#ok i'm gonna stop now lmao
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ok its rant time!!!! about ttpd ofc so be prepared lol
i just finished it (and immediately started relistening) and oh. my. god.
i think 'peter,' 'the bolter,' 'down bad,' 'the albatross,' and sm more were my favourites!!!
but peter by far the most bc ADHJKAHSF. THE BRIDGE. IM UNWELL. 'forgive me, peter, please know that i tried to hold on to the days when you were mine, but the woman who sits by the window has turned out the light.' STOP THIS RIGHT NOW. WHAT. literally sobbing wtf. bc i cant go a moment without referencing percy jackson, this one rly reminded me of piper and jason's break up from piper's pov (just replace 'peter' with 'jason'!!!).
um. ok anyways :) now imma talk abt the bolter!!! so!!! (im unironically listening to it rn - ttpd is on shuffle and it just came on lmaoo). i dont have much to say abt this one; just that its good and idk i liked it lmao. but omg the 'but as she was leaving, it felt like breathing.' idk it just hit different and i loved it sm. THE BRIDGE TOO OMG<3 its so catchy i love it.
'down bad' is so incoherent screaming. i love love love that song aaaahhh!!!!!! the first verse was so good; 'did you really beam me up, in a cloud of sparkling dust, just to do experiments on?' and also 'for a moment, i knew cosmic love.' im unwell.
'the albatross' ok i'd also like to say, out of all the bonus track edition thingys, i liked the cover for the albatross edition the best!!!! it was just so ttpd to me idk. 'and when the sky rains fire on you, and you're persona non grata, i'll tell you how i've been there too.' ugh i loved the bridge for this one^ (side note - "persona non grata" means unwelcome person).
oh and also!!! 'chloe or sam or sophia or marcus' RIPPED MY HEART OUT. dont mind me just violently sobbing to 'so, if you wanna break my cold heart, say that you loved me just the way you were' like actually stop this i cannot. and omg 'could it be enough just to float in your orbit?' NO. sTOp. i cant anymore that entire verse was just gut wrenching.
i also liked so many others but i cant remember those rn so um. thats it for now!!!! overall i loved the album (or double album bc like WHAT??)
#somehow jason grace finds his way into every song i listen to#i just love him ok :(#anyways#back to taylor swift#i also liked 'florida!!!' and florence + the machine's verse was so good#as for what i was disappointed by - i can fix him (no really i can) - it just wasnt what i expected and yeah!!!#still good tho#taylor definitely delivered with this one#tho tbh i did like the second half of the album (the anthology) more than the first half im sorry😭#'guilty as sin?' is incredible too!!!#ok i'm gonna stop now lmao#i could go on forever#taylor swift#ttpd#the tortured poets department#down bad#the albatross#the bolter#peter by taylor swift#ts11#tortured poets department
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Seeing the Gaz exclusion done by Activision itself (like not being on merch or getting fun new skins in game) reminds me of Arthur from Call of Duty: Vanguard. He was the main character: the head of the team and the narrator of the story. They gave him a couple of skins and called it a day. No new content for him after season 2 (out of 6), while the other campaign characters had consistent additions and bundles throughout the seasons.
idk if I'm reading too much into this, just thinking about how both those characters are black men.
#call of duty#COD#mwii#call of duty vanguard#kyle gaz garrick#arthur kingsley#i'm engaging in ~discourse~#i'm just saying they kept giving wade new stuff and he was an asshole#and sure his storyline was written like he improved as a person but there was no actual proof of that#also i lowkey think they brought Lewis back as an operator because they wanted another person of color#but didn't want to make a new character model#like Lewis was an operator but no Des or Richard?#or BORIS#lbr they didn't make Boris an operator bc no one would play anyone else#i am the head of the boris petrov fanclub btw#there's pictures of him on the fucking new york map for some reason lmao#ok i'm gonna stop writing tags and post this now#my COD posts
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wait shit fuck this blog is gonna be 4 years old in two weeks what the actual fuck
#BYAN'S GONNA BE FOUR YEARS OLD I'M????#my oldest consistent oc and perhaps one of my oldest consistent(ish) blogs as a whole???#baffled. BAFFLED. never expected this tbh but here we are#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.#ok I'll stop posting now sorry that just. caught me by surprise lmao
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hold up tho -- i was too busy being mad about everything else, but as a certified Cat Stevens Enjoyer (inherited dad music taste ppl rise up) now that i'm stopping to think about it even using 'father and son' in the final context is itself an empty symbol???? it's like they took the name of the song and the lyrics 'i have to go away' and were like oh yeah nice 1!
but like the song? is about? intergenerational conflict??? specifically the conflict btw a father advocating for a conservative, settled, traditional and pleasant life and a headstrong son resenting that repressive upbringing and making the decision to break away towards his passions? it's not meant to be one person singing throughout the whole thing, it's a really compassionate and heartbreaking dialogue between the idea of settling for the well-trodden road, and the need to leave it behind: the son not convinced by the comforts of the expected, and the father in some ways advocating settling for the traditional because he just doesn't want his son to leave him.
like in that context, it's the avatar of traditional singing 'find a girl, settle down - if you want you can marry. look at me i am old but i'm happy' over ted's car pulling up to michelle's house.
it's the avatar of the need to break from the repression of that life who frankly wails out (mr stevens i owe you my life) 'all the times that i've cried keeping all the things i felt inside, it's hard - but it's harder to ignore it. if they were right, i'd agree -- but it's them they know not me. there's a way and i know i have to go away'
like???????????????
using that song there is a whole ass choice but it's uhhhhhh at the very least a deeply complicated one, which doesn't really seem to click with this supposedly uncomplicated and 'unambiguously happy ending' they were apparently going for:. again like i said, feels like they just were like 'oh yeah father and son. people cry to this song right? bingo ringo!'
again, like with barbecue sauce and the pinball machine, it's borrowing those emotions from symbols instead of actually building them up in the story, and whoooo baby this song is just another case of those symbols not really matching up with the empty narrative they're being asked to prop up.
(anyway fun fact: the song was originally written for a proposed musical about the russian revolution and the son is actually singing about wanting to join the bolsheviks ✊🚩)
#ted lasso critical#in this house we love and respect yusuf cat stevens and his lyrics#anyway cat stevens deep cuts i love and recommend:#i see a road#portobello road#actually all of matthew and son - unreal debut album#'on the road to find out' <- my theme song actually#lmao ok lots of roads here...#rubylove#o caritas#into white uGH INTO WHITE always reminds me of the wendy house in peter pan#oooo i think i see the light!#ok i'm gonna stop now#anyway stan harold and maude
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fractured my ribs by coughing apparently 🧍♂️
#ooc.#the horrors never cease. whooping cough. pneumonia. broken ribs#i've held back on my moaning so far but give me just one second to be a baby and complain about the PAIN SJDFJS#ok i'm normal now. omw to the doc's office for painkillers. will report back if they're gonna make me too loopy to be here LMAO#( also don't @ me for whooping cough ... i didn't realise those vaccines stopped 'working' after 4 - 6 years fsdnmfds )#medical //
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Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)
#witchblr#taking a break was so good for me because now im getting back into the flow of it? im realising how my beliefs and shit have shifted#still going to gently worm my back into witchcraft like. im not gonna do any blots or anything for a good while#and figure out ONCE MORE what actually works with my practice#like do i WANT divination to be part of my craft? or do i just feel like i have to#like when was the last time i touched my tarot or my runes or my oracle deck or my pendulum? even before my break?#and when it comes to deitywork. is that something i can commit to? has my time with Loki come to a close? lots of questions to ask.#and also do i really want to keep a grimoire/bos? because im too much of a perfectionist for it#and the stuff i do regularly are in my head. if I'm doing something different then I'm going to use other books as research points#idk theres a lot to think about. maybe I'll just ponder the wizard and stop sweating the details lmao#you'd think i had this shit figured out after over a decade but fuckin nooooppppeeeee#anyway witchcraft is always a journey and there's always more to learn and experience#its easy to say that shit but harder to accept it#ALSO LOKI LIVES IN MY BEDROOM I AINT EVER GONNA HIDE HIM AWAY#i cherish all the time spent with a deity and appreciate them for being there during that part of my life#just like with hecate before its ok if my time with loki is over. it is what it is. its not sad its something to look fondly on
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ughhhh nobody let me on this website until i make the changes i need to make to my resume and apply to some jobs
#i was gonna buckle down and work on my resume all day yesterday#but i had insomnia tuesday night THENNNN was woken up at 8am sharp by construction. which went on ALL DAY btw!!!#and i was too tired to go anywhere else bc this was my second night in a row of getting < 6 hours of sleep#i spent a solid 8 hours or so playing sims while watching veep. i was completely useless all day and it was kinda awesome lol#my resume isn't *bad* obviously because i've gotten a few interviews but i think i can make it better#i think i need to change how i describe the stuff i did in grad school bc i think people don't see it as experience in data science#they see my resume and THINK i only have 1.5 years of experience but everything i did those 4 years of grad school was data science!!!#i came up with research questions and trained machine learning models and performed hypothesis testing etc.!!!#it was just in a different domain!!! so i need to reword that section of my resume and then i think i'll be good.#...... ok i'm gonna stop stalling and get to work now lmao#m.txt
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dude...
#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this...#it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it.....#it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time#i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again#honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually#breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ??#i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine#hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!!#is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral#but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits#anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore#actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body#ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold#skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol#OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry.#rAMbles
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#lol i like he's like oh i thought you were mad at me. no?? you told me to stop messaging you bc it was false hope and i respected that???#not gonna catch me trying to change your mind or beg for your attention. if you say you don't want me in your life I'm out of it lmao#personal#ok ok ok and now he's trying to see if anything has changed?#no man. i am sorry. i do not want anything more from you than what I've told you firmly and honestly many times before.#if you're always wanting more and you're always hurt that i don't when I'm always honest with you then i don't think you can keep blaming m#like he's literally saying we could have a friendship and just set rules if it escalates#it's not gonna escalate dude! it's not! dont say you want friendship when what you want is to sleep with me
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Sorry for another vent post but here goes
#like i'm not looking for a relationship ok ? but i met this guy and we've been hooking yp#but like he is being all sweet and caring and he is great don't get me wrong#he's like eddie munson i'm not gonna lie#but at the same time he doesn't get my jokes and when i make a sarcastic comment or something funny he always thinks i'm being honest#and then he's too sweet if it makes sense in normal convos? BUT if i am ganuinely distressed (which i am a lot you guys know)#he is just not very emotionally intelligent 😬 and like it's all fun and wtv but i feel like he might like me more than i like him#and i called him babe once bc i had this girl friend who calls everyone babe and i spent like 3 days with her so i called him that#and now he always calls me babe and i'm like 😐 pls stop but i can't tell him to stop bc it will seem rude#and yeah my friends that know him are like he's such a cool guy and so sweet and everything and it looks like we're dating#but like we're not man we're not i met him a few weeks ago#anyway i think in reality i'm trying to find bad things about him just so i can justify not liking him and sabotage the whole thing bc +#+ i'm too afraid lmao#i think i'm emotionally unavailable and don't want a relationship or feel ready for it at all#i feel like i'm starting that age most ppl have at 18/19 of exploring and just vibing except i should have gone through that then#but i never got the change bc of abusive relationships and being at home and not having freedom to just exist#and now i do and i feel like if i start dating someone i'll lose my freedom again#which should not even happen in a healthy relationship but that's how i feel#maybe will talk about this to my therapist see what he says#i think i know what he will say like 'you're just afraid don't think about it too much tell him how you feel'#and i HAVE told him generally how i feel and that i don't want to move mad about it and he was like 'no were just getting to know eachother
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did my first shotgun tonight
#mine#it was really funny cause it was my bf's cousin who suggested it and he asked if i'd ever shotgunned before#and i said no and he was like ''oh fuck you're gonna die'' cause he had this whole contraption that made it go even faster#and i was warned that it was gonna burn really bad and like just be generally awful#and then i did it and it was fine#didn't burn my throat at all the only thing that happened was i burped a lot after#and now i'm just like comfortably drunk#my partner said it's cause i'm irish#i think the fact that i've done shots of almost hundred proof rum multiple times helped a lot#i'm immune to it now#i am definitely drunk though as can probably be ascertained from the fact that i cannot shut up right now#i just keep on fucking typing#ok i'm gonna hit post now or else i'll never stop lmao
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just impulsively bought the i am kenough hoodie hours after watching barbie at the theaters
no regrets
#barbie#it's like 1am#and i just ordered it LMAO#i'm not even kidding i saw the hoodie on ken for a single second and whispered to my friend next to me 'i want that hoodie'#only to find out they're ACTUALLY SELLING IT????#IM SO HAPPY HAHAHHSGAGA#it's so punny#i love punny#but now i'm gonna have to stop myself from anymore impulsive buys 💀 i'm relying on my wishlist to save me now#ok but in all seriousness the barbie movie was absolutely spectacular i've never felt so seen as a woman#it was so comforting and made me feel so safe inside#i teared up lmao#barbie spoilers#(?)#in case lol
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🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
Friendly reminder that asking your lycan partner to turn you is incredibly insensitive! Seriously can we retire this trope already? Not only is it just offensive, but no one would ever actually choose this life! Lycanthropy is a curse. Full stop.
🐾 superhowllock69 Follow
Ok user "moon-moon" as if that original meme wasn't created to mock pack nomenclature 🙄
Anyway I'm not gonna touch that internalized lycanphobia with a ten foot pole. Being turned by your partner is something that can be incredibly intimate as long as both parties are consenting and the one being turned is 100% sure they want it. Literally the only downside to transforming once a month is the pain, but midol works just fine. No one with these "lycanthropy bad" takes ever wants to discuss the legitimate positives that come with this "curse" lmao.
🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
I'm literally reclaiming moon moon but go off I guess. Anyways turning your partner is absolutely disgusting and morally reprehensible and anyone who does it should be muzzled permanently.
🌜 impawssible Follow
lmao my wife literally saved my life when she turned me but i guess she should be muzzled huh? we run through the woods hunting deer together and can each haul in groceries in one trip now, but nooo she's obviously a danger to society because she cares enough about me to help me when insurance wouldn't cover my medicine
also it was confirmed that the creator of that meme literally makes and sells silver bullets so if you still wanna use moon moon for yourself that certainly is a choice. source: (X)
🦴 pupperoni Follow
I love that instead of naming the more common benefits of lycanthropy, you mentioned that you and your wife can carry all the groceries in one trip. I think that's definitely a positive that gets overlooked far too often and I commend you for speaking your truth, sir
🌜 impawssible Follow
lol thanks but I'm a woman 😅
🦴 pupperoni Follow
🦇 count-fuckula Follow
Plus werewolf blood tastes way better and is as filling as 10 humans 👍
🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
Oh my GOD you vampblr freaks will just flock to anything. It clearly says "vamps DNI" in my bio!
🐾 superhowllock Follow
lmaoooo of course you're a vampire exclusionist
🌕 daddy-fenris Follow
wasn't OP the same guy who said fursuits were offensive to lycanthropes and doxxed a werewolf fursuiter?
🐺 moon-moon4w00 Follow
They ARE offensive and harmful to this community and I'm tired of pretending they're not. They perpetuate harmful depictions of what a humanoid wolf is actually like.
🌜 impawssible Follow
me when I dox someone for making candy colored animal costumes that look nothing like what a real werewolf does
🦴 pupperoni Follow
K
🌕 daddy-fenris Follow
U
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Sneaked a peak at my next ep's wiki and there are two character names listed under taliesin's 👀👀👀
#ignore me#maddie liveblogs cr2#I knew of kingsley for quite some time now#but I'm still surprised it took till the second to last episode??#I still don't fully know the specifics of how and why#like. I'm assuming they stop lucien and he? loses his memories? factory resets?#somehow or another becomes kingsley? idk I'll find out lmao#I'm assuming that also means he's replacing caduceus which I'm sad about :(#but I do know that cad doesn't die so at least that's ok#but oh man listening to 140 today and saving 141 for the weekend aaaaaa#I'm gonna be losing it all day lmaoo
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why's life like this
#I'm like “i want a Sharp Drug” like what? stop. what is that. don't do that.#let's do something else#ummmm but i don't really care about anything like listen okay here's the thing#i care about myself and my life and i want to live. ok. and i have been#like i did stuff all day ok. i already did stuff now i just want something else to Have an Effect on me#is that so much to ask?#is this happening because I'm lonely? probably#idk how im gonna trust anyone enough to let them have an effect on me though lmao :')#if you're reading this feel free to hmu#my stuff
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#micah's musings#vent#please don't rb#i am. having another 1am breakdown lmao#i don't remember the last time i managed not to do this#except the days where i sleep like 16 hours bc i'm too sad to function#i just. idk. i was hit with the realization that almost everything that ever brought me joy breaks my heart now#certain songs make my chest physically ache bc i'll never feel the way i did listening to them as i walked dark city streets at night#dnd hurts bc that one session took like 4? 5 years? of love and work and my entire BEING and slapped me in the face with it#my dice do the same thing#steven universe makes me ache for much the same reason as certain songs#thinking about haunt season hurts bc of the way my partner and i were treated regarding it recently#almost everything i love has come back to hurt me lately and it feels like things will never be ok again#i'm just exhausted. i want to be able to stop. but i can't afford to#so i'm stuck in this godsawful loop#do my work - apply for other jobs - get ghosted - do my work - apply for jobs - land 1 interview out of 70+ apps - get ghosted#i hate this. i wanna stop. i wanna stop. it's never gonna get better and i just wanna stop#anyway. i'm sorry. i needed to get it off my chest. everything hurts. hope y'all are well
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