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terramythos · 6 years ago

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My thoughts on October Daye #12 “Night and Silence” oooor “Dammit, Janet!” (suggestion courtesy of @mistressofmuses ).

And with this I am officially all caught up! Well, I haven’t read all the novellas and short stories, but caught up on the main series. Now I have to wait for #13 this year like a normal person! Gah!

-So, leading off from all the horrible shit that happened last book, things aren't going.. great.

-You know that intense, extreme trauma 2 members of the main cast experienced @ the end of last book? Yeah that. Didnt go away

-There's a line about how Tybalt keeps seeing Toby as her mother Amandine... the person who kidnapped and basically tortured him last book. And he's basically terrified of shapeshifting at all and has just stayed in his humanoid form. And he's refusing help from anyone and disappearing for long stretches. And maybe going just a little bit Fuckening Crazy. G-great start, guys!

-And there's a flashback where he's just MEAN and like you can understand why but MAJOR YIKES and also pain.

Ok unexpected May feels ;-;

-Gillian Is Missing Again but I have a feeling this is not gonna be much of a retread...

-And.. boy this sure is a callback huh? May and Quentin being the found family, Gillian is missing, Tybalt is antagonistic...

-ok Jocelyn is a creepy fangirl character

-ok I'm 5 chapters in and wondering where this is going. Apparently there's Quite The Twist in this one or at least that's what I suspect is going to happen

-oooohkay they find like this weird pocket dimension with like. A miniature house that is also a chicken (and no one even mentions Baba Yaga). And idk what it is about the scene but it is fucking eerie and creepy as hell somehow.

Shade appeared in like book 6 as a Literal Cat so.. here she is showing up and being relevant for 5 minutes

-but what the FUCK is with this place. I got nothing and that exposition just raises more questions. There's no magic scent at all (except MAYBE cinammon), a bunch of rare fucking plants, and a fucking miniature baba yaga hut just wandering around

-that opens another rabbit hole because Golden Gate Park is ALSO completely unclaimed for no particular reason 🤔

This might be a waste of picture and might get deleted later but like, that's fucking creepy, right???

-god I know there HAS to be someone with cinnamon in their magical signature who we've MET but... it's been 12 books, dog. I dont fuckin remember

-The closest I can think is Simon with "mulled cider" because that's cinnamony... BUT it's pretty unlikely he did this, and that part of his magical signature is PRE corruption and we have the corrupted version running around.

-We just found a SECOND creepy unexplainable house hidden in plain sight so that's starting to feel Thematic.

-And she smells the false Queen's magic in this house :) someone supposedly asleep for 100 years in Silences. So that's great.

-Aaand there's Gillain! Not even halfway through the book. Way too easy.

-It's not Gillian. It's a Baoban Sith which is apparently *googling* a.. vampire. Ok

-My crack theory is pretty much dead in the water lol

There's more than this bit but ;---; fuck dude

-But yeah! After a book and a half of hiatus, Tybalt's back! A little.. broken and suffering from severe PTSD, but you know.

-They go to Goldengreen based on a hint and Marcia is there baking cinnamon rolls. It really stresses the fact that she's making cinnamon rolls.

UM.

-.... holy shit.

-Ok. Ok ok. Assuming that's the truth that means Amandine's mother was.. a human? Making her a fucking CHANGELING Firstborn? What the fuuuuuck

-Oh that is fucking hysterical with what a fucking blood purist Amandine is. She looks down upon changelings and the beast races SO MUCH. Janet implies Amandine has no idea her mother was human, or at least never knew Janet. I'd bet she figured out she was part human because the Dochas Sidhe's whole deal is messing with one's heritage for fun results. Gosh. Hmm.

-And this mirrors everyone hiding October's heritage from her BEAUTIFULLY.

-I don't remember quite when "Miranda" was introduced but it was pretty early on. And now that I think of it there was NO REASON for her to fucking exist! What the fuck! The story would have made just as much sense with Cliff being a single dad raising Gillian. Miranda was just an antagonistic extra detail who didn’t... really do much. God damn it.

-Cliff “accidentally” marrying Toby's maternal grandmother who is somehow Human and also like, alive, in order to help raise Toby's daughter is. Fucking Something, huh.

Oh lore??? (Oberon, King of Faerie, kinda a nice guy it turns out, accidentally knocks up a human. Uh... whoops?)

-Fuck dude, that was the blood memory flashback we had in book 9. The Luidaeg begging her mom not to leave on The Ride. Oof.

-So Janet is, yes indeed human and YES INDEED Toby’s grandmother. She’s cursed with immortality because of all that shit she pulled.

-And BOY does that lore regarding Janet make the whole "Amandine was doted on and given everything she ever asked for" make sense cause... THAT'S WHAT THEY DID WITH HUMANS. And here we have a fucking FIRSTBORN born from a fucking HUMAN. Gosh. Jeez.

-and Katy pointed out to me that that's a big book 3 reference because Toby's family holds her down when THEY try to remove her from Blind Michael's version of the Ride, and SHE wildly shapeshifts through dozens of forms.It was a Tam Lin retelling only I don’t think I ever expected the actual thing to be relevant.

-And FUCK Evening/Eira, by the way. I think that goes without saying at this point.

-So is Blind Michael's Ride supposed to be a replacement of the old one? 500 years ago the fae used The Ride to sacrifice a human every 7 years--until Tam Lin and Janet fucked it up. Fast forward to the present and we had Blind Michael showing up every couple years stealing children for what HE called The Ride.

-soooo Toby killing Blind Michael might have not been a great thing if you follow that line of reasoning. I mean, he was a fucking monster, BUT... Because The Ride is supposedly to maintain balance, hence the sacrifices. Whatever the fuck that ultimately means. And by stopping it...

-Add that on to all the stuff last book about how Blind Michael wasn't always such a shitty person, and... uh hmmm.

-OK this part might be a stretch but: the Dochas Sidhe are the only descendants we know of that are just... one hundred percent descended from one of the Three. The human part is largely irrelevant in fae terms. They’re directly Oberon’s, not some mix of Maeve/Oberon or Titania/Oberon. Would that mean Oberon is actually Dochas Sidhe? He did, after all, create the hope chests, and the Dochas Sidhe are literally living, breathing hope chests. IDK MAN.

Tybalt, PLEASE.

-So it is, predictably, the false Queen behind this whole situation, helped by Jocelyn. And I just FUCKING REMEMBERED that it was that dickbag Dugan who had cinnamon in his magical signature .-.

-The Baoban Sith just be like "yeah sorry about almost eating you I uh straight up hadn't eaten in 40 years lol. Anyway I'm Kennis, what's up?"

OH FUCK! I FUCKING *CALLED* THIS SHIT OUT IN BOOK SIX! I remember it being mentioned offhand as something that could happen. I fucking KNEW we were going to turn a character into a Selkie for plot reasons. But I gotta say I didn't expect it to be Gillian!

FUCK DUDE ;___; in this house we stan The Luidaeg. Best character. I'm not crying. (I am.)

-She has a line a few pages later about anxiety and catastrophic thinking, and how what you THINK will happen is never as bad as what actually happens. She compares it to "chasing the tide" and honestly that's such a useful metaphor, as someone often caught in that trap...

-They take down Dugan, yay, he was a loose end. He's not DEAD, but.. This is another one where the villain felt pretty secondary to the big plot revelations.

-And Tybalt stepped down (temporarily) as King. Jolgeir's daughter is apparently going to temporarily take things over so I expect we will be introduced to her later??

---

-And, like the last few books, theres a novella epilogue at the end. This one is "Suffer a Sea-Change" and looks to be from Gillian's perspective.

-ok so Gillian has this whole scene where she TALKS to Firtha (whose skin she's wearing now) and I can't help but wonder if all selkies have this weird scene with the Roane whose skin they inherit when they ascend or whatever?

-The Answer Is "No", The Story Explicitly Says

-Gillian is honestly pretty funny. She's up to here with this bullshit.

-The Luidaeg would like to remind everyone that she’s nice to October and Quentin but she’s not actually all that nice to most other people and Definitely Has Her Own Agenda. Although she seems to have taken in Poppy as an apprentice of sorts so... *vague shrugging*

-And The Luidaeg speaking fondly about her "little brother Michael" who liked interior decorating despite being entirely blind. This is my uncomfortable face based on all my Analysis earlier.

-So Gillian is a Selkie now! That's not a twist I expected. And the next book (not out until September) is about The Luidaeg finally calling in their debts. So uh. That was one hell of a way to make the stakes personal on that.

-Im probably gonna make a master post overview of the series now that I read the whole thing in relatively short order. I'm glad I'll have a chance to read other books, but I'm anxious for the next one too based on the recent developments...

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moonprincess92 · 6 years ago

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you know i want all of the AUs!!! but especially that coffeeshop AU — with sprinkles of them becoming roommates and having to fake date for some mysterious reason. :D (but i‘d be happy with just the coffeeshop AU tbh.) but you know i love all of your AUs (stories in general) and love you! ❤️

it’s no coffee shop au, but i managed to do the other two - anything for you, girl! (also on ao3)

Jyn was literally already halfway to her parent’s house when she got themessages.

JynnjYYYNNNNNfuck my life apparently danielle is getting marriedFUCKFKJGIN MARRIEDPLS ANSWER THIS IS AN OFFICIAL CODE BLUE

She’d only glanced at them as she drove, but upon seeing the forebodingDanielle’s name she immediately pulled over to read them through properly.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

She hastily texted back,

AREU FUCKING KIDDING ME TELL ME UR KIDDING

Only two cars whizzed on by before he replied,

I am NOT kidding, she’s fuckingannounced it on fb????

In the next second, Jyn was furiously pulling up said Facebook, searchingfor Danielle’s profile. She was technically still friends with the woman, butonly so that she could retain the prime stalking privileges that being Facebookfriends provided. If she could, she would have blocked and deleted herMONTHS ago, but Cassian had begged her to keep her around ‘just in case, Idon’t know, so I can avoid her I guess’. It didn’t take much scrolling. Themost recent post of hers was an engagement announcement to some guy she hadliterally never even heard of, complete with professional photo spread andcurrently over a thousand likes.

Out of spite, Jyn angry-faced it.

JUSTCHECKED, MATE U WEREN”T KIDDING

OF COURSE IM NOT KIDDING

Areu drunk yet????

I’m certainly on my way

Jyn sighed, staring at her phone. She’d been planning on meeting up withher parents for dinner for months now. With her living several cities away andtheir ever-increasing schedules, it was always hard to find the time… but thisparticular crisis called for significant action. She quickly texted Cassian oncemore,

Areu at home??

I am currently on the couch of pain,yes

Don’tmove, I’ve just left work, I’ll be there soon

Before she could receive the expected ‘no, no, you go see your familylike you planned don’t worry about me’ messages, she quickly called herparents.

“Hello?”

“Mama? It’s me,” Jyn said. “Look, I know we’ve had to reschedule thisdinner like three times now, and I’m so sorry, but I won’t be able to make ittonight either.”

“What’s going on this time?” Lyra Erso sighed.

“Cassian’s ex-fiancée has just announced that she’s engaged again.”

“Oh, shit,” Lyra said at once, any trace of disappointment instantly gone. “Seriously, Danielle?”

“You understand the gravity of the situation.”

“I thought they’d only just broken up?”

“It was four months ago,” Jyn admitted. “But four months to get over athree year relationship, find someone else, fall in love, AND get engagedagain? Fuck her!”

“Jyn, go home, seriously,” Lyra insisted. “Make sure that boydoesn’t drown himself in the bathtub or something.”

“I think drowning in alcohol is more likely – thanks Mama,” Jyn said inrelief. “Can you explain to Papa?”

“Of course – OI, GALEN!” Lyra’s booming voice suddenly screeched down the other end of theline. “CASSIAN’S EX GOT ENGAGED AGAIN!”

“The girl who dumped him two weeksbefore the wedding? How dare she!”

“I KNOW RIGHT?”

Jyn figured to hang up then. It didn’t take long for her to hang a quicku-turn and swing back in the direction she had come from, but it was longenough to notice the ten or so new messages that had apparently been sentto her as she’d spoken to her parents.

“Don’t even start,” she said upon storming straight into theirapartment. “I was coming back no matter what you said, this is a Code Blue forsure.”

“Did I even use the right one? Which one was Code Blue again?” Cassiansaid in resignation. He didn’t even bother getting up from the sofa, where hewas currently laid splayed out with a half-empty bottle of wine sitting on thecoffee table next to him.

“Code Blue is ‘emotionally my life has gone balls up and I need you’,”Jyn reminded him. “Code Red is ‘I fucked up and need immediate assistance’. Wesave Code Black for ‘I’M DYING’.”

“I don’t know, I think this could be a Code Black as well, Jyn.”

“You’re not dying yet,” she snorted, snagging the wine as she sat downon the other end of the sofa, lifting Cassian’s legs out of the way anddropping them back into her lap. She peered at the bottle in her hand andasked, “Could you have bought a cheaper bottle of wine?”

“I wasn’t spending any more on her.”

“Fair point,” Jyn threw some back. Cassian gestured for her to pass itbetween them, but she shook her head before hastily drinking more. “No, no, Iclearly have to catch up here.”

“I’m not THAT drunk.”

“Try and get off this sofa.”

He glared at her for several moments.

“Case in point.”

Cassian groaned, flinging an arm over his eyes. “Honestly, how did I endup here?” he said and Jyn felt for him, she really did. When you knew someonefor nearly 10 years, you saw a lot of heartbreaks and aches. From when they’dfirst met as awkward 18-year-old’s, to now in their late twenties and honestlyjust trying to Adult without dying, the two of them had been there throughevery single disastrous relationship they’d ever had. She’d been therebefore, during and after the Danielle fiasco, and he’d been right at her sideas she’d slashed the tyres of every ex who’d ever cheated on her (tugging onher arm and practically begging that they leave before they get caught, but he’dstill never let her do it alone). There was little that they hadn’t donetogether, or that they wouldn’t do for each other, to be honest. She rubbed hisshin where it lay over her said,

“It’s gonna be ok.”

“IS IT?” Cassian pressed his fingers hard over his eyes. “I appreciatethe support but Jyn, she’s engaged. Three years apparently wasn’t even enough time to want to marry me,but four months and she’s more than happy to say yes to some other bastard? Whothe hell even IS that guy?”

“Cassian, we’ve established that Danielle is a flighty bitch who can’tdecide what she wants and you’re better off without her,” Jyn sighed. “Do Ireally have to beat it into your head again?”

“Probably.”

She leaned over and whacked him affectionately. Thing was, the nightDanielle had called off the wedding was still a very vivid memory, even allthese months later. Literally two weeks before the day, and he had turned upoutside her door out of the blue at one am. He had only been living in his newapartment with his fiancée for three weeks at that point and her first reactionhad been to think welp, SOMEONE’Sdead. Instead, he’d looked at her with an expression that she couldn’t readand had told her simply,

“Danielle left me.”

“… fuck,” she’d said in reply.

And she really hadn’t known what else to say, because what the hell elseCOULD you say? Cassian had been so dedicated, so ready to be married, so deeplyin love that the idea that Danielle had just casually told him one night, “Hey,so I don’t really think I’m ready for marriage, sorry this didn’t work out,”seemed unfathomable.

Jyn had held out her arms and Cassian had immediately walked into them.

“Can I move back in with you?” he had sobbed into her neck.

“Of course,” she’d said back.

“ANYWAY,” she said now. “I might make more jokes and hit you some more,but I’m honestly sorry, Cassian. This sucks.”

“Yeah,” he muttered through his hands.

“You can cry, I won’t judge,” she smirked.

“Fuck you,” Cassian was already attempting to smoother the tears that wereleaking through and she damn well knew it. “Honestly, this is just mostlyembarrassing. Everyone knows that we were engaged only four months ago, and sheapparently wasn’t ready for marriage then but she’s suddenly ready NOW? WHY,JYN? FUCKING WHY.”

“Hey, only a handful of people know that’s why she left,” Jyn pointedout. “If anything, everyone will be judging her for getting engaged again soquickly! That help at all?”

“A little. But I haven’t even told you the worst part yet.”

“Christ on a bike, there’s a worse part?”

“Brace yourself,” Cassian took a moment to apparently pull up somethingon his phone. In the next, he was handing her the device apparently showing atext conversation between himself and someone with the name ‘DO NOTENGAGE’.

Hey, Cassian idk if you’ve seen, butI’m getting married!! I’dlove for you to be there, of course it’s a little whirlwind hahaso we haven’t had time to send out official invites but it’s onsat 5th Aug in southlake tahoe. PLS come, I’d love to see youagain!!!! Xxxalso feel totally free to bring a plus 1 ;)

Jyn was honestly kind of in awe.

“Say the word,” she declared, staring at the offending message. “I swearto god, just say the word and I will fucking END her.”

“I’m not quite at that point, but I’ll let you know if I change mymind.”

“You’re not going. I cannot BELIEVE she had the guts to inviteyou!”

“About that…” Cassian cringed.

Oh, motherfucking shitballs.

“You already said you’d go, didn’t you?”

“Well, if I don’t go I look petty and clearly not over her!” Cassianhastily defended himself, snatching his phone back off her before she couldread his no doubt ‘omg I’d love to!!’ messages (not to mention promptly hurlinga fist into his head as well). “So I said yes out of spite, only now I thinkI’ve backed myself into a corner. I can’t go, but I can’t not go either.”

“Christ on a bike, Cassian."

"I know."

“Well, if you think you’re going alone, you got another thing coming,”Jyn pointed out, grabbing the wine. Blimey, even she needed it now. “You’reshowing this bitch one way or another that she doesn’t have a hold on youanymore.”

“I appreciate your furiousness on my behalf,” Cassian said. “but believeme when I say I am in absolutely no headspace right now to go out and find adate.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I get you,” Jyn said. “Good thing this isn’t just awedding anymore, this is a fucking war. You can’t just take anyone, you need to take someone that is going tomake a statement. Someone that people will talk about for MONTHS after. Youneed to take the one person in the entire world that would piss her off themost.”

“So… you?”

She started a little.

She hadn’t actually been thinking of herself, but now that he mentionedit, it was suddenly the perfect plan. Danielle had quite famously never exactlytrusted the over-half-a-decade of friendship between her and Cassian, despiteJyn having attempted to date several other people over the last three years andCassian being the most devoted boyfriend she thought she’d ever seen. Herand Danielle had always played nice of course and there had even beenmoments when Jyn had managed to bring herself to maybe kind of like her, butthere had always been an undertone to their every interaction that just made itclear that at the end of the day, Danielle Livesay hated Jyn Erso’s guts andprobably always would.

There was no one else Cassian could possibly take that would annoy hermore.

“Yes, me,” Jyn said. “I’m serious, you take me as your date and Daniellewill flip her fucking LID, it will be perfect!”

“I couldn’t ask you to do that–”

“Good thing you’re not asking then,” Jyn declared. “I’m insisting andit’s decided. You got yourself a fake girlfriend! For the record, I’ll cuddleyou and give you a few kisses if she’s looking in our direction, but no tonguestuff ok?”

Cassian just shook his head, trying not to laugh.

“You’re the fucking best, Jyn.”

“Of course I am. Now drink more wine, this is gonna be a longnight.”

Of course the wedding was in fucking Lake Tahoe.

Last minute AND destination, Danielle was basically guaranteeing thatthe only people who would come were either only interested in a weekend away orwere the only ones who had no plans. Cassian’s jaw had been clenched basicallyever since they had left their apartment Friday afternoon, but steadily gotworse the closer they got to stepping inside the hotel for the ceremony.

“What do I say to her, whatdo I say–” he hissed frantically under his breath as they approached the nodoubt bloody expensive hotel. She insisted that he chill the fuck out, onlythat resulted in him shutting up and staying deathly silent instead.

"God, you’re not making this easy, mate,” she pointed out.“I think I liked it better when you were talking, I could at least tell ifyou were still alive or not.”

He just let out a strangled squeak.

“Hey,” she said,reaching out and gripping his hand tightly, their fingers interwoven together.She brought them to her chest, holding him there and making him look at her.“Cassian, I get that this hurts but don’t make it about that. You can hurttomorrow, make tonight about revenge. Hold onto that feeling instead. We’llmake out in front of her a little, and then go and get smashed at the bar.Deal?”

He nodded faintly.

They were purposefully a little late to the ceremony, just to furtherprove the point that they didn’t actually give a fuck. They were quicklyushered in amidst some irritated looks from Danielle’s family. Jyn did noticethat only one of Danielle’s three sisters had apparently bothered to show up,and yet it seemed that nearly everyone from her office had taken the trip justto take advantage of the open bar later. They took up an entire row, lookingbored and passing a hip flask subtly between them.

Danielle naturally looked fucking stunning in her dress, and Jyn wassuddenly very glad that Cassian had insisted on tradition and not seeing itbefore their own wedding because turns out she was literally wearingthe exact same dress. Out of all the things to piss her off, Jyn had honestlythought it would be something more extreme, but nope. Apparently, a dress didit! That fucking dress, the one that had to be altered three times,that Jyn had helped her pick out, had reassured over manycomplimentary glasses of champagne that she looked beautiful in and thatCassian would love it, only to just turn around and use it to marry someoneelse instead… fuck her. Her husband-to-be looked kind of in shock, honestly, like hedidn’t quite know what he was doing up there in front of all these people.

Really, she knew the feeling.

Luckily, their strategic lateness meant that they had missed half theceremony, so they didn’t have to sit through too much of the gushing ‘I loveyou’s. They only caught the tail end of it, Danielle tearing up as she spokeher vows.

“Oh my god, I’m going to ruin my make-up,” she said, gaining some politelaughs. “Oh, Derek. Honestly, I don’t even know how to finish this. I thought Iknew what love was before we met, but turns out I had no idea. I am so, solucky that I found you and get to spend the rest of my life with you. I loveyou.”

Jyn glanced over at Cassian briefly as the vows wrapped up.

She had never seen the man go white before, but he was white as a sheetnow.

“I’m so glad that’s over,” he ended up grumbling through champagne onlya little while later. Thankfully, the reception was in full swing and honestly,it was almost worth all the emotional pain this weekend was so far causing justfor the sheer elaborance of it all. The dinner had been fucking amazing, and the vinyl windows had all beenrolled up to expose the ballroom to the open air and natural lakeside view.Lanterns criss-crossed the ceiling and with a DJ pounding out cheesy pop dancesongs, it was easy to get lost in a sea of alcohol and forget the whole‘getting married four months after getting dumped’ thing.

“I’m still pissed that she hasn’t even come over to talk to you yet,”Jyn pointed out. “What kind of fucking host doesn’t even talk to all theirguests? It should be easy, there’s only about thirty of them who even botheredto come!”

“Honestly, I’m fine with it.”

“Honestly, I’m not,” Jyn said. “I wanna show that bitch a piece of mymind.”

“God stop talking, stoptalking, I think she’s watching us,” Cassian suddenly panicked, spluttering onhis drink as he hastily turned around. “You’re jinxing it!”

“She’s looking?”

“From the high table, I accidentally caught her eye!”

“Perfect,” Jyn reached out and wrapped her arms around Cassian’s waist.He didn’t raise an eyebrow, however, until she started running her hands up anddown his back, clearly something she didn’t usually do when hugging him andalso obviously in Danielle’s line of sight.

“Jyn…” he sighed.

“Come on! Is this not why you brought me?”

“I’m starting to re-think the idea, to be honest, she’s going to knowit’s not real, that I’m just a hopeless loser who brought his roommate as adate to his ex’s wedding–”

“Shut up, that’s just her getting into your head,” Jyn insisted. “Workwith me, here.”

Cassian sighed… before leaning forward and pressing his nose into herneck. “That’s it,” she grinned. It wasn’t quite the statement she was goingfor, but it would work for now at least. From this angle, it would look like hewas kissing her exposed neck and shoulder, and she purposefully turned ever soslightly so that her face could be seen from the high table.

Sure enough.

“Oh my god, she’s coming over.”

“Shit–” Cassian nearlyspilled champagne down her back.

“Don’t stop kissing me!”

“I’m not kissing you, remember–”

“Well, maybe you should be, because we got about twenty seconds beforeshe’s here–”

He cut her off with a sudden kiss that was just on the side ofdesperate, but she didn’t care. Honestly, she’d had worse kisses before andwith worse people. She didn’t even have long to make a spectacle of it sincebarely a second later Danielle was upon them, calling out and forcing themapart.

“Cassian! Jyn! Shit, guys, thank you so much for coming!”

“Oh, Dani,” Jyn said, cheerfully. “It’s no problem.”

“The journey wasn’t too bad?”

“Nah, we road tripped it,” Jyn carried on talking, seeing as it seemedthat Cassian had been deemed temporarily speechless. As well as she knew herbest friend… really, she didn’t know at all what he was currently thinking.Hell, she wasn’t even sure if he was even out of love with Danielle yet. Like,properly and everything. He was clearly not over her, as anyone rightfullywould be, but the man had been in love with her for three goddamn years. Thatwasn’t something you could just turn off overnight.

(Jyn knew. She had tried once.)

So she kept an arm slung around Cassian’s waist and chatted away aboutmostly meaningless things for a while until he could get his bearings (and histongue) back. Eventually, he managed to cut in over the conversation with arather strained and out of the blue,

“You – great! The ceremony was great!”

Danielle blinked a little, but otherwise carried on like normal. “Thanksso much,” she smiled daintily. “Hey, honestly it’s just good to see you guysagain! It’s been too long and apparently,” Jyn noticed her gaze harden just slightly around the edges. “I’vemissed a lot.”

“I s’pose there is a lot to catch up on,” Jyn noted. “Bodhi says hi, bythe way, and Kay says you can go something anatomically impossible.”

“Oh, Kay. He never gets old,” Danielle blatantly lied. “Not that I don’tLOVE your friends, but I was actually talking about you two! Like holy fuck,when did it become a thing? It’s so exciting!”

Her tone made it clear that it was not something to be excited about atall, but Jyn feigned the same enthusiasm anyway.

“Oh, it’s pretty recent,” she glanced at Cassian for help confirmingtheir made up story. They had spent their eight hour car journey here creatingit and honestly, it she had thought it worthy of an Oscar or two at one pointbefore they’d forced themselves to tone it down a bit.

“Hold up, hold up,” she had said somewhere around Yosemite NationalPark. “The key to a good lie is simplicity. The more dramatic, the more detailsyou have to remember, the less believable it becomes. You’re a decent bloke,but not even Danielle is going to buy that you surprised me with a weekend awayto Paris.”

“But I was going to photoshop us some photos and everything,” Cassianhad mock-complained.

“Maybe we save that story for when Danielle ultimately invites us to herthird baby shower,” Jyn rolled her eyes. “Let’s just go with the ‘we hooked upwhile watching a movie one night’ story.”

“But that one’s boring.”

“Are you kidding? It’s not boring at all,” she had insisted. “If anything,it’s the most romantic shit I’ve ever heard! I mean it’s two best friends andflatmates who have known each other for years taking a chance one night andhaving it pay off, like this is fucking romcom gold.”

“Ok, fine,” Cassian hadrelented.

She might have also thought of pitching the entire thing to Hollywood,but that wasn’t the point to be focusing on here. Danielle was still standingin front of her, impatiently waiting to hear some epic-worthy tale that couldpotentially rival her own and considering the expression that was currently onCassian’s face, Jyn knew that she was gonna have to be the one to tellit. She could practically see the man internally spiralling.

“So it just happened then, huh?” Danielle said through a strained smile.

“Yeah, one night we were watching a movie together,” Jyn quickly threwback. “Just something dumb, but it got us thinking and it was like… I don’tknow. A switch getting flicked somewhere. Next thing we knew, we were athing and we basically never looked back.”

She glanced up at Cassian. She was a little thrown to realise that hewas no longer staring at Danielle in utter distress, but now watching her. Shewasn’t ridiculous enough to insist that the story wasn’t a nice one to thinkabout – was there really anything more ideal than falling for someone youalready knew so well? Someone that you didn’t have to worry about annoying ormaking a good impression with, because they had already seen you at your 4amworst and didn’t care? – but imagining pretend scenarios wasn’t exactly goingto get you far in life. How bad would it be if she let herself indulge for aweekend? No matter how unhealthy it probably was, she wanted to pretend atleast for a little while that she had her life sorted.

(A part of her hoped that Cassian might be willing to pretend a bitlonger too).

“You know, I knew it,” Danielle hastily cut in. “I don’t know how, but Ialways knew it was you two! OMG, you’re like a movie or something!”

“You know, we had that exact same conversation on our way here,” Jynsaid, pulling back to give Cassian a pointed look.

“Well then,” Danielle’s smile was definitely edging into painfulterritory now, but that was what Jyn was hoping for. “I guess I’ll, erm–”

Jyn didn’t let her answer. She reached up and threaded a hand intoCassian’s hair, ignoring Danielle completely as she hauled him into her body.Danielle’s words died off immediately as Jyn kissed him with edge, with armswrapping around his neck and with that kind of energy that suggested that theywere only minutes away from pushing each other up against the gifts table.Honestly, she forgot the wedding, the people and the ex-girlfriend for amoment. All she knew was the inside of Cassian’s mouth and the things itwas doing to her.

Danielle hovered awkwardly for the entire five minutes it took her tofinally realise that they weren’t surfacing anytime soon.

“Well, see you guys around then!” she eventually trilled.

“–oh fucking lord,” Cassian gasped, pulling away once she was out of theirline of sight. “Oh fucking LORD, we just did that. She just did that. Am Idead?”

“Not yet.”

“I thought you said no tongue?”

“I don’t bloody know, ok?” Jyn said exasperatedly. “By the time Irealised, I had already committed. Kill me all right?”

“Nah, nah, I mean,” Cassian coughed, avoiding her eye. “the tongue wasgood.”

Honestly, a part of her wanted to simply laugh back the tongue was good? but something shot through her at his words. Maybe it was theawkward way he said them, maybe it was the fact that she could still feel himagainst her mouth, but either way something choked her throat and settled inher chest. When she looked up at him she felt her face growing hot.

Blimey.

“Jesus Christ, this was an insane idea,” he added, hastily.

“Well, we can’t go back now,” Jyn said, shaking her head. “C’mon, mate.Let’s go dance.”

(An hour later, she was still ignoring whatever it was that was in herchest).

Neither of them claimed to be good dancers, but the open bar surehelped. “Honestly, the drunker we get the better,” Jyn had added at one point,seeing as every good wedding had to be ruined by at least someone who got toodrunk to function and eventually rounded off the night with throwing up into anewly gifted vase. Traditionally, the more she and Cassian drank, the more theyembarrassed themselves and the equation only got higher when you added the twoof them together.

It was the perfect combination, really.

“CAN YOU PLAY WEIRD AL’S AMISH PARADISE?” she had screamed at the DJ atone point. “THAT’S THE SONG WE FIRST HAD SEX TO!”

“IT WAS?” Cassian had yelled back.

“JUST GO WITH IT, BABE.”

And so the last hour had resulted in many, many dances to increasinglywedding-inappropriate songs that had the guests roaring with laughter andDanielle no doubt fuming at. Jyn’s memory admittedly got a little fuzzy aroundthe fifth (or maybe sixth?) champagne, but she certainly did remember wrappingherself around Cassian and sloppily making out on the dance floor to the sultrytunes of Big Sean’s ‘I don’t fuck withyou’.

Somewhere between the sixth and seventh drinks, they discovered thephoto booth in the foyer, complete with little basket of novelty props. A largecanvas was mounted on the wall next to it, currently half full with photostrips of varying wedding guests wearing miniature hats and sunglasses. ‘Please help us make our night memorable!’ a small note read above it and Cassian had gotten the idea thistime.

“I’m going to hell for this… but Jyn, would you please make out with mein the photo booth?”

“It’d be my fucking pleasure,” she had declared.

She was still laughing about it afterwards. Their photos they hadpurposefully posted right in the middle of the canvas, complete with thescrawled message of ‘thnx 4 inviting us!’. She had lost Cassian however during a trip to the bathroom, and shetried to not make it too obvious that she was staggering back into the hall,clinging onto the nearest table to stay upright. He wasn’t waiting where shehad left him, and couldn’t see him anywhere near the dance floor. For a moment,she panicked that he had somehow tracked Danielle down somewhere and was busybegging for her back, but no, Danielle was accounted for, currently making therounds and chatting to all of her guests. She caught her eye and Jyn mock wavedwith a grin, only to turn it into a curse when the woman apparently took it asher cue to come over.

“Fucking Jesus, Dani, I’m not drunk enough for this–” she whined.

Danielle stomped to a halt in front of her. The charade was gone. Allpleasantries left at the door. This was the bitch underneath the smiles and shewas apparently not humouring her anymore.

“What is your problem?” she snapped. “Why are you intent on ruining mywedding?”

“Hey, you fuckin’ invited me.”

“I invited Cassian,” she reiterated. “If I’d known he’d be bringing you, I wouldn’t havebothered.”

“Why did you bother, though?” Jyn tried very hard to keep track of theconversation. It was difficult when one could barely stand upright. “I mean,you broke his fucking heart, wasn’t that enough? Did you really have to stompall over it, too? Who the fuck even does that?”

“Oh, like you have literally ANY idea–”

“I see you didn’t answer the question–”

“I never meant to hurt him,” she suddenly bit out. “It wasn’t as if I wanted to cancel my own wedding twoweeks before! No one wants to fucking do that, but I was getting married forall the wrong reasons. Sure, it might’ve helped if I figured out howimmature and insecure I was being a bit earlier, but sorry that I’m a dumbass bitch whotook my sweet time, ok?”

Jyn just stared at Danielle. It really wasn’t the story she had beenexpecting, but maybe it should have been. At the end of the day, Daniellewasn’t a bad person. She was certainly an annoying person, a self-centred andmanipulative person, but never bad. There was a woman in there that Cassian Andor had managed to fall inlove with after all, one that she had reluctantly called a friend. She wasstill in there.

That was good enough for her.

“Ok,” she said, simply.

Danielle nodded before taking the champagne glass out of Jyn’s hands anddraining it herself. “I am happy for you guys, by the way,” she insisted.

“You don’t have to–”

“Nah, it’s fine,” she gave a strained smile. “Honestly, maybe anotherreason I left breaking it off so late is because a part of me was secretlyhoping he would do it first.”

“Why in the hell would he have done that?”

“Because of you,” Danielle shrugged.

She found him outside.

Sat on the steps that led from the ballroom out onto the rolling lawnsof the hotel grounds, his back was only a silhouette but she knew it was him.She clung to the handrail until she could throw herself down beside him,nudging his shoulder lightly. “Hey,” she said. “you disappeared.”

He drew in a shaky, rattling breath, and it was only then she realisedthat he had been crying.

“Oh, fuck,” she said at once.

“I’m fine, Jyn.”

“No you’re not, you’re – oh,god –” She was ill-equipped to deal with emotions on her best of days! Whenshe was drunk, she may as well pat him on the head and say ‘there, there’ forall the good she could do. But still, this was Cassian so she had to try. Shewrapped both her arms around his, hugging it to her body and resting her headagainst his shoulder. Cassian sniffed loudly, rubbing a sleeve across his face,but thankfully not shoving her off. She stayed quiet until eventually, hecalmed down.

“This was supposed to be mine.”

She stayed staring off into the grounds, squeezing his arm tighter.

“All of this, Jyn. The wife, the wedding, the lifetime spent togetherforever, this was supposed to be mine. Where the hell did it all go wrong?”

“It’s not your fault,” Jyn murmured.

“Isn’t it? How did I not realise?” he said. “Honestly, there must havebeen warning signs, things that I ignored or something, because no one just dumps you twoweeks before your wedding out of the blue like that.”

“I just spoke to her,” Jyn mentioned. “Well, I say I spoke to her,it was more like she cornered me… but she said some things. Do you want me totell you?”

He shifted a little and she knew he was glancing down at her. “Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Jyn, I need to know why she did this.”

She took a deep breath. “She said she realised she was getting marriedfor the wrong reasons. She did love you, but she mentioned the words immatureand insecure, so I’m guessing she only said yes to getting married because itwas the way to hold onto you… maybe she didn’t quite grasp the finality of itall until it hit her…”

Cassian sighed.

“She also mentioned me.”

FUCK.

She hadn’t meant to say that part. Hell, she still didn’t really knowhow to process that particular statement herself, that part was supposed to beburied and ignored for the rest of their given lives! Christ in heaven, youcouldn’t even give drunk her one job! She had no idea what to say to try anddefuse the situation (or even if anything COULD be said) and so she ended upstaying silent, her grip on his arm loosening a little.

When she tried to pull away, he grabbed her hand in the dark and pulledher back, holding it tight.

“Ah, well,” he was apparently going to laugh it off. “We always knew shedidn’t like you.”

“Dunno why,” Jyn said. “I’m a splendid bitch.”

“Look, please don’t think I blame you–”

“Nah, nah, shut up,” Jyn quickly waved past it. “Either way, are you oknow?”

“I’m far from ok,” Cassian mentioned. “but at least I think I’ll be ableto get over it. Someday.”

“Good. Now let’s go bail early to piss her off one last time.”

“Sounds perfect.” Cassian was the first to move, heaving himself up onthe handrail before turning back to her and offering out a hand. Jyn stillwasn’t quite sure what exactly had gone down between them thisevening. More than a nothing, but less than a something… it waslike the idea of the two of them had simply been dangled teasingly infront of her nose and for the first time in her life, she was actually thinkingabout what it would be like to grab it. Jyn felt that undercurrent thatDanielle had always been so afraid of, the one that was currently thrummingbetween them, and the thoughts simultaneously terrified her and thrilled her…

(But they’d be fine. Tomorrow was a new day, and they would wakeup and this would all be fine).

She took his hand.

“Thanks for doing this with me, by the way,” Cassian mentioned in thecar on the way home.

“What, ruining your ex’s wedding for you?”

“Yeah, that,” he snorted. “We never mention the amount of kissing we’vedone to either Bodhi or Kay, by the way.”

“Oh, you can count on it,” Jyn said.

#rebelcaptain #ro fanfic #my fanfiction #LOOK I WROTE WORDS ASJDSJFD WHAT IS THIS #pls reblog me lol

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rqs902 · 6 years ago

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i didnt bother with posting about ep 9 of ‘all for one’ but here we are on the last ep lol...

ok but ep 9 was literally just a big karaoke fest / fan meeting so nothing really stood out to me....

im starting this note halfway thru the ep after seeing huang zhibo’s line in pinlin’s group’s performance bc he did so well im so proud!!!!!!!! omgosh his stage presence has improved!! mainly this is all i wanted to say bc i actually really like zhibo even tho he didnt get much time to shine throughout this show :c ok even tho they had to color his hair for half his line, for the ending they didnt and just filtered the whole screen (thankfully) bc he really looks so nice here ahhhh

omg he also got a random closeup later!!

omg i literally rewinded and replayed this one part so many times to watch zhibo.... i really like his dancing!!!

ok but objectively pinlin’s group killed it, compared with the other 2 groups LOL

but ok i guess i should say something about what’s happened so far.... poor naicha’s group always gets stuck with doing a stage thats like 10x harder than all the other groups.... lol so is anyone actually surprised with the results from the first round?? is anyone gonna explain what happened to half of the members of he yifan’s group? lol.........

i think aj’s group did really well! their song really suited them and did feel very 潮 lol i think huadi KILLED IT and aj’s smile is always a highlight of their stages. i think ill always feel like i wish jojo had a bigger role in their perfs but it is what it is. i really liked their song

for new storm to be performing uniq’s monster feels so weird..... like the entire show is/was basically a whole big yuehua promotional strategy lol

I CANT LISTEN TO THIS SONG WITHOUT HEARING CHEN TAO’S WENHAN “GWI ZE” IN MY HEAD HAHAHAHAHHAA

ok im sorry hong weizhe but wenhan started the song better LOL ;;; but also i love zongying and hes adorable but i think he messed up on stage and also his stage presence still needs some work.... why does it just look like hes glaring LOL yang bingzhuo is pulling off the short hair well! why is yixuan bald yanxiu singing his heart out!! and haolian’s smile aw haolian is really just a tall baby lol

tuo xian mu ou.............. im crying........ their performance was so..... thoughtful. goodness even with a performance with minimal choreography, naicha designed every aspect of it with care. he always brings out the best qualities of each member through their performances and that is truly admirable. gao xin starting and ending the song, mu sen’s voice!! and guanguan’s, especially the line they sing together wow, zhang peng is beautiful and i need more of his voice too, zirui singing his heart out, long-ge’s dancing that brings people to tears, chen shun’s rap that cant be replicated, the little montage at the end, and naicha mentioned the formation at long-ge’s center part matching from their first performance and also their star levels matching from their original first grading -- bringing him back to being the only class leader with just 4 stars..... the fact that theyre all crying and hugging and selina and fei are crying im--- ahhhh gao xin and zheng peng’s friendship im truly ahhhhhh

im sure they knew going into the last round that it would be highly unlikely that they would win... but i think they really showed us that they deserved to.

ugh this ending song again feels biased toward new storm lol just like alllll the editing lol. i really like yanxiu’s voice! GAO XIN ZHANG PENG FRIENDSHIP AHHH omg yunlong holding a haoyu sign is the cutest thing!!

lol the fact that pinlin is in that new soy milk commercial im laUGHING theres really no doubt that he’ll make it still lol

naicha’s speech at the end was short but he stated facts. they lost the competition but they didnt lose face. tuo xian mu ou had the best stages

poor aj.... never got to win first place this entire show........ and then he doesnt get to talk at the end?? ?lol

wow new storm won wow much surprise wow i definitely wasnt expecting this at all wow

i feel like the whole concept of “popular class” is such a cop-out move LOL feels bad for the members of new storm who arent popular and probs arent gonna get treated like winners even tho they won.......... im concerned for yanxiu

i bet none of them actually even wanna be in “popular class” bc it totally ties them down / separates them from their actual classes... this is literally just to satisfy angry pinlin istg

oh and theyre gonna go from 7 up? am i suddenly watching idol producer??? ooo chen shun!!! recognizing talent! naicha crying for him!!! and the fact that gao xin’s tall body jumped up as soon as she said tuo xian mu ou... awwww and he prob knew it wouldnt be himself but he was so happy for his team members c: gao xin is a giant softie

at least since new storm had so many popular kids, that leaves a couple of spaces open in “popular class” lol

lol i almost forgot about wang di oops now that im thinking about the kids who lost... why didnt they invite back the other teams?? like wait what about like yati and boxuan and ziyue -- i thought they liked them?? i mean i get they got eliminated halfway thru the show but still.... i feel like they were memorable / contributed a lot to this show

can we talk about haoyu running over to comfort huadi!!?!? ahhh

yea about the whole “i dont think they even want to be in popular class” -- literally i feel like huadi and aj and naicha are crying when they go on stage because they had to leave their original class behind.......

im crying watching long-ge gesturing for a crying naicha to go on without them....

ok my tears havent even dried yet but im laughing at them trying to make it so suspenseful who got first place......... ITS PINLIN NO ONE IS DOUBTING THAT ITS PINLIN EVERYONE KNOWS ITS PINLIN OK THANKS

wow look at pinlin literally getting 3x the number of votes as yangtong at #2..... wow

also just looking at yangtong, aj, and huadi’s rankings it makes sense why yoyo class was consistently like second place lol

haoyu and huadi coming out to welcome pinlin first is...... the most......... ahhhhh

and ofc they pan to his class -- aka look at yunlong’s proud smile and zhibo going from happy to sad in like 30 seconds

wow we really going for #8 and #9 at the same time? are you sure im not watching qcyn?

OH MY GOODNESS ZHIBO AGAINST LONG GE????? ZHIBO IS POPULAR???? HAHAHAHHAHA OMG WHATTTT ok i expected long-ge and long-ge def deserves it but omg i didnt realize zhibo was popular lol omg yuehua owns this show istg

i feel like long-ge will win.... but also i feel like long-ge doesnt want to win........ i totally see him as someone who would prefer to go off on his own and not be tied down by this show any longer... but also chen shun and naicha are like his best buds on this show so at least he’d have them.... zhibo i feel like would need / want this win more.. because i think he’d have a lot more to show us that he hasnt gotten to yet / may not have the chance to if he just goes back to yuehua.

pinlin and yixuan and all the yuehua kids running off stage to comfort zhibo....... yall couldnt get your fans to vote for zhibo i guess.......... well we all know that if he yifan hadnt dropped out, he’d be in top 8 and therefore not long-ge so.... thats just something to keep in mind :\ tbh feels bad for guanguan (and jojo) bc he was on zui you xiu with chen shun and long-ge... but i think guanguan didnt get to demonstrate himself as much as they did on this show... even tho naicha tried his best (and succeeded in doing so more than any other leader) to highlight each of their strengths

lol the way they announce the two groups its like “new storm!” and then a huge long list of names for popular class -- like hmm i wonder which one is the actual winners......

i keep getting scared that yixuans gonna hit haolian in the face with that giant thing lol

HAHAHAHA the ending is just pinlin doing 99999 last minute cfs for their sponsors

hmmm so how do i feel about the popular class -- theyre gonna be called Black ACE? oh ok lol isnt it kinda funny that 4 of them were in “trigger” from the very beginning together? (just like how 4 of the yuehua kids are in New storm...) interesting how things kinda were set from the beginning lol. i honestly feel like pinlin, wang di and yang tong kinda stick out to me in this group, but i wonder what this mix of what feels like is “yoyo and tuo xian plus 2” will turn out.

well now i guess its time to watch out for these two groups and also keep an eye out for guanguan, zhibo, mu sen, gao xin, zhang peng, and jojo to see what they get to do next!

#rants #well that show is over now #phew #no more injuries LOL #that was the most upsetting thing about this show tbh #but i think at least the winners made sense and i could respect and understand why tehy won #cough i dont think ill be able to say the same thing for qcyn cough #this unexpectedly turned into a zhibo appreciation post but im just so proud of him ok #man after finding out ye ziming was also on zui you xiu i feel like i should watch that show LOL..... for jojo chenshun longge guanguan too #WAIT BOXUAN WAS ON THIS SHOW TOO????!! WTFFFF UGH I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO WATCH IT I ALREADY KNOW 6 PPL ON THE BOYS TEAM

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blurays · 3 years ago

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monthly ILLNESS post anyway kind of sucks that no one on earth seems to understand what im going through even in support groups even people with the same diagnosis dont get what its like to be diagnosed when ur 20 and have the constant reminder that youre terminal but oh maybe not and i kinda just wish some doctor would be like stop stressing about this bc ur DEFINITELY gonna die but no everyone thinks being vague and lying to me about what they know somehow helps. do u understand how bad it sucks mentally to be like well theres a 88% chance, statistically that you will die in 3 years but also that statistic is old but oh we don't have a new one and there's new treatments but the treatments will ruin your life worse than we already have and is there rlly a reason worth living if youre always in pain? surprise no one cares or asks you! tired of being called brave for being forced into this the brave thing would be like tell me when the fuck im going to die and then doing whatever instead im just being dragged along

like i guess if youre 30 something and have kids and a wife etc then it's cool to be like oh yay we might actually not die we might have 5 10 whatever years and i mean not getting into it but i think in the end i dont really want to die but what is the point of living miserably for ten years and then thats it. im so sick of posts being like oh your 30s are when u become a real person and then ur 20s ur supposed to do things and its like so im supposed to struggle through college and shit knowing that apparently i maybe wont die halfway through but instead as soon as i achieve anything

i dont get why its hard to see that it feels so fucking pointless to do literally anything on earth, forget a job what's the point of making friends with people if they just act shitty about your illness and you'll never be the friend who Isn't killing the mood by obsessing over death

like i honestly feel gaslighted not to misuse the word but i feel like i know ive been told so often in so many ways that ill die from this but also maybe not which is supposed to be some solace and its like do i do what i want and fuck myself over for the future or what

seeing a palliative neuro oncologist monday cause mines randomly out of office so maybe she'll actually care abt what i feel but who knows lol no one else does even when they say they do. lol at talking to people in depth about being sick + letting them follow my private account where i talk about it constantly + explicitly saying I need to go back to the hotel to rest after days and hours of physical activity all of which makes me Hurt and then them making it about oh i wanted to hang out with u. like ok well i want to not be dying but we cant all get what we want!! i want someone to actually not lie when they say they sympathize with what i am going through ! oh and i have an appointment the 14th to talk abt getting my Other shoulder replaced. yay quality of life

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dystopianharry · 7 years ago

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annual writing self-evaluation

All answers should be about works published in 2017.

i was tagged by @tommostummie TYSM 💘

1. List of works published this year:

murmur, all our younger years, and all the stars aligned

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

from what’s finished and published, all our younger years by far. it was like the first time i felt committed to getting out a good piece of fic i knew people would be reading, plus i was gifting it so i felt like i had to make it really good. also it was the first fic i actually planned out which makes it feel really special !!! as for my wips, my current one is by far my best work and i can’t wait for when it’s complete

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

i used to be super proud of murmur but since then ive realized what im capable of as a writer. i kind of wrote that one randomly one weekend, like i just felt like it?? so i didn’t rly put research into it or anything, i just did it. and i still absolutely love it, just not as much as the other ones ive posted this year.

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

im not gonna put the whole thing here bc it’s hella long, BUT the scene in all our younger years where they break into the football stadium at night and harry realizes he’s in love with louis:

This felt so raw and real and something about the look on Louis’ face, giddiness and contentment and blissful oblivion to the rest of the world, tugged on Harry’s heart and pulled at his stomach and made him a little dizzy and a little drunk on something... something he knew was different and new and sad and good and beautiful and heartbreaking.

SO YEAH also there’s an upcoming scene in my big wip i am hyped about involving harrys hair which some people may know about ;;))

5. Share or describe a favorite comment you received:

all the times my gcs were freaking out whenever i sent an excerpt were hilarious dbdjsjb but by far the best comment ive received was by @alohonora on and all the stars aligned. it was honestly one of the loveliest things ive ever read and we’re friends now!!

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

when i was about halfway through aoyy. tbh i just hated everything and hated the story and everything felt wrong, but now i have techniques and i know what to do if i ever get stuck. during aoyy i was kind of just hoping i wouldn’t fjjdjfjd

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

the first kiss scene in aoyy!! i planned it as this beautiful moment, like i wanted it to be starlit and glimmering and gorgeous but they ended up fighting on the side of a highway and then harry ended up kissing louis and it was honestly wild

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

this was the first year ive actually written larry fic!! ive been a larrie for a lot longer than ive been writing it but this year was the first time i had the confidence to post my fics and share my work

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

i want to finish all the drafts that have been sitting in docs for months now. i have three practically untouched fics and a whole list of ideas and i just want to write what makes me happy!

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

all my gcs have been absolutely amazing and helpful, but i rly have to thank @foolsghld for being my first beta ever and @hellaplantsjpg, @bibi-harry, @sweaterpawslou, @tommostummie, @hohohoharryloumas AND SO MANY MORE PPL WHO HELPED ME ILY ALL

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

i don’t think so ??? except the first conversation between harry and louis in aoyy where louis talks about goldfish is a real thing my brother and i have discussed

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

tbh im the worst person to ask for advice but just write what makes you happy?? at the end of the day (buy it on itunes) you’re writing for yourself and you don’t need to force yourself to crank out an idea that makes you miserable!

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

my @1dbigbang fic. it’s what ive been wanting to write all year and it’s FINALLY happening, the idea inspires me so much (dystopian) and i love everything about it and it’s my pride and joy, ive literally been working towards this fic since i became a larry writer and ahhh im just so excited

14. Tag three writers/artists whose answers you’d like to read.

OK imma tag,, @foolsghld, @rosealouis, and @mxybeimissyou :D

#this was fun!!!!!#mine #tag games

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mischiefruled · 4 years ago

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week #1 - organizing & outlining

So, just got through with my first week at uni. Only two lectures so far, both mostly full of introductions and occasional interruptions by a healthinspection team for corona. Honestly, didn’t learn anything I hadnt already in a levels, but thats ok. Introductory classes after all. I’m just hoping my one edge lasts when I’m in a class fullll of kids from families of law firms and politicians.

Right now I have a few questions I need to answer.

What do I give priority to here at the start?

How should I divide my studies up? What types of notes should I make? How should I go about this?

What resources do I need to pick and look for?

What is the purpose of this blog?

ANSWER #1

I have a lot to improve on. But to look at each thing is so overwhelming that it leaves me in a state of paralyis. So for now, Im listing them out in order of importance to me

> Get my shit in order. Collect my books, get my new laptop, and set up a good study space

> Figure out my routine. I hate routine. But without any good transport methods it becomes necessary. Two issues with this, one that my mom is difficult and doesnt give me a lot of control on my own schedule. Second is that the library has the texts, but my home has the laptop. I suppose I’ll start taking my ext hard drive but it’ll still be a tad inconvenient

> Make friends and connections. I really need to set up a study system, I like stuydying with people. I also need people to fall back on in case I miss lectures and the like. As much as I hate interacting with people who I can’t be myself around, it will be a necessity. Tangentially related, I need to figure out how I want to appear to others + buy some new clothes for God’s sake.

> Learn TOUCH TYPING. This will be essential if our exams will be given online. Even now I’m typing with jsut two fingers. god. Need to get a speed of 80wpm by the end of this year. Please.

ANSWER #2

I’ve got 5 notebooks so far: class notes, personal notes, cases and summaries, general notebook? [not so sure about this one], and I plan on buying a binder with loose paper to organize final notes. Another thing I need to consider is using OneNote, but that’ll be easier when I finally get my own laptop.

I’ll divide by subject, subjects into chapters, then each chapter as a whole into different aspects to study with.

Primary notes [study guide] + Extra material notes + core concepts and analysis.

Furthermore, summarize each chapter in my own words in an essay form. A blog post from an old LLB UoL graduate recommedned something similar.

Finally, do the activities and tasks at the end of the module.

Now, further along the road, I should start looking up past papers and examiners reports. I should regularly consult my professors too, ask them on my methods and clear up any confusion I may have in my core concepts. Perhaps I’ll find a purpose for that general notebook after all in this regard lol

ANSWER #3

I dont quite know why I asked myself that on this blog post... I’m already looking through the study guide for stuff to refer to. Must remind myself to consult professors on what material is most necessary as well.

ANSWER #4

A few things come to mind. i want this blog to motivate me, first of all.

Collect tips, advice, and resources

Weekly summaries of what I’ve done and how uni went and general areas I need to improve upon

Perhaps I should upload chapter summary essays on here too. If I type out my notes on cases as well I will post them here.

Links and stuff I find interesting

Organize my reading list and how far I am with them. Include them in my weekly updates. Perhaps my weekly updates should also contain my goals for the week

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

WELL now that ive managed to spell all that out for myself, I think ill just talk about other stuff now.

the teachers seem nice. the criminal law prof does sound a bit intimidating but the lsm professor was very lax, and the contract law prof was very helpful in explanations and i had a talk with him about materials.

i met three people in class so far, janita, sofia, and zainab. i will try talking to them more, but theyre all rather shy in my opinion. i met an IR student called nawal, she was very sweet and likes makeup and fashion. we talked enthusiastically within moments of meeting one another, i cant even remember how many topics we bounced back and forth between. very easy to talk to, and she doesnt have an instagram so.. well not to be superficial , but that does my raise my opinion of her.

thats all for the personal section

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

WEEKS GOALS

get laptop

make fee payment to uol

pester SWQ for study guide. i know he has some copies squirelled away i know it..!!!

ask about student gym + again pester SWQ abt the current library system cause.. wtf!

┈ ┈ ┈ ⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟ ┈ ┈ ┈

READING

In order of importance

LSM UoL study guide [5/7]

Criminal Law UoLstudy guide [3/15]

Public Law UoL study guide [0/20]

Contract Law UoL study guide [0/17]

Learning Legal Rules [0/12]

I made it through 5 chapters with notes within a week. Assuming I can up the pace to about 6, I can manage to get halfway through the rest of these study guides within 3 or 4 weeks.

I only need to get halfway through, because I need to be slightly ahead of the class, not fully. Then I can focus on learning through textbooks, starting with LSM. It’s the most boring, so Id like it out of the way as soon as possible.

#weekly log #mine

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seoschangbin · 5 years ago

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please rachel is cute!!!😭💕💞congrats on your freedom!!! i saw your text post about having to do some peer grading🥺it sounds tedious): and then people not doing it properly, gosh😤i hope you can get through them quickly n still have time to relax!💕but i’m glad next semester is gonna be full of fun classes, it’s what you deserve!!! i just know it’ll be one of your best semesters yet😌💕and graduating in april!!! omg :0 congrats!!! that’s such a huge accomplishment hehe. -🎁💫

mndjdj UR cute!! tho waking up at 2am to get to the airport aint it 😬✈️ hehe i finished the peergrade it went better than i thought im so dramatic nd mean 😭 (jk i was v nice imo) ur so sweet i dont deserve u 😭i hope 2020 is good for us both and we both have a good winter semester ❤️ (not sure yours is even called winter) scared for grad but also wouldnt be able to do another semester ahah 😥

do you plan on going to higher education or are ya just gonna chill for a bit?😌that’s true!!! almost halfway! and i’m done with my gen ed classes so now i just gotta focus on my major!!! i don’t really like the uni life so this extra year sounds like hell to me😭but i guess i should start trying to put myself out there more n make the best of my last years😭😔man😭well you tried your best rachel!!! n that’s all that matters😌💕-🎁💫

i applied for grad school! but we'll see how that goes 😣 ooh gen ed is the worst imo bc then u get the fun specialized stuff! 😊 oh noo why dont you like uni? 😔 but i hope you find smth to enjoy in the last years, thats when i started to really enjoy it anyways! 🥰

LITERALLY😭😭felix is just the softest n he’s so utterly sweet!!! he’s been making me go through it lately especially since he keeps on being the ultimate cutie and posting stuff of him being at the dog cafe🥺🤲🏼skz variety😚i saw that video where we get to see chan’s studio n he’s with bin n ji and gosh the tiny teasers we got other songs... omg😳💕i’ve been having levantar on repeat as well, i think she’s gonna dethrone i am who for me😳yeah i dance but i’m not good!!!-🎁💫

omg i KNOW rly goin thru it w felix lately 😭 the dog cafe bls mjsjjdd hes so cute 😭 omg i KNOW!! the seungbin duet bls.. for me.. release it 😭 all the songs sound so so lovely im excited for their future 🙇🏻‍♀️ omg levanter.. shes that gal taking over the world! aww its ok hehe if u have fun then thats all that matters ☺️ how did u get into it?

i used to dance when i was younger but i went through a i’m shy phase n gave it up🚶🏻‍♀️recently i’ve been trying to get back into tho!!! my only source of lessons atm is felix’s dance to😚honestly that’s so valid bc skz titles are always so so so good n leave you with vastly different feelings🥺🤲🏼who knows😭😭😭chan does n says the weirdest stuff sometimes but it’s okay he’s still a cutie🥺right!!! i’m really glad they got a win! they're accomplishing so much n i am so!!! proud😭💞-🎁💫

omg felix nd his dance lessons hes so awkward but endearing bro is there any dances ur looking forward to learning or currently learning? i agree skz kings of versatility! i know!! they did so much this yr good job skz ️

i wonder if they’re gonna do more stages n if there’s possible for them to get more wins... i think they’re done right? just fansigns left? hmmm. changbin always gotta play hard to get i guess😤and omg yeah i guess so!!! bc i’ve realized that i listen to mostly jype artists :0 sometimes jype is ya kno... Yeah but i can’t deny that i love most of their groups🏃🏻‍♀️-🎁💫

i think they r done! but im honestly so hazy on their schedule i just take what im given LOL 😭 i love looking at fantakens from their fansigns though i hope they have more! mjdjf mood about jype... but their groups.. pure nd good! not rly relates but did u ticket this past week for skz hehe?

i’d like to file a complaint… 😭😭😭hyunjin is just so powerful, i always think how lucky jinnie stans are bc he just loooooves spoiling stays😚💓ooo i’ve heard of victon but i’ve never watched their variety! there’s so many groups i want to eventually listen n learn about tho and victon is one of em!!! i watched a few eps of that mx variety where they’re with PUPPIES😭i still need to finish it but so far… jooheon can get it and by get it i mean n my heart😞🤲🏼-🎁💫

omg i KNOW hj be like bf vibes always spoiling... omg victon is the CUTEST and theyre always on vlive itll be my mission to get you into them! 😉 omg i havent seen the whole puppy one yet but theyre so pure nd cute! i also recommend mx ray hehe! and hes jooheon must be protected hes the sweetest bab!

oh my goodness please i’ve seen clips of that moment!!!! changbin looks ULTRA teeny tiny i couldn’t believe!!!! so much cuteness in such a tiny body😭💞right!!! i love their friendship so much i just love how attentive they are with each other n how they always play around too hehe, its adorable!!! i will never get over felix whipping out that damn egg, king of comedic timing!!! yes!!! chan n changbin!!💕chan is a mega libra n as a fellow libra i couldnt resist! n changbin is changbin🥺-🎁💫

hes the teeniest i always go back to him on the zipline hes my babyyy 😔❤️ he looks scary but hes. baby.. his muscles r made of love.. mjsjd i KNOW feliz out of nowhere: 🥚 cute.. changbin n chan r a good bias pair! just the sweetest

being a changbin stans can never catch a break bc binnie's whole existence is just utter cuteness most times i can’t handle it, i blame his mega leo energy😭i’m into mostly nintendo n indie games! also its super cheesy but i love chill games like farming games or animal crossing! you too rachel! get plenty of rest n omg i hope you enjoy your vacation!!! being at the beach is the best🥰💞gotta apply buckets of sunscreen then!!! i burn so easily too so i feel your pain😔-🎁💫

omg i KNOW bin is just the epitome of cuteness i never thought id ever stan the aegyo boy 😭 ooh! do u have a fav game? and i hear animal crossing is super fun nd i love chill games so not cheesy at all!! im sure when im back the first thing ill say is damn.. never seen my skin peel like That ⚠️

and no worries!!! please take your time n enjoy your vacation😚💞but goodness you’re so sweet! i’m glad i was able to finish the thing i made for You hehe, i’m excited for you to see!!!🥰💞its been lots of fun chatting!!! even tho i feel so bad for rambling on n on at times😭but i hope this week treats you well rachel n you have the loveliest n bestest holiday!!! -🎁💫

i decided not to bring my laptop this time so i wont be able to finish what i had in mind until january i hope u dont mind! but omg stoP u made me smth 😭 ive enjoyed talking to u sm too thank u for being the sweetest 🥰 i hope u enjoy the week as well and take lots of time to rest!

#🎁💫#ask #anonymous #i was typing out this ask as i was going thru the airport and fiNALLY put it together #amazing...#anyways i adore u bls have a good week!!! thank u for being the loveliest ss im glad u got me even though i was probably boring hehe

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todaydreambelieversfic · 7 years ago

Text

Author Spotlight: KlaineShip2 Day 2

Day 2: Recs!

Because Klaineship is a translator, this is in two languages so it’s long and I’ve needed to put it under a cut tag after the first one. But I really recommend clicking through!!

Please recommend 3 - 5 of your own translations.

Look under the cut: Being Kurt Hummel by @flamingmuse, Where there’s smoke by @itslaurastone and How Hard You’re Trying by @wowbright

Okay, so let me start with the translation I am most proud of. It's @adiwriting 's 'Hearing Verse' about Deaf!Blaine. I collected all her Tumblr and AO3 posts and one inspired work by @justasmallbloginabigklainefandom into one big 63-chapter-piece (over 150.000 words) It's called 'Musik nur, wenn sie laut ist'

on AO3 and fanfiktion.de

What I love the most about this fic is, that it tells Kurt's and Blaine's story from their first meeting through their whole life until they are both old men. In the beginning there is a lot of struggling on both sides to overcome the differences between their lives and experiences as a Deaf-Hearing-Couple. Alongside Kurt I got a deep insight into a world I didn't know existed. It's called Deaf Culture. I had to do a lot of research to get everything right and I really love the German title that came instantly to my mind, when I'd started reading this Verse. It's the title of a song from the 80s by the German singer and songwriter Herbert Grönemeier , that tells the story of a Deaf girl, who 'listens' to music as loudly as possible (as does Blaine in the story as well) to feel the beats of the bass guitar and the drums vibrating through her body.

It's hard to choose a favourite part from such a long story, but I'd say it's already in chapter 3 called 'Versprecher' (Fumbling). I'll add the original part for those of you who can't speak German. ;-) (the ASL signing is written in CAPS LOCK) and if you want to check out why Kurt's fumbling here you may read the footnotes of chapter 3. ;-)

U-M-Z-I-E-H-E-N ? buchstabiert Kurt und nachdem Blaine ihm die Gebärde für 'umziehen' gezeigt hat, nickt er und wird ganz aufgeregt, als wolle er ihm eine richtig tolle Story erzählen.

ICH ZIEHE IM AUGUST NACH NEW YORK. ICH GEHE ZU N-Y-A-D-A SCHULE . ICH STUDIERE SCHAUSPIEL ! Er gebärdet mit solcher Begeisterung, dass Blaine ihm noch nicht mal wegen seiner schlampigen Gebärden einen Vorwurf machen kann, denn sein Enthusiasmus ist einfach ansteckend.

WOW , gebärdet Blaine, er muss die Tatsache erst mal verdauen, dass Kurt tatsächlich zum Ende des Sommers auch nach New York ziehen wird. Die ganze Zeit hat er sich ausgeredet, Kurt auf ein Rendezvous einzuladen, weil er sich kurz vor dem Abschluss nicht an jemanden binden wollte, aber jetzt gibt es dafür keine Entschuldigung mehr.

GRATULIERE , fährt Blaine fort, als Kurt ihm seinen Kaffee in die Hand drückt. ICH ZIEHE AUCH NACH NEW YORK . ICH BIN AN DER N-Y-U ANGENOMMEN WORDEN .

WIRKLICH ? Kurt strahlt übers ganze Gesicht und Blaine liebt diesen Anblick. Er fragt sich, wie es wohl wäre, mit Kurt zusammen zu sein und derjenige zu sein, der ihm jeden Tag aufs Neue dieses Lächeln entlocken kann. ICH WILL SEX IN NEW YORK.

Blaine ist so überrascht und schockiert, dass er sich an seinem Kaffee verschluckt und sich heftig hustend an der Theke abstützen muss. Kurt eilt vor die Theke zu ihm, klopft ihm auf den Rücken und schaut ihn betroffen, aber vollkommen unschuldig an, so, als hätte er nicht gerade gesagt, dass er Sex sucht.

BIST DU IN ORDNUNG ?

DU WILLST SEX IN NEW YORK ? vergewissert sich Blaine noch einmal und betet, dass keiner seiner Freunde ausgerechnet jetzt durch die Tür hereinkommt. Sie würden ihn ewig damit aufziehen.

JA ? gebärdet Kurt, als wäre Blaine verrückt, weil er das so überraschend findet. Es ist nicht so, dass er sich Kurt nicht als sexuelles Wesen vorgestellt hat – seine Gedanken sind sogar viele, viele Male in diese Richtung gewandert, jedes Mal, wenn er die Duschen für sich alleine hatte – aber er hat Kurt nicht als den Typen eingeschätzt, der so offen darüber spricht.

ICH BIN ÜBERRASCHT DASS DU MIR DAS ERZÄHLST. ICH HABE ES NICHT ERWARTET , erklärt Blaine, und versucht, die peinliche Situation einigermaßen zu entschärfen. Kurt muss annehmen, dass er total naiv ist. Wenn er nicht vorher schon dachte, dass Blaine noch ein Kind ist, dann mit Sicherheit jetzt.

ICH WILL SEX IN NEW YORK ? JA. WARUM S-O-L-L-T-E ICH DORT ZUR SCHULE GEHEN , WENN NICHT LERNEN WIE SEX ?

Ungefähr in der Hälfte von Kurts drolligem Versuch, einen richtig langen Satz zu gebärden, fällt bei Blaine der Groschen und es dämmert ihm, dass da wohl ein Missverständnis vorliegt. Er beginnt zu lachen. SEX ? gebärdet er und wartet, bis Kurt nickt, dann buchstabiert er es: S-E-X ? WAS ? NEIN ! antwortet Kurt, er schaut sich hektisch im Laden um und wird feuerrot. DU HAST S-E-X GEBÄRDET , erklärt Blaine, und kann nicht aufhören zu lachen. DU SAGTEST DU WILLST SEX IN NEW YORK . NEIN ! Kurt schaut entsetzt und Blaine findet die ganze Sache absolut liebenswert. A-R-B-E-I-T . ARBEIT , korrigiert ihn Blaine und zeigt ihm, wie die Gebärde richtig aussieht, und während er noch vor wenigen Wochen ziemlich genervt gewesen wäre, ist es um ehrlich zu sein ein Fehler, der jedem unterlaufen könnte, der es nicht besser weiß.

SCHON GUT . ES IST WITZIG , gebärdet er, als Kurts Gesicht immer noch keine Anstalten macht, wieder seine übliche Färbung anzunehmen. WITZIG NEIN . ICH VERSUCHE DICH B-E-E-I-N-D-R-U-C-K-E-N .Blaine versteht sofort, was Kurt buchstabiert, aber irgendwo vorher muss er wohl was falsch verstanden haben. Wenn Blaine schon zögert, mit einem hörenden Jungen auszugehen, dann hat Kurt sicherlich kein Interesse daran, mit jemandem zu gehen, der taub ist. MICH BEEINDRUCKEN ? WARUM ? fragt er und hält den Atem an. DU BIST SÜSS .

* * M-O-V-I-N-G? Kurt spells and once Blaine teaches him the sign for moving, Kurt nods and gets excited like he’s about to tell him some really good piece of gossip. I MOVE TO NEW YORK IN AUG. I GO TO N-Y-A-D-A SCHOOL. I STUDY DRAMA! He signs so excitedly that Blaine can’t even lecture him for his sloppy signing because his enthusiasm is just so damn contagious.

WOW, Blaine signs, letting it sink in that Kurt’s actually going to be moving to New York as well at the end of the summer. While he’d been talking himself out of asking Kurt out because he didn’t want to get attached to anybody this close to graduation, he didn’t have an excuse anymore. CONGRATULATIONS, Blaine continues as Kurt hands him his coffee. I’M MOVING TO NEW YORK, TOO. I GOT ACCEPTED INTO N-Y-U. REALLY? He signs, his face lighting up in a way that Blaine just loves. He wonders what it would be like to date Kurt, to be able to be the one to make him smile like that all of the time. I WANT SEX IN NEW YORK. Blaine’s so shocked and caught by surprise that he actually chokes on his coffee and has to hold onto the countertop while he coughs heavily. Kurt rushes around to stand beside him and pat him on the back, giving him a concerned, but completely innocent look like he hadn’t just implied that he was looking for sex. YOU OK? YOU WANT SEX IN NEW YORK? Blaine signs again, praying that none of his friends will chose this exact moment to walk in the door. They’ll never let him live it down. YES? he signs like Blaine’s somehow crazy for finding that surprising. It’s not that he’s never thought of Kurt as a sexual being — he’s thought of him that way many, many times, whenever he can get the showers to himself — but he didn’t like Kurt was the type to talk about it so openly. I’M JUST SURPRISED YOU TOLD ME THAT. I WASN’T EXPECTING IT, Blaine explains, trying to make up for the amount of embarrassment he just caused. Kurt must think he’s completely naive now. If he didn’t think Blaine was a kid before, he certainly will now. I WANT SEX IN NEW YORK? YES. WHY W-O-U-L-D I GO TO SCHOOL THERE, IF NOT LEARN HOW TO SEX?” It’s about halfway through Kurt’s adorable attempt at signing a long sentence that things start to click in Blaine’s mind and he realizes that they’ve probably had some sort of misunderstanding along the way. He starts to laugh. SEX? He signs and waits for Kurt to nod before spelling it out. S-E-X? WHAT? NO! Kurt signs, looking around the shop frantically and turning beet red. YOU SIGNED S-E-X, he explains, unable to stop laughing. YOU SAID YOU WANT SEX IN NEW YORK. NO! Kurt looks horrified and he can’t help but find the entire thing adorable. W-O-R-K. WORK, Blaine corrects him and shows him the proper way to sign it and while several weeks ago he would have been annoyed, it honestly is an easy mistake for somebody who doesn’t know any better. IT’S OK. IT’S CUTE, he signs when Kurt’s face shows no sign of going back to its normal color. CUTE NO. I TRY I-M-P-R-E-S-S YOU, Kurt signs. Blaine understands what Kurt’s spelling immediately, but he’s still sure that he’s misunderstood somewhere along the line. As much as Blaine’s reluctant to date a hearing guy, he’s sure that Kurt has no interest in dating somebody who’s Deaf. IMPRESS ME? WHY? he asks, holding his breath for the answer. YOU’RE CUTE. (If you want to know how Kurt could mix up the signs for work and sex, go and check the footnotes on chapter 3)

Tell us what inspired you to translate this I just had translated 4 or 5 works up to that time and I loved the story and most of the chapters are less than 2000 words so I thought it was a good chance to see if I could go through with such a big project. I started posting in July 2016 when I was 10 chapters into the story with translating and managed to post at least once a week, so by March 2017 it was finished. What me inspired the most was the real life aspect of the story. It's an up and down of happy, sad, desperate, funny and every day family life with everything in between. And Kurt and Blaine as Dads of three girls are just priceless.

The translation of @flamingmuse 's wonderful 26.000 words about Kurt Hummel 'Being Kurt Hummel' on AO3 and fanfiktion.de

Tell us what else you love about the story, and what you love about your translation of it

@flamingmuse is one of my absolute favorite authors when it comes to canon compliant stories (though I also love her 'Near Misses'-AU). We share an endless love for Kurt E.Hummel and the way she describes him is 100 % my head canon. For me the translation has been a big deal because it was the first time for me to translate explicit sex scenes. I didn't have a beta back then and I think I edited it a thousand times before I finally dared to post it.

Quote one of your favourite parts

This is from chapter 3 (in opposition to flaming muse I splitted the story into 7 chapters)

Nur wenige Stunden später fällt es Kurt wie Schuppen von den Augen. Nicht wegen Blaine, der nach der Verkündung der Abschlussballkönigin im Schulflur unerschütterlich ist und unglaublich lieb auf der Tanzfläche, sondern wegen all der Anderen.

Menschen ändern sich nicht einfach. Er müsste es eigentlich wissen, denn er ändert sich schließlich auch nicht, aber er war so naiv gewesen, zu glauben, dass er auch in dieser Hinsicht anders wäre. Hoffnung kann so verführerisch sein.

Er betrachtet sich in seinem Ankleidespiegel, bevor er sein Abschlussball-Outfit auszieht und fragt sich, was seine Mitschüler sehen, das er nicht sieht. Ja, er trägt einen Kilt, aber das ist ein Kleidungsstück für Männer. Selbst wenn er das ein oder andere Teil aus einer Damenkollektion trug, war er darunter immer ganz klar männlich gewesen. Er hat niemals versucht, ein Mädchen zu sein. Er ist kein Mädchen.

Kurts Augen sehen Männerschultern, einen maskulinen Brustkorb, den leichten Schatten von Barthaar auf einem männlich markanten Kinn. Er hat die Frisur eines Mannes und seine sehnige Kraft. Er hat einen männlichen Adamsapfel, die Hüften eines Mannes und die ganz und gar nicht zierlichen Füße eines Mannes.

Seine Stimme, sein Stil und sein Herz machen Kurt nicht weiblich. Sie machen ihn nicht zu einer Königin, welchen Sinn man diesem Wort auch immer geben mag.

Aber wenn seine Umgebung ihn ansieht, wird ihm klar – erinnert er sich – dann sieht sie anscheinend etwas anderes.

* *

The scales fall from Kurt's eyes mere hours later. Not about Blaine, who is steadfast in the hallway after the announcement of Prom Queen and kind beyond belief on the dance floor, but about everything else.

People don't change. He should know that, because he doesn't change, but he'd foolishly thought that he was different in that regard, too. Hope is such a seductive emotion.

He looks at himself in the full-length mirror before he takes off his prom outfit and wonders what his classmates see that he does not. Yes, he's wearing a kilt, but that's a man's garment. Even when he's worn women's pieces, he's still clearly been male beneath. He's never once tried to be a girl. He isn't one.

To his eyes, Kurt has a man's shoulders, a man's chest, and a man's faint scratch of stubble on a man's jaw line. He has a man's hair, a man's height, and a man's wiry strength. He has a man's Adam's apple, a man's hips, and a man's in no way dainty feet.

His voice, his style, and his heart do not make Kurt female. They do not make him a queen in any sense of the word.

But when the world looks at him, he realizes - he remembers - they must see something different.

Tell us what inspired you to translate this

When I first read this fic I'd been instantly captivated by flamingmuse's talent in explaining what's going on in Kurt's mind. Through her eyes I could finally understand why he acted the way he did. His brittleness, his snarky way, his closed-off-ness (is that a word?). She let it all seem completely clear to me. So this is why it's been one of the first stories I'd felt the need to translate, but because of said sex scenes I procrastinated it a bit and it took me half a year to finally post it.

# 3: Translation of another AU I instantly fell in love with. It's @itslaurastone 's 'Where There's Smoke' on AO3 about Firefighter!Blaine

Tell us what else you love about the story, and what you love about your translation of it

I come from a firefighter background myself, so it's been interesting to compare German and American firefighter-specifics and explain them to German readers. On my German fanfic account I gave it a German title. There it's called 'Wo Rauch ist, ist auch Feuer' . This story had some tricky puns and quite challenging long nested sentences (can you say that? In German it would be 'Schachtelsätze') in a very poetic language that challenged my translating skills a lot and for those who know the story..... there is a poem I had to translate as well. Fortunately from chapter 11 on I had a wonderful beta, @klaine-rants, who also happened to be very knowledgeable about American Football and together we did quite a good job if I may say so. (including a hot shower sex scene ;-)) an example:

Blaine got to his feet in one fluid motion, curling his body around Kurt's back to kiss and nip along the edge of Kurt's shoulder, giving Kurt a wonderful view of his long lashes, heavy with moisture and fanned out slightly across his cheeks. He felt his breath hitch as his heart clenched in his chest.

Blaine kam mit einer einzigen eleganten Bewegung auf die Beine und schmiegte sich an Kurts Rücken, um seine Schulter küssen und beknabbern zu können und er erlaubte Kurt einen wunderbaren Blick auf seine langen Wimpern, benetzt mit Wassertröpfchen und Fächern gleich auf seinen Wangen ausgebreitet. Kurt stockte der Atem und sein Herz setzte einen Schlag aus.

Quote one of your favourite parts

"Wenn du so in die Feuerwache hüpfst, werden sie dich für ein geistesgestörtes Rotkäppchen halten, Rachel."

"Oh, mich werden sie für gar nichts halten. Uns werden sie für dankbare Bürger halten, die sich den unbesungenen Helden von New York City erkenntlich zeigen."

Kurt schnaubte verächtlich und drehte sich auf dem Barstuhl um, um sich weiter mit ihr zu unterhalten, während sie sich die Haare vor dem Badezimmerspiegel richtete. "Du willst ja nur diesen Feuerwehrmann, der dich wegen", er deutete mit den Fingern Anführungszeichen an, " 'einer möglichen Rauchvergiftung' genauestens untersucht hat, mit deinen überragenden Hausfrauenqualitäten beeindrucken."

Sie lehnte sich aus dem Türrahmen und fixierte Kurt mit einem sartanischen Grinsen. "Oh, fängst du jetzt damit an, Kurt? Denn dann werd ich dir jetzt auch mal was erzählen." Sie schob die Hüfte vor und zeigte mit ihrer Haarbürste direkt auf ihn. "Du hast gesagt, du willst, dass er wiederkommt und dich rettet."

Kurt stotterte: "Das hab' ich nicht! Ich habe nur gemeint ...oh, Gott!" Er verbarg stöhnend das Gesicht in beiden Händen. "Hab ich das? Ich weiß nicht, was in mich gefahren ist, er ist einfach ..... Ich steh nicht auf dieses 'Jungfrau in Nöten Ding', überhaupt nicht. Es ist nur .... Locken! Und diese Hosen. Und sein Lächeln, bitte sag mir, dass dir sein Lächeln aufgefallen ist?"

Rachel schaltete das Badezimmerlicht aus, kam die paar Schritte auf Kurt zu und nahm ihn fest in den Arm. "Er war wirklich süß und er schien nett zu sein. Ich versteh dich ja."

Kurt fuhr sich ächzend mit beiden Händen übers Gesicht. "Ich kann dort nicht aufkreuzen. Ich kann einfach nicht. Wahrscheinlich wird seine kesse, wunderhübsche Freundin hereinschneien, sie werden sich vor meinen Augen küssen und er wird ihr genau dann und dort einen Antrag machen und es wird ein weiterer Beweis sein, dass ich die schreckliche Angewohnheit habe, mich immer wieder zu Kerlen hingezogen zu fühlen, die ich nicht haben kann."

Finn, Sam, der gutaussehende, verführerische Spanier aus seinem zweiten Jahr an der NYADA, der unglaublich heiße, junge Mann aus Wyoming mit dem zähen Südstaatenakzent und jetzt ein Feuerwehrmann. Footballspieler, ein Ausländer mit Oldtimer-Motorrad, ein Cowboy und ein Feuerwehrmann – jetzt fehlten ihm nur noch ein Indianer und ein Polizist und er hätte die 'Village People' komplett.

Rachel gab ihm einen Klaps aufs Knie. "Nein, Schluss damit. Es ist viel zu lange her, dass du überhaupt an jemandem Interesse gezeigt hast, seit der Sache mit Thomas. Du musst dich einfach der Welt stellen. Hör nicht jetzt auf, wo die Sache gerade erst ins Rollen kommt!"

* *

“You're going to look like a deranged Red Riding Hood skipping into the station house with that, Rach.”

“Oh, I am not going to look like anything. We are going to look like grateful citizens, thanking the unsung heroes of New York City.”

Kurt snorted and spun around on the bar stool to continue talking to Rachel as she primped in the bathroom mirror. “You just want that fireman that checked you over for,” he made finger quotes in the air, “'possible smoke inhalation' to see your amazing house-keeping skills.”

Rachel leaned her head out of the doorway and affixed Kurt with a droll expression. “Do you want me to go there, Kurt? Because I will so go there.” She jutted her hip out and pointed her hairbrush at Kurt's face. “You said you wanted him to come back and save you.”

Kurt sputtered, “I did not! I just meant...oh, god!” Kurt covered his face with both hands with a groan. “Did I? I don't know what has gotten into me, he just... I don't have a damsel in distress thing, I don't. It's just...curls! And those pants. And that smile, please tell me you noticed that smile?”

Rachel switched off the bathroom light, and crossed the small space to give Kurt a tight hug. “He was really cute, and seemed nice. I don't blame you.”

Kurt scrubbed his face with both hands, groaning. “I can't show up, I just can't. I'm going to see his beautiful, perky girlfriend bounce in, and they'll kiss in front of me, and he'll probably propose right then and there, and it will just be further proof that I have a terrible habit of being attracted to guys that I can't have.”

Finn, Sam, the handsome and alluring Spanish boy from his sophomore year at NYADA, the incredibly sexy young man from Wyoming with a drawl that was thick like honey, and now a fireman. Football jocks, a foreigner with a vintage motorcycle, a cowboy and now a fireman. Throw in a Native American and a cop and he'd collect the whole Village People set.

Rachel slapped at his knee lightly. “Nope, no more of that. It's been too long since you even showed interest in anyone since Thomas. You just need to put yourself out there more. Don't stop now when you're just building momentum!”

Tell us what inspired you to translate this

There are two aspects that made me love this story from the beginning.

One is the firefighter aspect. It required much less internet research than the Hearing Verse, because I am familiar with the topic.

Second is the wonderful mix of utterly adorable, sweet and funny moments with really tough and hurtfull stuff. Kurt and Blaine fall for each other right from the beginning, but it takes them 3 1/2 chapters to finally go out on their first date. Both of them have been deeply hurt in the past and are very careful of giving their heart away. And then there is some Burt and Finn as well and that is a treat I could never resist.

#4 is the translation of @wowbright 's 'How Hard You're Trying', Part 26 of my 'Best-Of-Missing-Scenes- Staffel 3', a collection of my favorite missing scenes written by different authors to fill in all the gaps and voids of logic.

Tell us what else you love about the story, and what you love about your translation of it

It deals with the fact that Mr Schue has been elected 'Teacher of the Year'. Though we all know that Will Schuester is far from a good and inspiring teacher, Glee always wanted to tell us how great he is. And Kurt, though rolling his eyes at almost everything Will says in Glee during all three seasons seems to be perfectly happy with him being 'Teacher of the Year' as well. This story tells in a very comprehensible way Kurt's thoughts and struggles concerning the voting.

Quote one of your favourite parts

"Weißt du", sagt Kurt und reibt die Nase an Blaines Schulter. "Vor einem Jahr hätte ich wahrscheinlich für Coach Sylvester gestimmt. Also – als Lehrerin des Jahres meine ich."

"Wirklich?", fragt Blaine. "Aber sie ist so schrecklich."

"Ja, ich weiß. Aber sie war die einzige Lehrkraft, die wirklich wusste, was sie tun sollte, als David mich gemobbt hat."

Blaine reibt mit dem Daumen über Kurts Ellbogen.

"Und außerdem – obwohl sie gemein und fürchterlich ist und auch nach drei Jahren immer noch nicht meinen Namen gelernt hat – hat sie mir zugetraut, die Cheerios zu einem nationalen Titel zu führen. Ich kann mir nicht vorstellen, dass Mr Schuester das je tun würde. So sehr er auch immer davon redet, wie toll es ist, anders zu sein, hat er doch keinen Schimmer, was er mit meiner Stimme anfangen soll."

Blaine seufzt. "Du hast so viel Besseres verdient, Kurt. Du bist der einzige von uns mit einem Stimmumfang über drei Oktaven."

Kurt küsst Blaines Schlüsselbein. "Als ich anfangs zum Glee Club gekommen bin, war ich voller Hoffnung. Wir waren nur zu fünft, und nur zwei Jungs, und ich – ich freue mich, dass die anderen Jungs auch dabei sind, aber es ist, als hätte Mr Schue sich in Finn verliebt und das war's dann. Also, nicht verliebt – aber du weißt, was ich meine."

* *

"You know," Kurt says, nuzzling his face into Blaine's shoulder. "A year ago, I probably would have voted for Coach Sylvester. For Teacher of the Year, I mean."

"Really?" Blaine says. "But she's so … awful."

"Yeah, I know. But she was the only faculty who really knew what to do when David was bullying me."

Blaine rubs his thumb over Kurt's elbow.

"And anyway, even though she's rude and horrible and still hasn't learned my name after three years, she trusted me enough to lead the Cheerios to the national title. I can't imagine Mr. Schuester ever doing that. For all his talk about how great it is to be different, he doesn't know what to do with my voice."

Blaine sighs. "You deserve so much better, Kurt. You're the only one of us that has a three-octave vocal range."

Kurt kisses Blaine's collarbone. "I had a lot of hope when I first joined Glee Club. There were only five of us, and only two of us were boys, and I – I'm glad that the other guys are in it, too, but it's just like Mr. Schue fell in love with Finn and that was that. Well, not in love – but you know what I mean."

Tell us what inspired you to translate this

Like the other parts of my Missing-Scenes-Collection this story remediates the fact that the Glee writers often messed up gloriously. Sometimes due to time restrictions, or to serve the plot or the dramatic arc (like making Blaine a junior all of a sudden) or maybe because they just forgot (like Blaine's Sadie Hawkins-trauma). I don't think I could love this show as much as I do, if it just was the Glee story and nothing else. It's fanfiction what made the Klaine story so precious to me. All the little glimpses into their heads and hearts, all the missing scenes, comprehensible explanations of completely unlogical actions ..... all the inspirational sparks those authors came up with.

I wanted to share this with my German readers and they like it quite a lot. There is a lot of discussion and ranting about plot lines in the comments for my translations.

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uniformbravo · 8 years ago

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ok so. my day today

basically i spent a long fucking time today trying to Finally get off my ass and scan my traditional drawings so i can post them to my art blog, because like i have been drawing but these days the vast majority of my art is traditional sketches that im too lazy to scan so my art blog never gets updated and i rly want to work on that (i stg some of this shit is literally so old it’s from 2016 but whateverrrrr)

mostly the reason im finally doing this is that i don’t wanna wait too long to post my mp100 shit bc i’ve been drawing a Fucking Lot of that so i have enough to make a few posts now and i wanna get them uploaded while they’re still fresh, u know. the thing is since i was gonna scan those pages i decided it’d be a fun neat idea to scan the entire rest of the sketchbook bc Why Not

well i’ll tell u Why Not, there are several reasons Why Not:

it takes 12 yrs to scan everything because not only are there a shitload of pages but also the sketchbook is too big for the scanner so i have to do some pages 4 times to get all the edges and it’s horrible and bad, legitimately i was standing there for over an hour scanning this book, i put on an hr long video in the bg and got all the way through it and i Still wasn’t done

On Top Of That the scanner is kind of fucking garbage, as scanners are, so i have to take each image into photoshop to edit so they dont look entirely like trash (they still look kind of trashy anyway)

then for the multiple scan pages i have to patch them together so the images are complete / not blurry

then i have to collage all the drawings i want together because a lot of pages are either incomplete or only have like 1 thing i want to show on them so i spend like 100 years trying to arrange everything semi-nicely so that it’s, like, even slightly presentable, Maybe (idk i think the compilations tend to feel really cluttered tbh but Whatever it’s my STYLE), and also i have to take into account tumblr’s formatting so i usually have to make everything fit on a canvas either 540px or 1080px wide (this is even worse for pixel art bc it needs to be exactly 540px to look nice but i digress, we are talking about traditional art here)

so uh yeah that’s my process and Boy is it a Fucking Process

i think im complaining more rn because i have like a year’s worth of sketches im trying to deal with here, like. good god. i spent maybe two and a half hours working on this today (after the first hour of scanning things, just the scanning) and i did not get even halfway through the scans, and that’s just for the photo-editing stage, i haven’t even started putting together the compilations yet

god and like the Other Fucking Piece Of Shit Thing My Scanner Does is it tries to do this Smart Technology Bullshit and decide for itself where the paper ends instead of looking at, like, the actual paper’s boundaries, so even if i line everything up perfectly, a small part of the image fucking always gets cut off and if i were a stronger person i would engage in the full process of scanning the images, taking the flash drive back to my laptop, opening each image one by one to figure out which ones got cut off, going back to the scanner and re-scanning the pages and just repeating the process over and over until everything is in order but as it stands i do not have eighty-five thousand fucking years on my hands nor even a fraction of the mental capacity required to pull that off so we are just going 2 sit down & deal with some cropped images like mature adults

(tbh with all the cons of scanning the art, and there are a Lot of cons, i feel like it would probably make more sense to just take pictures using a camera instead, but on the other hand do not get me started on lighting, focus, unsteady hands, sifting through millions of copies of the same photo trying to determine which one came out the clearest, retaking photos that didn’t work out, back aching from being hunched over the paper for so long trying to get the perfect straight-down angle w/o casting any shadow, etc etc etc)

im just??? honestly, typing all of this out is making me sit back and think why?? why am i even doing this. this is so much goddamn effort for shit that probably won’t get very much attention, which is fine and all but god. jesus christ. im really putting myself through some shit for this

in any case i think i’ll probably be posting some of the more recent stuff first, like all the mp100 shit because like i said i want to post it while it’s still fresh and if i work on this whole project in chronological order u probably won’t see the things i drew this week until like next year hgkdslkdgn

#retag later #talkin bout life

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swearronchanel · 8 years ago

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ALRIGHT HERE IT FINALLY IS; 6.03 by me

I apologize in advance: this will be lengthy LONG AF, as it’ll be part-my thoughts watching live & part-post comments to certain thoughts

ALSO** DISCLAIMER** I SHOULD’VE SAID THIS A WHILE AGO BUT I’LL SAY IT NOW that I type my thoughts VERBATIM, which is why it’s never in essay format because eh, it’s not me. IT ALSO MEANS I CURSE A LOT IM SORRY IT JUST COMES OUT, I’M NOT ELOQUENT ENOUGH TO MAKE MY POINT WITH BETTER WORDS .. Anyway I shall begin, feel free to comment on anything *just don’t come @ me for literally just thinking something*

Ready @flyingnonny, @marialujan22

Cute little community, alright let’s see what’s going down

Chinese laundry a little stereotypical but I get it

SHELAGH’S UNIFORM BARELY FIT HA AW

“dear Patrick!” Laura is so adorable I can’t

The smiles in the mirror!! *shit after I think about it, more parallels. Shelagh’s looked in the mirror in so many of her great scenes. Series 1! & 2! & was that 4 with the nurse’s uniform the first time! Ah my bby growing up 😭

Lol sister Ursula’s annoying ass still here .. not for LONG THOUGH😊

NO ONE INVITED U ALONG SIS

dead @ Patrick’s reaction, someone gif it

Her mother in law looks mean as hell

Is Lucy mixed?

ah yep called it. Damn deported? Too relevant today..

PHYLLIS

I just get so excited now I love her

Lmao remember when I legit didn’t like her because of her comments to Shelagh before she came back to nursing. DONT WORRY IM OVER THAT

Shelagh looks so pretty!! More of her in cute outfits with the hair down pls 😍

Here for her 1962 wardrobe

Lol lullaby type music what’s she pulling out

“Tempting fate” stop! No bby everything will be okay if not I’m losing my shit

Sister J & Shelagh moments are precious ** Ah you guys reminded me of again another parallel I’m so here for it.

But like if she’s almost halfway as sister j says, has she told everyone already? we shall see, or maybe it’ll be implied

Shelagh saying “WHAT?” is most of my internal monologue in just about all my classes

FUCK, SISTER URSULA ARE YOU FOR REAL

Phyllis’s hand raise tryna avoid actually saying “no offense” to Dr Turner is gold

UGH I CAND STAND THIS NUN UGH

I will bet all my the cash in my wallet (prob $30 at most) we’ll see a soft side to her and Ima still be like “adios puta”

Shelagh’s like “we have a game plan” aw she is pure gold, protect her at all costs what the hell!¡💖

Also if no one at nonnatus knows this could’ve been a perfect chance to tell them, or someone could’ve been eyeing her walking around the table and suspecting? Like Phyllis would notice, she knows everything

Shelagh looking at Patrick literally like “is this bitch serious??”

This isn’t Downton Abbey, I never hated a ‘main character’ (don’t come @ me I hated a few characters but still loved the show)

SISTER URSULA STRESSED? OH WELL

Yo did sister Julienne really not slide Shelagh a new uniform? She’s in a cute outfit but c'mon

Lol this lady knows she’s pregnant

Fred angrily spinning the wheel, I feel

DONT TOUCH THE ROLODEX

PHYLLIS COME AT HERRRRR

20 min visits, “OK”.

Oh no. I sense a sad story coming

Phyllis’s little run, precious

Sister Julienne spilling the tea, but again I don’t care about sister Ursula’s feelings or backstory

WAIT WHO CALLED A THREAT OF GETTING SHUT DOWN THOUGH? IT WASN’T ME BUT I REMEMBER READING IT? Lol score for u because I didn’t see this coming (even though I know damn well they’re not shutting down, like the show would be over)

PHYLLIS ANGRILY EATING IS ME

IDEALLY I’D WANNA SAY I’M TRIXIE BUT HONESTLY WHEN AM I NOT PHYLLIS

she’s my hero anyway, no disappointment

Angela is precious

Tim trying be funny lol but we actually hate sister Ursula

HA NO SQUIRRELS , WAIT so today literally a squirrel ran across the feet and I freaked out. My campus is full of squirrels but like I’m from NYC I don’t fuck with them.

Ok, A) Shelagh’s shoes kinda don’t match but I’ll let it go & 2) is it implied everyone @ nonnatus knows? Like how has she not had a checkup this whole time. I guess Patrick could but that’s doesn’t seem likely

Toad in the hole?? que eso?

I think I said the other day I think she’s watching tv somewhere

MAKE SISTER MJ RETIRE ?? UM HOW DARE U SAY A THING LIKE THAT

The table: *collective gasps* me: *LOUDER GASP*

EVERYONE WAS SHOOK WHEN SHE CALLED BARBARA A SLACKER

Why is babs taking it to heart? Like she sucks anyway

I love Phyllis damn it, not in a way I love Trixie and Shelagh though, it’s different I can’t explain it

I need Phyllis to encourage me to stay in university PLS (some one meet Linda Basset & send me a video of it)

Ah “delightful” screams. This show terrifies me to think about being pregnant one day lol. Like I thought my mother’s stories were bad enough but nah

Shelagh: *is frustrated* me: *gets frustrated* RELAX BBY

how did they really leave her alone, DAMN IT SISTER U, THIS THREATENED MISCARRIAGE WILL BE ON YOU

Also someone get her a new uniform she’s going to dirty her nice clothes

When did scrubs become a thing ?? my mother has like a zillion pairs & I can’t imagine her working in a dress all day. Omg I gotta find a picture one day from when she graduated nursing school she had such a similar style uniform to the nonnutans, I love it 😂

Patrick needs to put his damn finger down im tired of that shit. If he ever does it again with Shelagh I’ll flip a lid

Anyways..

Did she not want a girl?? @ in law

“no, a girls very special” aw

“MY WIFE IS SPREAD TOO THINLY” ha like on a cracker JK STOP STRESSING SHELAGH

“She wouldn’t appreciate the term Elderly primigravida” ha true man, remember she said that last series

lol I wanna see her reaction if they ever label her again

UM SIS YOU ARE TRYING TO STOP THEM FROM BEING COMPASSIONATE AND HELPFUL THOUGH?

get the fuck outta here, let them send sister MJ away I will revolt

Saw this scene haha, hope Ursula falls off

Damn came at Lucy, what’s wrong with Linda haha, that’s my gram’s name

She’s so chill about that, me? I wouldn’t let that go. I’m also so damn extra & annoying

“HELLS BELLS” Lmaoo

Not the same as Phyllis saying “Hells teeth” but that’s catchy

Also Patrick can’t type that’s funny

“mending your dress” FIRST OF ALL PATRICK, SHUT UP

YES SHELAGH TELL HIM

“Cool, calm, collected & professional” love her

SHE LAUGHED BUT CRINGED I NEED The GIF

You guys don’t understand, i need to screenshot a conversation with one of my friends. Her and I only ever use CtM screenshots for message reactions it’s so funny but also weird in a way😂 sometimes their cringes are better than basic memes

But to be honest they really have never fought? Lmao that moment could’ve been a little argument but they got over it too quick, bc/ how do they ALWAYS agree/get on? (Excluding the adoption issue but whatever)

Lol why did she have to get up, you get up Patrick

Her outfit is so cute !! My bby

AW!, they’re cute, I’ll forgive him

former nun sitting on a mans lap I love it!¡ without context it sounds funnier

“We’ll pull through, we always do” better be some foreshadow for something good!

I don’t think she has postpartum though

*SUCKS TEETH* UMM BABS not checking the baby is prob a bad move

Shelagh definitely has a baby bump at that angle, DOES EVERYONE KNOW or not WTF?

Bby you feel pain that’s not good u know this !

seriously does Barbara not see it

I’M MRS COLLIER OR WHATEVER BRINGING UP THE SUBJECT & BETTING ON IT

“Have you all been speculating?” HAHH

“Well I don’t approve of gambling on the premises” SHELAGH YOU ARE A GEM

seriously protect her at all costs, I know it’s coming but I don’t know when or how

ALSO THESE PATIENTS KNOW AND ARE ABOUT TO TELL EVERYONE THEY SEE, SO AGAIN, DO THEY KNOW @ NONNATUS?

shit they screaming, calm down ladies

“SPOILED UNGRATEFUL GIRL” SHIT SHE PLAYED HER

lol Patrick trying to play it all off like he’s calm, cool and collected

WHY IS THE INSPECTOR SHADY?

no one asked u to be honest keep it pushing

Also it’s 31 MINS IN & TRIXIE IS NOT HERE YET? like when is she coming? I’m less hopeful of her saving the day the more time goes bye :/

WHY IS THE BABY NOT BREATHING?

“how can you [maternity home] compete with that [hospital]?”

JUST WATCH

Don’t blame yourself Barbara :/

Again Shelagh’s having pain, it’s going to be soon isn’t it?

This better not be the heart to heart Laura mentioned ** ah we’re good it’s not

#SaveTheMaternityHome2k17

Shelagh is going to the bathroom OMG SHES GONNA BLEED NOW RIGHT

FUCK, SHE IS. MY BBY💔💔

DIOS MIO AYUDA ME

she’s so scared, I cry for her

“Hello nurse Crane, it’s Shelagh..” *omg she rarely introduces herself & even less as Shelagh & I feel no one calls her that but Sister J & Patrick?

PROTECT SHELAGH AT ALL COSTS

why St Cuthberts vs the London?

DOES THIS MEAN PHYLLIS KNOWS? I need answers

Phyllis being a badass simply walking down the hall

BEATRIX BBY💕💕

HERE SHE IS, LETS GET IT

I hope this baby lives omg

I mean baby Lin, baby Turner will happen

FUCK THE INSPECTION YOU’RE MORE IMPORTANT SHELAGH

THE MAGNIFICENT PHYLLIS CRANE

Shelagh in the hospital bed is breaking my heart I swear I don’t have

PHYLLIS IS GOING TO HANDLE SISTER URSULA & SAVE THE DAY

I wanted it to be Trixie but IM NOT MAD LETS GET IT PHYLLIS

ugh pls save the maternity home

my poor girl looking so sad **** also how did she get all her things on the table?

Give Laura Main every damn award this series, I don’t care if we’re only 3 episodes in.

Her bump looks more visible in the hospital gown? do you think it’s a pillow or something lol

TRAGIC BACKSTORY UNLOCKED

SHIT ITS SO SAD omg, I’m cryin

PHYLLIS FINALLY PRESSING SISTER URSULA, TELL HER

AW babs we all feel

Phyllis protecting Barbara aw

There’s not been as much Trixie as I had hoped 💔

But she’s back bitches and I’m happy I missed her

So Barbara smokes for real now, but Trixie doesn’t share her black cigarettes haha

Take your weak apology and go

I CALLED IT, DONT @ ME

I KNEW SISTER MJ WAS WATCHING TV SOMEWHERE

they put a bench out for her how sweet

Sister MJ saying “silence” then “shh it’s starting” is me every week watching this damn show

It hurts that I am so invested in this show

How did it happen I don’t know but I love it so much

Barbara’s ring is pretty

All is well & everything is almost back to normal and lovely *for now*

Sister Julienne is so faithful, like I really would struggle to be so compassionate

Sister Ursula is upset and I’m awful because I do not care

I knew they’d show her vulnerable side so we’d change our minds but I can’t

Sister Julienne you’re so great

It wasn’t a leak??

YES SHE’S ALIVE

“I’m going to the mother house” *squees* YES ENJOY, THANK YOU FOR THE DISTRESS, PLEASE BE ON YOUR WAY

Sister Julienne don’t ask her to reconsider

This was a sweet moment but still don’t like Sister Ursula

AW SISTER MJ I LOVE YOU

she’s so pure, protect her!

Nice leaving the door open Sister Ursula

HATE THE CHARACTER, but you HAVE TO ADMIT HARRIET WALTER IS AN EXCELLENT ACTRESS

Phyllis driving her is only right

YES SISTER J IS BACK IN CHARGE

#LETS GET IT 1962

Trixie’s concerned, WHERE IS SISTER MARY CYNTHIA?? ** I really thought Trixie was going to play a bigger role in this episode & I thought this was going to be a longer scene but there’s 5 more episodes, I won’t complain I’ll just be patient. LOL JK UM when is Trixie going to get some time to shine

Oh Shelagh 💔

Aw the Chen’s

OKAY THEY’RE CELEBRATING & EVERYONE’S HAPPY BUT DO THEY NOT KNOW ABOUT SHELAGH? ** **I’m still not sure if they even know she’s expecting but why was Sister Julienne not told she was in the hospital? I know it happened fast but there was time. I don’t like how this played out like it seemed pushed aside but I guess that’s what next episode will address (I hope)

Otherwise, excellent as always

AH VANESSA REDGRAVE & THE NARRATION >>

“We are all traveling through one another’s countries but it is no matter if we meet as strangers, for we can join forces and learn to love..” ah this so applies today ugh the world is insane

BONUS: PREVIEW FOR NEXT WEEK

New midwife = Valerie’s coming back which is cool but also she’s going to be problematic so *hmm* maybe not

Fred and Violet are cute but still cringing & laughing about them in episode 1

“..The way the world treats women” MORE PHYLLIS BEING THE MAGNIFICENT GEM SHE IS, I AM EXCITED

finding out Tom’s past will be interesting, I’m thinking his mom almost gave him away but then didn’t? probably was raised with out a dad maybe? We’ll see

“We were happy enough before and we’ll be happy again, whatever happens” I don’t freaking know if this is Patrick comforting or breaking but I’m going to BAWL NEXT WEEK. Shelagh’s face omg💔 I can’t take this like she’s been through so much! They’ve been through so much heartache, what more can they take. UGH WTF I feel like they never get to enjoy anything, & I know “that’s life” & “it’s a drama” or whatever you say but damn. I love this poor character so much (why?¿!) & she’s usually sad in every series !!

The End.🙃 it’s 1:52am, I should go to bed.

#call the midwife #Thoughts #lets get it 1962 #save nonnatus 2k17 #my bbys #PROTECT THEM AT ALL COSTS #especially shelagh this series #i mean it!#my commentaries™

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kc-krill · 7 years ago

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Time to Vent

Alright so. This is the only way I can really vent anonymously. I don't want to post on Instagram or some shit like that. I'm not even sure if anyone is actually gonna read this shit but here goes.

I feel shitty. Like really shitty. Like I dont want to be here in this world shitty. I'm not looking for pity or anything like that. Don't Comment numbers to suicide hotlines because I'm honestly not going to call them. But I don't want to be here anymore. I lost the fucking love of my life and I hate everything.

It all started back in October. Yes. I know most of you are thinking "why are you so broken up about a girl you met 3 months ago". But she was different. It didn't feel like 3 months. I 100% she is my soul mate. I 100% believe we were together in a past life. And we've found each other again. I don't open up a lot. Not ever actually. My best friend of 6 years gets angry with me because I don't open up. But it was so easy with her. I never felt like I had to hide or lie or act any other way than myself.

When I first met her, let's call her K, she invited me to a party. I thought she was dating someone at the time so I didn't really think past "this girl is pretty awesome. She'd be an awesome friend". She was single I come to find out. The next week she invited me universal horror nights with her friends. We are inseperable the whole night. It's our night. We laugh and joke and it's the start of something extraordinary.

As time goes on she says she believes in an concept of soul mates. That there are about 7 people on this Earth who you are destined/scientifically researched to be the most compatible with. And we talk and talk about how we are each other's 1 of 7's. This becomes our main cute thing.

But she tells me she just got out of a relationship and though she really likes me she says she wants to be 100% I'm not a rebound so we have to wait a while. And she wants to experience being single a little bit because she's been tied down time after time for the past few years. I think that's pretty reasonable so why not.

So she goes on a date with this guy. Let's call him T. They go to Knott's scary farm Halloween night. It just so happens im going with my friends that night too. So during that night we meet up with them. She didn't realize it was a date apparently until halfway through. He seems cool enough. She said she didn't really see a future with him aside from a couple dates and possibly a cool friendship.

So fast forward to Nov 25. I take her out for her birthday. We go to Disney. We have an amazing day. It was magical. The very next day. I get into a car accident. My car is totaled. I get a concussion. Nothing serious enough for an overnight stay at the hospital. You know how they say life flashes before you're eyes right before you think you are gonna die? I didn't see my life. I saw her. Only her. So that night, I tell her about the crash and she is so worried about me she sneaks out and comes to my house. I tell her I'm in love with her. This isn't out of nowhere btw. We have been basically dating this whole time. Kissing. Cuddling. Having sex. The whole shabang. Anyway. The next day or the day after that. She says it back.

So she's still seeing T. They've gonna on a couple dates here and there. Nothing serious. But he's starting to really like her. I ask her about it and she says that she's not that into him but she just like the chillness of not being tied down right now. She says they won't sleep together. A couple nights later they get drunk and sleep together.

So I'm heartbroken. She says it was a mistake and that she was drunk. I try to look past it because we weren't together so I can't really be mad. She didn't cheat on me. But I'm still there for her. I told her I would never leave like everyone else in her life. No matter what happens im gonna be there. Even if we don't end up together. We keep having our thing. And here's where I fuck it up and you all hate me.

So I have an anger problem. I punch walls. I break things. I wouldn't ever slap or hit a woman. But when I get back I don't realize how much force I'm using. So a couple times I've grabbed her arm or her thigh and she said it hurts. I've since stopped doing that. But that's not the bad part. I also have a really bad habit of hitting myself when I get angry. I have no release so I take it out on my own body. So during one really really intense fight I grabbed her hands and started punching my face with them. Her hands hurt for days after that.

Yes yes before you comment how much of a piece of shit I am I understand. I 100% know I'm a horrible person. I get it. You don't have to remind me.

This fucks everything up. That week I was staying with her while her parents were away. The next night she is hanging out with T and she texts me she is really furious with me and can't see me tonight and I can't stay there. She tells me T won't spend the night there with her. She tells me to come the next morning. I arrive the next morning and blow up her phone that I'm there. No response. So I come inside and go to her room. What do I find but them naked in bed together. So I knock on her door loud AF and we have an argument. She tells me they were going to have sex but didn't. And I believe her because despite all of this we are 100% truthful to each other. That and since I knew they were hanging out I took the lube. Because I bought it and I'm not ok with him using something I bought to fuck the woman I love. She tells me that me fucking up like that brought T and her closer and he's not just some guy anymore.

Anyway. I, of my own volition realize that I'm a fuck and go to anger management. I can't have a healthy relationship if that part of me is there still. So I'm working to get rid of it. I told her if I ever touch her again while angry I will walk away no questions asked.

Side note. This whole time she is trying to get me to go on holiday for New year's with her and her family. They first try to go to Saint Lucia in the Caribbean but my dad won't let me. Then Hawaii but my dad takes too long to give an answer.

So I'm in Texas for Christmas and she tells me she's taking T on holiday. They are going to Colorado. I feel horrible. She says she went to therapy and the therapist told her not to be with me. That she shouldn't have this anger in her life. The next few days are a bit awkward because she basically just told me she's not gonna choose me. But we get back into our flow. Flirting. Sexting. We talk about all the "fun"we're gonna have when she gets back. Cut to today

She tells me he told her he loves her. Gave her key to his apartment. She hasn't said it back. But they are official now. She says they have an expiration date. She doesn't think it's gonna last past may/june. But for now, they are together.

Believe it or not that was the quick version. That's why I feel shitty. The one person in this world who I think doesn't think I'm a total fuck up, I lost. I fucked up the only thing I've cared about. This has been one shitty shitty shitty year and this is a fucking Grand ol way to end it.

I'm pretty positive no one read this whole fucking thing. If you did thank you so much.

TL;DR - I fell in love and fucked it up and I just want to die.

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loveshalifeworld · 7 years ago

Text

Copy of Why Do Women Hate Women...SO MUCH?

So I did a little research before writing this Blog. I watched a little Oprah, a little Iyala fix my life, little Love and Hip Hop Hollywood, ya know, the essentials 🤷🏽‍♀️ I can think of a million examples to start with from my personal experiences, friend's experiences, reality TV etc etc, but I'm going to use Cardi B as an example (just bare with me)

I am a super Cardi B fan! Boom, there, I said it. Not because of Bodak yellow, but because she has worked hard to get where she is right now, she just wants to help her family, she is honest about her life and who she is, and she is SO HUMBLE. This woman is still a super fan of every artist she was a fan of before she got her big break, and she is so appreciative of the people who support her music. She is just such a sweet girl, and it makes me proud to see her doing well! SO, Nicki Minaj had kind of thrown some shade at her by liking a negative comment a "Fan" wrote on a Cardi's IG, and then posting a negative tweet clearly aimed at the new rapper mentioning her boyfriend. Cardi was CRUSHED because she said she couldn't understand why someone she admires so much would go out of the way to tear her down.

Why do we do that to each other? After my very intense research, I think I've got a few ideas:

Social conditioning: we are conditioned as young girls that we have to be better than the person sitting in front of us and behind us. From sports, to clothes, grades, how many friends you have, who you sit with at a lunch table, how to impress a guy more than the girl next to you. It's all been programmed in our minds. The competition (and no I'm not talking about friendly competition, because that is always healthy) is engrained so deeply in us, that we often feel the need to compete in areas where a competition should not even exist. STORY TIME 🤗🤗 When I was in 7th grade I chopped my hair off because every girl in the 7th grade except maybe two at my new school HATED me because I "thought my hair was cute" (said the ring leader of the group) and because some guy had a crush on me that apparently was the hot guy of middle school. (Fun fact, I didn't start liking boys until summer of my 8th grade year, so their hate was ill directed.) I'm sure you all are wondering why I remember that alllll these years later. Well I remember it because there was an entire grade of girls who hated me lol I was new and out of the ordinary, those girls were conditioned to hate me and to try to annihilate me, you never forget an annihilation attempt! There was a girl who actually came to me at lunch one day and said "I like you, you seem really nice! but everybody else hates you soooooo yep." She apologized to me as stuck a huge piece of gum in my hair as all the kids at the other tables laughed. I was so confused and I cried lol I went home and cut my hair, told my mom I accidentally cut it. After a while of course, the girls realized I did not wish to threaten the social balance and they backed off...for the most part. I later ended up dating the guy most of high school and became amazing friends/frienemies with those girls. I now understand that they had no choice but to hate me. Though I understand it, I don't want to raise my future daughter to treat people that way. I want to condition her mind in a way that she knows, there is room for all of us here to be great. NOW THAT IM DONE CRYING ABOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL.... a more up to date scenario When I say unnecessary competition, this is what I'm talking about. Say we are in the gym, I don't know you, you don't know me right? I put my treadmill speed at 6.0 you bump yours up to 6.1, midway through I bump mine to 6.8 (because the app that I'm using tells me to,) you bump your up to 6.9 just to stay ahead of me, but now your halfway dead because you're trying to compete with me on something I've BEEN training at. I stop my treadmill to move on to something else and you're thinking "YES! I knew I could beat her 💁🏽" just before you fall off and pass out and get rushed to the hospital. Where as while you're dying, I'm not even aware of the fact that you exist, I'm just happy I was able to finish my run today for once, AND if you had asked me how did I train to to comfortable run for a certain distance, I would have been more than happy to tell you everything I know to help you out!! We are conditioned to feel as if we are in constant competition with each other. This usually happens in cases of an oppressed people. You get that mentality where "I've gotta look better and have a better body or I won't find a husband.""I've gotta be better, I've gotta get their first, or there won't be anymore left for me." "If someone Is better than you in anyway, you'll never make it out." That my loves, is the mindset of an oppressed people, and yes, women are an oppressed people. It's not your fault, we are literally trained to be better than each other by any means necessary. It's like Lord of the Flies up in girl world! (If you've never read Lord of the Flies, you HAVE to! That's a good book! It's about these boys who get stranded on an island and...well thats not important here I guess, but still go read it)

External Validation- Validation (n)- recognition or affirmation that a person or their feelings or opinions are valid or worthwhile. We have a constant need to be validated by the outside world, some women more than others, but we all need to be validated in some way. In the movie mean girls Cady (Lindsay Lohan) started off pretending to be a mean girl, but as time went on, she actually became a really mean person because her thirst for validation continued to grow. Her need to be known as the prettiest girl in school, her need to be popular, her need to have the best clothes, her need to have the best hair; all of this because she wanted to feel validated by the outside world. She did't care about who she hurt or made fun or walked over, because her need for validation caused her to not care about being mean to anyone. She was perfectly fine and interesting on her own, but because she developed that need to be accepted and validated, it changed her. We need to hear "omg you're so much prettier than her" "omg your hair is way cuter than hers". MY (insert whatever) has to be BETTER than YOUR (insert whatever) or my dopeness is not VALID. NO SIS you're dope, I'm dope, we are all dope. Thats all the validation you need.

Success- I'm going to break success down in a few different areas

You know the saying "misery loves company"? You know how you will be having a great, lively conversation with one of your friends, and then you spring some good news on her and it gets reaaaallll quiet and dry on the other end of the phone? Women do not like when other women are happy. Whether its a happy relationships, happy at work, or just happy to be alive. Your friend tells you OMG I'm so excited, I just bought these new shoes and they were on sale. She is clearly excited, but secretly you're angry because you wanted those shoes and couldn't afford them that day, so you tell her the shoe s are ugly and make her feet look big, out of "love" of course. Or you have a friend that gets into a new relationship and is very happy, you blow up on her for talking about her new boyfriend, telling her that you're sick of hearing about him (after she has only mentioned him once), all because you're upset that you aren't getting a "text back". You should want to see your friends happy. Whatever another woman is happy about, just let her be happy, and try to indulge a little bit in her happiness. Sometimes you just honestly, do not want to hear it, girl, I get it; that's not what I'm talking about. I am talking about if the only time you are enjoying a conversation, is if your friend is on the phone crying her eyes out about how her guy mistreated her or dishing about her awful day at work...that is what I'm talking about. I know people like that who are just eager to hear bad news about my life, soooo I don't tell them lol but if it excites you to learn about the low points in people's lives or to see another woman not doing so well, you really should take a look at yourself love. You need to ask yourself why the idea of another woman being happy makes you feel like the wicked witch being melted by rain on the inside.

Women hate to see another woman having a more successful career/business than her. You want to see your friends do well, but not better than you. In the field that I work in, there aren't always a lot of women around! So when I see another woman I'm happy like hey girl hey, lets be better than all these guys together lol It's not always like that, it's every woman for herself 🤷🏽‍♀️ Oh well. Ya know, I recently met a young woman who is pretty awesome! We clicked immediately, like we both just KNEW ok, this is my soul sister. We chatted as she was doing my hair and the conversation flowed onto the topic of our dreams and we both had a similar idea! In most situations thats a no go, that conversation would have stopped right there because I don't want you to take my ideas and run off and be better than me. We should have been looking at each other side eyed lolGuys, we both got so excited when we realized we had the same idea and ended it with "SIS we need to get on this together, lets set up a meeting and lets collab" !! You should WANT to see another woman doing well in a career, and if I can help you, or we can work together yesss lets do it. Women should Support women!

Women don't like women who they think are prettier or have a better body than them🤦🏽‍♀️🤔 I'm not even going to get into this one because it's self explanatory. This is a terrible reason to hate someone... you hate me because you think I'm pretty or my butt is small and round, and I hate you because you're pretty and your'e butt is big and round. Soooo we are all out here admiring each other and instead of complementing...ugh I digress. ALL WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL!!

A QUICK RUNDOWN OF other miscellaneous reasons women hate other women

Women don't like women because of hair,

their shoes

dressing too "slutty"

dressing too conservative

smiling too much,

having resting b*tch face

having a nice car

perfect makeup

waving

not waving

laughing too loud

she must have gotten a nose job

you stole my boyfriend in 3rd grade

I mean.....you guys get the point by now

I think that It all boils down to INSECURITY. We alllll have little insecurities, but just because I am unsure of myself in an area does not mean that I need to make myself feel better by tearing another woman down. Just because I feel there is an opportunity for another woman to be "better" than me in an area does not mean I should tear her down, talk about her, or discourage her, it just means that I need to make sure I continue to be MY BEST SELF.

Guys, we desperately need to stop comparing ourselves to each other, that alone eliminates a majority of the issue. There is no comparison to YOU. Stop comparing your love life and your body and your hair. There will always be a woman who has a flatter stomach than you or a better butt or longer hair or a taller boyfriend. We have to be able to recognize the beauty in other women while still appreciating and admiring our own undeniable beauty. I guarantee you while you are looking at her wishing you had something she has, she is looking at you wishing she could have something you have. know why?? Because Every woman is a piece of art work carefully crafted by God. There is so much power and beauty in being a woman, and the world already tries to ta take that power from us, we definitely should not do it to each other. Empowered women, empower women!! So, take your power back, by loving yourself. There is sooooooo much more that can go into this post, because there is some serious healing that has to go on in the girl's club ya'll, but I'm going to run out of characters lol. For now we have to stop being so nasty to each other! When you run into a woman wearing acute dress or a nice pair of earrings, just compliment her. Just walk up to her like "hey girl! your dress is the cutest thing I've ever seen." If you're going to compliment, might as well SUPER compliment.I do it all the time, like omg girl the way you slayed that ponytail is AMAZINNGGGG haha. Spread some love!Let me know how it goes! I hope you all enjoyed this one! Feel free to leave a comment or send me an e-mail.

PS: Don't forget to give yourself a compliment too 🌻

0 notes

loveshalifeworld · 7 years ago

Text

Why Do Women Hate Women...SO MUCH?

Why do we do that to each other? After my very intense research, I think I've got a few ideas:

Success- I'm going to break success down in a few different areas

A QUICK RUNDOWN OF other miscellaneous reasons women hate other women

Women don't like women because of hair,

their shoes

dressing too "slutty"

dressing too conservative

smiling too much,

having resting b*tch face

having a nice car

perfect makeup

waving

not waving

laughing too loud

she must have gotten a nose job

you stole my boyfriend in 3rd grade

I mean.....you guys get the point by now

PS: Don't forget to give yourself a compliment too 🌻

0 notes