#ok i have an ok grasp of what happens in the future because i've been watching people watch this for a while but i won't comment on | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

wheresmymilliondollarman · 2 years ago

Note

Hiii! I've discovered your account recently and you can definitely count me as one of your fans! Also I've never saw someone write for book bfs before so that's cool of you to do it ! I really don't know if you take requests but if u don't it's ok! but if you do can I have an Kenjix reader where she's a trained spy with no powers and Aaron send her on a mission with Kenji where she hates him at first but then she gets to know him and fall for him ? (Maybe w/o spoilers for books after ignite me)

how you get the girl

kenji kishimoto x fem!reader

you were never fond of the newest recruit, but after being assigned on a mission with him, your perspective might just change.

a/n: ty for the request!! been wanting to write for kenji, but struggled with a concept, so this is a great idea !! this is more an au thing, not based on a certain timeline in the series, so it should be spoiler free !! there also a hunger games reference in this bc i can't help myself. extra note: thank you for being so patient i had to go on n unexpected hiatus because i got sick then a bunch of stuff in my life is happening right now, so it was hard to write. but i have finally have time again somewhat and i want to get inspo to write <3

word count: 6.8k

warnings: really bad corny pick-up lines, kinda bad description of action LOL, mentions of injuries and blood, take a shot every time reader rolls her eyes

your home lied within the reestablishment for as long as you could remember. your father had stood behind the idea since it first became conceived.

before the reestablishment came along, your family lived in the trenches of poverty. living in a one-bedroom apartment in the unsafest part of the city. most lived the same since the world was slowly deteriorating — counties went hungry, climate change affected natural resources, and the grasp of government control slipped away. it seemed like the end of the world for some, but you were too young to say for sure.

your mother came down with an illness when you were around three. it was unsure of what it was, but it damaged her greatly and fatally. your father attempted to gather the money to see a doctor, pawning items, stealing money, and even asking the government for assistance, but it all became futile. your mother ended up passing a few months later.

your father’s grief and rage at society drove him toward the direction of the reestablishment. they had already been around quite some time, but no one ever took it seriously - another political group with empty promises, they called it. but your father had faith in their potential, he had to, now that he wanted to ensure a better future for yourself. so, he offered his undying loyalty to the group, and they took an interest in that and offered him a low level job.

within years, he worked his way up in power, helped enhance the reestablishment’s control over the world, and soon they were the sole government. many resisted, but the majority resided their fate to them because how much worse could the world get?

overtime, the distant memories of the old world faded and were forgotten by many, including yourself. all you knew and lived was reestablishment life. books, movies, devices, or anything pertaining to before reestablishment life was discarded. you were too young to even remember most of those things. so, unlike others, you never felt like you missed out on anything.

you were trained to be a soldier since practically diapers. the rebellion against the reestablishment was prominent during its early years, so your father ensured you could defend yourself properly if the worse were to come. with your agility and stealth, you were recruited to be a spy for them, infiltrating other bases and spying on the rebellion.

your father now works closely with supreme commander anderson at the capital, but you’ve designated yourself to sector 45, along with warner. he recognized your talent the moment he met you and employed you to his sector. that was how it became your current home.

your father was more than thrilled you impressed the commander’s son, telling you it was important to have their favor. ever since, he’d push the idea of you two, repeating that if you played your cards right, you could become the future supreme commander’s wife.

you felt nauseous at the idea. you would never want to be a second in command helping run a country, much less marry the person who does.

“hey! warner’s calling you into his office.” a voice called out to you.

you snapped out of your daydream, remembering your current location. you stood in the training room, gloves on, practicing your punches onto one of the many punching bags. you tended to zone as as you got more into your workout.

you turned around to face the soldier who had come in for the purpose of recalling a message, “thank you, tell him i will be there immediately.” he gave a curt nod and headed out.

you sighed, you were sure you were about to be sent on another mission to gather data. and normally, you would’ve been up for it, dying to put your skills to use. but lately, it seems the passion has disappeared. it was getting too repetitive for your liking, and you feared the rest of your life would play out the same.

you gathered your belongings, stuffing your water bottle and gloves back into your gym bag, and replaced your sweaty black shirt with a plain gray one.

you procrastinated as much as possible on the way to warner’s office. you are in no rush to head back out into the field or hear warners endless instructions on the mission. for once, you envied the low ranked soldiers. warner never expected much of them, so they were often overlooked and free to do as (possibly) pleased. you were expected to be no less than perfect.

you took a deep breath before knocking on the office door. once warner granted permission, you entered the room, and the first thing you noticed was another person was already there — one you recognized to be one of warner's many men, kenji kishimoto.

‘this is already off to a bad start,’ you told yourself. kenji was fairly new to the unit, joining a bit over a year ago. you never saw him much because of how busy you are, but due to his poor performance, warner had assigned you to train him for a week.

it hadn’t been your first time training a soldier, so you were prepared to follow a routine and help him get the hang of basics. but you quickly learned kenji was going to be a pain in your ass.

first, he was half an hour late to your training, wasting time you could’ve used for your own personal agenda. then, when he showed up, he acted nonchalantly about it. you decided to brush it off and just get the training over with than argue and waste more time. but as training commenced, he started acting condescending towards you. asking if you were sure what you were doing and whether you were the most qualified person to be instructing him. again, you ignored him and remained professional — trying your best to just finish off the lesson without any hassle.

the final straw for you came when you asked him to throw a punch to examine his form and offer critiques. to this responded, “are you sure about that? wouldn’t want to hurt you, sweetheart.” he said haughtily. you just about had it by then.

in a quick movement, you threw a punch to his face, twisted his arm, and flipped him onto the mats. “sorry, did i hurt you sweetheart?” you asked in a condescendingly sweet tone. all kenji does is groan in response.

after, you just stormed off and informed warner he would no longer be in charge of his training. you offered him no explanation and simply walked out of his office. if you hadn’t been so upset, you would’ve slapped yourself for being so careless in front of the commander's son. but fortunate to you, warner had no objections and simply tasked someone else to teach kenji.

however, that wasn’t even the end of your meeting. despite you bruising his face, kenji started to follow you like a puppy. you suddenly would run into him at least once a day. you swore he had to be somehow following you, and pretending it was a coincidence the two of you ran into each other. despite your expertise in the art of spying, you were never able to catch him in the act. you could sometimes feel a pair of eyes on you, but when you turned around, there was no one there.

you told him many times to leave you alone, but that only seemed to intrigue him more. he went from condescending to flirting with you. you weren’t sure which one was worse. you were starting to think the latter because of his awful pickup lines.

“do you have a name, or can i just call you mine?”

“oh god, i’m gonna throw up.”

“i’m going for a walk, would you mind holding my hand?”

“if you get your hand near me, it’s getting cut off.”

“i love it when you talk dirty to me.”

“do you travel through time? because i’ve pictured you in my future.”

“you’re not going to have a future, if you utter another word.”

“let me be the flynn rider to your rapunzel.”

“one, shut up. two, who are they?”

“what! you don’t know the amazing film that is tangled?”

“never mind, forget, i asked..”

no matter your reply, he never seems to get the hint. no, scratch that, he definitely got the hint he just simply did not care. this guy could be hit with a tank, and you were convinced he’d still have some stupid line to say to you.

back to your current predicament, you were unsure why warner would call for kenji as well. you were hoping they were just finishing up a conversation, and you happened to be a bit early. which you kinda doubted because you had taken as long as you possibly could to get to this room.

you walked up to warner’s desk, “you called for me sir?” you questioned. the sooner you got your task, the sooner you can get away from the man next to you.

kenji turns his attention toward you, unfortunately for you, “hey gorgeous, funny seeing you around here.” he says with a stupid smirk accompanying.

“not really.” you spoke bluntly.

before he can speak any more, dumb words, warner clears his throat indicating he is about to speak. “yes i did, and as you can see, i also called kishimoto here because I wanted to speak to the both of you.”

oh no. you weren’t liking where this was going so far, especially since this is an issue needing both of your presence in the room. you prayed he wasn’t about to assign you to train with kenji again. you lucked out last time, but there is no way you would be able to again decline in a way that wouldn’t defy warner. you remained stoic and nod to his words, waiting in suspense for his instructions.

“oh please go on, i’m intrigued.” kenji inquires. warner pays no mind him, nice to see you’re not the only one who does that.

“the reason for that is, i am in need of both of you for a mission in favor of the reestablishment.” he explains, folding his hands together neatly on his wooden desk.

technically, your prayer was granted; you didn’t need to train kenji. no, instead you had to go & work with him on a mission. ‘that’s why they say be careful what you wish for.’

you couldn’t protest and say absolutely not, or you just look like a child throwing a tantrum. it took a good portion of your self-control to keep that apathetic look on your face. but even then, your left eye reflexively twitched in irritation.

“no disrespect to your order sir, but why is kishimoto needed? i can handle myself quite well if you didn’t already know.” you try to reason.

“are you that nervous to be with me?” kenji interrupts smugly. you can’t help but stomp on his foot, even if it is a bit childish, your face neutral, not even sparring a look his way.

kenji yelps in pain, but still remarks, “nice to see your love language has switched from verbal threats to physical violence.”

warner, unbothered by your actions, replies, “i’m well aware of your capabilities l/n. but this task is a bit more dire than your usual requests. i’d prefer if you had a helping hand. plus, kishimoto still needs practice in the field and there’s no better example to follow than you.”

“thank you sir, for the compliment, but-“

“is that an objection to an order, l/n?” warner challenged you, raising a brow. you knew that was the end of it. as much as you didn’t like kenji, it wasn’t an issue worth being on warner’s bad side for.

“no,” you stated defensively, “of course not, sir, i am ready to serve the reestablishment as needed,” you restate your loyalty, but these days it felt like empty words.

“i, for one, have no issue with this request sir. i’m more than willingly to go along with y/n on this secret mission.” kenji proclaims with a gleeful smile.

“great, because the both of you will be departing tomorrow morning.” warner informed, leaning back into his seat. “that will be all,” he dismissed with a wave of a hand.

kenji and you both respectively nodded and turned your backs to walk away and exit his office. once you’re in the hall, your cool demeanor vanquishes and is replaced with a distasteful look. you simply couldn’t believe this was happening. you got partnered with the guy who you heard already had 19 demerits. surely, the world was punishing you.

opposite to you, kenji stood there with a sneaky smile, obviously enjoying how today’s events played out. it only annoyed you further.

“well, well, well,” he begins, “i guess we’ll be spending quite a bit of time with each other. you never know how long these missions take perhaps will be stuck teach with each other for a whole month. wouldn’t that just be exciting?” kenji teases, draping an arm over your tense shoulders.

you rolled your eyes and roughly pushed his arm off of you, “this operation is solely for professional purposes, kishimoto. we’ll be in and out then come back and relay information. then i go back to ignoring you.” you don’t bother to wait for a reply and start the walk to your living, quarters to prepare for your departure.

“i’ll grow on you eventually y/n!” he hollers at you as you venture further down the hall.

you dreaded the events to come the moment you opened your eyes to woke up.

a part of you had hoped your talk with warner yesterday had been a nightmare, but as soon as you saw your packed bag on your dresser, you knew it was your reality.

you hopped in the shower for a quick wash, braided your hair, and suited up in all black attire. you slip your bag over your shoulder and reluctantly walk out your room. from there, you made your way to the weaponry.

at the weaponry, you didn’t see kenji’s face; you had hope there was still a possibility he would not end up going along with you, and he would either be replaced, or you be left to your own devices. you started supplying weapons into your bags and filling the holsters strapped on your body.

“can’t believe you already started without me, angel.” you hear a voice announce from behind you.

you groaned, apparently, it was too much to ask to wish him away. he reminded you of a small insect that just refused to die no matter how many times you stepped on it with your foot.

he doesn’t miss a beat, moving to the spot next to you, “don’t sound too excited, or else i’d start to think you like me,” kenji playfully remarks.

you scoff, “only in your wildest dreams.”

“right you are.” you grimace at his reply.

“can you just hurry up? the sooner we set off the better.” you urge him.

he doesn’t deter from his smugness at your fierce attitude, “if you were so eager to be alone with me, you should’ve just told me, would’ve saved us a lot of trouble.”

you groaned, already sick of being around him. how were you supposed to do this for a day, or even more? “you have five minutes or swear to god i’m leaving without you.” you promised on your way out.

you made good of your word, and waited by the plane for approximately five minutes (you even counted down the seconds in your head). warner assigned a plane for the both of you, with its own pilot, to take you to your destination.

you wait until the last second before you board the small plane to inform the pilot to prepare for take off. not even a minute later, you hear the movement of footsteps rushing towards the vehicle. you try to conceal your look of disappointment when you see it, kenji coming toward you.

you step down the plane to coldly greet him, “you’re lucky you made it, i was prepared to about to leave without you,” you tell kenji seriously. “i suppose i can always just push you off the plane one we take off to rid of you,” you nonchalantly suggest.

he just laughs in response, thinking there’s no way you would actually take off without him, his laughter silences down when you offer no humor in your tone, nor your face. “you are just kidding right?”

you remain silent, and turn your back to board the plane.

“..right?” he calls at you, a hint of worry in his tone. the corner of your lip tugs up in amusement as you walk off.

“wow, this spy stuff is quite boring.” kenji complains aloud. “how are you ever entertained doing this on your own? thank goodness you have me around now. perhaps we can even be some sort of duo, we can even have a cool name - the terrific two? nah. the dangerous duo? eh. oh wait, i’ve got it! mr. and mrs. smith-“

“will you shut up!” you turn your head away to snap at him. you were ready to lose your mind with his absurd commentary for the past hour.

the two of you stationed yourselves on top of a tall building’s rooftop hiding from plain view & your target’s sight. your current target was a supreme commander of another country, one that had indirectly expressed his indifference toward warner, but remained loyal to reestablishment principles. warner believes it’s possible he may have a hidden agenda concerning the reestablishment, and just to be sure, he tasked you to report his activity.

your mission wasn’t anything complicated, the majority of it consisted of keeping vigilant watch and reporting anything of utter importance. the two of you used your binoculars to spy on the commander and his men from above. but you understood why warner had wanted someone to accompany you. there were almost 3 times as many men than what you were used to on your operations. but you weren’t going to admit this to the person next to you.

kenji nods, “you’re right we should skip the mindless comments and instead get to know each other. after all, i’d be real awkward if i didn’t even know fun facts about my future girlfriend,” he makes a hand gesture toward you at the end of his words.

“first off, never going to be your girlfriend. second, this isn’t a date; we’re on a stakeout collecting information.” you reiterate.

“come on,” kenji complains, “these guys have done nothing for the past 2 hours. the only criminal thing that is worth mentioning is that the commander does not pull off purple .”

you scoffed, annoyed, but you couldn’t say he was completely lying. it has been kind of a slow night. the commander stood by his post, watching the soldiers pack shipments meant for other countries & sectors, including sector 45. whenever the supreme commander would leave, either kenji or you would tail him, but it was also a dead end. he either needed to use the bathroom or go to his office to retrieve something. a part of you was starting to wonder why warner would think of this man as suspicious when he seemed as bland as the color beige. it was quite offensive to your spy expertise to be sent on such a mundane mission.

you sigh in defeat, “fine,” you turn to face kenji, “if it gets you to shut up. what do you wanna know?”

kenji places his hand over his chest, making a face of disbelief. “wow, i’ve finally done it, i’ve cracked you. it’s only a matter of time now before you actually start enjoying my presence like most of the female population.”

“i’m this close to pushing you off the ledge right now.” you exclaim, pinching your index and thumb very close as a demonstration.

“well, if we’re gonna be working together,”

he starts, ignoring your threat, “we’ve got to learn more about eachother - you know ,like the deep stuff.”

“the deep stuff?” you repeat suspiciously.

“yeah, like, what’s your favorite color?”

you turn away dramatically, “well, now you’ve just crossed the line,” you say in a light tone.

he shakes his head, “seriously, what’s your favorite color?”

“hm,” you ponder on it for a second before answering, “i like yellow.”

“yellow?” he repeats, unsure of whether to believe you. “you’re telling me, the spy who is always seen in all black’s favorite color is yellow?” he speaks as if the concept is foreign to him.

you roll your eyes for the millionth time tonight, “i wear all black because i’m working, not by personal choice. my wardrobe is actually full of colorful choices.” you admit.

kenji smirks, “so, what color are you wearing underne-“

“anyway,” your speak over him, cutting him off. “what’s your favorite color?” you ask to change focus.

“purple. and not like the purple that supreme commander looks horrendous in,” you hold back a smile at the insult, “more like the shade of purple rapunzel’s dress is.”

you tilt your head, “who’s rapunzel, is she a friend of yours?”

his eyes narrow at you, “a friend of min- she’s only one of the greatest heroines in the disney film history!” he exclaims.

“what about your knee?”

“you can’t be serious-“

that was when you heard it, voices speaking in rushed and commanding tones, getting louder and louder to the point you were able to make out the words without your listening equipment. you recognized one of them - the supreme commander.

“shoot them!” he shouted at the soldiers.

you’d been spotted. and now they were going to start firing.

“kenji get down!”

“what-“

you didn’t wait for him to understand and instinctively jumped onto kenji’s body to bring him down to the ground and avoid him from getting shot.

due to your heroic act, you were unfortunately caught by a bullet and shot in your left arm. you’ve been shot before, but it didn’t suck any less. luckily, the adrenaline coursing through you helped subdue the pain for now, but you know it’s only a matter of time before you were withering in discomfort.

“shit!” kenji cursed in reaction to the many gunshots shooting at you both. you both are currently protected by the small four feet ledge from the building you were grounded on.

“how did they even spot us?“ kenji hollers so you could him him over the flux of bullets.

“i don’t know, but there’s no time for explanations. this ledge won’t protect us for long we have to find a way out of here without being noticed.“

you had a lurking suspicion the commander was given a heads-up on the arrival of two spies. however, it wasn’t a time to investigate that.

kenji began to move from beneath you so he could somewhat sit himself up, still avoiding being hit. his movement caused you to unintentionally hiss in pain when he rubbed against your injured arm; that is when kenji took notice of your wound.

he gently grabbed it for further inspection, blood oozing from the hole of the bullet plunged into your arm. returns his gaze to you. his eyes showing worry, “you’re injured. why didn’t you say anything?” he questions you gently.

he then swiftly untucked his long sleeve shirt for machines and ripped a piece of it from the bottom. then he began to wrap it around your injury and tie it to give it pressure to lessen the bleeding.

“didn’t think there was time, you know, with hundreds of bullets coming our way.”

kenji rolls his eyes. you speak up again before he has a chance to counter, “ok, we seriously need to focus on our plan of action right now. we are way too outnumbered to strike back.”

kenjis nods and looks down in concentration of convincing a plan, and you do the same. you both could maneuver your way down towards the way you came in, but no doubt the commander's men have already begun to circle around the entire establishment. you both could sprint quick enough and jump onto the neighboring building, but it would require some climbing. and with your current left arm in bad shape, could be almost impossible for you to climb a building with one arm, no matter the skill acquired in your training.

do you have to make a decision quick, so you went with the most logical one. “kenji,” you call his attention, and he looks up from his spot, “i have a plan. but..you’re going to have to go without me.”

kenji’s face shifted from concern to confusion. “i don’t understand..”

you briefly explained the small plan you concocted, “with my with my injury , it’s clear i can’t do it. so, it’s better that you go on and-“

kenji doesn’t let you finish. “no. no. that’s not an option.” he protests.

“you have t-“

his hand is covering your mouth in a second, “it’s out of the question. don’t go saying that stupid shit again, got it?“ he sternly tells you, looking you in the eye intensely.

you’ve never had someone be so adamant about leaving you behind. if it had been anyone else with you, they would’ve up and left the moment you suggested it. a warm feeling tingled in your stomach at the thought to kenji caring about you so much.

you’re quite stunned at his assertiveness, so you nod quietly - which is highly out of character for you.

once he knows you understand, he removes his hand from your face, sighing as he does so. “i have a way for us to get out of here unnoticed and safely,” kenji admits. you pique up, intrigued by how he has a better solution, and motion for him to continue. “but you’re really going to have to trust me for this to work, ok?” he says more like a statement than a question.

“ok.” you agree.

while you may not have known kenji too long or even liked him much before tonight, he wasn’t incompetent, mostly, you had enough faith in him to believe he wouldn’t intentionally put you both in harm's way.

kenji takes a deep breath in, and you can tell to ease his nerves. it bubbles up your curiosity more. it must be something quite grand for him to be nervous to do. but then again, it had to be something quite out of the box if it weren’t a plan you could’ve conceived.

“i’m going to grab your hand, and then i’m gonna need you to do your best to not freak out.” kenji instructs carefully to you.

now you were getting anxious; what could possibly make you freak out? generally weren’t the type to scare easily, and you’re sure kenji knew this. but you truly had no other option unless you wanted to be stranded here. the sound of gunfire served over to reminder of your limited time.

you nod in confirmation and hold out your right hand in permission for him to grab. kenji takes a second before he latches his hand into yours.

for a moment, you’re confused. nothing seems to be happening. part of you thought he was going to continue with your plan, but forcibly drag you along with him. you turn your attention toward the other side to check if you were supposed to see something. but again, saw nothing of significance.

you begin to scowl, “kenji is this a joke-“

but when you turn to see kenji, no one is there. right away, you assume he left you and did everything prior as some twisted joke. you were ready to get angry, but then you felt the pressure on your palm. you were still holding his hand.

you looked around again and saw no sign of kenji besides his hand in yours. your confusion was deepening at this point, and you were beginning to think you passed out after being shot and were currently dreaming. you looked down at your interlocked hands, but you didn’t see your hands either. your eyes then moved over to your own body, but again - nothing.

you gasp, “what the hell?”

you instantly panic, not understanding what is happening. you move your body in the hope it would make it visible again, but failed. you try to free your hand from kenji’s, but he firmly keeps it gripped.

“hey, it’s alright, i’m here. calm down.” you hear kenji finally speak from next to you. you feel his thumb rub over the top of your hand in an attempt to soothe you.

you ignore him and attempt to make a list of possible nonsense that would explain the situation. “are we dead?”

“no! just invisible.” he states calmly as if the whole situation were normal. he stands up, forcing you to do the same. he begins to build up a run toward the side of the building. you can’t see either of your bodies, so you do your best to keep up without tripping.

“invisible?” you repeat, “how are we invisible?” it sounded ridiculous saying it aloud, but it was the only “reasonable” explanation for what was happening.

“uh, let’s just say i have a certain skill set.” he says in a rushed tone. you couldn’t tell if it was because he wanted to avoid answering or focus on the task at hand. maybe both.

“that doesn’t explain anything!” you say, waving your other arm around, although you both are unable to see it.

now having reached the side of the building you entered from, you see the ladder that led you both up. kenji wastes no time on stepping down first. you can’t see his movement but can feel yourself being tugged and the sound of his boots hitting the metal.

you follow, continuing to hold his hand as he leads you both down the ladder of the building. “as you mentioned over and over before, there’s no time for explanations. you just focus on getting down this ladder.”

you did as he said (for once) and continued stepping down, with one hand on the rail, in silence. for once in your life, you were speechless.

you both successfully evaded the commander and his soldiers. the invisibility had proven to be true because you walked past them like it was nothing, as they still shot to where they assumed the two of you were still positioned.

there were no words exchanged on the way back to the plane. kenji took the initiative to inform the pilot of your coordinates, so the two of you could be picked up. you felt foolish for being so unprofessional, but you finally evading the danger, your state of shock was brought back.

when the plane finally landed down, kenji had finally returned both of your visible states and then released your hand. you could feel the sweat on it from holding on so long, but you were still reeling in from events to notice or care.

both of you moved to board the plane.

if you hadn’t faced some blood loss and felt incredible fatigue, you would’ve hounded kenji for answers on your way back to sector 47. but as soon as you sat down on a seat, you were out like a light.

the next time you open your eyes, all you could see was white. the ceiling lights temporarily blinded you, making it hard to see your surroundings at first.

you groaned from disorientation and the blinding light. you turn to the sense of touch and understand you are lying on a bed. your vision settled, and you were able to vaguely recognize your surrounding. the long windows, medical supplies, other white-sheeted beds neighboring, faint smell of disinfectant — you were in the medical wing in sector 45.

you knew it was the infirmary from your sector because of the large indentation on the wall from a mishap of yours a few years prior, one of the few times you actually went to a trained nurse instead of mending to yourself. long story short, the nurses really should have de-weaponized you before attempting to wake you up after you’d passed out.

now knowing you were in a dangerous environment, you slowly began to sit up. you used one hand to stable yourself since the other was put into a cast. the aching you were trying to put off the whole mission came in full force.

you looked down at your attire; your first layers of clothes covered in grime and blood were removed. now you were only left in your black shorts and tank top.

not even a moment later, you hear the sounding of the your door opening.

“well finally you’re awake!” a voice says, “thought i’d need to wake you up with true love’s kiss.”

kenji walks up to your bedside, his sly smile never faltering until he takes a glance at your injured arm.

he peers down at your face. he takes a hand and moves a strand of hair behind your ear. your stomach warms at the feeling of his faint touch on the side of your face.

“i thought i’d lost you for a second there, sleeping beauty.” kenji says in a gentle tone.

another reference of his you didn’t understand, but you chose to focus on his other words instead.

you tilt your sore neck, which you regret, in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“you were asleep the whole flight, and when we landed, i tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t stir. i knew something was wrong. my assumption was proven correct because when i examined your arm, your blood loss was almost severe. after that, i just rushed to get here.” kenji explains, his tone a bit somber. you fight the urge to hold his hold and comfort him, then chide yourself for thinking so something so intimate involving kenji.

guess you probably should’ve checked your arm when you boarded the plane. somehow, your bloody arm had gone from the first to the last thing on your mind during the operation.

“and now your facing my dashingly handsome face.” he cockily adds in.

there it is. you don’t even snarkily counter back. for once, you just smile in response. you give in to your urges and grab onto his hand, giving it a soft squeeze, “thank you kenji. seriously, i know we started on the wrong foot, but i’m very grateful to you.” you say sincerely.

kenji squeezes your hand in return, “to be fair, you’re the one who’s made your distaste toward me very clear while all i did was confess my undying love to you.” he corrects with a pout. he places a hand over his heart in fake pain.

your mouth gapes, “what? you’re the one who not only showed up late, but acted like a total douche the first time we met.”

kenji laughs at this sheepishly, “yeah, about that..” he goes to rubs his hand on the side of his neck.

“what?” you question. “don’t leave me hanging.”

kenji laughs, “that first meeting, i wasn’t actually late.” he starts.

you shake your head, “yes you were. i waited there for almost half an hour.”

“i was there fifteen minutes early, waiting by the door. but then i saw you walk past me, not even sparing a glance, and go into the training room.” kenji confesses.

“then why were you so late?” you interrupt impatiently. you don’t remember seeing him there at all, and if he had been there, why didn’t he just go in straight after you instead of wasting your time.

“i’m getting there, angel.” kenji taps his index finger on the tip of your nose. you swat his hand and wait for him to go on.

“after you went in, i was stunned. truly. you were the most gorgeous being i’d ever seen, and you walked around like you didn’t even know it.”

you smack his arm at his dramatic flattery, “shut up, quit playing around and get to the point.”

“am i one to lie?” he asks rhetorically.

you give him a look. “alright, maybe, but it doesn’t make what i said any less true. you are beautiful, and anyone who hasn’t told you that is an idiot.”

you scoff, turning your head away from kenji. you rather him not see the rising redness on your cheeks.

luckily kenji continues without comment, “anyway, after i got a hold of myself, i thought, ‘how was a guy supposed to walk in and face this goddess of a person supposed to be his trainer.’ he can’t, so he does the classic guy move, ‘act indifferent to make yourself seem cooler in front of a girl.”

“so you acted like an asshole….on purpose….because you wanted to be cool in front of me?” you repeat slowly, making sure you understood his stupid plan.

“ok, i get it; it's not my best moment. trust me when i say i realized my mistake as soon as you started kicking my ass like it was nothing. but it actually made me like you more and even turned me on a bit-“

“ok, i think i got it!” you weren’t one to be so easily flushed, but it was hard not to when he was so blunt about affection toward you. even if it was vulgar.

“after that horrible first meeting, i had to get you to like me.” kenji explains, “so i did my best to use my attractiveness and charming persona to seduce you. but, damn, you wouldn’t even bat an eye at my attempts. that only made me wanna do it more.”

you cross your arms over your chest, “so what, you like me because i’m pretty and a challenge for you?” you ask with an aloof tone.

“maybe at the start, but now, everything about you has me captivated. your strength and resilience. the way people undermine you, but you don’t let it stop you from proving them wrong. how to most, you’re uptight and cold, but you actually care more than you’d want to admit. i admire that you want to be the best, but not for warner, for yourself.” your eyes begin to soften at kenji as he describes you so passionately. you didn’t realize observant of you he was.

kenji continues, “hell, even your stubbornness. though, you break my heart a little every time you reject one of my very well thought out pick up lin-“

you don’t wait to hear anymore. abruptly, you sit up and yank him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to your eye level. you’re moving automatically as if in a trance, and your sturdy hand reaches the right side of his face. “shut up.” you say in a rushed whisper.

then you kiss him. you actually, willingly, lean in and collide your lips with kenji kishimoto. you like it very much too. and there is no better feeling than the way his lips on yours make your heart race and body buzz with warmth and exhilaration.

everything happened so quick, kenji was frozen in his spot for a good moment - his eyes so wide they could’ve popped out. then, he smoothly regained composure. his face relaxed, now having a giddy grin into the kiss, and slid a hand to the back of your neck, under your hair, to hold you closer.

even though the kiss was a heat-of-the-moment decision, the kiss itself wasn’t heated nor rushed. no, it was almost the exact opposite. your lips were tenderly pressed together, heads titled opposite directions so you fit together in sync.

you move your touch to his covered chest, gripping his plain fitted shirt for dear life, a way to remind yourself that this was all very real.

you’re the first to pull away; part of you already longing for his touch as you did. you felt dizzy, not in a loss of blood way, but in a weightless feeling way. you couldn’t stop the silly smile etched on your face, nor the flushed look that was likely written all over your face. you couldn’t even find yourself caring about it.

kenji’s appearance isn’t much different from yours, but his smile is crooked and screams more of satisfaction and a bit of cockiness. “told you i’d eventually win you over.”

you chuckle and lightly punch kenji’s bicep, shaking your head, “tell anyone, and i’ll deny it.” you threaten in jest.

you tap your lips with your index finger and look up in mock contemplation, “hm. maybe if you explain how you turned us invisible back there i’ll think about a date.” you remind him. you were still owed a great explanation.

kenji grins, “is that all it takes? well, then, i’ve got a hell of a story for you.”

special thank you to @butterflyreads for being so patient and liking my works, hope you enjoy this one <3

#kenji kishimoto #kenji kishimoto x reader #kenji kishimoto x female reader #kenji kishimoto imagine #shatter me #shatter me fanfic #aaron warner #juliette ferrars #x female reader #reader imagine #reader insert

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honey-on-your-tongue · 2 years ago

Note

ok so I’m about to request and I’m nervous

may we have some Tsu’tey x fem! Navi! reader?

basically they have known each other since childhood but when they became adults their ways parted. Reader is bratty ( because she’s trynna get his attention ) and careless so Tsu’tey is asked to help her become a warrior ( like how to shoot and arrow etc ) and she’s being bratty once again in the forest so Tsu’tey has had enough and decides to punish her for her behavior ( spanking & maybe choking on his c0ck 🤭😜 ). And then yk he just casually fucks reader ( I imagine him having a sir kink & his fav position being doggy idk why 😩 ).

& a fluff ending maybe? like mating or promising each other 🥰 bless u if u decide to write this

Hi my angel!!! I've been dying to get to this request omgggg 😩😩😩😩

Also, do I make you nervous?? 🤭😏😏😏 Never hesitate to request, babe!!! I always love hearing from you my angel!!

-----

Tsu'tey sighs as he watches you from afar. You refuse to help with anything, refuse to do your duties, refuse to heed anyone's warnings. He doesn't understand what's going on with you. He's known you forever, since you were children, and you've never behaved like this.

What changed? he wonders. Why is she behaving like this?

Mo'at stands beside him, also watching you. “She is out of control, Tsu'tey,” she tells him. “She needs someone to help her find her way.”

Tsu'tey nods, agreeing. “Who should we choose?”

Mo'at shakes her head. “It's already been decided: you are the only one she'll listen to, Tsu'tey. It must be you who guides her.”

Tsu'tey turns to Mo'at, surprised but also delighted. It's been a while since you two sat to talk, since you two've had a conversation beyond just greeting each other when you run into one another.

“Me?”

Mo'at nods. “She'll listen to you, no one else.”

Tsu'tey nods slowly, accepting his fate, his heart racing in his chest, full of anticipation and nerves about the encounter.

A day later, he finds himself in a clearing in the woods, waiting for you. He has a bow and a quiver of arrows at his feet and he glances around, expectant.

When you finally show up, Tsu'tey is surprised to find that you don't look apologetic in the least.

“Hi,” you greet simply, smiling softly.

Tsu'tey says, “You're late. Half an hour late. Why?”

Your eyes fall to the weapon on the ground, and you sigh softly. “Oh. This is why you wanted to meet with me?” you question without answering him.

“I asked you why you were late,” he says sharply. “When I ask you something, I expect an answer.”

You sigh. “I got...caught up in other stuff,” you lie. In all honesty, you were going to be right on time, but you were too nervous, so you were debating whether or not to show, and it's why you were late. You and Tsu'tey haven't talked in what feels like forever, and when he'd asked you to meet him, you'd been too nervous.

Tsu'tey says, “Ensure it doesn't happen again, okay?”

You nod before asking, “Are we only going to train?”

Tsu'tey raises an eyebrow. “Yes. Your lack of obedience is of concern to the clan, and I've been sent to train you. Starting with the bow.”

You look at him, something in your eyes growing sad. “You're only here because the others want me to become a warrior?”

Tsu'tey's tail swings from side to side with unease. He's aching to tell you the truth, to tell you that he gets butterflies in his stomach whenever he sees you, tell you that he's wanted to talk to you all this time, tell you that he's missed you. “Yes,” he says instead, unsure of telling the truth.

At this, you cross your arms. “Well, I'm not interested in training, Tsu'tey,” you tell him. “If you'll excuse me, I'll take my leave.”

Tsu'tey grabs your wrist. “We have to train, girl,” he tells you. “You can't just walk away from the future Olo'eyktan.”

You glare at him. “Just let go of me. This is a waste of my time,” you snap, trying to tug your wrist out of his grasp.

He holds you tight, anger bursting through him. He clenches his jaw and says, “My patience is running out. Do not test me.”

You hiss at him. “Let go of me,” you repeat, trying to pry his fingers open with your other hand. “If I'm going to be with you, I don't want to just train. Let go.”

Tsu'tey raises an eyebrow. “What do you want to do with me, then?” he asks.

Your eyes widen, ears folding back as you blush. And then, Tsu'tey realizes what's happening. He chuckles softly. “Why did you think I summoned you today?” he asks you, studying your face.

“Let go of me,” you insist, trying to move away. “Let go.”

“No,” he says. “Tell me what you thought I called you here for,” he insists.

You glare at him, clearly reluctant, and then say, “Not to train, alright?”

“Well you have to train,” he snaps. “You're disrupting the clan, and I've been charged with the responsibility.”

You huff. “I'm not gonna train,” you snap. “I just want to leave. Please.”

Tsu'tey shakes his head. “You've been misbehaving for too long now. Someone's gotta put you in your place.”

And then you scoff, asking, “And you think that's gonna be you?”

And Tsu'tey's anger bursts out of him, an uncontrollable fire that burns through him. “On your knees,” he snaps. “Now.”

When you don't obey, he forces you to the ground until you're kneeling in front of him. “You don't get to behave like this and not expect to have consequences,” he growls at you, one of his hands falling to your face, holding your chin between his fingers. “Your actions have consequences, girl. That's what I'm here to teach you.”

Your eyes are wide as you stare up at him. His cock twitches under his loincloth at the sight of you on your knees before him, and he rubs his hand over his hard-on.

Your gaze follows the movement, pupils blown wide and ears folded back with excitement and a little bit of fear.

“You're all bark 'nd no bite, huh?” he says, chuckling, as he undoes his loincloth and tosses it away. “Well, let's give that pretty mouth something to do other than talk back.”

His cock is long and thick, the head already dribbling precum as he grabs himself from the base and slaps his cock against your face. Your eyes are wide as you stare up at him, and he orders, “Open up.”

You do as asked, sticking your tongue out, and Tsu'tey spits into your mouth before shoving his cock between your lips. You gasp as he slides into you, all the way down your throat, making you gag quietly.

Tsu'tey groans. “Much better,” he says, one of his hands holding onto the back of your head to keep you in place as he starts fucking your face. “Do you hear that?” he asks and then falls silent for a moment. Your eyes are on his face, wordlessly questioning what he means. He laughs. “Exactly. No little brats talking back to me.”

He fucks your face, his cock pressing down on your tongue, the thick head bruising the back of your throat and making you gag.

“Yeah, choke on my cock, girl,” he grunts. “Choke on it. That's what your mouth's made for. Not to be talkin' back, not to complain about your consequences—just to suck my cock.”

You moan against him, your spit dripping down your chin, your jaw hurting from how wide you have to open your lips to fit his girth. You place your hands on his thighs to hold yourself upright, to keep him from very much literally choking you. But he's stronger than you, his strength overpowers yours, and he pushes you to take his cock into your mouth until your nose presses against his lower abdomen.

“Fuck,” he gasps, feeling your throat tighten around him. “Yeah, that's so good.”

You moan softly, trying to push yourself away, tears forming in your eyes as you gag. He finally releases you and you pull back, bobbing your head on his cock, taking him as deep as you can without gagging.

But Tsu'tey likes it when you gag. He adores it. So he'll occasionally force himself deeper into your throat, his cock twitching every time you gag. He grunts softly, the pleasure building within him. He wants to come inside you, sure, but not in your mouth.

He releases you from his grasp and pulls his cock out of your mouth. You gasp softly, fighting for your breath, your heart racing in your chest.

Tsu'tey kneels in front of you before he spins you around, placing you on all fours. He rips your loincloth off, leaving your soaked pussy and ass bare for his eyes to stare at. And then he spanks you, making you mewl.

“You're a brat,” he spits, spanking you again, watching your ass bounce from his rough treatment. “Such a mouthy little thing. But you're all quiet now, huh? I don't hear you complainin' now.”

You moan quietly. “I'm sorry,” you mumble.

He spanks you. “That's sir to you,” he demands, fingers digging into the skin of your thigh.

“I'm sorry, sir,” you repeat, shaking, and he spanks you again. “I was good that time!” you complain, body jerking away from him.

Tsu'tey laughs. “So? If I wanna spank you, I'll spank you. Until your ass is raw, until you can't walk, until you're crying for me.”

You shake your head. “No, please! 't hurts.”

He scoffs. “I know it hurts. That's the point. It's so you learn your lesson, girl.” He spanks you again and you shudder, the scent of his anger thick in the air.

“Sir, please,” you whine. “Please, no more. I'll be good! Please, I'll be good, sir. Don't spank me anymore.”

He spanks you again. Just because he wants to. “You promise you'll be good?” he questions, his hand tracing the skin of your ass, and you shiver, afraid he'll slap your asscheek again.

“I promise!” you gasp. “I promise I'll be good, sir!”

He spanks you one last time, simply for the sake of watching your ass jiggle at the impact. “Fine. I'll put my cock in you, then, hm? How's that sound?”

You hesitate, and Tsu'tey can sense your sudden discomfort. “What's wrong?” he asks, worried he's overstepped.

You swallow, nerves rushing through your body before you say, “Uh, I...I've never done this before.”

Something in Tsu'tey softens, his heart fluttering at your words. “We don't have to do this, girl.”

You shake your head. “I-I want to do it. I just...Can you do it gently?”

He smiles at himself. “'f course, I can,” he replies, running the thick head of his cock between your folds before he aligns himself with your entrance. “Deep breath f'r me, girl,” he instructs.

You inhale deep and sharp, and Tsu'tey sinks into you, his cock stretching you open as he slides inside your pussy. When his hips meet yours, he gasps softly, and you moan, cunt clenching around him.

“That's it,” he says. “Good girl.”

You mewl, rocking yourself back and forth on his cock, the stretch and the weight of him sending butterflies into your womb. You hiss softly, the pleasure a wonderful, foreign sensation for you, and you beg, “Sir, please.”

“Yeah, I know what you want,” Tsu'tey tells you, thrusting in and out of you slowly, at first, before he feels you relax around him and then he's rutting into you. The thick tip crashes into your cervix, making you jolt with each thrust, and he holds onto your hips, keeping you in place.

“Fuck,” he groans. “Oh, look at this pussy, s'wet and s'tight f'r me.”

You cry out, hips jerking, body trembling. “So good, sir! 's so good!”

“I know,” he grunts, his hips slamming into your ass, making the flesh jiggle. “I know it's good, girl. You gonna thank me for it?”

“Thank you, sir!” you gasp, nails digging into the ground beneath you. “Thank you so much!”

Tsu'tey chuckles quietly, “You're welcome, baby.”

He keeps pounding into you, hard and sharp, knocking your breath from your lungs with each thrust. And you're gasping and shaking, mewling, and you whimper, “Tsu'tey, I-I wanna be yours!”

At this, he slows his thrusts slightly. “What'd you say?” he asks, caressing the skin of your back softly.

“I wanna be yours,” you insist. “Want you t'mate me, Tsu'tey. Please.”

And the phrase is unreal to Tsu'tey, the idea igniting a bright burst of happiness within him. You being his? You begging him to let you be his mate? It makes his heart race, his stomach fill with butterflies, and he can't help the smile that breaks across his face. “Are you sure?” he asks, pulse quick and loud in his ears.

You nod. “Please. I've always been yours, Tsu'tey. Only yours. There's no one for me if it's not you.”

And Tsu'tey pulls out of you, turning you to lie on your back so he can see your face. “I See you,” he tells you, reaching for his braid, holding it out to you.

Your eyes are wide, excited, your face flushed with the effort from the sex and the excitement of the situation. “I See you,” you reply, grabbing your braid and meeting it with his.

Tsu'tey shudders when he feels you, when your lust and your passion and your love fill his veins. He sinks his cock into you, feeling your pleasure through tsaheylu, and he cages your body beneath his.

You're breathing heavily, eyes shut tight. The feeling of Tsu'tey's love for you is so intense, you feel like crying from happiness. You didn't know he felt like you did.

He places his forehead against yours and you open your eyes, meeting his gaze. He kisses you softly, carefully, as he gently starts thrusting into you, making you mewl.

“Please,” you say against his lips, your arms wrapping around his neck and holding him close. “Please, sir. Fuck me.”

Tsu'tey groans lowly, increasing the speed of his hips, the bulbous head of his large cock crashing into your cervix, making you gasp. “I love you,” he says, meaning it—truly meaning it—kissing your forehead, your cheeks, the tip of your nose. “I always have, and I always will.”

Your nails dig into his back, scratching his skin, as your hips buck up to meet his with each thrust. “I love you too!” you gasp, meaning every word, your body trembling. The sensation of Tsu'tey's pleasure adding up to your own is too much. It makes you mewl, your eyes rolling into the back of your head as you feel the fire within you burn to a boiling point.

“Tsu'tey!” you gasp, shaking. “Tsu'tey!”

“I know, love,” he tells you, kissing your forehead. “Come for me, yeah? I know you can do it.”

You whimper, body jerking under his, your pussy clenching around him. Your orgasm grows within you, spreading like a bubble deep in your lower stomach until it bursts, sending pleasure ricocheting through you as you mewl, back arching, every nerve alight with ecstasy.

“Fuck,” Tsu'tey gasps, feeling your orgasm through the bond, feeling your pleasure add to his. “Fuck!” he grunts, and then his own orgasm is upon him, crashing through him. He groans as he spills his hot, sticky load into you, painting your gummy walls, filling you to the brim.

You gasp beneath him, struggling to catch your breath, and Tsu'tey kisses your lips tenderly. With his mouth grazing yours, he says, “You are the only one for me, baby. I want you. I want you and only you. I don't know what I would do without you in my life, and I am happy to finally be able to call you mine.”

-----

@kamcrazy123 @yagirlheree @sweetllamaparadise

-----

Blog masterlist

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bloggingboutburgers · 2 years ago

Note

Hi, big fan of your ace and aro art!

Genuine question here: How do you maintain a long distance relationship with your QPP (queerplatonic partner)?

Hey! Thank you so much for the kind words, that means a lot TwT

Regarding your question, apologies for the long shit incoming in advance, I'll probably share way more than what's needed, but anyway:

OK, to be honest, I should mention that I'm used to long-distance in most of the relationships in my life anyway, so that's kinda my bread and butter. I was bullied in my small town schools and later I went on to study foreign languages, so all of that created circumstances that made it natural for me to create real friendships mostly with people online or in foreign countries. I've always been more of a "next country rather than nextdoor" type of person to begin with, and my partner was no exception I guess.

We got to know each other online, so we were sort of used to the bulk of our relationship being online when we decided to be in a QPR. It was my partner's suggestion before we even got to meet IRL, and to be honest I'd never had a romantic or queerplatonic partner before and didn't fully grasp what it meant at the time, but it sounded nice, so I went for it! We met up IRL in 2018, a couple months after that (I was meeting up IRL for the first time with another friend who also happened to live in the area, in retrospect I really appreciate everyone's patience as I imposed a double visit and splitting my time in two between them TwT) and at that time it only cemented how much of a vibe it was.

After that, I was saving to visit them again in 2020, but... Y'know, the shit happened. The US (where my partner lives) enforced a travel ban on my country and several others that lasted until November 2021. It was incredibly hard during those times. We called very often, but since I'd been all riled up on the idea of hugging them again, and I was very affection-deprived because no one was allowed to see anyone or touch anyone (and that was pretty heavily monitored by cops for quite a while in my country), it wasn't enough for me to feel OK. The only way one could travel from a banned coutry to the US was to stay 14 days in a non-banned country and then travel from there – which I ended up doing in mid-2021 because I was basically going nuts. It was pretty damn expensive, but since nothing had been allowed for a while it's not like I'd spent my money on much, so I had savings, and I needed to prove myself that I could do it. We reunited IRL then for a good week. Then, because they'd fairly recently got a job (which meant more income for travel) and because US citizens WERE allowed to travel to banned countries, THEY visited me in September 2021 (and we formally promised to marry each other someday then, so even travel bans couldn't separate us in the future).

Despite all that, come late October 2021 and with no end in sight for the travel ban, I'd completely spiralled into despair over our future again. The travel ban and other restrictions made seeing each other so much harder and it was seriously taking a toll. Despite everything we'd managed that year, at that time, it felt so hard I was having serious self-endangering thoughts for the first time in my life, and I wanted to give up. That lasted about a couple days until I talked about it to them over videocall and heard their words of support and saw their face and got all angry like "fuck no, they can't take that away from me". So, because they're who they are, and because of extra support from some friends which meant a lot, despite everything, we didn't give up.

Now I'm free to travel to them again so honestly? Maintaining a long-distance relationship feels really easy right now. We text every day, videocall at least once a week and send each other care packages with gifts for our birthdays, holidays and special occasions. (Our time zone difference is 9 hours, which is convenient, cus when I wake up they're more or less about to go to bed so we can chat for a bit, when my workday is over theirs hasn't started yet, and when they're having lunch I'm having dinner, so we often share meals and watch stuff together over video calls.) We're both working adults with a stable source of income, which definitely plays into a lot, cus that means we're much more free to save up and make plans to visit each other – and by god ever since 2021 we've been making much more frequent plans, as of today we have 3 meetups more or less planned, one of them coming up this month actually, so that's pretty great^^

I do live in fear of another travel ban coming out of nowhere, so I do hope we can marry someday – though that'll be its own whole can of worms in terms of coming-out and immigration hardships, but we're determined to work through it. We're determined not to be long-distance forever. Kinda sucks that we have to go through something as amatonormative as marriage to achieve that, but also, ehh, y'know what, if that means someday I get to hang out with them in person everyday, it ain't that bad. It's a means to an end. And I guess it's a cute idea in a way.

...Welp that was way too long. tl;dr it's not easy every day. Some circumstances out of your control can really put you through the ringer sometimes. But on the flip side that means you get out of it stronger and the whole thing's kind of a virtuous circle. The more you fight for it, the more precious it is to you, and the more precious it gets to you, the more you want to fight for it. Kinda comes naturally to me at this point, so, I guess, don't make it a chore. It never felt like one to me. It's all a treasure if anything.

#alright i'll shut up #anon #long distance relationship #queerplatonic relationship #tw sui ideation #tw bullying mention

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hungeringheart · 1 year ago

Note

If you're still active can I have a Derse witch of hope analysis

Hi! I'm going through my backlog answering a bunch of asks (in appearance order). I'm sorry I took so long, a lot was happening! I have to say thank you for letting me have a reason to do another classpect post, I really liked doing that first one. I hope you like this!

Without further ado, let me make this as lovely an experience to read as it must have been to see the other one for you!

Let me teach you to wonder and worry,

Permit me to tell you how to wage war;

A creature's reach should exceed its grasp,

Or what's a heaven for?

- Leslie Fish, Lucifer

Regarding Hope

Homestuck frames Hope as a very powerful aspect. I would caution people against the assumption that it's always the most important variable in all games -- it was central to the kids' story in a way it may not be in other narratives -- but we get direct statements from Aranea about the power of Hope, and a number of people get stepped on by Hope heroes who shouldn't get stepped on otherwise. This is because, basically, an aspect that runs on not obeying limitations is really effective in a story about unfairly imposed limitations.

That's what I think Hope really means in context -- perseverance at any cost, the faint glimmer of possibility, the boundary between "is" and "might be", the ability to dream and want things you can't have, the part of the future you cannot see and have to trust in. In some respects all players have to learn Hope-type behaviours and understandings (to play the game at all you have to go in blind and trust in the idea it will all be ok), but Hope players have the inevitable certainty that what they're doing will have an effect... and honestly, considering the grind? They deserve it, probably.

I'm not a sadist; I enjoy just being able

To be a witness of

the loneliness

And be a higher power,

In case there isn't one...

In case there isn't one.

I'm not a higher power; I just live in the ceiling,

'Cause I'm lonely on the fringes

And it gives my life some meaning

In the exile -- in my exile.

- Paris Paloma, notre dame

Regarding Witches

Witches, like I've said here before many a time, change and change through their aspect; their task is to challenge and reform things and systems that aren't working. They're supposed to be opposed in this in some way; the operative symbolism here is the Biblical witch, who in context would have been a type of spirit medium, a person who could hypothetically see justice done, call up the victim's ghost, reveal that it wasn't justice at all and complicate things for everyone immensely; we should also consider the more recent witch, the one properly called by that name, and the overall imagery of the outcast and the distrusted.

As the Sylph is the benign and accepted side of this dyad, the Witch is the questionable, dangerous, unpredictable one -- after all, to "heal" and "repair" something sounds a lot less threatening to the people who built it than "fix" and "change". Even if those things are substantially the same in practice, sometimes.

A Witch of Hope, then, is a person who exists challenging common understandings of Hope -- an unusual Hope player who chooses to lean into being unusual, maybe in many ways even behaving like a Sylph of Doom. A Dersite Witch of Hope is one who doesn't accept the way of things or necessarily the framing of their aspect, and whose methods are perhaps more invasive and direct than some others' may be -- but in what way? Let's see.

Tired and worn from the patterns I've carved,

I will do better in the morning.

I'm afraid of who I'd be without you,

I will do better in the morning.

Twisting up smokes, I'm in control

'Til the fire burns down my miniature vacation

And I'm always left with the taste in my mouth --

I will do better in the morning.

- Birdtalker, Better in the Morning

A detour to Prospit

There's something that all Derse dreamers have in common, and we can best understand it in terms of the opposite.

Of course there is the official quiz writeup about the moon sway, which tells us they're all unified by a restless skepticism and an anxiety about time -- but outside of that, and actually maybe even ignoring that, have you noticed that both canonical Derse dreamers had a similarity of journey?

Dave and Rose's struggle throughout the game is essentially the same struggle -- the game is pretty dumb for some shit that has everybody by the scruff of the neck, and the thing that has to change about that before they can approach the problem is their own approach to the situation.

Now, see, Prospitian quests seem to be focused more on external things, connections, social markers of coming of age, the system as it's meant to help growing children -- and Dersites' quests are internally focused, typically between them, some deep thought and the relevant entities one by one. Rose's grimdarkness, Dave's time travel -- oh goodness, the time travel. Why is that?

The answer is probably why Prospit dreamers have a stereotype of being agreeable -- not necessarily, and they don't need to be whimsical extroverts the way that John and Jade are; they just have to be able not to push away people they need, whether because they love those people and were never hurt by them, or because they're afraid of and resigned to them... or because the invisible hand of the game has, like the proverbial monkey's paw, curled a finger.

Not to say that all players don't have to go through both a social and personal maturation before they can create a new universe, but the game might select an arbitrary sway for a person based on a perceived shortage in their life of that element.

In this school of thought, it's popular fanon that abused children are often Prospit dreamers -- they're already on a journey of struggle no one else can see before they play, and if they refuse to externalize it (like Dave does, thus his Derse sway) they end up dreaming on Prospit because the computer is a cheating bastard.

Skaia needs them in shape to play and exploits their sense of order (damaged as it is) to get them in a position to do it -- if you're already really good at accepting existential horrors in your personal life, what's a fantastical computer world of friendly lizards to you? More importantly, might puttering around looking after several thousand mentally deficient salamanders and befriending individual pawns from a culture that hates you (the multiplayer equivalent of forming the Felt) help you heal from the trauma of your own uncaring childhood?

A Derse sway then might mean a typically edgy sort of lone wolf or contrarian for any number of readily worldbuildable reasons, but it could also mean that this person has trouble trusting and relying on themself and their own instinct -- and what better way to sharpen that faculty than making them rely on it all night every night in their sleep?

Put it all together now:

A Dersite Witch of Hope is someone who has to make some internal changes and grow a little around the idea that the conditions and axioms of persistence and faith in their world are flawed; someone who is assigned the task of dreaming about and iterating on these things until they crystallize in some sort of a waking plan or indeed a hope for a way forward.

This person will not be unopposed in the external world, but their internal journey is about them individually, about how they digest the ideas they encounter and grow into the type of person they need to be...

All in all, a perfectly charming kind of thing to be -- and player to have in your game, don't you think?

#classpect analysis #witch of hope

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catnherthoughts · 5 days ago

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reflection on the parallels 11/8

maybe it was intentional. from god? from some higher power. what purpose would it serve. give me something to think about maybe. to see where i've been and where i am now. to look back on the past where i was grasping on this. but where am i now? its not anywhere better. i used to self harm once in a blue moon. now i do it regularly. i used to be depressed every so often but i'd figure my way out and learn to see the sunlight. i've been in a depressive episode for 6 weeks straight. i don't think that after contemplating suicide for as long as i have i should still be here. that's a topic i may brush up on later. regardless, this made me write. to see different periods of my life at my north, south, east, and west; i ask myself one thing, what have i learned? maybe that i am lovable but even that is not enough. trials are tribulations will get you to your goal at one point, but what happens when the goal is lackluster. not to say that it is but, it didn't solve anything. i thought that once i became skinny enough and had a boyfriend that all in my world would be sunshine and daisies because not only would i be pretty but i would be loved. validation of sorts. i am both now. i can confidently say i am pretty, very pretty to some. i am loved deeply. yet, neither of these things fixed me. when i had a little less years on me, i spent my depressive moments longing for this life. i thought that once i fixed my flaws everything would be ok. how do i tell her that no matter that goal you reach, you'll always be sick. it makes me lose hope. my therapist says i need to work on using better language for my emotions rather than: upset, weird, odd. i am melancholic at the fact that achieving my goals will not make me feel better. it makes me worry for the future. i would like to graduate and have a good job. we also discussed a "chain of motivation". breaking down my big goals into smaller ones and what i want from them. how do i tell her all that i really want is to be dead. i am tired of fighting a losing battle. i don't do this for myself. when i think of the suicide i have neatly waiting in a satin lined gift box in my dreams, i get deterred by external factors. my friends and family would be so utterly devastated by my death. (they see my suffering and don't do anything, mostly because they know they can't.). My mom would maybe off herself and i think it'd shatter those close to me in a way that alters their view of the world forever. i'd like to think that somene at my funeral would give a speech like: she was so happy and a joy yo every room she was in, you'd never know she was struggling. but i do try to give subtle signs. you see my wrists. you see the scars. you see the posts. you see the weight loss. you see the dulling of my character. i guess people are blind to things they don't want to see. fair. i also think about what i would be giving up. the life i wouldn't get to live. maybe i'd do something in the world to make a difference. i'd lose the opportunity to do so many great things. never get to experience a full life. none of this is moving enough to get the thought out of my head, but just moving enough to make me not do it. or maybe i'm just so depressed that i don't have the stores to carry out what i know must be done. all the energy i have left is spent on school. If people knew how much I was suffering I wonder if they'd do anything different. I tell my close friends all the time how horrible I am. nothing changes. if i was them i'd do something. then again, i am not them. no one will love and care for me the way i do others. it's not that their love is bad. they do their best. i just need more and i know i'm never gonna get it. i kind of want to go to the hospital. to see how everyone would react. would i get flowers? would people come to see me? i dont really want any of that, or am i too selfish to say that i actually do. I'm not sure how this turned into a monologue about my fantasy of suicide when it was meant to reflect the symbolism of events that occured today. maybe this does reflect it.

*unintentional page break bc i can't type more in that text block*

i got what i wanted and still. nothing. maybe i'm even worse. i felt a sort of adrenaline i feel guilty for. the past looking at me in the present. i wonder how it felt. did it want to call out to me? was it proud? can it see how poorly i am doing? would it want to make it worse. it'll pass by me soon enough and at that point, i won't have it to look back on, or i guess look at. i may cut myself once i am done writing. something to feeeeeeel. south past may be unbothered. or maybe just curious. or maybe resentful. i dont think west past thinks as deeply as i do. i don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. i feel so sad for the girl i was back then. i miss her hope. she at least had the hope that when she go to her dream state, she'd be better. she had hopes that once ehr goals were reached that she'd be better. maybe they're haunting me. all the negative juju. cannot handle it. all i can try to do right now is push through. everyday that's what i've been doing. maybe this was something to make me feel something more profound than an apathetic depression with spurts of distraction. now i can reflect. i don't think this reflection is any really good in terms of helping me get better but its getting me to write. i think its funny that i only really write when i am sad. i think thats where my art thrives. my emotions are the most creative when i'm trying to use them as a scapegoat to express emotion. maybe i am art in my core. when i kill myself i should like type out how my suicide was an art piece to get people to think. then i'd be famous. i don't really want that but i want to do something profound. i can be taught about in classes. then maybe i'd just become another students dreaded homework assignment or reading. then again i'd rather do that with my suicide than just have it be devastating. would i be able to clearly write out an explanation. maybe i'd title it "the battle lost" or something cool like that. this is cool to think about.

am i selfish? maybe. my mom lost her mom. my boyfriend lost his father. his mom and brother battle serious depression. then again everyone has things they deal with. i have deep dark secrets i can't even share here that i have to deal with daily. is it selfish if i am the only one fighting this fight. maybe its some sort of self advocation. "i don't want to do this anymore and i don't have to". all i think about is killing myself. i dont want to keep living. thats it. nothing seems worth living more. maybe i just need to be more grateful. maybe. i dont really care to put effort into anything other than my looks, space, and schoolwork at this point. oh! i also put a lot of effort into others. do they put the same effort into me. i dont think so. no one would care for me like i would for them. going back to a point i made earlier. the thought that brings me pure bliss is the thought of me taking the sharpest razor i can find and running in down my arm. like cutting open a pillow. the fluff would get everywhere and ecstacy would release. then it'd be done. i'd be done living this facade. no one really knows how i feel except my therapist and even then i don't know if she fully comprehends the scope of what i deal with. no one can hear me cry. no one. i need help. maybe i do need to go to the hospital. i'll make a big mess of myself for attention and then everyone will be mad and i'll go to the hosptial. what will it accomplish? i'm not sure. it'll be a self advoation for sure. look and see me suffering. please. help.

that's all. thanks.

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chillonxixa · 2 years ago

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March 23, 2023

Ok rewrite, because I wrote the previous when I was sad as fuck

I don't know what's going to happen with my future and when all that happened it was really disappointing and difficult to deal with because the drama from my program felt it was never going to stop following me.

The healthiest way I've found to deal with my problems is to take time to myself to process and feel it all out. I'll go out sometimes to distract myself, I hang out with people I feel less self-conscious of showing my bad mood to.

The space I take for myself can turn into isolation where I'm stuck in a negative thought loop and not thinking of others. I talk to my mom the most and I still barely speak to her.

Even if I need that time to myself, whether you're my friend or we're together, especially if we're together, it's important to me that you feel secure with me.

I know it's difficult to ask for reassurance because we both know how fucking annoying it is to be on the consistently giving side of it. But maybe we could both work on that.

As for feeling like there isn't a desire to get closer

I felt some kind of way that time we had our first check in conversation at the park. You brought up that you were thinking about it but left it open ended for me. And it felt like you wanted me to take the lead on that conversation to feel me out, which put me in a weird mood. It seemed abrupt and we were close to my house too. I felt like I was talking about how much I value us, and how I felt secure because it felt like we were being intentional and careful with each other and own own feelings at the time.

And when it came your turn to talk, it felt like a jumble of how "sex muddies things up" and you kind of retold the timeline of our dates without reciprocating the same honesty of where you were at.

It felt odd and I thought I should probably reassess and ground myself.

I don't know if I'll ever be someone that'll be able to think of things on the spot, like I can, but I need time to develop my thoughts bc then I just talk too much and it's super unproductive.

I've been feeling like our dates are an errand you're squeezing in, and you've cleared it up how you see plans, but it pushed me to think we were leaning towards something platonic.

In the beginning I didn't care about when or what we did physically, because I know I can handle myself, but I'm starting to see the value in feeling things out before jumping into any of that. So if I pulled back on those things too, that's why.

I've been thinking about if communication should be a natural thing or not. Of course people have to work on their communication skills throughout their lives, but I'd like to know what you think.

What we want

I think we both have a good grasp at what the other person doesn't want out of a partner, but we don't really talk about what we want. And if we do, it feels super vague and it's agreeable so never feels like I'm closer to seeing if we're on the same page.

Maybe we don't know what we want yet and that's okay, we said we were going to feel each other out.

I didn't want to press for something that felt one sided though, which it did for a long time. It sucked but I still meant and still do mean it when I say I want to be in your life at any capacity, even if that's a friend, because I value you.

I still don't know what you mean by "needing too much reassurance"

I definitely don't need anyone. But the person you're with is supposed to feel safe. I don't get the consistency I'm looking for by the frequency of times we see each other or talk. But it's how we spend that time

This is important to me because I want to be with someone as ambitious as me. I understand that there's going to be gaps where we don't see each other, but I think we're only as secure as how valuable we treat the time we do give each other.

CONTINUE TOMORROW

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veunho · 3 months ago

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Hello, uh, I know you probably weren't exactly expecting anyone to see this, nor respond, and I get that and I can delete this if you want, no problem. But, if you believe you might have depression, or even if it turns out to not be it and you're just going through a really bad, shitty as fuck time, you should reach out, and it's great that you're doing so.

I'm no professional, let's get that out of the way, and if you find the possibility to get in contact with one you should. But I've been through a somewhat similar situation, and you gotta cling to whatever sanity and joy you can find and ride the wave, because it's only passing through. It will come again? Yeah, probably, but it will also leave again. Don't know if I'm making much sense.

This probably sounds familiar, lol, the whole speech of "you just gotta push through! Go for a walk!" But I think what we fail to grasp sometimes is that pushing through isn't really dealing with your whole life in one go, but more of a taking the littlest of steps possible to do something for your future self.

For example if you're sruggling with maintaining your room? You don't marathon it, maybe you try to free a single surface to have one space that is mess-free, or you try two minutes of putting stuff away (and only those couple minutes, not cycles nor anything) , or just. Put away three items and that's it. Maybe transfer this to your projects? What's the smallest step possible that you have the energy to accomplish?

And this might sound like that positive bullshit, but try to note down or remember your achievements, whatever that might look like for you. I'm not telling you to start mindfulness or journaling, although you could try it if you want, but please remember the good things you did that day, even if it's only getting out of bed, or having a meal.

Rests are a must, even if you feel you haven't done much, even if it's a rest from rotting in bed.

You could look up any NGOs or centers/hospitals in you area that may offer free programs or help about mental health (many are less than stellar, but others are really nice places), or for people or resources online (I've heard of 7cups, but I've never used it, so I can't exactly recommend it) I'm pretty sure there's a lot of blogs here about mental health you could look up and maybe even talk to if you feel like it(I can look them up if you want, it's no problem).

Your friends aren't therapists, but they're still your friends, and it's ok to lean on them a little. And you aren't a machine, so fuck productivity, and if you can't keep up with something you're allowed to ask for help completing it or for someone else to take it up. And if you let down someone, the world will not end, you can talk it out, you two can get past it.

Trauma is trauma, no matter how long ago it happened or how "small" it might seem, and it doesn't have anything to do with privilege. Neither does depression. People with privilege get depressed, too, and it doesn't make it lesser.

I Don't know what else to say, but I know you can keep going, and that whatever you are going through will pass, eventually.

I'm no professional and I don't want to claim anything, but I think that maybe, just maybe, perhaps even only hypothetically, I have a smidge of depression

Because tell me why nothing that used to bring me joy brings me joy anymore, and when before I was looking forward to my new future I see nothing; or rather, I still do have a future planned but it all just feels hopeless.

And why is it that despite so many health concerns popping up with too much frequency lately, and me getting somewhat concerned by it, a part of me rather do nothing and just let it simmer and get worse despite that being such a huge fear of mine (dying at home due to some random health concern I ignored).

And despitem my fear of death, the thoughts of self deletus keep popping up with much more frequency and no amounts of "but you have so many projects to do, so many things you still want to acomplish, so many people still relying on you and would be sad if you left" to myself is working anymore and that, frankly, is terrifying in itself. I jumped in so many projects so that I could have something to look forward to, to enjoy and have fun and idk make a future for myself, and yet I find myself unable to do any of them properly.

Or maybe I'm just tired, maybe it's just the heat making me sluggish and lazy and I have neglected my health so much it has made me weaker and thus making me just rot in my own home....

Or maybe I really just need professional help which isn't possible in the moment when my parents refuse to even go to the hospital when I'm in major pain anyway and, despite being an adult, I have no money for these kinds of things and I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DO THIS IS TERRIFYING WHERE AND WHO DO I FUCKING TURN TO

My friends aren't therapists, this blog is too public to air out my traumas, even this is over sharing but no one sees my posts unless it's fandom related to fuck it.

Koko bot will only send me to professional help I can't reach at the moment.

I just

Feel lost????????

And I'm letting so many people down due to my unproductivity right now, this is so terrifying because I'm letting my health get worse on purpose I think and no amount of fear is making it stop.

I'm slowly killing myself and I hate it.

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littlelioncub43 · 2 years ago

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The Way It Was

Summary: Dennis has a bad day and takes it out on you.

Pairing: Dennis Baker x Female!Reader

Warnings: Angst, yelling/shouting, a now insecure reader, hurt/comfort, Dennis being a meany because of a bad day, poor communication skills, Dennis gets reminded of what his life was like before, fluff eventually.

Word count: I have no idea, I wrote this on my phone

A/N: So! This was unexpected! And I've decided to make this a little 2 parter! I'm currently working on part 2, I'll have it up by tomorrow. I felt like these two needed a little drama, don't you think?? I think so. 😈 p.s. I named this after The Killers song "The Way It Was" and I just want to say that I love that band.

Part 2

Dennis was stressed out at work, a member of his division quit so the already bulky workload nearly doubled while they looked for a replacement. Your anniversary was coming up and he wanted to plan the perfect date but all the restaurants he wanted to take you to seemed to be booked solid the entire weekend. And, to top it all off, he spilled old coffee all over himself on the way home from work.

So when he got home, he wasn't in the best of moods, and for some reason your soft smile didn't make it better. He needed space, some time to himself to decompress from everything. You were too cheerful for him to deal with right now, and the last thing he wanted was for you to dump everything that happened to you on to him. When you wrapped your arms around him while you told him about something funny that you saw on the way to his place— he just snapped.

"Jesus— would you stop?! Please!" He boomed suddenly, pulling himself from your grasp and taking a few steps away from you. "I don't want to hear about whatever happened to you, right now, ok? I don't care. I don't want you hanging off my fucking arm, it's too fucking much, all the time! Just leave me alone!"

You flinch when he shouts, jumping back as he continues to yell and put some distance between the two of you. Standing still, you listen to him get it out. You knew he was in a bad mood when he got home, you didn't know it was this bad. You can barely fight back the tears that want to well up in your eyes, but you do. You had a knack for holding things like that in.

"Alright, um," you say softly and scratch the back of your neck, you feel embarrassed for having been so clingy. You really should learn how to read the room better. "I'm sorry I overstepped, I didn't know. I'll, uh, be more mindful of that in the future. But I'll get going, let you have some time to yourself."

Dennis feels like an asshole the minute he stopped yelling. He was already having a bad day, and your smile quickly disappearing as he yelled at you made it worse. The way your voice was so serious and oddly small made his heart sink into his stomach. He wants to apologize immediately, but, of course, his words seem to die on his tongue. You take his silence as your que to grab your things and head for the door.

"I'll see you later, Dennis," you call softly on your way towards the door. Once the door shuts with a gentle click, Dennis wants to cry, he wants to chase after you and apologize— but instead he's glued to his spot in the kitchen.

Your drive home was quiet, your only focus was getting home before you sobbed at the next longest red light. Thankfully you made it to the safety of your home still intact. Sending him a quick "made it home" text, you settle into bed early. The words Dennis said on repeat in your mind. He had a right to be upset, you knew that, but it didn't lessen the pain in your chest. Eventually, you cry yourself to sleep for the first time in a long time.

Dennis on the other hand, couldn't sleep a wink. The guilt was eating him alive, everytime he shut his eyes he saw the lightheartedness drained from your eyes and slowly be replaced by a dull pained emotion. And knowing that he was the reason behind it made him sick to his stomach.

He might have gotten an hour's worth of sleep when he heard his alarm going off. He groaned and rubbed his eyes as he got up. He pulled himself out of bed and went on about his normal routine, except there was no "good morning, handsome" texts from you. No "did you get enough sleep" texts. No "I had a weird dream" texts. It was dead quiet, and there was nearly nothing of yours to be found in his apartment. He was alone like he wanted. And for the first time in nearly a year, Dennis was reminded of what his life was like before you.

And that terrified him.

I no longer have a taglist! If you'd like to stay up-to-date on when I post, follow @littlelioncub-library 💖

Dividers by the lovely @firefly-graphics

#dennis baker x you #dennis baker imagine #dennis baker x reader #dennis baker x female reader #dennis baker angst #chris evans fic #chris evans x reader #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans #chris evans angst #little lion literature

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one-sad-human · 3 years ago

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•Pinky Promises• Steven Adler

Pairing: Steven Adler x Reader, Axl Rose x Sibling! Reader

Requested? Yup! By an anon

Theme: Angst(?) to fluff

Warnings: Language, sexual references but nothing explicit

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: Fic 1 of 2! Hope you enjoy! Also, the makeout near the end gets sorta hot and it was pretty fun to write? Like I’m considering exploring into writing smutter pieces. I didn’t want to originally because I thought I’d cringe all the way through and hate the result but I might try it out in the near future. Nothing too crazy but it’s something for me to think about.

You step off of the large bus, your combat boots hitting the ground as you adjust the bag slung over your shoulder. It's stuffed to the brim with whatever you threw in, you're surprised the zipper did burst.

You take a deep breath of the LA air. It's hot and humid and despite the thick air pollution, you can breath easier than you did in Indiana.

You grew up in Lafayette, Indiana with your older half-brother William. You were raised in the hellish house with your shared father, which you finally managed to escape.

William left right at eighteen. He tried taking you with him, but you didn't want him to be charged with kidnapping and have the cops on his ass. Now, two years and your father's stolen wallet later, you're finally in the city of dreams.

"Will!" You yell out, spotting your redheaded other half.

"Y/N!" He mocks, catching your figure in a crushing hug. He's taller than you, so you have to stand on your tippy toes during the embrace. "Thank God you're alright."

"I'm fine, I'm happy to finally see you again," you say, a huge grin on your face. "How's the band? Everything going well?"

"Well enough," he says with a shrug, grabbing your heavy bag and slinging it around his shoulder. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys. You already know Izzy of course, but the rest of them."

The walk to the 'hell house' as Will had called it is filled with catching up. He made sure to keep in contact with you, but the phone calls were always short. It felt nice to have a full length conversation in person with your brother again.

"Welcome home," Will says, leading you into the house. You grimace when you catch a whiff of stale beer and weed.

"You seriously live here? This place should be condemned," you say with disgust.

"And then where would we live?" The oh-so familiar voice of Will's best friend meets your ears. You whip around and fly into his arms.

"Jeffery! I missed you so much! You really should've tried calling, you ass!" You exclaim. Izzy rolls his eyes but smiles nonetheless, patting your back during the hug.

"Who's this?" Another man enters the living room— if that's what it should even be called. He's blonde, taller than you but shorter than the other two men in the room. He has kind eyes and the smile he has on his handsome face leaves you speechless.

"U-uh, hi. I'm Y/N," you say after a moment of shameless gawking. If he noticed, he doesn't mention it.

"Oh that's right! Axl talks a lot about you! I'm Steven," he says and bounds up to you, catching your hand in a shake. You don't question who the hell 'Axl' is, but you smile stupidly at him and bite your lip with a blush staining your face.

"No," Will says, glaring at the cute blonde you've taking an immediate liking to. "Absolutely not."

"William!" You squeak out, pinching his shoulder harsher. He yelps and swats your hand away. Will glares further at you as he ushers you up the creaky stairs to your room. "Nothing happened! And who the fuck is 'Axl'?"

"I saw how you were looking at him! I'm not naive, Y/N. You were giving him the 'fuck me' eyes! And me, everyone calls me Axl here." You give him a look. "Except you, of course. You can call me Will."

You don't give him another word as he leads you to your bedroom. He was the one who didn't have a roommate before, and he'd have to share with Slash now but he was determined to give you your privacy.

"This is the only room with a working lock, use it. Especially when your changing! Three horny men in a house with one you isn't a good combo." You make a face and shake your head, but you can't really tell if he's being overprotective or if his band mates really are pigs.

"Are you not including Izzy?"

"Please, he's the only smart one besides me. He knows I'll rip him a new one." You laugh and give Will another hug.

"I've really missed hanging out with you like this, and thank you for letting me stay here." He nods and rubs your back.

"No problem, we have each other's backs, always." You nod and release your bother from the hug. "One rule though: no hooking up with the guys. One time thing or not, you don't know them like I do, I won't let you get hurt. So don't even try anything with Steven!"

"Even if it's nothing sex?" Will levels you with a look that would make you sweat if you were anyone else. You sigh and roll your eyes. "Fine! I promise."

"Pinky promise?" He asks, holding out his pinky finger. You shake your head but comply anyway, hooking your pinky on his.

"Wow, bringing out the big guns, pinky promises," you tease.

"Bitch," he mumbles. You gasp sarcastically.

"Asshole!" You reply. William takes his leave with another slew of insults under his breath but none to be taken seriously and all with a smile. You shut your door after him and lay on your bed, content with how things are finally beginning to look up.

If you knew where you would be in just a few months of living with your brother and his band, you never would've agreed to the naive promise Will had forced on you. You think back to the day with a frown.

"Whatcha thinkin' about?" Steven asks, pecking your bare shoulder as he lays behind you on your bed. You both lay naked and damp with sweat, glowing from the moonlight streaming in the room.

"William," you say with a sigh.

"We just had sex and your thinking of your brother? Should I be worried about you?" Steven asks teasingly. You fight the smile growing on your face and lightly pinch the his arm tightly wrapped around you. He never fails to make you laugh.

"I just feel bad keeping this a secret from him." You turn around to be face to face with Steven. "It's been months of sneaking around. I'm always nervous we'll get caught together or I'll blurt it out to him."

"Then why don't we just tell him?"

"Do you want to die! Steven, honestly, do you have a death wish?"

"No, but—"

"Then we can't tell my brother we're together. He'll murder you, and then probably me one he finds out how long I've been lying to him," you say and move your head in the crook of Steven's neck.

"Then we can be together in the afterlife!" Steven folds his arms around you even tighter. "Seriously though, we can't lie to him forever. We've been together for six months already, surely he'll see how much we care about each other and not want to kill us."

"Yeah, maybe," you say halfheartedly and close your eyes, finally letting yourself fall asleep.

The next night, Guns has a gig at the Whiskey A-Go Go. The ritual goes like it has been, they play the gig, you wait for Will to get drunk, and you and Steven sneak out to the back of the club to make out and maybe get felt up a bit before returning like nothing happened.

It isn't different this time. Steven's hands leave your skin ablaze as he lets them wander down your sides and up your thighs. His lips don't leave yours, even as he squeezes your ass and you let out a moan. He grins on your mouth and presses his pelvis up to your stomach.

His mouth leaves yours to press feather light kisses to your cheek before trailing down your jaw and onto your neck, where he sucks nips at. You have to press a hand to your mouth to stay quiet.

"Don't leave marks," you remind him through batted breath.

"I won't," he reassures and silences you with a chaste kiss to your swollen lips before returning his attack on your neck.

You hear footsteps fast approaching, but as quickly as you hear them, Steven is ripped away from you. He's slammed into the brick wall next to you harshly and groans. You jump away and gasp.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" William asks, his voice lower than usual. His green eyes dark and downright scary.

"Will! Let him go, come on. Stop fucking around, you didn't have to slam him into a wall," you say, but your shaky voice falls on deaf ears as Will doesn't move. Your hands grasp at his arm and try to yank him away from Steven, but he's stronger and taller than you and doesn't budge, he just keeps his eyes focused on Steven.

"Nothing!" He squeaks out. Even in the dark, his kiss bruised lips and flushed red face is obvious.

"'Nothing?' That's why you were ten seconds away from fucking Y/N?" Will asks.

"William stop it! You're scaring me! Leave him alone!" You push him again and this time, he relents. Will paces and runs his hand through his red locks while you rush to make sure Steven is ok.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," Steven mutters and presses a kiss to your brow to comfort you, sending you a smile when he pulls away. He keeps his hands on your arms and rubs circles with his thumbs.

"How long has this been going on?" Will asks, crossing his arms as he finally stops his pacing.

"Six months..." Steven says nervously. William scoffs and shakes his head. "But it isn't just fucking around! I love them, Ax. Really."

You smile bashfully, biting your lip to try and contain it. You knew you felt strongly for Steven and that he returned the feelings, but you haven't outright said you loved each other— until know of course.

Will stays silent for a few beats, staring contemplative at Steven. He finally sighs, bring a hand up to rub his temples like he has a building headache.

"Yeah? And you love him, Y/N?" He asks. You nod, reaching out to grab Steven's hand. Steven lets a grin creep on to his face. "Then I guess I can't stop you. But if you ever break their heart, I'll fucking gut you, Adler."

If Will makes Steven nervous, he doesn't show it. He gives him a salute with his puppy dog like smile before sticking out his pinky.

"I promise I'll never hurt Y/N purposely, ever." Will rolls his eyes, the irony makes him nearly groan aloud. He sucks it up anyway when he sees your hopeful expression, hooking his pinky onto Steven's.

"Don't make me regret this, Steven," Will grumbles before leaving and walking back into the crowded club. Steven lets out an exhilarated laugh and kisses you, hard.

"Told you he wouldn't kill me!" Steven exclaims, making you laugh out of surprise.

"And we don't have to sneak around anymore!" Steven kisses you again, and again and again until you're breathless.

"I'm so in love with you," he mumbles between his attack on your lips. You smile, tangling your hands in his aqua-net filled hair.

"As I am with you."

#classic rock imagine #guns n’ roses #guns n’ roses x reader #guns n’ roses imagine #80s #steven adler fluff #steven adler imagine #steven adler x reader #steven adler #axl rose x reader #axl rose imagine #axl rose fanfic #axl rose

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engravedthoughts · 2 years ago

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I get so frustrated with myself apart from the lucid image of my life eroding everything in front of me.

I wish I was a gentler person.

Someone who knows exactly what to say to everyone when they are in a war within themselves. I wish I knew the exact combination of words to construct, to seem allusive and not to sound as cliché as "I understand." or "Things will be OK." when these words lost their essence long before I could ever grasp them myself.

I wish I was not the result of all the things that happened in my life, except for the few good parts of it. I wish the way I perceive things is not the same as my mom, who tried everything but received less. Or not my father, who did even the distorted things.

How am I deemed a friend when I don't even come to grips with my own deformities? When the only way I know is to flee from it and turn myself blind. I don't even have the guts to stare straight at the diffident eyes of my demons. When in the pit, I don't even have intentions to crawl up and get back because in there, it is much less daunting.

I have such a firm boundary that keeps these ego, arrogance, and wrath hidden behind the walls of my soft and delicate side so I can be deemed less vulnerable. It takes so much time, running in circles, for me to fully accept the idea of having people I could lean on, but by then it's too late, for I've already lost them.

And when things do slip, I have little to no plans to save them, pondering whether they deserve the chase, believing that they slipped for a reason, for they won't be moving an inch if they don't.

Maybe, just maybe, if things were only been different back then, maybe I could be that person; a gentler one.

But I hope I am not that far yet from making up to it.

I hope.

— “I wish I'll be able to tell this to my future self in case I fail to do this now.”

#poetsandwriters #poetry #prose #spilled poetry #spilled thoughts #writerscreed #creative writing #smittenpoetry #inkstay #paintingofwords

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nekostar4004-1 · 3 years ago

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Ok so I wanted to do a little analysis around what happened recently in the manga and this is the best way I can put it. Be aware I'm gonna babble a lot.

I've got some theories I want to talk about and I need to remind everyone that nothing I say is legit until the author proves it, I'm just speculating.

1. What is the black hole?

I have no idea, so far I can only assume it's a supernatural and it looks like a weird one to me.

2. What is the hole's intention?

The supernaturals are suppose to be "bad" (based on exorcist statements). It sure didn't look friendly so I think they have bad intentions in some way, therefore I'll go with that. (And that's about all I can think of this thing)

3. Why was baby Tsukasa able to see it?

I heard some rumors in the fandom which said that Tsukasa's death was close and that's why he could see it (and that Amane wasn't suppose to die for some reason). I didn't really get it but I'll go with my own little assumption about this as well.

You know there are sayings that twins can share a special bond? genetically or spiritually they can be connected in a way that average siblings can't? There are some documentaries and stories on the net that can prove this somehow... (I'm not gonna go on detail you get the idea).

Amane was on a verge of death, that means he should've been able to see supernaturals but I guess he was too sick to bother going out of his room and meet one, and I think Tsukasa was able to see the "bad" supernatural because of this special bond he probably shares with Amane despite the fact he was healthy. (It could be because they're kids too and they're suppose to be more believable in these things maybe).

I can consider the fact that Tsukasa was about to be sacrificed as well, however he wasn't a kannagi, only kannagis can communicate with supernaturals while still alive, he didn't have kannagi blood so he shouldn't have been able to see it if that was the case, this one kinda left me confused.

Well that's my theory for this one. AidaIro can make a whole story about this "bad" supernatural, that goes back before the twins were born and discard my theory if they want.

4. Was Amane's illness suppose to happen?

Considering that "changing one's fate" happened in this manga before with Amane, I took it as a possibility even if I'm more keen to believe that it was natural. I have yet to know more about this "bad" supernatural to presume this illness could be their doing.

Also I don't think average supernaturals should be able to do something like this so easily (changing fates/futures) so it must be a pretty strong one, or is it able to break some kind of "rules"

5. Tsukasa's lack of empathy.

I think this happened way before baby Tsukasa granted Amane's wish to be cured, since the first one he made to that supernatural. The more this supernatural granted wishes to Tsukasa the more they manipulated him negatively until Tsukasa started sacrificing living beings thinking it was ok, counting he was also naive at that age and wasn't grasping the concept of morality yet, by the looks of it I mean, Tsukasa is a slow learner but he was capable of caring and loving still and he was also considerate of his twin's sadness before he sacrificed.

His view on life and death?

The reason I'd say he's not able to treasure life the same way as everyone else in his current state, it's because to him death and life don't make a difference, because of how this bad supernatural twisted his view on it, the way he "died" (sacrificed) when he was a kid might have given him this idea. If he had a death similar to his twin (or rather the escalation to it) sorrowful, than he would have thought different (assuming if he's able to think for himself at the moment and not someone else doing it for him), but it wasn't like that and he also came back to life the same way, casually. Now to be honest, I see this view on death neutral myself and I don't want to consider it "bad" necesary, but Tsukasa was taught to disregard life too easily it seems, and that may not be good by the looks of it.

Want to add that this also seemed pretty planned, I think the bad supernatural influenced Tsukasa this way to obtain a secure "connection" with him. This is the conclusion I came with so far.

I have to wait before I assume if Tsukasa was/is controlled or not by this supernatural or if them merging together created an entire different "thing". But it's safe to say that he was manipulated into his own madness, since supernaturals should not interfere with humans or exist in their world without rumors. Actually I just realize this thing had no rumors when this happened, how is it able to just appear there around the house with no rumors?

6. A similarity between Sumire and Tsukasa.

So far the only similarity I considered between Tsukasa and Sumire is that they're both "walking" yorishiros (idk how to call them since they're not objects so I come up with this term) and recently they sang the same lullaby about.... something.

Remember there was this subject about Sumire's spirit being able to separate itself from her (kannagi?) body? Now I'm not sure if supernaturals can do it too, or special yorishiros, or just kannagis only. We only saw Sumire do that and she's not a supernatural from all I know, just a kannagi and a yorishiro. Why I bring this up it's because I think this "separation" thing is trying to hint to Tsukasa as well (and I based that solely on the fact that they sang the same lullaby 🤷‍♀️).

7. Tsukasa wasn't meant to be a supernatural.

This is mainly interpretation, I think the moment Tsukasa died and passed to the far shore, this "bad" supernatural must have took something from him, the spirit? The body? Anything else? To not let him rest basically, because I'm guessing it tries to find a way to walk "free" if that makes sense, and also to turn Tsu into a supernatural (which they did).

I'm still confused as how one can become a supernatural though? Before, I assumed it's because you have unfinished business or a regret but that will only turn you into a ghost, not a supernatural with special powers and all that jazz.

And I also assumed (and still do) that the reason Amane become Hanako it's because he committed a severe sin (a crime) besides the regret, Amane also murdered and I thought that's why he became a supernatural ghost but now looking at it seems too simple....

(On top of that what made him and others for that matter deserving of a mystery seat? It can't be just because you can commit murder, idk my brain is rotting at this point I'm not gonna debate on this now it's besides the point).

1.2 What is the black hole? Again.

Ok so, I need to make a pause and go back to the first theory because I just come up with this new addition out of the blue, while my brain rotted.

Basically I think this black hole (aka bad supernatural) could be connected with the kannagis (sacrifices), and maybe that's why it was able to appear in the house without a rumor. I wasn't too sure if it's a supernatural or not because it doesn't seems to follow the same "rules" as the other supernaturals I've known so far. And why I think it's connected with the sacrifices/kannagis? Is because, well, I think these images look similar

And also because this "bad supernatural" is later referred to as "the curse of the red house" and Katakuri said something interesting in these panels.

"We become beings who only exist to curse the living"

So idk, maybe I'll just call it a curse at this point now. Guess I just discarded the third theory by myself now lol.

However, it's still not clear why this thing cursed the yugi house? And why it sacrificed Tsukasa? (And how's he able to see it?). At this point I think these brothers are being used/played by something.

There's something more I wanted to talk about but for now I think this is enough.

#I'm too lazy to check for spell mistakes...#tbhk #jbhk #toilet bound hanako kun #tsukasa yugi #yugi tsukasa #taging tsukasa just because

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katedrakeohd · 4 years ago

Text

A Very Merry Birthday (6)

[Masterlist]

Rated: Mature 18+

(3 🍋s on fire, because we're talking threesome here.)

Characters involved: (TRH)Drake & Kate Walker, Preston Davis the bodyguard.

Content warning: Sexual situations (dubcon, masturbation, threesome), swearing, angst, fluff.

Word count: 6000+ (buckle up, get your popcorn and prefered beverage ready)

Prompts included: From Wacky Drabbles- ( they appear bolded in story, but not necessarily in order)

#82 - I didn't realize I needed your permission.

#84 - Just keep moving.

#85 - Do you want me to leave?

Tagging:

@darley1101 @sfb123 @mom2000aggie @fluffyfirewhiskey @jovialyouthmusic @sirbeepsalot @kingliam2019 @no-one-u-know @nikkis1983 @glaimtruelovealways @texaskitten30 @bbrandy2002 @marshmallowsandfire

Drake leaves Preston alone in his room to get changed. Standing in the silence of the hallway all he could hear and feel were the sound of his blood rushing through his ears and the thud of his heart in his chest and throat.

Being alone with Kate was his favourite way to spend an evening, and now he had invited another man over to participate. He was still unsure how this night was going to go. The thought of watching his wife touching another man in a sensual way was outside of his comfort zone. He had to trust Kate to not take this too far. He also had to keep himself from wanting to murder Preston for taking pleasure out of touching and kissing his wife. And somehow he had to find pleasure of his own if he was to perform adequately to please Kate. Fuck, this feels all kinds of wrong.

He sees Preston come out of his room with his hair combed, dressed in trousers, but in bare feet. Drake gives him a wry grin and runs his fingers back through his own hair to fix it. Preston's rakish good looks were already exaggerated by the thickness of his mustache and the scruff of his stubble, making Drake feel less masculine with his shaven cheeks and neatly trimmed hair. He suddenly understood how Maxwell felt about Drake showing off his chest hair at the beach, or when he rolled up his sleeves to do a strenuous task. Drake's stomach was suddenly in knots and he wished he had some whiskey to take the edge off his nerves. He doesn't know what to say to the mountain of a man standing next to him, so he just acknowledges him with a nod and then knocks at his hotel room door.

"You don't have your key?" Preston asks, keeping his voice low.

Drake shakes his head, speaking softly, "No, I gave it to her."

From the other side of the door they can hear Kate ask with a playful sing song tone of voice, "Who is it?"

Drake leans against the doorframe and then says, "Room service."

The door opens and Kate looks them over with a smile on her face, "Hello."

Drake grins, "I believe you ordered the two for one entertainment special."

Kate steps back to allow them to come into the room. "Yes, yes I did. Come on in."

After Kate closes the door behind them there's a brief awkward moment as the two men glance at each other and then toward Kate expectantly. With a gentle smile, Kate walks over to Drake and stretches up on her toes to give him a kiss on the cheek. He wraps his arm around her back to hug her to his side and she rests her hand on his cheek, whispering in his ear.

"You've done well, my love. Why don't you go off to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and freshen up a bit while I talk privately with Preston for a moment?"

Drake looks quickly to Preston and then lets go of Kate, keeping his voice low, "Are you sure? Maybe I should stay."

Patting him gently on the chest, she grins, "Don't worry. We'll be fine. I'm not going to start anything while you're gone."

Drake looks between Kate and Preston, trying to fight the uneasy feeling in his gut. Walking over to the bed he keeps an eye on them as he sits down to take off his shoes and socks. "No funny business, Preston. I know very well how irresistible Kate can be."

Preston smirks at him, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I promise to keep my hands to myself, sir."

"Good."

After Drake disappears into the bathroom, Preston breathes a sigh of relief, relaxing a little. "Is he always like this?"

Kate grins at the bodyguard, leading him further into the room. "Drake's complicated."

She sits down on the end of the bed and he settles down into the comfortable armchair opposite.

"Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"

Kate shrugs, crossing her legs and arranging her skirt around her knees. "You can ask."

"What's it like to be married to a guy like him?"

"It's interesting, sometimes infuriating, definitely intense, and absolutely incredible."

Preston chuckles, "That's a lot of 'I' words to describe someone."

Kate glances toward the bathroom, wondering how much Drake can overhear.

"Trust me, Drake's the whole alphabet. The only drawback is that he just won't shut up about his feelings."

Preston chuckles again, "Good one. I know I have some 'a' words to describe him too. But I'll keep those to myself."

Kate nods, "Considering that he's your boss, I think that's smart. I want to apologize again for hurting you. I was afraid if I hadn't stopped things that Drake might have hurt you worse."

Preston looks down at his lap, "You could have just slapped my face again."

"Yeah, I know. So are you still sore?"

Preston leans forward in his seat, resting his elbows on his knees, "A little tender, there will probably be bruising tomorrow, but not my first time taking a hit to the groin."

Kate appraises him over again, lifting her eyebrow, "So you've gotten handsy with an unwilling date before? You don't strike me as that kind of guy, Preston."

He shakes his head, "Nah, nah. I've just been dumb enough to play backyard sports without a cup."

Drake returns from the bathroom, "Oh yeah? What kind of sports did you play?"

Kate interrupts before Preston can answer, "Don't tell me you two would rather discuss sports, than play with me. If so, I'll just send Preston back to his room and you two can chitchat on the drive home tomorrow."

Drake shakes his head, placing his hands on his hips, "No, after all the trouble I went through to get him here, I'd rather see what kind of play you have in mind."

Kate glances between her two men with a smile, "Before we play we need to set some rules."

"Ok," Preston says, sitting back in his chair.

Drake nods, "But, don't forget about my stipulation that I brought up earlier."

"Which is?" Preston wants to know.

Kate sighs giving Preston an apologetic look, "Drake insisted that no part of you was allowed inside of any part of me."

Preston frowns, "That kind of reduces any sort of fun for me in this situation doesn't it?"

Drake folds his arms across his chest, "Well yeah, sorry to burst your bubble but I'm just trying to protect my marital relationship here. I don't want this, whatever it turns out to be, jeopardizing my marriage by turning into some future affair between you two."

"You know I'm the one who is supposed to be in charge here right? One night of fun isn't going to ruin anything. Trust me, Drake." Kate insists. "We've already been over this."

Preston digs into the pocket of his trousers, pulling out a foil condom packet, "And if you're that worried about what might happen in the heat of the moment, I did bring protection."

"See? There you go, Drake. He came prepared. Now let's get this party started. And as the Duchess in Charge, I am deciding our party games."

"Sexual party games, seriously?" Drake grumbles, rolling his eyes.

Kate gets up from the bed, "Oh come on, Mr. Crankypants. I know you'll enjoy them, and besides I'll be explaining how we play each game as we go."

"Mr. Crankypants. I bet you were a barrel of laughs at birthday parties when you were a kid," Preston laughs.

Drake shoots him an angry glare, and Preston smirks back at him, "Speaking of name calling, that brings up an issue. If she's directing the action, I need to know how I'm supposed to acknowledge you both. In my job I use, 'Your Grace, Sir, and Ma'am.' And I don't know if that works here, considering how intimate we're all about to be."

Drake breathes an annoyed sigh, jabbing his thumb in Preston's direction as he addresses his wife, "If I hear him saying your name in any sort of passionate or seductive way I'm seriously going to lose it. I'll kill him with my bare hands."

"Ok, fine. To safeguard Preston's life, and my husband's precious ego, I'll allow Preston to call me 'K'. Is that neutral enough?"

Drake nods and so does Preston.

"And so he'll be 'D' then?"

Kate shrugs, "Works for me, but I'm still using both your proper names."

Drake folds his arms, "Ok, so what's happening first?"

"We undress of course, and I'm hoping neither of you are shy. Because I want you and Preston to undress each other. But I want everyone to keep their underoos on for now."

Drake sticks his hand in his pocket, grabbing a handful of Kate's panties. "Um, but you aren't wearing yours."

Preston swallows, "Sh..she's not?"

Drake pulls the lacy undergarment out of his pocket, "Nope. I took these off of her earlier."

Kate holds her hand out, "I'll take them back now."

He dangles them off his finger and then drops them into her hand. "So who is the lucky guy that gets to put them back on you?"

"The first guy down to his underwear gets to slide mine back on, but here's the catch, the other guy gets to take my dress off of me," Kate says with a grin.

Preston pushes himself up out of the chair, an amused twinkle in his eye and a smile tugging at his mouth, "So one of us gets to touch you from the top down, while the other gets to touch you from the bottom up? I like how you play games K. Fun for everybody."

Drake steps forward to place his hand on Preston's arm, "Curb your enthusiasm there, cowboy."

Preston shakes his arm out of Drake's grasp. "If you're gonna get grabby then help me out of my clothes, D."

Drake turns to face Preston, staring him down as he untucked his dress shirt. The olive that Kate threw at him earlier falls out and bounces off Preston's foot. He looks down, "Is that an olive?"

"Don't ask," Drake mutters, undoing the buttons on the cuff of his sleeve, "I'm gonna help you out here, since you're dressed a lot more casually than I am."

Preston laughs, grabbing Drake by the sleeve to stop him from undressing further, "Hey, stop cheating. I'm supposed to do that for you."

Drake looks down at Preston's simple t-shirt and dress pants, and sees that he isn't wearing a belt. Damn, I want to be the one putting her panties on. Maybe if I take my time he'll get me down to my underwear first. Shit, that means he gets to touch her first. Damn you Kate. You're determined to piss me off with these party games.

Kate twirls her panties around her finger, "Come on you two, get with the baring of skin already. Don't make me take this dress off myself."

"I can't believe I'm doing this," Drake mutters, as he undoes the button on Preston's dress pants and then plucks at the fabric of his shirt to untuck it.

"Watch it there, D... I'm ticklish," Preston smirks as he works on the last two buttons of Drake's shirt.

"Shut up, Preston," Drake grumbles, as he hears Kate giggle.

"I didn't know watching two guys undress could be so entertaining. Keep going."

Preston undoes Drake's belt and dress pants next, staring him in the eye as he pulls down the zipper. "Lemme guess, your underwear are black too."

With a frown, Drake brushes Preston's hands aside. "Hands up, Meathead. I'm gonna pull up your shirt."

Preston's protest is muffled by Drake's yanking of his shirt up toward his head. "Hey, the name calling isn't necessary. And ouch, you pinched me."

Drake makes sure to mess up Preston's hair as he tugs the shirt off of him and tosses it aside.

"Hah, you're just jealous of my hair," Preston laughs as he brushes his back into place with his fingers.

Drake barks back, "Hardly, and your mustache looks ridiculous."

Preston shrugs, "Whatever you say, babyface."

"Hey! I'm fully capable of growing whatever beard I want. I just chose to shave before my date, and get a haircut. I..I wanted to look good for Kate," Drake argues, catching his wife's eye briefly, and then squaring off in front of his bodyguard again.

"No arguments here, Honey, but you're still overdressed. Preston, be a dear and even the playing field by taking off my husband's shirt. Then you'll see he has no trouble in the hair department."

Preston unbuttons the cuff on Drake's other sleeve and then peels back his shirt, letting it slide down his arms to the floor. Drake places his hands on his hips. The motion, combined with

the weight of his belt and the phone in his pocket makes his dress pants fall down around his ankles. "Whoops, looks like I'm down to my underwear first."

Preston turns toward Kate, "He did that on purpose."

While Drake steps out of his pants, Kate shrugs and tosses her panties at him. "Here you go."

Drake tucks the edge of the lacy waistband into his mouth, mumbling as he relieves Preston of his pants, shoving them down over his ass. "There..ffinsh the rest of tht yrself."

Slipping Kate's panties over his wrist, Drake steps over to his wife. "Before I hand you off to him, and I'm forced to watch as he strips you naked, I want something first."

Kate licks her lips as he reaches up to cup her face in his hands, tilting her head back. "Oh, and what's that?"

As he leans in for a kiss the firm pressure of his mouth against hers almost hurts, making her whimper. He was determined to remind her that no matter how Preston touched her, he was the most important man in her life. When he finally pulls back, her lips are tingling.

He whispers a soft apology against her cheek when he sees her pained expression, "I'm sorry. Just please promise me something."

"What?" She whispers back, as he leans his forehead against hers, softly stroking her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Make sure he asks your permission before he touches you anywhere. If he's rough with you in any way I'll never forgive myself."

Stepping back, he sees her nod. "Okay," she whispers.

Turning away he glares at Preston, "She's all yours, but I'm warning you that I'm watching your every move. If I see your hands treating her with anything but the greatest of respect, I'll break your fingers and then I'll break your face. Understood?"

Preston nods, "Yes, understood. I promise to be as gentle as possible."

"Good. Oh and Preston?"

"Yeah?" He asks, as he steps out of his pants. His heart threatened to burst out of his chest, it was pounding so hard.

"Make sure she enjoys every second of it."

…

Drake's underwear weren't black afterall, they were blue. Preston's were grey. Kate's were black silk and lace. Drake was currently running them through his hands, and occasionally wrapping them around his fist. He watched Preston approach Kate, hoping he'd chicken out, or at least trip and fall on his big mustached face. His feet were big enough, but no such bad luck. Staring at Preston's back, with its broad shoulders and defined muscles made him feel small. Glancing down at the other man's large hands, he felt an ache in his gut over the thought of them being capable of touching Kate with tenderness. The way Kate's eyes traveled over Preston as he smiled at her, made Drake feel sick. He didn't want to watch Preston undress his wife, but at the same time he couldn't look away. He knew the satiny fabric of her dress wouldn't need much encouragement to slide down off of her, and after being tempted all evening by how great she'd looked in it; he was just as eager as Preston to see her naked.

Kate sized up Preston as he stood before her. Physically he wasn't much taller than Drake, barely an inch, but his posture was straighter. He seemed to tower over Kate, and her line of sight was mostly filled by the wall of his chest covered nipple to nipple by a golden mat of curly chest hair. When she looked up, his lip curled upward in a smirk, making his mustache twitch.

"I'm going to touch you Preston, are you okay with that?"

He sucks in a nervous breath and nods, "If it means I get to touch you back, then go right ahead."

Kate tries not to focus on the significant bulge in his underwear as she looks down, but it wasn't easy. She wasn't going to touch him there, not yet. She starts by stroking her fingers slowly up his arms beginning at his wrists. His fingers twitch, and she can't help noticing his chest rising and falling as his rate of breathing increases.

"If you're affected this badly when I touch your arms, then what's going to happen if I touch you somewhere else?"

"I..I..don't know."

The amount of meat on his limbs was slightly more than Drake's but it was definitely more muscle than fat. Kate knew Drake's measurements off by heart because she helped him pick out his suits. If Preston were to put on Drake's clothes by accident, one flex of his muscles would split the seams.

When Kate's hands make there way up to rest on his shoulders, his hands are still hanging by his sides. She pouts up at him and the desire in his eyes as he gazes back is obvious.

"What's the matter Preston, don't you want me?" Kate asks, lowering her lashes and then slowly looking up to search his face.

His eyes widen momentarily in surprise at the unexpected seduction she was laying on him, "Is that a trick question?"

"No."

"You're either trying to kill me, or get me killed, asking me something like that."

"Well, answer the question."

Continues here ..>

#drake walker #choices #long post #drake x kate #henry cavill as preston davis #tw: dubcon

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dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram · 4 years ago

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Nick Jonas doubled down on his stance as a straight ally after queer baiting accusations, even though I've heard firsthand he's closeted. He's someone who I doubt will ever "come out" (he's also in a PR marriage).With the way H has navigated his closet more recently, being more explicit in his attraction to men while also confirming Camille as an ex-gf, and the way he has not clarified his stance as a straight ally, despite some similar criticism, I wonder what that means. I do find the way 1/3

fandom has always framed the end-all-be-all as this big coming out, but I've never found that useful. I still think that there is a large possibility that will never happen. If Harry or Louis ever come out, it would not be to confirm "Larry is real" and this also negates the fact that so many celebs go their whole life without ever coming out of the closet, and I don't think it's against their will. I just find people in the fandom love to speculate on when they will come out and how they 2/3

will do it as if it's inevitable, and I just don't see it that way at all. I'm not sure if you've discussed your thoughts on if/how HL would ever come out, but I would love to hear them if you have any. 3/3

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There’s a lot here anon - and I’ll try and say a little bit about what I think.

The first thing to understand the current environment for celebrities coming out. Celebrities are coming out more than they used to, but they tend to be younger and not to have actively performed heterosexuality as part of being in the closet. The effect of this has been to erase any structural elements of the closet. Coming out is presented as an individual choice, as opposed to something that is mandated by structures of power within the industries involved.

The last person I can think of who publicly performed heterosexuality and then came out was Kristen Stewart. But she’s never denied her past - it just sits there and people can believe what they want about it.

What hasn’t happened for a while (and I’d be interested if anyone can think of any examples) is someone saying ‘I’m gay and the story I was telling about myself before was a lie’. Ricky Martin is the last person I can think about who came out, and made it clear that the relatioship history he had told publicly wasn’t true (this is leaving out people who were clearly outted like Phillip Schofield).

That’s a very tricky envrionment for Harry and Louis to navigate if they’re together and want to come out. It would be possible I think for them to tell a story that didn’t present everything about their dating life as a lie (definitely possible for Harry and with enough lead time also possible for Louis). But trying to do that would be high risk, because lots of people won’t believe it - and will talk about how they don’t believe it - and there’s a risk of journalists runnig aritcles about why they won’t believe it.

But things won’t necessarily stay as they are now. Celebrity changes and the experieces of being a public LGBTQ person change. It maybe that in five years time celebrities are much more able to expose the nature of the celebrity closet in the 2010s. We live in an incredibly unstable time - the idea that we can predict what will happen in the short term is absurd - the medium term is unthinkable. And there are all sorts of ways that current events could ricochet and create a different environment for LGBTQ celebrities.

We don’t know what they want, we don’t know how they see this, and I try really hard not to pretend that I do know. But when thinking about whether they might come out - it’s useful to think about things that they might want that would be difficult if they remained in the closet.

First, I may be wrong about this, but I think Louis will struggle to be an interesting popstar in the closet. And in the current environment you gotta be interesting to get any traction.

Second, I think it’s very difficult for them to have children together, if they don’t come out. If either of them were with someone non famous, or even someone famous where the relationship was under a little bit less surveillance, then there are all sorts of possibilities to have kids. But if they stayed together long term, I think they’d have to choose (certainly if either of them was living a public life of any sort).

Finally, it may be the circles we move in (I have quite a restricted dash), but I don’t see a lot of discussion of coming out on my dash. What I saw instead - was large parts of fandom turning on a dime. When it became untenable for those with a grasp on music industry contracts to argue that they were closeted entirely because of their contracts. I suddenly saw lots of arguments about privacy and their desire for privacy across my dash. I think it’s very obvious that they have reclaimed a lot of privacy. But I think it’s a huge leap to claim that that’s the reason that they haven’t come out, partiucularly when there’s a much more obvious answer.

I’m a materialist girl, and so I am going to look at what’s going on financially first, and there’s a huge amount of money on the line for Harry’s career. I think it’s unfortunate that fandom refuses to discuss that, because I think the implications of that refusal are quite fucked up. I think there’s a reasonably strong belief that it wouldn’t be OK that Harry is closeted, because a huge part of his audience is invested in a romantic fantasy boyfriend version of him. And that’s why people don’t talk about the extremely obvious, because they don’t want to acknowledge it. But I think that ends up blaming LGBTQ people for their oppression. If society cuts off opportunities for queer entertainers if they come out (which it does), the problem there is society. And I think it’s really homophobic to suggest that there are wrong ways of navigating the closet.

Ultimately I don’t think the line of question you focus on - how should fans talk about their closet in the future - is a particularly useful one. Thefuture was always unknowable, and feels much more unknowable than ever right now. We don’t know what Harry or Louis’ short, medium, or long term plans are. Or what might change so they end up living completely different lives from what they imagine. I think there is a lot to say about the closet in the present (and their recent past), there’s no need to suggest we know what 2025, let alone 2035 will look like (or not look like).

#One thing that becomes really obvious #whe you think about the situation a bit #is how much #it's harder on every level #because they're together #both coming out #and staying in the closet #would be much easier #for both of them as an individual #than it is for them as a couple #Anonymous

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marias-studyblr · 6 years ago

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Hi I've always been behind others when it comes to school and I don't know how to catch up and continue to do well at learning new things. I don't have good study habits or time management skills, which frustrates me. My grades are subpar, I feel insecure when people talk about things I should know but don't and I love languages and have other hobbies I want to do, but I can't find the time to do them, or if I do have time I avoid them. Basically, I'm struggling and I don't know what to do.

hello love! 💛 this message was so heartfelt and honest, i’m proud of you. i’m going to try and answer the best i can!

so the first thing I want to say straight off the bat is: it’s possible for you to improve. you are not inferior to others: you can be alongside your peers. it is possible for you to become more disciplined with your time and have better grades.

it might seem like a simple concept but it’s difficult to grasp if you are not completely confident in your shoes… it’s not enough to know that your grades aren’t where they should be. that is an important first step, but an equally important step is to know you are not inferior to others because of it. whatever is going on, you can find a way around to be in the place you’ve always wanted to be. to be proud and confident in your change and growth! and that is difficult to actually feel in your heart. what you need is all already there in your head. you need to trust yourself!

these are a few things you may already know but might consider putting into practice:

do not stand still. even if you are terribly behind, DO NOT FREEZE. even if it’s not perfect or how you wanted it to be, keep studying what you can. (nothing’s ever perfect btw but) even if you can only cover 70% of the content, if you stop, it will be way worse.

you say yourself you have poor study habits and time management! my friend, that is the root of ALL your problems. students who have good grades always have their hours on track. it’s the way you can find your momentum, review what you’ve learned in class, memorize your notes - because you have the time and your routine set. that is SO important. if you don’t make the time to study, then you won’t reach your goals, it’s crystal clear! if well done, this will change your game completely:

create a study schedule, a schedule that isn’t impossible or irrealistic. devote time to study, sleep, exercise, off hours.

self discipline tips

and while you’re studying, actually study: how to study smart

🌒 now, in an academic environment, everyone seems really worried about three things: grades, grades and grades. and if you don’t feel like yours fit a certain standard, then you must be a ‘bad’ student. some days i need to take a step back, to understand that what matters is me, no one else.

we feel jealous and scared, we let that blind us to what is really happening inside, to why we are letting ourselves slack. we close to change by not recognizing what is underneath our behavior. it’s easy to think: “i’m just a lazy person”. but what is really going on? you know you don’t have good study habits or time management, you know you need to create a study schedule, you know you need to stop standing still, so what is really going on? why are you letting yourself slack off and beat yourself up in silence while still pursuing the same old same old habits?

without recognizing that, you won’t understand why you’re struggling, why you’re not letting yourself live your best life. you need to recognize those feelings to be able to cope with them and move forward, with better habits and better mental health.

from my own experience, i’ve recognized those feelings that stop my game sometimes, and i understand why they came around, reflecting on my childhood, etc. and what i noticed, which was a really important distinction for me, was that i’m not a lazy person. i can have lazy moments, that’s normal, but i’m not a lazy person. i tend to work hard. however, i often approach problems the wrong way. there is sometimes a mental block, or a “wall” as i like to imagine it that has been/i’ve built around myself, from insecurities, self-doubt, anxiety, fear, that locks me to gravitate towards unhealthy habits naturally and keeps me away from the things i actually should be doing.

it takes a moment to get ourselves in a healthy mindset, to stop sabotaging ourselves, to get that wall down and start living our lives the way we know we can, do the things the way we know we should. because it doesn’t take much mental strength to do 5 minutes of duolingo every day, it’s really not that hard. it does take force and discipline to keep yourself in a healthy mindset and not let your day be governed by fears, insecurities, and finally STOP waiting and start doing.

we are very very very capable and smart! and we have so many opportunities. we’re not any less inferior than those who are already doing it. so what are we waiting for?

🌱if we are not applying these habits that we know we should do and we know are possible for us, if there’s some feeling or insecurity we need to let go of, we need to force ourselves out of our comfort zone and ask ourselves: why aren’t you studying right now? why aren’t you following this schedule? what’s stopping you?

at the end of the day, our daily routine, our daily schedule is up to us! our habits are the reason we aren’t doing better. we decide how much time we spend in front of the tv. we decide if our body is worthy enough of a few minutes of exercise or good sleep. we decide that! if you are making the wrong decisions, it’s up to you to revert that, you are in full control. and that’s good news! ⭐

i would love you to have a drive and motivation that reach way beyond your academic life, that reach your whole life! because that will make you very happy and very accomplished. it is your actions that dictate your success, but only your thoughts about yourself can truly bring you the motivation and the happiness that will, in turn, give you a successful life.

✨🍃 so, i urge you to take time today to reflect on why you might have this wall built around you and try to bring it down, by recognizing your self-worth, your importance, your strength. to take time to reflect on why it is important for you to have good grades, to find success.

to take a few minutes to build a schedule for your day, to steer away from distractions, and reflect on what thoughts don’t help you and what thoughts do and will motivate you start implementing small changes in your lifestyle!!

maybe you need to spend healthy time alone away from social media from time to time, unplug and look around, maybe you need to sleep more, exercise more, to feel more energized. all these small changes will really benefit you, so i encourage you to try them out.

and to keep working on yourself. keep going back to the why’s whenever you feel yourself going off your track, but for yourself, not for your parents, not for your teachers - for yourself. things will never be perfect to start, you have to start with what you have and slowly you will build the person you wish to be. slowly, yes, little by little, yes, softly, yes, but it has to start now!

no matter if you’ve failed before, no matter if you’ll fail again, no matter what it is you are exactly afraid of, i guarantee you, there is nothing simpler and more beautiful than start listening to what you want, to what you have to say. you know the answers, you know what you have to do, so listen and start taking action! it’s imperative that you start taking yourself seriously, that you start acting like you know what you want for yourself. because you do!

🌹 it’s ok to be assertive, to be confident in yourself, to display the hard work, to let yourself know you are trying and being vulnerable to failure, but progressing! always progressing!

i will leave you with the thought that change will happen forever if you are open to it. it takes time to grow, but you’re doing it right now, and you will continue to do it so much so that one day you will look back and see how much you’ve accomplished, as long as you are open and believe in/ are ready for change!

i hope this helped even a little bit.? 💓 i love you, please know you are not alone in your feelings. so many people can relate to your insecurities, to your doubts about your work and the future. let’s focus on our growth, on our happiness, and from the inside out we will show it! all change starts from within!

KEEP FIGHTING we are all here with you trying too! 💌🙌 lots of love your way 🍃💕

#answered #studyblr #advice

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