#ok I’m sorry no morbid jokes

[yuutito]

bro why the earthquake happened while my hands were.. busy.. down below 😭😭😭 i was like theres no fucking way this is happening NOW

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH IM SORRY FOR LAUGHING BUT THAT WOUKD BE THE WORST WAY TO GO OUT SKDJSKDHD

[unholyverse]

i want to know i want to know about it so bad tell me about it. please

ok a lot of people sent me the asks for it but i will answer yours because :3

sorry in advance for formatting i’m on my phone and tumblr never shows me the right image thumbnails

ok so sometimes i’ll subscribe to the slumber podcast patreon bc. honestly i think they’re more enjoyable together when they’re being boring and talking about mundane shit. but one of the times i wasn’t, i see this on the podcast twitter

and me <- fic writer with morbid interest wanted to see what the fuss was all about because:

travis is writing a fic about his very real and personal friends

travis is writing a fic about his very real and personal friends’ to the theming of the album (that’s supposed to be) about religious guilt and sexuality that as far as i know, said writer of said album has not discussed with him because of the nature of it

this was set in travis’ knockoff pokemon au he sells books of on amazon (i don’t think awsten has read any of his books including this one)

on top of that when i open the first chapter, he says he wants to post this to ao3 when it’s done. i want to punt him to a wall until he goes splat like a cartoon before he’s able to do that.

ok so this is where the terror starts for real. there’s only 5 chapters up so far but each chapter is supposed to correspond with a track on intellectual property (which is 11 tracks….)

so we start on chapter 1: ST*RFUCKER

in this chapter, awsten goes back home from his pop star life in whatever in universe equivalent to la travis has and back to the in universe equivalent to houston while he muses on a recent falling out with some oc travis also made up named ash.

oh did i mention im pretty sure travis made everyone gay in this. bc he did. travis made everyone gay in this.

and here’s when i start to see some of the notes other friends have made about travis’ writing from reading his other books. it’s almost like…too travis than anyone he’s trying to write lol. it feels like i’m just reading travis self projecting more than writing the thoughts of another character (who is. his irl friend)

so awsten gets reacquainted with his parents who are loving but just don’t Understand him and his big city habits and clothes now but it’s fine.

oh and travis made jawn and awsten have a past hookup in this. did i mention that bc he made that a thing.

the chapter ends with awsten not getting a text back from ash and getting pissed at it in his childhood bedroom.

and that brings us to chapter 2: real super dark

travis starts this with awsten having a post coital convo with ash and flashes forward to the present where ash won’t text him back.

as awsten is mourning this, he starts thinking about how at least he never wrote a song about him and travis makes awsten muse on the ciara situation but replaces her with a guy literally called NAMELESS.

normal things to write about your irl friend hahahahaha <- i’m starting to lose my mind but know this isn’t the worst of it.

after this is the part where travis texts awsten to come to a party at his place and it becomes very apparent how much travis has fucked with his own self characterization LOL.

here, travis characterizes himself as an avid drinker and party boy that awsten begged to go to the in universe equivalent of la with him, but travis stood his ground and stayed back home. in real life, i think travis is like a sentient piece of white bread and the general coolness of a high school anime club. also i feel like awsten ignores travis sometimes for his other friends. sorry travis.

when it hits me again that this is something i paid $5 for and this is a guy writing incredibly self indulgent and personal fic that is too self indulgent and personal to be a joke, i stop to ask a discord server of friends if this is insane (they agree it is) and continue on.

in the end, awsten flashes back to another post coital moment with ash before he’s supposed to leave and i have to read the implications of awsten banging the oc travis made up again.

that was kind of a nightmare just from the bare bones of it right? it gets worse. it gets so much worse.

here comes chapter 3: funeral gray (he spelled it like that bc fuck british spelling we’re in the us of a 🦅🦅🦅🦅)

so awsten is at travis’ place which is kind of a shithole and i assume travis starts projecting about his own neighborhood through fic!travis for like a paragraph.

the party sucks and awsten isn’t really around any of his friends so he goes to leave but notices some guy in a gray sweater outside doing the in universe equivalent of filling up his pokédex with one of the creatures under someone’s car.

then after that we have to have this bit of dialogue that reaffirms to be that this song’s lyrics taken literally is probably the most annoying conversation ever.

awsten introduces himself to the guy, who immediately clocks him as a pop star he’s heard on the radio.

then travis ruins the moment by showing up drunk and telling awsten to come back in, where jawn is there and it’s not that awkward for them to hang out despite their weird hookup.

they try catching awsten up with local gossip while making themselves out to a fire pit and awstens still trying to find out who the guy he met with the sweater was. by pure coincidence, the sweater guy is outside having a smoke and awsten is crushing hard like an idiot and then we get the reveal that sweater guy is geoff.

yep. we just got gawstened.

now here you might ask, “oh the friend groups all there where’s otto?”. he is literally not in this. at all. i assume there’s a lot of reasons he’s not in this (he’s not close enough to otto, he doesn’t know enough about him in general, possible jealousy on travis’ part on. things?) but either way. he’s not in this shit at all which i find to be a mercy to otto but also. rather interesting. hm.

ok this got too long that tumblr won’t let me post the rest of the screenshots so i have to do a part two which i’ll prommy i’ll link here later i just refuse to type this shit out myself and i need to show you how this is something he is actually posting.

edit from the future: here’s part 2

[blackbutler-readerinsertsandjunk]

Ahem... Angst me mommy! I remember because last I sent a request of angst you said we were supposed to say that. Anyways can you do modern scenario Agni x reader with absolutely soul crushing? So basically I want the reader to get hit by car literally and be in the hospital when Agni arrives there BUT I want it to have fluffy ending. I got hit by a car once I always laugh about it but people say I'm morbid XDDD

looool you don't HAVE to say that haha!! it's just a joke ;)

... but thank you tho! I'm sorry you had to go through that, dang :c I'm glad dark humor could help you tho, sometimes it helps! and I really hope you're doing ok nowadays <3

You really should have seen the car coming, shouldn’t you?

Except, well, you were doing everything you were supposed to be doing. It was the driver who wasn’t following all the rules, so you think perhaps the universe (and your boyfriend) can forgive you for getting hit by a fucking car. You hope so, anyway.

You’re on a few painkillers right now, so you blame that for the fact that the incredibly stupid pun of, Surely an accident isn’t bad car-ma, is it?? floats through your mind. Ugh, you’ll have to cringe at yourself later.

The good part is that the painkillers, whatever sort of cocktail they have you on, are doing their job ― you’re not feeling much pain. Thank God. You’re just sore of vaguely aware that your body feels like a single huge bruise, and you’re tired.

As soon as AGNI comes into the room, your brain is trying to snap to attention. There he is, there’s the person you love. He looks so… concerned? You’ll have to apologize to him as soon as you can form a coherent sentence.

“Aah, jaan, what happened?” he murmurs, coming to sit next to the bed. Almost immediately his hand comes up to gently cup your cheek. “W… well, I know what happened… sort of… oh, my God, (Name).” He shakes his head. “How do you feel?”

“I’m okay. Kinda tired… my brain is all shaky… like I can’t… it’s fuzzy, you know?” You’re not sure how else to describe it. Still, you let your eyes close for a second as you feel so comforted by his hand on your face. Whatever else might be true at any one time, Agni makes you feel safe. As long as he’s here, everything’s going to be okay. “When will they let me go, love? I want you to take me home.”

You might be whining a little bit. You think you’re pretty justified, though. More justified than you are on most other days, at least.

He shakes his head. “They want to keep you overnight, just to make sure there aren’t any problems they’ve missed. You’re very lucky, do you know that? This could have been a lot worse. I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m sorry I worried you.” You reach up to slip your hand over his, taking a breath. You’re pretty sure you have a broken rib or two… it kind of hurts to breathe. The painkillers can’t fix everything, you suppose. “You’re still going to take me home, aren’t you?”

A soft laugh meets your ears, and he presses a light kiss against your forehead. “What are you talking about? Of course I will. As soon as the doctors tell me I’m allowed to take you home, we’ll go home.”

You nod, giving the conversation an air of finality. (… At least, in your mind.) “Okay, good. I can’t wait to go home. Will you stay with me tonight, though?”

“Where else would I go?” You can hear the smile in his voice even while you recline back to try and rest. “I’ll text Soma that I won’t be home tonight. Although… he’ll probably come right over when I tell him what’s going on. Is that okay?”

“Mhm. That’s fine. Tell him not to flirt with all the nurses; they might take away my pain medicine if he’s too annoying.”

Agni laughs again. “They wouldn’t. But I’ll tell him to keep that to a minimum. Do your best to relax for now, alright, jaan?” Before he moves to take his phone out, he runs a hand through your hair. “Don’t worry. Once we get you home, I’ll take good care of you.”

[detectiveichijouji]

Case 29 - A Clash Between Minds

[AO3 version]

“Sigh,” sadly Daisuke was a little upset about putting Matsuno Takato’s life in danger. They had been friends since they had met at middle school and they luckily ended up attending Amanogawa High as well.

The effects of being used as some sort of host for a few hours weren’t bad, it's just that he witnessed all of that and couldn’t do anything to stop it. Matsuno was fine as well, somehow. But can Daisuke look at the other kid ever again after this??!

“Daisuke, are you…” V-mon wanted to ask him ‘are you okay’ but this felt obvious he wasn’t.

“... Don’t worry about me,” he replied.

Ken was also there with Wormmon, because he had a little impression he was the main reason for those things happening to his friends and anyone else in Tokyo.

“... I’m sorry Daisuke, It’s my--”

“Don’t dare to feel guilty about this,” Daisuke looked at him with a serious glare. He was also pouting. Deep down Daisuke knew this wasn’t Ken’s fault at all.

“... Ok.”

“Ok, good” the other sighed and relaxed in his desk chair. Luckily the Motomiya family did not question what happened and they just accepted that a digimon had attacked and Daisuke had to do something, “You said you found a card in that smoke, what was written on it?”

“I’d like to discuss it with everyon--”

“It’s past bed hours,” V-mon interrupted them, “Maybe everyone should just go to sleep.”

“I can’t wait until tomorrow tho!” Daisuke protested, slamming his fist on the desk, “Someone is playing with us, someone forced me to attack one of my friends…!”

“V-mon is right too,” Ken frowned, “This is not your fault either. You were attacked because you’re my best friend.”

“Sigh.”

“I think Daisuke-san is not thinking straight,” Wormmon whispered to Ken and V-mon, “He might be suffering from distress.”

“... If something like that happens again, please don’t hesitate.”

“W-what!?” the three gasped.

“Daisuke, that’s ridiculous what you’re saying right no--”

“Look, I don't want to harm anyone again! If it happens again and there’s no other option, just do it.”

“That’s a morbid thing for you to say” V-mon frowned, “You just had your birthday…”

“... I refuse to,” Ken stared at him back, “I won’t let that happen, and if it happens we will save you again. Don’t you want to open that ramen business, you idiot??! Then, for your own sake, just don’t say absurd things like these!”

Daisuke wasn’t fine indeed. He was just in shock, and then he turned the chair to the computer. V-mon could see him muttering something, but not sure what was.

“Uhh… It’s okay!” V-mon said, “I’ll take care of him from now. Thanks for escorting us back home.”

“... Someone pretending to be the Digimon Kaiser made a challenge.”

Daisuke turned the chair back to Ken, surprised to hear that.

“He wants us to get the 15 fragments they made. If we find them… He will stop.”

“You don’t trust someone who’s claiming to be your old-self right!?”

“No, but we know Unryuuji Naito is involved, and he might have been using his family’s technology to build the fake shards.”

“Which means we need to find where they’re making those and then…”

“I need your help to put an end to this. Your and Noel Leblanc’s.”

“Huh, funny you mention Noel like this now…”

“He’s furtive and sly, also he might know more than we don’t yet.”

“He left a hotline number, remember? So call him tomorrow, I smell that you’re plottin’ something…”

Ken smirked, “I am, indeed. If someone wants to pretend to be me, then he better be ready when the real Digimon Kaiser takes him down.”

“Don’t torture him that much, you jerk” Daisuke chuckled, joking lightfully.

“Are you feeling better now?” Wormmon asked him.

“Yeah, thank you Ken, Wormmon.”

The other day, at school… Ken started to wonder who would be the one pretending to be his past self. Someone who knows about his past as the Digimon Kaiser, someone…

“Oh I forgot to bring Wormmon’s apple juice…” He said, and then he noticed Wormmon frowning, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay I--”

Suddenly, a boy with a bowl cut and lilac hair popped in. He handed Ken a box of apple juice:

“Hey I got a spare, do you want it?”

“Oh… Thanks…”

Ken took the juice box and opened a hole in it with the box’ straw and then gave the juice box to Wormmon.

“Thank you!!”

“But were you eavesdropping on us?” Ken raised an eyebrow. It was strange but he cannot deny an act of kindness.

“Sorry, I was passing by” the polite boy replied, “I’m Nokita Yu, you’re the famous genius boy Ichijouji Ken, correct?”

“I hadn’t been a famous genius since I was ten…” and honestly, Ken wanted to not be called a ‘genius’ anymore. He at least wanted to deserve that title, with his own efforts.

“Ah, I’m sorry again” Nokita apologized once more, then… “But I heard you had been working with the police to solve certain digimon-centered cases, is that true?”

“...”

“How do you know that, Nokita-san?” Wormmon asked.

“It’s on the news” he replied, “Also there’s a BBS where Chosen Children and digimon, and even normal people can submit a case to be investigated, right?”

“Yes, we run that BBS-like webpage.”

“Oh, so you’re one of those people who go there?” Wormmon asked innocently.

“With all the information you can get nowadays, it’s hard to not be well informed,” Nokita laughed.

“You didn’t come here to only offer me apple juice, did you?”

“Well… You’re a sly detective. And I’d like to meet you in case I need your services.”

This sounds very suspicious though…

“And If you need a hand, just call me” he left a paper on the table and left.

“Ken-chan…?”

Ken took the paper and looked at the contact info on it -- it was an email and a phone number. But why would someone just come in and drop contact info on him?

“... Suspicious.”

“Indeed,” Ken and Wormmon were just surprised by Noel just popping out of nowhere.

“W-where did you come from!?” They snapped, “You can’t do that!!”

“Oh, I came from the entrance door” Noel answered, deadpanned.

“...” they squinted their eyes at Noel.

“Besides I can take someone’s for--”

Ken immediately covered the French boy’s mouth: “You can’t do that here!!” He whispered.

“Sorry sorry, c'est la coutume… haha” he chuckled awkwardly.

“Why are you here though?” Wormmon asked, “You don’t attend this school…”

“I’ve been trying to track who’s using the Digimon Kaiser alias to commit crimes in the human world,” Noel said, now that he, Ken and Wormmon were on the roof of the building.

“I see…” Ken commented, “I assume you found something leading to the same school I attend?”

“Yes and… No.”

“What do you mean?” Wormmon asked.

“Considering that you got a mysterious call out of nowhere before… Maybe it could be someone who has your phone. Someone this close to you.”

“Someone close…” Ken repeated, “But they could be from the Chosen Children Network too. We tend to leave our emails and other ways to be contacted in case anyone needs support.”

“Yes, I’ve thought about it too. But there’s a ton of humans with a digimon so far, so I guess we need to check this school’s students here.”

“Hmm…”

“Wait,” Wormmon said, “so we have to investigate Ken-chan’s classmates and club members in order to…”

“Actually,” Ken looked at Wormmon and then to Noel, “You’re right, we should consider taking a look into this school’s recordings.”

“I’ll ask mademoiselle Espimon to search for the schools and workplaces for each of you twelve, and I might leave Motomiya-san’s school in Soleil-san and Lune-san’s hands.”

 “Alright.”

“Then, adieu--”

“Wait a moment,” Ken said quickly, “There’s one more thing I have to tell you.”

“Hm?”

Ken then showed the strange card he found last night. The card wasn’t handwritten, so they couldn’t use it to identify its sender alas… Yet this just sparked some curiosity in Noel.

“So they want to play with you huh…”

“I don’t like to be playing mind games with someone using my old persona though…”

“Interesting… But Motomiya-san is correct, this might be a bluff. Someone who simply sides with a digimon who hijacks another being’s body cannot be reliable.”

“... You’re angry about what happened to Daisuke too, I suppose…”

“He’s my friend after all.”

“Daisuke, have you said something stupid?” Miyako squinted at him. She heard from Ken last night.

“Look, I was not in the right place” Daisuke snapped, “Bet you'd have said the same thing if you had put someone in danger!!”

“I wouldn’t! Because I would know it wasn’t me who had done that!”

“But Miyako… I was forced to do that, it’s different.”

“You… what ?!”

Iori, Hikari and Takeru clanced at them, and their digimon were also looking at the group.

“What do you mean?” she asked, frowning.

“My family was in danger… I had to let that vampire-thing use my body to deliver a ‘message’ and somehow I was not able to resist or stop myself. If it weren't Matsuno, it would’ve been my parents or Jun…!”

“I’m…” Miyako had no words. None at all.

“So this is why you asked Ichijouji-kun to…” Hikari asked, but she was interrupted by the shard radar’s alarm.

“What now!?” Takeru clenched his fists. Iori checked Miyako’s laptop.

“There’s a Digimental fragment energy nearby,” he informed the group, “Should we go?”

“I will call Ken,” Daisuke sighed, “I’ll catch y’all later,” and he and V-mon left the karaoke booth.

“Is it safe to leave him to call Ken all alone?” Patamon asked.

“It doesn’t matter now, leave it to V-mon” Tailmon spoke, “We have to stop whoever is under the fake shard’s effect before something bad happens to anyone or them.”

The four went to the place where the radar readings were detected and saw that same masked kid next to a Mammothmon. Iori assumed that digimon was the digimon-or-human under the power of the faux fragment, because of the green gem stuck on the foe’s helmet.

“Hm? Where are the other two?” the masked human said, their voice altered to not have their identity revealed.

“Do you expect us to tell you!?” Takeru snapped, “Everyone, evolve and free the victim from that shard!”

“Alright!”

“... I have a game for your friend Ichijouji Ken,” the enemy said, “But I can’t start it without him.”

“A game?” Armadimon narrowed his eyes at the enemy, “What do ya mean, dagya?”

“Ken-kun won’ t come,” Miyako gritted her teeth, “We will stop your annoying plans right now!”

Iori took the advantage to stop behind Takeru and opened his phone. He typed a message and sent it directly to Ken and Daisuke’s phones.

“Why do you want to ruin the fun, Inoue Miyako?” the masked human said with a disappointing voice tone.

“This is NOT fun!” Hikari replied instead, almost losing her patience and glaring at the other person, “You’re putting people’s and digimon’s lives in danger just for this?! Can you find something more useful to do!?”

“... Mammothmon, get them.” The masked foe snapped their fingers. Mammothmon then dashed into the group’s direction.

The 02 group’s digimon evolved (to Silphymon, Angemon and Ankylomon respectively) immediately and shielded the kids. 

“Silphymon! Try to catch that gem, dagya--” and then Mammothmon grabbed Ankylomon by his tail by using their elephant trunk… And used him to attack the other two -- “GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!”

“Anklymon-- OOF!” Angemon and Silphymon said, while they are thrown away like a ball hitting the baseball bat.

“Silphymon!/Angemon!” Miyako and Takeru gasped.

Then, Ankylomon was tossed on the other two partner digimon. Luckily, Silphymon and Angemon were fast enough to dodge. But Ankylomon was feeling dizzy… 

“Aaack… 💫”

“Angemon, I need support” Silphymon (Tailmon side) asked the angel-like digimon, trying to approach Mammothmon’s head.

“Got it,” he nodded, and then he tried to hold their opponent. Though Angemon wouldn’t be strong enough against a perfect level digimon…

“We will need Shakkoumon maybe?” Hikari looked at Takeru and Iori, concerned.

“Ankylomon,” Iori ran to his partner digimon, “Can you still fight? We need Shakkoumon’s help here…”

“Dagya!” Ankylomon got up and nodded.

The digivices’ colors changed, becoming a matched pair and then released lights which formed the Jogress Holy Ring for its execution -- Ankylomon and Angemon turned into light beams and waltzed in a helix shape. Once the lights hit the Jogress Ring, Shakkoumon emerged from its top, and floated to Mammothmon.

Shakkoumon was big and strong enough to grab Mammothmon with their hands and let Silphymon remove the gem, turning the poor salaryman back to normal.

“Ken we need your help--”

Daisuke finally found Ken, who was with Noel at a coffee shop.

“Ken, Noel! We’re in real danger!” V-mon snapped, “How can y’all--”

“We’re not fooling around” Ken replied, calmly “We were discussing how we can go help the others… Seems like it’s a trap.”

“Huh??” Daisuke blinked.

“Your friends sent a message to Ichijouji-san” Noel explained, “Haven’t you get it too? He mentioned your email was also included on the header.”

“We didn’t check our inbox…” V-mon said nonchalantly and then looked at Daisuke, who was already checking his phone.

“You two are right…” the boy said, “Iori left a message saying something like that. The fake Kaiser wants to play a ‘game’ with Ken. They said they will solve it by themselves.”

“We were just thinking how can we go and help them,” Wormmon repeated with a frown, “We don’t want anyone to be hurt because of us.”

“... If it is a trap or not, we better go and see what this idiot wants,” Daisuke argued, “I’m not going to stay out and let my friends be on their hands. Not when I had been used as a puppet last night…!!”

“I can’t play a game without my favorite target” the masked guy watched Silphymon destroying another of their faux shards again, “You all are a nuisance to my entertainment.”

“This is NOT a game!” Hikari finally lost her composure and shouted, “How can you treat living beings like they were toys?!”

“Tell Ichijouji Ken I’m quite disappointed with him refusing to play. Bye bye,” and then they left.

“We can’t let that guy leave!” Takeru said quickly.

“Silphymon!!” Miyako ordered.

“Alright,” then Silphymon ran after them, only to be blocked by Matadrmon, “You again!?”

“My job is to keep the Neo Digimon Kaiser safe. Get out.”

“Huh??!” Silphymon’s Tailmon side seemed indignant by what response.

“If you don’t back off…”

“WIRE PUNCH!!”

Paildramon finger-cables came from nowhere and wrapped Matadrmon, who was caught off guard. They then saw Daisuke coming from the opposite direction.

“Daisuke-kun!?” Hikari exclaimed.

“Where’s Ken-kun??” Miyako asked, immediately.

“He’s fine, don’t worry!” Daisuke answered after he stopped in front of the group, “He left Paildramon with me.”

Iori wasn’t sure if this was indeed Daisuke though. Because they all knew Noel Leblanc AKA Arsenemon is too good enough impersonating the others, at least until he’s pressured by others with questions only Daisuke or Ken (or the real person) would know.

“Huh… Will you use the same trick again?” Matadrmon scoffed, and then tried to free himself from the cables.

“YOU!” Daisuke stared at him, “YOU WILL PAY FOR WHAT YOU HAD DONE!!”

“I guess you’re the real Dai--” Iori was about to comment, but only to witness Daisuke suddenly muttering something that wasn’t in Japanese…??

“Je vais te faire payer pour avoir blessé mon ami.”

“... Daisuke-san?” Silphymon (Aquilamon side) said, tilting their head.

“What? I mean, will we stay here without doing NOTHING and stop that cheap vampire from doing something horrible to everyone??”

“... He got a point, dagya” Shakkoumon (Ankylomon side) commented.

“I can’t let you catch me here” Matadrmon then threw countless javelins against the group, forcing the Jogress digimon trio to try to repel them all… Also… forced Daisuke snap his fingers and protect the 02 kids from it with giant playing cards.

“... I guess I was right after all” and the youngest of the kids said unamused.

Matadrmon escaped in the meantime.

“Oh shoot… I almost did it…” Noel sighed, then he checked the communicator in his ear, “Pardon, Motomiya-san, Ichijouji-san…”

“No sweat, Noel…!” Daisuke answered with a chuckle.

“Wait, was it a plan?” Miyako blinked.

“Well, yeah” he snapped his fingers again and turned his appearance back to Noel Leblanc disguise, “This was the only way we could come to help, sorry for deceiving you again.”

“Are they safe?” Hikari asked, concerned, “If their digimon are here…”

“The digimon partners are with them, this Paildramon is a magical copy.”

And with this… Paildramon vanished in a blink of an eye leaving just a small sparkling smoke. The other two Jogress digimon broke their fusions and turned back into Hawkmon, Tailmon, Armadimon and Patamon.

“But are they okay?” Miyako insisted. Noel just handed her the earpiece.

“Ask yourselves, it was Ichijouji-san’s idea.”

“Ichijouji-kun??” Hikari and Takeru blinked. Miyako put the earpiece in her ear and then talked.

“Hello, Daisuke? Ken-kun? Are you there?”

“Yeah, we are!” Daisuke answered her, “We had to do something else so Ken made this plan to send Noel and a copy of Paildramon to help.”

“Then, why didn’t you tell us!?”

“If you knew it it wouldn’t work,” Ken replied this time, “Don’t worry about us. We’re checking a few pieces of data with Koushiro-san.”

“Right now?” 

“Yup!” Daisuke talked again, “We’re using the radar to find the factory and the remaining fake shards. Let us know if y’all pick something suspicious. See ya!”

“What did they say?” Iori asked, curious.

“They are at Izumi-senpai’s office looking for the factory and the other fragments,” she looked at Iori, “They told us to let them know if something strange happens.”

“En tous cas, we need to talk about a little thing.”

“Huh?” the four kids and the four digimon blinked.

[with-the-flickers-of-light]

in response to the rolling stone article

// or: in which i once again read the bullshit and criticize it, including quotes so you don't have to give them clicks

link: https://www.msn.com/en-us/music/other/we-wouldn-t-be-having-this-conversation-if-taylor-swift-was-a-man/ar-AA1bU70M

"Their sentiments were best summed up in an open letter on Twitter using the hashtag #SpeakUpNow (named after Swift’s upcoming re-recording of her 2010 album), which states that Healy’s many controversies “deeply trouble” them. “From engaging in racist remarks, making offensive jokes, and admitting to watching degrading pornography in which people of color are being humiliated and assaulted, his actions contribute to the perpetuation of hate, stereotypes, and objectification, which targets and hurts some people from the Jewish, Black, Chinese, Hawaiian, Inuit, LGBTQ+ communities, as well as women.”"

I don't have anything to comment on with regards to the Speak Up Now hashtag, but I just want us all to keep in mind that this was quoted in the article, so that when we get to the next line...

"The statement refers to the derogatory comments Healy laughed about regarding the rapper Ice Spice on The Adam Friedland Show podcast in February and the questionable apology he delivered onstage last month."

... we can all recognize that the comments on Ice Spice were definitely not the only concerns. If you have to minimize the concerns in order to fight them, then you've already admitted defeat. (I don't even know why I bothered to read the rest of the article. Call it morbid curiosity.)

"This is all part of Healy’s artistry: an intricate, tangled web of bits intended to rile you up and piss you off. This is the guy who eats raw meat onstage, gives Nazi salutes, and delivers intelligent observations like, “I’m obsessed with my d*** for some reason.” Stupid S*** is his brand. Are we really supposed to take anything he says seriously?"

So what you're telling me is that giving Nazi salutes is his brand? I'm sorry, how is that meant to be a fucking defense?

I wouldn't "take him seriously" as in engage in real academic discussion with him, no, because he's acting like a fucking moron and there's a snowball's chance in hell of him responding to criticism in good faith (see: that time he was Islamophobic and refused to be corrected by an actual Muslim). But when a person shows you who they are, you believe them. He's saying stupid things, and I'm "taking him seriously" in that when he acts racist, I call it racist.

"I’m not here to answer that, but I am here to tell you that none of it is Taylor’s problem. For the last 17 years, we’ve held this woman responsible for the actions of men she chooses to spend time with, and it’s time to stop."

I've not been on Swiftie social media for long, so I don't know a lot about what pre-Joe discourse was like. But from what I (as a non-Swiftie) understood of it, the criticism leveled at Swift was that expressed in "Shake It Off": "[she goes] on too many dates / but [she] can't make 'em stay". That's not criticizing her for men's actions, that was slut-shaming.

I also want to point out the use of the word "chooses". The author is blatantly acknowledging that this is a choice, while also saying we can't hold her responsible for it. I'm sorry, but if you make a choice, then you will be held responsible for that choice (that goes for both appreciation for the good and consequences for the bad).

"It would be fair to criticize her for walking out of Electric Lady with the ghost of Pol Pot or wondering why her dad and Matt Lauer are grooving out to her performance of “22.”"

Oh, yes, my favorite argument: absolve racist people of their racism because at least they aren't genocidal dictators. Did we learn nothing about systemic racism? During the Lover era, Swift acknowledged the importance of being anti-racist, not just "not racist". And "not a genocidal dictator" is an even lower standard than "not racist". So no, it's not ok to be racist, even if you're not a genocidal dictator.

As for Matt Lauer, as I understand it, then main allegation against him is sexual misconduct. In which case I would like to bring your attention to Where the Crawdads Sing and David 'O Russell. Huh, seems like this article is actually arguing that we shouldn't cancel Swift now, because we should've cancelled her back then.

"But this is just a hot sleazeball who wants Oasis back together (I don’t know about you, but I’ve dated a lot of guys who fit that description), and it’s up to Taylor to spend her time as she pleases."

A HOT SLEAZEBALL WHO WANTS OASIS BACK TOGETHER. That's what the author got from all of Healy's shitty behavior??? He's hot (ok fine whatever allos i'll never understand you). He's a sleazeball (yeah he does look like one). He wants Oasis back together (i have never listened to them and refuse to go down another research rabbit hole). Those 3 things seem pretty unproblematic, sure, and yeah, I'm sure plenty of people have dated those kinds of people.

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL THAT HEALY HAS DONE. Like, fucking hell, I'm not sure how Nazi salutes or torture porn are ANYWHERE near the same fucking level as "wants Oasis back together". Do you understand how confused I am by this argument????

"“While individuals have the right to make their own choices and form relationships, we believe that it is essential for those in the public eye to take a stand against discrimination and hold themselves and their associates accountable,” the open letter reads. But that’s just the thing: We don’t treat Taylor like an individual."

... cool, cool, well then it's time to start treating her like an individual. Again, the author is not actually making counterpoints to the Speak Up Now letter; rather, it's picking random words to expound upon.

However fans treat Swift does not exempt her from being held to standards, m-kay? (If anything, existing so publicly and wielding the social power that she does means holding her to higher standards than randos with no influence.)

"We treat her like a deity, one who must re-record “Snow on the Beach” because the original didn’t have enough Lana, and who needs to get political again since it’s been three years and 119 days since she did so in Miss Americana, and that’s far too long."

...I'm so confused, what does treating Swift like a deity have anything to do with the "Snow on the Beach" re-record? I'm lost. Someone help me. I do not understand.

Also whatever the motivation behind re-recording "Snow on the Beach", whether or not it's apparently because we treat Swift like a deity... that's called capitalism? Fans have the right to criticize your work?

3 years and 119 days is actually far too long since getting political if you once said that you'd always stand with marginalized communities. And as I've said in other posts, she is getting political now by associated with Healy. That's a political statement, like it or not. So she's involved. We're just saying it'd be nice if she was involved in supporting human rights as opposed to torture porn!

"If Swift were a man, we wouldn’t be having this conversation."

... I have so many criticisms of "The Man", do not even fucking get me started.

(As I have also said before, feminism shouldn't be about giving permission to women to be pieces of shit: it should be about stopping men from being pieces of shit. I went over this in my post on "The Man" already, but here's my summary: pretty much every behavior exalted in "The Man" (both the lyrics and music video) is NOT admirable. I swear, no one wants to hear about how you're a millionaire when so many people in your country are struggling to pay rent, or tuition, or for life-saving medications. No one I know respects Leonardo DiCaprio's sexual habits; I thought we were all making fun of him for dating young women under 25? If you're urinating in public, I do not care if you're a man, a woman, or non-binary, I will be angry. Anyways, the point is feminism is meant to fight The Man, not to become The Man.)

I can't speak for anyone else, but personally? I'd be fucking pissed about this situation whether or not Swift was a man.

Can't wait to be accused of more internalized misogyny because I criticized a woman. Lay it all on me.

[screams]

[duckit7]

Online Dating Can Be Hard 5

I had some more I wanted to add on from yesterday. Sorry for some of the morbid humor... I’m a fan but know some peeps aren’t. Otherwise I hope you enjoy some happy banter between these fools! Positive vibes peeps 

-----------------

The walk back to the truck was filled with nonstop chatter and banter between Cam and I. The joy his body radiated was exactly want I was looking for when I saw his dating profile.

“Do you like pie? And are you in any rush to get back?” I asked nonchalantly as I slid into the driver’s seat and buckled up.

“Is that even a question? Yes I am a sane person who LOVES pie! And I don’t have anything going on today!” He beamed before narrowing his eyes jokingly. “Wait… this isn’t some Shakespeare shit right? You’re not going to bake me into a pie are you?”

I looked at Cam wide eyed and laughed. “You have some fucked up shit rolling around your mind my guy! And no. I’m not going to make you into a pie! I don’t think there is even enough of you to make a pie. You only have enough meat on you for a slice.”

“And you say I have fucked up shit rolling around in my head! Plus, I think I’m definitely two slices worth at the least!” Cam protested.

I just shook my head. “That’s definitely debatable. Any who… Would you like to get some pie or what? I know a great place about 20 min or so from here we can go to. It has great pies and pasties we could get for a late lunch early dinner.”

Cam pondered the question. “I will allow it!”

I hope Cam could feel how hard I rolled my eyes. “Thank you, your royal highness… Or should I say your royal lowness” I said looking down at him with a chuckle.

“Har har har…” Cam said waving a dismissive hand. “I have one condition though!” he shot back.

I raised an eyebrow. “And what would that be?”

“You let me pay.” He said with a soft smile.

That look was making me fall apart at the seams. I chewed on me lip for a second. “You do know I’m going to eat way more food than you… The amount you eat doesn’t really even equate to you paying for the whole meal. I don’t mind paying!” I started rambling.

“Kate.” Cam said. I immediately shut up. “Please. I would like to pay. Didn’t you even say I could last time?”

I bit my lip again. “I guess I did…” I sighed. “Ok… You win. I’ll let you pay.”

Cam lit up. I shook my head and wondered if he knew how much of an affect he had on me.

------

The pie place was bustling with tourists and townies alike. Cam leaned lazily against my neck. He decided to use my sports bra strap as a seatbelt which made me laugh.

“You grew up with only sisters, didn’t you?” I asked.

“Yeah why?” confusion filled his voice.

“No reason. I was just wondering.” I said nonchalantly.

I could feel him staring holes into the side of my head, but he didn’t say a word. The waitress was a bubbly girl who was probably between high school and college working a summer job. I set my palm gently on the table. Cam jumped off like it was a regular occurrence.

“What are you thinking?” He said studying the menu strewn out in front of us.

I rested my arms on either side of him. A smile came to my face when he didn’t even flinch. I liked that he felt comfortable around me. I leaned over and studied the menu.

“The pie I don’t really care so much about. Rhubarb is always good. So is blueberry, apple…  basically, all of them look great. I’m definitely eyeing that beef pasty though, but I can eat anything… preferably with some meat…” I said.

Cam looked up at me and snorted a laugh. “So the veggie pasty it is!” he joked.

The bubbly teen made her way back with a pad of paper and a pen. “What can I get you folks?”

I looked down to Cam who was looking up at me. I motioned my head towards the waitress. Cam nodded.

“Um can we get a beef pasty and the raspberry rhubarb crunch pie?” Cam asked looking up to the woman.

“Sounds good! I’ll have that right out for you guys!” the woman said before turning to bounce off to the kitchen.

Cam chuckled to myself which drew my attention. “What’s so funny?”

Cam looked up at me and smiled with childlike glee. “I’ve never given my order to a human before.”

I couldn’t contain myself as a hardy laugh escaped. “Well you better get use to it if you are gonna hang around me!” I looked back down at him with a huge genuine smile as I propped my chin up on a hand. “How did it feel?”

He beamed up at me with his signature smile. “It felt great!”

“Come to think of it. It doesn’t surprise me that you haven’t ordered with a human before. I have never ordered with a parvus before…” I said lost in thought.

Before Cam could answer the waitress strode back with our food. I could almost see Cam salivating as he stared at the pie.

“Let’s dig in before it gets cold!” I said sinking my fork into the pasty before me.

I had seen Cam eat before but it always brought a smile to my face. The food was practically bigger than him. Cam circled the pie trying to fine the best spot before settling for the tip that was packed with filling. Cam moved back and forth between the pasty and pie, nibbling happily along.

The food was gone in no time. The waitress gushed over Cam when he handed her his card. I couldn’t hold my smile back as his beard did little to hide the red that filled his cheeks over the attention.

“Come again!” the teen beamed before bouncing to the next table.

Cam was chuckling to himself, “She had some energy.”

I nodded. “She did. I wish I had half of it.” As if on que a yawn escaped my lips.

Cam smacked my neck from his perch. “No yawning! You have to drive us home! Plus…” Cam paused to yawn himself. “Plus, they are contagious.”

“You are so bossy.” I poked. “I swear this is like slave labor.”

“You were the one who invited me! You knew what you were getting into.” Cam shot back.

“You know I can still leave you behind!” I said opening the door to my old truck but pausing with Cam still in my hand outside of it.

“You wouldn’t dare! You know Lilith would miss me too much!” He said narrowing his eyes at me.

“Lilith probably barely remembers you. You two only met once.” I snorted a laugh as I placed him on the platform.

“But it was a memorable meeting! Plus, she is very impressionable at her age!” Cam protested.

I shook my head as I strapped in. “Cam she is almost 10…”

“Oh wow… She already has a foot in the grave.” Cam said before turning to see my appalled face. “I mean…. She looks really good for her age! Still young and spry!”

“Cam I’m gonna flick you!” I said deadpanned.

“No please!” He screamed dramatically, throwing his arms in front of his face. “I’m too adorable to die!”

“I hate you.” I grumbled back.

“Wrong four-letter word, but no worries. I know you were trying to say you love me.” He said in a patronizing way.

I rolled my eye hard. “No, I meant. Hate.”

“It’s ok. I know English can be hard for you. Say it with me. Love.” Cam continued.

“Hate” I tossed back.

“Take it slow. L-O-V-E. Love” He smiled from the passenger seat.

“H-A-T-E. Hate.”

“Hmmmm… We will have to work on that” he said grabbing his chin.

“You’re killing me smalls.” I smiled as I pulled out of the parking lot.

-----

The car ride back was filled with music classics ranging from Don McLean to Garth Brooks to Queen. Karaoke with Kate would break most ear drums, but we didn’t care. Time flew by as the little Tacoma pulled up the same parking spot as this morning. The sun was setting as Kate walked casually back to my place.

As she came to a stop in front of my balcony, she brought her hand up. I slid from her shoulder to the safety of her palm with no hesitation. Slowly she laid her hand at the edge of the railing for me to jump off.

“I had a great time today! Thank you for letting me come with!” I said looking up into her blue grey eyes. They seemed to glisten in the setting sun.

A big smile stretched from ear to ear across her face. “I did too. Thanks for coming.”

We stood there in silence staring at our feet. Neither of us wanted to say goodbye, but we also didn’t know what to say to not make it more awkward.

“We should do this again!” I said with a shy smile.

Kate nodded. “We should! There never seems to be a dull moment with you around.”

“Right back at you!” I tossed back. “Well… I guess this is good night… Text me later?”

“You know I will! And I guess this is good night… See you around Cam.” She said with a nod.

“Night Kate…” I replied.

I watched her walk away. Being around her made me feel warm. I smiled thinking about how the world works in weird ways.

[disastercg]

(๑￫ܫ￩) 💖 hello everyone ! i’m viv / gmt+1 / & i’m so so so excited for things to get on the road ! i’m coming in with two characters actually, (not-so) sweet inna, and disaster man niko ! below the read more i’ll put some facts and links for you guys ! also, discord is available if anyone wants ! thanks so much guys, i’m ready to get to know everyone in and out of character ! as for me, i love brain storming, coming up with plots and crazy ideas. queen of tropes and silly plot twists. i’m the type of writer who does tend to write a lot, so be sure to tell me if you want me to keep it simple/shorter! as for headcanons and ooc, i talk a lot, especially about our characters. sorry in advance lol! anyway hi! ♥ lesgetit!  ↴

inna !

💚 first up is inna ! she filled a skeleton, the wizards apprentice, one of two. she lives on whale island with the crazy old grumpy wizard, and is a curse-breaker extraordinaire (ok not extraordinaire, she’s still learning to push the boundaries every day). she’s minding her own business day in day out, tryna make a living, change the world, as one does. 

her step brother (who’s a wanted connection for me actually) was her best friend growing up and for a long time. unfortunately he was bitten and followed to become a cursed-blood. since then, she climbed the beanstalk, marched up to the wizard, demanded he help her learn (with her stutter and soft spoken voice and lisp and all) and since then she’s learning every day to be stronger and better.

tends to dress in a somewhat ostentatious matter, with often handmade clothes knitted, painted or patched herself. her clothes tend to wear her more so than her wearing them

markedly, she can have a somewhat similar manner to the wizard of whale island himself, and they have a seesaw relationship that’s known to come to verbal blows from time to time

a talented artist, particularly with scenic, life study and architecture. originally, she intended to be an architect for a living, prior to certain events changing her goal and life

here is her pinterest board for inspiration ! her profile if anyone is interested is here!

despite her tiny voice and soft vibes, she’s a very strong woman, single minded and focused, snarky and creative but not the type of person to let her herself be distracted. 

niko !

💙 niko ! my original character! my little gremlin detective. he grew up to a relatively normal family who for the most part, didn’t take much part in magic or anything in the lands that came with it. but then it all started (when the [boundary] attacked 🤡) when he started hearing the ✨whispers✨. originally, he had a hard time placing what exactly was happening due to his family being Not The Type. but when he realized, it was a hell of a coming to terms for him for sure. realizing despite your attempts at a honest, boring old life, you’ve gone and become a medium? so divination it was and he actually went ahead and at least attempted to learn how to tap into his abilities appropriately (since it was somewhat driving him crazy? and the use of a gemstone to help channel was Much needed) and the rest is somewhat history.

he’s a conspiracy nut, more snark than man, vampire habits (never enters without being invited, hates sunlight, hates garlic, hunches like dracula with terrible posture, and generally is suspected of being a bloodsucker — at least at work). ngl to you guys, he can be so unpleasant and assholeish, but in a 🍾 fun way sometimes lol. 

his numerous coping mechanisms are a running joke among anyone from colleagues and coworkers to friends to family; from coffee at midnight to bad jokes during serious moments, to smoking before quitting before smoking again, it’s hard to discern his intentions or true feelings

he works a lot of morbid cases, seeing as how his business card does in fact, have his divination plugged on the card. lots of lost and missing persons, and other sad things.

reluctant cat lover who not only owns one of his own, unofficially harbors strays through letting them in during rain storms, and feeding them any time he spots them roaming nearby (a very well kept secret)

let’s just say he does in fact have a lot of nightmares and the man is Tired of GHosts!!!

anyway he’s a good cool boy and i’d love any and all plots for him! here is his inspo board! and of course, the profile if anyone wants that! 

💞

[deception-examination-au]

Ok but would you make an exception with Alvin and The Chipmunks?

you could’ve just answered no to the first part about squeezing someone until they pop- this isn’t meant to be take seriously I’m sorry for making you mad ;-;

"The only exception i might make is for dragons and monsters."

"O-oh, it was a joke? That's a bit of a morbid joke..."

"You had me going there."

"It's alright! I can forgive something like that, no real harm done."

[asclepias0819]

ok sorry! last one i prommy. but anyway with the insulin stuff it’s really reinvigorated my attention towards diabetes and it’s social context. with people (generally right wing) there’s this belief that people using more healthcare services deserve to pay more but again that’s fucked and just ableist and taking away the right for disabled people to live well, but there’s also the “oh but if they are overweight or living poor lifestyles then they CHOSE that!!!” and that’s where diabetes as a whole tends to fall. it’s ridiculous bc by doing that you are changing this disease into something completely one dimensional and most of the time they don’t even bother to distinguish types (even though that doesn’t even matter either if you understand the multiple factors that go into the development of type 2). when you make diabetes care inaccessible, you make it hard for someone with a pancreas that is not functioning, you make it hard for someone who is genetically predisposed, and you make it hard for the people who you ignorantly assume “just aren’t trying to be healthy.” there is no plan of action that can weed out the people who don’t “deserve” healthcare bc that simply doesn’t exist. it’s a disease that is number 8 on causes of death nationally and has a whole bunch of other implications for morbidity as well that can and will result in impaired functioning of other organ systems. i’m tired of it being treated as a “haha diabetes” joke with foods of high sugar content or fat people bc all it does is further desensitize societal impressions of diabetes and contribute to this idea that it’s a choice rather than a complex chronic disorder. anyway to diabetics i’m sorry our systems have failed so monumentally and our society continues to minimize you. hopefully i’ll be able to contribute to changes in public health in this way that it will not be viewed with such disinformation and dehumanizing language. anyway thanks eli lilly for doing the bare minimum!!!!! i know of many people who have passed on as a result of high insulin costs and this provides hope that we can prevent additional deaths

[levmada]

Lev, I have been itching to request angst. I’m sorry ok 😭

We know how much Levi is afraid to lose the love of his life in canon world. So Levi break up with his fem s/o , to protect each other from the heartbreak of their death. However, Levi was unaware of her disease. Both of them were a mess after the breakup. Her disease were only known to Erwin and the medics of the Survey Corps. One day, his s/o fained her duties (you can add her duty for example cleaning the hallways). Hange came rushing to Levi about her, he rushed to the infirmary only to learn about her disease.

It’s on your hands, do as you wish.

HI san - thank you for your request (and letting me change some things lol) ! i had a ton of fun with this one, like the words came so easily

i expanded on the world of the Underground a bit + i have my own headcanons about it, so i feel the need to preface that the Underground has 11 distrcts - the lower ones (say 8-11) are much more impoverished / ridden with crime.

seeing how the area is v destitute, i made the way Levi (and everybody) speaks more sloppy/basic. i rly hope you like it :3 and that there are tears

btw, if i could title your request, it'd be 'Thicker than Thieves'

summary: Levi is horrified to lose you, which is precisely why he does so. Little does he know, you don’t have much time left.

content/warnings: terminal illness, (very) protective Levi, bit of a whump, Isabel is cute as always, takes place in the Underground, some tears, angst

wc: 3.5k

“I never want to see you again.”

The word leaves you like a ghost speaks it; between an endless breath that doesn’t quite reach the top of your lungs: “Fuck.”

A single curse isn’t nearly enough to tie up all your feelings in a bow with, but your mind escapes you. It’s all you can think of.

Not enough. It isn't the first time you weren’t enough, whether it be for something or someone—or you might as well think so. Levi left you with no explanation.

Like any other goddamn day, he dropped down from the cobbled bridge overhead—below which you still sit, unfeeling of the gravel digging into your backside, and the stone colored like stained shadows at your back—but he didn’t stay long.

If only he had the gall to tell you he never wants to see you again anywhere besides the place you shared your first kiss.

Plopping down in the muck and gravel and dirt was always asking too much whenever you met up, but he didn’t even lean against the stony wall. He told you, “I have something to tell you,” and then he told you and he wouldn’t answer a thing—and he left you.

Gone, just like that.

“What the fuck?” you hiss. You lurch forward and scrub your face with your scraped palms. They're left trembling and wet with sticky tears. “Fuck.”

What did I do? Was the big question, but only after it became clear he wasn’t joking; as clear as a stupidly clean knife’s edge, which cut just as deep. As ornery as your pride is, if there was a thing you did wrong, or something you said that rubbed him wrong, you would’ve apologized on the spot. That’s precisely what you did anyway: “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. If you’d just talk to me—”

The relationship you and he share (shared) was a flurry of confusing first times for the both of you. You must’ve did something, because if Levi got sick of you and that was it, he wouldn’t have strode away after like he was guilty of some heinous crime.

You can’t remember the last time you ever saw Levi smile—he usually has the emotional propensity of a brick wall—but things seemed good. Years of knowing him convinced you of that. Hell, you met him back when Kenny the Ripper was still around. As shy as he is, too, he buried his hand in your hair and on all accounts was very close to you; you were thicker than thieves.

Maybe it’s for the better, though. Maybe. That suspicion that sprouted in you months ago of being sick has all but grown into a tall, morbid weed.

You’re dying. He didn’t say so like he knew, but even if that’s the case you don’t think you could bring yourself to blame him.

A shred of dark feeling bubbles up in your throat in a manic sob. Then another, and another. At the very least, you wish he told you why.

Days pass, and Levi gets to wishing that he told you why.

The more time he devotes to replaying the whole event in his head, the more rancid the shame that licks at his insides. He owed you that much, but he doesn’t regret doing it, and he’d do it again.

There’s a reason Farlan and Isabel are the only people he considers his friends: they know him like a haunted mansion they don’t dare step into. Meanwhile, you took up residence there and made it a home. If you were forced to leave it—leave him—he would be wrecked.

You came to know him inside and out, and that was a major fucking issue, because he did too. He found refuge in you; that is, if he’s still going along making stupid analogies.

Against his will, Kenny’s lessons still find him every once in a while. He always warned him that if someone gets close enough to slice your throat, they would; on the off-chance they didn't, you’d be so busy protecting their own that a third party would come up and slit your throat for you.

He doesn’t believe a lot of the crap Kenny spewed about anything that didn’t involve fighting, because the guy was no good at it and he even knew that.

But one day, one stupid day when you both landed yourselves in some real trouble, he got to wondering what he’d do if you met some shitty end, and when his breath broke and his heart wobbled, he made a choice.

It’s not like he has his whole life ahead of him, anyway. No one Underground does.

He’s busied himself with numbers in the ledger, and even though Farlan shoots him these looks like he knows, he doesn’t say anything. Isabel has taken to sharpening his knives for him, and cleaning up around the hideout anytime she isn’t pestering them on when they get to use the ODM gear next—but still, she hasn’t said anything.

Levi thinks they both know. Word travels fast no matter how you slice it down here—the Underground is only so big—and they’re your friends, too.

Days and days, shittier and shittier. It’s not like he likes talking much in the first place, but the blind could see that there’s something off about the lines around his eyes, or the way he carries himself like something’s pushing on his shoulders.

Today’s the same, except he’s much quieter than usual because of a dream he had last night. It had your face in it somewhere. It’s not like him, but he wants to remember what this one was about, this time. He’s past the point of feeling pathetic.

One leg crossed over the other, he's running a felt cloth up and down a glinting blade. What Isabel says stops him dead, though; his hand, his thoughts, his blood.

“What’re you talkin’ about?”

Isabel pauses braiding her hair with the tie stretched between three fingers. Both of them are staring at him now, ever so often glancing uneasily between each other.

Levi admits: the question came out harsh even for him, but these two are definitely hiding something.

Farlan quirks his brow, flipping a coin over his fingers. “That leg disease,” he explains. “Summa the guys are callin’ it atrophy now, since it’s becomin' a lot more common—down here at least.”

“Sure.” But he doesn’t give a shit about that part. It’s what Isabel said—“Issa real shame…”—followed by your name. “What’s she got to do with it?”

Isabel visibly deflates. Her braid is left loose and messy from her neglect to tie it up, and the mere sight sours Levi’s mood further.

She’s not scared, though. He knows her, and for some reason, Levi is as scary to her as a teddy bear. She’s relieved.

“See?” She glares daggers at Farlan. “Told you bro’s not mean enough to do it cuzza that. Asshole.”

“Farlan,” Levi snarls.

The man himself looks helplessly between the two of them. What these two discuss in their private time is none of Levi’s business most times, it’s true, but while it has to do with you, that rule doesn’t apply. Maybe he has no right, especially now, but you’ve lived under his skin for too many years for him not to care; he can’t even pretend not to care.

And why wouldn’t you say anything?—The atrophy comes from the lack of sunlight, and it takes a good few months to really sink its claws in. It wouldn’t be like you to ignore something so serious, but he still cares, so even though he did what was best, and it was the best choice–

“Shit, ‘Vi, I don’t know,” Farlan scoffs. “‘Cause she wanted to be sure? ‘Cause she was worried how you might react? We figured you knew, since you went and–”

“What I do’s nunna your concern,” Levi cuts in, low and dangerous. “Tell me how long it’s been. When’d she tell you?”

He feels frozen in a block of ice, cold right down to the blood in his veins, but he’s on his feet. As he tucks his knife in his boot, Farlan begrudgingly informs him that you brought it up two months ago, give or take.

He pauses. He can’t tell whether he’s hurt or frenzied or pissed, but he only waits a moment before snatching his cloak off the hanging rack. With it hoisted over his shoulder, he thinks in a string of curses.

Two months alone is bad. It takes longer for some people, depending on whether they’ve seen the sun at all, what they eat, and a slew of other things. What matters the most is he knows for a fact that you were gutter-born, just like him. Already, the odds are stacked against you.

On the inside, he’s busy hating himself around a racing mind when Isabel prefaces that she wants to be helpful before launching into a story: how you had a bad fall not long ago. Rather, you fainted, and she and you were at a tavern deep in the 9th District so it gave her quite the scare–

“She still alive?”

Like a spry bobblehead, Isabel nods. “Last time I saw her was—” she counts on her fingers, “—couple days ‘go.”

“More specific.”

“Three.”

Good.

“I’ll look after things tonight,” Farlan states, like it’s already been decided.

In any other instance it would be, except going looking for you wouldn’t do a damn thing other than cause you more grief. He’s building a different plan in his mind. It’ll be longer than just the night.

Farlan looks incredulous. “A few days? What’s your plan, exactly?”

Levi decides he owes them at least a brief explanation. There’s some guys in the lower districts—garbage street-rat types—but they owe him, and the MP have their snake eyes set on that group in particular for a couple murders of some high-profile people. He can pull some strings and collect the cash rewards. Maybe some blackmail, too.

And for Levi to get done what he might just set out to, he needs to be on his own for this. Farlan spent his glory days in bigger gangs than Levi's, but he’s no killer, and Isabel is Isabel. It’s too dangerous, anyway.

Isabel would normally (immediately) argue against Levi going off on his own no matter what, but maybe there’s a dagger in the way he looks at them, or a dark shadow hanging around him; all she does is mope.

“Trust you, Levi,” Farlan mutters. He slips a deck of cards from his vest. It’s gonna be a long night. “Good luck.”

Isabel gives a small wave. “See you, bro..!”

“Yeah.”

A switchblade in his boot, his hood tucked over his forehead, Levi shuts the door behind him. If he can’t do a single thing right by you again, he can at least make it so you never see him anymore. Thing is, he doesn’t plan on dying in order to make that happen.

A few days later, Levi cringes around the sprain in his wrist, hefts his rucksack further over his shoulder, and shoves aside the board leading into the den you squat in (your fierce independence turned him down every time he offered you a permanent place to stay, but in your defense he only offered once); if you had to find a new place to stay, his friends would’ve said so.

He braces himself for the telltale stench of death, but finds only rotted wood and that same sweet hint of garbage the Underground carries everywhere.

You ought to be here, though. When the atrophy really starts setting in, you can’t get around much. Levi has seen plenty of sorry people slouched dead against this shack or that row of abandoned buildings on the side of the street. Once it finds you, it sinks its claws in.

You better be here.

It took him a week to get it all done—longer than the ‘few days’ he estimated—but it all worked out; or it will for you, anyway.

Your door has almost every hinge rusted into dust (Can’t believe I never fixed that for her), but he knocks anyway; in that special way so you know it’s him.

Nothing happens at first. Time croaks to a stop, and Levi holds his breath, but then your muffled voice finds him through the barrier.

“...Leave.” You sound weary. “I’m sick.”

“I know.”

A pause. “...Fine.”

He jimmies the handle, and limps inside.

“Shit, Lev’.” Your legs feel like barbed wire caked in molasses, but alarm forces you to your feet. “The hell happened to you?”

There’s a fat, ugly bruise on his cheek and a shoddy cast hugging one of his wrists. From what you can see of the thin button-up he has on, something happened to his torso, and it’s been bandaged. It’s the most pathetic you’ve ever seen him (which says something, considering just how long you've known him).

“Nothin’,” he grunts. “Why’re you standing? You’re sick.”

You scoff and carry yourself over to him. He clearly has no idea what to make of you, until you scoop his chin up with one finger to take a look at the bruise. He glares daggers, but doesn’t move.

“You are so full of shit.”

Your tone carries nothing, though, not even pity. Maybe it’s because he’s back after he was the one who never wanted to see your face again; could be, you’re exhausted; or it’s your legs and the fact that you’re dying.

He bats your hand away and trudges over to a rickety excuse for an old oak table. There’s a bag hefted on his back, which he drops down. Your frown deepens.

“And you’re limping?”

“Fell.”

You don’t believe him—in the broadest sense, you don’t believe him. For as long as you’ve known him, there’s never been a fight he hasn’t won; never been jumped, never laid in the street half-dead or high on junk.

If Levi is going to be vague—when it comes to troubles of his own, he always is—you’re not going to waste energy and likely run him off by pressing for answers. There must’ve been a ton of them, and they must’ve been smart; he must’ve worked alone, and halfway through, that contraption he uses to fly broke down. Only the worst-case scenario would’ve left him like this.

“What’d you bring?”

“Sit down,” he turns and leans against the table, “or not. You got a ride comin’ in a few minutes, but you don’t look like hot shit yourself.”

You’re pissed now. Though lead runs in your veins down there, you stubbornly copy him by crossing your arms. You demand to know just what the hell he means, what happened, what he brought, and whether he showed up to your door one more time just to spite you, or what—

Darkness eats at the edges of your vision, and you lose that train of thought. You’re just so tired. You seek help from the wall to stay standing, but you don’t even make it that far before an arm much stronger than your own loops around your waist.

Maybe he isn’t perfectly big in terms of men, but Levi drags you along perfectly fine on his own, all the while grumbling things you can’t hear—partly because you’re on the verge of some dark, dreamless sleep.

“Look, you’re gonna be fine,” he’s saying. You think so, but his voice is warbling in and out. You feel yourself touch down on a bench, located not too far from that rucksack he brought with him.

You shake your head, blinking hard to rid your vision of static. “What're you sayin’...?”

“Why’re you cryin’? I said you’re gonna be fine. I—” he sighs, “—I’m not good at these types of things. S’why I didn’t explain. I got you a hospital stay. It’s not Sina, but it’s the best I could do. They’ll fix your legs. You’ll be fine.”

The words come in a flurry. You wrench your eyes open and smear the wetness off your cheeks. “You did what?”

He kneels before you quite earnestly, one hand rubbing your knee, because it’s shaking, and won’t quit. While it’s damn-near impossible to tell when he’s joking most times, you don’t think that’s the case. His lips are pressed into a thin line, and his eyes are glossy.

He swallows. “The bag has extra shit in it you’ll need to survive. Don’t lose it, and don’t get it stolen.”

Rapidly, you shake your head. It’s shock, full-blown; you must look like a dunce. Your train of thought runs a bright white blank. “For me? Why?”

His lips twitch. “Dumbass question.”

Incredulously, you snort.

“Can’t you just thank me or somethin’?” The sarcasm is thick. “Do somethin’ besides shake your head like you’re gonna say no when it’s already been paid for.”

Reality hits you like a fat bullet. Your hand falls over his and you scoop up his chin again. Again, he doesn’t fight you, but this time you feel everything.

You need to know, “What about you? You and Izzy and Farlan deserve to get up there more than me. I can’t even come back if I get better,” you shake your head, “The stairs are too expensive.”

“I made a choice,” he murmurs, voice like gravel.

“Th-Then…”

Abruptly, he takes the hand you have propped beneath his chin (struggling not to wince) and plants it down. You hold each other’s hands. This is goodbye, or it must be, but he just can’t say it. You can’t say it, either.

He doesn’t look at you. “You got a chance to live now. I’ll be fine, and they’ll be fine ‘cause I’m looking after ‘em. Get better, find a job, but get the hell outta Sina, and—”

“Levi.”

“—a-and don’t ever come back here. Else it was a total waste of my fuckin’ time.”

You lean forward. “You’re this fucked up ’cause of me?”

He swallows hard, and squeezes your hand. “You deaf? I said I’ll be fine.” And he tries his damndest to mean that.

You squeeze back, as if you mean to break it. Gods, you’re fucking horrified. You’ve never loved a person more in your whole life. If you told him that now—if you even tried to pat him on the head and thank him—you wouldn’t be able to bear leaving. You’re paralyzed where you sit.

“Okay,” you whisper. Rapidly, you blink blurriness from your vision. This could be the last time you ever see him. Those words claw at your tongue. “You find a way out too.”

That’s a promise he can’t make. He looks away instead, but then his head shoots up.

“Carriage,” he tells you.

You hear it too. You swallow your tears. “Levi. I—Thank you. Thank you.”

Curtly, he nods. It’s easy to tell, he’s trying to be like a brick wall, but his eyes look like glass shards. He rises to his feet, and brings you along with him; arm tight around your waist, yours draped over his shoulders. He doesn't forget the rucksack.

Outside, the stagecoach opens the door for you. The interior doesn’t look too shabby. Whenever you’re ready, is what the man tells you, but you don’t think you ever will be.

Levi helps you inside.

“I’ll see you later,” you tell him, but it sounds more like a hiss and it feels more like you’re lying.

Once you’re situated in the seat, he nods again.

“Yeah.” His voice breaks. “See you.”

He knocks the door shut, the stagecoach snaps a whip, and the last you see of him is his retreating form when you wrench your face close to the glass and look back. That’s it, then. Just like that.

If you take a single moment to be in solitude with your thoughts—not at all unlike how you’ve spent the last week, save for that visit from Isabel—you’ll break. At your side is the rucksack, which you drag into your lap and start to root through. You wonder what he thought you needed.

There’s the necessities—some clothes, a hairbrush, toothpaste—and things only Levi would deem necessary: clean handkerchiefs, a tiny bottle of mouthwash, a lockpick, knife, nail file…

You smile, but for some reason the tightness in your throat grows tighter and burns like fire. In one of the side pockets, you find a rigid card—meaning it was expensive. You handle it like a fine feather.

Almost completely filling one side is a charcoal sketch. It’s shaded, and full of four portrait-style drawings of everyone—even yourself. Levi’s crossed arms, Isabel’s two thumbs up.

It’s familiar, somehow. You realize someone, likely Farlan, took that stupid doodle you made once and used it as a guide. It’s incredible.

Your fingers shake as you turn it over. Nine words, two little sentences. It’s Levi’s small, janky handwriting.

I had Farlan draw this for you. Be safe.

What did he say back then?: “The bag has extra shit in it you’ll need to survive.”

You choke on a sob, and finally, tears spill down your cheeks. Even if you never see those three again, at least you have this, and you’ll do your damndest to make Levi’s sacrifice worth it.

You have to. You must.

| levi masterlist | main masterlist |

[thefanficmonster]

Bumpy Road

Corpse Husband x Reader (Gender Neutral)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Depression and Relationship struggles as well as Health Problems

Genre: Mild Angst, Romance, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: On a live podcast discussing his rise to fame and how its affected his personal life, Corpse stumbles over the topic of his romantic relationships, more specifically his relationship with Y/N.

Requested by Anon. Hello dear! Thank you so much for your wonderful request and so sorry you’ve had to wait for it to be posted so long. However, here it finally is and I hope you come across it and read it an if you do I hope you enjoy it! Love, Vy ❤

“Right, ok we’re officially live!“ Exclaims Anthony as he waves to one of the cameras - the one turned to him - and leans closer to the mic placed on the table in front of him. “Hello everyone, thanks for tuning in today. I’m here with the internet sensation and mystery known as Corpse Husband.“ He turns away from the camera to look across the table at his guest, “Corpse, I hope you know how much effort is being put into editing that sticker over your face for the duration of this whole podcast.“

Corpse, whose face is hidden by a sticker of his avatar, chuckles, “So you’re insinuating that I should probably not move so much.”

“Exactly.“ Anthony laughs, “My guy would be very grateful for that curtesy. Yeah, I have an actual person who I assigned to move around the sticker so there goes an extra paycheck.“

“In that case I promise to give you worthy content. A lot of never previously heard scoop.“ Corpse says, mocking the very words he uses, laughing about them afterwards, “Ask away, man.“

Anthony briefly looks down at a printed sheet of paper before pushing it to the side with a slight furrow of his brows, “You know, these are all cookie-cutter questions you’ve probably been asked many times before. So, I think it’s for the best I ask you something no one has had you talk about. Or something I hope no one has had you talk about yet. If you feel uncomfortable with any question just say so and we’ll skip it right away.“

The sticker moves up and down to mask Corpse’s face as he nods, “Got it.”

“Ok um...“ Anthony falls in thought for a moment, thinking of a question, “The first thing off the top of my head, um, what part of the dark side of fame have you had the displeasure of experiencing?“

Corpse lets out a laugh dangerously close to a scoff, “Almost all if not totally all of it really. There’s such a big chunk of privacy being taken away from you on social media. I got to that point where I felt so naked and seen I felt I was losing myself as my fandom grew. I know it’s many YouTubers’ dream to blow up and have a ton of fans and followers but I never wanted that. Don’t get me wrong, I love each and every one of my fans, I just never expected to accumulate so many of them. I’m such a private person, it was so anxiety inducing in the beginning but I sort of learned how to cope with it, you know? Sometimes, in order to stop people from reaching into my real privacy, I created a fake one that I’d feed into and let them enjoy.”

Anthony’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise, “Wow, how do we know what’s real about you anymore, huh?” It was said more as a joke but he truly meant it. If a person can fake a whole reality for people not to touch into their real one, Lord knows what else they can do.

Corpse huffs, “I’ll give you a hint: If it seems pretty, pink, peach and perfect it’s fake.“ The sticker may be hiding his face from the viewers but it’s most definitely not doing anything to shield the change in expression that occurs on his face from Anthony who’s sitting right across from him and notices the shift right away but before he could question it, Corpse prods on, “Y/N, my partner, can tell you just as much. They know better than anyone what’s the difference between what people know and what the reality is. They know that our relationship isn’t the sunny skies we put on display for our fans. I have my mental and physical health issues, my trust issues and paranoia play a big role in the ‘rains’ in our day-to-day life but they understand it’s all a part of me and a part I can’t control. It actually controls me sometimes and it’s so fucking annoying. But they understand. And while we pretend it’s perfect even though it isn’t, we find our happiness wherever and whenever we can. When it rains so often, you might as well look for a little hint of sunlight. That sunlight can create a rainbow after all. Believe me when I say, that rainbow is the most beautiful thing, makes you forget about the storm that just took place or might even be still raging all around.“ He sighs, preparing to bring his outpour of honesty to a close, “It may be a bumpy road 98% of the time even though on social media we pretend it’s the complete opposite, but that 2% of honest happiness we get from the tiniest of things are more meaningful than I could describe to you with words.“

And he’s more than right, words are often not enough. But the ones he used to describe what he just did were perfectly enough to bring one particular viewer to tears. That particular viewer who knows exactly what he was talking about. Because they are his other half and they’re going through it the same as he is. They’ve gone down that bumpy road side by side with him, ignoring the pain and turmoil while focusing their gaze on the rainbow above. That analogy was theirs from the very start after all. They both knew Y/N is the better one at finding the deeper meaning in everything even when there was nothing to be found.

They always found something. And Corpse will always cherish that trait as one of their best - always finding something to keep them both afloat.

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[sunflowerdaisybee]

Hello Author! Anarchy, here! Again congrats on 400 followers! Ok, cc! platonic bench trio w/ M! feminine streamer (invited to SMP) reader w/ Alexithymia {Short explanation and simple; {in my opinion} personality disorder is where a person has trouble expressing/showing emotion} That speaks in a monotone voice and they have a hard time telling if reader is joking or serious. Reader's SMP character is a doll demon made by Dream XD and is figuring out human emotion. Little more right after this.

Ah I love the idea of this, very cool! You didn’t really say anything for like a story or anything so I just sorta winged it, I hope you still like it <3

Summary: A typical lore stream

Pairing: P!Bench Trio X Reader

Pronouns: He/him

[A/n]: Requests are closed, please check back later <3

“Hello, welcome to the stream. Today we’re gonna be doing a lore stream with the bench trio, I’m very excited.” You gave chat your usual greeting, and although your words and face held no perceivable emotion, everyone could tell you were indeed excited.

Your stream was all set up and your face came on, displaying your more feminine clothing choice. Despite being a male you still wore feminine clothes, not that anyone minded.

Your character on the smp was often seen luring around one, or several, of the three boys as you were most fond of them. The character you played was a demon-type doll made by Dream XD, and due to being a doll, you had to learn human emotions and behaviors. This also allowed you to use your personality disorder to better portray your character.

“Humans are such fragile beings, acting so cowardly when faced with things they fear.”

“That’s because they’re afraid of them, even you should be able to understand that.”

“What do you fear Tommy?”

“Nothing you need to know about. Now let’s go, Tubbo and Ranboo are waiting for us.” You followed behind Tommy as he walked, leading you to where the other two were waiting.

“Those two are strange, and their child is stranger.”

“That’s rude.”

“Is it? I apologize.” Finally meeting up with the two you all set off, you weren’t sure what exactly they had planned. Though it was soon revealed as they trudged into a dark cave, lighting torches and lanterns for light.

“What are we doing down here?”

“Looking for a warden, I heard there was one down here and I want to kill it to prove how strong I am.”

“You’re gonna die.”

“That’s really morbid.”

“It was a joke.”

“Oh.” You pulled out a notebook, taking note of their reaction to your ‘joke.’ It really was meant to be a joke but with your lack of emotion, it was hard to tell.

“There it is boys.” Tommy smiled as the creature came into view, taking out a night vision potion as the lights started flickering out.

“Here take this.” Tommy handed you a potion as Tubbo and Ranboo downed theirs.

“Alright, I’m going in.” Tommy didn’t even last a minute as he was sent flying back towards all of you. He had severely underestimated the power that a warden has, despite their blindness.

“You’re bleeding.”

“I can see that.” You watched as Tommy struggled to sit up, Tubbo and ranboo having to help him due to the pain. You wrote down his reaction to pain, wincing as the other two tried to help bandage all bleeding spots.

“It would be better if you died.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“He has a lot of severe injuries, they will take a long time to heal. He would be better off is he died.”

“That counts as making a threat (Y/n).”

“Sorry.”

Taglist: @joyfullymulti @rokkyy @minty-ghast @l0ver0fj0y

[mayaree-darling]

I have a query for you, If say, in the same universe as annoying brat, the reader was afab, would that mean that Sukuna would have to also experience the hell that is period cramps/pains/experience? Because like maybe I just have a morbid imagination but that could be hilarious

bRO I HAVE BEEN CRYING AT YOUR ASK FOR THE PAST FEW HOURS SINCE I GOT IT AND NOW THAT I’M HOME I CAN ANSWER IT PROPERLY HAHA

AAAAAHHHHH OMFG OK OK THIS TURNED INTO A FUCKING HEADCANON POST SORRY NOT SORRY

So in a logical and serious standpoint, I don’t think so. He’s currently a soul, a cursed spirit in actuality, and very much not human. He probably wouldn’t even understand it if you took the time of day to explain, or he just refuses to listen because why the fuck would he need to know that shit.

Maybe he’d be able to feel you were in pain and read your thoughts on how much shit you were going through, but that’s just fodder for him to fuck with you like never before. Feeling more emotional during your time of the month? Sukuna is fucking there to laugh at your tears when he mocks the living shit out of you. He’s also there to bitch on you if you get riled up easily.

“I knew women were weak but you take it to a whole ‘nother level, brat. Or is it just you? A little blood and you’re already paralyzed?” (Shut the fuck up, Sukuna, menstrual cramps are not a fucking joke)

He probably gets bored of teasing you after 2 two months or something and it just annoys him that you’re complaining and groaning all the time. You’re stuck in bed all day and you can’t even provide him decent entertainment while you’re in pain. He’ll try to convince you that switching with him will make the pain go away since, y’know, he basically shifts into a male body and he doesn’t have to worry about something he doesn’t have.

“I’m trying to be nice, brat, and you’re not even considering it?” “Better my blood than other people’s, you fuck. So shush. You’re too loud.” “I hope your pain lasts a day more than usual.” “Fuck you, too, Sukuna.”

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND. IF HE CAN FEEL IT.

So his tolerance to pain is hella high since the guy is used to fighting and blood and wounds are a norm.

But wtf do you even do to a woundless pain? Like how tf do you deal with that shit in any other circumstance?

The first time it happens he thinks you got cursed or some shit, and he rolls his eyes like “how tf can you get cursed twice in a row, you fucking brat, that shit’s just unlucky” but then he watches you go about your day like fucking nothing (at least, do your thing the best you can when you feel like you’re dying) and he’s??? mad??? because??? you share a body with someone else, bitch, so why the hell ain’t you taking care of it??? you’re living for two people right now so fucking act like it???

He fucking feels it, not to the extent maybe that renders him incapable of moving, but it’s uncomfortable as all fuck. He can’t even heal himself/you because??? It’s not a legit wound??? It’s not a missing limb??? So??? What the fuck is it???

“Brat. Oi. Don’t you have something to tell me.” “I don’t know, Sukuna. Can you be more specific? I don’t want to think right now.” “That pain. Whatever the fuck it is. What’s going on. Did you really get yourself cursed again?” “You could call it a curse. It’s just menstrual cramps, Sukuna.” “... What the fuck is that?”

When you eventually explain it to him, he’s fucking horrified. Not because he found the idea disgusting - he actually found it funny that humans suffered in the weirdest ways - but it’s the idea that he had to experience this. 

Him, Sukuna the King of Curses, was fucking experiencing second-hand menstrual cramps because his vessel had different organs. 

How fucking unlucky can he get, really.

He tries to persuade you into letting him “fix” your body, but of course you’re like fuck that, bro, it may be pretty shitty but it’s still my body

“Brat, switch with me. Right now.” “What? No, why would I-” “If we switch maybe we won’t feel it.” “Sukuna, if you can feel it as a soul, don’t you think you’ll still feel it if we shift? It’s still my body.” “God fucking damn it, woman, why do you have to make sense in the worst of times.”

Funnily enough, he mellows out. Like, sure it doesn’t hurt him as much as it hurts you, but he just becomes impossibly lazy. It’s your body, and since you can’t move and every cell in your body is legit screaming for you to just stop whatever the fuck you’re doing and sleep it off, he sort of just gets weirdly sleepy. 

Getting your period is like a double-edged sword now because sure it hurts like a fucking lot but Sukuna is slightly more pleasant and less bloodthirsty.

He feels slightly more respectful to you. Just the tiniest bit, ever since he found out that it was a monthly thing for years now and subjecting yourself to this shit deserved some level of praise. But he won’t tell you that. 

He’s still angry every time your period hits because why the fuck did you have to drag him into that kinda shit. He mostly tries to take his anger out on you after your period passes because he may have felt drugged out the whole time but he remembers the injustice of it all.

Anyways, thank you for the idea. It made me happy the whole day.

[theaveragetinker]

Stoic Journaling For The Modern Individual

Preconditions For This Article - Journaling is a helpful tool that can be use to unwind, give time to process the day, practice gratitude and find solutions for the problems faced.

 All of what I’m going to share with you was first introduced to me from A Guide To The Good Life written by William B. Irvine. This is my favourite book. I stumbled on Stoicism by luck, I was watching something from the intriguing illusionist Derren Brown.

He spoke about finding some articles on Stoicism and wanted to research it more. He then decided to write his own book on Stoicism and I bought it. However the joy was short lived until I discovered AGTTGL. Sorry Derren. Gripping, intriguing, simple and practicable. I urge you to get a copy.

 I have never read anything more compelling and honest through it’s simplicity. When I finished the book and went through the psychological techniques and the call by Sir Irvine to practice these techniques that’s why I formed my journalling process. The rest of this article will list it all out and explain why.

1. What’s Bothering Me? - The easiest to explain. Simple write down what’s been on your mind today, write as much as you want. Write the good and the bad, be vague, be detailed but just write. End of, needs nothing more to say about it.

2. How Could Things Be Worse? - Look at your life and imagine what could be far worse. The point of this is to put our worries into perspective and when we imagine how much more our lives could be, it makes our current worries seem not as bad as we might be making them out to be.

3. Fatalism - This is the act of understanding that the present and the past are gone. We can’t change them but we can learn from them. Why I love doing this at the end of the day is because I can always take a big breath in and out afterwards, knowing that for better or worse that day is DONE.! Now what can I learn from this that’s helpful for the future? 

4. Lowering my expectations - When things don’t go my way (which can be quiet often), my initial thought currently is that I didn’t lower my expectations enough. When I go and do certain work that I intensely hate, lowering my expectations has helped me. 

 I pre-determine that my colleagues are going be the biggest *&&”£$%:@~}<?><><?>{ and so on and so forth, the day will either overwork me and leave me feeling defeated and stressed or leave me feeling overwhelmingly bored and feel like reading the length and breath of a bible, the customers will be the biggest  *&&”£$%:@~}<?><><?>{ and so on and so forth, I won’t have any good conversations and there’ll be no joking. 

 To my surprise it usually isn’t that bad, I actually have some ok conversations and jokes, the day moves at a reasonable pace with one or two parts that were slow and the customers and colleagues are ok with the one bad apple in the bunch. But also when those days that I pre-determine happen (and they do) I’m not as thrown off my course because I already expected it to happen. Like the bad weather we’ve been told is coming , we should also tell ourselves the bad things that will come and if they do no biggie, we just get on with it and if they don’t happen, it’s a win for us.

5. Obstacles - This is my newest addition to my journaling and the most practicable. Write down the obstacles you’re facing and see if you can find solutions to overcome them. NEXT!

6. Negative Visualisation - This one is broken down into three categories my death, my loved ones and my possessions. Let me explain. Sounds morbid on the surface and it is but with a purpose. 

 By engaging in the passing of your own life, your loved ones or the lost of your possessions puts you into a mindset of gratitude. When I started doing this particular for my own death it brought my thoughts into sharp focus reminding me that I won’t always be here.

 It seems to bring me to certain questions. Was today a good day? Do I want to keep doing this? What can I do to change things? I have found healing in realising my own impermanence and you might too.

With my loved ones it’s the same, some people seem to just pop into my head and I just want to say thank, feel grateful and pray that I’m so blessed to have these people in my life and realising their impermanence as well makes me engage with them more because I realise my time with them is limited.

Finally with my possessions I imagine that I don’t have them anymore and it’s surprising how it’s just a consistent few things that keep coming up that bring me immense joy and make my life easier. I’ve realised that I don’t need as much as I think I do in life.

7.Trichotomy of control - The Stoics believed you had two things you had control over your thoughts and your actions, everything else you have no control over, so stop worrying about them or trying to control them. 

 I consider it partial control because you can’t control every thought or action, but the ones you can you should exercise autonomy over and Sir Irvine goes to add the third which is some control. These are the goals you set in your life, they should only be goals of which you have control over so that you can actually attain them.

As always I really hope this helps, it sure has for me,

The Average Tinker.

[jamiedc-they-them]

Legacies and the people behind them (Platonic)

Requested Imagine: A trip to the future brings Daisy into the face of her future.

You liked the bar. Despite having never been in one, it was an escape. And, being friends with Deke meant you could spend as long as you wanted in it. That, for you, was all the time you could when not working and surviving.

This, though, this was living.

“Enjoying yourself?” Your friend asked, coming in and sitting next to you, ordering himself a drink.

You rose your eyebrows, letting out a scoff as you did so, “As much as I can, D. As much as I can.” You answered, taking a sip of your whisky. It was strong. It did the job it needed to.

“Was wondering where you went off to.” He admitted.

“Yeah, well. People talk, D. People talk and I don’t like it when they do. I mean,” You gestured around the area you were in, “You got this as your legacy, as your offering to what we have left of the world. Meanwhile I’m stuck with the fucker who broke it.” You vented, getting up and drunkly walking around the faux bar. You had a nice view of the broken earth though.

A view of your legacy to live up to.

“Hey,” He said, drawing your attention to him, “Nanna and Bobo were great, really. But, I’m living my life and remembering them. You have your life too, Y/N. You can’t just live someone else’s. What she did – well, it does matter as it’s what brought us here; but, that’s not you.” He comforted, walking over and handing you the drink you were having.

He then sighed, “Listen, I need to go great some new friends. So, I’ll be back, ok?” He said. You just nodded, staring into the void of space and the shattered planet.

 When Deke returned, you were passed out, head rolled back on the chair and light snores leaving you. He smiled a bit at it, at least you were resting.

“Where is it? Did you throw out the old papers?” Deke asked Rick, the bartender.

“Yeah, it was a mess.”

“Stop doing that. You’re always cleaning.” Deke complained, opening up the paper.

“Yeah, you programmed me to.” That one got to Deke.

“Really? Because I don’t remember programming you to talk back to me,” Rick tilted his head, “It was a joke, because I – I did program you to talk…Just, will you find the papers, please?” As Rick left to do so, Deke greeted the new comer, “Might as well pull up a stool and have a beer.”

Daisy scoffed, “Clearly, you’re a talented pusher, but I will pass, thanks.” She said, going up to him but not pulling up a stool.

“It’s probably for the best because I have no idea what actual beer tasted like. Well, my friend over there seems to have a grasp on it, but…” He drifted off, knocking his head in your direction.

Daisy followed it, “Who are they?”

“Y/N. Got the weight of the world on their shoulders if you ask me,” He scoffed in laughter and shook his head, “Classic.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Daisy pushed.

“It’s an inside joke we’ve got. Doesn’t matter. They only get it when they’re in one of their good moods. But, good kid, still.” He said.

“Want to tell me where I am?” Daisy seemed to not be stopping with the questions.

“You’re passed out at my place of business. You got too close to my transmitters when you were stalking me. You remind me of Y/N in that regard.” He explained.

“So, this is your racket? You’re – you’re pimping out the framework?” That got Deke’s attention.

“I never called it that, but yeah. That’s the technology the hardware is based on,” He then folded up the news paper, “I—I had to rebuild the software from scratch because Kasius had the historical archives erased. But I was able to get my hands on the servers. I gathered bits of date here and there, and…the rest is guesswork.” Deke said. They heard a chair scrap, it was you nearly falling off the chair but you caught yourself.

“But your customers don’t know the difference. You’ve got ‘em addicted to Earth-as-it-was scenarios.” Daisy argued.

“Among other simulations, yes.”

“So, this is the business that you’re protecting? Your creepy opium den of fantasy?”

“Well, I can’t get real opium, so…I’m selling escape. The other way out of here is the final exit.” Deke started to get up.

“They’re trading one prison for another.”

Deke rose his eyebrows, “You think the lighthouse is a prison? Sweetheart…prison would be nice.”

 You tried to ignore the conversation going on. You wanted to anyway, you were drunk and would probably have a killer hangover. So, you did what you could to block it out.

“The Kree have her. You can’t help her. To try is too dangerous.” Deke argued.

“You said the same thing about Mack and Yo-Yo. How’d that turn out?” Daisy challenged.

“A catastrophe! This entire place is a very delicate ecosystem, and you all just keep taking a leak in the water left and right!”

“You’re worried we’ll mess this up or we’ll mess this up for you? I mean, do the Kree even know about this operation? Because –”

“Of course they know about it. They’re crazy about it, because I’m – I’m improving people’s lives. I’m giving them something other than just hour after hour of endless grind.” Deke said, walking away for a moment and seeing you again looking at the wall where the view had been.

“They condone it because it keeps them placid. I have seen the framework in action before. Pretend that wishes are coming true so the real hope dies.”

“Hope only gets you killed,” Daisy looked to you as you finally spoke, “At least here you can be something other than a slave.”

“You’re making them forget reality, so they don’t try –” They started speaking over each other at this point. About whether or not waves should be made or if the reality your friend had built was bad.

“No, the boat sank! Do you understand that? We are a breath away from extinction. We make one wrong move, and in a blink, mankind is gone for good,” The TV then came on about a SHIELD agent; Daisy Johnson.

“Deke –” You said, going to grab the remote when Deke grabbed it first.

“Wait – wait. That’s it. That’s what I’m looking for. That!” You looked from the screen to her as well. Your eyes wide.

“Holy shit.” You breathed out, backing away from your grandmother.

“Y/N…” Deke wasn’t even sure on what to say.

“Thanks Deke. But – I uh….I have to – to go.” You said, starting to walk off.

 Your heart was thumping in your ears, your breath picking up.

Holy shit, she was here. The woman that caused this was here.

“Y/N. Y/N, hey.” Deke said, running up to you in worry as you leaned against the wall, hands on your knees.

“Deke….” You couldn’t fully say it.

“I know. I know. Is it – is it bad?” He asked. You nodded.

“Ok, alright. Dammit. We – we need something to –” At that moment, Daisy walked back into your room. She shut the door to try and give you guys some privacy.

“What’s wrong with them?” Daisy asked, a little on edge.

“I’m sorry about this.” Deke meant those words.

“What?” Daisy wasn’t even prepared as a small blast knocked her back into the wall. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.

She blinked, coughing at the impact. Then, it finally hit her on what had hit her.

She saw your hand in a pose she had done so many times.

You lowered it, having a better feeling now.  

Daisy couldn’t speak, so you did it for her, “You’re not meant to be here. You are meant to be back there…I’ll get you back; you and your friends. It’ll do some good. Maybe I can where you didn’t.”

Deke looked between you both, knowing how complicated this would be.

“Oh boy.” He sighed.

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Deke leant on one side, you on another. You both kept an eye out or any threats to deal with as Daisy went to look for her family.

“So, this is weird.” Deke said, trying to pass the time and check in on you.

You nodded, “Sure is,” You then looked to him with a smile, “Tess will not believe this.”

He chuckled, “Flint might, though.”

You nodded, thinking about the little rascal.

Daisy then appeared, quickly walking and with no one else in sight, “Where are they? We were supposed to meet up at the Exchange. Something’s wrong.” She said as you both started to follow her.

“Or maybe they finally took my advice to evaporate into this place.” You hit Deke on the arm.

“Deke.” You hissed.

“They were looking for a way to find Simmons. I got to track them down.” Daisy said.

“Grandaunt Jemma?” You asked, unable to hide a hint of excitement at it.

Daisy looked to you for a moment, “Yeah, her.” She answered, still in a rush to save said woman.

“So you said,” Deke grabbed Daisy and stopped her in her tracks, “Don’t you think you’re kind of deflecting from what I told you about…and what you’ve just found out…” He mimicked an explosion before pointing to you.

“I’m not deflecting because I didn’t do it.” She continued to walk.

“It wasn’t me who did it. That only leaves you. Now, I get that this is a lot and –”

“Yeah, that’s what deflecting is.” Deke and you spoke over each other.

“How could I split the world apart? My powers aren’t that strong. I’m not that strong.” You were keeping your voices low.

“Maybe not yet, but you will be.” Deke warned.

“And how do you know that?” Daisy questioned.

“Because planet earth went from smooth to chunky, and Quake is the one who did it.”

“And you don’t think I’d remember that?”

“No, I think it took you out too.” It was morbid, but you were probably right.

“Well, not according to the multiverse theory,” Daisy stopped, and Eke thought that meant to further explain, “You probably haven’t heard of it, but in quantum physics, there’s a theory that, for every universe, there are infinite parallel universes. So in my universe, you destroyed the planet. Maybe that just happened in –” Daisy slapped him before he could continue.

“So what universe did that just happen in? Mine or yours?” Daisy heard your snicker as she then looked to you, “You get any of that?”

You shook your head as you tried to hide your smile, “ He’s tried many-a-time to explain it. Still goes through one ear and out another.” Daisy nodded, but she was glad that she wasn’t alone in that.

Deke and you spotted something, a man bandaging himself.

Deke went off, leaving you and Daisy behind. She looked at you, and definitely saw the similarities between you both; the look in your eyes, the way you did your hair even if a shorter length, the way you stood tough but had a vulnerability in your eyes.

Yeah, you were a Johnson alright.

Deke returned, “Talk to me.”

“There’s been a Renewal.” He said.

“Shit.” You cursed.

“A what?” Daisy asked, looking between you both.

“Three people are dead.” Now it was Daisy’s turn to – silently – curse and worry, “Just hold your freak-out. It wasn’t your friends, ok? They’re probably just hiding, which is what I advised them to do from the get go.” Daisy stopped him rambling.

“Ok, ok. So where would they be hiding?”

“I don’t know, they’re your friends.” Deke pointed out.

“And this is your guys’ home, where you know everyone and everything that’s in here.” Daisy countered with.  

Deke looked at you as he sighed, “One of the vacancies came from Grill’s salvage. That means there’s an opening. He might take in strays. I’d start there.”

“You got all that from the shoe guy?”

“Well, shoe guy knows all.”

“Guess I should’ve asked him in the first place.” Daisy started to leave to try find the others. And you followed, “What are you doing?” She asked, seeing your progression towards her.

“Showing you the way.” Was all you said, doing just that.

 “How’s this possible?” Daisy asked as you led her the way.

“How’s what possible? You being here or me existing?” You asked, checking your six.

“Both.” She said.

“I never met you, because of….you know. In terms of how am I here? No idea. I never met my parents, I could only go off of what people told me about you. Most negative with…you know. But, Deke showed me some news reels of you. You just… You seemed like a good person. I try to be that as much as I can be.” You said, not wanting to go into some of the things you had to do to survive.

“I’m sorry.” She said, allowing her tough exterior to melt for a moment; she’d been there before – well, not everything that had been mentioned, but in the broad strokes.

“It’s not your fault. You were trying to do some good, and it backfired,” You stopped, putting a hand up to stop her as well, “Besides, you’re here now, maybe if I can get you out, we can make it right.”

She saw a light in your eyes, one that she still got even now – but when she used to have a lot more when she younger.

Despite herself, she smiled at it.

Deke tried one more time to stop you both, but Daisy quaked him back. It was a lot more controlled than yours. Still, she pulled you into the elevator.

She was loyal to her friends, and she knew you were too. So, she offered you that chance to come, and you took it.

You entered what Daisy described as a “Weed farm.”

“Stay close, blend in.” She said. You both made your way through, pretending to check on the plants whenever someone was about to clock you both.

You made to the elevator, but Daisy heard footsteps coming before you did. She got onto the ceiling, “Here.” She said, offering you a hand. She made room for you to stay up there with her as well.

You felt yourself start to slip; and just as Daisy went to help, you managed to save yourself. You missed it, but she looked a bit proud at it.

She dropped down first, taking care of the Kree. There was one left, and you dropped down, punching him and grabbing his rifle, spinning him where Daisy finished him off.

“Good job.”

 You made it down, and you were going to save your Grandaunt, when two glass doors appeared, and gas entered the room. You both couldn’t help but cough at it. You fell first, then Daisy. Looking up, you both saw Deke.

He’d sold you out.

You knew what that meant. You were going to be sold off to fight.

Deke had once told you his grandparents and parents were good people. Seemed his shattered that legacy.

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Before you woke, you felt someone shaking you, calling your name. It continued. Whoever it was, they were persistent. You saw the earth in your dream, itself in it’s prime. You saw Daisy being heralded as a hero.

Then you saw the earth shatter.

You opened your eyes with a gasp, and found yourself strapped to a chair. Daisy, however, let out a breath of relief.

“Well, seems you both have been acquainted. Two Johnson’s both as my prisoner. How…exquisite.” Kasius mused as he circled you both.

Daisy got the madman to not look at you and instead put his attention on her. For her, though, it was torturous, to have a man threaten her sister plainly in front of all in the room. She knew she would not break, but she knew that for Jemma or anyone in her family she’d do anything.

Her eyes flickered to you; and she saw someone trying to stay strong for sake of a fucking name, but someone who was scared deep down. She knew you were part of that family now.

So, you were both meant to fight, together it seemed. So, she knew what she had to do.

Keep you alive and get you out too.

She saw how you constantly tried to get a grip on the Quake ability, only or it to blow up and cause you pain. She saw how it was what you relied on. She saw how you could fight, but not for very long without that ability.

She got why, it was something that could help.

More than that, it was her knowing you as you. Not as a Johnson, but as a person.

She met Ben, another Inhuman, and the two watched you get launched again to the floor after not controlling your ability. She was sure you were going to get an Inhibitor chip soon, same as she had one.

There went your advantage.

“What’s their story?” Ben asked.

“That’s Y/N…my granddaughter,” Ben just took it in stride, “They seem to get the best and worst bits from me.”

“Any idea who the other half is?” Ben asked.

Daisy shook her head, “No idea. From who I’ve been with, they always seem to leave, die, or turn out to be a major asshole.”

Ben nodded, “And you don’t want that for them?” He asked, then she looked to him, “Telepathic, remember?”

“…Right. That.” She excused herself when she heard you cry out and saw the chip on your neck.

She put a hand on your shoulder as you blinked and tried to repress the pain, “Sucks, yeah?” She said, hoping the levity would help distract you from it.

You rolled your neck a bit as you blinked more, “Oh yeah. I’d say I’ve had worse, but that’d be a lie.” She couldn’t help the scoff of laughter that let her at your words. She was sure they were true. But, that had always been her way, laugh through pain and uncomfortable situations.

This definitely was one of those.

You were all lined up, seeing the people who would soon buy you all talking about it as if it was casual.

Then again, it was to them.

Well, all but one. One that you saw and couldn’t help your eyes widening when you saw him.

“Is that –” Daisy knew what you were going to ask.

“Your granduncle Fitz…” She seemed to not believe it herself. You saw how it hit her; having her brother figure. He was a live, and he was here.

Then it was time for the fight. Now, she had no idea how you were in a fight. But, if she had to guess, scrappy. Just like she was.

Now, it was focused, filled with flips and what not. Still, she saw you try and hide your fear.

It hit her then just how well she had been trained to do that. How much she’d almost become May in this instance; how the woman who was like a robot was now how Daisy was becoming emotionally.

“Hey,” You looked to her, “We got this. We’ll get my friends out, we’ll be ok.” She didn’t fully believe those words, but she saw how you let out a breath and gave her a thankful look; a moment of vulnerability for you.

Then, you both entered the ring. A double match, two combatants.

Shit.

As said before, Daisy could fight well. But, you knew that your Granduncle and Grandaunt were watching. You knew they were worried. You knew that it was all on the line. You had no powers, and you could barely fight with any finesse.

Not like Daisy was doing much better, being flung around the room. Still, she was doing better than you.

You hit the wall for like the umpteenth time. You had your powers, seeing Daisy lift herself up. You went to use yours, but your opponent grabbed your arm and aimed it at the floor. Your power still went off, and you went up in the air at can awkward angle. However, the guy still held your other arm, and used that momentum to slam you on the ground.

Your breath had left you, and you were sure this was it. But then you heard a pistol go off, and more voices.

You felt someone pick you up, and you were going in and out of consciousness.

When you fully came back, you felt a pair of fingers going through your hair. Your eyes opened, and you saw Daisy looking at you. She smiled when she saw you were still with them.

“Hey.” She said, in a soft tone of voice.

“Hey.” You said, before you groaned and slowly sat up, rubbing the back of your head.

“Yeah, we’ll have Simmons look at that when we get out of here.” Daisy promised, “You did good.”

“I got my ass kicked even with my powers.” You argued.

“Doesn’t matter. You put up a fight and had your own style to it. Besides, so did I.”

She admitted it. Holy shit, you did not expect that. You did not expect the great Daisy Johnson to lose in a fight; you didn’t expect the great Daisy Johnson to admit it.

And yet, she had; to you.

She was just human – well, Inhuman. But, she was still the same as you.

“Fitzsimmons still with us?” Daisy nodded, nudging her head back.

You looked back; you were in one of the rooms they would give those more prosperous, but you saw the pair embracing one another. They pulled away and looked at you; both giving you a smile.

“You must be Y/N. I’m Jemma.” She said, going over and shaking your hand. Next was Fitz.

“Sorry --- I…just a little starstruck is all.” You let out a nervous giggle at your words.

Jemma’s smile turned understanding, “Yes, I’m sure this is a little disorientating. But, once we get to a safter place, I’m sure we can have a lot of time to get to know you?” She saw how you looked elated at the idea. How a childlike side to you opened all of a sudden.

You nodded, eagerly, “Yeah – yeah, that’d be great.” You said, bright smile on your face. You then addressed the whole room, “I can get us out. I know this place. I know shortcuts and what not.”

The three shared a look, and then looked back at you, and nodded.

You gave a nod that held more confidence to it. You were going to help your family out of this.

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Daisy was back on her feet, and she saw how there was a spark in you now as you led them through the hallways and into a room with a view of a ship Fitz had been brought in. For a moment, you were at ease, you could get out.

That ship was then blown up right in front of your eyes. Well, shit.

Still, you had places to go.

You led them to a life support room, with some pipes along the ceiling that Daisy and Jemma found had a diverse range of hot and cold.

You found a hatch that you and Fitz opened, and it revealed something that made them afraid. Gravitonium. And it was powering this whole thing.

“Bad thing?” You asked, looking to Daisy.

She didn’t look at you as she both nodded and spoke, “Yeah. Very bad.” She said.

You were all met with a quick splash of bullets, one of them catching Fitz as Daisy pushed you to the ground. She took cover, quickly darting and getting the new guy chasing you to shoot a pipe, blinding him momentarily and giving Daisy time to dart in and disable him.

You covered Jemma as she moved Fitz out of the room, and waited for Daisy to catch up with you. She gave you a pat as she passed you, “Keep going, kiddo.”

You guys did, and Jemma had put Fitz on the floor. As you went to check on him, you saw a figure in the dark.

You saw an all too familiar helmet in the dark.

You were the first there, grabbing him and slamming him into the wall. He grunted, and you could tell his eyes were wide behind the helmet.

“Glad I brought the helmet.” He said, trying to cover up that fear.

You ripped it off, dropping it on the ground. You saw his face, your friend turned traitor.

You socked him right in the face.

“Alright, guess I deserved that one.” He admitted, rubbing his jaw.

“You don’t talk to them.” Daisy sneered, before asking him if he was coming for the bounty.

He wasn’t, as it turned out. He’d lost everything, and seemed to want to be team SHIELD. He explained to Daisy how he knew she wanted to get to Jemma, and how you wanted to be with your grandmother. You wanted to get to know her.

He wasn’t wrong, but you were still pissed at him.

He knew that, and didn’t meet your gaze as you guys went to reunite with the rest of the family.

As you approached the door, however, you paused. Daisy came back out when she realised you hadn’t gone inside.

You were leant up against the wall, hands on your knees, “Hey. Hey, what’s wrong?” Daisy asked, crouching down to your level.

“I – I just…that’s all of them?”

She nodded, before it clicked in her mind, “Hey,” She said softly, putting finger under your chin and lifting your head up to face her, “I’ll be right here, ok? You aren’t me, and that’s ok with the social thing. But, they’re gonna love you, and I’m right here.” She felt like she had to remind you again that she was right there.

You entered, with her behind you. The others looked to you.

“Hi – uh, I’m Y/N.” You greeted, a bit self conscious. However, you then spotted Flint, “Holy shit.” You breathed out, embracing your friend. It helped that he was here.

“Y/N,” You turned to the one and only, Phil Coulson, “I’m –”

“Phil Coulson. Hi.” Your voice was timid, but you then cleared your throat and repeated it. His smile didn’t change however, he didn’t seem to mind how you were opposite to Daisy in some ways.

He accepted it. And so were you, slowly.

Then the bangs from your chasers came at the door. Flint had moved the rocks to create a barrier to buy time, but there was only so much he could do.

However, if there was one thing you didn’t lose as a Johnson, it was a calculating look in your eye as you came up with a plan. Hell, you even bit your lip.

“What you planning, Y/NN?” You felt a bit of pride at the nickname.

You whistled, gaining Dekes attention, “Belt buckle.” You only said. He threw it to you, “This is a start.” You told him, and you clocked the thankful smile he shot your way.

The others followed your movements to a shaft that had been cleared by Flint, “We can get up there with this.” You said, waving the object you had.

Fitzsimmons explained what it did. You didn’t know the science of it, you just knew it would work.

All up, you thought this would be goodbye. You had gotten them up and out.

However –

“Y/N.” Daisy called after you. You turned to her, “You can come with, if you want?”

Your eyes lit up again, “Really?”

“Of course, you’re family. Besides, be good to have a guide to this world to help us.”

“You got Deke, though?”

“Yeah, but he’s not you.”

You softened a bit at the words. She wanted you there. Then again, you weren’t just her legacy now.

You were her friend.

“Ok, you said.”

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Face Value (S2, E7)

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:05 - Hold your horses. Malcolm taught at Quantico?!? I mean, I realize that he probably just did the occasional guest lecture (like most profilers?) but I’m still stupidly proud of him. <3 

0:50 - ngl Malcolm’s a good lecturer. Take it from a university student.

1:13 - “It’s okay. We don’t know what you did and it’s not that mu-....BREATHE” Holy shit. I’m torn between ranting about what a great actor Tom Payne is and losing my mind because this scene is heartbreaking. Look at Malcolm. I swear he’s reminding himself to breathe - not Ainsley. He’s completely panicking but he’s trying so hard to be strong for Ainsley. This boy is an absolute treasure. Brother of the CENTURY. 

1:41 - “You’re right Ainsley. I screwed up.” NO NO NO NO NO. Can you hear the sound of my heart shattering?!? This scene is so much more devastating the second time. When you know Ainsley is putting ON A SHOW HERE. Look at Malcolm’s face. He’s devastated. He blames himself for AINSLEY’S actions. He’s starting to genuinely believe that he’s no better than Martin Whitly. Malcolm’s depression/anxiety is through the roof in this episode. I honestly won’t be shocked if Malcolm has a complete mental breakdown in the next few episodes. Hell, I don’t think I’d be surprised if he tries to OD on his meds. This boy is in crisis and I’m terrified for him. 

1:44 - “I think I did too.”.....this line is interesting. Is this part of Ainsley’s act or is she showing some regret for putting Malcolm through this much emotional torment? She can clearly see that this whole situation is literally destroying her brother’s already fragile peace of mind. 

1:55 - “Today could be the day!”.....the day that everyone finds out about Endicott and Ainsley.....seriously, Malcolm’s daily affirmations this season have done nothing but feed his anxiety. 

2:04 - OF COURSE. A call from Martin. Malcolm is going to have a mental breakdown. It’s just everything. All at once. I’m getting secondhand anxiety FOR him. 

2:35 - hahaha Martin is a crazy, evil, pain in the ass but damn is he entertaining. 

2:55 - 1) Ainsley looks adorable in Malcolm’s hoodie. 2) Ainsley straight up leaves his loft later in this episode. Did she hid a change of clothes in the loft before Malcolm got home last night? Or does she actually leave her big brother’s apartment in his clothes? 

3:05 - “Getting hit by a train might be better.” Yep. Malcolm is entering a dangerous territory. I know depression is different for everyone but for me, when I start joking - out loud - to people I love about death in passing....things are bad. Like I’m getting suicidal bad. I know Malcolm has a morbid job and he talks about death all the time but this feels like Malcolm is starting to consider suicide as an option. 

3:34 - I can see Ainsley’s “You were trying to control me” perspective. BUT honestly? Take a step back and listen to the desperation and fear in Malcolm’s voice. Anyone with half a brain cell can HEAR how scared Malcolm is and how deeply he loves his sister. Ainsley has known Malcolm her entire life. If she was functioning on all cylinders - she would know that Malcolm is just being a protective big brother. He’s not trying to control her - just help her. But this has been a theme for Ainsley since season 1 when she brought up visiting Martin during family dinner. She seems to believe that Jessica and Malcolm think that she’s a “fragile flower” and that she can’t take care of herself. I understand how that could be frustrating but I also find it concerning that Ainsley doesn’t seem to understand that they aren’t treating her that way because they think she’s weak or stupid but rather out of love. Ainsley acts like a petulant child about this sort of thing (anger, whining, eye-rolling). Ainsley acts very entitled a lot, in the sense that if something doesn’t go her way she just throws a hissy fit (think reporting and/or any Whitly family squabble). Ainsley is messed up. Unlike Malcolm, she doesn’t seem to have any self-awareness when it comes to her behavioural eccentricities. Malcolm actively tries to improve his mental state. Ainsley just throws a hissy fit when the world doesn’t bend to her will.....and this stream of consciousness Ainsley rant just became wayyyyy longer than I had anticipated (sorry). 

3:41 - “Promise me.” See that look? Ainsley is pissed at Malcolm. This girl’s anger is concerning me.......what if (crazy thought) the season finale is Martin escaping Claremont to stop Ainsley from killing Malcolm? 

3:43 - I wish I could be happier about this hug. Malcolm is finally getting a hug but.....he instigated it and he’s not the one being comforted sooooooooo I’m still unsatisfied. 

3:49 - “Hey, you look...terrible.” SCREAM IT FROM THE ROOFTOPS DANI!! God. I love how concerned she is about Malcolm. IDC how you feel about Brightwell. If you don’t think they’re good friends - you’re a moron. 

4:05 - This is the moment when I went....oooohhhh yeah. LDP directed this episode. That’s probably why he’s not in this scene. 

4:10 - JT is a GOOD husband. Give him a medal. Seriously - last season he was going to watch the Taylor wedding live with Tally (who was going to wear a hat <3 ), this season Mr. Masculine casually throws out stats about the Housewives. hahaha I don’t even care if JT genuinely enjoys the Housewives or not. I’m just so utterly delighted at the idea of him watching it with his wife and having a good time with her. <3 JT is the definition of a good husband and I’m HERE FOR IT. 

4:34 - .......seriously? I thought Edrisa had realized that this crush is unrequited last season? I love Edrisa but her obsession with Malcolm is getting a little creepy. Like “13 year old in love with the 40 year old math teacher” creepy. It’s sort of cute but also like - gurl. No.

4:38 - Ok. Dani’s reaction to Edrisa hitting on Malcolm saves the scene for me. Lol.

4:51 - Ugh. That is a really creepy corpse.

4:56 - Look. We’ve all obsessed about it already but I have to bring it up: MALCOLM STILL HAS THE BRUISE FROM THE ELEVATOR. SOMEONE GIVE THE MAKEUP DEPARTMENT A MEDAL. THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR REMEMBERING MALCOLM’S PHYSICAL TRAUMA.

5:21- ......ok maybe I’m projecting my cynicism here but anyone who has framed newspaper clippings about themselves in their office is seriously egocentric. Maybe it’s just me - but that’s a massive turn off and takes someone out of the running for “angel” status.

6:10 - I’m sorry for every time I thought Jessica was a crazy rich lady during season 1. Birdie is so so so much crazier.

6:36 - “Only the men you date.” Bitch. OMG. Who says something that backhanded and cruel to their sibling?!?!? ......oh wait. I remember how this episode ends :|

7:15 - THANK YOU. I’ve been wondering about the status of Martin’s medical certification since I watched the pilot. SO happy to find out that he couldn’t weasel his way into keeping it.

7:37 - Like most of you, I’ve been creeped out by this whole Martin/Capshaw interaction since it was released as a promo clip. Seriously - it’s creepy. There’s an upsetting amount of subtle flirting here. I’m not sure what it is about Capshaw but her whole energy is just really unnerving to me. I immediately hated her in the promo. Istg Capshaw is an undercover serial killer or something. AND IF SHE BECOMES A LOVE INTEREST FOR MARTIN I WILL LOSE MY SHIT.

8:06 - Oh yeah. She’s either romantically interested in Martin or she’s a psychopath on the DL and is playing him.

8:12 - YAY!!! The Yankee mug returns!!! <3

8:34 - “Sometimes the most monstrous people are the ones hiding in plain sight.” Ouch. I know the writers like to project Malcolm’s emotional turmoil on the case of the week but hearing those words come out of Gil’s mouth?!? Ouch. That hurt Malcolm. Bad. It wasn’t even directed at Malcolm but damn. This is not helping his mental health. At all.

8:41 - Gil. Is. Concerned. <3 :) .....pretty sure Gil also suspects about Endicott and Ainsley by now too. .....hmmmmm maybe that comment about monsters was Gil’s way of trying to get Malcolm to confess (or to gauge Malcolm’s reaction)?  

9:15 - I feel so bad for Malcolm here. He’s literally juggling everyone’s problems. Ainsley’s murder situation. Jessica’s personal drama. But is he dealing with his emotional problems? No. He’s too busy being a good son/brother. SOMEONE PAY ATTENTION TO MALCOLM. HE NEEDS A HUG.

9:35 - Deer. In. Headlights. Well....at least Dani knows Malcolm’s about to have a mental breakdown. This boy just got more information to help him crack a murder case and he looks confused, startled, and lost. He’s usually excited and motivated. This Endicott situation is slowly killing Malcolm. I don’t know how much longer he can struggle under the weight of the guilt.

9:48 - Look at this. Ainsley is pissed off that Malcolm isn’t paying attention to her. We know that this whole 2nd murder was a sham so WTF? Is she really just that hungry for attention? That sounds like Martin Whitly to me - the narcissistic psychopath who needs attention like an addict needs cocaine. Also AINSLEY’S acting here?!? We know that she’s lying to Malcolm but holy shit. She’s a really good actress/liar? What else has she lied about?!? 

10:05 - Ok. So just when did Ainsley remember? I honestly think she’s known since at least 2x01.

10:20 - Look. I understand that Ainsley is pissed that Malcolm is trying to ‘control her’. But did she even listen to the desperation and fear in his voice? This boy wants her to stay in the loft because he’s scared of who she might hurt if she’s out in public, unsupervised. He’s not trying to abuse or hurt her - just protect her. Is he misguided -maybe? Should he have called the cops on Ainsley right away - probably. But he didn’t out of love. Ainsley doesn’t even seem to realize how much this whole situation is hurting Malcolm and that’s the biggest problem. She doesn’t show any remorse at killing Endicott. She’s just pissed off that Malcolm lied about it. SHE KILLED SOMEONE an she (outwardly at least) feels no remorse. This girl is a psychopath (sociopath?) and this will NOT end well for Malcolm and Jessica.  

10:27 - This whole scene was awesome btw. Tom Payne flawlessly communicated Malcolm’s panic, fear, anger, and desperate attempts to stay calm. And Dani’s blatant concern (and suspicion) of Malcolm and his mental state.  AND Ainsley being a little brat. Ugh. So beautiful.

10:45 - I love this scene. I love the fact that they have the type of friendship where Dani’s not afraid to call Malcolm out on his crap (trying to hide things from the team). I love that Malcolm isn’t offended that Dani called him out. He doesn’t lie. Ainsley is lost at the moment. Malcolm is more honest with Dani about how the whole Ainsley thing is affecting him than he is with anyone else. I love that Dani still looks suspicious and concerned. I love watching Dani piece this whole thing together. I’m honestly at a point where I think Dani is going to know about Endicott before Gil. I love that Dani gives Malcolm honest, judgement-free advise. Because she doesn’t like seeing how much pain Malcolm is in. I love that Malcolm isn’t completely shutting her out. <3

11:00 - “What if she already has?”.....yep. Dani is totally piecing the Endicott situation together. 

11:09 - “I’m overthinking it.” THIS. There is a split second where you can see the betrayal on Dani’s face. She knows Malcolm is hiding something and she’s hurt that he doesn’t trust her enough to let her in. She’s also probably hurt because she views this as a lie - which brings back 1x20 memories. 

11:35 - “Even when they’re as beautiful as you.” Ugh. I love this so so so so much. Look at how Dani absolutely lights up at Malcolm’s unintentional compliment. I relate to Dani in the sense that I’m a woman in a male dominated field (engineering). I can’t tell you how often men that she works with have probably objectified her, belittled her, and sexualized her. Malcolm isn’t doing this. He doesn’t call her hot. He doesn’t comment on her body or how she dresses. He doesn’t even acknowledge that she’s a woman. He just calls her beautiful. But he does it in a way that you can tell he’s being genuine. He doesn’t expect anything in return for the compliment. He’s not trying to play the long game. He’s just thinks she’s beautiful. He doesn’t even realize that he said it. BECAUSE Malcolm is in profiler mode. He’s focused on the murder - not Dani. He mentioned that Dani’s beauty off-handedly because 1) he believes it and 2) it was relevant to his profiling train of thought. BUT LOOK AT HOW MUCH IT MEANT TO DANI. <3 <3 <3

12:00 - Why is Chabra exiled to the corner of the room?!?! Someone explain this tomfoolery. Is it literally to just get across that Chabra is not the alpha in this corrupt plastic surgery business?!?

12:16 - Ew. Please never say YOLO. Ever. It’s cringy when kids say it but it’s so so so much worse when someone over 25 says it. 

12:18 - hhahahahahahaha OMG. Dani’s face after he says “yolo”. 

12:31 - Yep. This dude is an asshole. DO NOT try to convince Malcolm to get plastic surgery. The dude has enough problems without adding dysmorphia to the mix. 

12:41 - Yep. Chabra is the little puppy that follows Donahue around and does the grunt work.

12:50 - LOOK AT THE NOD DONAHUE GIVES CHABRA when Chabra denies that stock has gone missing. Can you arrest someone for being a rich, corrupt, asshole?! Ugh. Hate him. 

13:20 - Ugh. I really want to know more about Dani’s past. Who in the NYPD tried to belittle, micromanage, or sexualize her just because she’s a woman?

13:30 - “I want Donahue to be the bad guy.” PREACH SISTER.

13:48 - “Easy. We just isolate him with our own alpha males.” hahaha OMG. LET”S GO. I was so pumped when this scene cut to JT and Gil. BUT I was also a little sad. Malcolm doesn’t consider himself to be an alpha male (I mean, he’s not) but it really just drove home to be that Malcolm sees himself as broken. Gil has been Malcolm’s positive male role model for years. But Malcolm doesn’t think he’s anything like Gil. Malcolm thinks he’s broken where Gil is whole, weak where Gil is strong, and bad when Gil is good. It just sort of broke my heart. 

14:00 - hahaha Chabra is just a wimp. Watching Gil and JT play angry cop, calm cop was so so so good though. <3 

14:05 - This was the moment that I remembered LDP was directing this episode. I’m not usually someone who notices camera work or anything but this was a really cool shot. 

15:00 - Oh c’mon. Seriously? Edrisa’s crush has gone too far. She knows he doesn’t like her romantically. Everyone knows it. Please stop this. I’m getting secondhand embarrassment. 

15:16 - Did Edrisa think they were going to do it in the morgue?!? Those flowers?!? Like wtf. I can’t. 

15:29 - I’ll give props to Malcolm here. He’s being really kind to Edrisa here. BUT HE NEEDS TO TELL HER HE’S NOT INTERESTED BECAUSE SHE’S CLEARLY NOT GETTING THE MESSAGE. 

15:33 - Ugh. Look at how uncomfortable Malcolm is. This is upsetting.

16:08 - “What?!? How do you -” Panic. Pure panic in Malcolm’s eyes. Damn. This boy is spiralling. Someone needs to find out about Endicott. Malcolm can’t keep trying to protect Ainsley and Jessica alone. It’s literally killing him. 

17:14 - “All she could see was the ugliness she felt inside.” “That’s a sad way to live.” .........the parallels between the plastic surgery, dysmorphia, and vengeful crime of the week to Malcolm’s current mental health and Ainsley’s crime is slowly killing me. I’m honestly getting annoyed that the other characters aren’t picking up on all the subtle references Malcolm’s making to the fact that he thinks he’s a monster. I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO COMFORT HIM. THAT’S ALL. WHY IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK FEDAK!??! 

17:30 - Another point to the Dani/Malcolm friendship. She takes out the gun and pushes Malcolm back. Is she trying to protect him? Technically, yes. BUT she’s just doing her job. I love that Malcolm respects Dani enough to let her take charge and do her job. I love that he’s secure enough about his masculinity to let her. 

18:15 - Yikes. This woman is 90% plastic. Cosmetic plastic surgery is terrifying. 

20:16 - Another reminder of the woman’s ward. Either Sophie Sanders or Ainsley is going to end up in that ward soon (I’m still half-convinced that Sophie is going to appear out of the woodwork and take the fall for Endicott). 

21:49 - “...convinced her that she would never have a career unless she looked the part.” <3 Look at how disgusted Gil is when Dani tells him that. Gil is a good man and I love him forever. <3 

22:33 - I love this. Dani and Gil are both concerned about Malcolm and communicating it in looks. It won’t be long until there’s a team intervention for Malcolm’s mental health (or at least, that’s my headcanon - if someone wants to write me a fic about it I’ll love you forever).

22:44 - WTF GIL. WHY AREN’T YOU ASKING MALCOLM WHAT’S WRONG?!?! IS IT BECAUSE YOU ALREADY KNOW AND YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT IT YET?!?! 

22:49 -.....soooooo does this mean that Gil already knew that Birdie existed?!? How often did Birdie appear after Martin’s arrest?!?! I WANT DETAILS.

23:06 - Holy shit. Look at that little smirk Ainsley shoots Malcolm when he first walks in and sees her. Ainsley is maliciously toying with Malcolm and I DON”T LIKE IT.

23:14 - Jessica is concerned. I promise you Ainsley and Malcolm have rarely - if ever - fought like this in front of her. I was raised in single parent home after my abusive dad left. I know how that changes the sibling dynamic. No matter how genuinely pissed off you are - you don’t stress Mom out more. If you’re just annoyed with each other and doing regular ‘sibling squabbling’ - then you whine and argue in front of Mom. But if you’re seriously angry with each other - you deal with it when Mom isn’t home to see it because no matter what - you both appreciate how hard Mom is working to keep what’s left of your family together. 

23:28 - “Malcolm. Looking more like your father every day.” BITCH. Did she just say that because she watched Malcolm go off on Ainsley? Sure, Malcolm was a little controlling (probably similar to a situation Birdie witnessed between Jess and Martin back in the day) but HOLY SHIT. That is your nephew. Maybe he’s having a bad day. Maybe being told he resembles a serial killer is really damaging to his already fragile pysche. I don’t like Birdie. AND I DON”T LIKE THAT JESSICA DOESN”T STAND UP FOR MALCOLM HERE. 

24:00 - I don’t like this. These Martin+Capshaw scenes are really hard to watch. Martin is still acting like Martin - manipulative, egotistic, manicA. But he’s also acting like a professional doctor (an asshole doctor but still). It’s really disconcerting to watch Capshaw take his medical opinion seriously. Plus - there’s something about Capshaw that creeps me out. I just haven’t figured out what it is yet. But I’m pretty sure she’s a bad lady.  

24:16 - “What bit should I use?” - See this? No. Just...no. I don’t like how she’s taking Martin’s medical advise to heart so readily. 

25:04 - Why was Martin allowed to watch the procedure?!? He’s clearly getting a sick amount of pleasure from the blood and drilling. Look at the way Martin grins at Capshaw too. Martin is planning out an entire scheme to manipulate Capshaw into helping him escape. You can see the metaphoric lightbulb above his head. 

25:29 - This meal. Seriously. Was I the only one who got a glimpse of the meat in a red sauce and thought “human meat”?!? No wonder Malcolm’s main food group is liquorice. 

25:44 - Poor Jessica. She is not having a good time. Jessica’s behaviour in this scene is really interesting though. Jessica repeatedly shoots apologetic looks at Malcolm. She looks at Ainsley with fear. She looks super uncomfortable. She’s not saying much because she desperately wants a relationship with her sister but she also doesn’t want to belittle her son’s career. She’s proud of Malcolm - in her own way. 

26:00 - “The family trust fund would run dry.” hahahahaha YES MALCOLM. THROW THAT SHADE. hahahaha

26:23 - “Most of the time anyway” Wow. Uncalled for. I know Ainsley is mad but this isn’t cool. I have this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that Birdie has been approached by Europol about the Endicott murder. I have this terrifying notion that Birdie is trying to collect intel so she can sell the information to Europol. If I’m right (which I’m probably not) this comment will not help Malcolm’s case.

26:41 - hahaha look at how annoyed Jessica is. Is she annoyed because her children are openly fighting in front of their Aunt when Jessica wants to portray the “perfect, undamaged family”? Or is Jessica annoyed because what Ainsley just said was out of line and she’s scared of Ainsley right now?

27:02 - “Why would you do that? I told you I would handle everything.” This. This is why I will argue that Ainsley is way out of line. Yes, Malcolm is sort of trying to control her. BUT listen to his words, the desperation and fear in his voice. Malcolm is trying to protect Ainsley. Ainsley has every right to be annoyed with him but if she was functioning at an adult mental capacity she’d be able to see that he isn’t being malicious. 

27:35 - The fact that Birdie is a backstabbing, lying bitch is so frustrating to me. Look at how badly Jessica wants to have a healthy relationship with her little sister. Jessica just wants a girl-friend to confide in and drink with. I’m heartbroken that Martin stole that from her. 

28:05 - I know LDP was directing this episode but JT or Dani should’ve called Malcolm. Why? This conversation between Gil and Malcolm (WHEN GIL IS WEARING HIS COAT) just makes me wonder - where is Gil going? JT is at Donahue’s apartment. Dani and Malcolm are going to talk to Chabra. Where is Gil going?!? 

29:07 - ....how did Donahue get the coke into the cheetah? Was there a release thingy (like in a piggy bank) that Malcolm just elected not to use in the panic of the moment? 

29:14 - “What else would you hide in a cheetah?” hahahahahaha

29:40 - “No. No. Only if I got the dose wrong.” Yikes. Malcolm is operating in full panic mode here. This is not good for his mental health. 

30:08 - “This is the worst cooking show ever.” hahaha this was hilarious but cooking show? What? Do I not watch enough of those? Because I don’t see the link. 

30:38 - The moment when Malcolm looks at Dani with fear. He thinks he just killed Chabra and he’s terrified that Dani is looking at him with hatred. :( 

30:46 - The two seconds when Malcolm thinks he killed someone. Look at his face. That boy is broken. Again - if he doesn’t have a full on mental breakdown soon I’m going to be so annoyed with the writers because NO HUMAN CAN WITHSTAND THIS MUCH TRAUMA THIS QUICKLY - WITHOUT ANY EMOTIONAL SUPPORT - AND COME OUT FUNCTIONAL. 

31:03 - “I do not miss drugs.” :O Dani :( Sweetie <3 Ugh. This line was heartbreaking because it hurts to remember that Dani had a drug problem. But it’s also really great. She was just in front of 1 gram of cocaine. She didn’t grab for it. It didn’t reawaken the urge to use in her. She was strong enough to say “I don’t miss this life” and say it OUT LOUD in front of Malcolm. <3 Friendship. She’s starting to trust Malcolm more. This is good....until she finds out about Endicott. 

31:45 - Wait. If Birdie knew about Endicott and Jessica.....does she know about Gil?!?!

31:49 - “Trust but verify.” That’s such a heartbreaking way to live. I hate that she has to live in a world without trust because of what Martin did. I want Jessica to be happy. So so badly. 

32:06 - .....how did Jessica find out about the book?!!?! Seriously.

32:17 - “Mummy”. Mrs. Milton is alive?!?! What. OMG. So....but how? Jessica is living in the Milton family home. Jessica is rich. But Birdie has been cut off from the family money. However, it’s clear from this conversation that Jessica and her mother aren’t on speaking terms. So how did this work? When did Jessica move into the Milton family home and why? Where is Jessica’s money coming from? Did Jessica invest her trust fund money smartly and make a fortune? Does Jessica still have access to the Milton family bank accounts?!? AND WHERE IS JESSICA’S DAD?!!? I WANT MORE INFORMATION FEDAK. 

32:49 - Malcolm is his mother’s son. Look at this. Jessica is so hurt by what Birdie has done. However, Jessica sighs, takes a breath and helps her little sister out at the cost of causing herself pain. Malcolm would do the exact same for Ainsley. He has. 

33:40 - “And do we need to talk about last night?!?” Gil has been different this season. Less soft. More strict. 

33:51 - Look at how Gil stares at Dani here. He’s annoyed and concerned. Concerned because she was in close proximity to drugs last night. Annoyed because he created a monster. Gil put together is badass, sarcastic daughter with his unstable, awkward son and they are creating a headache for him.

34:41 - “even for consultants?” hahaha

36:50 - The irony that our killer of the week is a woman who is in pain, feels disfigured, and murders in revenge is so so thick. 

37:18 - “It’s enough to drive anyone insane”.....like the emotional pain that Malcolm is currently suffering from?

38:42 - “The best revenge is letting him live like this.” The moment Malcolm realized that Ainsley was manipulating him. Look at the hurt and fear on his little face. :( 

39:00 - Ugh. I can’t tell who’s manipulating who in this whole Capshaw+Martin relationship but it’s all gross. I swear if they become romantic I will puke. These two are a psychopathic match made in heaven. 

40:08 - I could write essays upon essays about this final scene but I need to sleep. So it’s going into point form without time stamps:

First off - Halston Sage and Tom Payne give us an AMAZING performance in this scene and they deserve an Emmy for it. Seriously. 

Look at how Ainsley walks into the room. She’s self-satisfied. She feels no remorse. She’s pleased that Malcolm has been suffering. 

Look at how utterly empty Malcolm is when he greets Ainsley. This boy is in shock. He’s so deeply hurt and he just had one of his greatest fears confirmed - Ainsley is like Martin. 

“Do you have any idea what you put me through?!?” This. Yes, Malcolm is upset and hurt but there’s a part of me that genuinely thinks this question isn’t rhetorical. There’s a part of me that thinks Malcolm is desperately trying to get Ainsley to admit to feeling remorse so that he can convince himself that his baby sister isn’t gone forever. 

“Do you?” Ainsley is mad. She has a right to be. Malcolm did lie to her. He probably should’ve told her the truth. HOWEVER, if Ainsley was a functional adult - she would’ve just confronted Malcolm about it. She has every right to be pissed but her behaviour has been downright petty, juvenile, and cruel. 

“Underestimated me. For months.” Is this the root of Ainsley’s anger? She mentioned something similar in 1x6 when Jessica and Malcolm tried to stop her from visiting Martin. She resents Jessica and Malcolm for treating her like a child. For trying to protect her from Martin. On one hand, I understand - that’s probably suffocating and frustrating. On the other hand, Ainsley’s acting like a child so....why wouldn’t they treat her like one?

“I have given up everything for you!! I don’t even know who I am anymore.” This breaks me. Malcolm is screaming through tears. He’s so utterly broken (this doesn’t count as a mental breakdown Fedak....you better give me more). Malcolm is rightfully frustrated that Ainsley doesn’t acknowledge that he literally threw out his moral code to protect her. That when this gets out - his relationship with his only real friends since he was 10 years old (JT and Dani) will probably want nothing to do with him. Malcolm probably thinks that Gil will abandon him WHEN the Endicott thing comes out. Malcolm has thrown his fragile mental health down the drain to protect Ainsley. He thinks he’s a monster. Yes. Malcolm made the choice to protect Ainsley. Ainsley doesn’t have to be grateful. She doesn’t have to respect his decision. But acknowledging that his decision was made out of love would sure help. Malcolm wanted to be a good big brother so badly that he threw away his sense of self.

“Protect me? Or control me?” Wow. Okay. I get it. Ainsley feels controlled which is bad for someone who likes being in control. But Malcolm was never trying to control Ainsley. Malcolm was trying to control a situation. Not a person. Is what Malcolm did right? No, lying to Ainsley wasn’t a great choice. But telling her the truth also wasn’t a great choice. He was damned either way. 

“For someone who spent the last few decades trying to recover from being gaslight; it’s ironic how quickly you resorted to it.” Uncalled for. Was Malcolm gaslighting Ainsley? Technically, yes. HOWEVER, one of the main criteria for gaslighting is that the gaslighter is aware that they’re gaslighting someone. I honestly don’t think Malcolm realized he was gaslighting Ainsley - look at his face when she mentions it: he looks heartbroken. BESIDES. How is AINSLEY NOT GASLIGHTING MALCOLM RIGHT NOW?!?! “That’s exactly what Dad would say.” She’s trying to convince Malcolm that he’s just like Martin. She’s made him believe that she murdered a second person. She made him an accomplice to her fake murder. She knowingly continued with this ruse after he came clean and told her the truth. And he was nothing but supportive and protective. Malcolm helped her hide a body. Why is Ainsley playing the victim?! 

Look at the torture on Malcolm’s face right before he apologizes to Ainsley for lying to her. This boy is being gaslight and he doesn’t even realize it. 

FURTHERMORE I DON’T RECALL AINSLEY APOLOGIZING TO MALCOLM FOR MAKING HIM 1) HIDE A BODY, 2) LIE TO THEIR MOM, 3) LIE TO GIL, 4) AN ACCOMPLICE TO A SECOND (FAKE) MURDER, 5) LYING TO MALCOLM ABOUT THE SECOND MURDER. She just says, “Maybe it was a little over the top.” Come on. No. 

“I appreciate that.” SERIOUSLY. Ainsley doesn’t even have the curtesy to say “I’m sorry too.” or “I know you did what you thought was best”?!? Her response feels bitter and angry. She doesn’t forgive Malcolm. She’s still livid despite the fact that her brother is literally breaking apart in front of her. There’s no questioning the genuineness of Malcolm’s apology. That’s sincere pain and remorse. 

This whole scene is super disturbing because Malcolm is on the verge of tears. He’s visibly upset. Yet - Ainsley is channeling a quiet, disassociating anger (similar to what she looked like right before she murdered Endicott). She’s completely consumed by anger. She’s not acting rationally and it’s really disconcerting to watch the contrast between the two siblings. 

“I had to make sure that you were never going to mess with my head again.” .....you know, a functional adult human (hell, even a half-functional adult human) would just verbally confront their sibling about it. They probably wouldn’t fully trust or forgive their sibling right away but they wouldn’t pull a stunt as cruel and malicious as Ainsley just pulled on Malcolm. The problem with Ainsley’s behaviour vs. Malcolm’s is this: Ainsley is intentionally hurting Malcolm out of anger. Ainsley wants revenge. Malcolm reacted out of fear and panic to protect Ainsley. Malcolm just wants to be a good big brother. Neither of them are perfectly in the right but Ainsley is so so so out of line. 

“You need to lighten up. We got away with it.” Ainsley is a serial killer. Say it from the rooftops. This is the first time she’s shown an emotion other than anger/disassociation all episode. Ainsley is happy that they got away with it. Malcolm is crumpling under the guilt and grief but Ainsley is happy. 

“No one does this murder stuff better than us.” Holy shit. I can’t. Malcolm looks so so so heartbroken here. He just realized that his sister is gone forever. AND AINSLEY damn. This girl needs some serious help. She’s going to kill again. She liked it the first time. I bet you she slaughtered the pig just to get her fix. She could’ve boughten the pig’s blood from a butcher shop or something but I bet you she killed the pig herself. And I bet you she liked it.

Hoxley is a flamboyant gay and a cocky profiler. That’s just a fact. 

I can’t. Alan Cummings will always be the villain from Spy Kids to me. I don’t know how I’m going to take Hoxley seriously. 

Yoooooo Endicott’s head is creepy af. 

Damn. This isn’t good. Hoxley is going to ruin Malcolm’s life. I can feel it. 

Okay. I loved this episode. I have a lot of feelings about it (obviously). I’m so bitter that we have to wait until April 13th for the next episode. See you guys next time. If you read this far - thanks for hanging out.