#oh my god i’ve been on tumblr for six years. what the fuck

[supergraphicultramoderngirl]

remembering when i used to engage in fandom discourse. lmao like girl i know it’s the whole mortifying ordeal of being 15 but it’s really not that serious

[crinkled-emotions]

Day 31: Free Day (Surprise fic!)

This one... oof. I can't believe it's finally here.

I'm super grateful to those people who have sent in asks or commented on the fics, I honestly didn't think I'd be able to get to 31 🥺 I talked more about it on the Ao3 version of this because tumblr is a NIGHTMARE for hate asks atm.

Warnings: Carole's cancer diagnosis and discussions of cancer-related complications, Goose's accident, Hangman's fear of not being fast enough to get to Mav and Rooster during the Dagger mission. Rooster also puts himself back into therapy.

This fic also contains Hangster and a couple of very special guests!! I really went loose with this one, I didn't edit it particularly hard nor did I think about whether it would be received well. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it 🥹

-

-

“Jake Seresin, you have three seconds to get over here and explain yourself!”

Hangman’s head shot up, glancing over the back of the couch in Maverick’s hangar. Coyote frowned from beside him, following his gaze to see three figures coming into the space.

“Oh shit,” Hangman hissed, “I gotta hide.”

He got up and made an abrupt disappearing act into the hangar, Coyote calling after him but to no avail. Phoenix was standing too, beaming as she ran to give one of the people coming toward them a hug.

“Oh my god, I haven’t seen you in forever! How are you?”

“Honey we are doing just fine.”

Phoenix folded into the older woman’s arms, surprisingly affectionate with her which the others were now watching closely considering Phoenix was more likely to bite someone’s head off rather than giving them a hug.

“You’re here!”

Maverick came out of the airstream, Rooster following shortly after. He stopped dead in his tracks halfway down the stairs, eyes widening.

“Mom? Dad?”

-

Carole surged forward, leaving Goose in his wheelchair for a moment to wrap her son in a hug.

“Bradley,” she breathed. Nothing more needed to be said.

“What the fuck?”

Sorry. Except for that. Thanks Fanboy.

“Uh- guys, uh... meet my parents. This is my mom, Carole... and my dad. Goose.”

Rooster helped his dad join the group, gently touching his shoulder.

“You okay, dad?”

“Better than you,” Goose retorted, earning an eye roll. Carole swatted Rooster’s shoulder and then extended her arms to give Maverick a hug too.

“And you, Maverick, what were you thinking?!”

“Carole, I-“

“-god, if we’d lost both of you...”

She pulled away, tears in her eyes as she looked between Rooster and Maverick, then sighed.

“Is Jake here?”

“Mom...” Rooster started carefully but she held out a hand.

“I just want to talk to him for a moment.”

“He’s down the back, ma’am,” Bob offered. Carole waved at him, pressed a kiss to Goose’s lips and Rooster’s temple then made her way through the collection of vintage cars and a plane or two. The Daggers turned toward Rooster, gobsmacked.

“Why the hell are your parents all buddy buddy with Maverick?” Payback demanded. Rooster just smirked.

“Have you not been listening for the last six weeks?”

-

“Jake, I know you’re back here.”

Hangman grimaced, slowly turning toward Carole. The older woman stood by the photo wall, arms crossed.

“Ma’am, I-“

“-since when have I been ma’am to you? Honey you were there for three Christmases, you don’t ever need to ma’am me.”

Hangman grimaced, leaning on the workbench.

“I said some really awful things to Rooster- Bradley. I said things I didn’t mean and now he’s mad as hell. How are you not pissed at me for everything I’ve done?”

“I don’t think he is, and I’m certainly not. Yours and Bradley’s relationship ended but that doesn’t mean I stopped worrying about you.”

Carole and Goose had taken Jake in all those years ago when Rooster took him home for the first time, constantly looking to him for reassurance because he didn’t know what it was like to have a supportive, welcoming family. Goose was paralysed from the neck down but he didn’t let it affect his charm and his sense of humour; Carole had survived what was almost terminal cancer and she still held her own against her incredibly stubborn son and husband. Hangman cleared his throat, eyes falling to the concrete flooring.

“I thought they were dead.”

“I can’t imagine how scared you must have been. You and Bradley...”

Carole Bradshaw was fun loving, loud and the life of the party at all times but she also raised what could only be described as a handful of a son with a gentle hand and her maternal instincts came out with almost everyone she met, Hangman included. He’d spent many a night sitting up with her, the two of them the insomniacs of their relationships, just talking about anything and nothing.

She was the mother figure he’d never had.

“Jake. Are you okay?”

“No,” he choked out. Carole’s eyes softened and she stepped forward to pull him into a hug.

-

“So what Bagman said, about Mav and your dad-“

“-it’s true, my dad and Mav were at TOPGUN when the accident happened. My dad was in a coma for... a really long time. When he did finally come around he couldn’t feel anything from his chest down. All the PT in the world can’t fix the kind of paralysis he has.”

“Man, that must have been really difficult for you. I’m sorry.”

Bob’s voice broke the silence first. Rooster hummed.

“I remember my mom was doing the laundry once and she just started bawling. Mav said she found a load of my dad’s clothes she’d forgotten about and it just... yeah. I don’t actually remember seeing dad all that often, one minute he was gone and the next he was sitting in his new wheelchair at home and he couldn’t pick me up anymore.”

Phoenix’s brows furrowed.

“I can’t even imagine. Your mom was sick too, right?”

“It was three years of hell.”

Maverick and Goose joined the Daggers by the couches, Maverick ruffling Rooster’s hair as Rooster glanced over at his dad.

“You handle the drive alright?”

“Yeah, fine. How about you kid, you doing okay?”

“Just glad to be on the ground,” Rooster said quietly. He felt Goose gently touch his shoulder.

“We’ll talk about this later.”

Rooster hummed, glancing around.

“Where did mom go?”

“I’m here honey. Have you told them about the Walmart diaper story yet?”

“Mom,” Rooster groaned as Carole and Hangman appeared from the back of the hangar. Phoenix’s eyes lit up and she scooted over on the couch to make room for Carole.

“Wait, I haven’t heard this one. I thought I had all the BB Blackmail.”

“The what?”

“Oh, Roos,” Hangman shook his head, “you have no idea.”

-

That evening Carole and Goose retired to the house beside the hangar- Maverick tended to sleep in the airstream in the hangar itself but the house had been specifically fitted with everything Goose needed for his wheelchair access including the bathroom and kitchen. The Daggers rolled out their swags across the hangar but stayed up a little longer to talk. Everyone started to drift off except Rooster and Hangman, sitting up on the couches together with a beer in hand.

“I don’t get it,” Hangman said, “you almost lost your parents and you still cut Maverick off.”

“Jake I don’t want to get into this with you,” Bradley groaned.

“No, you listen to me. Mav might have a couple screws loose but he must have done it for a reason.”

“I think my mom had something to do with it. She always went quiet when I started talking about the Navy or begging to get my licence.”

“Can you blame her? She almost lost her husband and her best friend in one hit.”

“Yeah, I do blame her. This was so fucking important to me, it was all I could talk about.”

“I know, Bradley, I remember when you found out why you were four years behind everyone else.”

Hangman took a sip of his beer, eyes to his lap.

“Left me in the dust.”

“Jake, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“I’m going to bed. Drink some water before you try to sleep.”

Hangman stood, collecting the beer bottles around the hangar to put in the trash before rolling out his swag. Rooster sighed.

“Jake, I’m sorry.”

“Goodnight.”

-

Carole and Maverick stood out in the bright morning sunlight just outside the hangar doors, drinking coffee and looking over the desert.

“How long were Hangman and Bradley together?” Maverick asked.

“Almost four years. Bradley was never the same after he found out about his papers.”

“Couldn’t get off his perch?” Maverick supplied. Carole laughed.

“Sure.”

Then she turned to face Maverick properly.

“What happened on that mission, Pete? Bradley calls after deployments but he doesn’t spend hours just sitting there listening to us babble. I’ve never seen Jake that haunted either.”

“You really want to know?” Maverick asked. When Carole just glared at him he sighed.

“Alright, we better sit down. Let’s go inside.”

They headed into the house, taking a seat at the dining table. Carole reached over and squeezed Maverick’s hand.

“I know this one was different.”

“I didn’t expect to come home from this one.”

“Pete you say that all the time-“

“-no I mean it. I saw the mission plan and I knew someone wasn’t coming home. If that was going to be the case, I wanted it to be me.”

“Pete, you did that. Everyone made it thanks to you.”

“How much did Bradley tell you?”

“Enough to know I could have lost both of you.”

“It’s a good thing Jake was spare; I knew if it came down to it he would be the one who’d push their jet to the limits to help in time without hesitating. He might be an ass at the best of times but he saved our lives. I’ll forever be grateful for that.”

Carole glanced down at her coffee cup.

“I think something shook loose in Bradley this time.”

“Me too.”

Maverick touched her hand, gesturing toward the bedroom.

“How’s he doing? Anything from the docs?”

“Oh, the usual. The nerve pain isn’t any better but he doesn’t want to tell Bradley.”

“We spent too long keeping secrets from Bradley, Carole.”

“I know, I just... he’s doing so well at work and the way he was last night- that’s the Bradley I know and love. He was smiling and laughing like I haven’t seen him in years.”

Maverick smiled.

“Yeah, I thought so too. Just... talk to him.”

“I will.”

Carole got up, rinsing out her coffee cup.

“You think he’s going to be okay?”

“He’s tough.”

“But is he going to be okay, Pete?”

Maverick frowned.

“I don’t know, Carole. All we can do is make sure he knows we’ve got his back.”

-

“So your mom looks good.”

“Are you flirting? Phoenix, she’s my mom.”

Phoenix gaped at Rooster for a second, then she burst out laughing and took his cup of coffee from him.

“Shut up, god knows you’re still flirting with Hangman after all these years.”

It was Rooster’s turn to stare hopelessly at her. She elbowed him in the side.

“Seriously. I haven’t seen your mom smile that hard in years-“

“-Bradley! Come help with breakfast!”

Carole called out the front door of the house and Rooster smiled at her over his shoulder.

“Be there in a second, mom!”

He took his coffee back from Phoenix and drained the mug, planting it back in her hand.

“Thanks for... everything, Tash.”

He headed back for the house when Carole yelled again, leaving Phoenix staring blankly after him. She heard someone else approach her from behind and smiled when she realised it was Bob and Fanboy.

“I didn’t think he knew how to smile,” Fanboy started. Bob nodded.

“It felt like I was talking to a brick wall sometimes, but this Rooster? It’s almost unsettling.”

“You know the story about his papers?” Phoenix asked them, both men shaking their heads. Phoenix sighed.

“Well, uh, after Mav and Rooster’s father were in a really awful crash, and Rooster’s mom beat cancer by the skin of her teeth, Rooster thinks she wasn’t down for him risking his life like Maverick still does and his father did. Apparently it was all he could talk about from the moment he was old enough to understand the Navy.”

“My dad’s a rancher, I wanted to be one for years too,” Bob supplied but Phoenix cleared her throat.

“It went so much deeper than that. Mr Bradshaw almost died from his injuries and then the infection he sustained later on. I don’t think Carole could have handled losing Bradley too, so Rooster thinks she might have asked Mav to pull his papers from the Naval Academy. It set him back four years which is how we ended up in the same TOPGUN class with Hangman. I don’t know all the details but I think Rooster’s finally made peace with whatever happened between then and now.”

Bob was quiet for a moment, processing everything, but Fanboy’s brows furrowed.

“Why was he so damn bitchy with Mav if it was his mom that pulled his papers?”

“You’d have to ask him.”

“No thanks,” Fanboy and Bob said simultaneously, earning laughter.

“He lived with him.”

They all jumped when Hangman appeared beside them, eyes on the desert in front of them rather than looking toward his teammates.

“What?”

“When things got really bad, Rooster moved in with Mav.”

Phoenix sighed.

“That tracks.”

“Is he gonna be pissed you can’t keep your mouth shut?” Phoenix asked Hangman, who just shrugged.

“He’s already pissed.”

“Daggers! Breakfast!”

The conversation was cut short by Maverick calling out for everyone to come eat, Payback and Coyote emerging from the hangar and Phoenix following the others down the hill where they’d been talking.

-

“Mrs Bradshaw, can I ask- Bradley Bradshaw?”

Carole smiled at Payback, patting his hand.

“He didn’t tell you?”

“Mom,” Rooster started quietly which immediately had everyone’s attention. Phoenix put her fork down, raising an eyebrow.

“No, please tell us. What are we missing?”

“When Bradley was born, his mom was-“

“-dad.”

The Cheshire-cat grin on Hangman’s face told the others he hadn’t heard this story either. Goose glanced between the Daggers then he smiled. Rooster put his head in his hands.

“So Mav and I were on base when Carole called to say she was in labour. It was just lucky that we were only a half hour away instead of being deployed so we were able to get to the hospital fast.”

Goose’s eyes met Carole’s and he smiled softly at her. Phoenix wondered what it was like to be that in love, then almost choked when she realised Hangman had a matching fond look on his face... directed at Rooster.

“Anyway, so we get in the room and Carole is doing her thing and she looks me dead in the eye... says she wants to call him Bradley then just starts laughing. I thought it was a joke, but the second Mav held him he says he looks like a Nick Junior. We compromised; my middle name is James, so...”

“Oh my god. Your middle name is James?” Phoenix says. Rooster sighed.

“Alright, let’s hear it.”

“We didn’t mean to call him BJ, it just happened.”

The Daggers frantically tried to avoid eye contact with one another so they didn’t burst out laughing, but Phoenix rested her head on Bob’s shoulder to stifle her giggling and that was it for the rest of them. Rooster rolled his eyes.

“I’m spitting in your food tonight.”

“How sweet, BJ!” Phoenix grinned. Even Maverick was smiling as he shook his head.

“I swear I work with teenagers.”

-

“How are you doing, kid?”

Rooster glanced over as his dad came into the living room, sending him a soft smile.

“I’m okay.”

“You’ve been quiet.”

“Dad. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know, B.”

Neither Goose nor Carole called him any variation of Rooster; it was always his first name or a nickname. Bradley’s shoulders relaxed and he shrugged.

“Look, it’s fine, it’s no big deal.”

Goose frowned.

“Well, from experience, almost dying is a big deal. Almost dying twice? I mean, I’m surprised you’re not drunk under a tree kid.”

That earned a snort.

“Bradley, you came home different.”

His eyes dropped to his lap and he took a deep breath.

“I know.”

“Kid, no one expects you to have it all together.”

That seemed to unlock something and Bradley hummed, then cleared his throat.

“Bradley?”

“Dad I can’t- I can’t breathe.”

“Alright, put your head between your knees. You’ve done this before, it’s okay.”

“Is he okay? Bradley, sweetheart what’s going on? Goose?”

Carole appeared from downstairs, rubbing her hand over her son’s back and cupping his forehead.

“Just breathe, honey. In through your nose, out through your mouth.”

Bradley did as his father had said, focusing on the air moving through his lungs. He heard his mother talking to him and his father softly, her hand firm on his back. He might have been in his thirties but times like these brought him right back to his teenage years when everything was too much, or when he and Jake broke up and the only person more upset had been his mom.

“Fuck, Roos. You good? I thought you said these stopped.”

Somehow Bradley had missed the door opening. His head shot up to find Hangman standing by the entrance to the living room, arms crossed over his chest. He strode across the room and pulled the curtains shut then went into the kitchen. Carole gently brushed Bradley’s curls from his face.

“Say the word and he goes.”

“No, no it’s okay,” he managed to get out, carefully working himself back upright. Goose watched him for a moment.

“Feel okay?”

“God, no.”

-

“How long has it been since you, your parents and Mav were all in the same room?”

Rooster glanced down at Phoenix’s head on his shoulder as they sat on a picnic blanket, looking over the sunset. She glanced up at him, waiting for an answer.

“Too long,” he sighed. Phoenix smiled.

“It must be weird having all three parents in the same room.”

“Scary to think I could have had none of them. I can’t- if I’d lost them...”

Phoenix touched his shoulder.

“But you didn’t.”

“I almost did. All three of them, at various stages. For a while there it felt like the moment I caught my breath it would all go bad again.”

“I know.”

She did, of course she did. She’d been the one to find him in the barracks, staring helplessly at his phone. Hangman was long gone at that point, so Phoenix had booked him a flight home and urged him to speak to his CO about leave. Initially his leave request was denied but a call from a certain Admiral had made it so he had a couple days to go home and be with his family when his mom had a scare at a check up scan.

“I think I’m going to lose them, Tasha.”

“Oh, Roos.”

“Mom’s been in remission for almost three years and dad’s not in any immediate danger but Mav... it’s so fuckin’ stupid.”

“It’s not; Mav lives life on the edge,” Phoenix reassured. Rooster snorted.

“Yeah.”

“Well, have you spoken to him about it?”

“Pot, kettle, black.”

Phoenix punched his shoulder.

“Maybe he could use a reminder about what he’s got to come home to. It must have been difficult juggling holidays if you couldn’t even be in the same room together.”

“Oh no, we had it down to a fine art. I got Christmas but I made sure to be busy at Easter-“

“-you mean drunk.”

“I mean drunk.”

Rooster sighed, nudging Phoenix’s shoulder.

“I gotta sort my shit out with Seresin, I’ll come find you later.”

“Go get ‘em, Roo. Get laid.”

Rooster rolled his eyes as he stood, dusting off his jeans before he headed to find Hangman sitting with Payback and Fanboy arguing about college football.

“Hey, Seres- uh, Jake. Can we talk?”

“Sure.”

He scooted over on the couch but Rooster shook his head.

“Not here.”

Fanboy and Payback exchanged a look.

“No, man, you guys stay here. We can argue about football elsewhere.”

Payback stood, grabbing Fanboy by the end of his jacket to get him to follow. Hangman stood.

“Look, Bradshaw, I-“

Rooster gently took him by the arm and led into the airstream, closing the door behind him.

-

Hangman’s brows furrowed.

“What are you doing?”

“Thanks for earlier. When I-“

“-yeah, don’t sweat it.”

A pause.

“So... was that it-“

“-I’m sorry for what I did to us.”

Jake’s eyebrows shot up.

“Bradley... that was three years ago.”

“Did you move on? See other people?”

“Not like I saw you.”

Rooster leaned back against the kitchen counter.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

The tension in the tiny airstream could have been cut with a knife. Hangman crossed his arms over his chest; Rooster reached out to touch him but stopped at the last second. The last thing he wanted Jake to think was that he was apologising for sex. To his surprise Jake met him halfway, lacing their fingers together.

“All I ever wanted was for you to talk to me.”

“I didn’t know how.”

“Do you now?”

“I want to try.”

Jake’s shoulders settled.

“Bradley, this... I can’t go another round if you’re going to get cold feet and leave again.”

“I’m not talking out of my ass, Jake.”

“Fucking prove it, because I won’t do this again.”

Bradley reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, tapping away for a moment. Jake watched him, brows furrowed.

“Are you seriously answering a text right now?”

“No, I’m pulling up an appointment. Look.”

He thrust the phone into Jake’s hand. Sure enough, it was an appointment confirmation booking for a therapy centre in San Diego.

“Wait, this isn’t the VA-“

“-I don’t want to talk to someone who’s associated with the Navy, my... issues aren’t with the Navy. They’re issues from my childhood, shit I never talked about. Not even with my parents or Mav.”

Jake swallowed, passing the phone back.

“Is this some adrenaline thing? Get back on dry land, sleep with your ex, trauma gone and appointment cancelled?”

“No.”

For some reason, he believed him. Maybe it was because he could hear the sincerity in Bradley’s voice, the way he ducked his head to meet Jake’s eyes. He didn’t tense up when Jake put a hand on his chest, leaning in to press a kiss to his cheek.

“If we’re serious about this, we do it properly. No sex, no making out to avoid talking about our feelings. I don’t care if it sounds dumb, I want to know what’s going on with you.”

“I know. I’m going to try. I don’t want to let you down ever again.”

Jake didn’t know if he was a weak man, a dumb man or a whipped man, but he didn’t shy away when Bradley leaned in and kissed him softly.

“I missed you, darlin’,” he whispered, hands finding Bradley’s hips.

“I missed you too. I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

Jake wrapped him in a hug, burying his face against Bradley’s neck. When he opened his eyes, he groaned.

“We have paparazzi.”

“What?”

Bradley pulled away, glancing over his shoulder.

“Guys,” he groaned

“Carry on!” Phoenix called through the open window, Coyote holding up a bowl of what looked like popcorn.

“Are they back together yet?” Carole called from the couch.

“Yes, mom, we’re back together.”

Jake and Bradley exchanged a look, then Jake took him by the hand.

“We can talk more later when we get back to San Diego.”

“I’d like that.”

-

“We did good, Goose.”

Goose hummed, watching the Daggers playing dogfight football on the empty tarmac.

“We did, honey.”

Carole squeezed his hand.

“You owe me twenty bucks.”

“You bet they’d be back together when we got here!” Goose protested. She sent him a look and he sighed.

“We share an account honey.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I have a better idea.”

They exchanged a look, then Carole squeezed his hand and stood.

“Mav! You lost!”

“Fuck.”

-

[missmaywemeetagain]

A Million Little Heartaches: Pandora's Box 💔💫❤️‍🔥

A/N: Hi, my darlin's! I was feeling a little hesitant about posting my first non-EP fic, but I got over myself lol. This one is a bit of an experiment as it's not told in chronological order, and we'll see if I continue it based on inspiration and interest. Please let me know your thoughts! As always, they are so appreciated and what helps keep me motivated a lot of the time, especially as I'm trying new things. I really hope you enjoy it and can't wait to hear what you think. 💗

ALSO, I'm not sure if tumblr has changed its algorithm or what, but I know I'm not seeing people's posts in my feed like I used to. Turn on notifications for me to not miss anything and if you like this, it would be super helpful if you reblog this post! Thank you babies! 💗

Key Tropes: Angst, right person(s)-wrong time, star-crossed lovers, slow burn kinda? friends to enemies to friends to lovers?(LOL), forbidden love, second chance love

💥 Head's up! My first Scarf Universe exclusive (Red Scarf) is set to come out THIS WEEK for my Patreons! It's utterly filthy and indulgent, so if you are interested, you can join my Patreon community HERE to get access! 💥

A Million Little Heartaches

Part 1: Pandora’s Box

March 2026

I’ve curled my legs up under me in an oversized armchair, staring aimlessly at the fire. My empty wine glass is precariously balanced in my hand as I am hypnotized by the flames. Liam’s angry outburst shocked everyone, and his words still ring like poison in my ears:

You abandoned me.

I run through all the things I could’ve said in response instead of just standing there speechless as he ripped me into pieces in front of everybody.

Namely, you made your choice, Liam. And it wasn’t me.

It was never me.

Good ole Lily, forever the consolation prize, I muse, shaking my head.

There’s a hollow feeling in my heart that hasn’t been there for a long, long time.

“Mind if I join you?” Jake’s rumbling voice startles me out of my staring contest with the fire.

Oh god, now? Seriously? is what I’m thinking, but I manage a cordial nod instead, setting my empty glass on the side table next to me.

He sits in the chair facing mine. A glance over reminds me he’s a man now, not a boy, the firelight hitting the weathered but not unattractive lines on what used to be a baby face. The peach fuzz which had tickled my cheek so long ago is now a short, dark beard on a sharper, less rounded jaw. His once sandy hair has darkened some and is peppered with grey. He has aged well.

I can’t imagine how he must be looking at me after all these years, at the changes he must see. I know I’m not the girl I was. I look back at the fire.

“Are you okay?” he asks after a moment of silence.

I roll my eyes over to him and huff a bitter laugh. “Does it matter?”

I shouldn’t have said it like that—Liam’s freak out wasn’t Jake’s fault—but everything feels so fucking raw that I don’t have the wherewithal for a filter.

“It always has,” he says quietly.

The words hang there between us, heavy. There’s a poignancy and deeper meaning to them that slaps me out of my pity party.

“Excuse me?” I breathe out, blinking. My heart starts racing, like a hummingbird trapped in my ribcage.

He doesn’t get to say my feelings have always mattered. Not him. Not the guy who dragged me to hell and back because he was too much of a coward to let me down easy. Not the one who I spent nearly six years trying desperately to know and wishing for him to know me, too. Who I tried, only somewhat successfully, to forge a friendship with after it seemed all between us was well and truly done.

Jake shifts uncomfortably in his seat, looking at the fire before he finds what he needs there to bring himself to look back at me.

He only knows a fraction of what he put me through, or at least I think he does. He was ever the master at shutting me out, so it’s always been hard to know what he’s thinking or feeling without having to pry it out of him with a crowbar.

His voice echoes in my head, a long-forgotten memory: I guess I’m just the kind of person who hides my feelings.

An understatement.

This makes it a surprise when he looks straight at me with those warm brown eyes that used to melt me into the floor and says, “Your feelings have always mattered.”

Maybe it’s the wine, or the blowup with Liam, but my filter disappears completely. There’s a latent, hot anger that boils to the surface.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. You, of all people, think my feelings have always mattered?” I throw back at him, scoffing.

He looks as though I’ve slapped him, and if I wasn’t so upset, I might try to backtrack. But I spent six years of my adolescence trying to shield him from my feelings, and as an adult, I don’t have time for that shit anymore.

“I suppose I deserve that,” he recovers, looking back at the fire.

I’m surprised, to say the least. It’s not as though we hadn’t talked about it back in the day, at least somewhat, but I never let him know just how deeply he hurt me. I never told him about the panic attacks, the intense depressions, or the manic feelings I’d get from just a morsel of attention from him. No, I’d buried all that for the sake of our “friendship” or whatever it was.

Part of me knows it’s stupid to try and rehash things that we put to rest so long ago. I shouldn’t hold it against him—we were just teenagers—but it wasn’t until my twenties that I finally grasped just how much Jake fucked me up. He made me think that if you love someone enough, they can treat you however they want and it doesn’t matter, and if it’s “meant to be” then someone can string you along indefinitely without consequence. I’d been so convinced we were these star-crossed lovers that had such a deep thread of connection that we’d someday figure it out. But someday never came.

Liam had. Liam pulled me from the ashes of my heartbreak and showed me real love. Or so I’d hoped. I’d hoped so much that I’d ignored and excused all the similarities between the way he and Jake treated me. But he had loved me and risked it all for me at one time. I mattered to him, to a fault.

But with Jake, I’m never sure I mattered. I always felt on thin ice, or at least that’s how I remember it. But memory warps over time. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ve been wrong about all of it.

God, he still has me running circles around myself.

“Yeah, you do deserve it, a little,” is what I finally settle on, but it comes out gentler than I want it to.

He gives me a familiar sardonic half-smile.

Ah, there he is, the little shit. It was a look that twenty years ago would set my heart a-flutter on a good day and made me want to throttle him on a bad one. Some things never change.

Another thing that hasn’t changed is my need to shove him past his comfort zone with all my thoughts and feelings.

“Sometimes, I’m still not sure I mattered to you at all.” The words catch in my throat, giving away more than I want to.

His eyes snap back to mine. “How can you say that?” he asks with a surprising level of hurt in his voice.

I’m taken aback. “Jake, I don’t think you entirely understand the way you…” I stop myself and shake my head.

“The way I what? Say it,” he challenges, uncharacteristically.

I take a deep breath. “The way you broke my heart completely. How I spent months—no, years—trying to figure out what I had done that was so bad that you didn’t have or couldn’t really admit you had feelings for me, or why I was so repulsive you couldn’t bear to be with me. You had me so tied in knots I could hardly breathe.”

“Lily, you were never—” he starts, shaking his head, but I don’t listen, plowing right through whatever he thinks he needs to say.

“And then Liam came into the picture and helped me heal, and still I was so desperate for your approval, for us to be friends. But you always, always kept me at arm’s length. I could never figure any of it out. I still wonder if it was all one-sided and I was just a crazy little girl who manufactured this epic love story in her head,” I ramble out, shaking my head.

I’m saying too much, I know I am, but what the fuck does it matter now, after all this time? I have no need to impress him anymore.

   He shutters down, and it’s so entirely familiar that I have to laugh. “That. Right there,” I point, “is the same thing you did to me 27 years ago. You could never let me in, could you? As much as I hoped you would, as close as I swear I got sometimes, this brick wall is what made me question everything about us. It always has.”

His eyes widen as he’s called out so viciously, his hands tensing then releasing the arms on the chair. I let him sit in it for a moment before I drop the last bombshell, the one I’m sure will ruin the precarious balance between us:

“You were my first love, Jake, and I was so in love with you it hurt. God, I was so convinced we were connected in some timeless, deep, soulmates kind of way. And sometimes you did things that seemed to confirm that, but then you’d turn around and…well, I tried so hard to understand why you didn’t feel it, too. But I was young and stupid and obsessed, I guess,” I laugh, looking into the fire. “I finally just had to accept I was never gonna figure you out or understand why you didn’t love me back.”

He’s quiet for a long moment and I’m almost afraid he’s going to get up and walk away.

“Sorry, I guess old habits die hard. Here I am, still blasting you with all my feelings, 25-plus-years later,” I chuckle. “No wonder you never wanted to be with m—”

“You’ve got it all wrong,” he interrupts.

My head snaps back to him. “What?”

“I never meant to hurt you like that. I never meant to drive you to…Liam,” he says, with a frustrated bitterness in his tone that surprises me.

“Okay…?” I’m not sure where this is going, but my heart kicks up again.

“I told you back then I liked you,” he says blatantly, as if it were ever that simple between us.

I can’t help but laugh. “Did you, really? You told me in different ways how you were ‘gonna ask me out, but…’. And there was always a ‘but.’ And it was never in the present tense. I heard from other people that you liked me, sure, but you never really told me. Not in a way that felt like I wasn’t forcing something out of you that you were ashamed of or just telling me to save face. And it was always me who came to you. Always. You had a thousand chances and never followed through. We never even kissed, Jake! You kissed everyone but me. What was I supposed to think?”

“I-I-I…damn it, Lily,” he growls. “I couldn’t.”

 “Excuse me? You very much ‘could,’ you just didn’t want to. And that’s fine, you never owed it to me to reciprocate my feelings. Just don’t pretend—”

“Of course, I had feelings for you!” he yells.

I’m stunned into silence.

“I had feelings for you since we were 12! You were the first girl I ever really thought of in that way and I had no idea how to deal with it. And the moment you showed any interest in me I panicked and pushed you away. And I regretted it after and thought I’d ruined everything, but you came back, and I-I-I did it again. And again. Because my feelings for you scared the shit out of me.”

My heart is jackhammering now. I can barely breathe. “Why?”

“You were special. I couldn’t—I couldn’t ruin that…or you.”

“That doesn’t make any sense! You didn’t want to ‘ruin me’ so you broke my heart, over and over?”

“I didn’t deserve you. You were way too good for me and way out of my league.”

Flabbergasted, I blink at him. The pure insanity of this conversation has me whirling.

“But you kept flirting with me anyway, leading me on? You’d hug me, hold my hand…Lord, you even snuggled me and popped a fucking boner against me at that party freshman year…” I babble.

A blush floods his cheeks. “I was only 15, I-I-I didn’t know what I was doing.”

“You knew enough to fuck Talia.”

He looks like I’ve struck him again, but I can see in his eyes he knows I’m right. Talia would forever be a sore spot between us.

“I was young. And dumb.”

“No shit. And it doesn’t track. You did the same with Tina, Heather, and pretty much any other girl who showed the slightest bit of interest in you. Everyone except me.”

“I know. I was wrong. I was in a…bad place.”

“I practically handed myself to you on a platter and you humiliated me. How do you think it felt that I was the only one you never…you just kept me dangling on a string,” I say, shaking with anger.

“I know,” he whispers, “I’m sorry, I just couldn’t…”

“Sure,” I shake my head and look away. I don’t know why I care so much. I shouldn’t. This is all ancient history, and maybe it is Liam’s doing for sucking me back into the past tonight, but for some reason it all feels like it happened yesterday.

“I knew it was wrong, that I was treating you badly, a-a-and that’s why I found God. I wanted to be better…for you.”

Something cracks inside of me at the gesture. It doesn’t make any sense—why would he do that for me? My breath starts to falter a bit.

I remember he had changed dramatically mid-sophomore year, turning into a nicer, happier, and kinder version of himself. He’d stopped going after every girl in sight and wasn’t blatantly ignoring me anymore. We’d become friends again. I’d thought he was swept up in wanting to hang with the cooler, older Christian kids in the group, bowing to a weird form of peer pressure, just as I had done.

Of course, my “conversion” had not stuck after everything that happened later, but that’s beside the point.

Slowly, pieces start falling into place. Things I’d never considered.  

“You didn’t. You did it for…me?” I say breathlessly. “That’s a pretty drastic thing for a 16-year-old to do…”

He nods.

A shiver runs down my spine.

“Why…why would you do something like that for me?” I hold my breath and quell the trembling of my hands by clasping them together.

In the heavy pause, it feels like all the air gets sucked out of the room, and everything else around us warps and stops.

“Because I was completely in love with you.”

My heart stops. “What?” I whisper.

This can’t be real.

But his eyes are as open and pleading as I’ve ever seen them, begging me to finally understand what he couldn’t impart all those years ago.

“Then why didn’t you tell me?” I manage to choke out.

A pained look crosses his face. “I was too late.”

It’s like I’m 16 again, the way my heart is ready to explode while simultaneously being yanked from my chest. The air whooshes out of my lungs and I can’t bring myself to speak. All I can do is look over at him with questioning eyes.

“Me being such an asshole pushed you straight into his arms and by the time I came to my senses, it was too late. You’d fallen for him, even though he was with someone else,” he says bitterly.

He is not wrong. The whole reason Liam and I became friends in the first place was he listened to my heartbreak over Jake.

“So, I tried to be your friend instead. That was what you wanted, right? I thought maybe I could get closer to you and change your mind, talk some sense into you.”

I find my voice. “What are you even talking about? Liam and I were very much not together that spring and summer because of Melissa. You had the perfect chance, but you started dating Tiffany right when school got out.”

His jaw sets, clenches. “Oh, come on. It was beyond obvious you weren’t over him. So, yeah, when Tiffany showed interest, I gave it a chance. But I couldn’t stop thinking about you. You probably don’t remember how I messaged you all the time. How our conversations got longer a-a-and deeper. How I begged you to call me.”

Vague memories flash back to me. “I did call you. And I definitely would’ve remembered you telling me this!” I shake my head.

He has no idea how this revelation would have changed everything. God, I can’t breathe.

            “I tried to feel you out that fall, but you were pretty focused on Liam.”

            Mind racing, I try to remember how it all went down. My attraction to Liam had been all-consuming, made worse by the way we desperately tried to keep our hands off each other when Melissa left for college. We weren’t officially together, but it was obvious to anyone with eyes that we were mad about each other. Between that, the play, and keeping my grades up, things were intense that fall, to say the least. But there had been some weird moments with Jake that I’d tried to brush off as friendly at the time, but maybe they weren’t.

            “Friendsgiving.” It pops into my head suddenly, and I look at him with wide eyes. “I couldn’t figure it out—you went out of your way to take me home that night, then you were so teasing and flirty. We sat in my driveway for like half an hour. You couldn’t keep your hands off me—tickling me and putting your arm around me. I thought it was strange…but you were with Tiffany. I convinced myself I was imagining it.”

            It starts to dawn on me that perhaps my instincts had been right this whole damn time.

            I ramble as I recall more, “You were so obsessed about Mick having to kiss me for the play. We talked about how weird it would be if you had to understudy and it was us who had to kiss instead.”

            Jake looks at me sheepishly. “I wanted to kiss you so badly.”

            “God, why didn’t you?!”

            “You were in love with Liam!”

            “You are still such an idiot. Did you not hear anything I’ve said to you? If you’d kissed me, it wouldn’t have mattered. You were always there in the back of my mind. It was always you.” My hands are trembling at the admission, at how easily I would’ve folded if he had come for me.

            His eyes narrow, almost incredulously, as if he can’t believe it.

            “That’s all I ever wanted, Jake—for you to care enough to show me, or tell me, or anything at all! To fight for me…for us. But you never had the balls to do it, and that’s why we never happened. Not because of Liam. Not because I didn’t feel the same way. Because of you,” I say, voice shaking as hard as my hands.

            I’m coming apart at the seams, unravelling for the second time tonight because of men who never truly understood me or put me first. Refusing to cry in front of Jake and let him know just how much he’d changed with his inaction, I stand too quickly, wobbling on my feet.

            Jake jumps up to steady me, one hand at my forearm and the other at my waist, touching me for the first time in over 20 years. My stupid body responds with a jolt of electricity now just as it did then, like a phantom limb come to life. Logic tells me to pull away.

I don’t.

            He steps closer. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into my hair, “I feel like all I’ve ever done is hurt you, and I hate myself for it.”

            Oh, god. His proximity is dizzying, a reminder of moments long gone. A whiff of cologne. The way his thumb gently rubs the dip of my waist through my dress. The not-so-subtle way he lures me in closer.

            I don’t understand. How is it after the decades of life that have occurred, after having my heart swell and break and swell again with different types of love, that this man still can send me reeling?

            And he’s right—all he’s ever done is hurt me and tie me in knots. Being near him is like being edged in the most painful of ways because there is never any payoff. He had seen to that.

            There is something inherently cruel in the fate of it all. How the moment I had moved on all those years ago, the moment I released my hope of being with him and found another, that was when he figured his shit out. The worst part used to be feeling like he’d never felt the same about me, but knowing now that he loved me somehow makes everything ache even worse than it did before.

            Tears sting the corners of my eyes, even though I promised myself long ago I’d never shed another tear over Jake. I hate he will forever be the one that got away. The one who I’d never felt closure with, like a scab that crusts over but won’t heal underneath. As stupid as it sounds, there has been a part of me since the moment he so sweetly helped me solve a math problem in the 7th grade that has unwillingly left a piece of my heart in his hands ever since, no matter how many others there have been to take his place in between.

            And I hate him for that. I hate him even more now that I know I was always right about us from the start, about the thread of connection that bound us to each other almost 30 years ago.

“Does it even bother you? The ‘what could have been?’ Did it cross your mind that maybe everything would be different if you’d just said something? Or did you just forget about me, about all of it?” I whisper angrily.

God knows, I haven’t.

Furious and frazzled, I press my hands into his chest to push away. It’s a terrible move because his large hand covers mine, pinning it to him. He’s warm through his dress shirt and his heart beats wildly under my palm. My eyes fly up to meet his.

“I think about it all the time. More than I should. But God works in mysterious ways,” he says, as if that explains it all.

I roll my eyes. Another wonderful excuse. “I guess he does,” I add sarcastically.  Extricating myself from him, I immediately feel clearer, but part of me wants nothing more to feel his touch on me again. I shake the feeling off.

I had abandoned religion and the guilt and bigotry that came along with it the moment I got to college, when I realized just how much it had fucked my young brain up. Not shockingly, the religious friends who’d taken such offense when I’d gotten together with Liam were the same ones who quickly fell out of my life once they realized I wasn’t going to tow the line. Jake had only dug his heels in deeper into his religion after that, with Tiffany and his cookie-cutter perfect family and church going ways, and now it crosses my mind that it’s all because of me.

Don’t be stupid.

He’s waiting on me to say something. It takes me a moment to absorb the fact that he admitted thinking about me more than he should. This good and pious Christian man was thinking about me when he should have been thinking about his wife.

But I am in no place to judge. Not about this.

I want to know what salacious thoughts have run through his mind about me, but I can’t bring myself to ask. Part of me wants to utterly ruin him in all the ways I couldn’t when we were teenagers. A heat gathers low in my belly at the thought, at his nearness.

Romantic and physical chemistry is no joke, I realize. It’s like my pheromones were preprogrammed by the universe to be attracted to his, and by the cautiously heated look he’s giving me now, I’m wondering if it’s always been the same for him.

One of my biggest regrets about us, since the beginning, was the question that if we had even just kissed once and got it over with, would it have broken the tension between us like a summer rainstorm breaks the heat? Would we have gotten it out of our system and figured out if whatever chemistry we had was real or just something we’d worked up in our imaginations?

But it’s too late for that. The past can’t be changed. Now the ‘what if’s’ that plagued me for all these years hurt worse than before, knowing that with one stupid admission or one kiss all those years ago, we could have had it all. Maybe we would have been the high school sweethearts who got married and annoy our 2.5 kids with stories about what an idiot their dad was until he’d finally told me how he felt.

There would’ve been no me-and-Liam, or him leaving me because the world had gone to shit. I wouldn’t have met my husband. All of it, an entire life I’ll never know, flashes before my eyes and nearly brings me to my knees.

And while I don’t subscribe to his God, I do think the universe puts things in our path. But what was the point of all this, then—of us never being the “us” we both know we wanted it to be? I just don’t see why this thing can’t seem to die and fade into the ether. He’s like a bad penny I can’t shake.

At least with Liam, there was closure. We had loved and dated and all of the milestones that go with that. Knowing Jake loved me doesn’t make me truly feel any better, other than the fact I know I wasn’t a delusional, lovesick teenager.

But he loved a version of me that’s grown up into someone different, just as I begrudgingly loved a version of him that I’d made up in my head to be better than he was.

I’ve been quiet too long. “Why?” It pops out of my mouth unwillingly. “Why do you still think of me?”

“Do you still think of me?” I expect him to shirk away from the question, but he flips it on me so fast I have whiplash.

I close my mouth, my eyes darting away, answering his question.

He nods. “Then you know.”

Does that mean he replays fuzzy memories of interlocking his fingers with mine or pulling me too close in a dance? He sees the stolen, meaningful glances in his mind’s eye? He thinks about the multitude of chances he had to press his lips to mine but didn’t and what may have happened if it had gone farther than that? He thinks of how if he and I became a “we” it would’ve completely altered the course of our lives?

I have trouble thinking he ponders any of that.

But if he loved me like he says he did…

The hollow ache in my heart is back with a vengeance, erasing all hope I had at getting out of here relatively unscathed.

“Maybe we were just destined to hurt each other. Maybe we’ve always been bad for each other,” I say indignantly instead of voicing all the other thoughts buzzing in my head. But it feels true, nonetheless.

I watch him shake his head rather vehemently. He opens his mouth to speak, but I beat him to the punch.

“But too bad we never had the chance to find out for sure,” I add with venom. After this, I don’t think I’ll ever stop feeling like he stole that chance from me.

We were babies. Give the guy a break, a tiny voice in the back of my head chimes in.

            Unfortunately, I’m a little too emotionally wrecked to let a silly thing like logic get me back on track and remind me I’m a goddamned adult.

            Star-crossed lovers aren’t real. “Meant to be” isn’t real. Threads of fate tying us together in inexplicable ways aren’t real. What’s real is hormones and youth and cowardice and terrible timing. What’s real are jobs and spouses and children.

            Then why can’t I shake the feeling that this isn’t even close to being the end for us? It makes no sense.

            It never has.

            I grab my purse. Furious and regretful, I can’t be around him anymore, which is made evident by the fact that I want to stay so badly, even if it means my heart is bleeding out in front of him. But I have more self-respect now than I had when I was 16, and I certainly am not going to cry in front of him.

            “Goodbye Jake. I hope your life is everything you want it to be. Give Tiffany my best.” It’s a dig, to be sure. We both know Tiffany wants nothing to do with me, and now I finally know why. I turn and walk away, quickly, escaping my past down the darkened hallway towards the bathrooms.

            “Lily, wait,” he commands from behind me, catching up and grabbing my hand. Shocked at his tone of voice and forwardness, I have no choice to spin back to him. His eyes are blazing.

            “What? What is there left to say?” I say, my voice cracking with emotion. “That one of my biggest regrets is that we never made this work, this—this silly pseudo-romance from our teens? That I hate how much this matters to me, even now, even though I haven’t seen you in years?”

            He advances, his eyes never leaving mine, and a small huff escapes my lips as my back hits the wall. It’s hard not to notice he’s broader and taller than he used to be as his body comes so close to pressing against mine. Every one of my nerves sparks to attention at his sudden proximity, a buzzing static electricity.

His hand clasps my neck, the rough pad of his thumb trailing along my jaw. I have no choice but to keep looking up at him, into those darkened brown eyes.

“What are you doing?” I whisper.

Shock precedes a pool of fire low in my belly when he boldly brings his thumb to the center of my lips and slowly drags it down. My lips part and a small moan escapes them. I’m vaguely aware of my purse hitting the floor with a thunk.

“What I should’ve done a long time ago,” he says definitively. His warm breath tickles my cheek where his mouth hovers too close to mine.

As my body fully kicks into overdrive, I’m reminded of what I’ve always known: I’m incapable of resisting Jake Lawson. One last rational thought pushes through the fire that is rapidly consuming me.

“This is a bad idea,” I pant, my eyes scanning his face.

“A terrible one,” he agrees, and when he nods, his nose brushes against mine.

I expect a crash of lips and teeth, but instead his soft lips brush mine tantalizingly, dragging in a way that sends an explosion of heat through my chest. The warmth of our breath mingles, and I can’t stop the way my hands instinctively reach for the lapels of his jacket. His hand on my neck pulls me closer and when our lips finally press together in earnest, oh, god, it’s everything I’d ever hoped it would be.

Instead of breaking away, we are pulled into each other by some unknown force that makes my entire body tingle from head to toe. Jake deepens the kiss, and I turn as pliable as putty in his arms, wondering how it is possible that we went this damn long without doing this. His fingers tighten in my hair, eliciting a groan as his mouth opens and his tongue persuasively brushes against my lips. Granting permission, I open to him further and our tongues roll gingerly against each other.

Something ignites in me that hasn’t in a long, long time. It’s a blast of desire and truth so strong it threatens to undo me. It’s different than pure passion—there’s a yearning, a need, a rightness lacing every touch between us. And based on the way he clings to me now, I have no doubt he feels it, too, this sense of fate that we were always destined to end up here.

Every instinct I have wants to feed the fire that is swirling in my belly, but the last thread of rationality left in me reminds me that I shouldn’t let this go too far. It has gone too far already. I force myself to pull away, which is like prying two strong magnets off each other. I can’t move more than an inch, just enough to separate our lips. I’m too dizzy with the smell of him and what must be a lack of oxygen. Or maybe it’s because my entire world feels upended.

His forehead rests on mine, his thumb caressing the hollow of my throat. “Shit,” he sighs out with a shudder, his breath tickling my face as he struggles to control himself.

For once in my life, I have no doubt of what he’s feeling. The way he says that one word tells me he is every bit as blindsided, connected, and aroused as I am. But it’s more than just that. A tether of knowing has tightened between us. It’s so overwhelming I feel like I might cry.

As we stand pressed close together in this dark hallway, I don’t think either of us truly expected it to feel like this. Like everything that’s been wrong between us was because we resisted this bond, a power that feels beyond anything I could have imagined. In mere moments, we’ve confirmed what both of us have inherently known but tried to ignore for almost three decades.

That’s when I realize we’ve opened Pandora’s box. We can never go back.

“Jake…” I choke, trying to get the words out, but they won’t come.

“I know,” he responds solemnly, and I have no doubt he has come to the same conclusion as I have:

We are in deep trouble.

*

taglist

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[localplaguenurse]

Ngl I forgot dottore can shapeshift(which is weird because scaramouche lore rarely slip my mind) so anyways now I can officially say dottities are Canon and anyone who says otherwise will have to pry dottities from my cold dead hands as my ghost haunts their very existence.

I’m just saying Dottore would look good in drag also I just remembered what I wanted to say about gingko trees

So the title Gold As The Gingko Trees

Gold- soft precious metal

Ginkgo trees- common symbol of longevity

Ok besides the fact that gingko leaves are golden so ha ha gold as the gingko trees ha ha get it? Gold? Like the leaf?

Next soft and precious metal aka gold, soft and precious should be obvious it’s wifey, but metal? Well that’s obviously their connection to Morax, who is the god of geo, commerce, mora, and ceo of being broke as fuck certified Amber lord with sexy eyes.

Gingko trees. Longevity. Another dot that didn’t connect until yesterday after I got shampoo in my eyes, well there’s two meanings here. First is wifey’s marriage to our ceo of terrible money management, they’ve been married for let’s round it off to 4000 years for simplicity sake and yes yada yada immortals change slow, but seriously this man and his wife are in a committed relationship for 4000 years if that isn’t longevity of a relationship and the love of one person to another then idk what is. Next Wifey’s lifespan, now I don’t remember the specifics because if I go back and read it again now the words are gonna get jumbled up and ao3 doesn’t support my accessibility settings unless I download the fic which btw can I download your fics and put them in my emergency food folder in case ao3 goes down again anyways so I’m going purely off memory here but after Morax did the sexy bite of 87 but it was consensual unlike the bite of 87 and certainly one less death. Wifey now shares the same life span (or in my personal opinion “live longer” as in Morax would erode first before wifey just because he’s so much older and therefore have more bad memories to erode him and maybe one day I’ll tell you more about Morax eroding away but this is not the ask for it rn) oh my god tumblr is lagging if this gets deleted I’ll hurl okay so yeah second meaning of longevity is that wifey gets to live longer

So yeah other than the surface level meaning of the title I also love the more deeper meanings this has and oh my god I have to conclude this before I get forced out of the app and also I went brain to fingers with no filter so excuse any mad ramblings in between

Tldr I love the effort you put into this fic have a fennec

Love is stored in the fennec fox ears.

I love your take on the title a lot! Honestly the only problem is that in canon the two have only been married for 2000 years, but that’s still a long ass time, and let’s be honest, those two would still be hand in hand when the sun explodes if they’re lucky to live that long. You hit the nail on the head with the longevity thing, but it’s also because of this one story I read about six ginkgo trees in Hiroshima. The place had been nuked, but six ginkgo trees had survived and from what I can see, are still going. They can live up to 3000 years. That’s why I had that part at the end where Zhongli tells Childe about how ginkgo trees are a symbol of hope and strength, and how they fit wifey very well. They’ve been through a lot, and they still prospered.

So the thing about wifey’s lifespan is that they’re sharing it with Morax. I didn’t focus too much on what that actually means beyond wifey will live past their human life expectancy so long as Morax is alive. It’s mainly because the specifics weren’t super important at the time, just served as an explanation for why wifey’s still around in canon time, and so I could avoid the whole “immortal outlives lover” trope because I told myself I was gonna end this nicely. I need y’all to know though that I’ve been very tempted to write something for when Zhongli begins to erode, but I have a character sheet to make for a Strahd campaign and a divorce fic chapter to get to. So yeah, maybe I’ll save it for another ask :)

Dottore would look good in drag but do you know who would look great in drag? Pantalone. I take no criticism, argue with the wall, he would be a glamourous bitch.

[nokingsonlyfooles]

WTYP: The Shandor Building, Part 6

[Do you like the colour of the fanfic? This is long and if you expand it you're gonna get the whole thing, because Tumblr hates you. Don't say I didn't warn you!]

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Part 6: Disaster Roulette: Crack Open a Cold One

[Beware of strong language, mention of all kinds of death, gore, and Lovecraftian horror.]

[SLIDE: Utter darkness, with an All Hail Gozer logo in the corner.]

[screaming, pandemonium]

A: I’m sorry! Oh, God, I’m sorry! I have anxiety!

D: No! I know you do! It’s my fault!

L: Are we dead?

D: I shouldn’t have said “engineering disaster,” it’s my fault…

R: Alice, where are we?

A: Oh, God, I’m sorry, it’s the Kursk! [weeping] We’re going to be trapped here for over six hours and then we’ll be comrade-kebabs!

L: I’m an anarchist.

A: For fuck’s sake, Liam, would it kill you to let me die with a little fucking solidarity? [plays “The East is Red”]

R: Alice, you have your laptop?

L: Do we still have our laptops?

D: Feels like a laptop…

A: IT’S A POTASSIUM-BASED AIR FILTER DON’T BLOODY TOUCH IT!

[clattering, thud]

[more screams]

L: Jesus…

R: Pretty sure that’s a laptop.

D: Turn up the brightness!

R: That’s bad for the battery life…

D: Just turn up the fucking brightness!

[SLIDE: The Kursk.]

L: How the fuck do we still have laptops and sound equipment?

A [giggling]: Oh, my God, we chose the form of an engineering disasters podcast. Of course we have our laptops and sound equipment! I’m going to tweet that we’re trapped in a well-known Russian submarine disaster and we need help!

D [gravely]: Alice, Alice… No, Alice. It’s… It’s…

R: It’s “X” now.

D: Twitter can’t help us now. Twitter is gone.

A [desperate]: What about Tumblr?

D [pained]: I suppose you might as well try.

D [text over slide]: I EDITED A BIT HERE.

A [sobbing]: It’s no good. I got cancelled for assuming the submarine’s pronouns and now they’re just doing discourse.

D [gently]: It’s all right, darling. Just mute the alerts now. Oh, and Tumblr Live, too, obviously. Thank you for trying.

R: I’ve got that Mastodon thing…

D: Oh, fuck off!

A: Nobody’s on fucking Mastodon.

L: If man were meant to toot, God would’ve given us trunks! It’s a stupid platform and a stupid animal! It’s just an elephant with shag carpeting and no charisma. I’m glad they’re extinct. The extinction of mastodons is the one good thing global warming ever did for us! I hope science brings ‘em back from the grave so I can personally participate in wiping those useless motherfuckers off the map again. I ordered a mastodon hoagie at Wawa the other day and it was rubbery and tasteless — because it had been at the back of the freezer for ten-thousand years. That’s how unpopular mastodon is! It’s not even any good with extra mayo! Nobody loves you, mastodons! Nobody thinks you’re cool! I respect you almost as little as I respect fish!

[groaning, shuddering, splashing]

A: Oh, fuck, does Gozer like mastodons? Liam…

R: “Mastodon” is from the Latin for “breast-like tooth.”

L: If Gozer likes mastodons, I’m gonna drive to xyr house — or temple, or whatever — and beat xem to death with my shoes. I am done with mastodons, I am done with this whole fucking experience! I am reviewing your studio on Yelp right now and you are getting no stars! None!

[creaking, snapping sounds, more splashing]

A: Fuck, Liam, you’re pissing xem off!

G: STO-O-OP!

[rumbling and crunching noises continue throughout]

D: No, wait… It’s a rant. [laughing] We chose the form of an engineering disasters podcast! Liam, keep going!

L: ICE AGE IS A TERRIBLE SERIES OF FILMS! MASTODONS RUINED IT!

A: Isn’t it supposed to be a woolly mammoth?

L: IT’S THE SAME THING!

R: Taxonomically, no, it’s not. Although they are related…

L: PROXIMITY TO MASTODONS RUINED ICE AGE, AS A FILM SERIES AND AS A GEOLOGICAL EPOCH! AND EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND!

A [laughing]: What? Are we running out of oxygen?

R: Yes. Also, Everybody Loves Raymond is a CBS sitcom, which aired from the mid-nineties to the mid-2000s. It was very popular in the US, but it proved difficult to export, so it’s not surprising you haven’t heard of it. It starred actor and comedian Ray Romano, who also voiced Manny the Mammoth…

L: THAT’S A STUPID FUCKING NAME!

A: Shouldn’t it be, er… Manny the Manmoth? That makes more sense. Although it does sound like he fights Mothman…

R: …in the Ice Age film series. Exporting Raymond was, in fact, a documentary on how difficult it was to translate the American Boomer experience to a foreign market…

D [amazed]: By God, we’re doing it! We’re podcasting!

R: Thank God for Wikipedia…

A: We’re still going to die, though, aren’t we, Dev?

D: Eventually, Alice, but maybe not in the Kursk!

A [anxious, but used to it]: Probably of prion diseases.

G: VERY WELL. SINCE WE ARE AT AN IMPASSE, YOU MAY CHOOSE ANOTHER FORM TO CONTINUE OUR FIGHT.

L [hopefully]: A lamassu?

R [low voice]: Unfortunately, we are not actually gods.

L: Damn.

D: No! I think we can do this! [to Gozer] We’re going to stick with the engineering disasters podcast!

G: YOU’RE NOT VERY IMAGINATIVE, ARE YOU?

D: No, we are, we’re just really jazzed about this form!

L: It’s comfy!

G: ALL RIGHT. SUIT YOURSELVES. I TIRE OF THE LEAKY METAL TUBE, AND I DO NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE TO SIT THROUGH SIX HOURS OF PODCASTING BEFORE I SET YOU ON FIRE! CHOOSE ANOTHER ENGINEERING DISASTER!

D: All right, now, let’s think about this…

A: Just something outdoorsy, please! I want to see the sun again!

Part 7

[spinningintheshadows]

290 Song Lyric Prompts

This is months of work, FIVE different "Volumes" (Playlists). I have combined all of my previous Song Lyric Prompts into one post, one list. I hope you enjoy. They are separated by Volume because tumblr yelled at me :)

Playlists:

[Volume One]

[Volume Two]

[Volume Three]

[Volume Four]

[Volume Five]

Volume One

 “Drive this car through the drive thru please”

“Dirty laundry looks good on you”

 “Where’s the dotted line at?”

 “Are there windows in heaven?”

 “Bought you a twelve pack, promised you sushi”

 “I want to take you to a gay bar”

 “I’m in love with the girl I hate”

 “It’s been a while since I’ve felt butterflies”

 “One day you’ll know who you want to be”

 “You ain’t nothing but a prick”

 “You’re not in love with me”

 “I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day”

 “On second thought, forget it, that one turns out kind of cool”

 “Honey, I’ve got real bad news”

 “I heard that rock is dead and cellphones give you cancer”

 “It will be worth it, everything you went through”

 “They’ve never drove through Indiana”

 “You’re my song, my sweet home Alabama”

 “You’ve got so many options, every fish in the sea wants to kiss you”

 “Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry but the guy who says goodbye to you is out of his mind”

 “My family is dysfunctional but we have a good time killing each other”

 “I fell in love in the back of a cop car”

 “You don’t have to worry”

 “I’m still having nightmares”

 “I flashback to the night in your parents yard when we drank too much and we talked about God”

 “We’re gonna make it if takes all night”

 “She’s my kind of crazy”

 “Who says you can’t go home?”

“Fist fights turn into sex, I wonder what comes next?”

 “If I were a boomerang, I’d turn around and come back to you”

 “It’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry”

 “Remember when you broke your foot jumping out the second floor?”

 “There’s room for two, six feet under the stars”

 “Oh god, I did the wrong thing to the right girl”

 “When it comes to condoms, put two on”

 “I won’t give up on us”

 “I’m a bit too pop for punk kids, but I’m too punk for the pop kids”

 “We don’t have trouble sleeping”

 “Daddy’s little girl knows how to party”

 “A days worth of bitching goes down the drain when you lay in my bed and pick my brain.

 “Wrong name, my mistake”

42. “Being us feels good to us”

 “It’s not high school, man, you graduated six years ago”

 “A few drinks in, here I go missing you again”

 “There’s something about the way our bedsheets turn religion upside down”

 “And I’ve made mistakes, but you were not one”

 “I swear to god, I never fall in love”

 “I miss the way you breathe, the way you twitch in your sleep. Your smile, your straight teeth and the scars along on your cheeks”

 “When you talk, its in cursive to me. And it’s nicer than anything I’d ever believe about me”

 “I don’t mind if you fuck up my life”

 “Make a man feel rich on minimum wage”

 “You broke my heart and all I got was this t shirt”

 “You ask “When did I first know?” I always knew”

 “You’re kind of hipster, I grew up on punk rock”

 “Made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter”

 “And all my friends don’t give a fuck”

 “We’ll talk about how your parents separated and how you don’t want to make the same mistakes as them”

 “Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything?”

 “Leave your sorrys, grab your car keys.”

 “I’d unfuck you if I could”

 “You say you love me, I know you love me. Love that you love me, baby”

 “I lose my voice when I look at you, can’t make a noise though I’m trying to”

 “Now with my eyes wide open, it’s heaven in your arms”

 “I know that you’re in pain but if we die at the same time does it still scare you?”

 “I can make you laugh ‘til you cry, but she can make your tears dry”

 “I hope a heart only breaks this bad once in a lifetime”

 “I didn't call you back because I was learning to dance”

 “Sometimes I just want to tell you about my day”

 “Yes my fucking nails are painted, what you think I didn’t know?”

 “Mama tried to raise me right, but she couldn’t raise the hell out of me”

 “Dancing in the dark ‘til the sun comes, tangled in the sheets ‘til the days done”

 “I take a drink ‘cause the truth is hard to swallow”

 “Big heads up, that’s a really stupid plan”

 “We used to kiss all night, now it’s just a bar fight”

 “What’s the point of going out when you could just give me a call”

 “I didn’t know I was broken until I wanted to change”

 “We have something worth remembering”

 “I fell in love with the girl at the rock show”

 “And I just can’t stop thinking of you, wherever you are"

"I never wanna leave this sunset town

Volume Two

“Do you ever get a little bit tired of life?”

“Will you even look back when you think of me?”

“Somebody’s gonna love you. Take all the dark, turn it to light and paint you sky blue”

“They’re judging me, I’m judging you, we ain’t got nothing else to do”

“Don’t wake me up in the middle of the night, because I finally found you”

“I lose my voice when I look at you, can’t make a noise though I’m trying to tell you all the right words”

“If all it is is eight letters, why am I in my own way?”

“If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me?”

“They say don’t go to bed angry but I guess that’s where we are”

“Things you take for granted when you grow up by the beach”

“Go on then, love, and show me your heart, ‘cause you are enough as you are and I’m awestruck”

“Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything, or do you just not want to?”

“Welcome to the world that we live in. A perfect collision, it’s beat down, it’s broken, it’s bright. Welcome to happiness, sadness, to love and to madness”

“I always hear you on the background laughing, you know I hate it when you’re not around”

“These days you’ve been stuck in my brain, wanna play you over and over again”

“Secrets don’t make friends. We make love and love falls apart”

“Tell me you’re okay, yeah what’s that like? Rose tinted glasses, it must be nice. Doing your best while you die inside”

“I’m happy to see the happy back in your eyes”

“You make it hard to miss this hometown”

“A bad boy seems like a good idea until it’s too late”

“Couldn’t keep running, had to hit rock bottom to know”

“I wanna get back to where we started, to the summer night. You know, you know, you know, you know we got it right”

“I realized you are destined and meant to be mine”

“Keep switching your alibi, stuttering when you reply”

“But fuck, I’m so alone, and really need some help”

“We’re dancing on the edge of anxiety’s ledge and I might fall again”

“If we’re said and done, I know that I shouldn’t say that I still care but I still care”

“I haven’t slept in days but who’s counting”

“So I drown it out like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you”

“Too many bottles of wine, can’t get my ducks in a row”

“Got me panicking, manic, and I can’t get no sleep”

“I’ve got a feeling I don’t get a grip I will slip and fall completely under”

“Some days you start singing’ and you don’t need a reason”

“I need a little more luck than a little bit, cause every time I get stuck the words won’t fit”

“Must be the music that’s got me shaking like an addict”

“I bite my tongue so you don’t hear me”

“I’d unfuck you if I could”

“Here’s to now and nothing else, in the crowd all by yourself. To the hellos and the goodbyes, the lows and every high. In this moment I could die with you.”

“Just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose”

“I don’t really understand this life and why we’re all here.”

“If you need me now, I’ll be there somehow”

“I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere”

“Let’s see how far I’ll go now that I’ve lost control”

“If I could go back and erase you from my mind, I’d do it in a second”

“I was so scared of losing you, so I lost myself instead”

“I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.”

“Your heart belongs to someone else and I’m always here to keep you company”

“You say you’re sorry and you want us to fix what’s wrong, but I’d rather dye all my insides blonde”

“These last two years were the worst of my life”

“So hold on tight it’s a fast ride in the end”

Volume Three

“If I knew from the start would it change a thing?”

“You don’t have the time to not make time”

“There’ll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you”

“You used to make me feel like I could walk on water but now most nights I’m just sinking”

“So go to hell and tell the devil I’m not that far behind”

“I’m trying to keep from going insane, ain’t that the way of this whole damn thing”

“For a minute, I was stone cold sober”

“I wish I could still call you friend”

“I know I deserve what you’re putting me through”

“I’ve been trying hard not lose my breath ever since you left”

“Where did you lose your happiness?”

“You’re the thing that I can’t quit”

“Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat”

“Tell me it’s okay to be happy now”

“I was born but I wasn’t raised”

“I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again”

“Five best friends on four bald tires”

“Even if I knew you’d be the one that got away, I’d still go back and get you”

“Tell me who you were falling for when we were lying on the floor”

“All the greats die young, that’s probably why I’m still alive”

“I never thought we’d make it out”

“I wish we could live here all the time”

“I know that you’re in pain but if we die at the same time, does it still scare you”

“I don’t want to leave this bar until I get your number”

“All that I know is that I just can’t say no to you, funny how things never change”

“I was young and horny.”

“I’d kill for one more way to tell you how you make me better every day”

“How did we end up talking in the first place”

“The weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up”

“There’s a lot more color in the mix when you’re loud and proud out in the sticks”

“Faking smiles and confidence”

“Fight the break of dawn, come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone”

“Why do I get myself into something I’m not ready for”

“I’d be lying if I tried telling you that you’re not everything that I want”

“It’s bittersweet I can still count on you for something”

“I see you when I close my eyes. I see you like I did that night”

“Tomorrow isn’t promised if the planet falls apart”

“If we get sober, we’ll never get old until we die”

“The tears from your eyes are leaving stains on your shirt, man”

“I ignore all the warning signs, fall for you every time”

“If I think you’re for real, I’m in denial”

“I’m just trying not to lose my shit this time”

“You don’t want to be friends, you’re just horny and fucked up at two am in the morning”

“I’m still young, wasting my youth. I’ll grow up next summer”

“With a full moon and a shitty mood”

“Everything gets fuzzy when you come around”

“I’ll be fine even though I’m not always right”

“We haven’t got time to be putting out fires we didn’t start”

“When you touch me I know there is purpose in my life”

“Maybe someone will save us before we drown”

Volume Four

“Playing fiction in a parking lot, anything to be more than an afterthought”

“Yeah, that’s good to know, wish I knew three years ago”

“I watched you fall away, evade accountability”

“Was I a fool for ever thinking I could get you to stay?”

“If I wake up and I’m still breathing, meet me where the sidewalk ends” 

“Today I called to tell you that I’m changing but I don’t think you have enough respect to see me try”

“Don’t you ever dare call me Vanilla”

“I read your letter, the one you left when you broke into my house”

“Leave it to me to fuck it up without a good reason.” 

“I’m not scared to jump if you want to”

“I’ll keep my secrets inside of my mind, promise I loved you but you roll your eyes”

“Got this bloodstain on my shirt, looking back it doesn’t hurt”

“I don’t mind sleeping all alone, but I’d rather wake up next to you” 

 “I’m always the outcast, I’ll take the blame. The first night you met me, you forgot my name”

 “Like bullets inside my head, you’re drivin’ me insane but there ain’t nothing I would change”

 “I’m at the same dead end, the lonely space in my head”

 “Now we’re at the part where you’ll hate what you see, what the fuck is wrong with me?”

“We’ve got this thing and it’s untouchable. It’s so dirty, pretty, beautiful” 

 “I’m a first class ticket to a fistfight, took a hit to the ribs but I feel just fine.”

“Is this butterflies or nausea? I can’t tell the difference anymore”

 “Tell me what it’s like to be loved by you”

“Baby, I can tell you ain’t easily impressed”

“Like weeds through the concrete cracks, and the flowers by the railroad tracks”

“It’s only been a couple of days and I miss you”

“When you change your mind, I’ll be waiting”

“I only miss you at midnight”

“Remember when you hit the brakes too soon, twenty stitches in a hospital room”

“Mama tried to raise me right but she couldn’t raise the hell out of me”

“So let’s take it back to the basics ‘cause let’s face it, I am on my own”

 “You’d never remember me when you’re pulling on his jeans”

 “I’m over wasting time in life trying to be something I’m not”

 “There’s only one place I wanna be” 

 “Deep dive off the coast of my feelings”

 “I’m glad to say this chapters about to end”

 “And when you touch me like that I get a little attached”

 “I’m single in September when I didn’t want to be”

 “I’m at best your second option”

 “Redefine rock bottom with these empty orange bottles”

 “A sloppy drunk obsessed with his juul”

“The things I’ve learned from a broken mirror, how a face can change when the heart knows fear”

 “I can’t forget the way you looked without your jeans on”

“I’ma treat you right tonight, let’s make it last forever”

“Pushed out of the family tree”

“Guess I think too much, maybe I’m obsessed with universal things like money love and death”

“You love who you love, ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of”

“With the boombox blaring as we’re falling in love”

 “I go back to the loss of a real good friend, and the sixteen summers I spent with him”

“There’s a noise complaint from room 304”

“Just shut up and drink your diet soda”

“We had to learn the hard way”

 “All You ever wanted was a part of me that I couldn’t fake”

“Love’s got a funny way of keepin’ score”

 “If the world ends, I hope I’m in my living room with my best friends”

“Baby blue eyes, stay with me by my side ‘til the mornin”

 “I’ll have you know, I’m scared to death”

“Tell yourself it’s never gonna happen again”

     “All the times you said you hate me, baby, I know what it feels like now. Damn it, I’m sorry”

“I would have married you in Vegas had you given me the chance to say I Do”

“Oh well, guess I’ll see you in hell”

“I got one thing to say and that’s thanks for nothing, kiss my ass”

Volume Five

 “Wide awake but it just feels wrong”

“We can fuck about it later if you want”

“I was fighting for my life eight months ago”

“Don’t be fooled, I’m only letting you down”

“Let’s run free and carry on, like we did when we were young”

“But I’m headstrong and stubborn and stuck in my ways”

“I wanna wake up with you and I, I wish we could live here all of the time.”

“I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”

“I have this thing where I get older but never get wiser”

“I picked the petals, he loves me not”

“There’s always gonna be that one forever thing attached to you and me”

“Moving on isn’t something I regret, but it hard to forget” 

“I don’t want to waste my life without you baby”

“As memories fade, nothing’s the same, guess I better act my age” 

“You’re either with us or you can keep it to yourself”

“They say bad things happen for a reason”

“This could be the end of everything”

“Love me for who I am and who I’m gonna be”

“When we were still changing for the better”

“I’d tell you that I’m scared of turning out a failure”

“It’s safe to say I knew it, yeah, I knew it all along” 

“You can do just what you like tonight”

“Memories I hold to keep safe, and I live for that look on your face”

“Go ahead and take life’s lemons, you can mix them with some top shelf”

“Now we’re at the part where you’ll hate what you see.”

“I’ll go through the walls and kick down doors” 

“I even hate my favorite band, all because of you.”

“You make me feel like  1990 something”

“There’s nothing but broken streetlights, and I’m just trying to escape”

“I know I shouldn’t tell you” 

“Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?”

“Don’t you go and carry on with your life”

“So go to hell and tell the Devil I’m not that far behind” 

“Sex and white lies, handcuffs and alibis”

“So pour me another and kiss me like there’s no tomorrow” 

“Spare me just three last words”

“I still don’t know when I can come home, but I promised I would try”

“I barely know her but she starts to give me butterflies”

“She said she wants me for a lifetime”

“Guess I’m getting used to sleepless nights”

“You look pretty with my heart in the palm of your hand” 

“I thought this was as bad as it gets but I was wrong”

“You don’t wanna love me right now, ‘cause baby, I don’t even like me” 

“Lying isn’t me, so I’ll just be completely honest” 

“This shit should be a sin”

“Part of me’s a saint, but I’ll be a sinner”

“I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun”

“Now those songs we used to sing are just songs I can’t sing anymore”

“I would do anything, anything for you”

“I’d drive her anywhere from here to California” 

[genuineformality]

I posted 1,210 times in 2022

That's 1,178 more posts than 2021!

115 posts created (10%)

1,095 posts reblogged (90%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@taralkariel

@marycontraire

@totchipanda

@elle-rosewater

@saritasoyyo

I tagged 1,036 of my posts in 2022

Only 14% of my posts had no tags

#fanfic - 142 posts

#six of crows - 142 posts

#kaz brekker - 90 posts

#vitally important bird content - 72 posts

#please keep bird tags coming - 61 posts

#inej ghafa - 59 posts

#about the author - 54 posts

#writing - 39 posts

#febuwhump - 33 posts

#kanej - 31 posts

Longest Tag: 107 characters

#no shit i spent my first decade of bird watching with a pair of $40 binoculars and an inherited field guide

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I posted my second SOC fanfic yesterday and I have been gauging the response of this one vs the last. Acknowledging that I have a sample size of two and making some assumptions based on time and date of launch, word count, and changes in POV, I have come to the following conclusion:

The Six of Crows fandom greatly prefers stories involving the main character performing a grisly murder and does not prefer noodling about the realities of launching an anti-human trafficking nonprofit in a modern day Ketterdam.

Which, okay. I can see that.

I’m still 100% going to keep writing about Inej’s anti-human trafficking NPO progress, but maybe I’ll try to work a few more grisly murders into the plots. Goodness knows, as an NPO professional myself, I’ve certainly fantasized about being able to solve problems with murder, so maybe this will be cathartic for everyone involved.

28 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

#4

Old Gods of Appalachia continues to do a fascinating piece of storytelling, where the listener is introduced to something bone chillingly terrifying as the preamble and then introduces something that is significantly worse and scares the bejeezus out of the haint whom we have just gotten to know. It is both a brilliant way to introduce multiple types of creatures and also show the relative hierarchy of the things that go bump in the night.

38 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

#3

Me, working on my SOC Modern AU: “What would a city created by nearly unfettered capitalism with an actual prosperity cult look like in the modern day?”

Also me, someone living in USA: “OH.”

44 notes - Posted January 9, 2022

#2

There is nothing that makes me feel as connected to my ancestors as being on my weekly Shabbat call and forgetting which prayer I’m doing in the middle of it.

“…Asher kidshanu b’mitzvotav-“ look down at the bread in front of me, “-FUCK.”

49 notes - Posted January 7, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I have finished Season 2 of @thesiltverses and I am deep in my feels about the nature of faith and how we incorporate it (or not) in our daily lives; the pervasive perniciousness of capitalist propaganda; how the only good cops aren’t cops anymore; the incredible storytelling at work to showcase a world that is both incredibly alien and yet entirely familiar; and how to write people who are Not Good in such a way as to make them extremely sympathetic and relatable. (There’s a longer maunder about the nature and relativity of good and evil in the context of worlds that have significantly different cosmologies, which I’m likely going to have a lot of feelings about later.)

Absolutely incredible work. If you are into horror radio dramas (and don’t mind a *lot* of body horror - like *a lot*), I 100% recommend. Please join me in this absolute obsession. Just cannot get over how good it is.

86 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[thebatfamfanatic]

Six Times He Met Her

Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, guy taking advantage of a minor in first chap, mention of underage smut in fourth chap, making out?, violence, mentions of blood/injury, main character death, adult language, angst

A/N: First thing I’ve written on Tumblr!! Tell me if anybody likes it, or if I broke your heart. And yes, I know I’m evil.

1-

The first time he saw you was around 2:30 in the morning. Jason was squatting on the edge of a rooftop in Gotham, surveying the dark scenery below him.

Somehow, there was still plenty of traffic on the dirty streets, plenty of cars honking and driving around. Jason always wondered who the fuck needed to be somewhere at 2 am.

He fiddled with a loose seam on the Robin uniform he sported each night, hunting down the assholes of Gotham (pretty much 70% of the city) and putting them in jail, where they belonged.

At 16, Jason Todd technically should have been in bed, maintaining a healthy sleep schedule and doing some rich kid shit during the day. Of course, his adoptive (long story) father, Bruce Wayne, richest playboy in Gotham, employed him to be his little tweety bird sidekick at night, so here he was, at the rendezvous watching the streets. yay. A scream came from an alley nearby. Jason stood, stretched his legs, and leaped down from the roof onto the ground. He pinpointed the alleyway where the noise was coming from and raced into it. A girl, about his age, had been cornered by some bitch dude who thought he could take advantage of this girl. Not on Robin’s watch.

Before the girl could scream again, the guy was on the ground and Jason was helping her up. She shakily took the hand he offered her and looked him in the eye. Shit, she had gorgeous eyes. Jason froze for a second, lost in her beauty, before clearing in his throat.

“Hi. I’m Robin, uh, you probably knew that. Are you okay, ma’am?”

He hated the squeak that came out of his mouth. He sounded like a fucking 5 year old. The girl raised her eyebrow. She had recovered rather quickly. “You don’t have to call me ma’am. I’m not some rich-ass royal whatever from Britain.” Jason liked this one. Sassy, but just so. He inquired where she lived, and she gave him the address. With his grappling hook at the ready, Jason pulled her closer to him. She jumped at the sudden closeness, but seemed to enjoy it. Maybe? He didn’t know shit about girls.

Jason shot the hook, propelling them up in the air, and landed on a rooftop. They continued this routine until he got in front of her house. It was still several seconds before he released her waist.

She started to walk towards her door, before stopping.

“Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.”

“Sorry, what?” Jason blinked.

“I thought you were smart, Robin. Its my name, dumb ass.”

Then Y/N disappeared into her house. Jason stood there foolishly outside on her front lawn for a while, thinking about the girl he had just met. She was unlike anyone he had ever met, and he realized 10 minutes later that he had forgotten to ask about where her family was and everything.

Oh well. Bruce would be expecting him anyways. Jason shot his grappling hook and started home, still dazed from the encounter.

2-

The second time you guys met was two weeks later. Jason was just Jason Todd, a normal 10th grader living in the shadow of his (adopted) older brother Dick Grayson. Nobody paid much attention to him, and he didn’t really mind. Mostly Jason focused on getting A’s in class and then retreating into the library until Golden Boy’s after school clubs were over.

That is, until you walked in. It sounded as if you had just moved here, and for a minute, Jason felt a little sorry for you. I mean, Gotham wasn’t the greatest place to spend high school, or any grade, in his opinion.

You looked at your schedule from across the hall and then up at the locker next to him. For a second, your eyes met his and Jason was content. Lost in those brilliant colors. And then you looked away and started walking towards him. He realized just in time maybe he should stop leaning over your locker as you stopped next to him.

“Hi. Y/N. Just moved here. Looks like we’re locker neighbors.”

Jason was about to reply with “I know” but restrained himself. “Jason. Nice to meet you. Congrats on moving to this shitshow.”

He managed to not grin like an idiot as you laughed. The sound was music to his ears, like beautiful bells. God, he was being sappy.

“It’s not much of a shitshow when you’re here.” Ooh, she flirts too. Jason smirked as you opened your locker and dumped your stuff inside, pulling out the things you needed for your first class.

The first bell shrieked just as you closed your locker. “See you around, Jason.”

The small smile you gave him made his day, and he almost forgot to get to class. Yes, you were certainly one of a kind, and yes, Jason wanted you. The question was how to get to that point.

3-

You guys had a couple classes together, and frequently sat at the same table during lunch, so it wasn’t long before you were quick friends with Jason. However, the next notable time you met was a little while after he got your number.

Jason was laying on his bed, scrolling mindlessly through Tumblr as he thought about ways to ask you out.

Y/N, would you grant me the honor of going out with me? No, too Romeo and Juliet.

Hey, want to grab ice cream? He had to make it clear what his intentions were. Then it wouldn’t be weird if he kissed you, right?

Oh, god, if he fucking kissed you….what would that be like? Before Jason could start fantasizing, his fingers were flying across the keyboard and he had sent a text to you. What did he do, what did he-

Hey, I was wondering if you’d like to see that new movie this weekend. It seems like something you would enjoy.

Hm. That was actually pretty good. Where did he come up with that?

Jason had just started inspecting his fingers for some kind of sign of being possessed by smooth-with-girls-syndrome when you responded. He looked up and read it quickly.

Sure, I’d love that! Thanks for thinking of me ❤️

A heart. You had put a heart at the end of it. Did that mean you knew it was a date?

Jason sighed. He certainly hoped so.

4-

The weekend date went good. By the end of it, Jason was sure you knew it was a date. The second one passed, and then the third. The third one was when you hesitantly pecked him on the cheek. The fourth was when he kissed you actually. It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was just enough for him to take you on a fourth date. An actual “will you go out with me on a date” kind of thing.

He took you to a restaurant in the fancy part of things. You two ate food that two broke 16 year olds technically shouldn’t have been able to afford, but Bruce helped Jason out.

Jason drove you home afterwards and discussed the topic of the upcoming summer during the car ride. What you were doing, where he was going. The entire time, Jason had butterflies in his stomach. He wasn’t sure how to act. Was he messing it all up, or were you actually into him?

Once he parked in front of your house and walked you up to the stoop, you looked at him. He noticed you were biting your lip nervously, and god, why did he think that was so hot? “My parents aren’t home.” It was the softest Jason had ever heard you speak, but he knew what you meant. He smiled gently, and kissed you again. This one was destined to last longer, and before either of you realized it, you had opened your door and you were leading him to your bedroom.

That night was one neither of you would forget, and by the end of it, Jason had officially asked out successfully.

5-

You and Jason spent a lot of time together after that. You met his older brother, Dick (who was very happy for Jason, too happy in his opinion) and his dad, Bruce Wayne. Bruce was cool, but very busy all the time.

By two months, Jason still hadn’t told you his identity as Robin, and he was running out of excuses. One day, you confronted him, assuming he was cheating on you. He tried everything, but he had to go out on patrol.

Jason left that night assuming you were broken up. The entire patrol, he wasn’t himself. Truth was, he loved you so much he was afraid of losing you. That had become his greatest fear. It was that night everything went wrong.

6-

You were out taking a late night walk. Down by the pier, a cold wind was blowing, and as you walked past warehouse after warehouse, you pulled your coat tighter.

You were affected as well, and confused about where you and your boyfriend stood. Did you guys just breakup? Did he love you? Did–

A scream echoed from one of the warehouses. You turned, afraid of stepping closer but afraid of leaving the person. Eventually, your curiosity won over and you climbed up several crates to peer into the window.

What you saw inside almost made you scream yourself. Robin, the hero everybody talked about, lay defenseless and bloody on the ground as a tall man-the Joker- whacked him over and over again with a crowbar.

You gasped, wanting to help, but you knew that would be foolish. You would just get in the way for a minute. Tears started to form in your eyes as Robin weakly cried out from the pain. He looked so…helpless.

Joker relentlessly beat him with the crowbar, and Robin’s mask began to come off. You rubbed the tears from your eyes just as the mask fell to the ground.

“No.” was the only thing that you could muster. Jason lay on the ground in the bloody Robin suit. Jason fucking Todd. There was your boyfriend, being beaten to death by the asshole of all assholes. That was why he kept disappearing at night, because he fucking protected the city!

You were mad at yourself for being so cruel to Jason without knowing what was really going on. You barely paid attention as Batman and Nightwing suddenly burst through the windows.

Joker laughed, and said something you couldn’t hear from the outside. Probably taunting Batman as he watched his apprentice get beat to death.

A fight broke out, Batman lunging at Joker as Nightwing rushed to Jason, laying broken on the ground. You had just enough time to duck as a Batarang came swooping out of the hands of the Caped Crusader and straight through the window you were looking through.

It was then you realized how close Jason was to death, and what you needed to do. The window pricked your jacket as you jumped through it, but you didn’t care. Gymnastics back in 6th grade helped when you landed awkwardly. Nightwing spun around, and it wasn’t hard to figure out that was Dick, which meant Bruce was Batman.

However, none of that mattered when Jason was half dead in front of you. Nightwing- Dick- made no effort to stop you as you knelt in front of Jason. “No, no, no.” You cradled his head in your hands, trying hard not to recognize how limp his body was, and how his chest barely moved as he struggled to breathe.

Jason’s eyes were closed, tears running down his face silently. You were crying as well, mumbling curses and things that made no sense.

“Please, don’t be dead. Please, I-I love you.”

You watched Jason make no acknowledgement he could hear you, watched him breathe once more. His chest rose and never fell.

You screamed and buried your head in his costume, not caring about getting blood on your face. Dick pulled you away wordlessly, out of the warehouse. You barely registered that the warehouse exploded behind you a few seconds later.

Dick let you sob into his shoulder for what seemed like hours. Him and Bruce exchanged a short conversation, both riddled with grief.

Six times you and Jason had met, and that was the last.

[sxdmoonchxld]

Operation: Pop The Cherry | JJK

Jungkook x Virgin!Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: rough bathroom sex, college au, unprotected sex, teasing, fingering, Jungkook has a virgin kink if you couldn’t tell by he title, lowkey sadistic JK, Gay BFF Jimin, mentions of alcohol and weed, brief mention of homophobia. bIG diCK Jungkook, more belly bulging, and I forgot what else

Word Count: 6.1k

Summary: Against you better judgement and thank to your best friend Jimin. You somehow agreed to let a stranger on campus known as the Cherry Popper, too well..pop your cherry.

Alternatively: You're a virgin. Jungkook has a fetish/kink for fucking virgins.

A/N: I guess i’ll keep putting this note until i stop reposting my old stories. I use to be lizardsocial, and this fic was previously called Game. You may still be able to find it somewhere on tumblr. I edited this fic heavily and it’s honestly a new story, but there are still some elements from the fic it used to be still in there. Unedited so please let me know of any mistakes or typos. Like, comment, reblog, let me know what you think. Enjoy!

_________________________________________

Bass boosted pop music seeped through the dense walls of the energetic room. Strobing bright colored beams danced to the rhythm of the music in mesmerizing synchrony. The musty odor of marijuana, booze, and sex-saturated air shrouded the room in a turbid veil, covering the sea of drunken undulating bodies packed in the cramped living room.  Empty beer cans and other various booze bottles mixed with burnt-out blunts accompanied the young adults. You groaned with irritation and disgust. You didn't want to be here, but to your chagrin, you had a promise to keep.

It wasn't a secret that the college nightlife was unquestionably not your type of 'scene.' You quite frequently elected to willingly engage most of your time in your freshman dorm, wrapped in your weighted burrito blanket. A nightstand stockpiled with all your favorite snacks, lights dimmed low, and lavender incense burning, filling your room with the aroma of relaxation. The perfect setting to binge-watch your favorite show for the umpteenth time, the shifting distorted brightness of your computer screen, projecting the scenes against your face. 

It's kind of funny how you got yourself into this mess in the first place. The one time you decide to take the chance and branch away from the alternate antisocial hermit, your personality had adopted as its own had come back to bite you in the ass. You admit, lately, you've been neglecting your best friend. Your reasonings generally varying from the classic 'oh I was sleep' to deliberately silencing your phone, not wanting to hear the constant shrill ringing of the default ringtone. You loved Jimin, you truly did, but you could only take so much of his eccentric mashup of bubblegum and rainbow sparkles that was his personality. Eventually, guilt began eating away at you piece by piece until you ultimately caved in and invited your friend over for an impromptu movie night in your dorm room. 

Not even 30 minutes into the movie, one that you had been dying to see, might you add, Jimin commenced his drunk and high chattering. He had already started 'pre-gaming' before he came over; Six shots of straight Vodka and 2 blunts. Every day you prayed for this man's liver and brain function; with how much he drank and smoke, you would think he needed it to function. 

"Oh! Oh! Bitttch. Did I tell you about that football player, I fucckked last week!" Jimin started slurring on certain words. You noticed his eyes were glossy and glazed over. 

"No, you didn't, Chim." You sighed, completely giving up trying to watch the movie. You would have to watch it on your alone time. 

"Reeaally?" Jimin slurred, a goofy grin uplifting his lips.

"Yes, really. You haven't told me." Amusement lightly coated your voice. 

"Welll, his name is T-tae, Tae-tae something. Hold on, it's coming to me." Jimin said, rubbing the sides of his temples, trying to remember the guys' name. 

"Taehyung! That's it!" Jimin shrieked, snapping his fingers in victory.

You looked at him startled. You remember Taehyung from high school. You didn't recall him being at this college, though. Well, it wasn't like you paid attention to many things outside your bubble anyway.

"Wasn't he homophobic as fuck in high school?" You asked, genuinely interested.

"Yeah, he was. Buttt I guess he was trying to cover up, that he was actually on the DL." Jimin smiled, whispering the last part.

"DL? What's that mean?" You inquired

Jimin looked at you with a look of betrayal. "It means he's on the down-low, meaning he didn't want anyone to know he's gay. Girrl, I'm too crossfaded to be explaining this to you."

You chuckled, " My bad, Chim. So was it good?"

"Fuck, no! Dick was straight trash. The only thing that saved him a little was that his dick was huge." Jimin said, wiping away a pretend tear from the corner of his eye. 

You laughed boisterously at that. If Jimin wasn't so adamant about becoming a professional dancer. He could seriously take up a career in comedy.

"Speaking of dick. When are you gonna get some?" Jimin asked, turning his body to face you completely. As you looked at him, you noticed his eyes seemed a bit clearer, and his face wasn't as red as earlier. Not only did Jimin drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney. He was somehow able to sober just as fast.

"Oh my god, Jimin. Please don't sta-"

"Mmm, no missy," Jimin said, wagging his finger in your face.

"Don't you hear it?" He said, cupping his hand around his ear as if he was straining to hear something.

"Hear what?" You replied, rolling your eyes and crossing your arms against your chest.

"The cobwebs and tumbleweed living in your cunt."

"Jimin!" You shrieked, slapping the arm closest to you.

"Don't Jimin me! You know it's true, I swear you're gonna be a 40-year-old virgin, and by the time you finally make the decision to have sex, it'll be too late!" Jimin yelled, stumbling to stand up from the couch.

"First off, ouch. I won't be a 40-year-old virgin. That's very insulting. Second, I do plan to lose it soon. I just haven't found the time or the right guy." You said, looking down at your feet shyly. You did want to lose your virginity, but with being an introvert with a mix of social anxiety and just a dash of seasonal depression for added flavor. It was hard even to get out of bed sometimes. Much less going out and trying to find someone to do the do with.

"Oh! Well, if that's all, then I got you covered, babe. Time? Next week Friday at Jihyo's dorm. As for the right guy, I know a dude. He has like a kink for that kind of thing." Jimin answered nonchalantly, now scrolling through his phone, probably on his social media page.

You looked at Jimin, head tilted to the side, confused. "What kind of thing?"

"Oh, you know fucking virgins and shit. Popping their cherries." He said, popping his "P's."

You sputtered, exasperated. What the fuck. You didn't kink shame, that was for losers, but he can't seriously expect you to do something like that.

"What the actual fuck. Jimin, are you serious?"  

"Deadly." He said, looking you square in your eyes. His tone of voice haven dropped an octave lower.

"Jimin no. I-i can't."

"Jimin, yes! Err, I mean _____ yes, you can! Come on, it's a once in a lifetime experience. Plus, it's not like he's a total stranger. I've known him since he was 8 years old. I use to babysit the little shit head." Jimin said, waving his hand in the air, trying to swat away a rogue fly.

"Wow, Chim. You know, now that you put it like it makes me feel a lot better about the situation." You said tone dripped in sarcasm

"Really?" Jimin squealed, a delighted twinkling in his eye.

"Of course not! Don't be stupid!" Offended, you gawked at Jimin. You swear sometimes he could be so dimwitted.

"Come on, please? At least meet him, and if the vibe is not right, then you can leave no harm done." Jimin pleaded, his attention back on you. Was it crazy that you were actually thinking about agreeing to this? Jimin did have a point. It was sort of a once in a lifetime opportunity. He did know the guy, and if you didn't like the vibe, then you could just bounce, right? Right?

Sighing in defeat, your hands dragged down your face and turned towards a pouting Jimin. Grabbing at his deflated shoulders, you shook her lightly, and with urgency in your voice, you spoke, "Alright goddammit! I'll do it, but you have to stay by my side the whole time, no running off, you understand!" 

You watched Jimin's face quirk into a sly smirk. You swore you could see the cogs in his brain churning. Damn, you were going to regret this. You had the tendency to make deals when pressured. Most of the time, those agreements ended up backfiring on you, confining you in the proverbial rock and a hard place. 

"Yay! Operation: Pop _____ Cherry has commenced. Okay, so will meet at the auditorium on the art campus. From there we will walk to Jihyo's dorm, it's only five minutes. Promise me you'll actually show up and won't flake on me." A complacent expression rested arrogantly on Jimin's features, a single pinky finger extended towards you. 

"Don't give this situation a not-so-secret code name. And I can't believe I'm saying this but, I promise." You agreed, interlocking pinky fingers, yours thumbs coming up to press against one another.

"So I'll meet you at the location Friday, don't be late, and wear something sexy. No granny clothes." he chirped, making his way to your front door.

"Wait! You're leaving already?" you frowned, looking at the clock on your wall. He's only been here for an hour, and 30 mins of it were spent persuading you to hurry up and lose your virginity. You didn't even get to finish the movie together.

"Sorry babe, but I have a dick appointment." he shrugged, putting his arms through the sleeves of his jacket.

"Can you at least tell me the name of the guy who's supposed to fuck me?" you huffed, honestly you were done for tonight. As soon as Jimin left, you were heading straight for bed.

"Oh yeah, how could I forget." Jimin slaps the center of his forehead. "He's a real cutie. I would fuck him if he wasn't as straight as an arrow." Jimin looks off to a far wall, eyeing it with jealousy.

"Just tell me his name, please." You pleaded. Oh yeah, that's definitely a headache forming. You could feel it already. Jimin snaps out of his daydreaming and spins his body towards you.

"Jungkook."

Time skip to a week later, and precisely as you suspected, what a mistake that whole conversation was. Now here you were at this fucking dorm party with people you didn't know or care to get to know. Jimin had left you as soon as he saw his next piece of ass. Restlessly you hauled down the short black dress that insisted on riding up your ass, the soles of your feet protesting in the slim heeled shoes. Floundering your way into the packed building, you couldn't help but query where Jungkook was. Jimin was supposed to get around to send you a picture of the mystery man, but that never happened. Funny how now was the best time you decided to question why exactly Jimin was your best friend.

"Well damn, the pictures Jimin sent me doesn't do you justice at all. You're fucking hot." You recoiled from the closeness of the voice, the heated breath sending chills skittering down your spine, and the hairs on the back of your neck ramrod straight. Heat spurred to your face when you whisked around to meet an absolutely gorgeous guy. Like unfairly gorgeous guy. You stared wide-eyed, taking in his chiseled facial features, paired with wide doe eyes and bunny smile decorating his face. Somehow, someway he's mastered looked soft and sexy at the same damn time. And fuck was that a dangerous combination for your pussy. Your heart too, but more so your cunt.

"U-uh, thanks? Who are you exactly?" You watch as he recoils back from your with a look of apprehension on his face.

"A-are you not ____?" he stutters cutely. You think you can see the beginnings of a blush burning his cheeks. You nod your head once to confirm his question. He stared at you a minute longer before you see the recognition spark in his chocolate orbs.

"Jimin didn't send you my picture did he?" Shaking his head with his eyes close, you get the courage the scan his face a bit more. Yeah. He's definitely blushing.

"Sorry. I guess seeing you here, I thought Jimin would have...prepared you better." Shaking your head from side to side because your words refused to come out. You watched as he backed up a bit further from your personal space and thrust his right hand out to you. 

"The name's Jungkook, or J.K. Whatever suits your taste."

With clammy hands, you taking his outstretched hand marveled at how it almost covers your hand. Now that he's moved back from you, you now had to chance to see how tall he really was. Maybe about 6 to 7 inches taller. You look down at his feet and eye his combat boot, perhaps a little shorter but still taller. And big, yeah, definitely bigger. His oversized black jacket did little to hide the broadness of his shoulders and chest. You let your eyes travel down the length of his body. You bet he's hiding some killer abs under his shirt. And holy fuck, his thighs.

"You like what you see, baby girl?" Teasing, he's teasing but God, if his voice didn't make you pussy throbbing pathetically. Whimpering slightly, you let out a meek "Yes." God, you hope he didn't hear that.

Much to your dismay, he did, hear you. How he heard you with the music as loud as it was, was a mystery to you. But you watched his pupils dilate, and his nostrils flare slightly. Jungkook tucks his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes rake up and down your scantily clad body. His heated stare scrutinized across your body, intrigue exerting over him, as he analyzed the way the snug-fitting dress molded to the curves of your shape. He could tell you didn't do this often. His dick twitched in his jeans with enthusiasm. 

It's the increase in pressure of your hand that makes you realize you're still holding his hand. You go to retract your hand from his. However, yelp shrilly as he tugs you closer to his body. Both hands now resting on his chest, and his wrapped around your waist. Fuck, you could feel the warmth and coarseness of his hands through your thin dress. A spontaneous tremor racked your body. The heat-transmitting from his frame mixed with the floral yet musky undertone of his cologne made you somewhat featherbrained.

"Fuck, you're so soft." You squeak as he squeezes your waistline, pulling you even closer against his body. You were now putty in his hands.

"Jimin told you my....preferences, right?" his voice caressed your ear. Just a slight movement or subtle twitch, and his lips would be on your skin.

"Y-yeah, he did." It should be an embarrassment how frail and breathless you sounded, but that didn't matter.

Jungkook hid his smile behind your ear. This was just too easy. Just how he liked it. He almost felt bad- almost. He was gonna ruin you utterly and completely, mold the shape of cock in the walls of your pussy. His name spilling from your lips, voice going hoarse by how loud he would make you scream. Fuck he couldn't wait. He's had virgin's before, a lot of them. That's his whole M.O. The cherry popper, virgin fucker, whatever. Jungkook's heard all the names in the book. But there's just something about you, you just had an air of genuine innocence, and he couldn't wait to defile it. 

Jungkook pulls his head back, enough to where his eyes can trail over the bared skin of your neck, and the sprinkling of perspiration sparkling off the bright strobing lights, no doubt from nervousness. His tongue traced over his thin upper lip, watching the droplets of sweat spiral down the curve of your neck. He wanted to taste you. 

"Alright, then." He jerks his body away from you. You're no longer touching his chest, but his hands are still on your waist. 

"Let's enjoy the party before the fun really begins. Every done body shots before?" Jungkook spoke casually, undeterred by the way you recoiled back or the look of stupor on your face.

"W-what? B-body shots, why?" you squeaked, failing to keep from stuttering over your words. Is this how it's supposed to go? Is this normal? You're bewildered, and just a bit perturbed. Were you just imagining that sexual tension that was going on just moments ago? For sure, you thought Jungkook was gonna throw you over his shoulders and haul you off to the nearest unoccupied bedroom or bathroom. At that instant, you didn't care. 

Jungkook regarded the war of emotions wage across your features, merriment and strobing lights twinkling in his eyes. Fuck, you were cute, so desperate staring up at him with a pout on your face a puppy dog eyes. He could honestly just take you back to the closest room and fuck the shit out of you. But he wanted to play with his prey, a bit more. The wait made it that much more satisfying.

"Don't pout too much, baby girl or I may not be able to contain myself. Follow me. The table is this way."

Jungkook didn't indulge in answering any of your questions you rambled off at him, delighted to see you trailing on his heels like a lost pup. Jungkook directed you further into the dorm, and like a dog on a leash, you followed. In the center of a sparse room sat a scraped up black table. You observed the area. It was devoid of many people. The several that were present made no recognition of your proximity in their intoxicated state.

"So who's first?" Jungkook asked, setting the bottle of tequila, rim salt, and limes down on the table.

"U-uh, I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter." You shrugged hesitantly. You were way out of your element here.

"Perfect then, you first." Jungkook should be ashamed by how excited he was at getting to sample your skin. It looked smooth, felt soft when he had you in his arms, and would no doubt probably taste as sweet as it seemed. You nodded in docility, wandering over to crawl on top of the table, being attentive to your dress. You lay flattened against the table, shiverings racking your body as he began pouring a trail of salt between your cleavage. 

He poured himself a shot in the depression of your throat and tore the lime in half with his bare hands. Smirking at how you flinched when he thumped the liquor bottle down beside your head. Jungkook pushed the other half of the unevenly split lime towards your lips, a silent gesture to take the lime in your mouth. Jungkook watched as your lips curled gently around the hull of the green citrus. A flare of lust stirred in his loins at the action. He couldn't wait to see your lips stretched around the head of his cock. He observed your eyes clamped closed as he began dropping his head forward to your chest. It was adorable and innocent. He noted the way your lips slackened around the citrus in your mouth, your chest heaving in speed, the closer his tongue trailed to your neck.

You tasted splendid, just as sweet as he thought. The salt on your skin did nothing to deter your natural flavor. If anything, it enhanced your sweetness, rendering your skin damn near mouth-watering. Jungkook's ears perked at the breathless moans slipping past the fruit perched against your lips, drawn out by the repeated pass of the wet, pink appendage lapping at the salt line between the valley of your breast. Committing your muffled moans to memory, he lapped persistently at the collection of salt and tequila in the hollow at the base of your neck.

You face flammed in embarrassment as panting moans effortlessly tumbled from your mouth. Who knew your chest and neck was such an erogenous spot. Despite your shame, you couldn't stop wriggling, shifting your thighs together for some form of friction to sate the rising arousal dampening your panties. You yelped at the sensation of blunt teeth nibbling at your skin before soft lips came to suck at the shallow indentations. Fluffy hair with an undercut came into your line of vision as Jungkook lifted his head up to your lips. Your heart stammered tortuously against your ribs, flirtatious eyes stared lidded with searing lust, his head advanced closer to your lips. Your eyes fluttered closed, lips puckering against the bitter hull of the lime.

Jungkook closed the distance, slanting his mouth over the lime, blocking his contact with yours. He sucked against the sour fruit, acidity puckering his lips, residual tartness flowing to your cracked lips. Jungkook withdrew from your mouth, taking the drained lime hull with it. Your saccharine moans were heaven to his ears. It had awoken something inside him, fueled his fire in knowing that possibly no one had ever heard such a sweet sound. He wanted more, craved more. 

"Have you ever been kissed before, sweetheart?" Your eyes followed the movement of his tongue, poking out to moistening his lips. 

"Yeah, once in like 3rd grade." Who hasn't snuck behind a tree or hid underneath the dark coverings of playground equipment to lock lips with a childhood crush?

He grinned salaciously, body moving to rest between your spread legs. Oh, now he was really excited. Your lips were practically untouched. Just another part of your body to claim first. You jumped when palms pressed flat against the revealed skin of your thigh. Gently, Jungkook rubbed lazy circles on your skin, never lowering or furthering than the hem of your dress. He felt you wiggle beneath his hands, observed your eyes, glimpsing―darting about, should you concentrate on his face, or his hand, uncertainty was etched on your face.

"Amazing." He groaned, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks, before grinning again. His face inched closer to yours, his lips but a breath apart, warmth flickered against your lips as he talked, level and smooth. " Well, how about I become your second?

And then his lips were on you, the soft muscle mangled itself to your lips, tentative and sluggish to give you a chance to register his mouth slanted upon yours. Jungkook chuckled against your lips at your unresponsiveness. He guesses you were a little shell shocked. It only takes a few more stagnant seconds before you're shyly reciprocating his kiss. Delicate, shaky movements highlighted your inexperience. Increasingly, Jungkook increased the pressure behind lips, his hands spreading to enclose around your waist, dragging you closer against him. One of Jungkook's hands removed from your waist to bury itself in your hair, gently his fingernails scratched against your scalp, an airy moan was his reward. 

Hands completely abandoning your midsection, one gripped the meat of your thigh, pulling you to the edge of the table, flush against the tent of his denim jean encased manhood, the other embedded in your strands pulled sharply on your roots, a loud gasp tearing from you. Jungkook took that opportunity to advance his tongue into your gaped mouth. His tongue wrapped itself around yours, briefly wrestling for dominance before easily pinning your tongue in submission. His hips ground against yours, the heat of your covered core teased him through his jeans. 

He thoroughly explored your mouth, swallowing the now copious cries leaving your mouth. Reluctantly, Jungkook tore himself from your kiss-swollen lips. The ravished looked suited you perfectly. You looked beautiful, thighs brazenly spread, eyes glazed over in lust, your sticky chest heaving from the length of the shared kiss. Even in the dim lights, he could make out the taunt pebbling of your nipples. 

Your mouth gaped wide, flapping about like a fish out of water, trying despairingly to draw air into your lungs. Your first kiss definitely didn't compare to this much. Your wide eyes flicked between Jungkook and the floor, your bottom lip tucked firmly between your teeth, feeling shy as he just stares at you. Releasing your teeth from your lips, you timidly touched your mouth, admiring how plump they've gotten from the intense liplock.

Wordlessly Jungkook hitched you over his shoulder, winded with a grunt as his defined shoulder blades dug into your stomach and what sounded like a growled vibrate up into you. You squirmed lightly in his hold, scared he was going to drop you, and secondly, your panty-clad ass on display for the party-goers, not that anyone was looking. 

You watched the continuous panels of hardwood floor move beneath you as Jungkook carried you to an unknown destination. You couldn't believe you were really doing this. Were you actually going to have sex with a complete stranger? Someone who was known for explicitly fucking virgins. Realistically, you should be ashamed, yet, you conceded full control to him without a second thought. What did that say about you? About your character? Would you now be labeled as 'easy' or a 'hoe' after all this was done? What was going to happen between you and Jungkook? 

The flick of a switch stirred from your thoughts. You shield your eyes with your hand at the bright lights pouring into the room, or rather a bathroom. Jungkook loved the confusion marring your features. He wouldn't fuck you in his bedroom just yet. That was a privilege you would have to earn, no matter how intrigued he had become with you. There's always humiliation to be had in the corruption of innocence, and fucking you in the bathroom was a good start. He planned on making you watch him as he destroyed your body, popping your cherry, stretching your tight virginal hole to accommodate his length, and claimed it as his own. Jungkook shuddered at the thought, his possessive nature taking a turn for the worst. 

Impatiently Jungkook sat you on top of the bathroom sink counter, his lips smashed against yours, the previous tenderness was gone, vanished into a puff of smoke. Teeth banged, and tongues flailed recklessly against each other in the heat of passion, with you struggling to keep up with the demands of his dominating kiss. Thick fingers trailed beneath the hem of your dress, tickling the expanse of your thighs. Jungkook wasted no time in shifting your slick soaked panties to the side, a warm digit gliding effortlessly through your damn folds.

"Fuck, you're already so wet. You're enjoying this a little too much, baby girl." Jungkook growled, panting against your lips. His finger breached your sex, you tensed deftly around the foreigner intrusion, stretching your weeping walls. 

"Ah, Jungkook." You cried listlessly, rocking your hips against his stilled finger. He felt so good inside you, and it was just his finger. Maybe this experience wouldn't be as bad as you heard. Now you couldn't wait to see what his cock felt like embedded deep within your pussy. Jungkook pumped slowly, eventually introducing a second finger to help loosen you up more. You were gonna be a tight fit, very tight, but that just made it even better. You hissed at the slight burn as he began scissoring his fingers apart with each withdrawal. Your hands wrapped around his neck as you buried your head against his broad chest, your mellifluous moans suppressed by the fabric of his shirt. 

"G-go faster, please." You begged, your body adjusting and quickly becoming frustrated by the snail's pace his fingers were pumping. You bucked your hips against his hands, hoping he would ease the growing discomfort boiling in your stomach. 

"Have you ever had an orgasm before, babe?" You nodded eagerly at his question, whining as you bucked against his hand again.

"Oh, really? Who gave it to you." Slow, he was going too slow you wanted, no you needed more friction, more stimulation from him.

"M-me. I-i did." Jungkook loved how you stuttered, it stroked his ego and filled him with arrogance to know it was him, and only that was capable of making you stumble over your words.

"Mmm, and how did you do it? Did you rub this little clit of yours raw?" You cried louder when his thumb flicked at your clit, the stimulation further drawing the appendage from its hood.

"Or did you fuck this tight hole, with these tiny fingers of yours?" At those words, a loud, choked moan, even muffled by your face in his chest, echoed throughout the white bathroom. Jungkook had gone deeper inside, almost to the third knuckle. Another moan left your lips as he twisted his fingers inside you, his palm now facing upwards.

"Though you and I bought know they couldn't possibly reach deep enough to touch the spot you really want." It's euphoric, no better yet orgasmic, the sheer shock of electric pleasure that zaps through your body when he finds the spongy bundle of nerves. Your body jerked heavily, legs go to snap close, only to be stopped by his broad body between your thighs.

He chuckles softly, stroking your thigh with his other hand. Jungkook shifts his head down, bringing his mouth closer to your ear. He exhales quietly, warm air tinged with tequila and lime caresses the light hairs on you around your ear. " I found it, huh?"

You whimper, rubbing your head up and down against his chest.

"You want me to speed up the pace, sweetheart?" Jungkook's voice is delicate now, so gentle. But you're confused, overwhelmed, and scared. It's never felt like this when you did it yourself. Your not sure if you could handle the feeling, so you don't provide an answer to Jungkook's question.

"Don't ignore me ____, that's not nice manners. I'll ask again." You clench around his fingers as Jungkook inches just a bit deeper. 

"Do you. Want me. To go faster?" With each pause, he arches his fingers in a 'come here' motion, pressing deeply against your bundle of nerves, the sensation of having to pee accompanied with each thrust.

 "Y-yes, faster, more. Pl-lease." Fuck, you sounded so pretty begging for him if he wasn't addicted before. You had him sprung now. Jungkook buried his face in the crook of your neck, the sharp smell of tequila and salt still lingering on your skin. He sucked at the junction where your shoulder and neck met. You bucked harder against his fingers, your juices now dripping to coat his palm is sticky cream.

"If you wanted more. Why didn't you just ask?" Jungkook said deviously. Confused, you felt withdraw his sticky digits, walls gripping to stop their departure. Without warning, Jungkook flipped you over onto the counter, your knees buckled at the sudden change in position. Your faced burning at your displayed state, droplets of your essence dribbled from your pussy, slicking up your inner thighs. You yelped as Jungkook grasped at the length of your hair, pulling back pointedly, your neck craned back to observe him addressing you in the mirror.

"You've been wondrous for me ____. Such a sweet girl." He expressed, his empty hand disappearing behind your perked ass to fiddle with the groin of his pants. 

"Truly, you have. Your response and reactions to my touch have really gotten me riled up. It's been a while since I've tittered on the edge of losing control." You wheezed, starting to panic as you felt the thick head of his cock slap teasingly against your slicked throbbing hole. Oh, God, he's huge. Jungkook's cock might just tear you apart. You shifted your hips forward, pressing against the cold marble of the bathroom counters door.

"I-i don't think, I can t-take it Jungkook, you're too b-big. It's my first-time, r-remember?” Your stuttering worse now, but you're scared.

Jungkook pulls your hips back with the hand the was grasping his length, the side of your hip now coated in his pre-cum. His hand lays flat in the crease of your back, forcing you into a perfect arch. 

"You can take it, all of it. And don't worry, of course, I remembered your fragility. I'll go slow, I promise." You plead silently with your eye contact through the mirror. 

"You ready?" You nod once an advert your eyes down to the sink.

Your mouth shakily falls agape as he slowly began pushing the head of his cock into you. It burns, but not as bad as you had anticipated. You take the chance to look back up into the mirror, adamant about giving Jungkook a thankful smile for his gentleness. That vision that greets looks like it jumped right off the page of your favorite erotic story. 

Jungkook's got his head thrown back, the edge of his t-shirt clenched tightly between his teeth, your eyes trail the drip of sweat that follows the curve of his jawline. You have a clear view of his abs all the way down to the v-cut of his hip, to the happy trail that leads to a neatly trimmed bush of pubic hair. You clench tightly around him, efficiently aroused by the view. You feel his cock throbbed heavily inside you, even getting bigger if possible.

"You like that, sweet girl? You like seeing me struggling to contain myself because you're so tightly around me. This little pussy trying to milk me for all I can give you." You love it. You feel powerful in a way. Do you really feel that good around him?

"Yes." Jungkook draws out the 'S.' 

"You feel amazing, so warm and wet. I wished you could see how coated in white you've got me, and I'm not even all the way in yet."

You scream soundless as he bucks into you, shoving in half of his length. It doesn't hurt anymore. You just feel stuffed full. Lifting a trembling hand, you take the chance a feel the lower part. You noticed swelling that wasn't there before, intrigued; you push down against it, moaning in shock you realize it's Jungkook's cock. 

"Yeah, baby girl, that's all me, well, most of me. You ready to take the rest?"

"Yes! Please!" That's the clearest you've been all night. You don't get an answer as Jungkook immediately picks up his pacing, thrusting into you faster. He wastes no time pumping deeply into your tight pussy, his tip smashing against the entrance to your cervix as you pant and grit your teeth in slight discomfort, overshadowed by pleasure. The burning sensation is back as he fucks in deeper with each brutal and swift stroke. But you don't care cause it still feels amazing. You can hear yourself, sloppy and soaking wet, echoing throughout the bathroom. You're drooling down his pistoning cock. You can feel it dripping down your inner thighs. Your head jerks violently against your shoulders, to weak support your head from his menacing thrust. 

Tightened vocal cords released strained shrieks of praise; from your mouth, drool dripping from your lips, into the sticky cleavage of your breast, and sweat coated your skin. The coil in your stomach was quickly tightening, never had you felt anything so deep inside you. If you ever had sex with anyone else, they would never compare to Jungkook.  You were fucked both figuratively and literally.

Jungkook pulled you further from off the sink, the new position allowing him even deeper. You clawed at the marble tops underneath your fingers, your eyes rolling in the back of your head. That sensation of having to pee is back again.

"J-K, I-m. I have to-," You don't get to finish as the band in your stomach snapped. Silently you announced your release; if it wasn't for the new wave of cum coating his cock, or the fluttering tightness of your walls, Jungkook might have missed your orgasm. He wasn't far behind you. The constant clenching of your ridged walls around his cock, had him reaching his limit sooner than he would like. Jungkook had half a mind to pull out but decided to gamble his odds. You're the first person he's fucked raw in a while, and with three deep thrusts later, he was shooting his hot seed right against your cervix. 

Breathing heavily, Jungkook lets you fall against the sink, observing as you crumpled against the sink countertop. Pride swelled his chest as he watched his seed bubble out of your well-used hole. He's never contemplated going farther with the virgins he fucked. He wouldn't make any hasty decisions now though there were still a lot of things he wanted to do with you. He would sleep on it and revisit the idea in the morning.

"So would you say, Operation: Pop Your Cherry was a success?"

You giggled, winded, still having difficulty catching your breath. You straighten up against the bathroom counter, the majority of your weight still resting on the object as you had yet to regain the feeling in your legs.

"Jimin and his stupid code names. I swear when I get a hold ass, he's dead." You warned already preparing your revenge on your best friend. You stare at Jungkook in the eyes through the mirror, smile a bit goofy, you say.

"Operation: Pop My Cherry. Mission complete."

[herbirdglitter]

Friends, Romans, countrymen, I’ve reached 200 followers. Are most of these either dead blogs or bots? shhhhh. In celebration, I will be doing a q&a, except I will be both asking and answering the questions I only assume people have about me

Question: Are you really as pretty as they say?

Answer: It’s difficult to say. My glasses don’t fit my face but if I take them off I can’t see. Perhaps we’ll never know. 

Question: Why the hell do you post so much and do you ever sleep?

Answer: you know the funny thing is, I was barely on Tumblr for about three years. I recall making a tumblr so that I could look at Obitine and Agents of Shield content in about 2017. Then I got an Instagram and began primarily consuming fandom content on there until a certain day in the month of November 2020. 

It was election week in one of the most pivotal elections the USA has ever seen. Nevada was taking six million years to count the votes, and CNN had nothing new to report for hours on end. Having exhausted my interest in Instagram, I opened Tumblr for the first time in years. And here we are, almost three years later. I read fanfiction and reblog content for a show I haven’t seen, and I now have a Redwall blog. 

TL;DR it’s the fault of destiel and I’m sorry. I do sleep sometimes.

Question: are you clinically insane?

Answer: not that I know of

Question: why don’t you ever learn to use the queue feature? 

Answer: because then you’d never get a break from my reblogging and then where would we be? plus I’m lazy

Question: how did you figure out you were aroace?

answer: Short version is, I read a tumblr post describing how asexuality presented in real life, had an “oh fuck” and “thank god” moment, realised I was probably aromantic as well given that I had never felt one ounce of sexual or romantic attraction, but the aromanticism took me a couple more months to come to terms with. 

Question: do you even have a life? because it feels like you spend all your time on here...

Answer: no but I do have hobbies. I make myself historically inspired clothes, I recently taught myself how to mend socks, and recently I have been combing through my childhood favorite books and annotating the potential gay bits. It worked to well and now I’ll have to write my own fanfiction for it because no one else seems to realize the tragic brilliance of a certain otter/mouse romance  

Question: what do you look like? 

Answer: a lesbian history teacher. a tall one. in heels. I am both thick with fat and with muscles, and aim to have hip length hair by the end of the year. We’re getting there. I have broad shoulders, and one of the two out of seven children that didn’t need to get a five year braces plan. If I don’t work out my joints dislocate plus I have circulation issues which means i have to exercise. So I have muscles but not for a hot reason. 

[nightwishesworld]

Too Much to Drink

Requested by my dear friends on Tumblr. It was meant to be more flirty than fluffy, but oh well. I'm sure you guys will like it anyway.

*******************************************************************************************

Why the hell did I agree to this? You thought to yourself as you tipped your head back, shot glass pressed against your opened lips, face scrunching in disgust when the alcohol burned your throat. Your stomach lurched for a moment, while you slammed the thick shot glass down onto the island in the kitchen.

The girls giggled around you and one of them slapped you on the back with the force of a brick. It was a stupid decision, thought of by one and only Cassandra Dimitrescu. She thought it would be a great way for the four of you to bond by throwing back shots after a long day.

You being the fool that you are, agreed. Now here you are, six shots later, all riled up with possibly the most dangerous three women in Romania. You were starting to get way too drunk, too quickly.

“I can’t believe we haven’t killed you yet!” Daniela said way too loudly, dropping her bottle of “wine” to shatter on the ground.

Bela nods along, obviously the soberest of the sisters. “Mother would hang us by a silver chain if anything happened to her precious y/n.”

“She loves you so much,” Cassandra swoons. “It’s almost nauseating it’s so sweet.”

“I love her so much more. No one can ever take me from her. Unless there’s a bigger sexier vampire out there somewhere...”

“Don’t let Alcina hear you say that.” You heard a familiar, feminine voice come up behind you. “You’d break her poor heart.”

A round of giggles erupted as you chose to look up behind you instead of turning around. You could barely make out Alcina’s face behind her large chest. Your face quickly flushed, remembering how soft they felt under your touch.

Alcina sighs and shakes her head. “I take it this was your idea girls? How much have you had to drink?”

“Too many.” One of the vampires laughed, leaning her body into the island, face down on the granite top. “She’s fun. We like her.”

“Oh good,” Alcina’s tone drips sarcasm. “And it only took you inebriating her to find that out.” Her nails threaded themselves into your hair and started massaging your scalp.

“Looks like our fun is over,” Cassandra giggles. All three girls disappear into moth swarms, their giggles echoing down the corridors.

Alcina gripped your head tenderly and tilted it back up so you were looking at her. She appeared more relaxed now that it was just the two of you, no longer in “mom mode.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Too much fun.” You sigh, closing your eyes when her hand brushes over the back of your head. “I think I’m getting drunk?”

“Getting? My love, I think you’re already there.”

You shook your buzzing head, nuzzling as close as you could. “Mm-not. We didn’t even have that much to drink.”

Alcina chuckled. “Yes, clearly. Someone went through an entire rack of Sanguis Virgini.”

“Doesn’t mean it was me! That’s a vampy drink I can’t have that.”

She shoots you an amused smile and tousles your hair. “You’re lucky you’re so cute, do you know that?”

“I love them, Al!” You giggled, wrapping your arms around her and laying your head against her warm thigh. “Just like I love you.”

“I love you too, porumbel mic.”

“You’re so wonderful, Alci. I love you so much.”

“Okay, Y/n.” Alcina laughed, rolling her eyes with a blush. “Let’s go to bed.”

“Only if you’ll join me.”

Alcina laughs as she picks you up gently, making sure the sudden movement isn’t making you nauseous. “We’ve been sharing a bed for some time now, Love. Why on Satan’s scorched earth would I stop tonight?”

You laugh at her words and nestle yourself comfortably against her chest. You shifted, sliding your arms up and around her neck to keep yourself securely wrapped in her arms. She would never drop you, never in a million years, but the action did make you feel safer as the room started to spin. You watched the movement of her pink lips as she cracked a small smile, imagining the way that they moved against your own when she kisses you.

Another rush of warmth shot through your veins, and you bit your lip. She is so attractive. God you love this woman. This perfect, beautiful vampire goddess.

“I love you.” You murmured when she looked down at you, after opening the doors to your shared bedroom. You felt tears well up in your eyes.

“Darling.” She shifted your body to one arm so she could cup your face with her free hand. “I love you too, porumbel mic.”

“I’m not a dove,” you slur. “I just really love you, ok?”

“Come on.” She laughed, carrying you straight out to the balcony. Fresh air always helped you feel better. With her free hand, Alcina dragged the seat from her vanity out with her and placed it strategically so she could lean back against the stone. She sat down and propped you into her lap. “Why are you crying?”

“Be-because you’re the best partner in the world and I love you.” You sniffed, snuggling up under her arms. You felt tears fall from your eyes, leaving cold trails down your flushed cheeks. “I think I’m drunk.”

Alcina chose to ignore the statement. “I love you, too, sweetheart. ”Tu ești lumea mea.”

The sentiment only makes you tear up more. “How can I be your world if I’m just...me? I’m not special like you or the girls. Even Heisenberg can turn into a damn dog.”

“Porumbel mic,” her lips brushed against your temple, curled up in a small smile. “I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”

You giggled, turning your head so you could press a sloppy kiss against the underside of her jaw.

“You are the best thing that has ever walked through the castle doors. Please don’t think otherwise, porumbel mic.”

You hid in her neck, lips brushing against her neck as you continued to slur. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me in the history of ever.”

Alcina pulled you away so she could look at your face – using her thumbs to wipe away any trace of tears. “What have I done to deserve such praise?”

She leaned forward, chastely pressing her soft lips against yours for a moment. She pulled back quickly, leaving a tingle on your lips as her forehead pressed against yours.

Oh, god…

Oh fuck….

You pulled away as quick as you could and stumbled off her lap and towards the edge of the balcony. You barely made it before emptying the contents of your stomach all over the gardens below.

“Fuck, y/n. How many drinks did you have?” She asked, brushing her hand up and down your back as you dry heaved.

“I...I don’t know. Victoria gave me tequila.”

“Alright, let’s get you to bed.” She sighed, wrapping her arm around your shoulders and dragging you back inside. “You can change into your pajamas and shower in the morning when I know you won’t slip and crack your head open.”

You pulled the covers back on your side of the bed and watched as Alcina moved to get into hers. She adjusted herself comfortably and opened her arms for you to cuddle. You happily obliged.

“You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow.”

You hum against her chest, peppering kisses on her breasts. “You’ll take care of me, right?”

“Of course, porumbel mic. Now go to sleep, you’ll need it.”

[anastoundingmango]

Good god anon let me study you.

When I first saw this ask I thought, “Oh, niche interest ask with fetish undertones. Weird champ but okay.” I even made fun of it on discord.

However, my curiosity had been stirred. I looked it up. And this is where things get interesting.

The first result on the search page was for fanart. On a tumblr blog. Fanart responding to this exact same ask. (Note: I use the DuckDuckGo search engine, so the first result may be different to other searches.)

There are six results that lead to tumblr drawings based off requests within the first two rows alone.

I thought, thats weird. So I clicked on the first fanart and the post is from fucking June 20th, 2018, almost three years ago. The question had the exact same phrasing.

(Link To Post)

I needed to know, how far back did this go? How expansive was this?

The likelihood of two questions that intricate being the exact same are extremely slim, especially for this niche of a character and complex of a question.

“Oh Yeah Cartoons!” Was run on Nickelodeon from 1998 to 2001, with reruns going from 2002 to 2007 on Nickelodeon, and reruns on Nick Toons going from 2002 to 2019. It only had 34 episodes. Herb, the man himself, was only in the second segment of episode 23, an episode that aired on November 20, 1999.

So, I pull tumblr back up.

I went into the tumblr search bar and typed “herb oh yeah cartoons”.

There were 104 posts in the search, 96 responding to this exact same anon, the earliest being from August 26th, 2016. Five years ago.

(Link To Post)

What the fuck. This anon has been sending the exact same ask for 5 years, about a one off character from a show from the late 90s and early 2000s.

Also special shout out to one of my favorite posts responding to it:

Anon is nothing if not committed, the “I’ve told you three times” is so comedic kafhakfjhekaj

So, of course, I did some graphing! Remember, these are only the ones that people have posted publicly. We have no idea how many have been deleted, trashed or ignored.

This is the timeline of the posts:

And here is the year frequency:

(My personal theory as to the spike in 2020 is that older years’ asks/art of this may have been deleted.)

So, anon, who are you? Why have you been, for almost 5 years, been sending the exact same question to so many blogs? Are you a bot? If so, what’s your purpose?

I have three theories: 

You are an extremely dedicated person with a niche interest who just really wants fanart of this character.

You are a bot meant to spam and troll people with requests open.

You are a bot meant to send an ask to people with posts about open requests as a way to give starting artists requests where they might not be getting them.

Any way this goes, I must praise your dedication. If you, or the creator behind this potential bot, wants to give me insight please DM me. I just want to know why you do this, you magnificently twisted creature.

If anyone reading this post has any information regarding Herb Anon, or has been a victim of Herb Anon, please fill out this form:

Herb Anon Form Link

[fruitcoops]

I was watching this video w Megan Rapinoe & Sue Bird (tumblr won’t let me link but it’s from 2 days ago on GQ- they ask each other questions but it’s like quiz style?) and didn’t know if you would want to do something similar for coops? Some of the stuff they said/how they acted reminded me of coops’ dynamic

Anon, this video was the perfect way to spend an evening. Both these women are my role models and they’re unbelievably cute together--go check out the video here if you have the chance! Their dynamic is a lot like how I imagine Coops, too! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove!

“Hey, Lions, we’re back!” Sirius waved at the camera and tapped a short stack on notecards on his thighs. “I’m Captain Sirius Black of the Gryffindor Lions and I’m here with my fiancé, Remus Lupin, to do another couple game.”

“The response to our last few interviews was incredible and we had a great time,” Remus continued. “Miss Marlene McKinnon was kind enough to drag us back in here to answer even more questions!”

“Do you want to go first?”

“Sure.” Remus cleared his throat and pulled the first card. “What are my parents’ first names?”

“Hope and Lyall.”

“Easy peasy, lemon squeezy. What’s my hidden talent?”

“You can sing.”

“Does that count? I feel like most people know that now.”

“Hmm.” Sirius thought for a moment, drumming his fingers on his knees. “You can cook really well.”

“Thank you, baby. What’s my favorite accessory?”

Sirius brightened. “Your watch!”

“Yes!” Remus held it up to the camera—it was simple and elegant, with a leather band and a small face. He wore it with the clock against the inside of his wrist, just above his pulse point. “What is my dream travel destination or vacation?”

“Oh, that’s tough.” Sirius bit his lip in thought. “Seattle? Paris?”

“I do want to go to Seattle, but I’ve always wanted to go to Montreal,” Remus said. “You’ve seen my hometown, but I’ve never been to yours.”

Sirius frowned. “Really?”

“Really. What am I most afraid of?”

“I think…I think you’re most afraid of not being useful,” Sirius said after a moment. “For six years, your job was all about helping people, and it’s not now.”

Remus raised his eyebrows at the camera. “I was going to say the dentist’s office. Goddamn.”

“Sorry,” Sirius laughed. “Yeah, you don’t like medical facilities.”

“I mean, you weren’t wrong about the useful thing,” Remus said. “You still get a point for that. What’s my favorite music, song, or artist to listen to before a game?”

“You don’t have one.”

“That was quick. Half a bonus point for speed. When was our first date and what did we do?”

“Our first official date was just after All-Stars and we went to Sid’s, but we had been together for about three months at that point and just hung out at each other’s houses.”

Remus grinned. “Do you remember what day it was?”

“January 28th.” Sirius gave him a look. “I know for a fact you don’t know what day it was.”

“January 28th.”

“You only know that because I just said it!” Sirius smacked him playfully with his cards. “Next question.”

“What’s my favorite movie and TV show?”

“Jurassic Park and Avatar: The Last Airbender.”

He whistled the first part of the theme song as Sirius did the hand motions. “What’s my shoe size?”

“Oh, god,” Sirius muttered, staring down at the floor. “Eleven? Eleven and a half? You have smaller feet than I do, but not by much.”

“I’m a size ten.”

“Are you really?”

Remus pulled one sneaker off and handed it to him with a laugh. “Check for yourself. Oh, I’d love to know the answer to this one. How do you know when I’m mad at you?”

Sirius tossed his shoe back with a snort. “You make faces.”

Remus seemed surprised. “Do I?”

“Yeah. You’ve got a very expressive face and the second you’re pissed, it’s written all over it. It’s like—” Sirius pursed his lips and scrunched his nose slightly. “I can’t really do it, but anytime I see that I’m like, ‘oh, shit, what did I do?’ Also, you stop calling me baby.”

“That’s what I was going to say. What’s my favorite city to play in?”

“Not Florida.”

“Not fucking Florida,” Remus agreed with a grin.

“Gryffindor for sure.”

“Where was I born?” He gave Sirius a teasing look. “Do you know this time, or should I get my mom on the line?”

Sirius stuck his tongue out. “Madison, Wisconsin.”

Remus glanced at the camera. “We got asked this question in an interview a few months ago and he had to call my mom afterward because he forgot.”

“She made fun of me the whole time,” Sirius pouted.

“What is my favorite food? Oh, you’ll get this one for sure.” Sirius hesitated and Remus’ eyes widened. “Really?”

“I’m a little torn. It’s either my grilled cheese or your dad’s turkey-cranberry thing. Actually, I don’t think you know what your favorite food is.”

Remus nodded slowly. “That’s a really good point. My first thought was grilled cheese, but my dad makes the best postgame sandwiches. I’ll give you that. What’s my favorite hobby?”

“Reading.”

“What did I want to be when I was a kid?”

“A librarian, until you started playing hockey.”

Remus leaned over and high-fived him. “You’re on a roll, baby. What was my jersey number in college?”

“Number six.”

“The transition was so fucking easy,” Remus laughed. “Coach literally came up to me a month before practices started and went ‘hey, what was your old number?’ and I told him, and he looked down at his clipboard and went, ‘cool.’. I got my jersey two weeks later.”

“Is this your last question?”

“It is, indeed. What’s my full birth name?”

“Remus Jehosephat Lupin.”

“That is incorrect.”

“Close enough. It’s Remus John Lupin, which I find endlessly funny.”

“Why is it funny?” Marlene asked off-screen. Remus hid his face behind his notecards as Sirius laughed.

“Because it’s such a basic middle name! I love Hope and Lyall with my entire heart and they’re wonderful people, but they named their sons Remus and Julian and then I think they got stuck. Like, you’ve got these two very uncommon first names and they sort of went ‘fuck it. John and Michael. We’re done.’ It’s just so funny.”

“Whereas your parents went the extra mile and gave you and Reg goddamn supervillain names,” Remus snorted. “The drama of it all, my god.”

“Alright, alright, my turn.” Sirius leaned his elbows on his knees. “What is my favorite color?”

“Blue.”

“How do I like my coffee?”

Remus hissed between his teeth. “Ah, shit, you always make the coffee. With a lot of sugar, right? It’s black with sugar?”

“It can’t be black if it has sugar in it,” Sirius laughed. “But yes, I do put sugar in my coffee. What are three things I never leave the house without?”

“Keys, wallet, phone.”

“My favorite TV show?”

“Why are you going through these so fast? Uh, Avatar.”

“Did I ever have a job that wasn’t playing hockey?”

“Nope.” Remus frowned. “Were you allowed to get a job as a kid?”

“I was not. What’s my favorite ice cream flavor?”

“Cookies and cream.”

Sirius made a buzzer noise. “Incorrect.”

“Is it chocolate?”

“Yep. You get half a point for that. What’s the first meal I ever cooked for you?”

Remus gave him a look. “You don’t remember what you cooked for me, do you?”

“Refresh my memory?”

“No way!” He punched him lightly on the arm. “I’m not falling for my own tricks. Next question.”

“It’s kind of a repeat from earlier. How do you know when I’m mad at you?”

Remus fiddled with the edges of his cards. “You act all weird and Captain-y, and then you get quiet. Just cranky vibes all around.”

“Cranky vibes,” Sirius laughed. “Good to know. What are my favorite movie-watching snacks?”

“Popcorn and…Sweet Tarts?”

“Yes!” Sirius gave him a high-five. “Do you know what I like on my popcorn?”

“Butter and enough salt to kill a Victorian child.”

“Bonus point! What is—oh, shit!” He nearly fumbled the cards onto the floor. “What is my favorite movie of all time?”

“Indiana Jones.”

“Which one?”

“The one with Marian, because she reminds you of me.” Remus looked over at the camera. “I really don’t like snakes.”

“What is the first thing I do when I wake up in the morning?”

“Oh, I think this requires a demonstration. C’mere.”

“Does it really?” Sirius sighed as he laid down next to him.

“For sure.” Remus cuddled into his side and laid his head on his shoulder. “Alright, the key to a true Sirius Black wake-up is getting all four limbs wrapped around the other person like you’re trying to suffocate them with affection.”

“Okay—”

“And then,” Remus continued with a grin. “I go, ‘honey, wake up’—”

“You absolutely do not.”

“In my head, that’s what I say. It’s very sweet. To answer the question, the first thing Sirius does is this.” He buried his face in Sirius’ chest and groaned loudly, then dissolved into snickering as Sirius’ chest began to shake with suppressed laughter. “Stop it, you’re ruining the demonstration!”

“You forgot the part where I have to peel you off me with pliers and grease,” Sirius teased as they stood up, dusting themselves off. The camera crew applauded and they both bowed. “Alright, where were we? What am I most scared of?”

“Losing your friends and family,” Remus said. “Also, spiders and most bugs.”

“You forgot one.”

“Which one? The dish soap bubbles?”

“Losing you.”

A vibrant blush tinted Remus’ cheeks and ears, and he floundered for words. “Oh.”

“You still get the points, though,” Sirius said mildly. “What city do I like playing in the most?”

Remus paused for a moment longer, then shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Uh, Gryffindor. You like the crowd.”

“I do.” Sirius smiled at the camera. “To all the fans out there: you are incredible and there is nothing like skating out with everybody roaring so loud the windows shake. Who is my biggest hockey influence?”

“Now, or when you were younger?”

“Now.”

“It’s Dumo, right?”

Sirius nodded. “On and off the ice. What’s my proudest career moment?”

“Hmm, I wonder,” Remus said sarcastically. “Could it possibly be winning the Stanley Cup?”

“Just maybe,” Sirius laughed. “What’s my most famous celly, and which one’s my favorite?”

Remus grinned. “Lightning McQueen.”

“I hate it when you call it that.” Despite his words, Sirius was smiling. “It’s supposed to be cool!”

“Can you elaborate?” Marlene asked.

“I mean, most people who have seen him play know what I’m talking about,” Remus said, gesturing to the camera. “But Sirius’ famous celly is a double fist pump, and I call it the Lightning McQueen because it’s like ka-chow! It’s also his favorite one, though he dances when we’re skating alone or with a couple of the guys.”

“Shhh, they aren’t supposed to know that!” Sirius covered Remus’ mouth with his notecard. “This is the very last one. What is my biggest pet peeve?”

“When I leave my socks laying around the house.”

“Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner! That drives me fucking bonkers. Marley, who won?”

“It wasn’t a competition,” she said off-screen. “Just a Q & A.”

“Who got the most right?” Remus asked.

“You two are hopeless,” she muttered. There were a few beats of silence. “Remus won, with sixteen and a half out of seventeen. Sirius, you had fifteen and a half.”

“No.” Sirius groaned and dropped his head into his hands as Remus whooped.

“Hell yes!”

“My bonus points let you win.” He shook his head in disbelief. “I can’t believe this.”

Remus faced the camera with a victorious smile. “Thanks for joining us to witness my landslide victory—”

“It was one point.”

“And make sure to like and subscribe for more Lion Pride content! See you around, Lions.” They both mock-saluted, and the video ended.

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 291: The Endeavor Pamphlet

Previously on BnHA: Dabi showed up atop Gigantomachia’s back and was all “you’ll never guess who I really am!” and the readers humored him and were all “who?” and he was all “TODOROKI TOUYA” and we were all “WOW └(・。・)┘ OH MY GOSH I WOULD NEVER HAVE GUESSED”, except for Shouto and Enji who were GENUINELY SHOCKED. Anyway so Touya was all “and guess what I’m doing right now!” and before anyone could even try, he was all, “STREAMING MY EMMY-NOMINATED MINISERIES ‘HELLO, I’M EVIL BUT ALSO TRAGIC AND SEXY, NOW LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT MY DAD WHO SUCKS’’, THAT’S WHAT.” And everyone was all “oh my god” and Touya was all “ヽ(⌐■_■)ノ♪” for basically the rest of the chapter, and that’s pretty much it! Oh, wait, except for the part where he also doused himself in bleach in a fit of pure theatrics, which is actually pretty much the main takeaway from the entire chapter really because it was just wild af. ANYWAYS.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi introduces Baby Touya, the world’s most enchantingly sweet character, and is immediately all, “I sure can’t wait to tell you guys all about how his fucking jaw burnt off.” Thankfully he doesn’t (YET), and we cut back to the present pretty quickly, where Dabi explains how he took all of his brain cells that should have been used to stop him from pouring bleach over his head, and instead put them all toward his big brain plot of releasing an elaborate video detailing Endeavor’s various abuses and crimes, and even throwing Hawks under the bus as well because WHY NOT. He then leaps off of Gigantomachia’s back (like I said, no brain cells) all set to blast them with a Prominence Burn, only to be stopped by none other than THE LEGEND HIMSELF, MOTHERFUCKING BEST, PRETTIEST, NICEST, MOST OUTSTANDING MOTHERFUCKING JEANIST. Who’s no doubt outraged by the crime against hair he witnessed only moments earlier. GO GETTIM JEANY BOI.

so I haven’t had time to answer any of them because this has been the stupidest week, but I just wanted to tell you guys that I received no fewer than nine asks about Dabi’s hair. which, in a week filled with election memes and tumblr’s most cursed fandom briefly rising back up from the dead, is a pretty impressive feat for him if you ask me. like, I know I was making fun of it basically nonstop, but it sure did generate a lot of discussion so maybe I should rethink my opinions on Dabi’s PR strategies now, idk

anyway. it’s Saturday. time to catch up on this shit. let’s see how fucked the Todorokis are

OH NO HE’S CUTE

HOLY SHIT THIS IS TOO MUCH TO FUCKING PROCESS. I’M JUST TRYING TO ENJOY MY DAY HORIKOSHI, ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO TRAUMATIZE THIS POOR CHILD RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY SALAD

“thanks for being all right” the fuck

who allowed this child to be so cute. I’m serious. who signed off on this

how could a child this adorable possibly want to murder his equally adorable baby brother. please, your honor. there must be some mistake here

guess how prepared I am to read all about Touya’s tragic past. mm. that’s right. zero ready. none ready

anyway. TWO THOUSAND DEGREES LOLOLOL. NO TRACE OF A CORPSE HOW CONVENIENT. A PIECE OF HIS LOWER JAW BONE FFFFMSGHKLSh. LOVELY. LOVELY

LMAOOOOO

listen you guys. I just want to take a moment to appreciate that Horikoshi Kouhei did one of two things here. either (1) he planned it out FROM THE VERY START that Touya would be born with red hair Because Fire Powers, but would then have his hair turn white due to trauma, thus making the Dabi/Touya connection very slightly less obvious, although Let’s Be Real Who Are We Kidding. OR, (2) the anime got it wrong and gave him red hair, and rather than allowing this plot hole to continue to exist, Horikoshi took it upon himself to concoct this elaborate storyline and pretend it was never a plot hole at all! in which case I sure hope someone at Bones is sending him a VERY nice Christmas card this year. got this man sweeping up all your messes for you. you’re just lucky he has some sort of wild compulsion to address these things

anyways!!

FATHER AND SON. how sweet. :| still zero percent ready for any of this btw

STOP BEING CUTE

THIS IS RIDICULOUS. I’M SO MAD RIGHT NOW. HE IS THE SINGLE CUTEST CHARACTER IN THE ENTIRE SERIES, and do you even know how many other baby characters I’m betraying in order to say that?! baby Kacchan, baby Deku, baby Ochako, baby Shouto, Eri, baby Hawks. I’M LOOKING YOU DEAD IN THE EYE RIGHT NOW AND TELLING YOU THAT BABY TOUYA IS CUTER THAN ALL OF THOSE PLEBS. AND YOU’RE LOOKING BACK AT ME RIGHT NOW ALL “YEAH IT SURE IS A PITY ABOUT HIS JAW MELTING OFF THOUGH.” THAT’S IT, I QUIT THE SERIES

and Enji’s smiling at him. he’s so proud of him. but then Touya won’t be able to do it, and Enji’s gonna stop training him, and Touya’s gonna feel like a failure and keep pushing himself in order to try and win his dad’s affections back, because that’s all kids fucking want, all they want is just love, that’s fucking it, you couldn’t just give him that?? and then he’s gonna immolate himself fflkdlskfh THERE YOU SEE HORIKOSHI, I KNOW THE WHOLE STORY ALREADY, YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO THE WHOLE “SHOW THEM THE DEAD DOG” THING YET AGAIN YOU PIECE OF SHIT

OH SNAP THERE GOES THE TWIN THEORY. R.I.P.

BABY FUYUMI. PRETTY CUTE. NOT AS CUTE AS TOUYA THOUGH. HEY LOOK, NO REASON TO GET MAD AT ME I’M JUST STATING A FACT HERE

YEAH THIS IS GONNA GO REAL WELL OH BOY

I keep pressing the emergency stop button but this industrial tragedy machine just keeps on chugging along anyway, I’m pretty sure this thing is not up to code

:| I am so sorry sweet boy, Horikoshi is only getting started with you

FUCKING HELL WITH THIS NARRATION

but he wasn’t actually a child to you, he was just a little puppet child for you to live vicariously through!! and then you went and did the same fucking thing with Shouto afterwards and never learned your lesson until just six months ago!! fucking hell, Enji

so now he’s all “Touya is dead, that’s an unforgivable lie” fflkdhflk motherfucker does he look dead to you. if you really think that, tumblr and twitter have got a little over five years’ worth of archived theory posts to show you

oh shit Touya’s countering with “it’s an unforgivable truth”, which, damn. I actually think Horikoshi’s dialogue is one of his weaker points as a writer a lot of the time, but that comeback was snappy as fuck

actually guys, now that I’ve seen how ridiculously fucking cute baby!Touya was, I can almost understand why Shouto and Enji never put the pieces together before lol. any passing similarities would have easily been dismissed on account of he’d need to be at least 10x more adorable in order to get the full resemblance

OH MY GOD

NOW YOU SLEEP??? SO YOU POINT BLANK REFUSED TO PASS OUT WHILE YOU WERE BUSY MAIMING ALL OF MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS, BUT NOW THAT THERE’S AN OPPORTUNITY TO SEE YOUR REACTION TO THE “YOUR LIEUTENANT WAS SECRETLY RELATED TO ONE OF YOUR WORST ENEMIES THE WHOLE TIME” BOMBSHELL, YOU FINALLY DECIDE TO GET YOUR FORTY WINKS. I SEE

WOW DABI

I’M SURPRISED YOU DIDN’T ALREADY HAVE YOUR ANCESTRY.COM RESULTS PRINTOUT READY TO FOLD INTO A PAPER AIRPLANE AND ZOOM ON DOWN TO HIM

LOL NEVERMIND

gotta say, so far The Endeavor Pamphlet is just about as spicy as I could have hoped

(ETA: Natsuo’s face as he watches his beloved dead brother come back to life only to literally and metaphorically set everything on fire in one fell swoop is :/. why must you do this to me Natsu. can’t you see I’m trying to throw a Welcome Back Jeanist party here.)

HAVE YOU READ THIS?! TODOROKI ENJI ABUSED HIS OWN HEIR, AND DABI WROTE IT DOWN RIGHT THERE

WELL HE’S NEVER GON’ BE NUMBER ONE NOW / NEVER GON’ BE NUMBER ONE NOW / THAT’S ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT / THAT’S ONE LESS THING TO WORRY ABOUT

btw I neglected to mention this last week, but yes I do recognize and appreciate that this is Can’t Ya See-kun himself whom Horikoshi has chosen to be the face of this existential crisis which the general public is about to experience. rip CYS-kun

OOF

excuse me. putting aside the implications of Dabi sharing this context-less murder video of Hawks with the entire world for a moment, I just have to pause for a sec here, because when exactly did he get a chance to edit this all in?? complete with voiceover that seamlessly ties in with the prerecorded footage of him with DNA test results sans shirt?? you’re telling me this motherfucker, with all the smoke that was in the room thanks to his own quirk, somehow got a PERFECT SHOT of the PRECISE MOMENT when Hawks drove his feather knife into Jin’s back, using his MAGIC CAMERA THAT HE I GUESS HAD THE ENTIRE TIME IN THE POUCH RIGHT NEXT TO HIS BLEACH BOTTLE, and then immediately somehow got this very next shot as well FROM AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT ANGLE

ALL THE WHILE IMMEDIATELY RUNNING THROUGH SCRIPT REVISIONS IN HIS HEAD, WHICH HE THEN PROCEEDED TO RECORD... WHERE, EXACTLY?? WITH SKEPTIC, WHILST RIDING ON MACHIA’S BACK??

AND THIS IS ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF???

and this after I just wrote that whole long paragraph positively GLOWING about this man’s ability to plug up a plot hole. jfc. just scratch out every damn word I said lol. just forget all of it

are you fucking kidding me, the footage was from the cameras Skeptic planted on Hawks??

that’s... actually... okay you know what, it still doesn’t make any sense in the slightest, but the determination to address it nonetheless... just, dammit... I feel like I’m constantly at war with myself over whether or not I want to shake this man’s hand or slap him lmao. whatever, then!!

anyway, since Shouto and Enji can’t actually see the damage that Touya is dealing to the hero industry even as they speak, Touya is taking it upon himself to give them the highlights

I think it’s a testament to how much Endeavor cares about Hawks that he managed to zero in on that comment even amidst all the craziness of his eldest son returning from the dead to announce how he’s been carefully plotting their destruction for years and years. like, he heard “Hawks” and his face immediately went like that. you think he’s worried that Dabi did something to him? because he’d be right to worry lol

so the Endeavor Pamphlet narration is now explaining all about how Hawks totally killed the Number 3 Hero Best Jeanist as well! yep... he sure did... totally...

OH MY GOD WE’RE CUTTING TO HIM AHHHHH

Hawks, that is. lol. not Jeanist. NO, JUST MY POOR HALF-DEAD WINGLESS BABY SON

NOOOOO HIS LITTLE WING STUMPS. BUT SOMEHOW HIS FACIAL HAIR IS STILL INTACT. OH TO BE AN ANIME PRETTY BOY BEING SET ON FIRE. “HEY, TAKE IT EASY, WATCH THE FACE”

EXCUSE ME WHAT

interesting! we suspected as much, I think, with the clues that Ending dropped, and the little flashback right after the name reveal. still not clear how Dabi found out about it though!

looooool okay here we go, breaking out the heavy-handed holier-than-thou shit now

you know, I do find it interesting how trying to model themselves after All Might’s noble Symbol of Peace image has kind of ended up being the heroes’ undoing here. like, I could write a whole essay on this, but what it basically boils down to is that they were all trying too hard to be perfect. All Might went out there and did his thing and was amazing, and so the powers-that-be built an entire system centered around this seemingly-infallible person, and they acted like the system was infallible as well. and so most of the population ended up becoming complacent over the years, and meanwhile the people who were unfortunate enough to fall through the cracks understandably wound up disillusioned and perceiving the heroes as these false idols

anyway, but I think one positive takeaway from this is that the new up-and-coming generation of heroes represent a breakaway from that system. like, imo what we’re witnessing is the downfall of the Perfect Hero, and the rise of the imperfect hero. and this new generation doesn’t shy away from their failures or pretend like they never happened. they pretty much can’t pretend, because their failures are all right out there in the open for everyone to see. Bakugou Katsuki, just to name one example off the top of my very biased head, has had his own personal character journey basically play out right in front of the media’s eyes. his humiliation at the sports festival, his kidnapping by the League, and all of the fallout afterward. this isn’t someone who can ever go out there and convince the world that he’s perfect. but what he can do, instead, is show the world that he’s trying. that he’s trying with everything he has to do his best, to be the best. rather than this untouchable godlike image, it’s instead the image of someone painfully human who is nonetheless striving with everything he’s got to keep moving forward, flaws and all, and work his way to the top

and ultimately I think that’s going to be a much more positive image to send out to the world when all’s said and done. because rather than merely inspiring awe, heroes like that inspire people to take action themselves. or at least that’s what I hope! and not just Bakugou, but the others as well. we’ve got Shouto, whose own personal trauma is being aired in front of the whole nation even as I sit here ranting. we’ve got Deku, who cries at the drop of a hat, and who fought to become a hero despite being quirkless (and I think it’s only a matter of time before that eventually becomes public knowledge as well). tl;dr because I’m getting way too long-winded here, but these kids have effectively been humanized in a way that the old generation never was, and I think that’ll go a long way towards building trust between them and the people they’ll someday be protecting, and inspiring the next generation in hopefully a much healthier way

anyway so where were we. ...oh yes, Dabi was explaining that heroes only protect themselves, and is presumably building up to his grand conclusion of “therefore you should all just let the villains take over and burn down the world”

omfg. YOU GUYS

DOES CAN’T YA SEE-KUN’S SHARK FRIEND ACTUALLY CALL HIM “CAN’T YA SEE-KUN.” HE HAS A NAME YOU KNOW!! UNLESS HE LEGALLY GOT HIS NAME CHANGED TO CAN’T YA SEE-KUN. OH MY GOD

ALSO, IS THAT CAN’T YA SEE-KUN CRYING IN THE BOTTOM RIGHT THERE OMG. GIVE THIS CHILD A HUG. EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING RIGHT NOW AND HUG HIM

BAKUGOU IS BARELY HANGING ON THERE LOL. GOTTA STAY CONSCIOUS... SO MUCH TEA BEING SPILLED... FOCUS... CONCENTRATE

IIDA’S ANGLING HIS HEAD IN A WEIRD WAY, LIKE DUDE. LOOKING SUSPICIOUSLY SNUGGLY THERE. MMM THESE IIDABAKU CRUMBS

HADOU IS ALL “WHAT EVEN IS ACTUALLY GOING ON” LMAO

LASTLY, POOR SHOUTO OMFG. WHEN YOU’RE ALL FINISHED HUGGING CYS-KUN THIS CHILD NEEDS YOUR ATTENTION!!

so now Dabi’s leaping off of this ninety-foot-tall gargoyle man like that’s a normal, smart thing to do. unless he can fly too now? saw his dad doing it back at Fukuoka and was all “hmm”

OH MY GOD SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT NOW WHAT WORD SHOUTO IS USING TO ADDRESS ENJI, THESE TRANSLATIONS LOVE TO MESS WITH MY HEAD

ENJI GET MOVING DO YOU NOT SEE THOSE TEARS!!! SNAP OUT OF IT YOU BIG TREE

AHHHHH

OH KACCHAN YOU WOKE UP A LITTLE MORE THERE, HUH

lol he and Deku both look so determined but they’re basically sitting ducks. their “oh shit” faces do look remarkably like their “TIME TO SWING INTO ACTION” faces but don’t be fooled, they have one good arm and about six pints of blood left between the two of them. looks like this one’s all on you Shouto

-- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH --

BAH GOD... WHAT’S GOING ON HERE... THAT’S BEST JEANIST’S MUSIC

y’all. can’t even talk right now, my brain has completely shut down lol. just. ...

  °˖✧◝(￣▿￣)◜✧˖°

[darter-blue]

Read it here on ao3

Or part one, two, three, four , five , six and seven on tumblr

Bucky

It’s a little like whiplash, one minute Bucky is in Steve’s arms, pressed against the elevator wall, getting his mind blown by Steve’s giant hands on his bare skin and his giant dick rutting into Bucky’s, hips rocking into Bucky’s, and the next minute there’s a crash and Steve is gripping Bucky tight and shielding him with his body.

Bucky could be mistaken, he is a little hungover, but it looks like Iron Man has just landed on the roof of their elevator. Presumably to save them from the terror of being trapped at the very high height between the first and second floor.

Except Iron Man - Tony Stark, even Bucky knows who Tony Stark is - is looking at them both with a very pleased expression and seems to be leering in at them through the service cover.

'Well well well,' Stark says, shaking his head, 'I leave you alone for five minutes.'

Bucky may be having a hullicinatory episode.

‘Tony, I mean,’ Steve looks down at Bucky, at the pink ‘groom’ t-shirt and the ring on his finger - down at his own much smaller, matching blue ‘Elvis said we do!’ t-shirt - and then back up at the superhero peering in at them. He steps back and carefully lowers Bucky to a standing position, but keeps one giant hand on his waist. ‘I guess this is actually exactly what it looks like.’

‘Oh I know,’ Stark says, boosting himself up by his rockets (wowowow, Bucky is four feet from the most advanced piece of mechanical engineering in the United States right now) and hovering through the hole and into the elevator, ‘it’s all over twitter, genius.’

‘Oh shit,’ Bucky says, ripping the phone he had put on silent (because fucking Darcy would not stop texting him) and sees way too many missed calls from his sister. One from his mother.

The texts from Darcy are still rolling in.

‘Twitter? You flew all the way here because a bunch of people twittered about this?’ Steve’s voice had dropped to a tone that Bucky doesn’t recognise but oh, he likes it.

‘Tweeted,’ Stark says, shaking his head.

Steve narrows his eyes, and the sweet open face that Bucky has been staring at all morning suddenly morphs into something much more menacing.

If Bucky hadn’t just come in his pants he'd be in trouble - as it is he can feel his heart rate picking up again at the effortless authority Steve is exuding. Okay fuck, now that’s he’s thinking about it, his dick is perking up and no, no, no. This is not the time.

Please do not let this situation get any more weird than it already is.

‘Tony, what are you doing here?’

Iron Man - looming huge in his suit in the tiny elevator - takes a small step back from Steve, and doesn’t seem confident when he answers, ‘Rescuing you?’

‘From what?’ Steve asks, ice cold.

‘From being stuck in a broken elevator?’

‘Bullshit,’ Steve says, less cold, more heat this time.

‘Uh, okay, look, full disclosure, I flew here in the quinjet to make sure that Thor hadn’t addled your brain with his god juice and left you to get yourself vegas married to a gold digger,’ he looks over at Bucky, whom Steve tightens his grip on, moving his body further between Stark and Bucky with zero subtlety, ‘seems like I maybe underestimated how literally you would take my advice to do something crazy.’

Steve is shaking his head in a sharp, hard, definitive no.

Bucky is letting him do all the talking, having a… not a great memory of what had gone down the night before (flashes of images, feelings, sounds. An overwhelming sense of comfort and happiness. Contentment… but no real basis from which those emotions have stemmed) and also this is Tony Stark, Iron Man… and Bucky isn't really sure what to do with that.

Just staying out of it seems like the wisest course.

Steve, in lieu of using his words, chooses to reach past Bucky and depress the emergency button.

‘Woah, hey!’ Stark says, grabbing at the wall as the elevator starts to move.

‘Don’t you have something rich and important you should be doing, Tony.’

‘Okay, I’m getting the impression that you’re not that happy to see me.’

‘Gee, you have some real keen observational skills,’ Steve snaps.

‘Look-’

‘With all due respect, Mister Stark-’ Bucky starts.

‘Mister Stark was my father kid,’;

‘Mister Iron Man,’ Bucky says, heavy on the sarcasm, ‘This has nothing to do with you.’

‘Listen Kid,’

‘Bucky,’ Steve corrects him.

‘Bucky?’

Bucky doesn’t bother to nod, he lets Steve’s glare do his talking.

‘That’s a name?’ Stark’s lip is raised in a grimace.

‘It’s a great name,’ Steve has his shoulders squared and his Jaw lifted and he looks suddenly one hundred percent a man not to be questioned.

Bucky can’t help the smile spreading across his face. Doesn’t even want to.

‘Steve, you can’t be serious about this.’

The elevator comes to a stop on their floor and Steve’s grip on Bucky loosens as the doors open.

‘Excuse us, Tony.’

‘Steven Grant Rogers you are trending. There’s photos of you in this ridiculous T-Shirt all over the internet. We need to do damage control!’

‘What’s wrong with his T-shirt?’ Bucky asks, hands on his hips as he lets Steve lead him out of the elevator with a gently hand on his lower back. ‘Are you being self righteous about Elvis, or about the fact that Steve married a guy?’

‘Hey now,’ Stark says from the elevator, ‘I’m mad that he didn’t know you yesterday and today you’ve got matching rings on your fingers.’

‘And?’

‘And that's… Not normal!’

Both Steve and Bucky turn around at Stark’s words.

‘When, Tony, in your entire life, have you ever aspired to be normal?’ Steve asks, standing to Bucky’s right and crossing his lovely arms over his very large chest.

Tony Stark has his mouth halfway open, his eyebrows pinching into a ‘v’ over his narrowed eyes, standing in the doorway of the elevator as the doors move in and out like a concertina at the obstruction.

‘Am I a grown man, Tony?’ Steve asks.

Stark rolls his eyes at the question.

‘Have I ever once interrupted you or questioned your life choices in the middle of a romantic interlude.’

‘Interlude? Steve, come on.’

‘Have. I. Ever?’

‘Okay, no-’

Bucky’s phone rings for the thousandth time - his mother again - and, as fascinating as it is to watch Tony Stark get his ass handed to him by a man that might really actually be Bucky’s husband - his husband - they probably do need to take a step into reality for a second.

‘Steve?’ he says, interrupting the argument and drawing both sets of eyes his way, ‘I think maybe we need to, maybe have a quick chat and ah… make some decisions?’

Steve’s face freezes, then smoothes out to as close an approximation to expressionless as Bucky has seen it all morning.

It looks wrong. It looks… like a mask.

Steve nods his head slowly, his shoulders creeping up before he forces them back down, taking a deep breath.

Stark starts talking before Steve can say a word, ‘I think that’s wise, Kid, I have some questions-’

‘Not you,’ Bucky says, shaking his head at Stark, ‘If we need you, we’ll call you, Mister Iron Man.’

Stark lifts a finger to point it at Bucky, his suit suddenly receding like magic and shrinking into a cuff on his wrist, ‘Listen-’

‘Give us some time please, Tony.’

Stark looks between Steve and Bucky and back again. He narrows his eyes at Steve and then nods once. ‘Okay. You have ten minutes.’

Steve glares at Stark again but doesn't protest. He turns away and leads Bucky the few steps back to his room and opens the door for him.

‘Should we… did you want to sit? Or…?’

‘We can sit,’ Bucky says, sinking down into the couch in the lounge area of the suite.

‘Are you… can I…’ Steve looks so lost as he takes a seat next to Bucky, mirroring Bucky’s slight angle, their knees facing towards each other.

‘I want to ask you something,’ Bucky says, palms on his thighs, swallowing awkwardly. Wishing he had a clean pair of pants to change into.

Steve just nods, his mask slipping further and further away as his face pales and he shrinks into himself.

‘How much of this is real?’

Steve’s face cracks, he winces, something like pain, and it cuts into Bucky. Slices at him. He doesn't know this man - at least… he doesn’t remember why he knows him, or how he knows him, but the pain on Steve’s face reaches in and pulls at something in Bucky and it hurts.

‘For me?’ Steve asks.

Bucky isn’t sure that’s what he was asking, but he nods, because he wants to know the answer regardless.

‘All of it,’ Steve whispers.

Bucky has to take a deep breath. Has to steal himself.

‘I want… I want it to be real for me too.’

Steve’s eyes snap up to Bucky’s.

‘I mean, it feels real.’ Bucky twists at the ring in his finger. Feels the texture of the metal, solid against his skin.

Real.

‘It feels like… not a mistake,’ Bucky says.

He’s trying and maybe failing to explain this right. But whatever he’s doing, it might be working, because Steve is staring at him, not breathing, not moving, but there’s colour back in his cheeks, and he starts leaning slowly closer and closer as Bucky continues.

‘I woke up and thought, you know, maybe I’d just gotten lucky enough to spend a night with the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life... and then,’ Bucky looks back down at his ring, ‘and then I saw this, and I thought… fuck. I thought I’d won the lottery maybe, or somehow dreamt my fantasies into reality. And you…’ Bucky looks back up at Steve and his eyes… His eyes are so cool and blue and limitless. Everything Bucky ever needed or wanted is reflected there back at him. ‘You feel like home to me.’

‘You feel like home to me too, Buck.’

‘And you… you want to stay married to me?’

Steve nods.

‘Even if it turns out I’m a complete disaster?’

‘Especially then’ Steve says, a smile spreading across his face, reaching his eyes, crinkling them at the corners.

‘No, I’m serious, I’m awful.’

Steve shakes his head and Bucky nods, emphatic.

‘No, listen, I’m a mess. My refrigerator is full of cheap beer and canned cheese, and one jar of twenty year old mayo.’

Steve is laughing but Bucky won’t have it, he needs Steve to understand the total dumpster fire that he has unwittingly attached himself to.

‘No, Steve, my bed is so covered in bike parts right now I’m sleeping on the floor.’

‘I sleep on the floor every night, Bucky.’ Steve has reached out and stopped Bucky’s hands flying through the air, is holding them, bringing them to rest against their knees between them.

‘You do?’

‘I do,’ Steve says, fond and sad all at once, ‘first time I’ve slept in a long time was here with you last night.’ He looks over at the rumpled sheets on the bed, the bed where Bucky and Steve woke up wrapped around each other.

It hits Bucky that, if they’re married, are they supposed to move in together? Where would they even live?

‘I live above my shop, Steve,’ Bucky says, panic making his voice squeak.

‘It’s not a problem, Bucky, we don’t have to work everything out all at once.’

‘But I… It’s like two rooms and a toilet.’

‘My apartment is just an empty space Shield gave me to live in because I had nowhere else to go.’

Bucky’s body is moving before his brain even realises. ‘Baby, no,’ he says, pulling one of his hands free and reaching up to cup Steve’s cheek, ‘your apartment is a shitty walk up over a bike mechanic with no space and the kitchen from hell.’ He runs his thumb over Steve’s perfect cheekbone. ‘We just need to move your stuff in.’

‘I’m a terrible cook anyway,’ Steve says, huffing a laugh.

‘See?’ Bucky says with an exaggerated sigh, leaning his head in to rest against Steve’s forehead, ‘it’s meant to be.’

‘I know you’re joking, but I honestly believe that.’

‘Who says I’m joking?’ Bucky smiles as Steve laughs. ‘So what do we need to do to get all this finalised? I’m gonna need to call my mother back at some stage.’

That snaps Steve into action, he sits up straight and pulls Bucky with him, so that Bucky is almost sitting in his lap.

‘We need to get the paperwork off Mavis, we need to get our stuff, and then I guess we need to figure out whether the license is even legal outside of the state of Nevada.’

‘Well,’ Bucky says, moving himself fully into Steve’s lap and swinging a leg over to straddle him, ‘I can think of one way to make it legal.’

‘You don’t have time for that!’ Stark yells from outside the door.

‘Goddamn it Tony!’ Steve yells back.

Bucky is laughing, he can’t help it. And Steve is laughing with him. Bucky’s head falls onto Steve’s shoulder and Steve rests his palm against the nape of Bucky’s neck. Safe and familiar and blanketing him in warmth. It feels like the kind of comfort that Bucky has spent his whole life searching for.

‘We better go.’

Bucky nods his head as much as the limited space will allow. They both pull away slowly, reluctantly. But they’re smiling now. The air around them is full of promise.

Happiness.

Even Tony Stark and his ugly tracksuit and his disapproving glare can’t dampen it.

‘Where now?’

‘To the chapel,’ Steve says, pulling Bucky along by the hand and smiling ridiculously wide.

‘To file for annulment?’

‘No Tony.’

‘To pick up the wedding album,’ Bucky says with a laugh. He’s not even sure where the thought came from, but it’s vivid, a hot pink vinyl album cover, Bucky can see it. It has to be a memory.

Steve is looking back at him and smiling, somehow, impossibly wider.

‘Jesus Christ on a cracker,’ Stark says, rolling his eyes, feet shuffling to keep up with them.

They all ride down the elevator together, Steve and Bucky practically glued at the hip and Stark shaking his head at them the entire way.

It’s objectively hilarious. Bucky is holding back his laughter, but the smirk is surely stuck fast to his face.

They make it to the Casino floor, wind their way through the mostly empty gaming rooms and dance floors to a familiar set of swinging doors under a garish ‘Wedding Chapel’ sign, where a strangely familiar man is leaning against the wall only to jump up and shout as he sees them approach.

'Cap!'

'Scott,' Steve replies, much more subdued.

'Hey, Bucky,' he says, looking Bucky's way, then doing a double take as he spots Tony Stark. 'Hey! Iron Man!'

'Who is this?' Stark asks, turning to Steve, 'Steven, who is this?'

'Hey, I'm Scott,' Scott says, reaching out a hand for Stark to shake, then pulling back with a shrug when Stark makes no move to accept it.

'Scott was our best man, Tony,' Steve says, smug and smiling.

Scott looks a little like he might faint at the title, but he pulls it together, nodding along like an excited puppy.

'Oh, Bucky, I sent you the video like you asked. And then I saw all the internet stuff this morning and I thought, well I just thought, you know… did you guys need anything? A getaway van? I don't know. I know a guy, you know?'

'We're okay,' Steve says, calm and relaxed in the face of Scott's exuberance. But Bucky’s too busy checking his phone to hear anymore.

A video.

Of the wedding.

He finds the text from Scott (whose contact info he must have entered as ‘Scott - Cap?’ last night). Opens the video file and watches it like a starving man staring through the windows of a restaurant as the images load and it starts to play.

He can feel Stark leaning over his shoulder but he doesn't care.

It's there. In colour.

Steve and Bucky, at the altar. Elvis between them, Scott filming from the side, a woman Bucky recognises - Mavis, his brain helpfully supplies - beautiful blonde beehive and rockabilly skirt and everyone is smiling. Laughing.

And Bucky remembers.

He remembers standing there next to Steve. Remembers reading his vows from a tiny scrap of pink paper, remembers Steve saying Bucky was his fate, sliding the ring onto his finger.

Bucky looks down at it now, touches it reverently. 'For we are but two halves,' he says, remembering the inscription, the way it had felt so perfect. He looks back up at Steve, who is watching Bucky, waiting for something, eyes shining. 'Together whole.'

And Steve crashes into him, clutches at Bucky, pulling him close and pressing their lips together.

'You remember,' he says between kisses, running his nose against Bucky’s nose, cupping his face in his hands, 'You remember.'

And Bucky just clutches him back. Kisses him back. Just as desperate, just as joyful. 'I remember everything, Steve-Steve Rogers.' He presses his hands against Steve’s chest. Against the beat of his heart. The most beautiful part of him. 'We danced together. We've been dancing together from the very beginning.'

'Always,' Steve says. Oblivious to their audience, to Scott's squeals and Stark's scoffs.

To the crowd gathering around them.

'Forever.' Bucky whispers it. Barely a word. But he knows Steve can hear it. Knows it will thrill him.

Means it, as crazy as that seems.

They both do.

And they have the rest of their lives to make it the truth.

[anthonycrowleymoved]

I know this is old discourse but in light of destiel becoming canon, what are your thoughts on neil gaiman not allowing Crowley and Aziraphale to be gay lovers? He said that they're angels, not men, so is that supposed to imply that they're not gay simply cuz they're non-binary (so they're asexual)? I just wanna know if they'e in love or not lol. I ship them so much.

yeah okay this is gonna have to be tagged neil discourse because thinking about this over a year later i’m still mad huh

so like. i know very well what he said at the time. he was basically like, and i’m paraphrasing but that’s because i simply do not care enough to give a direct quote but on twitter he was like ‘oh well angels don’t UNDERSTAND human concepts like GENDER and SEXUAL ATTRACTION so NO they’re NOT GAY’ and then someone was like ‘but they’re in love right?’ and he was like ‘of course.’ right? everyone agrees that’s what happened right after the show aired? and like, okay, i’m not going to begrudge people seeing this as representative of themselves if they’re nb and/or ace, that’s cool and fine, and you do you. i find it interesting that i saw a ton more criticism about it on here than on twitter, but that’s probably just more indicative of who i’m following and how much i’m on here than anything else. anyway.

let’s break this bullshit down and explain piece by piece why i think neil’s quote unquote representation in gomens is a hot garbage fire and why it kind of rubbed me the wrong way from the moment i saw it.

1. he posted it on twitter. he wrote the script and could have like, you know, put it into the show, if them being In Love was like, actually part of the story. he had the ability to do that. gomens was already going to piss off right wing groups because of how it treats religion, this wasn’t something i legitimately think amazon/the beeb would have just said ‘no’ to if neil was serious about it. mean, maybe that’s a bit far into conspiracy territory, but i truly believe if they really wanted to make azcrow canon the one person who could have managed getting a scene would have been the author/showrunner. and because he didn’t if you’re a casual viewer who’s not fucking following his goddamned twitter seeing gay representation is now a rorschach test

‘they don’t adhere to human ways of thinking about gender and sexuality’ MANY THOUGHTS HERE but let’s start with

2. i think hallie originally said this and neil i know you wrote the book but like. did you read the book neil. because i thought one of the main points of it was that aziraphale and crowley had effectively ‘gone native’ and saw themselves more like humans than like celestial beings. and they’d been on earth for all of human history. it’s a bad take i’m sorry i know he literally wrote it but like really. really.

3. look i’m nb and i’d love some nb rep. but that was not nb rep. those were two cis male actors playing (largely) male presenting characters with absolutely no in-text indications that they aren’t cis. there’s one (a few? god it’s been a minute since i watched the show) character referred to by singular ‘they’ and it’s not aziraphale or crowley. and like, look, i get that in real life there’s nb people who don’t go by gender neutral pronouns and that’s cool and fine because that’s what those people feel inside. but, like, this isn’t real life, it’s a tv show, and referring to male presenting characters as he/him and then occasionally putting them in feminine clothing isn’t representation because people who aren’t looking for that kind of representation aren’t going to see it, they’re going to see a joke about a man in a dress

4. and i’m not ace so i can’t speak on that, but i do remember at the time ace people being like ‘that....was not ace rep’ so like, make of that what you will. again, i’m not going to tell you you can’t see them as nb and/or ace, but like, i’m just asking you, was that really representation? like, was it? in your heart like, would you have been happy with that representation if neil didn’t tell you it was representation? because if you’re just starved for content, that’s FINE, you’re ALLOWED, all i’m asking you is to not praise the creator for doing fuck all.

5. ‘of course [they’re in love]’ again where??? where??? where is it neil. where is it in the actual text of the show. like there’s in text evidence that they love each other platonically and there’s lots of jokes made by other characters but like. i hate to say that but that’s it. i don’t know why this off the cusp response still makes my blood boil but boy does it

6. i don’t want to go looking for it because i’ve done that like six times but there’s a post on neil’s tumblr from before the show dropped about how there would be moments that people who ship it would be happy with but it wouldn’t become canon. you can look it up i swear he said that in like....december of 2018ish? something like that. which, again, is fine on its own, but combined with the fact that after he was like ‘lmao that’s what i was going for’......not my favorite look

what i’m saying is like, if he wanted to create an actual queer narrative he could have but he just like, chose not to and then when he realized he could have people watching his show just because they’re thirsty for representation that isn’t there i think he went ‘oh i’ll jk rowling this’ i don’t KNOW that that’s what happened but, like, that’s what it looks like to me.

i used to regularly refer to the “representation” in gomens as nu-queerbaiting, which i still like as a term, because to me it’s the person in charge (not the actors, usually, unless they have some say in the writing process) going, oh no they’re totally in love with each other totally trust me :) and then like, they’re not, not really, not to the people who like, watch the show but don’t fucking follow the author on twitter. and that’s. i’m sorry, that’s not canon to me.

and, to be honest, how this is presented honestly makes me more angry than if it was just maybe in-universe wink wink nudge nudge, because i’m USED to queerbaiting and i know that like, almost nothing ever ever ever comes of it and i get it and i like having fun anyways, so i deal. and like, i was a book fan before the show came out. the book was written in the late 80s, and i knew that it wasn’t going to be anywhere near as gay as the fandom has made that work for thirty goddamned years, and i was fine with that. like, going into it, i joked, but it was fine because it was a relatively faithful adaption of a book i like. i wasn’t looking for gay representation, even though i ship aziraphale and crowley.

but like, there was this wave of people who came looking for representation, and the show is so vague on that concept that they saw it, but it’s like. it’s not actually really there. there’s no one saying ‘yes they’re really irl in love.’ there’s two male-presenting characters who COULD be in love, if you choose to view it like that, but maybe aren’t. and like, that’s FINE, on it’s own, but i hate that someone in a position of power said ‘no you’re right lmao’ even though he didn’t do shit. it was made in 2019. queer representation should be better than that. i’m not patting neil on the back for doing literally nothing.

so like, tldr: yeah the rep is bad in my opinion!!! it’s not good!!!! i don’t like how neil handled it and it’s gross!!!! i hope this answers your question!!!!

anyway that being said azcrow is such a good ship anyway, so like, why does it matter if they’re canon? ship em anyways no one can stop me from doing it even though how it was handled by the actual creator is a garbage fire when you look at it for more than like, thirty seconds. like......why must a ship be ‘canon’? is it not enough to read a book and see two celestial beings, in love with humanity?