#ok i’m done being a hater i want to be a lover now .
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wolfstar bitchkiller dogchaser wolfbeater princeflower rosestar wolfbeak buckfoot padshank crookfoot wormwater moonbitch flowerpower moonfoot wolfsnake princefoot bicepleather rosewaterflowerpadmoonchasertail
#when i say i hate these im talking about wolfstar too they are not excluded idc about their lore or if i think about them fondly#ok i’m done being a hater i want to be a lover now .
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i’m actually like still seething with righteous anger about work today. and yeah i know this is destroying my soul and i have to power to end these patterns etc. i am not a chill person ok a chill and regular person doesn’t need to have an anti haterism mantra for themselves to repeat when they get mad about a tv show. lovers soul buddha nature only i will remain… girl you do NOT have the buddha nature you got mad today because you saw a tiktok edit of a ship you don’t care about for a fandom you don’t like and you were mad because you didn’t feel like the song fit the characters dynamic…. anyway. yeah still mad about work despite it being 9:30pm. i left that place at noon fr. not even my fault bitch manager pissed me off so bad. had to call my mom and complain about her… because why would you as the store manager who is supposed to be good at managing things. give me a huge fucking task one hour before i leave. and i can’t even stay late to do it because we’re insanely over hours. and no one else can do it because YOU are shit at training new hires and none of these people know how to do anything relating to merch because you only train them for sales. and it’s this impossible project of moving around like six different areas of jeans THAT WERE NOT ORGANIZED WHEN WE STARTED. and i say “we” but i don’t mean it because she did not even help. and again. mind you she had me start this with one hour left on my shift. after i had just spent the whole morning doing shit she left from her crappy close last night. so i never even got to ANY of the stuff i had planned to get done originally. and she knows this. she knew i had plans of other things to do in a reasonable time frame that i could have knocked out so easy and left on a jolly cheery good vibes note. but she just couldn’t help herself she had to give me that shit which did not get done and everyone knew wouldn’t get done without me or someone else good there to do it and no good people were coming in after me until tomorrow morning. but she doesn’t even know what the fucking plan is so she’s not gonna be able to do it very well either now is she. and how are you as the store manager who’s supposed to make sure things are running smoothly going to stand there and tell me you don’t care if the jeans are unorganized and mixed together. are we gonna stand here and pretend you didn’t get so fucking bitchy about someone not sizing a stack of jeans in perfect order when they’re putting returns back on the sales floor just the other day. and every other day all the time. oh no she put a 29x30 on top of a 28x30 it’s the end of the fucking world. but suddenly today you’re gonna stand there and tell me you don’t want me to separate out the athletic fit jeans that are mixed in with the skinny jeans. and the three colors all mixed together. you suddenly don’t care about this. kill yourself. girls i’m so mad i hope she dies seriously
#and i hope when her son grows up he fucking hates her#not to support this nations epidemic of misogynist mother hating sons. it will be fine when he specifically does it.
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crazy. oscar diaz
word count: 1847
warnings: bit of swearing but mainly angsty/fluff
requested: ‘Hey boo could I ask for an imagine with spooky where him and reader fight like crazy with each other like they're friends but they get on each other's nerves a lot and one/both of them realised they actually like the other? And they confess? Idk yhis is dumb I guess but I like the idea of them annoying each other and arguing like crazy before realising they like each other more than they'd like to admit🥺 thank you so much if you go with this!! 💛💛’
plot: best friends / haters / lovers?
masterlist
"suck my dick!"
"gladly!" he shouted back.
your frown deepened when he said this. you groaned with frustration. he always had better comebacks than you did, it drove you crazy in instances like this (which were pretty frequent).
you turned around to leave before the conversation could escalate any further. "you know, you should really watch your mouth, mami," he shouted before you could get to the door, and you couldn't leave it alone.
spinning around, you marched back over to him with a pointed finger. "don't tell me what to do, papi," you poked at his chest as you mimicked his little nickname.
oscars eyes widened for a split second, before regaining his composure. you faltered for a second, unsure of what had just happened. his nostrils flared a little and he closed his eyes for a second. "you're the most annoying hyna i've ever met."
you paused. "so you think i'm pretty?"
he rolled his eyes. "actually, shut up."
you let out a small smile, still kinda annoyed with him, as he was with you. he shoved you away from him, shaking his head and leaving the room.
"yeah, you go to your room mister," you teased. oscar stopped in his tracks and you knew you'd probably teased him one too many times for today. you cracked a proper smile this time, in fear of what was coming. he turned around and saw your face.
he immediately marched over, grabbing your waist as you squealed. he threw you over his shoulder before tossing you onto the couch. you let out a loud laugh as he did. your teasing worked every time, he was so easy.
"asshole," you breathed in between laughs. oscar picked up a pillow and chucked it at you.
"i can't believe it took me so long to realise how much i hate you," he towered over you, you held your hands up in defence.
"no you don't," you cheesed. oscar stared at you for a moment, you held the smile on your face, before picking up the same pillow and hitting you with it again over the head. "hey!"
"get a room, please," both your heads snapped towards the front door where cesar was now standing. he rolled his eyes, dropping his school bag at the door before quickly making his way to his room. "seriously, gross."
"at least i'm not sucking his face off like you with monse!" you shouted as he slammed his bedroom door behind him. "seriously, give the girl a break!" you heard cesar shout something incoherent back which you giggled at.
oscar watched with a smug expression as you interacted with his brother. you might be the biggest pain in his ass but there was something else there. you were the only person that could get away with speaking to oscar the way you do. he kinda liked it.
you averted your attention back to oscar, who you caught staring for a split second before he could realise what he was doing. you furrowed your brows for a split second. you noticed him do this a few times, more and more often.
"whatcha' staring at papi?" you titled your head, wearing a teasing smirk. you did kind of want an answer though.
he shook his head, a tortured smile on his lips when he did. "don't call me that."
"what? you can get away with calling me mami but i can't call you papi?" you sneered. "is it some kind of obscure double standard?"
he shook his head again, ducking. "call me that one more time and see what happens," he stood towering over you. you looked up at him quizzically. you were dying to know just exactly what he would do if you said it again. and you were exactly the kind of person to find out.
"what? papi?" you quirked an eyebrow. oscar rolled his head back, laughing a little.
"don't say i didn't warn you," your eyes widened and before you could protest, he was on top of you. his hands moved to your sides and he begun relentless tickling the life out of you. you squealed, desperately trying to push his hands away in between laughter.
"ok!" you shouted, pleadingly. "ok, ok, ok!" you kicked your feet, knocking oscar off his balance and causing him to crash on top of you. you groaned, the weight of him crushing you. you let out a strained breath. "jesus christ, what do you eat? you weigh a fucking tonne," you teased. oscar choked out a laugh, pushing himself up and off you with his arms either side of you.
he paused, his face hovering just above yours. the smile slowly slipped from your lips, your eyes darting between his as he stopped to look at you. your cheeks were flushed from all the squirming and laughing, your eyes wide and stunned, and your hair was all over the place, falling over your face. oscar pushed the hair out of your face.
you gulped, before whispering. "what're you looking at—" you choked on your words a little when oscar's lips tilted closer to yours. he took this as his cue and kissed you. your eyebrows raised, letting him kiss you for a moment before you retaliated. your hand roamed to his shirt where you balled your hand into a fist around the fabric and pulled him closer.
quickly after you pulled him closer, you came to your senses and pushed him away. you squirmed underneath him, pushing him off you and standing up. oscar sat quietly, mulling over what he'd just done, he wasn't sure whether that was something he should have acted on.
"what— why'd you just kiss me?" you had your back to him, you touched your lips with your fingers. you were breathing pretty heavily. you weren't sure how you felt about it. it felt good at the time, no doubt, but now you weren't so sure it should have happened. it could potentially mess everything up.
"i—" oscar couldn't form a sentence. you spun around to see he was just as baffled as you were. you chewed your lip, trying to think of what to do or say. "i don't know— you just looked at me and i— don't know."
your heart was beating pretty fast.
"i look at you all the time, oscar," the frown on your face softened. this was oscar, your best friend. of course you knew how attractive he was, and of course you were a little bit in love with him. but you never ever considered doing anything about it because you loved your relationship the way it was, and you would never want to ruin that.
he rolled his eyes when you said this. "why do you always have to say something annoying? you were the one looking at me with your stupid brown eyes, it's not my fault i got lost in them—"
"you got lost in my eyes?" you were gaping at him. you couldn't help but tease him, it was how your relationship worked. "jesus christ oscar. we kissed once and you're talking like a— i don't even know— like a taylor swift song."
"you're so dramatic," he rolled his eyes again, gritting his teeth slightly. he hadn't given this much thought until it happened, it wasn't something he thought about too much. he'd always seen you as a friend, nothing more. he kind of had to shut off the part of his brain that thought you were unbelievably attractive because otherwise he'd be kissing you all the time. and he liked you as his friend, so that wouldn't work out. "it was just a kiss. i'm not proposing."
"damn right you won't be," you huffed, calming down a bit now the shock of it had passed through your system. "i just don't know what this means. we're supposed to be friends."
"i don't know—" oscar huffed. "does it have to mean everything? can't i just kiss you and that's that? do we have to talk about it?"
you rolled your eyes this time. "you want to sit on this and never talk about it again like you do with everything else? like that has worked out so well for you already?"
he groaned. "i take back the kiss. you're so annoying."
you were both kinda quiet for a minute as you thought about it. you didn't know how to not mock him constantly, you'd been doing it for years, you didn't know how else to talk to him.
"do you like me?" you tried to be serious for once in your life.
oscar shrugged. "i don't know— maybe. i haven't thought about it," you nodded, accepting his answer. it was pretty similar to how you were feeling. "do you like me?"
you moved to sit next to him on the couch. "i probably would if you kissed me again," you said honestly. "it was a pretty good kiss.”
oscar tried to conceal his smirk, 'cause he knew you'd make some sort of snappy comment if you saw. he hummed. "yeah it was."
you clenched your jaw, glancing at oscar who was staring at you again. your eyes moved down to his lips and back up again. you leaned closer, inches away from his face, and when he didn't pull back, you leant forward and kissed him again.
oscar kissed back almost straight away, his hands touching your waist and pulling you closer. you deepened the kiss, your hands roaming to the back of his neck so you could get as close as possible. you were practically on top of him before you had to pull away for air.
breathing heavily, you retracted your arms and stared at him kind of hopelessly. "yeah that was definitely worth doing again."
oscar couldn't help but let out a soft smile, which you couldn't help but mimic.
"you're actually really pretty when you're not being a pain in the ass," you scoffed at his comment.
"i'm pretty all the time," you nudged his shoulder, jokingly.
he hummed, shrugging. "maybe a little."
"what does this mean?"
he shrugged for a the millionth time. you wanted to shove him and tell him to use his words but you decided against it. what it meant was that he wanted to kiss you again and again, but he didn't feel confident admitting that yet.
"we'll have to find out."
"could you be more vague—"
"alright. so i like you, you like me, we just keep this up and see where it goes."
you nodded hesitantly. he reached, touching your arm gently. "don't overthink it."
you smiled a little, rolling your eyes. "alright fine."
his hand moved to your ass, pulling you over, mumbling come 'ere. which you did, you rolled over, straddling him where he sat. you sat back, watching him take all of you in. you felt like you could get used to this. it was definitely better than a smack in the face with a pillow.
#oscar diaz imagines#oscar diaz masterlist#oscar diaz x reader#oscar diaz imagine#oscar diaz#oscar#diaz#on my block imagines#on my block masterlist#on my block#omb#omb masterlist#omb imagine#omb imagines#cesar diaz imagines#cesar diaz#cesar#monse finnie#jamal turner#ruby martinez#jasmine flores
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Merry F*cking Christmas
A Christmas’ lover Henry x a holiday hater Reader
Trigger: angst; couple fighting; a few tears - but also fluff.
A/N: I came up with this story after thinking about why I hate Christmas and the experiences of reader are some things that actually happened to me. This story is like my own Xmass coping mechanism 🤣
Kal cocked his head, letting his tongue out; it looked as if he was smiling while watching his daddy decorate the tree.
You loved your boyfriend more than words could express but, Gosh, it annoyed so much how much he loved Christmas. There were still a few days until the holiday and, he was already planning the celebration: choosing the food, the music, the movies you two would watch after midnight and on Christmas’ day. Henry went as far as choosing the outfit he wanted to wear that night.
The big puppy walked across the room to where you were sitting, while drinking beer and watching tv while rolling your eyes, annoyed at your boyfriend’s jolly Christmas’ mood. The Akita stared at you for a few moments, as if he was trying to decipher something.
“Leave her Kal, mommy hates Christmas,” Henry said with a playful tone. “But, hopefully, once this baby is done, the Christmas spirit will possess her.” he finished, smirking. Once more, you rolled your eyes as you got up and went into the kitchen to grab another beer and to prepare dinner while Mr Christmas was busy decorating the tree.
“Voilà!” your man exclaimed excited once you were back on the room. The tree was fully decorated and it looked like one of those that you see on movies - or a small version of the ones that are on malls/shopping centres.
He was expecting a different reaction than the one you got: shrugging and sitting on the couch. Any other person would have given up by that point but not Henry; he was determined to get you to enjoy the holidays.
After a moment, he sat next to you and hold mistletoe over you and with a playful smile he asked for a kiss. In any other circumstances, you would not hesitate and would agree immediately but now it was different: this was not an “I love you kiss” this was a form for you to agree that you were ok with all that Christmas’ sh*t. You looked at him, irritated and fix your eyes on the tv again.
No matter how annoyed you looked, Henry would not simply give up. He insisted to get you on a holiday mood. He would put songs and dance around with Kal, among other things. Finally, as you turned off the stove because dinner was ready, he approached you and put a Santa hat that he got for you as a surprise.
“STOP! SERIOUSLY; STOP IT!” you shouted angrily while grabbing the hat and throwing it on the floor and walking away,
It must have been around 8 pm. All daylights were gone and now the only light was the one provided by the moon. You were sitting on the garden, wishing you would have brought a blazer because it was freezing outside. Around half an hour after being there in the cold of the night, you felt a cosy and warm blanket on your back. You didn’t need to look to know who provided you with it.
“Thank you,” you said without looking at him.
“You’re welcome” he replied after sitting by your side. He also stared at the moon. “I didn’t want to bother you but, I didn’t want you to freeze either,” he explained.
Minutes went by as you sat in silence looking at anything but each other. This was the first year together and you never have fought - maybe you had one or two small arguments, but nothing like that.
“I’m sorry I tried to force you to like Christmas when I now you don’t. It was selfish of me. I’m truly sorry” he apologized as he fixed his eyes on you, waiting for a response.
“I’m sorry I shouted at you. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry for that” you replied as you looked at him, feeling bad for your earlier outburst.
“You don’t need to apologize for that, it’s okay.”
“No, it’s not,” you replied as you sighed. “I should never scream at you, especially not for something as silly as that. It’s just that... I don’t...” you were having a hard time finding the words to explain things up “ The reason I hate Christmas is that they bring up memories and feelings that I don’t want.” you confessed “I used to love Christmas. When I was a child, I loved the holidays as much as you do but, when I was around 13 or 14, my parents decided to stop going to my uncle’s house to celebrate it with the rest of the family. For then on, we would just stay at our house and “celebrated it” on our own. But, to be honest, I was the only one on the mood to do so; the rest would not even dress up for it. Then, we would fight constantly and after a few years, we ended up eating at different times and the celebrations ceased. I tried a few times to celebrate it with friends but something bad would always happen. One time a friend broke up with her boyfriend and we all had to witness the fight and it was awful.” You looked at the grass, as you took a moment before continuing. “Has ever happened to you to speak happily about something you love and nobody listened to you so you pretend that you didn’t say a word to avoid looking stupid and the humiliation of being completely ignored? Well, that’s exactly what I do. The “I hate Christmas” narrative is my coping mechanism. If I hate the holidays, I cannot be hurt when other people don’t give a f about it.” As you finished your explanation, you realized something that you haven’t thought about before you put your feelings into words “Which is exactly what I’m doing to you...sh*t! I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel ignored and silly for loving the holidays” you apologized profusely.
“Don’t worry about it,” he replied as he grabbed your hand and kissed it. “But now that I know that you do enjoy Christmas, why don’t we celebrate it properly? Making gingerbread cookies, music and all stereotypical things that seemed lame but are cute?” he proposed with a big smile.
“Because I don’t want to get enjoy Christmas if there’s a possibility of losing that.”
“What do you mean by that?” he asked confused.
“What if someday we broke up? The last thing I need is another reason for this time of the year to be painful” you admitted.
“What makes you think we would break up? I don’t know about you but, I don’t see this relationship ending. I just don’t.” he told you as he smiled “I don’t want to live my life in the “what if”, scared; I rather live my life to the fullest and if that happens, I’ll deal with it afterwards. To prevent me from enjoying things out of the possibility of someday those things becoming painful memories is insane because they cannot be painful if you didn’t enjoy them. A hurtful memory becomes that because at one point it made you happy.”
His resonated with you. You have never thought about it. He was right, it was silly not to enjoy something out of fear of losing it.
After a sweet, reconciliation kiss, you stood up and walked towards the warm house to eat dinner and to take pictures with the amazing tree that he decorated.
You can find more of my writings in the Masterlist
#henry cavill#henry cavill fanfic#henry cavill fanfiction#henry cavill one shot#henry cavill x reader#demivampirew
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I wouldn’t say that JK was uncomfortable in that clip but he did look like he wasn’t in the mood to me & that’s ok imo !!! lol I’m a hardcore Kookmin lover and that’s what I saw in his face. Everyone can see and interpret different things. Couples or people that are super close with each other are allowed to be annoyed with each other every once and a while.
I’m a firm believer that small instances like that don’t disprove anything for me as much as the super close moments they have-often might I add- don’t necessarily prove anything for some other people.
I, for one, still think they have a really close relationship that goes beyond just friendship & a 1 second clip of Jungkook looking like he wanted to say ‘Really Jimin??, we’re doing this right here and now???’ does not mean that they aren’t close or that Jungkook is ‘uncomfortable’ with Jimin touching him or being close to him. Now THAT narrative is absolute bullshit.
I have received many asks like this or similar to this or just all up about JK's reactions, so I will answer them all in one ask, because I don't want to repeat myself. These are the asks I received (all your voices will be heard):
Ask2:
u cant blame people for thinking jk is not comfortable with jimin because everytime jm does something with him he looks annoyed as hell
ask 3:
Look I've been a supporter since 2017 and Jikook has never once made me cringe or feel awkward. JK has literally almost kissed JM and brushed lips with him and just smiled and never looked awkward. Whatever is happening with Jikook the last several months JK looks stiff and odd anytime JM interacts with him. If he is with JM, then they need to have a talk, cause All I've seen all day long is people calling JM an assaulter and homewrecker and they all say its because of JKs reactions every time.
Ask 4:
If they are broke up, JM needs to learn boundaries. If they aren't, then JM needs to have a long serious talk with JK, cause new army's coming in are already convinced JM makes JK uncomfortable. JK shouldn't have to change to please others, but if JM is his boyfriend, he needs to stop acting repulsed or annoyed or stone faced when JM touches him, cause people feed off his reactions. He fuels it. It really looks like he doesn't want JM touching him if thats the case he needs to leave JM alone too
Ask 5:
JM has looked like an extremely clingy boyfriend lately and usually I love that, I love it even more when its JK being bold and clingy, but the last several months JK's reactions make me cringe for JM. I definitely think JM is over the separation shit, the way RM rolls his eyes or they have to lie and he's probably over everyone shipping his boyfriend with his best friend, but JK isn't going a long with his boldness cause he probably is worried. I just hope this doesn't cause them more problems.
Ask 6:
Either they broke up or JK has become more private about their relationship, because there is no more excuses for JK's reactions toward JM anymore. He KNOWS JM is being hated on every single time they interact, esp here lately and he is doing NOTHING to change the narrative. Therefore its either cause they really aren't together and JK really is uncomfortable or the company told them to tone it down and JK's worried and stiffens up around JM. Its not funny anymore JM is getting formal complaints
Ask 7:
I'm tired of jikook interacting thing when it's only jimin interacting with jungkook and jungkook looks like he's in a funeral. I believe jm likes him but the narratives y'all create about jungkook are so different from his actual reactions and everyone can see that and it's the only reason jimin gets so much hate.
Ask 8:
JM deserves someone who treats him equally. Its clear JK has tapped out of whatever they have and JM isn't letting go. 2017, 2018, 2019 JK would not treat JM this way. In fact, it seemed like JK was ready to tell the world he was dating JM. His boldness in front of cameras, then. He never shunned/made JM look bad. If I did not know Jikook's relationship, I would think JM was an aggressor who makes JK uncomfortable cause that is how it reads no matter how hard we defend it. JK doesn't deserve JM.
Ask 9:
i cried so much today, honestly fuck jungkook. i hope jimin realizes how their "interactions" look on camera and sticks to his word of not even talking to him
ask 10:
JM is telling us one thing, JK is telling us another. Every time something happens with Jikook, its usually because of JM and JK looks uncomfortable, then JK will wear green & purple. JM leans on JK butter pic, JK wears green & purple shirt next day. JM trying to have moments with JK at muster, net day, JK wears purple & green earrings. I'm guessing JK will wear purple & green together soon again. JM deserves better, cause that's not cool if JK is his boyfriend and its not cool of JM if Jk's not
Ask 11:
It's not the same anymore with Jikook and Jk is the main reason. His actions towards Jimin is why its hard to continue defending Jikook. If they're together, then JK needs to treat him better period. I'm not saying he has to kiss his boyfriend in public or shout he's mine, but stop flinching, cringing and sitting there with a pissed look when he interacts if he's your boyfriend. If he's not, set boundaries and leave JM alone and stop leading him on. I'm scared for JM. BH might let him go.
Ask 12:
Genuine Q, why does everyone say jungkook is clingy with jimin? Even always behind the scenes is jimin clinging to him, looking for the tiniest way to interact with him and jungkook is always a passive receptor of all his affections. I like them together but seeing so many people say things I have never seen makes me confused and it's frustrating. Even lee hyun hugged jimin today more friendly than jungkook ever has. ANd I don't mean a 'backhug'.
Ask 13:
If he's going to be fond of JM, I'd rather he show it rather than leave JM out to dry.
So, here we go.
First thing I have to say is, please everyone take a big breath, let it out and lets start talking here.
I will start by saying that neither JK nor JM ow us a thing!! JK doesn't have to prove to us he likes or loves or wants JM, and visa versa.
If they choose to show us, every once in a while, it's their prerogative, not our right.
So, if JK loves JM, if they are in a relationship, it's JM he has to show he loves him, not us.
Where were all of you when JK was practically forcing his arms around JM to hug him after the recording of the Black swan performance? JM clearly didn't seem pleased at that moment. Were you discecting his reaction then? Either way, if your answer to the question is yes or no, you need to stop for a second and think why you were.
Moving on.
JK is not impassive to JM. JK is not hating what JM does. JK is being JK.
I have said this soooo many times before. JK in control of a situation is not the same JK caught off guard or surprised.
When JK is caught off guard he goes into a panic mode of sorts. Many times it looks like a total shut down. Freeze mode, if you wish to call it that. Resting bitch face is also good here.
When JK is in control of a situation he is happy, he is bold, he, in his mind, knows what he’s doing, where he is taking things and f**k the consequences, as far as he is concerned (at least for that split second he decides to do his crazy).
When JK is not in control and caught off guard he loses it. This is a shy introvert that suffers from anxiety. Please don’t let his stage persona confuse you.
JK isn’t uncomfortable with JM. He loves him. And even if you don’t believe they are a couple, I’m sorry, but that is something no one can deny, JK’s love for JM.
JK is an adult, he can be pretty assertive when he wants to. Yes, there is the age hierarchy, but he has shown us on more than one occasion that if he doesn’t want someone to hug him or touch him, he will push them off. We need to understand this. If JK didn’t want JM to touch him, he would push him off. If JK didn’t want JM to jump on him, he wouldn’t have caught him, it’s not like JM would have fallen on the ground. Do I have to remind just how many times JK has lifted JM and loved every single time he has done it.
But you ask, why a big smile on his face then and not this time?
Again, he knew what was coming then, he had control over the situation. He wasn’t caught off guard.
That’s JK, that’s who he is, and you cannot expect him to change who he is, how he reacts, how his face looks just because it doesn’t look good on camera to you, just because fans will dissect it to pieces and then go all nasty and turn it against the one person he loves most.
You can’t turn it on him.
It’s on the fans that as far as I am concerned shouldn’t be even called fans. The haters that instead of loving BTS and all their members are busy trying to break them down.
I will say this both to JM and JK stans:
Those are your bias, each one of them. And you bias loves the other one, JK loves JM and JM loves JK (no matter the level of love, friend, boyfriend, partner, they love each other).
You claim to love them, so how can you point so much anger and hate towards the one person they love so much????
If you don’t have something good to say, don’t say it. Because, saying something bad about the one your bias loves, well, don’t you think it would hurt them too???
Your bias, the person you claim to admire, care for, support, he chose to love this other person. Why don’t you give him some credit that he knows what he’s doing? That if that other person was treating him badly, he would no longer be with him, no longer gravitate towards him. No one is forcing him to always, always, be by his side, rub his neck, hug him, talk about him (always positive things, at that, unless it’s giving us information we didn’t really need to know about the other, like how long they shower, how loud they snore, who they were with at 4 am etc.).
PLEASE give your bias the well deserved credit that he knows what his wants and needs are. If JM didn’t want to be with JK, if he felt his needs weren’t being met, he wouldn’t be with him. Same said about JK.
They know how to disconnect, how to distance themselves and still stay professional, and yet, they choose to be at each other's side. That should say something to you.
So, my suggestion to you is to just leave them alone. Yes, I said it.
Let them be who they want to be. We cannot impose our needs for JK to show TKK’s he likes it when JM goes on the way he does on JK. He is who he is. If JM is unhappy with it, well he won’t put up with it, believe me. He is not a damsel in distress and doesn’t need the fans to save him from mean ole’ JK. JM is a strong ass man, I’ve said this many times before. He can take care of himself, and believe me, if he had a problem with JK’s reaction, the boy knows how to deal with it without fans coming to his rescue.
Fans need to stop inserting themselves into these young men’s lives. We are spectators, no more no less.
If you can enjoy them while understanding that, great. If not, well maybe the right thing is to take a breath, re-evaluate things and then come back.
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Headcanons for Founders trio with an s/o who's a bookworm 📚
I don’t know if this has been done before but I myself am a bookworm and when this idea came, it was funny to imagine how each of the founders would react to having a partner who’s passionate about books
Ps: I’m sorry that I’m not capable of writing a short list of headcanons okay I really try but I can’t sorry
Fandom: Naruto | Founders trio
Symbols: 💗 | ◼ | ▶▶
Hashirama
First of all, I don’t see him as a book lover, but neither he’s book hater. He’s just the average person who can live in peace with the fact that there are books in this world without being too attached or disgusted by them
This is bc he probably has some trauma from reading caused by the huge piles of paper he has to deal in his office (he tries to avoid them by procrastinating and then begs for his brother’s help)
But he has a genuine interest in your passion bc well, he loves you, which means he loves almost everything about you and believes that understanding this hobby is a way to understand you as a person
And bc of that he always goes with you when you say you want to go to the library or the bookstore
Hashirama is the guy who’s capable of getting excited with your enthusiasm though he’s not really into the same stuff as you
So he will have so much fun following you around those corridors and shelves full of books
And will analyze every book cover you show him aka agree with all of your reviews on the covers bc he trusts your capacity of analyzing things
He will also hear when you talk about your favorite plots, characters, writing styles and quotes
If you get indecisive between one book and other you certainly will he will try to help you make up your mind by telling you that “this one’s cover is prettier than the other’s” or “I think this one will have more exciting adventures”
He will be content whether you choose this book or the other, and will laugh if you decide to get them both
Plus: Hashirama is good at spoiling his s/o so he will insist on buying any book you lay your eyes on to the point you’ll have to argue for him to let you pay for your own books
And when it’s time to go home, he will help you with the piles of books you borrowed from the library or bought from your favorite bookstore (with a significative % of discount ofc)
So we can agree that despite not having a great love for books, Hashirama will be the most fun company for a bookworm like you ��
But this doesn’t extend to the occasions when you recommend something for him to read
He always promises he will read that book soon but you know he’s going to forget that the book exists right after you leave it with him and will only remember it when you ask it back 😐
Tobirama
Now, with this guy things are way different
Bc if you think of yourself as a bookworm, Tobirama says GET READY TO KNOW WHAT REALLY MEANS TO BE A BOOKWORM
Seriously, he has been reading since he can remember. It’s a part of him as much as the shinobi life
He reads absolutely anything. Politics? Yes. History? Ofc. Poetry? Same. Cookbook? He had already gave it a try. And do not let him start with Science 🔍
And he has a prodigious memory for what he reads, so he’s capable of spotting any book he has in his personal library with his eyes closed, so that even if you remember only one quote from the book, he will find it for you
The best part of this is that you can talk about anything about any book bc Tobirama probably has read it and will understand your point, and if he hadn’t read it yet, it’s just a question of time until he adds it to his collection
Or he will make comparisons between this book and others that are similar to it that he already has and that’s what he does to understand the whole point
The connection that comes from this is something unique. Your love for him grows as much as your love for the books you read
But everything has its dark side, and in this case it’s called COMPETITION
I’m sorry to give you such sad news, but Tobirama is that person who can turn the most innocent hobby into a competition if he feels threatened thinks you’re becoming more experienced than him in it. So expect to see him become a bit petty
He will not start a proper fight but you will sense that he’s getting into discussions about trivial details more often. He doesn’t need an invitation: if you say something that he mildly disagrees, he will discuss it until he convinces you of his pov (or you say you give up)
If you’re really into discussions and such, you might enjoy it like a sport. However, if you don’t like conflicts, I feel sorry for you lmao
If it extends for too long, it will become a reason for a serious fight, because he will get to the point of saying that “you need to refine your taste for books a little” or that “you should slow your pace in order to pay more attention to what you’re reading and have a better understanding of the book’s subject”
If things get to this point the only person who will be able to help you to make amends is Hashirama. But I hope it never happens
Now, the biggest advantage of being Tobirama’s s/o and loving books is that you almost never need to buy books, bc he’s the owner of the greatest library in the village (he has all the books you won’t find in the public library)
Ofc you manage to buy some, but you don’t use to do book hauls because you don’t wanna end up broken he always gets the books you want
That doesn’t mean you two don’t spend time out on bookstores and get back home late sometimes ❤
Madara
Can’t believe I couldn’t find that gif of him reading a book with his Sharingan
I don’t know but Madara and books in the same sentence sounds peculiar to me lol
I think his attitude towards books is similar to Hashirama’s in some points, except that he promptly recognizes the importance of books as knowledge and intelectual development’s tools. But in general terms he’s not the most passionate person about them
The thing is that he prefers activities outside the house, that push him to the limits of his body. You know, with this man it is about the PHYSICAL
So things like staying indoors, enjoying a good book doesn’t have appeal to him. You might love it, but to him it sounds a bit tedious
But he respects and admires this preference of yours. It’s good to see his s/o engaging in a healthy and safe activity
Sometimes, when he gets home, he might ask casually what you are reading this time, but this is not to be understood as an invitation to a long talk. He just came home, he’s tired and the last thing he wants is to hear about things in which he’s not quite interested, so it’s better just to say the book’s title or the genre
If he’s in a good mood, he will sit by your side and watch you while you read. Getting close to you and observe what you’re doing is a habit of him no matter what task you’re performing, but seeing you immersed in something you’re passionate about is different
He likes to pay attention to the way your eyes go through the lines, your lips move to repeat the characters’ sentences, your expression changing to follow your emotions and the delicate manners with which your fingers touch the pages
If you stop reading to look at him, he won’t even try to disguise 😁
And if you ask him what is it, he will just smug and continue to stare at you
Observing you is like a hobby to him, it’s his way to get in touch with you
Now, talking about your readings is something complicated when you have a partner like Madara
I believe the best way to talk about books with him is doing it indirectly. For example, instead of saying things like “I’ve read it in a book that if you…”, just say “Maybe it’s just the case that they will…”. Just bring out the idea itself and leave the source aside
He knows that you probably found it in one of your books, but he will not be bothered. Instead, he will praise the fact that your readings turn you into a smart and observing person, with a deep understanding of the world and its people
As you can imagine, going with you to buy books is to him what going with a s/o to buy shoes is to other men. Yes, he is that guy that tries to make you walk in another direction so that you won’t pass in front of a bookstore or the village’s library bc he knows that once you step into these places, you won’t leave so soon
Bc of this you use to go alone to do your book hauls or to ask your friends to go with you. Sometimes you wish you could make Madara change his mind, for you love his company, but you’re ok knowing that it’s not going to happen and try to concentrate on being in good terms with him ❤
#naruto headcanons#founders trio#hashirama#hashirama headcanons#tobirama#tobirama headcanons#madara#madara headcanons#konoha#bookworm#book lover
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I gotta rant ... Eh ok 🐺 n moody. this post ...I’m just repeating things & stuff.
I feel like I can't go on Twitter or say something cos .. I don't wanna argue. Don't @ me 🙈 yet I go make posts. 🙃
I feel annoyed cos there's positive posts about Caryl out there and I just want them to get it and not be upset(and make anti-Caryl-like posts). But oh well then. Some are just negative always so. Anyway, it's hard to wait for the ep and be bored and wanting to see random Caryl fluff stuff & meta.
I looked at Twitter and stuffff 😾 ...its awkward. Tumblr is a safe place I guess.
I feel like screaming ..”We are in the angst arc now!” This arc is like making it possible~ for Caryl to be romantic potentional (not bffs) and though dramatic but I'm sure Caryl is endgame. It seems to be that way IMO. Especially since Leah is similar to Carol. Things are changing. I feel we’re starting a new Caryl-chapter that is romantic-like and angsty. Well, I’ve been calling it s10C with those bonus episodes. I would think it’s a bad sign if Carol didn’t react jealous or so about Leah or something, and if writers didn’t make the episode about Caryl overall.
The weird thing is that I thought I would be having unpopular opinions or be awkward in the Caryl-fandom when the spin-off show starts because of some TWD/non shippy related storylines that may happen. Like I might quit or something. So it's like oh ok so it’s now and not after the twd show. Oof surprising ..
And that I was like on the FENCE and upset back when CZ was going on in s9. Anyway Idk why it’s different with Daryl/Leah. Maybe, with CZ it was sudden and Kang just started to showrun. So I didn’t know much how the writers will do. Now I think I do..and I think Leah/Daryl is CZ 2.0 as in they are not endgame.
I guess people like angsty fics (with happy endings) but not when there's angst in tv shows of your ship or fave character. I forget that(in any fandom). People don't like angst. There's always fandom drama when it happens. I feel like some Carylers quit and dropped out of the angsty story midway of it, we're not done. There are like 24 episodes ep to go. And idk how it will go and how spin-off will go. So whatever is good for you or ...try to follow the narrative. Idk..I’m expecting big new drama coming. I'm sure there is a happy ending thing later on from this angst arc. Like the spin-off show is coming later on or could be around s11B. Maybe I'm good at spotting angst arcs and figuring things will be fine. Idk I just try to follow the narrative and if it's not going too bad then it's gonna be ok...and if I still like/interested in what writers are doing. The ep Diverged already looks positive for Caryl in the angst arc to me. And that it's all still overall about Caryl.
Idk but guys .. If there's angst and about romance things, then that's a big deal. Writers are starting to make Caryl possibly to make them romantic and not platonic. Like they've been doing that since s10 actually or.. S9f. !!! ...s10 is so Caryl-y. 💕
Awhile ago I wanted some kind of Caryl / Daryl angst fic set in s9. Those time jumps. Like when Daryl would be jealous of Zeke, and pining Carol for years and would love/hate her visits to him in the woods. (He was so depressed) Anyway tv writers are exploring more in that area now lol. Idk it's like Kang planned it. She added this subtle angst in S9...and then was like” no wait this is good angst.” I'm still shocked how s9 finale went. So then it becomes this sad Daryl angst with Carol visiting him a bit and Leah leaving him. And then Caryl kinda restarting their bond in s10.
So I think there'll be a love triangle plot and it might be planned before. Maybe with Connie at first but now it's with Leah because LR is too busy or writers wanted to do it differently. I mean... Caryl very possibly canon and endgame or Carol wouldn’t be breaking up with Zeke and be single...and episodes being about Caryl & spinoff show.
Sigh people talking about Daryl. It's confusing. It's like they want to hate on him right away. Maybe Daryl is bit different than we thought but still Daryl. We haven't seen the ep yet..to explain why he does the things he did. He's not abusive .. He's frustrated and he argued. Maybe it's a Carol stan thing... But I know Carol was on rage and even went too far... And still did what is right and is still a good person. Anyway idk they need to talk and rebuild their trust again. Just ...normal relationship things and they will be fine like in 3 episodes. Again all this drama is about Caryl when he’s upset/projecting? about Connie (and Leah?).
And the whole love/sex thing, I don't get why that makes him OOC and calling it a fling. Maybe in the show it will make more sense to how Daryl are things with love/sex. I still think he's like a slow burn kind if dater or lover. It's so crazy to expect that one person he dates is his one true love. Like how? And how lucky that is though? Anyway .. ‘Slowburn dater’ makes sense to me..cos people do make mistakes. And based on spoilers he knew Leah for awhile so it's not a fling. And Leah is IMO similar to Carol...so = first love is still Caryl in a way. Is Leah even his first love? The point is I still think Daryl is still Daryl.
Ok so looking at haters’ tweets and lol I know its bad but OMG they really are spite-shippers and they just wanna hate on Caryl and Carylers. ‘Gee what about your ship?’ I see a *few comments from them worried about Leah and a few that were like ‘oh wait Daryl had been in a relationship before’-their headcanons a bit ruined. Anyway I feel more and more confident that D0nnie isn’t happening or even be in majority in, what I think, a love triangle plot. It’s gonna be Caryl vs Daryl/Leah. (idk if it’s in a big way or subtle way in s11.) It’s not gonna be D0nnie vs Daryl/Leah and then oh look Caryl spin-off show. So...I don’t think C0nnie will be into this plot much. And yeah ...,to me, the endgame is still Caryl because of the spinoff show.
Maybe it’s a subtle something love triangle plot...and Leah is actually comic Pamela..or Sherry or something. If’s writers actually wrote it in a way that’s based on comic Carl, Sophia, and Lydia. That would be cool but Idk how that works by adapting that. Anyway, we’ll know more about Leah later on. I still think she’s for plot device. L is for comic!Lydia. lol
Also another rant I guess... some people are just always negative so .. yeah. Try to avoid the negativity then. Some of them ..are still here so I guess they’re still positive about Caryl without saying it.
idk I guess I see what I think the writers are trying to do for s10C and s11. And I’ll feel more confident in my thoughts once I see the each episode. So far I think Caryl is endgame.
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Dolly Parton, donated a million dollars to the research of a covid vaccination. One company that she helped, has a promising vaccine they’re working on. Dolly Parton, is love.
The people we are, is determined by our actions. Our feelings start the chain, and then beliefs, and our intentions around those beliefs, then our thoughts come in almost simultaneously to those, then boom! Action, or in action, depending on our motivation to do. So that’s the explanation of how we live life daily. Dolly Parton, moved straight from feelings to action. Love does that sometimes. Love has no hesitation. But you, as a person have to choose. Act, or not. Love, or not.
“But my intentions are good. I mean, I want to help, but people have more money than I do, or other people are on it already, or she’s famous so people who are famous should be doing that kind of thing as an example to those who aren’t, and I’m busy, and my moneys tied up now, and my time is limited, and the issues are being tended to by the powers that be that aren’t me, and I’m tired, and no ones helping me, so why should i help...” and love? Well... not very apparent.
Being a person who aids to the whole is not always about money. Money, isn’t people. Money, is a by product of energy. It’s not an energy alone, unless you make it one. “That person with money... a douche. They’re rich because they don’t share. Selfish, and doesn’t give to the causes I believe in, so pinchy and tight and mean, and...” well, that’s one way to view money. Another is this, “that rich person, shouldn’t be defined as a “rich” person. They are a person, like me, who does things to help society as a whole. Probably a lot of things that I personally don’t know about, because I’m not open to hearing about the rich people who do good things. Maybe I’m sour applesauce, cause I want to do good things on a greater scale too. Maybe, I can follow their lead, and do what I can do to help from the position I’m in, and maybe, I don’t have to judge all rich people, as bad.” Another, more peaceful and fair way to approach life.
Our choices about our beliefs can either help or hinder us. Some beliefs we hold are lighter, and some super heavy, so we need help holding them.... “jeez, look at her! Pft! Rich! Whatever... isn’t it repulsive? All that money? And her, with that money? Please...”
Another person who holds a similar belief: yeah! Who does she think she is? She’s rich, so she thinks a, b, AND c even though I have no clue what she believes, or anything about her personally. Also, I’ve heard, and read that she is a lover of other people with money only. That is not me, so she’s terrible, and a hater.
1st person: that’s it. I’m done with rich people altogether. They can all stay in their offices and look down at me and judge. Screw them and their businesses.
2nd person: yeahhh...
And so on, and so forth. Maybe, instead of finding like minded people who focus on, and believe in the lack in me, like I do, I can find people who are willing to see the money and the money people, as decent human beings, also like me. Or better yet, instead of finding new people to talk to, introduce the option of inclusion into your daily conversation instead of how it went down above. Inclusion in belief, helps change the social dynamic of the whole, of yourself, and others. It changes your energy, to happier, more peaceful. Holding judgements, is not comfortable. And the only person really in control of your load, is you. (Pun intended)
The same is on the flip side. “Those people are soooo needy. Jeez! Get a job already! How do you think I got where I am today?! I worked my ass off! And I give, and it’s still not enough. And they’re bitter, cause they feel like I don’t give enough. Well what are they doing for themselves?! Please... I’m also afraid that they’re going to take... a lot, and I’m not into it. So let them be them, I do what I can. I’m busy, and I can only do so much... besides, they’re lazy, and different, and not of our social standing. I don’t know them, so they must be... wrong...” The same rules apply as above. Those people find others that believe the same thing as they do:
Person 2: yes! Pure jealousy, that’s all it is. We are workers, and doers, and they are not. They don’t deserve what we have, cause we are the people who bust our ass so we can have the American dream. It’s available to everyone, why don’t they do the same?!
Person 1: yeahhhh.
Maybe, instead of apathy, a little more inclusion can be helpful. But our beliefs dictate who we resonate with, and who we surround ourselves with on a daily basis. I think it’s telling, that I basically have only a handful of people that I associate with anymore. I am tired, of exclusivity, on both sides of the coin. But I’m doing the same exact thing I accuse everyone else of, I’m excluding myself from people I feel have hurt me.
For years I have been apathetic about my energy. I have made excuses about why I don’t fit in with anyone, and have essentially made it a self fulfilling prophecy. I tried a number of times to attempt to get myself out of the socioeconomic tier that I’m in, for the betterment of me and my family, but my underlying beliefs (energy) have always been a factor in my efforts. So what you feel, and think, and subsequently do, affects everyone and everything. And the same applies for how you feel, and think about yourself. All of your decisions are based on how you feel. So, check in. How do you feel, about you?
Right now? Honestly? I don’t feel so hot. I just reactivated some shit energy as examples above, and now I yelled at my son for trying to be goofy, and get my attention even though I’ve told him over and over I am trying to concentrate on writing. Shit flows downhill, as the saying goes. What did he do? Your thoughts, affect the whole, whether you realize it or not. By the by, I apologized. It’s not his fault his mom... is a failure in her career. Another belief I’m trying to overcome. And I’m not having the best time of it, truth be told.
The feeling of lack, can only be rectified from within ourselves. No one can convince me otherwise, until I convince myself, by focusing on positive examples of myself not lacking. But I have to look for it first, recognize it, and acknowledge it. If I believe I’m a failure, then I’m going to find situations and people who support that belief.
Honesty, with love, helps bridge the gap between anger (hate) and love. The love of self, is something I’ve been struggling with for years now. And I’m starting to recognize that my self talk, influences that. Honesty without love, is harsh. It may be true, but shit! That shit hurts! I’ve been honest both in and out of love, to a lot of people, due to my own hurt that lies not so latently inside of me. Lately, I’ve been erupting like a frickin volcano. I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok... BOOM! Where the HELL did THAT come from?!? Well, I didn’t share my feelings about how I feel like I’ve been treated for awhile that I haven’t been ok with, and/or, you didn’t listen if I did, so I’m out. I do that. I’m a jet plane. I leave, like Daniel in the song Daniel by Elton John. Daniel, left. He left his brother, to wonder why. We do that a lot, by holding on to our hurt and grief from past experiences. Sometimes enough is enough, and entertaining old energy isn’t an option for me anymore. My point is, working on relationships prior to the point of eruption by being open and honest about things, can yield a better outcome, and a better chance of keeping a relationship for a long time.
But I’m waaayyyyy off topic.. Dolly Parton, is a goddess! She is an example of what we should all do, to contribute and include us all in the equation. My husband told me something very valuable the other day, that I preach but barely practice. Instead of focusing on the people who are not into me, or interested in me, or who aren’t like minded, how about focusing on people who I can look up to? People I want to emulate, and maybe then more of those people and opportunities will present themselves to me. Absolutely. If all I see is closed doors, then all I will entertain, is that reality that I myself chose, whether I realize it or not.
So I’m starting to realize that good people come in all shapes and sizes. And Dolly Parton, is Smokey mountain hot! So in her honor, I’m going to wear those jeans posted above, and close this piece with a punny, because that’s one thing that makes me happy. Puns. Laughing. Joy. Not necessarily at others expense, but more situational, cause we’re all human. So let me say this: Dolly Parton, embodies love. I mean.... really embodies it, to the hilt! I mean, comin and goin, she is an ample amount of love! And she shows her love, through her kindness, her actions, and her... huuuuuuuuuuuuuge.... heart, as we all should. ❤️😉
#dolly parton#covid vaccine#covid 19#lovematters#loveyourself#choose love#loveis#love her#lovely#country music#self esteem#self improvement#mindwideopen#kari keillor
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ok but literally what the fuck was s5? i have spent so much time trying to defend clarke and bellamy from people who hate one and prop up the other, but honestly, they were BOTH fucking IDIOTS in s5. they both had ooc moments. like,,,, i can kinda appreciate what the writers were trying to do a lot of the time, but it was not executed well. like AT ALL.
yes, mothers are irrational sometimes about their kids’ safety, but what they are not (normally) is dumb, and i’m sorry, but clarke was dumb as fuck for like half of the season and her motivations were ALL over the place. bellamy is her best friend. she radioed him every day for over six years and ONLY him. she would NEVER just leave him to die like that. NEVER. no matter what he has done, she has always forgiven him. no matter what. that’s what made bellarke bellarke. her unwavering faith in him (and his in her). and yet, he does one (1) thing she disagrees with and she doesn’t even try and hear him out??? she thinks running is the best solution?? that she and madi won’t get hunted down and killed eventually??? that maybe she should not at least consider for one second that maybe staying and fighting while she has people to protect her and madi by their sides would be a smart move??? the answer to all of these is a fucking no. she doesn’t think, and that’s the problem. clarke is the HEAD. idc that she’s supposed to be the “heart” now. people don’t just change like that. it doesn’t matter than it’s been six years, you can’t just change THAT much. okay, i’m not gonna say it’s impossible, but if they wanted us to believe that clarke had changed, why did we not get to SEE that development? she’s supposed to be the heart as a parallel to how bellamy was the heart and how he handled his relationship with octavia back in s1, but we didn’t get to see HOW SHE GOT THERE. we got half an episode. that’s it. and it’s NOT enough!!! it’s fucking not. if you’re gonna have clarke griffin radio bellamy blake every single day for six years, never losing her faith in him for even a day--not even after over a year had passed since he was supposed to have been home already--then you’re gonna have to show me more of the trauma she endured. you’re gonna have to show me more of her relationship to madi--the one that has become more important than any other relationship. because how else do you explain her acting irrationally and leaving bellamy to die like that? it makes ZERO sense. we did not see enough of her development for that. you cannot have four seasons of clarke growing to care about bellamy in the most beautiful development i have ever seen and then just erase it all in one (1) episode, not to mention the fact that clarke REFUSES to destroy the chip!!! so,, this was something she left her best friend in the entire world for and yet she can’t destroy it because it contains the memories of her dead lover who she only spent less than a few weeks with in canon--a week in s2 and a week in s3? are you kidding??? that is not how you pay tribute to a dead character. you don’t fuck over the LIVING female lead and have her motivations make no sense at all to pay tribute to a DEAD guest character. and then they had the audacity to have clarke shock madi?????? everything she did was supposed to be for madi--to protect her--and now the writers had the audacity to have her abuse her??? are you fucking kidding me??? and please show me the parallel scene of bellamy physically harming octavia. because you know, clarke’s supposed to be him now, i guess. oh, wait?? it doesn’t exist!!! BELLAMY never physically harmed octavia so CLARKE also never should have physically harmed madi. i just...bellamy and madi are supposed to be the two most important people in her life and yet she slaps one of them and leaves him to die and then wrestles the other one to the ground and shocks her????? and she never even apologized for slapping bellamy or shocking madi?!?! add that to the fact that clarke hardly showed ANY emotion at all during the entire time she thought bellamy was dead to the point where we didn’t even know that she thought he was dead until she found out he wasn’t!!!!! we’ve already seen how clarke handles thinking she could be the reason that bellamy blake is dead and that was in s2 and she was literally a fucking control freak about his safety 24/7, and you’re telling me that same woman hardly felt anything at all until she found out he was still alive!?!? IDK WHO THAT WOMAN WAS THAT DID THOSE THINGS BUT IT WAS NOT CLARKE GRIFFIN !!!!
and bellamy??? trying to use a child because he thought it was the best way to save everyone? i’m sorry but in what fucking world--i repeat, in WHAT FUCKING WORLD--would bellamy blake, mother father of all children who have ever existed, think that the best way to save everyone would be to use a child as a pawn in a power struggle??? i don’t care that madi agreed. OF COURSE she agreed. she was told clarke would die if she didn’t ascend!! and this is the same child that joined a cult in order to save her mother. so like???? of course she was gonna agree to ascend?? and then i get that bellamy is mad that clarke left him (and slapped him--i was mad too!!), but you’re telling me that bellamy never even felt bad at all or even apologized for how things went down? madi told him clarke would never forgive him for this and he knew that and you could tell he hated that it had come to that, but then later at the end of the season and into s6, he never apologizes for that??? for breaking her trust?? bellamy blake NOT apologizing for causing a loved one harm?? again, IN WHAT FUCKING WORLD?!? and then there’s the fact that he was willing to take the rover and run to save raven, e.cho, murphy and emori but the second clarke suggests that plan because she doesn’t want madi to ascend, suddenly bellamy is all nope nope nope, we can’t do that! like....WHAT. literally what. the. fuck. it makes no sense!! and i swear to god, half the time, it felt like bellamy was just going through the motions with everything. it just didn’t seem like him. it didn’t matter that he was still doing things for clarke, like in 5x03. it didn’t matter because there was still something OFF. even the stuff with octavia i don’t think was handled well at all and i hate octavia!!!! me, a known octavia hater, a known advocate for wanting bellamy to tell his sister off, wasn’t happy with him doing just that???? and it’s because it didn’t feel like it was bellamy doing it!!!! i wanted to see the bellamy i knew and loved in s4. i wanted to see THAT bellamy telling her off. not this emotionally-repressed shell of a character that used to be him. which brings me to another thing: it’s not that who bellamy was after those six years was not realistic. it’s that we didn’t get to see him develop during those six years. there were ZERO flashbacks. Z E R O. for the male lead there were zero flashbacks to explain the man he became and we were just supposed to accept that he’s the kinda guy who jokes about his sister’s almost death now??? the kinda guy who would ever cross the line into dating territory with the girl that is quite literally the root cause of his trauma??? that he would trust her--the girl who got his girlfriend killed--just because “it’s been six years!!!” and “people change???” and you know, we just have to accept ALL of that. no explanation but bellamy running around polis in 5x06 with the sole purpose of being a mouth piece for the writers???? IDK WHO THAT MAN WAS BUT IT WAS NOT BELLAMY BLAKE !!!
jfc, s5 was seriously the WORST season of this show. HANDS DOWN. literally what the fuck was that??? bellamy and clarke, i’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve that complete and utter bullshit. both of them were ooc as fuck and they didn’t make sense half the time. i felt connected to clarke in s5a, but then 5x09 came around and she just fucking lost me!! and bellamy didn’t seem like himself the ENTIRE season. it wasn’t until s6 for me that he finally came back from the war. speaking of s6, oh my fucking god. the bellarke of it all was amazing. i loved josephine as a villain. but that was pretty much it!!! everything else was terrible. i hate that clarke was treated like complete and utter shit by the biggest hypocrites and then was forced to forgive them instantly by the writers. why is clarke not allowed to be mad?!?!?! i certainly still am!! and on another note, why did leaving bellamy in s5 have to be her biggest regret??? why couldn’t it have been leaving him in s2?? we went all the way back to s1 with things she regrets and yet we couldn’t go back to her leaving him at the end of s2???
honestly, i don’t understand why so much of this had to happen. you could literally remove s5 from the timeline of the show and just change a few things and it wouldn’t change anything!!! s5 was basically jroth acting like octavia had never mistreated bellamy before and needed to give him a reason to finally cut her out his life for a little bit. it was jroth acting like clarke had never regretted leaving bellamy before and needed her to leave him so that she could feel like shit about it and give her “friends” a reason to hate her. it was jroth acting like we couldn’t have had bellamy risk everyone for clarke and clarke only in the season directly after he’s forced to leave her to die. it was jroth acting like we couldn’t have had clarke and bellamy talk about her radioing him the season directly after the episode we found she radioed him for 2,199 days. it was jroth acting like s1-4, for the most part, just didn’t exist. it felt like we were watching the pilot of a new tv show. because clearly we weren’t supposed to care about anything that had happened in s1-4! certainly not the relationships that we had grown to love! and here’s the best part!!! we were supposed to forget all about s1-4 in s5, but ONLY in s5. and then we were supposed to remember it all again in s6 so that it made sense when clarke was the only one who had to be called out for nearly every wrong thing she ever did in those seasons. only...it still doesn’t make sense!!! because contrary to what raven reyes believes, other characters on this show have done horrible things, said they were sorry, and then done them again!!!!!!!! it’s like the main fucking theme of the show if you haven’t noticed, jason!!!
okay, i’m done. and wow, it feels good to finally let that out, especially the part about s5 bellamy and clarke both being morons lmfao. because they were!! they are my favorite characters and the only reason i still watch, but even i have to admit they were not themselves.
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Twi YouTube AU?? 👀
dlgjk ok i dont have a coherent au idea i just like the idea of like.
alec being this confident youtuber man who does all sorts of shit, like funny vlogs and maybe some sketches with his siblings or some lets plays or something, idk, he’s just a popular youtuber like, idk, fuckin markiplier or something, you know, kinda does a lot of stuff. maybe some fashion/interior design shit? idk? but like. he’s pretty popular and if there’s any list on tumblr that’s like “some queer creators you should try watching” he’s always up there because he’s pretty open about being gay. maybe at first he wasn’t in the earlier youtube days but he had a pretty emotional coming out video and everyone was like “holy shit”
meanwhile magnus is like, a quietly popular youtuber, you know? kind of a niche audience, but with decent numbers. he does a lot of things, like vlogs about being trans. like, oh my god. magnus documenting his transition? would that even be a thing? wait oh my god is this mundane au, or is this canon? because twi magnus who’s actually a warlock with a youtube channel would be hilarious but maybe not a good idea. you know what? how about a mix. he’s mortal and was born in modern times and all, he’s like the same age as alec–idk why but i’m thinking he’s like a few weeks older or a month or two older than alec and alec jokingly teases him about being old–but he like…. still has magic, because why the fuck not. actually, you know what? fuck it? it’s an au where magic is just openly a thing. not even necessarily canonverse magic, just. some people have magic. magnus does little tutorials and shit, he has a real talent for it and he’s actually really powerful but he hides that. (possible plotline: some paparazzi discover he’s like, a level ten mage, and it’s a scale from 1-10 and 8 is the most powerful u get most of the time, there’s been a few really famous 9s and there’s been one 10 ever and that was fucking merlin. you feel. because why not. idek fuck.) anyway he has little diy make your own magical charms and weaving enchantment and safe summoning circles and tips for writing magical contracts and shit like that. he’s this cute little nerd but he’s like incredibly knowledgeable and he knows how to teach it in a way that’s understandable and accessible? and he answers questions in really clear ways, and he does amazing demonstrations that look so cool people accuse him of editing but he’s just That Good. and he’s like, actually a really well-published wizard/magic scientist, he invented the fucking portal, but probably under a pseudonym because he doesn’t really want the attention. (his last name is fell in honor of his mentor. yes. although if he does multiple ones he may or may not also use loss, santiago, rollins, etc.) anyway he’s just so fucking good, he has all these videos explaining magical theory in pretty easy to understand ways (maybe going from really simple to like “i understand the basics here and am ready for the technical terms but need an overview” videos you know.
also he doesn’t just do magic videos, because i said so. also maybe some blogs, and like. because i want to. some fashion/makeup tips. and it’s weirdly endearing because it’s not something you’d expect since he doesn’t wear makeup that often–although a) there are def gifsets of his full makeup looks on tumblr, and b) when he does occasionally decide to wear lipstick or eyeshadow or whatever, most of his fans are like omg yes!! u look cute! also headcanon: twi magnus wears less makeup in general but he still indulges in nail polish. mostly dark/muted colors on his fingers, but bright silly colors on his toes. NAYWAYWYA
also magnus bane is his chosen name because he wanted something cool and wizardy sounding and undeniably masculine.
also he’s so fucking sweet like look his videos are pretty popular because they’re just handy but he’s not exactly like, a super popular celebrity or anything, you know? but when he does meet fans he’s so incredibly sweet and he does selfies and he’s very appreciative of his followers? he’s so genuine?
and alec is way more popular–not that he’s not kind and appreciative of his followers. it’s just the thing is, magnus and alec are totally opposite sides of youtube. alec is friendly charismatic completely non-magical youtuber, he plays video games with his sister and like, does vlogs and reaction videos and shit you know. magnus is out here with educational tutorials and excited rambles about magical theory. (i feel like sometimes he accidentally starts doing groundbreaking research for a video and forgets to like, publish it first, and people are like wait what the fuck holy shit)
but then they fucking meet.
and a) they’re Instantly smitten. b) this will eventually result in the weirdest collab ever.
like NO ONE would expect magnus bane, tarot reader and tutorial on magic diy and shit, occasionally does makeup videos and little vlogs and talks about Issues sometimes, to collab with typical hot vlogger gamer man alec lightwood. but it happens, and somehow it’s the best fucking thing ever.
i’m not sure how their channels collide. maybe alec plays a game involving magic and magnus talks about all the ways it’s right/wrong but it ends up just being bantering and giggling and magnus may or may not end up leaning into him on the couch their sitting on and giggling as he makes a stupid joke with the character in the game and immediately everyone’s like…… we ship it
not that i support irl shipping but u know how it goes, everyones like “damn they’re cute” and they’re both openly queer so there’s that. i mean, still not cool, but you know
but really tho they keep doing collabs after that and become actual friends and both start kind of….. doing things for each other’s channel? magnus does a thing like “interview with someone who knows nothing about magic” and we just see a total mundane take on magic and honestly it’s really interesting for both of them, we have more “magnus, who’s an Old Soul and despite having a youtube channel is actually not that great with technology, raphael does all the editing, tries to play video games and kinda fails at it but he gets the hang of some of them”?? he likes puzzle games and mariokart, he does NOT like super smash bros because “THE CHARACTER NEVER DOES WHAT I WANT IT TO ALEXANDER” “you’re just jealous bc i beat ur ass” “you wanna play mariokart again, lightwood?!”
magnus does a tarot reading for alec, alec does a vlog with him just like “day in the life of alec lol :P” and there’s moments where he just comes up behind magnus like “hey what’s up” and magnus, who’s in rumpled home clothing, sees the camera and chuckles and kinda half heartedly waves it away, and the audience loses their mind at how cute he looks lkdhjgfh
they just become actual good friends, you know? it’s weird bc you wouldn’t think it would work but it really, really does
also on of alec’s fans at some point tries to make a transphobic crack at magnus during a livestream and alec goes OFF on his ass and it’s trending for the next week, the clip goes viral, it’s like “HIMBO GOES OFF ON HATERS FOR BEING TRANSPHOBIC TO HIS FRIEND/POSSIBLE LOVER?” and alec apologizes to magnus for all the attention it brought them but magnus is like “it’s okay, we can use this” and they end up using the hype to do one of those charity livestreams youtubers do and all the proceeds go to something like mermaids or the trevor project, you feel? they’re like “suck it transphobes look at all this money you got trans ppl” khjfgh
ok but eventually they do get together, not on camera, and while it’s slow at first and kind of secret (from the internet, not from friends and family) they’re also not super subtle. they know they’re not, but they’re just sort of like “it’s no one’s business, we’ll announce it when we’re ready”
and honestly tho they love each other so much
also i’ve just decided it’s not uncommon for strong magic-users, even like, level 4 or 5 and up, to have marks, so while his cat eyes are usually glamoured maybe he showed them after a q&a or in a vlog or something? and there are like. lots of gifsets of this, okay, and like, lots of thirst comments. which are like, this weird mix of slightly uncomfortable, really flattering/validating, and embarrassing (in a good and bad way). anyway, magnus has cat eyes in this au, because i fucking said so.
ANYWAY back to their relationship, they’re in love
how did they meet? maybe at a con they bumped into each other, or a totally random fan was like “y’all should do a collab” and everyone was like “what”
or maybe a mutual friend and fellow youtuber, meliorn, who is a nonbinary youtuber who fucking has a sword don’t question me, introduces them?
idk. but when they meet they hit it off instantly and flirt and end up getting coffee and they don’t date for a while (maybe mutual pining/misunderstandings like “oh he doesn’t like me like that, but it’s okay, we can still be friends :)” or something lkfgjhfgh) but eventually they end up getting together
how? no idea. let me think about it.
idk why but im thinking they’re filming at magnus’s apartment and they’re on his couch and just. late night. they’ve finished up filming but they’re still bantering and maybe playing some video game like mariokart or watching a movie together and just. magnus is leaned all the way into alec, just snuggled up and pressed close against him, alec ends up putting an arm around him, and alec cracks a joke or teases him and magnus sits up a bit to like, poke his chest or flick his nose (you know what i mean? like in an otp person a shifts, still kinda sitting in their lap, and is like [playfully hits shoulder or boops nose or something] and now they’re making eye contact and person b ends up pulling them into a soft kiss???) anyway THEY MAKE EYE CONTACT AND ALEC PULLS HIM INTO A SOFT KISS and alec almost pulls away when he realizes what he’s done but magnus makes this soft little happy noise and leans into him, kissing back, and they just end up kissing for a bit and when they break apart alec is just looking up at him with breathless wonder and magnus is looking down at him with that same soft reverence and alec blurts out something like “you’re magical” and magnus just loses it and he’s giggling and leaning against alec’s chest and alec starts laughing too and magnus can feel the vibrations in his chest and it’s just so nice and pleasant and wonderful and they may or may not end up making out
they have to talk about it in the morning when they end up falling asleep together in magnus’s bed, cuddled close, but they find, to both of their delights, they both want to date and be in a serious relationship and it’s so fucking good ok
they go to dinner and the transition from friendship to romance is a little awkward but so worth it, especially when they realize HEY IT’S BOTH YOU DONT STOP BEING FRIENDS WHEN YOU DATE. i mean like, they didn’t not know that, but it’s like, idk how to explain you know they’re kinda like “are we doing this right” and then they’re like “fuck doing it right we can keep cuddling on the couch and giggling and bantering over stupid shit and watching dumb movies and kicking each others asses in video games it doesn’t matter we just also kiss and have dinner more often and sleep together and also we may or may not be in love”
also they’re That Couple. they’re like straight to the honeymoon, they’re domestic from the first week. magnus is casually doing magic around the house (imagine: he just dyes his hair on a whim and grows it out a little bit and alec is like “i love u no matter how u style ur hair and stuff, and like, ur usual look is so fuckin cute and handsome, but also I Love This.”) but like he’s like (casually summons small ball of light to read book at night) (casually makes alec little protective charms–side note alec def makes him some of these too, but he asks magnus’s old mentor, ragnor, and two of his friends that can do magic, catarina and dot, to enchant it, since he can’t himself, and having magic woven by people who care about him will make it stronger. oh mhyhogfd) and just like. magic used to be something he mostly kept to himself (this def has something to do with his parents–his mom, who he thinks killed herself because of his eyes/magic, his birth dad who’s a powerful sorcerer–level 9, actually, and they think magnus is level 8 for a long time–who was an abusive fuckstick) and then he started doing youtube and it was a kinda show, a gift, something to share, but still not really something he just used openly in front of people he cared about (other than his close friends, since most of them do magic too anyway) but with alec it’s so easy to do that casually?? it’s so easy to just feel comfortable and safe????? yes
anyway they do eventually “come out” as boyfriends, maybe something short and sweet like just. a tweet of magnus sleeping curled up on alec’s chest and he’s like “god i love my boyfriend
they were already not subtle but now that they’re not hiding it they’re so fucking blatantly in love tbh. they do one of those boyfriend tag videos and it’s fucking adorable, at high request they do some couples games kind of videos, like the newlywed game and fuck marry kill (mostly on alec’s channel but magnus has a few, too) and it’s just HIGH QUALITY FUCKING CONTENT
also originally i was just thinking something along the lines of “in canon verse, twi alec is instagram famous/famous on social media and he gets cute tarot boyfriend and is like look at my cute boyfriend and then magnus’s small insta account mostly for his business gets a fuck ton of new followers and alec’s gets a considerable amount too” and now i’m imagining everyone from their respective audiences first thirst-following the other, then actually getting invested
but really tho they’re the internet’s hottest couple for a while it’s great
for some reason i’m picturing them doing a live tour now, with like, accessible tickets and magnus does magic live on stage and idek what else they’d do tbh but it’d be fun as fuck
anyway this au got away from me
me: i dont have any real coherent ideas
also me: [vomits a 2,500+ word ESSAY]
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[ MUSE 82 ] ●● is that TOM HOLLAND? no, that’s just troy sinclair, the 20 year old cismale who is a 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐆𝐄 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐈𝐎𝐑. some say they’re entitled & sly, but their family and friends will swear they’re enterprising & nonchalant. when i think of them, i think of heated make out sessions, sleeping out under the stars, seductive smirks, fake ids, spontaneous road trips, beat drops, quickies in club bathrooms, flying first class. i wonder if HIS family knows that 𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐀 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐔𝐓𝐒 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐄𝐓𝐒. ●●
yeah yeah i did another thing bc i am the literal worst™ and couldn’t help myself. i’m done i promise but find out about this lil shit below. also !! find this dickheads pinterest ( here ). enjoy !
FULL NAME: troy shane powell. NICKNAME: troy boy. AGE: twenty years old. DOB: 13th june, 1999. ZODIAC SIGN: gemini. SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: biromantic. EDUCATION: high school diploma ; currently studying a bachelor of athletic training at boston university. OCCUPATION: part time team member at the yacht and country club gym.
the first thing i want to say is that troy is the epitome of a spoiled, entitled rich boy. the only time you will ever catch him in a target, walmart or tj maxx is to fuck shit up with mates. target sells clothes? he wouldn’t know bc he doesn’t care. you’re going to make him ride in a toyota? no, absolutely not. you’ve knocked into him down the street? expect to hear an earful.
also this bitch is a gemini ok i hate that, i do, don’t come at me just love me. but deep down he’s a good guy. he’s just done bad things.
he may think that the world revolves around him at times and believes he deserves special treatments bc of his family’s reputation and wealth, but he will literally talk to anyone. like, he can talk that’s for sure and is one of those people that comes across as being “friends” with everyone.
toddler!troy was a very active, boisterous troy. he was always doing something and would put his all into it. whether that be imaginative play, puzzles, hands on crafts, dancing along to whatever was playing, he was a ball of energy. too much so actually, lmao. nap time was almost non-existent.
everyone knows troy for being the guy that doesn’t let things worry him, the guy that is easy going. what they don’t know, however, is from birth to kindergarten, troy had big separation anxiety which only worsened when ariana/byrson left. he was the 2 year old screaming his lungs out, banging on the glass window watching mummy and daddy leave him at daycare. definitely would lay awake in bed late at night screaming and wailing for mum to come home when she left. he most definitely clung to dad for dear life in those young years, fearing he was going to leave too. luckily, for everyone’s sake, he managed to grow out of this.
touching on not letting things worry him, it is very hard to stress troy out or upset him. school work is getting hard? oh well. i just broke up with my girlfriend? meh. dad’s got another partner? what else is new? thoughts for the future? i’ll get there. he is very much a believer in things are meant to happen for a reason and doesn’t tend to take life too seriously ( except for when it comes to prized possessions ). with that being said though, when opportunity arises or he finds something that he wants he will take it and won’t stop until he gets what he wants.
when he is hurt, however, he will bottle it and not say a single word. very closed off and tends to keep people at a distance or lie to them about his feelings when he’s down.
he loves his family, even if they annoy the fuck out of him sometimes. he isn’t overly protective over his siblings bc he knows they can take care of themselves, but will step in when need be like a good big bro.
troy thrives on fun and adventure and every weekend ( when not earning that lil bit of extra cash ) is a chance to travel. he would very much prefer to be off traveling, exploring, putting his curiosity to good use by discovering new things or partying than sitting at home being lazy. he is renowned for getting into clubs and it’s very much his playing field. clubs are his stomping ground basically.
secret.
this doesn’t like to be single, not really anyway. there are underlying commitment issues when it comes to relationships that are more than likely the root of the problem along with the fact mama left and papa has had various partners over the years.
troy doesn’t need to be the center of attention as he already knows he’s the best, but he expects attention. he works hard on physique and appearance, putting his self-worth on the constant attention he receives. negative attention isn’t ideal, though he knows that only the best have their haters. being in a relationship is a validation to him that he is worth it, that his looks and who he is is worthy. it’s not healthy.
being single for too long gives him doubt, sends him down a downhill spiral of harsh criticism and he feels as though he is nothing without someone.
not only that, but troy actually enjoys the beginning of relationships. the charming smiles, flirting, the chase, going on those first few dates and being showered in compliments ( and giving them, ofc ). he likes getting to know people, likes the process of being strangers to being together, and he enjoys sleeping with new people also. the first touches, the way he can make someone’s heart race and how they can do the same to him. it’s enticing, addicting like drugs. all the way to the honeymoon phase.
he knows it isn’t love, not matter what his lover at the time says. he has never said it, and probably never will ( we’ll see ). troy is in love with the idea of loves, and it’s sad.
the boy’s relationships tend to last a couple of months at the very most. when that honeymoon phase starts to wear off, when he’s had the sex he needs and feels as though that partner is not doing anything for him anymore... he’s out. any work that needs to be put into a relationship to make it work or when a solid, deep and emotional connection is meant to start forming, he’s done.
break ups are not easy for most people, but for troy it’s nothing. it’s as easy as getting dressed in the morning. douchebag i know fuck me dead.
connections.
best friend / bromance ( 0/1 ): this is someone that troy has known for years, possibly from high school or even the start of college. ppl joke that these two are together, and at times they run along with it for shits and giggles but they’re just very close.
friends with benefits ( 0/2 ): these are two people that he “sees” in between relationships ; they get along outside of the bedroom, but they never cross the line ( maybe ). booty calls, not talking for two months and then randomly showing up again.
enemies ( 0/x ): this bitch has to have enemies, whether that’s bc of his family or he’s done something to hurt them, he has them. gimme !
fellow college kids ( 0/x ): this goes out to anyone that goes to college at boston uni/harvard. i’m sure they’ve all partied by now lmao.
exes ( 0/x ): this i need pls and thank you! troy is bisexual so he’s been many good looking guys and gals. these would range from when he was in high school ( 15ish ) to now. i am totally up for brainstorming everything about this connection.
current partner ( 0/1 ): i have in mind that this is completely new, very much in the stages of getting to know one another, flirting, eager texting, all that stuff. chemistry is key and depending on what happens, this may only last a lil while pls and thank !
squad ( 0/4-5 ): this would include the best friend, but gimme that clique that fucks around doing the most random and strangest shit. envision them doing this whilst waiting for take off to their weekend get away. lots of pranks being played on one another, go to the gym together, pulling fire alarms in hotels, all that jazz !
#ashcroftintro.#character study ― troy sinclair.#mirror ― troy sinclair.#spotify ― troy sinclair.#aesthetics ― troy sinclair.#answered ― troy sinclair.#memes ― troy sinclair.#family ― troy sinclair.#drabble ― troy sinclair.#wanted connection ― troy sinclair.
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TAYLOR SWIFT - YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN
[3.65]
The one that's on our mind, 365, all the time...
Will Rivitz: The Singles Jukebox -- Corrections, June 21 2019: The author of this blurb has previously stated that the selection of Meghan Trainor as LA Pride headliner would forever be the nadir of Pride-related programming. The author regrets the error. [1]
Joshua Copperman: The discourse for "ME!": "What does this mean for Taylor's next era?" The discourse for this lyrical clusterfuck: "What does this mean at all?" It's a much more interesting production, without stock horns and with some nice "Royals"-y vocal layering, but it's the most incoherent thing she's ever released. Is it about stans? Is it about homophobes? Is it a coming out song? Did Taylor throw the first shade at Stonewall? What is HAPPENING?? I'm sorry, I need to calm down. [3]
Will Adams: Taylor said "Gay Rights!" Kind of! Sort of. Well... it's complicated. Not necessarily because of her status as a cis straight woman, but because the message itself is so damn muddled. Stans and trolls and bigots and music journalists are lumped in the same mass of "haters," and while it's worth noting that this by no means the first anti-haters pop song to exist, the overt political text here results in lots of crossed wires. The song suffers as a result too, throwing half-formed catchphrases at the wall to see what sticks: the chorus is a melodic void (odd considering Taylor's songwriting strength); the "gowns" reference is too subtle to register; the patter results in odd scansion throughout ("like it's PUH-trón"); and "snakes and stones never broke my bones" is no more clever than "don't need opinions from a shellfish or a sheep." Speaking of Katy, also wrapped up in all this is a resolution of a beef that never seemed that important except as something for either party to mine for big single launches. It's all too much, especially for a not-bad track that fizzes just fine on its own. It'd be churlish to ask Taylor to take her own advice; for now all I ask for is coherence. [4]
Jonathan Bradley: Taylor Swift has always had a talent for deploying sharp and piquant phrases, the sorts of lyrics that tell blunt little stories like animated gifs. It's an opportunity for her to go broad and get funny: "Some indie record that's much cooler than mine," for instance, or "I can make the bad guys good for a weekend," or "I don't love the drama, it loves me." "You Need to Calm Down" is like an entire song built from these lines, and it whirls by like a Twitter thread or an Instagram story. Taylor sass is a lot of fun, and many of these ripostes are satisfyingly catty in their insouciance ("I'm just like, 'hey... are you OK?'" might be the best of these). Swift has shrugged off detractors on "Shake It Off" and "Mean," but she is more single-minded this time, and that focus paradoxically dilutes the intent. Swift's greatest strength as a songwriter is her interiority; she's adept at examining and interpreting her own feelings. But a consequence of that is that she is far less certain when she needs to step outside the bounds of her own head. The worst song she has ever released was a charity single called "Ronan," in which Swift sung in the voice of a mother who had lost her child to cancer; so talented at realizing her personal traumas, she proved incapable of reconstructing her sympathy for that bereavement in her own voice. "Calm Down" has some things to say about homophobia, and in this terrain outside her own experience, Swift's words are not so much unpleasant as awkward and a bit superficial, particularly in their uncertain invocation of "shade" as bigotry. (If stan theorists needed evidence that Swift is indeed as straight as she publicly presents, it's here: a queer Taylor would not have written a second verse as disengaged as that one.) But even diluted, Swift singles are still constructed tight. This one continues finding the pastel inversion of Reputation's skeletal synth sound, and echoes "ME!" with a hook of vowel sounds as palilalia -- "oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh..." this time, rather than "me-hee-hee." It's a tic that works -- in moderation. [7]
Alex Clifton: (Puts on music critic hat) It's stronger than "ME!" (which isn't hard but worth noting), I'm glad she takes swipes at homophobia but equating that with personal shots is a little bit weird, it's super catchy but the lyrics are still a little lacking, and I still can't remember all the words even though I have the melody memorized. (Takes off music critic hat, puts on bisexual Swiftie stan hat) EVERYTHING IS RAINBOWS AND MY BRAIN WON'T STOP SINGING THIS AND I WOULD MARRY TAYLOR SWIFT, HAPPY PRIDE!!!!! [5]
Alfred Soto: I'm sure it will sound fine on the radio, especially played beside "Bad Guy" and "Old Town Road." The maximalist intentions behind the Everest-sized synth bass and her rat-tat-tat delivery bespeak a mind that recognizes it's the one needing calm. Except for the "parade" line, I wouldn't have known this alludes to Pride if I hadn't watched the video. I don't feel pandered to as a queer man because, after all, a Pride parade is superficial performativity anyway. [6]
Katherine St Asaph: Give her this: the stacked-up arpeggio in the chorus is an absolutely brilliant hook, particularly the second time when it goes over the top. The rapid-fire prechorus is pretty good too. But the beat is the same freezer-burned "Paper Planes"/"With Ur Love"/"Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" chill, the accents are so far from the right syllables they've filed a misSING perSONS REport, the conflating of trolls with professional critics with the literal Westboro Baptist Church is bad (as is the weird class shit in the video, as if you can't be anti-gay and present like a Pleasantville star), and all this was done much better on "Mean." [5]
Katie Gill: In a way, this song is hellishly brilliant. Taylor Swift has provided her standom with a weapon, something that they can wield against any form of criticism. Want to write an article criticizing the fact that Swift seems to put "homophobia" and "me having internet bullies" on the same level, the fact that the video tactlessly paints rural Americana as the enemy of LGBTQ+ people instead of the Mike Pences of the world, or the fact that the second verse leans way too close to the sort of tactlessness that only aggressively woke allies can pull off? Expect a flock of Twitter replies telling you condescendingly that "you need to calm down" and "you're being too loud," as people ignore the half-assed condemnation of standom during the song's third verse in favor of using Swift's lyrics as a cudgel against any perceived haters. For all that Swift is trying to shed the sneaky snake image, traces of it still linger between the lines. [3]
Edward Okulicz: The people who said "Heartbeats" by The Knife was the future of music were right in 2003, and based on this, have now been right for 16 years and counting. That enormous synth-bass takes a song that should have been awful on paper (ugh, a thematic sequel to "This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things," which itself is why we can't have nice things, like good Taylor Swift songs), with the second verse featuring the worst lyrics Swift has ever written, and makes it frisky and playful. The "uh-oh uh-oh UH-OH!" hook is legitimately her best in years. Obsessing about someone is tedious, obsessing about those people is even more tedious, but for once, Swift sounds like she's legitimately above it, even if I don't think she knows what "shade" is. I wanted to hate this for its posturing, but I can't, because of the "uh-oh" bit. But just between you and me, I liked Katy Perry's last single more. [6]
William John: I'm always happy to hear songs that approximate the "Heartbeats" melody, and the layered vocals here sound lovely, but Dorian Corey didn't keep a mummy in her house for fifteen years for "shade" to be misinterpreted so flagrantly. [3]
Danilo Bortoli: Is it fair to demand political accountability from artists? The question remains thorny these days, but when Taylor Swift blatantly goes after pink money, the answer is yes, loud and clear. The case made for "You Need To Calm Down" has pulled the identity politics card (as usual, The Onion put it better). That is, Swift's song oversimplifies an ancient struggle for recognition, making up a narrative that isn't Taylor's to call her own. But what is more infuriating is the sugarcoating: the fact that pride should come only from within, and the naive and painful suggestion that a homophobe would go silent after a line as awful as "shade never made anybody less gay". That is to say, when it comes to protest, I prefer it the French way. Which is why all of this begs the question: Would you tell Richard Spencer to "calm down"? No, of course you wouldn't. [2]
Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: There are probably 2300 words elsewhere in this post about the politics and rhetoric of Taylor's words here (and I'll get to that), but first I feel obligated to talk about how "You Need To Calm Down" works on a purely musical level. It sounds like ass. It takes the bag of tricks that Swift used on "Ready For It?," the most musically captivating of Reputation's singles, and sands off all of their weird edges. Yes, there's a bass thump to welcome you in, but without the distortion it just sounds like Taylor's doing "Royals"-lite (I mean, Joel Little did produce.) And with the fangs off the verse, the lift to the chorus fails to land. It's all just sound, an undifferentiated, imperial wave of midtempo banger signifier without a real hook. Even Swift's vocals, which have always been her most compelling tool, can't sell the song's vibe -- she's confused not giving a fuck for calm. Of course, it's not entirely clear what "You Need To Calm Down"'s vibe, or point, even is. It's trying to be clever, with its winking references to stale LGBTQ and feminist symbology, but by conflating (or at least juxtaposing) those struggles with the problems that Taylor Swift has as a widely hated famous person, it ends up saying nothing at all. In the end, "You Need To Calm Down" is less a coherent song in itself than a Potemkin village to situate endless thinkpieces in. Make it stop. [3]
Ashley Bardhan: I know the title is "You Need To Calm Down" but there are no human words that can aptly describe how much I hate this song. Think of a young pigeon cooing as it flies through a fish market, weaving over and through the glistening crates of silver-scaled fish and ice. Oh no! There's a problem with a shipment! The owner angrily tosses a fat fish into the air, and its scales glint as it smacks the pigeon mid-air and onto the ground with the full brunt of its weight. The pigeon sees the fish market, its final flight, behind its closed eyes in a hurried blur. It weakly wheezes its final birdsong, and then... nothing. Yaaas, hunty. [0]
Iris Xie: 🤷 This is so tired, I can't even be that mad about it. The only question I have, because this song and MV isn't even worth a QTPOC-centered thinkpiece from me is this: when is the Post Malone + Swae Lee + Taylor Swift collaboration happening? This sounds so much like "Sunflower" and is just as deadening. Even the excitement of one of my besties sending me an ~*urgent*~ text message about Katy Perry and Taylor Swift making up over their imaginary feud, once they realized it hurt both of their fanbases, can't even ignite an ounce of care from me. (Bless your heart, my dear friend.) If she really wanted to pander to the gays, she could've just written a sequel to "Look What You Made Me Do" and become a slicker conduit for the less graceful parts about being in queer scenes, which can be about petty, messy drama, rather than being the subject of rage and apathy about being another harbinger of happy happy HAPPY gaypropriation. Like, whatever, she can have her extremely meaningless self-declared ally medal. I've been calm, just give me actual music. [2]
Isabel Cole: It's like this: A while ago I was catching up with an ex who mentioned he'd recently come back into contact with someone we'd known in high school -- acquaintance of his, frenemy of mine, a few sparkling months of giggling BFF-ship deteriorating across a year I spent defending her while she shit-talked my fashion sense in the girls' room to the local blabbermouth -- and he told me, with an ironic arch of the brow, that when my name had inevitably come up she'd said, "Isabel and I used to be so close; I wonder what happened." Reader, I spent like a week losing my mind, repeating the story and relitigating the history to anyone who would listen while bitterly making fun of her internet presence. Was this because I am petty and emotionally volatile? Yes. But it was also because there is a certain level of willful detachment from reality which I do not have the cognitive capacity to process adequately. Taylor Swift having the gall to tell any human on earth to calm down makes me feel insane the way it makes me feel insane to see someone citing as evidence of their incurable adolescent unpopularity the dorky AIM screenname they picked based on an affectionate joke I made. Taylor Swift saying "take several seats" makes me feel the same combination of spiteful and enraged as reading a line recycled from Livejournal in 2005: please learn like everyone else to disguise the extent to which the human brain is a machine wired to seek validation, the transparency of your desperation is making all of us uncomfortable! God, I wanna snub her in a lunchroom so bad. The song is unappealing in ways that barely merit mentioning -- verses that sound like they were reverse-engineered from a MIDI file of the superior but hardly sublime "Gorgeous," chorus that throws in the plodding piano of roaring bravery -- but even beyond the equivalency it implies between Twitter making fun of her and, like, hate crimes, I find the bridge particularly embarrassing, because of how artlessly it reveals its origin: Taylor Swift literally read a Tumblr post (or, the algorithm we call Taylor Swift processed several hundred Tumblr posts) from 2011 saying "stop pitting female artists against each other [handclap emoji etc.]!!!!!!!!!!!" and thought, Wow! Feminism! As for the possibility that this is another masterful turn from Taylor the troll (or troll!Taylor as there is a distressingly high chance she'd say) and by falling for it I've let her win: (1) Taylor Swift is always already winning, this is exactly what Marx was talking about (2) Let me kick it back to my ex one more time: when I asked what she was like these days, he considered and said: "I thought she'd developed self-awareness, but then I realized it was just self-identification." Yeah. [1]
Scott Mildenhall: You know sometimes, when you read the annotations on genius.com, how their deductions and inferences appear to have been made by algorithm? For instance, the notion that this being released on that loud American guy's birthday "seems to support the theory" that one line is about him? This is what would happen if that algorithm was tasked with writing a satirical song. [5]
Stephen Eisermann: My take? This is more lazy allyship than commercialization of pride. Plus, it's kind of a bop. Sucks, then, that Taylor completely misunderstands what shade is -- but did we really expect any better? [6]
[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]
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MTVS Epic Rewatch #210
BTVS 7x22 Chosen
Stray Thoughts
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You know what? I don’t think I am, Buffy.
1) You know the baddy’s fate is sealed when they dare call Buffy a bitch, right?
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2) Watching Buffy ax Caleb right in the balls and then make puns about it fills me with infinite joy.
3) I think you all know by now I’m not a Bangel shipper, so I wonder how Angel shippers feel about Buffy and Angel’s last on-screen conversation being about Spike. Doesn’t it feel a bit like a wasted opportunity? It’s not really OOC for Angel to act jealous and possessive (even though in the universe of the show he’s spent the last two years approximately being in love with Cordelia, so why does he think he has any right to question Buffy’s love life? Anyway, I know that’s the writers' fault – how they always blatantly ignored whatever was happening in each show for the shippy crossover moment – but the end result is that Angel looks like a two-timing asshole who can’t make up his mind about what or who he wants.) But like, the world is ending, this is what you want your last conversation to be…?
4)
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He is. He is a 200+ years old man-child-pire.
5) The cookie dough speech, though? One of my favorite speeches in the show…
I'm cookie dough. I'm not done baking. I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be. I make it through this, and the next thing, and the next thing, and maybe one day I turn around and realize I'm ready. I'm cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat… or enjoy warm, delicious cookie me, then...that's fine. That'll be then. When I'm done.
I think it’s one of the finest messages the show delivered, and it’s especially important coming from Buffy herself, someone who was seldom not in a relationship.
6) Callback #1…
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This parallels both Angel’s first appearance in the show in Welcome to the Hellmouth as well as his exit from the show in Graduation Day Part 2.
7) Oh, Xander…
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8) Of course, the shipping wars wouldn’t be complete without Spuffy talking about Angel. Guh.
9) Iconic!
You know, one of these days I'm just gonna put you two in a room and let you wrestle it out. There could be oil of some kind involved.
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One can only dream!
10) This gives me a lot of feels… It’s such a small gesture but it means she finally trusts him.
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11) You see what I mean when I say the First was fucking idiotic? Always giving Buffy the precise information she needed in order to defeat it? I mean…
None of those girlies will ever know real power unless you're dead. You know the drill: Into every generation, a slayer is born. One girl in all the world. She alone will have the strength and skill to— There's that word again. What you are. How you'll die. Alone. Where's your snappy comeback?
Like, seriously, do you even want to destroy the world? You’re not trying real hard!
12) Yeah, you fucking are!
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13) See? Cut to the next morning, Buffy is telling the others her plans, inspired by none other than the First itself! I don’t think she would’ve thought of it if he hadn’t mentioned the fact that they needed the potentials to have real power, the power of a slayer.
14) Sweet, innocent Dawnie!
WILLOW This goes beyond anything I've ever done. It's a total loss of control, and not in a nice, wholesome, my girlfriend has a pierced tongue kind of way.
BUFFY I wouldn't ask if I didn't think you could do it.
WILLOW I—I'm not sure that I'm stable enough.
GILES You can do this, Willow. We'll get the coven on the line, and we'll find out how they can help.
DAWN Oh! "Pierced tongue."
15) This line always gives me chills!
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16) Although their conversation is cute…
ROBIN Faith—Make me a deal, all right? We live through this, you give me the chance to surprise you.
FAITH What would be the surprise?
ROBIN You do know the meaning of the word, right?
I really don’t see the point in spending precious minutes of a finale on these two. If we needed Faith to get closure with anyone, that was Buffy.
17) I don’t actually hate Kennedy on this episode. Wow. I never thought I’d say that.
18) How the mighty have fallen…
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Although I think I missed the part where he was a “highly respected watcher”...
19) And then this scene…
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I’ve talked about it before, so I’m going to leave you the link in case your interested to know what I make of it as a Spuffy shipper.
20) Oh, Anya…
ANYA So that leaves me and the dungeon master in the north hall?
ANDREW We will defend it with our very lives.
ANYA Yes, we will defend it with his very life.
XANDER And don't be afraid to use him as a human shield.
ANYA Good, yes, thanks!
21) aNDREW HAD A FUCKING SPEECH PREPARED, I CAN’T!
22) Now, this is what this season should’ve been about…
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23) And callback #2…
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24) Ok, this is one my greatest movie/tv pet peeves. Why would anyone cut their hands? I get it, you need blood or whatever. I can think of 10 parts of your body you could get it from which wouldn’t be as inconvenient as your hand. Like, how do they continue doing things with a fucking open wound on the palm of their hands? It doesn’t make any sense! And it’s always the fucking hand! WHY!?
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25) This is probably the scariest shot in the show, isn’t it? (even if the CGI wasn’t that great…)
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26) Oh, man, this speech still gives me chills!
BUFFY So here's the part where you make a choice: What if you could have that power... now? In every generation, one slayer is born... because a bunch of men who died thousands of years ago made up that rule. They were powerful men. This woman is more powerful than all of them combined. So I say we change the rule. I say my power... should be our power. Tomorrow, Willow will use the essence of the scythe to change our destiny. From now on, every girl in the world who might be a slayer... will be a slayer. Every girl who could have the power... will have the power... can stand up, will stand up. Slayers... every one of us. Make your choice. Are you ready to be strong?
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I love it. I do. It is an empowering moment, it’s Buffy and the slayers breaking free from the Council, taking back the power that was imposed onto them, choosing that power.
The irony is not lost on me, however, that Buffy is making the choice for – and therefore removing the agency of – every single potential slayer who is not in that room. She did ask the ones living with her, but what about the rest? What if they don’t want that power and its responsibility?
In spite of this, it still holds up as one of the greatest moments in the show.
Side note: I read somewhere (or saw an interview?) about how this speech was much longer, and how SMG delivered the whole speech in its entirety without making any mistakes, and when she ended everyone was so in awe at what she’d done as an actress that they started clapping. She is a great actress, isn’t she?
27) And our Willow has come full circle, hasn’t she?
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28) Iconic shot!
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29) Bless you, Anya!!
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30) …
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R.I.P. Anyanka Emanuella Jenkins, former vengeance demon, self-appointed American and defender of capitalism, arch-nemesis of bunnies, hater of subtleties, teller of truths.
I know the way Anya went pissed off a lot of people, especially because it’s almost a blink-and-you-missed-it moment. I do, however, feel that someone had to die in this way. Someone important, I mean. Not every main character death in the show could have a big preamble and a huge aftermath. Sometimes you see death coming, but other times, it happens in an instant and it’s done. That’s especially true in big battles like the one in this episode. There is no time to stop and mourn because if you do, you might end up on the dead pile yourself.
We see later how the only ones concerned about Anya are Xander and Andrew. That makes sense, too, in my opinion. Anya was never a true member of the Scooby gang. She was merely there because of Xander. I’m not saying that was okay, I’m simply stating a fact. In fact, I’ve voiced my annoyance about the way Buffy and Willow treated her several times. (This is proven by how little thought was given to her feelings after Xander left her at the altar…) It hardly matters anyway, because if she wanted to be remembered and missed by anyone, that most certainly was Xander. Her life revolved around him, for better or worse.
But, apart from this, I think this was a fitting way to finish her journey – from vengeance demon, to inadequate teenager, to girl in love, to working gal, to scorned lover, to vengeance demon again, to humanity connoisseur and admirer. She overcame her fear of death and she embraced her humanity, and she died stupidly fighting for what she believed in, just like humans do.
31) I think this is one of the most underrated puns in the show.
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32) Have you noticed how they are killing the Ubervamps with… stakes? Retcon much?
33) Oh, bollocks, indeed…
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34)It kind of breaks my heart when Spike says that he can really feel his soul like he didn’t really believe it was actually there until now.
35) Oh, god, my Spuffy heart…
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Does Buffy really love Spike, though?
36) "I wanna see how it ends.”
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R.I.P. Spike. Sort of. Not really.
37) I really like this shot…
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Buffy just stares at the open road, her life ahead, her future, thoughts she’d never before allowed herself to indulge in because death was always around the corner. But now? There’s literally a world of possibilities…
38) Callback #3…
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You left like you arrived, Spike. Goodbye home, sweet home.
39) Bless you, Andrew.
XANDER So, did you see?
ANDREW I—I was scared. I'm sorry.
XANDER Did you see what happened? I mean, was she...
ANDREW She was incredible. She died saving my life.
XANDER That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing.
40) I just love the fact that the original cast members are the only ones in the last shot BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT THIS SEASON SHOULD’VE BEEN ABOUT. EHEM.
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41) I just…
WILLOW Yeah. The First is scrunched, so... what do you think we should do, Buffy?
FAITH Yeah, you're not the one and only chosen anymore. Just gotta live like a person. How's that feel?
DAWN Yeah, Buffy. What are we gonna do now?
Buffy:
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ME:
I will try to form a coherent thought because as I write this, I’m still bawling my eyes out. This ending is especially poignant for me because Buffy is my favorite character, so all I’ve ever wanted was her happiness. It’s been seven years. Seven years of heartbreak, pain, mourning loved ones, non-stopping fighting. Seven years of feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. A girl, alone in the world, fighting the forces of evil. Never allowing herself to look forward because that always leads to disappointment and crushed expectations. But now? Nothing is stopping her now, nothing is holding her back. The open road is right ahead, and she can go and do whatever she wants to.
The show had to end with a final shot of Buffy. This was her journey, and though it’s far from over, that smile assures us that yes, she will be fine.
I guess it gives all of us a little bit of hope.
42) Is Chosen a perfect episode? I don’t think so. I think too much time was wasted on ship moments and side characters. There’s a lot of talk but not the kind I usually enjoy the most. It’s only half-way through the episode – when they get to Sunnydale High - that you really get that feeling of “Oh fuck, this is really the end, this is actually happening!”
But I do think it’s a good ending, nonetheless. There’s an epic battle – although I do enjoy the season 3 battle much more… - there’re callbacks and special character moments, there’s closure and there’s death because it wouldn’t be Buffy if no one ever died. (You lied, Giles.)
More importantly, it does what series finales ought to do – it pays tribute to its characters, and it’s a gift to the fans. I don’t think we should ever measure the quality of a show by how good their series finale is, you know? When I think of this show – and we all know I think about it a lot – it’s not “Chosen” what comes to mind. It’s everything that came before it. Chosen is a celebration of and a tribute to all of that. And as such, it is a perfect finale.
43) Thank you to everyone who has ever read one of my recaps, you are the reason I pushed through even when I felt like giving up. Thank you for sharing my unconditional love for this show. I love you all, too.
44) If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!
#Buffy the Vampire Slayer#BTVS#Buffy Summers#Chosen#Sarah Michelle Gellar#MTVSepicrewatch#BTVSrewatch2015#mine#recap#btvsrecap
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What is coming in the new year for Sebastian? Let's get some positivity in this bish!
I love you, anon!
That is an excellent question, what is in the cards for our pReciouS next year?
Now, I wanna quickly explain the spread I’m doing. It’s called New Year, who dis?
So, I’m going to draw 13 cards, one for each month, starting with this month and then the last one will be an overall look for the year. Pretty simple, right? Right!
This is a long one so buckle up. Here we gooooo! (Mario voice)
What’s coming in the new year for Sebastian?
Current Month: Five of Cups- Things aren’t going your way, there’s some sorrow or a feeling of loss. But take this as an opportunity to shift your focus, this could be a blessing in disguise and there are good things coming! (Wonder what that’s referring to…? Thinks hard 🤔)
Month 2: XVII The Star- Hope and optimism. A break after a period of turmoil (🤔). You’re beginning to realize who you truly are beneath all those layers. Basically, “Out with the old and in with the new!” This card also shows that you have a big heart and want to share your wealth to help others.
Month 3: Seven of Pentacles- Time to look at the bigger picture. You’ve been working so hard it’s kind of difficult to see what it’s all for. Take a step back and admire what you’ve accomplished so far. You done good! And don’t worry, your hard work will definitely pay off.
Month 4: Five of Pentacles- Uhh, looks at previous card wth, Tarot? Way to kill the mood. Well, this is awkward. This card indicates financial loss and poverty; hitting hard times in your work or career. May be (possibly!) job loss, or loss of financial security. But this is only temporary! This, too, shall pass. Alternatively (whew!) this could mean that you’re focusing on things you don’t have or that you’ll lose something you do have, like your job or your home. So, yeah, don’t do this and all should be fine! Had y’all worried there, didn’t I?
Month 5: Queen of Swords- Lonely times this month. Keeping your feelings close to your chest, not sharing them with others. Good! This isn’t the time to make decisions based on emotions. Get all the necessary info, and if needed, make a pro-con list. And just throwing it in, but this card also means you’ve suffered a deep emotional loss. No biggie. Next!
Month 6: Six of Cups- Nostalgia. Thinking of happy memories. This could mean traveling back to your childhood home or reconnecting with old friends (or lovers 😏). If so, it means you’re feeling more open and ready to give the benefit of the doubt. OR, ORRRR it could mean a pregnancy 🤰 (TWINS!)
Month 7: Seven of Wands- Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate. You just need to shake shake shake shake shake SHAKE IT OFF. A challenge because of your success, which I guess is kind of a good thing, but you might not be prepared for it. Expect haters, (see above) trolls, and people who just don’t agree with you for no good reason. Hold your ground.
Month 8: King of Swords (reversed)- Someone is going to treat you unfairly, and that’s not fair! There might even be a hint of betrayal from someone who was loyal to you. It also seems like you’re having a hard time getting your words across (color me surprised) which may lead to some misunderstandings. Alsoalso, that filthy rat person who was loyal? It’s someone who likes to talk about random shit to seem like they’re smarter than they are. Nothing good will come from them so you need to make your decision clear.
Month 9: Two of Pentacles- Lots of juggling going on. But you’re doing a great job keeping it all balanced. This card is here to remind you that the line between coping and losing control is very thin. You’re overworking yourself again, Seb! Take time to sit down and review your priorities, make some changes perhaps.
Month 10: Page of Wands- You have a passion for life and are filled with inspiration. You enjoy being busy and being involved in various projects. And you love having the freedom of being able to choose what you will work on; what inspires you the most. Ok so that’s all fine and dandy, but what does it actually mean in this case? I’m glad you asked, ambiguous voice from the Great Beyond, because it means that although you’re feeling that fire, Sebastian, you need to snap back to reality (Oh, there goes Rabbit, he- Choked he’s so mad, but he- Won’t give up that easy. No he- Won’t have it, he- Knows his whol-ALRIGHT JUST STOP! (Collaborate and listen🎵))Take it down a notch, will ya?
Month 11: XIII DEATH- Now, now, let’s not panic. Panics. I said don’t panic! Panics some more. This just means there’s a transformation ahead, a big change. Most likely unexpected. Also means you need to let go of unhealthy attachments, time to purge! 😈
Month 12: Queen of Pentacles- Looks like you finally took my advice because this card means you’re trying to strike a better balance between your home and work life. You’ve worked hard to become prosperous and have that financial security, now you want to share it with a special someone. This could be a maternal figure, a mentor or just someone you’re really close to.
Overall main influence for the year ahead: Knight of Pentacles- This Knight is the most hard working character of the Tarot deck. It means you’re working towards your goals. Consistently, you make sure everything is planned and you don’t leave things half finished. So overall, you’re sticking to your usual ways. The tried and true tested methods of before. Although not very exciting, you’re at least on the right path. Keep at it and you will continue to see success.
TLDR:
🔮
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from haters to lovers; lin yanjun
from haters to lovers—a series where nine percent and you have the cliche, typical love story
au; highschool
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cr. @aestheticninepercent i juST HAD TO ADD THIS IN its so prettyyyy bub ure a genius
[AT THE START]
You hated playboys. Like you absolutely hate them. You think they are detestable. I mean, they literally go around, leading other people on, enticing others with their enchanting looks and the later on, turn from the angel to the devil and break people’s hearts. I mean hello?? We’re in 2018?? Some respect for others’ feelings please??? They never take relationships seriously; everything is just a fling for them. But have they ever considered the fact that some people emotionally invest in relationships??? This world isn’t always cruel and cold; people have feelings too, people have emotions too, and playing with their heartstrings like a puppeteer isn’t what a decent human being should do.
Hence why you hate Lin Yanjun. He is literally
playboy
ˈpleɪbɔɪ/
noun
Lin Yanjun
He is the Original™ playboy of the school, that one heartbreaker that everyone doesn’t want to fall for, but eventually falls for, gets broken and moves on from. Everytime he opens his locker or looks under his desk, there is at least 5 love letters waiting for him to read but they are never read because he just glances at them, waits for them to pile up, and then at the end of each term, he throws them into the rubbish bin. You have seen him do it. And it makes your blood boil.
So yes, you absolutely hate Lin Yanjun. Not popular opinion, especially since at least 90% of the girls in school pine for him, 9.9% of them have boyfriends so technically they can’t pine for him (although you have seen boys crying at the rooftops because their girlfriends had been stolen by Yanjun) and then there is the 0.1%, which is just basically you, who shows no interest whatsoever for that idiot.
“Oh my god!!! Lin Yanjun!!!” The girls screamed as they all crowd around the volleyball court and watch the said boy play. Honestly, it’s not like he is a very good player. Average, at best? You scoff when you hear the screams go off again and drop of your bag. “Y/n!” Your captain calls you. “Decided to take a break from studying?” You shrug and smile cheekily at him, playfully hitting his arm. “Closet mugger, you don’t get to say that to me.” Picking up the other edge of the net,, you head over to the court and helped Zhengting set it up. You hooked the ends up to the pole and asked “Zhengting, you’re not seriously considering Yanjun as a main player, right?” “Why not?” He questions as he tugs the string to pull the net up. “Because, he is a terrible player.” You say it in a matter-of-factly way.
“He is, quite unfortunately, not a bad player. You have a bias! That’s why. Don’t give that pout now. Go and join the team and start warming up.” He says as he rolls your eyes at you, knowing full well how you hate Yanjun; and he secretly agrees. Whether it is because Yanjun had kissed his girlfriend during last year’s Christmas party, it doesn’t matter. At least there is one person in the school is clearly not blinded by the stunts Yanjun pulls.
You get on the opposite team, fist bumping your teammates. Yanjun is at the edge of the court, a smirk on his face as he throws the ball up and sends it flying over the net. Ziyi hits it back perfectly, catching Fei off guard and she misses it, crashing ungracefully on the floor. You can almost hear Yanjun inwardly groaning and you send him a wink as he glares back at you. 1-0, playboy.
The game continues and neither team is having a strong win. As soon as your team ends their victory hug, Yanjun’s team scores another point. And you’ve had enough; it’s now or never, you think as Xukun sets you the ball and you jump up, hand posed and you slam the ball down to the other court. You can hear Zhengting screaming “Perfect spike y/n!!!!” and you smile smugly to yourself as you land.
What you didn’t expect was to hear a body crashing to the ground and a sharp cry of pain.
[SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN]
You cross your arms as you wait outside the infirmary. It’s not your fault Lin Yanjun sucks as receiving the ball and he ended up fracturing his arm. Does he not know how to break his fall? Who the hell breaks their arm while playing volleyball?
The door opens and the doctor comes out, with Zhengting and Yanjun trailing behind him. You speechlessly bow the the doctor and look at the two. Zhengting is giving you the warning look and Yanjun… that’s weird. You thought he would be glowering at you, but he wasn’t. He just looked rather dazed, if not stunned, a deep crease between his brows and his head sometimes tilting to the left and right. You sincerely hope he didn’t hit his head.
“Y/n, y/n? Y/N!” Zhengting is nearly screaming at you when your head snaps up and stare at Zhengting. Was I staring at...Lin Yanjun this whole time? You frown at the thought. Gross. “Y/n, stop frowning, you look exactly like Yanjun. Yanjun, Yanjun, YANJUN! Hey yes brother, welcome to reality. You feeling ok? Why do you look so dazed?” Zhengting shakes Yanjun and the other’s eyes shift their gaze from you to Zhengting. “Huh….?” Zhengting rolls his eyes and looks back at you.
What? You mouth.
Apologise. He mouths back, jerking his chin at Yanjun.
You sigh. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hit you, Yanjun.” Zhengting stares at you with doubt written all over his face and Yanjun seems to snap out of whatever trance he is in and just nods. “Not your fault, I should have broken my fall better.” He says nonchalantly. “Captain, my chauffeur is here. Can I go?” He doesn’t even reply and slips from Zhengting’s hold, stalking over to his car.
“Close your mouth, y/n. You look ugly like that.” Zhengting says as he wrinkles his nose in fake disgust and walks towards the bus stop. You automatically seal your lips together. You don’t know whether you should be shocked that he didn’t even blame you for a single thing, or be further disgusted by the fact that Yanjun is not only a playboy, he is also rich. Filthy rich. I mean, who the hell calls 4 cars to bring one person home?
Zhengting puffs out some air and turns to look at you as you take a seat next to him on the bench. “Y/n, if you did that because-”
“You know I didn’t,” You idly reply back. Zhengting sighs and takes a seat next to you. “Yea, I know you didn’t…”
He sighs so hard that his shoulders slump. “I am just worried…. Because I don’t know just what his fanclub of hysterical girls will say about you.”
Zhengting is right. Those hysterical girls had spread word that you had intentionally slammed the ball down and made it impossible for Yanjun to receive. Every single girl you pass by has at least said one comment about how you’re a single loser who is just trying to get Yanjun’s attention. You close your eyes as you seat at your place, hoping that the crude comments will wash over you like water.
You hear a fist slam down on the table and you open your eyes, thinking that it was Zhengting, for he had a short temper, especially when it came to people bullying you. He hated it that you would passively allow others to push you over and taunt you. You had shrugged and just said it didn’t matter.
Well obviously, it mattered a lot to a certain Taiwanese because he is looking at you from across the classroom, the desk he had slammed slightly dented, a glint in his eyes as his irises pierce through you. Normally, such a glare wouldn’t put you off. But today, your stomach feels weird and you feel choked, words stuck in your throat.
“Are you seriously going to continue to let this bunch of giggling shits bitch about you?” You have never noticed how silky his voice was; like a lightly flowing stream, gentle and soft, but at the rocks they gush and rush and cut the edges of the hard stones. The room has fallen silent, besides the crunching sound from the edge of the classroom (probably you zhangjing). The smirks on the girls’ faces have fallen and the snark comments, dead on their lips. “I, er,” You mumble, looking at everywhere but Yanjun.
“God.” He sighs out and walks up to you, an unreadable expression on his face. The next thing you know, his hand is having an iron grip on your wrist and he is dragging you up to the rooftop, despite your protests for him to let you go.
[AT THE END OF THE DAY]
“GOD! I told you to let go, damn.” You glare at him, and snatch your hand away from him, rubbing your red wrists. He almost looks apologetic when he grabs it again, but this time, his thumb gently swipes over the red spots. Your wrists is lifted up to his face and his eyes are assessing if there was any damage done.
The sun rays hit perfectly against his angled face, giving his skin a pretty glow, the shadows casted all at the right angles and positions, accentuating his beautiful features. You tear your eyes away from him and swallow hard, praying hard that the pulsing rate of your heart wouldn’t be detected as his fingers graze over your translucent skin, where the veins are pumping with life and vigour, like the waters plummeting down the Niagara Falls.
You feel his lips ghost over your skin and out of pure reflex, you jerk your hand and simply stare at him. “What are you doing?” “Trying to kiss your ‘injured’ wrist?” He casually replies, an eyebrow raised, as if asking why are you so startled?
The audacity of him, seriously! To actually say that out, shamelessly! Playboy syndrome perhaps.
“You look extremely cute when you blush.” The heat only flames even stronger and your cheeks burn. “So, would you rather stay here in the stairway or would you go to the rooftop?” He asks, a hand extending out to you. You take it and continue climbing up the stairs, the colour in your cheeks not dissipating as you become hyper-aware of how Yanjun’s fingers graze the inside of your palm and move stealthily to intertwine with your fingers, as if like water, flowing through your palm. Only, unlike water, the fingers anchor themselves at your knuckles and hold on tight.
“Do you plan on telling me what you want to talk to me about, or are you going to just continue staring at me like I grew another head?” You mumble out. Yanjun laughs, a tinkling one.
“Wanna know why I missed that ball you spiked, when I definitely could have received it?” He begins. You roll your eyes at the ‘I definitely could have received it’ part. “Oh, so it wasn’t because you’re a trashy player?”
He leans in, pink lips so near, you didn’t think you would have the self control to keep your hands to yourself. “Ok, ok, I get it, sorry. Now tell me why.” You awkwardly move backwards and stutter out.
“Because, when you spike,
You look so damn hot.”
“What?” You attempt to wrench your hand out of his grasp, out of pure surprise and because you want to hide your burning face in your hands. Who the hell has so much courage to say that? Well apparently, Lin Yanjun-
His name is the last thought as your hand is flipped and Yanjun’s fingers are flowing through your fingers and are intertwined with yours, gripping hard as he presses your hand against the wall. The other hand lands itself on your side and he holds you gently, but firmly. Pink lips lean in but stop just an inch near your lips, ghosting over the trembling skin, as if contemplating.
Okay, that’s it.
You lean in and press your own lips against his. His lips are chapped but surprisingly soft. They are soon slick from your tongue swiping against his, an apology for the hurt spot that had just been in between your teeth. He kisses back with equal fervor, lips capturing and recapturing yours, each suck on the lips, a needier one than the previous. His right hand releases your hand to cup your jaw, tilting it upwards as he squeezes it a little, as if he can’t have enough of you. The other hand snakes behind your back and preses you forward, flushing your body against his. You take in a breath. He smells like fresh dew on freshly cut grass and wet earth, a hint of new flowers and blossoming spring.
His lips move down to your jaw and he traces it carefully with his finger, his lips trailing right after. The kisses flow down to your neck and you bite your lip as he presses teeth prints onto your the pale skin, lips brushing over the marred skin.
Your fingers weave their way through his silk-like hair, gripping at the roots and pushing him down, clearly not having enough of him. He moves back to attack your lips; and then, a light fleeting press of the lips against your forehead that leaves you light headed. He leans his head against yours as he catches your breath.
“You are exactly like what they say. I would rate a 9/10 for kissing.” You say once he pulls away from you. He laughs. “Is that all you have to say?”
“What else do I say? Will you go out with me?” You had mindlessly said it, but as soon as the words are out of your mouth, you regret it immediately. The crease reappears on his forehead, the refreshed and youthful look disappears. “You mean, you weren’t planning on accepting my request for a date?”
You choose your words carefully, but in the end, they flow out relentless, like water bursting out from a dam. “I mean, how do I know if you’re serious about me? And come on, just a couple of days ago you hated me-”
“And you hated me too. I….” he scratches his head and huffs. “I never hated you. You… you didn’t whine for me, like all those other girls did. You didn’t suck up to me. You...were intriguing and enchanting. I…..I had a crush on you for the longest time.” You stare at him. Residential playboy has a crush on you? Impossible.
“Do you remember when you were 10? You lived in that log house temporarily, for a holiday I think. I...live in that village, and lived in the village. I was the boy who helped your aunt. But after that, you barely spared me a glance.”
“Remember when you were 12? I was that boy at the stream but after that, you… you left and never came back.” He whispers the end, the hand that had still be on your side, squeezes your hips slightly with trembling fingers, as if he was scared you would be gone again.
“But still, everyday, sneaking peeks at you from my window when you went with your aunt to the market, and seeing you wrestle the boys instead of playing with dolls, made me love you even more…” He chuckled. “You were...different. Everyone else was predictable, flowing all in the same direction. But you always went against the tide.”
“I couldn’t believe my luck, when I saw you walking through the gates on the first day of school.”
You stare at him, and searching for words, you could only say, “Lin Yanjun, you really are a hopeless romantic.”
He laughs, warm, safe and home. “Is that really all you can say?” And you chuckle back, warmth surrounding you, peace and serenity filling your entire being.
As you lean against Yanjun, you vaguely remembering doing the same thing for a little cute boy with dimples, behind the log house, at the edge of a forest stream, where the glistening water had flowed amongst the dark green trees.
—水
[BEFORE]
As a little child, you loved going to your aunt’s house. She was those few city people who grew to dislike the hustle amongst the tall buildings, and had decided to move outwards and into nature.
She created the log house herself and it was the most beautiful thing you have seen, with pretty wild flowers and vines running up the edges of the door frame, a comfortable fire in the living room and a warm bunk for you to sleep in. You loved the peace and quiet; you loved going to the village just down the narrow path, to listen to the old folks tell you acient legends and secrets.
When you were 10 or so, she had asked you to help her bring some pots up to roof. While she was bringing them in from the village to the house, a small boy, who had been bouncing a ball had come up to her and asked if she needed help, so she passed some pots to him and that’s how she brought the boy to you.
As you held the pots and glass bottles and climbed up to the roof, the boy didn’t speak a word, his eyes only following yours. It’s fine. You like the silence.
You get to the to the rooftop and pull out the dirty old cloth off the roof floor. Unbeknownst to you, when you did that, the glass pots and bottles had slipped from your hand.
The coloured glass shards fly and some fall onto the newly uncovered skylight with a clank. The boy raises his eyebrows and then furrows them together. Eyes avoiding his, you stoop down to pick up the glass shards when a hand grabs yours, stopping you from picking them up.
Head tilted up, you give him a questioning look. And for the first time his lips unseal. “Look.” He says, pointing at the house below.
The glass shards have caught some of the setting sun’s rays and were shedding red, orange, green shadows on the wooden floor.
Without another word, you take a glass bottle from the boy’s hands and break it, as he moves to arrange the broken glass pieces to cover the skylight.
You meet the boy again, when you were 12 and had gone to pick some berries with your aunt. You had wandered to the stream and were marvelling at the small but blossoming life under the crystal surface. He wasn’t too far away, standing in the middle of gushing waters and rocks, trying to catch a fish.
You sensed his presence and your eyes automatically moved from the glittery scales of the fishes to his lean figure. You find that his eyes are already on you.
“Want one?” he blurts out, pointing at the basket on the other side of the bank. “.....You give me one fish for 5 berries?” You reply. He shrugs and waddles towards you, carefully guiding you through the waters and pulling you to the other side.
Your aunt had found the two of you at the stream, talking and laughing, and had decided to leave the two of you there. She left you a lamp and a phone, before trudging back to the log house, a smile on her lips.
“There’s the constellation, Crux. I think it might just be the smallest constellation, but it’s one of the brightest.” He lies down next to you on the grass, and breathes in, enjoying the smell of wet earth.
“And?” You ask him, turning to face him, an elbow propping you up.
“And, that’s exactly like you. I’ve seen you wrestle with the boys in the village. You’re small but fast and quick. And bright, like the constellation.” His irises, almost black from the lack of light, still shine brightly in the darkness, reflecting the fleeting moonlight. It looked just like the stream’s gushing water, glittering from the reflections of the same moonlight.
And you think, he is one, the Crux, the brightest of them all.
“You’re really pretty, you know.” He almost says it idly.
Him. Is the last thought you have as he presses his lips against yours, breathing in your scent of fresh flowers, and you taking in the scent of wet earth that clings to his clothes.
That’s the last he sees of you, because the next day, you had gone back to the city. You had then moved from Taiwan to Beijing for your education. And you never saw him again.
That is of course, until now.
series
Cr. idea of broken glass shards to pg 205, 206 of “counting by 7s” by Holly Goldberg Sioan
“there’s the constellation…” line to weightless, written by johnsonzzzyc
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Wed. November 6 2019
12:21AM I need a new lighters
8:09AM
I woke up with that feeling.
Surprisingly not tired.
I might be after I cry.
Goodbye past.
4:33PM I'm starting this in my car on my anxious pressured 'break' at the ever busy Budapest. I'm gonna not. Brb.
4:55PM Okkkk, I’m going to be real with you.
I had a lot of clever ways to open this conversation but I have forgotten them since sitting in my Ferrari having not 1, but 2 smokes. You ever feel like you’re chewing on your own teeth? No? Good, that means you haven’t smoked meth for the past 255 days. To be clear- Cobain, Lampwick & The Joke are all synonyms for a former co-worker. Although the same person, they’re sort of not #mentalhealthawareness. TLDR; the more evolved part of me really hopes this guy is just a mean, jaded fucking asshole because the alternative is that they’re deeply psychotic and likely the permanent kind. Both leave little hope for improvement but the former at least KNOWS that. KNOWS I know. I could do a whole bullet-point slideshow fucking presentation on the red flags I had been seductively blindfolded to through exploitation of deepest nature and a stubborn unwillingness to accept pain and anger & I just might. I might. I might need to! I processed most of it as it was happening, denial was a bitch though. If you come from a place of; neglect, abuse and chaos but decided to assess your damages rather than project them on to innocent and typically pretty wonderful people.. then you need to equip yourself. Even if you took the more outward approach, leaving everyone in your path as empty useless collateral damage.. you could benefit as well. Tell yourself 'I’m only self-improving to gain further access and a tighter hold of my victims’ It doesn’t matter. Educate yourself on the impact of trauma/abuse/upbringing. See what happens to you. @ me.
5:53PM There’s a lot of Construction Boyz here tonight. They hit on me and I’m all like ‘omg I smoke crystal meth and I’m in an over-sized hoodie at work with obviously contrasting roots growing in.. you have no idea how much I needed this’ hahah. Still, it’s nothing quite like the validation I get from making humble jokes to myself in my neurotic head! Where was I? Oh yeah. The Joke; Lampdick. This motherfucker fucking pulls out a REAL LIFE meth pipe, Chief Leaf right there. Of course CL is through-n-through up to date and real time a best friend without judgement, so it doesn’t reflect on me, but I’ve been fighting tooth (lol) and nail against obvious (but not blatant) disapproval toward this endeavor with Joke.. (of course gaslit with remarks like ‘fuck the haters’ ‘you’re really going to care what they say’ ‘it isn’t their relationship’ .. you’re the hater.. they treat me with consistent respect so duh.. you’re absolutely fucking right-it’s ours-and it fucking sucks because you’re an abusive psychopath.. shove that isolation groundwork technique up your) ? No respect. To pull out a fucking meth pipe after:
Day 1 appreciating we had a different DOC (drug of choice) and agreeing that use needs to be controlled in the best harm reduction sense possible & I firmly disclosed that I am 100% in no fucking way ever going to be okay with anyone-ever smoking meth near/with me. I still barely forgive the fuckers that ever let me do it - and I know full God damn well it was my choice/fault/willing action. I barely forgave myself! For letting them let me! Or that I even let me let them do it! So. No. It was immediately made clear. Day 1.
Throughout this treachery The Joke made here-and-there comments about like “pass it this way” and “why don’t you save me any” and other repulsively ignorant and juvenile comments and my stance toward the matter remained firm. Which he always met with “yeah I know! I’m obviously joking! I agree! I would never do that to you” Like I was crazy for hardening my responses. Fucker, fucking fucker.
Seeing/hearing what I have vulnerably shared and experienced since the first day I made this choice (and I know not everyone who has/will make that choice is going to have MY experience. I’m not claiming that. I’m claiming ‘I don’t give a fuck what another person’s experience may be - I am not fucking here for it’ - ‘it’s a no from me dawg’
Knowing how desperately I am trying AND want AND try to want (some days it really do be like that) to stop smoking crystal. To end-all repair the damage it has done to myself, my relationships and my life. To prevent the inevitable damage that waits if I don’t.
Not to mention all the attempts at ‘crazy making’ by exploiting my guilt and fear of potential harm: caused by crystal meth. ie; “you’re definitely sleep-stealing my keys and/or moving things because YOU’RE smoking crystal meth, and that shit is BAD bad + your traumatic childhood,’ (that he doesn’t give a fuck about unless using it against me in similar scenarios) ‘so come on. You can’t deny engaging in these behaviors, that I refuse tell you about. You meth-trauma black events out.. you’re not conscious of it because of YOUR big bad drug.” (which it is and I don’t intend to downplay it)
Seriously. These are real events & that’s just scratching the fucking surface. Note: this blog intentionally has NO followers and is ran anonymously. My intention is only to self-vindicate the man made madness I've enabled. Yet STILL it manages to drag into a month and a half of my God damn precious and OBVIOUSLY seriously fucking sensitive time. I feel NO shame for that; for struggling right now. For falling the fuck on my ass/face/faceassfuckhands onto a SERIOUSLY cemented floor! that manages to also be falling upwards into my fucking face! So instead of ceasing upon impact; continuously bashing my fucking FACE in. It fucking happens man. I fucking know that and I fucking own it as shamelessly as is safe to. Not as a way to justify where I am right now - but to foster a belief that I am worth the insidiously meticulous effort that's required to be better. In a better position to improve the quality of how I serve myself and thus actually beginning to serve those around me. Jesus shit what a Joke. I can’t believe I let myself: be treated this way, be ignorant to it, be willing to entertain the idea that maybe it was OK (even warranted).. but between you and me: I find it even harder to believe that another human being - one who has clearly been deeply wounded as well - can see the genuine sincerity of another human being’s soul and heart.. compulsively bleeding from a profundity raw enough to captivate a nihilist.. and humbly exposes it.. with nothing but purity in the regard of inherit human good.. and could intentionally stick their dirty fucking arms vigorously inside and tear at the exposed gauge made faithfully available. I’m not innocent here. But there’s no blood on my hands. I won’t point my fingers but my eyes are staring right at you. I know what you did to me. I did not agree to it. I agreed to taking the risk. Do you know what you did to me? Educate yourself. Wash your fucking hands.
I didn’t bring any crystal to Budapest today. I didn’t know I was going to begin opening this, or I would have.
= I’ve got to go for a smokes.
That’s enough for now.
7:55PM I don’t know wtf but Doug offered me to get stoned and so I did outside but the guys who needed to switch rooms came back and then outside too because they insisted on my break.. Golf was looking for tape and offered me a Tim Horton’s, I said hot chocolate. Then Striped Vest guy also forever chatted and offered me a Tim Horton’s; I said hot chocolate. Still no tape and I tell him about Striped Vest and hot chocolate. He says ok. Meanwhile, Doug and his friend Chevy Lover are shooting the shit too and Doug asked for my number. Well first he asked if I was single. He asked if I was dating anybody LOL first of all I’m stoned and second of all the literal words out of my mouth were ‘everybody’ sincerely believing it as a reflection of my innocent love for life and immediately realizing that was a stupid answer so on reflex I said “no, myself. ha ha no. nobody. nope. that’s a. this guy who was my boyfriend died once. like a long time ago. no. weird. yeah it was wicked. wait what? why? but no. I don’t. not.” and I’ll never forget that or this hot chocolate.
8:03PM Golf asked me to put his poppy on (dude you’re 51, you’ve definitely done this more than me and I HATE war) so I asked him like, when the war was and what it was called - “Oh no, I don’t know a lot about history” meanwhile a second ago he was like “I guess I should put one on because my Grandpa fought in the war” no that was you. anyways so I’m learning about WW1. You say you remember so much, name 5 of our veterans? #therealneverforget
Disclaimer: I still haven’t read anything about it, I’m sorry to all relatives of dead soldiers I deeply condolence and RIP. No disrespect. We out here.
8:07PM Damn I really wish I had another hot chocolate.
8:39PM How is it not midnight?
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