#ok idk how long i can keep up with the name hashtags

[airctrl]

more silly stupid

ft. me and my pal silly louie mcgoober and unknown ttcc user colorful monkey who i think about often

[cryptidpiss]

don't worry about forgetting your drinks, as long as you're trying that's perfect. besides, i'll make sure you catch up on any hydration.

so what's an ideal full bladder session look like to you? what kind of stuff would you like to try while i'm using your bladder as a plaything? are there any pet names you like being called, in terms of humiliation vs praise? you don't have to spell it all out now, you can take some time to think about it and tell me when you get the chance. no promises, of course, i might decide to be extra mean to your bladder just for fun, but i'd like an idea of your limits, too.

i like for things to end with a wetting shdjdkybk i just hold it and hold it until i can’t hold it any longer ..,, i just like the feeling of a full bladder and pushing myself as much as possible i think either begging to pee and being told no until i wet myself or having to earn permission to pee somehow thats the ideal to me……………. i wanna be leaking before i can pee i wanna start leaking and keep trying to hold it and be a good boy………… maybe they decide to be nice and decide i’ve done a good enough job waiting for permission and allow me to pee……. maybe they just tell me no until i lose control and then i get scolded…… but i only wanna get lightly scolded im too sensitive for actual degradation 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 like the kind of teasing that’s sweet but condescending…….. 

i like to be called a good boy…… and pet :3 i dunno about any other pet names i haven’t thought about it or really been called pet names before . the only thing i can be sure i would dislike is anything that’s infantilizing like baby boy or something cuz i cant do ageplay stuff.. anything that starts sounding like ageplay starts making me uncomfortable ……..

and i love being teased i love getting teased for being needy or desperate or for enjoying being made to do embarrassing things like beg. you don’t even have to tell me to beg though i’ll beg anyway. and… hmm.. how do i describe it.. i like the kind of humiliation where someone makes you admit to enjoying the things theyre teasing you about or like describe things like ummm describe how much you want to touch yourself or something like that except that one im still working on cuz i think it’s hot but then i get so embarrassed i cant even do it. attempting to type out all of this is sooo embarrassing but i like it but its so hArd 😭😭😭😭😭😭 communication kink except when you actually try to say what you want you die of embarrassment

you can be however mean you want though…………. i like the thought of someone being really mean to my poor bladder………. i think the only limits are really like………. i can’t do stuff around other people cuz that makes me feel awkward embarrassed instead of sexy embarrassed. i dont particularly enjoy the do exercises challenges because im lazy and dont wanna do jumping jacks (stretching is ok though but im just like look ive got no muscle ok i cant do a bunch of crunches) and tragically i cant have caffeine cuz my meds (hashtag chronic illness) (although someone told me i should get dandelion tea cuz it doesn’t have caffeine and is a diuretic? but i havent gotten any yet 🤨) oh yeah and i don’t like infantilizing stuff as mentioned earlier i cannot do ageplay 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 but ummm thats about it you can be as mean as you want if i beg and plead and say i can’t hold it you can ignore me and tell me to keep holding it anyway :P unless i literally cant hold it and piss myself. cant really unpiss myself once ive pissed myself. sorry now im just being silly. oh yeah and punishments are also welcome. also stuff like edging and asking permission to cum is allowed thats just up to the other person cuz i know for others omo is like differing levels of sexualness? idk but for me if i have to pee i will have a boner and whoever else can decide if they want to do something with that information depending on their level of comfort idc. and also i like addressing people formally cuz it makes me feel more subby like you know sir or maam or some other gender neural title (usually i would say boss as the gender neutral title but one of my anons is boss now in my mind im like boss is a name now) but thats also up to the other person cuz not everybody likes that so it’s not required (i dont even like being addressed with a title in regular everyday life so i get it) but ok i think thats it i think that’s all

oh wait i also live with people so im kind of limited to wetting in the tub cuz of cleanup and stuff ok NOW thats all

[elytrafemme]

hello!!! this is the same tired annon from before (who also has a bland pallet and sent an ask earlier today)

this might be my last ask sent considering i just got caught up on cough syrup but who knows i might get attached! 

okay so for starters i’m here to say holy crap i love how you write tommy and i keep forgetting to say that! you do him more than justice, you do his character like double justice. (now i’m wondering what double justice would look like in the justice system…. probably lots of paperwork)

next i’m here to say holy moly macaroni you write dream so well. (i just realized i haven’t put !cs before things so i’m doing that now. i’m a bit tired and stuff so whejsmshfjd)  cs!dream gives me the heeby jeebies and i literally wanted to shake cs!ranboo by the shoulders the entire time he was interacting with cs!dream but i was also like hashtag relatable so oh well! you’ve just done the whole dynamic really well! (i know its not much but the fact that cs!dream was planting the ideas of “i’m your only friend/your friends want to hurt you” thoughts into cs!ranboo’s brain was an excellent touch! it was something i’ve learned about in a class about abusers and stuff and how they try and isolate people and yea c!dream did this so idk maybe i’m making a big deal out of nothing but. i thought you wrote it really well! like really well)

can you tell words are not my friend because oh boy they’re not

and of course how could i write this without mentioning cs!fundy! you wrote him so well and i’m intrigued by his character! i also really like how you wrote his dialogue while being all panicked! very nice to see that kind of stuttering written so well!

i also want you to know that, often, i find when you’ve said you feel like you’ve written something not well, you’ve actually done a real suburb job! maybe i’m not the best judge as i’m not much of a writer myself, but i feel like you don’t give yourself enough credit! you’re doing wonderful work here  

and some final notes

-i’m in love with the pets and their inclination of the story! am i biased cause there was a cat sitting on my lap while i read the majority of cough syrup? yea, maybe… but hey i still really have enjoyed the pets!

-loving the trans rep 

-i adore how tubbo will try and prompt ranboo to ramble on things! it’s so sweet and also i think it’s good for each of them in respective ways

-cs!jack manifold (do i need to say more?) (i will say more, i find jack to be perfectly characterized while also being in the background like yess pop off king even thou idk what he’s been up to)

-cs!beeduo are my little queer blorbos and i will hold them dearly till the day i die. here’s to hoping they realize one day how much they mean to each other (poor things think that they have all the issues and then look at the other and go “ah yes a wonderful human being” and honestly mood)

okay sorry for sending such long asks i just wish i could give you more praise (which i will do in following chapter comments i suppose) i was also going to talk about my ideas of house layouts but that’s a bit much, i’m just a fan of house layouts ehajdkjdjskf

but yea thank you for writing it, it’s been amazing to read (i’m also tired again so sleepy time!! good night!)

anon would u like to have a little name to go along w u bc i keep just thinkong of u as tired anon and idk if thats the brand u want /lh /nf

but HIIIII!!!! im so sleepy rn we're gonna get thru this together im like half alive ok ok ok

double justice is just an odd manner of double jeopardy ruled unconstitutional unless you can manuever a case so that you press different charges huh. srry im studying for ap gov rn. and double jeopardy is rly interesting to me. YES but im so glad u like cstommy!!!! hes my guy most specialist guy ever <333

im also glad u like cs!dream-- another thing im working on is not making antagonissts flat and i worry a bit w how ive done cs!schlatt and cs!dream thative failed at that so im always glad to hear what i did good what i can improve etc-- yes the isolation is a big thing w/ cs!dream and a massive thing w abusive relaitnships overall.

thank u and doubly thank u again <33 kind 2 me. im glad u like cs!fundy & yeah i always have weird standards with writing and yk i def pick fave chapters but its always interesting to see ppls thoughts on them

hope ur cat is doing good and yeah admittedly i kind of fucked up how i handled the plot of the pets but i promise at least 1 of them is plot relevant :> also im glad u like the trans rep!! and YES these two are ramblers much love to them <333 csjack WILL be getting more plot involved i have so many plans for him hehee. they are blorbos!!! yes yes

okay gn one of my posts ither got big or ive got a spam liker back in the notifs so im gonna check ont aht write more and sleep gn hope ur well anon

[ofmerrit]

*  ◜  kristine froseth  ,  cis  woman  &  she/her  ◞  *  according  to  school  records  ,  that’s  merrit  antonietta  unn  hornsby  walking  on  campus  grounds  with  their  usual  iced-americano  from  the ancient  grounds  cafe  .  they’re  known  for  their  long  ,  dark  blonde  locks  outshining  their  surprisingly  tall  figure   and  are  often  spotted  at   the  versailles  garden  reading  wild  geese  by  mary  oliver  .  almost  everyone  knows  their  family  is  worth  like  1.2  billion  dollars  ,  so  we  suspect  they’re  a  member  of   olympus   ,  you  know  ,  the  one  for  old   money  .  do  you  know  where  they  were  the  night  that  the  scholarship  student  died  ?  they  claim  they  were  touring  around  the  campus  for  inspiration  ,  must  be  an  architecture major  thing  ,  right  .  and  hey  ,  don’t  you  agree  that  the  sophomore  reminds  you  of  muffled  screams  into  silk  pillows  ,  the  bellyache  you  get  after  doing  something  wrong  &  vacant smiles ?  you  better  watch  out  h e s t i a  before  something  dangerous  happens  to  you  and  life  ends  at  twenty-two  .  *  ◜  barb  ,  twenty-two  ,  gmt +3  &  she / her  ◞  *

alright alright . it’s me , wrinkle free brain bar from gmt +3 !! so pumped to be here w you sexies mwah <3 here’s merrit’s pinterest board if you’re interested ( pls im a virgo n pinterest addict .. lemme make boards for our muses .. id d*e ! ) imma . bore u to de*th w this intro pls .. forgive me .. i only hav 2 brain cells , this is all over the place HDFJK rip </3 tw: kidnapping, death.

starting w the boring statistics :     full name: merrit antonietta ‘antonia’ unn hornsby     nicknames: mer, antonia, ant, tbc.     code name: hestia ; the goddess of hearth , the family , the state & the domesticity.      star sign: libra sun , virgo moon , scorpio rising.     sexuality: bisexual.     favourite literature piece: wild geese by mary oliver ,  an anthology .                                              “meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,                                              are heading home again.                                              whoever you are, no matter how lonely,                                              the world offers itself to your imagination,                                              calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting                                              over and over announcing your place                                              in the family of things.”

merrit is the only child of the young hornsby couple. she doesn’t remember much of her childhood, according to her grandma, she was the happiest kid. had everything she could ever ask for and more. 

the reason why merrit can’t remember any of this is the beginning of a tragedy — a stormy december night, she and her parents went missing. grandma says they were gone for over five months. a kidnapping case gone cold, they thought. right when the old couple was giving up on them, an angel from above delivered antonia to their door step. malnourished, void of any memory but alive.

life after losing her parents was easier than expected, grandma hornsby ( nee du pont ) made sure merrit would recover from this without any trauma & in a way, she did.

doesn’t have the best relationship with her grandpa, he’s harsh and cranky and too smart for his own good, merrit is lowkey afraid of him lmfao 

she’s currently studying architecture — her dream major was interior design but grandpa encouraged her to pursue architecture to follow her father’s footsteps.  kinda made sense because she’s fascinated by houses .. in reality the insides, the families living there are the real source of interest for her but she’s happy to settle for outside for now gshdjkf

personality stuff !!!

uMM.... i’d say she’s lowkey a people pleaser sdhjkf like ?? making her grandparents proud is . literally the only thing she’s ever wanted in this world n now she feels the same responsibility for every single soul in her life . a torturous existence if you ask me 

can’t say no <3  if she thinks its gonna make u feel a tiny bit better . boom . she’s in .

the friend you’d call to bury a body . no questions asked . she’s pickin up the shovel as you speak asdghfjk unless it’s between her grandparents n you, then *michael scott vc* how the turntables.... sdhjfk shes rattin u out instantly rip

LOVES to talk n listen . fills her heart with joy . a blabbermouth . 

an overachiever . doesn’t sleep much, rocks the dark circles 7/24 lmfao works bc doesn’t like the idea of .. wasting life if that makes sense ??

loyal 2 a fault. mostly to olympus. wld do anything to stay in the secret society / establish her place .

extremely gentle n caring . sometimes ?? its just . too much sdjkf like. tone it down <3

likes poetry ,, especially mary oliver n louise glück ! her fav poem is the orange by wendy cope.

i imagine her wearing flowy, tulle dresses with floral embroidery or vintage pieces idk 

has shit ton of plants but struggles to keep them alive rip

!!! im . terrible at explaining her fr i hate it here ok i hav a vision but ??? i cant explain it

safe 2 say shes having difficulty deciding who she’s supposed to be . a part of her wants to be the golden child for her grandparents n the other side .. jst wants to live her life y’know ??? 

UPDATE ! i’ve realised that by hiding her secret, i also unintentionally hid a big portion of her personality and she comes across as the typical, soft & gentle soul. don’t get me wrong, she is indeed gentle and soft but she’s also volatile and deceitful !

connection ideas !!!

childhood friends - except she doesn’t remember any of it. maybe your muse thinks she’s changed. maybe they don’t care. maybe they are no longer friends . idk 

penpals - seriously ???  i imagine her as someone who writes letters jst bc they’re nostalgic n cute ??? cld be fun.

a home - i kno home’s not a person but a feeling but tell that to merrit lmao. this person’s probably the only one in the whole damn world she’d choose over her grandparents. platonic or romantic, doesn’t matter.

betrothed - super old school yikes. nt exactly betrothed either .. maybe her grandma thot it’d be better if these two were in a relationship . maybe they remained as friends . maybe they hated each other . maybe they kept the publicity stunt ( cue 2 merrit begging to keep faking the rel so her grandpa wld be happy )

exes - a classic. ts this is me trying vibes . on good or bad terms . lingering feelings ? yes please .

bad + good influence - again, classic sdhjfk

saw u at the garden but cldn’t say hi bc i’m a dumb binch - basically someone she has a minor, unrequited crush on. probably knows this person through her other friends but she’s too damn timid to take the first step

a friend from labyrinth . ok hear me out . this is a big deal for her bc she’s all in for her society n v opposed to the idea of a second one even existing . wouldn’t say shes openly mean or .. rude to labyrinth members but ?? jst . wants to protect her own , so this would be a v secret friendship .

a project - could say she has some sort of a savior complex . wants to ‘fix’ people up .. toxic much, mer? <3 anyway ashdjk maybe she thinks .. she can change your muse ? i truly dont know. 

ok final one . its juicy . someone who’s suspicious of her . she has a secret n for the obv reason i didn’t talk abt it, your muse’s suspicious n it’s just . hashtag awkward

these r the only connection ideas i have rn my brain said get tht fire exit door im off im so sorry forgive moi bUT im a sucker for angst : ) so theres that 

something inspired by my queen n savior phoebe bridgers or . folklore ?? yeah.

give me noora / william vibes . the ex friends . the dan / blair dynamic . i live for them ok sgdhfjkl

[nvrissa]

hello laid ease and furries ( u know who u are )......hahaha....are u ready for this ? zimzalabim ! my name is xan ( she/her pronouns ) and my laptop has been broken for a good 3 years now i have to use an onscreen keyboard so if u see me typing for 20000 years on discord only to send u a single sentence u know whats up x JSDBJWBJW here is the intro....im really winging this no one call me out for that WOOO....tw: medication, mental health, body image ? perhaps just to be safe <3

ok ! so im not gonna talk too much abt family stuff bc yuno and i are doing the collab of the century here and art takes time people ! JSBDJBWDJW but so u get a good idea...i will write a little abt it lets get it 

so the kwons were two of the biggest faces in hollywood ( and tbh they are still considered icons / hollywood royalty no matter how old they get they stay #Relevant ) think bradgelina ! literally everyone knows who the kwons if u dont u probably live under a rock /: 

their parents are very into the fame thing...so when it came to their kids ( nari and wolfe ) they SUPER pushed the famous life onto them, really expecting both of them to be just as obsessed and enamored by the public. idk if u guys ever say that vid of gigi and bella hadid before they were huge were their mom was pressuring them both to get into modeling and to stay skinny and to be stars etc....it was kinda like that !

so narissa, being the first born, really just internalized that shit...like imagine being told ever since u were a baby that fame and status and ur last name are wildly important and not being able to remember a time when u werent being watched by cameras / a third party ( the public ) bc that was her life ! nari has....no experience as to what life is like without cameras and without having to create this image of herself that ppl are gonna be into 

obviously that’s NOT normal....and it had it’s toll on her /: as a kid she grew up so fast like u know those kids that seem so mature and wise for their age ? that was nari. she always had two versions of herself: inside nari vs outside nari. she was so good at being good just bc she knew what stuff to express and what stuff to keep inside ( spoiler alert: most of it was kept in x )  

she is still very much desperate to please her parents despite it all /: i feel like for a long time she kinda excepted and agreed that fame is everything ( hence why shes known for using her last name to get her places ) but shes starting to realize just how FUCKED it all is and just how much it’s messed her up so stay tuned for more fun !

ok so career stuff ! nari started off as a child model bc she was um super cute and super good at knowing what to do / not freaking out in front of cameras <3 but she was always obsessed with actors ! she used to sit in front of the tv for hours legit study and memorize ppls mannerisms and various movie lines.. she was literally always just quoting random lines / imitating various actors so often her parents were like ok word go act !    

she landed her first role at 12 and it was a pretty huge role as a lead chara in a mini television series that revolved around a cast of kids ( think stranger things but not plot wise just how some of the mains were kids ) with zero acting experience before hand ... so it was pretty clear to the media nari got the spot bc she was a kwon ! there was a bunch of controversy around the show before it came out but once it was released...there was no denying nari had talent

after that it was just a whirlwind of acting doors opening up for her. everyone wanted nari bc of her last name and all the attention that came from it, not to mention every director wanted to be The One that helped narissa kwon become one of the most famous actresses of the 21st century. most of the time she was getting cast for selfish reasons but nari never realized it /: she was just happy to be acting bc it really was like therapy for her to become different ppl

flash forward to age 15 when narissa was finally diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and was prescribed meds to help ! it was actually a director from a movie she was working on that suggested to her parents nari might be struggling after witnessing her have a panic attack on set. not wanting a scandal, her parents agreed it was best to get her “help” which included pills and weekly therapy ! 

so nari actually didnt mind it too much tbh she HAD been struggling for a while she just assumed her anxiety was normal and just like something all famous ppl were dealing with but that wasnt the case. she was hesitant to open up to her therapist just bc she was still obsessed with this idea of inside nari vs outside nari, and she was very scared to cross that line so it took....years of sessions to build up that trust

as she got older though and as she got more famous, everyone just assumed she was better. she was more famous and loved by the day, she had become a chanel ambassador ( thank u jennie x ), her interviews on youtube always brought in record views, she’d started in plenty of movies critics agreed would become cult classics, her social medias were nearing kardashian level in terms of followers: everything was on track....

....except nari had actually never been more unstable. she had become so dependent on her meds she couldnt go anywhere or talk to anyone without popping a few in. all the watching eyes were starting to make her paranoid, not to mention the pressure from her parents ( who couldn’t be happier with nari being so famous ) was at its all time high. she had been nominated for an oscar at 21 and everyone was expecting her to win...and then she didnt

narissa kwon famously fainted at the 2018 oscars after it was announced she had lost the award. her actual fainting wasnt caught on camera or televised, but it WAS witnessed by some of the most relevant names and faces in hollywood who were in that room. the scandal took the media by storm, the hashtag #getwellnarissa trending for over 42 hours until a statement was released she had fainted bc of dehydration and other undisclosed causes and that she was okay & currently taking it easy at home surrounded by family 

in reality it was the abuse of her medication as well as all the stress, but when your last name is kwon manipulating the press is as simple as making the right phone call. unfortunately for nari and her parents, the article about the brat pack came out a week later, and there was no manipulating that source /:

for narissa, it was all a wake up call. she decided to go off her anxiety meds altogether. after falling out with the brat pack she spent that year trying to figure out who she was separate from her fame and her last name. despite some offers from a few casting directors ( surprisingly some people still wanted her despite the scandals bc she was still a kwon, after all ) narissa rejected every role except one in a coming of age indie movie that explores womanhood and mental health as well as strained relationships with mothers. the movie is set to release sometime mid august hehe (~:

she agreed to come to milan to reunite with the brat pack bc she’s still searching for herself ! nari figures the people who quite literally grew up with her might give her some answers......not to mention there is still a part of her who is desperate to reclaim the image and status she had before everything fell apart </3    

PERSONALITY/TIDBITS

narissa is....complicated to say the least. growing up in front of the cameras and in a family who prioritized fame and outside opinions of you as the most important thing, she is quite literally desperate for praise and approval. because she legit has no idea what parts of her are real and what parts of her she’s created for her public persona, she often looks for understanding in others!! shes very very good at analyzing people and understanding people in the hopes that its gonna make her better at analyzing herself, but to no avail. 

libra sun capricorn moon !! THIS is super accurate and telling if u wanna read but i kinda just summarized it in the last bullet

she is such a perfectionist with everything she does and a bit of a control freak in the sense that if she’s not the one doing something, she doesnt have faith whatever that is will be able to live up to her unrealistic standards. directors are often concerted with nari bc whenever she gets big roles.....she is so hard on herself, often asking for take after take bc she monitors every little thing abt her expression or her movements. she’s often left frustrated and disappointed with herself bc again, her standards are SUPER unrealistic ):

she’s relatively sweet!! growing up with the brat pack they probably knew her as the life of the party, very bubbly, confident, and very easy to have fun with as long as you’re being tolerable. however, she can get kind of opinionated at times so it’s very hard for you to gain her trust and respect back if you lose it. she’s also prone to random mood swings / periods of isolation, but whenever she returns its with a big smile and a soft voice assuring you everything is okay 

very good at lying and deceiving ppl but she hardly ever does it on purpose ( unless her publicists asks her too ). she’s carried this persona / public image of herself curated for consumption from others for so long, sometimes she has no idea when she’s being sincere or if she’s just convincing herself she’s being sincere. most of the time she only deceives other people about herself. she can come across as kind of elusive because of this ( think daisy from gatsby’s perspective ) but it’s not on purpose. she just legit has no true sense of self isnt that sexy?

speaking of sex. JWDBJWBDJWBD she also uses that as a coping mechanism / a weird affirmation that yes, she IS wanted by others and yes she IS seen as someone beautiful and that she IS something to be consumed by others ( like i said in my tags....male fantasies male fantasies ) but then at the same time she feels guilty abt this and so unsatisfied and disgusted at how she’s living her life as an object / manifestation of other people’s projections rather than as a normal person...rip </3 its a cycle

ever since her relationship with micah that was so hated by the public it actually ruined and ended their relationship, nari has been too scared to publicly have a relationship again. the media seems to love seeing her on casual dates with other stars, but not to see her tied down to one person, as that kind of “damages” this super accessible persona she’s put out ( think idols and why they cant date )  

she loves poetry, french music, all of marilyn monroe and audrey hepburn’s movies, nonfiction essays abt womanhood and identity, anything chanel, is particularly fond of silk dresses but is partial to velvet as well, wears lacy bralettes under everything bc it makes her a little more confident, actually prefers large parties to small ones because small gatherings are more personal therefore give her more anxiety, would only eat fruit and drink champagne if she could live like that, doesn’t know how to swim so she’s scared of the ocean as well as the dark, used to study ballet as a kid and misses it terribly, doesn’t know how to drive and isn’t planning to learn, can be materialistic at times, is probably an introvert masquerading as an extrovert for 22 years now, the only movies she cant stand are westerns, loves to travel but is scared of flying, doesn’t drink coffee, and is allergic to nuts. 

last but most important fact about narissa is that she loves her brother wolfe more than anything in this world so messing with him is the only way nari is bound to 100% hate you. she can bully him all she wants ( ex. starting very real rumors he IS in fact a furry ) but no one else is aloud to actually be mean to him or she will kill you

also very random but i had a hc that when she was 6 and her pet cat jinx died she caused enough fuss at home her parents actually made it a national holiday in about thirteen different states. the anniversary of this death is december 4th and yes . the brat pack better mourn jinx with nari every year......

pls spare plots im sorry this is so long.....JBDJBWJDBWJBWDJBJ i promise it will be worth it also im sensitive and very small ... how can u say no ? 

[impala-dreamer]

Just curious, do you and Kelly have a special tag like you and Ashley do? Don't get me wrong, no one can replace Ashley(I fucking love her); but I think you and Kelly should have one. I'm not the greatest at thinking up names or else I would give it try. P.S. I'm sorry someone stole yours and Kelly's The Chosen. Also, I don't think you two are bullies. At all.

umm... we don’t really have a hashtag, no. we couldn’t come up with a good one. Kelly uses “big sis beka” i think, and i usually do “kellyneedsahashtag” but we don’t really have a ship name. lol. Bekelly? Kebeka? Idk. I got nothing. 

also it’s like 50/50 that i remember to tag shit anymore. if it’s not staring at me in the face “HEY PUT A HASHTAG” i prob won’t. like this- i don’t have xkit at work so this isn’t getting tagged. bc I dont care. lol

prob should come up with a tag... idk.... hmm. Idk. ashley came up with beksley. she’s just far more clever with the names. hey look at me rambling in this answer. i wonder how long i can do this for.

That’s really dumb because I could literally just sit here and type forever.like, what’s stopping me? i mean, I am at work and I’ve been doing these gdamn invoices since monday and it should have taken me like 20 mins but i’ve managed to stretch it out this long so like why rush? also i need to do the january recs and taxes but honestly, i just can’t stare at tiny numbers right now. do you have any idea how hard it is to do accounting work when you can barely see? like... not easy. also i’m not really in the mood. but i do have to do it before the 10th. that sucks. what’s today? ok, i have a few days. i’ll do it friday probably. Fridays are good days because I treat myself to dunkin donuts every Friday and get a giant freakin iced caramel latte and a choc chip muffin and just munch all day. that’s basically all i eat. which sounds bad, but compared to not eating anything? like, go for the muffin. how am i so fat if i dont’ fucking eat anymore? that’s fun. 

there are so many red squiggle lines staring at me right now. hey! you not spelling good! you’re a fucking writer! nah, sorry. don’t care. you know what really annoys me? every time I send an email, the thing says “are you sure? you spelled this wrong-” and it’s my fucking name. Like, thanks dude, I know how to spell my name. it’s been spelled like for 35 years. Holy shit imma be 35 this year. that’s crazy pants. Like, wow. that’s a milestone age, dude. i’m fucking old as shit. dude, i freakin- jokingly told bill i wanted a birthdya party this year. a bowling birthday party and i think he’s gonna actually do it. like a kid’s bday, but adults only. and i was like “that’s fine and all, but if no kids are coming, we should do it like... laser bowling with booze” who knows. prob not gonna happen anyway. i don’t really want a party. that means people and talking and gross. 

jesus fuck, how many times do i have to tell pandora I don’t like dave matthews?? come on man, i thought i trained you better than this. yeah, i SHOULD like dave matthews, but I don’t ok? get off my back about it and keep him off my gdamn playlists. shit, man. he’s ugh. idky i don’t like him i just dont. stop. 

are we done yet? i don’t even know how this started anymore. here’s a gif

[mixyns]

tagged by nini (@tanqram) to share the story of how i biased yanjun!

before i start, i want to say THANK YOU ♡ to nini ! i’m really, really glad i did this ! — it reminded me of all the moments that made me fall for yanjun, and gave me the freedom to address even the littlest details that i’ve come to learn & love about him :’) 

Idol Producer Era

to be completely honest, looking back on when i first started watching idol producer, i would have never ever ever expected yanjun to become my bias. but alas... he not only became my bias, but skyrocketed up my entire bias list and became my ultimate bias. 

i distinctly remember that the first video i watched of yanjun was his Upward! Challenge, and my first impressions were:

cute taiwanese accent

beanie man

the guy who told a cold joke instead of using the allotted time to promote himself (reflecting on this, it was actually a very tactful way of promoting himself because it made him memorable ! moreover, cold jokes are such a large part of yanjun, so he was really just being himself :’> )

this video was enough to leave an impression of yanjun on me from the beginning, but it wasn’t enough for me to remember his name. i also didn’t watch his introduction video until waaay after i was into the show, when i really started noticing him. so at this point in my mind, he was really just the ‘cute taiwanese boy with the beanie’. 

it’s such a shame that i didn’t notice yanjun all that much in the beginning. perhaps this was because of the lack of screen time he had, but because i didn’t see ‘cute taiwanese boy with the beanie’ again that much in the first few episodes of IP, he was quickly pushed back into the corner of my mind by the many many other trainees on the show. 

then came the first evaluation in episode 4, and yanjun was in codename contra team a. when yanjun introduced himself on stage, he kept it super brief and cool, only saying, “hello everyone, i’m rapper lin yanjun” and i thought, woah what a stoic guy...giving off such a strong aura despite such a quick and short introduction...and what enhanced his ‘高冷’ aura was of course his handsome face. i feel like the vibe he gave off here (cold yanjun) was so different than the vibe he gave off in the Upward! challenge (soft yanjun), that i literally didnt even acknowledge that this man in codename contra was the same ‘cute taiwanese boy with the beanie’. so i thought i was basically watching a new trainee that i havent noticed before. when the voting results came out for the members, yanjun had suuuch a high number of votes that i was like woooow this guy is really popular, and no wonder, because he’s so handsome :0 its all visuals man. boy was i wrong

i continued to watch the rest of the team evaluations, and yanjun basically didn’t pop back up again until AI NI TEAM in ep 7. and boy oh boy was my world turned upside down. 

if i remember correctly, i watched the clip of the ai ni performance video on youtube before i watched the full episode 7 on iqiyi, and let me just say that tHE MOMENT YANJUN STARTED HARMONIZING TO JEFFERY AND DINGHAO’S FIRST LINES, I WAS JUST LIKE. WHO. IS. THAT MAN. and WHY HAVE I NOT NOTICED HIM BEFORE???? (clearly, yanjun’s image changed so much that i could not link him back to the same rapper guy in codename contra, nor his upward challenge video) and then yanjun’s first line in ai ni just threw me out of the window and like i was sQUEALING the entire time. i’m rewatching it as i am writing this and I still get the butterflies in my stomach....because the concept is so fluffy and cute and i am weak to vocal yanjun. the whole time i was just asking myself who yanjun was, and his voice suited the song so much and i was just practically melting the whole time. (i still am every time i rewatch this performance tbh)

thanks to the ai ni performance, the rest of my idol producer journey was basically a scavenger hunt for every single yanjun moment i could find. i went to finally watch the entire ep 7, and found out how dorky and funny and playful yanjun really is during the training clips of ai ni team, went back to watch his introduction video, and like scrambled to find him in the first evaluation, where I finally realized that THIS IS THE SAME RAPPER MAN IN CODENAME CONTRA, AND HE’S THE CUTE TAIWANESE BEANIE GUY. i basically had an epiphany and was like WOW cute beanie guy is now my BIAS. 

so after ep 7 was when i REALLY really really really REALLY focused on yanjun. i was sososososo happy he and nongnong were both placed in firewalking, 1. bc it was my fave song from the concept song demos, and 2. he and nongnong are so compatible and i love seeing them together.

in ep 9, a really memorable clip was when dinghao was feeling down and the rest of the banana boys sat down with him to talk it out and comfort him. here, a lot of yanjun’s individual commentary was shown and i think this was when i first started to learn about his mature side that was really genuine, reflective, and empathetic to others. around this time was also when i watched the videos of yanjun reading fan letters, and i found how the fans and him communicated with each other was so cute, and how he smiled and laughed as he read the letters was so endearing.... it really showed how much he loved his fans, and how he thought about showing more of himself through the show. theres one part in the video where the fan wrote, “i wish you to fight for more screen time so more people can know about you!” and yanjun just laughed and replied, “omg sorry...i really don’t know how to...*nervously laughs* ok-no-nvm-i WILL TRY MY BEST” and IDK WHY but my heart kinda broke at this moment because i could relate???? like, he obviously wanted to try his best and have more screen time so more people would notice him, but at the same time he’s really not the type to show off, but rather, he’s the type to quietly work hard by himself to be acknowledged, and akrjhgkjhgjkhjjh i kinda had a moment of reflection that i didn’t notice him much in the beginning either because of the lack of screen time, so ;___; this moment really made me realize how he’s always quietly working hard and will show his efforts and thoughts in a more hidden and private manner, but once his efforts reach you, it’ll impact you so much stronger than if he went and announced his efforts publicly. (did this even make sense... do u know what i mean dkjhkhg)

fast forward to it’s okay - i’m still sosoossooso happy yanjun got to be the center. i think it definitely contributed to him rising in ranking and finally placing #5, which no one expected. i’ll never forget the moment he bent down on his knees and kissed the stage, it was really a life changing moment for him. 

Post Idol Producer

after IP ended and yanjun finally becoming a confirmed member, i wanted to keep up with his and 9%’s activities so i started a tumblr. hmmmm... this was when i started actively stalking following yanjun on weibo, and found quirks about him through his posts, and through other fans’ posts about him. for example, he always keeps the messages in his posts short, will express his thoughts in hashtags (much like tumblr, but he’s so much more poetic about it lol), will share songs with fans frequently, will share the books and movies he enjoys, will always wear the gifts that his fansites gift him to confirm that he’s received them, loves art&literature, is quiet and reserved so he may come off as cold but is actually very thoughtful and warm and always thinking about those around him, always tries to read his fans letters because they energize him, loves taking long baths to destress.....

and the more i found out, the more i realized that other evanisms also love the same things about yanjun - that he’s so much more than just a pretty face. he’s introverted, which makes his actions more complex as they are motivated by a deeper meaning he wishes to express. he prefers staying at home and engaging in activities alone rather than going outside, which makes fans more intrigued in what types types of books and movies and music he likes, all the more to better understand him. evanisms all really empathize with yanjun because of his sincerity and transparency with his words. what he says hold so much truth, and it’s hard to stop yourself from dissecting it sometimes. 

even though now i’m not as caught up with his activities as before, i still really really love and respect yanjun as both a person and an artist :) i really look forward to his future, i’m sure big things are in store for him. 

- miki

[silkyandsurveys]

July 28 2017

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More milk than cereal 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Yes I love winter 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? I just fold the page 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I don't take it at all 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? Yes I'm super self conscious of my smile I used to not be until people started pointing it out 6: do you keep plants? No cause they die really easily 7: do you name your plants? No 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? I write in a journal 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I love singing so much I wish I was good at it more than anything lol 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? Back and side always 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? To many to list or count 12: what's your favorite planet? Neptune and Uranus ;) 13: what's something that made you smile today? I hung out with one of my sisters friends and we always have a good time 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? MESS 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! No 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Chicken alfredo always and forever 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? Purple would be so cool 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. Me and my two very close best friends decided to make slime and throw it at my ceiling and pieces of it are forever stuck to my ceiling. Me and my friend were peeing our pants everywhere 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? I keep notebooks around that I randomly and rarely write and draw in but I have a notebook app that I frequently write in. Just about my day or my week 20: what's your favorite eye color? brown and hazel like yesss they're so pretty 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. Can't say I have one 22: are you a morning person? Noooooo 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Lay in my bed and go on my phone 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Yeah kinda 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? A car at a car dealership lmao 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? I used to be obsessed with toms but currently my converse 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Watermelon forever bitch 28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset of course 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? She's really really smiley and I pick at her for it but it's actually really nice 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Yes 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. Socks are make or break situation. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. Spent 3 hours making a video star to its everyday bro by Jake Paul. All the words are engraved into my brain 33: what's your fave pastry? Cheese danish bitch 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? Lamb pillow pet. Named lamby. Just look up lamb pillow pet but the fur on it is all fucked yo because my mom put it in the dryer. And yes I still have it 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? No 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? None my brain is literally white noise right now I'm so tired 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? Clean 38: tell us about your pet peeves! There's so many I'm not abot to get into that mess 39: what color do you wear the most? Dark colors for sure 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? I have a necklace with my name on it. Got it from my grandma I wore it a lot in seventh grade aka one of the worst years ever 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? Elenor and park 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! No because I hate coffee and I'm not a hashtag Tumblr aesthetic girl so I don't go running around trying to find aesthetic coffee shopsn 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? I legit don't remember 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Probably at night in a car when I was like 10 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yes 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. Ok found this joke from a vine don't @ me. Anal with her made my day. But it made her hole week. Bitch I die 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? Twinkies. Beef sticks. Tomatoes. Mushrooms. 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Car crashes. Thunderstorms/ natural disasters. And yes 100% 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? No it's dumb I pay Apple Music 14$ a month for a reason 50: what's an odd thing you collect? I used to collect snow gloves but for some reason and somehow I have a lot of turtles from a bunch of different places. Like little turtle souvenirs 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? My crush and it's so dumb but hey Stephen by Taylor swift damn. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? All of them 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? No.no.yes.no. Idk I haven't seen like any of them 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? Ummmmm my face in the mirror idk 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? Ummm not sure everything I do is dramatic so 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? It's 1am and I can't remember what endearing means 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? It reminds me of glee. And ps I didn't listen to it just in my head I imagine Jessie sprinting around stage whilst Quinn gives birth so that's an image 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? My friend abby is the vodka aunt and my friend julia is the wine mom 59: what's your favorite myth? Mermaids 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? No 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? Little einsteins singing toy when I was 9 years old from m great grandma. Lol love! 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? No 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? No I own like 4 books 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Black 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? Yeah some friends from school I miss 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Ew shut up (roses) 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? Sad and gross 68: what's winter like where you live? Brutal but I <3 it 69: what are your favorite board games? Uno and spoons and don't come at me saying they're not board games because I don't care 70: have you ever used a ouija board? No im not about to release that shit in my home 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? I don't like tea but if I had to choose sweet passion green tea from Panera fucks major shit up 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? No 73: what are some of your worst habits? Biting my nails. Chewing the inside of my gum and picking at the skin on my thumbs 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Awesomely cool dude 75: tell us about your pets! Annoying but cute sometimes I guess 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Sleeping 77: pink or yellow lemonade? Pink always 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? Hateclub I would say j always have been but I'm gonna be honest and expose myself for wearing a minion shirt to school in fifth grade. Soo. 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? Ummm not sure 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Dark purple. No I did not. I wanted lilac but since I'm the younger sister I don't get to choose 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Ocean 82: are/were you good in school? Yeah 83: what's some of your favorite album art? Ummm the flower boy album that just came out is really cool 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? Eh they seem cool and I like them but I feel like trendy tattoos are the most regretful 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? No 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? Yeah. Not any in specific 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Cuberbully lmao it's kinda cringey but it's so good and hatchi because that shit has made me hyperventilate. Omg and titanic 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? ???? Again 1:30 am brain doesn't understand 89: are you close to your parents? Yeah 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. I love philly don't get mad at me for loving trash 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? My home and my school 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? GIVE ME ALL THE CHEESE 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? just done or in a ponytail 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? The boy I like lol 95: what are your plans for this weekend? Well I hope it's to hang out with my friends but work is a stupid bitch 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Idk off the top of my head. Aquarius. I think gryffindor 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? For a school field trip and no becaue I was sweating and dying 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. I won't mind by zayn <3 that song because it explains my whole life that literally any body I like will not be mine ever! 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? 5 years in the future maybe?

[nalyra-dreaming]

HannibalCon RDC3 - day 1. Personal recap

So yesterday was the day that so many of us feverishly anticipated and dreaded :), the actual possibility of meeting Bryan Fuller, Hugh Dancy, Aaron Abrams, Scott Thompson, Demore Barnes and Ellen Muth! I mean. What -are- the chances? I flew over Friday morning (having dreaded flying in that storm but it did die down that night, fortunately) with Alex and we made our way over to arrive at 10 am, to photos of other Fannibals on Twitter already, though the hotel was still very much empty. Good to take photographs :) I got upgraded to the next room level (which is why I can now drink coffee while writing this at 5:30 am (thank goodness)). By afternoon the lobby was filling slowly, flowercrowns everywhere. A truly elevating atmosphere, because even though I'm not really a flowers and frilly stuff kind of gal, it just is incredible to watch. Btw the bloody flowercrown @idontfindyouthatinteresting made for me drew many compliments (thank you, again!) Registration openend a bit early and people went queuing until the main ceremony started. Incredible, there were soooo many people there, so many beautiful cosplays already. @lovecrimecat came by and we distributed the flyers for @radiance-anthology flyers to those standing in line, managed to meet so many of those who signed up (yay), got little gifts in exchange from so many people (and everybody just gave me a second one when I asked so I could give them to Katrina who couldn't come - so awesome of you guys, thank you again!). I met so many people 'from' Twitter and it' so nice to recognize some from last time, to put name and face to the @s. *hugs at all* Opening ceremony. I have a gold ticket this year so I went up front and sat next to SpiceyScorpion, only to realize that -that- was way to much in front for my nerves .... *rolls eyes at self*. I went a few rows back and to the side, which was a good decision for later^^. "They" came in a few minutes to late, we saw Aaron and Scott do shadow theatre behind the scenes and Sean called them out one after the other. Demore seemed honestly happy to be there, addressing us with such kind words, upping the applause and calling backstage that that could not possibly be topped*fg*. Aaron came out and asked us to clap for Hugh because he was supposedly afraid he wouldn't get any ^^^^^, Scott said something along these lines as well, I think. Both very funny. Ellen was there^^ and addressed us with a few kind ords and then Sean announced Bryan next and the room (not in any way quiet before) went -wild-. And Bryan.... Bryan went "crowdsurfing". Meaning he ran through the aisles and high-fived us. You know that sitting to the side decision? Yeah.... What a moment, there's lots of pictures in the Tag #HannibalCon, go and look, it was.... incredible. God bless. Anyway Hugh came out last, announced by Sean as one of the best british actors, and boy, that was applause^^. He seemed a bit overwhelmed with the energy there^^ and honestly, I can't quite remember what he actually said but it was something along the lines that he was looking forward to a wonderful weekend. They came out together after that and we held up the signs that @the-winnowing-wind distributed - "Fannibals Forever".... They took videos and photos of us. Bryan posted some of it later. Incredible moment to have been part of. I'm even in Bryans video (yay^^ (and if you know where to look^^)). The gold ticket holders went across the hall next, to a slightly smaller room with tables set up and we were seated by group/friends. And then we waited, because they got something to eat first.... (darn^^^). Colleen got out some booze and we talked a lot and proverbially bit our nails a lot *g*. When they finally got in they were sent to the various tables for 4-minute-meet-ups. Only the meet-ups didn't stay at 4 minutes :P. Demore was first and I was soooooo nervous. (The seat next to me was free btw, and so the -all- ended up sitting right next to me (*still screaming about that*. .... ) I shook my hands in the air in an effort to get rid of some of the energy and he put his hand on my shoulder asking me why I was nervous and I brabbled something unintelligible and shook my head. Very sweet. We talked a bit about his fight scene with Mads and that we would have liked to see more of him^^ and I told him I can't wait to see him in American Gods and he rubbed my back when he left. *float* Next was Scott, who brought his pizza and drank some mooneshine with us^^, played Tarot with us and was generally just this very kind and interesting person. I wasn't -quite- that nervous anymore by then (thanks Demore (and Colleen for the prosecco)), meaning I actually talked a bit, though I can't quite remember what^^. Ellen was next and she was also very nice, we talked about the fact that her scenes are imho some of the most scary in Hannibal. She also wore some of the coolest jeans I'd ever seen^^. Ok. Next? BRYAN. He saw the Will!Faun scarf of @flying-rotten we had put on the table cloth and chuckled that he knew who -we- are waiting for and that he couldn't blame us^^. He asked us, if push came to shove, if we would prefer Will & Hannibal S4 or SotL. Our table was Hannigram, though there was apparently one that was 'done' with it.... He told us about it a bit, much the same that Hugh has said before as well, that it would be an inversion of S1 etc. I.... hope that push does not come to shove, because he told us a bit about how much he loves the lyric of Thomas Harris books and I would really love for him to be able to fully lay out his vision. I hope he gets to do this (we have to continue to fight, guys!!!). He also told us, that Thomas Harris apparently writes a new book and he.... poked Martha to get the rights to it already, without quite knowing what it was about yet *g*. I.... took all my courage then and showed him one of the Radiance-Flyers and explained a bit and we asked if he wanted to do a little something like a foreword for it. And guys - HE DOES! He asked when it would need to be done and I said May 1st and he looked at the flyer and indicated the twitter @ there and asked if he should send it there and I was like (you know this situation, where, once you start, your mouth kind of runs away with you?! At least mine did^^^) "Oh well, yes, or you know you follow me on twitter, you can just send it there if you want" and he looked at me (directly) and said "yes, I know." Well, RIP me. I answered with a very intelligent "ah" if I recall correctly and ducked my head and then Romina and I emphasized that it would be awesome if he actually wants to do that and finds the time. He asked us after what drew us to Hannibal, as he got feedback from a lot of the other young women (I thanked him for 'young', you know, once you're in it doesn't matter anyhow *another eye roll at self*) and we said that its not only beauty and connection, but also intelligence. You have to think with Hannibal. He recommended 'Legion' to us and asked if we'd seen it before and I said that some stuff hasn't made it across the big pond yet. And then Bryan went and .... not ranted directly.... but expressed his lack of understanding of the fact that things take so long to be legal and why series were not streamed worldwide because people would just go and pirate it anyway -because- it was not available legally. He went and made a (imho) very fitting anology with the conservative stance on abortions in contrast to piracy, meaning just because it's forbidden it doesn't stop people from doing so, it just gets unsafer and illegal. Oh and he took photos of our table and @dr3piecesuit s and another girls tattoo, because he loves them. :) And he told us that he brought something for Hugh to wear for the Cosplay contest. Can't wait *g* He was called away then, way past the 4 minutes^^ and .... he is such a precious human being?! Exuding so much warmth and honesty and exuberance. I feel honored that I got to sit there. A propos honored... Hugh was next and there I was again - nervous. Awesome. *third eyeroll* He complimented Camilles Will!Faun, saying it was very beautiful and then laughing that that was maybe a bit weird^^, and then telling us about all the gifts he gets and that he keeps the little plush Wills, giving them to his son to play with, even the bloody ones..... *fg*. The girl next to me (@OnTheVerger) talked to him about how much Adam means to her because she has Aspergers and then broke into tears and Hugh comforted and hugged her and it was sooo sweet. We showed him the Radiance flyers as well and he said "blood fueled embraces, indeed" *g*. Bryan ran by then and left a bitten off Babybel for Hugh. IDK if Hugh bit off that piece or if Bryan did but it was hilarious^^. Hugh had to leave then and Aaron came to our table last, I told him I backed him and he told us about the film he and Scott are in (Scott came by and set down next to him^^) and we talked about how much we would all want to see more of Hannibal. Oh and Scott said (before) that he was supposed to teach Clarice Starling - how awesome would team Sassy Science be doing that in SotL? Seriously? Anyway, I remember I touched Aarons shoulder in the spur of the moment talking about -something- but I can't remember what exactly and the panicking about that. ;)) I went to my room at 1:15am, got into bed by 2am and was wide awake again at 5:15 am. What. a. rush. PS: This is no photos because my cameras not that good - check the Hashtag on Twitter, there's TONS of them ;). Already ;)

[paulsolorzano]

01.31.19

So when Axxxxx found out she was pregnant when we were in Fairbanks in Alaska we got a pregnancy app to chart the baby’s progress. 

The baby was due two weeks ago. 

I knew the date was coming up and it’s depressing to think about on multiple levels. Remind me to talk about it. 

—-

Was supposed to hang with Cxxxxxxx tonite but Kxxxx actually wants to see me and was asking me about it so, I’m gonna have to get out of it with her. 

Cxxxxxxxx hit me up on Facebook messenger asking if I still wanted to hang. I haven’t responded yet. 

—-

Ive been to this Starbucks so many times that the guy Josh, calls me by my name when he sees me in the camera, and knows my drink here. 

I don’t know what to think about that. 

It speaks something about my habits of course. In a sense I was happy to hear my name and my drink, but it’s like goddam, is this my life?

—

I need to remind myself not to be the old server. 

—

Still need to tell Cxxxxxxxx I need to take a rain check 

 What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Not having a baby with Axxxxx instead of having one

“Don’t be the old server”

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.30.19

I can’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up; it doesn’t matter because I’m not whatever it was. 

This storage space elevator smells like sweaty bodies. 

-//

Plugging along on the I-4 westbound. Something up the way is really holding up the traffic. Luckily I have my music. 

Aaron Tobin called me to let me know his (and our to an extent) boy Todd, died of a massive heart attack. He was Tobins age, 39 maybe 40. 

To be fair this guy was huge his whole life and also on drugs. He had he heart attack in jail from what I understand. He turned himself in for a warrant he had going. 

Wild shit. Living long enough for people to be dying around us 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Jeff Rosenstock show and how inspiring it was

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - POST-

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“ It’s like somebody traded out my skin, for something I could never feel good in” -Jeff Rosenstock 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.29.19

Jeff Rosenstock tonite. I finagled three tickets from a friend online, for me and Danielito and Kristy, but unfortunately they can’t make it. 

So I’m going solo. Asked a couple girls on the roster but no luck so far. And it’s that time. So I’ll be forging on alone. 

Gotta get earplugs. 

—-

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“ we’ll diffuse bombs, run marathons, and take on whatever together” - Grandaddy 

“Wizards, stop throwing fruit at me!” - Reggie and the full effect  

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.28.19

Monday. I’m off. Had plans with Mxxxx in the morning but she’s taken ill. 

I tentatively have plans with Kxxxx tonite, which I need to attempt to solidify tonite. Ok, the text has been sent: “hangs tonite?”

Easy enough. 

She already asked about Monday on Sunday morning after Saturday night hangs and bangs. 

Waiting on her response. Listening to Mary Hopkin. This shit is my new shit, which is old shit like back in 1969. Produced by Paul McCartney is definitely why I like it. 

—-

Of course this is all happening at my storage space. This is where I hang currently. Since I’ve been back to Orlando. I hang here with my shit and wrote and do art and catalogue and attempt to trim down and move shit around to maximize the space. 

—

So back to the Kxxxx thing, she’s ill too. Everyone is sick for some reason. I’ve always been a carrier, rarely getting ill myself. 

—

Had a conversation with Cxxxxxxxx. She was upset about a week ago when she perceived me to be placing blame on her when she couldn’t hang out spur of the moment. 

So I waited almost a week and she didn’t text or message me once. 

So I wrote her. She’s pretty much embittered by a lot of previous bull shit that other people have heaped on to the pile. 

Now I suffer for the sins of the last person. 

To be fair she was super in to me when we met and I sort of nipped the ‘let’s hop into a relationship immediately after she gets out of one’ enthusiasm in the bud. 

So, she seems to be indifferent to me, and more broadly, people in general. Hard to say. 

I don’t really need to put that much emotional energy into it, as I have other more interested coals in the fire. 

But she’s grown on me. So there’s that. 

I’m not trying to abandon any of the women I get involved with. 

Do I want to commit to any of them fully? At present, no.

And naturally I think of Axxxxx. Always her. She blew my hair back. I blew it with her. 

—-

There’s a cute Hispanic girl in this Denny’s right now, sitting alone and watching Futurama. I keep glancing over there to watch. 

Also the girl who just came in for her shift at 11:00 has just left hurriedly in tears. I have no damn clue what the hell happened. 

  What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Blink-182 enema of the state 

Weezer - blue album 

Mary Hopkin - post card

Deadmau5 - Polar: Music from the Netflix film

Dream tiger - dream tiger 

Lorn - ask the dust 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Reggie and the full effect - songs to not get married to

Reggie and the full effect - promotional copy 

Big business - command your weather 

Piebald - we are the only friends that we have 

Watching:

Step Brothers

Reading: 

Eating:

Denny’s mozzarella sticks and coffee   

Playing:

Purchases:

Paul McCartney Wings 45s

Record sleeves for 33s and 45s  

Packages received: 

Jeff rosenstock - POST casette

Wings - silly love songs 45 rpm

Mary hopkin- those were the days 45 rpm

Snow White seven dwarves figs 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Welcome to your life; there’s no turning back” - tears for fears 

“ I’m like everybody else; as a shamed of sleep I lie when a phone call wakes me” - WHY? 

Quote of the day: 

“This house is a prison! On planet Bullshit!” - Brennan and Dale, Step Brothers

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.27.19

Cold and wet all day today. Truly a day where it rained all day. 

Spent the night at Kxxxx’s house. Who’s Kxxxx you ask? She is from the internet dating app OkCupid. I broke one of my own rules and slept over there. And this was last night, which was also the first night i met her in  person and also the first time we had sex. 

I say the first time assuming there will be more times. She and I definitely get along. It’s weird because she reminds me of Holly D in several ways. 

First off Kxxxx body is kind of shaped like Holly’s. She’s taller than I am. Big tits and ass. Back tattoo from what I could gather 

 01.26.19

I do everything high these days. I’m here at Orlando you and comic con hittin the pen hard. Already smoked before I left the house. 

This con is good because it’s smaller and I can make trips back to the car to bring back stuffs I’ve gotten. So I don’t have to roll around with a backpack. 

—-

At chipotle now. Had to drive to get here. Just up the road from the mall. I don’t know if I’ll go back to the con. Technically it goes til 7 but idk. 

—-

Spent a lot of fucking money today but I knew that was happening 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Basia Bulat - good advice 

Weezer - teal album 

The octopus project 

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

“This is a womanly car” - me taking about Tina Watkins car that I drive around like an asshole. 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.25.19

I put the coins that I had organized fell yesterday into the sheets, I stuck them and the paper money into a three ring binder I got from Office Depot yesterday. 

I don’t want to work today but I must. 

Until I innovate my way out of this, I have to work for the man. Remember that you asshole, the next time you cry about it. 

—-

Chilled at the space and made some room for stuff. Slowly and surely ditching stuff 

—- 

got called off from work today in a Friday. I haven’t worked all week because reasons.  I asked for a couple days off to to the Neil DeGrasse Tyson thing, and the Orlando toy and comic con thing. I didn’t get get the two days off when Yaqeen did the schedule because he’s a Derp and does everything by hand. So I had two other days off, and then got the two off that I needed by dropping the shifts.  So I ain’t done shit all week. I’m gonna continue that trend into tomorrow at the con.  

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Wings - band on the run 

Katamari forever OST

Buffalo daughter - captain vapour athletes 

Weezer - teal album 

Nada surf - the weight is a gift 

Basia Bulat - good advice 

The Beatles - magic mystery tour 

No joy  - wait to pleasure 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

“you’re not wide anymore; you’re skinny fat” - Yaqeen talking about me 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.24.19

Been on the pen/flower pretty solid since October when I got back from Alaska. Hell, even Alaska I was on the wax daily. 

I guess I’ve been medicating myself. 

Working on a sketch. I missed a couple days but I did one last night also:

Ok and here’s today’s: 

I’m trying to find my groove with what I want to do with all these sketches. Basically I’m just sketching shit I see. 

Sketching? Drawing? I don’t even know what to say here haha. 

And I made another 

—-

Going to see Neil DeGrasse Tyson tonite. This will be the third time I’ll have seen him. 

I was hoping Axxxxx would be in the mix at this point because she was with me the first two times. Now, if I hadn’t have fucked up recently, she probably would be with me tonite. Goddammit me. So, my one and only boy Tobin is gonna come with me. 

It’ll be nice because we haven’t seen each other in a hot minute. Ever since he got that girlfriend of his haha. Now they are in that ‘up each other’s ass’ phase.  

Update: it would seem Neil will not be speaking tonite after all. Amidst recent allegations in the last few months, he postponed/canceled his shows: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.orlandoweekly.com/Blogs/archives/2018/12/13/neil-degrasse-tyson-cancels-orlando-appearance-following-sexual-misconduct-accusations%3fmedia=AMP%2bHTML

So that is sad fucking news, especially since I’m finding out today and not a month and a half ago. I mean I knew about the allegations but didn’t think it would come to this. 

Another thing that chapped me is that Aaron Tobin fucking bailed on me before I found this out. Granted I only asked him yesterday but damn he seems to let me down a lot when there’s a specific date and time involved. 

—/

I put my paper money and coin collection in these plastic inserts

Now the only thing that blows about these inserts is that the tops don’t seal, so this shit has to be flat or upright at all times. This isn’t too bad for the paper money but clearly there could be an issue for the coins.  I later got a three ring binder to stick the inserts in. 

Also I took pics of all the packages received today. Mostly records. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - teal album 

Veil of Maya - false idol

Black octopus lipstick project - foam party 

The octopus project 

CSS - Cansei de Ser Sexy

OCEANLANE - crossroad 

The Vienna philharmonic - Beethoven’s 5th symphony

No joy & sonic boom - ep  

Teddybears - soft machine 

Watching:

Rick and Morty season 3 blu ray

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Weezer black album vinyl pre order (2 colors)

Weezer black album cassette pre order 

Packages received: 

Lots of records from joyful noise 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.23.19

The first Amanda messaged me today accusing me of stealing her loop station. I never took the thing at all. Haven’t even thought of the thing for years. She said she is gonna to file a report and mention my name to the police. 

I don’t know what her deal is. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

WHY? - sandollars ep

Marijuana deathsquads - oh my sexy lord 

STNNNG - empire inward 

Vaz - necessary, pt. 2

Alias & doseone - less is orchestra 

The octopus project 

Peter Adams - the spiral eyes 

Teddy bears - soft machine 

Gnarls Barkley - st. Elsewhere  

Veil of Maya - false idol 

Mary Hopkin - post card 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

“Hey if a serial killer/murderer/etc fits the profile exactly but has never killed, what does that make them ?” Me to Mxxxx 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.22.19

Wish I could eat chips and get fat right now. 

I went a million places today. The altamonte mall. Starbucks. These two were part of a date with Mxxxx, who I really enjoyed hanging with. She is married and its all legit. Like they both see other people and shit. So this could be good for me. 

Then did the white girl tour to tj maxx and Ross. Also before that early in the afternoon after Mxxxx I went to bright light books. 

Went a little overboard on buying shit today. Oops. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster 

The octopus project 

American football - LP3 pre release song

Wings - wings over America 

Status quo - rocking all over the world 

Xavier Cugat jungle drums 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Bright light books:

Art toy picture book

Avocado cookbook (for Mxxxx)

Wings: wings over America vinyl record 

Omg thrift 

These weird soft vinyl Snow White dwarves figures 

Clear makeup bag with

Kay Johnson vinyl record (with writing on the cover, a dedication to two ladies named carol and Donna)

Ross

NASA shirt 

Super NES controller shirt 

Super Mario shirt 

TJ MAXX

Vaporwave lookin Tokyo shirt 

Vaporwave lookin eyes shirt 

Marilyn Monroe skeleton with hair shirt 

Black stretch pants 34 inch waist for the first time whoop!

These fake ass sweat pants 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“When I try to be clear with you, I only end up being see through” -American football 

Quote of the day: 

“When I put my Makeup on, I take so many selfies” - male barista at the Starbucks by the Altamonte mall

“My dad was awesome. He loved pistachios and Star Wars. Only imparted one of those loves onto me. He is no longer with us, but his memory lives on through red pistachios that also no longer exist.” - Mandyism

“The problem with that idea is that I don’t have a penis. I’m sorry. It wouldn’t be a fair game.” - Mandyism

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.21.19

The girl who works here only a couple days a week, Ebony, just took a tour of the inner workings of my storage space. This was her asking if she could look at my stuffs. 

Today’s and yesterday’s sketch:

This of course being Buff Monster and Frank Kozik inspired; and my Bose sound speaker I’ve been doing and my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee. Oh and the motorcycle license plate from Alaska. I had a Tupperware full of em mixed, here’s the reference: 

And then this was me and my McNugget kick of course. A packet of mayonnaise and a vinyl record, and the remote to the tv 

—/

Spent a good chunk of the day chatting with some potential dates. Mostly with a girl named Mxxxx, who is in a consensual non-monogamous marriage. She has kids also. It’s weird because she seems really into me and we are meeting tomorrow at 12:30pm. I’m excited to see what comes of this. 

-//

I’m  so excited about finding this Picasso print at goodwill today: 

Here it is hung up 

And here it was right before I stuck it in the car to take it home. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Mineral - one day when we are young 

Wizo - uuaarrgh!

Beck - morning phase 

MF DOOM - operation doomsday 

Tame impala 

Sheena Ringo (as suggested by Ebony who works at public storage)     

The octopus project 

Tame impala - lonerism 

Astronautica - Gemini 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV: 

Did a nice glam on ALC also

Purchases:

Bougie goodwill off Orlando ave in winter park:

Pocahontas toy 

Assorted comic books 

Picasso framed print 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Steady like a tricycle”

“Hoes get ripped off like Nicorette”

“Every day feels like an off day, with Ferris bueller”

mf doom

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.20.19

In line at Animal Kingdom helping my boy Orlando get in with his family.

I’m  parked in giraffe 41-49

It’s way too early for me to be awake. 

And I have to work. Aaaand I’m covering some lunch shift for my other boy Tom who has been feeling ill. 

—//

Did the animal kingdom thing. 

Did the afternoon lunch work thing. 

Got called off for dinner because it was slow apparently. 

Came home and let the roommate use her own car that I’ve been renting weekly. 

—

Still working on cleaning and bagging those 45s my mother left to me by way of Danielito

—

So, I would say it’s time for me to maybe make a shortlist of women I’m dating/working on dating. I’ve got a few hat I’ve closed already and some still in the works so let’s see here:

(shortlist omitted)

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda

Lying about my age online

Notable places visited:

Animal Kingdom

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche 

Hey Mercedes - ep

Hey Mercedes - everynight fireworks  

No doubt - tragic kingdom

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

McNuggets 

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.19.19

The last couple nights in a row, Yaqeen has called me and asked specifically what I have done to further the business, Deep Space Ventures. This is good and bad that the has asked me. Bad because I haven’t done jack shit; good because he is holding me accountable. And it is giving me a little hurt to not do anything. So I will have to forge ahead. He is trying to better himself and make me be better too. Good shit. 

—-

I go to Dunkin’ Donuts just about every day to get a coffee. I stare at these fucking donuts and contemplate ordering a dozen and saying fuck all to my diet. 

The moment had already passed. 

I have to say I feel like I’m doing ok with this ketogenic diet. 

—

Just saw a new white Honda Accord. Or was it a civic? Either way it reminded me of the second Amanda. Miss that chick too. 

Remind me to tell you about the second Amanda sometime. 

Sketch of the day:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

The second Amanda 

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

The octopus project - hello avalanche  

The octopus protect - one ten hundred thousand million 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Action figures 

Lyric of the day:

“For all we know, these days are all numbered But things could get better I know Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world For all we know These days are all numbered And things will get better I hope Cause I'll be the first and the last one to go Lord it's a cruel, cruel world without love” 

- further seems forever 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.18.19

Sketch of the day: I was doing laundry at a mat on Mills right there by colonial. The 7-Eleven recently closed down after being there for fucking  ever. So I sat there in between the wash and the dry.

I don’t know what I’m hoping to accomplish with these sketches other than practicing. I would like to get to a decent level. 

Something to do while I’m alive. 

It’ll come in handy when I start making the toys also. Good stuff for cardbacks 

—

Donated some more shit. Slowly clearing it out. Gonna list some 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail better heal faster 

ALL - problematic 

Rex Orange County - apricot princess 

Mineral - the power of failing 

Wings - Venus and Mars 

Sparklehorse - it’s a wonderful life 

J Dilla - welcome 2 Detroit 

JJ DOOM - Key to the kuffs

Duendita - direct line to my creator 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

Packages received: 

Mineral 25 years and new single

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Slap my face, just to feel” - Jimmy Eat World 

“May all your days be gold my child” - Sparklehorse

“Come my beautiful alien, touch me with your light” - Weezer 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.17.19

Sketch of the day locked in; I did Orko from masters of the universe, from the action figure I found yesterday:

And of course the source material

So I’m on my way to sketching I suppose. Leveling up my art abilities? 

—

Minus the bear farewell concert:

My brother and I caught MTB on their farewell tour in Tampa back in November I think it was? I’ll have to check the date. 

Anyway it was nice to spend time with him at a concert out and about. It was part of my attempt to stop being a dead beat sibling. 

He and I have seen them numerous times over the years. 

—

I ReDennised Andrea Zimmerman just now. Remind me to go and append the list.  Stuck on I-4 traffic on the way home from her place. 

My exit was closed for construction so I had to take a big ass detour. I dint even care but I thought it was notable. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

  Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

J Dilla - donuts

Jeff Rosenstock - worry 

Quasimoto - the further adventures of lord quas

AJJ - bible 2

Wings - at the speed of sound 

Ok go - ok 

Trent reznor - bird box original score 

Ok go - oh no

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Wheat grass juice powder 

Boston market 

 Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.16.19

The fucking stench of fake buttered popcorn. The Altamonte Springs mall. This is my current hip spot to hang out alone at. 

Escape as a coping mechanism. 

I pretend I’m just this guy who goes through life as an observer. Which I’m not really too far from pretending lately. 

—-

You only ever see kids with short haircuts. Short little asshole haircuts. 

—/

“Found a couple discounted figs,

Sat in the massage chair with no massage,

Renamed all the restaurants in the food court 'sugar',

Decided I want subscriptions to art and toy themed magazines,

And coffee. “ - excerpt of a text from Cxxxxxxxx asking me how the mall was. 

—-

Sketch of the day is done:

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - adults 

Bomb the music industry - get warmer 

The arrogant sons of bitches - The arrogant sons of bitches!

Fail better, heal faster 

Deftones - gore

The strokes - is this it

Jaylib - champion sound 

In my room Apple Music playlist 

Favorites playlist Apple Music 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink also been adding carrot and beet lately

Starbucks venti cold brew with heavy cream and an espresso shot

Chicken nuggets from McDonald’s 

Cauliflower Mac and cheese I made 

Top shoulder loin 

Shrimp on top

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

Super 7 Masters of the universe action figures:

Orko

Evil-Lyn

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Mold and nice and stolen bikes

And a van everyone wants to break in to” - slumlord by bomb the music industry!

“Well I heard that you found somebody else 

At first I thought it was a lie” - the 1975

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.15.19

Fake funny depression. Meme depression. People taking some dark shit and slapping an out of context caption and making light of it. 

It’s not the worst idea. 

Yeah everything is shit sometimes but do I want to off myself because I don’t have a pile of money to sleep on? 

The answer is hell to the no. 

—-

Yaqeen set it up last night so I didn’t have to work today. Corporate is in town and I’m just avoiding it all haha. Next few days off also. So that’ll take care of that. 

What I need to do now is attempt to pick up at Yamasan just to have a couple extra bucks. 

Just spoke to tobin briefly; he is definitely up his girlfriends ass haha. I’m ok with it. I suppose it’ll do some good for him seeing as it’s been forever since he’s: a)had a girlfriend b) gotten laid on the reg. 

Also spoke to Frank; Microchip passed away very recently. His dog of 13 years or so. Back when Daylight District was  still in effect. 

Remind me to tell you about when I was in bands. 

—-

Naomi Singleton ‘broke up’ with me today. We only met the one time. After months of talking. She didn’t like being deceived by my fake age on Okc. Also she claims she broke out in cold sores after seeing me and kissing me. I’ve never had a single sore anywhere so unless I’m some wild carrier, she is mistaken. 

Her perception is her reality however. And I did burn her with the age thing. 

I’m considering putting my age to normal age. 

—

Made a first sketch today. The storage space wall and the table with some shit on it 

So hopefully I can try to do one a day for fun. I went to Michaels as well and picked up a few gel pens. 

Remind me to tell you where all my art supplies are. (Spoiler alert; they’re being held hostage by Axxxxx if she hasnt chucked em out. If anything she’s probably assimilated them into her own art shit. 

—-

Just saw a hotpot place I’ve never seen before here on kirkman. Instantly thought of going there with Axxxxx. I miss her.  

—

Went on a date 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Spoke to Frank about letting him know what I’ve been up to

To discuss still: 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ale house in Kirkman for a date 

Listening to:

PUP - PUP 

PUP - the dream is over 

PUP - kids (single off the new record)

Deadmau5 - for lack of a better name deadmau

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool? 

First Astronomical Velocity - galaxy one

NOFX - punk in drublic 

NOFX - Pump up the Valiuum

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

THE NEW PUP RECORD!! preorder 

A couple books from brightlight books

Van Gogh  in Arles 

Knuckleheads graphic novel 

The 100 best business books of all time 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“The universe is unforgiving and a dick

So we’ll do our best to live” - fail better heal faster 

“ You know I’ve never been good at anything

Except for fuckin up and ruining everything” - PUP 

“We’re on an ultralight beam

This is a god dream” - Kanye West, life of Pablo 

Quote of the day: 

“I can turn you into poetry 

But I can’t make you love me” - fragment 5, weatheredwritings

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.14.19

Tokyo Elvis, who is one of my best friends, Frank Friend, who I have played in multiple bands with since we were 16-17. 

He wants me to undertake the tasks involving getting him booked in town and out. 

We’ve decided that the Comic-Con circuit would be a good fit for him. Also it would be for me as well in terms of getting a booth for the paulsstoragespace shit. 

So I’ve started the process of emailing various cons in town coming up 

—

Just saw a guy throw a rubber hammer at a peacock. A sentence I never thought I would say. 

—-

Like dead glow worms falling slowly through oil

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:  

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bomb the music industry - vacation 

Fail better, heal faster 

Alpha male tea party - droids

Just friends - nothing but love 

Just friends - rock 2 the rhythm 

Cornelius - point 

Walter Ferguson - Babylon 

Darwin Deez - 10 songs that happened when you left me with my stupid heart 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry 

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sleeves for paper money 

Sleeves for coins 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“In truth, December destroyed me. January crushed me By February, I was not myself March rolled in like beatings and rolled out like a bear hug In April I stared out the window for a fucking month I don't want October. I don't want November I don't want to feel those crippling blows That I can't explain to myself, my friends or you So I soften them with hours of Nintendo”

-bomb the music industry 

“Loving you required ammunition” - Darwin Deez

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.13.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Killer Bee - Venus

Steffaloo - heart beats 

Lone - reality testing 

Fail better, heal faster 

Watching:

Ready player one 

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

FFXIV 

Purchases:

100 record sleeves for 7 inch records

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I came here with hope and I left with a smoking habit” - fail better, heal faster 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.12.19

Spoke with yaqeen at ihop last night. He is trying to become the assistant general manager at STK. He was speaking to a couple of the top servers and more specifically Rob C, and rob was telling Yaqeen to cut ties with being friends with servers and more specifically me. 

Now yaqeen and I are boys at this point. So it ain’t happening. But it does sting a little to hear that I’m not very respected  in that sense. 

—

Made cauliflower Mac n cheese. It was pretty tasty for sure. Nice and Keto friendly. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Emailed a few venues concerning playing: 

Herohype:

Emailed on 01.12.19

https://www.herohype.com

Omni fandom expo 

Emailed on 1.12.19

http://www.omniexpo.com

MyCon

https://mystic-con.com

Emailed on 01.12.19

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

The presidents of the United States of America - S/t

The presidents of the United States of America - II

The cardigans - first band on the moon

Fail better, heal faster 

PUP - the dream is over 

Serengeti - Dennis 6E 

Ricky eat acid - talk to you soon

Rozwell kid - precious art 

Dorothy ashby - Afro harping 

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Serengeti - Dennehy

Atmosphere - sad clown bad summer 

  Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot 

wheat grass juice powder 

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/cucumber/lemon juice/stevia drink 

McDonalds 20 nuggets and a large Diet Coke ( this is the last time I swear )  

Cauliflower ‘man n cheese’ that I made

Playing:

FFXIV - got ALC up to 50, working on getting LTW up to 50 also

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Superstar, I tried to educate your childish heart” - the cardigans 

“You said it best when you said I’m a mess” - Rozwell Kid 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.11.19

Sitting here in Disney springs. I got here with an extra fifteen minutes or so; got a coffee and now I’m sitting on a bench watching people and life go by.  

Picking out the weirdos and watching them. And the eccentric girls, for some reason they just appeal to me so hard, more so than conventional hot girls. 

I need to make a move. 

—-

After hours. Waiting on yaqeen to show up at this Ihop. He and I haven’t had one of these in a while. Hopefully  he shows up haha. He said his phone was dying and he would meet me inside. 

What i did toward the business today:

Listening to Tony Robbins power to influence 

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Ihop with yaqeen 

Listening to:

Fail better, heal faster 

Angelo De Augustine - tomb

Bomb the music industry - vacation 

1997 - a better view of the rising moon  

Jeff Rosenstock - we cool?

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Tobacco - sweatbox dynasty 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Been on a huge chicken nugget for McDonald’s kick. Large diet cokes also. While they aren’t totally killing the diet, it’s probably not the best. 

Tasted the Scallops special from work 

Playing:

Purchases:

From fye all 75% off

Star Wars black series - Poe Dameron

Star Wars black series -  Constable Zuvio

Pulp Fiction - Butch Coolidge, 8 inch tall approx

Super 7 Alien M.U.S.C.L.E. mini figs

From barnes and noble:

The new issue of Juxtapoz featuring Kaws on the cover

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I wanna move to Japan 

And maybe I’ll understand 

What to do with my life” - fail better, heal faster 

Quote of the day: 

“I don’t want it now, I want it right now” - Robert Davis GM STK

8 ball questions and answers:

“Is Axxxxx gonna come back to me at some point?”

“Yes”

Hashtags: 

01.10.19

I’m on fucking autopilot. Just coasting through my days.  Get back on track you asshole. Don’t be an old server. Have more than one income. Get some fucking momentum going. 

How do I do this? What is my leverage to change? What will happen if I don’t do this? 

I need to stir up some hurt within myself. 

—-

How to innovate my way out of this? This place gives me no joy and therefore I am not giving it the attention it deserves. 

—

I’ve been sent to Starbucks by Greg the manager to get a hot chocolate for a guest. I’m on a party upstairs and I won’t be missed. He gave me his debit card. I flirted with the girl who took my order. She was receptive. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from?

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Coheed and Cambria - good Apollo, I’m burning star IV

1997 - a better view of be rising moon

Cashmere cat - 9

Tony Robbins - the power to influence 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

PUP - the dream is over 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.09.19

What i did toward the business today:

Didn’t do a goddamn thing.  Need to get on it

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

Worked on the spam email 

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from? 

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Keep Shelly in Athens - 

Death cab for cutie - transatlanticism

Weezer - pacific daydream 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot 

Wheat grass juice powder 

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink 

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I wish the world was flat like the old days

And I could travel just by folding the map” - death cab for cutie 

“This is the sound of settling”  - death cab for cutie

“‘Perfect’ always takes so long, because it don’t exist” - Jeff Rosenstock 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.08.19

Last night we had the STK makeup Christmas party for all the day-one-er’s. I almost didn’t go because I feel semi depressed and don’t wanna do shit all. 

So we went and it was small but lost of the OG hang was there. Yaqeen of course and the lot. 

We all just hung out drinking and roasting the shit out of each other. 

Yaqeen and I are the roastmasters. He and I started this shit as a nice way to keep morale in the building at STK. And boy has it worked nicely. 

Yaqeen told me the whole time I was away in Alaska that he kept the roasts alive. And my memory as well haha. Those were his words. 

So, every day is now an HR nightmare in the building but no one seems to mind at all. I work the raunchiest coolest people ever. I would hang out with any of them outside of work. 

So yeah the roast is strong with all of us. I swear if we all quit the restaurant biz and write comedy, we could get famous. 

So as roastmasters, Yaqeen and I are the only two who can promote any of these jabronis trying to level up. They gotta be coming correct on the daily with hot roasts. And then when they fire of a real hum dinger of a zinger, based on the laughter of yaq and myself and any audience in attendance, that person will be leveled up immediately. 

It’s fun. I love playing games all day every day. 

—-

Been burning oil and smoking flower every day since I’ve been back to Orlando. 

I don’t want to say it unmotivates me because I do get things done, just at a slower pace. I’m on weed time. 

—

I’m hanging  with Cxxxxxxxx outside of this McDonalds here:

228 S Orlando Ave

Maitland, FL  32751

United States

Called her up randomly to see how she was. Her stomach is tied up in knots over a boy she is also seeing. 

You know, I’ve evolved into this person who isn’t jealous and just experiences women/ people as they are. I always say that some of my best relationships are been non-relationships: people I see when I see em, and we are both ok with it. 

I don’t know how I got this way but here I am. 

 Where did I go askew with the way I view relationships? And by that I just mean the non traditional way people view things.  

To be discussed later I suppose. 

So yeah Cxxxxxxxx is soaring for food from McDonalds. 

 What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Where did my weird view on relationships come from? 

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Fail Better, heal faster 

Weezer - death to false metal 

The strokes - room on fire 

HUM - you’d prefer an astronaut 

Maritime - we the vehicles 

Fishbone - give a monkey a brain and hell swear 

Living colour 

Portishead - third 

Watching:

Johnny mnemonic 

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“If I am feeling wacky, I think I might

Drink a quart of vodka

Spend the night down in the gutter” - Weezer

“What if the day had stayed in bed?” - Foo Fighters 

“All the boys with directionless hair are rough 

Languorous girls in undertaker makeup” - maritime 

“The busy sisters stunning, won’t she be stunned 

 By the infinite parade of punk rock t shirts” - maritime 

Quote of the day: 

“Electrons take up less space, so..” - Cxxxxxxxx’s roommate on digitizing pictures

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.07.19

Becoming awesome.. hmm I still haven’t done that yet. Havent been doing much of shit lately. How do I get back on track?

The answer is to just do the damn thing. 

whats my motivation? Good question to ask. 

I don’t want to be an old server. And its weird because chronologically I am 38 but I don’t feel like that. A bit odd I suppose to think about. 

so, whats the fix? Slowly work on becoming awesome. By the time I know it ,i’ll be there. But this is only going to come about through working every day toward things. I tell people all the time to just get 1% better every day, and here I am not doing that. 

I need to implement all the advice I’ve been handing out. 

That being said, what can I  work on today toward becoming awesome?

What are some things I want to accomplish? Well lemme refer myself to the giant 18 month plan I have set up

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Being a weed head

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Serengeti - kaleidoscope 2 ep

Fail better, heal faster - s/t

Panuccis pizza - don’t tip the delivery boy 

Panuccis pizza - All of my friends are familiar and the steps I took to realize this 

Tigers Jaw - s/t

Halsey - Badlands 

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Apple cider vinegar shot 

wheat grass juice powder 

Kale/spinach/radish/parsley/celery/lemon juice/stevia drink 

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“I fell in love with your face so much, that it behooves me to look away” - Serengeti 

“You can take what’s in my head; I don’t want it” - Fail better, heal faster

Quote of the day: 

"Vision without execution is hallucination" - Thomas Edison

“Stop selling: start solving and serving” - 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.06.19

I keep trying to order the Downward is Heavenward vinyl reissue but it sells out immediately. Short story is, it’s just the singer from the now defunct band HUM, is releasing the reissue in pieces, cause he’s just one guy. 

—-

Bagged up the Star Wars power of the force cardbacks in clear pages for a three ring binder 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still:  

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Cky - the Phoenix 

Ozma - Pasadena 

Chrome sparks - goddess ep

HUM - downward is heavenward

Jeff Rosenstock - worry. 

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“You can’t exist In the world, without being a part of the world, and somehow that’s comforting, when you’re not where you want to be.” -ozma

“And she got me high, 

And I barely noticed there were tears in her eyes. 

And I miss you less and less every day,

It’s true the whiskeys gone and washed you away” - Margot and the nuclear so and sos 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.05.19

So I’ve been in Orlando for a couple months at this point. Back from my 6 month detour to Alaska. 

Feels like I never left. 

I don’t know if that’s a good statement or a bad one. 

—

Bagged up some Buff Monster mini ice cream toys today. Been working on getting everything in plastic bags. Also I will start to labelling shit I want to get rid of with prices. 

This is a little momentum toward having a booth at a con somewhere. 

The real

Momentum would be to get a list of cons and then start spamming them for Frank and Tokyo Elvis and also for myself 

—

Right, so coming back to Orlando. Not bad but it’s just me back in the same groove. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Toadies - rubberneck 

Weezer - Pinkerton 

Weezer pacific daydream

Queens of the Stone Age - songs for the day

Soundgarden - down on the upside

cky - infiltrtate destroy rebuild

Watching:

The Crow on bluray

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Through the ages, we got stupid, and now we must repent” - Toadies 

“She never gets wet; she smiles and it’s a rainbow” - Ben folds 

“I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat” - death cab for cutie 

“These things don’t belong

On my list at all” - cky

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.04.19

So I’m working last night (At STK if no one has been following) and I get a text from Naomi Singleton (now this is not the same Naomi who is Axxxxx cousin who I was messaging and Axxxxx got wind of it and ended things with me once again)

She was in Disney springs. I work in Disney springs. 

So she hits me up asking what I’m doing after work; I say probably heading home, and she goes: orrrr you can hang out with me in Disney springs. 

So we met for the first time, right in front of STK, by the bridge.  

Very nice chemistry. 

So we walked through the springs a little. Hugged and held hands. I sat her down on a bench behind house of blues 

—-

What makes me follow the rules one day and disregard them the next? 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Weezer - Hurley 

Foo Fighters - there is nothing left to lose 

Local H - as good as dead

Local H - hey, killer 

Watching:

22 jump street on bluray

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Hang on til the break of the day” - Weezer 

“I’m falling in love.. what was your name?” - Weezer 

“Lately I’ve been feeling better

Wish I could stay sick with you” - Foo Fighters 

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.03.19

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Listening to:

Bombadil - hold on

Watching:

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.02.19

Tina Watkins comes back tonite. I hope she’ll let me use her car carte Blanche. She is defiantly motivated by  money so an extra hundo a week should do the trick. 

So, however long it takes for me to get my income tax money back, I’m getting a vehicle. It blows not having one. 

—-

Taking a break from the space for food and mail and maybe big lots for some shit 

—-

Moved some good stuff around in the space. Those three bookshelves (one of the four didn’t make it) are really helping me maximize the Howard space in there. 

—

I have to leave to pick Tina up now from the airport. Well, it was nice having the place to myself. 

—- 

So I sorted the car out with Tina, I’ll pay her and will use the car as I have been. Once I get that income tax return I’m gonna get a vehicle dammit. 

 Bagged up what loose Dunnys I had in a Tupperware 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Jason’s deli

Big lots 

My storage space of fucking course 

Listening to:

Jeff Rosenstock - worry

Cosmo’s midnight - what comes next 

Scott pilgrim vs. the world original score 

Red animal war - breaking in an angel 

Bjork - post 

Bjork - debut 

Chrome sparks - chrome sparks 

Fishbone - gift a monkey a brain and he’ll swear he’s the center of the universe 

Watching:

Trainwreck on Blu-ray  

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Sandwich bags for toys 

Irving stickers 

Packages received: 

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“born as a data mine for targeted marketing,  no one will listen up until you become a hashtag or a meme” - Jeff Rosenstock 

“Let’s just drink and fuckin be alive, not just survive” - NOFX 

“Give me something beautiful; I’ll believe your lies” - Red Animal War

Quote of the day: 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: 

01.01.19

Made out with a girl from my table last night. She was 23 I believe. She was with her parents and already drunk due to New Year’s Eve festivities. She and I were vining to the point where I caught her coming out of the bathroom and asked if she wanted to kiss at 12. She said she was trying to get a kiss right now, and then we did. And it was pretty on all night after that. A few more random stolen makeouts, and then got her number before we left. She was gonna ditch her parents at some point and wait for me after work, but surely she passed out. Let’s hope I hear from her today.  

—-

“I don’t even have an emotional attachment to that particular Nintendo” - me on a garbage Nintendo I just donated. 

—-

Holy shit I’m leaving target and can smell the Pizza Hut style pizza they got going on in there and it’s really making me crave it. This keto shit has been going on for two and a half months at this point. Maybe I organize some manner of cheat meal. 

—

Seeing Galina at the hospice her father is. It won’t be long for him now. 

—-

Cxxxxxxxx came over tonite. Haven’t seen her since before Christmas. I gave her her birthday present that I picked up for her. We hung out at ale house for a drink and then came back this way. 

What i did toward the business today:

What I did toward managing Tokyo Elvis:

To discuss still: 

Back to Orlando 

Becoming awesome

the ‘roast’ culture Yaqeen and I  cultivated to keep morale up

Managing Tokyo Elvis 

Escape as a coping mechanism 

Minus the bear farewell concert

Sleeping on couches when under emotional distress 

“Inventory” night

10 second romance (rearview mirrors at red lights)

Memories created from memory (instead of what actually happened)

Making peace with Al Ruiz (the back story)

Axxxxx reaching out and then me blowing it (again, but not really because I wasn’t trying)

24 hour romance (bumble and tinder and okc)

Notable places visited:

Target haha. Too high and only got a couple random things. 

Listening to:

Hum - you’d prefer an astronaut 

Swervedriver - mezcal head

Watching:

Scott Pilgrim vs the world 

Reading: 

Eating:

Playing:

Purchases:

Stranger things action figure on discount 

Scott pilgrim on Blu-ray 

BAMF score (I had a $75 store credit from trading in some Star Wars shit earlier last week):

Star Wars Han Solo vintage action figure

Ultraman fig

A couple Japanese older model kits 

Packages received: 

Star Wars power of the force bulk cardback set

eBay obsessions: 

Lyric of the day:

“Every color mixed together

Will make another, in my reality” - Basenji

Quote of the day: 

“You punched me in the boob; prepare to die obviously” - Scott pilgrim vs the world 

8 ball questions and answers:

Hashtags: