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yxstxrdrxxm-a · 9 months ago

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SYNOPSIS: Knowing too much may become your downfall: that was the motto that Kaeya lived with until the day he dies.

TW/s: delusional thinking, yandere tendencies, unrequited love, toxic dynamic/s, implications for Diluc’s matchup + darling, conniving bastard won’t say a fucking word, master manipulator, we are going down the memory lane of “fucking people up”, nsfw tws include human trafficking, experimentation, operating on individuals and other things. Please dni if you are uncomfortable.

NOTE FROM HR: Happy Valentine’s Day. Unfortunately, it seems that Kaeya has a few things he’d like to express. I do wonder what they are, considering he did seem a bit somber…

Kaeya was never expecting to be able to get ‘in’ to such a tight-knit company like this, and especially when his lineage can cause people to raise some eyebrows. After all, no one in their right mind would have the chance of employing someone and getting them on the waitlist when they value the sense of ‘authenticity’ to their rentals.

And for him, he might be right. They do value that, but now, it seems they decided to forego their morals for how pretty he looked in the standards of the human population all across the globe.

Now, Celestia Inc. isn't all that bad. It's not that glorious as people make it out to be, all due to its shady past, but it was enough that people don't bother to raid it one day in hopes of having to take it down. After all, they are everywhere online: people may mention their sudden rise in certain niches, and some even mention their still standing operations. One of them was, surprisingly enough, MixMatch.

A dating site.

Back then, it was closed for a group of people to join. A payment for being a 'rental boyfriend', with its payment costs going as high as one can dream. They pay you at least 10 million when you manage to get matched with someone, and entertain them enough that they'd be satisfied. If they aren't, you get 5 to compensate for your troubles.

To Kaeya, this doesn't seem to be a 'dream come true'. To him, he knows that this feels more like a ploy to get others to join in. It was a marketing strategy, so when people join this 'free' and 'hot on the app store' dating app and website, they'd get traction oh so quickly.

He didn't like the idea. It sickened him. But he couldn't be bothered to correct them.

When he joined, he found that it was the same as those corporations he worked at prior. As a host in the past, he managed to get himself used to the workflow and gained traction in over a month. He's heard others comment on how he seemingly captured the public's eye from how different he is, and from his reputation from other countries, they were coming in like drones.

He liked the attention he's got because of that. And yet, for him, it all felt rather empty. Like it wasn't meant to be this long-lasting, and he needed— no, he craved for more.

He was greedy. A greedy man with a hollow heart.

Each smile he sent to his clients was not a genuine smile. Each wink and 'kind' gesture was all a ruse. A stage performance. He didn't feel anything for these people, and he didn't even feel the same as they do. Each confession they have for him was always met with the hollow words of 'I do feel the same way that you do', only to see them get the safer way to go.

He's aware of the dark side of MixMatch. After all, their Boss was nothing short of a past harbinger who stepped down. No one knows his name, no one knows who they are— but their workers all fear him.

He's seen him order the cleaners to get rid of the drugged clients. He's watched them all go down in their homes, ransack and ruin the place, and return with the client gagged and in a drugged rest. He watched with emptiness as they were then operated on with shady doctors, Dottore having a hand in some of these as he used their bodies for his sick desires.

He watched them become human sacks, their bodies empty of their organs but full of salt and junk, and for Dottore to tell them to take the organs down 'below'. He watched them become tied, their jello-like body being tossed to another set where they would be disposed of.

It's a fucked up operation.

Everyone knows this when they get signed up.

And yet, because of regulations, they can never breathe a word of what goes behind the scenes. Not to their friends, families, their coworkers, therapists, no.

Not a single word can be escaped from the confines of Celestia Inc.

If you asked him how his first date went, Kaeya would answer that it went… Interesting.

Sof was definitely the type many would like, especially for a casa nova like him. She isn’t too picky with who she wants, and her affectionate behavior made it easier for the duo to banter. However, what he didn’t like was the fact she’s blind to any sign of danger.

Such is the payment of being the ideal girl many would date, he mused. But I don’t like people who can’t see what danger is, much less even enable that without thinking that they will get hurt, too.

Kaeya is picky with what he likes from someone, and it’s why he’s so high maintenance. To his credit, though, he makes it obvious in his profile. He wanted someone that would be responsible, that would be able to handle the spontaneity of their dates, and that they won’t even judge him if things were going somewhere that isn’t in their plans.

And although many did swipe right on him, he looked through their profiles before checking to see if they were worth it. The answer? None of them were.

Well, except a few, like Sof.

Which is why he’s now regretting that decision, as he realized that she’s simply not the one he preferred to stay with. She was interesting, but he disliked those who can’t even see past the warning signs that go to their face. He found it more or less… Idiotic, in his standards.

Alas, he needed to keep pretending. That’s what he’s good at, after all.

“Where do you want to go?” he asked Sof as they left the restaurant, his easy-going smile present on his face. “I have a few places we can go to next. Although, since it’s getting a bit late, we can plan on heading back home after a short shopping trip.”

“Oh! Uh… Yeah, we can go out and get some groceries. I wanted to try baking when we get home,” Sof replied, a pep in her step as they walked to where he parked his motorcycle. “Hehe, I didn’t know you were a cat person, Kaeya. Have you owned a cat before?”

“You can say that,” he answered, tossing a coin and catching it deftly with one hand—a small trick he’s used to doing when they were simply chatting. “I own a maine coon back home. My brother, Diluc, isn’t a fan of cats. Never was, anyway, since one scratched him when he was young.”

Granted, they were both young and their father warned him, but he knew they were both too mischievous to listen. It was why Diluc hated cats, even when he became a magnet to them.

“Really? Hehe, that’s funny! I remember a friend of mine who hates cats…”

Try as Kaeya might, he could only tune out what Sof was saying. There was a sense of difficulty in paying attention to someone he doesn’t really enjoy being around. He thought of the matches he swiped as those who he really wanted to be with, but meeting with Sof, he felt disappointed.

He didn’t see her as someone that fits his needs. She was just another one of the fakes he had to deal with later. Such a shame. He was starting to like her, too.

Alas, she isn’t perfect. She needs to be perfect. And he’s starting to get annoyed at the sound of her voice.

Too loud. Too piercing. Too imperfect.

No, she can never fit his standards. She never will.

“Kaeya?”

“Mm?” he hummed, seeing her grab her helmet and his hands instinctively grabbing his own. Realizing what he was doing, he laughed.

“Sorry, I just did them while I was zoning out. Hop on, Sof, we need to go to the nearest store and get those supplies.”

“Oh! Of course, hold on!”

He could feel the motorcycle move as Sof got on behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. It reminded him of those scenes in romance movies, where the girl will cling onto her potential lover as they rode off, the sun setting in the background.

He recalled seeing it and feeling that it could be him with his lover, riding off the sunset and simply enjoying the air. The golden hour setting just right, the rays hitting their complexion as he looked at them. He remembered just how lovesick he got at the idea, he craved for that same feeling when he grew older.

Such wild fantasies. He needed to work for it, but how could he, when the people he met were too imperfect?

Riding off, he could see the scene play out. However, his eyes were focused on the road, his ears straining for the beeps and sounds around them. He needed to focus on where he was going, lest he, too, will drive off somewhere else.

Despite the noise that he heard, his mind remained clear.

He knew what needed to be done.

Kaeya had so many things he's kept secret. Every client he has met, he's kept a secret that he can never tell.

Including the ones he sees ever so often.

It was a normal day when he came to the company as usual (and way before things went haywire, oddly enough), and he was assigned with yet another person to go on a date with. Although, the one he was assigned to date next had their form already in the red.

It all screamed imperfect to him. It just looked as though someone pushed her to do it all in one go, especially with the direct bias of seeing who she really likes in her profile.

It made him scowl.

How dumb were they to assign someone like that to him?

"█d████, are you sure you'll be assigning me with her?" Kaeya asked the matchmaker, watching them sigh as they gave him a look. "You know my tastes and all, but their form is rushed. I'm surprised that you haven't bothered trying to get them with someone else."

"Look, Kae, I tried. I tried, okay? But the others that fit them are taken by their previous matches. There is no way that they would simply accept getting switched like that," they explained, trying to assign his match. "Besides, we're running out of time. We need to get it sorted before the Boss gets mad!"

Kaeya scoffs. Seriously? They're always so concerned about someone else, it's ridiculous... And laughable, to boot.

"What will the boss do, hm? Would he come down and interfere?" he taunted them, scowling. "You and I know that he doesn't bother to try. All he does is simply hide himself in there because he's become too paranoid to even care."

"Paranoid? Paranoid? Please, Kaeya, do you honestly think he'd be too paranoid when he's raised a hand against me and the others?"

Kaeya's eyes narrowed. It was true that he raised a hand against them, but that simply proved his point. He didn't exactly understand why they would be so scared of a middle aged man that may drop dead over what happened weeks ago.

"Oh, that's right. You guys are paid enough to not care, don't you?" they taunted, laughing at his face. It sounded so... Forced. Mocking, even. It sounded like they were at their wits end with him, like the stress from the job got to their head.

"Yeah. Yeah, that seems to be it. You all have no remorse after being serial murderers, huh? And for what, your clients?"

"I'd stop talking if I were you, █████e," he warned, but they laughed at his face once more.

"Me? Stop? Never! You guys are all such a pain, I'm tired of playing nice!"

Even if Kaeya wanted to, he had to hold his tongue. Watching their face contort to mania, he was reminded of why the job was so twisted to the point of being inhumane.

It drives their workers into madness.

Watching Cupid lose it, he stepped back, mumbling an apology as he turned to leave. Even when he closed the door, he could still hear the echoes of their laughter, soon followed with sobbing. He knew that they were at their limit, but still...

...

He watched Eros come by, giving him a knowing look.

"Did you push them over the edge?" Eros asked, scowling. "They're going to leave the company after this week. Don't make this harder than it has to be, Alberich."

"I didn't expect them to break this much and you know it, Eros," he reasoned, but they only shook their head and walked off towards their office.

"That doesn't mean that you and everyone else weren't at fault."

Watching Eros enter their office, he could only sigh. Perhaps he's in a bit of denial, but he didn't think that she, of all people in the industry, would ever say that.

It truly goes to show where his dedication and loyalty lies.

If there was one thing he was right on, it would be his second date.

Unlike Sof, his date with Eli did not go as well as he had feasibly hoped for. Maybe he had his doubts set too high, because he was convinced that she simply wasn’t fit for the app as a whole. To him, he had thought that she would ever learn from her mistakes, but the way she acted like she was the one being inconvenienced irked him.

He hated that she’s too avoidant. He hated those types of people.

To him, he never understood why you’d go on the app to find love. Will you ever treat those you dislike the same way? Act like you were the one being inconvenienced, and not the one that has to deal with your childish acts?

Kaeya can be mischievous in his own way, yes, but even he has decorum. And frankly, he despised those who think they can act so two-faced with him. He isn’t a fool.

While his date was busy acting like they were in a good relationship (and not one where she wanted to ditch him in the middle of the day), he took the chance to check on his phone. Already, he could see notifications from TeyvaTweets, rambling about how her recent date is not the one for her.

[ I wanted Alhaitham or Wriothesley, but this guy swiped right instead. ]

[ He’s pretty, but I don’t really like him all that much lol. ]

[ Oh god im gonna get back on my date, going to lyk if it goes horribly. ]

He turned the phone off and frowned. He didn’t want to show it, but he does sometimes wonder if her being nice was simply just a ploy to keep him entertained. After all, she has expressed (on her private account, that is) that she’d drop Kaeya to “go after that hottie”, whilst attaching the photo of the boss of MixMatch.

What a joke.

They all know that the Boss would simply use her and leave her to rot. No one would look at him, go through his background, and tweet at how they can still try to get to him. ‘To get to know him better’, as one would say.

“Hey, uh, I gotta go. I have to go to the hospital to check on them.”

Lies. He knew she didn't. Besides, she couldn’t be bothered to look him straight in the eye as she told him. What is he, an idiot?

Still, he was glad it was over. Putting on a face of mock concern, his brows furrowed and he spoke.

“Oh? I see… Do you need me to drive you there?”

“No need! I can handle it,” Eli answered, packing up her things as they left the cafe awkwardly. “I’m so sorry if we have to cut it short. You must have so many plans for our date today, especially when things are getting hectic in the agency.”

Kaeya laughed, but not out of amusement. It was simply out of… politeness, in a way. Sure, he had work to do with the agency, but what they’re doing is far more different. And for him, he could hardly care if he had lost that job because he decided to slack off.

After all, he knew his date didn’t bother to give him the respect he deserved. So why should he do that in return? He’s bound to see her tweet again about this ‘awful experience’ or something.

“It's alright, I was thinking it’d come to this. I’ll catch you later then.”

Waving at Eli, he watched as she did the same and left, though the sight of her walking so stiffly as if she was scared of him brought him a bit of amusement in return. When he was sure she was gone, he lowered it with a sigh.

Another failed date, and this one was the worst he’s gotten. Unlike Sof, he didn’t feel all too bad about Eli—after all, both of them never liked each other, so why should he?

Pulling up his phone, he began to dial someone’s number. He, truthfully, never thought of needing help from the likes of him, but he had to call it when the truth was staring at him in the face.

That he and a few others needed their services to deal with a few too many bad matches, and especially ones that want to get near to those that will never look twice. Especially those who thought of him as a good guy for his actions.

Then, he clicks the call button. And it starts to ring.

He could vaguely feel it vibrate as he waited for someone to answer. The caller ID was someone that he knew too well, and especially with how their relationship is like after everything that has happened.

Each time he didn’t feel them pick up, he could only sigh and head to his ride. He knew they were avoiding it, but he wasn’t going to let up until he’s sure they’d take the call.

…

And when he felt his hopes dwindle, he felt the vibration of his phone stop, alongside a gruff and annoyed voice.

“Kaeya. I thought you and I agreed not to call each other when we’re both busy in work hours.”

“Hmm, we have, but I just needed to ask you a bit of favor, mr. Diluc,” he replied, humming in amusement. “Are you still looking for people that can help you with the wine tasting? Especially that new brew you made?”

He could hear Diluc take a deep breath, and the sigh that followed made him smile a tad wider. Even when they were all twisted in their way, he knew that Diluc remained the same way that Kaeya always knew him to be.

It’s a shame, though. They aren’t as close as he remembered, especially after what happened years ago.

“... Yes, I am. I found some that are willing, but they haven’t come back to inform me when they’ll be available.”

“I see… Well, I have someone I would love for you to meet. I’m sure you’ll like her—she fits you just right.”

No man could say a single soul what Kaeya is capable of.

Some rumored that he was a demented man, masquerading as but as a young police officer who’s mischievous and doesn’t enjoy spending long hours in his work. Others, though, say that he may be one of those people who are involved in the mess that was the Ghost Killings, at how his smile and demeanor can be so… off-putting.

As for his beloved, the one he deemed to be perfect, well… It would be neither. Kaeya was Kaeya, after all. Even if he were to be sick in the head, there was no way in Hell would anyone be able to get a single word from him.

Descending downstairs, Kaeya looked over at the room he’s decorated all for his beloved. The one he was truly, truly meant to be was all kept safely in there, double locked for his safety, and so that no one may find them. Grabbing the keys, he began to insert them in the padlocks and turn them, pushing the door open when he was done getting through the restraints.

Laid before him was his own personal darling, all laid so pretty and docile on the bed he set for him. Sure, he couldn’t speak, for his mouth had been gagged, but those dull eyes spoke more than Kaeya’s one eye could ever hope for.

“I’m home, darling,” he called out, the lovesick man stumbling to the rather complacent lover he had in his house. “Oh, I do hope I haven’t left you rotting here for so long, my dearest. Work has been exhausting for me to deal with.”

They hadn’t said a word to him, but he didn’t care. It was almost like he heard them whisper something to him, making him laugh like he was demented.

“You’re jealous? Over what, pray tell?”

Silence. Then another beat of laughter, this time more unhinged and loose than the first.

“Over them? Darling, you wound me! They’re far, far too imperfect. I have simply made sure that the ones I got were to be taken care of. You always said you wanted to have their eyes.”

Oh, he’s aware of what happened to Ba. Ba had an accident years, years ago. Their relationship had been rocky, sure, but that accident had led Kaeya to go through grief. It was almost ironic, for he experienced the first of it by his adoptive father dying.

He was unable to do anything for his adopted father. Diluc resented him for his inaction, thus, their separation. And with poor Ba… He resents the world for taking him away.

The first time he’s felt love was during college with Ba, but it was the first toxic one he had. He hadn’t been the best man for his first love, and it led to them having arguments and extreme disagreements. It wasn’t always like this, but it hurts Kaeya when they fight.

It hurts to see the person he adored too much to hate him. Spew his name out like it’s a sin.

So when Ba died during the height of their biggest fight, Kaeya was going through it again. However, he had the means to… Assist Ba in his partings.

All it truly took was the cost of his heart and his eyes to get back what’s his.

Tracing over the open chest, he grabbed the bloodied, unbeating heart that he got from Eli’s corpse. Ah, it was too imperfect, but slotting it inside Ba’s felt like it was meant to be. Those eyes he took from another girl had been replaced, slotting in the ones from Sol.

He always resented those that couldn’t see, nor those who couldn’t feel.

But now, looking at his lover who owned those faults, he couldn’t help but laugh and love them all the same.

Ba is now complete. Kaeya knows that.

And yet those tears still fell as the beat of his heart was the only one left in the world.

The world that took Ba away, and his humanity along with it.

@.throw-letter-away | do not republish or repost my works anywhere | 2024

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paimonial-rage · 2 years ago

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secret identities and whatnot

ship: xiao x reader x venti

synopsis: in which reader finds out xiao is a fellow fan of a certain musician and venti wants to find out who

notes: idol!au; follow up stories will be posted following venti's route and xiao's route

You frowned as a soft melody traveled through the halls of Teyvat Entertainment. Having worked there for months, you knew it didn’t belong to any of the groups or talents. Their songs fell more into the pop category with the occasional ballad, but this was different. It was a delicate piece, beautiful, yet subdued. And as you followed the sound, you couldn’t help but feel you knew this song from somewhere. But where?

When you opened the door to the practice room belonging to 5WIRL, there was Xiao mid-pirouette, and then it sunk in. You did know this song! In fact, how in the world did you not recognize it in the first place!? You used to listen to his songs on continuous repeat when you were younger. But more important was Xiao! After all–

You rushed up to him and took his hands in excitement.

“You know who Barbatos is? Are you a fan??”

There were practically sparkles in your eyes as you gazed up at the soft-spoken man in sheer excitement. With your heart beating so fast, you didn't even realize you didn't give him a chance to respond before you continued.

“This song is ‘Cecilia’ from his first album, ‘Der Frühling,’ right? While he has gotten a bit more traction over the years, most people aren’t even aware of this album!! So obviously you have to be a fan, right? What is your favorite song from the album? Is it this one? Mine is ‘What is a Windblume?’”

Perhaps you did sound a bit fanatical, but could anyone blame you? Barbatos, though a phenomenal composer, was not necessarily well known. While it was said he ghostwrote a lot of songs for groups and movies that immediately topped the lists, his personal works were few and far between. It didn’t help that he opted to remain anonymous. So to find someone that actually knew who he was absolutely astounded and excited you! You finally had someone to gush over Barbatos with!

It was unfortunate that in your excitement, you didn’t notice the rather confused expression on your companion’s face. While you were a regular face in the office and at concerts, you were usually fighting with Venti or assisting the other members of 5WIRL. He always assumed you were intimidated by him, but seeing how you were practically up in his face with sheer giddiness, he concluded that wasn’t the case.

“I’m not that much of a fan…” He mumbled, turning his face away.

You frowned.

“But you have to like at least one of the songs to be listening to this album!!” You pleaded.

He let out an exasperated sigh. And after a few moments of silence, he finally responded.

“‘Floating Lights…’”

Your heart suddenly stopped… before jumpstarting a mile a minute. A wide grin blossomed upon your lips as you squeezed his hands and hopped excitedly.

“You mean the song he was rumored to have made during a trip to Liyue for the Lantern Rite?? That’s not even on this album!!! There’s no way you’re not a fan! Which part is your favorite? The beginning with the lyre? Or is it that floaty part with the flute?”

If you weren’t up in his face, you were definitely there now. Or at least that’s where you would have been had a rather… annoying voice not joined the conversation.

“Oh? What are you both talking about?”

Your lips immediately pulled into a pained grimace. And just as expected, you turned to see the leader of 5WIRL with his green tipped locks and deceptively sweet smile.

It was not a secret among the members and staff of 5WIRL that you didn’t get along with Venti. Where all the members of 5WIRL were calm and sweet (for the most part), Venti was lazy and uncontained. How many times were you called in the middle of the night to pick him up from random taverns? How many times did you find yourself cleaning up after him in the practice studio? You had no doubt your life would be much simpler if he just weren’t around.

Still, as much as you hated to admit it, he wasn’t popular for no reason. The picture he painted of himself to his fans was of an impish fairy. Ethereal in looks, yet mischievous in nature. Sweet-tongued, yet as unpredictable as the winds. If anyone asked you, though, you’d say he was more akin to a demon. But… you supposed he was a great songwriter and lyricist. Not as good as Barbatos, mind you, but still halfway decent.

“We’re talking about our shared love of a very amazing songwriter,” you replied with an upturned nose.

“A songwriter? Which one? Maybe I’ve heard of them!” he replied with curious excitement.

You gave a wry snort of laughter.

“Oh, I highly doubt it. He’s very underground. Certainly not mainstream like you. And his music has a lot of depth, I’m not sure you’d understand…”

“Really? Then I’d love to know who he is! Maybe I can learn a thing or two, hehe!”

Much to your dismay, Venti didn’t become irritated nor upset. Rather, he seemed to be even more interested. Xiao, on the other hand, became more and more concerned with each word that left your mouth. In fact, had you been paying attention, you would have seen him hesitantly holding his hand out as if to stop you from driving your train of sheer arrogance straight off of the cliff of rude awakening!

“Well, for your information, his name is–”

“First!”

You nearly jumped out of your skin. Spinning around, you were shocked to see that it was Xiao with a more intense look of frustration on his face than usual. Even though it could be no one other than him that yelled your name so loudly, you could hardly believe it. But now that he finally had your attention, it seemed he didn’t quite know what to do next. If you were paying attention, however, you would have noticed a pair of very observant eyes watching the scene unfold before him.

“... The… manager wants to see you,” he finally got out.

You frowned. The manager? You were pretty sure you already handled everything they asked for… Maybe they needed you for something else.

“Did they text you what they wanted?” You asked curiously.

He shook his head.

You sighed.

“Well, hopefully I didn’t forget to do something. I’ll see you two later.”

With that, you slowly trudged your way over to the door. You were really hoping you weren’t needed for something important. Today was supposed to be a slow day. But before you could get any farther, a hand grabbed yours.

“Wait! Can you tell me the name of that composer first, please? If he’s better than me as you say, then you gotta tell me who he is!” Venti begged sweetly.

Xiao’s shoulders stiffened.

“The manager has texted me twice already. Don’t make them wait,” he interrupted.

“Aw, c’mon, Xiao,” Venti groaned. “It’s not going to take them any longer to tell me. Who is it, first?”

“First, they’ve just texted me again.”

“Please? I just want to know his name! Tell me? Pretty please?”

“Just go already.”

“No, don’t listen to him!”

“First.”

“First!”

You exploded.

“QUIET ALREADY!”

You turned to Xiao first.

“The manager can wait just five more seconds! Do you want me gone so badly?”

You then turned to Venti.

“And you! If you really must know, his name is Barbatos. He makes the most wonderful music in the whole entire world. The way he can paint the most beautiful scenes with his lovely melodies is proof that he is an angel in human form. For some time, I couldn't even sleep without listening to his music, so I really owe my life to him! He was my first love and he's way more the musician than you’ll ever be!”

You then turned, stomped off, and slammed the door behind you.

After a few moments of silence, Xiao let out a long drawn out sigh.

“This is why they dislike you so much.”

“Ehe!”

[SIDE A: Venti]

[SIDE B: Xiao] (coming soon)

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #venti #venti x reader #xiao #xiao x reader #my writing #this was finished before wanderer's release and i was honestly just too lazy to update it #this is based off of that scene in gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun chapter 14 #where waka tells seo abt lorelei #also for anyone that requested something recently i'm still working on your things #my brain hasn't been working as of late #i only posted these two things bc i was legit 95% done with them for like 3 months #didn't require much brainpower #i'll get back into the zone soon

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elderflowergin · 2 years ago

Note

Would you please do an AO3 wrapped or google docs wrapped? Thank you. <3

Anon-nim, anytime for you!

How many words have you written this year? 59,924 on ao3 33,733 on Gdocs, between WIPs and fics that I wrote for not-publishing.

How many works did you publish this year? Five over two fandoms.

What work are you most proud of (regardless of kudos/hits)? It would have to be The Freshman from Mapo, which I started as a lark for @rain-hat on her premise of, what if Jang Tae-jun in Chief of Staff secretaried for a President Jung Woo-sung? This started out as purely vibes exercise, and somewhere along the way grew a plot and a story. It was my first attempt at constructing a three-way relationship and I thought I gave a decent try of it. But most of all, I enjoyed the heck out of writing it, and I really enjoyed writing it for Rain, Pri and myself. I did not expect to get any traction out of it because it's so niche, so every time I've seen a kudo on it, I think - oh! You liked this strange little story too. Thank you.

What work of yours has the most hits? This year, it was the process of discovery.

What work of yours got more feedback than you expected? the process of discovery. I didn't anticipate that much of a readership for a niche pairing.

Favorite title you used I liked all the titles I used this year, but I still think of "right hand man" and chortle to myself from time to time.

If you use song lyrics, which artist’s songs did you pull from the most? None that I recall of this year, which is funny since all my fic titles from before 2022 were from song lyrics.

Pairing you wrote the most for this year? I guess it would have to be Jang Tae-jun/Kang Seon-yeong/OMC.

Favorite pairing you wrote for this year? Probably Jang Tae-jun/Kang Seong-yeong/Han Gyeong-jae, given the amount of time I've given them this year. Jung Myeong-seok and Jang Seung-jun were a stealth favourite. I didn't expect to write them, much less to enjoy them as much as I did. (I still wish for the @drivingsideways version of their love story, since no one gets Choi Dae-hoon like she does.)

What work was the quickest to write? Ironically, the process of discovery which I think I pulled together in a week or so. (Yes, this is considered quick for me.)

What work took you the longest to write? I started The Freshman from Mapo sometime in January of this year in a Google doc and finished uploading it to ao3 close to the end of June. I have a Vincenzo WIP that I started last year and am nowhere close to finishing.

How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year? 3 at the moment.

What’s your longest work of the year? The Freshman from Mapo at 29,202.

What’s your shortest work of the year? Prelude, at 4,316.

What WIP are you taking into next year with you? I wrote Freshman from Mapo intending to write a triad relationship, but I never got to it in the text of the story. One of my WIPs is a continuation in that 'verse, with them feeling each other out, finally teasing out the romance. I have a minor WIP that picks up during the time Seon-yeong and Tae-jun were separated, when Tae-jun was an Assemblyman.

The other major WIP is a Vincenzo fic that picks up from one of my stories from last year, and the premise: what if Hong Cha-young was the agent of her own revenge, and became a plant in Babel with an assist from a not-Italian Vincenzo Cassano?

What’s your most common “Additional Tags” tag? Original Male Character, maybe? or AU - Canon Divergence? My tagging is not comprehensive!

Your favorite character to write this year? Kang Seon-yeong was a deep, abiding pleasure for me; a hardworking little nerd who is also canny and wonderful. I liked writing about her relationship with her best friend (also an OC I enjoyed writing) and all the people around her. Jung Myeong-seok fell out of my fingertips, like a person I had known for a while.

For the OCs: I enjoyed writing Han Gyeong-jae so much, because it was a kind of a fantasy for me to write a man like him - a guy who's not threatened by smart, ambitious women, and will cede his capital when called upon to do so without making a big deal out of it.

The character that gave you the most trouble writing this year? Oh, Jang Seung-jun, the toughest nut to crack. If only because canon did not do justice to him, and I had to find my way to what Jang Seung-jun could have been. Is he nice? Not really! Is he a good person? I don't think so. Does he love Jung Myeong-seok more than life itself, and would he guard everything that Myeong-seok considers important? 100 percent yes. But he did not make it easy for me to put that in writing.

What’s one pairing you want to explore next year? A M/F pairing for Reborn Rich, currently airing, which would require significant canon divergence. Some day I will write that Moon Ji-woong/Ji Seung-wan story that lives in my head, for which I wrote a bit and lost steam, but between Hakuna Matata and Lips Against Mind we are complete in that pairing.

I keep thinking about Bloody Heart's Left State Councillor Jang Hyuk and his lady love, the Queen Dowager, and I have an epistolary fic I want to write, but it lives only in my head for now. And then there's gorgeous Song Ha-young from Through the Darkness. Some day!!

Which work of yours have you reread the most? I don't re-read my own stories very much, but for the purpose of not contradicting myself, I had to reread Freshman a few times.

How many kudos in total did you get this year? 188

Which work has the most comments? the process of discovery. Again, I think this is more because of timing than anything else.

Did you do any collaborative works this year? I'll be honest: most of everything I've written wouldn't exist if not for the galaxy brains of @rain-hat and @drivingsideways.

Did you write any gifts this year?

I wrote Prelude and the freshman from mapo for @rain-hat, and the process of discovery for @rain-hat and @drivingsideways.

Did you receive any gifts this year?

Yes!

Something Rotten by @stickypearls1 for the Kingdom fandom; a smart, sexy and dark story about Queen Cho and Prince Lee Chang. Please read it and tell stickypearls how fabulous she is.

Hakuna Matata by drivingsideways for the 25 21 fandom, an absolutely adorable, lovely look at future Moon Ji-woong and Ji Seung-wan.

Terms of Surrender by drivingsideways, her magnum opus fic that everyone has to read <i>right now</i> and the follow ups Moon River and Instructions for Dancing. Terms was a lovingly detailed, beautifully drawn epic love story, and somehow drivingsideways went from that to Juche, a Hunteu fixit which gave us everything the movie should have. I had nothing to do with these stories - I just happened to be present when they were happening, and I am very fortunate in that.

What’s your most common category? I don't think I have one.

What do you listen to while writing? It depends, but this year I've usually played lo fi music.

Favorite work you wrote this year? Freshman from Mapo, because things fell into place very neatly and the story sort of wrote itself into being.

Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

The passage about the shooting in Freshman, which was the first I wrote for it. I like it because there's no way I would have written the rest of the story if it hadn't started with it.

I'm partial to the Jang Tae-jun/Han Gyeong-jae kiss as well, because it was so hard to get right, and I rewrote it several times before I thought it was good to go.

But I think my favourite will always be this passage, because it hit the beats I needed:-

The flight’s well in progress, with most of the staff hung over and fast asleep. It’s dark with the exception of a small reading light in the President’s part of the cabin. Tae-jun goes to him, moving unnoticed and unwatched.

“Sir?” he asks. President Han is reading, and he looks up.

“Chief,” he says, closing his notes and taking off his glasses. “I was just about to get some shut-eye.”

“I shouldn’t impose,” says Tae-jun, but President Han shakes his head.

“You’re not,” he says, turning out his reading light. He casts an eye behind, clearly trying to sort out if anyone is up.

“They’re all asleep,” says Tae-jun, settling in the seat next to the President, like he’s done a thousand times, maybe more; except it feels perfectly natural to place his hand on the armrest, to inch it close to the President’s, to trace a line along the fingers that had tended to him last night, then down in between his now-white knuckles.

He turns to Tae-jun, and his eyes fall to Tae-jun’s mouth.

“I’m not being flippant,” Tae-jun manages to say, because Seon-yeong would say it’s best to be direct about these things. “I would never be flippant about you, or the boys.” President Han’s head dips, and Tae-jun’s heart kicks into overdrive, but it’s really only to nose against Tae-jun’s shoulder.

“I’m going to want to pretend it never happened,” says President Han in a whisper.

“I thought you might,” Tae-jun replies.

“Don’t let me forget, hmm Chief? Don’t let me pretend.”

Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That I still had stories to tell and that people are still reading them. That I have friends to write and read with, who are also writing stories that I live to read. Thank you!

#ao3 wrapped #gin text post

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mannatea · 2 years ago

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💝 for the writers ask meme!

💝what is a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

Oh, man. I've been surprised a few times in my life by the responses toward stories I've posted online, but a lot of that has come in hindsight. Like, the first darkfic (fic with dark themes?) I ever wrote got a shocking amount of attention (embarrassed to say this was a Tales of Symphonia story) and looking at it now I just...have no clue where all the love from readers came from or why.

For more recent fics, "All of Me" was just a random prompt I saw and yet it's the most popular thing I've written since 2014 by a wide, wide margin. "Pristine" was a similar experience: it's probably my second or third most popular story but it was a prompt someone kind of jokingly gave me to write! Pristine was fun in that I wrote it as a "twist" ending story (with foreshadowing) but I wasn't surprised by the fact that only about 50% of the readers figured it out before they got to the end; I fully anticipated that and consider the fic a success because of it. The wild part was just how much people seemed to like it.

For other stories that got weirdly positive reception when I didn't expect it: Softly (Frederick x Cordelia, FE13), Fools Rush In (Fiora x Eliwood, FE7), A Nohrian Grave in Hoshido (Ryoma x Scarlet, FE14) and The Bravest (Lyn & Eliwood, FE7). The rewrites of the FE7 and FE13 fics didn't get much traction but people don't comment like they did in the old days, so I'm not surprised.

Soliloquy (FE7 KentLyn) was about alcoholism and not only got a surprising amount of support from readers as it was being written, but someone even emailed me RECENTLY asking to reread it (as I deleted it in 2016). If you would have asked me how I felt about that story before I got the email asking to reread it, I would have said I was ashamed of it. I still can't reread it because I'm afraid of it being embarrassing but obviously it resonated with a few people out there.

#other than surprisingly popular as a reaction #i've never been surprised at any other reaction #like maybe lack of response at all has gotten me before?#but i can't remember what stories off the top of my head

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questionsatemybrain · 8 months ago

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Day before yesterday, at about 8 a.m., my existence got unexpectedly much better when my 2011 Kia Rio decided to start and then run like a normal car after 4 months of being totally inoperable. Excited for the possible employment opportunities the city has to offer, I drove an hour away from the rural-ish town I live in to my friend's place in Dallas so that this morning I could wake up refreshed and begin applying for careers in my profession/retail/warehouses...anywhere that will hire me so I can start earning money again. Well, this morning I got antsy and decided to go grab myself a Gatorade from the gas station. Apparently, that was asking too much bc my car died in the middle of the road. It was dark still and there were barely any other drivers out. I put the Rio in Neutral, got out, and started pushing my car into the nearest parking lot. I was using all the strength and force I posses and still it barely crept forward. I was wearing my houseshoes bc I (foolishly, and I'll explain shortly) didn't anticipate any of this. I was slipping and sliding bc the soles had no traction at all. Three separate vehicles slowed down to watch me struggle; two of those passing cars had drivers who catcalled/laughed/said inappropriate stuff about my appearance...all before ultimately just driving away to enjoy their normal day, I guess. Finally, one man stopped to help me push. We finally got it in a parking space in a legit parking lot and attempted jumping the battery a few times before I said I wanted to just wait for daylight. This gentleman offered me a ride home, so I gathered my belongings and reached to grab my keys out 9f the ignition. Lo and behold! Not only will the engine not turn over; the fucking ignition wont release my keys.

I lost it. My heart was beating so fast I started to feel lightheaded and was bracing myself for the full panic attack experience. This gentleman is just watching me fall apart and I'm so embarrassed, but I can't stop bc if I don't let myself cry and release all of this, I'll pass out.

I'm so tired. I'm tired and I'm DONE.

I'm F*CKED. Once again. I don't know how I'm going to fix this or even get back to my house as a first step (which is an hour away).

I'm so done. Everytime I get back up and gather the strength to take steps forward, the pointless absurdism of my life kicks me straight in the teeth, and I'm knocked back further than I was before.

Like, how DARE I expect anything but setbacks and let-down's. This is what I get for having the hubris to feel hope and joy.

My entire life has been like this. I don't know what it's like to just fully enjoy something bc experience has taughte that my lot in life will be to live in the thin space between anxiety and loathing forever waiting for The Other Shoe to Drop. I ought to have known better than to allow myself to feel hope for the future when the Kia initially cranked up.

I don't have any money.

I don't have support resources.

I don't have a ride home.

I have nothing but my absurd fucking existence that annoyingly just keeps going.

I'm done trying. What's the point? This country is a fucking impossible dystopia for anyone that's not grotesquely wealthy.

I GENUINELY, DESPERATELY NEED SOMEONE TO CARE ENOUGH TO HELP AND I JUST.....DO NOT HAVE THAT.

I don't anticipate this will reach anyone, but ffs I hope if it does, one person might come thru and help me.

I don't know how to describe how I feel except beaten-down and hopeless. Oh, and hungry (bc poverty), and I'm in a not-insignificant amount of pain from slipping, sliding, and falling earlier trying to push a whole vehicle on my own with all 135 lbs of me.

If anyone found themselves willing and able to help me, I would be surprised as hell and very likely burst into tears of gratitude.

My CashApp tag is : $Pfitz1984!

An uber ride from Dallas, TX to Greenville, TX is about $55 or so

I'm poor, I have no family willing to step in and offer any type of support beyond basically telling me to grab onto the bootstraps I don't have. My friends are struggling just as much as I am, so I won't even tell them about this (much less ask for help)

#dystopia #car problems #pls help #feeling alone #absurd #Dallas #texas #east texas #kia #i hate it here #fml

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televinita · 1 year ago

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2023 Goodreads Choice Award Winners - Reactions

Opinion time! Long, loud opinion time.

FICTION - Yellowface: wow! I figured this was a strong contender but I did not expect it to stomp 2nd-place finisher (Hello Beautiful) by a margin of nearly 4 to 1. I guess it had more time to gain traction? Happy my pick (aka the only one I might actually read) The Wishing Game got 3rd at least.

HISTORICAL FICTION - Weyward: doesn't look like my cup of tea but not bad. At least it's a cool cover. I wasn't super invested in the outcome of this race. My pick (the one actually on my TBR before the first round, The Echo of Old Books) only got 6th but oh well.

MYSTERY/THRILLER - The Housemaid's Secret: honestly that surprises me, I knew she was popular but I thought it would go to Lisa Jewell or Riley Sager. (who did take 2nd, by not a huge loss, and 3rd, respectively)

(I loooove Kate Morton but I only voted for her book in round 1 to get it contending; I still think she was misplaced in this category. My 2nd round vote went to Sager on a hunch...but I'm fine with the winner. It seems a bit generic for my tastes but not bad at all.)

ROMANCE - Happy Place: SWEET BABY JESUS THANK ALL THE ANGELS ABOVE that Emily Henry's massive fanbase is in fact strong enough to crush Ali Hazelwood, 'cause nobody else is. I ultimately picked the Jimenez book for my vote because between her and Henry's book that one sounds sliiightly more my taste, and I'm relieved that wasn't wasted.

I don't like how how up my sworn nemesis Curtis Sittenfeld's book still landed, nor some of the trashier titles (they have shirtless-man covers in their true form I just know it); I was hoping The Seven Year Slip would do better because it was both well received and seems more in line with the women's-fiction kind of romance I like, though this particular title didn't thrill me. Still: the evil has been defeated! (she said, forgetting there were two categories to clear)

ROMANTASY - Fourth Wing: lmaooooooooooo we all knew this was going to win but TEN TWELVE TIMES more votes than the 2nd place finisher?? Twelve?? Almost 400k in total; I don't think any book has ever had that many votes put toward it in the history of the awards. And since 2nd place was not-particularly-romantasy-like Assistant to the Villain, I have to assume everyone was desperately trying to conscientiously object to either that book's inevitable win or the category in general.

FANTASY - Hell Bent: gdi I specifically did not want that to happen. By a comfortable margin, too, ugh. What little I've heard about Ninth House sounds gross and this cover is also gross. I don't wanna look at it. Emily Wilde 4 lyfe. (4th place)

SCIENCE FICTION - In The Lives of Puppets: *shrug* not surprised, TJ Klune feels a bit inescapable. But ultimately I did not have a horse in this race.

HORROR - Holly, by Stephen King: oh, good for him. He has not actually won every time he's been up for it, and this one sounded decent. (I abstained from voting in this category too, because for all that I love scary books I've not read any of these and don't feel particularly called to)

YA FANTASY - Divine Rivals: oh, okay, so that one is the heavy-hitter, nearly double the 2nd place pick (whatever stephanie garber book is up this year) I picked A Study in Drowning, just because I can't in good conscience choose enemies to lovers, but the important thing is we kept Cassandra effing Clare away from the crown.

*holding my breath as I wait for the next category, the one I'm most invested in after romance, to load...*

YOUNG ADULT - Check & Mate:

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My scream shattered the rafters. When I first saw Ali Hazelwood's name in there I thought, okay, YA, perhaps she has toned down her garbage enough to be readable? but then I looked at the reviews and I am very much not confident that this actually reads like YA. If it does, I suspect it might be the kind of YA that Teen Me hated and Adult Me still doesn't love.

Anyway. The point is I specifically voted for The Brothers Hawthorne to avoid this, but while that did take 2nd place, even that powerhouse series failed to dominate (though only by 3k! closest race so far i think) over this woman who is now officially my sworn enemy. Colleen who? I have never held half the animosity toward that woman like what has been growing in my heart for Hazelwood.

DEBUT NOVEL - Weyward: well I guess that makes sense. (I didn't vote in this one either...although I could have sworn that The Wishing Game was in this one too? because I thought I voted for it at least in round 1...oh n/m, I see. "Why are there only 19 books in this category? Following new information from an author that they had previously published under a pen name, one book was no longer eligible for this category and was removed."

NONFICTION - Poverty, By America: look, I'm just glad it's not the "I'm voting for this because it's funny" Butts book. But I voted for the Pacific Crest Trail one about missing hikers because a Goodreads friend gave it 5 stars and also it's the only one that interests me.

All right, time to see how much Britney Spears won the next category by...

MEMOIR & AUTOBIOGRAPHY - The Woman in Me: but not quite by double! I honestly did not think Prince Harold had that many fans. (I love calling him Prince Harold (The Ridiculous) don't take this from me) Really surprised that Pageboy got 3rd; pure diversity rep vote? Thought those who actually read it agreed it was disjointed and poorly structured. Anyway. I can't really talk because I voted for Paris (Minka Kelly first, hoping to get her to round 2, but then Paris Hilton because I genuinely did enjoy that one more than i expected)

Up next is history/biography. Did the dad book win?

HISTORY & BIOGRAPHY - The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny and Murder: the dad book wins! (I did vote for it. I'm sorry. I thought the Astor book actually sounded cooler but I just dislike Anderson Cooper so much)

And finally...god I hope it's Henry Winkler. I'm sure it's gonna be Leslie F*** Jones because people think swearing is funny, but I specifically refused her a vote because of it (and no other reasons) so I really hope I'm wrong.

HUMOR - Being Henry: The Fonz...and Beyond: HENRY WINKLER WINS!!!!!!! That's all I wanted, because this category looked baaaaad. I still think he should have been in the regular memoir section but I'll take it.

#goodreads choice awards #I know these are fully a popularity contest and that's fine. these are my opinions on the public's taste.#I am mostly chill and fine but I still raged about two of 'em

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i-only-came-here-for-my-fandoms · 2 years ago

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Oh, wonderful, I honestly didn't expect that response, heh. But, anyways, just to clarify so I don't fuck up too much, Crimson's personality is basically just yours, right? Since, if my old man memory isn't failing me, you mentioned she's a self insert at a few points. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong, of course -🖤(💀)

Oh no, your completely right don’t worry, crimsons basically me with a few tiny tweaks. As for that first point, the reason for my reaction was for a fact that I keep bringing up, which is I never in my life expect her to get any attention from anyone to be completely honest. I mainly made that post about her because I thought “eh, I’ve been asked once or twice if I have a sona, might as well post an oc that’s a self insert I made here with my little art expertise.” And never thought she would get any traction. So like, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart thank you so much for asking general questions about her and giving me scenarios about her for me to answer, love talking to people (even if I can have slight trouble keeping a convo for one reason or another)

#thanks for the ask!#also sorry if that got a bit personal or something at the end lol #also would love a general observation of my personality from an outside perspective #that’s just something I’ve struggled with #just seeing myself from an outside perspective properly #anyway I’ll stop and finally post this he

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shiny-jr · 2 years ago

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Yknow i was never much of a Vil fan ..however. I will admit that soft yan Vil just Does something for me. That thought of him willingly throwing away all his status and fame in Twisted Wonderland just to follow his darling to their world? MAN.

Though I cant help but wonder about a situation where his darling had actually been trying to confess - and Vil knew it - only to be constantly and comically interrupted every time. Think romance anime and how Conveniently something seems to happen or go wrong whenever there's an attempted confession.

We got another one, boys. Let's be honest, who doesn't like the thought of being completely adored and fawned over by a beautiful successful man that is normally quite cold to people?

Imagine Vil actually being so obsessed with MC that he follows them to their home world. He quickly gains fame and traction for his otherworldly enchanting looks, he advances his acting career in Hollywood, and gets invited to big events like Fashion Week in Paris which he brings you along to.

Anyways, I think if there was a situation where Vil knew you were trying to confess, he would become annoyed of interruptions getting in the way. Next thing you know, he's inviting you out to "just a dinner" but it ends up being a fancy kind of place. He's rented out a floor of the restaurant just to avoid all interruptions and so you don't get nervous about onlookers. He has his personal bodyguard watching the elevator to make sure no one interrupts the special moment. Oh, what's that? A band playing romantic music live? How nice, no he didn't hire them. Oh, and look, there's a balcony as well with a stunning view and decorated with roses. Come with him and look at the view, will you? If and when you do manage to confess, you really have no idea what you're getting into, do you? Don't expect all kisses and smiles, because Vil will do anything to keep you happy in a relationship with him. Anything.

#shiny speaks #vil schoenheit #soft yan vil

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mashep23 · 4 years ago

Text

Blame it on the Rain

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female!Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Summary: Modern!AU. A surprise rainstorm changes the course of your day.

Warnings: Like one cuss word? Pure fluff

A/N: My endless thanks and love to: the incredible @river-soul for her beta work and guidance, and the wonderful @whisperlullaby for her support and feedback. 💖💖💖

Disclaimer: image not mine

Oh no. You groan in dismay. The skies open and fat rain droplets splatter darkly onto your clothes and coat as you dash down the sidewalk. You spot cover ahead and dart directly to the storefront with a blissfully wide awning.

You gracelessly slide under the shelter of the canopy, your haste for cover hindering your ability to slow down. Your flats abruptly catch traction on a patch of dry pavement and you pitch forward. Barely managing to stay upright, you have just a moment to breathe in relief when you're jostled from behind. Stumbling slightly from the jolt, you feel hands on your hips steady you from behind as you hear a man's voice swear quietly.

"Oh shit - er, shoot, sorry - I didn't realize you'd stopped! Are you okay?"

You're both breathless and laughing softly as you step apart. You take a moment to straighten your jacket and hitch your bag higher onto your shoulder, reassuring him before you even turn around.

"Oh gosh, yes I'm fine, thanks. Are you...okay…" Your voice trails off as you turn and face a broad chest, eyes travelling up and up. Good heavens. What were you saying? You blink to focus, your eyes taking in a startlingly handsome face before your brain catches up and you rush to cover your faltering speech.

"H-here let me move underneath a little more so you have some room," you offer as you shift to stand deeper under the awning.

He grins in thanks, following you under the canopy, and stepping further away from the rain dripping overhead from the edge. He looks down to check his clothing, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to smooth it after your sudden, albeit gentle, collision. You follow his gaze down, realizing he's dressed in some kind of uniform under his open coat, and you have to make yourself look away before he notices your stare.

"Sorry for almost causing you to fall, but thanks for catching me," you say after a moment, smiling as you chance a sideways glance at him. He's mid-peek, looking in your direction too and you catch his eyes, a surge of warmth filling you at his sheepish expression.

He clears his throat before replying, "I saw you make a break for it so I followed you. I should have been paying more attention." He gives a self-deprecating huff and shakes his head, shoving both hands into the pockets of his jacket. "I'm the one who needs to apologize for almost knocking you down."

"No need, honest. It’s all good." You deny sweetly, reassuring him.

You're rewarded with a cute half grin and you have to purse your lips to keep your smile small as you look out through the raindrops. You both stand there in a companionable silence, watching the street as the world seems to slow down.

It's soothing, relaxing, and makes you feel peaceful. Soon, you’re taking slow deep inhales of the fresh, clean air and enjoying the experience, feeling the tension ease from your shoulders. You hear a quiet, measured exhale from your companion and you both seem to realize at the same time that you’re doing the same thing. You share a shy grin before quickly looking away.

You spend the next couple minutes surreptitiously exchanging sideways glances with him, trying your best to make it seem like a natural move. You’re feeling ridiculously obvious, constantly biting your lip to contain your smile when you get caught looking. At the same time, however, if you’re getting caught then that means he was looking too...right? You're giddy at the thought and take one last long deep breath as you notice the rainstorm begin to lighten.

When the rain slows to a light misting sprinkle, as much as you’d like to be brave and say something to him - introduce yourself, anything - you lose your nerve. Sighing inwardly at yourself, you start preparing to set out from under the safety of the canopy. Pulling up the collar on your jacket and securing your bag to your shoulder, you smile and bid him farewell.

"Looks like it's letting up - better make the most of the break!" You say chipperly. "Thanks for keeping me company."

You give a small wave before heading down the sidewalk. He returns your wave and gives a small nod, a slight furrow to his brow, but otherwise a friendly expression on his face. As you turn away, you can't help but think maybe you should say something else, something to prompt another smile from him, just once more. Feeling a tiny rush of confidence and holding onto that feeling, you turn suddenly and call back to him.

"I hope you have a great day!" You allow yourself a moment to truly admire and appreciate the stunning smile you get in response. He really is just too pretty.

His lips spread a little wider before he returned the sentiment with a sincere, "Thank you! I hope you do too!"

You knew, just knew, that your answering smile was blinding, but you couldn't have toned it down if you tried. In an attempt to seem less obvious (moot point, really), you give him a quick nod before turning and heading back down the sidewalk.

You can't deny you have a little bit more pep in your step as you make your way to your meeting. As you come up to the company entrance, you pause to look through your bag, checking to make sure your portfolio is still dry. As you shift the bag back onto your shoulder, you feel something snag and pull on your jacket.

Your brow scrunches in a frown as you use your hand to try to correct the fabric, wondering what you could be caught on. Looking down as you pull your bag away from your body, you hear something hit the pavement. What the…?

After a quick glance around your feet and then behind you, you see an identification badge laying on the ground. As you stoop to retrieve it for further inspection, you realize you had inadvertently taken a souvenir from your fellow shelter-seeker under the canopy.

His handsome face looks solemnly back at you from what is obviously his work badge. Stark Technologies emblazoned across the top, S. Rogers under his photograph, SECURITY is in large print along the bottom.

He must have been headed to work! Oh man, he's gonna need this. You check your watch. There's no time. You'll have to return it to him after your meeting. Standing up and stashing the badge safely into your pocket, you enter the beautiful brick building to attend your meeting.

Luckily it's brief, your client wants to peruse the contents of your portfolio with his financial team before contacting you to finalize details. Expecting this, you graciously thank him for his consideration and within a half hour, you've concluded your meeting and are striding toward Stark Technologies. The trek isn't more than a few blocks, so you decide to walk it and enjoy the sun filtering through the clouds, the rainy morning a distant memory.

When you enter The Tower, you have to take a moment to get your bearings. Looking up and around, it's easy to spot the gleaming information desk positioned in the center of the bustling lobby. As you approach, you think of how you're going to phrase your request. Not wanting to get him into trouble for not having his badge, especially as a part of the security staff, you decide to just ask to speak to him.

The pleasant lady behind the desk sends you a sweet smile as she speaks into the phone to relay your request. After a quiet exchange, she directs you to a cozy waiting area situated to the side of the bank of elevators.

You sit stiffly on the edge of a plush couch and admire the décor as you wait. The building interior is predominantly glass, making the whole space appear larger, but also quite bright and open. You've got a silly smile on your face, thinking about the amount of Windex they must go through, when a throat clearing pulls you back to the present.

"Well, hello again."

You startle and stand quickly, flustered as you turn to face him. You watch his eyes flick down to your feet then back up to your face, a pleasant and patient smile in place. You lick your lips, trying to settle your nerves.

"Hi! Uh, so I know it probably seems odd that I'm here but um, I actually have something of yours. Came to return it - figured you might need this." You give him what you hope is a winning smile before reaching into your pocket and withdrawing the lost item. Your eyes stay on the badge in your fingers as you hold it out to him.

"Oh! Hey, thank you!" He takes the badge gently from you, fingertips brushing yours. When you finally lift your gaze, you find him grinning boyishly. He swiftly fastens his ID to his crisp shirt, completing his uniform.

You give him an appreciative once over and murmur a quiet, "You're welcome," as he continues.

"You know, you just saved me from so much paperwork and hoops to jump through to replace this stupid thing. Where did you find it?"

"It was stuck to me," you share with a laugh.

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, an open mouthed grin in place. Shaking your head and shrugging one shoulder, you continue.

"It must have happened when we bumped into each other. I wanted to get it back to you as soon as I realized I had it but I had to make my meeting first," you finish apologetically. "I hope you didn't get into trouble."

"No, not at all," he quickly assures you. "I should have noticed I didn't have it. Thank you again for bringing it to me. You didn't have to so I really appreciate it." That heartstopping smile he aimed at you was going to kill you.

You lick your lips again before you reply and notice his eyes drop to track the quick movement before flitting back up. For half a second, you suddenly feel emboldened.

"It was my pleasure, trust me." Unwilling to let the opportunity pass you by yet again, you jerk your chin toward the badge pinned to his chest and ask, "So, what does the 'S' stand for, Rogers?"

"Steve. It stands for Steve." He says, eyes crinkling as his lips spread into a wide grin. You give him your name and can't help but laugh as he holds out his hand. As you shake his hand, you both murmur, "Nice to meet you," and you're certain that you have matching delighted expressions on your faces.

You realize you've taken up a considerable amount of his time while he is on the clock and you give him a regretful smile as you release his hand.

"I'd better let you get back to it. Don't want to get you into real trouble." Quirking a corner of your mouth up, you grip the handle of your bag on your shoulder and tilt your head as you step back.

Steve starts slightly as he looks around, almost as if he'd forgotten where you both are. He looks back at you and nibbles on his lip before taking a small step closer.

"I do have to get going. But before I do...would it be too forward to ask you for your number?" He searched your face earnestly and you could swear he was holding his breath.

"Not at all. I was kinda hoping you would," you admit, beaming up at him as you hold out your hand for his phone. You draw your lip between your teeth in a slow pull, eyes travelling over his face as you wait. The look in his eye and the slow spread of his lips is slightly less boyish and a touch more sinful as he slips his phone from his pocket and hands it to you.

You enter your number into a new text thread and send yourself a simple message before relinquishing his phone back to him. You watch as he eagerly takes it back and saves your contact information. When he looks back up, he has a breathtaking smile on his face, eyes focused on yours. You have to blink a couple times to focus before drawing yourself up a little straighter to bid him goodbye.

"I expect to hear from you soon," you say confidently, smirking and winking as you turn to leave. His surprised but pleased huff of laughter makes you grin just a little bit wider when you peek back over your shoulder.

"Yes ma'am. You will." He's beaming, eyes tracking you as you give one more small wave before pushing through the door.

-------------------------------------------

Tagging my discord family:

@buckyownsmylife @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog

#steve rogers #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x female!reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #captain america #captain america fanfiction #captain america imagine #captain america fluff #captain america x reader #captain america x you #captain america x y/n #marvel fanfiction #modern!au marvel fanfiction #modern!au #velvetcardiganbucky

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confetti-cupcake · 3 years ago

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2021 Fic Year In Review

Aw, thanks for the tag @reallysmartladymariecurie! ❤️

Okay, this might be a little difficult to do because I haven't technically published anything yet 😅 But I did do a lot of writing this year, so I'm just going to talk about my two main WIPs here!

Total Number Of Completed Works: 0 (My goal is for this to change in 2022!)

Total Word Count: I started writing The Perfect Match (my Buddie Are You The One? AU) in mid-July and my current word count is 45,677 and climbing! I probably wrote a similar amount for Thirty-Nine Days (my Survivor AU) this year but I did a terrible job of keeping track of exactly how much I added.

Fandoms I’ve Written In: 9-1-1, 9-1-1: Lone Star

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?: Definitely more. I didn't expect to write any fic this year after deciding to stop writing Thirty-Nine Days. The idea for The Perfect Match had kind of always been percolating in my mind, but I was having trouble fleshing out a cast for it, since it's a dating show and everyone needed to be age-appropriate for Buck and Eddie. Thankfully 2021 introduced a lot of characters that fit the bill for that story and I got re-inspired to write Survivor!

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?: Oh man, I'm really really excited for everyone to read The Perfect Match. It's been so much fun to write and I've put so much time and planning into making readers able to "play along". It's quickly becoming my pride and joy 😊

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?: I don't know if this counts as a risk, but I went into writing Thirty-Nine Days in 2020 with a certain winner in mind. This year I decided to completely scrap it in favor of another winner, which required a lot of re-tooling of the finale chapter. But I'm much happier with the new ending and feels much more natural for the story I'm trying to tell.

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?: Yes! To finally publish something. My loose goals are to complete The Perfect Match by about mid-Season 5B, and then to complete Thirty-Nine Days by the time Season 6 begins. Those deadlines might be a little ambitious, but I'm going to try my best to hold myself to them.

Most Popular Story Of The Year?: N/A

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion: N/A

Most Fun Story To Write: I've had a lot of fun writing both of my WIPs, but The Perfect Match definitely takes the cake. I love mysteries, and it's been so fun sprinkling little hints and red herrings about who the perfect matches are. It took literally a month to plan the logic out in a way that would fall in line with the story I was angling for so I really hope that people like and play along with the logic puzzle aspect!

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: N/A

Biggest Disappointment: The fact that it's been more than a year and a half of writing 9-1-1 fic and I still haven't published anything 😓 lol. But I'm a perfectionist to my core, and I refuse to publish anything until it's fully complete. And since I'm physically incapable of not writing longfics, completing something is naturally going to take a while.

Biggest Surprise: To find out that there is a sizable crossover in fans of 9-1-1 and fans of Survivor. Part of the reason I shelved Thirty-Nine Days in 2020 was because I didn't think anyone would read it for the amount of time it would take to write. But my trailer for Thirty-Nine Days got way more traction and people excited for the fic than I ever thought it would get! I really hope the final product ends up being worth the wait!

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year: Honestly, just joining it in the first place! I've been watching 9-1-1 for so long and had been lurking on Tumblr almost equally as long. Finally giving into the urge to make an account of my own and being able to interact with all the lovely people on here was probably one of the best decisions I've made all year. ❤️

Tagging: @adventuresofprettyboyandthekid @ashwinmeird @strandnreyes

#tag game #thirty-nine days feed #the perfect match feed #buddie #fic year in review

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artificialqueens · 3 years ago

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Gimme Love, 2/9 (Miz Cracker/Blair St Clair) - Grinder

AN: Heyo, yall! Just hope yall are enjoying this fic so far. I worked really hard on it, but so proud. So many times I just wanted to quit it. But I stuck it out!

Major TW for this chapter: Child abuse mentions // mental breakdown // Anxiety // Dementia mentions

2020

I flinched, feeling a hand lightly slap my foot twice. "Wake up, Princess."

I rolled over slightly, blinking as if to clear my vision. Jujubee looked as if she had been awake for hours, looking fresh as fuck in her dressing gown. She must have had a shower hours before because, despite the dry hair, I could smell the mango and papaya soap. Fuck, it smelt so good.

Then there was me; hair wrecked, makeup long expired, body smelling of that typical hangover smell. Like a hospital, except unclean.

I whined like a child, rolled back over on my stomach and buried my face hoping it would stop my head from pounding.

"Nope. Not happened." Jujubee sat down on the bed and shook me.

"What time is it?" I asked with my face still smushed into the pillow.

"It's 2PM." She answered.

That's what got me up. I threw the covers back and went to stand. "Fuck!"

Jujubee grabbed my hand and pulled me back down. "Relax. It's our day off, remember?"

I whined even more, curling up with my head in her lap.

"Not that it makes a difference considering you're always late anyway," Jujubee added as she stroked my unbrushed hair.

"Shut up. I'm the boss. I can do what I want." I mumbled.

"Ah, Brianna Caldwell, you never change." Jujubee quipped. "Only follows the rules whenever it suits her, bosses everyone around - -"

"I do not, you whore. And can you please not speak to me so loud right now?" I pulled myself up and tousled my hair. "I need some shades or something."

I always needed shades when I was hungover, so Jujubee was already prepared. She pulled them from her pocket and handed them over. "Shade up, baby girl."

Life was already so much better with them on.

"But back to the topic at hand, though. Don't you remember the chess boys from high school?" Jujubee spoke a bit quieter now. "You literally bossed them around."

"They let me boss them around 'cause they wanted to sleep with me, Jujubee," I replied, reaching for my phone.

"And, you bossed me around too." Jujubee raised her brows.

"Mmmm, I don't remember that." I hummed, feeling pretty much over the conversation.

It took Jujubee an hour to convince me to get out of bed and clean myself up. After finally getting showered and dressed, we were out of the apartment and already heading to Starbucks.

I could have made my own coffee, but that required effort. And that I wasn't willing to give that day.

We were sitting at a booth in the back, with minimal effort in trying to go incognito. But this was a regular hang out for us. There was no need to worry about our names being shouted out. The baristas eventually learned to just bring our orders to us. It made Jujubee feel bad, but I didn't mind.

The barista, Kyle, came over and put our drinks down on the table.

"I deserve this. I really, really deserve this." I said, already taking a sip of my coffee.

"Congrats on last night. The boss said if you both need a refill, just let me know." Kyle winked. God bless Kyle. "So, When's the launch day?"

"Kyle, as charming as you are, you'll just have to wait like everybody else." I tried my best to beam a smile.

"Alright. Enjoy, ladies." And Kyle walked away.

Jujubee let her eyes follow for a moment longer. I know she was literally staring at nothing in particular, but I decided to have a bit of fun. "Go ask him out, Juju."

"Girl, you ask him out," Jujubee smirked. "I'm happy enough being a crazy cat lady. I don't need no man."

I knew it was a joke. Jujubee wasn't the type to encourage me to find someone. It was like she knew how it could bother me.

Despite liking the single life, I kind of did like the sound of being with someone. Maybe it was the fear of the past that stopped me from pursuing a relationship. I had a few girlfriends in the past. But they hadn't lasted long. I was afraid they would have somehow found out about my past self. Because, once upon a time, nobody would've even dared think of me as an attractive, promiscuous, alluring, single female.

But now that I had the glow-up of the century, dyed my hair blonde, I had quite a lot of admirers. It only really started to occur when NASA began sponsoring the project, bringing more traction.

My phone started ringing, but I paid no heed.

Jujubee, however, almost dropped her drink.

"Girl, why is Ed Sheeran calling you?" Jujubee raised a brow.

And as soon as the name met my ears, I was reminded of the night before. "Oh, God." I held my head in my hands.

"What did you do?" Jujubee was already groaning.

"I fucked up," I answered.

"You didn't have a quicky with him or something, right?" Jujubee questioned further.

I lifted my head, looking at her with squinted eyes. "What? No. Ew. Juju." I sipped my coffee before bearing the news. "OK, so...I don't know why I did it, maybe 'cause I'm a mess when I'm drunk, but I…" I lowered my tone, "kinda offered him the chance to be the first person to go into the other world."

"What?? I thought we were gonna do that!" Jujubee was freaking out.

"I know. I fucked up."

"Well, call him back."

"And, tell him what? 'Sorry, Ed. Jk'?"

Jujubee's forehead was in her hands, "I was really excited." She whined.

As I said before, this meant a lot to us. We hadn't discussed it with the team yet, but Jujubee and I had privately planned that we'd be first to enter the other world. So you could understand this was incredibly disappointing for her.

"OK. How about this? Ed will go in for 5 minutes. After that, we bring him back to Earth. And then we fly off by ourselves?" I suggested.

"I was looking forward to the pink sky. And the flying horses. And the…"

Jujubee went on a ramble as my phone began to ring again. I picked it up, letting it ring for a few seconds before declining Ed Sheeran's call.

I checked if there were any texts from him. Nada. But there was one message that caught my attention. The memory of reading it the previous night came flooding back.

Jujubee was still rambling, but I put my phone down and leaned across the table slightly. "Juju, do you remember Blair St Clair?"

Jujubee's expression changed instantaneously. "Girl, of course, I do. You were in love with her for years."

"Oh my God, can you whisper, please?" I questioned, the desperation in my voice very much apparent.

"Brianna, she's back in Ohio. We're in New York. I don't think anyone's gonna go and tell."

"You never know," I briefly looked behind me for fear that somehow the world decided to shit on my luck and make her appear in the booth behind me.

"Girl, chill out. And yes, I do remember her." Jujubee replied, "you know something that always stuck with me? Please don't ask why, but I'll never forget the day you told me you were in love with her. You came out to me that day too."

-_-_-_-

1995

"Juju, I gotta tell you something," I said, throwing my doll to the side of the fort. If I didn't tell her the truth now, I never would.

"What is it?" Jujubee sounded scared.

I crossed my legs in a pretzel shape, straightened my back and declared, "Juju, I like girls. And Blair St Clair is the girl I'm in love with."

I was expecting amazement, awe, shock. But Jujubee just seemed confused.

"What? How is that possible?" She asked.

"You promise you can keep a secret?" I offered my pinky.

Jujubee joined hers with mine. "Of course I can."

"OK." Our fingers remained twisted around each other. "Well, I saw two ladies in the mall kissing. And my Mommy told me girls can like girls. And I had an a-piffa-tree. The reason I like Blair so much is because I'm in love with her!"

"Brie-Brie, you need to slow down." Jujubee put her hand up. "If girls can like girls, then how come we never see girls kissing girls? It's always boys and girls."

"I don't know."

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Nope."

"Then, how are you sure?"

"I don't know. You ever get that weird feeling inside that tells you that you're right? I can feel it. I know I'm not lying."

"Wooow." Jujubee looked away briefly. "Does that mean you like me?"

"I don't know. You're my friend, Juju." I shrugged. "I mean, maybe we should kiss just to figure it out."

Juju looked like she was contemplating this for a moment before nodding her head and sitting up. "OK!"

I didn't even hesitate. Instead, I moved closer and gave her a quick kiss on the lips.

"Ew!" We both pulled away.

We both agreed to never do that again, nor ever speak of it.

As if nothing had happened, we continued on playing with our dolls for another hour before the rain came out.

I walked Jujubee home, feeling very much like 'the big girl' being all responsible.

And in walking back to my own place, wrapping my arms around myself, I saw Blair - walking alone, drenched from head to toe.

"Blair!" I ran towards her.

She turned to look at me, her face scrunched up, trying to see through the downpour.

Call it instinct, but I knew something was up, just from how she was looking at me. I put my hands on her shoulders. "What's wrong?? Are you OK?"

"I'm lost. I-I'm trying to find my way home." She said quietly.

"What. How did you - -" I stopped myself from talking any further. Instead, I took Blair by the hand and pulled her towards the bus shelter off to the side of the road.

We both sat down when we got inside. She was shaking, close to catching a cold in the awful weather. Not to mention she had no jacket on. So I pulled my arm out of its sleeve and draped half of the coat over her.

"What happened to your coat?" I asked

"I didn't bring it." She replied.

"Why not? It's cold. You're going to get sick."

"I'm sorry. I just...ran."

I was silent for a moment. Then, "What do you mean?"

She was also silent for a moment, her blue eyes drifting to the ground. "Brianna...is it normal for Daddies to shout real loud all the time? Do they smash things a lot?"

No. It was not expected. I may not have had a Father figure in my life, but I knew well enough. "Blair, what happened?"

Blair clenched her fist around the jacket. "My Daddy...he…"

Despite her timid voice trailing off, I understood. She didn't even need to say it. "Do you have somewhere to go?"

She lifted her eyes to me, "I need to get home. I just ran as fast as I could. And somehow ended up here. I don't know my way back."

"I don't think you should go back," I admitted.

"I have to. Or he'll be even more mad."

I was wracking my brain. There was no way I could let her go back. "OK. Is there somewhere you can stay for a while? Somewhere close?"

"No." Blair shook her head. "Wait. Yeah. My Granny lives somewhere around here." She looked at me with optimism in her eyes.

"That's great! I know this place like the back of my hand. I bet I can find it in a few seconds."

After sitting for 10 more minutes, the rain was starting to settle, so Blair gave me the address, and off we went. I carried her bag for her. She was probably exhausted from all the walking.

All the while, I just listened as she talked about many things - Madonna, her Princess Belle doll, how Jade from school actually picked her nose when no one was looking. So many different topics. And I didn't speak a word. I guess I was just so...astonished. Here I was, walking along in a light rainstorm, hanging out with the prettiest girl in my class. How was this possible? Was this real life?

"You've been really quiet." Blair pointed out.

"Yeah, I just can't believe you're talking to me. What the fuck?" Yes, I said that.

Blair laughed at my potty mouth. "Yeah, why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged. "Well, I don't know. Maybe 'cause no one likes me."

Blair stopped in her tracks for a moment. "I like you."

I stopped, spun around, and looked at her with wide eyes. There was no way I heard her say those words. No fucking way.

"Come on. I know where we are now. Granny's house is around the corner." Blair began to move again.

But the butterflies in my stomach were going wild. I felt warm and wanted to just hug her. But I also didn't want to alarm her. Baby steps, Brianna.

I walked Blair to the house. Her Granny came to the door and was obviously quite confused. And Blair began to cry again.

I wanted to turn and run, feeling very out of place. But Blair grabbed me before I could leave and pulled me into a hug. She pressed her tear-stained face against my shoulder and whispered, "Thank you, Brie."

"I gotta go."

I pulled out of the hug and ran as fast I could. I don't know if I left her standing there confused or if she just knew by then it was just a me thing to be awkward.

But my mind was racing; Blair liked me. I knew not in the same way as I liked her. But, surely, that meant we could be friends.

Oh, how naive I was.

A few weeks later, it was the beginning of Summer. Mom took me to the park, and there was Blair with her friends.

I ran across the grass to the picnic blanket they were all sitting at.

"Blair!" I called excitedly. I practically threw myself down next to her, giving her a tight hug.

"Ew." Jade laughed.

"Shut up, Jade." Blair snapped.

"Are you friends with the freak now or something?" Carmen questioned, inching away from me.

"I'm not a freak!" I shouted.

"Uh, yeah, you are," Serena added. "We don't want freaks in our friend group. Go on. Get lost."

"Girls - -" Blair tried.

"You wanna join her?" Jade pointed her gaze at Blair, her face scrunched up in disgust.

I was waiting for it; The big 'fuck you' as Blair stood up, took my hand and walked away.

But she remained seated. Her eyes trailed down to the ground. I tried shaking her shoulder.

"Blair?" I spoke quietly.

She didn't say a word. It was as if she had turned to stone.

My body felt cold.

"See? She doesn't like ugly people like you. No one does." Jade smirked.

I remember the moment being more intense than it actually was. Because in a matter of seconds, the girls were screaming as I began to punch Jade in her bitchy face. I couldn't punch for shit. But if it left a bruise, I was happy.

"Brianna!" I heard my Mom's voice. Her dark arms wrapped around me, pulling me away from the now crying Jade. "We are going home right now." Mom threatened. But I didn't care.

From being dragged away from the fight scene all the way until we got home, I screamed.

Mom screamed back for a while when we were in the car. But you can't fight fire with fire. So she stopped when we pulled up.

I got in, I beat the fuck out of every object that came into my line of vision. And my shouting never stopped.

"No one wants you, ugly freak!" I smashed a vase. "Worthless piece of trash!"

Mom had been chasing me all over the house, trying to calm me down. But this wasn't like any tantrum I had ever had, and as Mom had no idea what was actually going on, she had no idea what to do.

She eventually scooped me up in her arms and held me tight as she sat on the ground. I screamed as I tried to fight off her grasp, downing out all her hushed whispers. "I got you, Baby. I got you. Mommy's here."

My screams did go on for another while, but as soon as they ended, all I could say to Mom was, "I should give up. Blair will never be my friend. I'm too ugly."

Mom stood me up, so she knew I was looking directly into her eyes. She pointed a finger in my face and spoke with a cracked but stern tone. "Don't say that. Never ever say that. You are so beautiful, and no one has the right to tell you that you're not. I want you to go look in the mirror, really, really look at yourself, Brianna. And I want you to see how pretty you are. Look at your hair, your brown eyes, your freckles. You are just as pretty as everyone else, girl. You are not ugly."

I squeezed my fists, feeling the hard lump in my throat. "Then why did my Mommy and Daddy give me away?"

Mom was stunned for a moment. She took my hand. "Baby, that had nothing to do with how you look. They…" she paused, trying to find the right words to use, "they just…" another pause, "look, I'll tell you when you're older. But I promise you are not ugly."

I couldn't hold on anymore. I let out a pained cry and immediately threw myself into her arms and buried my face in her shoulder.

-_-_-_-

2020

That was my first major emotional breakdown, marking the beginning of many more to come. But, unfortunately, Mom didn't want to immediately get me help. She had a feeling it would upset me further. And she was right.

Just as I had begun middle school, I had another huge episode. That was it. There had been too many episodes throughout those years.

You can try covering a crack in the wall with a pretty picture, but the problem would never go away, would it?

I couldn't stand therapy. Why was I the one to work on my emotions when I only felt the way I did because kids were assholes? Where were all the breathing exercises and meditation sessions to make them not be dicks?

But as much as I hated it, the older I got, I opened my eyes. What I hated the most was seeing the pain I was putting Mom through. So I really tried hard not to freak out.

I didn't want to upset Mom anymore. She really did her best. And to this day, I wouldn't change her for the world.

"We're here."

I was brought out of my thoughts as the cab pulled over. I had been so gone, just sitting in the backseat, staring at the magenta glass vase in my hands.

"Keep the change," I replied, handing the driver the money and thanking him as I got out.

He took my suitcase from the trunk and left it by my side. And with a goodbye, he drove off.

Standing at the bottom of the lawn, I looked at the house. Fuck, once upon a time, I wouldn't have been so in love with its appearance. I had no idea what my Mom was going for with the multiple colours. The outside was painted pastel yellow with a sky blue door and pink frame. Then there were the various flowerpots stuck onto the wall next to the door. All different colours; pink, green, orange or blue.

OK, I lied; as a kid, I fucking loved our house. Everyone else's was boring. But when high school rolled around, people would whisper how I was "the weird hippie chick from the rainbow crack house". So, you can understand why it quickly became an eyesore for me.

I knocked on the front door, feeling the excitement bubble within me. I had been so busy with the project, it was a few months since I last saw her in person. I glanced at the vase in my hand, the perfect Birthday gift. It was perfect because I got her a new one every year. Because I never got over the guilt from smashing her favourite vase as a child. This act was to make a point - to show that no matter how much I apologised, I was always sorry, and would always be.

I knocked again. There was only a barking behind the door. Good to know someone was in.

I still had my own key. No point in standing outside all day. I made my own way in, knowing I could just surprise her later.

"Hi, baby!" I spoke in a hushed tone as Piggie started to jump around excitedly. Fuck, I missed him so much.

I closed the door and knelt down next to the pug, bringing him into a hug and kissing him on the head. "You good boy," I said in between kisses, "Let's get you some food."

Standing back up, I made my way to the kitchen, and Piggie was only happy to follow. I still remembered where his food was kept, so I poured him a bowl. Then, while he was distracted, I took my suitcase up the stairs and into my old bedroom.

Fuck, there was always something so surreal about walking into it. I hadn't lived at home since before I went to college. From that moment on, Jujubee and I always had our own places. And now, I had my apartment in New York.

Meaning, the last time I had redecorated was years before my glow up (in personality and looks). The walls were pink, I remember them being a pretty pastel tone, but they looked duller now. Above my bed, the wall was littered with posters, writing and photos. I made eye contact with Reese Witherspoon on the Legally Blonde poster, remembering how I always wanted to be like her. Funny how I kind of did achieve that.

I realised I was just standing in the doorway, just staring. So, I sat the suitcase against my desk and went to lie down. I smirked as I found all 5'5" of my whole being still fit into it.

I took out my phone and snapped a picture of myself to Jujubee, the caption reading 'Hey, babe, my parents are out?￰ 😉😉 come over?'.

While waiting for her reply, I changed my pencil skirt and blouse, choosing to wear leggings and a tank instead. Suddenly, I felt 10 years younger.

An hour passed, and Mom was still nowhere to be seen.

"Maybe she's at work. Does she have a job?" Jujubee asked me through the phone.

"I... don't know, Juju," I murmured, my attention not really on the question but on the contents of the fridge.

There was a punnet of strawberries. I helped myself to a few.

"When was the last time you spoke to her? Seriously, Brie, I'm getting so nervous." Jujubee sounded concerned. I knew her mind was thinking of the worst. And oddly enough, I found it to be entertaining.

"A few months back, actually," I smirked. "She's been real quiet, to be honest." Piggie was at my feet, looking for one of the juicy strawberries. I shook my head at him.

"Oh God, no. Did you check every room? Talk to the neighbours?"

"Oh, fuck! Juju. My God, there's a head in the fridge!" I feigned terror.

"Brianna!"

"Relax. I'm fucking with you. I spoke to her last night." I took one more strawberry. Biting into it, the juice dripped down my fingers and onto the ground. Piggie was beyond happy now, licking it up. I let him be and made my way out of the kitchen.

"That's not funny, Brianna. Don't joke about that. I thought she was missing or...worse."

"Fair enough. Sorry, girl. Anyway, how's work today?" I walked into the living room and sat on the couch.

"Good, good. Ed Sheeran's team finally got in touch," Jujubee said with a hint of disdain.

I held my forehead in one hand, wanting to punch myself for even speaking to him the week before.

I groaned, "See, this is why I should stop drinking."

"Well, to be fair, you don't drink as much as you did back in college. But when you do, you go hard."

Jujubee continued talking, lecturing me about my life choices when I moved my foot and felt it touch something under the couch. It startled me at first, but I pulled out the item.

A slipper. Grandpa's slipper. Sitting back on the couch again, letting my eyes just stare at it. "Hey, Juju. I'm gonna go."

There was a sigh on the other end. "Fine. Not like I was talking about anything important or whatever."

"Sorry," I said quietly.

"Don't worry. I still love you, whore." She said.

"Of course you do."

I made a nasty kissing sound through the phone. She was grossed out, of course, and hung up. I chuckled for a moment and put my phone away.

Piggie came into the room and jumped up on the sofa next to me. I began to pet him, my eyes now back on the shoe.

Grandpa wore his slippers more than he wore regular shoes. Every time he found out Mom had put them in the wash, he would be furious. I would always listen to him ranting and wonder why men were gross. But I'd also laugh at how he threw his hands up in the air in frustration.

There was one time, in particular. He had gotten mad for the same reason. He huffed and came into the living room, sitting down on the couch, in the very seat I currently was sitting. He was shaking his head, just looking at the TV.

I shuffled closer to him and offered a few potato chips. His frown was immediately reversed. His smile had never seemed brighter. He took a few chips and asked with a full mouth, "Hey, kiddo. Aren't you late for school?"

It was 2PM. On a Saturday.

My smile was beginning to fade, my eyes still focused on the slipper. I could feel it - a familiar twisting feeling from somewhere within my stomach, the oxygen in my lungs seeming to fail me, a tremble taking my hands over.

And then, Piggie licking my arm.

I flinched slightly as I was brought back to the present. I smiled, petting Piggie. "Where would I be without you, baby?"

Piggie didn't answer, of course. Instead, he just licked my hand, which was enough for me to chill out.

I put Grandpa's shoe back under the couch, now inspired to search more of the house. But before I got off the couch, I checked my phone. Jujubee had Snapchatted me.

Clicking into it, I froze for a moment. She was in her bathroom, the shower running behind her. I wanted to say she was the main element to the picture, cocking her head to the side, pouting her lips and raising a brow. Despite the fact Jujubee never sent me pictures like this, it wasn't the first time I had seen her in her lingerie, though. But, I couldn't help but glance at her black lacey bra. The breath was caught in my throat for a moment.

The text read, 'You OK, babe?'

Around middle school, Jujubee developed this 6th sense, knowing when something was up with me. It was impressive.

I lifted my phone up high, took a picture and made sure to get Piggie in the frame. He wasn't looking, however.

"Piggie." He was looking now. I smiled and took the picture. I captioned it, 'Just hanging out with this one'.

I hit send. And now filled with inspiration to go on a nostalgia trip, I got up from the sofa and went off to explore. I called Piggie to follow.

I found myself upstairs, standing in the doorway of Mom's room. It felt rude to intrude. After all, a bedroom wasn't just a bedroom. It was a sanctuary, a place to be yourself, to carry out your own private rituals free from judgement, a happy place. So it felt like an intrusion to invade her space.

But I spotted the perfume bottles on her dresser. There was one bottle, in particular, a fragrance she always bought. It was her favourite - a musky scent with a hint of amber vanilla.

I couldn't resist. I made my way to the dresser, lifted the bottle and smelt the underside of the lid. Immediately, I felt my body relax. It smelled just like her. And there was no smell sweeter than the smell of your own Mother. It felt safe, loving, warm. Now, I was even more excited to see her again.

That was as far as I'd go into her room. So I put the perfume back, ushered Piggie to get down from her bed and left.

I was back in my old bedroom. I wanted this nostalgia trip to be unlike any other. So I knew exactly where I'd find it. I looked in the drawers of my desk. And in the very bottom drawer, I found it; my old diary.

"This is going to be wild, Piggie. I just know it." I smirked, sitting down on my bed, my back against the headboard. Piggie curled up beside me. We were both sitting comfortably. So I began.

'Dear Dairy'

Already, I had to pause and laugh. 7 year old me would have been a legend in a spelling bee.

'Today, I had a fight with Jujubee. She really upset me, but I upset her too. I should say sorry. That's all. Bye.'

Short and sweet, child me didn't beat around the bush. She just gave you the information you needed. That was it.

I flicked a few pages forward.

'Dear Diary,

I had another fight with Jujubee. I really don't want to upset her. But sometimes I get so angry, I don't know what to do. I lost a tooth today too. So I am going to leave a note to the tooth fairy. I want her to take all my anger from me instead of my tooth. I hope it works.'

I remembered that. I had gotten mad because we were playing house. I wanted Jujubee to be both the parents, and I'd be the two kids. She didn't want to. She wanted to play the part of a child too. I freaked out, of course. I specifically remembered telling her she'd do it if she cared about me. She said she did care. But in the heat of the moment, I didn't believe her.

"God, I was such a brat," I spoke quietly.

I skipped some pages, unsure of what I was to find. And seeing one specific name, I stopped flicking through.

'Dear Blair,

You are like the sunshine. You are…'

I stopped reading, cringing at my child self. Was this before I realised it was a crush or not? What was hilarious about this entry was how damn long it was. All other accounts were short and straight to the point. But this? It went on for 3 pages. I bet my younger self felt mega proud about writing so much. But now, I felt the need to build a fucking time machine, go back to that moment and tell little Brianna, "Guess what? Nothing happens. Blair never becomes your friend. She never feels the same way about you the way you feel about her, so stop before you make it worse for yourself!"

I decided I was taking this diary back to New York. I needed to investigate it more. And there were probably some accounts that Jujubee would cackle laughing at.

My nostalgia trip wasn't at its peak just yet. I needed something that would just send me over the edge of happiness. And I knew I'd probably find that in my memory box. But there was a problem. I had given it to my Mom, asking her to hide it away somewhere. And whenever I wanted to put something into it, I'd give it to her, and she'd hide it for me.

And I made her promise to only give it back to me when I turned 50. No matter how much I cried and begged, she could not break that promise. Young me knew one day I'd be on a one way trip down memory lane.

I was so tempted to find the box. Surely, it couldn't have been too hard to find. But Piggie growled for a moment, his ears perking up. He looked at the window and started barking. I was now aware of the sound of a car's engine. A familiar one at that.

Finally, Mom was home.

I peaked out the window to see she was grabbing her bag from the car.

Piggie and I raced down the stairs, taking the vase from the living room and waiting excitedly at the door.

Funny how with excitement there came a level of anxiety, the tiniest hint of fear bubbling in your stomach. And I felt it all as soon as I heard the jiggling of the key.

The door opened slowly as if she already knew something was unusual about the place like she was bracing herself for whatever she was going to find.

She peeked around the door. My smile was beaming.

"Happy Birthday!" I shouted.

"Jesus Christ!" Mom flinched, almost falling back and stamping on the ground. Piggie was going wild now, barking from all the excitement. "Brianna, you could have given me a heart attack!" She shut the door and clasped a hand to her chest.

I laughed at her over-the-top reaction and held out the vase. "I got you another one."

Mom looked at me, still panting from her shock. She was silent for a moment, and in that silence, I realised how much I had missed her.

Mom stepped forward, took the vase and put it to the side. As she pulled me into a tight hug, I could see her face scrunching up.

There are two people of people; those who can't stand seeing their Moms cry. And fucking liars.

Of course, I belonged to the first group. As you know, I…

Well, you already know. Here, let me put in a fun diagram of things I didn't want to deal with at that moment.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, you bitch." Mom spoke softly in my ear as she cried.

"I couldn't help myself." I forced a smile.

As much as I hated seeing her cry, I knew she needed it. Me being the only child she ever had, it broke her heart when I moved out in the first place. I'd imagine it was tough now that she was alone.

Yeah, she had Piggie. But it obviously wasn't enough. So I let her cry it out as she hugged me. I could smell the perfume, and again, I felt that safety, the security a Mother's love brings.

When she pulled away, she immediately moved to the kitchen, already brewing some tea. I let her know that I didn't mind if she had to go upstairs and change or anything. But she insisted we get into the catch-up.

"I invited some people from work to come over later. You remember the flower shop beside the old church?" Mom rambled, her shaking hands pouring the tea into two mugs.

"Of course I do," I answered, sitting at the table, with Piggie in my lap.

"Yeah, I work there now." Mom replied.

I felt bad. This shouldn't have been news. It was my part to already know that.

Mom sat at the table, placing the mugs down too. Piggie's attention was drawn to them, licking his lips with thirst.

"So I hope you're not jet-lagged, girl." The excitement was practically radiating from her face.

I was a bit exhausted, but she deserved to have a great night. "I'm good. Don't worry."

"Oh, and your aunt is coming." She added, sipping her tea.

"Aunt Monét! Yes, bitch."

It had been a very, very long time since I last saw Monét. She knew how to turn a party. And she was always so glamorous. I remember numerous times as a child asking her to teach me her ways, be my mentor, so I could grow up to look as good as she did.

"So, it's gonna be a long night. Be prepared." Mom said.

"So, it's a party?"

"Not my plan, but knowing Monét, that's how it will turn out. Anyway, I saw pictures from the event last week. You looked great up on that stage, baby. Keep doing me proud."

I gave her a gracious smile as I sipped my tea. A small drop fell onto my lap. Piggie was searching for it, but it had already soaked in. Sorry, Piggie.

"Yeah, I kinda fucked up, though," I said, playing with one of the dog's ears.

"'Fuck’ always has been your favourite word," Mom shook her head, "Go ahead. Tell me, what did you do?"

"So at the after-party, I kinda offered Ed Sheeran to be the first person to go through. Please don't ask me why. The answer is; I was drunk. I don't have a more logical explanation for you right now."

Mom was silent for a moment, her eyes narrowing. "Ed Sheeran? Why him?"

"I told you, I have no idea." I sipped my tea. "I'm just a fucking idiot when I'm drunk."

"So, what now? Is he actually going to do it?"

"Yep. His team got in contact. Everything is set in stone." I was ashamed of the whole Ed Sheeran thing, but now telling this to my Mother, it felt all the more embarrassing.

"Oh, God. This is going in history books, girl." Mom held her forehead in her hand.

"I know," I reciprocated. "Even worse, now they're asking the big questions like 'is the atmosphere safe on the other side?' We're still in the middle of working all that out."

"OK, asides from the Ed Sheeran fuck up," Mom put her hand on mine, "I am extremely proud of how far you've come since you were just a kid."

Uh oh. This wasn't what I wanted.

"And I know you're so busy with this whole thing, but sometimes, I just wish you'd call."

Fuck. "I'm sorry."

"Oh, no. I don't wanna make you feel bad, girl. Like I said, you're a busy lady." She held a hand up.

But still, I felt bad.

"Shit. I was supposed to pick up some lemonade on the way home." Mom stood up, taking her tea with her. She had barely touched it.

"I could go to the store if you want," I suggested, taking a big gulp of tea.

"I mean, if you wanna, go for it. Tina still works there. It would be nice to see her again." Mom continued. She reached in her pocket.

I kissed Piggie on the head before putting him on the ground. "It's OK. I got it." I stood up from the table.

We had a bit of back and forth about who paid. I left before she could even give me her spare change.

Before I walked out the door, Piggie looked sad to see me go. Of course, I was coming back, but he didn't know that. Therefore I felt guilty.

I put my sunglasses on as I walked out the door. It wasn't even sunny out, but I knew I'd probably get stopped by people I used to know to dive deep into conversations about how far I had come. I had things on my mind, so many thoughts circling in my head.

I knew I should have put more effort into staying in contact with Mom. But after years of putting her through hell, I felt a sense of guilt. There were a few times I'd message, and somehow the conversation would take a turn, and she'd bring up a childhood memory.

I was done with my past. I was once a troubled child who eventually grew up to have a better mindset. I didn't want to relay the breakdowns, all of the vases I had smashed.

Then I realised how much of a contradiction that all was as I realised it was all that was on my mind as I walked down the street. So I plugged in my earbuds and drowned out the thoughts with whatever Spotify had to offer.

#rpdr fanfiction #s10 #as5 #miz cracker #jujubee #blair st clair #bob the drag queen #blair x cracker #fluff #coming of age #hurt/comfort #lesbian au #grinder #concrit welcome #tw breakdown #tw child abuse mentions #tw dementia mentions

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thesagedahlia · 5 years ago

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💏 Apryl Jones & Lil Fizz

Boy, oh, boy...Apryl & Fizz. A.K.A, the messiest couple of 2019. I lost any shred of respect that I ever had for Apryl, & I honestly didn't put it past Fizz to be this grimey. I always noticed the disrespect Moniece Slaughter endured on their seasons of L&HHH. As a MAN (the thing he should be by now, become he's well in his 30's & is a father), I would expect him to have more respect for her. As far as Moniece goes, she is always, unfortunately, at the butt of every 'bitter baby mama' joke, but honestly, I see wh she is so hurt by him. Contrary to what the public opinion may be, Moniece is WAAAAAY over those man, in fact she is disgusted by him. & who wouldn't be? He has, time & time again, allowed any & every new bitch he brought around to disrespect & disregard her existence, as if she isn't the MOTHER OF HIS CHILD. I can intuitively see him talking the most shit to pump them up to be as disrespectful to her as he is. Apryl ain't no different, nor better in this case. Fuck the fact that Fizz & Apryl were 'always friends', wouldn't someone who was the friend of Fizz, especially as a women & a mother, feel exactly where Moniece should be respected, regardless of her relationship with her & his thoughts & opinions of her? Wouldn't she be more understanding as to why she would be suspicious in the first place, ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE FUCKING HIM, or if YOU'RE AROUND THEIR CHILD? Ummmmmthat's trash. But this is only my opinion. What do I know, I guess? I'm just single with common sense 🥴 final thoughts: Apryl needs to love herself, because applying your 🐱 before your mind is not it, pewiod. & Fizz.....I-

*thesagedahlia has left the chat, she was disgusted*

**DISCLAIMER**

I am not declaring, nor am I insinuating, that anything I say in my predictions are true accounts of any of the parties involved. This reading is for entertainment purposes only, & should only taken as such. All in good fun, folks 🤷🏾‍♀️🧿

💏 Energy Surrounding Apryl & Fizz?

Right now, the relationship seemed to be heading into, or I'd already in a standstill. I see financial gain that will benefit Apryl, but she may be feeling like the family aspect of their relationship is something only she is forcing. I see a lot of L&HHH benefiting both of them at this time, but I see that as being the only benefit. I know the rumor is that Apryl was pregnant & ended up aborting the baby, but the cards are showing a stagnant child (of passion) that is causing a depression, or immense pain. I'm getting the sense that Apryl wanted to keep the child, so that in itself caused a little bit of conflict & heartbreak on her part. I am also getting that Fizz is stubborn in the sense that he doesn't want any more kids, let alone any with Apryl. I'm getting that Apryl had the idea of being a blended family & having a happy home with Fizz, but he wasn't emotionally invested to start a family with her. Apryl figured that she will be able to accomplish the family she wants with someone she considers a friend, but Fizz had other plans. I'm getting that this was a certain strategy where she was trying to achieve her happy family, but it turned out to be smoke in mirrors. I'm also getting she is trying to move on from Omarion. This could have also been a ploy to get his attention or piss him off. What seems to be hidden here is that she may have always been using Fizz in order to get over her failed marriage, & she could have felt like Fizz was a better match for her. I see Apryl feeling grief, while Fizz is benefiting financially, as they are financial partners. In public, they will continue to defend their relationship because there is actually love between them (though it may not be enough for Fizz to want a family or more children). There is uncertainty & harsh change happening around this union & balance may be wobbly & unstable here. Apryl has to be the one to decide that this isn't the best thing for her, but she is focused on keeping things balanced between them, while Fizz on the other hand is only focused on his coin. The same card of a child keeps coming up for them.

💏 Apryl's energy toward Fizz?

Apryl is feeling some fears that she will have to confront. These may stem from fears of having history repeating itself. I keep picking up on some sadness with Apryl, & again, its surrounding a child that was neglected. I feel like Apryl is feeling Fizz will come to his senses in embracing the life they share, but it is like he'll have some things he needs to face in order to do so. He may not be opening up to her like she would want & he is having much control over doing so. There is much grief & sadness over the love she feels, & she feels isolated in her attempts to secure a family. I'm feeling she is looking toward her future & it may be without Fizz. Although she feels much love for Fizz, she understands there is healing they both may need to consider (or she may feel as though he needs to release control of his ego). She is needing to move away from Fizz because it isn't sitting with her spirit well, having to (allegedly) abort a child that came from this union. This may all be on her mind subconsciously. This relationship is becoming a cycle of distress & disappointment for her, & she needs to move forward from it. Freedom from the mind games they continue to engage in with each other isn't helping a looming depression that is manifesting for her. Emotionally, he's unavailable to her. As long as she continues to ignore her intuition, the more she will realize that her desires won't be fulfilled with Fizz.

💏 Fizz's feelings toward Apryl?

Fizz feels like their relationship will survive the test of time. He may have this idea that no matter what he puts her through, she will stay. He may be aware that he has cause some distress to her that may have left her emotional. He still isn't emotionally charged toward Apryl, as he is not so fond of showing his emotional side. Again, this is something he has to confront within himself. I feel like past relationships hasn't worked out for him, so he has an unhealthy feeling of what a relationship should look like. He has to come out of being selfish & thinking of his own needs over Apryl's. He needs to breaks some chains around what was keeping him from fixing his relationship with her, as he may feel he brought much pain to her. He is wanting to continue their relationship as a business partnership. He may be stubborn in facing some truth when it comes to the way Apryl feels, in the sense that he is the reason she's hurting. The relationship has come to a standstill because of things within their relationship that needs to be confronted, though there is a feeling of needing to end the cycle together & move on completely. Though he has a lot of joy being with her & they are able to secure finances together, he still isn't fully open to being with Apryl for the long term.

💏 Apryl's expectations vs. Fizz's expectations?

Apryl: She expected Fizz to want to be fully committed to her. She felt that they were friends, & that their bond could carry over into the long term. They were already living together & had a little bit of a blended life with their kids, so she expected things to become even more established as far as a family. She was even hoping for marriage. She didn't think Fizz would come off as being so emotionally unavailable to her & it was a shock to her. She ended up settling for the L&HHH checks. She is now realizing that this wouldn't become much more than what it is now.

Fizz: I think he was seeing how fast things where moving & that a commitment was happening. I think Fizz was expecting to still have his freedom & not really commit like Apryl wanted. He's expressed not wanting anything serious & he wasn't looking to be emotional. In fact, he is very much closed off from his emotions. He didn't want things to go as far as the (alleged) pregnancy, but he was already feeling that they each were fine having their own children. I don't think Fizz wanted long term commitment & that in turn hurt Apryl. Fizz was always about their relationship looking good in the public, for the opportunists that it will manifest for them, but he also wished for his freedom to be respected.

💏 What is the outcome of this relationship?

They will continue to gain abundance together as L&HHH is still on air. I think they will be having more opportunities presented to them to make money together, but I think it's safe to say they are both feeling trapped within the relationship. I don't think they are expressing much to each other, & are focused on keeping things light for their children (each, of course, with different people), since they are very much involved as they are with each other; they don't want to look dysfunctional in front of them or even in public. I'm picking up that divine intervention will continue to put pressure on their relationship until they decide to look at what is causing strain. Fizz will continue to refrain from giving much emotionally to Apryl & it is going to cause her to feel even more left out & neglected. In fact, Fizz could quite possibly be entertaining other women outside of the relationship, & Apryl either knows or will find out about it. There is much pride in saving face since their relationship has already caused a lot of traction & attention. Apryl is in a less than satisfied place, as she isn't as happy as she thought she would be. If a public break up happens, it will be sudden & unexpected, followed by much drama. For as long as they keep trying with what clearly isn't working, more pressure will be put upon the both of them within this relationship.

Just tragic, if you ask me. But don't ask me 🙃

#tarot #tarot readings #tarot witch #tarot community #tarot conversations #cosmic witch #witchblr #ask sage #energy readings #readings by sage #hollyweird #hollywood #celebrity predictions #celebrity tarot readings #celebrity readings #celebrity #celebs #apryl jones #lil fizz

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