#ok i have an ok grasp of what happens in the future because i've been watching people watch this for a while but i won't comment on

[littlelioncub43]

The Way It Was

Summary: Dennis has a bad day and takes it out on you.

Pairing: Dennis Baker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst, yelling/shouting, a now insecure reader, hurt/comfort, Dennis being a meany because of a bad day, poor communication skills, Dennis gets reminded of what his life was like before, fluff eventually.

Word count: I have no idea, I wrote this on my phone

A/N: So! This was unexpected! And I've decided to make this a little 2 parter! I'm currently working on part 2, I'll have it up by tomorrow. I felt like these two needed a little drama, don't you think?? I think so. 😈 p.s. I named this after The Killers song "The Way It Was" and I just want to say that I love that band.

Part 2

Dennis was stressed out at work, a member of his division quit so the already bulky workload nearly doubled while they looked for a replacement. Your anniversary was coming up and he wanted to plan the perfect date but all the restaurants he wanted to take you to seemed to be booked solid the entire weekend. And, to top it all off, he spilled old coffee all over himself on the way home from work.

So when he got home, he wasn't in the best of moods, and for some reason your soft smile didn't make it better. He needed space, some time to himself to decompress from everything. You were too cheerful for him to deal with right now, and the last thing he wanted was for you to dump everything that happened to you on to him. When you wrapped your arms around him while you told him about something funny that you saw on the way to his place— he just snapped.

"Jesus— would you stop?! Please!" He boomed suddenly, pulling himself from your grasp and taking a few steps away from you. "I don't want to hear about whatever happened to you, right now, ok? I don't care. I don't want you hanging off my fucking arm, it's too fucking much, all the time! Just leave me alone!"

You flinch when he shouts, jumping back as he continues to yell and put some distance between the two of you. Standing still, you listen to him get it out. You knew he was in a bad mood when he got home, you didn't know it was this bad. You can barely fight back the tears that want to well up in your eyes, but you do. You had a knack for holding things like that in.

"Alright, um," you say softly and scratch the back of your neck, you feel embarrassed for having been so clingy. You really should learn how to read the room better. "I'm sorry I overstepped, I didn't know. I'll, uh, be more mindful of that in the future. But I'll get going, let you have some time to yourself."

Dennis feels like an asshole the minute he stopped yelling. He was already having a bad day, and your smile quickly disappearing as he yelled at you made it worse. The way your voice was so serious and oddly small made his heart sink into his stomach. He wants to apologize immediately, but, of course, his words seem to die on his tongue. You take his silence as your que to grab your things and head for the door.

"I'll see you later, Dennis," you call softly on your way towards the door. Once the door shuts with a gentle click, Dennis wants to cry, he wants to chase after you and apologize— but instead he's glued to his spot in the kitchen.

Your drive home was quiet, your only focus was getting home before you sobbed at the next longest red light. Thankfully you made it to the safety of your home still intact. Sending him a quick "made it home" text, you settle into bed early. The words Dennis said on repeat in your mind. He had a right to be upset, you knew that, but it didn't lessen the pain in your chest. Eventually, you cry yourself to sleep for the first time in a long time.

Dennis on the other hand, couldn't sleep a wink. The guilt was eating him alive, everytime he shut his eyes he saw the lightheartedness drained from your eyes and slowly be replaced by a dull pained emotion. And knowing that he was the reason behind it made him sick to his stomach.

He might have gotten an hour's worth of sleep when he heard his alarm going off. He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he got up. He pulled himself out of bed and went on about his normal routine, except there was no "good morning, handsome" texts from you. No "did you get enough sleep" texts. No "I had a weird dream" texts. It was dead quiet, and there was nearly nothing of yours to be found in his apartment. He was alone like he wanted. And for the first time in nearly a year, Dennis was reminded of what his life was like before you.

And that terrified him.

I no longer have a taglist! If you'd like to stay up-to-date on when I post, follow @littlelioncub-library 💖

Dividers by the lovely @firefly-graphics

[one-sad-human]

•Pinky Promises• Steven Adler

Pairing: Steven Adler x Reader, Axl Rose x Sibling! Reader

Requested? Yup! By an anon

Theme: Angst(?) to fluff

Warnings: Language, sexual references but nothing explicit

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Fic 1 of 2! Hope you enjoy! Also, the makeout near the end gets sorta hot and it was pretty fun to write? Like I’m considering exploring into writing smutter pieces. I didn’t want to originally because I thought I’d cringe all the way through and hate the result but I might try it out in the near future. Nothing too crazy but it’s something for me to think about.

     You step off of the large bus, your combat boots hitting the ground as you adjust the bag slung over your shoulder. It's stuffed to the brim with whatever you threw in, you're surprised the zipper did burst.

     You take a deep breath of the LA air. It's hot and humid and despite the thick air pollution, you can breath easier than you did in Indiana.

     You grew up in Lafayette, Indiana with your older half-brother William. You were raised in the hellish house with your shared father, which you finally managed to escape.

     William left right at eighteen. He tried taking you with him, but you didn't want him to be charged with kidnapping and have the cops on his ass. Now, two years and your father's stolen wallet later, you're finally in the city of dreams.

     "Will!" You yell out, spotting your redheaded other half.

     "Y/N!" He mocks, catching your figure in a crushing hug. He's taller than you, so you have to stand on your tippy toes during the embrace. "Thank God you're alright."

     "I'm fine, I'm happy to finally see you again," you say, a huge grin on your face. "How's the band? Everything going well?"

     "Well enough," he says with a shrug, grabbing your heavy bag and slinging it around his shoulder. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys. You already know Izzy of course, but the rest of them."

     The walk to the 'hell house' as Will had called it is filled with catching up. He made sure to keep in contact with you, but the phone calls were always short. It felt nice to have a full length conversation in person with your brother again.

     "Welcome home," Will says, leading you into the house. You grimace when you catch a whiff of stale beer and weed.

     "You seriously live here? This place should be condemned," you say with disgust.

     "And then where would we live?" The oh-so familiar voice of Will's best friend meets your ears. You whip around and fly into his arms.

     "Jeffery! I missed you so much! You really should've tried calling, you ass!" You exclaim. Izzy rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless, patting your back during the hug.

     "Who's this?" Another man enters the living room— if that's what it should even be called. He's blonde, taller than you but shorter than the other two men in the room. He has kind eyes and the smile he has on his handsome face leaves you speechless.

     "U-uh, hi. I'm Y/N," you say after a moment of shameless gawking. If he noticed, he doesn't mention it.

     "Oh that's right! Axl talks a lot about you! I'm Steven," he says and bounds up to you, catching your hand in a shake. You don't question who the hell 'Axl' is, but you smile stupidly at him and bite your lip with a blush staining your face.

     "No," Will says, glaring at the cute blonde you've taking an immediate liking to. "Absolutely not."

     "William!" You squeak out, pinching his shoulder harsher. He yelps and swats your hand away. Will glares further at you as he ushers you up the creaky stairs to your room. "Nothing happened! And who the fuck is 'Axl'?"

     "I saw how you were looking at him! I'm not naive, Y/N. You were giving him the 'fuck me' eyes! And me, everyone calls me Axl here." You give him a look. "Except you, of course. You can call me Will."

     You don't give him another word as he leads you to your bedroom. He was the one who didn't have a roommate before, and he'd have to share with Slash now but he was determined to give you your privacy.

     "This is the only room with a working lock, use it. Especially when your changing! Three horny men in a house with one you isn't a good combo." You make a face and shake your head, but you can't really tell if he's being overprotective or if his band mates really are pigs.

     "Are you not including Izzy?"

     "Please, he's the only smart one besides me. He knows I'll rip him a new one." You laugh and give Will another hug.

     "I've really missed hanging out with you like this, and thank you for letting me stay here." He nods and rubs your back.

     "No problem, we have each other's backs, always." You nod and release your bother from the hug. "One rule though: no hooking up with the guys. One time thing or not, you don't know them like I do, I won't let you get hurt. So don't even try anything with Steven!"

     "Even if it's nothing sex?" Will levels you with a look that would make you sweat if you were anyone else. You sigh and roll your eyes. "Fine! I promise."

     "Pinky promise?" He asks, holding out his pinky finger. You shake your head but comply anyway, hooking your pinky on his.

     "Wow, bringing out the big guns, pinky promises," you tease.

     "Bitch," he mumbles. You gasp sarcastically.

     "Asshole!" You reply. William takes his leave with another slew of insults under his breath but none to be taken seriously and all with a smile. You shut your door after him and lay on your bed, content with how things are finally beginning to look up.

If you knew where you would be in just a few months of living with your brother and his band, you never would've agreed to the naive promise Will had forced on you. You think back to the day with a frown.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Steven asks, pecking your bare shoulder as he lays behind you on your bed. You both lay naked and damp with sweat, glowing from the moonlight streaming in the room.

"William," you say with a sigh.

"We just had sex and your thinking of your brother? Should I be worried about you?" Steven asks teasingly. You fight the smile growing on your face and lightly pinch the his arm tightly wrapped around you. He never fails to make you laugh.

"I just feel bad keeping this a secret from him." You turn around to be face to face with Steven. "It's been months of sneaking around. I'm always nervous we'll get caught together or I'll blurt it out to him."

"Then why don't we just tell him?"

"Do you want to die! Steven, honestly, do you have a death wish?"

"No, but—"

"Then we can't tell my brother we're together. He'll murder you, and then probably me one he finds out how long I've been lying to him," you say and move your head in the crook of Steven's neck.

"Then we can be together in the afterlife!" Steven folds his arms around you even tighter. "Seriously though, we can't lie to him forever. We've been together for six months already, surely he'll see how much we care about each other and not want to kill us."

"Yeah, maybe," you say halfheartedly and close your eyes, finally letting yourself fall asleep.

The next night, Guns has a gig at the Whiskey A-Go Go. The ritual goes like it has been, they play the gig, you wait for Will to get drunk, and you and Steven sneak out to the back of the club to make out and maybe get felt up a bit before returning like nothing happened.

It isn't different this time. Steven's hands leave your skin ablaze as he lets them wander down your sides and up your thighs. His lips don't leave yours, even as he squeezes your ass and you let out a moan. He grins on your mouth and presses his pelvis up to your stomach.

His mouth leaves yours to press feather light kisses to your cheek before trailing down your jaw and onto your neck, where he sucks nips at. You have to press a hand to your mouth to stay quiet.

"Don't leave marks," you remind him through batted breath.

"I won't," he reassures and silences you with a chaste kiss to your swollen lips before returning his attack on your neck.

You hear footsteps fast approaching, but as quickly as you hear them, Steven is ripped away from you. He's slammed into the brick wall next to you harshly and groans. You jump away and gasp.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" William asks, his voice lower than usual. His green eyes dark and downright scary.

"Will! Let him go, come on. Stop fucking around, you didn't have to slam him into a wall," you say, but your shaky voice falls on deaf ears as Will doesn't move. Your hands grasp at his arm and try to yank him away from Steven, but he's stronger and taller than you and doesn't budge, he just keeps his eyes focused on Steven.

"Nothing!" He squeaks out. Even in the dark, his kiss bruised lips and flushed red face is obvious.

"'Nothing?' That's why you were ten seconds away from fucking Y/N?" Will asks.

"William stop it! You're scaring me! Leave him alone!" You push him again and this time, he relents. Will paces and runs his hand through his red locks while you rush to make sure Steven is ok.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Steven mutters and presses a kiss to your brow to comfort you, sending you a smile when he pulls away. He keeps his hands on your arms and rubs circles with his thumbs.

"How long has this been going on?" Will asks, crossing his arms as he finally stops his pacing.

"Six months..." Steven says nervously. William scoffs and shakes his head. "But it isn't just fucking around! I love them, Ax. Really."

You smile bashfully, biting your lip to try and contain it. You knew you felt strongly for Steven and that he returned the feelings, but you haven't outright said you loved each other— until know of course.

Will stays silent for a few beats, staring contemplative at Steven. He finally sighs, bring a hand up to rub his temples like he has a building headache.

"Yeah? And you love him, Y/N?" He asks. You nod, reaching out to grab Steven's hand. Steven lets a grin creep on to his face. "Then I guess I can't stop you. But if you ever break their heart, I'll fucking gut you, Adler."

If Will makes Steven nervous, he doesn't show it. He gives him a salute with his puppy dog like smile before sticking out his pinky.

"I promise I'll never hurt Y/N purposely, ever." Will rolls his eyes, the irony makes him nearly groan aloud. He sucks it up anyway when he sees your hopeful expression, hooking his pinky onto Steven's.

"Don't make me regret this, Steven," Will grumbles before leaving and walking back into the crowded club. Steven lets out an exhilarated laugh and kisses you, hard.

"Told you he wouldn't kill me!" Steven exclaims, making you laugh out of surprise.

"And we don't have to sneak around anymore!" Steven kisses you again, and again and again until you're breathless.

"I'm so in love with you," he mumbles between his attack on your lips. You smile, tangling your hands in his aqua-net filled hair.

"As I am with you."

[engravedthoughts]

I get so frustrated with myself apart from the lucid image of my life eroding everything in front of me.

I wish I was a gentler person.

Someone who knows exactly what to say to everyone when they are in a war within themselves. I wish I knew the exact combination of words to construct, to seem allusive and not to sound as cliché as "I understand." or "Things will be OK." when these words lost their essence long before I could ever grasp them myself.

I wish I was not the result of all the things that happened in my life, except for the few good parts of it. I wish the way I perceive things is not the same as my mom, who tried everything but received less. Or not my father, who did even the distorted things.

How am I deemed a friend when I don't even come to grips with my own deformities? When the only way I know is to flee from it and turn myself blind. I don't even have the guts to stare straight at the diffident eyes of my demons. When in the pit, I don't even have intentions to crawl up and get back because in there, it is much less daunting.

I have such a firm boundary that keeps these ego, arrogance, and wrath hidden behind the walls of my soft and delicate side so I can be deemed less vulnerable. It takes so much time, running in circles, for me to fully accept the idea of having people I could lean on, but by then it's too late, for I've already lost them.

And when things do slip, I have little to no plans to save them, pondering whether they deserve the chase, believing that they slipped for a reason, for they won't be moving an inch if they don't.

Maybe, just maybe, if things were only been different back then, maybe I could be that person; a gentler one.

But I hope I am not that far yet from making up to it.

I hope.

— “I wish I'll be able to tell this to my future self in case I fail to do this now.”

[nekostar4004-1]

Ok so I wanted to do a little analysis around what happened recently in the manga and this is the best way I can put it. Be aware I'm gonna babble a lot.

I've got some theories I want to talk about and I need to remind everyone that nothing I say is legit until the author proves it, I'm just speculating.

1. What is the black hole?

I have no idea, so far I can only assume it's a supernatural and it looks like a weird one to me.

2. What is the hole's intention?

The supernaturals are suppose to be "bad" (based on exorcist statements). It sure didn't look friendly so I think they have bad intentions in some way, therefore I'll go with that. (And that's about all I can think of this thing)

3. Why was baby Tsukasa able to see it?

I heard some rumors in the fandom which said that Tsukasa's death was close and that's why he could see it (and that Amane wasn't suppose to die for some reason). I didn't really get it but I'll go with my own little assumption about this as well.

You know there are sayings that twins can share a special bond? genetically or spiritually they can be connected in a way that average siblings can't? There are some documentaries and stories on the net that can prove this somehow... (I'm not gonna go on detail you get the idea).

Amane was on a verge of death, that means he should've been able to see supernaturals but I guess he was too sick to bother going out of his room and meet one, and I think Tsukasa was able to see the "bad" supernatural because of this special bond he probably shares with Amane despite the fact he was healthy. (It could be because they're kids too and they're suppose to be more believable in these things maybe).

I can consider the fact that Tsukasa was about to be sacrificed as well, however he wasn't a kannagi, only kannagis can communicate with supernaturals while still alive, he didn't have kannagi blood so he shouldn't have been able to see it if that was the case, this one kinda left me confused.

Well that's my theory for this one. AidaIro can make a whole story about this "bad" supernatural, that goes back before the twins were born and discard my theory if they want.

4. Was Amane's illness suppose to happen?

Considering that "changing one's fate" happened in this manga before with Amane, I took it as a possibility even if I'm more keen to believe that it was natural. I have yet to know more about this "bad" supernatural to presume this illness could be their doing.

Also I don't think average supernaturals should be able to do something like this so easily (changing fates/futures) so it must be a pretty strong one, or is it able to break some kind of "rules"

5. Tsukasa's lack of empathy.

I think this happened way before baby Tsukasa granted Amane's wish to be cured, since the first one he made to that supernatural. The more this supernatural granted wishes to Tsukasa the more they manipulated him negatively until Tsukasa started sacrificing living beings thinking it was ok, counting he was also naive at that age and wasn't grasping the concept of morality yet, by the looks of it I mean, Tsukasa is a slow learner but he was capable of caring and loving still and he was also considerate of his twin's sadness before he sacrificed.

His view on life and death?

The reason I'd say he's not able to treasure life the same way as everyone else in his current state, it's because to him death and life don't make a difference, because of how this bad supernatural twisted his view on it, the way he "died" (sacrificed) when he was a kid might have given him this idea. If he had a death similar to his twin (or rather the escalation to it) sorrowful, than he would have thought different (assuming if he's able to think for himself at the moment and not someone else doing it for him), but it wasn't like that and he also came back to life the same way, casually. Now to be honest, I see this view on death neutral myself and I don't want to consider it "bad" necesary, but Tsukasa was taught to disregard life too easily it seems, and that may not be good by the looks of it.

Want to add that this also seemed pretty planned, I think the bad supernatural influenced Tsukasa this way to obtain a secure "connection" with him. This is the conclusion I came with so far.

I have to wait before I assume if Tsukasa was/is controlled or not by this supernatural or if them merging together created an entire different "thing". But it's safe to say that he was manipulated into his own madness, since supernaturals should not interfere with humans or exist in their world without rumors. Actually I just realize this thing had no rumors when this happened, how is it able to just appear there around the house with no rumors?

6. A similarity between Sumire and Tsukasa.

So far the only similarity I considered between Tsukasa and Sumire is that they're both "walking" yorishiros (idk how to call them since they're not objects so I come up with this term) and recently they sang the same lullaby about.... something.

Remember there was this subject about Sumire's spirit being able to separate itself from her (kannagi?) body? Now I'm not sure if supernaturals can do it too, or special yorishiros, or just kannagis only. We only saw Sumire do that and she's not a supernatural from all I know, just a kannagi and a yorishiro. Why I bring this up it's because I think this "separation" thing is trying to hint to Tsukasa as well (and I based that solely on the fact that they sang the same lullaby 🤷‍♀️).

7. Tsukasa wasn't meant to be a supernatural.

This is mainly interpretation, I think the moment Tsukasa died and passed to the far shore, this "bad" supernatural must have took something from him, the spirit? The body? Anything else? To not let him rest basically, because I'm guessing it tries to find a way to walk "free" if that makes sense, and also to turn Tsu into a supernatural (which they did).

I'm still confused as how one can become a supernatural though? Before, I assumed it's because you have unfinished business or a regret but that will only turn you into a ghost, not a supernatural with special powers and all that jazz.

And I also assumed (and still do) that the reason Amane become Hanako it's because he committed a severe sin (a crime) besides the regret, Amane also murdered and I thought that's why he became a supernatural ghost but now looking at it seems too simple....

(On top of that what made him and others for that matter deserving of a mystery seat? It can't be just because you can commit murder, idk my brain is rotting at this point I'm not gonna debate on this now it's besides the point).

1.2 What is the black hole? Again.

Ok so, I need to make a pause and go back to the first theory because I just come up with this new addition out of the blue, while my brain rotted.

Basically I think this black hole (aka bad supernatural) could be connected with the kannagis (sacrifices), and maybe that's why it was able to appear in the house without a rumor. I wasn't too sure if it's a supernatural or not because it doesn't seems to follow the same "rules" as the other supernaturals I've known so far. And why I think it's connected with the sacrifices/kannagis? Is because, well, I think these images look similar

And also because this "bad supernatural" is later referred to as "the curse of the red house" and Katakuri said something interesting in these panels.

"We become beings who only exist to curse the living"

So idk, maybe I'll just call it a curse at this point now. Guess I just discarded the third theory by myself now lol.

However, it's still not clear why this thing cursed the yugi house? And why it sacrificed Tsukasa? (And how's he able to see it?). At this point I think these brothers are being used/played by something.

There's something more I wanted to talk about but for now I think this is enough.

[katedrakeohd]

A Very Merry Birthday (6)

[Masterlist]

Rated: Mature 18+

(3 🍋s on fire, because we're talking threesome here.)

Characters involved: (TRH)Drake & Kate Walker, Preston Davis the bodyguard.

Content warning: Sexual situations (dubcon, masturbation, threesome), swearing, angst, fluff.

Word count: 6000+ (buckle up, get your popcorn and prefered beverage ready)

Prompts included: From Wacky Drabbles- ( they appear bolded in story, but not necessarily in order)

#82 - I didn't realize I needed your permission.

#84 - Just keep moving.

#85 - Do you want me to leave?

::

Tagging:

@darley1101 @sfb123 @mom2000aggie @fluffyfirewhiskey @jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @kingliam2019 @no-one-u-know @nikkis1983 @glaimtruelovealways @texaskitten30 @bbrandy2002 @marshmallowsandfire

Drake leaves Preston alone in his room to get changed. Standing in the silence of the hallway all he could hear and feel were the sound of his blood rushing through his ears and the thud of his heart in his chest and throat. 

Being alone with Kate was his favourite way to spend an evening, and now he had invited another man over to participate. He was still unsure how this night was going to go. The thought of watching his wife touching another man in a sensual way was outside of his comfort zone. He had to trust Kate to not take this too far. He also had to keep himself from wanting to murder Preston for taking pleasure out of touching and kissing his wife. And somehow he had to find pleasure of his own if he was to perform adequately to please Kate. Fuck, this feels all kinds of wrong. 

He sees Preston come out of his room with his hair combed, dressed in trousers, but in bare feet. Drake gives him a wry grin and runs his fingers back through his own hair to fix it. Preston's rakish good looks were already exaggerated by the thickness of his mustache and the scruff of his stubble, making Drake feel less masculine with his shaven cheeks and neatly trimmed hair. He suddenly understood how Maxwell felt about Drake showing off his chest hair at the beach, or when he rolled up his sleeves to do a strenuous task. Drake's stomach was suddenly in knots and he wished he had some whiskey to take the edge off his nerves. He doesn't know what to say to the mountain of a man standing next to him, so he just acknowledges him with a nod and then knocks at his hotel room door.

"You don't have your key?" Preston asks, keeping his voice low.

Drake shakes his head, speaking softly, "No, I gave it to her."

From the other side of the door they can hear Kate ask with a playful sing song tone of voice, "Who is it?"

Drake leans against the doorframe and then says, "Room service."

The door opens and Kate looks them over with a smile on her face, "Hello."

Drake grins, "I believe you ordered the two for one entertainment special."

Kate steps back to allow them to come into the room. "Yes, yes I did. Come on in."

After Kate closes the door behind them there's a brief awkward moment as the two men glance at each other and then toward Kate expectantly. With a gentle smile, Kate walks over to Drake and stretches up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. He wraps his arm around her back to hug her to his side and she rests her hand on his cheek, whispering in his ear. 

"You've done well, my love. Why don't you go off to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and freshen up a bit while I talk privately with Preston for a moment?"

Drake looks quickly to Preston and then lets go of Kate, keeping his voice low, "Are you sure? Maybe I should stay."

Patting him gently on the chest, she grins, "Don't worry. We'll be fine. I'm not going to start anything while you're gone."

Drake looks between Kate and Preston, trying to fight the uneasy feeling in his gut. Walking over to the bed he keeps an eye on them as he sits down to take off his shoes and socks. "No funny business, Preston. I know very well how irresistible Kate can be."

Preston smirks at him, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I promise to keep my hands to myself, sir."

"Good."

After Drake disappears into the bathroom, Preston breathes a sigh of relief, relaxing a little. "Is he always like this?"

Kate grins at the bodyguard, leading him further into the room. "Drake's complicated."

She sits down on the end of the bed and he settles down into the comfortable armchair opposite. 

"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

Kate shrugs, crossing her legs and arranging her skirt around her knees. "You can ask."

"What's it like to be married to a guy like him?"

"It's interesting, sometimes infuriating, definitely intense, and absolutely incredible."

Preston chuckles, "That's a lot of 'I' words to describe someone."

Kate glances toward the bathroom, wondering how much Drake can overhear.

"Trust me, Drake's the whole alphabet. The only drawback is that he just won't shut up about his feelings."

Preston chuckles again, "Good one. I know I have some 'a' words to describe him too. But I'll keep those to myself."

Kate nods, "Considering that he's your boss, I think that's smart. I want to apologize again for hurting you. I was afraid if I hadn't stopped things that Drake might have hurt you worse."

Preston looks down at his lap, "You could have just slapped my face again."

"Yeah, I know. So are you still sore?"

Preston leans forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees, "A little tender, there will probably be bruising tomorrow, but not my first time taking a hit to the groin."

Kate appraises him over again, lifting her eyebrow, "So you've gotten handsy with an unwilling date before? You don't strike me as that kind of guy, Preston."

He shakes his head, "Nah, nah. I've just been dumb enough to play backyard sports without a cup."

Drake returns from the bathroom, "Oh yeah? What kind of sports did you play?"

Kate interrupts before Preston can answer, "Don't tell me you two would rather discuss sports, than play with me. If so, I'll just send Preston back to his room and you two can chitchat on the drive home tomorrow."

Drake shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips, "No, after all the trouble I went through to get him here, I'd rather see what kind of play you have in mind."

Kate glances between her two men with a smile, "Before we play we need to set some rules."

"Ok," Preston says, sitting back in his chair.

Drake nods, "But, don't forget about my stipulation that I brought up earlier."

"Which is?" Preston wants to know.

Kate sighs giving Preston an apologetic look, "Drake insisted that no part of you was allowed inside of any part of me."

Preston frowns, "That kind of reduces any sort of fun for me in this situation doesn't it?"

Drake folds his arms across his chest, "Well yeah, sorry to burst your bubble but I'm just trying to protect my marital relationship here. I don't want this, whatever it turns out to be, jeopardizing my marriage by turning into some future affair between you two."

"You know I'm the one who is supposed to be in charge here right? One night of fun isn't going to ruin anything. Trust me, Drake." Kate insists. "We've already been over this."

Preston digs into the pocket of his trousers, pulling out a foil condom packet, "And if you're that worried about what might happen in the heat of the moment, I did bring protection."

"See? There you go, Drake. He came prepared. Now let's get this party started. And as the Duchess in Charge, I am deciding our party games."

"Sexual party games, seriously?" Drake grumbles, rolling his eyes. 

Kate gets up from the bed, "Oh come on, Mr. Crankypants. I know you'll enjoy them, and besides I'll be explaining how we play each game as we go."

"Mr. Crankypants. I bet you were a barrel of laughs at birthday parties when you were a kid," Preston laughs.

Drake shoots him an angry glare, and Preston smirks back at him, "Speaking of name calling, that brings up an issue. If she's directing the action, I need to know how I'm supposed to acknowledge you both. In my job I use, 'Your Grace, Sir, and Ma'am.'  And I don't know if that works here, considering how intimate we're all about to be."

Drake breathes an annoyed sigh, jabbing his thumb in Preston's direction as he addresses his wife, "If I hear him saying your name in any sort of passionate or seductive way I'm seriously going to lose it. I'll kill him with my bare hands."

"Ok, fine. To safeguard Preston's life, and my husband's precious ego, I'll allow Preston to call me 'K'. Is that neutral enough?"

Drake nods and so does Preston. 

"And so he'll be 'D' then?"

Kate shrugs, "Works for me, but I'm still using both your proper names."

Drake folds his arms, "Ok, so what's happening first?"

"We undress of course, and I'm hoping neither of you are shy. Because I want you and Preston to undress each other. But I want everyone to keep their underoos on for now."

Drake sticks his hand in his pocket, grabbing a handful of Kate's panties. "Um, but you aren't wearing yours."

Preston swallows, "Sh..she's not?"

Drake pulls the lacy undergarment out of his pocket, "Nope. I took these off of her earlier."

Kate holds her hand out, "I'll take them back now."

He dangles them off his finger and then drops them into her hand. "So who is the lucky guy that gets to put them back on you?"

"The first guy down to his underwear gets to slide mine back on, but here's the catch, the other guy gets to take my dress off of me," Kate says with a grin. 

Preston pushes himself up out of the chair, an amused twinkle in his eye and a smile tugging at his mouth, "So one of us gets to touch you from the top down, while the other gets to touch you from the bottom up? I like how you play games K. Fun for everybody."

Drake steps forward to place his hand on Preston's arm, "Curb your enthusiasm there, cowboy."

Preston shakes his arm out of Drake's grasp. "If you're gonna get grabby then help me out of my clothes, D."

Drake turns to face Preston, staring him down as he untucked his dress shirt. The olive that Kate threw at him earlier falls out and bounces off Preston's foot. He looks down, "Is that an olive?"

"Don't ask," Drake mutters, undoing the buttons on the cuff of his sleeve, "I'm gonna help you out here, since you're dressed a lot more casually than I am."

Preston laughs, grabbing Drake by the sleeve to stop him from undressing further, "Hey, stop cheating. I'm supposed to do that for you."

Drake looks down at Preston's simple t-shirt and dress pants, and sees that he isn't wearing a belt. Damn, I want to be the one putting her panties on. Maybe if I take my time he'll get me down to my underwear first. Shit, that means he gets to touch her first. Damn you Kate. You're determined to piss me off with these party games.

Kate twirls her panties around her finger, "Come on you two, get with the baring of skin already. Don't make me take this dress off myself."

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Drake mutters, as he undoes the button on Preston's dress pants and then plucks at the fabric of his shirt to untuck it.

"Watch it there, D... I'm ticklish," Preston smirks as he works on the last two buttons of Drake's shirt. 

"Shut up, Preston," Drake grumbles, as he hears Kate giggle. 

"I didn't know watching two guys undress could be so entertaining. Keep going."

Preston undoes Drake's belt and dress pants next, staring him in the eye as he pulls down the zipper. "Lemme guess, your underwear are black too."

With a frown, Drake brushes Preston's hands aside. "Hands up, Meathead. I'm gonna pull up your shirt."

Preston's protest is muffled by Drake's yanking of his shirt up toward his head.  "Hey, the name calling isn't necessary. And ouch, you pinched me."

Drake makes sure to mess up Preston's hair as he tugs the shirt off of him and tosses it aside. 

"Hah, you're just jealous of my hair," Preston laughs as he brushes his back into place with his fingers.

Drake barks back, "Hardly, and your mustache looks ridiculous."

Preston shrugs, "Whatever you say, babyface."

"Hey! I'm fully capable of growing whatever beard I want. I just chose to shave before my date, and get a haircut. I..I wanted to look good for Kate," Drake argues, catching his wife's eye briefly, and then squaring off in front of his bodyguard again.

"No arguments here, Honey, but you're still overdressed. Preston, be a dear and even the playing field by taking off my husband's shirt. Then you'll see he has no trouble in the hair department."

Preston unbuttons the cuff on Drake's other sleeve and then peels back his shirt, letting it slide down his arms to the floor. Drake places his hands on his hips. The motion, combined with 

the weight of his belt and the phone in his pocket makes his dress pants fall down around his ankles. "Whoops, looks like I'm down to my underwear first."

Preston turns toward Kate, "He did that on purpose."

While Drake steps out of his pants, Kate shrugs and tosses her panties at him. "Here you go."

Drake tucks the edge of the lacy waistband into his mouth, mumbling as he relieves Preston of his pants, shoving them down over his ass. "There..ffinsh the rest of tht yrself."

Slipping Kate's panties over his wrist, Drake steps over to his wife. "Before I hand you off to him, and I'm forced to watch as he strips you naked, I want something first."

Kate licks her lips as he reaches up to cup her face in his hands, tilting her head back. "Oh, and what's that?"

As he leans in for a kiss the firm pressure of his mouth against hers almost hurts, making her whimper. He was determined to remind her that no matter how Preston touched her, he was the most important man in her life. When he finally pulls back, her lips are tingling.

He whispers a soft apology against her cheek when he sees her pained expression, "I'm sorry. Just please promise me something."

"What?" She whispers back, as he leans his forehead against hers, softly stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. 

"Make sure he asks your permission before he touches you anywhere. If he's rough with you in any way I'll never forgive myself." 

Stepping back, he sees her nod. "Okay," she whispers.

Turning away he glares at Preston, "She's all yours, but I'm warning you that I'm watching your every move. If I see your hands treating her with anything but the greatest of respect, I'll break your fingers and then I'll break your face. Understood?"

Preston nods, "Yes, understood. I promise to be as gentle as possible."

"Good. Oh and Preston?"

"Yeah?" He asks, as he steps out of his pants. His heart threatened to burst out of his chest, it was pounding so hard.

"Make sure she enjoys every second of it."

…

Drake's underwear weren't black afterall, they were blue. Preston's were grey. Kate's were black silk and lace. Drake was currently running them through his hands, and occasionally wrapping them around his fist. He watched Preston approach Kate, hoping he'd chicken out, or at least trip and fall on his big mustached face. His feet were big enough, but no such bad luck. Staring at Preston's back, with its broad shoulders and defined muscles made him feel small. Glancing down at the other man's large hands, he felt an ache in his gut over the thought of them being capable of touching Kate with tenderness. The way Kate's eyes traveled over Preston as he smiled at her, made Drake feel sick. He didn't want to watch Preston undress his wife, but at the same time he couldn't look away. He knew the satiny fabric of her dress wouldn't need much encouragement to slide down off of her, and after being tempted all evening by how great she'd looked in it; he was just as eager as Preston to see her naked.

Kate sized up Preston as he stood before her. Physically he wasn't much taller than Drake, barely an inch, but his posture was straighter. He seemed to tower over Kate, and her line of sight was mostly filled by the wall of his chest covered nipple to nipple by a golden mat of curly chest hair. When she looked up, his lip curled upward in a smirk, making his mustache twitch.

"I'm going to touch you Preston, are you okay with that?"

He sucks in a nervous breath and nods, "If it means I get to touch you back, then go right ahead."

Kate tries not to focus on the significant bulge in his underwear as she looks down, but it wasn't easy. She wasn't going to touch him there, not yet. She starts by stroking her fingers slowly up his arms beginning at his wrists. His fingers twitch, and she can't help noticing his chest rising and falling as his rate of breathing increases. 

"If you're affected this badly when I touch your arms, then what's going to happen if I touch you somewhere else?"

 

"I..I..don't know."

The amount of meat on his limbs was slightly more than Drake's but it was definitely more muscle than fat. Kate knew Drake's measurements off by heart because she helped him pick out his suits. If Preston were to put on Drake's clothes by accident, one flex of his muscles would split the seams. 

When Kate's hands make there way up to rest on his shoulders, his hands are still hanging by his sides. She pouts up at him and the desire in his eyes as he gazes back is obvious. 

"What's the matter Preston, don't you want me?" Kate asks, lowering her lashes and then slowly looking up to search his face.

His eyes widen momentarily in surprise at the unexpected seduction she was laying on him, "Is that a trick question?"

"No."

"You're either trying to kill me, or get me killed, asking me something like that."

"Well, answer the question."

Continues here ..>

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Nick Jonas doubled down on his stance as a straight ally after queer baiting accusations, even though I've heard firsthand he's closeted. He's someone who I doubt will ever "come out" (he's also in a PR marriage).With the way H has navigated his closet more recently, being more explicit in his attraction to men while also confirming Camille as an ex-gf, and the way he has not clarified his stance as a straight ally, despite some similar criticism, I wonder what that means. I do find the way 1/3

fandom has always framed the end-all-be-all as this big coming out, but I've never found that useful. I still think that there is a large possibility that will never happen. If Harry or Louis ever come out, it would not be to confirm "Larry is real" and this also negates the fact that so many celebs go their whole life without ever coming out of the closet, and I don't think it's against their will. I just find people in the fandom love to speculate on when they will come out and how they 2/3

will do it as if it's inevitable, and I just don't see it that way at all. I'm not sure if you've discussed your thoughts on if/how HL would ever come out, but I would love to hear them if you have any. 3/3

*********

There’s a lot here anon - and I’ll try and say a little bit about what I think.

The first thing to understand the current environment for celebrities coming out.  Celebrities are coming out more than they used to, but they tend to be younger and not to have actively performed heterosexuality as part of being in the closet.  The effect of this has been to erase any structural elements of the closet.  Coming out is presented as an individual choice, as opposed to something that is mandated by structures of power within the industries involved.

The last person I can think of who publicly performed heterosexuality and then came out was Kristen Stewart.  But she’s never denied her past - it just sits there and people can believe what they want about it.  

What hasn’t happened for a while (and I’d be interested if anyone can think of any examples) is someone saying ‘I’m gay and the story I was telling about myself before was a lie’.  Ricky Martin is the last person I can think about who came out, and made it clear that the relatioship history he had told publicly wasn’t true (this is leaving out people who were clearly outted like Phillip Schofield).

That’s a very tricky envrionment for Harry and Louis to navigate if they’re together and want to come out.  It would be possible I think for them to tell a story that didn’t present everything about their dating life as a lie (definitely possible for Harry and with enough lead time also possible for Louis). But trying to do that would be high risk, because lots of people won’t believe it - and will talk about how they don’t believe it - and there’s a risk of journalists runnig aritcles about why they won’t believe it.

But things won’t necessarily stay as they are now.  Celebrity changes and the experieces of being a public LGBTQ person change.  It maybe that in five years time celebrities are much more able to expose the nature of the celebrity closet in the 2010s. We live in an incredibly unstable time - the idea that we can predict what will happen in the short term is absurd - the medium term is unthinkable.  And there are all sorts of ways that current events could ricochet and create a different environment for LGBTQ celebrities.

We don’t know what they want, we don’t know how they see this, and I try really hard not to pretend that I do know.  But when thinking about whether they might come out - it’s useful to think about things that they might want that would be difficult if they remained in the closet.

First, I may be wrong about this, but I think Louis will struggle to be an interesting popstar in the closet.  And in the current environment you gotta be interesting to get any traction.  

Second, I think it’s very difficult for them to have children together, if they don’t come out.  If either of them were with someone non famous, or even someone famous where the relationship was under a little bit less surveillance, then there are all sorts of possibilities to have kids. But if they stayed together long term, I think they’d have to choose (certainly if either of them was living a public life of any sort).  

Finally, it may be the circles we move in (I have quite a restricted dash), but I don’t see a lot of discussion of coming out on my dash.  What I saw instead - was large parts of fandom turning on a dime.  When it became untenable for those with a grasp on music industry contracts to argue that they were closeted entirely because of their contracts.  I suddenly saw lots of arguments about privacy and their desire for privacy across my dash.  I think it’s very obvious that they have reclaimed a lot of privacy.  But I think it’s a huge leap to claim that that’s the reason that they haven’t come out, partiucularly when there’s a much more obvious answer.

I’m a materialist girl, and so I am going to look at what’s going on financially first, and there’s a huge amount of money on the line for Harry’s career.  I think it’s unfortunate that fandom refuses to discuss that, because I think the implications of that refusal are quite fucked up.  I think there’s a reasonably strong belief that it wouldn’t be OK that Harry is closeted, because a huge part of his audience is invested in a romantic fantasy boyfriend version of him.  And that’s why people don’t talk about the extremely obvious, because they don’t want to acknowledge it.  But I think that ends up blaming LGBTQ people for their oppression. If society cuts off opportunities for queer entertainers if they come out (which it does), the problem there is society.  And I think it’s really homophobic to suggest that there are wrong ways of navigating the closet. 

Ultimately I don’t think the line of question you focus on - how should fans talk about their closet in the future - is a particularly useful one. Thefuture was always unknowable, and feels much more unknowable than ever right now.  We don’t know what Harry or Louis’ short, medium, or long term plans are.  Or what might change so they end up living completely different lives from what they imagine.  I think there is a lot to say about the closet in the present (and their recent past), there’s no need to suggest we know what 2025, let alone 2035 will look like (or not look like).  

[marias-studyblr]

Hi I've always been behind others when it comes to school and I don't know how to catch up and continue to do well at learning new things. I don't have good study habits or time management skills, which frustrates me. My grades are subpar, I feel insecure when people talk about things I should know but don't and I love languages and have other hobbies I want to do, but I can't find the time to do them, or if I do have time I avoid them. Basically, I'm struggling and I don't know what to do.

hello love! 💛 this message was so heartfelt and honest, i’m proud of you. i’m going to try and answer the best i can!  

so the first thing I want to say straight off the bat is: it’s possible for you to improve. you are not inferior to others: you can be alongside your peers. it is possible for you to become more disciplined with your time and have better grades.

it might seem like a simple concept but it’s difficult to grasp if you are not completely confident in your shoes… it’s not enough to know that your grades aren’t where they should be. that is an important first step, but an equally important step is to know you are not inferior to others because of it. whatever is going on, you can find a way around to be in the place you’ve always wanted to be. to be proud and confident in your change and growth! and that is difficult to actually feel in your heart. what you need is all already there in your head. you need to trust yourself!

these are a few things you may already know but might consider putting into practice:

do not stand still. even if you are terribly behind, DO NOT FREEZE. even if it’s not perfect or how you wanted it to be, keep studying what you can. (nothing’s ever perfect btw but) even if you can only cover 70% of the content, if you stop, it will be way worse.

you say yourself you have poor study habits and time management! my friend, that is the root of ALL your problems. students who have good grades always have their hours on track. it’s the way you can find your momentum, review what you’ve learned in class, memorize your notes - because you have the time and your routine set. that is SO important. if you don’t make the time to study, then you won’t reach your goals, it’s crystal clear! if well done, this will change your game completely:

create a study schedule, a schedule that isn’t impossible or irrealistic. devote time to study, sleep, exercise, off hours.

self discipline tips

and while you’re studying, actually study: how to study smart

🌒 now, in an academic environment, everyone seems really worried about three things: grades, grades and grades. and if you don’t feel like yours fit a certain standard, then you must be a ‘bad’ student. some days i need to take a step back, to understand that what matters is me, no one else.

we feel jealous and scared, we let that blind us to what is really happening inside, to why we are letting ourselves slack. we close to change by not recognizing what is underneath our behavior. it’s easy to think: “i’m just a lazy person”. but what is really going on? you know you don’t have good study habits or time management, you know you need to create a study schedule, you know you need to stop standing still, so what is really going on? why are you letting yourself slack off and beat yourself up in silence while still pursuing the same old same old habits? 

without recognizing that, you won’t understand why you’re struggling, why you’re not letting yourself live your best life. you need to recognize those feelings to be able to cope with them and move forward, with better habits and better mental health.

from my own experience, i’ve recognized those feelings that stop my game sometimes, and i understand why they came around, reflecting on my childhood, etc. and what i noticed, which was a really important distinction for me, was that i’m not a lazy person. i can have lazy moments, that’s normal, but i’m not a lazy person. i tend to work hard. however, i often approach problems the wrong way. there is sometimes a mental block, or a “wall” as i like to imagine it that has been/i’ve built around myself, from insecurities, self-doubt, anxiety, fear, that locks me to gravitate towards unhealthy habits naturally and keeps me away from the things i actually should be doing.

it takes a moment to get ourselves in a healthy mindset, to stop sabotaging ourselves, to get that wall down and start living our lives the way we know we can, do the things the way we know we should. because it doesn’t take much mental strength to do 5 minutes of duolingo every day, it’s really not that hard. it does take force and discipline to keep yourself in a healthy mindset and not let your day be governed by fears, insecurities, and finally STOP waiting and start doing.

we are very very very capable and smart! and we have so many opportunities. we’re not any less inferior than those who are already doing it. so what are we waiting for?

🌱if we are not applying these habits that we know we should do and we know are possible for us, if there’s some feeling or insecurity we need to let go of, we need to force ourselves out of our comfort zone and ask ourselves: why aren’t you studying right now? why aren’t you following this schedule? what’s stopping you? 

at the end of the day, our daily routine, our daily schedule is up to us! our habits are the reason we aren’t doing better. we decide how much time we spend in front of the tv. we decide if our body is worthy enough of a few minutes of exercise or good sleep. we decide that! if you are making the wrong decisions, it’s up to you to revert that, you are in full control. and that’s good news! ⭐

i would love you to have a drive and motivation that reach way beyond your academic life, that reach your whole life! because that will make you very happy and very accomplished. it is your actions that dictate your success, but only your thoughts about yourself can truly bring you the motivation and the happiness that will, in turn, give you a successful life.

✨🍃 so, i urge you to take time today to reflect on why you might have this wall built around you and try to bring it down, by recognizing your self-worth, your importance, your strength. to take time to reflect on why it is important for you to have good grades, to find success.

to take a few minutes to build a schedule for your day, to steer away from distractions, and reflect on what thoughts don’t help you and what thoughts do and will motivate you start implementing small changes in your lifestyle!!

maybe you need to spend healthy time alone away from social media from time to time, unplug and look around, maybe you need to sleep more, exercise more, to feel more energized. all these small changes will really benefit you, so i encourage you to try them out.

and to keep working on yourself. keep going back to the why’s whenever you feel yourself going off your track, but for yourself, not for your parents, not for your teachers - for yourself. things will never be perfect to start, you have to start with what you have and slowly you will build the person you wish to be. slowly, yes, little by little, yes, softly, yes, but it has to start now!

no matter if you’ve failed before, no matter if you’ll fail again, no matter what it is you are exactly afraid of, i guarantee you, there is nothing simpler and more beautiful than start listening to what you want, to what you have to say. you know the answers, you know what you have to do, so listen and start taking action! it’s imperative that you start taking yourself seriously, that you start acting like you know what you want for yourself. because you do!

🌹 it’s ok to be assertive, to be confident in yourself, to display the hard work, to let yourself know you are trying and being vulnerable to failure, but progressing! always progressing!

i will leave you with the thought that change will happen forever if you are open to it. it takes time to grow, but you’re doing it right now, and you will continue to do it so much so that one day you will look back and see how much you’ve accomplished, as long as you are open and believe in/ are ready for change! 

i hope this helped even a little bit.? 💓 i love you, please know you are not alone in your feelings. so many people can relate to your insecurities, to your doubts about your work and the future. let’s focus on our growth, on our happiness, and from the inside out we will show it! all change starts from within!

KEEP FIGHTING we are all here with you trying too! 💌🙌 lots of love your way 🍃💕

[goodomensseason2]

Algumas notas sobre a tradução de Good Omens/ Some notes about the Good Omens' translation

Agora que eu terminei de ler o livro, queria comentar algumas coisas aqui sobre tradução para o português brasileiro, do meu ponto de vista como leitora.

Good Omens foi lançado aqui em pelos menos duas ou três edições, com o título de Belas Maldições, que se traduzido de novo, ficaria Beautiful Curses, o que eu acho um pouco engraçado porque a história não tem nada a ver com maldições 😅, mas enfim... Na minha opinião "Bons Presságios" teria sido uma melhor tradução, e me parece que em Portugal seja esse o sentido de Bons Augúrios, que foi o título que saiu pra eles (Se alguém puder confirmar isso, eu agradeço).

Na "Dramatis Personae" a gente pode ver as descrições dos personagens principais e secundários. Eu acho interessante o modo como traduziram aquela famosa linha sobre o Crowley: “An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards” aqui ficou como "Um Anjo que mais Perambulou Distraído na Descendente do que Caiu", o que eu achei uma tradução bem feita, porque preserva o sentido original da frase e não fica tão datado por gírias. Não sei se eu realmente li ou vi isso em algum lugar, mas eu acho que o Crowley na versão dublada da série chegava a dizer que ele "Não caiu, que ele só deu um rolê lá embaixo"? Provavelmente eu imaginei isso, mas enfim🤣, gírias são interessantes de serem usadas, mas dependendo tiram a atemporalidade de uma obra de uma forma que quem lesse ou assistisse no futuro ficaria até sem entender uma gíria que não faz mais parte do cotidiano. Algo parecido com o que aconteceu com Evangelion agora, se alguém me entende (sem tempo, irmão) 😂.

Se eu tiver dito alguma bobagem, por favor, pode me esclarecer nos comentários 😉, quero conhecer mais fãs de Good Omens falantes de português!😁

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\\~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Now that I've finished the book, I would like to comment on some things here about the translation of GO to Brazilian Portuguese, from my point of view as a reader.

Good Omens was released here in at least two or three editions, with the title of Belas Maldições, which means Beautiful Curses, and I find it a bit funny because the story has nothing to do with curses 😅, but ok ...

In my opinion "Bons Presságio" would have been a better translation, and it seems to me that in Portugal this is the meaning of Bons Augúrios, which was the title that came out for them (If anyone can confirm this, I'd appreciate it).

In the "Dramatis Personae" we can see the descriptions of the main and minor characters. I find it interesting how they translated that famous Crowley line: "An Angel who did not so much Fall as Saunter Vaguely Downwards" here was like "An Angel Who Wandered More Distracted in the Descendant than Fell," which I found a well done translation, because it preserves the original meaning of the sentence and is not dated by slang. I don't know if I actually read or saw it somewhere, but I think Crowley in the dubbed version of the series said that he "didn't fall, he just hung out down there"? Probably I imagined it🤣, anyway, slangs are interesting to use, but it depends on the context and timelessness of a work, so anyone who reads or watches it in the future wouldn't get confused by a slang that is no longer part of everyday life. Something similar to what happened to Evangelion in the translation, if anyone understands me (here I made a reference to a famous brazilian meme which was used in the dubbed version, "Sem tempo, irmão". It means "got no time, bro". I just think if some years in future , somebody will still grasp at the reference behind it) 😂.

Sorry for my grammar, I'm not fluent in english, so if I wrote something stupid, please tell me in the comments or message 😉

[theropegeek]

Ok hi again. What would certify me that they wouldn't see any satisfaction in knowing I've been sexually abused? They find rape funny or hot when in play scenarios and they accept to play such scenarios, so why would their logic be magically different when it comes to actual assault, and abused people? Also 50% of humanity is… super depressing. If that means that when I meet someone, there's 50% chances they're into rape stuff… I think this world is getting way too scary for me.

for comparison, let's think about a pretty common fantasy:  teacher/student.her (on her knees in front of me wearing a schoolgirl outfit):  but professor if i don't get an A i'll lose my scholarship!  i'll do *anything* me:  well, i have an idea.... her:  ***opens mouth***me:  😉i like to think we can all agree that's reasonably hot--or at least, fairly harmless.unfortunately, the reality of that situation is actually pretty fucked up.imagine a beautiful young woman born in an economically depressed West Virginia mining town who spends her youth dreaming of Escape.  her family is poor, but she works hard and manages to make it to college on a scholarship.but then there's a class where she finds the work overwhelming, and eventually she gets a poor grade that threatens her entire future. faced with the prospect of admitting failure and letting her dreams die, she goes to her professor and begs for leniency on a grade. he creepily offers to do so--in exchange for oral sex.  he's old and ugly and sort of smells  like stale potato chips, but she sees no other way out, and in an act of desperation, she does it.  the whole incident is traumatizing for her.  afterwards, he winks at her in class, and she can barely surpress the urge to vomit.  she develops ptsd and starts having nightmares.  that's much more realistic, but i feel pretty confident in stating that virtually nobody with a teacher/student fantasy is wacking off to scenario #2, and likewise, pretty much none of the 50% of people who have rape fantasies are getting off on the idea of what happens to actual victims of assault.the beauty of fantasy is that we're free to imagine a romanticized, wholly unrealistic version of things that can be almost  unspeakably awful. whether you're picturing a boss and secretary, babysitter and dad, cops and robbers, or *whatever,* most of our fantasies involve sexualizing certain elements of a fucked up power dynamic. for some people it can go all the way up to fantasies of kidnapping, assault and rape, and the medical science available suggests that's both healthy and (relatively) common.  when acted out safely among consenting adults who share trust, they have the potential to strengthen both those relationships and the people in them.there's literally no connection to the horrifying realities of situations that Actually Happen. my willingness to indulge in a fantasy-version of a scenario doesn't mean i condone real-life abuse, nor lessens my sympathy for real-world survivors.i'd go further and suggest that virtually *nobody* would find what happened to you sexy or humorous.  If they do, it's because they either lack the ability to grasp the horrifying reality of what you lived through and they're imagining some sort of romanticized version of it, or else they're a fucking sociopath with no empathy at all.as far as "certifying" whether a given person is a full-blown sociopath--sorry, can't help ya. recent events in my life suggest that i'm actually *worse* than average at determining  whether those i love are lying about really fundamental shit.  i'm pretty sure the only option is to attempt an educated guess and then roll the dice on certain people.  and lastly:  i'm so fucking sorry that happened to you.  =(hang in there. 

[batch83]

Well done, you!

An LSE Journey Essay

Looking deep into ourselves to find our real motivation can be hard especially when everything around us have been going by in a blur. Our true purpose, should we ever find it early, tend to get lost somewhere between making a living, paying the bills, raising kids and running a hundred different errands. Before you know it, you're well into your middle age and wondering where did the last 10 years go. It is in this age that I started to question what my endgame is.  

I was born in the North to Ilocano parents, raised in Metro Manila and educated in both private and government institutions.  I majored in Architecture but majority of my work is in another discipline.  For the past 13+ years in Singapore, I worked, and mostly enjoyed, working in Civil Engineering specifically in Geotech where we do a lot of underground works for tunnels and transport structures.  Such a badass feeling for a female to actually do this in a predominantly male field! I left the Philippines not because there was a pressing need to provide. On the contrary, I have a stable but boring job in the city. I was surprised when I got the call from a foreign headhunter that, at the prospect of new adventures and since there's nothing to lose (they paid for all the expenses anyway), I relented and went along to see where'd I'd end up. Fortunately, fate has been good. 

Being a migrant worker for most of my youth can be quite unsettling.  I have all the time in the world in a new environment full of possibilities, earning a decent disposable income and not saddled with pressing responsibilities. When you're new in a foreign land, the allure of all things shiny are very tempting. It's these times that I went on a spree, a moderate one by standard, but to an Ilocano it's a spree nonetheless.  Year in and out, I accumulated stuff that I liked and like to share with my family. But as my belongings grew and lugging them from one rental house to the next becomes harder, I thought "there must be more to gain in living here than this".  

Enter social media.

I spent numerous hours scrolling, clicking and just wasting time away but it's an upside that I saw an A-LSE sponsored seminar on one of the shared posts. At this point I'm already indoctrinated in the concept of financial management by another OFW (also an admirable Fin-Lit and Social Enterprise advocate) and seeing the A-LSE program page with all the bright faces of the students, my curiosity was piqued. What is this group that makes people come together and learn new stuff to improve themselves? The FOMO (fear of missing out) is strong and I had to join in on the fun. I finally got in a year after putting my name down on the waiting list.

 And so, the grind begins.

 The program started with self-introspection -- who are you, what makes you get up in the morning, what's your mission -- its wading at the rubbish and finding the bits that radiate sunshine. It's the equivalent of doing the Marie-Kondo in your life and removing the clutter.

As a parent, my goal is to give my child the tools and opportunities that will enable him to achieve good things in life. Not great, but good. I can only lead him to the starting line, I will leave it up to him to finish it in ways he sees fit.  Of course, to be able to do that I will need the financial capacity to provide for his primary needs but also to be there emotionally to support and guide him in his decisions. My goal is to show him the dignity in working and the joy of doing good, to impart the values I've learned from my parents, to have fun and appreciate the arts.

As a sibling, my goal to help them finish their tertiary education has been fulfilled. My siblings are now enjoying their chosen professions and has now embarked on new pursuits to ascend to the next level. Next is to help them map out their financial plans for the future -- that's a tactic to make them financially independent and not borrow money from me.

As a daughter, my goal is to see my parents enjoy the latter years of their lives and to help them come into terms that they need to step back and let their children take on the responsibilities on managing their estate.

As a person, my goal to become an instrument of change in however small way I can manage. Running for public office seems the easiest route but as I have no death wish and plan to live a longer-ish life, that's a no-go for me.

My goal is to achieve financial independence in the next decade, to establish my own enterprise, have enough to sustain my health coverage and retirement in the later years and leave a worthy legacy to my family. Lastly, I want to travel every year or every other year to places that are culturally rich and ‘gram worthy.

The 10 sessions have brought immense knowledge and insight about the core competencies of the LSE program. Journals have been written to provide a deeper insight for each session.

For Leadership, I find Tina Liamson's lecture on Migration & Principles of Leadership enlightening. The most fascinating has got to be from Dr. Juan Kanapi's Appreciative Inquiry. This is the first time I've heard of it and it's quite difficult to grasp the idea and can be easily confused with positivity. But at the end, It shows that if practiced AI is not just mind tricks but a powerful tool in realising your full potential.

The best lectures for Financial Literacy are the split sessions of Vince Rapisura and Edwin Salonga. (Edwin's lecture is about Social Entrepreneur but I remembered a lot more on his lecture about Finances, hence…) Who knew studying finance concepts could be this good? And most definitely not boring! I now have a deeper understanding about managing my finances better and learning that my current insurance is shit, which I really need to rectify soon. I can't tell you enough how the things I've learned from these wonder duos are gold. Call me by any other name (read: biased), but Ed's lecture is my most favourite of the lot.

The Social Entrepreneurship sessions have the most gravitas for these lectures carry the main core of the program. They're not all boring, mind you, but can be a bit challenging. The lectures on this series provided many useful tips for future entrepreneurial endeavors and is a big help in formulating our business plan. Other insights for the SE series can be read here and here.

At every journal writing, I try to reflect on what I've learned and think of ways to apply them in my daily life.  Most often I find things and events that need to be tweaked or heavily redesigned in order for it to be aligned with my future goals. Most pressing of these are the consolidation of my assets and liabilities, and making a clear plan on mapping out my finances that will include my son's future education.  The next point is to work on myself and how I carry myself as a leader starting at home. What better place to practice than to apply these learning in the household first? Hopefully, I will be able to improve my inability to forge meaningful connections to people by the time I have to build my own enterprise. I am not aspiring to be Miss Friendship, I'm ok with Miss Effective Boss or even Miss Influencer-For-The-Greater-Good. Tall order, I know, but we're allowed to dream and dreaming is free.

Joining the program made me realise the answer to my question, "So what happens now?" 

During my first few years as a migrant worker, my goal is to save so I can buy gadgets to connect me home. After having a mobile phone, a laptop and the ability to call home any time, ano na? As I enter my 14th year of being a migrant, I've somewhat been able to achieve the things I hoped for. Not the millions of dollars in bank account **fingers crossed**, but a comfortable life. But that restlessness persists. Learning that there are available avenues to pursue these in the Philippines is a big help in making me step into the right direction closer to the things I wanted to become. Programs like these give hope.  With that, I realise that there is more I can do back home than where I am currently at. I have the knowledge; I can share it -- starting with a small group of like-minded people who are willing to help themselves. Acquiring and sharing knowledge is free so I may as well start with that. 

All the sessions have been audio recorded and kept in a cloud that I shared with family members. Many of the things Dr. Kanapi said are the things I so want to say to my father. Sharing it is just a click away, let him hear it straight from the board-certified horse's mouth.  

I also plan to lead the residents in our small sitio towards a better understanding of financial management which can be instrumental in their livelihood. These people have been known in the family for decades. They have worked alongside our grandparents in tilling the land and their children continues to do so. While there have been advancements in their lives, I believe there is more to be done -- better education for their children/grandchildren, opening bank accounts, accessing government programs, using tech etc. I am excited to share with them the different concepts we have learned in the program, and also a good training ground for me to improve my leadership skills.

I highly commend the A-LSE program for striving to make the Filipino Migrant Workers' quest for relevancy and better lives. Much appreciation to A-LSE founding Team and the current secretariat who makes it run smoothly. The past month has been very trying but everyone has been great in providing feedback and extending their hands.  For that, a big Salute! to everyone -- for the team and the speakers who traverse the globe every year. 

As a program alumnus, I will most definitely uphold the values of the LSE in the best way that I possibly can. Sadly, my physical involvement with the LSE will not extend to the volunteer work for the next batch as  I have made plans for the next year that will make it impossible to fulfill my duties on the site . However, I am willing to extend my skill/expertise in whatever way I can as long as it is done remotely. 

Thank you, A-LSE.

Congratulations, Batch 83!

2019 will be remembered as the year I turned another leaf over.

[king893]

Things are getting tougher

Ok so I know I don't tend to post very often on here and I don't interact with anyone on here so in all likelihood this won't really reach anyone but honestly I just feel the need to vent.

So I've been unemployed ever since my last work was bought over and the new business already had their own staff, can't really be angry that that happened, it was just a business deal, no one was looking to do any harm but still it left me without a way to support myself even though it was only part time and I was still needing to use the dole as a crutch. 3 and a half months later I'm still no further forward besides those 2 shifts I got to do at a seriously shitty bar who did everything illegally and was far too rough, scummy and made me feel so inadequate to be worth being paid less than minimum wage like they were offering. Since then I've had a few interviews, a couple for places I really liked the idea of working in, where I really felt like I would fit in and felt like I really clicked with the people interviewing me and haven't gotten any more than a copy/paste message saying "Unfortunately you have been unsuccessful on this occasion, we wish you all the best for the future."

This is starting to feel about as hopeless as when I was made unemployed a year ago and had nothing for about 5 months before a bartending course which gave me a whole new positive light to see myself in. I finally had an idea of what I want to do with my life, a career plan, something I could really enjoy and, I thought, prosper in. I was the only person on that course to not end up in a job within a couple of weeks which was already starting to undo my confidence. I finally get a bar job close to home, in a venue I liked with some really cool staff and decent customers, granted it was only part time but it was a huge step forward in what felt like a lifetime. On top of that it was a few weeks into a new me and T's relationship which is a first for me in years so everything just really started to be looking up.

So, losing that job wasn't the worst thing that could have happened to me because I have experience now, there are a ton of bars in Dundee, I'll get something again in no time. T has been telling me ever since it happened that something will come up soon, I've just been a bit unlucky but a quarter of a year later and a load of interviews which led to nothing later, it's just starting to feel more and more hopeless.

I'm just felling far more like I'm only ok, in everyone's eyes, some people might think I seem nice or whatever but nothing much more to me and I really don't see how I can convince people otherwise, which isn't helped by the fact I'm never being told what I'm doing wrong.

Because of all of this shit my parents seem to be convinced that I would be better moving back in with them, especially since T moved back to her mum's so I have one major thing less to hold onto in Dundee. what they don't seem to grasp is how little there is in terms of opportunity or hope of a future in that part of Fife, it's just a place that time forgot where nothing new happens and old people just want things to still be the 60's. That and of course, in case I was being a bit too subtle, I hate the place. I love the family and friends I left behind there but were it not for them I would never set foot there again, and I'd be thrilled to see it taken completely off the map and I just can't face the thought of putting myself back there with no financial safety net to help pull me back out quickly and I've sworn to myself I will not be one of the people who gets old and dies in that shit hole. And yet I'm running out of any ideas at all to keep that from happening. My savings are gone, I'm running out of places to apply to, I need money to get my hair dyed again because it's getting to the point where I can't make myself presentable anymore, I owe T, my dad and my flatmate money, I'm getting more and more out of shape, I have things I need to save for, I need to find someone to move in when my current flatmate moves out in a few months, I need some way to get my life together. And I don't have the money to make it happen, I don't have any prospect for a job to move things forward, I don't have the confidence in myself to make any of it happen, I don't have any motivation left and I just can't see any way at all to move forward.