING-SELVES. I'm done now.

_________________________________________________________

Wow, that sounds stressful as all hell... also your parents sound like mine. I can’t stand parents who put blame on their kid for their mental health or struggles. They don’t need the burden of thinking it’s their fault ON TOP OF the burden of actually dealing with that shit! Is it possible to talk to a counselor at school about not wanting to repeat the year? Those grades qualify you to move on, don’t they? I’d be as pissed as you if my dad tried to do that. It’s your education. My parents have screamed at me about grades many a time, and I FEEL your pain. The way they’re acting is unhealthy for you, and I’m so so sorry you have to go through it. Telling you your future has no potential unless you do what they say is manipulative bullshit.

"How much EFFORT DID YOU PUT INTO FUCKING THIS UP??" OH MY GOD if I had an ant for every time my parents said this to me I could make an ant colony strong enough to take over the world. It is NOT okay. Suggesting that your work is a failure in the first place is awful, but adding in that you did it on purpose is a terrible parenting excuse because they think it reflects on them. That shit will mess you up. I still struggle to remember that me having trouble with something doesn’t make it my fault. I used to believe them and blame myself for every break I took. Playing a video game? Could’ve been studying. Reading a book? Should have asked for extra credit. All of that is ridiculous and harmful to any kid or adult. Let’s get one thing clear: it is NOT. YOUR. FAULT. And another: grades are not a measurement of effort, intelligence, or worth. They’re structured poorly and the entire school system desperately needs revamping. Your future is not doomed regardless of your grades.

Your dad saying you “'couldve not shown up to class and still wouldntve done this bad'” is ABHORRENT. Telling you that you not trying at all is better than any efforts you make is just so profoundly fucked up, pardon my French. Also, completely wrong. 

“BOTH of my parents don't give a shit about my mental health. They care about my grades because, if they turn out good, this tells them theyve done something right. They only give a shit about me if it benefits them, in that way or otherwise.“ My parents are the same way. They only care about whether something makes them look good or bad. You are NOT their trophy to show off as though your achievements are their own, and you are NOT some shameful thing for them to treat poorly. You are, always have been, and always will be, your own person. 

I’m gonna use a quote from a show that hits me really hard and I feel that every child of awful parents needs to hear. “I’m... sorry. I’m sorry your parents don’t care enough. You have every right to be angry. But you deserve to be happy.” You have been through so much, and your anger is absolutely justified. And yet, that doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t be happy. You deserve better than anger. You deserve to be happy. “And I hope you can find that... even if it’s not today.”

“Honestly, i think im gonna have to tell him that ill fucking kill myself if im forced to redo freshman year. At this point, its the only way to get it through his head. And, at this point, im not even sure that if i said that, I'd be lying.” I have been there, so I’ll be 100% honest with you. If your parents are anything like mine -- and it sounds like they are -- telling them you’ll kill yourself still won’t get through to them. In fact, it might make them take you even less seriously if they see you using it as leverage. Kids of parents that don’t take mental health seriously often drive themselves further into depression as a cry for help (not by their own fault) that’s perpetuated by never being heard. I got worse and worse (tw suicide ment) and I told my parents I was having suicidal thoughts. They just saw it as lazy and selfish and overreacting. I spiraled deeper. Then, when I made an attempt, my mom was furious, screaming at me and threatening me because I could’ve messed up her gun. “If you really want to be dead, ask me and I’ll gladly do it for you. At least I know how to use a fucking gun right.”

I could go on with the rest of that story, but I’ll sum it up by saying: I got help. I got better. I realized that if they wouldn’t care about me, I would. I knew what I was feeling was real. I knew I needed help if I wanted to survive. And now, I’ve found real happiness and more stability. Mental health issues don’t go away easily, and I know it’s not the same for everyone, but working on them is so worth it. I promise it can get better. People like to think of happiness as a long-term thing, but life will always have its ups and downs... I still have down days. I won’t pretend I don’t still have a lot to work through. But I am, finally, okay. I never knew “okay” could be the default, or how okay life could be. And it’s amazing. Happy happens a lot more now, and depression is smaller and manageable. I know you’re stuck where you are for now, and may not have access to professional help. But please... Please care about yourself, even if your parents don’t. I care about you. You deserve to, too. 

I’ve had so many moments that I felt were the last straw, that I couldn’t handle any more, that I was broken or ruined or doomed, but even then I somehow managed to survive. And I can honestly say I am so, so glad that I did. Please don’t let your parents ruin that for you. It’s not your fault for where you are. And it’s not where you’ll be forever. No matter what happens in this situation, whether it’s repeating the grade or moving on to the next, I believe that you can make it through. You are so fucking strong for making it this far. I know you might not believe me, but try to trust me. You. Deserve. Better. And even if it sucks right now, you absolutely can get there.

[onlyjihoons]

Signal; p.j.h

a/n; ok honestly i was thinking of writing this for a nct member, but uH im sorry samuel after watching the individual fancams of pd101 s2′s performances jihoon has my heart and i can’t seem to stop omg

shoutout to @chipsandwaffles ,, i hope you’ll feel better after winkboi getting your signal heh

based off this song, i highly recommend that you listen to this song before reading this!

Sending you a sign, sending a signal But it won’t go through Giving you a look, trying to make you notice But you don’t get it I’m so frustrated, going crazy I don’t know why this is happening I’ll gather up my strength once more and Send you a sign, send a signal

From some point, I started liking you You fool Why don’t you know my heart? When are you going to stop being so dumb And only treat me as a friend? ‘Cause that’s not what I want 

You sat at your seat, waiting patiently for that someone to arrive.

As if you had telepathic abilities, that said person appeared right before your eyes, shyly sliding open the wooden sliding door to enter the classroom. He bowed slightly, allowing his brown bangs to ghost over his doe-like eyes that captivated you. You blinked furiously, then sending a wink to the young man. He didn’t capture the wink unfortunately, but he happened to look your way and flashed a polite smile to you, before stopping by the teacher’s desk to submit an assignment.

You sunk into your seat in defeat, your attempts at getting your crush’s attention seemed futile at the last try. Oh, and your crush? He was Park Jihoon. The Wink Boy everyone was gushing over, and the boy that over one million people thought was worthy of first place amongst 101 trainees. 

If you had to name your blessings, Jihoon was one of them. You thanked the high heavens when your teacher assigned Jihoon as your table partner, you watched the shy boy grow mature day after day, until today, the infamous wink boy labelled on countless forums. You guys were convenient and close friends, only having each other during boring lessons and dance modules. You had another close friend, Mark, of SM’s boy band NCT. However, he was often absent due to his schedules and trainings, and even if he was in school, he was too busy catching up with school materials to actually catch up with you and Jihoon. But he knew of your crush on Jihoon though, since you were “shooting heart eyes” at his friend. You didn’t actually know when your crush on Jihoon started, it just came by naturally. Mark suggested that you should start sending Jihoon “signals” instead of confessing to him, because that will only jeopardise the friendship. Trust yourself to believe Mr Absolutely Fully Capable, Jihoon wasn’t aware of any of them.

“Have you handed in your assignment?” Jihoon sat down on his allocated seat beside you, “Miss Lee is going to give a F grade for those who hand it in late.”

“Y-yeah I did,” you yawned, “I stayed up late to complete it, Miss Lee would be disappointed in me if i didn’t hand it in too.”

“You must be so tired,” Jihoon shot you a pitying look as he sipped on his banana milk he might’ve bought on the way to school.

“Me?” You pointed to yourself while laughing sarcastically, “I’m pretty sure you’re more tired than me, Mr Wink Boy, especially after all that attention you have been receiving.”

Jihoon blushed at the overused nickname you gave him, “Don’t do that, it’s embarrassing.”

“True, it looked like a bug got into your eye,” You teased.

“When will you let me live, Y/N...” Jihoon sighed.

“When will you notice that I like you...” you muttered under your breath.

“Did you say something?”

“I was just counting the number of days till my next dance evaluation,” You plastered a fake smile on your face, hoping Jihoon believed your lie.

Thankfully, he did, sort of, “I bet you’re roasting me,”

“Am not,”

“Am too,”

“I swear I love you, Park Jihoon. I used up all of my 11 votes on you,” You defended, relieved that you returned to the usual playful banter you two threw at each other.

“You can’t vote for me 11 times, Y/N,” Jihoon chortled.

“I’m using it figuratively, and I voted for you every single time I log in to that damn website.”

“I would quit being friends with you if you don’t vote for me,” Jihoon pointed an accusatory finger at you.

“Fine, since I haven’t voted yet, I’m gonna vote right in front of your eyes,” You huffed, whipping out your mobile phone.

As your finger tapped on his face on the voting page, Jihoon smiled, “I would prefer if you could vote for me like that everytime from now on.”

“Mobile data costs money Park Jihoon, I swear if I burst my data because of you I’m--”

“I was just kidding, Y/N,” Jihoon pinched your cheeks, “and your cheeks are cold, thank goodness I’m here to warm it up.”

You could only stare at Jihoon blankly, and let your heart take over your mind for the rest of the lesson.

Sending you a sign, sending a signal Electric electric electric electric I want you, I want you But why aren’t you reacting? Every time we meet, with all my heart Electric electric electric electric I’m waiting, you can see everything But why don’t you know?

Along with a stream of excited “national producers”, you filed into the recording studio with an indescribable feeling, you didn’t know to feel proud or worried for Jihoon.

It is true that he was placed first in the recent episode, but Produce 101 was always full of surprises, he could be first today, but he could drop out of the top 11 tomorrow. Anyhow, you brushed off your worries as you were assigned a special spot at the less crowded area of the mosh audience area, presumably for the audience the participants invited to the recording, or guest stars. Coincidentally, you were a few steps from Chungha, and she looked as gorgeous as ever. You restrained yourself from getting too close to her lest she felt uncomfortable. 

Within a flash, the trainees put on their group performances, and soon it was Jihoon’s team to perform. You could tell that his team was bound to win, especially with all the high-ranking trainees in the same team. Nonetheless, you had expectations, they were the best after all. You could see Jihoon glancing your way when the camera wasn’t on him, and you mouthed a “fighting” to him to cheer him on. He smiled, sending a finger heart to your direction. It caused the fans who were standing in your area to scream, you were glad no one noticed that it was meant for you. Or not, or maybe. You weren’t sure and you didn’t want to give yourself false hope.

Jihoon’s team performed extraordinarily well, with a few abdominal flashes from Daniel and Samuel(which you thought was rudely inappropriate). Truth to be told you were focusing your attention on Jihoon this whole time and a fuzzy feeling began to swell in your chest.

--

“Park Jihoon!” You called out as soon as you entered the waiting room, and the familiar figure straightened up immediately to your voice and ran towards you.

“Yah, Y/N, thank you so much for coming,” Jihoon hugged you as he sent your heart racing as blood rushed to your cheeks, “I don’t think I would’ve performed as well if you weren’t in the audience.” “I think you will quit being friends with me if I didn’t come,” You giggled nervously.

Jihoon gasped dramatically, “How can you say that, Y/N? I would never--”

“JIHOON HYUNG HAS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!” Samuel teased loudly as he winked at Jihoon, earning a slap from the older trainee.

“Stop spouting nonsense, she’s just my good friend,” Jihoon pulled Samuel’s shirt playfully. You smiled grimly at the thought of how the label ‘best friend’ rolled easily out of Jihoon’s mouth. You really wished that Jihoon would call you his, and you would call him yours. But at the unprecedented rate at how his popularity is growing, you doubt you would even stand a chance to even hold his hand not as platonic friends.

“You were hugging her!” Samuel pointed out, oohs erupting from the boys.

“Yah, you!” Jihoon started chasing Samuel down the hallway, screams and giggles erupting from the overgrown teenagers.

“You know, Jihoon has been smiling at his phone like an idiot nowadays,” Daniel came up behind you.

You felt a pang in your chest, “R--really?”

“Yeah,” Daniel shrugged, “The contact name was ‘my’ something, I can’t seem to remember her name, and oh, the contact picture seemed to look alot like you...”

“Daniel-hyung!” Jihoon panted, “The production team wants to interview you.”

“I’ll tell you when I remember her name, babe,” Daniel winked.

 When Daniel left, Jihoon grasped the sides of your shoulders worriedly, “Did Daniel-hyung say anything bad about me?”

“No he didn’t,” You laughed, as Jihoon relaxed noticeably, “He was just telling me about you smiling to your phone these days...”

Jihoon raised his eyebrows, “Really? I didn’t notice.”

“If you had a girlfriend you could’ve just told me, I’m always able to find out one way or another.” you purposely made the tone of your voice a little hurt, hoping that Jihoon will pick up that signal.

“Oh my god Y/N, I will never not tell you anything,” Jihoon rubbed the small of your back, big eyes piercing your gaze.

“Then why can’t you tell that I like you?!” You lightly shoved Jihoon’s shoulder, eyes widening at your words.

“Y-you like me?”

“I know this is pretty stupid, especially since you’re gonna debut,” You grimaced, “Mark asked me to meet him at SM later, see you at class, friend.” 

You walked away, leaving a stunned Jihoon behind.

If I look at you and smile, you should know I’ve already looked at you and smiled so many times today If I keep talking to you, you should feel it I keep staying by your side

“And you just left?” Mark’s eyes widened, like Jihoon’s when you confessed to him.

“Yeah, what can I do?” you rested your chin on your hands, “I just confessed to the boy that one million girls are crushing over, what should I do?”

“Well, for starters you can just resume daily normal life with Jihoon,” Mark passed you a bottle of water which you gratefully accepted, “Or just cut off all contact with him, which I doubt you will.”

“Wow Mark, that totally helped,” You replied sarcastically, causing the brunette to click his tongue.

“Excuse me,” Mark sheepishly digged his pockets for his vibrating mobile device, and smirked when he saw the caller ID, “Jihoon’s calling, I shall put his call on speaker for the benefit of the two of you.”

“Hello?”

“Mark! Are you with Y/N right now?”Jihoon’s voice laced with worry, unfamiliar to you and Mark.

“No”

“I thought she went to meet you at SM or something,”

“She went to the toilet.”

“Okay, good, I need to tell you something really crazy.”

“What? You ranked last in the recent evaluation?” Mark joked, earning stifled laughter from you.

“I swear you and Y/N never let me live,” You could imagine a frustrated Jihoon running his hand through his hair, “It’s about Y/N.”

“What about Y/N?”

“It’s just,” Jihoon sighed, “she confessed to me earlier on before, and I really don’t know how to react honestly, I’m scared of hurting her feelings.”

“You don’t like her?” Mark raised his eyebrows.

Mark turned off the speaker and you frowned, he began to walk away from you to a quieter place, “You know what, I’m gonna.....”

You sighed, maybe the friendship was meant to be platonic.

If there had to be a bad day, it had to be today.

Your school arranged the day to be catered for the evaluations for the major you are currently in, somewhat like monthly evaluations for trainees in entertainment companies. Generally, all students are required to be present at school, which means that both Mark and Jihoon needed to be in school, even if they had activities.

Normally, you would do well for these kinds of evaluations, but fate decided to deceive you.

“Are you nervous?” Jihoon quipped behind you as you collected your dance attire from your locker.

“Geez, you scared me,” You clutched your heart, “Yeah, I am, I heard the teacher that is going to evaluate us is really strict this month.”

“I know you will do great Y/N,” Jihoon smiled, melting you, “I haven’t seen you do badly in a while.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You laughed, closing your locker shut, “Are you saying that I’m bad at dancing?”

“N-no, it’s just that you rarely flunk evaluations, if you were in Produce 101 you would be in the A rank for sure.” Jihoon trapped you between his arms against the lockers, you winced and blushed at the closeness.

“Don’t do this, we’re in school,” You pushed Jihoon away from yourself, regaining composure, “Why do i sound like we’re a couple? That’s weird.”

“Yeah, its weird how you’re so easily flustered,” Jihoon winked at you, leaving you stunned.

“You did not just wink at me, Park Jihoon,” you jabbed your finger lightly into his chest, “you can’t just flirt with me blatantly like how you hacked the voting system with your damn wink,”

“Stop flirting and get to the dance studio you two,” You heard a jealous voice interrupt your conversation, which belonged to none other than Mark, who smirked, with his arms crossed.

“Mark’s jealous~” You cooed while squeezing the boy’s cheeks.

“You’re up next Y/N,” Mark slapped your hands away, “Get changed quick or they will deduct points.”

“Y/N!” You hear the teacher chirp sarcastically, “It’s been so long!”

“Yes, Miss,” You planted a fake smile on your face, internally rolling your eyes at the smiling tigress before you, “I will do my best.”

“Good, I expect a lot from you Y/N.” the teacher nodded motioning the assistant to play a random music from the speaker.

It was a freestyle evaluation, in which a random song will be played and you are expected to freestyle to the evaluation. Personally, you aren’t a freestyle type of person, you normally follow choreographs quicker than your friends. 

This time, a piece of classical music played, you were stunned for a second on what to do. Your instincts told you to do classical movements, and you did, with a couple of double pirouettes thrown into the piece. Overall, you were quite satisfied with yourself, you managed to keep to the beat and kept within the genre. The teacher smiled at you, probably expressing her positive reaction.

You came out of the dance studio feeling satisfied, hoping that you will get a good mark.

“The results are out, and I must say, I am proud of you guys.” Your instructor beamed, “The evaluating teacher was pretty tough and quite a few of you got distinctions, but, I was shocked to see some of your results.”

Please don’t let it be me. Please.

“Y/N, I expect better from you next time, 61%.” Your teacher gave you a disappointed but sincere smile, which broke your heart. Normally, you would get a high distinction, but this time, you got a merit, maybe it was due to the lack of creativity the teacher wanted to see. You really hated to disappoint the your instructor, it was almost disappointing yourself.

The more you thought about it, the more the tears that welled up in your eyes threatened to fall. Before you know it, tears were spilling out of your eyes uncontrollably and you were sobbing. You hid your face in your hands, and you were sure that the people seating near you could hear you.

Before you could regain your composure, you felt a tap on your shoulder and the tears weren’t helping your vision in deciphering who it was. You followed the person out of the dance studio, and they handed you a piece of tissue.

“Thank you,” You sniffed, dabbing your eyes with the tissue, “I’m fine, I’m--” You blinked, and saw a familiar pair of brown orbs staring at you, “Jihoon?”

“Why are you crying, hmm?” He smiled weakly, “I thought Y/N was strong.”

“Not anymore,” You sniffed again, “I really don’t want you to see me like this.”

“I really don’t want to see you like this either,” Jihoon’s face turned serious which was confusing you to be honest.

“What?”

“I really really like you, Y/N, I want to be there for you be it good or bad, I want to be there when you need me.” Jihoon took your hands in his, staring straight into your eyes.

“Y/N, will you go out with me?” 

You were speechless at this point, your crush, seeing you in your darkest days, asking you out?

“All those signals, I saw them.” He confessed, “I was just too shy to return them back, I was so afraid of sending you the wrong signals too.”

You nodded in understanding, everything was just too overwhelming for you.

“C-can I kiss you?” Jihoon cupped your cheeks gently, you nodded slightly and closed your eyes.

The feeling of his lips on yours, an euphoria that you have never felt in a long time, and also an euphoria that you will never forget.