#oh my god josh i’m so sorry for taking this song so out of context

[playablekairi]

you’re not quite here, but you’re not quite gone

[m4tthewmurd0ck]

Tom Blyth x Actress!Reader

TBOSAS Vogue Interviews — You + Josh

no descriptors other than reader being shorter than tom but i use she / her. click [HERE] for the table of contents for all things tom x actress!reader, and click [HERE] for Tom + Rachel’s interview! little reminder, tbosas has been out for a month when this takes place so they are allowed to mention spoilers. this interview takes place the same day as rachel and tom’s, so you don’t know any of their questions or answers yet. little reminder, your character in HOTD is named juliette.

Like Rachel and Tom’s video, the first bit shows short clips of some answers, but no context as to what the questions are.

You burst out laughing. “That is absolutely not what happened and you know it!”

~

Josh thinks, then snaps his finger and points to you. “Lover, or Evermore.”

~

You and Josh fist-bump as you look at the camera and say “Willem Dafoe” at the same time.

~

THE INTERVIEW —

The actual video begins with you and Josh trying, and failing, to stop laughing.

“I’m sorry we’ll stop,” you promise as you attempt a serious face. “Hi Vogue, I’m Josh Andres Rivera.”

Josh looks at the camera with a straight face as he introduces himself using your name. “Today we’re here to ask and answer questions rapid-fire style! I have the first one, can you give us any spoilers for season two of House of the Dragon?”

You burst out laughing again. “That is not the first question… is it?”

Josh shrugs, “no but the people want to know.”

You look at the camera, “sorry I love my job too much, the people will have to wait. We are completely finished with the filming but I may actually get fired for revealing everything. However I will say if you thought the first season was crazy, you have no idea what’s coming. Where my character is involved, remember she doesn’t know that Lucerys is dead, or that Aemond is directly responsible. And he’d just convinced her that he would change and do better for her before he left, so you have her finding out to look forward to.”

“Not a spoiler like I hoped but I will accept your answer, and I can’t wait to see Juliette kick Aemond’s ass! Okay the real first question, what songs did we sing first when we went and did karaoke as a cast?” Josh raises his eyebrows. “Someone did their research. Oh God I honestly have no idea what the first song was. I definitely sang one too many though. Do you remember yours?”

You nod, “Style by Taylor Swift.”

“Oh yeah that’s right!” He looks at the camera, “that was the day I found out I’d be working with Taylor Swift’s number one fan.”

“The real question is do you remember what I said my favorite album of hers was?”

He thinks for a minute. “Fuck — oh sorry can we swear? You just told me the other day too!” After a few more seconds, he snaps and points to you. “Lover or Evermore right?”

You do a slow clap. “I’m impressed! At my core I am a Lover girly but right now my favorite album is evermore.”

Josh grins at the camera. “Major bff points right there. Okay my turn to ask a question. Oh I bet Rachel and Tom got asked this too. Most difficult scene to film and why?”

“Ooh that’s a good one,” you think for a moment. “Physically, for sure the big scene I have with Tom. Emotionally, I think Sejanus’ execution. Obviously because that’s an emotional thing in itself, but it was the most difficult emotionally just because of how much I had to cry. From the moment Sejanus is led to the tree, to the moment my character falls to the ground sobbing once he’s dead, it started out as tearing up and by the end I had to like I said be full on sobbing. I’m just thankful we got that scene in a few takes,” you laugh.

Josh nods, then points to you as he looks at the camera, “if you guys haven’t seen the movie yet, she’s incredible. I had a hard time with that scene but I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you. It was so cool to see the final cut.”

“If you don’t say your most difficult scene, that was so sweet I may actually cry right now, thank you!”

“Okay okay, emotionally I’d also say my characters execution. Physically, escaping from the arena with Tom. We tripped a few times, it was also hard because we had to coordinate with the actors who play the tributes to make sure they wouldn’t actually catch us.”

“What do you think Rachel and Tom said their answers were?” Someone asks off camera.

You and Josh are both quiet for another moment as you think.

“I think Rachel said the hardest scenes physically were the games because she missed stunt training in the beginning.”

Josh mimics your slow clap from earlier. “That was my exact answer too. And Tom… I think his answer emotionally was yours for physically. I know he was a little nervous to film the fight scene with you in the cabin.”

“My heart,” you put your hand over your heart and smile at the camera as if he’s right there, before turning back to Josh. “Yeah neither of us wanted to rehearse it very much since we couldn’t meet with the stunt coordinator until the day we shot the scene. He was so worried about hurting me. Okay sorry we took so long just for that one question. Describe each others characters in three words.”

“Badass because… hello that whole scene with Tom, kind because she puts everyone else before herself, and cunning. I like that she can think on her feet.” Josh sits back, satisfied with his answer.

You high-five Josh. “Nova May appreciates that. And now I definitely have to top that. Loyal. I know it’s almost to a fault but Nova May really loves that about him, congenial because I feel like it’s really easy to love Sejanus. He’s not like the others who grew up in the capital. And… sweet. He didn’t let having money get to his head.”

“Sejanus also appreciates your answers. Okay my question, name three characters from other franchises that you think would do well in the games.”

“I love this! I swear this isn’t because they’re shows I’ve worked on, they genuinely are the first characters to come to mind. Aemond Targaryen because he clearly has no problem with murder,” you laugh and look at the camera, “love you Ewan! Hmm, Paul Atriedes just because I really wanna see Timmy film the arena scenes. And Joel Miller because I am a Last of Us girly and I know he could kick ass.”

Josh nods, appreciating your answers. “I probably should’ve spent just now thinking of my answers, shit. I’ll say… King T’Challa because he’s overall just a badass and he can fight. This is also in the MCU but Kate Bishop because a bow and arrow are good for long distance kills, and then… just because I’ve been watching The Last Kingdom a lot, Uhtred Ragnarsson.”

“Who plays the best movie villain?” You ask. You and Josh look at each other and grin, having just discussed this a few days ago.

The 2 of you fist bump as you look at the camera and say “Willem Dafoe.”

“There will be no elaborating. Two words: Green Goblin. The ones who get it, just do,” you shrug, and the camera then zooms in on Josh who just nods.

Someone off camera motions for you and Josh to get to the last 2 questions.

“Advice for aspiring actors?” You ask. “I’d say don’t give up. You may get a hundred no’s, but if this is really what you want to do just keep working, keep auditioning. That one yes after a hundred no’s could be the role that changes everything.”

Josh points to you again, “I completely agree. Even if you feel like the only option is to give up, if this is your passion and genuinely what you want to do, don’t quit. You never know when your big break might come. I think I’ve got the last question. Favorite part about filming The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes? I know what she’s going to say,” he points to you and laughs. “Name starts with a T and ends with om,” he looks at the camera again. “You guys she was all heart eyes the moment they met.”

You can feel your face getting warm, but in the end you nod. “That is absolutely not what happened and you know it!” You sigh, then admit defeat. “Alright it’s true. I don’t know that Tom and I would’ve met if it weren’t for this film. Although I had already watched season one of Billy the Kid, that was released I wanna say a couple of months before I booked this movie. So I was already a fan of his.”

“And we all know my love for Dune and House of the Dragon,” a voice speaks up from behind you.

Immediately you get out of your chair and Tom pulls you into his arms, hugging you tight as he looks down at you. “Alright my love?” He asks. After a minute you return to your seat and he greets Josh.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, still surprised.

“Just thought I’d come surprise you,” he smiles. “And I sort of tricked you. That dinner meeting your agent mentioned is actually dinner with me,” Tom turns to Josh. “Rachel says she’s free if you both want to join us.”

Josh agrees and pulls out his phone, saying he’ll let Rachel know.

You swear if your heart could beat out of your chest, it would. No one has ever made you this happy.

Someone off camera asks you all to film the outro for the video.

“Thank you to Vogue for having us!” Tom stands beside your chair and puts his arm around you.

“We hope you enjoy our film, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes,” you smile at the camera.

“It has been in theaters for a month now but you can still catch it for a limited time,” Josh finishes.

“Bye guys!”

TOM BLYTH x ACTRESS!READER TAGLIST —

@callsignwidow | @spencerstits | @coconut-dreamz | @daenerysqueenofhearts | @inf4ntdeath

if you’d like to be added let me know!

[wildrangers]

The Moon & Her Sun // Josh Kiszka {5}

Chapter Five // The Tower

Josh Kiszka x fem! musician reader

Word Count: 3.5K

start here!

Hi y'all! This will be a multi-part, slow burn story so buckle up. Also, the titles will be very tarot-based but I am by no means an expert.

Warnings: angst (resolved), swearing, mentions of anxiety & previous trauma (not graphic/explicit)

*18+ only, Minors DNI*

I’m sorry

That was all you’d written on the slip of paper you’d left behind. You were sorry? That was all you had to say after last night? What the fuck did that mean? Josh’s thoughts were racing as he pulled his clothes on, finally taking in the empty room around him. Somehow, you’d woken up well before him and had quietly packed up all of your belongings while he slept away, blissfully unaware.

The fury roaring in his chest was unfamiliar to him—he may get pissed at his brothers or annoyed at someone but fully-formed anger was not a normal experience for him. He flew out of the room, quickly making his way to Carolina’s, knocking furiously on the door.

“Oh my god, is someone dying?” he heard her mutter before finally opening the door.

“Sorry, is Y/N here?” he asked, trying to appear normal.

“No, I haven’t seen her today. She texted me that her and Caleb had an early morning writing session, I’m assuming they’re on the bus if not her room.”

Josh called a quick thanks behind his shoulders as he made his way to the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. He finally found himself outside, walking quickly towards the buses. He caught sight of you through the window and knocked on the door. Caleb appeared on the other side.

“Hey man, what’s up?” Caleb asked, frowning as he took in Josh’s expression. “You look stressed, is something wrong?”. Josh was about to snap at him but realized he was being genuine—he guessed you hadn’t mentioned anything to him either.

“Could I just grab Y/N for a minute? Please?”

Understanding crossed his face as he called out your name. Josh heard mumbling from farther into the bus but your face finally emerged. You kept your head down as you made your way down the stairs, pulling the door shut behind you.

“What’s up? Caleb said you needed me?”

Josh stared at you, his mouth open in shock. “Are you seriously asking me what’s up right now? Like you don’t know why I’m here?”

You sighed, running a hand over your face. “Look, can we not do this right now? Caleb, Jake, and I are in the middle of a song.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N, but yeah, we need to do this right now. What the fuck happened? You just disappeared!”

“I left a note!” you argued, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Ah, yes thank you for the vague ‘I’m sorry’ note with no context. That really helped to clear up my confusion when you were gone this morning.”

“What do you want me to say, Joshua?”

“I want you to explain what happened! I thought we were finally past all this shit.”

“I’m sorry, all this shit? You mean me working through my shitty previous relationship? I’m so sorry that inconvenienced you, Josh.”

“No, don’t pull that shit with me. I gave you time. I gave you my word you could make the call. And you did! You made the call last night, even though I told you I didn’t think you were in the right frame of mind.”

“Well, that concern didn’t stop you from fucking me, did it?” you spat out, causing him to physically recoil at your words. He felt like the breath had been knocked out of him as he struggled to find the right words.

“No. You are not putting this on me, Y/N. If last night was too much or you regret it, just say so. But don’t you dare fucking act like I didn’t check in with you before shit got real.”

“You said you’d take whatever I was willing to give so I don’t understand why you’re mad at me for doing just that.”

He shook his head, confused by the person standing before him. “That’s not fair. I made it abundantly clear last night that I wanted the whole thing—you, us, a real go at a relationship. You told me you wanted that too. Please, just tell me what’s wrong, I don’t understand” he begged, reaching for your hands. You wrenched them out of his grasp, your eyes going cold and flat.

“Fine, I changed my mind, okay? I have to get back to work now.” And just like that, you were gone.

***

Judging by the way Jake and Caleb were avoiding your gaze, you knew they’d seen what had happened. You knew the thick bus walls had kept the content of your conversation private but you were sure your faces and body language gave away the blow out fight that had just occurred.

“Um, I’m going to check in with Josh” Jake mumbled, giving you a confused look before quickly leaving.

You sighed, resting your head in your hands as you caught your breath. A long, pregnant silence filled the room as you felt Caleb’s eyes on you.

“What the fuck was that?” he finally questioned.

“Me blowing up my would-be relationship with Josh” you admitted, tears pricking your eyes.

“What, why?”

“Because I panicked, okay!” you yelled, finally meeting his eyes. You hoped he’d meet your anger with his own but the softness you found there was far worse. “We finally got together last night and it was perfect and wonderful and I laid awake all night overthinking it. That I had felt that happy and blissed out with Max and it totally bit me in the ass. Why would this be any different?”

“Because Josh isn’t Max, Y/N. He’s nothing like him.”

“Max wasn’t like Max until he suddenly was! He seemed totally normal and—”

“Bullshit, come on! Don’t pull that with me, I was there. Sure, you were infatuated with him but he was an asshole from day one. We tried to tell you but respected when you didn’t want to hear it. That’s not what is happening with Josh and you know that, deep down.”

You felt your throat tighten up at his words, realization settling deep in your stomach. “Look, Y/N, I’m sorry. You know I’m not good at this stuff should I just get Kimmy or Carolina?”

You shook your head as you finally gave in, sobs echoing through the bus.

“Shit, come here Y/N/N” Caleb murmured getting up and sitting beside you on the couch. Your shoulders shook as you cried and he wrapped his arms around you as you wept into his shoulder. He didn’t offer any words just slowly rubbed your back as you let it all out. You finally caught your breath and pulled back, reaching for the tissues on the living room table.

“I really fucked up, Caleb. It just felt too good to be real, you know? So, I destroyed it myself before it could hurt me. Which obviously backfired because look at me” you laughed humorlessly, motioning towards yourself.

“When did you realize you’d fucked up?”

“As soon as I was out of the hotel. But I’d already left the note and I just felt like I’d make it worse if I tried to take it back so I doubled down. God, I said such awful shit to him” you mumbled, chewing on a fingernail.

“Look, buses don’t pull out for another 30 minutes or so” he pointed out, glancing towards the clock. “Just go talk to him.”

“No, Caleb, you don’t understand, there’s no way I can face him right now. Instead of just owning what I’d done I tried to put it on him, how fucked is that? I was so scared of him turning into Max that I took that role on myself” you muttered, shame filling your gut.

“Hey, the fact that you feel shitty right now means you’re nothing like Max. Now, please, just got talk to him. You’ll have to face him eventually and I’d rather it not be awkward the last stretch of the tour.”

You nodded, cleaning your face up before heading off the bus and towards GVF’s. You waited nervously after knocking, fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. The door finally opened and you weren’t surprised that it wasn’t Josh’s face that greeted you.

“Hey, Y/N” Danny said softly, looking at you with sympathy.

“I’m guessing he doesn’t want to see me?” you murmured, eyes on the ground.

“Not right now, no. I’m sorry, sis. Just let it lay for a few days, okay? He’s really torn up about whatever happened.”

“At least he didn’t tell you what an absolute monster I was to him” you muttered, laughing quietly at yourself.

“Hey, people make mistakes, okay? No one thinks you’re a monster.”

You nodded, wiping at the tears that threatened to fall from your eyes. “Can you please just tell him I’m sorry? That I know I fucked up and I just want to talk it out. And I’m sorry I made it worse when he tried to do that earlier. I know I’m in the wrong here.”

***

“You got it, Y/N/N, I’ll pass that along. Can I hug you? We’ll see you tonight, okay?” Josh heard Danny reply.

Josh sighed, running his hands through his hair, contemplating what he and his brothers had just heard you confess to Danny.

“Look, why don’t you just talk to her now?” Sam stage-whispered before Jake smacked him in the arm to shut up. A moment later the tour bus closed and Danny returned to the living area just as the bus’s engine started.

“So, we don’t need the nitty gritty obviously but can we have, like, the bare minimum of what happened?” Danny requested. “She’s our friend too and we’re totally in the dark here.”

Josh sighed and quickly filled them in on what had happened over the last twelve hours, pulling the note from his pocket to toss it on the table. They all sat in silence after he’d finished, processing this new information. Finally, Jake spoke up, “You know she adores you, right?”

Josh scoffed, “Well, I thought she cared about me too but she made it very clear this morning that I was wrong. I mean, who does that when someone is just trying to have a conversation?”

“To be fair, she’s always kind of spooked easily” Sam added and Josh sent him a glare. “Look, I’m not saying she was right because she wasn’t but still. It almost seems like she felt backed into a corner and lashed out.”

Josh sighed, weighing his younger brother’s words. It wasn’t very often Sam was spot on with these matters but that seemed pretty accurate.

“I mean, I feel bad if she felt ambushed but what did she expect? She left a vague note after making promises she apparently couldn’t keep” Josh finished, forcing out the last few words as he felt himself choke up. Jake clapped his twin on the back as the others gave him a moment to collect himself.

“Can I share what I think happened?” Danny asked quietly and Josh nodded. “I think she got scared shitless.”

“But what could I have done to scare her? I gave her all the time in the world and so many outs along the way last night. I didn’t force the issue at all.”

“Of course, you didn’t, that’s not what I’m saying” Danny sighed, sorting through what he was trying to say. “I know you two are close but she and I are too, just in a different way. And since we never had any simmering romantic tension, I think she probably opened up a lot more to me than you when it came to her experiences with Max. She’s strong as hell, obviously, but he really did a number on her mentally. That intense anxiety and doubt? That’s all him. I’m not saying she didn’t struggle with it before, but when it came to you two? He planted so many seeds of doubt that no one would ever want her, that she wasn’t worthy of anyone else. I just think as much as she fought it, how do words like that not get stuck somewhere in your mind? When it’s fed to you for over a year?”

Josh was shocked into silence at his friend’s words. “I knew it was toxic but she never got into the mental shit that he did to her. Obviously, I knew it happened, but nothing that specific.”

Danny shrugged, “I think she worried you may start to believe that shit if she mentioned it. Like you’d somehow realize Max had been ‘right’ along. But, like Sam said, what she did was still shitty. I just wanted to give you more context.”

Josh nodded before standing up to head into his bunk, “Thanks, man, I appreciate that. I just need some time, you know?”

***

The next week passed in a miserable blur. Just before the buses had stopped, your heart had started racing with hope when Josh’s name popped up on your phone.

Can we just let this lay for a bit? I think we’re both too upset right now to talk this through sensibly. I don’t want us to say anything else we can’t take back.

As much as you felt desperate to fix things, you knew he was right. Rushing into discussions both sides weren’t ready for, when emotions were too high, had only made this worse. As much as it upset you that he hadn’t respected when you didn’t want to talk about it that morning, you knew you hadn’t left him with anything to go on, either. You both had made mistakes that day but you knew, deep down, you’d made the bigger ones. So, you’d responded that you were there and ready whenever he was.

You really hadn’t expected this to go on for a full week though. The other guys had made a point of keeping you in the loop, stopping by your room or Rising Siren’s bus to hang out. You appreciated that they still treated you like a friend, despite what was going on between you and their brother. More than anything, you missed running off after a set and wrapping Josh up in your arms. You missed your Shania duet. You missed waking up beside him each morning, feeling his warm, calming presence alongside you each day.

You were pulled from your thoughts by a knock on your hotel room door. You fought the hope that rose in your chest, desperate for it to be Josh but not wanting to be disappointed if it wasn’t. You took a deep breath before opening the door, losing your breath when your eyes met his.

“Hi” Josh said.

“Hi” you replied.

An awkward silence fell before you stepped aside, motioning him into the room. You sat cross-legged on your bed as he took a seat on the nearby arm chair.

“Can I, um, explain what happened?” you asked tentatively, and he nodded. You took a deep breath before beginning.

“First off, I want to make it clear that I understand if I explain all of this and you never want to speak to me again. I-I treated you so poorly—” you began, stopping yourself for a moment to compose yourself. “Basically, what I did was inexcusable and I get that so I appreciate you hearing me out.”

You had practiced this in your head so many times but you felt so overwhelmed with him sitting before you. “If you’re not ready to talk, I understand” Josh said.

Your head shot up, “No! No, please don’t leave, I’m ready, I promise.” You felt your anxiety skyrocket at the thought of another day with this awful thing hanging between you.

“Y/N, I’m not leaving, okay? I’m right here. I just wanted to check in, you look like you’re not breathing right” he murmured, concern obvious in his eyes. You tried to compose yourself again but his kindness undid you and you felt the tears you’d been fighting slip down your face.

“Josh, I’m just so fucking sorry. That night was perfect, better than I could have hoped. You were just so wonderfully…you. Kind, warm, loving. And it scared the shit out of me. Part of me was scared you were love-bombing me like Max had so I thought I’d just leave before it got serious. But more than that, I was terrified of what I knew deep down—that you are nothing like Max. You are patient and thoughtful and everything someone could want in a partner.”

“Then why leave like that? What did I do?” he asked, his voice breaking at the end.

“Josh, you didn’t do anything. It was all me and my stupid fucking head” you sighed in frustration. “If I’m being honest, in that moment I felt like I wasn’t worthy of you. You’re a much better person than me and I just didn’t want you to realize down the road that I wasn’t close to deserving you.”

Your admission hung heavy between the two of you, your eyes fixed on the quilt you were absent-mindedly picking, desperately waiting for his response.

“Y/N, that’s not your decision to make.”

“What?”

“I mean, it’s not your decision if I want to be with you or not. You can obviously decide if you want to be with me, that’s your choice. But I’d already made my decision and it wasn’t your place to try to make it for me because you thought you knew what was ‘best’ for me in some hypothetical future.”

You nodded sadly at his words, waiting for the hammer to fall. For him to just get to his point that you’d fucked up too much and it was over, whatever this was.

“Y/N, will you please look at me?” he asked softly and the tenderness in his voice brought more tears to your eyes. You shook your head, burying it in your hands as you sobbed.

“Oh mama, no, please don’t cry so hard” he murmured and you felt his weight settle beside you. “Can I please hold you?”

“Why would you want to? After what I did to you, what I said?” you got out in-between gasps for air.

"I need a yes or a no” was his only response and you finally nodded. He quickly pulled you into his lap, hands running through your hair as you cried onto his shoulder. You were just so tired, so worn out. The guilt and shame had been weighing on you so heavily this past week. You breathed in the scent of him, wrapping your arms around his waist as you buried your head in his chest, finally catching your breath. You two stayed like that a moment, his gentle caresses settling you down.

You moved away to finally look into his eyes and were shocked when you saw tears there. “Josh?”

“I’m sorry, it’s just…it breaks my heart that you think so little of yourself. That that motherfucker wormed his way into your beautiful brain and made you doubt yourself so fully. And I’m sorry because I know I can’t fix it, even though I want to.”

“Can I kiss you?” you asked quietly and he ran his thumb along your bottom lip before pulling you to him. This kiss felt so different than the first one you’d shared. Rather than frantic, these kisses were slow and gentle and so, so tender—they almost took your breath away. Josh was the first to pull away and he softly kissed the remnants of your tears off your cheeks.

***

You stayed, locked in each other’s embrace, foreheads resting together as you breathed each other in. “I really fucking missed you Josh.”

Your words brought a small smile to his lips, “I really missed you too, sugar. This week was fucking awful.”

You laughed humorlessly pulling away to cup his face in your hands, “That’s putting it mildly. Joshy…you know I didn’t mean anything I said that morning, right?” you asked, eyes desperately searching his.

“Of course, I do. I knew it as it was happening, I just couldn’t get through to you.”

“Can we set a new rule? If either one of us needs a pause, we pause. I know I don’t always pull away at convenient times but I could never live with myself if I said words to you in anger like that again.”

“I agree but I also need a rule that vague notes are not allowed” he teased, making you laugh and quickly agree.

You two sat in comfortable silence for a moment as Josh found the courage to request what he needed from you: “I need to hear you say what you want.”

“I want the whole thing, Josh. I want all of you, all of us. Do you understand?” Your words stole his breath away, his heart warming as you repeated his own words back to him from that fateful night.

“Then I’m yours, Y/N. All of me, everything.” As silver lined your eyes, he knew in that moment you remembered that night just as he did—as a beautiful, life-changing soul connection finally solidifying. “Please, just no more running” he begged quietly.

“No more running, I swear it” you promised, wrapping him up in your arms. He quickly buried his head into the crook of your neck, letting the promises you’d just exchanged settle into his bones.

finale posted here!

A/N: I'm sorry this is a day late, the weekend got away from me! Either way, I hope you enjoyed and are excited for the FINALE which will be up some time later this week. Thanks for all the love and support for this story <3

[smallblueandloud]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

[reactingtosomething]

Reacting to Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: The Pilot

Rooting for Her and Cursing Her All in the Same Text

The Setup: Kris and Miri were early adopters (with a caveat below) of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and Liz binged season 1 once it hit Netflix. Marchae had never seen it, but finally volunteered to watch the pilot for friendship this blog, and Kris rewatched it to React with her.

After the fact, Miri had some reactions to their reactions, and Kris had a few more thoughts. As before, those annotations are in italics.

MARCHAE: Welllllll

I finished it

And took copious notes

And I experienced a variety of things

Emotions about it

KRIS: Is there a particular emotion you want to start with?

Or we can start with your thoughts and feelings that you went into this experience with so our hypothetical readers know where you’re coming from

MARCHAE: K so it was funny so there was that. I don't usually watch comedies so I LOVE when I laugh out loud in real life

I'm gonna go kind of in no order here

Then I was annoyed because I get that's she's "crazy" which is pointed about by her medications and the fact she says it several times

K there's that

And we get she was socially awkward at like 16

But this is a Harvard Yale grad who seems to not have evolved

MIRI: I’m going to refrain from saying “But that’s the point!!!” 8,000 times, for all our sakes

So they kind of make funny of the mental stuff that I don't know was necessary and then they paint her as desperate chasing after a skateboarder

How

Why and again why

KRIS: Hmmm definitely a lot to work with here

MARCHAE: And it there were these flimsy shout outs (sexy getting rest song - which I actually liked a lot) to feminism and double standards that I think they definitely could have played with given how quirky she is

And then there is Paula who why did we need Paula to support this woman insanity about wanting a man from when she was 16

MIRI: Paula’s evolution from Stock Enabling Best Friend to well developed supporting character who enables because of her own pretty clear issues is a really interesting one, but on reflection not super clear in the pilot.

So basically humor and annoyance were my primary emotions

Maybe I thought to hard about it

Oh and there was music 😒

Three times

Like legit musical numbers 😒😒

KRIS: Yes

But they’re fantasy sequences, and not that thing you hate where everyone in the world of the story is magically musical

MARCHAE: **meh** I don't love empire for the same reason but I'll give to you! In our minds we often live it out as a musical

MIRI: Marchae hates musicals so much. She is willing to watch opera though?

KRIS: I’m so torn between wanting to defend the show and wanting to re-examine the pilot on its own terms, because I very rarely come into a pilot completely blind nowadays

I think one relevant piece of background we can start with is that this was originally intended as a half-hour on Showtime

And once they get into the hour-long format I think they do get a lot more in depth with the stuff Sexy Getting Ready Song wants to do

K: Only after we finished this chat did it occur to me to put it this way:

It takes all the things you’d expect a network comedy called “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” to be about and interrogates them

but with music

MARCHAE: Then that is actually promising

I didn't know that this was hour long until I started watching

It's odd also because as much as I know about the characters at the end of the pilot I simultaneously feel like I know nothing

I'm now curious what half hour would have looked like

KRIS: That’s interesting

I guess let’s start with Rebecca

MARCHAE: I think she may be the primary issue I'm having and you're getting my first reactions here so bare with me

I think it's this juxtaposition I'm having with the notion of the career woman who drops everything for lust/love

KRIS: Is it that you’re not sure how the show wants us to feel about her?

MARCHAE: Yes! I'm not sure if I feel sorry for her

I'm not sure if I even like her beyond the fact that she's kind of just silly

Because the stakes are mismatched for me

Most people aren't just packing up and heading out for a skateboarding boo when they are that successful

So if she'd been forced to leave the job or had an ACTUAL relationship with josh I think the sensation I'm experiencing might have been a bit different

But maybe that's the "crazy" portion of the title

MIRI: Again, this is more of a long view note, but I would say that the greatest risk CEG takes is asking us to stick with the seemingly unfeminist beginnings long enough to see what they’re doing long term with their  deconstruction of the Quirky Romcom Girl. And I’m really really glad the show has been given time to get us there.

KRIS: Yeah, I think so, and now I’m wondering how the Showtime version of this would have played out long-term

There was a little backlash about the title, which surprised Rachel Bloom (the creator/Rebecca) and Aline Brosh McKenna (the showrunner), because to them it was always supposed to be ironic

MARCHAE: Hmmmm interesting

KRIS: So over the course of the show I’ve gone back and forth on whether I “like” Rebecca, but in ways that I think are deliberate

But I think some of the ways the first act sets us up to empathize with her are how we have this off-screen mother who’s throwing Expectations at her, and the butter (?) ad she keeps seeing asking her if she’s happy, which the show knows is ridiculous and maybe a little evil

And especially how her boss lists her qualifications for the promotion, which on paper and out of context would just say “this person burns herself out for the sake of other people”

MARCHAE: I'd be curious to watch the second (third) episode and see how I feel.

I don't need to like the characters necessarily but I don't necessarily "believe" her and not in the way we see Paula not believe her.

I wanted this to push more and I think I expected it (then realized this was a CW show and not much pushing could happen)

So I would hypothesize that on HBO this show would have done a couple of things

1. Tackled the idea of her giving I bet she would have even snapped at mom (who we know from jump is not normal) 2. I also think we she may not have been as "cute" 3. We also would have seen her push the boundaries of the contradictions women face at work and in life

KRIS: The CW definitely lets them push. If I had to guess I’d say that the reason it doesn’t go further here is that they just sort of padded their original 30-minute pilot and just didn’t have the material to fill it. The Daryl introduction scene in particular felt pretty slow to me on this rewatch

And some of the stuff with Greg at the party

Like there’s a lot of dead air in this

MIRI: The scene with Greg was also originally scripted to be much more extreme--a blow job instead of making out, etc. The Vulture TV podcast has a great interview with Rachel Bloom that touches on this!

MARCHAE: Yessss I checked the time a couple of times

KRIS: I think the cuteness is partly commentary, right? On what sort of person Rebecca’s been trained to be? Or do you mean something else

MARCHAE: I think that's part of it, absolutely! But, now this is a drama I'm about to mention so tonally I know it's different... but the show Being Mary Jane

We see Mary kind of a mess at certain points - at no point do we see RB a mess we see her desperate ALL THE TIME

And for me that's problematic

Even in her musical numbers she's perpetually "shiny"

That's what I call shows people in shows that are just too good to be true

KRIS: Well the musical numbers are definitely Rebecca as she wishes she was, or at least (when they’re angry or upset musical numbers) expressing herself with the clarity she doesn’t have in normal life

So are you saying you’re not really seeing big enough highs and lows for Rebecca?

K: Presumably this is where any longtime viewers of CXG are shouting BUT YOU WILL, MARCHAE, YOU WILL, GOOD GOD YOU WILL

MARCHAE: I suppose technically that is it - my long winded explanation is that she just does not have enough emotional variance or maturity. The maturity part I know absolutely part of her character and hopefully will be part of her arc

(I think I think to hard about comedies)

KRIS: No, I think this is definitely a comedy you can overthink

I think the Daryl scene, even though the pacing was weird, was important to provide a situation where the power differential is firmly in Rebecca’s favor

And to just show her in a less emotionally intense context

MARCHAE: But even there she started crying!!! PULL IT TOGETHER WOMAN!!!!!

I wanted to shake her

KRIS: Are you thinking of Greg?

Daryl’s her boss

Daryl cried

MIRI: I LOVE DARYL

MARCHAE: MY BAD!!!

wrong awkward man

MIRI: omg 💕💕💕

KRIS: Hahahaha

MARCHAE: Rebecca probably just screamed: "Now what!! Pay attention next time b****!"

K: I feel it’s important to note that Marchae censored herself here. Miri and I have no such restraint, which may become evident if we React to anything at least one of us hates.

KRIS: OK now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t have a problem with that crying moment in that she’s crying, but it definitely does seem to be where expanding from a half-hour hurt the structure

Because that would normally be end of act two, right, like maybe page 23 in a 30-something page script

And then that Paula scene is the triumphant climax

But they’re maybe too close together in an hour-long format

MARCHAE: So question and I'm cheating because I'm asking about future episodes and arcs

KRIS: Go for it

I don’t know how much you want me to explain so ask away

MARCHAE: Does she ever become more ....

KRIS: And if anyone’s reading this they’re probably caught up

MARCHAE: I guess how does she grow ? Does Paula enable her?

Or push her to be better

Not get better but so better for herself in the romantic dept?

KRIS: Paula 80 percent enables her and 20 percent pushes her

Hmmm yes and no

It’s definitely an up-and-down-and-up-and-down thing

MARCHAE: *cringe*

MIRI: I lied, I’m saying it once and you can’t stop me: That’s the poooiiinnnnttt. It’s a little annoying at first but SO GOOD once you see what they’re doing

KRIS: I’ll say at the end of season 1 she gets what she (thinks she) wants, and by the end of season 2 she’s lost it definitively

(I think they have a five-year plan)

MARCHAE: You had me rooting for her and cursing her all in the same text

KRIS: I think that’s EXACTLY how the show works

So obviously Rebecca’s really smart, and she does grow as a person, but a simplified version of what happens is that whenever she’s about to have a critical self-aware epiphany she gets the thing she wants that she shouldn’t want, and that sets her back

developmentally

MARCHAE: So basically she becomes an infant by the end of the season!!!!

NOoooooo

So now I want to watch the entire show to see how this plays out

MIRI: Yesssss!

KRIS: Did you want to talk about Paula issues?

MARCHAE: I do

But you answered that one for me because I was curious if we see Paula as sort of the antithesis of RB

So is Paula there for the sake of satiating her desire to have some drama in her life via RBs antics

?

KRIS: Yeah pretty much

And you meet her kids and husband

MARCHAE: Sweet grief I can't even imagine that home (actually I can-but I hope it is the opposite of what I'm thinking)

K: I really wanted to defend/say more about Paula but ultimately erred on the side of avoiding spoilers.

I do want to go back a few beats though to the to the fact that the show touches or intros the idea of RB being on some kind of medication for anxiety at the very least

Does the show explore that a bit more

KRIS: Yeah, definitely

You’ll meet her mom and there are some more flashback-y bits

And she gets a therapist

MARCHAE: *thank you to the heavens above ah-men*

Oh good

I was worried that it was just a device to say "hey she's crazy she's on medication!"

I am glad to know it's not!

KRIS: I mean Rebecca’s definitely in denial most of the time but the show knows she SHOULD be working through her stuff in a healthier way

MARCHAE: YES!!!

KRIS: Yeah, I definitely read the sink scene as a legitimate “oh noooo” moment

MARCHAE: That's what I thought - I wanted them to call back to it though in some way. Maybe show her looking for the medication and realizing: "uh yeah, I pitched those"

KRIS: I forget how soon her meds specifically get brought up again but I think right now she definitely just doesn’t think she needs them anymore

MARCHAE: Yeah I definitely over thought that one for sure

But so happy to know they work it out!!!!

KRIS: I should say that it does have the normal problem a lot of shows have, of episodes 2 and 3 being a little shaky (3 more so, if I remember right), but 4 is great

MARCHAE: So I'm in for at least five?

KRIS: Your call! But I definitely think it’s worth it.

MIRI: I actually missed a few episodes after the pilot because I feel second hand embarrassment so incredibly acutely that I wasn’t sure I’d be able to watch this show at all. Got sucked back in about halfway through the season and then went back to catch up.

MARCHAE: A lot to ask for me and a comedy, but curiosity (even for just a character development standpoint) has me wanting to binge

KRIS: There are also some really good supporting characters you haven’t gotten to meet yet

K: I am SO EXCITED for Marchae to meet Heather and Father Brah

If it helps to get through it, Allison Shoemaker does the episode reviews on The AV Club and she’s GREAT

MARCHAE: Ill have to check some of those out!!!

I'm skimming titled and notice we live with Josh all season

KRIS: He’s not really always a major character but they’re definitely through the lens of Rebecca’s obsession

MARCHAE: Which should be interesting it reminds of a thing you see a lot in thrillers (novels in particular) where the center of attention isn't always present but that idea of them makes you want more of them and provides simultaneously more insight into our actual main character

That's kind of cool

KRIS: Yeah

Any other thoughts?

MARCHAE: I think I got em all

NO LIED

Is it always a musical *in tiny tiny voice*

MIRI: Marchae once spent a solid five-ten minutes arguing her case for why tv musicals were not ok. ‘If I jumped up on this table and started singing you would think I was crazy! You’d tell me to get down before I broke my laptop!’ was more or less the gist. Arguments that all forms of media have their own absurd conventions had no impact. Also, she is fine with at least some theatrical musicals. We still love her.

KRIS: I think they average two numbers an episode? Sometimes there’s just one, sometimes they have 3, but I don’t think they’ve ever done an episode without any musical bits.

Or maybe two and a half. They do interesting things with little reprises and callbacks

But they cover a really wide range of styles

Daryl gets a country number

But Daryl also gets a bizarre electronica number

So

Yeah

MARCHAE: I did just shake my head in actual real life

KRIS: HA

MARCHAE: I guess you can't win em all

KRIS: There’s definitely white girl rapping

But it’s also kind of a highlight of the season?

(I’m listening to the soundtrack now to remember things)

MARCHAE: Lawd Jesus *insert spiritual humming and rocking and sings peace be still*

I'll make it!

It's a trade off. I think it'll be good

I think we got all my big questions

And small ones

KRIS: Go us

When you come to LA maybe we should go to West Covina

I actually have no clue if that’s a good idea

MARCHAE: HAHAHAHAHAH

I should google map it and take a gander

We hope we’ve successfully bullied Marchae into watching more of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, and if so, we’ll be sure to check back in for a mid-season and/or finale follow-up post!

[beabaseball]

beauty and the beast review [’out-of-context spoiler’ warning]

So I saw Beauty and the Beast last night and I actually had some pretty clear thoughts on it! I’m still not fully sure how to get a format for movie reviews, so suggestions would be helpful if you have any thoughts on that!

Overall, I wasn’t super excited about a new Beauty and the Beast ‘live-action’ movie when I first heard about it; it wasn’t my didney favorite as a kid and as much as I liked to defend it, it never really had much for me personally, so I ended up going in without seeing many of the designs or any of the trailers. I just knew the basics that most people already knew when going in: emma watson, cgi, gay lefou, and the story being a ‘darker take’ on the tale.

Honestly, I was very impressed with the changes to the story that this adaption made. The added backstory to the Beast and the Witch were the most key things: showing that the Beast wasn’t a spoiled eleven year old orphaned prince (who honestly wouldn’t have deserved to be turned into a beast and his whole household cursed, no matter who he turned away) but someone older and capable of making his own (cruel) decisions, albeit influenced by the ages and things that had happened to him in life.

Other things that made me quite happen in the story was how the relationship had been changed to make it very clear that it was not stockholm syndrome (something which has been put out-of-context in Beauty and the Beast narratives of the cartoon, when it’s Lima Syndrome if anything) but that Beast and Belle do genuinely have shared interests, and once they are able to talk, they do begin to grow and change as people beside each other. The biggest point to this is the infamous library scene, which detractors say is a false gift because ‘it was already there to begin with, he didn’t actually give her anything except show her where it was,’ and which fans say is Beast trying to cater to Belle’s interest. Instead of it being muddily worded, this time, the Beast simply brings Belle to the library, and upon seeing her interest in books, says ‘well, it’s yours then,’ making it clear this was not planned, but simple surprising correspondence of interest. As much as the servants are certainly in on trying to make Beast and Belle into a ‘thing’ to save themselves (understandably), once Beast and Belle actually do form a connection, the servants quickly lose their control as the two tear off on their own direction.

Finally, one thing that I was very surprised about was the amount of black actors in the movie. The vast majority are background characters, but two prominent servants are revealed to be black at the end of the film, one of them explicitly very beautiful, and the village Father who runs the little library Belle borrows from is black. Several other villages are also black, and there are several end-game mixed romances. Cons where cons are due: most of the black actors were servants which has connotations I don’t think I’m qualified to speak of, I can’t remember if any of the black characters notably spoke to each other, and none of the well known lead characters are black. Still, the casual inclusion of non-white was definitely something refreshing to see, and a trend I hope continues until it’s no longer startling to see multiple named back characters who aren’t playing the martyr-esque perfect magical side character meant to bring out the best in the protagonist/God.

Finally, the issue that I think people were most contentious about: Le Fou.

If you asked our childhood selves, I don’t think any of us would’ve expected walking into a remake of Beauty and the Beast where the character we planned on watching closest was Le Fou.

To get the final verdict out of the way: I personally prefer a Beauty and the Beast that had Le Fou as an explicitly gay character with a flawed portrayal than to have a Beauty and the Beast without a gay Le Fou at all. I think it would have been immeasurably worse to have Le Fou continue to be a gay stereotype bumbling along beside Gaston than to have had Disney not attempt something, but this is my personal opinion, and I do have a lot of reservations.

First of all: I don’t think Le Fou was explicitly gay in the film. We knew from interviews beforehand, but going into the film itself? It felt more like they were trying to hint at it than anything. The only moments Le Fou does anything ‘explicitly’ gay is when it’s played for laughs, particularly in the scene where Le Fou whips up the crowd to praise Gaston. He’s treated better than his cartoon counterpart--he has brains and charisma, and is treated and viewed more as Gaston’s right-hand rather than a bumbling lackey, but the root of the problem still remains that, in trying to keep true to the basic narrative (Belle goes to Beast, Gaston and town follow, Gaston tries to kill Beast) they have also left Le Fou ineffectual and unabe to deviate from his ultimate role as a side character who could vanish from the plot with no consequence. Just because he’s more charismatic and his comedy comes from his snarky muttering than his foolishness doesn’t mean he’s given any more plot weight than before--and that does make me sad.

It also makes me sad that it wasn’t more explicit and the only moments that were explicit were jokes. If I were a child or uninformed adult walking in, I’m not sure if I would realize that Le Fou was in love with Gaston, despite Josh Gad’s admirable acting. I wish there had been more opportunities taken in the movie to make this more explicit, but Le Fou comes across as someone who’s trying to get Gaston to focus on other ladies… not on himself.

And on the level of those outside the movie theater: Howard Ashman was a lyricist for Beauty and the Beast, revitalizing Disney and notably writing the eponymous song featured in the film (Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, Beauty and the Beast). Ashman was gay and severely ill while working on Beauty and the Beast, dying in 1991 of AIDs shortly after it was completed without ever seeing the final product. For two decades after the death of the man who helped revitalized Disney, in 2017, Beauty and the Beast should absolutely have a gay character in it, and perhaps Le Fou was indeed a good choice for that!

But the fact remains that Le Fou is named “the crazy/insane” one, is the only character in a miserable, abusive relationship, and in a film where we get not one but multiple happy straight couples at the end, the sole gay person is left alone and miserable in the climax except for a single blink-and-you-miss-it scene (that I did almost miss due to being in the middle of blinking and so I didn’t even see his face and I just kind of assume it was him because of costuming) and then is never mentioned again.

So I don’t know what Howard Ashman would’ve wanted. I don’t know how any of his surviving loved ones may feel. I am glad that there was a gay character. But I think that they could’ve given a stronger tribute and homage to a man who helped this company so much, who died a miserable death to a miserable illness, and who created the words to a world that children like him will continue to grow up in.

I know it would be difficult without ‘altering’ the movie’s basic plot too much, but even just little things might’ve gone over well: Belle’s father finding Le Fou afterwards and comforting him, perhaps, both having to leave behind the people they loved for their own good and the good of those around them. Having some background utensils being gay as well to take the entire strain of representation off of Le Fou. Even just lingering with him a little longer at the end would’ve been appreciated.

I’m glad he was there. But I wish he was a little more.

...finally, some things that are closer to nitpicks:

Beauty and the Beast clearly demonstrates the difficulties with having live animals and CGI animals, re: the live action horse being surrounded by all those goddamn wolves and just bein super chill. Because they’re CGI wolves. It ends up looking like the world’s least startle-able horse, even in scenes where you really really think the horse should be just. Screaming.

Emma Watson appears to be in a separate room from all other characters throughout the entire movie. Part of this is because sometimes she is, as she has the most parts in the movie with only CGI characters to act off of, and entire scenes where she’s expected to just sit there looking impressed at the thin air (see: be our guest). The problem comes with what I’m assuming is a directorial decision to also have her act like she’s completely ignoring the townspeople half the time earlier on in the film, and then later saying that she feels like she’s shunned by them. We do have one scene of bullying, but unfortunately it’s overshadowed by everything else, and when you put it together, it looks like she had to film the whole movie but the end in a completely different room from everyone else.

Lastly:

...seriously, you can tell those wolves were not the priority for the animation team, oh holy hell.

TLDR: overall good film, liked the plot changes, conflicted but supported about le fou, i realized I didn’t mention Gaston but that was just because he was so seamlessly in that I totally blanked, y’all did fucking great with Gaston, nitpicks about wolves and CGI that I’m sure the animation dept. would like to Explain Why We Did That, M’AAM and I trust you all i’m sorry. It’s just. The wolves. And please give Emma Watson irl people to bounce off of. Please. She does so much better with that. You can’t just force her to look bemused but affectionate all the time, it doesn’t work.

3.5/5 thumbs up. Pretty good but not stellar for my taste, but worth a gander if you’re curious.