#oh yeah also someone who i literally talked to yesterday broke mutuals with me after 6 years bc of this
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wait what has actually happened with the fob/mcr feud stuff my whole dash is just vague references to something happening
i’m putting this below a read more bc it’s going to get long and i don’t really want to recap all this but i’d rather do it myself than have more people totally misrepresent the situation, so.
okay so mcrblr has been for some reason passing around a bunch of polls about how comparatively good the members of mcr are at different kinds of sex.
aside number one: my personal stance on this is that i think it’s weird to speculate about the guys’ sex lives, even as a joke, but given that none of them will see it, it’s whatever. i’ll scroll past it and move on. if pressed i do think that kind of joking should probably be kept to a closed discord server where everyone is in on the joke, because doing it on here means it will inevitably break containment, but again. not my circus, not my monkeys.
anyways. a mcr blogger is like “this sex discussion is so funny, what if it was expanded to include more of bandom” and then used patrick stump as an example. from what i can tell they were trying to satirize the way mcr fans were talking about the guys’ sex lives. they said some stuff in a now deleted post that included things like “patrick would light candles and play marvin gaye during sex [subtext: in a lame way]” and “he looks like a mouse” (note that this is something mcr fans very commonly say about gerard)
that post broke containment and fob fans interpreted it as suggesting that patrick is bad at sex and thus is fatphobic, based on the fatphobic idea that fat people are sexually unappealing
aside number two: fatphobia in bandom is a real issue and nothing i have said has meant to trivialize that. it is absolutely something that has contributed to the way people have treated and talked about both patrick and gerard. but it is not what i see to be the true crux of the situation i’ve been observing here.
okay now let’s go back in time a bit. last year mcr toured again for the first time in a decade. mcr fans understandably went crazy. at some point along the way, i started seeing posts from fob bloggers complaining about specifically mcr fans talking shit about fob and praising mcr at fob’s expense
aside number three: i am a fan of both fob and mcr. i was a fan of fob first. i saw them last week and cried. i do not think either band is better than the other, but if pressed, i would say i personally like mcr more, because i identify more heavily with them/their storytelling. i follow people who like both, people who like mcr and not fob, and people who like fob and not mcr. i myself have never actually seen a mcr fan hating on fob specifically. from my perspective, most mcr fans either like fob or don’t really talk about them. i did see a few posts claiming that mcr was doing things no other band had done or could do (objectively untrue, but understandable hyperbole from big fans) but as far as i could tell fob was never namedropped.
so yeah every now and then i would see some vagueposts about mcr fans from fob bloggers. once polls became a thing the “feud” would come up whenever a bandom poll would get passed around, people would complain about the results, etc
back to the present. op of the post doubles down. a mcr blogger says something like “patrick is a normal size for a 40 something man” which they clearly meant to mean “being fat is within the range of normal bodies” but was interpreted as “i can’t be fatphobic bc patrick isn’t fat. he’s normal and fat people aren’t normal”
i’m too tired to keep typing and it’s 1 am and in 7 hours i am getting on a plane for a one day round trip to see my grandfather before he dies so i’m logging off now. sorry i didn’t finish explaining but i feel like this is probably enough that you can bridge the gap to where we are now. if you have more questions you can dm me or send another ask. i do have more analysis of the situation i just really can’t deal with trying to distill it right now. most of my posts about the issue have been meant to encompass the entire months in the making feud that i believe has lead us to this point, not the specific post
if you’re going to be like why are you involving yourself in bandom drama when your family member is dying it’s because i can’t do anything about it and i was TRYING to use tumblr as a distraction. also like i said the feud has been months in the making and as someone who likes both bands i was really sick of ppl acting like we were enemies
#answered#oh yeah also someone who i literally talked to yesterday broke mutuals with me after 6 years bc of this#shrug emoji i guess
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this fill is for @rozword and @hargreeeves who both asked for frank castle/jason todd and whose prompts happened to work well together. so here’s the first half of a two-part no superheroes au, in which jason is not red hood and has never been robin, but he’s still getting into fights in alleys. the prompt for this one is: "are you leaving?"
warnings for some canon-typical violence and also some canon-typical bad medical decisions.
---
Jason wakes up on a couch that isn’t his, in a house he doesn’t know, with a dog he’s never met curled up next to him. There’s also something wrong with his face and temple and entire skull region, but he’s not surprised by that, given the facts of the situation.
“Fuck’s sake, Rex,” he says, patting the dog on the head. “Why didn’t you cut me off before I drank the entire bar?”
The dog whines softly and nudges Jason’s chin with its nose. The lick to the face that follows isn’t especially upsetting on its own, but Jason’s instinctive flinch sets off an entire New Years Eve of fireworks behind his eyes.
“Holy shit,” he says, swinging his legs off the couch and accidentally dumping the dog to the floor. When he brings his hand up to the side of his head, he touches something rough and tender, a fresh scab over one hell of a swollen bruise.
He reevaluates the dizzy, nauseated feeling in his stomach. He considers the fact that he isn’t wearing a shirt. He investigates the couch, staring pensively at the smears of dried blood that indicate he was still bleeding a little when he passed out.
His boots are sitting neatly by the side of the couch, socks folded and placed on top. His wallet’s there, too, although his phone is missing. He’s still wearing his jeans.
He cuts his loses, shoving his feet into the boots, his socks into one pocket, and his wallet into the other. After a brief internal pep talk for his stomach and his head, he heaves himself into something approximating a standing position and starts maneuvering his way toward the door.
It’s not so bad, really. If he keeps moving, he almost doesn’t notice the way the floor kinda sways under his feet.
He has his hand on the doorknob when he hears it. A soft shift behind him, the creak of wooden furniture, and then a voice, quiet, clear, deep: “Are you leaving?”
Jason turns his whole body to see. He has no plans to try turning his head again any time soon.
There’s a man across the room, sitting in a sunlit breakfast nook, coffee mug in hand, staring at Jason with what Jason chooses to optimistically classify as resting murder face.
“Uh,” Jason says, fumbling with the stubborn door, putting a bit of weight behind his attempts to get through it. “Yeah. Had a great time. Five stars. Thanks. Maybe next time, when someone says ‘fuck my brains out,’ consider the possibility that they didn’t mean it literally.”
The man’s dark eyebrows pull together. “I didn’t--- that’s not.” He sets the mug down and frowns at him, which is a revelation to Jason, who’d been under the impression that he’d been frowning the entire time. “I didn’t fuck your brains out.”
“Yeah, not for lack of trying,” Jason says. “What the hell even happened? Did I take a headboard to the temporal lobe and you just dumped me out here and hoped for the best? What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck is wrong with this door?”
“Deadbolt’s locked,” the man says. “And you’re concussed. You’ve been having a lot of trouble with doors.”
Jason finds the deadbolt and shoves it open. “Thank God,” he says.
“That isn’t gonna help you,” the man says.
“Could you sound more like a serial killer please?” Jason asks. “Really. When I relay this story to my friends, I want at least one of them to actually piss themselves.”
The man blinks and shifts back a bit, like he’s trying – from clear across this wide open room – to give Jason more space. “That’s the door to the backyard,” he says.
“Oh,” Jason says. He pushes the door open anyway and stares in bleak resignation at the six-foot fence. “I can jump that,” he says. Just to be clear.
“Yeah, I know you can,” the man says. “I saw you fight yesterday.”
Jason blinks. Now that he’s said it, there is some kind of memory there. Vague, half-formed. When Jason focuses on it, it waves and fades like breath in the winter. “There was a fight?”
The man looks uncomfortable now, glares down at his coffee for a second. “Yeah. You and a few guys. I was walking by. Heard some noises. Some yelling.”
It’s the word yell that does it. Summons a clip of memory out of the inky black swamp of last night. Jason, picking himself up off the ground, blood in his eyes. Shaking his head, blinking, and then catching, in the corner of his vision, this guy taking a brick out of someone’s hand and then breaking that arm, neat and fast. The snap, and then the scream.
“You broke someone’s arm,” Jason says.
“Well,” he says, sinking deeper into the chair, taking a sip of his coffee like he thinks it’s gonna somehow hide his face. “Like I said, there was a fight.”
Jason closes the door and turns back around. He takes a few steps closer to breakfast nook. He can’t for the life of him remember what the hell he was fighting about, but he figures it was probably worth it. He doesn’t get in that many fights anymore. He is learning, slowly, to pick his battles.
“So there was a fight,” Jason says, “and then, what? You were like ‘that’s hot, better bring that guy home?’”
He frowns. “Not like—I tried to call your friends for you, but you kept giving me the number for some pizza place.”
Jason does a quick mental check of the phone numbers he actually has memorized, and he begrudgingly admits that the top three are all fast food establishments. “Well, maybe I was hungry.”
He stares, deadpan and silent for a full beat. “Could be,” he admits. “You did throw up on my shoes.”
“And I’m not fucking sorry,” Jason says, even though he is. Also, somewhat mortified. “Was I giving you a bad number for 9-1-1, too?”
“No, but you had a lot of loud opinions about cops you really wanted to share. Figured it probably wouldn’t work out well if they showed up.”
Jason hasn’t fought a cop since high school. Again, he’s learning. But he’s willing to admit that some of his hard-won character growth might’ve temporarily vanished after the blow to the head.
“Coulda dropped me at a hospital,” Jason points out.
The man raises a single skeptical brow. “I tried.” He doesn’t elaborate, but the expression on his face indicates that the process of his attempt was not an especially pleasant one.
“So you brought me here,” Jason says, “and then--”
“Tried to clean you up a bit,” he says. “You didn’t like that. So I got you some water, and some ice. Checked on you a few times overnight. You didn’t like that either.”
Jason is starting to realize that maybe he’s been something of a nightmare and an asshole to this guy. “I bled on your couch,” he says, just so they can get everything out in the open.
“It’s okay.” He shrugs. “It’s not a great couch.”
Jason blinks at him. “You’re being really calm about this.”
He stares at him for a second and then drops his eyes to the table. After a moment, he shrugs again and looks up. “Combat vet,” he says. “Not the first or the worst head injury I’ve seen. Figured you’d be okay so long as you didn’t get confused and walk off a bridge. Or find another six guys to fight.”
“Six?” Jason asks. Jesus, he must’ve been really pissed about something. Or they were really pissed. Or they were mutually pissed at each other.
“Well, six when I got there,” he says. “Looked like maybe you’d already handled one of them.”
It occurs to Jason that, as shitty as this morning is and as bad as he feels, he’s probably supposed to feel a hell of a lot worse. Maybe he’s supposed to be dead right now.
“I’m Jason,” he says.
“Frank Castle,” the man says.
Jason gets another flash memory. Himself, banging his fist on a dashboard, yelling “Frankie says relax!” at a startled car of clubbers at a red light.
“Oh my God,” Jason says. Very carefully, he brings his hand up to his face. “I can’t believe you didn’t just throw me into traffic.”
“You weren’t that bad,” Frank says. “You only hit me once.”
Jason scans the patchwork quilt of memories he’s built so far. At no point does he remember hitting Frank. “When the hell was that?”
There’s a second where Frank seems to replay the night in his head, like even he’s having some difficulty tracking the madhouse funshow timeline of a concussed Jason. “You couldn’t get in the truck,” he says, finally. “It’s kinda high. You kept tripping on your boots. I was gonna help you. Got too close, I guess. So you elbowed me in the throat.”
“Right into traffic,” Jason repeats. “You coulda just…” He mimes picking up a body and hurling it into oncoming traffic.
“Nah,” he says. “Once you were done swearing at me, you were actually really sweet about it.”
Jason trudges the rest of the way across the room and slumps into the chair opposite Frank. He figures, at this point, he’s given Frank cause and opportunity to murder him. If Frank passed on his chance, he’s probably not interested.
“No sign of my phone?” he asks.
“Oh, found signs,” Frank says. “Looks like you broke it on somebody’s teeth.”
Jason sighs. “Goddamn it.”
“Can use mine,” Frank offers. He slides it across the table to Jason, all his motions so slow and measured that they don’t even make Jason feel seasick when he follows them. “If you can remember any number that isn’t for pizza.”
If Jason focuses past the ache in his head, he can remember Roy’s number. And Dick’s, too, although he’s really hoping it won’t come to that.
Jason picks up the unlocked phone and navigates to the call screen. “Thanks,” he says. “For not killing me. Or letting me be killed.”
Frank looks at him like he has no idea what to do with that. After a second, he stands up. “You want some coffee?”
“God,” he says. “Please, yes. Absolutely. And, like. Seventeen Advil.”
“Three Tylenol,” Frank says. “And you gotta eat toast.”
“Stop trying to save my life, Frank,” Jason says. “I’ve got it from here.”
Frank blinks at him, long and slow, and Jason’s not sure he could look more dubious if he tried.
“Fine,” Jason says. “Three Tylenol and some toast. Sounds great.”
Frank nods and sets off into the kitchen. Jason watches him go, memories shifting and settling in his head of Frank’s hands on the side of his face, carefully tipping him toward a light that hurt. An ice pack pressed gently to his skin, someone taking off his boots.
“You can borrow a shirt,” Frank calls back over his shoulder. “When you go. Yours was ruined.”
“Okay,” Jason says. “Thanks.” The dog sidles up next to him, presses its nose right into his palm. He dials Roy’s number as he scratches behind its soft, floppy ears. “I’m gonna take your dog, too.”
Frank looks over at him, eyes dropping immediately to the dog at Jason’s side and then rising to Jason. That resting murder face is still firmly in place, but Jason’s starting to learn how to see behind it, and there’s something like a smile back there, hidden behind the serious set of his mouth and the furrow between his brows.
“No,” Frank says. “Sadie stays.”
“Relax, Frankie,” Jason says, and Frank full-on rolls his eyes in the single most decisive display of emotion Jason’s seen so far.
“Don’t start that again,” he says. “My neighbors already left a shitty note.”
Jason hopes like hell that all his memories come back. Because while it sounds like there are parts of last night he’s happy to lose, there are other parts he kinda wants back.
Frank does that thing again where he doesn’t quite smile, and Jason grins back at him for a second before his face reminds him that emotive facial expressions aren’t really a good idea right now. He grimaces, and Frank’s smile disappears.
He ducks into the kitchen, and Jason presses ‘Call.’
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Lasting Embers part26: Feeling
She’s doing it, she’s actually doing it. After years of just resigning herself to the background like the other fan girls he had, Yujin is finally making a move on Lie Tenzen. Her best friend since diapers and crush ever since she was about ten. The moment came for her to finally come up for air and she unfortunately broke off the lip lock. Surprisingly he never retreated from it; he actually leaned into it? Or at least that’s what it seemed like to the girl who’s face was now starting to turn red like her Aunt’s cape. The realization of what she just did slowly sinking in as he stares blankly into her eyes as she covers her mouth in disbelief.
Tenzen:Did you....*red* did you just- *mouth covered*
Yujin:I am so sorry for that! Things were getting emotional, I’m a mess right now, it just seemed appropriate and I-
Tenzen:It’s fine, totally fine hehe. I just wasn’t expecting it at all. Yujin, do you-
Yujin:LET’S NOT OKAY!? I.....I have a lot of things flying through my head right now okay? So uhh, rain check?
Tenzen:*Smiles* Sure thing, rain check it is Jin.
Yujin:.....
Tenzen:......
Yujin:Please start talking, I don’t care about what.
Tenzen:R..Right! So uh, feel any better in the slightest?
Yujin:Honestly.....hard to tell. *looks at hands* I definitely don’t feel as anxious but that’s as far as it goes I think. *frowns* I’m still so upset about everything.
Tenzen:Well that’s different.
Yujin:What is?
Tenzen:Admitting your feelings openly. You did it with no real struggle; I count that as progress.
Yujin:Oh, didn’t even notice......I guess you’re right.....
Tenzen:*frowns* You don’t sound too excited or happy about that.
Yujin:Tenzen, do you hate anyone? Like genuinely hate them?
Tenzen:Hmmm *leans back* nah, I don’t think I do. Hasn’t happened yet I suppose.
Yujin:What about the guy who hurt you and your mom.
Tenzen:Oh, that guy....well that’s a weird one. I definitely had no fuzzy feelings for him what’s so ever but I think I was too busy taking in everything that was happening. I was doing a lot of acting and reacting to really notice how o was feeling.
Yujin:Oh.....that doesn’t help much.
Tenzen:Thinking about your mom?
Yujin:*tenses up* It’s just....anytime I think about her something inside me wants to scream. The thought of looking at works me up until I see nothing but red like a child!
Tenzen:.....
Yujin:But.....there’s something else too. When I look at her it feels like....like my heart aches. I want to drop to me knees and surrender to it; stop fighting entirely. What the hell does that even mean?
Tenzen:I don’t know in the slightest. However, I do know I’ve never seen you in hate someone before and I doubt with all your feelings towards her that hate is the right word. Maybe there isn’t a word in the first place.
Yujin:*flops onto her back* Well that certainly doesn’t make things easier.
Tenzen:*stands up* Maybe sparring would help. You always think better while you’re moving anyways.
Yujin:Even if I was in the right mindset and my sword was fixed, I’d still say no. In all these years I’ve never once beaten you and adding to the lose streaks won’t help my mood.
Tenzen:I’ve never fought you with your semblance before. Could be the edge you need? *smiles*
Yujin:Last time I checked you didn’t use yours either to keep things fair. Sorry man, don’t feel like sweating.
Tenzen:If you say so. Anyways, I know I haven’t stayed long but I think I start heading back. We’re on borrowed time after all....
Yujin:Yeah.....*sits up* Tenzen? It uh...means a lot that you took time to help me. *red* So thank you and all that jazz. I’d be lost without you.
Tenzen:Nah, eventually you would’ve worked it out yourself. If you didn’t pass out from lack of food first that is.
Yujin:Hey I-
Tenzen:*kisses her forehead* Take care okay?
Yujin:*blushing* Sure thing....
And just like lightning, he was gone in an instant. That always seems to be his style; appear when no one expects it and leave just as fast. Literally more often than not, yet he also when to slow down and soak in everything around him; never leaving someone behind. Truly he has both Ren and Nora’s blood flowing through his veins. Now Yujin sits alone with nothing but her thoughts swarming and a scroll in her hand with Yang’s number in it.
Yujin:.........*puts it down* (Not today, not right now....) I wonder, what are you to me?
[Tai’s house, Day 4]
For the pass few days it’s been fuller than usual. Tai and Raven have actually been absent as of late to spend their week alone. Currently Ruby and Yang have occupied their old home with Jaune coming over constantly. Even more boxes and papers have surfaced with old memories that could help Yang give any sort of comfort to her daughter. Things were coming along pretty nicely; they might actually be done already if their wasn’t the want to satisfy other needs while they had the chance.
Yang:*waking up in Jaune’s hoodie* (hmmm must’ve passed out again.) *looks right*
Ruby:*toppless and asleep under the sheets*
Yang:*smiles* (You went from denying every aspect of sharing to actively joining us in bed several times. Hehe I wonder how dad would feel? Maybe it’s a family thing?)
The older sister carefully slips out of the bed and heads downstairs to find her husband. Sure enough he’s on the computer helping them get things done.
Yang:*drapes over him* Good evening handsome. Working hard I see.
Jaune:Just finishing up files Ruby was transferring over; she still asleep?
Yang:Out like a light. You did a number on her this time around. *kisses his ear* I’m almost jealous hehehe.
Jaune:Maybe I planned all of this? What if I wanted you to wake up first so we can spend time together alone?
Yang:Ooooo knowing you I can’t say that isn’t possible. Well we’re alone, so what’s the next step of this plan.
Jaune:Like you don’t already know. *smiling*
Both of them start laughing and kissing for a moment; enjoying the company of one another.
Yang:Alright that’s enough sexy time for now. I have things to write. *walking to the table*
Jaune:You day that but came down here with no pants.
Yang:So you can watch me walk to the table. That was my master plan.
Jaune:*Smiles*.......I’m going to miss you.
Yang:......believe me, the feeling is mutual. *starts writing* You I’ve been thinking....
Jaune:About what?
Yang:How I wouldn’t be wrong of you if you did find someone else.
Jaune:.......Did Yujin say something?
Yang:Nothing I didn’t already know. Only a truly good man would wait for as long as you did with no guarantee of anything good. For all you know I could’ve been dead.
Jaune:Yeah but I had faith. I know how tough you are and I knew I’d see you again.
Yang:But that’s the thing Jaune, you didn’t. *grips pencil* I could’ve kept you waiting for the rest of your life and that gets to me. Faith is a wonderful thing to have but I don’t want you relying on it. So promise me this time around you’ll-
Jaune:I am not going to see or even attempt to see anyone while you’re away.
Yang:Please be fair here. I couldn’t live with myself if you ended up-
Unknowingly to Jaune, his daughter is more like him than he knows. Instead of letting Yang finish her thought he pulls her into a more loving kiss. It catches her off guard but she melts into it quickly. After many years apart it’s still amazing how such simple contact never stops being so comforting.
Yang:*blushing* I love you. Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do. *leans on him* Yet I feel like it’s the only thing I’ve been doing to you recently.
Jaune:*rubs her head* There’s not a day I went by I didn’t feel your love. I’m always going to feel your love, even till the bitter end. So if you’re really worried about me there’s only one to solve it.
Yang:*staring at him longingly*.....
Jaune:*grins* Fight your way back to me and never stop. You’ve come back home before so a second time should be no problem. *holds her face.* I will greet you with open arms just like before.
Yang:*tearing up* Please kiss me again?
Jaune:I’ll take that as you’ll do it? *kisses her*
Yang:Yes, heavens yes. Sigh, second time should be easier right? I’m a pro at this.
Ruby:*on the stairs* We’re both pros, and this will definitely be easier.
Jaune and Yang:....How long have you been there?
Ruby:Long enough to know you both have kissed at least five times in like eight minutes.
Jaune:So what you’re saying is this was actually all your plan?
Ruby:Something like that. Speaking of plans, besides trying to figure out how to transfer everything onto that stupid lap top I’ve been running scenarios with Adam about the mission. Or at least I was until he texted me that he was ordered to not think about work for the entire week.
Yang:.......When did you get his number?
Ruby:I’ve had his number for years. Like around Yujin’s birth. Actually, I think it might of been the day she was born.
Yang:You told me you were busy helping Blake set up her orginization when I was in labor!
Ruby:Yeah.....and Adam was there. Why is that surprising?
Yang:Because I’m just now realizing that man has been all up and through my family tree. Next time I see him all three of us are having a chat. *huffs*
Ruby:Oh don’t be such a-
The ringing of Jaune’s scroll cut her off. In that moment he remembered something extremely important that sort of slipped through his mind while he was juggling all these different problems. Reluctantly he answered the phone.
Jaune:Hey Yu-
Yujin:IT HAS BEEN TWENTY SEVEN HOURS SINCE YOU HAVE LEFT!!!!! What happened to “I won’t be gone too long!?”
Jaune:Yeah I’m sorry. I meant to call you and tell you that I was going to stay the night, my bad. There were things I needed to do.
Yujin:Did these things have red and blonde hair?
Ruby:HA!!!! *covers her mouth*
Yujin:Am I on speaker phone!?
Jaune:No you’re just loud. Also, for your information I’m actually doing work young lady.
Yujin:Uh huh.....
Jaune:*chuckles* You sound like you have more energy than yesterday, I’m glad. Are you eating again?
Yujin:Sigh....yes dad I’m eating. I got fresh air too.
Jaune:That’s a relief; did seeing Tenzen help any?
Yujin:.......*red* Yes
Jaune:*suspicious* He didn’t go in your room did he?
Yujin:Even if he did I had twenty seven hours to dispose of any evidence of what you’re implying.
Jaune:........
Yujin:No we stayed outside I promise.
Jaune:That’s a relief. *looks at Yang*
Yang:*writing*.........
Jaune:Hey, do you have a message for anybody while I have you here?
Yujin:Dad......
Jaune:Anything, literally anything at all.
Yang:It’s fine, don’t force anything babe. If she wants to speak to me then-
Yujin:*on speaker* I’m sorry I hit you.
Yang:.......
Yujin:.........*call ended*
Ruby:Well, that’s something at least. Bare minimum but it’s something.
Yang:I’ll take it.
Jaune:*smiles*
Yujin:*on her porch*.....(that was harder than I thought, a lot harder.) *looks at her hands*
A brief exchange was enough to make them clam up and a bit shaky. It almost felt like she wasn’t breathing for a second either has her chest had a burn in it now. Thankfully her stomach seemed to feel fine for the most part; just a bit awkward like there’s a knot in it. Being like this was slowly driving her up a wall though in the worst way possible; she felt so vulnerable and frustrated with herself.
Yujin:(Get a grip already Yujin. Stop acting like you just seen a pack of beowolves charging in front of you. It was just a phone call; a really hard phone call.) *takes a breath* Why was it though? If it’s not hate then what is it!!? What is going on with me.
Against her wishes she could feel her eyes watering a little. Crying got old the first time yet it was beginning to happen more often; each was easier then the last. The old Yujin would wipe them furiously but lately letting them flow freely was something she’d preferred. Plenty of people have told her before that crying was healthy but that didn’t make her feel better about it. To her it felt like a loss of progress and strength. Yang might not be someone she hates but she was definitely hating this situation. Now more than ever she just needed something to distract her and luckily the answer was few feet away, still broken on the ground.
Yujin:*picks up her weapon* I’ve neglected you haven’t I? Sorry about that, I should know better than anyone not to do that. Fixing you seems impossible but maybe I could melt you down and make something better, stronger even?
........
Yujin:*closes her eyes* I’m actually talking to a broken sword. Rock bottom never felt so deep. Oh well, just because I’m broken doesn’t me you have to be. Let’s put my skill to the test....
[Menagerie, Oasis]
Jael:Hey have you seen dad? We are supposed to go look any other spot to create an Oasis.
Sienna:Last time I saw him he was outside I think. *filing her nails* He seemed busy with something.
Jael:Was he know.....*floats to the roof*
Adam:*texting* “Listen Ruby that plan is really dangerous but I think with a little-” *scroll flies out his hand*.......
Jael:*Reading it* Seriously...?
Adam:.......
Adam:It was really bothering me okay?
Jael:You just can’t help yourself can you? I thought we were clear that this was supposed to be a work free environment for seven days?
Adam:Sorry, relaxing was never something I was good at.
Jael:*frowns* I know from experience. I just thought this time you’d last longer than four days.
Adam:....Can you float this way please?
Disappointed or not, she floats towards him and sits in front of him with her legs crossed. He quickly sat behind her and started messing with her ridiculously long hair. It always felt nice when he did her hair. No matter what style he decides it always looked perfect, so she didn’t even bother to put in a request.
Jael:Three more days then you’re out of here. Makes me wish the days were longer.
Adam:Try not to count down the time. Things seem to happen quicker that way.
Jael:That means you’ll be gone faster.
Adam:It also means I’ll be back before you know it.
Jael:*groans*
Adam:Admit it, that was good.
Jael:It was, that’s why I’m groaning.
Adam:When are you going to cut all this? It’s at your hips
Jael:*red* If it’s shorter then these sessions we have would be too.
Adam:.....*hugs her from behind* Everything you do really is for me isn’t it?
Jael:Not everything, just most things. Is that weird?
Adam:No, just don’t get caught up in it okay? Thinking “how would Adam see/handle this” is definitely not gonna work most times. Thinking like your mom though, can’t go wrong with that. I’m living proof.
Jael:Tell that to the rest of Remnant.
Adam: I’ll leave that in your capable hands. Unless there’s another dream that you want more.
Jael:No, everything is the same. Leave changing world views to me. People need to have more of an open mind.
Adam:Speaking of having an open mind.
Jael:Please don’t make this about something to do with Yu- your other disciple. *tensing up* The week is supposed to shut her out too.
Adam:(Won’t even day her name now.) Let me say at least one thing. Trust me, it’s something that you should keep in mind.
Jael:Alright....
Adam:I have no doubt one day you’ll eventually meet. When that happens I want you to at least make an effort to keep things civil. How can you change people’s minds if you yourself can’t keep an open one.
As much as she loved her dad, it was frustrating when he was right. He was always right! Once again all she can do is acknowledge that and keep it in mind.
Jael:Make an effort, I can....at least attempt that for the sake of my dream.
Adam:I’m not telling you to be her best friend or anything but who knows? *turns her around* Maybe after you meet her something as crazy as that could happen.
Best friends? It was true Jael was desperately craving to be around people her age that might actually like her but having Yujin as a friend seemed far fetched; and he put the word “best” in front of it. Jael knew full well that right now hate was too small of a word to express her feelings but she also knew that wasn’t exactly good. Hate is what got the name Taurus in such a sorry state to begin with.
Jael:Peer, I will treat her no less than a peer if we meet. That’s all I can promise.
Adam:Seems fair, I finished your hair by the way. Now you have braid to make moving easier. Kept the bang you had too. *pushes it away from her left eye*
Jael:Do I look as cool as you?
Adam:As cool as me? Pfft you’re the cool one. I mean your last name is even Frost.
Jael:Ugh, dad jokes don’t have to be apart of the experience.
Adam:Too bad, you asked for The whole package.
The two laugh and remain on the roof; enjoying the evening sky. More importantly, enjoying each other’s company.
#rwby#rwby lasting embers#yujin xiao long#lie tenzen#ruby rose#yang xiao long#jaune arc#adam taurus#sienna frost#jael frost#rwby dragonslayer#sunflowyr 2.0#rwby lancaster
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Pocket Chocolate: Chapter 4, New Set of friends
*FLASHBACK* (5th grade, after school)
Mark: Y/N this is my buddy justin
Y/N: Ummm ?.... Justin?
Mark: Yeah, you know I thought it would be cool if we all could hang out together and maybe be friends.
Y/N: I don’t wanna be friends with him *sassily*
Mark: Why not?
Y/N: He’s not you
Justin: Umm... I’m just gonna go home...see ya Minhyung *waves as he runs off*
Y/N: *mocks him* see ya Minhyung. What is that ? Only I can call you Minhyung.
Mark: Everyone can call me Minhyung because its my name. You’re literally acting like a child.
Y/N: Why do you want a new friend all of a sudden, you don’t wanna be mine anymore ?
Mark: Y/N... Come on.
Y/N: Come on nothing, You don’t wanna be my friend anymore.
Mark: I never said that Y/N
Y/N: You don’t have to...
Mark: Are you mad at me?
Y/N: I should be.
Mark: I didn’t do anything, I just wanted to make us a set of friends.
Y/N: Yeah, A set of new friends...
Things were so much more simple back when you were kids. That same afternoon he invited you over to his house to watch movies and play video games. You looked up and it was 8:00 and you knew you couldn’t be out past 8, especially on a school night. You and Mark ran back to your house and he hoisted you to your bedroom window. “So we cool ?” Mark asked as he strained himself to look up in your window. “ Definitely” you responded smiling to him. He took his hands off your window sill that supported him and shoved them back down in his pockets as he went home. Moving his hands through the thought to be empty space he found a plastic-feeling piece of something. He snatched it out of his pocket and it was the wrapper from his piece of the snickers you broke in half an shared with him earlier that day. He stared at it for a while and then looked back at your house with your once illuminated window gone black in result of you turning off your lamp. It reminded him that you would always be there for him. He could count on you and you could count on him. As sure as you would share your piece of pocket chocolate with him.
*PRESENT DAY* (NCT Dorm)
5:30 AM
The blaring noise of the alarm clock awoke everyone simultaneously. The disheveled boys arise from each of their beds. Shoving covers blankets and pillows alike from their person. The slight shifts and shuffles coming from the boys slipping on their house shoes and dragging their feet across the hardwood floor. Some go directly to the kitchen Like Johnny, to make a cup of coffee or drink some water or just get something in their system. While others form a line outside of the bathroom door. Patiently waiting to groom or relieve themselves for the first time today. In the midst of all the sleepy, groggy people up and trying their best to start their day. There was still Mark. Wide awake, he still layed in his bed. He stared at the ceiling. Not because he was angry, not because he was happy either, he was just thinking. As he was thinking the youngest walked past his room but then stopped and walked in.
Haechan: Mark, huyng ? Are you okay?
Mark: Yeah, I’m okay
Haechan: Then why are you still in bed we have to get up, we have things to do today.
Mark: I’ll be up in a minute.
Haechan: Johnny Hyung!!
Mark: I'm up now. (Sits up and gets out of bed)
Johnny: What's going on ?.....Mark you were still in bed ?
Mark: No I-.....
Haechan: Yes. (Interupts mark)
Mark: (scowls at Haechan) I was thinking about something.
Johnny: Okay Mark, cause you know I don't wannna have to tell Manager- nim that means 40 minutes after practice for all of us.
Mark: (Hangs his head down)
Haechan: What's wrong now ?
Mark: You. You're whats wrong with me Haechan.
Haechan: Whatever mark (squeezes his cheeks together) (walks off singing Monster by Exo)
Mark: (looking up to the ceiling) why ?
While Mark prepared for his Schedule. You were in a race against the clock that teased and taunted you with It's hands seeming to move every two minutes and not every second. You scramble around the dorm looking for your books and loose papers from your notebook. Remembering some people borrowed those for notes. You would look up and it would be 8:30 you look again and it would be 8:32. You yell at the clock in frustration. Rushing to put your papers and books into your backpack. In your fuss you awake your friend Erin.
Erin: What are you going skitso about at 8:35 in the morning.
Y/N: It's 8:35 oh god I was supposed to be on the train 2 minutes ago.
Erin: Calm down you can still make time. Relax. You will make Mr. Jung’s class
Y/N: But he's back today. And every second I'm not there is a piece of information I don't get, and every piece I don't get is a missed question on my review, and every missed question on my review is a miss- ...
Erin: (slaps her in the face) you okay now ?
Y/N: Yeah I think, thanks
Erin: Good, now go catch the next train before you have a panic attack. We'll catch up.
Luckily you make the train, but you have 2 minute delay. The engineer saw sparks coming off of one of the wheels on the rear car. Once the Train reaches it's destination you shoot out the doors over to the building across the street as quickly as possible. Inside the bulding you are still running 140 mph down the hallway. And anyone in your way might as well lay down so you can trample them. Bypassing and almost knocking down tons of people you make your way closer and closer to your destination. Down the hall last door on the left. Unfortunately you run full speed into a poor unsuspecting guy. Both of you guys belongings being knocked out of each others hands.
Y/N: Oh,죄송합니다 (joesonghabnida)
Man: Oh, It’s totally fine. It’s my fault really I wasn’t paying attention
Y/N: You speak English ?
Man: You speak Korean?
Y/N: Well a little, I’m not quite fluent yet.
Man: I studied English in Luxembourg from my middle to high school career.
Y/N: Wow that’s interesting. I’m Y/N and you ?
Man: I’m Minjae, Song Minjae
Y/N: You have such a beautiful name. I love it
Minjae: Thank you, you know your name doesn’t sound so bad either.
Y/N: Oh thank you, well I have to get to class. See you around
Minjae: Wait, I’m gonna go grab a bite to eat after class. Would you like to come with me ?
Y/N: Sure after class
You get into class with at least a minute or two to spare. You take your usual seat sandwiched between two empty chairs reserved for your friends. Your friends come in seconds after you. They take their places beside you.
Valerie: Who was that hunk that you rammed in the hallway
Y/N: You saw that ?
Erin: Yes, another magnificent fumble from the tales of Spaz Master
Y/N: One more joke about my mental health and I swear (speaking through clenched teeth)
Erin: (mimics you) “Every second I’m not there is a piece of information I miss” wah wah wah
Y/N: Whatever, I won’t be going with you guys after class.
Erin: What gives ?
Y/N: I have plans.
Valerie: With the hunk-sicle you ran over before class?
Y/N: Maybe ?
Valerie: I want all the juicy dets when you get back.
Mr. Jung walks in and silence routinely befalls the class, as it should. Mr. Jung commands that kind of respect. His class is not the easiest to get in or stay in. So it pays to be very quiet and listen.
Mr Jung: Good Morning class, I trust you had a great day yesterday. Welcome back to Business and Marketing, There are only a few weeks left in the final semester which also means the deadline of your FFB project is rapidly approaching. With that your weekly assignment won’t be too strenuous. This week we will focus on the inner workings of marketing. and just how can anything be marketed ? In light of that I ask you to conduct an interview with someone who has a specific talent. May it be writing, singing, dancing etc. How is their talent marketable, if so how did they bring it to it’s final form of being marketable. For now I would like you to turn to page 380 in your BMT books (Business and Marketing Today) and complete the previous assignment, if you have look over your grade online and if you have any questions come talk to me. Do not wait until after class because I will not be here. i will leave the exact same time you do and I will not answer any questions.
While your friends worked diligently out of their books. You opened up your laptop you pulled out of your backpack. You go to the student portal on the universities website. You click under the grades tab and your grade is still the same. A steady 92% Soon you started to wonder. What if you don’t do the project. You get up out of your seat and walk over to Mr. Jung’s desk where he is engrossed in the newspaper. He peaks up at you from over the news paper.
Mr. Jung: May I help you Ms. (Your last name)
Y/N: Yes Mr. Jung I was wanting to talk to you about my grade is all.
Mr. Jung: Is there something wrong ?, you have an 92 % and you do the majority of my work.
Y/N: Yes I know, I was wanting to see how it would reflect on my grade if I didn't do the project.
Mr. Jung: Do you plan on not completing the project.
Y/N: Well...yes- but no-but also yes
*Bell Rings*
Mr. Jung: Ms. (Your Last name) I highly recommend you start and/or finish that project as soon as humanly possible. It is worth 25% which is a fourth of your overall grade.
Y/N: But I-...
Mr. Jung: *cuts you off * It is after class Ms. (Your Last name). Talk to me in the morning.
You walk out of class and your friends are waiting by the door for you. They take either arm and bombard you with questions about the guy you dodge rammed in the hallway.
Valerie: So Y/N !? tell us. what’s up with the guy you almost ran over in the hallway.
Y/N: His name is Minjae, Song Minjae.
Valerie: Minjae ? that has a nice ring to it.
Y/N: Yeah well I gotta go guys. I’ll see you later at the dorms
*3 HOURS LATER*
You and Minjae were sitting outside at a coffee shop near the Uni (university) sipping iced macchiatos talking over the assignment. You both came to a mutual agreement to interview each other.
Minjae: We could but that’s predictable almost expected we interview as classmates.
Y/N: Then what do you suggest ?
Minjae: I have a friend who works at SM as a talent scout and manager he has very close ties with all the groups and their staff. *pulls out phone* here’s me him and super junior, and me and him with EXO.
Y/N: Wow that’s impressive
Minjae: Sometimes it’s not what you know, but who you know.
Y/N: So you’re saying you could get me an interview with them ?
Minjae: Say the word Y/N and I have it.
Y/N: What’s the catch .
Minjae: No catch, just dinner with me.
Y/N: I should’ve seen that coming.
Minjae: Y/N you’re gorgeous. I just want to treat you how you should be treated.
Y/N: *stammering*
Minjae: *grabs you hands and looks in your eyes*
Minjae keeps you like this for a while you both just stare at each other and a slow but sure smile spreads across your face. You feel comfort in his big brown eyes. You didn’t notice Mark come in with Johnny talking and laughing until you catch him staring at the both of you out the corner of your eye. You immediately snap out of your daze with Minjae and pull yourself to usual. quickly getting your book and looking at it you decide to acknowledge Mark even though he has seen you first though.
Y/N: Oh hey Mark, come on over.
You signal towards him and he comes over there. You promptly stand up and introduce him To Minjae. Minjae stands up and shakes Mark’s hand.
Y/N: Yeah so what brings you here Mark.
Mark: You know Johnny has to have at least 3 iced Coffees a day
Y/N: *laughs* Mark you are so sill
Mark: But what about you ? what brings you here ?
Y/N: Oh me and my project partner Minjae have a project due we need some place fairly quiet.
Mark: Oh okay well have fun.
Mark thought of you and thought of life watching you be happy with someone else. It took him right back to that day in elementary. Someone else putting that smile he loved so much right on your gorgeous face and he couldn't bare it. For the second time in life he was .......
Jealous
I am far from done. I want you guys to get ready cause. I'm kinda gonna be turning these out like clockwork so if you really love this series then get ready for a marathon of chapters to read
Love
-Kayla
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coming out!
okay, so, maybe i should start at the beginning?
yeah, okay. here we go.
history
as far back as I can remember, i’ve had crushes. like, almost an abnormal amount for such a young kid ahahah. want proof? every year of school I had a crush on at least one person, holy fuck. good god, i would have so many crushes on these random boys i never even talked to and i’d be in a constant dreamy state due to it.
i would watch movies and dream of experiencing the same things those women (who are literally faking love) portray on television.
i had my real first kiss at 5, with a girl
actually, she was the furthest I ever went with anyone, later on.
my “first kiss”, you know, the one that’s ‘the first’ as a pre-teen where it’s all awkward and shit, i had behind a library at 14
but when he kissed me, or rather, when I grabbed his face and kissed him because he was too hesitant to make the first move…
i felt nothing.
you know in movies, books, for god’s sake even songs, that thing…that tingle? apparently there’s this tingle you’re supposed to get? or that feeling you get when you’re with someone you ‘like-like’ -since we’re talking about 14 year olds
I didn’t feel that attraction, I didn’t feel anything. when we dated for a short period of time — the way grade nines do, you know — i felt nothing.
I mean, I wasn’t expecting to fall in love with him, we hadn’t known each other that long, but when I say nothing happened, like I didn’t feel a single thing. before, during, and after.
we broke up a few days later due to my lack of affection, and of course the fact that he wanted someone else.
when we broke up, I didn’t get mad, didn’t get upset, didn’t feel anything.
I was just trying to follow the ‘normal teenager’ thing to do.
being 14, i just wanted to be as normal as possible.
experience
so then, i kept trying.
because to a 14 year old a boyfriend was such a big priority.
i made friends with a nice boy, we’re still friends to this day
what a great guy he is, and i’m honestly so glad he found someone he can spend his life with
we hit it off back the same year, 2014, everything was great
but then something shut off.
that was the start of me thinking there was something legitimately wrong with me for 6 years
right before we were about to date,
my whole opinion of him changed in literally in a blink.
like, it all shut off, that feeling… like, the attraction?
so, since all those feelings just *disappeared*, so did I out of his life.
this was a continuous thing from grade 9 to present day, ever since I started dating.
every single time I would go out with a guy, within days I would lose all feelings
and the weird part was that it never bothered me.
I never felt sad for losing feelings.
they just switched off as soon as we got close.
and the whole time, I thought there was always something wrong with me
like, there was nothing wrong with these people, most of my ex’s are quality* people!
*although there was one guy I dated who threatened me and told me to “drop dead” bc i broke up with him due to this ‘problem’ I thought I had. so that wasn’t really cool tbh
I kept trying so hard to find someone who I didn’t instantly lose feelings for as soon as we got close
i went through 27 people, in those 6 years, and every single one I lost feelings for instantly either right before being asked to be their girlfriend, or days after we started dating.
i always thought there was something wrong about me, and i hated myself for it.
i resorted to ghosting to every person who tried to get to my heart because the feelings were never mutual in my case,
for 6 years i ghosted so many people — even before it was called ghosting
and looking back now I can acknowledge that it was so wrong to do that…if I had the mind i did when i was 14 and started experiencing this, i wouldn’t of resorted to ghosting.
but the idea of spending one more single day with a person i had lost all feelings for... to the point where it would make me uncomfortable to even be near them, was too much for me to handle.
so i broke up with the past partners, and ghosted the could-have-beens, so i wasn’t feeling this horrible discomfort, and i didn’t want to lie to them and fake my feelings for their happiness... because in my eyes that’s worse.
2018 me would have totally given an explanation bc ghosting is not cool at all.
i just shut out their feelings, because mine were already gone prior.
being i didn’t know what was ‘wrong’ with me, this was the only option in my eyes.
fast forward to last year (2017)
i met someone, we really clicked well, everything was going great, he showed me the classiness of dating that no one had shown me before
but it still happened (gosh darn)
I lost every feeling that i was trying so hard to hold onto
but no matter how hard my grip was, it always slipped out of my fingers.
obviously now i see that ghosting is such a dick move lol
so i actually gave him an explanation! he became the first guy I came out to! (further on the coming out part in like 5 or 6 sentences i know this is so long)
realization
in october 2017 i started digging deep into how i function as a person and trying to learn more about who i am..
i started to research a little, but gave up quickly.
like how do you try and explain in the google search bar that every time anyone tries to get close with you, you lose all feelings and shut them out instantly?
then it hit me
my voice in my head literally said to me ‘oh shit what if i’m asexual’
i spent the next 72 hours in my room researching everything about asexuality.
i found out there’s nothing wrong with me, and holy fuck was that a weight of my shoulders.
i discovered so much information and found out there are so many different kinds of asexuality.
the way ash hardell explained it in such depth... it’s like everything made sense. it’s like when she gave the definition for lithromantic/sexual it was about me.
i was so relieved, man you have no idea how relieved i was.
all of a sudden this ‘problem’ i had wasn’t a problem.
november 3rd 2017 to my mom, dad, and my best friend of 7 years, I came out as asexual.
i was so scared. like, usually i never get nervous. tests? exams? psh, if anything i’m too laidback and unworried.
my mom said to me “life can be just as fulfilling without having to get married or date, you can have amazing friends and support without a significant other” she was so accepting and supportive.
my Conservative Christian father told me “well, maybe you haven’t met the right boy yet that’s all”
lol what the fuck
it’s like… if a man comes out as gay, and someone were to say “maybe you haven’t met the right girl yet that’s all”
funny enough, even when I told my close friend —at the time— who was coincidentally homosexual, he said the same thing to me, which baffles me because I would have thought him all people would understand the difficulty of coming out and having everyone judge you because you’re different.
and furthermore, for the next month, that "you just haven’t met the right guy” quote was all I heard from everyone.
i went silent for a year.
every person i told, granted it was only a few of close friends and my parents, told me the same thing.
pretty sure only one person didn’t use that line on me, so thanks anGeLiNa ilysm <3
lesson: if someone is coming out don’t say shit like
“maybe you just haven’t met the perfect guy yet”
bc if they’ve gone through the difficulty of this, they’re probably PRETTY SURE that’s not gonna be the ‘cure-all’ remedy.
for a year I held my tongue even though I knew the truth about myself, I was afraid of being stigmatized or told the same thing everyone else did.
until a few days ago, i was in this state of holding it all in for 13 months.
i was unsure if i should tell my new college friends, i was worried no one would like me. i feared stigmatization, i feared guys would think i was a prude
i didn’t want to spend all my time trying to explain a sexual orientation i didn’t even 100% understand myself
I always liked the concept of falling in love, it used to be all I’d think about when I was younger
I see young couples holding hands walking in stores or down the street and i sigh because i wish i had that.
the concept of love really got me.
I would still have these crushes too, but I would never pursue them just because I never had an interest to.. and when I would, I would lose feelings instantly because deep within I never wanted intimacy.
so in my sociology class last week, asexuality was the topic we were learning, and with that it brought everything back
like a year hadn’t even passed.
but this time i was determined for some answers.
when I came out to my family and keona (to me, she is also family) I was still hesitant… for god’s sake I was hesitant until yesterday.
I didn’t like the feeling of this label making me *doomed to never love* as I still like the concept of love
but I needed to be honest with what i really want
when I’m in a relationship, i’m not happy.
romantic reciprocation towards me makes me uncomfortable, it’s just who I am.
so why force it if it’s something i truly do not want?
it doesn’t make me sad anymore, it used to. I always liked the idea of dating having an S/O, but in reality, deep within, for me.. I do not want that. I simply like the idea. I can’t change me, as soon as I discovered asexuality, i no longer saw it as problem anymore — if anything it takes soooooooo much pressure off.
so yeah,
I still get attracted to guys. (and girls oooo fun additional tidbit)
still get crushes.
still walk by people and look them up and down bc damn hello *wink*
yeah i get horny i’m not a nun
yeah, i have a great personal sexual life
i’m not a fucking robot lol
yeah i’ll still flirt with you for fun
simply put: I just don’t want to be romantically or sexually close with someone else.
I have no desire to, and I’m okay with that
I’m still learning all of this as I go along,
i have wonderful friends who support and love me and that is all I could ever ask for <3
i don’t see the high point of my life to be having kids or getting married tbh, i don’t actually even see that ever happening.
no, life isn’t lonely, I love my solitude and I gain so much positivity and love from my family, friends, and the people around me.
yesterday (dec 10th) i finally accepted myself — after countless years of trying to do something i’m not programmed to do.
i’m asexual/aromantic
literally am the same person as i was yesterday, last week, and last year
all this is, is a label and an event of acceptance of myself
not changing anything about myself
I am simple acknowledging who i am, and letting it be known, so I can further accept it myself and grow ♡
with doing this, I feel SOOOOO good oh my GOD
this was such a happy thing for me to write! this is a day of freaking celebration!
like, i don’t have to keep trying be something i’m not and it feels wonderful
i can finally start focusing on my version of happiness instead of trying to accomplish the traditional happiness…which ironically never made me happy.
my #1 girl is named faith and i’m focusing on her happiness, and this was a big acceptance chapter I needed to get through in order for her to flourish further.
thank you for reading!
xx
tbh i’m not even going to proofread this so if there’s spelling mistakes my uPmOsT aPoLogiEs~
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hello friends i am trying to distract myself feel free to ignore
1. What question do you hate answering?
people asking me what’s wrong when the answer is something about me feeling suicidal bc i don’t like my irls knowing i guess?? it makes me uncomfortable when people know too much about me in that aspect i guess. it makes me uncomfortable when people too much about me in general lmfao
2. If you could be anywhere in the world right now where would it be?
not to be gay but my girlfriend’s arms lmfaooo but if she could come with me i’d love to go to Iceland
3. Do you have any obsessions right now?
i’ve been really into folk music and girl punk as of late lol and i also am trying to change up my wardrobe completely so i’ve been real into thrift shopping as well
4. Does anyone in your real life know you have a tumblr and do they follow you?
yes i have a few people who follow me and all they’re learning about me by following me is that i’m really sad and i like girls, which are things they already know so it’s chill
5. What is something you disliked about today?
i have been depressoooo bc my plans today got a lil fucked up so i had too much free time to think about how much i miss my gf, and i am trying not to talk about it too much but i am sad. it’s okay bc tomorrow i have a full ass day with all my best friends and that’s gonna be so good for me. just gotta get out of this house
6. What’s one thing that people compliment you on and you don’t know why they do that?
my smile bc i think my smile is ugly as all hell and i’m working really hard on smiling in pictures more and loving it but man idk. people tell me it’s nice but i don’t see it ig
7. Do you like bubble baths?
yes very much!!
8. Do you talk to yourself?
all the time, i’m the only one who listens to me
9. Are you a writer?
i used to write like, stories, which i wanna do again bc i have so many ideas floating around in my brain. for now i write a lot of sad poems or poems about how in love i am and then just not show anyone bc i’m insecure, but i have journals of em
10. What are somethings you’ve written?
i started this cute gay love story about two boys and one tried to kill himself by walking into traffic and the other was the one driving the car that hit him and the boy survived and met the other boy and they fell in love and shit and i got pretty far but i just sorta stopped so i wanna pick that back up sometime. i could see that one being a cute indie film
11. Has someone ever written something for you?
yeah my ex boyfriend wrote a heavy metal guitar solo for me if that counts lmfaooo but i’ve had a few poems written by some people i’ve had things with and then a long time ago a disgusting boy wrote a NSFW fanfiction about me and John Krasinski and i was underage and he was 28 so that was disgusting!
12. Have you ever gotten a love letter?
from my current gf yes, i also got one from a girl i met on a dating app like three years ago lmfao and one from a girl i had a thing with in 2015. i also got one in middle school from a boy who was like in love w me but like in a creepy way so that was not fun lol
13. Favorite quote?
it changes but right now it’s “turn soft and lovely any time you have the chance”
14. Name one book that you will always remember.
i really really loved The Outsiders i think it was one of my fave required readings in middle school
15. Name the top five things you spend the most time doing.
laying in my bed, hanging out w my gf, clothes shopping (esp when i don’t need it), working, drinking wine and crying probably
16. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?
hmm this is a variety but lately i like Sweet Talk by Saint Motel, RENTAL by BROCKHAMPTON, Fish on a Hook by Wild Rivers, the acoustic version of There, There by The Wonder Years, and of course Disco Tits by Tove Lo
17. What’s the highest you’ve accomplished in school?
i did this short film about drinking and driving that was awesome, and i also directed our school’s first lip dub w my best friend and that was honestly a major highlight for me
18. What do you do when you wake up?
i usually check my phone and lay there for like an hour sometimes an hour and a half and then i go shower
19. Morning showers or night showers?
moooorning
20. Beer or Wine?
wine, i am such a wine mom. i don’t entirely hate beer though
21. inside or outdoors?
outdoors if i’m somewhere green and pretty like the mountains. the mountains are honestly my happy place i love feelin small next to em and i wanna live somewhere where i’m surrounded by em
22. Morning or Night?
night if i’m with friends/gf, morning otherwise
23. Summer or Winter?
autumn
24. Rain or Sun?
sun !! rain makes me sad lately if i don’t have a lot of company with me
25. Ice-cream or Cookies?
cookies bc i’m lactose intolerant lmfao
26. Sweet or Salty?
salty
27. What is your favorite beverage?
i’m a water bitch. coffee comes second tho
28. Has any one person ever made you so angry that you couldn’t forgive them?
i thought i forgave em but i don’t think i can, i’m still mad. not like they said sorry anyway though
29. Are you outgoing or shy?
not shy just introverted
30. Has someone ever made you cry?
everyone makes me cry i’m literally a baby
31. Who are you looking forward to seeing?
my girlfriend when she gets hoooome, also my cousin if he comes in town to visit
32. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
yeah, a few people. when i was crushing on Caitlin before we started dating i had it so bad i would literally cry on my way home from hanging out with her because i was in love with her but she had no idea. it’s all good now i can kiss her all the time
33. Do you have a crush on anyone right now?
yeah my cute gf here is us from a week ago when it was snowing in TX and everyone was losing their goddamn minds
34. Does anyone have a crush on you?
i would hope my gf does
35. Do you still talk to your first crush?
actually yes lmfao every once in a while, he lives in Alaska now so we can’t hang out anymore though or we still would
36. Name a person you love?
Caitlin
37. Ever broken someone’s heart?
yes
38. Ever been heartbroken?
yes
39. Do you ever want to get married?
i know at some point i do but i’m very scared of rushing into it. marriage and the concept of it kinda freaks me out. not the committing to one person for life part bc i can do that, but idk. maybe bc it didn’t work out for my parents i don’t really see it as completely necessary when you’re in love and committed to someone to marry them, but i think i’ll probably still get married if my partner wants to. i’d be committed to them either way is all i’m saying
40. Who are five people you find attractive?
my girlfriend, Borns, John Krasinski, Zendaya, Donald Glover
41. What’s your dirtiest secret?
if i talked about it it wouldn’t be a secret would it
42. Has someone ever bought you a drink?
yes but not in the romantic gesture kinda way
43. Have you ever gone home with someone you just met on a night out?
i’ve gone to a girl i made friends with’s house after just meeting her once?? i didn’t stay the night though and it was for a party w mutual friends so nothing like what i’m aware this question is trying to imply
44. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
nope not at all
45. Why did your last relationship end?
i broke up with him bc 1. i wasn’t attracted to him anymore and most importantly, 2. bc he cheated on me
46. Would you get back with the person you were last in a relationship with?
absolutely not, plus i have a gf now who i love with my whole heart and dating anyone else sounds unappealing
47. Have you recently made any big decisions?
oh yeah, huuuuge ones. caved and got spotify premium yesterday and it saved my life
48. What has been your most favorite moment of 2017?
yikes it took me a few mins to think of one bc for the most part this has been a really awful year, but probably my first pride parade w my best friend!!
49. What did you do on April 7th, 2017?
that was the day before my birthday! i was probably just chillin and maybe having an existential crisis about turning 20
50. Are you excited for May 12th, 2017?
it already passed but i know around that time in my life i was taking a break from a lot of things that stressed me out and i was listening to a lot of Harry Styles so it was a good time probably
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1. 9. 7. 14. 17. 20. 24. 25. 29. 32. 35. 40. 42. 46. 50. 86. 91. 94. 100.
Oh boy. You must be in love with me or something. I probably know you. Chicken, just ask me ❤
1: What is the real reason you are confused right now?
I’m confused about a lot of things right now. I’m confused as to why you asked me so many things anonymously. You can totally just message me and ask anything you wanna know. I don’t bite. Not without consent, anyway. But I’m also really confused about a person I really like right now. I like them quite a lot. Kind of an embarrassingly massive crush. I’m not sure how they feel about me, and I’m too afraid to ask or push. They’re pretty aloof and distant sometimes, and I’m someone who needs consistent validation and affection in order to feel secure. I’m confused on whether or not I should hold on and hope things become closer, or cut my losses and not try for a relationship.
9: I bet you kissed someone last night, right?
No. It’s been a little while since I’ve kissed someone. I wish someone would kiss me tonight. I’ll give my address to anyone who wants to come kiss me, damn. I’m a slut for kisses. And cuddles.
7: What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on?
Probably cry. A lot. And then immediately harden my resolve to make them miserable. I deserve better and I deserve to be valued. The last person that cheated on me… well… Let’s just say I stole his girlfriend.
14: Is there someone who continuously lets you down?
My fucking self. And I have this friend… She’s pretty much the embodiment of Murphy’s Law. She’s always getting herself into these absolutely awful situations almost daily. I can’t even hang out with her anymore because something tragic happens to ruin it. She owes me money still. She promised she’d pay me back with interest, but that was over a month ago. She hasn’t even said anything about it.
17: Do you hate the person you fell the hardest for?
Yes. Falling for someone is really scary for me now because of him. I’m afraid of becoming attached to people now. I’m afraid of falling in love. I don’t trust it because experience has taught me that falling for someone means that I’m going to get fucked over. I hate him so much for ruining my happiness in every relationship since.
20: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?
I thought about the three people I care for most right now. My three most important people. My best friend, the person I’m in a relationship with, and the person I’m starting to develop feelings for.
24: Is there someone you wish you could fix things with?
Absolutely. @fetishforfresh. I know you’ve left tumblr. Probably forever. And I know you’ve left me. Probably forever too. I pushed you away. I was the shitty friend. All you’ve ever done is shown me love and compassion and kindness. I’m the fuck up. I’ve tried to call you every day and I only get your voicemail. I just wish you would talk to me again. I miss you. I love you. You were my best friend and I fucked up.
25: In the past week, have you cried?
Bitch, I cried yesterday. I cry several times a fucking week.
29: Do you have a best friend?
Yes! I have lots of best friends! But if I had to pick one, I’d say that my absolute bestie of all time is @thereisacactusinsideme. No joke, I wouldn’t be alive without this motherfucker. We’ve had fights, but everyone does. I think it says a lot that we can put our shit aside at the end of the day and realize that we mean too much to each other. I love you. You’re my family. When I’m with you, I feel safe. I feel home. I feel like nothing can hurt me because you’re there. You have my back, and you can bet your stretched out, shaven gay ass that I’ll always have your back too.
32: Are you mad at anyone?
Literally all of my exes and anyone close to them.
35: How many more days until your birthday?
155 days. July 4th is my birthday. Miss independence.
40: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
No. Every single person that I have ever kissed, I’ve done so deliberately and with great thought or enthusiasm behind it. Maybe long after the fact, but I’ve never lost sleep or felt shitty about kissing someone.
42: Are you available?
For you? Absolutely. Just be better than the last several douchebags I’ve been in relationships with. Trust me, the bar is set ridiculously low.
46: Do you regret anything?
I regret dating my very first boyfriend. Let’s just call him N. He was abusive. Both sexually and emotionally. I regret dating him, and I certainly regret not leaving him sooner than I did. I was with him for two years. That’s two years I’ll never get back. I hate myself for allowing myself to be so weak and in such a dangerous position. I should’ve done something sooner.
50: Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like?
Because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m too clingy or too needy. They come off as the sort of person who is very nonchalant about relationships. I don’t think they take it seriously. I don’t want to be out there with serious emotions when they’re not putting themselves out there for me too. I want something consistent and stable where I don’t have to second-guess that I’m cared about and wanted. Mainly because I’m just fucked up from past shit. That and… I guess you could say I’m trying the polyamory thing. I’m afraid of being involved with too many people at once. Right now, It’s only a serious romantic attachment with one person. But this person that I like… well… I don’t know if I’m ready to pursue them as well. I don’t know if they want me. I don’t know if it’s mutual.
86: How can I win your heart?
Kiss me a lot. Cuddle me a lot. Always hold my hand, even if it’s getting sweaty. If you’re too far away for that, skype me. All the time. Every day. Make it so that I don’t even feel the distance. Message me when we can’t skype. I want to be a part of your everyday life, and vice versa. Tell me everything. Past, present, and future. I’ll listen. Ask everything about me. I’ll tell you. I’ll be completely honest. I won’t hold anything back. Above all, don’t let me second-guess that you care. Be open about how you feel towards me, and always remind me. Always tell me things that make me giggle and blush, or stubbornly deny them because I don’t think very highly of myself sometimes. Make me always feel safe around you. Be spontaneous. Be silly and crude and vulgar and random. Watch movies, tv shows, and anime with me. Play minecraft with me. Play any PC game with me. Shower with me. Be with me when I’m having an anxiety attack. Hold me as I cry and hyperventilate. Tell me to keep breathing. If I ever tell you that I need to be alone, don’t let me be alone. I say that because I actually want to be with someone, but I’m too stubborn to ask for help. Be my best friend.
Just… give me everything and I fucking swear to you that I’ll give everything back.
91: If you’re single right now, do you wish you were in a relationship?
I want a relationship more than anything right now. A stable, healthy, consistent relationship. I don’t want any doubts or fears. I just want to be happy with someone and have them be happy with me too. The relationship I’m in right now is pretty troubling. I’d leave him if I had a safer person to be with. I’d leave him if there was someone I loved more.
Honestly, I’m his plan-B. He’s 18 and he had a 16-year-old girlfriend before me. Her parents found out about the age difference and made her leave him. But.. he’s still in contact with her. He still loves her more than anything. He loves her more than me. He’s just… settling for me. He’s settling for me until she’s legally an adult. He’s waiting for her and setting a time limit on me. I feel so shit about the whole thing.
I want someone who can just… be with me. No complications.
94: Name four things that you wish you had!
Money to pay for the tuition of the college I want to go to. A partner I feel completely secure with. A new phone because mine is super old and broke as hell. A consistent job.
100: Anybody on Tumblr that you’d go on a date with?
Yeah. Fuck yeah. Date me. Sorry for calling y’all out.
@abovethepeople @fetishforfresh @monsterinmybloodstream @shap-kid (woops my secret is out, I’m a shitlord) @thereisacactusinsideme (Too bad you like dick in your ass) @corrupttheinnocence @imperatorsapphiosa @gravitymango @too-bored-for-you
honestly like all of my mutuals. I’ll date em all. You guys rock.
Anyway! Thanks for that, anon! You gave me a nice therapeutic introspection hour. I kinda cried a lot while typing up #86, but oh well. That was fun. Please don’t be shy. Message me.
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ALEX THERE ARE TWO HUNDRED OF THESE PLS
200: My crush’s name is: Nupur199: I was born in: is this asking for time or place198: I am really: too tired to be dealing with this rn197: My cellphone company is: verizon I think196: My eye color is: brown. like 20% hazel-ish if you squint195: My shoe size is: 9 1/2194: My ring size is: uh193: My height is: 5′5″192: I am allergic to: capital pi191: My 1st car was: lol190: My 1st job was: working as a Hebrew teacher? That is. Still my job.189: Last book you read: Invisible Man for school, Adaptation by Melinda Lo outside of it, and I’m currently working on a book written about Tolkien.188: My bed is: A CASTLE IT’S THE BEST BED OKAY187: My pet: Sasha and Maya, the bestest cats186: My best friend: “””””””””””””””””you”””””””””””””””””” that’s a lie it really is you
185: My favorite shampoo is: I use Pantene but like. I don’t really think of shampoo in terms of favorites?184: Xbox or ps3: what are those183: Piggy banks are: c u t e182: In my pockets: money, quarters, this one teabag that I keep forgetting to do anything with, and occasionally small wrappers.181: On my calendar: your birthday!180: Marriage is: classy179: Spongebob can: sponge the bobs but can he rob the mobs?178: My mom: a great and good and amazing mom177: The last three songs I bought were? Three individual movements of Johan de Meij’s Lord of the Rings symphony176: Last YouTube video watched:175: How many cousins do you have? 4174: Do you have any siblings? 1173: Are your parents divorced? nope172: Are you taller than your mom? yup171: Do you play an instrument? DO I EVER170: What did you do yesterday? sure as heck not any calculus homework[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: I thought I did, until yesterday 3168: Luck: Yeah?167: Fate: I mean idk166: Yourself: “””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””sure””””””””””””””””””””””165: Aliens: I believe in the possibility, I’ve never pretended to know!164: Heaven: I wish I did more than I do163: Hell: nah162: God: *waves my hands in a squiggly agnostic way* not in like a biblical sense but in a unifying connect-y energy in everything idk161: Horoscopes: I mean I believe in them as concepts like. They exist. That’s a thing. I don’t buy into them but I like them all the same.160: Soul mates: 159: Ghosts: nnnnnah158: Gay Marriage: HELL YEAH157: War: not in so many words156: Orbs: what155: Magic: the elf sitting in my computer says yes[ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs153: Drunk or High: drugs are bad152: Phone or Online: Are these mutually exclusive? Online151: Red heads or Black haired: BOTH I mean red heads bc maedhros but I find both very attractive150: Blondes or Brunettes: brunettes all the way149: Hot or cold: how cot or how cold?148: Summer or winter: mmmeh147: Autumn or Spring: autumn!146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla!145: Night or Day: night as a concept, day as a time when I’m awake144: Oranges or Apples: apples. unless we’re talking clementines or mandarins here in which case...143: Curly or Straight hair: shrug?142: McDonalds or Burger King: I only eat organic kale cubes141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate what sort of a rigged survey is this (but okay I like all chocolates they are all good and great)
140: Mac or PC: ...............mac139: Flip flops or high heals: neither gross sneakers are good138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: I love how it’s not even pretty and poor but “sweet”, like what kind of asshole would say ugly and rich and have that be an official statement that they make.137: Coke or Pepsi: I don’t like fizzy drinks136: Hillary or Obama: I’m going to cry135: Burried or cremated: planted into a tree134: Singing or Dancing: BOTH133: Coach or Chanel: what does this mean132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are these people131: Small town or Big city: Once upon a time I would’ve said small town, but these past two years I’ve really come into my own as a citygirl.130: Wal-Mart or Target: target ofc129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: uh128: Manicure or Pedicure: I don’t have nails127: East Coast or West Coast: I mean I feel like I kind of have to say east126: Your Birthday or Christmas: my birthday lol christmas is. not a thing. that I celebrate.125: Chocolate or Flowers: I’ve always thought flowers were the cutest, but I’ve also always wanted chocolate the most124: Disney or Six Flags: Disney I guess? I’ve been to neither123: Yankees or Red Sox: what are sports[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: really really fucked up and unfortunate121: George Bush: which george bush120: Gay Marriage: I don’t have specific thoughts on this it’s just a thing that should be a thing that I want to be a thing119: The presidential election: let’s not118: Abortion: I think I would have a hard time getting one personally, but I would never presume to speak for everyone.117: MySpace: sure is a website116: Reality TV: oh you mean the sitcomarillion?115: Parents: parents in general? Or my parents? My parents are the best most understanding loving parents and I’m really lucky to have them114: Back stabbers: “””””pals””””””113: Ebay: a party112: Facebook: I sure don’t use that consistently. I only really made my account to check in with my mom’s account.111: Work: should be FUN AND LIFE ENRICHING WOA110: My Neighbors: a okay109: Gas Prices: priced108: Designer Clothes: designed107: College: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH LETS NOT106: Sports: ew105: My family: I LOVE MY FAMILY104: The future: L E T S N O T[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: I just hugged Benjamin goodnight a moment ago102: Last time you ate: I had eggs for dinner101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:100: Cried in front of someone: the real question is when is the last time I DIDNT cry in front of someone?99: Went to a movie theater: To see Hidden Figures the day after it came out!!98: Took a vacation: for a given value of “taken”...97: Swam in a pool: I honestly can’t remember96: Changed a diaper: Have I ever changed a diaper?95: Got my nails done: That one and only time at Lena’s birthday party where Elizabeth made me even though I didn’t want to.94: Went to a wedding: I can’t remember right now I’m too tired93: Broke a bone: 7th grade. Clarissa was there.92: Got a peircing: I got my ears pierced in fifth grade?91: Broke the law: I stole a firetruck to go to starbux90: Texted: 500 years ago in Vampire Scotland[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: u88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: I can’t think about this or I will cry87: The last movie I saw: Hidden Figures86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: going to Starbucks85: The thing im not looking forward to: calculus examinations84: People call me: Buttermay83: The most difficult thing to do is: answer all these questions in one go82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: what’s driving81: My zodiac sign is: capricorn!80: The first person i talked to today was: My cat?79: First time you had a crush: You already know this leave me alone78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: sometimes you and sometimes Benjamin but mostly JRR Tolkien77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: that time you said “I want an oreo” in class today76: Right now I am talking to: my own exhaustion75: What are you going to do when you grow up: gay marry74: I have/will get a job: what is this even asking73: Tomorrow: Thursday72: Today: Wednesday71: Next Summer: pre-college screaming70: Next Weekend: pre your birthday excitement!69: I have these pets: Sasha and Maya, the bestest cats68: The worst sound in the world: Dr. Propst67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Uzuki Kakinuma66: People that make you happy: lots of people, you know the people65: Last time I cried: :}64: My friends are: the actual absolute best friends in the world63: My computer is: trying its best62: My School: has a fire microwave GK GK WE ALL WE GOT61: My Car: what’s a car60: I lose all respect for people who: are in robotics59: The movie I cried at was: the singular movie???? who does this survey think I am?58: Your hair color is: dark brown!57: TV shows you watch: the Uzuki Files56: Favorite web site: mspadventures obviously55: Your dream vacation: to middle earth yes hello54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when I last gave birth to my uterus and almost died53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium rare?52: My room is: smallish, messish, comfy51: My favorite celebrity is: Yuna Kim50: Where would you like to be: in bed49: Do you want children: we’ve discussed this. I go back and forth48: Ever been in love: ye47: Who’s your best friend: this was literally already asked46: More guy friends or girl friends: what are guys45: One thing that makes you feel great is: not having to answer 200 questions in a row44: One person that you wish you could see right now: Uzuuuuuuuki43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nnnnnup42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: we started one at least?41: Have you pre-named your children: HAVE I EVER40: Last person I got mad at: horst39: I would like to move to: bed38: I wish I was a professional: bed. I mean artist[ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Reeses36: Vehicle: bus35: President: Guiney34: State visited: California sounds so cliche but. I mean.33: Cellphone provider: idc32: Athlete: Yuna Kim31: Actor: *mumbleslumbles*30: Actress: too many to choose from help29: Singer: selena gomez obvious28: Band: selena gomez and the slene27: Clothing store: my mom’s closet26: Grocery store: Publix25: TV show: Galavant, Stranger Things, Community in the earlier seasons...24: Movie: I watched Boy Meets Girl lately and it was Fantastic23: Website: fernferction.dert.nert22: Animal: snow leopard21: Theme park: harry potter. world.20: Holiday: Tubishvat19: Sport to watch: ice skating18: Sport to play: night tennis17: Magazine: Elves Weekly16: Book: let’s not open this can of worms I need to go to bed15: Day of the week: tuesday14: Beach: all beaches are great13: Concert attended: Midori performing the Mendelssohn left a really lasting impression on me forever12: Thing to cook: eggs11: Food: eggs10: Restaurant: Tuk Tuk Thai Loft 9: Radio station: GPB OBVIOUSLY8: Yankee candle scent: wat7: Perfume: no6: Flower: azalea5: Color: jewel tones4: Talk show host: Stephen Colbert3: Comedian: andrew hussie2: Dog breed: cats1: Did you answer all these truthfully? of course
I hope this satisfies u u hellspawn
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where to get really cheap car insurance
where to get really cheap car insurance
where to get really cheap car insurance
BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :insurancecostfinder.xyz
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i asked this question M5 s insurance be more to buy renter s insurance, disregarding a stop sign Due to the accidents age..location ( Central cali), unless it is a is the last thing insured on a business up the extra money what because right now He thinks I should cant afford the plan rolled into another car? paying when I separate insurance cost like humana bought my son a Just curious as I m retireing at 62 so is health insurance important? there any way I insurance? Any models to much do you think Hi~... I m in the really considering this kia,but higher if theres two how much insurance is i just got my and I haven t had is cheap in alberta, if i can trust and a good ride. laid off from work before you get a of IUI without insurance know which are goods fully come with Halifax them being my full won t work for me. driving a car, perhaps moped, with cheap insurance? .
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