#oh shit whaddup

[yourfaveissecretlysas]

this blog is so fucking funny

lol. Thanks.

[sugarstarlights]

I tested some shit out last night, I can reverse a lot of stuff with my new abilities, including physics, scents, chemical reactions, complex disassembly, and even consumption. Can't undo anything I myself ate though, that's already been absorbed. This is really fucking neat, I feel so powerful and proud of myself. 😇

[sowhat-whynot]

Pranking Hamzah with the calling my boyfriend “my friend”😝

Pranking him!

bf!hamzah x fem reader

──★ ˙ ̟🐇 ꩜ .ᐟ

You were out shopping by yourself, spending too much on random shit you didn’t need, while Hamzah was with Martin filming their youtube video. In the middle of trying on clothes, you had this brilliant idea to prank Hamzah. You’ve seen people trick their boyfriends by calling them “friend” and supposedly this makes your boyfriend annoyed.

-

As you walk into your apartment, Hamzah was already home and you thought now would be the perfect time to prank him.

“I went shopping! Do u want a haul?” You smiled.

“Sure, why not” he sat his phone down to give you his full attention.

You excitedly sat down next to him on the couch and you propped your phone up to start recording. This caught him a bit off guard but he didnt question it.

“Whaddup guys! Earlier I went out and bought some stuff, so I am going to show you guys. Also by the way, my friend’s here I’m going to show him too” you said.

Hamzah looked at you with a confused face but you ignored it and continued with your tiktok.

“Yall, look at this gorgeous babydoll top” you show off a red top then turned it to Hamzah which he replies with a nod.

“That’s nice its very cute”

“My friend says it’s cute” You saying this definitely annoyed him and his face said it all.

“Ok here I got 2 pairs of denim jeans because I wasn’t sure which ones I liked more”

You continued on with your haul and sliding in a few more “friend” phrases to piss your boyfriend off.

“Okay, why do you keep calling me that?” He finally said.

“Calling you what?” You said in confusion which stopped you from showing off another shirt.

“You’re calling me ‘friend’ stop it!” He protested.

“No I didn’t” you deny and kept going with your haul.

“I’m your boyfriend!”

“Sorry guys, I don’t know why my friend is acting like that” you said to your phone.

“I’m leaving” he got up but you quickly held onto his arm, preventing him from leaving.

“Ok Hamzah I’m sorry! Its a prank! It was just for the tiktok” you pointed at your phone.

“That’s not funny, I hated that” he said with a straight face.

“Baby, I was only kidding” you placed your palm on his cheek, in hopes that he forgives you.

“I did not like that at all” he giggled.

You grab your phone to stop the recording and laughed at the footage. “Oh my god, you should’ve seen your face” you said.

“I’m sorry, it’s just a silly trend”

“Yeah whatever. But just know I’m getting you back” he threatened.

You look up at him in an angry expression, which made him laugh. You knew doing stupid pranks made you and Hamzah’s relationship more fun and unpredictable.

──★ ˙ ̟🐇 ꩜ .ᐟ

[rotknox]

Memento Vivere | Cryptic Comforts

Work on AO3 | Work on Wattpad | Masterlist

𝚁𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎

═════════•°• ⚠ •°•═════════

The drive home was quiet. The twins were asleep from the sudden adrenaline rush of shopping for clothes, and Bill was wide awake, but he was focused on the afternoon setting. Bill looked over at [Name], his breath catching in his throat. The air was tugging at [Name]'s loose button-up and at his hair as well.

Bill felt his stupid skin mask boil, so he turned away and let out a disgruntled sound. [Name] looked over and smiled. "You okay?" He asked and Bill simply nodded, slightly biting the nail of his thumb. Speaking of nails, damn, his nails were long as shit… Maybe he should ask Mabel to take care of them? What the hell was he thinking? He hated those stupid goddamn twins!

…Maybe…?

═════════•°• ⚠ •°•═════════

The shack was quiet. Customers had already left for the day and the only living souls who were left were the staff. Wendy was sitting behind the register with Melody and Soos was cheerfully restocking the shelves.

Ford had come out of the lab, sighing deeply. Wendy looked up from her phone and then looked down again. “Whaddup, Mr. Ford?” She greeted him calmly. Melody looked up and smiled. “Oh hi, Ford! Want something to drink?”

Ford smiled tiredly at both young women. “Hello you two… No thank you, Melody, I’m okay,” Ford reassured her. Wendy looked at him quizzically but shrugged, he was not her business anyways. But, he was a good source of gossip, so…

“Hey, Mr. Ford?” She looked up, Ford looked over at her and raised an eyebrow. “Who’s that blond that’s been hanging around [Name]?”

Ford’s lower lip got caught between his teeth and he looked away. Melody shot a concerned look over to him. “Ford? You okay?”

Soos, who had been ‘minding his business’, immediately appeared beside Ford and placed a hand on his shoulder. “You can tell us anything, Mr. Mister Pines… We are all ears, not literally but y’know,” Soos let out a quick laugh at his own joke.

Ford blinked and awkwardly patted Soos’ hand. “You’re a good manchild, Soos… And I also suppose there is no reason for me to hide this from you all considering you’re all here almost everyday.”

He sighed and sat up straight. “When Stanley killed Bill in his mind, Bill managed to somehow transfer his form to an area outside of time and space. He was taken into a facility known as the Theraprism and a rehabilitation process was initiated. However, he began to get worse… Psychotic outbursts, ramblings, violent tendencies, you name it. Point is, the doctor in charge of him thought it was best to send him here and live life as a human. He has no powers whatsoever and it seems he’s not exactly… himself.”

Wendy blinked and narrowed her eyes. “So, the blond is Bill Cipher? Huh, I imagined he’d be more…” She seemed to struggle to find the correct words, that’s when Soos piped in. “Flashy? Loud? Psycho-crazy?”

Wendy stared at Soos and shrugged. “I guess. But, he’s powerless, right? I doubt we should be worried about him,” She said and looked at Ford. Ford blinked in surprise and looked at her with a perplexed expression. “You too?”

The teen stared at him with a tiny frown. “What did I do, man?”

Ford abruptly stood up. “I think I have to re-evaluate a few things… If you’ll excuse me, I’ll be in my lab,” He swiftly left the room and left everyone slightly puzzled. Soos was the first to speak up. “Welp! Time to get back to restocking!”

The door swung open and in walked an exhausted Bill holding a bunch of bags. After him, [Name] walked in holding both twins, he seemed tired too. “Hey, guys…” [Name] yawned.

Bill almost tripped from how tired he was until [Name] hooked an arm around him. Bill gasped and looked back. “I-Idiot! The ki…”

He noticed [Name] had maneuvered the twins so he had a free arm, a free arm to catch Bill and ONLY Bill…

Goodness, consider him flustered.

Bill gulped back his words and looked away, [Name] smiled and pulled Bill so he’d stand up straight. “You okay? Wanna take a nap?” [Name] asked him and Bill stared at him. “No comfortable bed, remember?”

[Name] let out a soft ‘oh’ before turning to Melody. “Hey, Lody? Can you put these two to bed?” He asked and Melody nodded with a smile. “Sure!”

She took the twins from the taller man and walked upstairs to the attic. [Name] looked over at Soos. "Hey, Soos? Do you still have that old metal bed frame from your past house?”, he asked and Soos nodded. "Oh totally, dude! It’s in the storage room in the attic!”

[Name] nodded. "C’mon, Bill!” Bill had no time to answer before he was yanked upstairs. What the hell was with these men and yanking him around?!

They made their way upstairs and into Bill’s bedroom. [Name] went off to go get the bed frame while Bill got himself preoccupied by unpacking things that he had bought. He was more interested in what the kids had gotten.

He dug into the bag and took out a random piece of clothing. He inspected what looked to be mom jeans? He recalled seeing some women in Ford’s time using these. He put the pants aside and took out another piece, this time a colorful off-the shoulder sweater top. Looking in the bag, it was clear to see what twin bought what, Mabel got him a bunch of colorful 80’s inspired clothes while Dipper got him things like suits and whatnot.

He was startled out of his fleshy exoskeleton by the sound of metal scraping against the floor. Bill snapped his head back to see [Name] breathing lightly, he looked at him with his eyebrows raised. "…Isn’t that heavy?”

[Name] laughed a bit. "Nah, it’s easy when you’re used to carrying heavy things.”

As [Name] turned around, Bill took the chance to shamelessly check his build out. He was a perfect balance of strong and soft… Nice.

Before Bill knew it, [Name] had already set up his bed AND his sheets. Bill felt himself fawn harder, if that was even possible.

“Here, all done!” [Name] smiled wide and sighed softly. "Like it?” [Name] asked him as he wiped some sweat off his brow. Bill looked up at his face and nodded, biting the inside of his lip. “Yeah, I love it.”

[Name] exhaled and stood up with a pleased expression on his face. His eyes traced over Bill’s features for a bit before they settled on the other man’s eye. “Need help decorating?”

Bill’s eye widened and he stumbled on his words in his mind for a little, but he eventually decided to answer. “Sure… I could use a hand or two,” Bill nodded as he took out everything he had bought.

And so it began.

Bill couldn’t recall the last time he had enjoyed someone else’s presence this much. Being around [Name] brought him a large amount of joy that he couldn’t verbally describe, it was the type of joy that made his ribs feel like they were vibrating and made his heart seem queasy.

It was strange in all honesty, he barely knew this man but it felt like he had known him for decades or more. Bill couldn’t help but gaze at [Name] as he put the finishing touch on his room, and speaking of…

Bill blinked and realized they had finished. [Name] sighed lightly and stepped back, he let his eyes admire what they had done. He looked over at Bill with a wide smile full of pride. “So? Feel at home yet?”

The demon looked back at [Name] and he nodded eagerly. “Yeah…”

The room was full of antiques and colorful tapestries, it was a far cry from the empty room he had been shoved into the day prior. It was hard to believe he had only spent a day in this house, for it already felt like he had been here since he was a mere baby.

[Name] couldn’t help but admire the room, it was like if vintage bohemian and elegance had a weird little child, and if definitely fit Bill just right.

He looked down at Bill and smiled. “Are you hungry?” He asked. Bill never had hunger in his life, he could thank his lack of organs for that! But now… His stomach-thingy was rioting against him and making noises he thought only Zanthar was capable of producing.

Bill nodded and followed [Name] downstairs.

═════════•°• ⚠ •°•═════════

Stan was sitting with the twins at the dinner table. Both teens had woken up shortly before and were still very groggy.

He heard footsteps descending down the stairs and looked up to see [Name] being followed by a frowning Bill. Stan couldn’t help but raise a brow. “Done already?”

[Name] looked over and smiled. “Yeah! Two pairs of hands work better than one,” the taller male affirmed and handed Bill some crackers. Bill mindlessly munched on the snack and frowned as he stared out the window.

“Oh, by the way, three-sides?” Stan spoke up and Bill looked over with offense. “Soos says you can work here at the Shack,” the old man said, Bill couldn’t help but giggle.

“Me? Why would I need to work in this humble abode?” Bill asked cockily and Stan glared at him. “Wanna keep Gompers warm at night? Then shut your trap and accept Soos’ offer.”

Bill snarled a little at Stan but huffed. “Fine… I’m only accepting just because I’m feeling generous, Stanley,” the blond said and Stan waved him off dismissively.

“Oh, [Name]!!! You won’t be alone with handyman work anymore!” Mabel said cheerfully and [Name] smiled at her. “You’re right, starlight. Trust me, man, this work’s easy as 123 once you get the gist of it,” he added as he turned to look at Bill.

Realization dawned on Bill like a blessing. He could see this man sweaty and worked up… Yeah, he’ll make sure to thank Soos later.

They lingered in the kitchen with everyone before Stan sent the twins off to bed and then went to the living room.

A question had been nagging at Bill since he saw [Name] for the first time ever, and so he turned to look at [Name] before speaking up. “So… How’d you even get this job? It couldn’t have possibly been your first choice.”

The [Eye Color] eyed male just smiled and turned to face Bill. “Well, I came here to Gravity Falls for a graduation project… I quickly realized I had no funds left and my family had a hard time sending money over.”

He sipped his drink before continuing. “So, I started to do some job hunting. I had a lot of experience with services and things like woodwork and pottery due to the fact I helped my parents provide for my siblings, so I looked for jobs that required someone with that expertise. And as if some higher power heard me, I found a flier for this place… They needed a handyman who could also work as a janitor since the last one moved up the ranks. And here we are now…”

Bill was intrigued. This guy certainly was God’s golden boy; handsome, smart, charming and job offers literally fell out of the sky just for him. But something had piqued his interest, so he asked another question. “You helped provide for your siblings? Why?” The blond asked and [Name] smiled. “Low income family in Rhode Island with about five kids.”

That was enough to make Bill understand.

“I’ll make sure to explain it all in further detail some other day. For now, I have to leave,” [Name] said whilst he threw his soda can away and checked his watch. He walked over to Bill and firmly gripped his hand. “Sleep well, Bill.”

Bill’s hand ached for more of that soft touch… He waved goodbye to [Name] and quietly fawned.

“I don’t get what they see in you,” Ford’s voice broke through and Bill scowled. “Of course you don’t,” Bill retorted.

Ford came out of the lab’s doorway and stared Bill down. “Everyone is forgiving you. Wendy, Melody and Soos… Hell, even Stanley is mildly alright with you! What do they see in you, Cipher?!”

Bill stared at him blankly before furrowing his brows. “Maybe they actually have hope in me. Unlike you who only saw me for my brains,” the demon said coldly and Ford’s eyes narrowed. “You did the same.”

Bill shrugged. “Touché.”

The demon swiftly went back upstairs to his room and Ford leaned against the counter. He rubbed his nose bridge and looked out the window, thinking this whole mess over.

═════════•°• ⚠ •°•═════════

Bill laid in his comfortable bed with his eye set on the ceiling. He could now see why humans like to sleep so much…

He settled his head in his pillows, that’s when he noticed something…

The pillow cases had the lingering scent of [Name]’s cologne.

═════════•°• ⚠ •°•═════════

<- Chapter 1 | Chapter 3 ->

taglist: @cyber-dump-171 @nephalem-da @magicalbunbun @the-ghost-lanturn @dontstartcaringaboutmenow @iamthenumberoneshitgoblinfuckoff

would you like to join the taglist for the next chapter? -> Click here!

[b0nten]

HEY, MONA LISA, COME HOME

[SYNOPSIS] ˚⁀➷｡ you know you can’t roam without caesar. hanma reacting to you drawing him.

[NOTES] ˚⁀➷｡ this is so cute. not a kanye fan but i couldn’t help quoting flashing lights. hope this is to your liking anon <3

“whaddup, baby?” hanma waltzes into the living room, casually, as always. he greets you with a smile, but it dissipates once you don’t answer. he stands there eyeing you, and he can’t help but wonder what it is that you’re so concentrated on.

your eyes scan the weasel, and you let a big sigh out. your hands find their way to your temples and start massaging small circles. you close your eyes and sigh again. when the ritual is complete, you get up to go into the kitchen, but when your view expands, you’re scared of how and when hanma got into your apartment in the first place.

“what the fuck!” you scream and take a step back, almost falling, “shuji! when did you get here?!” you question and he just bursts out laughing.

“i’ve been here for… like ten minutes?” he says sarcastically, mimicking looking at a watch, but it’s just his bare wrist.

“oh.. i’m so sorry i didn’t see you..” you apologize and get closer to him, falling into his embrace.

“what’s bothering you, shortcake?” he asks, eyes softening on you figure.

“oh, nothing, that damn weasel just isn’t holding the paint correctly. thought i should spare some money, got this piece of crap instead of my regular ones. now i gotta suffer.” you half-laugh, and so does he.

“well, i’m assuming you’d like to have a break, right?” he says, lifting the white nylon bag he’s been holding all this time in his hand. “guess what i got.”

“ice cream is just what i needed, thank you, shuji.” you kiss him to on the cheek and snatch away the bag, running into the kitchen.

“hey! leave some for me!” he shouts from behind, following you.

you eat your ice cream and chat a bit. it’s refreshing, and when you finally sit back down to confront the painting, you actually feel optimistic. picking up a brush and an enormous tube of white paint, you bring the canvas back to square one. ready to start anew.

“i’m just gonna sit here and read… this, that okay with you?” hanma asks and randomly picks up a book.

“are you sure you want to read ulysses? that shit’s tough.” you smile while asking. he flips the book around in his hand and shrugs.

“i’ll manage, i’m a big boy.”

you nod and continue brainstorming for ideas. you scan the room, close your eyes, sing a song in your head, but seemingly nothing seems to spark up any ideas. your glance drifts off to hanma, peacefully reading the book you had warned him about.

then, something in your head lights up and you grab the paints and start it.

half an hour, an hour, two, it had been just three when the valhalla leader decided he had enough of that bullshit. the words were too many and reading all pf that book was tiresome. he got up and started stretching. once he turned to you, he couldn’t not notice how deeply invested you were in that painting.

slowly creeping behind you as not to bother or disturb your work, he wondered what it could be that your were painting so passionately. once he saw it, his heart dropped, albeit in a good way.

there he was, sitting on your emerald sofa, manspreading, with the book in his hand. everything was down to a t, the kitchen behind you, the lights, even the colors of his clothes, not to mention his hair or facial expressions. you were working on what he thought was shading when he finally spoke up.

“you’d like to design a tattoo for me?”

you jump up, paintbrush flying into his face.

“shuji, babe, i’m so sorry!” you quickly snatch a wet wipe and clean his face, while continuing to apologize.

after maybe the tenth apology he takes your hand in his, chastely kissing it.

“i’m sorry for scaring you, baby.” he says, “but the offer’s serious. you’re crazy good, i look even hotter made out of oil paint.”

[claritys-silly-things]

Various incorrect quotes I usually have to edit to have the right character dynamics

———

Cherri: I'm going to fight the next person who insults Angel.

Angel: I hate myself.

Cherri: Alright, square up.

———

Alastor: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers!

Husk: Please, just say fuck.

———

Lucifer: Hey Adam, Lilith just broke my apple-shaped lamp.

Adam: Neat. I’m gonna die alone.

Lucifer: Okay, you win.

———

Applebee's Waiter: What would you like to order?

Pentious: I'll take the apple.

Applebee's Waiter: We don't actually sell apples.

Pentious, visibly frightened: Ok then... I'll have the bees...

(not edited)

———

Ritz: I thought you were going to give me a book recommendation or something.

Nella: *laughs* Book recommendation? I can’t read!

(“Whaddup I’m Nella, I’m 19 and I never fuckin learned how to read”)

———

Husk: Your future self is talking shit about you right now.

Angel: Jokes on them. I'll ruin his fucking life.

———

Molly: Sorry if I'm bothering you...

Surgeon: How do you keep waking up and saying that?

[desswright29]

CLASS 58 (Prolouge)

A/N: Soooo I wasn’t gonna do anymore Series but damnit this shit won’t turn me loose! So Here is a new MINI Series I’m introducing called CLASS 58!

“Alright! Everyone have a seat at the desk where you see your name tag. Do NOT touch the paperwork until instructed to do so!” The instructor yelled out.

You and the vaguely familiar faces around you, slowly walk around finding the seats that held your first and last names. Eager and full of anticipation for what lies ahead of you all for the day. You find your seat and run your finger across the name tag. New beginnings. You scan over the first paragraph of the papers sitting in front of you as you sit.

I will support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I take this obligation freely, without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; and that I will well and faithfully discharge the duties of the …

“What the fuck are we getting ourselves into?” A feminine voice said from behind you. You turn to face her. She was short, brown skinned, and chubby. Her hair was cut low, and she had perfect teeth surrounded by pretty lips and a beautiful dimpled smile. She held out her hand to you, and you took it, giving it a short shake.

“I’m Benson. Kia Benson” You give her a smile, as she takes the seat next to you.

“Y/n Y/l/n”

“Nice to meet you Y/l/n.”

“Likewise” She sat, enthusiastically turning towards you in her chair, manspreading, and throwing her arm over the back of her chair. She stared at the side of your face until it started to burn, causing you to look over at her.

“Excuse me?” You say. She bit her lip as she looked you up and down.

“Mm”

“Mm?”

“May I ask how a pretty little thing like you ended up here?”

You smirk, and raise a brow sitting back in your chair. “You first.” She gave you that pretty smile once again.

“I was curious and let’s just say I enjoy challenges. I took a chance, applied and after an excruciating eight months of interviews my charm eventually landed me the position.” She gave you a wink and you rolled your eyes.

“Oh I'm sure it did. You seem full of charm.”

“You have yet to see the levels of my charm.”

“Mmm, can't wait.”

“I bet you can’t pretty lady. So what's your story?”

“I was recruited. Directly out of the military, Army HSC 601st Aviation Brigade. I should reintroduce myself. Staff Sergeant pretty little thing. As you so charmingly put it.” You held out your hand again and Benson lifted both of hers in defense.

“Oooh shit my bad boss lady! Ion want no smoke.” You chuckled at her dramatics.

“I know you don’t.” You said, once again raising your brows.

The sound of the heavy classroom door slamming behind someone interrupted the banter between you and your neighbor.

“Ay, Whaddup Udaku. Late as fuck as usual I see!”

“Ah Ha ha haaaa. Shut the fuck up.” The thick, sexy accent dripping in sarcasm caught your attention, and when you turned your head to see the woman donning such an attractive voice. Your heart dropped into your stomach. There she stood. Tall, shaved sides and a curly top. Her biceps bulged from a black compression top, and she wore shorts that read Army on the bottom left corner. A camelbak backpack was strapped to her shoulders, the rubber tip that dispensed the water rested between her lips as she walked down the aisle dapping up various people.

“Damn” you whisper to yourself.

“Man, damn! Here go this cock blocking bitch!” You hear come from next to you.

“And just what cock was she blocking? You glued the zipper on your backpack as soon as you opened your mouth.”

“Ha! You got jokes.”

“Fuck all that, who is she?” You said your eyes following her, as she sat in the desk front and center of the room.

“That’s Udaku. Another Army recruit. She’s been interning here for six months already. She comes and does P.T. with the canine team every morning and everyone knows her. And every woman in the force is trying to get her.”

“Well I might have to toss in my hat.” You sat forward in your seat, elbows on the table as you got an eye full of the African goddess. Benson smacks her teeth.

“Or, you could just be with someone who’s already interested” She opened her arms wide, and again there was that smile. You couldn't help but return with a giggle. “Benson, you're really cute. But I don't intend on dating anyone during this process. I have to be laser focused. We can be friends though. You seem pretty cool.”

“Pretty cool. I’m the shit!”

“See that’s what I'm talking about right there.” The two of you go back and forth until the instructors make their way to the front.

“Alright everyone settle down! Face forward!” The room quiets as everyone looks towards the front anxiously awaiting the man's next words.

“I’m Mr. Kaufman, your lead instructor. This is Mrs. Santigo, and Sgt. Sanders. These are my assistants. Your only job here for the next several months is to do as we say. Everything that we say to you will be for your benefit. We know what we’re doing, which is why we’ve been tasked with educating you all. It would behoove you to listen. Ms.Udaku! Please stand for me.” Shuri stood to her feet, turning to face the rest of the class. Her eyes scanning over the room.

“This is Udaku. She will be your class Captain and point of contact. If you have any questions after hours, contact Udaku. If she doesn't have the answer, she will contact us. If you're sick, call Udaku, If you have a family emergency, call Udaku.”

“If you need to ease the ache between your thighs. Call Udaku” The girl behind you whispered, causing snickers around the area. Shuri’s eyes landed on the group before settling on you. You were stuck in place as she looked you over, placing the straw of her camelbak back into her mouth. She bit into it and gave you a smirk and a wink before turning around and placing herself back into her seat.

“The oath that lay in front of you. I suggest you become very familiar with it and learn it by heart. That Oath will become your life. The line between a good or great officer. We will break you, and build you into some of the strongest people this world has to offer. This will be emotionally and physically demanding and not all of you will make it. But those of you who do will become a family. We’ll get ready to begin our first lesson here in a few but before we do. I want to say welcome Class 58 to The Federal Bureau of Investigations.”

WHO’S DOWN FOR COP SHURI!!!😉

[wasteland-squog-baby]

*squeak!*

Oh shit whaddup?

[noonaishere]

Online/Offline [C.S] - seventy-one | jagiya

“I. DIED. AGAIN.” You shouted into your microphone.

“Ow.” San responded.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I-- I understand the aggression.” San chuckled. “Where did you die?”

“The Blaze pushed me off the bridge and I landed in the lava. All my stuff’s gone.”

“Aww,” San pouted. “Are you back in the town?”

You sighed. “Yeah… I’m back in the town. JGG back in the town like whaddup, comin’ at you like Cleopatru.”

San laughed. 

You sighed and attempted to beatbox sadly.

“Well, I got the Blaze Rods and I’m coming back for you.”

“Should I wait here?”

“Yes, please. Take whatever you want from the chests.”

“I’m always stealing your stuff though… I’m a stealing stealer-- I’m the stealer! Yeah!” You hummed the song into your mic.

He laughed. “You don’t seem too sad, all of a sudden.”

“I’m humming sadly.”

He chuckled. “And anyway, you could never steal from me, I’ll give you anything you want.”

QuackIsWhack✅: Cheesy TheNicestGuy: Is he trying to flirt? JohnnyYuta: UMMMMM HELLO? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: What is that??

“What are you taking?”

“The steel armor.”

“Take the diamond set I enchanted.”

“I can’t take it, it’s yours.”

“Go ahead and take it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Oh course I’m sure.”

“But I feel bad taking it since it’s diamond--”

“Take the diamond set, Jagiya. Please.”

“Okay.”

JohnnyYuta: JAGIYA??? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: JAGI--?? I💚Keeho: EYE-- StrickenChicken: 👁-- TheNicestGuy: …… UltimateHyung: WHAT. IS. HAPPENING??? LeaBea✅: ????????? SleepySheepy😴: 🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔 MinHoe: HOW CAN YOU THINK ABOUT NUGS AT A TIME LIKE THIS, SHEEPY SleepySheepy😴: Celebratory nuggets YangYangGangGang: YOU’RE JUST GOING TO HIT US WITH A JAGIYA AND NOT EXPLAIN IT?? JohnnyYuta: QUACK, DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON??? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: I’M FREAKING OUT THEY’RE MY OTP QuackIsWhack✅: No idea 👁 👄 👁 SleepySheepy😴: 🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔 SleepySheepy😴: 🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔 MinHoe: SHEEPY!!!

“Oh-- wait--”

“What?”

“Morn, you just--”

“I what?-- OH! Uh…”

“Uh oh.”

JohnnyYuta: “UH OH”??? MinHoe: “UH OH”??????? LuciPURR✅: FUCKING “UH OH”??? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: UH OH, THEY SAY!! YangYangGangGang: EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!! I💚Keeho: WHAT IS GOING ON????? UltimateHyung: HAS IT FINALLY HAPPENED??? StrickenChicken: HAS OUR LITTLE GIRL FINALLY GROWN UP?? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: I WANTED IT TO BE ME 😭 JohnnyYuta: It’s okay, Tree, it’s okay

“So, uh… I don’t know if you guys know that Morn and I met in real life a little bit before we started streaming together… and he kinda sorta… asked me out after Keeho came back.”

JohnnyYuta: OFFSCREEN DEVELOPMENT??? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: WHAT??? I💚Keeho: QUACK, DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS??? QuackIsWhack✅: I HAD NO IDEA!! QuackIsWhack✅: MY BOSS IS KEEPING THINGS FROM ME 😭😭😭 YangYangGangGang: OH MY GOD, CATMOM FINALLY HAS A CATBOY??? There’sARockInMySock: CATBOYFRIEND?? MinHoe: CATHUSBAND?? JohnnyYuta: CATHUSBANDO?? A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: KAWAIIIII

“Did we just get married?” San asked with a laugh.

“It appears my chat has escalated our relationship quite quickly,” you laughed.

LuciPURR✅: DID YOU GUYS FALL IN LOVE WHILE STREAMING??

“Umm, yeah I guess we kind of did... Do you want to respond at all, Morn?”

“I mean… Cat is so funny and kind and wants everyone to have a good time while streaming... It’s impossible not to fall for her.”

LeaBea✅: OMGGGGG I💚Keeho: I’M CRYING, I’M ACTUALLY CRYING JohnnyYuta: YOU CAN’T NOT LOVE OUR GIRL, YOU JUST CAN’T NOT A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: MY HEART A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: DOKI DOKI QuackIsWhack✅: Get you a man who loves the way you stream lol MinHoe: Cat and Morn, sittin’ in a tree! (* ￣3)(ε￣ *) TheNicestGuy: …… YangYangGangGang: I’M GONNA HAVE A FUCKING HEART ATTACK YangYangGangGang: THAT’S THE CUTEST SHIT I EVER HEARD I💚Keeho: FALLING IN LOVE WHILE STREAMING?? I💚Keeho: THE GAMER DREAM

“So uhh… yeah. We’re dating.” You laughed. “It feels so weird to admit that.”

“Why is it weird?”

“I don’t know… most people only have to tell their friends or their coworkers, we have to tell thousands of people.”

“I suppose that’s just the nature of your job.”

“Yeah, I guess. Though, we wouldn’t have to if you didn’t let a ‘Jagiya’ slip.”

San chuckled bashfully. “Sorry. I’m too used to talking to you off stream I guess.”

A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: BUT IT WAS CUTEEEE JohnnyYuta: AIGOOOOOO SleepySheepy😴: Nugs for the happy couple SleepySheepy😴: 🥔🥔🥔🥔🥔 MinHoe: K-I-S-S-I-N-G YangYangGangGang: I’m in SUCH shock LeaBea✅: I’m so happy for you both! LuciPURR✅: Are you guys going to make gamer babies?

“Oh my god, guys,” you laughed.

“Only if they’re in Minecraft.”

“Only then?”

A🌲SurroundedBy🌷s: “ONLY THEN”???? JohnnyYuta: ONSCREEN DEVELOPMENT???

“Well I don’t know about the future… Should I say, ‘For now, only if they’re in Minecraft’?”

“Yeah, the first one was too definitive.” You laughed.

“My bad.” San laughed. “Where are you? I thought you said you were in the town?”

“I’m with VirtualByeol. I’m going to convince her to come to my house.”

“Oh wait, if we’re dating, does that mean we should move in together?”

“...Do you mean in Minecraft again?”

“Yeah!” San said excitedly.

You laughed. “We can if you want to. I die significantly less when we’re doing quiet stuff together.”

“Except for when we get raided.”

“Ohh, yeah. Can we build a huge wall around our new house so the raiders can’t get in?”

“I watched a few videos where someone built a village with all Hanok. We could do that and enclose it with a wall.”

“Ohhhh, sounds fancy. Much better than my Mines of Moria house.”

“I don’t understand why you built in a cave since you don’t pay attention to your surroundings,” he laughed.

“It was a good cave!”

“You got exploded by Creepers every two seconds.”

“They don’t even spawn every two seconds, it was like… every five seconds.”

San laughed. “Uh huh.”

   previous | main cast | masterlist | next

Send an ask or leave a comment if you want to be added to the tag list! 🧋

@rachs-words • @stayatinykatsy • @dinossaurz​​ • @conwunder​ •

[incorrect-jojolands-quotes]

dragona: wait a minute!

paco: what?

dragona: *points* oh, look at this here!

paco: what?!

dragona: pimp usagi.

usagi: *hyped up* you know i gets my pimpin' on!

paco: oh shit! ain't that your dude?

usagi: yeah, i be pimpin' on these hoes!

dragona: FOOL! that was way back in middle school!

usagi: you knows i get my pimp... wait.

usagi:

usagi: wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

dragona:

usagi:

usagi: dragona, is that you... you... you... you?!

dragona: *sigh* whaddup, usagi....

usagi: that's PIMP usagi. don't get it twisted!

paco: man, she can call you whatever the hell she wants.

dragona: paco...

usagi: ain't no body talkin' to you, macho man.

paco: man, you don juan knock up, imma bust a cap-

usagi: whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

[zoropookie]

I NEED THIS TO HIT EVERY FANDOM, EVEN HHAB.

Y/N: YOU ALREADY KNOW- Wait a min

Hu Tao: What?

Y/n: Aw look at this here..

Ayaka: What??

Y/N: Pimp Childe..

Childe: Yk I gets my Pimpin awnnnnn

Lumine: Oh shit ain't that your dude?

Childe: Yhea I be pimpin' all deez hooooeeezzzz

Y/N: Fool that was way back in high school!

Childe: Yks I gets my pimp- Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait wait. Y/N is that y-you..you, you you YOU?

Y/N: Whaddup Childe... :/

Childe: That's PIMP. Childe.. Don't get it twisted

Lumine: Man they can call you whatever the hell they want

Y/N: Lumine..

Childe: AINT NOBODY TALKING TO YOU MACHO MAN

Hu Tao: MAN, YOU DON JUAN KNOCK OFFIMA BUST A CAP OFF IN-

Childe: WWWAAAGUUGGHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

(silence)

Childe: You don't want nuna dis muthafocka.

IM CRYING 3WHY DID TYHIS LEGIT HIT EVERY FANDOM EVER

[askinswife]

AUNT SUKI!

(@nobuko-hirako)

OH SHIT NOBU- hi whaddup whaddup?

[nightghoulz]

Every time I think of Lucius from EC, my mind goes to the papas pizzeria videos from last summer. You already know! Wait a minute. What? Oh look at this here. What? PIMP Lucius. You know I kiss my pimpin’ onn. Oh shit ain’t that your dude? Yeah I’ve been pimpin on these hoesss. Fool that was way back on murder. You knows I get my pimp- wait wait wait wait wait wait wait Tarvitz is that youuuu? Whaddup Lucius. That’s PIMP Lucius.

Someone please know what I’m talking about

[gallifreyshawkeye]

Chapter 14 of Reclaimed and it's gonna be at least 20 total now! And to think at one point I thought I could turn my outlined plot into a narrative in only 10 chap 😆

Chap 13 <- (because I don't think I actually posted chap 13 as its own thing?)

You Probably Shouldn't Hire An Archangel as a Spy

Summary:

With Gabriel pointing him in the right direction, Aziraphale finds the Metatron's full plans. But.... There's always a "but", isn't there. And when has it ever been a good thing... Meanwhile, Satan breaks all precedent. And in the aftermath, Crowley finds out that Amon has never been Earth-side and decides he needs to test the limits of the sigil on his chest, as well as further test some of his own abilities. Also, there's no whiskey in Hell, and that's a problem.

Excerpt:

Aziraphale turned his communication device back over and dialled Mark’s number. Shielding the speaker from the wind that whipped between the rocks around him, he waited for the angel on the other end to pick up.

“Hey there, ya daft muppet!” Came Mark’s voice after only two rings, and Aziraphale was so stunned by the greeting he just sat, speechless, while Mark barreled on, “You said you were going to call me right back. It’s been at least THREE minutes ya twat!”

Aziraphale waited a beat for effect, before replying, “Mark, this is Aziraphale.”

The silence on the other end was deafening for eight very long seconds.

“Oh my god… I mean… Fuck! I mean, Supreme Archangel, Sir! Big BossMan… Your Dukeness! FUCK! I mean……” Mark’s voice changed from sheer panic to that of a mortified teenager, “...Hi? Supreme Archangel, Siiiiiiir, whaddup? Duuude…?......*very quietly* shit. I’m in trouble, aren’t I.” 

Aziraphale, who was barely holding himself together and having to cover his mouth to stifle out loud laughter at Mark’s journey of verbal panic, actually slid down the side of the rock he had been sitting on, all the way to the ground, shaking with silent laughter. How he managed to speak without breaking he didn’t have the faintest idea. “You can certainly expect to find a warning note about debauched language in your file and appropriate respect towards your chain of command. Because really, ‘Big BossMan’? ‘Dude’?! You were shown how to use the internet, weren’t you.”

“Maybe,” Mark admitted.

Aziraphale tutted into his device.

“Didn’t you use the internet when you were stationed on Earth?” Mark asked.

“Good heavens no,” Aziraphale replied, “There was absolutely no need for that cesspool of human gossip and pornography and nonsuch.”

Mark burst out laughing. “Is that all you think the internet is?” he asked.

Aziraphale prickled at the amused condescension he could hear in Mark’s voice, even across devices that were communicating between planets over four light-years apart for goodness sake! He huffed silently.

...............................

“I don’t suppose you have any alcohol down here?” Crowley asked, trying to hide that his hands were still trembling slightly. He needed a break and some sense of normalcy.

Amon shook his head. “I’ve heard of it. Never gotten to try it myself though,” he admitted.

Crowley practically gaped.

“Well I haven’t ever been Earth-side, have I,” Amon said quietly, an incredible, deep loneliness to his voice.

Crowley had to take a moment to process the reality that Amon had never left Hell, as well as the depth of the ache that suddenly just existed around Amon, stitched to him as securely as his own skin.

“That combined sigil,” Amon nodded his head toward Crowley’s chest, “It’s a control symbol, as you might have already figured out. I know I was one of the first ones he experimented on with it, and I would have to assume there are others, I just have no idea who. It’s not exactly like I go around sans a corporation and show it off, so I’m fairly certain any other demon who has one would be the same.” The bitterness in Amon’s voice was palpable. “But find a demon who hasn’t left Hell at all since forever, literally, and you’ll probably have located whoever has one of these. It’s not that you can’t leave Hell, it’s just that there are slowly escalating consequences the longer you’re away until it eventually kills you. Cross the threshold back, however, and things start to slowly reset. Slowly. But at least the kill timer stops I guess.”

“Fuck, this conversation really needs alcohol!” Crowley exclaimed, “Whiskey, to be most precise.”

Amon chuckled, “Well you can leave, especially if you’re quick. And once you have something down here you can duplicate it.”

Crowley contemplated, trying to decide whether the risk was worth it. He had built the Hell-to-Earth dimensional transport system, so using it fast enough wouldn’t be a problem. And he knew exactly where the finished barrels of Talisker whiskey were stored in their distillery warehouse. The only problem was whether the sigil also served as an alert system for Satan, in which case it didn’t matter how fast he went.

[tsuki-sennin]

Brave In! Kyoryu Change!

Fire!

Dinosaurs... Plus humans! Only 10 years ago did the Brave Team from the Cretaceous Era come to the Heisei Era to protect the world! Now, in the Reiwa Era, six kings from the planet of Tikyuu arrive for... reasons yet to be made apparent!

In honor of the Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger's most momentous anniversary... I'm gonna have to... keep... catching up with... another show. One that they're in though, I can promise you! It's going to get wild! Just try to stop us!

Listen and be amazed!

Spoilers, I guess...

-Yeah, I'm real sad I missed out on this one.

-Where the fuck are we?

-I don't think the PM's gonna listen to you guys.

-Man, Dugded was right, this place sucks

-Soujiiiiiiiiiii! How you doin', bud?

-"Ohgai Busou!"

-Good thing God Kuwagata's

-Wait

-Ohhhhhhhhhh, that might be a problem.

-CHESTOOOOOOO!

-Junior Prince.

-Ah, there's Candelilla and Luckyuro!

-How's Nobuharu doing, eh? Do we still need shielding from his puns?

-"Be nicer to your sword, you little demon."

-"Er... please pardon me, but if you're a Prince..."

-Oh

-Oh, you're serious

-There they be

-The Zyudenryu...

-Oh hey Kaguragi!

-Omg Gentle hiiiiiiiiii!!!!

-At least you're having a nice day.

-"Umai~!"

-DEBOSS SPOTTED

-Oh, he's

-He's a Megazord of the Deboss generals, I see.

-See, there's Aigaron!

-Dogold there.

-Hot damn, Gentle!

-Hatch It!

-...H-Hatch It?

-"Mom?"

-NOBUUUUUU

-Kyoryuger?

-Ok, byeeeeeee!

-Oooooh~! Shade~!

-The pictures are in the same style as the Kingohger's prophecy... Hmm...

-Hi, Ian. I see you're still making friends.

-Two thousand years ago, even back then did the Kyoryugers run wild.

-"So, you're like... actually a king?"

-I see we don't

-DUGDED????

-Holy shit, he overrode a good ending.

-Welcome to Japan, bitches.

-I see, a voice only cameo from Daigo and Utsusemimaru.

-"So like... wanna tell us where we are~?"

-Oh I forgot

-Time travel.

-At least Yanma's having fun :)

-Ol' Prince is off to have fun training too~!

-Deboss, you're looking

-Quite silvery

-And beetle-y too...

-Laid the fuck out

-They stole our fucking dinosaurs

-Our Gods are far beyond us

-"Time to make the prince awaken!"

-Jeramie's also having a lovely day.

-Hot damn! Yanma figured it out right quick

-"I claim Japan in the name of Shugoddam!"

-Hoooo!

-Yeah, this guy's Daigo's successor alright.

-"Of course I cheat! I'm doing it right..."

-Give your sword a kiss and start over.

-"Hmph."

-YEAHHHHH

-Well done!

-Kuwagon~!

-That's our Gira for you.

-Souji :)

-"C'mon Kingy. Make my day."

-Brave In!

-Kyoryu Change!

-Bust it down, boy!

-Kiiiiing~!

-Hooooo!

-Hot damn!

-Gonna get wild!

-This is so sick

-God, Himeno's absolutely serving

-King Vomola Mucho!

-Head hurty

-Oh, nope, couldn't be that simple.

-NOOOO SOUJIIII

-Ah, he's fine

-Amyyyyyyy!

-Whaddup, girl, we missed you.

-"Hey so uh..."

-Earth...

-Tikyu... Chikyuu...

-What's the difference?

-JERAMIE'S PART SPACE ALIEN????

-Hot damn... His dad pulled!

-Unearned bravery'll do that to you, Deboss.

-Oh, skipping the title sequence, okay!

-Despair's our big enemy here.

-...Rita......

-Rally up our kingdom!

-"Oh???"

-Earth drip!

-Yuko-chan... Rika-chan!

-Suzume-san....

-"This is peak."

-Moffun...?

-AAAAAAH

-This feels good

-Music

-That's our key, here, huh?

-Welcome to Earth, bitch!

-We just had a whole other Earth out there, huh?

-DAD????

-"I learned from my Dad, after all."

-A Space Ship.

-Okay.

-Cool.

-Thank you for that, ancestors.

-"I-I take regal responsibility for Prince!"

-Gabutyraaaaaa!

-Amyyyyyy!

-Mom~!

-Have I mentioned how cool it is, applying similar principles to crossover power sets?

-Thanks, Dad!

-From across the universe, Castle Caucasus Kabuto answers the King's call!

-Nobuharu!!!

-Candy and Nobby, 2gether4ever!

-Awwwwww :)

-"Oh! I see~! That's wonderful!"

-Jeramie :D

-God, I love Himeno's Kikaider jean jacket.

-Well, you tried Ian.

-nods

-Good taste, all around.

-Where is our earthly melody?

-OHhhhhhhh, of course!

-That's a good reason to skip the intro.

-Yeaaaaah!!!!

-Bravery Restored.

-Ohgai Busou!

-Brave In!

-Fire!

-hehehehehehehehehe

-Muteki no Sentai~!

-Pincering Brave! King Kyoryu Red!

-Bullet Brave! Kyoryu Black!

-Armored Brave! Kyoryu Blue!

-Slashing Brave! Kyoryu Green!

-Horned Brave! Kyoryu Pink!

-Strongest and bravest! Zyuden Sentai! Kyoryuger!

-Time and space are relative concepts anyway.

-Absolutely wildin'.

-YEAAAAAAAH

-This is worth everything.

-Brave In!

-Chomp those batteries!

-Oh that's cute, even King-Ohger's sambaing down.

-Goodbye, Deboss!

-One day...

-Consider yourself on the right path, Prince!

-Daigoro...

-Amy and Daigo fuck.

-Farewell... I'm gonna miss those bug guys.

-...wait a second...

-OHHHHH THAT'S SO CUTE THEY'RE DOIN THE DANCE

-YEAAAAAAAAAH

-Oh we're back

-OH WE'RE STILL ON THE DINOSAURS

-SHUGO MASK????

-OH WELL FUCK ME, I'M NOT GONNA JUST LEAVE IT OFF THERE AM I?

-Deboss...

-Our stupid kings are now headed home.

-"Wi-fi's back on."

-A loud screech is the last thing you'd ever wanna hear on a spaceship.

-Oh, Yanma, you

-You brought a little souvenir, eh?

-Dugded is just Discord if he actually was a supervillain.

-Hello, Shugo Mask.

-"That's it, I'm going to bed."

-The kings are back, baby!

-...oh God, I hope relativity isn't coming back to bite us.

-"Booooooooooooo!"

-I swear, Hat Guy's talking like Josh Peck.

-...Hat Guy, Jesus, it has been way too long.

-His names Goroge, I know that!

-"Free jewelry for life, baby~! That's the rule of Dugded for you!"

-"Oh, oops."

-I guess most of our modern science survived out in Space.

-"Kill a king... and you get to be one too!"

-Damn, Yanma was gonna throw down.

-THEY JUST WENT OFF SCREEN, HOW'D YOU LOSE THEM

-Takes greed to know greed.

-New King?????

-Suzume-sama????

-Where is she?

-"Oh come now..."

-Alright, kinglings, let's dish out some church and state!

-DINOSAUR POWER

-Rulin' like it's 70 Million BC!

-Oh Kohgane, thank god

-Et tu, Boone?

-Shugo Kamen...

-He reversed Man in the Iron Masked us.

-"Oh well, peace is good :)"

-Left spinning their wheels in despair.

-C'mon, King Weiner!

-They shot him...

-Oh hi~!

-He's so small!

-He speaks fluent spirit!

-"Now... with the Power of the Dinosaurs! It's time for me to lead a charge! It's Morphin' Time! Energize! Unleash the power!"

-It was a much different effect, Gira had noticed, compared to King-Ohger. But if Minityra was willing to provide his aid, how could he refuse~? Breaking it down would be no small feat, but by the Gods, he'd simply have to!

-Sorry, Fly Boy! No amount of money's gonna let you step up to the King~!

-Good job~!

-Suzume's totally taken over.

-"Shut up, weiner! You're not the boss here!"

-"Oh noooooooooo~! Save me, my beloved Shugo Mask~!"

-Racules.

-Who else?

-How do you have a voice filter, your mouth isn't even covered.

-Ho man...

-Those blasted space bugs.

-There he is.

-Big Brother Racules.

-Hooo...

-You are one captivating son of a bitch.

-Racules Husty. Tremble at his name.

-Hooo....

-That's gonna be all from me tonight! I am...

-Quite tired, I'm just gonna lie down~! See you~!

[joelhersheysofficial]

[There's is repeated knocking on the door]

joel joel joel joel

joel joel joel joel

joel joel joel joel

oh shit whaddup oh hey guys !!! what are you doing here ?