#oh my god i abandoned my baby girl... like that was an f/o who i was not jokingly married to. pretty much.

[a-strawbebie]

OH KARAMATSU MATSUNO WE'RE REALLY IN IT NOW

[getitoutofmymindwrites]

I don't even know your name | joel miller x f!reader, 8.3k

Summary: Your life changes dramatically and you turn to your best friend, Trish, for help. Trish is Joel’s cousin and little did you know when you met him by chance in a bar, before Trish officially introduced you to one another. He’s emotionally unavailable -or so he thinks-, you have lost faith in people -or so you think. Basically, two idiots who fall in love and decide to torture themselves.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, no outbreak, angst, slow-burn, Joel is 45ish, reader is 35 with two baby girls, allusions to smut, dirty thoughts, swearing, no physical description of the reader (but she will have long hair for smut purposes later on, hehe), no use of y/n, I’m not good at warning people, tell me what am I missing!

A/N: This has taken me forever, my life is a f’ing mess, but I didn’t want to abandon it. I’m splitting the story to parts, otherwise you’d been reading it until The Second Coming. 😅😏🫣 Thank you to anyone who’s taking the time to read this, I love you and I hope you enjoy it!😘

Dividers by @cafekitsune

Main Masterlist | Series Masterlist

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“Guys?” you drag out the word, “Do we really have to have the talk?” you try to avoid the conversation, knowing yourself and how you usually respond to these kind of questions, damn your spontaneity, shifting restlessly into the couch. Joel’s presence, sitting across the room on the comfy armchair, near the lit fireplace, isn’t helping in the slightest. He looks too invested in your point of view, but you already expected that. You try to avoid his gaze for as long as you can.

“Yes! Get the conversation going, babe, don’t be shy!” a female voice comes from a different part of the house. Joel doesn’t respond, looking quite nonchalant, in an effort to not seem.. eager. But you know better.

“It’s not a matter of shyness, on the contrary, you know I’m in the habit of not holding my tongue, and that can often get me in trouble..”, you sigh, shaking your head.

I have a few ideas involving that tongue of your- Stop it. Joel suppresses his thoughts audibly, by clearing his throat. “How come?” he finally joins in. You love the sound of that word on his mouth. Shaping into a different meaning inside your mind every time he uses it, pumping all of your blood to all the right places. Four months into knowing him and you quickly came to realize if you let your guard down, you would be done for. And now was not the time. You had a million loose ends to work out.

“Oh, you know, people tend to get the wrong idea, assuming things about me. I wish I could shut me up sometimes.” Oh, the ways I could shut that pretty little mouth, darlin’. Get it together. She’s not good for you. Or maybe you’re not good enough for her., he’s looking away, focusing on Trish, his cousin and your dear friend, who rushes out of her kitchen holding your -God knows what round of- drinks, almost stumbling on the carpet, while Joel’s trying to clear his head.

“What’s the rush Trish, anything to get off your chest?” you ask, squinting at her in a shut-the-fuck-up way. She bursts into laughter before she can even begin to talk, not taking the hint. Or pretending not to. Definitely pretending. Menace. “You remember that time, where were we?” She’s clicking her fingers together in an effort to jog her own memory. “With that dude? Who thought you wanted to talk your way into fucking him? Like he needed any convincing whatsoev-”

“We’ve met a lot of dudes together Trish; you being the main reason we’ve met them in the first place.” you interrupt, rolling your eyes at your friend. Joel is raising an eyebrow, looking back and forth between you and her. “I’m gonna need you to be more specific. Actually, don’t, you already embarrassed me enough!” you hold back a smile covering your face with one hand, as you pull your feet on the couch, bringing your knees to your chest in an effort to create a barrier between you and the space surrounding you, to feel some kind of protection around you.

Trish is looking so amused, she’s having a hard time concentrating. “I don’t remember nor the place or the dude, but you were defending, quite passionately I might add, womens’ equal right to one night stands and how we should have the same amount of pleasure as men without the guilt that comes with it; Joel you should see her, she almost raised the flag of revolution!” Where are you going with this Trish..?

“Did she, now..” Joel runs his eyes up and down, taking you all in, sipping his whiskey slowly, licking his bottom lip after he swallowed. Jesus, that neck.

You groan in frustration, “Here it comes. Another one who speculates. Ok, let me have it.”, you almost snap, observing the way he’s checking you out. But he knows better. There’s an intensity radiating out of him, you can almost feel the warmth of it on your skin and you let your mind wonder how he would feel like over you, under you or in any way he would choose to manhandle you. Manhandle? Where is this coming from?

“Hey, she’s the one who said ‘passionately’!” Joel raises his hands up in defense, his brows raised and knead together, clearly amused on the information he’s extracting so effortlessly. Trish takes her seat next to you to the couch, enjoying the moment more than she should, looking at the two of you.

“I’m not- I don’t- uuuuh, Trish why are you doing this to me?” you whine in exasperation, looking up to the ceiling, and rolling your eyes shut.

“Because maybe you should! Come on, live a little!”, she grumbles, grabbing your forearm, shaking you dramatically. Trish was actually living, more than a little, her life, full of experiences, lovers, you name it. Sometimes you wished you could live so carefree. She has been desperately trying to pour some of her carnal wisdom into you. For years. Now, given your emotional status, she believes it’s her best chance. So, she pushed.

“Should do what?” Joel interjects curiously.

Trish opens her mouth and spills it out before you can stop her, “Fuckarounds!” -her take on one night stands- “or at least something casual, since she insists that one flavor is better than a sea of delicacies.”, she winks dramatically in your direction.

“Yeah, no, that’s- that’s great, let’s bring Joel into this conversation” you sigh, rubbing your forehead and tilting your head down.

“Oh, I thought-” he looks genuinely confused at your reaction. At this point he’s confused about a lot of things.

“Yes! Exactly! Of course you thought! That’s what I meant before. Just because I can’t bring myself to do it, it doesn’t mean that it’s wrong, or that I’m judgmental of people that do it. Hell, sometimes I wish I was those people.. That’s what I was trying to explain to the dude-”

“You see?” she turns to Joel for backup, “quite the lawyer we have here! And the dude didn’t get the memo.”, she turns to you once more. You shake you head at her and you both laugh at the memory.

“She’s insufferable sometimes, but I’ll get her mind around, don’t you worry!”, she adds, taking her eyes from yours to Joel’s, smiling at the implication, almost like.. you’re spoken for?? What the fuck, Trish? Your face feels like it’s on fire and you’re pretty sure it’s showing, too. You can always blame it on the heat of the fireplace. Now it’s Joel’s turn to shift to his seat uncomfortably. He, thankfully, rises from his spot and let both of you know he’s heading to the kitchen for a refill.

“What the fuck are you doing?”, you hiss at her. “He’ll think I put you up to this.”

“Up to what?” Trish plays dumb, but failing monumentally.

“Dude, you can’t have your cousin think that I’m into him, it’s not right. I didn’t asked you to. Quit it.”, you whisper in despair.

“Love, seriously, you need to at least de-stress yourself.” Trish pressures on. “It’s been, what, six months since the divorce, four months in, leaving with me, I mean, that’s unacceptable.”

“Look, I’ll move, the first house I’ll find, I promise, I don’t want to overstay my welcome-”

“Hey, I’m talking about letting four perfectly good months fly away without getting any. Especially, when you have such a skilled babysitter. You're not taking advantage of me enough.” She moves her hands around her body, showing herself. “And I told you, you and the girls can stay here indefinitely. I fuckin’ mean it.”

“Well, less of the ‘f’ word in front of them, if you do!”, you tease. “Thank you, but I’ll find a place. I need to. I want to bring some kind of normalcy back into our lives. Their lives.”

“I know, baby. But seriously. You’re fucking 35. You act like your life is over. He’s not worth it.”

“We’ve been through that before Trish, it’s not about him, I just-” you exhale, shaking your head, “l don’t think there’s anyone out there for me, you know? I feel like I’m too old for any of this. Point me to the direction of one guy, just one, who would even consider to engage with a 35 year old divorced mother of two and I’ll take him, Scout’s honor.”

She opens her mouth to say something but reconsiders, trying to find the right words. She knows you have a point. “That’s why I insist for you to.. FUCK AROUND! No strings attached. How sweet of you to help me prove my point!!”, Trish exclaims triumphantly.

You pretend to be in deep thinking, finally concluding, “You know what, I’m done with men. Not worth the energy spent. Hey, maybe I’ll date you; we love each other, we practically live together, it’s a done deal!” You both laugh at the idea.

“Aaaaaw, I’m fluttered hot mama, but maybe you should give ‘em men a chance, before you flip the coin!”, she pushes on.

You really look at her now, trying to see her point of view. You were lonely, you were touch deprived, you longed for intimacy, but intimacy in your case meant sentiment. And sentiment comes form some kind of attachment. You wanted, you needed, hell, you craved to connect. “You know, you always insist on all that casual thing, but I’m in a place in life that.. what’s the point?”

“Um, the point of someone else giving you an orgasm?”, she deadpans.

“Oh God..”, you drug your hand down your face, feeling defeated. “Seriously? Because I’m pretty sure this coffee table here,” you point at it with your brows, “can find my bud easier than half the men out there.”, you blurt out in frustration. Joel coughs, choking on his whiskey. You both jolt from your seats on the couch at the sound, turning your heads, one in amusement and one in embarrassment, seeing Joel standing at the living room entrance, frozen in place. Neither of you heard him approaching. If you could hold your tongue for once, woman. Just once.

“So..” he drags the word out, “what about the other half?”, he shakes off the awkwardness of the moment and sly his way into the conversation. You both look at him with a dumbfounded expression on your faces.

“Joel, how long have you been standing there?” Trish wonders, raising one brow devilishly.

“Enough to know I was right to have been standing there as long as I have.” he smirks into his glass, swallowing another sip. You’re too mortified to register the question as non-rhetorical. You almost stop breathing, praying that would make you invisible, hoping he‘d somehow forget his question.

“So?”, Joel insists, looking at you through his lashes, crossing his legs and leaning against the doorframe that connects the living area with the kitchen.

“Excuse me?”, you manage to breathe out, feeling exposed.

Joel doesn’t miss the opportunity to remind you exactly what you pointed out, moments ago. “You said that half the men can’t find y-”, he pauses, inhaling sharply, imagining how good you would look, all naked and spread out under him, but hearing in his mind how intimate what he’s about to say sounds, he corrects himself. “Uh, a woman’s bud.” He moves his hands in the air in a generic motion. You feel so embarrassed, you think you might explode if your heart rate doesn’t drop down. “So, what about the other half of us?” his eyes are burning coals, piercing through you. You pick up the insinuation immediately. He knows his way around a woman’s body. Ok, thank you for the burning image of you eating me out, fingering me to death or rubbing me to completion, Joel. But where the fuck is he going with this? He knows by now that you’re candid like that and you’ll answer accordingly, so he presses all your buttons on purpose, he’s got to be. You devil, we had a fucking deal. You smile, accepting the challenge as you decide to answer him. Two can play that game.

“Oh, you mean the emotionally unavailable half?”

He certainly didn’t expect this response. His face drops suddenly, his jaw flexes; you are positive that a nerve has been touched. He looks embarrassed, like a child caught with his hand in the honey pot and you immediately feel sorry for him. You hate making people feel bad. Even if you’re right. Damn people pleaser.

Too forward? Too soon? Maybe both? You open your mouth to say something -anything- but your mind goes blank. He looks down at his half-empty glass and goes “Huh.”, before he empties the poison of his choice down his throat in one gulp. He calmly leaves the now empty glass on the coffee table, forming a one-sided kind of knowing smile on his face and he leaves the room quietly, leaving you feeling guilty.

You realize that you need to breathe at some point, so you take a sharp breath, after you hear the front door closing behind him.

“Well.. that went well.” Trish comments, looking at her nails.

You snap your head at her, feeling ready to explode. “That doesn’t mean I’m wrong.”

“No, but it leaves you minus one penis.”, she deadpans.

“I’m not interes-“ her eyes move up to yours so quickly, staring at you in a don’t-bullshit-me way, that you don’t dare finish your sentence. “Even I would be interested if he wasn’t a relative.” she feels the need to exaggerate.

“He’s not what I’m looking for, Trish.”

“But he might be just what you need.” Damn, she’s on a roll tonight. “Is there something going on? I mean between the two of you.”

Panic rises fast inside of you like waves crushing on rocks. You think you can hear your heartbeat. “No, of course not.”

Trish gives you an investigative look, as if staring at you long enough would make you admit the truth she thinks she knows. “Are you sure?”

“Joel and I couldn’t be further apart, trust me.”

BEFORE

He observes you sitting on the bar stool for a long time, almost memorizing your every curve and line. He doesn’t mean to, but he can’t take his eyes off of you. He can’t even see your whole face, but something makes him stare. You stand out to him for some reason. Maybe it’s the intense antithesis against your surroundings. Still, while everyone moves. Sad, while everyone laughs. Quiet, while everyone yells into each others’ ears. Lonesome in a sea of people. Your gaze is soft and detached, like all the burden of the world is on your shoulders. Holding your beer for far too long, sipping slowly straight from the bottle, like you’re trying to prolong your stay at the bar, or maybe avoiding going back to where you came from. He’s standing up.

You’re sitting on the bar stool, looking absentmindedly at the bartender on the other side of the counter, moving around, serving drinks. And you’re just sitting there. Alone. Wondering how the hell did you come to this. You always thought it was kind of strange going out on your own. Never done it before. But here you are. Here you are.

It’s been a week since you left your whole life behind you, leaving everything you knew and hold dear, moving to your best friend’s house, temporarily. Until you figure out what you’re going to do. She insisted to babysit so you can go out and have fun. She was funny that way. Have fun. All you wanted was to just disconnect from the world. Not think of anything. Not worry about anyone. Not much of a choice when you are a parent though. Worrying is on top of your list when you have kids. Two little girls, two and a half years old and an almost six months old.

That’s what you did for the past couple of years. Giving birth and raising a baby girl. And then giving birth again to another one. Until your husband decided all of a sudden that he can’t do this anymore. You’ve become too cold, too distant, he felt under-appreciated, pushed away.

The fact that he was always gone, always working and not contributing the hours that he indeed was at home, the fact that you were practically all alone in this, was not taken into consideration.

Everything happened fairly quickly. In the course of four months you got separated, he didn’t even want to try to fix things. Not even for the sake of being able to say that you at least tried. And then other suspicions began to enter your mind-

“You really look like you need a drink.”, a deep voice distracts you from your thoughts. You would be almost thankful for the distraction, growing tired of thinking the same things over and over again, like a broken record, but your bad mood wins over this one. Without turning your head to look at the direction of the voice, you raise the hand holding your beer, motioning at it, in silence.

“Nuuuh, that’s practically water, darlin’.”, the man insists, leaning forward as he stands next to you, his body turned your way, his left foot crossing over his right, his elbow resting on the counter, holding his glass of whiskey. You still don’t turn to look at him and with all the patience that is left in you, you raise the bottle to your lips, taking a sip. “Nope, still beer.”, you answer and keep your gaze to the shelf with the drinks behind the bartender. God, you’re too old for this.

The stranger huffs a small laugh and pushes on. “At least lemme buy you a cold one. That one must taste like a piss by now.”

“Oh, you must have been watching me, then.”, you try to embarrass him in order to leave you alone.

“That, I have.” Oh, he’s got a pair.

“Well, don’t.” you snap and you finally turn to look at him.

Holy shit.

You can’t remember the last time you saw someone so beautiful. Someone, your kind of beautiful. Masculine and broad and dark but with a vibe of kindness and safety in his presence. He’s looking at you, patiently, with a hind of a smile on his lips, like he knew that you’d change your mind once you’d lay your eyes on him. You take a deep breath to compose yourself and start over. “Look, I’m sorry, you look like a decent guy, but I would just be a bad company.”

“You don’t have to apologize darlin’, you have every right to choose your company, or the lack of it for that matter. It’s ok.” he says and he’s starting to move away from you slowly like he’s going to leave you alone. And now he’s making you feel like an ass. Kill with kindness they say?

A thousand thoughts are crossing your mind, you haven’t done this for what it feels like ages, you’re out of your depth, you don’t know what you’re doing, you don’t even remember the woman behind the mother, he’s gorgeous, why the hell is he talking to you? Ok, you know what? You’re going to fucking enjoy yourself. Just make conversation, fool around, it’s not like you’re gonna see him ever again. What do you have to lose?

You exhale hard, rolling your eyes to yourself and you grab his wrist lightly to ask, “Beer offer still standing?” surprising your own self. Damn, he’s warm. Pleasantly warm. I-want-you-to-envelop-me-in-your-arms warm. He turns his head to you, his eyes drop to your hand holding his, then back to your lips and then to your eyes. He lingers for a second too long and then turns to the bartender to order. You reluctantly let go of his hand and smile coyly.

You stare at each other for a moment and you both smile, waiting for the other to initiate the conversation. “I swear I’m not trying to do small talk or throw a bunch of lines your way,” he begins playfully, “but, you don’t look like you’re from around here.”

You audibly laugh and you raise your brows in surprise. “That’s weird,” you reply scrunching your nose, “I thought that’s what people do when they’re talking to total strangers at bars.”

He snorts a laugh, fuck he’s handsome, nodding his head, “You’re gonna make me work for it, aren’t you?” he asks amused, looking at you through his lashes.

“Well, it’s either that, or you really want to get to know me for my striking personality” you answer, gaining more confidence by his reaction. It’s not like you’re gonna see him again, right?

He nods his head in amusement, “You didn’t answer my question, though.” he reminds you. You roll your eyes playfully before you tease him, “You’re right, I’m not from around here and technically that was an observation, not a question.”, you raise your cold beer pointing it his way, nodding your head in a silent thank you and then you drink from it.

He stops with his glass midair, brows raising, smirking at you. “Ok, fine, you want a real question, I’ll give ya one. Why do you look so damn sad?”, his head tilting to the side, his ear almost touching the shoulder of the arm he rests on the counter. His eyes are piercing holes in yours, making you feel vulnerable. “Uh, I-, I-, shit; that bad, huh? And there I was, thinking I was holding my own.” you mutter.

“Darlin’, someone like you, sitting on your own, not looking around to notice the number of eyes ogling you, lost in your own thoughts, doesn’t take much to figure it out..”

“Someone like me.. you mean troubled?”, you try to clarify, troubled being the only translation your mind could manage.

“I mean beautiful.”, the man delivers. Oh. His voice and his gaze determined and serious as he speaks, making you weak on the knees.

You give him a shy smile and deflect the compliment. “Most men don’t observe half of what you just said.”, you deadpan and as he opens his mouth to answer you, you add “but you’re not most men, are you?”

He’s really looking at you now, it feels like he’s savoring your details and he just smiles. A beautiful, honest, kind of sheepish smile. It fades away quickly though, his face going serious again. He keeps his eyes on you, hitting you with his perceptiveness. “What did the fucker do?” you hear him ask you, suddenly.

“Wha- How did you- what makes you think-“, you are genuinely shocked, losing your train of thought.

“Humor me.”, is all he gives you, in a low voice.

His question felt so to the point, that there was no reason for you to deny it or avoid it, so you look back to your beer, fearing to see the denigration in his eyes.

You take a deep breath and simply state, “He left me, two months after I had our second daughter.” You exhale. It feels odd to hear your own voice, to feel your tongue move in your mouth, saying those words. You haven’t talked about it enough, actually -at all, if you’re being completely honest and it feels like you talk about someone else. It’s like you’re out of your body looking at you.

And now you wait. You wait for the pity, the uncomfortable silence, the unavoidable retreat. But none of those things come. You turn to look at him and he’s standing there, looking pissed. His body stiffens, his gaze darkens and you’re pretty sure that glass of whiskey in his hand, doesn’t have much life in it. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ..” it’s all he mutters as he closes his eyes in frustration, rubbing his free hand over his face.

“So much for small talk, huh?”, you continue laughing, trying to relieve his tension. It doesn’t take, though. Why did he took it so personally? He opens his eyes again, looking at you seriously with a deep frown on his face.

You begin to feel uncomfortable, so you do what you always do best. Try to make everyone else comfortable. You start talking to fill the silence. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know I’ve made mistakes, I wasn’t always the best wife, I was tired, I felt helpless at times, especially when raising two little girls with such a small age difference all on my own, not that that’s an excuse-“ you stop talking as he’s raising his hand in front of you to interrupt.

“Are you seriously blaming yourself right now?”, he sounds frustrated and confused, borderline offended.

“Well I’m not saying that what he did was ideal, I’m just trying to explain how hard it is to be practically all alone with two kids and how much it takes from you, how the balance is changing between the couple-”

“Ideal? That’s an interesting choice of word.”, he observes once again. Nice, you didn’t think he would catch that.

“You can’t keep anyone in your life by force. I won’t. I can’t control his feelings. It was the way he handled things that pained me the most.”, you explain.

He’s staring at you like you’re a fucking puzzle.

You sigh and continue, taking a deep breath, feeling defeated already. How you could possibly explain and how he could possibly understand? “I know most men don’t get it; you can’t understand how difficult it is to be responsible for two little people, making every decision, every second of every day, it’s exhausting, it drains you-“

“I know..” he whispers, looking at his glass, nodding his head in understanding.

“No, you don’t..” you mutter, mostly to yourself, shaking your head. He’s examining you for a second, considering if he wants to elaborate. He does.

“Sweetheart, I’m a single parent from the moment my daughter was born. Trust me when I say I know.”, he explains softly. “I get it.” His voice feels like honey to your ears.

You snap your head in his direction, shocked at his admission. He sees the cogs turning in your head, the sorrow starting to appear in your eyes and he adds with a bitter smile, “No, she didn’t die, she just left.”

Your eyes widen, unable to imagine what could have led a mother to that decision. But you immediately stop yourself. You don’t have the whole picture and it’s none of your business. You don’t get to judge. All you can say is “Fuck. That must have been hard for you.”

There’s a shift in the air, like some invisible little string connected you somehow, each of you with their own story, finding an understanding in each other.

As the conversation progresses he can’t help but wonder how did he get to that point. He was looking for a good time, maybe a blowjob or quickie in the bar’s bathroom and he ended up talking to you about his life. His daughter, his struggles. Voluntarily. And it felt good, easy, natural.

You laugh softly, out of context, shaking your head and he wants to know why. “I just-” you think again before you speak, “when you approached me I wasn’t even sure I could do that.”

“Do what?”, he asks in confusion.

“Talk to you.”, you admit.

“How do you mean?”, his brows furrow and his head tilt on one side, the edges of his mouth turning slightly upward. Stop doing that. It’s sexy.

“You know, me, sitting in a bar, talking to a stranger, it felt like I haven’t done this in forever.” It feels oddly liberating talking to him, almost like a confession.

“And how does it feel now?” he wants to know, his voice soft but commanding.

“It feels good.”, you give it to him. He makes you feel good and you want him to know.

“Good girl.”, he responds, his voice low, keeping his gaze on you, wondering how you’ll react. Oh, boy. Well, your panties are ruined. You bite your bottom lip and play along. See where it gets you. He sees that. The longing starts to become apparent on your face, in the way your lips part, your breath becomes shorter and your body subconsciously reacts to him, because you turn around in your seat, facing him fully. You clench your thighs in an effort to relieve some pressure between your legs. He sees it all.

“Although it’s a shame I didn’t get to witness you do your thing.”, you let him wonder.

His brows are raised in question, “My thing?”, he looks intrigued more than he’d like to admit. Gotcha.

“Yeah, I burdened you with my shit and I missed the chance of you flirting with me.” Someone feels ballsy. You don’t recognize yourself right now, but who cares, right?

“What makes you think I wanted to flirt with you?” he questions, almost genuinely. Almost. You freeze for a second, feeling like an idiot, but then you see him wink at you behind his raised glass.

“Right,” you drag the word, “so, you really wanted to get to know me for my striking personality”, you smile back to him.

He laughs. Genuinely. Beautifully. “Do you want me to flirt with you?” he pushes you, testing the waters. But not really. He knows he has your full attention.

“Sure, you seem like you can handle yourself.”, you answer before you overthink it and freak out.

He chuckles softly and he leans to you, right next to your flushed face, looking behind your shoulder and then down at you, his lips brushing your ear, his sparse beard tickling your cheek, one hand still on the bar and the other moving at the back of your seat, caging you. His scent invades your space, making you feel lightheaded. “Baby, you have no idea.” Your whole body is vibrating with want.

He doesn’t want to take you in the bathroom anymore.

He can see you; clearly than you can see yourself. He knows you now. He understands. He can see your path, the struggles, the challenges, the worries that lie ahead on your way. He walked that path. He bled that path. He navigates it with his eyes closed and his hands tied behind his back.

He doesn’t want to take you in the bathroom anymore.

He wants to take care of you. To breathe pleasure into you, to give you all that he abandoned for his daughter’s sake, to make you feel wanted and loved. He wants you to know that you matter to someone. That he’s gonna take his time with you, savor you, taste every inch of your body, spread you out on his bed and make you scream his name, while you tremble under his touch, his mouth, his cock.

You don’t feel like a bathroom quickie anymore. He wants more. Even if it is just for one night. Just one night. Suddenly the thought becomes unpleasant.

You turn your head to his side and search for his eyes. He responds to your plea by looking back at you. Your lips are inches apart, nearly touching. You stare at his brown, chocolaty orbs, then his plush lips, slightly open and can’t help but imagine your tongue entering his mouth, penetrating them.

You take a deep breath, preparing yourself mentally. You want to feel him any way you can, right fucking now. You want his touch, his tongue, his cock but you’ll accept whatever he’s giving you.

Get up. Get up. Get up.

You want this. You got this. You slowly exhale through your nose and you nearly press your body against his chest to stand up. Your nose almost grazes his. You look at each other, both of you full of desire.

Full of promise.

He’s curious what you’re gonna do but he’s praying you won’t do what he expects you to. Not the bathroom, not the fuckin’ bathroom, he keeps chanting internally. Lemme take care of you. You put your palm on his chest lingering for a second, “Show me, then”, you whisper in his ear and you finally make it to the bathroom. That, took every ounce of courage you had in you. Goddamn.

As you enter inside, thankfully it’s empty, you look at yourself in the mirror. You try to comprehend who are you right now, what you’re about to do. You don’t even remember how it feels to have someone else giving you pleasure. To touch you. To make you-

You hear the door opening and closing, followed by the sound of the lock. He slowly walks to you, letting you study him, through his reflection on the mirror. Giving you time to change your mind. Please change your mind. He looks so good. So good that you have to turn around and face him.

His salt and pepper hair tousled but neat at the same time, his curls above his neck making you want to tug them. Hard.

His eyes are dark, full of hunger and desire. Your eyes fall at his parted lips and then to his chiseled jawline with his sparse hair for a beard. You wanna bite every inch of it. Hard.

His frame is imposing; tall, broad, his thick forearms bulging through his black shirt, his toned thighs strained by his dark jeans. And then you see his bulge. He looks big, considerably big.

“Like what you see?”, he smiles confidently, his low timbre making you realize that you’ve been staring.

You blush in embarrassment, looking down and biting your bottom lip. He enters your comfort zone now, his hand pinching your chin between his fingers, lifting your head upward to look at him. “No need to be shy, sweetheart; I like what I see, too.”, his thumb rests lightly on your bottom lip and presses down, to free it from under your teeth.

His other hand holds your waist drawing you close to his body, his erection touching your lower stomach. You let out a small sigh.

His scent is intoxicating. It’s a mix of his fainted cologne, the smoke of cigarettes lingering in the air, the alcohol on his breath and something unique. Something his entirely. His sweat absorbed by the fabric of his clothes. The more you inhale it the wetter you get. Saliva pools in your mouth, making you swallow hard.

You squirm in your place, squeezing your legs together. He notices. Of course he notices, like he did back at the bar. Reading between your words.

He caresses your ear with his lips, whispering, “It’s ok sweetheart, I'm gonna take good care of you.” He places one hand behind your head, gently bringing you closer to him. His other one rests on your back, slowly making his way down to your ass. You look at him, surrendered to his touch. Oddly, you feel safe.

“Fuck..” you breath out.

He smiles, a little full of himself, normally it would piss you off, but right now you don’t care. He ghosts his lips along yours and he softly kisses the edge of your mouth. He places kisses along your jawline and leaves an open-mouthed kiss between your ear and your jaw. Your body shakes with goosebumps, making your knees almost buckle, his hold on your ass tightens, keeping you in place.

You can’t think of anything right now and that’s exactly what you want. Not your soon-to-be ex-husband, not your messed up life, not even the poor attempt of an outfit you wore tonight out of boredom. Plain black jeans and a lingerie black shirt. Of course with a black lacy bra under it, you’re not that adventurous.

His mouth travels to the column of your neck licking it softly from top to bottom, biting gently where it meets with your shoulder. Your cunt clenches hard, pooling more of your arousal on your already-drenched underwear. His tongue is so warm and velvety, making your eyes roll in your head. Your hands- where are your hands? One on his toned shoulder and the other on his hair, tugging his curls.

You realize that he’s softer in his touch than you would imagine for a bathroom fuck. He moves so fluidly, expertly, you feel mesmerized and a tiny part of you inexperienced and self conscious.

“I- I haven’t done this before..” you feel the need to confess, worried that you’ll do something wrong.

“I thought you had two kids.” he raises his head, tilting it, while looking at you through his lashes and bites his cheek to hide his smirk.

You stare at him for a moment and then you both burst into laughter.

You shake your head in mocking disapproval and explain, “..not the deed, the- the one-time thing..” and you bite your lip in discomfort afraid of his reaction.

His eyes are searching yours and he finally asks, “Who says this is a one-time thing?”. Bold. Surely he’s messing with you. Your breath catches on your throat, that was the last reaction you would expect. You try to read his face but he gives you nothing. You can’t figure out if he meant that or was just teasing. He nudges your nose with his, relax, baby, he whispers and he resumes his kissing path down your neck and to your chest.

He’s taking his sweet time with you. He wants to get you out of this damn bathroom. He wants to fuckin’ wreck you and he can't do that here. He doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable either by proposing a different setting, in case this is indeed how you want it, so he does what he knows. He’s driving you crazy. He’s gonna make you beg him to get out of here. To take you somewhere else, more comfortable. Anywhere but here. Unless someone interrupts you, making you take this elsewhere. Either way works.

You’re both panting from desire, his head moving back against yours, your foreheads touching together. He grabs the sides of your head with both his hands, while yours move around his waist, pulling him as close as possible. He’s going to finally kiss you, your lips almost touching each other’s, breathing one another’s exhale.

A loud knock on the door startles you and you jump in place. “Come on, man! Are you done yet?” The stranger smiles against your lips, pleased with his plan. He’s so ready to take you out of here, worship you like you deserve.

But the spell is broken. You come back to your senses. You’re in a dirty bathroom. With a total stranger. A handsome, funny, sexy stranger, but a stranger nonetheless. What are you doing? This is not you. This is not how you do things. You have two kids back home waiting for you. You try to shake the thought out of your mind. You are a woman, too. You have needs. Needs that this man can meet with ease. No, there are people outside, waiting to use the bathroom. How are you gonna get out of here? Everyone will know what you’ve done. What are you doing?

The man detects your stiffness, the change in your breathing. You’re starting to hyperventilate. “Hey, hey, are you ok?”.

Your brain is overwhelmed, you don’t know how to respond. The knocking on the door gets louder now, more insistent.

“Give me a goddamn minute!”, the man shouts behind his back. His attention returns to you, full of concern, talking to you like all the time in the world is yours, like nothing else matters. “What’s the matter, sweetheart? You wanna get out of here?”, his hands are still on the sides of your head, his eyes full of worry now.

“I- I need-” your breathing is getting harder and harder. “I’m sorry, I need to get out of here, I-” you push his hands away from your face.

He lets you, raising his hands in surrender. “Ok, ok darlin’, my truck is parked just outside, let me-”

“NO- No,” you don’t let him finish his thought, “I’ll leave on my own, I’m sorry, I can’t-” you just want to disappear, you know how you must sound and look but it’s out of your control.

“No, I didn’t mean it like that darlin’, I just wanna make sure you’re safe-”. But you’re not listening to what he’s saying to you, not really.

He wants to touch you again, hold you, make you feel safe. Protected. He wants you- no, needs you to know that it’s ok.

But he’s a stranger to you, so he resists the urge.

You walk away from him, unlock the door, open it forcefully and burst out of the bathroom, looking down. You don’t want to meet the eyes of the intruder outside the door. Any eye contact would make you feel vulnerable right now, exposed. With your head down you reach for your bag and jacket left on the stool you were sitting on, -what were you thinking, you could have been mugged- and you run to the exit door.

The man is right behind you, searching for you in the packed bar. You grab the handle, you open the door and you stand still for a moment turning your head to look at him one last time.

His eyes catch the door movement and his gaze locks with yours. His expression is sad and worried, not an ounce of anger or disapproval.

I don’t even know your name, you think with sadness.

He’s making a move to come after you but then you let yourself out of the bar. The stranger doesn’t have time but to whisper “I don’t even know your name..”

ONE WEEK LATER

You’re looking yourself in the mirror while you’re getting ready for dinner. Trish wants to introduce you to her cousins; although you and her are best friends, you never got to meet them. Maybe because you both lived out of Texas, before. She came back not so long ago, you followed to get your life back. Now that you’re living with her, she wants the four of you to hang out. She says they’re great guys. Joel and Tommy. Whatever.

You’re looking harder in the mirror now, searching for any sign to indicate what happened a few days ago at that god’s forsaken bar was real. A bruise, a bite, a redness, anything. But there’s nothing. Like he didn’t want to leave a trace. Like he was a figment of your imagination.

Half of you wants to forget about him, half of you is hanging on tight on every little detail you can recall of that night.

Of him.

His deep voice, the warmth of his eyes, his smart smile, the way he put your body on fire with minimum touch. You wish he would have fucked you hard and fast against the sink, before you had time to overthink, before you became a coward, to leave you with something more to remember him by.

You still feel the burn between your legs every time you think about him. And as many times as you tried to extinguish this fire inside you, with your fingers, or your pillow, or your vibrator, it just. Isn’t. Enough.

Just- get him out of your head, you force your mind. You don’t even know his name. You spilled your guts to him, almost fucked him and you don’t even got his name. Who does that?

Well, he didn’t get your name either, but obviously that was not the same. He looked like he knew what he was doing and if he does it that often, at the end of the day what does another name matter?

Joel is grabbing his wallet and cellphone off the console next to the door yelling to Tommy and Sarah, “Guys, you’re coming yet? We’re gonna be late, Trish is gonna be all over us, come on.”

Tommy and Sarah pause the movie they’re watching with an audible groan and emerge from the living room, putting their shoes on. “What is tonight about, again?” Tommy asks in boredom.

“Uh, not really sure, we’re gonna have dinner together and some lady friend of Trish is gonna be there, I think she’s letting her stay with her for a while.” Joel mutters.

“Oh, a lady friend,” Tommy insists, winking his eye to Sarah and she rolls her eyes to him. “Is she hot or what?”.

Joel glares at Tommy “Don’t know, don’t care Tommy, I think she’s got kids or something. Take the toolbox to the truck to fix the bathroom cabinet since we’re going.”

Tommy looks disappointed “Damn, not my cup of tea, then.”

“You and me both.” Joel sighs through his teeth. “Come on, let’s get this over with.”

You hear the doorbell ring and you check on the girls before you make your way downstairs. They’re asleep on their beds. You can finally relax. You hear Trish calling you, “Hey, babe, they’re here!” As you go down the stairs you see a handsome man with dark curls entering the hallway along with a young woman in her twenties.

“Heeeey, you’re here!!” Trish sounds so exited. “Hey cousin, it’s been a while!” Tommy responds, hugging her with one arm around her waist. Sarah takes her turn hugging her aunt in silence and with a warm smile.

Then the three of them turn to the sound of your feet on the stairs. “And that’s my friend I was telling you about!” Trish introduces you by name and you approach Tommy and Sarah to handshake them.

When you look at Tommy’s face from a closer distance he seems familiar to you in a strange way, but you don’t give it any more thought. He looks like someone who likes what he sees, judging by the flirty smile he gives you. “Hi, darlin’, nice to meet you!”, is his first response to you. You smile politely “ You, too!”

You turn your attention to the young lady then, Tommy’s eyes still linger a little too long for your liking. Not because he’s not easy on the eyes, far from it. You’re simply not ready for that. And you proved that to yourself last week. You let the most handsome stranger you’ve ever met, slip through your fingers. You didn’t even got his name.

Idiot.

Jesus Christ, not now, let him go, focus. “Hello Sarah, I’ve heard a lot about you, it’s nice to put a face to the stories!”.

Sarah laughs, glaring at Trish “I bet the stories are really funny! I only hope my aunt exposed herself, too, in the process!”

You give Sarah a one-sided smirk, looking at her conspiratorially, “Well, you know Trish, she’s never holding back!”, you all laugh vividly.

You already feel more relaxed, Tommy and Sarah seem so nice, easy going, it will be great to make new friends. Trish was right for wanting you to meet them so soon after you arrived here.

It brings an air of normalcy, it feels like, although slowly and fucking painfully, your life takes an actual.. shape. You’re here. You exist. You are being seen as a living human being. You are talked to, admired, cared for, building a circle of people in your life, each one with their own place and role in your heart. And that means you’re trying. You’re not giving up, you’re moving forward, for you, for your children most importantly. These thoughts create a warmth inside you, a sense of hope that everything’s going to be ok.

And then it happens.

His voice is the first thing you register as he makes his presence known. “Goddamnit Tommy, I asked you for one thing before we leave the house. One.”, he addresses his brother from a distance. “Of course I have to remember everything myself.”, he mutters to himself, shaking his head disapprovingly.

The hair on the back of your neck is rising. You could recognize his voice among thousands. But that couldn’t be right. It can’t be. There is no way the voice will match the face. So, you turn your head to the entrance.

First, you see his boots going up the stairs of the porch, next your eyes land on his lower and then upper body, fit thighs, covered in dark jeans, thin waist hugged by a black belt, broad torso clothed in a black t-shirt and a green flannel. You don’t consciously recognize what -or who- you see yet, but your heartbeat spikes and your breathing becomes quicker.

You look further up, his head is tilted down, he’s trying to put his car keys in his front jean pocket, the salt and pepper curls looking oddly familiar.

And then he raises his head.

It’s instant.

Your heart skips a beat, your breath catches on your throat, your mouth goes dry, you stomach clenches, your body feels on fire. Even your fingertips feel numb. Your mind floods you with memories of him.

His scent, his touch, the need he awakened inside you. His gaze locks with yours, like that night, stopping him in his tracks, right before the entrance of the house, both of you unable to look anywhere else. He keeps staring at your face, fearing that if he so much as roams his eyes to the rest of you, you’ll disappear.

You can’t quite read his expression, he looks- well he looks hot- but apart from that, he seems surprised, disturbed, almost.. pained?

Somewhere from behind you, you hear “Uuuuh, and this sunshine, is my brother, Joel.”

Joel.

| next

[fill-me-with-your-memes-daddy]

Watching the Rise of the Titans movie and I'll be documenting all of my thoughts/reactions here. [Spoiler Warning]

So instead of reblogging every new update, I'm just going to have this post up on my phone as I watch and type my reactions in a bullet list format.

Nari's human disguise is so cute. As someone who does have a cottagecore aesthetic, I want to cosplay her so bad

Are Skrael and/or Belroc non-binary coded? Regardless, I'm also obsessed and I want to fuck Skrael and be Belroc.

STEVE CARING ABOUT JIM BEING HURT YESSSS!!! My god his redemption has probably been one of the greatest there is because he doesn't just suddenly go from being a bully to a completely good person. You can see the gradual shift in learning better throughout the shows which is awesome.

IN NEW YOOOOOOORRRRRRRK!!!!!! CONCRETE JUNGLE WHERE DREAMS ARE MADE OFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!

The mugshot montage reminded me of season 1 of trollhunters when toby and Jim were arrested at the museum.

STRICKLER PUT A RING ON IT??? HE'S THE ONLY DILF IVE EVER ACTUALLY AGREED WAS HOT WYM I CAN'T HAVE HIM??? well I'm still really happy about his arc over the series probably one of my favorite character growths.

Eli my guy got his growth spurt!!! As an 18 year old who is still 5'0", I'm happy but envious for him

So I went into this movie without watching any trailers or promo, but I doubt anything could have prepared me for the existence of mpreg. In fact, I wasn't going to document my reactions until I saw that.

NAMURA!!!!!!!!! MY BELOVED!!!!!! I CAN STILL THIRST FOR YOU WITHOUT GUILT

The coach teacher just called the kids zoomers so I have to dock one point from my final rating just because of that. Unforgivable

Those husky animation models suck lmao

Oh fuck the titans got power ranger zords!!

God why did they include the mpreg??? This movie would have been perfect without it.... After that plot point being revisited only one time I'm already beyond done with it

Like it's bringing me back to the v*ltron days where they're was a suspiciously high amount of klance omegaverse and mpreg fics and art created and it physically hurts because Steve and Keith's voice actor is the same person meaning this is especially cursed to me since I was unfortunately in the v*ltron fandom and remember all of that

But like on another note, how old are these characters again??? I haven't checked any wikis because of spoilers but is Steve an adult??? I know aja might be technically a lot older than 18 because alien but is whatever age she is equivalent to an adult as far as emotionally and physically in Akaridion development??? IS THIS A TEEN (M)PREGNANCY IN A KIDS SHOW????

Like bruh I saw a singular post on here before going into the movie that was like "rott spoilers without context" and there was a pregnant belly but I was absolutely not expecting the actual context of it. I'll find the post after I finish and edit this post to tag the creator right here: @makoden

This entire post is just gonna be me ranting about mpreg huh

Anyway I love the whole roundtable allusion to the legends of king arthur (not the toa version but the one he's based off)

THERE'S 3 TO 5 BABIES????? I need to take a break bruh this is just too much

Alright I've taken a 30 minute break got some food and did some things i love (decompressed by tactile stimming with some owl plushies and watched some videos on my favorite owl, Garu. He lives in Japan with his owner and is a domesticated eagle owl who basically just acts like a sky cat. If anyone else needs some eye bleach, here is their YouTube channel)

Blinky and ARRRGHHH!!! saying their "if one of us doesn't make it" talk my god one of them is going to die I can see it and I will be utterly crushed. Jim can't lose another father figure and Toby can't lose his wingman again I will riot if this happens

On a similar but unrelated to the movie note, can we just talk about how toa started with Jim having 0 dads and (if strickler and blinky live to the end) will end with 2 dads? Like I just really feel happy for him that he has two dads who actually figured out how to put the past behind them to not have any infighting between them so that both of them are healthy father figures. Jim has already been through literal hell and back losing his actual humanity in the process so if he loses one of them, I'm going to be really pissed because at this point, this is just Jim torture porn. Y'all know how as SpongeBob SquarePants went on, the show just became Squidward torture porn? It's starting to feel that way for toa and I really hope they cut the shit by the ending

Jlaire is such a good ship but like I feel like it's too perfect they never disagree with each other

YESSSSSSS Someone finally doesn't treat toby like a fat waste of space who messes stuff up!!! I think out of all the characters that would have been most deserving of a rewrite, it's Toby. Sometimes I just feel he's only comic relief and any heartfelt moments he's had in the series was also born of stupidity (ie his flour baby project being unharmed was seen by him as divine intervention from his parents but was actually just Eli and Steve behind the scenes).

Ohhhhh yesssssss Archie's father!!! I was hoping I'd see him again because we got so little of him last

Ooooooooooh Asian trollmarket!!!!!

Oh never mind slavery trollmarket

Bruh titanic camelot

I feel like we're not seeing enough of the villains because I completely forgot about the power ranger zord things

NAMORA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MY LAST CRUSHHHH

STRICKLER NO NOT YOU TOO PLEASE

WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE ONLY TWO CHARACTERS I SIMP FOR ON THIS SHOW DIED WITHIN FIVE MINUTES OF EACH OTHER

THAT WHOLE ASS RANT I WROTE IS COMING TRUE FUCK THIS MOVIE THIS SERIES IS JUST JIM TORTURE PORN

WAIT JIM'S SPERM DONOR INFO?

Oh thank God I don't want to know anything about that person

For the record, I call that man Jim's sperm donor because he has no business being called a father to him. All he did was donate some swimmers to the creation of him and give him abandonment issues

Oh another blind troll elder???? This fucker is just if vendel was a bad guy

Bruh I was grieving

PACIFIC RIM WITH GUN ROBOT VEX AND THE BELROCZORD? I've never seen that movie but I know the reference

Bruh Blinky doesn't read horoscopes? Does he realize conspiracy theories are just the manly version of horoscopes?

NO DON'T KILL VEX STOP KO-ING FOUND FAMILY MEMBERS

Oh thank God he's okay

NO NOT ARCHIE AND CHARLEMAGNE OH MY GOD

oh never mind they're just gonna coup de tat I believe in them :))

But I want to see him again

But I'm glad to see vex

Yay they're in arcadia!

But yeah I wondered why the trolls and Merlin didn't keep the whole "daylight doesn't hurt trolls" feature from the eternal night but now Guillermo del Toro I see you were playing the long con in that just to kill my girl Namora :(((

Oooooh I love the animation of the Narizord over Chihuahua!! It looks very good and realistic (if only they could have put some of that into those huskies from before smh)

Bruh the character designs of the arcane order are so good I want to be them

Nari making sure the Skraelzord doesn't crush the bus

DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE

Bruh I'm just glad we finally have an answer on why arcadia had everything going on as opposed to literally anywhere else!! I always found that as a weird coincidence for plot convince.

BRUH WERE BACK TO THE MPREG IM SO JEALOUS I FORGOT ABOUT THAT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS GRIEVING THE LOSS OF MY LOVELIES.

Oh that's real convenient that the ninth configuration meant all of them. Way to not decide which character gets more attention. Though it probably was a smart way to not have any infighting in the fandom between each character's stan group.

Bruh I just realized where is Barbera did they just ditch her on the Camelot ship???

And where are the other trolls that migrated at the end of trollhunters s3? They said something about new jersey but obviously Jim and the other main characters got on Camelot instead.... This feels like a plot hole

And we never learned the process of how changelings are made and bonded to humans and stuff. We just know it's super painful but I'm curious ffs!!!!

THE DONT THINK BECOME HERO SPEECH ALL SAID TOGETHER!!!

BRUH THEY REALLY HAD TO SHOW HIM GIVING BIRTH??????? WAS THAT AN ABSOLUTE MUST??????

Plus the main audience for this series is little children (the rating for the movie is literally TV-Y7) so even though my adult ass is not in the target audience, I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND WHY WOULD MPREG AND ANAL BIRTH WOULD BE AN IMPORTANT THING TO 7 YEAR OLDS???? THIS IS A LITERAL FETISH HIDDEN IN KIDS CONTENT ITS ELSAGATE ALL OVER AGAIN Y'ALL 😭😭😭😭😭

Though it's probably hypocritical of me to think fetishes don't belong in kids tv when I've openly admitted to thirsting for strickler and namora

HUZZAH

NEW AMULET WAZ GOOD????

STAB THAT BITCH JIM

WAIT NO I SAID STAB NOT GET STABBED

Alright good job just missed the directions at first but you fixed it

SEVEN KIDS?????????

T O B Y ????????????

W A I T NO

N O

IS HE ACTUALLY

OH MY GOD THERE'S HOPE

NO THERE ISN'T

F U C K THIS SHIT THEY REALLY JUST HAD HIM TO BE BULLIED THEN KILLED

Y'ALL IM ACTUALLY CRYING THIS NEVER HAPPENS

I NEVER ACTUALLY GET SO EMOTIONAL OVER MEDIA THAT I CRY IT ONLY HAPPENED ONCE AT THE END OF VOLTRON BUT AHHHHHHHH

W A I T

HE'S GONNA BE BROUGHT BACK?????

HOLD UP THEY'RE JUST GONNA BRING ALL THOSE DEAD PEOPLE BACK??????

WAIT IS HE

BLINKY CALLED HIM A SON

HOLD ON IS THIS GOING TO BE A CLIFFHANGER???????????

BRUH THEY REALLY JUST CAN'T END THE SERIES WITHOUT CLIFFHANGERS like there's always an open ending

TROLLHUNTER TOBY????? You know what forget the whole rants I had on how toby was written they just redeemed it all

And that's all! I'd rate it a 6.5/10 because it's definitely the weakest of all the sequels but still had amazing animation and some good plot points. It's just really hard to look over the bad stuff enough to rate it any higher.

[jackrrabbit]

be a little bad /// Hawks x f!Reader (18+)

Summary: College AU 🍺 Frat boy Keigo pours you your first drink and decides he’s going to help himself to more of your firsts.

A/N: Hawks just makes so much sense as a frat bro 🤧 @koiibito​ thank you for working through ideas w/ me…& remember when I told you this was going to be short?? whoops 🤡

Tags/warnings: dubcon/coercion, inexperienced reader, fuckboy Hawks, overstimulation, alcohol, inebriated sex, problematic frat culture stuff, idk what to call it but peer pressure? to drink etc., all characters are adults

How long have you been sitting here?

You feel like there’s some kind of immense weight holding you down, making it impossible for you to stand up off this ugly couch that’s been crammed into the corner of the room to make space for the dance floor. You and this couch have become good friends over what you think has been the past hour—at first you occupied yourself by looking at the people playing beer pong, but after the fourth time you had to decline one of the players’ offers to join, you decided to stop making eye contact. So you sit on the couch, you stare at your phone, and you wish you were back at your dorm—or, better yet, back in your hometown with all your high school friends.

But you’re not. You’re here, multiple time zones away from anywhere you can call home, and all of your high school friends are asleep. And the one person—the one person you’ve managed to make friends with since orientation is the one who dragged you to this freaking frat party and then proceeded to abandon you. Apparently he didn’t feel the need to tell you that as a new pledge of this frat, he’s going to be on “door duty” checking ratios and giving sardonic responsibility talks for the next two hours.

Which leaves you here, sitting on the couch and trying to avoid the more questionable stains that you can barely make out in the seizure-inducing strobe lights. There’s a can of beer icing down your palms and you adjust your grip so it doesn’t leave a damp spot of condensation in your lap. It was your friend who gave it to you before he disappeared (“you don’t even have to drink it,” he’d said, “just hold it and no one else will pressure you to get another drink”).

It smells foul. You’ve had sips of beer before, and you can never understand why people drink it voluntarily. But maybe…maybe now that you’re in college, maybe now that you’re an adult, you’ll enjoy the taste. You raise the can to your lips and chug down a heavy gulp.

Ugh. Still gross. You wince and wipe your mouth.

“Not a fan of natty, huh? Good taste.” A hand appears out of nowhere to pluck the can away from you and you jump, nearly smacking your forehead against the stranger’s chin. He pulls back. “Whoa! Careful there.”

“…That’s mine,” you say half-heartedly as the guy tilts up the beer—your beer, your decoy drink—and takes a long draught.

“You’re not missing out. This stuff is piss,” he says, grinning down at you.

He’s not the first guy to hit on you at this party (what is it about lost-looking girls that draws frat boys in like moths to a flame?), but he is the best-looking. Long, swept-back blond hair; equally long eyelashes; a hint of scruff on his chin—he’s pretty and masculine at the same time. You let him take the seat next to you and lure you into a conversation, and he’s nice, too—laughing with you about how bad the beer tastes and sympathizing with your criticisms of your first experience at a frat party. You fall over yourself apologizing when he lets slip that he’s a brother (“social chair, actually, so if the party sucks it’s on me”) but he tells you it’s okay, that no one likes going to parties alone, not at first.

His name is Keigo Takami. He’s a junior, a marketing major, and he joined the frat in his first semester. According to him, the fraternity is a great group of guys (“I mean, they’re a bunch of jackasses, sure, but they’re well-meaning jackasses for the most part”) and all the rumors about frat parties are overblown.

“Seriously, you’d be having fun if you were drinking,” Keigo tells you. “These parties aren’t intended for a sober audience.”

“Sure,” you scoff, but it’s not serious. You are having fun, talking to him.

He gasps, mock-offended. “Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it to you. Stay right here, okay—don’t move a muscle.”

When he gets up, the dense crowd on the makeshift dance floor parts to let him through to the stairs leading into the upper floors. It’s kind of amazing. Everyone else (yourself included) has to wade through, pushing and shoving past the teeming throng to get anywhere, but for Keigo it’s effortless.

He’s back in just a few minutes, holding—oh god, how typical—a red plastic cup filled with a kool-aid red liquid that smells sickly sweet. Is it actually kool-aid? You take a whiff and can’t detect the tell-tale bitter alcohol fumes. “Is this…?”

“Mm, that’s jungle juice. The frat’s secret recipe. It’s good, try it.”

You raise the cup but hesitate. Is this really a good idea? You’ve been warned about stuff like this so many times. You don’t have to do it just because everyone else is.

Keigo catches your hesitation and frowns. “What’s up?”

“It’s nothing, I just…haven’t…”

“Hm? Don’t tell me this is your first drink? Aww, little freshman baby.” He’s mocking you, looking down on you, and you hate it. You’re not a baby. You can play with the boys.

You make eye contact with him before you tip back the cup and gulp down the juice, letting the full contents slosh down your throat. It’s syrupy-sweet and tastes like fruit punch and oranges so it goes down easy, a lot easier than you thought it would. A drop slides out of the corner of your mouth but you lick it up when it runs over your lip.

Keigo whistles. “Damn, down the hatch. That was…that was kinda hot.”

If you’re blushing, you hope he thinks it’s because of the drink.

He’s faster when he gets you the second cup. It doesn’t even taste like alcohol. Keigo won’t tell you what’s in it or how much (“secret recipe’s gotta stay a secret, y’know? It’s in the bylaws”). Halfway into the second cup you start to feel dizzy, which Keigo says means it’s working. He pulls you up off what you’ve semi-affectionately begun to think of as your couch and guides you onto the dance floor. The music is heavy and blaring loud, thudding through the speakers and making the walls shake, making you shake as it travels through the sticky floor up into your body. You sway haphazardly but Keigo’s got you by the arms, pulling you out of the way of the crowd, pulling you into him.

“Looking a little unsteady there, baby,” he says, and—and, you hear him, you do, but he’s talking to you from underwater (or, no, that’s just what it sounds like? or—) um. Beaming his voice into your brain or something?

Keigo laughs and you giggle and it feels good. “Better finish that or you’re gonna spill it,” he says, putting his warm hot hand over yours, guiding the cup back up to your face so you can finish off.

You’re in the middle of the dance floor surrounded by writhing bodies so it shouldn’t surprise you when someone’s elbow smacks into your back and jostles you so the jungle juice spills, spills out of your mouth dripping down your chin onto the dress. You process the interruption a second too late and the sticky red liquid is already staining your skin. …Feels good, you think first, because the drink is cool and refreshing and it’s so hot in here, steamy warm, everyone pressed up against everyone else like you’re pressed into Keigo, and then oh no—oh no your dress—but at least it’s a dark color, at least the stain won’t show—

“What did I tell you about spilling?” you sort of  hear Keigo say, and then you sort of feel the weight of his hand wiping away the juice from your mouth, and then he sticks his face up close to yours and oh my god oh my god he’s kissing you.

There’s something indescribably weird about it, his tongue thrashing over yours like he’s trying to lick the juice out of your mouth while you try not to flinch back from the taste of the beer he was drinking earlier. But he’s so solid, so steady, the only still thing in a room full of movement—when your eyes move away from him into the twisting mass of bodies and flashing lights you feel dizzy, so you keep your gaze locked firmly on him. He wraps his arm around your back and you instantly feel better and lean into him, lean into the kiss.

You’re drooling by the time he stops kissing you. “So sweet,” Keigo says, wiping a pearl of saliva off his mouth. “Little sloppy, but I can work with that.”

You don’t get it. You don’t even know if you would get it if you were sober. What you do get is Keigo’s hand wrapped around your upper arm, pulling you through the crowd to the staircase. Once again the people move aside for him, like the Red Sea for Moses, you think with a little laugh and he looks back at you and raises an eyebrow questioningly.

You stop, halting at the base of the stairs and squinting up at the bright yellow light in the stairwell, so invasive and clinical after the strobing darkness of the bottom floor. There’s something hard pressing into your side when you try to lean on the wall. There’s a name for that thing, isn’t there? B…ban…bannister, right? You grip the bannister with one hand to hold yourself still and resist Keigo tugging you higher up the stairs.

“W-Where’re we going?” you ask. It’s weird—your voice doesn’t sound like drunk people in movies. It’s not slurred or unintelligible. To your own ears, it just sounds high, and fast, and…nervous.

“Going upstairs,” Keigo says patiently, still pulling gently at your arm. “Gonna get some air, ‘kay? I’ll show you something cool.”

“O-Okay…” Something cool? You want to see something cool, even if you’re practically tripping over the stairs trying to stumble up them.

One of the brothers is guarding the entrance to the upper floors (no doubt ensuring that wayward attendees don’t try to take the party upstairs into the personal bedrooms). He nods at Keigo when he passes, but when he catches sight of you—you with your hair mussed, lipstick smeared, flushed cheeks and wobbly steps—his eyes narrow. “She good?”

Even in your boozy haze, it doesn’t escape you that the question isn’t directed toward you. He’s asking Keigo.

“Her? She’s fine, she’s fine.” Keigo throws his arm over your shoulders like you’re old buddies. “I’m taking her to my room, it’s so fucking hot down there I can’t breathe.”

“Yeah…” the other guy says, gaze still focused on you, but he doesn’t move to the side to let you through.

“Oh, come on.” Keigo steps up onto the same stair as him so he can look him in the eye. “I said she’s fine, didn’t I? She’s having fun. Aren’t you? Tell him you’re having fun, (Y/N).”

His tone isn’t any less sociable than before, but—are you imagining it?—he’s not really asking, is he? “Um, I’m having—having fun?”

Oh. Oh no. Why did that sound like a question?

The brother waits a moment, and then shrugs and steps aside. “Whatever, bro.”

Keigo’s bedroom is on the third and highest floor of the sprawling mansion where the fraternity makes its home. Flags are pinned to the walls—one with the colors of your university and one with the fraternity crest—and on top of his desk there are trophies lined up in meticulous rows: track and field, swimming, cross country, fencing. The bedroom is a rare single, one of only a few in the crowded house, which Keigo explains is because he earned it as a member of leadership when he was elected social chair (“it was unanimous—well, almost, a couple of the douchebags voted for themselves but—“)

You’re trying to listen, you really are. But your head is spinning. Now that you’re out of the feverish swampy heat of the dance floor downstairs, you feel marginally more sober—and also more aware that you’re inebriated. Keigo’s voice is steady and soothing like the rest of him. The timbre, the intonations, the casual lilt and dip of his speaking make more sense to you than the words themselves.

“Here, have this. It’s rum. Tell me what it smells like…” Keigo puts something in your hand—a tiny little cup, a plastic shot glass—and you have to use all your concentration to hold it still enough to let him fill it with red-brown liquid out of an unlabeled bottle.

When you carefully lift it up to your face, you can smell the alcohol. It smells sweet, too—like vanilla, vanilla and something fruity and heavy. Bananas?

But mostly it smells like alcohol.

“It smells like banana bread, doesn’t it?” Keigo asks, pouring himself a shot too. “Try it.”

You take a tentative sip but even that meager amount is sickeningly bitter in your mouth. You hold it on your tongue for a second trying to taste the ‘banana bread’ and then swallow a few moments too late, hoping you don’t look as disgusted as you feel.

“Not like that,” Keigo laughs, tipping his own shot back and downing it in a single go. “Like this. Your turn.”

“…Keigo…” You’re not sure what you want to say. You don’t want the shot, it tastes bad and you’re already drunk. You’re a smart girl, a careful girl. You should know better. You do know better. But it feels like—it feels like, even though he’s not making you do anything, somehow it’s too late to say no.

“C’mon, (Y/N). It’s just a little shot.” He taps his empty glass against your almost-full one. “And look, if you don’t want to, I’ll just take you back downstairs…is that what you want?”

Back downstairs. Back to sitting by yourself and waiting for your friend and turning down offers. Is that what you want?

Keigo’s gaze dips down to the ground and he shifts a step forward. “Now…maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think you want that. ‘Cause when I saw you sitting on that couch, you didn’t look like you were having such a good time, hm? Am I right?”

“…um, I guess?”

“Yeah…you looked so sad and lost and lonely I couldn’t leave you alone. Admit it...” He reaches up and tucks a wayward lock of hair behind your ear. “You were waiting for someone to catch your interest. You were wishing a guy like me would come rescue you. If I’m wrong, I’ll take you right back downstairs and leave you by yourself for the rest of the night, okay? But if I’m right…”

You can smell his hot breath on your face—vanilla and sugar and bananas and rum.

“…take the shot.”

It’s not so bad the second time. You’re quicker and you don’t bother holding it in your mouth. The liquor sears your throat clean and when you get over the unpleasantness, it really does taste kind of like banana bread.

“Ohhhh… Not so bad, is it?” Keigo takes the glass from you. “God, you—you complain, but you really take it down like a champ.”

“Alcohol tastes nasty,” you reply, wrinkling your nose. “Why’d people do this for fun?”

“It’s not about the taste, not at first,” Keigo laughs. Weird. It’s like he’s always laughing.

“Then what?” At your next exhale, you squeeze your eyes shut and reopen them. Ah. Ah. The room is moving again, spinning, contracting and dilating. There’s something relaxing about it, like you’re being rocked on gentle waves in the ocean. You feel floaty, comfortable, pleased.

“Well…it’s nice, isn’t it? Isn’t this nice? Helps you not think so much, not worry about the consequences.” Keigo’s arms are wrapping around you again, anchoring you in place. His torso is warm and hard against yours. “Lets you be bad.”

“Mmm…” You blink up at Keigo, admire his jawline and his lashes and his pretty gold eyes. He looks like a boy you would’ve had a crush on in high school, an older boy who never would’ve given you the time of day.

His hand is rubbing circles over your back, shifting the fabric of your dress along with his palm. “So what do you say?” he murmurs. “Wanna be a little bad?”

You do. You want to be bad and naughty and reckless. You want to make dumb, drunken decisions that you’ll laugh about with your friends in a few years. You want to do things you’ll regret, because you’d rather regret the things you had the guts to do than the ones you were too scared to try.

You inch your arms up past Keigo’s shoulders and tangle them in his fluffy hair, tugging gently at the different strands until you work up the nerve to pull his head to your level and kiss him. Even though you initiated it, he immediately takes the lead and the force of his mouth writhing against yours has your neck twisting back to accommodate. His tongue pushes against yours again but you don’t mind it this time. Your spine is arched and you’d probably be falling backward if his hand wasn’t bracing your lower back before sliding down to grab your ass.

“God—“ he breaks the kiss— “goddamn, look at you.” He’s gripping your dress, lifting it, pulling the fabric up over your hips and up to your waist at the same time as he showers kisses over your cheeks and your jawline and your neck.

You lift your chin (how strange that you’ve never done this before and still it feels so natural) to let him bite and suck scarlet marks onto the thin skin of your throat. “Keigo—“

“Baby,” he sighs, his breath stirring the hair falling over your neck. “You’re gonna be a killer, I can tell… You’re sweet now, but fuck, you’ve got no idea.” His hands are under the hem of your dress giving your ass another squeeze before he pulls the skirt up.

“Killer? What do you...” He’s backing you onto the bed, kicking off his shoes, and you do the same.

“Shh, that’s for me to know and you to find out. Arms up,” he tells you, and you slowly comply, letting him take the dress off your shivering body to leave you in your panties—no bra, not in this dress. Keigo holds the dress in his hands for a second before he drops it to the floor. “This—you know what, this is how I knew you were a virgin, this little dress, who the hell wears a dress to a frat party—“

“A virgin?” Hearing him say the word hits some kind of trigger in you and your eyes go wide. Without thinking, you fold your arms over your breasts and pull your legs up to your chest.

“Not a virgin virgin, it’s just what we call freshie girls who’ve never been to a party before—“ Keigo starts to clarify, but when he catches your reaction (your overreaction), his eyes narrow and he sits on the bed over you, knees straddling your legs. “Wait. Are you—you’re not actually a virgin, are you?”

You look to the side, cheeks hot, wanting to deny it but knowing there’s no way you’ve got the mental fortitude to really convince him.

“Fuuuck,” Keigo breathes, leaning over you and framing your face with his hands. “Baby. You just keep getting sweeter, don’t you?”

“Shut up,” you whine, covering your face with your hands. “’s embarrassing…”

“You should be glad I asked, or you’d be…like crying and bleeding and stuff, right? God, it’s been a while since I had a virgin.” He scratches his forehead and then his hand comes down to absently stroke the soft inside of your thigh.

It tickles. It tickles and you feel goosebumps rising to attention on your leg and a silly little laugh bubbles out of your throat. An involuntary shiver passes through you.

Keigo smirks and ducks down to kiss the skin of your inner thigh. It’s light—it’s nothing—but the rough stubble on his chin scratches over your skin and you giggle again. He nudges up higher on your body, so close you can feel the heat of his breath through your panties, and his hands grip around your waist to keep you in place.

Everything’s moving so quickly. You wonder in the back of your mind, the tiny part that still has a decent grasp on sobriety, if you’re ready for all of this. Then you wonder if anyone’s ever ready. How are you supposed to know? When it’s the right time, are you not supposed to be nervous? You are nervous, but the liquor is taking the edge off, making you more comfortable, maybe even keeping your mouth shut when the sober version of you would’ve stopped this a long time ago. You don’t know.

But what you do know—what you do know is that Keigo is easing your panties down off your legs and then nosing back in to kiss up your thighs and latch his mouth over your pussy.

“Mm—oh, fuck—“ What are you saying? You’re not a moaner, you don’t even say ‘fuck’. You’ve always been able to keep quiet when you’re by yourself. It’s like Keigo’s tongue flicking over your clit is pulling the voice out of you.

He wriggles the tip of his tongue over that sweet spot and the breath falls out of your lungs in what is undeniably a whimper. You feel so tense with the effort of keeping still, blood rushing to your pussy, and your thigh spasms where it’s nestled next to Keigo’s cheek. “You ever done this before?” he hums between licks.

“N-No…ah!”

“Ever cum?” His tongue returns, licking you up and down in lazy strokes, spreading your juices all over your dripping cunt.

“…hahhh, yesss…” Yes, you’ve had an orgasm before, in your own bed on your own fingers. When you do it to yourself it’s detached and methodical, a means to an end. You keep your mouth closed and you barely move and you get it over with. It’s not like this, wet and sloppy and out of your control, teasing, giving you almost exactly what you want but not quite.

You’re moaning. You’re moaning. You can still hear the throbbing music of the party downstairs, and you’re moaning your little heart out, whimpering, crying with little ah-ah-ah’s that anyone who can hear would recognize immediately.

When you do it yourself, it’s not like this. It’s never like this. Keigo moves from slow to quick unpredictably, always pulling you down right when you feel that pressure building in your core. It feels good enough that you’re annoyed—no, not annoyed, downright pissed when he sits back up on his heels and licks the wetness off his own lips.

“What’re you—I was, I was gonna—“ you start, trying to organize your thoughts. It had felt good. You’d wanted it, wanted more, and now your pussy feels all warm and wet and needy, pulsating with the lust he stirred up in you.

“Gonna cum?” Keigo leans down and kisses you, long and slow. “Sorry…but I’m selfish. When you cum, I wanna feel it.”

His arms flex in the yellow lamplight as he pulls the collar of his shirt over his head. You’re sprawled over the sheets on your back, not sure what you can say so you just watch. It helps that there’s plenty to look at—the hard planes of his abdomen forming the tell-tale dips of a six-pack, perfectly-formed lean muscle (all those sports trophies, you think to yourself), and the V of his hipbones disappearing under the hem of his pants…which he’s currently taking off as well. There’s something to be said for the benefits of spending more time at the gym than you do at the library.

Every part of Keigo Takami is impressive—he’s a work of art in human form. And when he pulls down his boxer briefs and his cock springs out to bob against his stomach, you’ve gotta admit that that is pretty impressive too.

Impressive…and intimidating. You bite your lip looking at it. Keigo pumps himself up and down, and every time his fist moves down to expose the thick pink head, you wonder the same thing: how is that supposed to fit!?

Keigo must see the sudden anxiety on your face, because he smiles (reassuringly? arrogantly? or is he just delighting in your discomfort?) and lifts you like a kitten with his hands under your armpits. “Up, up, on your knees, legs together—perfect. Now turn and put your hands on the wall.”

It’s so much easier to follow his instructions than try to consider what would happen if you said no. His callused hands petting over your waist make you feel like you’re doing the right thing. But—still—the nagging anxiety of having something so big in your pussy doesn’t go away.

You hear a drawer opening, and you turn away from the wall to see Keigo squeezing a clear liquid from a bottle in his hand and spreading it meticulously down the shaft of his cock. Lube? That’s good, you’ve heard from your more experienced female friends that it’s good to be extra wet the first time…but there’s something else, something you’re missing, isn’t there?

You try to think, try to ground yourself and understand, really understand what’s happening to you. What are you missing? The bed is squishy and soft under your knees, the air is windy somehow (is there a fan on? you hadn’t noticed), and the music downstairs is so loud you can feel the vibrations through the wall you’re pushed up against. And. And. You try to think. What are you forgetting that you’re not allowed to forget?

You can feel his cock, too. Keigo’s hands grip the flesh of your hips and he leans his chest into your back, brushing your hair over your shoulders so the two of you can touch skin to skin. The head of his cock bumps against your mound, raw and hard and heavy. Skin to skin.

Skin to skin.

It hits you in a wave of panic and you whip your head around and push desperately back at Keigo’s solid shoulder. “Wait! Wait, Keigo—the condom? Are you wearing a condom?”

His hand wraps around your wrist and pins it back against the wall, and he bows down to nip a a little spot on the crook of your neck. “Calm down, we don’t need one.”

“No, we—we need it, I need it!” you squeak out, trying to push away from Keigo but he’s got you sandwiched between him and the wall and those perfect muscles you were admiring earlier are definitely not just for show.

“I said calm down. I’m not gonna go inside.”

“…What?”

He rocks his hips forward and his dick bumps up under your pussy again. “Ever heard of thighfucking?”

No, you’ve never heard of thighfucking, but you’re an intelligent girl and you might be drunk but you’re not so drunk that you can’t piece together what he means. Your interpretation is reinforced when you feel Keigo slathering liquid—lubricant—over the lips of your pussy and between the tops of your thighs. It feels cold and weird—slippery slick, like lotion—but even the barest second of his fingers brushing over your clit reignites the need from when he ate you out and you shudder.

“Keep those knees together for me, baby,” Keigo says, and with no further delay he pushes his cock in between your thighs, aiming it perfectly to slide between your pussy lips so the head will bump up on your clit.

“…ahh, Keigo, wait—oh!” The full weight of Keigo’s body shoves against your back every time he thrusts. You’re too weak for this, too delicate to stay in position. Your elbows buckle under the pressure and your face is about to smack directly into the wall until Keigo laces his fingers in your loose hair and yanks you back from it.

He’s got no trouble holding you down, keeping you perfectly posed with your soft thighs molded tightly around the cock driving between them. Your head is craned back from his hold on your hair and he lays hungry kisses over your mouth, your cheek, your neck, anywhere he can reach. He’s right—he is selfish, and you know that this position is about him, not you, so it takes you by surprise that the longer he fucks his cock between your thighs and your dripping slit, the more heat you feel rising up in your cunt.

It’s not right. It’s not supposed to be like this. Your first time doing anything with a boy isn’t supposed to end up with him using you like he’s humping a pillow, thrusting his slippery cock into your thighs and groaning in your ear. It’s all wrong, and it’s definitely wrong that you’re getting off to it.

But now you know why he ate you out and left you high and dry (well, not dry) without making you cum—because the heat and the friction and the feeling of every ridged vein sliding over your clit, his hips smacking with a wet slap against yours, the smooth head grinding over your pussy—all of it is making your thoughts swirl like your brains are sloshing around in your head, and not just because of the alcohol.

“Fuck,” Keigo purrs, ducking forward to bite the shell of your ear and then running a soothing tongue over it. “Fuck, baby, you like that? Is that virgin pussy getting all wet on my dick? You’re twitching, I can feel you…”

“…Mmph, ah, I, I—please—” You can’t really talk, not when he’s knocking the breath out of you with every thrust. But you need more. It’s not fair, having to make do with the uncontrolled jerks of his cock over your upper thighs and the outside of your pussy. He’s fucking you like he couldn’t care less about whether you get to cum—which, if you had the ability to think about it, he probably doesn’t. Certainly not as much as he cares about your soft, lubed-up skin squeezing so deliciously on his cock.

You grind your hips down a little, sticking your ass back toward him to get a better angle and—ugh, ugh it works, the pressure on your clit increases, and you keen desperately, begging him to fuck your thighs faster harder deeper. He yanks on your hair, snapping your head back so your whimper chokes up into a squeal, and—god, are you imagining it?—but you swear you feel the stiff length of his cock throb in between your legs with the head nudging on your belly.

“Uhnn…baby, baby, baby,” Keigo chants in your ear. His voice is heavier and jagged with the puffs of breath that are coming out in time with the roll of his hips into yours. It sounds…needy, almost. “G-Good girl, keep those legs tight, just—just like that…my good little sweetheart, angel, virgin. Gonna make me cum? Yeah? Make me cum with these pretty fucking thighs?”

“—Keigo, I’m—mm!” You can’t say it, even the thought of announcing you’re cumming like some kind of pornstar makes you cringe, but even if you don’t say it, there’s no way he doesn’t feel the electric shock that passes through you, sending tremors through your body.

You’re crying out, loud, louder than the music downstairs maybe (or at least it feels like it). There’s nothing you can grip for purchase so one hand just scrabbles against the bare expanse of the wall while you curl the other into a fist and dig your fingernails into your palms.

Fuck, is it the alcohol? Is it the liquor that’s making it feel like this, so overwhelming and heady you don’t even know where you are? You vaguely try to remember how you got here (something about blond hair, an easy laugh, and sugar-sweet liquid coating your tongue), but it’s not important, who fucking cares when the cock pistoning between your thighs is still rubbing up on your clit, still stimulating you, still sending sparks of heat up through your spine and making it impossible for you to breathe without moaning, much less think.

“Keigo…Keigo I came, please ahh—it, it hurts,” you whimper, trying to shift your hips up off his cock to relieve the pressure on your sensitive clit—but he won’t let you.

Keigo’s grip on your ass digs in deeper, harder so he’s probably leaving bruises, and the hand in your hair pulls your head back toward his. His voice is a growl, so low and scratchy that it sends a chill up through your body. “Don’t move. Don’t you—don’t you fucking move. Stay right fucking there.”

It scares you.

It scares you, but his dick is rocking over your pussy, making you crazy, making you lose your grip on whatever other physical sensations you can still feel. You’re limp except for your thighs pressed into one another as tightly as you can manage, letting Keigo hold you up. It doesn’t hurt, not really—but it’s horrible, it’s too much, it’s like you’re trapped on the edge, cumming and cumming and cumming and cumming while you squeal like you’re being tortured, and you are, you are, you are, you are—

—it's torture.

But not pain. It doesn’t hurt. It’s mind-bending, oppressive, awful, you want it to stop but—oh god oh god—you’re helpless and you don’t get to make it stop, you don’t get to make that decision, it’s up to him. He decides, Keigo decides, and Keigo decides to keep fucking into your thighs, keep spreading your pussy lips apart and teasing your clit, so you just roll your head back and stop trying to convince yourself it doesn’t feel incredible.

You barely notice him speeding up—you probably wouldn’t notice at all if you couldn’t hear the beat of your moans, paced in time with his body slamming yours against the wall, increasing in frequency. He releases your hair (you swear you can feel blood rush back into your head when you’re finally able to lean forward) and his hands go back to your hips, guiding you to rock yourself back on him so his last few rabid thrusts finish with the head of his cock rubbing firmly against your stomach.

“Ugh, goddamnit fuck, baby, yesss, stay still, stay right there,” Keigo groans, and you’re so blissed out from the overstimulation that you barely even feel the twitching of his cock between your legs and the spurt of thick, hot liquid on your stomach.

Oh.

Oh god.

When Keigo finally picks his hands off their bruising grip on your ass, you drop directly onto the bed, barely remembering at the last second to roll over onto your back so his semen (his semen, which is spread over your lower belly like a Jackson Pollock painting) doesn’t stain his sheets.

You stare at the ceiling and what do you know, there is a ceiling fan, blades spinning in lazy circles that make you sick when you try to follow them. So you close your eyes.

What are you feeling? What are you supposed to be feeling?

Anger, probably. Fear? Well, you won’t deny that there are hints of both of those emotions swimming underneath the hazy surface of your drunken psyche, but they’re overshadowed by what you’re really feeling, which is relief, relief that the stimulation is over, relief that it felt good, relief. And—since you’re too out of it to stop yourself from admitting it—satisfaction.

There’s a rustling, paper slipping against paper, and then you can feel Keigo wiping his cum off your bare stomach with a tissue and then dabbing at the smears of wetness between your legs. When he’s satisfied that you’re clean, the bed creaks as he lays down next to you. He’s panting.

Reluctantly you open your eyes and roll onto your side, propping yourself up on an elbow so you can look down at him: golden hair spread out in a halo around his head, pale lashes and brows, a healthy glow of sweat over his forehead. You hadn’t seen it before, but there’s a tattoo curling over his biceps from where it must originate on his back—red feathers, wings, inked permanently into his skin.

Angel, Keigo called you earlier. But really, between the two of you…he’s the angel. In appearance, if nothing else.

His eyes drift open and the corner of his mouth tilts up, pleased to see you inspecting him. “How was that? Did you have fun being naughty?”

You and him both know exactly how much fun you had, and if you said it you’d just be stroking his ego. “You’re not a good guy, are you,” you say instead.

“Never said I was.”

“Then why didn’t you…have sex with me? For real?” you ask after a beat. The question’s been weighing on you.

“Don’t tell me you’re complaining.” A hand comes up to comb through your mussed hair unhurriedly.

“I’m not…” You still want to know, though.

“Mmm…baby. You didn’t want this to be your first time. Believe me, you’re not supposed to lose your virginity to a guy like me. No—don’t pout, come on. Your first time is supposed to be, like, soft and special and romantic, right?”

The girl you were one month ago, before you moved away from your hometown to come to college, she would have agreed. But you’re not that girl. You’ve been to your first college frat party, you’ve had your first drink and your first shot, you’ve kissed a stranger and you’ve done…sexual things with a man for the first time. And you’re okay with it. So you roll your eyes. “I’m not some fourteen-year-old drawing hearts in my notebook. I don’t need soft,” you tell him, hoping you sound bold and sarcastic.

Keigo chuckles and pats you on the head. “Don’t knock soft fucking, it’s got a time and a place like everything. I just couldn’t do it. Not when I saw you sitting there looking so lonely—you were like, hmm…like a rabbit in a den of wolves. You looked delicious.”

Oh god, you’re blushing again. This isn’t good for the nonchalant cool girl persona you’re trying to cultivate for yourself.

He cups your chin and runs his thumb over your lower lip. “I don’t think I could’ve been soft with you if I tried.”

A sharp rap on the door has both of you tensing, and Keigo only has a second to yank a blanket up from the foot of the bed over your naked bodies before the door is slammed open so hard that it bangs against the adjacent wall. “Jesus, get the fuck out!” he barks to the intruder, and it’s weird to hear the authoritative note in his voice reminding you that within this house, he’s someone who commands respect.

You tuck your face into Keigo’s chest and hope wildly that the person who just walked in 1) didn’t see anything and 2) isn’t the friend who brought you to the party, because if word gets around that you’re the girl who ‘slept’ with an older frat boy at the first party of freshman year, you’ll never live it down. Regardless of your own sexual liberation or whatever, you’re well aware that this isn’t the kind of reputation you want to start your college career out with.

“Sorry Kei! But we need you downstairs, we’re out of alc and the music stopped and no one knows how to fix the speakers!” the brother says, shielding his eyes with his hand, but he doesn’t leave the room. At least it’s not your friend—you breathe a sigh of relief and Keigo automatically smooths a hand down the back of your head in response.

“I’m kind of busy,” he seethes, and—you’ve gotta admit, there’s something marginally funny about seeing him caught off guard like this. You bite down on a laugh and he looks at you curiously, one thick eyebrow quirked.

“I’m really sorry, man, but the President said you’ll be on puke clean-up duty tomorrow if you don’t get your ass down there. His words, not mine.”

“Tomura, of-fucking-course…shitty incel has it out for me…” Keigo curses under his breath. “Give me five minutes.”

As soon as the door is closed, you’ve got your feet on the floor, groping around the discarded articles of clothing for your dress. You smooth down your hair with your hands and hope you look like any other tipsy freshman instead of a girl who just got pseudo-fucked. Keigo winks at you and taps his cheeks under his eyes; you take the hint and wipe away the smudges of mascara and eyeliner that migrated out of place during your…activities.

Your phone is safely in the pocket of your dress and you’re all but ready to leave the room (hopefully there won’t be anyone in the hallway to see you) when Keigo, still pulling on his pants, tugs you back by your wrist.

“Hey,” he says.

“Hey,” you reply uncertainly.

“Aren’t you going to give me your number?”

What? Really? You’ve heard plenty about how frat guys like him operate, and nothing Keigo’s done (except the whole ‘no penetrative sex’ thing) has led you to believe he doesn’t fit the stereotype. And the stereotype doesn’t involve sleeping with the same girl twice, especially if that girl is an awkward freshman who is apparently too innocent for him to get his dick wet with. “What do you want my number for?” you ask.

“Do I have to spell it out to you?” Keigo’s fingers lace with yours and you stumble forward into him so he can kiss you.

It’s light, chaste even, but it’s not fair because he knows, of course he knows—a kiss like that is going to leave you wanting more. “Yes,” you tell him, just to be contrary.

Keigo laughs again, and you do your best to memorize the sound of it. “It’s so the next time you decide you want to be a bad girl…you know where to find me.”

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 21

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SO VERY SLEEPY BUT THE UPDATE SCHEDULE TAKES NO PRISONERS (FOR THE MOMENT):

“So it’s true,” she wheezed between grit fangs—“that bitch really does have you on a leash.”

KINKY,

me: okay lemme refresh on what happened last chapter-- me: /remembers me: oh yeah! yeah that SUCKED,

lets us continue on the journey of deep and immense sadness with glynda ‘clown shoes’ goodwitch!!!!!!!! here we go here we go

It took a while to pry back the jaws of her soul and wrench herself out of them.

ooh i rly like the context change here. before glynda was kinda falling back into her soul as a way of just Getting On With Shit or protecting herself, but now it’s framed in a fun new way of please can i get out of here now. good job glynda. look at u GROUNDING YRSELF like a CHAMP who should have been in a TKO LIKE FIVE ROUNDS AGO--

What did that mean? Had she asked Cinder about Ochre? Glynda struggled to recall, but the memories swirled like clouded ink in her skull.

i still love the continuation of glynda’s Mysterious Messages To Herself. she leads such a thrilling life of ‘did i write that’ and ‘did i do that’ and ‘what does any of this mean’

Hating herself, Glynda found she couldn’t remember.

and also a less thrilling life of the squeaky clown shoes variety. glynda PLEASE

She had to know: was anything Cinder had given her real?

the YOU and the US,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the DESTINY. dw babe im sure cinder Has Never Told A Lie, Even Once In Her Life, On Account Of Being A Very Open And Honest Person,

Had she been abandoned? Cinder had been unhappy when she left. Angry, maybe. Angry enough to take her leave for good? Or had she always planned to?

i love watching glynda slowly become kind of,,,,,,,,,,,, more aware of herself in relation to other people? sometimes she still Moves or Does w/o rly thinking it thru, but we’ve got quite a change from, like, early chapters of glynda where she was barrelling along with VERY little disregard for both actions AND consequences,,, but look at her now!!!!!!! using her whole ass BRAIN. im proud of her. 

When she tried to dismiss this first fear, another one was waiting underneath: had something happened to Cinder?

In her attempts to keep Glynda’s soul from smothering them both, Cinder had been quite willing to converse over the phone with her—even if her texts were short and snippy, she usually at least responded, to avoid backlash. Did she not care anymore? Or—

Or was she unable to?

/leans in, like, uncomfortably close to the microphone

glynda darling i do Not mean 2 worry u but yr (future) gf is currently grieving, pissed beyond belief, and also

/checks notes

failing her way into becoming strawberry jam

But, surprisingly, there was another half to Glynda now: one that worried, despite facts, that Cinder was in danger. That Cinder might need her.

GO AND GET THE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The light caught in every golden thread of her crown emblem, embroidered with diligent precision. But something else caught her eye: the midnight black surrounding it had a sheen to it. Subtle red ducked through the fabric, glittering like burnished stars in a distant night sky: fire Dust.

The flash of a memory: Cinder’s face when Glynda had complained that her last cape had been burned.

This cape would not burn.

okay so no lie i cant read this bit without my eyes starting to water abt just how GOOD this section is and i have cried TOO MANY TIMES over this fic ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T H A N K Y O U F O R T H E F O O D !

CINDER MADE IT FIREPROOF. SHE DIDNT HAVE TO. SHE DIDNT NEED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS U N R E A L. I AM CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GO GET THE GIRL YOU MORON

Glynda didn’t know what to do.

Glynda dialed Winter.

and i am INSTANTLY launched back into the comedy that is glynda goodwitch’s life at large THANKS FOR THE WHIPLASH

“No, I mean… I was awful to you the last time we spoke. I know I was. I keep thinking about it. I’m so sorry, I just… Don’t have anyone else to go to right now. I don’t know who else I’d call.” It was horrible to admit. Loneliness had never shamed her before because her soul had held it at bay. Now it made her sick. “I’m safe. If you don’t want to talk to me…”

LOOK AT THIS CHARACTER GROWTH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, GLYNDA!!!!!!!! YR DOIN SO WELL BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE COME LOOK AT HER THINKING WITH HER M I N D.

“I lashed out at you, Professor Goodwitch. That wasn’t right of me. I should have known that you weren’t truly to blame for what you said. I know Cinder. She’s manipulative. She twists the world and makes you think she’s a different person than who she really is. I blamed you in the moment, but Cinder Fall is truly the person at fault for making you believe that I would try to hurt you. I shouldn’t have raised my voice or said the things I did.”

/rubs face

like winter needs to be in this fic and og was bereft not having her actually take up 30% of the space as she DESERVES, but god i forgot that shes a whole Thing and winter please just. shush. for a moment. for a second. ilusm. but please shut up.

Glynda was pacing, her Scroll levitating near her.

side note but casual uses of glyndas semblance is one of my fav things i love seeing it. glynda ‘look mom no hands’ goodwitch out here,

Glynda closed her eyes. The tactile recollection of cats arching, bristling, and spitting. Backed into corners. “Maybe she was panicking. I don’t know.”

i dont rly have much to say here other than continuing to enjoy Cinder As Cat, the ongoing metaphor. glyndas just gonna pick her up the scruff of the neck eventually and we will ALL b thankful.

ughghghgb im not gonna copy paste this whole convo w/ winter because this is a liveblog not a shitty projection of the fic on the side wall of a bowling alley, BUT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD glynda is so WORRIED,,,,,,,,,,, past glynda is befuddled. bemused. why does future glynda Feel so much. but future glynda is FEELING and i love her. das yr gf yr worried abt. DAS HER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and also yr other gf winter too but like that’s a long-con sort of egg to hatch,

While it had been some time now since Glynda had been in a proper fight, she expected no trouble. This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her. Still, she would bide her time and hold her silence, if only for the chance of getting a hint of what was going on.

This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her.

LADS,,,, LADIES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, BEANS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, IS IT GAY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, TO SEE YR RIVAL AS YR ONLY REAL THREAT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

The group crossed the room as one unit, guns aloft and eyes peeled, determined to not be ambushed.

Glynda intended to ambush them regardless.

i dont like 2 say when an au gets a character so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, but.......................... offal hunt gets glynda so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, and thats that, on that,

One left. Glynda didn’t hesitate. She had been built to fight Grimm; far stronger, far quicker, far more bestial foes than these. She was herself a blade, sharpened far too fine for these intruders.

sounds hot

“Are they...alive?”

Glynda didn’t pause to check.

“Professor? Are they alive?”

glynda: fuck them kids

“How will you get to her?” Winter asked.

“I always find her in the end,” Glynda answered.

hrm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wonder if that’s foreshadowing something

Her soul was churning inside her, longing for solace, for Cinder. She could picture the way like a burning trail in her mind’s eye; that bright-yellow tether between herself and Cinder, that pathway between their souls that she had tread so many times before. It always led her to Cinder.

HRM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I WONDER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“Good luck, Glynda.”

“Thank you,” she said again, pausing under the streetlights. “But I won’t need luck. I’ll find her.”

FELLAS,

what a good chapter!!!!!!!!!!! also i cried. BUT I HAD A REAL GOOD TIME. I CAN IMAGINE THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LESS OF A GOOD TIME, BUT FOR NOW, I WILL ENJOY THE MENTAL IMAGE OF GLYNDA’S BICEPS AND HER FUTURE WEDDING ALSO,

[havocmadden]

S I D E  A  —  P R I N C E S S E S  D O N ’ T  C R Y                       L I S T E N  H E R E

                                                                                      S I D E  B  —  Q U E E N  O F  M E A N                                                                                                       L I S T E N  H E R E

princesses don't cry — aviva ❝ cause a princess doesn't cry / a princess doesn't cry / over monsters in the night / don't waste our precious time / on boys with pretty eyes / a princess doesn't cry / a princess doesn't cry / burning like a fire / you feel it all the time / but wipe your teary eyes. ❞

                                                                                                                   the garden — mirah                                                                               ❝ oh oh i really wanted that thing / i just want                                                                                    to sing / ‘i love you baby / won't you bring                                                                                  / all the flowers you / find out in the garden                                                                                 / don't tell me the truth / that your heart has                                                                              hardened’ / but you don't want me anymore /                                                                            how can it be / look what you've done to me. ❞

prom queen — molly kate kestner ❝ god save the prom queen / teenage daydream / just another dressed up heartbreak / god save the prom queen / only eighteen / turned her tears to diamonds in her crown. ❞

                                                                           you should see me in a crown — billie eilish                                                                                ❝ you should see me in a crown / i'm gonna                                                                                 run this nothing town / watch me make 'em                                                                                  bow / one by one by one / one by one by /                                                                            you should see me in a crown / your silence is                                                                             my favorite sound / watch me make 'em bow /                                                                             one by one by one / one by one by / count my                                                                        cards, watch them fall / blood on a marble wall / i                                                                           like the way they all scream / tell me which one                                                                                                     is worse / living or dying first. ❞

hey little girl — sophiemarie.b ❝ i want you to feel bad when you go to sleep / i hope you're sad when you remember me / and feel bad for all you did to me / i hope you lie there in your misery / hey little girl you'll never believe / there's a ghost inside of you / but it's hidden too deep / hey little girl you'll never imagine / when you get a little older / you'll get abandoned / hey little girl you know smoking kills / you don't really care / 'cause you love how it feels / hey little girl you're falling apart / you don't really care /  'cause they broke your heart. ❞

                                                                                                                   queen — loren gray                                                                       ❝ you can call me a princess all you like /  'cause                                                                         you love to keep me helpless by your side / but                                                                        that ain't what i want, i'ma show you / i'ma show                                                              you how to treat me like a queen / boy, you better bow                                                                down on your knees / can i get a ‘yes, your majesty’?                                                                / so treat me like a queen / boy, you better bow down                                                                       on your knees / can i get a ‘yes, your majesty’? ❞

starring role — marina and the diamonds ❝ you don't love me / big fucking deal / i'll never tell you how i feel / you don't love me / not a big deal / i'll never tell you how i feel / it almost feels like a joke to play out a part / when you are not the starring role in someone else's heart / you know i'd rather walk alone / than play a supporting role / if i can't get the starring role. ❞

                                                                                                                       savage — bahari                                                                          ❝ when you touch me you take me to heaven /                                                                 when you hold me my body's a weapon / if you think                                                                 that you can save me, break me down, and tame me                                                                   / here's your chance to do some damage / savage. ❞

i want it all — natalie taylor ❝ i wanted beautiful things / diamond rings, diamonds rings / i get what i want / i live just to get what i want / i want it all. ❞

                                                                                                                           grrls — aviva                                                                         ❝ blameless i'll shatter through the glare / make                                                                        it, take it, they won't share / i can't fake it, i'll just                                                                          make it on my own / i can't blame them, i'll just                                                                          maim them on my throne / i can't fake it, i'll just                                                                       make it on my own / i can't blame them, i just got                                                                        to get to my throne / i am the latest colors, i sing                                                                   the newest songs / i read all the lyrics, so i can sing                                                               along / i am the latest colors, i stand above my throne                                                                               / waiting for an invite to never come along. ❞

white horse — taylor swift ❝ stupid girl / i should have known / i should have known / that i'm not a princess / this ain't a fairy tale / i'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet / lead her up the stairwell / this ain't hollywood / this is a small town / i was a dreamer before you went and let me down / now it's too late for you / and your white horse to come around. ❞

                                                                                                            angry too — lola blanc                                                                   ❝ i don't wanna be controlled by the past / boy if you                                                                 were me could you really blame me? / would it make                                                                 you crazy / cause another and another coming up out                                                                  of the gutter / till i'm drowning in an ocean of entitled                                                                   motherfuckers / and they're pushing all my buttons /                                                         but they never seem to wonder why / another and another                                                                  ask each other / does it get your blood boiling / does                                                                 it make you see red? / do you wanna destroy it / does                                                              it get in your head? / cause it gets my blood boiling and                                                       i'm coming unglued / it would hit you like poison if you knew                                                         what i knew / you would be angry too / calm down girl why                                                             you so mad? / why's your heart gone / oh good girl why                                                            you upset? / guess they have forgotten what they did. ❞

dear society — madison beer ❝ diets that i shouldn't try / it feels like social suicide / and honestly, it's cyanide, i'm 'bout to die / been 21 since 17, thanks to all the magazines / man, sometimes, i just wanna scream and break my screen / i'm a natural disaster / but even after all that i do / it's you who's gonna be the death of me / and none of this matters / baby, it's you, it's you / you're bad for my health / i should probably get some help / i can't control myself / i'm addicted to the hell / my heart is getting sick from the tar that's on your lips / yeah, you're bad for my health / you should hurt somebody else. ❞

                                                                                           i did something bad — taylor swift                                                       ❝ i can feel the flames on my skin / crimson red paint on my                                                     lips / if a man talks shit then i owe him nothing / i don't regret                                                       it one bit 'cause he had it coming / they say i did something                                                 bad / then why's it feel so good? / they say i did something bad                                                   / but why's it feel so good? / most fun i ever had / and i'd do it                                                      over and over and over again if i could / it just felt so good. ❞

last night’s mascara — brynn cartelli ❝ that dude i was kissing / nah, he didn't love me / he was on every varsity team / i need a little attention just to forget you / even though tomorrow no one will remember a thing but now / now i still don't understand how / i've got last night's mascara still on my face / i kinda knew that there'd be trouble / but i did it anyway / i swear i used to be innocent / you held my hand / i don't remember how i got here / i don't remember what i said / but i've got last night's mascara / last night's mascara / yeah, i still got last night's mascara on somehow. ❞

                                                                                       villians, part one — emma blackery                                                         ❝ but my body is bored of being torn apart / and i've done                                                               this to myself / so if you're thinking of stealing the last                                                       love i have / then you're thinking of stealing somebody else                                                    / turn the lights down low / if this is how i go / i'll tell them that                                                     the villains on my list / they're what turned me into this / so i'll                                                     go / i'm better off alone / run and tell them that the villains on                                                                    my list / they're the reason i've been pulled so low. ❞

homecoming queen — kelsey ballerini ❝ been so good at smiling / most of your life / look damn good in the dress / zipping up the mess / dancing with your best foot forward / does it get hard to have to play the part? / nobody's feeling sorry for ya / but what if i told you the world wouldn't end / if you started showing what's under your skin / what if you let 'em all in on the lie? / even the homecoming queen cries. ❞

                                                                                                                        castle — halsey                                                         ❝ i'm headed straight for the castle / they wanna make me                                                        their queen / and there's an old man sitting on the throne /                                                  that's saying that i probably shouldn't be so mean / i'm headed                                                 straight for the castle / they've got the kingdom locked up / and                                                  there's an old man sitting on the throne  / that's saying i should                                                    probably keep my pretty mouth shut / straight for the castle. ❞

little girl — faith marie ❝ take a walk, clear your head, breath in, count to ten / cause on the first page of life written in red / you'll never make it here if you don't learn how to bend / don't speak unless you're spoken to, little girl / someday you will find your place in the world / but ladies don't get dirty / someday you'll learn to fill the empty space with empty faith. ❞

                                                                                            burn the witch — emma blackery                                                               ❝ i'm a liar, i'm a bitch / and you and i have unfinished                                                               business / narcissistic hypocrite / and i'm petty as hell                                                 but at least i admit it / blow my phone up, say i'm crazy / i know                                                 know what you've called me lately / it's time to burn the witch. ❞

princess — fletcher ❝ we've all been told when we were little / we could grow up and live a fairy tale / but no one ever bothered telling us that / the storybook ending never started out well / why's there always gotta be a hero? / what if cinderella had to save herself? / it's not like we don't need a little help / but maybe it's a good thing to go through a little hell. ❞

                                                                                                            don’t make me — melinda                                                              ❝ never was built to be this way / but turns out the villain                                                            is fun to play / your hollywood romance, extra and sappy,                                                          but / spoiler alert: the ending ain't happy / eggshells crack                                                           beneath your feet / the ugly truth is bittersweet / so dress                                                              it up in fancy clothes / but we both know how this goes                                                                                                  / don't make me be the bad guy. ❞

[floggingink]

Riverdale, “Chapter Thirty-Eight: As Above, So Below”

Day At Least Seven Solitary Coif: struggling

Alice’s thigh: stunning

Sexy, aesthetic Southside: FP’s jellybean tattoo: incredibly, tenderly sad

Certified pedigree: “I’m glad the Farm opened you up to the possibility of us”: either Alice thought about this to herself, or she (absolutely) asked the rest of her cult what they thought. what they THOUGHT about her sleeping with FP again. “What d’you think, girls?” Alice wine clubbed FP Jones’s dick!

who has more game, FP or Jughead? FP a) is a grown man, b) is oftentimes gainfully employed (I’ve forgotten if he’s employed right now), c) is strong enough to carry a high school boy out of the woods, d) was VERY smooth with his seemingly instinctual “Then don’t. Tell him,” e) did that thing where he took the gum out of his mouth when Alice came to his trailer, and f) looked pretty good in his crisp Pop’s uniform when he was employed at Pop’s. however FP also a) tends to drink when not employed and b) is fucking obsessed with Toledo, a town I will burn to the ground if I ever set foot in it. meanwhile, Jughead a) climbed up a fucking ladder to Betty’s bedroom, b) ABSOLUTELY KILLED IT when he and Betty almost fucked each other in the kitchen, c) KILLED IT AND BURIED IT in the moments before fucking her on the couch when he was all, “Or you could stay,” and fucking touched her dress like she was an angel of the Lord and he was just a humble shepherd boy whose eyes were not worthy to gaze upon her countenance, d) only strategically removes his hat, and e) rides a motorcycle. the hat is not a con, necessarily, and being a writer in high school is a cross some of us simply have to bear, but he is like, kind of a pain sometimes and a little squirrelly, but w/r/t the love of his life, he has tailored himself to her every need almost perfectly

OH AND I FORGOT WHEN HE KISSED HER SCABBY BLOOD KNUCKLES! OH SHIT!

Veronica has the most game on the entire show

I like when they have Jughead use words like “modicum”

“Ben’s death haunts me, Jug. He didn’t scream. Why not, I wonder?”: writing credits this episode go to Daphne de Maurier

YYEEEAAAAAHHH THE BLUE & GOLD CRIME BOARD BABY

I would almost expect something more from the warden’s tie, except that I know plain clothing is, in and of itself, a warning sign

anything that gets Veronica in her reading glasses is okay by me, and this includes Pop’s hemorrhaging money

Jughead can wear just a T-shirt sans jacket or flannel any old time he wants, I’m just putting that vibe out there

“Of course we’re calling it a speakeasy.”

Jug’s suspender game is strong, so really Betty should know she has nothing to worry about

his stupid dumb round face looking at her when she pulls him aside is pretty. remember when he kissed her hands? fucking Jughead sometimes, dude

“Evelyn...creeps me out.”

I like Betty’s overalls and Evelyn’s romper thing

what I expected when Kevin dialed the phone was for the whole booth to sink into the basement like a surprise elevator

Kander and Ebb wrote the music to, among much else, Cabaret and Chicago, those being some of their most gay

I LOVE VERONICA’S WHITE SHIRT. IT’S JUST A FUCKING PLAIN WHITE SHIRT, SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL

Every triangle has three corners, every triangle has three sides: is there some heat between Veronica and Reggie? am I crazy?

the foursome of Reg, Ronnie, Josie, and Kev is basically just as strong as the cour four strictly in terms of hair

I don’t know that I like Penny’s sleeveless Ghoulies vest more than her leather Serpents jacket but I do know I like it at least the same amount (oodles)

Fwoopy hair is the best hair: Day One Lifted Bag Off Head Hair: GREAT

OH MY GOD, JOAQUIN!!!! WHEN WILL JOAQUIN REST. DOES EVERY TERRIBLE THING HAVE TO HAPPEN TO JOAQUIN BEFORE IT HAPPENS TO SOMEONE ELSE. IS JOAQUIN IN THE FARM

does Archie have a scar on his head? is it KJ’s? have I lost track of something?

Gay?!: BABY TEETH is an absolute twink and he was tapped to save his life

I’m suspicious of Peter because his name is, simply, “Peter”

Gay.: Cheryl and Toni are just like lounging in a single chair together and that’s the bisexual agenda

Veronica was rich: Veronica’s heavy card stock IS very nice

Ethel’s cute yellow cardigan is back, which matches her thermos and lunchbox

I enjoyed when Betty sits down and you think she’s going to apologize for being there at Ben’s death but instead she just fucking grills Ethel some more

“...G&G.”

OOOOOOHHHHHHH JUGHEAD’S TURNING IT ON WITH THAT PRINCESS SHIT

Please protect Betty: Betty’s entire expression at being told she’s “not worthy,” God bless her

The female gaze: I don’t know why Reggie’s shirt is off. probably Reggie doesn’t even know

Reggie’s panicked JJ face is one of the top five panicked faces of all time. he’s tied at least with the girl in Jurassic Park when she sees the raptor shadow and her hand holding that green Jell-O starts shaking

Minetta doesn’t even pretend he’s looking for something other than whatever was in those boxes. cold, Minetta

REGGIE’S SALUTE

Reg simply being aware that Minetta and the Ghoulies work for Hiram almost brings me to tears. not only is he a walking sculpture with a pair of lips that would make Sarah Steller throw herself off the Hoover Dam, but he is also a genius

VERONICA IS SO BEAUTIFUL. “Not until I’m properly armed.” just look at her!

Ethel didn’t even come to the first meeting of the Farm Club? cold, Ethel

Evelyn offering Betty a pizza slice comes off as her genuinely wanting Betty to have a piece of pizza if she wants, which is the first non-creepy thing she’s done (Jughead would take the pizza)

she of course follows this up with “that darn medication”

Archie looks like a corpse in the blue light

tell me “wakey, wakey” is a Kill Bill reference. TELL ME IT IS

the guy they have fighting Archie looks just enough like Khabib Nurmagomedov that I was like, is this an unconscious wish on someone’s part to do a rematch of red-haired McGregor vs. Khabib except it’s on Riverdale so it’s in something called “the Pit” which is a drained swimming pool and they’re in juvie? (it’d have to be a fantasy in that Conor McGregor would get his ass beaten by Khabib Nurmagomedov in any rematch in any universe, in the universe)

dude does his best but, as Sweet Pea and Vintage Reggie can tell you, you cannot let Archie land a) a right hook or b) an uppercut or he will end this fight

who’re the rando white women watching? their fucking wives? goddammit, white women

I think Baby Teeth could take Reggie jawline-to-jawline

Veronica’s kittenish heels sinking into the dirt as opposed to her striding effortlessly as Moses parting the Red Sea

Cheryl’s a chaos angel from hell: “THAT VIPER BITCH”

Antoinette Topaz is fluent in many languages, including Veronica’s

God bless jingle-jangle: the fucking cat burglar sequence set to “Jingle Jangle” just about fucking did it

Ethel’s candle game is reaching midnight mass-levels of mastery

so did Betty and Jughead get their ad hoc sex den (good band name) out of the bunker before Ethel got there? or was it there the whole time but for Ben and Ethel?

I feel I want to write down that Ben abandoned Ethel to ascend prematurely with Dilton otherwise I’ll forget and will be tricked by something later on

POLLY’S KNITTED HALTER

closed captioning capitalized the Shady Man, the second strangest Riverdale skull

Alice really just did Betty like that! maybe Betty DOES need to live in a bunker

50 Shades of Betty: “The wig. The webcaming.”

I love how Betty always gets very sarcastically OH, OKAY THEN when she decides to start laying out some truths

Alice stands up and her dress has some sort of insane asymmetrical hemline and she’s also got an ankle bracelet!!!!!!

Dilton Doiley Ethel Muggs is a canonically great dancer the DM: Ethel’s little crush on Jughead circa his birthday party has not abated. even when he was being insane about the Serpents I bet she entertained sweet fantasies of buying a pleather jacket off ModCloth and Jughead “inducting” her. so she found herself a coterie of pliable boys who were also gangly and weird and obsessed with details and pacts and she became their princess. so THERE. you fucking bet she’s gonna get a kiss out of Jughead before she fucking poisons herself

Ethel’s dungeon master voice is giving me a sort of ASMR vibe

I don’t want to veer too wildly but she is wearing a crown, her character has “a crown”

dog, was she about to kill Jughead right then and there? Ethel goes hard. Ethel might go harder than Jughead

“You’re asking me to play Russian roulette!” “I’m asking you to play Gryphons and Gargoyles.” THIS BITCH (in context it’s very smooth and bitchy)

GOD BUT JUGHEAD DID DRINK IT. VERY WELL KNOWINGLY, HE DID IT

Jughead eats: Salud is just the sort of thing I’d expect Jug to say before maybe drinking cyanide (or skol, if he had been watching Ingmar Bergman)

I don’t know if I could drink that much Kool-Aid that fast. Kool-Aid and Sunny D always made my teeth feel filmy. I could definitely down that much Capri Sun, if it were in a pouch the size of my shin

anyway Ethel’s sick move telling Jughead he has to kiss her first got an emotional reaction from me at almost the level of when Cheryl came down to Jason’s wake in that white dress

Jughead and Ethel are almost of a height, which is weirdly lovely

These students are legally children: maybe Ethel put the poison in after Jughead had chosen. I maybe doubt she would’ve just fucking assassinated Jughead

Jughead was reading next to her when she woke up, which is just a specific kind of daydream you have, sometimes

Sixth period is Intro to Film: HEISENBURG

Toni’s pictures are certainly shot with a mind to lighting, depth

is blue light the light of evil? Hiram’s study, the warden’s office?

Archie > Dawson: of course Archie imagines talking to his father and of course he imagines his father telling him to “take one.” I love Self-Sacrificial Lamb Archie (or just momentarily self-sacrificing). better than Fascist Archie!

well, Betty’s room has blue light too. fucking forget it then

although she is SURROUNDED BY EVIL at all times

Mädchen Amick, MÄDCHEN AMICK: “I trust them more than I trust you” is season one-level Alice-shade

Cheryl’s sheaths: I like very much Cheryl’s bosomy sequin thing and Toni’s back jewelry

I also like the RROTC boys in their like WWII uniforms, which may be anachronistic but still hard vintage, and the cigar girls

Jughead doubts it: there’s so much going on when Betty goes all melty and wipes some of the Fresh-Aid off Jug’s lips and Jug, who is not smiling, looks at Sweet Pea helping Veronica

Best costume bit: Veronica is in magenta, because I deserve it

I can’t wholly endorse Reggie’s non-black plaid trousers paired with a solid black blazer but I CAN endorse Reggie as a whole

Cheryl’s Hiram’s pins: I think Hiram has a fucking octopus pin! I think it is!!!!!!!!

the wallpaper behind Hiram downstairs is...interesting. it’s like a cutout from that Disney cartoon for “Winter Wonderland”

we stay on Veronica’s face for sort of an extra beat, so I can confirm a) she’s still beautiful and b) she has a sparkly thing in her hair

The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats movie was a masterpiece: Josie’s got that thing going on where you gem up the part in your hair

God I love a good Riverdale music/mayhem montage. like what were they playing when Jughead ran the gauntlet? fuck sometimes this stuff is just still so good (“Mess Around” when Reggie lunged for Jughead also counts, though not performed live somewhere else in Riverdale at the same moment)

“Anything Goes” is in fact not Kander and Ebb but Cole Porter

I’ve seen Brick like thirty times: I love a good bead of bloody spit dangling from someone’s mouth during a slow-mo fight sequence

I’m writing a scene where it’s gay.: “THAT KID…..IS A STAR.”

that fucking rum, can you believe it? the fucking shade of it all

Fifth period is AP English: OH MY GOD. THE COUNT OF MONTE CRISTO. OH MY GOD, THE FUCKING HAMMER. THE COUNT OF MONTE MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN YES GOD HOLY BITCH

“Damn good coffee”: the goddamn shot of FP and Alice standing together flanked by the flames of their righteous destruction of the G&G manual

Summer + Blair = Veronica: Veronica is pretty fucking brave to still be living in Hiram Lodge’s HOUSE. and of course that’s what her dressing gown looks like

oh my god, Joaquin is still alive? Joaquin’s STILL HERE?

ARCHIE’S GONNA BREAK OUT OF PRISON AND I MUST CLEANSE MYSELF OF SIN TO BE WORTHY OF ITS GLORY (I trust Riverdale a lot more again at the moment)

so wait, Jughead put the cot BACK? are these two different bunkers? is it the same effing bunker???

“It’s over”: you fucking fool

yes, it’s the same goddamn bunker. the candles are still there! I guess I thought the wicked juju from Ethel’s ~SUICIDE ATTEMPT~ would deter the two of them from FUCKING IN THE EXACT SAME BUNKER but Betty and Jughead literally do not give a single damn where they do it

Jug’s headphones!!!!!!!!!

Cheryl’s expression at reading the G&G manual is appropriately be-Blossomed

The Blossom spawn: she still has a photo of Jason in her locker and I think a sticker that says “Literally no one cares”

What damn high school in America: those manuals have a QR code on the back, so you can play on your phone! GIVE ME THE APP, RAS

who unsheathed Ethel? LORD, WHO LET HER LOOSE?

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

NEXT WEEK: Camila Mendes wears glasses the entire time

[mytsundereelf]

Holly fucking shit that transition from sad max to fighting campers im already dead.

HARRISON FUCKING SAID BEAT THEM OH MY GOD.

AHHHH NERRIS N O!

OH MY GOD NEIL NEIL THE TRIO MIDDLE NEIL GOIN THE FUCK OFF OH MY FUCKING GOD THEY ARE ALL SO MAD AND MAX IS SO SAD!

OH FUCK NO DONT SPLIT THEM NOT MY BABYS

FEW THINGS.

1 NIKKI "does that mean we all have to split up" HEARTBREAK SHE LOOKS SO LODT

2 NEIL DOESNT WANT TO LOOSE HIS TWO BEST FRIENDS

3 MAX IS ANGRY TO HIDE HIS EXTREAM HURT MY BOY IS LOOSING THE ONLY PLACE THAT EVER FELT LIKE HOME LIKE HE BELONGED THERE

4 SAD DOLF SAD DOLF N OOOOOOI

5 PRESTON MY BABY

6 sPACE KID

7 HARRISON AND NERRIS LOOKING AT EACHOTHER FEARFULLY AND REALLY SAD THEY LIKE EACHOTHER! THEY LOOKED LIKE THEY WANTED TO HUG AND ITS CLEAR THEY MAY BE FRIENAMIES BUT THEY ARE B E S T FRIENAMYS THEY DONT WANNA LOOSE EACHOTHER

MAX DOESNT WANNA LEAVE DAVID. MAX IS BROKEN OVER LOOSING EVERYONE!

awwwww neil doesnt want science and nikki doesnt want adventure they all wanna stay h o m e

M a x hes so hurt hes hiding it with apathy and anger and his two best friends just wanna stay together and c l i n g

MAX NO YOU HURT THEM SO BAD NIKKIS SO SAD AND NEIL... HE GOIN OFF

NEIL ADORED THEM AND HES SO HURT

NIKKI "by max." SHES SO FUCKING A N G R Y I HAVE NEVER SEEN SEATHING RAGE IN MY GIRL BEFORE IM FREAKING THE FUCK OUT!

Awwww max feels so bad. PLADDY MAX WAS ABANDONED BY EVERYONE

OH fuck cambell. Max gon die

CAMBELL HOLLY FUCK HES HAVING A BREAK DOWN AND GIVING MAX A T A L K

MAX LOVES THEM HE DOES HE WANTS HIS FAM BACK

OH FUCK CAMBELL HAS ISSUES WITH THEM

Cambell knows max because he waaas max. But max is becoming a better person.

Max juet help the fucker.

AHHHHHHHGHHH DAVID WAS HOPING HIS SON WOULD STAY HE L O V E S HIM!!!!!

D a v i d how l o n g.

DAVID H A T E S CAMBELL DAVID PROTECT THE BOY

Awwwww maaaax boy

"Yeah yeah were all pieces of shit but the cambles are the worst!" ACCURATE MAX

Max golly fuck.

L m a o david doesnt even care that his phone is gone long as max is who stole it.

Gwen looks so dead inside. She fucking hates this job because doing all that work for the kids made her stressed as fuck yet fuffilled and happy. Shes desprate for pepole to need him.

"Its ok if you dont wanna get involved so-" "FUCK THIS JOB!" god she fucking screamed it. She h a t e s how boring it is.

AWWWW SHE LOOKED DOWN AND HAS THE MUG DAVID GAVE HER AND SAYS YOUR GOD DAMN RIGHT I AM SHE WANTS HER CAMP PIZZA FAM BACK SHE NEEDS HER CHILDREN!!!

Oh my god QM JUST FUCKING JOINED ON SIGHT DAMN I LOVE THIS

Oh my god iT MY BOY AT MAGIC CAMP HEY HARRISON also he doesnt look as good in blue...

Max scared him thats so cute.

OH MY GOD HARRISON IS SO HURT MAX YOU MANIPULATOR FUCKING SHIT YOU KNEW THAT WOULD WORK

HARRISON MY BOY GO OFF HE IS SO MAD THEY PLAYED TEA WHISTLE SOUND AFFECT I LOVE IT

Also i bet hes pissed bc hes the only one wiTh REAL magic and they make him o the same fucking tricks every day so he dont learn shit

AHHH HARRISON MISSES HIS FRIENDS HE THINKS ALL OF THEM ARE HIS FRIENDS AND HE LOVES THEM

also dont mind me im using this as more fodder for my davod adopts max and harrison au because they act like brothers

"OH It seems i have freaked my own mind." "tada"

I love this

Hairrison is d o w n for ir HARRISON BURNED DOWN MAGIC CAMP OH MY GOD

He looked so proud of himself too they are sich brothers

"What is Samboy Kidwell doing here?" "Shut up Harrison... Good to have you back."

AHHHHH MY BABY NERRIS LOOKS SO UNHAPPY SHE DIDNT LIKE IT THERE AND JOINED IMEADITLY I LOVE IT!!!

Little bitch fucking laughs as the camp b u r n s.

I love Nerris.

AHHHHH HER AND HARRISON GLARE BEFORE HE SMILES AND OFFERED HER A SEAT BY HIM AND SHE JUST SMILES AND TAKES IT Y E S SHE MISSED HER RIVAL BEST FRIEND!!!!

Lmao Erid just fuckin bailed and joined. P r e s t o n oh my god he bailed and sat with dolf give dolf a f r i e n d

Omg space kid pressed the red button and ruined space camp YAS MY KID

Omg nurf OMG he kicked a guy in the nuts and got "Hey thats aginst the rules!" nurf "Rules?! Lets burn this fucker down."

GWENS SO PROUD OF THEM FOR FUCKING SHIT UP!!!

OH MY GOD WHAT DID NIKKI AND NEIL DO I LOVE THEM BUT HOLLY SHIT!

GWEN SAVES HER BABYS OH MY GOD HOLLY MOLLY YES

Omg they are so mad at max. Omg all of them hated their new camps y e s.

Oh my god cambell is the problem child of the company y e s

Oh my god he got them all cambell wtf

MAX YES OWN UP QND APOLOGIZEd

OH MY FUVK THAT ENDING Y E S

[strawberries-n-sugar]

Just why not, about to go to bed and it's something to do. Noone asked me and I don't think anyone cares but no harm in doing it for fun

A. Yes

B. Boyfriend in the living room because I saw the trailer for Loki and had to tell him to suck it because I said Loki was still alive and have besn saying that and he kept telling me he wasn't and before that a good night call from momma. Before anyone says that is weird, yes it is out of the ordinary and yes she does call a bit much sometimes but she is 63 and Im her only child and even though I am 23 and on my own I cant abandon her even though I have been told I should (for reasons) I feel like a goodnight call each night is a small thing, especially with recent events and we lost daddy last year so now she is on her own and I live in a differnt place and cant go see her often

C. When I went to the kitchen a little while ago for food and swung by to visit my boyfriend, basically husband, and I got a kiss then

D. Im bi but I guess speaking honestly I prefer guys more, I could never be in a relationship with a girl again I don't think and as far as being with one Im not sure, Ive only ever "been with" my boyfriend but as to why I dont think I could be with a girl there is a list of reasons I won't dwelve into. But, a girl has told me I am a amzing kisser and she was in love because my lips were so soft; truth or dare got weird, started with me bluffing and putting on fruit lemonade lip balm then she got tired of me getting nervous so she manhandled my face and then that happened 😂

E. 1 in each, I got them pierced when I was about 5 or 6 but Ive never wear earrings despite owning a few pairs because I can't wear anything cheap or fake as soon as I put it in my ears they become red and itchy and hurt and swell. I have to get nikol free and real medals

F. I cant really do this without someone giving me options lol

G. My furrbaby

H. Furrbaby and bf

I. I'm the first to admit when and if Im jealous with no shame, always been that way becuase it is a natural human emotion. The most recent time I remember is when he was gaming with the boys, they all treat me kinda like Im one of them and accept me but I'm still a noob ameture gamer on thier consoles and a few days back one of thier girlfriends started playing and his/our friend was showing off her art and the other wanted to drink with her saying she was nice and they were all playing with her so I felt left out if Im honest because I have a few online friends but in person they are the closet thing I have, he knows them in person but I dont but since they grew up together. I struggle making and keeping friends and always fuck up no matter how hard I try, all I have really are him and my baby boy (my dog) and two or three people I talk to online so as far as hanging out theyre what I have

J. Oh god we will be here forever with that list, lets not 😂

K. Jessica Irene H. I dont feel comfortable putting my whole name

L. Yes, Im the youngest of 6 wouldve been 7

M. Sometimes, depends on the who, the what, and the why

N. Not sure what to say here, I try to be the best I can

O. I'm out of school

P. Almost everything

Q. 😂 um a few years ago and I was only there because they needed a babysitter, I happened to be there, and my bf was there...probably never

R. Choosing 10 is hard considering I'm always asking obvious questions

S. When I walk in the house and Lolli is all happy and pitter pattering around excitced I say HEY BABY on repeat, I bite my nails

T. Lolli, my bf, my momma and daddy, my furrbabies (cats, long story dont want to talk about it), animals (except snakes, I dont hate them I just am literally tereified of them touching me and its not because they bite or theyre slimy it is because of a reoccuring nightmare and it is a phobia, I have stories)

U. Actual texts, not too many

V. To be happy, healthy, safe and have a normal life

W. My aunt ruffie

X. Oh yeah, a ton

Y. Current town, Ive only ever lived in worse before so its not bad although my first time going downtown before we moved here I was scared looking over and seeing a playground where noone was fighting or vomiting and I was like "what the fuck is this Gilmore Girls bullshit?"

Z. Go on ahead

BRUTAL HONESTY HOUR

A - If I’m in love.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

G - The last person I said 'I love you’ to.

H - The last person I hugged.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is.

L - If I have siblings.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

O - If I like my school.

P - What kind of music I like.

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

S - 2 habits.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

U - How many texts I send daily.

V - 3 big dreams.

W - An idol.

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

Y - If I like my town and why.

Z - Ask any question you want.

[thirdstrikes]

S6: let it rip (post vld s6 thoughts)

I HAVE ASCENDED AND AM ON ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE

LIKE I AM NEVER COMING DOWN FROM THIS

thought Season 3 was good? Season 5 was awesome? Season 6 is another BITCH entirely. best season ever, hands down.

okay let’s like talk about allurance this season? because bitches that was fucking all i wanted in life, and i got that and more. i’m immortal. i’m in heaven. i cannot be stopped. i’ve risen.

so basically voltron is a 100K+ slow burn allurance fic. good to know. that’s all she wrote. glad i finally know what i signed up for. 

burn baby burn

god allura can like save lives? like she jumped out of her lion when lance got hit and saved him, regardless of the huge radiation belt like seconds from burning them to smithereens. he’s so important to her. he loves her so much. i’m in heaven. did i already say that?

lord lord lord the keith and krolia backstory? like hello, shit? his mother loves him so much, and keith finally knows the truth. all he ever knew about his mother is that she left him? but it’s. like jesus fucking on a toaster strudel, it wasn’t the mission she had to protect this whole time, it was him.

someone hold me, for the love of god hold me.

and two years? like what the fuck? are we all going to gloss over the fact that it’s been two years for them? like jesus fucking hell. 

but he got that time with his mama, and he’s missed out on nearly 2 decades of it. i guess i’ll let him have this one.

nghh shiro wears papa kogane’s clothes. i love it. jesus. still didn’t get a fucking name for dad, vld peeps, i’m bitters

also the wolf is adorable and i love it and please name it cosmo. i have dubbed it so.

also jesus shit i saw that fucking lotura shit coming. i knew he’d betray her. and they had to get close for it to sting more. but the whole thing broke my heart cause i would have loved a good!lotor, and i guess he’s kinda understandable. he’s just got the altean purity outlook with galran tendencies, and that’s going to cause issues. he comes from a good place, but his morals and actions are skewed so far to the right it ain’t funny.

poor allura. girl got her heartbroken. i’m here for you baby. (lance is too!!!)

and oh SHE KNOW SHE KNOWS SHE KNOWS how he feels about her. like i literally CANT anymore.

and shiro baby? GLAD THE CLONE THEORY WAS RIGHT.

kudos to those who called a shiro farm!

dare we talk about episode 5, season 6: the black paladins? aka the best episode ever???

the A N I M A T I O N was off the charts! the art was wonderful! it was breathtaking. 

keith with studio ghilbi hair like fuck me with a chainsaw it’s all i’m gonna be talking about for the next two years.

please kill me, everything about thsi episode was amazing and you can all fight me to the death if you have anything bad to say about it

KEITH: YOU MADE A PROMISE ONCE. YOU TOLD ME YOUD NEVER GIVE UP ON ME.

SHIRO: AND I SHOULD HAVE ABANDONED YOU. JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS DID.

ME: *sobbing*

keith’s galra genes coming out to play? i mean who didn’t love that. that’s some hunka hunka burning hot love right there, man, yes siree.

god the sheith scene there was something out of a fanfic and i was sobbing, but i don’t know if it was cause i hadn’t peed in a few hours by this point, i was excited, or i was terrified. kind of a mix of all three probably.

i can wax poetry about episode 5 for the rest of my life. i wonder how long they spent on it. cause it looks and feels like a masterpiece. like amen. you all deserve awards. i elect this the best episode of animation in all of tv and media. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

YOU’RE MY BROTHER. I LOVE YOU.

fuck me with a chainsaw. did not expect to get that. it was beautiful.

can we just talk about how shiro was trapped in the astral plane? he fucking died at the end of season 2. but black saved his essense or whatever. like shit dude. didn’t expect to be right about that.

the others couldnt hear shiro cause they’re connection wasn’t strong enough. but keith did it. their bond was enough. i love them.

also guys guys keith’s “i love you” nearly broke through to kuron. their bond is strong enough to convert even the most deadset nonbeliever.

all versions of shiro love keith, no matter what happens or who they are. it’s canon now, bitches.

okay i think i’m done talking about episode 5.

let’s face i never will be. sorry not sorry bitches.

the last 3 episodes were done beautifully. like the animation was breathtaking. the characters were amazing. the final fight was beautiful.

i could have it be a series finale and the show never continues right now, and i’d be fine with it. that’s how good this season was.

and then them bringing shiro back? like props to allura. girl you doing great, sweetie. i’m so proud of you.

YOU FOUND ME. Y O U F O U N D ME.

on a list of things i will never be over

poor lance. oh my god, there were tears, but he’s one of my favorites. god i loved him this season. my baby i love you. he thought he had failed shiro, and that hurt. jesus he cares so much.

i legit cried when the castle got destroyed. it’s been their home. i think i quoted hunk and i ain’t even seen the episode before.

but now they’re going back to earth and i’m living

and basically this whole season was a blessing that we did not deserve

amen

please come talk to me about this shit. it’s all i’m gonna be thinking about.

[artificialqueens]

Justifying the American Dream *Title may change* (GROUP FIC/MULTISHIP) ~ Grinder

AN: I know I said I’d return after my University work is over but I wanted to post this little pilot thingie early to see how it does. I’ve got most of my Uni work done, right now I just gotta do an exam and I’m finished.

So basically this is something I wanna work heavily on after Courtney’s Infinite Search for Love. The premise is that paper and metallic money doesn’t exist anymore. The World now makes payments via digital transfers and purchases. There are reasons for this which I’ll explain in later chapters of the fic. But one day there’s a glitch in the system and so many families across the World are left penniless. When the Government refuse to give the families anything from the issue, riots break out all over.

Now you’re probably wondering how Drag Queens come into this but it will explain as the story goes along. For now all I’ll say is that the LGBT is a targeted and persecuted community in this fic therefore the Queens are trying to hide it out and survive against their enemies.

Sorry for the long explanation! I will reupload this chapter at a later date if I feel errors need to be corrected or if certain elements or Queens are missing.

For now! Enjoy :)

*Area 05*Exploris Bay Aquarium 12:43PM

‘Christ, I don’t know if I can stand one more day in this fish bowl. Smells like 200 lesbians just had an orgy on their periods in here.’

Bianca scoffed passing by the giant tank of which Adore was perched at the top on the ledge. The young Queen scraped up a large amount of fish chunks and tossed it into the tank for her babies to feed.

“Wow! You sharkie babies are pretty hungry today, huh?” Adore cooed at the two sharks that circled the tank and ate their meal.

“Better be careful, Delasshole,” Bianca called, “they may be your babies. But you’re also in their plate of foods.”

“Fuck all the way off. They love me.” Adore called back, flipping Bianca off before throwing more fish into the tank. “Where are you going anyway?”

Before leaving the ‘Shark Suite’, Bianca turned once again, looking up to her young friend. “Dela and Manila are back from scavenging. I’m just letting them in. Relax, Queen.”

“Party!” Adore replied, setting the tray to the side. She grabbed for an extra large chunk of fish from the bucket (thank god she was wearing gloves) and held it above the water. “Bette! You want an extra-large piece? I know you chunkier girls prefer a little extra.”

It was easy to tell which shark was which. Bette was the short but chubby Bull shark, formally known as ‘Snap’. How original. Then there was Joan. The long and skinny Mako shark. Her name was the worst. ‘Killer’. It made the Queen cringe hard.

“Beeeeeeette!” Adore whined as the shark completely blanked her. “Stop being a bitch.”

Bianca had returned to the room, Manila and Bendelacreme following in her trail.

“Feeding your ‘puppies’ again?” Manila teased.

“Yeah, but they’re not complying!” Adore continued to whine.

“I wouldn’t do that, honey,” Dela warned, “You could lose a hand.”

“Why would I lose a hand? They know I’m their Mom.” Adore protested before her face became goofy again and she turned her attention back to her pets. “Isn’t that right, babies?”

Adore screamed as one of her children sprang up from the water snatching the fish from her hand. The Queen pushed herself away from the edge of the tank, her back plastered against the wall and her breathing ragged.

‘Bette always was a feisty bitch.’ Bianca thought to herself as they laughed at Adore’s current state.

“Come on, Steve Irwin. Team meeting!” Bianca called up to the young Queen again. She turned to Dela and Manila and said in a quiet voice, “his career ended as well. Too soon?”

Manila and Dela shook their heads and chucked at the statement, not loud enough for Adore to hear.

“O-Oh…Okay…Gimme a second to collect myself.” Adore called to the other Queens, trying to calm herself from her near death experience.

-_-_-_-

Adore had informed Raja and Ginger of Manila and Dela’s return bringing the whole team to the staff room of the aquarium.

“There’s good news and bad news.” Manila began. “Which one first?”

“Bad.” Bianca replied.

“This is all the food we managed to get.” Manila responded setting a small package down on the table. “There is absolutely nothing left. All of the houses and stores have been completely raided.”

“Fuck.” Bianca cursed, leaning over and letting her face fall into her hands.

Adore only hoped that the good news was enough to help them forget about the thought of their oncoming starvation.

“We knew eventually there would be no food left anyway. Don’t forget, it’s not just us trying to survive. Think about those starving families all across the country.” Raja groaned, flipping her raven hair over her shoulder.

“I’m aware.” Bianca snapped. She rubbed her forehead in frustration before turning to Adore. “Sorry to tell you but you gotta cut back on the amount of fish you feed to your ‘children’. Fish themed meals from now on, ladies.”

Adore looked greatly disappointed but remained silent. She knew Bianca was right. The lives of her team were obviously a bigger priority than Bette and Joan’s. The poor sea babies would starve eventually. The thought of not being able to take care of them anymore only made a lump form in her throat. It was the only thing keeping her from going insane when confined in the abandoned aquarium.

“And the good news?” Bianca inquired, looking back to Dela and Manila.

“We saw Bob.” Manila stated, in a matter-of-fact tone but smiled at the other Queens.

“And her team? In the van?” Ginger exclaimed eagerly, leaning forward in her seat.

“Yeah, they drove right by us. At first we thought it was gonna be trouble but we saw Michelle Visage and Cynthia Lee Fontaine in the front. That’s how we got this package. They threw it out the window when they passed by.” Manila replied, clearly awestruck.

“Wow. You Queens saw someone famous. Great news.” Bianca fumed, sarcasm thick in her tone.

“Lighten up, Scrooge.” Dela snapped back. “They’ll have Area 05 searched by now. They’ll know where all the supplies and resources are at. All we gotta do is pick up their signal and get to the locations before anyone else does.”

Ginger stood up from her seat and went to retrieve the radio, leaving the rest of the team to continue discussing the situation.

“So…food?” Raja asked hopefully.

“And ammunition.” Manila replied, smiling hopefully.

Adore’s face lightened up again at the sound of her second favourite ‘F’ word. “So I can still feed Bette and Joan?”

“Slow down, honey. We gotta see if there are any resources around here first.” Dela held up her hand as if Adore were about to pounce on her with happiness.

“And we shall find out pretty soon.” Ginger continued, returning with the radio. Taking her seat again, she flicked the switch bringing the machine to life. Flicking through the channels they mostly picked up static. After a minute of searching, the familiar sound Bob the Drag Queen’s voice filled the room.

“…just about left Area 05, ladies and gentlemen. As always, we have no idea when we’ll be back but keep on tuning in and we’ll be sure to keep you updated. For all the Queens out there, we had our sisters in drag, Robbie and Laila, search the area and, guuurl, is it good news. We have unlocked the storage units at the back of the mall and they are flooded with surprises. But don’t forget to be mindful of your fellow sisters out there. Sharing is caring.”

“We’re heading straight there,” Bianca informed Adore and Raja before listening to the rest of the announcement.

“And also be sure to check out the Prison on the edge of town. Word is it’s crowded with Queens. Take weapons, take a good few of your team and check that place out. If the rumour is true, don’t hesitate to join forces. After all, an army is more effective than a group. Good luck and don’t fuck it up.”

As soon as Bob’s voice was gone, Adore smiled as Kill the DJ took over. It had been so long since she heard Green Day. But Bianca wasted no time in remembering the good old days when good music existed as she was already standing and looking to Adore. “Come on, bitch. Get ready. You too Raja. I wanna get there as soon as possible.”

“Relax, man! Don’t forget we gotta leave some for everyone else too!” Adore whined.

“’Relax, man’.” Bianca mocked. “I’m not planning on taking everything. There could be other selfish people out there you know. We could get there and nothing’s left. Besides we probably wouldn’t have enough arms to carry all of whatever’s there.”

“Ohhh! Party!” Adore beamed, standing up from her seat. They three Queens left the room to get ready for their scavenger hunt.

“So what’s in the goody bag?” Ginger asked, now that the air seemed much more relaxed.

Dela began to unwrap the package revealing inside some food and a letter. The Seattle Queen unfolded the letter and began reading in her usual quirky tone.

“Dear Friend(s),

It was nice to see you earlier! We’re glad to see a lot more Drag Queens continuing to survive through this nightmare of a life we live now. Anyway, as always, have a goody bag on behalf of our team. Inside you’ll find cookies, sandwiches, fresh water and a little something extra (thanks to Laganja Estranja of the House of Edwards) for you Queens who like the ‘Devils lettuce’.

Keep in mind. This pack won’t last long so use it wisely.

As we say always and forever…

Good luck and don’t fuck it up!

Michelle V. & the Bob’s Broadcasts team.

“Well that was lovely.” Dela commented, passing the note to the other Queens. “Do you think they do this for everyone?”

“Of course, honey.” Ginger replied, reading over the note.

“I’m referring to the LGBT community only.” Dela added.

“Well, I’ve briefly read one of these notes before. That’s a story for another day. They’re practically all the same. I remember the part when it says ‘We’re glad to see a lot more Drag Queens bla bla bla’. So it most likely is only for us. It’s not like the broken families are missing out though. I heard there’s this guy who does something similar and travels around the country handing out food and supplies. But it’s way more than this pack.” Ginger explained, gesturing to the goodie bag.

“Do you guys remember the day everything went to shit?” Dela asked, her tone lowering upon moving on to such a dark topic.

“For who? All those families or for us?” Ginger replied solemnly.

Dela was silent for a few seconds, observing Ginger as she passed the letter to Manila and shook her head, pulling a cigarette from its box.

“All of us.” The Seattle Queen replied lifting her gaze to Ginger.

“I don’t wanna be that Queen. But how about we talk about that later. Right now, let’s just enjoy our goodie bag.” Ginger replied, lighting her cigarette. She breathed in its fumes, sinking back into her chair as a smoke cloud escaped her lips.

“Should I let Bianca and the girls borrow my pineapple purse?” Manila suggested, moving away from the dark topic and thinking about her fellow teammates.

“Still think it brings good luck?” Dela teased including a giggle.

“Of course, girl. And besides;” Manila paused, leaning her head on Dela’s shoulder, sighing heavily, “You know what Adore’s like. Always causing trouble. Maybe she’ll need it.”

“True.” Dela replied, wrapping her arm around her worn out friend. “She’s one untameable Queen.”

*5 miles out of Area 18* 01:14PM

 “So, what do you think?” Tatianna chirped, tossing her carrier bag on the double bed, to which it only fell off. Turning to face Alyssa, she beamed a bright smile as she tried to contain her excitement.

Alyssa threw her jacket to the side as she observed the bedroom. It was quite cute actually. “I won’t lie. It’s not bad. Kinda pretty.”

Tatianna approached Alyssa, squealing with excitement and wrapping her slender arms around her waist. She squeezed her slightly, planting a kiss on her cheek. “I told you so!”

“Yeah, but listen baby, I still don’t think this is safe.” Alyssa pointing her finger in her friend’s face whilst still admiring the room. “It may be in the middle of nowhere. But that doesn’t mean we’ll never get our gay asses caught. For all we know this farm house ain’t abandoned. The family could be on vacation or something.”

Tatianna rolled her eyes at Alyssa’s whining despite finding it adorable as always. “Well they haven’t been receiving mail. So…”

Alyssa pulled out of Tatianna’s embrace, remaining silent as she went to unpack her bag.

“Coooome on. Relax, Alyssa.” Tatianna rolled her eyes as she reached for her own bag.

“And not to mention that we’re most likely not the only people eyeing this place up. There could be all sorts of hooligans and Queens and creepers and - -”

Alyssa was caught off guard as Tatianna wrapped her arms around her again and pulling her abruptly down onto the bed. Seeing the older Queen’s shocked reaction, Tatianna giggled.

“No, Tati. We just got here. God, gurl, you’re so thirsty.” Alyssa spoke sternly, pointing a finger in Tatianna’s face yet remained lying on her side facing her friend.

“I know, you just need to lie down and relax. God. Get your mind out of the gutter.” Tatianna smirked.

“Nah, baby. We should unpack first,” Alyssa pointed out.

“But old men gotta have their rest!” Tatianna continued to tease. Before Alyssa could even protest about being read, the younger Queen silenced her as she pressed her lips against hers. Despite the sudden clash, her pink lips were soft.

Tatianna lifted her hand to Alyssa’s cheek, caressing her skin gently as their lips moved in sync against each other.

“ALYSSA! YOU GOTTA SEE THIS!”

Alyssa and Tatianna pulled apart quickly, sitting upright on the bed. Alyssa’s eyes widened at the sight of Laganja and Shangela in the doorway. The two looked completely speechless, naturally.

“Well? What is it??” Alyssa demanded, a hint of annoyance to her tone.

“Uhhh…I just wanted to let you know they have a weed grow room.” Laganja tried to explain but finding herself distracted by their messy lipstick. “I can supply more to Bob again.”

Alyssa nodded her head slowly as her eyes just pierced into Ganja’s with that familiar stare she did - god she was such an intense person. “OK, well you two go do…whatever you want, but no leaving the farm! Just get to know the place, set up safety guards or something. Play hide and seek or something.”

“Smoke?” Laganja inquired earning a nudge from Shangela.

“Whatever you want, girl.” Alyssa shook her head but couldn’t help but smirk slightly.

“And what are you two gonna be doing over the duration of the time we do all this?” Shangela teased, folding her arms.

“A lot of unpacking.” Tatianna cut in.

“Well, have fun unpacking our things for us too, girl. Really appreciate it.” Shangela beamed a toothy grin at her as she turned to leave, Laganja following her actions. Before they could leave, Shangela turned around once more looking at the two Queens. “Don’t forget to lock the door this time.”

Before they could see their drag mothers horrified face, the two Queens quickly shut the door, rushed downstairs and out the front door.

*Outskirts of Area 05* 01:17PM

Thorgy Thor took a seat on a bean bag as the engine fired up and the van began to move. She took a bite into her small sandwich when she looked around to Cynthia who was now sitting in the back with the rest of the group, not normal for Cynthia. She always insisted on helping Michelle in the front. Thorgy didn’t like the look on her face quite. She was always so cheerful and full of high energy. But it was the complete opposite in that moment.

“You’ve been kinda quiet since we left Area 05. Something wrong, Cynthia?” Thorgy asked, shuffling closer to her friend.

“I dunno. I don’t think I should bring it up ‘cause everyone’s quite happy right now, you know?” Cynthia uttered, looking around to her team seeing them so happy and entertained.

Thorgy briefly looked away from Cynthia and to her hands, quickly thinking of something else to say, before returning her gaze to the brunette. “Well, if there’s something really getting to you then just know I’m all ears.”

Cynthia smiled and nodded her head before gesturing the Queen to get closer. “It’s just…whenever we pass by Queens on the road I always wonder if I’ll ever see April and Kandy.”

Thorgy’s mouth formed an O as she listened. Taking the information, she looked away and nodded her head. “We probably will eventually. Maybe not any time soon. It could happen a month from now for all we know. A year? Any time to be honest. But we promise, if we do see them, they’re coming with us.”

“But to be honest, with their behaviour the way it is right now, they’re gonna get themselves killed.” Cynthia presumed, sighing heavily.

“You gotta stop listening to the news, honey.” Thorgy cautioned her, holding her hands now.

“I know.” Cynthia groaned looking back to Thorgy. “But I just always worry that they could be in some sort of trouble and I don’t know about it and I miss the chance to help them.”

“Trust me, Cynthia. If that day does come, you’ll know.”

*Boston* Peninsula Apartments 5:30PM

“I’m so bored Brian.”

“Me too, Brian.”

Brian McCook stared out the window of his apartment looking down to the people passing by, free to do whatever they wanted and free to live however they wanted.

His other half, Brian Firkus was seated on the couch, flicking through the gallery on his phone and stopping occasionally at images of his guitar.

“House arrest is the worst.” Brian Mc sighed with frustration, tapping lightly on the window.

“Well,” Brian F started, “that’s what you get for breaking the law.”

Brian F was fully aware of his friend’s house arrest punishment. Yet the crime was still unknown to him. When asked, Brian Mc would only say how he actually deserved what he got. He had once said it wasn’t an extravagant sort of crime like murder or whatever. ‘Cause what crime you commit…isn’t always a shoot up.

“How am I supposed to find a job now if I can’t leave this place?” Brian Mc whined. “I’m definitely not getting money before the rent is due. I guess I’m gonna be homeless soon.” He paused to sigh heavily. “Why is my life so full of problems?”

“You won’t be homeless because you’ll be living here with me while you search for a mother fucking job and new home.” Brian F informed his friend like he did every time this topic came up. “Or you can happily stay with me if you enjoy it AND if you bring in some cash.”

Brian Mc turned his attention away from the window, groaning loudly to exaggerate his frustration. “But don’t you think this city is so boring? I hate this fucking place. It’s full of brainwashed clowns and dead but fully functioning families.”

“I guess it is. I’m sorry, honey, but it’s unfortunately the world we live in today.” Brian F replied, sitting down on the white sofa.

“What happened to the good old days? You know? Gay night clubs. Pride. Just being publicly gay and proud?”

“It’s unfortunately the world we live in today.” Brian F repeated before sighing and kicking his feet up on the furniture. “I suppose you could still be openly and publicly gay but think about the press all those gays out there are getting right now. They might as well go out and straight up ask someone to pop a cap in their asses ‘cause that’s where they’re headed anyway.”

“Yeah but remember; there are some fierce bad ass mother fucking gays out there.” Brian Mc added before his eyes widened and he started waving his hand at his friend. “Ooh! Ooh! Remember that duo we read about in the paper? The two Puerto Rican Drag Queens!”

“I do.”

“I bet we could do something like that. Going out and taking back our rights and shooting up bars full of homophobes and just travelling all over the country spreading the word!”

“That’s a terrible idea.” Brian F replied lifting the needle from the record. “You’re under house arrest and the press will find that out and expose you. A gay criminal traveling across the country with intentions of killing people would make great headlines for the press.”

“I know! But fuck all that! If the Puerto Rican kids can do it, so can we.”

“Well, firstly, those Puerto Rican’s are also Drag Queens. Not just normal re-closeted gays like you and I. They’re both hot as fuck and know what they’re doing. And, secondly, I’m gonna be honest with you.” Brian F started, leaning up on the couch and turning to face his friend. “You and I are idiots. It’s no lie. We are the biggest goof balls going and think about it. Comic relief characters usually get killed off in the movies pretty fast. Like Dobbie from Harry Potter.”

“But that’s just a dumb fake ass movie. I’m pretty sure we could make a statement. Not necessarily by causing mayhem at some bar but through survival. Brian, we could be legends.” Brian Mc pleaded. “I know we’re two dumb guys just thirsty for attention but we have so much going for us.”

“Like what?”

“We’re funny as fuck, well not right now, but usually. You’re a really cute guy and well, I guess I’m not too bad either. We’re charismatic as fuck. We’re unique as fuck. And we’re talented as fuck!” Brian Mc exclaimed, counting his points with his fingers. “And I know deep down that you and I have enough nerve to actually challenge those persecuting our people!”

“Yeah, I guess that is accurately us. But they’re gonna track us down and then our asses are grass.” Brian F continued to explain. “Just bury your dream.”

Brian Mc frowned, slouching on the window sill and resuming his observation.

He couldn’t stand to be part of the system; Hiding his true self, seeking some boring job to help pay bills, putting in his contribution to help create a better society for the people. He longed to live the life he wanted for himself. All he hoped for was to travel the country and encourage those people just like him to not be afraid and stand up against those who wronged them.

But he couldn’t. He knew his friend was right. Even something as small as holding a man’s hand in a store would only earn him a picture in the front page of the cities paper. And knowing those shady bitches, they’d have the worst mug shot to go along with the giant print of his name under the picture. How lucky those Puerto Rican’s are with their pictures in the papers – makeup on point. Hair styled to perfection. How it must’ve been to lead the life of a bad ass, killer, revolutionary Drag Queen.

“Wait!” Brian Mc shot up. “Thats it! Who has to know it’s us! We can go in fucking disguise.”

“Thanks for the idea, Robbie Rotten.” Brian F replied sarcastically.

“No! Shut up! Hear me out, OK. We could go as Drag Queens!” He exclaimed smiling madly at the idea. “How would they even know it’s us? Come on. With a little bit of makeup and some padding or whatever we could become America’s most bad ass Queens.”

“That,” Brian F paused to point a finger directly at his friend, “is yet another awful idea. We don’t even have experience in doing drag.”

“Actually I have experience in experimenting with makeup!” Earning a quizzical look from his friend, Brian Mc rolled his eyes and quickly added, “Jodie Foster Contact make inspired tutorial…Anyway I could pass my knowledge on to you.” Brian Mc’s eyes widened again. “I could be your drag mother.”

“OK. Just for the fun of it I will happily let you do my makeup right now. But I’m not following your Bonnie and Clyde dream thing.”

A few hours and struggles later, Brian F was standing in front of the full length mirror, his mouth hanging open to create a wide O. He couldn’t even recognize the man -or in this case woman- looking back at him through the glass.

“Look at huuuuuuh!” Brian Mc exclaimed creeping up behind his good friend. “She’s got the face of a Barbie doll, the body of Beyonce and the attitude of a mother fucking Drag Queen.”

“I look…nothing like me. It’s like looking at another person. In fact, what person looks like this? I look like a completely different brand of human. I look like my name should be ‘Trixie’ or something.”

“That could be your drag name! Trixie!”

Brian F turned and pointed a perfectly manicured finger in his friend’s face. “No. We’re not becoming Drag Queens, Brian.”

“I’m gonna do my face now.” Brian Mc informed him, ignoring the last comment.

And after another few hours, the moon was now cascading the sky and Brian Mc basked in its glow as he looked at his own reflection.

“I look like a Goddess. I look like the most desirable creature to have ever walked. I look like a legit woman right now.”

“But, girl, look how much you got on! You’re wearing chapstick and mascara compared to my makeup.”

“I know.” Brian Mc continued to admire himself.

“So you get to look like that and I have to look like this?”

“Yep!”

“Great!” Brian F replied, rolling his eyes.

Brian Mc looked away from himself and to his friend’s reflection. “Yeah but don’t you like yours? Like really really like it?”

“Well, yeah, I guess I do really really like it. My eyes look pretty cool. And my lips kinda look like marshmallows.”

“I like what I’ve done to me so far so I dont wanna ruin it by added to it, you know?”

“I get you. So, what’s your drag name.”

Brian Mc thought about it in silence before quickly spinning around and jumping up and down with excitement. “Ooh! Karen from finance.”

“There’s already a Karen from finance.”

“Fuck!”

“If it helps, I once watched an interview with a French Drag Queen who said the perfect Drag name is one that represents you and your interests.”

“Oh, what was her name?”

“Ben Dover. I guess she really liked reaching over tables for things.” Brian F briefly smirked, letting his humorous side come back, before getting back on topic. “But yeah, choose something to do with interests or something like that.”

“I have so many interests though.”

“Well on the count of three, just shout the first interest that comes to your head and we’ll go from there.” Brian F explained. “OK. 3…2…1 - -”

“I LIKE TO TALK IN RUSSIAN TO MEN BEFORE WE HAVE SEX ‘CAUSE IT RILES THEM UP FASTER.”

Silence…Absolute silence…

“Well?” Brian Mc urged.

“You can’t speak Russian.” His friend replied shaking his head giving his friend a quizzical look.

“Yes I can! It’s easy! And guys really do enjoy it. A little too much to be honest.” Brian Mc explained with excitement, beaming proudly of his hidden talent.

“I don’t believe it.”

“Which part? I speak Russian or it really does wonders for my sex life?”

“Both. I need proof.”

“колбаса.”

  Brian Mc was confused hearing a loud moan emit from his friend’s mouth he collapsed to his knees. “The fuck happened to you?”

  “OK. You’re right!” Brian F replied, standing up again and smoothing down his new outfit, blushing with embarrassment at what had just happened. “You do speak Russian. And it is quite…nice to listen to. How about something to do with that?”

  “What about the most Russian name ever? Like something really hard to pronounce!” Brian Mc suggested. “How about ‘Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova’? Oh my God, I really wish I could hear those brainwashed jerks pronounce that on TV.”

  “I like it, but let’s be honest. Who’s got time to say all of that? Pick something shorter, at least for me to use.”

  “OK. I’m gonna go with...‘Katya’?”

  “’Katya.’” Brian F repeated. “Yeah. ‘Katya’. I like that one.”

  “Katya and Trixie it is! Oh my God, I’m so excited!”

  “What for? We’re still not becoming out laws.”

  Brian Mc practically threw himself at his friend’s feet. “Please, Trixie! I know we can do this. Yeah we may be two goof balls. But we can really do this. Think of all the young gay people out there right now suffering because not enough is being done to help us. Our people are shit on daily all because of one dumb Drag Queen’s actions. It’s not fair and it’s time for someone to take a stand.”

  “But the Puerto Rican’s- -”

  “OK, forget about the Puerto Rican’s. We can do a better job than them. I mean, all they do is go around the country killing people. We can make a more effective statement! Please, Trixie. Please understand.”

  Brian F was silent for a moment. Throughout the duration of Brian Mc’s speech, he noted the hint cracking to his voice. He really did care about his community. “You know, sometimes I do wish times could go back to the way they were. All of this happened because of that one Drag Queen.” He paused. “But why? I just don’t get what would bring a Drag Queen to go out into the street and just shoot down a child. Actually, what would bring anyone to do that?”

  “I don’t know. But, if I ever meet him, it’s not gonna be pretty.” Brian Mc threatened.

  “To be honest, he’s probably long gone. No one ever found out what actually happened to him. And so many Queen’s and gay people have been persecuted since.” Brian F explained.

  “Well, if that is the case he’s lucky. I could just…could just…” Brian Mc couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence.

  “Let’s not talk about this. I’m gonna take all this stuff off and go home and sleep. I think it’s best you get some rest too.” Brian F hinted, taking one last look at his reflection and admiring the woman standing there.

  “Don’t you wanna watch a movie before you leave?”

  “Nah, we got an early rise tomorrow.” Brian F replied, collecting his things from the coffee table and putting them in his satchel.

  Brian Mc’s painted eyebrows knit together now. “What? Why?”

  “Well, we gotta hit the road tomorrow.” Brian F turned to his friend, the side of his mouth curling up to a smirk. Brian Mc let a grin spread on his face as excitement took him over. “Don’t forget to pack a suitcase. Bring your makeup, whatever girls clothes you got, shit for padding and duck tape. I got us covered for fire arms. They’re kinda shit but they’re for basic home safety. Hopefully we can pick up better weapons later in life. And also- -”

  Brian F couldn’t continue as his friend was up on his feet and tackling him into a hug. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

  “You best hope I don’t randomly change my mind, bitch.”

  “I’m so scared. But excited at the same time!” Brian Mc exclaimed, tears of joy threatening to spill from his eyes. “Fuck this house arrest gig anyway!”

  “Tomorrow you’ll be free again!” Brian F smiled, pulling away from the other Brian.

  “And we are going to be so revolutionary!”

  The two pulled away and looked to their reflections before Brian F cocked his hip to the side, posing proudly. “Katya and Trixie.”

  “Trixie and Katya. The sound of it sends shivers down my spine. We’re gonna be amazing.” Brian Mc declared as he wrapped his arms around Brian F once more before attempting to climb him like a koala climbing a tree.

[ionica01]

Tagged

Maud girl, I love you, but you'll hate me for this ramble😅 A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed. Well, I'll go with all of them. For OTP, my biggest are EdWin and Royai (from FMA), Karmanami from Assassination Classroom and NaLu from FT. Friendships... I love GrayLu platonically and RoyxMaes is the best brotp😍 and of course I freaking loooove all friendships from Haikyuu and Akatsuki no Yona... And I love Zen and Mitsuhide's relationship in Akagami no shirayuki-hime and Al and Ed are best bros and the freaking platinocial relationship between Handa and Naru gets me everytime and I should probably gp to the next ask before I ramble more than necessary. B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind. Asano x Nakamura... I never even imagined them as a couple... Until I read a perfect fanfiction... And now I ship⛵️⛵️ C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will. I'll be hated.... But EdxRoy (just no, okay?! Mustang's like a dad to Ed!!) and Shirayuki x Obi because Zen😍😍 (I love their friendship tho) D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t. Yamaguchi x Yachi because I wnat Yams to be happy... But HinaYachi is love, HinaYachi is life!! E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what? Not yet, but I joined FMABigBang so I'll add Ed being an overprotective drama queen (or rather, king) dad, so stay tuned! F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? Hmm... Almost a year in the FT fanfom!!! Happy birthday, I guess? G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it? I live for my OTPs! (Which just proved why I'm still single... I have my whole life aheeeaaaad~~) I think one of my first conscious OTPs (in that I knew what that was) was Harry x Hermione and it was shattered to pieces... Damn you, JK Rowling! (I still love you). H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)? Hmm... Anime. Because it's lively and you can actually picture the characters miving when reading a fanfic! I agree with manga too... And sometimes books. Movies feel just too real to be placed in cartoons, though. I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? No, but the haters were closed to it. Tho I did stop liking the small Usagi Drop fandom because of the manga spoilers that ruined my experience... To those who want to watch it, take my friendly advice, PLEASE don't read the manga. The anime is the fluffiest thing, so please just watch that. J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.) Bnha, which is why I started reading it. And Voltron.... I'll watch that soon, too. K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc? Uhm... Well that's a hard one. I absolutely love the subtle and endearing development in Oreki (hyouka) and Haruhi in Ouran, but my favourite has to go to Tsukki for how well-built it was!! Furudate-sensei, I bow im front of you. Also, honrable mention to Karma in Assassination Clasroom. L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.) I don't especially love oikawa. I admire him a tone, and I have a lot of his quotes forever saved in my phone, and I think he's the best setter of them all (I'm sorry, he has more experience and tehnique than Kags or Asaaahi, tho I agree that they'll become better than him in one year's time). So there: I aknowledge his amazingness altough he isn't my fave. M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend. Edward. I want to spend a full day with him and learn how alchemy works (and we'd complain together about how short we are). Also, Haruhi: I feel like she'd give the best advice when I'd need it. N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice). My faveourite fandom is FMA: everyone gets love and attention, and there's little to no hate. What I'd like for it is to make it alive again! I mean, there are events and the such, but the manga finished almost 10 years ago, guys! I hope the new live action will bring us back alive. O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of? Hmm... Well On my Own by Ashes Remain was the first one that popped into my head and it kind of reminds me pf Natsu. He's that character that would always smile, but he's always surpressing his feeling ('I've been stuck in a cage with my doubt/I tried forever getting out on my own') P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). Random AU...? Honestly, I'm not the biggest AU fan, but if I had to, I'd choose 'we've been stuck in a traffic jam for two hours and we're bored, let's play cards; hey wait Gray, you're cheeting; no way I'm not!; mira, doing cutesy things won't help you win... Laxus don't give in!!; if Laxus is allied with Mira so is the thunder legion! Then I'm starting one on my own! Erza, I'll join... Great, now we have Wendy on Erza's side... All dragon slayers together! And exceeds! Wait lucy, starting a female club isn't gonna help ya! ...guys? That's not how you play pocker!' AU. Okay, I may like this one in particular. Maybe I'll write it:) Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why. I've abandoned the HP fandom. I still like the books, but I kinda grew out of it...? (And into anime😇) R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom? Uhm... In which one? If I'm going with FT, my favourite friendship is GrayLu. In FMA, it's a tie... I love Roy/Hughes brotp and Al/Ed brotp. In Haikyuu... Damn they're too many to choose! But I'd say the Karasuno third years: they have such a tight-knit bond!! And in AssClass it would be Karma/Okuda (it's canon in my mind but friendship in the manga). I just love how easygoing they are. Also, I love Karma/Nagisa in the second half. S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged) Hmm... There are many. My fetish is seeing people sleep: I think you can tell alot about their inner selfes from the position they use when sleeping and from their habits, because they can't control or put up a façade when it comes to that. So my headcanon is that despite being loud and obnoxious, Natsu actually occupies less space than Lucy when sleeping: he takes a baby-posture, while she lashes all over the bed, sometimes punching him im sleep unintentionately. Natsu learnt to deal with it: he actually likes holding Lucy close to make sure she's safe while sleeping. She doesn't mind, especially not during winter. Oh and they also cuddle with a cup of hot coffee in their hands during the morning. Just an after-thought~~ T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? I do! I don't care if you agree or not, but Karma can be sweet, okay? Like he can actually be a good boyfriend (tho maybe a bit possessive). He's the best at telling what's on Okuda's mind and he always buys her toffee when she's feeling down. Oh and also, Riza is a very good mother, always putting her family first. Just letting you know. U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites. Yes!! 1)Karma-assassination classroom. He's that one character that believes he's the best, only to get proven that he can be wrong. What's evenbegter is how he has room to develop and grow to be a better person... Plus, it seems I have a thing for evil goofballs. 2)This is a hard one, but Ed/Roy-Fullmetal Alchemist. I abso-freaking-lutely love all the characters in FMA, but these two attracted my attention. Ed because of how he thinks, how he wants to do good deeds in spite of his thorny exterior and how he miserably fails. I love the way he admits his failures and the way he deals with them can be childish (he's 14, for God's sake!) but he learns from them. Also, Roy because even though he went through Ishval, he still dreams of making the world a better place. I can respect a man who doesn't step over the ethics just to achieve that dream and who always bends and avoides hurting others, while never giving up. Maybe it's a dream, but I very much resonate with it. 3) Lucy from FT. She's the one character in Fairy Tail that has enough of a backstory and is weak enough to evolve. Moreover, she's not your typical girl: yes, she cares about how she looks, because she IS an woman, but she also cares about what's on the inside. She cares about her friends more than anything and even without being the strongest mage, still puts herself in danger for them. I love her resolve and her cute side, too. V - Which character do you relate to most? Hmm... Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Haruhi is the type to do things on her own and she repells the help of others to do her thing, which I also tend to do. Also, she shoulders a lot of her worries by herself. Plus, she never judges people on appearance and doesn't care about her own (being a girl, that's rare and helps me relate all the more). I just love her😍 (and sometimes am compared to her by my friends). W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom. Whiny female protagonist. I'm not a feminist or anything, but I've had enough of that! Yes, we all want a prince charming, but we can carry ourselves, thank you very much. X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom. Someone pursuing their dreams. Also, I love genre deconstructions (browny points if it's comedic). Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)? Voltron and Yuri on Ice (I feel like I've watched this shows even though I haven't). Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.) Don't tempt me, I will! ( I kinda have this whole post tho) Okay so I'll rant about FMA because I feel it doesn't get all he love it deserves!!! (And because I refrained from fangirling on it up to now) And since we're talking FMA, let's talk Roy Mustang (you knew this would come). Roy is just one of those very strong people that are actually just goofballs on the interior and need love. Seriously, let's take a look at what this guy went through, ok? He's an orphan, but he never complains and learnt to love his cousins (sisters) and aunt (mom). He was taught by a pretty crazy (very talented, but Hawkeye did have a screw loose for inscripting a tatoo on Riza's back and you can't convince me otherwise) alchemist, and yet he managed to become the next flame alchemy. Despite being told not to, he joined the military with a childish dream and even after learning of the harsh reality in the Ishval war, he still went on believing that he can make the country a better place. Yet he's not perfect: he can lose his temper when it comes to those he loves (Mustang being killed) and he doesn't want any more people to die. He cheerisbes his team and wants to keep them all safe. He can be a cheapskate and also a bit of an annoying guy with Ed, and he can be obnoxious, yet funny as hell (tiny miniskirts!!!) Above all, Mustang feels HUMAN! Yes, he puts up a great act, but it's an *act*. He has a more sensitive side and you better not mess with it, or he'll burn you to ashes. This concludes the short version of my Roy Mustang appeciation post. Also, I have some headcanons about him being best dad (and his child being a daddy's girl/boy because of it) and of being a pretty intimidating Führer. This concludes my post. @bookstvseriesandanimes and @paperrabbit13 know what I'm talking about😅 And I tag @bookstvseriesandanimes @paperrabbit13 @shoujoinsights @candyforever123 @funnyshoujomoments and whoever else feels up to it:)

[cerebralrepeat]

Tagged by @notcrindy (thank you Warren. You're great 😄) to do this alphabet meme. Then I gotta tag 10 people. A- Age: 24 years old. I'll be 25 in three months. B- Biggest Fear: Oh god uuummm. It's a tie between being abandoned and something happening to my loved one that I can't help and fix. C- Current Time: 2:58 p.m D- Drink you last had: Water because I'm boring. Water you waiting for...call my hydration methods unexciting. Lol E- Every day starts with: Me groggily staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what my dream meant. Then I check my messages. F- Favorite Song: I have so many fave songs. I'm going to say Ramble On by Led Zeppelin because I always gasp and turn it up when I hear it on the radio. I've scared plenty of drivers by doing this. Sorry drivers. G- Ghosts, are they real: Yes, they are. Never mess with them unless you know what you're doing. Also, for all that is sacred don't use a Ouija board like a dumbass. Idk how many people I've had to stop from using those. Then they wonder why they're being haunted. God...Sorry rambling. G- Hometown: Home of the Cavaliers I- In love with: what type of love? Idk what to do with this question. Ummm platonic? yes I love all my friends. Familial? yes I love my family not all of them but yeah. Romantic? hahahaha I'm afraid of that one. J- Jealous of: I'm honestly not a jealous person I couldn't really give a shit. K- Killed someone: With my looks and sparkling personality. ;) Seriously though, no not in this life. L- Last time you cried: Last night actually. I've been an emotional nervous wreck lately. M- Middle Name: Lynn. Yes, my name is Becky Lynn the most stereotypical southern name ever. N- Number of siblings: One. My eleven year old brother. Well, two if you include my best friend Lena who I consider a sibling. *Shrugs* O- One wish: I'd wish for everyone to be happy and healthy in all sense of the word. P- Person you last called/texted: My mother. Don't worry my popularity even astounds me. Q- Questions you're always asked: "Did you eat today?", "Did you take your meds? ", Are you feeling okay?", "You're how old?!" etc. R- Reasons to smile: My dog/baby girl, Snapples being preggers, the sound the snow makes when you stomp in it, all of my friends, puns, bright lipstick, my BB8 plushie, memes, Sebastian Stan, Ryan Reynolds fucking existence, that Richard Spencer got punched in the face not on one occasion but two, music, just a lot of stuff. S- Song last sang: Ballroom Blitz by the Ramones T- Time you woke up: 8 a.m. I only had one hour of sleep. Whoo U- Underwear color: White with blue stripes V- Vacation destination: Kalahari water park and resort. I love that place. W- Worst habit: Picking at my fingers X- X-RAYS you've had: I've had a lot of chest x-rays for obvious reasons. Then I had x-rays for my wrist from when I fractured it. Y- Your favorite food: it's a tie between pizza, pie, and mashed potatoes. I can't decide okay. Z- Zodiac sign: Taurus. Sorry if you hate Tauruses, but I can't change it. Tagging: @cryptoatsume @captainsrogers @buckykin @starbuckslovers and anyone else who wants to do this. Like always if you don't want to do it you don't have to.