#ok 3 things. 1 why are his hands so massive. I mean genuinely God that is unnecessary. how do u expect people not to sin and then do that

[tomcriuse]

Criminal Minds 1.19 'Machismo'

[ah-ga-seven]

Till’ The End of Summer - Chapter 1

>> series masterlist <<

Pairing: Choi Yeonjun x Reader

In a Nutshell: College!AU, Rich Kids, Friends to Lovers, Fuckboy athlete Yeonjun, Overprotective Best friend Soobin, contains all of TXT and other Idol cameos, Omnipresent perspective.

Synopsis: You and Yeonjun are caught up in a cat and mouse game because of unspoken feelings and endless pining for each others’ attention. With the summer break approaching and lots of college parties, will you finally get a chance to explore your feelings for each other even though the world and Yeonjun’s reputation makes things complicated? 

Word count: 3.2K

Genre: Angst, Fluff, 

Warnings: Mentions of sex, alcohol, overall pretty tame. 

A/N: English isn’t my first language, pls don’t come for me ;) Also the first chapter sucks and is more of an introduction so pls give ch 2 a chance lmaoo, it’s juicy, i promise.

You were exhausted.  

Your second year of college had passed like a whirlwind and you didn’t even have the time to realise.

Deadline after deadline after deadline had passed and you finally handed in your last paper of the year.  

You sigh in relief. The pent up tension leaves ur body and the stress seems to fade more and more as the seconds pass. You stare blankly at your laptop screen. Still not quite realising how you managed to write ten thousand words of scientific research just 3 days before the deadline.

You feel two firm hands on your shoulders, massaging you as a way to show comfort “Hey, are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”  

The voice and sudden skinship startled you a little but as soon as you realise who it is, you relax in his touch.

You remove your Airpods and look up at your best friend, Soobin, who sat down next to you at your favourite secluded table in the school’s cafeteria. It’s where your friends could always find you if you had work to do.  

“I just might” you sigh throwing your head back. And suddenly a huge grin crept up your face. Which worked contagiously as Soobin instantly started to smile back at you. 

“I did it. I finished all of the work.” You say putting your hand on your forehead dramatically.  

Soobin chuckled nudging your shoulder. “I told you, you’d be fine. You always manage to pull through even though you procrastinate so much.” He says as he high-fives you.

You pout at his statement. Yes. It’s a serious problem. “I just-”

You stop your sentence midway as that god walks into the cafeteria. His confident stride to the soda machine dressed in simple athletic wear made your jaw drop slightly. He was sweaty, probably from basketball practice. His chestnut hair damp, cascading his forehead and prickling his eyes. He blinked a few times before blowing the hair out of his face with his pouty lips.  

You swallow harshly at the sight and Soobin follows your gaze. You hear him chuckle, right before he flicks your forehead.

“Maybe if you stopped drooling over my roommate, you would’ve been able to focus.”  

You send him a glare, kicking his knee under the table, making him yelp out in pain, which caught someone’s attention.

Yeonjun takes out his soda from the machine as his head snaps in your direction. He smiles and approaches your table. Your heart decided to do martial arts in your chest with every step he took towards your table.

You look away from his gaze quickly pretending to be busy with your laptop.

“Hey, what’s up?” Yeonjun said ‘bro-fiving’ Soobin.  

“Nothing much, just the usual abuse from miss thing here,” Soobin says sending you a look as he rubs his knee. 

“Abuse? I didn’t know you were into that.” Yeonjun says giving you a coy smile, and you nearly choked at his words, looking at him wide-eyed.

You try your best to keep your cool, but Yeonjun was leaning against your chair, inching dangerously close, looking over your shoulder.

“Watchu working on?” he asks cutting the tension.

Oh Yeonjun, always so friendly and interested. If only he knew the effect he had on you. Or the effect he had on at least half of the female and male population of your elite college.  

“N-nothing. I mean I just finished it. It’s the paper for Mr. Davis’s class. The last one, so summer can finally start.” You ramble, not sure why you’re telling him all of these details. It’s not like he cares. 

You take a mental note to shut up, stealing a quick glance from Soobin who was awkwardly shifting in his seat.

Yeonjun let out a chuckle, patting your back. “Good job, I knew you could do it. This paper will give you an advantage next year right?”  

You look up in confusion. “How’d you know?”

“Soobinnie here told me that this paper was the reason you bailed on the party two days ago. Such a shame, would’ve been nice to have you there you know…” Yeonjun says a little lost in thought absentmindedly moving a strand of your hair behind your ear.  

Was he? Flirting?  

“I have all the time in the world now, so if you want to see me so badly, just give me a call.” You say confidently crossing your arms. You were testing him, and he seemed amused by your sudden confidence.  

Soobin rolled his eyes at the two of you. Yeonjun is a notorious fuckboy. A star player of the basketball team, rich, handsome, charming but also his best friend and teammate. You were also his best friend that he had known since childhood, which means that the two of you were a recipe for disaster in his books.  

The two of you planned to go to the same college since your parents pushed you to do so, but also because you two are joined at the hip since birth. Oh and did you mention that Soobin was the one with the full basketball scholarship, while you had to rely on your actual brain to get one?

Ever since you started college and were introduced to Choi Yeonjun, you had a meaningless crush on him. But since time passed and you got close to Soobin’s friends and vice versa, your feelings towards him seemed to escalate and you could tell that Yeonjun was into you too. You just didn’t know in what way.

Soobin always tried his best to keep you two apart because he didn’t want you to get hurt. Soobin knew Yeonjun was just going to be in it for the sex and is not ready for a relationship in any way or form.  

But Soobin also knows that if you have set your mind to something, there’s absolutely no way that he can talk you out of it. You have always had a fascination for bad boys, wanting to fix them and then crying to Soobin about it when it didn’t work out. It might be the quality he hates about you the most.

But this time it was different. This time it was between two people that Soobin genuinely cared for. So he was against the two of you having any type of relationship other than friendship.

Soobin cleared his throat, diverting the attention back to him. “That sounds nice and all, but I think y/n will be going back home for summer. Right?”

You’re confused by Soobin’s sudden cock blocking and raise your eyebrow at him.

“No, actually. I’m not. Not this year. My parents are traveling through Europe so there’s nothing for me to go home to.” You say. Soobin knows about this. So why would he mention you going back home?

“Well. That’s great. Then we can finally hang out with the whole squad without any of us bailing because of school work.” Yeonjun says smiling.

“Anyways, I’ve got to go. I guess I’ll…see you around?” Yeonjun asks staring at you intently. You just nod in response giving him a smile, which he returned to you immediately. It was more of a smirk than a smile though and you could swear his eyes wandered to your chest, but you didn’t want to jump to any conclusions.

“See you back home bro” Yeonjun said patting the younger one on his shoulder before walking off.

As Yeonjun was out of sight, your head snaps back to Soobin, who was glaring at you.

“What was that about,” you say crossing your arms, fire spitting from your pupils.

“That’s so NOT happening” Soobin states taking a sip out of his water bottle while keeping eye contact.

“Excuse you?” you say lost for words.

Soobin just shrugs, he’s visibly annoyed and you know not to push his buttons right now but you decide to do so anyway.

“Listen, I know you’re practically my brother and all. But you’re not. So I don’t see why you need to act like you are, I like him Soobin. Let me explore my feelings for him a little.” You say in a hushed tone trying not to sound too bitchy, but Soobin just scoffs in response, rolling his eyes at you.

“It’s your feelings that I’m worried about y/n, cause he certainly doesn’t care. He just wants to fuck. If he actually liked you, he wouldn’t look at you like you’re a meal. He’d look at you with affection.”  

You’re taken aback by his statement and you’re not so sure if you should bite back at him. Instead, you let him explain some more as you wave your hand at him as a sign for him to continue.

“I care about both of you. I just don’t want this y/n, because when worse comes to worst I will have to choose, and then I will choose you and everything will go to shit. I am his captain, we have the same group of friends, we share multiple classes, hell, we share a whole apartment” Soobin sighs massaging his temples.

“Ok…Ok…Jesus” you give in.

“I promise; I won’t engage” you pout.  

“Good,” Soobin says. “Please for once just…listen to me. Trust me, he’s not the type of guy to want a relationship right now.”

“Ok.” You sigh. “But this means you and your girlfriend will be stuck with me all summer then.”

Soobin looks up, confused at how easy it was to talk you out of it. He smiles at you sweetly and his eyes disappear into crescent moons as he does so. “I can’t wait to get mani-pedi’s.” He laughs sarcastically clapping his massive hands together cutely while visibly relaxing in his seat.

Suddenly your heart gets all soft at the sight of the giant baby in front of you.  In a way he is right. He’s telling you all the things that you already knew. And the last thing you wanted was to hurt Soobin for some dumb crush you had on a college boy.  

“Soobin is just the captain cause he’s the tallest” Yeonjun argues.

You giggle at his childish statement. You were at the park off-campus with some of your friends. Soobin had his arm draped around his girlfriend Mia’s shoulder while she leaned into him. They were disgustingly adorable. And every time they displayed a little too much PDA all of your friends would throw snacks at them.

Beomgyu, Taehyun, and Hueningkai had also joined you on the picnic. You were sitting with your legs draped over Beomgyu’s so there would be enough space for everyone on the blanket you brought.  

All of you munched on different types of snacks. And you tried your hardest to keep your distance from Yeonjun without making it obvious.

“Soobin hyung is the captain because he’s not as full of himself as you are” Taehyun said, making everyone but Yeonjun laugh.

He gave Taehyun the glare of death and pouted afterward to show playfulness. “I get no respect in this household” Yeonjun sighs as he throws an M&M at Tae’s head, which he dodged just in time.

Your heart did a jump at the sight of his pout and as if he could sense it, Yeonjun made eye contact with you.

He smirked, looking away when you did.  

Mia looked at you, narrowing her eyes as she saw the way you two were stealing glances from each other like high school kids.  

Mia was one of your closest friends whom you had introduced to Soobin in the first year. They started dating not long after they met. And from time to time you still remind them of the fact that if it weren’t for you, they’d be sad and lonely.

Mia knew you like the back of her hand, just like Soobin did. So keeping a secret from either of them was basically impossible. The two of them tend to gang up on you a lot. Even though you know It’s out of love and concern, it’s still really fucking annoying sometimes. Especially when it comes to your love life.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” you say getting up. Beomgyu reluctantly removed his arm from your leg and uses it as a supporting rod for you to get up.  

You smile and thank him, which made Yeonjun narrow his eyes at the two of you, which Mia also noticed.  

Soobin however was lost in deep conversation with Hueningkai about some Math problems he had.  

Huening was a freshman, just like Tae, but since they were on the basketball team as well, they were all pretty close. And they helped each other out whenever they could.

You admired their friendship and were happy to call them your friends as well.

“I’ll come with you,” Mia says untangling her man's arms from her waist as she tries to get up, earning a sad pout from Soobin in return. “Come back soon,” he said sighing.

“Don’t be disgusting” Yeonjun and you say at the exact same time. Earning chuckles from everyone.

You look at each other surprised and laugh like the two of you were in your own world.

This time, Soobin noticed, and you try your best to avoid his gaze.

“You two are just bitter cause you’re single” Taehyun stated throwing his head back in evil laughter.

“Well so are you, so are all of you except for them so what’s your point exactly” Yeonjun bites back giving Taehyun a beaming smile while stuffing his face with a handful of the chocolates.

“Ehm, shall we?” Mia nudged you and you nodded as the boys’ bickering became background noise while you walked off together.

“Why do chicks always go to the bathroom together” Hueningkai questioned with genuine curiosity.  

“So they can talk shit in private,” Beomgyu said wiggling his eyebrows.

As Mia and you walked further and further from your spot, Mia looks over her shoulder to determine if it’s a safe enough distance to start gossiping.

“Dude” she nudges you while speaking in a hushed tone.

“Why were you and Yeonjun literally eye-fucking each other in front of everyone.”  

Your eyes grow wide and you turn around facing her. “Eye-fucking” you repeat her, suppressing a chuckle while trying to be as nonchalant as possible.  

“I think you’re seeing things.” You say shrugging.

“Am I y/n?” she looks at you with a stern expression, and this time you’ve had about enough.

You sigh in frustration as you open the door to the public bathroom entrance.

“Look, Soobin already gave me the ‘Yeonjun is a fuckboy so stay away’ lecture, I really don’t need to hear it again.”  

“Soobin lectured you about not engaging with Yeonjun?” Mia says surprised.

You raise your eyebrows. “You didn’t know? I thought he told you everything.”  

Mia sighs. “If you like him, who’s Soobin to tell you what to do with those feelings?”  

Your jaw drops, in awe of the fact that she’s siding with you on this one. “But if he hurts you, I’ll break his ankles.” She says determined, with her psycho protective smile.  Ah, there it is.  

“Well. Soobin really gave me an ultimatum. He basically says that if things end badly, he would have to choose between us and that it’d ruin not only his friendship but the team’s teamwork and everything. I don’t want to have that on my conscience just because I’m lusting over Yeonjun.”

Mia nearly busted a lung laughing and you cocked your eyebrow at her in surprise. “What are you laughing about” you try to suppress a smile, amused by her sudden outburst.

“He. Is. So. Dramatic” she says still recovering from her laughing fit.

“He is?” you ask genuinely interested in her point of view.

“Yes, he is. Look I don’t want to be the one to push you into toxicity or anything but we know Yeonjun. He is sweet? And nice. And he has never given me an off vibe. I can tell he has eyes for you, the only problem is that a lot of girls have eyes for him too and that can become a problem. The issue is if YOU can handle that.” Mia fixes your hair while she speaks and you sigh.

She’s right. “But Soobin”

“Oh fuck Soobin, I’ll keep my mouth shut. Just live a little. What’s the worst that could happen.”  

“Did you pee out the whole lake? That took forever.” Soobin states yanking Mia back into his lap.

“I missed you,” he says nuzzling his face in her neck.

“Ok, gross.” Beomgyu rolled his eyes.  

“There was a line” you lie walking over to Yeonjun’s side, sitting down between him and Hueningkai this time. This action earned a look from Soobin, who was basically cursing at you with his eyes, all while Mia smiled at you knowingly. It also earned a look from Yeonjun, he looked at you surprised but content, and he gave you a sweet smile, his facial expression softened immediately when you nudged him playfully as you sat down next to him.

The whole afternoon was spent laughing and bickering. Listening to the boys’ none sense and Taehyun making snacks disappear and appear with his never-ending magic tricks. All while the six of you were busting your brains trying to solve Hueningkai’s mathematical equations for his engineering class.  

Yeonjun inched closer to you from time to time. The both of you were in charge of the music that was blasting from your portable speaker. You compared your Spotify playlists and noticed how much you have in common with him music-wise. It was fun seeing Yeonjun becoming all passionate about his favourite artists, it certainly didn’t help the fact that you were trying to keep a distance from him. Cause his cute little mannerisms and the way he gets so engrossed in his storytelling made you fall for him even more. Face first to be exact.  

From time to time you would feel Yeonjun’s gaze linger on you. He’d ‘accidentally’ brush his arm against yours or he would touch your thigh, asking you to pass him another can of soda.

It was a lot, but you couldn’t say you hated it.

“It’s getting late” Taehyun says getting up. “We need to prepare for the party tonight”  

his statement earned hums, moans, and groans from everyone.  

“Whose party?” you asked.

“Johnny. That senior from the photography major” Yeonjun answered, looking at you with a hopeful expression. “You’re coming right?”  

You smiled at him, nodding your head. “Wouldn’t miss it.”

“Dude this is a disaster,” you say rummaging through your clothes while you were on Facetime with Mia. “I don’t have anything to wear”  

Mia rolled her eyes at you. “You trying to impress someone?” she said stuffing her face with seaweed chips.

You stare at her through the screen “Listen, you little shit. Just because you’re in a happy marriage doesn’t mean you get to be all sarcastic and judgy”  

She snorted “Marriage!? Oh please. You’re just trying to impress Yeonjun and that’s fine. Just wear something that covers the least amount of skin, he’ll like it.”  

“You’re a menace to society” you state, Mia shrugs at your choice of words and laughs. “But you’re right.” You give in grabbing a strappy lilac mini dress. “Then I guess this is contestant number one”

“Ooh, yes! Love that, wear that.” Mia enthusiastically exclaims giving you a thumbs up.

“Okay, that was a lot easier than I thought this was going to be, I’m gonna finish getting ready. You and Soobin are picking me up, right?” 

“Yes, we are. Be ready at 11.”  

“Alright, see you, bye”

“Bye.”

You throw your phone on your bed and hold the dress in front of your figure, looking at yourself in the mirror. You sigh, getting a rush of anxiety and butterflies in your stomach as you think of seeing Yeonjun again tonight. 

Let’s see where this goes. 

Chapter 2

[whentheynameyoujoy]

So the ATLA Movie Is... Good, Actually?

Just kidding, of course it’s not, it’s so bad it sucked the paint off my walls. But after ten years of people pointing out its glaring flaws, why would anyone bother talking about this garbage heap if not to go the other direction? So here’s a very brief and very superficial list of things the movie does get kinda... not atrociously wrong.

And they won’t be fake hipster pokes, like “It’s fun to laugh at”, “The Rifftrax for this is OK”, or “Kudos to the actress for managing to say we believe in our beliefs as much as they believe in theirs with a straight face”.

(though now that I mentioned it, it is fun to laugh at, the Rifftrax for this is OK, and massive props indeed.)

Rasta Iroh

Yes, I know it’s not exactly the aesthetic of the real Iroh or that it makes no cultural sense for him to sport this do when no one else in the racebended Indian “OMFG what were you thinking Shyamalan” Nation does but goddamn, long-haired dudes are my one mortal weakness and I will ogle the hell out of him.

Jesus is that a man bun I see that’s it mum I’ve been deaded

Yue’s hair

No.

Now we’re talking. Yue’s hair turned white when the Moon spirit gave her life, so it makes sense for it to go black again when she sacrifices herself to revive the koi fish. It’s a neat detail I find myself expecting whenever I rewatch the scene in the show. Yes, I realize it’d be a pointless hassle to animate since she, unlike in the movie, immediately goes on to become the Moon herself but still. I like.

The Blue Spirit’s mop

Zuko, hun, what’s with the dance-off?

First of all, I want to imagine that Zuko the Theatre Nerd was about to leave his ship with just the mask like in the show but then stuck his head into the cleaning cupboard and went, “Yeah, more coverage might be good, even though it do seem mighty fried to shit”.

Which makes me giggle. I like to giggle.

And secondly, the hair’s movement is what makes the static mess of the Blue Spirit’s solo fight scene appear at least bit more dynamic because God knows the cinematography isn’t doing it.

Any particular reason why it’s at the edge of the action, shot all boring-like?

Now, I get why circular shots would be reserved for Aang while he’s in the practice area and then used once the two join forces. What I don’t get is why Aang’s part of the action scene has a defined visual style while Zuko’s delegated to a few stationary wide shots from afar as though he’s a tertiary goon, meaning that when the time comes to combine the respective pieces of cinema language and visually convey collaboration, there’s not really much to combine.

But as long as Zuko is stuck in this static mess, it’s that awesome disaster on his head flopping about that draws the eye, helping me understand that something even is going on over there.

It also prevents me from paying much attention to how the extras are mostly just staying put and a lot of the hits don’t land, so that’s good.

The music slaps

James Newton Howard is too good for this.

Pls ignore that the word “gods” is used in the ATLA universe

I can’t be the only one who constantly uses this piece to daydream about writing specific fanfic scenes instead of, you know, actually sitting down and writing them. It’s just so good at communicating a sense of sorrow while speaking of rebirth that I find myself getting misty-eyed whenever I listen to it. Unfailingly, the soundtrack as a whole manages to break through the mile-thick crust of horrible acting, confusing writing, and uninspired cinematography and make me feel things. And considering how everything on screen is working against it, that’s no small feat.

Imagine what a powerful experience it would be if the score was used in service of an actual movie.

Dev Patel

No wonder since he’s the only one in the film occupying that crucial intersection between “is a good actor” and “was given something to work with”. It also doesn’t hurt that he breaks with the trend of actors starring in martial arts flicks despite never having done any martial art.

And all EIP-jokes about “stiff and humorless” aside, he’s a pretty decent Zuko considering how abridged this version of the character is. A while ago, I remember hearing a reviewer say that with his comedic chops, Patel should have been cast as Sokka. And on one hand, yes, god, absolutely, I need to see that asap. But on the other? He captures all layers of Book 1!Zuko, the desperate obsession, rage, and self-loathing, and at the same time gives you a peek at the soft momma’s boy dork that’s buried underneath. For Christ sakes, he exudes intensity and ambivalence even when acting against an emotionless hunk of wood that’s giving him nothing in return.

Oh, and I guess there’s a tree in the frame.

Ba dum tss

What can I say, the guy’s good.

Showing vs telling

OK, so this movie is all tell and no show, except for one single moment. And it’s the exact moment where the original goes in the other direction in terms of how information is conveyed.

See, I never liked this. The revelation is preceded by Iroh giving advice to Zuko who scolds him for nagging. Iroh then apologizes, moves in to say the line above, and is interrupted by Zuko who seems rather uncomfortable with Iroh laying his feelings out like this. And once they’re out, Zuko verbally confirms that he knew already and Iroh didn’t need to bother.

All this extraneous information and pussyfooting ends up weakening what should be a profound scene that reveals to us, the viewers, how deep the relationship between these two in fact runs.

Compare to the movie where Dadroh acts like a parent by fussing and worrying, with Sonion needing a single look to tell him and us that he understands what it’s all really about.

It’s genuinely efficient and just good.

No Cataang

Fine, a bit mean-girl bitchy from me since I only start minding the ship in Book 3. And probably unintentional on the part of the creators since there are moments where I think they’re trying to set the romance up? There’s a, well, an attempt to recreate the famous introductory shot of fateful meaningful destiny of meaningness, there’s some slight note of saving each other’s bacon going on, I’m pretty sure they’re the only ones in the film who smile, and oh, right, Katara’s shoved into her post-canon useless role where she doesn’t ever do anything, and is all about Aang right from the get go.

Yes, I will blame the “executive producers” because a) I’m incredibly petty, and b) it’s perfectly in line with their vision of the character so why the hell not.

Hilariously, none of it reads on screen because the actors are just... yeah. These poor kids are struggling so much with delivering their own lines and portraying their own characters they don’t seem to have any strength left to create something between them. To be fair, the bare-bones shot-reverse shot style of their scenes doesn’t exactly lend itself to the idea they occupy the same universe, let alone are friends or each other’s crushes.

And I enjoy this immensely because it allows me to forget the depressing horror show Katara’s life turns into post ATLA.

Yes Zutara

I need to delve into this because it’s fucking hilarious. So in a movie which fails to establish the original’s central romance so spectacularly that if Aang got lost in a crowd I don’t believe Katara would notice, SomEOnE thought it’d be a good idea to add an utterly unnecessary non-canon moment where Zuko for some reason feels the need to pause his character-defining hunt for the Avatar which otherwise has him ignore everything and snap at everyone, and explain his central conflict to an unconscious peasant he doesn’t know, complete with gently pushing the hair from the pretty girl’s the soulmate’s the Water Tribe Ambassador’s the Fire Lady’s the love of his life’s her face away, AFTER his uncle nagged him twice to find a girl and settle down.

I just wanted to make sure we’re all on the same page and this is what we really saw.

Celibate Avatars

I have no idea why the decision was made, if TPTB thought expecting viewers to understand the story through the lens of Buddhism would be too much, or if the “executive producers” already worked their retconny magic. What I do know, however, is that there’s a big shift in worldbuilding and Aang’s struggle with his role as the Avatar stops being a personal conflict defined by a) his grief for Air Nomads, b) his notion of being robbed of the loved ones in his life, and c) the selfish attachment to Katara he confuses with true love. Instead, what he has a difficulty to accept is apparently a general notion of who Avatars are supposed to be, i.e. a fantasy version of Catholic monks, no family and worldly relations, period.

I guess either someone understood the original’s portrayal of de/attachment as “hermit no freaky”, or thought the audience would so why not go there outright.

Now, do I like this on its own? No, God no, it makes the world infinitely poorer and changes the story from an exploration of ideas which aren’t all that ingrained in the West, to a cliché tropester about a Catholic priest going Protestant so that he could be with a girl.

At least I assume that’s where they were going to take this eventually.

I mean, I think the direction was “look conflicted, this isn’t the final stage of your journey”?

But consider this—the show went there, it built on the concepts of Eastern philosophy and touched upon the ideas of spiritual awakening, only to swerve in the end and strongly imply they’re bullshit and Aang should have never wasted his time with them.

So honestly, I much prefer scanty worldbuilding to an insulting retcon by a damn rock.

Multiracial Air Nomads

Probably the most substantial “no hint of irony” point on this list and a genuinely good addition to the universe’s worldbuilding.

See, the notion of the elemental nations being perfectly separate and never mingling before Sozin has always been sketchy but it’s especially ridiculous in the case of airbenders. It never made sense to me for all airbenders to be Air Nomads and for all Air Nomads to be monks and for all monks to be chilling at the temples all the time to facilitate a quick everyone-dies genocide should an imperialistic warlord ever decide to commit one.

Because committing everyone to a single way of life at a handful of places kinda goes against the central philosophy behind airbending. Like the freedom and nomadism part.

Instead, there should be more variety to the airbending culture, with some staying at the temples as monks, hermits, and teachers while others live as nomads, travelling the world and creating more airbenders, with the resulting children in turn being influenced by the non-airbending cultures they grew up in.

And thus, not only should airbenders not be modeled after a single culture to create a one-size-fits-all lifestyle, but they should have the most diverse and dynamic culture out of the four nations.

And it’d be precisely this diversity which would pave way for an eventual reveal that some of them survived, that their complete extermination is impossible.

Because they’re everywhere.

You know.

Like air.

[heyjude19-writing]

Im the list anon again and boy do I have more for you but this time I also have some questions as well if your time allows and you are willing to answer of course. First with the other things I loved:

1) the fact that Ron warmed up to Draco so quickly! I genuinely think thats so much in character. Ron is not a distrustful person and as a middle child as they come is very easygoing and would for sure make stupid jokes at Draco

2) The patronus. My god the Patronus. I seriously put the phone down and made a small slow clap during that chapter. At first I was like hmmmm *insert unsure kombucha girl face* because almost all fanfics have him with a dragon patronus and leave it at that (and lets be honest at this point my expectations of you were quite high dont blame me blame your bloody brilliant writing) but then, and I dont know if you did this on purpose or not (I have a feeling you did) but the fact that the dragon was the same (pale white) wounded but still feral dragon that Hermione FREEED (!) from a bank (£££) dungeon, malnourished and used for its nature, surrounded by darkness, wealth and misery!! And it was Hermione who broke its chains!!!!! Is just *chefs fucking kiss* slow clap*

3) the way you describe sex scenes are so natural! Ive never read a fanfic or book that doesnt make me gag a little bit (I am not a fan of smut at all but ill go with it because of a good story) until I read yours. Its so simple but yet intricate and you make the entire act so intriguing and normal and intimate. Bravo.

4) I LOVE SASHA. I love that Theo fell for her head over heels and the way you portrayd her reminded me of a friend of mine who works as a sous-chef in London so I always pictured her when reading it!

5) Dracos inner voice is ON POINT. Like I genuinely think you shoud own the rights to that character now.

6) Ill say it again. I love Ginny. You should also own the rights to her character too.

7) my interest for Quiddich (even when reading the books/wathcing the movies) was on par, if not lower than Hermiones. You managed to get me interested in that too so yes another slow clap to you

7.1) Also such a clever career for Draco!! Made si much sense!

Now to some questions

A) What was the deal with Malfoy referring to Ginny as Weasly and refusing to aknowledge her Potter surname. And why did everyone kept correcting him? It was hilarious granted but I wanted to know whether the reason you included this time and time again had to do wih something deeper? Or was this included as just a funny recurring joke?

B) Why did you choose for Draco to have a “fantasy” to produce a patronus and not for example for him to have had to do that after theyd exchanged “i love yous”. Very interesting angle and i liked that it was sort of a loophole to all the ‘death eaters cant have patronuses’ but quite curious on the thought process

C) Why did you opt for Draco to remove his mark? Do you think that stands as reward for him more or for Hermione? Very smart solution by the way

D) if you have the time- Could you please elaborate a tad more on what the soul-bonding means? Why was it so taboo? At furst hand it seems like a very romantic/amazing thing to do with your partner right?

Lastly- Do you ever itch to make a second part to this? And in the most acceptable case that you dont, I always wondered what you had in mind for them in the future- because of the soul bonding thing, you mentioned that the generational curses will be erased, which means I guess that the Malfoys can have more than one child now, and girls as well. (I cannot believe im asking for this as I am the one to avoid any pregnancy fanfics but) do you imagine them with children and if yes, how many? How do they integrate muggle devices(I know youd agree wit me that Hermione would definitively bring some muggle stuff over!) and which devices would Draco really secretly like?

Pleasewriteasecondpartwhereyouelaborateyourthoughtsonthisthankyou.

Ok rant done. :D

List anon! You’re back with another amazing ask. I’ll do my best!

1.) I like to think Ron matured a lot post-war (not enough to stop making terrible jokes, though.)

2.) Regarding your beautiful analysis of my specific dragon breed for Draco’s patronus: How many points would you like for your Hogwarts house of choice? I will add that according to Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, the Ironbelly’s scales are normally a metallic grey. I will also add that I subscribe more to book canon than movie canon. In the book version of events of the Gringotts escape, Harry breaks the chains and Hermione (with eventual help once the boys catch on) destroys the ceiling so it can have a way out. The partially blind dragon does the rest of the work on its own.

3.) Thank you, that’s very flattering.

4.) Does your friend also get you into fancy restaurants and can they make salted caramel bread pudding???

5.) Thank you, it was one of my favorite aspects of writing this story.

6.) Thank you, she’s so fun to write and flesh out from her book portrayal.

7.) Haha, I felt so validated by that line of dialogue in Cursed Child when Draco tells Harry he wanted to play quidditch professionally, but wasn’t good enough.

Now to some answers:

A.) It’s definitely a recurring joke. It’s up to the reader to interpret Draco’s actions here: is he doing it to be a massive troll? Or is he genuinely not retaining the information of her married name because he considers this fact so unimportant that he does not bother to keep it in his brain? Troll, snob, or both, you can decide!

B.) I’ll address the second part of this first, because it was not intended as a loophole. I 1000% do not understand the “death eaters can’t have patronuses” thing. It makes absolutely no sense. Snape has a Patronus. But beyond that… Umbridge has a Patronus (a cat). If we’re letting that woman have a Patronus, then yeah, I think Draco can cast one. As for the vision that Draco used to conjure it… up to you whether that’s a fantasy or a glimpse of a certain ritual actually working. Draco’s thoughts on the matter: “An image of such striking tangibility that he might have already lived it, or perhaps experienced time in such a way that he lived it now.”

C.) I wanted Draco to have a choice, obviously a recurring theme for him in RN. For my characterization of him, that symbol on his arm causes him nothing but shame and self-loathing (see the end of chapter 36 during his heart-to-heart with Hermione). He’d already exercised almost every known avenue to rid himself of it before Hermione entered his life (he lists these in chapter 44). Hermione already loved him (and has told him so) by the time she’s figured out how to remove it: “I love the man you are today and I will love that man tomorrow, bare forearm or not. I simply wanted you, for once, to have the choice. It’s your body.”

D.) Ooh anon, you are tempting me here. I really hate to be coy, but you might see some future writing on this very topic.

I can at least answer the taboo part: I think soul magic in general (horcruxes, the use of unicorn blood) is quite taboo in the HP universe. As no one knows what happens after death (not even ghosts, Nearly Headless Nick says as much when Harry asks him point-blank in OoTP) I think most magical folk would think the intense ritual (blending magical cores) an unnecessary thing anyway. As Draco explains in chapter 48, since no one actually knows the effects or if it works, it’s considered a bit over-the-top since it’s probably futile anyway. It is also not a Vow with a death component; Narcissa is obviously alive in this story even though Lucius is already dead. I wrote the generational curse protection theory in as a dig at Cursed Child for the way they handled Astoria’s character.

The idea of it I think is romantic, but I will stress it is very dependent upon the intent of the two participants. To quote Draco in chapter 48 again: “To twine one’s soul to another showed a willingness to not only physically tether one’s self during your time here on earth, but to commit to a blending of your magical cores, putting faith in your magic to recognize its bonded counterpart in another life. Should other lives even exist.”

If you re-read Draco’s experience during the bonding ceremony in chapter 51 (starting from this bit: “The cognizance of his own powers never felt sharper, more familiar, but suddenly another power pulsed within to join with his.”) you might find it bears a resemblance to the trajectory of their relationship.

Lastly- I’ve left Draco and Hermione to their wedded bliss. I’ve got nothing planned for them beyond where they are in the final lines of chapter 51. I don’t have that itch to write more into their future because it would feel forced. Draco laid out his two envisioned futures with Hermione in chapter 48 when they discuss having or not having children. They are happy and content in the life they chose together. That’s all I ever wanted for them.

You will see more from this story though. I have an entire series of one-shots and outtakes from the published Remain Nameless timeline that I’ll start posting soon.

Thank you so much list anon! These were fun to answer!

[crimefightingpigeons]

I’ve shared my head canon on how we go from Doomsday to Turn Left - your turn! What do you think happens??

ok so after some thinking I decided to take this chance to write my own fic in response... Here’s part 1 of 3(?)!

A Brief Guide to Love and Defending the Universe

1.

Rose stood on the beach, staring out into the distance. Funny how the world can be so calm at a moment like this, she thought. 

She couldn’t bear to leave. She knew it was impossible, knew it wasn’t going to happen, but there was that voice in the back of her mind telling her to wait. I’m coming to get you… No. Not to you… Always wait five and a half hours… I’ll see you later… She replayed his words over and over in her mind. There were so many times she had thought they would never see each other again, so many times he had promised he’d never leave her behind. So no, she couldn’t just go.

An hour passed. Two hours, four hours, seven hours passed. But nothing happened. With a deep breath Rose got up from the rock she had posted herself at, her legs wobbling as blood rushed back into them. She stood there for just a moment more, her last strand of hope fading away with the wind. Then she walked back to the car where her family had been waiting, defeat hanging heavily over her head.

  ---

The next day she went back to work. Torchwood. It had taken her a few weeks after arriving in this world to let herself even walk back into that building. And even then she hated it, blamed its existence for trapping her here. But she ached for the adventures and running and danger she had come to love so dearly, so eventually she gave in. She had become reckless, though, not caring if she left a mission alive or dead. It wasn’t until an intervention brought on by Jackie, Mickey, Pete, and Jake that Rose started pretending to put an effort into surviving.

  But beginning today that would different. As soon as she got to her office, Rose cancelled all her meetings and notified Jake and Mickey that she would be unavailable for any missions. Then, with a new determination about her, Rose went down to the archives grabbing every textbook, every video, every plan that might be important to her new project. She sat down and got to work.

Because, you see, the night before, she had a realization. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t possible—it didn’t matter if it couldn’t happen—she was going to get back to the Doctor and nothing was going to stop her. After all, how many times had he come back for her? How many times had he done the impossible for her? So this time she would do it for him.

Over the next few months, Rose hopped back and forth between working at Torchwood and researching at home. She had decided to keep her project a complete secret, even from her own family. As supportive as they had been, Rose wasn’t entirely sure how they would respond to her new hobby. Everyone was trying so desperately to get her to move forward with her life, she could only imagine what they would think of (what they would undoubtedly call) this new setback. And while they all wondered where her newfound genuine care for survival at Torchwood was coming from, no one dared question her about it.

Eventually, though, this project was becoming harder to keep under wraps. Her room was filling up with boxes of research that had to be carefully snuck in and out. And Jackie was becoming overbearing, nearly barging into her room on several occasions. So Rose decided to move out to her own flat. Amid piles of unpacked boxes, Rose set up her work areas. And with the additional space and privacy, she began to expand past the research phase with the help of some stolen (and jiggey pokery’d) Torchwood tech. But after half a year of working on her own, she was only running out of ideas, running out of hope. Until…

Rose was working at home one night, as she always did, when Mickey decided to make a surprise appearance. 

“Rose, I know you prolly just wanna spend another night locked in on your own, but I was thinking—” he had started before catching a guilty looking Rose surrounded by a massive clutter of work. The bag of take-out he had brought along dropped to the floor.

“Mickey, it’s— I can explain…” Rose tried, but she was too exhausted to come up with an actual excuse and just let the words hang.

It didn’t take long (if any time at all) for Mickey to put the pieces together. He glanced back at Rose and then did something she absolutely wasn’t expecting.

“What can I do to help?”

From that moment on, they became unstoppable. Mickey’s technological expertise revived the project, and furthermore his support seemed to breathe life back into Rose. For the first time since she had gotten trapped in this world, part of her felt like she was returning back to normal.

It took a while, but finally they found their first tear in the universe. After months of searching, it had just appeared almost out of nowhere. It was tiny and not big enough to fit anything more than a few atoms through it, but it was there nonetheless. That night, the pair celebrated with a bottle of wine and Rose’s first honest to god smile in close to a year.

A few weeks later, another crack appeared. A day later, another one. And a few days later, their scanners picked up two more. They were all still tiny, nonthreatening—and not useful. But there was something odd about it all. After so much time of absolutely nothing, where were all of these cracks coming from? They both felt that gut instinct kick in that something wasn’t right, and after a night of weighing their options they made a decision. It was time to take this to Torchwood.

“So basically, we’ve been working on this project… trying to find new tears in the universe… but lately we’ve been coming across some interesting findings...” Rose sputtered out to the Torchwood board. She wasn’t sure why Mickey had been so insistent on her giving this presentation. Even though she’d been in this world an entire year (all the while proving her worth and always supported by Pete himself), Rose still hadn’t been given a particularly warm welcome. And right now, with eight pairs of judgmental eyes staring at her, that was being made perfectly obvious.

Over the next few hours, there wasn’t a single opinion that wasn’t voiced.

“We have far more important matters to be concerning ourselves with!”

“Wouldn’t it be more harmful to tamper with these cracks than to leave them be? I mean look, they’re tiny! Harmless!”

“Can’t we all be honest about what this whole thing is really about?”

“Can we really trust…” Whenever someone tried to finish that sentence, though, Mickey would stop them in their tracks with a firm glare.

Then it was time to come to a vote, to which the board gave a resounding (and, to Rose, unsurprising) unanimous no. Finally at this, Mickey asked Rose to leave the room. Ten minutes later, he stepped out with a full grin saying he managed to change all of their minds. Rose asked and would always wonder exactly how he did it, but he’d never tell her. 

Within another month, they had a proper team and lab set up. And as reluctant and untrusting as the board had been in the beginning, they were quickly changing their tune. With their now infinitely stronger equipment and top notch resources, everyone was quickly learning the problem at hand had turned from a potentially bad mystery to a quite literally earth shattering dilemma. 

Because those things Rose and Mickey thought were just tiny little cracks in their universe leading to the void? Oh they were so much worse. They were just a few of the million billion holes scattered all throughout their universe, each one bleeding into its own distinct parallel world. There was no more void, no more Hell. Just every universe in existence crashing in on one another.

For the second time in her life, Rose Tyler realized she was witnessing the end of the world.

[ellana-ravenwood]

Professor Wayne 4/4 - Bruce Wayne x Reader

Well, here we finally are. This series is FINALLY over ^^'. Damn, I never expected my intended one shot to become..This. Anyway I hope you will like it, as usual feedbacks and reblogs are more than welcome : 

FINISHED SERES : PART 1, PART 2, PART 2.5, PART 3. 

My masterlist blog : @ella-ravenwood-archives

__________________________________________________

                                                  ******

Your head hurts like hell, and you want to curl up in a ball and call for your mommy. But you don’t move. And you don’t say a thing.

And your mom has been long gone. Plus, she wasn’t one to console you when you felt bad anyway. 

You don’t move, and you don’t open your eyes because you know. 

You know that once you truly wake up, then he’ll start to do whatever he has planned for you, right ?

If you just stay there, in that position, you should be fine for now. Up until you can think of a plan or something. And so, even though you’re sore and your entire body is screaming for you to do something, you don’t utter a move. 

Because he won’t do anything if he thinks you’re unconscious, right ?

You studied this kind of psychos enough to know that they don’t get anything out of hurting  someone who isn’t truly aware of what is happening. So you keep your eyes tightly close, and you do your best to not move or make a sound.

But then…then you hear something. A noise you can’t quite identify. What is it ? And where does it come from exactly ? You have no idea. But you’re certain it’s not him. You don’t know why, but you feel it in your guts. 

It’s not him. 

Him.

John « The Joker » Doe.

Most prolific and terrifying serial killer in Gotham City. 

You used to have nightmares, as a child, thinking about him. He was one of the reason you wanted to become a profiler in the first place. He plagued your dreams for so long, you wanted to fight your fear by becoming the only thing that truly could come after men like this. Something Bruce could always get behind, and that attracted him greatly to you. Turning your fears into strength had always been one of your greatest quality. 

Doe has been in prison for years, and you wonder for a second how the hell did he got out ?! Especially given the prison he was in. 

The worst one in the country. Even more, he was held in the psych ward, which was the most protected part of it. 

Arkham truly was a terrible place. You went to “visit it” a few times to meet the psychologists working there, as they were working with people you were studying (maniacs and other psychopaths). And each time you sat foot in that building, you felt uneasy and wanted to leave at once.

How the hell did he got out of that hell house ?

As your fogged mind wanders off instead of focusing on a way to get out of this mess, your thoughts slowly drift to Bruce. 

Of course, this terrible situation you’re in would make you think of why you started to study to  become a profiler. 

The Joker was one reason, Bruce Wayne was the other.

Bruce was the one to put the Joker behind bars. 

The psycho had a strong obssession with him and it’s what ultimately got him in prison. But also what got Bruce out of the job, made him stop being a police officer and become a criminology professor instead. 

Joker stabbed him an insane amount of time. Making him rethink his entire life.  

You saw the scars on his body. 

Stab wounds you caressed many times, making him hold his breath in. 

He told you more than once, that nobody before you ever touched them in that way. Not even Selina. 

On the contrary, she usually avoided touching them, even if they covered a good part of his chest. You understood her though, when he got hurt and nearly died, they were together. And you couldn’t even imagine living this kind of thing…Your boyfriend almost dying and having to be reminded of that and the emotions you felt whenever you looked at his faded wounds.  

You’re not sure you’d touch them either, if you were her. But you weren’t. You didn’t even know him when he got stabbed. Hell, you were probably in middle school or something, trying to avoid school bullies and already thinking you’d become a cop one day, to stop this kind of idiots.

And you liked, carressing his scars. They were part of him. They were what turned him into a professor. What moulded a big part of his personality now. 

He told you two major things happened and changed his life radically. His parents’ death, and the Joker almost killing him. You definitely understood that. There’s things in life that can truly shape who you are.

Bruce. 

Bruce who caught the Joker, at the detriment of his own safety. 

Bruce. Bruce. What would Bruce do ? 

Your mind was slowly clearing up, as the effect of the ether Joker used to knock you out was finally fully withdrawing. 

Jesus, what were you thinking, getting lost into your thoughts about why you wanted to be a profiler ? And about Bruce’s scars ? Sure it had something to do with your current situation but geez, get a grip will ya ?! Your were in dire straits ! You ARE in dire straits !

You want to shake your head, as it always helped you regain your senses but…Your first instinct was the right one. Not moving. Just in case the Joker is here, observing you. Staying still means he can’t do much, since he’ll think you’re unconscious. 

Of course this trick won’t work for long, but for now it’ll save you some time to think about a way to get out of here. Or at least, to save even more time, in the hope that Bruce will show up.

Because you just know Bruce will come. 

After all, the Joker kidnapped you to lure him out right ? Wait…OH GOD ! Bruce was going to come ! That was bad ! Now that you knew why he « broke up » with you, to protect you and all, you couldn’t pretend to ignore your feelings anymore. Couldn’t pretend you hated him, or didn’t care for him much. 

You were still in love with him, of course you were ! And now you were a liability ! You were going to become the reason why his life was about to be in danger, and…oh god, last time he barely survived. Now, when the Joker has YOU in captivity you’re one more problem to think about and…

But the sound you heard earlier resonates again, taking you out of the massive freak out you were starting to have.

Again, you’re not quite sure what that it is, and so you ignore it once more, keeping still, eyes close. You really have to think about a way to…

But then you hear that same noise again, and your brain finally identify it. And this time you’re certain of what it is, and it freezes your blood in your veins. At the same time, it boils it.

It’s a weak sob.

A child’s sob.

Your eyes shoot open instantly, a motherly instinct awakening deep within you, making you forget that this is maybe a trick from the Joker !

But no. No it’s no trick.

The Joker is nowhere in sight and right there, in the corner of the room you’re in, curled in a little ball, lays the tiniest and cutest boy you’ve ever seen.

He couldn’t be more than 7 or 8 years old, and the poor thing was crying quietly and…you instantly forgot the awful situation you were in. Sitting up with difficulty, as your hands were tied in your back, you call out to him :

“Hey there.”

He screams out of surprise, and turns to you. 

And the fear in his eyes ? It makes you so angry. 

All of a sudden, the Joker doesn’t scare you anymore. In fact, you suddenly want to see him and bash his head in…granted, it would be difficult, given the fact that you’re hands are tied up in your back and such. 

But still, it makes you irationally angry, to see this scared little boy. Even more so since he has bruises on his face. What kind of monster hits such a cute little thing ?! Well, the answer is obvious. 

Gotham’s worst nighmare. John « The Joker » Doe.

The boy retreats even further in the room’s corner, and then he curls back in a ball again, and turns his back to you. And you suddenly have flashbacks of your own childhood, after your parents’ passed away and you found yourself all alone in an orphanage without anyone to take care of you. 

You try to crawl to him, feeling the strong need inside you to try and comfort him, but lose your balance and…fall face first. 

“OUTCH !”

Damn it, without hands to catch yourself, it really goddamn hurt ! Now, there’s the pounding in your head from being knocked out with ether by the Joker, but also the sharp sting of your face violently encountering the concrete floor. 

Fuck. 

You’re pretty sure you’re bleeding from your nose right now. Or your forehead ? Probably both. And you don’t even have the strength (or will really) to move. Well, you’re pretty sure this was the worst day of your life as of now so…

“Are you-are you ok ?”

A sweet little voice ask you shyly, and as you roll on your back with difficulty, you realize the boy walked on all fours to you, and is now sitting by your side.

He sniffles, and dries his tears with his sleeve, giving you a concerned look and…How much cuter this kid can be ? He looks genuinely worried for you, while you’re clearly a stranger, and he’s in such a dangerous place. 

Brave little bugger. 

You feel it in your guts, that kid went through a lot already and yet, yet here he is, worried you hurt yourself. Albeit he’s still a little wary and keeps his distance with you. Smart kid too. 

“You’re-You’re not with him, are you ?”

You know he’s talking about the Joker, and you say, disgust in your voice at the mere idea that the boy would think you’re with that psycho :

“I most definietly am not...”

There’s a moment of silence, and you can see that he’s studying you carefully, trying to figure out wether you’re one of the good guys or not. But as his eyes fall on your hands tied in your back, on the bruises on your face and arms…It seems he makes up his mind that you are, as he sniffles cutely once more, and reaches in his pocket for a handkerchief. 

And then he gets closer to you, slowly, carefully, ready to bolt if you make a sudden move. And when he finally reaches you, he hesitates a few seconds before delicately starting to dab his handkerchief on the wound you have on your forehead.

He doesn’t say anything, but he’s clearly focused on his task. And despite the awful situation, you have to smile lowly as he carefully gets the blood off of you. 

You have a sudden flashback of Bruce doing the same thing a few months back, and your heart squeezes in pain. Where was he now ? You surely hoped he was NOT gonna barge in head first, and confront the Joker. 

That asshole clearly had a plan, kidnapping you. The kid too, he had to have something to do with everything, though you weren’t sure what. 

You knew Bruce was coming, because it was clear to you now that he cared very much about you. That he was only trying to protect you by being so cruel…Stupid plan really, haven’t he seen any movies ? 

That old “I’m leaving you so you’ll be safe” trope never works. It always ends up in whoever is left being in danger BECAUSE she/he was left. 

But still, the fact he wanted to protect you makes you feel a bit better about this entire situation. If only you knew this was what he was trying to do BEFORE you got kidnapped, things could have gone so differently. 

The little one is done taking care of your wound now, and he sits back on his heels, kneeled in front of you, and gives you a shy unsure look. 

It breaks your heart. 

“Thank you.” 

You say in the sweetest most calming voice you can muster, and he almost smiles. Almost. 

“You’re welcome.”

You’re about to ask what his name is when a deep sorrow overtakes his eyes, and, in a small voice, on the verge of tears, he says :

“Did the bad man kill your mommy and daddy too ?”

You’re pretty sure you can hear your heart slowly tearing in two, as you look at that poor little boy starting to cry again and, you want to reach for him so bad, so so bad, but your hands are tied up and...You take a deep breath. 

In this kind of situation, staying calm was the key. You studied many cases of people able to escape a terrible fate by being smart and keeping their cool. 

And now, your life wasn’t the only one on the line anymore. That poor little kid was in grave danger too, and this motherly instinct in you ? It made you want to fight to  death to help him out. 

You’ve always wanted to join the police forces. You came from a poor neighboorhood so you witnessed first hand how bad it could get. You’ve always wanted to protect people. 

 And that scared child in front of you ? He reminded you a lot of yourself when you were about his age, and…Yes. You have to keep calm. For his sake. Nothing good will come of you breaking down too. 

Deep breath in. 

Deep breath out. 

And you ask :

“What’s your name ?”

Of course the poor boy doesn’t answer right away, the memory of his loss rushing back to his mind. 

The surprise of seeing someone else in that awful room took those thoughts away for a bit, but now he was thinking about it again and…and…his mom and dad…

You wait patiently, though you know you don’t have much time before the Joker will surely come back. But you don’t rush him, you know he’ll be able to get it out. You witnessed first hand how courageous that little one was already, so you just wait. And sure enough, inbetween sniffles, he says :

“Dick. My name is Dick. Grayson.” 

************

Bruce’s mind was running a thousand miles per hour.

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. 

He was so sure he protected you when he broke up with you ! 

Oh but how stupid could he be ? Why did he rush to your appartment when he thought you might be in danger ? You couldn’t be in danger, the Joker thought you were nothing to him ; why would he bother ? If there was ONE thing Bruce knew about that psychopath, is that he never wasted time on what he thought was useless. 

Plus, it was sure that if he did know anything, and got a hold of you, he would have immediately informed Bruce. Before he could reach your apartment. 

So why did he rush in like that ?! When he knew deep down you were probably fine ?! Bruce didn’t think, and now you were in danger.

It seemed that Bruce could never quite think properly, when you were around.

You had this incredible soothing effect on him, and yet constantly made him feel like his head was going to explode. It was a complete paradox, he was well aware of that fact. But that was the only way he could sum up what you made him feel. 

Since day one, and against his better judgement, he knew you were special and couldn’t help trying to know you more. 

First of all, you were one of the best student he ever had, if not the best. You were passionate about the thing you did, and always had a smart come back. You had a knack to find the right words to use to make your essays both entertaining and to the point, yet full of every informations needed. 

And second, you understood him more than anyone he knew. More than Alfred himself. It seemed like he never really had to tell you what was on his mind for you to know. And for the first time since his parents died, it was easy to talk about himself and his feelings. 

And yet…yet sometimes he just lost all his capacity to think just because you smiled at him, or something that silly. You flustered him, and God he couldn’t remember who was the last person that made him blush like that ? Just by looking at him ?

So when he thought you were in danger, his brain didn’t quite do the math that it was probably another problem than the Joker, and he rushed to you like an idiot. 

Because, and he realized it now too late, he was so deep in love with you that he lost all reason when something was about you. 

He knew that if it was anybody else, he would have thought things through. Think about every possibility. Send someone to check on you, or call you hiding his number (as he knew you would never have answered him, not after what he did) or anything…But he would certainly never have left in the middle of class like he did, and ran to your apartment. De facto, leading the Joker right to you.

Thinking about it now, as he drove way over the speed limit to his destination, leaving you was probably the worst idea he ever had. Only now did it occur to him that keeping you close would have been the best solution. 

That making sure you were always in his sight was really the only way to protect you. It would have been easy too, since you spend most of your time at college, and then when you weren’t there you were usually with him. 

He realized now, cursing at himself in his mind, that acting as if you were nothing to him was idiotic. It could have been a good plan. If only he had been able to control himself. To think. But oh, oh he should’ve known since the beginning that this plan was doomed from the start. 

Because of course he’d freak out if you missed even just one day of class, thinking about the Joker. And of course this would make matters worst. Ah why, why didn’t he just tell you ? 

Instead, he hurt you. He broke your heart. Something he never wanted to do, which is why he tried to stay away from you (albeit failing miserably) in the first place. But he rationalized this decision by thinking you’d forgive him once he’ll tell you why he did it and once the Joker would be behind bars again. 

And even after taking this hurtful precaution, you were still in danger.

He knew that the Joker would come back to haunt him at some point. So why did he take stupid decisions after stupid decisions ?

Well, not all were as dumb as letting you go. 

For example, sending Selina to the West Coast was a good idea. Joker didn’t have any connection there, as he always operated in New Jersey and around that state. So it would make it virtually impossible for him to get to her. Plus, there was no way he could take a train or a plane, given how known by the authorities he was. If he wanted to go to her, he’d have to somehow drive across the counrty, which would allow Bruce enough time to find him again. 

The Joker killed mainly in Gotham and around, but was known in the entire country as his crime were truly horrific…and rather recent, no doubts there would be sighting of hima long the way. 

Plus Bruce was pretty sure that, unfortunately, John Doe wouldn’t be able to go across the country without murdering a few people along the way, which would warn him that he was tracking Selina. Yes, sending her away there was perfect. 

And secretly getting Alfred to Metropolis to stay at Clark’s house was a good move too. The Joker would never think of looking that close from home, plus, the fact that his adopted father was with someone like the famous reporter Clark Kent made it pretty sure that he would stay safe. Hiding in plain sight. 

Those two were the only people that truly counted for Bruce, and the only ones he knew Joker would go for. A man like him would never kidnap a mere acquaintance, a work colleague or a “friend” but not “close”, ya know ? Of course he wouldn’t. He’d go for the closest people to Bruce’s heart. So sending them where he send them was a good move.

But deciding to cut all contact with you because the Joker never saw you before, and because anyway your relationship was pretty much a secret ? 

That was dumb. He should’ve kept you close. He should’ve told you so you could stay alert. Instead, he thought that you’d be safest away from him, safest staying in the dark so Joker wouldn’t have any suspicion and…

Well, here we are.

Him driving to that god awful disinfect factory that used to be Joker’s lair, hoping to God that he’d find a way to save you. 

Because there was no doubt in Bruce’s mind, the Joker had EVERY intention to kill you. In front of him, to add to the drama. 

Bruce, and though he hated to admit it, was probably the person who knew John Doe the best. They played such a twisted game for MONTHS, years ago, when he was still a detective and Joker was Gotham’s worst nightmare. 

They came to know how each of their mind worked. And Bruce hated the fact that he fell right back into his claw, delivering to him the only person that could bring him back into that game…You.

Joker seemed to know perfectly well that to get Bruce back on his tail, he needed something big. That just starting to kill again wasn’t enough. Because he knew that sure, Bruce would help…but he wouldn’t be the one to go on the field. The one to actually run after him. 

He’d give every clue to some other detective and they’d be the one eventually picking him up and honestly, where was the fun in that ?

Bruce knew that the Joker wanted him. And that he probably planned this for a very very long time. And oh Bruce was so mad at himself for dragging you into this ! If only, if only he had kept his cool ! Didn’t rush to your apartment ! Then the Joker’s plan, whatever it was, wouldn’t have gone how he wanted to. 

As soon as Bruce received that text, “come and get her”, with a picture of you being hurt...He knew what the Joker wanted. To take everything from him again, in the hope to make him go back into “the game”. Make him return to being a detective, and chasing him. In John Doe’s mind, no one was worthy to go after him but Bruce Wayne. 

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

He just got played like a fiddle, falling right into his trap ! But what else could he do now ? This was between him and the Joker. And God he had to stop thinking about losing you and come up with a plan ! 

For now, his mind was trying to get back into gear. He had to, if he wanted to save you ! He knew he couldn’t just barge in like that, of course. The Joker would kill you before he could do anything. Well, not before playing around a little with him, and threatening you, hurtting you in front of him…Everything, everything to drive Bruce to the edge. 

Bruce had to come up with a plan, and as he parked in front of the factory, he finally managed to put thoughts of you aside to start to think of a way to get you out of there safe and sound.

************

“Ok Dick I-I know this hurts. I do. But right now, you and I, we have to be strong, ok ? We’ll be able to cry and be scared later, when our lives will be saved.”

That boy was stronger than any men you ever met. You were certain of it now, as you saw him try to hold his tears in and turn his eyes to you, ready to listen. 

It was difficult, to ignore the deep sorrow in his eyes, and how that cute little kid’s heart had been broken and probably would never be mended back together...How could it ? If you understood thing swell, that fucking Joker killed his parents right in front of him. How could you come back from such a trauma ? And yet..

Yet there was something else in that child’s eyes, that made you think that maybe, just maybe, with enough love and attention, he could sort of heal. Not completely, that was impossible. But he could become again the cheerful child you were sure he used to be. 

For now though, you pushed those thoughts away as you tried to straighten up as best you could. 

“Dickie, listen to me ok ? The bad man will come back, and I can’t do anything if I’m tied up. Do you think you could help me ?”

A little smile creeps its way on his face, and the boy says : 

“I-The magician in the circus my parents worked at ? He showed me tricks with knots and all. I think I can help.” 

“Aaah, clever one. Ok let’s try, alright ?” 

He nods and you turn around. He starts to take care of the rope but a yelp of pain from you stops him. 

Jesus those ropes were so tight, you didn’t notice up until now how painful it was. How much it constricted your blood flow. 

“I’m sorry !” 

He says, taking his hands away from the rope, but you’re fast to reassure him : 

“No no no, it’s ok. I’m just a little sore. Come on, go on. Don’t worry about it.” 

************

It only takes a few minutes for Dick to make quick work of the rope, and you’re finally free. The boy looks critically at the fallen rope and says : 

“Amateur work really. He didn’t tie it that much, it’s as if he wanted you to try and escape !”

Wait. Does he ? Connections are quickly made in your brain, and many scenarios of what Joker’s possible plans could be are running through your mind. But what if he wants you to escape ? Why ?  

If you play right in his game, then you both don’t have much chance of surviving. You have to make sure what his plan is before doing anything. And so you ask Dick : 

“This is going to be difficult to talk about, I know but...I need to-I need to know how you ended up here ?”

You can see him almost choke again, but this time he holds his tears back and doesn’t cry. 

Such a brave little bugger. 

And then he starts talking, once he’s sure his voice won’t shake too much : 

“My parents are circus performers ! I perform with them too. We’re acrobats. We were coming home from Gotham’s circus, do you know it ?” 

You nod. Yes. Yes you know it. You spend many of a time, during your childhood, dreaming of being a performer there and forgetting all your worries. It was a circus that always changed its number, and that wasn’t nomad. You loved it. Dick continues : 

“Well we were walking home. And we took the artists exit you know, at the back of the building, it comes out into an alleyway. And then...Then the bad man came to my parents, and threatened them with a gun. My parents tried to give him everything they had, but...He shot them anyway. He shot them for no reason. And then he took me. And he brought me here.” 

Your blood was boiling, as you slowly understood what the Joker was trying to do. As you were massaging your wrists to try to get them to work properly again, you continued to listen to the boy : 

“I’m not sure how long I’ve been here. Maybe a month ? Or two ? Every day he comes and give me one meal. Sometimes he hits me if I “don’t look sad enough”. He also keeps calling me “Bruce”, and say he gets me.” 

A month or two ? Right when Bruce broke up with you. Yes. Suspicion confirmed. The Joker used that boy to recreate Bruce’s trauma...but to what end ? You were thinking about it when...

“What the...” 

A voice makes both of you jump, as the door to the room you were both locked in opened violently, and the Joker appears. Well, one thing was sure, you escaping was NOT part of his plan, given the shocked look on his face. I guess he was just bad at tying knots. 

Without thinking much about it, you jumped up on your feet, the adrenaline making you forget how sore your body felt mere seconds before, and you rush towards him. And for one of the first time in his life, the man is so shocked that he doesn’t react fast enough. 

You body slam him, but in his fall he drags you with him, and you both fall on the floor pretty heavily. The Joker is a methodical man, a quick to react one. He regains his senses fast. 

He grabs a knife that was at his waist, and jams it in your thigh. The pain is so grand, that for a few fraction of a second, you don’t feel anything...until it hits you all at once and you scream. 

You also loose all the extra strength adrenaline gave you and the Joker takes advantage of this to roll on you and stuck you under him. A creepy smile from ear to ear, he looks at you with sparks in his eyes and say : 

“Oh, well I definitely get what he sees in you. You are perfect. The perfect bait.” 

But the psychopath forgot a vital piece of the puzzle...Little, brave Dick Grayson. The boy jumps on the man’s back without a second of hesitation, and starts to pull his hair aggressively, scratching and biting erratically making it very hard for the Joker to grab him. 

For a few second, he thinks about just killing the kid. Oh but it would ruin his plan wouldn’t it ? And so he settles to just knock him out, that’d be fine. He finally manages to grab one of the boy’s leg, and throws him on the floor, knocking him out instantly. 

“DON’T TOUCH HIM !”

In the meantime, you had gone back up on your feet and was ready to fight. And when he throw the kid on the ground ? You saw red. There was no doubt in your mind you could win this fight, even as he had a knife. 

After all, you trained enough at school and in self-defense classes. In the streets too, as you grew up in a tough neighborhood. The only reason he was able to overpower you in the first place was because your body was weaker than usual, but also because you had to act fast and didn’t make the best decision fight wise. And you...You freeze. 

He has a gun. Of course he does. And he’s pointing it at Dick. 

“I admire your courage, but you make one more move, and I blow his brain out.” 

************

Bruce finally came up with a plan. He wasn’t sure if it was the best one, but it was all he got for the moment. 

The factory, he knew, only had one entrance. And going through a window would be too obvious. He came to just feel it in his guts that if he went in from anywhere else but the main, only entrance...The Joker would just instantly kill you, as he would consider him cheating. 

And he hated, cheaters. 

So Bruce resolved to go in through the main door. 

Outside the factory, he took a few minutes to think. To regain his senses. To try and forget about you, try to think of you as a random citizen...And it worked. For a few minutes he forgot about his love for you, and how worried he was. How impulsive it made him. 

And he came up with a plan, after understanding what the Joker was trying to do. It didn’t take a genius, really, to understand it...Nope. 

All it took, was someone like Bruce, who knew the Joker better than anyone else.

Unfortunately, the opposite was true too. 

************

Joker became obsessed with Bruce when he was the only one that seemed to be able to track him down. Until then, nobody was able to even get a hint of who or where this guy was ! 

And here came that young detective who had caught so many of his « colleagues », and in a matter of a few weeks he was already very close to catching him ! How could he not become obsessed ? 

And excited. 

The Joker killed for months (and years before that, according to him, but people no one cared about…hookers, homeless people, those who had nobody to report their disappearance). 

He seemed unstopable. People in Gotham became even more scared and weary of each others. The other criminals took advantage of this heavy atmosphere to do their worst each day...

And here came that beam of light, Detective Bruce Wayne, who was tailing him closely. Killing became even more exciting, knowing now that he might get caught ! And it ultimately ended in a face to face in his headquarter, with him ending behind bars, and Bruce ending in a hospital bed…

The Joker was devastated when he learned Bruce retired from being a detective and became a professor. And that’s when he started to make a plan to get out of prison…He had to bring his favorite toy back in.

Especially because it was an unfinished game. It was supposed to be over when one of them was dead ! That’s how games end ! 

How frustrating, to go through all those trouble. To settle such a perfect entertainment, only for it to finish that blandly. One player in prison for the rest of his life, the other one becoming...a teacher. 

Outrageous. 

And so John “The Joker” Doe had to come up with a plan to finally finish the game. At first, he wanted to kidnap Bruce’s adopted father, but he was nowhere to be found. Then he settled for his lover but...well, he realized there was a better prize than Selina Kyle. 

Yes. Yes there was better. 

You. The woman Bruce Wayne was actually in love with. 

And oh the man almost lead him astray, making him think you were just a little toy of his ! It made sense at the time. You were his student. A man like Bruce couldn’t seriously date one of his student right ? It wasn’t in his principles. He was a serious man who had a set of rules he never transgressed. Dating one of his student was out of the question, even someone like Joker could see and understand this. It was unethical. 

And yet. Yet as John witnessed him rush to your apartment when he thought something happened to you...Well, he had to admit that maybe Bruce didn’t always follow his own rule. Maybe you were the exception that confirmed it. And for sure, his old rival had very strong feelings for you. 

After all, he left in the middle of a class to see if you were alright. He broke your heart, something Joker knew was very unlike Bruce Wayne, just to make him think there was nothing between you two. He was genuinely scared for your safety...

Oh yes. Yes. John didn’t know much about love, he never quite felt him himself. But he could recognize nonetheless. And what he saw in Bruce’s eyes as he rushed to you ? Oh it was definitely that. A deep and stupid love, that made him act like an idiot. 

That made him break his own rule. 

Which was exactly what the Joker was looking for. Someone that could make the great Bruce Wayne break his own rules. 

Someone...Someone that could convince him to kill. 

************

And here you were, tied up again. 

To a chair this time. Joker just took a picture of you earlier, and you were pretty sure he send it to Bruce. And now, that asshole was calmly pacing in the giant main factory room, waiting for him. 

Dick was also tied to a chair, but still unconscious. The Joker goddamn duct tape his head to the seat, so it would look like the boy was sitting normally. What a fucking psycho ! 

You found a little solace though, in seeing the little boy’s chest rising up and down regularly. He didn’t seem to be in any danger right now, just very knocked out. 

At least, whatever Joker had in mind, the little one wouldn’t witness it. 

You were trying to figure out what was Joker’s end goal when...

The door of the factory opened, and Bruce carefully walked in, hands in the air. 

“No. No no no NO ! What are you doing here Bruce ? What are you doing ?!” 

You heard yourself exclaim, unable to stop yourself. Bruce turned to you, and gave you a genuine smile. He winked and mouthed the words “trust me”, before walking further into the room and stopping a few meters from you and the Joker. 

He gave a quick glance to the unconscious boy, and then to you, before focusing once again on his enemy. 

“Well, finally our guest of honor is here. The show can start !”

************

Bruce never felt so sick before in his life. And this was all his fault. All his. 

The scream of the boy, echoing his when he was a child. 

And the two shots fired quickly, consecutively. A surprised gasp later, and both of the parents were dead. For no reasons. Just like that. Three lives ruined.

The kid looking up, tears in his eyes. But hatred too. Hatred towards the one who just murdered the two people he loved the most in the World. 

And then a laugh. An inhuman laugh in the face of such a horrible thing. And the Joker running towards the camera that recorded it all, and saying : 

“Well now THAT, was a mighty performance. Maybe better than the original, uh Bruce ?” 

And then it cuts to black. And you and Bruce are left with nothing but horror, and sadness. You both look at the still unconscious kid, and then back at the TV that only shows statics now, as the video is over. 

Bruce’s heart stops beating for a while, as he looks at the poor boy. And he’s glad that the kid is unconscious...because what would he tell him if he wasn’t ? This was his fault. His. He was the reason the Joker killed his parents.

And then...Then you turn towards the Joker, and you’re both utterly disgusted to witness how excited he is. How he stands there, proud, and expectant. He jumps up and down on his spot, utterly thrilled. Pleased with himself. 

Neither you nor Bruce say anything, still in shock of what you just witnessed. But finally, unable to wait any longer, the Joker burst into a delighted laughter before saying : 

“I had to film it. To keep it real you know ? I wanted to do it here at first, in front of ya, but then I realized it wouldn’t quite work, because they’d know what’s going to happen right ? But when it happened to you, it was a surprise. It had to stay a surprised. So I settled a camera, and filmed it. I’m pretty proud of myself. It’s my very first movie. I think I shall take a camera with me now, whenever I go out. So people can see my art, you know ?”

He takes a thoughtful pose, and you can’t help but wonder how the Hell such a monster exist ? What made him that way ? Your classes about profiling all come back at once, but you can’t find an answer. 

The Joker truly was something else. Deserving his own category. He presses the gun on your temple a bit more, and turns back to Bruce before adding :  

“Now that. The boy ? It’s just a bonus. For you. A gift, if ya will. To get you into the mood. You see, I figured that witnessing the same kind of trauma you went through would help a lot, in achieving my goal.” 

Bruce’s jaw was on the brink of breaking, as he tightened it to the max, trying to control his anger. And his guilt. 

“I figured, knowing that you were the reason that poor boy went through exactly the same thing than you would be a good start.” 

“Don’t listen to him Bruce, it’s not your fault ! He’s the one that killed those poor pe-” 

You start, but never finish, as the Joker hits you hard with the back of his gun. And Bruce takes a step towards you. But the Joker has his guns back on your temple. 

“Tuh tuh tuh Brucie. Don’t take another step or that pretty little brain you like so much will have to be scraped off of the floor. So. What was I saying ? Oh yes, little Bruce Jr here was a...mis-en-bouche, if you will. Now to the main course.” 

There’s a heavy silence, and the Joker just smiles at Bruce. And Bruce is utterly disgusted to find that the smile the psycho is giving him is tender. Almost loving. It makes him feel sick. 

“I couldn’t find dear old Alfred, by the way. Send him away did ya ? Neither could I find Selina anywhere...Good call really. I mean, I would have found them at some point, we both know it. But it would have been disappointing in the end, right ? Cause this one is definitely a more important prize huh ?” 

He elbows you harshly in the guts, and the air is knocked out of your lungs. You cough a few times, as Bruce take one more step towards the Joker, his arms falling at his sides, and his hands balling into fists. 

The Joker smiles cruelly, and continues : 

“Given your reaction...Yes. Yes my choice was right. She’s definitely the one.“

But Joker’s smile quickly turned into a frown. Why wasn’t Bruce reacting more than that ? Why wasn’t he saying anything ? This was no fun if he stayed passive ! Ah. Maybe he needed a little more convincing ? 

And so the Joker turns to you, and grabs your hair...Before head butting you hard in the face, making you yelp in pain. And then he digs his finger into your knife wound in your thigh, and twist...And though you try to not scream, it hurts too much. 

Your pained voice pierces Bruce’s ears, and he can’t take any of it anymore. His voice booms in the factory : 

“ENOUGH ! Leave her alone ! And get to the point already. Tell me what you want. Stop beating around the bushes, the game have been dragging on for far too long. For years, in fact, and I’m tired of it. Time to play your final cards. So get on with it already.” 

Ah. Ah clever man. The Joker smiled again, as he was utterly charmed by Bruce’s choice of words. That man was always the best to find a way to talk to him, to speak his langage. 

“Ok. Ok I get it. It is time to end our game, isn’t it ? To end the one we started so long ago...Well. I will not beat around the bushes further then. And here we go. The reason I brought the boy and recreated your trauma and induce your anger. And the reason I got her...It’s simple really.” 

Bruce already knows what he’s about to say, but he doesn’t spoil the Joker’s fun. It could go very wrong, if he does that. So he listens on : 

“I’m afraid, mister Wayne...That you’ll have to kill me if you want her to survive.” 

So this was it. This was what all of this was about. 

Bruce killing him. 

Ah. But of course. 

Many years ago, when the Joker stabbed him over and over again, he kept repeating “kill me, kill me now if you want to survive and to end it all”. But no matter how awful that man was, Bruce couldn’t resolve to kill him. 

When he joined the police forces, he made himself a promise to never kill anyone, at the cost of his own life if need be. His colleagues constantly made fun of him for it, as it didn’t make sense to them. 

But Bruce...Bruce had his reasons. One of them being his parents’ murder. If he killed, even just once, Bruce would feel closer to that monster. He would be no better. And though for most it didn’t make any sense and was illogical...To Bruce, it was a question of sanity. 

His parents’ killer took away his faith in people. And it’s only after years and years of Alfred loving him, taking care of him. And of witnessing that there was also good in this World, that Bruce was able to slowly heal. Not completely, but enough to live properly. 

Enough so that when true happiness came knocking at his door, he answered and wasn’t afraid to let it in. When you came in his life, and though he should have done it...he didn’t push you away.  

So killing someone ? It would bring him back to square one. And this time, he was pretty sure there wouldn’t be enough Alfred in the world to help him heal.

So even though he joined the police forces, he swore he would never kill anyone. He would always find a way, at the detriment of his own life. 

This was his rule. His one big rule. 

And Joker knew about it. He read about it in the paper. And when they finally came face to face ? He tried to force him to kill him, but failed. 

The Joker, when he discovered Bruce Wayne, lost all the fun he used to have killing people. It used to be his favorite thing, torture and murder. But then that guy came in, and managed to discover his plans BEFORE he would make them and...it became more exciting than the killing. 

Was he gonna catch him ? Was he not ? 

And then when he read about that young detective refusing to kill...His new obsession was to force him to. To drive him over the edge. Which is why he escaped. If Bruce had stayed a detective, maybe he would have just stayed in his cell, catatonic. Ignoring the world, as he finally got caught...

But Bruce quit, and with it, his chances of ever killing someone. The game wasn’t over. And the Joker had to do something about it. 

It took years of preparation to escape this hell hole. But he did. And...

Here. 

They. 

Were. 

“It’s quite simple, right ? You just...Have to shoot me. And she’ll be safe. And I won’t hurt anyone anymore.”  

The Joker was clearly enjoying himself, as he continued :

“You know me the best Bruce. It’s only fair that you’re the one that finally kills me ! That catches me for good !” 

To add to everything, the Joker hits you once more, and you slowly loose consciousness, not being able to take much more of it. You want to tell Bruce not to do it. You know about his rules, about what it’d do to his mind if he killed anyone. And you didn’t want that to happen. 

But you’re too weak to say anything, and the Joker keeps going :

“Oh but I know you very well too, don’t I ? I know you’re currently trying to find another option. To think that there’s a way to save her. Because you don’t want to kill me. I know you, I know why. I know you. But here’s the thing, Bruce. You know me too. And if you don’t kill me, then she dies. Simple. Right ? Oh but you won’t do it, because you still hope for a better outcome, one where we all survive uh ?” 

There’s another silence, as Joker presses his gun hard against your temple and look at Bruce with the face of an utter madman. An utter madman who is sure he won, who is sure the chase is back on.  

But then...Then Bruce smiles, and it takes the Joker aback. 

“You know me, huh ? Well. I guess not that much, in the end.” 

Everything goes so fast, and yet your entire world is slowing down. Bruce takes a gun out of his belt, and aims at the Joker faster than you ever saw someone aim. And the Joker ? 

Well...Well he’s completely shocked. So much in fact, as he never expected this outcome, that he doesn’t even think about pulling the trigger and killing you. Instead, he just looks dumbly at Bruce taking his gun out and...

In the end, it’s good that Dick is unconscious. It’ll avoid further trauma, of witnessing someone else die in front of him. No matter how vile that someone was. 

One shot this time. Just one. Right into the brain. 

And the sound of a body hitting the floor. 

“If it’s between the life of someone I love, and killing someone ? I will never hesitate.” 

And here was Joker’s fatal mistake. 

He never took into account that Bruce’s rule about no killing, was at the detriment of HIS OWN life. That he never took a partner on purpose. That whenever he refused to kill, he only jeopardized his own life. 

The Joker thought he knew Bruce Wayne. Thought he knew the reason why the man would never kill anyone...but he forgot one important thing. 

Love. 

Love is what always drove Bruce forward. 

What made him want to become a cop, and make a better world. What made him decide to train future generations of cop and become a professor, further bettering said World. 

Love. 

And if it was between saving what he loves the most and killing ? Then he would do it. Because it wasn’t about saving his own life. It was about saving an innocent one, from a psychopath like the Joker. 

If Bruce had been alone with Joker, faced with the dilemma of either dying or killing...The he would have most likely died. But when the Joker decided to bring you in ? He signed his death warrant right there. 

Bruce had a strict “no killing” rule on the job. But this ? This wasn’t the job. 

If it was between saving someone good, and killing a bad person ? Well, he pulled the trigger without thinking much about it. 

In the end, the Joker didn’t know him at all. He never even thought about the possibility that Bruce valued love above anything else. Never even thought this situation wasn’t the same than the one years ago, when he was stabbing him and yet Bruce didn’t do anything to kill him, instead just neutralized him. 

In the end, Joker never realized what truly drove Bruce forward. 

There, faced with the Joker holding a gun against your temple, Bruce knew there was no other way. It was either letting him kill you, or killing him. And he did not hesitate. 

There was no third solution this time. And Bruce didn’t care. Because if it meant saving you...if it meant saving you then he would get rid this Earth of a killer, even if it meant he became a killer in turn. 

But here, as the Joker’s body hit the floor and Bruce let go of his gun...He felt strangely at peace. He didn’t feel that dread, that despair he thought he would feel. That feeling of being closer to his parents’ killer because he just did the same thing than him...

Because in the end ? He didn’t just murder a good person, a random person. He killed someone to save someone else’s life. He killed the evilest man he ever met, to save his love. 

And it didn’t feel as bad as he thought it would. 

Of course, he knew it was because he just killed the man that was Gotham’s biggest nightmare, a man that killed hundreds of innocents. And that was about to kill you, too. 

In any other circumstances, Bruce wouldn’t have killed the Joker. He would have captured him again, and try and make sure he would never escape again. To be honest, he would have probably gone back to being a detective...

But because Joker threatened you, because he hurt an innocent boy like that little unconscious one right there, because...because killing him meant finally making things right...It didn’t feel bad. 

He wouldn’t say that he was glad he just killed someone. 

But it wasn’t making him disgusted in himself. It wasn’t throwing him back into that dark pit he was in after his parents’ murder. It wasn’t...It wasn’t changing him. 

He was still Bruce. 

He was still himself. 

Because the reason he did it was to save you. The love of his life. 

The love of his life ? 

As he thought that, walking towards you to swiftly untie you...It became clear to him. 

Of course. 

The love of his life. 

He laid you down on the floor, saying : 

“I’ll be right back, I’m gonna take care of the kid.” 

You nodded weakly, finally letting go after hours and hours of fear and pain. You were safe now that he was here. 

Bruce untied Dick too, and caught him delicately in his arms, before going back to you. He kept the boy tight against his chest, not quite sure why but...he felt the need to protect him now. 

The kid didn’t seem to have very bad injuries, but he was definitely knocked the fuck out. You sat up, and just fell into his arms too. 

And for a few minutes, Bruce just stayed there, holding both you and the child against him, tightly, not letting go. Having no intention to ever let go. 

You barely register the cop pouring in in the factory at some point. Bruce probably called them before coming, knowing his plans was the only one that could work. 

You loose consciousness as you’re carried into an ambulance, Bruce following. Dick is laid next to you in another bed. 

And the last thing you see, is Bruce’s face running his hand in your hair and saying that “everything was alright now”, that it was “all over, forever”. And the last thing you hear, before finally falling asleep, is him saying : “I love you”. 

************

It was the day of your graduation, and you couldn’t fucking believe this was all finally over. In a few months, after settling a few things down, you’d start your job as a trainee-profiler at the GCPD. It was very rare, to have such a position right out of school ! 

I guess it helped, to date an ex-detective. Well, it also helped to be very talented in your area, and to graduate top of your class. 

But also, to date an ex-detective. 

Oh yes, because by now, and after the very public second catch of the Joker (the rumors of his escape leaked, and it was soon enough that the journalists discovered that Bruce was once again the one that caught him...For good this time. And therefor found out about your involvement in the matter.), everybody knew you two were a thing. And unlike what you or Bruce thought...it was accepted almost immediately by everyone. 

The dean of the school wasn’t particularly happy that one of his teacher was sleeping with a student...But hey, at least this affair wasn’t as bad as some other. At least you were both serious about each others.

The only ones that were sour about it really, were all of those who had a massive crush on Professor Wayne. Now that he was dating someone like you, they definitely had NO chance whatsoever. Such a shame.

And the general public ? Well they couldn’t really care less, if you were teacher/student. All they gained from the story was that Bruce Wayne was Gotham’s hero again, and that it was very romantic that he saved his girlfriend. Plus they were all over the fact that you ended up adopting that poor little kid the Joker made an orphan of...

Ah, talking about Dick. Right now, he was the one giving you all the courage in the World, as your name just got called and you had to walk up the stage to fetch your diploma. So stressful ! But the boy yelling : 

“YEAH MOM GOOOO ! YEAAAAH !! YOU’RE AWESOME !! HEY THAT’S MY MOM ! THAT’S MY MOM WALKING ON THE STAGE !!” 

At the top of his lungs made you chuckle, and relaxed you in a way that only your young son could. 

You go up the stage, and take your diploma. Shake the hand of the headmaster,  move the little thingy from one side of your cap to the other, and then go down. As you do so, you look at the crowds, and spot them. 

You were only hearing your son cheering you on at first, but now...Now you see him. He’s sitting on his father’s shoulders, applauding you and waving excitedly towards you. 

You wave back, smiling, and happier than you ever thought possible. 

Bruce smiles at you, of this fond and tender smile he only ever gave you or his son. He’s holding onto his boy’s thighs as the boy, too excited for you, wiggles way too much and almost falls at his every moves. 

Oh man. What a few wild years it has been. 

After Bruce got rid of the Joker permanently, you and him got back together. Of course you would, you were made for each others, it would have been stupid to not get back together. 

You did scold him a lot about how he was being stupid, thinking you were better off without him...And you made him promise to never leave like that again. He agreed. In fact, he agreed so much that in the spur of the moment, he asked you to marry him. 

It caught you very much off guard. But little Dickie was in the room too at that moment and his little “say yes !” brought you back to your senses. 

Of course you said yes, even though you’d technically been together for only six months. Because in your mind ? There was no doubt he was the one. 

You did planned the wedding for only AFTER you graduated though. You were too busy otherwise. Even more so since you were a mom, now. 

It just seemed natural for Bruce, to adopt the kid. To give Dick a new home. At first, Bruce felt so guilty and sad and...But the young boy made it clear that he was not mad at him. 

That he didn’t consider him to be at fault. That it was all the Joker, and his twisted view of the World. Such an intelligent and compassionate kid, for his age ! Ah but you knew it since the first time you saw him ! 

Over the months, Dick truly opened up to you and Bruce, and did became the cheerful little one you knew he used to be. Of course, there was still moments he missed his parents...but you and Bruce gave him all the love and attention he needed, and helped him slowly healed. 

Just like Alfred helped Bruce heal all those years ago. 

Yes. So many things happened in the past few years. Balancing being a mom and a student in such a difficult field as yours was difficult at times...But thanks god, Bruce was there to support you too. 

You helped each others perfectly, being utterly complementary. Besides, in emergencies, there was always Mister Pennyworth to save the day ! 

You stopped taking Bruce’s class though. Not because people were talking about how he was going easier on you than any other students (everyone noticed anyway...I mean, that room was full of people who were to become detectives and whatnot, of course they picked up on things). Or because it was unethical to date your teacher. Nope. 

It was because neither you nor Bruce could quite focus, when you were both in the same room. Dick said that you were both too “grossly in love” for that. So you dropped out of his class, taking another criminology one. 

Your new teacher was less entertaining and not as good, but it was fine as you had private lesson back at home. Private lessons than more often than not ended up being very VERY “private”. 

Yeah. Here, standing with your peers as you finally graduated, looking at your new family...You couldn’t help but reflect on those past few years. 

There was some hardship, of course. You and Bruce sometimes fight (over the silliest things) like every couple, and Dick wasn’t always an easy kid (he could have huge sprout of anger). But you’ve never been happier. 

And now, as you were about to take another step in your life, you couldn’t help but think that wow, you did came a long way, since that time you fantasized about your criminology teacher...

************

It was your first day at work and you were both excited and nervous. Bruce was already at work, and Dick was at school. But both of them left sweet post-its all around the house telling you you were totally gonna rock today ! 

How sweet. And how silly it was, to be that pumped up by little post-it notes ! But it was too cute, the thought of your husband and son spending the early hours of the day writing you loving notes just made your day.

You exited the new house you and Bruce just bought, in the outskirt of Gotham (a neighborhood that was much calmer crime was, and good to raise children), and went to your car when...

“What the Hell ?!”  

You couldn’t believe your eyes. What ? WHAT ?! 

“Hey what are you doing ?!” 

Before he can run off, you grab him by the collar and he fights back for a bit. 

“Calm down, Jesus calm down. I’m not about to hurt you or anything. But I don’t know how to change a tyre so like, can you please put them back ?” 

The drive way to your house was out of sight from the street, which you guessed is why he chose your car...

He. 

A little boy, who couldn’t be more than eight, and yet that definitely expertly took all your tyres off of you car and that was about to run off with them one by one if you hadn’t caught him ! 

He’s surprised that you’re not screaming at him or threatening to call the police, and so he stops struggling. You take a quick look at him and..Yup. Definitely a street child. Like there’s unfortunately many in Gotham. He’s much too dirty to have a home... 

“What’s your name ?” 

He looks warily at you, and you add : 

“Again, I’m not gonna hurt you or anything. I just want to know your name, and for you to put the tyres back. I’m awful at manual things.” 

He doesn’t answer for a few more seconds, before saying : 

“Jason. My name is Jason. Todd.” 

You have a sudden flashback to that day you met Dick, in that godawful place when you got kidnapped by the Joker. There was something in that kid’s eyes, that reminded you of your son. And the way he gave you his name...

An odd feeling was growing in your heart, a strange unstoppable feeling. 

“Well, Jason Todd. Are you hungry ? I was about to grab some breakfast, if you wanna join me ?” 

The same feeling you had, when you met Dick. A motherly instinct overtaking everything else. 

He looks at you curiously. And you can tell you’re the first person in a long time that paid attention to that kid. There’s such sadness deep behind his eyes...And you know. 

You know that this boy too, will join your little family. And that you’ll do everything in your power to fix him too. 

But for now, not wanting to freak him out, treating him to a good breakfast was going to be enough. 

The End.

_________________________________

Not gonna lie, finishing this series was a struggle. Mainly because I didn’t want to disappoint, so whenever I started to write I kept erasing everything thinking it was awful so...yeah. Anyway I hope it did not disappoint to much. And...I think I’m gonna stop writing series and stick to one shots haha. Anyway. As usual, feedbacks = life, and reblogs are always beyond appreciated <3. 

[space-malex]

I’m about to get a tiny bit ranty so please bear with me.

I don’t know how to react when people act like they would be OK with it if Michael and Alex don’t end up together. I genuinely don’t. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around the very concept. Ftr I mean people who ship malex, not the handful of people who don’t for whatever reason. I’ve never heard one person say that about Max and Liz. Everyone takes it as a given that they will end up together, because of course they will. But Michael and Alex are the equivalent of Max and Liz on the show, they just happen to be two men instead of a man and a woman. But they are a God-tier OTP ship just like echo. They are given the same amount of weight, they are given the same amount of depth, they are given the same amount of passion and development, and the love between them is real and true and cosmic.

I think that there is a contingent of people out there that feel as though they would have to support whatever ship Michael specifically ends up in because if they don’t they’re being unsupportive to bisexual rep. There are so many things that are wrong with that, but leaving aside Michael’s sexuality for a moment: Alex is the love of his life. Alex happens to be a man. And that’s OK, just like if the love of Michael’s life was a woman, that would also be OK. Either situation, he is still bisexual, right? But in this particular case, with this particular show, it’s been shown very clearly to be Alex. And that’s where I get confused. When the show makes it really obvious that two characters are meant to be together, it’s normal to question why people act OK if they don’t end up together. Who doesn’t want a happy ending for a meant to be ship? Isn’t that a normal thing to desire?

I understand that Michael is bisexual and not gay. This isn’t about his sexual validity. This is about malex. Because as I just explained, it’s that kind of ship. And because everyone out there who has looked at the television landscape, both past and present, understands how often we see same gender ships not end up together. Either one of them dies, or leaves in some way, or love just isn’t enough. It’s something that queer audiences have almost come to expect, as much as it hurts us every time that it happens. To look at a couple that you care about and have to deeply sigh and say “there goes another one”. The heartbreak, and the pain, and the shitty fucking message that we are sent. We aren’t meant to have happy endings. We don’t get that reward. We don’t get that satisfaction. This is a message very specifically sent to mlm/wlw couples. And if we do get those things, our relationships will exist in the background. We don’t get real development or drama or the same kind of focus as the straight couples.

In many ways, malex is an anomaly to the norm. It is

1) a same gender ship

2) between two lead characters

3) where one is bi and one is gay

4) on a drama show

5) on a mainstream network

6) where each individual half of the ship is deeply developed on their own

7) as well as their relationship being deeply developed

8) and where they have the same kind of care and focus put into their relationship that the straight main relationship does

9) including blatant mirroring/parallels between the two couples

10) and the ship is literally cosmic soul mates

And you still have people who are going out of their way to argue validity of other ships. You guys- sexuality is not shipping, and not all ships are created equal. The girl I slept with on NYE when I was 20 isn’t the same as the guy I loved for 2 years. And the few guys I had flings with in my mid 20s wasn’t the same as the woman I then fell in love with afterward. Trying to place these relationships on a level playing field because you think it’s biphobic not to shows so little understanding of sexuality versus individual relationships and as a bi person the whole thing makes me want to massively face palm.

Do I ship malex? Yes. Do I think they’ll end up together? Yes. Would I be upset if they don’t? YES. Because they deserve to. After all they’ve been through. Being deeply in love for over a decade. Going through individual abuse that still messes with them. Experiencing violent homophobia together. Trying so hard even when they mess up. Tell me- if a same-gender ship on that kind of level still can’t “work out” in the end, what kind of message are we continuing to send to people who get told this every day? That they can’t have their happy ending? That they don’t deserve it? That love is only enough for either straight people or m/f couples? That it doesn’t matter if they get their happily ever after together because they’re valid either way?

For me, personally, that’s not a message I wanna see anymore. Let amazing mlm/wlw couples end up together and happy and thriving. Because I’m both tired and angry as fuck.

[thegeminisage]

i’m gonna liveblog my rewatch of 2.08 because i can

it’s stupid long so here’s the cut

just to give you an idea of how fast this switch flipped for me at the start of this episode when uther is like “u will find no one who embodies nobleness better than my son arthur” i went “PFFFFFT” & had a good chortle

i have a lot to say about this duel challenge sequence. 1. why are strangers always coming in and tossing their glove on the floor. everyone in that room is armed. just take them out! 2. arthur picks up the glove first this time, unlike 1.03. guess he can learn after all 3. he does it BEFORE SEEING HER FACE god classic he’s so fucking stupid

everyone getting their panties in a twist over having to fight a WOMAN when in reality she goes on to kick his ass is like...both tiresome & hilarious

i used to really be on the fence about the Vibe between merlin & arthur because while they seemed quite happy to die for one another from the get-go most of the time arthur is just being MEAN and merlin isn’t as mean back and it’s like :/ ok i don’t get what everyone else is so heart-eyes over. but in 2.08 they do a lot of confiding in one another and just general talking about plot-stuff where arthur’s insults are...not absent, but kept to a minimum, and idk it’s nice! it’s nice. less like arthur is a massive bully and more like they’re Companions. i’m not hopeful about it lasting bc this show doesn’t know the meaning of the words “consist continuity” but it was reeeeeaally good here

arthur’s face when he lost to a G I R L and uther just walked out with no comment. even back when i still hated him i was like “ouch”

that being said it was a welcome change of pace to see merlin giving ARTHUR shit for once. finally

upon morgause and morgana’s first meeting when morgause says “i hope you will remember me fondly” i went “WOW THAT’S GAY” because i didn’t KNOW and cathy told me later she had to put her head in her hands for five whole minutes. don’t shoot me i’m just the messenger they’re the ones who wrote it that way

my favorite thing about morgause is that i couldn’t immediately figure her out. i’m in the habit of throwing out guesses about future plot points for fun, because i’m a writer and that’s how i deconstruct things, and since this show was kind of meant to be kid-friendly i’m usually right. but as far as morgause went...i didn’t have a clue. i had NO IDEA this whole ep would be like this

i’ve said this before (not on this blog tho) but arthur is like...really eager to die. i keep joking that he has a death wish but upon further reflection i don’t think he’s actively seeking to end his life as much as he would be relieved to die for something noble like honor or whatever because then he would have...done it right, if that makes any sense, and wouldn’t have to worry about screwing it up anymore. he doesn’t want to die but he craves a good death. to prove to his dad and himself that he’s made of the right stuff?? i’m not being very clear. this concept requires more thought

it’s REALLY a lot for me that uther would rather throw arthur in his own chambers than have him find out about ygraine. yyyyikes

merlin sneaking in that rope was so cute. he finally got the group’s communal braincell for a few minutes

on the other hand after the troll episodes i am SO tired of dung being played for laughs. i really suffered

also man i’m so glad morgana finally got some sleep it’s what she deserves

this Dead Parent talk really mcmurdered me. both merlin and arthur lost a parent when they were very young & they now cannot remember said parent and we HAVE THAT IN COMMON so every single word they said was like an arrow straight to my heart!!!!!!! like as good as the ending to this episode was (and OH it was good OHHHHH it was GOOD) i think this right here is what truly softened me up towards arthur. this is relatability, this is emotional vulnerability, this is a genuine human connection made between EQUALS and frankly it’s exactly what i’ve been wanting from these guys for a season and a half. their willingness to die for each other is good stuff to be sure but it’s EMPTY without some meat to back it up & we’re finally getting what we deserve

“i’d do anything for even the vaguest memory” like they didn’t have to go that hard & read me for filth like that but they did. they did. arthur. babe. my guy.

almost every time someone comes in to speak with uther he’s eating and he has like an entire mini-banquet in front of him even though he’s all by himself. like, an entire plate of grapes, a whole-ass chicken, an intact loaf of bread, a bowl FILLED with whole uncut apples...wtf??

“what would YOU know about magic, merlin?” “nothing ;)” i did have a good chortle truly

i’ve already made my points about arthur and a good death but MAN he was hasty to put his head on that chopping block for no good fucking reason at all. holy shit. him casually doing that swing-thing he does with his sword to the axe ahead of time really adds a lot to this entire thing and also aged me ten years

when arthur was like “what if my father’s attitude towards magic is wrong” and “surely not everyone who practices magic can be evil” i gasped so fucking loud. so fucking loud

and the worst part is you can practically feel merlin’s heartbeat pick up. just LOOK at his “wtf am i hearing is this for real could my dreams actually come true” face. but at the same time, he’s got to be the one with a healthy suspicion here because arthur is in over his head. so he STILL can’t trust it. and then naturally it goes to hell so quickly that the chance for merlin to confide in arthur is lost. i can’t believe this took 4 irl years and five seasons. watching this live must have been like TORTURE. i’m practically bingeing it and i’m still suffering deeply

it’s very odd to me that arthur specifically said his mother died before he opened his eyes but the first thing ygraine says to him is that she remembers him staring up at her. to me that’s an obvious clue that she’s a fake, and the cutaway during that line to merlin’s face tells me he had the same suspicion (and that he’s kind of horrified by it)

ARTHUR FEELS SO GUILTY FOR HER DYING AND I’M ALSO DYING AND SLDFKMGHLSKDFJH

i know for a fact that ygraine’s telling of these events is slightly altered from the truth too...there’s no way that uther would have been so overcome with grief that he went on to commit genocide if he knew beforehand that his wife would die and was willing to sacrifice her

on the other hand, there’s also a cutaway to morgause’s face during this speech in which she looks surprised or confused at what ygraine says, which doesn’t add up if she was pulling these strings, so...What Is The Truth

not to be like this but merlin bearing witness to this whole series of events is like...there’s some things that once you go through them with somebody things between you change and there’s a new intimacy there...i don’t expect much from a show that likes to return to the status quo but in my heart it’s how i feel

OH BOY HERE WE GO. arthur arrives in camelot and pulls his sword out as soon as he leaves his horse leaving a visibly spooked merlin behind him this is the STUFF

“arthur was born of magic” is really a hell of a line because even though i already knew this backstory i hadn’t stopped to consider it like that...no, magic is not a crucial part of arthur’s identity and how he views himself the way it is for merlin and morgana, but it’s still a part of his history and what made him who he is, that made him alive and different from other people. his hatred and fear of it becomes so much more tragic in that light. i think also there was such a clear line drown before between people who are magic and people who are not and for me, mentally, arthur kind of...swapped sides, or is at least straddling the border

merlin’s absolute FURY at uther’s hypocrisy is like...........fucking. another thing i wanted to see for a season and a half. imo there’s not nearly enough meat to the fact that merlin is magic and ultimately serves uther who is trying to decimate him and his kind - has actually SAVED UTHER'S LIFE on MULTIPLE occasions. this is the first time this show actually went “hey uther is responsible for the deaths of hundreds of people and that’s really not at all ok” and i am SO into it. like, no, he’s not misguided. he’s not “just grieving.” he’s a murderer. he’s responsible for genocide.

the final 9 minutes of this episode feature arthur pendragon being absolutely FURIOUS. he’s LIVID. he’s PISSED. and i love it more than anything else this show has done so far

i genuinely, truly believed he didn’t have this in him. never in my WILDEST DREAMS could i have imagined arthur doing this. i had written it off as the stuff of fanfics. but holy shit my man snapped

HE👏DID👏THAT👏

reasons i did not see this coming at all even a little: 1. i figured there was no way arthur would get over his anti-magic thing until near the end (i know it must come back later, but STILL) 2. i did not believe for one second he could ever seriously stand up to his father for more than a few minutes at a time 3. most of what’s making arthur so goddamn pissed is that he thinks his dad killed his mom on purpose but he’s also showing a fair amount of horror at the fact that uther hunted down and killed everyone even remotely associated with sorcery like animals. do you know what that is? does anybody else understand the enormity of this? HE IS SHOWING EMPATHY. i DID NOT believe he was capable of it.

i do feel a way about how uther started this scene from a place of cool confidence - he was handing out orders, “leave us and no one comes in,” manipulating the situation, “she was lying to you, magic users are trying to destroy us,” and finally trying to close the door on the topic and reassert control, “i am your kind and your father and you will SHOW ME SOME RESPECT” - and arthur was not only having none of it (the way his eyes narrowed as uther’s casual “she was lying”...oh boy) he TURNED THE TABLES and had uther ON THE DEFENSIVE. the number of times we’ve seen uther shut other people down and get his way because he’s king and everyone is afraid of him and this time uther was the one who afraid LITERALLY for his life. HOW’S THAT TASTE BITCH god it was SO satisfying. like, there’s one shot where arthur is walking slowly towards him after all his verbal tactics have failed to de-escalate the situation and he’s in the backround with his eyes so fucking wide and he looks TERRIFIED. i LOVE IT

“you are my son. you would not strike an unarmed man.” “i no longer consider myself your son” AND HE STRIKES HIM

HE👏

DID👏

THAT👏

when i say that i LITERALLY screamed i am not at all exaggerating or using hyperbole. cathy asked twice if i needed to pause & collect myself. i could not have paused if my life depended on it

i’m really on the fence about merlin stopping arthur. on the one hand, arthur has suffered enough and doesn’t need to suffer more by having to carry the guilt or dadmurder. under the other, uther is a monster and needs to die, and the entire world would be better off without him

like...arthur’s face when he says “you have caused so much suffering and pain”...he really finally got it. for one beautiful brilliant moment he understood

i am NOT on the fence about merlin lying to arthur. that was the wrong way to do it. arthur 6000% deserves to know the truth and that’s only gonna come back and bite them later i’m sure (unless it never comes back at all in which case i’ll be pissed)

i’m not sure that arthur would have backed off if they had told the truth and said “uther didn’t realize your mom was gonna die so really that part wasn’t his fault”...he was really mad! but he might’ve. lying was not the way to go. i’m so angry at literally everyone in that scene for allowing arthur to walk away believing he was wrong. he was so full of conviction and he was about to do a really good thing - not good for him personally, but good for the world - and everyone he trusts lied to his face in order to maintain the status quo and not have to deal with anything ugly. i HATE it. i’m team arthur now. i’m in the arthur defense squad. all those dumb liars aren’t good enough to be his friends!!!!!!

like, even his dad’s words were sooo carefully chosen to avoid lying but also avoid telling the whole truth. even in that moment when arthur was laying it all bare and they could have made some sort of progress as character and as people. we had to go BACK TO THE STATUS QUO

Once Again Arthurs Heart Is Hardened To Magic i hate it thanks

honestly look uther telling arthur that he’s a trusted ally in the fight against magic should make him feel a lot more distressed than what we got. i mean i’m sure he’s glad his cover is safe but he should realize that if uther approves he’s doing something wrong

furthermore, uther hasn’t changed a bit. he says he came to thank merlin and that merlin is a loyal servant and trusted ally, but then threatens his life before he leaves. honestly we should have just let arthur stab him

i do appreciate them making a point of mentioning that merlin was tempted to let uther die and that it would have been better for him if uther HAD died and he only did what he did to protect arthur but like...there were ways to do that that didn’t involve lying i think. this is an optimistic show most of the time. it wouldn’t have messed with my suspension of disbelief if arthur had dropped the sword knowing the real whole truth! but no, The Status Quo

i don’t know if i will still love arthur so much in the coming episodes.................we’ll see. i’m kind of nervous because i don’t know how they’re ever going to top this. i think we peaked right here and it’ll never be this good for me again

[hymn2000]

Hope I’ve Got Something To Lose - MCU AU fanfic - C12

Story overview: Peter has an accident, and Tony makes a drastic decision. In the midst of everything, a face from the past reappears - but Peter isn’t too sure about reconnecting after everything that’s happened.

Previous chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9  10  11

Part of my irondad and spiderson series.

Warnings/themes: injury, hospital stuff, hurt/comfort, mental health stuff, family stuff, corporal punishment, friendship

You can also find me on AO3

Chapter 12 - Playground

-

Liz soon grew comfortable around Flo. Peter obviously thought a lot of her, and she could see why. Flo was obviously very posh, but she wasn’t at all snobby. Liz had worried at first that she might be a bit high and mighty and look down her nose at her, so it was a nice surprise finding that she was so genuinely nice and easy to get along with.

They spent such long time talking, it felt as though the three of them had been friends forever. After a while, they decided they should get up and do something, and the pool sounded like the perfect option, so they went off to find the grown-ups so Peter could ask for permission.

-

They found Loki and Tony in the second sitting room, cuddled up close on the love seat, arms round each other, kissing deeply. Peter rolled his eyes, gestured to the girls to keep quiet, and then jumped at his parents, forcing himself between them and making them break apart.

Tony just laughed. “What are you doing, chick?”

“Interrupting, what does it look like?”

Loki laughed too, pulling the boy onto his lap and squeezing him tight, kissing him hard on the cheek.

“You just want a bit of attention, don’t you, sweetie?”

Peter grinned up at him. Tony joined in the hug, kissing his other cheek.

Liz couldn’t help staring at them, a hot feeling in her chest. She’d seen the way Loki and Tony had kissed, and she saw the way they were looking at each other. She watched them as they hugged Peter and laughed with him, and she saw the way Peter cuddled up to them and acted like a silly kid. They looked so happy together, and everything seemed to make so much more sense now.

Flo saw the way Liz was looking at them, and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

“Anyway, I take it you had a reason for coming in here, other than to interrupt us” Tony said. “Is everything ok?”

Peter nodded, looking over at the girls. “We were just getting a bit bored, I think. Can we go down to the pool?”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Tony said, glancing at Loki. “You’re still pretty cut up under your shirt, and still pretty weak into the bargain too”

“If you think you’re up to it, I don’t mind” Loki said slowly. “But behave yourself, and go gentle. No rough play”

Peter nodded. “So... Is that a yes?”

Tony nodded. “Sure, that’s a yes. But be good, and don’t get silly”

-

It wasn’t till they were back in Peter’s room that Liz suddenly realised she had a problem.

“I haven’t got any swim things with me!” she said. “And I don’t think I could have a repeat of what we did at that party, either”

“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that” Flo said, smiling at her. “I’ve got a costume you can borrow”

“You came prepared..?”

Flo shook her head. “I’ve got a couple here. Or, I’m sure Peter has some if they aren’t to your taste”

“I don’t have girls swim stuff” Peter said. “Only the stuff you and the others leave here”

Flo opened one of the drawers of the dresser. “I’ve only got two-pieces here. I hope that’s ok?”

“Yeah... Are you sure they’ll fit me? I don’t think we’re the same size..”

“Oh nonsense, of course they will! You’re taller, and I’m broader, so I guess it evens out”

“You can hardly be described as broad!”

Flo just giggled, handing one swim set to her. “This one will suit you”

Liz took it gratefully, and then looked at Peter. “Um...”

“What?” Peter blinked at her. “There’s towels down in the cubicles, don’t worry. So. Shall we?”

-

Liz couldn’t help being impressed by the proper little changing room downstairs - and mightily relieved, because she wasn’t too sure about getting changed under a towel in front of the other two.

Peter was fastest getting changed, and spent a few minutes folding and re-folding towels on the bench outside the cubicles, trying to seem busy. Liz was next to emerge from her cubicle, kitted out in a very cute little black swim skirt with a matching bikini top.

“Aw, you look cute!” Peter said. “It suits you”

“Thanks” Liz smiled, blushing. “I’ve never had a swim skirt before. I didn’t really know they were a thing”

“They’re cute though, aren’t they? I think I’d like one if I were a girl”

“Why not wear one now?” Liz teased, and then had a proper look at him. “Your cuts are looking better”

Peter glanced down at himself. “Yeah, they’re getting there. You should’ve seen them right after the accident! It was pretty scary. They were still pretty scary after they’d been cleaned. Sometimes I can kinda see why dad made such a stupid fuss about it”

Liz didn’t have time to respond, because the clunk of the lock to Flo’s cubicle distracted her.

“Sorry I took so long: one of the hooks on my bra is all bent and it was a bit of a struggle undoing it!” she said.

She was wearing a little white bikini with a lace overlay.

“You look so cute!” Liz said. “Where did you get that?”

“Hm? Oh, my aunt made it! She’s a swimwear designer and she makes me little things with off-cuts of material, and this was one of them!”

“That’s so cool! Does she often make you things?”

“Lots! I’ve got so many swimsuits, you wouldn’t believe - and the less said about sarongs and sunhats, the better! I love her things, but I don’t go swimming often enough to really use everything”

“Did she make the one I’m wearing?”

“Yes. It was originally supposed to be a swim dress, but she made a mistake on the middle material, so she just snipped it out and made it a dress and bikini top instead”

“You know I love changing room talks as much as the next person” Peter interrupted. “But shall we go through?”

“Sorry...”

“Aw, don’t apologise, Liz!” Flo said. “He’s just itching the jump in and have a swim! He’s a water baby, you know”

Peter squeezed Liz’s hand. “Why don’t we shower first? Then we can go down the slide first”

“You’ve got a slide?”

“We’ve got a few! I hardly ever get to use them, ‘cos like I said the other day, usually if I’m down here I’ve got dad breathing down my neck making me train”

“I sometimes forget how rich you are”

“How rich dad is. I know, it’s insane!” Peter shook his head. “I forget sometimes too. Honestly though, this pool is what having money is about, I think. Wait till you see the fun stuff: it’s like a proper leisure pool you’d go to on a day out”

“Now who’s delaying us with idle chatter?” Flo said, shaking her head fondly. “Come on: shower, and slide. Sounds like a plan to me!”

-

The Stark’s pool was incredible. Liz couldn’t help being amazed, both by the pool itself, and by the fact that it existed in someones house. It seemed like something that could be a bit of a waste - but at least not while she was here. It was huge, and seemed to extend back for miles. Right at the front it looked like a regular pool, and was obviously where Peter had to train. But beyond that, the shape changed, and it was also indescribable. It was like an adventure park in a pool. There was a little hot tub type pool on one side, on a raised platform, but it paled in comparison to everything else. There seemed to be a big wall, but the pool extended through a big tunnel-type structure, made to look like rock, although Liz couldn’t see how far back it went. Looking up, she could see the big metal tube of the big slide. She was so busy taking in the first view that Peter made her jump when he spoke.

“It’s better if we go round to the side. Then we can go up to the big slide, and it takes you down to the other bit of the pool. It’s the fun bit, I suppose”

“How big is this pool?” Liz asked as they walked round to the side.

“Huge. Honestly, it’s actually a bit ridiculous. It’s massive, but the other side is just so good. I’m fed up with competitive swimming, but I’m still happy to do fun swimming. And even if I wasn’t, I think this would change my mind. Seriously, I swear I notice something different every time I come down here. Which just shows how often I use it”

“Isn’t it boring on your own? Or do you parents come down too?”

“Well. Before I was on the swim team, me and dad used to play down here, and that was fun. Daddy usually just stayed in the hot tub. May used to love it too. We carved out names onto one of the walls somewhere... It’s fun down here on my own too. And I’ve got the bunnies now, so we come down here. But not enough”

“You mean Loki doesn’t take full advantage of it?” Liz said as they started up the winding steps to the top of the main slide.

Peter shrugged. “It’s a bit of a shame, cos there’s a lot to explore, and I think he’d enjoy it, but he just... He’s always said he hates swimming, ever since I first met him”

“Either he hates it, or he’s just not very good at it” Liz said.

“He’s a god, Liz. I don’t think anything as small as swimming is beyond his capabilities”  Flo said.

Peter didn’t say anything, just played with the light settings now they’d reached the top. He wasn’t about to admit it, but Liz was right. He’d found out quite by accident. It was a long time ago now, at the very end of that rocky first summer. He’d asked Loki to come down to the pool with him, and he’d refused point blank. They ended up having a huge argument, and in the heat of the moment, Loki had accidentally let slip that he didn’t know how to swim. Peter had offered to teach him, but Loki had snapped that he wasn’t going to let a snot-nosed little brat try to teach him anything, and then he’d smacked him hard and told him that if he ever told anyone, he’d kill him. Peter didn’t believe him, of course, but he wasn’t going to take the risk - and he was still scared of getting on Loki’s bad side back then.

-

The fading lights and the rush of water and the speed of the slide were almost overwhelming. It was like being in a different universe - and so it was quite a shock shooting out of the end of the slide and splashing into the blue swimming pool water below. Liz righted herself and turned to Peter and Flo, who had gone before her - but found herself distracted by the scenery. It was like a little cove, the walls around them made to look like rock, very high above them. There were little ledges round about, and there seemed to be little passages at all angles, leading off to who knows where.

“Oh wow”

“It’s cool, right?” Peter grinned. “Hey, there’s way more. Come on, let’s get exploring: there’s so much I want to show you!”

-

It really was like another world, full of twists and turns and whirlpools and little forests and waterfalls, not to mention more slides and a little pool with a fierce wave machine. Liz stared in awe. The possibilities were endless.

-

The three of them climbed onto a little brick-red raised paddling pool under a spray of cold water, and flopped, Peter in the middle with a girl on either side. Peter closed his eyes, feeling the cold water on his face, and the beat of his pulse in his neck and along the wounds on his front.

“I told you it was unreal” Flo said, still catching her breath. “Imagine if you’d been a little kid here, Peter! If we have this much fun now, at our age, imagine how overwhelmingly exciting this would be for a small child”

“I think it’d be dangerous for a little kid!” Liz said. “They’d get lost far too easily, and they’d hurt themselves”

She’d scraped both knees and elbows, and slipped over quite a few times over the course of their exploration, as had the others. It had felt a bit dangerous at times - or, if not dangerous, them at least precarious.

“Peter? Do you ever think this place is too big to fit here? It’s like a whole planet in your basement!”

Peter giggled. “I think technically it is still the ground floor. It is a bit funny, but I’ve gotten so used to having an upside down house, I don’t really think about the ground floor”

“This is going to sound really thick, but what’s an upside down house?”

“It’s not thick: I didn’t know the term until someone explained it. It’s like, a house where the kitchen and living room are upstairs... Ours sometimes feels a bit like a flat, because we’ve got literally everything upstairs. As far as I know, the only things we have downstairs are storerooms, and the pool. Oh, and dads lab”

“Oh, I see” Liz nodded. “...I never knew Tony Stark was so big on swimming”

“I don’t think he is, really” Peter said. “He’s much more into his sciencey stuff and his mechanic stuff... I did ask him why he built the pool once”

“Oh?” Flo sat up. “What did he say?”

“Well, he designed it when he was bored one night, and then he realised he had loads of space here, and he thought he’d mess about with the idea. He has loads of friends who are good at manual work, and he hired some other people, and it became his project. He says he’s still proud of it, because it was all done to his design”

“That’s so cool”

“The original design is amazing, honestly. It’s huge, like, he did on on like, A2 paper, and there’s two, ‘cos some of his little details and stuff he drew bigger to work out, but it’s just... It’s so detailed, all intricate with all little labels and scales and stuff. It’s all coloured in with coloured pencils and it’s just so cool. He said he couldn’t bear to throw it out even after the pool was built, and he dug it out to show me. I swear I must’ve spent a good half hour at least looking at it”

“Tony Stark can literally do everything” Flo said, sighing ruefully. “It’s kind of amazing”

“Well, maybe, but I’ve also seen him effing and blinding and almost scolding himself with a steam iron because he couldn’t work out how it worked” Peter said, smiling at the memory. “I think he wanted to kill me when he put it down and I picked it up and worked it out like, immediately”

“What about Loki?” Liz said. “Is he good at all the same stuff?”

“Um.. Well, strictly speaking, he’s not allowed to so much as set foot in the lab, and sometimes I think he’s still getting to grips with human science and stuff. He’s clever, and he’s fine with most things. I think he could be as good as dad if he wanted to be, but he isn’t really bothered. I think he’s just happy enough doing his volunteering and going to the pub and then coming home and playing the domestic goddess”

“It’s hard to imagine him running about with a feather duster”

“I think so too, and he’s my dad!” Peter finally sat up, so Liz did too. “I know he does most of the housework, but I don’t ever see him do it”

“Not at all?”

“Well. I’ve seen him do the kitchen. And I’ve seen him make my bed, but only when I’ve been ill and he’s done it. He says clean bedding helps you feel better, I don’t know” he shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t really think about housework: it’s a bit of a dull area”

“I’ll say!” Flo said. “How long have we been down here anyway?”

“God knows. I always lose track of time down here” Peter said.

“Well, it feels like we’ve been here for hours” Liz said. “I’m tired out now”

“Yeah, I am too” Peter said. “We can cut through the rock to get back”

Liz looked at where Peter was looking. The rock wall seemed no different to the other walls: solid.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I’m serious” Peter slid back into the main pool. “There’s a bit you press, like a hidden panel, and it gives you a puzzle, and then lets you through. It’s like a secret door”

“This place is so extra” Liz said to Flo.

Flo smiled and jumped down from the raised pool. She held a hand out to Liz and helped her down.

“It’s mad, isn’t it? I’ve not been through the wall before!”

“It’s kinda spooky” Peter said. “It’s fun though”

They went over to the wall, and Peter found the hidden button. It opened up a square panel, and they were faced with a puzzle.

“Ooh, slidey puzzles! I love these: I used to have lots when I was little” Flo said.

“Oh good, because I’m rubbish at them” Peter said. “They take me forever”

“Oh come on; it can’t be that hard” said Liz. “Let me see”

With three of them on the case, it took them less than a minute to slide the tiles around and assemble the picture. The panel lit up, and there was a squeaking as an outline became visible in the rock, and a big hole opened up in the wall. Liz and Flo peered in.

“It looks awfully dark” Flo said.

“It’s lighter when you get past the first bit” Peter said. “Come on”

He hauled himself up and crawled through the hole in the wall. The girls looked at each other, shrugged, and followed suit. The hole in the wall closed up again behind them, and they found themselves in a surprisingly spacious cave. They stood up, listening to the echoing drip of water.

“This is like something out of a film” Liz said, looking up at the faint pinpricks of light shining high above them.

“It’s kind of beautiful, in an eerie sort of way” Flo said, taking hold of Peter’s hand. “How do we get out?”

“We walk” Peter said. “There’s like, a bunch of different passages you can go down, if I remember rightly. It’s kinda like a dream: I can’t remember what’s real and what’s not”

They walked on, little lamps coming on and illuminating their path as they passed the motion sensors. It was like being in any old cave, the walls wet, stalactites coming down from the ceiling above them. But it was different too, with little cubby-holes in the walls illuminated with little green lights, sometimes pink - and they were certain they could hear soft music playing.

-

As they continued onwards, they reached a clearing, and found themselves faced with a huge waterfall spanning the whole wall.

“Oh dear” Flo said, biting her lip. “I think this is a dead end”

Peter looked at her. “No, no, I remember this bit!”

“You sound excited” Liz said.

“I am excited! The next bit is so nice once we get to it”

“Well, ok, but how do we get to it?”

Peter smiled at them and walked backwards, through the waterfall, and disappeared. Flo and Liz looked at each other.

“I feel like an idiot now”

“Me too”

They ducked their heads and walked through the waterfall. It was much better lit once they were through. They found they were now at the top of a stone-looking slide, and down below them was a pool, looking like something you’d find hidden in a real cave, all strangely shaped and rocky, but with gentle lights glowing under the water. Those same gently lit cubby-holes lined the walls, and that strange harp-and-xylophone music they’d heard so faintly before was now at it’s full volume.

“...This is so wasted here” Liz said. “This whole pool should be part of a resort or something. Everyone would love it”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right” Peter said, trying not to feel offended. “I kinda like knowing no one else has something like this though. It’s kinda special - if a bit extravagant”

“This is what happens when people have more money than they know what to do with” Flo said. “If you’re rich enough, you’re allowed to be eccentric”

“Mm... Can we leave the financial talk till later? Let’s swim”

He took hold of the girls hands and they slid down the slide together and into the little pool at the bottom. It was much warmer than the other parts of the pool, almost like a hot tub.

“It’s like a little fairy land” Flo said, floating on her back and looking up at the little lights. “It’s so beautiful”

“You need to get a waterproof camera and an Instagram account” Liz said. “There’s so much possibility here”

“I do have an Instagram: I just don’t use it much” Peter told her. “This place would be great for making little films in, don’t you think? Or doing photoshoots”

“It would certainly be an original setting, but I don’t think this is the kind of thing that you could properly capture the beauty of on camera”

“I’ll second that” Flo said, still on her back.

“Maybe I’d better try to get that waterproof camera then”

-

Shooting down the death slide and landing with an almighty splash in the rather normal front pool felt awfully strange and surreal.

“I feel like I’ve just returned from another world” Liz said, blinking a bit as she looked around. Everything looked so normal now, after clambering through caves and coves for so long.

“Me too, and I think I’ve got the tiredness to go with that kind of journey!” Peter said. “Do you two wanna swim for a bit longer?”

“Well, do you want to?” Flo asked.

Peter shook his head. “I’m tired. Is it ok if we get out?”

The girls smiled and gave him a quick hug.

“Sure thing”

-

Once mostly dry and dressed and back upstairs, still feeling as though they’d just stumbled out of a dream, the three teens cuddled up together on the sofa in the living room, blankets round their shoulders. Peter was in the middle, feeling very soft and sleepy and happy. He joined in the conversation for a while, but then fell quiet, just listening, and he soon fell asleep.

-

“You appear to have tired him out” Loki said, coming into the living room and finding the two girls talking quietly, with Peter asleep between them.

“I think we’re all tired out” Liz said. “That swimming pool is insane. Although I’m sure it’s more of a water park than just a pool. It’s incredible”

“So I’m told” Loki said, carefully lifting Peter up and settling him down on the armchair. “You know, you don’t have to hang about. He’s been very weak lately: he’ll probably be asleep for quite a while now”

“Oh, I don’t mind...” Flo said. “Liz?”

“Well. If he’s gonna be asleep for hours...”

“Liz is right, Flo. I’m sure you can quite easily entertain yourselves here, but Peter’s out for the count: he’s had a long day, and he needs to wind down. You should get your stuff together. I’ll ask Tony to drive you home”

*

[flame-cat]

idk why im making this but its fun, maybe some fahc writers can use it

note- since im making these notes to fit into fahc-verse, i use she/her with jack. more to be added... uh... whenever

asset seizure and firewall protection

almost immediately- gavin calls money "bundts." ryan immediately understands what he means :25- jack points out ryans fish tank is broken. ryan insists its supposed to look that way, and that jack doesnt understand art :47- ryan insists everyone try on costumes. michael is the only one not upset about his fashion choices 1:10- gavin admits that "none of these outfits are more douchey than what i usually wear." michael agrees

1:50- michael explains jack is replacing jeremy. gavin says he feels sorry for jeremy. michael says "you feel sorry for him, but thats not stopping you from joining." gavin agrees 3:20- "michael, you wanna fistfight on the helipad?" gavin says, with no prompting whatsoever. michael nonchalantly agrees, but says he cant make it up there, and suggests gavin jump from the roof to the lobby below. gavin does so. jack immediately runs at gavin and punches him in the face. michael joins the brawl against gav soon after. gavin loses. ryan, meanwhile, just sorta lets them have their fun 5:20- gavin: "because this is the vehicle that most, closestly, resembles, my face, can i drive it?" *referring to the "nose car"* 5:30- ryan expresses discomfort at the others' revealing attire. michael jokes "you know you want it" 5:54- gavin: "oh, jack, nice pair of tits!" jack: "oh, thank you! ive been working out" 6:10- *no prompting* gavin: "oh, dude, im jumpin' out!" ryan *nonchalant*: "why?" jack: "bye, gavin!" gavin: "wheee!" ryan: "dont die this time." 6:20- ryan: "its on hard. cause we're hard... core." 6:35- gavin *confused and slightly disappointed*: "i dont think theres anyone to shoot" 7:05- michael: "oh, ryan, youre in the coolest spot" ryan: "yeah, no, this is the death spot" michael: "yeah, youll die, but youll look cool doing it" 7:15- jack *a little sarcastically* "good thing we all have body armor on" *everyone but michael laughs* michael: "i do..." 7:40- *gavin nearly flips the car, everyone yells* ryan: "gavin! this is why we dont let you drive the car!" michael *nonchalant*: "its ok, im still hangin on" noteworthy throughout- everyone appears to cringe and make distgusted noises at civilians being hurt, but laugh at the same time in a grotesquely fascinated way 8:40- *gavin crashes, everyone falls off* gavin: "ive found the first road block" ryan: "didjya??? is it your driving skills??" noteworthy- ryan always appears most peeved at gavins lack of driving skills. michael usually takes it in stride noteworthy- jack is usually the least vocal in times of crisis 9:20- gavin expresses pride in taking out some trucks and cars. ryan is preoccupied with the fact that he was shot multiple times. michael, indignant, says he "was bippin" noteworthy- michael and ryan tend to argue in times of crisis. its usually michael who starts it 9:40- ryan abandons the vehicle in favor of shooting people on foot, unhappy with gavins driving. he passes it off as "being able to shoot better" but its a thinly veiled passive aggressive jab at gavins apparent unconcern for his friends wellbeing noteworthy- ryan is the king of snark 9:45- gavin sends a car flying into the river, and cheers and hollers. michael nonchalantly says "that was actually... the was pretty awesome." he doesnt seem sarcastic 9:45- meanwhile, having said nothing this whole time, jack is on foot trying to actually complete the mission, probably aware ryan is also, but not with him. she launches an explosive and sets it off, very close to ryan, who appears alarmed. jack just intones "thats me dont worry," and ryan just responds "ok" and doesnt bring it up again noteworthy- jack likes to get things done on her own. so does ryan. ryan and jack appear to have a silent agreement not to get in each others way. ryan appears more forgiving to jack when/if she screws up noteworthy- gavin is always the first and loudest to react to things. ryan follows close behind, more agitated than elated, michael next, and then jack, who mostly seems peeved noteworthy- ryan always gets most agitated with gavin, but its usually when gavin comes close to hurting him noteworthy- though they go off on their own a lot, they keep up constant communication 10:20- ryan: "oops, i shot gavin a bit" gavin: "ah, thats alright." ryan: "dont die. nobody die" *sounding strained* 10:50- not planned, but ryan and michael end up on loading, gavin keeps cops off them with the truck, jack is on foot doing the same 11:40- ryan: "uh, probably someone else should drive... since gavins gonna have to hop out and get drugs" gavin: "nah, ill hop out when we get there" ryan: "...okay" 11:44- unprompted, michael checks to see if ryan is ok. which he is not. short while later, michael mentions hes not doing much better, to which ryan expresses a small amount of concern. no one else comments 11:48- michael falls out somehow. gavin just laughs 12:10- jack: "woohoo! bye, fuckers!" noteworthy- michael seems very subdued here 12:13- michael mentions inevitable failure. gavin: "dyou think we will?" *genuinely suprised* 12:25- michael eggs gavin on as he crashes into and flips cars. he then remembers that he should probably be doing something about the cops behind them. jack agrees, apparently not paying attention either 13:10- gavin makes zooming sounds as they drive off. this appears to be something he does a lot. no one else comments on it 13:35- *approaching a road block* gavin: "dude, which one should i hit?" ryan: "ALL OF THEM!" 13:45- everyone else yells in excitement. michael just seems a little shocked and says, a little louder than usual: "oh my god they fucking exploded" noteworthy- ryan is usually the one to remind the others of the task at hand. jack is content to ride back seat, and gavin and michael are busy being... well, them 13:50- michael *shooting cops*: "bipbipbipbipbipbipbip" gavin: *mimicking intense chase music* the others dont make a comment on it noteworthy- ryan and jack seem content to just let michael and gavin be weirdos without really paying attention to it 14:20- michael freaks out about being shot and dying. ryan, slightly panicked, just tells him not to die over and over again. it doesnt work noteworthy- when gavin asks a question, michael is quickest to reply. ryan is right behind him 15:00- gavin, probably realizing its only fair, asks if anyone wants to drive. ryan accepts after giving everyone armor noteworthy- while jack always gets pinned as "team mom," its more ryan than anyone else. jack tends to just do her own thing. i imagine she would be an excellent mercenary, since she tends not to ask a lot of questions 15:40- jack is not sitting very lady-like 15:45- everyone: *freaking out about to crash* *make it out ok* michael *calmly*: "we're good, we're good." it should be noted he's driving noteworthy- if we're assigning familial roles, then michael is the big brother 16:00- gavin falls out. michael says sorry through his chuckling 16:30- ryan: "its a linear plowing apparatus." what a massive dork 17:00- when jack laughs, theres no holding back. you wanna talk about cancer-curing laughs? right behind geoff ramsey 17:15- gavin is usually a step ahead of everyone else when thinking of ideas. when it comes to focusing on the present, though, he gets caught up in his own head noteworthy- gavin is always the first to admit when he's lost control of a situation noteworthy- ryan never outright rejects anyones ideas, almost ever. if he does, he usually provides sound reasoning, or is joking 17:30- gavin: "oh, i felt bad about that. a cop landed after your smash and i just executed him in the head." no one comments 17:55- roles are switched now: ryan is on foot as a mercenary, michael is doing the same in the truck, and gavin and jack are getting the goods. noteworthy- gavin uses birght fuscia weapons far more than gold ones 18:40- jack is focused and nearly kills ryan 19:20- gavin starts singing. jack boisterously joins in immediately. jack then goes on to talk about something he watched recently, and gavin seems interested 19:55- the truck nearly tips over. everyone freaks out briefly, but once the crisis is averted, gavin and jack immediately go back to their conversation. it should be noted michael is driving 20:20- this time the truck does flip over. michael runs over gavin accidentally. gavin doesnt seem perturbed, though, even when michael apologises. seconds later, he even comments that this "might be the best mission yet" noteworthy- gavin doesnt appear to care a whole lot for his own safety 21:20- jack starts singing. this time gavin joins in 21:40- gavin: "this is, like, fast and furious material. did they ever have one of these?" ryan: "uh, they shouldve" noteworhy- ryan appears to always have some sort of heavy weaponry on him. no one comments on this noteworthy- they discuss team responsibilities while theyre doing things. absolutely no planning whatsoever: they "work" on the fly 22:20- gavin panics about dying. ryan, again, helpfully tells him to "dont die, dont die, please." remarkably, this doesnt work the second time either

[anenglishmaninontario]

Campers Cove 27th to 29th July

Day 1

So part of what I wanted to do while I was out here was to get myself doing things which I hadn’t done before or at least hadn’t done for a long time.  I reckon this counts.  When I mentioned to certain people that we were planning on doing a swathe of camping I was greeted with a few titters and lots of “I can’t really picture you camping” (you know who you are you cheeky cow).  I spent much of my younger days on camping trips across Europe in what amounted to a canvas sack on wheels so this kind of camping is going to come pretty easy to me.

Just to make sure though, the first trip was less than an hour away to Camper’s Cove near  Point Pelee National Park along Lake Erie. With the dogs safely ensconced in the boarding kennel and a fully stocked camper made ready off we went.

Campers Cove is a great little privately run campground on the shores of the lake full of a mixture of RV’s of every size, some tents and some permanent residents marking territory with a boggling array of gnomes, fountains, palm trees which lit up at night (and which rather unfortunately couldn’t fail to remind anyone as immature as myself and Lauren of anything other than a collection of genitals waving in the breeze) and all manner of mail boxes in every shape and magnitude.  It was very easy to see why someone would choose to retire here and spend everyday in what is essentially a massive playground for those with enough money to buy a decent sized RV but not quite enough for a 10 berth yacht in the Mediterranean.  We stopped off at the camp shop to register and making note of the souvenir clothing and ice-cream counter headed out to our pitch.

I watched from the sidelines the first time of setting up so as to check out how it was done (and so that I could snatch a sneaky cigarette) and it was something of a surprise.  The familiar folding out of beds and clicking of support poles I was ready for.  Less expected was that once the door was opened and the awning extended, out came a carpet followed by tables, a washing area, strings of fairy lights, recycling boxes, a cooking tripod, an electric cooler complete with radlers, beer and caesars, boxes of games equipment, enough chairs to hold a moderately sized pep-rally and lastly a quarter-sized national flag complete with bungie cords to be strapped to the nearest tree.  I definitely refute the suggestion that I cannot cope with the outdoors and that I would flounder if asked to rough it but I have to say that if this is what camping looks like then this will be a breeze.  When I was a kid, camping meant close quarters living, waking up cold and knotted in my own sleeping bag, tinned food, UHT milky, a suspicious looking bucket filled with blue chemicals which served as a toilet and being unable to wash for days on end until enough courage was built up to use the communal showers on French camping sites.  I’m less bashful these days as I’m certain some people may know but even now I think I would have difficulty using such open facilities particularly if camping with people I know well.  Strangers are less difficult to disrobe in front of.  Not quite sure what that says about me.  “Hello we’ve never met. Ta daaaaaaa”.

I digress.  Once the camper is set up every bed is about queen size, has its own power adapter, lamp, window zip blinds and curtains.  I will be at the front end furthest from everyone else in case the snoring bursts any eardrums in the vicinity although the AC and fan are likely to smother any of that noise to everyone’s relief. There is a fully functioning kitchen and shower-room and enough beer in the fridge to test the powers of even the most ambitious alcoholic.

Having excelled at my role of hands-off set up engineer the chairs are set up around the fire-pit and a beer is cracked open and a drawing competition commences.  Mom shouts out scenarios and we draw something we think reflects what she has said.  I soon discover that drawing from imagination is something I haven’t done since I was 10 and and let’s face it, it shows.  Luckily I’m up against kids about a quarter of my age so I hold my own pretty well considering.  The sketching attempts end up in the fire-pit (so that no evidence remains) and I make a mental note to take a You-Tube course on basic drawing skills before attempting anything like this again. Two beers later and the artistic activities are replaced by games so lets see if I do any better with those.

In short, no not really but it was highly entertaining.  We start with a game of badminton at which I suck like a Dyson on heat but which has the distinction of taking me from a lowly position of visiting friend up to Uncle Alex and briefly to the great heights of Badminton God and back down to my usual moniker of Mr Alex once it is discovered that luck plays more of a part in my success than any genuine skills. Still it is good exercise.  The first real energetic movement since I arrived here (apologies to my personal trainer for undoing all his hard work).  I am already familiar with this game but by far more entertaining is what seems to be a campground perennial over here, the game of Baggo.  Almost every other RV seems to have a version of this set up on the grass.  If, like me, you are unfamiliar with this game I’ll describe it for you.  In essence this is basically a game of ‘get the bean bags in the hole’.  A description that belies a game of great sophistication and complexity.  Ok perhaps not but its history and variations, not to mention the vast array of double entendres that litter its rules and scoring system make it worthy of mention.  As already noted, the aim is basically to drop a bean bag in a hole, at approximately 30 feet or at the very least to get it on the board.  A bag in the hole scores 3, a bag on the board scores one.  There are many variations on how the scoring system seems to work which I discovered when playing against other families at other times but the rules around here seem to be that any score that both players get cancel each other out (i.e. I get one in the hole and so does the guy I’m playing with then nobody gets the point and we ‘wash’, ooh-er missus).  The player with the highest score after an innings of four bags takes the total score minus the opponents score.  The aim is to get to exactly 21, no more no less. Trickier than it sounds.  In a rather highfalutin history provided by Wikipedia, it is said that the game originated as Cornhole using bags of corn in the later 1880’s and, to cut a very short story even shorter it is now called Baggo, presumably to avoid getting it confused with certain body parts.  Some of its more fruity terminology is outlined below :-

Cow Pie-  bag lands on the board – 1 point

Backdoor/Dirty Rollup – bag bounces over another players bag into the hole – 3 points

Baggo – bag goes in the hole.  Airmail is when it doesn’t touch the sides – 3 points

Cornfusion – players cannot agree on the score – punch up ensues

Cornholio  – bag goes in the hole, same as a baggo but mainly used by disciples of Beavis and Butthead – 3 points

Cornucopia –  player gets all four bags into the hole in succession – in the Wells family this automatically wins the match.  In other situations this is simply 12 points

Dirty Bag – bag bounces off the ground onto the board.  Presumably if this bounces on to the board then into the hole this is a Dirty Backdoor Bag but this is not clarified – 1 or 3 points depending on where it ends up

Slippery Granny – 3 bags in a row on the board.  I have no idea what the provenance of such a term might be but she’s worth 3 points whoever she is

Triple Dip – 3 bags in the hole in one round – 9 points and no further comment

Madden –  when a player violently tosses their bag at another player – no points and possible being sent to bed early

Perrego –  when a player refuses to play Baggo as they are intimidated by their opponent.  It is debatable whether this actually makes them a ‘player’ – match forfeited

Wash – all players get the same in the hole or on the board – no score

I’m sorry but if none of those raised even the slightest immature snorting of your tea then we can no longer be friends.

Having won some and lost more matches of Baggo and scored more than a few Slippery Grannies and holding myself back from more Maddens than I am willing to admit to, a few rounds of poker ensue until it is time to retire the children and sit by a blazing campfire being eaten into insanity by mosquitos and drinking ourselves into a position of not caring.  I’ll leave aside the somewhat bizarre notion of lighting a campfire in 25 degree heat and say only that it is one of the most relaxing pastimes I have come across here thus far.  The temperature remains so high that at bedtime my second favourite pastime is discovered by opening all the window zippers in the bed leaving only the insect netting and sleeping essentially out in the open looking up at the stars.

  Day 2

Another day, another new experience.  Well several really.  Firstly, campfire traybake breakfast.  Fabulous.  Secondly, in all my recollections, I have definitely never been sat on a tractor trailer being taken on a 5 km/h tour of a campsite at 10 o’clock in the morning.  Pretty sure it wasn’t on my bucket list but if it ever was I can certainly tick that one off now.  If they have a suggestions box I imagine it is full of tiny bits of paper with the word ‘cushions’ on them but hey, it was an experience, if not quite the rollercoaster that the photo would suggest.  The third and most gratifying of the recollections was later in the day at the beach.  I mean naturally I have been to a beach before, and many with less gravel than this one.  Beaches on the ocean, beaches by the lake, beaches up a hillside.  All are familiar to me.  What has so far been less familiar to me is actually taking a chair to the beach and actually planting it in the lake.  With temperatures this high it has to be said that this is genius.  Unhinged perhaps.  Precarious most definitely.  But given the temperature even when the clouds come over is in the high 20’s, depositing one’s chair actually in the water is still genius.  No need to move, no need to go swimming, unless the mood strikes.  Cooling down is as easy as picking up a Bubba flask of sneakily concealed radler, leaning back and letting the water come up as far as your tits.  Luckily for anyone reading this, the act of submersing oneself in semi-dress in a lake dampens the ability to carry a camera a little.  Modern mobiles are waterproof but I didn’t want mine floating away in a rip-tide so luckily for you all there is no photo evidence to strike you blind.  There will be photos of other people doing this on a future post though just to make sure it is clear that this is not the invention of my fevered imagination.

  Day 3

Following another fine evening of games, cards, drink and burning stuff we are getting ready to pack it all up and head back.  Getting things set up had been a mixture of random chucking stuff out of the truck and the camper and arranging it once retrieved.  The take-down was far more ritualistic.  Everything has to fit in its place so must be correctly folded.  Anything that has touched the ground must be brushed off.  Recycling must be separated and taken off to the appropriate place, unused firewood safely stored for future use.  Grey and black water tanks must be emptied. The Wells’s have a well oiled machine and within an hour we were on our way home.

So overall, camping? Yeah no problem.  In fact it is something I feel I ought to do more of when I return to the UK.  There is something therapeutic about dragging your life down the road on wheels and then feeling like you are in the middle of nowhere and living a simpler life.  If I thought this was the peak of the trip so far though, where we were headed next would blow my mind.

Training Camp Campers Cove 27th to 29th July Day 1 So part of what I wanted to do while I was out here was to get myself doing things which I hadn't done before or at least hadn't done for a long time.  

[sjscorner]

Vaping; more than just a hobby, more than just a community

Everyone is different, there are a million and one things that separate us from the person next to us, whether it’s the colour of our eyes, hair, skin, our clothes, the list is endless and most of these things we can alter, we can choose how we want the world to perceive to us, but what if you couldn’t? What if you lived a life where instead of adapting the way you are perceived by the world, you have to adapt to a world not necessarily built or capable of understanding the thing or things that make you different? Things you cannot change.

It’s glaringly obvious just by looking at me what makes me different, and no I’m not talking about my sexuality, it’s quite literally plastered to my face but still people aren’t capable of understanding the difficulties or the way I have to adapt. All they see me as is ‘the girl with the patch’ and that’s ok, it’s a true statement, I wear a patch but what people fail to understand is that the sight in the eye that you can see, isn’t all that great either. Now, in a way I am lucky, because people can see that I am partially sighted. I wear a patch. If visibility is poor because of weather or time of day, I use a white cane. If I’m out by myself or with someone who isn’t all that familiar with what I can and can’t see, I use my cane. It might come as a shock to some people but the pictures I post from my walks round the lake with my brother, I very rarely, if ever, use my cane because he knows which side to walk on, he knows that there’s certain things I won’t pick up on and will warn me of them, he even knows not to point and say “look at that!” because it doesn’t matter what side of me you are on, I can’t see it!!! Not everyone is this lucky, believe it or not, I am not the only partially person that vapes, and it’s not always obvious that they’re partially sighted. Not everyone uses a white cane, some people don’t even have glasses. Having an invisible disability is beyond difficult, people tend to forget it exists and completely disregard it, much like people assume that the vision in my left eye is a lot better than you think. Not only am I partially sighted, I also have mental health problems that I have to deal with as well, one of which being anxiety and believe me, people dismiss that faster than they assume my left eye is ok. “You’ve nothing to be anxious about”, “Just breathe”, the list of useless phrases is endless. It’s like people say those words and think it magically makes everything better. News flash - it’s as much use as a chocolate fire guard.

If you’ve stuck with me this far, I applaud you but I promise that there is a point to all of this information I have given you and yes, it does relate to vaping. The vast majority of people I know started vaping because they wanted to quit cigarettes, I, on the other hand, made the switching to vaping for two very important reasons. 1) Safety. I have very little in the way of depth perception. I cannot list the number of times I burnt my face trying to light a cigarette or my fingers from not being able to tell how much of the cigarette had burned and how close the embers were to my skin. 2) Cigarettes are expensive as hell! I couldn’t afford cigarettes as it stood, I rolled my own and after a rather rapid decline in the sight I have, I was finding it too difficult to roll anymore. I couldn’t judge the amount of tobacco I was placing in the paper. I can’t see white on white so figuring out where I’d put the filter was impossible. It would take me 10 minutes to roll a cigarette and that was on a good eye day. It was frustrating as hell so when a friend introduced to me vaping (something I am eternally grateful for), I dived in head first and switched from cigarettes to vaping immediately with no cross over period.

Vaping to me was (and still is) amazing! It was something that was easy to learn and I very soon discovered that I can do most things by feel so even on days when I have very little vision, I don’t morph into mega-bitch from lack of nicotine (I’ve yet to kick that one). I can change my batteries, I can refill my juice, I can change my tanks over, I can fit new coils (in tanks, still getting to grip with builds on bad eye days), I can make coils and depending on what mod I’m using, I’m even able to change the wattage and I can do all of this by feel and more importantly, by myself. I finally gained a new hobby and with it came a new sense of independence and believe me, when you start to lose your sight and have to rely more on other people, can no longer drive, need helping using things like the oven, etc. Finding something that gives you that sense of independence is a God send.

When my friend introduced me to vaping, she took me to a store that is in no way local for us. I had to rely on her or my mum or whoever I could rope into giving me a lift to get there. Ordering online is great, but a lot of places have a minimum spend for delivery and when you only want a 10ml juice or a pack of coils, the postage just doesn’t seem worth it so I started hunting for more local places and it turned out that there were actually 3 vape shops in Milton Keynes and one of those isn’t all that far from where I live. I’m very nervous about going anywhere new, I have anxiety about new people or people in general if I’m honest but it’s also hard trying to navigate new places when you can’t see all that much so I convinced my mum to take me and go in with me and it turned out to be one of the best decisions I’ve ever made because I had stumbled upon SpaceInvapers. At this point I was very new to vaping and worried that I’d come across as an idiot that had no idea what they are doing, which to be honest I pretty much was, but I was welcomed by both Matt and Paul (who to this day my mum still refers to as the man that makes massive clouds). Instantly Matt introduced himself, asked my name, shook my hand and if you know Matt you’ll know what I mean when I say he flashed that cheeky boy grin of his. Paul introducing himself in true Paul fashion with a smile and a great big cloud. Honestly, I’ve never come across this kind of service, on this side of the pond at least. They were genuinely happy to help out, answer my questions, give me advice and told me that I was more than welcome to come sit at their bar and hang out. Soon enough, that’s exactly what I did, first coming in for one day here or there and if I could stick it out without freaking out I’d hang out for an hour but that gradually increased and I was soon coming every other day (while I’m not having panic attacks I am still anxious and need a day to recover from being around people). After a little while I started talking to other people that hang out there and soon I started to make friends, with staff and other people who had discovered SpaceInvapers. I had discovered a little community that I didn’t even know existed and they all welcomed me without batting an eyelid.

Now, it’s obvious to anyone who follows my instagram that I love SpaceInvapers, I’m not going to lie about that, it’s downright amazing and let me tell you why. Not only did I discover a place I could go, vape and make friends. I discovered a place where people don’t treat me like I’m handicapped, like I’m incapable of doing things. When I bought my first RDA I was given lots of choice and advise, told about the different types of decks and had every question that popped into my head answered. When it came to setting it up for the coil, I was asked if I wanted someone to install it for me. Do you have any idea what it means to have someone if you’d like help having installed instead of them just taking charge and doing it because they think you can’t? Let me tell you now, it sucks! It’s beyond disheartening and after a while you start to wonder whether or not you can do these things or not. But I was asked! Instead of having someone do it for me, I asked if they could just guide me while I tried, point out to me if I was doing something wrong, stuff like that and having installed my first coil in an RDA by myself gave me a great sense of achievement, pride and boosted my confidence. It’s fiddly, true, but I have learnt how to fit my coils by feel, it’s not impossible. Soon after of course, I wanted to try to build my own coils and once again SpaceInvapers came to my aid and talked me through what I would need, what wires they recommend, and pointed me in the direction of Steam Engine so if I was unsure when I was at home and trying to build, I had access to everything I need. Off I went and once again I discovered that I could build my own coils purely by feel (for my fellow partially sighted vapers, steer clear of kanthal twisted wire, it is no good for building by feel, it’s too flimsy).

Last week I attended my first vape meet, which meant a lot of people, but it’d be ok because I had a friend going with me and I know Matt, Paul, Jade, Ricc and Andy so I’d be find, I took an extra anxiety med with me just in case but mostly I was excited about the meet. Not only was it my first meet, it was my first cloud competition, which meant standing up in front of a lot of people (thank God I packed that extra pill) and I was beyond terrified, especially because my friend had to leave early so I was now on my own. The anxiety had me convinced that people would laugh at me, “look at the poor little blind girl thinking she can do it”, but it was quite the opposite. I had people congratulate me for having a go. I spoke with reps from companies and genuinely enjoyed our conversations. A couple people asked about my patch, but no one was rude about it. I had praise for building my own coils, I had people curious about how I’m able to use Drippers and such and I had no issue with answering their questions because who else do you counter the misunderstanding? To some of you this will seem like “well, duh”, but this is a far cry from how I’ve been treated in the past. I have had people shout out at me in the street, “Eh, look at the pirate!”, I have had people deliberately place obstacles in my path when they see me coming, I’ve had people move stuff after I’ve put it in a specific place because they want to see if I’ll knock it or over, I’ve endured a lot of horrible people over something I have no control of, so believe me, having people treat me like this is a very BIG deal to me.

For a lot of people vaping is a means of giving up cigarettes and a hobby, but then there are people like me, the people that are told they are incapable of doing the same things as everyone else, the people that live in a constant fear because of a mental health condition, and for people like me, vaping is a lifeline. I have gone from feeling like I’m never going to be able to do things I want to do, to feeling that I can do anything, even if it takes me a little longer and I have to learn slightly different ways of doing it. This time last year, I was pretty much housebound by anxiety, I’d go to the corner shop with my brother to get baccy and that was about it and even then I only did that because no one would buy my baccy for me, to going out on a regular basis and socialising and enjoying myself. Yes, the guys at SpaceInvapers are initially there to run a business and sell me things but they have also become my friends and I end up going down to chat to them more than I do because I’m in need of supplies.

Vaping is so much more than a community in my eyes. A community is a collection of people with a shared common interest. Vaping? Vaping is acceptance and friendships. It’s help when you need it. It’s a passion. No one cares what you look like. Pierced, tattooed, big, little, male, female, and everything else, no one gives a damn. There is an unspoken code, or at least I think so, that we all agree on and that’s make clouds and don’t be an asshole.