#ok here we go here's our cast list

[devosin]

COOKING HAVEN, them cooking, cooking together with them, food tasting, everything you want in a food related fic <3

gender neutral reader / tooth-rotting fluff / crack taken seriously / entire twst cast / Aggressive flirting? Aggressive Flirting. / Really indulgent /

01. HEARTSLABYUL

Trey sighs, rubbing his forehead as he fights the will to stare back up at Ace's hands, as he struggles to chop the peppers on the cutting board, . . "Ace . .?", he calls out as softly as he can muster, and he stares up at him, "yeah?" . . "Take off the knife guard"

Ace stares at him dumbfounded, his head tilting slightly as he looks back at him blankly, "What?" he asks, "The plastic cover on the knife, Ace.", he looks at the knife blankly, then attempts to pull off the cover, his mouth opening to a round 'O' shape, when it comes off.

"Sorry, first time using . . err, fancy knifes." he says as he sets the cover aside, moving back to cutting the peppers as slow as humanely possible, careful not to cut his hands, "Well it feels like the first time you've cut anything in general, so I don't know what argument you're trying to make here." Trey spits back, slightly agitated with his slow movements.

Cater and Riddle, setting up equipment, mainly because Trey doesn't trust Riddle in the kitchen yet, . . he also doesn't trust either of them to be alone with the equipment alone, but together, it's different.

"Trey said to boil four cups of water?", Riddle states but it comes out in the form of a question because honestly he doesn't know what he's doing, "Like a coffee mug, right?", Cater asks holding up a small mug he found on the counter, "I think so, I mean what's the difference!" (There is in fact, a massive difference.)

After setting that up, where they may or may not have spilt water all over the counter; Cater runs a rag through the wet counters, cleaning over the leftover residue, "Didn't Trey mention something about, needing some yeast?" he asks.

Riddle thinks for a moment, "I think we'll be fine, baking doesn't need yeast right."

"Yeah you're probably right", replies Cater, as he stretches his arms, "I guess were done then", Riddle nods, "Mhm, wonder why Trey didn't give us more work."

"Yeah it's almost like he doubts our abilities in the kitchen", Cater states casually, "But were so helpful", "Exactly." (The delusional speaking to the delusional.)

Y/n, Deuce, and Trey baking together.

"Ok so the soup is boiling, I think we can try prepping the bread now?", Trey asks, "Sure thing", you reply, while Deuce helps tie your apron from the back.

"Just one problem . ." Deuce speaks up, finally letting go of the strings of your apron, and looking around at the ingredients laid on the counter, ". . . We're out of yeast." . . You pause, "doesn't all baking recipes, require yeast—"

Trey blinks . . "GOD FUCKING DAMN IT."

02. DIASOMNIA

Lilia looks over the recipe book, about one whole time before he deems it useless and throws it to the side (It lands in the trash, because clearly THE Lilia Vanrouge doesn't require such things), "Okay so we need some flour, oil, water—", he continues listing ingredients while Sebek goes out of his way to grab everything he mentions as fast as possible on the table.

"—Salt, sugar, lemon", Sebek reaches into the cabinet, before muttering, "Lilia . . we're out of salt."

Lilia pauses, thinking for a moment, his inner cooking genius coming together in his head, trying to figure out a swift solution, "We can just use baking soda . . I mean they're both white powders, right?!", Sebek pauses, thinking it over, "Yeah sounds perfectly logical."

Malleus, you, and Silver were in charge of making drinks for the picnic you had planned.

"Where's Silver?" you ask Malleus, while he washes the fruits you both bought the day before, "He fell asleep, I didn't think it would be polite to wake him up", you hum in response, bringing out the chopping boards and knifes on the counter.

You both started cutting mindlessly, while chatting away, "So, what are we making anyways?", he asks curiously, "Just a virgin cocktail of sor—ow—fuck!", you drop the knife, "Are you okay?" Malleus asks, ushering to your side.

"I'm fine, it's just a small cut, do you have a band aid?", Malleus nods, "Let me go get it!" (He proceeded to do everything alone until silver woke up and choose to finally help with cutting the rest of the fruit.

The picnic was outside, everyone helped set up the area.

"Lilia . . what's this?", you ask curiously eyeing whatever baked good was on your plate . . (It shouldn't even be called a baked good), "I don't know, I just mixed a few things and threw it in the oven, it's good no?", he asks curiously.

"I can tell", Silver mumbles, as you bump his shoulders slightly, "Ah yes, so good—So good in fact, I might just save it for dinner . . I mean Crowley, and his underpayment—"

"You can take all of it back to Ramshackle", Lilia suggests, "NO!—I mean, I couldn't—really . . it would HURT me." (He delivered a basket of baked horrors to your dorm the next morning.)

03. SAVANACLAW

Ruggie draws out his sigh, a scowl permanently placed on his face, as he stares at your pathetic attempt at cutting meat, "No—not like that . . you're wasting so much good meat", he mumbled the last part, he's trying to be nice, really, but there's only so much patience one can maintain at your mediocre cutting abilities. 

"You're massacring the meat!", he states firmly, as he finally shoves you away from the cutting board, and takes over your job, leaving you no choice but to move aside and let him have his way, "You know, this wouldn't happen if you . . just taught me how to cut the meat . ." you mumble out in protest, your hands laying at your sides. 

"I did", he responds dismissively, "No, you just handed me a knife and told me to cut", "Exactly, it's called immersive learning, something you're clearly not good at." 

You hold up your middle finger, "Fuck you", you bite back, but Ruggie doesn't respond back this time, focusing more so on cutting the expensive cut of meat he got off of Leona's Credit Card.

Leona enters the kitchen while you both were well near finished with kitting the meat.

"Morning", he yawns out, "So close, it's the afternoon", you blurt out, rolling your eyes at his overall casual demeanor, meanwhile you've been dealing with star michelin chef Ruggie's nagging all morning, from your cutting game, to how you can't just eyeball salt levels. 

"Close enough" he shrugs, looking over the counter, "Watcha' making?", he asks blankly, "Minced meat, clearly", Ruggie says in the most deadpanned way possible, pointing to your mess of cut meat, "Oh shit, who massacred the meat?" Leona asks, Ruggie looks at you. 

You cough, and look away, "I tried teaching them", Ruggie says in the most distraught tone he can muster, "Well clearly not well enough", Leona states bluntly, and you let out a small chuckle at Ruggie's expense.  

Jack comes in, awhile after Leona leaves the room, he greets you both and looks at the cutting board, one side of minced and mushed meat, and the other with perfectly diced meat, "Who fuck up the meat?", he asks bluntly, and Ruggie looks at you again, "Seriously, is it that bad!?" 

04. POMEFIORE

"Are you sure I'm doing this right?", you mumble out, as you continue mixing away, "You're doing amazing, trickster!" Rook exclaims, way too fucking energetically for it being 3am in the goddamn morning, your arms were practically falling apart, already aching from the school day, and now you're stuck on mixing duty, of all things that are involved in the glorious process of baking, mixing is the worst part. 

“Ah—I think we need more apples, give me a moment”, Rook walks out of the kitchen, and Epel finally lays back, stretching his arms, before looking at you, a chuckle escapes him at your expression, “You look like shit”, he says blankly, “wow, I didn’t ask”, you respond back, staring at him blankly, as he moves closer to you. 

You guys stare at each other for a brief moment, before he smiles and flicks your forehead, “Cheer up, you look like the goddamn walking dead”. 

You blink, and a smile takes over your features after probably hours, “Fuck you”, you mumble out, under your breath, but he doesn’t take any offense, moving back to his original spot. 

A couple hours later, the pie was in the oven, the lights were off, Epel was on the counter, you sitting down beside the oven, while Rook was busy mixing some sort of cocktail or something, surprisingly he’s good at mixing drinks.

“So anyways, Ace was like, ‘he doesn’t even have a hairline, why does he need a comb for’—”, you speak, moving your hands around as you recount your story, when something enters the room, something green, and your oven alarm goes off, ‘ring, ring, ring’, and the next thing you know, you, Epel were screaming and running behind Rook. 

“Oh, Good morning Roi du Poison”, Rook says in his cheery voice, and you both turn your face from him to the figure on the door, and then Vil flicks on the lights, groaning, “Why are you two still up, and why are you YELLING!”, Vil says, trying to stay as calm as humanly possible, turns out he gets up at the ass crack of dawn, and that his morning mud mask is a putrid green, things to note. 

05. IGNIHYDE

Ortho, sets the flour on the counter, you'd be surprised at both his speed and strength if you didn't know he was a robot, and you're also not in the position to focus on him right now. 

"Do I need to wear this?", Idia asks softly, as you tie the pink apron on him from the bow, making sure the strings come together in a bow, "don't you want to make your brother happy?", you tease softly, a chuckle escaping you as you watch his shoulders slump and he mumbles out a soft, "yeah . . ", the tips of his hair burn pink, he’s embarrassed. 

"Do you need help with yours?", he asks pointing to the white apron on the counter, you'd usually say no, but who are you to refuse when he already seems flustered over asking in the first place, "Yeah." 

Idia fiddles with the straps of the apron, struggling to tie a proper knot—"This isn't too tight, right?", he asks softly, and you nod. He ties a messy knot, that somehow holds together, you don't have to look at him to know he's embarrassed, you smile loosely, walking closer to Ortho, “Shall we start?”. 

06. SCARABIA

Kalim sits on top of the counter, headphones on, dangling his legs (he’s just a girl . . jkjk), as he watches you and Jamil cook. Too bad those headphones were soundproof, because what he thought was a cute interaction was actually World War 3 for you, “You call this a roti?”, Jamil asks you, trying his best to remain calm (he’s failing horribly), “Well it’s technically a roti . . “ you try and reason, the ingredients were the same . . technically. 

“. . .”, he pauses, taking a few deep breaths, trying to control his voice, which wasn’t working, “THAT’S A GODDAMN TRIANGLE”, you stare at Jamil blankly, “The roti has a good personality!” 

Jamil lifts the big pot full of water onto the stove, and sets everything up, probably because he didn’t trust you with many things, except pouring water into the pot, though he eyed you through the entire process, which at that point he could just do it himself, “Now put in the spices”, he says, as he watches bring out the turmeric jar. 

“How much?” you ask, as you take out the measuring spoons from the cabinet, “As much as your heart desires, only stop when your heart tells you to stop.”, he replies in the most serious way possible that you almost believed him. 

“Jamil?” you ask, “Yes?” he replies, straightening his back, “I meant the spices, not my love life, I don’t need advice from you of all people.”

“ . . . “ he pauses, “get the hell out of my kitchen . .” (He’s about to blow, actually), "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY—"

07. OCTAVINELLE

“Are you sure this is a reputable idea?”, you ask Azul as he looks through the ingredients Jade brought in for his new recipe idea, you don’t exactly understand why they asked you for your help, he has a multitude of workers to select from, but who are you to deny a cash offering, that’s just silly, Azul shakes his head, “Jade’s tastes are surely questionable, but he never fails when it comes to the Monstro Lounge.” he responds with a smile, his pen checking off everything in his list. 

“Why is Shrimpy here?”, Floyd asks curiously, leaning into the counter, placing his head in his hands, “To help, I guess . .” You respond, and Floyd shakes head, “No . . you need to eat”, Floyd says bluntly, “What? I ate!”, you snip back at him, confused at the sudden shift in topic, “No yeah, that’s why we asked you to come here, Floyd said you weren’t eating properly.”, Azul shrugs, as if this was just the most normal thing ever. 

And now you're here, on the table, eating something they served you, while Jade keeps you company, because apparently he’s not allowed in the kitchen for a month, after last week’s incident, which honestly you don’t want to know about. 

You take a bite of the pasta, they gave you way too big of a serving if you were being honest, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer, so you gave up trying to shut them down, you look up, and find Jade staring at you, “What?” you ask him curiously. 

“You have something on your face”, he says blankly and you quickly rub your face, trying to get whatever it is off, and he chuckles, “Kidding, you’re really easy to trick”, you frown but continue eating the food in front of you, “Hey . . Do you happen to know why Floyd calls you shrimpy?”, he asks, eyeing you curiously. 

You shake your head, no, "You wanna know why?", he asks casually, almost comfortingly but you try not to misread the situation, you nod, "Why?" 

"Because you're like a shrimp, tiny and weak, on the lower end of the food-chain—", you throw a piece of bread at him, "I'm kidding—Stop wasting the bread!", he says, as he moves away before you can throw more at him, "What's the real reason?", you ask again, "Because you seem weak and sad, I mean with how Crowley treats you and all—", he pauses, “he didn’t explain more than that, but you seemed lonely, like a lot of shrimps.” 

And that's when it hits you, like a truck, these fish breath assholes, care . . a lot . .  more than you give them credit for. 

commissions / discord server / (limited time only) personalized advent calendar

@ devosin , do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt my work/theme without prior permission and or confirmation.

[disfrutalakia]

Arkanis Lore and where it stands at October 31! A quick rundown by me Kia disfrutalakia

Ok hi hello guys, so I'm assuming that you guys know me from qsmp times and I'm also assuming that most of you are not into Arkanis be it because of the language barrier or lack of time, but you still want to watch your favorite cc in the event tomorrow? Well, I'm here to help, under the cut will be a rundown of the main story (I won't get into characters individual lore, only if they tie into the main story which most do to be fair) plus links to some resources that you can use to understand Arkanis!

This is by no means perfect and was made from using stuff from my own memory, which is not the best, others can feel free to add onto it as they wish <3

1 - What is Arkanis?

Arkanis is a portuguese speaking server that started back in September, it's powered by twitch and was started by Boiss Studios and Ostra Content, it has a heavy focus on rp.

2- Who are the creators in Arkanis?

As of now we have 25 creators in the cast, this includes ex qsmp participants like Pac, Mike, Bagi and Felps as well as some faces you might recognize from purgatory like Guaxinim, Himaru, Gabepeixe. The complete list of creators is bellow:

Pac, Mike, Himaru, Febatista, Bagi, Matt, Felps, Yayah, Guaxinim, Cherry, JVNQ, Choke, MeiaUm, Guhzera, Gabepeixe, Quel, Coreano, Wuant, Maethe and FunBabe were the first batch of creators that we met.

Last week there was the addition of new members consisting of Moonkase, Malena, LBeatriz, NickLink, Al3xey and Kazzio.

Most of the members are brazilian except for Kazzio and Wuant who are portuguese.

3- What's the story of Arkanis?

The story takes place in the small city of Valigma, and it starts with with mayor Jota hiring people that are known to us as specialists to help the town.

Valigma used to be a beautiful town and very rich but recently things have been going wrong, with the water being poluted and the citizens wearing a strange kind of mask.

4- Rundown of what we have by now (this will contain spoilers skip to section 5 if you don't want them <3)

After the specialists arrived in town, we are quickly introduced to the mayor, Jota, who has been in power for 8 years now being in the end of his second term when we meet him, he appears to be a strange sort of character who hides many things although at the time the specialists weren't sure of what.

Apart from Jota we also have two other big characters Bia Raux and Araldo. Bia is a witch of sorts who was banished from the town due to the chaos she caused while Araldo is the owner of a factory that produces batteries in town.

A big part of the story focuses on arkanya, or what we would call magic in our world, a type of energy that lets the person who controls it cast sort of spells that can either be for something good or something bad, there is always a consequence to using it tho

One of the first big events in Valigma was the discovery of ghosts, small creatures that are consistent of pure arkanya and don't have any memories from before their deaths, they form a bond with the specialists calling them their parents even

Remember Araldo, the factory owner from earlier? Yeah he comes into play now, since the beginning he seemed like a suspicious kind of fellow, not showing up to speak with people and forming a sort of rivalry with Gabepeixe, there are cases of Araldo trying to dig into Gabe's lab and even trying to stop him from the creation of machines, not wanting the specialist to become more powerful than him.

You guys will have to forgive me here cause my memory is not the best, but there was an occasion where Araldo cast a illusion over the specialists where they got to see what would happen if they went against him, including robots who destroyed the town. This ilusion. due to needing certain power led to the death of Alice who was the mayor's secretary.

This occasion led to the discovery that Araldo was also capable of using arkanya just like Bia.

That event deeply effected most of the specialists making almost all of them distrust Araldo and even go directly against him by allying with others like Bia and Jota.

For the safety of not only the specialists but also the ghosts who they called children JVNQ made a truce with Araldo, he wouldn't attack them for 25 days and the specialists wouldn't go near the factory in return

Things seemed to be working out, that is until one night Bagi and Gabepeixe (two of the specialists who hate Araldo the most) decided to sort of challenge him or at least taunt him and broke into the factory (which remember, it was banned) and stole/destroyed a creative motor that was powering up the place, nothing happened at the moment but the next day all the specialists were called and Araldo did the most horrible thing, he killed Amora and Denix (two of the ghosts I will introduce them in the next point) draining all of their arkanya and making them dissapear.

This led to three important events, most of the specialists began to choose real sides it was either Bia or Araldo. Jv trying to get Denix back (his son) strikes a deal with Araldo and is taken for days while Choke strikes a deal with Bia to begin her training

Currently Araldo status is banished from the town and his factory is no longer part of Valigma, he remains a big threat tho.

Now what about Bia? Well, she is a witch and seems to have connections with the town from before it was made even, she is extremely powerful and even if when we met her she seems to be weaker than normal she is no less of a threat.

Bia has one objective, to destroy Valigma and she will do that doesn't matter who stands in her way.

She has recently been gaining the trust of many people in town, due to the act of bringing Denix and Amora back.

And what about Bad and Fit? Where do they fit into the lore? Well the truth is, we don't know. the character Bad seems to be playing (Mister X) had never been talked about before, so they are pretty much fresh and new, we don't know how their stuff connects yet

5- Ghosts

As I mentioned earlier, there are small entities in Valigma who are tiny ghosts that act as children for the specialsts, they include:

Denix - The first one to be found, his parents are Gabepeixe, Coreano, JVNW and Yayah

Gris - The second one to be found, her parents are Guaxinim, Quel, Maethe and Mike

Amora - third one to be found, her parents are Bagi, Felps, MeiaUm and Matt

Milo - the fourth one to be found, his parents are Pac, Himaru, Guhzera and Febatista

Tucupi - the last ghost, his parents are mostly Choke and Wuant

6- Links to help you with Arkanis:

First of all, the summaries made by Tayr (one of the founders) are essential and probably your best resource to understanding the story without having to watch all the stream: Link to his channel

Second the Arkanis wiki, it's not complete but can help with knowing the characters better a little bit: Link to the wiki

Now you guys won't like this but, their twitter or bluesky, it's where they post the schedules for the week and do important announcements, personally I try to post all they announce in here: Link to their twitter Link to their bluesky

Their youtube where they post all of the cutscenes that are shown in game: Link to their youtube

And of course the beautiful Arkanis tag here on tumblr <3 it's a small one but it's a good place to find art and some liveblogs!

[5xlwriter]

Feedist Kinktober: Ex-Model

Part of a series of one-shots in response to @fatguarddog’s Feedist Kinktober 2024 prompts. I see this as a double response to the prompts Runway Ready and Wardrobe Woe.

“Thanks for your time, Brett,” I said, feigning a smile as I looked up from my clipboard. “We’ll call you!”

The muscle-bound hunk nodded cockily and pulled back on his stringy gymrat vest, giving us one last glimpse at his abs in the process before turning and leaving the audition room. His firm glutes shifted in his shorts as he vanished through the doors. I sighed.

Of course, there was no denying that Brett was absolutely gorgeous. He knew it, I knew it, anyone who saw him knew it. And while I might be tempted to call him up for a hookup, there was no way he was getting a callback for this show. He just didn’t have the right look.

The designer, Cherish Misère, was dark, edgy and honestly, kinda goth. There’s a lot that can be achieved with makeup and styling, of course, but nobody’s going to buy that with a jock like Brett. We were looking for skinny guys, with longer slender limbs and angled faces that we could make gaunt with contouring. Brett just didn’t fit the bill - and neither did many of the other hopefuls I’d seen that day. Ugh, Cherish was gonna kill me.

I huffed another deep sigh as I flipped the page on my clipboard, and then was stopped in my tracks at the photo attached to the next profile. That curly brown hair, those sharp, boyish features, those dark, arresting eyes… Tristan!

What a godsend! Tristan was absolutely perfect for the show. Cherish would eat him up, and all the clothes would fit like they were made for him. He and I had been students together. We’d studied Media & Communications and had gotten along well, but drifted in the couple of years since we graduated. He’d always modelled to raise funds when we were at uni, seeming to never need to hold down a real job as a result - but the last I heard, he was now skyrocketing up the corporate ladder, while I was sat here auditioning himbos for D-rate shows at the Fashion Week Fringe. It’s the sort of thing that would usually fill me with so much embarrassment that I’d find an escape route - we gays always compare ourselves to our peers - but in this instance, I didn’t care. I was just glad to finally have found some actual talent! The day was not a complete waste after all.

“Bring in the next one,” I called to my assistant and tried to make myself look as relaxed as possible. I was going to feign surprise, like I’d been caught off-guard. I needed to look busy and important. I sat up straight, eyes fixed on my clipboard until I heard someone shuffle in front of me.

“Hey, Rick!” He announced. His voice was just as I remembered it, but… maybe a touch deeper?

I looked up, ready to burst into a big smile and announce what a pleasant surprise it was to see him again. But then, I really was caught off-guard. My thoughts ground to a halt, leaving an uncomfortable pause as my brain scrambled to register what was going on.

My assistant intervened. “Um, Rick, this is…”

“—Tristan!” I interjected, finally managing the smile I’d been preparing, though I’m not sure how convincing it came off. “What a surprise!”

The surprise was that Tristan was fat. OK, that was maybe a little dramatic - he wasn’t fat fat. But I guessed him to be at least 50 or 60lbs heavier than the 135lbs he listed on his modelling profile - which made him gay fat. I couldn’t believe it!

I was so conflicted. On the one hand, I was a little ashamed to admit that part of me loved seeing perfect Tristan let himself go like this. He had always been nothing but kind to me, so it was completely mean-spirited of me, but I couldn’t help being jealous of all his achievements. It was nice to finally have one up on him, having maintained my own figure - heck, maybe even improved it? - since graduating.

On the other hand, there was no way I could cast Tristan with him looking like this. I could tell just by looking at him that it would take a small miracle to squeeze him into anything Cherish made, which meant I’d just lost my star model just as quickly as I thought I’d found him.

That, I had to worry about later. For now I had to finish this encounter with my old friend, let him down without hurting his feelings, and maybe find out what had caused him to blow up. Maybe he was depressed?

He didn’t look depressed. He was smiling that famously enchanting smile of his, which now showed off the beginnings of a double chin. I made my way over to give him a hug.

“Heh, I thought you didn’t recognise me!” He said as he wrapped his softer arms around me. He was squishy all over.

“Of course I recognise you,” I said, trying to brush it off. “It’s so good to see all of you— I mean, to see you, it’s so good to see you…” Fuck.

Tristan didn’t seem to notice - or if he did, then he didn’t seem to mind. I was happy with either. We pressed on with the pleasantries, Tristan telling me about his latest promotion whilst I did my best to make my own job sound interesting. In truth, it was great catching up with him… Tristan was just so charming, and even with his fuller figure he just exuded a confidence and charisma that was unlike anyone I’d ever met… perhaps even more so then I remembered? He was definitely flirty, and somehow I found myself flirting back despite him no longer being my type.

I wasn’t quite sure how it had happened… Maybe it was witchcraft. Maybe I felt sorry for him. Or maybe it was just that trademark smile that he kept flashing me, undampened by his rounder face…

“I think you’d be a great fit!” I said, the words leaving my mouth without my permission. My brain protested but my lips kept moving. “We’ll see you Monday for the fittings, so we can get things taken in if we need to.” What the fuck was I saying? What was I doing?

As Tristan left with his paperwork, I caught the confused look on my assistant’s face and buried my head in my hands. Cherish was going to fucking kill me.

***

Monday came around fast. In that time, I’d managed to assemble a motley crew of gangly young men to model Cherish’s collection. None of them had walked a runway in their lives, nor did they really have the face card needed for a career in modelling, but they were the best I could rustle up with Fashion Week on the horizon.

We’d started the morning with runway rehearsals and trying to get some charisma out of these boys was like getting blood from a stone. I was relieved that Tristan hadn’t shown up. I figured he had come to the realisation that he quite literally wasn’t a good fit for this, and had decided to silently slink away, saving me a difficult conversation. Now all we had to do was avoid each other for the rest of our lives!

But no, it was never going to be that easy. Tristan arrived late, commanding attention as soon as he entered the studio, smiling and greeting his fellow models as he finished off the remainder of a large smoked salmon bagel loaded with cream cheese. Now there was someone with charisma. He didn’t even try. Nor did he try to excuse his tardiness. “We both know I don’t need practice at this!” he laughed warmly when we had a quiet moment together.

And he was right. He stomped the runway like a pro, showing each of the confused wannabes how it was done. He was the elephant in the room; he didn’t belong; and yet, he was putting them all to shame. I watched bitterly as he walked back up the length of the runway, noticing the slight jiggle and bounce in his body with each deliberate step he made. Ugh, I was not looking forward to this conversation…

Later, as we prepared for the session with wardrobe, I pulled Tristan to one side.

“Listen, Tristan, I need to talk with you,” I said, trying to sound both relaxed and in control. “You know I think you’re amazing, but I don’t think this is the right gig for you…”

Tristan raised an eyebrow for a moment, not sure what to make of what I’d said, before he burst out laughing. “Ha, yeah, good one Rick. Don’t worry, I’ll help the other guys get the hang of it. It’s not rocket science.”

I frowned. “No, Tristan, you don’t understand…” Ugh! I hated this! “I’m serious. I don’t think you’re the right… fit…” I couldn’t stop myself from glancing at his round midsection when I said it - only for a fraction of a second, but Tristan was quick enough to catch it.

“Oh…” he said, looking down at his body for a moment. “You think I’m too fat?” He looked hurt. I’d never seen him not radiating charm and confidence, but in the moment all of that dissipated. He looked like a little lost puppy. “I know I’ve gained a few… I’ve been working flat out at the office… But I didn’t think it was that bad…”

“It’s not!” I blurted out in a panic, desperate to backtrack. “You look great! Better than ever, actually. You look really healthy. That’s super in right now!” It was all lies, and I hated myself for it, but seeing that famous smile return to his face made it worth it.

And so Tristan was whisked off to wardrobe, where we tried to squeeze him into some of the pieces. I thought maybe, if we went with something layered, we could disguise his bulked up body and it might be OK. I was wrong.

Tristan was wearing a black ripped vest, designed to be tight even on a slender model, but practically painted onto him now and emphasising the ball of flesh at his waist. The fact it was ripped made him look like he’d burst out of it. When he moved his arms too high, a little slither of soft flesh would peek out the bottom. He wore a big leather trench coat, down to the floor, which I figured would do a lot of the heavy lifting in making Tristan look presentable - except, we couldn’t fasten it shut over his middle. And on his bottom half, he just wore his underwear and socks, as absolutely nothing that Cherish had designed would slide over his newly thickened thighs and ass.

Fortunately, Tristan may have been oblivious to how much he’d grown, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew this wasn’t going to work. Quietly, he wrestled himself out of the tight garments we’d given him and began to change into his own clothes. I kept my distance and tried to focus on the other boys. Later, as Tristan was leaving, I followed him out.

“Hey Tristan,” I called. “Wait up!” He turned to face me, and was still smiling, but he looked tired and pensive.

“Thanks for the opportunity, Rick! Sorry it didn’t work out.” He said, before surprising me by tapping his softer middle. “Guess I’ve been neglecting the gym!”

“Don’t worry about it, T,” I said. “You still look great and you can definitely work it off — if you want to,” I paused for a moment, hesitating as I decided whether to say what I was about to say. “Or… In the meantime, my friend runs this other company…” I handed him the card.

“Max Macdonald - Plus Size Agency”, Tristan read off the card. He sounded unsure and I thought I might have offended him again, but eventually he pocketed the card. “Thanks, Rick,” he said, giving me a quick hug. “See you around!”

***

As it happened, I never did see Tristan again. It had been four years since our awkward encounter when I found myself in a bar, catching up with my old friend Max, who I also hadn’t seen in years. Being an adult sucked!

Max had been vocally admiring a large man at the bar, telling me in great detail why this stranger’s corpulent body was so superior to the kind of talent I represented. (I’d learned my lesson and played to my strengths, now I had my own agency and was exclusively representing muscle-bound Greek Gods for high-profile names.)

None of it surprised me. Max had always been unashamedly into big guys, despite being in good shape himself. I’d seen him go through many boyfriends - usually they were varying degrees of fat, but sometimes there was a twink or two. They’d soon start to bulk up around him and usually this was when they wised up to his feeder ways and dumped him. He didn’t seem to care, and I always loved that about him. I definitely didn’t share his tastes, but I respected his unabashed commitment to them all the same.

And it seemed to be working out for him! After all, it was his love of big men that had led him to start the plus size agency that was now getting him contracts all over the world.

“Oh my god!” Max said, nearly spitting out his beer as a memory seemed to hit him like a truck. “I can’t believe I didn’t tell you!” He was laughing hysterically and I pressed him urgently for more details. Max was a great storyteller and I found myself eager to hear his tale.

“A few years ago, I was approached by this dude,” he started. I nodded. “He was young, super handsome and charismatic like no one else! He told me you’d sent him.” I paused, knowing instantly that he was talking about Tristan, though I didn’t let on. I wanted to see where this was going.

“He said he was interested in some modelling with me. I told him, ‘look man, you’re gorgeous and you’ve got it, but you’re not exactly plus size’…” He took another swig of his beer. “He was like 200lbs at most. At most!”

I laughed along. “Haha, yeah, sorry about that. I didn’t really know where else to send him. He was too fat for us, but clearly not fat enough for you!” I took a sip of my drink, feeling a little bad for leading Tristan towards more rejection.

“Not then he wasn’t!” laughed Max. I didn’t like the tone in his voice… it was… mischievous. He was relishing in this story. “But I bumped into him a couple of years later at a chub event downtown. I didn’t recognise him at first but he came right over and introduced himself… all 350lbs of him!”

“No fucking way!” My mouth dropped to the floor as my mind raced at a hundred miles an hour, trying to imagine how big a 350lb person would look… How big a 350lb Tristan would look! That more way more than twice the size he’d been at uni.

“Yes way, he was just in a jock strap and a leather harness, shaking and jiggling all over the dance floor. There was no hiding it. He wasn’t the fattest person there by a long shot - a couple of guys were almost twice as big as him - but everyone in the joint wanted to fuck him.” He sat back and smiled smugly, looking very pleased with himself.

I gasped. “You didn’t!”

“I did!” he said, a big grin on his face. “And it was great. Like really great. Man, I had to fucking work for it though. He asked if we could stop for something to eat on the way back to my place - and we did, three times!” He clearly found the story hilarious. “I paid for the lot… Worth it though!”

I was in shock, no longer finding it funny but trying my best to play along. I couldn’t believe that had happened. Maybe Max was just exaggerating. 350lbs? Surely not…

“So, did you end up signing him?” I asked.

“Nah,” said Max, looking a little solemn before finishing his drink. “When I woke up the next day, he’d vanished without a trace and I never saw him again…”

I was about to interject, to empathise for Max, and to tell him how shitty that was, but Max held up a hand to stop me. He wasn’t finished. That big grin had returned to his face and he fished his phone from his pocket.

“I never saw him again until last week…” he said, quickly navigating his home screen to pull up one of his fetish community apps. It didn’t phase me - like I said, Max had always been very open about this stuff.

“I was swiping through the other day when I saw this prize-winning pig…” he was practically giggling as he showed me the phone screen. It was a video, captioned with just two words: “Almost 500lbs”, with a pig nose emoji for emphasis. In the video, an absolutely enormous man was wearing a far too tight black half-zip sweater over a black t-shirt. He was standing close to the camera, with his head cut off by the frame. The strained clothes clung tightly to every curve, roll and fold on his fat frame: his giant tits threatened to burst out of the sweater (the zip of which would never fasten around his fat neck), while about 20cm of pure fat belly hung out the bottom, his gluttony on full view.

Why was Max showing me this? There was nothing to suggest this was Tristan. I became increasingly convinced that this was a practical joke. There was no way that someone who used to look like Tristan now looked like… this.

But then, the whale in the video took a few steps backwards as he jiggled his huge gut for the camera, and his fat face came into view. My world stopped for a moment: it was Tristan, no doubt about it.

Had I seen this veritable blob in the street, I would never have recognised him as my old friend. But I had been primed to see him, and see him I did: even though his sharp and boyish features were now buried under blubbery cheeks, there was no mistaking the charismatic allure of those eyes, which now seemed small and beady in his fat face. All the movement in his gut caused a loud burp to erupt from his mouth, and the smile that followed it as he looked upon his body with appreciation was unmistakably his. Even when being absolutely disgusting, something about Tristan was still so confident, so irresistible… he was magnetic.

“These are the clothes I was wearing when we first met back up,” he said to someone off screen, who chucked back. I recognised that laugh… “Can you believe that was only a year ago?”

“No,” came the familiar voice, as two arms entered the frame and began to pull off Tristan’s clothes, revealing his flabby body in all its perverted glory. The arms and voice belonged to someone older than Tristan by about 15 years. They were reasonably toned and thick with hair, and the strong-looking hands took big handfuls of Tristan’s tits and flesh, shaking it and making his whole body wobble. Then the anonymous figure moved into the screen, kissing Tristan on his big, fat cheek.

I almost dropped Max’s phone and had to do a double take. Was that our fucking professor?! He looked a little older than I remembered him, which was natural, but I was sure it was him.

“…but you’re nearly 100lbs bigger since then, so that’s not surprising,” he said seductively, bringing a cream filled bun up to Tristan’s lips. His mouth opened dutifully and made short work of the pastry, which got swallowed down into his giant gut.

“And why do you think that is?” huffed Tristan, rubbing his belly and stifling another burp. He looked so cocky and sure of himself… more than that, he looked like he was worshipping himself.

“Because,” said our old professor. “You’re a spoiled piggy who gets whatever he wants.”

[noemilivv]

PH MI GOSH ✨️ANON HERE I GOT ANOTHER IDEA (

So angel Is a performer, right?

So imagine, huskerdust meeting and slowly getting to know reader,, who also works under the vees but as a live theater actor.

Maybe huskerdust might have a crush, maybe not (depends if your ok with poly)

And he recently got cast as a character, and is panicking and angel offers to help, and husk watches, just so happy and affectionately by seeing the people he's closest to have fun in something their both good at

And they go to readers show, where he plays JD from Heather's (like Jamie muscatos ver.) And it's just fluff and maybe some hurt comfort when reader worries on opening night

(Also a one-shot idea but if u don't do those it's entirely ok)

Have fun, take breaks and don't forget to do the do!! Have a goody good :))

HELLOOO ✨ ANON MY LITTLE RAINBOW OF LOVE !! this is actually so cute, and the fact that reader is jd is even better, i haven’t watched heathers in a hot minute so i hope this is good!!

Warnings: Swear Words, Use of the F-Slur, Based loosely off of Heathers the Musical

“Meant to Be Yours”

Husk x MT!Performer!Reader x Angel

You paced your hotel room that was shared between you and your boyfriends, waiting for an email on casting results for the most recent show you auditioned for.

“Sugar, you did great, there’s no way they ain’t casting you, relax.” Angel said, with a sleeping and purring Husk in his arms, his face shoved in his fluff.

Before you could comment your phone dinged, you went to swipe up on it, before realizing it was the cast list. “Fuck!” You yelped, nearly dropping your phone.

Husk groaned, he had been woken up, shoving his face further into Angel’s poof, as your other boyfriend chuckled.

“Well, open it, what ‘re we waitin’ for?” Angel said, quite eager to see the results, being quite the big fan of Heathers himself.

You scrolled for a bit before yelling out a loud scream, “I GOT THE PART!”

“Fuck yeah, baby!” Angel cheered, tossing his arms up in the air.

A monotone, ‘Woo…’ came from Husks lips as he attempted once more to drift off to sleep, he cared, it’s just he was hungover and tired, what’d ya expect?

“Hey Ram, doesn’t the cafeteria have a no fags allowed rule?” Angel quoted from your script.

“…Line.” You muttered embarrassedly.

“They seem to have an open-” Before Angel could finish, he was cut off.

“Ohh!” You said in realization. “They seem to have an open door policy for assholes, though.” You recited, getting back into character almost instantly.

The both of you went on as Angel helped you practice and memorize your lines. But little did the two of you know, that your cat boyfriend who watched from afar, spent the whole time recording you guys out of sight…

After hearing you run lines and songs for almost three months straight, Husk and Angel definitely got them stuck in their heads.

You would hear Husk humming to ‘Freeze your Brain’ while he worked at the bar, and you would hear Angel banging out to ‘Our Love is God’ while in the shower.

You would’ve never expected them to be so supportive of this, but nonetheless your over the moon, theater was your life both on Earth and in Hell, so you’re glad your boyfriends seemed to enjoy it.

Opening night came sooner than you wanted it to, you were gonna miss the cast you grew to love, but more importantly…you were nervous. You had never performed infront of your boyfriends before and you didn’t want them to think you were bad by any means.

You sat in the mirror, doing your makeup to get ready to go to the theater, you could feel your hands shaking from what felt like every emotion known to man.

“You okay, sweetheart?” You heard a rough voice speak from the doorway, you could see him in your mirror, Husk.

“Yeah…” You say, setting down your concealer, “Just uh, nervous, for tonight.”

“Hey.” Husk says, approaching you, his paw resting on your shoulder. “No matter how it goes, you’ll do great, and me and Ange will be supporting from the sides.”

“I guess so, but what if you guys think I’m bad?” You say, looking at Husk through the mirror.

“Hon, we’ve watched you rehearse for this, we’ve seen you go over your lines, we’ve heard you sing your songs, which by the way, are stuck in my fuckin’ head thanks to you, mister. All three of us know just how good you are, and tonight is just an opportunity to show all of Hell how great our boyfriend is.” Husk said, chuckling slightly, ruffling your hair.

You turn to face him, and hug him while still sitting down, “Thank you, baby.” You mutter.

“Of course, Doll.”

[malarkgirlypop]

MEDIC! Part 37 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK OH FUCK!

TW- Violence

Based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, not hate to anyone involved.

Tag list: @imusicaddict, @b00ks1ut , @mstiemountainhop, @awaterfalls, @lovememadly92 @lucyfromtheoldhouse @blueberry-ovaries anyone else please let me know.

We picked two replacements up on the way to the checkpoint, the two young men got into the back and chatted to Grant and I along the way. 

Grant was showing off to the young men telling terrible jokes and long winded stories. The two soldiers stared blankly at him as he finished his latest joke. 

The joke didn’t land from the silence of the back seat, their confusion sent me into hysterics, soon the replacements joined in too, not really knowing what they were laughing at. 

I think the boys just wanted to impress Grant, him being their senior and all. They laughed politely even when they had no clue what was going on. The men just seemed to be happy to be spoken to. 

We hadn’t made it to the checkpoint just yet but for some reason Grant slowed the jeep. I cast my eyes forward focussing on the scene ahead of us. Other cars were scattered along the sides of the road, some blocking the path altogether. My brows furrowed as I looked over to Grant who wore the same expression. 

The car pulled to a stop parking the car in the middle of the road. He had left some space between the scene in front of us and the car. We both dismounted the car, Grant requesting the men in the backseat to stay put as we walked closer to the cars scattered across the road. 

“You should get back into the car Em.” Grant told me, not looking at me as he spoke. 

“I think there is safety in numbers.” I disagreed with his statement, I wasn’t going to sit in the car and potentially watch him walk alone into danger.  

My gut swirled and my skin tingled, something wasn’t right about this situation. 

We approached the cars, I swallowed my gasp as it rose in my throat. Lying on the ground were bodies, multiple people unmoving in pools of blood. I looked at Grant, concern lined his features as he took in the same information. 

I bent down, my fingers finding the inside of the neck of the man closest to me. He was cold to the touch with no sign of life under my fingertips. It seemed he had been here for quite some time, as I tried to pull his eyelids shut but rigour mortis had already set in. 

Grant watched me, I looked up to him to shake my head, a silent exchange. We hadn’t uttered a word to each other since we had gotten closer, as if the sound of our voices would disturb a monster lurking in the shadows. 

As if my thoughts had been said aloud, a man appeared from the darkness. Goosebumps rose on my skin and bile in my throat. The way he moved was unsettling, as if there weren’t bodies laying at our feet.   

I didn’t recognise the man, but he wore an American uniform, so he had to be one of ours. Grant gestured for me to come close to him, we had been on separate sides of the road. His hand was outstretched for mine. I rose from my position slowly trying not to spook the man now standing before us. 

My hand reached out for Grants as he took mine, he subtly pulled me behind him, stepping in front of me. My stomach churned, my breathing erratic. The voice inside my head called for me to drag Chuck back to the jeep and leave. But I stood silently, a pace behind Grant, still gripping his hand like a lifeline.  

“You ok man? Do you need some help?” Grant asked tentatively. His voice in the silent night made it seem as if he was yelling. I tried to even out my breaths. 

Grant’s question made the man stagger closer to us. I felt the blood drain from my face as my eyes focussed on the gun in his hand. The man laughed, smiling at us in the darkness. That action alone sent chills up my spine as the hairs on my neck stood on end. My grip grew even tighter on Chuck’s hand. I was silently begging him to leave with me. But instead he did the opposite, dropping my hand to my side. 

He glanced over his shoulder, a weary look on his face, he was trying to distance me from the man. I bit my tongue, but I couldn’t urge my feet to move forward. I was frozen watching Grant approach the man alone. 

“They wouldn’t give me any gas.” The man's slurs pulled our gazes from each other. We watched him cautiously like a wild animal, we had no idea what he was capable of.   

The drunk man motioned with the gun to the people who lay lifeless on the ground. I had only assumed, but his actions made it clear. He had killed them. This man was dangerous. 

“Krauts!” The man bent forward screaming at the dead man on the floor. I begged for my mouth to work, for my feet to work but all I could do was stand still watching in pure horror. My heartbeat fought to muffle all other sounds in my ears. Tears pricked my eyes, I didn’t care if they were Krauts he took their lives in cold blood, over gas.  

Grant moved forward. I whimpered silently. I willed him to stop with my eyes but he wasn’t looking at me, he hadn’t taken his eyes off of the soldier. He was inching closer to someone we couldn’t trust, who had killed over something as simple as gas. If we weren’t careful we could be on the receiving end of the weapon he carelessly flung about. 

The soldier stumbled away back to his jeep, turning his back on us. I finally willed my feet to move forward. The crunch of gravel underfoot seemed to be louder than bombs with each step I took. Grant must’ve felt the same way as his head snapped over his shoulder to look at me. He subtly shook his head, he was going to handle this. I was going to fight him over it but our second of refuge was soon shattered. 

Grant walked closer again to the man. I let the cry of protest die in my throat. 

“I tried to explain, this fucking limey wouldn’t listen. I think he was a Major.” The man’s words strung together in a long sentence as he again motioned to the man who was clearly dead. The man was an American Major, fuck. We’re fucked. 

“Hey private, we’ve got a problem here.” Grant spoke in an even tone. All I could do was watch, tears pricked in my eyes. We needed to get out of here, but we were already in too deep, there was no way out of this.  

“You got any gas?” The private asked with a vicious grin plastered on his face. He acted like Chuck hadn’t even spoken. 

“Why don’t you give me your weapon.” It wasn’t a question, Grant was going to take the gun off of the man whether he wanted him to or not. Chucked stepped forward, his hand outstretched readying to remove the weapon from the man himself. I stood still, my hands clasped together, I could feel my nails digging into my palms and the sheen of sweat that lined my brow.  

“I guess I’ll use his jeep, I-I don’t think he’s going to be needing it.” The man wandered away, back to the jeep the Major slumped beside. 

“Hold on a second there alright.” Grant yelled at the man, surging forward. It all happened too fast or too slow. I wasn’t sure. It all became a blur in the end. Grant’s actions caused the man to swing around from his journey back to the car, he raised his weapon with no hesitation. 

BANG. 

The shot rippled through the still night air. I watched the bullet leave from the gun, straight into Grant’s fucking head. With a sickening crack his head took the brunt of the force, his neck snapped to the side. Blood splattered as Grant crumpled to the ground. 

My screams pierced the air as I ran forward trying desperately to catch Chuck before he hit the ground, but I wasn’t fast enough. His dead weight crashing to the ground. 

I sobbed kneeling beside Grant as I took his torso into my lap. 

“Grant!” I wailed, his eyes rolled back in his head as his breathing became shallow. I pressed my hand to the injury trying to stop the bleeding but his blood seeped between my fingers and onto my pants.   

I couldn’t hear anything over my sobs. I didn’t know if the replacements had seen what happened or if they were calling for help. I didn’t even know where the man had gone. 

Turns out I should’ve been paying more attention. A pained scream strangled from my throat. A hand firmly gripped my hair and yanked me backwards. The force propelled me back, as my hands scrambled to release the death grip that tore the hair from my skull. My legs kicked out from beneath me, the hand not giving me enough time to find my footing. I screamed in pain as I was dragged all the way to the jeep. 

I looked up to find him. The soldier. But he wasn’t just the soldier that murdered my friend and took other innocent lives. His eyes were familiar. I wasn’t close enough to see it before. 

He’s the man from the bar. 

*************************************

Chapter 38

[nyxcharliechaos]

so me and @lemonking00 decided to make a tier list...but it's what neurodivergency/mental illness the cast of Hazbin/Helluva have

Explanations/are they medicated?/extra details or thoughts below because this will be a long post if I don't

ADHD- Millie: unmedicated, she just doesn't like it

Vox: medicated but OH BOY DOES HE FORGET, man will go 3 days without it before remembering then he's medicated for 4 days and they he's out of his ADHD medication! and it's ALWAYS when the pharmacy runs out and won't have it in for a few days

Bee: unmedicated she doesn't care she's just having fun

Clara: she's just here because LK said Odette was autistic and we wanted an ADHD/Autism sibling dynamic, I was going to skip them because we don't know much about either, she's properly medicated, Carmilla makes sure she takes her medication

Autism- Vaggie: we're all in agreement on this right?

Alastor: I know he's a sociopath but we've been joking he's autistic for a bit lol

Lucifer: his special interest is clearly ducks, yes he's canonically depressed but the autism is winnning

Sir Pentious: ok so everyone I know agrees with his so, mans got that autistic rizz

Vortex: ...ngl we just wanted him to be the ASD to Bee's ADHD being the ADHD/autism couple dynamic

Millie's dad: as stated by LK "he just seems autistic" and then explained farmers give off autistic energy, LK's the autistic redneck friend so I'll trust him on that

Lute: ...I have no explanation she just seems autistic, and like a homophobic homosexual

Zestial: so initially we put him in the group therapist tier but the autism won so we moved him

Odette: explanation for why she's here above

AuDHD (written as AUDI relating to a series of inside jokes but long story short half our friend group is AuDHD and one of said friends used to have an AUDI)- -Blitz special interest in horses, bad at emotions, he's not medicated, he should be on several medications, he's not on any of them

Charlie: ok hear me out, we all agree on the ADHD yes, but her dads got that tism ok, she would to. she is medicated, and Vaggie reminds her, but it's a gamble whether or not she'll take her medication even with a reminder

Cherri Bomb: ...bombs and just look at here that's my explanation for why she's here, no she's not medicated, there's other drugs, no it's not the same thing she doesn't care

Velvette: she's better about taking her medication than Vox is but she still forgets, always seems to run out around the same time as Vox...when they don't have the medication...being Valentino during that is great/j the two will lock the doors and make him deal with their unmedicated asses till the pharmacy has the medication again

Fizz: I don't think I need to explain why he's here, he's not medicated, he doesn't like the feeling and he likes himself better unmedicated, and Ozzie loves him either way so fuck getting his ADHD medication

Adam: simple explanation, ADHD and Autism is hereditary, so it had to come from somewhere and in the words of LK "it wasn't Eve, idk how but she's neurotypical", Adam doesn't believe people when they tell him he's AuDHD, so no he's not medicated

Emily: I'm not explaining myself, she is medicated and does take her ADHD medication on the daily, Sera will remind her and if she forgets after that Sera will just give her the medication

Depression- (depresso expresso because funny) Stolas: literally cannon, and while also Autistic unlike Lucifer the Autism is not winning

Octavia: I would be too if my family was that much of a mess

Barbie Wire: just fucking, look, no I'm not explaining this

Sera: (just makes gesture like, look at this bitch)

Twamatised- (referencing a joke in Gravity Falls) neither of these need explanations fucking look at the two that are here!

OCD- Moxxie: we actually added this catagory for him, he's just got those vibes

Niffty: I swear I remeber reading something on an old ZP era sketch dump saying she had slight OCD, I might be misremembering, probably, but got those vibes

Group Therapist- (fun fact this was initially a Husk only category but a lot more characters belonged in it then we thought) Husk: (points to episode 4) and yes depresso expresso as well but, I made this category for him so

Razzle & Dazzle, Fat Nuggets, Keekee, and the Egg Bois: all are here for similar reasons they're (basically) pets that bring joy and improve peoples mental states

Ozzie: I don't think I need to explain this one, since it's basically cannon

Rosie: ok so all the overlord are autistic (minus Vox), but they go to the category that takes priority and she's seen being a person you go to for advice so, this is just cannon

Carmilla: quote from LK "mom", that's why she's here, again all overlords are autistic (except Vox)

NDP- (narcissistic personality disorder) Verosika: we actually added this category for her so

Striker: ok this one's debatable but he definitely has a personality disorder of some sort

Valentino (KYS) was added just for Val to tell him to die

BITCH was added for reasons obvious if you look at the characters, no headcannons here we just wanted to call out these characters for being bitches

[avkima]

~invisible strings:jamie flattersxreader~

Chapter 1

Summary: after Bailey drags Reider (reader) to meet Britain’s friends for a little hangout a quick bond is formed between her and Jamie. Doesn’t matter though, she’s so in the friend zone. P.S summary will change chapter to chapter as new info is given

tags:friend groups, Bailey Bass is your bff, Avatar cast, Sam and Zoe are your parents simply because they can be, fluff, friends to lovers, angst, love triangle if you squint, unrequited love but it’s really not, closed door smut. Stay tuned for some Easter eggs of secret characters and plot lines.

wc: 1.2k

tag list↯

@neteyams-wh0re

💌💌💌💌

truly don’t think I’ve lived before I found you.

But it was always meant to be

I never saw the world until I looked into your deep brown eyes.

You were there in the little things, but how had our paths never crossed?

I never felt alive until I felt your touch.

As a connected duet we preform this experience together.

I wish to dance with you forever.

For eternity—

Not just till death do us part.

-jamie flatters

* “Shall I compare the to a summers day?”

“I’m more of a fall to be honest”

——————

I really needed to get out of my dorm. Or at least that’s what Bailey had been telling me when she caught me talking to myself while folding laundry. She would barge in unannounced when she felt the need. Today I had been home alone all day so ranting to myself about horrible Professor Quaritch was inevitable.

“I was winning an argument—now I’m off track” I glance at her as she strolls in.

“Oh my apologies weirdo.” She sits down next to me and begins folding too, “Have you been in here all day? It looks spotless!”

My tiny 250 square foot dorm could be cleaned top to bottom in an hour if I was being a perfectionist about it—or I had neglected it that week. But I wasn’t about to go through my whole list of antisocial activities which only included an hour or two of actual school work.

“Yeah mostly, that and Gilmore Girls”

“You live like you have no friends”

I chuckled, “I live like an introvert who has been with her friends all week!”

She frowned.

Bailey was the most bubbly extrovert I’ve met. Most of the time she was very understanding of our opposing personalities but to be honest I think she saw I was more in the dumps than I was letting on.

“Come on, you need to get your mind off of Chris and have some fun tonight!” Bailey gets a twinkle in her eyes, a plan is forming as she pulls me off of the beige couch. “It’s party time!”

I groan “I’m all for a little get together but I don’t know if I’m party ready.” Bailey tugs on my arms back and forth to get me to dance with her.

“Britain invited some of his friends and the group to his apartment. It’s gonna be like so chill, I promise no more than like 7 people.”

I frown, mulling over how truthful that statement really was and how uncomfortable I would be if it truly was a party.

She notices I haven’t exactly been won over and back tracks. “I said party but I didn’t really mean party. It’s so casual and you know me, you know Britain, and you know Jack.” She meets my eyes for the selling point blinking her big green eyes “plenty of people to hide behind.”

I sigh. I hadn’t met any of Britain’s friends but I knew Bailey hangs with them too so they couldn’t be too bad. If anything I can just be introduced and then let Bailey and Jack do all the talking.

“Ok sure.”

“Yay! We can bring drinks, our wine is gonna go bad soon.”

>————���—>

October In LA proved to be colder than I usually is. I regretted my sleeveless top but the jeans made up for it. With some chilled Merlot and some odd white claws or two in tow me and Bailey headed out to Britains apartment just off of 110 not far from campus. The smooth car ride in Bailey’s Camry proved useful for my mascara application. She had mentioned some of her boyfriend’s friends were single and encouraged me to at least get out of my sweat pants. I wasn’t getting my hopes up but I guess I was expecting something…maybe.

Britain’s apartment always smelled like something was cooking even when there was no food in the house. Tonight it smelled like burnt…toast?

Bailey scrunches her nose upon entering, “What did you burn?”. She asked Britain who opened the door for us.

“Popcorn.” He kisses her cheek and takes the drinks to the kitchen. “At least we have these” he tosses the bag of popcorn into the trash and takes some plastic cups out of the cabinet.

We set our bags down on the couch and look around at the seemingly empty apartment.

“Where are the boys?” Bailey asks, stepping closer to me. I know what she’s doing.

“Not sure actually,” he looks towards the hallway that led to his and his two roommates rooms. “Party’s here bros!”

My stomach flipped as a guy emerged from the hall, thankfully followed by Jack.

Jack greeted me with a smile and hug, “hey bro.”

The other guy he was with looked pretty friendly, a big smile on his face as he introduced himself. “Hey I’m Duane.”

“Reide.” I smile and shake his hand.

Britain calls out for ‘Filip and Jamie’ who we could hear laughing in one of the bedrooms down the hallway while we had been making our introductions.

One Filip and Jamie come walking down the hall—though I do not know which is which. They were still chuckling to each other from their conversation.

Bailey linked arms, probably trying to ground me with all these new people…new boys.

“So this is Jamie,” she gestures to the brunette with the sharper features who also seemed to be a few inches shorter than “and this is Filip.”

“this is Reider.” She finishes

“Everyone just calls me ‘Re or Reide.” I smile at them giving him my best attempt at confidence.

“Good to see you Reide.” Filip says he seems less chummy with me but this almost gives me more solidarity with him.

Jamie’s eyes catch my attention. They are blue or maybe hazel. The apartment lighting is still enough to see that he’s pretty. One of the hotter guys I’ve ever seen on campus.

“That’s a pretty name, ‘Reide.” He shakes my hand.

My flick wider and my cheeks grow hot.

He’s fucking British.

“Oh wow you have an accent.” Shove my hands in my back pocket, again posing myself as confident to make up for how frocking nervous I was to be talking to a cute boy.

“Yeah I’m from London.” His smile tells me he’s had this conversation a lot.

I panic a bit, not knowing whether he rather me just move on from his Britishness or if it would be rude to be so disinterested.

Bailey comes in to save me. “Well Britain burnt the single snack he had so is anyone up for a snack run?”

We all agreed the night would end in a movie and some games as we piled into Duane’s van.

He graciously offered to drive us to Walmart. Jack jumped in the passenger seat and immediately grabbed the auxcord.

The seating arrangement left me sitting in the middle of Jamie and Bailey. He smelled good though like cinnamon, vanilla and maybe pine. I hoped I smelled good, seeing as my body was so close to his. He was even cuter up close.

Jack started playing Get Him Back by Olivia Rodrigo and from there the chaos sprung. The boys belted the lyrics as if they had just been through some gut wrenching break up with their gaslighting boyfriend.

I giggled with Bailey, content. They seemed pretty cool but the night has just begun.

[ouroborealis-charnivore]

Crowley dying in s3

I wasn't sure how to start this meta. I've had this theory with possible (big possible) evidence sitting around for ages and I just didn't know what to do with the information.

After I'd already had this information, I only seen a hand full of others talk about it, but none have touched on it in the same way as the things I've found in my research.

So let's get on with it. For reference I'm going to tag @nightingalecottage and their lovely post here. I really recommend reading it. This theory only saw the light of day because of their post and I told them I would tag them with my meta since it lends a lot to it. And I promised myself that I would finish this for them.

Now for the meat and potatoes. I'll break it all down about how I found this information and how it might lend some theory about possible plot to s3.

This got really long so I put a cut.

-Silly narrator voice-

The facts were these.

To start I was doing research for a fic I'm working on and the details don't matter much but I'd planned to make my 'human' crowley a barrister. I was googling famous barristers for inspiration.

This lead me to wikipedia naturally as you do. And as I was looking over the list I saw this.

After seeing this name on the list of barristers in popular culture I had a mini freakout. Mainly because two things NG is a huge fan of Charles Dickens and A Tale of Two Cities is on the bookclub reading list. And I kept thinking why did this seem familiar and this is why.

A Tale of Two Cities is on the list of books that they recommend we read or were found in s2. So after I stopped freaking out I immediately went to the wiki page for this character. I wasn't too familiar with this book so I wanted to know more. As I was now super invested and intrigued. And found this.

Sydney Carton

I couldn't help be blown away by the similarities here between Sydney Carton and a certain depressed snake demon from s2. Morosely asking Shax on a bench in the first episode "What's the point of it all?"

For some context, in the novel Sydney Carton and his later best friend Charles Darnay share a striking semblance and are easily mistaken for each other. This is how Sydney is then able to make the switch with Darnay in the end saving his life.

This brings to mind of the lore that we know that Crowley and Aziraphale were once long ago one character and split into two. Also with the ideal casting choice that Terry Pratchett wanted one actor to play both roles. That would have been really interesting and funny. Also this plays into our favorite duo MS and DT having not worked together before because they were up for the same roles.

Let's move on to

Charles Darnay

Darnay resents his uncle's views much how Aziraphale resents certain aspects of heaven, but is never able to act on very much.

The note about Darnay being tutor of French made me chuckle considering what we know about Aziraphale being terrible at French. With that whole scene centered around it in s2.

Ok so we all are well versed and familiar with the famous Bastille scene. We all know the one and its clear the inspiration here for it comes from A Tale of Two Cities possibly.

Side note Darnay and Carton are both in love with Lucie here, but I posit that in the case of Good omens, Aziraphale is possibly both Darnay and Lucie. Making him the best friend and love intrest.

Lucie Manette

And finally why does any of this matter and what does this have to do with Crowley maybe dying in s3 you ask?

The one important detail in all of this is that at the end of the novel Carton heroically sacrificed himself to save his best friend and for the women he loves. He feels it gave him purpose and felt as if his life finally had meaning.

Two things here. The scene in which Carton swaps places with Darnay being able to pass as him well enough to save his life. Is very reminiscent of our Body Swap from s1. As well as the idea that in s3 this could also happen, but in the sense that Crowley does it to save Aziraphale's life. I clearly have no idea how s3 will play out.

Now I'm not saying that s3 will be as dramatic as all of this. It is still a comedy at its core. As others have touched on in meta and in nightingalecottage's post there are many little hints that point to the similarities and the idea that Crowley maybe doomed by the narrative. In a way, I personally don't think that Crowley's hypothetical death will be permanent. I just do not see that happening at all. A temporary death I could definitely see and it could also serve to show how much Crowley truly means to Aziraphale. The shock of it would maybe be similar to how Crowley thought he lost Aziraphale in s1 and could be a parallel.

In the end this is all speculation and theory. Either way the idea of it all makes me vibrate and I needed to finally share this with someone else. They wouldn't have recommended this book if there wasn't some sort of meaning here right? And its entirely possible I'm looking in the wrong direction.

Overall there are many parallels and similarities here between A Tale of Two Cities and certain parts of Good Omens, I'm sure I may have missed some and I just wanted to end this now before it gets too long. If you made it this far and have any other theories or something you want to add on to this please feel free to tag me. I release this into the void.

[bl-bracket]

forgive me, I know I could do this myself but I am both incredibly lazy and incredibly curious -- you have a detailed list of which Vice Versa universe each gmmtv show is in? Could we... have a peek? if not that's all right haha

*cracks knuckles* ok so it's probably not fully complete (it's been a bit since I last watched and I apparently didn't note everything down) and I've also included some other shows too but here's what I have

Vice Versa:

Universe 1 (the starting universe): Theory of Love is a show and Gun is specifically mentioned as being a real person, Tay Tawan is also a real person/actor in this universe

Universe 2 (the one where we spend the most time in): Theory of Love is just regular reality with all the characters being real people in it, Akk and Theo from Enchante are also just regular real people in it, Tay Tawan has a slightly different name and is a delivery driver not an actor, there's a vet named Mix played by Mix Sahaphap who is a vet irl

Conclusion: most gmmtv shows exist as shows in the first Vice Versa universe, while the shows are real life in the other, except for shows starring Tay Tawan or Mix since they're regular people in that universe. This also seems to set the idea that the shows in one universe are reality in the other.

But Vice Versa isn't the most complicated one. No, it's trying to untangle the web of what My School President establishes that's tricky

My School President

Bad Buddy is a tv show in their universe and Ohm, Nanon, and Mark are all referenced to be real people in their universe, however almost the entire main cast of My School President had minor or supporting roles in Bad Buddy so there's a lot of doppelganger stuff going on here

P'Aof makes a cameo as a different person (Tutor Nop) and references ATOTS with A Tale of Thousand Scores, but P'Aof directed Bad Buddy which is a show here so another doppelganger

Gun auditions at GMMTV records so they exist here

Now the special Our Skyy 2 episode takes place in an alternate universe and there they make references to Bad Buddy, A Tale of Thousand Stars, and He's Coming to Me

In the Bad Buddy and ATOTS Our Skyy episodes, they reveal that they take place in the same universe. I posit that this gives weight to the idea that He's Coming to Me also takes place in this universe.

BACK TO MSP, I saw a post that shows that there is like background easter eggs that show that MSP and The Eclipse also share a universe.

The Eclipse is then a tv show in Wandee Goodday, meaning that MSP is probably also a show in Wandee Goodday's universe

CONCLUSION: The characters of My School President are real people in the Universe 1 of Vice Versa and are characters in Universe 2. This is because of the existence of gmmtv and recognition of the actors and whatnot. This also means that the characters in The Eclipse are real people in universe 1 and characters in universe 2. Which means Bad Buddy, A Tale of Thousand Stars, He's Coming to Me, and Wandee Goodday would take place in universe 2 (which might be why we Mix as just a vet instead of an actor because his characters are real people), and Wandee Goodday would be a tv show in the MSP/The Eclipse universe.

Also, gay marriage is legal in Thailand in Universe 2. Tian and Phupha get engaged in the Our Skyy 2 special and I jsut saw that Fluke said that Oyei and Cher are married in Wandee Goodday, which also adds water to this theory!

Am I overthinking this and none of this was actually intentional by the people at GMMTV? Absolutely! But it's fun to think about and as long as you allow for the existence of doppelgangers (and ignore that the changes Vice Versa established as being true in Universe 2 doesn't appear at all in the shows that supposedly take place there) it doesn't completely contradict itself!

Now don't ask me if Midnight Museum fits into this because I have no idea where to begin with their multiverse

[paeliae-occasionally]

Placeholder Ask - Naveena Qs Part 2

Hello, @thecomfywriter I told you I would circle back to these questions so here we are maybe a month later…

i read your post on the runes system briefly (gorgeous by the way. great distraction from pathology. i’m always doing pathology 😔) BUTTTTT can you pls ramble more about it? i wanna know what makes someone of magic. sponsorship from ike? is there drama between the gods? how has it affected history? how does it affect believers and their contrasting dynamics? how does it affect politics?

I always have more magic rambles!

How is magic acquired?

Ok so it depends what type of magic.

Ahinti (Arcane) magic - this is the type that the mages use. This is taught as it manipulates the naturally occurring Ike in the world.

Druidic magic - This can also be taught as it also draws from the magic naturally around you

Sorcerers - To be a sorcerer you have to be born magic as you cast from a personal store of magic that you have since birth.

Runics - You can learn the runes under certain conditions.

So essentially the runes are weird because they cast using the natural Ike but using the runes like a catalyst to break individual simple components out of strands.

The runes themselves are cursed by the god of magic Ezemhaziel so that the weirder has to have suffered as he and Rin suffered at the hands of mortals. This essentially means they have to go through extreme loss and pain to the point of emptiness to be able to channel through the runes.

But after the condition is met they can be taught and train like other magic users.

Is there drama between the gods? How has this effected history?

The answer is yes and the relevant posts are here and here.

How does it affect believers and their contrasting dynamics? How does it effect politics?

Now this is an interesting one.

So in this world there is not a distinction between believers and non-believers in the gods, as they were quite obviously real and present in the past.

But, there are different religions that hold things higher than the gods, and think if the gods differently because of it. (I am not explaining the whole church of the eternal lore here but feel free to ask)

There is however conflict over what they believe about the gods.

Before the dissolution, many cities had patron gods and rituals and festivals surrounding a variety of gods. Notably some were treated more like folk heroes than how you would expect a god to be treated as many people has higher beliefs than the gods they could see before them.

These alignments with certain gods still effect culture in the modern day, whether through a societies values, their art, or their industry. Their favour with a god also likely acted as a shield in the pre-dissolution massacres, especially if they were protected by one of the older, more powerful gods.

The various churches have dramatically impacted politics especially surrounding the support or animosity towards magical research. (This parallels the supposed ‘religion/science divide in our world) They also have impacted laws in the will of the eternal, or control the daily schedule of entire nations as giant ethno-religions.

I might need to make another post about the various religions in the world. Not all of them are as fully fleshed out as I would like but there are a couple strong ones.

Anyway tagging the tag list:

@thelovelymachinery, @an-indecisive-nerd, @the-letterbox-archives, @oliolioxenfreewrites, @winvyre

@happypup-kitcat24, @wyked-ao3, @leahnardo-da-veggie, @alnaperera, @dearunreliablenarrator

@rumeysawrites, @urnumber1star, @seastarblue, @thecomfywriter

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 26 “Critical Stink” [Episode List] During a D&D session, Tim insists that he should be immune to poison damage. The gassy-as-usual Dave makes sure he’s gonna regret such request.

POV: Tim

Critical Stink

The evil Yuan-Ti general and his minions had us cornered: the humanoid snake turned out to be a bigger threat than our team expected. Radahm, our Rogue, managed to backstab one of the lesser enemies in front of us, who then bled to death mere minutes later. Ergg, the annoying wizard, quickly casted a defensive spell to protect us but the snake-like soldiers had weapons capable of undoing any form of magic (…something we never heard of before, in our years of adventures, but OK). 

I, the brave Paladin Desal, was our team’s last hope: I could attack our formidable foes with my mighty holy sword, getting closer to the general himself, whose venomous bite was just as dreaded as the blade of his mighty scimitar. Yet, I decided to go for it, I had nothing to fear, for The High One has granted me poison immunity many moons ago. This is why The Fate brought us here… why She brought me here.

It was all leading up to this.

I rush with all of my might towards the snake general, who noticed my deft movement, his long neck dodging my sword at the last second. He hissed back at me, his mouth going for my arm.

I felt his teeth piercing through my white armor, but once again, I had nothing to fear, for The High One has granted me poison immun-

“What do you mean I’m losing HP?!”

Me (Desal), Greg (Ergg) and Adam (Radahm) were having one of our D&D sessions, which are getting rarer given how busy we are. Dave was our DM for this Quest and… we didn’t really like where this was going. 

First, that whole bullshit with Yuan-Ti weapons undoing Greg’s magic (and magic in general apparently). Never heard of such thing nor we care, even though Dave found our shock quite delightful. And then -and this is more personal-, all of the sudden, my character stopped being immune to poison… because plot I guess!

“Dude!” I scolded Dave. “I thought we agreed on this like moo- I mean months ago.”

Adam and Greg backed me up, just because the wanted to dunk on Dave than anything else.

“Gentlemen.” our DM replied, in a mockingly formal tone. “…and Tim.” he turned to me and took a sip of his beer, then resumed talking. “What I told you back then was that The High One would grant Desal poison immunity in case you rolled a Nat 20 on a Defense Roll.”

I remained silent.

“And, I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t see a 20 anywhere on this table.”

The derisive sarcasm was just as annoying as it sounded, not even considering Dave being utterly wrong about this. If only I could find those papers where we actually took note of this…

“I’m with Tim on this one.” Greg said. “Also if he dies, our quest is basically over.”

“I guess we’re done then.” I said, referring more to the fact that Greg agreeing with me was basically a death sentence to any possibility of being right. “What about you, Adam?” I asked.

“Well, I got my share of EXP by backstabbing that snake guy, so I’m gonna try running away my next turn.” he snickered.

“Team of the year.” Dave commented, amused. 

“Disgusting.” Greg remarked.

“Wow the the True Neutral Rogue doing True Neutral things I’m such a bad player.” Adam replied.

“Hey! This is not about Adam’s admirable commitment to role-playing.” I pointed to our DM. “This is about Dave making up the rules.” 

“Here’s what I have to say about it.” 

Dave, who was wearing a brown hoodie and a pair of dark blue jeans, simply leaned a bit, the wooden chair he was sitting on cracking under his weight. One of my friend’s deafening farts soon followed, the wooden surface making it even louder. Not the first one my bro ripped during our D&D session (we were all high on beer and junk food, so gas was expected), but definitely one of the louder ones. While he still casually does it, I’m pretty sure, considering that evil smirk, that this one time he simply ripped one to, well, startle me, as he knows very well how awkward I (still) get whenever Dave is so chill about my fart kink.

“I guess a storm is getting closer.” Greg commented, after the 5 seconds blast ended.

Dave quickly snapped his fingers and pointed at him. “Good call. Let’s wrap it up.”

So our DM quickly made up that those Yuan-Tis that almost killed us are afraid of thunderstorms (ripping another thunder-fart to further prove his plot point) and thus they ran away, scared, leaving us there, licking our own wounds (almost literally, given Greg rolling a 4 when he attempted to heal us).

We survived, but that was pretty underwhelming.

“So Greg managed heal me, no more poison and shit like that.” I commented.

“I’m your DM: I decide if you get to survive tonight.” Dave reminded me, that annoying sarcastic smirk drawn on his face, fully aware of how annoying he was being.

But admittedly that’s part of the fun you know.

“Well that wasn’t fun at all guys, see you in about 6 months for our next session.” Adam said, as he got up and reached for his jacket. Greg did the same.

We had one last sip of beer together and then our friends left, leaving me and Dave alone at our place. It was late, about 1:00 AM, but also a Saturday.

As me and my bro/roommate tidied up the table we just finished playing on, he decided to keep making fun of my strategies.

“The first mistake was choosing the Paladin as your class, as I told you many moons ago.” he snickered.

“Says the Wizard enjoyer. Having fun casting shit from behind the trees?” 

“Yes, because I don’t get poisoned from there. Also, I’m more of a Bard you know.” 

“I shouldn’t get poisoned, you know it. But our DM got amnesia apparently.” 

Dave laughed, rolling his eyes. “Nat 20 on Defense Roll.” he spoke slowly. “Such a difficult concept to grasp!”

We sat once again at the now clean table, opened two more beers and we kept talking.

“Look, I’m not saying that you don’t remember it. But yes, you don’t remember it.”

“I don’t remember it.” Dave insisted. “Because it never happened.”

“Literally the only thing my character is going for is poison immunity.” I stated, perhaps exaggerating, but you get my point.

“Wow immunity against the worst damage type. Congratulations, Desal! You’re a Paladin, start summoning light pillars or some other gay shit!”

“Dave, we agreed on it. I DESERVE to be immune to poison.” I insisted.

“Fine.” my friend took a quick sip of beer. “All kinds of poison?”

“Yes.” I said, satisfied. 

“…even poison gas?” Dave said, a faint smirk appearing on his face.

“Well yes of course, especially pois- I know where this is going.” I glanced at him, unimpressed.

Indeed, Dave laughed and once again leaned, another loud blast erupting from his jeans-clad ass, the wooden chair under him enduring that powerful flatulence like a silent hero. 5 more seconds of farting and he was done.

“You g-gotta admit…” I said, bravely, almost shaking for how embarrassed I was. “That’s one type of poison I’m definitely immune to.” I joked, I tried to.

“Shut up.” Dave replied, chill as usual about my fetish. “You’re tough, I’ll give you that, but Tim…” he put his hand on my shoulder, being hilariously serious about all of this. “We’re talking about my farts: one of these days you’re gonna die because of me.” 

He finished that short speech by effortlessly ripping one more quick 2 seconds rip, faking a sad expression, as if I truly was risking my life. I managed to laugh, my boner however almost hitting the table for how good those farts were, a faint smell reaching my nostrils as well.

“Come on. Let me have this at least. Poison immunity in real life!” I kept joking.

Dave looked at me, with a smirk, then turned his attention to a D20 dice we left on the table and reached for it. 

“You know…” he started talking in a tone of voice that made me think this whole thing turned into a business deal for some reason. “I can grant you your precious poison immunity… if you pass the test…”.

He was fiddling with the dice, now looking back at me. 

“Let me guess: another rule you just made up.” I said.

“Not at all! I forced you through this test so many times lately… but tonight I decide if you actually passed it.” he laughed.

I had no idea what he was talking about. Or rather, pretended not to.

“I don’t understand. Are you planning some kind of challenge?”

“Sort of. I’ll just show you how it’s going to work.”

He passed the dice to me and I just stared at it for a few seconds.

“Roll the dice, Tim.” he said, with a smirk.

I played along and mindlessly let the dice fall on the table. It rolled for a few instants and then I read the number facing up out loud. “Meh, that’s a 4. I’m just like Greg.”

In response to what I just said, Dave snapped his finger to gain my attention. As I turned to him, he leaned once again and a thunderous fart echoed in the empty living room, easily surpassing the sounds coming from the TV across the room, the wooden surface of the chair he was destroying with his gas greatly increasing the loudness of the already powerful rip.

The blast lasted around 5 seconds and… that wasn’t rocket science, I knew where this was going now. I was speechless, I had no idea Dave would even think something like this. 

“No.” I simply said, shaking my head, embarrassed. 

I stood up, leaving the dice on the table, ignoring the fact that my friend could clearly see the tent I pitched through my blue sweatpants and walked towards the couch, as I kept repeating “No”, each time my bro laughing more and more.

“Scared, Desal?” he promptly asked. 

“No!” I took a big breath, turning back to my bud still sitting at the head of the table, his eyes glued on me, his smug smirk still drawn on his face. “It’s just… come on man… I don’t want to… of course I…”

Dave stood up and walked towards me, without losing that smile, now looking a bit more chill. “You know you don’t have to worry about this, not with me, right?” he simply asked, and I knew exactly what he meant.

“Alright…” I said. “I’ll do your dumb test.”

He laughed. “This also counts as me getting my revenge for, you know, you doubting my DM skills.” 

I figured I’d just give up: Dave was gonna blast me either way, and I deeply appreciated how he wanted to make sure that no, I had nothing to worry about, he knows I have this kink, he knows I was gonna like this… but that wasn’t going to stop him from torturing me with his well-known blasts. A “revenge”, as he calls it. 

Truth to be told, as much as my boner tells you other wise… I do have my limits, and my friend’s farts sounded very nasty tonight, fueled by hours of beers and low-quality food. What made it so dangerous (and hot) is that Dave is well aware of his skills, so he knew that this was indeed going to be a test.

My bro sat on the couch and nodded at me, as if what was going to happen was completely normal, so I sat next to him. 

“So… roll for initiative?” he joked, handing the dice back to me. 

“I hate you so much.” I replied. Dave just never ceases to amaze me though.

I let the dice roll on the small table in front of us, as Dave took a sip of his beer. We both watched it bounce around for a few moments, until it stopped, a big 7 facing up. 

The fart I heard when I rolled a 4 was already impressive so… how is a 7 going to sound like? My roommate seemed to read my mind since he elbowed me, smug smile and all.

I clumsily tried to ask how, well, he was going to face-fart me this time. “What do you want me to… you k-know.”

Dave simply put the beer on the table, right next to the dice and, still silent, simply stood up, towering over me, my face already aligned with his sagging denim ass. He stepped in front of me and reached for my head, planting it on that warm ass, still stinky for all the previous farts he ripped, a faint scent of rotten pizza greeting my nose. He held my face there for a few seconds, in silence, as if he wanted me to, well, enjoy that the leftovers of his previous rips.

But now, finally, the test has officially begun: a big fart engulfed my face, my friend barely needing to push it out, ripping that blast almost effortlessly. He firmly held my head in there, as if I was going to move it away, which obviously wasn’t going to happen.

And yet, Dave keeping my face into his roaring butt, letting me take big whiffs, was always a great bonus: whether he did that because he knew my kinky ass would like it or not… I just didn’t know, but I was ok with it nonetheless… as long as he was okay with me.

He raised his left leg a bit, letting his ass roar even louder. 

The impressive flatulence lasted 9 seconds: just beautiful, but I knew this wasn’t the worst (best?) my bud was going to hit me with tonight.

Dave let my head go, turned around to stare down at me, and laughed a bit. He then sat back next to me, as if nothing gross and weird happened.

“This is how you get poison gas immunity: you gotta train those nostrils first.”

“I hate you so much.” I repeated myself, as I took a sip of his beer.

He patted my shoulder in response. “No worries, your training will resume soon.”

I reached for that cursed D20 once again and fiddled with it a bit, before going for another roll.

“How long is this test going to last?” I genuinely asked, with a hint of sarcasm.

“We’ll see.” he winked at me, while looking at something on his smartphone.

Still deciding on whether I was or not the luckiest man in the world because I have a friend like him, I went for another roll, the D20 once again bouncing on the small table in front of us. Admittedly, I sighed in relief when I saw a 2.

“Remind me to never take you to Las Vegas…” Dave commented.

Since it was 2, my bro simply spread his long legs, showing off his sagging jeans in the process, and ripped a short (but still loud, despite being muffled by the couch) toot. Small for Dave’s standards, not even 4 seconds long, but still a nice sounding fart overall.

Not that I wasn’t aware of his skills, but the fact that those were all natural, back-to-back, was almost fascinating to me. Fetish or not, I wish I had such powers.

“Still pretty impressive for a 2, I gotta say.” I said, getting more comfortable with openly acknowledging Dave’s talent. 

My roommate chuckled in response. “Such a kinky bitch.” he joked.

As my way to challenge him after that ridiculous fart, I quickly went for another roll. The dice spun for a moment until it revealed the number at the top spot, which immediately made me swallow my pride: a 16.

“Looks like you’re gonna get your ass kicked, Paladin.”

“You better shut up or I’m gonna kick yours.”

“With what? Your nose?”

As Dave (rightfully) made fun of me, he stood up once again, this time on the couch, towering over me even more than before (he had no shoes anymore, only a pair of sweaty socks).

“Just… just do it.” I simply said, horny, my heart racing fast.

Amused, my friend managed to directly sit on my head, as if I was a stool. 

“You really want me to k-kill me?”

“I’m your FM: I decide if you get to survive tonight.”

I remained silent. “FM…?”

“FM dude.” Dave kept talking, still sitting on me, as if this was such a natural way to talk to each other. “FM!”

“I don’t get it.”

“Too much blood rushing down your cock, fine.” he said, knowing exactly how true that statement was. “I’ll give you a hint then.”

Treating me like the wooden chair he soiled with his gas, Dave leaned a bit, as he pushed the next rip out… but after a few seconds nothing came out. 

“I’m brewing a big one, give me a moment.”

And we just remained there, silent, the stench of his ass almost forming a fog around me, the rough surface of his sagging jeans brushing through my hair. I heard Dave laughing, fully aware how weird that scene must have looked.

“Alright, here it comes for real. Ready?”

He didn’t even wait for an answer as an earthquake shook my skull, making my body shake down to my knees. The vibration literally made some drops of pre-cum leak out of my penis, further proof of my friend’s incredible powers. The fart, needless to say, was so loud it almost made me deaf: I wasn’t made of wood, but the sound of Dave’s blast bounced off the top of my head quite nicely, sounding like a loud, low-pitched chainsaw.

21 seconds. 21 fucking seconds. All natural, all as disgusting as it sounds. I didn’t even need to sniff as I was probably trapped in an invisible bubble of gas.

Finally, after wiggling his ass a bit so my hair would completely absorb that fart, Dave stood up, ripping a couple of small toots while doing so, and sat back where he was. He looked at me with a smirk, but couldn’t help but laugh noticing me startled facial expression.

I’ll just never get used to this.

“FM… Fart Master… Fuck you.” I said, shaking my head.

“If it's any consolation… you almost earned that immunity you wished for.”

This is all just a dumb kinky game for him. I couldn’t be happier, but also holy shit, the thin line between kink and torture was getting blurry with a friend like him.

“Just say that I earned it. It’s late, we’re both tired.” I tried to end this, not that I wasn’t enjoying it but come on, I couldn’t force my straight bud to do, well, this, even though it was his idea to begin with. 

“Fine. One last roll.” he agreed.

I shook the dice in my fist for a few seconds before finally letting it fall one last time on the table. It bounced a couple of times, I could feel the tension rising.

And finally…

No.

No fucking way.

There’s no way this wasn’t scripted somehow.

“Uhhh… Dave?” I dared to turn to him. He was already laughing.

A Nat 20, a fucking Nat 20, something that I always crave during our D&D sessions, but this fucking dice decided that a FART session was more important apparently.

“That’s gonna be a critical hit, Tim.” Dave stated, standing up again.

“No way you got that much gas already.” I bravely said.

My friend laughed again, that usual smirk drawn on his face.

“I’m just gonna blast you on command for a bit.”

The fact that he said that sentence so naturally made me leak a bit more.

“uhhh… thanks?” I said, my brain now completely devoid of any blood.

“Yeah sure, just lie down so I can put an end to this test.” I obeyed. “And also to your face, obviously.” he added, pointing down at me.

Once again, as if it was something completely mundane, Dave waited for me to lie down, so he could simply sit directly on my face, treating my head as part of the couch. Then, he just sat down on me as he said, the sagging jeans-clad asscheeks basically devouring my face. I couldn’t see anything but some details of the seams and textures of my friend’s jeans; at the same time, I felt the warmness, the stench, the sweat, all at once. I was used to my bro blasting me up close and personal, but this time it felt particularly overwhelming.

He wasn’t crushing me (I’m sure he was doing his best not to), but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t feel most of his weight all over my face. As his ass was resting on my nose, he put one leg on the table in front of the couch and leaned a bit, so he could ease some gas out… or rather in. 

As promised, Dave was gonna fart-face me on command for the critical hit. He masterfully sucked some air in, showing off his skills smoothly. I knew this was gonna be a fucking fart concert. I was both horny and scared, because my bro is indeed the Fart Master, as he bragged earlier.

His ass stopped making noises, a sign that what came in was going to be blasted out soon.

“I mean… all of this to earn something you had all along. What a thirsty bitch.”

I heard Dave say, playfully mockin- wait what? All along? But I didn’t have time to say anything back because of the loud fart that pierced through my eyes and ears. It sounded a bit more “airy” than his previous ones, given that it was on command, but oddly enough it’s like there was a mix of natural gas in there as well: the stench of spoiled beer definitely helped prove it.

The fart lasted 11 seconds, way “shorter” than the previous ones, but as I said, this was gonna be a concert, so as soon as the first blast ended, Dave started sucked air in again, faster than before, as another ass-thunder quickly went down my throat, loud and proud as my friend does them.

Basically, this concert was gonna be one long ass fart with many interruptions.

This one was more of a series of 7 loud long rips ripped back-to-back, lasting about 3 seconds each. It was insane: it was like somebody was shooting at my face point blank with a fucking shotgun.

At this point I started to wonder whether Dave knew I was still there, as he kept ripping farts as if there wasn’t anyone lying under his ass.

Now he was sitting full-weight on me, almost making me fuse with the couch. He spread his legs wide again, as much as his sagging jeans allowed him to, so he could easily release an impressive, meaty, loud, almost wet rip all over that sweaty mess that used to be my face. Now that’s definitely a mix of natural and on-command, and the fact it was slightly wet only made the smell burn my nostrils even more.

This one fart didn’t want to end instead, my bro’s ass roared all over my face like one of those beasts we fought earlier during our D&D session. A display of cocky, disgusting manliness I’ll never get used to, given how skilled Dave is.

Finally, after around 20 seconds, his ass went silent again. I heard Dave whistle in relief.

“You ok down there bro?” I managed to heard him say. So he does know I’m still here!

He got up just a bit, his ass hovering (or rather, looming) over me, just enough to let me slip out of that gas chamber. I sat back to my place as he let his ass sit on the couch again, this time without having me under it. I managed to give a quick look at my friend, who had this silly smile on his face. He was visibly disgusted, but also oddly amused.

“Than-“ but he cut me off.

“You know, you totally earned your poison immunity bro.” he paused for a few seconds. “I mean… that’s what I’d say if you didn’t already have one all along.”

Oh, right. “What the fuck does that mean…?” I asked, sounding a bit more rude than I wanted to.

Dave laughed. “I actually found our conversation from months ago.” he showed his phone to me. “This is the part where we agreed on your immunity, but I forgot.” He chuckled.

I skimmed through the messages and, indeed, I was right.

“You sick bastard.” I sneered at him.

He found it hilarious. I found it… well, I too thought that it was hilariously hot as fuck, but I had to fulfil my role of being a pain in the ass.

“So you just wanted to torture me.”

“Not at first.” he admitted. “Then again, it’s not like I need an excuse to blast you, right?” he then said, winking at me. “Plus, I’m a Bard, I can make music with everything.” he then added, patting his ass.

I just didn’t know what to say, so I did what every mighty Paladin would have done: I simply stood up, not caring about my very visible, damp, huge boner, and went beating my meat in the bathroom upstairs.

Honestly, if Dave took his role of DM as seriously as his role of being my FM, our D&D sessions would go much more smoothly.

The End

[sparkysxi]

Alien Stage Predictions

so ROUND 6 dropped. As an Ivan fan I am DEVASTATED. but we must move on (have copium he and sua are secretly ok) (this is VIVINOS we’re talking about those bitches are dead) so I decided to have a little speculation about future content in order to strengthen myself against the inevitable heartbreak I will feel

ROUND 6 is the official halfway point of the series, so here are a few things I think could happen/future videos likely to drop:

An IVANTILL video like MIZISUA explaining their backstory (the lab/adoption center) 

A solo Luka video and a solo Mizi video 

perhaps a video for Isaac and Dewey. I just think they deserve a duet but I am not as confident in this prediction 

A video about the human rebellion (perhaps rescuing Till?) 

A video in the style of TOP 3, as an in-universe advertisement for the Finals/ROUND 7 

Speaking of the finals, that’s literally going to be a self-harm-off. 

Till has lost two of the most important people in his life and was already Not There during ROUND 6 he is not doing well, and I think Luka only really feels “alive” on the Alien Stage, so he may be trying to kill himself through entering the competition multiple times 

Or Luka is fucking insane and wants a mountain of bodies behind him to prove his worth to the aliens

maybe because of his laundry list of physical illnesses-perhaps Luka is scared he will be abandoned or killed for being a burden to his owner?

I think I will go INSANE if Mizi manages to rescue Till, like they get out of the arena, but Till’s crazy ass goes BACK INSIDE, like how he did for Mizi all those years ago, because he’s not leaving without Ivan’s body to at least bury him properly 

like the cinematic parallels that could be achieved here UGH *chefs kiss*

also I think it would be really cool if Till’s character became an exploration of heteronormativity-he’s been pining after Mizi after all this time, but he realizes that the admiration he has for her is not the same as the love she shared with Sua or the love/obsession Ivan had for him 

maybe Till is gay/bisexual-or on the ace/aro spectrum 

regardless of what he is the societal expectations are likely that girl humans like boy humans and boy humans like girl humans 

Till enters his queer rebellion era how DARE these aliens expect him to do ANYTHING

alien historians will call MiziSua and IvanTill “just really good friends”

anyway I also expect more Sua and Ivan hallucinations 

perhaps they’ll act as “guiding spirits” from here on out??

wouldn’t it be cool if we got a post-death Ivan and Sua duet? maybe they’re singing to Till and Mizi from the afterlife 

I’m less confident about that one as well but I think it would be neat 

a video of saving the children from Anakt Garden-with Till at the helm using skills Ivan taught him-less confident here again but would be fun nonetheless

I think it’s pretty likely BOTH Hyuna and Luka will die by the end of the series-Hyuna’s already injured and Luka has death flags (wearing all white and having feelings of love/affection/obsession towards another who does not reciprocate it equally) 

The non reciprocated love appears to be a common thread between our male contestants, doesn’t it?

However Hyuna may survive-half the cast lives, half the cast dies kinda thing 

They all end up missing their counterparts

I think ultimately the final scene of the series will be very melancholy-they’ve won, but at what cost 

And a lot of choking 

Also: one very emotional scene where the characters actually talk to one another. Not singing: talking to one another

[detectivereads]

New/Old Detective Manga

Hi everyone,

I hope everyone is well.

Recently I have been wanting a new manga series while I wait for the new issues of Case Closed/ Detective Conan to come out. (I love that series so much)

So, I tried finding manga that is like Conan but with their own unique twist to it. Recently I have found several and I had come across a few in the past so I thought I would make a list of interesting detective/mystery manga. I would love to hear recommendations from anyone else.

Lizzie Newton by Hey-Jin Jeon- This was one of the first detective manga that I collected. I am sad that there were only 2 volumes released, because having a Victorian lady investigating murders is perfect. Lizzie Newton is a well to do lady in high society who loves three things: reading, writing and investigating murders.

Case Closed/ Detective Conan by Gosho Aoyama- What can I say 10/10. This is one of the best mystery series I have ever read. With a big mystery that you can follow through the course of the whole series and having other mysteries to go along with the big mysteries, each case is well crafted and unique. The cast of characters to go along with the story each one has a quirky thing about them, but they work well together. This is a mystery manga series that I would recommend to any newbie mystery manga reader.

The Invisible Man and His Soon-to-Be Wife by Iwatobineko- Ok this series is so cute, but it’s not super hard core in the mystery aspect like Case Closed or Ustoki Rhetoric, but the main characters are part of a detective agency, and they do go on cases. I have reviews posted in the manga section of my master list, so I won’t talk too much about it here. I really recommend this series.

Now these are the ones I found recently:

Usotoki Rhetoric by Ritsu Miyako- I don’t know why but lately I keep coming across historical type detectives lately, but I digress.  This story centers around a girl named Kanoko, who has a unique ability to hear lies, which unfortunately made her childhood very lonely growing up. So, she sets off on her own to find a place where no one knows her, and she can make a life for herself. Kanoko then runs into a detective, who is broke, and they team up to solve cases. I wasn’t sure if I was going to like this series, but I started reading it and I am hooked on it. Each case that they tackled was interesting but so far, my favorite case was the Doll Murder case, this manga pulled plot that I am sure Agatha Christie would be interested in.

Garden Club Detective Squad by 52chu- This series is amazing, I found this by accident. I think I saw the trailer and I investigated it. I was hooked and I pray that this will get a physical release. We have our main character Yeon, her family is moving to the countryside. This girl embodies school life. She loves to study, and she is amazing at sports and arts. Yeon has a goal to make her academic resume for the high school she wants to go to prefect. One the things she wants to do is be a president of a club and all the other clubs turn her down (they are terrified on how good she is) but she finds the Garden Club to fit her needs. But the club holds secrets that have been long buried.

My Dear Detective by Natsumi Ito- I have only read a little of this, but I was immediately interested, main character is a female detective, and the time is back in 1930. So, the views here are that women took care of the house, but not Hoshino Mitsuko she is determined to work for a living, and she has her job as a detective locked down.

I want to save this one for more in-depth reading so I will leave this one here, but I can tell you, I am excited for this.

The Strange House by Uketsu- Horror Writer Detective, my interest has been piqued. Now I like watching jump scares and some scary movies as much as the next person. But I came across this manga series by chance. I was worried that this was going to be a horror manga that was going to be gory. But so far apart from some speculations in the manga, the story is great. (yes, there is some dark themes here)

Our main character is a horror mystery writer turn amateur detective, they are given a blueprint of the house from a client one day asking about the layout of the house and one particular room in the house which first time reading the manga, I was trying to figure out the purpose of the room as well.

Now, looking at the cover art for this manga I was thinking that this was going to be in the same league with the other great horror manga writer Jinji Ito, I love this man’s art style but boy howdy he draws some scary scenes. I thought going in this that this manga wouldn’t hold my attention, but I am now waiting on pins and needles for the new chapter I need to know what happens.

Now I know there are like a few more series out there, but these series here are what has caught my attention at the moment.

[blackjackkent]

OK, time for another boss battle report, Cazador Szarr edition. This one got pretty elaborate. XD

Opening state of play:

Enemy list is Cazador plus two ghasts (labeled "Fallen Gur Hunter," upsettingly), four werewolves, a skeleton named "Chatterteeth," and six bats. The bats have one hit point each but I'm making no assumptions at this point.

Cazador starts out with seven stacks of a buff called "Ritual Sources" - corresponding to the seven spawn currently being held in magical fields around the arena - which gives him 70 temp HP, 7m extra movement speed, and extra necrotic damage. He also gets an individual unique buff for three of the spawn (For "Yousen", he gets an extra 2-16 hitpoint regain every turn, for "Violet" he gets a +5 to AC, and for Astarion himself, he gets an extra bonus action.)

All of this also means we are shorthanded by one person because Astarion is currently being used as a power socket. (On the bright side, despite the cutscene, he still has all his armor and stuff on, so maybe we can get him back into the fight and let him get the killing blow.)

Cazador can apparently use Call Lightning for ten turns without using a spell slot, with which he immediately beats the shit out of Jaheira on his first turn.

He can turn into vampire mist and run around the arena which makes him immune to non-magical damage. "This status is removed by sunlight," says the description of the form. Well, this at least is good news, because guess what Jaheira has:

The spawns themselves all have a "sacrificial lamb" condition which states: "If Cazador draws power from all the spawns bound this way three times, he will ascend." So we're on something of a time limit.

By the way Cazador has 270 hit points, including the 70 temp HP he's getting from the spawns. O.O;

We do get a bit of a hint to kick things off.

"Those runes," Karlach says. "Cazzy's using them to suck the power right out of those poor fuckers."

"If we can reach the glowing sigils, maybe we can redirect that power from him to us," says Hector.

First of all, I love that Karlach calls him "Cazzy". Second, I can't imagine Hector is much more thrilled about taking that power for himself, even temporarily, than he is about Cazador getting it, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

I think our top priority here is as follows:

a) Get everyone onto one of those sigils (ideally Astarion's? maybe we can get him back into the fight?) to start disrupting Cazador's power sources. b) Get Daylight cast on as much of the arena as possible. c) ????? we'll figure it out from there.

Let's go.

-----

Combat report:

Getting Karlach onto one of the sigils on her first turn passed one of the "Ritual Sources" buffs from Cazador onto her, so that seems like a good start. The problem here, though, is that stepping back OFF the sigil immediately gives the buff back to Cazador. So the utility here seems a bit limited since most of our squad is kinda up close and personal.

Not entirely clear on whether I am supposed to be trying to kill the non-Astarion spawn, although that does seem like it would certainly remove the buff more permanently. They're basically resistant to everything so it doesn't seem like a GREAT use of our time, but options feel really limited.

The ghasts are surprisingly annoying as they all run straight at Hector and cast Stench to make him nauseous, meaning he can't take actions. He's so powerful tho that he kills one of the werewolves with bonus actions alone.

Karlach meanwhile gets surrounded by all five bats and bit a whole bunch and Jaheira gets downed by the second round of Call Lightning. This is off to a great start.

The one spore zombie that was still following Jaheira around from the fight earlier misses every single one of its attacks in this fight, bless its heart.

Hector manages to take out all the ghasts by turn three but is now the only good guy conscious on the field as Karlach has gotten bitten into unconsciousness. More bats have spawned at the start of the round. Cazador has managed to avoid starting his turn in the Daylight spell repeatedly so he has not yet taken any damage from it yet. All the bats have now come over to surround Hector instead. This is going terribly.

DISCOVERY: When Jaheira's spore zombie kills something (in this case, a bat) it turns into a new friendly spore zombie! That's nice! Everything else, however, is terrible.

At this point, Cazador ascends. All of the spawns, including Astarion, explode into a giant pile of wet meat. Astarion's personal quest is marked complete. I sigh, very heavily, and reload. Yeesh.

Attempt 2!

I feel like there's a trick here that I'm missing, but the second pass does start off much more optimistically; Hector and Karlach are able to take out all three ghouls immediately and Jaheira gets Daylight up again.

Once again Jaheira gets wrecked at the top of the second round when Cazador gets his next turn. She really is squishy as fuck and I am not sure why I suck so badly at playing her. :( I love you, Jaheira, I'm sorry I keep getting you killed.

Eventually I got frustrated and sent Hector over to just whale on Cazador, and he's such a battering ram that he did manage to get him all the way down to 100HP. However, it was on turn 3 and so Cazador promptly got up afterwards and turned everyone into marinara sauce.

Realistically, Hector and Karlach are powerful enough between them that I'm pretty sure we can cheese this fight but just going straight to Cazador on turn 1 and beating the shit out of him; however, I would kind of like to figure out how to do this fight the "correct" way. Reload.

Attempt 3!

New strategy - what if we ignore all the enemies and just run all three of us onto three of the sigils immediately? (Specifically, the three sigils for the spawn that are giving him extra buffs. Unfortunately, they're of course the ones furthest away from us but we have dash actions for a reason.)

With this in mind, backing up an extra save and doing some pre-work. Jaheira gets the Misty Step amulet back, ritually casts Longstrider on everyone which will give them extra movement speed until long rest, and precasts Conjure Elemental, Conjure Woodland Being to get more bodies on the field, and Heroes Feast too, why not (immunity to the Stench poison for one thing), then casts Protection from Energy on herself to help offset the fucking Call Lightning that's wrecking us right out of the gate.

While I'm doing this, @ryssabrin comes in clutch with some advice in the replies in my previous post, pointing out that we can use the Help action on Astarion to pull him out of the ritual and back into the fight. "cazador will focus fire on him but he won't do the ritual." This is HUGE because that three-turn limit was what was really fucking things up.

So that's our new priority. Jaheira and Karlach go to stand on two of the sigils, and Hector books it towards Astarion to free him. Ryssabrin also pointed out the utility of Sanctuary in this case - presumably to put on Astarion if Cazzy is gonna focus fire him - so I have Hector load that up too, and cast Protection from Evil and Good on himself.

Heroes Feast is fun. It also gives us a big hamper of camp supplies in addition to all the buffs. Please fill in your own joke:

Mad prep, let's go:

OK let's give this another try. I'm not scared, what are you talking about.

In addition to all the buffs, we also luck out here somewhat in that on this run, all three of the team get top initiative (second only to Cazador himself). Jaheira's concentration on Protection from Energy gets broken INSTANTLY but she does take less damage than she did previously.

Jaheira misty steps onto Yousen's sigil, stealing Cazador's per-turn heal and one of his ritual stacks (and casts Daylight). Karlach goes to Violet's sigil and steals Cazador's extra AC and another ritual stack (and rages for extra DR). Hector as planned beelines straight for Astarion, Help-actions him into the fight, casts Sanctuary on him, and barrels towards one of the other sigils. Cazador is now down to four buff stacks and no special buffs, and cannot ascend. QUICKSAVE.

"YOU ARE GOING TO SUFFER FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID TO ME!" Astarion bellows, and then I have him stand absolutely still and not do anything, because he can't be targeted by attacks in Sanctuary but only while he doesn't attack anything. I like to think he is debuffing Cazador with the pure power of his ANGRY GLARE, though.

Jaheira once again gets fucking trounced immediately but at least her unconscious body is on top of the sigil so it's still debuffing Cazador.

Round 2 - Cazador's out of mist form and I could keep Hector on the sigil removing the extra stack from him - but realistically the dangerous ones were the two that Jaheira and Karlach are on. Hector is best served barreling straight at Cazador and battering ram smacking the shit out of him. So that is what he does. For a total of [does quick math] 183 DAMAGE! :D Cazador lost Call Lightning concentration too. Big moves from Team Juggernaut and this is all looking much more manageable. (For insult to injury he still had enough movement left to go and stand on the nearby sigil again too. XD )

Karlach hurled two separate health potions at Jaheira, using up both of her actions, and neither of them did anything useful for some reason. Very annoying. So now I just sit here while the 513451345 enemies on the field take their turns and hope for the best.

Time for some roleplay choices. Cazador is down to 65 HP and still prone, which means Astarion can get a sneak atack on him. So I make the executive decision to SCREW SANCTUARY because Astarion needs this killing blow.

Jaheira dies. Again. And, again, from a story perspective, we are pretending this didn't happen. XD

Round 3 - Cazador once again mists up, so I spend Hector and Karlach's turns taking out some of the adds. Astarion tries to take a stab at the mist form just to see if it works. It doesn't.

Round 4 - Hector flattens Cazador down to 13HP and positions himself to give Astarion sneak attack. Karlach stares menacingly at everyone...

And Astarion gets the killing blow.

And then we killed the 113451324 bats that had spawned during this whole process. Victory!

[ask-duotale-b2fc]

✨️Duotale FAQ✨️

Just in case peeps ask questions a lot lol. Will add more as we go.

•What exactly is this AU about?

Its just a funny little AU where not all monsters were locked underground and some went into hiding instead. Some species of monster in this AU can take on human form with their magic, hence why this is possible. Of course, this doesnt stop kiddos, human or monster, from climbing that darn mountain though.

•When is the next page?

Duotale updates every other Friday. Time varies but I try to keep it between 10am and 12pm EST. If either day falls on a holiday, the page will be posted the following day.

•Why is this AU called Duotale?

Because the two main characters are twins, hence the Duo in Duotale. Ok they aren't twins, but they are siblings, born a few months apart. Yes, Strawberry is the Older one.

•Is the player a thing in this AU?

Maybe, maybe not. Depends on the AUs in the Citadel. No one is controlling the Duotale cast though. They've had their own mind and actions from the start. Underplayer is in the Citadel though, if you count them as a player.

●Can my AU be featured in your comic?

Why yes. Just refer to the link in the Masterpost labeled "how to get your AU into the comic". Follow the rules, answer the questions, and you'll be in where we can fit you! Do note that we will try to spread everyone out through different MVC visits, so please, don't be upset if your appearance isn't automatic! You will be seen eventually before the story's end! Scene art and asks are a different story though.

•Will Kris make an appearance?

Yes :3. I'll leave it at that. Ralsei will make an appearance in asks or art, Susie may or may not be in the comic itself. Here's the boi. During the comic he's a lil toddler. (Gender explaination is below btw for those that care.)

•Is Kris gonna be Frisk or Luci's counterpart?

No. Neither. They will be their own person.

●Is Clover gonna make an appearance?

Like Kris, the cowboy ghost will be there, but unlike Kris, you won't see him in comic til the end. He will (and has already) pop up on our blog, like Dalv or Star sherrif boi, but in comic, sorry, hes in Asgore's castle and that's so far away right now lmao. But here's how he looks. Yes, he knows the fox stole his hat. He does not know where his gun is, though.

●Will xxx color soul child also be in this AU?

Depends. We already have the Yellow soul decided (obvi). If There's another colored child you wanna see pop up as a canon-to-duotale ghost at the end of the comic you can ask, but so far only Clover and MAYBE Marine(Patience soul) but the lore is off that comic might contradict yellow or ours so that's undecided. Any other kids so far would be only seen in the MVC. We're trying not to pick kids in full existing sets so thats why Clover and maybe Marine are our only choices so far. We are more likely to make up the rest tbh. No more red souls though beyond cameos. Red souls work a special way in our AU and there's not a lot (if any) that can fit that requirement.

•Can other ghosts see Chara/Luci?

Yes. And she can see said other ghosts. Strawberry can only see those that she summons and Blackberry can see ghosts as well. Frisky can sense spirits near him but obviously cannot see them.

●Why do some characters have rings around them?

That just means they're dead. Ghosts. Spirits that didn't move on to heven or hell. The ring color matches the color of their soul and doesn't change. Luci, Blackberry, Dalv, and Kris have special rings though. They change color based on emotions. This color changing mood ring is only available to one species and it starts becoming visible around puberty. Luci is fullblooded, hence why her ring is always visible and changing like a rainbow, though Blackie and Kris aren't fullblooded, so their rings might be a bit faultly ha. If you're every curious what the colors mean, you can refer to the link labeled "Luci's mood ring" on the master post. Or a more simplified list ca be found on her teen ref.

•What exactly are the main cast's species?

Blackie is is a halfbreed kitsune vampire, Luci is a purebreed vampire with demonic powers, Strawberry is a tanuki who practices witch magic, and Frisky is a human. He just has a magical scarf to give him wings like redbull. As for Kris... you'll figure it out. No spoilers, sorry lol.

•How did you come up with the idea of Duotale?

Originally this story was gonna be a comic of our own runs in Undertale, showing how they clash and would effect each other. Kinda like thise PMD comics and Nuzlocke animations people make. But somewhere between writing the script and making the first cover art, we changed our minds and made a whole AU instead.

•Is fanart allowed?

Yes uwu. You can find character info and all current ref sheets in the Masterpost, last section at the bottom :3 If ya tag me, I can reblog it in my main account so peeps can see it, and an account I have specifically for or art made by others so I wont lose it. Main account is @oatmealkitty . That is where all non ask/comic art goes.

•What ships are in this comic/blog?

Oh boy a hard question to answer. Ignoring any cameos, out of our own and JUST our own characters this is the list. I'm probably missing a LOT though as these are off the top of my mind.

☆Friskyberry (Frisk x Blackie) | ☆Charaberry (Luci x Strawberry) | ☆Charisk (Sugartale) | ☆Chariel (Luci x Cristal; in the past before adoption, though nothing comes of this.) | ☆Pappyton | ☆Soriel (They break up post story on mutual terms) | ☆Torgore (They break up before the story and never get back together.) | ☆Kingdings (Asgore's relationship post comic) | ☆Sansby (After Sans and Tori split) | ☆Alphyne | ☆Kris x Ralsei

•What are the pronouns of each character?

You will find all information on the masterpost, last section. If someone is missing we just didnt finish the refs yet. Apologies. Since I know MK, MTT and Blooky will be asked about due to lack of refs, they are all he/him here but Blooky and MK accept They/Them. Remember that this is an Alternate Universe, as in not sticking to the game's lore to a T. So please dont start a fuss over this. If canon versions of the characters ever speak or are spoken to in the Citadel, they will be referred to by the genders Toby (NOT THE FANDOM) placed on them, so be happy with that smh.

A note to avoid confusion since I KNOW this will cause issues if I don't give a bible explanation: WITHIN the comic, Kris' pronouns will be he/him, hence me calling the younger one he/him. Personally, I can't see a literal 3 year old toddler changing his gender or even caring about that. I know I sure didn't back then lol. I didn't care till damn near the end of highschool tbh. Soo, He starts requesting people use they/them (if possible) in his late teens as thats what I personally experienced. Sorry to anyone who wants out of the womb non binary/trans babies. Oh and when he's spoken to or about in another language, regaurdless of age, it will be male pronouns bc languages. Sorry, can't fix that either. That's just how languages work. So yeah, Tldr: In comic=he/him. In asks=they/them (he/him if non english language).

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✨️Asks✨️

•You can ask LITERALLY anything to ANYONE. Even the mods.

•All questions will go to the cast as they are in the comic, unless we allow asks for the adults for some reason. All asks starting in chapter 2 are considered canon.

•You can ask spoiler based questions, but they will either be heavily censored or answered in a joking manner as to not give away everything that happens in the story. Depending on the question, we may not be able to answer it at all though.

•All asks that seem like spam will be ignored. I know we answered them before jokingly but after a while it becomes too much. Also! We will ignore asks about religion (offensive/forcing), racism, sexism, stuff like that.

[klugami]

Hello everyone, welcome back to KlugAmi, the blog where I sometimes poop out content. Today, I’m writing an essay, since I believe some may be confused. After all: why ship this? There are better options for both of them, same sex, different sex, in school, and out of school. And even if we multiship, there’s not much these two have. In such an expansive cast, this could feel like the ‘Durr, Girl and Boy were classmates!’ that someone made up in Fever 1 that they stubbornly refuse to let go of.

Well, for starters, awesome, I like other Klug and Amitie pairings too, because that’s just natural. Secondly, I mean, there is SOME stuff these guys have. Some. These two have. That’s why we’re here! I guess we could call it “Why I like this pairing”.

As You may have gathered, “KuruAmi”, otherwise known as “KlugAmi”, “AmiKlug”, “AmiKuru”, or “24manzaishipping”, is a pairing that features Klug and Amitie from Puyo Puyo Fever. When we go to their debut, it seems pretty promising— he’s the only male who’s of a similar size to Amitie, and he interacts with her in a funny cutscene (though arguably the Raffina version is funnier) so it’d be pretty easy to go “Hey, I can work with this!” And work people did, as even as early as 2010. But wait! Didn’t Puyo Puyo Fever 2 release by then? And you’re right! It did! By that point, so did 7. But Fever 2 is important.

How, you may ask? Why, it gave us a whole extra interaction!! Multiple, in fact. If you will, Amitie is the only person to immediately (kind of) tell that Klug isn’t himself. By something minuscule. And from Klug’s end, he specifically wanted her to battle him again after his possession. So what does this mean for us? It means that Klug wanted (to beat up) Amitie. Ok, that’s not a good start. But they share a classs! That’s something!!

“Ehh? This is just a history lesson!!” You may ask. That it is! But if I listed every interaction we’d get really bored so we’re going to say that they’re canonically friends. That doesn’t say a lot for Amitie but it says a lot for Klug who is generally repulsive (affectionate)

So naturally, their dynamic is of an energetic if airheaded girl and a serious but almost foolish boy. Really, Klug has his moments where he is stupid, and Amitie has her moments of brilliance. By cranking it upward, you can almost craft a romantic dynamic out of this: if you wanted to, you could read Klug as “Tsundere”, and the Girl of Love incident helped matters none. And Amitie, being Amitie, is the type of person someone like the serious Klug would end up falling for.

Now that we’re out of canon, we can dip our toes into Fanon some more. Recall our friend Klug is a bit serious. He wouldn’t let his emotions show if it didn’t make him look good. And what would make him look lamer than being in love with Amitie? Precisely! He must hide it. Like a Moron. What of Amitie? As usual, she’s usually oblivious, but other times, the Magazine Incident side of her is brought up, being a sort of “Teasing Type”. You’ll find work where she’s the butt of the joke at times, so this can really go either way. Sometimes, fanfiction takes the approach of Amitie’s antics softening the boy up, be it intentionally or otherwise. Either way, it is his feelings that come first.

Now one must consider this fact: back in the day, there were fans of this pairing. Well, more fans than today I mean! If you search it up, you’ll get most results being OLD, with the first picture on Pixiv being 2009, and the first novel in 2010. That’s older than some Puyo fans as of today, and that’s not even counting anything sold at conventions back in the day that could predate Pixiv itself (2007). Of course, given that a majority of it is in Japanese, it’s very hard to make big gauges- in fact, of the fanfiction there is, my info is sourced from maybe… less than five of them! Well that’s why there are drawings, which have a similar idea- Lame Boy Klug! (Affectionate)

You may notice this section is rather short! That’s pretty easy. Let’s briefly mention that searching this pairing up may result in an unwanted, sinister option— that being Ayakuruami: the pairing of the Crimson Demon and Amitie (usually her 20th alt costume). This makes searching up difficult, especially if you’re using the JP name. However, if you brave yourself, you’ll find the normal works soon, so don’t give up yet!

As you know… this is a Klugami blog hell yeah!! We <3 KuruAmi!!! But I never really mention the exact dynamics I like… well, it’s complicated!

To start with, I think KuruAmi is most interesting to think about when it’s unrequited Klug → Amitie. This isn’t the most “canon” outlook, fuck, there’s no canon outlook, but I think the appeal is best to have a Klug go through the motions of romance while Amitie has no idea. Maybe she’d make fun of him, but she does not reciprocate.

This leads into my next favorite idea: KuruAmi becomes “real” when they’re older. What does this mean? As it is on the tin! Once they grow out of being dumb little tykes, we can then use their changing responsibilities (and the potential Tragedy that is Klug’s own Downfall) to really get into the juice of things.

We can go beyond the silly childhood romance we must get into the romance that would be overt. Imagine the Klug getting more desperate to become the greatest because he’s getting more aware of his inferiority because Amitie is just so cool. What if it’s because he wants to be on her Level. Do you know how crazy that’d be alongside the romantic baggage.

Amitie trying to become even closer, she already can tell when something is wrong, so what’ll happen if she realizes that Klug’s worsening himself because of his feelings for her? Even if she knows it’s mutual affection because she too loves him, what if this alone can’t save him? What if she would try anything to deter Klug from his tendency to draw ever closer to the End? Beautiful. Perfect.

But even ignoring the tragedy, this can still be fun. Amitie’s still Amitie, and she’d probably be excited about the idea, but once they actually go out, she would have no idea. In a way, Klug’s the same, but he’d put on a brave face. This can be at any time! So cool! Two inexperienced people who have their cards to their chest, but while Klug would play it off as if he’s got a good hand, Amitie is playing Go Fish. I guess that’s the metaphor.

What? Why should you ship it? You don’t have to, but it is quite funny. If nothing else, I urge you to give this pairing a spin- maybe one drawing, one Drabble, one thought in your head. If you don’t like it, that’s alright! There are probably more ships that are more interesting, or maybe you just don’t like these characters, or maybe you think they have a more platonic dynamic. Which is pretty cool, too, I think they could be funny friends if Klug did not tragically die in Los Vegas.

Whatever the case, I wanted to get my thoughts out. Uhm. This wasn’t. Really a conclusion.