#ok i guess ppl know what my face looks like now lol

[moralesluvr]

GABIIIII you should totally totally totally do it face reveal!!! If youre comfy ofc!!! Hoping your doing well 💕

hi angel ! honestly i’ve thought about it and why not, however i will be deleting this in the morning lmao !!

anyways goodnight !!

[juliusxxxxxx]

hallo.hi.*tap tap*so…um.that's it.im here, just like what i said before,Right?:)

firstly, i must to say im really glad for u to finish this fic.congratulations!u continued to write this for one year and didn't abandon,this is an achievement!

Then,i really like this story how to connect the each characters in it.just like, this thing and that thing looks like totally different, but finally they connect with each other (like Scott knew Pearl and joel knew etho etc. In this fic's set, it is incredible but they just kenw each other and some story happened)maybe the best example i can remember is The Miracles of the Namiya General Store（idk do u read this book before but this is the best just i said.if u dont thats fine actually just let us omit it）so the whole story' s development is in a comfortable rhythm.we meet mumbo, kill hermes then to visit joel.it is reasonable.

What's more,the characterization is really really good.not only included it our mainly couple scar and grian, but it also reflects in others like mumbo,etho,bdubs(although he appeared so late)and joel.Just like,every events happened on them and the way you describe them is really suit on them.

ok its 2am again (why again) let me make it short(not short completely).i wanna know what's the meaning of jimmy's death, actually,the first time i saw this i was really dont understand lol.after i watch the final chapter grian and joel's conversation, i guess the reason is grian just fling and murder one of his best friends who complained with him to go through the rough period to keep himself and especially scar alive??like love makes ppl lost or grian didn't lost he just chose scar.maybe.i really dont know.

And i wanna know more about what was going on before the story,like grian,joel, pearl and Scott or something.i mean,although i can piece them together from ppls conversation,its still not a complete thing in my opinion?but if this is the effect u wanna show that's fine.

This is all,temporary maybe, or this is the end.i really don't know.so ok its 2:30 i must to sleep right now and forgive my broken grammar and spell,something.Eng also is not my first language lol.tbh,i really incredible eng is not yours first and you still can write so talented work.

i really wrote so much didn't i? lol maybe this is my first time to write so much words ljke this.anyway,good night <3

Hi sorry I went to sleep super early yesterday!

Thank you for liking THT first of all! Haha yeah its definitely an achievement isn't it <3 I haven't written anything this long before.

I loved the process of giving the characters connections with each other when I was doing the planning. It made them all feel like real people with lives outside the story of the main pairing. I'm glad you mentioned the works of Keigo Higashiro since I was a fan for many of his works. I haven't read Namiya, tho. Maybe I’ll find the time to read it since I heard it’s a more cozier one comparing to his other works?

For Jimmy’s unfortunate demise, here’s my own interpretation (please feel free to draw your own one! I’m just the author haha):

Yes. The most straightforward answer is, Grian had to kill him to save Scar and himself from Joel. Or it's just what he told himself to justify the murder. He tried to argue and be reasonable with Tim first as how he usually did, but was totally enthralled in rage once Tim started questioning his sanity, which was the one thing that he couldn't face at the point of the story.

Like in a later chapter he confessed the true reason he committed the murder was because Jimmy was pitying him. It was a crime of passion, no matter how he hard tried to justify it other wise. It was only after he had to admit this bitter fact to himself, that's when he had the courage to face the fact he was responsible for his sister's death, too.

Also, a crime of passion just added to the cycle of violence he almost fell into, isn't it. That concept also had some connection to the last scene, when he decided to spare Bdub’s life as he was being reminded what violence could only lead to, which was eating away the connections you built with the world, little by little.

The story before THT—I’ll try to describe it in the form of a timeline.

Before 1932: most of the characters were still kids. Etho and Cleo got married after they met each other in college. Etho was working as an engineer while Cleo stepped into the position of a high-priestess and became highly politically engaged in the brewing conflict.

1932-1941: The bad boys lost their formal homes and were forced to live on their own in the form of a gang. Pearl was fine with it and went alone. Bdub and Scar was adopted by Cleo and formed the Clockers. Cleo stepped into the position of a general. Etho spent most of the years in and out of Atlantis as an operative, gathering information on weaponry during wartime, eventually betraying Cleo as he grew bonds with Tango, Impluse and Skizz. Bdub showed talents in becoming an operative while Scar was an executor for anyone Cleo wasn't so fond of, both Stareusians and Gorgonians. After murdering Cleo near the end of the war, Scar and Bdub fleed to Starseus. At beginning, their goal was to find Etho in seeking of support.

1942-1951: The bad boys were still a gang until the car crash happened. Joel left the gang and moved to Stratosport, met Lizzie and her family. Grian and Jimmy continued to collaborate in Arcford as a thief and a dealer. Gem and Scott both worked at Stratosport PD as colleagues. Gem got a job in the federal agency. Scott continued to work as a detective but moved away from Stratos to Arcford when Joel and Lizzie stepped into power and rendered the formal PD useless. Doc moved to Starseus from a foreign country. Mumbo was Doc’s grad student and got his degree with Doc as his advisor. Realizing Etho’s betrayal was well-planned and he showed no remorse for his action, the brothers tried to find another way of living. Bdub eventually grew tired of the life of violence and decided to pursue a career in art.

Here’s everything I can think of at the moment. Feel free to ask me if something isn't clear!

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

wild blue yonder

the tardis can regenerate itself...... !!! I mean, wait we knew that already kjhkjh but I just connected the dots now that... that means The Time Lords mined and mauled the child just to make their cars better, as well. Damn...

in classic who u used to have to use ur imagination to pretend everything wasn’t a wobbly set... now u have to use ur imagination to pretend everything isn’t a greenscreen :/

"is that who i am now?" the shocking thing isn’t that he is gay (that’s what donna interprets) the shock to himself is voicing how horny he is lol

Someone is gonna say gravity and that's gonna be fucking weird

"it would take trillion years to get that far” chills!

"no one is ever been this far. till us. and this ship" colonialism fiction dna shining thru

“you little streak” <3

"she'll move on" "not shaun, he'll go to that alleyway every year..." \ten at the alleyway to see rose parallel....

Ghost aroma!!!

blue and orange motif....…………… 13 aesthetic moments.... [13 and Swarm coded? / aka entropy/life coded?/donna and the doc...]

“maybe there's a tribe and they worship it… (…) time passes and the city falls... and there's the tardis" beautiful!! I'm could do somth w/ re: w/ the doctor and their companions. (eyes emoji)

"it got complicated" UNDERSTATEMENT OF A CENTURY #2

"The notion of shape is strange." "it limits" literally current architecture theory

This is so nofna solar system-core

love a classic “anti matter hates matter” story

[the no-bodies…?....cousins to the the could have been king ... with his army of never wheres…?]

This feels very [doctor trying to figure out their body in each regeneration] [intentionally?] this is so end of evangelion poster-core

"it’s strange enough my face coming back, but not this big" / [metaphor for reboots?]

This episode is like the clamoring for us to get a castrovalva 2 escher-like world again next season

"that's not gonna work either" i love these idiots

"why does it have to be one last trip?" rtd ringing moffat / gatiss / gardner / etc and being like like -

ok but follow this reasoning: if the doctor is the same person bc they keep their memories (as the show makes a point of.... constantly) ... and if the memories make the person ... then indeed an entity that copies the memories is the same person, is it not? Where do we draw the line between who’s “real” and who isn’t, in this scenario?

A CREATION I DEVASTATED / literally watched WoM two seconds before this w/ ten all "everything i do just makes it happen" sdjsdkf this is what i mean when i say the doctor has never Processed anythingggg since that Bottom Pit moment

"it wasn't your fault" "i know! (but it stil sucks!!!)" me at therapy like

"WHY DOES HE NEED YOU?" me, Pavlovian tone: because he is lonely...

“when something is gone, it keeps existing” → highlight this!!!! this is gonna be the new thesis statement about Grief!!! this is gonna be The Point for the next 4 years lol

It's very fun to watch this after marath6ning all of ten's era bc it's like... that boy never processed any of that shit. did 11 process shit? did 12? 12 maybe a little but really i think they just got even more trauma (bill ): ) dkdksks and don't get me started on 13. basically what im saying is the doctor Never did get a break on between waters of mars up until now... [and i guess to go further never did get a break after since like....... freaking ghost light skskskskkjkj seven is still There. we don't think about that enough.]

Donna being a clone fucker is not a headcanon ever thought i had but im glad its been confirmed now "donma doesn't think she"s stupid" im sure rtd has launched this exact same rant on so some unwilling family members while browsing ao3 "stop copying and make up your own minds" social commentary / commentary on reboots again / core "individualism > society" dr. who 101 messaging

The not things are kinda.... cute? skdksk if they weren't murderous they look like ppl to hang out w/ and play videogames......

"what do you want?" "you tell us" fundamental doctor-companion dialogue....

"love letters don't travel very far" put a pin on that...

ok.... ARGHGHGHH LET ME THINK THINK THINK skskks me failing at CBT be like

What if the doctor is from our universe. what then the doctor being like we have to mill ourselves immediately feels very 13

this is like "what if turn left and midnight but they go through it together this time <3" fic "where the walls are thin and anything is possible" eyes emoji

"that copy was 99% donna" so maybe re:earlier... what the show is saying between copy vs real is that it's all about the x factor, the 1%....

CONCLUSIONS! lived up to the hype! i think it's a bit 13-era vibe in that it's clearly influenced by all the prestige space-base-isolation scifi we see in the ~cinema now every year. the aesthetic is hitting that vibe (and going to the root, there's also a very clear Alien influence). kinda wish we had more one offs just like this one :( bc i feel the other 2 specials have too much Work to do, so there's not enough time to do.Fun like lore and character stuff. Execution wise is very successful. the switcheroos work. the callbacks work. there's a lot of character stuff happening ("I just realized I'm still working through that!") but it doesn't interfere w/ the adventure itself. My one grip is there's a couple shots that do feel too green-screen-y, but overall the ep is visually amazing. def only a story you could do now. also I love that the NMDs were like "rtd is gonna retcon the timeless child!!! everyone hated it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he was like "cool. now watch this" lollll king moments. rare moments where it feels like we live in the best timeline.

[timothylawrence]

it saddens me so much to see shity posts abt will being supposedly out of pocket when talking abt his new appearance in front of tieflings when. first of all knowing his story this is never about tieflings and not meant in a mean spirited way to anyone but himself. and secondly this is a person whos sense of self worth is literally little to none because of everything that happened with ulder and mizora when he was a kid. wyll feels so much guilt over existing just as "wyll" that he doesnt really see anything worthwhile about just being "wyll ravengard" and thus is always trying to overcompensate for (in his head) not being the "perfect son" or the "perfect hero" and puts himself in danger disregarding his own well being and safety by playing the part of the Blade of the Frontiers, this larger than life hero of legend persona that he's created, both to do something about the guilt he feels ovr being only human. like theres a reason why hes always so charming and proper apart from being a genuinely nice person but i guess some ppl dont gaf abt nuance. like girl how would you react if the person whose job is to love, accept and nurture you, and who has been your personal referent your entire life REJECTED YOU AND KICKED YOU OUT AT SEVENTEEN. like girlies did we even play the same game. ulders opinion meant the world to wyll. so much so that he took on this perfect blades of the frontier persona and hid the real, human, wyll persona because he thinks that to be accepted by uldred he can be nothing short of perfect. and then mizora changes his appearance so that the proof of his pact is visible to anyone knowing how much having to look and be perfect weighs on wyll. its so unfair and sad like. wyll will be genuinely kind and accepting towards people who have more faults than him bc he recognizes the person behind the faults, but he will never give that same treatment to himself. he beats on himself so much over natural human responses bc of what ulder said to him.. girl i cant do this. his first response to not looking """proper""" as the blade of avernus is to hide from the other people at the party, even if those other people share most of the same physical traits he now posesses. he can accept and understand "weakness" and "imperfection" from other, just as long as it doesnt come from himself.. AND STILL HE IS SO SO KIND AND LOVING AND SMART AND TALENTED AND TENDER AND PRETTY AND DREAMY JUST THE WAY HE IS ok im normal now. sorry for writing this so shittily im in a rush but anyways wyll supremacy

LOL anon you got it down to a T. People chalking up Wyll being ‘angry’ about being a tiefling now like, missed the point entirely. He’s not a tiefling. He is a devil- he’s been touched by the hells and people NOTICE. Especially when you get to act three, multiple guards call Wyll out on not being a ravengard- one even calls him a devil boy!! Not to mention, his own father literally calls him a monster. He was manipulated and preyed on by a devil- his life was RUINED by a devil. Why would he be okay with being one? With being the very creature that preyed on him?

A lot of people seem to skip over Wylls relationship with his dad- he loves his father more than anything. There is no anger over Ulder kicking him out, there’s no anger over not being listened to. One of my favorite quotes in the whole franchise is from their scenes together— “everything I did, I did for Baldur’s Gate. I did for you.”

Wyll gave away his life to a devil to save Baldur’s Gate. He did this for his people but most importantly, in his own eyes, to make his father proud. And Ulder cast him out. If making a pact with a devil earned this response, why would Wyll not be scared about LOOKING like one??

Not to mention, if you play his origin, mizora states to his face that the blade of frontiers is just a persona- she taunts him abt his need to be good - to have this perfect image, to manipulate him to do her bidding (killing Karlach). She knows just as much as he does that without the blade of frontiers, he’s nothing but that scared, exiled boy.

Wylls biggest fear is not being needed, because if he’s not needed, if he’s truly alone, then there’s no use for the Blade of Frontiers.

There’s just Wyll.

[toinfinitywinning]

confident about confidence & not confident that makes sense.

*real Quick. This (G)entry might make ur head spin. Could also Title : what you think no one knew. U tried it.

I wont ask for a raise of hands. Everyone deals with it. There’s no solution, no answer. Experience & being a dumbass——>Guidance and wisdom. There are many reasons I bring up confidence. One, it’s one of those words that’s not a word …it is a State of being. you just kind of don’t know where to place it b/c well, you’re not confident of where to land w/ it and even if you were you’d be like just leave it bc i don’t have time for this. to debate confidence v confidence? again Dog-ear the page or burn it bc im not even confident about THAT. Then once and only if it’s (the whole world of confidence) placed hyper-questioning kicks in: is that where it should be? Then… be and stay? Also am I losing it? I’m not confident about that but maybe. That’s always on the agenda you never agreed to and I AM confident about that i think.

If there is one constant in My Life it’s been My back n forth relationship with confidence. I have this thought daily, truly. I’ll say to myself ok yea I’m cute…

[insert any other compliment you give yourself or even receive by others only b/c you’re actually insecure— and just like the fact you’re still sick from being healthy (Me) it doesn’t make sense so bc it doesn’t make sense just I guess get over it and carry on]

…but R u cute enough to actually be happy and okay about that or do you want to change something? Take another chiseled mirror picture flexing? And u never went to a trainer? Feel better now? But I only got 3 likes. So idk.

Er No i think I’ve figured it out. Just dont eat. Exercise 2-4 hrs a day. Weights. 100 Push-up’s. 100 Calf raises. Repeat. Twice a Day if ya can. Anything to find confidence in the material. Find Pride. Only Pride you’re good at tho is the lgbtq spectrum and recently are glad it’s a spectrum since u have no idea where you fall into it anymore bc you’re not confident and it’s completely irrelevant b/c I can live between the letters+ the rest of my Life— that’s fine. Any of which could be foreshadowing of any category of Illness to come. But yea Now that you’re sick…you gotta trash your other Pride AGAIN b/c you can’t do anything without help.

10, 9, 8…my Tourette’s R throttled.

Then lately, aka the past 2 years—I can make the cute comment, i like my sun freckles and My eyes. My baby hairs when i wear a hat backwards. My smile. Just dont smile where you look fat or have a dbl chin bc you worked too hard to get all that weight off and how would that look if you just got fat again? Pitiful and weak and a fraud. Going back on your word b/c anything I declare Online is binding. So just Show some of your body in pics but not all so people dont think youre trying NOT to be totally honest with internet fame but so you still look confident. but as for doing anything about it…physically can’t now b/c trying to get better is not a good idea bc of POTS and Pppunishment for trying to be in shape but oh when u tried to be in shape never was not-not punishment. Then what…back to no confidence. Felt like My Face is cute but _______ oh, ill still think that later. Confident about that. Forget about iiit. Post it.

Then all the sudden youre not just fighting with yourself. there’s the whole social Media thing also including the “felt cute, might _____ later.” What R we doing later (?!) LOL. We say Shit that doesn’t make sense at all. (English still deemed the hardest language to learn b/c we have three versions of the same thing). Who decided why ppl need to know what we’re doing later if we are cute? LOL, Well then, I’m typically the later. I think. B/c if I even did feel cute I didn’t have enough confidence to say it, yea? Even if I was?

TRAP

This goes back to My eating Disorder(s)—which, is technically a fantastic eerily precluding example of the back and forth weight and confidence issues I’ve always had on and off. Ok so weight, up and down. Confidence obviously plays along. Self worth in that scale- turn the lights off. Can’t see your bones anymore, I’m doing something wrong. I’m healthier but I also have Long COVID-19? I lost all this weight and im fainting? Oh and science does back up that the reason u were so susceptible to getting sick is bc you got healthy! Your body was so assaulted it kicked into overdrive to help you but did a 180 gainer instead of the whole 360. So u Quit smoking. stopped drinking, et. Working on an eating disorder mixed of anorexia and exercise bulimia bc you used to be morbidly obese and lost 150 lbs and dammit you’re gonna let ppl know it for confidence’s sake. Do. Not. Waiver. Social Media is holding us all hostage and accountable.

That’s weak, Gentry. B/c if it’s on the Internet it’s REAL and it’s permanent. Keep it up. Don’t think about it too much.

Back to my body being so healthy it gets sick. The most laughable backwards bull shiggity I’ve ever been a part of. My Pleasure. Again, body got So healthy in fact, the health takes form and wants to protect you so badly that it turns turbo, fast, furious and wants to heal you SO fast and so well, well, it’s bad. And, AND, you cant do anything about that trust me your body is confident in that. Oh and also wait even tho u did follow all the covid safety rules half of America made fun of that is also irrelevant. Why? I’m confident the answer is bc What why? LOL. This gets Good, gets better. Need 2 years to explain. So book it in advance.

Speed ‘round to tie all the above mess? not confident I can do that with this entry. Can’t speed through any of this type Schitt in a few words. Forget a proofread.

Engine sputters. Then stops even sputtering. And pls stop using that word.

Pretty confident I can’t go anywhere now!

See now? Ofc you don’t.

Truly it was the beginning of the End. I’m confident about that. I do thank God for that tho. Not that this needed to happen but something needed to distract Me from myself and its prison only I could have built. Go ahead and add that pressure to your Tab too.

Me thinks i do. I sound Manic. And steroids influenced.

PS: if you take anything from this—these strategies of extremes to get extremes don’t work. They’re temporary. It’s more your mind than your body. They’re not going to make you happy everlasting.even Snow White got F’d temporarily and she was not even cute. There’s a shallowness to the extremes intoxication but unless like an Addiction you’re ready to Face and admit it honestly healing cannot Begin. TIME is on your side and most of the time you’d prefer it the other Way then the other Way. So This “advice”— or call it what you want— doesn’t just apply to confidence and the extremes we Will take so you CAN be all about you you you. Where is the line btw confidence Health and cockiness and a titch narcissism? The obsession—It Will leave you empty.

I just read the above and thank goodness I didn’t handwrite it b/c then you’d really have no chance of deciphering any part of it! Even so you may have to learn the hard Way like most of us. Something I’ll never understand but can look at somebody and know they’ve been there too.

Just do you. Don’t try so hard. You’ll be so tired. But just be present. That’s gonna bring joy. Not a scale. Not a selfie. What do YOU want. Trust my confidence on this at least. Ya can’t beat it. Truly is what is at your Core. What do people think first? I’m still unsure I want to know that anyway! Being yourself is terrifying. WHYYY?!

I need a scribe.

Don’t ask Me ;)

Be blessed.

Xx, g3

[dreadark]

hashtag pride month

Reading some other people’s talking on gender

weird how it’s always connected with sexuality… like do I like girls in a boy way or a girl way (??) don’t get me wrong this is just ppls personal experiences so I’m not like…judging… just damn I guess I am that pathetic

Fuck I don’t know. What’s the gender diagnosis for bitches who were too ugly and awkward to have your omnipresent highschool first loves. Or college. Or,

I think a lot more people don’t experience that than … popular culture? likes to acknowledge. But at the same time because culture is like that it’s really hard for people to get that (especially if they did have that experience lol…

Or then it’s like well it’s not really a big deal. Yeah you can say that because … this is off topic. sighs

Friends too. Though that’s a bit different… I feel like I’m reading a tv script sometimes. You guys had sleepovers? Those are real?? Is it just me left out. Curse of being unforgivably ugly strikes again. I don’t have the #girl experience

Anyway. I don’t really put much stock into my identity in any sense…

In college I used to… hallucinate? Not exactly but somewhere between daydream and delusion… that I was just an unlucky ghost possessing this shitty body so even if I died I’d just be stuck there until I got drawn into someone else. Samsara. Looking at “my” body in third person I’d try to will myself out of it but I always failed

Well I don’t like my body. Obviously. I don’t want to be associated with it in any way. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to change it but I just don’t want it at all so that wouldn’t help. I have a habit of calling it ugly but … maybe that was self-deprecation but now I genuinely don’t care. My personality is enough to be unable to connect with people let’s not pretend it’s my face

I used to want to dye my hair but now I think that’d be too much of a hassle… is this depression. jk as we know I’m perfectly neurotypical (tm)

I guess if I had a choice I’d rather be born the other way (lol) but that’s just because periods suck. Don’t really think I have strong opinions on the gendered parts otherwise

I mean really who would deal with those willingly (ok actually recently I learned trans women have periods which??? This is gonna sound stupid but I was like damn being able to be a woman without that must be like the ideal experience (ignoring… yknow the rest of the experience) but apparently it’s not even that wtf. How did the human body get out of beta testing it sucks)

it doesn’t matter right. If I look the same and act the same and I don’t even really hate being thought of as woman (I’d rather most people assume that than actually know me…) then being nonbinary amounts to as much change as a ctrl f replace on all the pronouns. Surface level. Except I don’t even put prounouns anywhere lol

(Kinda related note but the idea of coming out is utterly unrelatable … but I’m going to sleep now actually….)

Of course there’s nothing for the thing “like me” because it doesn’t… matter? It’d be like making a movie about a picture that got moved slightly to the left and it didn’t reveal any secret passenge. Do people even notice the difference? I mean, is there a point? It’s just boring

Maybe if I was in more pain it’d matter. But as every supposed problem of “mine” I’m not so it doesn’t. My usual dull existence

[pekodayz]

u ever just want to vent but u dont wanna bc ppl might just find you a vibe killer so u just sit there with ur head throbbing repressing it. ok sorry i need to vent. I’m gonna look back on this in 5 mins and wince

I’ve just been thinking abt how throughout my life well maybe just growing up. I’d be sitting with my friends and someone comes up and compliments one of them, I never gotten that. Well besides my eyebrows. Never my hairstyle, there’s literally nothing wrong with it..I never understood that. Like outside of high school ppl say things now but back then I never was complimented like that. I know this sounds selfish and stupid but I kinda wish someone flirted with me im not ugly right. I know I’m not ugly. all my friends got and still get flirted with, i never gotten that im not ugly right im. I’m pretty ?? Yeah. I’m a pretty gal I wish someone had a crush on me growing up. I will never know, if someone had feelings for me that wasn’t online. Like a real person, who saw my face. I sound so stupid why am I upset about such trivial things. I have a job, friends, ppl that care about me but this is something that has been fucking with me for years. I don’t wear makeup like them. Unless im doing some gyaru shtick. But even then, they still get flirted with. What do I know. I shouldn’t be complaining about this this is shallow. Maybe that’s why over the years I just stopped caring for love and affection and I’m on the ace spectrum now. I lost my ability to even have a crush bc im petrified of what could come of that. I had a crush once in 9th grade and hell, even I knew then I wasn’t worthy of this. I’m never probably gonna have someone be with me and that’s okay. I don’t wanna deal with the heartache. My heart hurts I wish someone would hug me and tell me somethin. Idk what tbh but something would be nice. I’m not lonely but I suppose the feeling of “haha yeah I remember when [name] had a crush on me lol” is kinda endearing. even if it probably was stupid. That’s probably the only things I’m jealous about towards my friends, pretty fucking dumb tho. I’m slowly getting over it, but oughh it’s wrong im gross for thinking that. I’m not mean to ppl irl idk what’s wrong but I don’t really care..that much anymore ig. I’ve come to terms with it, sorry if I sound selfish. More money for me i guess. I wish platonic cuddling was real at least. I’m not touch starved I think I just wanna have somthint in my life. just a little bit :3 ! But it’s okay………I can just be pathetic behind my normal irl persona and talk to a fucking bot to satisfy this pain. I’m glad I have gyaru tho, at least I feel cute..I don’t need to be wanted I think. It’s fun having a mask on. Ughhh. Ok well um sorry if you read through this hellish and disgusting vent . Yeesh! Im pretty, I’ll keep that in my thoughts so I won’t start crying again. EW OKAY UHHHHH emotional amirite! 😯😯😯😯😯😯😯😯

[forgetsrotation]

6.4 Tataru's Grand Endeavor

FULL SPOILERS, INCLUDING IMAGES!! A complete live blog of my progressions through the quest.

Proceed at your own risk. I won't cypher it with rot13 since it's behind a read more. Hopefully no one gets spoiled unintentionally. ;v;

PLEASE DO THE WERLYT TATARU QUEST BEFORE YOU READ THIS I BEG YOU!!!!!

A miqo picture so the other image doesn't pop up and spoil ppl lol

I'm come down, relatively, from the thrill of it all. Two separate quests... no follow quest, which would have been disappointing if uhhh not for EVERYTHING ELSE THAT WAS GREAT!!! I am so pleased and I'm not just saying that because of what we got at the end of it all. :)

However. I cannot believe--

OK. Henceforth will be my live blog reactions bc that's fun to chronicle! I hope you can derive some joy from it too. Fair warning, I curse a lot out of excitement. Gibberish. It's pure joy. You will NOT understand this if you haven't played the new quest yet LOL

----

Up at 5AM for these two… like a long nap after going to bed at 12:30AM lol. Waiting for patch to dl! It seems to have finished early, but I am in no rush!! My recording software is set up. :)

MILITARY EQUIPMENT??? Gaius’s “brother-in-arms”…

OUTFIT THE TROOPS AHHHHHHHHHHHHjsa

f

;asdjkfal;ksjdflkjaskdfsadf

GOING TO SEE HIS HUSBAND FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!

MIQO KNOWS WHERE TO FIND HIS HUSBAND HEHEHE

I’m gonna frow up

me being able to crime tools gpose him wherever I want (still takes the time to gpose)

they are married

He really has changed!!

EXCUSE ME SOMEONE STOLE THE G-SAVIOR???????

AVILINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHH

Other business = see his husband, but Gaius is very shy

HUHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOO

Aww I love when he kneels to talk to children

NOT THE CLOUD DECK !!! gpose time……….

HOLY SHITTTT U;MDFJDJ I’M LOSING MY MINDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD (post blogging: it was a fake out. it's ok tho lol)

Miqo can drive better than Gaius :)

support from the rear, huh……………………….

FUCK I AM SO READY LET’S GOOOOOOOOO

SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

WHERE IS ALLIE THO… HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

NERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nero is mad at the bottom accusations.

THE SYMBOLISM……….

EVERY TIME I SEE MIQO AND GAIUS IN A CUTSCENE TOGETHER I WANT TO FROW UP (AFFECTIONATE)

me constantly checking for allie. Severa is no where to be found… neither is vald...

checking all the npcs for flavor text… one lady moves around now!

Aw baby you know Makoh’to will help you anytime, anywhere!!

HOLDING HANDS TIME

OMDasdfkj I’M GOING TO FUCKING EXPIRE

hehehe she sure does!!

just know my face has been like :D this whole time

Aw… Miqo is good at soothing children so it’s ok!!

I am crying

CRYINGGGGGGGGG

I MF CUKING DLKJSDKLFJLKJSDF IDM”A I MA MSLDKDJSJDK

I’M LEGIT GOING TO FROW UP (AFFECTIONATE) NYTKLSDLFK MY HEART IS RACING SO FAST RIGHT NOW I DFKLJKSDF I CANNOT EVEN OH MY GODDDDDDD PLEASEEE LET IT BE THE ITEM WE GET

I”M GOING FO CUKGING ODIM

I AM FOR REAL FUCKING DYING RIGHT NOW I AM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

I”M FOIGN IDI” I”M CRYING AHAHAHAHAA THEY HAVE NEW OUTFITS I AM DIYGOLINSDKFSDKLFJLKSDJFL:KSDJFI:LOJSDLK:FGJSDL:KFJDSLK:FJSDLKFJildsf

I CANNOT FUCKING DLBNELKJSDKFJDF

THGIUS IS MORE THAN I COULD HAVE EVER ASKEDDDD

IF THEY DON’T LET ME HAVE GTHAT PROAISLDFJDFJD SFI”MG OING FDSL:K

NEW PICTURE TO ADD TO MY WALLET

waiting for the sun to rise so I can take better gposes… simmering in this feeling……….. letting it wash over me………… I’m guessing we will not get this portrait as our reward but I am so happy it happened all the same. Family picture real………………………………………………..

THEY????????? DID THEY GIVE IT TO ME????????????falskdfjl;kasjdfkl;jasdlfkjasdf

TGHEY DIDDLFDKSJFLKJDS AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I am in disbelief……………..

WAIT HOLD ON I FORGOT TO GO BACK AND LOOK AT IF THEY HAVE NEW FLAVOR TEXT AND--------

GAIUS IS SITTING ON THE BENCH I ALWAYS GPOSE THEM ON AND HAVE LORE FOR I"MF LSKJDFLKSJDFKLJSDFKLJSDKLFJKLSAJFKLDSJFKLJSAKLJDFSDKF AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Allie's overlooking the sea...

FINALLY SEV AND VALD!! They even have new flavor text!

i am so happy........t his is more than i could have dreamed

feel free to talk to me about this on twt in dms! i don't have much to say except keyboard smash.

[unohanabbygirl]

I'm soo obsessed with FMN I've binged it all in a few days! Poor Luke he truly did not deserve the hand he got, like so many in his situation 😭. Will he ever reunite with his bio mom in this world? Ik she basically abandoned him but if she ever finds out he got taken in by a fam with money I can def see her coming back. Also I remember that one of his foster dads was a major creep, spying on him naked & stuff, did anything further happen with that? Because maybe he can have testify with Alicent by his side to get more abusive ppl out. Daemon is surprisingly well adjusted for the modern era I'm impressed!

I'm so excited to see more of Owen. I'm guessing he's in jail (which is lucky bc Luke's fam can't get to him lol). I think it's very interesting and realistic with how blase Luke is to all the stuff he had to face. I realy get the feeling he knows it's wrong/not normal esp when we see his interactions with the kids. But bc he's essentially been so dehumanized throughout his life it seems like he's really internalized that he has go accept abuse as a normal thing. Does he expect his og fam to ever hurt him once the "illusion" of their dead son breaks? They did kinda back themselves intl a corner with that, at least until hos memories return. Anyways thanks for ur work!

My heart is so full rn 😭💗

The whole situation with Luke and his past foster father who had been spying on the kids isn’t something I’m going any further into until we’re more towards the end of the story. However, it’s implied that night ended in a fight which led to Luke being removed from the household.

Alicent helping get more creeps out of the foster system is such beautiful idea. A lot of healing is going to have to come first before Luke feels comfortable disclosing all of his past experiences in order to make it happen.

Daemon seems, well adjusted…but he’s still the same man who happily put down his life in hopes of winning the war for Nyra at his core. Daemon will always be the rouge prince at heart I’m afraid lmao.

There will be more of Owen, we’re coming up on reaching the halfway point in the story and Luke now has a therapist so expect more background to how that whole situation came to be as well as a deeper look into why Luke feels so much love for him besides what’s already been revealed.

Deep down, Luke knows the things that happened to him weren’t ok, but brushing over it all or even putting himself in a place of responsibility for his abuse is how he copes. Like you said, in the way he interacts with children and cares for their well-being its clear that he knows hurting children in that way is wrong no matter what. There’s a small moment in the pool party chapter where he’s genuinely worried that Daemon has put his hands on little Viserys and feels so protective until he’s assured nothing of the sort ever happened.

Luke fully expects to be left in the dust if he truly reveals his entire being rather than just the “nice” or “cool” parts because it’ll bring Rhaenyra back to the reality that he isn’t Lucerys. Sadly, such immense pressure will only lead to a blow up.

They did in fact fuck themselves by revealing that, but its too late now 😭

Thank you for your sweet words <3

[heartscrypt]

hi im the back and im now a stray cat in ur backgarden waiting for a meal. give me fun facts abs ur ocs or ill scratch something. i think they are So Cool. please

ouuu my god YOU HAVE UNLEASHED THE HORRORS . I LOVE MY OCS RAAAAAGHHHHH

ok im . putting this into like subsections based on ocs. limiting myself to 3 fun facts about each oc so i have some that ppl can still ask me about.

looong post so im gonna put it under a read more

cyrus:

he is a nickname guy. he will give people nicknames. the most notable one is "inky" for azul. she started calling him it post-overblot because it made him uncomfortable in an entertaining way. for mc / yuu she'll call them "small-fry" / "zako" because. well. its condescending. also in jpn it's apparently slang for "weak / useless person" or "mob character" LMFAO. "fry" / "chigyo" is how he addresses people that he doesn't care about (mostly other students from different dorms) and he often calls other dorms "chigyochi" (rough translation would be. Breeding ground?? but in official eng it would probably be something like Hatchery i guess. to remove the Implications LOL). she also likes to call specifically freshmen "freshwaters" / "tansugiyo" because. coming from the coral sea as a saltwater mer. the Peak of insult is implying you're a freshwater fish who can't survive the salt or the cold. basically calling all these freshmen weak as fuck

he's so terrified of sebek its so funny. its like an irrational fear of him too. cyrus just wants to Sprint Away as fast as she can when she hears sebeks voice because sebek reminds her of a crocodile. incredibly hilarious considering sebek is a whole freshman and cyrus is a whole junior and they're from completely different dorms so there's like. So little chance of them interacting

she HATES the nrc birthday tradition of the "gift of good fortune" (aka getting cake thrown in her face) because her least favorite food is whipped cream. he honestly just hates cake in general and hates the idea of cake being thrown at him (in reference to the scene in the little mermaid where vanessa stumbles into the wedding cake bc the sealife is attacking her LMFAO). she's not even a good sport about it bc shes immediately trying to run away. her birthday presenter (its cater btw. if u even care) has to literally hold her down kicking and screaming.

marron:

his worst subject is alchemy. things can and do often blow up in his face... even if that wasn't originally possible for whatever he was making to do. pre-overblot, this is mostly obscured by how he's able to maneuver his lab partners into doing most of the work for him. post-overblot, it's so obvious that it's his weakest subject that crewel immediately puts him in remedial lessons and he's so embarrassed about it. will get snappish and defensive if anyone presses him on it because he hates feeling like he's being criticized

he has a favors gambit running in the freshmen classes. if you picked any random freshman student out of the crowd at nrc... 9 times out of 10 they'll owe marron a favor. it's a lot less formal and definitely a lot less intimidating than azul's contract system, but that's part of what makes it work-- the people indebted to marron are pretty much unaware of their debt until they step out of line and face consequences they weren't anticipating at All.

his brother had connections to a security company named Cloak&Dagger. it has connections to S.T.Y.X. in that it sells information on overblotters to the organization but it also more generally keeps tabs on the influential people of the world (like the royal family). marron uses this connection to cultivate a horrifyingly wide information network. he does have all the personal data on ur phone btw. he knows everything you looked up on wikipedia. he's side-eyeing you for spending that long on sigmund freud's page.

jettie:

the youngest in a family of six. his three siblings, all guys, are older than him-- around college/workforce age. in order from youngest to oldest they are buddy, moore, and ramer (all respectively based off chum, anchor, and bruce from finding nemo). they're a lot more friendly than jettie. also a lot bigger. jetties kind of the runt so hes more aggressive to compensate. they love him anyways <3

his family run a bodyguard business. it's a little ominous. his other three siblings are kind of iffy on continuing it because it's shady as fuck but jettie is READY to take over the business when his father nimius (twisted off of glut from the little mermaid 1) gives him the opportunity or 2) kicks the bucket.

he keeps all his baby teeth in a jar. actually all of his teeth that fall out. he bites a lot of things he shouldn't so this is more common than you think. did you know sharks have a neverending supply of regenerating teeth? isn't that horrifying? well its a trait jettie has and yes it is more horrifying when he's in his human form. he brings out the jar of teeth when he wants to fuck with someone

[thatbitchsimone]

I love you I love you

Thank you thank you

It’s a long story of circle of abuse, I used to save her from my father hitting her and few years later I had to save myself from both of them hitting me

I truly believe she’s evil, not what she does to me but to others also, she beats and humiliates not only me but the maids too, the other siblings are not beaten, the brother sometimes rarely but he’s her worshipper so i don’t think he minds.

I will get a job soon but I don’t think I can move out, it’s not very common here you know, and my father is like a influential guy, but hopefully when I earn my own money and cut her off I’ll be happy, we have a big house so living separately is possible.

I found out something today and it made me sick to my stomach, I have my whole life faced disgusting men, but turns out my brother is also one of them, he is after all my fathers and mothers son. he is an Andrew tate fanboy btw so you can guess his entire personality by that lolllllll.

I am so sorry this is alot of stuff to hear on a site where you are supposed to have fun, I am sending you apology hugs, take care 🫂❤️

Btw have you read the bell jar by Sylvia plath? It’s so depressing it’s taking me months to finish HAHAHAH

that is fucking awful and yes, i dont even believe in the whole concept of evil (i was raised without religion in a completely secular country + im very into psychology so good vs evil is not part of my worldview lol) but some behaviors even i just have to describe as evil and ur mom fits that pretty well like abusing ur own children is fucking evil. i have empathy for her to some extent since her behavior is clearly the result of her being abused herself like u said but it gets clouded by the absolute disgust and hatred and rage i feel for her for letting herself become the abuser herself and keeping the circle of abuse going by passing it on to her children. its one thing to not have the strength or power to stop ur husband from abusing ur kids, but straight up joining in on the abuse is a whole other level of disgusting and im so sorry u have to experience this.

but i do have to say that u seem like a genuinely good person like i really feel like u have so much kindness and love in ur heart and u seem like a very strong, sensible and intelligent girl and i get a strong feeling that the cycle of abuse is gonna end with u (as in, u wont be carrying it on and u will break free from it and if u have kids in the future u will be a good and loving mom to them) and i just wanna acknowledge that bc thats amazing and inspiring and i admire u so much like i just have so much admiration for u right now like u are everything u are the moment u are the vibe

anyway, glad to hear that u at least live in a big house so that u can at the very least have some space from her even tho u live together. i get that its not as easy or simple as some ppl think to ”just move out” especially if u live in a very family oriented culture where its not the norm to do so on top of it all so i think the best thing to do currently is to just kind of try to stay out of her way and honestly just not even listen to the bullshit she says bc her insults are kinda meaningless tbh bc lets be real, if u were skinny she would just use something else to criticize u for. she just wants to put u down in any way she can no matter what u look like. u could probably look like a damn supermodel or movie star and she would still find something to pick on and put u down for, bc she has issues. shes disturbed. her words are empty and her opinions on u are just completely irrelevant. why should u care if a deranged abusive sadist doesnt ”approve” of ur body and size? this woman thinks its ok to mentally torment everyone around her, even HER OWN CHILDREN that she just so happens to not just verbally and emotionally abuse but straight up physically abuse. shes a child abuser. actual scum of the earth. like honestly next time she says something about ur body or calls u fat or whatever this psychopath likes to call u just remind urself that this woman is actually disturbed and sick in the head like shes literally a terrible human being lol who the fuck is she to criticize anyone like ok so u got a little extra meat on ur bones meanwhile she is a deranged sadistic child abuser. like girl whatever flaw u may have is nothing compared to the flaws she has like u are so far above her in every way that actually matters like ur literally so much better than her in every way like shes actually pathetic.

sorry about ur brother btw. seems like us women can never catch a break from these male parasites that are crawling around everywhere these days. they just keep getting worse and worse now with all the andrew tate shit brainwashing them. thank god we women have each others backs in this vile current climate. sisterhood is so important, especially now with all this crazy shit going around.

and yes ofc ive read the bell jar! read it for the first time when i was 16 and have reread it a few times since then. its one of those books that deeply resonates with nearly every woman who reads it even now generations later like its truly timeless in that way thats why its so good

[ibelieveinghost]

3/23/24

sooooooo much happened this past week and I need to note down how things made me feel!!!

1st off I don't have my new visa yet. let's get that out of the way. I don't worry as much now. again, strange feeling.

2 things happened yesterday. went to M's orientation. I felt like my Japanese is def getting better, but not quite there yet. not sure how much help a part time job would do, but hopefully there'd be some improvements. fun fact: my employee selfie ranked 16/750,000 ppl LOL no kidding. I got that smile goin' oh and it's freaking cold yesterday. short sleeved uniform made it 1000x worse.

like...man. I felt kinda, really, honestly pretty umm...inadequate. as an adult. in terms of adulting abilities. the way I spent all my years doing big brain research stuff and not even having the experience dealing with 'real ppl'. not even a part time job(despite working at library for 6 years which doesn't count...too safe an environment), not to mention fast food/catering position like this. i have this looming fear(again) that this バイト experience would touch me in some profound, disturbing way. but anyway. I'd only grow more mature. with more tools and the mental agility to deal with more to come. like. yea. guess that's worth the price.

ok dok enough of that. Asa and I went watched dune 2 last night!!! imax laser at Shinjuku TOHO and it was so so so good! despite not having watched the first one, I find the fact of not knowing 100% what's going on less of a problem than me checking out their asses(yum) all the fucking time. would watch again, probably 4D next time bc I want to feel that sand(probably water, if we're being realistic) on my face. anyway, it was beautifully made. I came to the theater knowing jack shit about what dune it and left loving what I watched.

so that's Friday! I hangout with K Thursday, and had a long interview that evening too. again, I didn't do too well... which means I did kinda okay. still warming up to the interviewing thing I guess. hope I can get a third interview (they have 4 bruh), or a teaching demonstration next week. if I end up getting the offer, it'd be splendid. but I'm not exactly in a place be optimistic. those people are way too qualified than my current level. but I'll prepare anyway. you really can't treat ur pride or sense of worth too seriously in time like this. I know I have what I need. I know some feelings are only natural. and I decide to not dwelling on anything that's nothing serving me good and carrying me forward. and yes! I talked K into watching HH! big win! and we're going to the 🎤 theme cafe next Thursday woohoo! I had shifts scheduled mon-wed, so that gives me something to look forward to.

and then there's Tuesday. I hanged out with my kind and beautiful girlie D. can't believe she's going thru this much and did this much for folks who care so little about her. anger. I was angry. no one take advantages of my friends like this. I'll check on her more often and try to hang out more often. that's the least I can do. it's not like I can ask her to break up. but I'll be there for her.

mon and wed I slept away no kidding. I'll stop here. now photos:

(THE BEST CHINESE DISH I HAD IN TOKYO+proof that's I was NOT KIDDING)

(food and drinks lol)

(that was a nice walk we had roppongi->sendagaya beautiful weather + good tea, real good tea)

(the cards I got for my teachers! + not looking bad!)

I kinda forgot the write about my little trip to ikebukuro w/ asa last weekend. it was so much fun & I drank so much cheap wine at saizeria lol I'd like to add an entry for that night specifically but who r we kidding. chances are I just forget again. so here are the photos:

(wuwuwuwuwuwu BABIES)

(simply the best cheap wine out there and I'm ready to die on this hill. and... finally got to sit at the window seat at this saizeria crying shaking+literally stayed until the place closed)

(and we went to kichijoji on a whim. 終電までeven more chit chat at the park. it was so nice. so nice. so nice)

ok wow long entry! exactly what I wanted to do on a cold Saturday morning at my fav coffee place. closing thought: I think ppl don't understand how loud Japanese ppl can be. not complaining just stating the fact, that they can be really fucking loud in public. not sure where the 'quite' stereotype came from, and I believed it before I moved here. these. people. are. loud.

ok! off to have a productive day. hopefully! somehow this week ended up being so packed with social stuff/obligations. didn't even have the time to write here/on my journal. didn't have the time to study. hmmm..although I did read 500 pages of radioapple fanfic. but that's my selfceare leisure time!!! yea I read some really, REALLY good fluff. like oh my stars. that will never happen in canon but definitely a possibility and def not OOC.

b-bye!

[avo-kat]

i was checking my drafts (for the irrational fear that there will be a bug that suddenly releases all your posts in draft; this has no basis on reality, so dont worry), and found this post from march 1st 2023.

its me working out that im definitely not trans:

dont mind me, im just sitting here and thinking out loud

me: oh im just a regular woman. not straight. but otherwise normal. thats all. :) [pre 2020]

me: hm actually. you know what? hmhm. something is up

me: no its fine. its time. i came out as lesbian to my friends! this is great. i love this. time to buy... lgbt merch. [around 2020]

me: what kind tho... hm.... somehow.... u know? normal rainbow stuff is fine, right?

me: hmmmm im not feeling so good actually??? [around 2021]

me: is that... u know what.... i think i may be.... non-binary? i thought this was only smth for kids but looking into it, huh, i guess so!

me: now i can wear more boy clothes. and walk a bit more masc. thats kinda fun. mens tank top. mens shorts. baseball cap. i feel awesome. hairy legs. hairy armpits. hell yeah!

me: but im just nb im not trans thats not being trans

me: i dont wanna intrude or take away or smth im just nb

me: im fine being the way i am no need to do hrt or anything really

me: and honestly, i dont wanna lose my identity as a queer woman!!! i love being a queer woman! well ok not a woman anymore but im still like, sapphic! that kinda thing!!! im deathly afraid of losing this part of my identity!

me: im super fine w my body and im fine staying this way and also being my agab at my job

me: besides im so cute now and id deffo look ugly as a guy

me: i dont even like guys that much so like come on

me: that one guy is giving me such gender envy. thats just 1 exception tho [around 2022]

me: i prefer he/they but im fine with all pronouns :)

me: i like it when ppl use male words for me. just makes me feel good. nothing else :)

me: (i have no dysphoria cuz im nb im not trans)

me: its cool im fine

me: hmmmmmmmmm

me: mhmhm eeeh

me: im not feeling so great again thats so weird....??? [late 2022/early 2023]

me: mhmhmhmhmh

me: oh look im growing facial hair

me: guess ill shave. thats annoying. kinda cool but annoying

me: oh wow i gotta shave more often huh thats so annoying

me: hm hair is growing more... actually... feels nice touching my hairy face kinda

me: oh well i gotta shave for work, so

me: ach. why does that feel unpleasant?

me: oh well. heh, if i were a man (im not tho), some things would be kinda fun!

me: if i were a guy. that would be fun. like. purely hypothetical, yknow?

me: like if i suddenly got the superpower to change my appearance. that would be sooo cool. just cuz.

me: wouldnt that be fun. it would. it would be so fun.

me: not trans tho

me: def not trans. i feel shaky and queasy just thinking of it. im not

me: just nb. im fine. im fine staying like this. like. im. im fine.

me: like sure im not like super comf

me: thats on me deciding not to be more gnc in public. yeah. it would be such a hassle

me: yeah. what if tho lol. can u imagine. god, telling my boss? no way man that wouldnt fly

me: and id be so ugly. im cute right now. and im not strong. or build. and im too fat. if i were to be a man id wanna be, like, hot, yknow? strong and sharp jawline. if i were to be guy. im not. i wouldnt. im not trans lol

me: lemme write this fanfic real quick. just smth self-indulgent. what if i woke up in the body of the main character of this shounen anime lol. id be a boy lol. like. id be a man. mans body lol. that be fun lol. and what if i managed to fall in love with that male character. wed be so gay together. haha. two guys. such a funny idea

me: .....................

me: like what if i got top surgery.

me: like, sure. a year ago i was scared of losing my boobs. like if i had breast cancer and had to remove them. id look so off. my body would look wrong. boobs are an important visual element.

me: but what if i got top surgery. like. i hate bras. i dont like them being touched much either honestly so i wouldnt really lose anything? it would be more comfy for me day to day. and while sleeping. so, honestly, only upsides?

me: ...what would i need, theoretically. hm. half a year of therapy? oh. yeah. no. im not trans. so. yeah.

me: ....................

me: like, what name would i even pick. idk. well doesnt matter. im not trans.

[new addition, july 2023] me: im trans :D

[thegongoozlerreacts]

Harry Potter: Magic Awakened (Part 2)

so im playing the game for a second time!! after several days of leaving it untouched in my phone after its release lmaooo

so starting off the second(??) day at hogwarts with the aguamenti charm in the greenhouse

but i have one (1) question

why the fuck is Neville Longbottom here?? like,, im not sure what the timeline of the game is but it definitely takes place after the story of harry potter so hello?? Neville why r u here?? did u get held back or smth lmaooo

now onto actually doing the charm

OH WAIT I DIDNT READ THE OBJECTIVE PROPERLY

Neville's a professor!! he's the herbology professor okok that makes sense

lets go another successful battle!! and learned a new spell very cool

also became friends w the bowtruckle, cute!!

why r we gonna talk to the headmistress

oooh dance club

mcgonagall made the dance club?? oh cuz of the yule ball thats cool

i like the game's graphics but its really funny how the character's faces arent moving or changing and u can only get their emotion from their exaggerated body language and gestures

also the npcs faces have like,, a different texture to them lmao?? like it feels more 2d than my character's face

OOHHH I GET TO PICK WHO I CAN DANCE WITH

should i dance with mean girl cassandra or reserved but nice daniel

ok im gonna dance w daniel why is he just staring at the wall

YOOO THERES RHYTHM GAME

that was the easiest rhythm game ive ever played but it was only 1 star difficulty so

oooh there's a map!! (why did i just discover the map only now ??)

oh yeah ivy is missing ahh now's the start of a wild adventure

Objective: Look for Ivy and then there's like an arrow pointing in a direction LMAOAOOA guess looking for her wont be too hard

oh no wait it was just pointing to the door oopsies

ooohh so my chr isnt the only one looking for ivy nice its just the other supporting characters\

time to go on a search!! in one of the classrooms but i doubt ivy would be here

EWWW SPIDERS nice succesfully killed them all

the battles in the game are fun

is that peeves??? now we're fighting him

VICTORY!! i like my character's lil dance when u win a battle its cute

oh hi daniel

oh shoot its filch

no we're in a classroom

its the monster book

oooh ive got a character card for robyn cool is it permanent??

oh no we've lost her and kevin wtf where did they go

oh its that room!!! the uhhh i forgot what it was called but the room that shows up when u need it

IVY?????!??!?!?!??!

mysterious trunk SOMEONE IS INSIDE OF IT WTF

social club?? lol i just picked auto join

LOL its just so funny to see ppl talk in non-cutscenes

like there's my chr blinking and lip-syncing meanwhile the NPCs just have a blank expression, unblinking eyes and talking without their mouths moving

ok but like i know the main story quest in which we find ivy has been completede already but like,, what happened to robyn and kevin that night? and what was the teachers' reactions when ivy showed up again??

wait arent they first year? and didnt the year just start? why is robyn on the quidditch team??? first years arent allowed on the quidditch teams right??? wasnt it a whole thing that harry was on the quidditch team in first year??!??!?!?

well anyways now we're going to hagrid's hut

ah there's gnomes

ooohhh the bludger thing is cool!! i like it very fun

now doing some daily tasks

oooh i got daniel's companion card!! nice also got a buncha new cards from the gacha part of the game

LOL THE HOWLER CARD HAS THE MESSAGE THAT RON'S MOM SENT WHEN HE STOLE THE CAR LMAOAOOA

lol went to the duelling club and duelled the same person twice lmaoo

now im at the dance club and im gonna dance with lottie i picked the flamenco cuz i already did the waltz but its so funny how my chr and lottie was dancing the flamenco while the other students were doing the waltz LMAOAOOA

the rhythm game is fun i like it

ok i think thats enough for today, will play again tomorrow

[castle-dominion]

c1x9 little girl lost

sdkjfasjkld second last episode, this season was kind of short. Oh so THAT'S what a bear claw it. My family was arguing about bear paws, white claws, monster energy, funnel cakes, elephant ears, beavertails, crepes, croissants, donuts, deep fried croissants that ARE donuts, pate a choux donuts which I think are called cruellers, danishes, & we just didn't know what a bear claw was.

*shoves it in his mouth* Castle is right "only because it's about me"

She's not naked. She's holding a gun... strategically.

Yeah she is in homicide... RM: 'Cause I like pissing off the FBI. And because you think outside the box. That's something the Feebs rarely do. Oh an ex? RC: Actually, I'm not. Who's Sorenson?

Square jaw on this man. Castle just there RC: Writer of wrongs.

Ah yes, kids raised on TV. I mean you might need a few minutes & the TV is a fine babysitter but babe u should have your earbuds OUT.

I just noticed, there was no intro. ig bc there was no murder. I like how this is a child abduction case not just a murder.

True, most abductions are from someone u know or someone related.

KB: Yeah, I know. You were not asking very loudly. I remember the mirror scene in s2.

Ryan with his castle book lol. & she pats him on the shoulder & he's on the phone.

KR: *just talking abt the case* *they all turn to face each other at the desks* RC, physically taken aback: Whoa!!!!!!!!!!!! *espt looks at him sharply, beckett simply watches* RC: Sorry. Sorry about that. That tie took me a little by surprise. *esposito & beckett laugh* KR: Okay. Get it all out. This is a gift from my girlfriend. JE: "Girlfriend"? KB: Already giving gifts, huh? KR: Today's our two-week anniversary. All three: Ooooooooh JE: Two weeks! Is that the paper or the silk? RC: I believe it's the whipped. JE: Good one. KR: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.  Ok uh spoilers for s4 but gyrating jenny? I said two weeks is like maybe one or two dates worth of knowing each other. Mum said no it could be that they went on a date every night & if you only dated once a week it would be comparatively three months of dating. Which ok a quarter year can be a celebration. BUT here's the thing, right now they were I think dating several people each. "I went on a date with her, I went on a date with her, I went on a date with Jenny, I went on a date with him, I went on another date with Jenny, hmm I've given this gal two casual dates maybe it's time we start an actual item." But then why would u get a fortnightversary tie? Maybe bc after casually dating for two weeks u decided to get together properly & that was the gift? But I thought mike/jake was a month into their relationship... Ah well whatever, if they had a non-exclusive relationship (so ig an open relationship) for the first bit then good for them, it brings poly vibes to the relationship & boom fanfic fuel. Anyway ha here we go continuing on. Maybe this is what gets ryan to start wearing ties more often. Btw I saw a fic recently where ryan said his gf got him the tie & esposito was mad bc "I don't mind being called ur gf but I am not taking the blame for that tie" actually it was a vignette per episode for the first season, 100 words each. P good. "If you were having an affair, would your best friend know about it?" ok so espt didn't know ryan had a gal & it's been Two Weeks?

They afford a cleaning lady??? rly??? I hope the bio mom gets to stay in contact with the kid. native kids are disproportionately represented in the system & at least the parents seem to be native too. (Unless they're just (euro)spanish bc spanish ppl can get p dark, unlike my celtic & (not-too-far-east) slavic friends who are white af; & fake tans are in right now. Have you ever seen those quizzes where they cover a fellow's face & u have to guess whether she is black or has an aggressive tan? Yeah I thought the kardashians were black for ages before someone told me they were white. Like one time at a lake in the summer one of my neighbours had a tan but throughout the day at the beach he darkened up; I saw a black man out of the corner of my eye but when i did a double take it was my white neighbour. I was like woah u look more black than some of my black friends. anyways i'm kind of hoping that the adopted parents are native bc, well, icwa & all that)

Good voice change ig But you need proof of life. She has a very wide mouth WS: It's not about what you say. It's about controlling the situation. Controlling the emotions. He is not wrong RC: Must be fate.

Weird breakroom shots here. Where are they...? Good for him, painting during stress is a good way to cope. Guy lost his kids? Yeah I can see this

At least rick settles the argument for them, going to observe instead XD castle

KB: Mr. Ellers, Detective Kate Beckett. NYPD. WS: Special Agent Sorenson, FBI. JE: *looks meaningfully at ryan but my social skills aren't as good as maybe they should be so idk what it means* The spinny spin is not too much but... it is a bit nauseating... just a bit

Castle they need to check either way. WS: A couple dozen best-sellers doesn't make you a criminologist. RC: I also don't need a weatherman to tell me that the sky is blue. (we watched this when the sky was orange from smoke & now I'm watching it right after the sky was green from smoke & refraction) KB: Oh, for godsakes, why don't you both just drop your pants and get it over with? RC: I'm ga...me. Point for the castle queer headcanons (Makes me wonder why beckett didn't say that to rysposito during the dirty dozen names for suspects battle. I read a fanfic abt that the other day. Actually I think it was the same vignette-per-episode fic I mentioned earlier.)

Well that was nice, I wasn't able to start my castle binge watch very early bc mum had an online interview, then she left for an ultrasound, (I started my castle watch) & then she came back home for lunch & we started a puzzle together. It was very nice. Now she's off to work & I already did some chores while she was home so I'm free to finish castle s1, possibly plus commentary versions!

Castle being good for once. He KNOWS she needs him to go home & he wants to argue but he checks first & then finds out he needs to give her space, but then he still tells her to call him if she needs.

MR, leaning back in rick's office chair: I mean the source of your power. *raises hands* The source of your power, Todd, is you. *She points to him with both hands* At least rick is somewhat playing along lol

Oh i see the weird little dog thing I love her 'isms. RC: How is it that you don't know who my father is, you don't know how your ex-husband stole all your money, yet you are giving life-coaching advice? Freud was not the father of psychology he was the senile grandfather Rick goes to hug alexis not martha lmao *spins her around all full of fatherly love*

Poached eggs are not my fave to make diner style XP Over-easy XD Oh fun fact technically there is a difference between over-easy & over soft. Over easy is: sunny side up; flip, one two, off. Over soft is when you flip the egg & wait for it to get to the soft stage; over medium is when the yolk is somewhat set, & over hard is when the yolk is completely set. Most people don't actually distinguish it tho.

btw beckett outfit update: weird jackett. it's nice it just has some stuff going on. typical detective coat.

He's kind of sweet here. I feel bad for beckett, she liked him but he had to keep moving & this seems like it happens her her, well, more than rarely. Will had to leave, Tom she broke up with, Josh had to leave but then returned then she broke up with him... RC: Oh! I thought cops and Feds hated each other. RC: They say justice never sleeps. I think I know why. KB: We were just, uh... RC: Being consenting adults. I'm not judging.

RC: I did go home, but then my mother told me something that couldn't wait. WS, thinking he lives with his mom, not that his mom lives with him: You live with your mother? RC: Yeah. Apparently, we're peas in a pod. But the important point is, Angela's adopted.

Yeah! Most abductions are from someone the kid knows. RC: Is that supposed to be an insult? Because Nancy Drew solved every case. 

Hm, Gomez is a spanish sounding last name, the kid looks latine, but lucia looks way less native than I thought. Love how she proves it by pulling out her driver's license Oh juan is def a spanish name.

Love how ryspocastle just drives up out of nowhere. Yep boy could be native, but again, could also be tanned & spanish. Their kid tho, angela looks way more native than either of them

The most real guy on the show: Look, in my neighborhood, when you see a cop - that's what you do. KR: ach Can you believe this? He details cars for a living. He could have a little more pride in his ride. *envelopes fall from the visor when he wipes it; he holds his arms up slightly* Wow it IS a pissing match.

he was 18? she said she was a junior? idk what USA stuff is. k she would have been 16 turning 17. that fits with half plus seven we good. Tho the legal ability does create a power differential. Then again, my first relationship was technically outside the half plus seven rule until my birthday Poor kid. He's so young. Support our troop: Bring Them Home.

Oof kid was already dead...

I've seen this episode before but in my head it is TWO different episodes Was the canvas strong enough to break the vase?

I am so glad for captions civillian, not parent Why is the kid's voice not distorted?

Hire mercs? Castle <3 cop privilege, non-cop privilege. Halfsies. Castle nonebiney moments.

*pats herself with the rabbit* lol cold hands. Beckett: it's for nikki heat you're a homicide detective, you KNOW that ppl get coined for murder if they make death threats.

KB: We don't have to read you, we can see you. Now shut up and focus. Lol castle & his spy jargon Fan as in book fan or as in u see her crush? Ah book fan Oh he's such a flirt. LMAO CASTLE I like their cell phones rn, & soon they end up with touchscreen phones & it's so modern instead of being nostalgic. I'm too dumb for that. Cross the street which way? "correct"

Me: knowing how it works The ppl walking around: none have the "art instillation" yet & then there was ONE guy & now there are A Hundred. Why don't they look into buying records of the backpacks? Who bought two dozen backpacks for an art thing?

Me: knowing what happens The mom: looks upset

Love rain. & that's a cool boat. Rick castle maximalist moments. AC: What did Beckett tell you about taking phone photos at the crime scene? RC: I don't know, I wasn't listening. you can get repairs done on stuffies yk...

Or maybe angela took the bunny with her just cuz

See? it IS mostly from ppl who know them. baby so chill getting picked up by a stranger Beckett <3

I speak enough french to know that he said mi coeurason (idk how to spell) & it means "my heart" I think. Is it that hard to write it into the captions?

Mom could be in shock (except I know) Mom could at least fake it to pretend she's happy the kid is back.

Does the husband want to be here for this?

I understand where she is coming from ig... Yeah he should not have had the music loud, I really can understand where she is coming from... & tbh that was a good idea if it worked...

like bro this is so sad

Beckett's hair is slowly getting longer, I don't mind it, it's nice. RC: Yeah, he's like the male you. Ying needs Yang, not another Ying. Ying-Yang is harmony, but Ying-Ying is... a name for a panda.

KB: That's why it's called "private life." Because it's private. Unlike you, I don't live my life on Page Six.

k so beckett has a desk & then there is another desk on the other side of hers & it has a computer so obv it's SOMEONE's desk, but whose?

[beeseverywhen]

So I've got a gender neutral 1st name and it always winds me up because everyone assumes I'm a man (funnily enough my dad also has a gender neutral name and has the opposite problem. When we're together and have booked something in our names, ppl always mix them up lol)

Every email gets a Mr. And they start referring to me as he. When my names called for anything and I step forward they are like oh no I'm looking for x not you dear. When I answer the door ppl get this weird look on their face and always double check the name they've been given even when I'm like yep! that's me. It's always really annoyed me. It was always a thing in school.

When I worked in an office taking calls nobody would accept my name the first time they heard it. They'd either call me by a different more feminine name, ask me to repeat myself or be like I thought you said...X and laugh and I'd be like. I did. Its always annoyed me because its so unnecessary. You don't need to guess someone's gender. You don't need to tell them they've got a man's name. Not to mention, I know they'd do the exact same thing if I was a bloke. Because it's 100% a unisex name.

Most ppl I speak to with a gender neutral name tell me this, its definitely not just me and my reaction (politely correcting them) is one of the more measured ones I've come across. Some ppl will start shouting lol which while I understand their frustration, is unnecessary. People should try not to assume, but let's be real, they didn't choose to be someone who's inconsiderate in that way, it's socialisation. (Which frankly, I do think we should try and address more at large cause unisex names are great when people remember they are unisex! It's a tool against sexism with cvs and emails and stuff. It means it's less of a problem if your kid isn't the gender you thought they were, as long as they like their name they save a bit of money they would have spent legally changing it on everything. Unisex names make sense! There's a logic there.)

Anyway the point to all of this is. I've always been frustrated by the feminine versions of stuff. Most of them were added later (man used to just mean human), and they largely mean something completely different. Queen does not have the same connotations as King ok. What's that post where the op is like the only time I want to be a man is when the guy selling me a kebab calls everyone but me brother? I get it!!! I really get it!! I've always spent a lot of time with men and I'm irrationally jealous of all my friends being 'brother' and 'mate' to each other when ppl awkwardly call me by some feminine alternative that barely means the same thing.

So in recent years I've decided to lean in to it. Something i only feel is possible, largely because in recent years I'm so much more comfortable with my gender. It always felt like something that had been imposed on me. I didn't want to be a man but I was so jealous.  I didn't really want to be a woman either, if society was right about what being a woman meant. But I know now that's not what being a woman is at all. I've spoken about this before but I feel I owe the trans community a great debt, because it was in hearing their stories and hearing about what gender meant to them, that I really began to see that it was possible to love being a woman! Trans women showed me that there's a joy to be found in expressing my gender. It's not imposed on me, I'm choosing to express the parts of femininity that matter to me. I'd support trans rights anyway because they are people and deserve to be treated well as they express their own body autonomy, just like anyone else. But I'm passionate about the messages underlying their community (those of self love and seeking happiness. Loving your gender and being free to express it) because I know they are right!! I feel like I need to keep telling people because honestly, I feel like trans women have given me a gift, in showing me what it is to be proud to be a woman. I'm proud to share my gender with women like that.

If I want to refer to myself as a guy, or a dude, and say I feel like a king for winning something, and let my friends call me brother too; well I'm free to do so, if I feel those terms are gender neutral when I use them to refer to myself then they are. That can't make me any less of a woman because thanks to the influence of trans women I've finally embraced being a woman. I love my gender, I love being a woman and if I want to be a woman who's using gender neutral terms of address, then I can be. I'm no less a woman than any women who want to use the terms I'm personally uncomfortable with. Loving who you are and loving your gender is about keeping the parts of that gender expression that make you happy and leaving the rest for the people that do want them.

Anyway. This post is brought to you by me seeing the humour in the fact that because I now use guy and dude to refer to myself, and do so in settings online where nobody even knows my name, I'm now optionally letting people assume I'm a man without them even seeing my name. Which is pretty funny tbh considering I've spent my whole life being mad about ppl assuming I'm a man when they see my name in an email and trying to avoid it. So yeah, gender neutral names, I'm a fan all round.